#I'm allowed to take a bit off
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alrighty, my brain demands rest, so back to the shadows I go
#But real talk; idk why I constantly need to come up with reasons for not checking the stp tags 24/7#Like#I'm allowed to take a bit off#It's not my job or something#But seeing what you guys create IS fun and I don't wanna miss any of it#But. healthy boundaries. gonna log off now. love ya'll. ❤️
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post depressive episode clarity like what the fuck do you mean they'll never disappear, just fade.
#mine#tw: sh#i'll be a 30yo woman a 40yo woman a 50yo woman a 60yo woman and someday an old woman with SCARS ON MY ENTIRE LEGS?? like forever????#and i KNOW i broke through enough skin layers for these to never heal entirely like catscratches do#forever? for real? like the rest of my days? i'm never gonna have a healthy clean body like everyone else ever again?#it's THAT easy to just throw it away forever in a second?#i'm gonna be sick#what the fuck man#like both shoulders both thighs both calves entirely ruined#what the actual. fuck.#FUCK.#the awful part of the last year is over thank god#it was an episode lasting from like idk january until#august maybe#i think i'm finally feeling better#but i was really looking into legal psychiatric euthanasia there. drafting my fucking mail to the Dying With Dignity type companies#cause i went to a shrink who told me that i have bpd and while i didn't believe him#fact of the matter is that in some eu countries you're allowed to get euthanized for that. so .#but that doesn't matter i'm a bit better now i'm not thinking about it as much anymore#but it sickens me that#not only do i have to fucking take it alone#but i also have to deal with a lifetime of ridicule disgust “turn off” and pity afterwards#my own best friend told me to make sure to cover up when we slept at a relative's#and i felt it was ridiculous that anyone could even judge me negatively based on the scars when it's me who had to deal with this shit#not them!! and clearly it wasn't fucking easy!!! like if anyone it's not you who's getting hurt from this!!!!!!#i asked her whether she would ever be thrown off by seeing healed scars#and in the coldest tone she replied 'No but I would not know how to explain that to my kids.'#the relatives did not. in fact. have kids.
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good afternoon puppy tumblr! i need to get collared.
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Feel like I need to defend the people being upset about the non existent Agatha/Rio just a little bit and maybe that's because I'm also a lesbian who really likes them but I feel like the hate towards lesbians is a bit uncalled for or excessive like. Obviously homophobia or just full on blatantly hating on Billy as a character is shitty and I'm not defending that. But the way some people talk about this like "ugh can these annoying lesbians just shut up already?? How dare they be scared that this show might take a turn and take focus away from the sapphic couple?" Cause like that's what it is. Sapphic people are scared or upset about the possibility of the focus being taken off of Agatha and Rio and their relationship completely now that they have introduced a character that is important and will continue to appear in other Marvel media. Because good sapphic representation has been taken away too early or messed with a lot already. I think that if in the next episodes there are more Rio and Agatha scenes and important moments and just relationship stuff then most sapphic people who are complaining right now are gonna be totally okay with Billy's story. But right now we just can't know for certain.
Also I just have to say I see way more people hating on lesbians right now than I see lesbians being outright homophobic in the tag...
#agatha all along#i for one really like billys episode#but we also haven't had any other fully character centric episode for any other character#so it's definetly a step away from the actual show#and people are just scared that after all agatha all along was just a starting point to kick of billys storyline#because You Never Know With Marvel#i'm not at all hating on billy getting a kiss first#because after all queer rep is queer rep#but i would say if he gets a kiss and agatha and rio don't get a kiss or something similar to that in the next episodes#then lesbians are gonna be allowed to rightfully be upset#i think we all should probably cool down a bit and wait for the last three episodes to be released#anyways just to clarify again so i don't get shit on under this post#i like both agatha and billy#and i'm not angry at billy for geting an episode all about himself#but i can also see where lesbians and sapphic people are coming from when they are upset about the focus being pulled away from agatha and#rio#both sides are valid#but when you start being hateful toward a group of people enjoying a piece of media or showing concern for the direction that piece of medi#is going in#the you become the asshole#so maybe just lay off on insulting people#lea's random thoughts#anyways that's my take on this whole thing#i am hopeful that we will also get more agatha and rio moments but i can totally see why other people might be scared that they won't happe
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Star, stop changing Tamami's design challenge (impossible).
No, for real, I think this is the fifth redesign I've done of her character. I don't know why but the past designs I've made for her just weren't satisfying to me for some reason. Some of the designs I decided were just bad or didn't suit her while the others were similar but I just didn't like how it looked (tank top, large sweater, scarf, the rainbow bracelet and a long skirt). But I...think I've finally landed on a design that I liked the most out of all the ones I've made so far. (Please let it be the last. Please, my brain and heart. I would like to settle on a design and move on!)
ANYWAYS, I used Teruya's DRA sprite as a base for Tamami since, well, she is his mom and she's about as short as DRA!Teruya (or maybe shorter, I don't know, the wiki gave me two heights for his DRA self. I decided she's about 4'8'' to 5''). So it made sense to use this sprite for her, even when I made slight adjustments to her eyes and nose by making the eyes a little wider and bigger and the nose a bit more pronounced as DRA!Teruya's nose is very small. Out of three of the five designs I've made, I kept this short hairstyle of hers with a large ahoge as I loved this style the most and didn't want to change it. I based her bangs off of SDRA2!Teruya's length and style and the back of her hair like DRA!Teruya's, but I changed the way the strands looked so that it'd look more like her own hairstyle but you can still see the resemblance between the two of them. The ahoge, though, is very much real, unlike Kojiro's and Teruya's (they canonically style their hair like that on purpose), and she cannot fix it no matter how hard she tries. So she just gave up and let it be. Tamami got stuck with the protagonist trait, even though she died before the events of Danganronpa, lol. I've never been a fan of fictional kids looking like carbon copies of their parents. Like, you have the meta-power to design these kids anyway you like and you just make them look exactly like one of their parents? Unless their look-alike appearance is plot relevant, it's just weird for them to look so much like one parent that they can easily be mistaken as siblings and has zero resemblance to the other. And that's saying a lot coming from me who looks a lot more like my Irish dad from skin tone alone, but even then people can tell that I'm at least Asian because of my facial structure and even asked as such, tying my appearance to my Filipino mom. I don't know, I just like seeing a mix of traits for the kids to have inherited from their parents, you know? So, since Kojiro already has a design with green hair and green eyes, I decided to have Tamami have a different hair color, gray and green, but she also has green eyes, just a different shade. Teruya inherited his mother's eyes while getting his father's hair. Since I headcanon Teruya to have freckles, Tamami has freckles as well and as I mentioned before in this post, I adjusted her skin tone to be more obviously tanned instead of dusty from my older drawings of her. And then there's the outfit, which is a dark gray tank top, a long denim(?) skirt, dark reddish-brown boots, a blue handkerchief scarf to match with Kojiro, and a big fluffy yellow sweater with a checkerboard pattern that is tucked into her skirt, and long puffy sleeves that hangs off of her shoulders. The rainbow stripes on her skirt and the rainbow bracelet ties her design to Teruya's as he wears a rainbow as well, and I thought it'd be a neat idea for them to have a similar love for rainbows even though they've never met (cause she died via childbirth). The thought of Teruya still inheriting some of his mom's mannerisms and traits even though they never officially met scratches my brain in a good, angsty way. I wonder what Kojiro thinks whenever he recognizes parts of Tamami in Teruya...And that's it for Tamami's design! Hopefully it'll stay this way.
Tiny characters that can beat the shit out of an enemy that's much taller than them will always be peak character design, you can't change my mind on that.
#DRA#Danganronpa Another#Tamami Otori#SDRA2#Super Danganronpa Another 2#sprite edit#Star's Art#OCs#Original Character#DRA Spoilers#SDRA2 Spoilers#<- just in case#fun fact: she's actually quite muscular underneath her clothing#it's just that this outfit hides most of her skin#and also I'm not that good at drawing muscles ^^;#Her other outfits showed a bit more skin which showed off those muscles I tried to draw#but again there was something about them that I just didn't like while drawing them#and I don't know why#so in the end this design won out#which sadly hid her muscles :pensive emoji:#I guess I just like how soft she looks in this version of her outfit instead?#which would contrast greatly with her actual strength#both physically and mentally#and by mentally I mean that if she had actually lived long enough to experience the Tragedy#she would not fall to Despair and would keep trudging on regardless of what's thrown her way#unlike her husband who is far more vulnerable and emotionally unstable than he lets on underneath#although if she was alive she wouldn't have allowed Kojiro to become a Despair in the first place#even if she had to drag him kicking and screaming - she'd go and verify Teruya's status herself as she wouldn't just give up hope like that#and if the news were true she wouldn't blame or take it out on the world that took away her only son like Kojiro did in canon#no she'd take it out on the Despairs as *they* were the perpetrators
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Funny Games (1997)
"Why are you doing this to us?"
"Why not?"
#funny games#1997#austrian cinema#horror imagery#blood tw#michael haneke#susanne lothar#ulrich mühe#arno frisch#frank giering#stefan clapczynski#doris kunstmann#christoph bantzer#wolfgang glück#susanne meneghel#monika von zallinger#although it's been on my to watch list for a long long time‚ this is also exactly the kind of film that I'd never take any particular#effort towards finding‚ content to spend years saying 'oh yeah i really should watch that'. so I'm most grateful to @bimbobussy for taking#the initiative and providing me with a copy; years and years of interest in film and in horror have meant that i was more than familiar#with the plot‚ the layout‚ the fourth wall breaks‚ and that might have been something subconsciously putting me off getting round to this#but im really glad i did. what an experience. my prior knowledge didn't feel like a hinderence; instead it leant an awful expectation to#the earlier scenes‚ allowed for dreadful recognition of what was coming. and i still got played! the misdirection with the knife‚ dropped#in an early scene‚ the planting of a seed of an idea that's there just to be subverted‚ a blackly comic bit of sleight of hand.#Haneke fills the film with such subversions: it's in the 4th wall breaks‚ the first of which is brief and subtle enough to go nearly#unnoticed‚ but which build in defiance of audience expectation to become outright challenges to the viewer‚ a kind of accusation of#complicity in the horrors unfolding; and then again‚ those horrors: Haneke actually keeps most of the violence offscreen and for all its#reputation for shocking horror‚ you actually see very little; except for the aftermath of that violence‚ which we do see‚ which we're left#to sit with for an uncomfortably long time‚ another accusation perhaps‚ or simply acknowledgement that the worst can sometimes be for those#left behind‚ the witnesses and the mourners. something very like genius at work here‚ a troubling masterpiece on violence and its impact
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I might have pitied this deformed woman
With all due respect ACD why is everyone calling someone with a limp deformed... Also to be honest I would have felt more horror from the story if Gilroy found her attractive and/or charming and enjoyed her company and work relationship but also did not love her for whatever (non-physical) reason, because then there could have been a potential inner conflict and guilt, instead of ''this is out of my hands she is icky-looking and a crone (Gilroy you are 35) so I have no self-doubts about being in love involved on top of it all yay''. Having him vehemently dislike her all the time minus during hypnosis removes those layers.
It isn't 'everyone' in the story who calls her deformed, though. It's just Gilroy. No one else is mentioned deriding her for her disability or her looks or anything else beyond Penelosa's talent.
Considering ACD's comparatively progressive track record with the Sherlock Holmes stories--a series notable for how often it takes the side of oppressed parties, including abused or preyed-upon women--I can't see Gilroy's ageist and ableist views as anything but an intentional setup for the narrative payoff of his disgust as well as his anger and fear.
The story does feel slightly karmic at the start and, to give ACD the benefit of the doubt, I agree with you that having Penelosa not be an attractive hypno-dominatrix likely played a part in Gilroy's initial revulsion at her controlling him into playing paramour. I think this was intentional for the character's buildup, but also for the audience's. Even in the present day, there's no ignoring that there are demographics out there who are Highly Interested in the erotic implications of hypnosis. BDSM for the brain, puppet master kinks, et cetera.
If Miss Penelosa had been hot, or even just pretty, I wouldn't have been surprised if the horror story ACD was trying to put together would lose much of its punch in his era's audience. Sure, it's still icky that Gilroy's a man being Controlled By a Woman (!!!), but having her be attractive would 'soften' it for them. Still, all this is only in play if ACD was really truly adamant about selling the horror of 'A Stranger Now Owns My Free Will and Is Planning to Violate My Life in Intimate Ways.'
It could also have just been intended as an eerie scientific*** what-if adventure applied to a then-popular (and wildly overestimated) practice of the time. Or maybe he meant it as a straight-up supernatural escapade in the vein of vampiric mesmerism from a psychic monster. I don't know, I can't ask him.
All of that said, the horror is soured a bit by Gilroy being a haughty skeptic snob who had some comeuppance heading his way in the first place. Similar setups are common in horror flicks today, where we get to cheer at least once in a movie when the Big Villain takes down a more commonplace bad guy. There's no scare there, just vindication.
And me being me, that's not enough. Because I am all about two things.
One, adding more horror to everything, always, forever.
Two, making life harder for Jonathan Harker.
Jonathan 'Holiest Love means I Will Walk Backwards into Hell to Protect/Stay with My Wife Whether She's Mortal or a Literal Monster' Harker is not about to shit on anyone for a bad leg or some crow's feet.
More importantly, we've already seen his reaction to sexy sexy undead ladies trying to hypnotize him into compliance so they can take certain bloody/eternally conscripting liberties with him.
To judge by the 1000+ Dracula adaptations that show the directors' fetishes in full view, Jonathan being preyed on by the hot vampire Brides is seen by many people as...you know. Hot. Enough to rewrite and bastardize his character every time to make him seem like he was genuinely tempted by them.
But He Was Not.
He was being hypnotized into artificial attraction and paralysis so the ladies could take their turns with him without his fighting back or trying to run. Which he does later! More than once! Every time this voluptuous trio tries to hypnotize or corner him again, Jonathan catches on and sprints in the other direction. He is not into that shit no matter how pretty you are, ladies.
Specifically because, as I and Bramothy Stoker cannot stress enough, Jonathan Harker is strictly Minasexual. All Mina all the time. 24/7 Mina lockdown 365 days of the year. Mina, Mina, Mina. Mina? Mina. (I personally headcanon him as demisexual with shades of biromanticism and ace, but that's beside the point.)
The point is, even if Penelosa was a knockout, Jonathan wouldn't notice. He wouldn't care. Just as his love would not have been stopped by Mina turning into an actual monster; he would rather be damned and in love than slay her and be holy. You can bet your ass if Mina suddenly had a handicap he'd still be enraptured with her to the point of blasphemy. You know he's going to still be heart-eyed as they grow older. Jonathan Harker is made of unconditional and extremely focused love. It is all-encompassing and yet it belongs to a single person. It's the kind of love we all wish we had for ourselves.
It's the kind of love that someone like Penelosa--who latched onto a random handsome prick of a professor after she had known him LESS THAN AN HOUR and started plotting to groom him into her personal Ken doll--would do anything to have for herself; Jonathan Harker, the true Prince Charming, the gallant beloved, the guileless charmer who holds the One He Loves above himself, above God and Devil and the world itself...being wasted on some pretty young thing who hardly needs such a treasure.
It isn't fair. Mrs. Harker will never appreciate dear Jonathan like other, more deserving women would. Not like her. She would show him. Help him through the motions until he learned better; learned to love in the right direction.
Her direction.
Only if given the opportunity, of course.
(👁)
In short, yeah, Gilroy was not the best option for a sympathetic horror story protagonist who we could feel real fear and empathy for. We only really get a glimpse of that toward the end, when Penelosa escalates enough to start injuring innocents and tries to make Gilroy throw acid in his fiancée's face. A big scary leap, but also too late in the game for a proper punch. Especially with the abrupt copout of the ending. Bleh.
I think we can do better than that. Say, with a protagonist who can balance on the pro-and-con line of keeping the supernatural puppet master of their life happy enough to not act rashly, who knows the value of dancing on eggshells in a tight spot, who could tug the heartstrings of villain and audience just enough to let fuller and far more frightening machinations come to light as time goes by.
Especially with certain other powers lurking in the shadows, which might make a trifle like death a far less permanent end to their ~romance~ than it ought to be.
Don't you agree, Mr. Harker? ❤
P.S. Gilroy's still absolutely getting his ass handed to him in this take, don't you worry. He's been demoted from crush to chew toy to minion. RIP sir, but you're not off the hook just because Jonathan's distracting her with his dreaminess. Get to work.
#I got an ask a while ago that was really focused on whether or not I was 'going to keep Penelosa ugly'#not long after I went into a whole other ramble about how she was Not Described As Ugly#just middle-aged a bit plain and having a limp#a ramble where I also pointed out that Gilroy was the only person who was shown being insulting about her appearance#to be clear: While there will be (unpleasantly) intimate predatory scenes#this is not a kinkfic I'm writing#this isn't 'Jonathan Gets Hypno-Dommed By Sexy Psychic Lady XXX'#it's meant to be taken as a story directly following Dracula's events and happening a third of the way into 'The Parasite'#while also taking some liberties with the amount of time involved rather than killing the story (and Penelosa) unceremoniously#barely a month into the interesting bits#the fact that Jonathan is careful enough to play the long game without pissing off (X) bogeyman/bogeywoman is grounds to let things go on#for much Much longer than Gilroy allowed with his temper getting the better of him and setting Penelosa on vengeance#more time = more dread = Penelosa getting to show exactly how far she's willing to go to own her target's life/love#I don't plan to throw any ageist or ableist shit in the mix#just fleshing out character points we never got to see in focus before#and highlighting the Actual Menace of the premise that Gilroy's plight/personality didn't really sell#'Someone owns your brain and is taking steps to cut you out of your life and make you into their personal doll.'#which is scary! fucked up! absolute nightmare and a half!#regardless if the person making you into a puppet is sexy~ or not#but again: I am not sexifying this story or its characters. Period.#they are who they are and anything I might add to the story will have its roots in the original works#so to any future anons wanting to know: No. No Sexy Penelosa for you. No hot Harker love triangle. The End.#anyway#the parasite#arthur conan doyle#dracula#bram stoker#jonathan harker#helen penelosa#austin gilroy
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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Processing some things
Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)
#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style.#Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look.#Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix#Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3)#<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off'#like...not just handing it to him#I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3#I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!'#I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK???#Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay#In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic#reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be#friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay#Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her#Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes)#just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe#SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS#Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow-#Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz...#literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him#OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism.....#TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme#(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain....#Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but#by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to#do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people.#<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision#and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves#OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM#Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!
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i was going to say i hate when i'm right but actually i enjoy the sensation of being correct even if i don't like the thing i was right about. So I'm very happy to be right so often, actually (especially now that no one in my life is actively trying to gaslight me)
#this post brought to you by:#the fact that my favorite monster flavor has ONCE AGAIN gone missing from shelves entirely and i'm having to figure out a replacement flavo#AGAIN and I was like ''huh well their new seasonal is out. if they're not making any more of my favorite flavor that means they've probably#got plans to change the name AGAIN or it's going to be reformulated and sold as something else''#so i picked up some alternative flavors to find a solid backup flavor for myself because Original is not tasty long-term#it's fine for a one off but if you're gonna have it lots i would like more fruit in my beverage flavor please#for anyone curious my favorite flavor in this instance is Khaotic - which was in fact previously Khaos#and those were i'm fairly certain the same they just renamed it for some reason#the flavor i think they're replacing it with (i'm purely speculating of course) is the Rio Punch which i think is pretty new#which means it'll be a seasonal flavor and it won't stay around forever so i'm still in the market for a New Favorite but in the meantime#i don't mind what they've done to make it more Tropical and the color is ''Brazilian Flag'' so it's easily spotted#and will make asking for it in specific a lot easier if it sticks around for a bit#my medically necessary monsters i s2g#college me would be so fucking tickled about having accidentally gotten the components to my actual mental health correct#just maybe not the ratios yet lol#it's fine we were 19-22 years old and a business major who'd avoided chemistry after failing out of the homeschool version somehow#so like it's allowed to take 10 years to get the ratios of what makes my brain work good correct#fuck okay speaking of which i do in fact have Tasks to complete before i go about the rest of my day. hope everyone has a great day
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oops, i, did it again - i overcheesed the spaghetteh,
#just me hi#WWhhhyyyyY#my catastrophic cheese issues continue hfhshd#went 'oh noooooo' and looked up at my mom and she already Knew lmaoo#that's how often these things happen !#i'm also not allowed to make macaroni anymore btw ://#/oh also i discovered some time ago that the seasoned pecans they sell at costco are AWESOME with sharp cheddar cheese#it's GREAT i highly recommend !! :D#my siblings keep going 'ewh that's gross' and then trying it and being enlightened to the way of the cheese-nut lolll :3#it's also apparently a grave crime to take off like a fourth of the cheese block and just nibble on that for some hours#joke's on those jokers i forget i actually have to eat anything for at least four more hours after doing that Hfbshd#//but anyway in other news !!#what is up with colours? i have no idea. neither does anybody else! peace and love on the celestial meatball we all adore#/octopus are neat i like octopus :>#so are crabs but i think they're a bit scarier for some reason so !#octopus are just kinda more gross but i can appreciate their squiggyness#octopusses... octopie.... is this the 'plural platypus' thing again hfbsh#/i have Gottt to finish these refs before june or i'm going to do what i did last year which was NOT fun loll#i rushed like 5 refs in two weeks ! did i enjoy it? naauh hbhfs :')#/also thinking of opening comms next year ? maybeeeee#it's definitely under consideration though ~!~#/also made a new yt cuz i changed my email lol :>#RIP the old one. you'll be remembered o7 and iiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always remember yyyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu#//think that's all though ~!~#<- doin that cuz i can't have my wiggly exclamation point lol :)#but it's summer again which means i'm going to ddddiiiiiieeeeeeeee#that one guy who wanted to set fire to the sun had a real idea goin there..#//anyway toodles :33 perhaps i shall return. oo bYe ~+
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I think I'm slowly starting to understand that me being constantly exhausted is just because I'm finally safe and my body is no longer running on adrenaline and cortisol all the time. I've been fighting against the exhaustion for over a year but I haven't actually allowed myself to rest without feeling guilty.
#personal#I need to learn how to relax and do one thing at a time and to not put myself in so many stressful situations#I'm allowing myself to sleep in#to read more#to start my day with something enjoyable like a walk or a nice long breakfast instead of a stressful to do list#I'm setting boundaries around being available to work on my days off#I'm taking days off of work#I'm allowing myself to just sit and be and read and have a drink at a cafe somewhere#without it being something rushed#I just need to.. REST this year#I've done the self care bit like the meditation and the yoga and the walks but it's always been something#and I've only relaxed while feeling guilty and multi tasking#I just need to really and truly relax; in a way where it's not a to do list#my favorite restaurant is closed on mondays#but they're located at a big lawn with chairs and benches#and I went there after work to just read my book for 2 hours#in the shadow and the breeze on a hot day#and I felt sad depressed but it was actually really nice#making some dinner now (easy dinner) and watching a tv show
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honestly thinking abt it i’d definitely have preferred if danganronpa v3 had actually fully committed to the “fiction that hates you and mocks you and wants you to question why you still enjoy it bc you become brainless amoral voyeurs whenever you engage with it, you people kinda suck ass tbh actually” reading all the way to the bitter salted earth end. like i doubt i’d have *liked* the weird superiority complex vibes from it and the whole deflected creative ennui onto the audience still. but i’d for sure have to at least *respect* the gumption, the sheer full-chested audacity of the choice, especially in the context of this specific franchise, if the writing didn’t spend like an extra hour pussyfooting around doing a watered down, sugarcoated little backpedal into “oh no, not you actually bc you specifically are special and nice and good and don’t count”. this trial is way too fuckin long anyway like pick your bit and stick to it binch. call me a sucker to my face binch come on!
#ndrv3 spoilers#drv3 spoilers#like if i go back to ch6 now i spend like four hours doing the logan roy 'fuck oooff' on a loop lmao#tbh a long multi installment narrative will always always be better with a strictly defined end where it goes 'no more.' ofc.#but that works better when like. the writer actually Wants to make the last one#they want it to end but they also really want to Make the last part. not to just have it Be Over With#but still sell another game heeheehoo#and also if you take this legit approach you have to. once again. commit lmao you actually have to stop making more#can't have the apocalyptic (figuratively.) end all and then keep trying to make tha cash money off anime and spin offs and shit lool#if u gonna point and laugh and call me a lil bitch that's your call man i get it but you gotta actually. commit. to. the. bit.#like i couldn't even be that mad. like creatively speaking. boy you picked what you were going for an threw yr whole ass into it fr#except i'm a special boy and actually Not a lil bitch (sadness) so hmm im allowed to keep buying more Kids Getting Murdurrred Franchise#pls dont be taking this too seriously i genuinely do not care abt this series enough to hold strong opinions either way lol#v3 just. as a concept amuses me more than anything. in an absurd way. like that vine of the screaming chorus of rubber chickens#danganronpa spoilers#drv3#danganronpa#oh and besides zero time dilemma did the whole meta twist series ending better ahAHAHAHAHHEEHEE
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m.
#This will be deleted in a lil bit probably#but m. am i allowed to use mobility aids at like grocery stores-#because i feel like. i need them. but then i tell myself that i'm just lazy and dont need them and shouldn't#take it from someone who actually needs it-#like if i am Completely honest i never leave my house or go anywhere because I know I cannot handle#the walking at all. and its probably because of my weight but also because of my back always fucking hurting#but mm. dont like people staring at me and looking at me and the few times i Have#dared to use one of the scooters i've had people give me Pissed off Looks or even laugh at me.#and I hate having people stare at me and look at me and it freaks me out so i just kinda don't do anything or go anywhere anymore.#not sure if I am allowed to call myself disabled because i Dont Want to Piss people off who look at me#and tell me I'm Not because maybe i am Just Wrong.#chocking this up to more things I need to talk to a therapist about#but thats if i can ever get one which is seeming less and less likely.#not to mention how i havent seen a doctor in probbly like. 2 years? maybe 3. idk im not good w time.#i still think 2019 was a year ago sometimes.
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I know I joke fairly often about how people should adopt gregory and while that's because I genuinely want him to have that kind of love and care, I need to clarify he's not going to make it an easy path to get there — gregory is a deeply angry kid with a strongly rooted distrust of adults that, given the circumstances, can be genuine fear ( particularly of authority figures ).
he's going to lash out in an attempt to keep people away from him. he's going to assume anyone who tries to care doesn't actually care about him, and only does so out of obligation. he genuinely believes when people get to know him, they stop caring about him.
freddy gets off easy because he's an ai. he's literally programmed to care about kids. real, actual people though? he's convinced himself they will always leave him behind.
#★ * OOC / brainrot for a sushi restaurant. )#like . yes I want people to take gregory in and care about him he's a kid he deserves that#but I'm also not going to downplay that he's a really damaged kid who's going to act out#even in his mainverse where he's staying with michael#there is an INSANE AMOUNT OF PLOTTING between ash and I that has allowed gregory#to get to the point where he's comfortable with michael and not picking fights and running off for a bit#and even then its bumpy!!! they have a lot of issues it is very far from perfect!!!!#gregory is NOT an easy kid to parent he needs a lot of patience and care
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daily whistlepaw until ga becomes PoV day 831
I was out for a few days, but now i’m back
#Warrior Cats#whistlepaw#WindClan#medicine cat apprentice#I dipped out for schoolplay reasons#I was doing reception all three days and the first two (thursday and friday) ended very late#that play was so good tho#i love watching it all three days while also doing a bit of assising for it#I wore mu silly cancan dress that's so in theme with the play#that play being the great gatsby#now i'm still wearing the chocker because it's stuck#i can't take it off#I need someone else to do it but very few people are actually allowed to come so close to me without me feeling very uncomfortable#so it's still on my neck
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