#I'd also like to eat something that doesn't take all my energy to cook

[fattributes]

Hello everyone, it's almost the end of the month and I hate to ask, but I need some help. Would anyone be able to lend me a few dollars for groceries and cat food today? I'm going to run out of the latter very soon.

cashapp: $fattributes ko-fi: fattributes paypal: fattributes@gmail.com

[stars-n-spice]

Silly Squad Alignment Charts

Because I thought it would be fun and silly :)

Find out more about the Silly Squad here!

Of course, have to start with the classic:

Hunter will say they have food at home and it's literally like probably two slices of bread, a bottle of ketchup, and a head of lettuce

Viram KNOWS how to cook so you best be happy to eat her food instead of having Mcdonalds

Khea and Echo it depends on their mood whether they pull up and order a single black coffee before leaving (Echo would never do it if Omega is in the car)

Crosshair doesn't even like their coffee but he does it to be a little shit

Feel like Tech is also kinda in the middle because he'll be like "Technically we have food at home-" but he also needs his caffeine

Phee will ALWAYS pull up to the Mcdonalds, especially when Omega's with her. Then Omega always holds it over Hunter- "Well, PHEE takes ME to Mcdonalds!"

Tay is the definition of a bastard (no seriously)

Phee is bastard (affectionate) but would technically be more of "Badass" than anything

Khea, Crosshair, and Tech are the Bitch Trio and if you put them in a room together they WILL tear each other apart (emotionally most likely but Tech will goad Crosshair and Khea into physically fighting each other while he records)

Majority of the squad is Babey though

Echo is also "Bad Ass" but he could also be a Bitch if he wanted

Hunter is Bastard just because I think it's funny

Dumb Bitch Hunter my beloved <3

Echo is sad dick because he has no dick

I use dumb affectionately with Wrecker (not with Hunter and Tay)

Tech just has big dick energy to me idk

Khea's a sad hoe but she'll never admit to it (the being sad part)

If you've noticed, I really like making fun of Hunter that's why he's there in the dumbass squared category

Wrecker, Khea, and Phee are all smart as fuck but have more fun pretending that they aren't really

Tay is good at pretending that he is smart - he is not

Then of course, Tech, Cross, and Echo are all smartasses

This fit so perfectly I was dying

Hunter is laughing nervously because he's aroace lmao

Omega would be like "Thanks! :D" and just carry on

Jung would most likely do *thumbs up* instead of finger guns though

When you pair up the couples, it's funnier

If Tay said "I know" after Cross told him that he loved him, Crosshair would dump him on the spot

Khea tells Wrecker she loves him for the first time and he short circuits and probably would say something along the lines of "YEET!"

Viram and Echo both have issues and would not be able to comprehend why someone would love them - I'm sure Echo's got insecurities and Viram knows she's a workaholic and therefore difficult to be in a relationship so she apologies in advance

If Phee told Tech she loved him and he went "a horrible decision, really" she'd probably laugh

And of course, who doesn't love Phee? If you don't, get out of here.

Crosshair could care less, he ain't dealing with that shit

Tech would say this ominously as if he's seen the future and knows your death is imminent meanwhile Khea's is more of a - "you probably will because everyone close to me has already died" sort of way :/

I feel like Omega might also be "i'd die for you first" too

Hunter, Viram, and Echo don't want to deal with that shit either, they've already got so much loss, guilt, and other things on their plate

Tay's probably not listening when someone tells him they'd die for him while Phee's like, "Oh, neat. Anyways, as I was saying about my last adventure-"

Jung is ready and willing to put his life on the line and Wrecker would probably more like a "Nu uh" because he's got your back and would look out for you

Phee will also do it for some credits or a cool treasure

Tay is going to fight god (and he's going to lose)

Tech could do so much more than take down the government, but he needs incentives (him and Phee can take down the government together <3)

Khea is a bounty hunter, her job literally requires her to stab people sometimes in order for her to get money

Crosshair would stab without anyone needing to ask him

Echo's taking down the government no matter what, but especially if Rex asks him to come along

Jung is going to fight god if you ask them to (and he'll win)

Viram is the type of friend who is an excellent tutor and you end up understanding the concept after getting her help meanwhile Omega will explain what she knows and then the homework becomes a group project of figuring out what the fuck it's asking

You can copy Hunter's homework but there is no guarantee that the answers are right (most of them are wrong)

You can copy Jung's homework and there's a high chance the answers are right

Khea had better things to do than homework - like get frustrated over it and cry for a bit before giving up on it

Phee did some of the homework but she'll only help you out if you give her something in exchange

Wrecker and Tay, beloved himbos, they had no idea and even if they did do the homework, you wouldn't want to copy off of them

Crosshair also didn't do the homework but he also doesn't want to respond

Tech and Echo both did the homework and it's correct but they don't tolerate copying work to even have suggested it is offensive so now you're left on read

[amaleu-antmat]

The case files of Jeweler Richard vol 8 spoiler!

Part 2?

(Continuing from where I left in the previous post)

After Seigi and Catherine finished buying the groceries, Richard and Catherine enter a little discussion about the treasure hunt again, as the air grew heavy Seigi interjected to lighten the mood "Uhm, I thought I'd make seafood stew for dinner. I got some really delicious ingredients, Bouillabaisse is from this place right?" After Seigi said that the two other people look at him with almost scared? Lol faces, they moved in sync with other indescribable intense emotions, and that scare the hell out of Seigi, the poor guy think <what did I say this time? Did I make a mistake with the menu? Or are they allergic?> 😂

Richard "Bouillabaisse....wow."

Seigi "Wow, what?"

Catherine "Oh, Seigi...Bouillabaisse is a dish from Provence, but it's very difficult..."

Richard "The shrimp and fish have to be dressed just right, and the vegetables require preparation as well. It also needs to be simmer for an extremely long time. At any rate, it is an unavoidable difficult path"

Seigi "Don't worry, I can do it, it's not a problem"

Catherine "Just the thought of preparing a meal that takes so much effort makes me want to pass out. You should rethink this, even locals don't make it, it's too much hassles"

Richard "You didn't come here to hone your cooking skills. I strongly suggest you save your energy for other tasks"

Seigi "Ah..."

Mother and son duo are preoccupied because of past experiences, I guess 😆 and don't want Seigi to go through it. Seigi catches on the fact that they are both incapable of doing basic chores. He said to give him 2 hours and to not peek under any circumstances.

While Seigi cooks, he thinks that he should feed Richard so that he'll have the energy to solve the mystery of the treasure hunt like Sherlock Holmes. He finished cooking and came out, Richard had found other marbles in the meantime, he asked where Catherine was, and Richard told him that she went to check if the pizza place was open.

Seigi "I appreciate having a backup plan, but I really don't think we're going to need it"

Richard "So it seems...." 😆 (dunno why, but this part made me laugh)

Richard set the tableware, etc, and Catherine returned with news that it's closed for vacation.

Seigi set the pot containing dinner on the table and pulled off the lid, he looks at them and see.... indescribable tension, the mother-son duo peer at the pot, <was it admiration? For me? No. For the Bouillabaisse.> 🤣

(Here's a food pic, just so that you'll feel the hunger I felt when searching for it out of curiosity)

Richard "What on...."

Catherine "C'est Magnifique! I can't believe it."

They approach the table with caution, unsure as if it was a crashed ufo...<I didn't put anything bad in it....> 😁 (I find it funny how careful he is acting right now, it's really like encountering your mother in law and trying to be liked by her, only, Seigi doesn't seem to realise this, for all this novel he is diveded between pleasing her and trying to make Richard happy at the same time? But when he is nice to her, Richard is a bit sulky)

Seigi began portioning the serving and encourage them to eat.

Catherine tells Seigi to say bon appetit, and when he does the mother son duo answer in unison "Merci" Richard pout, Catherine smiles. Seigi thinks that something of the sort must have happen in the past in this estate. Seigi ask what they thought about the Bouillabaisse, Catherine teary-eyed respond that it tastes like happiness itself.

Richard "...Well, he always has been a good cook"

Catherine "Richard, you are being rude. Thank Seigi this instant"

Richard looks mortified for a moment and then looks at Seigi <This feels like a standoff between East and West, but that would make me his opponent, and I'd be knocked out before I even got a swing in. It would never occur to me to pick such a fight, I'd just wind up on my knees begging for mercy for all eternity> Seigiiiiiiiii 😆

Richard look at him a bit bashfully "Seigi, I've known for quite a while now that you are a talented cook, but it seems I must acknowledge your skills once again. Bravo. Perhaps you could open a restaurant if you felt so inclined. But I have to ask, when did you learn to cook this?"

Catherine "what an arrogant way to say that. Does that even count as a compliment?"

Richard "Stay out of this"

Seigi "Ahh uhm, thanks Richard. Where did I learn this? Good question"

Wanting to alleviate the tension he confess to them that it's his first time cooking this and he just followed the recipe, the mother-son duo doesn't believe him and tells him to stop joking with a wave of their hand in front of them and the same expression. They gives example about how cooking is hard like if you cook an egg in high heat it'll burn or about how it will explode in the microwave if run for too long, and that the odds of Seigi succeeding in that dish in the first try was too low. 😆

Catherine think for a moment that it's a japanese men skills but immediately turn down that theory as she had a friend who married a jap man who couldn't even fold underwear. Richard blatantly asks Seigi what tricks he uses.

Catherine "Can't you just say thank you, I love it?"

Richard " I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but you have no right to interject here"

Seigi the poor potato "Oh, it's fine, I'm uhm used to it! Yes! Let's eat!"

[foodandfolklore]

Tools and Ingredients to keep on hand; Kitchen Witchcraft Elevated Pt. 3

A few more items I'd like to recommend to my kitchen witches. This is going to start getting a little more specific to my own style of cooking and practicing. So if there's anything on this list that makes you go "That's dumb, why would I need that?" then it probably is not for you. Don't go out and get it! But if you think "Huh, that's a good idea" maybe try it out. You can also check out Part 1 and Part 2.

Terracotta Disk Okay let's be real; anyone who's opened brown sugar before knows the struggle of hard sugar. Brown sugar dries out and becomes rock hard. Now, there are lots of solutions that have been presented, but each of them have a new issue. Adding a piece of bread for example. Well now I gotta worry about crumbs, mold and gluten contamination (I'm very mindful of allergies, despite not having any myself). I've also heard of adding a marshmallow to your sugar. I've tried this, but I'm not sure if it's the environment I live in, but it just doesn't work well for me. Plus both feels kind of wasteful. Then I saw a Terracotta disk at the dollarama for about 2 bucks. You soak it in water then drop it in your jar. Boom. Soft brown sugar in a few hours.

Rice Vinegar I know I already suggested vinegar in general, but rice vinegar tends to be more mellow than white vinegar or balsamic vinegar. I like to make a lot of quick pickle stuff like pickled Daikon, Pickled Carrot, or pickled onion. It's also a common ingredient for many Asian sauces and dishes. So if looking up a recipe, it'll often call for Rice Vinegar in some form or fashion. It's also nice to add to plain white rice.

Tortillas Anytime I can find these for cheap in the store, I stock up and throw them in the freezer. Yeah, I can make my own for cheaper, but I've never been 100% happy with how they turn out. They can be too thick, or get a hole, or are not the right size; I dunno. Sometimes I'll make them when in the mood, but mostly I prefer to have them premade. Tortillas, whether made from wheat or corn, have strong solar energies. They also have good protection properties. When you wrap your food in a tortilla, imagine it to be like a protective blanket. It's great for tacos, burritos, fajitas, or just lunch/breakfast wraps in general. But you can also use them non conventionally. When a pizza craving hits, I'll throw some sauce and toppings on a tortilla and bake. Or I may cut the tortilla up into triangles and bake if I need something to go with a hot dip. Monosodium Glutamate Better known as MSG. There has been a lot of misinformation and hate regarding MSG. Starting when Chinese food became popular in North America, but people worried about the quality and cleanliness of food cooked by a foreigner. After all, other countries had different rules about what was considered acceptable when it came to food. So when people were experiencing headaches or stomach aches after eating Chinese take out, they were appalled to find out it was cooked with MSG. MSG was reported to be the cause of these health problems and demonized it. Except.....it was all dog whistling.

I want to be clear: There is NO causation link to MSG having a side effect of pain or stomach problems. What's more likely to have happened is people had an adverse reaction to deep fried food, combined with mass hysteria. MSG is like Salt, Sugar, or Citric Acid. It occurs naturally, and we humans found ways create the product in it's purest form. MSG can be found in all kinds of food like tomatoes, mushrooms, soy, cheese, fish, grapes, and a ton more. Now that doesn't mean you can just eat as much MSG as you want. Like Salt and Sugar, too much over a long period of time can have negative health impacts. But a pinch or two in a dish while cooking is great to help enhance the Umami or savory flavor. MSG also has way less sodium than regular salt. While I don't think it'll replace salt, it can be good to try adding first for flavor if you're trying to reduce your sodium intake.

Cane Sugar There's a lot of different kinds of sugar. Granulated sugar, brown sugar, yellow sugar, icing sugar; most people keep some kind of sugar on hand for baking or sweetening drinks. But I like to keep Cane Sugar on hand as it has a more complex flavor profile. Magically, I find while Cane Sugar sweetens demeanors just like any other sugar, Cane Sugar is able to have people be more...understanding. Instead of finding a new reason to like you or tolerate you, Cane Sugar makes it more likely people sees things your perspective. It makes people more attune to their empathy when engaging with you. If that makes any sense. Oh, and it's my go to for fermented drinks. I actually ran out experimenting with things like ginger beer. Whoops. Scrub Mommy Listen, I hate cleaning. Especially dishes. I chuck as much as I can into the dishwasher, but some things need to be done by hand. So I'm always looking for way to clean them as quickly and easily as possible. But I also don't want to use harsh chemicals or keep buying steel wool that I'll throw away. I saw the Scrub Mommy be used in a lot of videos, so I gave it a try, and holy crap. I bought one for 6 dollars a year ago. I still have it. It doesn't shrink, it doesn't mold; I can toss it in the dishwasher if it needs a clean. And it gets the food off SO easily. I still need to give stuff a soak every once in a while. But most stuff comes right off. Even jars when I'm getting labels off and I got that sticky residue, scrub mommy it with some dish soap. It's gone in like 30 seconds. I still hate doing dishes. But at lest now I can do them without putting every fiber of my being into them.

[moonspirit]

Hiii Moon🌿💚

I hope your *timezone* goes well, and wish you to spend it nicely and peacefully, as much as possible~

For the fandom asks:

1, 2, 5, 6, 13, 20, 24

(for the future) Thank you for your answers, and take care (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з⁠(🌔)

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Anna!!! T^T I'm doing alright, but how are YOU??? I'm so excited for your new art and for more of your writing - I literally cannot wait, but also I wish you plenty of energy for the time being!

Thank you for the asks T^T

Oh well, I already answered 1 and 5 over here xD But as for the rest, here goes!

2. a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

That both Aruani are only *moderate* cooks xD Initially I always thought Armin would cook really well and Annie would be the type to throw some seasoning on plain ramen and call it a day- but. BUT. They're both actually pretty average xD And they both have terrible eating habits. He forgets to eat. She has snacks in her pockets. There you go, now I love it xD

6. something you see in art a lot and love

The horny answer is hair

Sensuality! In all the Aruani art I see, there's so much emotional expression in the way Armin and Annie are drawn and it's so so so beautiful. After all, there's a ton of feelings and emotions to pull from, so it makes for a real astounding experience, honestly. The eyes, the lighting, the mood conveyed!!! T^T Doesn't even matter if it's a chibi doodle or a 5 minute sketch or a 14-hour canvas piece or just silly, it's always so chalk full of emotions!!!

God you artists are so great T^T And YOU Anna! YOU!

Also hair.

13. your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

Oh T^T Well aside from being there to witness fandom events I haven't actually had the chance to take part in any. Though I think exchanges are really so so so much fun! You ask, and someone makes something for you - secretly or otherwise! It's very personal, and has your favourite characters making out like they're gonna die - what can possibly be better???

20. your very first fandom!

Tantei Gakuen Q and SA! Back in 2006-08 was when I really began to get more involved in fandom in terms of creating - I still remember writing for the Kei x Hikari ship xD I was on vacation from school and the internet was "free" during the early hours of dawn (so like.. 3am to 6am), so I'd watch SA and write fic and post it all on FFN in the span of... 2 hours xD Don't know how I did that... now I take 20 minutes just to find the motivation to brush my teeth...

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life?

Eeeeeeeeeeeee fandooooooooomm my beloved!

Honestly I've been a silent spectator in many fandoms, but something about that environment of creation and discussion is very very motivating and inspiring. You see people having these fantastic conversations and you go "okay... I feel like doing something too." Creating is good for the soul, and I think this is a piece of advice doled out even to someone struggling with serious issues. Creating is healing, it works your brain, it gets you busy, it gets your imagination running. And fandom is suuuuuuuuuuch a good space for that.

For me personally, fandom has been many things, but most importantly, a place where I've made warm friends and in which I've found a reason to keep going, day to day. I'm so glad for all fandoms, but especially the Aruani fandom T^T

Thank you so much for the asks, anna, I really appreciate it T////T Sending you a lot of good vibes and energy to pull through~ 🌿💚🌿💚🌿💚🌿💚🌿💚🌿💚

[pray4saint]

hiii! can i get a tall latte with a dash of cinnamon and a donut? 🍩💖

fluffy conversations & nonsense arguments with sapnap

masterlist & descrip. pg. 13+. fluff.

a/n. ofc arissa, my favourite repeat reader 🙄🫶🏽

prompts. ”okay, mom.” / ”what are you doing?” / ”i don't deserve you.”

when you're shopping for snacks for a movie night..

you walk in front of your boyfriend, pacing faster than him. he's got a basket in hand currently filled with ice cream and energy drinks and sodas and your favourite candies. also popcorn, of course, it's movie night after all.

you stop in front of the cookies section, eyes scanning the shelves up and down. sapnap stops just behind you and sets the basket down on the ground. ”you know, the originals are always the best.” you smile at his words. ”yeah but, sometimes..” you reach for a different flavour of your favourite cookie brand. ”sometimes i crave something a little different.”

when you're getting ready to leave for a walk..

the weather had turned, but sapnap was still determined to get out of the house with you, even if it was just for a short walk outside.

you checked your phone after you'd gotten your shoes on while your boyfriend reached for a jacket.

”babe, bring an extra jacket, it's cold outside.” he looked at you and tilted his head, before reaching for another jacket. ”okay, mom.” you let your jaw fall slack at his words and you let out a gasp. ”i hope the cold air makes you horribly sick.” sap burst out laughing as he turned the door handle, motioning you out ahead of him.

when you're both sick..

despite the fact that both you and your boyfriend felt like shit, you still insisted on taking care of everything. the only help you accepted from dream or george was socialisation and taking things to sapnap from where ever you'd prepared them.

this time, neither of sapnap's roommates were home and it was your job to bring him soup. the steam rising from the bowl made you sniffle, your sinuses weren't clearing up and after all the vix you'd used you really hoped they would've cleared. ”you know you don't have to do this f'me, right?” he hesitantly takes the bowl from you and sets it in his lap, phone tossed to the side.

”yeah i know, but i enjoy helping you.” you give him a lopsided smile, and you start to feel an oncoming sneeze so you turn away, face in your arm. achoo! the warmth of your boyfriend's hand on your back makes you turn back to him, face dusted pink all over, a sign of your cold. ”i don't deserve you peach.”

”yes you do, now eat the soup, i'm going to run a bath for myself, you're welcome to join when you're done sicky.” he smiles at you, and then he runs into a coughing fit. ”i'll grab you cough drops and make more tea first.”

when you first tried cooking in his home..

sapnap figured it was just clay cooking at first, so he didn't get up from his spot in his bed. he knew you were over, but you'd only told him you were hungry and then you got up. when he looked up from his phone to see clay standing in the doorway, he was surprised. ”what are you making?” he'd asked before clay could say anything. ”what? i'm not cooking anything.”

”then who's–” clay shrugged, and the together the pair left his room, heading for the kitchen. it would've been strange for george to be cooking. he never cooked.

the only thing stranger than seeing george cooking was the sight before your boyfriend and his roommate. you were humming along to some random tune, kind of swaying around the kitchen as you moved, mixing ingredients into bowls and moving things into the sink and the oven. ”hey peach. what're you doin'?” you froze in your tracks. you turned to look at sap and clay. ”uh, just thought i'd make a little somethin'.” you sounded so nonchalant but the mess around you was anything but. ”y/n uh-” clay scratched at the back of his neck. ”darlin' this doesn't look like a little something.” you looked around the kitchen and laughed. ”i guess you're right.”

pray4saint© do not copy, translate or repost my work without my express permission.

[knifedog-machina]

listen to me ramble about Food for thirty minutes (as an android who Can't Eat)

Written by Jude on July 19th, 2024.

so I've written a whole lot of essays about pretty heavy topics, fucked up things, and that has its place! however, listen to me, I contain multitudes, and I wanna talk about something incredibly silly and fun and just generally more important to my daily life -

✨ Food ✨ 

which is great, and sometimes cursed, but mostly great!

see, as an android, I don't eat food. I do take in fuel by swallowing it - which is way more normal-looking and convenient than prying open your android's chassis to get a port and slowly IV drip thirium into their system - but that doesn't mean I taste things the same way a human would!

there are basically two possible flavors when I put something in my mouth with the intent of putting it in my body - edible (thirium! that's fuel babey!) OR inedible (literally everything else)

thirium is just. that's edible! that's the fuel you need to live! I think it tastes good, and I can't describe that taste to anyone here because I don't taste things in the same way - like the flavor comparison is just not happening. if I had to compare it to anything, like in taste and texture, I'd say it's like fruit nectar? something that tastes very simple that goes down easily, and at the time of drinking it from a pack, it is a bit thicker than water - as it actually starts flowing around in the body it thins out into more of a watery, blood-like consistency.

(sidenote: oh yeah thirium is… kind of like blood? pumped through the body, cools your organs/biocomponents, provides chemical energy to convert into electrical through reactions with air, it's weird android fuel/blood/coolant. it evaporates on contact with air, through our lungs, so we have to ingest it like at least twice daily to account for vapor loss, more if injured and losing it. this is not at all DBH canon, this is lore from Detroit Machina, I have never read a DBH fic that talks about thirium physiology in the same way we do)

and when something tastes inedible, obviously you want to spit it out. that is gross, that is vile, it is absolutely not something I want anywhere near my blood thanks. which means tasting anything that's not thirium like “hey what's that like?” is always gonna give the same answer: gross!

(second sidenote: as a deviant hunter, I also have a forensics analysis relay on my tongue. this basically means that if I'm licking something with the intent of chemically analyzing it, something like spilled thirium from a target, my sense of taste rewires from “edible vs inedible” to “processing a lot of extra data that I can sift through” (e.g. when was this spilled, what model was it from) because analyzing isn't the same as drinking, I just taste it - the amount swallowed with my saliva isn't enough to do any harm, so I don't need to process the edibility of it. this is Also not the same thing as tasting food as a human, for reasons I hope are obvious?)

so I really just get two tastes! they’re not all that sophisticated! (we are ignoring the Illegal Crime Flavors For Murder)

now HERE

IN A HUMAN BODY

THERE ARE FIVE FLAVORS 🙌

this is both a blessing and a curse

like it's really fun that instead of having One taste for Edible Items, you have Four! Five even! because bitterness is kind of an inedible flavor, it's unpleasant for most people, but that doesn't stop a lot of people from eating vegetables or drinking coffee or alcohol or unflavored sparkling water, and it also doesn't stop me, so I'm counting it as five flavors for food

anyway this is a Blessing

because wow! variety!! there's new things to enjoy in different ways! you can have the same ingredients for a dish and cook it in a different way and it will taste different! this is unbelievable honestly, it's fucking great?

and there's more to food than flavors! there's textures, there's temperature, there's compounds that make your mouth feel hot or cold or activate pain receptors, there's scent and how aromatic compounds completely change a food's flavor, a lot of things go into making a food interesting to eat!

like one of the best things to me with food is Temperature! maybe because that's one of the things that I'm familiar with, regulating your temperature through ingesting something that changes it (like I said, thirium is a coolant!) - example, hot soup on a winter day. or ice cream during a heat wave! it's just nice when the food helps you feel better in ways besides filling your stomach, I think

but also - horribly - food is also cursed. For Me Specifically

because uhhh you know how androids can only drink thirium? sometimes, when I'm stressed, food is viscerally disgusting to me. like it's a sensory issue, it Tastes too much, there are textures, it sucks, everything that is great about food can also be terrible when I'm having a bad time. unfortunately, sometimes I’ll be having a bad time because I'm low on blood sugar, and the way to solve this is to get some calories in me. the calories which are in the food. which is terrible

this is The Curse - I will feel better if I eat but eating will feel absolutely revolting until I feel better. it's wretched. (usually when this happens, I go to drinking milk, juice, something liquid with calories because it tastes very plain, won't sit on my tongue that long, and will be easy to swallow.)

I can solve this! mostly by setting alarms that tell us to start making food at a certain time, so it's ready to eat before I get low blood sugar and eating becomes sensory hell. and if I'm having trouble with food, sometimes my headmates won't be having the same problem, so I can switch out and they can eat the food! this is a shining example of how Teamwork can accomplish anything

I don't really know how to wrap up what's basically me talking about food for half an hour, completely unedited, but what I'm trying to say is, holy shit food is amazing? like yeah, I fundamentally understand why Aximili was like that in Animorphs, me the fuck too Ax, as another person who went from No Flavor to Five Flavors I'd also go feral for a cinnamon bun if I first experienced sweet pastries in a shopping mall. Absolutely Correct Behavior

basically uhh Food My Beloved (My Beloathed) (My Beloved) ❤️

[supersecretnerd]

If I had the energy to write, I would so make a crossover fanfic of Goodbye Volcano High and Bugsnax

It'd just be the main cast from GVH after their game events wake up on Snaktooth island slightly after the journalist arrived, so now on top of trying to get the grumpus all back in town the journalist (and everyone else) also has to be deal a different, unknown species of teenagers who are very frighten (not knowing if they're all dead or not, being away from their families, stuck on an island with body horror and tension from a group of creatures you don't know would be scary).

Also I think the interactions could potentially be cool.

I'd have to take proper notes before trying to come up with anything concrete, but have some ideas from the top of my head (below readmore so this isn't too long)

The GVH gang are unable to eat the Bugsnax (can't swallow them whole, but even if they could they'd get sick from it and wouldn't have the body changing effects.)

Feel like the GVH gang would get sick (mostly figuratively) of eating Sauces, and would look for food everywhere on the island and in the waters; they don't come up with anything and are disappointed (especially Sage, he just wants to cook)

Journalist definitely interviews them all (could be a good writing practice for getting a grasp at how GVH characters speak)

Stella and Shelda would get along either well or well-ish (depending on how Stella would react to Shelda's apartment hypocrisy when or if she noticed)

Trish and Rosa would like helping Gramble out with his pet Bugsnaxs. (However, it's kinda bittersweet cause looking at the Bugsnax makes them miss Mango) (Maybe Mango's on the island, and the Journalist eventually finds her)

Rosa would also like helping Wambus out in his garden, finding the Sauce Fruit fascinating. (Does kinda make Gramble and Wambus fights more awkward for her, since she likes hanging out with both)

On one hand Floofty is kinda a jerk, but on the other hand I feel like Fang, Sage, and Rosa would sorta look up to them for being the oldest non-cis person they've met.

Trish absolutely bombards Floofty with questions about their research on Bugsnax; Floofty would view her similarly to how they view Tiffany. (Trish could offer to help them with their research, currently unsure if Floofty would accept or decline like how they declined Flibo) (The decapitation experiment still happens though, as Trish cannot eat bugsnax)

Floofty would be more excited at the prospect of finding a new sapient species, but the Bugsnax is still messing with their head so it's a more mellowed out excitement.

Snoopy is naturally suspicious of them, doesn't trust them (thinks they were all created by Grumpinati to spy on them).

They'd all get along with Chandlo great, who doesn't like Chandlo.

Fang would relate heavily to Wiggle's passion for music and think she's cool, whereas Fang would remind Wiggle of a younger version of herself (on Wiggle ends, it's kinda both a happy and sad thing.

Tiffany and Naser would crack a lot of jokes together.

Reed tries to start a L&L game on the island with some grumps included (dunno who yet) (if you don't know, L&L is just D&D). It doesn't end well (how don't know, something similar to how Filbos activities end/maybe it was Filbos idea), so the GVH just take to playing L&L amongst themselves.

GVH gang would be nicer to Filbos I think.

That's about all I can think of. Feel free to send me any ideas you guys come up with!

[not-goldy]

Tumblr please bring back my update.

It was a long ass post too and Tumblr jx sweeped it under the rugs damn

So Re my gf's dialog of doom- FALSE ALARM😭😭😭

Sis jx wanted to know what I wanted to do on my birthday💀

But like why did she say it like that cos I peed pooped puked pivoted ALL THE BIG P's at the same time😭😭😭😭😭😭

Sis don traumatized me in this relationship 🤧

Anyone who knows what's been going on between us last year. weve been going through this process close to and near my birthday that ends with us breaking up- and then getting back together.

It's very simple, she missed my birthday last year ND the year before that. No post no greetings no calls nothing. So what did I do? Nothing. Didn't complain didnt ask questions. NOTHING.

And it hurt cos I used to do everything for her on her birthday to let her know I be feeling her like that- and honestly I just think it's nice to do nice things for people you care about and her birthday is jx an excuse for me to show her I care and give her experiences and moments ya know?

I don't know. May be it's my mistake I keep giving her the love I want for myself and I keep loving her in ways I never had.

Anywho, I had had enough of her analysis retentive attitude so close to her birthday, I got her all excited, called up her friends to let them know I was planning something for her. I even asked if they wanted to come cos I knew they would tell her either way. they a bunch of clowns really🤡

On her birthday, she cleared her schedule and seemed in a really good mood- I cleared my schedule too( we worked together then, she's my boss so she definitely knew I cleared my schedule that day)

Then on her birthday, I took myself out on a nice getaway staycation got me some nice lingerie pampered my back and toes, had those feet fetishized and love kissed by them cute weird freaky feet eating fishes with foot fetish, strolled through long halls naked under the robe with a glass of wine, and let my phone ring on silence.

Came back n acted like I'd been out with people and had the time of my life.

You can't stress me out and expect me not to love myself.

I'LL LOVE MYSELF ON YOUR BIRTHDAY😘

This year. I totally forgot she's a March born like I stopped caring bout her birthday n I wasn't even trying to be petty or nuin😭😭😭😭😭

I just don't care anymore 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

So when she said we needed to talk, turns out she just wanted to talk about that and call it truce cos she says she can't keep going through that year after year.

And frankly I can't either cos I be having my entire heart ripped out of my chest it be looking like a homicide inside my ribcage- but it doesn't stop me from returning the energy on her birthdays too cos I'M PETTY AS FUCK DUDE

I'm a Libra don't mess with me. I'll take the L, go through all the motions, feel that hurt and pain and betrayal and when I'm done- RUN

ILL GEAR UP AND SERVE YOU HOT STEAMING PILE OF LAVA BOILING REVENGE COOKED STRAIGHT FROM HELL'S COLD KITCHEN😌

She asked me what my plans are for my birthday and I honestly have nothing planned at all- I jx want to be quiet and alone and watch Netflix.

She's hurt cos she says I used to want to do things together with her on my birthday.

I don't know if I've changed like she says but frankly as much as I love her I don't enjoy being with her anymore.

I'd rather spend my birthday alone, do things alone- I love her want her- it's just I'm scared of another fight and yet again another break up and if us being distant is the only way we can have a semblance of a normal relationship then I'll take that.

And I'll rather have this than not have her at all.

Chilee I don't know anymore.

Also yall quit complaining bout me bringing my drama to your doorstep. Like yall have audacity hanging around my blog for free 99 and expecting relative peace and drama free services😹😹😹😹😹

Say it after me, We all in this together

Mi drama is su drama adios 😘😆

[re-velogs]

btw speaking of periods. here's a couple tips if nobody's told you — and these r just my personal experience of what worked for me, so take with a grain of salt! also just to say it from the jump i hope at least some of this could help a trans woman experiencing periods <3

Caffeine can help with cramps & (some) headaches. Even if it doesn't help you feel more awake or affect you in the typical way for whatever reason, it still helps with the cramps! If you don't like caffeinated beverages, midol or excedrin are both painkiller brands (acetimenophen i believe in both) that have caffeine in the pills as well, so you can take those to help without having to drink coffee or tea etc.

Heating pads or an electric blanket will change your life, but they can be expensive. You can make your own microwaveable heating pad with thick fabric and dried beans for much cheaper, just look up a diy guide to make sure you don't blow up your kitchen in a beancident (tone tag: silly!! very unlikely you can explode your kitchen, but you should still handle it carefully and not microwave it too long). If you don't want to or can't buy a heating pad/hot water bottle/make a heat plush, you can buy those little handwarmer bags at convenience stores (especially in the colder months). They're air activated and not all too expensive and last a while. I would take two or three and put them in a pillowcase and fold it up so i could lay it on my stomach like a heating pad without it directly touching my skin - since that can burn you.

Even if you don't experience bleeding, i would still recommend drinking a lot of water especially if you're like me and can barely get through a 16oz water bottle over two days (i'm working on it shh). It just is really good for you & again, can help with cramps, headaches, fatigue, and tbh even emotional symptoms.

You may not feel like eating anything when ur on ur period and i get it, i really do, but u gotta eat still bc it will make it all so much worse if you're on ur period AND hangry. that said, if you have any food sensitivities i would take extra care to avoid them during ur period bc you don't need to feel bloated and sick from your period And from eating lunch. it's horrid & i would sometimes end up playing myself like this right before a 6-8 hour shift on my feet and talking the whole day (i'm a teacher so i also would have to be explaining things and yknow, teaching without collapsing face first bc stomach ache).

As far as food goes, here's what worked for me: eating the same amount of food i normally do, but instead of 3 big meals and a snack or two (eating every 4 hours or so) i'd take my food amount and spread it out to turn it into a kind of constant nibbling the whole day (so finishing eating something every hour or two). i have stomach issues as-is so this helped prevent nausea and bloating, and also helped my energy stay consistent especially if i mixed it with drinking a lot of water and juice. personally it might be worth it to avoid super heavy/dense foods and invest in easy to make and simpler foods. like, protein bars, fruit strips, fresh fruit (apple slices and peanut butter <3) and veggies (carrots glazed in honey or roasted brussel sprouts are more delicious and easier to make than you think!). also, as much as you can, listen to what your body wants to eat. if ur craving chocolate, eat that. bc it's better to eat and feel good abt what you're eating than either not eating or feeling worse than you already do by forcing urself to eat stuff you don't want.

Last thing about food sorry it's just that eating is so important: If you have a good idea of when you get your period or when the worst symptoms are, try meal prepping the week before. nothing huge and complicated. you can straight up just make like six PB&Js and keep em in the fridge. if you have the energy to cook something you can have as leftovers, awesome! (one of my go to meals was boiling frozen pork & leek dumplings in chicken broth i made from store bought concentrate. took like 15 mins and i could sit by the warm stove and just watch it cook and then pour it in a thermos and then go lay face down somewhere. and it had salt, protein, carbs, veggie, just a great meal. and it being hot helped with cramps plus it was super light on my stomach!!)

Hate to say it but exercise helped so much with making periods manageable. If you can, try taking a 15 min walk each day. at the very least do some stretches within ur ability and comfort to help with general joint pain and keeping your body from feeling "creaky".

I love u please take care of yourself 🤍

[unpredictable-probabilities]

Azul Ashengrotto of Royal Sword Academy || Chapter 4: What Lurks Beneath a Smile

Summary

Azul visits NRC and meets some of the people close to Jamil, who are understandably curious whether they’re dating or not.

In the middle of their hangout, Jamil learns of Azul’s burdens as an RSA student, as Rielle’s friend, and the dire danger that comes with them.

Word Count: 18, 487

A few days later, Jamil is making a meal for himself in the school kitchen. Normally he’d be doing it at Scarabia, but some of the freshmen are currently using the kitchen there. He doesn’t mind, it’ll be good if more of his residents develop an interest in cooking; he’d have more help in preparing their meals.

Ruggie was already there when Jamil arrived, and they've been chatting for a while like they usually do whenever they run into each other here.

But Ruggie doesn't have his usual energy tonight, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t wanna return to Savanaclaw even though it’s getting late already.

Jamil has a pretty good idea why, but he’s not sure what to say, or if he should even say anything. Maybe Ruggie would prefer not to talk about it at all, especially since Jamil wasn’t even there when it happened. All his knowledge of it came from stories he heard floating around.

"You can go ahead, Jamil," Ruggie says when he sees that Jamil has finished cooking. "You can eat over there at the table, I'll clean up here."

"You sure?" Jamil asks, glancing down at the bandages on Ruggie's arm.

Jamil had an injury too, a few weeks back. Cut his own hand while cooking on a night just like this, only for him to find out that it had been Ruggie's Signature Spell to disable him before their interdorm Spelldrive tournament.

But even then, he healed up. In contrast, Ruggie's injury, whatever it was, continued to persist well past all other scrapes and bruises he got during the day of the tournament proper.

"Yeah, man," Ruggie says. "I got this. You can start eatin'. I'll join you in a bit."

Ruggie speaks with his usual light tone, but Jamil can see that he can't use his injured arm as well as the other one, and his eyes are a little glazed and distracted.

Jamil sighs. "As if I'd be comfortable eating while someone else is still doing the work. If you don't want me to sit and watch you, you might as well let me help. You can pay me back by giving me a portion of your food…" He squints at the ingredients. "What're you trying to make here?"

"A'right, fine," Ruggie says. "And I'm just making potato and leek soup." He glances at Jamil's dish. "What did you make?"

"Found some black sea bass from the freezer unit and cooked it with some radishes," he shrugs like it was no big deal. "Decided to try something new while the freshmen are busying themselves with Scarabia's kitchen. Meanwhile, how're the other Savanaclaws gonna survive without your cooking? Leaving your lil' cubs out to starve for the night?" he then teases.

"Jack volunteered," Ruggie says. "He said he'll ask the others to help, too. He and Yuu insisted that I take a break. That lil' Ramshackle runt can be persuasive, y'know? Hand me that spatula," he points to the utensils hanging on hooks.

Jamil did just that, also bringing in any other utensils he knows Ruggie would need for the soup.

As he does so, he hums. "Never thought I'd see the day when Ruggie of all people decides to take a break. Even when we were freshmen, you were already hopping on whatever gig or scheme you could lay your hands on for money's sake."

That was, until Leona came along and he and Ruggie promptly began a give-and-take dynamic. But he feels that it would be inappropriate to bring him up, if the recent rumors of what happened before the tournament were true.

"How have you been coping so far? As someone who had a whole year to adjust, it takes a while to get used to."

"It's been okay," Ruggie shrugs. "Even with my work at Savanaclaw, I still got time to get extra gigs here and there. Sweepin' the stables, weeding the gardens, stuff like that. Oh, by the way, I was looking for you the other day to ask about a recipe, but your Vice Prefect said you'd gone out to buy an outfit for the Autumn Dance. You were out for like the whole day, didja have trouble finding an affordable suit? I can hook you up to some of the clothing stores I know."

"... No need," Jamil coolly replies. "I already got what I was looking for and I doubt I'd need to buy a new set of clothes anytime soon. If I ever do, though, I'll let you know." Though he knows that such advice often comes with a price when it's from Ruggie. "So? What's the recipe you needed help with?"

"Do ya know how to make vegetable dishes tasty?" Ruggie asks. "We have a greenhouse and some gardens here so it's much cheaper to mix vegetables and meat in dishes, but the cubs at Savanaclaw are extremely picky and we always have leftovers that go bad if I try."

Ruggie puts his soup in a bowl and grabs a spoon. "C'mon," he jerks his head towards the table and walks over to it.

As they make their way over to the table, with the ghost chefs tilting their heads at them in greeting as they pass by, Jamil starts informing Ruggie about taking out the bitter taste in vegetables (that's most likely why many of the meat-loving Savanaclaws are averse to them) using the right seasoning, like salt or oil and avoiding cooking methods like boiling when he could roast or stir-fry them instead.

"And you can try mixing them with meat in a way where it's impossible for the others to completely take them out," Jamil cunningly smiles. "Like meatballs, omelettes, pies, cookies… The possibilities are endless. Plus, I'm sure once they've figured out the hidden veggies, they wouldn't complain on account of how tasty you'd make them."

Ruggie snickers. "I knew I could rely on ya. If you need anythin' just let me know!"

Jamil's phone on the table lights up from a text.

Ruggie's gaze falls on the name on the screen and he raises his eyebrow.

"Piano Man?" Ruggie says, downing a spoonful of soup. "Why's a piano guy texting you at this hour?"

Jamil gives Ruggie a small look of warning as he takes his phone. "Good news: I thought of how you're gonna pay me back for my advice. Forget you ever saw that."

Ruggie narrows his eyes in suspicion, then he snickers. "A'right, you can keep your mystery piano man a secret."

Jamil leans back in his seat and reads Azul's message.

Jamil's eyes widen a little in surprise, then they soften.

And with that, he turns his phone off and goes back to his meal, knowing that more time spent texting meant more time getting stared at by Ruggie.

"Anyway," he clears his throat. "What are your plans for the upcoming dance? Would attending it be considered part of your break, too?"

Ruggie stares at his reaction suspiciously for a few seconds, but luckily he lets it go.

"There's free food, Jamil, of course I'm going to the dance! I ain't got beef with RSA, anyway, like you and the others. Bet they got all types'a fancy food, and I don't have to prepare any of it!" Ruggie snickers. "I'm a lil' surprised you're attending, though. Never figured you for one who's into those fancy events."

"Fair enough," Jamil shrugs. "I don't have much beef with RSA either, save for that quiz bee, but that's water under the bridge. I figured it'd be a waste to skip out on a celebration when I intend to live my days here to the fullest however possible. Besides, I'm used to those parties so I'm not averse to them. It'd be interesting to see what an RSA party is like and how it compares to ours. I heard even Idia Shroud might be coming. If you're going to be surprised about anybody, be surprised about him."

"Whoa, Idia Shroud?" Ruggie's eyes widen. "Now that's a rare sight to see. I've been here two years and I think I've only seen him like three times. And hey, look at you bein' mature about that quiz bee! I still hear some guys being salty about it, grumblin' about how that Azul Whatshisface stole victory from us. As if they did any work," Ruggie scoffs.

"I know," Jamil smirks in amusement. "I pity them for not having better things to do with their time… What would you have done, if you had lost like I did?"

"Woulda eaten like two dozen donuts to make myself feel better," Ruggie says immediately. "What did you do? I was gonna ask you to hang out after the confetti but ya disappeared. Ya didn't sneak off and kill Azul, didja?" he snickers.

"Hm-hm, who knows?" was all Jamil replies with, slyly taking another bite from his meal. "Also, I wouldn't exactly call you mature, either, considering how you… yanno… " he gestures to his hand, where a faint scar can be seen. "... The lengths you were willing to go to keep me off the field 'cause you perceived me as a threat."

Ruggie's smirk melts off his face, and he looks down at his bowl that was almost empty.

"Yeah… Sorry about that…" he mutters. Then he looks up at Jamil again with a humorous smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I was a real asshole, wasn't I? Not gonna happen again."

He takes his bowl in both hands and downs the remaining soup in one gulp.

"I'm gonna clean up," Ruggie stands up and claps Jamil on the shoulder, then makes his way to the sink.

Jamil watches Ruggie rise and walk to the sink, quiet. He knew he had to get to the conversation somehow.

"... Will you be heading back to your dorm after this? Or do you have other places to sleep in for the night?"

Ruggie starts washing the dishes and takes his time answering.

"I dunno yet," he mumbles as the faucet runs. "I'll decide later."

Jamil finishes his food and moves to the sink.

If he and Ruggie are similar in nature, then Jamil knows Ruggie is going to hate this... but maybe not as much as he would believe.

Color him blasphemous but from recent experiences, talking things out haven't been as bad as he thought.

He settles on the space next to the hyena, voice quiet and sincere. "What happened? Back before the tournament began."

Ruggie purses his lips and doesn't look at him.

"What do you already know?" he asks quietly.

"Other than the fact that all the 'accidents' leading up to it had been a dorm-wide scheme, none," Jamil replies. "I've been hearing rumors but I don't like paying them much heed."

He glances at Ruggie and his arm. "... I can try to guess, though."

Ruggie casts a sideways glance at him, quietly waiting for him to continue.

"Out of all the rumors, one stayed too consistent to simply be baseless speculation." Jamil quietly explains. "Leona, he... The delinquent drove himself into an Overblot."

He gestures to Ruggie's injury. "I'm guessing he did something to you in the heat of the moment, something even harsher than a normal spell or attack, otherwise you'd have healed already."

Ruggie's lower lip trembles, but he bites down on it and nods.

"His…" his voice breaks and he clears his throat. "His Signature Spell. He can turn anything to sand. And when he was… Overblotting… the bastard started monologuing about how he didn't need me and shit, and, well… at some point he kinda tried to kill me," Ruggie lifts his injured arm. "So…"

Jamil winces. "Seriously? Bastard... as if he doesn't know who's been making his life easy around here..."

He looks closely at the bandages and frowns at a realization. Ruggie has never let injuries get the best of him before.

"Something tells me that the injury doesn't hurt you as much as what Leona said." He muses. "You wouldn't have avoided talking about him since then if it hadn't. After all, the other Savanaclaws were there when he Overblotted, but they're being as chummy with him as ever after it's all said and done."

Ruggie finishes washing the dishes and dries his hands on a towel. He leans against the sink and crosses his arms.

"I stayed until after I was sure he's recovered enough," Ruggie says quietly. "But after that… Well, an errand boy's always busy doing work around the campus. And Leona had never been good at starting conversations even when people aren't avoiding him…" Ruggie laughs bitterly. "So we're here. Well, I'm here. I don't care where he is…"

"And you don't have to. If he doesn't wanna talk, then he can have it his way." Jamil huffed. "... If you need a place to stay, we've got spare rooms in Scarabia. I know you don't want to seem like you're running away, but sometimes that distance is needed. You can take it from me."

Ruggie nods. "Thanks, Jamil. I… I think I wanna talk, though…" his voice fades so quietly that Jamil had to strain to hear it. Ruggie chuckles mirthlessly again. "Stupid, right? Guy almost disintegrates my arm and I still care so much about him…"

He takes a shaky breath, and continues speaking in a whisper. "He was in so much pain, Jamil… I don't ever wanna see him like that again. But I don't… I don't know how…" his voice breaks and he shuts his eyes tight.

Jamil's face becomes indecipherable as his brows furrow, then slowly and almost hesitantly, his arm reaches out to give Ruggie a side-hug, glancing around to make sure no one else is snooping in on them before looking back at the hyena.

"It's... good that you wanna talk to him after everything, but if he's not ready then it's not up to you to do everything for him. Give him time, and while you do that, go do some stuff for your sake. Sevens know you deserve it… Honestly, I didn't realize you guys had gotten so close. I was there when you first met him and man, you both looked like you were about to tear each other's throats out. I still remember how you freaked out when he first summoned you to his room."

In an attempt to lighten the mood, he makes an effort to mimic Ruggie's voice. "'He's gonna kill me, I just know it, Jamil. When I disappear from class the next day, you have to come looking for my corpse, okay!?'"

A small laugh bursts out of Ruggie, and he sniffles, opening his eyes again. "I can't believe you remember that." He sighs. "It feels like a lifetime ago."

Ruggie stays quiet for a few moments, then playfully elbows Jamil. "And I didn't realize that you were so down for dramatic talks. When did that happen?"

"I could ask the same about you," Jamil shoots back at him. "I was half-expecting you to put up a fight before admitting anything close to what you told me... Guess I found that those talks hadn't been so bad once the icky part of being all vulnerable is said and done."

Ruggie shrugs. "I guess I'd been wanting to talk about it to someone. And you're the one who asked so I figured it'll be your fault if I ever said anything you didn't wanna hear. Besides, if you blab about this to anyone, I can always get you back by telling everyone about your secret piano man text pal."

Jamil narrows his eyes at him. "Be careful. Spreading his presence might bring his wrath down upon you, not mine." He says this without malice, then chuckles as he shakes his head. "Your secret's safe with me. What're you feeling now?"

Ruggie sniffles and rubs his eyes, grinning. "I feel like I can sleep peacefully in Savanaclaw tonight. Thanks, Jamil, really. Enjoy the half day tomorrow."

Ruggie claps him on the back and starts to walk away.

"No prob, Rug. Enjoy the half day tomorrow yourself," Jamil smiles at him, then moves to finish his dishes by the sink.

The miracle of a talk is astounding, frankly.

Jamil adjusts his backpack on his shoulders as he enters the Scarabia lounge. Classes had finished and he's on his way to his room, then a voice he never expected to hear in this place calls his name.

"Jamil!"

He turns around in time to get tackled by a lanky young girl.

Najma lets him go from the embrace and smiles cheekily at him. "Betcha didn't see that coming, huh?"

Jamil blinks wildly down at her before his jaw drops.

"N-Najma!? What the— What are you DOING here!?"

He puts his hands on her cheeks and inspects her from head to toe, wondering if it's a trick or a trap.

"Hey!" Najma playfully swats his hands away. "Our school has a field trip here today, one of the most prestigious colleges, y'know? I didn't tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise. So, surprise!"

Najma grins up at him.

"A fieldtrip?" Jamil asks, finding it almost hard to believe but there was no other explanation for why she could be here out of nowhere. "Then… what are you doing here away from your schoolmates?!"

"Relax!" Najma chides. "I asked our teacher for permission to swing by here! She knows you're my brother so she allowed me. I gotta get back to them now, though. But later we'll be given free reign as long as we won't be wandering alone! Catch you then?"

"I... suppose, though if you're expecting a tour guide around the school, you'll have to ask someone else. I'm heading out later to the town at the base of the mountain."

"Oh, why? Whatcha doing?"

"I'm gonna be meeting up with someone there." Jamil replies vaguely, already dreading having his little sister pry more information out of him.

Najma narrows her eyes at him and slowly nods. "Okay, okay, if you say so…"

Then she gives him a quick hug again. "See you later!" And she runs off.

Jamil, still awkward around physical affection (despite all his years growing up with Kalim), stood stiff as Najma hugged him.

He watches her leave, then checks his watch before texting Azul.

His phone lights up about a minute later as he's making his way to his room.

Nearing the cafeteria, he notices that the students suddenly hush around him.

He looks around curiously and sees that Azul is walking towards the entrance. He's wearing a light blue long-sleeved button up shirt and black slacks, but it seems like the students still recognize him even without his uniform.

People stare and conversations stop as he goes past. Azul doesn't seem to mind, though. He just keeps walking like he normally does, like he doesn't even notice the other students.

"Hey asshole!"

A sandwich flies through the air and hits Azul square in the chest, splattering meat and tomato sauce all over his white uniform.

He stops walking.

"You got the nerve to show your face here after what ya did?" The thrower steps up to Azul, and Jamil notices the Scarabia band around his arm.

He walks closer and recognizes it as his fellow Second Year, Orfeo, the one who's just barely passing his classes.

The other students seem to take a step back, but the crowd is beginning to thicken.

"I have the Headmage's permission for my visit," Azul says calmly with a polite smile.

Orfeo scoffs. "I don't give a damn if you got the Great Seven's permission. Ya don't belong here. The exit is that way," he points to the direction of the school gate.

"I'm afraid that I have some more business here," Azul says, unfazed. "You'll have to tolerate my presence for a little while longer."

Orfeo takes out his Magic Pen and points it threateningly at Azul's face. "Get out."

Faster than Jamil can react, Azul grabs Orfeo's wrist and twists his arm behind his back.

"I will," Azul continues in his calm tone, standing behind Orfeo. "Just give me a few minutes, my friend."

"Ohhhh…!" say a few of the students, some wincing at the smooth takedown while others watch in amazement.

Jamil sighs, walking forward and proceeding to separate the both of them.

He sharply turns to the fellow Scarabia before him. "What the hell do you think you're doing? RSA or not, assaulting a visitor that the Headmage himself acknowledged is grounds for suspension. What if the younger students from the Scalding Sands saw this behavior while they're in the middle of their tour?" He crosses his arms, stern. "Apologize."

His resident looks baffled at his remarks.

"B-But Prefect, this is the guy that stole your win, right? Why are you taking his side?"

"Because I'm not a petulant child who throws a tantrum over what's already happened," he replies, then remembers that he sorta did have a tantrum. But it at least didn't last very long. "Azul here is an honored guest by the Headmage, me, and Jade Leech. If you have a bone to pick with him, then you have a bone to pick with the three of us. Now, are you gonna run along or am I gonna have to report this to Crowley?"

Orfeo stammers for a bit, looking at him and Azul in turn, then runs away.

Jamil loses the scowl and turns to Azul, noticing the stain on his clothes. He clicks his tongue. "How unfortunate... What a waste of perfectly good food."

Azul raises his eyebrows. "Well, I'm glad you know your priorities."

He looks down at his shirt and a frown creases his forehead.

"I didn't bring a change of clothes," he mutters.

Jamil feigns surprise at seeing Azul. "Oh, it's you."

Then he playfully smiles. "Didn't seem like you needed anyone worrying about you. You looked like you could've gotten it all handled but... Couldn't let you get the entire spotlight now."

He takes out his pen and magics most of the mess away, leaving only a faint red stain.

"Here, so you don't have to run around looking like you just recovered from being shot in the chest." He muttered, taking off his grey blazer and passing it over to him.

Since he still had his hoodie on, he was well-dressed enough even without the extra layer so he didn't mind.

Azul looks surprised, but he takes the blazer and wears it, covering up the stain.

"Thank you," he gives Jamil a small smile, and looks around at the crowd of students still staring at them. More than a handful of them are wide-eyed at Jamil's gesture.

Azul hides it well but Jamil could see in the tension in his shoulders that he's uncomfortable with the attention.

Jamil's pretty tense with it as well, but he knows that no one would interfere with them at this point.

"Let's head somewhere else then, yes?" He tries to look relaxed as he puts his hands in his pockets. "Come on, let's get outta here."

Jamil leads Azul to the corridors outside, then his phone rings in his pocket.

He stops walking, giving Azul a signal to pause for a bit, then takes his phone to see who was contacting him.

Ruggie's name is flashing on the screen.

Jamil raises an eyebrow at this. He looks at Azul.

"Hold on, I have to take this."

He politely walks a few steps forward to answer the call and puts the phone to his ear. "Ruggie?"

"Hey," Ruggie's voice says. "I found your sister."

"Hey, Jamil~!" Najma's voice says from a bit further away.

"Apparently it's their free time now from the tour, and she stopped by the kitchens looking for you. Viper junior here says she wants to help me cook. Wanna hang with us?"

Jamil pauses, contemplating before he looks up at Azul. "A friend of mine's asking if I wanna go cook something with them in the school kitchens. We'll have to go back to the cafeteria to get there, though. Do you have anywhere else you need or wish to go first?"

Azul shakes his head. "No, I'm free for the rest of the day. And cooking with your friends does sound lovely. Is it alright if I help as well?" he smiles.

Jamil's glad Azul doesn't seem so miffed about the cafeteria incident anymore.

"Sure. Come on, then," And he begins to make his way back to the crowded dining area. "Do you cook often?"

“Not as often as I’d like,” Azul says. “If I had the time, I’d open some sort of cafe. But as things stand now, I’m always too busy for such things.”

They pass by the cafeteria again, and Jamil isn’t surprised that the students’ eyes are following them.

What does surprise him is the change in energy. The looks thrown in Azul’s way are less wary and suspicious and more like… fascinated? Some of the students actually smile to their friends when they catch sight of Azul, while others are whispering excitedly among themselves.

Jamil glances around the room, slightly unsettled by the attention. Whether it was positive or negative, he decides any attention still makes him uneasy, so he hurries along to the kitchen doors. As soon as they're inside, he lets out an exhale.

"Well..!" He mutters. "That was unexpected..."

"Indeed," Azul glances back with furrowed eyebrows in the direction they came from. "What was that about? Were they actually smiling?"

"That's what it looked like. But what they were smiling about, I'm not sure…“ He squints at Azul. "They seemed to be looking at you, though. Did you do something in the short time you were there somehow?"

"No," Azul looks even more confused. "After my meeting with Jade, I headed straight for the cafeteria. I never even spoke to anyone else. Perhaps it was you they were smiling at?"

"Eugh, I hope not," Jamil shudders at the thought. “This kind attention from his schoolmates could never lead to anything good. "Whatever. They're not bothering us anymore so that's all that matters in the end, I guess. Anyway..." He glances around the kitchen for any sign of Ruggie and Najma. "... This is the first I've heard of you wanting to own a café."

Azul shrugs. “It’s not like I’m actively working towards it. So there isn’t much to talk about.” He gives his usual polite smile, but Jamil detects the resignation in his tone.

Jamil spots them by one of the stoves. Ruggie seems to be cooking while Najma is sitting on the counter and chatting with him.

He falls quiet. As long as Najma and Ruggie haven't noticed them yet…

His voice dropping low into a quiet mutter, he asks Azul, "Why not? It's what you want to do, right?"

“It’s not that simple, I’m afraid,” Azul says, still maintaining the smile. “And why are we being quiet?” He asks and looks around, matching Jamil’s change in volume.

"But why can't it be that simple?" Jamil asks, bothered by this side of Azul.

"Oh! There he is!" Najma greets, noticing them and holding up her hand to wave. Then she pauses. "Huh? Hey, who's that?"

Ruggie looks over to them at Najma's question, and his eyes widen.

"No way," he turns off the stove and walks towards them, then points to Azul. "You're that RSA dude, right? Azul… Something?"

Azul smiles and holds up a hand to Ruggie. "Azul Ashengrotto. Pleased to meet you."

Ruggie looks surprised for a second before shaking Azul's hand. "Uh, yeah. Ruggie Bucchi."

"RSA?" Najma hops off the counter and walks over to them as well, eyeing Azul. Then she turns to Jamil. "Is that your blazer he's wearing?" 

"Someone threw food at him and tomato sauce tends to leave a stain, so…" Jamil answers, crossing his arms. "What have you two been getting up to? And Najma, since when did you know Ruggie of all people?"

“I was looking for you in the kitchen,” Najma replies. “But I found him instead. So I asked him if he knew you, and then he called you and here we are!”

“Wait wait,” Ruggie looks confused. “Since when do you two hang out?”

"Since Floyd forcibly roped me along into a merman reunion," Jamil smoothly replies. "He came here to meet up with Jade over something and now he's free and wanted to cook along. This is the least I could do to make up for one of my members chucking food at him. Any problem with that?"

“Chill out!” Ruggie says, holding his hands up. “I was just asking, dang.”

“Ooh, you’re a merman?” Najma says in fascination. “I’ve never met a merman before! Najma Viper, Mr. Azul, sir!” she sticks out her hand. “That grump over there is my brother,” she nods her head towards Jamil.

Azul chuckles and shakes Najma's hand. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Najma."

"Okay, now that introductions are done, let's go do what we came here to do." Ruggie waves them over to the stove and he continues to stir-fry vegetables.

“What your resident did was out of your control, you know,” Azul tells Jamil pointedly as they walk to join Ruggie. "There is nothing to make up for.”

“Yeah,” Najma looks at Jamil suspiciously. “Who knew you had such a kind soul, brother?”

Jamil seems to cringe at the word. "I wasn't being so kind as much as I was being responsible. I think anyone would do the same in my shoes."

Ruggie shrugs and does a seesaw motion with his hand. "I dunno about that, but sure."

"Speaking of responsible..." Jamil turns to fuss over his sister. "You're lucky it was Ruggie of all people you talked to. What have I told you about approaching random strangers, Najma? If anything bad were to happen to you…"

“It’s fine, Jamil,” Najma punches him playfully on the arm. “I saw Ruggie’s uniform so I knew he was a student and maybe he knew you. Besides, you taught me well on how to defend myself! You don’t need to worry so much.”

“Yeah, man,” Ruggie agrees. “If you’re the one who taught her to fight, then if anyone here chucks food at her, they’ll be no match.” He glances at Azul. "It's a good thing you got time to hang with us, Azul. You're not busy over there at RSA?"

"Not today, no," Azul replies. "We have no classes today since most of us are attending to the Autumn Dance preparations, including the professors. And I've finished my committee duties and piano rehearsals this morning, fortunately.”

Ruggie’s ears perk up and he turns to face Azul. “You play the piano?”

Azul nods. “I was assigned to play a few songs at the dance; the rehearsals are part of my routine.”

“Huh!” Ruggie says exaggeratedly. “Interesting. And uh, has Jamil heard you play?”

“Once, the other day,” Azul smiles at the memory. “He caught me playing a simple song at the department store piano.”

“Huh,” Ruggie says again, subtly smirking at Jamil. No doubt remembering what Jamil said about going out to buy an outfit for the dance. “Cool, cool, good to know.”

Jamil rolls his eyes, aware of where Ruggie had been going with his line of questioning.

"What're you cooking now?" He eyes the vegetables, pretending he hadn't heard all that. "Are these for those cubs of yours?"

"Cubs?" Najma repeats, confused.

“I cook for the residents of my dorm, Savanaclaw,” Ruggie explains. “This dish ain’t for them, though.” he looks at Jamil. “I’m trying out some recipes following your advice the other night, mixing vegetables into meat. Right now I’m making tacos, just a small batch to see if I get the taste right. There’s enough for four people, though, so y’all can have some, too.”

Ruggie mixes in some cooked ground beef with the vegetables and turns to Azul. “You’re helping, right? Line up those taco shells on the tray over there.”

“Oh, of course,” Azul rolls up his sleeves and walks over to the sink a little farther from them to wash his hands.

Najma walks next to Jamil and whispers. “He’s pretty cute. What’s your deal with him?”

Jamil raises an eyebrow at Najma's before quietly gazing at Azul, whispering his own reply. "He's a friend. Why? Also if you're gonna lurk here, you should help out, too."

“I am helping!” Najma whispers. “I was the one who told Ruggie what spices to add in the ground beef. But more importantly, is Azul the friend you said you were meeting in town today?”

"... Well, I thought we'd be going to the town after his errand here but it seems like he's fine with seeing more of this place," Jamil explains. "What of it?"

“He’s wearing your blazer,” Najma says pointedly, as if it should be obvious what she’s talking about. “In all our lives, I have never seen you lend anyone any of your clothes. Ever. And he’s from RSA? As in the rival of your school? You always avoid any source of potential intrigue, and now here you are being besties with an RSA guy. Also you’ve been awfully defensive ever since Ruggie called you out for hanging out with him.”

"Yeah, well…" Jamil started, fumbling over his thoughts to think of something to say and coming up with none. "So?"

A smile appears on Najma's face, and her eyes are practically glowing. "So, he's not just a friend to you, is he? That is so cool!" she excitedly whispers, eyeing Azul who is now currently talking with Ruggie while he arranges the taco shells on a tray lined with wax paper.

"If you want, I can try to find out if he likes you back," Najma adds, leaning towards Jamil conspiratorially.

"What?!" Jamil quietly hisses, feeling warmth rush into his face. "No, you will not! Get back h—"

But Najma has already begun slinking to Azul's other side, pretending to be interested in his work.

“Do you like cooking, Mr. Azul?” Najma asks, standing next to him.

“I do,” Azul smiles. “I grew up watching my mother cook, and I’ve developed a fondness for it.”

“I grew up cooking with my brother! I enjoy it, too!” Najma smiles back. “The dance that you’re preparing for, will you be helping with the catering?”

“I’m part of the committee that decides on the menu, yes, but I won’t be helping with the actual cooking,” Azul says.

“What kinda food would be there?” Ruggie asks with interest. “Is it gonna be a buffet? I gotta prepare my plan of attack.”

“NRC’s invited! That’s great!” Najma says excitedly.

“Indeed,” Azul smiles. “And yes, it will be a buffet. Drinks and desserts included.”

“Aw heck yeah!” Ruggie says and pops a piece of beef into his mouth. “Oh this is almost done. We’ll have tacos in a minute, kids!”

“Looks like Mr. Ruggie’s pretty hyped about the dance. Maybe you should ask him to be your date,” she says jokingly to Azul, watching carefully for his reaction.

Azul chuckles. “Ah, well, your brother has already asked me that. I’m going to the dance with him.”

Najma gasps softly and her eyes widen.

Ruggie dissolves into a coughing fit, almost choking on the food that he had tasted again. He thumps his chest with his fist a few times.

“WHAT!?” He whips around to stare incredulously at Jamil.

Jamil has his hoodie up, finding the kitchen window extremely interesting to watch right now.

"Jamil?" Azul sounds concerned. "Are you all right? I'm sorry, I... I thought it was alright to mention..." his voice fades out uncertainly.

"It's fine," Jamil says, his small voice trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

Wow, that windowsill is really clean. Whoever dusted that deserves a reward.

The pan sizzles.

"Oh crap," Ruggie says and turns off the stove. "A'right that's enough about Jamil's love life. Now I need y'all to see if this is good enough for vegetable-hating beastmen."

He quickly finishes preparing the tacos and carries the tray to one of the tables.

"Come along, kids."

Najma tugs Jamil by his shirt and they all follow Ruggie.

Jamil ends up sitting next to Najma and across from Azul. Ruggie is sitting next to Azul and across from Najma.

He hears the crunch of taco shells and looks up to see Ruggie and Najma eating already. He sneaks a glance at Azul.

The merman is doing his best to maintain a posture worthy of an RSA student, but his eyes are cast down on his taco that remains uneaten, his fingers tapping restlessly on the shell.

Jamil, still feeling mighty embarrassed, knew that people were eventually going to find out, anyway.

He was able to break the news to Rielle and Floyd, but that was because they phrased it as a platonic date.

Meanwhile, Najma and Ruggie are both operating under the assumption that he asked Azul out in a romantic way, which isn't the case.

And yet he didn't say so and explain himself. He probably should.

But a part of him doesn't want to because he knew it'd be fruitless to convince Najma and he'd just waste his energy.

... Is that really the reason, though?

After what his little sister said, his brain begins to review the moments and signs around him. Taking a step back and viewing it from an outsider's perspective, he has to admit that he can see where she's coming from.

But does he really like Azul that way?

…

He sighs, then takes off his hood and takes a bite of the taco, chewing slowly to properly taste the flavors.

"Oh I love it," Najma says, halfway through her food. "You have nothing to worry about your cubs now."

She turns to Azul. "What do you think, Mr. Azul?"

"Hm?" Azul looks distractedly at Najma. "Oh." He takes a bite of the taco and chews it carefully.

"You've done a good job incorporating the vegetables in," he says to Ruggie. "The texture and taste complement each other, and the cilantro makes it taste more refreshing and less greasy. Though if I may, if your goal is to persuade your dorm mates to eat anything, then presentation is a significant factor. You can plate this taco with some dipping sauce at the side, perhaps even fruit slices if they aren’t opposed to that. If the dish is visually appealing, it would immediately be appetizing at first look."

Ruggie nods. "Yeah, that makes sense. They teach fine dining classes at RSA or something?"

"They do," Azul replies. "Though I learned most of my food knowledge from my mother. She owns a restaurant and pays extra attention to food presentation."

"Ooh! Can we go there?" Najma asks excitedly.

"Ah, it's underwater, so you will need to take potions beforehand to be able to breathe and survive the pressure," Azul explains. "If you're ever willing to go through that trouble, I'm sure my mother would be happy to welcome you."

"Sounds like a good summer plan," Ruggie snickers.

Najma turns to Jamil and pokes his shoulder. "Hey. Can you speak now? You're okay, right?"

"Mm-hm," Jamil hums, though he finished his taco first before saying anything further. "Tasty as always, Ruggie. I'm not sure if the visuals are too necessary, considering who you're feeding it to. Make it too fancy and your members might find it a bit alienating… and then there are those who won't care either way. They're already familiar with how your food tastes, so it's not like they need visual bait to lure them in."

"Psh, you're just saying that 'cause your meals are always brown and boring," Najma huffs, turning to Ruggie as Jamil opens his mouth in offense. "Don't listen to him. Making food look as good as they taste will get you far, I just know it!"

"Then I declare this a success!" Ruggie says, doing a voice that reminded Jamil of Riddle. "Thanks, guys. Even though it's really just Azul who helped with the actual cooking. You got a good one there, Jamil. Don't let him go."

Najma nods vigorously, chewing on her food.

Azul clears his throat. "I think Jamil is becoming quite uncomfortable with the jokes for now. Perhaps we can pick another topic to discuss, such as Ruggie's exceptional talent in the kitchen. If you have any dish you would like to have at the buffet, let me know and I'll tell the rest of the committee. I'm confident we can trust your judgment."

"I'll hold you to that," Ruggie points at him.

"Does it make you uncomfortable, though, Mr. Azul?" Najma says, undeterred. "When we talk about you and Jamil being each other's date for the Autumn Dance?"

Azul looks caught off-guard by the question. He blinks, then opens his mouth to speak—

"Oh my word!" a familiar voice cuts him off, and Jamil looks up to see Crowley approaching their table. "If it isn't RSA's very own Azul Ashengrotto!"

Azul stands up and graciously holds out a hand, his standard polite smile on his face. "Sir Dire Crowley."

Crowley shakes his hand enthusiastically. "Oh how honored I am to be in the presence of a future member of the Coral Sea's royal court!"

Jamil notices that Azul tenses up at that.

"Huh?" Ruggie says. "Azul?"

"Why, yes!" Crowley turns Azul and holds him by the shoulders as if Crowley's presenting him to them. "You're looking at Prince Rielle Triton's royal advisor!"

Crowley lowers his voice to a conspiratorial mumble. "Because it's too early to say whether you'll be his king, hm?" he chuckles merrily, not waiting for Azul to respond. "But no matter! Whether you'll be king of the oceans or a trusted right-hand man, the important thing is you'll have a seat at the royal court! Isn't that right?" he grins expectantly under his mask.

"Yes, sir," Azul nods with a smile. But Jamil has seen his real smile plenty enough times to notice that this one is strained. His eyes are guarded, his jaw too tense.

Azul's posture is perfect, his back straight and his hands behind him. Jamil could just see from this angle that Azul is gripping his left wrist with his right hand, digging his fingernails in as he smiles in supposed agreement with Crowley.

The royal advisor? Future king?

Jamil recalls the brief conversation he had with Azul about his cafe and how hasty he was to drop it.

All of a sudden, pieces started to click together as he stares at the merman in surprise.

"Royal court?" Najma asks, innocently unaware of the hidden layer of tension. "There's a royal family in the bottom of the ocean?"

"Najma, we've been taught this," Jamil mumbles.

"We have..? Oh, right. I remember now. The Tritons! WAIT! You're associated with royalty, Mister Azul!?"

Ruggie lowly whistles. "Dang, welcome to the club."

Azul nods, his polite smile unwavering. "Yes, Prince Rielle is a childhood friend of mine."

"How wonderful, isn't it?" Crowley says. "Well, I shall leave you all to your meals now. Until next time, Mr. Ashengrotto!" he claps Azul on the back and walks away, his cape fluttering behind him.

"Can you point me to the nearest vending machine?" Azul says to no one in particular, looking around. "The taco was quite flavorful, and I should like a drink to wash it down," he gestures to his plate, and Jamil notices the blood on the tips of his fingernails.

Before Jamil could say anything, Ruggie casually gestures over to the hallway outside. "Oh, take a right as soon as you exit and then as long as you keep on walking, you'll eventually find it in a corner leading to the courtyard."

"Thank you," Azul says. "Oh, do any of you want anything from there? My treat, since you were gracious enough to feed me tacos."

"Ooh, I'd like some milk tea, please!" Najma happily chimed in.

Ruggie wrinkles his nose and waves a languid hand in the air. "Any drink's fine, s'long as I don't have to pay for it."

Jamil did not know what to say as he's still trying to figure out a strategy, so he just shakes his head. "M'good..."

Azul nods. "All right, I shall be right back." he turns and leaves the cafeteria.

"Why did you say 'welcome to the club' earlier to Azul?" Najma asks Ruggie. "Are you associated with royalty?"

Ruggie begins rambling about Leona, and Jamil notices that Ruggie doesn't seem to mind talking about him anymore, but he's too lost in his own thoughts to pay much attention.

At some point, Jamil realizes that their chatter has stopped, and he glances up to see them staring at him.

"Well?" Najma asks, lacing her hands under her chin.

"Well what?"

"Are you gonna go and chase after him?"

Jamil squints at her in suspicion. "And why would I do that?"

"Hello? He's set for marriage with a sea prince when YOU have been harboring feelings for him! Are you just gonna let him run away!? Go!"

Jamil scoffs, willing to spite his sister by staying rooted in his seat when he suddenly notices Ruggie's expression.

"You should talk to him," Ruggie gestures with a jerk of his head, looking serious as he taps his nose. "My nose never lies and I smelled metal on his hands when he left. You know something we don't, so go. I think he needs it."

Jamil stares at the hyena before making a nod and standing up to head over to Azul.

"Huh? Wait, what's going on?" Najma asks after she watches her brother leave the room entirely.

"Drama talk, lil' Viper, the hallmark of a true romance," Ruggie grins, slipping back to his easygoing nature.

"Drama talk? My brother!?" Najma remarks, incredulous, before standing up from her seat. "Have you met him, Mister Ruggie!?"

The hyena shrugs. "I know, I know, but take it from me, Jamil ain't that bad at it."

Najma slowly sits back down, looking genuinely doubtful. "Okay... But if they take too long, we're gonna go look for them, alright?"

Jamil goes to the direction of the vending machine that Ruggie mentioned, hoping that Azul really did go there.

He sees him in front of it, hands in his pockets and staring at the machine with an expression too serious for someone who just wants to wash down a taco.

Jamil silently comes up to him, not bothering to hide his presence.

Azul doesn't notice. He's still staring at the glass of the vending machine but not making any movements to purchase anything.

Jamil takes a deep breath.

Then softly, he announces himself. "Hey, you."

Azul gets startled and looks at him. He blinks, and in an instant his posture is proper. That strained smile is plastered on his face again.

"Jamil. Have you changed your mind about the drink? Which one do you want?" Azul looks at the array of options.

"What do I want?"

Jamil leans against the vending machine, hands in his hoodie's pockets as he gives Azul a concerned look.

"I want to hear how you're doing. I can see when you're faking it, you know."

Azul looks conflicted for a moment, then he purses his lips and averts his eyes.

"I'm…" he sighs. "How are you so sure? This is only the fourth time we've even seen each other."

"I know what it's like to put on airs for other people," Jamil replies, then continues more quietly, "Besides, I've gotten to see for myself what a real smile looks like on your face. So…"

Azul meets his gaze, and for a moment there's a glimpse of that real smile.

"There it is," Jamil points out, feeling himself grin, too.

A small laugh bubbles out of Azul, and his shoulders relax. "I think… I just want some time to be… not what everyone expects me to be."

"Then let's do just that," Jamil says encouragingly. "If there's anything NRC's done for me, it's given me the space I needed to do what I wanted to do, so tell me, Azul... What do you desire the most at this very moment?"

Azul furrows his eyebrows in thought, chewing his bottom lip. "I'm not sure, exactly… That sounds bad, doesn't it?" he chuckles softly. "Um… Perhaps I should decide on which drink I want first. And I don't want to keep Ruggie and Najma waiting for theirs."

Jamil shrugs, content to have hopefully at least nudged him in the right direction.

He patiently waits next to the merman as he deals with the machine.

Azul straightens up with four drinks in his arms and hands one to Jamil.

He looks down at the bottle and sees that it's blond roast coffee.

"I remember that it's what you had at the cat café," Azul says. "I thought you might still like it."

"Indeed. My tastes haven't changed since then," Jamil quips. "Thanks. What did you get? Same drink as what you got in the café, too?"

Azul shakes his head. "No, just sparkling water. I don't wanna get something with a lot of calories. Shall we get back to the others?"

Jamil nods. "Let's."

But as soon as they round the corner, they run into Najma and Ruggie, who are trying to look as casual as possible.

"Oh, heeeeeeey, you two!" Najma greets. "We were… uh… just on our way to check up on you! You were taking a while!"

"Ah, my apologies for taking too long," Azul says, handing milk tea to Najma and fruit juice to Ruggie. "Shall we get back inside?"

Jamil squints at the both of them as they receive their drinks, then he relaxes, deciding to let it go for now.

"Actually, why don't we walk around?" he asks Azul and Najma. "Ruggie and I can show you a lot of NRC's facilities that no mere tour guide can provide. What do you two think?"

"That sounds lovely," Azul smiles.

"Oh sure," Najma turns to Ruggie. "He won't be a tour guide for me but when it's for Azul…" she shakes her head and gives Ruggie a look that says, "Can you believe this guy?"

"Ah, young love," Ruggie teases.

Jamil rolls his eyes, ignoring them to walk on ahead.

He leads them out of the main campus building, and as they walk along the steep steps to the lower cliff area, he turns to Azul. "Ah. By the way, what did you and Jade talk about?"

Azul adjusts his glasses. "Jade informed me that he remains the sole member of the Mountain Lovers Club, and he wants to promote it so that more of your schoolmates would be encouraged to join.

I suggested that he put up some sort of shop in Octavinelle, since it would be easier to manage if it's just in his dorm. He mentioned his fondness for mushrooms, and that he could pick them and other various plants when he goes hiking for his club activities. So I proposed that it might be good to cook those mushroom dishes for his dorm mates, perhaps even sell them eventually, and to other students as well if he has the time and manpower for it.

He seemed to like the idea so far, and he said he'd be interested to pursue it and ask for further consultation down the road. I asked him why he didn't just collaborate with his Prefect, especially if it would give funds to their dorm as well. Jade said that his Prefect is too… carefree for his liking."

"... Huh. Interesting," Jamil mutters. This is the first he's ever heard of Jade's own hobbies. It says a lot that he's willing to consult Azul about it of all people. "Guess he went to you for help then because of your business acumen."

Plus there was cooking once more. Azul really likes the idea of setting up a catering business, even if he seems to deny himself of that.

"Do you guys have any Masterchef programs back in RSA?" Jamil asks.

They've gone past the staircase and are now making their way to the windmills and hilly fields to the west of campus.

"We do," Azul replies. "I joined last year because the theme was baking, and it was something that I didn't have much experience with. It required significantly more precision compared to cooking, and it was quite the fun challenge to tackle. How about you? Have you joined any similar programs here?"

Jamil nods, before gesturing to Ruggie as well. "Both of us, though we joined on different themes. I was doing Seafood and Ruggie dealt with Eggs."

"The best part about those programs is the leftovers people make and leave behind," the hyena grins.

"Most of our ingredients are either locally cultivated," Jamil nods to the windmills and the chicken coop nearby. "Or bought from Mr. S's shop."

"Have you been inside Sam's joint, lil' Viper?" Ruggie asks, noticing how she's looking around the area. "Where did yer teacher even tour you around?"

"We went to Mr. S's, yeah," Najma nods. "And before that, our teacher showed us the different areas where club activities happen. We caught the Equestrian Club in their practice, it was so cool! I wanted to see the Board Game Club, too, but they weren't in their classroom earlier."

"Oh hey, I think they might be there now," Ruggie checks his phone for the time. "I was hanging out with Ortho earlier and he said that he had to get back to Idia because Board Game Club activities would be starting. Whaddaya say, fellow tour guide?" he turns to Jamil. "Should we take lil' Viper out to see the Board Game Club?"

Jamil shrugs. "Fine by me. It's Idia who I worry about. Dunno if his heart can take new strangers."

He leads them over straight to the club room, clearly unbothered by the prospect.

When they arrive, the club members are separated into small groups, playing different board games on tables placed around the classroom.

"Greetings!" Ortho zooms in front of them, hovering and waving his hand as a greeting. "I see we have new visitors!"

"Hey, Ortho," Ruggie gives him a high five. "This is Najma, Jamil's lil' sis. And this is Azul, Jamil's… I dunno."

"I have met Azul Ashengrotto, yes!" Ortho nods enthusiastically. "Hello again!"

"Hello again, Ortho Shroud," Azul smiles.

"Oh neat, you know each other," Ruggie says.

"Whoa, are you a robot?" Najma asks in fascination, looking at Ortho up and down.

"You may call me that, yes," Ortho says. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Najma Viper! Is there any board game you'd like to see?"

"Hmm, do you have mancala here?" Najma looks around.

"Searching the web for information about 'mancala'," Ortho stays still while a series of beeps could be heard somewhere from him. "Information acquired! We don't have that exact game, but we have materials we can use as a passable substitution. Shall we proceed?"

"Heck yeah!" Najma runs off with Ortho to one of the vacant tables.

Idia appears, looking down at his tablet. "Hey Ortho, have you seen the—"

He looks up and sees the three of them. "Eep!" he jumps back, putting up his tablet to hide his face. "It's Mr. Jamil and his handsome love interest from the rival school," he mutters. "Why am I in this scene?" He peeks above his tablet to look at Ruggie. "Why did you bring them here?" he says in distress.

"Showing Jamil's handsome love interest around," Ruggie replies. "Careful, Idia. I might think you're the one crushing on our guest here."

Idia shudders. "N-Not a chance. Sparkly guys and gloomy shut-ins like me don't mix. A-Anyway, now that you've seen the club for yourselves, you can go now, right?"

He looks around, spots Ortho and Najma playing, and groans. "You gotta be kidding me. You're staying, and who's THAT?!"

"My sister," Jamil replies. "Her school is conducting a fieldtrip here today."

Idia shrinks into a crouch so that he won't be seen. "A-Ah… I should've figured. You guys got similar-looking f-faces."

"No, we don't," Jamil frowns, confused. "Anyway, looks like we're gonna be here for a while. Hope you don't mind."

"And what if I do?" Idia stammers.

"We'll stay here longer," Ruggie snickers. "Might as well find ourselves something entertaining to do while we're here."

"Is that The Game of Life?" Azul says with interest, pointing to the open board game at a vacant table.

"Y-Yeah," Idia says. "Do you play that?" he asks in a small voice.

"I used to, but it's been a long time." Azul approaches the table. "May I?"

"Huh? Uh, s-sure," Idia says.

Azul picks up the dice and throws them on the board with a flick of his wrist. Each die lands with the six side facing up.

Azul's face brightens as he chuckles. "Still got it."

"Whoa!" Idia hurries towards Azul, forgetting his shyness for a second. "How'd you do that? That's gotta be luck, right?"

Azul just smiles and picks up the dice again. He throws them, and the sides with the six dots are facing up once more.

"NO WAY!" Idia picks up the dice and inspects them. "Did you rig these? What spell is that?"

Azul chuckles and shakes his head. "I used to play this, and there was a time when I practiced how to throw the dice so that they would land with my desired numbers facing up. It took a long time and a lot of math and wrist cramps, but I eventually figured it out," he says proudly.

Idia's jaw drops as he stares at Azul. "That's like, mega-obsessive geek behavior. You played this game a lot?"

Azul nods. "Indeed. Do you like this game as well? Perhaps we can play some time," he smiles at Idia.

Idia falls quiet, and his face goes red and he scurries away, hiding behind Ruggie with his tablet covering the lower half of his face.

"Th-th-there're other games here," he gestures to the other tables. "If you wanna check out any more," his voice fades out and he shrinks behind Ruggie's shoulder.

"Who do you play these dice games with?" Jamil asks Azul, quirking up an eyebrow. "They must feel like quite the unfortunate sap facing against you."

"Rielle," Azul says. "We discovered this game in our freshman year, and I didn't like that I had so little control over the outcome of the dice. He said that it really is up to chance, and I took that as a challenge," he said smugly.

"Like RSA Rielle?" Idia says in surprise, appearing behind Ruggie. "You just casually play board games with the mega-protagonist crown prince?"

"Not anymore," Azul shrugs. "A mega-protagonist crown prince does get busy with princely duties, and I haven't had much free time as well."

"Then consider this a good opportunity to let loose before it's back to busywork," says Ruggie. "Knowing that the chance and dice games can be rigged crosses them outta the list, what sort of board games do you like to play?"

"Hmm," Azul hums thoughtfully. "I like Clue. And Monopoly. Though both games take a long time to play. How about you two?" he looks at Ruggie and Jamil.

"Eh," Ruggie shrugs. "Board games don't really fill my pocket with pay so I don't really dabble on 'em. I heard some really old ones can fetch ya a pretty penny, though!" His eyes begin to roam the club's belongings with greedy interest.

"Ahem," Jamil gives the hyena a pointed look before glancing back at Azul. "Playing either sounds fine with me. Just so you know, I'm not gonna lose so easily."

A smile pulls at the corner of Azul's lips. "Good, it wouldn't be fun otherwise."

"Ugh," Ruggie makes a disgusted sound. "You two don't mind if I don't join you, right? I don't need to be around all this unresolved sexual tension," he gestures with his hands as if indicating something in the air.

"What are you gonna do, then?" Jamil asks. "Those games work better with more people."

Ruggie shrugs. "I dunno. I'll roam around and see if any game interests me."

He walks away and begins looking at the different games that the club members are playing.

"I've never played mancala before," Azul offers. "From what Najma and Ortho are doing, it looks like it only needs two people. Would you mind teaching me?"

"Oh. Well, sure, if that's what you want," Jamil replies. "Like Ortho said, we have to find some substitutes for it first."

And so they do, cobbling up "shells" with the use of dice and bowls after getting (reluctant) permission from Idia.

From there, Jamil lays down the ground rules and the objective of the game, teaching Azul with a calm demeanor and a small demonstration.

Azul understands the game well enough, and they start playing. As he's moving the makeshift shells around the board, his sleeve hikes up a little and reveals the crescent cuts on his wrist from his fingernails. He notices it—Jamil could tell from how he paused for the briefest second and his eyes widened—and smoothly switches the pieces to his right hand and continues his turn. But that only revealed his blood-tipped fingernails, though the amount of blood was little enough that he doesn't seem to know it was there.

"Have you played this game a lot with your sister?" Azul asks casually.

Jamil goes to tear his gaze away from Azul's hand and musters an answer, voice a little tense.

"Right, um… We'd play every once in a while, but then she'd get fed up with losing all the time and find another game that I'd be unfamiliar with or come up with extra rules in the hopes of giving me a handicap."

From nearby, Najma can be heard yelling out in defeat. "I should've known better than to challenge a robot in a game of strategy!"

"Seriously, what is the appeal of this thing?" Ruggie says, sidling up to a pair of students who were engaging in a battle of chess. "I keep getting roped in to play this only to get my ass beat. Oh shit, your horse is vulnerable to that bishop over there."

"Hey! No backseating!" one of the chess players snarl.

"And it's a knight, not a horse!"

"It's a piece in the shape of a horse, what's it matter?" Ruggie scoffs.

Despite the lively atmosphere, Jamil feels tense as he plays the game with Azul at a quiet pace.

Then, as the merman's fingers cross over to Jamil's side in the middle of his turn, Jamil reaches out and gently takes Azul's hand, bringing his blood-tipped nails under close scrutiny.

His expression is contemplative, before he glances up to meet Azul's gaze and quietly asks, "How're you holding up now?"

Azul tenses up when he realizes what Jamil has been looking at on his fingernails.

He averts his eyes for a moment before meeting Jamil's again with a small smile. "Better now, thank you. I didn't realize I'd…" he nods to his fingernails. "I wasn't aware… Does everyone else know?" he asks quietly.

Jamil's thumb lightly brushes against Azul's knuckle. "Only Ruggie. Can't disguise the smell of blood against a beastman, after all… Are you worried he or I would tell anyone?"

Azul lightly shakes his head. "I’m not. It's just, apart from Rielle, no one has really seen me be… vulnerable like this. I'm not entirely sure how to act… Or how to feel."

"... What are you unsure about?" Jamil asks, trying to be careful in his questions as he lets go of Azul's hand to resume play. He looks around to make sure no one had noticed them pausing and whispering to each other.

Azul takes a breath and continues playing, speaking quietly. "If people's perception of me changed, if they think that I'm not as strong or put-together as they first thought… what then? Will their treatment of me change? And if it does, what do I do?" He sighs. "Anyway, we don't have to talk about it. I appreciate you listening.”

Jamil waits until Azul has finished his turn before starting his. "And... I'll be happy to keep listening. If everything on the other side of this island is becoming too much to bear, you can always find me here. But if you want my two cents on the matter, if people think negatively of you just because you want to be yourself, without the title of advisor or future king or RSA student…"

Jamil finishes the last move of his turn, steady and sure. "... Then those people are not worth keeping around."

Azul pauses and stares at him for a moment, then he nods and looks down at the game as he takes his turn.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Azul gets quiet for a few moments, then adds in a lighter tone, "You know, Jamil, it seems like you're always the one listening to my woes and offering to help. I'd feel more comfortable if I could do something for you in return. So if there's anything you need help with, just let me know," he meets Jamil's gaze.

Jamil tilts his head. "I think you've already been doing plenty of helping on your part. You listened to me just like this the previous times we hung out, so if anything, I'm just following your example. But hey…" He grins. "I'll keep your offer in mind. Here's an idea, if everyone keeps bothering you with expectations over there, just do what I did: go to NRC. Maybe it's not too late for a transfer."

Azul looks surprised, then he blinks at Jamil. "Hm, I'd never considered that before. Although," he smiles in amusement, "some of your schoolmates might be opposed to that idea. I'd only been here for less than a day and your spritely resident was already trying to kick me out."

"Buuuut let's not forget the way people reacted when we came back to the cafeteria," Jamil reminds him. "Whatever happened there, I have it on good assumption that they're not gonna try anything funny again for a while. Come on… You can set up your own catering lounge here and everything, give the cafeteria a run for its money."

Azul stares at Jamil, then he says playfully, "When we first came up on that stage and did the obligatory handshake at the start of the quiz, with your death grip and hardened expression, I never would have thought that you'll be persuading me to spend more time in your vicinity."

"What can I say? You're pretty good at changing minds, Ashengrotto," Jamil chuckles. "And if you can sway us stubborn fools here in NRC, maybe the same can be done for the rest of the people you surround yourself with."

Azul raises his eyebrows and lets out a laugh of disbelief. "And how ever did I change your mind? Did you like the beach cove that much?"

"It was during the cat café that I began to see you in a different light. It's true that you're more pleasant and nicer than the company I keep," Jamil gestures with his head to the situation behind Azul, where Ruggie's running from the chess players after popping a piece in his mouth out of spite, while Idia is crouching under a desk to hide and Ortho's ignoring the ruckus to play a luck-based game with Najma instead. "But I've begun to think that that may not be a bad thing."

He shoots Azul a playful narrowed glare. "Ah, but I still got a reputation to keep here, so they're free to think whatever they like about you and I hanging out together as long as you don't spill how sappy I get when talking with you."

Azul looks down and laughs, his cheeks becoming a bit pink. He clears his throat and looks at Jamil.

"And what reputation is that, Viper? Are you supposed to be an aloof and mysterious figure here?"

"Hah, pretty much. Also clever and capable and composed, but unfortunately, I feel like you've already seen past all of it," Jamil snickers, then glances down at the board, now emptied except for both far ends. "In the meantime, at least you haven't beaten me in this just yet."

"You are clever and capable and composed," Azul says, leaning back in his chair. "I don't think people would stop seeing you that way, no matter who you hang out with."

"But they also think I'm constantly ready to stab someone in the gut if they go so far as to look at me wrong, which I'm perfectly okay with, and yet…" Jamil leans back in his seat, too. "It's gonna be hard maintaining that reputation when your… energy is infectious. When you smile... really smile… how can I not smile along? Now I still haven't decided if it's a virus RSA students carry or… if it's just you bringing that out of me."

Surprise is evident in Azul's eyes, and he's blushing even brighter. He looks down and chuckles shyly. "So you… You really don't mind that people know about us… hanging out?" He looks at Jamil again, and Jamil senses in his tone that he was going to say something other than 'hanging out'.

Jamil's gaze softens. "I had to wrap my head around it for a bit when my own family member started joking around, but… No. No, I don't mind at all." 

"Sevens," Idia says in the distance, utterly baffled and muttering to himself. "They've been staring at each other several minutes after their game has already concluded… Can't be me, fr fr." 

Azul's posture relaxes and he smiles. "I'm glad you don't. Because… I've recently discovered that there is an aviary in town. And I was wondering… Perhaps you'd like to go there with me?"

Jamil blinks at him, shock blooming on his face.

"Huh? Is this… because of the bird thing I mentioned?"

"Yes," Azul smiles sheepishly. "You're not allowed to keep a pet bird here so I thought, perhaps we could go to them instead. But, it was just an idea, we don't have to, forget I said anything," he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.

"Hey, hey, let's do the forgetting once you've actually heard me reject you now," Jamil jokes, knowing full well he'd say the same thing in Azul's shoes. "And there's no rejections from me here. It's, well... I'm definitely looking forward to it." He smiles, both genuinely excited to see birds yet also embarrassed that Azul even bothered to remember and do something to make him happy.  "But first, what's your reason for continuing to hang out with me?"

Azul raises an eyebrow. "You don't hear me asking such questions. Even when you've been persuading me to move across the island just to be in the same school as you," he says jokingly.

"Whoa, I didn't say that just because I want to be with you. I was also suggesting it for your own personal interests," Jamil defends, only to realize a moment later that he had just admitted that he wants Azul to transfer to spend more time with him.

Jamil clears his throat. "Besides, I think I already told you that I enjoy your company, so going along with invites like these feels natural, doesn't it?"

"... It does," Azul holds his gaze. "And… I want to keep hanging out with you because…" he shrugs lightly. "You make me really happy. You say that you smile when I smile genuinely, but… you should know that just being with you is enough to make that happen. And I really like seeing your smile, too. It suits you."

…

Jamil tries to keep that steady reassured look on his face, but his darkening cheeks and his fingers itching for his hood gives much away.

"Okay, srsly, guys, no PDA allowed in the Board Game Clubroom. What are you trying to do? Rub it in our faces?" Idia groans, though he's still doing nothing to physically put an end to it. "Also can someone kick Sir Ruggie out already before he starts eating up our game pieces?"

"I'm on it, brother!" Ortho salutes, hovering up and pausing at Azul and Jamil's side. "Will you two be accompanying Mister Ruggie and Miss Najma in their departure?"

"Oh, we could, yes," Azul says. "We've completed our game, after all." He looks at Jamil. "Shall we go with them?"

Jamil nods and begins to stand. "All right, let's."

He glances out to the windows. "Are you needed back at RSA anytime soon?"

Azul shakes his head. "No. I have until 5 PM until I need to go back. How about you? Do you have any plans since today is a half day for you?"

"Nah," Jamil says. "My plans had been to meet up with you, which now evolved into me being an advanced tour guide."

As they exit the room, much to the club members' relief, he then turns to his companions and asks, "So, where do the visitors wanna go next?"

"Can we look at the horses again?" Najma asks excitedly.

"Club activities are prolly done now," Ruggie says. "But we can still go to the stables."

Najma turns to Jamil with a hopeful grin. "Do you think I can ride a horse?"

Jamil gives her a stern look but sighs. "I suppose… if the club leader is still there, then we can try to ask for permission, but no promises."

"You wanna ride horses, lil' Viper?" Ruggie asks, acting more like a friendlier big brother than Jamil does. "What about our RSA buddy over here?"

"I do have some training in horse-riding," Azul adjusts his glasses. "Though I am a tad concerned that I might not be wearing proper riding clothes."

"Don't sweat it, man," Ruggie says. "You're fine. Let's go!"

They continue to walk under the hot afternoon sun, passing by students having picnics, jogging, or making their way to club activities.

Ruggie turns to Jamil as they're nearing the field. "You gonna want a horse, Jamil?"

"I'm not really interested in riding horses," Jamil muttered. "But I can at least be on standby to babysit these two if I have to. How about you?"

"Nah, I'll just be hanging around. Oh look Riddle's here," Ruggie says when they reach the stables. "Hey, Riddle!"

Riddle turns around from brushing his horse. "Ruggie, Jamil. What brings you here?" he glances at their two friends.

"Azul Ashengrotto?" Riddle says in mild surprise, before turning to Najma. "And I'm guessing you are Jamil's relative? I must say you're quite the interesting group," he says to Jamil.

Jamil eyes Riddle, noting his calmer demeanor compared to how he normally had been until recently.

He had always wondered how that came to be. There were rumors about it, too, but... nothing concrete.

"Hello, Riddle," Jamil greeted. "My sister and Azul are here to visit and, well... I apologize for the trouble, but—"

Najma hops up the fence a little to take a closer look at the horses, starry-eyed. "Can I ride on one of these things, Mister Riddle?"

"I do have the authority to grant you permission, but…" he furrows his eyebrows in thought then looks at all of them. "Do you all want to ride a horse? Do any of you have any experience or training at all?"

"I ain't riding, don't worry," Ruggie says. "Just here to chaperone, sir."

"I've had some experience in Knight Class," Azul says.

"Night class?" Ruggie asks in confusion. "Your evening classes teach you horse-riding?"

"Not 'night' as in 'evening'," Riddle frowns in exasperation. "Royal Sword Academy has a class elective where they can train to be a knight." He turns to Jamil. "Do you and your sister have any sort of training?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to call it training, but I do have experience," Jamil replies. "I'm also here to chaperone, though. It's Najma who wants to try."

"I dunno how to ride horses just yet," the girl shakes her head. "But I can start learning! Can you teach me, Mister Riddle?"

Riddle raises an eyebrow, and there's something that almost looks like a smile on his face. "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I can only teach you for no longer than 20 minutes, all right? I have other duties to attend to."

"Got it, Mister Riddle! Thank you!" Najma beams.

"And you, Azul? Would I be correct to assume you do not need any guidance?" Riddle asks him.

Azul smiles politely. "Indeed. I shall not be doing anything complex nor dangerous. I can assure you that I will keep the horse safe. And I would not want to take any time away from Najma's training."

Riddle nods. "Very well. If you do happen to need any guidance, perhaps you can ask Jamil, seeing as he has some knowledge of it as well."

Jamil notices how Riddle takes note of Azul's NRC blazer. Riddle looks at Jamil curiously, then turns to Najma.

"Miss Viper, if you'll follow me," Riddle leads her to one of the horses and explains that it's one of the calmest and most suited for beginners.

"Riddle's in a good mood today," Ruggie says. "Imma go ask him if he'll tip me if I clean up here and brush the horses," he jogs over to Riddle and Najma.

Jamil watches Ruggie trot away before glancing back at Azul.

"So… Knight classes, huh? Is that a mandatory part of the curriculum?"

"No," Azul shakes his head. "It's an elective, but I was expected to take it as one of Rielle's close friends. Those who surround him must be able to protect him and themselves to some degree."

Azul starts walking and looking at the horses. "Are you sure you won't be riding? What will you be doing in the meantime?"

"Watching you and Najma ride around. It's fine… Why? Do you want me to ride along?" Jamil asks, leaning against the fence.

"It’s up to you," Azul stops in front of a brown and white stallion. "I'm just not sure if I'm comfortable with the thought that I'm the one who asked you to hang out today and yet you'll merely be standing around and, in your own words, babysitting," Azul smiles at him. "I want you to have fun as well."

"Hmm… Would you show me some stuff you learned from Knight Class if I join in?"

Azul's looks caught off-guard. "It's not nearly as cool as you might think, I warn you. It might not be so different from what you've already learned as a retainer."

Jamil playfully sighs, glancing away. "Then it looks like I must continue to hone my retainer skills by keeping a watchful eye over you and Najma from here…"

"Oh come now, that's not what I meant," Azul says gently, stepping in front of Jamil. "I was just worried you'll get bored if I just prattle on about things you might already know."

Jamil looks at him once more. "Let me be the judge of that.” A part of him feels sure much of Azul's prattling wouldn't bore him, anyway. "Shall we get ourselves some horses, then?"

Azul smiles. "We shall."

After readying their horses, they mount them and begin at a trot across the hill.

Azul tells Jamil about the proper ways to hold the reins and about encouraging the horse to move or stop without hurting it or making it feel tense. Jamil already knows about most of it, as Azul had guessed, but it was a nice refresher, and nicer to listen to Azul explain it.

"Usually the basics end there," Azul says. "But in RSA, we must also learn to wield at least one weapon or shield while on a moving horse."

Azul lets go of the reins with one hand and raises his Magic Pen to demonstrate. "It's a little trickier to keep one's balance when holding something heavy–though we don't have anything like that right now so I'm just using my pen as a stand-in. A more advanced lesson is learning how to accurately shoot a bow and arrow from a moving horse. I never quite learned that one," Azul says in amusement.

"Interesting . . ." Jamil attempts to picture Azul wielding a weapon to battle. It's a strange image, but still rather intriguing. "Are people like Rielle also participating in this elective, too?"

Azul nods. "Our professors in that class have higher expectations from nobility, which is saying a lot considering their expectations for the rest of us already. Though I don't envy Rielle his more rigorous training, he does make for a rather formidable sparring partner. "

"It really does sound like training for knights," Jamil commented. "Have you guys ever been told what it was all for? If it were me, I'd suspect there to be something afoot."

"Rielle is a crown prince," Azul begins. "For people like him, it's to prepare him in case he would need to fight in actual battles for his kingdom. For people like me–those who are expected to always accompany nobility–it's so we would be able to defend them in case of an assassination attempt or any other attack. Then there are those who aspire to be knights in the future. If they receive good marks in that class, it would significantly help their applications after graduation."

To aspire for a job Jamil had been trying to get out of sounds absurd. If he ever finds those hopefuls, he'd tell them they could just swap positions. That way, everyone would be happy.

Now that he thinks about it, they remind him of that First Year, Sebek Zigvolt. Completely wild.

"So someone told you to take the elective because you were Rielle's friend?"

Azul averts his eyes and looks straight ahead. "More like they all assumed I would take it because I'm Rielle's closest friend. His father was looking forward to the both of us going to RSA, saying that the Knight Class there would be very useful to us. Most of our professors said the same thing in our first week at RSA."

Jamil gave him an unimpressed look. "... So you took it."

Azul smiles sadly, keeping his eyes on the horizon. "There is no need to sound so disappointed, Jamil. I know what I did." Then his smile changes into a friendlier one, and his voice sounds upbeat when he speaks. "Come on, I'll race you to the top of that hill. Hiyah!" he snaps the reins, digs his heels into the horse's sides, and it gallops away.

Jamil sighs and speeds along after him, taking in the breeze as he watches Azul ahead.

He supposes there's little he can do considering this is the life his friend chose.

But it's still frustrating watching him just accept it lying down.

He spurs his horse onward to keep a steady pace with Azul's, making sure not to lag too far behind but not close enough to make the other speed faster.

Upon reaching the top of the hill, Azul doesn't slow down. He turns his horse around and veers towards the obstacle course that the Equestrian Club uses for their activities.

His jaw is set and there's an intensity in his eyes as he glares ahead, leaning forward on his horse and speeding up.

Azul reaches the first hurdle, and the stallion clears it easily. They go through the course, Azul going for the more advanced hurdles, the horse leaping higher and farther, Azul ducking and dodging the wooden planks.

Jamil stays close by, briefly figuring that he doesn't want to risk the hurdles if he doesn't know how capable his horse is.

But then he manages to get a brief glance at Azul's expression, and wordlessly, he urges his steed to go for it. He's not going to let Azul take the win that easily.

Jamil's horse clears the hurdles, though the blinding glare of the sun proves to be a challenge at some points. Fortunately, the wind is refreshing enough that he can keep his focus.

As he catches up to Azul at the end of the course, he sees him clutching the reins so tightly that his knuckles have gone pale. His head is bowed down and his eyes are closed as he breathes heavily.

The horse is just standing now, but it keeps shifting on its hooves restlessly, as if sensing its rider's tension.

Jamil slows his horse down, eyeing both the rider and steed ahead of him to spot anything off. Are they injured?

"What's wrong?"

As he walks closer, he doesn't see any injuries on either of them, but Azul isn't responding, his forehead beaded with sweat.

Azul takes a sharp intake of breath and his eyes fly open, only for them to roll back in his head as his body slumps, and he begins to slide off the horse.

"Whoa!" Jamil hisses, dashing forth to catch him before he completely slid out. "Azul!?"

Jamil has one hand around Azul’s shoulders while he leans limply against Jamil’s chest, remaining seated on his own horse.

It's difficult having to calm both horses at once, but Jamil isn't a stranger to calming down animals.

Hooves sounded in the distance, and Jamil looks to see Riddle and Najma on horses quickly approaching them.

"What happened?" Riddle asks when they reach them, his eyes falling on Azul’s unconscious form against Jamil. "Let's set him on the ground, we can't risk him falling off and breaking his neck."

Riddle takes out his Magic Pen and gently levitates Azul and places him on the grass.

Ruggie runs up to them, holding the brush that he’s been using for the horses. "Whoa! What happened to him?"

"Is he injured?" Najma asks worriedly from her horse.

Jamil hops off his own horse and states, "Stand back" as he tries to figure out what's wrong.

Azul's pulse is racing, and his skin is feverish to the touch. At the very least, Jamil doesn't see any cuts or bruises.

Then Azul's eyes flutter open, and his face cringes as he puts a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. "What happened?" he asks, his voice hoarse.

"A heat stroke, maybe," Jamil mutters, moving to shade Azul from the sun shining overhead. Despite his worry, he maintains a calm composure. "How're you feeling? Can you sit?"

"Were you not aware you were feeling unwell before you decided to ride a horse?" Riddle asks, frowning.

Azul sits up with a grunt. "I wasn't feeling unwell at all. Though perhaps it wasn't a good idea to exert myself so much on a hot day without wearing breathable clothing. Merfolk don't exactly thrive under the sun."

He glances up in confusion. "Isn't it raining, though? I thought I heard something… dripping…" he closes his eyes and shakes his head as if to clear it, then opens his eyes again. "Never mind. I must have imagined it."

Riddle tenses up at Azul's remark.

Ruggie suddenly kneels down next to Azul. "You haven't been using your magic just now, have you? Where's your Magic Pen?" he asks, almost in a panic.

Azul furrows his eyebrows and shows his pen to Ruggie. "I haven't been using my magic. Why?"

Ruggie inspects the magestone on Azul’s pen, then sighs in relief. He falls silent, shakes his head, and stands up again beside Riddle while averting his eyes.

Riddle gives Ruggie a curious look, his frown deepening. He turns to Azul.

"We should have you checked at the infirmary. As the person who gave you permission to get a horse and use this area for riding, this is my responsibility. I shall return Najma’s horse to the stables and then we shall head out.” Riddle is looking at Azul and Jamil imperatively, letting them know that there is no room for arguments.

Azul sighs. "All right," he stands up and brushes dirt from his clothes.

The Viper siblings throw each other a look of concern before Jamil helps Najma off her horse and they both follow.

"Can we come, too? I was the one who wanted to go horse-riding, after all. If I'd known…" Najma asks, nervously fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"Oh, it's all right, Young Viper," Azul says with a kind smile, gently patting Najma on the head. "It was my decision to go horse-riding myself, and none of us could have predicted what happened."

"You may come along if you wish," Riddle says. “Just be certain not to get in the way."

Both Vipers nod and they quietly wait for Riddle and Ruggie to return the horses back to their stables before they head to the infirmary.

While they’re all waiting outside for Azul as the nurse had instructed, Riddle approaches Jamil and Najma, looking at the latter.

"Najma, Azul would need to be sufficiently hydrated. Would you go to the vending machine out in the corridor and buy him two cold bottles of water? You may get whatever food or drink you want as well," he hands Najma some thaumarks.

Najma straightens up and accepts the money, nodding with a determined look on her face. "Yes, Mr. Riddle!" She runs off.

Riddle watches her disappear around the corner before turning to Jamil.

"What exactly happened before he fainted?" Riddle asks, looking troubled.

Jamil looks down the hall where his sister had run off, then he turns to Riddle. "He got really into his horse-riding, as far as I can tell. He just looks like he overexerted himself, though it was pretty sudden.” He notices the crease between Riddle’s eyebrows, the worried look on his normally composed features. “You know something, don't you?"

Riddle purses his lips. "Were you two talking about anything in particular before he started on the obstacle course? I saw that he had done even the advanced hurdles."

Jamil wonders if it was wise to divulge to others something so personal to Azul, so he decides to be vague. "If you want details, you may have to ask him, but… We did have a conversation about his… complicated feelings over his situation as an RSA student."

The frown on Riddle's face remains. He turns to Ruggie, who is leaning against the wall a little far from them, lost in thought.

"Ruggie."

Ruggie startles at Riddle's voice, then he walks over to them. "Yeah?"

Riddle looks at Ruggie, as if taking the time to weigh his words before saying them.  "Why did you ask Azul if he had been using his magic?"

Ruggie looks down and shifts on his feet. "I dunno…" he mumbles.

"You're suspecting the same thing, aren't you?" Riddle says, impatience coloring his voice.

Ruggie winces as if Riddle had shouted at him, even though the Prefect had maintained his calm volume.

"I could be wrong," Ruggie says uneasily. "It was just the first thing that came to mind, that's all. Guess I'm still a little paranoid…" he rubs the bandages on his arm.

Riddle sighs and shakes his head. "This isn't good at all," he mutters.

"What? What're you both on about?" Jamil asks, glancing back and forth between the two before eyeing Ruggie's injured arm. "Wait… You're not saying this is related to… There's no way."

Riddle raises an eyebrow at him. "'No way'? Let me remind you that Overblots are supposed to be extremely rare, and yet we've had two already happen in this school in less than three months. You're not a fool, Jamil; you must have heard the rumors and pieced them together. This mindset of 'there's no way' is what has left us all ill-prepared in the first place."

Riddle starts to pace the floor, muttering. "The Headmage really should be doing something more about this…"

Ruggie snorts. "Crowley? Yeah, good luck relying on that guy for anything."

Jamil stares at Riddle. "Then it's true. You went through an Overblot, too… Wait, but what makes you think Azul's in danger of the same thing?" he points out. "Did you or Leona have fainting episodes, too?"

Riddle stops pacing in front of Jamil. "Indeed, it's true," he says grimly. "But I don't know Azul Ashengrotto well enough to judge if he's about to go through the same thing. I didn't have fainting spells, but nearing my Overblot, there were moments when… I felt myself slipping away. And then the dripping sound…" Riddle looks away, his face strained from the memories.

"It was the same thing for Leona," Ruggie mumbles. "I dunno if he heard any dripping sound, but whenever he got too upset about having to defeat Malleus, it's like he turned into a different person. He's always been a pain in the ass and his snarls are practically a part of his personality, but leading up to his Overblot, sometimes it's like he lost control of himself. It wasn't loud or anything, and I don't think anyone else noticed. But he was… different." Ruggie shakes his head. "I can't explain it."

"It's the conflict," Riddle says, his voice quiet. "There were times when I could feel the darkness growing within me. I had to fight it with every ounce of my being, and as we all know, I didn't entirely succeed…" he looks down at his hand, a distant look in his eyes. He suddenly looks up at Jamil. "In the moments before he fainted, what was Azul like?"

Jamil furrows his eyebrows in thought. The sad smile, followed by the intense (frustrated?) look in Azul's eyes. "Azul's usually what you'd expect from an RSA student: pleasant, polite, competent... But for such a capable guy, he seems to carry a sense of... resignation when it comes to his future. People expect a lot out of him, most of which I suspect he doesn't wanna do at all, and he gets a bit more morose whenever he's reminded of it."

Riddle and Ruggie exchange worried glances.

"Damn," Ruggie says to no one in particular. "That sounds awfully familiar, don't it?"

"Jamil," Riddle says urgently. "Right before he fainted, did Azul seem uncharacteristically angry or frustrated? How was he in his last few seconds of consciousness?"

"It was hard to say since he was riding ahead of me, but in the few moments I did catch a glimpse of him, I suppose he did seem a little intense. I thought he was just determined to win." Jamil responds. "Then when I was heading over, he looked like he was concentrating on something, since he was tense and had his eyes closed. Then he gasped and fainted. Does that mean anything? I figured he was getting dizzy at the time."

"Tense and concentrating?" Ruggie looks at Riddle and Jamil in turn. "Like the conflict that Riddle mentioned?"

"He could just be getting dizzy," Riddle frowns, then shakes his head in defeat. "I don't know. It's extremely difficult to determine these things, given the unfortunate lack of research on the subject. It would be better if we could also speak to Leona about this, but I doubt he would be so inclined to discuss the subject."

Riddle looks at Jamil. "To be on the safe side, do what you can to see to it that Azul doesn't repress his negative feelings so much. He must be able to talk about them and accept them. Letting such feelings fester will not be good for him, regardless of an Overblot."

"Wait," Ruggie says. "Only powerful mages are in danger of Overblotting, right? Because of how much magic they can produce? Is Azul that powerful?" he asks Jamil.

Jamil frowns. Azul's smart and strong, but Jamil can't say he's seen much of his powers firsthand to conclude anything concrete.

"I think you're better off asking the Leech twins or Prince Rielle. They have known the guy much longer, and the twins told me that Azul had a magic contract business when they were younger."

The sound of footsteps approaches, and Najma appears, holding a bag of drinks.

"I used my money for the others, Mr. Riddle," she says as she hands bottled drinks to all of them and returns some change of thaumarks to Riddle. "How's Mr. Azul?"

The door to the infirmary opens. "Better now, thank you," Azul says with a small smile, closing the door behind him. "It seems like it really was just exhaustion and the heat. I hope I didn't worry you too much.”

Jamil searches Azul's face for any sort of fabrication. He doesn't seem like he's lying, though his eyes look tired.

Then Jamil glances at Riddle and Ruggie, gauging their reactions. Are they going to tell him?

"Hey, I'm glad you're okay, Azul!" Ruggie says. "Welp, hate to have to end it on this note, but I got some chores to do at Savanaclaw, so, see ya!" he waves at them and jogs away.

Riddle straightens up and smiles at Azul. "Indeed, I am glad to see that you are well. I must get back to my dorm now. It was nice to have made your acquaintance, Azul Ashengrotto. Najma has purchased drinks for you to stay hydrated," he gestures to Najma. "Until next time," he nods to Azul and turns to leave.

Azul nods and smiles back, and turns to Najma for the drink.

Riddle pulls Jamil aside. "He's your friend," he says quietly. "You decide what to tell him.” then he leaves without another word.

"Me?" Jamil mumbles in surprise. They were the ones who saw the signs to begin with. Why're they dumping the responsibility on his shoulders?

He huffs in troubled exasperation, before turning to Azul and Najma.

"... Are you sure you're feeling all right?" he asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Azul nods. "I am. I hope I didn't put too much of a damper on the hangout."

"Not at all!" Najma says reassuringly. "I need to go too, because my teacher is looking for me. One of my classmates just texted," she holds up her phone. "Are you really okay now, Mr. Azul?"

"Yes, Miss Najma. It was nice to have met you today." Azul says, smiling. "Take care in going back to your classmates."

Najma turns to Jamil. "Will you be okay?" she casts a sideways glance at Azul.

"Obviously," Jamil utters. "I'm your big brother, aren't I? I'd be setting a bad example otherwise. Now run along and don't get yourself into trouble."

"No promises," Najma grins and runs off.

"We still have some time," Azul says. "Any other places you wanna show me?" he smiles.

"I'm thinking we should inform one of your friends in RSA about what happened so that there's someone else there who can monitor you and do follow-ups, just to be safe," Jamil replies. "I'm surprised you still want to walk around after what happened."

Azul furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "It was just exhaustion, wasn't it? It was my fault for going through that obstacle course in such restricting clothing," he shakes his head. "Oh, speaking of which, perhaps you can direct me to your laundry room? I dirtied your blazer from when I was lying down on the grass.”

Jamil shakes his head. "There's no need. I can have that washed myself. More importantly, it's better to be safe than sorry when it comes to stuff like this. What if it's got something to do with your transition into a human? Or maybe you've been lacking in sleep or food or water. What's wrong with having a friend or two keep an eye on you to make sure no further symptoms occur?"

Azul looks caught off-guard by Jamil’s remarks. "All right, then perhaps we can find a place to just sit, and you can tell me what exactly happened? I'm still a little confused…"

"How much can you recall?" Jamil asks as he leads Azul to a bench by the courtyard.

"I remember leading my horse to the top of the hill," Azul says as they sit down. "Then going through the obstacle course…?" he frowns, as if suddenly uncertain. Then something else mixes with the confusion in his expression. Apprehension? Fear?

"Hey," Jamil softly calls out to him through what he can only imagine is the darkness in his head. He reaches out to brush his hand against the other boy's fingers, holding onto them. "Talk to me. It's okay."

Azul turns to him, his tense posture relaxing gradually.

He shakes his head in confusion and looks down. "I remember being upset… at our conversation about the Knight Class. And then I was… angry? I only remember bits and pieces of the obstacle course, I don't even entirely recall deciding to go there…" his voice fades out into a whisper.

He falls quiet for a moment, looking more and more troubled. "I'd never felt such anger before, the selfish kind that urged me to do whatever I wanted, without thought for anyone else. Normally I would have asked Riddle for permission before using the obstacle course. I could have hurt the horse, too." He looks at Jamil. "How did I get on the ground? Did I fall off?"

"I caught you before you could," Jamil mumbles. "Riddle used magic to set you down after.”

"Oh, thank you. I should have thanked Riddle as well," Azul says, glancing at the direction of the infirmary before turning back to Jamil.

“You looked feverish, like you were having a nightmare…” Jamil continues. “Do you know what or who you were angry towards?"

"I don't remember why I was angry… What do you think is happening? Have you ever seen anything like this before?" Azul's eyes are looking at him with worry.

Jamil has the sense that Azul is used to always understanding everything, and this unknown situation is scaring him.

He really wishes that the ones who actually went through the experience were here. They would have explained it much better than he can.

"I don't know myself, but Riddle and Ruggie seem to recognize the signs. They think you're accumulating Blot at an unexpected rate. Ruggie was wondering if you've been using a lot of magic recently, while Riddle thinks it's got something to do with your psyche." The images of sad smiles and nails dug into skin appear Jamil’s mind. "Azul... you're more upset about your situation than you let on, aren't you?"

Azul looks at him in confusion. "My situation? What do you mean? And Blot accumulation? We have our Magic Pens to control such things, right? An Overblot hasn't been heard of in centuries."

Jamil lets out a humorless laugh. "You can say that to Riddle and Ruggie's faces. I wasn't around when it happened but it occurred to Riddle himself while a friend of Ruggie's Overblotted a few weeks later. You have to take it seriously. Those injuries on Ruggie's arm hadn't just come from a random accident and so far we've been lucky there's been no casualties yet. We're not gonna start now."

"WHAT!?" Azul's eyes widen in shock. "Two Overblots in the span of mere weeks? What did Sir Crowley do?"

Jamil pauses before he shrugs. "I don't know. As far as I was concerned, those incidents had only been rumors until they confirmed it to me personally because they were worried about you."

Azul just stares at him in surprise. Then he blinks a few times. "I see. So they both think I might be having symptoms of an impending Overblot?" he chews his lower lip in worry. "Can you ask Riddle Rosehearts if I can have his contact information? I'd like to speak with him further about it in the future."

"All right," Jamil takes his phone out. It's funny; he's had Riddle’s number since they became fellow Prefects, but he's never found reason to use it until now. He texts the other Prefect for permission to forward his number to Azul. Then he glances up at the merman. "So… Do you think their worries hold any sort of merit, or..?"

"I'm not sure," Azul says. "I'd never known anyone who has Overblotted before, and I haven't done any research about it. It still baffles me that your Headmage hasn't seem to have done anything."

Azul frowns and lowers his voice. "Now that I think about it, he was the one who had started the anger I'd been feeling today." He looks at Jamil then hurriedly says, "Oh, I apologize! I didn't mean to speak ill of your Headmage. It's just that… I think I had started to feel the… darkness… after all the things he said at the cafeteria."

"Feel free to speak ill of him as much as you like," Jamil responds. "It's refreshing to see someone so innocent understand how our Headmage's actually like. More importantly, that's the thing, isn't it? He may have said all that and unknowingly upset you, but the fact that it upset you to begin with means that this is going back a long way. I'm willing to bet Crowley's not the first person to tell you those things and he probably won't be the last."

Azul averts his eyes. "Yes. But at present, I don't see what I can do about it." He looks at Jamil again. "Are you sure this is how you'd like for us to spend our time together? I don't want to burden you with my worries."

"I was the one who asked, right?" Jamil says, reclining into as comfortable a position as he can get. "Sometimes you just gotta vent it out, and I'm pretty sure you dealt with my burdens the past few times we were together."

For the first time in a long while, Azul smiles. It's a small one, but it's not sad or resigned, and it actually reaches his eyes. He sighs. "I'm not even sure where to begin, it feels like everyone has had these expectations from me for as long as I can remember. And I know it's likely just as hard for Rielle, that's why I do stay by his side whenever I can. Why I take the Knight Class, why I'm not entirely opposed to being his advisor in the future. Ever since we were children, we've been each other's breathing room. We always knew that the other would accept us for who we are no matter what everyone else expects. I don't want to just leave him alone to deal with all of that." Azul looks down.

Jamil listens, quiet. ".... Does that mean Rielle knows about your frustrations regarding this situation, too? Or did you keep that one secret because you wanted to spare his feelings?"

Azul is silent for a moment. "I don't know how to tell him," he mutters. "I don't want him to blame himself, he already has a lot to deal with. It's easier for me to get out of RSA and find somewhere else to breathe like today. He doesn't have such a luxury. He's even busier these days with the dance coming up next week."

"But he's your friend, isn't he? Wouldn't he want to know if he or his situation is causing you distress, too?" Jamil points out.

Azul looks at him curiously. "Are you always this emotionally mature? Then why do you claim that your schoolmates see you as someone who would stab a person in the gut for looking at you the wrong way?" he says playfully.

"Because I would," Jamil hums nonchalantly. It's unclear whether he means it or not. "If you want, I can start doing that to the next 'Crowley' that tries to tell you who you have to be. Sorcerer knows I already hear enough of that spiel from the grown-ups back home."

Azul chuckles. "I must say, no one has ever offered to stab anyone for me. And, interestingly, it's one of the nicest things that someone has ever said to me. You really are special, Jamil Viper," he gazes right into Jamil's eyes.

Jamil seems to flinch in surprise at the compliment before awkwardly looking away. "... We're getting off-track. What will you do now that you're aware of the danger?"

Azul sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "The first thing to do would be to speak to Rielle. Any decision I make would affect him." He glances at his watch. "And I must be getting back to RSA now."

He takes off Jamil’s blazer and hands it to him, smiling. "Thank you for today, Jamil. It didn't quite go as either of us expected but… I'm glad you don't mind."

Jamil shakes his head as he takes his blazer. "It's all right, I…"

I'm just worried about you.

"... I just hope you look after yourself better, even if it means being selfish. Don't be a stranger now. You can always hit me up with a text. When you do, we can make up for it next time."

"I look forward to it." Azul stands up. "After all, I still have to get my revenge on you at mancala," he smiles playfully.

"And you have to apologize to the horse you rode for fainting on him without warning." Jamil stands up in succession. "I'll see you to the gate, at least. Come on."

When they reach the gate, Azul turns to Jamil.

"I'll be busy this week because of the Autumn Dance preparations. The next time we'll be seeing each other would most likely be at the dance itself on Saturday. But if you wanna talk, you can always send me a message."

Jamil nods. "The same offer extends to you. It was nice seeing you, Azul..." he says, but he still has a worried look in his eyes. "Take care, all right? Don't let everyone else tell you who you are."

A smile pulls at the corner of Azul's lips, and he tilts his head curiously at Jamil. "How do you feel about hugs?"

Jamil tenses up. "I'm… not really used to physical affection. That's more Najma and Kalim's thing."

Azul nods and smiles in understanding. "I'll keep that in mind. See you at the Autumn Dance, Jamil."

He turns around and walks away.

Jamil watches his slowly retreating form, knowing there's a part of him that wants to tug Azul back and embrace him.

But he hesitates.

And then the moment is gone.

"... See you at the Autumn Dance."

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who's been reading this lil' AU of ours! Feel free to let us know what you think in the comments! We'd love to hear your thoughts ^_^

<- Chapter 3

Chapter 5 ->

(Masterlist)

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

So I hope you don’t mind my rant 🪻

Basically Ive been fighting my undiagnosed issue for years. I dont feel valid enough to call it an ED. But basically I went through a very stressful time years ago leading me to severely restrict my intake and only eat one meal a day which obviously lead to weekly binges. I purged everyday for several months. Lost a significant amount of weight. When the stressor left I maintained my new lower weight . the behavior persisted for years albeit to a lesser extent.

I had come to a place where while self conscious i was somewhat healthy. I ate well and enjoyed cooking and baking. I had treats without worries. I loved dancing and actually had energy to exercise and adored it. I did struggle with a constant urge to exercise though. Id been purge free for an entire year and I have been binge free for a few years

April comes and the stress of that time throws me back into restriction. At first I tell myself its okay. I make an effort to harm reduce and I eat three meals a day. Even with taking vitamins and exercising and losing weight the so called healthy way I have stomach pains and bloating, Im exhausted.

It continues and worsens and I restrict lower and lower. Often skipping a meal or only having one. My fatigue is terrible, I struggle to sleep and my anxiety is out of control. My skin is dry. My stomach gets painfully full easily. I am emotional. I cry all the time. I have sharp chest pains and I am cold. I an constantly dizzy and it is hard to breath when I stand up.

I am barely underweight. But I want to feel better.

Ive already been to the doctor twice but was too afraid to come forward about the restriction. Im going to a cardiologist soon.

Here is the real issue. I lied on the mental helath screening bcs I was afraid of being committted into a psych ward and My pcp recommended therapy. I made an appt and then cancelled. Since my anxiety is now so bad i cant manage i call to reschedule and try it and give it an honest effort.

Just the thought of going made me so upset I began purging again half of me wants to hide my issue from my therapist or cancel and the other half wants to come forward and see about getting help. This is also encouraging me to lose more because i feel i have to be sicker in order to get a diagnosis or be deserving of help. Im also so afraid of being committed or going to inpatient. It is my biggest fear. What do I do ?

I don't mind your rant, anon. It sounds like you're dealing with something really difficult and I think you are indeed allowed to call it an eating disorder.

I can understand your fear around being diagnosed, as it can change your life significantly. At the same time, anon, you will not be able to get help unless you take the steps to reach out for it (and follow through on them!) I know it's really hard and really scary, especially the thought of going to inpatient.

I get a lot of people saying "I feel like I need to be sicker." However, on the flipside, imagine all the people who've done lasting health damage to themselves, who may wish they'd gotten help before they'd gotten as sick as they did! An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and all sufferers deserve the opportunity to get help for the underlying cause of their disorder no matter what stage of ED they're in. You don't have to get "sick enough" to validate the fact that you're suffering. You can validate it to yourself. In fact, let me say it to you, anon. I see you. I see that you're suffering. You are worthy and deserving of help and support. I wish you healing.

(I'd like to add a sidenote here that just because you don't feel you look emaciated doesn't mean you aren't sick. Most human bodies have a LOT of safeguards against weight loss, especially in individuals who have a pattern of restricting, eating again, restricting, eating again...your body can still be struggling and deprived of nutrients even if it's stubbornly refusing to let go of pounds to try and keep you alive. It sounds as though your body is trying to express its distress to you in other ways, but are you ready to listen to it? That's up to you.)

I think you need to ask yourself what self-care steps you need to take in order to schedule a therapy appointment and stick to it. I think you know that the urge to comfort yourself by purging is counterproductive. What other things can you do to self-soothe in a healthy way? What are some small comforts you can use to show your body that you believe it deserves comfort and compassion while you work up the nerve to re-schedule?

When you do go to therapy, perhaps you could write down a script of stuff you're ready to talk about and stick to that script. A good therapist will gently push you but will also let you go at your pace and will not force you to talk about things that you're not ready to talk about. If you don't feel that connection with the therapist you meet, you can always search for another one. Yeah, I know, it's really hard to go through those steps AGAIN when you're already struggling so much. It's important, though. And when you're done, perhaps you can reward yourself with a treat. It doesn't have to be a food treat, if you are not at a point where you can effortlessly enjoy food. It can be any little thing that makes your body or soul feel rewarded, a fancy soap or a bath bomb, some art supplies or a little home decoration. Anything that helps you focus on giving yourself some love without engaging in ED behaviors.

You can go to cardiology, but until you're honest about what's straining your body, you'll only be putting band-aids on a much bigger gaping wound. I mean, still go to cardiology. But I think you know that you need to start treating the disorder, and finding ways to stay out of the disorder when stressful times come around.

I also want to address your fears around inpatient treatment. A lot of doctors and counselors will be willing to work with you around an outpatient treatment plan if you show that you want to heal and feel better and are willing to keep working toward that end. However, some people do end up in inpatient and I know it's scary to end up in a new environment and feel like all your control is being taken from you. But remember, while being able to engage in ED behaviors feels like you're controlling your life, every time you do it, the eating disorder takes more control of YOU. Think about it. You're already struggling. You're engaging in behaviors that take away the energy and time you had for the true joys in your life. You want medical professionals to help you, but you're not giving them the full range of information to help you. Do you feel like you're really in control of your life right now?

If you show willingness to work outpatient, I think your supports will probably work with you on this. However, I cannot 100% promise you will not end up needing to do inpatient. I know that's scary. You're allowed to be scared! I invite you to sit with that feeling and hold compassion for yourself and know that you're not the first person to ever be scared of going into inpatient. You also may have to talk about the possibility while seeking treatment. It's okay to be scared, I hope you know that. That's why I suggested bringing a script to therapy, so you can give your therapist a baseline for what you're able to confront right now. A good therapist will develop a rapport with you so that you feel safe working through scary topics. Healing is not the absence of fear, but knowing you have a safe person equipped with tools to help you cope with fear. Someone who will meet you with compassion, not judgment, and lay out your options for you in a way that you understand.

I wish you the best of luck in this difficult journey, anon. I hope you find healing.

[mambalae-s]

hi hi mamba, i want to start this off with a congrats and a thank you so much for putting in the work and the energy to do this event. i really appreciate it so much and i'm so so proud of you. you're doing wonderful, darling !

for your event, i actually can't decide myself so i'm going to give you the choice to pick for me between toji and satoru from jjk - (i really really hope you're not indecisive and are able to work well under pressure ! but you can let me know if you need me to choose one);

this might need a bit of a trigger warning, but something i'm still learning to love about myself is my weight and my body. i kinda struggle with my eating habits a little bit sometimes and i won't go into detail but it's something that i'm working on :)

as far as my personality goes, i would describe myself as someone who speaks her mind and usually doesn't hold back from doing so (mostly bc i think honesty is the best policy in any kind of relationship). and um this might be kind of contradicting, but at the same time i also isolate myself from loved ones when i'm feeling down or pressured and keep everything to myself bc i don't like arguing/conflict. my friends describe me as having a sarcastic sense of humour and say that i roll my eyes a lot but they also think i'm very very sweet because i flirt with them often just for fun hehe. i'm mostly an introvert because i need to have my alone time but when i'm feeling charged then i'm able to make friends very very quickly. and my dad says it's because i'm empathetic and always know what to say when it comes to ppl hehe. (ahh this is getting too long... i just love talking about myself. i'll try wrapping it up quickly!) some other things you should know about me: i'm a hopeless romantic, don't like horror, am a total daydreamer, i write romance, fanfiction, and poetry, pink is my favourite colour, i'm a lipgloss/lipstick addict (and collect them for fun even when i don't need them), spring is my favourite season, my love language is physical touch, i'm an infp, and if it's important for the moodboard i'm south asian!

let's keep this sfw for ease, so i'll end it by describing my dream date with both men. you can then choose which one you'll do!

1. i know satoru's really really tall, but i just picture toji being taller and bigger in my head so i have this headcanon that i'm like half his size (for reference, i'm 5'3-ish) and in my head we are just grumpy x sunshine couple all the way. dream date with toji would be us going to the amusement park (my fav place on earth) and just being kids tbh. i'd force him to wear cutesy animal headbands and ride the rollercoaster and the ferris wheel with me and we'd stand in long long lines just talking and he would probably whine and complain about everything but he'd put up with it for me (also i'd probably manipulate him with my big eyes and my own bratty attitude ^^)

2. with satoru, i feel like since he's pretty childish in a relationship, i'd definitely act more bossy/mature with him as a result. (he'd look so pretty taking orders, wouldn't he?) dream date with satoru would just be a stay at home date. we'd start off by cooking dinner and dessert together, then have a spa night, and end it by doing a disney movie marathon together. he's so money i just have the urge to show him that we can do things without spending so much or going out to fancy restaurants and stuff.

anyway, i'm sorry for making this so long. as you can tell, i'm a talker. i'll leave the choice up to you for which boy to pick, but i just want to say thank you in advance. i love u sm mamba. congrats again baby doll <33

my beloved safi!! my dearest angel!! i’m so so soooo excited to do your request!! genuinely kicked my feet and did a little dancy dance when i saw your ask and i started searching for your pics as early as 4am before work! as soon as you mentioned sunshine x grumpy, you’d gotten me on team toji! im gonna make the prettiest, cutest, sweetest boards and scenarios for you, because you truly are as bright as the sun and you deserve the world! hugging you sooooo warmly!

also please don’t feel bad for telling me as much as you did!’ it makes me happy to learn about you all during these little events!

╰┈➤ cherry blossom lips — safi x toji

╰┈➤ song — pov by ariana grande

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 one of the first things that really drew toji to you was your smile. he finds the way your eyes light up and crinkle ever so slightly ever so enchanting. he’s so entirely enraptured, you have no idea just how much!

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 i’ve said this for others as well, but toji’s also the kind of lover who is very attentive to you and your likes. i also think that he spoils you quite a bit! he’ll take note of your collection of lipglosses and lipsticks and whenever he’s out, he always keeps his eyes open for ones that he thinks you’ll like.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 if you only ask him once, he’ll help you pick out a lovely combination for your days and contemplates very intensely on what look he thinks would work well! he’s very involved surprisingly and loves to see the way you switch things up every now and then, and finds it really cute when you keep returning to favourites time and time again.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 i also think he’d be very playful and loves to kiss your glossy lips, if only to taste the sweet flavours as he licks the tint from his own lips, keeping his eyes locked on yours with your chin between his fingers as he tells you how sweet you taste.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’s very perceptive to you and your feelings and always looks out for you as best as he can. he knows just how much you care for others around him, and him especially, always making sure that he’s alright, asking him about his day and of anything that he may have on his mind.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he might not be very vocal about it, but his way of reassuring you is at first to pull you in for a long hug. he rests his chin on top of your head and just holds you close to him, hands stroking your back and waist and taking slow, deep breaths so that you’ll follow his lead. especially during moments when he notices you quietly hurting, he’ll always mutter loving reassurances that he’s here for you, and that you don’t have to push yourself to talk to him until you’re ready — just know that he’s there for you

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he also knows how much you try to show yourself love, especially when it comes to your body. toji can tell whenever you’re having a hard time showing yourself the love he feels for you, and his way of reminding you of that love is by initiating physical contact in very intimate ways!

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 not intimate as in sexual, but he’ll lay down with you and shower your entire body with kisses, reaching beneath your clothes with his fingers and taking his time to let each kiss linger, with little whispers of everything he loves, every part of you that you’re still learning to love on yourself. like i said, he’s extremely intentional, so know that all of those kisses and light touches are overflowing with love he feels deep inside his heart, because he’ll be there to love you until — and even after — you’ve fully grown to love yourself the way he does

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 when you ask him one day to visit an amusement park with you, he doesn’t think twice about saying yes! sure, he might act like he has zero interest in wearing those cute headbands with you, but he’d do anything just to make you happy!

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 sure, he’ll say that it won’t look good on him and that it’ll make him look silly, but how can he say no to those pleading eyes and pouty lips of yours? in the end, he’ll let you stuff his mouth full of cotton candy and grumble as you set cute mickey mouse ears atop his head — and don’t tell anyone, but he melts like putty at the way you light up and boop his nose, a little red faced as you tell him how cute he looks

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’ll even match with you to wear pink themed outfits! if it’s a colder time of the year when you both go, he’ll buy you both pink lilo onesies ahead of time so that you can wear them together! absolutely loves the pictures you both take and sets them as your contact photo, his wallpaper, all so that he can see the way you smile at the camera while his soft gaze is trained on you

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 now this is a secret, but toji gets a little squeamish in high places, so he’s a little nervous at first about going on the roller coasters and ferris wheels, but it’s all so worth it as he gets to hear your joyful squeals and laughter, watching your eyes crinkle as you belt out all these happy noises. the fact that you’re enjoying yourself makes him all the more pleased and he takes his own enjoyment purely from you.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he knows how you love the romantic things in life, so he takes you to the biggest ferris wheel in the park at night when all the lights shine like colourful stars. he wraps his arm around you and admires you admiring the scene around you, leaning into his embrace and just taking in the moment. he can’t stop himself from thinking just how precious you are to him, how much he loves you, and would absolutely tear the world apart to keep you safe.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 when your cart reaches the highest point of the ride, he lets himself go and pulls you in for a sweet kiss, letting it last for seconds that feel like years and mere moments to him as he drinks you in for all that you are, pouring into you every poem he’s secretly written in his heart for you. he whispers to you how much you love him, “until the end of time, safi… i’ll always love you, even after then.”

mamba celebrates 100 followers — jjk and haikyuu selfship event!

[not-poignant]

There's been lots of Temsen talk around here, so I thought I'd drop by and tell you how grateful I am for TND and Temsen in particular. (TW scars) I have scarring on both sides of my torso. It's not raised or painful, but it's very obviously there because of the colour difference with the rest of my skin. It looks like spots and mottles. In TND, you wrote about an old sickness that ended up causing some Vench's skin to have spots and mottles (maybe some of them were just born like that? Im unsure) Until it was revealed that that's how the spots and mottles came to be, I had envisioned the Vench as these beautiful creatures, you know? And after the backstory, I still did. It made me realise that someone else may find my spots beautiful too (although, I realise I'm not an underground skin touch wowie creature, so it's different, lol). What I'm trying to say is that that part of TND but also just TND as a whole has helped me work through and accept so many parts of myself. Once it's finished, may I print it? To keep it on my bookshelf :). If I were a better artist, I'd draw something for you from TND, and if I were a better writer, I'd write. I'm really trying to convey how much TND means to me, and I don't think I can properly. I wish I could make you a 7 course meal, because I am a decent cook! If I didn't love you before (I did), I certainly do now, for having created this wonderful story and blessing us with it. I hope you continue to do things you enjoy and take breaks and eat good food!! Love <3

Hi anon! Tbh a 7 course meal sounds nice, I've only eaten mandarins today, because I've been in too much pain/fatigue to manage like...meals. So I'm always very amazed / in awe when other people have the energy to make things like sandwiches.

In TND, you wrote about an old sickness that ended up causing some Vench's skin to have spots and mottles (maybe some of them were just born like that? Im unsure) Until it was revealed that that's how the spots and mottles came to be, I had envisioned the Vench as these beautiful creatures, you know?

Tbh, anon, all of the mottles except for very few which look very specific (and have only been described once), are all not scars, but very beautiful, shining parts of the vench's bodies. I mean, Augus also perceives the scars from the rotting sickness that Wirth explains as beautiful (it is a white, shining scar that's very noticeable), but every other time vench mottles are mentioned, they're just a part of the vench's normal skin, in the same way that frogs also have very pretty blotches/mixed colourations. Mottles are clan specific (scars aren't), in terms of their colours (in fact hair, eye, and mottle colour are all clan specific in The Nascent Diplomat).

So envisioning vench as beautiful creatures who have naturally occurring mottles (that aren't scars - the scars only affected one generation of vench and they are the vast minority, the only one we've met so far is Wirth) is what was intended re: the story.

That being said, I really love your interpretation of things as well. I've written stories in the past where characters have quite serious scars, and their love interest has always seen them as beautiful or as neutral, as having merit or as signifying how strong the person with the scars was, or generally as being significant in some way. Stories like Into Shadows We Fall, The Golden Age that Never Was, The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle, Stuck on the Puzzle, even moments in The Spoils of the Spoiled, Falling Falling Stars, and it will be present in stories like Mallory & Mount as well. It's definitely something I've spent time on as a concept, even if it's not something I did for more than about five seconds in The Nascent Diplomat!

In that sense, I definitely think you will meet someone who either finds your scars beautiful, or alternatively, just a neutral, normal part of you. I have over 3 metres of surgical scars on my body, anon, and that doesn't include the scars I have for other reasons (stretch marks for example). Some of those scars are in very obvious places, some aren't, but there's very few parts of my body you can look at without seeing at least some.

Meanwhile my partners both have freckles absolutely everywhere (though they're fading now, as they get older), and I think that's amazing and really cool, and I love those freckles, and I don't understand how anyone could mock someone for it, because that just doesn't compute to me.

No body is perfect, and any body that is, will not be perfect for long, we all have an expiry date, we all attain scars and wrinkles and blotches and freckles and warts and hormonal discolourations (I have two dark patches on my cheeks from being on the combined Pill for such a long time - my Mum always covered hers with foundation, I don't cover mine at all, it doesn't seem like there's much of a point when I have a 20cm scar on my neck anyway.

Learning to at least be neutral with our bodies, is an admirable and I would say even necessary goal. Learning to be positive or loving our bodies is amazing for the folks who can get there!

Once it's finished, may I print it? To keep it on my bookshelf :).

Of course!!!

I apologise for not having put down the kind of profound meaning that you picked up from the story, but I still really support and love that interpretation, especially since I've written versions of it across so many narratives in the past, and will continue to in the future. Your interpretation makes the narrative a lot more powerful, and that you turned it into something that you could use to help transform your feelings towards yourself and your scars and your body is an absolute credit to you. I think you're amazing :) <333

[xskyll]

This won't work for everyone, but this is what I do.

Concerning food, I once cooked a bunch of meals one weekend and froze them. Now every weekend I cook just one thing (that makes at least 4 servings) and freeze it to replenish the stock. This will still run out faster than you can cook, so every other day I eat a salad. I like routine, so it's the same salad: romaine lettuce, olive oil, shredded parmesan, croutons, and a hardboiled egg. Over the weekend, I hardboil all the eggs I'll need for the week. Cooking daily makes me cry, literally, but this method of prep works really well for me. No more tears!

Over the weekend, I also prep cold green tea. I make 64oz of green tea and stick it in the fridge. I drink one 16 oz glass while doing strength training; for cardio, I only drink water. Green tea has caffeine, so it helps revitalize me. Idk if this matters, but I don't drink coffee. 16oz of oolong tea in the morning, and then 16oz of green tea while working out. That's it.

For working out, after my eight hour shift, I walk my dog. When I'm done, I make a protein shake with protein powder and unsweetened soy milk. I don't blend it (ain't got time!), I just stir it with a fork. It's very lumpy, but that doesn't bother me. Be careful with protein shakes though. Some are very high in sugar or calories. I only use half the recommended powder from mine, and it's plenty of protein for me. Without this shake, I'd probably collapse. Between it and the tea though, I have the energy I need.

Next, I couple working out with my interests. If lifting weights, it's recommended you wait approx 90 seconds between sets (or so I've heard). I have Docs on my phone; I set a 90 sec timer and work on my WIP until it goes off. This might sound dumb to some people, but Neil Gaiman said he wrote Coraline at 50 words a day and that's a quote I live by. "The time will pass anyways," as we say here on Tumblr. If I don't have a WIP, I read manga. I listen to kpop and jpop while lifting. It doesn't distract me from reading or writing because I don't understand the majority of the lyrics. When on the treadmill, I often walk on an incline rather than run. I put the incline as high as it'll go, then choose a pace that won't make me miserable (usually between 2-2.5), and I read a book while I walk. I listen to piano or orchestra while I do this. Again, some might say this is dumb, but I hate cardio and this still builds up a sweat. I'm not trying to break records here, just keep in shape.

I always take at least two rest days a week (usually Wednesday and Saturday). I usually do 4 days of strength training and 1 day just cardio. Because I hate cardio, I usually do that on Sunday, when I have more energy. On strength training days, I do four activities, either three upper bodies and one ab or three lower bodies and one ab. Some of these are categorized loosely because they hit upper and lower (deadlifts, for instance).

And that's about it. After working out, I shower, eat dinner, then veg out on the couch. I go to bed early enough to get a minimum of seven hours sleep.

Some things worth noting:

Weights are expensive af. It took years of Black Friday sales to get the equipment I have now. When I first started, all I had was a yoga mat and a set of 10lb dumbbells I got used off eBay for cheap. I never signed up at a gym and likely never will. It's just not for me.

My work commute is admittedly very short. If it were longer, Idk if I'd have time to work out as much as I do.

Everyone has different lifestyles and circumstances. It took me years of having meltdowns to figure out what worked for me, and what works for me likely won't work for others. So I would say the important thing is to try new routines. It's fine to cry when it doesn't work, but make sure you try something different after you pick yourself up. Figuring out a routine that worked for me has made my life better than I thought possible. I used to be stressed all the time, and I hated myself. Now I can't remember the last time I broke down from stress. Sometimes I still get down on myself, but it's harder to do that when I'm reading 20+ books a year instead of 1 or 2 and writing over 100k a year instead of nothing.

how the hell do people work full time AND work out. and also eat. i feel like a dvd player

[halimpark7]

I ate chicken hearts yesterday.

It's something my dad used to cook for me. My dad that I hate. It made me think of human sacrifices, mas graves for the superstitious, babies in utero fighting for their lives from the abortion pokers. Using their teeth as shields for their bodies. Always a losing game of fencing for a "non-human" baby.

-chicken hearts are chewy, a nice mix of dark meat and the best textures of gum. While I was sick to my stomach, the hearts were a day too old but because I was mean to my mentor, I ate them anyway, ruminating over how society throughout time harm children and babies.

I fell asleep sitting up in the front seat of my miniRvVan.

My hair was over my face, staring at men eating gyros.

I'd like to think it's part of my mudang initiation, my hair over my face. *Scaring people like I'm a ghost. Haunting them with the impending doom of poverty if they fuck with me.*

I'm waiting to be impenetrable by knives. And wear Korean rainbow ceremonial crop tops. Hot pink next to red,yellow,Christmas green. It'll be my "thing".

---

I wondered if I made the men eating uncomfortable enough to leave my van alone. ------ people like to fuck it.

-----

They put that gas in the hotel rooms, spray it in the heaters. "They" I'm assuming it's the illuminati. Or just entertainment thugs who like to bully poor talented people.

The gas that numb your feelings.

It takes all the energy out of your body. And you just have the energy to be selfish. And yell bitterly at anyone who'll listen.

I didn't have the effort to finish the day as a good person. I couldn't stick to my values to help Holly make a 10$ decision on what to buy. I wonder how I'll pay for that today.

I whined at Simon until I had the energy to feel ok. He's my favorite person ever. I whine at him, tell him to stop fucking other sluts, threaten him with my scary Korean juju, send him naked pictures and soft core masterbation videos of myself. He's a motivational speaker. He motivates me everyday. To take off my clothes.

hopefully I'm slutty enough for him to love me.. as much fun as it is for guys to bother girls, it's that fun for girls to be provocative. "Women do not cause men to sin" . All people like to cause sin. It's called crabs in a bucket, it's called stealing attention, it's called power when you feel lack. It's called I never grew up and it's also called, I'm scared of getting old.

I think he knows I'm not a good person. But I try, bc my life is already so uncomfortable. Every empath is looking to rape their rapist. I'm just hoping it feels good and it doesn't stop.

/plus/And/but/ Holly does it+can do it +pain. Everyday.(Competition+she's always holier than me.) Cleaner energy, more organized. Favored by God.

The whole world thinks they're better than her,... id like to see them try her life. For as much as they steal, they should lift the weights. Can't wait to see it. I'm Bitter and yes, it's a curse.

Never fuck with orphans. Didn't your pastor teach you anything?

Anyway.