#I'd do the rest of the characters but. no. seven is enough :')

[simonisferal]

view me as a god — self aware (yandere) wanderer x gn reader

warnings: self aware au, reader is viewed as the player, reader is obsessed with genshin in the beginning, codependency (aether and wanderer), wanderer develops a victim mentality, traveler is a goat, aether is he/they (you'll know what I'm talking about)

notes: wanderer lore spoilers to those who haven't read, that one event in 1.6 spoilers to those who haven't played; if my account were self aware, i'd actually kms — the characters don't need to see my bio 😭 / i didnt know what team to put him with so i used my own / congrats king on your second rerun 🙏

it was never intended to be taken this far. this little game you've played for years without end had begun to take your social life away and left you in the dark, the only light you saw was the one on your screen.

the sweet voices of the characters , the beautiful scenery and designs, and the story of the fictional world was so alluring you barely slept. thank god your career had the option of working at home so no other potential coworker could've said something about your disheveled hair or your unpleasant smell.

your life was as perfect as can be as long as you see a picture or anything related to your video game! codependency? what is that? shh, you can survive an hour without it!

fuck. once in his many lives, he had never felt so cold. what was wrong with him?

with every name he gained, another tie to his joints tightened its grip on the wanderer, trapping him from the pleasant feel on calmness but the name the traveler gave it felt so pure and warm like a toasty fireplace during the snow. the puppet hadn't felt any warmth in his body since niwa's irreversible death as his still-beating and bleeding heart has been put inside the chest of wanderer. but now it was gone, just like the other feelings of happiness and sweet childish dreams.

"traveler? why'd we stop?" xiangling asks as she helped bennett sit down beside the anemo statue of seven in windrise to heal his injuries as quickly as possible. layla helps the poor boy eat something she packed into her inventory.

the traveler could only stay silent before letting out a small whisper as the wind slows down, the statue of seven only shining so dimly, not like it does when it feels something — someone greater. "i don't feel it anymore." they sit down on the broken stone steps leading to the statue.

"feel? feel what?" layla mutters, laying her head on the globe she keeps near as she rests her eyes. the traveler doesn't respond as they look through their bag for something. they obviously panic, their chest falling down and rising up quicker than a rabbit's. their golden chest plaque dims ever so slightly, just as the windrise statue's light. "the, uhh... uhm, the wind."

of course the idiots fell for it, wanderer thinks as he hears the collective agreement from his party. he doesn't bother setting down his hat as he sits beside a totem near the staircase, not bothering to show his respect to the anemo god or his peers. they're just there to help him please them, to eliminate any obstacle in the traveler's way as their form of appreciation for what they've done for their accounted nations. but they, not the traveler but they weren't pleased.

is that the reason wanderer couldn't feel their warmth? he didn't attack fast enough, hit hard enough, dodge quick enough? was he not enough for the person behind the stars? the dweller who called "earth" their home?

"why are we in windrise, if i can ask?" layla sits beside the traveler. her curls curl around her while her golden accents let out small hymns. "to... to uhh...heal bennett. i do feel very bad for him with his bad luck and all..."

wanderer knew it was a white lie. sure, bennett had been hurt badly even with layla's shielding and guoba's defensive demeanor towards the poor child and his bad luck was only getting worse with the amount of constant traveling the party did but really, all the traveler wanted to do was rest and wait for that feeling.

the feeling of being monitored, not as a prisoner but as a fragile thing, to be cared for and used as a hollow doll—no need to lift a finger unless told to and loved for their hard work—the work they didn't even do. to be drowned in affection, suffocated with praises, and shot with care and pity. something that the wanderer despised so much but craved so badly.

not by anyone, no. no one, no mortal or god could make him feel this way, but something hidden, someone hidden behind a mask, the stars, and celestia itself was waiting for him, wanting him, caring for him like he was.

when he couldn't dodge an attack, he was healed instantly. when he had no energy, it was replenished right before his eyes. when he wanted to be stronger, he became just that. it was a complicated choice between his morals and integrity or his selfish desires and temptations.

bennett didn't heal as fast as he does when the greater person behind the screen is there. he blames it on his bad luck but both the traveler and wanderer know what's really wrong. his pale face slowly turns back to his tanner complexion as time moves forward and everyone decides to rest up a bit before the night ends.

it's been too long since the feeling went away.

"[wanderer]! is it okay if you're on watch duty?" that name. it felt like a childhood lullaby, something the elderly women of tatarasuna would sing him to sleep when he was awoken by nightmares. that name was his, something he held to with genuine pride, not like his other disdainful names that were given by cruel people or joking jesters.

"alright." there's no sigh, groan, or remark afterwards to everyone's surprise. it only happens once in a blue moon and you know damn well that they took it to heart.

layla and xiangling slept beside bennett while aether sat where he was with his eyes closed. there was a moment of silence where it was just beautiful.

the crystalflies didn’t hide from the characters, an anemo one landing on layla’s nose and on the top of the wanderer’s hat. the wind blew ever so softly and for a moment, the wanderer could feel that warmth again.

“what’s up with you?” the traveler asked. his eyes stayed close but they were attentive like always.

“nothing.”

“liar.”

wanderer frowns and slightly turns his head to see them. a smile grew on their face and they sat up, opening their eyes and looking directly at him. “you felt it, didn’t you?” the wanderer looks away.

“do you always ask dumb questions?”

the traveler beside him stifles a laugh. “they’re not dumb,” they pause. they have a visible frown painted on their face now. “you know, don’t you?”

“what? that there’s some being out there controlling us, that the world shifts to their liking, or that you can practically see their face written in those damned stars?”

they stay silent. how’d he even know? was it that meteorite from long ago? “yeah, i guess.”

the wanderer scoffs at his companion's vagueness. “i’m tired of being a vessel.” that was obviously a lie. he can’t remember the last time he actually enjoyed serving someone, let alone helping if it wasn’t for his own personal gain. it felt nice being used (which is something he never thought he’d ever think).

aether sighs, leaning on the totem. they closed their eyes, "wake me up later then."

the wanderer scoffed. "i'm not your alarm," he says but he doesn't complain any further, simply watching over his teammates, the ones you assigned him, with a faint frown on his face. just where were you?

you quickly sweep your phone off of your desk once you come back from an errand. it was only a few minutes but still! you need your game to thrive at work, remember?

it had been days to them. they were at windrise, where you left them, your whole team. thank the gods. everyone was awake and ready to be used as characters.

you continued what you were doing prior to your errand, collecting crystalflies and flowers for your characters' ascensions.

wanderer didn't tell anyone he felt your warmth.

he shouldn't, he couldn't—wouldn't. no one else had suffered like him, it was unfair for those who didn't deserve it to bask in the sweet feeling of your muse. everything bad happened to him; nothing ever bad happened to anyone else.

nahida was right; he needs help!

your help. you were the only one who could help him, help the poor wanderer who had cried and groveled at your feet centuries ago, begging for a god greater than the gods to take care of him and help him—you!

you put him through all this pain to help him in the end, right? to free him, make him truly himself and not part human or puppet but himself again.

his salvation wasn't leaving him; he wouldn't let it happen.

[sleepytoycollection]

Barbie Dream Besties "Brooklyn": A review

Barbie Dream Besties is a newly released doll line by Mattel, and is a spin off of their main Barbie line. Looks wise, they seem to be a spiritual successor to My Scene, Ever After high, and the more recent Barbie Extra/Barbie Extra Minis. Also trying desperately to compete with LOL and Rainbow High.

They are $20 USD each retail.

I was interested in these for three reasons: 1) I liked Ever After High and My Scene. 2) They have much more quality outfits than I tend to see from modern Barbie. 3) @queenofsquids enjoyment of them made me hopeful I'd like them too.

So do I? Let's find out.

I choose the character Brooklyn as I like her face up the best.

Her packaging is the standard plastic clam shell that seems to be all over the doll aisle anymore. I can't say I love it. I miss the cardboard boxes, so much easier to open and so much less plastic.

This box isn't super great aesthetically either. There's a lot going on in the service of nothing.

Which is a shame, because I do really like the actual character art on the box. It's super cute and matches the dolls really well. It would pop even better if the rest of the box was a smidge simpler. Sometimes less is more.

The back of the box.

We get more of this delightful artwork, showing of the full set of characters available at the moment.

We also get a short character bio for Brooklyn. She wants to be a choreographer, loves making dance routines, video editing, and creative writing. Despite her favorite color being listed as pink, she has no pink in her outfit and only one pink accessory.

Here is the box without the cover. This is what I meant when I said the box design was doing a lot for nothing. Over packaging isn't just a problem with Mattel dolls of course, MGA is arguably worse, but it's still frustrating.

Brooklyn herself is very pretty though. I tried very hard to pick one without a wonky face, but the way she's posed makes it very hard to tell.

I think one of her eyes is slightly bigger than the other. It's not enough to bother me at least. That said, so many of these were VERY wonky at the store. I would not buy these online unless you can see the specific doll you're getting. The QC is all over the place.

Here are all the accessories she comes with.

I do appreciate that all her accessories tie into her interests and character. That said, these are hit and miss.

The purse is nice, and does open.

The dog is okay, but I don't really care for these types of doll pets. It looks more like an in-universe toy than what's supposed to be an animal.

I initially liked that the phone and case were separate, until I tried to put the phone in the case and it didn't fit. It will not go in there. If I force it in, it just pops right back out.

It's a shame because I liked the 80's Barbie logo case, but without the phone in it, it looks weird when the doll is holding it.

At least the phone fits into the ring light stand.

May I also say some of these accessories feel really flimsy? The phone and Ipad are VERY thin plastic.

The boom box in hollow and unpainted.

I wish instead of having seven mid accessories we could've had two or three really good ones. Or nixed all of them and given her a stand. The doll herself is nice enough to deserve a stand I think.

Let's look at Brooklyn. She's pretty darn cute. She stands at the standard 11", and has saran hair with tinsel.

Her outfit isn't my favorite though. Mattel stop giving your dolls ugly fur sleeved varsity jackets challenge. This could've been so cute as just a regular varsity jacket.

Despite being ugly, the jacket is made pretty well. Though a button was already falling off mine. That poor QC strikes again.

Though I suppose it's moot as I doubt I'll ever put this jacket back on her ever again.

Now that she's free of that ugly thing, you can see how nice the rest of her outfit is. I didn't realize how much I missed dolls getting to wear neutrals until I saw her plain denim skirt and white tank top.

It's simple, but she's dressed like a real person. Plus, I can easily pair these pieces with a lot of other outfits. Doll wardrobes need pieces like this for mixing and matching.

Body wise she's a bit smaller than Barbie, and her feet are a little bit larger. This body reminds me a lot of the current bodies for the Disney Princess line now that Mattel has it back, though those have larger feet. If I can find the one I have, I'll do a body comparison to those later.

Her sculpt in three views. The Ever After High comparisons are very apt, though the screening itself is more reminiscent of My Scene mixed with a little bit of G3 Monster High.

For comparison, here's an actual EAH doll next to her. Brooklyn's head is just a smidge larger, but balanced out better with larger eyes, thicker brows, and bigger lips.

After this, I got Brooklyn redressed with just a few changes...

I replaced her jacket with this vintage Barbie and the Rockers one, added a necklace, and hey! Now she gets to wear her favorite color.

Final thoughts?

It's a good doll, but the quality control issues, on top of the same BS Mattel throws on all of it's dolls anymore, is dragging it down.

The fact you have to look through every single one of the shelf to make sure you're not getting a crappy one is exhausting. Plus, kids don't do that. They're going to get home with their new doll and then realize as they open it something's wrong. Kids don't deserve that.

The accessories are mostly cheap and not special enough to justify their existence. The purse, phone with case, and ring light would've been enough if they were made a bit better.

The outfit is well made, and a huge improvement over what I see in the main Barbie line, even if I don't like all the design choices, but again, that's if you get one without QC issues.

The doll herself is super cute though, and screw it, I like the tinsel. Fight me.

Overall I really love this doll, I just wish picking one out wasn't a hassle. Hell, I even bought a second one already.

I got inspired enough I wanted to repaint one, so I purposely bought this wonky Renee because she had the worst face up out of everyone at the store.

So I think there's definitely potential here. If this line continues, I hope they can improve the way G3 Monster High has improved from it's first wave.

I hope this can be the start of Mattel revitalizing it's Barbie line as well. It needs it. See ya next time.

[pascaloverx]

Moonlight

Summary: You and Edward Cullen used to have a romantic relationship. But fate seemed not to believe in the possibility of a vampire and a potential she-wolf being together. Years after your separation, you return to Forks. Edward is committed to Bella Swan, and Jacob Black has his own pack. What happens when, upon your return, you begin to transform into a she-wolf and both Edward and Jacob seem eager to revisit the past with you?

Author's Note: The characters in this fanfic do not belong to me but to Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight universe. The story blends events that happened in the Twilight saga movies with invented ones. If you're enjoying the fanfic, please interact. This story will contain inappropriate language, a possible love triangle, scenes of violence, and romance. I would appreciate it if those who enjoy the fanfic could leave a comment and like (kudos). Engagement helps me know that there are still people reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter ❤

SEVEN NINE

EIGHT

Your eyes open slowly as you regain consciousness. You're in a hospital room, the first thing you notice. Your body seems to have no visible marks indicating you were in a car accident. It must have been strange explaining that to the medical staff, you assume. You feel better, though a slight headache still lingers. You notice the scent of several people in the air of your hospital room. You've had multiple visitors, it seems. One peculiar smell catches your attention—the scent of the feminine perfume you smelled on Edward before the accident. You get up, removing some of the wires connected to you. You wanted to be sure of something you suspected. As soon as you leave the hospital room, leaving behind the beeping hospital machines, you find yourself in an almost empty corridor. You walk to the hospital's waiting area, where those waiting to see a patient stay. When you arrive, you see exactly what you expected. Edward, Jacob, and a woman you can only assume is Bella. She is sitting between them, resting her head on Edward's shoulder.

"Y/N…" Jacob is the first to notice your presence. He looks worried as he quickly stands up to help you stay on your feet. You smile faintly at Jacob, relieved that he's there. You can only imagine how hard it would be to see Edward and his love together without Jacob's presence.

"I don't want to be rude, but without beating around the bush, I'd like you all to leave. Thanks for your concern, but none of you need to stay here." You're holding back tears as you say this, looking into the eyes of Edward, Bella, and Jacob.

"I'm not leaving you alone." Both Edward and Jacob say as they look at you, a bit indignant. You smile weakly but with a certain anger inside you.

"It might have seemed like a suggestion, but it was an ultimatum. Leave or I will take both of you out of here myself. I may be hurt, but I have enough strength to deal with both of you. Now, don't keep poor Bella waiting. Go." You say, looking seriously at Edward, and it seems that he and Jacob understand what's bothering you.

"I'll respect your wishes, for now. But I'll be back tomorrow; the doctor said it will probably be your discharge day, and I'll come to get you. My dad would kill me if I didn't take care of a member of my pack." Jacob speaks softly, as if he truly wants to respect your wishes. He kisses your forehead, then gives you a quick hug. Then, he leaves the hospital. Bella follows him. She's kind enough to notice that her presence isn't making things easier.

"I won't leave. I want to explain myself to you, my love." Edward says, looking at you as if you have no reason to be angry with him. You look at him with a certain anger but ignore him. You walk back to the room at a faster pace than recommended, feeling a bit dizzy when you enter. Fortunately, Edward doesn't follow you.

"Why do you make everything so complicated?" you say as you close the door and take a deep breath, initially intending to ask yourself. But you can sense that Edward, using his vampire abilities, has entered your hospital room.

"I wish I could simplify things. Make it clear that I am not the person you think I am being," Edward says, stepping through the window of your room. You continue looking at the door, perhaps out of fear of what you might feel when you turn to look into Cullen's eyes to talk.

"Vampires must have some hearing problem. I was extremely specific when I asked you to leave. Yet, you're still here. Why is it so difficult to listen to me, Mr. Cullen?" you say, somewhat angry and in a bad mood. The formal tone should indicate your lack of interest in having a discussion with Edward at the moment.

"Turning me away won’t work this time. I won’t make the same mistake twice. Yell at me, accuse me of being disloyal, hit me, but don’t try to make me leave," Edward says, as you feel him approaching while you keep your back turned to him. When his hands touch the exposed part of your back, you shiver. It’s impossible to control the immediate reflex of turning around to face him.

"Should I act like you, saying I want to be with you but secretly get involved with Jacob? That would be better, right? Is that what you want?" you say, looking into Edward's eyes. Part of you feels unjust for being so angry with him. After all, he’s betrayed Bella with you at least twice. But what right does he have to toy with you?

"I know I'm doing everything wrong. Hurting you; her, and everyone around us. Breakups are more complicated than they seem. My family still believes that she and I should be together. But I'm trying to show how important you are to me." He holds your face with both hands, making you let out a soft moan from the cold of his hands touching your warm skin.

"Maybe you shouldn’t break up with her. Our relationship might never really work out anyway. An unknown woman tried to kill me after you chose to hide from me that you were at a reconciliation dinner with your ex. Obviously, this is fate’s invisible hand saying enough." You realize what you must do while trying to convince yourself that saying goodbye to your relationship with Edward is the right choice.

"About that woman, you can be sure she'll pay for it. But I don't see how being with Bella would solve any of this mess." Edward moves even closer to you, almost as if he's going to kiss you. You shake your head, pushing the need for more contact with Edward from your mind, but your body still wants him near, that damn it.

"Do you know who that woman is? She seemed to have a personal issue with you…" The way Edward hesitates in telling you right away makes you suspicious.

"Victoria is a malevolent vampire whose boyfriend tried to harm Bella. This was early in my story with Bella. Victoria's boyfriend died because of us. This might have left her with a thirst for revenge." Edward says, and you let out a small laugh. You're in the hospital because Edward played the hero and saved his damsel in distress, which is just perfect.

"Is that why you want me around? So I can be the punching bag instead of your beloved Bella? After all, I heal faster than any human. Makes sense." You say, mocking the situation as if it's all just a joke. The funniest part is that it would indeed be the perfect scenario to ensure Bella doesn't get hurt. Making you, a lovesick fool, pay the price for something that isn't even your fault.

"I know you're hurt, but that accusation is unfounded. I've loved you for over five years. I would give my life, even if it's an immortal one, for you. You may belittle or not recognize that, but accusing me of using you is too much. Even if you don't believe that I'm committed to you, believe in my love." Edward says, pulling your face towards his. Before you can respond, he kisses you. With a deep intensity, as if declaring his feelings through the kiss.But you pull away from him after a few minutes. Your eyes already full of tears as you choke back the sobs that are caught in your throat.

"I can't believe you. Not entirely. I can't imagine for even a second that you've removed Bella from your mind, or your heart. One thing I know is that you love intensely, Edward Cullen. And for once, I need to protect myself. I don't want to be constantly wondering if your relationship with Bella is or will be greater than ours. I don't want to steal what's hers, and as much as it hurts to say this, at the moment, that's what you seem to be to me." You manage to hold back your tears until you admit that you feel Edward belongs to Bella. That seems to break something inside you. Edward also seems to feel the impact of your words.

"It's funny that you feel that way. Since you returned to this town, I feel like I’ve been nothing but yours. My existence seems to make more sense when I’m with you. But I don’t think my words will convince you not to push me out of your life for the thousandth time. And honestly, I think this only proves even more that you're more afraid of being mine than you admit." Edward says and then leaves, this time using the door. It’s almost impossible to say that what he told you didn’t affect you. And after all this, you still had to endure your doctor appearing in your hospital room minutes after Edward’s departure. You would like to be eager to leave the hospital and return to your life, but to be honest, your life is a mess, and even though you don’t want to admit it, you already miss Edward.

[lesbicosmos]

six of crows is so incredibly hozier coded and to prove it ive assigned each character/couple a song and given a specific section of the lyrics

(i feel entirely normal about this i swear)

the books in general are 100% eat your young

There's money to be made, whatever's still to come Get some Pull up the ladder when the flood comes Throw enough rope until the legs have swung Seven new ways that you can eat your young Come and get some Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

kaz brekker - arsonist's lullabye

When I was 16, my senses fooled me Thought gasoline was on my clothes I knew that something would always rule me I knew the scent was mine alone All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

inej ghafa - would that i

With the war of the fire My heart moves to its feet Like the ashes of ash I saw eyes in the heat Feel it soft and as pure as snow Fell in love with the fire long ago With each love I could lose I was never the same Watch it still live in roofs Be consumed by the flame I was fixed on your hand of gold Lay in waste of my lovin' long ago

jesper fahey - someone new

There's an art to life's distractions To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through Some like to imagine The dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way

wylan van eck - through me (the flood)

Any time I've struggled on Against the course Out on my own Every time I'd burn through the world, I'd see That the world, it burns through me

nina zenik - angel of small death and the codeine scene

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

(this is so nina post-parem)

matthias helvar - foreigner's god

Her eyes look sharp and steady Into the empty parts of me But still my heart is heavy With the hate of some other man's beliefs

kaz/inej - work song

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

(this is just so i would come for you and if i couldn't walk i'd crawl to you i cannot)

matthias/nina - in a week

A thousand teeth And yours among them, I know Our hungers appeased Our heartbeats becoming slow We lay here for years or for hours Thrown here or found To freeze or to thaw So long we become the flowers Two corpses we were

(they're also incredibly work song coded, it was a struggle choosing between helnik and kanej for that one)

wylan/jesper - like real people do

So I will not ask you Why you were creeping In some sad way I already know I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

[lilbardrhi]

Beach Days (Part One)

Pairing: Johnny MacTavish x Original Female Character (Fiona) CW: aaaangst?; love confession; some fluff; bad communication; best friends to ???; mutual pining (but she didn't KNOW-); an AU where like... everybody's around tbh

Inspo | Part Two

"You're sunburnt." My eyes pop open as I sit up and I look down at my legs. Of course I'm not, the absolute shit. "Listen here, you-" I have to bite down on my bottom lip for a moment to keep from laughing. Poor Johnny... he's gonna feel that tomorrow for sure. "What? Enjoying the view?" he asks with a smirk and strikes a pose. Yes. "No," I say slowly, still trying to contain my laughter. "You're sunburnt to hell and back, though."

"I am not!"

A pout forms on his face and his accent grows a bit thicker with his irritation.

"But you most definitely are, you Scottish lobster," I inform him through laughter that I can no longer contain.

Johnny's pout only grows which makes me laugh harder and fall back on to my towel. I feel the towel shift beneath my head and back so I open my eyes. Above me, I see Johnny glaring adorably down at me - sunburnt cheeks and all.

"Stop laughin' at me," he insists. "Or I'll give you something to burn over."

His pout gets replaced by a smirk and I shake my head, still laughing.

"And what would that be? Here, put this on," I tell him, handing him my sunscreen. "Too late to prevent damage entirely, but you can at least keep it from, getting worse."

His expression softens and he stills as I talk. Yet he doesn't accept the sunscreen. Instead he leans down, gently pressing his lips to mine. I freeze, eyes wide in shock for a moment before I slam my hands against his chest and push him back.

"What the hell?!" I shout at him as I sit up, rage and embarrassment burning my cheeks. "The fuck was that all about?! You know we're not like that, Johnny!"

Quickly, I stand and begin gathering my things as he sits on the sand, dumbfounded.

"Wait, Fi," he says suddenly just as I start making my way back to my car.

I don't grace him with a response and just continue to my car. As I storm off to my car, I can hear him behind me. He's calling for me, trying to get me to stop and just talk to him, but my mind is too stormy. My thoughts are whirling and spinning.

Why would he do that? What does he expect to gain from trying to kiss me? We've been friends for seven years and suddenly he's trying to kiss me? Does he know? Does he know I have feelings for him?

No. He can't.

Deciding that it's just not possible for him to know, I wrench open the door to my car's backseat and throw my things inside. After slamming that door closed, I reach for the handle to the driver's door. Before my finger tips can even reach the handle, however, Johnny's face suddenly fills my vision and my back is pressed against my car.

"Fi, just listen to me. Please," he begs, puppy dog eyes in high gear.

His hands are resting on either side of me, palms flat against my car as his arms cage me into place.

"What, Johnny? What do you want?"

Damn those eyes. He knows I fold every time I see that damn look. If I hadn't seen it, I'd have been driving off by now.

Probably.

"Can you just hold still long enough to listen?" he pleads, sounding and looking desperate for me to hear what he has to say.

My eyes search his for a moment - despite it not being the best idea. Finally I gesture vaguely with my hands for him to speak.

"Fi, I..." he hesitates. "I think I love you," he whispers, eyes locked on mine.

Whatever sympathy he thought he'd get - that I thought to give him - just flew out the window and got replaced by pained rage.

"You what?" I hiss. "You- you think you love me? Johnny, what the actual fuck? You and I both know you have an apparent fear of commitment these days. And I- Johnny, you know damn well how hard I fall, when I do. What- how could you say that to me?"

Tears of anger and hurt sting at my eyes by the time I'm doen speaking.

"Because it's true," he whispers, a hurt expression taking over his pleading puppy dog eyes.

"Then prove it."

When I make my demand, he suddenly steps away from me and my car. Taking the chance his shock gives me, I quickly open my car door and get in. With the window down, I'm able to tell him one last thing before driving off.

"Go home. Take some time to think and clear your head," I insist. "That's what I'm going to do."

"Fiona-"

"Go home, Johnny. I'll see you in a few hours for the beach party."

With that, I pull out of my parking spot and drive home.

[momowoah]

Okay but I really think that the worst part is that this is season seven. Unless they're planning to turn 9-1-1 into the new Grey's Anatomy the chances of us being already in the final half of the show are huge. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be any drama, but the characters should've started to go forward, and yet nearly all of them feel stuck in the same place they have been for several seasons. Or should I say 2-3 seasons?

tldr: all/most S7 storylines were either useless in the long run or recycles. The only characters who had storylines on the good side of the scale (as in, they helped the characters develop and move to a new place in their lives) were Maddie and Chimney (and maybe Buck but he's on thin ice). All the characters are back to the same place they were in s4/s5. It's probably TM's fault. This shouldn't be happening in a 7th season.

(really long post under the cut but worth it imo)

Bobby and Athena had a whole seven episodes for their storylines and yet it didn't significantly change anything about them or their relationship. The doubts of how they are when they're at peace that were brought up in ep1 ended up not being addressed at all. We started the season with what was supposed to be this huge thing in their relationship and it was just never brought up again! Instead they put bathena through distress again just for the sake of being dramatic. And while I'm extremely glad we got Amir and think there were several high points in his storyline, what difference did it make in the long run? Yes, it brought up interesting things to Bobby's storyline, such as more insight into his childhood and the chance for him to explore another side of the fire he caused, but is it going to change anything? No! Bobby will be reinstated in S8 bc that's just how these things go, and I doubt they'll put any effort to continue the survivors storyline. I'd bet it'll just be ignored in the next seasons.

Hen and Karen have been trying for YEARS AND YEARS to adopt a child and they just can't let them! As a wlw, do you know how awful that is to watch? Seeing them fail time and time again and have their family broken up once again just because??? It was one thing with Nia, she got a happy ending, but that wasn't the case with Mara. The best thing for everyone involved would be for her to stay with Hen and Karen, but they blew it up. I know she's with Madney, but it's not the fucking same. Why do they have to go through this again? Why can't they finally get the family they've spent years fighting for? Why can't the drama be about anything else, why does it have to be about failed adoptions? I've seen this enough times before. Why not let them be able to adopt???? Why? I'm genuinely upset abt this btw, probably more than about anything else that went down.

Buck got to finally come out and it was great but instead of taking it as an opportunity to let him grow into himself they just threw him right back into the hamster wheel of dating people who are either not fully into him or who he's not fully into. (if you like bt probably skip the rest of this paragraph but I'd also be upset about how they're handling them if I liked the ship bc I liked the previous bt and they did something similar to them lol) Tommy's behavior could be explained away at first, but I feel like time and time again the show goes the extra mile to make him uninterested in Buck or just straight up an asshole to him? Instead of taking the small opportunities of portraying them as a healthy happy couple they just consistently screw up their relationship? They're not the couple I support but even then I wanted them to be good together bc I want Buck to be happy, and yet all we get is this?

I don't even have words about Eddie, especially considering what rg has said about him destroying his life and possibly reverting back to military no emotions mode next season. WHY CAN'T HE BE HAPPY? We already saw him break down, WE'VE ALREADY HAD A STORYLINE ABOUT HIM REBUILDING HIS LIFE, but happiness is boring so now he has to ruin his relationship with his son too right? It just pisses me off how they go about his character sometimes. I liked that they were bringing back the Shannon storyline because he was supposed to be able to finally move on, but this wasn't about that. No, it was about retraumatizing Eddie and Chris and splitting them up at a time when they should be leaning on each other and healing, because Chris has also been suffering with the Shannon stuff. We saw it in fucking ep 1. Don't even get me started on the Marisol stuff because idek why she was there at all. Literally don't get it. We had an off-screen breakup anyways. She wasn't relevant at all to anything that happened. Why was she even there? I'm genuinely asking. The only Eddie arc that has some positive potential for next season is him dealing with his relationship with religion (especially if they tie it to the military and the way he lives his life for others' expectations), but tbh I don't trust them not to fuck it up.

Finally, I don't have complaints about madney, except for why tf was Maddie so absent this season? The wedding episode was all about Chimney (who was also maybe kinda missing tbh), and although I love him and his backstory and the opportunity to see Kevin again, I really wanted it to be about their relationship, since it was their wedding, yk. Dispatch was also severely under utilized. We did get the 7x07 Maddie plotline and it might've been bc it was a shortened season but yeah, I'm still not that satisfied.

So, we have all the characters stuck in places they've been before. More specifically, in the place they were in season 4/5. Bathena relationship problems followed by a life threatening situation? Check. Henren struggling with adoption? Check. Buck getting into what was supposed to be a good relationship only for it to end up going really bad? Check. Eddie struggling with relationships and his mental health going to hell? Check. Madney in a good place with a new child and about to have an awful fucking time? Hopefully just check for the first part. And you know which question this makes me ask? It's whether Tim Minear is just reverting everyone to their s4 state out of spite for the seasons he was away. And even if it is a genuine attempt at getting the show back on the track he wanted out of good intentions, it still sucks, because it doesn't change the fact that it is just a repeat of old storylines. I actually complained at this before the show even aired, but (iirc) I ended up deleting my post because I thought that I was just overreacting. Guess what? I fucking wasn't, bc that's EXACTLY what they did.

Now, going back to the start of this post, the reason why all these storylines suck so much is not that they are bad. It's not even that they aren't original. No, it's the fact that we're doing storylines that belong in the fourth or fifth season of a show in its seventh season. Even the Gerrard plotline, which is new to 9-1-1, feels like it came too late, because the split up crew/villain captain storyline tends to happen much sooner in procedurals, and for a reason. Besides the fact that this was never really a big bad type of show and I don't get why they are making it one all of a sudden, and ignoring the fact that Gerrard being brought back as captain, especially to the 118 of all places, makes no fucking sense, that kind of plotline is one that it's obviously always temporary. No one believes he'll still be the captain by the end of 8A, much less by the end of the season. He'll hardly survive the first 3-5 episodes. That's ultimately a filler storyline. It helps the show go on for longer, it might even help in the development of a couple characters, but at the end of the day it doesn't change anything, which appears to be a recurring theme when it comes to 9-1-1 storylines.

The reason I have a problem with this is that we don't need a filler storyline, because no one knows whether the show has the luxury of taking its sweet time. Yeah, it has a huge audience and it is doing good numbers, but it is still a fucking money pit that was already cancelled once and it's unsustainable on the long run. It might not end that soon, but is it honestly going to reach season 14? Does anyone truly think that we've only seen half of it (or less) so far? Because I don't. Not many shows make it that far, and there's a reason for that. We have three huge names who are extremely important to the show. What happens if they get tired? What happens if someone gets a better offer? What happens if we're still revisiting old storylines when that happens? Do we get an incomplete story or a rushed one?

The show should be moving forward, even if there are no plans for it to end soon. We have the drama of the huge disasters 9-1-1 loves. We have the drama of the cases. We have a myriad of new possible dramatic storylines for the characters that show development without being too final. Athena could have so many different job related storylines (from moving up in her career to abandoning it), and her and Bobby's storyline from the beginning of the season about being boring together can be played in a good and dramatic line. Henren and Madney have a whole world of parenting issues that they could go through. Buck and Eddie both still need either an endgame love interest (whether it's each other or not) or to get to the point where they are fine not having one, and we have all of the relationship trouble that comes with that. This show can give us new things, storylines that are good for the characters, without losing the dramatic factor (which, if I'm being honest, would not be a deal breaker for me). Yet, it refuses to, and probably not for a good reason, because it comes down to either Tim wanting to rewrite history or just trying to drag this show for as long as possible (which apparently he only knows how to do by refusing to make the characters happy). And you know what? I'm fucking mad about it, and I think you should be too.

Btw, this is not to say the whole season sucked. We got Madney and Henren together multiple times which was great. We finally got Bi Buck. There were several amazing acting moments for both the main and recurring actors. As a standalone season, it was good. It just doesn't work when you look at the bigger picture.

[ddemons-bblog]

So I finally watched helluva boss, season 1 & 2. TW-R*pe, Cannibalism, Fatphobia. DNI: Helluva/Hazbin stans, people who are wanting to argue with me on my opinions. Just block me. I know I'm late to the critical party and have some opinions already said by others, as well as some of my own opinions that y'all may disagree with, but here's what I have to say:

Here are my thoughts as a queer individual and a demonolator:

1. Why are there sexes assigned to imps (sexual diamorphism) Demons in Christianity (and Luciferianism) (depending on the branch) have no sex or gender (except for succubi and incubi maybe) also Imps all have the same shade of red skin across all rings, so why is there no variations in each ring such as greed, lust, etc.

2. Now I see why Stolas told me he doesn't like his depiction. He doesn't wear enough starry or naturey clothing (except in ozzie's) and he's went from being a weird sexual pervert (even possibly a r*pist) to now being sad all the time. Like as someone with depression this is not accurate. Depression is more than just being sad.

3. Beelzebub is a fox? I honestly don't care about that but the wrong sigil was used. Also like, I like her party theme, but she's probably the reason that the hellhounds are so low class to begin with.

4. Wow. So Stolas's wife is abusive to him. Not a bad idea to write, but she's so cartoonishly evil and one dimensional like Andrealphus is. (Who looks like an Elsa ripoff?)

5. Andrealphus was confirmed gay I think, but it's so fucking weird to flirt/say weird things with your sister man. 😭

6. Mammon should be a two headed Bird according to demonology, why is he a spider? I like him though, he's funny. I just wish he wasn't used to be a fatphobic stereotype.

7. Man, I feel so bad for Octavia. She deserves better. Both her parents suck.

8. Worldbuilding: I like the idea of hell being circus themed, if only Beelzebub, Leviathan, and Belphegor had the theme on their outfits too. Also, I like the Gluttony, Sloth, and Wrath ring designs, but the rest shown (Lust, Greed, Pride) are just boring cities with weird sky colors. I hope Envy has a good ring design.

9.Full demon forms, just like Lucifer's I am SO disappointed, minus Stolas's full demon form. That one is nice. Like they just are bigger versions of themselves atp.

10. Paimon is a priveleged anti poor asshole. This literally demonizes irl! paimon, who I also work with.

11. Satanists portrayals: I HATE how Martha is portrayed as a violent cannibal ans a Satanist. The religion is actually peaceful. Also, as a Stolas worshipper, we do not do sacrifices to him. That is a violent stereotype and it's offensive.

12. The Hellhound designs: They're just red eyed dogs, which is okay, but I'd perfer horns, skulls n bones, fire, and 3 heads. Also loona's feral form is boring.

13. Sallie May needs more screentime. I like her but she just feels like a token trans character.

14. Y'all are gonna disagree with me on this but I like Fizzmodeus. They're cute.

15. The Cherubs are cringe as fuck. I hate them. Especially Deerie.

16. I like how Vassago isn't British. For fucks sake the Goetia are based on demonized gods and was written in France. So making them British pissed me off. I don't like how he is just a used design though.

16. Overall, I honestly didn't like Stolas, Paimon or Andrealphus's depictions. But Vassago and Asmodeus I liked. Making Asmodeus not a r*pist is kinda nice for a change.

17. Seven Deadly Sins- If you're gonna make an "anti-Christian" show then at least omit this. Because we personally believe in our own seperate sins against Satan and others, and the only "sins" we embrace are Lust (when all of these "sins" done in moderation) and Gluttony, and Pride. We always agree that Greed is 100% bad in my groups, so making a show that says "embrace sin" with Greed and Envy being part of those is kinda....bad. Also, some Satanists believe in their own Sins to completely avoid Harming others, Controlling others, Always forgiving horrible people, etc.

So those are my thoughts. I may not talk about this crapshow much anymore on here on my page. I want to focus more on my spirituality.

[thelikesoffinn]

Hi!! ❤️

I would love to read your analysis of how your thoughts may have changed regarding Astarion and poly relationships, now that his post-Mizora dialogue has been revamped and he reacts badly to the affair. It's such a big change, I'm so intrigued by Larians decision to do it.

(dialogue here, just in case: https://www.reddit.com/r/BaldursGate3/s/pEMgC6nQr4)

Thank you! Your opinions are so great, and I'm sorry if you've already talked about this and I missed it!

Hiya there, babes!

Thank you, I'm flattered you like my rambling ♥️

I'll gladly check that one out - I haven't yet seen the new reaction because it's been a hot minute since I played act 3 and I've been avoiding spoilers ever since patch seven, so we're all getting fresh eyes this time, haha. But first, since a couple of people asked about it these past few days, I'd like to go over why I hated the old reaction as much as I did.

I'm sorry for using your ask to make this sort of bastardised hybrid of your question, but I figured it goes hand in hand with your ask!

Let's get to it!

Why is Astarion's old reaction to Tav/Durge sleeping with Mizora so. fucking. shit?

Especially since he is generally okay with poly-relationships (see Halsin) and flings (see drow twins)? So Mizora shouldn't be a big deal either, right? It should be all the same.

Well - yes and no.

Yes, because essentially the bare bones are the same. It all just boils down to Tav/Durge having sex with a character that isn't Astarion and we've seen him be absolutely fine with Tav sleeping with both Halsin and the drow twins whenever Tav asked him about it.

Now, he wasn't exactly on board with Harleep but that was likely for an entirely different reason. You know, essentially selling your body to a strange incubus for eternity and all that may strike a chord with our fanged companion, since he himself already knows the weight of such deals and has first hand experience in how long a eternity is.

But the rest of them? Completely fine! Have at it, Tav, Astarion will not be standing in your way! He just needs a tiny bit of reassurance - hey, is this because I've not been putting out in a while? No? Fantastic, off you go - and then he's right as rain.

But, the thing is: That was an agreement. Astarion was involved in the decision and he was part of the conversation the entire time. So anything that did happen, happened entirely with his blessing and to his knowledge. That is how these agreements should work.

With Mizora, we aren't given that.

The cunt just whisks Tav away immediately to show them her nine hells and then she drops them off like nothing happened. There's no conversation about it, Astarion doesn't get to know until he sees Tav and Mizora or maybe until one of the other companions informs him of what just happened. (Probably Wyll, seeing as it's Mizora.)

I don't think it needs to be said, but that is cheating.

There's nothing we can do to justify this, especially not since it's rather obvious that Astarion isn't really against Tav getting frisky with other people. So there's no good reason for Tav going behind his back - not that there ever is - and it's just a plain dick move.

When I tell you, the first time I had this scene and noticed we didn't get to have a wee chat with him first? I was SWEATING so hard, because I thought 'hot damn, did I save before this!? When was the last time I fucking saved!? He's gonna leave me so hard and I fucking deserve it too!' and then he literally rocked up to us and was like: "Naw, you didn't ask me :( But it's okay, you're not just a snack. You're a whole damn meal babe, there's enough of you to go around."

Sweating was immediately over. It was not what I expected and I was really, really REALLY disappointed.

That was not how this is supposed to work. He wasn't supposed to be alright with this, because Tav treated him like shit. They didn't give a single shit about how he might feel and what his opinion may be, which is something he's already experienced for so many years. Tav disregarded him entirely for their own pleasure.

Anyone who's ever been in a working poly- or even just in a working open relationship will probably be able to tell you that communication is a huge part of what makes these relationships work. Openly talking BEFORE anything happens, coming to an agreement with all involved parties, regularly checking in with each other to see how things are progressing.

It also needs mutual respect.

Every party involved needs to respect their partners enough to NOT go against their agreements. Enough to listen to them and enough to be willing to compromise and respect the others boundaries.

And there needs to be SO MUCH trust.

It's not easy to be honest about wanting to share, wanting to be shared or even not wanting to share anymore. It's not always easy to believe your partner will respect your boundaries and will not do anything that you specifically asked them not to do. Voicing these things takes trust and confidence.

Tav literally shits on all three of these things. Respect is apparently a foreign concept, there is zero dialogue and they essentially break any trust there is for a single fuck in the hells.

By cheating with Mizora, Tav just shows Astarion that he isn't worthy of their consideration and that his opinions and feelings don't matter at all. And him accepting that with a smile is just him falling back into old habits.

He's back to taking shit he doesn't deserve just for the hell of it. It's the same thing he's done for years, the very same thing he's so desperate to escape.

The worst part is that he probably doesn't even notice it's the same thing, because, initially, it probably feels like it's just the same as all the other examples. He'll keep telling himself that Tav sleeping with Mizora is no different than Tav sleeping with the drow or Halsin. It's all the same.

But there'll likely always be that tiny voice in the back of his head going: "But is it really?"

Oh, and that voice? That voice breeds resentment. It's the only thing it's good at, the only thing it enjoys and it won't stop until he notices how fucked up this really is.

Astarion is no longer beneath anyone. He doesn't need to take shit anymore. He doesn't need to say yes and amen, he doesn't need to cower.

He's an equal in this relationship, but his reaction makes it abundantly clear that he himself has yet to realise it.

How have my thoughts changed now that his reaction has been adjusted?

Now, after reading through the dialogue you attached (thank you for that, btw! ♥️) and looking up a video...nice!

First: He voices his concearns and is honest with both himself and Tav about how this affected him. He admits that he may be disappointed, he admits he thought Tav was better than others and that he was very clearly wrong about it.

That takes guts, especially for people like Astarion who spent so long bowing their head to others whims and it's a huge sign of progress. Love it!

"As if you wouldn't have jumped at the chance. - Once, maybe, but things change - people change. Even if they never imagined they could."

Gold. Pure gold.

Self-reflection is lovely. He knows he's changed and maybe this situation just shows him how much.

"I thought I could trust you, which was no small thing. Now I'm not sure what to think."

This is SUCH a good line, because it's wonderfully ambiguous.

It shows both a healthy dose of self-reflection AND self-worth. On one hand, Astarion clearly knows that he's slow to trust people and that his trust has to be earned but, at the same time, it shows that, quite plainly, his trust is no small thing.

His trust is costly but it's a valuable thing, that Tav has now lost.

"And if anyone should believe in forgiving and forgetting, I should."

Haaa...I absolutely get what he means, but this is a dangerous line that I'm not sure I'd advise him to cross. It's something that does sometimes happen with certain clients and I don't think I've ever seen it yield good or pleasant results. This behaviour - the very lenient, very forgiving approach - is usually done to help manage guilt.

Clients who've done "bad things" can potentially become extremely lenient towards those they're close to because, in their mind, nothing can be as bad as what they've done and yet their loved ones forgave them. So they should forgive those little 'mistakes' just as readily, right?

No, obviously not, because receiving forgiveness doesn't relate to your acceptance of any future misdeeds. That is not what forgiveness means and anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't really forgiven you to begin with.

They just want something to excuse their own shitty behaviour.

His reaction doesn't necessarily have to mean he is going in this direction, of course. He may as well just realise that Tav is truly sorry...

"You can promise me the heavens, it doesn't change the choice you've already made. It was selfish. It was you not thinking about anyone but yourself and that's a feeling I know all too well."

The ABSOLUTE BLISS my inner social worker felt when she heard this line. The fucking catharsis.

Not only does he realise how shitty this choice was, no, he's also honest about it without giving two flying fucks about what happens.

That is not only brave, no, it shows that he knows he's in the right, which is a big thing for someone whose second name is 'Rationalisation'.

I think I mentioned it in another ask, but Astarion is someone who constantly feels the need to rationalise; to justify his own actions in basically any regard - the blood, the spawn, the ascension, cazador.

Every single time.

It's probably part of what kept him alive - keep quiet like a dead rat and if you can't, explain yourself so well and thoroughly that they won't hurt you. It works for misdeeds - which is mainly where we see him use it - but it works for emotions as well.

But this time, he doesn't. He doesn't justify his reaction, doesn't explain why he thinks the way he does. No, he hits Tav with the cold hard truth and nothing but that and it's so. good.

"I may not have the moral highground when it comes to betraying trust, but right now I see everything I've been trying to escape in you. Even I deserve better than this. We're done."

LOOK AT HIM FUCKING GOOOO! 🎉

First he realises and admits that yes, he's made mistakes and he's been a piece of shit too, which is great.

(I know I'm putting a lot of emphasis on self-reflection in this one, but he could do with a lot of that. Astarion is awfully unreflected in a lot of his behaviour at first and that is always detremental. We NEED to reflect on our own actions to see where we're wrong or maybe even where we're right.)

But, at the same time, he knows he doesn't have to take this. He doesn't have to take Tav's shit, because he's better than this. He deserves better and honestly? I've got nothing to add.

I love this, I wish this had been all he'd said and that is exactly the reaction he should've had.

To be entirely honest, I was a bit miffed that he still forgives Tav so easily - I get it, it's a game of choices, so obviously they'll give us an option to get Astarion to stay with us - but meh. Left a bad taste in my mouth.

But this last one? Perf. Absolutely fucking perfect and precisely the growth I like to see.

Puuh, that was a bit longer than I intented, I'm sorry! Let's just revise that, in the end, it's save to say that I do like the new reaction MUCH better.

Even the parts I personally don't agree with - namely any forgiveness for cheaters, because cheaters are loosers that don't deserve shit - I can respect, because he's still honest and reflected. He could probably reasonably explain the choice he made.

Not only can he explain it, no, it's a decision that very clearly costs him a little and he doesn't seem to make it all willy nilly.

That is enough. If it's a good choice or not doesn't matter that much, because mistakes and regret are a part of healing and growing. You can't avoid those.

Just being able to be honest about how he feels, how difficult this is and how Tav hurt him shows that he's starting to drop the habits that were tortured into him for so long and that is, in this part of the journey, absolutely enough.

Anyway, I hoped I answered your question and if not, feel free to let me know and I'll try again! Have a lovely day ♥️

Edit because I forgot to mention: My opinion regarding Astarion and poly-relationships as a whole remains unchanged, regardless of how he reacts to Mizora. Those two situations don't really sit on the same bracket, because one is an agreement and the other is a breach of trust.

So I still really do believe he's alright with them, as long as they're discussed!

[infamous-if]

weekly? update #2 (05 - 21 - 23)

Calling these updates 'weekly' updates is a stretch but ! I don't know what much else to say considering my plans haven't changed since my last update.

I finished Orion's and Seven's POV chapters and am now working on both of Seb's scenes. I'm trying to think of what other scenes have substantial enough...meat to do a POV on.

I was thinking of doing August's audition as well? But I'm not sure if it'll be enough. If anyone has a suggestion for any scenes, I'm all ears! I'd love to have enough content to put out before Chapter 2 is done.

Chapter 2 is a third of the way written! It's so heavily outlined that I'm writing it pretty quickly, which is a relief. I outline every beat and scene, and I have genuine excitement for this chapter, making it much easier to write. I won't make any promises but if coding goes well, it won't be too long before chapter 2 gets out ! But we'll see. A lot of stuff happens within it...like a nice pit-stop which is fun (i love writing road trips)(also scenes in which i can just write the characters interacting and are not *too* emotionally heavy...it's fun.)

I haven't been active much because I did say on my personal blog that I ended up experiencing a small case of burn out. And then I got sick (again) and I'm having the creeping suspicion they might be related. I'm taking a few days of rest, but I'd be lying to everyone if I said i wasn't working on the free drabbles again... (lols)

well, such is life

anyway, that's all! not too interesting but a nice idea of where i'm at!

[marshmallowprotection]

Girl i just wanna lyk that i really really really love the way you write yoosung. I especially love the fact that you do not write him as a dumb guy like some writers do and it means a lot to me as someone who relates to him and struggles with low self esteem when it comes to my intelligence

Yes yoosung might not be the smartest of the bunch and he is impulsive- but he isnt stupid. Academically he is really good especially given how strict the kr education system is. And even outside academics he has been quite quick to figure out things and take action accordingly. Without him Saeyoung wouldve been dead in two instances. Besides he was also quick to place aside his feelings towards rika after her expose ESPECIALLY given how much rika has meant to him all his life. He still stepped up and called the authorities to arrest her and protect everyone from being drugged. Yoosung was also quick to suspect Jihyun regarding the information related to rika's death. Sure you might say that he did not "handle the matter well" but it will never change the truth. Jihyun infact was hiding a whole can of worms. And him hiding information related to mint eye has led to rfa members becoming more vulnerable to the cult.Yoosung is #2 in LOLOL. Just below seven. And Im p sure LOLOL is based on League of Legends which is a strategy based game. And obviously you need some amount of critical thinking skills to play a game like that. Alot of writers tend to make him bad at gaming and i dont like it. So yeah yoosung is far from being stupid and i am glad some writers take their time to emphasize on that. Love you

A lot of the characters in MM end up flanderized by the fandom, unfortunately. In the case of Yoosung, I want to say that it's okay whenever someone writes him as being young or naive, because there's nothing wrong with being young or naive as you're coming into your own. Everyone starts somewhere, and you don't start out knowing everything and anything there is to know about the world!

Compared to the rest of the cast, Yoosung really hasn't had as many life experiences to grow from just yet, and that's okay.

Being young isn't a bad thing. He has all the time in the world to grow and continue to make strides toward understanding everything he wants to know about the world and more. Yoosung isn't a baby, he's always been a stellar student and goes out of his way to join clubs as soon as he discovers he's interested in something he's never done. It occurs to him that if he wants to know something, he has to seek out the people who already know how to do it.

He's comfortable enough to say, "I don't know what I'm doing and I would love to learn how to do this right." In fact, watching him learn how to bake over the years felt like such a wonderful nod to him as a person. When he decided to take on a culinary path after the events in the RAE, I cheered because it felt impactful to his interests. That was so much more respectful to him than what the VAE tried to do, but we all know how I feel about the many faults of the VAE.

There are parts of the VAE I did actually enjoy, and Yoosung taking charge to do the right thing despite knowing just how desperately he didn't want what Rika was doing to be true was one of them.

Post-RAE, he took a step back and realized he pushed himself into veterinary medicine because of his long-standing grief and utter determination to make sure nobody had to grieve as Rika did, and while he adores animals and never wants to see them suffer as Sally did at the end of her life, him pursuing a path of culinary enjoyment after seeing him adore making food from the start of this series felt like him deciding to do something for himself as opposed to doing for others.

He can still make a difference in both peoples and animals lives by being a culinary master! Yoosung deserves to do whatever he wants because it makes him happy. I'd support him no matter what path he wanted to take, be it veterinary medicine, psychology, or culinary school. But, it's nice to see him be able to reflect on what matters to him most at the end of the day and choose what he wants to do on his own terms. He should be able to live the life he wants to lead no matter what path it is.

But, in regards to people writing him as "dumb"?

He didn't have to grow up quickly to survive something difficult, and that's why he may feel different compared to the others in terms of his "maturity". Zen and Saeyoung are hardly older than he is, but they have been forced to learn how to adapt as fast as possible compared to Yoosung because life... was not kind to them. Just because they've had more time to learn how the world works doesn't mean that our boy Yoosung is "dumb", it means that he's got a lot more to sit down and learn about the world. That's all.

And frankly, you don't magically stop needing to learn one day as an adult. If you want to make sure you continue to be the kind of adult who always listens to those younger than you when they tell you the world needs to change for the better, you need to keep learning. You need to actively focus on listening to other people when you're out of your league. You will never know everything, not by a long shot, and to say you do would be factually wrong.

I was a year younger than Yoosung when the game came out, and having grown with this game, I can tell you I've grown up so much since that time, and I hope to continue to grow with time. I know this world can only be a better place if I—and everyone else in it— choose to grow with it rather than become quiet and complacent.

The problem with the way Yoosung is written when it comes to this issue is that sometimes people make him clueless for the sake of being clueless as opposed to being gullible or naive. Because we can't deny that Yoosung is a gullible guy. He looked up when he heard it was written on the ceiling, but the main reason why he looked for it on the ceiling came down to trust. He trusts his friends even if they treat him like a baby, and their opinions matter to him. If you tell him something, he wants to believe you!

He doesn't want to believe someone would outright lie to him, even as a playful joke, and people can fall him a fool for that if they want, but I think it says a lot about Yoosung as a person that he's willing to trust with all he's got to give unless presented with something that's undeniably wrong, such as Jihyun lying to everyone about what was really happening behind the scenes.

Honestly, I haven't seen too many people mischaracterize Yoosung in my side of the fandom in a while, but I think that's because I've gone out of my way to make sure that I'm only seeing posts about all of the characters that don't irritate or squick me out, LOL.

I think some folks have a hard time balancing his gullibility with his maturity, especially when it comes to fans who are as young as he is. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when I see something that doesn't mesh with my understanding of him. I tend to assume they're young like he is and haven't really realized that Yoosung's kind of an outlier in his friendship in terms of life experience.

He's book smart, and he's a good judge of character, but this boy is not street smart like Zen or Saeyoung! And, you know what? That's okay! Why would he be? He's never had to worry about a roof over his head. He's never had to be afraid he wouldn't survive to the next day. He's always had his parents there to support him, and he's done his best thanks to the support of his family and friends. He's had a very normal upbringing, and there's nothing wrong with that. He may not be as "interesting" to some folks, but Yoosung is a good boy, and he isn't "dumb" or "lame" for having a "typical" experience.

[alphabetboyluvr]

throttle - jjk | five

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven

warnings - jk and yoongi showdown (by showdown i mean they just glare at each other a bit), THE BUSAN CHRONICLES BEGIN!!! anyone who has read throttle know how important busan is for these babies he he, depictions of sex that aren't smut (i'd argue?), hair pulling, she's on top, existential crisis thoughts during it all, unprotected sex, creampie, HELLO KIM TAEHYUNG, he's a sleaze, ANGST, cc watches jk wank himself off <3, a lil mutual masturbation moment, cute kisses <33, cums on her tummy <3, character insight! backstory! ugh! i love the busan chapters! i'll upload the rest of the busan chapters now too

word count - 18.5k

minors dni // posted to wp late 2021 // series masterlist

Jungkook has a face straight from a nineties rom-com. Boyish charm, eyes that linger; teeth that nibble on thin lips, and a smile that breaks like sun through a thunderous sky.

You're convinced that if he actually was a movie star, you'd watch every single film he was in - twice, at the very minimum. Maybe one would even become your comfort movie, for the days when real people felt like too much to handle; solace through the silver screen. 

His nose slopes and points so delicately at its tip, that you always find yourself staring; marvelling. Wondering how an angle so simple could have you at such a loss for words. Eyes are wide and dark, they're like a vat of melted down dark chocolate, slowly hypnotising you with every stir of the rich delicacy. 

It's when he smiles, though, that you really find yourself lost in everything he is. It's radiant, the way those plunging, round eyes of his crease at the sides, a deep line forming beneath them. His brows raise, and the dewy skin on his cheeks begins to tighten as they apple, and then his teeth - pristine, you think, ignoring any imperfection - are on show. You're home. 

Home in his laugh, in his happiness, in the way that he always seems to be like this around you. Home in how he always finds an excuse to be touching you in some capacity, home in the sanctuary of unspoken words, and home in the hopes that maybe one day, he'll be brave enough to say them.

Hope is a funny thing, though.  So much to gain and yet so much to lose - but if you never really had it, can it be considered a loss at all?

You're musing about this when Yoongi comes in through the side door, palms slick with motor oil, a few streaks staining his face and his shirt from where he's been a little bit careless. He cocks a brow, and throws you a cautious, coy smile. 

"What are you doing here?" He angles his body away from you, almost as if he suspects you're about to throw something at him. His tone is slow, reserved, a little bit accusatory, if you do say so.

"My job?" You question - but you know exactly why he's asking such a thing. 

You're always getting Jieun to cover you these days. He thinks you've barely worked enough shifts to cover the rent this month - and he's right.

He just doesn't realise that you have money sitting in the bank from stocks and bonds that had been purchased in your name when you were just a few months old. Rich people shit. Shit you wished you didn't understand, but were thankful for nonetheless. You may not be on good terms with your family, but you're not ignorant of the fortune you've had as a result of their choices. Having the ability to run from them is a privilege in itself.

"You still remember how to do it?" He teases. "Don't forget to offer the customers a receipt, and make sure you always pull up the right pump tab. Don't wanna be charging a soccer mom for some asshole's jeep tank."

"I remember, Yoongs," you say with a roll of your eyes and a narrowly hidden smile. He likes this smile of yours; the one you don't want to give but can't help but deliver regardless. "Thanks for the crash course, though." You thread your fingers together and stretch them in front of you. The way they click together has Yoongi looking at you like you've just shagged his dad. "Sure you don't wanna work my shifts all the time?"

"I'm sure," he nods. "Not a chance in hell I'm covering for you again."

And then there's that look on your face; the one he can never resist indulging in. 

"Don't you dare," he says.

But you've always been up for a challenge.

"Yoooongs," you sing, voice high and sweet, like a hit of coke up his nose and down to the back of his throat, washed clean with Ribena. He knows what's coming, and he knows he won't like it - but he does like the way you bat your lashes for him. "Watcha doing this weekend?"

There's a resistance, but the invisible string that tugs on his lips is stronger than he cares to admit. He smiles, and you know he's where he's always been; wrapped right around your little finger.

"Why?" he deadpans, not hiding his infatuation well. "You asking me out?"

He laughs as if it's not what he wants more than almost anything in the world; as if he doesn't know it's the last thing in the world you'll be asking.

You laugh too, but it's to cover the guilt that weighs down on you. You thought he'd be over it by now.

"Not exactly."

"You should really start dating someone who respects your work schedule," Yoongi jokes, but it's kinda totally not a joke. He doesn't say it, but he'd always respect your work schedule. Would never ask you to make compromises for him; would never ask you to prioritise him.

But Jungkook doesn't do that, either. It's your choice.

"I'm not dating anyone," you say. It's childish because even though you aren't technically dating Jungkook, you're not exactly not dating him either. The 'what are we' talk hasn't happened yet. You're not ready for it. He won't ever be ready for it. You don't know this though, so you just think you're at the same stage, which is a whole lot more comforting. Think that things will progress naturally. Fall into place when they need to.

"But you're about to ask me to cover for you so you can go on a date, no?"

"...No?"

I mean, you're not. 

You're not going on a date with Jungkook. You're going to his childhood town. So you're telling the truth - no dates involved.

But fuck, he'd held your hand as you stood beneath his shower together, telling you all about how he was going to take you to his favourite places, and you'd giggled when he told you that he'd force you to go swimming in the ocean with him, even if it was below zero.

You'd told him that it was fine, that you love winter beaches, and then you'd challenged him to a race from sand to shoreline. He'd agreed, of course, and then your laughter had dissolved into the pitter-patter of his shower, the warm water running over your body like a poor imitation of his hands, which were preoccupied elsewhere.

So no, you're not going on a date.

You're not dating Jungkook, full stop.

But you are existing together. Most nights these days. He works a night shift here and there, and sometimes you just need a little alone time - but more often than not, you'll head to his after work and wait until he finishes whatever he's working on. Your toothbrush has moved from the bathroom cabinet to the pot by the sink. 

Your presence is undeniable, even if you are in denial.

Feels like you're lying to everyone, including yourself. 

Especially yourself, actually.

Yoongi's back stiffens, his soft gaze that once was on you hardening as he glances out towards the forecourt. He nods curtly to his line of vision, and you know. He doesn't have to say anything because you can read Yoongi like a book.

His eyes look green in this light.

Beneath his breath, he mutters, "Speak of the devil."

And what a devil he is; dressed down in a pair of dark jeans with a black raincoat pulled over his head. You're down so bad that you're enamoured with the fact he's dressed for the weather, as if he's not a fully grown man very much capable of making such choices. 

You think it's cute, and imagine him looking out the window as he was getting ready, heading back to his wardrobe for the anorak upon seeing the rain.

By the time you turn back around to tell Yoongi to fuck off, he's gone; snuck out the back to finish whatever work he was doing. He's not interested in watching you play happy families with some fucker he knows isn't worth your time. Jungkook could have been a brain surgeon, a charity worker, a fucking saint, and Yoongi still wouldn't have cared. 

And by 'wouldn't have cared', he'd have been internally seething and ignoring the very existence of him, regardless.

"Just can't stay away, can you?" You say as you turn on your heel to walk away from Jungkook as soon as he enters the store. You're getting around to the cashiers' side of the till, creating distance.

Not because you want it, but because you think it might make him want you more.

It does.

"The cashier at Kang's ain't half as pretty," he flirts, and you swear that smile of his might send you to an early grave.

"Checking out other women, are we?"

"I'm here, aren't I? Not at Kang's?"

You want to argue with him just for sake of the flirt, but that anorak is really doing a number on you. All you wanna do is squish his cheeks and tell him how cute he looks in polyurethane-coated nylon.

"Touche," you grin, but it's muffled as he rests as palm on the kiosk and uses his other hand to pull you closer and steal a kiss. It's a risky move. Something he shouldn't really be doing. Not when there are three windows behind him. 

He's on display like a puppy in the pet shop windows downtown. Anyone could drive by. Pull in. Anyone. Daegu ain't as big as it likes to pretend to be.

"So, I'm lying," he says, voice sweet and low. "I actually do have an ulterior motive."

"Mhmph," you breathe through your nose, rolling your eyes. "You're a boy, Jungkook. I know you didn't drop by just to ask how my day was."

"Okay, one - ouch. And two - I always want to know how your day is."

For a chronic liar, he's refreshingly honest when he wants to be.

"But?" You encourage, not wanting to skip the flirting, but anxious of the outcome for whatever it is he's here for.

He pokes at the bagged sweets like he so often does, his tattooed fingers gently prodding and pushing them about with no real purpose. He appears distracted, but he's anything but. You know this now; know it's just a Kookism.

"Buuuut," he takes his time, dragging out the word because he knows it will drive you insane. "I was thinking why don't we just head over to..." he pauses. Suddenly feels uncomfortable declaring the plans you have so publically. What if he hadn't noticed someone behind a shelving unit? What if your coworker is listening in? He carries on as if he didn't skip it, but waffles so much you don't have a chance to interject. "Straight after work? We go straight from here? You finish round about now, don't you? I know we were gonna wait till the morning, but I got itchy feet, baby. Wanna get outta this place."

You nod as his questions pour out like a broken faucet. You don't have to worry about your shifts, 'cause Jieun's already swapped with you. You'd struck a deal to work her typical early shift that day in return for her covering you over the rest of the weekend. 

Truthfully, you weren't going to ask Yoongi to cover for you earlier - you were just going to ask if he'd watch the shop for 5 minutes until Jieun arrived so that you could escape a little earlier than you were meant to. He'd only just started his shift, opting for a later rota than usual. Weird, but not weird enough for you to question it too hard.

"Lemme just get changed," you smile, having come straight to work from Jungkook's apartment that morning. 

The way you're always in each other's company, it's as if he'll suffocate without you around - which admittedly does feel like it's true, but it's more so that he's scared of what could happen if he's not there watching over you. Scared that someone will interfere with what he's doing. Scared the rug will get pulled from beneath your feet before he's gotten a chance to scatter pillows on the ground beneath you.

Running late, you'd skipped dropping by your place that morning. You weren't feeling all that fresh, despite the shower you'd had at his that morning, thanks to the second-day clothes you'd arrived in, so had opted for the uniform spares in the back rooms. The sizings were all off, and you're pretty sure you felt filthier in them than your own clothes, but it was rare for you to ever feel all that hot in your work uniform.

Jungkook is left alone in the shop as you head to the backrooms. He figures your colleague will be out soon enough to man the tills, so goes about looking a little busy. Eyes up the stale pastries that are definitely past their best in the cabinet next to the till. Reads the magazine covers, and wonders why the fuck people care so much about celebrities.

It's as he's flicking through a copy of Drivers Weekly that he hears a cough. "We prefer it if people don't read the magazines in the shop."

His eyes land in the direction of the voice, towards a man who is shorter than stature than Jungkook, but somehow feels taller. Broader. Stronger. A better man. Competition. 

"You must be Yoongi, right?" Jungkook nods, voice a little hoarse. He's on edge. Doesn't like the way Yoongi is looking at him as if he can see straight into his soul - not that he'd find much there. 

That's the trouble that comes with making a deal with the devil; he'll eat you from the inside out. It won't be long before Jungkook implodes, bones caving in on themselves. He's got a little while left to go until then, though. Maybe some major organs left to harvest. A little bit of liver for all the soju he's gonna need to drink to get over this, and the tiny sliver of his heart that belongs to someone else. 

To you. 

"Heard a lot about you," he continues. 

Yoongi laughs. It isn't kind. "Funny. I've heard fuck all about you."

He stays stoic as he watches Jungkook purse his lips; shoulders rising ever so slightly and dipping again as he nods, letting out a scornful laugh. "Right."

Despite all he's done, all the stupid little mistakes he's made, Jungkook isn't dumb. He knows how to read people - and currently, Yoongi is a pair of burning red capital letters: F. U. 

A petty remark rests on the tip of his tongue, one that could spark and ignite the dry wood of the bridge between the two men. There's no water beneath it yet. Jungkook would incinerate the entire structure.

Best not to. Not yet, at least.

"Hey babe," he calls instead, loud enough for you to hear, and direct enough to crawl beneath Yoongi's skin. You muffle a response to let him know you're listening. "I'm just gonna wait in the car, alright?"

"Okay!"

"Don't keep me waiting too long," he flirts, but he's looking at Yoongi. He's smirking. Eyes narrow. Winning. "We've got a hotel room to check into."

It's childish and he knows it, but he wants Yoongi to know exactly who's gonna be making you cum that evening. 

You're cringing, knowing that Yoongi will be mentally imploding, but you also think that Jungkook is none the wiser. "Go wait in the car!"

"There's a place just off Gwangalli," Yoongi says, his attempt at looking unbothered fairly convincing - but not to Jungkook. He's convinced that everyone wants to fuck you just as much as he does, so would have always figured Yoongi was jealous. "A shoreline hotel. She really loves it. Maybe you should book a room there next time."

The insinuation is clear; Yoongi knows where you like to stay. For all Jungkook knows, maybe he's even stayed there with you.

But Busan is Jungkook's old stomping ground, and funnily enough, he does actually listen to you. He knows all about the hotel you love, and the fact you've never actually stayed there. Just dreamt of it; bridge views over the harbour, sleek marble coating the walls.

He also knows that it's overpriced and that there's a far better hotel just a few blocks up that doesn't get half as much attention. It's the place he's booked - 'cause fuck taking you home to meet the family - for the weekend. 

Apart from the final night.

He's got you the hotel you love for the final night.

He'll say goodbye to Busan with you, just as you feel like you're saying hello.

There's an acute awareness that things between the pair of you won't always end happily, so he's trying to make the memories sweet. Giving you happy endings to daydream about when you forget that you hate him, as you inevitably, eventually will.

He's so caught up thinking about it that he forgets to reply to Yoongi. His train of thought is interrupted by Yoongi once more, his voice low this time. He's trying to avoid being heard by you.

"Just... be careful with her."

Silence in the wake of Yoongi's request deafens them both. His words are weighted. Jungkook knows Yoongi is telling him to take care of you, but part of him can't help but wonder if it's a warning. Maybe he should be careful of you, instead. 

He's not the only one with secrets. Naive of him to assume he is.

"Thought you were waiting in the car?" You smile as you finally emerge. 

Jungkook's eyes are on you immediately, and suddenly you're not the only one with a chime in your stomach. There's one in his too, and it's humming to the beat of his heart.

He'd already figured that you'd stolen one of his shirts before he woke, thanks to the fact your dress was hooked over the back of his desk chair that morning.  It's grey and faded, a billion sizes too big, resting just below your midthighs. You're wearing tights again, because of course you are.

He knows, within about a second, that he isn't gonna be able to make it to Busan without being inside of you at least once. There's gotta be a side lane close by that you won't get caught in. Shit. Maybe he should just take you in the back rooms right now. Yoongi'd get over it, he's sure. 

Cheeks a little hot, Jungkook is cringing at himself as he feels the blood rush to his cock. He can't be getting a semi in a GS-fuckin'-25. Wouldn't be the first time, but-

"Kook?"

"Sorry," he says with a smile, and pretends as if he was listening all along. "Was just talking with - sorry, what was it again? Yooji?-"

"Yoongi," you correct sweetly, eyes so smitten that Yoongi thinks stabbing himself in the eye with a motor oil dipstick would be less painful.

"Yeah, that. Didn't really how much we have in common. Both love our cars, real penchant for good soju..." Both wanna rail you so hard you forget your own name. "Interesting guy."

You look over to Yoongi, and it's clear as anything that he doesn't agree with a single word of what Jungkook is saying -but you think Jungkook is trying, and that only makes those eyes of yours even drunker in lo-

"You not have a hotel to get to?" Yoongi grimaces.

"Pollution's bad today, baby," Jungkook mumbles softly into your hair, ignoring Yoongi. It's said out of concern for you, but also for himself. 

It's easier for him if your face is a little obscured; easier to deny that you're the one he's holding onto for dear life as he leads you out of the shop. You think nothing of it, pulling up the mask that had been resting below your chin before the cold wind gets a chance to hit your face.

He's not wrong - the midday skies are clouded, a thick smog obscuring the mountain peaks that you love to look at so much. You love the winter sun, but it has you wishing for rain. It always clears the skies a little more; brightens the world up.

Daegu is dreamy, in the obscure, nightmarish kind of way that made you eat cheese before bed as a child. The best kind of dreams were always the ones that made you feel something - and as Jungkook starts up the pony, you're terrified. 

It's not a big deal. Going to Busan is casual. But being invited into a world that is exclusively his? Well, that's not casual at all.

It's weighted and deliberate, and intentional. He wants you there. Wants you in every aspect of his life, and yet you haven't even had the 'what are we' conversation yet.

You wait until Jieun arrives, just a minute later, before you make your departure. She says goodbye with a knowing look, and Yoongi is already out back working on breaking up a written-off car that came in for parts earlier that morning.

Jungkook's hand is on your back as he guides you out, the mask he had insisted on you wearing for air pollution purposes obscuring your face. It doesn't stop his eyes from darting all over the place, making sure he hasn't missed anyone lurking. He knows he's getting sloppy; that he could trip up at any point, and fall at the feet of the men who had sent him into your shop all those weeks ago.

But as the pair of you pull onto the highway, your dainty hand resting at the top of his thigh, nothing but the open road ahead of you and the smell of your perfume wrapping around his senses, he doesn't care.

He'd do it all again, he thinks.

In fact, he thinks he'd kiss you sooner, just to get a few more in. Your days are numbered. He knows you're not gonna last long enough to see the cherries blossom, and maybe it's better that way.

When he got into this mess, he was in search of a spring day to break; the seasons to change, and life to renew. The deeper he gets, the more futile he realises that dream was. You're the only thing he wants to see bloom, these days.

Such a shame he has to cut you from your roots, and watch you wilt instead.

────────────

Jungkook doesn't know what 'home' feels like anymore, and hasn't done for quite some time, now. He doesn't know what it feels like to be completely content, nor at ease, within his own body. 

Sometimes, though, when he's behind the wheel, the balls of his feet pressed to the pedals, he thinks it might feel close.

When the scent of gasoline seeps through the vents, and a toxic combination of burnt rubber and wiper fluid clouds the atmosphere behind his tinted windows, it seems like he could have a grasp on what it means to be 'home'. Or to have one, at least.

Maybe that's why he clings to the idea of you so much, and the way that your hair smells like gasoline. 

It's a trick of the mind; a subtle deception that perhaps you could feel like 'home', too.

He thinks of this as his car rolls onto a street he hasn't visited in what must be years, by this point. 

He's silent, glancing over to where you nap peacefully in his passenger's seat. Light scatters through the branches of trees which are yet to bloom, refracting as it hits the pale stone in your necklace. The underside of your chin is painted in rays of rainbow light. Your throat, too. Impossible, he thinks, for someone to be so ethereal without even so much as trying. Thinks that you're magic. 

But magic isn't real. He knows that deep down, beneath the scent of your hair and the taste of your rainbow stained skin, you're not real, either.

You're an illusion; a projection, just like that refracted light. 

Still, he smiles as you begin to stir, neck aching from the uncomfortable position you've had it in for the last thirty minutes. 

"Morning, sleepyhead," he teases, while you squeak and stretch your body out at far as you can. Palms on the dash, your head feels all stuffy and horrible, the nap only serving to make you feel even more sleepy. You bring the back of your hand to cover your mouth as you yawn, brows raised, eyes closed. 

"We here?" you mumble, turning to face the road, only to find the view is obscured by cargo lorries ferrying things to the harbour.

The shipping container next to you is a deep navy blue, its history etched onto the corrugated steel with white chalk markers. It rusts at the joints, paint flaking off and scattering into the atmosphere. It's remarkable, you think, how even things built to sustain the most brutal of weathers can still have areas of weakness.

"Just about," he nods, turning the radio up a little louder now that you're awake. His phone is plugged into the aux for once, but it sounds like it's still your playlist going. It's not. He's been crafting his own, taking note of the songs you like, and adding his own into the mix. Subtle integration of you into his life, perhaps. "About 10 minutes away from the hotel."

You hum a response as you sit up a little straighter, a frown on your face. You hadn't meant to sleep through the journey, but late nights with him and early starts at the gas station have really been doing a number on you.

Jungkooks thinks he's benefitted from your sleepiness, as it made you so bloody endearing that he found himself wanting to let you sleep, instead of pulling into a vacant side-road to sort out the awkward hard-on he's had since the moment he saw you in GS25 earlier on that day.

There had been a brief moment, when the pair of you had stopped by your place to pick up your travel bag, that he'd considered making a move - but you were excited to get going, and so was he.

Why waste time in Daegu? He wanted out of there. Wanted to be elsewhere, anywhere. Wanted to hold your hand in public, with your mask off and your hood down, just to watch the way other men would double-take you. 

Maybe because it's unknown - being with you, without fear of getting caught - or maybe it's because his intentions with you have changed in recent weeks. Whatever reason it is doesn't matter, though. The outcome will still be the same.

You watch as the cargo trucks begin to roll into gear, and then you're chasing the sun, heading towards your destination. Jungkook hasn't told you anything about where you're staying, just that he thinks you'll like it. Part of you hopes it will be that hotel you love along the shoreline, and as he takes a right onto the next road over, edging closer and closer to the shore, you think you might be in luck.

These hopes are short-lived, though, when you see a sign with the branding you know so well - even if you've only ever seen it online - and watch it disappear in the rearview mirror.

Funnily enough, there's no disappointment that follows this realisation. You couldn't care less where you stay. All you seem to care about is who you'll be staying with.

A smile tugs at the corner of your lips when his indicators begin to tick, and his hand, flat against the wheel, begins to pull clockwise. The place he's turning the car in to is nice. Too nice. There's a surface level car park, for starters, not one tucked beneath the first floor of a drive-in motel, like you'd half been expecting. 

The exterior walls are finished with European style red bricks; purpose-built and not in keeping with the dated architecture of its surroundings. There's an attitude to the building; attention-seeking without trying, refined yet unassuming. It reminds Jungkook of you, in a way. Reminds him of how no matter what you do, his focus always seems to be on you.

"Had this place on my bucket list," he says. "Opened up around the time I left town. Always said I'd stay here if I came back with someone else."

His last comment is unnecessary. He doesn't need to tell you he'd never brought anyone home to Busan, and yet he does, because it somehow feels important. 

A hotel resident swings through the front door as you're getting out of the car, and you can't help but notice that the chime is eerily similar to the one of the GS25 door. Identical, almost, to the one in your stomach. 

"Pretty," you muse, adoringly looking at the ivy that trails up and down the side of the building. 

"Prettier in summer," he says, taking your luggage from your hands and tilting his head forward as if to say 'ladies first'. "There's another vine running through it that blooms like nothing I've ever seen before. It's too cold for it to flower, yet, I think."

You smile as you listen to him talk, enamoured that a man so brash and bold can be so delicate and gentle when he wants to be. Mindless chatter fills the space between you as you enter the lobby, and wait for the concierge to check Jungkook's booking on the system, just to find out there's been a free upgrade.

"Wish she hadn't announced that," Jungkook mumbles in your ear as you head towards the elevator. "Totally would have pretended I'd splurged out on the upgrade instead."

You laugh, and tell him that he's stupid - and that you also saw the room rates by the front desk, so in your eyes, even the standard rooms are a splurge.

He shrugs, and insists he got it cheaper online thanks to some bullshit discount he can't be bothered to lie too deeply about. He wanted to experience this hotel, and he wanted to experience it with you. He'd have paid the price, whatever. 

Chances are he'll be making the money back in a weeks time, thanks to you, anyways. 

Thanks to you. Because of you. In spite of you. Whatever. Same difference. 

Same disgusting guilt that coats his skin like oil and drips from his body. Dare you strike a match, he's sure he'll set fire. Ablaze with the glory of whatever the fuck he feels for you; the flames of his failures smoking him to suffocation. Failure to act quick enough, failure to control himself, failure to do wrong by someone that feels so right. 

He shakes the thoughts from his head, his guilt steeped stomach a constant aide-mémoire.

"613," he reminds you of the room number as you reach the sixth floor. 

It's not quite the top floor, but it's far enough up that your view of the harbour will take your breath away, you're sure.

He laughs when you squeal in response, thankful for the fact you don't try and downplay your excitement like he knows you would have done when he first started seeing you.  He assumes you're comfortable now. Assumes you trust him. Assumes you feel safe. Assume, assume, assume. You're rubbing off on him, it seems.

He's got a rucksack on his back, and your own bag hooked is over his shoulder, yet he still uses his free hand to hold onto your waist as he walks behind you. He's so desperate to keep you close; fearful of what could happen if you ever were to part. His fingers grip a little tighter when you take a stride further than he anticipates, and he doesn't shuffle back when you finally reach the door. He rests his chin on your head instead, and watches the light on the door handle flash green when the room key taps against it.

The pair of you walk into the room in the same position, your back pressed to his chest, his strides wide behind you, so that he can walk in time with you. It's clumsy, and awkward, and hard to synchronise, but both of you are laughing so much that you're almost distracted from the view that floods in through the wall-length windows. Almost.

You stop in your tracks when you see it, gasping at the sight. Jungkook looks up from your hair, his arms tight around you, to see what you've noticed - and then he notices it, too. 

"Holy shit," you say, unable to articulate anything else. 

The ocean in front of you spans for miles; endless upon the horizon, with nothing but Gwangalli bridge standing in its way. Boats dapple the vast expanse, tiny and delicate, obscured by the incredible distance between you. 

It's blue. Blue, blue, blue; the skies, the sea, the way you feel sorrow in your chest from never having seen anything so beautiful before.

Jungkook is smug as he whispers into your hair, "Boy did good?"

You've not even looked at the crisp white sheets, yet, freshly laundered on a  queen size bed, nor the decadent hotel decor that you're sure will be identical in every single room. The other rooms don't matter to you, though; just 613, and the boy with bleach blonde hair who had driven you to Busan in his bright red pony. 

The stuff of fairytales, some might argue.

"Boy did good," you whisper back, turning your head to steal a kiss. He smiles into your lips, your body his to move as he pleases, as he begins to walk you to the bed. 

A soft puff of air blows around your body as it lands on the outrageously fluffed duvet. He crawls onto the bed with you, one hand on your cheek, the other laced with yours above your head. 

"View like this and all you wanna do is waste it?" You grin into his lips, voice as sweet as his touch.

He's quiet as he presses his lips to your throat, slow as he trails his tongue down it.

"Not a waste,' he says, as his teeth graze ever so gently. The firmness of his crotch is devastatingly erotic as it presses against you. "And fuck the view. Rather look at you."

You go to argue against him, but he's adamant you're far prettier. Tells you if it means that much to you, though, he'll be willing to take you from behind so that you can look at the view - which is how you end up wrapped in a duvet, hair a mess and mascara a little smudged half an hour later. 

You're sat together on the floor, backs against the side of the bed, looking out at the view as his arm drapes around your shoulders. His lips are nestled into your hair, because it seems to be his happy place, but neither of you are talking. Just existing, like you so often like to do together.

There's an unspoken understanding that this is an unusual occurrence for the both of you. 

He doesn't do romance. He doesn't really do anything that would ever indicate a shag is more than just a shag. He'll compliment, and he'll charm, but he'll never say any words of actual worth. Not like he does with you. He doesn't cuddle, doesn't snuggle, doesn't kiss outside of the realm of a fuck. Again, not like he does with you.

When you turn to face him, catching the countenance in his eyes as he looks at you - chin, nose, eyes, lips, eyes again - you know that any kiss that could follow would be fatal. 

It would seal the deal that neither of you have been brave enough to make.

There's hesitation. His breaths are heavy, prick still a little plump beneath the sheets that covers his modesty, but he's not hard. Not horny. It's not what's leading his thoughts, nor his actions. 

And then, suddenly, but somehow also so perfectly predictable, he kisses you. 

It isn't simple. It isn't just because he can - but it's also not for any ulterior motive, either. It's soft, his lips not as hard against yours as they usually are. They squeeze your bottom lip, then release. And then he does it again. No welcome intrusion of his tongue. No hands roaming to your chest. No smile as he does it. 

But why would he be smiling when he's terrified? 

He just kisses, and kisses, and kisses. He makes no further moves, not even when you let the sheets slip, nor when you hook your leg over his lap and move across to straddle his thighs. You're so incredibly wet, his touches minimal, yet so deeply intimate, that he can feel you leaking all over him. His cock is flushed, stiff, and stood to attention, resting against the base of his abs. 

Still, he doesn't really touch you. His wrists are resting on the top of your thighs, but his palms aren't lying flat. They're open, not balled into fists, and you can't quite figure him out. You feel shy and insecure, because why isn't he touching you? Doesn't he want you? 

But then you go to pull away from his lips, and he whines and shakes his head.

Come back, baby, he wants to say, but it gets trapped in his throat, and all he can get out is a little grunt. 

He knows he's being pathetic. Knows that he must look like a fucking weirdo.

Part of you wants to laugh; wants to ask where the man who ate his own cum out of your pussy and spat it into your mouth is. 

Most of you, though, is consumed by the sheer terror that's encompassing him. You feel it too. All of this is so unfamiliar, and scary, and alarming and yet so... safe. 

His palms finally lay flat, prowling to your ass, where he squeezes as if to say hello. Eventually, he pulls you further up his lap. You're raised above him, the heat of your pussy so warm, and welcoming, and inviting, that he simply can't hold back any longer. 

No words are spoken, you simply nod. 

You aren't kissing anymore. Just looking at one another. He doesn't drop his gaze when he lines himself up with your entrance. 

It's only when you sink down onto him that his eyes close, as his head leans against the corner of the mattress. The expanse of his throat is pristine, not a hickey in sight, and you like it this way. It - you - somehow still feels like a secret. One shared, but one that is safe. Just for you. Just for him. For one another.

Jungkook lasts longer inside of you than he thinks he will. The silence is only broken by hushed whines and dulcet groans. Your hands rest on his shoulders, and stay there the entire time. It's almost like you're both petrified that changing position will change the way that you're feeling. You look at one another like you're holding hands across a tightrope, dependent on one another to stay alive. 

If he falls, so do you. 

But it's not the falling he's afraid of. Not really. He's been enjoying the freefall for the past few weeks, now. It's the inevitable crash and burn that scares him.

There's something about the angle, the way he's got you deep and slow, that has the tightrope tying itself in pretty little bows around the bell that lives rent-free in your stomach. 

Jungkook sees the way that your brows begin to furrow. He grunts as your lips rest ajar, restless gasps shying away, hiding in your throat. His hips keep at the pace he's set. He knows what's happening, and even though he's spent the last couple of weeks desperately trying to not let happen, he knows he's gotta let you come undone. 

He wants you to. Needs you to. Needs to know that it's not just him that can't control himself.

It's euphoric when it happens. His arms wrap around your back, pulling your chest to his, and only then does he realise how hard your nipples are; how much your entire body has begged him for this. He squeezes you so tightly that your back clicks, but he doesn't really worry because you're shaking on him, muscles out of control as the orgasm he was fucking into you finally cascades over your body. 

You're thankful for the way he's holding you close, your pussy so tight that Jungkook finds himself whining into your neck; and then he's kissing it, pressing his teeth to your skin, holding them there as his muffled moans vibrate against you. 

'Shouldn't-' he thinks, even his thoughts stuttering and getting all confused. 'Shouldn't do this. Gonna end in tears. Gonna end - shit. Gonna fucking end. Shit. So good. So fucking good.'

Pussy so good he swears he'll fuck it forever, and then his thoughts catch up with him, and he's spiralling all over again. 

'Fucking disaster. Heaven in human form. Temptress devil dressed as an angel. Shut the fuck up, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,' he begins to scold himself. 'Prick. She never fucking lied -' And then his head is battling against itself. '-but she did though - she didn't - did-'

"Shut the fuck up."

He doesn't even realise he's said it until your laboured breaths and spent body seem to falter, but you fail to muster up anything more than a "Hmm?"

You're sure you must have heard him wrong.

"Nothing. Not you," he husks in your neck, though he can't really get his words out 'cause he's seconds away from spilling into you. "You sound so good, baby. So good. Gonna make me cum so fucking hard." He knows he shouldn't be encouraging it, but he can't stop. "Keep moaning for me, baby. Let me know how good I feel."

You hum a laugh, so sweet and saccharine that Jungkook thinks you must be laced in some kind of addictive substance. It's the only way to explain how he feels. He's an addict, hooked on you. 

The moans that roll off your tongue aren't fake, but you let yourself be a little louder for him. 

"Like that," you tell him. You're already done, spent, but you want him to feel just as good as you do, even if his size has you feeling a little sore by now. You encourage him, knowing that it'll become painful if he doesn't finish soon. 

It almost feels like there's something holding him back, though. You think he's just edging himself. You don't notice the way the lines in his forehead crease together in such a way that they almost spell out words. You'd have studied them, if you had noticed. Would have convinced yourself that you could read 'trust,' in the lines, and not 'traitor,' instead.

You move your hips against his, ass bouncing against the top of his thighs in a way that you haven't done for the entire session. He's been working so hard for you that it's about time for you to return the favour, it seems. 

The way his neck stretches back, eyes shut, lips pouted and perfect as he fails to formulate anything other than "fuck, baby," lets you know it's appreciated.

'I'm going to fucking hell,' he tells himself. 'When I die, which seems like a sooner rather than later kinda thing, I'm going straight down to the pits. Pussy like heaven, so fucking good that it's a sin. Angel. Angel, angel, angel, baby. Gotta have you. Can't let anyone else have you. Fuck, no. Shouldn't. Shouldn't have you. Fuck it. Need you. Oh, god. Like that. Like that.'

He pulls on your hair so that you're sat up straight as he rams into you, your fucked out face the only thing he wants to see when he finally succumbs to your body. He nods at you, as if he's trying to say something that you don't quite understand. Letting you know he's close? Letting you know that he feels the same way, too? It's unclear, but you're in no position to ask - so you just nod back, and let the rapture happen.

"Shit," he all but whimpers, and then he's in purgatory; heaven and hell meeting at some kind of divine intervention as he spills all that he is into a vessel of freedom that he isn't sure he can afford anymore. "Jesus Christ," he chokes, the mess of his load leaking from you and down his shaft. 

The lines in his forehead have smoothed, now, brows open, eyes half-closed. He laughs, once, twice, unable to stop himself. He forgets it all in the wake of his orgasm; his turmoil, your troubles, the turbulent path he knows he's about to go down. 

All he can think about is you, him, the present, the physical. The right now. The way that you're in Busan, and how the dreary streets of Daegu can't hurt you. 

Rather foolish of him to think that little deaths would have you falling in love, when he's the one whose head feels like cotton candy, heart beating like a butterfly bursting from its cocoon. 

The screen of his phone is alight on the dresser, again. You had noticed it earlier, but neglected to say anything; mainly because you didn't want to lose the moment, but also because you feared that whoever was on the end of the line could have you losing him, too.

The freedom of your arrangement, the unspoken boundaries, affords you great comforts, but also leaves you with lingering doubts. You aren't naive. You know that men his age - men in general - aren't ones to be trusted with your heart. Platonic, romantic, familial. Not a single man has ever deserved to hold it in their hands, and any that you have given the chance to have dropped it at the first hurdle. It's a death sentence, you think, giving Jungkook your heart.

So you simply won't.

But in the comedown of a fuck that really didn't feel much like a fuck, more like a meeting of minds, bodies, consciousnesses - fuck it - hearts, you find yourself thinking that maybe it would be nice to try. 

You're still in his lap when he stands, his cock inside of you, even if a little soft, now. He's gentle, and slow, taking you with him, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his hips. There's comfort in his silence as he leads you to the bathroom; familiarity in his feverish need to shower.

His phone continues to ring out on the dresser, silent and sinister, the glow of his screen the only source of light other than the moon that pours in through the windows. He clocks it as he turns to close the door, while you let your body become acquainted with the pressure of the shower on your skin.

And then, he presses the door firmly shut. The world can wait just a little longer, even if only for a night. 

Tonight, he's yours, even if you never asked him to be. 

He's yours, because he knows that come next weekend, you really will never ask him to be.

But you're just as much his. 

He'll wrap you up in a fluffy white towel, and lay down with you in white sheets, that are creased only by the illustrations of your entanglement. He'll give you a tissue, white, to clean yourself up with, after he loses himself inside you once again. He'll laugh with you, teeth on show, white, as you talk into the early hours of the morning. He'll watch the moon reflect in the ocean waves with you, white, until you both fall asleep.

And you'll feel all pink; rosy cheeks, blushed lips, bubblegum heart and peachy pigmented skin from his kisses that bloom like posies. Pink like the early dawn skies over quiet ocean waves, and pink like your favourite wine that can get you tipsy with just a few sips. Pink and pretty like his lips that pout even when he's asleep. Pink like the pads of your feet as you tiptoe to the bathroom to get a glass of water as quietly as you can. Pink, like the faint light next to the plug socket where his phone is plugged into a charger. Pink, like the tiny light at the top of his screen to let him know he has a flurry of unread notifications; missed calls. 

Except it's not pink at all. 

It's red. 

Your eyes are just tired, and you're deluding yourself. Just like you have been of every single red flag that Jungkook has presented to you so far. 

But when you look at the mess of blonde hair that belongs to the man hidden in the white sheets which have kept you warm all night, everything is pink again. 

"Sleep," he mumbles as you crawl back into bed, his arms wrapping around your waist to hold you close. His lips rest in the crook of your neck, a lazy kiss delicately finding its home there. 

"I'm sleeping," you whisper, the white lie nothing more than a joke that you're both in on.

"Promise?" he sleepily humours you, to which you smile.

"Pinky."

────────────

There's a magic to sea air.

It's not quite Disney, and definitely isn't Hogwarts, but it's something. It makes you feel all excited, and giddy, and like the world is at your feet. If you say the right words, or swish and flick a little bit of driftwood in the right order, then maybe you'll find that the world isn't all that hard to acquire.

Because maybe it's not the sea air that's magic. Maybe it's just what comes with being beside someone like Jeon Jungkook.

You quickly learn that there's a side to him you never knew. It's one that's incredibly mundane, but just as refreshing as the peach teas he points out to you on every cafe menu, 'cause he knows how much you like them, and doesn't want you to miss out on the opportunity to indulge in something you find such simple pleasure in.

Jungkook smiles.

He smiles a lot.

He smiles at the harbour views, at the elderly as they walk past, and at the market stall owners who charge him far too much for a stick of strawberry tanghulu. He smiles when you ask him about his life in Busan, and he smiles when you get distracted by every single dog you walk past, regardless of the conversation you've been engaged in.

He smiles when you tell him you fancy Italian for dinner, instead of engaging in an awkward back and forth of 'what do you want?', 'no, what do you want?'.

He smiles when you reach the halfway checkpoint of the Igidae coastal trail. You're leaning on the wooden bannister, clearly out of breath but pretending to look at the view instead - and it's a beautiful view, at that. Clear blue skies, waves that crash and mellow within the same second, and an endless cerulean sea.

He thinks about all the possibilities out there, and half-wonders if maybe he could just get on a boat with you and say goodbye to the choices he's made.

The only choice he's been sure of lately is you, and when his horizon is blocked by your sloping shoulders and claw-clipped hair, he's pretty sure you're the only opportunity he wants to experience from now on.

He's never walked this trail before, but he wanted to show you the best of Busan, hoping it would convince you that you're also seeing the best of him. As he pulls on your hand, pointing out the little numbers some poor soul had scribbled on the stairs to reassure other hikers how many were left, you're positive that you'd walk the trail a thousand times over, just to be met with his smile at the end.

Because Jeon Jungkook smiles.

He smiles and he smiles and he smiles.

He smiles over dinner, in a tight little hole-in-the-wall pizzeria, that at least attempts to make pizza authentic, even if they do have '+corn, 500w' next to every single option. He smiles when he tells you to put your card away, 'cause it's on him, and then he smiles when you trip on the ledge between the restaurant and the street.

You don't fall because he's holding your hand with a grip so tight you swear your fingers might actually fall off.

"One beer and you're legless," he teases, his hold on your hand tightening as he loops his arm over your shoulder. It's a warm embrace; one that fills your nose with the scent of his aftershave, and plasters an equally large smile on your face. He's infectious, it would seem, and not once has he insisted that you wear a mask since you arrived in Busan.

"Fuck off," you laugh, walking down the street together as if this is how it's always been.

Not a single person gives you a second glance, not even the middle-aged men sat drinking outside of the bar at the end of the street. It's dark, lamposts and decorative fairy lights guiding you home, the city alive with the hustle and bustle of whatever happens after dark. The noraebangs in the area are all hostess bars, and the actual bars are packed, so home is where you're headed. There's no company you'd rather keep than one another's.

"I love this place," you muse. There's a vibrancy here that you've been missing in Daegu, but if you were to take a moment to think about it, the cities have nothing to do with it. It's the boy, and the lack of distractions from him, that you really enjoy.

"Home sweet home," he replies nonchalantly. "Ain't nothing like it."

"You miss living here?"

Your question is met with silence. You leave it a moment, thinking that Jungkook is just debating his answer. Perhaps it isn't something he's ever given much thought to before. That seems like a safe assumption to make.

The answer would reveal a truth that Jungkook isn't quite ready to admit to just yet - but he wants to admit it. Wants to tell you everything.

All the things you should know, and all the secrets he wishes you'll never find out.

It's inevitable that one day you will find out, and he wonders if it would hurt more coming from his tongue. Regretfully, he thinks it will. To lie is to be merciful, or so he tells himself.

"You're so-" he begins so decidedly that it's almost a surprise, yet he cuts himself off. It's like he shocked even himself with the outburst. He glances down to his hand - the one you're holding onto - laughs, and then gazes back to the end of the street, where the dark tide is rolling onto a shallow beach. With a shake of his head, he says 'fuck it' to his reservations, and tries out a little honestly. "You're fucking with my head, you are."

There's a smile on his lips despite the accusation, and it has you smiling, too. You think nothing of it more than flirtatious banter.

"Oh yeah?" You toy. "How so?"

He knows this tone of yours, and knows you've taken it well; knows that all he can do is play along, so as to not raise suspicions. He doesn't mean to be so erratic with his thoughts, and in turn, his words - but he isn't kidding. You really are fucking with his pretty little head.

"How are you not?" He flirts back. "Can't think straight when I'm around you."

He watches as you drop your head, your nose all scrunched up, in the same way his own nose scrunches up whenever you're too kind to him. The only difference is he doesn't believe he's being kind at all.

You deserve more than he can - or is willing to - give you.

There's untapped potential between the pair of you, that will sadly remain that way. He figures he should make the most of this while it lasts; hold your hand as much as he can, get lost for days in the scent of your hair, and make you laugh for hours on end. He knows he'll miss hearing it when it all ends.

You don't know it yet, but you'll miss it too.

Maybe you'd do things differently if you knew that your time was limited.

"You're stupid," you reply rather childishly, because it's the best your bashful brain can think of. "Is that why you nearly hit me that night on the bridge? When you were racing? Too distracted by how much of a mindfuck I am?"

"You have any idea how much easier my life would have been if I had just hit you?" He muses, looking down at you.

You wait until he's finished his words to look back at him, but you wish that you hadn't, 'cause there's a look in his eyes which makes you think he isn't lying.

It should scare you - but like an uncomfortably awkward damsel in distress from a vampire movie, crushing on a bloke who is definitely a little bit too creepy for anyone's liking - it doesn't.

"Far easier," you guess, not letting your smile drop. "Waking up next to me must be torture."

"Waking up next you," he nods. "Sharing my aux with you, paying my water bill after learning just how much you like showers hot enough to kill a lobster. Hate it all."

"Oh god, me too," you say quickly before his lips cut you off for a second, only to let you finish a moment later. "Hate it so much. So glad we're on the same pa-"

This time, it's not the lips of the boy you like a little too much cutting you off, but the voice of a boy you're sure you could grow to like just as much, if ever given the opportunity.

"Well I fuckin' never," a voice booms from across the street in your direction.

You ignore it, not really thinking anything of it - just some rowdy lads who are talking amongst themselves after a few too many beers, you assume - until Jungkook's head snaps in the direction of the voice.

His expression is startled, but quickly softens to his usual boyish disposition. There's a defensiveness, though, to the way his hand tightens around yours - until he drops it altogether.

"Kim Taehyung," Jungkook beams, adjusting his posture so that you're partially shielded from the man across the street, who's checking both sides to make sure it's clear before he crosses.

He's handsome, in a way that's entirely different to Jungkook. His broadness isn't exclusive to his shoulders, but the way he carries himself, and the sleazy smile that rests on his lips where a cigarette fits snug. He exhales, and crosses the road, the grin on his face only getting larger.

"Jeon Jungkook," he nods, greeting him with such familiarity that you feel all embarrassed.

You've no idea who this man is. His name has never been mentioned before. In fact, no names have ever been mentioned. There's little you know about Jungkook.

Sure, you know how he mindlessly fidgets, and how he whines when your tongue strokes against his taint, but what do you really know about him? Nothing of any value. Nothing that signifies you're of any value to him.

"And who's this?" Taehyung asks, but Jungkook's reply only further confirms your assumptions.

The question is addressed to you, Taehyung looking just as dangerous as that cigarette in his mouth is. He's a slow burn, you think, the kind of boy who'll grow on you, and before you know it, you'll be just another victim of his charm. It's unsurprising that he would be acquainted with Jungkook. After all, the company you keep is a reflection of yourself.

You look to Jungkook, who looks over his shoulder back to you. He's not really looking at you, per say, not how he does when you're alone. When he turns back to face Taehyung, you see the way his cheeks rise to smile, and you don't mind his coldness all of a sudden.

But then he opens his mouth and you think if you weren't such stone-cold bitch, you'd cry.

"Just a friend from Daegu. No one special."

It's humiliating, granted, but any reaction would only serve to embarrass you both - so you simply keep quiet, and smile. Your brows lift a little, eyes on Taehyung, who takes a toke as he looks between you and Jungkook.

He's smirking as he exhales, like he knows Jungkook is full of shit.

"Well, fuck me. I gotta find myself some friends in Daegu. Taehyung," he says as he holds his hand out for you to shake, with a look on his face like he hasn't eaten for a week.

There's something about him that's refreshing. He's an asshole, yes - undeniable - but at least he doesn't pretend not to be, like Jungkook does. He's undressing you with his eyes in the same way that Jungkook does with his hands. And for what Jungkook just said? You're pleased. Maybe you should let Taehyung take you home instead - after all, according to Jungkook, you're just a friend from Daegu. No one special.

"Uh-uh," Jungkook shakes his head. He's teasing, but he steps further in front of you, blocking Taehyung from your vision. "I know what you're like, Tae. Hands off this one."

The way he's talking makes you wanna turn on your heels and walk all the way back to fucking Daegu. Whoever it is that's currently shielding you from the danger of a fuck boy isn't Jungkook. Not the Jungkook you know at least.

"I'm just a friendly guy," Taehyung jokes back. "You know me. What brings you back home? Haven't since you since the wake. Been a while."

Jungkook's back stiffens, but Taehyung doesn't notice.

"Just some family stuff. Thought I'd make a weekend of it." He tilts his head back towards you. The movement has Taehyung's eyes on you again. To feel so unapologetically desired is thrilling, but it kind of makes you sick. You want Jungkook to hold your hand. Signify that you're his. Tell Taehyung that he doesn't stand a chance. But of course, he doesn't. "Thought I'd show her around. Visit some old haunts. How have you been?"

"All good," Taehyung replies, not really interested in what Jungkook has to say. It's formality, really. If he cared that much about what Jungkook had been up to, he would have made more of an effort to keep in touch. "Saw your brother yesterday, actually."

God, it's like one sucker punch after another. A brother? You've no idea who this man is.

"Seeing him tomorrow," Jungkook nods, and again, it's bloody fucking news to you. "He good?"

"Baby's keeping him up all hours apparently, he looks fucking exhausted. Met the baby yet?"

"Nah, nah, tomorrow," Jungkook says, and you're surprised by how... mundane the conversation is. You can't tell if they're friends, or if there's something more troubling at play. Everything feels coded, but you're struggling to read into it. You're too fixated on how much of Jungkook's life you're unaware of.

"Oh, nice," Taehyung replies. "You should come by the boxing club while you're in town. Be good to see you. I'm sure the boys would be pleased to see Busan's finest back where he belongs." He looks over Jungkooks shoulder to you, again, and smiles in that sultry way you're sure enables him to never go without a bed to sleep in. "Bring your friend with you. Think we could all do with a new friend."

The way he talks is crude. It's unapologetic, and if it were any other man, you'd probably be repulsed - but you're too busy being pissed off with Jungkook to care.

"Think I could do with a new friend, too," you hum back, lips pouty, chest a little pushed forward. "See you there?"

"Oh, I'll be waiting," Taehyung almost fucking moans.

Jungkook presses the pad of his thumb across the tops of his fingers, one by one, clicking them in their sockets. His frustration is evident, but the grave he's in is one that he dug himself.

You may feel like you don't know him, but he knows you. He should have anticipated that you wouldn't play nice after he said something like that.

But oh, on the contrary - you think you are playing nice. Very nice. For Taehyung, you'll be the nicest girl in the world.

And that's all Jungkook can think about.

It's intrusive, the thought of just how nice you can be.

He's thinking of your hair, all nice and tied up in a ponytail, and how Tae's hand could wrap around it. He's thinking about your pretty little knees, and how good you look when you're on them. He's thinking about your chest - God, he fucking loves your chest - and how it stands to attention when you're cold. And of course, you'd be cold, 'cause he's imagining all of this happening in the back rooms of the boxing club. At least you wouldn't be able to come, but he's barely been making that happen lately, anyways.

If there's one thing he hates more than the idea of you with Tae, it's himself.

Taehyung says his farewells, and lets his gaze linger on you for far too long, and says "you've got a look about you, friend from Daegu. Something familiar," before heading back to where he came from. The gaggle of lads he was with are still waiting for him. It seems as if he's in charge; the ringleader of sorts.

It intrigues you.

But he doesn't entice you the way that Jungkook does.

There's no softness to him, not like Jungkook with his big, round, chocolate button eyes and ever-scrunched nose.

You're mad at him now, though. Pissed. In fact, you begin to walk away as soon as Taehyung is gone, because you simply don't want to be around him any longer. You're even thinking about booking yourself in for a separate hotel room. Fuck his gestures, and fuck the effort he's made. Means fuck all, now.

Who the fuck does that? Who brings you to their hometown - into their life - and turns around and dismisses what you are to them so cruelly? He'd paid god knows what for that hotel, driven the pair of you to the city, paid for everything despite your protests, and asked for nothing in return.

You know full well that if you'd have gotten back to the hotel before the Taehyung incident, and had been too tired to fuck, or just not in the mood, Jungkook wouldn't have cared. Even sex wasn't something he seemed to think he was owed. Not like most guys.

He'd have probably stroked love letters onto your back with the tip of his index finger until you fell asleep, instead.

See, there are - or at least there were - no expectations with Jungkook, which is probably what makes this all so disappointing for you. Foolishly, you thought you had a good one in him.

He's a man, though. How good can they ever really be?

Heels clicking against the pavement as you walk, you sound far more powerful than you feel. You want to take your stupid fucking shoes off and launch them at his stupid fucking head. How dare he reduce to nothingness.

"Hey," he calls after you, as if he hasn't just torn your heart out, hands all bloody while he toys with it. "CC! Hold up!"

There's a trail of blood as you walk that leads to the hole in your chest, and so he follows it like a bloodhound in search of its prey.

He repeats his call when you ignore him, catching up with you far too easily for your liking. You don't like getting caught.

"What?" You snap, arms folded across your chest, but you keep on walking. A gaggle of girls walk by, far too drunk to be in heels that high, and they coo a little bit as they clock Jungkook. You find yourself sneering. "Oh look. Some more friends for you to make."

"Hey, c'mon," he reaches out for you but you shake him off, so he tries again, a little harder. It doesn't hurt, and if you want to, you can pull away.

Shamefully, you can't bring yourself to. Those with the power to hurt are also apparently those with the power to heal - and all you want is for him to put your heart back where it belongs and kiss it better.

"You know I didn't-"

"Didn't what?" You fight, because that's all you're really good at. "Mean it? Mean to say it? Or didn't think that this actually meant anything?"

"Fuck," he seethes a little, teeth gritted and jaw sharp. He loosens his grip on you, and rubs the pads of his fingers against his jaw instead, tongue pressing into the side of his cheek. His nostrils are flared, and there's bite behind his bark. "Don't turn this into something that it isn't."

"I'm not turning it into anything," you say so calmly that it's almost unsettling. "But turn it into what? A lovers tiff? No worries. We're just friends, babe. Can't turn it into one of those."

"You're being unreasonable."

"I'm being perfectly reasonable."

"CC-"

"I've got a name," you remind him. "Maybe use that, instead. CC feels a little... I don't know. More than friendly? And we wouldn't wanna blur those lines, would we?"

"Christ. Can you stop?" he pleads, the frustration he feels overwhelmed by the desperate need to control the situation. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

"I don't think you know what you meant, Jungkook," you shrug, because fuck letting him think you're hurt. "You just let some guy fuck me with his eyes, because according to you, we're just friends. You saw that, right? You saw the way he was looking at me like a piece of fucking meat? And you let him."

Jungkook doesn't say anything for a moment. His body is stiff, as if he's rebooting; calibrating to find an answer. Yes, he had let Tae do whatever the fuck he liked, because it was easier than explaining the truth of who you are to him. Safer. In his eyes, it had been a lesser of two evils, but you're seeing Jungkook as the only evil.

Your chest is beating so hard in your chest that the thump, thump, thump has drowned out the chime that's usually there.

"No," he tries again. "It's not like that. I know what I said, but it's not what I meant."

And then you do that thing again. You calm yourself, your voice so serene and superficial that it makes his skin crawl. He can tell how angry you are, and yet you're so fucking pleasant. It's psychotic - but how can he complain about your anger when you're fucking smiling at him like he just saved a bird from drowning?

"You don't have to explain, Jungkook. It's cool"

"No," he protests, but it's met with vacancy behind your eyes. "I do."

"No," you say, tone firm and assertive. You don't need to be let down gently. Your feelings don't need to be spared. "You know what I'm like. I need to stop making so many assumptions."

Ouch. He can practically feel the dagger you have for a tongue slicing at his heart.

"Well what did you assume?" He asks, because playing along seems like the only way he can get you to engage in conversation with him.

"My assumptions are mine," you say quietly, walking closer towards him, until your index finger can tap against his chest. "Maybe if we were friends, I'd share them with you. But I don't share with people who only know how to take. From the look in Taehyung's eyes, it seems like he knows how to give a thing or two, so who knows, Jungkook? Maybe I'll share with him."

Jungkook is silent.

It's a threat. He fucking knows it's a threat.

All those missed orgasms seem like a terrible idea, now. He thought he'd been helping, thought that you'd just think he was an idiot, like any other guy who didn't know where the fucking clit was. Thought it would help slow the feelings that are developing regardless.

But you knew he knew.

He's a fucking connoisseur. He's had you coming undone in ways that no other man has ever gotten close to. For him to suddenly forget how to make you tremble on his fingers was laughable.

You'd chosen not to mention it, because foolishly, you thought that you were the issue - but if he's gonna hurt your pride, then you're gonna hurt his right back.

You shake your head, and walk to the curb, raising your arm for the taxi that's hurtling down the road. There's a screech as it comes to a stop, almost like a reset button being pressed.

You feel a weight being eased from your chest, glad to have finally put him in his place for the no-gasm issue, but a new weight is just as heavy on your feet. You open the door, think about getting in, but can't. For some reason, the idea of leaving without him has you close to tears.

Asking the driver to wait just a minute, you turn to find him fixated on you, those soft chocolate eyes of his so warm as they stare you down. His brows are lifted, mouth firmly pursed shut, but you can see from the way his chest is beating that he's breathing heavier than his lungs can really manage.

You've never seen him cry, but you think you might tonight.

"C'mon," you eventually say, knocking your head to the side. You've a lot fight in you, but far more fear. You don't know what you mean to Jungkook, and you're not gonna kid yourself and pretend like you feel secure in it - but you know what he means to you. The idea of him staying elsewhere has you feeling all feeble and pathetic. You don't think he would, but you know that he could. "It's late. Let's just go back to the hotel."

He stuffs his hands into his front pockets and looks down, the usual confidence he wears masked by a thin layer of shame. It has a sheen to it; a stain. He's not the man that he wants to be for you, and he knows you're starting to wise up to it.

"Kook," you encourage, but he still resists.

He doesn't deserve this; doesn't deserve you. Doesn't deserve the olive branch you're extending, when he knows he should be on his knees begging like a dog.

He could do that for you. Beg like a dog, in his own, fucked up, kind of way.

On his hands and knees. Begging.

In fact, he thinks it's the only thing can do for you right now.

And so he gets in the taxi as you ask, and stays quiet.

The drive is silent, but taxi rides often are, so he tries to ignore it. When you go to pay, he holds your hand back, and offers up his card instead. The grip he has is gentle, but it burns like the heat of a thousand matches, and when it leaves, you're left smouldering. You don't want to lose the heat, no matter how much damage it can do.

Silence permeates, and dulls the chime in your stomach that you'd expect to hear in a hotel elevator with Jungkook.

So much silence.

Silence as the door to your hotel room clicks open, and silence as you kick off your shoes. Silence when your bag is tossed on the bed, and silence when Jungkook's shoes join your own.

There's silence as he walks to stand behind you while you look out onto the midnight sea, and there's silence when he presses a kiss into the crook of your neck.

There's silence when he whispers your name, and silence when you hum in satisfaction from the way his lips feel against the expanse of your throat.

Silence so loud that you want to scream.

Silence so loud that you wouldn't be able to hear the scream regardless.

Silence, silence, silence that is so fucking loud, you must be deaf.

But you can hear the small intakes of breath that he takes between the kisses he peppers on your skin. You can hear the click of his lips, and the way he whispers 'I didn't mean it,' as if it would eradicate the hurt caused by such a simple exchange of words.

And then his hands of fire are creeping beneath your shirt, and you're all warm and pliable for him.

You so desperately want proof that he didn't mean what he said, and if there's one thing you're sure of, it's that he doesn't fuck you like you're just a friend.

So you think you might just let him.

He can tell you're apprehensive and he knows why, and that he has to prove himself to you. Moonlight pours in through the window, and you're bathed in it like some kind of ethereal goddess that will surely disappear when dawn breaks. He has to make this last.

He strips you of your clothes, and funnily enough, it isn't the most vulnerable you've felt in the last few hours. In fact, you feel confident, now. You know what you're doing when it comes to matters of the body. Matters of the heart? Not so much.

Your capabilities for either of those aren't required now, though. This is all on him.

He encourages you to the bed, so you sit by the foot, and wait for instruction.

"Lie down," he says, eyes remarkably on yours, and not your tits instead. It must be a first.

It's curious how softly he looks at you; almost like you could break.

Maybe it's because he knows he has to be extra careful, because he's the only one capable of breaking you.

And so you nod, because maybe, just maybe, he could fix you, too.

In fact, when he gets to his knees and grips his palms around your ankles to drag you closer to the end of the bed, you can almost feel your heart swelling. Healing.

Y'see, it's familiar, and safe, and certain; Jungkook will fuck you, and you will mistake the way he kisses you when he cums as a declaration of something more than what it is.

For now, though, he's only thinking about ways to get you off. Anything is on the table. He'll do it all. Do whatever you ask. Do things you're too afraid to ask.

He spreads your legs apart, and spends longer than is normally comfortable staring at you. He's appreciating it; the way your lips slowly part, a little damp and so delightfully warm. He loves your scent. Wishes he could bottle it up - but for now, he'll settle for drinking from the source.

When his tongue strokes against you, it's slow. The pressure behind it feels intentional, the warm studs of his tongue piercing making your toes curl from just one touch. He exhales against you, then inhales because - fuck me - you smell divine. His tongue licks again, languid and flat, his head nodding ever so gently. The change in movement has your hands gripping onto the sheets, a shallow affirmation of 'fuck, Kook, yes' spurring him on.

He hums against you, and you swear it's better than any vibrator you've ever had. It's almost as if he's saying something, but can't get his words out - which would make sense, given the fact his mouth of full of your pussy. His tongue points, as his palms rest on the underside of your thighs to angle you a little better for him.

He pushes his tongue into your entrance, and it has you mewling. Wetness seeps into his mouth, sweet and musky, just how he fucking likes it, and he's doing that thing where he whines against you again, and you swear you might just cum right there and then.

It's noticeable, though, how your grip is on the sheets, and not him.

Your heels are digging into the duvet, not pressing against the top of his spine, and your fingers aren't in his hair.

Still, your pussy is leaking onto his tongue, and arguably, he could be fooled into thinking you've let down your guard for him.

But you haven't really.

He can see this; the way you've detached sex, and the pleasure that it coexists with, from the emotional intimacy he's fostered with you.

It's like he can touch you, but you're scared to touch him. You're using him - and he knows he deserves it.

When he pulls away from you, clear strings of slick connect his mouth to your core. The sheen covers his lips, his chin, the tip of his nose. Moonlight drenches him, and in turn, so do you. He watches how your chest heaves as his fingers come to replace the pressure from his tongue on your pussy.

Your body may be his, but you're not.

'Touch me,' he wants to say, but he's embarrassed by how badly he seems to have fucked up the one good thing going for him - and so he pushes his fingers into you, hoping that he'll be able to get you forgetting about the fact he's no good for you; get you wanting him like you used to.

And you do.

Oh god, you do, so badly.

There's nothing you want more than to have your fingers tangled in his hair, have him hissing when you pull a little too hard, keeping him locked in position against the mess he's made - but you're embarrassed. You fear that by taking any kind of leading role, you'll be forcing him to play along to something he isn't really all that into.

As much as you could pretend like you don't care about what happened earlier, it's chewing you apart, inside out, making it harder for you to get there.

Your body keens for him, though. The sounds of his fingers working your pussy are lewd, and only amplified when he spits on it in that way he always does. It drives you insane, but even now, you're floundering.

"Hey," you whisper, and your hand finally comes to rest against his hair. He leans into your touch, heart stiff in his chest as it appears to stop beating altogether. How a touch so simple can have him so damn wrecked is beyond him. He hums a response, and is met with a gentle tap against his bleached ends. He looks towards you to find you looking back, and the stillness of his heart is replaced with a beat so loud he swears it sounds like a thunderstorm is hurtling across the ocean. "Stand."

Your voice is soft, and Jungkook is confused, but he doesn't question it. He does as he's told, because quite frankly, he'll do anything you want at this point. He'd get on his knees, on his back - fuck it, he'd even get face down, ass up, if that's what you wanted - but you don't. Not now, at least. Maybe another time.

Right now, you want him as vulnerable as you feel.

When he stands, he keeps his fingers inside of you. He's gentle, massaging, making sure the movements aren't too rough. You've never shied away from things getting a little heated, but there's a time and a place for that. You don't want it hard. You want soft. Soft, soft, soft, like his eyes.

"Clothes," you say, almost timidly, unable to string your words together in a way that makes coherent sense. He knows what you mean, though, and slowly pulls his fingers from you, not caring to wipe them off. You're pristine, in his eyes. He couldn't care less about how dirty you could make him. He'd wear it like a badge of fucking honour.

He takes his shirt off first, eyes never leaving yours. He can see the way your heart is beating beneath your chest, and decides pretty quickly that he needs your tits in his mouth at some point before the night is done. His favourite fuckin' feature of his favourite fuckin' person - when he's horny, at least. He could list a million things he likes just as much, but his brain kind of just short circuits when he can see your chest looking all heavy and pliable and like it belongs in his mouth.

There's a clang, the metal of his belt tapping against itself, his tattooed fingers working quickly to rid himself of all his constraints. He pulls it from the loops of his trousers, tossing it on the bed just in case he'll need it later.

Your lips rest ajar, but you close your legs a little, watching him unbutton his jeans. He lets them drop, revealing the white of his Calvins.

He usually wears dark boxer briefs, which are always welcomed by you - but there's something about the white that has you salivating.

The outline of his cock is thick. He's stiff, and there's a tiny tell-tale mark of precum leaking from his tip. The contrast of his honey skin against the crisp white is the kind of visual you'd expect to see on a Hollywood billboard; not in your hotel room with you.

He'd worn them deliberately, expecting this kind of reaction, but had anticipated a far different feeling in the room.

The look on his face doesn't match the confidence that his strong body oozes. His wide eyes are just as vulnerable as yours. You both look like you're gonna fucking cry, which is actually kinda funny, when you think about it - but you don't laugh.

Perhaps that would be the most vulnerable thing you could share with him, and he with you: tears. There's a heaviness between the pair of you, the weight of unspoken words, hidden truths and deceptive intentions, which have led to the cluster fuck that is the relations of which you engage in.

It's just fucking, but it's also not. Not really. If it was just fucking, he'd be railing you right now, just like he did on that very first night you spent together.

But instead, he's cautious as he asks, "Where do you want me?"

You have to bite your tongue and stop it from saying 'inside me.' You're trying to keep your heart safe. Distance is needed. You're scared he's gonna steal it if he gets too close.

Pulling your legs up, cross-legged in front of him, you give him a look that he doesn't understand, but one that he knows means no harm.

He thinks you're asking permission to move, so he nods, and is proven right. You crawl a little further towards him, on your knees, until you're at the end of the bed. You sit up on your knees, shorter than him still, but the height is more matched than it is when you're standing on solid ground.

You give him that look again, and so - of course - he just nods. He's yours. You can do whatever you fucking like to him. He'd take anything you'd give him, pleasure or pain. He's stoic in the way that he stands, but you can see his jugular vein beating like he's just gone three rounds in the boxing ring.

Hooking your thumbs into the waistband of his underwear, right where the V of his hips meets the fabric, your eyes are on his.

It's torture, knowing you could be watching his thick, swollen cock spring free, but this isn't about the sex. Not really.

He bends a little, pushing his underwear to his ankles, kicking them off to the side and resuming his position in front of you. You still haven't looked at his cock, even though the thought of it has slick wetness seeping onto your inner thigh.

Your hand finds one of his, and pulls it to his cock. It throbs as you wrap Jungkook's hand around it, nodding at him, before retreating.

He's stood at the end of the bed, naked, hand tight around his fat, leaky cock, eyes on yours as you sit by the pillows. Your legs are crossed, knees up, covering your chest, light from the moon washing over you both.

He looks heaven-sent in this light. A white halo whisps around his fluffy blonde hair, the thick lines of his tattoos defined, his body carved from marble. And yet there's still a softness to him. It's in his eyes. Big and round; home in human form.

And so, for all the fear, for all the ways he has you scared about his intentions, for all the sheer instances of turmoil you put your heart through, none of it really matters.

In this moment, you feel safe.

"Wanna watch," you say quietly. You can see the way he swallows, his chest doing a terrible job of hiding the fact he actually seems to be a little bit nervous.

"Watch?"

You nod. "Wanna watch the way you get yourself off."

The request is simple, but it feels more complex than that - and it is. You want him vulnerable. You want him weak. You want him falling apart all over you without even so much as a single touch from you.

In his heart of hearts, he knows all this.

He knows, and still, he wants to do it for you.

There are sins to repent, and this feels like a start.

"Wanna see the way you touch yourself when you think about me," you continue, because you like the way his eyes look so pure and chaste at such a request.

There's a shadow to his face, the moon only illuminating half of his body, but it runs deeper than that. Divine feminity is a gift from the celestial body that watches over you, and it overcomes him, too.

Despite the hardness of his muscles, the metal of his piercings and the stiffness of his cock, he's so, undeniably soft for you.

Soft and velvety, just like his eyes. Soft and timid, like the boy who cried wolf and finally got caught. Soft, and softer still, when he says your name in such a hushed tone it barely reaches your ears.

"You do that, right?" You ask, though the answer is granted by how utterly enthralled he is with you - or at least, your body. "You think of me when you touch yourself?"

He nods, licking a slow stripe across his lower lip, before biting down on it.

His tight fist begins to roll up his cock, slowly bringing it back down again to the base of his shaft. There's a hypnotic quality to the way his foreskin retracts, exposing how red and flushed the tip of his cock is. There's desire burning through it, and he needs you - your pussy, your mouth - to soothe it.

He knows he isn't getting it, so instead, he revels in the pain that comes with being refused your body.

He's tepid as he starts, but his pace quickly builds, and so does the way he's moaning. It's a miracle you can even remember how to breathe. His torso is tense as he lets the pleasure run over his body, head tipping back, the expanse of his throat thick and wide, just like his cock.

He hums, imagining the way your pussy is leaking as you watch the show he's putting on for you.

He's not a performer, not by any stretch of the imagination, but the way he moves his body has you thinking that maybe in a past life, he could have been. You'd pay good money to watch him on stage. You'd devote yourself to him. Watch from the crowd as he sold himself to a thousand people every night. He'd be the main event, the headlining act, and maybe if you were lucky, he'd stick around for an encore.

What a shame, you think, that he never took advantage of his boyish charm and deliriously handsome face - but more fool him. You're the one who gets to reap the benefits, as you watch him now, free of charge, front row seat.

And yet, somehow, he seems to adore the crowd more than the crowd adores him. It fills your ego. Has you convinced that you've ruined this poor boy's life. Maybe you have.

"You're gonna think of me for the rest of your life," you tell him of your conclusion from your perch up by the pillows.

He so often talks in definitive certainties, that it's only fair you return the favour - but, remember, you're just friends, according to Jungkook. Best not to get ahead of yourself.

You find yourself prowling down the bed on all fours, stopping just beyond his reach. There's something primal about his gaze now. Predatory - but you aren't his prey. You're not going to get caught.

"Give it twenty years," you simper, rolling onto your back so your ankles are by the pillows, eyes on his cock as you tilt your head back. Kneading one of your boobs, you let your other hand dip between your legs. "When you're married, and your poor wife can't get you hard anymore, it's gonna be me who you think about."

"Shit," he hisses, both hating and loving what you're saying. Hating it because you're probably right, but loving it because, again, you're definitely right.

"It's gonna be me," you repeat. "When you get hard in your car, 'cause another girl has put her hand on your thigh. It's gonna be me you're thinking about."

He wants to protest. Wants to tell you that there'll never be another girl. He'd be lying, probably, but fuck knows why he'd ever give you up. Would have to be insane, you think, or something like that.

You know just as much as he does, that symbiotic energy like yours doesn't occur all too often.

"When your couples therapist asks what you think could be done to spice up your dead marital bedroom, it's gonna be me - gonna be this, right now - that you think of."

"C," he husks, unable to even get the full term of endearment out. There's a clammy sheen to his body now, his arm jerking at such a pace his veins are all engorged and pretty, just how you like them.

"It's gonna be me," you say again, barely a whisper, but it's enough.

And he agrees. "It's gonna be you."

Victory and defeat all in one blow; you're his forever, but it's likely he won't be yours.

He senses the heaviness behind his words, and the weight they've put of your chest, so he tries distraction as a method of easing it.

"Open your legs," he husks, the final syllable catching in his throat. When you do as you're told, he fucking whines.

The slickness pooling around the top of your thighs is sticky and hot, strings of clear fluid connecting your legs - all of you - together as you spread yourself for him. He nods, and it's your turn to obey, now.

Your fingers begin to rub at your clit, and Jungkook almost just give himself upright in that second. He swallows back the saliva that's pooling in his mouth, his cock growing hotter and heavier in his grasp. The way he's pumping himself is gonna have him finishing far quicker than he'd like, but he can't stop.

Not when you're looking up at him like that. Not when you're matching his moans.

"Don't stop," you almost beg as you see him begin to ease up. Returning his eyes to yours, his lips are parted. His hand continues to jerk, just a little slower.

"I gotta," he whines, but does as he's told, his grip a little looser than it had been. The muscles in his abdomen are tight. His balls, too. You want them in your mouth.

He watches as you turn, resuming the position you'd been in earlier.

As you wrap your arms around his neck for support, Jungkook finds himself grunting, picking his pace back up. He can smell you, your gasoline hair and sweet pussy, and it has him unable to think straight. Unable to do anything other than jerk himself off for you, because it's what you want.

The world. He'd give you that. If you wanted it, he'd give you it. He thinks he'd give you anything. Everything. Whatever he could.

The only thing he can't give you, not really, is himself.

And so he'll settle for everything and anything else your heart could ever desire.

But as your lips meet his, he knows that he's fucked, and that the only thing you really want is him.

Your kisses are slow, and tepid; a stark difference from the way his hand is working his cock, but it's everything he needs. How selfish, it is, that he still gets what he wants.

Unaware, you pull away, pressing your foreheads together, lips brushing his as you say, "you're gonna cum for me, now."

He tries to ask where, but you just kiss him instead. You kiss, and you kiss, and you kiss, and he's so fucking consumed that he barely notices when he starts gasping against your lips. His body begins to stall, muscles mirroring the way he begins to stutter, and then it's happening.

The tip of his cock is pressed against your stomach as he begins to unload himself, once, twice, and then he's sensitive, and trying to pull back, but he's still coming and - "Oh, fuck, babe" - he's painting you white with the innocence of the way he feels about you.

It's everywhere by the time he's done; your tummy, the underside of your breasts, dripping down to the mound of your pussy. He can barely fucking breathe, so caught up in the way it always feels to have you kiss him through his orgasm.

His hands grip your jaw, pulling you in for more, because he needs to distract his mouth from the words he's scared are gonna tumble from it. You both ignore the fact they're covered in the seed that's just spilt over onto them. It's nothing new, after all.

It's not like he's gonna declare love, or anything fucking ridiculous like that, he just doesn't know how the fuck he feels - and that's dangerous.

Unpredictability only leads to messiness, which it could be argued is what's happening right now.

Still, Jungkook hooks his hands beneath your ass and moves onto the bed with you, and thinks it's a pretty nice problem to have.

His cock is firm still, nestled in the warmness of your pussy as your legs wrap around his hips. Neither of you care about his cum, and it's interesting how often you seem to be covered in one another, with no desire to rid yourselves of it.

He didn't make you cum, but it was your choice, this time.

It's funny, because you're one who is scared now that an orgasm could have you falling in love. You don't want to give him that power back. Not yet, at least.

Your kisses dissolve into light pecks, the pair of you unable to hold back from worshipping one another. But you must, for it's foolish to idolise mortal Gods.

"This doesn't seem very friendly, Kook," you whisper.

Your chest feels uneasy as you joke. He closes his eyes, hanging his head in shame against yours, knowing that it was him and his inability to ever say the right fuckin' thing that had you refusing to fuck him that evening.

He's not stupid. He knows you stopped him from making you cum. He knows why. And he hates himself for it.

He presses a kiss against your cheek, once, twice, and works his way to your lips. It's goofy, the way he's planting little seeds of love all over your skin, but only time will tell if he'll water them. For now, you think you'd quite like to imagine the wildflower garden that could bloom in their wake.

"It's cause it's not, CC," he admits. "It's not very friendly at all."

And then, you just can't seem to help yourself as you tease, "Even if I'm just a friend from Daegu?"

He smiles, because he knows you're trying to soothe the burn of his words. Naked, spent, and vulnerable, Jungkook rolls off of you, repositioning himself so that you can rest your head on his chest. Still, neither of you care to get cleaned up. There's no disgust, nor discomfort.

More fool the both of you for thinking that this isn't love.

"You're my only friend from Daegu," he whispers, pressing a kiss against your hair. It's not strictly true, but he sort of wishes that it was. Wishes he knew you before he knew them.

"What about your other friends?" You ask gently, because maybe it's your fault you don't know more about him. Maybe you just haven't been asking the right questions.

Jungkook pulls the comforter over your body, 'cause he can feel how hard your nipples are against his torso, and guesses that you aren't exactly still horny now that you're asking him shit like this. Again, there's zero care for clean up just yet. Zero care for anything but one another.

And then you tack on an extra little question that has Jungkook mentally groaning.

"Who's Taehyung?"

Convinced that you're snug like a little comforter-human-burrito, Jungkook holds you tightly. He's still stark bollock naked and doesn't really care to be covered, but he wants you warm. Wants you happy.

And knows that your happiness, now, rests on open communication.

"I knew Taehyung in high school," he eventually admits. "We were both on the boxing team, and we were friends, but -" he stops, and laughs a little. "Well, I kept beating him. So on the days I'd stay behind and work on my form, shit like that, Tae would..." Jungkook sighs. And then he laughs again. "This is so embarrassing." He gently shakes his head, and then thinks fuck it. You deserve the truth, so the truth is what you're gonna get. "I started going to club more often, thought about going pro. I was pretty serious about it. Got to the point where Tae couldn't compete with me - but one thing he could do, apparently, was fuck. And I didn't know, but apparently, he could turn that into a competition, 'cause on the days I trained alone, he'd go hook up with my girlfriend."

It doesn't upset Jungkook anymore. Not really. Annoys him a little - and means there was no way he was letting Taehyung think you meant anything more to him than just casual sex.

"Shit," is all you can say.

"Yeah," Jungkook sighs. "Went on for like, 6 months. I didn't know till my dick started fucking burning. Turned out he'd given her chlamydia from someone else and in turn, me."

"Bastard."

"Right? At least wrap it up if you're gonna fuck about. Anyways, after that, it was rare for him not to pursue any girl I was interested in," Jungkook finally admits, and it feels good to get it out. Good to share. Fucking fantastic, actually. "Me saying what I said... It was a defence mechanism more than anything, and I'm sorry. I just didn't wanna give him any reason to try it on with you."

You nod slowly, because there's a lot to unpack. "What happened? With the girl?"

"We broke up," he says honestly. "That was the nail in the coffin, really. He's done it with a few other girls I've dated or fucked since then, to the point where it's definitely a pattern of behaviour, but I tend to avoid serious relationships. If I'm being honest, I haven't had one since."

"Since high school?"

God, it's mortifying, he thinks. "Since high school."

Heartbreak is a funny thing, though. You're similar in that regard. Neither of you ever want to give another person the power to break the one thing keeping you alive. It's just asking for trouble.

Then again, every single fucking thing about your 'friendship' is asking for trouble. Maybe it's fitting.

"I'm sorry," you say, because you're not sure what else to say. He squeezes the comforter bundle you're in and shrugs.

"Don't be. Just please don't have sex with Kim fuckin' Taehyung."

You laugh, because such a thing feels absurd - but it would do. You trust Jungkook. You care about Jungkook. Care for him. Care for his opinions, his well-being.

Would be a shame if that ever were to change.

But that doesn't feel like a possibility right now, so you simply don't think about it. Instead, you ask the question that you've been holding back, because you wanted to at least look a little compassionate before you got ahead of yourself.

"So what you said to him about me," you begin, and he rolls his eyes, 'cause he knows exactly where you're going with this.

"So what I said about you."

"You lied."

"I lied, CC."

The way he whispers it back to you has you all giddy and docile for him. He's dangerous, in the most delectable way.

"You like me," you accuse, and you're met with a shallow kiss, his lips curving upwards because he can't help but smile at how fucking smitten you look.

"I'm terrified of you," he smiles. "The way you make me feel scares the living daylights out of me, CC. This isn't... I'm not good at this. I mean, hello? Been out of practice since high school."

"Mmmm," you interject, questioning his statement. "You've fucked plenty of girls since high school."

His eyes roll again, because he knows you're just trying to get him to be specific.

"What do you want me to say, huh, CC?" He nudges his nose against yours, his grin prevailing as he sinks them down into a kiss. "That I spend my whole entire fuckin' day thinking about you? You stay at my place all the time. My Netflix account reckons I'm halfway through season one of Gossip Girl." You smile. It's a guilty pleasure. You watch it at his place when he leaves early for work, or on the days you arrive before him. "There's a spare toothbrush by my sink, and it's yours."

The way he emphasises 'yours' has the chime in your stomach ringing like a church bell.

"I haven't been serious about anyone since high school, so yeah, I'm a bit out of practice. I don't wanna put labels on things or move too fast or say things I can't take back. I just know it would really fucking sting if you slept with Taehyung," he smiles, attempting to lighten the fact he's basically just put his heart on the line for you. "So please just... don't."

The issue is, Jungkook's forgetting himself.

He's forgetting that you're not just you. He's not just him. The way you met wasn't organic like you think it was, and he's letting himself get wrapped up in the idea that the pair of you are just normal people who found one another despite all odds.

The thought creeps into his mind, but frankly, he wants it to fuck off. So he kisses you. Slow and deep. Just him, and you.

If he'd have met you under different circumstances, he'd have probably already asked your father's permission to-

And then it hits him. The reminder that he can never have a happy ending with you, all thanks to your fucking father.

Jungkook asked you to come to Busan for a reason. There are things you need to see, things you need to understand before it all goes to shit.

"I want you to come somewhere with me tomorrow," he husks against your lips, your noses stroking gently against one another. "Somewhere important. I've got some errands to run, and I'll see my family alone, but after that, I wanna show you something."

You nod to confirm that it's okay. Of course, you don't mind him seeing his family alone, and you could do with running a few errands yourself, so it works out well. He's opening up. Sharing. And that's all you can ask for.

It has you thinking that maybe you should do the same for him.

"Thank you," he whispers.

It's a loaded phrase, and you're not sure which part he's thanking you for, but you accept it nonetheless.

This is progress, you think.

Funny, 'cause Jungkook's the blonde one. If anyone should be a dumb bitch, it's him.

But the blonde is fake, and he's smarter than he should be after all those blows to the head in the boxing ring.

You're private school educated. Could have been anything you wanted. Could have had the world. Your daddy worked hard to make sure of it.

But as Jungkook leads you to the bathroom, stripped of everything except for the stain of his sex, you think you already have the world.

You think, for once, you finally have something good that isn't the result of nepotism or political fear.

Your daddy worked hard. He worked real hard. He gave you the world, and then some - but the world doesn't come for free, and there's a little collateral that he never counted on caring enough to fuck with his self-made solar system.

Yeah, your daddy gave you the world.

But it's Jungkook's job to give it back to its rightful owners, whether he wants to or not.

And so, as the shower begins to heat up, and the pair of you are doing what you do so well, his phone begins to buzz in the bedroom. It goes unnoticed. It's not Jungkook's priority anymore, which leaves him in quite a predicament.

The outside world can wait for a moment. He's letting himself indulge in the fantasy of you one final time.

What a brilliant, intangible fantasy you are.

But fantasy is just that;

a lie.

────────────

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven

[thedawningofthehour]

Okay I lied I do actually want to do something for the anniversary. (it won't be the anniversary by the time I post this but shhhhh)

It's not going to be turtle themed though. You guys remember last year when I made fun of rich people's houses? I'd like to do that again.

This...domicile comes to us from Camden, Maine, with seven bedrooms and six baths, tops out at 6,000 square feet and can be yours for a paltry two million.

They really wanted to show off that they had money for the fountain.

Also, is it just me or do rich people houses seem woefully cheap compared to regular people houses? Like, 2 mil is a lot, but if you do the math with the space and amenities they have-like, I highly doubt you could put three 2,000 sqft houses on this parcel of land and get one for 650k. Definitely not in Camden. I remember the first time we moved we looked at one house that was nearly 2 mil-for fun, even when we had money we didn't have that much money-and it was probably about half the size of this. And it was in suburban TC, not a ritzy summer colony. And had been built twenty years before, not the previous as this one was.

Plus this was 2008. The...particular economics of that year in regards to housing prices aside, two mil in 2008 is, uh...quite a bit more now.

So if you expand this picture, you'll see that there's Asian-esque map-looking things set into the wall, and Asian writing over the door. I think they're Chinese characters, but I'm not 100% certain. This entire house has a supposedly Asian theme. I have...things to say, but I'll hold off for now until I have more examples to show what I'm talking about.

Also I just can't with the stone choices. Kudos to them for actually trying to landscape though.

...

I mean, I will give them points for doing the complete inverse of a Lawyer Foyer. Those columns though. Like. When have those ever looked good outside a hotel lobby? When have they ever looked good inside a hotel lobby? How much dust does those bottoms collect? Why do they seemingly have hotel curtains as well?

Usually, columns like this are made of foam with a stone veneer, I think these are at least partially real. A lot of stuff in this house misses the 'cheap shit designed to look expensive' marker that defines McMansions, it looks genuinely decadent-it's just ugly as shit.

THEY HAVE TWO CHANDELIERS. ONE WASN'T ENOUGH FOR THEM, THEY HAD TO HAVE TWO MASSIVE CHANDELIERS TO PROVE THEIR DINGDONGS. AND THAT'S IN ADDITION TO THE FOYER CHANDELIER.

I like how they put the bar in directly next to the front door. Like they know you're going to walk in and will immediately need a drink.

Why is there this ugly gold runner everywhere? I feel like I'm in Trump Tower. Or a gourmet candy bar.

Yes I see the cabinet, no we're not going to talk about it right now. While I love seeing houses that actually have color in them, I'm just...the teal and pink is fine, but it's hard to pull off different variants of a color together. Teal and true blue, it's just...it doesn't work. And these guys have TVs on like every wall for some reason?

Mostly just including this picture to point out the safe on the floor. In the dining room. And to call attention to the weird goldish-bronze border that doesn't seem to start and end where it's supposed to.

Also, yes, these walls are entirely done in tile. It's like they wanted to do something other than the beige but couldn't decide what to go with so they just worked the kitchen tile through the rest of the house.

Speaking of the kitchen...

What

I. I don't. I. I. Why the sink-

????????!!!!

There's...I just don't. Like. You can't even pick a place to start.

The fact that they picked pretty much the busiest tile pattern known to man wouldn't have been such a big deal...if they hadn't tiled the inside and outside of the cabinets. And removed the doors to said cabinets. And hadn't picked a second, equally busy tile pattern to play against the first.

Actually, let's go back to the two tile patterns. Not only are they both way too busy to work with each other, they're both browns...but completely the opposite variants of brown. The lower pattern has more blacks and greys and even a bit of blue in it, while the border browns are warmer shades. You really can't mix warm and cool shades of the same color. It just doesn't look good.

And we have to talk about that counter. It looks somehow like the cheapest 90s shit you'd see in a roller rink or an ocean-themed Chuck E. Cheese, but also you know it cost ungodly amounts of money.

Why is it so thin? Why is the sink so deep in the island? Why is the recessed lighting lopsided?

And we're not even touching upon the floor. These people clearly did not understand feature elements. The floor, counter, and both sets of tile are all dueling for dominance, and we're the neglected child caught up in the custody battle sitting on the lawn with our bags. This kitchen was designed by someone who didn't care if god forgave them.

Oh okay, so we're just using those tiles throughout the entire house now. Fantastic.

That...counter is not beating the 90s cheese allegations.

Is it just me, or does the second chandelier look like it would clip your head on the way down?

No yeah, it is straight-up Right Fucking There. Completely unnecessary too, considering the plethora of recessed lighting. And they've somehow managed to make this hallway look busy despite having absolutely nothing on the walls.

I'm putting in three photos to show that these are in fact different rooms. I'm not including the other bedroom photos because I literally don't know if they're other bedrooms or just different angles of these bedrooms, because every bedroom is decorated exactly the same.

But this is what I meant when I called this house 'Asian-esque' earlier. Now, granted, I don't know a ton about modern architecture and design trends in Asia or among Asian-Americans, so I very much might be putting my foot in my mouth here and I fully deserve the ridicule if that is the case. But to me this doesn't feel like...legitimate. This feels like someone who wants to look cultured, who considers the Far East to be exotic and elegant and would unironically use the term Oriental to describe their style. It feels like they designed this without actually understanding anything about Asian art and architecture and had no desire to learn. It doesn't feel like one thing in particular, it feels like they took elements from Japanese, Chinese, and even Indian styles and gestured vaguely to all of them because they were too scared to commit.

You know, I'll give them credit, the blue does look nicer with the brown. It doesn't look good, but nicer.

Still the same lack of cabinet doors. And the same glow-in-the-dark bathroom counter. It took me a solid few seconds to find the sink there-and then I burst out laughing when I saw it.

I don't know why, but the stone plus that golden window insert makes me think Rocky Rococo.

WHY DOES THEIR GARAGE HAVE THE GRANITE FLOORING?!!

God, this is like my grandmother and her carpeted garage. But she has an excuse in that she doesn't give a fuck what you think.

I don't know why but this is fucking hysterical to me.

Also it doesn't look like there's a...door? To the garage? In Maine? Like, even if it's a heated garage, it's still going to be cold. And it's also dirty, like, you don't want bugs and car fumes wafting into your living spaces?

I haven't even mentioned the ceiling decoration or the crown molding. Or the fact that the crowd molding, doorways, and candy bar wrapper walls are all different shades of gold. And I'd like to keep it that way.

On a side note, what is up with all the recessed lighting? Not that they have it, but doesn't it seem like...a lot? Like, I feel like they could thin them out a bit, you're practically under hospital lights. People with recessed lighting, is this normal? I've only had it in one room of one house, but I don't remember it being this...dense. (I do remember my sister and I once knocked the glass out of the baffle while playing. that's how I learned that those things get really hot)

This is like a church basement if it was also The Backrooms.

[ndconceptarchive]

Unlocked! The Nancy Drew Podcast

Bob Heath | Episode 002

 Nov 18, 2016

We've been making transcripts of the various videos on the Her Interactive YouTube channel, and one that will be a continued series is for the official Nancy Drew Podcast up on their channel. They regularly interviewed people involved with the making of these games.

Click on the link above for the podcast itself.

Some notes on the episode:

Bob Heath was the voice actor for Ralph Gardino, Dwayne Powers (STFD), and Joseph Hughes (FIN)

There are spoilers for those games respectively and also Ransom of the Seven Ships

Both Scott Carty (previous episode) and Bob Heath have noted that the voice actors weren't really shown images/drawings/renders/anything in the development of the characters that they voiced.

As voice actors, they also wouldn't get to read the full script.

(Without diving into spoilers for STFD and FIN) it also seems like voice actors wouldn't be given a ton of detail about the characters themselves? Just enough information to build the character from).

Bob also offers some advice to aspiring voice actors.

Tammy Tuckey: Hello, fellow detectives, welcome to Unlocked, the official podcast for all things Nancy Drew. Heads up, there will be spoilers in this episode. I'm your host Tammy Tuckey, and this week we welcome voice over artist Bob Heath to the show. Welcome, Bob. 

Bob Heath: Thanks for having me. Hi, everybody. It is a pleasure. So exciting. 

TT: As I stated in the beginning of every episode, there are spoilers, and with Bob we have plenty of them because of the characters he has played. So if you have not played Stay Tuned for Danger or The Final Scene, I would just pause the interview right now and go ahead and play those games if you can, and come on right back because we're going to talk a little bit more about the character description and detail from here. 

But Bob, it's really exciting. You got to play two different villains in two different games. Did you know this coming in when you were when you first came in? Did they just say, oh, we just want to make you the villain all the time? 

BH: Actually, I wish they had said that. They didn't say that. I think when I booked the first one, it was many years ago. [They told me] these are the characters you're gonna play, and I think it was two primary characters and a few characters off on the side if my memory serves correctly, and it was just a lot of fun. Great group of people to work with. And, that's what I liked about it. Then they had me back for the second game. Again, I didn't know going in that I was going to be the villain in that game either. But, it was always a lot of fun to do. 

TT: Now let's talk about your beginnings in the entertainment industry. What was one of your first acting jobs or voice over jobs? 

BH: Well, that's a great question because I came to this as a second career. I was in the Army for 22 years prior to that. I had done a little bit of broadcast work while I was in the Army as a broadcast officer. And you know, [I did] more TV and radio as opposed to voice-over work. But when I retired and moved to Seattle, I had done some theater, and somebody (I forget who it was) but someone had mentioned to me that I had a “great voice for radio.” 

At that time I was doing a lot of industrial work, more in front of the camera work. And I said, well, I'd be interested in giving it a shot. So I took some voice over classes with a woman by the name of Veronica Weikel who I really enjoyed working with, just to see if I had the chops to do it. 

They helped develop my voice over demo reel, they produced it, and did a phenomenal job. In fact, I still use it today. I started booking voice over gigs, for Microsoft, Visa, Hewlett, Packard. Then I got offered the chance to audition for this gig. And I guess the rest of the time I was in Seattle, I did, as you know, two of these games plus several others for different companies. 

TT: And the first game you worked on with Nancy Drew is Stay Tuned for Danger. 

That was their first game in which the characters weren't drawn in an animation style. The first game was Secrets Can Kill, and this was Stay Tuned for Danger. It was the first game where they were digitally animated characters, which was very exciting. And it was, I think, a great feel to it because it's based on a fake soap opera, and the main star, as most of us know, is getting death threats.

TT: And two of the characters you got to play are Dwayne Powers and Ralph Gardino with Stay Tuned for Danger. So you're saying when you came into these roles for Nancy Drew, they would never tell you who it was until the very, very end of the recording sessions? 

BH: Well, as I recall. Now, having said that I'm going back 15 or so years. As I recall when I first got booked, they said "you're going to play this character and this character and some of these additional characters," Alright. And I don't remember being told that, "Ohh, by the way, this is the villain of the piece or this is the good guy of the piece." [It's more like] here are these characters. Here's their background. Develop a voice, go for it.

TT: Did they show you images of the characters at all to help you with the development of the voice? 

BH: You know, Tammy, that's a great question. I don't remember if they did or not. I don't. I don't recall seeing pictures of the characters. They may have had some, I just don't remember.

TT: Who was your favorite to voice between the two?

BH: Oh, that's an excellent question. Probably Dwayne. Only because once I found out he was the villain, I was able to play with it a little bit more, you know, add a little. 

And I'm not doing the voice justice because it's been like I said, many years since I've heard it, but just adding a certain little sinister sense to it, if you will.

So those are always fun to play because [it's a 180 from] my real personality. Well, that's one of the things I like about this business.

When you're doing voice-over in particular you can bring out a lot in a lot of ways, it's a lot like acting in front of the camera. You can bring out different aspects of your personality or you can go with types of personalities that aren't necessarily yours. Embellish upon them and try to bring that character to life. 

TT: Did you get to meet any of the cast members during the recording sessions or afterward? 

BH: I don't think so. Not that I remember because I think I share with you that it was one of the first animation projects I did and it always has stayed with me as a very special time. 

TT: And before we talked, I kind of explained that Dwayne does make a reappearance in Ransom of the Seven Seas. You said that you relocated and you were not in Seattle anymore, which is where they mostly hire the actors to voice these characters.

They cast another individual [Jonah von Spreecken] who I think did a very good job too. So if Dwayne were to come back (there's always been hints and rumors about it) would you be interested in reprising your role?

BH: I'd be interested in working with these folks anytime. I really like it. I said I had a great experience working with them and they were always good to me. And I mean I've got a studio, I don't have an in-home studio because I'm not that technically proficient. If they wanted me to voice Dwayne or Ralph or whoever, I'd be more than happy to.

TT: We also have the final scene, which is another really different, exciting game. I was kind of watching it last night. There are a lot of players who post their own versions of playing the game. You voice Joseph Hughes and Sergeant Ramsey, and that's a character via phone, so you're never going to get a physical representation of him.

BH: So again, it all relies on the voice. It relies on the process of how you develop the character with your voice. And then we have Joseph. And I think Joseph is probably one of the saddest villains in the Nancy Drew series. Because we come to find out at the end, he has found out that his brother has died. So their whole plan of starting their own theater or their own business is gone. And he doesn't have anybody else in his life. And so he really stoops to the lowest of the lows and kidnaps Nancy's friend. 

TT: When did you find out about that specific part while doing the recordings?

BH: Well, as I recall when we did the second game, I think it was like a year to a year and a half after the first, they just called and said, would you like to come in and work with us? Said sure, in a New York minute. So I came into their studio and went from there.

He's slowly going crazy, but it's not evident in his tone, in his voice. And I thought that that was so subtle and enjoyable as a player because it really creeps you out. Well, I think what we were trying to do there was to show that the character was maintaining control outwardly, but inside falling apart, he's such a great character. I really, I really enjoyed Joseph. 

TT: And do you have any particular favorite character between both games now that you really enjoyed voicing? 

BH: Well, that's an excellent question because I enjoyed voicing all of them. I guess if I had to pick one.It would probably be the Joseph Hughes. I'm gonna say had the most going form in terms of from a character perspective.

He gave me more to work with and if an actor has a good foundation to work from, he can really do a lot more with that character. The strength of these games back when I first did them was the writing, you know. The writing to me was very sound. But also at the same token, they would give me the liberty that I felt I wanted to phrase something a little differently, and keeping it in the same context, I could do that.

The biggest problem that an actor has with a written script if the script has not been written to be spoken. It makes it very difficult. In these scripts, they were written to be spoken.

And what I mean by that is a lot of folks write scripts thinking they sound great. But they never read them out loud. So if they don't read them out loud, they don't know if they're, if there's, if they're, if they sound real or not. You need to get a good pacing and be able to use, phrases and terminology that the actors are more comfortable with with the spoken word. And that makes it more real. 

TT: There's been plenty that has happened since the final scene. And stay tuned for danger. Can you talk a little bit about, you know, what you've been up to since then, I'm sure since moving back to the Philadelphia area?

BH: I've still been active in film and stage and voice-over work, I worked in a couple of different TV series, a show called Political Animals which was on the USA network with Sigourney Weaver, where I played Admiral Taft, commander of the Pacific Fleet in a couple of episodes. Had an episode of Veep. Where I played the MC of the Vic Allen dinner. House of Cards. A couple of voiceover projects. More voiceover industrials than animation, although I am doing voices on a TV series that airs every Saturday on the Fox Business Channel called The Sensibles, which is a small cartoon that teaches young kids about money.

TT: Is any of your material online on a website that our listeners can go ahead and feature? 

BH: All three of my voice over demos are online. They can go to a site called dragonukconnects.com and that's DRAGONUKCONN.CTS dragging up connects.com. And they can put a I think a back slash and then my name. And it should go right to the website. Perfect. I'll put it in the show notes below as well, so our listeners can go ahead and just click and they can listen to some of your current voiceover tracks before we end our interview. 

[Editor's note: I haven't verified if the website is still up and running since this video was released, but the website generally seems to be for searching up various acting talent. The youtube description had this link www.dragonukconnects.com/262].

TT: Do you have any advice? I know there's a lot of individuals out there who would really like to take a shot at being in the voice over business. Do you have any advice?

Sure. 

BH: One thing everybody needs to keep in mind is voice-over work. It's great work if you can get it. It's not an easy field to break into. You gotta continue to plug, but the key is having a solid voice-over demo. And I have three. I have a voice-over demo for narration, for commercials, and for character voices. You've gotta be able to show your range. And.If you can't put one of those together, you're not going to get into voiceover work because that is the calling card for voiceovers. Having a good solid demo.

Once you get that demo made, submit it. Find some recording studios that are doing a lot of work. Submit your voice-over demo to them. Or if you have an agent, have your agent submitted but keep plugging away.

Keep practicing. Read a cold copy. You know, Read commercial copy. Read character voice copy. And you can download that offline. Keep working on your instrument and staying current. I mean, I've booked some jobs. Just meeting somebody at a party. You know, the guy said, oh, you do voiceover work. I said, yeah. I said, what are you doing? I told him. He said, you know, we're putting a project together. Would you be interested in it? I said, yeah, sure. 

TT: Well, thank you so much for coming on the show, Bob. You know, we love you in these games. And in the nicest way, like I said, I'm very flattered that you called. So I cannot thank you enough for coming on the show. And if we can close out our interview with one more question, if you could sum up your experience working for Her Interactive and being a part of these Nancy Drew games in one specific word, what would it be? 

BH: Phenomenal.

[thorns-and-rosewings]

The Freddy Fazbear and Jackie Show

Now I have brought up that I was excited about this change and I wanted to wait a bit and see what it was like before I gave my opinion on it. As I like to truly get a feel and collect my thoughts on something and be sure of my feelings in order to give an honest review. And now we've had all the basics, a react, a game, a few plot episodes and one where Pianosaurus even showed up. I think that's enough to get a good grasp on some things.

So... how do I like the show so far? (Slight Spoilers)

Honestly...

Given how little we actually know about the in-game version of Jackie at this point, I think that what we are seeing is a fairly decent guess as to how they might be portrayed. Personally, I enjoy their zany nature. Their snarky comments actually got me laughing quite hard in some instances and frankly I find that their avatar in the Squid Games and the reaction videos is actually a very good look, personally I find it very cute and it suits the character. But the one thing that I like particularly is how they AREN'T an exact replica of Funtime Freddy...

Which I will admit to being pretty afraid was going to be the route they were going to take...

Funtime Freddy was established to be... Well... Funtime Freddy. That character was endearing and has been around so long that it would be very difficult and even a bit borderline insulting to the shows longtime fans if they just tried to put in a character with an absolutely identical personality. Fortunately that's not what they did with Jackie.

From what we've seen so far, Jackie is snarky, oblivious and is showing themselves to be a bit clingy. Trying to push themselves into the position of Freddy's friend, presumably out of severe isolation and loneliness for being stuck in Fazbears storage for over 50+ years...

Also developing a seemingly irrational hatred of the fire extinguishers around the pizzeria. Which I found oddly funny 🤣😅

But there are some underlying red flags Jackie does show. As they are established to be a type of Mimic right off the bat and that brings a certain amount of underlying distrust with Freddy, rightfully so given what he has experienced first hand with Mimics before. Jackie is shown to be deeply afraid of being put back in storage again. They clearly have been mentally scarred by their isolation, and they are very vocal about their desire to be violent towards children and parents. Actions they explain that they are just barely resisting acting upon.

And in the biggest red flag instance of all, they are seemingly speaking to themselves about some ulterior motives that they may have now that they have been let out...

Now, with just 7 episodes out this is just a preliminary observation. But the biggest question of all is:

Is it enjoyable to watch? My answer...

I genuinely like it. :)

Do I like it on the same level as TSAMS or EAPS and LAES? No. But that's my bias and I can admit to that. Security Breach Sun and Moon actually got me into the FNAF fandom to begin with. So those shows I will always put higher than the rest. But how would I rank this one in regards to the other shows? I think it's a little early to make that call. For me personally, The Freddy and Funtime Freddy Show had been my 4th place favorite show of them all and after watching the new show for seven days, I am going to say that it's going to keep that placement.

At least for now...

So yeah, that is just my thoughts on this show so far. Take of it what you will. I enjoy watching it. Other people might have some different opinions and that's cool, different tastes make the world go round after all. Personally I'd recommend giving it a watch with an open mind, the world needs more things to laugh at nowadays in my opinion. I definitely think it's worth checking out.

I'm also very interested to see how more potential information about Secrets of the Mimic that we might be getting this week during the State of Play will affect things going forward. I'm hopeful that the new game will bring some renewed interest in all of these shows in general. So here's to hoping it goes well! ^^

[skylarkva]

Day After Thoughts on the Vengeance Saga

I was super hyped for the Vengeance Saga, as I am with every saga release, but after sitting with it and digesting a bit, I think Epic act 2 overall is having a pacing issue. (This is going to be super long)

Like here's the thing: the Thunder Saga? Perfection, absolutely nailed it. And then we get into the wisdom Saga, which — although I thoroughly enjoyed it— had something about it that felt off. Now with the vengeance saga I'm realizing that act 2 just doesn't feel long enough.

I loved God Games, but it felt like Athena won the gods over too easily. Hearing the snippets got me hyped, and then in context of the song, I realized those snippets being the whole verse for each god felt too quick. Most of the wisdom saga is paced alright, at least for me, but that last song has been hyped up since the planning stages, and it's a really important moment! A little more back and forth with the gods would have shown just how much getting Ody free meant to Athena.

Now I'm not just saying this because Wangui's vocals are heavenly— we desperately needed more Calypso. It makes me sad because I know Jorge had another song with Odysseus and Calypso that he cut, and I think it would have added so much had it stayed in to the final album. Ody has been trapped with her for seven years, and we see him hit his limit in Love in Paradise, but for the audience that limit is hit immediately. We aren't given enough time to really see Odysseus get desperate, Calypso not understand his needs and wants, and her trying and failing to win over a faithful married man. Because the thing is, now we get to Not Sorry for Loving You, and Calypso is absolutely broken over losing Odysseus. Why? Did she fall in love with him at first sight, or did they talk and she fell deeper in love with him the longer he was there, all while he tried to push her away? That "let me speak" moment stands out to me because of this too. Without the context of seeing those seven years, I'd assumed all Odysseus did was let Calypso speak, because what else can he do with a goddess? So is that the case and she's just being controlling here, or did she truly feel like Odysseus hadn't listened to her during their time together. Idk. It doesn't feel earned and it does a disservice to her character. Plus more Wangui wouldn't hurt. Oh the Calypso saga we could've had...

Then we get Dangerous which, I don't have many notes that song hurt me and then was funky. I love Hermes, moving on.

Charybdis felt underwhelming to me, I feel like it ended too soon. Which could very well be the point, I had just gotten hyped off of the snippets and felt the final battle wasn't as impactful as I'd been expecting it to be. The ending destroyed me though, Jorge did an amazing job there, knew exactly how to stomp on my heart.

Get in the Water was the other song besides Scylla that I had been waiting the entire musical to get to, and I think it was executed almost perfectly, I really have no notes there either.

Six Hundred Strike....oh Six Hundred Strike. It was epic, it was chilling....but the first half just does not fit into the rest of the show musically. I'm mostly talking about once the six hundred men chant starts up. I love Aeolus' theme being used as an instrument, like I actually adore it so much, but those dang drums... For me it shoots straight past "this is a boss fight so this is a video game reference" into "this is Poseidon's boss theme for the Epic fighting game". That part of the song is the first time I've really said to myself "I can't see this on stage". Especially considering where Get in the Water ends musically, this just feels really jarring to me. I actually don't have any problem with Odysseus stabbing Poseidon. This isn't a mortal vs a god anymore, this is a monster vs a god, and a monster that god created at that. I think to make it feel less overpowered though, it could've been fixed with Poseidon saying "alright, fine" instead of "alright, please" to get Ody to stop. Then it would've been less that he was begging and more that he was annoyed and just wanted to be rid of him and never deal with him again. Same with his line delivery of "after everything you've done, how will you sleep at night?". I almost would've liked to hear him laughing there, like in disbelief, or in a mocking tone, only for Odysseus to shut him up with "next to my wife". The wing bag jetpack is also too funny for me to take seriously so I'm gonna ignore that for my own personal head canon.

I love epic and I hope the Ithaca Saga sticks the landing. I'm just dumping my thoughts after last night lmao

[itsbenedict]

So this year went... not as good, vis-a-vis doing the things I wanted to do! Breaking down the goals...

Finish the first case of Justice/Arcana and revise the draft

Nnnnnope! I got through most of it, the players figured out the primary trick, but then I kind of hit a wall where I realized that I hadn't done enough to narrow down the culprit based on figuring out the trick. Doing so would require reworking the logistics such that the back room is the kitchen (an offscreen location the first draft never investigated) and characters have sandwich alibis. I've kind of got to go back to the drawing board here.

Finish the SakuraPetalFantasy walkthrough portion of Datasouls (not with the whole combat toy situation, just the rest of it)

Nope! I got chapter 4 done, but chapter 5 is only in an outline state right now. I did spend like a couple months doing Lost in Hearts instead, which built on the concept a little, but I didn't put in the work to finish things up.

Do 24 TFJ recaps, two per month

Nuh-uh. I got about halfway, but in addition to falling victim to my slump in the latter part of the year, TFJ itself kind of came to an unceremonious end due to some structural issues and player conflict. Current plan is to work with Farn to use the campaign as raw material to write a fantasy novel focusing on Saelhen.

Work through all the exercises in Genki 1 and 2, and catch up on WK reviews.

Nope- I mean, I caught up on reviews, but then fell out of the habit halfway through the year, and didn't finish the workbooks.

Date someone. I feel like I look decent and have a lot of desirable qualities that would make this not too hard to accomplish, but I have to put effort into looking or it’s never going to happen on its own. (I am unfortunately of the gender that doesn’t typically get asked out and has to take the initiative.) It’s gonna be tricky since I’m a weird person with weird life priorities and finding someone who’d actually be happy partnering up with that long-term is a tall order.

Haha, no. I wrote up a dating profile thing, and I did get one bite, but then she ghosted and it's been a couple months and it'd be awkward to try and go "hey, uh, are you still there?" at this point. I tried looking around myself, but I don't really know where to look- most dating sites are just hookup apps where you just swipe on faces nowadays, and that's useless to me. Everyone I've ever developed a crush on organically has been one of taken, ace, or lesbian, and at this point I have to assume there's a causal factor and I'm not just unlucky. I think I'm going to have to move somewhere more densely populated to have any shot at finding a good fit.

Actually get that standing desk walk-while-working workflow set up and establish an exercise routine that I keep to for more than half the year

Not quite. I did keep to an exercise routine for exactly seven months, but I didn't get the walk-while-working thing worked out- I haven't found any under-desk ellipticals that aren't extremely precarious and awkward to use while focusing on something else, so I'm thinking I should look for a mini treadmill next instead.

Release a functional version of that Fire Emblem content authoring tool

Nope! That was way more work than I expected- or at least, I expected I'd be able to keep working on it on and off throughout the year, which didn't happen. I did make pretty good progress, though- I'd say it's like, half done?

Replace grody old kitchen sink that has weird white stuff growing out from inside the handle

Okay I did do this one. But that was basically just a matter of ordering a thing on Home Depot and calling a plumber, so like, not exactly an achievement, just something I knew I'd keep forgetting to do indefinitely unless I put it on the list.

Finish the games I’m still playing through from this post

Almost! Still haven't finished The Sekimeiya, though I did make it far enough that I think I've got some kind of idea of how that egg thing works and how things fit together, even if there's a lot of gaps in the specifics.

Find some new source of income reliable enough to pay the bills without making me work more than 20 hours a week. (I’m a programmer, this is hypothetically doable.) Freelancing/contract work maybe?

Sorta? I did quit the horrible company that bought my division, but I stayed on as a contractor for miscellaneous stuff (and insisted on writing the noncompete clause out of the contract in negotiations, which they agreed to), and went back to work for the old company at the same time. At $100/hour, I worked an average of ten hours a week... kinda. The first five months or so, I worked almost not at all, living off my savings and doing odd jobs for less than my monthly expenses. The rest of the year, various disasters occurred and I was working my ass off putting out fires, so I was basically working full-time for much less than a full-time salary. I wouldn't say I nailed the employment situation, but I did keep my head above water.

How Come I Fucked Up?

Four reasons.

First, and smallest- halfway through the year was when the fires started at work and I started having way more stress and way less time. It was hard to focus on anything when something new was breaking and I was on the hook for it for months at a time.

Secondly: two of my grandparents died this year. Not only was this a pretty severe emotional blow, because they were amazing people and it's stupid and unfair that this happened- it also meant lots of traveling, to funerals and family events. It chewed through my budget and necessitated spending more hours on work, and left me exhausted and strung out for several weeks.

Thirdly and fourthly: the Elden Ring DLC came out, and also I got addicted to Pokérogue. I put... a stupid amount of hours into these games. Like two or three hours a day for multiple months. All my productive energy was consumed first by work, and then by vegging out and playing video games due to a lack of willpower.

This was a colossal failure. Like, from July onwards, I got practically nothing done. Half a year of my life, up in smoke! This is not sustainable. I need to do something major to course-correct here.

I think one thing that'll probably be worthwhile is... having failed to find a romantic partner, I need to move in with someone. I can resist the temptation to sit around like a lump doing repetitive videogames as long as there is some witness to my squalor. I'm very comfortable living alone, but I have to fight the temptation to vanish into comfort and never complete any of my many missions. I gotta have a friend around who can see when I'm wasting time, and cares at least a little about whether I'm getting things done.

So current plan is I'm moving to Providence with Farn pretty soon? And I'm going to try to land a flexible full-time position with just one of these companies I'm working with, so I can have health insurance and don't need to worry about being in the red during slow months.