#I'm def not responsible for that but i did leave a suggestion

[totalspiffage]

I started Fields of Mistria (awesome game btw) and I was just a little disappointed (but like I get it) that I had to choose one pronoun I use (most games I pick he or she and again it's fine I get it) or 'any' but that any made me think hey maybe they could do other variations. Anyway they added two variations? Of my pronouns (he/she and she/he)? Last week??? So I did cry about that IMMEDIATELY upon reading the patch notes.

[1eos]

hi miss kendra, i need some advice if you don't mind. your new job journey has inspired me to quit the fuckass job i'm sick of but the audhd hates to think of change, and i don't know if i should just go for a masters instead to jump up a level in the job market. or, would you suggest joining the girls in stem with a python course? i hate to see my degree (business) go to waste and have been avoiding smth in software bc of that but if the jobs are good i might have to bc i can NOT stay here any longer w no progression money wise.

i dont mind at all <3 the main reason why i will never leave tumblr is that if you curate it right this can really become a support group for audhd adults and we all help each other survive this sick ass world. bc wow that audhd response to change is sooooo hard to deal with in the workplace which sucks bc in this current climate changing jobs frequently kinda is the wave rn

but anyways advice. obvs i can't know exactly what's best for you but i will throw some questions that helped me figure out where to narrow my focus!

1st. to answer the question is i would suggest joining the girls in stem. absolutely! but don't limit your focus to a python course. the main reason i didnt get into stem earlier was that i didn't realize there were sooooo many different niches of stem and thought that just bc i didnt necessarily want to do 0s and 1s exclusively it wasn't for me but now taking different classes im seeing its a lot of different things i could excel in. like i went in doing web design and realized while i don't enjoy that the way i expected it introduced me to networking, cybersecurity, and data science which i AM interested in. so if you're interested but java gives you the ick (valid) def start poking around free resources first before committing. i investigated some reddit threads and found online it training things that i did and ofc there are a bunch of books too

currently ive subscribed to tryhackme. of all of the hands on training courses its one of the cheapest at $14 a month and its walking me through all the different areas of networking and cybersecurity and its been helpful in getting my feet wet so i can pinpoint what fields im genuinely interested in. currently, im focused on trying to find a field where im truly 100% interested in digging in bc for me ive found caring abt my field gives me excitement that takes the edge off of the ego death change puts me through 😭😭😭😭

i say all that first bc a masters will be a GREAT boon to level up your income esp if you want to work for any kind of university which i would recommend as a good starting place bc the benefits tend to be really good and colleges are relatively more chill workplaces. however, depending on which field you go in just know that a lot of jobs will take the official certifications and your bachelors. and certifications are way cheaper than masters degrees so keep that in mind. especially if you get a certification, get employed in the stem field and then you may have the chance of your employer helping pay for your masters

ofc if you can afford to get your masters now you could go the other direction and start school now and use your school's connections to get student work/part time work in your field and then your odds of being hired in a permanent position after graduating goes up by 300000000000%

and i would suggest sitting down and making a list of everything you hate about your current job and what, ideally, you want for not your dream job but like...the job that could bring you the most content you know? if you're not living to work, picture what you want to do and how your job can help facilitate that without getting in the way.

so like for me my goal is to be able to do the art i want to do without having to worry about starving to death and have as much time to focus on art. bc that's my goal i realized i wanted a job that:

in a stable field where i could potentially get a job anywhere

pays well and consistently

remote work possible

flexible schedule so that i could work less than 5 days a week

clear upward trajectory

not centered around customer service 😭

relatively low stress and doesnt need crazy hours

so with this listed out i realized i didn't actually want my main job to be in the art field bc of the inconsistency and that stem could work for me and then from there anytime i find a new job that i think i could do i investigate it and check to see if the field is shrinking, education requirements, etc etc.

this is a lot but i hope at least one of these thoughts helps you! 💖

[the-kr8tor]

I narrowly missed writer's block this time but I have a feeling its gonna try take me away again very soon now that exams are coming up:( ALSO I FORGOT TO ASK- BUT! What did you think of the song I suggested to you? Personally, major opin vibes. Daily Hobie HC! Hobie's universe is practically an asthmatic's nightmare. With heavy amounts of carbon emission, pollution, sludgey-rain and an overall toxic living environment, especially within the towns, it's not surprise that you can't even see the sun in the sky. The thick clouds of carbon practically block out any sort of indication of a sun and moon cycle, leaving it only up to the subtle darkness to indicate night, and time to check if it's morning, noon, etc. Your universe, on the other hand, is crisp. The skies are clear, and the pollution is well-maintained. It's a stark contrast to Hobie's own universe, which is usually why he's in yours. Of course, he'll be back at his to feed the local strays, fight criminals, crash a few fashion shows and whatnot, but in his free time, he loves to visit you and let you drag him around everywhere. This time, you both were playing around, with Hobie swinging after you in a game of tag. After a few moments, you hear nothing. Fuck, you've lost him. Quickly, you swing your way back, looking for him as the sun began to set. Once you found Hobie, however, he's sitting on the ledge of one of the taller buildings in the city, his eyes gazing up at the sky as the blue darkened, and begun to be dabbled in all sorts of oranges, reds, pinks and purples. He's mesmerized by how clear and beautiful the sight is, all thoughts of chasing you gone from his mind as he's captivated by the sight, like a small child. As he feels your warmth next to him, he smiles in response, not yet tearing his gaze away. When you asked him if he liked it, Hobie responds with a simple yes, glancing towards you briefly, before continuing to watch the clear sunset as the sun slowly pulled a blanket of stars over the earth. Although you've seen the sunset multiple times, it warmed your heart knowing this was his first time, and it made it all more worth it. As the night fell, you convinced him to spend the entire night out until sunrise, to which he finally tears his eyes away from the stars and to you, shocked that you'd even suggest something as tedious as that for his sake. When you swing off, beckoning him to follow, Hobie could've sworn he fell in love with you all over again. You lead him to the highest tower in the area, managing to retrieve back to your place quickly and grab a blanket for the both of you guys to be comfortable. Cuddling up to each other, you lean against him as you both stargaze, with you chuckling quietly to yourself at how in awe Hobie looks at the fact that he can see the Milky Way from here, as well as the glinting stars surrounding. A few hours into the night, his attention is stolen from a shooting star speeding across the sky. You nudged him, telling him to make a wish. Hobie pauses, before smiling towards you, saying that he doesn't need a wish, since he already got what he wished for. Unable to hold yourself back, you pull him in for a kiss, which he happily indulges. However, as you pull away, you see his typical teasing smirk, which he adds on to his previous statement. "Which was Pepper, by the way." You scoff and playfully nudge him away while Hobie laughs, snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you against him, stating that you are, in fact, someone who he's wished for. -🐦‍⬛

Yeah writer's block is always rearing its ugly head one way or another :( good luck on your exams, angel!!

We have it all by pim stones? I did!! It's so good, def opin vibes ❤️ I added it to my personal opin playlist! (I'm lacking at updating the public one lol)

Daily Hobie HC!!! 🎉

OH GOODNESS 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 THIS WAS SO FLUFFY!!!! He definitely needs that breath of fresh air!! You're an added bonus on top of the clear sky, but you're definitely the most gorgeous sight than the milky way shining above 🥺

Dude needs a can of fresh air from your dimension to sniff at from time to time lol (or your jacket doused in your perfume works best too 😉)

HE HAS WISHED FOR YOU! YOU'RE HIS WISH AISBKDKWBSJSJNSODNBDJ

[em-harlsnow]

I'm taking a break from my essay, so I thought I would go over my opinions of Fiona.

The thing is, most of the time I understand her. I understand her wanting Debbie and the others to stop relying on her so much, I understand her leaving, I understand why she tried to convince Debbie to get an abortion and most importantly I understand why she wanted to avoid blame for Liam's coke incident. I'm not saying any of it is right, but I get her.

I'll go over my main points with her, good and bad.

The stuff I defend her on:

she supported Lip thru his alcoholism and he did not do the same for her, instead yelling and blaming her when if anyone, he should understand

she tries to convince Debbie to get an abortion because she fully knows Debbie is not emotionally mature enough to handle a baby (no hate, no 15 year old is) and doesn't want to have to deal with it, which is fair because she's accustomed to dealing with kids that aren't hers. I have friends who have to essentially parent their siblings, and I know they would definitely stay away if any of them decided to have kids of their own.

she tries to convince lip to go to college or at least stay in school because he can, despite how he's so adamant against it. despite how it means she has even more burden over the children

she leaves because she needs her own life (there's more on this later, don't worry)

However, I'm against her on these:

Fiona, babe, stop using being a Gallagher as an excuse for everything you do it's getting tiring. "I'm a Gallagher" I KNOW.

Fiona, if you dole out advice left right and centre to all your siblings, take some as well. she should have heeded people's advice about all the property stuff, she should have been more careful, but at the end of the day people make mistakes.

Fiona, take responsibility for your shit. You were Liam's legal guardian, I know she didn't intend to, but it was her responsibility to look after him. It's her fault. If Frank or Monica did the same by accident, I have no doubt she would blame them

Tell me, why does she hate the Milkoviches so much. Actively hating on Mandy, when she's just as much of a slag??? Not hating on slags, I am a proud one myself. But don't hate on others, don't be so fucking rude when Mandy simply wanted a place to feel safe. Also, I don't accept her Mickey-hate AT ALL. she didn't know him, told him he needed to admit Ian to a psych ward because that's what she knew, when realistically there can be other, better ways to help those with mental illness. Psych hospitals are for those at risk to themselves and others, but Ian hadn't become a risk until he stole Yevgeny (we don't know enough about whether he was suicidal or not). Also, let's not forget Molly. I can't comment on whether Molly was actually trans or not, because it's suggested that her mother just forced her to be a girl. Even so, no fucking need for the amount of transphobia.

Finally, she was Liam's legal guardian. For all her talk about how Ian's like Monica, she abandoned him which is a 'full on Monica move' to quote Fiona. She agreed that she would take care of him until he was an adult, and didn't make sure someone else would take over if she left. Also, she could have taken him with her.

Anyway, very mixed feelings about Fiona. I'm never sure how to feel about her, because like I say half the time I understand her. I get why she didn't want to admit to being responsible for the coke thing, because it made her feel guilty and worse, it made her feel like her parents. I def prefer her pre-season 4

[traumatizeddfox]

hi! so i was wondering a couple of trauma-related things.

tws for: bullying, dissociation, educational trauma, medical trauma, burnout, self-esteem issues, self-harm/suicidal ideation, long ask (i don't know the importance of these so i'm listing them just in case)

so i've had some things happening to me recently, and in total, and i was wondering about what your perception of them might be, just because i'd like outside perspective.

cyber-bullying: when i was younger, during the pandemic, i was still in school. i played minecraft with my friends a lot on a server. one of the guys on the server, let's call him v, joined after the rest of us. i wasn't very good at minecraft, and as the only girl i was sometimes teased. after v joined he started doing things that were upsetting and i told him not to. for instance, he'd lure me to "help him with mining", then kill my character and make me lose progress. he'd chase me around and hit me with swords (in game). the worst experience i had with him was when he trapped my character in a room i couldn't escape, and just hit me over and over and didn't let me leave. when i brought it up to the server moderator he was reluctant to do anything, and the other guys there weren't very supportive. eventually, i got my parents to intervene, and i don't play minecraft with v (or on servers in general) anymore. my question: was this cyberbullying? am i right to still be sensitive about it?

medical trauma: i was diagnosed with a type of chronic headaches about a year and a half ago. every day, all day, my head would hurt. eventually, i got treatment, by process of routine procedures and an eventual semi-surgery/procedure requiring anesthesia. however, i sometimes/often get headaches nowadays, and i have a tendency to think my head hurts a lot. my question: would this be a trauma response to my previous headaches (ie, misconstruing/exaggerating/overreacting to small headaches)?

education trauma/dissociation/burnout: i am currently in high school, which i am having an awful time with. i used to have fun in school, and i like learning, but my highschool is very large. i have asd and issues with executive dysfunction, so i'm tired all the time after socializing at school. i have trouble focusing, and often feel very bad about not getting homework done. i am currently in a constant state of exhaustion, feeling like crying all the time. i've also noticed recently that when i'm at school i kind of check out, just stop being in myself per se, try to do something like reading that takes me away, and am sort of in a fugue state. my question: does this seem like dissociation? do you have suggestions for me to fix it?

self-esteem issues: i have issues with self-esteem where i have excessive guilt and respond to any criticism with self-hatred and beating myself up. there's a little voice in my head that tells me i'm awful, i have guilt attacks where i feel like stabbing or cutting myself. my question: do these things seem like they could be a symptom of trauma, or more of just rsd or something else?

thanks so much for consideration :) sorry the ask is so long

-anon ida

Hi Ida! Ill try to answer as best as I can but just remember I am not a mental health professional!

Cyberbully: I would def consider it cyber bullying, mainly because he was taunting you and just personally harassing you. even if its in-game, its still really annoying to have someone constantly chase after you, kill your character and lose progress, to me thats harassment.

Medical trauma: Im not very experienced in medical trauma, but I did get severe neck pain back in 2019/2020 and the pain was horrendous, i wasnt able to do anything, and when i get pain in my neck i get super anxious. It might not be medical trauma towards ur headaches, but it could be a panic disorder, like maybe you're in fear of the pain?

education trauma/dissociation/burnout: this one im not too sure, to me it sounds more like burn out, it could be a bunch of things honestly! it could be burn out, it could lack of vitamins, it could be a list of things

self esteem issues: i have similar issues, I think the same things about myself. I cant say for certain if it's trauma, if it's thing youve heard others say to you, it could be a series of things. it could be social anxiety, it could be depression, etc.

It's definitely best to get a professional psychologist, therapist, doctor, etc to give you proper advice and information! It's a little hard for me to answer since I don't know you personally and I also am not a trained mental health professional but thank you for the ask and I hope things turn around for you!

[nathank77]

8/21/24

10:58 a.m Added to/changed 11:20 a.m

I'm lonely af. Bo4 didn't go as planned. Imma go grocery shopping and shower and eat and whatever. I'll try after all that. I don't think I'm buying Xbox live again it seems pointless. I mark the date on my calender for these events and I arrange the week before and after to allow as much game time as possible and then it's all for nothing. I mean sure I could have good days later today and maybe the rest of the week but I mean I'm not holding my hopes high.

I tried to call prime time cause I want to meet people and they never called me back after I left a message. I guess they don't think I'll fit in there idk what else to think..

When I put everything into perspective, I mean my insomnia is bad. I'm eternally lonely. I can't meet anyone...

And I can't find a single therapist willing to work with me other than Mike who if I use my brain cells might very well be trying to annoy me/give me anxiety until I leave.

Why load on top of my anxiety about the white mulberries? Why add another thing to be anxiuos about? I was already anxious about my thyroid, sleeping, and my heart monitor results. Why throw in white mulberries and suggest I'm making risky behaviors when he google searched for 40 seconds abt the LD... why give me more anxiety? Why purposely aggervate me? I mean he knows damn well I'm not maniac. I mean maybe between the white mulberries and buying the new Mac he thinks it's risky behavior. I assure you I can afford the new mac. I projected my finances months in advanced. And I can see my other Mac is shitting the bed cause I beat on it gaming on it all the time. I mean I don't just spend money 🤷 I overthink and do spread sheets.

I just don't see the point in bringing up maniac behavior after the last time he did when I assured him not only am I not maniac but it's offending to me to try to slap that label on me just bc I hear a voice. Psychosis is a real thing.

Not only that but none of my behavior is risky. He was such a dick about me getting a car wash, cause I spent 50$ on it. Yea my car deserves a car wash on our decade anniversary. Yes I'd like to try to keep the good paint in decent condition. I didn't fucking go gambling. I'm taking care of one of the only good things in my life.

I just think he wants to get rid of me. It makes sense. Why pile on my anxiety and bring up something that makes me mad bc IM NOT MANIAC. IM NOT DEPRESSED.

I mean for one the muscle stuff seems to be calming down. Nothing weird happened last night. And I overanalyzed it. I sleep with my hoodie on. I cover my mouth a lot with the blanket. Idk what that bilateral twitch was the night before but I have a feeling it was my forehead feeling weird as it often does..... with a twitch and the blanket up against my face with a tactile and a scary mental picture

I also feel like I could have crunched up my cheeks when I felt the twitch in my forehead in response to the twitch and mental picture with the blanket against my face. I can't say for sure I had the blanket against my mouth but I often do kinda cover my mouth. Let's say I didn't that night... okay.. then maybe I crunched my cheeks in response to the twitch in my forehead that scared me when I was freaking out about microsleep.

I'd also like to add this happened BEFORE I took more xanax. Cause I know a change in dosage can cause side effects. But it was BEFORE and I had no weed that night.

I mean.... I can say my forehead feels weird 1000%. I can describe the pulsating twitching I randomly get in my legs, arms and back... and even my butt...

Why can't I characterize what happened that night? All I can say is I was def awake and I felt lt more prominently in my forehead.

[bisluthq]

I just don't think the whole Florence and the whole cast hate Harry and Olivia because they had an affair and she had to direct herself was real. Florence didn't like Olivia because of Shia, but everyone turned Florence into some petty little girl that was angry to adults were dating even though she started dating her director.

Also, I'm not convinced it was actually an affair and not just someone getting pissed off because he was left for someone young enough to be his son.

Okay I think we need to clarify what we’re talking about semantically: when you say “not real” it kind of sounds to me like you mean “not true” (which I agree with in that case but the problem was everyone hated everyone so journalists and people online etc just made shit up imo because everyone was looking for the piping hot tea and pretty much anything sounded possible like spitgate seemed kinda possible that’s how much everyone hated everyone). When I’ve been saying “not real” I meant like the producers and the publicists made it up (like the Glenn x Sydney “affair” that never was).

it’s like the Emma Laird stuff - not real in the sense of it being untrue but not something that was agreed upon as a way to promote anything (obviously Emma clearly jumped on it but it happened to her and she took the opportunity not like she planned to start an affair rumor by posting a random ass pic in a photo dump because that was not a reasonable thing to really predict happening). So I think that’s an important distinction to make.

I agree that Miss Flo’s issue wasn’t around Harry x Olivia fucking. Jason’s issue was around that lmao but that’s not really to do with the movie - which he did try ruin though to spite her by doing things like serving the custody papers publicly - and more to do with him being angry with his ex. I also think Holivia def 100% had an affair because otherwise the timelines make no sense. In September she was still with Jason. They were still living together into when Holivia would’ve been at minimum hooking up. If they’d really ended things and had just been amicably living together as co-parents (as she tried to say) then I doubt Jason would’ve gone completely nuclear. Like he prob still would’ve been upset that he’s being replaced with a much younger pop star because that’s annoying but his scale of response suggests cheating did take place. Obviously he’s also a hypocrite because it’s not like he never cheated while with her but anyhow. Also I do kinda believe she lied to both men and did tell Harry that it’s basically over with Jason and didn’t tell Jason she’s fucking Harry but that’s because she was a very messy girl. And again Jason is a shitty dude and behaved in shitty ways imo so I do see why she wanted to like leave him but obviously she could’ve gone about doing so in a classier fashion.

[flavorita]

okay hear me out but like imagine they're shopping @ vs (or any lingerie store) with u? for xiao, scara, itto, dain and whoever else u want!!

Low-key got intimidated by how many people you asked for, but imma try anyways 🤪

Sort of a crack-fic because tbh I've never been to a lingerie store and haven't played Genshin in like a year 🏃‍♀️

TW: Suggestive, Fem reader

Lingerie Store Shopping Trip with Xiao, Scaramouche, Itto, and Dainsleif (Seperate)

♡Xiao

Have fun dragging Xiao out of whatever dark corner he's in to go shopping

Even when you do go shopping, he hides in his hoodie the entire time at the mall while looking very annoyed and bored

He doesn't even like regular shopping, lingerie shopping is def not happening 😩

But right when he had spaced out from the hours of shopping, you took the opportunity and dragged the poor guy into a lingerie shop 💀

When Xiao finally realizes he hasn't been dragged into any normal clothing store and instead just entered a lingerie store, bright red

He is immediately flustered and just holes up in his hoodie even more

"Hey Xiao, do you think this color would look good on me?"

"Wh-what, what are you asking me for? You're the one who's going to be wearing it?"

He ends up pulling the cords of his sweater to tighten his hood even more

You end up getting slightly worried about Xiao strangling himself because you could only see the tip of nose through his tightened hood

"But Xiao~, I really need your help. After all, even if I'm the one wearing it, you're going to be the one taking them off~"

Xiao.exe has stopped working

You decide to poke Xiao's arm and he loses his balance and almost falls over

You grab his arm and manage to help him stand straight enough

Deciding that was enough teasing your poor, sweet boyfriend for today, you two walk home together with Xiao not saying a single word

However, as you both near the end of your walk home:

"Hey Y/N... I think the green one you were holding would have looked good on you..."

"REALLY?!"

Xiao starts pulling his hood closer around his face again.

"Hmmmm, well we wouldn't really know unless I tried it on. Say Xiao, we'd have to go bac-"

"Never."

♡Scaramouche

Mean, rude, an absolute sadist of a perv, why would you even bring him to a lingerie shop with you

He probably demanded to go with you when he saw you leaving the house

"Ugh Y/N, you didn't say we were going shopping."

"But you said-"

"Whatever, we're already here so we might as well"

With a dramatic flourish of his hand, you're forced to follow behind him as he browses through any and every store that interests him

He ends up stopping at a lingerie store and glances behind him to see if you're keeping up

"Y/N, babydoll or chemise?"

"What 😃"

All you get in response is one of his signature villanistic smirks and a tight grip on your wrist as he drags you into the lingerie store

Scaramouche starts grabbing lingerie after lingerie, each one getting more smaller and revealing than the next

Before you know it, he's shoved you into a dressing room with a pile of lingerie and demanding you to try them on and model each and every one for him

"B-but, Scara-"

"Spit it out, Y/N."

"This lingerie-"

"Yes?"

"It has a hole..."

"I think you mean it's crotchless. Now hurry up and show me."

"No, Scara, it has like-"

"Did I not just say show me, Y/N?"

Yeah... he's not letting you leave until he's fully embarassed you

At least, he's paying for everything 🤷‍♀️

♡Itto

"Oh cool, Y/N you're going out? Can I come too? 😄"

Poor guy just wanted to spend time with his S/O and ended up in a lingerie store

"Pssssss, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, am I allowed in a place like this?" You look up to see Itto bent down so he can whisper his burning question in your ear while side-eyeing all the bras and panties as if they may jump out at him.

"Yes Itto, it's fine."

"Are you sure cuz I don't see any guys right now?"

"Itto, don't worry. If people," you giggle at the thought, "if people ask why you're here. Tell them that you came here to help me."

"Okay, I'm here to help you find and carry your things, gotchu."

With that Itto straightens up and walks proudly knowing that he, the coolest and strongest oni to ever live, is here to help his S/O with buying and carrying her things. How sweet and manly of him.

Actually tries to help and gives his honest opinions

Asks you what size your titties are and gets a few weird stares from everyone else within earshot

Overall, very chill during the picking process

However, the trying and modeling it for him part...

"Y-yessss Y/N, you look really g-good."

"Itto... how would you know with your hands on your face like that?"

"W-whatchu m-mean, mmmy hands aren't on my fffface."

😮‍💨

You end up buying the lingerie you two had selected together anyways and you tease Itto the whole way home

"Awwww, my big, strong oni is still such a shy, sweet guy, hmmm?"

Itto rubs the back of his head bashfully.

"Just don't tell the gang about this."

♡Dainsleif

Gives off kuudere vibes

You can ask for him to come with you and he agrees like 100% of the time without even knowing the location

Gets slightly embarassed when he sees it's a lingerie store you want to go to, but brushes it off because lingerie = clothes

"Dain, what do you think about this one?" You dangle a red, open cup bustier in front of him.

"This is a bra?"

"Well, sort of?"

"What purpose is a bra without cups to support your breasts? Will it not be uncomfortable? What if your nipples chafe against the rough cloth of your shirt? Won't that hurt?"

Dainsleif bombards you with question upon question with every lingerie he sees, while ignoring the appeal of their sexiness and only pondering upon their purpose which is sex appeal 😭 and comfortability.

"Y/N, what is-"

"Dain."

"Yes, my dear."

"Can we go home 🥲"

"But you haven't bought a single item, my beloved."

"It's okay, next time Dain 🥲"

There is no next time 💀

[lizacstuff]

Liza that 3rd fragman 👀 "if I was born a 100 times I'd fall in love with you everytime" Eda saying this is their last obstacle and nothing can separate them, serkan's "I'll be right back, close your eyes I'm here" If this isn't all a red flag for shits about to hit the fan then I don't know what is LOL (but also how cute to Edser look and them telling each other they love each other very much 😭😭😭)

That fragman is both the SWEETEST and the MOST OMINOUS thing I’ve ever seen. ALL AT ONCE.  

Friends... we’re gonna go through some things.  That being said, everything is going to be great. These writers have been solid so far, and I have faith they have come up with something really interesting to increase the longevity of this show. And I don’t know about you, but I’m prepared to go through some things if it means keeping Eda and Serkan for longer.  (I heart them)

This show is about Eda and Serkan and their love story, at it’s core it’s a comedy, it will all lead to happy things, but... yeah, buckle up! 

I have a lot of asks both about the fragman and last ep, so I’m going to answer a bunch under the cut. 

Anonymous said: The fandom theories about episode 28 have gotten so wild that I literally think the most shocking thing would be if they actually got married and were not separated (emotionally or physically). What if the earlier painful episodes were to make us believe that things couldn't possibly go right in 28 and it's a reverse psychology trick?

You could be right!  I like your thinking. I checked on twitter and I had to back away slowly. The juvenile temper tantrums were too much for me today.  

Look, I think it’s clear something big is coming. It has to, there has to be something that shakes up the show. Some of the theories are more upsetting and catastrophic than others, but the writers won’t do anything that dings either character or their love for one another.  Whatever happens will showcase the connection between these two and the chemistry between the actors, that’s the point of everything, and anything that does those things is gonna be a-okay with me. 

@jan31​ Hi Liza. Do you think we are going to see the wedding in 28 or they will leave it on a cliffhanger for next week. Lots of theories going round mainly cos of Neslihan saying new dimensions coming in episode 29, which could just mean married life etc. I have seen suggestions of memory loss, it's all a dream since episode one. I would personally love Eda to wake up like in episode one but for it to be a total turn around and she is the boss and Serkan the employee. Eda being robot yildiz appeals to me!!! I know it will never happen but leave me here with my dreams!!

I started the day at 90% sure they’ll be married in 28/29, but now I’m down to like 30% that they’ll get married in these episodes. I really, really want them to get married before whatever happens happens, because every scenario I can think of for this reset or starting again, seems like it would be better if they were married.  

However, the shooting spoilers from today, make me question that. Namely the videos where Hande appears to still be wearing the ring on her right hand. We shall see, that could be for many reasons. 

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t hate a memory loss storyline. Seeing one of them (and Serkan’s line in the trailer makes it seem like it might be him) lose their memory and have to fall in love all over again? There are worse fates for a shipper than getting to experience that all again but in a different way.  

Anonymous said: Your response to the fandom drama anon was so good, it's exactly how I feel. While I don't know what the old posts that were like are (that's shady as fuck) I did see all the other drama go down and wow. The actresses def need to stay in their lane and some of the fans, hoooo boy, it's obvious they're young based off their reactions alone. Had to unfollow some people once I realized what they were like. Also some of the IRL shipping reminded me of col*fer stuff, reading into everything and blowing it out of proportion (which then gets picked up by paps....). But you're right in that at least the show related drama is tame compared to OUAT. But still, people being too careless even while they know the paps see everything and harass Kerem and hande (omg did you see the video of hande the other day stopped in the van and she looked so overwhelmed 😔)

You’re referencing this post here about yesterday’s drama. 

Today Neslihan made it worse by addressing everything and claiming she didn’t like all those Hande-bashing posts because... wait for it... she was HACKED. Oy. Hackers got in and went back two years to like gross posts about Hande? Sure, Jan. While I don’t believe that for a second, I guess that at least gives her cover with Hande so they can all pretend it’s true and move on so it’s not awkward on set.  But, yikes, she needs to consult a publicist, she took a narrative that was circulating in certain circles in fandom and made sure all her followers were aware. Not very savvy. 

As for the paps coming after Hande, yes I did see her in the car, she did look overwhelmed. Back off vultures!!! That’s why I think Kerem sometimes throws himself to the wolves so that doesn’t happen. She always handles them like a pro, but you can tell she’d rather be anywhere else on earth than talking to them. 

The pap stuff is worse than I’ve seen before, they’re like vultures circling for any conjecture (sometimes made up out of thin air) they can turn into a question and blame fans. OUAT actors dealt with nothing like this. Also I can’t believe they never ask about the show. Like after last week? They could legit ask about the sex scene which probably would have given them some angle on the actors that they wanted, (especially since it was too hot for Turkish TV) but they let that pass them by, and instead asked the same questions about being together that they never answer. Dumbasses. They are not only awful people, they are awful at their jobs. 

In Van, the paps pay off crew members for info, they always know more than fans. Also I don’t remember stars of my shows getting this level of tabloid attention before. Except for on Riverdale, Lili and Cole generated that level of interest, and while I didn’t pay terribly close attention to them, I feel like they rarely talked to the paps, were just photographed. Also I don’t suspected the CW of calling the paps on them, but I suspect either the network or production company of sometimes calling them on Hande and Kerem. 

Anonymous said: Do you think it’s weird that they didn’t touch the kidnapping at all in either trailer? They might not have filmed it in time for the 1st one but certainly the 2nd. And I’m definitely not complaining about the ones we got because its like a fairytale but the kidnapping was the cliffhanger...? 🧐 I think they should’ve just left the princes storyline at “he went back to his country” but then they didn’t so......

If they’d left his story at just going back to his country, then the Prince really wouldn’t have served his purpose. He was brought on to cause some sort of trouble, so they probably need him to cause the trouble before he goes, lets hope it ends with this kidnapping!

And to answer your question, yes, I do think it’s weird that neither trailer touched on it. On any other show I’d think it was a huge red flag, but on this show maybe not as much because  a) there’s obviously a lot of romance in this episode, it’s not crazy that they are focusing on that to draw people in with the promos  b) this show likes to do cliffhangers that end up being no big deal, that happens a lot.  

Who knows it could turn out to be a big deal that shapes the rest of the episode in some unexpected way (Eda’s captured the whole episode and she’s dreaming about wedding prep, or... who knows) but I think it’s more likely that they resolve in the first 5-10 minutes and then move on.  Since we know from the summary (not that I trust those) that Serkan goes on the bachelor weekend, it feels like the Prince is taken care of prior to that. I don’t think he’d leave her alone for a second if there was a chance the Prince was still a threat. Perhaps Babaanne is pissed he tried to kidnap Eda and tells them she’ll handle it herself???

Anonymous said: Semiha not being in the promo is highkey suspicious. The actress is promoting the episode lol. She's about to Evil Queen this wedding ceremony but you know what, I'm fine with whatever she has planned if they end up married at the end of the day. What's funny is that since a lot of fans these days will assume that there will be shocking negative plot twists, not actually having one here would be a plot twist so I hope the writers keep them together for whatever's next haha

You’re not wrong, at this point, having this wedding take place would be a shocking twist for all of us!  As for Semiha... hmmm... it will be interesting to see what her reaction is to Eda being kidnapped by her pick of suitor. Serkan Bolat might be the son of the man indirectly responsible for her parents death, but he would never hurt her. Take note, Grandbag!  

Anonymous said: Do you mind sharing your speculative scenarios?

After the trailer today, I don’t know if I can even remember some of them. 

Memory loss

Grandma forces Serkan to choose between Eda and his company/wealth,  he chooses Eda and they start over from scratch with nothing

Time jump

AU starting over, showing a different path they might have taken together

Dream

These actors playing different characters in a new story

I don’t think the last three are likely, but they did spring to mind after some of Neslihan’s teases. 

Anonymous said: So this show doesn't get like fantastic ratings (it actually seems to be on the lower end compared to all other dizis airing) but the social media engagement is off the charts. Why is that?!? Is the show just extraordinarily popular internationally? or that this is a "shipping" show? I'm floored by the numbers - its like no other show/fandom is even trying

The ratings were terrific during the summer. But to your point, it has a huge fandom both in Turkey and internationally, but it’s worth noting that most of those charts you see where it beats every other show in every imaginable social metric is just for Turkey.  

It’s one of those lightning in a bottle situations where you get the right property and the right actors together at the right time and magic happens.  And, for sure, the number one reason is the shipping. Shipping drives fandom engagement, and a fantastic ship with a juicy, fun, tropey love story is what this show offers. It also offers up two extremely attractive, talented, likeable leads with off-the-charts chemistry (plus the added speculation about an off-camera relationship that has intrigued more than a few fans, tabloids and gossip sites and fueled interest) who have done a good job of building the fanbase through their social media engagement. Plus the timing is part of it as well. I don’t know about you, but this show hit the spot during this pandemic and the horror of 2020. We all needed this escape. 

Anonymous said:Do you think something happened in the writers room after the backlash of 25 and fan disappointment after Ayse's announcement? I feel like a switch flipped and now we're in fanficland with how much good content we've gotten in these last two episodes. Like I thought maybe they should wrap up the series soon before the characters got completely off the tracks but they may be finding their groove now and I'm interested to see what their next twist is after they can write out Balca/Seymen.

I don’t know about a switch flip, this show has been fanfic land since the first episode!  The tropes! That is how I described it to multiple people when I first started watching: an AU fanfic come to life.

As for the writing changes, no, I don’t think backlash after 25 affected 26 or 27, because 26 was already 90% shot, and 27 already written. However, I assume they themselves could tell that 25 got just too dark and had strayed pretty far from the DNA of the series. While I didn’t think it was bad, it was not fun to watch and this show ought to be fun to watch. 

Let’s hope, however, that the backlash affects future episodes in that they know what works... and what doesn’t.  The last two episodes definitely felt reminiscent of the first batch of episodes. Light, funny, romantic. If they can keep that tone... I’ll be thrilled.

Anonymous said: i didn't realize how much i missed "together" edser until watching 27.. it's been so long since they were "officially" together and we also had such few episodes of it.. ppl have been comparing it to 12 and while in some ways i agree, edser are always so different here than they were there. 12 was them navigating their new relationship.. they were more shy and finding their footing.. here they are very much established, as they should be after knowing their love for so long in comparison to 12!

Yes, it was lovely. You know I’ve preached a lot about how even though Eda and Serkan were broken up, they’ve still been together all this time. And it’s true, but there is something about them truly being together that is magical. We never got enough of that the first time around (a writing mistake in my opinion) and they’re so good together it’s lovely to watch. 

Anonymous said: Serkan not asking for help from Balca when asking his team for help with the marriage gifts preparations and refusing her offer of help when she asked made me so happy. Good job Serkan! He's learning! She's not trustworthy!

Yes, that was a good moment. And he was eyeing her very warily when she offered. The thing I don’t understand is how has no one caught on that she’s working with Babaanne? That entire office is filled with nosy people, has no one remarked on the number of times Balca has gone up to the office or they’ve disappeared for lunch at the same time? Come on Leyla! Come on Melo! Notice these things!  

Anonymous said: Fingers crossed that we finally make progress towards getting rid of Seiman & Balca now that all the girls were drugged and Eda was put in the car in the last episode. Unless Seiman has a change of heart and takes Eda back inside before anyone wakes & the guys get there then the show has to address it. Although I do not think Balca is going to back down unless Serkan straight up tells her he has zero interest in her and never will. Totally fine if that happens in the next episode.

Will Balca backdown even if she’s humiliated like that? She’s so delusional I’m not sure. What I am sure is that she’s dangerous. This came in before we saw the other two fragmans that have no mention of the kidnapping. Hard to picture how that is so easily resolved. Unless she frees herself (which seems unlikely in her groggy state) or maybe Melo’s future boyfriend is able to stop it before they get far?  Or I don’t know. I just know that I want to see Serkan lose his mind and all the other characters see Serkan lose his mind and then I want it to be over. LOL.

Anonymous said: As much as I am loving everything Edser, I cannot wait for Seiman, Balca and Grandma to be gone. And I am even more annoyed to think that the show might try to redeem all 3 characters. All 3 of them are truly awful people and no need to waste air time trying to make the audience think any different. Just my opinion...🤷🏻‍♀️. Show please finally expose those 3 for the psychos they are and get rid of them.

Bye bitches!  I don’t think there’s any redemption for Balca and Seiman. They both have poisoned/dosed people, hard to come back from that.  And there is no need to redeem them because neither is compelling enough to be a long-term character. But maybe Granny, we probably will see a redemption arc for her. 

Anonymous said: i know you were worried a few weeks ago that with ayse leaving as writer, we probably wouldn't have the same sort of comedy as previous episodes... but istg the whole kiz isteme scene, especially with chef alex, had me almost crying with laughter. especially when serkan off the cuff just goes "well if that's an option..." to everyone misunderstanding alex "wanting" ayfer for 2 nights and then eda ready to beat him with the flowers he bought her... comedic gold lmao.

SO GOOD! I was thrilled to see that sort of comedy, the sort of comedy we’d come to expect, from these writers. I think it bodes very well indeed!  

That scene was amazing. I know Neslihan said that much of it was improvised. Probably that line from Serkan (since Serkan is SO out-of-his-mind in love I’m not sure he could even joke about having Eda only two nights a week! LOL) was improv from Kerem, and Aydan asking about the other nights, and Seyfi bringing up the weekend. And Eda’s very Hande-esque “Ser-KAN.” 

I just love rewatching that scene and checking out everyone who is breaking character and just losing it. Cagri most of all. He’s blurred aback there but you can see Ferit spends the whole time laughing or trying to stifle a laugh. Reminds me of Cagri in the scene in 18 when they’re watching the security footage he was losing it in that scene as well. 

Anonymous said: i'm scared - I think they are really about to give us all of these happy EdSer scenes only to have something happen RIGHT before the wedding ceremony due to Babaanne. Based on the last episode, I don't think there's any chance of a breakup (knock on wood) but what if Serkan gets arrested, goes to jail for 2 years, and we get a time jump?

This was sent before the last two teasers, so yes I think something is gonna happen. We shall see!  I don’t really think Serkan going to jail for 2 years is in the cards, at least I hope not!  Besides if Babaanne did that she would have no hopes of ever reconciling with Eda, so that seems unlikely she’d follow through and leave him there for so long a time. 

Anonymous said: With the last week's sex scene, they did a lot of fade outs but the scene was basically still there so it wasn't much wasted effort for the actors. But for what they're teasing in episode 28 - idk how they can get away with showing them in the shower at all if Serkan lifting Eda with her clothes on had required blurring? Is Eda dropping her robe even pushing it? It's intriguing indeed.

Great questions. We’re 36 hours from finding out (well I'm longer than that because I wait for the English subs, hee hee) All I know is I want to see these scenes.. one way or another! 

[volturialice]

Hey! How are you? How did you end up having a blog here? And how did you manage to get so many followers? I mean I'm pretty sure you have hundreds of followers... Anyway, thank you for your time!

I’m good, thanks! and that’s an excellent question! I ask myself the same things every day tbh.

how did I end up having a blog here: in fall 2018, ads for the twilight 10th anniversary showings in theaters prompted me to check whether there was an active twilight fandom on tumblr. “oh, that’s cool,” I thought upon discovering it, “maybe I’ll lurk this a bit.” I had no intention of making my own blog. then I was scavenging the Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale tag on ao3 and came across shannon’s magnum opus and just HAD to make memes about it!! I needed to! and for that I needed a blog! so I made one.

how did I manage to get so many followers: I think a lot of factors went into this. #1 is timing. I showed up right at PEAK renaissance, when this hellsite was flooded with nostalgic people rediscovering twilight. I gained about 500 followers between nov 2018-jan 2019 just by reblogging shitposts/edits and occasionally posting my own observations/takes/whatever—which I think was true for most people posting at that time. everyone was starving for content and following each other like CRAZY.

then in jan/feb/march 2019 a bunch of things happened almost at once:

I tried my hand at making some name edits

I opened up fic prompts

the fandom exploded into a nasty round of Ace Discourse. I was fairly outspoken about being ace myself and (once I had finished blocking a dozen or so people) tried to signal boost as many aroace-positive blogs as I could—with the result that I was signal boosted in turn by some pretty big blogs.

and that’s right when this blog really took off. kind of crazy, because I’m 99% certain I lost followers due to my stance on aroace inclusion—but my count was rising so fast by then that if I did, I didn’t notice. it’s hard to attribute the sudden influx of followers to any one of the three things above, but I think it was kind of a case of the planets aligning so that suddenly I was getting reblogged a lot by tons of different people for a bunch of different reasons. and then, of course, the more followers you have, the more you get reblogged, etc etc, until you just…have a lot of followers.

I also had several shitposts last year get up to 1k+ notes (starting with this one,) which isn’t exactly something you can control but it def made that follower count skyrocket, and by the end of 2019:

started from the bottom now we’re here. actually that’s a lie I’ve since blown way past this but it’s the aesthetic that counts.

but yeah. it’s tough to come up with a 1:1 explanation, but there’s a lot of little stuff you can do to gain followers! it just so happened to be stuff I was doing anyway because it’s fun and I really like interacting with the twilight renaissance community ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. y’all the goat. 

G’s tips for gaining followers:

make sure you’re using tags! this one feels kind of obvious, but has to be stated, since tags are extra important if you don’t already have a large following. tag for ships, characters, actors, individual books/movies, and categories like “#twilight renaissance,” “#twilight edit” “#twilight fanfiction” etc.

shitposts. this fandom is all about the shitposts. basically, leave yourself open to inspiration, and whenever you come across something (text meme, reaction image, netflix screencap, product in a store, etc) that could easily apply to twilight, edit & post it!

interaction. comment on things, send asks off anon, participate in ask games, dm people if you have questions/observations/recs (and even if you don’t!)

rec things yourself! and tag the creators! it’s easy to make rec lists and it makes people SO happy

if you make content of any kind (art, edits, moodboards, fic, etc) taking prompts will hella boost your engagement. (just be careful not to overwork yourself or bite off more than you can chew!)

design posts that are open-ended/interactive. examples include “tag yourself” games, generators, posts like this one. basically anything that’s a conversation, and invites some kind of response!

hosting contests, giveaways, and challenges also gets lots of engagement. @twilight-af‘s recent 15 (extended to 25) Day Challenge is a great example. I hosted this ridiculous contest last spring and it was SO much fun! I absolutely plan to host a similar contest this spring (stay tuned)

read-along/watch-along content is fun and easy to post. examples: see the time I read the graphic novels or the time shannon and I invented a drinking game

if anyone else has suggestions, feel free to add on!

[firebirdsdaughter]

I'm a lil behind on Zero-One (ep 21), but what a terrible "lesson" Fuwa proposed around the 16 minute mark. Why should the victims (Humagears) learn to protect themselves from human's malice when it should be the humans who should learn not to treat Humagears like trash/mind-and heartless tools? The way it is rn, I fully support Horobi's idea of getting rid of humanity. This is such a terrible concept of victim shaming, and Gai with his temper tantrum/hurt ego bs only makes things worse.

I think we interpreted that scene a little differently.

To me, the impression I got was HumaGear do need to be better able to deal w/ ‘negative’ emotions, like anger and resentment, bc they have no idea how to react to them, which allows the Ark to pop in and prompt them to go completely berserk rather than just getting back up and snapping back, or even just pushing back, bc it’s providing the only guidance for these new feelings. Bc humans have always expected them to be completely obedient and benevolent, that’s the only way they’ve been taught to behave. When they experience something like anger, they don’t know what to do or how to control it, leaving them open to the Ark to manipulate or hack them. While they appear to be adults, AI are still very similar to children in that they learn and develop from the world around them and process it. Yes, ‘adults’ are responsible, but trying to change them is so large scale that the easier thing would be to try and teach the ‘child’ what to replicate and what’s not okay, and how to deal w/ it.

Also, I feel like Fuwa’s wording, though he’s def far from being fully in terms w/ his issues w/ HumaGear, laid the issue more at humanity’s feet. Humanity made them, made the world, so it’s their responsibility to make sure that HumaGear are as equipped to deal w/ what happens in it as other humans are. Even if it’s understandable, it’s still not okay if a human being goes on a rampage bc they were hurt or mistreated. Basically, I felt like Fuwa was suggesting teaching HumaGear anger management, which I feel like recognises them more as sentient people than expecting their blind benevolence, or even to try and teach them not to fall into the trap that’s been set for them. It’s not a great answer, but esp considering the guy originally believed that all HumaGear were inherently evil, it shows some growth.

Gai, meanwhile… Well, won’t get into spoilers, but the guy is meant to be that shitty person. Sakuragi apparently loves seeing people talk about how much they hate Gai, bc it means he’s doing his job. Gai is that arrogant, petty, capitalist dickwad who thinks he’s above everyone. Gai’s whole schtick is that he creates problems so that his tech can ‘solve’ them.

For me, I think the impression I was getting was Fuwa starting to come out of victim blaming and seeing that HumaGear need to be treated more like people (i.e. learn anger management, learn to see other ways to deal w/ things than following the Ark, esp bc you’re not gonna completely change society’s views so easily), and recognising humans are at fault. Gai meanwhile wants to prompt that blame, wants to paint a picture that a lot of people would love to buy into, that they didn’t do anything wrong, and it was the ‘fault’ of the technology. The main issue being the sheer scale; should humans learn to treat HumaGear? Hell yes. But one kid isn’t going to change a whole damn society quickly enough to make a difference. They need to be able to persevere w/ minimal loss of life to form building blocks. Fair? Absolutely not. Realistic? Honestly… Yes.

I do have issues w/ how the show handles HumaGear and Aruto’s and others sympathies. One thing that has absolutely been going through my head, that I wish someone would say, is ‘humans created HumaGear, why do HumaGear suddenly need to justify their existence to humans?’ Basically, while I think the ‘believe in HumaGear’ tagline should stay, I would love for it to be paired w/ someone asking for a reason for HumaGear to believe in humanity. One exchange that I’ve wanted to include in my writing somehow, for a while, was a response to Yua’s ‘will HumaGear have good will toward humanity?’ question; to me, that response is ‘does humanity deserve their good will?’

If… Any of that made sense? I’m really sorry for the mess, I hope I worded that well enough. I think my main thing is that, yes, humanity is the root of the issue and yes, that’s blatantly unfair. And I hate to sound like an old coot, but the fact is that life is very not fair, and that it’s often easier to survive and make groundwork rather than trying to force an (aggressive and w/ a capitalist jackass fuelling the fire) large society to change. The other things is that this is a kid’s show, and it is going to go for a broader strokes in many ways (actually I’ve begun to think ‘broader strokes/themes’ is a staple of a Takahashi-driven story). And yeah, it absolutely has its issues. Just like Ex-Aid did, honestly. And some bigger than others. But there is some stuff there. I don’t want to spoil anything, but there have been developments that give me hope that they’ll be starting to address/touch on the bigger issues regarding ‘blame’ and stuff like that, esp w/ new revelations.

Oh, gods, I hope all this made sense. I’m really sorry if it didn’t.

[yaachtynoboat711]

Fonder Ch. 3

A/N: Hopefully, this isn’t as angsty as the previous chapters have been. I have become a monster 😭😭😭. Anyways, I hope y’all enjoy. Enjoy the houseclaim link too.

Word Count: 1966

Warning(s): Angst, slow burn

Friday, September 12, 2014, Los Angeles, California, 9:35 a.m., Winston’s Apartment

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Fuck. Already?”, Winston muttered to himself as he slowly twisted his body to shut the alarm off. Nearly three months after his breakup with Yaa and he still wasn’t used to not being greeted with a funny text of some sorts from her. No funny voicemail or meme to start the day off with. Fuck, I miss her.

His phone buzzed; it was from Michelle, his new girlfriend of almost a month and a half. She was sweet and caring, but not Yaa by a long shot. They kinda just met—no bells and whistles. They met at a coffee shop when he was filming for Person of Interest. She was coming to town for a few weeks for an assignment. As a freelance journalist, she didn’t have a choice to pick or choose what assignment to take.

“Hey, you.”, Winston answered.

“How are you, honey?”, she replied.

“Just waking up. Have you boarded yet?”

“They’re about to close the door. Calling you to remind you that my flight gets here at 2:35 and—“

“—and you want me to pick you up? I was actually thinking about letting you hang out at the airport for a few while I got dinner ready.”, he suggested nonchalantly.

“What? Winston,no! Why would you do that? You don’t want me there or something?”, she squeaked.

“Geez, Michelle, r e l a x. I was kidding! Can’t take a joke?”, he answered defensively. Michelle definitely wasn’t Yaa. By now, Yaa would’ve cussed him completely out before adding, “That’s why I’ll get some old dick or my side nigga to come get me, since you playin’ so goddamn muhfuckin’ much.” Yup, Khalida was a Carolina reaper and Michelle was a bell.

“Ok. I’ll call you when I land. Talk you then!” The phone clicked.

“Damn,bye.”, he said as he locked his phone.

After he showered, he walked into kitchen to hear Power 106 playing “Tuesday”. His song at the moment. Bop and bop, he danced without a care in the world. He’d had a productive week after all: he’d just returned from New York for more work, met his audition quote for the month, and folded his clothes the moment they came out of the dryer. He was long overdue for a haircut, but hey, he wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

Since it was Friday, he had laxed schedule: gym, pick Michelle up, date at the house, take her to her hotel, and possibly watch some TV or Netflix.

But, since he had time before going to the gym, he was going out for a run.

4:27 p.m., Vons

Going to the gym before running bus errands was probably the dumbest decision he’d made in a minute. His thighs were still on fire and so were his arms. Dumbass. He sat in Vons’ parking lot for a breather and to Google what wine goes with lemon chicken piccata. Yaa had taught him the basics of wine pairing, but advanced pairings weren’t quite his forte. Sauvignon blanc. Bet.

Winston confidently walked into Vons ready to conquer the wine and spirits aisle. He got a little too overzealous; he went to the wrong aisle. When he finally made it to the right one, he just about had a heart attack. Is that—nah. She wouldn’t be out here. Lemme go over one more aisle and come through the other way to get a better look. He tussled with the idea that she would be in California, but then again, what other copper loc’d, Alabama crimson and houndstooth wearing, thick Black woman would be in Malibu? It is Khalida.

He conjured up the perfect plan: she was glued to her phone (when wasn’t she?), so he would intentionally bump into her cart so she could look up. Here goes nothing.

He got closer to the middle of the aisle, taking his box of cereal out of his hand basket. He bumped into her, causing his cereal to fall from his grip and her her phone.

“Goodness, I am so so sorry. I need to stop driving distrac—”, she finally looked up and her eyes immediately bugged out, dropping the box of cereal. “Winston?! Wh-wh...What are you do-doing out in Malibu?”, she tried searching for words. Winston chuckled deeply.

“It’s nice to see you, too, K.D.”, he said unenthusiastically. “The question is: what are you doing in California?”

The two hugged deeply. Three months apart and the spark was still there. They both took in each other’s scents and finally separated.

One thing he definitely noticed about her was that she was taking of her self. Fresh re-twist and color? Check. Skin cleared up? Most def. Been to the gym? Had she?! She was thicker, yet toned. Her ex-boyfriend had to be responsible. My God from Zion, she still looks like an image of beauty.

“Well, not even a week after we broke up, Kimya and I get a call saying we’d been invited to work out here in L.A. on this secret project. It’s due October 20th and we’re leaving November 1st. How’s LA been treating you?”

“I’ve been back in New York actually filming Person of Interest. I think I recalled you watching it at some point.” Why couldn’t I have just waited?!

“Word? I stopped watching after the first season if we’re keeping it a hunnit. How big of a role are we talking?”, she crossed her arms in anticipation of his answer.

He was ready to brag now. “I can’t say much, but it’s a pivotal role in the season’s progression. I’m playing someone totally opposite of myself.” He was feeling himself; he sported a full grin. “You look good. Working out?” Yes, God, she is. Blessed be.

She noticed him staring at her slightly toned but oh so edible thighs. Her calves were more defined. Thanks to dancing and working out with Matt, she was physically in the best shape of her life.

“I have, actually. Thanks for noticing.” She jokingly struck a pose. “ANYWAYS, I gotta go because I got oxtails braising on the stove and that’s the only thing that should be braising when I get back.” Oxtail?!?! Surely, that’s not just for her. Has to be Matt. Lucky bastard. She picked up the wine she came in for.

“That’s what I came for, too. I have a uh...date tonight and I just googled what to get in the parking lot.” They laughed.

Even though she laughed, he could sense her energy shift.

“A date?! Who’s the lucky winner?”, she asked.

“Her name is Michelle. She’s a freelance writer. You seeing anybody?” He asked with bated breath.

Khalida nodded and covered her mouth as she processed the new information. “A freelance writer? Nice.” Her energy reverted. “And to answer your question, nope. This project gotcha girl swamped. I don’t have time to entertain a relationship.”, she was partially lied. I'm surprised she didn’t pull anyone the week after our relationship. I’m amazed Matt hasn’t scooped her up.

Winston looked down at his watch. “Shit! I gotta go start dinner. Before I go, here’s my new number. It was nice seeing you.” He gave her his new number and they exchanged addresses before they hugged one last time and traveled their separate ways.

Deep down, he wanted to just scoop her up and drown her in kisses, but he still had to go home to Michelle.

“Hey, Wins.”, she called out, walking back towards the end of the aisle. He quickly snapped his head around.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t be a stranger.”

He lowered his head and laughed. “I won’t. I promise.”

8:36 p.m., Winston’s apartment

He replayed that in his head over and over again. Why did I just let her go like that? For some reason, he decided to play an Apple Music break-up playlist . Of all the songs that aided him with the agonizing break-up, only one spoke to him: She’s Out of My Life by Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson was Khalida’s all-time favorite artist (second was Beyoncé), so the pain stung a tad more. She kinda hated that song because she wanted to know, in her exact words,“who the fuck would hurt my good dawg Mike the way they did. Punk ass bitch. ” The thought of Khalida cursive a hypothetical person out 35 years after the fact always made him cackle. Even though the song came out in 1979, Michael was speaking to Winston’s exact to situation.

It’s out of my hands

It’s out of my hands

To think for [seven months] she was here

And I took her for granted, I was so cavalier

Now the way that it stands, she’s out of my hands.

So I learned that love's not possession

And I learned that love won’t wait

Now I’ve learned that love needs expression

But I learned too late

Winston stared off into the abyss, deep within his thoughts, and tears staining his face as the song looped for what seemed like an eternity. It was true: he sorta realized that he was being possessive about their love and that love wouldn’t wait. Damn Khalida for being right the whole time. Damn Carrie for throwing that stupid prophecy over their heads and ultimately being right. Damn Michael Jackson for making this song especially for him. But mostly, damn himself for allowing himself for pursuing a woman out of his league like Yaa. She was walking Black Girl Magic and he didn’t deserve to be in the same room as her, yet alone call himself her boyfriend.

He could hear his phone ringing in the other room. He let it ring and it rang once more before he got up to answer it.

He took the phone off the charger and saw 2 missed calls from his mom. Shit,shit shit. He tapped on the notification with the quickness; she quickly answered.

“Winston, my son, I called you twice. I began to worry.”, his mom opened.

“I know, I’m sorry,mum. I was in another room. Everything ok?”, he answered.

“I should be asking you the same question. I’ve been worried about you lately.” She could sense something was wrong with her youngest born. “I called because I’m worried about you.”

He sat up. “Wh-what? Why?”

“I sense an emptiness in your voice and in your spirit, Winston.”

“An emptiness?”

“Yes, my child, an emptiness. Like someone stripped away something precious.”

“I...I couldn’t honestly tell you. I may just be homesick and missing you.”

He wasn’t totally wrong, but neither was he telling the whole truth. While he was adjusting to the rapid LA pace and lifestyle as the “new normal”, part of that new normal was adjusting to his life without Khalida. It was rough, but he was managing.

“Well, just know that I’m praying for you. I don’t know what it is that void, but whatever it may be, don’t allow to rob you of the joy God has blessed you with, eh? It is my prayer that you find peace and comfort. I want you to have a full and complete life, ok? I love you.”, she said.

He flicked away the tear that fell. “I love you,too.”

Leave it to his mother to say what needed to be said without actually knowing what was actually going on. He sat at the edge of the bed, thinking about how much growth and maturity that needed to take place in his life. Khalida mentioned it before their break-up and she was right. Both of them needed to grow before they could be together again. The repairs on the plane were in its beginning stages.

Tag List, You’re Doing Amazing ,Sweetie.

@muse-of-mbaku @kumkaniudaku @eriknutinthispoosy @whoramilaje @mbakusthrone @mbakuwife @crushed-pink-petals @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @jackburtonsays @randomwordprompts @bartierbakarimobisson @wakandan-flowerz @blackpantherreblogs @babygirlofwakanda @eerythingisshaka @washyourlinens @turn-thy-paige @doublesidedscoobysnacks @wakandas-vibranium @theunsweetenedtruth @dramaqueenamby @destinio1 @sonofnjobu @teheeboo @chefjessypooh @sarahboseman @iamrheaspeaks @chaneajoyyy @fonville-designs @supersizemeplz @starryeyedsav @lovelynervouschaos @cay-cah @coonflix @katasstrophey @foxfables @mareethequeen @jozigrrl @great-neckpectations @jellybean531 @yofavcocoa @storibambino @maya-leche @blackgirloneshots @royallyprincesslilly @texasbama @abeautifulmindexposed

[adventurousrecovery]

"Friends"

(I had met with my ex to exchange items after my chiropractor appointment. My lengthy speech days before was not enough clarification so he sought further, questioning our status. I smiled at the stupidity of the question and responded, "Friends." My answer was not the one he wanted and I received numerous messages before I had returned home. He wanted to make sure all items had been returned.)

Me: Yes unless I come across something else.

Ex: super great

Ex:I removed myself from your artist page

(I had made him an admin when he questioned my loyalty after my previous ex and his wife had messaged me.)

Me: Ok. I don't think I'd know how to do that lol

(I wouldn't.)

Ex: ok

Ex: pictures.

Ex: i need to remove tags and pictures

Ex: fucking facebook

Ex: its all like oh something went wrong

Ex: im about to just block you and see if that takes care of it

Ex: did you do a thing or did it work?

(He was looking for a response and I wasn't going to give it. I was more so stressed that he wouldn't leave me alone.)

Me: idk?

Ex: did you delete pictures on your end?

Me: No?

(I responded in the form of a question because I had deleted pictures of us weeks before we broke up, but not from social media. I felt he would not respond well to my confessing of the prior.)

Ex: oh ok

Ex: ok i think I got them all

Me: Good job lol

(What did he want...a pat on the the back?)

Ex: thanks LOL

(LOL was his common response when upset or not in control while seeking the last word in an attempt to feel in control. I find it to be the equivalent of "I'll pray for you" when Christians argue.)

Me: *sends a GIF of A. C. Slater and Zack Morris from "Saved By the Bell" giving themselves a pat on the back*

Ex: I take that as sarcastic

Ex: im still debating blocking you lol

(He was still looking for a response.)

Me: If you wish

(Encouragement in hope that he does.)

Ex: k bye

(I saw an opportunity.)

Me: There is one thing you should know.

Ex: ?

Me: *sends a picture of the Joan Jett and Styx concert tickets*

Me: Hahahahahaha! Bye

Ex: wow.

Ex: im glad you think thats funny

Me: You threatened me with Journey. I got the tickets the day after Indy.

(We went to Indy for my appointment and had both looked forward to getting out of town. On the way he questioned my delay in response to his questions the day before. Eventually he suggested, "Maybe we should break up", which was his go-to when things got rough. I took his offer. I went to my appointment and he sat outside. During that time he managed to convince himself that I had been using him the whole time. We left and got in the car where he proceeded to drive recklessly while being verbally aggressive. His excessive fidgeting had me worried he was going to hit me. I sat in silence as he brought up every concern and emotion he had ever tucked away. He attacked my sexuality. He put me down. He spoke on my behalf, answering his own questions. We were halfway back to Terre Haute before we began to communicate appropriately. By the time we returned to my apartment he was convinced we could work things out. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I told him if we were to further pursue this relationship I would have to see changes made, but that did not guarantee permanence. We went to DD for coffee. I knew he would pay. I didn't order. He was surprised. I didn't want him to think I was using him. We returned to my apartment and I got out of the car and walked away. It was only a matter of minutes until I received phone calls and messages.)

Me: But, still...its funny?

(He doesn't deny his threats.)

Me: This whole conversation is ridiculous.

Ex: I get that you got tickets to something

Ex: im glad you did

Ex: I hope you have a good time

Ex: but honestly I didn't expect you to tell me like that. I assumed you were a little better than that.

Me: I am certain I will. I didn't want to tell you like that but you weren't being nice.

(It was a dick move, but it was a good one!)

Ex: sure

Me: Threatening me with Journey tickets is an attempt to get an emotional response and gain some sort of control was a dick move, but then I quickly realized joan jett was the same night and I can still make it to work. I tolerated your harsh words and irrational behavior. I hoped things could be nice but it was clear that was not gonna happen, especially now.

Ex: ok

Me: I do wish good for you and believe you are better than you present.

Ex: ok

Ex: When did I threaten you with journey tickets exactly?

Ex: How so?

Me: In the car, "I think I'm gonna sell the tickets."

Me: "Okay"

Me: "Try to get my money back"

Me: "Okay"

Ex: that wasn't a threat, that was me hoping you would offer to buy them

(I offered to, but then I realized it was symbolic of all the times he pulled the "Maybe we should break up" card and me finally responding as he wished by begging and pleading no. I am not that person. I will not be that person. Instead, I bought tickets to Joan Jett and Styx after remembering they were to be performing in Noblesville the same night Journey was performing with Def Leppard in Louisville. Plot twist, asshole.)

Ex: call me.

Ex: please/

Me: I can't right now cause I'm still with my sis and packing up kaine to drop stuff off at work before going to the dog park

Ex: ok

Ex: well, nevermind then.

(I thought the conversation was finally over. Nope.)

Ex: I have $240 in the tickets, and at that moment i was frustrated and it was becoming clear we wernt going

Ex: I apologize that you lack the ability to see things outside of your scope and also lack the ability to recognize that sometimes people have moments.

(Again, he was speaking on my behalf. What I experienced was not a moment. It was the red flag I needed for the others had been bright enough. It was not just a "moment". It was an indicator of what I would experience if the relationship continued.)

Ex: Especially for someone who has so many. You complain so much about people not understanding you but it seems like you also arnt willing to take the time to understand other people.

Ex: and im sorry that you view everything as an attack on you, i know that sucks for you.

(Seems my voice was never loud enough and I admit that. I do fail to understand things. Ya can't teach a know-it-all. I do not view everything as an attack, but a potential attack. Trust is a HUGE issues and I didn't have that with him. I admit there are people I do not understand. I have become better at recognizing when to take time to understand because I know that whatever behavior or words were present were not of that person's character and who is actually an asshole that I cannot and do not have to fix. I understood that it was more than a moment and I was not going to stick around to "understand" and be manipulated and brainwashed to think otherwise.)

Me: I told you the truth of my limitations upon entering the relationship.

Ex: I know.

Me: School, work, mental health, recovery etc.

(I was extremely thorough with all that surrounded my mental health and placed great emphasis on my education and limited availability. I suggested he build relationships with those around him, staying in communication, and even attend counseling because there would be times I could not give him the support he was seeking.)

Ex: right

Ex: well, congrats.

(Congrats on my newfound freedom and reduction of stress? Yes!)

Ex: I guess the whole friends idea is done then?