#I’ve never actually dated before but if I was going out with someone eight years older than me I’d never let them live it down

[zootopiathingz]

Judy taking every opportunity to tease Nick about their age difference, and he acts like it doesn’t faze him but she knows damn well how annoyed he actually is every time it comes up

It would be something like her going, “hey isn’t INTERESTING how you were graduating high school when I was nine years old like isn’t that just SO FUNNY??” and him just glaring at her like “pls shut up”

[indigovigilance]

Maggie is Possessed

This is my second meta! My first one is here.

I’m not the first fan to be suspicious of Maggie but I’m going to argue why she might be possessed (and I hypothesize that specifically she is possessed by an angel), rather than being eldritch herself, and will propose some reasons why the hitchhiker might be doing this.

First, a quick list of her early observable behaviors:

She cannot spell urgency

She signs “very faithfully yours”

She refuses to drink alcohol

Golden angel-wing earrings, anyone?

Have you seen those clothes?

All of those things are angelic, but why possession, specifically? Evidence is presented in order of chronology and not necessarily how strong it is, below the cut:

First: The timeline is weird. She’s eight months behind on rent, and suddenly decides she needs to speak to Mr. Fell “on a matter of some ugrency” and insists she can be out by next week. It’s inconsistent behavior that could indicate that a new decision-maker has taken over. First-point-five, she calls Aziraphale an angel: does she know?

Second: re-watch the first coffee shop scene, S2E1 at 13:20. Yes yes, it reads like a cute lesbian flirtation scene. That’s the cowrie shell. Pick it up. There’s a caraway seed underneath. When she arrives at the coffee shop for the first time, Maggie’s confused “ah, yes, coffee” might not be the flustered redirect you thought it was, but rather indicating that whoever is riding around in that body doesn’t actually know how a coffee shop works. But Nina (to Hitchhiker!Maggie’s relief) remembers her order. So Human!Maggie has been here before, in fact, Nina calls her a regular, to which Hitchhiker!Maggie says “oh right, yes, I’m that.” Not sus at all, sister.

Third: During the “herbal tea” exchange, Maggie says to Nina that “I didn’t go to parties” and she was “not that sort of teenager.” On it’s face it reads like she was a goody-two-shoes human teenager, but consider for a moment that whoever is speaking right now was never human; the statement isn’t a lie, but its very misleading. Who else do we know that does that?

Fourth: During the lock-in, Maggie tells the story of how her great grandmother’s store was in a corner of Mr. Fell’s bookshop, so he lets them stay on for old time’s sake. One possible interpretation of this phrasing is that Hitchhiker!Maggie knows that Aziraphale has owned that shop continuously for at least 100 years. Nina is the one that suggests that it was actually Aziraphale’s grandfather, and Maggie nods along.

Fifth: Maggie says it’s a “coincidence” that the power goes in and out when Crowley passes by; could read as a deliberate redirect from someone who actually knows that Crowley is a demon? But more on that later.

Sixth: I’m skipping a lot of intervening content BUT at the ball, during the dance, she says “this is just what we do, isn’t it?” to which Nina emphatically replies that no, it isn’t. So even though Nina has been effected by an emotion-suppressing aura, she hasn’t lost her memory of how society generally works in 2023, but somehow Maggie isn’t up to date. This is parallel to Point #2, not knowing how to order coffee.

Seventh: Aziraphale’s attempted miracle memory wipe doesn’t work on her. I’ve seen others suggest that it’s due to a miracle blocker but all of his other miracles work, so…

Eighth: Nina calls her “angel.” You thought it was cute. It’s not. It’s a double-bluff. She’s actually an angel.

Ninth: She tells Crowley that “we’re real people.” Okay, human police officer Inspector Constable, whatever you say.

The rest of this is wild speculation. Abandon hope all ye who read below the fold.

So of course this raises the question: why are is the hitchhiker here, and what was Human!Maggie’s motivation to give them permission to hitchhike?

I’ll start with Human!Maggie’s motivation. I believe that she is not just pretendy-good but a properly good person who feels a lot of anguish about her failing business, one that’s been in the family for 100 years, and guilt for not paying her rent. I think she prayed for help, and a “guardian angel” answered her prayers, and she gave that angel permission to possess her and fix the problem.

As for why the angel answered her prayers, I propose that the Metatron sent them to fuck around with Aziraphale. My evidence is that Maggie frequently meddles to Aziraphale’s detriment. In chronological order:

She puts him in a moral choice position: if he evicts her, he’s the bad guy. If he forgives her rent, he’s done something good. Both of these can be leveraged by the Metatron. Notably, after he forgives the rent, Maggie calls him an angel, perhaps to remind him whose side he’s really on *wink wink nudge nudge.*

She confides in her landlord about her crush on the business owner across the street, who’s already in a relationship?! How ridiculously inappropriate?? Maggie??!! But she does, and plants the idea in his head about love, which ultimately becomes the runaway train that makes him extremely vulnerable later.

She refuses to leave the shop during the attack (S2E5), I propose is for purposes of fucking over Aziraphale, as evidenced by…

For this part, I need you to go back and watch it. S2E6 at 3:28. During the pissing contest at the threshold, Maggie turns her head away, there is a sound effect, and that’s when she turns back to Shax and invites the demons in. Hitchhiker!Maggie has taken over and rolled out the carpet for the enemy invasion.

Maggie is the instigator of the “you have to talk about your feelings” conversation, dragging Nina from behind the counter across the street while she has a shop full of customers. Considering that the Metatron is at that very moment at the French restaurant next door, making a job offer to Aziraphale, the timing choice seems very suspect. Almost as if they coordinated to talk to each husband while they were separated.

So, it is possible that Hitchhiker!Maggie was sent by the Metatron as a spy and a saboteur to meddle with Aziraphale. To what end, specifically? Probably to get him to break up with Crowley and/or get him to return to Heaven, but ultimately, I just don’t know. I will admit that I don’t have a very strong conviction that this will become canon, but it was fun to write and I hope that it was fun to read! Leave a note if you enjoyed it!

edit: a link to another meta about why this was such an effective strategy against the husbands

[its-time-to-write]

hi, i love your writing! could i request something where jamie and reader are dating and jamie starts introducing them to the important people in his life, like roy, keeley, the richmond boys, etc. and each time they get introduced to someone new, whenever jamie steps away, they basically get some variation of the 'you better not hurt him' talk, and when jamie finds out he's worried that reader is gunna be offended or upset but they reassure him that it's fine, they think it's cute that everyone's so protective of him and that it's nice to see him have so many people care about him

Sorry this took FOREVER. Here it is!

the way it goes

It has been exactly twenty-one days since Jamie asked you out on a proper date, and you’re of the opinion that life can’t get much better than this. You’ve only met two of his teammates so far, (Isaac because he’s one of Jamie’s good friends and Richard because you ran into him while shopping) and honestly, they aren’t what you expected at all. 

They’re kind and they seem to genuinely like working together.

(It’s a little funny to call football “work.”)

Isaac tells Jamie to bring you next time they all hang out, and reminds him to buy more juice packs than last time so they don’t run out again.

—

Turns out the next “hang out,” is a night at Isaac’s, and the whole team is there with various partners and spouses. There’s a strict sweatpants-only drsesscode, and pretty much everyone is in clearly expensive matching sets. You’re grateful that Jamie shrunk a brand-new deep green set the other week, because you didn’t have time to go out and buy something new/not ratty.

There are tables of board games, a pile of snacks, and even a bar. Jamie drags you over so he can get “proper buzzed,” and requests something incredibly complicated from Beard, who appears to be the only coach present.

“Babe,” Jamie says, “you good here? I’m gonna get some food.”

You nod and watch him weave through groups of people. You lean against the bar and wait for Jamie’s drink.

“So,” says Beard, “you’re Jamie’s girlfriend.

You nod. “Yeah, I am. I’ve known him for ages, though. Since I was in uni. Always thought he was just some prick footballer trying to score, if you know what I mean.”

Beard chuckles. “I get it. He’s a bit of an asshole sometimes.”

You grin. “He’s my asshole.”

Beard slides you Jamie’s drink but before he completely lets it go, he says, “Hey.”

His voice has lost its jocularity, so you look up to meet his (very intense, slightly terrifying) eyes.

“Jamie doesn’t need his heart broken. He may have been a giant prick, but he’s different now. He’s not the kind of guy you can just screw and move on from.”

Your mouth has gone a little dry, so you just nod. Right then. You turn to go find Jamie and hope he won’t mind if you take a sip of his drink. You’re planning on staying sober tonight, so that one sip is going to have to get you through till the end.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s told you to be careful with Jamie. The first time was actually Roy’s niece, Phoebe. Jamie was babysitting and he asked you to come along, so while he was paying for ice creams Phoebe tugged your arm so you’d get down to her level and said, “If you make him cry, they’ll never find you again.”

You had looked at her in shock while she matter-of-factly stated, “My Uncle Roy’s been teaching me things.”

She said the word things far too ominously for an eight year old, but then Jamie came back and she was all smiles again. 

You got a similar, equally threatening talk from Phoebe’s mum, and then from Roy, and then Roy’s girlfriend Keeley.

Variations of the “break him and I’ll break you” talk had begun to trickle in whenever you’d pick up Jamie from Nelson Road. The tone ranged from Sam’s vaguely threatening, “We all love Jamie very much. We’re incredibly protective of him,” to Jan Maas’s blunt, “If you break his heart, you will never find another date on this entire continent.

Even Ted had a comment, which was more along the lines of, Jamie’s a big softie, he doesn’t need some to play him right now, he needs a real supporter. Each time, you assured them that you weren’t going to hurt him. You didn’t ask why they thought you would be the one doing the hurting when he was the one with the reputation.

Because you are fully aware of his reputation. You hadn’t seen Lust Conquers All, but you’d seen enough clips to piece together exactly how it went. And you’d seen the details of his cheating scandals all over the papers. And dealt with him firsthand while in uni. So yeah, Jamie’s past prick-ish behavior is not a mystery to you.

You find it endearing that so many people love him enough to protect him. It’s a good sign, you think.

You find Jamie carefully stacking various snacks on a tiny, tiny plate. His face lights up when you come into view.

“Oh good,” he says. “Extra hands.” He grabs his drink with one hand and gives you the plate with the other. He starts piling on something flaky and slightly green. 

“Isaac’s girlfriend makes these fucking pistachio things, and they always go way too fast. Gotta eat them while you can,” he says while creating an engineering marvel.

“Glad you like ‘em, bruv,” comes Isaac’s voice from behind you. You jump a little, and the plate wobbles. 

You turn to see Isaac with an absolutely gorgeous woman on his arm.

“I’m Stella,” she says. “It’s wonderful to meet you. We’ll have to have you two over for a real dinner.”

Jamie and Isaac quickly become engrossed in a serious discussion about football tactics, with Jamie downing his drink and then taking the plate of food from you. He was right, those pistachio things are amazing.

You chat with Stella for a little bit and learn she’s the face of a modeling agency and met Isaac during some football/branding thing.

“He was the only one during the entire shoot who made sure I was drinking enough water,” she laughs. “Who knew the way to my heart was through proper hydration?”

You talk a little longer before Jamie’s arm is snaking around your waist to whisk you off to see Dani. It goes like that for a little while until you finally settle down at one of the game tables. It’s a card game involving a lot of yelling and pointing fingers.

The house is noisy and cozy, filled to the brim with people who are just comfortable around each other, and you think you’ve never experienced something like this in your whole life.

Jamie on the other hand, is yawning a little bit. His hand, which had been on your knee tracing squiggly patterns, is starting to slow down so you put yours on top of his and whisper, “You about ready to go?”

Jamie nods and presses a kiss to the side of your head.

“Got fucking extra training tomorrow,” he quietly laments.

You get up to leave and Jamie follows suit with a very loud pronouncement that he’d rather be somewhere private, much to the amusement of the Greyhounds who begin to hoot and whistle. You roll your eyes and smack his butt on the way out.

Forty-five minutes later, Isaac’s phone dings with a photo of Jamie in a pink robe and green face mask, hair pulled back in an equally pink and fluffy headband. He’s lying on your bed and he can see the tv screen playing Notting Hill. You’ve typed, Someplace private, my ass, and Isaac just shakes his head and grins. Fucking Jamie. Prick on the outside, softie on the inside.

You better not break his heart, he writes.

HAH comes your reply a moment later. Not a chance.

“Babe, look,” you say handing Jamie your phone. “I’ve collected the whole set.”

Jamie reads your text thread then looks up at you in confusion. “What d’you mean?”

“Isaac is the only one who hasn’t like, threatened me or something if I hurt you,” you reply.

The tips of Jamie’s ears turn red. “What do you mean, the only one?” he asks. “Like, the team?”

You shake your head. “Oh no. I mean, yes, the whole team, but like pretty much everyone who works at Nelson Road.” 

Jamie’s eyes widen as you begin to list people on your fingers. “Alright, so obviously the Greyhounds, plus all the coaches, Keeley, Rebecca, Higgins, Trent, Samantha at the front desk, Gary, Phoebe and her mum, Will-” you pause. “Should I keep going?”

Jamie groans. “Fucking hell. I’m sorry. They’re all twats, except Phoebe. I swear, they’re not always like that. I’ll talk to them and make ‘em leave you alone.”

“No! You can’t let them know that you know! And…” you hesitate, “I thought it was kind of sweet. Like a green flag, you know? They all like you enough to make sure that you’ll be ok, and they want me to know I have something special. Of course, I already knew that,” you continue, “but it’s nice confirmation.” 

Oh. That’s new.

Jamie’s quiet for way too long so you look over at him. “Babe, are you crying?”

“No,” he says, choked up. “Face mask got in my fuckin’ eye.”

“It’s dried solid, babe.”

“Fine,” he says, “I might be a little. But you can’t tell anyone, especially not Ted, because then he’ll talk to me about feelings and shit, and I’d rather eat ten fucking scones than that.”

You laugh and snuggle into his side. There aren’t going to be any heartbreaks here, not if you can help it. You’re both planning on keeping the other around for the rest of your lives.

[nicomoon69]

I’ve made up so much Bernard lore in my head so I’m just going to dump it here

so post Louis Grieve in my head Bernard transferred to an all boys boarding school his junior year (someone suggested Brentwood so I’m gonna go w that). his parents sent him there as a bit of a last ditch effort to straighten him out, get up his grades and push him out of his silly habits. this also included them making him buzz off his hair since they deemed his old hair unprofessional.

all of it was a huge blow to Bernard’s already fragile mental health and self esteem so at Brentwood he was kind of a mess. he wasn’t exactly a bad student but the people around him considered him even more of an outsider than he was before at Louis Grieve.

eventually Bernard did find himself with a small group of friends (might further develop them as ocs??) who were much like him outsiders. one of said friends also being the first time he fooled around with a guy, which led to several more though none of it was ever serious.

there was lots of denial at first but by the time his time at Brentwood ended Bernard had accepted himself as queer.

he applied for a few colleges, some outside of Gotham but he ended up settling for GU bc part of his couldnt handle leaving his city behind. he chose a double major because he thought that would make his parents most proud and bc biology and physics were the only subjects he enjoyed.

despite everything seemingly going well for Bernard he felt an emptiness that nothing could fix, that is until he found the Children of Dionysus. despite knowing the risks of joining a cult he did. he was in the cult for roughly eight months before he got kidnapped to get sacrificed.

that was a rough version of what happened in my head. I have some more details that I couldn’t fit smoothly into that word vomit so here’s some more

Bernard came out to his parents his first semester, which they took pretty badly and led him to getting kicked out and having to couch surf for a bit before landing on the apartment he was living in during TD:R.

to keep himself afloat with no support from his parents Bernard worked two jobs, one at a diner around the corner of his apartment and the other at a coffee shop closer to GU.

at Brentwood Bernard did a lot of experimental stuff with his appearance ranging from spiking his hair after it had grown out a bit to getting his ears pierced multiple times. a tongue piercing came along somewhere in his time at the cult and Bernard genuinely doesn’t remember getting it.

during junior and senior year Bernard joined the basketball team. he was surprisingly good considering he had never showed any interest in the sport and wasn’t particularly athletic before then. basketball somehow also led him to training himself in martial arts.

since I do hc the Children of Dionysus to have some more Dionysian practices I think Bernard developed both a distaste for wine and eating raw meat (omophagia).

Bernard has been refusing to get drastic hair cuts after the buzz cut and is unlikely to get one any time soon. he’s been taking kitchen scissors to his hair and freestyling it if he feels it needs more shape.

though he’s been out for a while Bernard hasn’t actually dated anyone long term before Tim. most people he’s been with were flings or were blocked after a few dates.

the way Bernard got into contact with the cult is through one of his high school classmates, who he’d seen talk about the ways that joining it had improved their life and how they were much more enlightened. he due to his circumstances was an easy victim after his initial skepticism

there’s just a lot of permanent scarring due to the cult, but Bernard doesn’t bother covering them up with make up or clothes. at least not post getting rescued.

Bernard actually goes to therapy after the cult and was also diagnosed with autism (let me project a teeny bit). it helped him make more sense of his life and gave him more direction.

his cooking passion came from his early childhood, being dimmed out in middle school and only returning after high school. he mostly enjoys writing his own recipes and experimenting with taste. there was ofc the added challenge of budget, but it was one of the few things that made him happy.

his conspiracy theorist side mostly calmed down until he was thrust back into it when he started dating Tim. this was due to odd behavior from Tim and until Bernard found out he was RR (which really didn’t take that long) he was balls deep on conspiracy blogs and threads. he didn’t really quite after putting the RR pieces together though, bc he enjoyed being able to subtly help Tim with his cases.

due to the two jobs and double major previously mentioned Bernard has a terrible sleeping schedule. he regularly stays up past three only to have a morning shift that starts at seven.

gonna quite rambling for now lol, might edit this post to add more in the morning but I’m sick of typing. sorry if it’s a lot, I just think abt him a lot……. yea..

[undead-supernova]

HIGH TOLERANCE

Only 10mg / Masterlist

Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

warnings: so much angst, a night gone wrong, more (derogatory) Steve, Gertrude (extra derogatory), Delta-9 gummies

pairings: modern!bestfriend!Eddie x bisexual!fem!reader

plot: dates aren't always what you want them to be...let alone with people who you don't really want to be on dates with

wc: 4k

song inspirations: VOID by Melanie Martinez, We Are Nobody Else by Lady Lamb

“What do you mean you haven’t seen any movies this year?”

“I mean, I’ve seen movies. I just haven’t found anything I thought was interesting in the last eight months.”

“What do you watch then?”

This morning you actually found someone on Hinge named Gertrude and by the afternoon you were on a lunch date. And you’d thought they were cute when you met up at Grub Burger, like really cute, with thin-rimmed rectangular glasses and a long dark braid down their back. They had a soft voice and an even softer smile…but it was quickly starting to go downhill.

Every question they threw at you felt like an investigation where you were wrong every single time, as if your preferences weren’t good enough. Even the lack of movies you’d seen.

In your defense, you usually went to the movie theater if Eddie asked. He was really good at guessing when a movie’s going to be worthwhile (and you weren’t). He never once disappointed. He’d also never taken you to a movie without at least giving you something of the cannabis persuasion and buying a large popcorn for you to share. 

Sometimes he even bought your ticket.

Which you always pretended were dates like the desperate woman you were.

“Yeah, I really like 2000s movies,” you replied, shrugging. “I’ll pop on a Seth Rogan film every once and a while. Like, I know they’re a little outdated or whatever, but they’re fun. Oh, especially if you smoke some weed. Then it’s super funny. Like, This Is The End? It’s just cool to see all these actors—"

“I mean, they’re, like, super problematic,” Gertrude interrupted.

You nodded. “No, I know,” you agreed, scratching at your neck. “I know. It’s not the best, but like, I recognize that. I don’t think it’s all funny. And it’s not just Seth Rogan, there are other genres like dramas and fantasy and horror. Have you heard of the movie The Invisible? It’s about this guy who dies and is a ghost and can’t talk to anyone and finds out he—”

“I just thought because you’re queer, you’d have better standards for the media you consume.”

Pausing, you felt yourself deflate. You shrugged again, wondering how this conversation was turning into something else entirely. “I mean, I think you could argue that every piece of media is problematic, depending on the way you look at it. If you acknowledge that the media you like is flawed, you’re still allowed to enjoy it. It’s not that hard.”

Gertrude gave you that judgmental look again, pushing their fork around their French fries. “Agree to disagree. Anyways, maybe you should ask me a question now.”

As if I had had any chance to ask anything since we sat down.

“Uh, okay. What’s your favorite color?”

Gertrude finally smiled for the first time since you’d greeted each other. They really were pretty. There was just something so grating about their attitude…

“I think I like a soft yellow, something bright and cheery.”

You nodded, trying to seem more interested than you were. Some part of you even felt like laughing. “Yeah, yellow’s a good color. Very vibrant. Makes you happy.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe black? Red?”

Steve sighed, scratching his bare thigh before going back to his cherry and goat cheese ice cream. Eddie merely stared down at his cream puff flavor, unsure as to why he thought this date would be a good idea. He’d suggested they go out to get ice cream (definitely not to distract himself from what was probably happening across town with someone who he definitely wasn’t thinking about). 

But Steve didn’t remotely hesitate, making Eddie think that maybe that was a sign. He was in it now. They were getting somewhere…

If only it hadn’t started going downhill just from asking basic questions that they somehow hadn’t thought of in the last however many years of knowing each other.

“Ah, come on, Eddie. You can’t say red!”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed, trying not to get irritated. “Why not?” he asked. “It’s a color. That was part of the assignment.”

“I just feel like it’s a little stereotypical for you.”

“Why, ‘cause I like metal?” Eddie guessed with a sigh sitting in the back of his throat. He was careful not to release it.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve replied. Like it was obvious. Like it was stupid. “Precisely.”

“Okay, then what’s yours, big guy?”

“Probably red or green,” you answered. “Not a soft green. More like a deep emerald?”

“Like Christmas?”

You shook your head. To give them credit, it was a common question you got whenever anyone cared enough to ask.

Well, except for one person...

“Well, no. I wouldn’t consider myself someone who likes Christmas all that much.”

“Let me guess, your favorite holiday is something weird, like St. Patrick’s Day.”

What the hell was this person even talking about? Were they hearing themselves talk?

You successfully suppressed your sigh before you decided to answer honestly. “Uh, my favorite holiday is Halloween.”

“Next you’re gonna tell me your favorite holiday is Halloween.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Uh, because it is.” What was Steve even talking about? Why was he suddenly being so fucking judgmental? “Let me guess, your favorite is Christmas,” he bit back.

Steve laughed, oblivious to Eddie’s venom. “Yeah, the lights are cool. The hot chocolate with the peppermint in it. Oh, and the snow. You can layer everything. I mean, it’s cute. Plus,” he stopped, clearly trying to make his next sentence sound less rude. “I just think Halloween is a little…meh.”

“Meh?”

Steve shrugged. “Yeah.”

“What beef do you have with Halloween?”

“It’s just a little overdone, don’t you think?”

You shook your head, appalled as to why they didn’t get how important the holiday was. 

“No, I think it’s about expressing yourself and becoming something more than what you are. It gives kids a moment of exploration of themselves and creativity. Not to mention its importance for queer people and how they can have one night where they can be themselves—"

“—without the scrutiny of the public. We could walk out in drag or anything feminine whatsoever and it’s not considered threatening, even if that’s shitty in and of itself. But it’s still that opportunity.” Eddie smiled to himself. “That chance. It’s bringing a sense of fucking safety that’s otherwise missing.”

Steve nodded before he shrugged, scraping at the bottom of his cup. “Yeah, you make a good point. I guess I haven’t really thought about it like that.”

Eddie forgot that he and Steve never really had conversations like these. It was usually you who he could talk to for hours on end, deconstructing what it meant to live and how everything was about perspective. Inebriated, sober—it didn’t matter. Like those days at the aquarium, you were able to see the bigger picture at the end of the day. You talked about stuff like this without even having to be asked.

That ticket still sat in his wallet. He always took it out whenever he needed a pick-me-up. It gave him a spark of hope that life could change for the better if someone like you existed.

Steve kept talking, but Eddie was pulling out his wallet and running his fingers over the ticket like it would bring you here and he could have you here instead. 

As you and Gertrude fell into silence, you put your hand in your skirt pocket, feeling the smoothness of Eddie’s yellow pick. Tracing the edges, you wondered what it felt like for him to run it down his strings. How it fit in his fingers. 

How he was doing.

Where he was.

If he was available.

You looked at Gertrude, watching them scroll through their TikTok feed, volume up, before you stood and grabbed your purse.

“I have to go.”

Eddie watched Steve reach the very bottom of his cup, hoping there was a way for him to slip in a reason to leave. Because, holy shit, this was a piss poor excuse for a date.

He looked back over at the long line forming at the door, knowing you would die to have a cup of the wildberry lavender flavor. You were a big fan of Jeni’s Ice Cream and always gave him grief whenever he went without you. It was kind of funny how your face would screw up as you yelled at him for being a traitor. He nearly chuckled at the memory. 

And it suddenly hit him that he was way more concerned with his thoughts of you.

How your date was going.

Where you were.

If you were available.

Fuck having a good enough reason to leave.

“Can we go?”

You basically sprinted to your car, barely registering how rude you had just been. You didn’t say goodbye, didn’t even give them an excuse. But you argued to, well, yourself that telling them some shitty excuse would be ruder than not saying anything at all. 

All you wanted was to talk to Eddie and tell him about how awful your date was. How mean Gertrude was and how confused you were about what the hell you’d done to deserve their scrutiny.

Sighing, you scrambled into the front seat and tossed your phone onto the passenger seat.  Pulling out Eddie’s guitar pick, you tried to calm yourself down. You studied the brand, the tiny tortoise outline with the shell replaced with the Tortex brand name. It read that it was a Dunlop, 50mm. Smooth. Thin. The kind Eddie always said he preferred, always said it hit the strings so magically. Said it rang out the bottom E string, like it was trying to reach the heavens and got there every time. 

And there was your eyeliner, ruining it.

You shook your head, resigning to the fact that you probably should just go home and isolate yourself for a while. Try and figure out how the hell you were supposed to be normal around Eddie and Steve the next time you saw them together.

Is that how it’s going to be now? you wondered, feeling nausea pool in your stomach. Are they going to be a package deal? Is that something I could survive?

For how long?

Before you could even start your car, your phone started going off. As soon as you saw Eddie’s picture pop up, you let out a sigh of relief.

“Hey,” he breathed, sounding as exhausted as you felt.

“Hey, hello,” you replied, trying to calm yourself down. “Hi. I was actually about to call you.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. I just had the worst date ever,” you grumbled, trying to rub the eyeliner off the pick.

“Me, too.”

You sat up straighter, shoving the pick back in your pocket. “Really?”

“God, yeah. I’m never going to Jeni’s without you again.”

“You went to Jeni’s without me?” With Steve, you felt like adding. 

But you were going to be good. Just this once.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Like I said, I’m never going without you ever again.” You let out an irritated huff. “Listen, Weirdo, would you mind if I came over and we took some edibles and, like, watched a movie?”

Thank God.    

“Yes, please.”

“See you in twenty?”

You smiled. “See you in twenty. Traitor.”

Eddie had gotten back to your apartment at the same time as you, both fighting for the closest parking spot with playful honks. You may have almost hit his van. And he could (maybe) admit that he almost deserved it.

“That’s rude,” he said as he hopped down from the van. “That’s just—”

He stopped as he finally got a look at you. Because it wasn’t even fair anymore, the way you just being you flustered him. Just standing next to your car with a simple Joan Jett t-shirt tucked into a short skirt and black Converse. Some sword earrings. And fishnets. Fucking fishnets.

Did he mention that you were wearing a different pair than the night before?

How many do you fucking own?

“That’s just what?” you asked, looking confused.

Eddie had to get a grip. He couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep losing his focus whenever you were around. Hell, he was already losing his focus when you weren’t. When you were looking like this, it made everything worse. Much, much worse. 

He shook his head before poking your shoulder. “Extremely rude.”

You rolled your eyes and swatted his hand away, starting the short walk up to your apartment. “Hey, you asked me to hang and then you tried to steal my favorite parking spot? Where are your manners?”

“I think we both know I lost those years ago.”

“Okay, weirdo,” you said.

“Uh, what did you just call me?” Eddie asked playfully, clasping his hand over his chest. 

A giggle escaped your lips as you ascended the stairs, making his smile widen.

“You heard me!” you exclaimed as you quickened your pace up the steps. “And I will not be taking it back!”

The two of you bickered like always, going back and forth with seemingly no end to each bit that you started and never truly seemed to finish. Sometimes it felt like he couldn’t help himself around you, always excited to hear what you had to say or what you wanted to do. Anything you wanted, because any opportunity to be around you was an opportunity worth taking.

You decided to heat up leftover soup for you both, maneuvering around the kitchen while you complained about the weather and your upstairs neighbor who was taking all the warm water these days despite the scorching heat.

Eddie wouldn’t admit it, but he was having a hard time paying attention to your words. How could he when your hands were waving around the air and putting your hair up? How in the hell was he supposed to pay attention when you decided to run chapstick over your lips? Or when you bent down to take your shoes off, skirt riding up just enough to reveal the lining of red underwear? And how was he supposed to feel normal when you were wearing the cutest fucking socks, with black cats sporting witch hats next to a brewing cauldron? 

“I’m gonna go pick out a movie,” Eddie said suddenly, backing away from the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah,” you said absentmindedly as you fiddled with the microwave. “That’s a really good idea. What’re you gonna put on?”

“No idea,” he lied. “Absolutely no idea.”

After you finished the chickpea and sausage soup, you and Eddie popped 10mg Delta-9 gummies and decided to chill on the couch. As soon as Eddie pressed play on your remote, you immediately knew it was the opening to When Harry Met Sally. Like always. 

But it wasn’t like you were paying attention. If anything, you were talking over it like you were in a crowded room. Small talk here and there until you were unable to keep your questions to yourself.

“So, you said your date with Steve didn’t go well,” you said. “Do you want to maybe talk about it?”

Eddie groaned, throwing his hands over his face. You may have taken the opportunity to stare at him, how his tattoos were visible. He’d shown up in his jean jacket but discarded it as if he was taunting you with only a black tank top and jeans. His guitar pick necklace around his neck. Rings. Threaded bracelets and watch. That fucking nail polish…

Focus, you told yourself. Just focus.

“I don’t know…” he trailed, biting his lip.

“I’ll share mine if you share yours,” you suggested.

A sigh left his lips before he gave in. “He thought it was predictable that I liked black and Halloween.”

“Has he even met you?” you asked, scoffing. “Of course you do. That’s, like, your whole thing. It’s not predictable, it’s just who you are.”

“I know! It was so weird. We’ve known each other since high school. I don’t know how he didn’t know that already. Rob knows more than him, apparently.”

“She’s extremely observant,” you noted.

Too observant.

“That’s a good...observation.” Now it was your turn to groan, making Eddie laugh before he added, “Now’s your turn, Weirdo.”

Well, I couldn’t stop thinking about you the entire time. So what does that say about me?

“I got absolutely slammed for my shitty 2000s comedies.”

“But Michael Cera is a visionary…” he trailed, confused.

“Well, apparently they’re all problematic and I’m damaging our community.”

Eddie shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Whatever. So is everything else. Besides, you don’t even laugh at the bad stuff. It’s like eating around a bad food you like. It’s not like the whole plate is bad, right? Most of it’s good.”

“That’s what I’m saying!” you exclaimed, throwing your hand up. “It’s like eating at Waffle House. You know it’s not going to be the best meal you’ve ever had, but damn if those waffles don’t hit the spot every time. Especially when you’re fucked up.”

“You get it! You may be the smartest person I’ve met.”

“Or maybe the dumbest.”

“Nah, you’re pretty intelligent…when you want to be.”

“Ouch!” you said, grabbing one of your throw pillows and whacking him with it. “Take that.”

Before you could take another shot, he took the pillow from you and hit you back. “You deserved that one, Weirdo.”

You fell into gentle laughter, shaking your head at him before you sighed and leaned your head on the back cushion. Eddie readjusted, also leaning his head back so he could make eye contact with you. He wrapped his arms around the pillow, hugging it to his chest.

For a moment, you just kind of sat there and looked at him. Watched his eyes flicker back and forth between yours while you did the same. Studied the brown, the way his pupils dilated as you kept staring at each other. You couldn’t say how long that lasted before you finally said something.

“I just don’t think it’s supposed to be this hard.”

 “What, dating?” he asked, tightening his grasp on the pillow.

“Yeah.”

He nodded, letting out a hum. “I don’t think so, either.”

You looked away from Eddie’s gaze to find him fiddling with the pillow’s black fringe, clearly anxious about something. It was exactly how he played with his lighter or tapped his leg. Rapid, incessant. Finding his bearings through the texture as if it could keep his attention longer than a few seconds.

And then he said your name, bringing your eyes back to his.

“Should I keep seeing Steve?” he asked.

This time you were the one readjusting, feeling yourself scoot even closer to him. Your legs were touching, the blanket seeming to slip halfway off you two. But neither of you moved to fix it. 

“Does Steve make you happy?”

“I…I don’t know.” He let out a staggered breath. “I think so.”

And you tried not to, but your leg was slipping further down his calf. Blanket be damned—you were already starting to burn.

“Tell me something. Why do you always put When Harry Met Sally on?” you asked, trying to steer away from the subject of Steve Harrington. Trying to distract yourself from the heat building inside you. Trying to distract yourself from thinking something stupid. “I thought the second Lord of the Rings movie was your favorite. The Two Towers.”

He shrugged. “No, yeah. The Two Towers is my favorite. I just think I’ve just always related to When Harry Met Sally. Always missing my chances, opportunities. Always just one step away from getting what I want.”

Was Eddie getting…closer?

You raised an eyebrow. “Missing your chances?”

And why was he staring at your mouth?

“Yeah.”

But weren’t you also staring at his?

“Are you, um, Harry?” you asked, trying to keep yourself from doing something stupid. “Or are you Sally?”

Why was he so close to making you do something stupid?

“Depends on the day,” he said, softer this time.

And why was he leaning closer, searching your eyes for some kind of confirmation that this was okay?

And why were you about to let him?

“What do you want?” you asked, barely above a whisper.

Eddie didn’t answer, the hum of Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal being the only sound left in the room other than your shared breathing. 

“What has she done? She makes desserts.”

It was growing heavier the closer he got to you, maybe the closest you’d ever been since you met. And it was so strange, the way he affected you.

“You all went to a Met game together?”

Your fingers reached out, searching for his. Found it on his thigh, also reaching for yours. Fingers touching, itching to twine. And it was so strange, the way he moved you.

“But Sally hates baseball.”

And there Eddie was, leaning in more and more, his breath seeming to intoxicate you the more it fanned over your face.

“Harry doesn’t even like sweets.”

But it was dangerous, the way he could break you.

His lips just barely brushed yours before you pulled back.

“No,” you said.

“What?” Eddie asked, leaning back. “Are you okay?”

All you could think about was Steve. Eddie literally just told you he was happy with Steve and then he was going to, what, kiss you? What business did he have doing that? And what business did you have being a homewrecker?

“I think you should go,” you said sternly, throwing the blanket off and standing.

Eddie looked up at you like he was confused. As if he wasn’t just trying to do something incredibly stupid.

“What? Really?”

You walked over to the opposite end of the living room, desperate to stay the hell away from him. Because there was some part of you that was wondering how stupid kissing him would really be. But maybe if you stayed as far away from him as possible, you wouldn’t be tempted. You couldn’t be. 

“Yep.”

Eddie shook his head, standing. “What just happened here?” he asked. “Like, seriously.”

You shook your head. “I just want you to go, Eddie. Okay?”

“No, not okay. Jesus H Christ,” he huffed, throwing the pillow on the couch. “You can’t just kick me out and not even tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

“You should figure that one out for yourself. You’re probably too high anyway,” you said, maybe a little too bitterly.

“It was only ten milligrams,” he emphasized. “And maybe, just maybe, I need to be given some clear fucking communication.”

“You’ll figure it out.” 

He gave you a hard stare. “Really? Is this really what you’re doing right now?”

“What?” you pushed. “What am I doing?”

Say it, you thought. Eddie, please just say it.

“Maybe you should figure that one out for yourself,” he mocked.

And before you could figure out how to respond, Eddie turned away from you. He stomped over to the kitchen counter, grabbing his keys and wallet before walking towards the door.

“For the record,” he said, turning back to look at you in the eye. “I’m completely sober. You of all people should know I have a high tolerance.”

Eddie opened the door and slammed it right behind him.

Eddie couldn’t stop his thoughts firing at a rapid pace as he nearly sprinted to the van. He was going to pass out, he was so sure of it this time. Hell, he was dying. He had to be dying. There was no way he was going to survive this.

The kiss. The fucking kiss. He was going to kiss you. He was actually going to do it.

Eddie’s fingers trembled as he tried to unlock the driver’s side. But the keys slipped from his fingers, clanging onto the asphalt. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, barely able to fight against whatever was grabbing hold of his throat and tightening its grasp. Shaking his head, he leaned his back against the driver’s side door. “Shit.”

Eddie clutched his chest for real this time, feeling his heart race. The panic was flooding his system, tears pricking at his eyes as he tried to focus on the breeze. The white noise of it moving through the trees. The stupid fucking squirrel nearly getting run over as someone barreled through the speed bumps. Your fucking Halloween socks.

This was going wrong. All of it. Every single last scrap of dignity he had was gone. He blew it. He fucking blew it.

If he was stronger, he would turn back around and bang on your door. Demand that you talk about this and tell you how your shared avoidance was going to be the death of any and all chance at a relationship. Kiss you the way he knew he could, knew he would. 

Because there was no way, no way, that nothing was happening between you two. 

He knew it. You knew it.

If only he was strong enough.

And it was occurring to him that he didn’t feel this way about Steve. If anything, he could never feel this way about him. And, frankly, he was starting to truly understand that it had nothing to do with Steve. It was everyone. He would never be able to feel this way about anyone else.

This time, Eddie couldn’t shake that off.

This time, Eddie knew that something had to change.

You couldn’t help but hope he’d turn back. That he’d walk right back in and kiss you the way you knew he could, knew he would if he wanted you like that. And maybe he did want to kiss you, you couldn’t say. But why would he continue to see Steve, bringing him up in nearly every conversation if he wanted you? What would be the point of that?

You were more confused than ever, finding yourself haunted by the scene playing on the TV behind you.

“What’s the matter with me?” Sally exclaimed.

“Nothing,” Harry said softly.

“I’m difficult!”

“You’re challenging,” he countered.

You fell back on the couch, sobbing as you listened to Harry and Sally go back and forth, nearly taunting you with how fucking accurate it was. How fucking accurate everything around you was, from music to movies and back again. 

“No, no, no! I drove him away!”

This was your fault, and now you had to live with those pesky little consequences you hadn’t thought of. You drove Eddie away and now you had no idea how much longer you had before he would fade into a stranger, a fever dream of what once was. And a reminder of what could’ve been.

[moodymelanist]

Last anon again, for more of an angsty wlw Nessian maybe Nesta finding out that Mor is Cass's ex and getting insecure about it? Only if that vibes with you of course!

just something quick from when I was waiting for the eclipse to peak earlier 🌘🌘

“That’s your ex?” Nesta seethed the second Mor walked into the party, turning to look at Cass with as fierce of a glare as she could muster up. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I didn’t know she would be here,” Cass replied with a grimace. “It’s not like I planned this!”

Cass had invited Nesta as her plus one to Rhysand’s birthday party, and to everyone’s surprise, the ever-elusive Morrigan had been in town long enough to actually show up. Nesta had never met the other woman until just now, although she’d heard plenty about her over the almost eight months she and Cass had been officially dating.

Perfect, golden Mor, with her sunny smiles and bubbly personality. She was the exact opposite of Nesta, and God, did Nesta fucking know it. She was actually personable, people seemed excited to see her, and she had to be one of the most gorgeous women Nesta had ever seen.

What the hell was someone like Cass doing with someone like Nesta when Mor was in her orbit? Nesta was all sharp edges and snarky comments on the best of days, and seeing Mor in the flesh was like a slap in the face. Cass could be doing so much better; who the hell was Nesta to think she deserved someone like Cass—

“Sweetheart,” Cass said, calling Nesta’s attention back to her. Her girlfriend was biting her lip a little nervously, and Nesta would’ve felt bad for worrying her had she not been so caught up in her own head. “You okay?”

“She’s just…” Nesta trailed off, not sure how to answer the question. “I just don’t get why you’d settle for me when you already had someone like that.”

“Settle for you?” Cass repeated with an incredulous little laugh. Nesta’s eye twitched a little at being laughed at, and Cass sighed heavily. “Sorry, sorry. I just — Nes, why would you ever think that?”

“Because she’s actually nice and friendly and a way better person than me,” Nesta grumbled. “So.”

Cass sighed again before guiding Nesta to a more secluded area of the bar they were in. “Where is this coming from?”

“I’d never actually seen her before,” Nesta eventually answered, wishing she was anywhere but here having this conversation about her feelings. “And now I’m just sitting here watching everyone love on her!”

“Not me,” Cass argued back with a little frown. She pushed some of her curls back out of her face before adding, “I’ve been over her for years, Nes. I love you.”

“What?” Nesta blurted out, shocked. They hadn’t said those words yet, and to say it here of all places…

“That wasn’t— I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” Cass answered. Her cheeks were turning a little red and she stepped in closer to Nesta. “I’m sorry.”

“But did you mean it?” Nesta asked, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Yes,” Cass told her. “Sweetheart, come on, how couldn’t I feel that way?”

“You already had the best,” Nesta muttered.

“You’re not a fucking downgrade,” Cass snapped, clearly losing her patience a little bit. “She fucking cheated on me! Why would I want to go back to that?”

Nesta felt like a little bit of an idiot, but to be fair, they hadn’t exactly talked about it. “Oh.”

“And even if she hadn’t,” Cass continued, clearly on a roll now, “you’re way out of my fucking league, and I’m in love with you, so why does this even matter.”

“Just— because,” Nesta answered lamely. It was a little hard to feel insecure when Cass had said twice now that she loved Nesta, but her brain seemed to always find a way. “I’m sorry. This was stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Cass automatically countered. “I just hate that you’re thinking about yourself like this, Nes.”

“It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Cass leaned down to give Nesta a kiss, her lips warm and soft against Nesta’s. “You ready to go back to the party now?”

“Yeah,” Nesta said, and then was embarrassed all over again when realized she hadn’t answered Cass’ words earlier. “And I love you too, you know.”

“I know,” Cass said back with an easy grin. She offered Nesta her hand and they both smiled a little goofily at each other for a few moments. “Come on, Nes.”

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @fieldofdaisiies | @goddess-aelin | @c-e-d-dreamer | @talkfantasytome | @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk | @sv0430 | @talibunny30 | @unlikelypersonalknight1 | @champanheandluxxury | @lilah-asteria | @burningsnowleopard | @sayosdreams | @readskk | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @bellaful08 | @readergalaxy | @podemechamardek | @pearlfortears | @nerdperson524 | @jmoonjones | @kale-theteaqueen | @autumnbabylon | @hiimheresworld | @illyrianshadowhunter | @dustjacketmusings | @live-the-fangirl-life | @that-little-red-head | @sweet-pea1 | @brieq | @queercontrarian | @jsmelodies | @afflicted-with-wanderlust

[chelseeebe]

falling. | part 3. to maneater.

summary: steve harrington was the first boy you’d opened up to. so why can’t you stop fucking it up?

c/w: billy is in this and there’s mentions of sexual assault and non-consensual touching so read with caution!

it’s finally done!!!!! i don’t even think i like this but it’s here!!! tumblr deleted a whole chunk of writing so had to redo some parts n ik they aren’t as good as the original <\3 also falling - harry styles especially the first verse rlly got me going for this one.

read part one here. | read part two here.

there had been absolutely no contact with steve. he couldn’t even look at you.

now being shunned from sitting on the table your two groups had taken over, jessica very kindly tells you, ‘it’s probably better if you don’t come, y’know.. just until steve cools down.’

‘right.. guess i’ll see you later then,’ you slink out of the cafeteria, choosing to retreat to your car instead, away from everyone.

to be honest, you weren’t keen on sitting opposite steve anyway. the way his eyes looked at you, all sad and disappointed.

on the friday, you’re sat in your car, willing the next two hours of school to hurry up when your passenger door swings open and a large body collapses into the seat.

‘what the fuck are you doing?’

‘you looked lonely, thought i’d give you some company,’ billy states, throwing his legs on the dashboard.

you shoo his feet off, ‘i was fine on my own, actually.’

‘darling, i’ve seen you sat here every day this week, your boyfriend still mad at you?’ he smirks over at you.

‘he’s not my boyfriend, never has been, but yeah, no thanks to you,’ you hiss, though you can’t solely blame him.

‘you really were wasted, huh? don’t remember what happened after?’ he lights a cigarette, rolling down the window.

‘well no, but i’ve been told.. steve couldn’t wait to throw it in my face, trust me,’ you state, looking over at the curly haired boy.

‘why do you give a shit what he thinks? never had you down as someone that cared what little pretty boys like harrington think of you,’ he takes a drag.

billy was attractive, not in a steve harrington kinda way, more rugged and much less clean-cut.

you reach over and grab the cigarette from him, taking a long drag before handing it back.

‘i don’t,’ you lie, ‘could not care less.’

‘that’s why you’re hiding in your car is it, sweetheart?’ he chuckles, eyes narrowing at you.

‘just fuck off, billy,’ you roll your eyes, unprepared for his home-truths.

he laughs, ‘n leave you all alone? you sure you want that?'

even though it was billy, you had appreciated not being alone at lunch. your friend's hadn't exactly shunned you, but had decided that during lunch they'd rather preserve the peace with their new-found friendship with steve and his group.

'you can stay, as long as you shut up and don't mention steve again,' you fold your arms over your chest, twisting your body to look at him.

'i'm not making any promises,' he flicks the butt of the cigarrette out of the window, turning back to face you.

'there's a party tomorrow, i'll pick you up at eight,' he winks.

in all honesty a party was a welcome distraction to everything at the moment, though billy would not be your usual choice of friend but at this point you weren't left with much choice.

then there's a twinge of guilt in your stomach, thinking of steve and how a party and billy had actually been the sole reason steve now wasn’t speaking to you.

he was the first guy you’d let get that close since moving to hawkins a few years back. an inexplicable feeling bubbles in your stomach as you think back to your date. how you had felt so comfortable with him, telling him things not even your friends had gotten out of you.

and suddenly that awful impulsive urge rises from your stomach. the one that only showed itself when things were becoming too serious with someone.

so fuck it.

you spent the whole of the lunch break with billy, in your car. you hadn't ever pictured your friday to go this way, but you were just happy that someone was actually speaking to you.

you'd neglected to notice steve, who had finished basketball practice, standing just a few metres from your car, glaring at the pair of you sat talking in your car. a frown planted firmly on his face, utter disbelief at how you could even be sat with him after that damned party.

tommy notices steve staring, searching for the cause of his scowl, landing on your car. he swings his arm over his friends shoulder in sympathy.

'bro.. c'mon, let's just go,' he tugs steve away and back into the school.

-

billy is late, obviously.

he wasn’t like steve, ready and waiting for you before you’d even finished getting ready.

you turn your wrist to look at your watch.

8:11pm

you were about to head back inside when you hear the loud car engine pull onto your street, wheels screeching to a halt.

billy grins at you from the window, you roll your eyes and get into the car.

‘you’re late, lucky i was nice enough to wait,’ you pull your skirt down, as it had ridden up past your thighs. not unnoticed by billy.

‘sorry darlin’, looking good though,’ he eyes up your thighs.

‘just drive, i need a fucking drink,’ you stare, flipping him the middle finger.

he chuckles, speeding off down the street.

-

you’d told yourself that there was absolutely no way you were getting as wasted as last time. but here you were, head spinning as you stumble up to the stairs and into the bathroom.

billy follows closely behind, pushing his way into the bathroom, ‘not tapping out, are ya doll face?’

‘no, i’m fine.. just need a minute,’ you lean your hands on the counter, looking at your blurry reflection in the mirror.

billy presses himself against your back, hands finding your waist as you watch him grin in the mirror.

you spin your body round to face him, placing a hand on his chest to push him back, ‘i’m not fucking you billy,’ shaking your head.

‘oh c’mon, i’ve been waiting all night for this darlin’,’ his fingers begin to slide up your thigh, disappearing under your skirt.

‘no billy, i’m not doing that,’ you place your hand on his wrist, trying to move his hand.

his expression hardens as he leans his face closer to yours, his fingers now gripping your jaw, ‘you’re joking.. everyone knows what a little slut you are, what’s the problem? don’t tell me it’s harrington.’

his fingers tear a hole in your tights, latching onto the hem of your underwear and you freeze.

your eyes squeeze shut, ‘i just don’t want to have sex with you.. get off of me,’ your voice shakes.

he runs his thumb over your bottom lip before letting go, backing away from the counter, ‘whatever, you’re a little cock-tease,’ he walks out of the bathroom, slamming the door so hard the walls shake.

you sigh, wiping away the tears that had slipped out and rolled down your cheek.

you’d yet again made a gigantic mess of everything.

now left stranded at some random party, god knows where.

so, you do the sensible thing and walk down the stairs and out of the house, stumbling down the street as you pass the party goers.

you walk and walk, until you end up on the familiar street.

you don’t really know what you’re doing until you’re at the door, boots in hand as your knuckles wrap against the wood.

there were now holes in your tights, black mascara smudged down your cheeks and the red lipstick you’d chosen now anywhere but your lips.

you glance at the time on your watch

3:32am.

it had taken you an hour to even get here.

the door swings open and a shirtless steve stands in the doorway, hair sticking up every which way.

‘y/n? why are y- what happened?’ his tone becoming concerned as he notices your disheveled appearance and the leather boots in your hand.

you shrug, swallowing the lump in your throat, ‘i didn’t know where else to go..’ the lump rises as a cry escapes your mouth.

his arms are around your body, pulling you into his chest, before you can say another word.

you cry as he pulls you into the house, running his hand down your back. you can only cling onto him, only crying harder because you didn’t deserve this kindness from him.

‘hey.. what happened?’ he questions, pulling away to make you look up at him.

‘i was.. at a party and- and billy..’ you’re interrupted with a sob, unable to finish the sentence.

his eyes go from soft to filled with anger at the mention of his name.

‘what? what did he do?’ he spits, with the state of you it couldn’t have been good.

‘he just- he tried to touch me and.. and i said no and-,’ you’re interrupted by a sob, unable to even tell steve.

you can feel his body stiffen, ‘he didn’t… did he?’

shaking your head, you swallow attempting to conceal your cries, ‘no.. he just.. touched me.. it’s my fault, i shouldn’t have even gone..’

‘no, no it’s not at all.. c’mon let’s get you cleaned up,’ he pulls his body from yours, now taking your hand and walking you up his stairs.

the second time he’d come to your drunken rescue. you felt awful for relying on him so much.

but truthfully, steve would rather know that you’re safe with him than out there. no matter what had happened between you.

he gently wipes the remains of your makeup off with his moms face wipes, offering you the spare toothbrush and even turning around as you change into yet another one of his t-shirts, this time foregoing the sweatpants.

‘got my own collection going on,’ you laugh weakly, sitting on the edge of his bed.

he exhales, ‘s’pose you do.. they look better on you anyway,’ he stands in the doorway, ready to go to the guest bedroom.

‘can you.. stay in here.. only if you want to,’ you whisper, pulling back the duvet for him.

he walks over to the bed, ‘of course i want to.. whether i should is another story,’ he climbs into the bed, laying back.

‘you should,’ you lean your head back onto the pillow, staring at the cream coloured ceiling.

steve flicks the lamp off, turning on his side to go to sleep.

you’re sure he’s asleep before you let out the first silent cry, hand held over your mouth.

your shoulders shake as you sniffle, slightly louder than intended.

and then you feel steve’s arm snake around your waist, pulling you into his chest.

‘i’m sorry.. i thought you were asleep..’ you mumble.

‘no.. can’t sleep,’ he grumbles in response, still holding onto your waist.

you turn your body to face his, looking up at his shadowy face, admiring the way the moon cascaded over his features. you can just about make out his eyes staring back into yours.

‘me too..’

the eye contact is heavy, and you’re half tempted to reach up and kiss him.

steve clearly has the same thought, his lips colliding with yours with his free hand now cupping your face.

but this kiss is different, there’s no lust, no desire behind it. not like before. this kiss was soft, full of warmth and emotion.

he pulls back, searching for your eyes in the darkness, ‘c’mon you need to sleep.’

you nod slightly, resting your head on his chest and exhaling deeply.

his fingers trace patterns into your shoulder, chin resting on the top of your head.

eventually your breathing becomes heavy on his chest as you drift off to sleep.

his fingers slide through your hair with his other arm wrapped tightly around your shoulders, holding you close to his body.

he whispers into your hair, ‘you’re killing me here..’

eventually falling asleep, nuzzled into your hair.

-

it's noon before you wake up, steve's arm around your waist as he snores lightly.

he looked so peaceful when he was asleep, the usual furrow of his brow replaced with an undisturbed, stillness to his face.

you smile at the image, not wanting to wake him but desperately needing the bathroom.

you manoeuvre your body out of his grasp and tiptoe to the bathroom.

when you come back to the room steve is awake, sat up against his headboard.

‘i thought.. i thought you’d snuck off again,’ he exhales, running his hand through his hair.

you shake your head, ‘not this time,’ sitting at the end of the bed.

‘what happened last night?’ he asks, not wanting to press too much.

you sigh, looking down at your hands, ‘he.. he touched me.. i said no but he.. just-,’ you stop yourself.

steve reaches over, placing his hand over yours for reassurance.

‘he grabbed me.. called me a slut and a tease- i don’t wanna talk about it..’

‘you should go to the police, obviously if you want to.. but he shouldn’t get away with that,’ he squeezes you hand, his tone now full of disgust.

‘no, i’m not.. it’s fine- i’m fine,’ you look up at him, eyes glossy with tears.

‘you do-,’ he sighs, exasperated, ‘okay, it’s your choice.. but i’m just telling you now that i am going to kill him.’

you chuckle through the tears, ‘you couldn’t kill a fly.’

‘hey! i could and i have,’ he feigns offence.

you groan, using steve’s blanket to wipe away your tears.

‘are you okay?’ he questions quietly.

you nod, ‘i’m fine.. are you okay?’

‘why would i not be?’

‘because.. of me,’ you shrug, ‘what i did..’

he squeezes your hand, ‘it doesn’t matter.. you were right, you aren’t my girlfriend.. i can’t expect you to act like it,’ he sighs; slightly frowning.

his eyes are sad, gazing down at you.

‘it was still shitty.. i’m really sorry steve.. i’m trying to be a different person, better, but it’s hard..’

he exhales, ‘look.. we don’t need to speak about this now..’

you nod, appreciating his kindness. even if you were totally undeserving.

‘c’mon, i’ll take you home,’ he runs his thumb over your hand before standing from the bed.

you’re stood at his door when he picks up the skirt you’d worn last night. it had been a favourite but now you couldn’t even stand to look at it.

‘burn it,’ you say, disgusted at the sight of the skirt.

it goes unnoticed when steve grits his teeth, seething at how billy’s actions had made you feel so little. a shell of the you he knew.

-

you hesitate going into the cafeteria. there was still an air of uncertainty around you and steve despite you turning up on his doorstep sunday morning.

you notice the group of students now stood at the window, jeering and gasping at some commotion outside.

before you can decide whether to join them, jessica sprints up to you, 'you need to come, now,' pulling your arm towards the door to the forecourt.

'what? what's going on?' you query, stumbling as she drags you along.

'it's steve..,' she pants, breathless as she'd had to sprint to find you.

your eyes immediately land on the group of high-schoolers, crowded around the bustle you'd noticed from the window.

pushing through the crowd you spot steve squared up to billy, his hand shoving his backwards, billy tumbling back.

'fucking creep,' steve spits, stepping up once again.

'what's the problem? did i touch your little girlfriend? that little slut wanted it,' billy bites back, returning the shove to steve only a little harder.

you bite the inside of your cheek, guilty that you were the reason for the fight. his words sting, memories of the spiteful words he had spat at you in the bathroom flooding back.

steve lunges for the boy, landing a particularly hard punch to his cheek sending billy backwards towards the crowd.

billy clutches his cheek, a smile on his lips at the utter disbelief of steve's actions.

the denim clad boy tackles steve to the ground, pulling his arm back to sock him in the face, repeatedly, each hit harder than the last.

you gasp, elbowing the boys in front of you out of the way and stepping up towards billy, you grab onto his jacket in an attempt to stop him.

'fucking stop it!' you screech, pulling his arm back and away from steve.

billy pushes you backwards, falling to the floor as the crowd let out a collective 'ooh'.

fortunately for steve, ms. kelly gets into the middle of the circle as one of the gym teachers restrains billy.

you rush over to steve, his face now bruised and bloody. you cradle his head in your arms, trying to clean off some of the blood to assess how badly he was hurt.

he looks up at you, eyes squinting at the bright light, 'i'm sorry.. he deserved it though.'

you shake your head, though you can't hide the smile on your face, ‘we could've slashed his tyres or something, now look at you.'

eventually, you alongside one of his teammates take him inside, his arm resting on your shoulder.

you press the ice pack to his face, shuffling in the uncomfortable office chairs while you wait for the principle to finish speaking to billy.

'i think you're a fucking idiot for doing that.. but i wanted to thank you.. for defending me n' that..'

he turns to face you, 'oh that? wasn't for you.. i just really really wanted to get beat up,' he winces at his split lip as he smiles.

'it was kinda hot.. y'know the ten seconds before he beat the shit out of you,' you giggle. it was true, angry steve was hot, just not when he was angry at you.

your head jolts to the open door, as billy saunters out. steve had got a pretty good hit in, with billy's cheek now adorned with a new blue bruise.

he glares at the two of you, his lip snarling as if to say something but he restrains himself.

‘mr. harrington,’ mr. davis calls, gesturing towards his office.

you both stand at the same time, ‘you can stay here miss. (y/l/n),’ the principle nods.

‘no, i’m coming,’ you walk into the office and take a seat before steve.

mr. davis is shocked at your gumption, beginning his spiel about fighting and how it’s unacceptable in the school environment.

‘so unfortunately, i’ve got no choice but to suspend you-,’

‘no,’ you cut him off, ‘that’s not fair, it’s my fault he was even fighting, so you can either suspend both of us or neither of us,’ you cross your arms, staring at your principal.

‘well.. now we can’t do that.. school policy states that we need to punish anyone fighting,’ david states, leaning forward on his desk.

‘so suspend me too.’

steve gawps at you, mouth open at your brave actions, utterly speechless.

‘i don’t think that would be wise miss (y/l/n), it’s a one week suspension,’ he attempts to persuade you to concede.

you shrug, ‘i don’t care.’

‘okay.. well.. then you’re both suspended, i’ll be in contact with both of your parents.. i expect you back, not fighting, next monday,’ your principal sighs.

you stand up and exit the room, stone-faced as you barrel out of the school.

steve jogs to catch up with you, ‘wait.. wait, why the fuck did you do that?’ his fingers curl around your wrist.

‘because it’s my fault you were even fighting.. only fair that i take some of the blame,’ you turn to him only inches away from his swollen face.

a laugh erupts from his throat at the sheer absurdity of it all. it’s contagious as you burst out laughing with him.

‘we look crazy..’ you mutter, noticing the stares from nosy students out of the classroom windows.

‘you are crazy,’ he says, fingers still wrapped around your wrist.

‘i’m not the one throwing punches at someone twice my size,’ you state, grinning at him.

he scoffs, ‘twice? i don’t think so.’

you shake your head, ‘let’s get out of this shit hole, you’ve just bagged me a week off.. i’m not wasting that.’

you walk over to your car, looking back at steve stood gawping at you.

‘i.. i drove so i’ll uh- see ya,’ he begins to walk to his car, fumbling in his pockets for his keys.

‘are you sure you’re alright to drive? your eye’s pretty fucked..’ you were just desperate to not let him walk away once again.

‘yeah.. this is not my first time being beaten up, believe it or not,’ he half jokes, wobbling over to his car.

‘well.. uh, do you wanna do something later? i think i owe you for defending my honour,’ you call after him.

he turns to look at you, ‘okay, dinner is definitely on you though.’

‘i’ll even come and pick you up.. six, so you better be ready,’ you open the car door, sliding into the seat.

you both drive home grinning at your nondate-date.

-

you’d never been so nervous, stomach doing flips at the thought of seeing him.

you pull up on his drive, giving your outfit a once over before sounding the horn. you’d opted for more casual wear, a difference to the usual short skirts and revealing tops steve normally saw you in.

he appears at the door before limping over to your car. he groans as he attempts to sit in the car, his bruises now visible on his face.

‘are you sure you’re okay to go out?’ you question, wincing at his cut hands.

‘yeah.. i’m fine.. just a bit sore,’ he mumbles.

‘mm, you look it, c‘mon.. we can just order pizza and watch a movie, it’s okay,’ you hop out and walk around the passenger side, helping him out of your car.

he wraps his arm around your waist, supporting himself with your body, ‘you could’ve said this before i dragged myself all the way over here,’ he jokes.

‘steve, i’ll fucking drop you.’

you help him into the house, placing him down on the sofa before looking around at the large house.

you’d never really seen it through sober eyes, suddenly noticing the childhood photos dotted around.

‘are your parents not home?’ you question, the quiet echoed around the house.

‘nah.. they never are,’ he shrugs, there’s a certain sadness to his voice as he settles into the cushions.

‘oh.. at least they don’t know that you’re suspended i guess..’ you try to spin it positively but you can tell just how hurt he is.

‘yeah.. i guess..’

you sit down on the couch next to him, grabbing the phone from the table and passing it to him.

‘c’mon.. it’s my treat so get whatever you want,’ you cross your legs up onto the couch, watching him on the phone. completely enamoured with his every little move.

-

there’s some action film on the tv, not your first choice obviously.

your knees are tucked into your chest as steve leans against you, head on your shoulder. you honestly weren’t even sure he was still awake.

‘i’m really sorry, steve,’ it comes out in barely a whisper.

you hear him sigh, ‘i know.. it’s okay,’ he lifts his head off of your shoulder, now looking at you.

‘no, steve.. it’s not okay.. i hurt you and that’s not okay..’ you can’t bare to look at him, into his sad, doe eyes, instead playing with the hem on your jeans.

‘it is.. im telling you that it is.. you aren’t my girlfriend and..’ he exhales, ‘it’s okay that you don’t want to be.. i shouldn’t have just expected it from you..’

you’re still picking at the loose thread on your jeans, ‘but i do.. i do want that.. i just- there’s something wrong with me and i just can’t help it, i fuck everything up.. i hurt people..’ you shake your head, quickly wiping away the tear that had slipped out.

being so vulnerable with him made you sick to your stomach. the first person in a long time to tap into this part of you, the side you had buried deep down.

he swallows before putting his hand on your knee, ‘you haven’t.. fucked anything up, i’m still here aren’t i?

you’re brave enough to slowly look up at him through sodden eyelashes, blinking at his words.

‘you know.. i’ve been begging to hear you say that for so long..’ he breathes, inching closer to your face.

‘i don’t wanna hurt you..’ you murmur, his hand cupping your cheek as he wipes your damp cheek.

he leans forward, placing his lips on your yours. the kiss is similar to the one you’d shared in his bed on sunday morning, soft with no ulterior motives. affectionate and gentle, something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

he pulls away, pressing his forehead to yours as his thumb still tracing your cheek, ‘then don’t.’

you nod, placing your hand on top of his before kissing his lips again. carefully placing your other hand on his bruised cheek, sure to be gentle with him.

‘does this mean you’re my girlfriend?’ he mumbles into the kiss.

you laugh against his lips, ‘if you want me to be..’

he pulls back to look at you, ‘i want nothing more,’ the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile.

‘then i’m yours.’

[cloudbersoo]

i like you | zb1 hyung line

synopsis: how zb1 hyung line would confess to you

tags: member x gn!reader, fluff, fluff, just fluff!!

my playlist while writing: dust by seventeen, about you by the 1975

word count: 1.2k in total

a/n: hi again! didn’t think i'd write again so soon but it’s raining and i was bored so here i am. i’d like to thank everyone who read my first fic, the likes made me really happy as i didn’t think that many people would’ve found it in the first place! thank you thank you!!!

kim jiwoong 

i think jiwoong probably approached you with the intent of dating you

so he would be quite straightforward with his feelings right from the begging

he always complimented you and flirted with you, so it wasn’t like his feelings weren’t obvious to you

he’d take you on a nice date and walk you home like a gentleman

would finally confess his feelings to you at your doorstep

your third date with jiwoong was coming to an end as you approached your apartment. every date with him has been better than the previous one. you were comfortable with jiwoong and he seemed like a great guy overall, someone you wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with. you were just waiting for him to make the final move. 

he was still holding onto your hand as you two stood in front of your door. he seemed to be in thought, looking at your intertwined hands. “thank you for tonight” he finally spoke. jiwoong raised his gaze to your eyes, keeping eye contact, as he took a step closer to you. “i’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, and would like to keep going” he continued. his hands now finding their place on your hips.

“i really like you y/n, and i would love to be your boyfriend, if you just let me.”

zhang hao

hao wouldn’t make a big deal out of a confession

he’s pretty sure your feelings are mutual (i mean who wouldn’t like him back?)

so he isn’t stressed about rejection

thinks confessing his feelings to you is just one small step in a larger story

he just had to find the right moment to do it

since meeting hao through a mutual friend about a year ago, you have only gotten closer as time went on. people were usually surprised to hear the two of you weren’t dating, as you apparently acted like an old married couple. you never took such comments too seriously, and you would laugh about it together, while still deep down knowing there was something more than friendship between the two of you.

it was another movie night between you and hao, something that has become an almost weekly thing for the two of you. you had chosen a random romcom where the two main leads were friends, hopelessly in love with one another and had no courage to tell each other how they felt. zhang hao found it ironic that he was watching the movie with you, the person he has been in love with for some time now (and was quite sure you felt the same), and never had the courage to actually do something about the feeling you shared. 

“it’s kinda funny isn't it? we’re just like them.”

sung hanbin

unlike hao, hanbin would make a big deal out of a confession

he’d plan for weeks, asking help from his members

hanbin would be very nervous and would barely be able to sleep the night before

he just wants everything to go well

ends up surprising you with flowers and a speech about how much you mean to him

hanbin has been acting weird for a few weeks now, but you were relieved when he finally promised to tell you what had been bothering him lately. he had been very secretive about everything, when he had asked you to meet him in the park at eight o’clock, but you assured him you were going to be there. so there you were, exactly at eight, with yet any sighs of the boy. 

a few minutes later you recognised hanbin walking towards you. he seemed nervous, even from afar. he was hiding something behind his back as he approached you. he greeted you, giving you a sweet smile to hide his nervousness. his hands sweaty, he revealed a bouquet of flowers behind his back, handing them out to you. surprised but happy, you accepted the bouquet as hanbin finally spoke.

“i don’t know where i should even start… you mean the world to me y/n.”

seok matthew

matthew lowkey confessed to you by accident

he would be telling you about his day as normal

then he would blurt out something that would reveal his true feelings to you

and you’d be a blushing mess and be like “what?”

he’d noticed his slip out too late and decides to just tell you everything

it was a normal evening for you and your friend, as you talked about your days. telling each other all the good and bad, relieving stress in each other's presence. matthew loved telling you about his friends' antics at the dorm or at practice, telling you whatever comes to his mind first. he was like that, he had basically no filter around you. 

“...and then hanbin pointed out i always find a way to include you in a conversation, which is true but he had no right to point that out as someone who’s totally obsessed with hao hyung! and then guess what? they started teasing me about how much i love you-” he suddenly stopped, noticing you frozen where you sat, face completely flushed pink. realising what he had just said, his face soon matched yours.

“oh, well… i guess it was sooner or later i would’ve told you anyway…”

kim taerae

would confess to you with a song! (cliche, i know)

there was an open mic event at a local cafe that you made taerae to participate in

he would start his last song by saying it was dedicated to you

the song was the most obvious declaration of love anyone has ever heard

he’d be super shy as he approached you after the show (so don’t keep him waiting for an answer too long or he’ll explode!)

there weren’t often times when your best friend would leave you speechless, but tonight was one of them. he had just sung the most beautiful love song you have ever heard, and he had dedicated it to you in front of everyone at the cafe. this might be the most romantic thing anyone has ever done to you, and you doubt it would ever be topped. your heart was racing, you never knew your friend could have such an effect on you. 

“thank you” you heard taerae say to the mic, finally exiting the stage. applause filled the room, a shy smile entering his face. you could see taerae’s friends going up to him to congratulate him. he eventually dared to look at you, still very shy, knowing the conversation that was waiting the two of you. you could hear his friend’s whistling, as taerae finally had the courage to approach you.

“so? did you like it?”

- end

[liminalmemories21]

Fuck It Friday

tagged by @jesuisici33.

Apparently I'm just using this tag as a way to post outtakes.

This is a deleted/rewritten from Knave 2 that eventually became "Then - 7 Months Ago (August)". The two bear almost no resemblance to each other, but it was the same idea of TK's past coming back to haunt him. Also, I'm still kind of playing around with the idea of what exactly Carlos's colleagues think of him, and more specifically him and TK.

“Am I a problem for you?”  TK asks suddenly.

And it feels like such a non sequitur that he’s lost.  “What?”

“At the station, am I a problem for you?”

“What did this guy say to you?”

TK shrugs, “Nothing that wasn’t true, and that’s fine when it’s me.  My sins, my penance.”

“How very Catholic of you,” Carlos says dryly, on autopilot, trying to find the plot thread to this conversation.

TK smiles briefly, but the smile drops away again almost instantly.  "The guy who taught me how to grift, he told me once that you have to get out of the game as soon as you have something you aren’t willing to lose."

And he’s not following, and feels stupid.  TK gives him an unhappy look.  “I thought I’d done it right.  I got clean.  I got out.  But it’s always going to follow me around, I just don’t want it to follow you around too.”

He reaches out, and then stops just shy of touching TK, not sure if he’s welcome.  “I think I’m going to need an actual verb at some point.”

“I’ve heard people talking, at the station, when I drop something off, or if I meet you there.”

“Who?” he asks sharply.  “Garvey?  Because Garvey’s a dick to everyone who isn’t a middle aged white guy.”

TK frowns, “No, not Garvey, although that kind of proves my point.”

“TK seriously, can you start at the beginning and just keep going until the end so I can figure out what the hell is going on?”

TK looks up, startled.  “Shit.  I’ve never actually seen you lose your patience.”  He glances at his watch.  “That took what, eight months?  That has to be a record for me.”

He gives in to exasperation and worry and tugs TK over to the couch and pulls him down.  “TK.”

TK’s smile is brief and humorless.  “Massey - the guy on the our Board - he said he’d been talking about the program over dinner, mentioned my name.  Next day his brother-in-law stopped by his office with a bunch of stories about me - true stories as it happens, although I’m not sure he cared a lot about asking that question.  He said he’d brought it up with Tanya who was,” he makes air quotes, “‘woefully naive’, so it was his responsibility as a Board member to keep an eye on me.”  He waves a hand, “which, whatever, as long as he doesn’t try and get me fired I don’t actually care.”

“But?”

TK blows out a breath, “But then he mentioned you.  Said he’d heard that we were involved.  Said that was the kind of thing that didn’t reflect well on young detective,” he scowls, “dude seriously talked like he was an 80 year old out of Dickens’ novel.”  He flicks a glance at Carlos.  “He said, it was the kind of thing that made people think twice about coming for backup.”

Carlos takes a steadying breath.  “Okay, sweetheart, this is what’s been tying you up in knots?”  TK nods, frowning.  “I’m gay, Tejano, and a legacy hire.  People thought twice about coming for backup a long time before I started dating you.”

TK flashes him a wry smile.  “You’re saying I should get over myself?”

He snorts, “I’m saying that I know who to trust and who not to, and none of that is a calculus that’s changed in the last eight months.  And, even if it had, I still wouldn’t give you up for it.”

“I can’t be the reason you get hurt,” TK says seriously.

“Off the top of my head I can think of five people at the station you might have overheard saying shitty things about me.  They’ve been saying them since I got there.  I worked hard for my job, and I earned it whatever anyone else might think.  And, I’m not giving it up because someone who's living in a fantasy of the 1950s doesn't want me there, and I'm sure as hell not giving you up for them."

“How do you go to work every day if you think that?”

He looks at TK with a straight face, “Well it helps that I’m 99.9% sure that I’m having much better sex than they are.”

TK gapes at him for a moment, and then shoves him, hard and he topples back into the sofa cushions laughing.  “This is your idea of being comforting?”

He straightens up, and reaches for TK’s hand with less hesitation this time.  “I think I can’t change anyone’s opinion by willing it, all I can do is live up to my own expectations for myself and hope that they can respect that.  Giving up someone I love, because someone tells me to, I couldn’t respect myself if I did that, so how can I ask someone else to respect me?”

TK looks at him seriously.  “I think you’re giving other people too much credit, but it’s working in my favor so I’m not gonna argue too hard.”

tagging anyone who has outtakes they want to share, because like anyone who grew up with DVD blooper reels, I love me an extra.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Runaway - Chapter Fourteen.

Wow, besties! You reached that unlock at speed! Something tells me that you’re going to be exactly the same with this chapter, too :D Thanks for your engagement as usual, and I hope you enjoy!

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve  Thirteen

Taglist - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed

Words - 1,638

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

Ahhh, stories from respective pasts. A fantastic way to get to know someone, and be thoroughly entertained throughout. At that point in the evening, and with the storm showing no signs of abating, they were covering the school years. 

“So I ask her again, and she predictably tells me no, but by this point I feel like my fuckin’ bladder is gon’ burst, so I just said to her, ‘fine, you asked for this’, got up, walked over to her plant in the corner, and pissed right in the pot. She starts screaming at me, I calmly told her that she should have just let me go to the bathroom, but at least with my way, she got to see the fact I had a real big dick, so it was a win win scenario.  

“The entire class went crazy laughing, she reported me to the principal, but it was only the comment I made about my dick I got in trouble for. Turns out the principal’s wife was a urologist, and so because he knew how bad it was to hold a piss in, she got in deep shit for not allowing kids to go to the bathroom.  

“That ain’t even the wildest part of the story, though. I saw her in a bar years later, and gave her hell about what a tyrant she used to be. She just stood there and took it, then said that since I’d grown up to be such a knockout, I should let her make it up to me. I went home with her that night and fucked her until her bed broke.”

Hannah almost choked on her wine. “Oh my god!”

“What?” he laughed, his dirty chuckle filling the room. “She was a bitch, but she was hot!”

“I’d say I can’t believe that you fucked your former teacher, but it’s you after all.” She nudged him with a teasing foot, Manny grabbing her leg and tickling behind her knee, where he knew she couldn’t bear to be touched. “Get off me!” she cried, her giggles sending sparks of happiness through his insides. It had been a while, since he’d been playful like that with a woman.

“Oh and I bet you were nothing short of perfect at school, right?”  

She fought against him, kicking his thigh until he finally let go. “I was, actually. About the worst thing I did was let the fire alarm off to get a guy I liked out of a test. He never really noticed me like that before, until I walked past him when we were filed up outside, whispered ‘you’re welcome’, winked and walked away. I’d like to think that was one of my smoother moments in life.”

“And did it work? Not that you should have needed to resort to such, being as gorgeous as you are.”  

She nodded, dropping her head for a moment, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, it worked. We dated for four months before I broke up with him. Me and my poor impulse control struck, the impulse being that the quarterback of the football team asked me out, and I looked at him as a better option.”

Manny leaned forward slightly, arching an eyebrow as he lifted his glass to his lips. “And was he?”

“Nope! I never seem to learn my lesson there. Then again, the last time I acted on impulse, I got something wonderful.” He gestured for her to continue, watching her smile grow. “I got Lola.”

“And you didn’t end up married to an asshole either,” he observed, draining his glass, Hannah hauling herself up to fetch the second bottle from the kitchen. “Anything more there, or is he sticking to his restraining order?”

“I’ve had a few phone calls come through where no one talks, and I know it’s him. I block all the numbers he calls me from just as I always have, but he’s persistent, uses pay phones, I think at one point he was using cheap prepay phones as well. I just have to keep a diary of it, but it’ll be hard to prove it’s him unless he talks. It’s a nuisance, but what can I do?” Sitting down again, she topped up their glasses, setting the bottle down on the table. “I heard through the grapevine that he moved away recently, he’s gone up to northern Cali somewhere, so as long as he isn’t a physical presence in my life, I don’t mind so much.”  

“I do,” he stated with vehemence. “I mind him bothering you. If he ever does turn up again, you tell me, okay? Fuck the police, fuck the courts, you come and you tell me. He’ll leave you alone for good.”  

Her eyes widened a little. “You wouldn’t...” she made a gun motion against her head, her thumb pulling an imaginary trigger, “would you?”

“No! Don’t be crazy, of course I wouldn’t. But I’d make him believe I would.” That was only half the truth. If he ever physically came near his daughter in a threatening way, Michael would cease to breathe, although that wasn’t a truth Manny was quick to share with her mother. “And I’d probably smack him around a little, just for daring to fuck with someone I care about.”

He couldn’t help but add that, the wine getting to him a little. Anything stronger than beer, and it was essentially like giving him truth serum.  

“Manny,” she warned gently, reaching for his arm. “Please, don’t.” It took him a moment to answer, the feel of her hand upon him, her skin on his, even though so innocently placed there making a jolt run straight to the pit of his belly.  

He raised his eyebrows, recovering himself. “He’ll be fine, unless he breaks his restraining order. I saw it, when you broke down and revealed it all, just how fucking stressed out the motherfucker had made you. That don’t happen on my watch, Hannah.” Pausing, he leaned forward, reaching for her face, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Don’t matter how unique it all is, our relationship as parents, what could have been, if the circumstances were different. I meant it when I said I care about you.”  

Perhaps he hadn’t recovered himself sufficiently enough, the blue of her eyes like cloudless skies he wished only to sail through, shining through the candlelight. His mouth felt dry, taking another swig of wine, his heart beginning to pound. No. He couldn’t act. He had to shove it down again, but the lure of her. Oh, the lure, his loins burning at the memory of how it felt, when he was with her. Fuck.  

In turn, the pull she felt to him was intense, like he’d lassoed her insides, as only an accomplished cowboy could, the rope being wound in with every statement that passed over his lips, every compliment, her foundations feeling shaky in the presence of him. Despite herself, her hand covered his, the light of her gaze meeting the dark of his, both paused, perhaps for too long... or not long enough... the wine clouding them, the memories of one another returning. As if that attraction had ever been far from the surface.  

The storm outside swirled with all the potency of what they’d both tried to push down, the sky illuminated as Manny set his glass down, taking hers from her hand, moving up the couch, his hands gripping her knees, opening them enough for his body to slot between them, the boom of thunder rocking the ground as their mouths met.  

Any reservations they might have had were swept away as they fell headlong down the rabbit hole, the tempting promise of what they would experience in their own Neverland of blissful sin tugging at them too strongly, dragging them down, until all that was left was them. There was no Carmen, no time between their only night together and then, no reason why not. Only them.  

A scattered path of kisses scorched her skin, the firm grip of his hands moving to pull at her vest, Hannah suddenly stopping him.  

“I... I look... different.” Her stammered words made him pause, searching her eyes, resting his forehead to hers. “I don’t look as good as I used to, since the baby.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” His kisses landed softer, his haste calmed as he slowly lifted her vest, pulling it from her body, her sweats next to go, Manny sitting back on his heels as he looked down at her, his gaze finding the nerves in her eyes. “This body is beautiful. You know why? It’s the body that grew my child safely for nine months, and if you think just because it’s a tiny bit different to how I remember that it’ll put me off, then you’re crazy. Now, lie back and let me show you just how goddamned beautiful I think you are.”  

She’d be lying if she said her confidence had been truly bolstered in the wake of his praise, no matter how lovely his words were, but still, she felt desired enough to pull him back to her, their mouths locked together, undoing his shirt as kisses of sugared embers grew hotter, the feel of his skin on hers torridly enchanting.  

“Wait.” Sitting up, he lifted her, Hannah wrapping herself around him. “I need more room than a couch has to really fuckin’ enjoy you, darlin’.”

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind them, so did the chapter of them entitled ‘Two parents trying desperately to convince themselves there was only a child connecting them.’ And lord, the chapter they would write together to follow, only legible until the flames that roared between them threatened to burn each word off the page entirely.  

[themculibrary]

Non-Explicit Slash Pairings Masterlist

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Summary: Clint “Hawkeye” Barton takes on a contract for one Philip J. Coulson. It all goes downhill from there.

(And uphill for a while. Then downhill again. Mostly downhill, overall).

all it takes is faith, trust, and a dream (ao3) - Espressosaur, ohstars steve/bucky G, 45k

Summary: A road trip, a fairytale, a prince, and a boy who never grew up, together they make a story filled with magic.

below freezing (ao3) - aftersoon (notboldly) rhodey/tony M, 11k

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bless this ink and our souls (ao3) - Akira_of_the_Twilight bucky/clint/steve/tony T, 5k

Summary: Steve and Tony venture to Nelson & Murdock, Attorneys at Law to bless the ink that they will need for their protection spell.

Things get heated between Steve and Tony, and Matt Murdock reveals a secret of Tony’s that leaves Steve stunned.

camping for three (ao3) - hopelessly_me clint/steve, bucky/clint, bucky/clint/steve T, 3k

Summary: Clint plans a camping trip so he can try to learn a little bit more about Bucky and if a three-way relationship is something that can work for everyone.

come on closer (ao3) - Epiphanyx7 steve/tony E, 4k

Summary: [[… porn.]]

Or, the one where Steve wants to talk to Tony about something important.

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have i changed? (ao3) - katling tony/stpehen T, 141k

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It’s an offhand comment that Tony wasn’t sure he was actually meant to hear. But he did and he doesn’t know what it means. Lucky for him, Rhodey’s got an answer for him.

hey, stephen (i’ve been holding back this feeling) (ao3) - hopelessrdj tony/stephen G, 11k

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it’s been a long, long time (ao3) - darling_highness steve/bucky T, 4k

Summary: Steve and Bucky on vacation…

once lost (now found) (ao3) - Teeelsie bucky/clint M, 40k

Summary: There’s a beat and then Phil says, “Clint, you don’t have anything to prove.”

And that stings, because, “If you think I’m doing this to prove anything to anyone, then you don’t know me half as well as I thought you did.” He hears Phil sigh on the other end of the comm. “Besides,” Clint tells him, “I’ll have back-up. I’ll have Barnes. Hawkeye out.” He reaches up and clicks off the comm, cutting off Phil’s continued objection mid-word.

Eight days these assholes have had Barnes and he’s not going to let them keep him for another hour, much less another day. He doesn’t have anything to prove, but he sure as hell isn’t going to give anyone any reason to question his actions, either.

shelter from cold (ao3) - torchestogether peter/wade M, 7k

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six feet apart but definitely gay (ao3) - hvllanders ned/peter G, 2k

Summary: or

Five Times Peter and Ned Fail at Telling People They’re Dating and One Time They Don’t

sky is clear tomorrow (ao3) - sketchnurse sam/bucky T, 5k

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space is for the birds (ao3) - hopelessly_me bucky/clint/steve T, 3k

Summary: Clint gets elected by Tony to travel to space with him to repair a spaceship, and all Clint wants to do is get back home to Bucky and Steve.

three men in a vw (ao3) - Brokenpitchpipe steve/bucky T, 3k

Summary: Steve steps back into the car and closes the door, lips still tingling.

“You don’t like blondes,” Bucky says.

Sam chokes.

trading in on our names (ao3) - pherryt clint/bucky T, 11k

Summary: Hawkeye and the Winter Soldier didn’t know each others identities. Being mercenaries meant secrets both inside and outside of the jobs. That didn’t stop either of them from admiring from afar, resigned to never going any further.

Then Clint and Bucky started dating and life got a little more complicated…

under stars (ao3) - vulcantastic steve/tony T, 14k

Summary: Commander Tony Stark, just kicked off the USS Expedition for mutiny, finds comfort in an ensign wandering the halls of the USS Quinjeti at 0400 hours. Southern comfort, no less.

who we are (ao3) - reclusiveq steve/bucky G, 3k

Summary: When Bucky comes home beat up, Steve is left to wonder why. His search for an answer will reveal a truth his friend may not be ready to share.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Poetic Tragedy (Part 11)

Pairing: Reader X Billy Russo

Warnings: Cursing, angst, sadness, substance abuse, mental health issues, mentions of sexual assault. This one’s a little dark and not really in a violent way (okay some of it is lmao). Just more the themes explored, I guess? 

A/N: There’s one more chapter after this one! I hope you guys have enjoyed this story as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it!!

—------------------

“Here you go, Tom,” you smiled brightly, handing the Agent his coffee and donut as you walked into the room. 

“Thanks, Allie,” he grinned, taking them gratefully before he handed you a magazine. It had been eight days since you started coming here and Billy still hadn’t woken up yet. You’d been buttering up the Agent, needing his trust for your plan to work. You’d figured out a way to get him out of the way when go time happened, because even though Billy still hadn't woken up there was no possibility in your mind that he wouldn't, and you needed him to trust you for it to work. You’d run your idea by Frank and he’d been impressed by it, and with his go-ahead, you’d started to work on getting the Agent on your side. Micro had found out some things about him. He came from a big family, loved sports and for some weird reason, had a thing for single moms. You’d carefully crafted a backstory for Allison White that was wildly different to your own, using some of this information to help your cause. You were the youngest of five kids to happily married parents. You always wanted a big family and ended up marrying your high school sweetheart when you were 18. By 20, you had two kids already. Only a year later, the asshole cheated on you and left you and the kids in the wind for the new woman. You’d been alone with the children since and worked hard to make ends meet. You were in the process of changing jobs but it had been hard to find one, so while you were between jobs, not wanting to sit around and do nothing, you decided to sign up to volunteer with Happy Helper Buddies. Your kids were staying for a month with their grandparents as your mom was sick and wanted to spend some time with them before it was too late. Another reason why you signed up to volunteer as the house felt so alone and quiet without them. He’d eaten all of it right up and you had him eating out of the palm of your hand. Now you were both on a first name basis, or more accurately, nickname basis. You brought him coffee and a donut every morning and he’d give you a magazine as a trade off.

 

You’d never read a magazine in your life and at first, you’d been confused why everyone was obsessed with these celebrities and their eating habits or shampoo. But after finding out you weren't too into celebrities, Agent Delaney had started getting you more lifestyle and dating-related ones and it was a little better. Being as sheltered from the world as you had been, you didn't know much of anything, much less relationships. So you’d read all the articles and the people writing in to the agony aunt section and found you learned a lot of shit. Mostly that you might actually have feelings for Billy more than a friend. You’d been clueless, not ever having a relationship before. Hell, you hadn't even had friends. And your only sexual experience had been your assault and then just you laying there wishing you were anywhere but there as Josh used you so you could get your fix. You had no idea about why your heart would race around Billy, or why your stomach would feel funny when he smiled at you or touched you. But now you had a feeling that it was because you liked him more than a friend. You didn't really know what to do with that information though, even if Frank had told you Billy felt that way too. It was hard to believe that someone like Billy would be interested in a homeless ex-addict, it didn't really make sense in your head. So while you knew now why Billy made you feel weird and why you liked his physical affections, you decided it wasn't important.

 

You moved to sit in the chair you’d claimed as your own, eyes glancing to Billy who didn't seem much different to the first day you’d gotten here. Some of his color had come back into his cheeks and you hoped it was a good sign. You’d really settled in here, a wolf among sheep. Even the doctors and nurses chatted with you as you charmed them with a smile and kind words. The nurses even let you use their shower facilities they had after you told them a bullshit story about your plumbing not working right. 

“How are the kids?” Tom asked, making you glance up from your magazine. Some of the articles were like mini real soap operas and you often found yourself getting sucked into them.

“They're doing good, spoke to them last night on the phone. They're having fun with grandma and pop-pops,” you grinned, rolling your eyes good-naturedly and making him chuckle.

“I bet you can't wait for them to come back,” he mused. You didn't know if he was genuinely interested or just hoping to score points with you since you knew he liked single moms. You still didn't understand why. 

“I know, I miss them so much. It's not the same without them here,” you murmured softly. It felt like time flew before you were once again leaving and on your way to the alley, another day where Billy was yet to wake up. You’d found out through talking to the Agent that he left not long after you did and he only waited until then so you wouldn't be alone with Billy as it wasn’t ‘safe’. Before you’d been coming, he left at 10 pm. You were a little surprised to hear that Billy was left alone at night, but then again, he was cuffed to the bed so it wasn't like he was going anywhere. 

The routine was always the same. You’d get to your alley and Frank would be there waiting for you and waiting for any updates, bringing food in a plastic container with him that Annie had cooked for you. You’d lied to him the first couple of days about eating at the hospital, but he soon called you out on your bullshit and started bringing you food. You didn't mind so much now, your appetite had come back after the shock wore off from what happened to Billy. You were still worried but you didn't allow your thoughts to stray into the morbid ones. You’d told yourself he would wake up and he would be fine and you would definitely get him out of there. Frank would always stay as you ate as you spoke about any new information or he just tried to make conversation. You knew he was tense over the fact Billy still hadn't woken up. It was only intensified by the fact that physically, Billy was healing quite well. This meant that when he did wake up, the window to get him out of there would be smaller and you knew for a fact that the Agent was eager to get Billy out of there as soon as possible. It would be harder now, more of a rush between him waking and getting him free. You’d do it though. Or at least, you’d do it or go to jail right along with him for trying. There was no way you’d give up without a fight. 

The next morning you got ready and headed out once again, stopping at the coffee shop like you always did and getting the coffee and donut for Agent Delaney. The line was a little longer today and you were getting impatient and anxious just to get to Billy. Despite trying to keep your thoughts positive, you kept having this recurring nightmare of getting there and his bed was empty. The nurse would come in and tell you he’d died in the night. You shook off the thoughts as you finally got served and rushed to the hospital. You greeted the receptionist with a bright smile as you scanned your card and sauntered down the hallway like you’d been there forever. But when you pushed open Billy’s door, you were startled to see he was sitting up and very much awake. It felt like all the air had been knocked out of your lungs as you blinked at him and he turned to you, visible confusion all over his tired-looking face as his dark eyes quickly swept over you and your current attire. 

“Mr Russo, you’re awake,” you smiled, the relief in your voice very real. Billy didn't say anything, just giving you this scrutinizing look.

“Don’t mind him, he hadn't said one word since he woke up,” Agent Delaney huffed. You turned to him then, forgetting he was even there. Facade back in place, you smiled at him, walking over and handing him the coffee and donut and gratefully taking the magazine.

“Thanks, Allie,” he grinned. You moved to set your magazine down on the table before you hovered at the foot of Billy’s bed.

“I’m Allison White, Mr Russo. I’m from Happy Helper Buddies and I’ve been assigned to be your buddy,” you explained softly, tapping the badge around your neck. His dark eyes drifted to it as he swallowed thickly with a nod. You still weren't quite sure what his mental state was or if there was any damage. Didn't know if he was catching on to your plan or if he didn't even recognise you.

“It’s Billy,” he muttered after a long moment, his voice sounding hoarse and raw.

“Seriously? You're gonna talk to her?” Agent Delaney scoffed, almost sounding like a petulant child. You almost whipped your head around to glare at him and your right eye twitched at the sheer restraint it took you not to. Billy had no such qualms though as his narrowed eyes glared daggers at the man in the chair and he had the good grace to avert his eyes from Billy’s scornful gaze.

“Can I get you anything, Billy? Some water?” you asked as your eyes darted over all of him, trying to figure out if he was okay.

“Water would be good,” he answered quietly. You nodded, rushing from the room quickly. Had he even been offered a drink since he’d woken up? There was a little water cooler right outside of the door and you grabbed a plastic cup and started to fill it.

“Really, Russo?” you heard the Agent ask from inside the room, he was met with stony silence though.

“You think I didn’t see the way you looked at her? You think she’d be interested in a piece of shit criminal like you? I mean, look at your face, man,” the Agent snorted. The plastic cup suddenly crumpled as your hand tightened like a vice around it, the water splooshing right out of it. You felt some curious eyes on you but you blew out a breath, trying to not get angry and blow your cover here. You tossed the useless cup into the trash before quickly filling another.

You breezed back into the room, trying to give Billy a reassuring smile as you approached the side of his bed.

“Don’t get too close,” the Agent warned and you turned and gave him an incredulous look.

“He’s handcuffed to the bed, how’s he supposed to drink?” you asked with a short tone. The Agent looked away for a moment and sighed. 

“He’s not safe to be around,” he replied tensely. 

“I don’t think we’re gonna have a problem, are we Billy?” you turned your eyes to Billy then.

“Nope,” he shot the Agent a dark smirk that you knew wasn't really helping the situation.

“Allie…” The Agent started, but you cut him right off, getting fed up with his bullshit.

“He can’t look after himself while he’s restrained like this. I’m here to do a job, Tom, so I’m going to politely ask you to let me do it,” you sighed, trying not to snap at him because it would only make you look suspicious. You knew he was only trying to look after you given he’d taken a shine to you, but you really couldn't care less about him. He shrugged as he shook his head, gesturing for you to go ahead and you turned back to Billy then who was looking between you and the Agent with dark eyes. You held the cup to his mouth and helped him drink and he did so greedily, the water gone in seconds. 

“You want some more?” you asked softly and he shook his head, hands flexing a little by his sides.

“How are you feeling?” you asked curiously, toying with your hands in front of you for a moment. He shrugged, not looking at you and you didn't like the lack of verbal responses from him. You still had no idea if he even knew who you were.

“Can I get you anything? Some more pillows? Or… do you need me to ask the nurse for some more pain meds?” you asked. You just wanted to help him, ease any discomfort he was feeling. 

“No… No thanks,” he muttered and you nodded.

“Okay, well… I’ll be right there if you need me. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask,” you murmured, gesturing to your chair. His eyes met yours then and your heart kicked up in your chest. But he didn't show any signs of even recognising you before he looked away with a sniff. You sighed and moved to sit in your chair, grabbing your magazine to keep you busy.

It was in the afternoon that the doctor came in, a chart in his hands. 

“Well, Mr Russo, all of the tests we ran came back fine. Honestly, I was a little worried there for a second but you seem perfectly fine,” the doctor smiled at Billy who was staring at his lap. You felt lightheaded from the relief of his words but the feeling was short-lived as Agent Delaney spoke up.

“So does that mean he’s free to go?” he asked, far too eager for your liking and you had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from snapping at him. The doctor turned to look at him then with a slightly disapproving look on his face.

“Not yet. I want to keep him in for a few more days just to make sure,” he answered, making the Agent sag in his seat a little. You felt a jolt of panic seize you then, you really wouldn't have long. The doctor left not long after and Tom smirked at Billy.

“You hear that, Russo? A few days and you’ll be all mine,” he grinned maliciously. 

“Tom!” you chided, frowning at him. 

“What?” he scoffed, but the look you shot him made him shift in his seat uncomfortably. You heard him muttering something about you being too soft under his breath but you chose to ignore it.

When dinnertime rolled around, with it being the first day that Billy was awake, it was the first time someone had come to bring him a meal. You jumped out of the chair, grabbing the tray from the woman with a warm smile before walking over to Billy.

“I ain’t eatin’ that,” he muttered tensely. 

“You need to get your strength up, Billy,” you warned, giving him a look. And you meant it too. You had to get him out of here and soon. He’d been unconscious for 9 days and he really needed to eat something. 

“You’re not feedin’ me like a goddamn baby,” he huffed, glaring at you. Your eyes narrowed to slits as you pursed your lips.

“You can’t exactly feed yourself right now and unless you’re planning on slamming your face into the food and hoping some goes in your mouth, you don’t really have a choice. I’m here to look after you so you’re going to let me,” you bit out firmly. He blinked at you for a long moment and you knew now that he did indeed know who you were so you didn't care about the heated look he was getting from you. You wouldn't budge from this.

“Fine,” he muttered, looking away from you. You tried to make each forkful of food large enough that it would be over with quickly. You knew it was his pride getting in the way and you wondered how different it might have been if the asshole Agent hadn't been in the room, watching with a sick satisfaction over the whole thing. Billy wouldn't look at you though and once you were done, you set the tray on the bedside table before moving back over to your chair. 

Billy didn’t utter another word then as time ticked on but luckily, neither did the Agent unless it was to try and make small talk with you. You were just grateful he was leaving Billy alone. When it got time to leave, you really didn't want to now Billy was awake. You hadn't even had a chance to let him know there was a plan in place to get him out of here since you hadn't even had a moment alone with him. You knew Agent Delaney had no qualms with using the restroom that was in the room as he’d done it before, but since Billy was awake it was like he was refusing to so you wouldn't be alone with him. You wondered how he hadn't pissed himself by now. When you stood up, grabbing the cardigan you’d taken off at some point and putting it back on, Billy’s dark eyes snapped to you.

“You leavin’?” he asked, eyes narrowed a little and a slightly panicked edge to his voice that only made you want to stay even more.

“My shift ends at 11, but I’ll be back in the morning,” you said with a soothing smile. He nodded, a small frown on his face as he avoided looking at you once more. You wondered what he thought about you being here, if he put together that there was a plan or if he thought you’d just snuck in to check on him. You left feeling heavier than before now you had to leave him behind but you couldn't wait to tell Frank he was awake. It was time to enact the plan and you had to do it quickly. The doctor had said a few days and for all you knew, that could be two or five, you really had no idea. And now the Agent knew he was okay, you wouldn't put it past him to use his authority to demand he get let out early. You felt anxiety eating at you as you walked to the alley you were staying in. You really hoped your plan worked.

The next day, your hands shook as you made your way into the hospital restrooms on the first floor, hurrying into the cubicle and locking the door behind you. You dropped the duffel bag you had with you to the floor and took the lid off the coffee cup, setting the cup on the closed toilet lid before grabbing a bag from your cardigan pocket. You glanced at it, trying to ignore how it looked a lot like something else. It wasn't that though, it was crushed sleeping pills and strong ones at that. You poured the power into the coffee and used the little wooden stirrer you’d taken from the coffee shop to stir it until it dissolved. You hoped it wouldn't taste much different but you weren't about to take a sip to find out. You took a shaky inhale as you put the lid back on, taking a moment to gather yourself before you grabbed the bag and left the restroom, making your way your way to the elevator. Your heart had been pounding since you woke up. You weren't built for this kind of shit but you were doing it for Billy. You plastered a fake and bright smile on your face as you scanned your ID card and made your way into Billy’s room.

“Morning, Tom,” you grinned, handing him his coffee and donut. You looked away as he took a sip, wondering how much he’d have to drink before it started to work. You honestly had no idea. 

“Morning, Allie. Here you go,” he smiled back, handing you the magazine. Billy’s dark eyes were narrowed at the man but went to you as you approached the bed.

“You need anything?” you asked, giving him a smile despite your nerves. You had a feeling he knew something was off though as his eyes searched your face.

“Nah, I’m good thanks,” he replied with a shake of his head. You nodded, making your way over to sit down with your magazine as you tried your best to conceal your shaky hands. 

“You got plans after your shift?” Tom asked, his eyes going to the bag at the side of you.

“Oh… I was thinking of staying at my parents, get to see the kids, you know?” you smiled sheepishly, not missing how Billy suddenly looked at you like you’d grown another head.

“Ah, I get it. Can’t wait for them to come back so you’re going to them, right?” Tom chuckled and you smiled and glanced back at your magazine. 

It was only minutes later when the coffee cup hit the floor with a splash, the lid popping off it and the coffee spilling all over the floor. The cup was joined by the Agent who hit the floor with a thud and you winced. You thought he’d just slump in his chair, not fall right off it.

“Wha-” Billy started, sounding confused.

“No time,” you bit out, jumping to your feet and crouching near Agent Delaney. You searched his pockets, smirking to yourself when you found the handcuff keys. You sprang back up, rushing to Billy whose eyes were rapidly flitting from the man to you. 

“We’re getting you out of here,” you murmured, quickly ridding him of his cuffs. He rubbed his wrists as he moved to sit up carefully with a groan.

“You shouldn't be doin’ this,” he muttered tensely. You knew he was worried about you being involved, worried you might get in trouble. 

“Well I am, so get the fuck up,” you shot him a look before you grabbed the bag from the floor and set it on the bed when Billy stood on shaky legs. You rummaged around, grabbing the black sweats, black t-shirt, his hoodie and some sneakers. You handed them to him before you rushed over to the door, cracking it open a little as you peered out of it. It was pretty quiet as it always was at this time, but there was one person you had to worry about. You hurried back over to him just as he was pulling his t-shirt on carefully and you got a glimpse of the four bandaged wounds on his torso. You had no idea how he was shot so many times and came out of it fine. You looked in the bag again and grabbed the knife out of it and Billy’s eyes widened a little. You paid him no mind, slicing your palm with a wince. It was only a small cut, not very long and not very deep.

“What the fuck are you doin’?” he hissed quietly at you, looking at you like you were insane.

“I’m gonna distract the receptionist. You need to hurry up, meet me in the stairwell,” you muttered, cradling your now bleeding hand. You didn't give him a chance to argue as you left the room, quickly shutting the door behind you.

You made a beeline for the reception desk and as she looked at you, her eyes grew a little larger. 

“Oh my god, what happened?!” she asked, standing up.

“I dropped the vase and tried to pick up the pieces, I’m a bit of a klutz. Any chance you got some of those large bandaids handy?” you asked, giving her a sheepish smile. 

“I’ll go check,” she said as she hurried into the little admin office behind her desk. You glanced around nervously and your heart skyrocketed when Billy slipped out of the room, his hoodie now on and the bag in his hand. His hood was up as he rushed down the hallway, glancing at you briefly before he made his way to the stairs. You shifted on your feet wanting nothing more than to hurry after him, but you knew it would look too suspicious. You didn't want to draw attention just yet. Whatever happened after you were gone didn't really matter. You’d used a fake name, no one knew who you were. The receptionist came out then with a furrowed brow.

“I’m sorry, I couldn't find any. Do you want me to find a doctor?” she asked, full of concern.

“No, that's fine, it’s not too deep anyway. I’ll just grab some toilet paper and see how it goes,” you shot her a wry smile before heading off into the direction of the toilets, only to rush to the stairs instead. You hurried down a flight, seeing Billy pacing.

“We need to go, Frank’s waiting,” you insisted, hurrying down the steps. He nodded, quickly handing you some paper towel he must have swiped from his room. You took it gratefully and pressed it to your hand as the pair of you all but ran down the stairs. When you got to the bottom, you slowed your pace so you didn't draw attention, Billy’s head down as both of you quickly left the hospital. You walked down the street a little, spying the black van on the corner like you knew it would be. Your heart was still hammering away in your chest though, half expecting the Agent to come barreling after you. You ran to the van, Billy opening the back doors as you both hopped in. He slammed the door shut then and the van started to drive away.

“About goddamn time, Bill,” Frank grinned from the front, glancing over his shoulder at him. 

“Was thinkin’ the same thing. Thought you were gonna let me rot in jail, Frankie,” Billy murmured, a tired smirk on his face as he held his body tightly. You knew he was hurting. 

“Considered it. But who the fuck would I beat the shit out of when I get bored?” Frank snorted, making Billy smile to himself. You heard the relief in Frank’s voice though.

“You alright there, Allie?” Frank asked you then, a smirk curling his lips.

“Fuck you, I’m having a minor heart attack here,” you practically whined, a hand over your chest as it almost beat out of your chest. Stealing you were fine with, dosing a Federal Agent and smuggling a known fugitive out of hospital not so much. The anxiety had made your head spin. But it was over now and you allowed yourself to relax against the side of the van, resting the back of your head on it. Billy was sitting opposite you and glanced at him, seeing him already blinking at you. You thought he might say something but he didn't.

 

When the van stopped, Billy moved to the door and swung it open, getting out slowly. His feet had barely touched the floor before Karen tackled him into a hug.

“Jesus, woman. I’m injured, remember?” Billy grumbled, although he didn't sound too mad. 

“I don’t care,” she sniffled, face pressed into his chest. You watched as you got out of the van as he brought his arms around her and hugged her back, holding her for a long moment. When she pulled away from him, she turned her teary eyes to you then.

“And you… we couldn't have done this without you,” she implored, moving to give you a tight but brief hug. You hugged her back awkwardly for a moment before she moved away, wiping her eyes. 

“I’m sure you guys would have figured something out,” you murmured shyly, not looking at her and instead inspecting the cut on your hand. It had stopped bleeding already so you stuffed the bloody tissue into your pocket.

“Nah, we needed you, Y/N,” Frank argued as he stood next to you. He gave you a meaningful look and you looked away, unable to take the weight of his gaze.

“Come on, the guys are dying to see you,” Karen beamed at Billy, grabbing his hand and dragging him off inside. You trailed behind slowly, arms wrapped around yourself. You were glad to succeed in your mission but now you weren't sure what to do with yourself. When you walked in, you saw Billy get swarmed by everyone who was happy he was back and you found yourself smiling. Billy seemed to be relieved to be back, happy even, as he talked with everyone, but he also seemed exhausted. You lingered around for a bit, unsure when would be appropriate to dip out. You wanted to speak with Billy but you weren't sure what mood he was in. When you’d left last time, it had caused a fight and your time with him at the hospital had been strained but you weren't sure if he was still upset with you or if it was because of the Agent. After a while, Billy approached you.

“Could you help me to my room?” he asked softly, a pleading look to his tired eyes. 

“Sure,” you answered with a small smile. You knew it was still very early but he looked like he could do with some rest. You wrapped an arm around his middle carefully and he wrapped his around your shoulder. You knew he was hurting, the whole escaping thing really not helping. But you also knew since he’d refused pain meds at the hospital, that also hadn't helped at all. 

You were slow going up the stairs and it took a while getting to his room. He opened the door and let you help him inside before your arm dropped from him. You’d never been in here before and your eyes swept around quickly. It was pretty much the same as your old room except with some pictures of him and Frank from the Marine days and some with what you presumed to be Frank’s family. It was weird seeing pictures of him without the scars, you’d never known him then. You didn't think he was any less handsome though. 

“You didn't need to get me out of there,” he said quietly, a small guilty frown on his face. You shrugged, nibbling your lower lip.

“I wanted to. Figured you’d helped me out so many times, it's only fair I return the favor, righ-” Your words were cut off because Billy’s lips were suddenly on yours, his hands either side of your face. It took you so wildly off guard that you tensed, standing there unresponsive. It was your first-ever kiss, it wasn't even like you had experience with that and you certainly hadn't expected Billy to want to kiss you, even with Frank and Dean’s words pinging around your brain. He pulled away quickly, his eyes wide.

“Shit… shit, I’m so sorry,” he muttered, shaking his head rapidly as he took a step back, hands falling from your face. You suddenly felt cold.

“Billy…” you trailed off, worried why he looked so weird.

“No, I shouldn’ta done that. I know you… you don't like to be touched and I fuckin’... I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he rambled, unable to look at you.

“It didn't make me feel uncomfortable,” you admitted softly, feeling the heat creep into your cheeks. His eyes snapped to you then, scanning your face like he was trying to solve a puzzle. You’d been quite happy to ignore your revelation of feelings for him before, but now he’d kissed you, you toyed with the idea of just coming out with it. The worst that would happen would be him not speaking to you, but since he’d been the one to kiss you, you knew that was unlikely. You knew all too well that life was too short to dance around stuff like this for nothing. You’d already almost lost him once.

“I figured some shit out in the 9 days I was there with you at the hospital. I care about you… more than a friend. I didn't really get it before, I mean, I’ve never really been through this before so it didn't make sense. But I get it now, why I feel the way I do around you. Why my heart beats all weird and my stomach flips around on me,” you explained as you shifted on your feet.

“You care about me?” he asked slowly, looking so astonished like his brain couldn't quite comprehend it. You nodded and tugged on the sleeves of your cardigan, feeling small under his gaze.

“I didn't really understand it, I’m still not sure I do if I’m honest. This whole thing is new to me,” you shrugged.

 

He closed the distance between you as he walked back over, his hand slowly coming to rest on your cheek. He leaned down, resting his forehead on yours and you felt breathless, the free-falling sensation hitting you once again. 

“I care about you too,” he admitted in a whisper. It made your heart stutter in your chest and your hand gripped the front of his t-shirt. His thumb stroked your cheek and he leaned in again, this time slower as if giving you a chance to move away. You didn't though. His lips touched yours once more and you allowed yourself to melt into him. When his lips moved against yours, you tried to mimic him, really not knowing what you should be doing. He pulled away, giving you a smile, his eyes bright as they shone at you. 

“We uh… we don’t gotta rush anythin’. I know we both… we both got our issues. We can just take shit slow, see what happens,” he stroked your cheek as you smiled at him, feeling your chest fill with warmth. He pecked your lips once more before moving away. He looked ready to drop where he stood and you smiled shyly as you bit your lower lip.

“Let’s get you to bed,” you murmured softly.

“What happened to takin’ it slow?” he asked mischievously and you snorted with a roll of your eyes. You helped him sit on the bed, kneeling to take his sneakers off for him before standing back up as he lay down.

“Will you stay with me for a bit?” he asked, dark eyes pleading and you were powerless to resist him. You pulled off your boots before climbing onto the bed on the other side of him. He opened his arm out to you but you frowned.

“You’re hurt,” you protested.

“Please?” he asked softly, blinking his eyes at you. You sighed, moving over to him and being as careful as you could to try and avoid hurting him as you lay your head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and both of you relaxed instantly. You weren't quite sure how this thing with Billy would go and you hoped he wouldn't get upset that it didn't mean you’d just be moving right in here. You hoped he understood you better than that by now. You’d take it slow like he said, see what happened. You were both damaged, both had a tonne of baggage. It was slightly scary to think you finally found someone to care about you like this, that you cared about him. Getting attached meant you had things to lose and you didn't think you couldn't stand to lose anything else. But the feeling also filled you with a sense of happiness at the same time. You felt like you’d finally found a home and it was with Billy.

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@ariesbutalibra

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

[storiesofsvu]

Journey to the Past Ch 15

Bryan Kneef x reader Warnings: language, office gossip, Bryan being an idiot, it's the beginning of the angst besties.

This should go without saying... BUT, my works are NOT to be reposted on any other sites, especially not without my permission. If any of my lovely followers see anything *anywhere* but kattwyllie on a03 please let me know. love you.

Covers the "first fight" square for @resanoona 's bingo!

You were spending another half day at STR, and honestly at this point it was to avoid doing your actual job and instead consulting with Diane. You’d decided to take Catrina’s case, Mike had finally decided on a lawyer and they were a shark, you weren’t about to pass off the case to a public defender. You knew it was going to be a huge climb and fight every step of the way, so rather than think about it too hard, you ended up spending your morning gossiping and spit balling cases in Diane’s office. You let out a sigh when you realized your coffee cup was empty, turning to the other woman,

“You want a refill?”

“Please.” She passed her mug to you, “if they have any good snacks make sure you snag some.”

“As if I wouldn’t.” You laughed, grinning at her as you left the room and wandered down to the break room.

The space was split, one side was a cozy lounge, couches, chairs and tables where you could eat lunch, take your breaks and the like, a large wall that didn’t reach the roof or either wall separated the space, completely blocking the view of the other side depending on which door you came in from. You were on the side with the fridge, coffee machine and a couple of more uncomfortable tables, moving through the room quietly. The coffee pot had previously been emptied and a fresh pot was brewing as you walked in, so you were more than happy to wait, tugging out your phone to pass the time. You could hear some conversation on the other side of the wall, Liz’s voice prominent over the other ones as she laid out a series of instructions to the younger new hires or transfers before she left the room. There was a moment of silence before one of them spoke,

“You really think she’s gonna come make sure we’re back at work in twenty?”

“I hope not.” One of them let out a groan, “I’m with spawn of Satan today and I’d much rather hide in here all day.”

“Don’t you think he’ll come looking for you?”

“You kidding? He doesn’t even leave his office to get his own coffee.”

“Is he really that bad?”

“Yes!” Multiple voices groaned in response.

“He made me cry three times my first week.”

“He made me cry three times my first day.”

“He threw a stapler at my roommate when she worked here.”

“Just be glad he’s finally managed to hold onto a girlfriend, he’s probably in a better mood.” Someone commented, “hey Kelsey, you used to be over at Toney, did you know her?”

That caught your attention, your ears perking up as you started to actually pay attention to the conversation.

“Kennedy?” A voice you actually recognized replied, “I was her paralegal.”

“So is she some psycho demon bitch too?”

You did your best to hold back the laugh at that, rolling your eyes as Kelsey started to talk again.

“No! She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Wouldn’t want to go up against her in a court room, but… she’s way better than that.”

“Are they actually dating or did they just go to that fundraiser together?” Someone asked and you shook your head, you had no idea that showing up with a plus one was going to cause this much workplace gossip.

“I heard they’re together.”

“I heard he doesn’t actually date, just fucks around.”

“So she’s the not settling down type too? Just fucking her way around Chicago? I mean, props to that.”

Kelsey laughed, “as far as I know she hasn’t dated at all in the city, she’s never brought a date to a gala before. She was married for like, eight years or something before they split and she moved here to get away from the creep.”

“Okay so she’s got commitment issues too, they’re made for each other.”

“I disagree.” A voice cut in, “I don’t know her as well but she’s so nice, how could someone like her be meant to be with someone so vile?”

“She probably doesn’t know.”

Your head shot up at movement from the doorway you’d come in, worried you were about to be caught eavesdropping but it was just Diane. Your finger shot to your lips immediately nodding in direction of the other side of the wall, her brow raised a near smirk taking over her lips but she nodded.

“Okay so like, yeah he’s an asshole, but has he actually ever fucked someone over?”

“He’s gotten people fired for nothing, and the amount of people that quit because of his horrible treatment? It’s insane.”

“Don’t forget about the time Diane caught him fucking that associate in his office.”

“That’s it!” One of them exclaimed, “it’s gotta be the sex, that’s why she’s with him.”

“Okay she’s better than that.” Kelsey defended over the chorus of laughter.

“Carly, what’d you think?” Someone asked with a smirk in their voice and you heard one of them scoff.

“We hooked up in the bathroom at a Christmas party like five years ago…. But yeah, ten out of ten.”

“Okay, but wait, her and Diane are friends and she despises him, don’t you think she would have said something?”

“Maybe he’s got her all Stockholm syndromed.” One of them commented and laughter burst through the area again.

“Well, she’ll learn her lesson eventually.”

Diane pinched at the bridge of her nose, though the small grin on your cheeks told her you weren’t offended and were rather enjoying hearing the conversation. Still, she loudly cleared her throat and you could feel the tension on the other side of the wall before she stepped around it, raising a brow to the group.

“Don’t you all have better things to be doing right now?”

“Yes Ma’m.” Was the resounding reply, sounds of the group scrambling to leave the room through the other door.

“You know you really didn’t have to sit here and listen to all of that.”

“Please.” You laughed, finally reaching for the coffee pot now that it had finally brewed, “what is it the kids are saying nowadays, they were just spilling the tea.” Your phone buzzed, then buzzed again, and then buzzed one more time, you picked it up and swiped open the messages before letting out a sigh, “and my plans for the rest of the day just got wiped.”

“New case?”

“Yeah.” You sighed, popping a lid on your coffee before pouring out a second one, “looks like I’ve got to go do my actual job, I’ll see you next week?”

“Yeah.”

She gave you a brief nod as you hurried from the room, quickly collecting your things from her office and pulling on your coat before you crossed the firm to knock on Bryan’s door, lingering in the doorway until he’d looked up from the computer.

“You taking off? Thought you were avoiding your office.”

“I was. But it appears I’ve got a potential new client and am needed back there.”

“Boo.” He feigned a pout and you chuckled, moving through the room, placing the extra coffee down on his desk. “What’s this?”

“Figured I may as well since you won’t get it yourself.” You said with a tease and his brow furrowed, “oh, and hey, can we reschedule dinner on Friday? I’ve got a thing.”

“Sure. Saturday work?”

“Thing goes all weekend, next week?” You winced and he let out a soft sigh but nodded.

“Course.”

“Thanks. You’re a gem.” You ducked to kiss his cheek, “I’ll see you then.”

Bryan watched you leave the office, the blooming moving through his chest and for the first time in weeks he didn’t reach for the antacids, simply let out a huff of a smile and reached for the coffee you’d brought him. He was curious what your ‘thing’ was this weekend but was hopeful it would come up in conversation sometime next week. He knew now that whatever feelings he was having for you were similar to those ones all those years ago, and that he was starting to realize he didn’t want to waste anymore time without making it official that you were his.

*

Bryan was sauntering into your firm a few hours later, he figured that if you were rescheduling this weekend’s dinner he could maybe take you out tonight, especially if you were stressing over a new client. The place was about half empty, it was early enough he knew he’d catch you considering you worked late but late enough that the higher ups and slackers had already taken off. He approached your office door, unsurprised your assistant was still at her desk outside of it,

“She’s not in there.” She commented, barely looking up from her computer as Bryan stalled.

“Meeting?” He asked, raising a brow in the girl’s direction.

“No.” She let out a weary sigh, finally looking up at him, “left about an hour ago with a Mr. …. Monson?”

“New client? Partner?” Bryan asked, his brow raising.

“No.” She shook her head, “I think I’ve seen him a couple of times but I couldn’t be sure.” She shrugged and Bryan did his best to hold back his attitude (it was your place of work after all) he knew the girl hadn’t been working for you very long, she certainly wasn’t privy to his relationship with you. “Think they went to dinner.” Her attention directed back to the screen in front of her, “seemed to know each other, he was cute, super nice, brought coffee for me, even gave her flowers.” She nodded in the direction of your office and Bryan could see the elaborate bouquet of lilies sitting on your spare table.

“Uh, alright. Thanks.” He nodded, “I’ll give her a call tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” She called back as he started to walk away, clearly disinterested in the entire interaction.

Bryan felt his chest bubbling once again, though this time it felt completely different than the past couple of times it had the similar feeling when you were around. He couldn’t exactly sort out his thoughts as they ran wild through his head, they were so fast he could barely hear them. So he did what he always did when he needed to calm down and clear his head, he got back into the car and found the closest reputable bar.

He needed a drink.

*

A few hours later and you were happily finished your meal with Nate at The Grillroom Chophouse and Wine bar. Appetizers of oysters, scallops and bruschetta followed by a main course of filet mignon and seared salmon. You’d spotted the pulled pork mac and cheese on the menu and had to order a side of it to go for Bryan, knowing it was one of his favourites, and took a dessert to go. You felt bad about having to shift things around on him this weekend and figured the least you could do was bring him some food on a night he was probably having bourbon for dinner.

You let yourself into his apartment with the key he’d given you and couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you locked the door behind you. Leave it to Bryan to be using the living room TV to watch porn full blast on a Wednesday night. Letting out a soft sigh you wandered down the entry way, whatever he was watching the girl was seriously overplaying it, then again… when weren’t they? You rounded the corner into the open space of his apartment and this time the gasp was quiet, but audible and you felt the surge hit you like a brick wall.

Bryan had her pinned to the kitchen island fucking her from behind. She was stark naked, facing away from you as she continued to wail, Bryan himself had only bothered to take off his suit jacket and pull his cock out of his pants, pumping harder into her. You weren’t entirely sure how to react, your mouth opening before it closed, your lips pursing and you crossed your arms, leaning against the wall.

“That’s it, such a fucking whore you are.” He grunted, “take it like you deserve it.”

“Yeah?” Your voice broke through the air, “and how do you deserve it.”

If you hadn’t been feeling about every other emotion in that moment you would have laughed at how lightning fast they tore apart, Bryan not even bothering to take the condom off before shoving himself back in his pants while the poor girl struggled to find something larger than a dishtowel to cover herself with.

“What’re you doing here?” He panted out.

“Is this your wife?” She shrieked, “are you fucking married?!”

“Ohohoho… no.” You laughed, “but I was clearly stupid enough to get involved with him. God!” You dropped the take out bag on a side table, your hand running over your face, “I should’ve listened to Diane, should’ve believed the shit I heard about you!”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, the conversation overlapping as everyone’s pace started to pick up, firing lines back and fourth faster than a courtroom had ever seen.

“What in your right mind thought it was okay to fuck someone else?”

“You were on a date!” He fired back and your brow furrowed.

“What? No I wasn’t!”

“And we never said we were exclusive!”

“Oh…” you stalled, feeling the regret balling up in your throat, “so this is on me then, I guess I’m just the fucking idiot for not realizing that. Sorry. I thought the moment we stopped using condoms it was pretty fucking clear we weren’t sleeping with other people.”

“What do you mean what Diane said?”

“I should go…” the girl muttered, feebly attempting to gather her things.

“Yes.” “No!” The replies came from you and Bryan in the same moment.

“Based on everything I’ve heard in the past week he’s still going to want to get off, and I’m certainly not helping him out.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Your reputation Bryan!” You shouted back, “it precedes you.”

“Who were you out with tonight if it wasn’t a date? Your assistant said it wasn’t a client.”

“Nate?” You barked out a laugh, “Jesus Bry, control your fucking jealousy! He was my senior partner when I first moved here, got me up on my feet and going in the legal world.”

“Then why the fuck was he bringing you flowers?”

“Wow, you really are obsessive aren’t you.” You rolled your eyes, “because he knows about my divorce and was trying to make my day a little brighter.”

“If you’re so torn up about a divorce that happened seven years ago maybe you shouldn’t be dating in the first place.” He shot back, an annoyed tone in his voice and you stalled, your voice hard but quieter.

“Wow. You must really not listen when I talk. It was seven years to the day. Seven years ago I walked into my perfect little brownstone that I’d bought with my perfect husband to find divorce papers on the kitchen island because he’d knocked up his mistress. I guess it makes perfect sense that today I’d walk in on you fucking someone else.”

Bryan felt his heart sink into his gut, he’d completely misread the entire situation and missed out on some crucial information at the same time. If he’d been thinking straight and not so caught up in his head about where you were and who you were with he never would have been with someone else, or at the very least had remembered you had a key and gone to her place.

“You really are the spawn of Satan.” You growled, “go fuck yourself Bry.” You turned on your heel and were gone from the apartment before he could even move from the kitchen, frozen to his spot on the floor. A million emotions were swirling through his body, clouded by the booze and the desire to chase after you but he knew better, the more he pressed this right now the more you would hate him.

“I…should I go or…?” The girl murmured, now fully dressed, he’d nearly forgotten she was even there, turning to her with rage in his eyes.

“Get the fuck out!” He yelled and she quickly scampered out of the apartment with a squeak. Once he heard the door shut he let out a frustrated yell, before he could even process it he was turning towards the wall, his fist leaving a large indent in the drywall.

He’d had everything he’d ever wanted and now he’d gone and royally fucked it all up.

He winced, shaking out his punching hand while the other ran over his face before his gaze dropped to the bag you’d left on the side table. Curiously he opened it, finding his favourite version of mac and cheese and dessert inside and felt the burning deep in his gut. You’d been out there thinking about him and how to make his day a little brighter while he’d completely ignored how hard today must be for you and had found a distraction in someone else.

Great.  

Just something else he had ruined in his pitiful excuse of a life.

_________________________

 @detective-giggles @plaidbooks @thatesqcrush @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @bisexual-dreamer02 @amelia-song-pond @madamsnape921 @whimsicallymad @mrsrafaelbarba @mysticfalls01 @ssaic-jareau @caracalwithchips @barbasbodaciousbeard @alwaysachorusgirl @beardedbarba @michael-rooker @rafivadafreddy @lustvolle-liebe @anlin2058 @fandom-princess-forevermore @tinyboxxtink @alexusonfire @xovalliegirlxo @nobody-important1212 @somethingimaginative17 @momlifebehard @misscharlielulu @fighterkimburgess

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Strangers To Lovers (2) Masterlist

part one

And Action - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) luke/calum, past michael/luke, michael/ashton E, 24k

Summary: Calum won’t lie about it. His Best Friend’s Boyfriend’s Ex-Boyfriend is super cute.

a new sensation (ao3) - strxngersagain luke/calum G, 16k

Summary: Calum needs a date for his sister's wedding, and Luke has never been to Scotland.

cake topics (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum E, 39k

Summary: Every morning that week, Calum goes back to the bakery, collects his lemon bar, and sets up on the terrace with his laptop.

And every morning that week, he sees the tall guy with off duty model vibes, right around the same time, always carrying his iced coffee, always wearing a leather jacket. Since he’s all the way across the street, Calum doesn’t really get a good look at him beyond basic shapes, so the off duty model thing is based entirely on his build and the fact that he looks sort of effortlessly put together with his leather jacket and casual sneakers.

That’s probably why Calum waves like a maniac and blurts, “Hey buddy!” when he comes face to face with the guy when he’s in line for his lemon bar the following Monday morning.

cream, no sugar (ao3) - strxngersagain luke/calum T, 15k

Summary: Calum loves his job.

Travelling so often is just a side effect of his job, and of the promotion he’d been given almost six months ago. One perk of all the back-and-forth he does in order to keep his fancy new title of Senior Project Manager of Copyright & Publishing is: Luke.

Luke is a flight attendant who works for United Airlines. When Calum’s lucky, he’s a flight attendant on the flight Calum is on, to wherever his next hotel room turned conference room is located. He’s been lucky more often than not lately, because Luke has been on every flight that Calum has been on for the past eight weeks.

food porn (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum E, 24k

Summary: Hi Cal,

Is Cal too forward? It feels it but I don’t know if that’s your full name or not so I’m going to stick to it.

I feel like I need to actually craft a proper thank you and I’m sorry if this is oddly personal, I’ve literally never written a thank you email to a blog before, is this how you’re meant to frame it?

I literally can’t cook for shit, I’ve never learnt how. My mum keeps saying that I’ll never amount to anything if I don’t learn (I have a job), so I’m trying but I’m still well, pretty shitty. I feel like I need to thank you for all your service so far in making me a more adjusted man, you have no idea what presence you’ve had in my life over the past six months. I’ve made so many of your recipes I’m basically your biggest fan.

go for miles (ao3) - strxngersagain luke/calum, michael/ashton G, 11k

Summary: When Calum had bought tickets to Glastonbury Festival with his ex nearly a full year ago, he never imagined he would have ended up going alone. The very messy breakup of a nearly-three-year relationship pushed any and all thoughts of future-plans to the back of his mind. He had almost entirely forgotten about the tickets tucked into an envelope, if he was being honest with himself. It wasn’t until an email dropped into his inbox with the subject: ‘We can’t wait to see you!’, reminding him that oh shit, they had bought tickets together and oh shit, that’s in like two weeks.

He spent the better part of the afternoon sitting on the living room floor trying to figure out what to do with his ticket. It was too late for him to transfer it to someone else, he couldn’t sell it because it had his name printed on it, and he didn’t really want to lose out on the £300 he spent on the damn thing by just not going. So, he decided then and there that he would go alone. Ex-boyfriend be damned, he’d have a great time even if he was by himself.

i let my guard down for a moment (wherever you go, i'll be going too) (ao3) - burstintocolor (anchormate) luke/calum, michael/ashton M, 14k

Summary: or; luke has a career crisis and gets a job at a bakery. calum is a beautiful baker. you know how it goes from there.

just dance (gonna be okay) (ao3) - kingscrossinseptember michael/luke T, 1k

Summary: Michael doesn’t have the fear of elevators falling that so many of his fellow college students have. He understands why the fear comes from; elevators are small and there is the possibility of getting trapped in one, even though it would most likely be for a very short amount of time. But Michael’s done his research and knows that it’s practically impossible for modern elevators to go into free-fall, and he’s pretty sure that considering how many people an elevator is designed to hold, it’d be very hard for anything he does while alone to have an effect. So, whenever he finds himself alone in an elevator while listening to music, he’s more than happy to use the opportunity to have a mini dance party.

low light, no risk (ao3) - bellawritess luke/ashton T, 2k

Summary: “Drinking to new friends and, uh, hot guys,” Luke says ineloquently, eyes skipping over Ashton’s face. His cheeks are so flushed, hair just starting to grow mussed up from the humidity of all the people. The image of Ashton running his fingers through it flashes in Ashton’s mind, and he tries to banish it as quickly as possible. That’s just — that’s unproductive, is what that is.

“Sure,” Ashton repeats, smiling. “New friends and hot guys.”

My tongue gets tied (ao3) - heart_is_gonna_flatline calum/ashton, michael/ofc N/R, 8k

Summary: Calum has always had a speech impediment that makes him stutter, and he hates it. When he meets Luke who immediately assumes he's mute, Calum just decides to go along with the lie.

But you can't lie forever, can you?

not like the others (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum T, 6k

Summary: “Luke?” Something about saying it feels nice, the press of Calum’s tongue against his teeth on the L, the way his lips purse slightly around the U, the satisfying sharpness of the K at the end. Refreshing.

Michael nods, lifting onto his toes to scan the crowd, then pointing towards the fence between Calum’s and Jack’s yards. “Over there. Can’t miss him. Huge, looks like Jack.”

Calum scans the cluster of people by the fence until he zeros in on the one unfamiliar face. He makes a strangled noise and murmurs “holy fuck” under his breath.

off track (ao3) - galacticsugar, kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum E, 113k

Summary: Calum’s bumped into exes before, of course, but not all his exes are Luke Hemmings, who’s the sort of person that Calum had gotten used to the idea of never seeing again. And Calum had long since reasoned that it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t see him in the flesh ever, because Luke Hemmings is an itch in the back of his brain that never quite goes away, that he’s never been able to scratch, the someone that features in his dreams when he lets his subconscious take the reins.

He’s Calum’s the one that got away.

see ya later (ao3) - onewayride luke/calum T, 5k

Summary: Calum and Luke meet at a laundromat with hopes to see each other again, and the universe doesn't disappoint them.

silver lining (ao3) - toddamyanderson luke/calum M, 15k

Summary: “Hey, man. You alright?”

Luke jumps at the deep voice sounding from behind him. He spins around to face it, one hand clutching his camera in case he’s about to get kicked out for being in the wrong section when he is, in fact, meant to be here, as a registered photographer.

But when Luke turns around, there’s just one guy there, lounging on a small stack of boxes with one leg hitched up for him to sling an arm over, exuding calm confidence.

He’s clearly a model.

SOS Hungry night (ao3) - heart_is_gonna_flatline luke/calum, michael/crystal M, 18k

Summary: Or, Calum and Duke meet Luke and his food truck one night, and Luke can't seem to leave Calum's life after that. Not that Calum complains.

trusting you (ao3) - lifewasradical luke/ashton, background michael/calum E, 38k

Summary: He clutches a sparkly acoustic guitar in one hand, baby blue painted nails biting into the strings as he waves at the crowd and settles onto his stool. “Hello,” he says, voice swaying from a deep register to a higher head voice with one single word, elongated through a crooked smile. “I’m Levi Halloway, and I’m here to play a few songs for you tonight,” he says, plucking a chord as he straightens his shoulders. His shirt strains over the length of his wingspan.

Ashton would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued already, drawn in after only a handful of words. He’s seen more random performers than he can count, mostly no name aspiring artists who just want someone to listen to them. Half the time they’re good enough to get a rousing applause at the end, while the other half of the time everyone has left the sitting area before they finish their set.

Other than Ashton of course. He always stays until the end.

voice of reason (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum T, 5k

Summary: Luke’s definitely, absolutely, 100% sure he’s not addicted to the voice of the guy on his sleep podcast. 

when the party ends (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum E, 30k

Summary: Sadly, Calum is going to have to buy this bottle of wine. Is he torturing himself unnecessarily? Definitely. He can’t even really make himself feel pathetic about it, though. He’s fully aware of what he’s doing. Of why he misses Luke so much. Of why drinking this wine alone in his apartment is a bad idea. Even without Luke actually being present, Calum is using him.

a heaven, iowa songfic.

will we talk? (ao3) - strxngersagain michael/luke E, 4k

Summary: Michael tries not to make a habit out of having one night stands.

Sure, he’s had his share of a few no-strings-attached hookups in his otherwise relatively uneventful dating history. But he’s found over the years that it usually just tends to make him feel worse, waking up in the morning to an empty bed at worst, or an awkward conversation and a hasty exit at best. So, Michael has set his sights on not sleeping with anyone until he’s known them for at least 48 hours, at minimum.

So far, it’s gone pretty well.

Until he meets Luke, that is. 

You Know J'adore La Mer (ao3) - heart_is_gonna_flatline luke/calum N/R, 9k

Summary: Luke lived in France for the six first years of his life before moving to London. At seventeen, he moves back to France with his parents, leaving his country and the swing he loves so much. He meets his childhood best friends, and some things might have changed.

[percontaion-points]

TBWSIMBW chapter 6

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 6

“Date? But…. I mean…. what? I thought he was your brother’s best friend! You don’t even like him; you always say he’s a man-whore asshole. Whenever I’ve said to you about how hot he was, you just said that you wouldn’t touch his STD ass with a bargepole!” Justin said, frowning, and looking at me confused.

I only… We are in chapter six. There are EIGHTEEN more chapters after this. I have such a huge headache. 

“What if I said I didn’t believe in having sex before marriage?” I asked, testing him.

 His eyes showed his amusement, but he just kept his face straight. “Then I’d say how about we get married as soon as you’re old enough. Eighteen is the legal age, right?” 

Ignoring the fact that it’s two years until she turns legal… 

That’s kind of a huge red flag. Somebody who wants to wait until marriage is probably not looking to rush into a marriage simply to have sex! They’re looking for actual love and commitment… not simply a roll in the hay. 

“No, Angel. The reason I went with all those girls was to try and get over you. I wake up next to you every day. You send my mind and body into a frenzy. I can smell your hair when I close my eyes, or I can imagine how your hand feels when you lay it on my chest. It kills me every day to be so close to you, but be so far away,” he said, shaking his head and taking a deep breath, looking at me hopefully. “I thought maybe if I met someone else that I’d be able to stop thinking about you, but it didn’t work. Nothing works. When I’m with them, I wish it was you. When they laugh or talk, I can’t help but compare it to your voice or your laugh. It’s always been you; it’ll always be you, Angel.”

I’m sure that there’s some super naive girl out there who completely and utterly fell for this.

However, I’m sitting here like “Wow, using sex to try and get over the girl that you can’t have sounds healthy. …NOBODY IS FORCING YOU TO SLEEP NEXT TO HER, DINGUS!” 

“I said that my mom and dad are going away for the weekend so do you think it would be alright if I just slept at yours tonight and tomorrow night? I don’t really want to stay on my own,” she said in a small voice. I looked at Liam and winced. If Kate stayed over that meant that he couldn’t, because she slept in the camp bed on my floor. 

[...]

“The whole weekend? I don’t get to sleep for the whole weekend?” he whined, as soon as I had shut my phone. 

Oh boo-hoo. Learn some fucking coping mechanisms, you co-dependent psycho. 

Since I was eight years old I had only ever spent a few weeks away from Liam, like if one of us went on vacation, or one time he had chicken pox and I had to stay away from him for four days.

I don’t know about the infectious period of chickenpox, but four days seems INSANELY short. 

I knew that Liam didn’t sleep at all when he wasn’t with me. He literally laid there awake, not being able to get comfortable. He always said that his bed felt strange because he hadn’t slept in it since he was ten years old.

Again, this is bizarre co-dependent behaviour, and it’s super unhealthy. 

He immediately jumped out of his chair and bent down next to me, taking my face in his hands and kissing me, not seeming to care where we were or if people were watching. I took the initiative this time and traced my tongue along his bottom lip, he opened quickly and I slipped my tongue in.

The other people eating Chinese food, begging them to please care a little more about where they are. 

“I promise I will never cheat on you, ever. I’ve waited too long for this chance; I’m not going to screw it up.”

This is how you know that this is 100% a wish fulfilment story: the fuckboi was only a fuckboi because he couldn’t stick his dick inside of you! He’s going to be completely and utterly faithful and will never ever think about another girl ever again! 

Say what you will about stuff in grown-up romance novels where the guy’s a notorious fuckboi… The female lead sets out to change him, to force him to settle down… But at least the author has to tackle the idea that “he’s a fuckboi because sex is simply that great.” 

[The waiter] handed me the receipt and bent down next to me so we were at the same level. He put one hand on the back of my chair and one on the table so I was trapped. My heart started to race. He was too close. “So, I’ve not seen you around here before. I definitely would have remembered a face as beautiful as yours,” he said, his eyes were boring holes into me, as he looked like he was imagining me naked.

EXACTLY HOW DO YOU MISS THE 15 MINUTE LONG MAKE-OUT SESSION?! EXACTLY HOW BIG IS THIS CHINESE RESTAURANT?!

 It was so natural that it was almost too easy.

Chapter 6 summary: After Amber changes out from her wet clothes, she goes to meet Liam in the parking lot. Liam cheerfully announces to the other members of Amber’s dance team that he’s taking Amber out on a date. Justin is naturally worried about Amber’s mental state if she agreed to this date. But Amber is like “Lol whatever!” and goes skipping off with Liam. 

At the restaurant, Liam tells her that he only slept around because he was pining over her. Amber grills him that he’s not actually interested in sex, only being with her romantically, to which he agrees. The entire thing is bizarre, and I’ve said what I said about all that. 

Amber’s friend, Kate, then calls to talk about the movie that she wants to watch with Amber and the other friend that night. Amber starts to have a panic attack at the thought of watching Dawn of the Dead, but Liam is like “I’ll protect you!” However, Kate then asks to spend the night, since her parents are out of town. Amber agrees, knowing full well that it means Liam won’t be able to sleep with her. Liam gets grumpy over that, because as I said, the dude is incapable of functioning on his own. 

They then make out for ages in the middle of this Chinese restaurant. Then Liam is like “I’m going to use the toilet. If the waiter comes with the check, use my credit card.” The nanosecond he’s gone, the male waiter shows up, and instantly starts hitting on Amber. In the most unhinged and predatory way imaginable. Naturally, this means that Liam shows up to chase the asshole away. 

[phawareglobal]

Thekla McGinley - phaware® interview 484

Thekla McGinley, a PAH patient and advocate, shares her journey with pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH) and the changes she has witnessed in the treatment options and education for medical professionals. She emphasizes the importance of raising awareness and ensuring that patients have access to proper treatment. Thekla also discusses her role as a support group leader and encourages patients to communicate with their doctors to advocate for themselves in order to receive the best care.

My name is Thekla McGinley, I’m from Bryant Arkansas. My connection to the PH community is I am a PAH patient. I have been for, oh my goodness, I think it’s 11 years now. I am a Support Group Leader in Central Arkansas and I’m an advocate for PAH patients. At the very beginning, there were five medications to help us. I started on one and then I was on two. I think now there’s over about 12 FDA approved medications. It’s been quite interesting to see the changes in the education for doctors and nurses, and any medical professional that gets to help us now. I’ve said before, I’m not afraid to go to an emergency room anymore or a doctor, because I’m not afraid of them killing me for not knowing what I know or having to teach them. I’ve been very fortunate to be able to go in and help educate some medical professionals, also.   It’s been quite the ride. I have seen such a change and I’ve seen people be able to live with this disease so much better than we were able to when I was first diagnosed 11 or so years ago. I keep saying I’m eight years past my expiration date. I’m excited for what’s in the future for us. I think I’m going to get to see something out there where this is a livable disease. I’m sad that it’s taken so long, but I’m very excited to be able to see something like that.   I’d like to say that I did my first phaware interview, I think I was number 63. I’m not a hundred percent sure on that. Since then, and I said at the end, I’ll say it now, the first year I was diagnosed, I waited to die. I waited a whole year to die. The second year I was pissed. I was pissed at everybody. No one could say or do anything right. The third year, I put my foot down and decided to do something about it, because I was going to advocate for myself because I wanted to live. I did not like what this disease had done to myself and others. The way it brings on a depression and a loneliness because it was so misunderstood, and don’t get me wrong, it’s still misunderstood.   Part of my journey was to make sure no one had to go through what I went through to get a treatment available. Now, there’s so many different options that are FDA approved. It’s amazing at the things I’ve seen. I actually don’t feel as bad about the disease as I first did. I’m not a hundred percent with it, we’re not best friends. It does run my life every day, but we’re getting to know each other a little better I guess I could say.   I did have a lot of anger because of the people who weren’t understanding the disease because they’d never heard of it. I just decided that no one should have been treated the way I was, by friends, family, and medical professionals. So I decided to start talking and not shut up and just start talking about the disease anytime someone would listen to me. It’s just not right that someone with another disease that’s more known has all of these availabilities to them to help cope with everyday life and someone that gets diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension doesn’t because it’s so rare and people don’t know about it. I’m here to change that, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do. This has got to be known, so people don’t sit there alone and think everyone’s saying, I don’t have anything wrong with me. I don’t look like I’m sick, and they don’t understand the severity of what it could be and do.   The first time I met a person with PAH, it was actually in a Facebook group. That was the first time I felt connected maybe, and she’s passed on now. But I did get to meet her at the first conference that I went to in 2016. I decided that I needed to be more aware of what was going on and meet more people. I did go to a few meetings that they had in different parts of Arkansas, but nothing in central Arkansas. It was okay, but it was a lot of older people who had secondary PAH. They were different. They were different from what I was experiencing and had to go through. I got a hold of the Pulmonary Hypertension Association and asked them about the need for a support group leader in Central Arkansas. That’s when they told me that there was a need. I just said, sign me up.    At my first meeting, the first person who came, came about 30 minutes early. She hadn’t met another person either who had PH except for a family member. They had it familial. You just hold hands and we cried, because we could tell that we knew what each other had going on inside our emotional brains because of this disease. It’s such a connection to meet someone who understands what you’re going through, because nobody else can understand it. Your caregivers can’t understand it. So it made me want to educate and get more awareness in Central Arkansas, of course. So people again, didn’t have to go through the hardships of trying to get diagnosed and trying to have treatment.    For the first three years I had to go out of state, and that’s not right. That’s not right at all. I had to come back in state because insurance wouldn’t cover me anymore. So it’s been hard, but no one should have to go through that. We should have stuff right here for us, fighting the insurance companies, fighting the oxygen companies and so on and so forth, and the nurses and the doctors, but I’ll do it for anybody.    One of the key moments that changed the game for me, I had been a support group leader for a little while, maybe a year. I became friends with a lot of the drug reps who supported our meetings. A couple of them called me and said, Thekla, you’ve got to meet this doctor. He wants to treat PH in Central Arkansas. I said, okay, whatever, I heard that before. I mean, I was so desperate. I went to a doctor who wasn’t even affiliated with a hospital because I was so desperate to have local treatment, and that was the worst mistake and only lasted a couple of months.   But anyway, they had this doctor that wanted to come and I said, okay, let’s have him come and talk to us about PH and just see what it’s all about. He was the very first doctor who came in and explained how pulmonary arterial hypertension affects the entire body from your head to your toes, and everything in between. No one had ever discussed that with me, although I knew some of it, and no one had ever discussed that with the patients that were in my support group. That was one of the things that this has got to get out there, this information and education has got to get out there to people and their caregivers so they know that this is not just one thing, whether it’s heart or lung. It’s a lot of things and they need to know how to have it treated, and they need to know where to go and be treated.   One of the best feelings in the world is to walk into a doctor’s office and say, “I’m on this pump for pulmonary arterial hypertension.” And they go, “Oh okay, I understand. How long have you had that?” What, are you kidding me? You really know what this is about? Just getting it out there, having some of my family realize the severity of this disease has been eye-opening. A few friends who realize it and know that I can’t just get up and go sometimes. I have to have a little planning. Can we just get up and go to the lake? Nope, I need a couple hours before I can do that. I got a lot of stuff I have to take with me. My doctor has gone from 70 patients to hundreds of patients with PH now, and knowing that that many people have been helped is just amazing and that they’re getting proper treatment is just amazing to me. I’m so happy that I could be a part of the journey.   When I went to the PHA convention in 2016 in Dallas, I volunteered because I was on scholarship, so of course I was going to volunteer. I’ll do anything. I volunteered to hand out the shirts and a lady came up to me. We did the same thing, we just looked at each other and there was a connection. We grabbed hands and her name is Yanny and she’s from Puerto Rico I believe, she lives in Florida now, but we’re still friends. We couldn’t even really communicate with each other at that time. But we held hands and we cried and we hugged, because the emotion of knowing these two people from different parts of the world knew exactly what the other one was thinking, because of the emotional stress that you have to go through with this.   That’s happened several times, several times. I try to be an ear for a lot of the people in our support group who have bad days and just listen to them and tell them it’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to get angry. It’s okay to cry. Please do it. This is like going through stages of death, because your life is completely different from the way you knew it. You have to do it differently. It’s not going to change everything. You just have to find different ways to do it. But it’s okay to feel bad about it for a little while and seek help, talk to anybody.   I portray that everything’s good. For the most part, it is. I have a beautiful life, but I’m very scared. Actually, at this minute right now, my body’s going through changes and we’re having to change some of my medication, and there’s some more health scares that have come up that we’re waiting to find out what’s actually going on. I’m scared what tomorrow will bring. I worry if I’ll be here two years from now to see my grandchildren start school. I do worry about that, but I try to live every day and have fun the best I can. Tomorrow’s not guaranteed for anybody, but if I’m going to be here, I’m going to have fun. I also keep saying, I think I’m going to see this as a livable disease. It might be too late for me to take the medication to make it a livable disease, but I’ll know I was a part of it.    When someone gets diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension and you have to start talking to your doctor, you have to complain to them. No one likes to complain, but you have to, because that’s the only way they know the symptoms that you’re going through and if your medications are working the proper way for you. Just anything, a slight rash, you have to let them know what’s going on. That’s the only way they know if you’re on the right dose and the right types of medication. Don’t be afraid of being a complainer, because this is the one sickness, illness, disease that you have to complain about what’s going on. You just have to. You have to have the will to live. Make sure you can get along with your doctor and you feel safe with them.    I’m Thekla McGinley, and I’m aware that I am rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Follow us on social @phaware  Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware Share your story: info@phaware.com

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