#I'M PISSING MYSELF OVER HERE
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the-nonbinary-interman · 5 months ago
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HELP ME IN THE NAME OF ZALGO, WHAT HAVE I FOUND 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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demigod-of-the-agni · 4 months ago
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
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tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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rapidhighway · 3 months ago
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Hnngg
#im so stressed ughhhhh#this divorce is gonna end me man though im probably stressing out over nothing AGAIN#like tomorrow my dad's bringing some expert to the house to put a price on the house#and i literally have no idea whatever that's gonna be how we are gonna pay that shit lmaoo#also i just really don't wanna be there or be with them in the same house god i hate it when they're near each other#i am..... going through it more than i probably should since I'm an adult now n stuff but whatever#it's not like i can just stop feeling all this distress and grief n shit especially since he's already found a girlfriend#with kids and stuff and they've already been going to my grandparents ughhh i feel thrown away you know#it hasn't even been a year it's pissing me off so badly#i feel like killing myself every time i think about tomorrow and then I feel even worse when i think about later ughhh#i shouldn't be so distressed i really shouldn't#especially since I've been living my life on an incredible streak of luck so.#whateverrrrr#uhh like comment and subscribe#vent#i just gotta. cause there isn't anyone here i can really talk to since#everyone sees this so much more differently and sis is just always telling me im making it into something bigger than it is#but it's really stressing me out#idk i fear this is not gonna end nicely I don't even see him anymore#and it literally hasn't even been a year but he's not really talking to me but at the same time i don't really#feel like talking to him either so who knows uhh..
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steakout-05 · 11 hours ago
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fellas is it alterhuman to feel kinda sad that you were born with flesh and bones instead of built with steel and synthetic material and that your eyes don't glow an unnatural yellow in the dark. to yearn that one day the cracking of your bones will be replaced with the whirring of circuits. to imagine a future where you can easily mend and repair and swap out your parts on a whim. cause like. i feel that
honestly i think i feel less like a human and more like a positronic brain that was spawned into a human body in some fucked up mishap and now i'm just here.... wait would that technically make me a cyborg-
#i'm like data soong but in reverse#instead of a android longing to be human it's a human longing to be an android#legit i feel like i should have been an android or a robot and tbh i'm a little bit pissed and sad that i'm not#i do refer to myself as though i'm a computer or an android-adjacent creature#every time i lose balance or trip over or forget what i'm doing or mess up i call it a malfunction or a glitch#whenever i mess up speaking or have a moment where i'm stuttering a lot i think my speech functions are glitched#every time i take a while to think or process something i imagine my brain's making the aol modem connect noise#i often refer to my brain and its functions as though it's a computer with programs and hard-coded scripts#it helps that your brain kind of is a computer in that it works very similarly to one#sleeping is my brain doing maintenance. whenever i do a set of steps i'm running a program. every time i feel it's a batch file being run#it makes sense!!#a big part of why i feel this way is probably autism. like actually i think that's what influenced this#and data from star trek but honestly i think he more awakened these feelings rather than spawned them#like this was already here data just unlocked it#feeling like something other than human is a very common feeling among many autistic people#this feeling like an android thing isn't something that hinders me or something i dislike btw#i in fact wish i were an android!! i'm just sad that i'm not#this human thing is annoying i wish to be synthetic#reject humanity return to steel#android#robot#alterhuman#nonhuman#guys i might be this
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rubiesintherough · 16 hours ago
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#(( ooc. ))#negativity tw#venting tw#sorry for bad vibes on the dash today again#will delete this in a sec just lemme vent#so. i bought all the food for thanksgiving....#i cooked it all. his only contribution was rinsing half of the potatoes. peeling 2 carrots. and opening a couple cans for me#even the turkey that was supposed to be his to handle i ended up doing#bc he severely undercooked it so i had to step in to fix that and make sure it cooked properly#and then he said 'okay. you did all the cooking. i'll clean up.'#................... nope. guess who handled that too#while he was just sitting at the table after he was done#i'm the one that put all the food away. wiped down everything. filled the dishwasher#and got it going. gathered up all the other dishes and put them by the sink to wash#so to recap. i bought all the food. made all the food. and cleaned up after the entire meal#if i sound bitter its because i am#when i pointed out that i was having to clean up everything when he said he would his response was just 'sorry i'm such a useless hubby'#i mean yeah kinda#couple all this with the fact that i'm also the one who was up until midnight last night. on my bday. and on my period and exhausted#doing a ton of housework that he was supposed to handle. including cat litter which flares up my asthma when i do it#but i didn't have a choice. just masked up and did it myself bc its not fair to the fluffy bbys if i just let it slide and wait#for him to do it. bc that might be a few days.#sorry to bitch on the dash like this but just. the last couple days especially have been disappointing#between him flubbing my big 30 bday yesterday and now this today......... i'm really over it#gonna be lurking here and pretending i'm not pissed off
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halinski · 5 months ago
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//rant in tags
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ilovecoffeeandchemistry · 1 month ago
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ooooh i woke up in a bad mood and it's so hard not to be a bitch about it
#i don't want to ruin the mood for my family so i'm just laying in my bed and think about everything that pisses me off#and i'm getting more and more mad about it#come to think of it it's kinda funny but also really frustrating#i probably just need to cry because i've been extremely tired and stressed for the past week#but i don't want to make myself sad on purpose so now i'm really angry over literally nothing lol#for example today i saw my colleague and turns out she knows my father#and she was like 'oh your dad really misses you!! he mentions you all the time!!' and i was like '....really?.....'#because i thought he didn't care at all (and the feeling is kinda mutual)#because call me crazy if you want but if i miss someone i just go talk to them.... problem solved........#we barely talk but apparently he's yapping abt me all the time to everyone so everyone thinks that he's oh such a loving and caring dad#which makes me look like a bitch of a daughter#which is like#on one hand i couldn't care less#but on the other#why would you talk about missing me to other people and bever bother to try and talk to me yourself??#though i probably dodged a bullet#talking to him is extremely hard because he's incredibly stuffy? boring? english doesn't have enough words for that#and i don't wanna listen to him talking about himself for 2 hours straight without having a chance to interrupt him 🤩🤩🤩#ooof#idk how to stop being mad i probably need to distract myself somehow#anyway there is probably a ton of mistakes here but i'm too lazy to fix them#idk i wish i could scream so loud that every bad thought in my head would disappear forever#i'm so tiredddddd
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premaritalhug · 2 months ago
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Sorry if any of these were answered already! But for that halloweeen ask game you reblogged,, could we see you and bro's favorite horror movies? As well as a candy question,, I'm curious to see what you snack on while you watch it, lol
Many thanks and much love!!
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Hey. They weren't. Thanks for asking, man. I'm always stoked completely stupid to hear from you. (Pictured here are DVD cases containing Skinamarink, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Over the Garden Wall.) I don't believe in god, but Jesus fuck if it ain't the holy trinity right before my very eyes. I was going to go off on this whole thing about these three and their respective exceptional qualities, but I'll spare you.* Bro's tastes are a little more... *Skinamarink is pretty new but I'm adding it to the list because it had me leaving the hallway light on and pissing my pants for at least a week. ------------- you want the dope shit jabroni? i gotchu. these are my favorites to bust out in october. cuz you know my ass be straight getting hellza festive in this bitch all month long yo. (Pictured here are DVD cases containing Saw, House of 1,000 Corpses, and Scary Movie.) best shit youll get legally outside of plushrump.com always be pluggin
you know i keep it real with the warheads chocorooms and lemon tootsie rolls. (Pictured here is some high quality, top-of-the-line art. Shit is practically bordering on the erotic. If you can't see it I feel bad for you and I don't know what to tell you. Nothing I'm going to be able to say will describe it in a way that would do it justice. I'm sorry.) (Also, sorry this took so long.)
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cookinguptales · 2 years ago
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Christ, I am so tired of people sending me messages, replies, etc. like "well, in my experience, performers never know if their venues are accessible! you should be contacting the venues instead!"
LIKE THAT'S NOT THE EXACT PROBLEM I AM DESCRIBING IN THE POST. Like I have never been to a fucking show before!
I am literally upset that they do not ask!!! And do not ask once they are asked!!! I am upset that they have the privilege to not ask and are happy to keep that privilege to themselves rather than even the playing field for the marginalized groups they claim to care about.
like??? Why are people asking like it's impossible to know these things??? Do they think that disabled performers never book venues? Do they think if you ask these questions you just drop dead?
Like at this point, the only thing more exhausting than the original issue is all the people showing up in my notes treating me like I'm an idiot for expecting the bare fucking minimum, which is businesses even knowing whether they're in compliance with the ADA or not before they take my money.
Jesus.
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moonlit-orchid · 6 months ago
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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dont-offend-the-bees · 9 months ago
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We need better fucking care infrastructure. I should not be trusted with anyone's care ever 💛
#thing is caring for myself? I'm not GREAT at it but i can scrape by#i know my limits i know how much or little i need to survive i know that i can usually more or less bounce back after a tough time#i think if my life fell out from under me i could probably scrape it back even if i wound up doing a lot of couch surfing in the meantime#i genuinely don't know how I'll survive if i have to be fucking sole carer for someone#dad's on his way back now and he's been prescribed antibiotics and hopefully that's that#but at least a couple of times a year there's some shit like this#an awful cough or an infection or a fucking insane choice to like do some diy on the outside of the house standing on the windowsill#he fucking nearly chokes on his food once or twice a week#maybe he's just one of those cockroach type motherfuckers who'll never die no matter how the universe steps on him#but I'm fucking PISSED that he's taking that for granted and won't even sit and fucking talk to me about what happens when his luck runs out#I've been looking after mum alone for what four hours today and I'm already so tired and frustrated i wanna die#i am. a deeply impatient and unsociable creature.#i can be infinitely patient with friends! those are my fave people i chose to have them in my life I'd wait like a fucking mountain for them#mum and i were.... already sort of At Odds before all this started.#i'm the kid she never 100% really wanted and who never really 100% wanted to be here#and now we're stuck together and one day possibly sooner than any of us want it will be. just the two of us.#and i just. i don't know what that looks like. i really don't.#anyway. mental breakdown over hopefullly.#with a bit of luck dad and i actually fucking TALK before the next one#idk man. i never really knew what i wanted to do with my life but i thought I'd have time to figure it out#but maybe I'm just. the unqualified burnout with covid memory damage and a whole ass other human to care for#the exact thing i set out to avoid when i decided never to have kids#anyway. enough oversharing.#thank you anyone who's read my spiralling tag rambles in solidarity i love you#mr. bees speaks
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lord-squiggletits · 2 years ago
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pharma really is such an interesting case. one thing i’ve always felt with pharma is that he absolutely doesn’t want consequences. and facing up to it requires a lot of looking at and showing people what he’s done and you know. the consequences. i mean hell he’d rather start a plague than say “hey i got coerced into doing a very bad thing by the djd”
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I do understand what you mean about Pharma not wanting to face consequences, but on the other hand, I kind of understand why Pharma made a plague rather than admit to medical malpractice/murder? Because like, the thing that I don't see brought up often enough with regards to Pharma is that blackmail... is blackmail. Like, as someone who's unfortunately been on the receiving end of blackmail, the entire point of blackmailing someone is that you corner them into doing bad things by convincing them that they CAN'T turn to an authority figure to ask for help. Like, the person doing the blackmailing generally convinces the person who's getting blackmailed that if they try to reach out for help, the law/authorities/etc either won't care about their predicament or will punish them for the bad thing they did that they're getting blackmailed about.
I kind of feel like (and this isn't an attack on you, just a commentary about the nature of blackmail) when someone like Ratchet looks at Pharma and says "but you could've called for help or shut down the clinic or anything!", it kind of ignores the fact that...... when you're being blackmailed you're fucking terrified, and people who are terrified generally don't jump to the most rational, safe solutions possible? When you add in the fact that Pharma was blackmailed by Tarn of the DJD, notorious hater of Autobots and fanatic leader of a torture club, it's not hard to imagine that Pharma was both afraid and in pain (or threat of pain) while at Delphi and thus wouldn't be thinking straight about it.
I don't know, like. Yeah, on one hand Pharma made a plague and killed a bunch of people to try and cover up his crimes and maintain his career. But he didn't just do it for ego related reasons, he was also almost certainly facing threats of torture and death.
#squiggle answers#pharma apologism#i think i'm biased on this issue so anyone can come in here and add their thoughts or correct me#i guess it just bothers me because like. i've kind of been in that situation (not as serious as pharma's) where i didn't ask for help#and when i got in trouble for not asking for help afterwards and instead choosing to lie or go behind someone's back or whatever#it was generally bc i was more afraid of punishment by The People In Charge#than i was afraid of lying or breaking the rules or doing other bad things#and when i got accused (by the people in charge) of seeing myself as above the rules or thinking i was better/smarter than them#it always pissed me off because i was like. bro i didn't lie to you for fun and games i lied to you because i was afraid#that if i asked you for help you would just shun me or get pissed off at me and punish me#also re: the blackmail i was a victim of. the thing about that is it was over something ultimately petty (stupid internet drama)#and i was PROBABLY never in any real danger but like. the issue was that i FELT like i was in danger#fear is powerful. fear of being threatened at any time or having the things you care about taken away is especially powerful#i had nightmares p much once a week for months during the ordeal and still sometimes do now#like idk i really am biased on this matter but like. just bc pharma made the plague to cover up his crimes#doesn't mean that that's the ONLY reason is what i'm saying#when ppl lie and cover up things about that it's not just about ego but about dumb animal terror#and i mean. to get back to the pharma apologism brand. ratchet KNEW pharma was being blackmailed but he fucking ditched him anyways#this is the guy who was supposed to be his bestie of millions of years and he fucking told pharma he was dead to him#and that's the guy who pharma thought would UNDERSTAND. imagine what he thought other autobots would think of him#also i have a theory that tarn probably psychologically tortured pharma by telling him the autobots would just lock him up for his crimes#as a way to get pharma to not tell anyone and keep supplying him cogs. because you know. blackmail
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vulturereyy · 2 years ago
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THEY'RE DOING FUCKING WHAT FOR A CROWN OF CANDY????
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sevenstevearmy · 1 year ago
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😡🤒
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superfreakingmario · 1 year ago
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ok sorry not to be a hater or a vagueposter or whatever but I think if you do not even live at my house and you invite 8 people over to my house during finals week and they stay at my house talking loudly past midnight you are going to hell forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what
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sunnys-sonnets · 1 year ago
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After seeing the art that inspired you- why Hint Of Magic? how was that idea even formed, how did you come up with all the world-building and the smut? (I am always in awe)
I remember looking at the art and trying to make it make sense. And that made a story come of it. A fairy sitting on a knight's shoulder? How did that come to be? Especially with this pairing? Shouldn't they hate each other? Why don't they hate each other? No one is stopping them? Or maybe these meetings and "relationship" is a secret that they both want to keep. But why would Heimdall care about a random fairy? There has to be an incentive for him to keep seeing and meeting with this fairy until they're going to eventually get along. Alright. Give Heimdall a mission from Odin. Easy. Gather fairy dust. They fairies? They're like the Jotunar in GoW. Dangerous and mysterious. But Atreus cute and sweet so Heimdall would have to find it endearing eventually. Their relationship grows, oh no, but they are enemies and Heimdall knows it'll never work and Atreus is stuck in the forest never to leave it even if he wanted to. Boom plotline scraped from cute fanart and GoW.
Ploy's artwork for sure inspired me (and other artists too!) and I think I wanted more of it or stuff like it. And at the time, I needed some variety in what I was writing, I needed a little break from "Mischief and Foresight" so I devised a plan. If I made a fanfiction on the artwork and it was well-liked and well-received then that would mean that more fanart would be made of it, right? Wrong and egotistical. But it was super fun to write and then Lore accidentally kept coming up and it kept expanding??? Like, pretty sure it was going to only have like one or two chapters but it kept growing and I still hope people like it but I often leave it to the side since it's just a side AU
#A Hint of Magic fic#I like A Hint of Magic but I'm a little insecure about it because it doesn't follow the main plotline of GoW or a big AU people like#and at the time I think I was saddened that it wasn't liked like “Mischief and Foresight” was so it felt like a sign like I should stay#in my lane or just stick with what people like#I think I was comment-hungry and that's why#It's like I forgot why I started writing Heimtreus to begin with#because I loved the ship and loved Chaos in an Archer Suit and wanted to expand the story in a spinoff and show my love for it#So I might have poisoned it for myself by desperately trying to write in ways that I though would get people to like it when it#never got the reactions I wanted & it got me all upset so I might have been disillusioned & then dropped the fic for a while because of it#And that's on me and no one else because I did that to me#No one should be forced to like my work or feel guilt-tripped by this#it just shows me that I really have to learn to write for myself because I have to love what I do because unless I'm being paid#fuck everybody else#Sorry for the VENTING and throwing all my baggage at you! That was definitely NOT what you asked 😅🤣#The World-Building is because I like making things make sense and making a story from it and the smut is because I wanted people to like me#so that's pretty much the answer that you did sorta ask#begging people to ignore the fucking ESSAY in the tags! Like Please! I'm just Bitching! I'm just pissing & crying over here! LOOK AWAY#heimtreus#sunny's answers
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