#I'm asexual not broken

[i-platypus]

OK, soapbox time again: folks who identify as asexual are NOT repressed!!!!

[ticklepinions]

So I had a thought talking to a friend

"What is a romantic partner if not a glorified best friend. Cause what people are doing with their shawties (romantic) I'm doing with my homies."

And I really think I ate that

[redysetdare]

Some of y'all gotta stop acting like there is a void in need of filling when it comes to non-partnering people.

I am a full person with a full life. I don't need a replacement because there is nothing in need of replacing. I'm not missing anything. Stop trying to fill a hole that isn't there.

[something-you-do-not-know]

In all the ace pride and advocacy I've seen around, no one has ever prepared me for how awful it feels for a situationship to break up due to ace/allo incompatibility

[frogofshadyorigin]

Rambling about some explicit NSFW stuff. I'll make a short disclaimer about it, since I normally don't do this.

So, this post is dealing with me, my asexuality, my views on sex and some more explicit stuff.

So this is a bit weird. I am definitely aroace, no questions there. I'm not sure if I'm maybe demisexual, but at least right now, I'm at most indifferent, if not slightly repulsed.

And yet, sometimes I see posts about writing prompts or some queer space post about someone getting their literal brains fucked out of them and I'm just like:

Damn. I'd like someone to fuck my brains out. But not in a sexual way. I'd like to be ravaged and reduced to an inarticulate mess. But without someone being sexually intimate with me.

I don't want to have sex, but I want to be a stuttering, mumbling mess out of appreciation.

And yet, the idea of sex makes me physically react. I get in a bad mood, my brain is initiating disgust and I can't stand someone touching me then.

I crave the intimacy of sex without the sex.

And sometimes it drives me crazy. Those are the days I can't really deal with my asexuality. The days I see it as something wrong in my life, something missing. Where I want to be sexual with someone, even though I know it's going to make me hate myself and will be detrimental to my mental health.

And I know I'm not missing anything. 99.9% I'm fine, happy even.

But then I read about someone being loved senseless and just feel like I'm missing out.

Yeah, that's mostly it. But I needed to get it out and what better way than screaming it to (mostly only) strangers on this platform.

[fruitgoat]

Oh! If I understood that off-hand comment my brother just made correctly, Nibling N is going full non-binary. I salute you! They'll be 15 in a few weeks. Old enough to know what they want. Young enough to adjust if needed. Parents are super supportive but a little confused because they never even hinted anything until now. As far I know. I picked B as the one that would come out, but so far he's apparently a straight cis male.

[asterrosewrites]

If love is a burning flame

Then why are some not lit

The candle isn't broken

Yet the flame just doesn't exist

And sometimes the flame exists

But produces no heat

Why then are the candles blamed

Because I am not broken

[bylrndgm]

heartstopper did it again. healed a part of me that was never healed, that i didn't manage to heal. i feel at peace now.

[s0fars0perfect]

if the reason i start writing again is because of the television show wednesday i'm gonna commit crimes

[ticklepinions]

Welcome to another episode of am I an asshole or just aroace.

Recently I've been in a situation where I've contemplated my sexuality a lot. My best friend has been telling me all about their dating escapades and honestly I'm a bit over it. Obviously as a friend I want to support someone I care about, but I just get into this mood I can't really explain??? I get so disinterested and even feel a bit hurt in a way. So ofc I do some reflecting and I think I found an answer.

A lot of my friendships with people ususlly looked different when they were romantically involved with someone. They would obviously need to prioritize their romantic partner, but sometimes I felt discarded. And i feel like we don't talk about that enough. I mentioned it a bit in my other post but to be pretty much replaced by someone you only know for a short amount of time feels some typa way. And I get it- I won't be priority #1 and I'm okay with that. But I feel like sometimes, men especially, have this toxic idea that their partners become their everything. And in turn, (in my case at least), pay less attention to their friends since their partner is now their sole support system.

So I think there's this small voice in my head telling me that when my friend(s) do find a partner, I'm just gonna be cast aside. I would be absolutely elated if my friend did find someone though, i just know for myself it would be an adjustment.

I feel like loneliness for an aroace person hits a bit different. Especially as I'm getting older, and seeing all of the people I know get into relationships, get married, and/or having kids. My family always asks when I'm going to get a partner (I haven't and probably couldn't come out to them safely). So many times I've been told I haven't found the "right person" or my aroace identity is "just a phase". And it's just gotten so old and bothersome at this point.

I can't even discern what thoughts are my own or the internalized aro/acephobia thats been deeply entrenched in my mind. I feel like I'm trapped in a state of just not knowing. And i get it, I have time, I can discover a different identity that makes more sense for me. But I don't want it!? I feel the most myself being asexual and aromantic (i think!). It's just that having to explain why or justify my existence is getting so exhausting. The way platonic love is just automatically pegged to be the least of all the other loves is just so sad to me.

I know about qprs and honestly they sound pretty dope but idk I might just end up with this loneliness eating away at me. The relationship I'd want with a person just seems so niche and unrealistic. I'm just real tired of living up to others expectations in every sense possible. Tired of not being enough. Tired of being stuck in this in-between of caring so much but not at all.

and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to be in a relationship of any kind to be whole 😩. But I think for myself I'd want it? But not the way society has envisioned it y'know?

[bippityboppityouch]

my parents told me that i shouldn't identify as aroace when i tried to come out to them (after several bouts of anxiety about doing it and followed by panic attacks and mental breakdowns) because i might change my mind later. i told them pretty much exactly this same thing, that THIS made me feel just a little less broken and that this really is how i feel at the moment, and if it changes, then it's okay. they told me they understood, then proceeded to just spout off the exact same nonsense they had before i had spilled my heart and soul, as if they hadn't even heard me. this is why i have regretted coming out to my parents every single day since i did when i was thirteen, on march 26, 2023 (i have a tendency to remember traumatic dates so i'm including it). it hurt. it broke me apart. my advice? if you don't know for certain that your parents will actually listen to and accept you, don't come out to them until you have the option to kind of just disappear from them permanently. ever since i came out i've been counting down the days until i can leave

Unpopular (?) opinion:

When I was young and wondering why I hadn't experienced a crush yet, the internet said I was probably just a late bloomer. They urged me not to identify as aroace because I could change my mind later on.

And looking back, like… so?

If I had been a late bloomer, who cares?

I was 13. I felt comfort in the aroace community. I didn’t feel like a weirdo for once in my life, surrounded by people who were like me. But I was urged to not join these communities until I became an adult in case I changed my mind about being ace. So I didn’t. And I paid for that.

Who cares? If you’re young and feel like you’re aroace, then you’re aroace. If you “change your mind” later, it’s okay. No one is going to be born and know themselves 100%. I genuinely thought I was alloromantic once, but now know I’m not.

Speaking from experience, I would rather have kids be “wrong” about their sexuality than feel like they have no place of belonging.

We shouldn’t gatekeep aroace folk because of their age. It hurts. It makes kids feel like they are the freaks society tells them they are.

[i-ran-into-a-lampost]

Somewhere in the world it's still the 6th of April so anyway HAPPY INTERNATIONAL ASEXUALITY DAY Y'ALL

[discursivetacenda]

Hey. Your local asexual here to remind you that not wanting sex does not mean you're broken. Being sex neutral or sex negative or sex repulsed is not a problem to fix*. Deviation from the "norm" is not a sign that you needta fall in line.

Always keep consent at the forefront of your relationships. And continue being the wonderful bean that you are.

* If you have trauma that underlies the feelings you have, that's something to address. But that's not at the root for everyone.

[booksaresacredspew]

Omigod it's me

5th grade: why are all these preteens around me having all these crushes aren't you a little young to be dating

9th grade: I'm still too young to be dating. In fact, I just watched *The Friend Zone* and I think that's a great concept. Maybe everyone should spend some time in the friend zone before they try to date me. Or they could just stay there. This is a perfectly sensible idea

12th grade: I guess I'm old enough to give dating a try, this guy's nice enough - but oh ew, kissing is just as disconcerting as it was when I tried it in freshman year. Maybe I should wait a bit before trying again, find someone I have stronger feelings for, or something

A year later: this one I actually had a crush on, but kissing is still weird and unpleasant. I just learned about the ace spectrum, maybe I am demisexual or even ace

A year after that: you know I think I am definitely ace

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

[goinggoats]

Just because I [every trait of asexuality] doesn't mean I'm asexual -_-

[saintestefania]

No, i'm not broken

No, I don't need good sex to "understand"

No, I'm not traumatized

Yes, I'm asexual, get over it.

I decided to be in the closet because is to difficult to explain how is it being asexual. But I'm fuckking pride of myself and who I am!