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addictedtostorytelling · 2 years ago

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Fellow aroace here! With Valentines Day coming up, I have a question.

Does all this shipping ever make you sad? It didn’t use to, for me. But the way you describe Grissom and Sara’s intimacy and comfort with each other is beautiful. They’re better, healthier people when they’re together…I don’t know. Our society isn’t really set up to find that outside of a sexual and romantic context. Has shipping influenced your perspective at all?

Please don’t answer if any part of this makes you uncomfortable : )

hi, fellow aroace anon!

i'm going to tuck my answer after the "keep reading" here, okay?

while i can't say the feeling has ever necessarily been connected to shipping for me, when i was in my twenties, i did experience a kind of mourning for the life i had always been conditioned to expect that i would lead, which i was just then starting to realize was an impossibility for me.

at that time, as i was coming to terms with my aroaceness, i felt heartache over the prospect of being so terminally alone; i was not only sad but even a bit angry that for whatever reason, my biology and/or psychology and/or conditioning had "saddled me" with this weird indisposition toward companionship. it seemed like nature's cruel joke.

not only did i have no interest in having sexual and/or romantic relationships, but i also was such a very private person that i didn't want even a roommate, much less any kind of platonic partnership, even if such a thing were available to me.

for whatever reason, i was "wired" toward complete solitude.

particularly as i watched my friends and siblings pairing off with long-term romantic partners, getting married, having children, etc., i very much had a sense of being on the outside of some of the most fundamentally human experiences looking in, knowing i was incapable of passing over that threshold myself.

i didn't want the sex or the romantic love, but i was also afraid that without them, i'd be lost, unmoored, forgotten about; somehow incomplete; inhuman.

i worried about what would become of me, not only in a more practical/utilitarian sense—who would take care of me when i was old?—but also in the more ethical sense of being concerned about my personal growth and character.

how could i be a full person, i wondered, if i didn't know those most sublime kinds of love, if i never experienced those kinds of intimacy?

there was almost a shame to it and definitely a great deal of fear.

it wasn't until i started to more critically examine some of my underlying assumptions about what i actually wanted for myself in my life and what kinds of things were meaningful to me personally that i realized that a lot of the sadness and anger and shame and fear that i had were inherited feelings, tied to how allo- and amatonormative society generally is.

for my whole life, i had been told that living and dying alone was the worst possible thing, and, frankly, it took a lot of work for me to start to disentangle my actual feelings from that deeply ingrained but ultimately false premise.

part of this process involved starting to live on my own and to carve out a life as a lone adult person sans a romantic partner. the more time i spent by myself, the more i realized how much i liked it.

the other part just involved growing more into myself and becoming more actualized as a person, which is something i think that a lot of people experience going into their thirties.

in time, i realized that i could still be a complete and fulfilled person without experiencing love for a romantic partner and/or child.

while there are plenty of people out there—including fictional ones, like grissom and sara—for whom those kinds of love are their raisons d'être (what is ultimately most edifying and motivating and fulfilling for them), i could draw my inspiration and satisfaction elsewhere.

and it isn't the same, i know.

i have had to come to terms with the fact that there is this whole huge swath of human experience that i will never access; an unknown country i'll never be able to claim the passport to visit.

but there are other things out there, too.

some people might look at my reasons and scoff at how quotidian they are—say that they are not the kinds of things that people write epic stories about, after the same fashion as romantic love.

i've had to learn to be okay with going against those norms and defying those expectations.

in my process of self-acceptance, i looked a lot to my grandmother, who had divorced my grandfather in her sixties and then spent the last three decades of her life living alone. she traveled extensively. researched and wrote the definitive biography on an obscure twentieth-century artist. supported her family members. undertook all sorts of artistic projects. made friends wherever she went. convinced every single one of her thirteen grandchildren that they were, individually, her favorite.

barring when she had guests, she went home to an empty house/apartment every night.

but her life was rich and meaningful.

she found edification in small things.

in her nineties, before she died, she told me that she was so glad to have had so much autonomy in her later life; that she actually reveled in it.

so i've tried to take a similar approach.

my vocation as a teacher and scholar of the arts has become very meaningful to me, as have my friendships, my commitment to being kind, my obligation to keep my dumb cat alive and happy, my identity as a storyteller and writer and a supportive sister and advocate for causes i'm passionate about, even just my role (however small) in making people smile with the pictures and stories i post to the internet.

a lot of people would look at my life and opine that what fills it isn't enough—and especially not to occupy me for the next forty or fifty years.

maybe time will prove them right.

but right now, i am able to find beauty in how i live. i am motivated to better myself. i enjoy living with no one except my cat and cultivating different forms of intimacy aside from the romantic, having different needs filled by different loved ones; "doing it by committee."

though occasionally i am still curious about what romantic love would really be like, most often, i tend to think that maybe the "unknown country" isn't actually so unknown to me after all. foreign as it is, it's still imaginable to me, at least, based on my experiences with other kinds of bonds, different affections.

that's why i can enjoy seeing it in stories.

that's why i can write about it in my fics, despite having never experienced it for myself.

sure, the attraction part i have to purely suppose about, but the parts about devotion, the parts about wanting good things for someone you care about, the parts about finding yourself inspired by someone else—those parts i understand enough, i think, to approximate.

and the rest of what i don't, i'm okay not knowing.

though i do still have some practical concerns about what the future will hold for me as an unpartnered person with no children, the older i get, the more i am not only okay with but genuinely happy in my orientation as an aroace person and contented with my lifestyle.

given the choice, i wouldn't want to be allosexual or to experience romantic attraction.

in my late thirties, i'm not sad to be who i am anymore.

now.

all of the above said, my journey is my journey alone, and i'm certainly not trying to insinuate that you or any other aroace person who does feel that kind of mournfulness is wrong to do so—and neither am i saying that it's something that can just be "grown out of" or that your feelings aren't valid/real.

while i do believe that society being so thoroughly allo- and amatonomative plays a big role in how we as aspec people feel about ourselves and our prospects, i also know that there are many in our communities who do legitimately grieve not being able to engage in sexual/romantic relationships not because that's what anyone has told them they should feel but because that's how they actually do feel, just within themselves.

not everyone can or will come to feel as comfortable in their identity as i have in mine. i know that for a lot people in the community, that regret of not being able to experience sexual attraction and/or romantic love is something that very much "lives where they live." they'll always wish that they could have it; always wish that they were different.

and that's not something light to bear.

i tend to be a very naturally solitary person, even just socially, beyond anything having to do with romance or not.

i like to joke that i am the hermit on the mountain—i love to have pilgrims come to visit me, but i am also totally at peace just chilling up there by myself.

but a lot of aroace folks—probably the majority of them, honestly—have greater social needs than i do. while they might not want romantic partners or spouses, they do long to share their lives somehow; to experience long-term, deep levels of intimacy with one or more people.

to have someone to come home to, as it were.

that's why a lot of aroace folks seek out queerplatonic relationships or surround themselves with platonic friends.

however, those options aren't necessarily either available or appealing to everyone.

like you say, it's not a simple thing to find deep connections outside of the realms of sex and romance.

it can be a very isolating experience, not having an interest in those kinds of intimacy. make it hard to come by companionship, even if one wants to.

so if that's where you are—

honestly, i can't tell you what you should do. the kind of self-examination that helped me come to terms with my situation may not work for you, particularly if you have more of an interest in forming intimate nonsexual and nonromantic social connections than i have, which it sounds like you might.

all i can tell you is that you have every right to curate your life—including how you interact with fandom.

as for the grissom and sara of it all, while they definitely draw their senses of purpose from and experience beauty and healing and growth in their romantic love for each other, theirs is just one kind of experience. there are other characters for whom "transcendence" comes from other sources than romantic love.

for example, catherine.

the same is absolutely true of real life people.

love stories are not only ubiquitous in fiction, but they are also often framed in such a way that they seem like the be-all and end-all in it, with the narrative coming to its culmination only when the characters get married "and live happily ever after."

but they're not the only stories there are.

and other happy endings are possible.

i won't pretend that finding guiding principles, sources of intimacy, motivations for self-betterment, a sense of fulfillment, etc. outside of what society would consider to be the "usual avenues" toward them is easy.

traveling less-frequently trodden ground never is.

but i do know for sure they are possible to find.

there is no one right way to be human.

and there are deep and real and wonderful loves out there—full passions!—that are not predicated on one's ability to experience sexual attraction or romance.

keep looking for yours, anon.

there's a lot of beautiful country out there for us aroaces to explore; parts unknown, just waiting to be mapped.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #about me

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unfoldingmoments · 1 year ago

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Suicide Notes

“I’ve been thinking about that ever since. Am I lucky? Am I lucky that I didn’t die? Am I lucky that, compared to the other kids here, my life doesn’t seem so bad? Maybe I am, but I have to say, I don’t feel lucky. For one thing, I’m stuck in this pit. And just because your life isn’t as awful as someone else’s, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. You can’t compare how you feel to the way other people feel. It just doesn’t work. What might look like the perfect life—or even an okay life—to you might not be so okay for the person living it.” “I'm still kind of a mess. But I think we all are. No one's got it all together. I don't think you ever do get it totally together. Probably if you did manage to do it you'd spontaneously combust. I think that's a law of nature. If you ever manage to become perfect, you have to die instantly before you ruin things for everyone else.” “No one in France cares if you tried to kill yourself. In fact, I think they like you better because you're all tragic.” “What are you scared of?” he asked me. I sighed really deeply, like it was totally hard for me to let my feelings out. “Everything,” I told him. “I’m scared of everything.” “Personally, I think they killed the bear because they were afraid of it. That’s what people do, kill the things they’re afraid of.” That sounds so weird: “kill yourself.” It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you. But killing someone is wrong, and I don’t think suicide is. It’s my life, right? I should be able to end it if I want to. I don’t think it’s a sin. Everyone seems obsessed with it, though. I mean, think about it. We keep people alive on death row just so we can kill them later. We put prisoners on suicide watch so they can’t do themselves in before we get the chance to put them on trial. That doesn’t make any sense. Why is it okay to put someone to death, but it’s not okay for those people to do it themselves? I’ll tell you what I think. I think it pisses people off when you kill yourself because it takes away their chance to control your life, even a little bit. They don’t like it when you end things the way you want to and don’t wait for the way it’s “supposed” to happen. What if suicide is the way it’s supposed to happen? Do they ever think of that? “How come someone always saves the people who try to kill themselves and then makes them tell everyone how sorry they are for ruining their evenings? I keep feeling like everyone wants me to apologize for something. But I’m not going to. I don’t have anything to apologize for. They’re the ones who screwed everything up. Not me. I didn’t ask to be saved.” “Trust me no matter how horrible you feel or how bad things seem, there is always a way out. Suicide is never your only option.” ― Michael Thomas Ford, Suicide Notes

#suicide #suicidenotes #book #michaelthomasford #quotes #bookquotes

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breashaw · 2 years ago

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This image shows how writing makes me feel free and open

-Pixabay images

How Writing Makes Me Feel

I have had to do a lot of writing in my life whether that is a research paper, an essay, a project, etc. I have never been asked the question until now, how does writing make you feel? This question stumped me for a while until I remember a time from eighth grade when I was feeling upset and wanted to let my emotions out. And you see, I have always been the type of person who is afraid to open up to people, or talk about anything that bothers me because I don't want to sound stupid or silly. So in eighth grade, I remember going into my notes app and just letting all my frustration and mad thoughts and feelings down. And after I was done writing those feelings, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. And those notes I wrote were just for myself and for no one else to look at. And the way I was writing my feelings down, and how it made me feel after, really stuck since. Now I could say that my first real experience of writing was in a little journal when I was in second grade. But I thought deeply about what experience really stuck with me and allowed for a “freeing” feeling. And here that feeling was my notes app. Another thing about my notes app writing, is yes I use it to write down my to-dos and my grocery list, but that's not the same feeling that writing your emotions down gives you. I tend to write in my notes when I'm upset mainly in the comfort of my own room. This is weird in a way because you can write in the app anytime you have your phone, which is all the time because my phone is practically glued to my hip.

I also tend to use my notes app when I am angry or upset at someone, and I want to say things in the heat of the moment, that I wouldn't want to say when I'm not mad. This would look like writing down what I want to say when I'm mad at the moment so that I am not saying it to the person directly. Writing allows me to communicate not only with other people but myself as well. Writing is important, especially when it can benefit the person to whom it is directly coming. To this day, I still use my notes app in the same ways for the same reasons. I wish I would have started writing in the app earlier than eighth grade, but I'm happy I started using it regardless. The last thing I would like to say is that I feel that this process of writing allows me to communicate better than I would be speaking, and this is for all the reasons I had listed above. I am not the best at speaking to people, especially in a confrontational way, and writing down what I say first allows me to proofread and double-check what I want to say. Which is so important to me. I will continue to write in my notes app and for expressing myself and my emotions. Maybe in the future, I will use other ways of writing for myself.

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twiceasfrustrating · 3 years ago

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I'm sorry if I already requested this of you I honestly have the memory of a walnut. But can I request headcannons of the boys + dia who find out MC has an emotionally abusive husband? Like fluff with some murder maybe?

thank you

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Characters: Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Diavolo (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)

Additional Tags: abusive relationship mentioned, some are a bit murdery, I don't know how to write fluff for such a situation but I tried

A/N: If you are in an abusive situation in the USA and need to speak to someone, please call 1-800-799-7233. If you cannot call, you can also text “START” to 88788. If it is safe for you, you can also go to the website directly. Abuse takes many forms, but it is always about control.

Feel free to add the numbers/contact for other countries if you have them.

Lucifer

He got upset at MC once and they flinched when he yelled and they started apologizing like there was no tomorrow. That was how he found out something was wrong. They wouldn’t say anything, but he could tell that something was deeply wrong. Perhaps he had never noticed before the formation of their pact how MC shuddered around him whenever he got upset, but now he did.

He is very careful not to yell again and when he does he is quick to lower his voice the second MC shows distress, reassuring them that he is not angry at them and would not harm them. It sounds almost hollow after how he acted when they originally met, but he means it.

There was one time MC dropped a dish on the floor while cooking and it broke, spilling hot food everywhere. They started picking up the pieces in a hurry, not even paying attention to how the hot shards burned and cut up their hands.

Lucifer was quick to pick them up off the ground and tend to the fresh injuries, all while they kept apologizing and saying that they would clean it up as soon as they could and saying they would make something else. Lucifer forbade them from doing either and cleaned the mess himself. He did that a lot. Took care of their ‘mistakes’ and cared for them. They would almost believe he wasn't the same terrifying man they had first met.

It takes a long time for MC to get used to their new relationship with Lucifer and once they do they are far more comfortable and less skittish.

He is not pressuring the story out of them. He can wait, as difficult as it is, for them to open up. However, he is no fool. He knows who is to blame, and that man should be very afraid should Lucifer and he ever meet.

Mammon

MC always spoke so well of their husband when they first met the brothers. Mammon was actually jealous and wished MC would talk about him that way. They would always say how kind their husband was and how he loved them and how he wanted the best for them. It sounded like some kind of cheesy romance novel.

Things started to get weird though when he and MC started to get even closer. He would invite them out, only to hear “I don’t think my husband would like that” or “I shouldn’t be alone with you”. It was weird the first time, but it quickly became a pattern. A very worrying pattern. Mammon knew abuse when he saw it. He was the family butt monkey and a witch punching bag, after all.

The difference is that he’s a fallen angel that is used to such treatment and, as a demon, the things done to him do very little in the long run. Humans are far more fragile though; their minds, bodies, and hearts. And then Mammon started to hate MC’s husband with a passion that could not be matched.

He cared less about making that bastard pay and more about taking care of MC. Such treatment can ruin a person, especially good people like MC. He would do anything to show them that they deserved better than that man, whatever that eventually meant.

Leviathan

He and MC have a little too much in common for his taste. It is actually almost disgusting how little self-worth they seem to have, but he can also see how that was trained into them.

They play down their worth a lot: “It’s nothing”, “It could be better”, “I failed again”, etc. They never say anything positive about themself. They are really good at picking out their flaws, but almost incapable of pointing out their merits.

It goes against everything Levi believes in, but he has to start praising them since they won’t praise themself. He likes hanging out with them, the stuff they make is nice, they are a really quick learner. It feels weird to praise someone, but it’s nice to see MC start to feel a little better about all the things they do.

Although, he also has the mild thought of showing MC’s husband that there are more terrifying things in the world than the horrors a human is capable of. After all, Levi has seen the monsters that dwell in the deep; he is one of those monsters and there is a reason humans fear the darkest depths.

Satan

There are some wonderful upsides to being the avatar of wrath. Normally, Satan wouldn't be so crass as to give into them, but sometimes humanity is just so vile that he can't help himself.

One of those upsides is a mind filled to the brim with the instinctual desire to rip and tear anything he can get his hands on to pieces. It's an instinct he fights off constantly with his centuries of training and self-discovery, but just this once he doesn't mind becoming the beast he was born as.

MC's husband squeals like a stuck pig throughout the entire night, only the winds, spiders, and Satan being able to hear and appreciate the sound. And appreciate it he does, until the screaming stops and his hands are drenched with blood.

He really needs to get himself cleaned off before he sees MC again, otherwise they will be terrified. He needs to look his best when they come running to him worried about their missing husband. It’s sad how much they worry about him despite everything.

Asmodeus

MC was always so calm and docile when he wanted to spend time with them. He didn’t really get it at first but it was easier to dress them up and take them out, so he didn’t question it. At least, not until someone (read: Solomon) not so subtly pointed out that it is unusual for someone to be so passive, almost to the point of being doll-like.

Asmo didn’t believe it at first. How could anyone treat someone as sweet as MC so cruelly, especially someone that is supposed to love them? But from that day onward, his eyes were opened up and he started to notice things.

The way they didn’t put forth their own opinions and let him take the lead on everything, how they stuck close to him when they both went out, the subtle way their fingers reached out then drew back when they liked something.

“Do you like it?” He would ask and their response was “do you?”

It was so difficult to get them to start putting their own wants and desires above what they thought he’d like. When they showed interest in something, he would fawn all over it. If they liked something, he liked it too. He would buy them things they even glanced casually at, told them they were worthwhile and lovely, anything that other man would never say to them.

He tore them down so completely, but Asmo would work tirelessly to build them back up.

Beelzebub

He is the softest man in the world, and sometimes MC just lets things slip out. He’s very easy to open up to and they don’t think about what they say. He was the first person that they opened up to about what was happening to them.

Suffice it to say, Beel was shocked when they mentioned how terrified they were for the exchange program to end. Despite everything that they had been through over the past year, they didn’t want to go back.

Beel had only felt so powerless one other time in his life. He couldn’t go with them to protect them and they couldn’t stay in the Devildom forever to stay safe. It was painfully cruel just how much he couldn’t help them.

All he could do was hold them and listen to them get everything off of their chest, dreading the day that the exchange program would end.

MC has to hurry up and learn how to summon him, because he wants to keep them safe from that awful situation. He would never allow another person it the world to hurt them again.

Belphegor

Belphie likes exactly one human in the three realms and every other one is none of his concern. Or, they wouldn’t be his concern if it weren’t for the fact that the one human he cared about was the victim of this particular instance.

He’s not like some of his other brothers. He doesn’t do comfort and he isn’t the best at torture, prefering to get everything over with quickly so he doesn’t have to expend all the extra energy. But, for such a special occasion, he is more than willing to put in the effort.

Humans really do create their own worst fears. Their minds run a mile a minute and they have the strangest way of finding how their own terrors can overpower what little defenses they have.

He may not be able to touch MC’s husband, but he can certainly return every slight against his favorite human. Long, sleepless nights wracked with unending horrors that only that man can truly appreciate.

All the while, he will gladly hold MC when their own nightmares overtake them, trying to put their mind at ease for just this moment. How he wished that his powers could control the waking world as well as their dreams...

Diavolo

“Don’t go back.” It was the first time Diavolo had brought up the idea. It was one he had been considering for a long time, knowing that it was extreme given that MC was a human and had to live in the human realm. However, he couldn’t live with himself knowing the kind of life MC would return to once they left.

The shouting, the insults, discarding everything MC liked because their husband doesn’t care for it… Diavolo would never feel right knowing he sent someone dear to him back there.

He had the means to help them get literally anywhere but back to that man. Diavolo could help set them free from that life, even if they didn’t want to stay in the Devildom. He knew MC would have the support of everyone they had met.

All they had to do was say yes and he would move the Devildom itself to get them out of there.

#obey me #dark fic #mine #request #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #swd obey me #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #headcanon #obey me headcanons

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jonesyjonesyjonesy · 3 years ago

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Hi! I'm currently writing a kinda weird fanfic that has a lot of Led Zeppelin influence. I'm a Jimmy fan but I really want to come at the story with some personality, perspective, and quirks of everyone. Of course, "I know" more about Jimjam. I was hoping you could give me some insight or advice about how to get more of Jonesy into my story. I've kinda already made a blunder in my rush of the intro because I really love writing and it's been a while, lol. Any help is appreciated, and thank you 😊

Oh 🥰 I could wax poetic on Mr. Jones all day! But I don't want to inundate you with too much that might not be helpful to you and your purposes.

He can be elusive when writing because he is just that: elusive.

If Zeppelin is light and shade, you can also see it as positive and negative space. And Jonesy fills in those cracks both musically and with his personality. He is the negative space and the trick with negative space is that it works by not being obvious. That's sort of the bass function in a 4-piece rock band and why it's so easily looked over by lots of casual music listeners (*ahem* plebians*).

I think that's a good way to start contextualizing him, especially if you're looking to contour your story with his presence. I doubt you have made a blunder, truly. After all, we are just working off of these "characters" who happen to be living, breathing individuals.

Here are just a few elements that I find fun when playing with Jonesy while writing:

Humor - He's both the master of dry humor and dad jokes. He gives me the impression that if he's the only one who laughs at the joke, it's still a good joke (i.e. telling people "star" backwards is "rats"...like okay king...). He doesn't say more than he needs to.

Perspective - Inherently, from his instrument and again, this idea of negative space, he is a watcher and a listener. He is perceptive and he probably sees and knows a lot more than he lets on. Unless he chooses to be oblivious to something. He is an only child and, as an only child myself, you become a watcher and pick up on a lot about how people act very quickly.

Ego - He's a cocky bastard. He knows he's talented and he isn't afraid to let anyone know he's talented, but he isn't bragadocious about it. It's very matter of fact. He's sees it as a tenant of who he is, an indisputable truth and consequently, can come off as acting superior or snobbish. He knows his job in the band, but he's still going to wear the glitter pants. The man isn't afraid to stand out, but he's not going to beg for it.

Loyalty - Romantically and professionally, he's a very loyal person. Now look, the man isn't a saint, I'm not here to purport such things, but there's something to be said that he's been married to his wife since the 60s. He's been quoted calling her his best friend on several occasions. Whatever they got, it worked. And there are multiple accounts of him getting ACTIVELY angry to the point of threatening violence when Zeppelin or its member's integrity and talent were questioned (if he would actually follow through, I don't believe he's got that chutzpah). If you look at his relationship with Bonzo, he'll always say he was the greatest drummer he ever worked with (Dave Grohl being the second greatest). His exclusion from the 90s projects, regardless of motivation for it, was deeply impactful for him. Zeppelin the monolith is more important to him than being a member of Zeppelin. In more modern contexts, he returns to his well of collaborators often.

DEAR GOD. THIS WASN'T CONCISE OR ANYTHING AT ALL. On a more fun fact note -

Enjoys reading and being in nature

is not terribly interested in flaunting wealth

the daddliest dad (daughter Jacinda helped him with lyrics for Scream For Help)

has been quoted saying "I like strong women" so i mean i'm pretty much deceased

his middle name is NOT Richard even though it says so on Wikipedia. There is an interview where he says he has no middle name.

is pretty private about his personal life

IS A PESCETARIAN AND HAS BEEN SINCE THE 70s

has extremely eclectic music taste but that's a given

...too much? Too little? Let me know if you need more my dear. I'm tagging @kyunisixx in case she'd like to add anything to this extensive list of traits (but perhaps that's overkill)

me talking and then realizing i've said way too much

happy writing dearest! may all your john paul jones dreams come true!

#writing john paul jones #the bassist not the sea captain #okay this was really fun #like...i just sat here and talked about my dude?#a blessing #john paul jones #ask #answered #writing #fanfiction #although...one in the same at this point #led zeppelin #jonesy #classic rock #jimmy page #robert plant #jpj #john bonham #jjj

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eligaxy · 4 years ago

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Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

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"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

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Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact scenario #venti x reader #venti x traveler #venti x lumine #venti x aether #el writes♡

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stormyoceans · 3 years ago

Note

Hey :) it is like half past one am in the night and I am totally NOT sober enough for this but you are the first person I've seen that made a post on Sean and Maithee from Star in my Mind (if there were others before, then I deeply apologise for neglecting that) and so I needed to unload some thoughts on them here (so sorry if this is weird or something and you can just ignore this ask but I love them even if we don't see enough of them and you already are the captain of one precious ghostship so maybe you also like other ghostships)

Because Sean is like really collected and calm and rational while Maithee is very open and generous in his actions and thoughts. And Maithee also screams "internal insecurities" to me. And I really like the thought of Maithee being a little defeated because he's the one that gets the least of Daonuea's attention but then Sean is always by his side and since Sean grounds him, he confides in him and then slowly but surely realises that that is the real thing that he seeks - comfort and closeness. And Sean might not be great at displaying emotions like liking someone but he is open in his communication and so they slowly find a rhythm that works for them until one day they just naturally get together because they're always gravitating towards the other.

Does this make sense? I don't know, I'm just a very invested fan-person that has had a little too much to drink. But I still wish you a nice weekend and hope I didn't bore you too much

let it be known you can always come talk to me about any ships you like and it will never be weird or bother me at all!!!!!!!!

i was actually so happy and excited to get your message because I LOVE SEAN AND MAITHEE SO MUCH OKAY and we're not getting much of them because sadly i don't think they actually planned for them to be a side pairing, but all the small bits and pieces of interaction we get between them are SO GOOD!!!!!! the way they bicker gives off such old married couple vibes and in this last episode they were literally FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER?????????? like maithee asked phoon to show him what flirty people do and when he saw phoon feeding nuea not only he DEMANDED to be fed by sean but when sean was like 'it's my birthday, you feed me' maithee put the snack IN HIS MOUTH for sean to eat????????!? HE WAS INSANE FOR IT not even phoon, who everyone knows is going after nuea, had the guts to do THAT!!!!!!!!!!! i guess the writers just thought it would be funny but all im getting from this scene is that THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER YOUR HONOR

also i agree with everything you said about them, especially about maithee having insecurities!!! he is such a goofball and a ray of sunshine, but usually those kind of characters are always the ones who hide their sadness and pain under a happy mask all the time, and i can definitely see him downplaying his feelings for nuea, acting like he doesn't care if nuea doesn't even consider him romantically and saying he wasn't even being that serious about nuea to begin with, but sean is the only person who sees behind all that and i can definitely see him taking maithee out for drinks to comfort him and tell him he doesn't always have to pretend he isn't hurting

and i mean, they're already great friends, but after that they just grow closer and closer until they realizes their own feelings for the other, and maybe at first they'd be afraid to mess up their friendship, but like you said sean is great at communication and he KNOWS (because he saw it with kluen and nuea) how messy things can get when you don't make your intentions clear, so in the end he would definitely confess to meithee and they'd become the most annoying boyfriends!!!!!!!! (they are definitely the 'aww babe you had a crush on me? that's embarrassing' 'we are married' 'still...')

ANYWAY sorry for rambling THE POINT IS!!!!!! that i love them and that if we can get a series about fah then i also need a series with seanmaithee as the main pair, papang moving on from nuea and falling in love with ting ting, and phoon getting the sweet boyfriend he deserves (maybe kluen's friend?? i.. cannot remember his name, my bad)

#im afraid im the one who's not making any sense and i also have not reread this so i apologize for my english #but yeah give me all the ghostships i will give them all the love #anyway hope you're gonna have a very nice weekend too and please remember to drink some water today!!#star in my mind #star in my mind the series #star and sky the series #seanmaithee #m: ask

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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years ago

Text

What I Thought About "Knock Knock Knockin' on Hooty's Door" from The Owl House

Wow. They are really pushing it for that secret message, huh?

Anywho--Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

I think it goes without saying at this point that Season Two of The Owl House is setting itself up as a season without filler. Now, filler episodes aren't always bad. Yes, it hurts when a series turns away from the main plot for a week. But at best, they're utilized as a chance for the writers to play around with the characters and developing said characters without it relating to the overarching story. So, some people who see that consider it a bad thing that a series doesn't have that many filler episodes.

I like to call those people: F**king morons.

Don't get me wrong, I see where some of you are coming from. And I'd be willing to agree...if The Owl House was a plot-driven series. Which it's not. It is a character-driven series. Because for every plot thread and narrative that the show presents, they always relate to the characters and develop them further each time these threads get brought up. For example, look at "Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty's Door" (It pains me just to write that). Several narratives move forward, and it’s all done to make the characters grow. And to explain how requires going into spoilers. So keep that in mind as you continue reading.

Now, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Hooty: Might as well start with the character that this episode is about.

To tell you the truth, I wasn't a huge fan when I found out we're getting a Hooty-centered episode. I've grown to love him over time, but he is a comedic character that's best used in small doses. Primarily due to how his voice is grating to me (My ears are still bleeding...). With that said, I do really love his contributions in "Knock Knock Knockin' on Hooty's Door" (Seriously, there couldn't have been a less awkward title?). Hooty's antics when trying to help everyone are as hilarious as they are heartwarming. He deeply cares for his friends but just doesn't understand how his plans could do some unintended harm, which is pretty lovable if you ask me. We also get some surprisingly great insight into his character, as he feels insecure about basically being the comic relief who doesn't really do that much other than being funny. Rarely do you get that level of dimension from a comedic character, and it's even more uncommon for that to work out as well as it does here. It once again proves just how competent the writing is in this series to the point where we get an episode about Hooty, and it's funny and heartwarming instead of being annoying. And whoever is responsible for that, you're the best.

Lilith’s Letter to Hooty: I mean it when I say that I love how Lilith kept her word about her and Hooty becoming penpals. Their friendship was something I would have never expected to love, and I'm still shocked that it works so well, so seeing it continue like this just warms me to the bone. Plus, it is pretty sweet that Lilith's kind words are what inspired Hooty to do what he's done in this episode...meaning it's Lilith we should thank here--SON OF A WITCH! Even when she's gone, she's still working her way into my heart!

King going through Puberty: What?! KING IS EVOLVING!

(There, I made a Pokemon reference. Do I get my cookie now?)

Eda Keeping Herself Awake to Train Herself: I'm willing to bet a large sum of money that this has everything to with Raine getting captured last week. If Eda was still the most powerful witch in the Isles, she might have actually saved them. But she isn't, and now the love of her life is in the clutches of a tyrant planning something that could potentially be the end of everything. So I can understand Eda pushing herself to her limit to get back on top again, as I would probably do the same. It's not healthy in any way, and Eda would be doing more harm than good. But when it comes to the people you love, logic doesn't always win out in the end.

Luz Wanting to Make her Way into Amity’s Heart by Making the Echo Mouse Happy: ...That's it. I Just...I just love everything about it, ok?

This was also when I knew that I was wrong to doubt that there would be zero Lumity in this episode. I realize my follies now, and I humbly apologize.

Hooty Teaching King About Demons: This was so funny. So, so funny. Probably doesn't come as a surprise, especially since The Owl House proves itself as a comedy before, but the jokes have never hit as frequently and as hard as they did here. From Hooty getting offended by King's dance to him and Dana's insert wanting a "DNA sample," everything managed to successfully make me lose my s**t. It does come at the expense of King suffering, but I can stomach that much more than if it were Eda or Luz. And, as a bonus, we get lore about how demons work, added with another great joke of King getting in trouble with Hooty for saying he already knows this stuff. Humor isn't always the show's strong suit, but when it works, it f**king works.

King Wanting to Know What he Is: But despite how funny King's vignette was, we still get to see more of his character grow. We learn that he's frustrated now that there's this big question mark over his life now, feeling extra angry that his father "abandoned" him to leave such a present mystery. It shows the hidden resentment he has that Lilith inadvertently brought out, made even worse when King's father hasn't responded to the video yet. King hasn't really gotten that much development until "Echoes of the Past," so it's pretty cool that the writers haven't really slowed down on it. Especially when it leads to these great moments of King venting his frustrations.

King’s Shouting Powers: KING learned FUS RO DAH!

(And now that's a Pokemon reference AND a Skyrim reference. WHERE'S MY GOSH DANG COOKIE!?)

Eda’s Nightmare: If King's vignette hits you hard with the laughs, Eda's will absolutely hit you harder with the feels (never make me say "feels" unironically again). Knowing that Eda's life got thoroughly screwed over by the curse is something we could figure out on her own. But seeing just how much the curse ruined her life and tore apart relationships that mean the world to her really does a swell job at ripping apart the soul. What's even more tragic is, technically speaking, it's all sort of Eda's fault too. She kept hiding the curse, refusing to be a burden to others who would do all they could to help. If she had only been open and honest, things probably wouldn't have changed much, but they most likely would have been better than they are now.

Eda Attacked her Father as the Owl Beast: ...I don't know what I was expecting when "Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances" hinted that there was some possible tension between Eda and her father...but it definitely wasn't this.

The fact that we see blood where his eye used to be doesn't make things any happier, either.

Raine Broke Up with Eda: Before we get into anything else, let's celebrate the fact that it's now confirmed that Eda and Raine really did use to date in the past. Because this show is just f**king phenomenal with its LGBTQA+ representation!

But, seriously, this is a fantastic reveal that goes far beyond just shipping...well, sort of. It shines a new light on Eda and Raine's interactions from last week, revealing that while they're not a couple anymore, they still very much love each other. It helps make their last interaction especially tragic, as they were both on the same page now and could very well be together again. Only for them to be forced apart for the second time in a way that's much worse than the first. And I frickin' adore that this series changes the impact of one episode one week later. Again, it shows just how competent these writers are, and kudos to them for making something so...perfect.

The Moon Person: WHO THE FU--Nope. Nope! We have more than enough mystery bulls**t to deal with through CreepyLuz and Philip Wittebane, so I am PUTTING YOU ON THE BACKBURNER FOR NOW!

(They're probably nothing more than a one-off character, anyway)

The Owl Beast and Eda are Connected: Through visuals alone, we, the audience, can clue into what the curse really means. The Owl Beast doesn't want to be a part of Eda as much as she doesn't want it to be a part of her. Whether they like it or not, and they very much don't, they're stuck together. The thing is, and this is what I love the most, they still decide to make the best of their situation rather than let it ruin their lives even more. This might be the best possible turn Eda's curse could have made. It'll still affect her, and there are probably more negatives than positives, but at least now, it's not the worst thing in the world. And I feel like that's all anyone can ask when in a position like her own.

Eda's “Pretty Dream”: I don't know what emotions are toiling inside me more with this moment. Awe and wonder over how beautiful Eda's dream is, or heartbreak over the implication that she has only had nightmares since getting cursed...I'm gonna say both. Yeah, it's definitely both.

Eda’s Harpie Form: Well, fan artists are gonna have a field day with this...especially the freaks.

(You know who you are. And you're weird!)

Luz Calling Amity a “Cotton-Candy Haired Goddess”: ...Have I ever mentioned how much I love this show?

Hooty Kidnapped Amity: ...Hooty, if your stupidity wasn't charming, I would be more than willing to call the authorities over how you kidnapped a girl in your version of a knapsack and locked her in the basement. For that is going to ring SO MANY alarm bells in people's heads.

Amity and Luz Stuck in a Tunnel of Love: *Smacks lips* Mmm. The adorable awkwardness of this moment is just *chef's kiss* magnifique!

Luz being afraid of getting made fun of:

Amity’s look of hope: I mean...just...f**king--LOOK AT HER:

That is the look of a girl who, while embarrassed as hell, still is ecstatic to learn for a brief moment, everything that she is hoping for has a high chance of being real. Who, in their right mind, wouldn't go "Aw!" at something so pure and innocent?!

Luz Destroying the Tunnel of Love: This is how to effectively utilize dramatic irony. The audience can understand why Luz is tearing the place apart because she explicitly states that she's afraid of Amity rejecting her in the end. They also know that's bogus, thus making it extra painful to watch Amity's heart break more and more with each second (which is perfectly represented through Amity's expressions). You feel bad for both of them, and even worse when you know that it can easily be prevented by the simple art of communication. That's what makes it great dramatic irony. Knowing the point of view of each character results in a scene that evokes emotions in two different ways.

Hooty’s Breakdown: This was...genuinely hard to watch. Not that it was badly written, far from it. It just...hurt seeing how destroyed Hooty was when he realized he failed the people he has such an admiration for. On the upside, a wholesome moment follows soon after as the Owl House gang tries to reassure Hooty that he's done a lot of good that night. It's a pure action that shows even though Hooty gets on their nerves all the time, they still care about him...damn it. I think I'm gonna cry.

Eda’s Advice for Luz: ...Eda...You're the best.

You found out that your surrogate daughter wants to ask a girl out, and not only were you quick to deliver the best possible advice ("Just go for it!"), but you also quickly reassure her that it doesn't need to be perfect.

And you know what? That's it. Eda is the best cartoon mom! She might not technically be Luz's mom, but I don't give a s**t because she is the best!

Luz and Amity Ask Each Other Out: Shh-sh-sh-sh...

Do you hear that?

...

...It's the sound of dozens of Lumity fans collectively losing their s**t...and I'm one of them.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

IT!

IS!

CANON!

AH-HAHAHAHAHA!

HOLY S**T! Holy s**t! Holy s**t...might just be the best way I could possibly describe this! Finally, after all the waiting, speculating, and praying, THESE TWO IDIOTS FINALLY GOT TOGETHER! AND IT WAS PERFECT! I mean, it was awkward as s**t, but that's what makes it perfect! You know why? You wanna--Hey! *snaps fingers*. You want to know why? It's because they're teenagers. Of f**king course, it's going to be awkward! This is their first relationship, so there will be a lot of missteps along the way. And that, in itself, brings me to the best (second best part?) thing about it happening in episode eight of the new seasons. Most endgame couples get together in the climax or even at the end of the series. But to have them get together this early on, means there will be quite a few episodes dedicated to showing them grow as a couple.

And better than that--EVEN F**KING BETTER THAN THAT--dozens of kids are going to see these two, a realistic depiction of young love that just so happens to involve two girls, and are going to learn once and for all that there is nothing wrong with being who they are. That fact alone is f**king incredible. Yes, it sucks that season three got cut short, and we'll have even less time with Luz and Amity, but knowing how many kids have felt seen today almost makes it worth it in the end.

And if I see one mother f**ker saying this was poorly paced, I might just hunt them down for SPORT...Sorry if that was an overreaction. I'M JUST SO HAPPY! Because they're happy! Look at them. Listen to them! It's so...GAH-HAHAHA!

“They’re adorable! And deserve all the happiness!”: You're darn right, Hooty! You're darn right.

King’s Father(?) Shows Up: What the--WHAT?! They're doing this now?! Here?! After everything else?

Oh, man. What could this mean? What dynamic changes will this cause in the main cast? How could the writers fit this in during the next two episodes? And what--

Hooty Eats the Letter: ...Pfffft--HAHAHAHA!

Oh, man...I should be mad, and I wouldn't blame others if they are...but that is too much of a brilliant f**k you that I can't help but appreciate it. Bravo writers. Bravo.

WHAT I DISLIKED

...Dislikes? Dislikes? You would honestly believe that after everything I witnessed in this episode, that I would have the gull to list anything wrong with it?!

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME THAT I WOULD BE SO CALLUS TO--Actually, I do kind of have an issue with the episode's title. It's just too much of an awkward mouthful for me to get behind. I understand that the writers wanted to sneak the K into the secret message, but were there really no other titles starting with K that they couldn't come up with?

But that's just a personal issue, and in no way do I think anybody else would feel the same way. Especially with how well-written everything else is anyway.

IN CONCLUSION

"Knock Knock Knockin' on Hooty's Door" (title aside) is another A+ episode. It was hilarious, heart-wrenching, and downright adorable while keeping me entertained with every minute. I'm sure there are some issues I was willing to ignore due to how expertly written everything else was, but why bother looking for the chinks in the armor when I could just enjoy a perfect episode for being so...perfect! Some of you might be willing to disagree with me, but to that, I say: Don't knock it till you've tried it.

(Now, if you don't excuse me, I'm going to go lie down. It's...It's been a day.)

#the owl house #the owl house season 2 #the owl house reviews #the owl house spoilers #toh spoilers #toh hooty #king clawthorne #eda clawthorne #raeda #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #lumity is canon #what i thought about

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lorirwritesfanfic · 3 years ago

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About reader's feedback

I made a post about encouraging people to comment or reblog on fics a while ago, but I think some of the people who reblogged it kinda missed my point about it, so here's some clarification.

When a fanfic writer states in their fics "comments and reblogs are appreciated", I think some of them immediately imagine the nice kind of comment, A.K.A. the one the reader mentions the parts they like, asks questions about something, makes a compliment about an specific part and even quote their favorite part. I know it because I always hope to get them. They give me chills, feels and even motivation. But I try not to have high expectations. After all, most of the time, I don't get that super duper awesome review.

I stand by my word again when I say no one is obligated to give their feedback about everything they read (especially if they don't have something good to say). Sounds like I'm sabotaging my work, right? I'm not. And I'm going to tell you why:

Sometimes the reader isn't good with words: I know it's sucks to get just a like or a reblog without a single "great work", "I love it" or even a bunch of emojis or gifs, but not everyone knows how to express how they feel. I remember a post created by one of my followers who felt the need to explain why she didn't make any comments and she said she was afraid the writer would find it stupid or irrelevant. Lots of people said she was wrong (which is sort of true), but why try to force her to say something if she feels insecure about it? Not every single person is good with words. But if their likes, reblogs and asks are constantly in your notes tab, trust me. They like your work;

Most likely, only your friends will make a huge essay about your fic: Same way not everyone feels like they're good with words, not everyone will feel confident to express their feelings about your work because they're not close to you. Speaking from personal experience, I'm pretty closed off and sometimes I can come across as weird, antisocial, intimidating (not kidding, I've heard those more than once), so I understand if people don't feel comfortable about making a long review about what they think of my series. And it's fine. I'm grateful for their comments anyway.

There are different forms of expressing how they like a story that doesn't include a review. The ones I usually get are:

The reblogs with gifs: I love those. Especially because some gifs are are masterpieces 😂 No, it isn't the same as a detailed description of the reader's opinion, but they're still expressing how the feel about the story and sometimes it's so funny. So good! I stan people who "comment" with gifs.

The reblogs with emojis: So much fun! I like them. Once again, a very nice form of expressing how they felt. It's not as creative as posting gifs. But if a reader left a few emojis in a comment or reblog, depending on what they post, you can assume if they really read it and they let the author know how they felt about the story, right?

Gifts based on the story: is there anything sweeter than a person reaching out to say "hey, I really love your story so I made this" and then you're blessed with a lovely moodboard, a fanart, a playlist for your ship, a picrew of the characters in your story? They probably won't do it every single time you post a story, but it's still adorable and deeply appreciated.

Now about the likes. I completely understand why any content creator on Tumblr hates them and it's more than "likes don't get my work seen by other people". Likes can mean different things for people. Some use the likes tab as a way to save things for later. Others might hit the button as "this is cool, but not reblog worthy" (oof...). And there's that number of people who don't know what to say and hit like because they don't know what else to do. Yet, there are other ways to express how you feel about a work that don't require making an essay about it. Try them. (btw, I'm not saying that you shouldn't. By all means, if you have a lot of feelings about a story, do tell the author)

I'm still not going to take the "if you like it, reblog it" road. But if you can and if you feel like it, show some appreciation to your favorite fandom creators. Amidst all the fandom drama and disappointment with canon, they're the only ones who care about keeping the fandom alive.

#lori rambles #fanfiction #readers feedback

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katsidhe · 4 years ago

Note

could you share the descriptions of the answers? I'm bad at answering these quizzes cause I always get like 3 answers that fit but in different circumstances so I like seeing all of the descriptions

Yeah sure! I too wish uquiz gave an option to see all the result descriptions... alas.

anyway here’s a wall of text, go nuts.

DEAN-CODED DEAN GIRL

You might just be the hero of a YA fantasy novel or an action movie, because you have Big Protag Energy. You’re self-centered and extremely giving at the same time: you expect and demand absolute loyalty, just as you provide the same. Your love can move mountains, but if you’re not careful that same love can be suffocating or controlling. You’re volatile: you’ll cut a bitch and you don’t care who knows it. You’ll kick their ass. You’ll kick their dog’s ass. You’ll kick your own ass. You have a one-liner for every occasion. Your friends like you but would describe you as “a lot.” You’re magnetic: your charisma and sheer bull-headedness mean you stand out in every room. You’re polarizing, and you know it, but that doesn’t bother you: you know you’re right, and even when you’re wrong, you’re at least entertaining. You’re very “do as I say, not as I do:” you’re a bit of a hypocrite, but, like, in a fun way.

Holotypes include: Dean Winchester (Supernatural), Thomas Jefferson (Hamilton), Sirius Black (Harry Potter), Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager), Katara (ATLA), Vriska Serket (Homestuck)

DEAN-CODED SAM GIRL

You are a charmer and a people-pleaser. You’re charismatic to a fault, when you want to be: whether consciously or not, you have a razor-keen sense of how others see you, and you mold yourself to expectations. You can either talk circles around most people, or you come across as so fundamentally honest that you gain everyone’s trust without trying. Your affable persona is built on a rock-solid sense of purpose. You have a steadfast, deadset fixation on your goals, which you know in your heart to be worth any cost and any sacrifice. Armed with iron conviction, you’re a rebel with a cause. Is it paranoia if they really are all out to get you? When you inevitably win, the whole world will know your name. Your strong sense of self will carry you through any hardship. Your friends look up to you, but they don’t always “get” you.

Holotypes include: Lucifer (Supernatural), Eponine (Les Mis), Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Prince Zuko (ATLA), Samwise Gamgee (LOTR), Karkat Vantas (Homestuck)

DEAN-CODED CAS GIRL

Like all Dean-coded people, you are charming and affable, and you talk a big game. You might be the class clown or a popular athlete, or otherwise one of them cool kids, but underlying that public persona is a certain quiet idealism. You keep your strong convictions close to your heart, even when far from home or beset by strife. You’re fiercely loyal and you crave being around people, but you can see when your friends need space, and you can get along okay on your own. You’re not afraid to change your opinions if new information comes to light. Strangers find you easy to get along with: you tend to go along with the group, and you’re a team player no matter what needs to get done. Your chill-to-pull ratio is sky-high.

Holotypes include: Ahsoka (Star Wars), Meg (Supernatural), Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson), Ginny Weasley (Harry Potter), Boromir (LOTR), Jon Snow (Game of Thrones)

SAM-CODED DEAN GIRL

You come across as level headed, but you’re never more than an inch from going off the rails. Your highest values are love and personal loyalty, but you’re pragmatic about it, and you try very hard not to put unfair expectations on other people, with varying degrees of success. You spend a lot of time dealing with expectations; it’s something you either grapple with, or lean into to use to your own ends. You value your own sense of identity, but that identity can get subsumed by your loyalties. You can easily get pulled in or suborned by strong personalities. You keep secrets, both from yourself and from others. Who you want to be is at odds with how you see yourself. People meeting you for the first time might say you’re aloof. You have lots of strong opinions, but you usually keep them to yourself… unless provoked. Careful; you bite.

Holotypes include: Mary Winchester (Supernatural), Harry Potter (Harry Potter), Aragorn (LOTR), Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars), Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games)

SAM-CODED SAM GIRL

Gifted kid (diagnosis). You were and maybe still are an outsider, and because of that you’ve had to learn to be self-sufficient and confident in your own abilities. You’re a fiercely independent overachiever, and you’ve fought hard for every inch. Somewhere inside you is a hot, long simmering rage born from the injustice of the world, but it’s buried very deep. You’d be more than content to be alone for long periods of time. You have sometimes crippling perfectionism: if you aren’t succeeding, it’s your fault for not trying hard enough. You’ll pick every kind of intellectual fight and throw yourself into playing devil’s advocate just to improve your understanding: you see the gray areas in everything. You’re aggressively big-picture. You want to, no, you MUST change the universe, but you don’t need to take credit for it. Your few friends might describe you as callous, but you know you’re just being realistic: you’ve got a harsh, clear-eyed sense of the world. No pain, no gain, and really, if you do the math, no single individual is all that important in the grand scheme of things.

Holotypes include: Kevin Tran (Supernatural), Jean Valjean (Les Miserables), Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars), Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter), Frodo Baggins (LOTR), Dirk Strider (Homestuck), Luke Castellan (Percy Jackson)

SAM-CODED CAS GIRL

You have a strong sense of how the world ought to be, but you have no overriding vision or big master plan: you take life day by day to fix the little things you can. You have very few close relationships, but those you have you treasure dearly. You support your few friends unconditionally, but you tend to be emotionally distant with acquaintances. You may be a bit of a pushover. You often find yourself put in the position of mediator. You loathe conflict, so you avoid it unless absolutely necessary--but once you’re truly angry, you’ll stop at nothing to see justice done. You’re a diplomat and an advocate: you are deeply idealistic, but you’re nevertheless strongly grounded in a pragmatic sense of achieving what you can. Philosophy is action, action is philosophy; you like meditation and self-improvement and have probably done at least one juice cleanse. Both friends and strangers describe you as quietly dependable. If you can’t see the trauma, the trauma can’t see you! That’s just science!

Holotypes include: Sam Winchester (Supernatural), BJ Hunnicut (M*A*S*H), Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Aang (ATLA), Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson)

CAS-CODED DEAN GIRL

Much of your identity is tied up in a set of core beliefs - to the point where those beliefs might be strong enough to override your identity. You’re not beholden to any outside system. If you’re comfortable serving a larger common goal, it’s because you believe in it wholeheartedly. You’re action-oriented: you act first, and think later, or possibly never. You judge your friends solely based on what they do, and you tend to hold people accountable for any unforeseen consequences of their choices. You have strong personal loyalties. You’re not at the center of your social circle, but your friends trust you implicitly and the leader of your group tends to confide in you. You don’t seek power, but you’re also not afraid of taking charge, and you may find power thrust upon you. If you do find yourself in a position of leadership, you struggle with going too far or taking your friends in an unexpected direction. Whether you’re fighting in a war or making yourself a sandwich, you go hard in the motherfuckin’ paint.

Holotypes include: Castiel (Supernatural), Javert (Les Miserables), Captain Rex (Star Wars), Kanaya Maryam (Homestuck), Worf (Star Trek), Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)

CAS-CODED SAM GIRL

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you’re a bit weird. You are spacey or odd or otherwise out of step with how people think you should act, but that’s fine. It doesn’t matter what they think, because if you’re sure of one thing, it’s that you should never mold your unique identity to other people’s expectations. You live internally: you’re all about grand, world-changing concepts, whether they be philosophical, artistic, or mathematical. You are grounded in the reality that you are one person and one viewpoint among many others, but that doesn’t stop you from writing your nine-hundred page thesis on the topic you’re passionate about. You can justify just about anything by the virtue of your personal convictions arising almost entirely from within yourself. Your identity can get swept up in your big ideas. You’re easier to sway with logic than with emotion, but you don’t feel the need to confine yourself with such terms: you operate on both vibes and flowcharts. You move through the world with the assurance that you are the master of your own fate, and you are unburdened by worrying about the opinions of others. You won’t let yourself feel pinned down by one social group; you float in and out comfortably, depending on how you’re feeling. Friends and strangers describe you as “spooky.”

Holotypes include: Azazel (Supernatural), Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter), Aaron Burr (Hamilton), Princess Azula (ATLA), Yoda (Star Wars), Jadzia Dax (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Terezi Pyrope (Homestuck)

CAS-CODED CAS GIRL

You are chaotic and excitable. You’re swayed by the drive to explore: the greatest good is to understand the universe and your place in it. You’ve got big ideas, and you’re drawn to new experiences, but you don’t necessarily understand what’s going on. You might be a part of a bigger social machine, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be defined on its terms: you’ll self-actualize if it kills you. You identify new objects by licking them. You can see the strings of the world; what will you choose? You’ll take the reins and see where they take you. You say you’re following your own path. Your friends say you don’t know what you’re doing. Pragmatism? Never heard of her. A dream is a vision is a reality; ideas are the world writ large. You might be a prophet or a visionary. With your head in the clouds, you’re sometimes divorced from both reality and consequences. You’re usually on the outside looking in, and you don’t want to be. People think they understand you, but they definitely don’t. Your friends and enemies describe you as impulsive and mysterious.

Holotypes include: Raphael (Supernatural), Uncle Iroh (ATLA), Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars), Gandalf (LOTR)

#x coded y girl #i speaks #my quiz #long post for ts #why doesn't uquiz give that as an option?#and while we're at it why won't uquiz let me click one button to read all the text box responses ppl gave me :(#aromanticbristlefrost

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mrs-dynamight · 4 years ago

Text

Be Nice To Me 5

Part 4.

*************************************************

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Swearing, steamy make out session (borderline porn but not really), mentions of other couples form 1A

Chapter: 5/?

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 3.9k

Author's note: This is sooo long, but I loved writing it, I deeply suggest you listen to the song of the title (here). I'm honestly living my coming-of-age indie kid fantasy with this chapter, as always any suggestion is welcomed.

Chapter 5 First Day of my Life- Bright Eyes

Thank to every single Deity that my weekend was packed with internship work so I didn’t have a minute to think about the emotions bubbling up in my heart and my mind, I came to my room exhausted and directly to sleep.

I didn’t talk to any of my friends that weekend, I had a couple of texts from the groupchats, in one of them there were unresolved questions about my date with Katsuki, and on the other one were the flashes for the Fridays gig and good luck wishes to Bakugo who was going to leave the morning after the show, so they planned a goodbye party in the dorms after the gig, Aizawa surprisingly agreed but under any circumstances we were allowed to having alcohol or any other illicit activity inside the UA facilities, not like that could’ve stopped my favourite trio of dumbasses, Mina, Denki and Sero were already planning on smuggle some liquor to the dorms, that was going to be one epic night.

Monday morning finally came, and as much I would love to just spend the day in my bed sleeping and watching Tiktok I needed education, my muscles were sore of the whole weekend roaming the city with Mirko, who seemed unable to getting tired, but I stilled reunited the forces to get dressed, brush my teeth and tried to look like a decent human being, emphasis in the tried part.

As I climbed down the stairs to the common room for a bite of whatever was in the fridge, I saw a beautiful ash blonde guy drinking his usual morning juice with protein powder.

-Morning Draw, you look like shit-

-Well you look handsome as ever ‘Tsuki, thanks for the kind words of the day, you know how to make a woman start the week in the best way possible- I replied while heading to the kitchen

-But seriously what is that Bunny forcing you to do on weekends? Crack? -

I didn’t reply but instead I just blowed him a kiss and start munching on a toast with excessive amount of jam, Tsuyu and Ochako were eating cereal next to Deku, the three of them saw my whole interaction with Katsuki with those weird eyes that just screamed “marry him already”, I told them I had to talk to them, and they all agreed that lunch time with Tenya and Shoto were the gossip time of choice, I waited for the girls to finish eating and we headed class.

------------------------------------

-YOU TWO FINALLY KISSED?!?- Ochako screamed with excitement

-Is he a good kisser? - Asked Deku pulling out his notebook in the “Kachaan” section

-How’s that relevant to the hero notebook? – I asked Deku

-Wait, isn’t he going to another country on Saturday? –

-Well yes Tenya, that’s the other thing I wanted to talk you guys about-

Then I started to explain the whole predicament of waiting for him and his words about that.

-Wow did he really said that having a girlfriend would be a distraction? - said Tsuyu with a concerned look on her face

I didn’t really thought about that harsh phrase, but it was Bakugo, right? He always says things that hurt other people’s feelings, that’s just him

-He sounded honest, but he shouldn’t have hurt your feelings like that-

-It didn’t hurt my feelings, Shoto, I’m used to him saying things like that all the time-

-That can’t be good Y/N, you can’t just get used to people hurting you, especially if you want to have a relationship, and a long-distance one, where things usually get a little tougher- Said Ochako

-I would consider wait for him to return Y/N, so that way you can both be clear about what you expect for each other- Deku said hiding his face in the Katsudon plate in front of him

I wanted to talk to them about what happened with Denki, but I was afraid they just said that I was overthinking, we’ve always been very close friends; but so were they, why was I so reluctant to talk about me and Denki? Maybe saying it out loud could somehow make it more real.

We finished our lunch and headed to class, the rest of the day went pretty neutral, as well as the rest of the week, but the thought of Bakugo leaving haunted me, he didn’t said or did anything special, we didn’t talked about our kiss or our lovely words, it was like it didn’t happen at all, we came back to being just friends. Denki was purposely avoiding me, I could notice it, anytime I wanted to talk to him he just made up some excuse and leave quickly, the rest of the Bakusquad was busy with the whole party preparations and the Dekusquad was as lovely as always, they told me a million times in that week that they will be there for me no matter what I choose to do; as for me, I was just as confused as Monday morning.

I didn’t wanna go to the party, or the gig, I just wanted to go to my room, listen to sad music, and feel pity for myself until I ceased to exist, but it was definitely off limits, I promised Denki I would go with him to the soundcheck, there was only this last one class, but I wasn’t really in the mood for maths, so I decided the best for me was head back to the dorms and stop thinking so much about everything, missing a class wouldn’t kill me.

When my life crumbles down there is only one thing in the whole world that could make me feel better, and that is loud music, so there I was, headphones to the max, airplane mode on, eyes closed and mouthing every word like a prayer, I felt like every lyric was washing away my worries and doubts, reassuring me that everything was (not) okay, I was so concentrated in my music I didn’t heard the knocking on my door, and didn’t heard a certain blonde calling my name, it was until I felt a big hand in my shoulder that I realized that Bakugo wasn’t in class either, but in my dorm room, with a worried face.

-Fucking dumbass, why aren’t you in class? You’re going to fail math, again-

-I wasn’t feeling like going to class- I said with a bit of guilt, it probably sounded like a lame ass excuse, but at least it was the truth

-Not feeling like going to class? What the fuck do you think this is, a game? Math is your worst subject and if you fail I won’t be here to tutoring you, you can’t fail-

He was worried, I could tell, he just turned every emotion in pure acidic rage, not like knowing this would make his words hurt less, I didn’t want to admit that the thought of being far from him made my heart ache and my eyes water, and it didn’t help the lack of contact of the week, I was looking forward to another one of his tender kisses, or any sign that what happened last Friday was real

-I’m hurt Katsuki, a week ago it seemed like you wanted to be with me, despite everything and this past days you were acting like nothing happened, I don’t know what to think or what to do, I don’t know what's going on with you, how are you feeling, you don’t say anything, you don’t do anything, you just hide your feelings away in your cocoon of rage-

-See, that is exactly why I didn’t want to kiss you in the first place, I knew it would only lead to problems, that’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you I liked you before going away, I knew you would react like this, I told you the truth, I can’t be your Boyfriend, I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings-

And surprisingly I found myself inside his big arms in a tight hug, his face hiding in the crook of my neck, I put my arms around his slim waist and we just stayed there for a solid ten minutes before breaking the contact.

-I don’t want this to hurt you Y/N, I can’t be with you right now, I can’t give you what you need, and as I told you the other night, I don’t want you wasting your time waiting for me-

-I don’t wanna let you go ‘Tsuki- I said with tears in my eyes

-You won’t, think it like this, if this is meant to be, and I know it is, when we see each other again, in a better place, in a better time, it will happen. I don’t know where or when, but I promise you we will be together, but please don’t throw your life away waiting for me-

- That sounded as if we were breaking up-

-We aren’t, this is only the beginning, I promise-

I was being selfish, it was obvious that this was also hurting him, he was being mature and caring, thinking about what was good for the both of us, before the things we wanted, maybe he was right, this was meant to be, just not right now, right person wrong time troupe right, but with a happy ending, right?

That was one of the most bittersweets moments in my life, I was happy to know that Bakugo thought about us as endgame, just like I did, we were still young, we had plenty of time, all the time in the world, I shouldn’t have worried about his feelings, he told me I should never doubt that he liked me, and I was willing to make that compromise.

-Let’s have a good time tonight, ‘Tsuki, for what I know, tomorrow you could be kissing some European woman and forgetting our promise-

-You get jealous that easy, Draw? Already afraid you’d lose me, huh? - He said with a smirk on his face and getting closer to me

I swallowed with nervousness, but I didn’t break the visual contact

-Aren’t you afraid I fall for another guy in the meanwhile? -

-You’ll have to find someone better than me first, and we both know there isn’t such thing, and besides that, you’re not mine, I don’t owe you, I only own the feelings you have for me, and as long as those exist I’ll do everything to be with you. So, that’s a no, I don’t care about any other guy- He said with his lips softly brushing against mines -But right now, I want to be the only thing in your mind- And saying those words he kissed me.

He wasn’t being gentle like the last time we kissed, there was a hunger, a neediness within his kiss, he wasn’t being rough tho, but I could feel the burning intensity in his movements. He pulled apart and looked into my eyes for any sign of discomfort, but when he met my half lidded gaze filled with love, he slammed his lips against mines one more time, his tongue brushed my lips asking for consent to enter my mouth, to which I responded opening it just enough for him to start moving it, massaging it with my own with a rhythmic pace, his hands travelled down to my hips, it seemed like he wasn’t nervous at all, but I on the contrary was almost shaking, we broke the heated kiss with flushy cheeks and sweaty hands, I looked into his eyes and I could see the lust behind his crimson irises. A million questions started bubbling in my mind, does this means he want to have sex with me? Right here and now? He must have noticed the concerned look in my face because his next words were

-Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, sorry if it was too much-

-It wasn’t, it’s just I’ve never, I mean I haven’t… have you? – I asked with an obvious blush on my cheeks

-Just once, it wasn’t bad, but I figured out it could have been better if it was with someone I loved, like you. We don’t have to do anything tho, I just wanted to kiss you-

A strange relief passed my body, he didn’t want me to give myself to him in this exact moment, and I was glad for it, as much as I loved him I felt like this wasn’t the right moment for it, but I still wanted to do other things with him, I mean, this was his last day in the UA, and my first time making out with somebody, we still had a few of hours before the soundcheck. I lead him to my bed and pushed him into it so he could be sitting.

-Y/N are you sure you want to do this? – He wanted to be sure that there was no pressure in doing anything I didn’t want to

-We don’t have to go all the way in, I just want to make sure you feel loved and have fun on your last day, and besides, we already missed math class- And just as this last words escaped my lips I sat in his lap and started kissing his cheekbones softly, his hands went from his sides to my hips as he started to plant open mouth kisses in my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

-And what about you? You want to feel loved too? – He said against my ear, nibbing at the lobe, I nodded softly, closing my eyes and giving myself in to the feeling of his strong hands in my body, his raspy voice in my ear and the feeling of his lust between my legs.

Our heated make out session made me forgot everything I had in my mind, I was only focused in Bakugo, I couldn’t even began to explain how loved he was making me feel in that moment.

-I have to go packing, but I really like your lips, see my problem here? – He said with a sigh, after a while -I’m actually not in the mood for a party tonight, I would rather having a good night of sleep-

-You’re so boring ‘Tsuki, you sound like an old man with two divorces who is starting to get bald-

-‘Tch, would you rather seeing me drunk and staying up late and doing dumb shit I’ll regret about when I sober up like the rest of those losers? –

-Yes! Only this one time, before you have to go away, let’s get drunk and watch the sunrise, then I could go on with my life in peace-

- Ugh and being hungover in a 7-hour fly? Really, that is your idea of a last night with me? –

I tried to make the best puppy eyes I could as I just said “pretty please” in the most dramatic way possible.

-UGH fine, but don’t you forget that you owe me something for being a fucking loser in Mario Kart-

-Anything for you ‘Tsuki- I said while planting a kiss on his cheek

With a smirk on his face he told me he would tell me what he wanted right before leaving, and I was okay with that, we said goodbye with one last kiss and he went to his dorm room to finish packing. Then I remembered I had my phone on Airplane mode, as I deactivated it I saw a bunch of unread messages, most of them were from my concerned friends asking if I were okay, I answered in the dekusquad groupchat that everything was fine, and immediately they began asking questions about Bakugo and me being both missing math class, I replied a single smiling emoji and they knew we were together. Denki messaged me about ten minutes ago “Hey Y/N I can’t wait for you to come to the soundcheck with me” followed by a cursed image of someone T-posing on top of a drumset, I couldn’t help but laugh, and I replied with an even more cursed image.

-------------------------------------------------------

I was in Denkis car, Katy Perry blasting through the speakers and Denki and I having a carpool karaoke singing Last Friday Night like our life depended on it, it felt like he hasn’t being avoiding me all week, there we were laughing and having a good time. The soundcheck was actually really funny, Jirou who is usually very quiet was obviously the leader, giving orders here and there, I wasn’t completely alone while the band was getting ready to perform, Momo was an official member of the band but she didn’t continue playing with them, but she never missed one of Jirous’ performances, they were obviously very much in love, I couldn’t help to notice the way she looked at Jirou the whole time, and I wondered if that was the same way I looked at Bakugo, I remembered the words that Tsuyu said to me, does everyone knew I was in love with Denki?...

Shit, my mind pictured Denki when my train of though was about Bakugo; it probably were because I was watching Denki plugging his guitar and waving at me at that exact same moment, or did I really thought of Denki when I was thinking about love? A feel of guilt started to build in my heart, just a few hours ago I was making out with Bakugo, and now I was watching Denki going different directions with cables and amplifiers and I couldn’t help but feel like I was in love with him. Momo probably noticed my worried expression because she asked me if everything was right, I just had to lie and tell her that I was okay when in reality I was panicking, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in my face like the actresses do in every movie to calm themselves down, and apparently it worked, so with more confidence I walked out of the bathroom. When I came back to the table Momo and I were sharing I noticed that people were starting to arrive, I sat next to Momo again and tried to have a casual conversation about school, training, internships and just normal student stuff when I felt a well-known pair of hands covering my eyes.

-Hi Denki- I said as I chucked

-How did you knew it was me? – He genuinely asked

-How couldn’t I? -

-Hey Kaminari, we’re starting in ten- Said Jirou planting a kiss in her girlfriends’ lips

Bakugo arrived just in that exact same moment, I almost forgot he was also going to perform, I didn’t know how to act with other people around us, I wanted to kiss him, but I also didn’t want Denki to see it, I couldn’t help but feel like an awful person for my last thought.

-Hey Draw, long time no see you- Said Bakugo like his tongue wasn’t on my throat a few hours ago

I flipped him off with a smile and blowed him a kiss and continued talking with Denki about who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark, we were currently discussing how long the bear could hold his breath, I turned my head to look at Bakugo and he was already staring at us with the saddest expression I’ve ever seen, and as he noticed my eyes on him he changed it to his usual annoyed one

-You two are the dumbest persons I know- He said, giving us one of his angry looks

-Guys, we’re up- Said Tokoyami grabbing his guitar pick and heading to the stage

-Break a leg guys! - Said Momo giving Jirou one last good luck kiss

Bakugo winked an eye to me and went to the stage without saying anything, my eyes followed his figure to the stage when a sudden voice in my ear made me jump a little bit

-Keep your eyes on me- Whispered Denki in my ear before planting a kiss on my cheek

They started the show, the powerful voice of Jirou quickly caught everyone’s attention, they gotten better over the years, you could tell they were in their prime, usually my eyes were always fixed in the blonde drummer, but tonight they were mesmerized with Denkis fingers skilfully playing with his guitar chords, pearls of sweat in his forehead, a big smile on his face, and golden eyes all over me, he looked perfect.

Suddenly I began to notice everything the boy did, every time his voice intertwined with Jirous’ for a perfect harmony, every movement looked so natural and… sexy? I didn’t noticed I was holding my breath until I heard Shotos’ voice next to me, trying to be heard over the noise coming from stage

-Sorry we’re late, Tenya got lost-

I heard it, but my mind was somewhere else, it was in Denkis’ Kaminari palm. It was almost an hour of absolute bliss, without a single thought crossing my mind just the image of the boy in front of me. I heard the last song of their setlist and prepared for the usual announcement of the end of the show but instead they all waved and came down from stage, all except one, Denkis’ voice was a little shaky when he spoke on the microphone:

-Hi everybody! Thank you so much for coming today, hope you’re doing alright, now we don’t usually do this, but you’ll see, tonight is a very special night, the last one for a while because we’re going to be drummerless tomorrow morning, sooo anyways, I would like to sing a very special song for a very special someone who is here with us tonight, she’s just everything to me, Y/N this is for you-

I felt like I was on fire, the rush of blood went straight to my cheeks, I was suddenly shaking with nervousness, my palms were sweating and I swore everyone could hear my heartbeat, I didn’t wanted to look away from Denki, but I could feel my friends eyes on me. Was this actually happening? The first chords of Denkis’ acoustic guitar confirmed that it wasn’t a dream, his soft voice drowned every other sound, suddenly everything else went dark, it was only the two of us. I paid attention to the words he was saying, he was pouring his heart out, in front of everyone, for me

"Yours was the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you"

This was a love song; Denki was telling me he loved me with every syllable coming out of his mouth and every note from his guitar

"And so I thought I'd let you know

Yeah, these things take forever, I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home"

It was perfect, I couldn’t help but tearing up, nobody has ever done something remotely as romantic as this, he sounded so sincere, so drunk with affection, he was obviously nervous, but his eyes were fixed on me

"I'm glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery.

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me."

The last strumming of his guitar vanished in the air, and suddenly everything went back to normal, the people around us, the noises, the shocked faces in my friends faces, and the absence of Bakugo.

************************************************

Wowowow this was an emotional rollercoster, but what can I say I love drama, thanks to @warrior-princess1 for proof-reading this

Taglist: @mikasalt

#bakugou imagine #bakugou fic #bakugou headcanons #bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou x you #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #denki imagine #denki x you #denki x y/n #denki angst #denki x reader #denki x female reader #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #mha smut #bnha fanfiction #bnha x y/n #bakugou smut

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edwardsmate4ever · 4 years ago

Text

The Phone Call

Note: This outtake is a companion piece to Chapter 4 of Visions Interrupted, but it can be read as a standalone too. What happened when Bella called Rosalie in Breaking Dawn?

Read it on AO3 or FFN, or just read it here!

The Phone Call

Emmett POV

“I might be...pregnant.”

I listened to Edward get on the line, his voice panicked as he questioned Carlisle whether such a thing was even possible.

Bella’s pregnant? Damn, son, what?

First thing that crossed my mind was whoa! Edward must have some super spunk or something. Was he some kind of undiscovered sex god? No fucking way. That kid was a hundred and he never even kissed a girl until Bella. He had absolutely nothing on me. If anyone was a sex god; it was definitely Emmett McCarty Cullen. This whole concept was kinda blowing my mind. Maybe Edward didn’t have to be a sex god, maybe any male vampire could do it. Maybe I had super spunk too, and if Rosalie were human… Could I have done that to her?

But Rosalie wasn’t human, and I couldn’t knock her up. A baby was the only thing she ever wanted in the world. And now, of all people, Edward was getting one. My girl was not going to be happy about this. Turning around to look where she stood behind my seat on the couch, I saw a motionless statue. Her face was a mask, but her stillness told me everything I needed to know. This wasn’t just angry Rosalie. I knew how to handle angry Rosalie. No, this was the face that scared me. This was jealousy and rage and hurt all rolled into one, and I never knew exactly what to do when she got like that. My girl was roiling[1] inside, and when she came back to herself, she was liable to bolt any second.

When he hung up the phone, Carlisle turned to look at the four of us. The look of panic on his face rocked me to the core. This man was unshakeable, and here he was, completely at a loss for what to do. The others felt it too, and my anxiety spiked with all of theirs before I felt Jasper try to calm us. He wasn’t that effective though since he was just as fucked up over this revelation. We all stared at each other for a few moments before Rosalie sprang to life. She crossed the room, heading for the door. “I’ve got to get Esme,” she murmured before taking off at a run. I was pretty sure that was an excuse. I knew she was hurting and she wanted to be alone. But I also knew that even though she always said she wanted to be alone, sometimes she actually wanted someone to hold her and tell her everything would be all right. I was pretty sure this was one of those times, so I followed her out the door.

I caught up to her quickly, and when I was a few yards away from her, she turned and fell into my arms. I clutched her to me, wrapping her up in one of my famous bear hugs. Pretty sure I’d hugged everyone in my family this way at least once when they felt really low, so I knew from experience it would help. And it did; her body went slack against mine, and she wept tearlessly on my shoulder. I buried my face in her hair, my own still heart in my throat.

Having her own family was what Rosalie was longing for when she died, and that desire held strong into her second life. How many times had I desperately wished I could give her everything she wanted? It was damned hard knowing I could never fill that hole in her life, that it would eternally hurt for her. The fact that Bella was going to experience what she so desperately wanted was devastating. She already didn’t like Bella for choosing to give up her humanity. On top of that, now she was going to get the only thing Rosalie ever wanted and could never have.

Pulling back from her, I swiped away her phantom tears with my thumbs and brushed her hair away from her face, bringing my hands back around to gently cup her face. “Rosie,” I whispered. “Let’s leave. We don’t have to stay here. We don’t have to watch.”

My girl inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled, steadying herself, and I could feel the last of the tension leave her body. “Yes,” she said. “That’s perfect. I think we should leave immediately. They’ll understand if we disappear.”

I nodded. They all knew what this would do to Rosie. They’d probably encourage us to go. Crooking an eyebrow at her, I offered, “Denali?”

“At first, yes,” she said, nodding thoughtfully. “But then let’s find a place we’ve never been and go there.”

“I love it,” I assured her. This was going to be awesome. Get away from all of this, just the two of us. As much as I enjoyed Bella’s presence in our family, the girl brought a lot of drama with her everywhere she went.

As she gave me a shaky smile, her phone began to ring. It was a jarring and unexpected sound at that moment, and it startled us both. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and read the caller ID on the screen.

“Edward?” she exclaimed. “Why the hell is Edward calling me?” She sounded pissed off, and frankly, I kinda felt that way too. Unfortunately, it wasn't that weird to imagine Edward rubbing this in her face in some way. Sometimes that teenage assholery just came out of him, I think without him even realizing it. At least, not until it was too late. Edward was capable of some pretty cruel shit, but I didn’t think he would sink that low. This was probably really important if he was calling her now, when he knew goddamn well she would be upset.

“Aren’t you going to answer it?” I prodded.

She huffed. “I can’t imagine I want to hear anything he has to say.”

“Just answer it, Rose. If he’s calling you now, it has to be important.”

Knowing I was right and hating it, she flipped open the phone, pressing it to her ear, and begrudgingly answered, “Hello?”

“Rosalie?” The voice was definitely not Edward’s. “It's Bella. Please, I need you to help me.”

She wanted Rosalie’s help? Our gazes locked, and my girl’s eyes were just as wide and shocked as mine were. “What do you need, Bella?” she asked warily.

Bella’s voice was hurried and whisper-quiet. I had to really focus to hear her end of the call. “Please, Edward’s afraid. He thinks it's bad, that it’s going to hurt me. He wants to kill our baby. He'll do it too—Carlisle is on his side. I want to keep it, Rosalie. The baby is good—I feel it. I know I can count on you to understand.”

Rosalie’s eyes widened even larger which I really didn’t think was possible. But her eyes never left mine. I watched as fear turned to resolve, pushing aside all doubt and confusion. “Yes, Bella,” she said firmly. “I'll help you. You can count on me.”

“Thank you,” Bella whispered with reverence, then she quickly said, “I've got to go," and the line went dead.

Slowly, Rosalie closed her phone and slid it carefully back in her pocket. Our eyes were still locked and I'm sure my doubts showed in them. I didn't like this. It wasn't going to be good for my girl's psyche. “Rosalie, we were leaving...”

“I know, Emmett. But weren’t you listening to Carlisle and Edward’s phone conversation a few minutes ago?”

I shrugged and shook my head. “No, I was distracted by Edward’s super spunk.”

She rolled her eyes like a champ, but a smile crept onto her face. She couldn't resist my dumb jokes; no one could. It was my superpower. She quickly sobered though. “Seriously, Emmett. They were talking about aborting it. They think it’s a demon or something. They want to kill that baby, and I won’t stand by and let it happen. Bella wants me to help her keep it. She knows I’m not afraid to stand up to them. I won’t let them strong-arm her.”

“But babe, you hate her.”

“We’re not friends, and I don’t like her. But this isn’t about Bella and me, or about me trying to get back at Carlisle and Edward, this is about standing up for someone who can’t stand up for themselves. Standing up for something I wholeheartedly agree with, and she knows that. She didn’t call me because we’re BFFs. If she wanted that, she would have called Alice. What Bella wants is to keep her baby, and she knows I will protect this baby at any cost.”

“But Rosie, what if this isn’t really a baby?” I tried reasoning with her. “I mean, I don’t know if a human and a vampire can have a real baby.”

Rosalie shrugged. “If Bella thinks it is, that’s good enough for me.”

I was really afraid this whole experience was going to break my girl, but she was committed. I knew better than to think she would be swayed. Still, I tried one last-ditch effort. “Edward will fight you. Carlisle will too.”

“No, they won't, because I have you to protect me.”

“Of course you do, babe,” I said and wrapped her up in a hug so she wouldn’t see my face ‘cause I wasn’t so sure I wanted to fight them on this. I thought they were probably onto something with this whole monster thing. No way did that petrified, rehydrated vampire spunk create a baby like Rosalie and Bella were thinking it would be. Edward’s spunk was from 1918 and vampified! That can’t be a good thing.

“Come on. Let's tell Esme,” Rosalie said, pulling away and grabbing my arm, unaware that I was having a crisis of morality over here. “She'll be on our side.”

Only I wasn't so sure I was on her side. As we ran to the cottage, I did my best to compartmentalize my emotions. I had to put the scared and nervous feelings in a box, and pull out the strong and stoic bodyguard persona. I wasn’t used to covering up my emotions. No point with an empath in the house.

Empath, telepath, fortuneteller—all the gifteds thought they owned the place. And the worst part was that the two of us and Carlisle and Esme encouraged their egos by being lazy and relying on their gifts too much. Me and Rosie felt like second-class citizens in our own family a lot of the time. That was one of the reasons why we honeymooned so often and for so long—it was just more relaxing not having to watch everything we said, or did, or felt, or thought even.

Now, instead of getting away and feeling every fucked-up emotion that Rose had every right to feel, she was going to have to gracefully face it all head on. Although, I supposed it was possible there really was a baby inside Bella, and if Rosalie was able to help Bella keep it, maybe Bella would let her help raise it. And that was it—the light bulb moment. I knew then that was the reason Rosalie agreed, as painful as her emotions were. Because in the end, there was a chance Rosalie would get her wish, the baby she always wanted. Even if Bella had to die for her to get it. And I was going to have to stand by and support them, no matter what happened, whether it sat well in my stomach or not. I loved Rosie and only wanted her happiness. After the circumstances of her human death, she needed to be able to trust me fully if our relationship was ever going to work, and I always told Rosalie I’d do anything for her. But this? This was tough to swallow and went against everything my head was telling me was right. My head knew this was wrong, but my heart was dedicated to my Rosie, and I would stand by my vow to give her the world, even if I didn’t like it.

The cottage was in sight and Esme stepped out to meet us, a smile on her face that quickly faded as she took in our dark expressions.

“What’s going on?” she asked, worry clouding her normally easy tone.

Rosalie just laid it out on the table. “Bella’s pregnant, Edward wants to kill it, but she wants to keep it.”

Esme’s mouth dropped open. “Pregnant? How?” Then she gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. “Oh! You don’t think she and Jacob…”

“Wow, Esme. I’m surprised you took it there,” I praised her, holding my hand up for a high five, which she did not return, leaving me hanging.

“You’re worse than Emmett. Too many soap operas and reality shows,” Rosalie teased her. “But seriously, no, Edward’s the father. He and Carlisle want to take it out of her. But she called me, Esme. Bella stole Edward’s phone and called me when she had a few minutes alone. She asked me to help her protect it. She's afraid of what they'll do.”

Esme gasped again with shock and she looked like she might faint if that were possible. But when I saw that same resolve I saw in Rosalie’s eyes forming in Esme’s face, I knew Esme was on ‘our’ side. She was thinking baby, not monster, just like Rosalie. The possibility that it was anything other than a baby probably never even crossed her mind.

“Will you help her?” Esme asked Rosalie.

“I told Bella I would, and I will. It's her choice, not theirs, and I’ll fight for her right to carry this baby. Will you help me?”

Esme stood up straighter, her chin jutting forward. “Of course I will.”

“Do you think you can convince Carlisle not to abort?”

“I do.” No hesitation. Of course not. Carlisle would do anything for her, just like I was doing for Rosie.

“Perfect. We have to act like nothing is up when we get back to the house. Edward doesn’t know she asked for help—it was a covert move. We have to act like there’s nothing amiss.”

“No problem.”

Apparently, I wasn’t going to be consulted. It was clear that my opinion didn’t matter. They never once even looked at me as they plotted. I was a man, so I had no say in this. I was only needed as a shield, and that’s what I’d be. Anything to make Rosie happy, to get her the only thing she ever wanted. What kind of mate would I be if I didn’t? Still, my conscience was eating at me, not sure what this thing was going to end up doing to Bella. She was pretty fragile. What if she ended up dying? What would that do to my brother? Would he hate me forever for standing by my mate? This shit was fucked up, and the only thing clear to me was how long we’d been gone.

“Ladies,” I interrupted. “We should probably get back. We’ve been gone a while now. We were only supposed to be telling you what happened and bringing you back. The phone call took some time.” I didn’t mention Rosalie’s breakdown, and she shot me a grateful look.

“Well, if anyone asks, we’ll say I got upset, and you two had to talk me down. That sounds like a plausible explanation for why we’ve been gone for a while, doesn’t it?” Rosalie and I both nodded. “Good, let’s go then.” With that, the three of us raced off to the main house to face whatever came next, bound to protect what some of our family was bent on destroying.

Extra special thanks to @palmofafreezinghand for being an awesome beta for this and VI

#Emmett Cullen #Emmett POV #emmett x rosalie #breaking dawn #missing moment #outtake #twilight #twilight fanfiction #look at this gorgeous man

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maybe-your-left · 4 years ago

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A Case In Need: Control Freak

Here is a link to my Masterlist that has all the chapters and my WIP!

TW/CW: NSFW, allusions to violence, drinking, and some breath play! Ren’s a nasty boy and FUCK is it good.

Also super sorry about it being a while since I updated, I just started some new anti depressants and they threw me for a loop but I'm back on track now and feeling better than ever.

It had been two weeks since Ren had bought you your ‘gifts’.

Scratch that.

Two weeks since a giant monster of a man had removed you from your home, took away your valuables, hid your favorite blanket somewhere, he wouldn’t say where, and gave you a full swat team of bodyguards whenever you were out of his sight. Two full fucking weeks since he started keeping tabs on where you were, what you were doing, and who you were with.

It was exhausting being his ‘lover’. If you could still be classified as that, it was starting to feel like a hostage situation, whenever the two of you weren’t in the office together he would send you texts or phone calls that you were required to answer. He had even gotten a spare cell phone to call you from so it was separate from his personal calls, and you presumed to keep Rey oblivious. Which oddly enough had been working, she had really no idea what was going on. She would visit him at work throughout the day and give him a small kiss on the cheek and always insisted on hugging you before leaving. At some point, she must’ve hounded him for your phone number because now here you were meeting her for lunch hours after Ren left your, ‘our’ as he liked to call it, apartment.

Before he left he had laid out an outfit for you to wear along with an outline of talking points you were ‘allowed’ to bring up with her during the lunch. You had rolled your eyes at him and ensured that you weren’t going to reveal anything to her, you didn’t really want your relationship with Ren to end. You just were getting tired of the short leash he kept you on. After getting dressed, and inspected by Ren, he had pulled you into a long slow kiss and whispered in your ear, “I’ll miss you Angel,” and then he was gone.

Huffing you messed with your hair a little more and straightened out the dress he had chosen for you. Even though he was being a psychopath for control you were surprised to see that he was being generous in the gifts he bought you. The day after moving Ren had taken you to a couture mall in Manhattan and lavished you with thousands of dollars worth of clothes, jewelry, and home goods. He had insisted on keeping the house in a monotone color scheme but he did budge on your wardrobe, he knew that you liked having some pops of color and truth be told you noticed that he enjoyed, a little too much, the baby pink sets you chose at the lingerie stores. He had even gone so far to get you a custom made necklace* that was engraved with his initials, with a ruby inlay, that he wanted you to wear all the time.

Grabbing your purse and slipping on your black strappy heels you heard your phone go off. You searched your purse for the damned contraption, even though it was a small bag it was almost like a Mary Poppins never-ending abyss when you threw things in it. Jingling out your keys you locked the front door and made it down the steps and finally snatched out the phone.

Vicrul and Ushar will be escorting you today. Don’t be difficult with them or you’ll be in trouble.

Ugh, he was never going to let you live that down. You stood outside and waited for their black SUV to pull up while you contemplated messaging him back. You didn’t really feel the need to be escorted to lunch with Rey, wouldn’t she think it’s weird that her husband’s men were driving you? Did she get escorted like that with the other beastie boys? It’s not like you weren’t fond of them, truth be told you liked the guys, they were always posted outside your house when Ren was gone. Usually, it was Ushar who took care of you unless it was a super public gathering then one of the other men would join in. But it had been a while since Vircul had watched you, the last time Ren had let them take you to a spa to get your nails and hair done and you had been in a bratty mood. One thing had led to another and it ended with you screaming that you were being ‘attacked’ because the men would not fucking stop hovering. The spa did not think it was funny however and Ren had to bribe the police officers who were 100% ready to arrest Vicrul because he was pinning you to the salon chair.

The black SUV slinked up to the sidewalk and out of the passenger side came Ushar. “Hello Miss (Y/N),” he opened the back door for you, “Confirming that you are headed to lunch with Lady Ren?”.

“Yes Ushar,” you rolled your eyes behind your sunglasses, “He already said I could go.” The men always did this with you, whenever he was gone they would double, even triple-check that you knew where you were going and any special instructions Ren had laid out for you. It was almost like you were a child stuck in the middle of a custody battle, each side was trying to make sure you knew all the rules and what you were allowed to say or do, it was getting really old.

“Hi Vic,” you cooed trying to get a rise out of him, “It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

Vicrul let out a low chuckle, “Not long enough Angel, not long enough.”

You hummed back at him and settled in so they could whisk you away to probably the worst lunch of your life. You decided to play nice and shoot Ren a text to let him know you were with the guys, but you also wanted to push his buttons.

Don’t worry Daddy. I’ll play nice.

The drive took a little over fifteen minutes, Vicrul parked up front and Ushar quickly opened your door and held his elbow out for you to take. You grabbed it, thankful for the support since you weren’t sure what to expect. The two of you began into the large building, with Vic jogging up close behind. Climbing into the elevator you noticed the other patrons were scooting away from you. Being as you were a small woman being flanked by two men who looked like they wrestled bears for a living, it was a natural response. Most people had hopped off before you hit the rooftop for your ‘date’.

Stepping out you scanned the area and immediately noticed another hulking group of men in pitch black suits. Ahh, so the others are here too, of course, Rey would have her own guards. You let the guys lead the way and soon you were a group of six men hovering by the hostess stand. Looking around you couldn’t find Rey, she wasn’t any smaller than you, she hadn't gotten far especially with four guys flanking her…

“Ugh there you are!” she squealed before pulling you into a tight hug, effectively pinning your arms to your sides. “I thought you got lost, Kylo told me he sent the Knights to come get you but I was so afraid you stood me up!”

“The Knights,” you whispered, still in her boney clutches.

��Yes, the Knights,” she released you and grabbed your hands in hers, “They are the bodyguards we use!”

Oh. The Knights. That’s what Ren called them, well it made sense, they were fucking huge and seemed like they did anything for their ‘master’.

“Are you ready to eat? I got us a lovely table out on the balcony,” Rey smiled at you.

“Oh yes, of course,” you tried to match her enthusiasm, “Let’s go.”

-----

After the two of you were seated the Knights had flanked you both on your sides, leaving about a 6-foot circle for the waiter and other servers to talk to you.

“So (Y/N),” Rey grinned at you, “How are you liking work? Kylo says you’re doing an excellent job.”

You blushed, “Oh thank you, he’s never mentioned that.”

“Oh, that’s just because he’s bad at giving affection, we’ve been married for almost 10 years and he still rarely says ‘I love you”,” she giggled and started drinking her cosmo. What an awkward turn this lunch had gone, and right at the fucking beginning. It didn’t shock you that Ren was weird with affection and compliments in front of people but you assumed that after ten years he would at least show something toward Rey. Your heart sank, what if he never returned feelings to you? You had been seeing each other for almost a month, and even though you knew it was wrong, you had started feeling ‘feelings’ for him. The PDA was okay, you weren’t a huge fan of it, but even at the mall he had held your hand and kissed your forehead when you found something he liked. It was strange and new for you, and being told that he wasn’t like that with his wife made you ill.

“Let’s talk about something else,” you spit out, “Sorry, it’s just I’m at work all week so maybe we talk about something different?”

“Oh of course,” she took another swig of her drink, “I can’t tell you the last time I hung out with a girlfriend.” another drink, “Probably since before I got married!”

“What?”

“It’s true,” she sighed.

“What do you do all day then?”

“This and that,” she motioned for the waiter to get her another, “Usually I go and play tennis at the country clubs, join in at the book club I’m a part of, you know domestic things.” She looked almost sad, you wondered if Ren was the reason she had nothing to do, or maybe she was just that boring.

“Well,” you tried to soothe her, “What do you like to do?”

She inhaled deeply and looked out at the skyline, “I really enjoyed being in school. Learning, reading, doing something. But I don’t anymore, women in my situation aren’t expected to have those kinds of hobbies.”

“Situation?”

“You know,” she looked back at you and dabbed her lash line, “Being married to a powerful man, I’m expected to hold a certain standard.” She sniffled and you resisted the urge to reach across the table until one single rule from the outline stood out in your mind, ‘Under no circumstance are you to soothe her, she is dramatic at times and I don’t need you falling into a trap’.

A server thankfully interrupted your pity party, leaving your dishes and a quick message about ‘if you need anything else just call’. Rey had seemed to reign herself back in and turned back to you with her trademark smile.

“What about you?”

“Oh um,” you paused to bite into your salad, “I don’t really do much. I usually go out to bars and stuff on weekends. Or my friends and I have wine and cheese nights!” You smiled at her, it had been about two weeks since your last meeting. Finn and Rose were super confused when you told them you moved but you convinced them that with your new salary you could afford some new things. You actually were supposed to meet them in a couple of days at your new apartment for drinking.

“Ugh that sounds so fun,” Rey almost screamed, maybe she was drinking too much. You weren’t sure what her tolerance was but you were sure that Ren probably monitored her drinking. “I used to do that in college with one of my friends.”

“Oh? Where did you go to college?”

“The same one as you!” she squealed, “Sorry, I saw on your resume where you went to school. I’m pretty sure we were in the same class.”

“Oh no shit,” you giggled back at her, you tried to remember if you knew her. The only people you hung around were Finn and Rose, sometimes Poe who had moved across the country after graduating. He was the ambitious one out of the group, he had joined the Air Force before school and became a pilot.

Rey started giggling uncontrollably, you could feel the Knights start to shift towards her. Especially Vicrul who seemed to be keeping a very sharp eye on her. “Yeah, we both used to hang out with Rose,” she said over her glass.

You froze. Rose? Your Rose? How did she know her? You were sure Rose didn’t know Rey, and if she had wouldn’t you have known Rey too. Now all the Knights were closing in on you two, you could feel the mood shifting to a topic Ren probably didn’t want you to have. “How… How do you know Rose?”

“Oh, it was way back when,” she flung her hand out to somehow calm you, “back when I was hooking up with this guy Finn.”

“I think that’s enough Lady Ren,” Vicrul grunted while reaching for her drink.

“Hey,” she shouted, “I’m a grown woman Vic. I can drink whatever I want!” She was starting to cause a scene, you turned and noticed other patrons looking your way. And what a sight it was, little Rey holding a half drank cosmo as high as she could away from the Knights.

Vicrul got closer to her and almost growled, “Don’t make me call him.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, “Do it, pussy.”

And then all hell broke loose, Rey had launched from the table, effectively throwing her drink on Vicrul. In her haste she had also thrown the food all over you, your pretty new dress now soiled by the salmon salad you ordered. Ushar had rushed to your side and grabbed you by the shoulders and was attempting to pull you from the scene. But you couldn’t just sit and watch, Rey was sobbing and screaming at Vircul to let go of her, even going as far to bite his arm that corralled her to his chest. You couldn’t help but cry too, this poor woman, she was truly a prisoner. She had so many friends at some point, maybe even was your friend, and then she was thrown into a world she didn’t seem to enjoy with a husband who only cared about her appearance.

Suddenly everything stopped, the Knights were silent and lined up by the table, aside from Ushar and Vicrul. You swallowed your tears and you heard footsteps. Slow and methodical steps coming towards you. Waves of dread began to fill your stomach while the aura of danger was licking between your legs. You cowered into Ushar’s chest, you didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to be at the end of his wrath.

“How strange it is,” he boomed from your left side, “that here, in our favorite restaurant, you decide to make a scene.” He stalked towards Rey, slow steps, each one growing louder than the last. He had his hands clasped behind his back and although you couldn’t see his face you knew that it was tense. You could practically hear his jaw popping in and out of place. He cracked his knuckles before bringing his hands up to his neck. “I expected more from you,” he spat out and began to crack his neck. Each pop was like a nail in Rey’s coffin, you couldn’t help the little whimper that rose from your throat which caught his attention.

Ren whipped around and was in front of you instantly. His fists clenched at his sides and his breathing shallow. He was waiting for you to meet his gaze, almost taunting you to stare back. You gulped and squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want him to blame you, if he would just calm down you could explain what she had said, no one had told you that she got so emotional when she had cocktails. It wasn’t in the outline briefing he had given you this morning. So really it was his fault.

“Take her away,” he snarled at Ushar, who suddenly picked you up and rushed you out of the restaurant. Peeking over his shoulder you witnessed Ren closing in on Rey. When the elevator doors shut you hoped that the pained screaming you heard wasn’t what you thought they were.

The drive back was silent. Neither you nor Ushar said a word. You barely remembered to breathe, you were petrified. How could lunch have gone so wrong so fast? You just wanted to get to know her, get an understanding of who she was. You didn’t think she was going to launch into a speech about how much she hated her life. And what was the whole Finn and Rose thing about? Not once had they mentioned that they knew her, other than when Finn told you about the Ren incident. But you didn’t think that meant Rey and Finn hooked up in college. It was all too familiar and uncomfortable, you needed answers and unfortunately, there was only one person who could give them to you.

-----

You waited. Paced, bit your nails in anticipation for him to come to you. He hadn’t told you this morning when he would be back, but he always would come around in the evening to drop off food and watch a movie with you. Or give you feedback on something at work, or fuck you on any surface he could find. But he never stayed too long, which should be normal, he did have a wife who would probably be suspicious if he was gone overnight.

After about 5 hours you had decided that he wasn’t coming. So you stripped down and started a bath, throwing in a black glitter bath bomb that was supposed to help soothe the body and soul. After it was just the right temperature you grabbed a glass of wine and turned on some Netflix to drown out your wandering brain. Sinking in you enjoyed the stillness, you didn’t get this luxury at your old apartment and now you were being spoiled rotten with all these new features. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you could live somewhere like this, or wear the clothes that you had hanging in the closet. You hummed to yourself and started drinking and began to be lulled to sleep by the sounds of Fraiser coming from your laptop.

You were pulled from your sleep to the sound of a door slamming shut. Followed by grunting which you assumed was someone taking off their shoes, and another series of slamming noises. Guess someone decided to pay you a visit, you groaned and drank some more of your wine, preparing for his royal asshole to grace you with his presence.

You heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, your master bedroom doors swinging open and closed until the man, the myth, the legend, was now standing in your bathroom. Fully clothed aside from his shoes being gone. “Well hi,” you said to him.

He grunted at you and made his way into ‘his closet’, which was filled with clothes of his own that he bought on your shopping trip. He reemerged completely naked with a black robe draped over his forearm.

“Why is the water black,” he grumbled before swinging a leg across from you.

“What do you think you’re doing Ren?”

“Don’t be difficult Angel. I’ve had a long fucking day,” he snapped at you, “Now is this water going to stain me, or am I good to get in?” he stared at you. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched like he was getting ready to attack his prey. You tried to keep your face neutral, not letting him know that you were still slightly scared of him after the display this afternoon. You slowly scrunched your legs to your chest as a nonverbal way of telling him he could join in. Once you moved he brought both legs in and sank into the tub.

You both were very lucky that this was a large bath since Ren’s legs took up about 75% of the space in it, leaving you to stretch out on top of him. Your feet placed on his abs while he sunk lower and lower until his head was resting on the lip of the tub.

“What’s in your glass,” he practically moaned at you with his eyes shut. He looked super uncomfortable but you could tell he was trying really hard to relax. Which seemed to never be his natural state.

“It’s a Cab*, the one with the lion on it.”

Ren snatched it out of your hand without even looking and chugged the rest of it. “We’re going to need more of that,” he rolled slightly to his right and pressed an intercom button.

“Whoever the fuck is downstairs will you bring up the Juggernaut bottle,” he barked into the speaker. Assuming that one of the Knights was going to follow his order. Within minutes one of them came in and gave Ren the bottle which he immediately started chugging from.

“Ren,” you reached out and pulled the bottle from him, “Are you going to tell me what the fuck happened earlier? Or are we just going to drink?”

“Can we not do both?”

You exhaled loudly, trying to get your point across that you needed to talk to him. He groaned and started rubbing his face. “I don’t know what you’re expecting from me. She is my wife and what we do in our personal lives is none of your business.”

“Are you serious,” you snapped at him, “Ren I am fucking you. You’ve been calling the shots of my life for almost a month, you bought me an apartment, car and new clothes and made me go to lunch with her and now it’s none of my business?”

He crossed his arms and looked away from you, trying to focus on your laptop even though it was paused from watching too many episodes.

“Kylo,” you barked, “I’m fucking talking to you.”

“Don’t you dare call me that,” he yelled, raising a finger at you.

Bringing the bottle to your lips you waited for him to continue. Interesting that he allows Rey to call him that but not you, this was something you were going to have to explore.

“Is it because you’re ashamed, Ren,” you cooed at him, “Ashamed that I saw how out of control she is. Or that I know you beat her.”

Suddenly he was on top of you, his hands around your throat. Teeth snapping in your face like a wild dog. “Don’t you ever accuse me of that,” he seethed and released you enough so you could breathe again, “I’ve never laid a finger on her in my life. You don’t know anything about me little girl.”

You had dropped the bottle in the tub, the red liquid pouring out and mixing into the black water. Almost like there had been blood spilled between the two of you. You grasped onto his forearms to try and anchor him off of you but were getting nowhere. “That’s hard to believe,” you gasped, “When you’re currently choking me to death.”

“Oh Angel,” his face softened to a less dangerous one but more one of mischief, “That’s because I know you like it when I’m rough with you.” You inhaled sharply, and Ren pushed you up further against the tub. Effectively pinning you in place while his knees knocked yours to accommodate him.

“Like right now,” he came closer to you, “I know that your pretty little cunt is sopping because of me. It’s okay to be afraid, I won’t hurt you.” One of his hands dropped into the water, “That much.”

Suddenly he had you flipped around, on your knees with your chest and face pressed up against the end of the tub. Water sloshing between you two while he pressed his hips into yours. Revealing a once well-hidden erection that was now skimming your folds. He brought one hand down between your legs, lightly petting at you. Humming when he felt your arousal mixed with the water. You moaned and tried to press your hips back into him, desperate for friction. “No, no Angel, you’ve been a bad girl.”

You froze and felt him line himself up at your entrance, usually he worked you open so it wouldn’t be so painful when he pushed into you, but it was clear that right now Ren wanted you to feel the pain. His other hand came up and gripped to your hair, successfully knotting it in his fist.

“Tell me, Sweetheart, do you know how long you can hold your breath?”

You craned your neck to try and look at him, you were obviously confused.

“Let’s find out.”

Ren pushed into you and suddenly you were dunked underwater. You thrashed and screamed under the black mess while he started pumping into you. Each thrust was harder than the last, he was determined to make you know how much he could hurt you. You tried to push yourself back up to the surface but he had you pinned, after what felt like hours he pulled you back up and you choked on the water.

Gasping and gagging you started sobbing while Ren was laughing like the Joker. “I think we can do better than that,” and he had you under the water again, his pace far more crucial, he was chasing a high that he didn’t know he had. The amount of power he held over you now was unbearable. This man, who you had grown to like more and more, was now holding you hostage under the water and the sick part was that you didn’t want him to stop.

He pulled you back up and pinned your face to the side and thrust in more and more, grunting and groaning at the clenching of your walls around his cock. The hand holding your hip hostage slid down and started rubbing tight circles around your clit causing you to moan. “That feels good doesn’t it Angel, I can feel you, you love it when I fuck you like this.”

Gagging again you responded, “I do I love it, Ren, please don’t fucking stop.”

“You want to cum don’t you,” he leaned to your ear and continued his brutal pace, “Cum all over my cock? Even though I almost drowned you?”

You screamed as his circle grew faster and faster over your nub, you couldn’t help clenching around him. You felt so close to your orgasm, you just needed a little bit more.

“Tell me you like it, Angel,” he huffed before stopping to take a bite out of your shoulder, “You like it when I control you. You need it don’t you dirty slut, someone to keep you in check.”

“Yes Ren I love it, please please let me cum,” you begged him.

“After you cum you’re going to thank me for everything I’ve done for you, do you understand whore? I own you. I own your mouth, your tight little cunt, even your thoughts.”

You were bucking back into his thrusts, desperately chasing your release, “All yours Ren, please I need it.”

He stilled his movements and turned your head to try and face him, “Take a deep breath and cum Angel.”

And you did just that as he dunked you back under the water, pinning you flat against the bottom while his fingers rubbed your clit in sync with his cock. You were clenching and desperately trying to hold your breath until you felt him empty inside you. Hot sticky cum painted your insides as his grip on your loosened, you took the chance to lift out of the water and gasp for air while Ren slumped against you. His chest flush with your back while his cock was still squirting into your tired pussy.

His arms came around you and pulled you up with him so now you were on top of him while he buried his face into your neck. Lazy and sloppy kisses were placed all over the crook of your neck up towards your jaw, his hands were slowly petting your breasts in a way to calm your breathing. Finally, he took in a deep breath and stood with you clutched to his chest.

Treating you like you would porcelain he stepped out of the tub and turned to the shower, quickly rinsing the two of you off before leaning you against the wall. You couldn’t even move, your body went into fight or flight every time he shoved you under the water. You were so sure he was going to kill you, but each time he was sure to pull you back up and prepare you for the next blow. It was almost considerate, given the circumstances, that he even let you cum with him. You stared at the man who was washing both of your bodies of the glitter, wine, and cum. He looked so focused on piecing you back together even though he had been the one to break you in the first place.

He shut the water off and stepped out, quickly drying himself off and getting in his robe before reaching his hand out for yours.

“Come on Angel, you’re shivering,” he whispered to you, afraid to command you after what had happened. You grabbed his hand and walked out of the shower where he again dried you off and wrapped you in your black robe too. Once you were bundled he picked you up and you wrapped your arms and legs around him, desperate for him to stay with you.

He brought you to the bedroom, pulling down the sheets with his right hand while still cradling you with his other. Bending over to place you down you squeezed him harder, “Please don’t go,” you whispered in his ear.

“I’m not going anywhere (Y/N), not anymore.”

You released him and watched him go back to the bathroom and shut off the lights before coming back and climbing into bed fully naked. Ren came up behind you and started to pull off your robe, kissing your bare skin when it came into contact with the room's cold air.

“I promise (Y/N), never again” he cooed before pulling you into his embrace and the two of you were lulled to sleep.

TAGLIST: @finn-ray-nal-beads @morby @kirah36 @onlykyloscenes @clumsycopy @candycanes19 @desiraypark @direnightshade

*Here is our necklace from Tiffany: https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/necklaces-pendants/elsa-peretti-color-by-the-yard-pendant-62464399/

**Here is the wine we are having, it’s my sister’s favorite red wine and it's honestly not that bad: https://www.wine.com/product/juggernaut-hillside-cabernet-sauvignon-2017/532155?state=CA&s=GoogleBase_CSE_532155_type_Wine_RedWine_CabernetSauvignon_261&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=&utm_campaign=Google_Shopping_Smart_CA_Relaunch&showpromo=true&promo=PSCASE10&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpNr4BRDYARIsAADIx9wTNMJgAuhl1zWgoZEny8NAfa4vYZmIzTH446JIQfJ5NE9upZGPAGgaAk0eEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#promoBarModal

#adam driver #adamdriver #kylo ren #kylo trash #kylo x reader #modern kylo ren #clyde logan #flip zimmerman #phillip altman #toby grisoni #jamie massey

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