#I'll be sure to get at least a few of them done tomorrow after school

[wlntrsldler]

poisoned mercury | close as strangers (post chb)

a/n: okayyyy so i didn't give them an angst ending but i had to give into the angst monster at least once for this series so here's a bonus chapter for poisoned mercury. miscommunication galore. long distance is hard! two dumbasses in love!

song: close as strangers by 5sos

series masterlist | previous | next

"i'll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?" luke whispered, trying not to wake his bandmates up. the tour bus was large enough to house them while they were on the road, but it didn't really give the privacy he hoped for. chris was just across the narrow walkway from him and luke could hear his soft snores through the thin curtain that separated them. 

luke felt his heart hammering in his chest when you didn't reply to him. he could still hear your breaths through the phone and you were just talking to him a second ago, so he knew you were still awake. you both had equally busy lives which meant that your phone calls were getting shorter and shorter each day. luke knew it was because you were booked with school and tournaments for field hockey and he was always exhausted after each meeting now that the band was working on their second album. luke knew all of this, but it didn't stop him from missing you. he was lucky to get a ten-minute call with you nowadays. 

"baby?" he tried again, chewing on his bottom lip. he turned to face the ceiling of his bunk, the light from his phone casting a shadow on his face as he waited for you to say something. anything. "can i call you tomorrow?" 

you sighed, "i don't know, luke. i have a busy day. it's a travel game tomorrow so i don't know if i'll be up late." 

"oh," he cleared his throat, trying to hide his disappointment. he felt a little stupid that there were tears pooling in his eyes. so you can't talk tomorrow, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? except that luke felt like you were pulling away from him. little by little. and he didn't know how to stop it. it wasn't like he could drop everything to show up at your doorstep and fix things with you. if it was up to him, he would do it in a heartbeat, but you'd probably get mad at him for it, for abandoning his responsibilities as the lead singer of the most popular band in the world. not to mention the boys would be livid and mr. d and his mom would be equally furious. 

"sorry, maybe next week?" 

"yeah, sure," he replied, thankful that you weren't on facetime tonight. he didn't want you to see his face. "alright, i'll let you get some rest. go kill it tomorrow. g'night, five star." 

"goodnight," you said, ending the call as soon as the last syllable left your lips. 

luke groaned quietly, tossing his phone on the foot of his bed. he knew long distance was going to be difficult. it's been months since he last saw you, months since he was at camp half blood, sleeping in your bed and waking up to the feeling of your lips peppering kisses on his face. maybe he shouldn't have gotten so attached so fast, but it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter. 

he got out from his bunk, tucking his feet into his slippers and made his way to the living room area of the bus. he sat on the couch, peering out the window to watch the empty roads ahead. they were on their way to nashville to meet with a producer that mr. d recommended. the second album was almost done, but it was missing something and none of them wanted to put out a record that didn't meet their expectations. 

mr. d was already in tennessee waiting for them. he'd flown in from houston a few days ago with luke's mom and the rest of the poisoned mercury team while the boys were in atlanta for a movie premiere. they decided that a road trip was needed to de-stress after the glitz and buzz of the red carpet. it was nice to have some alone time with the boys. in their tour bus, luke felt like they were back in connecticut, just four friends fucking around, writing music, and eating junk food until their stomachs hurt. 

he turned on the tv, switching to some random channel that he wasn't paying attention to. he just needed some noise to drown out his thoughts, but that didn't seem to work. all he could think of was you, his five star, and how much he missed you. luke wondered if you were having second thoughts about this whole thing. maybe he'd been too optimistic about things; maybe you weren't on the same page as he was; maybe you realized that it was too difficult to be with him. 

a shiver ran down his spine as he spiraled into his thoughts. admitting to himself that something was wrong between the two of you left a bitter taste in his mouth because he didn't want to believe it. he saw you as his endgame, like nobody else in the world could compare to you, and to think that you may not feel the same about him... well, it was a difficult pill to swallow.

he wondered if he came on too strong, showed his cards too early, and seemed too clingy and lovestruck before it was deemed appropriate. you'd only been together, officially at least, for four months, most of which were long distance, but luke knew he was a goner for you way before that. 

he silently cursed as the chill of the december air hit his skin. he should've worn a hoodie. he grabbed the small throw blanket draped over the armchair and placed it around his shoulders. he wished he got to see you over thanksgiving break because maybe you two wouldn't be in this rocky situation right now, but your coach ordered you and clarisse to stay on campus over break to sharpen your skills since you missed summer training. luke and chris were less than pleased with the idea, but they knew it was out of their control. 

luke fell asleep on the couch that night after succumbing to the tiredness in his body. the sun was beginning to rise by the time his eyelids fluttered shut. he hoped that he'd wake up to a text from you, but when he woke up to the sound of the bus screeching to a halt in nashville, he realized it was the hope that kills. 

-

“are you guys going to the fall concert?” silena asked, poking her head out of the bathroom. she was part of the planning committee for the unc fall semester concert and she’d been stressing over the logistics of it for weeks. 

“lena, if we even tried to miss it, you’d kill us,” clarisse chuckled, putting on a coat of mascara. “you’ve been talking about this since we got back.” 

the three of you were getting ready in your dorm. you and clarisse were roommates this year, thank gods for athlete privileges, and silena lived in the building next door in a single since she was an ra. how she had the time to be an ra, be a member of the music festival planning committee, and be a full-time student was truly beyond your comprehension. 

“lena, calm down. it’ll be good,” you squeezed her shoulders as you passed by behind her, grabbing your lipgloss from the counter. “and even if it sucks, half the people in the crowd are either drunk or high or both and will probably not remember it.” 

“true,” she snorted, curling the final piece of her hair. she unplugged her hair curler and gave herself one last look in the mirror, “i’ll see you guys there? i gotta go make sure shit didn’t hit the fan.” 

you and clarisse nodded as silena said her goodbyes. you dabbed on some lipgloss, glancing down at your phone every few seconds. clarisse side-eyed you, unable to hide her smile, “you waitin’ for a text?” 

“shut up,” you rolled your eyes at her teasing tone. she didn't really know that your relationship was a little muddy at the moment. you weren’t the best at talking about your feelings and it felt wrong to talk about your relationship drama when clarisse and chris seemed to be going strong. “they’re supposed to land in los angeles ten minutes ago.” 

“their flight probably got delayed, y/n,” she replied, “happens all the time.” 

“no, i know, but just wanna make sure they’re safe, y’know?” 

clarisse crossed her arms over her chest, “they’re safe or he’s safe?” 

you ignored her question, opting to busy yourself with the weather app on your phone to avoid any follow-up questions, “how are you not checking your phone for a text from chris right now?” 

she shrugged, “he always knocks out on long flights so i don’t expect a text until he gets to their hotel.” 

“how are you and chris, by the way? i know we live together and shit, but i feel like we haven’t gotten to talk about it in detail since we’re always so tired from school and practice.” 

“we’re good,” clarisse hummed, “just miss him loads, though. i haven’t seen him since we left camp– what? four, almost five, months ago?” 

you were in the same boat, kind of. you and luke hadn’t seen each other in months and you were getting antsy. they’d been on the road for the past few months, meeting with producers and fulfilling their contractual obligations. they hadn’t been in a set location long enough for you to be able to fly out to see luke, even just for a weekend. 

at first, there were movie dates where you’d order each other food and eat and watch the movie on facetime together. there were weekly phone calls and daily texts, but nothing compares to the real thing. being with luke in person was something that you were craving. camp half blood spoiled you with having him all for yourself and now that you were back in school and he’s out in the world, it was beginning to weigh on you. 

you missed him. a lot. 

you missed kissing him and feeling his lips break out into a smile when you’d mumble something stupid. you missed feeling his arms around you, hugging you from behind while you got ready for the day. you even missed waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of him scribbling random lyrics on pieces of scrap paper he found in your room when he slept over. 

long distance is hard and sure, luke wouldn’t be the type to cheat or do anything to jeopardize your relationship, but it still didn’t stop a knot from forming in your stomach every time a picture of him or the band popped up on your social media with a gorgeous singer, actor, or model that they ran into on the red carpet. what if he realizes one day that he wants someone who lives the same life as him? wild and adventurous, not tied down by school or sports? 

a part of you felt silly for being so insecure about things. it was too early in the relationship to have this conversation, isn’t it? you knew that your avoidance of the topic was starting to affect your relationship with luke, as much as you wished it didn’t, but what if the minute you voice your concerns, he’ll realize that being with you was more than he bargained for? after all, you weren’t the same five star with all the time in her hands, care-free, and relaxed that he met at camp. there was a chance that luke would call it quits on this if you said anything and it felt like too big of a risk to take. 

your phone buzzed on the counter, indicating a text.

from: luke <3 

‘landed and jetlagged. gonna sleep for a few. enjoy the concert babe!’ 

you hearted the message and slipped your phone into your back pocket after sending him a quick goodnight text. the three dots popped up for a second, then in a blink, they disappeared. read at 8:43 pm. 

“you ready?” 

you snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of clarisse’s voice. you nodded and grabbed your small purse before heading out the door. you ran into a group of your teammates who were heading to the amphitheater across campus for the concert. the walk seemed to fly by as they cracked jokes and shared stories about random things. you stayed silent for the most part, only laughing along when it seemed like the right time, but your mind was somewhere else. your mind was in los angeles. 

by the time you got to the venue, you and clarisse separated from the group to enter the vip tent, courtesy of silena. a small crowd was beginning to form in front of the stage, taking up the grassy field. charlie was already at the tent, sipping on an ipa when he saw the two of you. his face broke out into a wide smile, giving you and clarisse a quick hug before leading you to the seats he saved. 

“season’s looking promising for you guys, charlie,” you commented, accepting the high noon he offered. “the team’s looking good out there.” 

“thanks,” he beamed, “don’t think we’re on the level of national champs just yet like you guys, but we’re trying!” 

“you guys are doing great,” clarisse chimed in, “the energy in the stadium is electric this year. makes me love college.” 

“are you telling me the papers and tests aren’t what makes you love college, la rue?” charlie teased. 

she snorted, “oh yeah, because i just love staying up until 1 am writing a paper on greek mythology for classics 101.”

the three of you fell into a comfortable conversation about the class you were all taking. it was a prerequisite class that most athletes choose to take because the professor was flexible with deadlines when it came to athletes. it was helpful especially when a team has to play beyond their season for tournaments or championships. about ten minutes before the opening act got on stage, silena rushed into the tent.

“guys, please you need to come with me. i need your help,” she said frantically. she was nervously tugging on her ‘staff’ badge around her neck, already halfway out of the tent as she waited for the three of you to follow her. “please, it’s an emergency.” 

“woah, lena, what’s going on?” you asked, getting up to comfort her. you followed her through the crowd, grabbing clarisse’s hand to keep her close. 

silena shook her head, continuing her march through the sea of people, “just come with me, i’ll explain when we get backstage.” 

you and clarisse looked at each other, feeling bad for silena. she put in her blood, sweat, and tears into this concert and you knew that she would beat herself up over it if something went wrong. silena always put her all into the projects she’s passionate about, but sometimes things outside of her control happen and unfortunately, she blames herself for it. 

in the whirlwind of ‘excuse me’s’ and ‘sorry’s’, the four of you managed to make your way backstage. it was chaotic. people were running around everywhere making sure everything was set for the opening act. the girl who was opening the concert was waiting by the wings, her guitar strapped across her chest as she took some deep breaths. the crowd wasn’t full yet, but you knew that if you were in that position, you’d still be sweating buckets. going out there on stage to perform for strangers was nerve-racking. you didn’t know how luke did it. you admired that about him. 

“lena, are you gonna tell us what’s going on?” clarisse questioned, picking up the pace of her steps to match silena. 

silena stopped in front of a door, slowly turning to face you and clarisse. suddenly, her stressed facade faded as she twisted the doorknob, “why don’t you see for yourself?” 

if you weren’t so confused about what was going on, you would’ve seen charlie lift his can up to his lips to hide his smile at how proud he was of his girlfriend for her acting skills. when the door opened, your heart stopped. 

luke was here. 

he stood in the middle of the room beside chris with a nervous smile on his face. he was wearing a black leather jacket on top of a white tank top and black pants. his poisoned mercury chain hung from his neck, shining under the overhead lights. his hands were stuffed in his front pockets, shy and timid, as he waited for your reaction. 

clarisse screamed when it hit her that chris was actually here. she ran to him and nearly tackled him to the floor. chris wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and laughed as she giggled into his neck. the two of them shared a heartfelt reunion before rushing out of the room to get some privacy. the sound of the door shutting behind you made you blink.

luke cleared his throat, right hand scratching the back of his neck, “hey, five star.” 

the nickname brought you back to your senses. you ran to him, engulfing him in a tight hug with an ‘umph.’ at first, luke was tense under your touch, unsure if you’d be happy with his surprise, but quickly, he melted into you. he buried his face in the crook of your neck, sighing in content as your familiar scent surrounded him. he felt sparks coursing through his veins as you hugged him tighter and all he could think about was how good it felt to have you in his arms again. his mind was still reeling at your reaction. he didn’t expect you to run to him like this, especially not when it felt like you’d been avoiding his calls over the last few weeks. 

“what are you doing here?” you asked him, pulling away to hold his face in your hands. your eyes twinkled as you raked over his face, still in disbelief that he was actually in front of you. “you’re supposed to be in la.”

luke couldn’t stop the lopsided smile on his face, “well, i lied? we were in nashville recording with your dad and he mentioned that he didn’t schedule a session for us this weekend in case me and chris wanted to take a trip to north carolina, so here we are.” 

you ran your thumbs over his cheekbones, whispering, “here you are.” 

“god, i missed you so much,” he said, voice breaking. “you have no idea how hard it’s been.” 

you gulped, your hold on his face faltering a bit. if luke wasn’t on edge, he wouldn’t have noticed the falter in your step, but he felt the slight hesitation in your actions. your warm touch slowly peeled away from his face and he instantly regretted saying those words. here he goes being clingy again. he removed his hands from your waist, clearing his throat. he sat on the couch, motioning for you to sit beside him. he tried to keep his hands to himself when you left a space between the two of you. 

“i still can’t believe you’re really here,” you said, staring at him. you wanted to lean over and hold him in your arms again, but there was a weird tension in the air that made you feel queasy. “i feel like i’m dreaming right now.” 

“i hope you’re not mad that i’m here,” luke looked down at his lap, flexing his hands. he had to keep his hands busy or else he’d surely reach for yours and he didn’t want to come on too strong. he had to keep his distance. he didn’t want to scare you off any more than he already did. “there was just an opening in the schedule and i-i wanted to see you.” 

“i’m not mad at all.” 

“good, good,” he replied. silence. he forced himself to look up from his lap, twisting his body to face you. he bit his bottom lip, trying to build up the courage to ask his next question. “are we okay?” 

“we’re okay.” 

“okay because i feel like things have been different between us lately,” he pursed his lips, looking at you with sad eyes. his tongue poked out the corner of his lips, eyes darting between you and the wall behind you. “i don’t know. i feel like we haven’t talked in ages, y’know? and i know you’re busy and you have a great life here that i’m not really a part of, but uh, i wanna be, y’know? i don’t know much about school or field hockey, but it’s important to you and you’re important to me so i wanna hear about it.” 

he was met with more silence. luke continued, “maybe i’m asking for too much when i ask you to let me be a part of this life, but uh, i miss you? and i just feel like i’m losing you and that’s the last thing i want. so you gotta give me something, five star. tell me what i can do to be better.” 

“if you need me to back off, i’ll do it, you know? you call the shots. you tell me what you need from me, and i’ll do it, okay? i just– i can’t lose this. i don’t wanna lose you,” luke mumbled. “maybe this is all in my head too. i don’t know anymore.” 

you shuddered, lip quivering, “i feel like i’m holding you back.” 

“what?” 

“come on, luke,” you flicked away the tear that trickled down your cheek, “you’re out there in the world doing what you love. meeting new people. living your life and i don’t want to hold you back from that. we met each other when i didn’t have all these responsibilities and who i was at camp is not who i am here and i know you love those impromptu adventures and trips and spontaneity. a-and i can’t give that to you.” 

“you deserve someone who can live this life with you and i’m stuck here for two more years, luke. i can’t do that,” it was getting hard to breathe. your throat felt like it was closing up, cutting off your airflow. you’d been putting off this conversation for weeks. it didn’t feel right to talk about this over the phone, and you thought that you had a few more weeks to figure out what to say to him when you saw him for winter break, but he was here now. “you deserve more than facetime calls and text messages, and that’s all i can offer.” 

“is this–” he paused, licking his lips. “is this not what you want anymore?” 

“what?” 

“this, us? is this just not what you want anymore?” 

an involuntary laugh escaped you as you wiped under your eye, “castellan, i don’t think i could stop wanting you even if i wanted to. and you know when we first met, i really wanted to.” 

luke moved closer to you, just an inch or two, trying to gauge your reaction. you didn’t move away, which he took as a good sign, “i’m confused. why do you sound like you want to end this then?” 

“i don’t want you to settle for this,” you sighed, “i know what you deserve and it isn’t this.” 

“bullshit.” 

you furrowed your eyebrows, looking at him in disbelief, “what?” 

“i’m sorry, five star, but that’s bullshit,” a small smile was tugging on his lips. he reached over to place a hand over yours. his fingers traced your knuckles, running the pads of his fingers across the familiar ridges of your skin. “i don’t understand how after all this time you still don’t realize that all i want is you. it’s ridiculous, really.” 

“it’s ridiculous?” 

“it’s ridiculous,” he chuckled wetly. his other hand rubbed at his eyes, clearing his foggy vision. “our situation isn’t ideal, i know that, but i’d take long distance with you over anything else with anyone else. don’t you get it, five star? you’re it for me. if this isn’t what you want anymore, i’ll accept that. but if you’re only doing this because you don’t think i want this… five star, i want it all with you. long distance. phone calls. text messages. weekend trips when we can get them. distance has nothing on how i feel about you.” 

leave it to luke castellan to make you blush. you shyly looked at him, eyes twinkling with something more than either of you bargained for when you first met in that secret spot you call yours, “how do you feel about me?” 

“i’m not gonna say it right now because i don’t want to have the first time be while we’re in a fight,” luke laughed. the air was starting to clear. “but i have a feeling you know.” 

“i know,” you squeezed his hand three times, “i do too.” 

“will you put me out of my misery and kiss me please?” 

“always so fucking dramatic,” you scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes, but you leaned over and pressed your lips to his.

[panickingpansexuality]

Imagine Darry calling you when Pony goes missing

It was late when you got the call, you lived with your grandma down the block from the Curtis brothers. 

When you answered it was Darry, frantic as ever, you didn't even get a chance to say "hello" before he started talking

"(Y/n) I messed up, Pony's gone and we can't find him anywhere I need your help."

"Where are you?" Is all you asked.

"I'm by the drive in right now I can be there in a minute to pick you up." 

"Darry, it's ok I'll meet you over there-Wait Where's Soda?"

"Absolutely not!" He said near to yelling. "It's too late right now, please just..wait for us, Sodas with me."

"Ok." You sigh out, "I better have a full explanation on what happened."

"You will, I promise."

Fifteen minutes later the two Greasers were at your front door looking sweaty as if they've run a mile.

"What happened?" You asked slinging your old school book bag over your shoulder. 

"We.." Darry began, "We got into a fight and.." he swallowed. "I hit him."

"Fuck." You breathed out, you covered your mouth with one hand and breathed, removing your hand you look grab Darrys hand and give a gentle squeeze.

"What about the others? Have you called them?"

"No." Soda said, "We figured we'd try and look first since it's so late."

"You two keep looking." You say, "I'll ring up everyone in this damn state if I have to."

"We'll walk you." Darry said.

"The more time you're with me is more time you're not using to find Pony." You say softly.

You reach up and give a kiss to Darrys cheek before letting his hand go and running off in the direction of their house.

You pulled out your phone book from your bag and started making calls.

Two Bit: Nothing but awake and alert now

Steve: Nothing but with your persuasion, he went out to look.

Johnny's house: his mother answered, he isn't home.

Tim Shepherd: Annoyed but did say he'd let you know if he saw either of them.

Buck Merril: Ain't seen any damn kids, but since their Dallys friends he might know.

Dallas:

"What?" 

"Dally I'll excused the attitude cause we've got bigger problems, It's Johnny and Pony they're missing."

"What do you mean missing?" 

"They're gone, Pony flew out of the house after a fight he had with Darry and I called Johnny's and his Ma said he isn't home."

"That's a dumbass idea to call over there."

"You and I both know that his dad's either out or too drunk to wake up to the sound of a phone so don't even start with me."

"And if he woke up?" 

"I would've played dumb that's what I'd do."

You two were silent for a moment before something clicked.

"Where are they?" You asked him

"How would I know? Look, give them some time, they'll come back, I'm sure they're just sleeping at the drive-in or something."

"Dallas Winston, you know where they are because you'd be jumping out of whoever's bed you're in to come help us and at the very least give them a bed to sleep in."

The line went dead.

You let out a frustrated groan then made other calls, some to your friends, others to a very few Soc girls you knew, and others to the middle class kids, all promising to keep an eye out but that was it.

By the time you were done the two older brothers were back.

"Nothin." You told them, "But Dally knows something but he ain't telling me."

Darry was up in a minute.

"Stop." You said, and he did.

"Bed," You ordered, "both of you, maybe Dally has them where he's at but if he does it's best to leave them be."

"Them?" Soda asked.

"Johnny's gone too."

Dallys shoulders relaxed a little, Soda still looked a little worried.

"It's late and y'all got work tomorrow, Soda go on in I gotta talk to Darry for a second."

"Yes ma'am."

When you two were alone Darry didn't meet your eyes, he looked frigid, carefully you stepped towards him and wrapped your arms around him. The reaction was instant, he buried his head in your hair and held on tightly.

"It'll be ok." You said quietly, and that's when he broke down. 

Every sob broke you and all you could do was hang on tighter.

"I'm trying so hard (y/n)." He said, "Mom and Dad would hate me if they saw how I was doing."

"No." You said fiercely, looked up at him and made him meet your eyes. "Darry they would be proud of you, maybe not the proudest right now, but you're trying and you're doing so good with them."

"I'm so hard on him (y/n)." 

"It's not because you're hateful to him." You said.

"You love him and it's unfair this is being put on you, but listen to me when I say they would be so proud of you Darry but they'd be more upset over you boys being thrown into this."

"Now, as for being hard on him, just talk to him, Darry, please. He'll be home soon and y'all can talk it out."

"I can't believe I hit him."

"Neither can I," You say, "but it will never happen again."

Darry nods and kisses your forehead.

"Bedtime." You tell him, "I'll take the couch."

"The hell you will, little lady." Darry says picking you up bridal style.

"Darrel Shane Curtis Jr you put me down right now!"

You squeal, Darry takes you into Pony and Sodas bed and throws you down in there with Soda.

"Lord you're lucky I love you." You say.

Soda laughs as Darry lays in between you and him.

"Yes I am." He says

"If y'all gonna be gushy, sleep in the other room, please!" Soda whines.

"Goodnight boys." You say kissing Darry on the cheek.

"I'll be here in the morning ok?"

Darry looks torn but nods, you lean down and give him a good kiss on the lips to let him know you love him, before leaving the two to some needed brother time.

You took off your sneakers and laid down on the couch, grabbing a blanket from your bag. They'd hear from the two of you tomorrow, at least you hoped so.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Alto/Landgraab Household

Splits

It's now evening and Holly is back from her daily outing. “Oh man, that's so unfair"/ ”What's unfair again, Holly? “/ “You know that very well, mom! I'd love to give the juice to the people here instead of letting him drink it all. “/ “hh… You know…”/ “I don't know anything anymore. Some people are already thinking about getting together for the winter months so they don't have to freeze”.

Holly was really pissed off. After all, she and her family had everything they needed. “Great…if you would at least cook your spaghetti for everyone…”. Vita tried to remain calm. Despite all the circumstances, her daughter's words really got to her. And now that she's pregnant, her nerves are even more frayed than usual. “How's the school set-up going?"/ ‘We're still missing a few tables and books’….

It was almost too late to build a small school for the children. Now that winter is coming, a well-heated room will be needed. But maybe they'll find a solution for that too. “I'll bring my easel at the school , so others can use it"/ ‘Yes, Holly, that's a good idea’.

Since you never knew when a good time was, Gerhard seized the moment anyway. “Would you have a moment to talk after dinner, Nick?"/ ‘How important is it, on a scale of 1-10?’/ ”Cut the nonsense, will you? “. Nick looked at him blankly for a moment. “You've got 20 minutes then, after that I have to go to the bedroom.” Gerhard and the others knew what that meant.

“Don't eat so fast, Malcolm, you had a tummy ache earlier…"/ ”It's all right now. Can I really have my own room, Mom?"/ ‘When we find the right house, then yes…’. Vita looked at her a little skeptically. “Are you sure you'll find something there, Nancy?”. She just looked at her with narrow eyes “You haven't really looked around yet, Vita! At least you don't have to worry, your house is still standing!”.

Vita was piqued. “Oh please, our house hasn't stayed quite intact either, our bedroom is now in the office and the kitchen is just a makeshift"/ ‘at least I helped you build a new kitchen and besides… when we're gone, at least you'll have one more room for the little thing’, Nancy looked at Vita's stomach with a movement of her head. And she just looked at her again with narrowed eyes “Do you think it's better somewhere else than here? I don't think so!"/ ‘That shouldn't be your problem, Vita.’.

The room was silent for a brief moment. Then Nancy continued. “Where have all the good times gone? We were young once too, Vita. Nothing was laid in our laps.” Vita looked at her hesitantly and with one eyebrow raised. “You had a rich mother who left you a lot…"/ ”Leave my mother out of it, do you hear me? And besides, there's nothing left of that or I would have made sure we didn't have to live under one roof with you any longer. I'm sorry, Vita, but we're out of here tomorrow”.

While the women were talking animatedly in the house, the men were talking to each other outside. “When are you going to get some sense, Nick? Can't you see how the others are doing? It all depends on you, why can't you just give in?"/ ”Because then I'll have nothing left but the house."/ ”as you know, money is slowly becoming irrelevant here, only you're still holding on to it”.

“It wasn't just you who built this city back then, don't forget that. My wife also contributed a lot to making the city what it is… Was. And now look around you. Do you really want to go on like this forever? You're going to be a father again, Nick, maybe you'll think about it? Or do you want to raise your offspring to be the selfish asshole you are right now?”.

Nick turned to him and got a little louder again. “Do you think I give a shit? No, damn it…"/ ”Then finally put an end to all this. Give them your shares and finally accept the help of the military. The people here have done a lot on their own by now. And almost got themselves killed in the process. There have already been enough casualties, Nick… And it won't be long before they'll be here on your doorstep because you're not cooperating, believe me.”

“Man Gerhard…"/ ”No… I'm getting sick of hearing it. It would be so easy if you just had a little compassion. And sorry, I'm not going to be a spy for you any more… When's the next delivery coming by the way?"/ ‘I think it's Sunday…’/ ”Then make sure we're not the only ones who benefit from it. Did you know that VJ Alvi has now shot two deer? He distributes the meat among the people… The boy is going to be something”.

“Yes, I… I've heard about it… I need a break "/ ”Nancy and I will look for a new place to stay tomorrow. She can no longer be under the same roof as your wife. And think about your daughter, she's more of a Samaritan than you two ever were. “. Nick had to admit to himself that Gerhard was right. His daughter had taken very good care of the other inhabitants since the meteor storm. “Yes, I know… Now please excuse me”….

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this Part

@greenplumbboblover 😊

[zenphiaaa]

Cut You Off (Kunikida Doppo)

MathTeacher!Kunikida x TeacherAssistant!Gen!Reader

<> You had to do a few months of supervised teaching in order to complete your degree

<> You got assigned to be Kunikida's teacher assistant

<> While Kunikida wasn't your first pick to assist, you didn't want to say that you were stuck with the man

<> He was nice and treated you well, you just wished that you would stop gaining crushes on people who were nice to you

<> It really didn't help your poor heart when Kunikida would press his hand against your back or touch your arm to get your attention

<> You really hoped that he wouldn't notice your red checks whenever he let out a rare laugh or your flustered state when he would hand your mug to you and your fingers would touch

"Are you alright?" Kunikida questioned as he watched you groan in pain and rub your temples in circles.

"Bad migraine. I think Dazai screaming Taylor Swift lyrics at the top of his lungs affected me more than I thought. And not in a good way." You slightly joked as you pressed your cold cup to your head as a means of relief.

"You take some medicine?" Kunikida calmly asked as he eyes carefully scanned your figure. While your checks were flushed and sweat started to collect around your forehead, the male had a feelin it was more than a migraine.

You hummed a quoet no as you closed your eyes, "Didn't have time before school and we ran out in the nurses office. Yanso said we'll be getting some tomorrow but I'm sure I'll be fine after getting some sleep." You shrugged off the man's concerns.

Kunikida hummed as he moved to his desk, "I keep some pain killers in my drawer. Dazai's antics always gives me headaches." He rolls his eyes as he pulls open said drawer and plucks a bottle of pain killers from their place. He wordlessly hands them to you as he moves to get you some fresh water.

"Thanks." You choke out as you finally swallowed down the ills, drinking the tap water the blonde male gave you.

"Here." Kunikida gently moves you off of the chair and onto the break rooms couch. "Go take a nap for the rest of your lunch. You'll feel a bit better when you wake up. I'll wake you before the bell rings." You mumbled out an 'okay' before allowing yourself to relax and shove your head in between the pillows of the couch.

After a few minutes your breathing had finally evened out which made Kunikida sigh in relief. He didn't like seeing you in pain. He quietly pulled a throwaway blanket on top of you and placed a water bottle on the table near you.

"I wish you'd let me take care of you." He whispered into the quietness. Carefully brushing your cheek with his index finger. Smiling softly at your peaceful expression, Kunikida finally moved away and sat on a chair opposite of you. He would watch after you to make sure no one tried anything.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

It was finally the end of the day, letting out a big sigh you place another box on your desk as you try and organize the textbooks. Getting out the books for the new semester was heavier than you realized. Why the heck were textbooks so thick?

"Thought you would be heading home sooner rather than later." A voice snapped you out of your thoughts. Your eyes met Kunikida's who was currently frowning at you.

"Figured I would give myself a half day tomorrow." You replied with a ghost of a smile. "This way I won't have to stay behind and help Ranpo, cause I'm doing everything today." You explained as you finally got done sorting everything.

"I see." Was all Kunikida muttered as he took in your tired eyes and wobbly smile. "The nap helped then?"

You ducked your head, "It did for a bit but then Dazai started with his flirting antics again. At least I can function with this headache." Before Kunikida could scold you for working while not feeling good you finally found the courage to lift your head up. "Um! Are you busy tomorrow then? Since it's the weekend would you want to go to a cafe with me? I want to treat you for eariler."

You could feel your heart wanting to claw its way out of your chest as you despretely tried to search for something on the man's face. You could almost never tell what he was thinking. It was why he always won the the faulty poker games.

Kunikida smiled, "Sure, I'll meet you by the stop at noon then. But you don't need to bring your wallet. I wouldn't let you pay for our date." The male hummed before leaving you to your own devices.

You stood in the middle of the floor with silent panic....did that really just happen to you?

[laconic-void]

Sandlot fic... part threeeeee

Yeah-Yeah POV

It was really nice of Benny to give smalls a walkie talkie so he could still be in the game. Those two are close, but I know Benny is generous and would have done that for any of us. Jesus, what would I even do if I was stuck at home all day? Help mom and Alice iron clothes? Yikes.

I wish Phillips and his team would just leave already. We already kicked their butts, and they're just interrupting my playtime with the guys. I'm itching to get moving again. Is this how Benny feels all the time?

"Shut up for two seconds, Porter!" Phillips snapped. "We came here because we've been preparing... for a rematch!" Phillips' teammates cheered almost mechanically. I don't know if anyone else is buying this, but I sure ain't. Those guys have no team spirit, and that's why they lose.

Everyone looked at Benny. "I'd love to play against you guys, Phillips," Benny said, scratching his head. He doesn't want anything to do with these guys, but who are we to turn down a challenge? "Except, we can't do it, because one of our team members is grounded."

"Oh, so you forfeit?" Phillips sneered.

"Watch it, crap face! We could kick your asses with half a team!" Ham shot back. The rest of us roared in approval.

"Fine, fine, fine!" Benny said indignantly. "But it has to be next week. If one of us is out, all of us are."

"Good. You guys could use the prep time." Phillips smirked and his team got on their bikes and left. Bunch of jerks.

"I don't know, Benny, this seems off," Kenny said. "What if they've been training like they said?"

"Yeah-yeah, what if we embarrass ourselves?" I jumped in.

"We won't," Benny replied calmly. "And even if those guys do win, we've got an advantage over them. We're cool, and they're mean."

Benny was cutting us an awful lot of slack with that one. I hope Scotty forgives me for the things I said in the beginning. All he needed was some guidance and he was on par with the rest of us almost immediately! Not that I would admit that to him or the guys, though.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get practicing!"

...

"Hey, Alan. How was your day?"

"Good."

"How are the others?"

"Good."

"Not in a conversational mood today?"

"Go- I mean. Not really." I love my mom, even though she drives me nuts.

"Well, Alice and I baked you a special treat for after dinner!" I smiled. Then the door opened. I frowned. Dad is home.

"Hi honey. Hi, Alice! Hello, Alan." I don't know if I love my dad, but I feel like I probably should, so I force a grin.

We all sat at the dinner table and my mom scooped roasted chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes on my plate. I ate a few bites before I got up and started pacing around with my fork in my hand.

"Alan! Sit down. It's not cocktail hour."

"Sorry."

"School starts in just over a week, Alan. Are you going to act like this in school?" My father demanded.

"No." I mumbled.

"You'd better not." My dad paused. "Maybe you can learn some things from your sister. She gets along perfectly fine and so can you."

"Honey," mom started,

"No." Said my father. "Alan is starting middle school this year. If he can't get his shit together, he won't be allowed to go to the sandlot."

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" I yelled. I looked at mom and Alice desperately, but neither of them would meet my eyes.

"That's enough out of you, Alan. Now go to your room." There is no use arguing, so I trotted up the stairs, defeated.

How do the other guys have it so easy? We're not star students by any means - except maybe Smalls - but they can at least get their homework done. And my dad is right. Why can't I be more like my sister?

I'll just go to the sandlot extra early tomorrow, so I won't have to see my stupid family.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Laying the Yeah-Yeah ADHD headcanons on thick here... what's a fic if I don't project myself onto all the characters?

Part 4 coming soon!!

@fairiiboy444

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

The Last Coffee

"All packed and ready to go?" Harry asked as he knocked on Draco's bedroom door.

Draco turned around, taking a break from applying tape on one of the last cardboard boxes. He nodded his head with a soft smile, "All done. The driver will pick up these boxes by tomorrow morning, that's alright right?"

" Yeah, as long as that person doesn't disturb my sleep." Harry shrugged in a joke.

Draco shook his head with a chuckle, "Typical Harry of you."

Harry for that brief didn't know what else to say because he knew Draco was going to be thousand of miles apart in a matter of few hours when for the last 10 years of his life they have lived in the same place, whether it was school or this apartment.

"Last coffee before I leave?" Draco finally asked and Harry nodded.

They collected their coats and walked hand in hand to the coffee shop by the corner of the street for what was the last time.

"So, this is the last time we're going to hold hands?" Harry finally said.

Draco sighed.

"Come on, someone had to say it and I know there's a lot on your mind so just say whatever it is or you know you'll regret it." Harry said.

Draco looked at Harry for a brief moment knowing he was right.

Right after ordering their last cup of coffee's together Draco finally opened up,

"Are you sure you don't want to give long distance a try? We could make it work if we try."

Harry smiled, "We could try, we could even try if you lived on the opposite ends of the planet but we know how it's going to end. Our time zone's are not even going to be the same, let alone we won't have a proper communication about anything. It won't be the same."

Draco teared up a little because he was hoping with his whole heart that Harry might turn his thought around if even at the last moment but he was losing any kind of hope here.

Harry noticing his emotions took his hands in his own and caressed them softly.

"I know you think this is easy for me but it's killing me inside. I have loved you for years, we've lived in the same apartment for 4 years, we've been together almost all the time, how can it possibly be easy for me to not be around you anymore? I've loved you all this time and I can't tell you how much I really want to make it work but Draco I know the differences we'll have, you'll have a whole lot of different people there, you'll be required there so many more times. You will need so much time to adjust into a new environment and I'll start wondering how much efforts you're putting in and then I will get used to it and by the time you'll be done adjusting, I'll have a life of my own, we won't be able to make time for each other, we'll have more fights than conversation- "

"Harry, just stop," Draco cut him off taking his hands away from Harry's hold, "you have this whole thing planned out as if you're going to do it. How are you so sure that this is what's going to happen? What if it's the opposite?"

Harry gave him a soft smile, "I don't know half shit of how it's going to work or what may happen or what may not. To be very honest, I think i'm wrong but- there is a 5% chance in what i'm saying is true and that is why before I lose you to distance, I want to be prepared for losing you. At least, I know I am ending it and not you because of distance," he takes a pause and sighs, "I just don't want to be hurt and hurt you more than I have. I don't want to fight and give up on you-"

"and so you don't even want to try?"

Harry shook his head, "I want to. I want to be proven wrong but I know I won't be because one day I don't want to be on the end where you say I don't think this is working and have my heart shattered but knowing that it was happening all the time. You know how you always called me a saviour?"

Draco nods.

"This time the saviour wants to save himself. Sometimes that saviour has to make sacrifices and compromises so this time i'm choosing to protect myself because I don't think I'll ever be okay if this ends after trying. How can you get hurt when you never even tried?"

"By knowing you never even tried. You are giving up, Harry, you've never given up before." A tear dropped down from the corner of his eyes and Harry wiped it away.

"I'm not giving up. I love you, I have and I always will but I'm not the same person I used to be. I have been a lot hurt in my life Draco and you know it so well, this one time, just once I want to not be hurt later."

"So, you're hurting me instead?" Draco sobbed.

"I'm hurting both of us really but I know I am hurting you. I know and I wish I wasn't but this is for the better and you'll know with time. I am so sorry for all the pain but we are meant to be hurt, now or later. Impending doom."

"So, its a losing argument with you? You are not going to change your mind?" Draco asked.

Harry teared up and shook his head, "We're both losing. I am losing you, I am hurting you but I know it's for the better of both of us. I want to change my mind but I know I shouldn't. I want to protect both of us."

"I don't think you're protecting anyone." But Harry didn't know what else to say because he knew he wasn't going to change his mind, he wanted to but he knew he shouldn't.

Draco shook his head and after wiping away his tears gave a smile, "I suppose it was good while it lasted."

"The best I'll ever have. Only one i'll ever have."

"I love you."

"I love you."

They shared their one last cup of coffee after which Draco left for unknown amount of time. Harry didn't know if he made the best decision or not, he always hoped he did but he never wanted Draco to live with any regret of ending things between them. Maybe they were doomed, maybe they were not. Distance breaks many hearts and they knew they'd be one of them but Harry would rather lose Draco to himself than to distance.

One last cup of coffee, that was all that mattered at the end.

I should've been studying but this was meant to be written..

the last?

Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3

@phoebe-delia @chinike @thecornerofbelu @nv-md @cissa-bee @missdrarrydawn @littlebodybigheartttt @harryandginnydeservesbetter @draco-lucious-malfoy @textrovert-01 @inflation-of-mind @dearly-devoted-dawdler @loves-to-read-fanfic

[pbandjesse]

I am very tired. So I did not get anything accomplished after work today. I don't feel that bad about it but I really hope that tomorrow I can get more done and I won't be as tired because it did not feel very good to be so exhausted.

But it was a really nice day and I got to spend time outside and that was really beautiful. And it wasn't even that I slept poorly last night I actually went to bed at a decent time and I woke up when I was supposed to but I just felt so exhausted. I got dressed and I didn't like my outfit so I changed and I was still pretty uncomfortable. My hair felt really dry. It still feels dry honestly. And driving to work was really tough. James had packed me a sandwich so I ate that while I was driving and tried to just keep it together.

I got to camp around 8:00 and drove to all my different sites to make sure that everything was where we're supposed to be. And then I started waiting for parents to arrive. They were supposed to be there between 8:30 and 9:30. But there was some typo or miscommunication and by 9:00 I had one adult and it was just a chaperone and not one of my parent volunteers. I was very stressed out.

The school came at 9:45 when they were supposed to but so did most of the chaperones. And it was just really stressful. Thankfully Elizabeth it wasn't teaching in the first rotation for the other schools field trip so she was able to come over and help me get them oriented and then for the first rotation I did a little intro for painting and for tools. Just to help them out because both of those volunteers were very stressed.

But after that my stress really went away. The kids were super sweet and they seem like they were having a super fun time. I had to run around kind of like a crazy person making sure that everything was settled. Because somebody ran out of material and there was some confusion but everything works great. And I ended up just having some really nice conversations with some of the teachers and parents and it was a really nice day.

After the second program I was able to sit down for a little while and work on some knitting that I had that I wanted to finish. I have decided that I am not tracking the rain anymore this year. Jess also stopped her tracking blanket because the yarn I used is just way too hard to work with. So I have a few months done and I still think it's a really cool piece even if it's not the full year.

I'll still find something to do with the yarn. Just using it on the loom it was too fragile. Maybe I'll try actually crocheting it and see what happens.

I let the groups know when to leave for lunch and everyone got over there really fast I was surprised. And then I ate my lunch in the kitchen while I watched everyone and some of the kids ran outside. One little girl wanted me to be her best friend. She had blue hair and I have blue green hair so she kept trying to involve me in their games. She invited me to come play tag which was very cute but I told her I do not run. And she said oh you don't have to run! But I did not want to play. It was very cute that she invited me though.

After lunch they had two more rotations and everything seemed to go great. I ended up sitting and talking to the parent who was leading signs and symbols and she's a teacher and a deaf educator. So we had this lovely conversation about the ways I want to scaffold the program and talk about Native American sign language and the updates I want to make and she really thought that some of them were excellent ideas. Which made me feel very positive.

Which then led me to find the time to sit and finally do talk to text to write down all of my ideas for the programs and the way I want to change them. I want to make something a little bit more formal and more like a PowerPoint with examples or at least a document with examples but at least now I have all of the ideas out and I can edit them. I also sat down and figured out a modified schedule where instead of having five groups doing five rotations we have four groups with four rotations and the first rotation I am leading a brush making program for the entirety of the group because then if the group is very late we can cut that one without there being any issue. And I think while it would make the groups larger it would solve a lot of our problems for the way that the schools come in. And it would take away a lot of my stress because it would give us more time to get everyone else set up if needed.

It also would give them just a cool take-home and since we would all be doing it as a group first it could then be used at the other sites specifically when they're using natural pigments. And I just think that that would be a really cool piece to include.

After the last program everyone came back to the lodge and I asked the kids a few questions and they did pretty good. And then because I knew they had to get right on the bus I wasn't going to do my whole spiel so I instead asked if they could all take their chairs outside to help me stack them. And you should have seen some of the parents faces. They were very expressive and very panicked. But the kids were so excited to help and the chairs are aluminum so it was not a big deal it just sounds really loud. And so they carried all 75 chairs outside and got them stacked up and then I didn't have to worry about it. Because that is my least favorite part because while the chairs are not heavy they don't stack super well to be carried. Specifically by one person. And I wanted to be done as fast as possible.

I waved everyone off and told them all goodbye and thank you so much for coming and then the bus was gone. I worked on packing up my car with all the stuff from the hacienda and then Bonnie was there to start cleaning.

I asked if she wanted me to fold the tables away too so I stayed with her for a bit All we did that and just talked to her. She's a really nice lady. She didn't have her dog with her today though which I was a little disappointed about. I love buddy but it's fine I understand.

Then I was off to the art building to drop everything off. And then continued on to get everything else from the woodlands village. I do not like driving on that really thick gravel that's over there. I am convinced it's going to pop my tires somehow but all the construction vehicles go back there and it seems fine. Although I do keep finding big old nails on the ground by the hacienda and picking those up. Thankfully no one has gotten any flat tires yet but it is a concern.

It took me a little while to get everything in the car and then I brought everything back up to the art building and packed it away. And made sure all the walkies were plugged in and ready. I do seem to be missing one walkie. I really hope a parent did not take it home with them but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

And then I went down to the office and checked in with Elizabeth and she said that if I was done to go over the lodge to help put chairs away with everyone else.

But when I got there no one else was there. Well someone was there. His name is Jeff and he works with Bonnie. He has a prosthetic leg and I desperately wanted to ask him about it. And he did give me an opportunity to and so I got to tell him about my dad and he told me that friend of his got a prosthetic when he was 16 and then when he was 70 the socket came off and he fell down and broke his hip! So he told me to warn my dad about that. Make sure that the fit is correct so that you don't fall down. He was a really nice guy.

And then everyone else was there and we got all the chairs away very quickly. We took the trash out and I get very frustrated at camp when communication isn't clear. I just wanted to know if I could go home. I am absolutely willing to stay as late as you need as long as I have something to do. But this amorphous like sitting around waiting for instructions drives me crazy. And I want to leave immediately if you have nothing for me to do I don't want to sit around I have a long drive home. it makes me very annoyed. And it has the entire time I've worked there. It's why the end of the day always stress me out so bad because I didn't know when I was allowed to leave because it was never clear about when my work was done. So I asked Heather and she said that I could leave and then they Dachelle said I can leave but I wanted to wait till Elizabeth said that everything was done. So I kept popping back into the office and going to my car and then coming back up but eventually everyone was like go Jesse get out of here. So I did.

I was going to stop at the store because I need new eyeliner but I got so tired again all of a sudden. I'm fine when I'm moving but as soon as I stop my brain is just like time to sleep. But I had a half an hour drive home so I kept it together best I could. Sang along to music. And let James know.

When I got home I parked and I brought my stuff inside. Sweetp seemed very excited to see me. I would take a shower and put on my flannel and get in bed.

And once James let me know that they were at the grocery store I fell asleep. And I slept until around 5:30. When wind blew against the back door and made a banging sound and startled to me. And I was a little disoriented but it was a good nap and eventually I would wake up enough. James made me a falafel salad which was really good but would have improved with bread. And I was in a little bit of a weird mood for a while but eventually the food made me feel better and I wasn't being as much of a birch to James.

Me and James just spent the rest of the night on the couch together. They are playing the new Zelda game and I'm just watching tik toks and crying about people winning music competitions. And laughing entirely too hard at comedy videos. Stand up. I used to love stand up so much and I don't really watch long form stand up anymore but I love seeing clips of it on TikTok.

Now I want to do my lotions to my face and pick an outfit for tomorrow because I don't think I like the one that I had planned. And then I went to go to sleep. Because hopefully I will feel more like a person tomorrow. I'm at the museum and I'm really looking forward to it and I hope that the school is really good and that whatever I'm doing is excellent. I don't remember what I'm doing tomorrow but that's fine. And then maybe tomorrow I will actually get my market stuff ready for Saturday. Fingers crossed.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. And take care of each other. Good night everybody. Until next time!

[captainlilyuniverseworld]

3 Months

Over the course of three months Barnaby and Kotetsu closer and learn more about each other's scars, both physical and psychological after Kotetsu has to move in with Barnaby following a major surgery after a mission. Barnaby does his best to help Kotetsu as best as he can, wanting to return the sentiment for all the times Kotetsu has helped him.

But when both men are stubborn and wear masks it's easier said then done. Luckily they've got friends, and each other.

a/n: I wanted to do a little fic exploration, both of Kotetsu and Barnaby learning more about each other being confined to a small space for a long period of time while so looking at the otherside of Kotetsu that we don't often see. Full story will be on AO3 but i thought id share the first chapter here ♥

I

“Why can’t I stay at my apartment?” Kotetsu frowned and crossed his arms over chest. 

Barnaby crossed his arms over his chest and looked pointedly at the bright blue cast that covered nearly his entire left leg. 

“Do you really think you can sleep on your couch for three to four months?” Barnaby asked. “Or climb up and down the stairs to your bed?” 

“Well…it’s not like my couch is uncomfortable,” Kotetsu replied. “I’ve slept on it before.” 

“And complained about a crick in your neck for the next three days after,” Barnaby reminded him. “It’s already been decided you’ll stay with me once you’re released from the hospital.” 

“What? Bunny no, I can’t do that,” Kotetsu shook his head. “What about your solitude? And according to the doctor, I’d have to be with you at least a few months. That's…that’s a long time. I could just go home, use my vacation time.” 

“Isn’t your mother planning to take Kaede on a vacation during her school break for a few weeks? And doesn’t your brother work?” Barnaby asked. 

“Well yeah but…” Kotetsu shrugged. “I’m a grown man. I can look at myself.” 

“Are you that opposed to staying with me?” Barnaby frowned a little. 

“No but…three months? Are you sure you’re willing to do that?” Kotetsu asked. 

“I wouldn’t have offered it if I wasn’t,” Barnaby answered. “Lloyds has already approved my request for a week off while you’re on bedrest, and I can work from home a few days a week to make sure you don’t injure yourself further when you no doubt attempt to do more than you should.” 

“Got it all planned out don’t you?” Kotetsu sighed but smiled a little. 

“Consider it me returning the favor from all the times you’ve helped me,” Barnaby replied. He stood up and picked up his jacket. “I’ll go by your place and pick up some clothes and essentials for you. Once your bedrest is over we can go back and see if there’s anything else you’d like to bring with you.” 

“Do you need my keys?” Kotetsu asked. 

Barnaby pulled them out of his pocket. “Already got them. Get some rest alright? I'll be back tomorrow.” 

“Hey um…Thanks Bunny,” Kotetsu told him. “I’ll try not to get on your nerves too much.” 

“I doubt that, but I appreciate the thought,” Barnaby smiled a bit. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“ So, gonna be staying with Barnaby huh?” Antonio asked. “ Should I get your casket ready now? Or give it a few weeks?” 

Kotetsu rolled his eyes and picked at a loose thread on the hospital blanket. “I’m not that bad of a house guest. And I’ve been to Bunny’s place before, even stayed the night.” 

“ Yes, after you’ve passed out drunk from drinking too much beer and wine,” Antonio pointed out.

“Okay…Fair point,” Kotetsu sighed. 

He tried to lean back but the pillows he was propped up against made it a bit difficult. So he only managed to lean back a few inches at best. 

“ Well I’d offer to let you stay with me, but, we know how well that went last time,” Antonio replied. “ Listen, I'm sure it’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah…yeah you’re probably right,” he nodded. 

“ You sure you’re alright? I know it’s late, but I could swing by, sneak in some bad food,” Antoio offered. 

“No, it’s late, and the nurse is gonna swing by again to check on my leg, she’ll smell the hamburger grease a mile away,” Kotetsu told him. “But thanks for the offer.” 

“ Three months are gonna fly by, and you’ll be back before you know it,” Antonio told him. “ Call me when you get settled in. Maybe we can convince Barnaby to invite the group over for some drinks.” 

“That sounds great Antonio, I’ll talk to you later,” Kotetsu smiled a bit. 

He hung up and set his cell phone on the small table next to the hospital bed. He tried to get more comfortable but between his leg being held up, and the pillows he was propped up against to avoid rolling over, he was stuck. 

“Guess I got three months of having the straightest spine in existence right?” He pulled the blanket up and tried to get as comfortable as he could before closing his eyes and trying to sleep. 

***

“Oh, you’re awake,” Barnaby blinked a little surprised as he walked into Kotetsu’s hospital room. 

“I couldn’t really get comfortable enough to sleep,” Kotetsu shrugged and sat up a bit. “Between the nurses coming in to make sure I haven’t developed a concussion, or rolled over in my sleep…and ya know,” he motioned to the hospital room. “What’s in the bag?” 

Barnaby nodded as he set down the bag he’d brought with him. “I brought you a change of clothes. The nurse said it’d be alright and I thought it might make you feel a bit more comfortable.” 

“I…thanks Bunny, that’s, that’s really thoughtful of you,” Kotetsu smiled. “They’re a lot less itchy than this hospital gown I’ll tell you that much. Oh…but uh, how am I gonna manage pants with the cast?” 

Barnaby pulled out a pair of shorts. “At least one silver lining is that it’s almost summer. Would you like some assistance or…?” 

“I think I can manage, but uh…maybe stay close, just in case?” Kotetsu asked. 

Barnaby nodded and pulled out the shirt he’d brought along with him, while Kotetsu started to remove the hospital gown being mindful of all the tubing he was still hooked up to. The shirt was easy enough, he’d grabbed a semi-random button up t-shirt that was blue with little pineapples on it. 

The shorts were black and knee length. They were wide legged so he figured they’d be easier to slip on over the cast. He stayed close but didn’t hover, and busied himself with seeing what he semi-blindly grabbed from the other man’s apartment. 

Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, socks, shoes, well, one shoe. Hat. 

“Um…Bunny, could you give me a hand?” Kotetsu asked. “I can’t get my other leg.” 

Barnaby looked over and saw that he had one leg through the right pant leg while he held the left side with his hand. He set down the hat and walked over to the bedside. 

“Just uh, my ribs are still a little sore, I can pull them up I just need you to get them over my foot,” Kotetsu explained. 

“Not a problem,” Barnaby nodded and knelt down. 

He rolled up the left leg of the shorts and lifted his left foot carefully slipping it over the cast and pulled it up just enough for the other man to grab the hem and pull them up the rest of the way. He sat back on the bed and stared at his leg. 

Barnaby didn’t move. Must as he wanted to help him, he knew Kotetsu would be stubborn, he already didn’t like hospitals, doing certain things without asking would just be making things worse. 

He supposed in a way they were similar in that regard. 

Stubborn, and at times unwilling to ask for help. 

In Kotetsu’s case, not wanting to be a burden. 

Though as he watched Kotetsu wince and bring his left leg up and prop it back up on the pillows, right leg quickly following before sagging against the pillows, he was sorely tempted to disregard those feelings. 

“Better?” Barnaby asked instead. 

Kotetsu nodded and sat up a bit. “Uh, sorry about the mess you probably had to wade through. I was gonna clean up cause Kaede and...crap, Kaede.” He covered his face with his hands. “She was supposed to come up this weekend. I told her we’d go shopping for a few things for her trip…can’t very well do that now…” 

“Assuming it wasn’t too much of an overstep, I already called her and told her what happened,” Barnaby told him. “She was very understanding, and there’s still time before the trip. Putting it off for a few weeks won’t hurt.” 

Kotetsu sighed. “I hate knowing I’m the reason she’s so…understanding and accommodating. I mean, I don’t, I think it’s great ya know. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. But at the same time…” he shrugged. “Thank you Bunny. Gonna have to buy you a case of that fancy wine you like to make up for all this.” 

“Don’t worry about it, what partners are for right?” he waved his hand dismissively. “Besides, you can’t even pronounce its name. How do you expect to order a case?” 

“I know what the bottle looks like,” Kotetsu replied. “I’ll just go to the store, find the bottle and tell them I want a case. Easy.” 

“Whatever you say old man,” Barnaby crossed his arms over his chest and smiled a bit. 

“Who you calling old Bunny? I’m hardly that much older than you,” Kotetsu pouted. “I can still go toe to toe with any criminal in Sternbild…well…could.” 

“You could do a lot of damage with that cast,” Barnaby agreed. “Though, your punching’s a bit better than your kicking.” 

“Laughter is always a good sign,” the nurse smiled as she walked into the room. “The Doctor has given the all clear for you to go home, we’re just gonna go over a few things. We'll have you sign the discharge forms and make a follow-up appointment for a few weeks for now to check and see how the healing process is going. I understand that you’ll be released into Mr. Brooks’s care?” 

“Yes. That won’t be an issue will it?” Barnaby asked. 

“Not at all,” she assured him. “We’ll also just need to take down your information, should anything come up, and so the pharmacy is aware for prescription pick ups.”

“Do we really need to go over it all? No offense but we’re pretty much old hands at this,” Kotetsu said. “Can we just pretend?” 

“You’re going to be on a higher dosage of pain medication this time around Mr. Kaburagi, at least for the first few weeks, the doctor has also prescribed an optional sleeping medication. Patients sometimes have trouble falling asleep, or staying asleep following major surgery, especially with one as extensive as yours given that you’ll have to sleep propped up for the most part. As I said though, it is entirely optional, so if you don’t feel the need to take it, then you don’t have to,” she explained. 

“We understand,” Barnaby nodded when Kotetsu didn’t say anything. “Please, continue.” 

***

“Are you hungry? I haven’t had the chance to go grocery shopping yet, but I can have something delivered,” Barnaby offered. “I think I’ve got some take out menus in the kitchen from the last few times.” 

“Honestly Bunny, I think I just wanna try and get some sleep,” Kotetsu told him. “Maybe later though?” 

Barnaby nodded. “I’ll just be in the living room if you need anything.” 

Kotetsu nodded and settled back against the pillows. 

Barnaby turned out the light and left the door ajar as he left the bedroom. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before looking through the drawers until he found a pen and notepad making a quick grocery list. 

He could do this. 

[copingmechanism1899]

Sept 4, 2023

I am... really bad at this journaling thing.

Anyways, this came about because today was the first day of classes for me, and the last friend at home flies back to school tomorrow.

~~~

I've been at school basically all my life. I've probably typed it before, but I did summer school going into freshman year of highschool, and kept doing that until it became CLEP testing and literally nothing (because of physical injury).

2 summers ago was the first summer I didn't have summer school. I thought it was going to be my one summer to fuck around (and maybe get a job) before I got serious. Make it the summer that would appear in a horror movie where a group of people have no responsibilities and just... go somewhere to get k*lled do something.

But that didn't happen because I got injured and couldn't walk.

So I wasted away, doing CLEP tests and being generally bored. I can barely remember what I did. I know I spent time with family, and I'm sure I did something fun, but there's nothing that really comes to mind when I give it a thought.

This summer is not much better. I know I mentioned going out of state to visit family, and that was fun. But what else did I do? What was the most exciting part of my summer? I'm being asked this in every meeting, class, gathering... and I don't know how to answer without it being... weird.

"Summer was fun! I found out that I have idiopathic hypersomnia, and I could be medicated, but I can't because I'm in a different state." (yeah, I did a sleep study, more on that later.)

Or perhaps "Oh yeah, this summer I spent three months in what felt like school with a bunch of people who are also mentally unwell. Thankfully only a few of them annoyed me, the rest were all unmemorable."

Yikes.

For a fleeting moment at the end of the last school year, I thought, "Damn, I didn't make it last year, but maybe this year I'll at least go do something for myself." (More than like, reading or drawing, or something that can be done when/wherever.) I thought that maybe this summer I'd actually get the balls to check out something like Omegamart or even just go camping with friends. I don't know, I just really wanted some time to do... nothing.

And I know that sounds bad. I don't want to be a NEET or a freeter, but I just needed time so stop. I ended the last semester in tears, finishing packing mere hours before it had to go into storage. I couldn't even remember what I brought home. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go back.

But I got home, and not even a full week after classes ended, I was in PHP. I don't even think I managed to unpack before I started. But my mom wanted me to try, so I agreed. I don't think I understood how much time this was going to take up.

Three months. Approximately 90 days. I heard that number a few times but it didn't hit me how much that was until it was over. I don't know what I was thinking, but I guess I thought I would still have some time to myself this summer.

But with a 4 year old sibling, and everybody home all day, I think (not including driving, which doesn't count because I shouldn't zone out then), there was less than 24 waking hours where I was alone. And not just alone in a room, but actually alone enough to relax and let go.

Now I'm in a dorm room (without roommates, thank every god), and while I'm technically alone, I have school. I already have 3+ assignments, and I'm in the mindset that I can't relax until a break.

But even then I'm not sure I can. Because our productions made us work over the summer. And I had to do things as class rep over the summer as well. Even though there was no summer school this year, there was still CLEP, and PDSM and responsibilities that I had to complete.

So I guess in a way, it's nice because if I never stopped school, then I don't have to worry about going back because I never left in the first place.

~~~

But back to the convo from tonight. I was thinking about how school grants me this structure, and so did PHP/IOP. And now I'm thinking about how messed up I'm going to be once I stop going to school. The "real world" without a consistent schedule is going to have me in ruins.

We typed about how we hope our jobs will give us structure, but I said "if productions are any indication... I will be searching for a 9 to 5 [...] because working with these people are shit, and I'm terrified that the rest of the world will be this way too".

And of course, being the friend that they are, they said: "no way [...] how i see it is there’s 8 billion people, not all of them are going to be annoying [school name] students"

And that's true. There are only 13.5k students here right now... But seem to be the luckiest person in that I always seem to find the worst ones.

Because it's not just the people at this school. It's been everyone in my whole life. So now, every time I meet a half-decent person, I'm afraid that it's simply first impressions and they're going to fuck me over. It was in freshman year here, highschool, middle school, and I can think all the way back to elementary instances of people being borderline cruel to me. And while I know I'm no saint, I'd like to think. I didn't deserve what they did to me.

My friend typed back a paragraph with the line "okay, i don’t know what exact advice to offer so plz take it with a grain of salt, except to trust that it does get better".

And I like them, I really do. And I'm genuinely happy that they've built such an amazing community after their shitty freshman year.

But I don't know if I can trust it.

I don't want to sound all negative and "woe is me" and shit, so this is not me complaining (or maybe it is, but this is my journal so fuck it, I can do what I want).

I want to trust that there are better people out there, and there clearly are, because I have you the 3 people I still talk to from high school, and like, 2/3 people here. But just looking at the past and (bringing up something I was told in therapy:) playing the tape forward, I feel like I've been through this before, and I already know how it's going to end.

I want to be hopeful, and I want to be able to work on things I like with people I like (or at least that I can work well with). But I'm just so scared. I literally don't think I could ever say the right words to describe how terrified I am of the future and the unknowns that come with it.

I don't know if I have the skills to interact with people who stress me out in a way that doesn't end with me having another breakdown. I don't know if I have the capacity to interact with strangers who have thoughts about me that I don't know about.

It's not a question of my effort or work ethic or desire (because I don't really have that last one anyways). It's a terrible feeling that no matter what I do, I'm going to run into people that will make life harder for me.

I don't know that I want to do theatre design, or design at all for that matter. I keep saying things when people ask me, or I'll say I'm interested in music videos or film design. I'll lie and say I'm having fun during the process, and I'll tell my family that I want to finish here.

But I just want the diploma. I want the proof, and the validation that I got through it. I want that "key" to open doors that supposedly are locked without a degree. But I'm a theatre major, so it's actually useless. This industry is "all about who you know", and I only know the worst people.

If it were up to me, I think I'd like to disappear. I'd like to stop existing. Not die necessarily, but I'd like to not have to think about the future, or the now, or the anything. I don't want to stop where I am, because then I'll probably miss my family and the few friends I have (and I'd like to think they'd miss me), but if everything stopped existing- if I didn't exist- everything would be so much better. So I guess not so much disappear, but rather not have appeared in the first place. I didn't choose to be born, and if given the choice, I don't think I would have.

~~~

Oh, I did go to the ren faire. It was... "fun", I think I like following my friends around when they seem excited for things. But it was more tiring and I don't think I like just walking around, surrounded by temptations to waste money. But some of the shows were entertaining. And my friends here also want to go so... I guess I'll follow them around soon. I think going once is enough. I don't think I'd ever be compelled to go on my own volition.

Well, it's 12:25a now, I think even if I did have more to type, I'm too tired and my head hurts too much for me to continue.

Oh shit, tired. The sleep study. Next time.

Goodnight.

[noodlesandpanic]

♡ Friday (so far) ♡

Good Afternoon, I made progress already towards getting into Cosmetology school! I got in contact with admissions today and they gave me info for the next start dates, and I submitted my Fafsa! So once it processes in the next few days, I'll be able to go in person and talk to them about the cost after financial aid is applied, and hopefully get registered for the next part time cosmo course which starts on March 14th. I have a feeling it may be full already or heavily waitlisted since it's only a little less than a month away, but I have my fingers crossed that it will find a way to happen for me. Otherwise, the next start date is May 16th, but of course I want to get a move on it now.

I definitely already notice a difference since starting the Latuda. I'm doing just 20mg for the first week to start, then I'll increase to dosage to 40mg. Today will be my 4th day of taking it, and I've quickly released that I need to take it in the evening. It initially makes me tired, and then it reaches it's full effect in the evening (since I've been taking it with breakfast) when I'm trying to prepare to sleep. So while it's nice to actually feel like a human being with a little piece of hope once again, it's also important that I sleep because the last 2 nights, I can't shut my brain off. Other than that though, no negative side effects I'm noticing! It's already helped boost the serotonin in my brain because it was at a definite zero. I'm very very grateful for that, and hope I don't develop any bad side effects as I increase the dosage.

I've also done a lot of cleaning and almost completely finished re-reading "You are a Badass" since starting last night between the physical copy, and listening to the audio book version while cleaning for hours today. Though the title and a lot of the comments she makes are pretty cheesy/somewhat cringe at times, the book overall is wonderful and definitely makes me feel motivated to make big changes in my life. I need a lot of that right now, and lucky for me I have many self help books I've been neglecting both in physical form/on Audible. I'll definitely be diving back into them along with journaling (in my journal at home some, but also on this little blog I've made for myself. I like typing. It feels nice, and I like my cute lil bubblegum pink background with purple text on here.) so that I can't get my mind out of this dark, dark well that I've been trapped in for a long time.

I also plan on going to the gym after a long break to at least do some cardio today. It'll be good for my body and brain chemicals, and sleep tonight I'm sure. Maybe I'll go stay at my boyfriend's house tonight if he's available? Then tomorrow I have a pop up market I'm doing with my sister for her crochet items. I'll also bring my art stickers, in case I can sell a few this time.

♡ I hope you have a good Friday, if you're seeing this ♡

[imjustalittleman]

It was over a shared cup of tea - rare for the Danvers woman who typically preferred straight black coffee - that a knock rang out from the front door. Sam and Alex had been chatting for hours after Alex’s show of vulnerability; about everything and nothing at all. Sam talked about her work and Ruby’s progress in school, while Alex talked about her totally-not-DEO-related lab experiments. Their conversation paused as Sam got up to answer the door. 

Alex could hear faint voices reaching into the kitchen, and the next thing she knew a tired Ruby was walking in, rubbing her eyes to try and keep them open. When she opened them and saw who was sitting in their kitchen, her entire face lit up, “Alex! You're still here!”. Ruby ran up to engulf her in a big hug. 

Alex hugged her back tenderly, chuckling deeply at the little brunette's antics, “Hey Rubes! Of course I'm still here. How could I resist waiting to see my favorite partner in crime?”

Sam, who had been watching fondly, raised a brow at Alex over Ruby’s shoulder. Alex only winked back as she released Ruby to look at her face. “How was your friend's house?” she asked.

“It was so fun! She got this new game for her switch, and we were able to play multiplayer. And then we watched a show we had to catch up on. Oh! And we had pizza for dinner and-”

“And you also studied like you said you were going to?” Sam chimed in, giving her daughter a semi-stern look.

Ruby blinked a few times before smiling sheepishly back, “Totes. That was the first thing we did, mom!”

“Uh-huh, well I'm glad you had a good time, baby,” Sam walked up to Ruby and kissed the top of her head, much to the teen’s chagrin. “Now go up and get ready for bed. You still have school tomorrow, after all.”

Ruby was about to protest, but her words were stifled by a big yawn, essentially rendering whatever she was going to say moot. “Okay…” she said instead. Giving one last quick hug to Alex, she started to walk away, “Bye, Alex!”

Alex smiled, waving as she watched her go, “Goodnight, Ruby.” 

The two adults sat in a comfortable silence as they listened to Ruby's retreating footsteps. Eventually, Alex got up and stretched before picking up both teacups and bringing them to the sink to clean. 

Sam got up from where she was leaning on the table, approaching Alex, “Oh Alex, don't worry about that, I'll-”

Alex raised a hand, gently interrupting Sam, “No please. Let me. It's really the least I could do after I cried my heart out to you unexpectedly.” She refused to mention the fact that it would also allow her to spend that much longer in the cozy home. It was almost uncanny, just how comfortable she felt in Sam’s company.

After all was said and done, Alex and Sam stood just outside the front door, Sam leaning against the frame while enjoying the cool summer night breeze. Alex was momentarily mesmerized by the way Sam’s hair flowed lazily with the wind. She was snapped out of it when she realized Sam was talking.

“It was good to see you, Alex,” Sam said softly. 

Alex fixed the stray hairs blowing in her face to the back of her ears, and then shrugged her hands into her leather jacket’s pockets. “You too, Sam. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. And for listening.” 

“Anytime. Seriously,” Sam pushed off of the door frame to stand in front of Alex, holding her biceps, “Anytime you want to talk, I’m here. You’ll always be welcome here, Alex. Even if it’s just to see Ruby. I’m pretty sure she’s obsessed with you more than even Supergirl,” Sam playfully rolled her eyes and smirked, thinking about her daughter’s earlier persistence in asking about Alex’s next visit or if she could go visit her. She really was Ruby’s favorite person. 

Alex giggled at Sam’s exasperation regarding her daughter. Her heart swelled knowing Ruby enjoyed their time together as much as she did. “Thank you. Again. And the same applies for you, you know. Anytime you want some help with Ruby, or you want to talk, or just want company,”Alex looked into Sam’s eyes and inhaled shakily, not expecting the complex mix of emotions she could see, “I’ll be there.”

They stood there for a few seconds, just looking at each other, before Sam leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Alex's cheek. “I’ll hold you to that,” she whispered in Alex’s ear. “Good night, Agent Badass.”

And just like that, Sam walked back into her home and left Alex alone to feel the heat crawling up her neck. 

“Good night, Sam,” she whispered to the empty space. 

Alex sighed as she rested her forehead against Sam’s. She felt the other woman’s hand on her neck, kneading the back of her scalp. It was a simple comfort, one she often performed on Kara to calm her down when she was panicked, yet the action spoke volumes as she felt her walls crumble all too fast.

Suddenly, the tears she fought to hold back came pouring down like rivers, and the sniffles manifested against her wishes, shocking both Sam and herself. At once, she detached herself from the CFO’s open arms and rubbed at her face roughly, her calloused palms doing little to stop the teardrops from forming.

“I’m sorry, I don’t usually do- usually do this.” She laughed, partly trying to lighten the mood and save herself from embarrassment, but mostly because of just how absurd her lack of control felt.

She doesn’t remember how long it has been since she had a breakdown like this. She was so sure she had gotten to the point in self-discipline where she only cried when she was alone or with her sister. Certainly not in front of a fairly new friend who was too nice to do anything but comfort the woman who just broke out in tears in front of her - because honestly who does that, and why is Alex so inexplicably drawn to her to the point of this just happening out of the blue, and what was she thinking-

Alex was pulled out of her thoughts and into a hug as strong arms wrapped around her. Sam felt the agent tense up at the unexpected contact. She didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but she also felt that a hug was just what she needed. So they stood there for a minute, Sam’s arms around Alex, rubbing her back and stroking her hair, and Alex limply standing there, relaxing into it as the time slowly passed.

“You don’t need to be ashamed or anything. Even badasses like yourself are allowed to show some raw feelings occasionally.” Sam quipped as she pulled back and rested her hands on Alex’s shoulders. She didn’t want to prolong the emotional session for Alex’s sake.

The agent was beyond grateful for this as she chuckled. “Is that so?” she asked, wiping the wetness from her cheeks.

Sam walked over to the small table a few feet away and picked up the tissue box that rested there, holding it out for Alex to take as many as she needed, “Oh yeah. Definitely. It’s in the rulebook for badasses. I’m totally not making this up.”

“Uh-huh. I can tell now where Ruby gets all her dramatics from.” Alex plucked out some tissues and blew her nose with them, smirking at her friend’s antics and the laugh that followed her comment.

Her expression then straightened out, a tactic she used to mask her nerves. “Hey, can you - um - not mention this to anyone? Especially not Kara. She would only get worried and try to pry, and I don’t think I can deal with that right now,” her voice faded out.

Sam had initiated contact again by taking hold of Alex’s bicep and squeezing it gently. Another small comfort.

Alex looked up to her sympathetic grin, “Of course,” Sam paused before continuing, “That’s like rule 105 in the rulebook: ‘Never discuss the tears of a badass lest they give you the explicit permission. That way, no one can mistake them for being a big softy with actual feelings.’” She bumped shoulders playfully with Alex, who outright guffawed at the supposed rule. Sam was happy that she managed to cheer the woman up, and Alex was nothing but thankful for how understanding and caring Sam was.     

[forgetmynamepleasethanks]

can i request a lightner reader who was like spamton and jevil (controlled or manipulated by gaster) and clearly knows about outside the world they live in and makes jokes about it with kris? it could be platonic or romantic (do i like self aware reader? yes, i do) but there’s a plot twist, it’s post-snowgrave route.

"You just don't understand... you can't understand. It's like b-"

"Being frozen? Like a force controlling you to move and even the idea of fighting against it is tiring?"

"...Yeah. How did you know?"

You sat next to Kris with your hand on their shoulder comfortingly. The Autumn wind made the graveyard bench feel glacial. No, you weren't in the graveyard to grieve... yet. By your feet was a wagon holding a violently rattling cage. Kris' soul unwillingly resided inside of it, your foot was holding it in place to keep the rattling noise down. The last thing you wanted was Kris to be more conscious of the tugging, empty sensation that felt even colder than the bench.

"Does it matter? Seems like you've got it a lot worse right now."

"It does. If you know anything about that... thing... you need to tell me how to get rid of it."

You lifted your shoe off of the cage and picked it up, you reached your finger through the bars and poked the little heart inside. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kris flinch.

"Did you feel that?"

"Yeah, it hurt. Is... that bad?"

"Depends. How much damage could they cause in a few weeks?"

"It only to them two to almost kill Berdly. If his parents hadn't realized he was out late he would have died- wait. You're not implying they have to stay that long right?"

"Eh, you'll be fine, just don't wander off. The best thing to do is always have someone around to make sure they don't try anything."

You felt Kris keel against you in pain, they had never kept their soul out this long before.

"Time to wrap things up Kris, we got school off tomorrow 'cause Berdly's in the hospital so I'll spend the night at your place."

You gently opened the cage door and grabbed the softly glowing heart inside, you let it gently float towards Kris before they grabbed it and put it in its 'rightful' place. Kris' expression of pain and fear melted quickly into indifference. 'Kris' then quickly got up to walk away before you grabbed their wrist.

"I think you've done quite enough side quests for one day. We're going back to Kris' house."

'Kris' didn't fight back very hard, if they wanted to they could easily break out of your grasp, but it seems they have at least an ounce of common sense left in them. They know even though you're the only thing standing between them and complete control over Kris if they killed you Kris would do everything to kill them.

"You mean my mom's house?"

"I meant their. Their mom's house. You probably live in your mom's basement."

"I don't get it. Is this an inside joke?"

"Keep pretending to be in control ok? We all know that you're only as strong as your creator let you be.

Before 'Kris' could respond you half walked with them half dragged them out of the cemetery and down the road towards Kris' house. Unlike Kris you weren't as scared of this entity, you understood how dangerous it was but after experiencing what someone who was truly in control acted like you knew that compared to him, this thing was nothing.

Before you could arrive home you were interrupted by Noelle.

"Hey. Do you two know how Berdly is? I'm worried about him."

You weren't sure if she was asking if you knew or if you wanted to know because her dad is in the room right next to his.

"I think he's stable. He should be back in school next week, I heard Undyne is ramping up security now." That last part isn't true, but you wanted to see how 'Kris' would react. They just let out a slow sigh.

"That's good! I feel guilty that I didn't notice he was freezing cold when I tried to wake him up."

"Heh, don't worry you have nothing to feel guilty about. Well see you, we need to get back to Kris' house before their mom gets concerned."

You squeezed Kris' arm in hopes that the real Kris would feel it, you know what it feels like to be controlled, it's not what you would call pleasant by any means. You and 'Kris' walked the rest of the way home in silence, you knew you weren't sleeping tonight, when someone in Kris' situation sleep it makes it a lot easier for their captor to take full control. You were going to stay up and prevent that. When you knocked on Kris' door, Toriel greeted you with a smile.

"Oh! Kris, you didn't tell me you were bringing a friend home with you."

"Well, we just decided when we were walking up the driveway, can I stay the night since we have school off tomorrow?"

"Why of course, come, make yourself comfortable."

You let go of Kris' arm now that you were under the watchful eye of Toriel. You two made your way towards Kris' bedroom, you knew Kris would want to take their soul out again but then it hit you. You forgot the wagon in the cemetery. Before 'Kris' was able to sit down on their bed, you grabbed their arm.

"Come on, turns out you just unlocked one more quest to do."

You knew Toriel would be opposed to you two sneaking off into the darkness after just getting here. Your solution was to wait until she came up with pie and tell her then.

"Kris? I brought pie if you'd like some."

"Thanks, Mrs. Toriel, also, not to be rude but can you keep out of Kris' room for a bit? We're uh... just? Committing crimes? Goin' to jail...?"

"Ohhh. I think I get it, I'll leave you two alone. You two have fun now."

"That's on you to deal with. She got the wronggg picture."

You then climbed out of Kris' window onto their roof, after a bit of a struggle you got 'Kris' out onto the roof as well. The process of getting down was surprisingly easy, you just dropped from the roof to the ground and tried to avoid breaking anything. You two quickly moved around the house avoiding the light of the windows.

"Why are we leaving?"

"I forgot something in the graveyard, I don't think you'll like it that much."

"The cage? Why wouldn't I like that?"

"You can drop the act if you want, pretending to be them isn't gonna stop me."

'Kris' pondered your words as you walked down the street towards the small cemetery. 'Kris' had started to pull against you, it probably wasn't the smartest idea to tell them what was about to happen. You dragged them up to the wagon with great effort, usually you were not insignificantly stronger than Kris, but it seems that 'Kris' added to their strength. You pushed them up to the wagon and waited for the usual routine, Kris would take control of their arm and rip their soul out, then they would hand it to you to put in the cage. However, Kris never came.

"Kris? You're still there right?"

Silence. It seems Kris can't get enough control over their arm. Meaning you had to try something yourself. Carefully you walked up to the cornered 'Kris' and lifted your arm.

"Kris, I know you can hear me, I'm about to do the... uh... thing you do. I hope it's not too painful for you."

You lunged at them, slowly but forcefully ripping into their chest, you were able to hear both of their cries in pain simultaneously. When you finished placing the soul in its cage, you walked back over to Kris, who was still collecting their thoughts.

"Sorry about that, I didn't want to fight with them all the way back to your mom's house."

"I'm glad you did, whenever you show up they get all scared. I guess you're like some sort of boss battle... heh."

You froze for a second, Kris just actually made a joke about their situation? Up until this point anything like that was unheard of, I guess things might be all right after all.

"That's the spirit, now we just need to figure out how to get this whole wagon back in through your window."

No one knows about the intruder Kris deals with other than you, but if someone did they would easily be able to identify which one is in control if you're around. When you walk with fake 'Kris' you drag them by the wrist almost as if you're escorting a prisoner, but when you walk with Kris, you hold their hand, as if to non verbally tell them 'I know this all sucks, but I know your gonna be ok. I promise.'

-----

I hope this was what you had in mind, I'm not sure if I made it long enough but I hope you enjoyed.

[shurisneakers]

a harmless drabble more on the angsty/hurt and comfort side of things? 🥺

a/n: sigh. welcome to chaos week update #2 :)) last one is out this friday and im exhausted pls keep me in your thoughts or send me doughnuts. either works hey, just a shoutout to the anon who has a presentation today. i hope it all goes well :)

warning: lot of swearing, angst, anxiety, self esteem issues, sick bucky, but it gets lighter at the end dw

word count: 8.4k (we established like seven parts ago that these aren’t drabbles anymore)

Previous Part  || Series Masterlist

He probably shouldn’t be even awake right now.

But he was.

With a vengeance.

Over fifty hours of a recon mission paired with the additional stakeout due to people not doing their jobs correctly made sure it was a very long two weeks.

The last stretch had been a bit of an adrenaline rush, a lot of explosions and walking away like a badass even though the combination of heat and leather had him sweating buckets. He hopes that the same high would keep him going for at least another few hours before he crashed for the next three days.

“Buck, you’re gonna be exhausted by the time we reach. Can’t you push it to tomorrow?” Steve tries his level best to reason with him, knowing that Bucky in particular had volunteered for a lot of the mission assignments when others were too tired or occupied to pursue it.

“She’s busy tomorrow. School’s got some dance planning committee happening.” Whatever your inator was, he could punch a hole through it and be done for the day. “It’ll be 20 minutes tops.”

“No point arguing with him, Cap. He’s whipped.” Clint’s kinda delirious. He’s almost fallen over twice already, Bucky’s metal arm being the only thing that stopped it from happening. Maybe Clint’s head deserved to hit the floor a couple of times after that comment.

“Shut up.” He fiddles with the solar system bracelet around his wrist, shoving all the beads to one side before thumbing them back. Not a very convincing argument but the same adrenaline is starting to wear off faster than could conserve. “I’m not.”

“Just go on Tuesday or something. ’s not like you wait for the weekend to see her anymore,” Clint throws in a rebuttal much to his annoyance. “Didn’t you meet her after school that day?”

“She said she was going to hypnotise some birds to go shit on someone.” Fuckin’ Jeff.

“Yeah, but then you walked her home afterwards.”

“It was a part of the negotiation.” A trade off, even.

He wonders if the thread that linked all the beads would ever wear out with how much he played around with it, but so far it showed no signs of giving away.

“Negotiation, date, whatever you wanna call it. The point still stands.”

“It’s your fourth mission this month, bud,” Steve interrupts before Bucky’s glare burns holes into Clint’s face. “You need to relax.”

The quinjet takes a sharp turn and Bucky feels like he’s gonna throw up. Motion sickness was a rarity, only showing up in cases where his body was on the verge of crumbling due to fatigue.

He takes a swig of water, shoving down any signs of distress. “Swear on Barton’s life, I'll take a break after this.”

“Motherfucker, I know you’re lying.” Clint whips around in his seat. “Take it back right now. You’re gonna get me killed.”

“Maybe you deserve it,” Bucky quips back calmly.

“That’s fair.” Clint pauses. “But I’ll take you with me, Jimmy.”

Bucky scowls at the nickname. He absolutely loathes it, which gives this piece of shit all the more reason to use it.

“Can you both shut up?” Nat groans from her seat, doing everyone a favour.

“Whose side are you on, Tasha?” Her blonde and begrudgingly admitted best friend asks.

“Whoever pushes you out of this plane in the next five minutes, Clinton.” She smiles sweetly at him but it drops abruptly. “Steve, just let him go, he’s a big boy now. But you’re finding your own way home, Barnes. I’m not picking you up again.”

She picked him up twice a long time ago and one of them was when you called her over to thank her and return the microchip she got you from the lab.

Back then he knew that the team kept in contact with you occasionally, but not to the point where he had to wait half an hour for Nat to stop telling you about the tech behind her photostatic veils so he could finally go home.

“You guys are great,” Bucky mumbles sarcastically, getting up to go punch in the new coordinates. “Best fuckin’ friends a fella could ask for.”

They still have a long way to go. Bits of conversation takes place, but a two week long mission tends to drain the life out of even enhanced human beings so it’s mostly quiet. The longer he sits idly, the longer the weariness sets in. He could take a walk but he’s not sure he could make an entire lap.

Clint's head droops as he slips in and out of sleep again. Bucky considers letting him hit the cold, hard ground in an act of revenge.

In the end, he sticks his arm out again, pushing him back into his seat.

Steve lowers the jet for him at the street outside your lair, enough for him to jump out and not lie on the ground in pain. Still, it takes him a little longer to stop the dizzying when he lands, before he rolling his shoulders and walks to the door.

The lair’s lit up in shades of yellow and red for a change. Even the pillars with the bubbling liquid were a flaming orange to match whatever theme you had going on.

You were in the smack middle, dressed like a completely authentic firefighter.

“You’re back!” you cheer when he opens the door. You follow it up with a quick clearing of your throat, dropping your voice lower to sound more serious. “You’re back.”

He can’t think of anything to say so he just walks to the middle of the lair, a few feet away from the raised platform. His backpack is still with him, a few grimy and tattered clothes, empty guns inside and other essentials inside. But there’s a separate paper bag that he’s holding in his hand.

“I got you something,” he informs to the best of his ability, holding it up. He wonders if you even heard it, considering how coarse his words had sounded.

“What is it?” You jump down from the platform to meet him midway.

“Open it.” He extends it forward.

He’s a little nervous when you pull out a t-shirt from the bag, ‘I love Philippines’ printed against the plain black, the love represented by a bright red heart.

“You bought me a souvenir.” Your eyes widen when you twist it around to look at the words.

“Yeah.” Could he sit down for a few minutes, maybe? Your chair looks real nice. “There’s some chocolate in there if you want.”

“You’re so cute, oh my God.” You hold it up against you, checking out the fit.

He can feel himself smiling but he isn’t exactly sure if he is.

“Thanks, sarge.” You half consider wearing it right now but you don’t want to ruin it with what you have planned. “I love it.”

Bucky gives you a thumbs up, arm dropping to his side when it takes more energy than it should.

“Did you come here right after a mission?” You notice the beads of perspiration lining his forehead. “Is that why you’re all sweaty?”

He just ‘mhm’s in response. He didn’t even notice how hot he was feeling.

He forces himself to pay attention when your fingers wave in front of his face.

“You okay?” You’re a step closer than he remembers you being a second ago. “You look kinda pale.”

“’m fine.” It feels like gravel scraping against his throat. “What d’ya have planned for today?”

You look entirely unconvinced. “Aren’t you supposed to be hibernating right now?”

“Nah.” Did he land 2 minutes ago or two hours ago? How long has he even been here? “Slept on the jet.”

Accidentally, before snapping awake thirty seconds later when turbulence hit.

“Okay,” you say hesitantly. “If you say so.”

You march back to the platform. He lets the backpack fall to the ground, exhaling in relief at the sudden weight off his shoulder. He walks over to leave it by the wall, well out of the way so that neither of you trip.

You stretch your arms out and declare something about subverting expectations and turning things into water so you could float giant paper boats but he only catches bits and pieces of it. He supposes the subverting expectations had to do with the theme of the lair and your costume.

“Where, uh-” If you had mentioned it and he wasn’t paying attention, this was going to be embarrassing, “-where is this... thing?”

“You’ll have to find it.” You grin. “A little game.”

He blinks rapidly, the words taking some time to register in his brain.

“It’s here somewhere?” He looks around, the bright colours bringing on the early signs of a migraine.

"You will never-" you begin to cackle but pause mid-sentence, "Bucky, are you sure you're fine?"

He nods with a slight wince, beckoning for you to go on. His shoulder pressed against the concrete for support, centring his balance accordingly.

"It’s around here.” You sound more disinterested, instead, eyes trained on him in worry. “But there’s this whole ‘floor is lava’ thing going on, it’s gonna get a little crazy.”

“Ah.” Jesus, had it been over sixty hours since he’d been awake? What fucking day of the week was it?

“Listen, can I get you something? Do you want some water or-”

His legs nearly buckle under him in a flash.

"Can we just take 5?" He slides to the ground along the wall, leaning on his palm to stay upright.

"Shit, Buck." You immediately leap off your platform to get to him. “What’s happening to you?”

“‘m fine,” he groans, trying to push himself up again.

“Clearly you’re not.” You drop to your knees by him to get a picture of what exactly was wrong.

"I have super healing.” He clenches his eyes shut. “I'll be fine, just- just give me a minute."

"You're sick, James.” He can feel your hand press against his forehead, a welcome coolness against the heat. “You're burning up."

Alright. Maybe he isn’t that fine.

“I’m callin’ Hill.” You dig around your firefighter’s outfit for your phone. “This is why we don't see each other until you've gotten some rest, Bucky. We could have just rescheduled.”

His eyes blow open, hand reaching out to grab your wrist. "No, no.”

“What?” you ask, eyebrows furrowing.

He shakes his head. “Don't take me back there. They won't let me go on missions."

"Well, they shouldn't, not if things like this are going to happen," you bite back, finger hovering over the contact.

"Please,” he pleads, "Please. I don’t know how else to make up for it.”

“Make up for what?” Your determination falters.

“Everything.” His eyes close again. “Don’t call them.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” you breathe out. “How do I help you, sweetheart, you gotta tell me.”

You check his temperature again, biting your lip to quell what feels a lot like rising fear because panicking wouldn’t help the situation. His skin burns under yours.

“Just leave your hand there,” he says under his breath. The ground was cold, God, he wanted to lie down. “Feels nice.”

Sleep looks like she’s finally catching up with him, a race that she inevitably always won. She’s a sneaky one.

He doesn’t try to resist this time, letting it consume him.

Something under him is plush, soft. It’s not dissimilar to the seats in the common room.

He can barely rotate his body, every muscle feels like it's on the verge of tearing and fuck, he's barely conscious but he manages to pry his eyes open.

“Easy there, Buck." It's you, even though he's moving in and out of consciousness he can tell it's you.

The room's too bright. The world's too bright. The panic builds in his chest.

"Where am I?" His words come out slurred, eyes squinting painfully.

“My couch," you sound gentle, calming. "You're safe. Go back to sleep."

Okay. He trusts you.

He passes out before his head hits the pillow.

Bucky doesn't dream. He has nightmares, yeah, but those had begun to lessen in frequency after he started working on them a few months ago.

This isn't a nightmare.

It's a dark, navy blue sky, pristine white ground and a mist swirling around with the strong wind. He swears he can feel the cool droplets collecting on every inch of him. He doesn't feel nervous... just strange.

It’s uncharted territory.

There’s not a lot going on otherwise.

He takes a step forward, and another, and another when nothing happens. It’s a slow walk against the low howl of the draft, but it looks like there’s no one around for miles.

He stands still for a second. Lets the world move around him.

He’s alone anyway.

“Bucky.” He jerks awake again, hastily pulled away from the nothingness. “Slow down. Breathe. It’s me.”

“How long have I been out?” he croaks out. It feels like five minutes between since he shut his eyes.

“About two hours.” He hears a clink as you set a tray down on the table beside him. “Sorry for waking you up. Just thought you needed some water.”

He can’t lift his head up. It’s bordering on humiliating. “I can’t-”

“Got you a straw,” you break in gently. “But I’m gonna need you to take these for your fever. You’re still burning up pretty bad.”

Something pokes at the corner of his mouth. He figures you’re holding up the glass for him. The straw’s helpful, and hell, you were right. His throat was absolutely parched and the water sliding down feels like a respite but he can’t get more than a few sips in.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-” he begins in a long series of apologies to come, hoping the throbbing in his head would go away.

“Get some rest, Buck.” You knew that if he started he wouldn’t ever stop. “We’ll talk about this later.”

There’s the sound of a light switch clicking and he’s left in silence for a few seconds.

He should have just gone home. He should have listened.

But he wanted to give you the t-shirt.

He’s been walking for what seemed like hours now.

The inky dark horizon seems endless, the white ground crunches under his feet.

Is this what fever dreams were really like?

Or is this what his normal dreams are like? He can’t really remember the last one he had.

He doesn’t know what he’s headed towards but something in him tells him not to stop. There’s an unspoken destination to get to.

“Where are you going?” A voice asks from around him. No matter how ominous it was, it doesn’t seem to unnerve him.

“‘m not sure,” he admits, his pace not faltering.

It doesn’t ask anything further so he keeps treading.

It’s a minute before something catches his eye. A light appears in the distance. His heart lifts.

Something warm. Inviting.

Fire?

The closer he gets, the clearer it becomes that it is a fireplace. It stands alone out there, several logs of wood accompanying it with an axe leaning against them.

The flame’s dull.

He gets to work.

His forehead feels cool. He thinks that either his dream was had transcended into reality or he’s sweat right through his shirt and condensation was working wonders.

His hand shifts up to wipe at his skin. It comes in contact with cloth instead and it takes him a moment to realise that it was a wet hand towel laid across his forehead.

He hasn’t been like this in years. He sure remembers laying soaked handkerchiefs on Steve a lot when they were boys, nights of flu and stomach bugs keeping Bucky up in palpable fear until his friend’s fever broke in the early hours of the morning. He can’t recall the last time someone had done it for him.

He can hear you tinkering with something in the other room. His senses seemed like they were gradually making a comeback, but along with them came the most excruciating headache.

A small groan escapes him when he tries to flip over, hands flying to his temple to try and relieve some of the pressure. The serum was good most of the time. But for all the epic moments of energy and healing it gave him, the inevitable lows crashed down just as hard.

But a headache was good. If this was the worst he had been feeling all day, then he knew from experience that it was going to be over soon.

“Where does it hurt?” He didn’t even notice that you had stopped building whatever you were, now crouching a few feet away from the couch.

“My fuckin’ head.” He turns over to press his face against the sofa cushion, hoping that the darkness would help in some way.

He can feel your fingers run through his hair, pushing it away from where it stuck to his face. His teeth unclench slightly, just for a second, before another wave hits him.

He begs to go back under.

It’s snow, he realises. The white ground is snow.

“Why don’t you sit down for a while?” it cajoled again. The voice doesn’t have a physical form but he can feel it follow him around like a little friend.

“Can’t.” He’s been hacking away at the wood for too long now, using the bits to keep the flame going, keep it alive before it dies out on him.

“Can’t or won’t?”

He leans against the hilt of the axe, breathing heavily. He’s exhausted.

“Won’t.” His voice is quieter, eyes downcast.

The wind doesn’t give up around him. It hugs him like a blanket, adding to what could easily turn into misery.

“What do you think is going to happen if you keep at this?”

Warmth. Something to break the monotony of the blue around him. Maybe the heat would invite someone to sit with. Redemption.

“I don’t know.” He brings the tool down hard on another block, breaking it into half before he throws it into the fireplace.

“You’re not seeing what you’ve already created,” it points out delicately. “Wait for a second, watch the fire.”

He wipes his brow, taking a step back. His muscles were aching, shortness of breath finally catching up to him.

If it gives up on him, he’d have to work twice as hard.

But the fire continues to crackle, seconds, moments, even minutes later. Just as bright.  

Has it always been?

“Yes, it has.” It reads his mind.

At what point did it stop mattering how much he tried to keep it alive?

“A long time ago.” It didn’t make sense. “So then why are you working so hard towards it when it’s already here?”

Something is kneading on his head. It’s foreign and should definitely set off alarm bells but it's nice. It feels good.

"Hey, B." You’re on a single seat couch adjacent to his, welding gloves on your hand. Do you ever take a break? “You look better.”

"Hi." He reaches up, coming in contact with metal this time. "What's on my head?"

"Synthesised Message Inducer."

A message inducer?

"What messages were you sending me?" Is that why his dream was so fucking weird?

"Well- none," you confess. "I read the label wrong. Turns out it’s a massage inducer. Don't know what evil I can do with that but it’s helpful.”

No wonder.

"You mentioned a headache before you passed out again so I just thought that-" you gesture to it with a flick of your hand. "Is it making you uncomfortable? I wasn't sure-"

"It feels good,” he murmurs, trying his best to straighten up. "Thank you."

“You look less pale.” You smile, although it looks strained. “You hungry?”

“Don’t think so.”

“There’s some Gatorade on the table. Saltines too, if you can stomach it.”

He knows he should eat. His metabolism needs it.

You push yourself off your couch to go sit beside him. He sits up straight, back leaning heavily against the couch when you land next to him.

He takes three out of the bowl of saltines you offer him. Breaking it into little pieces, he pops a few in his mouth, chewing slowly. A quick sip of Gatorade washes it down for momentary satisfaction but he knows it won’t be nearly enough to fill the hunger that will eventually hit him the minute he’s a little healthier. His body’s energy was being entirely spent in fixing him up.

“Steve called, by the way.” Of course, he did. Mother.

“Did you pick up?” He twists the cap back onto the bottle.

“Let it ring all the way through.” You take it from him and leave it on the floor beside the couch, lifting your legs to keep onto the table.

“He’ll call back later.”

“I think it’ll be fun to reject Steve Rogers’ call.”

Oh, it definitely is. Gets him all riled up.

“How you feeling?” You sneak a glance at him.

“Better than this morning.” An hour more and he’d be good to go.

You nod, looking down at your lap. "You scared the shit out of me, you know.”

"I'm sorry." Guilt. It’s guilt that might just eat him alive. “Really.”

“I know what you’re thinking.”  You wave it off. "Don’t. I'm just glad you're okay."

There’s a beat of silence where he’s not quite sure what to say. There’s a certain tension that hangs in the air between you both. He can feel the drowsiness creep on him again.

“But you need to tell the team, James,” you say softly. “You need to talk to someone.”

He doesn’t react too much. He knew it would come up eventually.

Bucky exhales uneasily. “I know.”

“Will you?”

The million-dollar question. He doesn’t want to lie and tell you that he absolutely will because he doesn’t know.

His head cautiously rests on your shoulder. You don’t hesitate for a moment before shifting to make him more comfortable, leaning your cheek on his hair.

“I’m gonna pick up next time Rogers calls.”

“Yeah?”

“Gonna tell him you got held up on our date.” He feels your chest rise and fall with a small laugh. He smiles against your shoulder.

“They’ll get on my ass.”

“You should get bullied, it’s good for character development.”

Some date.

He can’t even stay awake longer than five minutes at a time.

He’s still cutting the wood fervently, throwing blocks upon blocks into the fire to keep it alive, keep him alive.

“You know you don’t have to keep doing this, James,” it’s being a voice of reason but he can’t afford to listen to it. “You’re not gonna find something new that you don’t already have.”

“What do I have?” he asks desperately, planting his feet in the ground, hand gripping the axe tightly.

“You know what.”

He does. “Don’t say it.”

“Accepta-”

“No.”

“That’s going to keep burning.” It’s true. “You’re just going to kill yourself trying to keep it.”

He has to earn it. He has to do something to be worthy of what it was giving him because if it knew the kinds of things he’s done, things he has to make up for- it’d extinguish a long time ago.

“You don’t.”

“I do.” No matter how long he stays still, it shows no sign of flickering.

“The fire’s still alive.” It’s calm despite how frantic he was turning.

“I’m useless here,” he says defeatedly against its insistence. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Maybe you don’t.” It stings. “But maybe you do. Either way, it’s giving it to you, no strings attached.”

He lifts his axe over his shoulder again, ready to bring it down.

“You don’t have to offer a service to have worth.”

He halts, body frozen. His chest constricts almost painfully.

“Sit down for a while,” its command is kind, almost caring. “Let it come to you.”

“Fuck,” it escapes him like a small prayer.

The axe drops to the ground. He shakily takes a seat.

It’s a kitten.

On his chest.

Bucky stares right at it and it unflinchingly stares back.

He’s not really sure if he’s still dreaming or not.

He hesitatingly uses a finger to scratch behind its ear.

“Hello,” he whispers. It leans into his touch, pressing itself against his palm. “Where’d you come from?”

"You're awa- ah, jeez, I'm sorry." You walk into the room, finally changed into an oversized cardigan and out of your lab coat, "She's clingy."

"It's okay." He likes it. “This is your cat?”

“Yeah. Finally, about time you two met.”

He folds his legs to give you space on the couch. You sit next to him, a cup of something warm in your hands. There’s music playing softly through the apartment, tracks definitely from the 80s. He recognises some of them from the playlists Sam had been sending to catch him up.

“You look good as new.” His temperature had gone down a while ago and his headache had subsided after thirty more minutes of sleep and an Aspirin.

“Feel normal.” Praise be to the serum. “Think it’s over.”

“You need some more water?”

“I’m good.” He’s fucking starving, though. “What have you been up to all day?”

“School stuff.” You relax into the seat. “Inators to kick your ass when you’re not unconscious on my couch.”

“Winter Formal prep?” He flinches when the cat digs her claws into his chest but it doesn’t hurt that bad, arching her back before snuggling back.

“Yeah. Turns out I’m chaperoning.” The cynicism in your tone has him believing that maybe it’s not your activity of choice. “Yay.”

“When is it?”

“Pretty soon. The planning committee’s all excited.” You take a sip out of your mug. “I get one day to recuperate.”

Maybe he should leave you alone for the next few weeks. Maybe a month. Possibly forever.

“I’m sorry,” he says for the umpteenth time that day but at least now he’s properly conscious.

“I know you are.” You don’t sound mad at him. “You don’t need to be. What are frenemies for?”

He lingers a little longer on the word, reevaluating what exactly this thing was at this point.

“Plus you brought me a present.” You gesture to yourself and he realises only then that you actually have the shirt on. “That makes it pretty even, I think.”

“You sure?”

You know it’s an unspoken way of asking if you want him to get out and never come back, judging by the way his lip was caged between his teeth.

“Absolutely.” You finish whatever you’re drinking, leaving it on the coffee table. “And you fixed my generator last time you were at the lair so, you know, an eternal debt or something.”

Well, it nearly electrocuted you and him so it’s not like it was a difficult choice to make.

“I think she likes you.” You raise your eyebrows at the cat who had dozed off on his chest a while ago when he wasn’t paying attention. “Traitor.”

“She has good taste.” He didn’t think he was a cat person, having grown up with his neighbour’s dogs and the human equivalent of a spunky Golden Retriever.

“She has terrible taste. Unless she likes me, then she’s basically Gordon Ramsay.”

“You keep telling yourself that.” He retracts his hand back to his side, fully intending not to disturb her. He probably wouldn’t be able to move from that position for the next few hours out of compulsion.

The ease slowly returning to your conversation takes off some of the edge he was feeling.

“Something feels wrong about today.” He stares off to the side, turning his face to the wall.

“Aside from me having to use all my Grey’s Anatomy knowledge on you?” You snicker. “Web MD told me you had Pneumococcal Meningitis.”

“No. I don’t think you’ve said enough bullshit for today.” There’s a certain quota that’s been set.

“I did, you just weren’t awake to hear any of it.” There’s a smile on your face finally and the relief he feels is immeasurable. “Told you all my hopes and dreams.”

“Yeah?” He raises an eyebrow, head inclined ever so slightly to look at you. “What’d that include?”

“To start, I’d like a pony.” You pull your knees up to your chest, circling your arms around it. “Then a private island.”

“You’re startin’ small.” The corner of his lip tugs upwards. “Real humble.”

“You know me, queen of humility and all that.” You brush his comment aside. “But you know what‘s actually wrong?”

He hums in curiosity.

“I haven’t hit on you all day.”

Ah.

“‘M sure it’s hurtin’ pretty bad,” he says in amusement.

“You have no idea.” You sigh loudly. “How else will you know about my undying love for you?”

“Get it out of your system then.” Months ago he wouldn’t have even dreamed of encouraging this behaviour, but here he was.

“Don’t think you can handle it, buddy,” you tease, eyes crinkling.

“Why, because I have a fever?” He smiles playfully. “Just means I’m hotter than usual.”

You press your lips into a straight line to avoid smiling back. “Mr Barnes, are you flirting with yourself?”

“So what if I am?”

“That’s my job, sir.” You huff. “You gonna have me unemployed now?”

Begrudgingly, he thinks you do your job very well, so no, he’s probably not going to.

He shakes his head slowly instead, stopping when he feels the movement send a shot of pain up his neck. Certainly slept the wrong way.

There’s a faint spell of victory on your face. “You hungry? Been a while since you ate anything.”

“Kinda.” His stomach lining was going to digest itself but he’d never tell you that.

You’re about to open your mouth and tell him that he was a wholeass snack and you were starving when the front door’s doorknob jiggles.

The key turns, finally pushing open and accompanied by a voice that can only be described as peeved.

“Y/N, did you forget the fuckin- oh mother of God.” Some guy covers his eyes instantly, retracting back to the doorway. “You coulda warned me you had a guy here. Is he clothed?”

“Unfortunately, he is.”

“Sir, are you clothed?” he asks aloud instead, ignoring your cry of betrayal.

“Uh, yeah.” Bucky clears his throat awkwardly. “I am.”

“You have no faith in me, Jake,” you grumble, not even meeting his gaze in greeting.

“Fuck off, Y/N,” he replies like it’s a habit, peeking through his fingers to look at who was in the living room.

Oh, this was Jake. Roommate Jake that you’ve mentioned to him a few times before, mostly in complaints.

Roommate Jake’s eyes squint in an effort to discern who was on the couch.

“Anyway come meet-”

“I see.” Recognition finally settles on his face, paving way for immediate displeasure.

“This is Sergeant Ba-”

“I know who he is,” he says dryly. “Why is there a superhero in our apartment? Nice to meet you, by the way.”

Bucky simply waves in acknowledgement, feeling pretty helpless. He tries to sit up straight but the cat simply latches onto him, dragging herself further up his chest and settling there.

“We’re having a sleepover.” You nudge Bucky’s knee with your elbow. “We just did each other’s nails. Do you wanna join?”

“I’ll pass, thanks,” he retorts curtly. “I’m gonna go change. Make sure we still have a home by the time I return.”

Oof.

“Left you some pasta in the microwave,” you call out, face scrunched in anticipation.

Jake stops down the hall. “You didn’t do the laundry today, did you?”

“The pasta is really good,” you say alternatively.

“Again, fuck you,” he reiterates before a door opens and closes. “I’m gonna have you evicted.”

There’s a stupidly big grin on your face when you turn back to Bucky. “I was just fuckin’ with him, I did the laundry.”

“He hates me,” Bucky states, pulling you out of your self-induced haze of pettiness.

“Ah ah, correction; he doesn’t hate you,” you emphasise, wagging a finger. “He hates all of you. The entire team.”

Bucky’s nose crinkles.

“Don’t look so confused, I warned you about this a while ago.”

He vaguely remembers you telling him to come find out the reason.

“Why?” If it was an anti-superhero agenda, it wouldn’t be the first time Bucky had encountered one of them.

“He has one of the worst jobs in the city.” You smirk. “He works in insurance.”

Oh.

“Every time aliens destroy New York, he works overtime.”

Oh.

“‘Hi, thank you so much for calling Gold Star Insurance, how may I help you? Oh, Shmulk used your car as a landing pad?’' you mimic, hand pressed to your ear like a phone. “‘Yes, we can set you up with a claim. Lemme just transfer you real quick to-’”

“I don’t sound like that.” Jake’s voice carries over from the kitchen.

“No one said this was you,” you fire back, rolling your eyes. “God, Jake, the world doesn’t revolve around you.”

“It will once I change the locks on all our doors, Y/N.” His voice is muffled as he opens the fridge, burrowing his head inside. “Did you finish my fucking yoghurt?”

It’s like your ears perk up the way you whirl around to the direction he was. “Admit you ate my cereal, bitch.”

“I don’t even like your shitty cereal,” he shouts back, shutting the fridge door. “You ate my damn yoghurt. I’m adding it to your rent for this month.”

“Fuck your yoghurt.” You sound a little too proud for someone who supposedly didn’t have anything to do with it.

There’s silence until he pokes around the corner, phone in his hand.

“Did you eat dinner?” Jake asks normally.

“No. You ordering?” The way your tone shifts almost gives Bucky whiplash.

“Yeah. Pizza?”

“Sounds good. I’ll pay.”

“Nah, I got it. You paid last time.” He punches in the number. “Sergeant Barnes, would you like some pizza?”

“No, I-” He’s well overstayed his welcome. He probably has a few therapist appointments to make, a few missions to cancel from his schedule.

“Yes, he would,” you interrupt. “Order another large please, Jakey.”

“Cool.” He walks away, speaking into the phone.

“Get dessert,” you yell after him.

He shouts a muffled agreement back.

“Hope you like pepperoni.” You return your attention to Bucky. “That’s his default for people he doesn’t know.”

“Uh, yeah.” He doesn’t quite know what to say after all that. “He seems nice.”

“He’s an asshole.” Your eyes shine in excitement. “I love him.”

The cat paws at his chest, demanding the attention Bucky hadn’t been giving her all this while. He scratches her back again before she goes back to sleep.

“Sergeant Barnes, are you injured?” Jake walks back into the room. “Did one of her dumb machines do this?”

“He’s fine.” You shoot a look towards Bucky who nods in confirmation. “And my machines aren’t dumb, they’re stupid.”

"Is he going to die on our couch?" Jake turns to him. "Are you going to die on our couch?"

"No, he isn't," you say, a tick of annoyance in your voice.

“I really am fine,” Bucky adds on, switching between you and him.

"We could get court-martialed, you know."

"We'll just go on the run." Your eyes shine. "You and me, living it up as criminals. We'll even bring Fondant."

He looks at you in disdain. "We're taking the cat with us?"

"You love her, shut up."

“She sheds everywhere.”

"Your cat's name is Fondant?" Bucky dares to speak up in the middle of whatever this was.

"Among others." Jake sighs. "It was Vaseline this morning, Daisy yesterday and probably will be something stupid like Q-Tip tonight."

You let out an ‘ooh’ in excitement. "Q-Tip is a good one, Jake."

"That was an insult, not a suggestion," he shoots back. "You can't even decide on a name."

"You call her Airpod.”

“She’s small and white and I can never find her anywhere.”

“That's the worst name. What if I went around calling you Shit Stain, huh? Because that’s what you are,” you accuse, adoration highlighting your face when you look at her. "We need a good name, something worthy of her."

"Sergeant Barnes, since you're here would you like to weigh in on the situation?"

Not really. But he's starting to take a liking towards the little thing that was fast asleep on his chest. 

“You can just call me Bucky,” he says instead, figuring that since he was crashing on your shared couch, Jake could at least get nickname privileges.

“You know what, you’re right,” you start, ignoring his white flag. “Bucko here should pick a name.”

“Uh-” Bucky didn’t know this was still the topic of discussion, considering how fast the both of you had been bickering back and forth.

“Stop pestering him,” Jake carped.

“Let him speak, bro, holy shit,” you exclaim, throwing your hand up in a ‘what the hell?’.

“Like you’re going to actually use it. Don’t get his hopes up too high.”

“Maybe I will.” You scowl at Jake, giving Bucky a smile. “No pressure sarge, it can’t be worse than Airpod.”

It can if Bucky tries hard enough.

Jake was right, though, it is tiny and white. Snowball was too common, Frostbite was too violent and you had already used Daisy once-

“How about Alpine?” He scratches under its chin. She turns her head up in contentment.

“Alpine,” you test how it feels on your tongue. “Alpine.”

“It can be something else, I don’t know-”

“I like it.” Something about it feels right. “I really do.”

“A normal fucking name. Hallelujah.” Jake crosses his arms across his chest. “If you change it now I’m getting a dog.”

“Nice one, sarge.” You pet her back, grinning when she leans into you.

“Glad to be of service.” Your fingers brush against his for a second and he freezes. He doesn’t even think you notice the mini contact, already busy in firing off a new insult at your roommate.

“Sergeant Barnes, in case you need to kill her at any point, I can tell you her schedule.” Jake glares at you.

“He already has my schedule, so you can eat shit.” You flip him off. “He and I are besties.”

Bucky still has the certificate you mailed him about your promotion from strangers to best friends. It was definitely tacky, but he appreciated the gift card you sent along with it.

An hour later he’s stuffed with so many carbs, his mother would be proud. His diet doesn’t usually consist of copious amounts of pizza but fuck it, he probably needs the energy for the lecture he was going to receive later on.

His lips taste like strawberries from the chapstick you forced him to use, his hair tied back in a little bun because the cat wouldn’t stop playing with it and he’s about halfway through listening to a conversation about why insurance workers had it harder than lawyers while living in a city full of superheroes.

“They get to sit up there in their fancy little air-conditioned rooms but we’re doing all the groundwork,“ Jake rants, eyes still trained on the rerun of an old football match playing on the TV.

“Right,” Bucky acknowledges. It’s not like he has any say in this, he wasn’t the one cleaning up the mess. He had spent his fair share of hours helping cleaners clear up debris and discarded alien rubble from Avengers battlegrounds but he certainly should start investing more time into it. 

“And don’t even get me started on the fuckin’ landlords-”

“Is he still talking?” you interject, rounding the corner from your visit to the kitchen to get some water.

“I’m sorry I’m more interesting than you,” he shoots back without a break. “Anyway, as I was saying-”

You had a glass in one hand Bucky’s phone in the other, a constant stream of buzzing drawing his attention to it. He already knew what it was. 

“Shut up for once in your life, Jake. Bucky, catch.” You toss his phone at him and he catches it with one hand. “Your phone’s been blowing up Mr. Steal Your Girl. Who are you cheating on me with?”

He unlocks it to find his notifications drowned by a series of texts. He ignores the ones from Steve and Sam’s number is still blocked, so that leaves him with only one option.

From Clint

steve’s trying to convince sam to send redwing after you lol

From Clint

i told him he should check in with every morgue in the city

From Clint

ok he spent half an hour doing it lmao where are you

From Clint

if you’re alive can you get me some pringles on the way home

From Clint

sour cream and onion

From Clint

nat told me i shouldn’t have said that. my bad.

From Clint

*when you’re alive can you get me some pringles on the way home

From Bucky

no

From Clint

i’m telling steve you died on a bridge

Bucky locks his phone again, shoving it into his pocket. “I think I should go.”

“Aw, already? You can take Jake’s bedroom if you want,” you offer earnestly. “He can sleep on the asphalt.”

“We have a guest bedroom.” Jake rolls his eyes. “And you can stay over if you need to, Sergeant.”

“Nah, I think Steve might end up here soon if I don’t let him know I’m alright.” The man needed to get laid. It had been too long.

“Well, why don’t you just tell him you’re fine?” Jake is logical, his suggestion reasonable.

Bucky stops to really think about his answer for a moment. 

“It’s funnier.”

Bucky tries to lift Alpine off his lap and onto the couch so she can continue her nap. She opens her eyes briefly before arching her back and jumping off him without so much as a second glance back. Is this what feeling used is like?

“It was nice meeting you.” Your roommate holds out his hand and Bucky takes it firmly, shaking it and responding in kind. “You should visit again. Could use some reinforcements against this crackhead.”

“No one likes you,” you respond, handing Bucky his backpack. “Go add some numbers or cry in a corner or something.”

Jake sends a middle finger and a sarcastic smile your way before disappearing into the kitchen to get the garbage bags.

“Can’t keep America’s Golden Boy waiting.” You hand Bucky his backpack on the way out. 

“He’s anything but America’s Boy.” Bucky scoffs, opening the door and stepping out, “Punk’s broken just about every law under the sun. Not exactly patriotic of him.”

“A rebel with a cause.” A lightbulb goes off in your head. “I know someone who might like that.”

“You’re plannin’ on setting Steve up?” It was probably about damn time. “Good luck.”

“He’s gonna need it, not me.” Your lips upturn in a smirk. “Speaking of your teammates, who’s picking you up?”

“I’ll probably walk.” He inhales deeply, lips pressing inward in a line. “Could use some air.”

“Are you serious?”

He looks at you quizzically. “Yeah.”

“All you superheroes and your lone wolf complexes,” you say under your breath, digging around your cardigan pocket for something.

You ask for his hand. He gives it to you, slightly confused.

“You’re crazy if you think you’re walking home after all that.” You tug his metal arm up slightly to get a better grip on it. 

When your eyes fall on the galaxy bracelet he still has around his wrist, your gaze softens almost immediately. “You kept this?”

Bucky clears his throat, feeling the heat creep into his face. “Steve’s not the only one who needs luck.”

“Sure isn’t,” you agree, moving the bracelet down gently before snapping a new contraption around his hand.

It’s designed to look like a digital watch but he knows exactly what it is.

“Thought you never made two of the same thing.” He stares at the teleportation device that fits snugly around his wrist.

“Yeah, well, your clone getting kidnapped can really change a person,” you murmur. “Made two after the whole thing just in case, but you should have it.”

“Y/N-” he begins, ready to argue.

“I want you to have it,” you interrupt. “Could be helpful on missions. Late night booty calls too, makes the commute less.”

Like he was getting a ton of those on a regular basis.

“I’ll return it next weekend,” he promises, clutching his backpack a little tighter.

“No, you won’t.” You shake your head. “This store doesn’t accept returns.”

He opens his mouth to argue.

“If anything comes out of there that isn’t ‘Y/N you’re the love of my life, please be my girlfriend’, don't even bother,” you warn seriously. 

He shuts his mouth again.

You weren’t going to let him have his way, your stubbornness taking the front seat. It’s slightly infuriating, but he supposes that came with the gig. 

“Thank you,” he says, voice quiet, “for everything.”

“Don’t mention it,” you make a callback to what he said to you months ago. “You glued popsicle sticks together for three hours, ‘tis the least I could do.”

“Still.”

You can tell it’s something he isn’t used to doing, judging by how serious he was. 

“Don’t go all soft on me, Barnes.” You punch his shoulder playfully. “Could even say it’s an evil scheme in itself, making sure your frenemy is fine enough to get their ass handed to them next time.”

“Friends.”

“What?” you ask, not sure if you heard him right.

“We’re friends,” he repeats.

It shouldn’t make your stomach flutter but it does and it’s despicable. 

“Give me two more weeks and we’ll add ‘with benefits’ as a suffix.” Using humour as a way to cope with the sudden surge of your heartbeat maybe isn’t the best way to go about things.

“It’s gonna take a lot longer than that.” He counters, buckling the strap of his backpack across his sternum.

“But you’re not denying that it can happen.” A grin spreads across your face. “It’s just gonna take some time.”

He stops his movements, hand still on the watch as he adjusts the coordinates. “Sure. Whatever you say.”

“Bucky Barnes, you are playing hard to get.” You laugh and he smiles wide and free.

“You gotta put in the work.” Not much, judging by the way he’s looking at you.

“I will wear you down someday,” you swear. “You will admit that you have feelings for me.”

He purses his lips out in contemplation. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” You snort. “Get home safe. And get some sleep.”

“Bye Y/N.” He takes a moment longer to linger on you before pressing down on the watch, blipping out of your view.

You let out an exhale, eyes dropping to the area he was standing just a minute ago.

What a day.

“He your boyfriend?” Jake asks, handing you a bag as you shut the door behind you.

“What? No,” you mumble to yourself, arms crossed over your chest.

“I know you. You don’t just give your inventions away to just anyone,” he continues even when you push past him, “and you especially don’t make stuff twice for them unless they’re Director Fury.”

“I didn’t make that watch for him.” You couldn’t exactly hand out freeze rays and air bending tools to random people. They’d have to have insight into what you were doing in the first place and the only people from your citizen life were T and Jake.

“You’re a terrible liar.” He scoffs. “I saw the blueprint on the table. You built that shit today.”

“They just happened to be there.” You pick up a pizza box, shoving it into the trash. “I was editing a prototype.”

“Y/N, I love you occasionally but you’re full of shit.”

“Beginning to doubt the first part, J.” You hand him the used glasses to take to the sink.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never built him anything before this.”

You spin on your heel to face him, staring him straight in the eye.

He waits. Your mouth opens to say something before closing it again.

“Your face is ugly.” You press the bag full of garbage into his hand. “Why do you even care so much?”

“Because I’m one of your only two friends, you loser.”

“I have more than two friends.” You huff. “Alpine.”

“Alpine is a cat.”

“Alpine is my best friend and I love her.”

“She is a cat,” he repeats. “Listen- shut up, that cat doesn’t love you- I don’t want anything to happen to you. Your life is fucking weird as it is, just wanna make sure his heart’s in the right place.”

You had already been kinda kidnapped once, what’s the worst that could happen?

You don’t tell Jake that, though. He’d send out a search group the next time you were late.

“He’s good.” You sigh, hand resting on your hip. “And nothing’s going on between us anyway so you got nothing to worry about.”

“Like you don’t have the biggest crush on him.” He swings the bag over his shoulder. “Just because I just choose to ignore you on purpose doesn’t mean I’m ignorant.”

“Yeah, well, I have a crush on someone new every week so your point is invalid.” You put your hands on your waist. “Stop being so mean to me or else I’ll fall in love with you too.”

“God, no. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of.” His face twists in disgust as he exits the room. 

“You’re comin’ with me, boy,” you reminded him. “Alpine too.”

“Just for the record,” Jake’s voice resonates through the apartment, “I probably hate him the least out of all of them.”

You let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I figured.”

all proceeds to my ko-fi go towards me trying to get a life or at least some doughnuts <3 (and fix my really fucked up phone)

requests used in this chapter 

Next part

[animatedrapture]

"FLIRT"

pairing: suna rintarou x reader.

tags: fluff. pining. suna isn't fair, he treats you exactly how he knows you'll fall for him with little to no effort. atsumu and osamu are mentioned. wc: like, 600+

rintarou doesn't flirt.

not in the conventional ways, at least.

rintarou doesn't have to try hard—and it's infuriating even for the famed miya twins; because while they had fangirls, rintarou had admirers falling at his feet.

no, it wasn't the same, atsumu had insisted.

atsumu continued, because suna had girls confessing to him left and right not just because he was popular in the same sense that they—the miya's—were.

rintarou cuts him off with a cock of an eyebrow. as if to challenge atsumu's implication of that statement.

atsumu, on the other hand, is quick to defend himself, saying he wasn't done speaking and that he didn't mean it like that. so he continues his interrupted monologue, but because suna's admirers thought suna charming beyond his skills and beyond his popularity for it. atsumu grumbled further, that out of the many fangirls they had, there was a one in a hundred chance that one of them truly liked them for them—not at the idea of them.

while atsumu complained, on and on that rintarou had stopped even pretending to listen, he ponders if it was worth thinking about.

it wasn't, rintarou nods slightly at himself, then proceeds to eat his lunch.

"—like Y/N!" atsumu exclaims so loudly, even osamu felt embarrassed.

"what about her?" rintarou asks, attention finally caught.

the grin that spreads over atsumu's face doesn't miss a beat. "she's so weak at the knees for ya," he claims, brown eyes gleaming just enough for rintarou to narrow at them.

"yeah? what about it?"

atsumu doesn't hold back the scoff he lets out. typical rintarou, always so casual—so nonchalant—that it's hard to tease him. "yer pretty close with her already, no? are you official yet?"

rintarou only hums. it's non-committal, neither a denial nor confirmation of the question.

atsumu continues to grumble.

+

the answer, in reality, was just as non-committal.

rintarou likes you flustered, likes you squirming under his stare. so that's exactly what he makes you do, exactly how he makes you feel every chance he gets.

you're an open book—so easy to read, it's endearing. when you look at him, you look at him with unmatched sincerity in your eyes that he's almost baffled.

you have him hooked, but he isn't too keen on letting you know that.

that's why when rintarou flirts, he doesn't do it in the most conventional, most obvious of ways.

he'll tease you almost like he's a bully—smug smirk always resting on his pretty pink lips; when he speaks, he never does dare look at anywhere but right back at you.

he talks to you in a way that leaves you breathless, because he likes you like this.

when he walks you in front of the school to bid you goodbye just before their practice, he leans in close to you—just enough for your breath to hitch—then he tells you, "you'll take care of yourself for me, yeah?"

and you do. of course you do.

when rintarou catches you awake past midnight, he's quick on his hands.

Go to sleep. the message would read from him, with a period, leaving no room for arguments.

bold enough, though clichéd, you type out your answer to him: make me.

and like he has you mapped out, the response is immediate, Behave for me, hm? the message would read, and that's all it takes for you to listen.

goodnight, rintarou, you'd reply—but because you're jittery and flushed at the cheeks, heart thumping against your chest, you continue, i'll see you tomorrow?

it's pathetic. only because you're sure he can tell just how eager you are—how hopeful, how you're so obviously pining after him.

and with a few seconds to pass, comes his response. Mhm. Goodnight.

it's so little, so simple. somehow, still, he has your mind racing over a few words.

he leaves you with a sigh, even when he's not physically there. you let yourself fall asleep wondering how it would feel like to have his arms wrapped around your waist; if it's even a luxury the world could grant you.

and while it sounds like a loud, resounding no. you let yourself pretend it's possible, even just to lull you asleep.

[non-binaryzombie]

𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔠𝔨

Summary: Jake is a little bit obsessed with you, he needs to know more about you, going beyond what you show on the internet, but his biggest problem now is making you understand that he owns you, and that no one is taking you away from him.

Characters: Jake x reader (a little bit of Darkness too cuz, you know that I love him)

Warnings: Yandere Jake, stalking, possessiveness, lovesick, obsession, not exactly a happy ending, angst, language, use of straw (sorry turtles)

Word count: 2672

A/N: Here it is! I hope you don't hate me for it, I changed the name to fit more with the story, but the context is the same :)

(Most of my pics/gifs come from Pinterest, if I use a photo that belongs to you and you don't like it, please contact me and we'll take care of it)

Fascinating, that's the word Jake would use to describe you if he had to, he could spend hours trying to decipher you, trying to understand how are you able to like him without even seeing his face, without even knowing who he really was? You just know what he allows you to, but you've never been nosy, if you ask something to him and he says that he can't tell you, you just put it aside, not wanting to bother; and that's one of the things he most admires in you, the fact that you're so curious and yet, when he doesn't want to tell you something, you just try to let it go, making a mental note about the things you shouldn't ask, at least not over the phone.

Ever since you helped Jake to find Hannah, he've been more and more interested in you, how did you manage to help him to find his half-sister, and at the same time made him fall in love with you? Something he never thought would happen, suddenly from a time to another, he saw himself in love with someone who he thought be just someone that would help him to find his sister, just a means to an end.

But now, here he is, watching you from the window of the café you're in, he knows that he shouldn't, what would you think if you found out that he've been following you? He is pretty sure that 'happiness' would not be the right feeling, but he had no choice, he wanted- no, he needed to know more about you, and this time the internet wouldn't help him, for some reason you're really reserved, unlikely the most people at your age, you have social medias, of course but you rarely post something about yourself at them, the most interesting thing that the hacker could find about you was your school records and not surprisingly your track record is perfect, you never got bad grades, you never got into trouble, you are simply flawless. It makes him question, it's impossible for someone to be so perfect, you're sweet, kind, innocent and you always want the best for everyone no matter how bad someone has done you; you always forgive them. But you have flaws, everyone has, and that's what he's trying to find out, what are you hiding from everyone? And how are you so good at hiding it?

His blue eyes getting darker when he sees you hugging a man, who is he? And why do you look so happy to see him? You two talk a little before sitting down in one of the tables close to the window, the waitress soon come and both of you place your orders. The black-hair boy on the outside quickly grab his phone, sending you a message, just a 'Hi Y/N :)' waiting to see if you're going to answer him, he sees you pick up the phone and look at it for a few seconds before putting it back in your your pocket, did you just ignore his message? Okay, now he has no other choice then go inside.

And there he goes, entering the place and thankfully he could seat somewhere that you couldn't see you, but he could listen to everything, pretending to be doing something important on the phone. He orders a black coffee, nothing more. Soon you and the tall man started to talk while he paid attention to every single word.

"I am glad that we were able to meet, Y/N" he says with a grin on his face

"Wow, you really talk like this even in person, I thought that it was just you way to text" a giggle escaped your lips

"What do you mean?" he tilted his head

"You just, talk like you are in a really important dinner with the queen" you say resting your cheek against your hand while looking at him

"I think I never stopped to notice the way I speak, is this a nuisance for you?" he asked and you quickly shacked your hands

"Oh, no! That's not what I meant, I happen to like it, actually" he looked relieved

"You are really observant aren't you?" you smiled

"You'd be surprised how many times I've heard this" the girl came back with your orders and you thanked her with a gentle smile

"So, I haven't seen you in the forum lately" he took a sip of his latte

"Of course you've noticed" you giggle playing with your milkshake straw "I should have predicted" he let out a light laugh through his nose

"Is there a especial reason for that?"

"Well if I am being honest, lately I have been too tired to even scroll through the forum" you looked down playing with your fingers on the table

"It’s okay, you don't have to talk if you don't want to" he said putting his hand next to yours

"No, it’s just-" a sight left your mouth "Do you ever feel that everything around you is slowly becoming tiresome? How if the slightest effort to follow your routine makes you tired?" he nodded, you are not sure if he really understands you, or if he is just trying to make you feel better, but you continue "But for a few seconds, something makes you step out of your comfort zone, makes you hope again, but then it ends and everything becomes monotonous and boring again" you didn't even realized that your fingers are now entwined with his, you feel your face turn red and quickly let go of his hand "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you" the hand that was holding his is now between your legs pressed against the soft upholstery of the seat you are on, and the other on the straw of your milkshake bringing it to your mouth.

"You don't have to apologize, Y/N, it’s okay you know that you can trust me" he said straightening his posture

"Yeah, I know, Dark, and I thank you for that, but I don't really want to bother you with this, we're here to have a good time" you smiled, and he nodded

"Let's chance the topic then. How about the guy you told me about? Are you two a couple?" you felt your face turn red again

"Jake? Well, not exactly, it's complicated" 'Not exactly? Of course, we are a couple' the hacker thought with himself

"Complicated?" Darkness asked encouraged you to continue

"Hum, none of us really made a official dating request, y'know?" Jake never thought about it that way, he really has to put a ring in your finger for you to know that you are his?

"But you like him, don't you?" he looked straight into your eyes, like he was trying to guess what was happening in your head

"Yeah, we haven't said 'I love you' yet, but, I really like him, and I think that he likes me too, it's just..." you paused lettings out a sigh "He is not really good at showing how he feels, he is not good at talking at all" you giggle

"Then why don't you take the first step?" he asked confused

"I'm afraid of being rejected." the man sitting in front of you looked surprised, so did the one sitting behind you

"Why would he reject you? You are amazing, anyone would be lucky to have you." a shy smile appears on your lips

"I just, don't think he has time for a relationship, he's constantly busy and moving, because of work" you completed

"Well, this is really a misfortune, but you know I'll always be here for you, don't you?" he said picking your hand

"Yes, I know, and I can say the same to you" he gave you a smirk "Why are your hands so big?" he laughed

"You really know how to change the subject very quickly don't you?" you smiled at him.

The man sitting in the table behind you got up putting the money on the table and got out of the café as fast as he entered, what made him bump into someone that he quickly ignored making his way back to the motel he was staying at, he was angry, how dare this random guy even touch you? Say that he's going to be there for you, you don't need anyone else, you have him, you may don't know it, but you are his, he always makes time to talk to you, and now you say that it’s not enough? You even dare to consider that he's going to reject you? What more he needs to do for you to be sure that he wants a relationship with you? When he finally arrived at his room, he slammed the door shut, sitting in front of the computer, trying to calm down, breathing heavy. He knows exactly what he must do for you to know that you belong to him.

You threw yourself on the bed, with a smile on your face, the day with Darkness was better than you expected, he is not all serious personally, or you just have the ability of making him less keyed up, your phone buzzed on your pocket and you grab it quickly not so surprising it was Jessy 'Hey, how was your little date?' you giggled after answering her 'Not a date Jessy, but it was really good to be honest' Jessy was incredibly supportive when you said you were going to meet your forum-friend 'I'll want to hear everything about it tomorrow' ' Don't worry, I'll tell you everything'. Soon you remembered that Jake texted you early and dialed his number wondering whether or not to call him, you bite your bottom lip before working up your courage, clicking the green button and bringing the cell phone to your ear, settling down on the bed, you start to wonder if this is a good idea right away thinking about just hanging up and pretending it was an accident, but as soon as the call is answered you feel your body tense up.

"Hum, hi" you say shyly "Sorry I haven't texted you earlier, I was kinda busy"

"It's okay" his deep voice make your whole-body shiver "How are you?" he asked

"I'm good, how about you?" why do you feel so awkward?

"Good" he says and keeps silent 'god, why is it so hard?' you thought while trying to think something to say

"I-" you are interrupted by his voice

"What were you doing?" he asked, and you frowned your eyebrows

"What?"

"You said you were busy, what with?" you blinked a few time before answering him

"I went out with a friend" you said and heard a 'hum' coming from him on the other side of the phone "Are you mad?" you asked apprehensively

"Why would I be?" his voice makes you feel butterflies in your stomach

"I don't know, we haven't talked the whole day, and you seem, rough" he sighed

"It wasn't my intention, I’m sorry"

"Don't worry" you heard someone knock at the door

“Oh, wait a minute there’s someone at the door” you said getting up, and walking towards the noise opening it, just to see a black hair boy standing there, with his phone on his ear

"okay" he said before giving you a little smile, your eyes widened and you felt your body freeze

"Jake?" you ask and he nods, that's all that he needs to do to see you quickly hug him tight, he looked a little surprised but then he just wrap his arms around you, feeling the good smell of your hair, you two stayed there for a while hugging in the doorway.

When you finally looked up at him your eyes were full of teas, happiness tears, but that didn't stop Jake of push the tears away

"What are you doing here? I thought you were with Lilly" you said pulling him inside and closing the door

"I've come to see you" he said looking at you

"You could have warned me, you know, I would have at least organized this a little bit" you say scratching the back of your neck shyly

"Then it wouldn't be a surprise" he says putting his backpack on the sofa "And it's not that messy at all" you two sat on the bed, your face is so red it looks like you're going to explode

"I have something for you" he says taking a little box of his pocket, opening it and revealing two rings your eyes widen and you quickly look up at him

"Are you serious?" you ask and he nods

"So, what do you say?" he smiles

"Jake, I-I don't know..." his smile disappeared and he looked at you confused

"What?" that's what you wanted a ring, an official request, wasn't it? Then why are you rejecting him?

"It's just- I like you, I really do!" you say as you see his reaction

"Then why don't you want to be with me?" he looks sad

"That's not what I said, I mean, you're wanted Jake, by FBI and by another hackers, I know that there's a lot of things that you don't tell me, I know that you're just trying to protect me but, I can't keep in the dark just trusting that you are doing the right thing" no, he's not sad, he's angry, he closed the box tightly, making you flinch

"Okay, look I don't need a fucking ring to prove that we are together, I just bought it because that's what you wanted, you are mine, and I don't care who the fuck is coming after me, I won't let anyone be on our way, you don't have to worry about it" you blinked a few times trying to process what he just said, he sighed putting his hand on your cheek "I love you, Y/N" he smiled again

"I'm not a pet, Jake, you don't own me" you took his hand off

"I think you should leave now" you said looking away

"I won't leave you" he said firmly

"Are you even listening to yourself?!" you said getting up "This is not love, Jake" he got up standing in front of you, the difference between your highs makes you feel intimidated

"I am lovesick, Y/N, can you blame me?" he says getting closer making you step back "I can't stop thinking about you everything that you say or do makes me love you more, I want you, I need you, why can't you understand that?" you now see yourself trapped between him and the wall behind you

"You're not lovesick, you're just sick, you are fucking obsessed! I would never be with someone who acts the way you're acting right now" instant regret

"If I can't have you, no one can, and I'll make sure of that, my love" he muttered taking his cell phone out of his pocket and showing it to you, your eyes widened

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Let him go!" Darkness was tied to a chair with a cloth over his mouth, he didn't look hurt

"I'll let him go, when you accept to stay with me, otherwise, I'll kill him." you can feel the tears wetting your face

"You sick motherfucker" he pretended to be hurt

"You better choose your words better Y/N, I can kill him in just a snap" you looked at the picture again

"Fine, just let him go" he grinned as he put his cell phone away, he took the rings again and offered them to you, you looked at him before picking the ring and put it on your finger, he did the same

"You won't regret it, my love" he says pulling you closer and kissing you 'I already did' you thought with yourself.

[najatheangel]

𝐒𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬

pairing: liu yangyang x reader

now playing: foreign by trey songz

genre: very spicy and comedy.

requested by: @bigbrainenergytingz ❤️ (sorry boo this one is a little longer than I imagined, but I hope you enjoyed! )

summary: badboy!yangyang crushing on the new female foreign exchange student!reader. Slowly she starts to turn him on and he demands to see her in the library to give her a piece of his mind and body.

“Class here’s our new exchange student from the Dominican Republic! She’s staying here for the 6-month program and she’s a junior. Everyone please be nice and give a big welcome to y/fn. y/ln”

You slowly walk in adjusting your boarding school uniform you received in the dorm today. The skirt was uncomfortably tight and it revealed your legs so it made your walk slightly awkward, but the class didn’t seem to care since they were already staring at you admiring how lovely you looked especially the guy in the leather jacket sitting in the very back, yangyang.

“A pleasure to meet your class, I’ll promise to work hard and do my best.” Your English accent shocked everyone and made all the girls hype you up. All the guys fell in love with you even more, but of course, you had your eye on one man only the rebel, playboy, mastermind, and leader of the Wayv Biker Club Liu Yangyang.

“Bro she’s looking dead at you. I think she wants you, man.” Lucas nudges and ruffles yanyang’s hair as you walk right in front of him and sit at the desk right in front of him. Yangyang leans back and whispers back at Lucas saying “You think so huh? I’ve never done it with a foreign exchange student before. Let’s see what she’s all about.” He gives Lucas a quick fist bump and proceeds to give his attention back to you.

The whole class time, he kept his eyes on you, biting his lip thinking how he’s going to make his first move. As his fellow friend, Mark would always say “You got to seize the opportunity.” And just that he was fired up waiting for the perfect opportunity.

As soon as the bell rang, he ran up to principal Tate begging if he could shadow you around the school just so he could find a way to get closer to you.

Principal Tate rolled her eyes as she ignored to young man pouting at his suggestion. “Listen Yangyang, the last few times I let you shadow a new female student it becomes the talk of the town that you bang them, and then I have to talk to their parents about it over and over again.”

He blocks the door preventing her from getting inside the office. He whines again “Please, she’s different! I will seriously not get her in trouble this time. Can I at least show her the bottom floor of the school and I’ll let you live?”

The principal rolls her eyes one last time and writes a demerit slip as a warning in case yangyang doesn’t follow through with his task. “Fine, only show her the cafeteria, gym, and library, but that’s it. If you take any longer than an hour, then you are in big trouble. Got it?” Yangyang gives her a soft grin thanking her. “No need to worry principal Tate you have my word, see you tomorrow for my after-school detention.”

She shakes her head as he runs after you to your locker screaming your name like an excited school girl. “Ugh, how does his mother deal with him all day every day.”

…

He leans against your locker as he notices you grabbing your packed homemade lunch. “Hey I don't know if you forgot about me, but let me introduce myself. My name is Yangyang and I’m your shadow for the 2nd half of the day.”

You looked at him clutching your lunch box nervously, but at the same time smiling interested in spending your time with him. "Well might as well, you've been staring at me all day in class. Show me around."

Yangyang clears his throat responding back by saying "Uh, was I? My bad love, it's a bad habit. You can follow me Miss Y/Ln. Yangyang walks downstairs with you offering to hold your backpack showing you the cafeteria. The cafeteria of course had served the best expensive meals for students that prefer not to cook in their dorms and also have their tables separated by cliques. Yangyang just so happened to sit in the school rebels aka trouble makers section.

His friends Lucas, CJ, Samuel, and Hendery were smacking their lips eating their pork rice bowl as they see you walking across the cafeteria together with his arm wrapped around his shoulder looking lovey-dovey.

Hendery winked at yangyang and the rest of the boys cheered the two of you on loving how the two of you walk what seems like in slow motion in front of everyone. "Okay, then my boy getting him some. Make sure you meet tonight at the garage to fix our motorcycle like you promised."

Yangyang looks to the side slightly blushing at the boy's comments but gives them a nod before sitting right next to you.

"Sorry, sometimes my friends can be such idiots. Let's eat shall we." The boys moan and make sexual jokes in the background making fun of yangyang even more until he throws an onigiri at them leaving you laughing.

"No it's alright, I never laughed this much in a long time. You guys make the perfect group." Your laugh makes him melt into a bigger puddle making him spill his miso soup all over his pants.

"Oh no! I'm very sorry. Let me clean that off for you" You panic grabbing napkins out of the napkin holder and run to sit very close to yangyang wiping his pants aggressively.

He gulps looking very close to your eyes all the way down to your lap but instantly snaps out of it trying to keep his cool. "Oh no it's getting worst, what should I do?"

The more you wipe the harder time he is having controlling his urges. What made him snap was when you slide his leather jacket off to wipe the stain off his thin white dress shirt. "Okay, that's enough. I can't do this, you're coming with me."

He gets up quickly grabbing you with him speeding towards the library.

...

Yangyang closes the door behind him before checking if anyone dares to come inside. He takes you all the way back to the library back to the romance book section where all the so-called "hook-ups" usually happen and push you against the bookshelf.

He takes a deep breath and looks at you intensely saying "Now I got you where I want you. Why do you keep teasing me? I see right through you."

You finally sigh giving up the innocent act and unleash your true flirty, freaky and confident side. "So you've finally caught me huh. Well, it's not a secret all the girls want you here. So I figured I'd give it try besides your not the innocent one either."

You play with the buttons on his shirt making it harder for him to focus. "Your gonna get me in trouble again if you keep it up, missy."

You giggle and proceed by whispering in his ear in your accent that he loved hearing since you came to the school. "Well, you're the trouble maker for a reason. It won't be bad for one more day."

"I swear to" You cut him off by pulling his shirt down and kissing him softly. "Are you sure you don't want me? I can see it all over your face. Don't deny it just give in already."

Yangyang groans and lifts you up kissing you back against the bookshelf. His kisses become more wet leaving you out of breath and begging for more. He unbuttons your shirt leaving more wet kisses down your neck making you squeal.

"Shhh quiet down. People are trying to study." He teases when clearly no one is here. You slap him lightly and bring his face against your chest letting him play with your boobs.

To make the atmosphere hotter, he starts moving closer to you, lifts your skirt up, and starts grinding against you. "Mmmph, try to keep quiet now. I'll open the door back up and let the whole school hear you scream my name." He chuckles as his movements go slightly faster.

You wrap your arms around him tighter to keep his body as close to you as possible, but that ends quickly when the lunch bell rings.

"Shit- I forgot about Trigonometry!" You panic again as you adjust your skirt and button your shirt back up. You run to grab your backpack and give him one last kiss before running out of the library.

"I'm sorry babe, but can't slip up on my first day. We can continue this later. See ya." You wave skipping out of the library.

Yangyang pouts yelling "Wait, but I didn't get to cum yet. Ugh, man I can't wait to see her again." He smirks adjusting his leather jacket but realizes he smells the leftover soup all over his uniform.

"Crap, I still gotta clean this up."

taglist: @bigbrainenergytingz @purplepsycho03 @dreamyycore @melonmochimoon @soleilsuhh @dundun-baby @kpopsnowball

Send me an ask if you want to be added or removed from the tag list. ☕