#I'm an overexplainer sorry can't help it

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Life Update

Heyyyy it’s been a while! I never really expect anyone to notice when I fuck off for long periods of time, but in case you did and happened to be wondering why I was mostly MIA for most of 2023, here's what I've been up to.

The short version: My husband and I sold our first house over the summer and bought our “forever” home! It worked out so much better than I could have hoped, but it turns out that prepping a house to sell and moving = lots of stress and chaos...which caused me to tumble off the deep end mentally for a while afterwards and I’m only just starting to recover.

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Before I elaborate, I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because the last thing I want is to come across like I'm complaining or ungrateful. I'm very aware of how lucky and privileged I am to be a homeowner, so I am by no means asking for sympathy or trying to act like "buying/selling a house is so stressful, woe is me!" I understand that homeownership is a pipe dream for a lot of people, especially in the current economy, and I don't take that for granted. I'm genuinely grateful that I even have the opportunity to be stressed about something like this, but I can't deny that it was stressful.

If anyone is wondering how I managed to buy a house at all, I'm happy to answer that in a separate post. The abridged version is extremely lucky timing plus countless hours of hard work put into fixing up our first house that we bought for cheap back when the market was way more balanced (2016).

When I talk about the stress of last year, it's almost entirely in regards to my own mental health which is something I've always struggled with. I get overwhelmed VERY easily by regular life, let alone when I go through a major change (no matter how positive it is). Every big transition period in my life has triggered intense anxiety disorders and/or depression for me, so that's the main reason why things felt so difficult.

If you happen to be thinking something along the lines of "shut the fuck up, no one cares you were stressed, you're so privileged to even be able to own a house," ...believe me, I've already said to myself a million times. That is part of why I end up so depressed in the first place, because I feel like I “don’t have the right” when my life is so wonderful. But thanks to therapy I understand more about my mental illnesses and I'm trying to be less hard on myself now.

Still, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea 😅.

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Anyways! If you want to know more about our house/see some pics, the long version with all of my rambling is below the cut!

The long version:

My husband and I bought our first house in 2016, right after getting married. It was conveniently located right across the street from where we had been living with 4 of our friends (which is how we were able to save enough money to buy a house), but it was in such bad condition that it didn't even meet the FHA minimum property standards so we had to use a special type of mortgage to purchase it. We always meant for it to a long-term flip, planning to live there while renovating it so that we could sell it after a few years and use the profit to buy a house that would be more permanent.

We put so much literal blood sweat and tears into that house. In the beginning we spent every single hour of our spare time fixing up the house. We do all renovation work ourselves because my dad and husband have experience with demolition, electrical, and plumbing. And anything we don't know how to do we just figure out as we go along. The only time we hired a contractor was to replace the roof that had extensive water damage.

(This is the water damage discovered down the whole back of the house a few weeks after we bought it 🙃)

(One before-and-after out of many to avoid making this post absurdly long. The contractors finished the ceiling when they did the roof but otherwise we did all the work on that bathroom ourselves, including moving the shower wall back 6 inches so that the shower door wasn't mounted to the window trim 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Over a few years we worked on remodeling each room until we eventually we got super burnt out, and then the pandemic happened and we both fell into a deep depression. Finally, in 2022 I got myself a therapist and started clawing myself out of the dark place I was in, and at the start of April 2023 we started prepping the house to sell. I had been watching the market steadily increase to absolutely insane levels and knew it was kind of a “now or never” situation, even though I still felt very fragile mentally so I was worried how I would handle such a large undertaking.

I never could have imagined just how amazing it would turn out. We truly couldn't be happier with our new home, it’s pretty much everything we were hoping for and I still can’t believe how lucky we are to have gotten it. I was prepared to have a hard time finding an affordable house. I had heard of all kinds of horror stories and the crazy competition going on in the market was intimidating. I thought we were gearing up for the long haul, and prepared myself for a lot of disappointment. Our house was the first house we put an offer on (the third one we looked at in person) and we somehow got it! It’s insane, I'm so fucking grateful.

The only catch is that it's a lot more of a fixer upper than we had originally planned on buying. I didn’t think that we would ever buy another house that required as much renovation as our first one did, because that shit was intense and we are now in our 30s and very tired 😂. But our new house has so many features that were on our “would-love-to-have-but-probably-won't-find-in-this-economy” list like laundry upstairs and an attached garage (also a pond??!?! We have a fucking pond and I love it so so much🥹). So we knew we could turn it into a home we’d love spending our lives in if we put in the work. Plus it was actually well below our budget (probably because of the condition it was in).

We decided to offer what we were willing to pay, which was well above asking but we still didn't think we'd have a chance because the market is so competitive. I don’t know if our real estate agent just worked some magic (she was amazing), but we were genuinely stunned when she told us we got the house.

(Our beautiful pond🥹 🥰)

After that, things moved SO fast. The timing made it overlap with the prepping/listing of our first home, which was really stressful to juggle all at once on top of our full time jobs. I thought selling was going to be the easy part since the market is so skewed towards sellers right now. And it did go amazingly well once we listed (64 showings and 12 offers in one weekend, fucking nuts?!?!!), but the months leading up to listing the house were CRAZY. I knew it would be a lot of work to prep the house since we had a bunch of unfinished projects, 4 open permits with the town that we needed to get closed, and had accumulated so much shit over the years, but I definitely underestimated how intense it would be, especially with the overlap of buying our new house. I had used up all of my PTO for the year by June in order to deal with house things and felt like I was constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown. I pushed myself way past my limits and knew I would pay for it eventually.

But we made it through the chaos and officially moved in July. Let me just say that I hope I never have to move again😵‍💫. It was 90+ degrees (F), 95% + humidity that weekend, and then POURING rain on the day of the move🙃. But other than that, everything went pretty smoothly! After a couple weeks of getting settled and sleeping in the living room, we started on the renovations in early August.

(Before and after of our living room that we are using as a hobby room for D&D, music, art, etc I love it so much!)

(Before and after of the downstairs bedroom which we use as our office)

We remodeled two whole rooms in about 6 weeks, which was wayy too much. We had been going nonstop since April and by the time we got to October, I hit a wall. Because my mental health was incredibly fragile to begin with, surprise surprise I ended up stuck in another bout of horrific burnout-fueled depression for a solid 2+ months after we finally paused to take a break. I've struggled with my mental health since I was a teenager, having periods of depression, panic disorder, and GAD on and off. Also over the past year, I’ve started to suspect that I may have undiagnosed ADHD so there's a lot going on with my brain. I've always been a very sensitive person, and my mental health is the first thing to suffer if I don't take care of myself.

I started feeling a bit better in December, but then things got crazy again with work and the holidays, so I ended up back in burnout land yet again. Now I think I'm finally starting to truly recover as I enter the slow season at work. We are easing back into renovations but I've been trying to take it as easy on myself as possible to avoid falling back into that dark place, which is why you haven't seen much of me on tumblr. It bums me out, and I often feel frustrated with my own limitations when I see everyone posting and chatting and creating and I want so badly to join in, but I sadly just haven't had it in me for a long time. But I'm still lurking and forever obsessed with InuKag and hope to be recovered enough to participate in fandom stuff more soon!

I've still been writing and drawing here and there whenever I get a bit of inspiration. I actually just finished an Inuyasha redraw that I'll be posting soon! I've also been writing a lot more recently, or at least thinking a lot about my WIPs😂. The main one I've been working on is If It Kills Me, which I am dying to share with you all. But it's a mystery/thriller/actiony type of story with plot points that still need to be figured out, so once those pieces fall into place I will hopefully be able to wrap it up. I'm going to be working on it a lot in February, so we'll see what happens.

I would love to share my other main WIP The First and Last this summer (since it's a summer-based story), but we'll see how things go. The next major renovation project is the kitchen 😵‍💫, so fandom things might have to sadly take a backseat again during that. But I'll still be lurking here and missing you all! ❤️

[bizcochitomarmolado]

Cr. anxiety.positive

[androgymagnus]

yeah buddy i was exaggerating for humor. like, joking? you know joking? literally the reason i like dr wolf is because he's kind. i don't think he's an asshole. hell, gordon ramsay--as a persona, and with this meme, part of why it's funny to me (not to speak to his real life because i don't know much about it)--usually is. he's yelling at the adults because they are doing something wrong and should know better and being kind to children because they aren't.

i was more talking about both the difference in both vibe--dr wolf is more likely to say something unintentionally rude/blunt/seemingly confrontational to a non-patient, particularly i was thinking of nichols in the pilot episode as i'd just rewatched it (not that nichols wasn't being kind of rude there too lmao) and just how in general, especially with how closed off he is personally, he tends to focus his warmer/more open kindness and empathy on patients (and dr pierce, his one close friend). this isn't to say he's cruel or intentionally unkind to anyone (though he gives off that impression not just because of his faceblindness, though that's part of it, and again, i don't think that means he is an asshole) beyond being a little confrontational, which is almost always in defense of his patients (or to his mom, which believe me i am not here to judge), even if the other person has a point (which is admirable, once again, since i didn't say it enough apparently, this doesn't make him Actually An Asshole). wow that's a lot of parentheticals. i just woke up, my head's all over the place. anyway, that vibe, of how he's more (if you'll forgive the pun) patient with his patients, while coming off as blunt/rude to others usually because he's so focused on his patients, doesn't mean he's a dick, just that he's like, good at his job. which he is.

AND--yeah i didn't forget i said 'both'--i believe i was thinking of both the aforementioned scenes with nichols and other people he thinks are being dumb in episode one (not that he's wrong, and it's admirable he has his patient's best interests at heart, that's like, again, the whole point, that he cares when other people won't) and he's very... confrontational? i don't know how to describe exactly what i mean, it's not that he's being an asshole but that there are times where he's so frustrated with them he's ironically not seeing their perspective (ie, should we take the mom's kids away forever in the first episode? no! was it reasonable to take them temporarily and require supervised visits for the time being? yeah! then, i don't think he's stupid, i get he was also upset with the implication it could become permanent and i get that, but--you get what i'm getting at here? gestures frusuratedly) which is, again, not unreasonable, but a Vibe Difference. and also of when van first fucks up with the needle and standard biopsy, yes, it is totally reasonable for dr wolf to scold him and be like this is a very basic procedure a doctor has to do and you could have made this worse for the patient, but i admit the first time i watched i kinda thought he was gonna be like okay, what's wrong, because that was not a normal reaction--but he was more concerned about the patient's feelings than what was up with van, which again. is reasonable. and not making him an asshole. but the difference is there. do you see what i'm saying.

i literally do not want him to be an asshole. that sucks. i don't need dr house 2, if i want to watch that i'll watch house or one of the hundreds of terrible sherlock adaptations (i'm talking to you, bbc sherlock. elementary, you can stay.) i much prefer an eccentric genius character who is allowed to be openly kind and empathetic rather than be a cold asshole who maybe, if you're lucky, is ~hiding~ the kind heart under that. not that that trope can't be fun but it gets really stale and a character like dr wolf is way more refreshing and fun.

look bro the original post was a little reductive but it was also a joke i made right before bed after rewatching the first episode (i was forcing my mom to watch lol) like. chill

also really funny how with patients vs almost anyone else dr wolf is just that gordon ramsay with kids vs adults "im not leaving until you laugh" vs "WHAT ARE YOU????? (an idiot sandwich 😔)" meme

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! Sorry if this is a stupid question but I was wondering about representing disabilities/things in general that you don't have.

I always see people say that they want characters to be represented properly, and to show their disabilities and lives in an accurate way, but I also see people talk about how you shouldn't write about the struggles a POC/minority/person with a disability/etc. faces because you don't experience that and you're speaking over them or only using their story for "trauma porn" or whatever.

Maybe it's just because I'm autistic but I'm really not understanding how those two things coexist. How do I show how someone lives, especially with a disability that might be painful, without writing about the things they face?

Obviously it would be super weird if the character's entire personality was just "My life is awful because I'm so different, I can't do the things everyone else can, my life sucks."

But what about normal things that they struggle with? Like "Yeah I only have one arm, it's a pain in the ass to do dishes but it's not the end of the world." or "I have albinism so my depth perception is shit but whatever" or "It's fucking annoying when people stare at/judge me because I look different, but if they don't like it that's their problem, not mine lol."

Is the problem whether or not a characters ENTIRE story revolves around their disability? Using my own as an example:

A story, specifically, about how Funky Bungus, as an autistic person, lives in the world and what struggles he has due to his disability, VS a story where Funky Bungus is trying to stop two kingdoms from going to war and there's a short scene where he feels bad about not being able to make eye contract with people, before going back to the Kingdom War Drama.

I just want to use my stories as a way to educate people about disabilities and make people go "Hey, that character is like me!" or to make people think about their actions, like having a character complain about people staring at their scar/missing arm/etc. so maybe people will read it and go "Wow, I guess it IS rude when I don't mind my own business, from now on I won't stare at people."

Sorry if this got long and incomprehensible 😬

I guess the question is "How do I write about the struggles someone with a disability faces without coming across like I'm writing trauma porn or speaking over people" but I just have the Overexplain Everything So I'm Not Misunderstood Disorder™ lmao

I believe you have it right; the problem with many stories about disabilities written by non disabled authors often lies in when the story relies entirely on the disability.

It’s absolutely fine to write about the struggles a character faces — for an example with one of my disabilities, say a non-disabled author wrote about how a character kinda hates their chronic pain and wishes they didn’t have it. But otherwise there’s other stuff going on in the character’s life, like friends and family and hobbies, not just self-pity, and there’s other things going on in the plot, like maybe a mystery to solve or an Item to find or an adventure to go on or something.

That would be perfectly fine, and I’d love to read it actually, and really writing is kind of a balance of using what we know already and mixing it with things we haven’t experienced but have researched and/or thought about.

That’s how you show an authentic character with disabilities — they have struggles, things they can’t do or can’t do as well as others, but that’s not all there is to them. There’s things they enjoy doing, things they’re good at, people they spend time with and things they do.

Good intentions combined with research and knowledge (and good plots!) will make for good stories that feel authentic.

Hope this helps!

Mod Sparrow

Hi!

I think that there can be good stories that have disability/ableism as its primary focus, but they should be #OwnVoices (as in, made by people who experience said thing). That's largely because it often gets very specific and thus easy to misrepresent even if you have good intentions. Sometimes it can end up like "being disabled is so sad and everything is inaccessible, how tragic!" and end up pitying the character - rather than actually sympathizing with them - just because that nuance is missing. To use the same example as you did, "character complains about people staring at their scar sometimes" would be a completely normal way to include ableism as a part of life that does happen, while "character gets bullied for 300 pages for having a facial difference" would be in the torture porn category (when written by someone who doesn't have that experience).

I think that what Sparrow described is the best if you're not describing your own experiences. Including ableism as a thing that happens from time to time or as a tertiary focus is totally fine. That's how it is in real life - sometimes things do suck, but there's still a whole lot of other things that we do.

I think your desire to educate people is admirable and it should be very much doable with the solutions you presented! Good luck writing!

mod Sasza

[queerliblib]

Hi! I work in a library and am an aspiring librarian! (Currently in my Master's program for it!) I've been following you for a while now and I am so happy for the work you're doing!! The library system I work for is in a city, and the area is relatively progressive and I work with a TON of queer folks throughout all our different branches (including myself!); even our Customer Service team, which I'm a lead for (not boss, but a step above a regular CS worker; training, guiding, and working with our manager to make the team succeed etc etc), is filled out with so many queer folks. (And we're all our own brand of Neurodivergent™ 😅.)

Anyhow, I love seeing your stuff pop up on my dash and I signed up as soon as I could for the card! In our system, we have things called "affinity group" which are personal spaces through our Teams app up for workers with marginalized identities can go to find one another and create a safe space and community together. It's obviously through work, but it's a place for all if us from different branches to connect and share our experiences with one another. I'm in both a generalized disability one and a Neurodivergent one!

We love talking about our special interests (even have a whole channel dedicated for it in the neurodivergent one 😅) and we happened to get on the topic of fanfic and fandoms. Someone in our group was saying that they often read fanfic because it's a place where a lot of queer people go to write for themselves and other queer folks. So I linked to your website and told them about all the cool queer works on there by and for queer folks! They seemed really happy to see it! I'm not sure if and when they'll sign up, but you definitely have some queer & disabled library workers VERY interested 😄

Thank you for all your work here and I plan to continue to spread your stuff everywhere! Since I can't really help with donations (even with a union, still not a big paycheck 😅), but I'll keep promoting you guys to everyone and anyone I can find who will appreciate it! Thanks again, you guys are wonderful! (Apologies for the overexplaination, I'm very bad at keeping things short 😅)

oh, this is so lovely, thank you! sorry it’s taken us so long to answer - fundraiser time was quite busy!!

it’s always delightful to hear from other library workers. we know everyone out there is doing the best with what they have (which often isn’t much) and we just hope QLL can supplement & complement the excellent work that libraries everywhere are already doing. (& aside from donations, sharing info about us really is the best way to support, so thanks!!)

good luck with your MLIS 📚

[galedekarios]

I really appreciate you defending our boy so valiantly and with such well thought out, concise arguments! As someone who has ADHD, and has struggled with depression my whole life, I immediately latched onto Gale bc I see so much of myself in him!! There is SO much to love about him and he's one of those characters that helps me be more compassionate to myself (self recognition through the other for the win!) so seeing fans constantly shit on him is disheartening and really annoying, but to see the actual DEVELOPERS talk about "yeah that guy sucks he's SO annoying everyone would be better off if he had just killed himself" is.....ooof.

BUT thankfully when I start feeling really upset we've got blogs like you to ride to our favorite wizard's defense and help celebrate all the things we love about this beautiful, complex character! I hope one day we won't have to work so hard to push back against this negativity towards Gale (and any character that isn't that one who fans and devs have deemed perfect and flawless and the only one that matters...) but as long as we do I appreciate all the work and passion you put in to raising up Gale of Waterdeep!

(and sorry this went on forever I just get really discouraged in this fandom sometimes but seeing your posts always build me right back up and I wanted to let you know what a bright spot you are in my bg3 experience! ^^)

thank you for sending me this message! 🖤

i normally try to ignore these things because at the end of the day, they are meaningless.

but... not only does this come from the devs, but this hit a bit too close to home for me as well.

i've been struggling a lot with depression myself for the better part of a decade now.

i'll try to put my feelings into words bc how they have chosen to respond here and the message they are sending actually upsets me. i know i'm repeating myself at this point so sorry for sounding like a broken record myself, but:

gale is clearly coming out of a depression & self-isolation & struggles with suicidal ideation.

there is absolutely no sugarcoating that.

despite that, once he has no choice but to travel again after he's been abducted by the nautiloid, or perhaps because of it, he can't help himself. he can't isolate himself again. he's happy to talk and connect with not only the protag, but also the companions. he talks a lot, he cooks for them, and yes, sometimes he can be overbearing. he tends to overexplain. he corrects himself for talking too much, being too much. he's very aware of that perception of him and it's still an insecurity of his by the time the epilogue rolls around. it's in the devnotes. it's in the way he thanks the protag for encouraging him to attend the get-together at all.

i thought (foolishly, apparently) that at least the people who created the game and who are colleagues with gale's writer, had the emotional maturity and intelligence to recognise that and also see how that could be something a part of their player base emphasises and connects with.

gale being described as the one who annoys everyone and him dying as the "right" ending, as making up for being perceived as "annoying" by those around him, "inconveniencing" them by being ill and asking for a treatment, and his death being contextualised as "giving" back "to the world" is just...

it's so fucking disgusting to me.

[myfandomrealitea]

this isn't really fandom related but i like a lot of the points you make and was wondering your opinion on something i see a decent amount of people saying that asking for easily googleable information is weaponized incompetence and while I understand the rest of weaponized incompetence and why it's bad this part has never made sense to me, like i get it if someone is pretending not to know or has asked each time they are asked to do it, but i mean if someone was never taught how to do something and they ask someone instead of googling it its seen as putting more responsibility on the person they are asking? when i feel like calling up your parents when you can on how to like boil an egg is a pretty accepted thing but if you don't have a good relationship with or any parents at all it seems like asking your community unless its a vague reddit that anyone can answer its seen as bad? like you can't ask the people in your life and socialize anymore because you can just get google to tell you when idk it just feels lonely? having to go to a search web instead of just talking to your social circle about how to do something? sorry if im overexplaining or don't make sense it just feels like some people follow the line of thought oh they asked me how to do something = they want me to do it because they don't know how even when they genuinely want to know how to do a thing so they can do it

Its because we live in an era where everyone is obsessed with the idea of not owing anybody anything and where asking anything of other people is considered selfish.

Honestly, I blame Reddit and TikTok for that, but that's a conversation all its own.

There are circumstances where its... Somewhat lazy or inconvenient to rely on other people to do things for you or coach you through something, and honestly I don't see how its better to call someone to ask how to boil an egg when you can YouTube it and get a visual and audio step-by-step that you can follow in real time, but each to their own.

Personally for me, it depends on the effort value of what I'm trying to do. Per your example for boiling an egg, to me, its not worth disturbing another person when realistically I can buy a carton of eggs, spend some time looking up cooking times and videos and give it a go myself. In the time it takes me to call someone up or type out a Reddit post I could've just gone to Google or Youtube and already started learning, and I don't have to risk potentially disturbing someone's relaxation time or work time over something that is, all in all, pretty trivial.

But let's say I'm trying to learn how to change a tyre or use a drill or something. I'd prefer to actually have someone there with me demonstrating and guiding me in real time and helping me to learn while also ensuring the job is done correctly because someone knowledgeable is actually right there too.

I think there's also a lot of other factors involved when deciding whether or not to ask another person for help. For example if your partner is busy trying to feed the newborn baby, do you really need to ask them how much washing powder to use or can you just look at the packaging for guidelines?

That said, as always, things like this are down to the individual people and are circumstantial. While I personally believe everyone should have some level of initiative and self-sufficiency, I also think there's nothing wrong in asking for help when you need it or wanting to learn new things with people.

If calling up your parents to ask them is how you want to learn to boil an egg, call them. Life is short. I love calling up my friends and saying "hey, wanna come learn this thing with me?" because its spending time with them, learning new experiences and doing something with someone you care about.

I might not call my parents up to ask them how to boil an egg, but there's still plenty of other things I can learn from them.

[askscribblestuff]

okie dokie chat! i will try to not make this too long but one of my main traits is being an overexplainer so that probably wont help much!

im gonna make this the pinned post on all my animaticverse blogs ! for easy access to the old pinned posts ill put links here SCRIBBLES PINNED POST - JPEG BLOGS PINNED POST - QUOTES PINNED POST

TLDR: tragic turn of events , mod is quitting!!! (THANK YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING1!!!)

Ive been on a "break" for over a month and the longer i stayed away the more excuses i came up with to not come back, lol. but the truth is i've.. mostly lost interest in running these blogs! although i cant stress this enough, the short time ive been in the animaticverse community has lead me to feeling the happiest ive ever been! i'm NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING WHEN IM SAYINBG THAT!! It has also lead me to meeting so many wonderful people (including the love of my life) , and i am . really grateful!! I can't be normal about anything so leaving these circular little fellows to rest is hard for me, as silly as it sounds . again running this blog has been super duper fun, the most fun ive had in a long long time , so thank you to everyone who participated and thank you to everyone who stuck around. sorry it couldnt last forever 💔

i love you all! <3 for more erm. technical info. the blogs arent exactly going anywhere, they will keep their urls, but i wont be answering any more questions in character- the ask boxes will remain open for a short while, just incase anyone wants to say anything to the mod, after that "Short while" is over though you can still ask stuff on @spraykit (my main!)

[pangyham]

sorry to anyone who has to see this HAHAHA i think it's a little fun to ramble to.. a void i guess. i'm typing this under the assumption no one's gonna read it, let alone find it, so, sure, i'll talk!

on pangytine, my current and only instagram account, i sometimes get these spontaneous urges to post a huge a long overdue thank-you paragraph to my followers on my story. gratitude for indulging my artistic endeavors when i still had tangypine. i just never did it because.. well it's kinda.. cheesy... i had no idea how to deliver it in a way that didn't seem dramatic or "humble" because cmon, i'm not that relevant. It felt a bit weird addressing it because it just made it seem like i was this huge influencer who suddenly disappeared (and yes i know i was technically considered a big artist on both ig and twitter but.. it's not like i was unique; i think.. the state of Fandom and the art community these past few years makes accumulating thousands of followers a little less unattainable, and i was one of those artists. and my work is not phenomenal- i did not leave an impact on the art community. but these nuances will just have to be generalized for now because i think you all know what i mean) and so i couldn't help but laugh and cringe and think, "i am not this relevant-" because i really wasn't. why make a big deal out of it?

but i can't help it being a little dramatic though, because i still get emails from my followers asking where i am, and i get comments and messages on pangytine ("i finally found you!"), and i even get messages from my shop's contact form! a shop that i've abandoned for months! and my heart swells. I don't want to dismiss that; i think i will always be a sensitive, emotional person and so stuff like this just makes me overwhelmed. it's sweet, and it will never fail to make me a little bit nostalgic and thankful. I will always have a soft spot for tangypine and my time spent in the anime + genshin communities… i dunno.. people are just so kind and i'm thankful i've encountered a lot of them

i've been a lot less.. chronically online (LOL) that the thought of having 200k followers is completely foreign to me. i forget that i had a huge following, that people actually looked at my stuff. I dont mean for this to come across as modesty though because i'm just being honest, truly. but this just makes the occasional "where are you? i miss your art" hit a little harder 🥲 i mean, i was able to somehow sell my art through tangypine. i was able to do commissions.. had so many say they loved my art- of course a part of me misses that. i don't think i yearn for it, and knowing that makes me a little sad.

i genuinely am thankful for every kind comment people have left me, and every kind message. I think i'm just ultimately thankful i had a kind following. people are so nice! and that's what i wanted to say, that's all ive always wanted to say before i deleted my accounts. here it is

aha and again i dont really expect anyone to see this (except maybe a few handful just because my very first post here has a whopping 4 notes, me included, and that genuinely shocked me HAHAHA). perhaps i just find closure in publishing these particular thoughts somewhere, and here they are sorry this is cringe to the people who read it. my friend once told me i'm notorious for overexplaining. This is will be the only time i get to say this, so gah whatever. i don't think i can bring myself to post this lengthy ramble on my more public account on instagram

[chuluoyi]

Chu !!! (i think you've answered this already I'm so sorry... but I can't find it) I just want to know what's your writing secret ? :3 and some tips and tricks ? Because you really do write stories that CONNECTS us to the characters, which is rare amidst most other writers here. You have a way to use simple sentence that explains a lot without overexplaining it and I love it 🥹 How do you come up with such sentences and scenarios ? Please reply whenever, hope you have a good day ! <3

oh my :') if it isn't an ask that will make me cry... once again, thank you so much and i'm so flattered that you think that way!🥹 i honestly think i'm average still *sobs*

okay and i think all of tips i've answered in previous asks are like so vague even to me too after reading it so i'll put a more decent explanation below the cut :')

write when you have free time and are most comfortable. when writing, i usually do it at night when i'm free from my office job and play a song according to the ambience of the fic i'm writing. if i'm writing crack, then i listen to playful music (bigbang's bang bang bang or fantastic baby works for me one time🥹), if i'm writing fluff then i'll put romantic songs on repeat, and if i'm writing angst then i'm listening to sad songs (*cough* eric chou's songs...) for me it helps a lot because i can picture the scenarios better after the setting is set through music

write it all. every single sentence. this is my main point in my previous writing tips. once you get the scenario you want to write, just write them all. it's going to be messy, ugly and like a total pile of vomit, i know, but trust me, that's a part of the process. if you're having difficulties with what kind of scenario to write, you can search for writing prompts! and if you're short on vocabulary like me, then you can find more in a list of similar words or use this website -> it works to me at least

go through what you write. this is the longest process to me :') so after vomiting everything, i always read through and reword all of them again. next it's more of what kind of a writer you are: 1) if you focus on more on feelings/descriptions, then you can elaborate more by using flowery words, or 2) if you're like me, who focus on actions more, then you can go through it mostly to reduce the unnecessary actions/words/explanations. i try to simplify each action so it won't be too long and redundant -> it's how i came up with short sentences ahaha

be confident. it's the core of it all honestly :') don't be afraid, just believe in yourself! we're all just little people in tumblr posting our imaginations so what's there to be afraid of? no one's gonna bite us even if we mess up verbs or two!

and most important of all, take it easy! again, we're doing this for fun... no one is going to haunt us for not writing on time!

so yeah, that's all i'm going to say! :') i really hope this will help you in any way... and once again thank you so much for thinking that my lil stories make you feel connected to the characters!🥺🩵 that makes me so, so happy!!

[the1975attheirverybest]

Ok so...This is my first time having someone read my smut, usually it just stays in my drafts. If someone actually reads this please remember English is not my first language.

Anon from yesterday, sorry it's not purely smut and of course Halla feel free to not post it if it's shit, I won't be offended. 😂

You're teasing him, a duvet over the both of you. You palm him over his trousers and play with the waistband...You look provocatively at him, tongue in your cheek and he's already flustered, you slide your hand inside his boxers, kiss his neck and bite that place he likes.

"Meet me in the bathroom in 2 minutes" you whisper in his ear.

You don't know what has gotten into you, you thinking while waiting for him. Sure your sex life with Matty has been full of unaspected discoveries about yourself. Like how good it is to let go of control, but also retaining it, and that you don't have to chose, just take turns, tune to each other's need...Still "public sex" was never on your plate and you're still unsure about this. Maybe it's because you know he has joined the mile high club before and you want to prove him you're no less than the other girls. You swear you can see the reproachful look his face would have if you would voice this concern.

A knock on the door pulls you out of your thoughts.

"Baby..." His voice so low you almost miss it.

You smirk, locking the door behind him.

"You don't have to..."

You're already getting on your knees, looking up, the look on his face leaves you no space for regrets now.

"But I want to, yeah?"

He nods, his eyes glassy.

You waste no time pulling down his trousers and boxers, you kiss his tip sweetly. He rolls his eyes with pleasure.

"Baby...fuck."

You chuckle before putting his dick in your mouth. You both like foreplay, teasing each other but this is not the time and place for it so you waste no time, you're on a mission. You hollow your cheeks, bobbing your head up and down, playing all of your tricks the you know will make Matty coming undone.

His hand rest on your head, but he's not pushing or pulling you, not today.

He lets out a moan, you stop immediately.

"You need to be quite, love. Can you do that for me?"

A spark light up his eyes, he nods sheepishly. You grin.

"Good boy."

He bites his lips.

You occupy your mouth again, your hand carissing his balls and squeezing them gently, your tongue swirling around him, sloppily.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck...Baby, can I come? Please?"

You would love to see him plead, edging him on until there are tears in his eyes, until he's an incoherent mess, but you're painfully aware of your location so you just look up at him, giving him your best doe eyes, nodding and squeezing his base a little harder and moving your head faster.

He comes with your name on his lips, you don't stop your movement until you're sure he's finished, only then you look up again, with your mouth open so he can see his come on tour tongue, you swallow smiling at him.

"You're something else, you know that?" He helps you up while getting his clothes back on, he licks your lips, then he kisses you, sloppy and wet, tasting himself on you.

"Fuck I can't believe I did that..." You rest your head on his shoulder, his arm is around your waist.

"Yeah... What's got into you?"

"Wanted to join the mile high club with you..."

He laughs softly.

"I thinking I need to return the favour then..." His fingers on the waistband of your joggers.

You briefly consider it and while giving him head has been fun, the fear of someone knocking on the door for you beats the rush of it.

You kiss his cheek, sweetly.

"I'm saying this counts as well."

"Are you sure?" He's still teasing, his fingers are not moving.

"I can't come..." You gesture around "with all these...Too much..."

He squeezes your hip, traces kisses on your jaw up to your ear.

"Tonight then."

You nod. You love how you didn't need to overexplain it, how he took what you you gave him willingly, but he doesn't pretend more. Now you know this is how supposed to be.

"I love you Matty."

He lips turns into a smile.

"Love you too, darling." He places one last kiss on you head, stepping away from you.

"I'd better go, then." He reaches inside the pocket of his tracksuit and hands you the little poach with your toothbrush.

"Thought you might want to freshen up a bit...Plus it was my excuse if someone did infact knock."

"I really, really love you."

He's opening the door, but he throws a look back at you, winking.

"Can't wait for tonight, love."

(SCREAMING INTERNALLY 😱 😱)

[theroundbartable]

Hi! I hope you're doing well! I've been wanting to write to you for ages because I've been reading and rereading and rerereading you and I think your writing is brilliant. Sorry, I'm going to be a bit personal because I can't imagine not being personal here, I find it difficult to express how much your writing touched me otherwise. But you can jump into the last paragraph directly if you don't want to interact with that, because awkard. Very randomly, I came across your work in a very strange time in my life earlier this year when my brain decided to echo something I didn't know was there, but that's not what's important here. What I want to say is: everything you wrote resonated that much deeper. I'm thinking especially about Everything I Do and The Regent (experience is experience and everyone is different and I don't want to make it about me, but thanks to those two fics especially I've been able to put into words things I've been feeling for years and I could use that to describe what was happening without feeling as lost, like if it exists in a story, it's not just me anymore, there is a sense to it, it's real too). BUT also, as someone who appreciates good writing, oh my god it's brilliant. Both the Regent and Everything I Do (still the ones I read the most) felt like a maze and everyting still made sense and all the characters were brilliant and fitted together and each time a revelation happened it was like "oh of course!" and everything falls into place. As I reread them I just find new details and puzzle pieces and it's a joy. I feel you make it so easy to understand what your characters are feeling and why they do what they do without overexplaining, excusing or killing the mystery. It's that extremely human mess, people not yet able to know why they do what they do, that is so difficult to write, I find. Like how things just happen but it makes sense if you think about it but also it doesn't have to as long as you trust it makes sense to the character, and I definitely trust your characters. So yeah. Thank you. Danke. I don't really ever post or anything, I'm just here to read but it felt selfish here not to say anything. I hope you have a lovely evening!

Don't be sorry, gosh this warms my heart, you have no idea. :)

Everything I do and Regent are both stories that are deeply personal to me. They both helped me get through some things and explain things to myself. So a part of that mess is literally me, being that mess myself and figuring stuff out. And I wrote them because I hoped to reach some people who struggle with similar things.

I just... Every time I post something, it is my wish that it makes someone laugh, makes someone think or feel. And I hope to help people understand. Either themselves or perhaps some other broader concept. It's rarely the stories I hold dear most that seem to reach that goal. It gives me purpose in a way.

To see that those two, the ones that I may as well have ripped right from my soul, reach you in this way moves me immensely. i really hope you're alright. I know the echo. It can be tough. (The analogy is spot on, not gonna lie.)

You're not selfish, no matter whether or not you had told me this. Thank you that you did. It means so much to me to know this.<3

[icharchivist]

Sorry to ask this, but do you know how to access this new "My Villa" feature in Gbf I see all over the english Twitter? Do I need to level my crew's island to a certain point to access it or is there a rank requirement or something?

it's all okay to ask, if there's anything i can ever help with you're free to ask, no matter how bothersome it seems like, esp in term of gameplay things.

From what i understand, you need to have leveled up your specific part of the island to level 3 before accessing the Room

this is what it says in the help tab at least

so in the Crew>Island tab

Before, when i clicked Details, it would bring me to the page showing off the mats requirement. Even once i had completed it, it showed me the mats, all greyed out with a "completed" on it

Now, when i click details, it brings me directly to my room.

so i would assume that if you click details and it still shows you Mats requirement, it means you can't access your room yet.

The mats for this specific area are really annoying since they're co-op only mats (or, grinding a lot of Rose Queen to get them and it'll be random and not even certain), and no one play co-op anymore (except for Astaroth)

But you should look out for the rerun events when they happen, ever since the rerun of Savior of Dalmore, there's been sets in the co-op rooms to buy those mats with those events's items

The Robomi store is still available (under Shop > Treasure Trade > Quest Items > Event/Others > Redux/Tie-in > Robomi), and while you can no longer grind for it if you still have mats you will find them here:

those are the two sets you will need to level up your island, takes the full stock when you can

From my experience i think you can count like, 2/3 Reruns events of the sort in order to fully upgrade your Villa (bc god knows i'm not touching Co-op lmao)

If you don't have remaining mats for Robomi, it'll be for next rerun event. If you can't buy all the sets, focus on the Co-op Treasure Set especially, since the Wispy Spirits are far more accessible to the general grind (Wispy Spirits are found in Shop>Treasures, and 2 of them are found in the Peacemaker's Wings tab, and the 2 others are in Empyreal Ascension. They require omega anima from basic and accessible raids, that are easier to farm by raid hopping - while Co-op is harder to organize and the drop rate suck ass.)

So that'd be my advice on this one, and once those requirements are filled you should access your Room without problem, i think

Sorry for the overexplaination, just making sure to make things clear just in case, but if i'm sharing infos you already know, well, that's the risk but i hope it'll be helpful!

Hope it helps o7

Take care!

[neurosky]

Partially venting, but also wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way, either with OCD or without. This is gonna be a lot of words, so I'll put a 'read more' here, I just don't really know how to explain this without overexplaining it??

So, I've been diagnosed with OCD for a few years and I've had it since I was little. My obsessions ranged from harm to getting sick and contamination to needing things to feel just right, and I thought that was it. But since 2020, I've felt this progressing need to know everything about myself. Literally everything.

I feel like I need to write down every single detail that ever happens to me, or document it somehow. With exact dates, quotes, times, all of that. I keep almost everything I've ever written - journals, planners, poems, stories, lists. Even random school assignments dating all the way back to elementary. Every single paper I've ever gotten from the doctor's, even if I know it won't be relevant to anything. I'm terrified of throwing anything away if it documents even a tiny part of my life that I really don't need to remember (like feeding my cat or something).

I go through all of my journals, planners, papers, poems, stories, lists, and everything else constantly, like almost daily. Even when I know I remember something about my life or myself, I need to confirm that I'm remembering it right. If it's not documented, I start questioning if it really happened or if I'm forgetting some tiny detail or something. So I document everything.

I didn't really do this in elementary. I barely did it in middle school, but it actually had a function that helped me in life. But over the past 4 years, it slowly progressed to the point where I'm thinking about this all day, every second of the day. I can't stress enough that I mean it when I say every second of every day.

I don't even know if I do my hobbies because I genuinely like them or because it fits the description of myself that I've documented. I built a life for myself in my head out of all the things I've written down and all the things I've analyzed about myself, but it's gotten to a point where I don't even think the life in my head is the reality that's actually happening. I still talk about playing guitar and write about it even though I only play it a few times a year, because the life in my head involves guitar a lot more than the life I actually have.

I literally don't know who I am anymore. Everything I do, everything I say, every single movement I make is based off of needing to know everything about myself for sure. My therapist brought up that it sounds like part of OCD, the obsessive need to know everything and doubting it even when everything shows that it's real. When I don't know why I'm doing something or what's happening in my head, I literally fall apart. I'm not kidding, there's been weeks where I don't leave my house or talk to anyone because I have to figure it out first.

It's really ironic at this point, because I thought by doing this, I have control over myself. But right now, the control has me.

I'm working through this in therapy, so I'm not posting this so you guys could be a substitute therapist or anything. That's not what this is for. I'm posting this because I'm so confused and I've never met another person who feels the same, even remotely close. I'm also posting this because I can't think of anything else to post, this is all I can think about. So this is what y'all get right now, I'm sorry.

[stupid-o-clock]

i still feel shitty around my friends. i ranted about this to my best friend earlier but i want to put this here so i'll basically copy paste my feelings.

i'm gonna call my friends P & V bc typing "friend"/"other friend" etc gets confusing after a while.

i was playing huniepop bc it's a fun game when u have nothing to do, but my P saw it in my discord status and immediately dmed the gc "BRO [me] IS PLAYING HUNIEPOP" and we started arguing about it bc she thinks these type of games are weird, idc lol. if u don't like them, don't play them, why get into my business? we have the most opposite opinions on so much shit like why even bother trying to start this

she complained about genshin nsfw popping up on her tl a while ago and told me to stop liking it, no? dont interact, click "not interested", block, even unfollow me idc not like we interact much anyway. gosh

she was so much better to have as a friend before we got close, i started having this feeling recently like once i get to know someone well it becomes weird. like damn, you know my trauma and ik yours? weirdo.. bye-bye! my gf, two best friends + two also pretty close friends are the only exceptions. but that's maybe because i got to know them before i started feeling like this?

tbh with these two it always feels like they've got something against me for no reason, that "no reason" also being im a dude. with all the shit they say n do it's a really toxic women>men type thing LOL and i can never say anything bc they'd team up on me!!

i don't think i'm ever included in those messages but thats bc im trans. if i was a cis dude theyd bully me into the ground, but i dont wanna be treated diff bc im a TRANS guy, im just a guy. the trans doesnt matter. treat me the same youd treat a cis one. and if you cant then we shouldnt be friends!

now this is about V and her boyfriend, theyve got a thing like he unfriends/blocks anyone she doesnt like going on. n one night he wanted her to unf all the dudes shes friends with, including me. personally idgaf but P got really pissed about it.

P said smth like "what did we say about not controlling women in relationships?" and like.. what? V is essentially controlling her boyfriend, so why can't he do the same? P just brushed it off tho bc V is an angel! and she could never do anything bad! her bf don't know that lol?

just like how i'm deffo not a love interest for her, everyone she makes him unfriend probably also isn't! maybe she got bad vibes or whatever that's ok! but god

also P used the r-slur when going off at V's boyfriend and that just rubbed me the wrong way. she's definitely "allowed" to use/reclaim it but it feels like an awful word, AND she was using it to insult someone which makes it even worse.

i feel like i can never disagree with P either bc she'll pull a "shut up ur a man" card. like- she's done that. she's done it as a joke but she'd deffo do it in a serious manner too-

also, i got into a fight- like- not a fight but i genuinely said smth really LOL i feel bad about it but P was shit talking me to xiya and then pulled up in my dms like Hey [me] i care aout you! You fucked up but it's ok u ust have to learn how to communicate

Like what is this? u can't tell me u care about me after spewing this shit into my girlfriends dms.

"i dont go out of my way to hurt people. he needs help lol" like bitch ik i need help. i did say the "joke" with intent to hurt V but it was in the MOMENT. yk how fucking frustrating it is explaining anger issues to someone who doesn't get it whatsofuckingever?

P has a load of her own issues that i dont ge tbut i at least TRY to understand her. also, first screenshot i wanetd to explain myself so V could see where im coming from?? LOL explaining ursef =/= makinf urself the victim.

i always overexplain shit, like my mistakes and why i think i made them. im also bad at explaining so i go on and on to try and make it make sense. i was literally blaming myself for hurting V and syaing sorry over and over again, how the hell was i making myself a victim?

[tekatonic]

About me and IDs

Hey uh if you thought you'd reblogged something recent of mine and it's gone, it's not just you, I deleted it. ( And if you saw me panic about it earlier... oof... but this is what that was about. )

Just thought I'd explain why.

Image descriptions are a real struggle for me, they've been extremely important for me to do since i started this blog, but I was self-sabotaging myself so bad over them. I just want to be inclusive, I feel like I HAVE to be, because "what if", right ? I know there's always a chance people that need IDs might come across my art posts. But I have pretty horrible emotional/energy/attention regulation and I'm also very unmotivated and lazy and I forget things. Because why would I want to agonize over writing long descriptive text when the next chapter of this fanfic seems so enticing ?

So the post I deleted was unfinished, I was working on describing the outfits yesterday but it was taking me so long and I thought I had the time today, which I did, but then i spent ALL DAY in bed reading a long fanfic ( which i still haven't finished ) on my phone. Obviously I kept forgetting about it until I let it post itself and realized how much I fucked up when i got my laptop out and checked my notes... abnormally large amount of them for something that was posted 30 minutes beforehand. The reblog tags made me painfully aware of people noting that it was unfinished. ( "no id?" has never made me feel more like a failure, i was/am in pain just remembering the tags existed )

It's not even the first time this has happened recently... well lesson learned : I am never scheduling an unfinished post ever again. My drafts are gonna get so crowded...