#I'll delete this later i dont like getting so personal but i need to make like paragraph rants about my shitty dad

[punkalope]

Shoutout to my dad who seems absolutely hellbent on making sure I never talk to him again as soon as I can cut him off. christ.

Back when I ended up in the hospital for a minor injury in early may both my parents told me not to worry about the bill and they'd handle it. So I did that. I let them handle it. I did what they asked to set things up and let them handle it, especially because I lost my ability to work at the end of the month.

turns out my dad had no intention of even looking at the bills. he hasnt done anything with them. im so. frustrated. he said "no one told him" (im positive this isnt true).

this isnt asking for help or anything its. fine. my mum and i are sorting it out and i got this. im just so beyond stressed now lol. its not a big bill, my parents are still gonna help now that my mum has scolded him, ill have to pay the rest myself but i dont think its very much im just stressed over the lack of control.

and he keeps doing little things that make me so mad too. not calling me his kid for some reason anymore. accusing me of being "difficult" because im asking questions. not saying goodbye or i love you to me when he leaves for week long trips but very loudly doing so to my brothers in front of me. and then hes constantly putting me in positions where i have to depend on him, because he controls so much of my life, and then throwing me under the bus anyways because he doesnt do it because he cares.

[whitemochacoffee]

To my friends; i'm just really really sorry for everything. I love y'all

[99pansy]

ss/mayo blogspot lore + frerard theory

hi I'm about to drop some insane lore that I don't think a lot of mcr fans/frerard theorists know about. this isn't discussed often so I figured I should write about it here before all the evidence is lost to time.

this is probably gonna be a long one so buckle in! i have gathered as much evidence here as possible but there's no way to be certain about anything. i'm trying to maintain as much journalistic integrity as i can throughout this post (also trying super hard not to insert my opinion too much) because i think a lot of this speaks for itself.

so i have a pretty significant frerard theory but i have to give a lot of backstory and documentation for it to fully make sense. this will not be in chronological order (to best suit the narrative) but i hope it makes sense

many people know about frank's F.T. Willz endeavors which have been proven as him in recent years. however, "ss" or "shitsubou shita" was another blog he had before this which is not widely known

around 2007, there was a major theory in the fandom that gerard and frank were running secret blogspot accounts where they'd post journals, poetry, etc. frank's account was iamthemodernprometheus.blogspot.com and gerard's supposed account was its-mayonaise.blogspot.com. both accounts are still up, though i'm not sure if any posts have since been deleted. this probably sounds crazy so i'll explain everything!

evidence for frank as SS/shitsubou-shita/iamthemodernprometheus

i strongly believe this was frank's personal blog, but you can come to your own conclusions based on this info

frank's supposed original blogspot handle was "shitsubou-shita." once fans realized this was his account, he deleted it pretty much immediately. you can read some fan discussion about the fall out from this in a comment thread here. this comment thread will be linked a few times in this post because most of the screenshots on this post originate from there.

apparently *frank* was posting some very personal thoughts/feelings on this blog that he did not want to be discovered. i'll go over some of the deleted posts in a minute, but first i need to give more a little more context.

at the same time the blog is found, someone comments "your fired" on a recent post. apparently some fans thought the comment looked strangely out of place, and it was one of the last comments left before the account's deletion, on one of the final posts made.

this will be relevant later on, and we'll get into the account's posts soon.

my theory is that someone on the "inside" could have found his personal blog and tried spooking him, which could have been the final straw for him. or, the account being deleted could be completely unrelated to the weird comment. all of this can be found here (same link i posted previously)

months after deleting their blog, shitsubou shita begins posting under a new url "iamthemodernprometheus" (but still under the pen name "shitsubou shita" or "ss" as fans called him)

in his new blog, and similarly to F.T. Willz years later, he still leaves plenty of crumbs for fans to figure out it's him. screenshot sources are below

latin heading: his page had a latin heading that when translated, reads "keep the faith"

bio on blogspot: "industry - chemicals", and "you dont stop playing cos you get old…you get old cos you stop playing" both sound suspiciously personal to frank

his url choice: "the modern prometheus" is the full title of mary shelley's frankenstein. frankenstein is a character that frank has always deeply resonated with due to his namesake, love of horror, and being born on halloween

spelling of wierd: SS and frank both spell "weird" as "wierd"

i think he enjoyed the mystery of having a secret online persona, which eventually led to the creation of F.T. Willz in 2008. it seems like wanted to leave just enough evidence for people to suspect it was him, but not enough to prove it.

here are some snippets of 2007 era discourse about the identity of "ss" and their deleted blog. you can find all of these comments and more context here. this was around the time gerard got married and fans felt like the dynamic on stage was different, and they were concerned about the future of the band. it's a LOT to go over so i would advise reading the comments if you want more perspective

on the next page, an anonymous comment is posted which fans immediately begin to speculate is SS (frank). again, if you click the link you can get way more context than i'm able to provide here.

this insinuates that SS frequented the comments on mayo's blog, which i don't think he would have done without believing/knowing mayo is gerard

there was a lot discussed in this thread including pretty solid evidence that frank/ss wrote the ancient and historic "eliza post"

if you are not aware of the eliza cuts drama, that's a totally different and equally as insane rabbit hole you'll have to research on your own

tldr; she is gerard's mentally unstable ex-fiance who he was engaged to very shortly before lindsey

gerard and eliza got engaged on may 22, 2007 (the last show of the black parade tour) according to this reddit comment.

the "eliza post" went up on june 4, 2007. here is the post in its entirety:

"Hi I felt I had to write to you guys to allay some of your fears regarding the rumours and speculation surrounding Gerard and Eliza and the future of the band. This is the only time I will ever post. I will not be able to respond to your comments or enter into discussion or debate on what I'm about to say. We are aware that this is one of the most popular message boards for MCR fans and we know you guys are the most dedicated and loyal fans in the world. It saddens me to see such division amongst the fans over one woman. If it's any consolation, you guys are not the only ones affected. She is merely tolerated by both band and crew. Believe me, nothing anyone can say will change his mind. She's been the cause of numerous conflicts and while we dont have to like it, we have to accept it, at least for the forseeable future. From day one this woman has had a hidden agenda - her manipulation knows no bounds. Some of you may find this difficult to believe but I assure you I have personally witnessed the two sides of this woman. Her so-called 'good deeds' are nothing more than PR exercises for his benefit. But he does not see what goes on behind closed doors. We have tried to draw his attention to her blatant self-promotion and diva demands. This is a prime example of love being blind. His feelings for her do run very deep. Her feelings for him, however, are questionable at best. Many people believe, including myself, that he is being used as nothing more than a stepping stone. It's disheartening to see someone you care about and have worked with for a very long time change as a person, becoming more detached and causing the group dynamic to change as a result. There have been conflicts and differences of opinions and compromises have had to be made She does not accompany the band on the European legs of the tour. Since being on this current European leg, he seems much happier which suggest she doesnt make him as happy as he thinks. Despite being asked more than once to remain discreet, she blatantly disregards his wish to keep his personal life private by continually fuelling the internet hype. The band has always been about the music and the fans. This will not change. MCR have never endorsed any type of clique as it encourages and promotes the kind of high school mentality that MCR have always fought against. Your continued support is appreciated and rest assured this woman will have no adverse affect on the band and the music. For obvious reasons I am remaining anonymous. Eliza, we know you trawl these message boards and you probably know who I am - but I'd like to see you try and prove it!!!"

it's clear that whoever wrote this had a very strong distaste for eliza and was deeply troubled by the idea of gerard marrying her. based on the language used and style of writing, i strongly believe frank wrote this post. i'll be circling back to this in a minute, because i have a little more to go over.

for more evidence that SS is frank, we can reference this reddit comment made just 9 months ago by someone heavily involved in the blogspot community at the time, kapunua. their username on this post is "ReallyKapu."

if you read through the comment links I provided earlier, you may see their name pop up. they are also mentioned by name on the "iamthemodernprometheus" blog. if you also search "kapunua mcr" on google, you can verify their involvement in the blogspot community at the time.

kapunua is also mentioned in its-mayonaise's post here (no screenshot provided for this one, its just a small mention)

there's also a screenshot of a different comment kapunua made about 9 years ago with similar information. i found the screenshot here.

evidence that "mayo" is gerard

as mentioned in the post above, mayo often used british english syntax in his posts. he also posted about some pretty juicy stuff including a blowjob poem (you can seek that out yourself)

using british english isn't out of the ordinary for gerard. he often used an accent on stage during this time. moreover, he is a writer who has written multiple characters with this type of accent, showing he has a certain appeciation for it. i think his persona for the "mayo" account could been a sort of character he put on to disguise his idenity.

if you decide to view mayo's blog, you'll see each post has nothing but comments from mcr fans exclusively. i find it very interesting that the writer of its-mayonaise never bothered to make a post saying "hey, btw, i'm not gerard" in the 4 years this blog was run for

we have somewhat less definitive evidence that gerard is mayo. however, it is clear that at the very least, they had to have been someone involved with MCR or their crew at the time.

mayo makes a post alluding to their identity here, which you can find in the first screenshot below. this section sounds a lot like something gerard would write:

"I have been asked to reveal myself to you. You all know me. I am whoever you want me to be, I am an artist, a poet, a singer, a motherfucker, and a contradiction, a mouthpiece, a friend, and an enemy, a brother, an informant, a whipping boy, a basket case, a queen, and a criminal...(credit to John Hughes.)"

there are THOUSANDS of comments, many of which speculate the identity of mayo on each of his blogspot posts. you should definitely do your own detective work and see what you think, because there is far too much info to go through here.

a frerard theory

as i previously mentioned, frank had deleted his original blog for shitsubou-shita in late september. however, prior to this, he made and then deleted some particularly turbulent and questionable posts

for context, the frerard fight happened on august 22, 2007, and gerard and lindsey got married on september 3, 2007 (just four months after gerard was engaged to eliza)

gerard and lindsey are married on the last night of the projekt revolution tour.

mcr takes a break for one month after this, where we can probably safely assume that freshly-married gerard and frank did not plan on seeing one another.

i think this was very troubling for frank for many different reasons. gerard had just freed himself of the eliza situation and here he was making the same mistake again. he was on the verge of losing his dearest friend yet again, and i believe that despite his best efforts, he could not get through to gerard.

obviously, gerard and lindsey are still married to this day. however, many fans might be aware of what happened between her and mikey. there's also a lot of other questionable information about lindsey circling the web, but that's a different story for another time.

weeks later, similarly to the eliza situation, shitsubou-shita makes and deletes the following posts on his original blog (this was prior to the creation of iamthemodernprometheus):

Friday, September 21, 2007 Abandon hope, all who enter here... What the fuck happened? Why didn't I see this coming? I made a point to keep out of it this time, but at what cost? I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place, it's a lose/lose situation. I've always been honest with you, shouldn't that work both ways? What's with the double standards? People are starting to notice. I'm not talking about kids, I'm talking about people in their mid 20's and 30's. People with life experience who can see the cracks starting to show. What am I supposed to say? I just dont have the answers. How can I reassure them when I need reassurance myself?

he says "i made a point to keep out of it this time" which seems like a reference to the situation with eliza i mentioned previously. he alludes to the idea that fans are beginning to notice the band's dynamic is not the same anymore. this was specifically around the time when "frerard" moments came to a pretty abrupt end.

he says "i've always been honest with you, shouldn't that work both ways?" which can be interpreted in a few different ways. he may feel deceived due to his best friend's sudden marriage. however, the intensity of the language used in this post shows he probably had some very intense feelings toward the situation.

it seems like the writer was having a considerably difficult time coping with these feelings. a day later, this post is made:

Saturday, September 22, 2007 Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Bullshit. I've always been a smart ass, even as a child, although my mom would prefer to use the term precocious. I've always had trouble keeping my mouth shut, I'm an open book, completely ingenuous - secrecy and circumvention are not my style. But then I've never experienced extreme paranoia. So I'm writing this blog. I know you will never read it, I wouldn't want you to. Not everything is about you. This blog is for ME, a perverse catharsis, I need this right now to preserve the small amount of sanity I have left. A blog fuelled by disappointment, frustration, confusion and dejection. I am not laying the blame at your door. The burden of blame is mine. I didn't speak up soon enough. I didn't want to rock the boat, I've been there before. I didn't want to fight or endure days of being given the silent treatment. Its not fair on the others. Why do you always make everyone feel like they have to take sides? If I had been a better friend, I would have stepped in regardless of the consequences. I acted selfishly because I didn't want to lose you, but ironically, I may have lost you anyway. I meant every word I said at the diner and although I didnt show it, your smirk and glib response hurt me more than you will ever know. I don't know who you are anymore. I cant seem to find the right words. Nothing I say seems to reach you. You are wrong. I DO care. I love you. I refuse to give up on you and I refuse to let you push me away. I am going to fight for our friendship, you aren't the only one with a stubborn streak. We are in this together, for the long haul, I promise. I want my friend back. I miss him.

it seems like whatever the writer is feeling toward the subject of this post goes beyond the boundaries of a typical friendship. the final paragraph says everything we need to know.

we can assume that based on this post's mention of meeting a diner, that frank and gerard likely met up during their month-long break to talk about the way things went down

lastly, i know there's at least one interview floating or blog post around where frank says he was a difficult teen and a pain in the ass as a kid, but i can't find it right now. if anyone has the link to that i would love to add it here, because i remember it sounding pretty similar to that first paragraph.

Sunday, September 23, 2007 Is the pen really mightier than the sword? And so you continue to blog, as do I. The difference is, I am not hurting anyone. I'm just trying to gain some perspective while you are publicly making a fool of yourself. Your words are hungrily devoured and dissected by the masses, you seem to revel in the chaos and controversy. At the moment your identity is pure speculation, but have you thought about the consequences if anyone was able to prove your identity? Not just for you, but for all of us? Have you lost your mind? How can you be so selfish? You have become a self obsessed megalomaniac. I know what I get out of writing my blogs - but what do you get out of writing yours? Do you even bother to read the comments? Some of those comments break my heart. These aren't just nameless, faceless strangers, these are real people with real lives and real feelings. These are the people that allowed us to bring our music into their lives. These are the people that we see on tour, the people that wait outside for hours in the cold and rain just to meet us, the people that write us letters and make us scrapbooks, the people who care enough to bake us cookies and brownies, the people that send us birthday cards and bizarre, crazy ass gifts, the people that have given us their love and support, the people that cheer us on, the people that made us. Why are you so hellbent on destroying not only yourself, but everyone who loves you? You wanna see how far down I can sink? Your mom called last night - and I lied to her. After everything she has done for us, I lied to her. How do you think that made me feel? Do you even care?

this last post, for me, solidifies the identities behind each blog. it is so clear through the details in this post. to me, it seems like frank was hurting so bad, and in such a vulnerable place, that he completely let his guard down and made this post.

the mcr lyric included "You wanna see how far down I can sink?" is undoubtedly mind-boggling and speaks volumes to how carelessly obvious frank was (maybe intentionally?) willing to be

there's so much to unpack in this post and i honestly can't even begin to wrap my head around it. i would love to hear anyone's opinion!

later in the post, it seems clear that he is referencing the iam-mayonaise blog and gerard's seemingly wreckless posting. but mostly, i think he was lashing out due to pain of betrayal after losing the closest person to him and someone he deeply loves not once, but twice.

again, it's hard to believe how obvious he was being here, but i really think it was a result of the pain/suffering he felt

if you scroll back up to the first screenshot of this post, you can circle back around to when he removed his entire profile after making this final post, eventually rebranding to "iamthemodernprometheus"

the its-mayonaise account makes this post on september 30, seemingly as a response. the title could apply to frank, who as we all know, was gerard's best friend and right-hand man. the rest of this post can be interpreted in many different ways, so you can make whatever you want out of it:

however, the last paragraph does give me pause... i would love to see/create a full analysis of this post, but i'm trying to stick to facts here so you can form your own judgement

after gerard's wedding and mcr's month long break, they play two shows in mexico (oct 4 & 7, 2007) and then the hoboken show takes place, where frank yells "lie to me" during i'm not okay and seems very low energy and unlike himself

i believe things gradually improved between them after this point, but i'm not sure if their connection was ever completely the same.

conclusion/my opinion

coupled with all of the other available evidence about gerard/frank's tumultuous friendship/relationship/situationship, i think this information strongly alludes to the idea that at the very least, frank had some very intense feelings for gerard that were not fully reciprocated. i would love to hear what anyone else's opinion is on this topic, because it definitely isn't discussed often

i think it's completely heartbreaking (especially with everything else we know) but i do think their incredible connection is a massive contributing factor to mcr's legacy

if you notice any inconsistencies in this post or have any questions, please send me a message! i want to keep this as consistent, comprehensible, and well-sourced as i can!

lastly please follow me if you liked this! i spent months researching and compiling sources for this post and i would so appreciate it <3

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: dating ace edition

— male reader <3 i love ace so much sorry it took so long to finish this pooks

— im a firm believer that ace definitely types hehehehe and actually does giggle in real life. he's such a giggler.

liked by [l/n].ace, freeluffy, and 17k others

portgas.[name]: best part about dating ace?? his person(a)lity(rms) ❤️

tagged: [l/n].ace

[l/n].ace: damn id smash this fine mffff

-> portgas.[name]: im deleting this post u fucking narcissist

freeluffy: i still win our arm wrestles tho 🥱

roro.zoro: does [name] know he mispelt personality?

-> portgas.[name]: its something called a pun, zoro.

-> roro.zoro: well the delivery sucked i thought ur brain had an aneurysm

revo.sabo: BARRRFFFF this egotistical maniac didnt need this stroke to his ego [name]

-> portgas.[name]: trust me im regretting even dating ur silly ass brother rn

-> [l/n].ace: r u guys talking about me 🥺🥺🥺🥺

liked by portgas.[name], m4rco.polo, and 19k others

[l/n].ace: pov ur on a date with me and watching me try not to vomit all the sushi i shoved into my mouth all over the table

tagged: portgas.[name]

portgas.[name]: why r u on dates w other ppl???

-> [l/n].ace: ITS A JOKE BABY PLS

-> portgas.[name]: mhm

m4rco.polo: damn this shit sounds disgusting id never go on a date w u again if i saw this tbh

[liked by portgas.[name], eee.izo, yammyato, and 100 others]

yamayamato: r u cheating on [name] ace?

-> [l/n].ace: IT WAS A JOKE ITS AN INTERNET SAYING PLEASE

-> yamayamato: yeah well i dont think its very funny :// u should be loyal in a relationship

-> portgas.[name]: yamato <333 u were always my favorite boy ugh i love u sm 🥰

liked by portgas.[name], yamayamato, and 21k others

[l/n].ace: weekly me post bc i love me! (and my mans) 🤓😕

tagged: portgas.[name]

portgas.[name]: yeah im in there guys!!!

-> [l/n].ace: i love u hehehe u make me blush hehehehe

portgas.[name]: are u free tn? i'll take u out and treat u right ughhh

-> [l/n].ace: i got a date with my bf later tn, sorry not sorry !!!

revo.sabo: i need to mute you because i can't be seeing this shit when im in public

-> [l/n].ace: dont be ashamed that your brother is so hot wtf

revo.sabo: with all due respect, im already ashamed that hes my brother in general soooo

[liked by portgas.[name], eee.izo, and 200 others]

yamayamato: my arms are still bigger. get on my level ace HAHAHA

-> portgas.[name]: proof?

-> [l/n].ace: this is literally cheating, you're cheating on me right now. can you please stop cheating on me with yamato?

liked by [l/n].ace, portgas.[name], and 15k others

m4rco.polo: god forbid these two do anything by themselves

tagged: [l/n].ace and portgas.[name]

[l/n].ace: ur just jealous ur not in love like we are

-> portgas.[name]: agreed bc how r u gonna be like 40 and still not get any play

-> m4rco.polo: 40?????

dni_nami: i loveee them (whenever they come over they ruin the entire house and im this close to murdering them both)

-> portgas.[name]: but nami 🥺🥺🥺

-> dni_nami: no.

eee.izo: its like ace is trying to become one with him or smth, so unsettling

-> [l/n].ace: weren't you the one preaching about young love a week ago?

-> eee.izo: and now im telling u to GROW UP ace, he's not going anywhere if u let go of him for two seconds

[liked by m4rco.polo, revo.sabo, and 90 others]

liked by portgas.[name], freeluffy, revo.sabo, and 22k others

[l/n].ace: i love my snookums baby boy handsome pretty king to the moon and to saturn <3

tagged: portgas.[name]

portgas.[name]: ... i guess i love you too.

-> [l/n].ace: be more confident when u say it baby cakes

-> m4rco.polo: oh my god [name] break up with this fool already what the fuck is this

freeluffy: whats a snookums?

-> roro.zoro: don't ask luffy, you wouldn't want to know.

revo.sabo: awww what a cute post, if only ace were normal <3

[liked by eee.izo, m4rco.polo, and 100 others]

-> [l/n].ace: ????

-> portgas.[name]: im so glad we can agree on this sabo !!!

liked by eee.izo, [l/n].ace, revo.sabo, and 22k others

portgas.[name]: rare sighting of a photo of ace with his shirt on, everyone celebrate in the comments !!!

tagged: [l/n].ace

portgas.[name]: dont get me wrong hes sexy both ways but im not trying to see his nipples every where i go

-> [l/n].ace: but babe you said u liked my titties 🥺🥺🥺

-> portgas.[name]: can you not do this rn.

revo.sabo: yayyy finally he stopped being a WHORE

-> portgas.[name]: at least he can be my whore, but still i agree

-> [l/n].ace: you're the most confusing man i know

-> [l/n].ace: i love u sm hehehehe

-> revo.sabo: the way ik his ass is blushing so hard rn and kicking his feet in the air

eee.izo: thank god for that, i was getting tired of seeing him shirtles sin every single post

m4rco.polo: finally !!!

portgas.[name]'s story:

i love him A LOOOTTTTTTTT even though he's a lil freak

[l/n].ace replied to your story: when he posts you 😍😍 i love u too bby (even tho u literally cheat on me to my face with yamato but its wtv bc i love u enough to ignore it ❤️)

[captainzigo]

Hi everypony!

My kofi is ko-fi.com/captainzigo if you enjoy my art, consider leaving me a tip! this is otherwise entirely a labor of love so,,,

you can also send a request with your tip! but if you choose to do so, please read the disclaimer later on in this post**

my non-art blog, where i accept asks is @snapewife-divorce-lawyer and my reblog-spam blog is @3amgaypotion also i am on bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/captainzigo.bsky.social

that's a bunch of pictures of my oc(/ponysona) Prickly Pear. she's a cowgirl

Frequent/noteworthy questions below the break

**on donations made to me:

i still dont take commissions currently, but if you send a request with a donation, there's a 99% chance i'll do it. and that remaining 1% i'll probably just ask you for a different request. if you send me a request with a donation you are not sending me a commision. you are making a donation, and i might do you a favor as a result. you do not own the resulting art. and I am under no obligation to complete it or to do it in the way that you like. you do not need to make a donation in order to make a request. i talk more about it here

hello mutuals!

If you are a mutual, DM me for an invite to discord server and subsequently to minecraft server

on sending me asks:

any asks you send me should be like Strongbad emails. one paragraph. no attachments. unless you are sending me refs.

in any interactions, please keep in mind that i am a stranger on the internet and act accordingly.

unless I have explicitly said otherwise, you can safely assume that I do not count you amongst my friends. it is nothing personal, it is in fact the opposite.

why am i like this?

i am autistic. i say this because representation matters, but also because i would like to ask that you please be very frank with me. i don't even really need your patience. just say what you mean and we will get along fine.

can you draw my ocs?

you most certainly can draw any of my ocs. i'd love that acually. tag me

on (re)posting my art:

do not post my art on other platforms. do not repost my art period. I don't really exist on other platforms since i deleted Twitter. So if you see my stuff on other platforms, it's not me. except for my bluesky.

transformative works are obviously allowed, at least here in america where i live. but if you want my blessing, please keep them SFW, and try to keep the spirit of the original artwork

is my blog SFW?

im in my twenties. i keep my blog SFW (as i define it) as a strict rule.

i do not consider the fact that sex exists, that some people enjoy it, or some innuendo to be NSFW. i also do not consider swearing, even as tho a sailor might, to be NSFW.

are NSFW interactions ok?

in short: no. while i have no aversion to to that sort of thing, and often actually enjoy it, i keep this blog SFW. the intention behind my art is to be SFW even when it might be skirting the line. in general, and especially, specifically with mlp, i do not wish to have NSFW interactions on the internet. please respect this boundary.

on shipping:

in my opinion, all romance real or fictional should be between people who are similar in age, doing age appropriate things, not closely related, and all with mutual consent. i am not interested in witnessing or interacting with anything outside of these parameters.

on my blue hair and pronouns:

i am a trans woman. i am also bisexual. i am also poly and demi since im listing things. i am out online becasue i know how important it is to know that you aren't alone.

do i take constructive criticism?

NO 🖕👹🖕 FUCK YOU!!!!!!! GET BLOCKED IDIOT!! unless you are a marginalized person who feels i have unintentionally made you uncomfortable somehow with my art or otherwise. in that case i am sorry and you do me a great favor by calling me out. OTHERWISE FUCK YOU DUMBASS IF YOU DONT LIKE MY ART GO DRAW YOUR OWN 🖕🖕🖕🖕

“i hate bronies”…

i don't necessarily hate you if you self identify with that label. i like to make myself off-putting to keep creeps away. i talk about it more in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/captainzigo/744131513208176640/when-i-say-i-hate-bronies-in-my-header-its

brony?

i don't hold a lot of nostalgia for old brony stuff. infact it's quite the opposite. i was a child when the show came out, and more than that i was a girl. i am not a brony.

do i like g5?

i like all generations of mip including the new stuff. gen 4 is just the one i grew up with

why is my header aurora, bori and alice from the best gift ever?

well that would be because i hate them like a mother hates a child. like the sun hates the moon. like sickly victorian child hates the slightest morsel of bread.

on flurryheart:

i often draw stuff about cozy glow x flurry heart. this is with the understanding that cozy glow spends about a decade turned to stone. nullifying the age gap.

🤓☝️ i think you mean effect, not affect

i am dyslexic. i spell stuff wrong all the time and i type weird. please don't bother correcting me. wooptydoo your brain is wired normally. sending you a medal.

on my username:

i've had the same username since i debuted on the internet. zigo is the name of an oc i made that i dont really talk much about anymore. zigo is a fine enough nickname, and at least one person calls me that irl.

[yawn-junn]

hii can i request prompt 1 for riize's wonbin and prompt 19 for eunseok?

☆Comfort - Eunseok☆

☆special thanks to: anon, Riize, eunseok

☆Note: hello sorry you had to wait so long for this but I hope you enjoy and, remember you are beautiful dont let others get to your head if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or some comfort you can always DM me and I'll comfort you remember you are worth everything if someone tells you other wise you tell me and I'll kick there ass for you

☆TW: insecure reader : mentions of being bullied : mentions of name calling : mentions of beauty standards : body shaming : mentions of body weight : mentions of hate comments : reading hate comments :

☆Words: 686

☆taglist: @eumppappasgrippers @mxlly143

☆Prompt: I swear your like a god(dess) walking this earth

8-30-23 - 9-27/28-23

You were often told how you never fit the beauty standard, from being either called too skinny or, too fat.  Eunseok never thought that of you, to him you were a god(ess) the most beautiful human he's ever seen but his comments were constantly overshadowed by other people

There mean comments made you take down your photos and almost delete your account. Eunseok noticed how distant you've gotten and how you'd jump or yelp when he touched certain parts of your body, he didn't say anything afraid of overstepping or blowing something out of proportion, that was until today Eunseok had caught you reading hate comments while tears build up in your eyes

"Oh...sweetie.." He said barley above a whisper his voice making you jump and spin around "where you-" you tried to ask only to be cut off with a small nod "you know it's not true, right?" Eunseok said taking your hands in his causing you to drop the phone "but..." You tried to speak but Eunseok once again cut you off "shhh don't say anything" he said "your beyond beautiful" he continued pulling you into his chest

"one of a kind beautiful, other people are blind if they can't see just how amazing you are inside and out" he comforted while softly rubbing your back, his words caused the building tears to fall his sweater now had two deep wet spots on the shoulder, not that Eunseok minded

"Your like a god(ess) walking this earth" he said pulling your face out of his shoulder "other people are beyond stupid honey....look at me" he continued pulling your eyes back on to him, Eunseok went quiet for a moment before speaking "don't think I'm lying to you...I would never lie to you, your truly the most beautiful person I've ever seen" Eunseok said as his eyes trailed down to your lips

"Eunseok-" you tried to speak but once again he cut you off not by words this time but with his lips meeting yours. He touched you like you were a fragile peace of art work, like as if you weren't handled with care you could break at any moment, the kiss was filled with so much emotion between the two of you

After what felt like an eternity the two of you pulled away "I don't deserve you" Eunseok said trailing his hand to your hair "your so perfect it's a shame you can't see the same" he continued "....thank you" you said quietly "don't thank me, I'm just helping you see the truth" he said petting your hair

"I'll tell you what" he commented as he stood up "let me call my company real quick" he said grabbing the phone off the floor before walking out the room, a minute or two later he came back with a small smile "can you clear your schedule for a few weeks?" He asked

You answered by nodding your head "perfect, pack warm clothes" he said before going back on the phone, you looked up at him confused "were going on a get away but we're leaving the phone and electronics here" he explained "Eunseok.." you said getting up to hug him "I love you so much, if anything I don't deserve you, your amazing" you praised digging your face in his neck

Your words caused a string of giggles to leave Eunseok "nono this is to prove your amazing a god(ess) one of a kind irreplaceable" he said wrapping his arms around your waist. Until the day of the trip Eunseok spent all his free time with you and constantly checking up on you throughout the day. Eunseok is truly one of a kind a once in a life time lover and your soulmate.

[stinkrascal]

hey, do you have some tips for storytelling?😅

hmm well this is a bit vague, is there anything specific you need help with? i will give you some random tips but idk how helpful it will be!

1 when im taking screenshots indoors, if the space is too small to get a good shot i'll delete the walls wherever the camera is positioned so i can get a better angle.

2 using the tool mod to select objects and move or elevate them helps if you have a screenshot that's at the perfect angle but there's an object/sim in the way.

3 mess around with in-game lighting. for instance, if im taking screenshots in a living room, i might turn off all the lights except for a lamp in the corner of the room so the scene looks more dynamic. or if you're taking screenshots in a mall or a grocery store, you might want to turn all the lights on and change the color to a bright cool white to give it that soulless corporate feeling all shopping centers have.

4 consider the movement whenever you're making a scene. even if two characters are just talking, it looks more interesting to watch them move around while they're having a conversation. they don't have to just infodump on the couch... they can go from the couch, to the fireplace, to the kitchen, and then back to the couch. way more interesting to look at that way.

5 i know yall collectively groan whenever i tell you to learn blender... but... like... you should learn blender lmao. you dont have to be a pro by any means, im certainly not! even just the basics like frankenposing and extracting ts4 rigs into blender will help a TON. you can definitely get away with only using poses made by others like it's 100% possible. but having the ability to execute your own ideas makes the process a lot more fun in my opinion. that way you won't find yourself in a situation where you have to rewrite plotpoints bc you can't execute it in-game. and if you become more advanced in blender and learn how to turn deco objects into posing accessories then you open up SOOO many possibilities for your story! seriously i would not be able to tell standstill if i didn't have this skillset lol.

6 i know everyone writes their sim stories differently, but i recommend writing out as much as you can so you have a complete idea of what it is you're trying to say. for me personally i like to keep 3 documents, the "main" document where standstill is written, one where i dump all my brainstorming notes, and one which was created during the rewriting process, where i copy/paste deleted excerpts into, in case i need to reference those scenes later on.

sorry these are pretty vague but i hope this helped even a little 💌

[atztranspm]

San PM 9 : 07/31/23

Deureureureuk

Drrrrrrr

It's me!

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

It's me!!!!!!!

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

No everyone

There was this Häagen-Dazs vending machine

So I thought "it looks so delicious"

I was going to get it and eat it right?

I used my card

The card doesn't work?

To then my bodyguard bought it for me

Heh

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Umai

Umaiii❤️❤️ (I think it means good/tasty in Japanese????)

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

These days

I fell in love with the taste

What is it

It tastes like caramel

It's not in a cup

With snacks

And its ice cream

It delicious

Sararalk it melts away?

For real

Recommend

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Right now I am

Getting ready

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Eu-eo

I'm hungry

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I ate two meals a day

As usual

I need to eat one more

But I'm so sleepy

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

What do you mean then sleep

Are you a T? (MBTI)

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

CuTie preTTy

TT

Jasmine T

Chamomile T

What do you mean no fun

You know what I'm talking about

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I want to play lo-ah (lost ark)

It's been a long time since I played

The Mokoko pirate....!

The concept this time was pirate...!!!?

As a pirate this

I can't leave it alone?

Sometimes (I see)

From time to time

Yeosang is mine

It comes up often

Everyone.

He's mine

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

What about seonghwa hyung?

As for seonghwa hyung, he's yours

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I'm just kidding❤️

Eyy these no such thing as "who is whos"

It's a person

I'm just the best yeodoongie

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Everyone get behind me

I'm 1st in line

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Eat are you all doing

The right answer is

Doing pop messages with me

Again

What are you all doing

Correct

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I bought a backpack recently

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I dont know where it's from

It's just a leather backpack

I'll show it to you later

Where I bought it from

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

It's some think our head stylists found

Iㅋㅋㅋ

"I want a leather backpack"

And they looked for it

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I have high confidence

I've been think of it these days too

It looks like a 007 bag

An angled bag

Thinking of it

You have it but you don't use it?

Is that so

I really don't have much to carry

An eco bag is enough

Or paper bag

You all wanted to take the paper bag (the kq bag he carried)

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

No jung wooyoung ripped itttt

Annoying

Yeah

To our CEO I said

"Father, don't you have a bigger one?"

He went

He said

Ah...there's none...

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I'm just going to get a new one

It's definitely comfortable

I collect all the paper bags

There are so many brands you know

I dont collect them by brand

Just

Gather then as they come to me ㅋㅋㅋ

Your going to put me in it and take me?

ㅇㅅㅇ

It'll burst

I'm not a real cat

Nyong (meow)

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I'm not a dog either

Meong (woof)

Nor a potato

No everyone.

Stop

What about a rabbit

How do I make their sound

Kkang-chong is their sound (jumping)

Jjik is a mouse

Um

They don't make a sound

Let's say they scream silently

I'll look it up later

But in my opinion, how to make a rabbit sound

I dont think it's this or that

I'll look for it

Tyrannosaurus is

Nyaaaaaaang~

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㄴㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Neuyaaaaaaang~

ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I'm going to get going now everyone

Have a good day

Have a good night ❤️

I love you 3000❤️

Close ❤️

5

4

3

2

1

❤️

(I panicked for a little cuz I thought I had deleted it, turns out I had wrote it out on a word document and saved in a folder instead of in my notes app.....I'm really losing my mind 😔)

[coffeeknife]

blog reintroduction

the last time i used this account was when i was still a teenager. didn't feel like deleting and remaking on this handle though so uh. hey, i'm robin. i'm a married butch lesbian in mn. mostly logging back in so i can archive stuff on here where other people can see if they want

stuff i might post abt (under the cut)

managing physical/mental disability (my wife and i both have eds)

being broke and maintaining sanity/quality of life

it stuff. i have a cluster of servers at home running a lot of stuff to automate life. some stuff replaces subscriptions but i also do some budget smarthome stuff to make our living situation a little more accessible. i've also dabbled in backing up my personal healthcare record

more generally, extending the lifespan of (sometimes much older) tech & bending it to your will

some interests, though i tend to stay out of fandoms: trigun, dunmeshi, pokemon, ffxiv, persona series (but i dont touch that fandom with a ten foot pole) and a few others im sure i cant think of rn

also, feel free to send me asks about random tech things. i'll post some of my stuff later, but a quick rundown of my daily stuff

JUST replaced my phone. i only got my head out of the apple brainrot very recently, but my phone is a refurb'd note20 ultra that i intend to use for a very long time

desktop i built on the cheap. i5 (dont buy intel new, theyre zionists), intel arc graphics for video encoding

working on moving from a 2018-ish macbook air that's somehow barely runing to a 2010 thinkpad i salvaged from an ewaste bin. it's running pretty well on arch with a cheap SSD but it needs a new battery and a better display (and a modern wifi card eventually)

my server cluster that i've built over the last 10 years or so:

the manager computer is a 2017 imac i cut open to put more ram in. it was my primary computer until this year

2 raspberry pis that the manager dishes out tasks to. one is hooked up to an 8tb hard drive that it serves to the other 2 computers. the other has a zigbee receiver to handle cheap smarthome devices

3rd raspberry pi dedicated to networking. outside of the cluster, hosts a vpn so i can get into my stuff from anywhere without exposing it to the internet

salvaged two acer EEE laptops that i really want to convert into parts of the cluster bc i'm running out of cpu. they didn't come with power supplies and i have yet to get them to turn on

part of my goal for being active on here is to put some accessible resources on home servers out there. bc imo theyre insanely useful and learning how to do this stuff in general is good in the age of technological walled gardens

ok bye. follow me if you want ig, send me asks abt it stuff and i'll probably have something to say

[naturalbornlosers]

actually. i dont normally get this personal so i might delete this later but geez i need somewhere to put this or i'll go insane.

we lost my grandfather a year ago and Christmas has sucked ass this year. i'm overstimulated and exhausted. my family doesn't even try to connect with me. it's like i dont fucking exist anymore to them except as a problem-solver ("can you help me find xyz?") or a piece of furniture or someone to dictate later plans to or a fucking memory pad ("don't let me forget,") or a problem. we try to eat dinner together and i dont open my mouth a moment in the conversation bc there's no opening for me, there's no topic i can contribute to, no one even tries to include me, and the only time i'm spoken to is to tell me plans we're doing later. i wanna make something with my family and it gets brushed off. i wanna do something, it gets brushed off. i bought us a game to play and we're taking it down when we take my grandmother back home bc no one could be assed to remember to play it even though i made sure it appealed to all of our interests.

my mom made a joke about "oh we're just giving you money because we have no idea what you want haha!" and while yeah, i am grateful for the money, it fucking SUCKS that every time ive talked to her about my interests - about our shared interests and hobbies, too - it sounds like it's gone in one ear and right out the other!! i've shown her in person things i would like to eventually get in the future, all year. and it's like… none of it matters. no one tries. no one tries when it's me, but everyone else gets thoughtful things and i'm even still planning to get more things for my mom and my grandmother. no one tries to engage with my interests. my interests actually get made fun of here and there or outright dismissed ("i'm sure [person] doesn't wanna hear about xyz" is said often when im infodumping) and everything i like is trivial. everything i like is fodder to be mocked by my moms husband and just goes in one ear out the other with my mom and my grandmother has no idea what to do with my interests.

and, fuck, now my family doesnt believe i have endometriosis or pcos bc my ultrasound came back fine even though i explained to them repeatedly that it may not show up on an ultrasound. they dont want me to get a second opinion. they dont think its worth it, trying to find out why im in so much pain i miss class/life events and why im so sick and fatigued every month i cant leave the house sometimes. i just sit around like a decoration. i get teased for being on my phone. i get teased for not eating the same things everyone else does. and to top it all off, my moms husband vaguely threatened me tonight in front of everyone and no one did a fucking thing. no one even acknowledged that he just flat out went "dont do xyz, if you do xyz, there's gonna be a problem" in a very clear manner of 'you are going to be in deep shit'. which is fucking tiresome bc he tried to kick me out three separate times in 2020. once bc my bathroom wasn't tidy enough (just a bit cluttered, but i dont have much counter space, so naturally it was cluttered), once bc he wanted to turn my bedroom into storage and have me move into the attic spare room, and once bc "this is my castle and i am the king and if you don't like it you can leave". this was during a time i had no friends irl, no bank account, couldn't drive, no job, nobody around i could go to… he knew full well he could just toss me out and no one would say a fucking word.

i'm learning how to drive. and then i'll get a job. and then i'll move out. and then i'll put this shit behind me. but i fucking hate being in a room full of my family and feeling like none of them know me. that i'm entirely alone. that i don't fucking exist and everything i am is trivial and doesn't matter. if i make plans, there's a high chance they wont happen or will get changed last minute and then i get mocked for being upset about it like i'm a child who doesn't get how the world works. i'm twenty four. i'm young for sure, but fucking hell, i'm not six.

i just don't wanna be here. i'm gonna keep on keepin' on. but i want things to change for the better and i know they wont until i move out. i just don't believe i will actually, ever, leave this house. ughh. i'll survive but holy shit i'm gonna be screaming the entire time.

[soccerpunching]

(if you haven't already answered this before:) how did you get into Ina11 and made you make this blog for it?

I dont think I've answered this before either (correct me if im wrong though). This goes under the cut like all of my long answers to personal asks...

For some context (this is relevant to my relationship with anime and fandom), I used to be nonverbal for the good 11-12-ish years of my life until I was traumatized out of it so now I'm semiverbal ((with like auditory hallucination, anxiety (general and social), depression, ptsd, etc)). I won't tell anything regarding this experience.

It's not really uncommon for Filipinos my age and older to be into anime because this is everything that the afternoon and morning television have for you. You would know naruto, goku, luffy, etc against your will and I was not immune to that. During that time also cable was really common (and was not paid per fucking channel, that started a few years later though) so I used to watch a lot of anime in Hero TV, Animax Ph, Cartoon Network PH, etc i dont remember the others.

I found inazuma eleven and other anime on one of them and got into it immediately (also because of my trauma) but because some personal things have to happen, I started watching all the anime I got into that time on illegal sites instead.

I was not an internet person and i cant get into chats because of the experience I've mentioned above so even though i like anime and have been reading every fanfiction about my fav shows that time and were even writing some of my own (mostly fairy tail and dbz but all are now deleted or orphaned), I never tried to get into any fandom (I am aware of how fandoms are because i had a personal twitter that i only use for rts that time but i never engaged because they were big fandoms who have... issues)... this was all until the pandemic happened.

After the pandemic, it was like people can understand my experiences suddenly and it made me feel like there are safe spaces now for me to be in so somewhere in 2021 I created a fandom tumblr and twitter account at the same time. Tumblr was overwhelming for me initially so I stayed in twitter (this is during my Encanto phase so my twitter has a small following even right now from that small fandom)... it was a so and so experience but it is my first so it was made better because of that small welcoming fandom...

A bit after that, I got into the naruto and dragon ball fandom which was a big mistake because it made me picked up some toxic feelings and even behaviour that I do not want. I tried learning tumblr more and decided that I'll stay here at the moment. I realized that the dragon ball fandom here actually have nicer people and are more mature and critical while being respectful of others so I enjoyed my tumblr stay!! I made a lot of dragon ball posts that gave me great tumblr mutuals that I still talk to to this day even after my dragon ball brainrot is gone.

Before 2022 ended, I needed a break because of some personal matters. I got into inazuma eleven again during this time after rewatching galaxy (i wanted to be inspired by their alien character designs but it had a different effect). It sparked my love for the series and made me reopen some old concepts and fanfic ideas I had for it before (this includes the vent fic I mentioned once where Kidou was evil, Endou was dead, Gouenji was a pediatrician, and Aki was the leader of a rebellion against kageyama's reign with Fudou by her side). And then, I started writing new ones nonstop for about 4 months (80k words for two different fanfic series btw that are both unfinished).

I started following some inazuma eleven blogs in May this year until I feel like I needed to make posts myself at about the start of June. The fandom had the encanto vibe to me with a cross to how old fandoms feel so it was really nice to be here!! And the rest is history ig?? hehe

Sorry for the really long answer and thanks for the ask!

[transcendence-through-exposure]

Hello and welcome to my page (If anyone does see this) i want to start with an introduction.

let's just say my name is D and with alot of years of battling my own demons, I've finally have an understanding with them to live in balance with myself. i would delete all the posts I shared but after looking at them i realized how depressed i really was growing up. It's a place in my mind i had forgotten about until recently and has been building up for some time now, so I've come here to share.

For some reason it's a trigger to be asked if I'm okay. I can't fully say im happy, but im at a point where i just can't feel emotions like i used to. I tried the whole emotion thing after being numb for so long... And so far it's only caused problems. for example, I've recently opened myself to have new friends ( because I've only ever hung out with the same group of friends since i was a child.)

Lets say i work with music not gonna be too specific but i ended up working with a fundraising group who i will not name and discovered the world of sober bars. I don't wanna say i had a problem with alcohol or drugs but i realized what i had been doing to myself but that's another story i will share, I'm currently 5 years off drugs and 3 years no alcohol or soda (nothing too hardcore) just liked to party when i was younger guess it was a coping mechanism for me and when someone close passed i went down a spiral it was the only thing that kept me numb. I used to love that numb feeling and the flavor of alcohol.. i miss it sometimes but im definitely a better person without it. growing up i was always around alcohol, drugs, and gang members. Back in the day it wasn't entirely safe in my neighborhood but im getting off subject again so i will definitely write about that in a later blog.

Back to what i was talking about long story short i let people into my circle and i guess for some reason i have this tendency to wanna help people when i have nothing to give a quote i always remember is " never pour from an empty cup" and i like to say " im not a cup. I'm the person who guides the water to the cup." Meaning im here to build you up, a way to turn the flow to fill up the cups of others. I don't know if I'll ever have a true happiness. again, it's a trigger and truly makes me cry sometimes even though im usually really good with not feeling anything.

Kinda why i started my career in music. It was a new version of me that i chose in my pursuit of happiness. I can honestly say if it wasn't for music i wouldn't be here right now. it's better than any drug or alcohol and gave the feeling of pure serenity. I want to show people that there's a world that cares for you even when there's no one around. When you need that conversation but dont have anyone to talk to. It's crazy to think that a total stanger can talk through this beautiful art to your soul and be able to heal from it.

I think that's enough for tonight it's about 3AM and started this on the beach (where i usually go to throw all my negative thoughts). I'm tired, ive been more tired than usually recently but i don't let it stop me from getting things done most of the time i dont want to. but i always push myself to get it done. Growing up depressed i learned to cope with it so i really dont feel emotions as hard as I used to

ps. Im not sad or happy im just good enough to get through everyday knowing that we're all destined for greatness, I'm more at peace with myself and understand my feelings. Im self centered, in balance with my thoughts and emotions. hope i can help others whether it be a story, music or personal poetry.

Ok now im done, Thank you so much for reading, hope to see you again peace and love ☯️ .

[ess-presso]

actually fuck tumblr fr cant believe they deleted my ask smh.

fear not im back :)

fic rec for u! it was only a kiss! by remuslives23 (wolfstar, they drink some firewhiskey and accidentally kiss. v cute)

miss taylor: the last great american dynasty, state of grace, & wonderland <3

i'll reanswer ur qs from last time:

ive got no allergies! that i know of at least. im safe for now. i truly fear the day i find out im suddenly allergic to a food i love (can that even happen?? i hope not)

i totally believe in fate, i think everything kinda happens for a reason and everyone meets people for a reason. if its meant to be itll be, and if its not meant to be then its just not meant to be. some things (most things) are out of our control so whats the point in trying to control what happens to us and who we meet. i say we go with the flow (i say this as the most anxious person on the planet who cant handle change or unfamiliarity)

i accidentally messed up a good friendship a few years ago, basically i wasnt there for someone when they needed me (to be fair we were both going thru it so i didnt even realize) but theyre happier now and so am i so all is well.

i wake up bright and early (its almost noon) i gracefully get out of bed (i drag myself out of bed) i make myself a hearty nutritious meal (i make coffee and some toast if its a good day) i get ready for class (i change into sweatpants and brush my teeth) i head to campus (my class is online. i stay in bed for the rest of the day)

fav superhero forever spiderman & daredevil. and thor cause hes a dumbass and funny but PETER PARKER & MATT MURDOCK MY LOVES!!!

id switch lives with someone crazy wealthy like elon musk or jeff bezos so i can drain their bank accounts and donate to people in need and solve world hunger <3 or maybe timothee chalamet cause id love to know what goes on in his mind hes so funny sometimes.

i wish i had written just lovers by zar bc that fic will forever be my favourite thing ever. its just so damn good and to be the author of it would be truly an honour.

i wish i had written maybe the iliad & odyssey cause 1. theyre freaking epic & 2. homer mightve not been a real person so if i was homer i would be an mysterious enigma.

ive never been in love actually, despite being a hopeless romantic. ive liked people but it never got further than that so ig im just waiting for the right person to come along !

im so loud as a drunk. i WILL sing along to anything playing and i WILL dance horribly. im also giggly cause everything becomes hilarious to me. i do sometimes get confrontational too but thats only if i drink white rum, for some reason.

our worst fight can hardly be considered a fight cause its so dumb but she had called me to ask if id be there for her bday party, i said i might not be able to cause i had 4 papers due the weekend of her party and then she got really upset cause she wanted me there and then i got upset cause i wanted to be there really bad but i was overwhelmed with school and exams and we kinda just sobbed at each other for like 10 mins before we hung up. she called me back a few mins later and we both apologized for being stupid and then i told her id get my papers done so i could go which solved our problem. luckily i did get my papers done in time and i made it🎉 i think i wrote almost 10,000 words in the span of 2 days it was torture truly.

prob last time i saw liv which was in january :( damn her for going to a diff city for uni fr. but we walked in circles around this lake for a few hours and chatted shit about the bitchy people we went to high school with & it was lovely.

jegulily i think yes! james has two hands. i havent read any of them yet but if i find a good fic i plan on it. plus i think their dynamic has good potential & i love each of the individual characters so very much so.

10 things i hate about you!!!!!! other favs include: mamma mia, enchanted, 13 going on 30, and princess diaries. tbh i dont watch a lot of romcoms so idek if these technically count as romcoms but whatever i love them so.

IT!!!!!!!!!!!! i was fucking obsessed with that movie in 2017 i made it my entire personality.

qs for u!

piercings vs tattoos?

fav superhero?

fav fic of all time?

what would your animagus form be?

what's your literary archetype? (fun lil quiz, i got ruler )

what are you like while drunk?

is it better to speak or to die?

preferred method of annotating books? (ie. do u add random commentary or do u add insightful analysis)

when listening to music, are u more of a lyrics person or a sound person?

thats all for now! praying tumblr doesnt fuck this one up too🙏

-bee :)

beeeeeeee :))))))

girl u gonna have to forgive me for this but I woke up and Tumblr was like 'u didn't save this draft would u like to restore it' and I was like 'YES MOTHERFUCKER' and it was ur other ask but I will answer these Taylor songs here !!!! and I got a free extra fic rec , so I'll give u 2 in the other ask .

(feeling sorry for ur poor old fingers u soldier)

tay tay -

the last great American dynasty - MARY MACDONALD - that song speaks of love and loss to me and damn it if it isn't Mary macdonald at the end of her life all alone and everything. I mean can u not just see her 'pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea'?

state of grace - JEGULUS - that entire song is basically regulus thinking about their love and how it was so unexpected 'I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same' (also James tearing reg's armour down ????)

wonderland - JILY / DRARRY - now hear me out , I think that the chorus bit where it's all 'didn't they tell us' and everything is a split convo between lily and James where she's all sad and depressed and mad and James is just there for her trying to convince her that it'll all be okay and they're fine. now , dreary , because I think 'didn't you flash your green eyes at me / didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire Cat smile' is such a Draco thing to say about harry. like he would be so so worried and harry would just have this complete confidence that everything would be a-ok.

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

please dont message me if you dont know me i just want to be left alone i just need to get this out so leave me alone

ive spent nearly my whole life knowing that i am annoying and a disliked disappointment and ive spent most of my life wanting to fucking die or kill myself and ive spent most of my life being told these feelings will pass but yknow what? they only pass for awhile. ive spent more of my life suicidal than ive spent regulated and one day im going to fucking kill myself and thats how i'll die if my chronic illnesses dont get me first and im aware of that. and im too much fo a fucking coward to do it right now okay. because i dont want to think about my parents walking into my room and having to fucking deal with that and having to take care of my guinea pigs for me and clean my room. but one day ill be alone and i know it. i know what will happen and ive fucking accepted that.

i am so tired of feeling like this every six months and every two years trying to fucking kill myself and being told it fucking gets better. because yknow what, if all feelings are temporary, so are the good ones. im going to feel like this my whole fucking life. even with medication, and weekly therapy, and doing EVERYTHING RIGHT, i will feel like this periodically my whole fucking life. i will have to deal with this FOREVER. do any of you know how fucking awful that is? to know how much worth i have and how much i could do for the world and also just NOT WANTING to? its not about ego. i know what i am and what im worth and who i'll hurt. it doesn't fucking matter. i love myself and who i am, and it doesn't fucking matter. because it's a fucking disease. i am so tired of people who don't have depression and have never experienced this telling me i just need to do this or that and one day it'll get better. one day it will, for awhile, and then it will get worse again, and ill feel like this until i wait it out or get the fucking courage to actually stop it.

i am tired of not being enough. i am tired of being unemployed because im fucking useless, im tired of being a burden on my parents, im tired of being an annoyance to my friends and everyone around me. im tired of making mistakes. i cant even take care of myself properly. my guinea pigs deserve better, i deserve better, and i ask for help and im promised help and then people bail on me. how many times can one person survive that? i'm 23. how many fucking abandonments am i expected to take? how many fucking stupid traumas can i expect to gain that will be triggered at STUPID fucking moments. i dont want to be traumatized anymore, im fucking sick of it. im sick of everything. im sick of living like this and NO ONE gets it. no one can help me. its not their fault, but it doesn't stop me from being angry. of course they cant help me. we all have our own problems.

anyway, leave me alone if we've never spoken. i'll delete this later. seriously dont message me. im tired right now

Im so tired

[surprisebitch]

sigh.... im so tired.. i always am the shock absorber when my parents have arguments over the little things.. it makes me cry cause i deal with this almost daily i dont know what to do and why i always have to feel responsible for trying to get them to just listen to each other

this has been my life living with them since i was a child.. and im so sad that i dont really have parents who fully love each other. when i try to distance myself so i dont have to deal with their petty quarrels, i feel guilty cause maybe if i was there and i did what the other

asked the other to do then this wouldnt happen. it doesnt help too that my dad loves to be sarcastic and tries to control my mom's voice who is usually excited and my mom just has poor choice of words and like they literally just cant get along. they make up and fight again verbally and it's emotionally abusive and these things are so personal but i just really hate i have to deal with this alone cause my brother doesnt deserve this burden too and

its especially embarrassing when they cant control their emotions in public like they cant just calm down and talk through a solution together. i always have to be a mediator for the little things like i got them a couple's counselor and it didnt work and no one wants to try and find a better one. so i guess i'll just have to deal with it and suck it up and be glad that my parents love their children but what they dont realise their fights are affecting me and my siblings so like *shrug* 😔😭

sigh maybe i need a therapist... i have issues, my family has issues.. too bad i cant afford one right now.. and now i just feel like blaming myself. cause i start to feel maybe if i anticipated this would happen, i wouldve done it myself my dad asks a lot from my mom and my dad is also tired from work but what he doesnt realise my mom works and takes care of the youngest too and like they just cant work together as a team. always have to pass one blame to the other

and the defense mechanism i developed was to isolate myself but when i do, i have to deal with it eventually cause even when just a little trigger happens they just start fighting and im so emotionally drained but i know my mom is even more so and my dad is too but yea i just had to vent. i might delete this later cause its too personal but i also need to tell somebody 😭

[tsunderedoctor]

take all the time you need to with this i dont want to rush you,,,

but i explained my situation on discord and was hoping to get a couple of my f/o reacting to a reader who feels that way? if its too much you can delete this,,, i know those are some troubling thoughts so i wont be hurt

as for who,,,,, could i get my main two boys of sanji and luffy,,,,

and if you could see it maybe doffy but if not then hhhhhhhh cora,,,,

or both if you see that and write that many 😅

I'll do all four since my limit is four, but just a reminder, Doffy isn't the best to go for comfort and I do my best to keep the characters in character, so Doffy is going to be a jerk about stuff 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ Reader is feeling unwanted/ignore Reader is gender neutral!

Babes Below~!

Vinsmoke Sanji

He knows what it’s like to be ignored or unwanted, his own birth was a mistake in the eyes of his father and brothers. However, he also knows that not everyone thinks that about him, and the same could be said for you! 

When you are feeling these emotions, please let the man know so he can help you! He doesn’t mind listening to you vent or talk about your day, since he’s a mixture of an affirmation and physical lover, be prepared for lots of praises and a hand rubbing your back softly or kisses to your head.

If you get really depressed and can’t find motivation to eat/drink/sleep, he will be a bit harder on you. It’s all in good nature, but he wants to make sure you take care of yourself and know how important you are to him. So, if a lecture or a plead will work, he will do it!

Will suggest hot bathes or eating your favorite meal to help you feel better! If it becomes something more serious where an individual tells you negative things, he will talk to that individual about how deeply words can hurt a person.

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy will do his best to understand, however, the brunet has no problems with people not liking him, in actually he probably doesn’t like that person either. So when you have issues where you feel a person doesn’t want you around, he might be a bit confused, but can tell you’re upset.

When he knows you are upset, he will react in a defensive manner, wanting to know who hurt you to the point of crying or feeling depressed. If you don’t tell him or say it’s nothing, he will get quiet, both of you knowing there is more to the story. 

Will leave you alone, mostly to calm his own brain as he reacts first and thinks later. It’s something Robin taught him to do, so he figures he could give it a try. Once he does calm down, he will come back and check on you, asking what he can do to help.

Expect lots of hugs! He likes kissing, but hugs feel more intimate to Luffy, they create a warmth that no other touch can bring out. Will mostly cuddle with you and offer you some of his food, maybe even let you wear his hat while he talks about something cool Shanks did when he was a kid. 

Donquixote Doflamingo 

Doffy is a God (in his eyes-), he was taught at a young age that humans are below him and he deserves to rule them. So who cares if some low-class mortals don’t like him? If they keep talking his subordinate might have some new toys to play with~

Now as for you, if you truthfully came to the blond, tears in your eyes, telling him you feel unwanted and useless, he will probably chuckle and question you. Would someone as great as him really waste his time on something useless? Now you’re just offending him. 

Will suggest you get your head checked, that if you really worry about people’s thoughts on you than maybe you aren’t worth his time. He’s not here for comfort, don’t mistake his interest in you as something sweet like that, you are there for him, that’s all.

Whatever you do to cure your depression, please do not expect him to help, because he will not. I suggest going to Baby 5 or Senior Pink for advice, because all Doffy will give you is another heartbreak.

Donquixote “Cora-san” Rosinante

Cora is a lot better at comfort than his brother (I mean lot’s of people are, but I digress-), so be prepared for affirmations and bear hugs from this man!! He somewhat understands your pain, he’s been rejected by humans due to his bloodline, but he also was accepted and raised by other humans, so he knows not all of them are bad. 

Will listen to what you have to say, will also try to make suggestions and encourage you to talk to these individuals, because sometimes misunderstands happen. If you choose not to, he won’t force you to, but will still remind you every now and then.

Tries to make you laugh by doing something dumb, luckily for him, he’s rather clumsy so that is easy to accomplish! This also might help distract you, as you are now worried about the bump on his head, either way he’s happy you aren’t thinking about negative thoughts anymore!

If you do need more softer love, he will do his best to cuddle with you, however he gets flustered easily, so don’t be surprised to see his face red and him refusing to look at you. He will get there eventually, just not today-

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