#I'll keep a mental note.
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cwritesfiction · 5 months ago
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How are you doing? well I just jotted the concept for a timeloop rom-com in my "future WIPs" doc, so there's that
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omnificent-orion · 3 months ago
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Do you still dream of escape? So near at hand?
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What is the point of dreaming when your body lies here, never moving?
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m4rs-ex3 · 18 days ago
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actually gonna take a mini break..... which could mean i won't go on tumblr at all or it just means i'll only be making simple posts and not reblogging, and it could be for the rest of the day or it could be for a number of days (this is significant i promise usually i would be yapping like CRAZY rn)
i don't like disliking my show. i don't need to hear about everything they did wrong when i want to be celebrating everything they've done right for 7 seasons. i can't expect everyone to decide that positivity is the only way and i can't expect people to not want to share their opinions when i can't seem to stop talking about my opinion on that. i don't want to do what i did when season 4 came out and i tried to forget tdp existed for months because i couldn't stand being a fan of something others didn't like. tdp is everything to me. i'm not letting this part of my life go because i care too much about what everyone else thinks. and i know that's nobody's fault but my own, but still. i'm hoping it dies down, but even if it doesn't, i just need to step back and remind myself why i love this show, and that that is all that matters.
i know it is NOT that deep but the finals week stress + mourning-in-advance + insane adrenaline rush and joy while watching followed by + immediate feeling of dread and incredible sadness and confusion and anger after i've already had a rough couple and months and tdp was the sole thing keeping me going, it has all just been a lot, as i'm sure you can imagine. it sounds so excessive and sensitive and it probably is those things, but it's how i feel. mainly i just really needed to get this off my chest lol
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foreverxdaydreaming · 3 months ago
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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dream-sans-mogai · 18 days ago
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You know what? I'm not done.
The fact y'all white mogais fought tooth and nail to not have to put white in your bios or somewhere readily available was actually insane and confirms my already existing theory that some of you think once you have a certain amount of kins, f/os, irls, mental illnesses, xenogenders, orientation modifiers, alters and neopronouns, you lose white privilege and it absolutely shows that you do not lose that privilege exclusively because y'all have become pretty consistent white saviors lmao
Like y'all literally cried about it being too identifiable about you and being the same as doxxing like you weren't already sharing with everyone the exact percentages of your orientation attraction, age, state you live in, public name, like... I have to wonder hard how many of y'all participate in anti-racism activism to be an ally, actually understand why certain things are actually racist and help POC and how many of you exclusively do it to look better to other (white) activists and ease your white guilt.
Now y'all aren't even including byi/stance pages on top of a total lack of dni and wonder why radqueer beliefs are seeping in and every new term is basically transabled under a different name. I called it when I first saw this new batch pop up and I'm saying it now, they have their radqueer blogs with their radqueer content that you have blocked and they have their other blog named something like prxncxss-of-nxght or something with $50 worth of custom lazy caard graphic edits with needy streamer girl and 17 titles but no public stances for all their normal xenogender content. You didn't fight it so there they are. They ain't saying shit. Hell, no one said shit when ra/diomo/gai litterally reblogged a word for word transabled term. "Internal self" you realize that's just flowery language right? Like the creator themselves already said that it applied "to the soul and not the physical form". Please read a room. "#disability"? Are you actually fucking kidding me? No one batted an eye?
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I don't think the community is dead because I don't follow a lot of big names anymore or because a lot of big names have deactivated, y'all just stopped caring and moved on despite all these beliefs you said you cared about. I don't really care, I've pretty much known from day one that a majority of the community is literally just full of shit about all these 8 paragraph basic feminism posts and vents crying about racism from fully white people.
I'm not someone to rip someone apart publicly for being what they say they are, then there's no need, but lieing about it? Damn, at least be shitty honestly.
Don't harass me, the creator of that term or ra/diom/og/ai over this. Just block and move on, I'm not having some public drama back and forth over a clearly transabled term.
#clover speaks#no one said a word#no call out no notes calling it what it is coiner is a literal radqueer#like yall dont care and even though i knew it im just glad i dont have to pretend to believe ur activism claims anymore#you wonder where i went i went back to my art back to things that make me happy#this community may be less trigger happy but now they are snuggling up to radqueers just like i predicted#i knew it was gonna happen and i knew the community would just keep going and its why i hooped off this train years ago#despite yalls claims of being critical inclusionists and wanting to educate instead of hate ive seen this all happen before#the inclusionist vs exclusionist saga didnt die because one side beat the other#a fuck ton of inclusionists became map supporters over night and all the exclusionists just lost interest and moved on#this is what will continue to happen to every movement the ultra progressives on this site create until you grow a backbone#yall are so scared of invalidating someone who is genuinely harmful that youve become the thing you claimed you hate#ive clocked multiple terms that were ableist or interphobic but because yall never make any effort to actually listen to us#you've allowed radqueers to basically indoctrinate you while the rest of us watch you zombie shuffle onwards#youve liberalpilled inclusionmaxxed ur way into the fucking sun#im not coming with yall yall have fun but im not going to smile to ur face and pretend you even remotely have disabled and intersex peoples#best interests at heart#the community has always been ableist#the community has always been racist#the community has always been interphobic#it wont change until any of you can accept that just cause you feel some way in passing dosent mean its a valid identity#even if its not in passing its still not inherently morally neutral#I'll keep being me but like literal transabled terminology is seeping in and its hitting the worst of us first but yall have never listened#so not shocking nor surprising that no one caught this and thus did not say shit#yall love to scream that your moderate personality disorder is the same as my severe autism and subsequent mental disability are the same#every july but you sure dont give a single shit when someone pretends to have our condition and makes up a word and throws some pantones on#a png and calls it valid#grow a backbone or continue being the laughing stock of the disability community i aint helping either way
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turtlespancake · 6 months ago
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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pondscummy · 8 months ago
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the "also sick" comment isn't like "btw I'm SICK, how dare you not know" it's me saying I'm sick like how 2/3 of my roommates are
but like I'm so;;;; it feels so rich that L is like wtf do you want from me about me not replying for 45 minutes when I had to beg his gf over hours and hours of texts every so often to not force me to sit in unwiped shit after my surgery bc she had openly told me she just didn't rly feel like setting up the attachable bidet after telling me for weeks she would, and I never ever got a reply from her or L ever acknowledging that they were wide awake hanging out and laughing while I was like stuck in bed barely able to move begging for follow through on a commitment they made in advance and i eventually had to spend over $100 to hire someone to come out the next day and do it for me and I had to hold my shit for hours lmfao
like L is sooooo great at couching things in flawless tumblr wellness speak but only to talk about how valid they are for not showing up for you and how fucked up it is that you MIGHT ever have a moment where you can't be 100% there w them. like idk what to tell you I've been laying in bed with a sore throat and cough and fever passing out and waking up to roll over in buckets of sweat like the rest of the house. I do genuinely get being annoyed by a lack of response but it's also right back to this whole thing about Always assuming I'm mad at them which is legit one of the only things that actually makes me mad fjdkddhk like bro I do not THINK about you when you're not acting like I'm a bomb about to blow (also, as an aside -- we all take turns buying TP and it's usually me who does it like it's not out of pocket for me to say hey you are the One person who is out of the house already rn, can you get this on your way bc None of the bathrooms have back up rolls and one is totally out and I had to text our sickest roommate telling her to use the bidet and drip dry like.... "am I the first person you asked" yes bc you are the person who makes the most sense dumbfuck. I'm not being "overly needy" toward you or whatever jfc)
they literally told me at one point that the reason they're so scared of me is that my face is "triggering" for them when I'm angry or not feeling good and puts them "back in a really bad place" they have seen my face angry literally 3 times and each time it was on my way back to my room to decompress and each time I said nothing to them other than that I was in a bad mood and I was going to go to my room. I didn't yell either I just said it normal. like I genuinely feel gaslit here like I'm this horrifying monster of a man when it's like dude sometimes people are mad I don't know what YOU want from ME!! I do all my venting here where they can't ever see it even tho we've blocked each other, I censor their name like anyone even knows who they are, I isolate to chill out and it's literally been less than a handful of times like should I fling myself from the roof??????? would that fix it???
I literally know it's bc I'm a man too. none of this was like this until my facial hair came in more and it got crazy worse after I got top surgery and they're so so vocal about how much they despise men and think men should all fuck off and die and there's only a handful of acceptable men that they've personally vetted. despite them pretty clearly having a trans woman fetish bc they only date or look at porn of trans women and they do the whole step on me mommy thing about it even tho their gf has complained like. lmfao you're just a baby te//rf even tho you ID as trans masc yourself. like that's all this even is. I'm a big (5'3") scary (spent the whole weekend w my coworkers asking if I was 12) man who's obviously going to snap and kill you all bc sometimes I *checks writing on hand* get frustrated and go lay down about it
#pond.txt#and again i'm not EVEN mad rn (well. obviously i am *now*) i was SLEEPING like fhekdjdkddjl bro let me live i'm SORRY#should i whip myself should i kiss your feet my lord and savior jc. should i fall upon my sword for you.#is my t dick too big and scary to live together does it cast shadows in the hallways that frighten you HDKSDHKDDHDK#all the time i wish wish wish there was some way for me to move out early without me fucking myself financially#but i'd be on the hook for $11.400 and i do NOT have that to drop dhskddhhfj and i would need to pay that PLUS buy a car#it was so night and day the difference in my mood when i was on my work trip tho. even when i had moments of like feeling down on that trip#it was so fleeting and so like. well I'll do what i need to so i can care for myself#whether that was staying in my room and getting some sleep or rallying and being like hey @ self you're making shit up about no one liking#with no proof so let's get back downstairs and hang out w someone new and prove ourselves wrong.#life felt so bright and happy and it was so easy to talk to strangers and laugh and just let loose and like myself#even on a 13 hr travel day i was like taking notes on mental health things in my journal and reflecting and feeling so positive about makin#changes like not letting excuses stop me from going out and living my life even in this interim period between moves#and then i got back home and was like oh right. this place that makes me miserable with people who openly dislike me. great lmao#my plan is still to try to not let myself get in my own way of living life bc if i can get out & meet people it'll keep me away from here.#ANYWAY!!! *eats cough drops like candy*
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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professor just told me we dont have class this week and to instead watch a movie where a chara has a mental illness and to make mental notes of their behavior and how they're treated for it so anyways which ttm movie should i rewatch
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regisraven-a · 2 years ago
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i will have writing inspo for 3 days straight only to go [cricket noises] for the next six months
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weirdlet · 2 years ago
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Things to explore as part of the whole reincarnation thing for the orcs: this body is transient, and thus what happens to it is irrelevant, vs this body is mine and I will decorate my temple how I like.  Trying to find and nurture the sacred in what has been exploited and demeaned, and what that means for individuals.  To the orcs, the idea that a body is sacred, a temple, is *laughable*- it may be so for other beings that were made by gods, but they were made by men.  For work, for war- they had the notion beaten out of them, even as every living thing strives and reaches its breaking point where someone pushes back.  And yet- generation after generation, there is a furious push to find home in the self, without holding the body inviolate and perfect as the only true ideal.  Shit happens, having flesh sucks, and you work with what you’ve got and find ways to adapt.
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asplundh-r · 2 years ago
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gotta add for my black and brown folx DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE WAY FOR WHITE PEOPLE EXPECTING YOU TO ACCOMODATE THEM TRYING TO OCCUPY THE ENTIRE MF SIDEWALK. WHITEY CHICKEN. GET WITH IT. white folk will do just what this post says men do and expect you to apologize for them running right into you. white women have been the BIGGEST offenders I've encountered as a Black woman. bitch I refuse. mama said they don't own the sidewalk and somebody gotta teach them that lesson. not like their parents ever did 🙄
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zackcharine · 2 months ago
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i need a walking around aimlessly tag so bad and i also. Need to stop my brain from fucking with what the ep actually representsJXHXBD
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hiodoshi-ao · 1 year ago
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nosyp · 18 days ago
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Twst Second Years reacting to someone else calling you 'honey' or 'sweetheart'
First years | Third years
A/N = WOOOHOOOO I'm actually continuing it, pls like share comment n subscribe y'all!1!!11!
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Riddle Rosehearts
He stops mid-motion, his eyes narrowing sharply at the person.
“Excuse me? I believe you’ve forgotten your manners.” he says as he crosses his arms, stepping in front of you like a shield.
His voice is firm but icy, “They’re not yours to address so casually.”
He’ll fume about it later, pacing and ranting to himself about the audacity. Like "THEY did not deserve to call you by THAT nickname, only I can,"
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Ruggie Bucchi
Ruggie immediately tenses when the sound is processed, body unmoving, but hides it behind a grin.
“Honey? That’s cute, but I think you’ve got the wrong person.” he tells the other person.
Casually drapes his arm around your shoulders, keeping you close.
Might ‘accidentally’ use his connections to make sure that person doesn’t get too comfortable around you.
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Azul Ashengrotto
His smile falters for a fraction of a second before he regains his composure.
“Honey? Sweetheart? My, how bold of you to use such familiar terms.”
Steps in with a charming but slightly threatening demeanor.
“You must be unaware that (Y/N) is under my care. Do let me know if I need to clarify further.”
Quietly seethes, thinking about ways to ensure the offender never oversteps again.
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Jade Leech
He smiles at the offender, giving a polite and eerie smile, kind of giving the signal to run too.
“Oh? How endearing. Though, I do believe that’s our thing. Right (Y/N)?”
Steps closer to you, his hand resting lightly on your back.
Keeps his calm demeanor, but there’s a promise of subtle revenge in his tone.
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Floyd Leech
Immediately frowns, leaning in with an uncomfortably close stare.
“Eh? Honey? Sweetheart? That’s MY nickname for Shrimpy!”
Wraps you up in a possessive hug, grumbling about how annoying the offender is.
Might or might not... escalate to something worse... maybe yelling or maybe chasing the person off if his mood sours.
HEY! At least it's safe to say that guy's probably not gonna ever try anything with you ever again. :)
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Kalim Al-Asim
Looks surprised at first, but quickly recovers with a cheerful laugh.
“Oh, (Y/N)’s the sweetest, aren’t they? I’m lucky to have them!”
He then takes your hand or links arms with you to show you’re his.
Feels a little twinge of jealousy but lets it slide because he’s confident in your bond.
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Jamil Viper
Freezes for a split second before letting out a low chuckle.
“They must’ve mistaken you for someone else.” he says in disbelief, after all why would someone else call you that?
Later, he'll position himself between you and the offender.
Makes a mental note to remember the person’s face in case they try again.
If they do try again, say bye bye.
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Silver
His initial reaction is just to blink in surprise, but then he manages to remains calm.
“Honey? I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm. Maybe it was just an honest mistake.”
Gently shifts closer to you, his protective instincts kicking in.
Though polite, he gives the offender a piercing look, silently warning them to back off.
Later, he might overthink the situation and wonder if he should’ve been more assertive.
A/N = Ngl i feel like some were ooc.... if some are please do tell i'll rewrite. FEEDBACK is appreciated btw!!!
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muniimyg · 2 months ago
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♡ 03: where art thou? why not upon-eth me?
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series m.list // taglist
note: u can all thank my prof for pushing back my case study due date 😍 ,, tbh i give u cute moments in this pt and then i ruin ur life at the end <3 flood my asks and i'll update soon HAHAH ,, mwwaaaa
warnings: oc flirts with jk a lot ,, smut (sort of) ,, oc slaps jk ,, big fight lol
//
for obvious reasons, that car ride changed everything. 
it’s like a switch flips in your mind, a new experiment, a new challenge. you’re determined to push him. test him. see how far you can go without him snapping.
so, the week begins and you take notes. like a scientist, you’re methodical. 
careful.
but your methods are anything but innocent. 
you're testing him with everything you can think of: words, touches, close proximity—anything to see how he reacts. 
and fuck, does he react.
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when monday rolls around, you start subtle. 
you’re sending him texts, clingy and cute, with just the right amount of affection to make his insides churn. you’re expecting a response, something—anything. but when the texts go unanswered for hours, your smile falters for just a second. 
his replies come in cold, sparse, detached.
nerd [12:13PM]: u’re trying too hard  nerd [12:18PM]: stfu for the rest of the day, yea?
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on tuesday night, you attempt to perfect the art of being close without overdoing it. 
it’s a delicate balance—teasing the line between friendly and intimate, but you feel confident… partly because the circumstances are on your side. mentally, you thank jimin for inviting you over to join their movie night. 
as you sit next to him on the couch, your body just a little too close, brushing against him ever so slightly. your shoulder presses against his, the fabric of your shirt grazing his skin. 
it’s subtle, but it’s enough to make him feel the weight of your presence beside him. you watch him out of the corner of your eye, waiting for any sign, any reaction. his eyes stay glued to the screen, but you catch the subtle tension in his shoulders. 
you can feel it in the way his muscles tighten, like he’s aware but is trying to pretend otherwise.
you don’t pull away. 
instead, you lean in further, your body pressing against his just a little bit more. you can feel the heat radiating from him, and it makes your heart race. you let your head gently rest on his shoulder, letting the weight of it fall naturally.
for a moment, his body is still, like he’s frozen in place. his breathing stays steady, controlled, but you can tell he’s aware. his jaw tightens ever so slightly, and you notice the way his fingers twitch, like they’re itching to push you away, but he doesn’t. his hand, though relaxed, sits just inches from yours, and you can almost feel the friction between the two of you, an invisible force keeping you both in place.
"are you serious?" he glares at you.
you take note that his voice is flat but tinged with something else—like he’s trying to convince himself this is all just a joke.
you smile, pretending to play innocent. 
“what?”
“___…” he warns. “… fuck. whatever.”
“yeah?” you tease. “whatever? jungkook, i’m just sitting here, enjoying the movie," you say, tone light, as if there’s nothing unusual about the way your body is pressed so close to his.
he shifts uncomfortably, but you can tell it’s not a total rejection. 
his arm, once resting by his side, is now slightly tense, fingers flexing just a bit. 
“you’re really pushing it today," he adds, his voice gruff, but there’s no real bite behind it—just a hint of reluctant amusement. “the guys will notice.”
you don’t move.
you just stay there, head still resting against his shoulder, feeling the way his body stays taut beneath you. 
“let them.”
his jaw tightens again, but he doesn’t push you away. 
instead, his arm stiffens where it rests against the back of the couch, like he’s holding himself back. 
“you comfortable?”
“mhm,” you answer half-heartedly. 
“with me?" he says, raising an eyebrow as he looks at you sideways. "keep lying to yourself. you should quit this shit soon.”
you smile knowingly.
his words are harsher than he means them to be, but his body says otherwise. he’s not pulling away, not really. his chest rises and falls with a quiet exhale, and you can feel the warmth of his body seeping into yours.
“if it’s so shit, then you move." you murmur, pressing just a little closer.
he shakes his head, his hand twitching again like he’s about to do something, but he doesn’t. 
instead, he leans his head back against the couch and tries to focus on the movie. you can tell he’s trying to hide the way his breath catches whenever you get too close, but you notice it all the same.
the silence settles, but it's different now. 
you’re closer, and you can feel the way the tension thickens. he doesn’t push you away, and he doesn’t pull closer, but his body is no longer stiff. 
there’s a slight shift—a crack in the armor, just enough for you to know you’re making progress.
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when wednesday arrives, the tension between you and jungkook shifts. you can feel it in the air—a subtle change, like a shift in the current. you’ve pushed him just enough that now, you know he’s starting to feel something. 
maybe it’s curiosity, maybe irritation, but whatever it is, it’s there. 
and that’s when you go for it.
you’ve intruded his home for the 2nd time this week (thank you yoongi for the emergency key). you’re standing behind him as he fiddles with something at the counter. you glance at him, making sure the space between you is just close enough that you can brush up against him without making it too obvious. 
you take your time as you lean across the counter to grab a mug. 
the movement is slow and deliberate. you make sure your boobs brush against his arm as you do. he’s taller than you so no matter what; it’s inevitable. 
he’ll see what you intend for him to see.
it’s casual like you’re just going about your business… but you watch him carefully, studying his reaction. his body stiffens for the briefest second. his eyes flicker, narrowing, before he quickly schools his features again, turning away slightly. 
but you see it—you feel the way his jaw tightens, the way his shoulders shift. 
it’s all there, even though he tries to play it cool.
you don’t move away. 
instead, you linger just a little longer, standing closer than you need to, your body just a bit too close to his. you watch as his eyes flicker, the smallest hint of frustration in his gaze, before it softens into something you can’t quite place. 
maybe it’s confusion. maybe it’s something more.
“you look handsome today,” you say, the words slipping out with that playful, almost too-casual tone. though your voice is light, there’s a little challenge in it. you know how it sounds, and you know it’s enough to get under his skin.
for a moment, there’s a beat of silence. 
he doesn’t flinch. 
doesn’t even look at you directly. 
… but you can feel the weight of his gaze on you, and when you glance at him, you see his lips pressed together tightly. his face is impassive, but you know better. he’s holding back, trying to keep it together.
“cut it out,” he utters under his breath. 
it’s not the sharp command you expect, though. it’s more like a warning. like, he’s not sure what to do with the way you’re pushing him. his gaze flickers down to your lips for a fraction of a second before he quickly looks away.
you grin, knowing you’ve struck a nerve. 
then, you pull back just slightly, but you don’t move too far. you keep your body close, letting the space between you linger with tension. slowly, your eyes flicker to his, catching the way his gaze darts between your eyes and lips, and the flicker of hesitation in his expression.
you know it’s working. 
the coldness is a mask, a shield, but it’s starting to crack. the way his body tightens ever so slightly, the way his breath hitches for a fraction of a second, it’s all the proof you need. he’s trying to pretend he’s not affected, but you can see through it.
innocently, you tilt your head, studying him. 
"what’s wrong, jungkook?" you ask, your tone dripping with false sweetness. "did i make you uncomfortable? or just horny?”
he looks at you for a long moment, his eyes narrowing again, but you see the shift in him. 
he’s not as cold as he wants to be. 
there’s something softer in the way he looks at you now, the way his shoulders relax just a little. but the silence stretches between you, and you can feel the unspoken words beginning to weigh in.
jungkook stays quiet but the tension is undeniable, and you know—you know—he’s not as unaffected as he wants to be.
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on thursday, you decide to be a menace.
the timing has to be perfect, so you wait outside jungkook’s lecture hall, pretending to be on your phone. 
when the doors open, students file out in waves, and there he is—black hoodie, backpack slung over one shoulder, looking as effortlessly cool as ever. he’s walking with a few of his classmates, casually chatting. you wait until he’s just a few feet away before stepping into his path.
the bump is perfectly orchestrated. 
your shoulder brushes his, and your notebook, pens, and phone all tumble to the ground with an exaggerated clatter.
“oh no…” you sigh dramatically, crouching down immediately to gather your scattered belongings. jungkook stops, his classmates following suit, their conversation halting as they glance at you and then down at your outfit—a fitted crop top and a tiny skirt that rides up a little too much when you kneel.
you hear a low whistle from one of the guys behind jungkook.
“damn,” someone murmurs, and that’s all it takes for him to snap. 
his jaw tightens as he bends down next to you, shoving your phone and notebook into a messy pile before grabbing your forearm, and making you stand.
“seriously?” he mutters, glancing behind him at his classmates, who are still ogling. “you couldn’t wait to drop all this somewhere without an audience?”
you blink innocently, brushing off your skirt as you stand. 
“it was an accident,” you pout at him. “but thanks for helping.”
his glare softens, but only slightly. he bends down again, this time crouching low and deliberately blocking the view of his classmates as he picks up your things.
“wanna introduce me to your nerd friends—“
when he straightens up, he thrusts the pile into your hands, but before you can even say anything, he asks, “where are you going?”
you hesitate, taken aback by the question. “uh, the other side of campus...”
jungkook doesn’t miss a beat. 
“i’ll walk you.”
“really?” you say, surprised, but already grinning. he looks like he regrets offering the second the words leave his mouth, but he doesn’t take it back. “you don’t have to. did you have a meeting or something with your marine conservation club?” 
he tilts his head at you. 
“what? i’m not mr. save the dolphins today? your tiny brain actually remembers my club name?”
you shrug.
“i’m not that dumb.”
“so you say,” he grumbles. “but yeah. i do have a meeting. i’ll just attend it late.”
gasping, you let out a last-minute squeal. “mr. perfect attendance is tarnishing his rep for me?”
“it’s fine,” he says flatly, glancing back at his friends and muttering something about catching up with them later. before you can tease any further, he’s taking your notebook and phone from your hands, tucking them under his arm as if it’s his duty now.
as the two of you walk, you chatter away, filling the silence. 
normally, he’d roll his eyes or tell you to be quiet, but today, he listens. 
he nods occasionally, even hums in acknowledgment, though his eyes are straight ahead, his expression carefully neutral. you can’t help but notice, though, the way his hand finds its way to your waist—lightly at first, almost hesitant, but then it lingers, his fingers splayed across your side as though keeping you close.
and then, as if his subconscious takes over, his hand slips lower, brushing against the curve of your ass. your steps falter for a moment, and you turn to look at him, a teasing smile tugging at your lips.
“jungkook?” you say, arching a brow. “y-your hand…”
he blinks, glances down, and quickly pulls his hand back, shoving it into the pocket of his hoodie as it burns him. 
“shut up,” he hushes you, his ears turning red. "you wanna act like an ass? at least give me some."
you laugh, loud and unapologetic, and he glares at you, his lips pressed into a thin line. 
but you notice the way his shoulders are less tense now, the faint hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. he doesn’t say anything as he walks you the rest of the way, carrying your things like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
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on friday, you leave him alone.
no texts, no calls, and no showing up.
by 2pm; jeon jungkook realizes he misses you.
so, jungkook caves.
nerd [3:02PM]: wya? nerd [3:04PM]: come over :/ yn [3:08PM]: hiii yn [3:08PM]: what for ? nerd [3:09PM]: sent image attachment nerd [3:09PM]: figure it out ?
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you don’t see jungkook until saturday night.
… which, isn’t too bad considering it would’ve just been like… a day and half since he last saw you—but it was bad. 
jungkook ran through all the possibilities in his head. 
could he be sick?
could he be undergoing some sort of unconscious stress that’s leading him to feel this way about you? 
or… was it finally time for him to accept the truth?
when the doorbell rings, jungkook wants to answer it. 
but he stops himself.
he isn’t easy. 
he doesn’t want to be. 
instead, he lets one of the guys answer it. 
as you walk into the room, you’re greeted with the view of the guys are lounging around, a few beers and snacks spread across the coffee table. jungkook is in his usual spot, slouched in the corner of the couch, his hood up, legs stretched out like he owns the place.
he looks up when you enter, his dark eyes flicking to yours for just a second before darting away, as if the sight of you doesn’t make his heart trip over itself. you catch the subtle change in his posture—he straightens ever so slightly, his legs pulling in just a bit, his shoulders losing their slump.
“hi,” you call out, your voice light and warm as you shrug off your coat.
he nods at you, keeping his face neutral. 
“hey,” he replies, the word coming out gruff, almost dismissive, but you don’t miss the way his gaze lingers as you move to take a seat. 
you plop down on the couch next to him, close enough that your thigh brushes his. he stiffens at the contact, his hand twitching where it rests on his knee, but he doesn’t shift away.
“mad at me?” you tease, tilting your head to look at him, your lips quirking into a grin.
he looks at you funny. 
“why would i be?”
you shrug.
“you aren’t greeting me like the way i want you to.”
he leans forward. “how do you want me to greet you?”
you pause, pretending to take a moment to think. then, you take his hand and gently place it on your upper inner thigh. his eyes widen and you stroke his hand gently. 
“wanna—”
he scoffs, his expression carefully guarded. jungkook catches your bluff.
“god, you’re annoying.”
yet, the corner of his mouth betrays him, twitching upward just a little.
you giggle and then push his hand off. 
the banter is effortless, the tension between you subtle but electric. 
throughout the evening, you’re all warmth and light, leaning into him when you laugh, your hand brushing his arm or shoulder every chance you get. at first, jungkook attempts to resist. 
his replies are short and his eyes anywhere but on you… but as the hours slip by, you feel him softening, his walls starting to crack just enough for you to sneak through.
then comes the game of mafia.
the group gathers around the coffee table, cards dealt, and jungkook ends up as the supposed villain. the accusations start flying almost immediately.
“you’re way too quiet, man,” taehyung declares, pointing at jungkook with a dramatic flourish. “you’ve got ‘mafia’ written all over you.”
jin chimes in, grinning. “yeah, it’s always the quiet ones. plus, look at him—he’s sweating.”
“i’m not sweating,” jungkook snaps, sitting up straighter, his jaw tightening. “i’m wearing a fucking hoodie and you guys turned up the heat. you're all so fucking bad at this game, you've all been sabotaging me physically!”
the others laugh, piling on more ridiculous accusations. even you can’t help but join in, a mischievous grin tugging at your lips.
“sorry, jungkook,” you say, shrugging with mock innocence. “you do look kind of guilty.”
his eyes snap to yours, and for a moment, something raw flickers there—hurt, maybe, or frustration. his lips part like he’s about to say something, but instead, he pushes back his chair and stands abruptly.
“what the fuck do you know, ___?”
old habits die hard.
“chill,” yoongi warns. “it’s just a game.”
“whatever,” jungkook says, his voice clipped. “this game’s stupid anyway.”
without another word, he turns and storms off, leaving the room in stunned silence. the sound of his bedroom door slamming echoes.
the group exchanges awkward glances before taehyung leans toward you with a teasing smirk. 
“our boyfriend is in a mood… what should we do?”
jin chuckles. “___, you should probably go check on him before he sulks himself into oblivion.”
rolling your eyes, you push yourself up from the couch. 
“he’s so dramatic,” you chime, but there’s a softness to your voice as you head up the stairs and down the hall towards his room. 
a part of you hesitates… partly because of the event that occurred the last time you were here. but, you shrug it off. as you stand before his door, you raise your fist to knock but abruptly, he swings his door open.
“what do you want?”
“how’d you know—”
“you’ve got heavy ass fucking feet.”
you hiss at him. “yah, sore loser energy does not look good on you.”
opening the door wider, you step inside. he huffs and sits on the edge of his bed. with his hood still up, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, he glares at you with a mix of irritation and something else—something softer.
“did they send you up here to check up on me? what did they bribe you with this time?”
“nothing actually,” you answer him truthfully. “i’ve got my own motivations.”
jungkook can’t help but crack half a smile. 
“like what?”
you lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms with a small, knowing smile. “wouldn’t you like to know?”
before he lets himself enjoy this moment, his jaw tightens, and he looks away. his gaze fixes on the floor. 
“why’d you turn on me?” he huffs, his voice quieter now, almost vulnerable.
you push off the doorframe, stepping closer.
“it’s just a game, jungkook,” you say gently, your voice deliberately soft. “you’re not actually mad, are you?”
his shoulders tense, a flicker of something crossing his face—annoyance, maybe, but there’s something deeper underneath. his hands clench into fists on his thighs, the muscles in his forearms flexing as though he’s trying to ground himself.
“it’s not the game,” he finally says, his voice barely above a whisper, rough and raw like it was dragged out of him against his will.
you blink, caught off guard by the weight of his tone. “then what is it?”
his jaw tightens, and for a moment, he doesn’t answer. his fingers twitch at his sides, and then he’s dragging a hand through his hair, pushing back his hood. his hair falls messily over his forehead, but he doesn’t fix it. when his eyes finally meet yours, it’s like being hit with a tidal wave—anger, frustration, and something else that makes your breath catch.
“you.”
your heart stutters in your chest, but you keep your composure, tilting your head slightly. “me?”
he exhales sharply, shaking his head like he’s trying to find the right words.
“you play too much.”
his voice is rough but lacking its usual sharpness.
“you get in my head… and then you just—” he cuts himself off, the frustration rolling off him in waves. his leg bounces slightly, and his hands grip his thighs again, knuckles pale from the tension.
“you don’t even care,” he says finally, his voice quieter now, almost like he doesn’t want to admit it. “what the fuck were you doing to me all week? experimenting or some shit? fuck, isn’t your major psychology or something? you’re basically being trained to be a psycho.”
the jab stings, but you ignore it. instead, your chest tightens at his words, the vulnerability he’s trying so hard to bury beneath his irritation. you take a step closer, your knees almost brushing his.
“i do care,” you say softly, reaching out, your fingers brushing against his knuckles.
his gaze drops to where your fingers touch his, and for a moment, he’s completely still, like he doesn’t know what to do. then, slowly, his hand turns over, palm-up, brushing against yours with a hesitance that makes your chest ache.
“then can you stop messing with me?”
there’s something about his tone—about the way he says this. his words are one thing, but the ache of his deliverance is completely something else.
“i wasn’t messing with you,” you whisper, your gaze locked on his.
his lips part slightly, and his breathing is uneven as his eyes search your face, like he’s looking for something—an answer, a hint, anything.
“then what are you doing?”
you lean in, closing the distance just enough that you can feel the heat radiating off him. your smile is soft, almost teasing, but there’s a weight behind it.
“making you want me.”
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jungkook is good. 
you have no idea how or why, but your underwear and skirt are on the other side of his bedroom floor. 
your legs are spread wide for him, as he licks his fingers and begins to gently drag it inside your folds. he separates them before lowering himself in. he looks at you, not breaking any eye contact as he flicks his tongue against your clit. 
you clench your fist. 
after a few licks and sucks, he lifts his head away. he brings his fingers to your mouth, cueing you to suck on them. 
you do. 
as he places his thick fingers inside, you part your mouth and suck on them. bobbing your head and twisting your tongue around his digits as you suck—jungkook winces at the way you do so. 
“fuck,” he utters. 
as he takes his fingers out, he begins to massage your folds. his pressure is firm yet pleasurable. his fingers trace around your entrance and play with your clit. you feel your toes curling as he breathes near your pussy. 
it pulsates. 
he can’t help it. the view is just too fucking perfect. jungkook massages your folds, spreading them a part before he spits on it. he takes his thumb and rubs in his saliva. massaging it in, slowly and surely—mixing it with your wetness. 
“good kitty,” jungkook praises. “your pretty pussy is swelling up, ___. what’s going on? excited? horny? happy? you’re so wet, baby. so fucking—do you hear it?”
jungkook shoves his fingers inside you, curling and pumping them in and out. you gasp at the sharpness but feel completely immersed in his act. 
.. and yes.
you do hear it.
you hear how wet your fucking pussy is.
“o-oh my god! j-jungkook—”
“yeah, baby?”
your stomach twists. 
“d-don’t—stop. stop calling me—”
“sorry,” he apologizes quickly, shifting his body to tower over you. he caresses your face, his thumb lingering on your bottom lip. then, he kisses your cheek and trails his kisses down to your neck. you moan at his softness. 
he’s so close to you. it’s only now that you realize how addictive he is.. from the way he smells to the way his touches make you feel…
he’s perfect.
in this moment, he is everything to you.
“sorry,” he repeats against your skin. “i’m sorry, kitty.”
you gulp. 
“do you forgive me?” he pouts, resting his forehead against yours. “hmm? forgive me, please.”
“i forgive you,” you breathe. “c-can you—”
just as you reach for him, he shakes his head. 
“can’t kiss you,” jungkook sighs. “won’t know how to get rid of you after.”
you smile. 
“you wanna get rid of me after this?”
jungkook stays quiet. 
you shift. 
“no.”
just as jungkook leans in, your lips inches a part—
the door suddenly creaks open.
a girl—someone you didn’t recognize—steps halfway in, her hand still on the doorknob, her brows lifting in surprise when she sees the two of you.
her eyes darts between your flushed face and jungkook.
“oh, shit! uh—sorry,” she says quickly, taking a step back but still lingering awkwardly in the doorway. “i didn’t know you had a tutoring session before mine... i’ll, um, come back later, then? sorry to interrupt.”
before you can even process her words, she’s gone, the door clicking shut behind her. the sound left a hollow sort of silence in its wake like the air had been sucked out of the room.
you blink at the now-closed door, the words tutoring session before mine looping in your head like a broken record. your chest tightens, heat crawls up your neck as you turn back to jungkook. 
his expression is already shifting, panic bleeding into his features.
you shift your body entirely, pushing him off you.
“wait,” he starts, “shit, ___. it’s not like that—”
“okay,” you say flatly. 
you get up from his bed and grab your underwear and skirt. yanking them on, your movements frustrate jungkook. 
he doesn’t know what to do. 
in any and every angle—he’s in the wrong.
“i’m sorry, okay?” he tries again, stepping closer. his voice was softer now, almost pleading. “it wasn’t—i didn’t know she’d just barge in like that. i thought the door was locked—”
you shove past him, your shoulder brushing his as you make your way toward the door. you could feel the pressure building behind your eyes, a sick mix of anger and humiliation clawing at your throat.
“wait—” his hand shot out, grabbing your wrist, but you ripped it free, spinning around to glare at him.
“don’t.”
“___, please—”
“it’s not about whether or not the door was locked—” you choke, “it’s… fuck. tutoring session, really? is that what i am right now? is that what she is—”
“no,” jungkook answers sternly. “holy fuck, please. let’s talk about this—”his jaw tightened, and for a moment, he looked like he was about to let you go, to just let you leave. but then he took a step forward, his voice sharp and cutting—
“___, what did you want from me?”
you freeze, your hand still on the doorknob, your back to him. the words hit you like a slap, knocking the wind out of you.
jungkook takes a chance. 
he steps closer to you. 
“... because, honestly, i don’t think you even know.”
you stay quiet. 
jungkook clears his throat. 
“well, fuck. if you don’t know, then it’s not my fault,” he says, his tone hard now, defensive. “you can't want things from me and then not know how to handle shit, ___. you don’t get to make me another one of your fucking situationships. you wanted me to want you and this—holy shit. this isn't my fault. it’s yours—”
suddenly, your palm connects with his cheek before you even realize it. the sound of the slap reverberates in the room. his head jerked to the side, and for a moment, he just stands there, stunned.
your hand stung, your chest heaving as you stared at him, your vision blurring at the edges.
“i hate you.”
“___, i’m sorry—”
but it’s too late. 
you don’t even bother looking back as you storm out of jungkook’s room, your chest heaving with a mix of anger and humiliation. the tears are already burning at the corners of your eyes, but you blink them back, determined not to let them fall. your feet carry you down the hall, towards the stairs, your vision blurry with rage.
“wait—” jungkook’s voice echoes behind you, followed by the thud of his footsteps as he chases after you. he hustles, dressing himself as he goes after you.
“fuck off!” you snap, your voice trembling but firm.
he doesn’t listen. 
of course, he doesn’t. 
“holy shit—please! ___, stop. just fucking hear me out—” he pleads, his tone exasperated, like he doesn’t know what else to say.
“stop?” you spin around halfway down the stairs, glaring up at him. “stop what, jungkook? stop assuming? stop feeling humiliated? stop—”
your voice cracks, and you hate how raw it sounds.
“whatever.”
jungkook freezes on the step above you, his lips parted as if he’s going to respond, but nothing comes out.
you don’t wait for him to gather his words. 
you turn back and keep walking, practically jogging down the last few steps and into the living room where everyone else is. their laughter dies down the second they see you—flustered, teary-eyed, and furious—followed immediately by jungkook chasing after you.
“uh, what’s happening?” namjoon asks, his eyebrows raised as he glances between you and jungkook.
“are you two fighting?” jin’s tone is a mix of concern and curiosity, his head tilting as he watches the scene unfold.
"fuck," jungkook groans. "no shit, hyung."
“guys, let’s all chill,” taehyung interjects, raising his hands like a referee. “we’re all friends here—”
“he’s no friend.” you cut him off, your voice sharp and laced with emotion. you’re trembling now, fighting the tears that threaten to spill over. 
the room goes silent.
even taehyung, who was halfway through a casual shrug, stops mid-gesture. everyone’s eyes dart to jungkook, whose expression shifts from startled to pained in a split second.
“what am i to you, then?” jungkook asks, his voice low but audible enough in the tense quiet. he takes a step toward you, his hand reaching out before falling limply to his side. 
you don’t answer. 
you just shake your head, the tears finally breaking free as you turn on your heel and head for the door. the air feels suffocating, and you need to get out of there before your emotions betray you any further.
“wait—” jungkook’s voice cracks, and for a moment, it sounds like he’s desperate. he jogs after you again, his hand catching your wrist just as you’re about to reach the front door.
“why the fuck are you so pissed about this?” jungkook cries. “holy shit, you’re infuriating. you know that?”
“are you done?” you ask him coldly. 
a beat. 
“do you want me to be?”
1K notes · View notes
felixbit · 4 months ago
Text
up all night
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pairing: bang chan x gn!reader w. 3.9k genre: shameless smut summary: chan is in the studio working late, stressed about a deadline and pushed to his limit. you convince him to take his mind off work. warnings: reader has somewhat implied afab anatomy but no gendered terms/pronouns are used. petnames used: baby, love, honey a/n: making my smut debut with chan! written for the best person ever
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As of late, Chan has been in the studio far more often than you'd like.
You knew he was a workaholic when you got into the relationship. He cared about his career, music, and group so much he'd push himself to the brink. He wrote, composed, and produced all of his own music and wouldn't have it any other way. If he wanted success, he needed to make it himself.
It came at a cost, though. You saw the way his mental health would deteriorate around the time of deadlines. He'd spend almost entire days in the studio, perfecting every last word and beat. You watched as he shaped this music from his hands, sculpting them to smooth out every edge and imperfection.
Even Chan was far too aware how bad it was for himself. You'd try to find ways for him to take breaks, always bringing him food and water to keep him going. He'd thank you in a million ways, with words and fond touches but it ended in him going back to work.
When he finally was home, he returned to the kind and gentle boyfriend you knew him to be. Holding you as you fell asleep and buying your order at the local coffee shop before you woke up. He'd make you breakfast in bed when he had the time, writing love notes whenever he had to leave before you woke up.
As it always happened, a new deadline was approaching. Chan often slipped out after schedules to the studio and worked himself down to the bone. You tried your hardest to spend as much time in there with him, even if it was just laying on the couch scrolling your feed. Every little thing helped.
That night, you'd ordered him some takeout but it was eaten long ago. The time on your phone showed it was half past three in the morning and Chan was at it in earnest. Headphones on, replaying samples and tweaking sounds.
You looked over from your phone when you heard him swear under his breath and take his headphones off. Chan let out a long sigh and covered his face with his hands for a moment before looking back down at his work.
"It- it just won't sound like I need it to. It's not right, it's.." Chan rambled into the air.
You got up from the couch and walked behind his chair, putting your hands on his broad shoulders and massaging them with your fingers. "I know, Channie. Is there anything I can do to help you right now?"
"No, I'm sorry," Chan let out a long sigh and smiled up at you weakly, "You being here is enough."
You felt a stirring in your stomach at the sentiment, but you wouldn't give up that easily. "I can't just let you suffer alone here. Do you want to take a break or wrap up for the night?"
"I won't remember how I want it tomorrow. If I give up on this now, there's a chance I never fix it and it goes out sounding wrong. I can't do that."
"Chris," You stopped massaging his shoulders to turn his chair around, looking down at him, "I know you want it perfect. Write it down on a sticky note what you want and take a break. It's gonna be four soon and I'm not letting you spend another all nighter here."
Chan looked up at you curiously before deflating back in his chair. "I mean- are you sure? If I forget, it's gonna be noticeable, and-"
"I'll remind you. I'll put it in my phone and tell you exactly what you need to fix. Here, tell me what it is and I'll write it down. Got it?"
Chan paused for a moment before nodding, allowing you to open your phone before speaking. He gave you the exact timestamps of the song and the strange producer jargon that you couldn't quite make sense of. You wrote it down word-for-word just as he needed it.
"There, it's in here for you later," You recited it back to him and he gave a confirmatory nod, "You're all set for tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? I can't be done for the night, there's too much to work on and not enough time. I'm sorry, just another hour. Please?"
You shook your head and set your phone down on the table before sliding into his lap, straddling him in the chair. "You're not working another second on those songs tonight, Chris."
Chan looked up at you a little stunned before a sly smirk crossed his face. "Baby, you know that's not fair to me. I need to work and you're doing something dangerously distracting."
"What are you going to do, then?" You replied back, unable to hold back a grin, "You gonna remove me from your lap to do some boring work instead?"
You could see Chan chew on the inside of his cheek before sighing. "It's not boring, and I really should get back to it.."
"Then you're going to have to remove me yourself, because I'm not moving."
Chan let out a dramatic sigh before his hands moved up the outside of your thighs, resting right next to your hips. "You know damn well I'm not going to do that."
"And why's that, Channie?"
His hands moved over your thighs, giving a light squeeze. "God, you're driving me insane. Coming into the studio every night and making yourself useful at every opportunity.. I wanted so bad to stop just to make you feel good. You deserve that, instead of me working the whole day."
"Your opportunity has finally come, I'm all yours if you want me right now."
Chan chuckled, "You could ask me that a thousand times and I could never say no."
You leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Then make your move."
There was a moment of silence before Chan pulled you in for a kiss, messy and rushed. His hands were all over your thighs, waist, back. He couldn't pick a spot and stick to it, deciding instead everywhere needed to be felt over.
You tried to keep things centered, your arms wrapped around the back of his neck. One of your hands played with the curls growing on the back of his head, enjoying the soft feeling through your fingers. It was the only thing keeping you sane.
His hands finally found a place to reside when he hooked them on the hem of your pants, giving light tugs as you felt him squirming under you. Pulling away from the kiss with a grin, you looked down at Chan and his flushed appearance. "So eager.."
"Can you blame me? Now stand up and help me get those off," Chan demanded with a rushed voice, helping get you to your feet as he followed in your footsteps. His usually deft hands were fumbling as he desperately pulled your pants off of you and discarded them to the floor.
Watching him undo his own sweatpants like a madman had you giggling at the sight. "You go one week without any action, and this is how desperate you get?"
"I'm a starved man, honey," Chan's face was red and already had sweat on his brow, "I can't wait any longer, not after all that teasing."
"Teasing? What-"
"Get on the damn couch."
That much was enough to have you laying down on the couch without hesitating. His sweatpants joined yours on the floor, showing off the black boxers he was sporting underneath. A quick glance showed he was pitching an obvious tent.
Although as quick as you were, Chan caught you looking. He raised his brows and laughed, "And I'm the eager one here?"
"You are the eager one here, hardly put your hands on me and you're giving those boxers a run for their money," You responded with your own laugh.
"You little.." Chan shook his head and leaned over you, putting his weight on one forearm on the couch as he kissed you once more. Instead of the fast and desperate pace he had set before, Chan was far slower and delicate. It was almost infuriatingly slow.
You couldn't show how much you wanted him to go faster, that would only prove his point. Instead, he was slowly breaking you down by the second, one arm stabilizing himself and the other hand on your neck, softly stroking your jaw with his thumb.
The waiting game paid off when Chan suddenly took your bottom lip between his teeth, giving it a small tug before he pulled away. "I can't keep this up. You win. Damn you, I'm eager."
There wasn't time for any words to respond before Chan was back where he was before, sloppy and fast. He kissed down your neck, excessive in his biting and sucking at the sensitive skin. Not expecting it, a sound broke its way out of you.
You did your best not to give in to the rest of his harsh and aggressive kisses down your neck. After a week of downtime, he was making up for it in marking your neck as his own. Nobody was going to know who the perpetrator of the hickeys were later (other than the upset staff), but it was the idea that mattered.
There were bigger problems actively stealing your attention. Namely, the small amount of friction made with him moving ever-so-slightly between your legs. It was easy to ignore at first, but the neck kisses were causing the pleasure parts of your brain to kick into high gear.
With one harsher movement than the rest, you were unable to bite back a small, unfiltered sound that escaped you. Chan broke contact with your red and bruising skin to look up with a grin on his face.
"What was that, love?" Chan's tone was starkly different than before, far more teasing and with a dark edge to his voice that you only recognized coming out in bed.
Attempts to take his attention off of it failed and you were forced to fess up in the moment. "You have to stop moving like that, it's driving me crazy."
"Moving like what?" Chan shifted his legs, slotting his thigh directly between yours and pressing firmly against you. This elicited a frustrated sigh, the feeling too strong to push away.
Upon no immediate response, Chan pushed his thigh forward and forced a fuller, more in-tact moan out of you. "Fine, fine- that. Putting your thigh between my legs. That's the thing that's driving me crazy."
"There you go," Chan's words were sickly doting in a way that made you break at the seams, "What do you want instead?"
With his thigh slotted firmly between your own, finding coherent strings of words was difficult. "Just.. get this underwear off me and use your fingers instead."
Chan smiled, clearly pleased with your answer. He moved his leg out from between yours, relieving the pressure and allowing you to breathe. He sat back on his legs as he removed the last layer of clothing from below your waist, tossing it to the growing pile on the floor.
He nudged himself closer, Chan's hand finding its way to where his thigh was once situated before. His middle finger teased you with a circular motion around your entrance, so close to where you needed it most.
"Chan." You demanded, shooting him a glare.
"Okay, okay. Just admiring how worked up I've got you," Chan smirked before his finger pushed inside, slowly filling you up and drawing out a long sigh. He worked slowly yet decisively, knowing exactly how you like it.
That was one of the things you loved about Chan: he knew your body like the back of his hand. Where you were most sensitive, what drove you wild, how rough you liked him to get. He could push your buttons perfectly, string you up in his words until you were tied up into a nice present for him.
Before you could process the first, Chan had already added a second finger and was growing more confident. He worked his fingers in and out in a steady rhythm, not slow enough to leave you wanting more nor fast enough to want to slow down.
"That good, baby?" Chan's eyes met yours, and you saw a different side of him for a moment. The way he sought your approval and made sure everything was right had your heart melting. He had confidence in his abilities, but occasionally needed reassurance.
You nodded eagerly, on the cusp of desperation. "It's good, Channie, you're doing so good," You said between soft moans as his fingers pumped deep, feeling him tease a third and giving him a nod.
The third was always a stretch that had you biting back whines in conjunction to moans, but the feeling was too good to beat. The feeling of being full, on his fingers or otherwise, was what drove you wild.
He kissed you once more, slow and tender as his fingers continued to work. It was hard to keep properly connected, devolving into moaning against his lips with small kisses in between.
"Chris," You said, "Can't wait any longer. Need to have you inside, baby."
Instead of his usual entourage of teasing questions, Chan nodded. He made quick work of his boxers, tossing them haphazardly towards the pile as he moved back to you. He was painfully hard, already leaky and worked up.
"Can I?" He looked down for your reassurance, which came with a nod as he lined himself up. His hips moved forward slowly, feeling him filling you up more by the second. It always took a second to adjust to the size, catching your breath as he bottomed out and waited for your signal.
When you gave him the go-ahead, Chan couldn't help but begin a slow and steady pace. He knew better than to go fast right off the bat- he was a lot to handle. But you could hear him whining softly over top of you and knew he was desperate.
Looking up at him, you cupped his face and pulled him in for a quick kiss. "You can go faster, Chris. You won't hurt me."
You heard Chan let out a breathy laugh before his thrusts grew harsher. Instead of the slow, fluid motion of before; he was faster, precise. Every movement had purpose, each angled just right and hitting the sweet spot.
The sudden adjustment had you whining and letting out louder moans, unable to properly cope. It was overwhelming how good he was at it. All you could do was wrap your hands around the back of his shirt and claw at it helplessly as he had his way.
The fabric getting in the way of your fingers on his skin was beginning to frustrate you. "Off," You managed to get out, "Shirt- off."
Chan grinned, sitting up for a moment and slowing down to a snail's pace to pull his black t-shirt over his head and discard it. You reached up, dragging a hand down his chest and over his abs. Every muscle was yours to touch, to claim.
"You like what you see?" Chan said with a laugh.
Deadpanning, you shook your head. "Shut up."
In a second, he was back over top of you and his pace was back with a new force he didn't have before. It was often he was without clothes, but you weren't under the impression a shirt would be the thing holding him back. Either way, you relished in the fact his back was open to you.
Your nails dug in to his tanned skin, dragging along as he fucked into you steadily. You could hear him sucking air in between his teeth followed by his soft moans. He was always one to endure a little pain.
An idea popped into your head when you thought of before, sitting in the chair in his lap. "Chris, stop for a sec." He immediately halted all movements, looking down at you to make sure everything was alright. "Sit normally, facing the booth."
Chan looked at you perplexed for a moment, but pulled away. He did exactly as you told him to, sitting with his legs spread facing the booth he was just sitting in front of not twenty minutes ago. "What are you planning?" He asked.
You sat up and climbed over to him, straddling his waist with your legs and feeling him hard underneath you. "What I wanted to do to you when I was in your lap earlier."
The realization slowly filled his eyes and a knowing smile returned to his face as he sat back, leaning against the black couch cushion behind him. "Go right ahead."
"If you make me do all the work, we're going to have problems," You glared at him as your hand guided his cock, slowly sinking down on it with a sigh.
Chan's large hands wrapped around your waist, slowly guiding you as you moved up and down. Riding wasn't always the easiest job, and it definitely took some getting used to at the start. Your thighs were slowly building up muscle from the practice.
"God, you're so pretty like that," Chan's voice pulled you from your thoughts, looking down at him to see him smiling up at you. His face was pink and he almost had stars in his eyes.
Seeing just how infatuated he was made your heart race and your face flush, almost forgetting to continue to move. "You're pretty, too."
Your hands were situated on his shoulders to keep steady, but one dragged down and you couldn't resist feeling up his chest a bit. Chan looked up at you smirking again. "Do you ever keep your hands off those?"
Snickering, you pushed down a little harder to see him whine and catch his breath before you responded, "If you're going to keep your clothes off all the time, I'm going to feel up the assets you work so hard on."
"Why do you insist on teasing me all the time? You know what happens when you do that," Chan had a dark look in his eyes that you knew far too well.
Shrugging, you moved your hand up to run through his hair. "Did you ever consider I might like what happens when I tease you?"
"So be it."
Without hesitation, you felt Chan's grip around your waist suddenly tighten. You leaned forward instinctively, both of your hands secured around his shoulders.
He began to thrust up into erratically, fast and without caution or precision. The sound of your skin connecting was obscene, thanking the amount of soundproofing around you as a chorus of moans spilled out of you. Every movement had him deep inside you as you attempted to roll your hips along with him.
"Fuck, Chris," You whined, his pace unrelenting and seeming like he wasn't going to let up any time soon, "Close."
There was a distinctive feeling growing, one you knew too well. The amount of pleasure from every movement was rapidly growing as your body was being overwhelmed. Chan heard you, but didn't stop for a moment. It was almost if it was a sign for him to fuck you faster.
Either way, you were tipping over the edge before you had time to process it, spasming around him as you let you a whorish moan. He slowed down, letting you ride out the high. "That's it, baby," He coaxed, "You got it."
Just as you settled down, you felt him start to work himself into a moderate pace again. Your legs felt shot from your energy levels dipping so you asked, "Do you want to me to move, baby? I don't think I have much in me to keep going right here."
"If it's not comfortable to be right there, of course we can move," Chan said with a smile as he allowed you to reposition to pretty much the same spot you were in before. You laid on your back, Chan coming back over top of you. "That better?"
"Much better," You said with a nod as he went back to the pace he had set before. It wasn't as rough as before your orgasm, but steady enough to keep you whining and your brain somewhat fogged up from the constant pleasure.
Meanwhile, you could see Chan was already getting worked up. His face was redder than usual, his eyes trained on one spot, breathing hard as he kept the effort going to thrust his hips in one continuous pace.
His deep groans and whines had begun to turn into full-fledged moans and swears under his breath. His hands eagerly gripped and kneaded at your waist, seeming like he might accidentally bruise the skin. You were about to open your mouth when he said something.
"Honey, I-" Chan was cut off by his own faltered moan, "I'm close, so fucking close."
You pulled him down to kiss him briefly, keeping his face inches from yours as he continued to erratically thrust. "You don't have to wait, cum for me."
Chan nodded vigorously, his hips snapping back and forth at a speed that had you holding onto the couch for dear life, hearing him let out strained moans and teary-eyed cries as he climbed closer and closer to the top.
All of the sudden, he pushed deep inside you, letting out a gasp and a whine as you felt him come deep inside. His hips stuttered as he slowly rocked them, riding out the high. "Oh my god, that.. that was amazing."
Allowing him a moment to catch his breath, you smiled up at him and gave him another quick kiss. "I've missed you, Chris. I've missed this," You admitted after another silent pause.
Chan nodded, pressing his forehead against yours and sighed. He had finally mellowed out, still buried deep. "I've missed you, too. I'm sorry I haven't been able to do this with you and.. be a good boyfriend."
"No, you're okay. I know how much work matters to you and getting things right means that you see that success you've always wanted. I just always miss you in the times you're working, even if I'm in the same room as you."
"I just feel bad when you're here til way too late at night. Speaking of, what time is it?" Chan slowly pulled out, leaving his mess inside you as he quickly grabbed his phone from the floor, "Oh my god. It's half past four."
Your jaw dropped, standing up quickly as Chan hurried around the room to find something to help you clean up. He settled for his own black t-shirt, telling you he'd just go home shirtless if he had to. Of course it looked terribly stained when you had wiped yourself down, sighing while knowing it probably cost a crazy amount.
Digging through a closet, you found one of Chan's old jacket. Chan was standing shirtless and pacing with the rest of his own clothes on, the defiled shirt balled up in his hand.
"Channie, guess what I found?" You asked with a grin, hiding the jacket behind your back.
Chan looked at you with a nervous smile. "Is it something good? I'm just not super stoked to walk home shirtless at four in the morning.."
You tossed the jacket to him, Chan opting to drop the shirt in his hand before he caught it to not get the filth on it. He happily slid it over his shoulders and zipped it up all the way, picking up the soiled shirt once more.
"Shall we go?" Chan said as he double-checked his pockets and walked towards the studio door.
"We shall."
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