no-gender

[no-gender]

Love local coffee shops. your “refugees are welcome here” sign goes really well with the one that says “bathrooms are for paying customers only”

[no-gender]

[no-gender]

why so celibate

-the jerker

[no-gender]

Once again randomly remembered this story about a couple who had a small parrot - pretty sure it was a budgie - who didn't talk but learned to communicate with people in its own way. Once it figured out that people always turn to check their phones when the notification sound comes on, it started making the text message notification sound to request human attention. The parrot also liked to follow people to the door whenever guests were leaving, and would use its wings to pantomime the motions of a person putting their coat on. A very clever, charming bird.

And every once in a while it just randomly hated some people. Not for any real reason, or even reason to suspect bad vibes, but by deciding "fuck this person in particular" for shits and giggles alone. And one time when the owners had invited a new friend to their home, the bird decided that it Did Not Like Her.

So in the middle of polite conversation, the bird - who was free to roam around the apartment at the time - hopped onto the living room coffee table, right in front of the unwanted guest. And in that moment, the owners put two and two together and understood that whatever mischief the bird had decided to do, it was now too late to stop it.

But instead of unleashing the absolute hell that even the tiniest displeased parrot could be capable of, the little budgie made its little "may I have your attention please" cell phone notification sound, and once the guest was focused on the bird, looked at her dead in the eye while doing the putting-my-coat-on wing motion.

The guest did not recognise the pantomime for what it was, but she was nonetheless delighted that the parrot would do a little wing-roll dance for her. And the host couple were at first too stunned and then too polite to tell her how impressive that gesture truly was. Their bird had shown both remarkable restraint and cleverness by using its entire vocabulary of human communication just to say

"I have an important announcement: I think you should leave."

[no-gender]

STOP assigning pre-modern characters the trait “would commit tax fraud” without understanding how hard tax fraud was back in the days when a tax collector would physically come to your estate and assess your sitch. Do you have any idea how easy kids these days have it? You can just claim a few fake deductions or lie on a form and be a tax criminal. Your ancestors and fantasy faves had to work for those pennies.

Look at this house. This house has no mortar so it can be collapsed or moved to avoid taxation. That’s the sort of innovation I need to be seeing before you can call anyone in a feudal society a tax fraudster. They need to be hiding warehouses of goods, shoving grandpa in the basement to dodge the censusman, starting small regional wars, fleeing their villages in a constant semi-nomadic race against the forces of government, registering twins as a single child, or putting their life on the line to sell blackmarket bread. Come back when you have some tax fraud I can respect, not just a guy who looks kind of sleazy and sometimes does paperwork.

[no-gender]

Had the funniest kid on a field trip today who had obviously been on my tour before but wouldn’t fess up to it and instead just pretended to be deducing and intuiting the answer to every question on the spot. I didn’t rat him out because I didn’t want to embarrass him and because I was really impressed with his recall. He’d clearly learned and retained a lot and I was flattered!

[no-gender]

[no-gender]

[no-gender]

Everything is like “QUEER history” and “List of QUEER young adult books” or “Top 10 QUEER movies” and queer this and queer that and for the love of god please just say LGBT.

[no-gender]

saying out loud "wait why am i watching this" and shutting off the crappy youtube video you were just using to kill time is a sign of growth

[no-gender]

ROMEO + JULIET (1996) + IMDb Trivia

[no-gender]

and the funny thing is walter really WAS white

[no-gender]

You know, rivers catching on fire used to be a regular occurrence.

[no-gender]

oh, the physical manfestation of my internalised guilt and self-loathing looks just like me? lol i fucking hate that guy. this is gonna be so easy.

[no-gender]

capitalism is like war in that it is absolutely unconscionable irl but really fun in video games. i'd like to have an auction house system in one of my games one day. i want to bring out the worst in people

[no-gender]

its true that complimenting strangers is fun and nice. people will go "awwww really" when you say their hair is cute. people will go "thanks" and straighten up a little when you compliment the colors they're wearing. people will say "oh yeah i got it at (place)" if you say a charm on their bag is cool. people really do appreciate it and its very whimsy and you can just do this for free

[no-gender]

Reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a Croissant (🥐).