#I'LL READ THAT FIC TONIGHT

[winchesterwhorehouse]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN I LOVE U SOOOOOOOO MUCH<3

NO I LOVE YOU STEVIE THANK YOU

[xoxoemynn]

I spent the night catching up on reading some fic after taking a bit of a breather to focus on writing and omg, it felt SO GOOD. The amount of TALENT in this fandom is unreal. Un. Real. For the past few hours I've been immersed in so many different worlds featuring my favorite characters and it was BREATHTAKING.

And now I'm sitting here thinking about how much fun that was and how I need to do that more often because oh my god the EXHILARATION truly I am just LIVING right now. I felt SO MANY EMOTIONS and I didn't even leave my couch?!

And it's so cool because I was reading one fic and losing my mind over it and mid-way through I went "wow, I want to write a fic Like That." Because it stirred a kind of emotion in me and I'd love to stir that kind of emotion in others and it's got my brain buzzing in a new way I doubt it would have buzzed on its own had I not read that fic and it's just SO. COOL. how creativity begets more creativity and how we all inspire each other.

And it's all because we found This Show and loved it and couldn't let it go, and there are still countless stories to be told and universes to play in and it's SO EXCITING and I love you all and I'm so grateful.

Thank you for sharing your love for OFMD however you share it, thank you for your fic and your art and your text posts and your tags and your comments.

Thank you for being here. 💕

[hailsatanacab]

chapter three!!

did you guys survive chapter 2? Danny did!! if only barely 😬

there's markedly less gore in this chapter, thank goodness, and now Alfred gets to explain what on earth he was thinking about signing a contract like that??? Alfred??? Explain???

[ainosgarden]

can't stop thinking about lestat and his mindfulness coloring book from the beautiful fic love me at the ungodly hour by @pynkhues

[kcrabb88]

Having one of those nights where I well and truly love being a writer like?? It's so fun?? And when something turns out so so well it's SO satisfying. The process of creation is truly one of my fave things and there's nothing else like it.

[rottiens]

gojo comeback in the next chapter 🙏🏼🙏🏼

[cottagecori]

hey. send the message. do it.

[kitnita]

hiiiii what are your top personal ships of choice for roope and wyatt?

hiiiii! like any person with eyes i see the appeal of roope with miro, or robo, or him with miro AND robo, etc. also i will probably at some point write more roboroope vampire fic because that was fun to me!! i think there's something fun in adding vampirism into their relationship, which is almost strictly a work thing; roboroope was Made for exploring the way intimacy blurs lines, because they so clearly have a brain connection & are so clearly uncomfortable when it's pointed out. they should top that off with blood drinking. i've wanted to go back & explore the potential there a little more since posting that first silly little vampire!roope fic.

i really wanted to get more time to explore roope's vibes w delly (rip) and will probably still end up doing that for at least one (1) fic at some point in the nearish future. i think a corefour (robo roope otter miro) fic at some point would be fun! also maybe just roopeotter, because the way that roope is always there when otter's at Peak Bitchy in net is so fun to me. otter swiping at an opposing player after a stoppage and ROOPE of all people coming in to white knight for him until miro shows up to actually help is so fun!! i know i've seen it happen more than once but take this one gifset of proof.

(sorry this has become less 'personal ships of choice' & more 'fic i want to write for roope.' sorry. but also. like. you get it.)

wyatt i DO actually have big personal ships of choice for!! obviously i love dellywyatt & will probably continue to write for them even with delly in san jose (rip) now because it is simply so narratively compelling to me, and just one 60k fic wasn't enough. i need to write more dellywyatt novels to feel complete, as a person. but also i really like wyatt's dynamic with harls!!! i have one fic for them in the active pipeline but i have ideas for more. oyb made those cheesy romance novel cover edits of the stars & i felt compelled to draw a mockup of a harlswyatt romance novel cover that i was going to post on its own until i decided i wanted to write dumb regency era fic for them to accompany it, so that will come At Some Point because i already have the cover art.

idk if i have any other more out there ships for wyatt. i know people have paired him up w any of the stars vets he's been mentored by which is fun! but mentor-mentee fic is Not So Much my vibe, usually. i've been doing a vibes collection for him & stank but that's a 'see where it goes' kind of thing rn, + also while i'm at it i think we'll see where mavloganwyatt takes us. etc etc etc.

[paleode-ology]

I may have veered off the beaten path in terms of keeping of with starkid but I'll be damned if I don't force every single person I know to watch saf

[your--isgayrights]

Probably a bit silly and you’ve likely answered this before, but do you think you’re going to come back to “at the Very least, the Wall will change?” I’m just getting into ORV and I want to read some fanfic! I promise I am patient but I’m hesitant to start reading something that’s abandoned. I hope this doesn’t come off as disrespectful! I completely understand burnout (med student here hehe) and there’s no shame is shelving a project for a time if it no longer speaks to you. I just wanted to check

You're right that I've answered this before but like it's totally fair to ask me again after how long it's been lol. Bc like I think about this a lot too and thus the answer/feelings I have about it kind of changes?

Like my journey with this fic has kind of been tumultuous because I started it before I had access to ADHD medication and a lot of my life can be divided into the Before times and the like Now Times where my baseline happiness/standard of care of myself is vastly improved. I outlined all of wall fic before publishing the first chapter and then the scenes I wanted to include took up a lot more time to create than I initially thought they would and that like frustration was really harmful to like my sense of being a "writer," I guess?

Sorry, getting into this bc I'm trying to articulate my own feelings to myself, but I'll tldr; it at the end probably.

Like when I first started wall fic it had like a strangle hold on my imagination and was a way I was able to articulate feelings about things in life. Truth is, I'm someone who has called 911 for suicide/self-harm of friends/classmates like 4-5 times before turning 18. There is this feeling of helplessness I always had as a minor that the world was always ending around me but even when I was up till 5 am making sure my friend got to the hospital ok without any way of really knowing except waiting for a text back, I still had to just buck up and go to school the next day. The emotions I have towards these times in my life really latched onto omniscient reader, because the way it discusses suicidal ideation and what can help with it rang really true to me. I love KDJ a lot, part of that is, in my interactions with suicidal ideation, his sense of narrative inevitability really describes the emotions behind it well, the feeling of "this is the only Solution that will Actually work" is sewn into the fabric of the universe as "probability." And I've actually been thinking about that term "probability" a lot lately, and how it relates to ideas about Narratives. We're always estimating the likelihood of future events based on past experiences, calling things "realistic" or not. But the function of this system in my own life has often been to convince myself to 'give up' on certain things, conserve the energy it would take to try them. Sure that has helped me when Ive not had any free time/energy in crunch times or big projects, but when something is actually important, giving up feels like shit to be honest. Which is part of why I really love and kind of idealize this character of Yoo Joonghyuk, someone who 'never gives up.' To me KDJ and yjh in wall fic represent these two radical sides of a spectrum where someone becomes unhappy by giving up caring about everything and someone becomes unhappy by never giving up on anything. KDJ is then sort of this love letter to people who give up on themselves, people who could never imagine living past a certain age and yet somehow implausibly remain. YJH is a love letter to people who have been left behind and are So aware of their choices and their power over situations that they blame themselves for things that were actually out of their control in the first place. It's these two different ways of interacting with helplessness and grief and fear, giving up knowing you never could have made a difference in the first place or being convinced you could always have done Something and blaming yourself for failing, constantly stressing about what you could have done and what you ought to do the next time it happens.

Codifying these themes into Characters is originally this fun way of exploring emotions I have about them and sharing the experience of feeling them with others without having to tear too much of my self a part. I feel like when we're young it feels like a sense of self is something like a wall, an image of ourself that we have Built and must put in work to Maintain from erosion. This sense of self and protection makes us feel distinct from other people, the line we draw where we begin and end in the universe, and they become rules dictating How we will Act and Appear towards others. Drawing these walls and lines is pretty important to KDJ's perspective in wall fic, but i now realize I had sort of started doing to myself? Towards the middle of writing it?

Just because I've been on the Internet so long, I know the sort of "narratives" of being different "kinds of authors" online. Because of this, when I started posting wall fic, something that was of a lot of concern to me was how I appeared as an Author to people reading. I honestly think now that the performance of things I associated with like Being an Author were more sort of motivated by a fear of failure and disappointing others than anything else. It's kind of only been recently that I've realized that I have a choice to do things because I enjoy them instead of the fear of not doing them, which sounds a little crazy/obvious to be honest, but forcing myself to be an honor roll student for like more than a third of my adolescence while completely unmedicated kind of made that sort of intrinsic fear of disappointing others the ole'reliable of Task Motivation. Participating in ORV fandom has sort of been this emotional tight rope walk for me of like. Kind of really desperately desiring validation from others but also being afraid of receiving it bc of like the pressure it then puts on to Keep Doing the thing that Works and otherwise feeling like a Failure. But obviously like creative writing isn't going to have the same like Fear/Urgency factor as life stuff and it shouldn't feel that way, anyway, tbh. I'm kind of having to like. Re-invent the idea of writing being Fun and Relaxing for myself. And the idea that talking to other people on the internet (also like. People in general I still do this at uni even) does not actually have to have like any performative elements or factors of like? Disguise? Because like my sense of self doesn't actually have to be a wall I keep building and have to repatch whenever someone comes along with a pickaxe like my sense of self doesn't actually need a metaphor attached to it because it just is what it is lol. Like whatever I am RN is my "self" and that meaning would only suffer under the restraint of comparison, lol.

It's been easier to like feel normaler/better quicker in like my day to day stuff, but because a lot of the time I spent previously trying to write wall fic lies in that like that brain space where I felt afraid and stressed out etc I think I currently have like an aversion to sitting down with it out of like a fear of returning to that mindset. Because I'm like looking it in the face and such I do have like strategies of getting over it like doing warmups or taking time to make nice writing spaces and having a name to/strategies to access the creative part of my brain, but that stuff takes time and because it's a lot less likely I'll have writing on the brain than go through my every day life like the process of becoming normaler/feeling better goes a lot faster day to day than in my approach to writing.

Because in my brain the progress of wall fic is a sort of gentle curve I've been trying to shape the growth of upwards, I wouldn't say it's abandoned at all. But also like because the next "update" is not really guaranteed and I'm kind of hesitant to force myself to commit to a timeline for finishing/releasing it, I think it makes sense to like hesitate about starting it as a reader? In terms of a sense of completion, the chapters are organized in such a way that each one concerns a sort of complete Section of KDJ's life/relationships, tho. Like, Chapter 1 shows KDJ and YJH's first meeting as kids and establishes the "soulmate" setting. Chapter 2 shows the life KDJ carved himself to thereafter, how he and YJH's paths have diverged, established the stakes of KDJ's current "world" in a way parallel to the first few chapters of wos/orv. Chapter 3 focuses on how the soulmate worldview and KDJ + YJH's characters/past interact with the way they view children/the idea of "childhood/youth." Chapter 4 is meant to show how that worldview encounters adult life/ adult friendships/relationships, but the final part of it is something I'm still working on a bit. The structure is such that I tend to bring the end of the chapter back to a moment of peace/resolution/settling in the "new world" after the events of the chapter and then writing a one sentence cliff hanger about what the next chapter includes. So if you want to give some of it a read but don't want to be left feeling too incomplete, I'd read up till before the last sentence of Chapter 3, tho that's a bit silly, lol.

I will say again and have said before, I don't mind that much getting thoughtful comments/messages like yours at all. Thoughtful in the sense of like, desiring a response from me as a person, I suppose? Towards the start of writing online i really like needed the validation of little comments to feel good about myself/my work, but now I realize that the thing I like actually desire that ao3 comments aren't often a good format for is that I just like talking/discussing these things with other people. Sometimes comments will make me feel more like an unpaid customer service representative getting feedback or a student looking at a quick note on my report card. The kind I like most are messages where people want to ask me questions, argue with me about something, share something of their own interaction with the text that there's room for me to interact back with them as a person. The thing I hate most is feeling like I care too much about something/talk/think too much to the point that people are tired of hearing from me/form a bad opinion of me.

So like typing this all out has actually put myself in the brain space of remembering some of the things I like to write about and feel and how the current part of wall fic explores them. I'm kind of setting up my computer and such to start working on it like rn actually, hopefully the like feelings I'm having towards wall fic won't evaporate when i have to go to my class in 1/2 an hour or when i try to reread some of what I've written so far lol.

TLDR; Wall fic isn't abandoned or on hiatus or anything, but I am super slow about it lol. If you wanna give it a read I recommend stopping before the last sentence of Chapter 3 if you don't want any "cliff hangy" feelings. Questions like yours that ask me to interact with orv/wall fic/related themes do honestly help me start thinking about it again and I'll probably try to work on some of it tonight bc of you so thanks 👍

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

I used to be allergic to making pointless posts on my blog and now look at me

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3

[ibrokeeverything]

hELP

The gay pirates have taken over my brain. Like, I was already super excited for season two before today, but ever since the trailer came out, I'm completely incapable of thinking about anything else.

So now I'm stuck listening to because the night and rotating the babygirls in my head like a microwave

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

yell at me if u see me on here now goodbye FOREVER (for the rest of the day)

[seekingthestars]

sometimes i get the General Melancholies and i hate it a lot

[readingbythestreetlights]

need to write up an itinerary for which mattdrai fics i'm rereading these next few days before game 6