dereklycangivesemotionaldamage

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Ever like try to watch a minecraft roleplay that's not Aphmau and you get to the third episode and it's about a horrible father? Probably just me but I decide "Heyy I should watch MyStreet again"

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Headcanon: Derek was banned from the Christmas tree farm after adopting all of the raccoons he saw there. Rachel did not let him keep all of them because the two they already had kept knocking things off the counter.

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Where am I

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Dante has no canon job.

Dante is now a comedian which is why he pays the least amount of rent, because he hardly gets any money.

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Good morning. Or bad morning for me.

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I consider writing a form of meditating, so technically I have been meditating in the morning and no one can tell me I did not.

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why does misspoke have two s's why does it need two s's there's clearly already an s.

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i have no fucking clue what to write now but I am almost done with Aphmau's backstory since I decided to do the worst character first. Might take another few sundays though

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It is now 2023, new year new me bla bla bla bla bla. So I have decided to actually work on my rewrite. Mostly Derek. Because.

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Good evening, I did not pass away.

I have decided to post this.

Derek had the "I can fix him" person mentality with Michael, like his dumbass already saw he was putting potions on children, being a real bitch to his co-workers, getting thousands of people killed, and being a child abuser. So, [reminder this is a headcanon don't take this seriously] technically this is Derek's fault.

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You know maybe I should try out astral projection, just so I can be less of a paranoid asshole :P

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Your car's extended warranty.

hey guys, what disgusting fetishes do you have? for example, my fetish is true love

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Derek just randomly found these two dumbass baby raccoons fighting and playing and decided to pick them up with a box, because 1. he's an idiot. and 2. he doesn't care about rabies. Both of them were literally so confused why they were being picked up because they were both newborns, so they were blind and deaf at the moment. No one gives a fuck where their parent went so he took them home, trying to get them to stop biting each other.

Aaron and Melissa were like, adults now so there wasn't any young children living with him. So he could keep them for a bit. He also got a wildlife permit just to fucking bring them home with him, then he got home and Rachel was so confused by the fact he brought two wild animals home instead of groceries like he was supposed to get. But they were the things he actually took care of so, lose some win some.

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Derek only has two raccoons who are both female but none of them turned out good, Derek just treats them better than his own children and believes they can do no wrong.

Ate his food? Well obviously that's their food now.

Scratched and bit him so he would have to go to the hospital for a rabies shot? Obviously they were just playing.

Destroyed all of mankind? OH WELL.

The raccoons are the only children he treats better than his own children and doesn't care if they burn down the house, they are spoiled little brats.

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Derek is a short king.

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Derek probably would get bullied at work if his co-workers weren't scared he'd bite them and give them rabies.