#I'll delete this post later
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#feeling like deleting lol#tumblr. ao3. ffnet. fanfics. everything lol#i guess 2024 ain't gonna be my year to get back into fandom after all :')#ah well...#I'll delete this post later
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Me when i check ao3 and theres no iterator fics as always onxe agai
#no continuation of the old ones (except for 1 god bless its soul 💋). no new ones. nothing. that interests me#ive read this ive read that#im standing om my knees and hands and looking at the floor#WHY is therw so little content about them ?????????? Why did everyone abandon their works ????#im so desperate#thank god i even read on ao3. ficbook goes to hell for what it has to offer (regarding iterators. specifically ships)#talk.pmp#well at th very least i can always go cry about it on ma tumblr blog 🏄#I'll delete this post later#btw if you ever wrote iterator fic I'm looking at you luke yhis -> 😏 and smiling at yoy so kindly
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Ayooo! Ash here! I am so sorry I haven't posted in a while! I've been VERY busy, but I shall now RESUME creating the comics and asks! Thank you all so much for your patience; I truly appreciate it! ❤️
I also have a lil gift in mind for our new follower landmark! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OVER 100 FOLLOWERS! I'm in shock!
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#im having thoughts of quitting art#idk man i just#i dont feel as motivated even tho i have these good ideas#i just cant pick up the pen#maybe im depressed or maybe im lazy#who knows#i dont even think my art looks that bad#i just cant do it#maybe i should just stop for a while? maybe?#idk#all i know is that i havent been drawing as much and it DOES bum me out#but i also am starting to not care anymore#O(-(#i'll delete this post later#i need sleep
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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GUESS WHO DIDN'T GET THE JOB
ME
BECUASE THE JOB SUCKED BALLS AND THEY WANTED TO PAY ME LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE WORKING OUTSIDE SIX DAYS A WEEK!!!!!!
SO I GOT THE JOB AND SAID NO
I'm on that tgirl egirl grindset
Logically I shouldn't post this because it's incoherent and I'm hyped on caffeine but I have the ability to say words on the internet and I think it's funny to use this power to say that employers SUCK ASS
did you drink water today? If not it's coming
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“... Bucky is always evolving, you know? like the rest of us, I guess.”
#last gifset I'll be posting... today#who knows what tomorrow is gonna bring us huh#anyways#i know how much i say that people shouldn't say that sebas is who he is because of marvel#and that they shouldn't link him always with marvel when talking about projects#but my god i love how much he loves bucky#deleting this later#sebastian stan#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#fysebastianstan#sstanedit#stansclan#bucky barnes#marvel#mcu#marvelcastedit#mcucastedit#mcufam#gbbb
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Everything that promotes LGBT will now be banned: a rainbow without a light blue stripe, all kinds of themed patches, badges on clothes, as well as parades, processions, rallies and themed parties.
For that - up to 12 years in prison.
Hi! What! Literal murder can get you 2 to 8 years in prison. Killing a man gives you less years! Hello! Can anybody fucking hear me!
Updating this post because. WELL. If anyone, ANYONE supports LGBTQIA in here. Even if they're the straightest people ever. THEY FALL UNDER THE SAME CATEGORY. LGBTQIA ALLIES ARE CONSIDERED EXTREMISTS TOO.
Moreover, everyone could get in trouble - even if the person isn't an activist or part of LGBTQ, but speaks out that LGBTQ people must have equal rights with everyone else.
You can get in trouble for a LGBTQ-symbolic repost from 10 years ago - if the policemen can capture it after Supreme Court's decision will take effect.
And another update: this "law" will only be valid after January 10, 2024
The court decision will come into force on January 10 of the following year - unless an appeal is filed.
#lgbtq#lgbtqia#russia#bloblopost#HELLO?????#I'll delete this later because it's not that. fucked up. if you consider that these very people decided that they needed#to wreak havoc on Ukraine#but rn the feelings of anxiety are almost on the same level as they were in the beginning of the war#upd. I'm not deleting the post but I made so many translating mistakes that it's embarrassing#Anyway. thank you to fellas who corrected me.
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Idk what this is and I apologize that it looks kinda shitty 💀
#i didn't know what to do with this so i decided to post it#maybe i'll delete this later#natm#night at the museum#natm fandom#natm fanart#natm jedediah#jedediah#jedediah smith#my art#fanart#art
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Anyone think it's interesting that some fans:
Dick: kills Joker out of anger. (Immediately regretting it and hating himself even after Bruce brought him back).
Some fans: Wow! So cool! He totally is so mad that Bruce brought Joker back! He doesn't regret killing that clown at all! He's was so happy Joker was finally dead! Poor guy.
Jason: calculatedly kills people. (He thinks the people should die and isn't shown to have any regret for most kills).
Some fans: Oh no! Jason experiences pit madness and kills people without even realizing it! He regrets each kill soooo bad!!! Poor guy.
#the one kill I can think of Jay regretting is that one kid's dad.#but it still wasn't pit madness#please let jason have agency#because the fanon concept of pit madness takes away his agency#i mean really write whatever you want.#but I'll still judge it <3#and you can write him regretting his kills without sacrificing his agency#like how he killed the kid's dad and regreted it#and how Dick killed the Joker and regretted it#dc#dc comics#comic books#batfam#batfamily#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#my post#might delete later
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Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.
Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.
Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.
When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.
The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.
And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.
If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.
It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.
It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.
And it's suffocating.
Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.
Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.
Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.
And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.
I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)
Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.
You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.
And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.
#chronic health tag#long post#ableism#thanks for coming to this huge rant I'll probably delete later#also sincerely#thank you to everyone who does send nice messages#you are the majority#it's just that the assholes are louder
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Now that my hero academia is over, I'm just going to say it. The thing about Present Mic and Kurogiri is that every time I see an analysis about how Mic is a bad person for not seeing Oboro in him, or how it's going to be Mic's responsibility to kill him because Aizawa won't be able to or... honestly pretty much any analysis of them is that I can tell. I can tell most of you haven't experienced grief when you were too young. And good for you! I'm glad on your behalf that you haven't! But I can tell you that I have a completely different perspective on Mic and Hizashi and Kurogiri and Oboro because of it.
Because here's the thing. I know what it's like to lose someone you love when you're too young to even properly emotionally process it. I know what it's like to watch someone you love die and not understand why. I know what it's like for someone to accuse you of not caring because you're not showing your grief in the same way. I know what it's like to have to realize that the rest of the world is going to keep turning even though it feels like you've stopped. I know what it's like for somebody to act like their grief is somehow greater than yours. I know what it's like to feel like you have to prioritize somebody else's grief over your own. And I know what it's like for somebody to drag your loved one's memory through the mud.
I never questioned why Hizashi didn't want to talk to Kurogiri. I never questioned why Hizashi was always so much more focused on Shouta's grief than his own. Mic's anger at Kurogiri made sense to me.
And this isn't any sort of character analysis, this isn't me shaming anyone for seeing any character 'wrong', this is just me rambling some thoughts that start rattling around any time I start thinking about Hizashi and Oboro for too long. Because Hizashi's grief is very personal to me.
#also i would have written him an ending where he actually got some catharsis#but that's just me#don't mind me#there's a very real chance I'll come back and delete this later#but i really wanted to post this for once so I'm doing it now#present mic#yamada hizashi
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dealing you this like radioactive contraband before I go back to pretending I can't draw
#calla for beauty + obvious reasons / marigold for cruelty and jealousy#and because tumblr has rules I'll just let you know there's another version. And that's it. That's all you get on that#gladiator 2#emperor caracalla#LOOK I. I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES WITH THIS POST#TRYING TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE#I HAVE NONE. THERE IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS INDULGENT.#GUY FUCKS I CAN'T HELP IT#...... I again do not think we have an art tag here. uh.#I'll figure that out later maybe.#I'm playing time so I don't have to hit post on this.#Tumblr if you take this down for the amount of nonbinary-presenting chest I will actually riot#I've never struggled with folds this much I deserve to have this at least stay up until I realise what I've done and delete it#it's been 20 minutes now I'm pretty sure and I still haven't pressed post#I'm just thinking about all the followers who came here for something that DEFINITELY wasn't this#oh well#here goes
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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might delete this later but I've been developing a penrose crew in my head
#delete later ?#art tag#my ocs#pilot's name is veronica and they were on penrose 279 :)#not sure if I want to choose another name for the elster...#im in SHAMBLES over the idea of veronica braiding her wife's hair to make her look unique#I'll try to make a proper post about them once I'm out of this week's uni hell#veronica#elster#signalis#signalis oc
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BROTHERS
The river Weser ran between the Roman and Cheruscan forces. Arminius came to the bank and halted with his fellow chieftains:— "Had the Caesar come?" he inquired. On receiving the reply that he was in presence, he asked to be allowed to speak with his brother. That brother, Flavus by name, was serving in the army, a conspicuous figure both from his loyalty and from the loss of an eye through a wound received some few years before during Tiberius' term of command. Leave was granted, and Stertinius took him down to the river. Walking forward, he was greeted by Arminius; who, dismissing his own escort, demanded that the archers posted along our side of the stream should be also withdrawn. When these had retired, he asked his brother, whence the disfigurement of his face? On being told the place and battle, he inquired what reward he had received. Flavus mentioned his increased pay, the chain, the crown, and other military decorations; Arminius scoffed at the cheap rewards of servitude.
They now began to argue from their opposite points of view. Flavus insisted on "Roman greatness, the power of the Caesar; the heavy penalties for the vanquished; the mercy always waiting for him who submitted himself. Even Arminius' wife and child were not treated as enemies." His brother urged "the sacred call of their country; their ancestral liberty; the gods of their German hearths; and their mother, who prayed, with himself, that he would not choose the title of renegade and traitor to his kindred, to the kindred of his wife, to the whole of his race in fact, before that of their liberator." From this point they drifted, little by little, into recriminations; and not even the intervening river would have prevented a duel, had not Stertinius run up and laid a restraining hand on Flavus, who in the fullness of his anger was calling for his weapons and his horse. On the other side Arminius was visible, shouting threats and challenging to battle: for he kept interjecting much in Latin, as he had seen service in the Roman camp as a captain of native auxiliaries.
Tacitus Annals 2.10-11
there's a lot going on in there! Arminius switching to Latin is a detail that always makes me feel a deep kind of sadness, especially with how it's preceded by mention of their mother. I wonder what she thought of what became of her sons, on opposite sides of everything but still, inescapably, brothers. even when they want to kill each other. there sure are a lot of fucked up and unhappy brothers around. and Arminius asking about Flavus' injury............I also had a whole thing typed out about the horror of imperialism and colonization and the trauma of assimilation but I think this sets the tone better
Rome's Greatest Defeat: Massacre in the Teutoburg Forest, Adrian Murdoch
and also this, just for fun
(ibid)
this post is already a mile long, so lets add another mile to it: a little scene at the start of their conversation! tfw you go in for a hug and your younger brother who also ended up being taller starts roasting your hair style
bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara.app⭐ko-fi
#long post#SO LONG#roman empire tag#tbh im not jazzed about using that tag when rome is not actually the setting here but i do not have a good era tag for this yet#i'll figure it out later eurhghghesuerhgh#komiks tag#arminius & flavus#idk. maybe also#eye trauma cw#anyway it's all very 'he's my brother and i need a shovel to love him' kind of deal#this (wheezing) this is an idea i had LAST YEAR but it was a solo illustration#i had it posted for about ten minutes before i decided it sucked ass and needed to be revisited as a comic#FINALLY. the idea is complete. im free. it's been bothering me to have it unfinished while the original idea was haunting my drafts#as a reminder to get it done. and now i can delete it. au revoir illustration you will not be missed
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