#I’ve never posted my stuff here before
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i’ve had a film journal since 2020 ish, it got serious in 2021 bc i got really into marvel so i just couldn’t stop hehe and i made a spread recently for 9-1-1! i figured i’d share it <3
(pssst the spotify code is for shake it out by florence + the machine bc of season 1! that song has alwaaaaays reminded me of this show so ofc i had to include it!)
#film journal#film#movie#journal#filmspread#911 season 7#9-1-1#9-1-1 on abc#evan buckley#911 show#wee woo show#eddie diaz#oliver stark#hen wilson#aisha hinds#bobby nash#peter krause#chimney han#kenneth choi#ryan guzman#athena grant#angela bassett#please be nice#i’ve never posted my stuff here before#ahh this is scary
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Semi real slug rodent esque beasts
#rain world#slugcat#lantern mouse#rain world downpour#rw downpour#I’ve never posted my stuff here before#I have no idea what I’m doing#the name elastic lantern mouse is by someone but I don’t know who#leefsart
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why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?
This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.
Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.
New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.
Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.
But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.
You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.
My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.
Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.
#I’m mostly silly or character headcanon focused on this blog#but sometimes I forget some people literally have never interacted with someone slightly outside of their ideologies or don’t learn about#philosophies that don’t pertain to their view point and actively block them out#and so I have like a meltdown and occasionally post about it cause like I see more people hate Danse for regurgitating BoS teachings than#hate Joshua Graham who helped found the legion participated in their practices and still has this weird bloodlust#like make it make sense why do you like this white man genuinly like outside of his aesthetic#I can say silly shit about them hit it’s always I think it’s surreal they even exist while others genuinely wish they did so they could fix#them and some of all don’t realize how quickly jokes lead people down rabbit holes and pipe lines cause ur not gonna see posts even pitying#that man in here#like when I defend Danse it is through the signs and events in game that show he is not stuck in his ways and possibly only adopted those#beliefs because of his tramatic events with super mutants and the bos being very anti anything not human#their are affinity reaction that concern this while Joshua like moans yes when killing the white legs and is always polishing his gun goon#pile like I’ve learned too much about him the Mormon faith and that dlc to be told I’m playing favorites he is not fixable or repentent#this fandom has one of the worst issues of he’s my fave so he can’t do wrong when some of this characters are literal unapologetic rapist#racists or individuals who condone or perpetuate like ideas and concepts like obviously I’m gonna not like them????!#like I still think it’s interest to dissect them and I try so hard to not be a hypocrite but sometimes it’s like the whole this is just a#fun thing for you but like be aware of what you are taking in and reflect like is so important fiction can slowly seep into your morals#I’m rambling and losing track of shit so imma stop here before I reach the tag limit but again dm and ask cause this is the stuff I will#blab about#horrible at normal conversation tho#fallout#fallout new vegas#joshua graham#honest hearts#ask#anon#fallout 3
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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errm uhh augh how have you guys been long time no see. annotated young morro design be upon ye
without the bg cause you can see the sequins better with the bg but you can also see the words better without the bg
#after prophecy to leaving he would either obsess over being clean even in the middle of training#cause it’s ‘unfitting for the green ninja to look anything other than perfect’ or whatever#and being dirty shows he wasn’t good enough cause someone got a hit on him or something#or he would just either forget or not care about basic needs like showering and sleeping cause he’s too obsessed with the prophecy#cant really decide#after leaving/ghost morro will be out. maybe soon#morro tag is DEAD by the way is anyone still here#i’m one to talk i havent posted anything either#it’s cause i’m back in my 2020 purpled bedwars era#he was my fav long before las nevadas 🤞🤞#and las nevadas purpled is INTERESTING genuinely#i was never one for lore streams but now that i learned how to have patience and how to kill cringe i’ve been watching his#i dont actually really know what the deal is with las nevadas i’m just watching purpleds bits#i’m halfway through but i know what happened but also don’t tell me anything#if anyone here even knows what i’m talking about#i can’t really call myself a dsmp kid cause i started watching before all the stuff started i think even before wilbur joined#and didn’t really watch the lmanberg streams just sorta generally knew what was happening#then completely dropped watching it when they started politics#i watched the content creators INDIVIDUALLY but not the dsmp lore itself#there’s too much it’s too much of a hassle#if anyone calls me cringe you literally cannot talk this is a season 5 lego ninjago character#and also it was covid it’s like a rite of passage to be into mcyt during covid#i know there’s a pipeline from mcyt to kids shows. i know there’s one out there#there’s definitely one from mcyt to musicals what with hamilton and all#ninjago#lego ninjago#morro ninjago#ninjago morro#morro wu#jellos scribbles
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What if the way I finally post my self-insert shipping art here is by posting a shitpost. Would you guys still like me then
#🛠️.txt#pensive emoji#I’ve vaguely alluded to selfshipping before but I’ve never posted any of my stuff to this blog out of embarrassment#oc x canon is pretty popular here in the fandom so really what am I so worried about
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Your incel piece was really well put together I am here to ask you to write on the gender part/whatever you were going to put that you think is worth for a part two. The whole no bitches and simp stuff has always really irked me it's nice to see people spotting that we haven't really changed we're just pushing different words around
They’re not even different words as well, it’s just the same words with a pretense of irony OTL. Oh to be young again and not obsessively concerned with big-picture cause and effect, theory brain has ruined me.
The thing is I had to stop before I went into gender because if I went there I would never come out, it’s a massive topic and it’s really hard to do it justice in a short form. A simplified version of what I might pick on is the way that the trivial non-human ‘love interest’ nickname tends to be feminine, even if the joke has become gender neutral, and on a certain level we all know why that is, or at least that it “seems to feel right.” Getting bitches tends to be a masc-coded activity and there’s a lot of dignity in the proactive implications of being able to attract someone by doing coolness as we’ve already touched on.
On one hand it’s callous and objectifying, on the other it reduces vulnerability and signals social status, it’s like a thread of Toxic Masculinity run wild in the weirdest little nerd communities it could latch onto. People of every gender latch onto it because they… want to be people, they can intuitively tell that “getting bitches” is the more dignified thing to do (rather than being a bitch waiting to be got) so they take the concept for themselves, as well as the ideals attached to it. It’s a bit sad to watch.
#I’m glad that my more abstract Culture Crit thing was enjoyable thank you anon#Talking about this is knocking a lot of stuff loose that I’ve thought about before#I’ll never be the video essayist that lives in my head so I might as well post my thoughts here if people like them#mageessay
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Well I wasn’t expecting to see my own school on my dash today but fuckin uhh yeah I can confirm we are all extremely scared and extremely angry at what they’re doing to us right now.
Like dude. Our student body is TINY. 700 of us give or take in total. We all thought we were too small for some jackass like him to care about apparently it made us a target instead. We’re small, we don’t have a lot of funds, no one’s heard of us until now, we’re called a “liberal” arts college which for some people who don’t know what that means is already enough. For a bully with an agenda like DeSantis, we were the prime candidate for this stupid political experiment of his.
The shit he’s saying about us makes my fucking blood boil. You know what they’re accusing us of? Indoctrination of children to the woke agenda. Paraphrasing here, but only barely. I keep hearing about how is board is looking to wipe out our entire faculty and staff and replace the whole system here with their own picks. All of our teachers here are already criminally underfunded as is and a lot of them are working multiple jobs outside of teaching, do you have any idea what this will do to them?
Actually, since I have the picture on hand, here’s some of what the board has says their aim is with what they want to do to our school:
It’s cartoonishly evil. We’re already one of the Top 5 Liberal Arts Colleges in the NATION. Our academics are some of the best out there. And you want to take that away from us?
I don’t even know man. I’m scared. NCF’s grading and evaluation system is unlike any other in the state and it’s done wonders for my mental health, I don’t know if I can stand having to go back to the letter grade system because the stress it put me under nearly burnt me to the ground. On top of that, it’s one of like two schools in the state that have both of my majors and if this new board of trustees have their way, they’re likely to both get wiped off of the face of the Earth. My parents are already telling me to start looking for ways to transfer out and I’m fucking heartbroken about it.
Some other students here have a website set up for trying to get support and a gofundme for getting a legal team to fight the new board. Here’s the link which you can use to find the fundraiser if anyone’s interested.
I’m not involved with any of the organizing but if it’s to be trusted, then any help would be greatly appreciated. Even if you don’t have the time to donate, just spread this post around, with or without my addition. People need to know what’s happening here.
Please. If they get away with this- and they very well might -it sets a dangerous precedent for what can be done to other public institutions that dare to exist outside of what the dominant political power deems to be “correct.”
If it can happen to us, it can happen to you.
this is happening at my college right now. i’m in my third year here and everyone i know is like. haha, im in danger.
what they’re doing seems almost illegal, like.. considering desantis brought in the majority of the trustees in one sweep, we didnt even have a chance to dissent their new supermajority firing president okker with no cause. or if it isn’t, it should be illegal, there’s literally no checks and balances happening here. no democracy involved. genuine fascism at work, it’s actually absurd. extremely fucking filthy and despicable political ploy.
they don’t care about education or the students at all. they don’t care. we’re chess pieces to them. this is who they replaced our president with
#current events#new college of florida#ron desantis#is a bitch ass motherfucker who can lick my the sole of my boot#news#activism#college life#idk man I don’t know how tags work I’ve never made a post like this before#signal boost#politics#I always swore to myself I’d never expose anything about my personal life on the internet but. well. desperate times#I REALLY don’t want to have to transfer schools here. they’re trying to intimidate us away and it’s working#a huge amount of our student body is queer and mentally disabled- including myself#up until now NCF has been the most welcoming place I could have hoped for when it comes to that stuff#not perfect maybe- especially in the physical disability section -but considering our limited resources it was still pretty fucking good#but this new board. they’ve made very clear that they think our very existence is a disgrace. and that we will not be welcome here anymore.#I just. *screams*#us politics#Florida#florida legislature
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Me cranking out tiny votive offerings for my prayers to the gods for a trump loss this week
It’s air dry clay, they are inspired by prehistoric art
#emma posts#I’ve only really made prehistoric horse art inspired figures with this stuff before#and never any this tiny#but I’m making many and I’m making them fast so they’re going to be tiny#it’s very cute too#since its real clay I’m going to be leaving these on my outdoor altar next time I visit my parents#but for now they are here#or maybe I’ll do a secret third thing#regardless I hope they like the tiny animals#pagan/witch#the rhino came from a fucked up cow that I started to think looked like something else#maybe I should make a donkey too. fuck#so far I’ve got: a goose. bovine. rhinoceros. horse. and it was supposed to also be a horse but I kinda feel like it doesn’t look as much#like a horse as I meant it to. maybe I’ll make it a sheep#I’m going to be honest. the goose was the easiest to make
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I beg have we been playing the same game orrrr
#like Childe he’s obviously a sweetheart but ig I can understand ??? like he’s so rambunctious and loud and whatnot and yk#ig I can see how you can mischaracterise him as that but kaveh ????#the only reasons I can think of is cause he’s an alcoholic which perhaps in some ppls minds that makes him a fuck boy cause you kinda loose#sense when you’re drunk (?) <- the classic stereotype#but I genuinely do not understand like is it the outfit 😭 cause I swear everyone has something to say about his outfit it’s always the#reason for everyone’s complaints 😭😭😭#because the way I look at it is kaveh and I are so similar it’s crazy even his whole argument with alhaitham I’ve had numerous situations#like that but with my parents and istg it’s infuriating to me when they say stuff like alhaitham does#ANYWYAS THATS just a snippet but istg 99% of his character is like a Noor dupe crazy#WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE POINT LIKE IM THINKING OF IT AS THIS you calling him a fuckboy#is like calling me the female equivalent of that and I’m like THATS SO FUNNY ???&;83&3 😭#how does one arrive at such a conclusion he’s just sad and never wants to hurt a fly bro how would he be a fuckboy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 the concept of#him using someone like that is just so ooc and not in the mischaracterisation way in the sense like you just took him and#made him your oc with a completely different personality like heck#although I love alhaitham I can see why ppl would make him out to be a f boy but kaveh is like hell naur 😭#the only situation I’d assume kaveh can be characterised as that is if he gets hammered especially hard with alcohol to the point he just#blacks out or something memory wise and does random stuff#every time I stray from his canon characterisation I see a voice line of his and#I’m like awwwe ☹️ why is he actually precious LMAO he’s so cute and wholesome like how he gets excited over the lightning bolt shape#ORRR when he opens a treasure chest or his joining the party line ABDUSIWKAKSSIN he’s such a cutie#his ‘waaah what are you doing here’ <- line in the event AAAH WHAT AN IDIOT / affectionate WHAT ALMOST 30 YR OLD MAN SAYS WAAAH#I LOVE HIM 😭#dora daily#the way this turned out to be a kaveh lover post by the end I’m actually so sorry#and before we get weird about me liking kaveh sm and saying he’s just like me and a me dupe I wanna preface this by saying#maybe postface cause this is after the fact#ANYWAYS I mean he’s just like the better me he’s Noor pro max frfr
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Y’all I always have a hard time remembering when I first checked into the Hotel California, but doing a search on my blog, I think I found my first post (or definitely one of my first) , and it was on January 8, 2011. I have been on the hellsite for over THIRTEEN (13) YEARS.
#i was here when you could still edit other ppl’s posts#i was here before dashcon#do not cite the deep magic to me witch#tbh tho i didn’t use it with any real consistency for a long time and i didn’t have much interaction with mutuals for even longer#it’s still a head trip tho#you can check out any time you’d like but you can never leave#eta: i just looked up when the graveyard bone witch controversy happened and it was 2015#i remember it vaguely but i did NOT remember that the woman was from my city and the bones were from a pauper’s cemetery i’ve been to#wild stuff
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Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.
So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.
Lurkers really are great, tho
I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.
Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.
The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.
Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.
There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.
I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available.
I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.
I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.
So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.
But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.
I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.
Should we gatekeep fandom?
I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--
A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.
That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.
See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.
So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.
The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.
And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”
Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.
Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.
And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.
However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community.
I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.
And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company?
And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)
But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.
Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.
Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.
Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists.
While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:
[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom
OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]
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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.
I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.
It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits.
So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.
And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.
So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.
Think of it like a garden gate
When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.
The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people.
Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it.
Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.
My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.
But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.
I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.
Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.
And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.
Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.
There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.
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What happened to your Society6 store? It seems like there's a lot less designs available than there used to be. I was hoping to get some tapestries but everything is gone...
Wow! This ask made me go check out my Society6 shop — and you’re right, it’s pretty much all gone! So, here’s the story on that for anyone who hasn’t heard:
Society6 decided that their outsized profit from artists wasn’t cutting it — they now require artists to pay a monthly subscription for the privilege of letting Society6 profit off of them, while foisting additional shipping fees onto the artist and reducing their payments on top of that. I had heard some months back that they were planning to switch to a subscription model, and it looks like since I didn’t pay up, they permanently deleted everything except 10 random pieces of art from my shop. They did this without notifying me at all (classy!) after years of making tens of thousands of dollars off of my work — but weirdly, this is kind of a relief for me?
My cut of Society6 sales were already a laugh even before the proposed changes (I make more money from someone dropping like $20 at my personal print shop than I do from someone buying $100+ of my stuff from Society6) but the tapestries and blankets were so cool and I loved how much people enjoyed them, so I kept my art available there. They've deleted nearly all of my work now, so I'll go finish the job and close out my account for good.
Anyway, it’s disappointing, but Society6 has chosen to suck profoundly at this point in time. Totally scummy treatment of the artists whose work is the foundation of their entire business model. I’m lucky enough to have a supportive audience and never relied on Society6, but I feel badly for artists whose livelihoods have been impacted by this. (If you’re one of those artists, know this: you deserve better compensation for your hard work than what S6 is giving you!)
OK, with all that said — I’m bringin’ tapestries back, baby! They can’t keep this cowboy off the range! Right now I’ve ordered samples from some different places to compare quality, and once I’ve settled on a manufacturer I‘ll be making them available at my print shop. I’ll post on my socials when I’ve sorted it out!
#jentalk#society6#i mean it's now owned by a former Ticketmaster exec#shocker! hahaha#at least he's consistent about working in the 'extorting artists and their fans' field
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Thanks for tagging me boo!
1. I absolutely love fishing and one time I accidentally managed to catch a sting ray, which was pretty cool
2. I love love love home decorating bc I love making stuff pretty and nice, but also bc I feel like the way you decorate says a lot about you as person and I think it’s fun form of self expression
3. I’m an excellent cook and I love doing it, and I can make almost anything from scratch and can do any meat. But somehow I suck at baking, and can basically only do box brownies or stuff like cheesecake where it’s not really much baking involved
Tagging anyone who wants to add, pls feel free if you come across this
if you get this, answer w/ three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs. anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog !
I was born with an extra set of ribs :D
Green is my favourite colour
And
I have a very unhealthy obsession with dragons (which somehow didn’t bleed into this blog )
@very-evil-bubbles @smelgor @the-ghost-of-a-spirit @thejokig23 @chasmwilt @inwayovermyhead and @ anyone else who wants to join in! (You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to!)
#I tried to think of stuff that was interesting or I’ve never mentioned on here before#but I’m pretty boring so it was hard 😭#I woulda actually tagged ppl but all my recents are ppl who i know don’t follow me and are just liking posts that had reach
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tbh even if hormones won’t change something you’re dysphoric about (eg voice, height, chest size) it’s still worth considering going on them bc it Will change other things
#happy pride have a take i’ve been meaning to post#bc while i see less of it only being here#i used to see a lot of doomer takes like ‘yeah i wanna go on hormones but it won’t change [x major source of dysphoria so why bother at all]#and like#no; it won’t change that#but unless that’s the Sole Thing making you dysphoric (which it might be! i don’t know your life) then it’s still worth at least trying#dysphoria isn’t an all or nothing type of thing! addressing a source of it can make it easier to deal with the sources less easily addressed#full disclosure; it may make you feel worse than you currently do about what it can’t address#and that can still net positive bc you don’t feel bad about stuff that makes you feel bad now#starting hormones isn’t a commitment to a ‘full transition’#hrt has let me feel in control of my life in a way i never did before#and i had that feeling long before i saw myself looking any different
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