#I'll never understand people thinking they have to look a certain way in order to be part of a music-based subculture

[joejhang]

fanon neil vs canon neil

god i am so FUCKING done with the aftg fandom mischaracterising neil i'm literally writing fucking ESSAYS about it and pacing circles muttering about it under my breath it's driving me up the goddamn wall so i am going to word vomit brain dump yap about all of it in an incoherent tumblr text post. spoilers ahead continue at ur own risk

i've said it before and i'll say it again I HATE FANON NEIL. istg this fandom LOVES to mischaracterise neil and ykw i think i know why. they take the smallest most unnoticeable parts of his personality and then exaggerate them to disproportionate and unrealistic levels in order for him to fit their idea of a conventional, stereotypical and desirable main character. they smooth out his jagged edges and prick at his "insecurities" to make him more likeable, more acceptable and more conventional of a narrator/main character and in doing so erase so fucking much of his personality and draw as a character that he loses just about all of the flavour that made me love him in canon. and also especially within the andreil dynamic this fucking fandom just loves to tweak neil's character until he's basically unrecognisable just so they can cram andreil into some preconceived socially acceptable clichéd ship dynamic. because andrew is perceived as the typical mysterious, moody and grumpy love interest therefore neil just has to be the sunshiney smiley blushing cute softboy in exchange. yeah because all gay ships have to be grumpy-sunshine and black cat-golden retriever dynamic. i raise you: andreil's dynamic doesn't work because of their differences it works because of their similarities. if u think about it andrew and neil are honestly very similar people in the way they think and process emotions and events and that's what allows them to connect and understand each other. andreil would not work if neil was super sunshiney and a blushy soft mess and andrew was the stoic, never smiling, unemotional stone of a guy the fandom loves to make them. just accept they do not fit into the conventional boxes laid out by booktok for what gay ships look like. i fucking digress.

neil is also just insanely mischaracterised on his own. people love making him very jittery and insanely oblivious and easily flustered with a generous serving of self-esteem issues. i hate to break it to you guys: neil josten is not insecure. i don't think there's a single instant in the series where neil is actually insecure about anything. as a narrator, person and character, neil is very realistic, pragmatic and logical. ruthlessly so. i'd say on this, neil is even more cerebral and unemotional than andrew is. neil is very straightforward and realistic abt himself in his narration and i'd honestly say his opinion and views about himself are one of the only things in the story that isn't affected by his narrator bias. if neil is anything, it's self-aware. i'm now going to present all my fucking evidence.

neil doesn't have a sexuality crisis. literally in the entire series never once does he even question his fucking sexuality. it's implied he's already figured out he's aspec/demisexual from the moment nicky questions him about his sexuality. neil says "i don't swing" and follows up in his narration: it wasn't quite the truth, but it was close enough. and later when he starts his relationship with andrew he doesn't ever question the nature of his feelings towards andrew or even anyone else and is pretty clear about it when andrew breaches the topic: "kissing you doesn't make me look at them any differently" so yeah neil is pretty certain and aware of his sexuality.

neil isn't insecure about his appearance. i feel like this is gonna require a bit of work to explain but hear me out. it is mentioned several times that neil has a complicated relationship with his appearance because he looks so much like his father/abuser. this is obviously understandable; you wouldn't want to look into the mirror and see the man who gave u all ur scars. that being said, neil doesn't have a lot of strong emotions regarding his appearance. most of his feelings of panic tied to when r*ko dyed back his hair is because of how it would be a lot easier for his father to discover him now that he has his original colouring back. i'm also pretty sure neil knows that he's cute. like it's never explicitly stated but i've reread aftg maybe fifty times and trust me i can read between the lines. neil explicitly says that he has a "love-hate relationship with his reflection out of necessity" and while the "hate" part of that statement is obvious: he doesn't like that he resembles his father, i've sort of just accepted that the "love" part of it is that he knows he's kinda fine. it's not brought up by him at all bc neil as a person is not one to linger on people's appearances almost at all. i think the only people to get a decent amount of lines dedicated to their appearance in the narration are allison and andrew. but yeah i genuinely don't think neil thinks he's ugly or unattractive and he's probably definitely been told how cute he is by others enough that he doesn't harbour any delusions about how he looks. regarding his scars, he never expresses any insecurity towards them and how they look, he just doesn't like them on display understandably bc of how acutely they point to his past and childhood that he's trying to hide.

neil is actually very very confident in his own and other people's abilties. this is esp regarding exy. he knows he's good at the game. like he knows. the most distinct example i can think of for this point is when kevin tells neil that he was at castle evermore to try out for the perfect court when they were younger. neil doesn't even doubt for a fucking second that he would've made it onto the perfect court. never does. he skips over the second-guessing and doubt part and just straight up starts daydreaming about the future he could've had playing with kevin and r*ko. like that really got me bc it's easy to assume neil would be super unassuming and have low self-esteem but no like neil doesn't doubt for a fucking second that he deserves to be perfect court. it's just that he doesn't believe in r*ko's delusions enough to play along with it by the time he gets the tattoo. he's also insanely confident about the foxes and their abilities and also kevin by the end of the series. at the beginning he takes a pretty realistic vantage point and says that with the way things are, the foxes will never beat the ravens. but even with that pov he still has the gall to challenge r*ko on LIVE TV and i doubt he's lying when he declares so boldly to everyone that if the foxes were united they'd be an unstoppable force (and guess what he was fucking RIGHT). and by the end, when the foxes are united, he has no more room left for doubt at all. some guy tells neil to kick the ravens' asses and neil just replies with zero hesitation "that's the plan". like he's so fucking on board with it. and he never once doubts that kevin is the best striker in the game. like literally never. at first he considers r*ko and kevin on par with each other (possibly, it's never stated outright) but by the end he literally has no doubts when he says "kevin is the best striker" like goddamn the amount of confidence neil has is so underrated.

neil is a very unemotional narrator. it actually gets me all the time how logical and ruthlessly pragmatic neil's narration and inner monologue is. some of the only strong emotions portrayed in neil's narration are anger, irritation and occasionally grief, which is only ever triggered by major trauma-inducing events (e.g. dr*ke). almost all of his inner monologue is analytical and observing others and dissecting either other people or the situation he's in. and almost all of his decisions and actions are made based on impulse and instinct. neil is a very instinctive person. this is outright stated in the way he plays exy; in theory, he can't give u a lot, but in the heat of the moment he's at his best. this applies to practically all facets of neil's life. he never plans his moves or what he's gonna say (except like that one time when he planned out what half-truth he was gonna tell andrew post-columbia). he's super quick and on the ball and literally does whatever the fuck he wants at any given moment. he's also insanely good at compartmentalising. like it's difficult to explain but while his priorities are obv hilariously skewed, they're also very clear in his mind. things he considers unimportant he simply just doesn't think about. what others look like and what they think of him don't factor into his internal monologue or his thoughts at all he literally just files them away in the back of his mind until they do end up becoming useful or important to him. he barely comments on andrew's appearance at all until andrew becomes someone worth staring at and admiring for him. the only reason he describes allison and renee in the detail that he does is because it's important in understanding how and why he reacts to them the way he does. this man was literally about to lose his goddamn mind at the fall banquet but he specifically reserved his mental breakdown for after the banquet so he could spend his time roasting the fuck out of r*ko. bro fully locked in and was like "clock riko now break down later" and i respect it.

neil doesn't actually have a martyr complex. it's funny because almost all of aftg is him being the absolute fucking opposite of a martyr. he wilfully sticks around the foxes knowing he's putting himself and them in danger. he doesn't "sacrifice" himself until he's absolutely forced to by his father's people. by then, he's already told himself he can't and won't run and he's smart enough to know he'll never get away anyway. and going to evermore wasn't about self-sacrifice or martyrdom it was about protecting andrew and those two are pretty fucking different. he knew he was coming back from evermore and he knew that he wouldn't die there, despite all the shit he went through, so i don't think that can be counted as "self-sacrifice". he was doing what he had to do to protect andrew, the same as andrew would've done for neil or aaron or kevin or anyone else he'd sworn to protect. the kidnapping in baltimore was the culmination of neil's character arc, which isn't really about learning to be selfless and self-sacrificing, it's about learning to stand his ground and stop running. those things r crucially different: neil not running in baltimore wasn't about selflessness, it was about courage. yes, part of it was obviously inspired by the foxes and motivated by not wanting them to be hurt but i truly believe it ultimately was about neil learning to stand his own ground and make his own home and have it be something he's willing to die for. call it whatever u want honestly i just don't think neil is as much of a martyr/sacrificial lamb as the fandom makes him out to be.

[mechanical-sunchild]

Theriform FAQ

The aim of this post is to answer the questions brought up by my coining of, and some of the community's usage of, the term 'theriform'. Hopefully it will address everything, but if you have a new question feel free to comment and I'll add it after.

Is there a coining post for this term?

Yes, here. You can also access other bits of information via my tag for it.

Does this term have a flag or symbol?

No, as a term which exists to describe what kind of animal an animal is, it doesn't need to represented like an identity term. The only spinoff term which might benefit from one should someone feel like it is theriformic (see below). Please do not use it for yourself as a microlabel.

Can you simplify your definition for me?

Theriform is a word which can be used to describe a kind of animal. In order to count as theriform an animal must;

- Look like a typical member of it's species to everyone

- Have the level of sentience typical of it's species

- Have never grown up being seen as and treated as a member of the human species and/or believing itself human

- Experience no changes in behaviour/abilities/psychological function due to being made to live a humans life/live as human

Failure to meet all of these criteria 98% of the time means that theriform does not apply - except in circumstances where any of the points but especially the last two are not met for unnatural reasons (such as theriform nonhuman primates being treated as human and made to live a human-like life and experiencing behaviour changes because of it) and thus were previously met, are temporarily not met and the other criteria is met.

It is made to replace the word 'biological' in the phrase 'therians and biological animals' and similar, but is not a synonym for biological. See below.

Are humans theriform?

Humans are not theriform as this is a nonhuman community only term. In the same way that a human who identifies only as human is not a therian.

The term orthohuman (not my creation) may be what you're looking for if you're looking for something to mean 'a human, but not an alterhuman'.

What do you mean by looks like a typical member of it's species?

An animal that if anyone, nonhumans and humans alike, were given a picture of would point and go 'that's a [animal]'. An animal whose picture would be used to illustrate 'this is what this looks like' in applicable places (like wikis, or scientific research). An animal whose shape is what people think of when thinking of that animal.

What do you mean by 'level of sentience typical of it's species'?

What it says on the tin actually. This does not mean 'below human level' necessarily though, as some creatures such as dragons may be typically as sentient if not more than humans and this still counts.

What do you mean by behaviour and psychological changes?

Living in a human domicile, wearing clothes, walking bipedally if a quadraped, speaking/utilising a human language with full understanding of such, vegetarian/vegan lifestyles based on ethics, having ethics based on human morals to begin with, enjoying activities made for and by humans, human-like sexuality and gender expressions etc

What is the purpose/origin of this term?

As someone who is physically nonhuman and generally conscious of species-invalidating language, I struggled to find a word that allowed me to discuss certain subjects (outlined below) without using said invalidating language. Previously I'd see people use 'real', 'biological', 'physical' and 'non-therian'. I found that each of these had their own problems, most being invalidating and the last being clunky (though not unusable).

It can be and was intended to be used in these and similar circumstances;

Talks about animal welfare

Talking about the 'human' rights of alter/nonhumans despite their nonhuman species

Talks about animal husbandry

Talking about pets

Transspecies transition goals

Discussing differences between the self and others of your species who are theriform

Differentiation between theriform and other kinds of animals in topics which contain both, or one in particular and it's important for the topic to know which

It is not to be used to in these ways/to mean these things or similar;

The animal is biologically their species whilst a therian/nonhuman never is

The animal is really their species, whilst a therian/nonhuman is not

There is some kind of hierarchy where theriforms are above any other kind of animal

'An animal which was born as an animal' whereas a therian never is

What if I'm not an animal and want a word to mean the same thing as theriform?

Feel free to add a different prefix and run with it! Floraform, voidform, deiform etc

How is this term inclusive of physical nonhumans/CLCZ/endels when it's dividing members of our species based on biology?

In terms of physical nonhumans, note that the definition does not say that a theriform is biologically an animal - only that it is observed by others to look like what is expected for a member of it's species.

In terms of CLCZ and Endels, this is why a full definition must be met.

Acceptence that animals can look differently and even act differently and still the members of the same species, is, I think, vital for the progression of nonhumanity as a serious identity/concept. Ignoring differences and refusal to put a word to them gets us nowhere - for example, despite being a physically your species you may not be able to process the same foods as a theriform and process many foods which a theriform cannot. This is a biological difference, but not one which makes you less biologically your species, just wired differently.

But isn't this just the same as saying 'biological animal'?

No, the phrase 'biological animal' must, if one is aiming to be inclusive include physical nonhumans. Therefore to diffentiate between a biological nonhuman (identity label) cat and your biologically nonhuman cat - both of which are cats on a biological level, you would need a different word. Enter - theriform.

I'm a delusional nonhuman of some kind and/I'm plural and/I'm transspecies and want to transition and-

If you're transspecies and wish to use this term when talking about transition goals, you may e.g. "In order to appear more theriform I want to-"

A nonhuman alter may in fact meet nearly or all except the first of the criteria for being theriform and even then, be observed by their system when in headspace as looking like a typical member of their species. In a similar way, depending on your condition, you may have a delusion which changes your physical or mental aspects to those more typical of your species but once more cannot be observed by others to be so and may experience flux in which this state is not always permenant. In this case, the word would be theriformic, as in 'like a theriform' but not technically one.

Isn't this just another binary to force people into (like AGAB)?

The intention of theriform is to describe, though I give people the leniency to use it as a noun. I intend it more like a...category. Like saying 'binary and non-binary'.

AGAB was invented to give intersex people a way to describe their lived experiences, and was misused and turned into a rigid binary later. In the same way I hope this won't happen to theriform, though people love to change the meanings of words (not just in this community) and it will remain a tool to allow experiences to be expressed more accurately.

It's also an optional term. I don't care if you don't use it, I just hope you don't differentiate between therians and theriforms by saying 'therians and bio animals' as this excludes physical nonhumans.

I'm physically nonhuman/CLCZ/an Endel and this term makes me dysphoric/uncomfortable.

There is no requirement for you to use it, or talk to those who do. This is an optional term. You can blacklist the term and use whatever else you prefer.

I just ask that you don't spread the idea that this term does not include physical nonhumans and similar when it does by default, or come up with reasons that it's 'problematic' in other ways. I'd much rather we personally talked about it, or you moved on about your day and just didn't pick up the newest community word. We don't need reasons to dislike a word, we just can dislike it.

Some transgender people dislike the terms transgender and cisgender because it makes them feel othered from their gender - but the terms transgender and cisgender remain useful and usable despite personal discomfort for some and don't actually indicate that person lacks any realness to their gender.

Please apply that same logic to theriform. Incidentally -

So it's like cisgender/AGAB, but for therians?

Even though I'm guilty of it myself, I'd rather this not be compared to gender as I don't think species and gender can be accurately compared.

I also dislike the use of AGAB to mean 'born as', as the original meaning for the intersex community does not support that and I do not condone it's comparison here either positively or negatively.

A theriform is not forcefully assigned a species the way an intersex infant is assigned a gender, it is simply assessed as a member of that species through meeting the accepted visual and psychological criteria.

I dislike how the definition uses human perspectives to indicate what counts as theriform.

I don't know what to tell you, it's impossible to avoid this. At least, for me. Feel free to coin a term which avoids this if you can.

Can I link you in posts creating discourse about this subject or when people misuse the term?

If you're the one with the issues, please just talk to me directly. If it's others, please do not. But feel free to link them this post or politely correct any misinformation, thank you!

[deadandphilgames]

A note from Daniel (new epilogue from You Will Get Through This Night)

Thank you for reading This Night. Writing this book in 2021, while sitting locked down in a lightless basement apartment for months, had a certain self-fulfilling irony that was not lost on me.

In many ways, I wrote this book for not only my past self that I wish could have known these things when I needed them most - but for the guy sitting in an incredibly uncomfortable, hunched, t-rex-esque position typing, that needed it right then. Like many of you, I thought those particularly fun couple of years were a temporary inconvenience, that I wouldn't have to age the book by diving into. And here we are. I hope you enjoyed that new chapter about resilience and whatever the hell a 'polycrisis' is. Turns out certain global events do have an additional effect on our mental health - it's understandable that you may try to power through it and pretend it never happened, but we all deserve to take whatever time we need to honestly process how life makes us feel. I hope you're doing alright. My journey of reflecting honestly on my own life experiences and lifestyle while writing was …like spontaneously punching yourself in the stomach. "Wow. I really live like this? That is apparently not conducive to a healthy mind. Oops. Guess I'll go touch some grass." I'm happy if that made this a more entertaining read occasionally.

Even now, I find myself continually re-reading the book in those small moments of first emotional reaction to situations where I now at least think "Wait - what was I supposed to do here? Right. Not catastrophise." If this is you - that is fine. You are not expected to perfectly memorise this book or retain all knowledge you hear in life. I know I don't. If you're ever sat next to me in the emergency exit aisle of a plane, know that you may be required to physically throw me out of the door in order to inflate the slide because I was busy during the briefing, imagining how my life would have been different if I actually had the nerve to dye my hair black that time in school. I am at peace with that.

It was honestly terrifying for me to try and mine the content of my life to try and actually illustrate advice for people that may really need it …for me to honestly look at the balance between joking about my mental health, and really getting real. Hey - if your attempt at opening up via some humour comes out a bit offensive, you still get points for at least putting it on the table. That's progress.

This is not a book about me. I am here just as an example of terrible behaviour that you have permission to have an inappropriate public transport snort at, and as a writer who has repeatedly not finished traditional 'self-help' or scientific study books for being dry, unrelatable and preachy. I just hope you found this moist, identifiable and accepting of all of your beautiful flaws. So many flaws. I often worried if any of the material was maybe obvious, or something you could stumble across on the second page of Google - then I had a small moment of honesty with myself contemplating my own ignorance, commitment to procrastination, attention span …and the fact that factually just 0.63% of all people searching online, ever bother clicking to the second page of results. If you already knew some of this, good for you. Honestly. You must literally be happy with yourself. I'm just looking in the mirror and trying to do something for the 99.37% of humanity that spend their lives never successfully researching how to not lay awake at night fantasising about their doom. Look forward to the upcoming pocket size book of 'offensively self-destructive jokes' by Dan - or 700-page memoir of my yet un-girthy, mostly unremarkable life so far if that's what you're really looking for.

Perhaps the most terrifying result of releasing this book into the world, has been coming face to face with those of you that have read it. For in these moments, all of my protective self-deprecating persona comes crashing down in an instant when someone says this book made them feel better. Hearing that this book was the first time they finished anything tangentially related to self-improvement, or that just one thing they read was a new perspective on a part of their life they needed, makes me feel my mission in life is already complete. Seeing it be recommended by bookstores amongst all the other choices, hearing that people have shared it with their therapists or had it suggested to them by a professional, is an unbelievable seal of approval that I appreciate. I am so inarticulably grateful to have been given the opportunity to do anything that could make your life easier, more peaceful, more enjoyable. I've met people who annotated this book with post-its, told me they listen to audiobook exercises on their commute - and even a few people that have had illustrations tattooed onto them as a symbolic reminder of a message.

All of this puts that year of typing like some kind of infinite monkey at a typewriter into perspective. I'd do it all again. Mostly. It has been the greatest privilege of my life to be the guy whose name is printed on this book, and I just hope that reading it helped you, as much as writing it helped me.

Love and good luck.

- Dan

[ashwhowrites]

Eddie tries to make his girlfriend jealous, but it doesn't work, she gets sad instead, thinking he doesn't love her anymore

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting <3

Jealousy games

Eddie liked to play pranks and tricks. He enjoyed messing with people's emotions, laughing at their anger, and just having fun.

He saw it as innocent jokes, never quite realizing how much damage certain pranks could do. Never knowing when it went too far.

Y/N tried to understand Eddie's jokes for his sake. She knew many people get pissed off at him and she wanted to be there for him.

Just as Eddie always did, he went too far.

~~~

Y/N and Eddie were having a date at the beach. Y/N wasn't a fan of the water, sand, and sitting in the heat for hours, but she wouldn't pass up the opportunity to see Eddie shirtless. And she was glad she came because as she watched Eddie come out from the water, his head shaking as his curls bounced and dried. The droplets went down his chest, skipping down to his happy trail, her eyes following to where the water stopped.

"See something you like?" His voice snapped her out of her daydream, her eyes looking up to see him standing over her.

"Huh?" she asked, blinking as she snapped to reality.

"Nothing," Eddie laughed, leaning down to grab his wallet near her hip.

"Getting ice cream, want one?" He asked, Y/N gladly agreed. A smile on her face as she watched him run in the sand. She checked out his ass as he leaned over the counter to order. Her eyes skipped down to his tatted legs. She could feel the drool on her chin.

Eddie smiled at the cashier as he grabbed two ice cream cones. He turned to walk back to his girlfriend when a girl stepped in front of him. She had dark hair, tan skin, and a red swimsuit. He eyed her swimsuit, realizing she was a lifeguard.

Over her shoulder, he could see his girlfriend lying out in the sun, her eyes on them. Her heated glare gave Eddie a dangerous idea. A harmless joke, a little tease to get her teeth grinding.

Y/N squinted her eyes to see if she was seeing things. Her eyes froze in on Eddie laughing with this girl. Her hand was on his arm, fingernails moving up and down against his skin. And Eddie did nothing to stop it. He smiled and leaned his head closer. Y/N couldn't believe what she was seeing. Eddie was flirting with another girl, on their date, right in front of her.

He wasn't close enough for her to hear anything that was being said, but the way his body leaned into this girl made Y/N feel sick. His dazzling smile and dimples swooned the girl over.

When Eddie finally walked over to her, she tried to hide how hurt she was. Eddie handed her the melted ice cream cone. The snarky comment made it past her lips.

"Could have at least brought the ice cream over before that," Eddie smirked at her reaction. He figured he made her jealous, take the win, and move on. But he didn't, he wanted to see how far he could push her.

He didn't comment on her attitude, ignoring the comment, he moved on.

He relaxed next to her on his side, the girl still behind her. He looked from Y/N to behind her, to make it obvious he was looking past her. Y/N scrunched her nose but didn't say anything.

She decided to tell a random story, seeing if she could get his attention. But his eyes didn't move to her since. His eyes were still locked on the girl. She couldn't help but feel sick with herself. The comparison of that girl and her, all the ways she fell short. She could feel the tightness in her throat as the tears welled up. Surely, he didn't care about her anymore. He got bored of her, he didn't love her anymore.

Y/N rushed to stand up, gathering her shoes.

"I'll just go so you don't have to look through me to see her," Y/N said, preparing to walk away but Eddie stopped her.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asked

"Home. I don't see why I should be here." She said. Eddie stood up and stepped in front of her.

"Because I want you here. Are you just a bit jealous?" Eddie smirked, his hands on his hips.

"No." Y/N scoffed

"I think you are!" Eddie teased, pointing his fingers at her. "Someone's jealous, someone's jealous, someone's jealous."

"EDDIE STOP! Not everything is a joke. If my feelings are just a joke to you, then fuck off." She snapped, moving past him as she headed to the parking lot.

"Woah! Hey hey!" Eddie panicked, grabbing her hand to stop her. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You just thought it would be funny, I know. You got the reaction you wanted so drop it."

"Baby, I didn't want you to be upset. Just a little jealous, that's it. I'm sorry I went too far. Talk to me." His eyes were finally on her.

"Jealousy isn't a game, Eddie. It's the feeling of being insecure and not good enough. We are on a date and you eyed her more than you've ever looked at me. You were holding my ice cream and flirting with her. Even when I tried talking to you, you completely ignored me. Does that sound funny to you or that my boyfriend doesn't love me anymore?" Her eyes watered as she asked.

"It sounds like your boyfriend is a complete asshole. I love you so much and I'm sorry I made you think I don't love you. It was wrong to play with your feelings and I'll never do it again. You are the only one I want to be with, I promise. It's just you." He said softly, cradling her face. She sniffled but melted into his touch.

"Promise you love me?" She whimpered

"I promise I love you so fucking much." He promised, leaning down to place his lips on hers, kissing her softly.

"Let's go home and I'll show you just how much I love you." He smirked against her lips, his hands gripping her hips.

"You made me cry! And you think you're getting sex?" She teased, she smacked his chest. "You are making me dinner."

"Dinner it is." Eddie agreed. Walking back to grab all their things. Together they walked to the car, the lifeguard out of sight and out of mind.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37

[do-you-ship-it-polls]

Why do you support proship polls

In short: Because I think the person behind it seems like a cool person and I don't think problematic ships are a huge deal

And also proship polls is my baby

I'll go into a discussion about it under the cut, but it may be a bit heavy as it of course includes discussion of trauma and problematic ships. It's also gonna stray a bit off topic lol.

I've had some complicated feelings about the proship/anti debate and how I feel about problematic ships. Maybe gimmick blog tmi, but I genuinely have ptsd symptoms from an experience that falls into the categories of what makes something a problematic ship. In a since deleted post on my personal account, I wrote this:

"it always makes me feel a bit too sensitive when people dismiss "pro-ship/anti" debates as pointless, because while i would never harass anyone for what they ship, it does unfortunately affect me. being unable to sleep because of flashbacks and then seeing someone explaining their 'controversial ship' in the morning is a pretty odd experience. however, being uncomfortable with this and labeling myself as 'not pro-ship' makes people put me in the same category as internet stalkers. in order to not be one of the bad guys, you must be ok with being labeled as such. it shouldn't, but it sometimes feels like a mockery of my trauma when people act so cheery about it (of course assuming they haven't been through it themselves). depictions of what has ruined many things for me are seen as quirky and problematic in a funny way. it is definitely not a personal attack on me, nor do most people have the goal of belittling real people's experiences, it's just how it feels sometimes."

My opinion has since changed a bit. I still find some things icky and will occasionally silently judge people, but it doesn't get to me as much anymore. I no longer view it as a mockery of what I went through or like it makes light of real experiences. In my trauma treatment, we have put a lot of emphasis on not running away from things that make me uncomfortable, but to stop and show myself that memories aren't gonna hurt me. Ofc this treatment does not include reading problematic fics or anything lmao BUT I am not as scared of seeing things that make me uncomfortable anymore. And through that, it has helped me get to an understanding that these ships can't hurt me - which I couldn't be so sure of before. I've also understood that some people similar to me apparently use ships like this as coping mechanisms.

I also make use of blocking users and tags that I don't want to see, which is very useful. I always find it baffling that people will go on ao3 for example, see something with tags they don't like, click on it, read all of it, and then leave a comment saying they didn't like it (usually not that politely). I feel like we need to curate our own experiences online, mind our own business when appropriate, and not break our own boundaries by intentionally looking up content that disturbs us. When it comes to tumblr banning proshipping polls, I get frustrated that tumblr doesn't explain how the blog broke TOS, and that I genuinely don't understand what is wrong with the blog in comparison to other blogs that have gotten reported but not deleted.

I've also since listened to more talks about the relation between fiction and reality which is a very nuanced topic in my opinion. I know of criminals who watched gore/CSAM/violent porn etc before committing their crimes, I've even heard of shooters who play/played first person shooting games to practice or relive their kills. I can imagine that some people use things like works centered around certain ships for similar reasons. And while I'm not super confident on where my opinion lays, I know that the average person doesn't get the urge to do something bad just because they enjoy something in fiction. A personal example is that I really like Killing Stalking and enjoy the toxic dynamic of Abuser x Victim in it, so I can compare it to stuff like that. But I don't have to understand exactly why someone would ship what they do just for me to let them do their thing.

I don't really know what else to say at the moment but feel like I shouldn't wait to post this. So here you go.

Also, I don't use "proship" as a substitute for problematic/dark/complicated etc ships anymore, I have learnt the difference now. If someone sends me an ask telling me the definition I will explode you with my bazooka

[olderthannetfic]

Im neither a proshipper nor an anti at this current stage in life, but at one point i was an anti i guess? And I hate it say it, but looking back, I understand why. I don't think I actually gave a fuck about Harmful Fanfic or whatever, it was just a substitute for therapy that i couldn't get at the time (because "literally neurodivergent and a minor" or whatever, but like...actually literally neurodivergent and a minor LOL).

As weird as it sounds like, no one cared about my ACTUAL PAIN, and that made me feel EVEN MORE PAIN, so i took it out on ppl who shipped "abuse", or whatever.

It's so stupid now, as an adult who is mentally better than I was then, but as ridiculous as it was, seeing someone ship an "abusive" ship or a "queer erasing ship" (like a canonically gay character with someone of the other binary gender)...it felt eerily similar to the actual abuse I was facing and the stress that everyone was putting on me to find a boyfriend or ask why my (closeted lesbian) self didn't like any boys.

But it was so much easier to keyboard warrior about how people who ship Bad things are Bad people, than it was to fix any problems in my actual life because...well, the actual problems in my life COULDN'T be fixed. That isn't a learned helplessness thing, there was genuinely nothing I could've done. So pissing off Shippers was, like, a vessel for that, and it *felt* like I was getting to lash out at the same people who were ACTUALLY hurting me, even though that obviously is not the case. Funny thing is, it wasn't actual fandom discourse that made me switch sides, it was getting to learn more about youth liberation movements and stuff, because it was then that I recognized the actual structures that were making me hurt.

I think one silver lining is it's made me more compassionate an adult. While I don't have any defense for the antis who do actual horrendous stuff like doxxing or sending death/rape threats, etc, I do have a lot of defense for the ones who were like me and would just make posts talking about how Wrong it is to ship certain things. I know that not all antis are in the same place that I was once was, and some are just genuinely immature brats, but it's like. . . I get it, you know?

The cycle of abuse/bullying is weird and it's not often a 1:1 "I had an abusive parent so now i'll be an abusive parent", sometimes it's the chronically online stuff like I did. It's also why I'm careful-careful to not engage and to just block or, even try to have a mature discussion if I can, and if the person I'm talking to is just "a little bit annoying" rather than "actual bully doing/sending illegal stuff". A lot of them just want to be heard, I think, and it really makes me sad that this is the way they choose to be heard...but also i get it, because i was that.

--

Yup. We often discuss anti tendencies in this framework.

People want control over their environment when they have none. They want the world to make sense and for there to be simple rules they can follow to Never Mess Up. This is a very common reaction to trauma and also typical of brains that like order and neat boxes and a world full of justice and logic.

The trouble is that a critical mass of "I'm just pointing this out" type posts does tend to make all the other teens with an issue around moral scrupulosity implode. (And let's be real, plenty of the antis themselves are secretly into dark content and are trying to pray the gay kink away.)

I have some sympathy, but I'm still going to tell people they're sealioning when they are and tell them they're flat out wrong about how fantasies work, not sugar coat it because they're probably a delicate teen. There's no need to be excessively mean or treat people as irredeemable, but I also don't like how we talk endlessly about compassion for teen antis and not for teens targeted by antis. It's similar to how there are all those complaints like "Hey, I work hard to manage my mental illness, but all the support seems to go to people who are letting their issues rampage..."

[ednaarel]

Not dev stuff, rather Severance stuff. I posted it to Severance community but I'm gonna post it on main too.

Spoilers for Severance season 2, episode 9. Additionally, TW for discussion of eating disorders.

In TLDR terms: I do think Helena suffers or suffered from an unspecified eating disorder. I'll explain my reasoning down below.

First of all, you need to understand that Helena is more or less a marketing tool. She needs to be pretty and look good in the pictures that Lumon propaganda is throwing into the world. Her getting severed was a giant PR stunt. She had so many moments of her work and possibly her life documented on camera. Therefore, she's got a lot of pressure on herself when it comes to her looks and her image - after all, she's not just representing herself but also the entirety of Lumon and the Eagan family.

Second: Lumon controls food. The vending machines on the severed floor have small portions of Lumon-branded snacks which can only be retrieved with special tokens, which are limited. Gemma gets her food in small, droplet-shaped form. The egg bar (which is, of course, coveted as fuck) is considered a reward, tying food to something you have to earn instead of something you need.

You need to remember that Helena doesn't exist outside of Lumon. She needs to be perfect as Kier's descendant, she most likely grew up extremely isolated, and if we believe what she said to Mark - that she never brought anyone home - she still is isolated and lonely. Her whole life is dictated by her family, by Kier's word, by Lumon principles. When she's told to go back to the severed floor, she does so, even though she clearly doesn't want to - she's treated like an asset instead of a human being. She's not in control of her own life.

This is a really fucked up combination: expectations of perfection, lack of control and already strange culture around food. Eating disorders in women can originate from the lack of sense of control - the food intake is a way to feel in control of something for once.

Which leads me to another point: the weak enamel line. In certain eating disorders, a person will binge eat, then purge, or, vomit in order to not gain weight. Frequent vomiting erodes your enamel. Lumon's obsession with tiny food portions could lead Helena to eat extreme amount of food as an act of rebellion... just for her to feel shame about it afterwards. Lumon is, after all, quite big on the shame factor (remember the break room?).

I thought about this line a lot but everything clicked into place only after today's episode.

Helena swimming. Rigorous exercise often accompanies eating disorders.

Jame telling Helena to eat and that he'll "watch her". This wasn't just a creepy line (though it really was creepy). Ill-informed people will often try to make sure that a person with an eating disorder will eat as they should, and to achieve that, they will watch them as they eat. This, however, often only adds to the stress and shame, especially if you behave like Jame (not engaging with a conversation that's NOT about food, for example).

Helena cutting that one egg into smaller pieces, clearly being particular about the plating (one half of the egg on one side, one on the other), eating in a highly specific manner (only the white, she didn't touch the yolk).

Jame commenting on Helena's egg preference. If you remember (and I don't blame you if you don't), Jame would prefer her to "take them raw" because Kier's favorite breakfast contained raw eggs. Helena's exercising the little freedom of choosing her own way to have eggs and even then, her choice is being commented upon and scrutinized through the lens of her ancestry.

If I got something factually incorrect, please feel free to tell me, I'm in no way an expert on this stuff. I just think that the whole thing is extremely tragic.

[silverynight]

The heart of the barbarian King

<---Previous

Chapter 9

Izuku is not sure when he starts tearing up, but by the time he reaches the crowd gathered around All Might, he can feel his cheeks getting wet. He can spot the tall alpha in the distance; he's sure the man hasn't noticed him yet because there are a lot of barbarians around him.

"Yagi-san!" he says as loud as he can, although his voice trembles a bit.

"Young Midoriya?"

The omega doesn't need to approach him; it's All Might himself who easily moves among the people, a bit desperate, until he's close enough to pull Izuku into a tight hug.

"I've been looking for you! What happened?"

That's when the omega starts fully sobbing; some people are kind enough to leave in order to give them space, but others keep watching from a certain distance, curious about the scene in front of them.

Izuku doesn't even notice they're there anymore, knowing that All Might has been looking for him for a while it's enough to keep him distracted.

"It's alright," Toshinori mumbles after a while, stroking the omega's head gently, trying to calm him down. "I am here now. You have nothing to worry about. You are safe."

The alpha scent becomes rather strong, very protective, in such a way that makes the curious people leave immediately.

That's when Katsuki and Kirishima finally get there; it seems Izuku can easily outrun them when he really wants to.

"Izuku? Are you okay?" The barbarian King is clearly confused for a moment, prompting him to narrow his eyes at the retired hero slightly.

"Stop looking at me like that, young Bakugo. I would never hurt my own son."

The omega's head snaps up at All Might's words; his eyes meet the blue ones for a moment, finding nothing but the most sincere look in them.

"Do y-you really think of me as your son?" Izuku is sobbing again, but he hopes Toshinori can understand him anyway.

"Of course!" All Might assures him, a little heartbroken by the hesitation in the omega's voice. "I thought you knew! I'm sorry, I should've said something sooner!"

It's alright, at least now he knows that All Might truly cares about him.

"So you were talking about him when you said someone was waiting for you?" Katsuki's desperate voice snaps the omega out of his own thoughts for a moment.

"Yes!" Izuku looks over his shoulder, still in All Might's embrace. "He's my only family!"

"Shit!"

"Kacchan?"

"Sorry," the blond alpha apologizes when he notices Izuku's worried expression and the frown upon All Might's face. "I just... I thought you were talking about your... about someone else."

Izuku finally moves away from his mentor to look at the barbarian King more clearly; he seems to be suffering, although Kirishima is a bit amused by the situation.

"Izuku... I'm sorry, listen, I need to tell you something-"

"That can wait. I want to talk to young Midoriya first." All Might cuts him off, gently pushing the omega behind himself.

"Right." Katsuki says, looking a bit flustered after remembering the hero is still there with them. "We should... You two can talk in my house, because there are a few things I need to discuss with you as well."

"I'm sure there are," All Might says, looking more relaxed and even a bit amused too. "You know you'll need my approval now, right?"

Katsuki nods, looking from All Might to Izuku for a moment before his cheeks turn slightly pink.

"I'll try my best to earn it."

The hero seems satisfied with those words, even though the whole exchange ends up confusing Izuku a bit.

***

Izuku tells his mentor everything or at least almost everything that happened while Katsuki makes some tea. By the time the alpha puts a cup in front of the omega, All Might grows so tense and angry at Chisaki it takes a while for him to calm down.

"There's a solution for this," the retired hero says after a while, making both Katsuki and Izuku look at him with curiosity. "Sadly, it's not a good way to fix it, but I'll do it if everything else fails."

Katsuki asks him about it, but All Might shakes his head a couple of times.

"We need to find that alpha as soon as possible."

"I'll send a group so they can start looking for him," the King says immediately. He looks away for a moment, frowning slightly before closing his hand into a tight fist. "I shouldn't have banished him. Keeping him as a prisoner would've been a better solution, but at the time, the only thing I wanted was to put as much distance between him and Izuku."

All Might seems to relax a bit. He looks at the young King with a soft smile on his lips.

"Don't be so harsh on yourself, young Bakugo. I know being the leader of the barbarians is a difficult task, considering how many clans with different opinions are under your command." The retired hero says. "I think you're doing great so far. Your parents would've been proud."

Katsuki smiles back, looking dangerously close to tears. Although he seems to get better when he feels the omega's hand touching his for a moment.

"I really hope Uraraka can find a way to break the curse by the time we go back to the city," Izuku mumbles then, after taking a sip of his tea. Remembering what happened when Chisaki tried to take him made him feel uneasy again.

He shouldn't be afraid of him anymore.

Toshinori must've noticed because he puts a reassuring hand on the omega's shoulders.

"While we come up with something to fix it, I'll be staying here with you, young Midoriya."

"Really?"

"Of course! I just found you, I'm not going to leave you again!"

Katsuki looks from one to another before clearing his throat.

"Izuku has been staying here so you're welcome to–"

"He's been staying here with you?" The hero cuts the barbarian off, looking like he doesn't actually like the idea.

"Yeah," the King starts rubbing the back of his neck, pink coloring his cheeks slightly. "But he's safe here."

"Kacchan has been nothing but kind to me!" Izuku cuts in, trying to ease some of the tension he notices on his mentor's shoulders. "He's been helping me train too!"

"I see." All Might nods, narrowing his eyes at the alpha for a moment. "I'm really glad you've been taking care of Midoriya so far, young Bakugo, I think you're a good man, but if we want to do this the proper way, I think Midoriya and I should stay somewhere else."

The proper way? What are they talking about? Izuku is a bit lost already. Although he doesn't want to be a burden to Katsuki so living somewhere else sounds good to him as well.

"You two can take my parents' house." Katsuki says after a while.

Izuku leans closer, looking at the alpha with concern.

"Are you sure, Kacchan?"

"Of course, Izuku," the barbarian smiles at him, staring into his eyes until All Might clears his throat.

When they're outside the house, Katsuki stops at the entrance before opening the door.

"I need to talk to you first, Izuku." He mumbles, although he glances briefly at the older alpha for a moment.

After a few seconds of consideration, All Might nods.

"I'll be inside."

Slightly worried, Izuku turns around to face the barbarian King.

"What is it, Kacchan? Are you alright?"

His concern only grows when Katsuki takes both his hands in his and looks up at him with a tortured expression on his face.

"I'm sorry if I acted distant and cold the past few days," he apologizes. "I was stupid. When you told me someone was waiting for you and you couldn't wait to see them again, I thought it meant you were in love with that person, and it hurt me deeply. But I see now how wrong I was."

Katsuki was hurt because he thought Izuku had feelings for an alpha? But... that doesn't make any–

"I'm in love with you, Izuku," the barbarian mumbles, holding both of the omega's hands closer to his chest. He moves his left shoulder a bit so Izuku can take a look at the tattoo with an 'I' in the middle again. "I did this for you. I never stopped loving you. I was going to look for you..."

The omega starts sobbing, and Katsuki mistakes his tears for rejection, so he takes a few steps back.

"If you don't like me that way, it's fine. I hope we can still be friends, Izuku. Because I really missed that too."

Trying to wipe his tears off his cheeks, Izuku looks up at his childhood friend again.

"I love you too, Kacchan."

The words seem to surprise the alpha because he blinks a couple of times before stepping closer to the omega again.

He puts his arms around Izuku and the omega finally breathes into his smokey caramel scent he loves so much.

"Can I scent you?"

"Of course, Kacchan."

After the alpha nuzzles a couple of times against his cheeks and neck, he asks Izuku to scent him back.

"Would you allow me to court you?"

The omega nods, cheeks turning slightly pink before he gets on his tiptoes to give Katsuki a kiss on the chin that leaves him speechless for a couple of seconds.

The front door opens suddenly.

"You two look like you need a chaperone."

Both of them blush before turning to see All Might in the doorway, looking both amused and irritated at the same time.

"Can I have your permission to court Izuku?"

"You have it already, young Bakugo. But you'll still have to work hard to earn my complete approval."

Katsuki nods, and Izuku's face keeps getting warm as he finally realizes what those two were talking about earlier.

"I need to talk to shitty hair and pinky about Chisaki," he tells the omega before giving him a kiss on his curls. "I'll come back tomorrow. You need to rest."

Still too overwhelmed to speak, Izuku smiles before squeezing one of the alpha's hands gently. A couple of days ago, he thought he was a burden for everyone and that All Might would never come back for him, but it seems he was completely wrong.

All Might found him, and it looks like Katsuki wants him in his life too.

Things are finally getting better.

***

The house is almost empty, but clean; Izuku knows Katsuki likes to keep it in good condition because it's probably still full of memories.

He starts feeling bad for being in there.

"Don't worry too much about it, young Midoriya," Toshinori mumbles, startling him a bit because he didn't hear the hero approaching. Sometimes, when his mentor says things like that, it feels like he can almost read his mind. "He wouldn't have suggested it if he wasn't okay with it. Besides, he probably considers you part of his family already."

Izuku cradles his own face with both hands, feeling his cheeks growing hot after hearing All Might's last comment. Even though he just heard it from Katsuki, it's difficult to believe the alpha is in love with him.

Instinctively, the omega grabs the necklace with the heart tied to it. Toshinori follows his movements and smiles when Izuku blushes even more.

"A gift from young Bakugo?"

"Yes, it was his mother's necklace."

Surprised, All Might quirks up his eyebrows.

"That kind of gift is something you give at the end of the courtship," he mumbles, mostly to himself. But the omega hears it anyway and gets even more flustered. "But I suppose it's fine, considering it's you two."

After choosing their respective bedrooms and getting themselves soemthing to eat (there were a few things left from the time Katsuki had to stay there), they head to the living room and All Might tells Izuku a few things about his latest trip.

The omega rambles about Dynamight and his new friends before taking a mental note to go with them to the market tomorrow and perhaps go to Katsuki's house for his clothes.

"Do they treat you well here? I mean, besides your friends."

Most of them do. The barbarians are very nice and kind to him; they help him when he gets a bit lost in the market and his friends are not close, and some of them have even offered to teach him a few of their customs.

But Izuku also thinks of the others; the ones who look at him like he doesn't belong, the beta girl who made him feel awful, Chisaki's men and the alpha who approached him the other day.

However, they're just a few. And Izuku knows he shouldn't expect kindness everywhere he goes; he's not the only person who has dealt with something like that.

Telling All Might would probably just make things worse.

"Yes, they do," he says, ignoring that voice inside his head that insists he should at least talk about the female alpha from Chisaki's group.

His mentor sighs, probably noticing the hesitation in his voice.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know."

"Alright," he says after rising from his seat and ruffling Izuku's hair affectionately. "I'm going to sleep. You should do that too because we're going to train tomorrow."

"Of course!"

***

Next--->

Patreon

[stars-and-darkness]

hi! saw that you're a darklina fan...do you have any good fic recs? loved your darklina fics btw

i am a darklina fan (my beatiful toxic shaylasssss, they are so unwell), though ironically enough over the years i've come to prefer the books to the show, meaning my own fics aren't to my taste now ashdjhdjkdfnh

but i'll never pass up on an opportunity to rec stuff, so:

show-based stuff:

All Is Bliss (Until Someone Loses An Eye) by AquitaineQueen24

'There is this; Kirigan is going to hate sharing his big find with Peter and the Apparat. You’ll look like a saint incarnate when the Emperor starts screaming and throwing a tantrum.’ ‘Indeed. Praise saints for once that I’m married to a complete and utter moron.’ Empress Catherine may have only wanted to change the world for a few days at this point, but that in no way means that General Kirigan is permitted to monopolize the Sun Summoner. General Kirigan, who has been planning to change the world for nearly three hundred years, thinks the new Empress is very sweet. Emperor Peter just wants people to be afraid...of how much they love him. (Why doesn't the Empress love him?!?!) Alina Starkova very much wants to change the world, but also wants everyone else to calm the hell down and stop trying to recruit her for their coup.

Ember Island Players Present: SOL KOROLEVA by PresidentHades

SOL KOROLEVA is a new production from acclaimed playwright Aidoneus Prazident. She has scoured all of Ravka gathering information on the Sun Summoner Alina Starkov. Her sources include the orphanage matron at Keramzin, First Army officers, Little Palace chambermaids, a stableboy, and a plethora of acerbically witty diary entries from an anonymous contributor. This production is brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players.

The Book of the Raven by qqueenofhades

To my dear and unfortunate successor: I have debated for many years whether I should finally commit this story to paper. In one sense, the decision might seem easy: I am a historian, after all, and the reconstruction and understanding of the past is our profession’s stock in trade. But there is always the question of where it crosses over into autobiography, where scholarly objectivity gives way to subjective memory, where one cannot always be sure that the historian is, in fact, the best person to tell the historian’s own story. Does the weight of academic responsibility, of factual clarity, of reconstructing events as they truly “were” (itself an utter fallacy, but that is a discussion for later), overrule the understandably human impulse to make it a better tale, to clean it up around the edges, to present one’s own actions in the most benevolent and justifiable light? Despite my unique circumstances, I am no more free from that impulse than anyone else, and so I must ask whether you are willing to trust me as the narrator of my own history.

Social Sciences by yrulikethis

Extremely private Professor Morozova simps over happily married Sunshine-y oversharer Professor Starkov. Gossip and speculation ensues.

Our Lines in the Sand by GaleSentinal

In which being an orphan, a soldier, and a cartographer is more integral to Alina’s identity and she pays attention to the world around her. Meanwhile spending some 400 years in power confers certain advantages to the Darkling, but also certain blind spots. In this fight to secure a better tomorrow, both will be confronted with the same question: What are they willing to sacrifice in order to win? A reworking of the series from the ground up, where the politics are more realistic, grisha abilities are more than just magic artillery, people aren't inexplicably stupid, the religion and history are more present, everyone has an agenda, everyone has their secrets, and imperfect people love, struggle, laugh, fight and strive for a world that they can live with.

kato stara rana e nashata lyubov, mili moĭ by Darnaguen

First part of a trilogy of forehead kisses I promised to write for a Tumblr prompt. I chose Netflix's new Shadow and Bone as the subject against my better judgement, having not read the books it's based on. So… be gentle?

Saints and Sinners (Are you the Hunter or the Prey?) by BrytteMystere

Through the centuries, they change the world, and are changed by it in turn.

Ten Suns in the Sky by PresidentHades

Alina has a happy childhood in a border town that never gets razed. Her father is a clever otkazat’sya blacksmith who labors over creations to rival any Fabrikator’s. Her mother is a Shu Inferni who teaches her daughter to embrace the sunlight in her hands and their heritage. When the family makes a fateful attempt to cross the Fold, the Darkling finds not a pawn but a queen.

kołysanka by Darnaguen

“Sing me a song, Alina.”

book-based stuff:

backstage behaviour by limnaeus

“If you told them the sky is green, they would believe you. If you told them to, they’d kill themselves trying to attack the Grand Palace. Are your fanatics so different to my loyalists?” It is an alluring thought, an intriguing power she hasn’t mastered – shouldn’t even attempt to master – half as much as the sunlight. It is a fine line she must perch on. He doesn’t realize there is also danger in being so loved. Her devotes would tear her to pieces just to keep a part of her with them. They would spit on her and burn her as soon as they found out just how little of a saint she truly is. Or; Alina is a Saint and the Darkling is into it - for political reasons, of course. A visitation of plans and prayers and Ravka's destructive love.

Serendipity by DukeOfDucks

It was him but she had never seen him like this, not even when he had collapsed in her arms, a dagger in his heart. He was still the same— the sharp jawline, the pale skin, the lips— and yet his cheeks were stained red like a child in a fever. His quartz grey eyes were half-lidded, unfocused yet looking up at her, and his perfect lips were parted to let out small struggling pants. His cheekbones had always been sharp, but now he was downright gaunt, and she wondered when he had last eaten. “Alina,” he finally whispered, so quietly it could have been the wind murmuring in her ears. She leaned closer, her hand still on his shoulder, not pulling away when he wrapped his own around her wrist again. “I didn’t know where else to go,”

Three's a Crowd by InsectKin

Alina and Mal's quiet night in Keramzin is interrupted by a newly not-dead visitor. They never made a very good trio.

To Demand Aim by manico_del_lume

To be immortal is to often pick up new hobbies: it keeps life interesting. This time, the Darkling tries out darts.

Saint of Heretics by NoAngelKnows

For six hundred years Sankta Alina has ruled as the physical personification of the nation of Ravka's spiritual and national identity. With the persecuted Grisha flocking to her side as a fanatically devoted army and aligning with the Lantsov family to establish an unbroken line of ruling tsars, under her reign Ravka has risen from a dark age of unending warfare to a unified kingdom bound by peace. But after six hundred years under the heat of an unrelenting queen of the sun, Ravka is suffocating from the traditions and laws of the past. Once meant simply to preserve and protect Ravkan culture and lives, it is employed to ruthlessly strangle and suppresses any attempt of progress. Now the land is boiling with rebellion and revolution and the question is being whispered all over the land: "If the people have grown ready to rule themselves, what place is there for the ancient Mother of Ravka?" Then, down from a mountainside in the heart of Ravka, comes a black-haired boy with grey eyes and a power unseen in any Grisha for six hundred years. The scales are precariously balanced, which side will his power uplift and which will it bring low?

Worst Laid Plans by goblins_riddles_frocks

(fair warning, this one's darknikolina)

Nikolai seeks to make alliances with both sides of Ravka’s civil war.

Winter in the Little Palace by redsixwing

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

The Silence of Your Touch by goatsandgangsters

Set during Ruin & Rising. After Alina first uses their connection, she wants more. Only this time, he isn’t alone. But that just makes it more fun. Or, “How to Frustrate (in more ways than one) Someone Who Can’t Talk Back: An Exploratory Study ft. Alina Starkov” — In her quiet moments, she would pick it up and study it, like a rare and beautiful gem. The sharp lines of his face. The slant of sunlight through the window. The stillness of him, the hitch in his breath, the waver on the edge of a precipice he so wanted to fall into. She had known that feeling many a time, the waiting, the wanting, the lure of it. But she hadn’t expected to see it in him. She wanted to see it again, the catch of his breath. She wanted to know what she could do to him.

Fata Morgana by DukeOfDucks

The future is bright. Bright with the strength of an ardent sun. Hot with the blaze of all-consuming grief.

Vulnerability by goblins_riddles_frocks

Alina visits the Darkling and finds him unconscious, still recovering from their last encounter in the chapel.

i am singing now as rome burns (mash your mouth against me) by bellemon

“Don’t say her name. You killed her,” he hisses, fingers closing around her neck, even as his thumb caresses the curve of her throat, even as his fingers intertwine with the fall of hair that lies at her nape. “She died for you.” ��She died because of you,” Alina snarls, even as she leans into his touch, even as she hates herself for it. “We both killed her.” He gives a growl of rage and surges toward her. For a moment, the rage in Alina’s heart gives way to fear, to relief, to desire. He’s going to kill me. But then he is kissing her, lips crashing against hers like flint on steel, and isn’t that the same thing? ---- Alina does not resist the pull of their tether. The Darkling welcomes her in his own way. (Or, Alina and The Darkling are just two people hiding their Thirst through power plays)

[howlingday]

So who would rank as the best fighters in Rwby that don't have magic? So no Maidens,Salem,Brother Gods, the Tree or Opzin. Anyone else including the Curious Cat is a choice. (I'm saying the cat counts for this list because even though it's magic we at least have a clear understanding of how his powers work.)

The best fighters? Hoof... That's a tall order, especially since I'd have to look over all the candidates I can remember. But I'll narrow it down to TEN characters, in order to appease the [tumblr] gif limit.

General James Ironwood: Simply put, you don't become the headmaster of a huntsman academy by being weak or stupid, because this commanding officer is definitely neither... relatively speaking. Granted, one could argue against his battle tactics as a military general, but I think when compared to other huntsmen, there's not a lot of characters you can say that require an ambush by almost a dozen people to take down! So yeah, General Ironwood is definitely an intimidating character to start off with.

Ruby Rose: Yeah, I know, I know. Ruby's the main character, so of course she's gonna be on this list! But to be fair (to be fair), she's EARNED her place as a main character. The series starts off with her easily thrashing goons, followed by her heading off to Beacon Academy two years early for her skill against such an impressive foe. And she's only grown ever since. Given time, I can totally see Ruby being the hero who saves Remnant and looks good while doing it.

Neopolitan: Barring magic is one thing, but some characters never needed magic to be overpowered. One such character started off as a generic sidekick villain who bailed Torchwick out. Then she comes back later that same Volume to style and beat down on RWBY's heaviest hitter. Heck, Neo would've ended Yang if it wasn't for Raven showing up! And while Neo doesn't have magic, she does have an overpowered semblance that makes her a nuisance at first and a crisis by the end! Tell me, dear reader; what happens when you put a girl whose semblance called, "Overactive Imagination" inside of a FAIRY TALE?! I'll tell you what you get- YOU GET A NIGHTMARE.

Pyrrha Nikos: Ooh, boy, now this is where things get sad. Pyrrha was the best fighter in Volume 1-3 solely for the fact that she was the one fighter EVERYONE knew about. Pyrrha was getting wins BEFORE the series started and she started racking up wins afterwards against Grimm and other students, too. Sadly, this poor, young Achilles was not truly invincible, for her tender heart was what got her killed... And also an arrow to said tender heart.

Cinder Fall: And speaking of arrows to tender hearts, I should give credit where credit is due, and it's overdue for Cinder Fall. First up, let's look at Cinder WITHOUT her magic. Her semblance, Caress, increases the temperature of things she touches, burning and even melting them. Heck, she was even throwing fireballs BEFORE the Maiden powers were hers! Not to mention she was throwing down with Professor Ozpin, the headmaster of Beacon and definitely the oldest man on the planet! She managed to outwit and outpace a man with centuries of experience. She then went on to kill the best fighter of the roster at Beacon Academy and steal her powers, only becoming wounded by Ruby's silver eyes. And this was all BEFORE she became the Fall Maiden.

Tyrian Callows: I want to admit something. I have a certain bias both towards and against Tyrian. Towards him, he's one of my favorite villains simply for the sheer lengths he'll go to in order to please his goddess, regardless of who he has to kill and how many. Against him, while I will admit he has some of the best fights in the series, his best fight is also the worst in the entire series. Story-wise, that is, because for some reason the other two combatants got way stupider than they should have.

Qrow Branwen: And speaking of fighters getting dumber than they should, here comes one now! Qrow was our introduction to what a REAL huntsman was like. And he did not disappoint! ...At least, when he first showed up. When Team RWBY were struggling against Tyrian, Qrow came in and fought him to a standstill. If Ruby didn't put herself in danger trying to help, Qrow could have won the battle and even been a big help later. Then again, for as skilled as Qrow may be, he's also got some personal issues that make him more of a hinderance than a boon.

Blake Belladonna: Thinking on it, Blake might be the best fighter of Team RWBY, besides Ruby. She has probably the most versatile weapon of the group, neither limited by range nor function, and watching her fight is always entertaining because, well, she's an agile-build fighter who uses airborne attacks to both maintain distance and to build momentum for closing in with killing blows. While Weiss and Yang also have their uses as support and tank builds, Blake feels like the only other fighter who actually has experience fighting.

Jaune Arc: Big surprise, we have the big man himself, Jaune Arc on my list. To the surprise of no one. No, but seriously, Jaune is someone to be praised for his combat skill, especially since his story is about how he literally showed up with 0 skill. I've seen people meme him as "Dark Souls style" and I can't argue. Where everyone else is over the top with their combat, Jaune manages to stay relatively grounded by comparison. No jumping or magic; just pure human strength, and what strength he has! Though, I will say that his usual style is more akin to tank/wall tactics. He's strong enough to take hits from heavy hitters, protecting his allies from heavy, crippling blows, and his semblance keeps himself and others in the fight.

Now, who else do we talk about... Oh, right! Since you brought them up...

The Curious Cat: For this, let's explain how their power works. Simply put, the Curious Cat's power mostly resides in their ability to possess creatures in a weakened state. Ruby was the intended target of this possession, having been forced by the Cat to avoid ascension while becoming physically and emotionally weaker over time. In the end, however, Ruby did ascend, and the Cat was forced to change their plans to possess Neo, who had also recently become emotionally vulnerable. Tactically speaking, the Cat is dangerous simply for their ability to take over and use the powers of another which, as stated previously, is overpowered to MAXIMUM. Once Neo had outlived her use, the Cat then made themselves more powerful by changing their body into something more combative. Combative enough to push Team WBY and Jaune to their limits. It wasn't until Ruby, who found new purpose and strength within herself that she was able to overcome the "Furious Cat" with the aid of her team.

So... yeah.

[kuroshitsuji-igurisshu]

The importance of details

𖤐Hello everyone Kuronians𖤐

To day I would like to tell you about a very interesting frame that can be seen in the fourth season of Kuroshitsuji. This frame made me realise the importance of details and how much Yanuzza takes care of his work.

As we can see, Ciel is in bed with the blanket covering him a little below his shoulder. He looks relaxed and we can tell this state because of his relaxed hand.The problem, however, is that Ciel would never sleep like that. A child who has been through something as traumatic as Ciel's would certainly not feel relaxed and comfortable in a strange place and with strange people. Rather, he would unconsciously seek some sort of 'protection', something that would shield him from reality, because as stupid as it sounds, falling asleep is not easy. Closing your eyes and resting means that you are relaxing and that you feel safe in the place where you are.

Yanuzza in the manga did not draw Ciel casually. First of all, the blanket covers him up to his shoulders, or rather, up to his neck, as if to shield him, to protect him from the outside, thus giving him the right reassurance. The hand is clenched into a fist, as if to indicate a certain rigidity due to the new situation he finds himself in.

When we sleep, we do not have control over our bodies, and precisely because of this, the positions in which we sleep can tell us a lot about ourselves because our bodies can reveal needs, fears and more.

The fact that Ciel sleeps in the fetal position is no coincidence, because people who sleep in this position often have a sort of unconscious desire to regress to childhood. Could this be the case for Ciel? Yes probably, considering that he was once happy. The point is not so much this but the fact that those who sleep in this position unconsciously seek protection. I find this last point very interesting indeed because it is precisely what Ciel lacked at the time....

Besides that, in the first volumes (Luxury Line arc) when we see Sebasian's memories, we can see the first night of the human cub at the mansion. He was completely wrapped up under the blankets (including his head) and if I remember correctly, this position is called the 'sarcophagus position' or a similar name that has to do with death anyway. It is not only a comforting position, but it really becomes a den, a safe place.

In the new season they have changed the position by unintentionally giving a new character to Ciel.Surely there will be people who think like me while others will say 'but it's just a frame'.

What do I think as a graphic designer studying at the Rainbow academy? (yes, the Winx) in the other animated series (excluding Atlantic) although the character design was immature (so much so that in certain scenes the characters from a distance had coloured dots as eyes) the details seem to me to have remained the same, but if it had been the other way round I would have turned a blind eye, after all the whole reflected the dark world of Kuroshitsuji. I certainly can't say the same about the new season since they changed both the colour palette and the character design.

For the umpteenth time since this new season came out, here I am again saying 'I am sorry that Yanuzza's work has been belittled' . I think that in order to understand certain things, one has to be 'in it', for example: to make my monogram and give it a story, I spent a good three months on it! Yes, three months for a monogram. As always, I'll be honest, I don't like the fact that she works her ass off for all these details (details that undoubtedly distinguish a story from one with dicks) details that are then not mentioned in the anime (not to mention the colours and other things because otherwise we'd be here a week)

For example, see how the real Ciel. It is the exact opposite of the position of "Ciel. If the brother is insecure enough to seek protection with blankets, Ciel doesn't give a damn about blankets. That is a position of one who is not afraid of anyone, a position that suggests a certain self-confidence, something that was missing in 'Ciel's' position.

I hope you enjoyed this post that makes us reflect on the details of the manga, a work that deserves much more because of the themes it deals with and the luxurious pain it is imbued with.

If you are curious to see more of my posts, you can find me on IG as Kuroshiutsuji_itaru 😈

[poluxpolarys]

the branch's bachelor party

A while ago I wanted to make a comic talking about Branch's bachelor party, however I never got around to it, or rather, I never published anything because although I did make some pages and drawings that would show where the story was going to progress, as well as create some OCs that would appear at certain points in the plot, none of that made it to my blog because I've always had problems doing big projects because of cringe and exhaustion (I know it's something that really shouldn't bother me, but these are things that happen when you have anxiety), and although I got to draw and paint several of the pages, I don't think I'll ever finish it. However, I decided that I didn't want to get rid of anything and I thought it would be better to show what looks best from the sketches/pages and explain in general terms what the story was about.

First, I want to remind that English is not my native language, so some of the things I write may be a little confusing. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

Also all the drawings presented are 1 year and something old

These three pages correspond to the beginning. It is supposed to show Poppy arriving at Branch's bunker by surprise to wake him up on his special day, since his brothers are about to arrive to take him on a trip to his bachelor party. Although Branch is not surprised to see that her entered his house, he mentions that it is time for him to give her the key to his bunker even though she does not need it because she knows how to get in anyway. In any case, Poppy would show a scrapbook of the wedding day idea, talking a little about the plan since Branch is supposed to go away for a few days on a trip with his brothers while Poppy stays with the girls celebrating at the Bertenos castle since it was the place where she could have all her sister-in-law and her bridesmaids. Everything would culminate when the brothers arrive on the wedding day.

Then we would see the arrival of the brothers who promise Poppy to take care of the future prince consort (they call him that just to annoy him a little) and after saying goodbye to the girls they begin their journey. The whole idea of ​​the comic was to show how after a long time the brothers finally have the space to talk about everything that happened in the past and how to try to connect and understand Branch. This is how one by one they have their time to reflect with their brother and this would go in order from oldest to youngest, with John Dori being the first to have his day with his brother.

John Dori's plot would talk about how hard it is for him to let go of things and although he is the older brother and now wants to spend quality time with his little brother showing that he is a mature guy and expert in older brother things like knowing how to camp or survive it is obvious that Branch is a very independent troll and that he doesn't really need help most of the time, after all he learned from a young age which causes a conflict since despite everything John just wants to show Branch that he doesn't need to do things alone and he as the oldest is here to help him. everything takes a turn when they happen to meet Hicktory who was on his way to the pop troll village to be there for the wedding. things get complicated for John as he feels he is facing an unexpected rival since Branch recognizes Hickory as someone very mature and someone he is willing to listen to

In between there would be some jokes that John would think that Hicktory would be trying in big quotes to flirt with Branch when that is not the case, in the end John Dory and Hickroy would talk because Jon was losing his head a little and was bothering Brach with his attitude towards his friend, Hickory being a very relaxed guy and being good at reading people would see John's actions and would help him connect with Brach getting them to communicate in the end before leaving and separating their paths it would be understood that Hicktory and John would probably have a date after

I will leave the story of Bruce, Clay and Floid for another post because I have to add the story of the OCs that appeared during the story (and that I did not write at the time, I only did the art). Also, this post is quite long by itself and I already cried when writing and translating how badly I write.

[atlasdoe]

no bcs i think dumbles was a trash headmaster and i would've had him stepping down from the headmaster position OR solely focusing in that bcs i feel like he was biting more than he could chew (then again the british educational system has always sucked and nobody gave a fuck about kids so can i? entirely blame him? not truly), BUT blame him for everything???? EVERYTHING???? people are sick. or too young. and need to read more.

yeah i realllg don't understand how people truly believe that Dumbledore is the root to all evil. I swear people are more mad at him for certain characters deaths more then they are at fucking Voldemort.

The thing with Dumbledore is that he's morally grey. He's not the perfect mentor that we're led to believe he is but that doesn't make him a full blown villain. He is not responsible for every bad thing that's happened in the series

and it's SO ANNOYING cause it's taking away everything that made these characters interesting. Like acting as if everyone in the Order was manipulated into joining takes away so much from them.

And as for the Death Eaters don't even get me started. Evan and Barty in particular died because of their own actions. They committed crimes, they were supposed to be arrested but they resisted and instead were killed. Dumbledore has literally no hand in that because he's not apart of the justice system and has never shown any signs of wanting to be

And as for the people who died during the Battle of Hogwarts blaming Dumbledore is just plain dumb. Dumbledore was literally already dead at this point and speaking of Remus and Tonks as if they were fully adults doing their job (as part of the Order and in Tonks case literally her job. It's her fucking job to fight bad wizards. It's what she gets paid for. She's a fucking auror) with the kids it's more McGonagalls fault if anything for letting the kids fight in the battle to begin with. But the fandom love McGonagall so they'd never admit it. Either way Dumbledore was already six feet under and played literally no part in the battle or had a say in who fought it (HE WAS LITERALLY DEAD)

Also while we're here let's talking about everyone else

James and Lily Dumbledore literally put in hiding to protect them "but he took the invisibility cloak" no. James gave him the cloak. We don't know why but considering James and Lily were in hiding and their lives were in the hands of their best friend Peter it's not hard to imagine that they deemed themselves safe enough to hand Dumbledore a cloak that wouldn't have fitted all three of them anyway

Cedric Diggory died because of three people and their names are Peter Pettigrew, Barty Crouch Jr and Voldemort. Maybe at best i'll give you that Dumbeldore wasn't looking into the odd things happening at Hogwarts (like Harry being chosen) enough but then you'll have to be prepared to blame every other teacher as well

Marlene, Dorcas, Pandora, Alice, Frank, and practically every other marauders era character had very little cannon information about their death but none of their deaths mention anything to do with Dumbledore. How tf is Dumbledore to blame for Pandora experimenting with spells???

Regulus is the same with Barty and Evan. That man went into the cave by himself because of something Kreacher told him about Voldemort. IF DUMBLEDORE KNEW THAT REGULUS WENT INTO THET CAVE AND KNEW ABOUT THE LOCKET THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE TAKE THE LITERAL CHOSEN ONE WHO HAS TO BE KILLED BY VOLDEMORT INTO A DEATH CAVE TO GET A PHONY LOCKET??????????

As i've said I don't even like Dumbledore like that but this fandom is killing me with all of this frankly stupid nonsense and it's killing my braincells

[redwolf41-blog]

Ok, so this got a little out of hand so I'm putting it under a Read More. I just love this show so much and can talk about it so much and have no other outlet for it than Tumblr. So... Here you go XD I'm keeping the first paragraph above the line break to help y'all get a peek of what I'm blabbering on about under the break. I might add more to this, who knows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I grew up watching Star Trek Voyager. I was between the ages of 3-9 while the show was airing, so most of the episodes I remember were either reruns or episodes in the last couple seasons. It was a show my father and I watched together all the time. I'm rewatching it again now, at 32 years old. I've rewatched it before, many years ago, but watching it now, and thinking about how it shaped me as a child has lent me a very interesting perspective of the show.

Captain Janeway was always my favorite character. She was someone I looked up to, and quite possibly my very first queer awakening. I watched the show mostly for her, so it was to her I looked and her actions I paid the most attention to. What little girl wouldnt adore her? She's strong, confident, self assured. She commands her own starship with grace and kindness and compassion, but also with a fierce determination that is almost unrivaled. For a little girl with no mother in her life, no other female role model? It was no wonder I turned to someone like Captain Janeway.

Watching these episodes, and watching her protect her crew so fiercely, watch her having to make all the hard decisions in an effort to do anything to get her crew home without sacrificing her own morals or principles, her trying to make as many friends with other races as she can along the way, affected my growth in ways I'll probably never understand, but will always be thankful for.

And its not just her actions that I feel this show did so well, but the relationships between the characters. On one side, you have Janeway and Tuvok, (a topic I posted about earlier), two old friends who stand by each other through anything and everything, an unfailing and fierce loyalty to each other that is a delight to behold. On another you have Janeway and Chatokay. Two people who used to be enemy captains who eventually see in each other something profoundly different. Their loyalty to each other is new, and takes time to grow at first, but, in my opinion, is no less fierce than it is between her and Tuvok. In her, Chakotay sees a future and perhaps salvation for himself. Its a beautiful relationship that never steps past the threshold of "what could have been." It feels like decades are left unsaid between them, and as a member of the audience I used to think that was tragic. I was so upset that they didnt get together when I was a child, but now? Its a relationship more media needs, in my opinion. They respect each other very much, and want the other to be happy, but they never quite take that extra step. Its a wonderful depiction of friendship between two people of the opposite sex. I dont remember if something like that was common in the 90s, but I feel like modern media has completely ignored this kind of relationship. They're too busy pairing off all the lead male and female characters. Seeing a relationship like Janeway and Chakotay is so important for people to see.

And then there's the crew. I finished watching Revelations just a bit ago. This episode, out of all the episodes Voyager ever aired, was the one episode I never forgot about growing up. The crew love Captain Janeway so immensely, they were willing to face down what could have almost been certain death (or worse) in order to get her back on the ship. Janeway's ship, previously running like a well oiled machine, was breaking apart at the seams without her. Their love, and their loyalty for their captain, and their willingness to do anything for her just like she's willing to do anything for them, is such a heartwarming relationship.

Watching this show so young, during such formative years, its no wonder I turned out so much different than my conservative father. I can only speculate on why he watched the show, but very little of it would be flattering. I doubt he saw the same things I did, or internalized them in any way similarly to me. I feel like Voyager had a powerful and profound message of friendship, loyalty, strength of character, determination, and the importance of kindness and never giving up. I'm so very glad this was one of the shows I got to grow up with, and I wish more shows were like it.

If you made it this far, thank you and I'm sorry. I get rambly when I love something, so I'm both sorry for rambling, and thankful for anyone who made it this far. Feel free to share your own thoughts if you'd like. I'd love to hear them

[elaho]

Stardew Valley MBTI x Enneagram: Haley

Following my last post about the Stardew marriage candidates and their MBTI types, I've been learning more about Enneagram, how it pairs with MBTI, and how it changes some of the typical characteristics of each type.

The Enneagram and MBTI complement each other wonderfully, providing greater depth and understanding of how a person interacts with the world [Cognitive Functions] and their motivations why [Core Desire/Core Fear].

Here are my thoughts on the MBTI and Enneagram pairs for Haley.

Haley - ESTJ 3w4: “The Professional”

“ESTJ 3w4s are ambitious people with a sprinkle of creativity. This personality type is goal-oriented and works harder than most. Because of their wing, they go about their tasks in a unique way.” - Personality Hunt

Haley’s Core Desire: To be successful and unique

The core desire of the ESTJ 3w4 is to be successful, using their wing to create a unique path for themselves.

Haley's desire for success isn't stated outright, but her actions and the dialogue about her in-game indicate that she's looking to achieve a certain level of 'societal success'.

However, she doesn't want to 'succeed' in the traditional way of actively working to gain success. Instead, she wants her own success to be achieved for her 'uniqueness'. By channelling her efforts into cultivating and maintaining her physical beauty, she aims to become the perfect trophy wife for someone rich and live a lavish life of luxury.

"Emily's friend had this swimsuit shipped to me from all the way out in Zuzu City. City fashion is on a whole different level, isn't it?"

"Laying out on a tropical beach.*sigh* I think I've finally found my place in the universe."

"This town is so small. It sucks. I have to drive, like, twenty miles to buy any decent clothes. That's why I usually just order online."

"I've decided I am going to organize my clothes today. I'll have to throw out all of last year's styles to make room for the new ones!"

“I wish Haley would get a job or at least contribute to cooking and cleaning. I think she's hoping to marry someone rich.”

Haley’s Core Fear: To be a failure or seen as a failure

The core fear of the ESTJ 3w4 is to be a failure or be seen as a failure, even if they know they aren't. Appearances matter a lot to 3w4s, both in how they see themselves and how they're viewed by others. However, Haley's desire for success goes beyond simple ambition. She seems obsessed with maintaining a flawless standard of beauty: perfectly tan skin, skin-kissed blonde hair, the latest fashion trends, flawless makeup and accessorizing, etc., Whom she associates with is also an important factor in appearing successful, such as having the 'perfect boyfriend' [Alex] and distancing herself from her 'weird' sister and others in her community.

Her behaviour leads many to believe she's just a spoiled brat who was babied by her parents, but in reality, Haley is afraid of failure; deep down she thinks she isn't good enough.

So to ease her own fears and insecurities, she tries to keep up with the impossible beauty standards she imposes on herself and hyper-focuses on how she is perceived by others who have, [in her eyes], achieved success.

Her pride prevents her from being honest with herself and accepting criticism from others when it matters.

“She should take the 'high road'? What's that supposed to mean? You think I'm being a baby, huh?”

“I'll be fine on my own...Thanks for the memories. Why are you still clinging to me? Go live your own life.”

“Haley is too proud to be heartbroken over the divorce... Or at least to show it.”

"My sister is so weird. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually related."

"I'm feeling an urge to go shopping. Ugh! I wish there was a mall here."

"…Well, I guess I used to like Alex. But not anymore! He's immature."

"I've never been to the forest. It's muddy and I could get a blister on my foot."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

How Enneagram 3w4 changes typical ESTJ behaviour:

New Strengths

1. Less Extroverted

"ESTJ are already introverted extroverts. The spectrum shifts even more with ESTJ 3w4s. Because of their wing, this personality type will crave alone time and autonomy.

So, expect them to be less social than typical ESTJs. It also means there’s a constant battle between type 3 and type 4 regarding human interaction.

The extent to which this applies depends on the strength of their wing." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

“Um... Yes? I didn't hear you, I'm thinking about something else.”

“Haley is ignoring you.”

“*sigh*...what do you think I should do today? I'll probably take a nap later.”

"I spent 3 hours practicing my signature today. I guess that's pretty silly, huh?"

"The only good thing about winter is that I get to sleep more. I like at least 10 hours of sleep every night."

2. More Interested in Fashion

Type 3s care about outward appearances and type 4s care about being unique, so it makes sense that ESTJs would be more interested in fashion.

Combined with their exceptional cognitive skills at strategizing [Te] and ability to maintain standards [Si], the primary goal of the ESTJ 3w4 is to create a lasting impression with their fashion sense.

Examples:

“Hmm... If it weren't for those horrendous clothes you might actually be cute.”

“Do you wear those clothes every day?”

"I'm going to start writing a list of all the clothes I need for next spring."

"I think I'm starting to realize that clothes aren't the most important thing. Right? I still like clothes, though. I mean, what's wrong with expressing yourself a little?"

3. More Creative

ESTJs are very pragmatic people who look to achieve tangible results in their daily lives. However, the ESTJ 3w4 is slightly different. Their enneagram makes them more creative and future-oriented than typical ESTJs.

As a result, they often have a good idea of what they want their near future to look like and infuse more art and creativity into their goals and lifestyle.

Examples:

“My name means 'field of hay', but I like to imagine it as a meadow full of sunflowers..."

“Wow, look at how the sunlight sparkles on the horizon! I bet the sunsets here would make for an amazing photo. I have to remember to bring my camera next time.”

"I felt like I had no direction in life before I met you. Now I have exactly what I want."

"We've got to make sure the farm is cute! That might be important… right, honey?"

“I cooked dinner last night. It actually turned out okay! But I did make a huge mess in the kitchen..."

"Hi, honey. Hey... I have an idea... I want to get everyone together for a charity cake-walk. Uh... It's kind of like musical chairs, but everyone wins and gets cake! You'll see...”

4. Status Conscious

"Type 3 is overly interested in what people think of them or how they’re perceived. This interest drives them to preserve their self-image. It also goes side by side with their need to look fashionable.

This has its advantages. ESTJ 3w4s are more likely to be noticed first. This can aid their careers." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

“Emily's friend had this swimsuit shipped to me from all the way out in Zuzu City. City fashion is on a whole different level, isn't it?

"This town is so small. It sucks. I have to drive, like, twenty miles to buy any decent clothes. That's why I usually just order online. What?”

“Hmm. What brand is your shirt? Oh. Um, never mind.”

"You got Haley to marry you, huh? I always figured she was out of your league!"

"I'll admit… I was a little jealous when you and Haley got married."

5. More Sensitive

ESTJs aren't known for being sensitive. They are Thinkers first and foremost, making them less sensitive to emotions and feelings [of others and their own]. Using logical reasoning, they prefer to communicate in a straightforward, matter-of-fact way that can often make them overly blunt, tactless, or dismissive.

ESTJ 3w4s are different. While they retain their inner logic, they are much more tactful and emotionally aware than typical ESTJs.

Once she connects more to her Introverted Feeling [Fi], Haley begins revealing the more sensitive, thoughtful, and empathetic part of herself. However, ESTJs tend to be very private about their innermost feelings and desires, so they only open up to people they are close to and trust.

Examples:

“Did you see last night's episode of 'Tears'? *sob*... I can't believe Kyle and Amy broke up...”

“Yesterday I found a seagull with her wing caught in a net. I set her free, of course. She looked so helpless, the poor thing.”

“...Maybe [my great-grandma’s bracelet will] wash up on another shore. I can't bear to think of it at the bottom of the ocean.”

“Fall is kind of sad for me... everything is dying.”

"I talked to my sister for a while last night. I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. You know, Emily's not actually that weird. I guess we have more in common than I used to think. Don't tell her I said so."

New Weaknesses

1. Can be Self Absorbed

"[Being an ESTJ type 3 with a] type 4 as a wing comes some weaknesses. One of them is the tendency to become self-absorbed. When stressed or unhealthy, ESTJ 3w4s might become wrapped in their bubble.

During these periods, they might become hypersensitive to any situation they find themselves. It can make them feel really special or cursed. Regardless of how they feel, it can make their loved ones feel like outsiders." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

“I feel the urge to go shopping. *sigh*”

“Your name is Farmer, right? I keep forgetting.”

"I wish someone would bring me a peppermint coffee. Don't even bother, I know you won't be able to make one."

[Spouse Flower Dance Accept] "*sigh*… My days of being Flower Queen are over… so it's a bittersweet dance for me."

"*sigh* I could really go for a cupcake right now. Do you need something?"

"I'm feeling an urge to go shopping. Ugh! I wish there was a mall here."

2. Competitive Streak

Type 3s are competitive people and while this can be admirable, it can also get out of hand. Combined with Haley's desire to be unique, her competitiveness comes out when comparing herself to the farmer, especially in the beginning of their relationship.

She constantly critiques the farmer's choice of clothes, profession, and even their smell. She is especially ruthless towards the female farmer, implying that Haley views her as competition.

Examples:

“Nice shoes. Are those made out of plastic?”

“Nice makeup. Or wait... Are you even wearing any?”

“Hmm... If it weren't for those horrendous clothes you might actually be pretty... Actually, never mind.”

"Don't you get tired of running around on that farm all day, or whatever it is you do? I couldn't stand getting all dirty like that. You probably get a nice tan, though."

“Getting the perfect tan is an art form...It's kind of like toasting a marshmallow... you have to rotate the body just right.”

"Ew, you're all dirty."

"Do you wear those clothes every day?"

"Hmm… Something smells weird…You've been working on the farm, huh?"

3. Excessive Focus on Self Image

"As stated earlier, self-image is important to ESTJ 3w4s for good reasons. However, when this is taken too far, it can cause problems.

This personality type can become too focused on self-image that they prioritize over anything else.

Thus, they may have fake lives and lie to seem more appealing. This can affect their personal relationships. ESTJ 3w4s need to sort out what’s most important." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

"Maybe I'll donate some of my skirts to a charity this spring. I mean, I do have over 1,000 skirts."

“Is that a grass stain on your knee? Sorry, I'm allergic to grass.”

“I've never been to the forest. It's muddy and I could get a blister on my foot.”

“My sister is so weird. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually related.”

4. Eternal Battle for Self-Identity

The conflict between type 3's need for image preservation and networking and type 4's need for independence can create a life-long inner battle for the ESTJ 3w4.

This can lead the ESTJ to wear facades for long periods, and if left for too long, cause them to lose sight of their core values and what they really want in life [especially if they get disconnected from their Fi]. In extreme cases, ESTJ 3w4s can spend their entire lives trying to discover who they really are.

Examples:

“I need to find some kind of hobby other than shopping. I've decided I want to expand my horizons. Maybe I should learn to play the mini-harp?”

"Shopping just doesn't sound as fun as it used to. What's happening to me? Hmm..."

“I should start reading some books instead of magazines. It's good to learn things, isn't it? I only ever look at the pictures.”

“I never thought I'd say this, but the country lifestyle really suits me.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion

Haley is one of those characters that, whether players love her or hate her, has more going on than what first impressions imply. We're first introduced to her as a mean, shallow, self-absorbed, spoiled brat of a 'princess' who only seems to care about her tan lines and when her next shopping trip will be.

However, once we get past her 'mean girl' facade, we see someone deeply afraid of failure or being labelled a failure. As a result, because she tries so hard to keep up with trends and outward indicators of 'success', Haley doesn't really know who she is and what she wants out of life.

Her friendship with the farmer helps her to get more in touch with her Introverted Feeling [Fi], her weakest function as an ESTJ. Once she does, she begins to define for herself what it truly means to be successful, regardless of external standards or expectations.

She starts to find meaning and purpose in embracing nature, getting into photography, and helping others in her community. She even organizes an entire charity event by herself, infusing her creativity and passion for cake into the event to raise money for Jas’ and Vincent’s education.

"Hey! Oh, good, you brought the cake!.. It's a pretty good turnout [for the charity cake walk], huh? Thanks everyone for joining in. We raised over 5,000g!... It was a big success! Thanks for helping out, honey.”

She comes to cherish the town she was once so desperate to escape from to be successful, and instead, finds meaning, value, and joy in being a part of her tight-knit farming community.

"I used to complain about this town being so small, but I've grown to like it. If it was much bigger it wouldn't feel like a community."

"I felt like I had no direction in life before I met you. Now I have exactly what I want."

Do you agree that Haley is an ESTJ 3w4? If not, what type do you think she is? Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------- References:

Personality Hunt: ESTJ 3w4 - The Complete Guide

[cosmicjoke]

hi! i really like your account and all your levi-focused analyses. i think this might be a weird question, but i'm sorta trying to make a similar blog, it's just i've very little experience analyzing mangas/comics. it's a bit different from books of prose, obviously. again, sorry if this is weird, but is there any stray advice u can give for analyzing comics?

Hi there, and first of all, thank you so much! I really appreciate that! I don't consider myself particularly good at analysis or meta commentary or anything like that. I literally just vomit my thoughts out and most of the time, it comes out extremely long-winded and tedious, I think, lol. I tend to be very unorganized with my thoughts, and writing them down helps me get a better grasp of what it is, specifically, I'm trying to say.

But I'll do my best here. My main advice for analyzing comics/manga would be to remember that it's a visual medium, and thus, the images carry just as much importance and weight in figuring out what's going on and what's being conveyed as the text itself, and sometimes, even more so. You have limited space for writing in comics/manga, so the author/artist needs to be able to convey a lot through the art alone. So just because something isn't put into explicit text, doesn't mean it isn't being implied or outright stated by the images themselves. Levi is a good example of this, I think, because he doesn't say a lot, and what he does say often comes out sounding rude or callous or aloof, like he doesn't care. And yet it's obvious to everyone with a functioning brain that Levi cares more than anyone. And the reason it's so obvious is, for one, his actions belie his seeming stoicism, with how hard he tries to help people and save lives, and the other reason is his expressions. While Levi often wears a flat expression, there are moments when what he's really feeling bleeds through, and it might as well be a blaring, neon sign declaring that, despite his usually stoic facade, he actually feels things more keenly than anyone else. You have to pay attention to the panels and what the art is telling you, just as much as what the text is. Often, the text can only be understood through the art. You have to interpret them together, I think, to come away with an accurate and objective understanding of the story and the characters.

Basically, a lot of subtext can be hidden in comics/manga, just like in prose writing, but a lot of it is often conveyed through imagery. And just like with prose, context matters. What came before matters. What comes after matters. You have to factor all these things in in order to form a full impression and understanding of the story you're reading. Like a character's motivation, what's driving them, can later be recontextualized based on a later event or action on their part, etc... The same for plot elements and so on. Like take Eren, for example, and the absolutely insane expressions he pulls very early on in the story, when he's in his titan form and killing other titans, etc... Eren looks mad, and that tells you something about his character. He acts a certain way most of the time, acts like he's concerned for his friends, that they're his priority, etc... but it's those moments of obsessive bloodlust that reveals the true nature of Eren's character. He's driven by a desire to commit acts of violence and destruction, and he gets lost in that desire. That's who Eren really is. The way Isayama draws that madness on Eren's face is in itself enough to tell you what sort of person Eren actually is, and helps you to better understand what it is he later does.

Anyway, I hope that helped. Again, I'm no sort of expert analyzer or anything, lol. I just get passionate about these things and I write super long posts as a result. But thank you so much for finding anything of value in what I do write. I honestly never think anyone will.