#I’ve played like 1 sonic game but DAMN I love this guy!

[wunidz]

Richard and Sonic the Tulpa

TW// blood, self harm, Tulpamancy, abuse, drug abuse, pills, school massacre, death and murder

I’m Richard Pastel, I don't have any social life nor any friends, just acquaintances that barely tolerate me. I've been jobless for about two years, I'm barely living by a thread at my university. My comfort series is Sonic The Hedgehog, I love the series with the amazing gameplay to the funny shows and the complicated comics. I love the blue blur, he’s so cool in every aspect.

As I was searching up random shit on Reddit, I came up with a new discoverie, Tulpas, some kind of imaginary-friend on steroids? From what I've read I can make one with my mind, to be whatever I want it to be, a being materialized in my brain.

I want one. I deserve a friend, I’m tired of being alone, I'll create one, and make it my best friend forever…

I went all out, I went to all of the posts that talked about it, and started taking notes on how to do it step by step.

I could not wait, I was so excited, I can finally have someone to talk to! someone who would understand me, someone who wouldn’t abandon me.

Now, it’s pretty obvious who’s gonna be the lucky one, Sonic. I've loved him since I was a child. His games,shows and comics were there for me, now HE will be here for me.

So it started, I wrote some notes on how Sonic would act, his personality, basically how I want him to be, alongside I drew a small doodle of him, sadly I messed up by how fast I was doing it, I colored his arms blue, such a dumb mistake, god dammit.

But let’s get to the point. I've set up in my bed laying on the wall, while my computer was playing Marble Zone from Sonic 1, I closed my eyes and started… praying? 

I was really concentrating on creating Sonic, I didn't open my eyes for a while.

until, i’ve heard something, I opened my eyes, the sound continued, was coming off the kitchen, i’ve ran into there to see what happened, 

Standing there it was, Sonic the Hedgehog, the blue blur himself, but there were some noticeable differences, he was not wearing his gloves nor his shoes, and his arms were blue? But i was too excited to care about it now, I couldn't believe it, it worked! My cheeks were burning from happiness

“You good there lil buddy?”

“IT WORKED! IT WORKED!”

I jumped up and down

“Hey buddy! Slow down there!!”

“Sorry- I just got a little excited”

I kneel down to be in his view.

“So, you’re the tulpa I created?”

“Yup! on the flesh! Or whatever i’m made out of haha”

“Hehe, What an awful joke!”

Sonic made a silly face.

We get out of the dorm and went to the campus.

“What a beautiful day!”

Sonic said while running in circles around me.

After we spent the afternoon walking and taking interviews for job opportunities, I got in my dorm.

I invited Sonic to my room, and he rapidly sat in my bed.

“damn what’s all this stuff? How do you sleep in here?”

He remarked looking at all my hoarding stored in my bed.

I felt pretty offended, so I ignored the question.

I lay in bed and fastly sleep

The tulpa decided to sleep next to me, similar to a cat.

I slowly wake up, to a sound of Sonic trying to wake me up

“Richard, wake up, wake up you’re gonna be late for class!!” 

“uuuugh okay, i’m getting up!”

I get my materials packed up and go to the classroom, and there i am sitting alone near the window again, but now i have Sonic, he sit on the empty chair, he gives me a huge smile, i give back a small smile

the lesson goes as normal, as i was leaving Tom raynott came up to me

“Hey there Rich! How’s it going my guy?”

“What do you want Raynott?”

“Sorry to bother you, but you’re still looking for a job, right? Me and friends found a ice cream shop nearby that’s hiring and i though-”

“You think I need your help?! I can do this myself, I don't need your pity, okay, Raynott?!”

Kyle Goldman get’s in front of Tom, towering over me.

“Look my guy, Tom just wanted to help you, I don't know why you’re acting up like this!”

“Kyle it’s okay-”

I let out a sigh before I left the classroom, and when I was in the corridor I heard Tom’s voice from the classroom.

“See you next class Richard!”

Walking to the cafeteria, i heard fast footsteps behind me, ii give a look behind my shoulder and see Sonic

“Hey Rich, what happened there?”

“Look, i don’t like people rubbing my struggles in my face”

“Don’t you think he was trying to help?-” “Are you just gonna be nagging me? Look i don’t need help”

“i’m sorry…”

“let’s just get something to eat, i’m starving”

“Yeah me too…”

We get to the cafeteria, get a basic cheap lunch, i fastly eat it, and I see Sonic with a sad expression.

“I still feel hungry…”

“Me too, but I barely have money to buy anything that will fill my belly.”

“Oh…”

“Just let’s go…”

“Okay…”

We get in class, as the professor talks, i get light headed, not a surprised, this is normal at this point, i briefly try to close my eyes, but Sonic comes up to me, talks loud so i don’t sleep

“Rich! Don’t sleep, you need to pay attention!”

“Richard! Wake up!! Wake up!!”

“CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Then I notice everyone starts to look at me, And the professor glares at me with an angry expression.

“Sir Pastel, if you don’t want to take this class, the door is right there, I think it is better for you to leave if you’re gonna keep up this attitude.”

Everyone starts to laugh, I pick my bag, and quickly get out of the classroom, my eyes watering in rage by the shame I felt. As i fastly walked to my dorm room, I slammed the door shut, I sat in my bed and started crying. Sonic gets near me.

“Rich, Why did you scream? You needed to pay attention to the class!”

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE SECONDS?!”

“I’m… only trying to help… I'm sorry…”

“I AM TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT, WHY DON’T YOU DO WHAT I TELL YOU?? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST- AARRGH”

Sonic looks down with an expression of guilt and fear, almost crying.

“I’m so-sorry…”

I get a boxcutter in my drawer, I extend it, and fastly cut my wrist.

“AAAHHH!!! w-wha…” 

I get scared by the sudden scream coming from Sonic, he’s holding his wrist, with blood coming out of it, the same spot i cutted it my wrist.

“What was that?!”

“you… hurted me…”

“I did nothing to you!”

“it hurts…”

“Can you stop whining??”

“Rich, please, it hurts…”

“It’s just a cut, it will heal soon, can you please stop whining?!”

“It hurts…”

“STOP WHINING!”

As I screamed, I heard I knocked at my door, I let out a tired sigh and went to answer the door.

“Hey Rich! Just wanted to check up on you, is everything alright?”

It was Tom Raynott, trying to nag me again.

“I’m alright Raynott, please leave.”

I try to close the door me Tom pulled the door to not close

“Hey man, you had an outburst in the class today, you know i’m always here for you, just tell me what happened.”

He makes that cute but annoying puppy eyes

as he’s holding the door, he notices my bloody wrist.

“What 's that?”

“HEY!-”

He picks my wrist with a strong grip, looking at my cut, then at me with a disappointed expression.

“Oh…”

“If I tell you what’s happening will you leave me alone Raynott?”

“Pinky promise! just let me help you Rich”

“I’ve been hearing voices these past days, i can’t barely concentrate, and and i can’t find a job, and i’ve had barely nothing to eat, and I’m just tired… I just feel like I’ll drop dead at any moment.”

“oohh… i’m so sorry to hear that Rich, look, i can’t do much, but i can give you some help”

“I feel pretty ashamed, but I'm very desperate. anything that works is good for me at this point.”

“Well me and my friend Romeo are able to get some meds, I could lend you some to help calm the voices down a little, how does that sound?”

“Sounds great, thanks Tom.”

“AAWWNN YOU SAID MY NAME-”

I immediately frowned and slammed the door in his face.

With a muffled sound I hear Tom.

“HEYY!! Richh, don’t be so meeeeaan”

“Stop acting like this, just give me the meds Raynott”

“Oki doki! brb! And please, don’t hurt yourself, is not good”

“Okay Raynott.”

“W-what do you think you’re doing?!”

I see Sonic standing with a worried look on his face.

“...”

“P-please Richard don’t, i promise i’ll be better, i promise i’ll stop nagging you, just please don’t”

“I don’t even remember why I created you.”

He gets on his knees and starts sobbing.

I hear the knocking again, I open the door, Tom Raynott again, now with Romeo Jones beside him.

“Hope you don’t mind i bringed Romeo too!”

“Sup”

“It’s okay, did you bring the meds?”

“Oh yeah it’s here!”

He brings out a pack of Xanax and Paroxetine, I picked up the pack and thanked them.

“Thanks Raynott”

“Don’t forget to thank my pal Romeo too, he’s the one who gets the meds”

“sigh…  Thanks you too Ivey”

“Don’t need to act like it’s a chore man, and don’t call me that, just call me Romeo.”

“...You two can go now, i’ll see if it works, thanks for the help”

I close the door, and hear their footsteps heading out, as I turn my back and I see Sonic still sobbing on the floor.

“P-please give me another chance! I’m sorry

I’m sorry

I’M SORRY

I’M SORRY

𝕀’𝕄 𝕊𝕆ℝℝ𝕐

ⓘ’𝓜 𝓢𝐎ℝℝ¥”

He grabs my feet pleading to me, to not take the pill, i can’t handle this pity party, i can’t handle this brat anymore. In rage, I kick his face, it starts to bleed immediately from his nose, now he’s crying louder than before. I fastly get to the kitchen and get a cup of water, I drink both pills down, as I wait for them to take effect, I look and see Sonic on the floor mopping.

“I-i’m so-sorry, I'm sorry for failing you Rich��� I promise I'll be better…”

I just get in bed and I try to sleep. As i wake up, i pick up my phone seeing i was late for class, i get my bag and quickly get in the classroom. As i open the door everyone looks at me, I can feel each one’s thoughts on me… and the professor looks at me with a very disappointed look.

“Hm… late again i see Sir Pastel, go to your seat”

“yes sir…”

I get on my seat, and everything goes as normal. Finally, that brat is not in my ear 24/7 anymore. I feel my head is spinning, and my vision is blurry, but I stand my ground. I won’t leave the class until it is over this time. And before i even know it, the class is over, Tom comes near me and touches my shoulder.

“Hey Rich, you good?”

“yeah, yeah, the annoying voice stopped now”

“Glad to hear that! Also would you like to change contacts? Since we’re friends now hehe”

“huh…? okay…”

I pick my phone and give it to him so he can put his number, while he does the same with me. 

“Call me whenever ya need Rich!”

“Thanks Raynott.”

He made a peace sign and left the classroom with his friends, with Kyle Goldmann strangely missing? those two were glued like moths to lamps, but whatever not my problem. I wanted to eat something, but my money ran out. I feel my eyes water, but there’s nothing for me to do.

I just get to my room, and get on my bed, just feeling tired and sad.

Why can't I do anything right?

I just want to die.

as my self hating thoughts consume me, i slowly fell a sleep

“PLEASE COME BACK, I’M SORRY I PROMISE I’LL BE BETTER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PᴸEᴬSᴱ”

I woke up five hours later, all sweaty and hyperventilating, I felt my heart sink, I looked at the end of my bed, standing there… was Sonic…

but he looked a little different, his fur had grown a little darker, some fluff growed from his cheeks and he was filled with bruises on his thighs and wrists.

“W-what…”

“I MISSED YOU

I MISSED YOU SO BAD

SO BAD

𝕀 м𝐈ＳＳ𝕖𝒹 Ƴόย

ᔕỖ 𝓢ⓞ ＢⒶᵈ 

my head felt so dizzy, i couldn't see anything, but YOU’RE BACK! “

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“The meds effect wore off, but i’ve learned my lesson, i promise i’ll not fail you this time.”

He looked desperate, but I was having none of that shit. I tried to get to the kitchen to get the last pills but Sonic was desperate to not disappear again.

“NO PLEASE, PLEASE NO, I PROMISE I’LL BE BETTER”

When my hands get near the pills, he starts screaming, and hears bleeding screaming, and I accidentally dropped them.

“STOP IT SCREAMING, STOP IT!!! AAAHHH!!! SHUT UP!”

As the screaming continued, it came to a pause when I heard a knock at the door. I opened to see it was Maxwell Jones, my neighbor. I think he heard me screaming.

“Hey mate, you good? I heard some screaming from my room.”

“I’m just- Wait you’re Raynott’s friend right?”

“You mean Tom? yeah we are-”

“DO YOU HAVE ANY XANAX WITH YOU?”

“No i don’t… but i do have adderall”

“Would that calm the voices down?”

“Fuck no, that’s a focus drug”

“Fuuucccckkkk”

“I can call Tom if ya want”

“PLEASE!!!”

“Sheesh, okay just wait a sec”

Maxwell picks his phone and calls Tom, i just observe while he’s talking

“Hey Tom, you know your friend Richard? 

Yeah the smelly one.

Look, he said he needs some help, and can you be here to help him out a lil bit?

he has been screaming, and i want to study, please come quick.”

As we wait, we hear some fast footsteps, we see Tom running down the hall, when he gets near he almost trips over himself.

“Sorry! Got here as fast as I could! Here I bringed some more meds!”

He brings out a small plastic bag with some drugs, I could not recognize most of them.

“Would these help silence the voices?’

“Well, not forever, I've noticed you’re not that well put together, so I recommend talking to a professional.”

“That’s not an option.”

“Oh..”

he looked at me with a worried expression, then he looked at Maxwell, Maxwell made a shrug expressing i was a lost cause.

“Be careful with those, just take one at a time, it might be dangerous”

“Is okay, thank you.”

“Are you really gonna do this?”

I see Sonic standing in the corner, strangely more tall and thin than before, with even more cuts on his wrists and thighs.

“I AM DONE WITH YOU. YOU JUST MADE MY LIFE WORSE.”

“I thought you wanted me? I thought you wanted a friend?”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

“I’M ONLY DOING WHAT YOU WANTED RICHARD.”

“YOU RE USELESS! YOU’RE A GOOD FOR NOTHING, I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD YOU LITTLE IMBECILE SHIT!”

“...”

Tears started to fall from his face, he gags a little.

I pick up the pills, he immediately notices my intentions.

“Don’t you dare Richard.”

I picked all the pills at once and gulp them down, was hard with no water, but I did it.

“NO NO NO NO Ňσ η𝐎 几𝕆!!!”

He starts to contort, scream, and… grow?

His body expands, his ribs tear through his skin, exposing it, his face disappearing, a X scar expands and his body gets more abstract. like gas is coming out of him??

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

My head gets a little dizzy, it seems like taking all of the drugs at once was not a good idea at all…

Sonic… no. that thing, starts to laugh like a maniac, As the laughter gets louder and louder and I feel my body getting heavier, and it all went black.

As I slowly wake up, or atleast hope I woke up, I see that I'm in my bed, but… 

what?

I can’t- I CAN’T MOVE MY BODY?!

Why? Why? WHY???

As i try to struggle, i hear a laughter

I try to speak, but I can't.

Is that thing again, i can’t even make out what expression it’s making.

“Seems like your plan backfired hahaha…”

Those meds! I shouldn't have taken them all at once, maybe they’re the reason I'm paralyzed now.

“Exactly…”

It slowly walked near the bed, then it got up in the bed, holding my shoulders and breathing near my face, I could feel it like it was real. Is this really happening?? I’m scared

Please just let me go

“WHY??”

“KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF”

He screamed in my ear for what felt like hours. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I want to call for help, but I can't. I want to scream; but I can’t.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

I DON’T WANT TO DIE.

“KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOUSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF”

It feels like days i’ve been in here, unable to move, hearing this screaming non stop, please make this torture stop!

Then he stopped, he looked directly in my eyes. Those terrifying dilated eyes.

“I promise I'll make you happy…”

As it said those words, I hear a loud bang coming from my door, It was Tom?? please Tom save me.

As i hear the fast footsteps get to my room

I see a dagger go through the Tulpa’s body and stab me in the abdomen. I could not recognize the person who did this.

The Tulpa fastly notices what just happened, but it screams in confusion and denial.

“NO NO NO NO Ňσ η𝐎 几𝕆!!!”

ACK!-

it got on my Arteries, I don’t want to die! Not this way, not right now, please… It feels so cold.

I feel all my blood coming out, I feel my bed all wet.

“PLEASE RICHARD, STAY WITH ME”

I don’t want to die, please, I'm sorry Tom.

“RICHARD PLEASE, PLEASE LOOK AT ME”

I feel lighter, and… i… can’t… hear… him… anymore…

                         X

“NO NO NO NO Ňσ η𝐎 几𝕆!!!”

“I Can’t feel him anymore… where did he go?”

“Rich? please… i’m sorry”

“What happened…?”

“Where did he go…?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Please come back!”

“I promise i’ll do better”

“i-i i promise i won’t annoy you again”

“Rich… please come back…”

As Tulpa was weeping, a police officer passed by the door and saw Richard’s body

“CHIEF! We got another one!”

“Wow, he got killed in his sleep, poor guy.”

“This is such a tragedy…”

“LEAVE!!!”

Tulpa screams, but they can’t hear him, so his only choice is to ignore them.

After some time a team comes and take Richard’s body

Tulpa tried to stop them, but he couldn't 

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!! GET OFF HIM!”

After they got in the car, Tulpa was unable to keep up.

“Please don’t go…”

[mjthefaeva]

MJ VIDEO GAME STORY #1

So, backstory for those of you who don’t know ultra kill/ don’t know my specific issue I’ve been having.

Ultra kill is basically Dante’s Inferno if Dante’s ADHD was a fan of Blade Runner. You play as V1, a funky robot who is vampiric in the sense that it fuels based off of contact with blood. So after the death of Humanity, V1 decends into Hell, which is full of demons to kill for fuel.

Ok so apart of Ultrakill is trying to perfect each level, like Sonic but with a gun! (If any of you say Shadow, I will find you I swear to grod). And when you perfect each level in Time, Enemy kills, and Style (basically how many Techniques you pulled off in how flashy of a manner), all without dying once in the level, you get a P rank. And if you P rank every level in an Act (three layers in hell, Act 1 is Limbo, Lust, and Gluttony for example), then you get to go to a secret level

This is your Spoiler warning btw, if you don’t wanna have the very hard to get secrets spoiled, then I hope you have a good day!

Ok so once you P rank all levels in an act and find the secret door during the third layer of an Act, you find the Prime Sanctum. The prime sanctums are prisons for the most powerful beings in Hell that had to be locked away by the Archangel Gabriel, by order of The heavenly council (who have taken up the lead in the absence of God).

Now we don’t know who the Third Prime Sanctum prisoner is, but we do know the first two.

The second is Sisyphus prime, who I have yet to fight, while the First (and Focus of this post) is King Minos, or Minos Prime (the purified soul of the king of Lust. He was put down there for trying to make Hell more desirable on a layer he considered illogical. For why should people be damned to eternal punishment for the crime of loving eachother? And for that radical act. Gabriel came down and destroyed him. Minos didn’t fight, he only pleaded that Gabriel see reason.

So as you can imagine, this guy is locked up somewhere pretty fuckin tight. And he is. Deep within the lower Layers of Gluttony. In the darkness of void, only guided by a winding bridge made of vertebrae and lit by a single torch that you carry.

Upon reaching the door and placing the torch on a pedestal. You walk into a dark room, before ALL THE LIGHTS TURN ON AND NOW YOURE FIGHTING THE FLESH PRISON. The thing that holds Minos Prime, and you have to fight and kill it.

[jigensass]

Part 1 - Video Games

Part 1 – Video Games.

The more I wrote this list, the more that I realized I played a lot of games this year. More than average.

First off, the one shot sittings.

Unpacking – made me cry 10/10.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog. Best April fool’s Joke ever 10/10.

Papa’s Freezeria Deluxe. 7/10 because nostalgia.

Now, let’s start off with the real shit.

Persona 4 Golden – Yes I am aware this is a 10 year old game. I don’t care.

I have known about this game this its inception, most likely due to the now defunct playthrough from Super Best Friends. But not gonna lie, the pony version of this version was way much better.

I’ve ranted on Persona 5 so damn much but I actually enjoyed this game and the critical issues of the teenage psyche that it delved into alongside the purpose of the main villain, who I am not going to spoil. Even the mascot character was bear-able to hear because you could literally bench the guy since he didn’t become a member of your party until halfway through the game. And Teddy was never in my face on what to do and didn’t creepily live in my house. The game just gave me suggestions when important events would happen to nudge me to say ‘hey, you should probably do this thing.’ Unlike Morgana who kept saying ‘Hey, Hey. We must sleep. Do as I say and obey.’

Overall I just found it more engaging and new mechanics weren’t always being shoved down my face during every new chapter and if there were new mechanics to use, I hardly ever used them because I mostly stuck with the same four core of Yu, Yukiko, Yosuke, & Kanji. I really wish I could have had more time to play with Naoto but by the time she enters your party, the game is nearly entering the final battle and any missed content you forgot to pick up along the way.

And I obviously picked well to romance the goth girl Marie, because I got a secret ending.

Overall, solid 8/10.

Sherlock Holmes the Awakened.

So the Gigachads at Frogwares have done it again and managed to make a sequel to their prequel ambiguously gay Sherlock game and as a remake of one of their first point and click adventures where Sherlock takes on Cthulhu.

Meanwhile in the background of all this madness (and how maddeningly they played the ending to a remake be a sequel to the original), kept throwing this about.

I’m just saying, if they announce the remake for Nemesis, I will live stream it.

And for those who don’t know what Nemesis is, it’s Lupin Part 6, the way it was supposed to be.

There is a demo on steam, the game is very short due to its age and if the old puzzles frustrate you, the game has an entire guide to how to solve Lupin’s shenanigans built in. If you love old point-and-click Nancy Drew like games, you’ll like this.

Giving it a cocktease/10.

Final Fantasy XVI & Final Fantasy Crisis Core (I’m lumping these two together).

Crisis Core is…Crisis Core. It was my first time playing it and because I set it down I believe last year or when it first came out, picked it up again, and finished it in maybe two or three more sessions and a few guide reads later, it felt…eh.  It’s been a while since I’ve played it so since it really didn’t latch on to me like some further entries into the list, I would have been able to remembered some more.

However, I played FFXVI and there are only two things you need to take away from it.

The gays are winning.

Sex on the beach.

TORGO IS BEST BOI.

Cildilfus

No really that’s it. The combat for XVI is certainly something new. And at some points, it did make me cry. But overall because the game was so small and finite, it felt…unfulfilling. I wanted to spend more time in this world to get to know these characters. Yes, I am still a bit petty that when I played the demo before I bought the game they teased that you could also play as Joshua, maybe other characters, but that never came into fruition in the final version. Which makes me believe that this game had a lot more going for it than intended.

Just like the next game on the list…

Assassin’s Creed Mirage.

This game was probably the fastest I had explored a map within one sitting. My playthroughs for FFXVI and AC Mirage were about the same length. The return to form with the old stealth mechanics was refreshing, although I only played a small bit of Valhalla and that main character drove me nuts. However, I could have cared less about the story. It was all about that sweet, sweet map exploration. The very instant I was given free reign after the tutorial, I flipped off the first objective and went off to go explore the entire map. The glaring issues of how little work went into this game showed when I just waltzed up to the final area of the game with ease or how it felt boring that to have to backtrack through the plot to get half the armor and weapon upgrades that I went out of my own way to get on my own. At that point, I just didn’t care and the ending…yeah the ending made no sense to me at all.

5/10. Very mid.

But let’s go from mid to god tier and talk about the latest Yakuza- sorry Like a Dragon game, shall we?

Like a Dragon: Gaiden – The Man who Erased his Name

AFTER 7 YEARS, HE HAS RETURNED- No wait this is Joryu Jozuma, but everyone is calling him Kiryu Kazama? WHO IS HE?

Jesus Christ I hope the people at SEGA got paid well for making this DLC into a masterpiece in six months. https://automaton-media.com/en/interviews/20231030-22625/ (link it here)

Not going to lie, this is definitely one of the better titles in the RGG franchise to date up with Yakuza 0 and the original Ishin (more on this in a bit). It’s essentially ‘Yakuza Lite’ for anyone who wants to get into the series. It’s not the best place to start if you want to get invested, but it’s a good swallow pool to get your toes wet.

The story, depending on how much you know about the series, will make you cry during the end. RGG (the studio, not the game), brought their A-game with the animations and it has been a long time coming.

Most of the fan favorite minigames are here so there’s a little bit of everything for everyone. And although most of the game does feel like busy work, which it’s a Yakuza game. The whole vibe it is supposed to give is to get you invested in something so unrelated to the main story that 40 hours later you go, ‘wait, what the fuck was I supposed to be doing again?’

And I’m not going to lie, I’m glad the finishing of the completionist list and maxing out the Akane network to level 30 being completely optional is a breath of fresh air. Because the trophy list was so easy to attain, minus a few snags here and there, I am proud to say that RGG Gaiden is my first platinum trophy on PS5.

9/10.

Meanwhile on the other hand…the meme is dead.

At the beginning of this year around February, Yakuza Ishin Kiwami dropped to the mainstream western audience, officially making it localized. I’ve already played Ishin in its prime form, so to see the state the game was in was…very depressing.

This was the first RGG game to run on the Unreal Engine and it shows that the team was not well-versed with it and the time constraints on getting the game out did not help at all. I believe this game went through six or seven patches before they said ‘enough was enough’ and just let it be.

I even broke a portion of the game on a substory with the final mail delivery race. What happened is that I took a different path than the AI so he went off screen and sooner or later I realized I was kicking his ass. Upon further investigation, I noticed that he had gotten stuck in a loop on a bridge, which was not supposed to happen.

OH AND THE AUDIO BALANCING WITH THE NEW VOICE LINES IS REALLY GOOD WE SWEAR!

Just go find a copy of OG Ishin on Ebay or somewhere. I can hardly read Japanese and still had a good time. I did not have a good time with the clunky combat, the necessity of using the tropper cards (I never used them in my original playthrough in Ishin, why should I have to use them NOW? Shinada card OP.)

6/10. – Because Majima’s lines are obviously re-used, unlike Kiryu’s who got to have most, if not all of them, re-dubbed.  

Ace Attorney Spirit of Justice.

It took me so long, but I did it. Coincidentally, right around the second trilogy announcement for consoles came about. I sat down and played the current final game in the Ace Attorney series.

And what did I think of it?

Well, it’s a mess that is for sure. That fourth cock tease of a trial with Athena may or may not be getting her own game soon…eventually… is possibly the worst case in the entire series. And no, it’s not just because of this is the case that gave the internet the sheer thought of…………….clussy. It was boring, bland, uninteresting, and there were no stakes or ingenuity to use your brain to solve the case.

Apollo? Trans? High probability. I didn’t feel any kind of deep connection to what was going on and the plot twist at the end was…too be honest kind of dumb. Like in the…’oh you had no idea but look at this cool thing we did so it feels kind of empty’ rather than how I felt when it hit me like a truck about the obvious plot twist with Bridge to the Turnabout did. Listen I’m just linking HBomberGuy’s video on Sherlock because the analogy of the 12 hour trial and Bridge to the Turnabout are identical to Moffat’s Sherlock and the OG Sherlock serials. It was his idea first.

Really the only thing I can remember is the one post I made that popped off about Athena calling out Apollo for being flustered about Klavier.

Speaking of posts that popped off…

8. Obey Me! Nightbringer (aka dear god why do I make terrible decisions with my life).

So, the gacha otome game that ruined my life last year is getting a sequel prequel!

I’m not going to play it! The gameplay will probably be just more of the same-

It’s a rhythm game.

It’s. a. rhythm. game.

*audible screaming*

ANYWAY SO NINE MONTHS AND ABOUT TEN THOUSANDS ANALYSIS POSTS ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IN THIS GAME IS AWFUL- (no I’m not joking. I’ve analyzed Lucifer like I analyzed Jigen and dare I say this man is more akin to my inner struggles than Jigen will ever be.)

Don’t worry, the money spending has been a lot more sparse and comes in giant dumps during events of a card that I want rather than a consistent cash flow since the game is more of a way to have fun rather than a way to escape humanity. Due to how much my workload has becoming, I’ve just gone down from playing daily to just playing weekly to play the new story chapters. I’m probably just going to do the bare minimum to get anything out of the Christmas event (the plot is so silly it made me laugh, ngl).

Because the story is ongoing and my opinion on some characters has changed drastically over the course of the last week. I’m just going to make a tier list of how I feel the story have been IN ACCORDANCE TO THEIR ACTIONS. (mild theory spoilers) as well as how I actually see the characters.

PLOT OPINION

CHARACTER OPINION

Overall the game is enjoyable when it takes itself seriously.

But now we must address the elephant in the room aka the big star of this year’s game list?

WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK DO I HAVE 250 HOURS IN AMERICAN TRUCK SIMULATOR?

NO REALLY.

(btw add me on Steam, it means you actually read this disaster piece)

I don’t know what it is with this game just driving around in a big rig blaring country music is so…cathartic. It just makes me hate people in cars even more. If anything, this sparked my love for crappy 90’s country music to a spike. I admit it, it’s a guilty pleasure of mine. This is my guilty pleasure game. And judge me for it all you want. My inbox is obey.

But let’s get serious. I was going to just…ignore this game despite… THIS being the release showcase. This is how I initially found about this long game that had been in development and beta testing for many years beforehand. And don’t lie, this is probably how most people found out about it too.

But someone told me that the VA from Sherlock Chapter One was doing some of the moaning during the sex scenes and I just hopped onto the train

Of Baldur’s Gate 3.

I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into (I started playing around launch in late August, right around Hotfix #3 with the mirror came out). I knew next to nothing of the main lore of the Forgotten Realms universe, but my knowledge with D&D from college was basic, at best. And I was going to quit playing the game because I really did not like the constant top-down view camera. Until a co-worker, who was also playing said, ‘you know you can move that camera, right?’ So I came back, plugged in my PS4 controller into my computer and I was off to the races.

That was until when I went to go free up some space on my computer, this fucking piece of shit game nearly bricked my damned PC and I saved it with patience and by the grace of fucking Mystra herself because I deleted MY ENTIRE USER FOLDER LIKE AN IDIOT

Disclaimer: I have yet to finish the game because this is an OC simulator, I still want to play the Origin characters, as well as the Durge playthrough. Which, depending on how you play, is THOUSANDS OF HOURS of CONTENT. And there is just so many options and how you can go about things as well as that random chance of RNG.

I currently have four OC campaigns. I have not even touched the sheer tip of the iceberg. Azazel, the buff High Elf Bard who is fucking Halsin. Donna, the sorcerer Luna, the Wood-Elf Druid Burrito, the human warlock. (This is by far the craziest playthrough so far)

I am also writing this after the game awards so congrats to Larian for getting the sweep they deserved. All the other games that were nominated this year were just a blip on the radar compared to what BG3 was doing. The gameplay is not innovative outside of the world of D&D, but they hit a homerun with all of the story that is crammed into this game and did it so well that they continued to update the game MONTHS after the open release with change of life styles and multiple bug fixes that many players enjoyed.

Also all of the voice actors are beautiful. They all did a fantastic job with their work. But you know who this is about now.

(I go looking for one specific video and I find this fucking piece of gold while the game was still in beta access.)

Yes we are going to be talking about Astarion (or for me at first it was A-‘stair’-ion).

What do I think of him? Since I have seen many posts going around that apparently a portion of the fan community cannot separate between actor and the art. I made this meme.

Yes, Neil is a very precious man and deserves more work in the industry after his spring board with Astarion. I do not associate him with Astarion outside of their voices because I hate to love Astarion. The man is a fucking slut of a PROSECUTOR. He would make Miles Edgeworth jealous because he took his husband of an attorney and would make Klavier Gavin foam at the mouth at his sense of style is 10000x better than his. He would be slaying in the courtroom ALL THE TIME.

Astarion is the devil on every player’s shoulder that goes ‘yeah we could be goody-two shoes but is that fun? No, no it isn’t. Spill some blood, just for me kitten.’ And you wouldn’t hesitate to do it.

My bard, Azazel, who was mostly aligned with good, had a neutral relationship with Astarion going into Act 3. Astarion at this point was EVERYONE’S Devil and I blame him for Gale getting into deeper shit with Mystra than he already had been. Azazel would always listen to what Astarion would had to say, but never would be drag along with his shenanigans, despite keeping him around to use as a distraction to try multiply times to steal 10 scrolls of dimension door from the wizard shop in Baldur’s Gate. Did I do? Fuck yes I did. Was it worth it? Hell yes it was.

MEANWHILE, I’m currently going through the game as well, me, as a human warlock. And let me tell you, this game will show you what kind of person you actually are. And truth be told, I’m a decent person, but will go the shady route to get things done. I almost ALMOST sided with Minathra based on looks alone until I found out she sounded like a crazed member of the Alt-Right and was going to also kill the refugees. I pissed some kids off, lied, stole, but somehow in the name of Mystra, just because I fed Gale some magic items and heard him out did he instantly rise to ‘excpetional’ status without me even realizing it. He instantly became an incel because you guessed it, some white-haired vampire seduced me into sleeping with him and THEN the githyanki because I helped HER out of her problems wanted to sleep with me. THEN THE VAMPIRE found out I was sleeping with the githyanki, and told me ‘it’s either me or the gith’.

It was a hard decision: Being stepped on, or good sex.

Obviously I chose the latter. Because I’m a sucker. Though I really do wish I could let this go on.   

[ramblingguy54]

Sonic & Tails R: A Love Letter To Miles Tails Prower’s Characterization

     Warning: This will contain massive spoilers for the short radio play series of Sonic & Tails R. If you haven’t listened to the radio play yet on Youtube, I’d highly recommend any hardcore Sonic fan who hasn’t seen it check it out. It’s one Hell of a treat.

     For as far back as I can remember in my childhood, Tails’ story of trying to step outta Sonic’s shadow has been such a resonating one for myself. Even when I was a much younger kid playing my Dreamcast, during entries like Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, there was some idea lingering about why Tails just stood out more emotionally in his journey to grow beyond depending on Sonic all the time for help. Now here I am a young adult in my late twenties having such a deeper appreciation of this little two tailed genius kiddo because he’s got an important element that’s made him so beloved for good reason.

     In spite of his genius being a rival to that of Eggman’s high IQ and of course proving to surpass it plenty of times when scenarios boil down to being a high stakes battle, Miles Tails Prower beneath it all is still just like any one of us. We’re all trying to find our place in this world about what defines us for who we are as unique people. He wants to be more than just seen as someone who’s alongside Sonic The Hedgehog’s never say die attitude, but prove he’s plenty capable of standing on his own two feet to protect everything the kid holds dear to himself. Underdog stories, when they’re naturally executed very well, can reel me in so easily. They are very much my bread & butter trope I adore seeing.

     To no one’s surprise, the two Sonic Adventure’s iterations portrayal of Tails’ characterization are hands down some of my favorite writing for the two tailed fox, regarding what the 3D era has done toward him, development wise. It gave him more of an existential struggle to endure like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t around to help stop Eggman? What if I’m not strong enough to accomplish what he can?”, making Tails plight to be seen as an equal all the more endearing when stopping Eggman in his climatic battle against the Egg Walker in Station Square. This here is a great use of a timeless lesson you can apply in life that if you set you heart and mind on anything, there isn’t a thing you can’t accomplish on your own, which is why many fell in love with Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s writing for Miles Tails Prower’s journey of independence.

     As someone who comes from a large family tree of relatives, I feel the weight of my existence on my shoulders at a number of points more than I’d care to count, admittedly. Seeing Tails struggle with his sense of purpose, in contrast to observing how much Sonic has accomplished with his carefree, yet deeply compassionate attitude, means the world to me in watching another trying to comprehend their value as a whole on how much they matter, overall. This is a big part of why my fondness for SA1 & 2′s quality has never wavered over these years, besides still obviously enjoying most of their game play mechanics. People can try to debate to their heart’s content on whether the Adventure games still hold up in their own eyes, but I’ll always respect them for how they tried to develop certain characters, such as Tails, Gamma, and Shadow The Hedgehog notably, to attempt expanding upon their characters, as well as world building.

     I won’t bother going into a rant about how Sonic’s recent 3D games have butchered Tails’ personality & relatable nature, due to the current writers in charge of handling the cast of characters. More or less, I greatly empathize toward the notion many have already stated about Tails being so cowardly and God forbid, looking at Lost World, downright severely mean spirited. Rather, I’m obviously writing this lengthy post to breakdown why Sonic & Tails R succeeds, where these certain 3D games have greatly faltered in exploring Tails’ emotional dilemmas as an insecure, yet still having the courage to prove himself, talented boy full of hidden potential he doesn’t quite realize, until his back is against the wall in life threatening situations.

“That day, I realized I couldn’t depend on you forever. Not that I can’t depend on you, but like, “What happens when Sonic isn’t here?”, you know?”

     Sonic & Tails R further delves into this fundamental rule of what has defined Tails in Sonic Adventure 1 & 2′s stories of events where Sonic wasn’t there to aid his best bud in taking down Eggman’s evil efforts for global domination, most importantly his fear of defending the Earth without his role model. Besides what I already stated in SA1′s events in Station where he stopped the Egg Walker, as well as the missile Eggman launched from detonating before their climatic battle, Tails watched Sonic blow up in ARK’s capsule presuming him to be dead after Sonic imparted how much faith he has in the kid’s abilities to be truly strong in the face of any foe. Sonic & Tails R manages to use fan service in a way that doesn’t feel like “pandering” for the sake of it, using this past canon material to do more of an in-depth study about Miles’ anxieties of existing without Sonic.

     Wouldn’t put it past them if EmuEmi & crew were using SA2′s Sonic death fake out scene in that space capsule to further add trauma to Tails’ psychological attachment to Sonic, as well as his insecurities of depending on him too much, to boot. While it’s never obviously outright stated in their radio play, I definitely believe they were factoring this element into adding dramatic exploration for why Tails is so self-conscious about the worst case scenario of permanently losing Sonic. Watching Sonic supposedly die put Tails into a deeper state of self-reflection, so I very much enjoyed how they went using these past events to create a thorough exploration about him learning just as it’s important to realize you need to stand up for yourself without using someone else as a crutch all the time, it’s doubly important to remember there’s nothing wrong about asking someone for help when you’re about to be down and out with little options left.

     Sonic & Tails R beautifully builds upon the foundation these two games’ stories left behind years ago, creating new damn great material to explore with the most iconic characters of this cast, Sonic & Tails brotherly dynamic. I’ve been praising Sonic & Tails R out the wazoo for how well it captured Tails underdog story of overcoming death defying odds, but it managed to remind me how simply adorable and outright wonderfully endearing their brotherly chemistry is as a whole. This is a big friendly reminder Sonic isn’t all about being cocky wise cracking character making meta jokes left and right, but he can be plenty capable of showing serious compassion to anyone he values as an ally and friend. This is no greater evident, than with him verbally lifting Tails up in his time of need when he’s self-depreciating his own significance. It can be seen in Episodes 2, 4, and 7 giving Tails motivational pieces of advice.

    Episode 2 In Adabat’s Cavern

-Sonic: Wasn’t it your radar that helped us find these Emerald shards in the first place? How could you be slowing us down when you’ve gotten us this far?

-Tails: But, I...

-Sonic: I could never make something like that. You’re the smartest person I know, Tails. One way or another, we’ll figure this out, count on it.

         Episode 4 In Holoska After Helping Silver Save The Chao

-Sonic: So, what was that back there? At the cave, in Adabat? -Tails: What do you mean? -Sonic: Frozen stiff. Confidence shot. It’s not like you. It was more than feeling like you were “slowing us down”, right?

        Episode 7 Inside The Egg Carrier 3

-Sonic: Let’s split up! I’ll distract them and you can go after the energy source. -Tails: You’re gonna take them on all by yourself!? Let me help, Sonic! -Sonic: No time for this, Tails. Stop overthinking and just go! If I can get their attention, I’ll take the heat off of you and that room you’re going to probably won’t have any security. Take this emerald and I’ll take the other one we have. It’ll lead me right to you after I beat these guys. -Tails: O-Okay... -Sonic: Hold on, Tails! Listen to me. Don’t stop moving and be careful. I’ll be fine and so will you!

     Sonic & Tails R remembers the most crucial detail of their important relationship. One isn’t better than the other and needing to always rely upon that notion for helping one outta a jam, but instead showcases how they’re equals as a team/bros. Sonic may be super fast and strong, however Tails has his intelligence to analyze situations in a different angle Sonic wouldn’t necessarily consider, per say. Which isn’t to say Tails couldn’t put up a fight either, as we’ve seen in SA1 & SA2′s stories where he faced Eggman one on one with no outside help to best him at his own game of wits & strength.

     We get see the apex of this idea through Tails facing Eggman in his super improved mecha walker. Although Tails may get thrown for a loop here at first by Eggman, it’s his villainous speech about winners and losers in their world that ironically does the exact opposite of what he intended. Eggman wanted to crush Tails’ sense of self worth before finishing him off, but all it did was reignite the very lesson Sonic told him earlier before running to distract Eggman’s robotic minions. That said lesson of he’s more than capable of facing dangerous threats

-Eggman: Poor boy. We all have to learn this lesson, sooner or later. In every game there’s no one you can depend on. You’re all alone and you’re either a winner, or a loser. And as you know, loser’s lose all of their lives. Say goodbye, fox!

-Tails: You’re wrong! I can depend Sonic! I won’t let him down! I can’t because...Because he’s depending on me! And because of that I won’t lose to you!

     This radio play strikes a good balance in utilizing the grey moral area about depending on someone vs it being an unhealthy display of attachment derived from serious insecurity. Word’s can’t begin to describe how much I loved this moment to pieces because it’s oh so important for writing Tails’ characterization. If you’re going to tackle him being super self conscious about his reliance on Sonic, then you gotta remember why they are so close to one another to begin with. Sonic & Tails have an unbreakable connection, considering they’ve brought out their best qualities in themselves from being together as individuals. For Sonic, it’s his older brother compassion to Tails to bring him outta feeling melancholy. For Tails, the kid finally understands there isn’t anything wrong with depending on Sonic when he needs it most.

     After all, that’s what a real healthy friendship is all about. Whether you’re giving someone a dose of tough love, or simply a piece of motivational advice, it defines how much you truly care about someone, period. Sonic & Tails have this very same power from their bond, which is why new emeralds form from their compassionate friendship that hasn’t been shaken after all the years they’ve been together. Another detail worth noting is it adds to the lore in an impactful manner when Tikal expresses in Episode 8 about positive connections and thoughts from users of the Chaos Emeralds having a strong will & heart. Using the ideas they had for encapsulating Sonic & Tails’ dynamic to create new emeralds from their love for each other as brothers adds an emotional weight.

“So, Sonic’s not the only one who harness the power of the Chaos Emeralds? I can too!?”

“Yes, you have a strong heart! There is a power waiting to be unlocked within you, as well.”

          I’d always daydreamed about in my childhood seeing Super Sonic & Tails take down a threatening villain, whether it was Eggman or different powerful creature such as Chaos or the Biolizard. You can imagine how fucking giddy I was beyond belief to see this artwork of Episode 9′s cover for the radio play. Tails not only got to have another one on one with Eggman, but a team up with Super Sonic in his own respective Super form? Sign me the Hell up! Talk about an all you eat buffet of good writing for Tails’ journey reaching its climax. Getting to hear this play out, alongside the amazing song of Fly With Me, made it authentically feel like something straight outta if there were an installment of Sonic Adventure 3 being brought into reality, which certainly feels like it now.

     Episode 9 has so much awesome stuff with Sonic & Tails working together in their super forms. Particularly, my favorite scene is at the beginning when Sonic teaches Tails how to navigate his newly acquired speed in his respective Super form. My heart melted hearing Sonic help Tails through it all, while he was overjoyed about how fun this new form is for himself. Wholesome Sonic & Tails content is the perfect daily serotonin for me, easily. It’s an awesome fun fact to know they used a scrapped boss from Tails Tornado segment in SA1 for Eggman’s flying dragon three headed robot in their big final battle, once again using old canon material in a very effective manner to boost the quality of their fan made story.

     It’s been a real thrill to hear Mike Pollock play a straight forward serious Eggman making my day in more ways than one, considering that’s another thing I’ve been yearning for desperately besides Tails being a competent character again. His performance in Episode 9 when Eggman gave that speech about how long he’s been at odds with Sonic & Tails stubborn will power was simply excellent. The moment he told his mechanical dragon to crush them I got serious chills. That’s the Eggman I remember and grew up with. He could be a hammy villain sure, but Eggman wasn’t a doormat that could be swiftly beaten. Robotnik can be considered a serious threat in his own right and this radio play nailed it down to the very letter with how much he predicted their actions.

“Sonic, all I ever wanted to do was be like you. You’re not scared of anyone or anything. I could never be like that. At least, so I thought. I grew from that, but then I got so caught up in trying to prove it that thought it wasn’t okay to depend upon anyone, especially you. I just didn’t want to be that scared little kid in Station Square anymore, but now I understand. It’s okay to depend on your friends. It all means is that we’re stronger together, so the next time Eggman comes back and wants to start any trouble with you, or any of my friends. Emeralds or no emeralds, he’s gonna have to get past me and he won’t!”

Sonic By Episode 1′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here we come!

Tails By Episode 10′s End: Aww, yeah! Adventure, here I come!

Turn your thoughts into power. Be all that you can be.

     The ending legit got me choked up because what of they decided to do for wrapping up Tails journey in a poetic fashion. Having Tails go off on his own separate journey to grow more independence pulled on my heart strings perfectly. Very much so, as I’m transitioning slowly, but surely, into gaining more freedom to go out into the outside world in my own life. Concluding the story, by Sonic & Tails holding onto the two Emeralds their bond had formed from positive energy, due to their powerful friendship, was so heartwarming. This is how you write an overview of what makes Sonic & Tails chemistry work so well as it does.

     Sonic & Tails R’s ending represents while some things never change, like Sonic and Tails bond for each other, it also shows there’s very much a necessity for people to grow, hence Tails’ whole solo journey in the epilogue. People can’t stay in the same place forever and will need go about finding their own path, even if it means saying “goodbye” periodically for a notable amount of time.

     It’s for these reasons I’ve listed in great explanation above throughout this detailed post cement Sonic & Tails R high on my list of favorite Sonic fan projects. They captured the magic of what made the Adventure games so beloved. Gonna be looking back on this passion project for many years to come. Everyone involved in this year long effort of a project dating all the way back Summer of 2020 ought to be immensely proud for how much their hard efforts paid off in the long run.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts here! 

Hope you enjoyed. 

[happymetalgirl]

Album Chronology - Death

The whole ranking-albums-from-worst-to-best has been done to death to the point of staleness at this point, but mostly due to the format, at least to me. I’ve read so many damn worst-to-best lists at this point that they’re all kind of predictable even when they’re seemingly trying to force some kind of novelty or surprise factor by putting a fan-favorite or highly revered album really low in a ranked list. It’s all gotten pretty dry at this point, plus, to me, I can’t help but see a little bit of futility in compiling lists for active artists whose next release will render such a list so quickly obsolete. I honestly had the idea of doing something tier-related to make it less rigid a year or so ago, but lo and behold, tier-list videos are the newest horse getting beaten to death. So rather than jumping around an artist’s catalog and tossing in some spicy hot takes, I figured why not take the chronological approach and trace the story of the artist’s creative trajectory, and not spoil the #1 spot by revealing the #2 spot.

So why do these kinds of lists? Also, why Death?

I make this little chronology to offer my insight into Death’s discography partly for the reason so many others have made similar rankings: to appreciate Death’s music and the huge legacy Chuck Schuldiner left through it. But I also make this because I do think my perspective on Death is a somewhat unique one, at least among Death fans. Chuck Schuldiner was an incredibly talented musician and a beloved figure within the world of metal, and that aspect of his legacy has undoubtedly been enhanced by the untimeliness and unfairness of his passing. The guy certainly had a strong presence on the stage and a certain charisma off of it, and his cherishing of animals surely resonates with me as well. Death was also hardly my first death metal band, so I do think that gives me a bit less of a nostalgic perspective on their legacy. I still enjoy a lot of the same things about Death that most fans do, and at the end of this list, it might not really end up being all that shocking or controversial, just a slightly tempered version of what most fans would make. I’m pretty long-winded, so I’ll cut the intro and get into the music: Death.

1987 - Scream Bloody Gore

I have to reinforce my position right from the get-go about having a more measured view of the band’s catalog because the spicy takes come right out of the gate with Death’s debut album, Scream Bloody Gore. The sour really isn’t all that sour and it comes with a little bit of sweet right afterward too: I think this is Death’s worst album. But that just means it only gets better from here, and I do still really like it. It’s a classic in its own right that started Death on a more solid footing than the average debut project in very new territory at the time and I again do genuinely still like it a lot; I own it, along with the rest of the band’s catalog, on vinyl. But it is, as I mentioned, a first step into new territory, and rather naturally primordial, which indeed has its own appeal in the context of the era it came from and for which it deserves tremendous appreciation. There is indeed a lot to appreciate here. I love the persistence of the bass line in the title track, the hooks of songs like “Zombie Ritual” and “Baptized in Blood”, and the amped up Slayer-inspired extremification of thrash metal that would only snowball further as the band and the genre they helped pioneer progressed. But the primary role Scream Bloody Gore served was to lay the groundwork for Death to expand upon in that early era that would itself later become the groundwork for their more ambitious progressive tilt during the second half of their career. I’ll throw it out right here just to get it outbid then way, it’s not exactly a hot take, but some Death fans are partial the other way; it’s probably already evident, but I prefer the band’s second era from Human to Perseverance. Personally I think bands like Morbid Angel and Cannibal Corspe were more suited to this primal gory form of early death metal, and I think Death would have wound up being seen as merely a pretty good band in a tier below those guys if they had stuck with what they were doing with their debut and the two albums that followed for the rest of their career. Again, Scream Bloody Gore is by no means a bad album, or even a rough start, kind of a Kill ‘em All sort of debut that laid solid foundations and allowed for greatness to follow but indeed stands well enough on its own.

7/10

1988 - Leprosy

The band’s sophomore release just a year later showed immediate signs of improvement. The trimmed track list with more meticulously groomed songs (and a greater density of sick riffs) produced several live staples for the band, like the title track, “Left to Die”, and especially the ever-traditional concert-closer “Pull the Plug”. But there was more than just better riffs and more focus on perfecting the songs here. The production on Leprosy was clearer than the band’s debut the year before, and the writing was generally more sophisticated too, incorporating a bit more flashy technicality that would soon escalate to an echelon that would end up characterizing their sound more comprehensively. Soon-to-be vestigial characteristics of the debut album still remained: tons of wailing Slayer-sequence guitar solos, thrashy blast beats, the focus of palm-muted tremolo riffing, and more fantastical, brutal lyricism. But Leprosy presented these more mid-brow elements in a more impressive arrangement than its predecessor.

8/10

1990 - Spiritual Healing

My personal favorite of the band’s grittier first half of their career, Spiritual Healing was really just a more consistent continuation (to my ears at least) of the refined early death metal sound of Leprosy. The band were starting to develop a more signature style of riffing, as well as soloing that they would take with them into their next four albums. By now most of the gory detail was taking the backseat to Schuldiner’s psychological analysis of certain “Defensive Personalities”, parasitic religious manipulation by televangelists, and prenatal cocaine exposure. The more high-mindedness of Spiritual Healing also ushered in another ramp up in the band’s technicality that made the progression into the heady technical death metal of Human a rather natural one. The band’s last album in their so-called “traditional” or “brutal” or “classic” death metal era played around a lot more with the dynamic range of the genre and it really ran the gamut of what Death had done up to that point within that style of death metal and beyond, the title track being my personal favorite example of this ability the band had to contort the genre to fit their more expansive needs while keeping everything in the confines of death metal. It’s my favorite song on the album and of this era of Death’s career. At this point, Death had pretty robustly demonstrated their ability with the genre in its more primitive form, and evolved it along the way quite a lot at that, to the point where they really had nothing more they had to say with the style, an impressive feat after three albums. Sure they could have probably spun their tires in the mud for a few more albums (knowing now that Chuck Schuldiner sadly only had a little more than a decade left), but the direction this album had the band heading in was pretty apparent. The only question was if the band would take the leap into the upper echelons of technicality and explore the new frontier that they were headed toward. Thankfully for us, the band had plenty of ambition left in them. As for the last album of their first half of their career, it’s hard to find many complaints with, and one that capped off this era of Death in complimentary fashion.

9/10

1991 - Human

After reaching their peak with bruntly aggessive death metal, Death’s fourth album began a second act for the band, one that sought to elevate their style to a more progressive form of death metal. It was a change that was pretty strongly indicated by the direction the band had been heading in and the step up in technicality on Spiritual Healing. Human takes the solos and the fast-paced guitar passages and bass lines to new extremes that the genre had never seen before, and the lyrical shift to more heady, cerebral, existential themes fit well with the significantly increased musical complexity that the album introduced. The technically dazzling yet infectious riffing of “Together as One” and “Flattening of Emotions”, the still-tasty hooks of the former and “Suicide Machine”, and the tasty percussive rhythm of “Lack of Comprehension” made those songs live staples. The band were still kind of finding their footing with the compositional aspects of this new realm, but the grounding in the aggression of their previous work with the voyage into the techy unknown was a good thing to start with and a good way to explore some new sonic territory while safely tethered to what was effective for them previously that produced some pretty impressive results.

8/10

1993 - Individual Thought Patterns

Carrying forward the ambition for significantly increased technicality that began with Human on to their fifth album, Death were still getting the hang of things with Individual Thought Patterns, which isn’t all to surprising or something to impugn the band for given the difficulty mode that had selected to play the creative game on, and the band still made some significant improvements with the integration of the hyperspeed technicality into their sound. Even more than the subsequent Symbolic, Individual Thought Patterns made the technicality so much more of a focus where, to me, this was Death’s first bonafide technical death album. Human was definitely pretty technical, but on Individual Thought Patterns, Death cut the cord and let themselves float off into the dizzying cosmos of instrumental technicality and tailored their compositional practices to fit that need. If there was any contingent of fans struggling to keep up with Death’s progression or hoping for a scale-back to the more brutish early albums, they were left behind with Individual Thought Patterns, save perhaps for the consolation of more traditionally groovy closing track, “The Philosopher”, but rampant speed-fests like “Overactive Imagination” and odd-timed melodic groovers like “Trapped in a Corner” quickly became fan favorites. If there’s one thing Individual Thought Patterns lacked, it was balance, but that wasn’t going to be a problem for very long...

8/10

1995 - Symbolic

Ah, Symbolic, there’s not gonna be any surprising bucking of the trend or “bold” underrating here. In a catalog that so many fans regard as perfect, Symbolic stands out as the most common fan favorite, and for good reason. The album synthesized everything that had made Death such a force to be reckoned with in the death metal world. Weaving together the early era’s delicious primal grooves, the elevated technicality that had become a solidified facet of the band’s style, and their newly blossoming progressive inclinations, Symbolic remains the band’s most comprehensively representative and accomplished work, the best place for any newcomer to the legendary act to start, and the best album in their acclaimed discography. The song-writing is tight and interesting from start to finish, seasoned with both tasty riffs and captivating displays of technicality that enhanced the songs rather than the players’ appetites for indulgence, and kept consistently interesting with frequent tasteful dynamic shifts and surprising twists and turns. I would undoubtedly go on forever if I were to detail the brilliance of every song on here, the majestic melodies and winding structure of “Crystal Mountain”, the catchy commentary on mass surveillance of “1,000 Eyes”, the invigorating double-bass of “Misanthrope”, and the iconic riffing of the opening title track. Instead I’ll quickly highlight two songs that seem to go unnoticed that I find particularly beautiful for the unexpected compositional moves Death makes on them. The first is the song, “Without Judgement”, which abruptly drops its techdeath winding to hypnotize with a gorgeous and emotive melodic solo that seems rather uncharacteristic for Death that I just love, and the second is the closing track, “Perennial Quest”. It’s the longest song in the band’s discography up to this point, only to be just marginally eclipsed by “Flesh and the Power It Holds” on the subsequent album, and it embarks on a similarly proggy and melodic odessey to that of “Crystal Mountain”, but it’s the somber and mournful electric/acoustic outro that would soon become all too tragic for Death fans to listen to that concludes the album on such a heartfelt note in such beautifully fitting fashion. There’s no other moment like it in Death’s catalog, and it’s always a solemn, conclusive reminder of just how much light Chuck Schuldiner and Death brought to this world and how lucky we are to have albums like this. I’ll end my sentimental bit here and conclude by briefly summing up my thoughts on the album. Symbolic is Death’s magnum opus and a masterpiece among masterpieces that captures nearly everything that makes Death and death metal appealing and that had made the genre so predominant for decades since, and beyond being their best, to me, it is a perfect album.

10/10

1998 - The Sound of Perseverance

Death’s final album seemed to set them on yet another new musical course after the second run through the steady improvement over the course of a three-album cycle. The longest album of the band’s seven and including the longest songs in their catalog on average, The Sound of Perseverance took Death on quite the progressive joyride, and surprisingly (to me at least) it kind of split and confused some fans who had just gotten used to the band’s digestible technicality on Symbolic. Granted, I was just a little baby bitch boy when this came out, but personally I don’t see why this was such a shock to the system for so many fans (apparently), the band had always been pretty ambitious and this was a pretty logical next step for them to expand their continually expanding sound. The structures on the band’s seventh album are less conventional and more packed with extensive technical passages, and the band do pull out a good few more surprises than they ever did in any album previously, like the acoustic/electric guitar-solo instrumental “Voice of the Soul”. But The Sound of Perseverance is by no means any kind of contrived over-indulgence in ideas grander than what the band could accomplish or frothy wank-fest. The band was already developing a bit of a progressive bend in the previous three-album arc and they simply took it to the next level the same way they did with their instrumental technicality on Human. And fans did indeed vibe with plenty of songs on The Sound of Perseverance, with the impressively vocally high soaring “Spirit Crusher”, the angular and unpredictable “Scavenger of Human Sorrow, and even the lengthy, and indeed structurally confounding, prog-techdeath monolith “Flesh and the Power It Holds” making their way into the band’s setlists on their last tours. And of course the album ends on the well-earned, fun, high-octane cover of Judas Priest’s “Painkiller”, which finds Schuldiner incredibly nailing the songs high melody with his high-pitched death shrieking style (and finishing with never-before-heard clean vocals). For the reputation it has for eschewing balance for high-minded progness, The Sound of Perseverance is by no means a hard pivot from or unrecognizable from Symbolic. Its bold expounding upon aspects of their sound that already seemed pretty evolved while remaining musically engaging and not sacrificing what made their previous work appealing, and sheer magnitude and impressiveness of the band’s third venture into new territory again do sometimes make me question whether I like it more than Symbolic. While it did seem to pave the way for another new mind-blowing era of Death that death took away from us, The Sound of Perseverance has become a glorious and aptly titled swan song and a testament to the band’s and Schuldiner’s relentless ambition and, indeed, genius. Eternal cheers to Chuck and to Death.

9/10

And that’s it, eleven years and seven albums that continually revolutionized death metal and paved the way for so much of what we hear today. Anyone reading this of course probably knows most of all of this, but it’s still astonishing to think about how much Death did for the genre in such a relatively short time, and, for me at least, even having already been a pretty big fan of Death, listening to these albums from Scream Bloody Gore to The Sound of Perseverance, it reminded me more viscerally of the quality of the music and respected legacy of the band that I have always intellectually acknowledged and agreed with, which I figured I’d share here. If, somehow, you’ve come across this and you’re not into Death or death metal but you’re open to it and interested, you’re in for a treat. Put on Symbolic and just enjoy the trip down the rabbit hole.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #407

“sugar pop, sugar pop, baby here i come, straight to #1″

Do you follow any special diet? (dairy free, vegetarian, gluten free etc.) No. What’s your favourite summer activity? Swimming is all I really enjoy about summer. Who was the first person to break your heart? It wasn't in a romantic sense obviously, but my dad. First band you obsessed about? I've only ever *truly* been obsessed with Ozzy Osbourne as a band, haha. First place someone took you on a date? I want to say a local skating rink. It was a group thing. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, if you include the closet door. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Quite a few. Which movie villain do you find the most terrifying? Well, if you've seen the scene where Pyramid Head literally rips a woman's skin off like a sheet in Silent Hill... u kno. I genuinely do find him to be a terrifying monster though, all bias aside. Humanoid monsters with ambiguous faces unsettle me. I wouldn't want that knife swingin at me, either. Do you get grumpy when you’re hungry? Yuuuup, I sure can. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? I have done that maybe twice in my whole life. Which one of your family members are you closest to? My mom. If chocolate was an illegal drug - would you be a drug addict? Nah. I'd be able to survive if it was illegal, but it would suck. Are you proud of your parents? Yes in some areas, no in some others. There are things both have said and/or done that I can't say I'm proud of them for, but overall, I am. Do you say “soda” or “pop”? "Soda." Are you shy about singing in front of people? YUP. I just don't do it. If you could get backstage tickets to ANY concert - which would you pick? Ozzy. :') It'd be fantastic to tell him thank you for his music that has always brought me joy and comforted me, and also let him know for sure just how strong he is and that it is absolutely not overlooked to still be nailing out an album while fighting Parkinson's. I'd probably start blubbering like a baby while rambling at some point, haha. Which is better: orange or grape soda? Orange. I don't like grape soda. Do you sleep with a sleep mask? Well, you could sort of call it that, ha ha. I have to wear an APAP mask to subdue my sleep apnea that causes wild nightmares/terrors. Do you like techno music? It's actually grown on me the past few months. Have you ever been drunk? No, I've never quite reached that point. I've only been tipsy. Are you mad at your best friend right now? Nope, got no reason to be. Do you know anybody with a pet snake? Yes, including myself. Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? WATER. ABSOLUTELY WATER. I canNOOOOOOT do room temperature water anymore. It's gotta be pretty damn cold for me to drink it like it's nothin'. Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? No. Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Mom likes to donate our old clothes and stuffed animals. Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was a little kid when this happened, so. I don't know if my parents did. Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? HA, I do. I love "Who's That Girl." When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Wow, probably years... I really, really want one now, ha ha. Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? Well, my sister's friend, anyway. I was just sitting on the computer in the living room and there they were on the couch just casually making out. Do you enjoy doing math? Fuuuuck no. Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh, I know she does. There are things she's done that I know I have plenty of missing details from, but I don't ask because I know they're sensitive subjects. Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? No. Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I usually just smile. Do you use scented soap in the shower? Yes. It smells like cinnamon rolls and it is HEAVENLY. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Ha, Sara. Yeah. Dark or light colored jeans? Dark, 100%. I never wore light jeans. Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? No sir. Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? That's an even bigger "no." Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? No. What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? Idk. Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Thank fucking Christ I haven't. I am terrified of them. Have you ever colored your eyebrows? No. Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? Pain medicine, yes. Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No. I'm not interested to, either. Have you ever gotten dressed with the windows open? I definitely don't believe so. Have you ever taken a shower outside? At the beach, yes. If you could call it a "shower." Have you ever been to a junkyard? No. Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? No. If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? Probably a current iPhone. Apple is such a rip-off, but damn is the camera good lmao. Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? This will be my first Halloween in this house, so I really don't know if trick-or-treaters happen here. Do you like huskies? Love 'em, but I could neeeever own one with all that fur. What do you smell like? I'm always self-conscious over if I smell like sweat because of my hyperhidrosis. I hope not. Do you take your dog for walks? I don't have a dog. I used to take Teddy when he was younger, though. He loved those, but I stopped when I noticed his arthritis kicking in. Have you ever went paintballing? No. Seems stupid to me, honestly... Like that shit seems painful, so like, why??? What kind of movies are you drawn to? Horror and fantasy, mostly. I don't watch movies often. How often do you update your Facebook status? Just about never because I either just have nothing to say or am afraid of saying something stupid. I only ever share posts or pictures that appeal to me. What type of pet would you like to have? A Brazilian Black tarantula. :( I will whine about that until the day I get one, ha ha. I would also really, really like a plains hognose and a woma python. What breakfast are you most likely to have? Cereal. When you're starting to feel sick, you: It depends on what kind of "sick," but odds are I'm heading for the medicine cabinet. What colors are you most drawn to? Pastel ones. :') Light and pretty. What deadly sin are you most likely to commit? Sloth. When you're away from home, what makes you feel at home? "Having my stuff with me, like my laptop." <<<< Same. Do you prefer to lounge in a hot tub or swim in a pool? Swim. How many books do you have out in the public areas of your house? None. Who makes a better burger, in your opinion? Sonic. @_@ What do you like best about the holidays? Seeing my niece and nephew so excited. You think your eyes convey: Boredom, probably. Besides screaming for ice cream, what else do you scream for? If a bug surprises me by being on me. Well, depending on the bug. Do you like fried chicken? Noooo, it is so gross to me. What do you think of belly button piercings? They are SO cute imo. I want one, but I think it would look hideous on me. Maybe if I was actually thinner. Not saying bigger people can't wear belly button piercings, I just don't think it would look good on me. Do you like plain Lays potato chips? They're my favorite! I especially like the ruffled kind. Is there a big screen television in your house? In the living room, yeah. Would you rather no heat in winter or no A.C in summer? No heat in the winter, EASILY. I can't handle no A/C when it's hot. At least if you're cold, you can bundle up with tons of blankets. Have you ever had braces? I did for a long time because we couldn't afford to take them off. Do you do your own laundry? No, honestly. Mom likes to just do it all together, so I let her do it. Which do you prefer: English, Irish, or Australian accents? Irish. Is there anything on your bedroom door? Yeah! I got a "Meerkat Lover St." sign for my door. :') What is the best vegetable? Broccoli. Guys in eyeliner: Hot or not? That shit is h o t. Have you ever seen your favorite band live? No. :( Do you drink water or soda more often? Ugh, soda. Did you collect Pokemon cards back in the day? I didn't deliberately, but only because I was awkward about asking for Pokemon stuff because I thought people thought I was weird for being a girl and being obsessed with it. I think I got one pack. I really, really wish I'd been less self-conscious about that passion. Pet turtle: yay or nay? I'm personally not interested. Did anyone famous come from your town/city/school? Yeah, but I'm not sharing who. Have you ever seen a celebrity on the street? No. Have you ever pretended to be sick? To avoid school sometimes, yes. Can you ice skate? Never tried, too scared to. The blades terrify me. Do you have your nose pierced? No, but I want to have it redone. Do you loooove Tim Burton movies? I sure do! What arcade games do you like to play? I haven't been to an arcade in forever... but I liked the racing ones. What's the most expensive gift you've ever gotten for someone else? I'm not sure. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom, or your dad? At this moment, probably my dad. We haven't hung out in a long time. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her and tell her she'd better let me know if the person ever fucks up so I can kick some ass, ha ha. Are you easily confused? Very. I'm slow to understand things. Where was your MySpace/Facebook default taken? My bedroom. Can you whistle with your fingers in your mouth? No. I've never understood how that works. Do you like peanut butter? Love it.

[ryttu3k]

I want to have them all on Tumblr, so. Here are my reaction posts, in order, for Resolution of the Daleks and season 12, part 1!

Resolution of the Daleks

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Resolution! Spoilers, obviously!

Okay, negative first, just to get it out of the way. Doctor Who, I really appreciate that you consistently have queer minor characters and queer couples. Just super casual and all, as it should be. Now can you please stop killing off half of said couples? Angstrom's wife, Frankie, now this young guy? It's really not cool.

Don't think the voiceover worked. I feel the prologue would have worked better with just visuals.

Again, Yaz didn't have much to do. The Doctor got a ton of action, Ryan and Graham both had significant interactions with Aaron, Yaz was... just kind of there. I'm hoping that when the show comes back in a year, now that Ryan has largely dealt with his issues, Yaz will get more attention?

UNIT was killed by Brexit?! Fuckin' rude!

Okay, on to the positive!

The Dalek was, frankly, fucking scary. Despite knowing that the Doctor would beat it, obviously, it caused huge swathes of damage and racked up a... rather high body count. Like it felt like a proper threat. Also, its ability to stop the TARDIS tracking it and stuff. Lin's terror felt extremely genuine and it was just nice and horrific overall, like - if it wasn't for the Doctor, it would feel like a genuine threat to the entire Earth.

(Also, it shut down the wifi. On New Years Day. What a monster!)

Oh man that Dalek laughter. Creepy as fuck. The Doctor dragging it in via hologram to dare it to laugh in her face? Fucking iconic.

"I've learned to think like a Dalek." Oof.

Doctor vs Dalek. Not just the physical aspect, but the mental part - the Doctor recognising the seriousness of it, but also having that element of cockiness ("Oh, mate") because, frankly, she's dealt with bigger threats. She's right when she points out that the biggest problem will be if regular humans try to engage it!

Elements of Dark!Doctor when she asks the team - almost desperately - if she gave it enough chances, if she was nice enough. Because the Doctor can get fucking scary around Daleks and she knows it. She's nice. She's friendly. But she's also the Doctor, and the Doctor has done some really damn questionable things to stop the Daleks, and she knows that. Fantastically done and I still desperately want some proper Dark!Doctor.

Really liked the parallels between the Doctor using scrap to make her sonic screwdriver, vs the Dalek using scrap to make its armour. The Doctor makes a tool, the Dalek makes items of war. Of course, well, the Doctor is probably more dangerous just with a swiss army sonic than a Dalek blaster...

I love how the whole, "Dads are complicated... so I've heard" bit could refer to either the loom thing or the Doctor having actual parents or the Doctor being a shitty dad themself XD

Graham was so excited to show off the TARDIS! Like he's just going, "How cool is this?!"

There were some legitimately funny moments! Graham's chair, "I suppose... we'll have to have a... conversation?", "Junkyard chic"... UNIT was killed by Brexit like that's so awful but. But in a kind of funny way.

Okay, now the unsure. Ryan, Graham, and Aaron. Ryan and Graham have sorted out their issues - but Aaron is still such a big overshadowing part of it that it's a bit of a shock when he comes back in. As someone with a similarly shit biological father, I was completely empathising with Ryan in the coffee shop conversation. And I do understand why they wanted reconciliation, so they showed Aaron as acknowledging his bullshit and Ryan ultimately choosing to forgive and save him.

But it's just... not that easy. It's not all going to be perfect just because they stopped a Dalek together. Aaron's neglect hurt Ryan really badly, and it just felt... too easy? Like it helped that Aaron was genuinely contrite, and that he had that good stepfather talk with Graham, but just... yeah, not sure how I feel about it, honestly.

The Doctor's first words to him being, "You weren't at Grace's funeral. Ryan waited for you, you let him down" were so, so good. Like the Doctor is just going "fuck you I'm his father now". Like tbh I think she was 100% prepared to yeet him off the TARDIS and be done with it. Like damn don't emotionally hurt one of her crew.

Some wonderfully savage lines, though. The Doctor's, "You're almost making up for your parenting deficit!"; Aaron and Ryan's, "Is that how you talk to your dad?" "I don't know, he's not been around"; Graham's fucking smirk when Ryan pointedly calls him 'Gramps'.

I did see a suggestion that would have made it much better - instead of the Dalek capturing Aaron, it captures Ryan. First, it ups the threat in the mind of the Doctor and Team TARDIS - this isn't some dickhead, this is one of them. And instead, it's Aaron who reaches out to Ryan, Aaron who risks his life, Aaron who has to come through for Ryan, instead of the other way around. Also would have tied in beautifully with, "Family isn't about DNA, or a name. It's about what you do, and you haven't done enough."

Also, 'srs tech skillz'. With a Z. Doctor why.

In conclusion, I am going to fight Nigel Farage for killing UNIT.

-

Spyfall part 1

Current response to Doctor Who: making a near-literal SDKFJHGSDASDKFH sound, grabbing a cushion, nearly throWING THE CUSHION.

More intelligent commentary when my brain comes back online.

-

Okay. Am calm. Am good! We're good.

MAJOR SPOILERS for Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 1!

So yeah I actually literally screamed (kind of... scream-laugh-holy-shit-yes). Like, even before Dhawan finished speaking the, "Or should I say spy... Master?" line because of the way he had said 'spymaster' in full in the line before and there's nothing that grabs my brain like that one word in that one context. It wasn't quite as mindblowing as the Utopia reveal, since, let's face it, it's only been a season since we last saw that magnificant arsehole, but still.

(Actually, since I didn't watch Twelve's run, the last time I saw them was exactly a decade ago in The End of Time, broadcast New Years Day 2010. And I still fucking cry over, "Get out of the way." So. That may have been why I literally screamed lmao)

I mean. It's the Master. I can't not. They're my favourite jerk. This is probably slightly concerning.

Anyway. Comments!

The good

Episode was just flat-out exciting. It reminded me both of the Three and Ten eras, a bit? Fun gadgets, fancy suits, and what ends up being a giant game! Did start wondering when they were talking about spies and codes and stuff. It's basically a puzzle that's been set up for the Doctor to solve. Plus, the way she was pretty much enlisted into it! Thirteen and Dhawan!Master might end up having a more Pertwee-Delgado-esque dynamic, maybe? I would be down for that!

(My introductory episode to the Master was The Mind of Evil. Let's just put it that way XD)

"I'm her best enemy." <3

I mean, in retrospect, isolated house full of high-tech stuff and a wall full of books about the Doctor... oh honey. Long, looong game of playing Spies and Conspiracies just for, apparently, the sheer funsies of it. Oh, honey. They're such a disaster and I love them.

The reveal scene, Jodie's acting. The way she just... freezes and hunches in on herself. She's been hiding her past more than other Doctors have in the past, and suddenly, here is her past!! Right here!! Laughing and joking and right there in front of her! And she's just like, "Ohhh shit, I was not ready to have this conversation again..."

Yasmin and Ryan's dynamic. I do like that they split up the usual combos of Thirteen-Yasmin and Graham-Ryan for once, because I do like seeing the way they play off each other! It makes them feel more cohesive as a group. I liked Ryan trying to comfort Yasmin after her experience.

Post-reveal, I'm now wondering if the weird zappy forest thing is the Master's TARDIS? Something to do with changing and processing DNA into something else? Something based around neurons, with the electric travelling system? Am also wondering what happened to Yasmin while in there, since she seemed to be processed in some way, and I'm wondering if she had part of her DNA rewritten as well - or maybe if she's been replaced entirely, like she's currently piloting an alien version of her own body while her actual self is still in there. They did already do that with Flesh!Amy, though.

Once this arc is over, I think Thirteen is definitely going to have to sit down and tell the Fam who the hell she actually is. Graham is having some serious questions, and the Master was definitely egging that on, pre-reveal.

How much do I love that even in a tux, the Doctor still has the culottes and boots? A lot, that is how much. Also, how much do I love the Doctor in a suit and on a motorbike? A lot, that is how much.

"I've had an upgrade." <3

Thirteen playing Snap. It's okay, Thirteen, you still win my heart <3

"Worst! Uber! Ever!!"

"Kisses!" Yes, we know ;) They've been texting! Someone write me a WhatsApp chat fic with plenty of subtext and double meaning, I require it. Also, memes. You know it's true. The Master isn't a Time Lord, they're a Meme Lord.

"Everything you think you know is a lie." Season hook? :o

The hmm

Main concern is how they're handling the Master's characterisation? Last we saw, they were so ready to jump the Doctor ship. Now it's back to games. Kind of wondering if that means the Master is just at the point of being resigned that they and the Doctor just don't work and so is going back to games because at least it makes them happy, but I'm happy to wait until next week to see how things play out!

Did see a suggestion that this is the Master from one of the alternate universes (or at least that seems to be the general consensus on why there were multiple maps), so not actually necessarily the same version as Missy. Alternatively, this could actually be a pre-Missy version! Maybe between Simm!Master and Missy, since we never actually see that regeneration?

Actually, if this is the one immediately before Missy and this two-parter ends with the Master regenerating and we actually do get Thirteen and Missy together on screen I may cry.

(Like I'm aro-ace and agender but I'm still so gay for both of them. There is no word other for this emotion other than 'I'm gay'.)

I kind of wish someone had double-checked the name of the company because VOR running the world is. Is. "Right now, VOR is more powerful than most nations." Just. *pinches bridge of nose* Like okay you know how we say 'oh yeah just google it' 'yeah I googled it' are they really gonna say 'yeah I just VO

'I'm going to V

I can't say it. I can't.

Apparently the Australia scenes were filmed in South Africa. Kind of assumed it wasn't really Australia as soon as I saw actually greenery in the background h e h.

Highkey wish I could have seen Missy and Thirteen together. Dhawan!Master is very fun so far but. Missy and Thirteen. See comment above about the Master's characterisation!

...ABC are you really going to keep to Thursday night broadcasts even after the UK switches their Sunday nights / our Monday mornings? Well that's a good way to guarantee I'll be watching them online first! I was happy to wait twelve hours or so so I could watch it with Mum, but like hell I'm going to wait three and a half days!

In conclusion, am dead, send help, is it Monday morning yet?

-

Spyfall part 2

Thoughts on Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 2!

GALLIFREY LOOOOORE.

Oh man I'm hyped. We got a teeny teaser to the Timeless Child way back last decade but now we may actually get to see what the fuck is going on. And hell, if nothing else, at least the discovery is being teased to be so devastating it did undo Missy's characterisation. If this incarnation of the Master is after her, at least. Still not necessarily anything to suggest that. The Master will likely be recurring over this season, so we'll find out more, at least!

God, the Master is so fucked up. Like. He's seen something apparently so massively traumatic that he had to destroy his own planet and legitimately does look broken by it? Unless he was acting, but I did not get that impression from the message at the end. And the only way he can think of to get the Doctor's attention is to start his old tricks? Not sure if it's better or worse for him to be pre-Missy tbh.

It's just... such an interesting dynamic. Also I really want to read into the whole... scene where the Master asks the Doctor to kneel and call him 'Master' in front of everyone - then, when she does (defiantly! Stubbornly!), he... kneels to be at the same level as her. Like, "I'm going to play these BDSM-esque power games with you but when it comes down to it, I still consider us equal."

Anyway the Master is def a service top.

This comment from Tumblr user upslapmeal:

"'why would it stop? I mean how else would I get your attention’ what did I say about the Master being like a cat knocking things off shelves"

I mean. Yeah.

"Contact." Old school.

The Companions! They get a capital C because they were rad as hell. I love them all deciding that what they do next is: carry on to save the world. Like they're all heroic af without the Doctor and it's so good.

"Don't make me do a soft-shoe shuffle!"

And questioning at the end, oooh man. There are some Implications there, yeah. They've found out some surface information, yes, but no real hint at the deeper trauma. And given what this coming season is hinting at, I strongly suspect we will indeed be getting that deeper trauma and maybe even Dark!Doctor. Gallifrey does tend to bring it out of them...

The whole on-the-run thing seemed to definitely be a callback to Sound of Drums. Uh, what's that going to do long-term? Send out a worldwide message saying, "Sorry, our bad, they're fine"? I mean, last time that happened... okay, Jack was already with Torchwood and so is used to Not Really Existing, but Martha definitely couldn't go back to fuckin' medical school. She ended up at UNIT and then went independent. They did not return to their normal lives.

Barton: needs a goddamn punch. He killed his mother what the fuck. On the plus side, at least he seems to have thoroughly destroyed his career? Be interesting to see if he reappears later, you don't go from the most powerful person on the planet to massive pariah overnight without Repercussions.

On to our guest characters! I hate to brag but I guessed who Ada was as soon as I heard her first name and saw her outfit. I mean the computers theme was already there, who else would she be? :D And I admittedly didn't know who Noor Inayat Khan was except in passing, but still. Little upset about the erased memories (Donna ;_; ), but I can see why the Doctor did it and like... this way, I'm glad they were able to avoid the implications of, "Ada only developed computing because she had already seen the future." Like people said that with Rosa Parks even though the Doctor said explicitly to only ensure there were enough seats filled and the act itself was all Rosa, so they may have wanted to play it safe.

I... really want to comment on how Ada definitely was crushing on the Doctor (and really, who wouldn't?), but she was a real person so I shall avoid those implications. (But really though!)

Doctor how many times have you been in someone's liver. This is some Magic School Bus Inside The Human Body bullshit and I love it.

Doctor's recording: "First of all, you're not gonna die! Second of all, don't talk back to the screens, obviously I'm a recording and I can't hear ya. Third, don't panic. Especially you, Graham."

Graham, panicking: "I'M NOT PANICKING!"

Doctor's recording: "Yes, you were! And I did just say, don't talk back to the screens!"

Graham: "????!?!!"

I want an entire series of the Master having a really infuriating seventy-seven years on Earth. Please.

Comments on continuity issues regarding that, "It's worse than Jodrell Bank!" "Did I ever apologise for that?" "No." "Good." exchange XD;; Like people are going, "Continuity error!! It was the Pharos Project, not Jodrell Bank!!" and like. Pharos was a project. Jodrell Bank is an observatory. You can do projects at observatories. Also, you can refer to projects by location, too. Am I referring to the Canberra Deep Space Communication Project or Tidbinbilla Station? Both! They refer to the same thing! In the Whoniverse, they likely did the Pharos Project at Jodrell Bank, and just had some lighthearted bantz about that time where the Master killed the Doctor, no biggie.

So, onwards to... an apparently unrelated episode for next week! Also, the Kassavin? Still there. Like. The Master only gave suggestions. They still have all those agents everywhere! They're still ready to act! And yeah, now they have the Master in their hands, so... I wonder if they'll make the Timeless Child a long, ongoing arc, and have the much more immediate threat of the Kassavin as the season finale?

-

Orphan 55

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Orphan 55!

...whew.

First thought: anvilicious, but some anvils need to be dropped, because, uh, have you seen the world lately.

It feels like quite a brittle episode? Even beyond the immediate tension of 'there are large angry creatures trying to kill everyone', there's just this sense of... like, tension. There's the tension between Benni and Vilma, which at first is kind of a sweet tension then becomes a life-threatening and sad tension. There's the tension between Roger Parslow Silas and his dad, with Silas not being taken seriously (although I do think him running out while they're in life-threatening danger is a bit much). The obvious and major tension between Bella and Kane that drives the whole episode, yes.

And there's also the tension amongst Team TARDIS! The episode starts with the Doctor still in Some Kinda Way about last week, and I felt a bit of tension between Yaz and Ryan? She seemed rather unimpressed by Bella, at any rate. I do like how organic the relationship between Ryan and Graham feels, at least. "It ain't the aliens that are gonna kill me, it’s worrying about you!"

Set and costume building, I felt, was kind of... eh? I liked how Tranquility itself looked, but the tunnels looked Very Generic, and some of the looks I felt didn't really work. Silas and his dad's green hair just looked very obviously fake, and I saw a description of Hyph3n-with-a-three looking like a cross between a Jellicle Cat and John Candy in Spaceballs (which... yeah, honestly). And I'm not sure about the Dregs, although I did initially have the thought that whatever the original inhabitants of the planet were, they must have been humanoid was amusingly accurate...

"I just pulled this out of a friend of mine! >:("

"Oh! ...We do not make any judgments on our guests and fully support any way you choose to enjoy yourself here at Tranquility Spa! ^_^;;"

"... ... ...It wasn't recreational! o.O"

God you could feel Hyph3n-with-a-three's embarrassment...

"If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch!" Excuse me I am at least Tofurky.

Also a logical issue on the whole journey to find Benni, because frankly, it just wasn't... sensible. Okay, bring a kid. Father of the year right there. Okay, bring an old woman. Granted, she could have insisted because it was her man-friend they were looking for, but surely she would have known she would slow them down? Her 'heroic sacrifice' felt very wasted, because dammit, she could have survived if she had stayed in the Dome where it was at least a bit safer!

"At least three eighths of a plan, right here! ...Two eights. I'll be honest, all I've got is the letter 'P'..."

So the Doctor is almost at the point of passing out from oxygen loss but hang on, let her first indulge her curiosity...

The sheer existence of orphan planets is very depressing. The sheer fact that there's at least fifty-five is very depressing.

There's an interesting comment about how straight after discussion of the reveal, the first shot of the preview is the Statue of Liberty. Very Planet of the Apes! (No apes next time, just Tesla vs Edison!) Also feeling a strong connection to Midnight (stunning resort on dangerous planet with a very personal enemy), and I saw a comment about Thirteen unintentionally The-End-Of-The-World-ing the Fam (and making a connection between 'very angry trees' and the Forests of Cheem). Bit of Ravolox. Bit of... fuck what was it... Curse of Fenric.

Although, we know that the Earth will eventually be consumed by the sun, and it was done in a way that was like... it was its time. This was not its time, was a colossal fuck-up on a planetary scale (and the Doctor continues to be 'eat the rich'), but it's also only one potential future. Which is good, because that got dark. Even more than The End of the World, even more than Utopia, even more than fuckin' Frontios, because this is the near-future. The shots we saw of the destruction were modern day! That was the Dome of the Rock you saw getting bombed!

"Be smarter than what made you." PAGING THE GOVERNMENT...

Going to put it on a solid... maybe 7/10? Some really good elements in there, but also some clunkers, and unfortunately not a patch on the same writer's It Takes You Away, which was one of the strongest of the last season.

-

Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror!

Opinion before episode: man, Tesla's cool. Opinion after episode: man, Tesla is fuckin' cool! :D That was a well-done personality-based historical, absolutely - I think it's my second-favourite personality-based historical only to Rosa (there are other pseudo-historical based ones set in the past that I love, but they're not personality-based; the Human Nature duology is a good example).

But yeah, Tesla just came across as a really, really cool character. Genius and he knew it, yes, and the real Tesla did have some questionable views (sexism, mostly), but otherwise the archetypal Idealistic Genius who wants to change the world for the better. Contrast with Edison, who was... a businessman. With, like, a really punchable face. Still pretty intelligent, but... very, very punchable. I've read about the Tesla-Edison feud before and always sided with Tesla, and let's face it, so did the writer XD

Good mix of character combinations - with a lot of characters, it's easy for someone to get sidelined, but this managed to handle Thirteen and the Fam, and Tesla, Dorothy, and Edison, pretty well. There were some neat combinations, like Ryan and Dorothy bonding over the sense of adventure, and Graham and Edison's confrontation; I also really loved the whole conversation between Thirteen and Tesla on the joy of just... creating. There's actually a very nice overlap between arts and sciences.

Antagonists - not bad? I feel a lot of people were expecting the Racnoss, and there was such a similarity that I would have liked at least a throwaway line about how the Skithra were related or something. Ooh man she definitely brought out Dark!Doctor, though. Teleporting the queen back to the ship, specifically so she can be fried? I mean, she might have survived it. Might. And just that fantastic little change of expression when the queen asks the Doctor if she's ever seen a dead planet before! Whittaker pulled that one off.

There's a very interesting compare and contrast between the Skithra and Edison, I found. Thirteen has her speech about how once the Skithra are gone, they won't be remembered. Caput. Forgotten. They left nothing behind. Compare and contrast to Edison, who was openly accused of using other people's work, but who's able to learn from his mistakes, end on an even(ish) setting with Tesla, and who does get remembered. Which kind of stings, honestly, if you look at Tesla's actual history.

Like. Apparently that, "The man just didn't understand the American sense of humour," line was an actual historical line, according to Tesla's own records. The absolute main reason for the difference in fame and recognition is that Tesla was a genius who didn't know how to market. Edison was a marketer who could invent a bit. So in conclusion Edison is a dick and Tesla needs more respect, the end.

Favourite lines and scenes:

Tesla: "Is - is this your own design?" Thirteen: "I made it! Mainly out of spoons! :D" Tesla: "You're an inventor! :D" Thirteen: "I have my moments." Tesla: "I knew it! So you... so, you can understand how it feels, you know, when you have an idea, and - and to make it real. I don't think there's any greater thrill!" Thirteen: "I couldn't agree more." Tesla: "You... you spoke of aliens. People here laugh at the very idea." Thirteen: "But not you." Tesla: "Well, apparently I'm not like other people. It can be difficult, you know, to feel no one else sees the world the way you do. It's like you're, uh..." Thirteen: "...out of place."

Graham: "Yeah, still. I bet you'd jump at the chance to have him back working for you, wouldn't ya?" Edison: "Yeah?" Graham: "Yeah!" Edison: "How d'you figure that?" Graham: "'Cause I had a supervisor like you at my old depot. And men like you don't pay a bloke that much attention unless you think there's a payout comin'."

Thirteen: "I wouldn't go killing me and Yaz. 'Cause Yaz... can tell you what this is." Yaz: "It's a camera!" Thirteen: "Bingo!" *FLASH!*

Edison: "I couldn't figure it out either." Tesla: "The internal dimensions transcend the external." Thirteen: *GRIN* Edison: ._.

Thirteen: "You do realise, it's killing Edison that they want you and not him? ;D"

Graham: "Don't worry. This ain't our first rodeo!" Ryan: "We've never been to a rodeo." Graham: "...you're not helping, Ryan..."

Thirteen: "And what are you queen of, exactly? A stolen ship and second-hand guns? A queen of shreds and patches. You're not a ruler, you're a parasite." Queen: "And what are you? So clever, stealing onto my ship, taking what I claim as mine. But where has it got you? No weapons. No armour. No escape. Just the desperate hope you might change my mind." Thirteen: "No, we are way past that. I gave you your chance." Queen: "A chance to be like you?" Thirteen: "A chance to evolve. But you were too stupid to take it. When you die, there'll be nothing left behind - just a trail of blood and other people's brilliance. No one will even know you existed."

(Side note: I love that this speech was actually in front of the companions. They're starting to see that things are Not Okay.)

Thirteen: "Don't give up." Yaz: "Whatever anyone says." Tesla: "Well, let them talk. The present is theirs. I work for the future... and the future is mine."

Favourite incorrect lines:

Thirteen and Tesla, firing at the ship: "VIBE CHECK!"

-

Fugitive of the Judoon

I'M GONNA... NEED A HOT MOMENT TO PROCESS THAT...

-

WELL I. UH. OKAY.

lmao I'm serious I don't even know where to begin.

Uh, some very disorganised comments on Doctor Who - Fugitive of the Judoon!

I squealed when I heard Jack's voice then saw him in the flesh. I gasped audibly when 'Ruth' broke the glass. I yelped when we saw the buried TARDIS. I MAY HAVE SCREAMED A LITTLE WHEN 'RUTH' INTRODUCED HERSELF.

(Also can we talk about her outfit. That was on point.)

I'm getting a very... very early vibe? She didn't know what the sonic screwdriver was, and that was introduced with Troughton. Since we saw the Hartnell-Troughton regeneration, she must be pre-Hartnell? Maybe a Doctor whose memories were rewritten to the point that they thought the Hartnell incarnation was the earliest? Not to mention that was a pretty old-school-looking TARDIS!

Alternatively, maybe between Troughton and Pertwee? Either option has some inconsistency - if she's post Troughton, she should have known what the sonic was, although it admittedly did look very different. Plus, her TARDIS is already its police box shape, which was implied to have set in the junkyard. Also, we never actually do see the regeneration between Two and Three, and it could explain why Gallifrey was after her - she escaped after her trial after The War Games!

Definitely early, though.

Alternatively alternatively, Thirteen actually does say 'time is swirling around me'. Maybe an alternate timeline. Something to tie back to the Timeless Child?

"I've lived for thousands of years, so long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you known me? You don't know me. Not even a little bit."

That wasn't just aimed at the companions. I feel that was aimed at the Doctor themself.

(Related: the response from the fam was flat-out beautiful. Doesn't matter who she was or who she'll be. They know her now, and they love her.)

Just. Wow. Wow.

Really cool note from Twitter - disguised name was Ruth Clayton. Ruth = 'friend, companion'. Clayton = 'of the Earth'. She literally named herself 'friend of the Earth'.

"You're probably a bit confused right now."

I mean. Yeah. Confused and intrigued and what.

"Don't do points! I do points! Points are my thing!"

Jack. Jack. Smooching Graham, hitting on all the companions, getting into Shenanigans! The Lone Cyberman - I wonder if that's a totally different crisis that isn't even related to the current Gallifrey-Timeless Child one? The more important part is Jack's presence - the presence of another time traveller with a... unique relationship with the universe. The actual warning could be a red herring, but Jack showing up anywhere in the first place is a sign that something is happening with time?

Orphan 55 had a timeline that may or may not have been the 'real' one. Being only a potential future kind of doesn't work with what we know of established DW continuity, so I'm liking the 'alternate timeline' theory, maybe?

Ryan: "I liked him. Kind of cheesy."

Yaz: "But good cheesy."

Thirteen, smiling: "That's Jack."

Graham just standing there going, "He kissed me tho? ...Wasn't bad, actually."

"Is she safe?" Jack, honestly, is she ever safe?

"When she needs me... I'll be there." Oh yeah, he's so coming back later this season.

Also, Judoon, chameleon arch, the Master, Jack - getting big season 29 vibes here and that's a big thumbs up for me because that's my favourite season. We just need Martha to make an appearance now!

...hehe honestly, between Jodie's entire existence, and now, in the span of five episodes, introducing Dhawan!Master, Gat, and now Jo Martin as the first black female Doctor, and reintroducing Jack, one of the most overtly and openly queer characters on the series, the 'Doctor Who is too PC!' bunch are going to be so mad XD

"A platoon of Judoon... near the moon." / "Look at you, your platoon of Judoon near the... that lagoon..."

Man. The close-up in the very first shot of the watch. Nice tie-in.

"The Doctor never uses weapons!" "I know! Shut up! >.>"

Where do the Kasaavin come into play? Is this something they've done by integrating themselves throughout time and space? Maybe they're fraying the fabric?

My mind is blown. I can't wait for the rest of this season :D

-

[Part 2 - Praxeus to The Timeless Children]

[lyrazehedgieboiii]

Pocky

HEY, HEDGIE SQUAD! SO, THIS IS A STORY I HAD ON MY WATTPAD, AND IT’S A BIT OLD, so it’s going to be a bit retarded, because that’s how I was a few years ago. Anyways, hope you like it! (THIS STORY BELONGS TO Lyrazehedgieboiii, A.K.A Lyra_ze_hedgie on Wattpad {don’t check it out})

So, dis story is gonna be different. Usually, it's a third person POV, but this is going to be character's point of view. SEGA owns the characters, I do not! And before I forget, let's bring the age list! Read this so you understand.

Amy: 13

Sonic: 16

Knuckles: 16

Silver: 16

Tails: 12

(Amy's POV)

I was just sitting on my couch, looking up ideas on how to catch my dear Sonic. These days, I've been kind of easy on the chasing, I mean, I wouldn't even look good running after Sonic like a  lovesick fan girl. That's right! I'm actually starting to feel a little self-conscious these days, and I asked Rouge about it, and she said it was perfectly normal! I believe her, since she was the one who told me to lay off chasing him, he ain't worth it. Oh. But he is. Anyways, back to what I was doin'. I ran out of ideas on how to get Sonikku to fall for me. When in doubt, look it up on Google. I turned off my iPad, and decided to check the mail.

     "Let's see... Fan mail, more fan mail, a stack of fan-mail, and a package..." It's awfully strange, because I never ordered anything. I looked at the receiver's address. It was addressed to me, and it has my name on it. I went back inside, and put my fan mail in my fan mail closet (in case I'm having a bad day, I read fan letters! :D) and walked to my kitchen, with the package. I opened it, and I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be. It was Pocky Sticks! Wait, but there's a catch. It's Chili-dog flavored?! I rummaged through the package, incase there was a letter. And there was! Thank chaos! I read it, surprised with what it said-

Dear Amy Rose

        I'm Mia, the CEO of Pocky Sticks®️and I'm a huge fan of you! I love you, and Sonic, and I want you two to be together. So we made a limited edition, chili-dog flavored Pocky! All you have to do, is play the Pocky game with him. If you don't know how to play, I'll explain it to you-

Well, of course I know how to play! So I've seen people do it! Also, does this woman not know that I'm still innocent? I haven't even lost my first kiss yet! But, I do want to lose my first kiss to Sonic, so I'll play. I call Tails' since I know Sonic won't pick up.

Tails: Hey Amy! Do you need anything?

Amy: Hi, Tails! Actually, yes. Is Sonic at your place? Because if I call him, I know he won't pick up.

Tails: Oh he is. Hold on a second... (He yells out Sonic's name)

Muffled idiot's voice in Background: What?

Tails: Amy's asking if your here!

Muffled idiot's voice in Background: So? Do I have to answer her? Yeesh.

Amy: Tails, put the phone on speaker mode.

*Said Fox does what he was told*

Amy: hem hem. SONIC, YOU IDIOTIC PINEAPPLE, COME HERE AND ANSWER THE PHONE OR I WILL CONTINUE TO EAR RAPE YOU. AND IF YOU HANG UP, I'LL COME OVER AND EAR RAPE YOU. IF YOU RUN OFF, I WILL CALL YOU AN IDIOTIC HOE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Muffled idiot's voice in Background: Since when did she learn to cuss?!

Amy: Sonic, what I just said weren't cuss words. I can say cuss words, if you'd like. Now, if you want me to stop, come over to my house, I got something you might like. I got it in the mail.

That idiot!

Muffled hoe's voice in Background: ... fine...

Amy: Yay!  I hung up, and went the door.

(Sonic's POV)

Frick. I have to go to Amy's house. I mean, I like her, as in I have a crush in her, but her plans to catch me can get deadly. I ran over to her house, and right on cue, she opened the door. She welcomed me in, and signaled me to go to the kitchen. So I did. She quickly took something off the kitchen island, and hid it behind her back. For a second I thought it might have been a s..e..x. toy, but Ames is way too young to play with one.

   "So, I got this thing in the mail, and it said that you might like it. Oh, who am I kidding, of course you'll like it!" She giggled. Her giggles are making me feel something, something inside. Strange... Anyways, she pulls out what she hid. And it was... Pocky Sticks. What's so special about them? "I know what you're thinking. What so special about Pocky?" Frick, she read my mind! "But... They. Are. Chili Dog flavored!" My ears perked up. Did she say chili dog?!

    "Ames, be a good girl, and give me the pocky.~" I said, making my voice soothing enough so she swoons over me.

    "Nuh , uh, uh! You have to follow my rules, and play something with me."

     "Alright."

    "Have you heard of the Pocky game?"

   "Not really..."

   "I'll explain. I will have 1/6 of the Pocky stick in my mouth. We both have to bite as much of the Pocky stick as we can. And..-" Amy trailed off. I have a feeling she was gonna say something else.

    "And?" I said. I was starting to get impatient.

    "N-nothing. Nothing at all." Amy said nervously. She was blushing. She is so cute! Fuck, did I just say that?! "Let's begin, shall we?" Amy asked. She stuck the icing part out, and put it in her mouth. I chomped in the other side, and the closer I got to Amy's face, the more I bit into it, the more I felt my face heat up. I bit the stick one more time, and felt that our noses were touching. I thought for a minute, until an idea came. 

I'll just kiss Amy, and by reflex, or something, she'll faint for a minute or two, and I'll win. I bit, and made our lips touch. My tongue demanded entrance, and she happily did so. I know it sounds disgusting, but the part of the pocky that was touching Amy's lips was visible, so I broke it, and I held on to Amy's body while smuggling a kiss. Her lips were very soft. Out of nowhere, her body felt limp. She looked like she was in so much pleasure, and was blushing like crazy. She was also sweating, oof. I didn't screw her, I just kissed her, DAMMIT. I ran to Tails' house since I lived there, and slowly tried to make my way upstairs, until...

    "Ahem." Tails voice alarmed me. Knucklehead and Mr. Weed Plant were also here. Great. Just what I need. They all looked at what I was holding.

    "Guys, I can explain this-"

    "Sanic, you and Amy are too young to screw. I mean, you are an alright age, but Amy, she's 13 for crying out loud!" Silver said. Boi, whenever you're with Blaze, you always try and look assets that she barely has.

    "Yeah, Sonic, at least wait a few years, we know you like Amy, but she can't become a mother."

   "YOU IDIOTS. LISTEN TO MEEEEEE. Amy tried to make me kiss her, and-"

   "You became horny and attempted to screw her."

   "No. I kissed her a bit, and she fainted.

   "Yeaaaahhh, I'm not buying that." Knuckles said. You idiot, you can't even tell the difference between left and right.

  "Anyways, Imma go put her to bed."

  "Sonic," Tails stopped me. "Are you telling the truth? And plus, I don't want you hooking up with her in here." Tails is 12, and he's had the birds and bees shit talk.

  "Tails, I don't sleep with girls, or make love to them. Especially not to someone who is finally in her teen years. I'll wait until she's old enough." Fuhk. I said the last part out loud. "I mean, I-I w- NEVERMIND!!" I stormed off to my room, and carefully put rest Amy on to the bed. Her hands were in her pockets. I was pretty sure it wasn't like that when I picked her up. I put my hand in her pocket, and damn her hands felt warm. It was a paper, from the CEO of Pocky. So this is what this is all about. Amy's gonna be so screwed once she wakes up!

*internal screaming*

[popculturebuffet]

Reviewcaps: Mega Man: Fully Charged (BOOM!) #1

After 5 long years the Blue Bomber returns to comics and to the Fully Charged Universe! Things get a lot more grim as Aki grapples with a new robot army under actual robots, his buried past, and the fact Mega Mini is still around for some reason. Cracked skulls and dead cells under the cut. 

So i’m a huge mega man fan. I haven’t really talked about video games here because this is my first video game adaptation, but yeah, I love em and Capcom’s vast and awesome franchise of robots and humanoids in blue, and in one case red, is one of my faviorites. From children blowing up tons of robots from a balding man who dosen’t get the hint already, to the pacifist soldier forced to fight in a war against robot whales, buffalo, mammoths, and other bizzare robot animals, to his best friend who has amnesia for some reason fighting more robot animals because capcom ran out, to his human sucessors wearing him like a hat, to some guy who turns out to be a war machine I haven’t played yet because I haven’t gotten the chance to and is the only part of the franchise I haven’t, to another universe where he’s the ai versoin of a dead child whose now a teenager mentally, to that ai’s sucessor a shy child whose dad was kidnapped by a space monster and fuses reguarly with a much cooler space monster. What i’m saying Is I deeply love this franchise, this franchise is complicated iwth all the branches, and it’s also full of lovely nonsense. 

So naturally with that many versions and a decades long history Mega Man’s had a healthy life in one of my other faviorite meddieums: Comics. Over in his home country of Japan Mega Man’s had tons of Manga: The biggest and one of the few to make it here is Mega Man Megamix, a bunch of stories that, after the first two adapted the first two games in their own rough way, took place after each of the various games, and is pretty damn good. Others off the top of my head include a Mega Man x adaptation where X dates a mermaid, a weird mega man zero adaptation, and a longrunning adaptation of Mega Man Battle Network, all ones I need to read. 

Even Brazil had a Mega Man Manga... which I need to cover too.. less because it’s actually good or notable, and more because it’s BATSHIT INSANE, and you can read about it here. But the cliffs notes: Roll is an adult woman who goes around naked half hte time and is the most importnat character, X is master roshi with all the restraint and panty snatching that implies, and ther’es a character that one writer tried to have kill everyone and take over the comic.. yes really. I go most of this .l from that page but it’s documented on various wikis that this did actually happen. Just.. why. All of it.  Meanwhile in the US.. we didn’t get that many. No nintendo power adaptations despite being a huge franchise, no horrible malibu comics like street fighter got. There was one attempt by Dreamwave comics in the early 2000′s a series that only lasted 5 issues, and had mega man trying to go to school and some intresting if loose takes ont he franchise.. but the company bottomed out due to horirble mismanagment soon after and mega man sat ont he shelf for a while until the early 2010′s. At a time when Capcom had given up on the franchise, which has thankfully changed dramatically with the release of 11 and the various mega collections, they still gave the liscence to Archie comics, who, wanting some more of that sweet money they were getting off of sonic, gladly took the lisence and gave it to  Sonic Scribe and easily the best one the comic had during it’s long run, Ian Flynn, who set about adapting mega man from day 1, while incorperating nods and call forwards to the various other versions of the blue bomber, and adding his own nice touches. What i’ve read is really damn good and it’s a shame it got cut off right before the adaptation for mega man 4. I’m only being so brief as .. I intend to cover it like i’ve been saying. I love the character, Flynn’s comic was one of the best versions of him bar none, and I could use more comics content on here too. It’s a win win, smiles all around.  But yeah sadly Archie lost intrest in doing non-Archie stuff, with the Archie Horror Line proving a sucess and a reboot on the horizon. While I do LOVE Archie Comics, this edotiral decision still leaves a bad taste in my mouth and left fans without any mega man till 11 came out and any comics till this year, when the rights apparently lapsed and Boom! Studios, home of such great comics as the mighty morphing power rangers ongoing and JOhn Allison’s wonderful Giant Days, swept it up. Hopefully Boom! will reprint the archie comics eventually, but until then they decided to do a softish reboot of another version of the franchise, another one that like Archie had been given a raw deal.. but unlike Archie had issues: Mega Man; Fully Charged

While most of you probably know this as a refrsher Mega Man: Fully Charged was a cartoon from a few years back, a CGI adatpation of the games in an attempt to get in on that market by Ben 10 and Generator Rex maestro’s Man of Action. Like the Dreamwave comics it followed Mega Man, now Aki LIght as he went to school, did school stuff, and also fought rouge robots after school with secret powers he unlocked before the pilot and were never elaborated on in show.  The show kept Dr. Light, Mega Man’s creator and dad, and his dog Rush who while at first looking nothing like the games was later upgraded to resemble his game counterpart more from what i’ve heard and what’s present in this comic. Replacing Mega’s sister Roll, as his real name was Rock because the Mega Man staff loved musical puns, was Suna.. whos basically the same character but human and with an entirely diffrent design.  The show also, for whatever fucking reason, added... Mega Mini.. a tiny robot with a brooklyn accent who lived inside Aki, Mega Man’s regular name in this series which i’m fine with as while I do lik ehim going by Rock, I get that’s not really a name. Mini also manages his powers, makes stupid jokes and makes me pray for death but death won’t come. As you can tell I hate the little bugger from the handful of episodes i’ve watched. Rounding out our main heroes is Aki’s best friend Bert Wily, whose likely related to the canon wily and is your standard dorky best friend, but his roll as an inventor does come in handy since Mega hasn’t told his dad he’s a superhero, though it’s revealed in the end that he knows.. I did do my homework, even if i’ve only seen a handful of the series. More on that in a minute.  Opposing Mega Man were various robots from the games, adapted with varying degrees of design, from the good. 

To the okay if a bit weird. 

To the how the fuck is this airman. This is airman

Really good basic design. This is what fully charged calls airman, 

Why.. why not just make him Wind Man. He looks more like Wind Man.. why did ... I can bitch about this later when I cover the series, which, yes AGAIN I intend to. BUt seriously he has an awesome looking fan for a face. How do you screw that up. 

Behind the robot masters was Sgt. Night. See in a nice twist, and one of the things I like about the series, the world of Fully Charaged already had the kind of robot on human war that would plauge the main mega man timeline for centuries in the backstory, with LIght and Night being vetrans. Night being a racisit moron, wanted to keep robots apart and set up a false flag operation do do so as Commander Night. He however.. wasn’t a compelling vilian and apparnetly dosen’t really get better, not having any depth to his operations or actoins and his basic plan turns out to be, thank you research, to wipe all robots minds to be subservient.. he’s just.. bland compared to wily who while not complex in his motives, he just wants to take over the world, still has style and in some cases,real thought to his plans. Sure the vast majority are “blame it on someone else” but in a LOT of those cases, there’s still thorught and effort put into who he’s blaming to take doubt away from him. IN universe at least.  Helping night, is Namagem... yes Mega Man..spelled backwards and this series protoman, but hte character suprisingly DOES sound intresting... he just has one of the worst names in human history. Like my god, in god we trust why not just use proto man. the Character is basically proto man, with the interesting backstory of night kidnapping him, and apparently the series gets loads better once he arrives, so i’m not going to be too hard on the name, as the writers were likely stuck with it.    But as i’ve made apparent.. I haven’t watched much of the series. I do want to watch it all and i’m aware the second half is much better, but when trying to binge watch it at a friends house I only got about halfway through season 1, and then just forgot to keep going. And the series does have good pieces: a compelling background of a brutal war, mysteries to unlock, and a steady supply of new villians via the games long history and the series own original, and honestly intresting sounding and looking, robot masters... but it stapled all this to a “cocky hero fights vilians” every week setup we’ve seen a million times and didn’t grab me, but the intresting worldbuildnig and original bits do have me wanting to give it another try so look forward to that.  And with all the intresting bits i was truly invested to see a comic make more out of this part of the franchise,a nd was utterly excited, as it could be what the series could’ve been with less hampering by the various parties involved, as fully charged felt like it had a lot of executive madates slapped on. So free of those and free to be whatever it wants with Joe Kelly advising, what has fully charged become? let’s take a look. 

We Open 6 months after the series with the comic helpfully catching us via news broadcast.. and the art being moody with washed out colors the tone having done a 180. Seriously it is kind of weird for this unvierse to go from early generator rex, a dark backstory with a bizzarely cheery tone to full on Blade Runner or to put it in mega man terms, The Megas. Seriously the breif bit of silicon city we see , the constant rain as a mysteroius figure whose revealed at the end of the next page to be Namagem.. I expect that a pretty hologram in a raincoat is going to pop up next to him any moment... what I can pick which blade runner I want to refrence. Shoo. 

Anyways a broadcast debate between a human reporter and her robot coanchor , ron roburgundy as I will call him, fills us in on exposition, while Mega Man himself narrators like this is a noir.. again i’m half expecting harrison ford to show up. Aki muses about how the city, HIS CITY, almost fell.. oh god is frank miller writing this? Are we going to get a middle schooler talking about how much he wants to make love to a city because no one wants that.  Anyways, we get expostion, both for anyone who hadn’t watched the series to give us the cliff notes, and to also catch up returning fans on what they missed. I like it, despite not having watched fully charged to the end, or known exactly what happened until research, this fills it in nicely: At the end of season 1, as I explained earlier Night was arrested, and is thankfully not a part of it nor is his foghorn leghorn attempt at a southren accent. However the remaning Robot Masters are still rioting and a new army of them has started a legit revolution, vandalizing the good guild, which still has that name for some reason despite the tone shift, who are about as compitent as the name implies. Here’s file footage of them fighting Pharoah Man. 

Anyways Dr. Light is going to negotiate peace and as I mentoned earlier nams is watching with a glare on his face. And yeah I .. I can’t keep calling him Namagem. That name is just bad and whoever came up with it is one of the biggest morons in marketing history as is whoever decided to force the poor creative team to use it. However while he is Protoman in ways.. it just dosen’t fit. The two were made together in this unvierse, maybe we’ll see as this comic fills in the blanks, and furthermore he’s a bit of protoman and bass.. and since protobass sounds stupid, and blues dosen’t work without the theme naming.. i’m going with Breakman, protoman’s disgusie from 3. With the heavy scaring, broken past and general state of him it just.. fits and HOPEFULLY the comic will give him a full on rename. If it does i’ll go with that but for now I just want to keep from slamming my head into a keyboard every time I have to type out NAMAGEM... excuse me. 

hgfjnhnghbjnh

That’s better. Okay so moving on from my new headache, we cut to the desert where the good guild, which is somehow even worse than Breakman’s actual name, are escorting light to a bunker in the desert, where the robots outside tell light to leave the good guild inside. Just as well he’d be better protected with a paper mache sword anda  note telling them to go away. 

Naturally, not long inside the robot masters leader forces light to bow and handcuffs him, before revealing himself. 

Skull Man. Who looks really badass in this thought, the skulls themed scrap throne, his regal posture and his speeches about how he feels that the only way things will be right, and settled is not by the fragile peace silicon city has but by humans beneath his rather sizable boots. And honestly.. he was a good choice for the main robot antagonist: Skull Man’s always had a cool look to him and most versions of him have been pretty cool, and the Megas gave him one hell of a theme song. If you haven’t heard of htem the Megas are an indie rock band that do reworkings of the various songs from mega man games, at the time of this recording a full album for 2, two full albums for 3, an ep for 1, and scattered other songs since the second 3 album, with plans to do their next full album on mega man x. Each of the stage themes for the robot masters is from the prosepctive of one of them and are really damn good and I’d recommend thema nd skullman’s.. really fits him here. take a listen. 

But yeah Skull Man feels like a good choice for a menacing revolutionary, as well as a former combat robot as he himself was apparently in the hard wars. He honestly reminds me a lot of more than meets the eye megatron in flashbacks.. just good stuff. But being in the wars, he’s naturally not too fond of repetant vetran light and plans to kill him as an example. Light however.. isn’t an idiot.. a good man who seeks to do his best, who came in good faith.. but just in case he put some sort of device under his skin and presses it, signaling his son to come save his ass. And thus he does come ...

And one of skullman’s minons mistakes him for a bomb.. which light clarifies i’ts a BLUE BOMBER. To skullman’s credit his response is to just order them to go full throttle showing no panic as Mega Man makes his entrance. 

Light thanks him by.. asking what took him so long.. when his son, whose a middle schooler mind you, had to fight through a bunch of armed assholes to get in here most likely. Mini shows up to my annoyance.. though credit where it’s do his zinger of what took so long “some birds, a plane, some guy in a cape” is actually.. really funny. I question why they kept him at ALL, but hey, at least he’s less grating and isn’t around long.. more on that in a minute. 

A really well drawn action scene insues.. while the expressions vary for this comic, I will give the fight scnee, I will give the artist credit for having fluid motion and nice pops of color, most things are kind of blendy into the background other than major character but the color pops where it should.. not exactly my style but it works okay. In a nice change of his character though, Aki offers to spare the various robots there of a fight and possible death, as while he already attacked them it was in self defense.  And while it is a 180 from the show.. it’s not only a welcome change as it’s closer to the games canon and a more intersting personality.. it also still works. Aki went through a LOT at the end of season 1: while he did win, he found out he had a brother, his dad knew who he was but was never honest with him about it and also likely knows where his power came from but hasn’t told him, and has had to deal with 6 months worth of rioting where he’s unsure what side he’s on, machine like he is or man like his family. He’s trying to find the right ballance; be the hero his city needs.. but be the man he needs to be, one who will spare his enemies and won’t fight unless he needs to, for the good fo everyone, His friends, his family, everyone in the city who deserves to sleep soundly. And he’s also starting to wonder, via narration of course, if he’s a hero.. or even a kid.. or a weapon> Which again while a bit of a shift from the series again makes sense: he’s a middle school aged boy who started this jsut fighting random assholes and some idiot racist who was transparently evil and had selfish goals.. now he’s fighting against a revolution who MIGHT have a point. While Silcion city seemd fine and equal.. there wer eplenty of idiot swilling to listen to night. As the real world has proven over the last few months, just because things have gotten better, dosen’t mean that things are 100% or that prejudice is just gone. He’s a 12 year old asked to take a stand in a messy conflict that lead to war in the past with his father offering no answers and growing colder. While I thought his angst was  bit overblown on first reading the more I think about it the more it fits. 

Anyways Mega makes short work of the skull squad after they refuse to back down, but while Mega Man’s ready to ghost.. Skull Man’s not done and drills into mega man’s head... and reveals something. Flashbacks. 

But yeah, Skull Man’s either implanted or restored some memory of Aki fighting in the hard wars.. right alongside dr. light.. with a drill because science. DR. Light then gets REALLY badass, breaking out of the robot restraining him’s grip before fucking UPERCUTTING Skull Man.. jesus christ, Dr.Light clearly traded his empathy for miraclo pills holy balls.  Rush helps him escape and take Aki with him but skull man’s confident, he lost the battle but won Mega’s mind.  On the way home Mega Man tells dr.light what he saw and isn’t sure if it’s the past the future or something else but Dr.Light assures him..

Even though his eyes give away he’s clearly hiding something. Also I haven’t mentioned it yet but Dr.Light looks like santa in this sisue, red shirt, blue pants, big white beard. Just.. why though. Just put him in a suit or something. Also Mini crawls out of Mega’s head and passes out due to the memory restoration.. a nice way to write him out while still giving it weight since while the audience is presumibly cheering his long overdue demise, he is aki’s friend.. why I have no idea but he is.  Back at the lighthouse, the light’s home and home base, which is admitely a really good alternate name for light labs and a better one in my opinon. Light brushes off Suna, telling her to go to bed and avoiding telling her anything. Yeahhh.. while it could be the pressure of the situation I really dont’ like dr.light’s characterization before. Fully Charged, outside of the whole secret identity thing which at least was expalined as Aki not knowing if his dad would let him continue as mega man if he knew, though it extended clearly past the point he was clearly supporting mega man’s actions so I dunno. But he was a compationste scientest, deeply ashamed of his past in the war and wanting to make peace, he was done really well and peformed well by gary chalk. Here? He’s a dick who clearly did something terrible in the past and treats his kids like crap. It’s okay to be suspcious of him given the flashback but he’s given us no reason to like him or want to hear his side eventually, and hopefully that changes. 

Suna talks to Aki who tells her what happened and both side give out good arguments; Suna points out she reallyc an’t trust what some creepy asshole put in his head, as Skull Man could just want to brainwash him.. but Aki counters easily and quietly: How’s he supposed to know what’s real if his dad won’t tell him anything? He took months to tell Aki he knew about his alter ego, and even before his id came out avoided talking about the hard war, which hasn’t changed. He vows to find out though, and Suna naturally is helpful, pointing out there’s more people to ask and since she actually pays attention in school she knwos just who.. Dr. Wily. Yup he’s finally here. dun dun dun. We then close as Breakman watches and tells his brother he can’t stop what’s started. And we’re out.  Mega Final Thoughts: This was a decent issue, doing a fair job of bringing in new readers, and the art was decent and matched the tone.. which If elt was a bit too bleak at times. Better than say a Zack Snyder film at least, but still a bit too close to that form of edgelord for my case. That said it opens up some intresting mysteries and has me at least willing to give it another shot next month and was a solid opener, which while not having the best charcterzation for dr light, vastly improved Aki and Suna’s while giving us a far more intersting villian in Skull Man. If this holds, we’ll see. But until then I plan to cover more mega man comics, as well as my continued weekly coverage of amphibia. Until I see you again, stay safe, wear a mask and later days

[tev-the-random]

A casual Sonic Forces rewrite + some headcanons, because why not

Part 1 – Infinite and Episode Shadow

Just a warning: none of the images used here belong to me! They all belong to SEGA – the game screenshots, the official art and the comic pages.

Next Part ->

I have yet to see the Sonic Movie, because the universe seems devoted on not letting me do so, for some reason. Being as desperate for Sonic content but as determined to not receive spoilers from the movie as I am, I decided to go for the next coolest thing: writing really long and random posts about a game that came out three years ago and no one cares about anymore.

This shall be fun!

(Update: as of posting this, I have finally watched the movie! But I don’t want to throw this away, so I’ll post it anyway. We can have a nice talk about the movie later.)

*“Fist Bump instrumental” intro plays*

*“This is Our World: a New Hero” plays in the background*

I’m the type of person to always try and see the best in every game, and Sonic Forces is no different. Despite its obvious flaws, I love this beautiful game! Mostly the concept of it is one of the coolest things I’ve seen this last decade, but the execution… lacks on a few things. I mostly just fill in the gaps with my imagination and enjoy it nevertheless, but, upon going through the tag and seeing that some of my concerns were shared by other people, I decided to try my hand at rewriting Sonic Forces juuust a tiny bit. Just for fun!

For this first part (and I have no idea how many parts we should have), I’d like to share some of my ideas about…

*Infinite’s Theme plays in the background as I try hard not to sing along*

Oh, my poor jackal boy, what do we do with you? Despite being so heavily promoted and having an undeniably awesome theme song, Infinite’s backstory and general development throughout the game came out as lacking, having the self-proclaimed edgelord become a laughingstock amongst most fans. Nevertheless, I still love Infinite, and it saddens me how much wasted potential he had; it’s like they were trying to write a really interesting character, but gave up halfway through.

So yeah, let’s talk about it. And let us begin with his origin story.

I believe you are all familiar with this scene:

I… I want to defend my boy here, I really do. But honestly, the way this was portrayed, it just sounded like he was throwing a childish tantrum. It seems as if his entire motive for becoming a villain was “Shadow beat him and called him weak”; dude, you’re not the only one: Shadow does this to basically everybody who’s ever crossed his way! We’re not given a reason as to why Infinite gets so bloody offended, nor are we given a reason why we should care.

So, how can we fix this? I think we should firstly focus less on “I’M NOT WEEEEAAAAK!!! URRAAAAGHH!!!” and more on:

It doesn’t need to be – and I don’t even think it can be – as sad of a situation as the Rivaille Squad in Shingeki No Kyojin or anything, but I believe that showing us that Infinite lost something important would already do wonders to his backstory.

The simplest way – that is, the way that doesn’t majorly change how things go, but does give the jackal a clearer motive – to do this would involve the ever so humble inclusion of two new cutscenes and one new in-game battle, plus a few tweaks to some already existing scenes.

Episode Shadow begins not with the usual reading introduction, but rather, with Shadow’s voice. “I was a couple of months before the Doctor took over the world. The first time I encountered him… I didn’t know what he would become.” Then we open with what used to be a couple of months prior (aka where they presented Infinite’s memory, aka where they screwed up), so we’ll go through things in a chronological order instead of having a flashback inside of a prequel, because that’s confusing AF.

Now, instead of starting the Mystic Jungle level immediately, we should get a small cutscene: Shadow gliding through the jungle, cool camera angles/lighting and all – maybe something similar to the opening scene of Episode Shadow in Sonic 06? –, on his way to invade Eggman’s base as a voice coming from the hedgehog’s communicator reminds him about his mission (yep, that’s some subtle exposition to the audience so we don’t think Shadow is there just because). My idea for said mission would be the simple task of retrieving a Chaos Emerald (yeah, remember those?) from Eggman. Nothing too serious; just another day, another emerald stolen like usual; we’ve seen this before, there’s no need for a long dialogue.

As the black-and-red blur crosses the screen, the camera pans to a group of people hiding above in the trees: Squad Jackal. Infinite is not among them. One of the jackals asks “where’ the boss?” to which another one replies that he’s on the other side of the base/talking to the Doctor/whatever and they have no time to waste; their mission is to take down the intruder and protect the base. We get something in the lines of “the boss is counting on us. Expect no mercy, show no weakness. Let’s go!” and the camera fades out as the squad drops from the trees and runs after Shadow.

I believe that having the phrase “show no weakness” – or any possible reference to “I’m not weak”, really – appear earlier as seemingly common and then have it become something the character gives a lot of importance to due to consequences and parallels sounds a bit more interesting than having Infinite’s inferiority complex come out of nowhere.

The Mystic Jungle level plays as usual, except the dialogue in the background doesn’t say that “the Defence Squad has already been completely annihilated”, but rather that “the Defence Squad is on the case. They’re the best mercenaries there are, Shadow won’t stand a chance!” because Doctor Eggman is naive like that.

Once we reach the end of the level there’s another change: a boss battle against Squad Jackal. You see, we don’t want to hear the squad was taken down like some sort of lazy exposition, because it feels incomplete; we want to participate, we want to be the protagonist and see with our own eyes just what is Infinite’s squad. This gives faces and voices to something that will become an important plot point instead of just telling us “yeah, this happened or whatever”. This could also play as some sort of sympathy point for Infinite, because we, while in control of Shadow, took down his squad; it makes the villain’s animosity towards Shadow and his general anger at least a bit more understandable.

The idea is that this battle should play as some sort of field fight – that is, differently than most boss battles in Sonic Forces, this is not a racing track where you attack your enemy while running, but rather a large secluded area, much like the one we get in the fight between the Custom Hero and the DeathEgg Robot –, where squad members would attack individually in different patterns before going for a group attack. The individual jackals would have both projectile (perhaps something like a wispon, knives or some Eggman invention to keep it family friendly enough?) and close-ranged attacks, while the group attack would consist of this mass of wild jackals changing at you, trying to run you over. The opportunity windows could be either the moment when the opponents switch or band together for the group attack.

(I don’t know, maybe some of you can think of better ways to fight the Jackal Squad? This is just a random idea! I’d like to hear different ones!)

Once the fight is over, we get another cutscene: Shadow stands among the fallen jackals – don’t worry, they’re… sleeping… yeah, there’s no visible blood, they’re not dead… except they’re totally dead – and looks around for a second or two. His expression is indecipherable, and he soon leaves without saying a word – one might say he feels bad for them, or maybe he doesn’t give a damn; we leave that open to interpretation. Not a moment passes and we get to see the leader of the squad arriving at the scene. The camera moves in a circle around him as he looks at his fallen comrades in shock. How did this happen? They were the strongest, how could his whole squad be dead? This is a rather touching moment, where Infinite sticks his sword (because in his origins comic he used to have a super cool red sword and I want to pretend we have a reason for it not existing in the game) to the ground; there’s a feeling of anger and vengeance going on as we get a closer look at the last standing jackal. He clenches his fists and faces the direction of Shadow. “Expect no mercy, show no weakness,” he says in an infuriated, strangled voice. He starts to run and the camera fades out.

(Look at his sword and his squad, man. I do wish we could have seen them in the game…)

When the camera fades in again, we get that exact same cutscene from the game. Blah blah, “destroyed my squad”, blah blah, “ultimate mercenary”, a legendary ass whooping and Infinite falls to the ground, weak, pathetic and defeated.

Now, I’d like to add just a few lines to their dialogue, because this:

Doesn’t really sound like Shadow to me. I mean, man: you beat this random guy to the ground, called him worthless and pathetic out of nowhere and then you just leave? I know Shadow is rather apathetic and he’s supposed to be savage and all, but this just felt kind of out of place…

So instead of going full rude mode, what Shadow actually says is:

‘You’re part of the Defence Squad, aren’t you? Why would a bunch of mercenaries work for the Doctor? What is he hiding?’

‘The doctor paid well enough to not have his secrets spilled,’ Infinite retorts while trying to get up. He’s too hurt to do much, but he’s still willing to fight. He looks at Shadow with fiery eyes as he continues, ‘My squad… you took them down like they were nothing… why wouldn’t someone as strong as you be a mercenary?’

‘Mercenary work is for the weak,’ the hedgehog states matter-of-factly. ‘I’ve sworn to protect, not to follow the dirty line of work you did.’

This blows Infinite’s mind and he simply stares at Shadow, dumbfounded. He murmurs, ‘weak? How dare you, I’m not… We’re not weak! We’re the squad o-’

‘Where’s the Chaos Emerald?’ The jackal’s statement is completely ignored. However, Infinite is having none of this, so tries to attack Shadow once again in a fit of rage, only for the hedgehog to give him a signature roundhouse kick free of charge.

(Image merely illustrative)

‘What a waste of my time,’ Edgelord Number 1 says, aware that he’s not getting any useful information from this. He steps closer and Edgelord Number 2 flinches, ‘here’s some advice: don’t show your face around me ever again, or else I will finish you.’

And with that, Shadow teleports away, leaving Infinite to his existential crisis. He wasn’t able to avenge his friends; he wasn’t able to protect the base; heck, he wasn’t even able to hold his title of ultimate mercenary! How useless of a leader was he? Were mercenaries truly weak? Everything they’ve done… was it all worthless? Show no weakness… what did it even mean? They were all defeated, and Infinite can’t shake the feeling that he’s to blame for it. Wasn’t he supposed to be the best?

‘What is this? I’m…’ He looks at his hands, which are trembling ‘I’m shaking? I flinched? I... We failed… How pathetic… All because…’

Infinite stops as if he’s just gotten a moment of clarity. He then gets up and starts walking inside Eggman’s base. ‘I’m not weak,’ he says in a decided, chilling whisper; it’s almost scary. The view is set at the entrance, right in front of the jackal so that he starts blocking the light from the outside as he slowly walks towards the camera - while saying in that scary voice, “No mercy, no weakness”.

(I can totally see Liam O’Brien delivering this line perfectly…)

Then the last expository narrating happens about the same, except that Shadow narrates it – giving continuity to the fact that he was the one who started narrating this episode for a reason I will talk about later –, so we change a few words to match his speech more; it’s all in the third person and very husky and brooding, but with a subtle note of dread (oh, if only Jason Griffith would voice it… No disrespect to Kirk Thornton, but he just doesn’t hit Shadow’s perfect voice like Jason did; for me, at least. His Orbot voice is fantastic, though).

Now, instead of having Infinite looking forward for a few seconds before he gets the Phantom Ruby out of nowhere and places it in his chest very anti-climatically, we’ll do something different: as soon as he puts on the mask, he starts walking away, and we change settings to a dimly lit room, where we see Infinite from behind, fitting the frame perfectly. Following the beat of the background music, the camera changes to a close shot of his masked face as he’s holding the Phantom Ruby, which is glowing, reflecting on his mask and giving us a beautifully red-lit scene; it’s possible to hear very low, indiscernible whispers coming from the jewel. We then hear a small, evil chuckle from the masked jackal – he already sounds rather different from the guy who stuck his sword to the ground in honour of his friends earlier. The screen goes black, the whole “I was… Reborn!” thing dramatically happens in Infinite’s echoing voice and the not-flashback is over.

(I know this last part was quite specific and oddly detailed, but I had the scenes very clear in my head I wanted to try conveying how intimidating it looked to me o3o)

Ok, now that that’s done, prepare yourselves for an intermission. And by that, I mean prepare yourselves for a long analytical commentary on what I just wrote.

*”This is Our World: Phase 2″ plays in the background*

(Who is Shadow working for again? I don’t even know, man…)

Shadow isn’t just the guy who called Infinite pathetic. He’s the guy who killed Infinite’s squad (his friends) without any apparent remorse – and to be hypocrite as to say he’d sworn to protect when he just did something like this (yeah, Infinite doesn’t know any context of Shadow’s life, so of course he doesn’t understand what he meant); the guy who ruined everything he had going with his new job as leader of the Defence Squad; the guy who put him several levels under what he thought he was; the guy who questioned his entire way of living and the guy who put him under a lingering threat; “don’t show your face around me ever again” feels more intimidating now. Not only that, but, despite how Infinite might hate Shadow, he recognizes him as strong, admirable even – “why wouldn’t someone as strong as you be a mercenary?” Remember that Infinite himself is a mercenary; to actually acknowledge someone would be good at something you’re good at, specially someone you don’t like, has to be a sign of admiration, albeit a frustrating one. All of this puts a lot more of weight on how Infinite thinks of Shadow and why being stronger than the hedgehog is so important to him.

I made it so that “expect no mercy, show no weakness” is something like the Jackal Squad’s motto, their philosophy. I like to think it means that they should never count on someone’s mercy, for their enemies won’t spare them; they should always go into battle aware that they might actually be fighting for their lives. At the same time, they should always stand their ground and never let anyone think they can take advantage of a squad member. This is what the jackals live for. But seeing as Infinite’s world has just been shattered and he failed hard on everything, he revises his mentality. “No mercy, no weakness” is what he’s going for now, as he wants to be above everyone, he wants to effectively be the strongest and for people to know that; he will be the one who doesn’t spare others, and he won’t be weak at all. Never again would a failure cost him that much, for never again would he fail.

To have Infinite place the Phantom Ruby on his own chest in Episode Shadow contradicts the opening scene of the main campaign. Remember the episode is a prequel to Sonic Forces’ main game, so it shouldn’t be completely detached from it; things must make sense when put together. As the main game begins by showing us Infinite inside of a tube in Eggman’s lab, we can assume one of two things: he’s either a robot/biological experiment created entirely by the scientist, or he’s a guy who’s been experimented on, thus Eggman was the one who placed the Phantom Ruby on him. With this in mind, it wouldn’t make sense to show us Infinite doing something if you’re going to tell us that he couldn’t have possibly done it on his own. But to have him hold the ruby as someone who deeply desires its powers and who listens to its ominous whispering? Not only does it line better with the aforementioned scene, but it also makes Infinite seem more prone to the ruby’s power (instead of just… you know, “random angry dude”).

As this intermission has gone on long enough, I’ll only make a brief commentary on the Phantom Ruby: I like the idea of the ruby being somewhat alive and exerting influence over Infinite. Now, I won’t say it’s the kind of influence where it justifies his horrible behaviour or the awful things he did. It’s less “mind-control” and more “that best friend who always encourages you and never calls you out on your bullshit”. Its grooming Infinite’s ego and just nudging him to keep making bad decisions, to keep shutting himself in this new reality where he’s all powerful and above everyone else. So it’s the jackal’s pride, spite and grief, along with Eggman’s overall encouragement and the Phantom Ruby’s influence all put together that, in a general sense, make Infinite what he is. (I can go into more detail about this idea once I make a Part 2.)

Mission Accomplished: “angry bitchy boy turned edgy, OP and unimpressed” changed his status to “tragic boy turned edgy, bitter and extremely power-hungry”.

Intermission’s over, let’s get back to the story!

With Infinite’s backstory slightly redone (or rather, shown under a different light), I could stop right here. But I don’t want to, oh no! I say we take this a few steps further and just finish Episode Shadow! Yeah, I told you this was going to be a long post.

*”Battle with Infinite: Second Bout” plays in the background*

Ok, now we cut to a few months later, where Episode Shadow would originally begin. Rouge comments that Omega was on recon mission in that “unknown base of operations that seems to be totally outside the chain of command for Eggman’s army” (whatever that is supposed to mean) when he spotted an unidentified masked person with strange energy readings and an unknown battle ID. Omega reported a “large scale troop” and… that’s it, he just stopped talking. Rouge then talks about that “new weapon” Eggman was supposedly developing and sends Shadow to the base to investigate along with Omega. She makes a remark about how they should get the entire Team Dark together for this (“It should be fun”), but Shadow dismisses the idea, saying that he’s enough on his own. “Omega said the same thing. You two go together like chilli and hot dogs.”

We can keep this at the whole “dialogue on screen” thing. I don’t really mind and it sure spares the budget.

The City stage plays as usual, except the dialogue in the background changes a bit, because Team Dark bickering (or just talking in general, I love this team so much) is my jam.

‘E-123 Omega here. Extermination proceeding without incident. No problems to report.’

‘Omega!’ Rouge exclaims, ‘Why have you stopped responding earlier? We- wait, extermination? This is supposed to be a recon mission, what are you doing?!’

‘I was spotted. Priorities conflicted; therefore I decided to eliminate the enemy altogether. New Mission Objective: Defeat Eggman.’

‘But you can’t go making a scene like that!’

‘See, this is what happens when you send the giant killer robot for this kind of op,’ Shadow sasses. And I’ll imagine Jason’s voice for this too, thank you.

‘I have several reports of recon missions where you retaliated, Shadow.’

‘I might have to join you boys soon enough. I turn my back for five seconds and this happens…’ Rouge comments in a tired voice.

Omega is ready to start robotically recounting the reports of failed recon missions where Shadow retaliated, but he is suddenly cut by static and the vague sound of the Phantom Ruby. Rouge tries to contact him again and we get small bits of his original lines here – “All sensors offline”, “Casualty report”, “Unidentified system intrusion. Emergency withdrawal!” and “I am E-123 Omega, the most powerf-sjfpstswq”, that stuff – before his communication is completely cut. Shadow asks something like “what’s going on?”, but his communication with Rouge is cut as well. We play whatever’s left of the level in silence (except for the sweet background music).

(Oh yeah, this happened or whatever…)

Now, I know the next scene is a screen dialogue again, and I know I just said I don’t mind it, but watching this:

… Is so bloody uncomfortable. This feels dumb. This is so dumb. I feel like they robbed us an epic scene in exchange of some awkward reading with absolutely no context. What the hell is “!” supposed to mean?! What did Infinite do?! If I wanted to imagine the action scenes all on my own, I’d spend my time daydreaming! What, did they not know what to do here so they just threw in some random lines to fill the gap between this and the next level?!

… Sorry, I got a little carried away. This simple scene frustrates me a lot by not existing. So yeah, we’re throwing in a cutscene.

(I just noticed how salty this post is getting. This was not my intention at all, I still love this game, oh dear…)

Shadow reaches the edge of the city and encounters a dark silhouette hovering just above the flames that cover the ground; there’s debris scattered everywhere. The figure has its back turned, and the world seems to glitch ever so slightly around them.

‘The world’s most powerful robot is no more a challenge than crabmeat. Even the Doctor’s most daring designs can’t compete with my power… It is without peer,’ the figure chuckles to themselves.

Shadow starts approaching silently, analysing the situation. Despite this being Omega’s location, he can’t see the robot.

‘Wonder how easy it would be to end this entire planet. Don’t you…’

Suddenly, the voice speaks close to the hedgehog’s ear:

‘…Shadow?’

He turns around to see that the unknown person has appeared behind him, which throws him off. The hedgehog takes several steps back and puts himself in a fighting stance.

It’s hard to see past the jackal’s mask, but he seems amused as he looks down on Shadow. Twistedly so.

‘How wonderful to see that our not-so-tall, dark and brooding guest has arrived. I’ve been waiting for you, Shadow~’

‘Tell me what you did to Omega. Now,’ the agent demands.

‘Oh, come now, Shadow. Our long-awaited reunion and still you spout such nonsense.’ Infinite floats down to stand a few meters away from his enemy.

‘I don’t know you,’ Shadow states. The masked jackal tilts his head, but doesn’t say anything, so he asks again, ‘what have you done to Omega?’

‘Only what is ought to be done when someone stands in your way. Weaklings like E-123 Omega are of no consequence, don’t you agree?’

‘The only thing of no consequence is that big mouth of yours.’

Shadow launches himself at Infinite, who easily avoids his attack. The jackal starts laughing manically.

‘Ah, I suppose you would think so,’ he states. ‘After all, it’s not so funny to be the one losing the battle, is it? I am Infinite. You say you do not know me, and yet I remember you so very well… I’ve lost all I was, I’ve become what I am because of you. Savour that thought as I return the favour.’

Guess what happens? That’s right, we get another boss battle! I think it’s only fair that Infinite gets to have his rematch with Shadow. Besides, it establishes a comparison with the “old” Infinite and how much stronger he’s now – from Shadow’s perspective, that is.

I have no idea how this battle would play out. Maybe something similar to his second battle in the main story (no, don’t worry: we’ll talk about the exceeding amount of Infinite battles in the next part), with the 2D layout. Let’s say Infinite is surrounded with his Red Cubes of Doom while he’s not attacking, so you can’t touch him. Maybe he makes the fire glitch and get closer to you at some point. Maybe he makes clones and you have to defeat each of them to get to the real guy, I don’t know! Tag your ideas, I’d love to see them! ^^

Anyway, once the battle’s over and Shadow “wins” (because Infinite is not defeated, he’s just done with this fight), the jackal might say something in the lines of “I suppose I’ve let this duel go on for long enough. I have other matters to attend to, Shadow the Hedgehog.”

We get back to the cutscene and Infinite is glitching a bit, quickly recomposing himself, laughing. Shadow is panting.

‘What’s the matter, Shadow? Can’t take down a measly jackal anymore?’ The masked one says sarcastically. ‘It seems like I’ve overestimated your strength. You’re no fit to be a mercenary at all.’

There’s a beat and Shadow realises what this is about. He looks at Infinite, frowning. ‘It’s you… Defence Squad Jackal…’

Infinite stares at the hedgehog. He doesn’t seem to be as amused anymore. His golden eye’s glowing under his mask, and so is the Phantom Ruby on his chest. A tense background music plays as Infinite answers dryly:

‘Yes.’

‘I’ve spared you, but now you’re going too far. It’s time to finish this! Chaos Spear!’

The spears of light simply go through Infinite as if they didn’t exist. Shadow goes for a spin dash/homing attack/kick to the face or whatever you can think of, but the masked villain glitches out of the way with ease and lands an almost perfect copy of Shadow’s roundhouse kick.

The hedgehog glides across the floor, almost falling over. Infinite scoffs.

‘This new “me” has limitless power. I have no mercy; no weakness! I am the true ultimate force that will tear this world apart, and what may have worked to bring me down before…’ the jackal starts floating again; thousands of red cubes start dancing around him and, as he raises a hand, they all group in the sky not far above them. ‘… No longer does.’

(Why yes, this is a reference to Mephiles the Dark and that time he destroyed the Sceptre of Darkness!)

Infinite throws his “Take THIS!” and Shadow does the “!” – which is him frantically trying to get out of the way as the thousands cubes of doom come crashing down on him.

The screen goes black.

Scene ends.

The Virtual Reality level should play as usual from there. I don’t even want to change the background dialogue, because I really like it: it’s confusing, it’s weird, it’s unsettling and it slaps Shadow in the face in a way that we rarely see. I love it! (Although, I do think the gameplay should have a tiny little bit more of 3D parts. We love Green Hill, but we also love the freedom to move on more than two directions when playing as the Ultimate Life Form. But it’s cool)

After that, we could get another cutscene (we’re full of cutscenes, huh? Well, this is a hypothetical rewriting with a hypothetical budget. Also, Episode Shadow is more of an exposition episode anyway). In this cutscene, we would start with some shots of different known locations: Green Hill, Chemical Plant, Crisis City, Mystic Jungle, Kingdom Valley, Babylon Garden, you name it! And all of these places are somewhat “corrupted”; they’re glitching out, full of those red cubes, and there’s just this ominous atmosphere in them, as if they’re abandoned, desolated despite looking roughly the same as ever. We then see a black-and-red blur cross the screen, and a short narration takes place:

“I’ve been here for longer than I can remember. This… alternate reality, this fake world. There seems to be no escape. Rouge and Omega talk to me occasionally…”

We see Shadow leaning against a wall. His communicator plays only white noise, then Rouge’s voice comes in; it’s strangely echoed as it calls out to him. Shadow throws the device far away and sighs.

“… They’re fake too. No matter where I go, no matter how much I run…”

Shadow is skating through Pumpkin Hill or something, when the world suddenly starts to glitch out massively; we hear the Phantom Ruby’s noise and suddenly, we’re on the ARK.

“It’s like this place was made to torture me. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.”

‘I’ve moved on from this a long time ago,’ Shadow says to the void of the Universe as we hear gunshots in the distance. He’s not being completely truthful. ‘Putting me through this scenario dozens of times changes nothing. Don’t you have anything more creative at this point?’

There’s silence, except for the shouts in the Space Colony. A voice calls out to Shadow, and he promptly ignores it, albeit with a pained look in his eyes. He’s visibly tired, almost hopeless, if one could ever describe Shadow the Hedgehog that way.

He sighs.

‘Alright, how do I get out of this one?”

We then get a start of a short level in the ARK. Don’t worry, it’s not one of those hellish mazes that usually haunt every ARK level there ever was; this is more straight forward, with doors closing all around you so that you know where you shouldn’t go, and some G.U.N. robots trying to kill you, simple thing.

The catch happens when you’re halfway through the level: as you’re crossing a long corridor, the game begins to “crash” – in the sense of you losing control of the character, the visuals beginning to glitch and the soundtrack going weird, all in a way that makes the soul leave the body of the player for a terrifying four seconds of “HOLY SHIT, I BROKE THE GAME”. But nope, you didn’t break the game: the Phantom Ruby is trolling you. We soon find that out as the signature noise plays and the glitching effect on screen disperses to show a new scenario: Mystic Jungle. The real Mystic Jungle. Congratulations: you get to play in a totally different zone for the rest of the level.

‘My head…’ Shadow murmurs to himself. ‘That was too quick; this can’t be right, it- ugh, why is it so bright here? Where are all the red things? This place seems too normal… is it… am I back in the real world?!’

We then finish the level, get our nice score and head to the last scene of the episode.

Shadow is going through the jungle, taking in everything that isn’t an illusion. He passes by a red sword stuck to the ground and leans against a tree, still a little out of it, still struggling to believe that anything is real anymore. The hedgehog then takes his communicator – surprisingly intact; hadn’t he thrown that away? – and tries to make contact. There is static for a moment, when suddenly…

‘Shadow? Oh my- Shadow, is that you?!’

He’s startled for a moment, but so relieved to hear Rouge’s normal voice again.

‘It’s me, Rouge. What’s the situation? Where’s Omega?’

‘Omega? We lost contact with him months ago; the Resistance says he must have been shut down after the Doctor took over!’

Shadow raises both his non-existing eyebrows in surprise, barely holding a gasp. He then frowns.

‘Shut down? Resistance? What do you mean “the Doctor took over”? What the heck happened?’

‘What happened? What happened?! I should be the one asking you that! You’ve been offline for six months! Everyone keeps saying you’re working with Eggman and Infinite, and I couldn’t contact you or Omega, I thought… I thought we’d lost you for good…’

‘Nonsense,’ Shadow states. We start hearing voices in the distance, and the hedgehog starts looking around while still talking ‘I’ll tell you the details later, it’s long story. What’s the current situation?’

‘Shadow…’

The (Tired) Ultimate Life Form spots something from behind the trees. Still in hiding, he looks closer only to see the Custom Hero holding the prototype Phantom Ruby they just found and talking to Tails and… Classic Sonic, much to Shadow’s confusion.

‘… We’re at war.’

Shadow takes a moment to process what’s just been said. He doesn’t even pay attention to what Rouge says next (neither do we, as the background music starts getting louder than the bat’s voice). He still watches the avatar, Tails and Classic Sonic as they leave; he focuses on the Phantom Ruby.

‘Meet me in the City. I’ve got a lot to tell you,’ Shadow says.

And with that, he leaves, the scene fades out and Episode Shadow is over!

*”The Light of Hope: Menu Version” plays in the background*

Now, a few more analytical notes before we close this ridiculously gigantic thing:

The immediate reason why we have Shadow being stuck in the Virtual Reality for six months is to indicate to us why he doesn’t show up earlier in the main game. It’s not like he was being useless this whole time and just decided to show up whenever it was most Ex-Machina of him; much like Sonic, he was trapped by the enemy. A mental trap that put Shadow on survivor mode for months without any way of communicating with anybody; with twisted versions of his friends trying to get to him and remind him that, hey, they’re still out there, probably in high danger; with these illusions mocking him, reminding him of painful memories, isolating him in familiar places… I say: if you want to emotionally hit a character, hit them hard. And this experience is bound to leave Shadow with some emotional scar, alright.

(Ever heard of conveniently coming out of nowhere?)

Shadow is bound to lose his sense of reality and sometimes it should be hard for him to acknowledge that this is the real world. I hope I can showcase some of his reactions in the later parts of this o3o

The Virtual Reality isn’t all glitchy by mistake. No, no: Infinite is perfectly capable of making a “perfect copy” of the real world, but he doesn’t want to. He wants Shadow to know this is a fake world and to know that he’s completely trapped in it while his real friends and allies are out there doing who-knows-what in a world run by the enemy. He wants to throw Shadow off-balance as much as he can, because he’s spiteful and doesn’t just leave the hedgehog to the side without a second glance.

In the game, Infinite says that they didn’t really have time to tune his power yet, so we can tell putting Shadow in the Virtual Reality was more of a practice of sorts. But man, I think this is too much of a cool concept, so I’ll say Infinite did put his power to the test before all of this; because Eggman, sir: you don’t simply throw your super-secret, amazing, unparalleled weapon in the battlefield without testing it first. This is something that can be inferred, it doesn’t need to be directly told, it just- I’m telling you this right now, ok?

I know Shadow is supposedly “over” this conflict with what happened in the ARK and it probably feels over-used to add it in again, but… it’s a thing the games haven’t tackled in such a long time, I feel like this would be a nice call-back. Besides, Infinite would want to know what would bring distress to Shadow; what happened in the ARK isn’t exactly a secret, especially if he’s working with Eggman. And Shadow can be as “over it” as he wants: it’s still a scar that will never truly leave him. Even if he watches it happen dozens of times, it’s still at least a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

ALTHOUGH! I also think this ARK level could be easily replaced with some other random level if you want to argue that Forces happens in Mobius or something, where Gerald and Maria and G.U.N. maybe never existed and whatnot.

What brought Shadow back, you ask? Well, it probably has to do with a certain someone spontaneously activating a Phantom Ruby. Maybe the avatar was thinking of Shadow and how it’d be nice to have him on their side again? Maybe they were thinking of undoing Infinite’s evil deeds? Maybe the raw power of the Phantom Ruby prototype being suddenly activated by the Custom Hero just crashed something another Phantom Ruby user did, like magnetic waves interfering with each other? Who knows?

I also find it important to show the Custom Hero here not only to show that there’s a connection between Shadow’s sudden freedom and their actions, but also to establish the tiniest amount of early familiarity between Shadow and the original character. Then maybe (maybe) I’ll give them a bit more of interaction in the main game, because it’d be nice to have a cool interaction with Shadow; and as endearing as his smile after the avatar does their thing with the sun of destruction is, it feels like it comes out of nowhere, if you think about it…

(I mean... Does he even know who we are?)

Infinite’s sword stuck to the ground goes completely over Shadow’s head, as he has no idea what that is or who it belonged to or what it means. It’s really just there for the viewer to reminisce the beginning of the episode and have a slight existential crisis.

When playing the main campaign, we get some pretty convenient information from Shadow once he finally shows up. Episode Shadow should give us a sense of how he knows those things. Want it or not, he did spend a long time studying the Phantom Ruby’s power far more closely than anybody else – well, maybe Sonic spent almost as much time as Shadow in a similar state, but that’s something to cover in another part.

The fact that Shadow is the one narrating this entire episode is supposed to allude to him telling Rouge exactly what happened during those six months he was gone. But if you want to read it as him talking to himself in the Virtual Reality as he slowly descends into madness, then be my guest!

I don’t know if it’s noticeable, but I’ve tried to tune Infinite’s cheesiness down a bit. I don’t think I can rid him of it entirely – after all, he is somewhat of a pompous, edgy, over-the-top character in general; he’s a full-on drama queen 24/7 and the only character cheesier than him is Sonic. Now, what we do with Infinite is to at least give a base to what he says. Also, I wanted him to sound a bit more like he lets the power get to his head. Oh well, I surely hope we’ll be tackling more of Infinite in the future!

Episode Shadow is extremely short, even for a DLC. I mean, it’s about only 20 minutes long – even less, if you’re good at it! With the addition of the cutscenes, the small changes, the boss fights against Squad Jackal and Infinite, and the added levels, the episode shouldn’t get overwhelmingly longer, but longer enough for it to feel more satisfying!

And with that, we’re done! I hope you enjoyed this massive thing. Despite me really liking Sonic Forces, I do think a few things could be improved. It’s not like it will happen, but rewriting is a lot of fun!

And why, no: I don’t take myself seriously.

[maxsmusicmacrology]

Album Analysis: Best of Crush 40

Halfway through the 90s, everything changed. The PlayStation came out in 94, allowing games with 3D graphics and high-fidelity (for the time, that is) audio. Big Red came hopping onto the scene with Super Mario 64 in 96, and Sonic Adventure came onto the scene at the very end of 98. As a latecomer to the 3D party, arriving over 2 years after Mario had such a successful romp, they needed something special. They needed…

Children’s media! I’m of the opinion that there are two main categories that children’s media can fall into: there’s media that is specifically made for children, like Blue’s Clues or Peppa Pig or those licensed Sesame Street games. Then there’s kid-friendly media that, while made for and marketed towards children, can still appeal to adults. This would be most Pixar movies, shows like Phineas and Ferb, and the object of today’s article, the Sonic franchise.

While there’s some pretty huge differences between children’s media and kid-friendly media, one thing they both have in common is the goal of teaching children a moral lesson. With varying degrees of success. This can be something simple like “stealing is bad”, but oftentimes there’s some greater nuance, like how the protagonist of Inside Out learns to value sadness and other “negative” emotions. But when working with hardware that has some intense limitations, like the NES or Sega Genesis, telling a complex story isn’t easy, which is why Save the Princess plots (Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, the opening to Final Fantasy) were so common: it allowed for a moral hero without requiring any deeper discussion. Sonic the Hedgehog went with a bit more of an environmentalist message- saving animals from an evil scientist- which was easy enough to portray in only 16 bits.

Halfway through the 90s, everything changed. The PlayStation came out in 94, allowing games with 3D graphics and high-fidelity (for the time, that is) audio. Big Red came hopping onto the scene with Super Mario 64 in 96, and Sonic Adventure came onto the scene at the very end of 98. As a latecomer to the 3D party, arriving over 2 years after Mario had such a successful romp, they needed something special. They needed…

I’m going to review this album out of order. This is a “Best of” album, so rather than being a picture of the band’s musical vision at any given time, it contains some of their best work from over a decade-long span. What I’m especially interested in is how the music interacts with its respective game and how it evolves with the franchise, so let’s take a look at song #15 first.

Open Your Heart kicks off Sonic Adventure with a bang. It’s the first thing you hear when you boot the game up and it accompanies the final battle. Well, most of it, anyway- part 1 of the battle gets Open Your Heart and part 2 gets generic “tense orchestral music”, which is a flat-out awful decision, but I digress. Tonally, it’s perfect- it starts out tense, preparing you for the fight ahead, and then the guitars kick in to pull you forward. But more importantly… this is why I brought up the moral conflict earlier. The story is simple, so the game leans on the song to deliver its message.

Much of the lyrics are as relevant today as they probably were for most of human history: the quieter intro bit describes various catastrophes, and describes the fear and confusion that follows (much like the one we’ve been living in for the past few months). The song’s chorus is built around a dialectic: Can’t hold on much longer/but I will never let go, but then ends with Open your heart, it’s gonna be alright. Together, these components combine the fear of catastrophe with the innate desire to make things better. It instills the idea that it’s okay to have conflicting feelings about a course of action, then promises that your heart will make the right choice.

Live and Learn is the main theme of the direct sequel, Sonic Adventure 2, and fills the same roles as Open Your Heart. The opening riff plays when the game is launched, the full song plays over the final battle, and it delivers the moral lesson of the game. If Open Your Heart introduces a lesson about conflict, then Live and Learn teaches you what to do when you’ve made the wrong choice. What happens if you trust the wrong people, stay when you should’ve run or run when you should’ve stayed, let something important fall into the wrong hands?

The very title of the song hints at its message- you learn from your mistakes and do better- but to me the line that really hits comes in the second verse. But you can’t save your sorrows/you’ve paid in trade. It recontextualizes all the regret someone feels from a mistake as a sort of currency: it’s not to be saved, kept in your mind and dwelled on- you’ve exchanged it, traded it for valuable life experience. If you focus on the mistake instead of the lesson, you’ll never grow, and it’ll all have been a waste. Not only is it a natural progression from the last song, it’s an absolute banger of a track.

Next up is Sonic Heroes, the intro track to… Sonic Heroes. That won’t be confusing. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this one, it’s not the big moral apex of the game and it’s much more of a title theme than the song the game wants you to walk away from. It’s goofy as hell to listen to, but it always puts a smile on my face.

What I’m Made of is the final battle theme to Sonic Heroes and is, in my opinion, the finale of the Open Your Heart trilogy. Looking at the three songs is a sort of rudimentary 3-act structure: you have the introduction and first conflict, the dark part at the end of act 2, and the triumphant closer. The protagonist takes the lesson they learned through the story and uses it to defeat their opponent. What I have in my two hands is enough to set me free. Use the lessons you’ve learned through hardship to better yourself. The songs form a very nice trilogy when viewed like this that parallels the games quite nicely, and I’m confused as to why they’re all out of order on the album.

That finishes off the Adventure and Heroes saga, and now onto… Shadow the Hedgehog… god. I Am… All of Me is the opening track to the game and also the first song on the album, and it’s so goofy. It tries to be all dark and intimidating because Shadow is the dark and edgy character, who has guns and says “damn” because he has a tragic backstory, and the character isn’t edgy because he’s a cartoon hedgehog and and the song isn’t edgy because it’s a song about a cartoon hedgehog.

That doesn’t mean it’s bad, mind you. I enjoy it, and in a way it’s a perfect fit for the game. It’s like a kid wearing a vampire costume on halloween: they can try to scare you all they want, but the worst they can do is make you smile.

All Hail Shadow is the next Shadow the Hedgehog piece. This one was originally by a group called Magna-Fi, and was covered by Crush 40 for use in later games when the band broke up. Shadow the Hedgehog features multiple paths and multiple endings, and this is the “true hero” ending when the player makes all the heroic choices. This song does a good job painting Shadow as Sonic’s foil: both of them are heroes from this point forward, but while Sonic is more of a classical hero, Shadow is an anti-hero. Somewhere in chaos we all find ourselves/this destruction is the only tale we tell. The game features Shadow trying to recover his memories and find his true self, figure out who he really is, and this is the song that has him rediscover himself as a hero.

Finally, Never Turn Back is the true ending theme for the game, and the last Shadow the Hedgehog song in the album. This is the “moral lesson” song I’ve been on about so much, and it’s a damn good one. It starts with a slow cover that samples I am… All of Me, then it gets a powerful kick that rings in the rest of the song. The message in the song is similar to Live and Learn about not repeating mistakes, but Never Turn Back gives a sense of a much more arduous period in one’s life. If Live and Learn is about recovering from a mistake, Never Turn Back is about recovering from a long series of them. It’s been a long rough road but I’m finally here/Move an inch forward, feels like a year. It’s very much about cutting yourself free of a bad period in your life and how difficult it can be to even stay put, but the positive vibe of the song reminds us to celebrate the small victories. It’s a bit more mature of a message for a game that… at least tried to be more mature.

I haven’t talked a whole lot about how the music interacts with the events of the game partially because this is a music review, but partially because it’s gone perfectly hand and hand with the music so far. There hasn’t been much dissonance between “rock music that gives life advice” and “young-ish hedgehog learning how to live life”. That’s about to change, though, because it’s time for Sonic 06. At the end of Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic declared that he was no one special, “just a guy who loves adventure”. This is when that ceased to be true.

The first three songs we discussed weren’t about Sonic. The singer was a nameless narrator occasionally fighting a nameless opponent. They were relevant to the series, but they could be about anyone. That’s what made them so versatile. His World is the main theme of Sonic 06, and where the other 2 versions of the song existed more to hype up Sonic as a character, the Crush 40 cover was more about the events of the game. As a song, it’s pretty good: it’s a more intense version of the original song, and it’s got a slower but steadier pace to it. But here’s what sets it apart from the other main themes: it’s about Sonic. It’s not a lesson about facing conflict and overcoming adversity wrapped up in an upbeat rock song, it’s about the events of the game and how awesome Sonic is. He isn’t the everyman anymore, he’s an important figure, a chosen one to save the world from this point forward. The music reflects that.

To really drive home this new direction they were going, Sega released two games for the Wii called “Sonic Storybook” games, where Sonic would become the main character of two classic stories: Arabian Nights and the legend of King Arthur. They’re both terrible in… just about every aspect, but the first entry Sonic and the Secret Rings is godawful. The main theme Seven Rings in Hand wasn’t written or originally performed by Crush 40, but for some reason they decided to cover it for their album, so I have to talk about it: it’s trash. It’s a bunch of empty lyrics about nothing with some pretty subpar mixing.

While Sonic and the Black Knight isn’t much better, it at least has a killer main theme. Knight of the Wind as a song is pretty badass, but it suffers the same issues as His World. There’s no more important meaning, it’s just about Sonic being a knight and saving people. It has a few familiar “never give up” themes, but it doesn’t do anything as well as Open Your Heart or Live and Learn. It falls into the Sonic Heroes mold where it’s fun to listen to and less fun to really take apart and analyze. The ending theme (which strangely precedes Knight of the Wind) Live Life samples Knight of the Wind, but that’s pretty much the coolest thing it does. It’s slow and pensive, making a sense of faux-thoughtfulness to cover mostly shallow lyrics.

With Me (Massive Power Mix) is the last Sonic and the Black Knight theme here, and was originally written by Crush 40 and performed by singers from the band “All Ends”. The album features a version performed by the band itself, and the song is unique in that it’s sung from the POV of the game’s villain. As a result, it features a look into a character who walked a “dark path”, weighed down by the mistakes they made. Don’t blame [me] for what I have become. It’s an ideological clash against the values in the other songs, arguing that anyone can be tempted to become evil. It’s deeper than anything in the game, but it’s shockingly good considering its source material.

That does it for the main series themes, but there’s a few others on here- a couple tracks for the racing games, an oddly placed cover of Fire Woman, and a too-slow ballad-sounding original song called Is It You. However, I think I’ve gone on long enough, and I’ve discussed everything I wanted to: how the songs showcased on this album elevate the messages given in the games.

Ultimately, all these songs are mirrors of the game they’re in, for better or worse. For that, I have to applaud the band’s versatility- even if most of the songs are the same genre, they cover a wide range of moods and messages depending on what the game demands. They can write a kick-ass guide to getting over failure or a fun little romp to introduce a game. Even divorced from their source material, many of the songs stand well on their own, and there’s a very good reason why fans of the franchise want Crush 40 to return for future installments.

Videos cited:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJYxYzxFyZw Peppa Pig - Caddicarus (warning: weird shit)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JWYDUYqhlc&list=PL5F29F0909BF08B56&index=15 - Best of Crush 40 Playlist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voI-9TdS0Jw - Seven Rings in Hand (Crush 40 Ver)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HrOjyltyEM - With Me (Massive Power Mix)

[naivesilver]

31, 56, 19, 78, 20, 16, 11, 12 , 10, 4, 1, 21, 36, 39. Sorry if this is too many 😅

Guys it’s NEVER too many you’re giving me the chance to talk nonstop about Sonic it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in days

also I had planned to answer them in the order you asked for but it was driving me crazy so I sorted them out thematically sorry alfhjkhljshja

I answered 1 here!

100 Sonic Questions

21.) Tell us a funny Sonic-related story.

This one comes from the depths of my very first months as a Sonic fan. Basically, I had watched Sonic X upon its first Italian release as a very very smol bean. By the time I got obsessed again in middle school, though, I had forgotten everything about it except a few shots from the Italian opening theme and ONE scene from a season three episode, where Sonic and Knuckles played chess on a spaceship and then Sonic began running around and fell into space.

The “friend” that had introduced me to the show again (not a nice person and source of about 25% of my trauma, I’m glad to say I haven’t seen her in years) didn’t believe me and accused me of lying. Repeatedly. Unkindly. For months. How could such a stupid scene be in such an amazing cartoon? I must be trying to fuck with her.

Fast forward to the end of the year. I’m minding my business and I see a Facebook message from this friend, and another, and another. I click on it wondering what she’d be going ham over, and BAM. This girl had been watching Sonic AMVs on Youtube and had caught a glimpse of that scene at the beginning of a video and was fucking losing it over the fact that WOW, I HAD BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH ALL ALONG?!

Now, you have to understand that I wasn’t the kind of kid that swore, back then. I had been brought up to think that swear words would send you to hell straight away. And while not a delicate little flower, I was much, much cuter and more proper than I am now because I couldn’t live out my butch dreams quite yet. But I needed to express all the frustration gathered in those months.

So please imagine this baby-faced, straight A student 13yo wait for her friend in front of their school and bellow at the top of her lungs “BITCH, WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU?”

I still remember that scene fondly, though.

31.) Tell us a Sonic-related story that will give us feels.

Related to the experience I just mentioned, the problem I had in my first years in this fandom was that this person who had dragged me into it was obsessed with the thought that people would mock us for it. She said it was for kids, and when she got over it she gave me shit for clinging to my passion while she’d “grown up”, and she had me enjoy Sonic in secret and yelled at me for saying anything even vaguely related out loud where other people could hear us.

It got into my head so much that for a long long time I didn’t dare share anything Sonic-adjacent on any social media, long past when I’d broke away from her. I thought no one would ever take me seriously again. I felt ashamed a lot.

It got better, though. Slowly, I broke out of my shell and started interacting with this amazing fandom, and I found lots of people who didn’t give a damn about what the world thought of their passion. And I know tons of wonderful people outside the fandom, too, friends who encourage me to talk about Sonic even though they don’t know anything about it. Chats where any mention of Sonic has someone saying “wait we must tag naivesilver into this she’ll love it”. It’s - it warms my heart every day. Tumblr is a shithole, but it helped me in feeling free to do what I love in the fandom that I love most.

Thank you. To everyone that got me through that, thank you. You have no idea how helpful you’ve been to me.

19.) Favorite soundtrack

KNOCK KNOCK IT’S FUCKING KNUCKLES

20.) Least favorite soundtrack?

None I think???? There are some I don't listen to much, either because I haven't played the game or I just don't vibe with them, but there isn't any song that I particularly dislike. Almost all of them are genuine bops.

16.) (if you read fanfic) What are some fic tropes you love? Ones you hate?

FOUND FAMILY!!! Adoptive parents, siblings, friends taking care of each other, I want a shitton of fluff in my life. And kid!fic. I could read (and write!) kid!fic every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. That's why I enjoy Chaotix and Sonic Movie fics so much. Let's raise them boys well.

As for hating...I don't like high school AUs lmao I wrote one when I was younger but I never dared touch it again and I haven't read any Sonic one since 2014 at most. And most time travel fics. Sorry, Silver, I love you a fucking lot but time travel shenanigans are only funny in the two or three specific settings my mind lets me enjoy.

11.) Top five stages.

In no particular order:

-Press Garden (Mania)

-Casinopolis (Adventure)

-Casino Forest (Forces)

-Studiopolis (Mania)

Anddddd I haven't played much else so I'll have to get back to you on this ajshfkjfahlljha

12.) Worst five stages.

-IMPERIAL TOWER

-IMPERIAL TOWER

-Jesus Christ I died 78 times in that stage alone

-I'm bad at being fast and not falling off stuff and it required me to do both at the same time

-Also the Shadow DLC levels. Fuck me up a bit more will you

56.) In your opinion, what’s the weirdest thing any character has ever said?

I'm a simple girl, I see this panel and I lose my shit

10.) What do you like best about your favorite animated adaptation?

I only finished my Sonic X rewatch yesterday and I’ve been meaning to make some final comments about it (tho it’d probably be me rambling at thin air bc I doubt I can say anything that hasn’t been already said over and over and over) but the most compelling thing for me is and always will be the music.

Don’t get me wrong, what I’ve seen of the OG Japanese version had wonderful, heartfelt music, but the upbeat themes I grew up with still have me vibing day in and day out. I can dance to the Italian opening sequence at any given moment - no, you know what, here it is. Watch it and feel the serotonin drip into your veins.

(Some people will come at me for this, but I didn’t watch this show in 2019-2020 to make an in-depth analysis about it. I did it to have a dance off while Knuckles beat up some robots.)

78.) Post a scene that always gives you feels.

Sonic 06:

13yo me about to see her first ship torn apart:

4.) The last Sonic game you played is now your life. How awesome is this adventure gonna be?

Sonic Adventure - which means it’s a pretty cool life, unless it runs like SA does on my laptop and it turns slow and glitchy and grinds on my nerves even more

36.) C’mon now. How many ships do you have? :P

A FUCKING LOT my main ones are silvaze, vecpio and sonadow but I have many medium or small ones that I enjoy finding content for, like tikaze or knouge

39.) Which game is your golden standard?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not the greatest game fan as in I’ve only been actively playing for the past 2/3 years. Before that it was just gameplays on Youtube, so you should not take my opinion into any account since it’s not very informed.

However there was something about Sonic and the Black Knight that just felt...new? Peculiar? I know jack shit about the technical side of gaming but I remember being extremely pumped every time I logged in to see more of it. I'd like to feel that again, when a new game drops.

[cupofsorrows]

A Conceptual Post About Pokémon as D&D Monsters

I know, I know, it’s been done before, but I’ve been having a lot of ideas about D&D lately and it occurred to me that it might be fun to try to adapt Pokemon to the standard dnd setting(s) - that is, not just copying them wholesale as in, “you open the dungeon door and see a pikachu” but taking the concept of the creature and placing it in your world as something that genuinely belonged there. Like, say, You confront your party with a large turtle-monster that sprays high-powered water jets as its primary mode of attack. It’s essentially a blastoise, but that isn’t what it’s called and it doesn’t necessarily have to follow the rules that an actual blastoise would in the pokemon games. I’ve seen pokemon stat block writeups before, but they’re usually pretty straightforward “this is a psyduck” type deals, and what I’m interested in is retooling the monster to fit in a different world (while keeping the core of it intact). What’s it called (if it has a different name)? Where does it come from in your world, and where does it live? If the original had evolutions, does this version? Lots of potential there. To that end, here are a few pokemon that I think have particularly interesting concepts:

Phantump: Honestly all of the ghost pokemon have interesting concepts but I didn’t want to have a disproportionate number of ghost-types so I chose this one. Core concept is a furtive little forest spirit that uses old tree stumps (or perhaps fallen logs) as surrogate bodies/protective shells. Canon lore says they’re supposedly the spirits of children who died in the forest, so take or leave that as you please. Now, none of these suggestions have to look exactly like their inspirations as long as they convey the idea - for instance I sort of imagine these guys as little humanoid figures made of gnarled wood, which also gives me distinct skull-kid-from-LoZ vibes (but maybe that should be a separate post...)

Heliolisk: I don’t really know what drew me to this critter in particular, except that ‘solar-powered lizard that can shoot electricity and stuff’ is just a good creature to put in a made-up world (probably in a desert region). It even has “-lisk” in its name, like the more infamous basilisk, so it already sounds like it SHOULD be a mythical creature. As I’m writing this I realize that it strongly resembles the already-in-dnd shocker lizard, but come on, this thing is way more badass. Also I was just reading about it on Bulbapedia and apparently it can run super-fast? so... that’s in there, too.

Snorlax or Slaking: Look I just like the concept of a big hairy beast that’s super strong but spends almost all of its time asleep. Not even sure that would affect its stats but it’s great flavor.

Zygarde: A host of tiny organisms - maybe even single-celled - which can come together to form larger gestalt creatures (most famously a massive serpent/worm, but even more powerful forms may be possible). Should be a very powerful, possibly unique, individual, since it is a legendary pokemon.

Dhelmise: Sentient algae that uses marine detritus as a ‘skeleton’? The ghost type delivers again! I imagine that before humans were responsible for so much stuff being in the ocean these must have used a lot of animal bones (and maybe some driftwood) instead.

Seismitoad: I think there are already frog monsters with sonic attacks, but that was only half of the appeal for me here, the other half being ‘large bipedal frog’. I hold this as being very different from bullywugs, grippli, or any other amphibian-based humanoids: While froglike, those are all still fundamentally types of people, whereas this beast is first and foremost a frog. A frog that walks upright and has opposable thumbs. This also works with poliwhirl/poliwrath and croagunk/toxicroak, but then the sonic/vibration stuff won this one out for me by a slim margin. (Addendum: I have come to the realization that seismitoad and croagunk don’t actually have opposable thumbs according to their artwork. Whatever, just fudge it.)

Tropius: This one’s just plain weird. Like, almost exeggcutor-level weird (dang, maybe I should have chosen exeggcutor instead. But tropius is less famously weird. Side note: what’s up with pokemon based on palmlike plants?) It’s part small sauropod dinosaur, part banana tree, and while I’m not sure whether it should be classified as a plant or not, I do know that it can definitely fly. Also, it produces delicious fruit you can eat!

Parasect: You probably figured I was going to mention this one. Everyone thinks of paras and parasect when they think of pokemon with weird but cool concepts. MY take is that the fungus could infest different types of giant vermin, perhaps making it the basis for a template. Or not; these are just suggestions. Do whatever.

Larvesta and Volcarona: Maybe I’m just on a kick from all the GKOTM fanart I’ve been seeing, but giant fire-spitting caterpillar + giant fiery moth adult seems like a creature idea worth exploring. Larvesta also takes longer to evolve than any other stage-one pokemon, which I see as representing a long time spent in larval form (or pupated), which in turn resembles kaiju’s long periods of ‘dormancy’, bringing us back to Mothra (as all things must). Also, I think larvesta/volcarona are the only bug/fire types in the whole series so far? That’s nuts to me but it just makes them even more special.

Abra: Honestly the way this guy looks is like 90% of the appeal for me here. Abra looks like an armadillo tried to evolve into a monkey and somehow ended up with psychic powers in the process. It levitates and teleports, and according to the lore it’s usually asleep but thanks to its psychic powers is still aware of its surroundings. That’s right, its eyes aren’t really narrow, they’re just closed all the time. Do any images of abra with its eyes open exist? If they do, are we prepared to see them? As always, don’t feel like you have to give any of these guys evolved forms just because they evolve in the games. I’m definitely not saying this here specifically because I like abra’s design more than its evolutions, no sir.

Pinsir or Heracross: Pretty much the same as with the toads a few entries above. Clearly not people, but just vaguely reminiscent enough to maybe be just a little unsettling. C’mon, I know they’re cute in the games and the show but tell me you wouldn’t be at least slightly perturbed if you saw a real-life beetle the size of a 10-year-old trundling around on two legs. Even if you thought it was rad as hell you’d still get out of there pretty quick if it started trundling towards you.

Slowpoke: Listen if you don’t get the appeal of a semi-aquatic, ambiguously mammalian quadruped that has psychic capabilities but is also comically oblivious to external stimuli then I just don’t know what to tell you.

Barbaracle: Colonial organism sort of like Zygarde, except the individual parts are bigger. It could even be modular, with the various ‘limbs’ combining in different ways, although that could also complicate the stat block.

Gothitelle: Conceptually I suppose this is just another humanoid psychic creature, but a while ago I saw someone point out how its frills and whatnot are sort of reminiscent of a sea slug, and damned if ‘anthropomorphic nudibranch’ doesn’t get my blood flowing.

Rapidash: Pretty simple, a unicorn variant/non-evil fire horse. Who wouldn’t want one of those?

Necrozma: I never actually played Sun and Moon 2, nor did I get too deep into the postgame ultra beast stuff in SuMo 1, so regrettably I missed out on a lot of the wonderful interdimensional weirdness. While each ultra beast is appealing in its own way, Necrozma is practically a Lovecraftian Great Old One already what with how it was once an interstellar being of heat and light but was somehow injured or depleted and has now become a completely different creature that travels from world to world absorbing all light. That’s a pretty raw concept for any story, let alone a cute kid’s game. And it’s always a plus when something can be cool and threatening while still being safe for a G rating! You could also do what SuMo2 did and take your heroes to a world that’s already had its light stolen by the beast, to explore how the inhabitants of that world have been affected as well as show what awaits the heroes’ world... or just as a nice change of scenery. Lastly there’s the possibility that Necrozma must ultimately be defeated not through violence, but by figuring out how to restore it to its original form. It isn’t too often that the cosmic monstrosity could actually use your help, and it might leave the PCs feeling like they really accomplished something epic. Alternately, it returning to its original form also makes a great homage to the multiple forms of every JRPG final boss ever, a trope that has been under-represented in D&D for TOO LONG.

...and that’s it, at least for now. Naturally, there are about a thousand other possibilities, including different ways of interpreting the examples I’ve provided here. I suppose they could also be used for purposes besides D&D, although if you’re going to put any of this in the fantasy novel you’ve been working on I suggest you be extra diligent in obfuscating the creatures’ actual origins so as to avoid a visit from any lawyers. I don’t know if anybody is actually even going to see this post at all, but if it does end up getting around, then I fully encourage all of you to put your own spins on this if you’re inspired to do so! I’d love to see what other people might come up with.

[breakingitswings]

1-30

Not sure if this is all 30 I had to copy and paste one at a time

your favourite playlist (made by yourself or someone else): damn my old crying playlist from like 6 or so years ago. Never ever failed to hit hard

how many houseplants in your room, and what kinds are they?: none, not a plant person, although I like how they look, succulents are cute though

your favourite “grounding” activity (anything that involves using the hands/doesn’t involve “spacing out” or escapism - something like gardening, knitting, dancing, cooking): cleaning, cuz that usually involves dancing

an account on social media whose posts make you smile: my girl somethingabouttheway haha like the last account here I follow that's active. And a girl we know on fb always posts the funniest things.

5 tv shows that cheer you up: the office, brooklyne nine nine, soul eater, ouran high school host club, the good place

how you get relaxed when you’re struggling to sleep: I don't, I just put on YouTube and wait till I knock out

your favourite board game: my bros and I took a monopoly board and made our own, however it's broken and while one bro was getting all these things I still technically won. A version 2.0 patch is still to come

if you were going to write a non-fiction book on any topic, what would it be?: not sure, maybe heartbreaks, just curious to actually talk to people about emotions and thoughts on life in general but pain is always interesting

a quote that you would consider getting tattooed or putting in a frame: "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?" Dead Poets Society

something you’ve created in the last year that you’re proud of (a playlist, a piece of art, some writing, a craft hobby, a social media account, etc): oof been a year of just getting by, well last how many years I guess. One of my bros and i are trying to write more, we keep brainstorming ideas whenever we hang out

a tip or hack you’ve learned that makes cleaning or tidying easier: nothing, still clean how I usually do

if you could make a candle that smelt like anything, what would you pick?: I don't even know, honestly my favorite scent is usually from a girl so

the last so-bad-it’s-good joke you heard: what's a duck's favorite drug? Quack lol wasn't that good but a friend and I were just sending jokes at each other it was a good moment

an artist (of any kind) whose work you look forward to seeing: in what way? I mean love to see whatever epik high does next. Or I wanna read more of Neil Gaiman. Or now that I've heard of Terry Pratchett I wanna read the Discworld series

the last tv episode that made you laugh out loud: brooklyn nine nine, watch it every week

how you wake your body up when it’s feeling tired, achy or needs a stretch: so I slap my chest, rotate my shoulders and start jumping

a bath, shower, beauty or toiletry product that makes you feel revived, or that you always re-order when it’s running out: nada

a book series you can always escape in: I wanna read series of unfortunate events again, I have most of the books, found them at a place that sells used books

the sport or exercise you enjoy the most, and what’s helped you get better at it: basketball, I still suck, but the sound and movements, the rhythm, feels amazing

a skill you’ve picked up in the past few years: I am a guy of no skill sorry

a youtube video you find useful, entertaining or relaxing:

https://youtu.be/AaV8NeT0fnY

And this isn't even mu favorite episode

if you were going to dye your hair any colour of the rainbow, what would you choose?: so weeb of me but I been wanting to do a white or silver with black mix. Was actually getting the balls to do it for vacation but that's canceled

the book you just finished and what you thought (no spoilers!): Good Omens was really good, not my favorite from Gaiman but how do i even compare books from my favorite author. It was enjoyable the whole way, i had fun and laughs.

describe the most wacky, weird and wonderful at-home outfit you’ve put together: don't think I have one, I prefer less clothes at home lol

a game you’re playing that takes your mind off things: besides the obvious of animal crossing haha astral chain

the film you watched most recently that you could watch again and again: tough one, I don't watch too many of the good ones over and over like I enjoyed parasite and knives out but not sure I'd watch often. I'd probably get sick of sonic or alita or detective pikachu after too many. AH rush hour was on tv, damn I can watch those all the time and still laugh

your favourite flavour and brand of tea: not sure, kinda just drink whatever tea is lying around the house. Not a big tea drinker but I like it and prefer it over coffee

a good-will story you’ve heard on the news that’s made you feel hopeful: my friend invited me to a fb group called go outside and howl at 8pm and it's just super wholesome seeing strangers send supporting messages or how people can post recovery type stories and find solace. Makes my day seeing it

a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make: does spaghetti take long? Cuz mom's spaghetti of marinara sauce, ground beef, pasta, brown sugar, sausages and pasta (yes that's 6 but whatever) love it

a song that makes you want to have a boogie round your bedroom:

https://youtu.be/Lbc2BkJrvWQ

My favorite singer took one of my favorite songs from him and changed it up and I still love it

[heavyelectricity]

I've got a couple of questions for ya, to get a dialogue going (feel free to answer as briefly or as in-depth as you'd like!): What is your personal favourite sound chip, and why? // What are your favourite video game scores, and why? // Who are your favourite game composers, and why? (there's a few more I can think of, but I'll save those for another ask).

Favourite sound chipI’m really partial to the Yamaha YM2610 used in the Neo Geo - advanced enough to have good PCM support, old enough to have lots of good FM usage too. I’ve got a lot of respect for the way musicians used the sample-based sound chips of consoles like the Saturn and PlayStation, but when used super well they may as well just be playing CD audio - and that’s not quite retro enough for my tastes.

Shouts also to the Texas Instruments SN76489 and the MOS Technology SID.

Favourite video game scores3,333,360 - perfect score in Pac-Man.

Oh.

Man, there’s a long list here. Let’s have a think. Lots of my choices are super obvious. Sonic games go here - I’d be here all day if I listed them all. No matter what’s going on in the rest of the game, the music is usually good. Likewise, lots of SNK fighting games. I’ll single out The King Of Fighters 98 and The Last Blade 2 as highlights. Obviously OutRun, obviously the Streets Of Rage games, obviously Danganronpa and Thunder Force III and Ridge Racer and Daytona and F-Zero. Maybe I should talk about the less obvious ones?

I really like the soundtrack to Midnight Resistance, particularly the Mega Drive version. It’s a perfect run-and-gun soundtrack (up there with the likes of Mercs and Metal Slug in my estimation), expertly converted.

The Bitmap Brothers games often had some good sound work. The Chaos Engine has a pretty great soundtrack and Speedball 2′s intro theme is a classic (I found a belter of a remix tonight, too).

Headhunter’s soundtrack goes for a super over the top Hollywood action feel, bringing in the London Session Orchestra, and nails it. Jack’s Theme is obviously a highlight, but my personal favourite track is the first boss theme, Greywolf. You’d never guess that it was a first boss theme, it sounds like the climax of the whole game! But it really puts over the importance of the encounter, and I like that.

There are so many great PlayStation games that some really great soundtracks get overlooked. Tobal No.1 is a good example (Disused Mine is a banger), as is Jumping Flash! (seriously, who does bagpipes well in video game music?). Incredible Crisis’ soundtrack is great too, done by Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra.

Detonator has a really chilled soundtrack that occasionally veers into sombre territory. I like it.

Favourite video game composersI’ll probably forget some here, and this post is already a long’un so let’s limit it to ten.

Yuzo Koshiro: The first video game composer I knew by name, and for good reason. Ys, Streets Of Rage, Actraiser, and he just keeps going and never lapses in quality.

Richard Jacques: For some people, this man will always be associated with Sonic R - and I like that soundtrack so that’s fine, but stuff like Headhunter and his OutRun remixes proves there’s more than just the cheesy pop going on.

Matt Furniss: Again, great work overlooked because of one thing. Like, check out Lemmings on the Master System - it’s not an easy piece of kit and he made the damned thing sing.

Takenobu Mitsuyoshi: One more time - most people know him as the Daytona vocals guy, and that’s fine but his other work is awesome. Ride The Tiger is the best Virtua Fighter track ever and the Shenmue theme proves his talent with diverse styles.

Masafumi Takada: It takes some talent to take a lovely sunny beach setting and turn it into something deeply unsettling through music alone, yet this guy does that in Flower, Sun, And Rain as well as Danganronpa 2.

Jun Senoue: He gets a lot of shit from certain parts of the Sonic fanbase and I don’t think that’s really fair - he’s contributed a lot in this series and others. I might just be biased because whenever I’ve interviewed him, he’s been super cool (it’s not often the interviewee asks questions back).

Hitoshi Sakimoto: Apart from being a wizard with the Mega Drive, this guy is behind the Valkyria Chronicles soundtracks, which I love. Another guy with real longevity in the business.

Hiroshi Kawaguchi: Look at what he’s worked on and, just, yeah.

Michiru Yamane: Because I don’t religiously play the Castlevania games, I don’t have a complete picture of her work, but everything she works on tends to have excellent music - most recently Monster Boy And The Cursed Kingdom.

Tim Wright: I could talk about his whole career, and it is impressive, but mostly I really really liked the Wipeout games. Their soundtracks are remembered primarily for the licensed music, but his contributions were just as important.

[cinderellaahhh]

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🏐🏐🏐🏐Funny Volleyball Team Names

1. Hit For Brains – Definitely not the smartest team out there.

2. Size Matters – Only if you’re short... or small, even.

3. Beavis and Bumphead – After Beavis and Butthead.

4. Ball Busters – The ball won’t be the same shape after playing this team.

5. Phantom Balls – Now you see them, now you don’t.

6. Setsaholics Anonymous – They’re going to sets you up.

7. Block Magic – After the South Park episode Cock Magic.

8. ACME Roofing – There won’t be a roof for long when you play this team.

9. Balls In Your Face – That’s got to be painful.

10. Safe Sets – How sets should be.

11. Practice Safe Sets – Practice every

day.

12. Where’s My Beaches At? – At the

beach?

13. How I Set Your Mother – Do tell.

14. The Dirty Half Dozen – Nice and filthy.

15. Hit Head – Why score points when you

can reduce your rivals’ brain cells?

16. Sand Eaters – They have a habit of

falling over.

17. Donald Bump – Bumping away

ignorantly of the rest of the world.

18. Nine Inch Males – So small?

19. Heads In The Sand – Stay away from

danger!

20. Good Volley Ms. Molly – Why thank

you!

21. Clever Beaches – Get ready to be

outsmarted.

22. Sand In The Vaseline – I’m sure

they’re having a great time at the

beach.

23. The Fighting Amish – Playing the old-

fashioned way.

24. Ball Bangers – Hitting balls a little too

hard.

25. Bros And Hoes – For a mixed team.

26. Public Sets Offenders – They’re not

allowed near certain places.

27. The Blair Hits Project – Getting

beaten by them is like a horror movie.

28. Ball Whisperers – They’ll get that ball

to go anywhere they want.

29. Setsy Time – After Borat’s

catchphrase.

30. Natural Disasters – It’s totally normal

for this team to lose.

31. Kinky Sets – The best kind of sets.

32. Men In Speedos – They make

everyone at the beach feel awkward.

33. Net Servers – For a techie crowd.

34. Touch And Go – Win some, lose some.

35. Caution! Low Roof! – About to leap

into space!

36. Wild Sets – These guys are passionate

about sets.

37. This Won’t Take Long – Beating their

rivals in seconds... or are they the ones

who get beaten?

38. The Joy Of Sets – Gotta love good

sets.

39. Set ‘Em Hussein – After Saddam

Hussein.

40. Spike Me Hard, Baby – It’s the only

way it should be done.

41. Setting Ducks – They have no idea

what they’re doing here.

42. Will Work For Sets – Nothing wrong

with that.

43. We Need Sets – We all do!

44. Hits Don’t Lie – After My Hips Don’t

Lie by Shakira.

45. Kiss My Ace – With pleasure.

46. Thongs And Dongs – Another perfect

name for a mixed team.

47. All Net – A team with no chance of

scoring.

48. The Blazing Sunburns – You’ll spot

this team a mile away.

49. Team Ibuprofen – They may be a little

sickly.

50. A Case Of The Hits – The only illness

that’s guaranteed to help you win.

51. Chicks With Digs – Why can’t chicks

have digs?

52. Trump’s Wall – Non–existent then?

53. Sonova Beach – Say it fast...

54. Sets With A Stranger – Players, 100%.

55. I’ve Seen Better Digging In A

Graveyard – Ouch!

56. Sand Castles – They might get a little

distracted.

57. We Showed Up – To what? To lose?

58. Chewblocka – After Chewbacca from

Star Wars.

59. Itsy Bitsy Spikers – Too cute to be

taken seriously.

60. Drunk, Stupid and Clumsy – And

honest.

61. Spiky Nips – For a girls’ team that’s got

that perfect spike.

62. Full Of Hits – They talk a lot of crap.

63. The Powerpuff Girls – Great for a girl

team made of three.

64. Setsy And We Know It – And so does

everyone else.

65. Unprotected Sets – Not advisable.

66. Big Swinging Ds And Ts – Another

name for a mixed team.

67. Go Sets Yourself – Just not on the

beach.

68. Johan Sebastian Block – Composing

a win!

69. Scared Hitless – Is what the other

team will be!

70. Death Volley – Wordplay on Death

Valley.

71. Hit And Miss – Haven’t quite got the

hang of this game yet have you guys?

72. 2 Legit 2 Hit – Well at least you have a

reason...

73. One Hit Wonders – Will score and it

will be amazing, but only once.

74. We Like Big Balls – Big balls are more

fun.

75. You’ve Been Served – Will be in court

right after this game.

76. We Dig 4-Play – Looking for another

team that also enjoys a bit of 4-play.

77. Vertically Challenged – For a team of

shorties.

78. Salad Tossers – Good at throwing

things around.

79. Sand Slingers – Why play fairly and

lose when you could play dirty and win?

80. Not In The Face! – These team will

definitely get hit hard in the face.

81. Setsy Ladies – All the guys on the

beach are looking at them.

82. Bumping Uglies – Not the most

handsome team in the world.

83. Interracial Sets – For a team made up

of people of different racial

backgrounds.

84. Here For The Exercise – Not the most

athletic team.

85. That’s What She Sets – Wordplay on

the phrase ‘that’s what she said’.

86. Smack Your Balls – Painful.

87. Butt Sets – Kinky.

88. If Pigs Could Fly – A team of fat guys

who can jump amazingly high for their

size.

89. Wild Wings – Wordplay on the song

Wild Thing by The Troggs.

90. Sets On The Beach – A dream come

true.

91. Sloppy Sets – They need a bit of

practice.

92. Just The Tip – They’re gentle.

93. Ain’t That A Beach – It certainly is.

94. Six Packs – Great stomachs or a pack

of six beers?

95. Court Jesters – More interested in

making the audience laugh than

winning.

96. Couch Potatoes – They really get this

much exercise.

97. Sets Pistols – After the band The Sex

Pistols.

98. We’re All HIV Positive – And proud.

99. Blue Balls – You guys all need to get to

a doctor immediately.

100. Red Hot Silly Peppers – Another

bunch of comedians.

Cool Volleyball Team Names

A cool team deserves a cool name, the following are cool volleyball team names you can call your team.

101. The Tidal Waves – Invading the entire beach.

102. SWAT Team – Swatting that ball out of the way.

103. Score More – Than the other team.

104. Mission Unblockable – No ball gets

past them.

105. Cobra Kai – After the martial arts team

in The Karate Kid.

106. Atomic Block – Blasting that ball away!

107. Shaken, Not Stirred – Just like 007.

108. We Always Get Up – When this team

gets knocked down, they’re quick to get

back on their feet.

109. Big Digs And Hot Passes – You know

what to expect.

110. Arm And Hammer – For a tough team.

111. In Your Face – Winning and damn proud.

112. Bump It Up – That ball will never touch the ground.

113. Net Domination – The other team will never even get it past the net.

114. Soaring At The Net – Where they play best.

115. Air Force One – After the US presidents private jet.

116. In Motion – They can’t stop moving.

117. On Your Knees – The other team will

be...

118. That Hurt? – It probably did if it came

from this team.

119. Spin Doctors – They always think

they’re winning, even when they’re not.

120. On Fire – Just unstoppable.

121. Spider Chicks – They can reach

anything.

122. Net Results – Scoring at the net.

123. Killer Serves – The other team will be

flabbergasted.

124. Sabretooth Spikers – Aggressive

spikes, to say the least.

125. Pure Energy – The other team won’t

know where you get it from.

126. Attack Pack – They play like animals.

127. Hanging Loose – The most relaxed

volleyball team you’ll ever meet.

128. Prime Time Players – A team that’s

playing in its prime.

129. Gung-Ho – Ready for just about

anything.

130. Block Or Bleed – The other team will

be too afraid to do anything.

131. Bump, Set, Dismember – After they

beat you, they’ll cut you up.

132. Hit Me – If you dare.

133. Lightning Strike – When they hit that

ball they light up the sky.

134. Planet Volleywood – So good they

should be famous.

135. It’s Gotta Be Da Shoes – Nope, they

just play amazingly.

136. Now Serving – So get ready to lose.

137. Bumping Maniacs – Addicted to

bumping.

138. Elite Volleyball – The absolute best.

139. Set To Kill – The other team.

140. Sonic Boom – You can hear them

hitting that ball from space.

141. I’d Hit That – You really should.

142. Death At The Net – There isn’t a worse

way to die.

143. The Wall – No balls get past them.

144. Volley Girls – Girls who own this game.

145. The Lost Boys – Unruly savages.

146. Extreme Volleyball – Volleyball isn’t

supposed to be a leisurely sport, it

should be hardcore.

147. EZ Pass – Making the other team look

like amateurs.

148. That’s Some Serve – You bet it is!

149. Sand People – After the fictional

characters in Star Wars.

150. Hit-men – Hired to assassinate the

other team.

151. See Ya – Wouldn’t wanna be ya!

152. Block You Like A Hurricane – After

the song “Rock You like a Hurricane” by

The Scorpions.

153. Game On – Yeah, winning is great, but

these guys just love playing.

154. Court Hogs – Loving the game so

much, they won’t let anyone else on the

court.

155. Volley Vipers – They’ve got a bite

that’ll kill.

156. High–Performance Volleyball – Don’t

even think about playing this team

unless you’re in the same league.

157. Air Traffic Control – Spectators can be

forgiven for thinking that ball was a

plane.

158. Speedy Spikers – Fast and very spiky.

159. Flight Fight – Known to hit balls in mid-

air.

160. Team World Class – Should really be

playing in the Olympics.

161. Net Ninjas – Assassinating that ball

whenever it gets to the net.

162. Net Assets – They’re owning the

game.

163. White Lightning – Striking out the

other team.

164. The Challengers – They make the

other team want to play better.

165. Volleyball Above All – It is a way of

life.

166. All Set At The Net – Can’t pass this

defense.

167. It’s A Hard Bump Life – It is.

168. The WildCats – The most vicious team

you’ll play against.

169. Vision Quest – Playing to reach a

higher power.

170. Monster Spikes – Those are some mean spikes

#volleyball