#I'll probably wait and see if I'm drawing more consistently before I do that

[evelinessa]

Worked on a drawing for the first time in years today. I had to stop for the night, but hope to finish it sometime soon.

I'm pretty happy about it, but only hope I can keep it up. I've always liked drawing, but I've had a hard time sticking with it long enough to really develop the skill.

[mimisempai]

You're the only light in my blurry world 1/10

Summary

After a serious motorcycle accident several years ago, Aziraphale is unable to recognize the faces of people he loves, let alone those he doesn't know. 

But when he met Crowley for the first time, he's able to see his beautiful face with absolute clarity.

Though, because of the way he keeps looking at him, Crowley thinks Aziraphale doesn't like him.

Notes

Once again, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway, and with conviction.

Masterpost for this fic : here

Crowley scratched the back of his head and sighed. 

He had that strange feeling again that he had had for several weeks. 

He felt watched.

"Crowley!"

He looked up at the person who had just called out to him and saw that it was Muriel, one of his new friends.

"Do you have to work later? We'd like to have dinner together so you can get to know us."

Crowley put his brush on the easel and replied with a smile, "Works for me!"

"Great."

Muriel walked away to a small group of people outside the hall door, and as soon as Muriel were gone, Crowley had the same strange feeling.

Ever since the day he'd arrived at the art class for adults, he'd felt someone watching him. The thing was, he knew who it was, but he hadn't dared bring it up yet. He was still new here and didn't want to draw more attention to himself. At least not that much.

After graduating as an astrophysicist and working several temporary jobs, Crowley had finally been hired on a permanent basis at the city's planetarium and was happy to finally settle down.

After adjusting to his new situation, he began looking for an art class, wanting to fulfill his second dream after studying stars and planets, to learn how to draw and paint.

After his father left her for another woman, it was his mother who raised him, sacrificing everything for Crowley's studies. Obviously, the family budget didn't allow for extras like an art class, and Crowley had waited patiently.

Three weeks ago he had discovered that there was an evening art class not far from his home and had applied. So far he'd enjoyed it. The art teacher knew how to make his class interesting and the group consisted of pretty nice people.

Except for...

**********

"Even though it's the middle of the year, I'm happy to welcome a new member to the class."

Crowley stepped into the middle of the group of about twenty people, all seated in front of easels, and approached the art teacher, who continued, "Anthony Crowley, you may introduce yourself, okay?"

Crowley turned to the small group and said with a friendly smile, "Hello everyone, my name is Anthony Crowley, but I prefer to be called Crowley. I started working at the planetarium a few weeks ago where I give lectures and teach classes for 8-15 year olds. I-"

He was rudely interrupted by a crash and turned his head to where the noise had come from to see that an easel had been knocked over as one of the class members had just gotten up. The first thing that struck Crowley was the slightly old-fashioned way the guy was dressed, especially the curly blond hair that formed a kind of halo around his head. 

As the other members of the class chuckled slightly, the clumsy fellow who had dropped his easel stammered, "Ah... uh... sorry, I'm sorry."

Instead of sitting down, however, he remained standing, glaring at Crowley, who wondered what the hell was wrong with him.

Probably another lunatic.

"So, Crowley, what can you tell us about yourself?"

Crowley snapped out of his thoughts and forgot about the clumsy guy as he replied, "It's a small group, everyone will know me soon enough."

The professor laughed and replied, "You're not wrong," then pointed to an empty seat two rows in front of the odd guy. 

As Crowley sat down, his seatmate asked, "Wow, your hair color is just gorgeous. Do you dye it yourself?"

Crowley smiled and shook his head before answering, "No, it's a friend who dyes my hair."

"Oh, could you give me their number?"

"I'll give you the address of her hair salon."

The person in front of him turned around and asked, "Why are you taking these classes?"

"I've always wanted to draw."

"That's cool!"

Then they turned to the one who had asked Crowley about his hair and smirked as they said, "Don't tell me you want the same hair color as Crowley?"

"Hell no!"

"I'm relieved because it wouldn't suit you at all. My little blonde darling."

"Hey!"

However, during the happy conversation, Crowley had a strange feeling.

Like he was being watched.

He turned to see the guy who'd dropped his easel staring at him again, then looking away as soon as their eyes met.

**********

The stares had not stopped since it happened three weeks ago.

As he joined his new friends, Crowley couldn't help but look back.

Eric, seeing this, put his hand on his arm and asked, "Hey, what are you looking at?"

Crowley shook his head and replied, "Nothing, I just remembered something weird." He then shook his head and continued, "So, what were you talking about?"

Muriel looked sad and replied, "It breaks my heart to know you weren't listening.

Crowley laughed and replied, "Sorry, sorry."

Still, he could feel the stare and it was beginning to annoy him a lot.

"Crowley?"

Crowley replied to his new friends, "Look, I have to do something, so I'll meet you at the restaurant, okay?"

"Ah? Okay, let's go then!"

"See ya!"

Aziraphale, packing his things into his bag, didn't see Crowley coming toward him and was startled when he called out, "Hey, mate! What's the matter, you got a problem with me?"

Aziraphale, more than a little surprised, stammered, "C-Crowley?"

The red-haired man replied in annoyance, "What? You've been watching me since I arrived in this class, but we don't know each other, do we?"

Aziraphale blushed slightly, said nothing and lowered his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I..."

He looked up again and felt the other man's expression soften, but Crowley insisted in a more inquisitive tone, "So, there's a problem? You got something against me?"

Aziraphale shook his head quickly and replied, "No, no! Really nothing!"

"Then if it's nothing, stop looking at me like that! It makes me super uncomfortable."

Aziraphale didn't have time to react because Crowley had turned on his heel and was walking away toward the art classroom door.

Now alone, Aziraphale muttered, "I guess he hates me, and I can't even tell him why I was looking at him..."

*********

"James! I'm here!"

Aziraphale arrived in front of his lover, who tossed him a motorcycle helmet, which he grabbed.

James planted a light kiss on his lips before saying, "Put it on."

Then, after putting on his own helmet, he climbed on the motorcycle and said to Aziraphale, "Climb behind me and hold me tight."

Aziraphale, with butterflies in his stomach as he always did when he was with his lover, climbed on the bike, pressed himself against James' broad back, and wrapped his arms around his waist.

He asked, "Where are we going today?

His lover put his hands on Aziraphale's and playfully replied, "You'll know when we get there."

Aziraphale remembered the wind as the motorcycle accelerated, the sun on his face, his chest against his lover's back.

After that, all he could remember was hearing his name called out in James' voice.

A pool of blood beneath his hand.

The hard asphalt on his cheek.

And then, as his eyes closed, his last memory was the panicked face of his lover.

**********

Aziraphale sighed as he left the art classroom.

"If I had known it would be the last time I saw his face..."

The first thing he remembered when he regained consciousness after the accident three years ago was his mother's voice.

**********

"Mom?"

Then he'd felt his mother's arms wrap around his shoulders and hug him as she cried against him.

When his mother stepped back, he finally opened his eyes after a few moments and asked, "It's weird...why is everything I see blurry?"

His mother stroked his cheek and replied, "That's normal, you were hit on the head and unconscious for three days. But you'll be fine now."

She got up to call the nurse.

"Mom, wait! What about James?"

He didn't see his mother's expression as she approached the bed. She started to speak, but tiredness was the strongest, so Aziraphale couldn't fight it and closed his eyes.

**********

Aziraphale shook his head and said to himself, "There's no point in dwelling on the past."

Suddenly, the ringing of his cell phone brought him out of his thoughts for good.

He took his phone out of his pocket and saw that he had a text message from someone whose number he didn't know.

He slid his thumb across the screen, and as Aziraphale read the text, his heart leapt.

Hi Zira!

Long time no see!

I hope you haven't forgotten me!

I'm sorry about what happened. 

Are you free? I'd like to have dinner with you.

James..

Received 7:00 p.m.

Aziraphale began typing a reply.

No, I'm busy right now.

Then he deleted, retyped, and finally decided not to reply. Before putting his phone back in his pocket, he looked at James' message again.

You haven't forgotten me, I hope!

Aziraphale muttered, "How could I?"

Then, seeing the front of his bookshop in the distance, he breathed a sigh of relief.

It had been an emotional evening between the Crowley discussion and his ex contacting him after three years of silence, so he was looking forward to being home soon.

He murmured, "First thing I need is a drink."

Feeling that there were only unfriendly faces around him, Aziraphale did not really ease up until he walked through the door of his haven of peace.

As soon as he closed the front door behind him, he put his things in a corner. Then he went into the back room of the bookshop, poured himself a glass of sherry and turned on the gramophone before sinking into his old armchair.

After a sip, enjoying the burn of the alcohol in his throat, he exhaled slowly and closed his eyes.

Aziraphale tried to remember James' face, but in the end, another face appeared.

Crowley's, of course.

He ran his hand over his face, cursing his karma.

An ex-lover who seemed to want to reconnect, but whose face he couldn't remember, and for whom his heart no longer beat.

An angry potential love interest who was the only face he recognized and who made him feel things he hadn't felt in a long time.

He took another sip.

"I'm doomed."

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here 

[ask-the-bone-boys]

ATBB's Future

Hiiii y'all, its uh. been a minute huh

Now that it's been a bit over a year since I put this blog on hiatus, a loootta stuff has happened and changed and i've been doing a loootttta thinking!

Looking back on it, like really really looking, my biggest reason for the hiatus was that at some point the blog just kinda became more of a chore than something I wanted to work on for fun. Ask blogs are a lot of work, even when you're just using talking portraits rather than drawing out every individual answer, and with how much ask culture on tumblr has died out over the years there just wasn't really enough payoff to make it feel worthwhile to keep burning myself out.

I think it's a really good thing I stopped it when I did, because having to deal with all that in my senior year of high school would have been a nightmare. I've actually just finished up my first semester of college now, and there's no way in hell I would've been able to keep up at any rate! With all of this in mind, I've gained a newer perspective about how to approach things going forward.

I'm still really attached to this story. With how much time I've spent thinking about it and developing it in my head, I can't let it go, even if the blog isn't really working out anymore. I keep thinking of different ways I could fix the decisions I made early on, as well as the super cool directions I could take it in in the future, and I just. I GOTTA.

So, I've decided to reboot it entirely as a fic series!

This means that, unfortunately, there won't be nearly as much artwork to accompany it, but it's far more likely for the story to actually progress! Writing is way less draining for me and once I get going I can do it much quicker than art anyway, even though I do still sorta wish I had the spoons to just turn it into a full-blown webcomic instead haha

This DOES mean that updates won't be nearly as linear as they were here, seeing as right now I've mostly been working on backstory fics that took place before the blog's main story, but that can at least give you guys more context for how the characters interact with each other! I'll also state that while I do write faster than I draw, I still do it a hell of a lot less, so updates will still probably be pretty infrequent. But at least they'll happen at all, right?

As for the state of this blog itself, obviously I'm going to leave it up! I still love looking back on the old interactions you guys had with my characters and your reactions to certain plot points (your reactions to Fluff tagging along with the rest of the group were my favorite by far) and I think it would actually kill me to erase them. I'll be posting the fic updates here too, just like I did for Self Hatred!

And even if it's not going to be an ask blog anymore, because of how much I still miss that kind of interaction with you guys, I think I want to do a sort of "last hurrah" event, to finally send off the asking format with some good vibes.

You see, there's a character I made up around this time of year two years ago. He's a pretty cool guy, but he doesn't actually show up until a specific turning point later in the story. I've been excited for you guys to talk to him since the day I made him, but a little bummed lately that you may not ever get the chance. I still need to get a lot of stuff prepared, so I'm not quite ready to announce or start anything just yet, but there's a reason I waited until my winter break to start thinking about this seriously.

I think you guys would really like to meet him.

But anyway, that's about all I wanted to say for now! This is a very long post already so it's time I start wrapping it up. As always, thank you all so much for sticking with me, even though I really haven't been consistent through the years. I hope this change doesn't come as too much of a disappointment, and that you'll keep sticking around for the reboot!

[vodkacheesefries]

As much as I loved this scene, I felt like parts of the dialogue were a little disjointed. Which was odd because overall I feel like the dialogue edits based on what the players pick as a response usually flow really well and I don't notice like I did in this scene.

I wanted to make it feel more like a natural conversation while also playing around with what I imagined a Durge who is trying to redeem themselves would say and also adding a forehead kiss because I'm a slut for forehead kisses.

Overall, I'm happy with how it turned out and that I finished. Not bad for it being well over a year since my last multi-page comic! :)

(More thoughts overall about Astarion and my Durge, Knox, under the cut to keep this post from getting longer than it already is.)

Did a little sketch follow up

OKAY SO in my playthrough this happened shortly after Astarion's confession to Knox. They established they would back off on sex so Astarion could take things at a pace he was comfortable with, and really, it was probably best for Knox as well given the whole...well, everything going on in their life.

I like to imagine that that opens the doors for both of them to explore other expressions of intimacy, even if it doesn't come naturally and is difficult for them to do so. It's been over a couple centuries since Astarion has probably experienced any sort of touch, kiss, or hug, without the expectation of sex following. It's probably also been basically never since anyone has treated Knox with this kind of tenderness. So they're working on it, and they're learning together.

I'm glad I waited to run Astarion's romance route until I got the guts to do a Durge run. For some reason I thought I'd have a lot less control over how I could play it, and with the exception of a couple early game situations that, in hindsight, I do think are necessary to establish what it is you're dealing with as a player, it's actually added SO much to the game. The extra layers it adds with Astarion as a romance choice are wonderful. That being said I am weak and I don't think I'll ever be able to play a truly evil "embrace the urge and ascend Astarion" run. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Anyway I just hit the start of act 3. I'm trying to play slowly because I have the Astarion kiss bug and I'd like to see it work at least once before the game is over, but I guess if I don't I'll just have to replay it lmao

(Also Astarion is the most difficult motherfucker to draw consistently and I just straight up gave up on the ruffles on his shirt in the end. 🙃)

[dorkfruit]

i put this together using my computer's trackpad so the new year is already starting out . bad .

posts: J | F | M | A | M | J | J | A | S | O | N | D

template

reflections on the year, my plans for the future, some studies i did, and wips for the next year all down below for those who are interested

tldr; we will be ianthing next year so watch out!!

oh dear lord it's been another year. 2024! can you believe it! i don't talk much on this blog because i have a tendency to talk too much, but it's my little new year's treat, so here we go.

RECAP

i started taking drawing "seriously" in December of 2020, starting to do studies and stuff, and each year since i've ramped it up more and more. this year, i did. a lot of studies. there's probably like at least 200 more in my folder now (not including the 300 days worth of gesture drawings i did), with things like painting, faces, feet, poses, etc. anything i was struggling with, i went right into studying it. my art has been mediocre for a pretty long time now, and it's only the past few months where i feel i'm starting to get the hang of it, which is exciting!

more importantly, i started posting a lot more on this blog. i really like documenting my progress, looking on where i was before and seeing how i've improved. everytime i draw some fanart, im like, oooghh i can't wait to show my (: followers (: !! lots of locked tomb art of course. i've been trying to nail the energy of the different characters, which is why i enjoy books so much, because you get a lot of creative control. drawing ianthe is my fav of course, cause she's my lil nasty, but also i enjoyed doing designs for characters i hadnt thought about before, like judith.

in addition to the locked tomb, we had some new fandoms that got brief moments in between iantheposting: Fear and Hunger, Postal, Faith The Unholy Trinity, and a couple of old ones too, like We Have Always Lived In The Castle and The Merciless.

i posted about 115 times this year, although most of those are shitposts LOL i love posting stuff on my blog and showing people my stuff <3

THE FUTURE

my plans? do more ianthe art, of course. ill be working on more studies, probably going to work on developing a style, and figuring out how to paint. i'd like to do more actually finished pieces, but let's be honest, it'll still be mostly shitpost doodles. i'd like to do more weird stuff. i've been messing around with some gore and NSFW near the end of the year, and it's fun to draw for me. i like idk art that evokes some type of emotion, especially discomfort, and so i find that type of art fun to do, so if you don't enjoy what i've done thus far in that direction, perhaps this isn't the blog for you. i really like horror media, and so i want to do some stuff like that too.

for specifics, i like western type art, a comic book-esque style i'd like to aim for. but i'd like it to be a little more. weird with it. i find comic books often draw all the characters the same, and make all the characters traditionally attractive, and that's boring to me so i'll have to work on finding a way to keep things weird, while also appealing in a graphic sense. the worst thing my art could be is bland and forgettable.

locked tomb wise... more tridentarii art. need to be really weird with it. i have lots of wips planned, like i have a whole page worth of just thumbnails, so i wanna get some of those done. also i had a few animatics i wanted to do. mostly stupid shit, once i learn how to do animatics, then we'll do actual serious ones. id also like to do more comics. i have some comics storyboarded out with my girlies, i like telling a story so, need practice on that. id also like to develop a way to consistently draw them, for convenience sakes, so i'm not fighting for my life every single time i draw these characters. oh and i wanna do some outfit stuff. i draw them in like. generic clothes everytime but i'd like to come up with a few actual outfit designs, that i can just reference back to. and, of course, more shitposts. lots of stupid shit in 2024 for sure. there was something else i wanted to say here but i can't remember.

ART

oki enough rambling, here's some IMAGES for yall to look at i know everyone loves to look at images.

began this year by warming up with gesture sketches (almost) every day. i started with 20 poses (30 seconds each), and then in november i was like. ugh my hands suck i need to get better at hands, so i switched to doing 10 hand sketches (60 seconds each). i want my art to be very energetic so it's important that i do these !!

anatomy studies of extremities because i'm flopping at those -_- ive gotten better with hands but they're still a struggle. i hate feet tho still

need to get my painting game up. i joined an art forum to get advice, and the biggest suggestion i got was working on my values, so i did various value studies. also lots of faces because my faces flop !!

random doodles to work on drawing from imagination. on my "sketchbook" pages, as i like to call them, i'm usually pretty loose and messy, since the point is just to be drawing so often these will suck, but that's fine. i don't think very much when i draw faces on here either so they end up being in my Instinctive Style i suppose you could say

ianthe wip. i was planning to do a few drawings based on the idea of her having Missing Arm nightmares, but the lineart was intimidating to me so i haven't worked on this one more yet /: also there was going to be a toontown gay homosexual toxic yuri comic that i was gonna put here with it but the page is way too long so umm guess that'll have to wait.

...

anyways. thank you for reading if you got to the bottom of this! i appreciate all the support that i've been getting lately (extra big kissies for the same like 5 people who always reblog my posts youre the best). and we will be ianthing soo hard in 2024 so watch out!!

[terrapin-might]

Leo really said "is anybody gonna else gonna have a crush on a guy, learn everything they can about street racing and become this guy's rival?" And didn't even try and wait for an answer.

When being some guy's #1 fan isn't enough so you have to become his rival. Many such cases.

But seriously, I've thought more about this and now I know how I want this au to go down. (Strap in, I won first place in the yap-olympics)

It mostly consists of one sided rivals to lovers (my favorite) and happens a bit before the S2 finale and the year between that and the movie. And if wasn't obvious from my other post, it involves street racing (something I know nothing about why'd I choose street racing ugh—)

Pictures are kinda in order too.

Leo sees Usagi race, gets a crush, gets interested in street racing. Has to see every race he competes in from now on.(Top right)

Talks about it to anyone who listens, weirdly only focuses on Usagi hmm, Mikey draws the mystery man. (Don't tell Raph, but the next time Leo called dibs on the last pizza he gave to Mikey so he could have the drawings) (Top left)

Either buys or makes his own merch but I don't think Usagi's the type to make merch or anything like that (doesn't know how, probably wouldn't get the point) tbh so we're going with made. I think April helped. (Bottom left)

And I said they meet because of Usagi saving Leo from some baddies on my last post, that still happens here, it's the first time they meet face to face (or face to Helmut) probably some of Big Mama goons Leo couldn't really fight off because weapons aren't allowed at the races so he and Usagi get to have a romantic bike chase where they try not to crash and die.

Leo deciding if you can't be their boyfriend beat them, be their rival. He trains until he can race Usagi himself. Who is actually happy to have a rival, the weirdo lol. (Bottom right)

I haven't named this AU, so I'll be taking suggestions if you have any (pls give me ideas I don't have any)

After the read more is just an update(?) about my art and posts for people who follow me.

For some reason I've seem to become allergic to digital art, so other than some comics I already planned on posting, this might be my last digital art post for a while. I can draw on paper no problem, I guess drawing on my phone has gotten tiring and my brain hates it for now. We're going traditional baby!

Which is fine because my traditional art is better imo, digital is just easier to color and I'm bad at taking pictures. Like really bad. But I still wanna post art so it'll have to do.

Luckily I was able to finish this but this will be the only nonconic digital art for a while. Had to switch it up though cause I was really struggling the first 30 mins so it's more colorful than my usual art.

Alright that's all bye!

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

♡Weekly Chronicles♡

December 15,2023

Hey babes! This week was amazing I am so happy I have created this blog I love being a blogger. I've wanted to create one for yearssss but I never got the time to do it and didn't know what to base my blog on. I love seeing other girlies on the same journey of self-improvement<3.

♡Education♡

The semester is officially over for me on Saturday I am so excited I need this break because school in general can be so stressful and I need this time to relax and pour into myself more I'll probably be uploading here more frequently while on break. 

♡Mental♡ 

I started antidepressants a little over a month ago and have been loving my journey on them my mind is clearer and I don't feel that little gray cloud following me anymore. I am present and not constantly worrying about others and things that I can't control. This is my first time using medication to finally have control over my mental health. Other than that my mental health has been so good. If you deal with seasonal depression you got this girl it's tough. Trust me I get it I've dealt with seasonal depression and anxiety for years and my inbox is always open for a chat but I ask before you tell me your problems ask how I'm feeling in the moment <3

♡Physical♡

I have been super consistent with my diet! Eating clean and working out every day I have been lifting 3 times a week. I didn't get to lift today because I am currently at work while typing this lol but I will make up for it by lifting tomorrow. I am currently fasting trying to make up fasts from Ramadan before Ramadan comes around again in March and I'm not going to lieeee it has been helping me look extra snatched now! Like I woke up looking in the mirror like yesss but fasting has so many benefits besides keeping you snatched it helps a lot internally as well. I recently ordered some items for my gut health journey and it's at the post office so I'm going to pick it up tomorrow super excited! This is unrelated but last night I didn't want to get out of bed to do my nightly skincare routine but I forced myself to remember my goals so I'm proud of that.

♡Hobbies♡

I have been consistent with my Italian lessons on Duolingo which I highlyyyy recommend for anyone trying to learn a new language the way its set up is perfect for me with the colors and drawing it feels like a game to me lol. I haven't been reading like I was supposed to I think I only read 2 times this week that’s super baddd I need to stay on top of it. I have been blogging consistently and I love seeing you girlies reflagging and hearting my content it means a lot and I def need to do a Q&A I’ll drop one next week for sure. I want to invest in soap making as a new hobby for me it looks like so much fun! 

♡Plans For The Weekend♡

I have a trip coming up next week I'm going to Maryland for a convention with a couple of friends from the 23 to the 27. I am super excited it's going to be so much fun. So this weekend I'm getting a lot of things together. I have to look for a few of my outfits for my trip and I'm waiting for my shoes to come. Also, I have my final this Saturday and an appointment with my OBGYN ladies don’t forget to book appointments for your check-ups your inner health is super important please take care of yourselves!

This was this week's little journal entrieee not that much occurs in my life but I still love the little update I gave you ladiesss. Comment your plans this weekend and how did your week go?

[silly-inky]

Hiya! Hello! It's me, ya boi

Updates people Updates!

So I'm making this sort of list of things I am in the process of making or should start working on soon (or things I have yet to post about yet) with little updates about them

Dimentio drawing- this is going alright so far but is a somewhat complicated piece where I will have 2 different end results, one with his mask and one without. I'm on the shaping phase of my lineart which is usually fun for me but I decided to take a small break from it as I was put off by how much time I spent on the sketch (about 30 hours) this does not mean the piece is complicated, just that it took a while to get everything right. I will get back to drawing this soon. This is a digital drawing

You were someone to me a lifetime ago- so for those who don't know I have a fic I'm working on. I released chapter 4 last month and hope to start working on the 5th chapter this month. After the last chapter was posted I started working on the layout of the story as up until this point I was just winging it and going with the flow with not much of a plan, but I know I should have some sort of base to follow in order to keep my writing consistent and have proper flow, because of this I have planned several chapters in advance now, and those who enjoy it will be happy to know that this fic will most likely have more than 30 chapters although I cannot say what number there will be specifically. I want to try and get more chapters out in a short amount of time as I don't want to drag this out but I cannot promise anything

My writing and ideas- so as said in a previous post, I have quite a few ideas that I have had but didn't share in here either because I was too lazy, forgot, or was self conscious. I will probably start to work on a few I already have written out and start to post them, I will also start to post more headcanon posts. Because of all these ideas I have had I actually have some other things that i will be able to share, which lead into..

Mario AU- an AU ( alternate universe) of which I made sort of out of the blue by accident which I have slowly been building on and I even have some doodles to go along with the basic lore of it. What is this AU you ask? Well you'll just have to wait and see, I will say that there is definitely some role swap in which makes things very interesting

Shipping- so for some who may have guessed, I am a multi-shipper, which isn't anything new but I preface this because of me delving into these ships a bit more. For instance me drawing Dimentio has sparked a lot of Dimentio and Dimigi (Dimentio x Luigi) ideas to form and be made, I shipped it before hand but I was and still am focused on booigi. So you may very well see some Dimigi soon as well as your scheduled booigi

Please do keep in mind like I have stated many times before, I struggle with motivation a lot and it can be very difficult for me to get things done, I don't know when any of this will be finished and forcing myself to get it all finished now will only burn me out more. I'm sorry I haven't been posting a lot of content recently as I've been struggling with a few things recently, I'll try and get content out for you as soon as I can and I hope it will make up for it. I was hoping that at least by posting this you will be aware of my plans and what is currently in the works so you guys are up to date

Also I wanted to just say that I appreciate the asks so much, it really means a lot and I love answering them! I do want to add if you are one of the 2 maybe 3 people who submitted an ask a little while ago, I just want to say that I haven't forgotten about them, I wish to draw proper responses for them I just haven't gotten around to it hey, I hope to answer them soon for you though

Have some old pics of my son (ignore how pale I am)

[anotherchangingtide]

Today was shot #37~

Things went very well; I had to open a new vial, but I'd asked the nurse practitioner about using the same draw-needle for multiple vials, and she said it was perfectly safe to do (so long as the lids are sanitized and I don't use the same needle for more than one dose-day), so I got the last dregs out of the older one before getting the rest of the dose for this week from a new one. The shot itself went fine too; there was very little discomfort before or after, and I didn't experience any upset to my stomach at all (no tums after the eggs!), and the site itself seems like it's not going to trouble me as it heals up.

I expressed my concerns with the nurse practitioner regarding refills on the needles in particular (this wasn't my usual nurse practitioner, who was getting trained last week), and they advised me to start ordering those online instead. The signup part required some additional permissions, but with the clinic's approval, all I'm waiting on now is for the pharmacy to transfer the prescriptions to the online pharmacy instead (which is probably taking a little longer than usual because of the holiday weekend - if the prescriptions still aren't transferred by this weekend, I'll message my nurses to see if they might be able to help). Hopefully this will help to keep the supply a little more consistent, but I'll have to see how things go once that all is ready to go. ~

I'm heading out to the pharmacy to get a refill on the testosterone itself (which can't be fulfilled online, since it's a controlled substance and requires ID to pick up), but I'm not entirely sure how much I'll be picking up today dosage-wise. (It's probably going to be enough to last through to my next checkup, which seems like the standard.)

I'll ask them what I ought to do with my prescription vials once they're emptied, too; it seems like a waste of materials to simply throw them away, but maybe that's the standard for health/safety reasons (??).

Either way, I need to finish getting ready for the trip out. <:

Onward to next week~

[flowerchildwren]

2023 Art Recap

Every year I like to look over an art piece from each month and go over what I like and don't like about it as well as how my art has changed over the year. Also I consistently posted my art on tumblr for a whole year which has never happened before I think

January

It's weird seeing SVO stuff after making the decision to reboot it like a month later. I don't know what is going on here perspective and anatomy wise this piece is just bad.

February

The only piece of Tome art I drew this year, SVR has kept me busy. After doing so much character design this year I look back on some of these designs and think about ways I could make them better but that will have to wait. I don't have to much to say considering this is just a sketch page.

March

I still really like this, It's not my favorite but I like the motion. I think the design and anatomy could be better but I'm just glad I made something considering my biggest issue this year was just not making things.

April

Nothing! Actually it's all just beta designs for SVR most of which are outdated at this point and contain spoilers so I don't want to post them, sorry.

May

Mermay art, Idk what to say, its fine. The shadows on the skin look more like light which doesn't look awful but It's a pretty obvious mistake

June

I'm a big fan of bright cool colors if you couldn't tell. I wonder if next year I'll play with Aria's design more, I feel like I nailed her design pretty early. I hope to have the comic up next year though so I might not.

July

I had not original art here's a study that I did. It doesn't look much like the original and kinda sucks but the point of a study is to get better so it's fine I guess.

August

Where's that Gordan Ramsey "wheres the light source" image I think it really applies to this image. Idk why I decided to draw an image with so many light sources when I already struggle with that.

September

I joked about how the shading on this sucks but honestly I kinda like how it turned out. I have no idea how I ended up doing this and have been trying to figure out how to redo and have failed every time.

October

Backwards hands. Well not really but they're in a really uncomfortable position. I had a lot of fun with this piece but I think that's just because It's Saph and I love her.

November

PFP redraw, I don't actually draw wren that much which is why their design hasn't changed in years. This piece also has the shadows being way to bright because I really wanted to use purple. My brand I guess.

December

This piece destroyed me, I started it during finals as a way to de-stress but it escalated. I do love it though (probably because I spent 12 hours on it) I said last year that 2023 was going to be the year I worked on backgrounds and I just decided to cram all of that into this one piece.

Goals for next year are to start publishing SVR (I'd like to finish act I but knowing me that isn't going to happen)

[stonewallsposts]

16 personalities questions: 49-51

49. Your personal work style is closer to spontaneous bursts of energy than organized and consistent efforts 

This one is kind of funny to me. So one of the things that drives me nuts when I'm watching, for example, a hallmark movie, is the way creative work is portrayed. Within Hallmark movies, there seem to be an inordinate number of creative professional. It's typical to see one stuck on an ad campaign, for example, waiting for a creative lightning strike for inspiration. This just isn't the way creative work happens. If I sat around and waited for this kind of thing, I'd never get anything done. I have had them on occasion, but I can't wait for that. What I do is take the things that the client wants, and then start throwing down ideas. The natural creativity kicks in and you come up with ideas from the things you've culled together. But that happens naturally for creative people. I don't know why, it's just the way we're built. So ultimately, even in creative work, it comes down to organized and consistent efforts as opposed to spontaneous bursts of energy. I'm no different. I have to come up with creative stuff for my job. I have a general procedure for getting started on things, and it involves an organized process. 

50. When someone thinks highly of you, you wonder how long it will take them to feel disappointed in you 

Disagree. I usually expect people are going to think well of me. If they don't at first, I figure it's just a matter of time before they do. I generally think all they have to do is get to know me, and then they'll like me. It's a very few who don't.  

51. You would love a job that requires you to work alone most of the time 

Well, there are certainly times when I like to be left alone, but considering I voluntarily came back to the office even at the beginning of the pandemic, just so I could be here with the few others that were here, I think I could say I have a real-world test of this statement. 

I'll grant that part of that equation is as follows. I'm an artist at law firm. Law firms make money by charging clients with billable hours. Part of my job, from 40-60% of my salary, can be billed because I am doing patent drawings. The rest is not. I'm in essence a luxury for the firm. There is some extra benefit in how quickly I can get drawings done too. For example, the previous guy would take around 3 weeks. I'll do them usually in a few hours. Sometimes it may take me a few days, but most of the time it's a couple of hours. This also translates into more freedom for the attorneys. So there are some benefits even beyond the direct billable hours, but still, my billable's don’t pay for my salary. 

I therefore feel like my presence in the office helps explain what I do. I'm here, and when I accomplish things, I'm usually pretty diligent in making it known to my boss. This is basically political, so that I can establish my worth in whatever way possible. If I were just working at home, at some point, he might be thinking: is it really worth it to have him here? 

So while part of my being at the office is my efforts to contribute to job security, the other is because I actually do like it here. I have a nice office with a great view. My wife worked for 33 years at 3M and the only people who got offices were with a view were upper management. I have a killer view and I'm a nobody. I'm also stoked about it because, let's face it, I worked in construction for a bunch of years, so I just think it's cool to be able to dress nice and go to an office. Yeah, I worked as a freelance illustrator for 22 years between the construction job and here, but still, I remember being dirty for work and wishing I wasn't.  

Add the people in too; like I said, we have a really social office, and overall, I'm really happy being here.  

But considering the question, it's probably not so much about my personal work setup, but where do I fit on the loner v socialite spectrum. I still think I'm further to the social side.  

[maleyanderecafe]

Stalker Shachou no Kareinaru Kyukon ~16-nenkan Suki Datta Nante Kiitemasen~ (Manga)

Created by: Ikka Kisaragi, Michiru Meiji

Genre: Smut/Josei

There have been a lot more male yandere smut lately (maybe it's just me finding out about them), so I decided to take a closer look into that and low and behold, I found another one. Once again, the smut is the most important stuff, but since I don't really care for josei smut that much, I'll just try to summarize the "story" that's going on, which is... pretty absurd, but in an entertaining way. As of writing this, there are 6 chapters.

The story starts with office lady Konoha waking up to see her boss, Kujo sleeping beside her. Kujo suddenly proposed to Konoha yesterday and broke into her house to sleep next to her. He makes her breakfast before the two go to work. At work, Konoha sees just how different he acts with her versus when he's at the workplace, as he's serious and confident at work but extremely sweet and househusband. She tries to look for another job, but since Kujo is rich, there's not really any reason to. Sexy time happens. Kujo continues to follow Konoha around while she tries to figure out what to do, but when he works late she realizes just how lonely she really is. He comes home after listening on his tracking device and more sexy times occur after they watch some TV together. The two go to Kujo's mansion, which is just filled with sculptures, pictures, portraits and even a recreated room of Konoha's high school room. and a high school hologram of her (wait, why a hologram...?). More sexy times (and a weird mention of how he would have done it with a high school Konoha? My dude, that's creepy). They fly for a date and Kujo reveals how they know each other, through his grandfather and her grandmother. Also, he apparently has hired bodyguards for her since she became an orphan. Sexy time on a plane. As she tries to run off embarrassed, she almost falls off the plane because the ladder wasn't properly installed, however, Kujo is able to protect her before passing out because again, they both fell off a plane that didn't have stairs. Kujo is in a coma for a month, which... surprise, he faked (wait, for a whole month? But why?!) Konoha feels embarrassed that she's been essentially crying for a faked coma Kujo for a month and more sexy times occur. The two go on a date together to a movie theater and then her favorite cafe and they talk about how Konoha has just been pushing aside her feelings for the sake of others. Kujo has installed a one way mirror in the booth they're in (What?? HOW?!) and they have exhibitionism sex in the middle of the cafe.

Yeah, I can NOT make this thing up, none of the scenes really make that much sense (I mean it's a smut, so it doesn't have to) but some of these scenarios are really absurd and funny that I can't take this seriously. For a lot of Josei smut I read, usually the plot is either really good or basically nonexistent, but reading some of these scenarios is just absolutely hilarious. Why was the main plot of one chapter him falling out from a plane and faking a coma for a month so he could see Konoha cry? Why does he have a hologram of high school Konoha instead of, I dunno, a statue? How did he install a one way mirror in the booth they were in and how did Kohana not even realize it when she got in? It's probably not even intentional, but these things are really absurd. It also has the more rapey/dubcon stuff that appears in a lot of smut joseis, but as I don't care for those things, I usually just skip it since it doesn't add anything to the "plot". I'm assuming these scenarios are just made so that the artist could draw the smut scenes in different sexy scenarios. Normally, I'd be annoyed by the kind of weird consistency that smut tends to have (although, again, it's smut, sex is literally the most important thing and any good story is just a bonus) but honestly with just how weird and over the top this is, I can't really hate it.

Anyways, if this sounds interesting to you, try it out. It's not that long, it has a stalker yandere in it and it's funny. Just don't take it seriously. It's too bad it got dropped in translations, because I really want to know where it's going.

[heartfulselkie]

Okay so I've gathered my thoughts so I'm just going to go ahead and post this.

This ended up a lot longer than I wanted it to be, so I'm putting the post undercut so as not to be a huge block of text on people's dashes.

Firstly, thank you to those who have been reading and enjoying my fics. It means a lot to me and I really appreciate that some of you even take the time to leave a comment or message me on my Tumblr.

Unfortunately this past year has been particularly rough for me and my mental health has been pretty abysmal. I'm not going to go into the details of it, but things just haven't been great. Writing has helped me a lot with that in the past, but recently it's just not doing the same. I've been writing but it feels like its going nowhere. I try to encourage interraction with my fics/writing on Tumblr but a lot of the time it feels like it comes up empty. Now I'm not blaming anyone or wanting anyone to feel guilty for that. People are allowed to consume fan content as they want and have a choice if they want to respond to it or not. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm forcing them into something they don't want to do. Because I share what I write so that other people can enjoy it and because I love writing.

My love of writing has become complicated though. And that's partly because I've started drawing again and sharing that as well. So now I'm seeing the huge disparity between my art content and writing content. And as much as I appreciate that people like my art, its disheartening for me as a writer. And I've always considered myself a writer before being an artist. It's just been getting harder and harder to write. I've lost a lot of confidence in it. I can see my art posts circling Tumblr again and again while any posts about my fics or to do with writing are just dead in the water after a day. Even if I reblog it multiple times, I'm lucky to get one like each time. Currently my writing takes far more time and effort for me than drawing. I'm feeling pressurised to write a lot and to update a lot just to keep some kind of consistent interest. But I just can't do that with my current health. I'm aware that the gap between chapter updates for Citrus and Lavender has slowly been getting longer and I hate it.

So now that I've hopefully explained the context, what does it mean?

The next chapter of Citrus and Lavender is going to be the last one for a while. Once I've finished chapter 33 and uploaded it, the fic will be going into hiatus. I need to put my writing and AO3 aside for the time being. At least until I can let go of the false expectations and pressure I've built for myself. It takes way too much of my time and effort for me to write fanfic for me to only feel inadequate with it. And I know I'm a capable writer, or at least I believe myself to be. But for the moment I'm just not in the best headspace for it.

I'm really sorry for this. Especially since chapter 33 for Citrus and Lavender is going to be a shit cut off point. I do still have every intention of finishing the fic, it's just going to be a long wait for it. I'll keep working on it at my own pace, I'll just not be uploading the chapters until probably the whole fic is done. By then I'll hopefully be in a better headspace to share it.

For my other fanfic WIPs I'm not too sure. They'll be in limbo for the time being while I work on them occasionally. But I'm not planning to be uploading any individual chapter of a multichapter fic for the foreseeable future.

As for my Tumblr I'll be cutting back my activity there too. I'll still post on occassion or share some of my art, but I will be a lot less present than I have been.

Again I want to stress that this is not meant to serve as a guilt trip for anyone. This has just been a PSA on my current state and how I can't continue to keep going as I have been. I just need time to find my own value in my writing again.

Thanks to everyone who has left comments on my fics or reached out to me to tell me how much they enjoy my work. It's meant a lot to me and given me enough to know there are people out there that like what I share, no matter what my insecurity tells me.

And thank you to everyone who took the time to read all of this. I appreciate it.

[poguestvff]

LIKE A BIG SISTER SHOULD — WHEEZIE CAMERON

in which wheezie cameron finds that blood doesn’t make you family, love and affection does.

taglist | masterlist | 2.5k words | @pogueslandia ,

warning(s): food, she/her pronouns, ward slander, a little sarah slander but that’d include reading between the lines. why’d this make me want to make a series of reader and Wheezie being best friends.

There's always been a heavy feeling of loneliness that rested upon the youngest cameron's shoulders, weighing her down as it seemed to pile over the years. Her siblings were always older, an age gap between them that even if it was shortened by a few years, their worlds would still be two different things. All three of them were in three different stages of life yet somehow it felt like Wheezie wasn't even there at times.

Throughout the entirety of her schooling career so far, everything had somehow been about Rafe and Sarah. Sarah was the perfect one; the paragon who could do no wrong. Even if Sarah tried to disobey, it'd be turned around to be made out as a minute mistake. She'd probably be able to get away with it a second time if she did it a different way. Maybe the same way.

Rafe was quite the opposite. The bastard child who needed a plentiful amount of attention in hopes he can be more like the paragon. With all this attention, his head only grew. It never gave him the space for growth. It minimized the space to stay exactly where he was for years on end.

This left Wheezie to be the ostracized sibling. She wasn't a social butterfly or a poster child like Sarah and she definitely wasn't a loner or the 'damaged goods' child like Rafe. She was just... average. With average grades and an average personality. Just average old Wheezie. She told herself this consistently, watching her father balance his attention between making sure Rafe stayed between the lines he'd drawn for him in a radius such as a dart board and allowing Sarah step out of them, even erasing some of the lines so she could walk on by them without a second thought.

But Wheezie was stuck in that tiny little circle in the middle, the bullseye as if scared to move out of those lines. The one place that was the hardest to pinpoint specifically by her father. But there was one thing Ward Cameron always said correct about his younger daughter. That he wouldn't be able to pin point his little dart of control into the middle of the board because she was misunderstood and misunderstood she was.

Though one person had been able to pick up on every single one of Wheezie's emotions.

Y/n Y/L/N was a pogue who had done tutoring on the side for a little extra money and when John B had recommended Y/n for help with Wheezie's homework, Ward was quick to say okay. He hardly even asked a thing about Y/n, just telling her to help Wheezie pass eighth grade and that was all. It was made very apparent to Y/n that was Wheezie was not as much of a priority to Ward as other things were.

Their first tutoring session, Wheezie was awfully dismissive. She didn't care for any of Y/n's efforts as they sat within the comfort of Wheezie's bedroom. She just wanted the entire hour to be over with the second she'd entered her room but Y/n was insistent, knowing that by the end of the school year she would have something instilled in Wheezie's brain. She just didn't know what that something was yet.

The second time they met, Y/n was more passive aggressive in hopes of breaking down the brick walls Wheezie had stored between her and everyone else in hopes of not disappointing them like the way she thought she'd disappointed her father. Y/n sat her down in her desk chair, swiveling her chair to her as she rested her hands on the younger girls shoulders. "You are going to have a really awkward couple of weeks if you and i don't become friends so no work today. We're playing 20 questions."

That night, Y/n learned a lot about Wheezie Cameron that she never thought she'd learned. Wheezie hated the color purple, she just painted her room that color because Sarah liked that color. Wheezie loved to paint and to draw, it was her favorite activity, she just rarely showed it bevause she hadn't believed in herself. Though, when she showed Y/n the canvas' that were shoved at the back of the closet, Y/n marveled at them. But Y/n's favorite fact, and the same one that almost made her hug Wheezie on the spot, was that she was never taught to swim and Y/n made her a promise that she would teach her.

As the weeks went by, Wheezie waiting anticipatingly for Y/n's beaten down, green ford bronco to pull up on the driveway and she'd leave the house with a giant smile on her face. It’d be early in the morning, a little less than an hour until school started, just like how Wheezie liked. She'd jump in the driver seat, embracing the smell of vanilla from the scented item hanging from the rear view mirror. She’d toss her bag to the back as Y/n would ruffle her hair, just like she had every morning. "And beloved was set in... late 1856!" Wheezie answered excitedly as Y/n drove down the final street towards her school after the two had gotten breakfast together.

"Perfect! You're gonna do so good on your test, Wheeze, I promise." Y/n told her ecstatically as she pulled into a parking space. Just before Wheezie could get out, Y/n held her upper arm just to gain her attention before she got out. "Tell Rose she doesn't have to get you after school. I'll leave school early and you and I are having a girls day. No studying, just me, you and a shit ton of sweets."

Wheezie smiled, she could feel the muscles in her jaw begin to hurt from how wide she had. She tilted her head to the side out of curiosity, eyeing the look of excitement on Y/n's face. "But why?"

Y/n shrugged, adjusting in her seat and fixing her rear view mirror. "Cause, you deserve it. I'm so proud of you, Little W." She told her, looking back towards the girl and seeing her smile slightly drop. "You okay?"

Wheezie couldn't remember a time where she was genuinely told that. Yeah, sure, Ward said it a few times but it'd be in a lousy tone before he'd wave her off, saying he was busy with whatever office work he had to attend to. Sarah may have said it a few times but it was rushed before she'd run after her friends with a quick goodbye to Wheeze, leaving her alone in the sand. It was never sincere. Not in the way Y/n had said it.

She rubbed her hands against her jean clad thighs with a sharp breath before nodding. “Yeah. I've just never really been told that before. Like—Like genuinely." She said, lowly, in hopes Y/n would understand and wouldn't push it.

Y/n had known Wheezie long enough to know her tells and avoiding eye contact was one of the biggest ones. So she didn't indulge further in the conversation, brushing it under the rug but knowing she'd have to go diving back in for that little tidbit later on. Instead she wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug from over the console. "I'll tell you i'm proud of you everyday if i have to." Y/n muttered before kissing the top of her head. "Now go, if you're late to first period, your dad will kill me." And Wheezie was able to leave the car with a smile on her face, already looking forward to the day planned later on.

Y/n was overall consistent, it was one thing Wheezie enjoyed knowing that when she made promises she tried to keep them as best as she could. Sometimes things slipped her mind but Wheezie could recognize that Y/n didn't forget a thing when it came to Wheezie. Like she made sure to engrave bits and pieces of her into her mind like a data chart. But it showed she cared and that was enough for Wheezie.

Y/n cared enough that when she entered her car after school, the smell of her favorite cinnabon's filled the car that made her look in the backseat, seeing a picnic basket. There wasn't a chance, right? You could only get them on the mainland. She turned her body swiftly towards the elder girl who sat with a smirk on her face. "You didn't?"

"I did. Second I left fourth period, got on a ferry just for you to have those overly sweet treats." Y/n said, tapping her nose with a 'boop'! "And I almost got stuck on the mainland because of it so you better enjoy the hell out of them."

"I will, I promise." Wheezie said dramatically as Y/n smiled, pulling out of the parking space to head down to the beach. Wheezie had said she didn't have a bathing suit, not prepared for the outing, though Y/n already said she had ransacked her room for clothes for after. Y/n was the only person allowed in Wheezie Cameron's room without Wheezie being there and the elder girl took pride in it.

As Y/n set up their small area for the few hours, she noticed Wheezie standing just where the water and the sand met. She kicked around the water with clear disinterest causing Y/n to huff, hands on her hips, before tossing off her hoodie to get in. The splash she'd made by pushing herself into the water made Wheezie jump, a laugh falling from the two's lips. "Come on." Y/n said, standing and holding her hands out to Wheezie.

"Y/n/n, I can't swim."

"Y/n/n I can't swim, well, obvi, i know that, little W. But, you have your amazing best friend to keep you afloat. I won't let you go, i swear." Y/n said, holding up her pinky.

"Swear?"

"On my life." She reassured with a trusting smile before Wheezie walked further in. When the water had gotten to her above her waist, it'd freaked her out a bit though Y/n talked her through it, coaxing her further in slowly. Wheezie was kept above the water as Y/n held her hands as the buoyancy was used to their advantage. "See, not as bad as you thought?"

Wheezie shook her head though still nervous. "Not as bad, not my thing though."

"Why don't we try actually swimming? I won't force you if you don't want to and we can get back to shore right now but maybe just try?" She asked as Wheezie had to think about it for a moment. She almost felt guilty, remembing just a few months ago when Sarah had asked her if she could teach her but she refused. Though maybe, just maybe, it was because of Y/n being a bit more trust worthy that Wheezie said yes this time.

It took a while, Wheezie was frightened by letting go even as Y/n would say she was okay. Wheezie would tighten her grip on her shoulders before trying again and again until she eventually got it. She finally was able to keep herself above the water without flailing, recognizing that she was okay. Y/n cheered as she watched, not caring for the stares of others around them. "See, dude? You just have to start applying yourself! You did it!"

"I did it!" Wheezie said as Y/n hugged her, the two laughing before Wheezie screamed making Y/n's laughter die fast. "Something touched me!"

"Wheeze, it was seaweed." Y/n said softly before turning and letting her place her hands on her shoulders. "Yeah let's get you out of here before a jellyfish gets you."

Wheezie widened her eyes. "Jellyfish?"

As the sun had began to set and people had packed up their things and left, Y/n and Wheezie stayed. Wheezie was on her fourth doughy treat, even though Y/n told her to slow down two treats ago. Towels were wrapped around each of their shoulders as they watched the pretty colors fade in to one another, a mixture of pink, blue and orange array of colors combining to make a cotton candy sky. Wheezie watched as Y/n got up, accepting a phone call from Ward, the only phone call she hadn't silenced since they'd left the car.

In the time she'd left, Wheezie took advantage of it to recognize how appreciative she was of all that Y/n was doing for her. She came in as a tutor and, to Wheezie, was to stay as a friend. As family. Wheezie was more then ecstatic to have someone who would be there to rant and rave about the other Cameron's, someone she could trust with her secrets and the contents of her always running brain. Someone who was just there.

"Hey, your father would like us back in thirty so we should leave in ten." She said coming back and sitting beside Wheezie as she caught sight of her face, the lack of the smile that was there previously concerning her. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, really. Just... I really enjoyed today, Y/n. It really lets me know you're not just here for like... like the money or something."

Y/n let out a scoff. "Are you kidding? I enjoy nothing more than watching you freak out over the existence of jellyfish." She joked as Wheezie pushed her to the side with a laugh. Y/n recovered, letting out a content sigh as she tossed an arm over Wheezie's shoulders. "You're stuck with me now, Wheezes. Can't wait to record you falling at your next soccer game."

Wheezie couldn't help the laugh that slipped past her lips, leaning into Y/n's embrace as her head rested against her clavicle. "And I'll be looking for you in the stands, Y/n/n."

Y/n and Wheezie had both found out something about the other that night. Wheezie found that she didn't want to be like Sarah and she was glad she wasn't like Rafe. She was content with her own little circle on the dart board but maybe she could take a bit after her newest role model. And Y/n found that she was able to instill several things into the youngers mind including To Kill a Mockingbird, Inca Civilizations, and that she now had a true and present big sister to look up to.

[kyotakumrau]

2021.09.03 DIR EN GREY at CLUB CITTA' -a knot only- report&setlist

September the 3rd was a gloomy rainy day. But it was a start of TOUR21 DESPERATE.

First, we had to exchange our digital tickets for the paper tickets (also confirming the green screen from the questionnaire), then we used the paper tickets when entering. We used the alcohol for hands, got the temperature checked and then tore the tickets ourselves.

It was starting to rain so my friend and I entered quite early. I bought some extra stickers because 9/3 design had Kyo (normal stickers have a date, of you were lucky you also got a shiny one with a band member or a one with all 5 of them). Then we sat and waited for the start.

I'm not a big fan of seats in CITTA. My seat was the last row of the center block. It was very narrow and they had all rows lined up in a way that each seat was perfectly behing the one in the front. When you're on the side it's probably not a problem but for the people in the center it wasn't the best seat plan. I'm glad I was wearing heels (I knew I'll be 逆最前😆).

The stage was quite simple (for dir), but there was still a huge screen in the back. Kaoru's amps have his b&w drawings (one figure in the dark and two faces). Toshiya's are white.

Kyo's stand has the pregnant lady (belly and legs). Die's amps were his regular red.

From the BGM songs my favourite was Theme of High Heels by Ryuichi Sakamoto! There were many metal songs, including Metallica's Unforgiven and also songs like Enya.

The usual announcements they play before the show about the rules etc got updated, they also changed the person (how many years they've been using the same person?).

And then finally it was 6:34-ish and the lights went off. The opening video for the tour consisted of images of sick white people, hospitals, some images from the US regarding discrimination, one image that I remembered well was a sign with 'AmeriKKKa' (I hope to see next time what the sign said).

Fans greeted the band with clapping, it got fiercer each time one of them came on stage.

Kaoru had a dark jacket with dark shirt, his hair was all styled. Toshiya had a white floaty shirt with a (most likely) flower made of fabric, with white on top and more black on the bottom. Die had a black jacket and his signature hair. Shinya was someone I only caught glimpses because of the taller guy in front of me.

Kyo wore an Adidas jacket over a white t-shirt, and he also had Adidas shorts. Very comfy! He went for gold accessories, he had a chain, rings etc. He wears his hair short, with cropped fringe that goes little longer on one side.

The setlist was so interesting!

SE

01 Spilled Milk

02 -朔-saku

03 REPETITION OF HATRED

04 The Fatal Believer

.

05 てふてふ・Tefutefu

06 欲巣にDREAMBOX

07 谿壑の欲・Keigaku no yoku

.

08 赫・Aka

09 Ranunculus

.

10 Devote My Life

11 CLEVER SLEAZOID

12 T.D.F.F.

13 落ちたことのある空・Ochita

14 人間を被る・Ningen wo Kaburu

.

ENCORE

en15 朧・Oboro

en16 Followers

en17 Rubbish Heap

en18 詩踏み・Utafumi

en19 Sustain the Untruth

The flow of the setlist was insane, they started with MARROW and Wtd and then gradually moved to the newer stuff. It worked so well!

The rules from CITTA said no shouting and singing, no moving from our seats (standing up was okay) and no excessive headbanging😂 as in to avoid touching other fans in any way, but even in the narrow space each of us got some of us managed😆

Audience side was QUIET but the response each song got was fierce, with arms in the air, people jumping in place and some (non-excessive!😂) headbanging.

Most of the short breaks between the block of songs were quiet as well, Kyo went to his area in front of the drum set.

There was one video with an abandoned boarsing school or pediatric psychiatric hospital that was quite disturbing, the pig. (maybe DREAMBOX or Keigaku???)

The ending of DREAMBOX was so raw woah.

Even as we couldn't join in singing Kyo often gestured at us when it was our part leaving it unsang (Toshiya was doing those parts) so we could join with our hands and with our hearts.

And damn, Ranunculus.

The break that followed was the only break when we clapped.

The video for DEVOTE, omg!!! They again had the currupted Olympics video. It started with 'TOKYO COVID-19' and then had the giant gold babies marching and fighting, money everywhere, the last image was an olympic logo made from 5 coins that were melting. We went nuts.

And the last block of songs, that was so brutal, so amazing! Kyo was headbanging himself, or jumping, all the time looking at us and asking to give him more.

T.D.F.F. works so well live!! Even with us not being able to go truly crazy the song slayed.

After the main part we continued clapping until the band came back. But it was quite fun as we kept changing the speed and rhythm😂

I think all band members changed for the encore. Kaoru has a dark jacket but with an interesting tie with geometric print. Toshiya wore a black floaty shirt. Kyo the tour t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. Shinya... something black? Die wore the purple tour shirt with the sleeves cut off.

Oboro was very raw. I'm so curious what it will feel like when the rules for concerts change/go back to normal.

And then Followers. SAVE brought up so much warmth, so much energy, we all stayed with our hands raised high, both emitting and charging at the same time.

Then from Rubbish Heap we got to use some of that energy😆

Before Sustain Kyo got up on his stand and announced LAST song, while punching his chest he said to let them hear us from 'our hearts', our 'heart voice' 😊

I feel, I hope, we delivered!  During Sustain Kyo went to the sides of the stage, singing while looking at fans, making sure everyone is there 100%.

I also remember one moment when Toshiya was standing by the edge of the stage had his bass high above his head.

When encore ended, there were so many smiles from the band members! Kyo stayed a bit on his stand, clapping with us, pointing at various areas before waving bye and leaving. Other band members moved a bit more on the stage. Like we were sending our heart voice, I felt Kaoru was sending us his heart picks, because he walked and stood with the pick in his outstretched hand😆

Die was the last one to leave the stage, his last wave showed he got quite emotional😊❤️

The applause!!!!👏👏👏

[wyrmy-fics]

❃ Drawing Subject ❃

Kaeya X Albedo fic.

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Hello again! Finally picking back up with writing after a well deserved hiatus. This was written over the course of a month or two so it’s not entirely consistent and doesn’t have a proper ending to it, but I just wanted to write about these two captains realizing how pretty they are…. 🤲 (will edit this over time probably)

Reblogs and requests are appreciated. :)

Includes: Kaeya, Albedo.

Warnings -> N/A

Type: Character ship fanfic.

Intro -

"What is this?" The tune of the calvary captains voice caught Albedo's attention, causing the latter to set down a pair of vials in response. A sheet of paper hung from between Kaeya's fingertips along with a playful grin stretched out.

"That's..." Albedo started, trying to find the proper explanation in this situation. The paper displayed a doodle with only three strokes etched in; a circle for a head, a long string across the circle... And an eyepatch attached. He cleared his throat before continuing, "Klee had requested it. I hadn't the time or proper reference to do much more."

A quiet hum filled the awkwardness in the room as Kaeya examined over the drawing once more. It left the alchemist wondering how it had come into their conversation, much less Kaeya's possession, but the train of thought was soon interrupted.

"You could have at least added the hair."

"That's your concern—?"

"It's an important detail."

"As I said, I didn't have a proper reference to grab such details. Usually I would work with my subject at hand, but—"

"Oh?" This new information peaked Kaeya's curiosity as if a lightbulb illuminated above his head. Setting the paper down to fold his arms across his chest, the captain strode closer. "Then, if you had your subject with you, would you try it again?"

The question had momentarily silenced Albedo while it processed in his mind. It was common to see such a reaction from the other over the simplest things, mostly resulting in some sort of teasing, but never for his drawings. He turned his body to mirror Kaeya's stance, "I suppose I would."

"Great. I'll be free in my office in the next hour or so. Don't keep me waiting too long, will you?"

.

.

.

"All I have to do is sit here, yes?"

"If you please."

The cavalry office wasn't the biggest room in the Favonius Headquarters, but without much of a cavalry to captain, the space was wide enough for one person to do as they please. Any company was welcome to fill in the empty spots and distract him from the agonizing hours of paperwork. Taking advantage of this, Albedo situated an area for him to work.

It was a sight to see; the couch was strategically positioned away from it's usual place against the wall and right in front stood a tall easle. Any type of work to such length should be handled with care, Albedo thought, much to the surprise of the other.

"I didn't know such a request would have struck something in you, Chief Alchemist. I can't say I'm complaining, though," Kaeya said, stepping in front of the couch into position.

The artist in question hadn't looked up from his preparations just yet. Setting the sketchbook in it's place along with the few charcoal pencils, he replied, "Correct me if I'm wrong, Captain, but there's no harm in taking such a thing seriously."

"Nothing to correct here," An amused huff followed his reply.

Everything was set and ready to begin - however, there was one last adjustment to be made first. Finally looking up from the easle with his chin pinched, Albedo spoke up, "If you don't mind, could you remove your boa?"

Kaeya raised an eyebrow, "You're asking me to undress now? If I had known it was that type of artwork, I would have prepared myself a little more." His teasing only resulted in a head shake of the other.

"No, that's not it... I'd like to remove any distractions from your face. But you're welcome to keep it on if you feel more comfortable that way."

That's what intrigued him the most about Albedo - no matter how much the captain tried, there was no way to completely throw the other off guard. It kept things interesting to find himself at a loss for how to gain back the upper hand. Silently accepting the favor, Kaeya reached up to unclip the feathery boa from his shoulder, bringing his cape along with it.

Without such an accessory shaping his face, it was clear to see there wasn't much else to his design. An approved nod from Albedo set them both back into their previous rhythm now that he could focus on each detail - at least in more than three strokes.

Kaeya sat himself down onto the couch and crossed his legs, draping an arm over the back of the frame to give himself a pose that could show as much as possible. "How is this?"

"That's fine," Albedo replied, turning his view back to the easle, "Make sure not to move too much."

The initial sketching process was the slowest part of this whole ordeal. Albedo's primary focus was placing in the guidelines and rough movements in order to capture the pose Kaeya was placed and work from there. Though the room fell completely quiet aside from the paper, it was comfortable between the two.

And then, it began. Detail by detail began to form over the sketch and the charcoal pencil would flip to the rubber end occasionally, letting Albedo render in what was needed. His eyes would dart back and forth from his subject and the piece so that nothing was left untouched; his gaze falling into a more serious and concentrated stare.

From Kaeya's point of view, it was a sight worth remembering. Not once had he seen the Chief Alchemist so willing, so vulnerable. Every little habit had made it's way to the surface as the captain watched with care. The way Albedo would tap the pencil on his chin while thinking of how to properly execute certain details, or the way he would hum to himself in approval after perfecting it. His mouth would twist and turn in different ways as he lost himself in the process, allowing Kaeya's own to turn upright into a small smile.

On the other hand, Albedo couldn't help but use this opportunity to completely take in the sight of the other. What fascinated him the most about the world was the fact he never properly fit in amongst other humans, since he himself was not one. The alchemists goal was to find answers and construct creations during his time in Mondstat, for the sole purpose of his master and to ease his own curiosity.

However, as anyone could have guessed, Kaeya also does not fit in with the other humans of Mond. He was human at the least, but far different than any of the other captains or civillians. What could possibly be under that eyepatch, Albedo wondered as he filled in the gold designs along the leather covering. What kind of secrets hide behind that smile, what creatures have those gloved hands fought?

And in sync, they both recognized each others beauty enveloped in vulnerability. It was the only time to notice the way their skin contrasted each others from pale to tan, forming over their bones and muscles perfectly. The braided hair that was meticulously cared for with utmost patience somehow matched the long and messy blue draped over the couch.

Was this really a request for an artist, or simply two curious individuals wanting a closer look?

The occasional small talk would happen during their session, but the majority of their time together remained in each others quiet company. As it slowly came to a close, the moments they shared were kept confidential between the two. They weren’t ashamed or forced to stay hushed about the events that took place, but there wasn’t a need to flaunt either.

Though Master Jean tends to ask where the framed drawing on Kaeya's desk came from, to which he simply responds, "It was a gift."

-

Thank you for reading! Not too happy with the ending and can make a part 2 if requested…? :) 💙