#I'm being cringe and having fun and that's what counts c:

[somegrumpynerd]

I tried out writing some ace Sans for myself pride month! It's also soriel because of course it is

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

Sooo, I finished Chapter 1 of THH and I got THOUGHTS! Spoilers ahead so keep that in mind! For one, fairly decent chapter. Trying to keep count of how many days have passed in game cus I've been curious about that. So far it's been 4. Another thing is that, every time I see Byakuya, I just laugh a bit because it's so strange for me seeing him in his natural habitat. Furthermore, I got thoughts on the dialogue. Fairly fine there's times I've cringed, mostly with Hifumi. Can totally get why some don't like him. Not one for all the inuendo's he makes and his very insistence of using cringe gamer lingo in unnatural ways. Personally headcanoning that's his way of coping with the situation but I suppose me saying that is also MY way of tolerating him. I will be sure to actually interact with him though so I can fully get a grasp on his character, what he's about in his FTE's, and if I can safely say if I actually dislike him or if it's just mildly cringy. Another note on the dialogue is that one scene very much made me uncomfortable a bit. 'Twas when Sayaka ran off after watching her motive video and Monokuma came in like "Oooh Makoto! You got a boner" and started describing stuff but also describing his own bare stuffing like, I'm a visual reader so that was just awful. Felt that scene was off too. I get having levity, but at wasn't necessary levity in the situation in my opinion. Meanwhile, regarding the investigation, I had fun running around and judging everyone. I totally get why some of them are where they are but seriously. Some of these losers weren't even trying to make sense where they were standing. Sakura and Mondo make sense cus they were on body guard duty (pun intended), Chihiro said they felt bad for leaving Junko's corpse so I get that. I suppose Hiro was too scared and freaked out to move so that's why he stayed in the gym too. I get Toko running off to a random classroom as well, saying she didn't wanna help cus she's bad at blood. Leon I get too cus he's ya know, the killer. Prob has no clue where to go and is just watching from afar. Watchin in the sense of like, the door being closed. Cus he's not in the room and the door is shut and all. The others though? No clue. Why is Taka just standing in the hallway? What is he doing there? Trying to calm his nerves? His dialogue doesn't really suggest that though. Or, why is Celeste in that one room with the big vault door? Is she admiring it or something? At least got to your room if you're not interested in helping, girl! Byakuya cracks me up the most cus he is LITERALLY right near his door! Just go in your room if you're gonna be useless, my dude! Or at least sit on the floor, cross your legs, and twiddle your thumbs on the floor, why don'tcha! Personally, I feel that it'd at least be fair if one of these losers was in the bathroom or something! Would be a small but of situational levity AND make sense! Not that they all know at the time that the trial area would have no where to sit and they'd be standing for hours debating or anything. A restroom break makes sense though! Get a little anxiety shit out before it all goes south! Speaking of which, no clue why it mentioned in text there were seats. There's no seats in the trial room. They all stand there. No clue why that was mentioned. Unless that meant the ground which, I mean I guess that works. Finally, I wish to mention the gameplay I had as well. For one, I chose mean mode for my playthrough to spice things up! Went well besides a few misclicks. Hands got a bit sweaty even though I know what happens and all. The BTB at the end. though? Took me so many tries that it tanked my grade from an A to a C! I at least think that was the main cause. Would not be surprised. One last thing btw, Byakuya is oddly helpful here. Legit understandable! Makes reasonable deductions and all! Agreed with his takes! I swear I'm not just defending him for the sake of it! He's legit just fine here. Not for looong though~! Chapter 2 is afoot!!

[lowkeyrobin]

hi hi!! 🦕 back once again!! i just love your writing :) could i get somethin where the reader is in their first mcc and their cheerleader (can’t decide on who from the cricket crew, surprise me!!) is cheering them on either from the sidelines, they’re on the same team, or on opposite teams and their cheerleader is purposely throwing to increase readers chances of winning pretty please 🦕

(also, yes, 🦕 anon)

(also sorry for request spamming)

omg no dw ab req spamming at all! and welcome to the family 🦕 anon! thank you so much for the compliment <3 ; and I love love love this prompt, hope u enjoy !!! i mixed ur req up a little bc I had to do Freddie bc he's so fucking underrated (and I'm carrying the badlinu fanfiction atm so yk) and I also wanted to include a little friendship bit w tommy, tubbo & billzo and also include freddie 💪💪 (if anyone's interested I do have a badlinu x enby oc fanfic on my wattpad [lowkeyrobin] so hehehhw)

FREDDIE BADLINU ; MCC cheerleader

summary ; freddie, although not playing in MCC, cheers you on from the sidelines while you're paired with Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo. The three also throw you some extra chances to win for the group, considering last MCC went horrible for you, and they want you to actually have fun this time!

warnings ; language, fake noxcrew drama/hate, maybe me forgetting how mcc works...

word count ; 1.5k

masterlist

Freddie sits next to you, helping you set up before you start your stream. He sets your famous y/f/c water bottle on your desk and sets some small snacks down as well, paired with a sandwich and chips.

You focus on your monitors before starting your stream with the Starting Soon screen, deciding to start earlier than everyone to just chat and then hop into MCC when your teammates join the VC. You talk with Freddie for a moment, making sure you both had snacks, water, and were comfortable in your current clothes. You begin your stream, screaming as the starting soon screen fades out, revealing you two being loud and waving hello.

"Hi chat! I'm starting before everyone else just to talk and eat for a minute!"

"And I'm here!"

"No one cares about you, Freddie!"

"Jesus, okay"

After talking for a solid half hour and eating your sandwich, and interacting with chat, your teammates began to spill into the VC.

"What the fuck is up, Pink Penises!?" Tommy screams as he joins the voice call, being the last to join.

"Jesus fucking Christ, man! Turn your volume down!" You shout, quickly removing your headphones after cringing from the ear-splitting screaming.

"Bitch, you turn your volume down!-" Tommy shouts back, cutting himself off as he hears Molly in the other room yelling at him to quiet down some, as she was trying to watch a movie. "Nevermind, I'll turn my volume down..."

You, Tubbo and Ranboo laugh, and you hop onto the MCC server, making a remark about how this would be your last MCC if you got treated like shit again. Freddie puts his earbuds in and plugs them into his phone, joining the voice chat so he could hear his friends.

"Wait, no, I remember that they said it was because you were blindly following people and you lost fair and square but when I rewatched the clip the arrows never popped up for you!" Tubbo exclaims, recalling one of the moments during Ace Race from your last MCC.

"Yes, dude!" You exclaim, meeting up with the three and crouch-greeting Quackity and Niki, who were with the Olive Ocelots with Punz and Foolish. "You can literally see frame by frame, not once did the arrows appear. It wasn't even a glitch just on my end, they just didn't show up and I dunno how! Even Sapnap defended me because they didn't show up for him either! It stopped the whole thing for 10 minutes and they still wouldn't hear me out, I just wanted to clear my name!"

"They literally said it was your fault meanwhile it was a problem on their end. The whole fucking Ace Race and Hole In The Wall were stolen from you, dude" Tommy nods, going in 3rd person to show off your matching, recolored pink skins, "Funny how the two you trained hardest for, you came in last for due to "your computer lagging/glitching and how it isn't their fault"

"I'm not even mad about it, it's the fact they kept blaming me when it's not my fault that their dumbass texture packs kept breaking" You complain, "Anyways, hopefully this goes a bit better" You lightly smile, feeling Freddie pat your shoulder. "Tommy, look at your shirt in front 3rd"

Tommy switches his pov to 3rd person front, seeing the whole front of his shirt had a large, pink penis on it, thanks to you designing the recolored skin. "You're so fucked up!" He laughs

"I'm the best, I know, I know"

Hole In The Wall had begun, Freddie being your sensei as he sat beside you, shouting out directions and strategic moves for you.

"Go to the left! Left, left, left!"

"On the right, quick, quick!"

"Dude, you got fifth! I'm so proud of you!"

Parkour Tag was next, and Freddie was being your eyes while you focused on being away from everyone else.

"Sapnap is it! He's right behind you, go up the left side!"

"How do I make that jump? That's fucking impossible"

"Crouch at the edge of that, sprint and jump, aim for the closest one, you have to go straight then like curve it"

"Oh my God, fuck yeah! See! You did it!"

"Just spam space, trust me!"

Bingo But Fast was never your strong suit so you let Freddie take a break, letting your teammates try and win that one for you. No way in hell you were gonna be able to find slime balls or an iron axe. Freddie stream sniped Ranboo, seeing their card was similar to yours, not even knowing where to find half the stuff on the map.

"Some others are lost too, they loaded the wrong map I think, you can't get some of this stuff at all on this one"

"Noxcrew..." You put on your best Batman impression, staring into your camera, "When I find you, Noxcrew, when I find you!"

Of course, all the training for Ace Race didn't go to waste, and with Freddie becoming your actual cheerleader, chanting and all, you'd ended up coming in second place.

Sky Battle was hell, and it was basically only you and Tommy after Tubbo got himself nearly insta-killed and Ranboo made the bad idea to try and take on Philza.

The rest of MCC remained with the pink haired boy behind you acting as your cheerleader and helping you out a bit. But, he also made sure you were drinking enough water and weren't getting too stressed out or getting a little gamer raged, considering it wouldn't be good for your mental health.

"Drink the damn water, you're screaming your voice away"

"Nuh uh" You say as you chug down at least half of the refilled bottle.

As Dodgebolt came around, you and the rest of your team were stressed. You had to win against the Olive Ocelots, because a little Twitter drama happened due to your big mouth shit talking Ranboo for the bit. You really just didn't wanna pay them a hundred dollars today, not after that shit loss in Sands Of Time. You swore the other teams were playing shit over the fiasco of last MCC, but Tommy, Tubbo, Freddie and Ranboo all agreed that you were just fucking cracked at Minecraft this afternoon.

Over the course of the stream, Freddie had stolen some sunglasses for you, a Valentines Day stream prop, and had been wearing them for nearly an hour, and he, in boredom, found a pink sharpie and used it to draw a giant dick on your forehead. Tubbo did the same with a washable marker he had laying around, and you guys started a little cult in between games, trying to summon Ranboo and Tommy into it.

You turn around to Freddie, apparently your coach now, "What do you say, Coach?" You ask him, referencing every football movie ever.

"Center left-field, defense on right" He answers.

"What?- Dude, MCC, not American football!" Tubbo exclaims, jumping all over your screen as to speak to Freddie.

The two of you laugh, and you turn back to him. "What's the plan, who should I aim for, Fred?"

"Okay, I think Tommy should go for Foolish because it's a little obvious, and make sure you're the first out! Ranboo and Tubbo could go for either Niki or Punz, and leave Y/n for Quackity. Leave it obvious the first round but totally mix up the strategy"

"Hear that, Tommy? Be quick, shithead"

"I got it, I got it"

The first to three of five wins, and sadly, it wasn't Pink Penises, although it would've been a win to remember.

Freddie stands up and wraps you in a hug anyways, whispering compliments into your ear as you smile.

"Much more fun than last time, yeah?"

You nod.

"We got fuckin second?" Tommy looks almost shocked, not realizing you'd lost the final round.

"We got second place! Hell yeah!" Tubbo smiles, throwing his hands in the air

"Second is the first losers, Tubbo!" Tommy shouts

"Shut up Tommy, you're just a sore second place winner because Y/n carried the whole team, take the L" Ranboo remarks with a smug look, seeing you and Freddie cheering yourself on and dancing over the video call.

After the group had muted and calmed down some, you turn to Freddie and hug him. He warmly accepts the gesture, seeing you a little teary eyed.

"Thanks for being my coach, man, I'm gonna miss you"

He catches onto the bit, sniffling as he nods, "You'll always be a star, don't stop dreaming, man"

You guys dramatically hug again, wailing and sobbing as you do so.

"Why the fuck are they wailing?"

"I swear to God, do you not use your ears?"

"I just undefaned to say goodbye!"

"Use your psychopathic powers, Tommy"

"What!?"

"That's psychological, Tubbo"

"Psychology powers, use them!"

"I'm leaving, fuck all of you and fuck you Ranboo for losing the last round"

"That wasn't even my faul- He's gone"

"I've never watched an American football movie, should I?" Tubbo asks.

You and Freddie quickly turn to your setup, shouting in unison.

"Nope!"

[citrus-cactus]

Citrus' Art Summary 2023!

The year is almost over, so here's my art summary for 2023! I got this template from here. This is my third year in a row being able to populate every month with a finished(/digital) piece (and really, I did a LOT more than what's shown here!), so that feels like something to celebrate!

Technically some of these choices don’t match up with their post dates; I counted some months as “when I was primarily working on them” and some as “when I actually published them,” but the sentiment remains. Like I said, it was a busy year! :)

Some more rambling + links to all featured artwork beneath the cut:

I remember last year I was quite worried about/was actually teetering on the edge of artistic burnout. There were definitely some months during this year that I felt a bit overwhelmed (particularly during the summer, when I was working on a 5-illustration series in a style that was DEFINITELY outside my norm, PLUS a bunch of other stuff), but I also appreciated the stylistic variety, and doing a lot of sketchbook drawings/marginalia that were(/are) just for me, so they never had to be "finished” or even "good." Even though almost everything pictured here is Digimon(/anime) art, I did experiment with a more "realistic" style for the Dracula Daily series (Aug/Sept), as well as trying to relearn the "Disney" style I started drawing in waaaaaaay back in high school, only now with a LOT more understanding of facial structure and anatomy. Largely, this style shake-up has been incredibly freeing (these are still sketchbook-only studies at this point, but I'm planning on some digital illustrations in the Disney style in 2024). I'm sure they still look pretty anime-influenced, and I'm not sure I'll ever truly be able to escape that, but honestly I don't mind; the anime aesthetic IS a part of my preference/style!

Let's see, the prevailing fandoms for what's shown here are Digimon Survive and Adventure 02. I really want to draw more Survive art next year!! Really happy with the collabo between @vidramon and myself (July), and honestly most (if not all) of these pieces. I worked hard, I branched out, I took on some really ambitious projects, and finished a ton of things (looking at you, March! That Knight drawing was a WIP for an entire year, but I finished it instead of abandoning it, which is what usually happens when things sit around that long!). Ultimately, I believe I told (and helped tell!) some great stories through my creative projects and art this year, which is my true goal forever and always.

Honestly I'm happiest with April's drawing. That one was a ton of fun to do, but I would have to work really hard to replicate that coloring style because I don't remember my brushes/settings, ahaha. Sadly this is how it usually goes with coloring for me; I make it up as I go almost every single time, which is why series are so difficult for me. I am nothing if not inconsistent -_-;

I would be remiss to mention that a huge part of my productivity this year was due to setting and tracking monthly goals for myself. I gotta thank everyone on the @campdigimonth server for their help in keeping me organized and motivated throughout the year! I plan on continuing my creative check-in posts in 2024.

Next year, I want to a) make more Survive art (particularly with Survive Week coming up), b) draw some more flippin' gargoyles (CRIIIINGE, but no, cringe is dead, I'mma do what I want!), and c) keep working on my personal project! And I am, once again, thinking about bookbinding. That's a "maybe" for next year as well!

Descriptions and links to the full artwork pictured for each month:

January: Survive Week, Day 5

February: Survive Gang Aromantic Week

March: Knight Unryuuji and Friend

April: “Rose-Tinted” fic illustration

May: Happy Birthday Vi!

June: Happy Birthday Haru Shinkai!

July: Happy 1st Anniversary Survive! (aka BEST SOCK FRIENDS)

August: Dracula, September 13

September: Dracula, September 20

October: Adv 02 Countdown Event, Day 7

November: “Boo!” on the Cob

December: Digimon Secret Santa 2023

[fictionkinfessions]

Current Ask Games

[open for fictotypes and system members and those it's applicable for!]

Anonymous asked: I know pride month is almost over but I’m still curious to ask for anyone who wants to answer or remembers: What was it like being LGBT+ in your canon/past life? Like was the setting (whether it was a town, country or the world you live in) accepting of it or was it a challenge to be who you were?

#lgbt mems

Anonymous asked: whats ur most boring canon mine is carla jean moss from NCFOM & its like. i lived in a shitty trailer, worked at walmart, and then got murdered at 19. riveting. 10/10 past life.

#canon bores

Anonymous asked: can we bring back kin jobs? that game was awesome. hi my name is danny fenton and i work at a circus. i promise i wasn’t mind controlled into it this time you guys #👻🪐💫

#canon jobs

Anonymous asked: canon lookalikes (or a better name if you have one i guess): who is someone, likely from another media, who bares resemblance to you(r kin/fictive/c-link/etc.) appearance-wise? maybe also trait-wise if you'd like to add that

#canon lookalikes

EDIT Two more games!

Aonymous asked :new kin game perhaps? pick a source you kin from (or have alters from! wanna include my plurals in this one) and then count how many dollars you'll have based on the number of kins (or alters) you have, this can include non-canon characters and ocs that are tied to sources just so more people can participate, and you can count multiple timelines or kinning the same character in different aus. i'm proposing the name #dollarkins for this idea, and I'll start first!

going with hlvrai, i kin 11 characters in a canon compliant sense, and with aus... [cringes as i look have to count them all] I've got about 25 dollars in total..... i can get myself a 3 month essenital playstation plus subscription with that......

#dollarcanons

Anonymous asked: hi!! i am starting an ask game cause it seems fun! name your main kintype/ID, and then a non-media interest you have currently!! for example: Yugi Muto from Yu-Gi-Oh is really into roller coasters and theme parks these days!! they are so cool!! :D ! #🃏🌠👾

#canon interests

[griefabyss69]

THREE!!!!!!!!! OF THEM!!!???

Hello!!! Thank you for asking about this one I'm pretty excited about it! This is a newer WIP - Another steddissy started this year after a conversation with my friend. It's going to be a longer fic, because when I write in Chrissy's POV I'm incapable of keeping it short. This one is already 11K and honestly has just begun LMAO... I'll probably end up breaking it up into two fics because I can see a natural stopping point in the middle of the plot. Her backstory is a little made up in the way that fandom already has taken what little we were given about her and came to it's conclusions. I take the religious trauma of it all a little further, and so while it's not explicit in the text, she is from one of the c*lty sects of christianity, and is at the part of her story/healing where she's making moves to get out of it. Here's a long piece of it bc it's hard enough to decide on what to share!!!: (Contents: allusions to the shitty parts of christianity, rated T for vague horniness, canon levels of drugs)

When Chrissy had become friends with Eddie, she had liked how it seemed like their own private little thing.

Just two people showing each other the craziest stuff they could find from two different worlds - Eddie's were gifts and hers were something Eddie called a blurse, a blessing and a curse.

She had to agree, he gave her proper weed and let her pick through his hidden music collection and let her try on his clothes and -

-tried on her clothes.

And what she gave him in return had been stories, mostly. Things that even deeply into her indoctrination she had known felt weird, wondering if life really was always like that, or at the very least knowing she was never actually going to be what they wanted her to be.

So he cringed and laughed and sometimes got tears in his eyes and didn't even try to hide them and she got to have fun, mostly. Turned on, sometimes, but she thinks that if God didn't want that to happen then he shouldn't have let someone with Eddie's waist try on her cheer skirt.

Anyway, their private little bubble was comfortable and safe and she was trying so hard every day now, to keep the damned thing intact.

It's just that going to the secluded Christian College at the end of town everyday just happened to put her right into Eddie's area, and while everybody else thought she was studying at the library or going for a workout to keep in shape or if they were really out of the loop, on a date with her ex-boyfriend; she was with Eddie.

Yeah, sometimes she studied or did her homework at his place, if reading from the textbook out loud just to watch his smile fall further and further into disgusted horror when she found something really terrible counted as coursework.

Most of the time they shared exactly one joint, sat a respectable amount of inches apart on the couch, and ate whatever new thing he'd been trying out in the trailer's tiny kitchen.

Honestly it made her heart start singing praises that sounded nothing like hymns at all.

The bubble does, eventually, burst.

But it's not her fault, and it's not even Eddie's fault.

Steve Harrington rocks up to the trailer one evening, looking like he bathed in gold as the sun sets behind him, and Eddie's composure crumbles to the ground and rebuilds itself in two quick blinks, all right before her eyes.

Yeah, that has something inside of her withering to hide under a shadow, but it also does something beautiful for her heart anyway. She'd… not known, but maybe hoped, that if Eddie wasn't into her then it'd be because he's gay. Not for her ego or self esteem or anything, being Eddie's friend is like working at a self esteem factory, but because he's just so.

There's just something about him that's outside of everything rigid in her life, and she'd been maybe even too scared to think about it directly, but with how easily he acts around her even when he's being so polite with very particular things, how they can do a little bit of flirting and it's just for fun, even if she thinks way too hard about it later… maybe there's reason for that.

Guys don't just flirt with her and not follow up on it.

So the bubble has burst and Steve Harrington is here, reminding her about the way she also used to get flustered around him, though Eddie's doing a much better version of not letting it to get to him than she'd managed.

Though it wouldn't have been an issue if she'd gotten caught looking too long.

Her breath catches in her throat at the thought of Eddie getting found out and vows to protect him however she can, even though like, she could be reading this whole thing completely wrong.

Eddie protects her though, if not physically then from the first half of her day.

She keeps her eyes off of his bare forearms as he lets Steve in and gives him a familiar spiel, though usually he makes her hide in his room before letting someone in to do a sale. He must trust Steve enough, for some reason.

"Oh, hey! Chrissy, nice to see you," Steve greets her, the stubble on his face adding something extra to his smile that makes her want to put him in a bubble. "You also here for Eddie's… services?"

The way he says it honestly sounds… dirty, and she has to think of Antarctica and keep her breathing slow so she doesn't turn into a human tomato.

If Eddie's services were at all about sex then she'd…

Anyway.

"Sort of," she says, not sure how much Eddie wants him to know, not sure how much she trusts him. "Just a joint."

Steve nods, his smile relaxing into something more genuine at the corners, and it's weird for a second, because the smile before had looked plenty real.

"Nice choice," he says, nodding like he's actually impressed, and that's got to just be for conversation.

"Steve, you wanna stay and smoke with us?" Eddie asks, coming back down the hallway. "I was thinking about ordering a pizza."

Chrissy raises her eyebrows, unable to keep from looking surprised. Today was supposed to be what Eddie said was a perfected recipe day, something he'd been working on and she'd been his audience for.

She'd tried his first attempt and one in the middle, and if he'd improved it anymore since then, she wanted it.

Eddie shoots her a wink - a sorry, thanks for putting up with his bullshit, and a promise to fill her in later all in one.

"That um, honestly sounds good," Steve says, and under Chrissy's scrutiny he looks… just as awkward as Eddie does.

It's like watching seventh graders compliment each other's braces.

She smiles, tosses a piece of hair over her shoulder, and spins to head off down the hall.

"Awesome! I'll be right back," she calls, going into the bathroom so she can try to condense the supernova of what might be affection or even just plain excitement down into three minutes of silent shrieking.

[flootweed]

Top 10 BL Shows of 2022

I posted a lil mini review of all of the 2022 BLs I watched this year but I wanted to infodump about my favorites more. I'm counting shows that started airing in 2021 but ended airing in 2022 as 2022 shows (sorry I need to talk about Not Me & Bad Buddy).

First, though, I wanted to highlight some (dis)honorable mentions, aka shows that are objectively mediocre but I love anyway. Love Mechanics has a wild soap opera plot, but YinWar really make you feel for their characters with their incredible acting and chemistry. Also, I'm in love with War sorry he's just too beautiful. Coffee Melody was watched by 7 people and those that did watch it tend to call it boring. I had no idea this show existed until my recent obsession with the actor Benz led me to watching every show he has starred in (speaking of which... Call It What You Want 😨). The main leads had zero sexual chemistry but the romantic chemistry was SO GOOD. Some of the best flirting I've seen in a BL. The side couple was also amazing. The script was great at one moment and mindboggling at another; I actually skipped most of the C plot stuff about the music company. It's not high art but it's cute and sometimes that is enough. Secret Crush On You was a mess but it was my mess okay. Cringe culture is dead and this show is fucking fun. The mere existence of Daisy as a character puts this show leagues ahead of many others in terms of queer rep. More femme queers in BL please !! The writing is... not the best but BillySeng did the best they could with what they were given. I'm glad they have been getting more work.

10: The Eclipse

I am very picky with shows set in high school but this is a high school set BL that acts as an allegory for political protest in Thailand as a whole. Obviously I fucking loved it. I'm honestly surprised its not higher on my list but I felt myself losing interest towards the end of the show. It just didn't stick with me like I thought it would. I still appreciate it what it had to say as a social commentary, though. It was interesting how it showed the different ways in which people cope with their marginalization. First and Kaotung did great in their roles I love them (though I feel bad because I will always prefer First as Yok).

9: My Only 12%

I have always loved Cooheart but Santa really impressed me in this show. The story itself was a bit slow but SantaEarth kept it from being boring because they really sold the relationship with their chemistry. Looking back on the show though it doesn't really feel like a romance but more of Eiw's coming of age story. The ending also had some issues; they decided to turn the show into an anti-smoking psa at the end so thats fun. Some story threads were dropped and some were completely unnecessary (the siblings). Overall, still very good though.

8: Ghost Host Ghost House

This show was tragic and heartwarming. Such a charming story about grief and love and the effect we have on one another. Seenam and her story fucking broke me. Like I was in pieces, tears and snot running down my face. On a lighter note, congrats to Pluem and Kawin for winning the award for best intimate scene of the year (yes better than cutie pie and lita and kp). They had absolutely fantastic chemistry. Also I wasn't mad at the time skip at the end, you could tell how much they had matured in their time apart.

This show was delightful and I loved it but it is lower on the list because there were so many filming issues. Also I got very annoyed with the script sometimes because very important scenes would happen off screen and the we would just be told about it. Most of the problems I had with it were probably due to budget issues which is really unfortunate.

7: To My Star 2

This. Show. I actually wasn't a super big fan of To My Star. I liked it but I wasn't obsessed with it like some people. It was just lacking a little something. And apparently the thing it was lacking was angst because I absolutely loved the second season. The emotions, the drama, the intimacy, the longing. UGH so good. The loneliness was so visceral I cried twice. Everything about it was just so well done and I felt like I finally understand these characters.

6: Bad Buddy

From here on every show is a 10/10.

The love story of the ages. There's really not much more I can say that basically sums it up. Ohm and Nanon are absolute legends. Also, I will always love this show for giving us milklove. This show occupied my every waking moment while it was airing, like it was an issue. I love how we can already see new shows taking influence from Bad Buddy, its what she deserves.

5: Blueming

Oh Blueming. Oh this darling show. Its so pretty and so painful. The mom scene makes me cry every time, it just hits too close to home. Siwon my darling child. Daun was at risk of being a manic pixie dream boy but the ending came in clutch and showed he actually had flaws and complex feelings we love that. The show itself had the same vibes of the queer indie films I would watch as a baby gay back in the day. The back-lit love scene was just gorgeous the way they just flowed back and forth from one another. Such a beautiful physicality.

4: 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

This is not a romance. Yet it has some of the best romantic and sexual chemistry of the year. Between two people who never even allowed themselves to touch each other. LIKE WHAT !!!??!!! This show is a literal masterpiece. The way it is written and shot is breathtaking; it feels like more of a stage play than a tv show. I just had a constant stream of tears for the entirety of the last episode. I still get so mad when people misinterpret this show or get mad that they don't kiss or it doesn't have a "happy" ending. Wang's actor was absolutely phenomenal I can't wait to see what he does in the future. This could honestly be even higher on my list but its not a romance so I don't really classify it as a BL.

3: Semantic Error

Sometimes you watch an autistic person and a person with adhd fall in love and it is one of the best things you've ever seen.

This is the definition of a well crafted show. I noticed this especially on my second watch; the script is just so tight. Well written, well shot, well acted. It was such a moment, like it literally singlehandedly saved the music career of Jaechan and his bandmates. I prefer my shows with a bit more grit, which is why it doesn't get the top slot but it is just so well done that it just had to be in the top 3.

2: Not Me

In contrast, this show is not perfect but has the grit I love. You could tell there were story threads that were dropped in the middle of the show and narrative threads that weren't followed through with. Yet this show is still god tier. I'm sorry but a show about a gang of gay anti-capitalists deserves all of my praise, even if the script is shaky at times.

Yok is my one true love, the light of my life, my favorite character of all time. First was so good as this character but Gun was definitely the standout actor in this series. Gun is an absolute powerhouse and he really showed his chops in Not Me.

I doubt this is the first time gay marriage is brought up in a BL but I feel like Not Me is really a turning point in allowing BL to be more explicitly political and queer. This show literally changed the game.

1: Triage !!!

Its a medical drama, its a time travel sci-fi, its an (almost) tragic romance. What more could you want. I try not to expect much from BLs with high concepts like this but damn this show blew me away. It takes a lot for me to have a strong emotional reaction to a show and yet I violently sobbed at least three separate times while watching this. Never has a show destroyed me so much emotionally. And it pains me every day that more people have not seen this show, though its understandable bc its so hard to watch for international fans (god bless dramacool). I highly HIGHLY recommend everyone try to get their hands on this show.

[gellavonhamster]

monthly media recap: july 2023

read:

Half a Soul by Olivia Atwater - a very sweet and kind Regency fantasy romance. One of the reviews on the cover calls it "the definition of a comfort read", and I couldn't agree more. Since this is Tumblr, I feel like I need to add preemptively that maybe don't judge the way the fairy curse in the novel is written (that is, in a way that resembles and, imo, should be read as neurodivergence) before you've learned how it ends

Angélique: The Road to Versailles, Angélique and the King, Angélique and the Sultan, Angélique in Revolt, Angélique in Love, The Countess Angélique, The Temptation of Angélique by Anne Golon - books 2-8 in the Angélique series of historical fiction novels that... didn't age quite well, in my opinion, I'd say a 20th century author could do better even with the caveat that the 17th century people are not by any means supposed to act like modern people. But the plot is so gripping that I can't put these books down, and then there's also this motif of people helping each other even in the bleakest circumstances running through the entire story that makes it worth the occasional cringe for me. However, my cringe level is built on a lot of classic novels that are very much Product of Their Time so idk if I'd recommend these books to anyone. I am having a lot of fun with them, though

I guess it doesn't really count as a book, but it made me spend some time with the French dictionary to read the comics, so - I ordered one of these Three Musketeers zines, the Cavalier Jaune one, and it's a gem (and clearly made with such love for these books) and I'm really glad I got it <3

+ currently reading the next Angélique book

watched:

Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) - very cool and creative and heartfelt, loved it!

Д'Артаньян и три мушкетёра / D'Artagnan and Three Musketeers (1978), ��ушкетёры двадцать лет спустя / Musketeers Twenty Years After (1992), Тайна королевы Анны, или Мушкетёры тридцать лет спустя / The Secret of Queen Anne or Musketeers Thirty Years After (1993) - finally watched all three of these adaptations of the d'Artagnan romances, I've only seen the first one before in bits and pieces. The first one is delightful and has so much funny stuff I totally forgot about, such as Constance biting her assailants and Rochefort & Milady singing to Richelieu an offensive song the people of Paris wrote about him. The second one is mostly fine, even despite the ridiculously clumsy attempts to retcon the book stuff that wasn't in the first movie (yeah, right, d'Artagnan sacrificed the ring that the queen gave him to try to save Buckingham, and Lord Winter has met the Musketeers before, this was totally included in part one). I didn't like the changed ending, though - I think it's important that it is Athos who kills Mordaunt, what with the possibility of Mordaunt being his son. The third part might be the stupidest attempt at an everybody lives!AU ever, but it gets like 2/5 points for the cast and the okay-ish first episode

Strange Days (1995) - cyberpunk noir, very cool, Angela Bassett as Mace is amazing

Vai viegli būt jaunam? / Is It Easy to Be Young? (1986) - the famous Latvian documentary about the life of Soviet youth, addressing topics from the punk subculture to the war in Afghanistan. A very interesting reflection of a generation; I think some parts are gonna haunt me

Stand by Me (1986) - summer, childhood in all its cruelty, and friendship that changes you forever. I might or might not have cried

Attack the Block (2011) - really enjoyed this one. Good social commentary? In my sci-fi comedy horror about an alien invasion? It's more likely than you think

L'Apollonide: Souvenirs de la maison close (2011) - beautiful and tragic. One of those films that feel like nothing really happens when in truth a lot happens. Also, women are my favourite guy (c)

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

C, K, and M for the ask game

(fandom ask game)

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Can I say 90% of ships in fandom…? No? I usually only ship characters is when they've interwined their lives together, are kinda funny to make 👀 jokes about, or make for an entertaining trainwreck to watch.

The only thing that really comes to mind is like. The Obligatory Straight ships in kids' media. Most of the M/F canon ships in My Little Pony. Henry and Ellie when the THSC fandom was far more filled with kids. Literally everything the Ninjago writers have ever done.

I'm arospec and lean towards being gay otherwise, and I frankly do not care for how widespread some of these become despite having absolutely nothing to them. If you're going to be boring, at least be gay about it. And if you're going to be straight, at least be interesting about it.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Oh, easy. Pretty much anybody from the virtual pet MMOs I played in the day. Aunt Arctic, Dot, Arte Fact, my Webkinz… the list goes on. That was how I survived primary school, actually. I like a lot of characters that are fun and nice from the fiction I read. Rarity. Garmadon. I'll stop before this gets long.

Does it count if I say the OCs I have in my head currently that I've never mentioned out loud? The two OCs that I have in my head currently that I've never said out loud. The maths-muse Webkinz and the physics goose. Also the cringe-ass 50 year old Asian trans statistician from that universe.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Huh. Questions that make me realise I don't actually read books for development arcs all that often. And that my favourite arcs aren't necessarily always the most deeply written.

Also. Questions that I did not think would have as long of an answer as they did, but apparently I haven't properly analysed Bojack Horseman and Dorian Gray yet, so:

Edgeworth was the first guy to come to mind for 'best', and I've already explained why, so I won't repeat myself again. Instead I'll point you towards Diane Nguyen from Bojack Horseman. The show is 6 seasons long, so my comments don't even begin to cover all the nuances of her character, but regardless she's one of the best characters I've seen on TV for a while. You can really tell from just this one character that the writers have really had time to reflect on the subject of feminism and trauma.

Side note: Tuca and Bertie does this too (and is a more fun show to boot), but I've yet to get to the relevant episodes and hence don't want to write about them yet.

While the series is named for Bojack, I'd argue Diane's equally important in its narrative. The story begins with her coming into his life, and ends with their last meeting years afterwards. Diane's an incredibly empathetic character with a strong sense of justice - if you were watching the series back then, you probably knew this from the fact some charming people hated her for her openly feminist beliefs - but this extends to every aspect of her life, including how she keeps hanging around the endlessly destructive Bojack Horseman.

Throughout the course of the show, you get to see the writers slowly unpack the cause of that attitude and what it entails. She has to face the horrifying misogyny rooted in all sides of entertainment and finds out that simply showing people the truth isn't an instant solution; she goes to a war-torn nation to try to help and has to realise that the selfish billionaire there can do more with his selfish attitude than her caring one; she has to unpack the fact that her own suffering won't make her a better person (that last one also got applied to her being a writer specifically which. hit me hard).

But eventually, she just has to come to terms with life being comfortable, and not having to stick around to fix things (and people). She gets medicated, leaves LA behind, and finds a family that's not perfect, but supports her. It's slow and it's heartwrenching, but you get to see her slowly move out of hell as she grows up and makes a better life for herself.

Now, my favourite is a tossup between Jester from Dicey Dungeons and Dorian Gray from… well. Dorian Gray, for completely diametric reasons.

Jester's not as deep as any of the other characters here, but their story of rebelling and escaping is inspiring. Dicey Dungeons first hit me in a time of my life where I was trying my best to hold onto the past as much as I could, even though it was making me unhappy. Seeing a (non-white, nonbinary) character from a game I wasn't expecting to enjoy at all risk their current situation for the outside world and the promise of friendship and something better was…

I'm not going to pretend that eased my worries or helped me at the time, but in retrospect it's a really nice touch. It's hilarious when they return and immediately get a restraining order and better boundaries with Lady Luck. I think it's thematically appropriate how none of the dice don't really ever get one over on the personification of fate all that, but they can still live a good life and annoy her, even if just slightly, by doing so. Witch also kinda does but she's not got nearly as much character so

I have semi-strong, petty opinions on Reunion's character writing actually I just remembered

And while Dorian Gray isn't really in the spirit of what fandom means when it says character development, I'm putting him here anyways because he's still very well written. The book is a gripping look at how self-centredness and privilege can so thoroughly twist a person's development for the worse.

I don't believe that was fully the original intent (there's a lot of poorly aged, pseudo-scientific messages the book sends), but it still manages to come out as really the only conclusion to what that sort of rich brat in real life becomes.

Even though Dorian starts out pretty passive and charming, from the very beginning of the book, it's reinforced that he always has the capacity to be selfish and uncaring. His artist friend Basil states that he feels like he's given his whole soul to someone who treats it if it were a flower in his pocket. And it's fascinating to see that even when the plot progresses to him doing worse things - like sentencing his fiancée to (social) suicide because she did one bad stage performance for 3 hours - he keeps this perception of himself.

His actions develop in the worst possible way, while his self-perception does not. It's horrifying to think about as you see him become increasingly content with driving others to suicide, and eventually murdering one of his closest friends for the crime of being horrified at his soul jar and asking him to reconsider his actions.

And the best thing is: Dorian remarks near the end of the book that Lord Wotton (his other main friend) poisoned him with hedonistic monologues and weird conservative tangents. But the thing is, Henry Wotton is otherwise just a normal guy. He's a Tory that puffs up his chest a lot, sure, but he hasn't actually done anything. There's even a bit where Henry remarks he wishes he knew a real murderer, and Dorian nearly faints because he's just killed someone.

The decision to become that person was all Dorian. He spends the entire book choosing to get worse at every opportunity, and suffering the delayed consequences of it. It's very intriguing to see.

[dereklycangivesemotionaldamage]

This entire character profile is gonna be cringe cause I made it a month ago. Please do not make fun of it[unless we're friends lol]

This is for a fanfiction I'm working on, it is no way canon and it also is not a rewrite.

Full Name: Derek C Lycan

Age: 56.

Clothes: Formal.

Role: Main Character\Villain.

Hair: Medium Length, curly, and raven haired.

Eyes: Red most of the time but not red like his ultima eyes.

Personality: Aggressive, Intelligent, Condescending, Cruel, Rude, Mocking, Nurturing at times, Violent, And somehow Reasonable at times.

Motivation: To fulfill Michael's take over plan, of course. It's what Rachel and his father would've wanted.

Weapon Of choice: Knife.

Skin Tone: Olivey, Asian.

Teeth: Somehow completely white still.

Sleep Schedule: Michael never lets him sleep.

Offspring: Melissa and Aaron Lycan. [Also Ein but we don't talk about that-]

Height: 5'5.

Weight: Underweight.

Favorite Food: Pancakes.

Favorite Drink: Very sugared coffee.

Least Favorite Food: Chocolate[due to it literally making him vomit-]

Least Favorite Drink: Normal Black Coffee[Not enough flavor.]

Sex: Male most of the time.

Gender: Genderfluid [cause I said so]

Facial Features: Circle Glasses, eye bags due to the lack of sleep, and a lot of slap marks due to Michael.

Body Muscle: He's like, in between skinny and muscular.

Past Relationships: Liam, Garte, Zack, Michael, and Rachel[Deceased].

Murder Count: 29 in the whole book.

Family: Nicholas Lycan[Deceased], Evelyn Lycan[Deceased], Saria Lycan[Half-sister], and Davidson Lycan[Brother].

Grandchildren: Alina Evelyn Lycan, Ava Lycan, and Diane Ashida[Yeah so Nanalissa-]

Enemies: Anyone against Michael.

Current Relationship: Michael Valkrum[Forceful].

Past Friends: Garte Ro'Meave, Zackary Shalashaska, Zianna Ro'Meave, Liam Denvern[Deceased], Akito Ashida, Sylvana Dima, and Terrance Valkrum.

Current Friends: Only Michael.

Preferred Pet: Husky.

Nationality: Asian American\French.

Little Things:

The first person he killed was Garte's granddaughter, Rosey. Which was Garroth and Laurance's. He got Garte and Zianna to get possessed by the forever potion to kill her though. She only died because Michael thought she would make a good relic, but she wouldn't have. She was literally seven.

The only person he was looking for that while time of murders was Aaron, somehow Aaron was all he needed. Michael needed him for power and control, but Derek wanted him away from Aphmau. That's all he wanted.

Derek somehow lured Aaron to come with him to Michael by being nurturing and caring as fuck, Aaron could only hear him so he didn't know if it was genuine or not. It worked too.

Derek is actually on a potion that makes him more aggressive yet nurturing, it also makes him obedient to the person who used the potion on him in the first place. So obviously he'd be obedient to Michael when his entire personality changed.

Michael used Rachel's memory from Derek's head to force him to drink the potion, it didn't work at all so he had to force him to drink it himself only after he turned him back to a human.

Derek keeps calling Garte his little pet ever since he forced him to drink a forever potion, he wasn't loyal to Michael he was loyal to Derek now. Because Derek gave him the potion.

Derek wanted to use a potion on Zack but Michael insisted on torturing him without it so he'd learn not to mess up his plans again, so he listened to Michael. That broke Zack's wrist a lot, he literally was not able to use it again. But he did end up going back to being loyal to Michael.

[inactive-luv]

Normal

normal

normal

TW: depression, gender dun dUN DUN

word count: 2216

a/n: i’ve got a lot more gender neutral Spencer Reid fics loading :P

(Spencer's POV)

On a normal day, I would set my alarm for five in the morning and wake up slowly. I'd pour a cup of coffee and make myself some toast. I take a shower and brush my teeth and maybe listen to an audiobook on my way to work. I got this recommendation from Garcia, Ready Player One. I listened to the narrator's voice at a pace 'normal' people would read.

A part of me always felt self-conscious about myself, how I was different compared to everyone else. My mom called me special but that just made things worse. Special still sounds like there was something wrong with me. And that was just my I.Q, later on, I constantly got made fun of for the way I dressed, how I wasn't 'normal' enough. Never 'masculine' enough.

I haven't had a normal day in months. I started to wake up naturally around three am, if I ever slept. My thoughts kept me awake, thinking about the insults and taunts I got. I lay in bed most days. I told Hotch I was sick and stayed in a comatose state for most of the day. I would stare at the ceiling and wonder about myself.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't eat, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't use the bathroom. The thought of having to stand up in front of the toilet. Washing my hands in a men's restroom, everything just made me sick. I hadn't gone to work in a week. It sounds odd but I didn't feel safe there. Work used to be where I could concentrate and use my abilities to my advantage, I watched and analyzed people's emotions for a living but now, it became so hard to think about myself.

I felt exposed in the workplace, at home I felt more comfortable using my own bathroom and I could wear my own clothes. I felt like someone else in the bullpen, someone different. Having to hear my name makes me feel imaginary. I didn't feel real in my body.

Getting out of bed this morning exhausted me. I dragged my feet across the wood and looked down at my sweater. The temperature in my house was always hot, something with the thermostat, but I couldn't stand looking at my own skin. I wore a thick sweater and a robe on top of it, long pajama pants and big socks. I knew I had to take off these clothes if I wanted to go to work today. I really did, I missed my friends, I missed having to do something.

Having a purpose meant a lot to me. I lost sight of what I was meant to do with my life, I would just mope around my apartment without doing anything and I still felt exhausted. I hated being here, I needed to do something. I couldn't just stay here for the rest of my life. I so desperately wanted my normal life again, but I couldn't even think about stepping outside my house.

I hate thinking about having to do normal things. I hated using public restrooms and wearing my normal clothes. Life becomes meaningless if you can't even look at yourself in the mirror.

A while back I put towels over all of my mirrors, this morning I lifted the one in my bedroom. I looked at myself for the first time in a long time. I looked at my eyes, the bags underneath them screamed tired and disgusting. My whole face looked blue and purple. I saw the veins in my neck, and when I touched them I winced.

Taking a deep breath, I started to remove the robe in front of me. I watched the fabric fall to the floor when I felt the ends of my sweater. A burst of energy filled my gut and flooded through my veins, causing me to haphazardly lift the shirt fully over my head and shimmied my pants off. I felt angry. Angry at myself for not being able to do the easiest things. And sad watching my body shake and my skin crawl.

I forced myself to stare at my chest. I stared long and hard at the flat shape and bare skin. I started to run my hand over my abdomen and I could feel my ribs protrude out of my skin. Tears started to fill my eyes when I glazed over my underwear. I could see the outline of my legs and the thought of what was between them made me sick. I felt like throwing up.

I rushed to the bathroom and clutched at the sides of the toilet. I quickly thought about all of the germs and bacteria and immediately lunged away from the seat. I washed my hands five or six times until my skin curled underneath the stream. I splashed the water on my face and began to sob. I ran my hands over my face and my eyes tinged from the tears.

When my hands roamed their way back to my chest I fell to the floor in a mixture of emotions. I felt depressed, gross, I felt cheated in my own flesh and blood. I felt contained to the bottom of my bathroom sink. The tears relaxed and I started to slowly lift myself off of the cold tile.

I wobbled back to my bedroom and tried to open my drawers. I reached for a dotted shirt and slowly buttoned the clothes on myself. With each button, I sniffed and let out a heavy sigh. I wanted to change my underwear but every time I slid my fingers past the waistband I cringed. I couldn't bring myself to look past my abdomen.

I just tried to pull on a pair of work pants without my eyes and slide a brown belt through the loops. I stared at myself in the dresser mirror and reached for another layer to put on over my body, a brown cardigan. I wanted to smile. I tried to force the corners of my lips to move upward but they only drooped a little lower. I swallowed my tongue and went to get my coat.

...

I walked into the lobby and saw people walking throughout the halls, I felt so out of place. I slowly slumped up to the elevator and pressed the button. It was halfway through the workday, a little after lunch. It was raining so hard outside I could hear it through the elevator walls, I heard the pat pat pat just outside the floors and I started to feel thirsty. I hadn't drunk much water in public because I didn't want to have to use a public bathroom. It wasn't a problem until one day I had to be sent to the emergency room.

I got nervous as the elevator doors began to open. I lifted my head and was relieved not to meet anyone as I stepped out. A sore feeling manifesting itself in my throat. I look up to see everyone in the conference room. I barely catch Rossi's eye when I start to walk up to the bullpen. Soon I can feel everyone's eyes on my back when I rest my bag on the edge of my seat.

J.J. walks out of the room to wave me over. I watch her walk back into the room, I look at her heels and her pretty blouse. I think back to what I'm wearing and feel gross. Why do I keep stressing about these sorts of things? Morgan doesn't worry about how he's dressed. Hotch doesn't care about shoes or what he has to wear. Rossi was the one who probably cared the most and even he didn't notice the things I do.

I rush up the stairs noticing how everyone is waiting on me. My pace slows down as I get closer and closer to the threshold of the conference room. "Hey, pretty boy's here!" I clench my jaw at the sound of that nickname. My stomach turns inside out and I think about just running out of the room and heading back home, or anywhere but here. "Why don't you sit down we were just starting." Garcia tries to talk to me in her sweet voice. I missed her so much, I missed everyone.

"No thank you," I whisper. I hadn't spoken words out loud in a long time. I don't talk to myself and I hadn't seen anyone else in days. I clear my throat gaining a sliver of strength from the anger in my gut. "No thank you I," I start stronger before pausing mournfully again, "I think I need to say a few things before I come back, officially. C- can you all please sit down." I choke in my breath and all of their faces turn worried when they look at me.

"Uhm, I know I haven't been here in a while but uhm," I turn my head to the floor, "I want to be able to come back, I do, and I uh," It gets really hard to talk without tearing up. I swallow hard when J.J tries to pat my arm, I don't mean to but I flinch and try to push her hand away. "I can't come back until," I'm afraid I'll start hyperventilating, "God I'm sorry." I move my hands up to my face and wipe away a few tears before swallowing and whispering again. "I can't come back until I figure out what's wrong with me."

"Kid there's nothing wrong with you-" "Yes there is! I- I- I can't sleep! I can't get dressed by myself! I can't even use the bathroom without feeling sick!" The words pool out of my mouth in a harsh tone and J.J. steps back when I flail my arms, "I can't look at myself in the mirror," Tears stream down my cheek when I turn my face around the room. "I need things to be different around here." Even Hotch's expression turns saddened and weak.

"I-" I choke and wipe my eyes with my sleeve. " I hate the name 'pretty boy'." I try to turn my eyes from Derek who's leaned over to see my expression, "I hate being referred to as 'Sir' or 'Mr.'" I bite my quivering top lip and draw my eyes back to the floor. "I hate hearing," I pause and clear my throat again thinking it would help stop my cracking voice, "he did this or it was him who," I sniff looking at Garcia whose eyes are also filled with tears.

"I'm not comfortable," I whisper and Emily gapes her mouth as if to say something then closes it rubbing her nose instead. "I haven't been comfortable for a long time. I don't know what I am anymore." The word 'what' sticks in the air for a minute before J.J. tries to pat my arm again and I let her. She eases in to hold me and I shut my eyes to stop sobbing.

"I- I- need," I start before shaking my head, "I'd like people to treat me differently." I furrow my brow thinking what to say next, "I looked online," I wipe my face again trying to slide J.J away from me, "and all the labels really scared me but uhm," I pause again "I think I'd like to try something I've been pushing down for a while." Rossi nods his head.

I feel awkward standing in front of all of these people, my friends. Years ago I could trust them with my life but now I felt so exposed and broken. I was scared of how they were going to react, I felt like screaming in my stance and running out of the room crying. I muttered out the first words before shaking my head and trying again. "I think," I clear my throat again, "I want to try different," I look at the group, averting my eyes off the floor while the edges of my lips curl into a saddened smile, before whispering the last word, "Pronouns."

I see Emily mutter a small "Oh," and Morgan's face turns confused. I slump into a hunched position and continue to cry softly when people start nodding their heads looking up at me. "Well," Hotch starts and people start to look at him. "I think that what you're asking for is," He pauses looking to the group then back at me.

"Perfectly reasonable and we will do or call you whatever you want" They all nod and mutter incoherent words. "Yes, yes of course we can." Garcia stammers wiping tears from her eyes looking at me from across the room. "What, uhm what would you like?" She asks rubbing her hands together, "To, you know," she shakes her hands before wiping more tears from her face.

I smile for the first time in weeks. It's not a toothy smile or a cheek to cheek grin but, it makes me feel safe knowing I can still do the things I used to. Come into work and smile. I catch my sighs and draw in a deep breath before looking at Garcia, "They/them." And the rest of the team smiles too.

...

[zackmartin]

hii jaksjdkd @\deweyducks is my children's media sideblog but this is my main so i'll send my ask from here but like...god that's so weird??? i haven't gotten to that episode yet (i'm on international dateline and cringing) but. barbara and cody were so sweet (and!!! a good interracial couple!!! that's important actually!!! why the hell would they make them cheat on each other when it has been established that doing so would be horrifically out of character for both of them) if they really wanted to put him with bailey the whole guy waits for girl after she repeatedly says no trope was not the way to go. at all (and yeah!!!!!! zack and bailey could have been something actually but i want to see where things go with him and maya once she shows up) and i actually would love to read your essay :)

I’m sorry, I will turn anon back on soon 😅 (and I get it, this used to be a sideblog until I accidentally deleted and then I decided to just make two mains instead but).

(For real! Like, yeah they were super important and good!!!! but if you had to have them break up, Barbara was going to stay in Boston and Cody’s on a cruise where he’s going to be a literal continent away at any given time. They really could’ve just done something as simple as letting them have an amicable breakup because the distance was too much instead of decimating both of their characters like that)

Anyway, I love Maya and Zack a lot, for the most part, they’re cute and I adore Zoey Deutch and Zack’s good with her so my love for what Zack and Bailey could’ve been isn’t really an either/or thing, I like both ships but just,,,

Putting Cody’s terrible characterization and treatment of Bailey aside for a moment, they pretty much made Bailey and Cody almost exactly alike. There are some differences, but they’re kinda few and far between. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, you have to have some things in common with your S/O in order for it to work, but in the case of Zack/Bailey I really believe they could've been the good kind of opposites attract. Like, it could’ve turned into a situation where their differences turned into making each other better.

Like, in the case of Zack, we’ve seen in the original that he can actually do well in school (like when he went to summer school and was able to analyze Shakespeare fairly easily), he just needs a reason to really apply himself. And I mean, we know he would definitely do it to impress a girl alsdkfj (technically we saw that in the original too, when he told Maddie he got an 85 on his vocab quiz and he revealed that he tried to do well because she said she likes smart guys). Ofc, it’d be ideal if he was doing it for himself, but him actually trying in school, even if it starts as him just trying to impress Bailey, is not going to really hurt him in the end alsdjkf On top of that, I’m not sure if it’s canon or if I’m just HC’ing this, but I’m positive Cody has probably tried over the years to help him in subjects that don’t come so easily, but I know Zack, and whether we’re talking the og version or On Deck, I know neither of them would listen nor pay attention if Cody’s the one trying to teach him alsdjf He’d be way more apt to listen to Bailey, and I know she’d be willing to tutor him. And I know Bailey would celebrate his accomplishments, even if it’s as small as getting a C on a geometry quiz or something, and I feel like having someone like that, someone that shows him they’re proud of him and isn't constantly comparing his grade to Cody’s, could be enough to make him want to keep trying. (even if he isn’t always operating at 100%).

And on Bailey’s side; I totally respect the fact that she finds enjoyment in school-related things, and she definitely doesn’t have to have fun a certain way in order for it to “count” but. I feel like filling your day with only school/educational-related activities with no space in-between to breathe can so quickly lead to burn-out (especially if she goes to an ivy league, and you add that in with her going from being top of her class to being in a space where everyone was top of their class. But, again I’m getting off track). And, finding mindless, fun things to do in order to blow off steam is Zack’s exact area of expertise. (Like, I’m gonna be vague so I don’t spoil anything, but there’s legit an episode of On Deck where he teaches someone to relax and not make one thing your whole life). And I know this is adult me projecting cause she wishes teenage me wasn’t so serious, but Zack convincing Bailey to stay out an hour past curfew or skip one class wouldn’t kill her asldfjk Like, she might be upset in the moment if they get detention or something but you get out of high school and look back and you realize it literally Didn’t Matter. (i’m not being a great influence here, please don’t listen to me lklsjkdf)

Like, long story short, I just think that Bailey could teach Zack how to take things like his education and his future a bit more seriously, but Zack could show Bailey that you don’t have to take everything seriously all the time

And while we're on the subject; i know he was partially willing to keep Bailey's secret in the first episode because he wanted to room with a girl, but even after everything was revealed and Tuttweiller and Moseby were saying they had no choice but to send her home, Zack stuck up for her! He listened to her when she talked about why she wanted to go to seven seas high and how she wanted to see the world and he didn't do it for the sole purpose of using that information later in order to "win" her 🙃 He genuinely just wanted her to be able to live out her dream, and he did what little he could in order to make sure she got to keep living that dream.

[cocastyle]

Change - Ch. 1 | T W E L V E

Pairing - Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 4,288

A/N - ahhh the last chapter of the first half of this series 🙊🥺 writing the rewrite for the first It movie was so much fun and I absolutely cannot wait for the next movie as well! I plan on posting the prologue for the next half of this series soon, maybe tonight or tomrorow? please continue to leave feedback and leave any predictions that you might have for the upcoming movie rewrite :)) I hope you all enjoy!

if you would like to be added to the tag list for this series let me know!

C H A N G E

Change Series Masterlist

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T W E L V E - A Promise

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September

"I can only remember parts," Beverly said, her eyes flickering over her friends who were all currently sitting together in a circle near the river.

It was a week after the incident and everyone was finally on the mend. Stan's face and Y/N's chest were bandaged and each of the kids had scab marks and bruises that were beginning to heal. The only thing that hadn't healed yet were their minds and no matter how many times they tried to forget about the events that had taken place in the Well House, they just couldn't shake it off.

That's why Bill had decided it was best for the group to sit down and talk about what had happened which is how they ended up where they were today. The talk was hard for them, but they finally managed to get through it until they ended up with Beverly who was now explaining her time trapped in the dead lights as the group had come to call it.

"But, I thought I was dead. That's what it felt like," Beverly whispered, letting out a shaky breath while her friends all gazed at her. "I saw us, all of us together back in the cistern, but we were older, like, our parents' ages. And there was this young boy-“

Beverly fell quiet and she hesitated before letting her eyes flicker over to Y/N who sat in between Bill and Stan. It almost looked as if she was beginning to realize something, but the red head was quick to shake her head and look away.

“Am I still handsome as an adult?” Richie questioned, putting his hands under his chin and forcing a smile.

“Still? That would have to imply you are handsome now,” Y/N teased earning a round of chuckles from the group while Richie turned his attention to the girl.

“No need to hide that you find me utterly attractive, darling,” Richie smirked. “I already know you’re helplessly in love with me.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and went to respond, but Beverly was quick to stop the two as she said, “You grow into your looks.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Richie chuckled while the others couldn’t help but smile.

“What about me?” Stan questioned, his eyes hopeful as he looked to the red head.

Beverly hesitated for a moment and Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, but the red head was quick to act as if nothing had happened as she gave the boy a soft smile, “Like now, but taller.”

"Wh-Wh-What were we all doing there?" Bill questioned.

Beverly was quiet for a moment and she shook her head slightly as she tried to remember, but it felt like the harder she tried to grasp for the memory the further away it got. "I just remember how we felt. How scared we were. I don't think I can ever forget that," she muttered.

Y/N looked away at that, a sickening feeling washing over her once again as she glanced at her cousin. Stan's eyes locked with hers and he gave her a nervous look to which the girl responded with by reaching out and linking her arm with his. Stan instantly relaxed at the touch and leaned into his cousin more.

There was no need to worry right now. What Beverly saw wasn't for sure and even if it was, they would have twenty seven years to figure out a plan before It could reappear.

Bill glanced at his friends, taking in all of their nervous demeanors before he caught sight of a shard of glass on the ground. He took in a shaky breath before standing up and bending down to pick the glass up. Everyone's eyes flickered over to the boy and he gave them all a serious look as he said, "Swear it."

Y/N blinked in surprise and confusion as she looked to Bill and he momentarily glanced at her before gulping and gripping onto the glass shard harder. "S-S-Swear if It isn't dead, if It ever comes back, we'll come back, too," Bill told them.

Everyone froze, Bill's words ringing in their heads and the idea of It returning finally registering for all of them. It was scary to think about, but they all knew Bill was right. If It did come back, they had to be together. That was how they managed to defeat It now and it would be the only reason they would be able to defeat It in the future.

Y/N let out a shaky breath as she let go of Stan's arm and stood up, her actions making everyone look over to her. Her eyes locked with Bill's green ones and she gave him a small smile and a nod.

For a moment Bill flashed back to when he had been about to go into the Well House for the first time. How Y/N had stumbled up the stairs with her scratched calf before gripping onto Bill's arms tightly and whispering a set of words that he could practically hear whispering in his ears right now.

I'm with you.

Bill gave the girl a small nod in return before looking back at his friends, watching as they all glanced at one another before slowly beginning to rise and join the two. Once everyone was up, Bill looked down to his left hand and held the glass shard against his palm. He didn't even hesitate before pressing the shard into his skin and cutting a long line across his palm with a wince.

Bill stared at his hand for a moment, watching as the blood began to pool in his palm as he committed fully to his promise to return. The boy looked up and moved over to Richie who stood beside him, taking the boy's left hand and cutting into it. Richie cringed from the pain and began to shake his hand with a hiss as Bill began to move along the circle.

Eddie was next and had to look away as Bill cut his skin wincing at the pain that came with it. He didn't turn back around until Bill had moved onto Mike who let out a soft groan of pain and quickly grabbed onto his wrist.

Bill moved onto Ben who let out a quick grunt in pain as Bill cut his palm before moving onto Beverly who winced momentarily but acted as if nothing had happened while the other boys continued to wince and stare at their hands.

Stan was next and Bill and him locked eyes momentarily before Stan held his shaky hand out to the boy. Bill let his gaze flicker down to Stan's hand before he gently took it. The curly haired boy closed his eyes as tight as he could and gritted his teeth in pain as Bill cut his hand and only opened his eyes once he felt the pressure of the glass and Bill's touch disappear.

Bill took a step away from Stan before letting his gaze fall upon the last person of the group. He hesitantly took a step forward until he was standing right in front of Y/N. The two stood there in silence, their breaths mingling together as they stared at each other.

Bill probably wouldn't have moved if it hadn't been for Y/N slowly moving her hand up and holding it out for the boy. Bill inhaled sharply before reaching out and lighting taking ahold of her hand, his own hand gently holding onto her wrist before he lowered the glass to the skin of her palm.

Much like the others, Y/N let out a small hiss of pain, but she didn't flinch as Bill drug the glass across her palm. Once he was down, his eyes quickly flickered up to lock with her own and he seemed to be questioning her.

But then she was giving him that Y/N Uris smile of his and Bill felt his stomach do a flip at the sight. She was beautiful that was for sure and in that moment Bill added a small part to his promise. He promised then and there that no matter what happened or where they ended up, he was always going to protect the girl in front of him just as he would always love her.

It felt like an eternity went by as Bill stared at the girl, but it was merely a microsecond before he had moved to stand back in his spot between Y/N and Richie in the circle.

Bill glanced over at the girl beside him and held out his right hand, his eyes never leaving her face as he did. Y/N's gaze flickered from his hand to his eyes before she softly smiled and took his hand in hers, the cut on her hand being pressed between their hands as her blood sealed them together.

Y/N looked to her right and at Stan before holding a hand out to her curly haired best friend. The boy stared at her for a moment before reaching out and locking her hand with his.

Stan then turned to Beverly who also took his hand before the group slowly begin to move down the line. Next came Ben, then Mike, then Eddie, until finally it was only Richie and Bill who had to lock hands.

As soon as Richie and Bill's hands came together, bringing the circle to a close, the group all felt a small change within themselves. They all looked at each other, no one speaking any words as they let their blood bind them together.

Their blood dripped down from each hold and onto the ground below, but no one seemed to care. The Losers all just embraced the moment, knowing that no matter what happened to them they would always have this moment together.

This moment where the Losers' Club was bonded together forever.

Y/N thought back to everything that had happened that summer, everything that had led up to this moment right here. It was definitely not a summer she had been expecting, but she would do it all again, clown and all, just because of the simple fact that it had given her the people standing in this circle with her today.

It had brought her closer to her cousin. It had strengthened her friendships with Richie, Eddie, and Bill. It had given her Beverly and Ben and Mike.

It had given her the Losers' Club.

Y/N knew then and there she wouldn't have traded any of it for the world. These people were her best friends, the only friends she had ever had and she would be forever thankful for the summer of 1989 for it had been one of the best and worst summers of her life.

Seconds passed by before the Losers all let go of each other's hands simultaneously. Each of them stood in the circle for a moment, letting their eyes flicker over each other as they realized this would be the last time they were all together.

Beverly was leaving in the morning and Y/N only a few hours after that. They weren't sure when the Losers' Club would be together again, so this moment meant more to them than any of them would let on.

"I gotta go," Stan finally said causing everyone to look at him. Stan let his eyes flicker over the group before he said, "I hate you." Bill looked down at that, slightly stung by those words, but Stan broke into a smile that indicated to the group he was only joking.

Ben was the first to react with a grin before Eddie began chuckling. Before they knew it, the whole group was laughing softly as smiles dawned their faces. Stan looked to Bill and gave him a small nod and a smile to let him know everything was okay, a gesture that meant more to Bill than Stan would ever know.

"I'll see you later," Stan said as he looked at his friends. His eyes flickered over to his cousin and Y/N subtly glanced at Bill before looking back at Stan. Stan took the hint and gave her a small smile in understanding before saying, "Y/N, I'll meet you back at home."

"Bye, Stanley," Y/N said, her eyes silently thanking the boy who just continued to smile at her before he turned to leave.

"Bye, Stan," Bill called out as the boy walked away and Y/N didn't bother turning to watch her cousin, knowing that he was waving at the group. Instead her eyes has flickered over to Eddie who had turned and was hugging Richie.

Richie patted the boy on the back and hugged him back before Eddie pulled away and looked over at Y/N. She gave him a small smile and Eddie was quick to go over and hug her as well, his arms wrapping around her as he made sure not to get blood on her clothes. Y/N hugged the boy back as Eddie whispered, "I'll be there tomorrow to say goodbye to you, okay?”

The two pulled away and Y/N gave the boy a small nod before he began to back away. "Bye, guys," he said before leaving.

Mike went next and him and Y/N shared a small smile before he began to walk away. "Bye, Mike," the remaining Losers said.

Mike couldn't help but grin as he looked to his friends. "See you later, losers," he whispered happily before walking away.

Next came Richie who wrapped an arm around Y/N's shoulders in a small hug as he said, "I'll be there to help send you off tomorrow. Don't miss me too much, sweetheart."

"I'll try my hardest," Y/N sighed dramatically while Richie stared at the girl fondly. The two smiled softly at each other before they shared one last fist bump as the boy went to walk away.

"See you, Rich," Bill said and the boy gave Bill a small smile before disappearing within the tall grass as he left.

It was a little while later before Ben and Beverly went to leave, the four having sat down on the logs that the whole group had occupied not too long ago. "See you guys later," Ben said as he waved goodbye to the two before backing away to allow Beverly to say goodbye.

The red head gave Bill a hug before turning and stopping in front of Y/N. The two girls knew this would be the last time they saw each other for who knows how long and both began to tear up at the realization that this was it.

Beverly quickly wrapped her arms around Y/N's neck, hugging the girl tightly as she struggled to hold back her tears. Y/N was the same way and held onto Beverly just as tight.

Neither of them had ever had a girl best friend before, so the fact that they were having to split up after only having a summer together broke both of their hearts. They couldn't help the tears that began to fall as they pulled away, but both let small smiles cross their faces as they let out shaky breaths.

"Bye, Bev," Y/N whispered, a part of her hoping that Beverly's vision would be true just so that she could see the red head again.

"Bye, Y/N," Beverly whispered back before she pulled away and glanced at Bill. "Bye, Bill." The boy nodded a goodbye at her and Beverly gave the two a small smile before turning and going to join Ben who was still waiting for the girl.

Y/N sat back down and wiped away her tears as she watched Ben and Beverly walk away together, a small smile appearing on her face as she watched Ben slip his hand into Beverly's before they disappeared from view.

With those two gone, Y/N and Bill became the only ones left as they sat next to each other on one of the logs. The two sat in silence as Y/N leaned her cheek against Bill's shoulder, the boy resting his head on top of hers as their interlocked hands laid on top of his knee.

Bill was silent as he rubbed a thumb over the soft skin on top of Y/N's hand before he finally let out a shaky breath and asked the question he was dreading to hear the answer to, "When. . .When are you leaving tomorrow?"

Y/N sighed and nestled closer to Bill as she stared at their hands. "The morning," she whispered while Bill inhaled sharply beside her.

There was another silence before Bill asked, "How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know," Y/N admitted, a hint of sadness in her voice. "I talked to my mother on the phone and she didn't sound too enthusiastic about letting me come back soon, but maybe next summer?"

The girl moved her head so that her chin was resting on the very edge of Bill's shoulder, allowing the boy to look at her with their faces so close that their noses brushed together. Both of them would've blushed at how close they were if it weren't for the heavy topic they were talking about.

"Hopefully next summer anyways," Y/N told him, her eyes flickering over the boy's face as if she were trying to memorize every little detail. Which maybe she was because Bill knew he sure as hell was doing that especially since there was a good chance he wouldn't see Y/N for a long time after she left.

The idea of her leaving was enough to make his heart ache, not wanting the girl to be that far from him. He could barely handle her being a few feet away. How was he supposed to handle her living in another state and being away from him for who knows how long?

"Did you mean what you said?" Bill suddenly blurted out, wanting nothing more than to know if what Y/N had said at the Well House was true and if there was even a possibility that she returned his feelings.

Y/N sat up at that, but still leaned against him as she gave him a confused look and questioned, "What?"

"At the Well House," Bill explained. "You said that you couldn't live a happy life if-" He stopped almost instantly and his eyes flickered to the ground while Y/N stared at him for a moment before a soft smile appeared on her face.

"If you weren't in it?" she whispered and Bill hesitated before allowing his eyes to flicker back up to her, nodding softly. "Yes, I meant it. I never feel like a loser when I'm with you."

Y/N leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Bill's cheek which made the boy close his eyes and lean into her touch. The girl pulled away and gave him a soft smile as she whispered, "You make me happy, Bill Denbrough."

Bill swore he about passed out right then and there, his heart beating so fast that it felt like he was having a heart attack while his face grew redder by the second. He could only stare at the girl agape for a moment before looking down bashfully while Y/N just watched the boy silently.

An idea then popped into her head and the girl pulled away so that she was sitting shoulder to shoulder now with Bill. Y/N took in a shaky breath and looked at her hands before nervously asking, "Can I try something before I leave?"

Bill looked up at that and tilted his head slightly as he gave the girl a confused look. "What is it?" he questioned, squeezing her hand slightly to let her know she could tell him whatever was on her mind.

Y/N stilled before allowing her gaze to move to the boy. She let her eyes glance over his face before she sucked in a breath and whispered, "Don't freak out.”

Bill furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and opened his mouth, ready to question her, when suddenly Y/N had leaned forward and captured his lips with hers.

The boy stilled almost instantly, his eyes wide as Y/N kissed him. The feeling was enough to warm up his whole body, his mind going fuzzy as he tried to comprehend the fact that Y/N Uris was kissing him.

It was a short kiss and before he could even move the girl had pulled away, her eyes wide in fear and a blush of embarrassment dusting her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Y/N rushed out as she quickly pulled her hand away from Bill's and jumped onto her feet. Her eyes were wide and she watched as Bill just stared at her agape, nothing but his eyes moving as he watched her take a few steps back.

The feeling of rejection began to wash over her and Y/N suddenly felt sick and silently cursed herself for ruining her friendship with Bill. Not wanting to stand there and hear the words of rejection that were bound to fall from Bill's lips, the girl began to back away and bowed her head as she said, "I'll. . .see you tomorrow morning."

Y/N turned on her heels and began to walk away as fast as she could while Bill stared after her in shock. He shakily brought a hand up to his lips that were still tingling from the feeling of Y/N's lips against his. His eyes shot back over to Y/N's retreating form and he didn't even hesitate to push himself up off the log.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck," Y/N muttered as she glared down at the ground, wincing at the pain that followed when she clenched her cut hand into a fist. Why was she so stupid? Why had she been dumb enough to believe that even for a second Bill could like her back?

Y/N was just about to disappear into the tall grass of the field when a hand was suddenly grabbing onto her wrist. The girl jumped, but didn't even have time to look back before she was suddenly spinning back until her hands came in contact with someone's chest.

Wide eyed, Y/N looked up at Bill whose face was a mere couple of inches from hers. His arms were wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him and all Y/N could hear was the pounding of her heart in her chest as she tried to comprehend what was happening.

Y/N didn't even have time to blink before Bill had moved his head the extra inch or two in order to press his lips to hers, initiating what was now the couple's second kiss.

The h/c girl blinked in surprise, her eyes wide as she stared at the boy who was kissing her. Once she seemed to register what was happening, Y/N found her eyes falling closed as she moved her blood-covered left hand up to rest on Bill's cheek and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss as she began to smile.

Y/N had never felt so happy in her life and she felt as if her heart was going to burst from the feelings that were consuming her. This was the kiss that was going to set the expectations for every kiss she had in her whole life and she knew without a doubt that nothing, nothing, would ever come close to a kiss from Bill Denbrough.

When they pulled away, Y/N let her eyes flicker open only to find that Bill was already staring back at her. The two were frozen in place as they stared at each other, both still in shock from the fact that they had just kissed each other. It felt like a dream and neither of them wanted to wake up.

Bill was the first to move and he gently brushed his hand against the girl's cheek as he went to push a strand of her hair behind her ear. His green eyes flickered over her face and Y/N felt as if she couldn't breath. She had never loved the color green more than she did right then and she felt as if she could've stared into those eyes for as long as she lived.

"C-C-Can I walk you home?" Bill finally whispered, his voice slightly pleading because he didn't want to leave the girl's side just yet.

Then she was giving him that Y/N Uris smile of hers, the smile reaching all the way up to her eyes and making them sparkle as her nose crinkled ever so slightly. "I would love nothing more," Y/N whispered and Bill couldn't help but smile at that.

His hands slowly trailed down her arms as the two watched each other before his hand finally came in contact with hers, their fingers lacing together almost instantly as Y/N leaned forward to press one more lingering kiss to Bill's lips that left him breathless.

Bill couldn't stop the goofy grin that crept onto his face as he pulled away and Y/N returned it before the two turned and began to walk away from the river.

And with that, the two started their walk to the Uris household with their hands intertwined and one thing on their mind—how thankful they were that Y/N was in Derry for the summer.

* * *

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[linkispink1995]

Better as Friends (25) A new Routine

Previously

Series masterlist

Chapter warnings:language , mentions of smut and a lot of fluff , kissing

A/N:this is the last part to this series but fear not there is a prequel and a sequel to this series,I want to thank everyone who enjoyed the series. This was my first series that I'm actually proud of so like always feedback is appreciated , stay safe and enjoy (Also there is a small q&a at the bottom feel free to fill that out).

~~~~~~~~~~

February 10th 1983

Dear Y/n , I honestly don't know how to start this other then I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving , I'm sorry for ignoring you and treating you so wrong , but not only that but I'm sorry for being so distant towards the baby. Our baby , the baby we made with our love and I'm pretty sure on a beach towel but that's besides the point. I promise that I'll be there for you whenever or wherever you need me , I love you and hope with all the love and kindness in your heart that you can find a way to forgive me. I might not deserve it , I mean I definitely don't deserve it but if you can forgive me maybe we can start over. Raise our child together like it supposed to be , love Steve.

June 7th 1988

Dear Y/n , I love you and I'm not sure when I exactly figured it out but I do , I can't think of a particular moment I realized this it maybe its was when I heard you laugh first time or the first time and maybe I realized it again when I saw how you were with Jackson . I don't know when it was but it will be something I'll never forgot but I've been waiting for this day for a while to realize that I'm still in love you but now in this moment I know I don't want to let you or Jackson go.

Love Steve

~~~~~~~~~~~

I felt tears begin to prick in my eyes reading those words , Steve however was silent probably waiting to hear my responses. I didn't respond though , I couldn't I was speechless and I didn't know why. Maybe it was because of how long ago he wrote this or maybe it was that he had this letter or maybe it was because I realized that maybe someway somehow this is how we were supposed to get back together. I looked up at Steve before he wiped on of the fallen tears that stained my cheek before I placed my lips onto his. He pulled away saying "I love you" I responded saying "I love you too" we reconnected our lips before walking down the hall to finish what had been started before the phone call

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

I awoke the following morning to an empty obis of sheets 'was last night a dream , it felt like dream , it was a dream' , I then wrapped some of sheet around myself since after last night's events I was to tired to change into pajamas "good morning". I turned to see Steve exciting the bathroom with a towel hung loosely around his waist , I responded saying "good morning". He then pecked my lips before saying "as much as I hate to leave this view , I gotta go to my place and get some stuff and make sure that someone is gone" I nodded before saying "yeah I should probably get up too before he comes home" He sighed saying " god I love you but your such a procrastinator" I nodded saying "well when you get back I'll make your breakfast" he nodded before I got up and kissed his cheek again before walking to the bathroom. After my shower I exited the bathroom and walked into the bedroom to see that the bed had been made and there was a small note on the bed , I then walked towards the kitchen since I had yet to have my morning cup of coffee. I had put the creamer into the fridge when I felt a that familiar samll figure run into my legs I pulled Jackson into my arms before saying "hi my sweet pea , did you have fun at grandma's" he nodded before saying "I missed you mama" I responded saying "I'm missed you and you know what I have a surprise for you" his face lit up before I added "aunt Colleen and uncle Matt had the baby and you me and daddy can go see her today his face lit up with a smile saying "really" I nodded as he added "but I thought we were mad at him". I sighed saying "well I think daddy and I have made up now" he nodded as my mom stood there with a look of shock on her face causing Jackson to giggle before I added "hey why don't you go play so I can talk to grandma". Jackson nodded before running back to his room. As I began to take a sip out of my coffee mom spoke saying " where you safe last night " I gasped saying "mom" she shrugged saying "Y/n I love you but isn't he still with that girl ". I quickly shook my head saying "no mother they broke up" she then asked "well at least you were safe" I rolled my eyes saying "jesus my mother , that's not your business". She nodded before I changed the subject since this wasn't something I wasn't going to talk to my mother about. "How was he last night" she nodded again saying "good , he's a really good kid sweetheart I'm really proud of you". I nodded as she added " besides that did you get to talk to him at all" I nodded as mom added "really" I again nodded before she added " was this before or after he gave you that marking on your neck" I responded saying "oh no this is a-" she cut me off saying "sweetie if I didn't know what a hickey was you probably wouldn't be here" I cringed at my mothers words before saying

"whatever mom" before feeling lift me off the ground and then peck my cheek a couple dozen times. Robin rolled her eyes again before saying " well I'm gonna go , Steven will you walk me out , we need to talk " Steve then pecked my cheek before walking outside with mom.

August 12th

Steve's p.o.v

I awoke as the sunshine began to pour into Y/n's bedroom window , I yawned before Y/n snuggled into my side I kissed the top of her head before trying to soak a few more minutes of sleep. A few minutes later I felt a kiss on my cheek and voice say "good morning" I opened my eyes before pecking Y/n's lips before saying "good morning". We then continued to lay there in silence soaking up our last minutes together before we'd have to wake Jackson up since todaywould be his firstdsy of kindergarten , a few minutes of laying there watching the sunrise through the blinds before Y/n spoke saying. "He has to get up soon" I nodded saying "I know but he could just stay here with us" she sighed saying "Steve I wish he could stay but -" I cut her off by pecking her lips before saying "Y/n I'm kidding , I want him to go and have a good time". She nodded before rolling over to view her alarm clock causing her to say "I should probably get out of this bed now" I responded saying "I'll miss you baby " to which she responded "I like when you call me that" I then started to kiss the back of her hand and start to work my way towards her neck only to pull away before getting to her sweet spot to say. "You know there are other names too if you don't really love that one" she then gasped as my lips ghosted her collar bone before I added "like babe , and honey or pumpkin" my lips finally made it to where I knew she had wanted them causing her to gasp before I could continue there was a knock at the bedroom door causing Y/n to pull away and walk towards the door. As she opened the door to reveal Jackson on the other side whoa seemed surprise to see her there since he said "can we go now" she sighed saying "no sweet pea not yet , how about we go and have breakfast" he nodded as the two left for the kitchen.

Y/n p.o.v

I entered the kitchen with Jackson in tow , the excitement could be felt in the air with a small mixture of sadness since my sweet baby boy who I could once carry in my arms was now going to kindergarten. Jackson had been waiting for this since the beginning of summer , he'd probably been counting down these days. On the other hand I was a mess and each day it would get worse , I thought I'd never stop crying after buying his backpack. It would get better , and then I see his school clothes that he had on his dresser since May. Steve however was doing really well and was acting like nothing was going to change and maybe he was right maybe the only thing that was changing except my baby was going to kindergarten.

After breakfast Jackson quickly ran to his bedroom to get dressed , before practically nagging Steve and I to get dressed cause he wanted to go early. After Steve and I got dressed Jackson then dragged us out of the house , the entire car ride Jackson was talking a mile a minute about all the things he was excited to learn but I not Steve was silent almost as if he wasn't really there. I pulled into the school parking lot before looking into the backseat to see Jackson grinning like the Cheshire cat , we exited the car before waling to the school. I was honestly nervous since he did seem so excited but I was afraid that the second he got up to the classroom he wouldn't want to leave my side since Jackson had always been close to me especially in new situations. To my surprise when we got to the classroom he didn't put or cry he just walked away from us , not even a goodbye kiss or an I'll miss you hug. Jackson just walked in the classroom no problem. As Steve and I began to walk back to the car I spoke saying "are you okay" he shrugged before I added "Steve honey what's-" he didn't responded he just fell in my arms saying "he didn't say goodbye he just walked away from us , he's done with us pretty soon he'll be driving and he'll-" I cut him off saying "he's play Steve will see him in seven hours okay" he frowned saying. "How about we pick him up at ten instead of two" I shook my head saying "no he's gonna stay the whole time okay and will pick him up and go out for ice cream afterwards how does that sound". He nodded saying "fine" I responded saying "and we can't worry okay he'll be fine , at least he didn't have a meltdown like someone I know". Steve huffed saying "mom told said we were going to the park that was not the park" I rubbed his shoulder as Steve continued his rant about how he didn't have a kicking screaming fit on the first day of kindergarten (he did) as we got into the car I couldn't help but think about how long it had been since I was in a classroom

Flashback

It was a rainy cold Thursday , I was sitting in Ms. Stone history class watch the rain drops tap the window . I probably should've been listening to her speech on the second world war , my perfect view of the first spring rainstorm after the snow had melted was disturbed by feeling someone tap on my shoulder. I knew exactly who it was , it was the person who sat in front of me since the beginning of the year , Steve Harrington. We had been best friends since Mrs. Andrew's third grade class after he poured paint in my snow shoes and I returned the favor by placing a rubber spider in his bookbag but that was over now. Are small rivalry had turned into a really good friendship and if I was being honest I couldn't help but want more my thoughts were interrupted by Steve saying "do you have a pencil" I sighed before handing him the one I was using "thanks" he said before I realized that was my only pencil. I sighed knowing that Ms. Stone was extremely stick about pencils I knew that because of Steve constantly asking for one. I hesitated before raing my hand before she spoke saying "yes Y/n you had a question"

I swallowed the lump in my throat given that I was never one for public speaking "I don't have a pencil and I was wondering if I could borrow one"

I felt as if every eye was on me "Ahh Y/n I thought to expect more from a grade A student" she said while walking towards my desk I was ready to hear what an idiot I was when all of the sudden someone interrupted "actually Ms. Stone , Y/n let me borrow her pencil I didn't realize it was her only one" it took me a moment whose voice it was , I though I was dreaming but I couldn't have been no mater how boring Ms. Stone's class was I never feel asleep, but my eyes had not deceived me it was Steve , Ms. Stone sighed and looked at me again saying "you knew you only had one pencil so you gave it to your fellow classmate" I nodded "ahh I see well Y/n , Steve since you both like pencils so much why don't you come in to detention on tomorrow and sharpen some for me" Ms. Stone snarled before placing the pencil on my desk and walking back to the board before Steve turned around to mouth the words "sorry"

After class I made my way to my locker before Steve caught up with me saying "listen Y/n I'm really sorry about that-" I cut him off saying. "It's fine" Steve then added "well hey listen what are you doing tomorrow" I responded saying. "Sharpening pencils with you" he rolled his eyes saying "I mean afterwards , do you maybe get something to eat" I nodded saying "yeah sure Benny's with the group sounds like fun". He shook his head saying "actually Y/n I was thinking that maybe you and I could just go" I stood there shocked as he added "like a date". My jaw must've hit the ground when he said that , before I could respond he added "you know what I'm sorry we don't-" I cut him off saying "no that would be nice yeah we can go after detention" he nodded saying "yeah that's great um yeah" I nodded before feeling the courage to kiss his cheek causing Steve to turn bright pink I then quickly walked away before heading to my next class.

Flashback over

After picking Jackson up from school the three of us had lunch at Benny's as Steve and I sat listening to Jackson entire day I couldn't help but think that maybe we weren't better as friends maybe we were better together ....

The end

Here's the Q&A , I'd love some feedback

Taglist @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @queenofthehairharrington @charmed-asylum

(Let me know if you'd like to be added to either or both the sequel and prequel taglist)

[rambleonwithrosie]

Hello my lovely thirst babies! (It's what I call my followers)

For all of you new followers hi! Welcome! Enjoy the music and stay for the cute dish that is Queen's drummer.

All you previous 200 followers know that when I hit a milestone of 50 I always do a 50 questions type thing.

This one is gonna be all Queen!

(Also thank you everybody for sending a post from 0 to 500 notes in roughly one day!)

Opinion on Freddie Mercury calling himself "Mr. Farenheit"? It's adorable and almost like a little play on words with his birth name of Farrokh

Early 80's porn star Freddie or late 80's suburban dad Freddie look? Well I guess dad Fred because I'm not a stache person and the less facial hair and the shorter the better!

Stone Cold Crazy or I'm Going Slightly Mad? Tough choice but I'm Going Slightly Mad is the one I heard first and it's one of my favorites off of Innuendo. Sheer Heart Attack would be a great album even without Stone Cold Crazy

If Freddie asked you to house sit for him would you do it? Unless the cats are somewhere else no. I'm allergic and prejudiced against cats.

Satanic Prawn Onesie from It's A Hard Life music video or Disco Ball Red Devil Romper stage costume? Anything is better than the 800 eyed abomination

Get Down Make Love or Body Language? Get Down Make Love because at least musically it has some quality even if lyrically it's utter garbage (well if you chop off the first part it's not the worst)

Freddie in I Want to Break Free video or in Radio Ga Ga? Radio Ga Ga outfits always win. Plus other than the blouse I personally wouldn't wear anything Fred has on in I Want to Break Free

Opinion of Delilah? I think even if I actually liked cats I'd still cringe at it. As it is I definitely do not enjoy it

Bohemian Rhapsody or Bicycle Race? Oooh see Bicycle Race was my fav as a kid but BoRhap is legendary... I guess Bicycle Race because nostalgia and Star Wars!

Favorite 70s Freddie outfit?

Fat Bottomed Girls or Tear It Up? Ooh. Tear It Up. It's so delightfully naughty and grinds so hard. It's my dirty jam

Brian song you would really go all-out air-guitaring to? Tie Your Mother Down

Sail Away Sweet Sister or 39? I love the nerdiness of 39. But Sail Away Sweet Sister speaks to me and the main character of the novel I'm writing a lot. So gotta be SASS

"Hammer to Fall" or "Headlong"? Hammer to Fall probably. It's such a power jam. Not that Headlong isn't. It's also less dirty and it's on one of the best Queen albums ever

Favourite Brian solo? Oooh. Probably Tie Your Mother Down (I honestly can't recall if it has a solo. I just know it slams really hard and I live for that intro)

Briana in "I Want to Break Free" or Death in "It's a Hard Life"? Aghh. I love sassy Brianna but death is the only remotely sane looking one in Its A Hard Life

Favourite Brian solo song? I don't know a lot so Driven By You I guess

If you could spend a weekend with Brian, what would you do? Take nature hikes and talk about music and C S Lewis works and play with hedgehogs if at all possible

Would you rather stargaze with Brian or study in a science library with Brian? Stargaze for sure. I love it anyways and then he'd know all this brainy stuff that might put me to sleep but would still be fascinating

Favourite photo of Brian? I want his shawl thingy. Glam bastard.

Is Deaky one thicc bih in your opinion? He is certainly the thickest member of Queen. Have you guy's seen his apple bottomed ass of perfection?

If you could redo John's hair for Radio Ga Ga how would you do it? Maybe spiky with gel or something. Anything to reduce the electrocuted squirrel look

Describe John Deacon using 5 foods? Celery. Tall and kind of forgotten but essential. Onions because he's so savage at times he could make you cry. Hazelnuts because his hair and he's earthy and complex. Cheese because you are what you eat. And cherries but the tart pie kind not the sweet ones.

Where would you take Deaky on vacation? Hmmm. Some place with not a lot of people. I feel South America somewhere. Maybe a beach or to Patagonia

Favourite Deaky song? You're My Best Friend timeless and sweet

If you could give Deaky a new nickname what would it be? Salty the Hermit Crab

Favorite Deaky facial expression? His soft blushy sort of modest smile. Especially in the 70s.

Favorite photo of Deaky?

Favourite Deaky outfit?

Favorite salty Deaky face?

Which Monty Python sketch does Roger remind you of? The Encyclopedia Salesman because he could charm his way into somebody's house and sell them anything like the time he bs-ed that he was a Hoover vacuum salesman with I want to say John

Favourite harmonising by Roger? Probably Somebody to Love. He adds so much to those harmonies. And when they do it live it's even more noticeable but in a different way

What kind of car do you think I'm In Love with My Car is about? Whatever it is I see it as red. Probably a red Ferari. Or that's what I see and I'm sure Rog wouldn't have said no to one of those

You can have Roger do one of the (metaphorical) things to you that he mentions in "I'm in Love with My Car", what do you choose? Well giving him a thrill while my radials squeal does sound pleasant 😉😍😈

Favorite Roger Taylor solo work? Original composition it's probably Let's Get Crazy off of Fun In Space but if we're counting songs he covered Racing in the Street HANDS. DOWN! It's my fav song all time now. It and Brandy by Looking Glass

If Roger was an accessory, what would he be? Sunglasses of course 😎😎😎

"Modern Times Rock and Roll" or "Loser in the End"? Modern Times Rock N Roll. That song is not long enough. I love it.

You can talk to Roger for the rest of your life or have one night of passion with him, which do you choose? This is torture... but you didn't say I couldn't make out with him @squeezemylemon so trap there. I'm gonna talk to Rog and make out with him but no night of passion sadly. I'll still be happy kissing and chatting and being friends with a side of inspecting each other's tonsils with our tongues 😉😁😂

Favourite stage outfit of Roger's?

You can have a three-way with two different Rogers... 1) Do you do it? 2) Which Rogers (photo examples are encouraged)? Not my thing but I'm such a thirsty bitch for Rog that in this case hell yes. Sign me up for this sandwich right here

Brian or Freddie singing "'39"? Brian all the way baby. He has that perfect folk singer type voice

Which songs from other bands best describes each member? Brian is Bowie's 'Space Oddity'. Freddie is Elton's 'Rocket Man'. Roger's anthem has to be 'Big Spender' even if musically the style isn't him, musically he's Dancing in the Dark by Springsteen. John is Beethoven's 5th Symphony or The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel but don't ask me why

The members of Queen as characters from the Muppets? Hmm. John is one of the salty old guys from the audience. Roger/ina is miss Piggy because he's such a diva. Bri would be Kermit for somehow patiently dealing with Piggy!Rog. And I had to Google the other Muppets and found one named Pepe the King Prawn and if that isn't Freddie Mercury I don't know what is

The members of Queen as the Avengers? Brian is Director Fury (he counts as an Avenger right?) John is The Hulk, Freddie is outrageous Iron Man of course and Roger is Hawkeye full of sass quips and sex appeal

Queen as cake flavors? Freddie is Cherry Chocolate. John is Lemon. Brian is a really dark chocolate that probably has coffee flavoring to it. Roger is strawberry.

Queen as Classic Hollywood actors? I weirdly want to say Freddie as Clark Gable but I think he's more Douglas Fairbanks. Brian is Lawrence Olivier. John is William Powell. And Roger would be James Dean (he counts right?)

FMK: Rogerina, Briana, Frederika? Fuck Rogerina obvs. Briana is a suitable housewife. And as usual poor Fred gets killed. Sorry.

Which song would you have liked to have been around the composer as they created it? Well as much as I want to say a Roger song I'd be too busy distracting him for that to work so I'm gonna say Brian writing Dragon Attack

Favorite album art/cover? The Game. 1980 Rog in leather is my sexuality. Otherwise I'd probably say Sheer Heart Attack

Who or what is the (not actual) love of each band member’s life? Freddie's was the 4000 cats. Roger's amore is cars of course. John is in a committed relationship with cheese on toast. And Brian is a slut who while he's married to Red Special he goes around having affairs with badgers and faucets/taps

Thanks again @squeezemylemon and @zestysexmachinefromzanzibar for helping with all of these questions!

[lalka-laski]

Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? Toronto & NYC. For knockoff purses of course How old was the oldest person you’ve dated? Glenn. Unless we count this guy I hooked up with for a few months in college. I cringe to think about how dysfunctional and GROSS that whole "relationship" was... Do you know anyone who has their own podcast? Too many people. It seems like something everybody thinks they can do but very few people have the talent for. Who is the first person under C in your phone’s contacts? How old are they? I don't feel like checking Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? Nope. Glenn and I have never been in a place yet that we've needed it, but I wouldn't be opposed to it in the future.

How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? At my current job, never What did you have for dinner last night? Moe's How many children do you want, and how did you decide on this number? Three is my ideal number but I have a feeling we will stop at two Where did your last kiss take place? My bedroom Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? It was my main hobby ^ What were some of your favorite books? What age are we talking? I read SO many When and why did you last feel lonely? I haven't in awhile Are you more of a visual learner or an auditory learner? Auditory Do you have any dietary restrictions? I'm a vegetarian. Although that's by choice Do you prefer Google Maps, Apple Maps, Waze, or something else? I always have issues with Apple Maps for some reason What is your favorite coffee brand? Tim Horton's, but I'll drink anything What is your favorite tea brand? Tetley Have you ever worn false eyelashes? Yep, I'm incorporating them into my like! But I have yet to find a pair that doesn't look so silly and jarring on my face How old does someone have to be for you to see them as an adult? I think attitude and behavior speak louder than actual age Do you ever ‘manspread’ when you sit down? Nope Which of your good habits has made the biggest positive difference in your life? Being kind to others has helped me forge some good connections and "ins" Have you ever dated someone who was very lazy? Mhm Have you ever turned down a job offer? Yep What was the last medical appointment you scheduled? I've been trying to schedule with this specialist counselor for weeks now but she hasn't gotten back to me. How unprofessional is that? And arguable dangerous considering she works with emotionally fragile people. Idk, I just don't get how somebody in that profession can flat out be ignoring calls(and emails!) from patients What are some of your favorite alcoholic drinks? Red ale Have you ever taught an elderly relative how to use a computer/smartphone? I've taught them how to use certain features Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? Uh... Plato's Closet. I'm not sure what the original brand is How many people can be seated at your kitchen table? Only two