#I'd end the world to let you live just a few minutes longer | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ikeuverse · 1 year ago

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FIGHTER — l.heeseung

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader GENRES: very little angst, a bit of fluff at the end WC: 9.2k+

WARNINGS: mention of fighting, cuts, mention of being drunk, some swearing. let me know if i forgot anything else, please!

SYNOPSIS: you've never seen a fight up close before, let alone an illegal fight. it was a different scenario that caught your attention, really fascinating. now one thing stuck in your mind beyond the whole fight scene: but why did the cute fighter treat you so badly when the two of you had never seen each other before? did he have a good explanation for this?

NOTES: listening bouncy by ateez made me have this idea. i changed the writing a few times and even wanted to continue after the end, but i thought i'd leave it that way to have, who knows, a part two? idk, you can tell me if you wish that. hope you like it!

masterlist

You could call yourself an adventurous person. Perhaps a complete explorer of the little and big things in life. Parachuting in, changing course from medical school – done for five long semesters – and running off to study social communication and be a respected copywriter in your field.

But even with a good profession, you never stopped exploring, being encouraged, and even accompanied by your couple of best friends, Sunghoon and Kasey.

You met the girl at the university of communication. Sharing a dormitory with a stranger back then would not make you imagine that today she would be your best friend and also your best friend's girlfriend. Introducing her to Sunghoon at one of your first frat parties was easy. Kasey was super communicative, while Sunghoon was shy. The contrast made the two hit it off right away and, after years, they were still together even though university was over.

Those nostalgic thoughts left you with a smile adorning your lips as you stepped out of the shower, looking at your reflection in the mirror and grimacing when you saw yourself with wet hair.

Friday night, end of work and you left early. Almost as if she knew what was coming, Kasey texted you as soon as you entered the house and threw your bag next to the couch.

We are going out today. Light clothes and a super different place, I think you'll like it.

You always enjoyed her crazy antics, that's why you two hit it off from the first minute inside that university room. She was just as adventurous as you and this could only be a work of fate, bringing two people together as best friends to explore every crazy and interesting thing in this world.

That's why, without delay, you ripped off your clothes on the way to your bathroom and took a long shower. Washing your hair and taking a little longer with the liquid body soap just to feel a little more relaxed after work. Your night out with your friends was always a lively one, and since your chores had been heavy that Friday, only the hot water would be able to wash away – almost – everything bad before you put on a proper outfit and dried your hair.

As you rambled about your outfit after your hair was properly dried – your arms sore from trying so hard to give your strands a good attention – a sigh left your lips, before a thin scream echoed through your room. The sound of the phone startled you and quickly made you turn towards the bed.

The quick steps to grab the handset and answer it on the next ring.

"Hi, I'm listening" you smiled even though your best friend couldn't see.

"Did you dry your hair?" how Kasey could know you so well, you had no idea. Chuckling, you mumbled in agreement before she continued "Okay, fifteen minutes for an outfit. Sunghoon and I will pick you up."

She didn't even let you answer her, hanging up just as quickly as she called. Surprised at how little time you had, you ran to your closet to get something to wear. Smiling at your clothes thinking that at least you would have a ride home. Without spending on a car app and without worrying about some stranger bringing you home.

Taking one last look in the mirror after choosing your outfit, smiling satisfied at what you saw there, you left the room. Even more smiling after seeing that Kasey and Sunghoon were really punctual that day, texting you in fifteen minutes saying they were already waiting for you at the entrance of your building.

Locking your apartment and taking the elevator leisurely, you reached the first floor and waved to the old gentleman doorman who was always so smiley every day.

"Good evening, Miss y/n" he greeted you. You greeted him back, wishing the man a good night before heading out and locating your couple of friends' car.

Getting into the backseat, your hands touched Sunghoon and Kasey's shoulders respectively.

"So..." the guy who was driving gave you a sideways glance, smiling at you "Ready for tonight?"

"I don't know where you guys are taking me, but I think I'm ready" your answer made them both laugh, along with Kasey making sure you loved the place.

You couldn't deny a huge chill in your stomach, even though you knew neither of them would let you down with the surprise. Kasey was a great thinking mind, while Sunghoon executed the whole plan of the crazy outings you all had. That's how it worked. But this time, you being a mere guinea pig for the Friday night surprise made you even more excited. Because what were they up to, anyway? That they hadn't told you anything at all since you got a text a few hours ago?

Please let it be nice, you thought, clutching even tighter to the leather of your jacket and settling comfortably in the back seat of the car as Sunghoon began to drive away, guided by the lights of the night city.

The reddish lights of the poorly placed sign flashed right in front of you. You, clinging to Kasey's arm, stared at the place with a long sigh coming out of your lips. Sure, you'd watched boxing matches on television and even bought tickets to one on some vacation trip to the States. But it never, ever crossed your mind to be in a giant shed, people back and forth as the words slowly came out of Kasey's mouth.

"Can we call it an underground fight?" from the look Sunghoon gave her, that was the name of what was going on.

Maybe because of the lack of regulations and because none of the fighters were, in fact, professionals, they were just there for the money and the numerous bets that were going on. You recognized this by the stand that was set up right next to the small staircase where there was a makeshift grandstand. Men of all shapes and sizes bet on so many names that you could not identify anything that came out of their mouths. A few women who were there, with fewer clothes than you were wearing, waved and greeted you and Kasey even though they didn't know each other. Maybe a brief recognition that you were the only one there among so many men, besides the others in their bikini tops who were standing in the middle of the fighting ring just waiting for it all to start.

Sunghoon approached with a smile on his lips, both hands carrying glasses that surely contained some drink for you to savor while you were there.

"So, did you like it?" he asked after handing you a glass. It was so full that you decided to share it with Kasey, it was still too early to drink so much.

"It's different" you said, smiling as you drank some of the beer and handed it to your friend "Is that really not dangerous?"

"Look, y/n is scared?" Kasey joked before sipping on the same glass as you "But… I don't think so, do you, love?" she looked at Sunghoon.

For a few seconds, he decided to stay quiet, just looking around trying to find words that could comfort you or make you less tense. Because he knew that's exactly what was happening, just like it happened to Kasey when he told her.

"They're used to it, y/n. But inside there's everything they need in case they get hurt" Sunghoon pointed to the left corner, it looked like a dressing room of sorts and his smile widened when a tall man appeared in the doorway and waved at him, beckoning him in "Come, I want you to meet my friend."

"He's hot" Kasey whispered to you.

"I heard that!" Sunghoon shouted loud enough, making you both laugh as he intertwined his fingers with Kasey's, and she raised her other arm for you to hold fearing she'd lose you in the crowd.

Passing by the one you were referred to, it seemed to be a bit quieter there. The flow of people was much smaller compared to outside. The voices were loud and fast, but there was no danger of bumping into anyone and so you managed to get a little free from Kasey's arm to give her and Sunghoon more privacy as they walked a little further ahead.

Through the dark corridor you were now passing, your best friend stopped in front of the black door and gave a quick knock before entering, without waiting for a confirmation.

"I can't believe you came" the amused voice greeted him, and Sunghoon was soon laughing as he let go of Kasey's hand to enter first and hug the man.

Your friend looked at you and winked in your direction, maybe that boy was the handsome one she had told you about, but his face was still a mystery because the hug lasted so long. It looked like he and Sunghoon hadn't seen each other in years.

"Did you think I would lose your fight today?" shit, Sunghoon's friend is a fighter, you almost yelled at that. Sighing, soon Kasey's voice greeted him and she hugged him too. The man's laugh was as infectious as your best friend's who was laughing at some comment he had made before releasing Kasey from the hug.

And last but not least, you. Your gaze finally caught the really handsome guy in front of you. Was he hot? For God's sake, Kasey lied, he looked like a Greek God. Well-drawn lips, a pointed nose, and an extremely lined, pearly, beautiful smile. Those teeth could reflect all the light in the room if it wasn't for the lamp that illuminated all of you.

"Heeseung, this is y/n, my best friend" Sunghoon introduced you. You smiled at him the same way he smiled at you, nodding and walking the steps that separated the two of you to hold his hand "Y/n, this is Heeseung. My best friend and coworker."

Your brow furrowed briefly and it didn't go unnoticed by either of them, making Heeseung chuckle some more before letting go of your hand.

"This fighting thing is secondary" he explained afterward "Sunghoon is not part of it."

"Not directly" he held his friend by the shoulders before he pulled him away from you to sit him back down in his chair.

Surely Sunghoon would have to explain to you a bit more about that because it was quite confusing, and looking at Kasey, you realized that that information had also been told to her not too long ago. Judging by the way she was sitting on the small couch staring at the two men who were talking non-stop.

"So" Heeseung's voice cut off the moment you were about to start a conversation with Kasey, making you both look at him "Where's your boyfriend, y/n?"

Boyfriend? You frowned again, so confused by the sudden question coming from him. Your eyes searched for Sunghoon who let out a small sigh, nibbling his lip as if he already knew what was coming.

"I… I don't have a boyfriend" you smiled and this time your action didn't mirror Heeseung. There was a frown on his face and the countenance that was once so cheerful was now so closed and nervous.

You almost felt guilty for telling the truth, why was it so bad not having a boyfriend? Was it a sin for you to be single? Your mouth opened to say something, but he looked away from you before he even let you continue.

"What was our deal, bro?" Heeseung stared at Sunghoon, still frowning and even more serious, if that was possible.

"Relax, it's just a night of fun" he explained.

"No, it's not" Heeseung got up from his chair and walked towards you, stopping a considerable distance away from you from Kasey "You need to go home, y/n."

"What? Why?" as a reflex to his actions, you got up from the couch and stood in front of him, the same distance he was keeping from you.

"Hey Heeseung, it's okay. She'll be with me and Hoon…" Kasey smiled without showing her teeth, seeing that even that hadn't disarmed the boy.

Heeseung gave up trying to say anything and walked over to Sunghoon without saying a word. He looked at the door just as there was a knock and his name was called, indicating that the fight was about to begin.

"Don't do that anymore, that wasn't our deal" he touched Sunghoon's shoulder before grabbing the bandages and gloves he always wore. Taking one last look at you, Heeseung left the room and slammed the door as hard as he could.

"What the fuck was that?" Kasey sighed and you let out all the breath you didn't know you were holding until the moment.

Your eyes stung a little, but what was the reason you would cry anyway? Trying to take a deep breath and contain it, you looked at Sunghoon for some bigger explanation.

"Do you have anything to tell us?" his girlfriend insisted, knowing that you wouldn't say anything else for a good while while you were still recovering.

Sunghoon was quiet for a good few minutes, just the sound of people passing back and forth outside the room. Someone had come in to get something Heeseung had forgotten, and as soon as he left, something dawned on the boy who had stayed there with you two.

"Just… Give Heeseung a break, okay?" he tried to explain, giving a smile so loose that neither you nor Kasey seemed to believe it.

That wouldn't be much more than an answer, so you decided to accept it and get it over with. Hoping so hard to be able to go home because that place was already getting exhausting for you.

Unfortunately, or not, Heeseung was a very good fighter. If you told him that he would take it up as a real profession, it would not go unnoticed. Or if you hadn't heard it come out of his mouth that it was secondary, like a hobby, you would never believe it.

He had precise blows, a cheeky grin on his face every time he hit his opponent. When someone hit him, the most he would get from Heeseung was a bit of spitting on the ground and jeering, before he would practically finish off his opponent in minutes.

"Round three" the man shouted from the middle of the ring. Even though he didn't need to, Heeseung seemed to accept while the other fighter had also agreed.

Taking a seat on the bench in the corner of the ring, he listened intently to the instructions of an older, fat, sweaty man. The towel he carried on his shoulders was so dirty that you could hardly believe it when Heeseung accepted it to wipe his forehead. He needs to take a shower urgently, your mind screamed as soon as the boy returned the towel.

When they gave the signal for the fight to resume, a girl – typical of wrestling – walked by in extremely short clothes into the ring. Whistles and cheers were heard throughout the venue. You held back your laughter when you saw Kasey almost shoot Sunghoon with her eyes, him staring at her for the entire moment until the woman disappeared from his field of vision and left the venue to the fighters alone.

"Come on, Hee! You already won!" Sunghoon shouted to his friend, encouraging him as he always did.

When he stood up from his seat, Heeseung looked at Sunghoon and smiled broadly, or as much as his mouthguard let him do. But as soon as his eyes traveled down Sunghoon's side, stopping directly at you, his smile fell. It was as if there was something about Heeseung that he just couldn't look at you with a smile.

The boy decided to ignore that and turn his attention back to the fight, adjusting his gloves and focusing any and all attention on the man in front of him.

It wasn't that hard to know that, with a few more blows, Heeseung had been named the winner. Bettors celebrated the boy's victory, while others who had bet on the loser, lamented the money they would have to pay.

All for the sake of entertainment. All for the sake of the underground fight that Heeseung loved, because he knew that at the end of the night, the money he would win would be more than enough not to step foot in there for a few weeks.

"Let's go find him" Sunghoon whispered to Kasey, seeing that she stared in your direction with his words even if you weren't hearing very well because of the distance between the two "I promise Heeseung won't say anything to y/n now."

"If he does, he and y/n can discuss" Kasey whispered back, but she let her boyfriend lead the way as the three of you made your way back to the less crowded part of the shed.

Where you, strangely, felt it was best. Even if it meant being in the same room as Heeseung for a few minutes.

Like the first time you were there, Sunghoon entered first and as soon as you entered, the room was not silent. Three more people besides you, your friends, and Heeseung were there. All men excitedly handed several wadded-up notes of money to the newly crowned champion of the fight. Heeseung was sweaty and panting, but he had such a bright smile on his face that you held back the urge to make a vomiting noise when you remembered that he had smiled like that before he was a complete asshole to you.

"Tonight was awesome, man" the gray-haired boy ruffled Heeseung's hair, taking a few steps away and stuffing the money bills into a plastic bag "When are you coming back to fight?"

Heeseung sighed loudly, taking the bag and putting it inside a bag that was probably his.

"Maybe in two weeks, or three" he closed the bag "With this amount I can go almost a month without showing up here."

"Really, tonight was the highest of the month" another man celebrated "You deserve it, man. I think it's good to get some rest too, you've worked hard."

"Thank you" Heeseung thanked and greeted the men before they left.

When he heard Sunghoon's voice congratulating him, he was still smiling, even looking through the reflection of the small mirror in front of him and looking straight at you. Replying to Sunghoon that he could have a few weekends like a normal person, without fighting or having cuts all over his face, Heeseung's gaze had never left you at any point.

And the strangest thing was that you couldn't stop looking at him either. It was as if you tried to look away, but half a second later and your eyes would go back to his reflection.

"And you're still here?" he finally turned around, finishing what he was doing and looking at you properly now.

You noticed the movement of Sunghoon and Kasey as if they had foreseen what was coming.

"Should I have left?" your tone of voice was the same as his, only a little lower for the distance you were standing. Heeseung snorted.

"Should have" how audacious, you wanted to mentally curse him for that "This place isn't for you."

"Of course. You should know a good place for me since you don't even know me."

"I know enough to know it was a mistake for Sunghoon to bring you here."

That hurt. In such a ridiculous way because Heeseung was a stranger to you, so why had his words hit you hard? Why, again, had your eyes started to sting and you were seeing everything in a blur?

"You're shit, Heeseung," your words came out so desperately that he didn't even care to hear them. It was as if the boy was used to being called that, but his Adam's apple shook hard at the way he swallowed dry. Why had he swallowed dry with you calling him that?

"Y/n…" Sunghoon called out to you, but not in time to get you trapped inside the room, because you had already left.

You could have also heard wrong, but Heeseung also called your name. Or was it your crazy head because your steps were so fast that you didn't want to go back?

Your gaze blurs more and more as you passed people, hearing shouts of another fight breaking out. You just wanted to leave.

Without difficulty finding the exit, you were already outside that shed breathing the cold air of the streets that embraced your body. And for some time afterwards, you let the tears fall on your cheeks.

"Y/n… Hey, sweet" you sniffled loudly at Kasey's voice right behind you, wiping your face ever so quickly. But to no avail, it was impossible to hide anything from your best friend.

She turned you around and hugged you slowly, stroking your hair and kissing your cheek.

"Let's go home, please?" you asked in a whisper, holding yourself back from crying again.

"Come on" she said "By the way, can I sleep in your apartment?"

"Why?"

She lifted her head to look at you, eyes reddened just like yours. Shit… Had she cried too?

"Sunghoon and I had a fight because…"

"Because of me?" a pout formed on your lips, you wanted to cry again because that had never happened before. And it was something you dreaded, having your best friends fight over you.

"Also, but—" she sighed, squeezing your cheeks and placing a kiss on your forehead before pulling away from you to hug you from the side "He and Heeseung have some deal that Sunghoon didn't tell me about. And if they treat my best friend like that, I'll fight."

You looked at her beside you, laying your head on her shoulder as she laid her head on yours. Both of you in that position for so long that you had lost count of how many people had passed by or how many people had left disappointed at losing a fight.

"Let's go home. There's a lot of goodies we need to eat in my closet" you broke the silence, hearing her giggle right after.

You sighed wistfully as Kasey walked through your apartment door holding another bouquet in her hand.

"From Sunghoon again?" you held back a laugh as she agreed, kicking off her shoes to head to the kitchen.

Unhurriedly, your steps followed your best friend as you watched her search for a pot big enough to fit the new plants she received.

"With another regret card, this time I almost gave in" she pouted as she placed the flowers into the water, setting the makeshift pot on the kitchen counter.

Almost two weeks she decided to stay with you in your apartment until she forgave her boyfriend for feeling bad about the last fight. You asked her to stay as long as she needed, perhaps feeling less guilty for still thinking it was all because of you.

"Why don't you talk to him? I think Sunghoon already got what he deserved."

"I'm still upset about the last time we talked, he wouldn't tell me and even allowed Heeseung to talk to you like that" she pulled you into the living room without much difficulty, you wanted to go back there anyway and continue your cooking program before taking a long shower to make dinner.

Taking a seat on the couch, Kasey joined you in watching the show as she laid her head on your lap. You decided to end it there, after all, it was between the two of you and you had tried everything to get them talking again in that time. Even though you didn't respond so well to Sunghoon's messages, because you were upset with him too. But you wanted the good of your two best friends, so giving in was a good thing.

What if I text him now? You thought. After a few hours of watching television, Kasey had taken a short nap on your lap. Breathing quietly with his hand still petting her hair.

With your free hand, you reached out far enough to reach your cell phone and go to Sunghoon's chat. But before you could type anything, your best friend's number was calling you.

Was it a sign, perhaps? He wanted to talk too and that could be good. Or not. You didn't know it, but you answered quickly hearing the noise on the other end of the phone.

"Sunghoon?" you asked as soon as you got no answer, not even a hello from the other end.

"Oh, she answered… Y/n? It's Jake."

"Jake!" you smiled into the handset even though no one could see it, not even Kasey who was still sleeping on your lap "What's that noise?"

"We came to a bar after work" you heard him gasp as he walked to a less noisy place. Maybe he was heading outside the establishment "But some things… Well… Didn't work out so well."

You could swear he was smiling shyly now as if he had done something wrong. Your mind wandered to the first time you met him when Sunghoon introduced his coworkers. Jake was so energetic and funny, and he gave such a shy smile when he broke one of the cups at Jay's house. Maybe it was that smile he was giving now.

"Tell me what happened, please…" you stirred a little, praying that your friend wouldn't wake up. And it had worked. You managed to get up from the couch and walk to the kitchen.

"Jake? What are you doing, man? Give me my cell phone back!" it was Sunghoon, and judging by his slurred voice, the boy was drunk.

"Be quiet and go with Sunoo, he needs to clean that cut."

"Cut?" for a second your voice came out so loud that, with Kasey's words on the couch, now your best friend was awake and Jake was regretting having scared you that much.

"Okay, okay. Sorry y/n. Can you… Can you…"

"Y/n? Did you call her?" Sunghoon picked up the phone under Jake's protests, taking the lead to talk to you "I know you're mad at me and Heeseung and we don't blame you" why is he talking about Heeseung out of nowhere? You hadn't even mentioned his name "But please don't kill us today."

"Kill you? What happened?"

"I guess being away from Kasey made me mad" he huffed, you thought that probably at that moment Sunghoon was playing with his own feet for being embarrassed about what he was going to say next "They bumped into me, I got into a fight and… Well…"

He went quiet and so did Jake. For a moment you pulled your cell phone away from your face to see if the call was still going on.

"Sunghoon?"

"Come pick us up, please?" he asked in a whispery tone, almost afraid someone would hear him.

"Okay, give me the address, we'll be there in a few minutes" your gaze quickly traveled to Kasey's drowsy figure, which was slowly waking up at the sight of her face.

She knew something was up, and you took a deep breath as Sunghoon passed you the phone so Jake could give you the address.

You knew where it was, so it would be easier to locate as you hung up the phone.

"Did something happen?" Kasey yawned.

"We need to go out and get the boys, I need you to come with me" you were so quick to deflect her questions, after all, you didn't have much time and she could see for herself. You didn't know much either.

Other than enough said by Jake and the mumblings of a drunk Sunghoon. You just mentally prayed that nothing that serious had happened, even if your trembling hands on the steering wheel of the car told you otherwise.

The nightclub was full and you didn't feel intimidated by the stares, because all the women were very well dressed and you were… in a sweatshirt. There was no time to change and even Kasey couldn't get out of her work clothes, because as soon as you said Sunghoon and cut in the same sentence, she just put on her shoes and ran with you wherever you went.

Disengaging from some people, apologizing to others for rushing through and getting to the other side of the club, you and your best friend finally reached the bar. The meeting point where Jake had texted you, and luckily, he had just arrived too.

"Thank God!" his sigh of relief was mirrored by the two of you, quickly hugging you on either side "Sunoo and I were the only ones in favor of calling you two" he looked at you and then at Kasey, smiling sincerely at the presence of the two of you there.

While he kept up a casual conversation, trying to distract them until they got to the back of the club, they both answered everything without much excitement, not least because the focus was on finding the boys who – possibly – were hurt. Sunghoon had a cut somewhere, that was the only information they had.

"The security guard let us stay here until you two arrived" Jake stopped in front of the door, it looked like a private room.

"Was it that bad?" Kasey tried not to look so desperate when Jake didn't answer with words, he just shrugged and sighed before walking in, being followed by her and then you.

The room was well lit and the table had only bottles of water on it, which made you feel more relieved. No alcohol, they had taken a break to recover.

Your gaze wandered around the people, stopping on Sunoo who was trying, uselessly, to make Sunghoon sit still while he cleaned the famous cut. It was on his lower lip and that could only have been caused by someone.

"Who did you fight with, Park Sunghoon?" your friend's voice caught the attention of all of them inside that room. So far no one had noticed the presence of the newcomers.

Sunghoon almost fell when he got up from the sofa if it wasn't for Sunoo who held him as soon as it happened.

"Kasey? Baby" he pouted, almost crying with the pain it caused him that his lip was bruised. Sunoo let go of him as her best friend reached for him, feeling his arms wrap around her.

"What happened?" he smothered her in a tight hug, saying anything you could at least hear. Paying attention to the two of them was funny, because in years of relationship, maybe that had been the most serious fight you've witnessed from them.

And it was weird, you couldn't deny it.

Your eyes went to Sunoo, smiling in appreciation for taking care of Sunghoon so well. Or at least trying to. And quickly a gaze ran to the other side of the room, stopping immediately on Heeseung.

He also seemed to have a cut, but he was located on his eyebrow. He had never looked away from you since you had entered that room, and judging by the way Jake put his hands on your back, pushing you towards him, it was your turn to go talk to the boy.

"Not me."

There was no denying that Jake was stronger, and this battle for breaking free from his hands to Heeseung would be a defeat. So you just accepted it and stopped in front of the boy.

"I'll help Sunoo and tell the security guard we can go now" Jake whispered to you, looking at Heeseung and flashing a smile "Behave yourself and be civilized this time."

"Okay, daddy Jake."

"Ew, gross. Don't call me that!" Jake flicked his middle finger at Heeseung and left, walking with Sunoo out of the room and leaving just the four of you there.

You wanted some sign of Kasey and Sunghoon, but their conversation seemed far more interesting than looking in your direction and answering the thousands of questions forming in your mind. Like, for example, why were you here with Heeseung? Sunoo could have looked after him or the boys could have told you what to say to the security guard and you would have gone there. Not standing there to look after someone who had been ridiculous to you.

"I think I can hear your neurons frying from here" Heeseung's voice invaded your ears and you sighed loudly, but not loud enough for him to hear since the music from the whole club was still invading every corner of the place. You turned towards him and tried not to express any reaction to that.

In vain. When he quickly grabbed your hands and forced his weight to stand up, getting only a few centimeters away from your body.

"Sorry, when I get drunk I can't… I…" his gaze was restless, paying attention to every little detail of your face. Whether it was your wide eyes and curiosity about his next move, or even your ajar, reddened lips that Heeseung swore he didn't want to see so closely or he might lose control.

"Heeseung, Sunghoon" Sunoo called out to his friends at the same moment Heeseung shook his hand. You let all the air out of your lungs when everyone inside that room paid attention to the newly arrived boy "Let's go out, I think y/n parked the car near ours. It won't be a problem for us to leave."

You all agreed and Sunoo guided Kasey, who had Sunghoon's arms around his body so he wouldn't stagger as he left. You wished you didn't have to think about it, but it was impossible at the same moment as Heeseung's hands gripped your shoulders.

"Can I hold on to you? I don't want to fall halfway," his voice whispered between your hair, close to your ear. And that damn shiver went through your whole body.

If he wasn't drunk, you could have sworn it was some kind of tease on his part. But without much thought one of your hands went to meet his on your shoulder, intertwining your fingers a little too tightly to hold him back.

"Be careful, Heeseung" you said, not knowing if he heard or not. You just wanted to get out of there and you did.

Walking out of the club with Sunoo in front to guide the way while Jake helped Kasey and Sunghoon.

Without much delay you reached the outside, you had indeed parked your car near the boys' car. Strategically or not, maybe out of sheer desperation to just get there and find them, but at least it had worked out.

"Okay, someone needs to take Heeseung's car. He won't drive like this" Sunoo held up the keys between his fingers.

"Hey, there's my keys" he grumbled, dropping your shoulders to stagger over to Sunoo. Unsuccessful in picking up his car keys, he was without a shred of reflex due to his drinking.

"And I came with him" Sunghoon whined softly, laying his head on Kasey's shoulder for a few seconds, but quickly getting up "I had an idea!"

"Oh shit, should we worry?" Jake asked amused, eliciting a small laugh from the group for the first time all night.

Sunghoon decided to ignore the joke made to him, looking at each of the people there until his eyes stopped on Heeseung.

"You knew that y/n did a few semesters of medicine, right?" you frowned at that question, after all, how relevant could it be since it had nothing to do with the subject.

"Yeah, we talked about it that day" Heeseung agreed.

"What? Did you talk about me?" you almost shouted, startling the two drunken chatters. Jake and Sunoo decided to turn their attention to their cell phones, talking to their girlfriends to give them the news that everything was okay later in the evening. Meanwhile, Sunghoon and Heeseung ignored – or tried to ignore – their questions and focused on the small talk they were having.

"She can take care of your cuts and take you home."

If your life were a cartoon, your eyes would pop out of their orbs the moment you rolled them. How could Sunghoon think such a thing? And how Jake was laughing at that situation so unpretentiously while you denied it with several nods.

"Sunghoon, what are you doing?" Kasey asked in a whisper.

"Helping my friend, I want to make amends with both of them" but his answer had been loud enough, and your eyes remained wide.

Jake, realizing that nothing would come out of his mouth and that Heeseung would not answer anything either, decided to intervene.

"Y/n, I think Sunghoon meant that you can take good care of Heeseung's cuts" he said low, just for you to hear since Sunoo, at that moment, was talking to Heeseung. Gave some guidance because he couldn't drive in that state "He cares the least about it and we're afraid it might get infected."

"I don't— Jake!" you whined.

"It's all right. Anything you can call me, you know" he touched your shoulder with him in a subtle motion "I live two streets away from Heeseung's apartment. If he's an asshole, you can yell."

It was just saying no. Just deny it and say that someone else could take such good care of his cuts other than you, not least because your medical school had been a long time coming. But of course, that first aid part hadn't been forgotten by you.

Shit, shit, shit. Why was no denial of any kind going on in your mind? Why were you walking towards Sunoo and reaching out to take the keys to Heeseung's car? Why were you handing your car keys to Kasey?

"Take care of my baby, please" you said to your best friend as the metal of the keys slipped out of your fingers and into hers.

"I will" she smiled, feeling Sunghoon's arms go away from her body so he could walk over to you and hug you.

"You're the best friend in the whole universe, I swear" Sunghoon whispered as he hugged you tightly. You, returning the hug, smiled as he kissed the top of your head before slowly pulling away "Take care of him for me because I know he'll take care of you."

"Okay, mister drunk" your smile made him smile too, and meanwhile, you clutched Heeseung's keys between your fingers and turned to him.

Without saying a single word, the boy pointed to the dark car in the row of a few cars a little further away. Then it was just a matter of saying goodbye to your friends and getting out. And so you did.

Greeting one by one until there was no one left, you let Heeseung lead the way, hoping he wouldn't trip or hurt himself on the way to the car. Safe and sound, he leaned against the passenger door and smiled without showing his teeth, indicating that it was that vehicle that would take you both away.

You unlocked it, got in, and were followed by him until you both closed the door for good.

"I need your address now" you said.

He just agreed, saying he would drive you to his apartment. As you started the car, your attention was always on the road, afraid to look away from him. But that didn't stop Heeseung from looking at you.

And he knows he did it all the way to his apartment. Without regretting it for a second.

Heeseung let you rummage through the bathroom cabinet when you said the first aid kit was in there. Complying with your requests, he walked to the kitchen and drank at least two full glasses of water in an attempt to relieve the drunkenness – which had been leaving his body since the moment he got into the car with you. This time, pulling up a chair to sit near the table, the young man waited patiently until you returned. Or he thought he was patient, faltering the second you walked through the kitchen door.

Under the bright light of the kitchen Heeseung could swear that your skin glowed something completely different than he had ever seen in his entire life. Your face was so focused on the small briefcase and some tape in your other hand, that he sighed when he saw a small pout forming on your lips.

"I already washed my hands, okay?" your voice was low due to your proximity to him, placing the case on the table behind Heeseung. He straightened up in the chair and, as if by automatic, his legs opened for you to fit your body in there.

Your gaze fell on Heeseung's legs, hesitating whether or not to stay there, but it was the only way. The only right way to be so close so you could clean that cut with the almost dried blood.

Tidying his hair so that no strands remained in front of his face, he slowly slid between his legs to stand there, a few centimeters from Heeseung's body that was sitting almost static in front of you. He closed his eyes as soon as he saw you pick up the cotton and pour something in, feeling the icy material against his skin.

"What…"

"I'm cleaning it" you kept talking quietly, sometimes making your breath hitch against his skin "You were sweaty and it was open for a long time, we don't know what's in there."

He murmured in agreement, continuing to keep his eyes closed and not catching any moment of your care. Only occasionally feeling your fingers against his hair to push it away from his face. Or when the absorbent cotton slipped out of your hands, or even when you wiped away some of the contents you had used to clean up and it was dripping, almost going onto his cheek.

"Heeseung?" you called him after a few minutes.

"Yeah…" he opened his eyes, meeting yours that was already looking at him in anticipation. A small smile formed on his lips and Heeseung didn't know why he smiled back at that.

"This might sting a bit" he rolled his eyes down his hands, seeing a small bottle there. Surely he had bought it at the insistence of his coworkers, after all, Heeseung had no idea how to heal a wound. In all of his – occasioned by fighting – Heeseung always had someone in the ring who did it for him, so worrying about taking care of it wasn't his area.

"You know y/n, you don't have to—"

"I do, you won't get it without some medicine" your scolding made him go quiet, realizing that had shut Heeseung up, so you continued "You can squeeze me or ask me to stop if it stings unbearably, okay?"

Without a single word, he just agreed, thinking it was a complete exaggeration. Especially since he fought practically all the time, he had already been beaten up a lot and had many cuts on his face, why would it burn so much that he would do those things?

"Fuck" Heeseung almost screamed when he felt his skin burn and the pressure of your fingers with the cotton from the cut.

In the same second, he grabbed your waist, his strong hands squeezing your shirt and consequently pulling your body closer to him. It made you completely hug Heeseung. And he didn't seem to notice, not even for a moment as he still held himself tightly against you.

Your breathing faltered for a few seconds, the closeness to him making you inhale the scent he had. The musk of his fragrance entered your nostrils as you closed your eyes momentarily and opened them, focusing on the care while Heeseung still kept his hands on your waist.

"It's okay, you can let me go now" you whispered as you took the cotton with the medicine, discarding it just like the other materials you used to clean his wound.

"Shit, I'm sorry" realizing what he had done as soon as he opened his eyes, Heeseung released his hands from your waist, remaining seated.

You didn't say anything else as you put away every single thing you used, throwing what you needed in the trash and going back to grab your kit bag. Your walk back to the bathroom was longer because your steps seemed slower and your thoughts traveled to Heeseung's fingers against your body. As he walked out of the kitchen in the same slow steps, processing what had just happened.

It wouldn't be a big deal that touches because he actually felt pain and your body was the only tangible thing in front of him. But why did Heeseung's fingers tingle? Why did he want more of that contact?

"Okay, your stuff is already put away" your voice snapped him out of his reveries, making the boy stare at you a little dazed by the whole situation.

"Thank you" he tried to smile knowing that it had looked more like a grimace because you laughed softly as you searched for the things that you had left on the couch "Hey, where are you going?"

"Home…?" your lips pressed together, preventing any expression from being used as you held up your cell phone and the cold sweater you had put there when you arrived.

"No, you can stay."

"Heeseung, I—"

"Seriously y/n, I insist" he interrupted you, swallowing dryly when he saw a glimpse of hesitation in you, almost dropping your phone in it's place "It's the least I can do after you took care of it" he pointed to the cut that no longer bled "And you can rest assured, I like sleeping on my couch."

"No… Not really" you tried to protest.

"I'll be right back" with an overwhelming stubbornness, Heeseung disappeared down the hallway of the apartment, making you snort and not giving you a chance to answer anything.

He didn't take long, but it felt like an eternity to you when he came back with some blankets and pillows in his arms, throwing everything on one of the armchairs.

"I'm not very tidy with things, but I promise my bed is a clean and safe place" he smiled, running one of his hands over the back of his neck quickly. Heeseung was at a loss and didn't know how to act from then on "You can sleep there tonight, I'll take you home as soon as we wake up."

You had nothing else to say but accept the offer. Leaving at that hour from Heeseung's apartment wasn't a smart thing to do, taking an app car wasn't very safe either. And Jake had probably already gone to sleep, you didn't want to bother him, even if the boy lived a few minutes away.

"Thanks, Heeseung" was the only thing you managed to say before approaching him and touching both of his hands. Slowly brushing your thumb across the back of his hand, an intimate and quick act, before letting go of his hand and smiling once more. You said your goodbyes and headed down the hallway to the bedrooms, running into his room as your cheeks began to heat up.

Meanwhile, slumped on the huge sofa, Heeseung felt a tingle in his hand again. But this time, a huge smile was on his lips, and now he could tell why this time.

You didn't know you would miss waking up to the smell of Heeseung. Even though it had only been a few days since you had slept over at his place, with him dropping you off at your apartment door, it was getting more and more confusing. Why couldn't you just stop thinking about him? After all, Heeseung had been a asshole, he'd only been nice out of courtesy and because you'd taken care of his cut, nothing could be fairer.

But no. He had a way of ruining all the thoughts and strategies you yourself had devised to ward off anything related to him.

Hearing the doorbell ring relentlessly, you huffed and walked lazily to the door, balancing your coffee mug as you let your hair down from the grueling day you had at work.

"I hope you haven't forgotten anything here at all, Kasey."

"Maybe Sunghoon can get it for her later" Heeseung's voice almost made you knock over all the coffee you were drinking. Your eyes widened at the sudden appearance and the words had simply vanished from your mind, as if you had unlearned how to speak.

"What… What are you doing here?" shit, you wanted to scream, why were you stuttering in front of him?

"Can I come in?"

No.

"Yes, come in" you said, completely betraying your brain from barring you while there was time.

After entering your apartment, Heeseung walked shyly to the center of your living room with you trailing behind, admiring every detail in it.

"Sorry to come unannounced, but…" he stopped looking at your wall decorations, turning around and facing you "Sunghoon said it was either this, or you wouldn't answer any of my messages."

"Why?" you asked.

"Because maybe he let it slip that you've already called me every possible name" he shrugged, not seeming the least bit affected by it. You could feel your cheeks burning, and from the embarrassed look on your face, Heeseung managed to smile.

"Well… I had reasons" your coffee mug rested on the coffee table as you approached him, crossing your arms in front of your chest as Heeseung held out his hands. A bag dangled from your fingers and you glanced at it quickly, letting out a laugh afterward.

"Accept my apology, please" you took the package and then bluntly took it from there.

The bottle of wine looked expensive enough that you never thought of buying it. It was the kind of gift that only your best friends would give because it never seemed to cross your mind to spend something like that.

"Heeseung" his name came out of your lips like a little melody, and he loved it.

"I didn't know if you liked flowers or chocolates" he whispered "But Sunghoon always comments on how you and Kasey go out drinking, I just figured."

"Thank you" that had been so cute that the pout on your lips made him sigh, and he didn't care that you had heard.

"It was for fight day, actually."

"What?"

He was quiet for the briefest of seconds, waiting for you to put the bottle of wine away somewhere appropriate that you could use later or whenever you pleased. As soon as you approached him again, Heeseung nibbled on his bottom lip as he rambled on about how to tell you about it.

"Ever since I started this thing, me and the boys have had an agreement" the agreement that neither you nor Kasey knew about, so you just nodded because he had to keep talking. And because you were too curious to say anything "We don't take any kind of unaccompanied girl to the fight."

"Why?" Heeseung pondered whether or not to continue, but he had already gotten that far. If he turned back, you'd surely get even angrier and never see him in front of you again.

"I've been around this shit long enough to see what the guys are capable of over there, y/n" he had a serious tone, but he didn't sound angry at all. Just emphasizing that the subject wasn't any kind of joke "I've lost count of how many times I've heard absurdities from the guys there and what they did with any girl who stepped in that place" he made a disgusted face, recalling facts and even stories that the men told.

It was stomach-churning and Heeseung would spare you any details, telling you only what was necessary to get the matter over with.

"So I made a deal with them about it, that they could only take some girl if she was accompanied" finally, Heeseung didn't know he had gotten so close to you while telling that story. Looking into your eyes when he was finally a few centimeters away from you.

"That's why you asked if I had a boyfriend?" your voice almost faltered from lack of use, watching him slowly agree.

"I was so mad at Sunghoon for breaking our agreement that I ended up taking it out on you, so for that I'm sorry" Heeseung's hand touched your arm, causing you to undo their crisscross so he could hold your hand and intertwine your fingers in his.

"It's okay, you had a good reason. You could have just said it instead of being an asshole to me."

"I know that, that's why I want to make amends" Heeseung slowly squeezed your fingers in his, staring at their joined hands as he looked back up at your face.

"How?"

"By inviting you to my next fight this weekend" he smiled when he saw your face contort in confusion.

Why would Heeseung call you to the place where he said all sorts of things happened and, on top of that, have the first fight that made you hate him – not at the moment – but you didn't want to admit it.

"For you to fight me again for being alone there?" your question made him laugh, Heeseung knew he wouldn't get a different answer than that. And he expected it, so his next move had been almost calculated.

Closing the small distance between you two, he let you feel the small pressure of his body against yours. One of his hands ran down to your waist, the first place he touched you.

"No" Heeseung's voice was so low it was only audible because of proximity as he lowered his neck enough to let his face close to yours "Because you'll be with me."

"But you're going to fight" you said as the tip of his nose touched yours, a small sigh leaving your lips at the contact.

"Exactly" he whispered "I'll be watching you the whole time" Heeseung squeezed your waist, still whispering every word as he brushed his lips against yours "And it was nice to have your eyes on me while I was in the ring, you know?"

"Really?" you remembered the small exchange of glances between the two of you when it all went down, thankful that now you both had your eyes closed so he wouldn't notice the blush on your cheeks.

"Really, because it motivated me in a way."

"How?"

"On the one hand I was mad that you didn't have a boyfriend and were alone there" Heeseung touched his lips to yours, the softness almost making you cry out. He chuckled softly, the vibration going straight to his mouth because of how close the two of you were "On the other hand I felt relieved, so I have an excuse to call you to my fights."

"I guess I can accept that."

He wasn't sure if the answer was from your sentence or the way his lips were still lingering on yours. Heeseung was going to take that as an answer to both thoughts, getting carried away with the fact that now you would go with him to the fights and finally get to taste your lips on his.

#heeseung angst #enhanet #hyfenet #heeseung fluff #lee heeseung fluff #lee heeseung angst #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen masterlist #enhypen x reader #heeseung x reader #lee heeseung x reader #enhypen heeseung #enhypen au #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #bay writes.

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thetriumphantpanda · 1 year ago

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Ghost of You | J. Miller (Chapter One)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Female Reader

Word Count / 3.4K

Warnings / soft!Joel, reader is a widow, in depth discussions and descriptions of grief and depression, will have eventual smut, SLOW BURN.

Authors Note / I AM SO PROUD OF THIS LITTLE STORY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I've wanted to write soft!Joel for so long so I hope you love it as much as I do! If you do enjoy it, reblogs, asks and likes are my drug so I'd love to know what you think! Also considering following for more!

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. There were days that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw back the sheets of your bed and get up. For the first month, you think you managed to shower three times. No point if no-one was going to see you. You hadn’t left your house since the day of the funeral, life had become a monotonous circle of waking up, soaking your pillow with tears until you made yourself sick, throwing on the same clothes as before and then doing the same thing but led on the couch.

People had reassured you it would get easier. That each day it would subside, little by little, and you cursed them for being right. The longer you sat with your misery, the easier it became. One morning, a few months ago, you remember waking up, only this time you didn’t roll over and place your hand on the empty side of the bed and cry when you realized your husband wasn’t there anymore. You got up and showered, taking 15 minutes to brush the matted mess of your hair, and you dressed in new clothes.

You managed to walk to the market hall and purchase food with your ration cards and Maria had almost fallen over when she saw you in the aisle. That was the worst thing though. You’d been absent from life in Jackson for almost six months, and whenever you left your house people looked at you. Some still had those sympathetic eyes, telling you they were sorry for your loss, but there were the others who judged you. How pathetic you were for falling into despair like you had.

It wasn’t as if he’d met a violent end, he was quite lucky, actually. In this world death came at the hands of evil, whether it was being taken and tortured by raiders, or torn limb from limb by infected. Your husband had died peacefully, drifting off in his sleep in the hospital. The doctors had said it was cancer, which seemed painfully unkind to him. He’d never smoked in his life and was probably the healthiest person you’d ever known, but when was life ever fair?

You could tell they whispered once you’d passed. How dare she be so upset when my husband was killed on patrol? How lucky you were to have been able to say goodbye and hold his hand as he passed, when someone else turned into one of those things all alone. So now it wasn’t grief that kept you behind closed doors, but shame. Shame at knowing you thought they were right, that not being able to pull yourself together was selfish. Selfish to all the people who had managed to carry on with their lives after losing someone, selfish to the community for not being able to pull your weight. You were stuck and you had no idea what to do about it.

The only way you could face leaving your home these days was on Maria’s comforting arm. She’d been your friend for years, she and Tommy seemingly the only people who understood you. Didn’t force you to do anything, let you come to your own decisions when you felt ready. No-one would dare look at you or speak in hushed tones whilst she was around.

The sun was soaking Jackson now, it was summer, and you were grateful for the warmth of the sun on your skin, everything felt better with the sun on your back. With summer came one of your favourites of life’s simple pleasures. Strawberries. In the market you picked up as many as you could purchase after buying your essentials. Maria walked you home, helped you put away everything and then left with a comforting hug.

You carefully placed a large handful of the fruit in a bowl, rinsing it under running water. You were about to sit down on your couch to eat them, but the sun was filtering invitingly through your front windows. You stripped off your jacket, leaving you in your simple tank top and jeans before opening your front door to sit on the bench on your porch. You had sunglasses resting on your face, Tommy had found them on a patrol trip a few months ago and you were grateful for the safety you felt from them. People couldn’t walk past and meet your eye.

You were finishing your third strawberry when Tommy walked past, a man you didn’t know on his left shoulder. He took a look to your house and smiled on seeing you sat in a patch of sunlight, he waved, which you return, then he turns to the mysterious man on his left to say something before they start walking over.

“It’s good to see you out, honey,” He smiled, walking to lean over the railing of your porch, “What’cha got there?” He asked, motioning his head to your bowl of strawberries.

“You want one?” You asked, picking the bowl up and walking over to meet him, he gladly takes the biggest fruit in the bowl, pinching the spidery leaves off before putting the whole thing in his mouth, “How about you?” You asked, extending the bowl to Tommy’s mysterious companion.

He takes a strawberry as well, doing as Tommy did, but he takes smaller bites of the fruit, like he’s savoring it, “This here’s my brother Joel,” Tommy speaks, Joel extends his hand and you take it, shaking it softly in greeting, “He arrived a few weeks back, he’s been getting settled with his daught… with Ellie, but I thought it was high time he started pulling his weight.”

He had a smirk on his face as he said it and you could see the beginnings of a smile on Joel’s face too, “This one’s a real taskmaster,” You say to Joel, a smirk across your lips, “You’ll be wishing we had a retirement age soon enough.”

“Can’t think where he gets it from,” Joel chuckles, “You were takin’ notes all the time we worked together before weren’t you?”

Tommy smiles and nods, “Learnt from the best,” There’s another round of chuckles from the men, “Listen, we should get a move on, but I mean it, it’s nice to see you out like this.”

“Thanks Tommy,” You offer a small smiled, “Here, take a strawberry for the road.”

Both men take another fruit gladly before the way and make their way back down the street, leaving you on your own once more. You slide the sunglasses back onto your eyes and take your place in the path of sunlight on the bench. You sit there for a while, eating your strawberries, thinking about all the times you and your husband had done the same, holding hands as the sunset, cuddling up into his side when the temperature dropped. You realized suddenly that you weren’t sad. That the tears that usually threatened to fall were nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was just a feeling of happiness, grateful that you’d experienced love in a world where it had seemed impossible. Sure, you wished he would reach over and take your hand in his like he used to, squeeze it and place a soft kiss to your palm, but you were no longer ruled by the grief that had consumed you all those months ago.

“She seemed nice.” Joel muses as he walks with Tommy.

“She’s lovely,” He replies simply, “Just had a pretty rough time of it recently.”

Joel hums in acknowledgement as his boots hit the ground in time with Tommy’s, “When you said it was good to see her out, what did you mean?”

Tommy sighs at his question, but not out of frustration like he usually did when Joel asked him questions, more out of sympathy, “Her husband died about a year ago,” He begins to explain, “Nothin’ violent or anythin’ like that, the doctors reckoned it was cancer, but she took it real hard, I don’t think she got out of bed for the first week, and then after his funeral she just kinda withdrew, she’s been all alone in that house for months, refuses to leave unless it’s with Maria because people talk.”

“People talk about her?” Joel is shocked, in a world where loss in inevitable, what makes someone else’s grief less worthy than others?

“We’re safe here,” Tommy says, steering him into a building at the end of the street, “But that doesn’t mean people don’t die when they’re out there,” He references his patrol men, he’d lost a few which he would always hold heavy in his heart, “Maria told me once that when she took her to the market a few months ago, some busybody wives were talkin’ about how unfair it was she got to say goodbye, that he’d been sedated and it was easy for him.”

Joel stops in his tracks, letting Tommy walk in front of him. They’re in the gun store, not for anything in particular, just so Joel knows where everything is so he can stop following his brother round like a lost puppy. His mind inevitably wanders to his own grief in this moment. The pain of losing his own daughter, the all-consuming feeling of ‘what is the point in life anymore?’ without her. The scar on the right side of his face and the hearing loss in the same ear when he’d tried to end it all. He hadn’t been strong, not really. If he hadn’t of flinched that would have been it, the easy way out, as some would have said. He’d struggled for a long time with his survival but that didn’t mean his was worth more than your grief, or yours more than his. It wasn’t that simple.

“I spoke to them, told ‘em if I heard ‘em gossiping again then we’d have no issues moving them on their way, but I suppose people are always going to talk, they just do it where we can’t hear them.”

“I’m guessin’ she knows?”

“Of course she knows, Joel, that’s why she shuts herself away, easier that way I guess.”

“Doesn’t make it fair though, feelin’ like you can’t leave your house because people are gonna judge the way your husband died.”

“She’s been better recently,” Tommy speaks, leaning against the table behind him, “Still won’t really go anywhere without Maria, but seein’ her today, it was nice.” Joel nods his way through Tommy explaining the signing out system for guns, follows him around to the stables where he shakes the hand of the young girl in charge of caring for them and then settles himself next to his brother at the bar for a drink. All the while, he can’t stop his mind drifting back to you and your loneliness, your despair at your loss, or the rotten porch step he’d noticed at the front of your house that might just give him the reason to get a little closer to you.

A few mornings later, there is a soft knock at your door. Your face contorts in confusion, Maria wasn’t supposed to come until tomorrow. Leaving the coffee pot to its filtering, you walk slowly to the door, opening it to find Joel stood on your porch, toolbox in hand and planks of wood resting against the railing.

“Good mornin’,” He croons, “Not interrupin’ anythin’ am I?”

You shake your head, “Can I help you?” You asked, wincing slightly at the defensive tone of your voice.

“Well, I hope you don’t mind, but when I passed with Tommy the other day, I noticed your porch step was rotting,” He points to the old timbers behind him, “I’m surprised you’ve not fallen through it already, so do you mind if I fix them?”

Your exterior softens and a small smile pulls at your lips, “Of course,” You say, “I’m just making some coffee, do you want some?”

“If you don’t mind sharin’, then I’d love some.”

You leave him on the porch to get started. Your mug is already set next to the coffee pot, you open the cupboard and instinctively reach for the only other mug you ever needed. It had meant nothing to you when you moved in. It was white and had a pattern of sausage dogs printed on it, but it had always been his. You hold it in your hands when you realise what you’ve done. His face flashes behind your eyes. He’s standing in front of you, his hair tousled from sleep, his voice still low and raspy. He thanks you as he takes hold of his mug, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You set it back in the cupboard like it had burned your palms, reaching instead of the plain black mug at the back of the cupboard.

You rest your palms on the counter, closing your eyes to take deep breaths, feeling the weight of your body through to the ground. Once you don’t feel the wave of sadness flowing through you any longer, your quickly pour the coffee into the mugs, taking them out to the porch where Joel is currently working to take the rotten boards up, not that it’s taking much work, a little force from his hands and the wood in crumbling.

“Here you go,” You say softly, setting the mug down next to his toolbox, “I hope you don’t mind it black, I spent all my rations on strawberries this week, so no milk.”

“Just how I like it,” He says, looking up at you, “Thank you.”

You take a seat on the bench out front, it’s been a long time since you had the company of someone that wasn’t Maria or Tommy and it was nice to watch him work whilst you sat in the sun.

“Thank you, by the way, I didn’t realise it had gotten so bad,” You remark, and before you can think about what you’re saying, you add, “My husband always used to handle this stuff.”

You press your fingers to your lips as Joel’s movement still slightly, he knows what you’ve said, but he continues working, “It’s alright, this is what I used to do before all of this, so I’ve got an eye for rotting wood.”

“You were a builder?” You asked, desperate to steer the conversation away from your loss.

“I was, Tommy and I were contractors, worked on a bunch of different sites together, kinda annoying the world ended, we’d just booked a really big job, was gonna pay the bills and then some for once, my daughter had already spent the money on a trip to Disney.”

“Ellie?” You enquire, remembering the name Tommy had given.

He shakes his head as he sits back on his knees, coffee mug in hand, “No, she’s not mine by blood, she came along a lot later, I lost my daughter on outbreak day.”

“Oh,” You say simply, “I’m sorry Joel.”

“It’s alright,” He shrugs, taking a mouthful of coffee, “I struggled, for a long time, didn’t see how it was fair, but it’s been easier recently, all because of Ellie, and this.” He motions around to the town.

You’re silent for a while, your gaze flits between Joel working and the dregs of liquid in your cup. You understand in a way. The loss is different, but it’s loss all the same.

“What was his name?” Joel asks quietly as he’s rooting through his toolbox for some nails, “Your husband.”

“Mark,” You speak quietly, realizing quickly it was probably too quiet for him to hear, “His name was Mark.”

“Were you together long?”

“Eighteen years,” You answer, “He was my neighbour in the first QZ I was in, I’d lost my parents a few years before the outbreak so I was on my own, he moved in a year later and would always wake me up every morning when he stomped about to go to work,” You were smiling, recounting how you’d met, “One morning I’d had enough, I went right over there, pounded on the door and gave him what for. Said I was tired of waking up to the sound of his work boots every morning, and I guess the rest is history.”

Joel smiles as he reaches for his hammer, nailing in the new boards, “Love at first sight?” He asked, worried at first that it’s too personal a question.

“Something like that,” You offer in reply, “I guess it just kinda happened really, like most things do.”

There’s silence between you again as Joel hammers in the last of the nails. He stands up, pressing his full weight on the step, “All done,” He declares, shutting away his toolbox, “Don’t have to worry about you fallin’ through it now.”

You stand up to admire his handiwork, you must admit he was good at what he did. Efficient but thorough, the step had never looked so good, even when you’d first moved in, “Thank you Joel,” You place a hand on his arm and give it a gentle squeeze, “I really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” He bends to pick up his coffee mug and hands it over to you, “Nothin’ else need sorting?”

“I mean, nothing that risks death or serious injury,” You jest, “But there is something you might be able to help with.”

You gesture for him to follow you through the house, setting the dirty mugs in the sink as you pass through. You open the back door and motion for him to join you. The garden is a mess, there’s no beating around the bush here. The grass is out of control, but that’s because you haven’t been able to go and get your gas ration for the lawnmower. The decking out back is fine, Mark’s handiwork in the year before he died, but you point to the unfinished table and chairs in the corner, or rather the pile of wood that never got to become the table and chairs.

“Mark was going to build some table and chairs, you know, so we could have guests over or sit out here in the evenings, but he got sick before he could really start,” There’s a lump in your throat now and you’re willing yourself not to cry, not now, in front of a man you barely know, but nothing you do can quell the feeling inside of you and a few tears fall down your cheek, “God, I’m so sorry,” You sniffed, “I’ve done so well not to do this today.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Joel soothes, he pressed a firm hand to your shoulder for comfort but keeps his distance, which you are grateful for.

He gives you a moment to compose yourself, watching closely as you rub the tears from your eyes and take a deep breath, “It would just be nice to have somewhere to sit where people aren’t going to watch me.”

Joel’s heart almost breaks at your words. He doesn’t know you, not in the slightest, but the thought that you felt like you had to hide away, in your own community, the place that was meant to make you feel some semblance of normal, was preposterous to him.

“I’ll build you something, don’t worry,” He reassures, “Tommy has me on patrol for the next few days, but as soon as I can, I promise I’ll build you the best damn table and chairs you’ve ever seen.”

You laugh now, through the remnants of your tears, “Thank you.” Is all you can manage to say.

He’s turning around then, you go to follow him, but he stops in his tracks, eyes admiring the trellis against the back wall of your home, full in bloom of sweet peas, “These are beautiful.” He comments.

“They’re sweet peas,” You inform him, “Maria found the seeds for me, said something about it being good for me to have something to put my energy into,” You shrug, “I guess she was right.”

You reach out and pluck one of the deep purple blooms, “These are my favourites,” You say, turning the bloom over in your fingers before you hand it to him, he looks confused, “Sweet peas are meant to symbolize kindness and friendship,” You explain, “Also fond goodbyes, but I think kindness is more appropriate here.”

He takes the bloom and tucks the stem into the breast pocket, the petals of the flower peeking out where you can both see it, “Well then, thank you,” He nods, “I’ll see you soon, sweet pea.”

PREV | NEXT

#Pedro Pascal #the last of us #the last of us hbo #Joel Miller #Joel Miller smut #Joel Miller fanfic #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fan fiction #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #Joel Miller Pedro Pascal #GOY

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magpiefngrl · 8 months ago

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writing patterns: last lines

I love the first lines meme, but what about last lines? I find them as vital as first lines, if not more. A first line should do a lot of things (indicate POV, tone, voice) while also catching the attention of the reader and inviting them to read on. But it can be invisible, just a way into the story, and that's perfectly fine because the story is what will amaze/impress/entertain the reader.

The last line, however, is the last impression: it can be a powerful punch, or it can be underwhelming. It's the vibe, the feeling, the aftertaste that the reader will carry with her when she closes the tab/book. It doesn't do as much work as the opening, but a really strong (or really weak) last line might colour what has come before.

For this game, instead of recent fics, I decided to check my longer fics; the last line of a longer piece of work sort of carries more weight, in my mind, idk.

Rules: write the last line of your 10 longest fics. What patterns can you see, if any? Which ones are your favourites?

Something I noticed: in my longer fics, I often have a short epilogue at the end of the story. Like a post-credits scene. I'm including both last lines for pattern-seeking. Also, a while ago, I'd done a before-during-after ask thing and posted some sequels at the end of a few fics. I debated using only the original ending here, but the sequel's last line is what will stay with readers, so I added both. Finally, The Boy Who Died has a coda but it's so long I'm treating it as a chapter.

I. 9 ½ Days (drarry, E, ~70k)

(story) Harry burrowed closer to him, eyes fluttering open. ‘You’re real.’ ‘I am.�� Draco tangled their legs together. It was snug under the covers. ‘Touch me and see.’

(epilogue) Harry took his hand and together they stepped forward into the green, living wood.

II. dirtynumbangelboy (drarry, E, 39.4k)

(story) ‘Home,’ Harry says, nuzzling Draco’s hair. ‘Take us home.’

(epilogue) He wants them to look smashing at the betrothal.

III. The Miseducation of Draco Malfoy (drarry, E, ~38k)

(story) Draco decided he would be happy to spend his life making Harry laugh, and thrust in.

(epilogue) “Let’s give them something good to talk about then,” Draco suggested, and Harry smiled, bent him backwards, and gave him a proper kiss, tongue and all.

IV. The Boy Who Died (drarry, E, ~27k)

Overthrowing the regime will take a miracle, Kingsley had said in the dark Edwardian manor. Draco had smiled at that and gazed at Harry. Indeed. Which is why we’ll win.

V. The Gift (drarry, E, ~26k)

Before [Draco] casts Nox, he takes a last look at his packed trunk, and then, in the whispering night, he allows himself to dream.

VI. Hush, darling (drarry, E, 23.6k)

But Draco holds Harry tighter — and doesn’t let go.

VII. The Unquiet Grave (drarry, E, 21.5k)

Draco glanced at Harry and smiled. ‘I’ll be fine. I have a bodyguard.’

VIII. Through the Looking Glass and What Draco Found There (drarry, E, 17.5k)

(original) This world was fucked up. It had pain and grief and sick people and dead people and stupid decisions and bad hair days and fear and regret—although it didn’t have Smith in leather gear, which was something. It also had Harry Potter, who buried his face in the crook of Draco’s neck, and who liked this Draco, the Death Eater Draco, and that made everything worth it.

(sequel) ‘Pull them down yourself,’ Draco said and kissed him.

IX. The Full Monty (drarry, E, 10k)

First, he goes to the kitchen to make sure Arthur is indeed alive — he is, nibbling at some seeds on the counter — but after that, yes, he goes straight to where Potter is waiting, hopefully all soapy and wet.

X. How to Court your Husband (drarry, E, 5,5k)

(original) Their escorts maintained a discreet distance when they arrived and saw what the princes were up to, and twenty minutes later in the palace courtyard, the Fountain spurted a jet of water the likes of which had never been seen before.

(sequel) Harry smiled and stroked Draco’s face. ‘We’re in no hurry, husband.’

Patterns

JFC. I like my epilogues and codas and sequels, don't I? Lord. I don't think I'd noticed it before as clearly as I do now. This isn't even everything: I actually started a coda for The Gift a while back, and I have a half-finished sequel scene for dirtynumb in my folders. I can just never leave off. But it's true: I do love epilogues.

I end with dialogue A LOT more than I start with it. First lines, I estimated a third of them are dialogue, but a good half of the endings are.

A large majority of my endings involve kissing or cuddling or touching in some way. Love language touch anyone?

There's a fair bit of Draco glancing at Harry and smiling.

In the two fics that have a sequel scene, the original ending is, imo, vastly superior to the sequel's. Hm.

Faves

I like the epilogue ending of 9 1/2 Days; the ending of Unquiet Grave, which works better I think in context; the rather poetic ending of The Gift; the original ending of Through the Looking Glass, which, imo, perfectly captures the theme; and the original ending of How To Court Your Husband, which is hilarious in context. Several readers commented on that one.

Tagging

I'll no-pressure tag @lettersbyelise @lqtraintracks @the-starryknight @skeptiquex @etalice @coriesocks @gracerene @citrusses @lower-east-side @hogwartsfirebolt @queenofthyme @writcraft @shealwaysreads @phdmama @stripedroseandsketchpads @sixappleseeds to get the ball rolling-- and of course YOU, reading this! Feel free to tag me so I can read your last lines, I'm ever so curious x

#last lines #drarry #writer memes #endings

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starculler · 8 months ago

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strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.

(fics that inspired this at the end)

If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:

The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died

The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.

The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.

(actual idea snippets under the cut)

Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?

The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.

Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.

"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."

He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.

There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.

He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.

"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."

He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.

Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.

He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.

He opens his mouth. Closes it.

Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).

Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.

Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.

Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.

Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.

He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.

If if if if if--

Inspirations:

Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion

Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm

Verisimilitude by mutemelody

#young justice #young justice cartoon #batfam #batman #dick grayson #thoughts and headcanons #the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life #you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy #until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself #only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for!#gotta love it #anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me #the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in #cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu #when they wade into the superhero world #all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol #my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there #he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids #(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids #on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian #on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way #(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha)#jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age #steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are #i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao #babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless #this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au

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threelionsgirl · 1 year ago

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kinda shy | ben chilwell

part II of pillow talk

request: “Pt 2 when they’re back in London and they both have distanced themselves from the cup?? AHHHH I just can sense chillys “oh I wanna show interest but I’m kinda shy and thinking about what she said” type thing. Like being cautious about his next move…, or her next move idk??? Either way this piece was incredible!!” warnings: none word count: 681 masterlist | requests are open!

After long physio sessions, Ben was finally home. The Club World Cup title and the trip to the Emirates were cool, the celebration was gigantic, but soon they had to return to London and with the return was also his physio routine after his knee surgery. A few days had passed, and his recovery was going well, but what really didn't get out of his head was his night with Y/N. He had her number saved on his phone and thought about calling or texting like he said he would, but every hour he would come up with something to do to put it off.

They had followed each other on Instagram and every now and then Chilwell was checking out her pictures and stories, but he found it kind of ridiculous because he had the mood to spend minutes of his day on Y/N's profile, but not to call her. Not that he didn't want to be with her again, he really wanted to show interest, but something was making him a little shy, wondering what she was going to say. He didn't even know if Y/N remembered him, maybe she got tired of waiting and could even be with someone else already.

He was sitting on the couch in his living room after having a nice shower with Oscar by his side. The dog was lying with his head on his owner's lap, receiving affection from one of Ben's hands. He stood like that for a while, his hand tingling, until he decided to fuck off and dial the number Y/N had saved there.

She answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" Her voice was soft on the other end of the line, Ben coughed weakly to allow his voice to come out.

"Hi, it's me." He scratched his throat, looking at Oscar as if asking for help.

"Me who?"

"Ben." He paused. She had to remember him. "Chilwell. Ben Chilwell."

"Oh, hi Ben." Chilwell wondered if Y/N was smiling as he said that. He would bet he was. The way she spoke his name gave the impression that she sketched a smile.

"Good to know you remember me." It was really good, almost a relief.

"Of course I remember, but I really didn't think you were going to call anymore."

"I'm sorry for the delay." He whined, hoping that wasn't the reason for the misfortune of all his chances.

"It's okay."

"I really wanted to call you, I really wanted to, but I still didn't know quite what to say." He gave a weak laugh, wanting to cut the tense mood, and I could swear Y/N let out a little air through his nose as well. "I get kind of shy sometimes, I didn't want to be a jerk." Ben confessed feeling his hands getting sweaty, he couldn't remember feeling so nervous, even more so talking to a woman he had already slept with once.

"Cute." Maybe she would have given him another smile, but it was what she said next that surprised him. "Well, I went to a Chelsea game last week, I looked for you, but you weren't there. I was thinking of calling you on Instagram, but since you said you were going to call, I was afraid I'd get dumped." Laughter. Ben laughed, too. He would never blow her off.

"Really? Did you look for me?"

"Yes."

Now he was really happy to hear that the interest was not just coming from one party.

"Unfortunately, I'm not playing because of a knee injury," he said.

"That's too bad."

"Yeah, I'll be out for a while longer." He lamented more to himself than to her. It was awful not to be able to play, but at that moment there wasn't much he could do. "But we can still watch. Do you want to go to the next game with me?"

"Sure!" Ben smiled at the speed and excitement Y/N used to answer. "I'd love to."

"Then I'll text you all the details, is that okay?"

"Yes, but only if you promise me you won't disappear again."

"I wouldn't even be crazy."

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mentallyshattered · 1 year ago

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This is part 3 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

"Myaah, keep going!"

"Non, chat. You no longer need to be brushed. Vil, how is Yuu's hair coming along?"

Vil sighs. I've noticed he does that a lot. "Not as well as I thought, Rook. Even though the top layer was absurdly thick, the lower layers don't look much better. This is going to take longer than I expected."

I look up and into the mirror in front of me. Vil has cut my hair short, but the process of detangling the remaining mat of hair has caused the detangled hair to be noticeably longer than what's still a total mess. I'd say the hair he's worked through is about 4 inches, just long enough to cover my ears.

"Say, Monseur Mystery, how did you guess Monseur Chat's name?"

"Well..." I hesitate. Even now, the thoughts of his death still hurt. "When I was living in my world, I found a cat. He was my only friend. He was an alley cat, but chubby- not in a concerning or limiting way, just in a cute way- and he was grey with a large patch of white fur on his front, and his tail faded into black at the end, and... he had polydactly. I think that's what it's called, at least. Do you guys know what that is?"

"Nope!" Grim's reply is cheerful, like an island of comfort in a sea of mourning.

"Well, it's a condition where your limbs split off into multiple limbs. So, a two-tipped finger or extra toe or something. Well, my cat had it on the end of his tail. It looked, " I pause, reaching my hand toward Grim and trying, failing, to hold back tears. "Into three. A trident tail, just like this." I'm holding his tail in my hand now, careful, like he might break just as my voice is doing now. I can hardly speak through the lump in my throat, but I can speak.

"A-and that cat's name was Grim. And he was hit by a car when he was eight, and I've never been the same." I'm crying now, my eyes reduced to floodgates and my voice to a wreck. Vil is hugging me, his arms bringing some sense of safe to me, but that sense of safe pales in comparison to the comfort of holding Grim in my arms. His fur is soft, much softer now that he's been brushed, and Rook has joined the hug.

We stay there, just like that, for what feels like forever. Vil's arms are strong around me, as are Rook's, and I'm holding Grim again, and I don't want to lose him again. I can't. I barely survived the first time; I can't survive a second. The guilt would kill me.

"I guessed his name, too. I didn't know how. It just felt right. But... Yuu, you kind of remind me of someone. Another human. He fed me in my dreams, and his name was Yuu, and we were great friends, but one day he just stopped showing up. I never saw him again." Grim's previously sad face brightens a little, like a tea candle with just enough air to burn. "You look a lot like him, but older. Maybe... maybe he was you."

The tears come back. I let them. This time, they're happy tears, and Grim is crying them, too. Vil allows a few more minutes to pass, just like that, before he lets go and resumes his task of unmatting the other half of my hair. Rook pulls away, too, and waves his magic pen.

A tape measure, like you see tailors using in movies, appears in the air in front of him for him to wrap around my waist with skillful hands. Soon, he's removed the tape measure from my waist in favor of wraping it around my chest, and then my arms, and then Vil tells him off for doing something unnecessary.

I laugh. "Say, Monseur Mystery, have you tried to use magic since you arrived?"

I ponder. "Not really."

Rook chuckles. "Facinating."

"Are you okay with others being let into the room, Yuu?" Vil's voice is soft and soothing. I'm a little jealous, but who cares?

"Go right ahead." The lump in my throat is gone now that Grim is purring happily in my arms, just enjoying the sensation of being pet. Rook leaves the room- still holding his tape measure, I notice- and the door shuts behind him. Surprisingly, I don't hear his footsteps as he walks away, even before the door is closed and blocking my view.

Less than a minute later, the door opens again, revealing Rook, Korrak, and Korrak's familiar, whose name I do not yet know. Rook waves his pen, cleaning the cat brush with magic, and starts brushing the strange oppossum as he brushed Grim.

"Hey, what's your name? I'm Grim!"

"Call me Mandible."

Well, I guess I have a name to go with both of my roommates now. Unlike Grim, Mandible needs only a few minutes of brushing before his fur is even and soft, at which point Rook measures him, waves his pen, and voilá: five small stacks of clothing appear on the counter.

"What are those?" Mandible is already poking at the piles by the time he thinks to ask. I wasn't expecting Mandible to be more talkative than Korrak, but I guess Grim and I are no better.

"Uniforms! The white one is a lab coat for alchemy, the violet one is a dorm uniform, the one next to the lab coat is a PE uniform, the one next to the dorm uniform is a school uniform, and the one in between the dorm clothes and lab coat are some ceremonial robes. All are sized exactly for Monseur Opossum, of course." Rook looks quite proud of himself.

"Myaah, neato! Do I get some?"

"But of course, Monseur Chat! If you'll allow me a moment..." Rook starts measuring Grim just like he did with Mandible, and Vil lets out a triumphant "Hah!"

"Finally conquered my hair?"

"Not entirely, but I'm done with the hard part." With this, Vil pulls out a brush- not a cat brush, just a regular human brush- and starts running it through my hair in a soothing rhythm. Tired from the short day's events, I allow it to lull me to sleep.

#tw pet death #tw pet loss #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst vil #twst rook #twst grim #m!yuu #twst yuu #tw mentions of death #tw suicidality #what if yuu didn't want to go back #part 3

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zhnnveuxpasdrmir · 7 months ago

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Trying to explain that this quiet, braided anthology of short-short, thought variant, actor driven one-offs is a must-see breakthrough teleplay, a timeless masterpiece!, a work of explicable magic.

I was one of the six people in the world that actually saw this in 2010, but I'd only caught a few bits of it at the time. They were arresting as hell. It's exciting to finally get a chance to appreciate it now, due to the grisly stupidity of all corporate media conglomerates, and the ease of getting high quality archives of unfairly treated past media anonymously on the dark web, along with heroin and guns! 😁

I liked how The Booth At The End examines the fallacies inherent to popular reads of morality, and somehow criticizes specific religious cultures without once mentioning any of them, or admitting to any particular central framework by name. The script is rooted in widely understood monotheist ethics.

It's unrepentant, dour, merciless, and openly, loudly, glaringly deceptive in its candor.

Xander Berkeley. Holy shit. was just unbelievably powerful on this show. Every actor turns in a lifetime achievement award worthy scene, but mr Berkeley is just: setting your disbelief aside, so casually! You believe. The unthinkable is thoroughly plausible in these weency, handy little scenes that.... feel longer. You'll think it was an hour. It was like six minutes.

I don't know fully why this isn't a better known show! Maybe it's too hard to face. If you have an interest in the craft of acting, in show, this little one-sitting binge demonstrates expert theatrical film making.

And these goddamn endings will fuck you up for life!

so here's my theory on the Man, Doris, and the doom of human kind:

oh he's certainly not the Devil. He's a creation of G-D though for sure. As is Doris.

If he has to be a specific character from the stories, he's The Christ, not exactly The Messiah, but something a lot more like christian Jesus if he'd lived on since Resurrection, only through a magical realism lens instead of a worshipful one. The Man is aware of what G-D is, knows it's not what humans think it is. Some say "the wandering Jew" but no: this is not and never was a human.

if Doris has to be a specific character from the stories, she's Satan, or a fallen angel, but let's be real, G-D's ex-favorite, luring the new boy away from G-D's detachment, and into "the trap". I don't agree with the above article in thinking it ended too soon, it ends exactly where it should, where it has to.

because that demand Doris makes is real, and it's one that our planet's conception of G-D has always, always failed. She's right to state this demand, and the Man must comply. Both of them will be literally destroyed by the task. This is shown over and over in both seasons.

The Booth At The End is a genius series of stage teleplays that criticizes flaws in popular conceptions of G-D, how it distorts our perceptions, and how those distort our experience of need. Each "normal" character symbolizes a specific 'mistake' or foible; each supernatural character represents an attempt, by 'history' ambition institution or spiritual quest, to understand and eliminate those errors. The two seasons are a diptych demonstrating respectively How and Why we are trapped forever in a Hell of our own device. 🌞❤️

#xander berkeley #the booth at the end #stoned uncle recommends #this will end up being the only faintly important thing I ever wrote #lol #christian mysticism

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destielholmes · 11 months ago

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DARKNESS 6 - Part 2

It was getting warmer by the second, my t-shirt was starting to glue to my body, and I just wanted to rip my jacket off. Isaac remained next to me, which confirmed his family was behind his appearance. I was happy he engaged with my little conversation – even if it was just a bit, even if his family made him be by my side – it still made me happy.

While I was struggling with my inability to control my discomfort from the heat and thought Isaac's little stay would end after I had my lunch, he proved me wrong as he told me to follow him outside. I tried to hide my sweating body from my parents as we walked outside. The faint breeze hit my face, which made me melt. I opened my jacket slightly to welcome it in, but it wasn't enough to satisfy my dehydrating body. The taste of the sweetness of the air made me want much more. I want to show you something. He told me as he watched me dissolve within the breeze. Heat wasn't a concern anymore, as he captivated me. I followed him, keeping a safe distance, afraid to scare him off with my voice or annoy him with my figure, I remained invisible. I wanted to explore his little world.

Through the trees we've been that same morning, skipping the blood that the ground drank, he took me away from my safety and closer to my desire. We walked for a while, the same skinny trees kept the landscape on our horizon, but I didn't know anymore where we were. I was lost in that forest, with only my captor to lead me out.

Whilst the fog seemed to be long gone, the heat kept rising, and I couldn't keep my composure. I had to show him again the marks he left on me, and I was afraid he would leave me. I took my jacket quietly, not to disturb his newfound patience. I tied my enemy to my waist and kept the pace. This far away from the house my parents wouldn't see.

When the trees started to fade a new place came to view. Much like my little friend, back at the old house, this one also shone to the sun. But unlike my little friend, Isaacs friend was much bigger, tranquil and unmoving. Down in a small quarry, surrounded by trees, was a lake. The water wasn't pristine blue, but I could still perceive the fish swimming around. A wooden deck was built at the side we came up through, which had a few things laying around, asserting it wasn't abandoned. Isaac helped me down past the rocks and to the lonesome deck. Down there, the air stood still, no wisp of breeze, only peace remained.

Isaac pulled off his shirt, forcing me to stop my cheeks from redden, averting my eyes from him. One more minute and you'll melt. He jumped in the greenish water, making it come to life. He wasn't wrong, I almost looked like I had already disturbed the quiet lake.

I took the jacket away from my waist and dropped it with the rest of the clutter, like he did, and jumped after him. The water wasn't too cold, just enough to take my warmness away. I opened my eyes to see the greenness void. I felt his movements though the waives he made. If I could've held my breath longer, I would have felt all of them. I came up to the surface where Isaac was waiting for my approval. I giggled with ecstasy, and he smiled – for the first time. I made certain to carve it into my memory, so I wouldn't forget this moment. He made me want to live so I could hope for another moment like that.

He turned around, diving into the new movement of the water; I followed. I'd dived deep into it, so I could touch the ground, to understand that it was real. Resurfacing with a found spirit of existence, I let out a scream of joy, that was answered with another scream from Isaac. It was pure bliss, another human communicating with me. Could I be normal too? I felt butterflies in my belly, coldness at the surface of my skin, I felt the air I was breathing... I was alive.

We laughed at our stupidness. I danced in the water, as the leaves danced in the air. I forgot about me.

I couldn't tell how long we stayed floating around, I wondered if I could stay there forever, but my wrinkled-up fingers told me no.

Isaac helped me out of the water, as the weight of my clothes pulled me back in.

I told him that was the most thrilling thing I've ever done. He smiled and handed me a chair. We sat in the sun's direction, waiting for the heat to hunt us again. We felt like completely different people. I wondered if he would let me be his friend. I stole a glimpse of him – water drops shining with the sunlight, glued to his body, others fleeing to the wooden floor. The image of the innocent young boy was being erased from my mind, replaced with him. His cut curls, his new framed features, his frowning face, his muscly body, his pleasant voice... I wanted to drown within him and his peculiarity.

I'm sorry. He spoke. I would have responded if I wasn't drunk with him. The bruises. He clarified. I wasn't sorry. They would keep you with me for as long as they dwelt. I told him not to worry, that I would keep them away from my parents.

He explained that it wasn't his intention to hurt me. I was afraid. He murmured.

I smiled, amused at his statement, and asked if he was afraid of me. He looked back at me – of course.

I pushed him for a reason, and although he didn't want to respond at first, he eventually told me. You took away my freedom.

Author's note: Thank you for reading! Btw I've edited all chapter on wattpad and fixed some spelling errors. I encourage you to read it all again because it's been a while too. Don't forget to support the story, like and comment. I would also appreciate if you could vote on the chapters on wattpad. Thank you!!

← 2.5 MASTERLIST 2.7 →

#tom holland #tom holland vampire #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fan fiction #vampire #horror #horror story #vampire story #romance #romance story #tom holland romance #thimothee chalamet #holland #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothée chalamet #timmy chalamet

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c1tyhaunts · 7 months ago

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NOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

NAME : xera.

PRONOUNS : she / her / they / them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : 100% prefer discord over Tumblr IM - it's the best way to get in touch with me, and sometimes I love building servers with some of my partners to build dynamics if we have multiple muses - that stuff is a lot of fun and I adore the archiving aspect of it.

NAME OF MUSE(S) : the current roster (8) includes: terrah sparkz, lilah lyons, avian esparza, elvira "ivy" d'angelo, nache "che" ferraro, richard "ricky/jacket" fritz*, emmanuel "manny" calavera*, & ayati gadhavi* (* - denotes a canon character i stole from some obscure game, including: hotline miami (ricky/jacket), grim fandango (manny), and return of the obra dinn (ayati)

EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG ( MONTHS / YEARS? ) : god i'm pretty sure since 2012 i've been RPing - from text RP via cell phones, to DeviantArt, to Forums, to Tumblr/Discord; I've been in the game for a minute.

BEST EXPERIENCE : ohhhhh man, there's so many. and although some feelings have swayed throughout the years, I definitely think the connections I've made through the RP scene are the best part of it. I've genuinely made long time friends through this hobby - people who i talk to on the daily about their lives, people who i've gone to visit personally and hang out with. at the end of the day, the connections made are the biggest and best thing i can get from a hobby. to build a community with great people around me.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : to list a few specific ones (none are directly targeted, but I felt are relevant to me)

Deal Breaker: any weird hatred/blatant misogyny for fem/feminine ocs in the RPC. it's 2024 and i STILL be seeing people hate women or fem ocs so openly? why does this keep happening??? actually, scratch that - just general OC scrutiny drives me wild. most of y'all do know your favorite canon character is a OC who had higher production value, right? so why think most canons are better than ocs when we're all on the same playing field, ya know??

Pet Peeve: style over substance - i appreciate most aesthetics *motions to own blog* but i also have eyes that i need to read or see. I feel like i miss out on a lot of good blogs because i can't read their formatting on their blog or carrd and it's inaccessible :(

Small Pet Peeve: "I just go with the flow" - when I hear this, I usually see most plotting convos go dead in a matter of messages. lbr everybody, we all have dynamics or specific characters that catch our eyes or that we like. I'm so open about shipping and dynamics like, let's throw out something specific and see where that goes. THEN we can "go with the flow" but we can't flow without direction.

MUSE PREFERENCES FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT : Yes.

PLOTS OR MEMES : plotting for me personally - only because I work a full time job outside of tumblr, and i typically won't have time to always write up a reply to a meme or a thread. I adore plotting and world building with my partners especially via discord, so I'd highly prefer that so then it's easier (and motivates me!) to reply to our threads in the process.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : I unfortunately can't do short replies for the life of me - like some people can do one liners so well, but I need to set the scene & actions. So, usually medium to longer replies.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : i try to reply to threads over the weekends (Friday, Saturday, Sundays) cause that's usually the times I have availability. On weekdays, I'd do memes or headcanons to keep activity up. My muse can be fickle, and although i love to write, I also love to write quality content for my partners so it will take me time.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : each of my muses have a little aspect of me in them (which is unavoidable if i have the passion to write them) but none of them are me 100%. GOD, I hope none them are like me or I'm like them. some of these people are a fuckin mess.

TAGGED BY : stole it from bestie @abysswarden TAGGING : YOU!

#▶⌜dead air :: ooc⌟

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pukanavis · 9 months ago

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Plum Blossoms and Snowflakes | Plum Blossom 2

Madara: “A big thanks to everyone for coming to our live today~!”

“Let’s get excited and stop Mayoi-san from needing to repeat a year, woo-hooo ☆”

Mayoi: “Madara-san, I would appreciate it if you didn’t say that so loud…”

Eichi: “Yes, there’s no need to raise your voice. I’ve had speakers installed so that you can be heard all throughout the school.”

“In fact, we’re broadcasting across the entire world ♪”

Mayoi: “Hyaah! D-Did you say the entire world!?”

“This is too much shame for me to handle, I want to crawl into a pit…!”

Niki: “Mayo-chan, Mayo-chan. Before you go hiding in a pit, can you do me a favour?”

“I’m feeling hungry, so would you go backstage and grab me something to eat?”

Mayoi: “Huh? But we’re in the middle of a show!?”

Niki: “I’m a danger when I get hungry, I’ll go on a rampage if this doesn’t get fixed!”

“If you won’t go backstage then I’ll just have to eat you instead!”

Mayoi: “Uhm, Shiina-san, I’m not food?”

Niki: “Nyahaha, that mouth-watering scent I’m picking up says otherwise~”

“Can I take a bite? Just a finger will do!”

Mayoi: “Ah, please get away from meeee!”

Mayoi: —What if it ends up like that…!? Aaah, just thinking about it makes my stomach churn.

Akiomi: Why would you ever pick those people?

Mayoi: I thought it would be better to imagine the worst possible scenario.

Akiomi: I see. Well, Mikejima-kun and Tenshouin-kun have already graduated, and Shiina-kun isn’t even a student here so the combination you’ve thought of is entirely irregular…

Besides, you don’t need to form a team entirely with strangers. Don’t you remember? I said I’d prefer you to find people you don’t interact with often if possible.

I assure you, there’s students out there that want to help you. Even if it has only been half a year, you must have formed some sort of bond with the others.

I’m eager to see what you’ll do, Ayase-kun.

Time: A few minutes later

Mayoi: —I’ll excuse myself then.

(How pathetic of me. I’ve been living carefree without any concern for how my credits have been faring.)

(I need to find people outside of ALKALOID that I don’t regularly talk to…I could ask Narukami-san or Kagehira-san, couldn’t I?)

(The idea of working with people I’m not close to is terrifying, so I can’t even begin to muster up the courage to approach anyone.)

(But I have to form a temporary unit in order to graduate. If I end up having to repeat the year—)

(...That reminds me, Ritsu-san mentioned how he had to repeat a grade.)

(He said it wasn’t entirely a bad thing.)

(Although I’ve been enrolled at Yumenosaki for three years, I’ve only been attending like a ‘real’ student would for six months or so.)

(If I repeated a grade, I could remain a student for one year longer…)

(I might even be able to create the memories I longed for to make my own graduation album.)

(Not to mention, I’d be in the same class as Hiiro-san and Chief—)

Mayoi: (Ah, I forgot about Chief! If I graduated, he’d be left all alone in the Ninja Club!)

(Aah, I couldn’t possibly abandon him like that!)

(I don’t know what I'd do with myself if I put him through such misery…!)

(...)

Mayoi: (...I’m terribly sorry, Kunugi-sensei, but I’m going to surrender myself to the course of fate. I’ll repeat another year without resistance.)

(For someone as socially-inept as me, forming a temporary unit was a lost cause from the very start.)

(This is the best choice. I’m sure of it.)

Back | Next

#mayoi

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trialbystory · 2 years ago

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Why I am Like This Pt 1

So before I made a return to writing in general/fanfiction in particular, I was toying with the idea over the summer of doing some video essays/blogs/something over on Youtube talking about stories I like and/or were influential to me and why that's the case, and also just why I like stories in general and examining the nature of escapism and storytelling and all this high concept stuff that I never did. But now I have this tumblr thing, and I'm more comfortable with the written word anyway, so why not do it here? Now my original plan was to start with a discussion of why I think stories are important to society/humanity/reality, but the unfortunate passing of Jason David Frank just about a week ago makes it suddenly relevant to skip that for now and jump into a brief discussion of the one-two punch that first made me... Aware, I guess you could say, of long-form narratives in the first place. So let's talk just a little about Power Rangers today, and later we'll talk about what the second half of the combo is (I can almost guarantee it's not what you're expecting)

So there's tiny me back in the early-mid 90's. I like Hot Wheels and Dinosaurs and Tonka Tucks. And PEZ Dispensers for some reason. I also watch a lot of TV, mostly cartoons. I remember Bonkers, Bobby's World, and Life with Louie were the big ones I got into. And then there was Power Rangers, which different and exciting for me for a few reasons. First there were Giant Robot Dinosaurs, which I thought was just the best. And there were toys I could have the giant robot dinosaurs, which made them even cooler. But what made it stand out was that it was live-action. Those were real people getting to ride in the Giant Robot Dinosaurs that I had toys of. Power Rangers was my favorite. But the thing about all these shows was that the episodes were all self-contained. Everything happened in the space of a single 30-minute block. Characters are re-introduced, an issue pops up, and they deal with it in some kind of conclusive way. Even Power Rangers was very monster-of-the-week for the most part. Then Tommy shows up. I cannot overstate how mindblowing it was for younger me to be going through daily life, minding my own business, and out of nowhere, for the first time in my life, at the hands of my favorite TV show (arguably my favorite thing, period), experience a cliffhanger. And then they did it four more times. Finding out that you could have previous episodes matter in newer ones changed everything I knew about television. And it wasn't like things went back to normal afterwards, either, Tommy stuck around, the Green Ranger was just part of the team. I'd never seen that before. And they kept doing it. After 'Green With Evil,' they did a two--parter where Tommy lost his powers ('Green No More') and another where he came back as the White Ranger ('White Light'). And then, after training me to accept that continuity (not that I knew that word) was a thing, they ended OG Mighty Morphin' and made a new show. And Power Rangers Zeo was a direct sequel, picking up right where the Power Rangers I knew and loved ended. And it kept going on with more multiparters and continuity continuing through Power Rangers Turbo and Power Rangers In Space, and to a lesser extent Power Rangers Lost Galaxy. It was great, I loved it, and it opened me up to a whole world of ongoing/longer-term stories. So to Jason David Frank, the man who was the face of my initial introduction to longform narratives, you will be missed.

#introspection #behind the scenes #power rangers #jason david frank

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justsoohi · 1 year ago

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Playing Cards - They Stand Shoulder to Shoulder 6

One day, right before the live concert...

Aira: I'm glad the roses are still in full bloom~♪

Mayoi: I had to leave the other day. So I'm glad I could visit here again before the live... ♪

Tatsumi: There are only a few more days until the show, and i'm just about to wrap up my lessons, so today is a good time for me to refresh.

Hiiro: Umu. Today, I want to look around at all the different kinds of roses!

Aira: well... we all studied about "Alice in Wonderland" for the live, right?

That's why I think the "Trump Soldiers" tried to paint such a beautiful white roses to red, and I can't help but think that's why the Queen must've been that scary.

Tatsumi: Learning expands the world you can see. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that this was the right time to enjoy the rose garden.

Mayoi: We are about to enter the maze, how will we proceed?

The other day, when I got separated from hiiro-san, I searched for a map of the maze in a hurry and looked at some that were available on the Internet..

Right after the starting point, there seems to be several routes.

It seems that no matter what path you take, you will reach your goal...

Hiiro: It's about whether we all go down one path, or whether we go down one path individually.

If everyone can reach the goal in the end, I think it would be interesting for everyone to take different paths.

Aira: I'm a little worried about getting lost.......

But if it's not a dead end, one person at a time is fine.

Tatsumi: Well then, since we are here, let's split up and move on. The stage composition of the new song we are going to perform at the live performance is like that too.

Mayoi: Ah, now that you mention it...

Aira: Then it's decided? See you all at the finish line♪

Hiiro: (....Fumu. Have I made good progress so far? )

(Since the estimated time required for the attack is about 15 minutes, if I keep going at this rate, I should be able to reach the goal eventually)

....by the way, these roses are really beautiful. It really makes me feel like I've wandered into a wonderland.

What a brave girl Alice is, even though she suddenly got lost in a world she didn't know, yet continued to have adventures!

....How was I?

(When I came to the city from my hometown, everything I saw was full of unknowns, and I was bewildered because I didn't know anything about common sense in the city)

(At that time, I had a strong will and purpose to bring my brother back to our hometown. I wasn't afraid of anything)

(I no longer have to serve the purpose of those days, but...)

(It is because I realized how immature I was this time. I don't want to lose the passion and sense of mission that drove me back then)

(To have a strong will to push forward to fulfil something...)

(I want to burn the passion that was in me back then for "ALKALOID" and in order for me to grow even more as an idol)

...I think I'll talk to everyone later. I want my thoughts to be heard, and I want everyone to give me their opinions.

I want to become a better leader by listening to their opinions..♪

Mayoi: Ah, hiiro-san! over here!

Hiiro: Hmm? I thought I'd reach the goal alone, but it was it possible for us to meet

Mayoi: Yes. It seems that the roads that were divided are now connected to form a slightly open space.

I don't know if you all passed, and I could have gone ahead by myself.

But if possible, I would like to share the road to the goal with you all—

Aira: Oh? If Hiro-kun and Mayo-san are here, does that mean we are at the goal?

... or not, it's still full of roses in all directions. What are you stopping for?

Hiiro: We're not standing still. We're waiting for everyone to come together.

It's more fun to walk the road to the goal together and to be together when we reach it

Isn't that right, Mayoi-senpai?

Tatsumi: —That's right, Mayoi-san♪

Aira & Mayoi :Ugyah!?

Tatsumi: Because I could just see the backs of Aira-san and Mayoi-san. I tried to go along with the story I heard.

Aira: What the heck? I was surprised~ Tatsun-senpai is sometimes mischievous, isn't he?

Mayoi: Huu~h, I thought my heart was going to jump out of my mouth...

Tatsumi: Fufu. I didn't mean to surprise you that much^^

Even so, the fact that everyone was able to reunite here means that the goal is already near.

Hiiro: I'm sure. There are five roads stretching from this maze, and everyone came out of four of them...

There is only one way to reach the goal from here♪

Mayoi: So, if the four of us had proceeded together, we would have faced four separate paths in this place...?

Aira: So it was the right decision to split up and move forward ♪

Tatsumi: I hope all that's left is to go down one road to the finish line.

It's a wide maze, so I suspect that there's some trick left behind.

Hiiro: Considering the time, we should be at the finish line soon. Even if there are tricks, even if the path is complicated, let's all go ahead together.

No matter what difficulties await us, as long as the four of us are together, we should be able to overcome them♪

Aira: Haha, that's kind of a cool thing to say. Then let's get Hiro-kun in the lead....

Hiiro: Umu, let's march to the finish line.. the four of us...♪

Prev || Next

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ashitomarisu · 2 years ago

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I'm Standing on a Million Lives (Final Thoughts)

Remind me again what the hell was supposed to be the main plot?

Listen. I thought it would take longer to do this post but after watching the last three episodes, my mind has been made up: COVID AFFECTED THE SERIES PRODUCTION SO FAR UP ITS ASS THE WRITING AND DIRECTION AWKWARDLY STRUGGLED TO STAY ON TRACK.

This conclusion came to be after a few things:

The concept sounded interesting but the Game Master felt vague in almost every episode

Adding in new characters out of nowhere without much context or expansive backstory/lore

obvious production hell under a pandemic and such

the last few episodes of the second season just...IDK what the hell happened but it seems rushed or certain key plot points were axed at the last minute due to time restraint

Now, let me take a moment to address something else. Despite the music being actually pretty good, I feel like incorporating music talents from a label like Lantis was a risky/dick move.

How so? Sure, the staff thought it would be nice to give Kinchan an opportunity to have her songs be used for anime OP/ED since her solo artist debut was in the fall of 2020. However, I REALLY REALLY don't think the music fits well to this series. (Heck, Liyuu could have been better off with her music in another anime tbh).

Anti world may sound fitting lyrically and arrangement-wise but the quality of the song is TOO GOOD to be in an anime with questionable writing and direction. Same goes for Subversive, which I LOVE to pieces; the ending sequence...I just don't get why they hyped such a character when she is barely in the anime.

For once, I actually want to question Anime News Network about the rating for this because both seasons had pretty decent to high ranks for it.

-------

Although, if there's one idea that had me begging for its own anime spinoff, YOU BETTER BELIEVE I'D LIKE TO SEE MAJIHA SISTERS.

YOU WENT AND MADE AN HOMAGE TO PRECURE IN EPISODE 11 AND LITERALLY GONE FULL THROTTLE WITH THE IDEA ONLY TO NOT MENTION IT AGAIN THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE.

What a tease, but such an opportunity if they gave a damn. It's too bad the cast in the first season didn't return for S2.

(Unfortunately, this may never happen since A) supposedly, the second season did so poorly to not garner another season and B) Game Master teased the "Majiha Purple Murder Case" in a preview during the end of one of the episodes.)

(BTW, the ISML fandom apparently hates Yuka but she was the only character (other than Glenda or even the Majiha Sisters) to pique my interest, which obviously tells you something)).

---------

Overall, this suffered the same ordeal as Healin Good Precure with the direction and writing being heavily affected due to the crisis; had this been delayed to late 2021 or last year, MAYBE the quality could have improved? To recommend it would be a bold faced lie, but if you're REALLY curious, read the manga first before tackling the anime adaptation. (I made that mistake...btw).

Not even the four Aqours seiyuus could save this...

------

With that, thank you for being patient. My job hasn't been so damn kind lately and not an opportunity has come yet to leave this hellhole of a skeleton crew. The WHEEL OF WATCHES really decided to pull such a trap on me, but this also means better choices are ahead. What will this contraption choose for me in April?? Stay tuned in three weeks to find out. Until then, here's hoping you don't end up being summoned by its star crotch to become a farmer.

#no seriously why is it drawn this way?!#2023 anime watch #i'm standing on a million reasons why this needs a hell of a lot of revisions to the script #i'm standing on a million lives

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devsmuses · 7 months ago

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in ezra's mind he hadn't been sure what their week together would look like. he knew what he'd wanted it to be like. he'd hoped to essentially play house with the other; it was probably the only opportunity they'd get to be alone together for this amount of time. their night in the hospital together had given his mind more material to be delusional with. rationally he knew the minute that night was over and the medication had no longer been clouding joel's judgement that they'd be back to their restrained behavior whilst with one another. it'd been only a few days since that night and things already felt different between them. it wasn't like anything downright bad had happened or like they'd fussed with one another; it felt more like joel was in his own little world and ezra was just there. he could chalk it up to the other not feeling well, but he had a feeling that wasn't the only reason things felt strained in this manner. he didn't want to bring it up because that would mean acknowledging it which would in turn make it real, but it also didn't feel great to let things hang in the air and cause some sort of unspoken tension between them. from where ezra sat on the end of the sofa in joel's living room, he peered over at the other and said as casually as he could "if me being around is starting to bug you, i can go. i won't be offended or anything-" that was a complete lie. "-i know we don't usually spend this much time together, so i'd get it." he didn't know what response he expected from joel, and he didn't know what kind of response he wanted form the other. this was all so confusing, and yet, he couldn't simply let the other go. it felt like they were bound to one another in some sick way seeing as they couldn't fully be together in the way they'd like, at least in the way ezra would like.

Oh, the sound of Ezra's laughter is as healing as the medication flooding his system. The sound combined with their proximity is enough to convince him that he is ready to go home. Instead, he'll relish this moment just a little bit longer as he chuckles. "I can't imagine having to worry about you like that." By now, with his eyes fully shut and his fingers still against Ezra's neck, Joel can't bring himself to care about his honesty. This moment is a privilege, and in the back of his mind, Joel knows it isn't something he can afford to get used to, so for now he will make the most of it. Despite these thoughts, Ezra's admission leaves him without a response. Luckily, he can feel the conversation drawing to an end, and though he doesn't want to spend the rest of their time merely asleep in each other's company when his feelings have been flowing so freely, Joel can already feel himself growing heavier. "Please... be here in the morning. No one should be by until later. We have 'til then, and then we'll figure the rest out." Which is easy to say right now from the comfort of their bubble. If nothing else, Joel is convinced it's enough. His eyes fall the rest of the way as he pulls the blanket closer around them. In this position, his head still resting against the other's chest, his heartbeat acts as a lullaby, and it isn't two minutes later when his own breath evens and his heart matches Ezra's as sleep finally wins.

#hi! omg sorry for the wait!!!#i'm going off of the time skip we plotted out in msgs #i've missed these guys sm lol #𖥸 ─ ezra threads!

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britswriting · 2 years ago

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Desire (37)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

TW: Talk of losing a parent, drug addiction, self harm, sexual content

Um.. 2k words of smut, sorry.

A/N: Leighton cries a lot in this chapter, just a warning. Don't view her as a cry baby. Please remember how stressful life is, and how hard news like this can be. You're not allowed to bully my character who is hurting lol

*Leighton's POV*

I felt run down. My body felt like if I took one wrong step, I would collapse. My eyes could barely stay open from how much I cried, and I felt like I was inches away from reaching the end of my rope. I don't know how much one person could take, but I had a feeling if I had anything else thrown at me, I wouldn't make it. It seemed like with every blow, my rope was getting shorter and shorter, and I could barely hang on. I was tired mentally, emotionally, and physically. I mean honestly, how much can one person take?

I slowly made my way to my parents room, knocking on the closed door before hesitantly opening it, my mom still in her bed, my dad nowhere to be found.

"Mom?" I whimpered, walking over towards her, my heart starting to race as my breathing became shallow.

I felt the familiar tightening in my chest, wanting so desperately to run out of there, go home, and restart. Maybe this would all have been a bad dream, but that thought was quickly crushed the moment she answered; "Hey sunshine" her voice soft, a very small smile on her face, an oxygen tube hooked up to her nose.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Imagery of Gemma as a newborn with an oxygen tank came to mind, making this visual even worse, knowing any moment I'd close my eyes, I'd remember seeing her like this, and not as the mom I used to know. The mom who was big smiles and laughs, letting me help her in the kitchen, or go grocery shopping with her... I carefully bent down to hug her, afraid that I'd break her if I squeezed too tight.

I had so many questions, but I was afraid of the answers, so I stayed quiet, just holding her. Terrified that the minute I let go she'd disappear.

Every movement felt like déjà vu; horrific memories flashing through my head, forcing my eyes to pop open, no longer wanting to visualize her in a hospital bed from before what we thought would be her lifelong successful surgery.

I wish I could go back to that day, and tell myself to bask in that feeling of hope. I was so scared that she was going to die in surgery... that I didn't appreciate that there was at least an option to hopefully cure her.

"Leighton, it's okay" Mom reassured me, her hand rubbing my back, but it only made my tears fall at the feel of her touch.

"It's not okay! This isn't okay!" I exclaimed, wanting to push myself away from her, my eyes stinging from how much I've cried lately.

How could she say this was okay? She's dying! My mother is dying, and she's trying to tell me that it's okay?!

I didn't want to say goodbye. We had so much more life to live, together. Hell, my daughter doesn't even know her own grandmother, her namesake! She can't just leave us.

"Leighton" She sighed, but I shook my head, "You're dying mom" I squeaked, my voice starting to give out on me. "And you didn't tell me" I exhaled, not wanting to whine to my dying mother, yet hating how nonchalant she was being.

How in the world was any of this okay?!

"It's not that we didn't want to tell you" She started, tears starting to roll down my bright red puffy cheeks. "We just — I didn't want to worry you honey" She frowned, her hand rubbing my back, but I pulled away, my face scrunched up.

"Worry me? — So what, I was just supposed to get a phone call telling me my mother had died from a terminal illness she didn't tell me about?" I asked harshly, my chest tightening, fighting the urge to back away from her.

This all had to be some sort of fucked up nightmare.

"Leighton-"

"No! What the hell mom?! You were just never going to tell me?" I glared, giving into my urge, taking a few steps back, trying desperately to pull myself together, but every single deep breath I tried to take, I practically choked and coughed, my breaths stumbling over each other.

"Leigh-" she tried, but I wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise. My heart was pounding in my chest, my lungs rising and falling quickly against my ribcage as I struggled to breathe, failing to see her point of view of how any of this could be okay. "How could you keep this secret from me?From your own daughter!I DESERVED TO KNOW!" I cried.

"I know I just didn't know how to tell you" She frowned, my harsh glare staying steady on her.

"That's not good enough! That's not a good enough excuse for not telling me!"

She sighed, her head tilting out of sympathy toward me, making me even angrier, "Leighton, honey, please" She begged, but I shook my head.

"HOW COULD YOU! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME! I COULD'VE HAD SO MUCH MORE TIME WITH YOU! I COULD'VE BEEN HERE, COME BACK! BEEN WITH YOU!" I yelled, pointing my finger at her as I backed up even more, my vision blurred. "I.. I.. I.." I stuttered, my chest tightening, "I should've known. You should've told me immediately!"

"Honey, we didn't want to disrupt your life-" She tried to explain, but every reason she could come up with just didn't feel good enough.

How could she go two months without telling me?!

"MY LIFE?! YOU'RE DYING!YOU'RE FUCKING DYING MOM!AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!"

"Leighton, please-" she tried again, guilt resting on her facial features as she stared at me with so much remorse, that it made me feel like I was going to throw up.

"NO! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!"

"Leigh, you already had so much-"

I cut her off, "YOU'RE MY MOTHER!" my harsh words creating even more tension.

I couldn't breathe. I felt like every inhale I took, I was choking on the exhale, my heart pounding in my chest, my hands not knowing whether to clench or shake as my feet tried to hold me upright, keep me steady and alert.

I can't do this anymore.

"And I'm sorry, okay!" she snapped, her eyes hardening as she defended herself, shifting to sit up straighter in bed, never once taking her eyes off of me.

"SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! IT WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!" I yelled, feeling my shell start to crack. "Sorry isn't good enough" I whispered, my body hunching forward, threatening to fall to my knees as I tried to pull myself together.

My head hung low as I panted heavily, my eyes shut tightly.

"Leighton, baby, come here" I heard her say, but I shook my head, my body falling into a crouching position, my head in my hands before looking up at her through my blurred vision, my lips parting as I choked on my words, shaking my head.

"Honey, come here. It's okay, come here" She encouraged, but when I shook my head again, my body trembling, I heard the bed squeak before her arms wrapped around my shaking body, kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Baby, shh, it's okay" She soothed, my body shaking even more as a sob rippled through my chest. "It's going to be okay honey"

"It's not okay! Stop saying it's okay!" I cried, wanting to hug her closer, but also shove her away. "I'm losing you again!" I sobbed, my knuckles digging into my closed eyelids, rubbing harshly as I tried to stop the stinging.

"Okay" She spoke with defeat, "It's not okay" She breathed out, shaking her head, her face moving side to side from how watery my eyes were. "But I'm going to be okay, okay?" She said, nodding with a small smile on her face, her thumb wiping away some of my tears. "I'm okay baby, I'll be okay" She reassured me, her hands staying on my face as I shook my head, my head falling in exhaustion as I cried harder, continuing to shake my head in disagreement. "Leighton baby, it's okay. Shh, it's okay. I'm okay" She kept saying, and I couldn't speak. I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole and take me away from all of this pain.

"I can't lose you" I choked out, my eyes stinging as the tears poured, my chest tight and my throat closed making it extremely hard to talk, my body feeling like it was crumbling beneath me.

"You're not losing me, sunshine" She said softly, her hand moving to my heart, "I'll always be here" she said, before picking up my hand where my tattoo was, "and here" she smiled, running her fingers over my heart, moon and stars tattoo, "and here" She repeated, her finger running along where I had the name "Gemma" on my collarbone. "and you named my beautiful granddaughter after me, and she'll carry an amazing legacy for me" She whispered, her voice also cracking, "She's going to do great things, and I want you to cherish that little girl the same way I cherished you. — Yes baby, I'm dying... but my name isn't. I'm not going anywhere honey, and I promise to be with you every single day. Afterall, I want to watch my grandchildren grow up" She smiled at me, her eyes also tear filled when I finally looked at her, my arms wrapping around her neck, "I don't want you to leave us" I confessed, feeling completely pathetic. "G needs to know her grandmother"

"Leighton, I'm not going anywhere for a long time. We all will die one day, it's inevitable" She tried to reason with me, but it didn't make me feel any better. "I don't want you worrying about what's going to happen to me honey, that's why I didn't say anything. You're twenty two, and you've already grown up so much..." She paused, her voice sounding remorseful. "I'm still your mother Leigh, I wanted to protect you. I wanted to save you from this" She motioned to my current position, "I hate how much I've put you kids through. You guys didn't deserve that"

"You can't control it mom" I whispered, pulling myself together enough to get up and wipe the tears away, taking a somewhat deep breath. "Sorry for my outburst" I apologized, immediately realizing how selfish I sounded. "I'm so sorry you're cancer is back, and that it isn't treatable" I frowned, wishing I could take this pain away from her. I hated that she had to go through this again, and that she was out of ways she could cure it.

My anger went into sadness, knowing if I felt hopeless, I couldn't imagine how she felt. She's been living with this knowledge for two months...

"Hey mom?" I asked, hearing her hum as a response. "How are you handling the news?"

"I'm okay sunshine, I've been through this before... and honestly, hearing it was terminal was sad, and scary... but then I realized that I had time to finally hang out with my family.. and really spend time with my kids, and my grandkids... and I have closure in knowing that this is the end. There is no more fight after this. I will do my best Leighton, I promise you that... but honey, I've fought.I've been fighting.. for a long time baby, I've made it this far, I can do this" She reassured me, and I wasn't sure if she was putting on a front for me, or if she was serious. "And the fact that you named your daughter after me truly means a lot. I don't plan on leaving you guys anytime soon, and I'm sorry we didn't tell you.. I just didn't know how. It's hard to tell your kids that you're sick, not to mention it not being curable.. and honestly, I was nervous. The last time you found out I had cancer.. it didn't go very well, and you're finally figuring out your life, and honey, I can tell you're happy. I don't know what's going on with you and Colby, but I can tell you're happy. I can see that whatever is going on with your relationships, and Gemma, and your friends and living situation.. you're happy, even if you're stressed.. and I didn't want to ruin that. I didn't want to set you back, or change your path. I'm your mother honey, and a real mother protects her children from hurt and pain as best as they can, and I just.. I didn't want to hurt you again Leighton"

"Mom, you shouldn't have to worry about me, you're sick-"

"Leighton Rae, you're my daughter. I'm always going to worry about you. The way you feel about Gemma now, doesn't go away. That worry, that nervousness, wanting to protect her from things... that does not go away and I wouldn't change a thing. I care, and love all of my children, and I hate that we all have to go through this... but we're all going to be okay. Don't stress about it, live your life and let me celebration with you. I've lived a pretty full life, and like I said, I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. I'm just going to be a little more run down again. We've done this before, and we'll do it again." She reassured me, her eyes holding a look of certainty, "I love you Leighton Rae Fox, and I'm so incredibly proud of you." She said, and I felt instant tears, my chin quivering as she continued. "I want you to know that." She looked me dead in the eyes, her face full of admiration, my world feeling like it was stopping at the words 'proud of you', not knowing how long I've wanted to hear her say that. "I'm so proud of you and how far you've come. You're turning your life around, you have a gorgeous daughter; you've met some incredible friends..." she paused, my hands yet again wiping at the fallen tears, my heart racing even faster at every single word. "I just.. I know you've been through a lot, and you've had a hard time... but Leighton, you're going to mess up, you're going to have bad days.. but honey, look at you." she paused, my eyes squeezed shut as I nodded quickly, holding back a sob, "Leighton, look at me" she spoke with a serious tone, my eyes slowly opening, the room blurred from my tears. "You're trying to turn things around, and create a good life for your daughter, and surround yourself with good people. You at 16, and you at 22 are two very different people. I don't want you to think that I didn't think you couldn't handle it, I just... you're doing so good baby, and I didn't want to ruin that. I wasn't trying to keep a secret, or never tell you.. it's just not an easy thing to tell anyone, let alone your children"

She's proud of me.

A loud sob fell from my lips as I covered my face, feeling relief wash over me as her words registered in my head. I felt like I could finally breathe.

She no longer sees me as her daughter who constantly fucks up and couldn't stay clean... She's proud of me.

"Baby" She pouted, grabbing my arm and pulling me into her.

"You're proud of me" I repeated, my cries making my words sound like a whine as I tried to process everything she just said.

I couldn't even articulate how I felt after hearing those words fall from her lips.

"Yes honey, I am proud of you. I am proud of all of my children, but Leighton Rae, you have struggled the most by far, and honey, you're incredible! Yes it fucking sucks to work through, and I know you've had a hard time, but baby, look at you. You're a strong, kindhearted woman who cares for anyone you come across... that's all I've wanted for you sunshine. You've met people who care about you, and support you. People who stand up for you, and would take a bullet for you, and your daughter. I don't worry anymore Leighton. I don't sit at home anymore and wait by the phone for an urgent call, telling me you're in the ER. I don't have to worry anymore baby, and god it feels good to be able to breathe again, and know you're okay. That If I did die, you're going to be okay" She started getting emotional, the words "mom" slipping from my lips, my tone full of guilt, but she shook her head, "Leighton, it was scary. For so long I was afraid to leave you alone. When you were kicked out of the house, I was terrified. I was terrified that if I died, you'd OD, or that... that... when I wasn't there for you, like how I had been.. you'd overdose.. or.. or.. slit your wrists.. and just.. just knowing that you were-"

"Mom, please" my voice cracked, my body crouched at her bedside as I held her hands in mine, watching a tear slip down her cheek.

"Baby" her voice wavered, "it was scary.. and then... when you went back to rehab.. I was nervous, but Leighton.. we're going through this process again, but so many things are different. You're not sixteen anymore. You're not a scared teenager who needs her mother. Yes, you need me; but I know you'll be okay without me. I don't want to see you on the other side of that bright light until you're having a nurse change your diaper" she spoke in a serious tone, a chuckle leaving my lips as I shook my head at her, a smile on my face. She took a deep breath, her throat swallowing before she glanced back over at me, "I know that if I die, you'll still be alive, living a good, happy, healthy life.. and that gives me contentment. I know that my kids have each other, and that dad has you guys for support.. My family WILL be okay. Lexi and Landon are going to be 18, and I trust that if they're stupid you and Logan will beat the crap out of them" She eyed me, a smile tugging at her lips. A laugh fell through my own cries, nodding. "And just because Landon is gay, does not mean he can't still be a player, and I'll be damned if Landon is anything like Logan in college. I mean it Leighton-" She grinned as I laughed, nodding as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"I know mom"

"We are going to be okay, and I know that when I do leave this earth, you've got so many people here by not only your side, but your siblings too." I felt her hand come to my chin, forcing me to look at her, "You're a big girl now, and can make big girl decisions.. but baby, you better not let him go" She said, confusing me. "That boy has fallen head over heels in love with you honey, and he's so good to you. Yes, people fight, and shit happens... but Leighton, a mother knows, and I'm telling you not to let him go. Did you know that he keeps in contact with the twins? Even though you're across the country? That he picked up Lexi when she got stranded when her car broke down? Or that he was there for Landon after you AND Logan left? Baby, he cares not only about you, but your family"

"He did that?" I whispered, extremely caught off guard.

She nodded, "I just don't want you to get scared, and shove him away honey. I know things with your past relationships have been rough... but preserve Leighton. I knew the moment that boy stepped his foot into my home, that lives were changing, and when you both disappeared upstairs during that movie, I thought for sure you kids were up to no good" She laughed, earning a giggle from me, my cheeks turning pink as I quickly shook my head.

'We didn't-" I started, but she cut me off, "I know"

"He's so good for you honey" She said in a dreamy tone, her eyes looking like they had stars in them, "The way he swooped in to help with your pregnancy, and Gemma's birth, and caring for her whilst you were bettering yourself. I can see the love and adoration in his eyes when he looks at you. You're both naïve and scared, and sunshine, that's okay... but just... don't let a good one go just because things get hard. When life is shitty, you need someone by your side to help you sift through it, and it's not like Aaliyah is anywhere to be found" She pursed her lips, my eyes involuntarily rolling at her slight jab.

"She's been busy mom, she has a life of her own"

Mom's tongue clicked with distaste, her chin lifting, "Friends are there for each other"

"Mom" I exhaled, "She's busy in Tennessee, trying to help River with his family"

"Leighton, she's distancing herself" Mom frowned, "I'm not going to argue with you, I'm just saying I'm glad you've found yourself a good support system. That will really help with your recovery" She added, a small chuckle leaving my lips.

"Now you're just sounding like Logan"

"What can I say! He's always been a momma's boy!" she grinned, making me smile at how happy she looked right now, before dark cloudy thoughts made my face fail.

"I miss him" I whispered, my big brother's face flashing into my head, the memory of when I went over to meet Nova being front and center.

"I do too honey, but he's doing something he loves" She reminded me, her hand softly brushing hair out of my face. "You know he loves you, and misses you too" She said softly and I nodded, desperately wishing I could hug him right now.

"You're not allowed to die before he comes home" I warned with a joking undertone, a smile tugging at my lips.

"I'll be damned if I don't pick up my son from the airport" She scoffed, her smile matching my own.

"I love you mom" I murmured, standing up to hug her.

"I love you Leighton" she hummed, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm sorry you're going through this again"

"I'm sorryyou'rehaving to go through this again"

"Hey" Colby greeted me in the hallway, "How did it go with your mom?" I ignored him, widening my arms to envelope him in a hug. "Oh — okay" he spoke out of surprise, his arms wrapping around me as inhaled his scent, leaning against his chest, "Everything okay?" I shook my head, hugging him tighter, mumbling "I'm sorry" against his chest.

"For what?" He hummed, his lips brushing against the top of my head.

I sighed, "For everything"

Colby pulled away, keeping his arms around my waist as he looked at me, "What do you need Leighton? How can I help?"

I puckered my lips, stepping on my tip-toes. He cracked a smile, reaching me halfway, pressing his lips into mine. The soft sound of our kiss filled the hallway, both of us reluctantly pulling away. "I'm sorry for being a mess" I apologized quietly, my hands sliding up his waist, stopping at his ribs.

"I thought you knew I liked it messy?" He replied without missing a beat, smirking when my lips parted out of surprise, "Colby!" He leaned down, trapping my lower lip between his, tugging slightly before leaving a soft peck. I could feel the smile against my skin when I involuntarily let out a sigh of content, leaning into his touch. "I'm ready to go home" I murmured, resting the side of my head against his chest.

He frowned, "Your flight is in three days-" confused when I shook my head. "Take me back to your house Colby"

A tight lipped grin appeared on his face as he intertwined our hands with a nod of his head, "Then let's go get our girl"

The car ride back was weird. I was definitely lost in my thoughts half the time, the sounds of Gemma's babbling behind me pulling me back to the present, along with Colby's thumb swiping across my knuckles.

It was weird to have my mind racing with what if's, and how comes, whilst my partner's thumb brushed against my skin, bringing me back down to earth and soothing my anxiety.

The way his finger ran across my knuckles gave me a sense of security, and I couldn't help but feel weird about it.

I was so used to being on my own, that having him being right by my side whilst I found out this life changing news, and having him be so comforting and supportive was a whole new concept to me.

"I'm sorry you've had a shitty day Leighton" Colby apologized when we stopped at a stoplight, turning to face me.

"It's not your fault" I mumbled, my head leaning against the cold window.

"I know this is not the time to ask... but have you thought at all about moving back home?"

The moment a groan left my lips, I heard him chuckle and felt him squeeze my hand, mummering out a "sorry"

"No, it's not you.. it's just.. I'm so tired, you know? I feel like I can't think straight"

"So you don't want to go out clubbing?" He joked, a small chuckle leaving my lips, shaking my head.

"No, I think I'll pass. I don't think it's cute passing out in a club, when you're not even drunk"

"It's fine, I have more fun ways I could get you to pass out" he spoke nonchalantly, making me choke on my laugh, my hand covering my nose.

"Was that supposed to sound sexy?" I snickered, "And they say romance is did" I teased, a grin on my face.

"The best for my best" he replied with a smirk.

"Stop whilst you're ahead"

"Have I ever told you how hot you look cradling my baby in your arms?" I asked, eyeing him up.

He was in some comfy PJ pants that were low on his hips, lacking a shirt whilst his arms flexed holding Gemma against his chest.

He looked up from the baby in his arms, his eyes holding a sparkle to them, "I think once or twice — Are you really thinking about me like that whilst I hold your innocent daughter in my arms?"

I nodded, smiling as I bit my lower lip, "She makes you ten times hotter, sorry"

His jaw dropped as he watched me watch over towards him, my arm sneaking under his, around his waist, leaning down to brush my lips against my sleeping child as he spoke, "I'm not hot on my own?"

"You are, but this sight is making my ovaries explode" I leaned up to kiss his jaw, his height making me not be able to reach his lips without extra effort.

"Hm, well we don't want that now do we"

"I think you should go put our sleeping girl down so I can show you just how hot you looked" I mumbled against him, kissing against his neck.

Colby gave me a weird look, but left the room, having put Gemma's bed in the guest room for her naps.

I went to the bathroom quickly, making sure I didn't look too crazy, and that my face wasn't too puffy from crying.

"Babe?" I heard Colby call out, cueing me to emerge from his bathroom, Colby plugging his phone in by his table.

"One sec!"

I ran my fingers through my hair once more, tugging Colby's shirt to be off my shoulder a bit, exposing my collarbone a bit.

I looked like shit, but I guess this is what I have to work with right now.

When I walked out of the bathroom, Colby's back was towards me, sitting on the bed as he scrolled through his phone.

I snuck up behind him, wrapping my arms around his chest, "Thank you for today" I said softly, kissing the back of his neck. I felt him freeze under me, before relax when he heard my voice, setting his phone down.

"For what?"

"Being there for me today, not judging me for crying"

His neck turned to look at me, struggling a bit as he replied, "Leighton, you got awful news today, why would I judge you for crying?"

"I don't like feeling like a cry baby, and Gabe used to get mad at me for being overly dramatic"

Colby sighed, standing up, confusing me, only to sit down facing me.

"Gabe can go fuck himself. He's no longer your boyfriend, I am, and you're allowed to cry. You're allowed to get mad, and yell.You're allowed to feel"

I leapt forward, my arms around his neck as I pushed us down on the bed, my lips finding his quickly, feeling him gasp out of surprise.

"Leighton-"

"Please Colby" I whined against him, rocking my hips against his.

"Leighton" He sighed, pulling away, my lips moving down his jaw to his neck. "You've had a long day, we can't do this" He tried, but I moved back to his lips, shutting him up.

"Please baby" I whimpered, "I want you so fucking bad"

"Leighton, I really don't think this is a good idea" He started to reason with me, a soft groan leaving his lips as I rocked my hips against him again.

"Please" I begged, not caring how pathetic I sounded.

I wanted him so bad.

"I don't want us to regret this Leigh, you mean more to me than a quick fuck — god" he groaned, my hips rolling against his, his hands moving to grab my hips, stopping my movements.

"I'm not going to regret it Colby, please" I panted, leaning down to kiss him, only to pout when he moved his face. "Colby!"

"You're not on birth control Leighton"

"Don't you have condoms?"

"They can break, I don't want to risk it"

I huffed, pushing myself up and rolling off of him. "So we're never having sex then?"

"Why are you getting upset?" He asked, annoying me even more.

"I'm horny and you won't fuck me!"

I heard him chuckle, my hand blindly flipping him off, only to feel him grab my hand and kiss my knuckles before he hovered above me.

"I'd love to fuck the hell out of you right now, but you've had a hard day, and I don't want our first time to be attached to today, okay? I don't want my memory of our first time being the night you found out your mom has a terminal illness"

"I hate you" I muttered, sighing.

"I love you too" he chuckled, kissing me once more. "I promise, the next time you want to get into my pants, I'll let you, just.. not under these circumstances, okay?"

"Fine, but you better shimmy down and make me cum or I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom" I threated, wanting the ache to go away.

I heard his soft hum against my skin, sending a shiver down my skin before feeling his soft kisses work against my neck, my back arching against him when he found my sweet spot, a desperate moan encouraging him.

"Fuck" I groaned, pushing my hips hard against him, his mouth moving to my collarbone, his hand keeping my hips pressed against the bed.

His hands grabbed the hem of his shirt, drawing it up my waist above my boobs, his mouth kissing my sternum before moving to my nipple.

The second he hummed, creating a beautiful tingle sensation through my body, I felt like I was going to cum right then and then, but then he sucked and I truly lost it, my head being thrown back as I moaned.

"Feel good baby? Bet I could get you off by just messing with your nipples" he teased, moving to mess my other one.

"Fuck, I'm sensitive" I whined, knowing that if he did too much it would no longer be enjoyable.

Colby kissed back up to my neck, his lips brushing over my ear, "Tell me when it no longer feels good, if it's too much, or if you dislike something. It's all about you, Leighton"

My eyes squeezed shut at his words, resisting the urge to moan at how hot his voice sounded.

I nodded, feeling his hand mess with the the band of my shorts, dipping beneath the fabric, three of his fingers rubbing across my underwear.

"God" he groaned, "You weren't fucking kidding, you're so wet"

I nodded, trying to move my hips against his hand.

I felt him push my underwear to the side, two of his fingers coming in contact with my cunt, feeling him coat his fingers in my arousal before softly brushing over my center.

Soft moans fell from my lips, trying to keep quiet.

"They're not here baby, let me hear you"

I groaned, biting my lip hard as he messed with my clit, my stomach clenching at the feeling.

"Please go down on me" I begged, wanting to feel his soft warm tongue against my aching cunt, needing to feel him play my clit and run over my folds. "God, your fingers feel good, but please Colby!" I cried.

He stayed quiet which confused me, until I felt him tug at my shorts, my hips lifting off the bed to be helpful, surprised when he pulled my underwear along with them.

"Fuck baby, I can see your fucking arousal from here" He moaned, his arms flexing under his weight as he hovered above my waist.

I wasn't too proud to beg, especially right now. The ache was too strong to play games.

"Colby I swear to go-od" I moaned at the end, my eyes squeezing shut at the feel of his tongue against me, my hips pushing down against him as my back arched, wanting to feel more.

I felt his tongue flick over my clit, feeling him smirk as I moaned, his hands teasing my center.

"Fuck, you taste good" He groaned, leaving a soft kiss against my throbbing clit, a low guttural hum coming from my throat, my hand reaching down for his hair, wanting him back against me.

The second my hips tried to rock against him, I felt his hand slap my cunt, my back arching even more as I groaned, my eyes rolling back at the sensation of it.

"Patience" He warned, a whine involuntarily falling from my lips.

His two fingers created a V against me, spreading my arousal against my vaginal lips, going right around my aching center and throbbing clit.

I opened my eyes, curious as to what he was doing, just to see him dip his head down and feel his slick tongue quickly flick against my cunt, my cries for attention going unnoticed.

"Your hole is fucking clenching baby, you're that desperate? You'll clench around nothing, showing me how needy you are?" He mocked, the tip of his finger teasing my hole, my body groaning at his games.

"Please!" I cried, the ache becoming unbearable.

I wanted to feel the burn, to feel his warmth. I wanted him inside of me now, but he was refusing and toying with me, making this so much worse.

He finally pumped his finger into me whilst his tongue played with my clit, my stomach fluttering at the feeling, a loud moan leaving my lips as I breathed in relief, my head rolling to the side feeling him move his finger in me.

"Colby" I breathed out, leaning up on my elbows, "Can you — fuck that feels good, Can you smack my clit again, please" I begged, not caring that I was making a fool out of myself.

I saw him smirk, his hand coming in contact with my clit, feeling the burn, my stomach clenching at the feeling.

He added another finger into me, but it didn't feel enough. I still wanted more.

"Please!" I cried, my hand tugging at his hair as I pushed him against me, groaning at the feel of his hand pinching my nipple.

"Please what, baby? What do you need?" He asked, his hand moving effortlessly against me, his lips kissing up my stomach, to my collarbone and finally my lips.

"Please fuck me" I cried, my hips starting to rock against him, the warmth becoming stronger as my legs started to quiver.

My eyes rolled back at how quick his hands were moving in me, his lips attached to my neck, ignoring my request as he sucked and played with my skin.

"FUCK! Please! PLEASE! COLBY!" I cried out, my back hitting the mattress, my breaths becoming even hotter and more heavy as I started to writhe beneath him.

"Come for me Leighton" He courage and I fucking lost it when he rutted against my thigh, my moans stumbling over each other.

"Fuck, that's hot" I breathed out, my hips moving against him, rubbing my thigh against his pajama pants. "Take them off, please! I want to feel you so fucking bad" I groaned, trying to move my thigh quicker against him, which also made my hips rock against his fingers.

"I'll have to remove my fingers from you to do that baby" he said softly, his lips moving back to my neck, surely leaving hickies behind.

We were both breathing heavily, moans and groans filling the room as we rocked against each other.

"I want to feel you cum against me, please! I want to feel your cum hit my skin"

"Fuck" He groaned, slipping his fingers out of me to quickly shimmy out of his pajama pants and boxer briefs. "You have no idea how fucking hot you are, come here" His hand grabbed mine, flipping us so I was straddling him, my thighs on either side of his left thigh.

His hand grabbed my throat, squeezing softly as he spoke, "Ride my thigh baby, get us off, come on, if you're going to be a needy whiny little brat, you can get the both of us off yourself"

"Fuck" I groaned, feeling my throat vibrate against his hand, his hand pulling me down to him as my hips thrusted against his thigh, my orgasm building again as I quickened my pace.

I moved my hand off his chest, Colby's tongue running over my fresh hickey, a whiny moan leaving my lips, my thumb running over his slit, feeling his precum.

I smirked to myself, bringing my thumb up to my lips, sucking my thumb off in front of him, gaining satisfaction when I heard him groan, feeling his hips rut up against me.

"I'm so fucking close" I warned, feeling how wet I was under his thigh, my hands moving to rest on the mattress on either side of his head, wanting to ride his thigh from a better angle, needing to feel him press against my clit to truly get me off.

"Fucking hell, this feels go good!Fuck" I cried, tucking slightly at his cock, annoying me, but I didn't have enough support on one hand to help him, and hold myself up, thanking god when he took charge and flipped us over, moving his hips hard against me, his pants and groans filling the space as I focused on not coming undone before he was ready.

"Cum Leighton. I know you want to. I can fucking see it written all over your body. FUCK!" He groaned, my thighs shaking as I started to leak, not being able to hold it anymore. "Fucking Cum, god that's so hot, oh my god you're fucking leaking! Jesus christ, come on baby, cum for me. I fucking need it Leighton, give it to me!"

"Oh god!" I cried, feeling Colby's hands quickly work my clit, as I rocked against him, going silent as my body arched, feeling the liquid go down my thighs.

"Please cum on me!" I breathlessly begged, knowing he was also close.

"Fuck, you look so hot right now" He grunted, his hand quickly moving against his cock, the slick sounds making me find all my strength to sit up on my elbows, watching his hand work his cock, his wrist snapping at how close he was.

"I'm so fucking close, lay out for me baby"

I leaned back so my head was softly grazing the pillow, still sat up on my elbows, my back arched with my stomach and boobs on display for him, my thighs spread out in front of him, fresh arousal coating my red cunt, eyes shut as I heard his groans get loader, his breathing being a full pant.

"Fuck you look so hot right now, stick out your tongue baby" He instructed, my body listening to his orders before I could even process the request. "I'm going to cum above your belly button" He warned and I nodded, desperate to feel his warm thick liquid against me.

The second I felt his cum splatter against my stomach, we both were moaning, my hips rocking against the best without my knowledge, basking in the feeling of his release on my skin.

"Fuck" I moaned, my eyes opening to see Colby sat in front of me, panting. "Can I make an odd request?" I asked softly, trying to come down from my intense orgasm.

"Hm?" He hummed, my cheeks going pink at the thought.

"Can you um.. can you lick your cum off of me?" I asked, afraid to see his reaction.

I had asked this once before, and got shut down immediately, so I was afraid that I was going to ruin the moment by trying to give into one of my desires.

"I can do even better baby" he said, confusing me, until I watched him lean down, licking up my cunt, keeping my cum on his tongue before moving to his own release, swiping it off my stomach as breathing was heavy, feeling his tongue glide against my skin made me feel feral.

He showed me his tongue that had both of our releases mixed together before smirking, and leaning down to kiss me, slipping his tongue into my mouth, letting me feel the thick substance against his warm tongue.

His tongue moved against mine, spreading both of our orgasms against our tongues before pulling away, smirking at the moan that left my lip.

"You better swallow baby"

* * * *

Happy Thanksgiving lmao

This chapter went from 5.2k to 7.1k when I added the smut-

Written on: November 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, 24th 2022

Published on: November 24th 2022

Word Count: 7135

Part Thirty Eight

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