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[no-gender]

Honey they’re inventing unions at DoorDash

[no-gender]

one of my favorite glados gags is she keeps pretending she went places. she's like i went outside today. girl you did not go anywhere.

[no-gender]

Favorite genre of picture, snakes wrapped around bird beaks.

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i was jumanji’d too when i was a kid but no one cared

[no-gender]

hate it when pets learn words, my dog flips out when he hears "greenie" so we had to start saying "G word" but now he knows G word so we have to say shit like "are we out of emerald indulgences"

[no-gender]

My manager was in the break room with me and she said 'I don't ever remember oranges being THIS hard to peel' and I just responded 'they're making them harder to peel' without thinking and she looked and me and said. Why?

[no-gender]

The only retail job I miss is being the cashier at a local Hardware Store in a small town surrounded by other small towns, because I was essentially a high fantasy GuildMaster.

I worked there three summers in a row, and every laborer from every nearby town would come there for whatever supplies they needed, and man could they gossip like there was an Olympic medal for it.

At 8 AM, every morning, every plumber, roofer, electrician, and landscaper in the county was at the door waiting for me to unlock it, and they’d come back throughout the day.

I knew every tradesman in a 30 miles radius, and I knew too much about everyone in town because of, like I said, the tradesman gossip. It’s shocking that people basically tune out an entire person in their living room and say whatever they want, because they don’t see the guy fixing their light fixture as real somehow.

Then your average citizens, the townsfolk, would come in to ask for labor recommendations. The cashier at the local hardware store is a god among yelp reviews.

A woman needs her roof repaired. A man wants central air installed in his 100 year old house. Someone needs to break into a safe they inherited without the combination.

And I would make recommendations. I’d take down names and information so when a plumber I liked walked in an hour later, I could say, “come here, I have a job for you” like I needed them to clear a village of Redcaps.

There is no difference between your local mom-and-pop hardware employee and Greed Karga sending the Mandalorian on bounty hunting jobs.

If Geralt of Rivia walked in, I could have found him something to do.

I believe all plumbers dual-wield drain snakes and arcane magic, because you’d be surprised how often Liches come up in septic tank repairs.

You can belong to a monster hunters’ guild and a welders’ union, if you have the time. Always good to diversify your portfolio.

[no-gender]

im in a crochet facebook group n its just filled to the brim w women who honestly deserve to start killing ppl

[no-gender]

remember lego movie smear frames. remember how beautiful and genius lego movie smear frames were . are you listening to me. they used only real bricks. so it would look like stop motion. they used real bricks to make smear frames for minifigures doing gestures and stuff isnt that crazy. the lego movie smear frames

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give it up for girls with vaginas and boys with penises

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Merry Clickmas!

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[no-gender]

some notable catchphrases of 2013:

bitch I might be

do she got the booty ? she doooooooooo ! 

swiggity swag

the D

wen u mom com home and make hte spagehti

“ hello______, im dad “ 

AYYY LMAO

W R I T I N G  I N T E N S E  W O R D S  L I K E  T H I S 

 perfect _____ don’t exis-

And now, the weather

at least 2 potato

we’ve come full circle ! 

life hack :

[ __________ INTENSIFIES]

so many

such doge. much wow. very smile. 

mahogany 

*sweats nervously*

same. 

spooper hot choclety milk

#SHERLOCKLIVES

[no-gender]

despite what popular opinion may lead you to believe, some rocks actually do have scientifically-proven auras! Unfortunately, those rocks are uranium and the aura is cancer. 

[no-gender]

"The nonbinary afab who goes by she/her, dresses femininely, and uses a push-up bra when I—" when you what? What's wrong with her?

Is she not nonbinary enough for you? Is the way she experiences her queerness and how she presents not perfect enough for you? Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny, right? So why is she the exception? Why does she have to hate herself to appeal to your standards? Why is she any less trans—any less worthy of respect—cause it's "not visible"? Queer solidarity my ass. Don't spout this bullshit on Pride, man.

[no-gender]

okay i'm locking these in early i know what's gonna happen i'm calling it now