#I’ve listened to it twice now
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Oh, a new musical you say?
It’s really good you say?
The final Saga just came out? Well why not? I’ll give it a try!
…
*gets thrust down an Epic the musical rabbit hole resulting in me listening to the entire thing in one sitting*
I HAVE WATCHED ANIMATICS AND CAST CONTENT AND I NEED MORE
I DIDN’T KNOW EPIC EXISTED UNTIL THREE DAYS AGO
#I’ve listened to it twice now#And learned about its existence three days ago#I enjoy it immensely and I think my brain has something fun to do again 😁#Epic#epic the musical#jorge rivera herrans#epic the ithaca saga
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Note to self DO NOT listen to achilles come down while writing patrochilles I was inconsolable for like an hour and I’m not even sure if what I wrote makes any sense but fuck me is it full of emotion
#picture me in the pitch black of my room illuminated by nothing else but my laptop screen#ugly crying and typing while sniffing and sobbing and taking periodic breaks to hide my head in my hands and curse at god#that’s what I’ve been doing tonight#I listened to it TWICE#because I HATE MYSELF APPARENTLY and also I felt SCARED AND LOST WITHOUT IT PLAYING#I’m better now tho I’m fine#y’all this new chapter of katabasis#you don’t even wanna know#patrochilles#achilles come down#achilles#patroclus
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if there’s one thing about me it’s that i’ll listen to very long podcasts because hot dykes told me they like them
#i’ve done this TWICE this year#which isn’t a LOT but yknow#it’s so funny because i’ve also realized that whenever i DONT have a podcast to listen to my life just falls apart.#i miss spring though that’s when the stars RLY aligned#cuz i was listening to a podcast and i also had a LOT of stuff to do that just required my hands#so i got soooo much done#because i have a way smaller room now i’m not rly able to do like. sewing rn. which was my main spring activity#arambles#but yeah i feel like it’s such a fun way to communicate that you care abt someone#oh hey you said you like this thing so i spent hours and hours listening to it. i love you ^_^
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surprise art attack!!! here’s @deityofhearts ‘s cashmere, everyone’s favorite whimsical tiefling
#pose taken directly from the kikuomiku4 album cover bc i’ve been listening to UFO on repeat for idk how many days now#finally gave me the inspiration i needed to do something like this it’s like both sad and super whimsical#actually tbh it gives me more wishful vibes now that i think about it but 1. idk what wishful looks like and 2. cashmere design my beloved#kikuo just in general has a lot of whimsysad and/or fundark which is why i love him#tbh ufo has quickly shot up to one of my fave songs it’s the iconic accordion and the tempo being unstable in places#uh anyway ignore me being a kikuo nerd again#wahhh this was fun to work on it has consumed me these past three days#jumping up and down hehehehehe#glad i finally cut to the ‘it’s done *collapses*’ stage of the arting process bc i’ve been having trouble finishing pieces lately#man i WISH i could come up with poses this good on my own. idc i’m still proud of this#my art#ok yeah i just got the time total. 12 hours#i knew it would be a long time but i didn’t think that long#tbh a lot of that was spent inefficiently bc i kept having to resize the image up when i realized the pixels were too crunchy#and when you make an image bigger the lines get blurry so then you have to redo them. yeah i had to do that TWICE. like a dummy.#12 hours used to be like par for the course for me but i’ve finally gotten faster. or maybe i’ve just stopped doing as many full figures#lol
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throwback to that time when I was in my first year of high school and I got a concussion while listening to ex-wives from six
#I was roller skating lmao#Since then I’ve actually seen the musical twice and I’ve listened to the soundtrack like 100 times and I just remember this NOW#Fun fact: I’m not allowed to roller skate again bc the concussion was that bad lmao#a feral child talks
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I owe so many of my friendships to Taylor and I’ll always be so grateful to her for that
#she’s enriched my life so much#between the friends I’ve made here and the friends I made in the swiftie club at my university#and even one of my close friends who I met through bumble bff because we both referenced Taylor in our profiles and matched because of that#and she’s made my friendship with my best friend even closer and stronger#because I got her into Taylor’s music and she’s a swiftie now and we talk about Taylor all the time and listen to her songs together#and we went to the eras tour together twice which just the best experience in the world#my life wouldn’t be the same at all without Taylor and it’s wild to think about#and I’m so so grateful to her
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anyone else ever get like emotionally dependent on a certain hyperfixation? like your main and nearly only source of joy comes from that thing and content for it and it’s like the main thing you think about or that’s in the back of your mind all day? and it’s like you’re so dependent on it, and you’re aware of it, to the point where it’s like you’re blissful but also deeply sad at the exact same time when thinking about it or consuming it? it’s like a bone deep euphoric melancholy… and it’ll consume you for a while until you slowly become less dependent on it. and it’s like you don’t get to choose when that is. it just happens. either slowly or all at once. maybe another hyperfixation takes it place or something. anyway, yeah, i get like that sometimes. never know how long it’ll last.
#right now it’s trigun for me#if i’m not listening to the music or looking at the spiky husbando i’m in despair#i’ve watched my fave scenes from the show several times in just the past few days#watched the show like twice in the past week#it would be more if i didn’t have a job. but i still gotta adult#but like i’m super aware of it this time which is almost worse#so i’m trying to control myself#i need to chill#but it’s not easy#played some genshin last night just to keep my hands busy and my mind off of it#this happened to me six months ago with one piece too#was totally blissful until it started making me sad and then it was both#so#yeah i’m simultaneously happy and sad#weird feeling#like an out of body experience or something#anyway#interview with the guardian
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Hooded Sorrow statue at Verano Cemetery, Rome
Needed to do something after ep43 and this seemed fitting so why not.
#dont know how to draw shoes#or arthur apparently#but as always hey-ho#ill learn soon enough#cried a worrying number of times since the ep dropped and I’ve listened to it twice now#OUGH it still hurts a lot#but Glastonbury started today so im busy with that#no_ojos_art#malevolent#malevolent fanart#malevolent pod#arthur lester#traditional art#artists on tumblr#john doe malevolent
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I got another hobby.
#prince text#prince learns crochet#it’s so bad#I’m so bad at it#but damnit if it ain’t fun#the only bad part is that I was so particular and fretting learning the loops that my hands got rlly tight#first and worst hand flare up since I moved to Washington#but I think it’s exacerbated bc I’ve been doing two hours of gesture drawing a couple times a week lately too#and one of those times was today#so my hands are done with me rn#they’re like BITCH STOP WE GET IT U CRAFT#WATCH A MOVIE PLAY POKÉMON LEAVE US BE FOR A FEW HOURS FOR FUCKS SAKE#ok guys I hear u#anytime I learn something like this I need twice as much patience and to be shown over and over again#but now I know it’s dyspraxia and not me just being Bad at listening#or moving#LMAOOOO
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And when I thought things were finally fine and had calmed down my roommate starts sending me shelters because he wants me to get rid of my cat 🙃🙃🙃
#‘she’s peeing on my stuff 😡’#listen I get that that sucks#but also…. we had a system in place that got her stop#I get putting cat spikes on the couches was mildly annoying but guess what#she wasn’t pissing on them anymore#and tell your bf to stop leaving your bedroom door open if you don’t want her to piss on your bed#like ?????#I know he’s stopped doing these things because the bf finds them mildly inconveniencing#sorry I’m not getting rid of my cat that I’ve had for almost four years and who got rehomed TWICE before I got her#because you have to put in a tiiiiiny bit of effort#‘she pissed on my shoes 😡’#she has literally never peed on shoes before I guarantee you it’s because I left for a weekend and she’s anxious#fucking calm down#you could also just not leave your shoes by the door#he already rehomed our rats because he found them annoying which I feel bad about#I didn’t fight him much on that one because they were more his than mine so if he wanted to make that decision whatever#but hell no I’m not taking my cat to a fucking SHELTER fuck you#‘she drives me insane tho’#okay well your fucking boyfriend drives me insane and you’re not seeing me demand you take him to a fucking shelter so lol#GOD this is not what I wanna deal with when I get home#and it’s just pissing me off cuz I get it’s annoying#but we’d gotten her to stop mostly and now it’s started again because of things 🙃🙃 the fucking bf is doing 🙃🙃#so like this is your own fault and you’re expecting me to get rid of my baby because your bf can’t be assed to slightly alter#how he likes to live which is apparently being allergic to just keeping the bedroom door closed#jfc#kaz rambles
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she’s making me want scars and bruised knees and bloody knuckles again
#this is about#ethel cain#i’m spiraling i’ve listened to her whole spotify discography twice today it’s too good#she’s changing me as a person right now#i can feel it in my bones#also i’m safe btw#in case you were wondering#it’s the aesthetic#not the actual want#but damn if a scraped knee wouldn’t look good on my polaroid rn#anyways stream ethel cain#daughters of cain
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Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long
#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally#not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously#making strides towards regular person sanity#and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS#I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and#won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you#like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than#you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry#like god#she just doesn’t fucking get it#I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one#when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever#severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now#but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back#off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to#god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult#and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me#she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it#okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax#we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun#we’re not going to argue about this again.
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unsurprisingly the podcast i binged constantly while working this summer is my number one despite the fact i stopped using spotify to listen to it like halfway through campaign one. also unsurprisingly the rest are mcelroy podcasts
#empty bowl is what i often use to fall asleep too so i’ve listened to all of it twice now lol#share ur top podcasts on this post if u wanna#who knows maybe i’ll pick another one up#<i absolutely should not do that i have so many i’m still catching up on#spotify wrapped#podcasts#idk why i tagged that do people actually look at that tag instead of their specific podcast tag#naddpod
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Idk how welcome home has overrun literally all of my social media but I guess I welcome it
#talkingcore#I love puppets it’s all on me I’m engaging this actually isn’t a complaint more like a I Didn’t Know This Existed 24 hours ago#and now it’s literally all I’m seeing like 80% of the videos I’ve seen today have been welcome home which like honestly is super impressive#hell yeah to those creators they’ve got some insane drive#album adventure update: finally rolled good ol honorary Beach boy Glen Campbell maybe I’ll give you guys ram ranch#pip would’ve loved ram ranch 💔 rip king fly high 🕊️🧍♂️ 18 naked cowboys 😭 at the ram ranch 😰#I’ve been fucking around with lip syncing shit and it’s tedious as hell but heeehee it’s fun woooah the mouth moves wooooahaaahhhhhh#also this dude keeps leaving his Apple Watch in the practice room in my dorm and like thankfully I’m such an amazing and perfect person#that I didn’t take it the first time but the second time (like 2 weeks later) I said fuck it and just used it while it was still in there#(I’d checked at 2. saw it was there. didn’t use it. came back at 5 it was still there so like a reasonable amount of time to get it)#so I fucked around as normal but like I started getting freaked by the possibility of it listening (it probs wasn’t)#so I left but like bro how do you forget it twice why are you taking it off#I gave it to the help desk people which I think was the right thing to do but also Dude think how easily I could’ve stolen it please keep it#no longer dying of the plague but I need to hang onto my t boy swag pleasepleaseplease let me keep at least some lower notes#I will accept not hitting a G2 again but like. a C3? even just a D3 like regularly? please? please? please? hello? you’re nothing#anyway I’m avoiding my work you guys should look up The Beach Boys and Charles Manson have a gander at that for fun#thanks to my lovely institution having a strike going on by mid Thursday I’m done for the week which means I get to indulge and boy shall I#love you 🫶 go slay 🫶 have great vagina 🫶 byeeee
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#having a Bad Day#one of my bosses was talking to me about classes i should take next year#and gave some helpful ideas about taking trial advocacy and pretrial lit#which. i do plan on taking the latter sometime next year#but both of those classes would severely mess up my entire course schedule and probably wouldn’t allow me to work twice a week at the firm#but i ofc don’t say that i just nod and agree and say thank you. they don’t need to know what classes i’m taking#and then my head boss talks to me after and says they are suggesting these courses bc my analysis writing has gotten worse since i started#and that he noticed i don’t have a ‘passion’ for this work#so . great. now i feel god awful. not about what they think about me but more about whether or not i’ll be able to keep a job here#and like normally i would not care but. i NEED this job i NEED the money#i pay for my mom’s mortgage and i have loans to pay off + just! normal general things to buy! and GAS!#without this job i’d have $240 a month roughly from my other job which is next to nothing#idk what i’m doing wrong. this job is such a ‘trial by fire’ and i’m sooo intimidated by my bosses#and i’m cheery and i don’t complain and i listen and i smile and i work quickly#and sure i make mistakes but i try! i swear!#if i don’t have this job past the summer idk what i’m going to do i’ll be so fucked#putting all of my eggs in this one basket. already committed to this summer but if they don’t want to hire me after graduation#i will be jobless. i have no network. i spend all of my time working or at home bc i live with two disabled people an hour+ away from campus#and i don’t have the time or energy to do anything else#i’ve dealt with soooo much worse in my life idk why i’m freaking out so much rn#i would give anything to call my grandpa rn for some advice but .#…. haha anyways . great weather we’re having
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hitchhikers guide good :)
#I’ve read it…… twice I think? listening to it on audio now#I’m 24 years old but I simply need a bedtime story
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