#I'll do anything I'm on my KNEES
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gold or silver iβm getting a ring rn and then iβll be home
ily pls don't divorce me i just got home from Black Friday HELL
#pls kiss kiss#I'll do anything I'm on my KNEES#[ π ]β one true loves#[ π€ ]β please stand by#also silver
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there's somethin about maid eito and bookworm yakumo
After i drew ‴
i woke up the next day and said, NO. I NEED BALANCE!!!!
theeeere we go
#theyre sio exstupido#maid eiden walks into the room and i fall to my knees in supplication#anything u want kittymaideito. i'll sayt the stupid chants over my omuyrice. i'll do a little dance for u#yeah. so i get the . yakumo losing his life savings to his fave charming maid#it's a horrible addiction. this maid cafe habit of yakumo's#in a universe where they don't yet know each other#and yakumo falls into a spiral of throwing all his cash at eidream#once eiden finds out that yaku's entered Maladaptive Territory with the visits#you know. like. the man's actually struggling to keep his finances afloat bc he's too busy buying out eiden's entire stock of photos#then eiden will do that π¬ my guy i'm worried about u . like. i'm not worth spending your tuition money. pls.#cocoa is all: yeah... as much as i want the cafe to be successful idk how i feel about customers getting evicted bc of us#aster is all: YOU FOOLS!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU TELL A LOYAL CUSTOMER TO *STOP* SPENDING?!?!?!?#cocoa and aster debating in the back room about the ultimate goal of customer Happiness vs squeezing these simps for all they're worth#yakuei#nu carnival eiden#nu carnival yakumo
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I am SO grateful that ed and stede exist as characters exactly as they are. I'm so grateful for these two men who are traumatized and messed up and struggle to even like themselves, who are terrible at communicating, who make enough mistakes between the two of them to fill an entire ocean. I am so grateful to watch them struggle and be seen and be loved and reach out for the things they want and are maybe starting to believe that they deserve. I'm so grateful that the show lets them fall in love and get together exactly as they are, that it doesn't say they need to wait until they've become some unattainably perfect version of themselves before they have permission to have that. i am so grateful for ofmd
#ofmd#there are no other shows like this one#I'm so tired of media that repeats the same idea that you need to hit a list of predetermined therapy milestones (determined by who???)#before you can fall in love#I'm honestly tired of fic that does this with ed and stede too#because guess what#you can live in the 21st century with access to therapy and dsm diagnosis and a bunch of different medications and you can be doing all the#right things and still be a trainwreck!!!#putting in the work doesn't mean you're gonna become perfect and never have problem again any more than falling in love doesn't mean you'll#never have problems again#I'll forever be crying on my knees levels of grateful for the unique writing on this show#for saying that it's okay you can be a mess you can take one step forward and three steps back and you'll still always be deserving#of love and grace and forgiveness#you don't have to do anything to deserve you deserve it just because you exist#i love this show with my entire heart#alex watches ofmd
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sometimes I think I can be normal while taking screencaps of my beloved husband. I am always incorrect
BONUS BECAUSE I'M IN THE THROES OF AGONY OVER THIS STATUESQUE MAN
#your honor i LOVE him#in my dreams i am always in flagrante delicto with him#any time any place any position he wants it he has it#the bonus picture makes me weak in the knees AAAUGGHHH#i need to be wrapped around him so tight he can't breathe#i just. want to hear him moan one time#ONE TIME and i'll be satisfied#but this whole set is just perfection to me#every time i see him in that snuggly blanket by the fireside my brain goes into full domestic scenario mode#where am i???#where am i in these photos if i'm not tucked up under his arm with my head on his chest??#the sexiest thing maximus ever did was exist#he literally does not have to do anything he can just stand there#and i am a flood of desire for him#look at his beautiful sparkly eyes and his perfect nose and kissable lips and smooth neck and LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM#i need him emotionally physically spiritually biblically and every other way there is to have him#i need to experience the Broadness personally#in my bed#for an entire night and also an entire lifetime#i would NEVER get bored even if we did the exact same thing over and over#just to be with him i would be content forever#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#low quality screencaps of a high quality man
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Random assortment of stuff that reminds me of Gpi idk....... I miss them
#hai gpi fandom......#Are any of you still here....m#Do you guys still go here.......#because i do. i doooo#PLEASE TALK TO ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#PLEASE I NEED CONTENT#I NEED POSTS#GIVE KE ANYTHING#GIVE ME FICS GIVE ME THOUGHTS GIVE JE HEADCANONS#WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU......#Atlas ...... Thinking about you everyday and looking off into the distance and sighing#as if you were my dead wife in one of those movies#PLEASE I PROMISE I'LL POST MY GPI ART........ JUST PLEASE..... FEED ME........#I'm not even joking I'm so desperate rn#head in my hands on my knees sobbing#i still love these guys I'm still insane. hey. is anyone else insane. :(#gruesome playground injuries#gpi#corey gpi#doug gpi
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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now in my head i understand and i know it's a very good and cool artistic choice that during the scene in s3 of seven saving thirteen (you all know what i'm fucking talking about let's be so fr do i even need the screenshot) that when it plays back seven actually reaching out for thirteen that it's not a fluid animation and it's frame by frame movements to illustrate how little time they had and how quickly seven was moving to save her. yet however as an editor with a specific taste for my own content i'd fucking love this thing to have a bit more GODDAMN MOVEMENT /J
#IT MAKES ME SO ILL AND I CAN NEVER USE IT#BECAUSE MY OLD EDITS WERE SO BORING I'M REALLY PHOBIC ABOUT /NOTHING/ ON SCREEN MOVING FOR 3 WHOLE SECONDS#(the reason i dont edit pjsk mcuh lmao)#AND ITS LIKE PLEASE THESE FRAMES MAKE ME SO ILL#I'M BEGGING YOU#DIRECTOR I'M ON MY FUCKING KNEES#I think if the director heard the full translation and length of the insane things I say he'd be concerned for my well being#I think about his show more than I fucking do#Probably harder too i'll overanalyze anything#Some animator βthis detail will look coolβ me fr βHOLY SHITβ#scissor seven#killer seven#wu liuqi#seven
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asked my boss for my old job back... & i WILL beg at least a little bit if it comes to that
#crazy how i looked at my savings last year & said i can't stand this job anymore and i can afford to leave rn so i will#and a year later i'm on my knees. begging for scraps. very fortunate that i live w my sister but i had the terrible realization this year#that i don't know how to do anything special. like nothing on my resume sets me apart. just a lot of glorified admin work#like i'll take a paycut. i'll take on more work. i'll even travel for it (i was always allowed to say no before)#anyway. it's been a humbling year#txt
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If I was a vampire my "I spent 5 real-time years in modded Vintage Story" video would go so fucking hard you have no idea
#goddd vampires if ur real please bite me I'm desperate#I wanna be biologically immortal and eternally youthful oh please oh please#the pale skin and fangs and blood drinkage and bat form are rad too I love everything about it please let me be one#please oh please oh please I'm on my hands and knees#make me a vampirrreee#what do you want let's make a deal#so long as I'm still young (30 or under I'd say) when I turn and get to keep that appearance forever I'll do basically anything
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UGGGGHHHHHHHHH
#ash rambles π#skunk time π¦¨#it's like theyre adding every single possible character from fates into feh EXCEPT for s.hura#theres some characters i'm actually excited about like c.andace#BUT SERIOUSLY?!#WE'RE GETTING ALL THOSE LOSERS FROM FATES AND NOT S.HURA?!?!?!?#I'm not trying to be a hater here#and good for you if you're excited about the fates banner#but i want my man!!! its been 7 years since this stupid fucking mobile game came out#7 YEARS.. AND NOT ONE ALT OF MY MAN...#I NEED HIM.. SOBS... PLEASE... INTSYS PLEASE I'M ON MY HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'LL BEG I'LL DO ANYTHING#JUST GIVE ME MY SKUNK MAN...
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I apologize that this isn't a question/request but I just found your blog and would like you to know that I fell to the floor WHEEZING at "mmm big sparkly mothman"
I will never recover and I am ok with thatπππ«‘π³π©·
*nods* good. excellent. i love making people laugh :)
#chit chat#not brainrot#nah but for real this made me smile#my blog header is what it is because i couldn't think of anything else#so i just typed my feelings and went 'yeah good enough'#so i'm very glad they made you laugh#i love it when people laugh#mmm. big sparkly mothman.#also sorry comrades i'm too tired tonight#turns out that hiking one day and then doing a rocky beach walk the next really takes a number on you#my knee..... my KNEEEEEE......#anyways uh send brainrot if you want to i'll be back tomorrowwwww#good evening :)
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Daily Log 3
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Not too much, stomach kind of upset today and my chest muscle aches/shoulders/etc. are still too irritated for like typing a lot or anything.. grr... At least it was less hot than yesterday, still not feeling great symptoms wise though.
Worked on painting the tapestry thing and getting more of the basic design down. Still don't have the Avirrekava text fully translated.
Recorded another sims episode for the let's play series on my games/side youtube channel because I just realized that I definitely won't be able to in the summer since it gets so hot in my apartment that my computer runs hotter too and I can't even play games lol, so I should get a few recordings out of the way as a backlog before it gets warm. I'm always so caught in the bliss of winter (favorite season, best season, ultimate season) that summer kind of sneaks up on me and I have a moment of realization like "OH gOds I only have like one month to get a bunch of things done that are way harder for me to do in the heat!!'' , and then scramble lol..
Wrote down a script for calling a few doctors.
Thought more about the religions and other cultural systems that exist in certain elven cities in the south, where the story I mentioned in the first Daily Log takes place. Drew the basic sketch of an outfit for one of their primary religious figures (kind of like priest robes?).
Put together a load of clothes but didn't actually wash them because by that point I didn't feel good, but at least I have them out for tomorrow lol.. hashtag ultimate productivity win
Notable sights: Found 19 four leaf clovers and 1 six leaf clover that's actually kind of a double clover? Like there's a clear spot on the stem where it's two 3 leaf clovers not entirely all the way merged. Saw 4 cats in windows, one cat actually outside roaming, and a rabbit in a tennis field. There was also a pile of rocks outside that was very nice, resisted the urge to pick one up and take it home for my rock collection. Watching a show about tudor monastery farms and there was a sheep on there that looked round and funny.
Goals moving forward: Same as yesterday basically lol.. especially post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story >:T.. for the second day in a row, nothing has changed lol..).
Notable foods: Not much of interest, but had salmon, my favorite fish. Also had a chia seed fruit snack sort of thing which was in a squeezy pouch, and I love anything in that sort of packaging so, very fun.
Really craving spicy udon, chicken wings for some reason (which I don't even like that much), and something like lasagna?? I'm probably vitamin deficient again from my weird diet and it's making me yearn for hearty savory foods.. evil... chronic anemia cravings lol..
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#It's clover finding season apparently#so many good patches of clovers with lots of mutuation in them. Most of the 19 I found today were right next to each other spread among jus#t a few groupings of clovers. I think it runs genetically or something - so if you find one you're much more likely to find another#somewhere closeby. Or at least this is what I have found as someone who has like 150+ special clovers collected#I also really need to bleach my hair again before the summer but that's such a process...#I'll probably have to bleach it two more times to even get it light enough to dye it so. It's just like.. I wish I could have it done#all at once. I think anything that has to be done over multiple days makes me able to put it off more in my mind.#Actually just so so so so many things to do and it always feels like no time to do them..... AUghhhhhGG *collapses to my knees#in the rain like a dramatic character in a movie. wisps of rain soaked hair cloaking my face as my fancy velvet cape billows#in the stormwinds behind me. after a few moments you realize I'm also eating a little square of cheese whilst I sob#but am trying to hide it behind the hair that is flopped in my face and fumbling bc my evil vampire claws are too long*#ANYWAY#daily log
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Tag dump part ii, muses (both the ones I've launched and the ones without bios)
#π tags. | tag dump.#π muse. | run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady. ( bellatrix )#π muse. | i'm made of stone i won't break. ( stella )#π muse. | if i really wanted to baby i could ruin you ( sariel )#π muse. | i'm a real queen i can make grown men cry ( lyra )#π muse. | i can't hear you i won't fear you. ( kaia )#π muse. | once upon a time i swore i had a heart. ( embla )#π muse. | you said i'm too much to handle. ( erica )#π muse. | i can get them pulling out their fragile teeth. ( wednesday )#π muse. | all your perfectly delivered lines. ( meya )#π muse. | i am disruptive i've been corrupted. ( hamlet )#π muse. | your mind is playing tricks on you my dear. ( esme )#π muse. | her kiss burns like whiskey her touch trails fire. ( charlie )#π muse. | you'd fall apart cause i'm too expensive. ( rigel )#π muse. | grace is just weakness or so i've been told. ( caspian )#π muse. | i learned it from my mother how to complicate manipulate. ( lily )#π muse. | looking at my history i'm bad at love. ( maeve )#π muse. | i've got loyalty in blood i'll do anything for love. ( paisley )#π muse. | it ain't easy to survive up in these city streets. ( maya )#π muse. | on your knees I got you begging. ( lillith )#π muse. | you should thank your lucky stars I don't like taking it too far. ( dotty )#π muse. | if i really wanted to baby i could ruin you. ( sariel )#π muse. | it's like staring at a burning sun. ( ayanna )#π muse. | i'm a real queen i can make grown men cry. ( lyra )#π muse. | i scream too loud if i speak my mind. ( jessica )
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So I dropped out of that one class that pissed me the fuck off at the absolute worst minute (like for real, I did it about an hour ago and there's currently 5 hours left to do it without having to pay for the thing) and then registered for another class so I will still be a full time student and get my full loans and scholarships BUT I am not sure if it actually registered me to the new class and it's too late to call someone for help and I don't know what will happen to said loans and scholarships if that didn't worked, your girl is freaking the fuck out
#like i can see the new class on my student online page but i can't access it on the actual college intranet#so i'm currently praying on my bended knees that it just take a while to appear online#because otherwise it's gonna be some hardcore bullshit#all of that could have been avoided if that goddamn class had not been so fully and entirely trash and yeah i'm bitter as fuck about that#we'll see if anything changed tomorrow and if not i'll start making panicked phone calls and trying to rectify the whole mess#in the meantime I'm gonna try to have a nice evening because i litterally can't do shit about it tonight
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I need to come out
#Free will is scary#I could change my life at any time#I could leave and never come back right now#I could go into my fathers room and wake him and tell him I'm a boy and he wouldn't belive me but I wouldn't have to hide anymore#Rowan wants to do things#Maybe I should wait until before Christmas#But I am so tired of waiting#i can't do this anymore#I don't know if I should get on my knees and beg god to make me anything other than this or if I should just sit around waiting like I've-#-been doing my entire life#If my mom comes back drunk or with the guy she's cheating with I'll tell her I think#That way I can leave#god save me
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Why would my friend message me asking if I want to go for a walk and then when I answer immediately in the affirmative, drop off the face of the earth
#some of us have got shit to do!!! like are we going or not#like i'll be honest i don't really care if we go or not. i just want to know if she'll appear at my window and scare the crap out of me#while i'm playing the sims#we've reached this point in our friendship where we don't knock on doors or send an arrival text anymore#if one of us arrives at the other's house and it's daylight hours (so the drapes are open) we instead stand there and stare creepily#in the window until the other person notices. one time i startled her so much she threw a pillow across the room#her kid almost peed from laughter. it was great#i'll be honest i'd probably rather walk than not because i've only done about 3000 steps today#and i think most of those were not actual steps. they were me doing shit like cooking and wrapping up packages and my fitbit#registering them as steps#also i need to find out how far i can realistically walk because i booked a train ticket to go to pride and it's a very long march#sidenote i'm nervous about pride. i know it's completely normal to go by myself#but i still worry like what if my knee gives out? what if i'm too nervous to do anything? etc#i feel like just using the train ticket to go shopping in the city but realistically the city will be busy as fuck BECAUSE of pride#so that also doesn't seem like a useful course of action. :(#personal
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