#I'll try to change it up next time.
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Pocket Sand - Episode 2: THE TURKEY-ADVENTURE.
*Shikari, Hero, and Roti are all in a group somewhere in the Pocket.
Hero: <. . . So I then I started throwing out all of the slurs I could think of at this guy until they disconnected.
Then I fell off of a cliff and died.
Real fun stuff.
Shikari: . . .Why dXd you fXXl the need tX sXy thXs???
Roti: I'm so, very confused. . .
*Rustflare then appears out of nowhere
Rustflare: *Dramatic entrance* GUYS. I HAVE AN IDEA.
Shikari: Oh. . .YXU. . .
Hero: <Oh jeEEz not this dude. . .
Rustflare: LISTEN. I REALIZED A FLAWLESS WAY WE COULD FIX ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS IN LIFE!
*Roti started cowering in the corner*
Shikari, grabbing for her blade: TXll us whXle you stXll have vXcal Cords, FRXXK.
Rustflare: *Turns around dramatically* WE'RE GOING BACK IN TIME TO THE FIRST THANKSGIVING
TO GET TURKEYS OFF THE MENU!
Shikari: . . .What the f-
Rustflare: AND THEN WE'RE GONNA KILL SIGMABIRD5001!!!
Shikari: . . .
Hero: <HOLY SHIIII-
Roti: W-what's, going on???-
Shikari: FXNALLY! AN ACTUXLLY GXXD IDXA OUT XF YOUR STXPID MXUTH!
Rustflare: *Smugly turns around* I KNOW. GENIUS, ISN'T IT?
Roti: Ummm. . .I, Don't know about that guys. . .
Hero: <BRO. I'VEe BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO SAY THAT!!!
Rustflare: HEAR ME OUT: BERDLY SUCKS-
Hero and Shikari: We're in.
Roti: W-what??? Y-you're just, gonna kill Berdly like that???
Rustflare: WHY OF COURSE.
Shikari: I cXn finXlly stXb that BXTCH. . .
Hero: <And I can finally get a singular kill.
*An awkward silence falls among the group*
Rustflare: DON'T WORRY. THIS PLAN IS COMPLETELY FOOLPROOF
AND ALL WE NEED TO DO IS BREAK SPACE TIME.
Hero: <. . .Welp. Thanks for nothing you little cu-
Shikari: I knXw someXne who cXn help wXth thXt.
Roti: I-I can't believe you all are,
so Adamant on k-killing Berdly like that. . .
Shikari: Why wXuldn't we bX by nXw?
Roti: . . .I-I stand, corrected. . .
*Timeskip to five minutes later*
Rustflare: *turns arm into a sniper and loads it* ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE.
Shikari: I HXTE THXT I HXD TO GXT STXCK WXTH YOU,
EVXN IF WX ARE KXLLING BXRDLY.
Rustflare: I'VE GOT EYES ON THE TARGET:
HE'S NOT LASTING TILL SUNRISE. THAT'S FOR SURE.
Shikari: CXn yXu just CXN IT?
Rustflare: NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Roti: Ummmmm, guys. . .
Shikari: WhXt is it, RXti?
Roti: I'm still not, s-sure about the whole,
killing Berdly thing. . .
Shikari: There yXu go agXin with thX SympXthy. . .
How PXthetic. . .
Roti: . . .Well, I've been,
Thinking. . .
M-maybe killing Berdly in the past,
Isn't the, b-best idea for us?
Shikari: . . .WhXt's that sXpposed to mean?
Roti: Like, If we killed him in the p-present, we would still be killing him. . .
But in the past, he won't b-be able to make us. . .
He won't be able to write c-cringy fanfiction or m-make bad games. . .
Cause he'll be dead. . .
And then we'll be dead. . .
And then everyone's dead. . .
Rustflare: . . .I SEE YOU'RE POINT.
*lowers sniper arm*
WITH EXACTLY FIVE SECONDS OF THOUGHT, THIS PLAN WAS:
STUPID AS #!%$
Shikari: . . .
*Shikari takes a breath to steady herself before knealing down to get on Roti's level*
MXybe yXu're rXght, kXd. BXTCH, cXll off the attXck.
Rustflare: ALRIGHT, I-
*Sudden realization*
WAIT.
WAIT WAIT WAIT.
OH NO.
Shikari: . . .WXIT.
*Hero comes flying down, propelled towards Berdly by the power of a rocket laucher she had for some reason.*
Hero: <I AM A GODDESS OF DEeeaaAAATH!!!1!
Everyone else: OH GOD NO!!!
-End of Episode 2-
Credits:
Shikari by: @mercair
Hero by: @goo-dripley-art
Roti by: @followerex
Rustflare by: Me!
-Best Regards, Jackal.
#deltarune#deltarune oc#deltarune secret boss#deltarune fan character#secret boss#pocket sand#Rustflare#shikari#Hero deltarune#roti#Wow#Shikari has been in both installments of Pocket Sand#I'll try to change it up next time.
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oh so Trailblazer rewards automatically go into your inventory that's the exact opposite of what I wanted. How silly of me, I assumed it was like the Championship Season thing where it'd go into my inbox.
#sso I don't hAVE SPACE DON'T#I wanted that free stable care#and free appearance change#sso#ssoblr#haven't done enough to see if I can just redeem some but not all of the rewards#or if it'll automatically collect all the rewards when I try to redeem one#but with the rewards tapering off the more you do I'm not gonna keep it up today anyway I've got other things to do#maybe I'll get lucky and SSO will expand our inventory in the next three weeks#wouldn't that be some good timing.
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btw one of the things i want to do when i really rap up atbb for real is spontaneously get the energy at will to do actual updated fullbodies of the main 4 since now i actually have the ability to draw them the way they look in my head & have the skills to put some more variety in their shapes. basically i wanna
#warning big character design rambling in these tags but like. were u expecting any less#if ur wondering what changed-#first of all everybody has bigger hands bc i'm actively deciding to commit to that decision because i like it :3#next russ is a bit taller . i'll probably change some other things like making his armor look more solid & making him look more frail#-without it but i dont wanna pick up my tablet rn so thats all i feel like editing with my mouse lmao#edge has the biggest changes mostly in just being Wider. i want to make him Look stronger yknow#currently its just one of those annoying “skinny anime girl actually has 2d spraypainted abs and can lift a truck” tropes that i Hate#its a lil too many triangles when he should really be more like a triangle-flavored square. yknow#that being said the weirdly feminine hips were not intentional but only time will tell if they make it into the actual final design or not#i will not be making his pauldrons wider than they were originally. those things are already wacking everything around him they're fine#fluff's change is just being a bit skinnier so he looks more pathetic and sad. probably gonna try to make him look a bit younger too#but age is hard to represent with skeletons from The Land Of Sharp Features#i might also change up his pants/shoes more idk. Baggy Everything makes a very difficult silhouette and the boots are just boring tbhh#they're the bi flag but i dont think a single person has ever noticed lmao#and stretch's biggest change is that he's going to Have A Fullbody Reference That Isn't From 2019#probably make his hoodie longer/looser so i can make the transition to the leggings less awkward & show off his tank under it a bit more#the leggings & sneakers get to stay tho i think. the red wraps the design up well & the chicken legs are funny to me :>#and karma isn't here but he'll probably also get an update to be more square as well. and NOT SKINNYYYYYY#i gotta cram some more emotional repression & inferiority complex hints into his outfit so his post-void look contrasts more its IMPORTANT#AND ALSO NEVER USE UNDERTALE SPRITES AS A REFERENCE FOR ARMOR EVER EVER EVER AGAIN#that being said im really excited to one day finally sit down and draw his post-void design i think i'll have fun with that one#theres a reason my sf bros dont really fit their “roles” in the au yet like undyne & alphys do. hehehe#basically to sum up all these tags: becoming more skilled at art is a curse because you KNOW you can do things better now
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Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#Sona double feature!#Red Eyes and Evil Time /are/ different for the record lol#There's overlap and they're both eye details but they're different#Mmm Red Eyes feels so niiiice <3 And I've been pacing myself so it's Just Red Eyes!#No red shines :) Which can happen even on Red Eyes#In fact it's probably more common - the red shines on Blue Eyes was something of an oddity#No one knows the lore except me I'll explain someday lol#For now it's just fun to be in Red Eyes! :D And the occasional Evil Time as well lol - all the overlaps!#I somehow accidentally made a like?? Cotton Candied Popcorn themed outfit for Eli for the first one lol that wasn't my intention#I mean it's cute I'm not about to fight it lol I'd love for my sonas to have other clothes inspired by each other haha#Eli's eyes are still quite fun to draw as well haha those bright pops of colour - Red Purple or Blue they're all so stark and shaped#Back to their classic feminine outfit good for them uwu#Silly lad#They're also still a scientist first and foremost - it's all chemicals there's gotta be a way to recreate it externally!#Local vampire scientist creates mood stabilizers more at 7 lol#I'm quite pleased with the three-red two-purple one-blue gradient as well hehe - the decay! :D I like it as a visual#Charm tiiime <3 <3 Happy Charm time in Evil Time! Usually better than bad mood Evil Time lol - at least for those around her#Still chaotic to be in it haha - but happy chaos is happy! Lol#Again more fun with eyes the light bounce in the one where she's holding the melt is so cute and looks so nice on my paper too <3#I had a silly comic idea for her for the next time I get into Red Eyes as well - if I remember lol#Big Love is hearts! It just makes sense#Also I am Really proud of the cleaning job I did on that last one lol - from original to this? Night and day ngl#Guess that goes to show how little cleaning I do on-page lol#For some I do! Others...#Still thinking up outfits - you can probably just make out ''Hero Charm'' in her hair lol trying to think around different themes#Something that could become something else! Add or subtract an element and it changes the ''meaning'' of the outfit#Kinda like her initial caped design that Kaiein rejected hmmm
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bleh
#blabbering#rambling/whining/complaining/venting ahead:#I think the horrors have finally caught up to me and the depresso is starting to take hold#i don't usually experience this until winter but I think the sudden drop of activity and people going on hiatus and such -#has triggered this early for me#basically I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long or i start spiraling REALLY badly.#i don't really handle change very well haha...#i have the notorious curse of second guessing anything and everything and putting it on repeat in my head and then amplifying it#which sucks bc I don't have any more escapisms that work now bc this was already my escapism and I have no human connections irl#(I'm not kidding either. I've failed time and time again to make friends irl and was always the proactive one about it. But alas... ugh)#my only source for connections is online bc i struggle to make friends (especially at my age and how my energy keeps depleting and depletin#might lowkey be sharkweek but usually I just get more agitated and not this (this is very specific to the winter horrors™ for me)#i guess I may as well check out the spears while they're around still (tho in between me making dinner). I'm just feeling super bummed out#and not excited like I was the other day about it (ofc I blame the depresso™).#I don't even know what to do for my beta characters. Head empty. Head gone. sigh.#also it sucks bc next week is gonna kick my ass at work (canada day/july 4th/july in general/5 DAYS and long shifts in there too)#i'm going to be so tired and so alone and with nothing to look forward to. Idk what to do bc none of my usual distractions are effective no#No escape. No seretonin. No company. Nothin'. I notice I when i start getting bad like this when I fall back hard into pokemon#(because it was my childhood escapism and I was a neglected only child who was left alone a lot; hence the connection lol)#i'll probably just have to suffer through it and be an absolute wreck of a person i think. I don't really have any other options#watch me get sick again bc canada sucks to work bc everyone has it off and they ALL GO TO THE STORE I WORK AT AND IT SUCKS.#gonna try to draw more too but the depresso is eating my brain worms (the healthy brain worms)
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#dorian pavus. [ he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain. ]#dorian pavus: ic. [ you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet. ]#dorian pavus: inquiries. [ stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause? ]#dorian pavus: countenance. [ i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult. ]#dorian pavus: introspection. [ selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. ]#dorian pavus: meta. [ you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less? ]#dorian pavus: little notes. [ living a lie. it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for what’s in your heart. ]#dorian pavus: etc. [ you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks. ]#dorian pavus: magic. [ don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places? ]#dorian pavus: inquisition. [ we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition. ]#dorian pavus: tevinter. [ despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love. ]#dorian pavus: felix. [ even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better. ]#dorian pavus: gereon. [ we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying. ]#dorian pavus: halward. [ i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy. ]#dorian pavus: aquinea. [ her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet. ]#dorian pavus: inquisitor. [ you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them. ]#dorian pavus: solas. [ you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit. ]#dorian pavus: varric. [ what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way. ]#dorian pavus: cullen. [ gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you. ]#dorian pavus: cassandra. [ blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic. ]#dorian pavus: cole. [ you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats. ]#dorian pavus: vivienne. [ i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends. ]#dorian pavus: blackwall. [ point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one. ]#dorian pavus: sera. [ you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony. ]#dorian pavus: bull. [ no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back? ]#dorian pavus: corypheus. [ one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? ]
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fee waiver application denied 😔 i'm just too rich i guess 😎 (makes one dollar above minimum wage)
#teeth.txt#changing my name and the fee is like 300 cash which is a little crazy 2 me#but i do have a full time job and very few expenses (e.g. not paying for my own insurance)#so like fiiiiiiiiiine i'll cough it up it won't put undue hardship upon me -_-#doesn't hurt to try lol#i think maybe i filled out the application bad. it was confusing. so that probably did not help anything#also when i called the person on the phone was like um yeah our system is actually down right now ? but hopefully next week it will be fixed#and then you can come schedule a court date#girl next week ?? it's tuesday ???? slow ass government IT team i guess
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#3 you can (not) redo
#eli vanto#thrawn 2017#thranto#it's not even been one day my godddddd#listen. okay please listen friends. comrades. fellow hooligans.#i'm not going into your inboxes or leaving replies on your posts or anything#i'm not “calling anyone out”#maybe this counts as vagueposting and being aggressive or whatever idek. but like#it's just.#if you do an art. at some point you gotta be more conscious about your choices of colour palette#esp when depicting someone with darker skin#like at this point fine. you can think eli is “tan” if you want. live in denial.#but at least give him the damn melanin for it#colourism is a thing too yknow!!#you know this actually happened ages back in another fandom i'm in#and when i sent the artist a curious msg about it they were like 'o yeah i can see and i agree i messed up the colours on this one real bad#it's literally not that hard to just notice and move on and just try better next time#okay next time i promise i'll post the meme without any commentary okay i just. sigh.#white eli tag#hmmm maybe i should change the meme to read “whitewashed” as opposed to just “white”#that way it's a more accurate argument re colourism#hm hmmmm
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less than a week until I move in with my squish and get to see them again aaaaaaaa
I have never felt such an intense mix of excitement and fear and longing,, send help
#like on the one hand#I get to see them again!!!!!! after three long long months I'll finally be able to feel their arms around me again#and breathe in their presence and see their beautiful smile right in front of me that isn't over 3 pixels of video call#and I'll see them EVERY DAY and we can talk or just sit together whenever we want!!!#and we can host parties!!! and build ikea furniture together!!! and laugh as we try to bake and probably miserably fail!!!!#but on the other hand#GODS am I terrified#what if I fuck it up???#what if I've romanticised this so much in my head and it'll really be nothing like that#what if they get tired of me and living together just makes us drift#what if it brings awkwardness into our friend group#what if my feelings get in the way#there's so much that can go wrong and so much at stake#and I can't bear the thought of losing them#I want this to work so so badly#I guess I'll find out soon#it's crazy though#three months seemed like such an unbearably long time#and now suddenly its almost over#I'm terrified of what comes next but I also want it so badly it hurts#well#come what may#I love them and I don't think that's going to change#here's to this new chapter#queerplatonic yearning hours#cosmo rambles#personal ramble#queerplatonic#aroace#aromantic
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Just realised I can't use tomorrow to relax because I have to prepare a stupid demo for the staff meeting on Monday 🙃
#ruffled feathers#we have to come up with a game that's 'safe focused and frequent' and doesn't leave anyone waiting for a turn#the TL for my demo is an entire fucking script i kid you not#i'm like. how tf do i make a game of this#it's one thing when you just have to do on Q and one A#but i have an actual dialogue and the age range is 10-12s#so i guess the best thing to do is just some super unoriginal janken ladder game?#everyone knows it so it's not like i'm bringing anything new or interesting to the table#but i have one day off and i've had a 6-day work week at a new school with POs and i have another 6-day week coming up#and i'm still processing a complicated and painful break up with a long-term partner#i barely had time to recover from jetlag before not just launching back into work#but travelling to a new school with Ss i've never met that's so far from yamagata city i had to stay at a hotel#so fuck it. i'm gonna be boring and unoriginal#i'll talk to my boss beforehand bc he's very understanding and i hate disappointing him#just explain that it's not gonna be my best and i know it's not my best for xyz reasons but i promise i'll try harder next time#he'll probably still be disappointed but i'm sure we'll both learn to live with it#besides. no offence to this one colleague of mine but i know he'll quarter-ass some garbage last minute#so whatever happens my boss will probably be less disappointed in what i have to show than what this guy does lmao#i'm such a bitch sometimes but it's true#watch him now put in an effort and come up with something spectacular for a change
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Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME
#every single time i praise aomeone for turning a new leaf they fuck me over#my life is continuing getting worse and worse and worse and worse and i really don't know how much longer i want to deal with this shit#if things do not change soon I'm quitting I'll run away and i will never come back#i praise y sister for growing up she steals and then lies about it and i print with out a shadow of a doubt she did it wont admit it#coworker who bums job off onto me dose. one piece of work then fucked off and dowe nothing else all day then spreads rumors i lied about my#moms cancer#like i can pull up her obituary bitch#dad dose 1 nice thing then like let's me go to bed instead of doing all the dishes that accumulate while i was at work#then need day turns me back into a slave#is goin to marry his yandere bitch gf my mother has not been dead a year yet good for him#I'm done#i hate being alive i can't daydream about anything anymore except death#i used to be able to daydream ocs n stories that stopped years ago then it was day dreaming about a better life with my wife#that's hard to believe it'll ever happen in just trapped and my dad constantly discourages me getting independent or doin anything for mysel#no don't get a full time job don't move out you cam never do it no don't try to learn sewing again doing try dnd again doing make new friend#don't do anything to make like nice#I'm allowed Wednesday nights after the kids go to church and that's it and if it clashes with family aucks to be me#and i don't get to make. it up the next day like dad#i cant stand my life i hate it so much#i hate my family minus my four youngest siblings#i hate my job i hate waking up i hate feeling exhausted all the time#being alive is disappointment and work I'm tired of it#I'm tired#i dont want to do this anymore#i need something to change but I'm trapped nothing will change unless i do it#and i hate that I'll probably have to leave ao much behind
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Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void
...
#nils talking#feeling very tired after this week#the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in#I'm just drained#tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood#but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days#bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water#I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over#too many variables too much that still needs to happen first#but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic#connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments#or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal#at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations#anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me#I don't wish to fade away into the background#I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly#to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party#or who was just a random fellow student or coworker#I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy#sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation#also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school#it's a mostly depressing affair
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Hisuian Zoroark is one of the sickest designs in pokemon, but the model on that bloke is FUCKED. It's really bad. If they bother to port her over to other games, you know they ain't changing that model, either, 'cept to make the textures paler & duller.
I continue to despise pokemon, despite being a pokemon fan, I fucken guess. At this point, I gotta go all in on summat else, like Cassette beasts.
#gale chatter#i have MINOR problems with the beasts but they are nothing + I ain't abt to be negative abt it online#it's a good game made by good people my complaints are so tiny you NEED to play it#if you like me wish pokemon would do more fun interesting things or miss spritework in ur pokemon#u need to try cassette beasts. I'll admit i haven't beaten it but what I've seen in the story is INSANE#also i generally try not to talk smack about indie games it just ain't right. biggest ip on the planet‚ however‚#i can talk shit about pokemon all damn day.#the fucking way they keep using the same models the most minimal of animations & the pokemon keep getting pale as shit#to the point that pokemon like pichu are fucken impossible to tell from their shiny (slightly paler pichu)#the way that the designs are done in 2D & designed in it but then when it comes time to model they just. lose all charm#you get designs that were obviously not intended to have full 360 turnabouts (h. zoroark & emboar)#then you get deisgns that lose all their charm when modeled. in example -- look at the boltund model next to the art.#it's. bad. those are different animals. i feel NOTHING for the boltund model. it has no heart nor care in it just a means to an end#the gameplay never changes the sories have ALWAYS been lackluster they introduce cool ideas every other gen & ABANDON THEM#SO YOU HAVE A REASON TO BUY THE NEXT ONE BC IT HAS A NEW IDEA. MEGA EVOS WHAT'S THAT? DYNAMAX NOW.#the way they slice up the games to have exclusives SPECIFICALLY to piecemeal them back to you in 2 different games#so you either need to buy both (THAT IS 120 DOLLARS) or pay for online + have a friend. it has always been predatory.#it's. BAD.#& let's not pretend that 1/2 the lazy work is because the workers HAVE to be lazy. they pump these games out so fast that#nobody has time to write & revise & rewrite the stories which is fucking GLARING when you play sword or violet#in violet it is blatantly obvious they had the end planned first & then made up the rest as they went but had a hard time#connecting it back to the end so there's a noteable rush in the game & it sucks also if you call that game nonlinear i will attack you#IT ISN'T. IT IS DESIGNED SO THAT YOU NEED. TO GO IN A SPECIFIC ORDER. BECAUSE OF THE LEVELS#otherwise you'll hit a lvl 60 gym at lvl 40 then have to go back to fight the lvl 40 gym at lvl 70#the studio rushes their workers & it results in sloppy implimentation of halfbaked mechanics & poor deisgns & writing#i pray that if there is a god that nintendo actually does slow down on these shits i would like the games my little cousins play#to not be such fucken rushed & undercooked hot garbage. fuck you
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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being neurodivergent is all fun and games until you remember those hourly quote bots on twitter and think well maybe I can't make a bot anymore but I could schedule a few quotes a day, that shouldn't be hard. it sounds fun to have a bunch of quotes of my favorite character Thirteen from hit mobile game Obey Me! and its sequel Obey Me! Nightbringer. and then you think about how arduous collecting the quotes is going to be but she's only been in the games for maybe a year and a half with little screentime and you love collecting things so you start but then you remember that you love collecting things so naturally you have ALL of her screentime in the game and suddenly you have 45k characters of quotes and are several lessons into season 4 (which is truly a trial in and of itself) but not nearly close enough to the end but you refuse to just stop collecting the quotes and make the account with the EXCESS of what you have already because you literally only have season 4 to get through and if you don't do it just seeing the bot (because now you've been informed you can make tumblr bots instead) will haunt you with that knowledge even if nobody else would ever know. this is a general anecdote of a situation that could easily happen to anyone though and not in any way related to my life
#obey me on side#ummm i don't have a personal tag yet because i hated looking at this blog before the revamp so i'll do that later#with the carrd. usually when i say i'll do something later it means sometime in the next 3 years but i actually mean this one#but rn there's no way to tell i'm a lesbian (except for the thirteen icon. + probably also the ruri-chan banner she's lesbian colors)#okay maybe you can tell but I want to be CLEAR#anyway i would also like to note that immediately before starting this project i spent a full week lamenting my lack of free time#because I wanted to write some fics. and then literally as soon as i got free time I went um. no. quote doc instead I think#????? girl why did you do that to yourself#fortunately i'm now bored of reading s4 so i can go back to writing#unrelated but all of these fics contain a significant amount of solomon and i like him that's not surprising but it was unintentional#which IS surprising. like okay one of them is about solodeus (specifically mc playing matchmaker so i don't clickbait) so that's obligatory#and another is based off of the new solomon card (IT'S CUTE) so that's also kind of obligatory#(the third one is based off of luke's card from the dnd nightmare a while back because i was entranced by its strange unbalanced party)#but usually i try to switch up the characters i write about to get comfy with all of them and not just the ones that make sense to me#that's not entirely accurate it's my one braincell bouncing around like a windows screensaver picking a new fave every time it hits a side#but also to get used to writing them all. anyway#i'll just write about satan to balance it he's always been a fav but i am obsessed with him in nightbringer he is so offputting and tragic#if you're still reading these tags please see above on th 'later is up to three years' in regards to the fics still haven't posted anything#hoping to change that soon though I WILL eventually.
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:)
#ooc tag /#hello all once again!#little update on the revamp#I'm getting icons and edits made soon!#before then i'll fix all my tags#redo some things#clean out this blog#clear it of all the things I Don't care to look at lmao#BUT YEAH!#things are moving along#it should be up and running in the next few weeks; give or take#a bit of an update for me personally;#my mental health is still continuing to waver a lot; but its dipping up and down as my meds start to really get going#i'm getting a promotion at my job soon; which is nice#i'm gonna be starting college again soon enough; getting that set up after my company offered to pay for it#i'm trying my best to live my life the way I should; not held back by things I can't control; or the past that plagues me#I'm gonna do better. I want to do better.#Anywhore--#YEAH! official revamp in the works; may end up changing my url as well#but time will tell!#See ya later !
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