#I’ve just been having issue with the app I use to make them

[story-book-sillies]

Give me some random fandoms and I’ll make an outfit thingy based on how I would dress in that universe as a regressor!

[remxedmoon]

your friends don’t know what to do.

so!! i redrew every single enemy in the game. in the span of like 9 days (excluding the king i made him right after the last update). that’s abbbout 79* drawings total, with only 3 custom ones for once!! i’m so normal. as always, these are free to use with credit!! go nuts!! spritesheets are included <3

got some notes under the cut, along with As Many Enemies As I Could Fit without making this post obnoxiously long. and i failed. i had to swap between the app and browser several times and i still couldn’t fit every drawing. open this post at your own risk (silly).

okay so first of all. what’s with the asterisk. well. I Drew A Lot More Than 79 Assets Actually. they’re getting posted separately, because this post is ABSURDLY long. you can find most of them in the miscellaneous folder, but for a bit of clarity, i added the teleport map and a bunch of ui elements that reference sprites from the icon sheet. and also the game over and loop back animations but i haven’t finished the spritesheets for those because they’re a pain in the ass so they’re not in the drive yet

if you missed my complaining a few days ago, a few enemies might look a bit crunchy in the actual game? specifically, calamité and désespoir were drawn at the wrong size, because their images in the files do not match the spritesheets! i avoided the issue with most of the other enemies, those two just blindsided me. sorry about that!

^sadnesses having inconsistent designs was actually a running theme with these. détresse rock has an unused design in the files (which i managed to catch before having to redo it thankfully), anxiété has extra spikes that don’t appear on the spritesheet (sorry i was too lazy to fix that one), even the version of the friend rescue in the files doesn’t match any of the frames in the spritesheet. hfjfhfj. sorry about the quality issues.

tangentially related to that, massive thank you to @riggedbones for grabbing the individual frames for the animations for me!! they made my life so much easier. vs friends would’ve been so annoying…

speaking of the animations! hi can you tell i’m not an animator. these were my first time doing Anything animation related since, like, middle school. super sorry for the Jank in some of these! the friend rescue looked way better when i drew it 💔💔.

bourdon’s hands also might act a bit odd, my apologies. the sizing ingame is SUPER inconsistent (why is one of the hands SMALLER than the other????). once i’m able to actually test the mod, i’ll try to fix it wauaua.

the 3 custom sprites are for the triplets! i ended up making two versions for each, one that follows the ingame art, and one with my personal designs for them. i like my own designs for them, but they’re a lot easier to tell apart? so if you want to use the ones that fit the gimmick better, they’re also in the drive 👍

this update. was originally going to have way more custom art. i’ve actually got an act 6 siffrin enemy asset in my art program! but school started and i decided it’d be better to just get the normal stuff done. so the mod can actually come out in a reasonable timeframe. promise that’ll all come out Later! sorry about the wait 😓😓😓

also adding this because i almost forgot: no i don’t know if these are compatible with sasasaap. i don’t have the game still and it’s not my main priority atm, apologies!

okay! that was a lot! and there’s a ton of art down here! thank you for reading all this, i’ll be back with the game over animations and teleport map pretty soon! like. within the weekend. enjoy!!!

[haikyuupaladin]

TLDR; don’t give tumblr money until they start making visible improvements towards accessibility

I’ve seen a few posts around about something people are calling crab day where you’re supposed to gift the crab button to your mutuals to support Tumblr financially. Please don’t participate in this unless Tumblr starts making noticeable improvements towards accessibility between now and then. It’s been 5 months of me trying to get the bare minimum of accessibility for photosensitive users or even just find out who I can talk to to get anywhere, and Tumblr is refusing to make any changes.

@photomatt has doubled down on the suggestion that you should just pay for ad-free or install an ad-blocker instead of listening to any of the suggestions photosensitive users have repeatedly made. Please do not give money to Tumblr until they show a commitment to accessibility because they will continue to ignore our requests if it doesn’t impact them financially.

Some of the requests we’ve made are:

1. Allow us to disable autoplay on browser as well as the app. This is an accessibility feature, not a data-saving feature, and should be treated as such.

2. Include ads in disabling of autoplay, along with other formats that currently get around the autoplay feature. Currently even if you have autoplay disabled you can still end up with flashing lights in your face every few posts from ads.

3. Improve the reporting process for strobing ads. The quick reporting process doesn’t provide good options to ensure the person reviewing the report realizes that it’s being reported for flashing lights so you have to hope they agree it’s either malicious or offensive and don’t just brush you off as abusing the report function. The more complicated reporting process involves getting a screenshot and the link that the ad brings you to, which requires lingering on the ad, which if you’re trying to report the ad for your safety, is dangerous. You can also still get the same ad 10 times a row after reporting it until it’s been reviewed. Which again, presents a danger to users.

4. Add a community label for flashing lights. Flashing lights are commonly untagged or mistagged, even sometimes maliciously. It would be extremely helpful to the photosensitive community to be able to add a warning to a post that doesn’t have one.

I’ve talked a lot about the photosensitive community in this post because that’s what I have personal experience with and what @photomatt has explicitly come out and just said to buy ad-free about, but there are definitely other accessibility issues that need to be addressed as well (like the alt text function needing improvements to make it accessible to users who need it and don’t use screenreaders, or the fact that a lot of tumblr official stuff still doesn’t seem to use the alt text feature themselves). Please feel free to add on accessibility issues I’ve missed in the reblogs.

[hyuny-bunny]

seasons // series

summary: your bestfriend minho just wants you to see how desperately in love he is with you

warnings: fmc, use of she/her/hers, speculum, obgyn procedures, cussing, mentions of knotting and heat, omegaverse au

part ii here

There was something so uncomfortable about being in an OBGYN’s exam room. Maybe it was the sterile and cold feelings of the rooms or the stirrups that resembled some sort of fucked up medieval torture device. Don’t even get started on the cold metal of a speculum, how far medicine has come, and yet there was no technological evolution that had been made yet that would make the entire experience of a vaginal exam any easier. Sitting up straight in the exam chair and waiting for the doctor to come back was nerve-racking, the small voice in your head that was screaming at you that you were perfectly fine was being drowned by the humming of the doctors' office and fluorescent lights above your head. When your doctor finally walked in with the manilla folder that held your results, you let out a small sigh you didn't realize you had been holding. She sits in front of you on a stool, blue jeans accompanied by a blue stripped shirt and her lab coat. She was fairly young for a doctor, but it brought comfort and reassurance when you first became her patient. Her glasses were pushed back on her face, tortoise shell frames complimented her eyes and brunette hair.

“Well your results looked good, you tested negative for any sexual transmitted disease or viruses. You’re the picture perfect ideal for someone your age but I do have one concern with your results.”

Well fuck.

“You said your last heat cycle was about a week ago but your pheromones are too high for my comfort. Are you spending these heat cycles with an alpha or anyone at all?”

You tense at the question knowing that the answer you’ll give will be less than satisfactory.

“No, I’m not mated and I’m not seeing anyone… I’ve…” You pause as she gives a sympathetic look of encouragement to finish the sentence. “I have been with anyone in the last year and a half so I’ve been spending my heat cycles alone or… taking heat suppresents.”

You can see the gears turning, if she was shocked or appalled by the idea of you taking heat suppressants at your ripe age of 23, she didn't show it. She clears her throat as she begins to speak.

“While there is nothing innately wrong with ‘heat suppresents’ it does present an issue that someone at your age who has been sexually active in the past is trying to suppress those cycles. For young teen girls at 16 to 19, it's perfectly okay, their bodies can handle the postponement until they choose to become active. For someone like you, it's like to trying to put the lid on a boiling pot of water thinking it’ll bring down the heat but it will only make things hotter to the point that it overflows.” She pauses to check that you’re following along. “That’s what they do to your pheromones, your body will eventually become resistant to the suppressants and cause your body to go in overdrive to compensate for what it's missing.”

You knew this was a possibility but being smacked in the face by the reality of it made all that more unfortunate.

“So what do I do?” She takes a moment to let out a sigh she had been holding as well.

“Find someone to spend these heat cycles with. Neglecting your body of the one thing it needs naturally will only create more problems down the road.”

Getting fucked was one thing but getting knotted because your body needed it was an entirely different thing. You cant help the groan that escapes you.

“By no means am I telling you to go find the one person who you will mate with for the rest of your life, but at the very least find someone who can offer you support during these cycles. I’ve heard wonderful things from other patients about these apps-”

“I’ve tried those alpha finder apps… I won’t give the nitty-gritty details but my experience was the most unfortunate of them.” 

She tenses her eyebrows.

“For the next 6 months, find someone to spend your heat’s with and let your body detox the suppressants. If in 6 months, you haven't found a healthy solution, we will come up with a new plan. Okay?”

You can’t help the look of despair and defeat on your face but you give in reluctantly.

“Okay.”

“Good, I’ll send in a nurse to give you your birth control shot before you leave and set up the next check-up.”

“Thank you, Doctor Kim.” She gives you a soft smile before the nurse comes in to give you your shot.

It had been about 2 years since you dumped your ex and over a year with no sex. With the gravity of your situation looming over your head, you call your closest confidant and friend, Felix.

“Hello?”

“I’m gonna fling myself down a set of stairs” He chuckles at your response.

“So what happened?”

“In short, my doctor said I needed to get knotted and share my heat cyclces with someone. Had to resist the urge to go on a rant about how every alpha I know is misogynistic shit that only cares about getting a knot in with no regard for the omega they’re with. She even so much as suggested those omega seeker apps…”

“Oh don’t be so pouty, you know those heat suppressants were bound to catch up eventually.” He was right, he had said it from the start and ever since.

“What am I gonna do?” You ask almost a bit pathetically.

“Why don’t you ask Minho hyung?” 

“Why would I ask him when I’m talking you?’ You ask in genuine confusion but you can hear Felix role his eyes.

“Because he’s an alpha dummy. I’m sure if you asked he would help you.”

“I can’t ask him!”

Minho was your childhood friend and childhood crush. You two were next-door neighbors, spending every moment together, almost to the point that most people thought you were dating. It was a natural assumption for as much time as you spent together. It was a shock the day you learned he had presented as an alpha as much of his family and you had assumed he would present as a beta given his family’s long-standing streak of male betas. He stepped into the role with ease, he had gotten stronger in build and grew into his features, something about his eyes remained boyish in an endearing way that made your heart flutter every time. Much of his family and your own thought the two of you would end up together after you had presented as an omega, what a shock it was to them when had brought his first girlfriend home that wasn’t you. Much like you, he didn’t have the greatest track history in dating, he had only had two girlfriends that were semi-serious. 

“Why not? For as long as you two have been friends, I’d think you’d be comfortable enough to ask him..” 

“I can’t ask him… besides I’m pretty sure he has an omega side piece that he spends his ruts with so I’m sure he’s got that going for himself already.” It didn’t bother you but a part of you held a sliver of jealousy for whoever that omega might be.

“I can poke around and find out if you want?”

“No… It’s alright.” Felix was the only person who knew how much you pined over Minho.

“Suit yourself. You know, come to think of it, theres a club not too far from campus that does Omega Night, might be good stomping grounds for you to start?”

“Sounds like a nightmare… You think Han will come?” 

“Already asking” He says a little too proud of himself.

“You're the best Lix.” 

“I know! Talk to you soon.”

He hangs up the phone as you wait in the lobby of the doctor’s office as you wait for Minho to pick you up. He comes into the clinic to make sure you're okay and walk you to his car, you can’t help clenching your teeth seeing the girls inside fawn over him as he walks you out.

“How did it go?”

“Good… Mostly.” He you to the passenger side as he cocks an eyebrow at your response.

“What does that mean?” You sigh as he asks the question.

“In short my doctor said I need to find someone to spend my heat cycles with.”

There was a small pause before his head whipped around, something in his eyes you couldn’t quite detect. 

“As in..?’ “As in she wants me to get knotted.”

“Oh… So what's the plan?” His response was only slightly fazed and maybe it was the suddenness of the answer to his question or maybe it was the fact that his mind ran wild at the idea of you finally looking to him to be the one to help you through your heats.

“I’m not sure, it's not like I have an assortment of alpha’s on speed dial to help me but Felix suggested that maybe I try seeing whats out there for me, we’re supposed to go out Saturday night for ‘Omega Night’. I despise the idea but I’m running out of options.”

He pauses for a moment thinking about the possibility of you going home with another alpha, someone who was just looking for a quick fuck with no regard to your aftercare or even caring about your overall well-being. “Just you and Felix?” His hand grips the steering wheel tighter as he tries to hold himself back from shouting ‘PICK ME! CHOOSE ME!’ until you finally got the hint that he would do anything to be the one to care for you the way you deserved if you gave him the chance. 

“No Han is coming to, we might convince Changbin to play pretend body guard if needed.”

Just ask me

“Do you want me to go? I’ve heard some horror stories of pushy alphas at those clubs.”

While true that he has heard these stories, its mostly been told to him by classmates sharing their wild times.

“No it’s okay. I know you don’t really care for the whole club scene anyways.”

But I care about you god damn it.

He lets out a small huff and hum, finally pulling up to your apartment complex. It was one of the nicer ones around the University neighborhood. He parks the car getting off to open your door.

“Do you want to come up? We can hang out for a bit.” You ask him looking at him with those sweet eyes, he shouldn’t.

“No, I got some errands to run but I’ll call you tonight. Get some rest you look a little tired.”

He pushes back a strand of hair from your face tucking it behind your ear, it never fails to make your heart flutter. He’d done it so often it shouldn’t have phased you but it did.

“Oh yeah, um, call me later then,” His hand smooths your cheek as he pulls away reluctantly, and you turn to make your way toward your apartment. It took every bit of self-restraint from him to not call after you, to not walk you up to your place, to not take you up the stairs, toss you down, and spend hours making you scream his name.

He calls Changbin as he pulls away from your place.

“Changbin,”

“What’s up?”

“Felix and Y/N are gonna call you to ask if you’ll go out with them tomorrow night and I need you to go.”

“What? Why don’t you go?”

“She didn’t ask me, but I need you to go and make sure she doesn’t go home with anyone let alone some fucking asshole that wants a quick knot.”

part ii

[soov]

IF YOU ARE AN ENHABLR WRITER, PLEASE READ THIS.

tw : very brief mentions of pedophilia, grooming, homophobia and sexual harassment.

hi! i’m rei and i’ve been writing for enhypen since 2022 (this is my second account revamp), but i’ve been lurking around enhablr since 2021. i’ve noticed some misguided words, especially from new enhypen writers due to recent events, and decided to make this post, so please make sure to read thoroughly.

first of all, i want to painfully break it to the ones who started their accounts in 2024, who thought that enhablr was a safe space, and tell you that it is not one. it has NEVER been one.

now, i’m not saying that to make you disappointed and want to quit, but simply to tell you the truth behind it all. i think there was an illusion created around this community, behind the pretty themes and fluff works, that blinded the people who weren’t actively a part of enhablr, and had just joined us.

in 2021 we had blatant pedophilia with the 02z, brief moments after they debuted, when they were just 18. the community was still a bit messy since enha was a rookie group and fresh out of i-land.

in late 2021, and especially 2022, we began seeing enhablr take some form, but with it, we got a terrible like to reblog ratio and some plagiarism. late 2022 had more pedophilia again, now with sunoo, who had just turned 19, and had adults posting nsfw works for him on the day of his birthday. plagiarism began getting strength and many writers had both their works and banners / layouts copied.

in 2023, during the very start of the year, we had more pedophilia cases. this time, with writers. a grown man with an account named mintchocolatesunoox verbally harassed many minors with sexual asks and threats. we also had a 30yo writer named luna interacting constantly with minors and treating them in a way that crossed boundaries.

we had cases of homophobia with writers avoiding and blocking other lgbtqiap+ writers and reasoning it with their religion. not only that, but we also had another adult jumping into conclusions when a minor blocked them for being uncomfortable, saying the hate anons she was getting were from the minor, when it wasn’t. plagiarism got even worse at this time.

there were also more grown adults writing smut for jungwon when he turned 19, and at the end of the year, their target was ni-ki when the korean law changed the legal age from 19 to 18 years.

this year we had islamophobia, people refusing to acknowledge and share about the ongoing massacres and genocides around the world, more plagiarism, writers using AI to write their works with no shame, and minors consuming smut.

these are only some of the countless problems surrounding enhablr, not including the intern problems that weren’t outed.

many of these situations got worse as the conflicts began leaving tumblr and started going to other apps and group chats. i’m not saying the issue is on making friends and keeping contact outside tumblr (because i even encouraged it creating servers and such). the biggest problem is how so many people aren’t holding their friends and the ones who do these types of things accountable.

it’s not about doing it and apologizing, it’s about apologizing, changing, and holding yourself and others accountable. the memory of some people seems like one of a goldfish, completely ignoring the behavior of those who didn’t even apologize, and moving on.

enhablr was never safe, because we, writers, didn’t make it safe. the ones without morals are finding space to act like this because we are giving them space. if we do want to keep these people at bay and make enhablr a truly nice community we have to start really calling out and educating the ones who are doing and saying horrible things.

start by doing it privately, trying to educate them. if it doesn't work, call them out, no matter who they are. don’t condone their wrong actions and hold them accountable if they don’t post a pronouncement or change their behavior.

don’t let things slide and don’t think mutuals or friends shouldn’t be educated too. we are all still human and commit mistakes, but keeping practice of them is not and will never be normal.

so if you think something is off, say it, talk it out, post it. don’t let it keep happening. the change always starts from inside out.

[rivkae-winters]

Edit: the app launched and Is down- I have the initial apology video in a post here and I’m working on getting a full archive of their TikTok up ASAP. I’m letting the rest of this post remain since I do still stand by most of it and also don’t like altering things already in circulation.

Warning for criticism and what I’d consider some harsh to outright mean words:

So I’ve just been made aware of the project known of as ‘lore.fm’ and I’m not a fan for multiple reasons. For one this ‘accessibility’ tool complicates the process of essentially just using a screen reader (something native to all I phones specifically because this is a proposed IOS app) in utterly needless and inaccessible ways. From what I have been seeing on Reddit they have been shielding themselves (or fans of the project have been defending them) with this claim of being an accessibility tool as well to which is infuriating for so many reasons.

I plan to make a longer post explaining why this is a terrible idea later but I’ll keep it short for tonight with my main three criticisms and a few extras:

1. Your service requires people to copy a url for a fic then open your app then paste it into your app and click a button then wait for your audio to be prepared to use. This is needlessly complicating a process that exists on IOS already and can be done IN BROWSER using an overlay that you can fully control the placement of.

2. This is potentially killing your own fandom if it catches on with the proposed target market of xreader smut enjoyers because of only needing the link as mentioned above. You don’t have to open a fic to get a link this the author may potentially not even get any hits much less any other feedback. At least when you download a pdf you leave a hit: the download button is on the page with the fic for a reason. Fandom is a self sustaining eco system and many authors get discouraged and post less/even stop writing all together if they get low interaction.

3. Maybe we shouldn’t put something marketed as turning smut fanfic into audio books on the IOS App Store right now. Maybe with KOSA that’s a bad idea? Just maybe? Sarcasm aside we could see fan fiction be under even more legal threat if minors use this to listen to the content we know they all consume via sites like ao3 (even if we ask them not to) and are caught with it. Auditory content has historically been considered much more obscene/inappropriate than written content: this is a recipe for a disaster and more internet regulations we are trying to avoid.

I also have many issues with the fact that this is obviously redistributing fanfiction (thus violating the copyright we hold over our words and our plots) and removing control the author should have over their content and digital footprint. Then there is the fact that even though the creator on TikTok SAYS you can email to have your fic ‘excluded’ based on the way the demo works (pasting a link) I’m gonna assume that’s just to cover her ass/is utter bullshit. I know that’s harsh but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s probably a duck.

I am all for women in stem- I’ve BEEN a woman in Stem- but this is not a cool girl boss moment. This is someone naive enough to think this will go over well at best or many other things (security risks especially) at worst.

In conclusion for tonight: I hope this person is a troll but there is enough hype and enough paid for web domains that I don’t think that’s the case. There are a litany of reasons every fanfic reader and writer should be against something like this existing and I’ll outline them all in several other posts later.

Do not email their opt out email address there is no saying what is actually happening with that data and it is simply not worth the risks it could bring up. I hate treating seemingly well meaning people like potential cyber criminals but I’ve seen enough shit by now that it’s better to be safe than sorry. You’re much safer just locking all your fics to account only. I haven’t yet but I may in the future if that is the only option.

If anyone wants a screen reader tutorial and a walk through of my free favorites as well as the native IOS screen reader I can post that later as well. Sorry for the heavy content I know it’s not my normal fare.

[alphajocklover]

I really want a hot boyfriend. does instajock always make you straight or can I use it on a guy to make him more my type? (and maybe also make me more his type)

So, I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, one that I want to clear up. While I do my best to report on different transformation methods, I can’t include every detail about every one of them. My posts are relatively short and don’t always cover everything, because if I did it would take forever. The lack of details, plus some distracting pictures, leads to a lot of people getting details mixed up or getting confused. It’s happened before, and I think it’s what is happening here. I say this because as far as I can remember I have never mentioned anything about InstaJock turning someone straight.

InstaJock can change a person's sexuality, theoretically, through the settings and details section that I've mentioned in previous posts. The thing is, it normally doesn’t. Instajock changes its users personality, their body, and their mind, but for some reason their sexuality will usually stay the same. They’ll become more openly sexual, and also often very flirtatious to fit their new jock persona, but their sexual identity doesn’t change. Even when their sexuality does change it usually turns them gay, not straight.  For some reason the app's already confusing setting page is set up so it's a lot easier to set your sexuality to gay then to straight. My best guess for why the app is set up that way is that the creator, or creators, are gay themselves and have a thing for jocks. I mean, you don’t make a seemingly impossible app that changes people into dumb jocks if you don’t have some sort of kink for it.. So, If you use the app on someone who's already gay you’ve probably got nothing to worry about. Chances are they’ll stay gay, unless they happen to have a huge conversion kink and are really good with computers. Anyways, now that we’ve cleared up that issue let's get into the specifics of your issue. 

Changing someone's personality and identity so that they’ll be your ideal boyfriend is… pretty questionable, if I’m being honest. But so is much of what happens in the world of transformations, so I’ll focus on the ‘how to’ rather than the morals. Your first problem is one I’ve brought up before: You can only give someone the app if you already have the app. Only an already transformed Jock can invite another person to InstaJock. You’d only be able to transform him,but only if you are changed yourself. I know you said you’d be with being changed, but once you become a jock figuring out the app will be much harder, so you might not end up his type, or he might not end up yours. I think your best bet would be to convince a jock to change both of you. InstaJock users can send out multiple invites at once, so it would be easy even for him. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a dumb mistake. He is a jock afterall.

I do hope this works out for you. Not because I approve of what you’re doing, but because there are a lot of ways this could go wrong. One of you could have your sexuality changed when you get transformed, the jock who changes you both might make you brothers instead of boyfriends, or you and he could just not click. Just because someones your type doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you. Even if you and your target don’t end up together, I think you will have a much easier time getting a boyfriend after you use InstaJock. I hate to be shallow, but dating is usually easier when you have a 6 pack and huge pecs.

[saetoru]

this blog is now archived !! find my MASTERLIST here !!

hi guys, and here’s a long overdue post that i wanted to take the time to make after collecting as many screenshots as i can for a lot of rumors that i think need to be addressed. before i do that, i wanted to apologize to all of my mutuals who ended up wrongfully harassed in their inboxes for simply knowing me—the irony of this issue being about bullying all the while people on this app have been simultaneously being genuinely awful to other writers who have zero involvement has been ridiculous.

i would’ve made this post sooner, but december was very busy—as you all know, i’ve been working with two separate companies for my capstone projects, and i had final presentations with boards to worry about. and then a cruise which was fun, but i was offline. now that i’ve finally had time to enjoy my break and collect my thoughts, i’d like to voice my own side to the discourse i’m sure you’ve all seen posted by @/garoujo, who is now @/gojoath.

first and foremost, i’ve been on tumblr for almost 4 years now, and while i may not have the brightest moments on here (no one will be spot-free in that amount of time), i’d like to think that if i actually went out of my way to vicious or bully people, this would’ve come to people’s attention a lot sooner. i’ve had a relatively large following across all 6 of my blogs in my time here, and while i don’t like to get into the metrics of my blogs, the reason i point this out is because i have willingly started my blog over 6 times. 3 of these were sfw blogs under my nickname tee, another 2 of which were my previous nsfw blogs under a different alias, and saetoru which is the current one, where i finally decided to combine my sfw and nsfw writing into one space. i just wanted to bring that up because i had quite a habit of leaving and restarting blogs before this one, and had i been obsessed with outperforming other writers in terms of follower counts, i would not have left the previous ones as often as i did. 

that being said, i’ll also go through a timeline of events and how they’ve snowballed into an issue that is not as one-sided as most of you might think. i’ve been mutuals with emmie since my first blog, and i’d been mutuals with her through most of her blogs as well. we’ve never really had issues until her last blog @/garoujo, which she’d started after deactivating @/atsymu due to discourse regarding racism accusations. the reason why we had a falling out was because i felt that there were a series of odd coincidences that felt slightly purposeful, but i was still questioning whether or not i was looking too deeply into it to actually point any of it out.

admittedly, when i saw her first set of banners, i felt our layouts were a slight bit similar, but i really didn’t mind too much because i had been planning to change my banners anyway because i was bored of them. so i took that as an opportunity to do so. it just so happened that within a day or two of every time i changed my banners, hers would be changed too—i never said i owned the color gray, and i even fully acknowledge that the last two sets of banners, at first glance, wouldn’t be a red flag. because, like i said, i was more uncomfortable with the pattern of coincidences than the actual layouts. then i switched to my instagram theme, and not long after, i noticed her add instagram story visuals to her navi. again, no one ever said instagram was my original idea, and that no one else could use it, but it was an unsettling feeling having the same moot continuously make changes around the same time as you, and changes that are different enough that you can’t exactly point out an issue, but slightly similar enough that you can’t exactly ignore the slight oddness.

coincidentally, the same day, another blog (who i will not name bc they’re not very active anymore and are also not very relevant to this story) made the same theme as me and i was a bit peeved because this same blog is someone who has copied a few other things from me and a handful of other moots, so i made a subpost on my moots-only personal blog at the time. keep in mind, i made this post fully aware that emmie was on this blog because i didn’t intend for that post to seem like it was about her. but she reached out to me, and i explained to her the situation, and i even provided the relevant screenshots to show my points. i still considered her a decently good friend at the time, and even with the slightly off feelings, i was still adamant about brushing them off and considering them coincidences that perhaps i was being a bit too critical of.

it wasn’t until i woke up a few hours later after changing my theme and going to bed that i noticed she’d then fully switched to the insta theme. again, instagram is an app used by millions and, at one point, was a very popular theme used amongst most people on this app. i’m not entitled enough to believe i was the first person to do it, but like i said. there are just off vibes most of us will not help but feel when a series of coincidences continue to happen back to back to back by the same person.

there were, amongst these things, a number of other small touches that made me feel off. most of them i don’t remember by now or have screenshots of, so i won’t bother to go into all of them, but for reference, one example i’d also like to point out that i’d had the phrase “you’ve reached the hanmas” in my inbox when she was still on @/atsymu, and sometime after, her sfw blog @/loveatsu had the phrase “you’ve reached the miyas.” small things like this are not things i make an issue over and am more than capable of brushing aside, but like i have said and will continue to push firmly is that i felt there were multiple instances of emmie, in particular, making small tweaks to her blog shortly after me that made me feel were not all coincidentally similar. the issue was never themes or thinking i am the first or only person to do something a certain way, the issue has always been me countless times feeling that one particular individual is exhibiting a behavior that is persistent and uncomfortable no matter how minuscule the instances may be. maybe they were really just unfortunate coincidences that happened with poor timing, or maybe they weren’t. but i stand by the fact that anyone in my shoes would be valid to question the timing of each of these events over and over again.

i would also like to bring up kinktober (though this happened a while after the rest of what i will get into) because this was the first public discourse that emmie and i got into due to an anon’s claims of similarities between our posts. i had received an anon who told me “i think someone copied your kinktober masterlist” which i answered to ask if they could let me know who. they had come back to say it was garoujo, and i did not reply to the ask, instead, i made a post to vaguely tell the anon that i appreciate them letting me know, but i will just leave it be and continue on with my kinktober regardless of emmie’s mlist. i do think there were some vague similarities, but honestly not enough to really question it, so i figured a confrontation or issue was not necessary. a while later, several moots had messaged me to let me know they had received anonymous asks saying to “block @/garoujo she copied @/sakusins and she’ll copy you too” (or something along those lines, i don’t remember exactly.) i myself was very confused (and upset) by the situation because i did not, and still would not, want to be publicly name-dropped in other people’s inboxes over issues that do not involve them. unfortunately, it led to some not-very-kind asks to both of us, and while i am sorry she had to deal with that, it is not an apology from a sense of culpability. that situation was, and still is, entirely out of my control. i would not have seen the masterlist unless the anon had mentioned it, and i did not take part in having people send asks about her to other writers. especially not in a manner that was pretty much social suicide for me as well. 

(this is a poorly made collage i know lol but i hit the picture limit bear with me here.)

i would also like to point out that i am not the only individual who has had issues with emmie and feels she had copied them. although i cannot disclose urls (they have been blocked out for privacy reasons) here are a few conversations i have had with my own mutuals, and i would wager there are more people whom i haven’t talked to who also feel this way. they might be small enough instances that sparking issues over them was not worth it to all of these people, therefore she has never heard from people herself about this issue, but the point does still stand that this claim about emmie is not one i alone make, and is one that i have heard countless times before. her never being approached by these individuals for the sake of peace doesn’t erase that they have been, and are, upset by these events, and it’s a habit that she seems to continually partake in. i would also like to link this post where she has been called out by another writer while she was still atsymu, which was posted while we were still friends. i’ve actually had a discussion with emmie about that post, and at the time, i had quickly skimmed the post and felt it was perhaps a reach, but after my own experiences, i went back to reread the post and considered perhaps there was validity to it, and that this might not be a one time occurrence. plagiarism in manners such as this will always have conflicting opinions, and it is hard to sometimes tell if something is a coincidence, a popular and overused idea, or something that has actually been copied. my point is that a number of people have all felt that perhaps there is a good chance this was not an accident, and please consider that so many instances of people feeling this way might suggest that there is a certain degree of validity to the claim.

at the beginning of all of this, when the masterlist banners had first started bothering me, i was upset, and i chose to vent to an ex-moot of mine who most of you would recognize as munsonsins. abby has deactivated a long while ago, but she’s relevant to this because i had chosen to vent to her at the time, and this is more or less what later caused this situation to escalate. at the time of venting to her, i knew she wasn’t mutuals with emmie because, as you can see, she’d told me as such. 

one thing i would like to point out is that there were a handful of people i had vented to about my frustrations with emmie, but one thing i had always been mindful of was ensuring these were a) individuals who i considered close friends and not just random individuals, and b) were not friends or moots with emmie in the event that i accidentally made people who she cared about think lesser of her. had abby been mutuals with emmie, i would not have shared my feelings, and once again, i was not loose-lipped enough to just tell anyone because they’d listen. i told abby in particular because i had felt we were sufficiently close individuals who talked one-on-one and were able to vent to each other. a bit after i vented to her, though, she befriended emmie, which i had no such issues with because abby was/is her own person and is an adult who can interact freely and befriend whoever she wanted/wants to. 

not long after that, on the night before eid (this detail is relevant in the future) an ex moot of mine @/kazuwhora reached out to me. if you guys remember, there was a discourse last year that was all over dash about how writers on this app should be open to criticism. a lot of people (including me and kc) were upset by that sentiment—which is still valid. please don’t give constructive criticism to writers without their explicit permission !! but regardless, kc sent me a screenshot of a mutual of mine who had posted their opinion on this discourse, and their point was clearly that while constructive criticism is important in some aspects, writers do not have to be subject to receiving it should they not want to. unfortunately, i felt as if kc misunderstood what this individual was trying to say, and i was trying to explain it to her, but we got into a small argument over how we interpreted the post. i felt some of the things she was saying about this individual were inappropriate, and i had made it clear that i was very fond of this person, and it made me uncomfortable to be having this discussion. regardless of whether she saw my interpretation of the post or not, i wanted to drop the discussion, especially because it was the night before eid. eid is the one holiday i celebrate, and there are traditions i quite enjoy the night before, and i didn’t want them to be spoiled with a poor mood over a silly argument. unfortunately, she wasn’t very willing to drop the topic, and it ended up making me upset. so i posted this screenshot to my moots only personal from the conversation that consisted of my messages only and said, “tonight i had to explain what a debate is.” it was petty, perhaps, but very harmless, seeing as there was no context given and no names/pfps to indicate who the person was.

truthfully, i had vented separately to cat, eris, and abby about this argument because i was friends with the three of them at the time, but needless to say, venting to your friends about arguments is a universal action, and i believe it is something all of us have partaken in. 

eventually, i decided to softblock emmie because i felt it would be more comfortable for me on my blog to do so. after a bit, i was informed of a subpost that seemed like it couldn’t be about anyone other than me—to make things clear, emmie subposting me was not my concern. i did not hold it against her because she is more than entitled to have her own feelings and vents on her own blog, but the thing that did concern me was that it seemed slightly evident that she was aware of my feelings when i had never explicitly had a conversation with her. it made me question who would tell her, and as you may have guessed, the only person with whom i had shared my concerns who could also be in contact with emmie was abby. 

at the time, eris had also voiced concerns that they had trusted abby with the ending of the plot for the diluc series they were planning, and coincidentally, one of abby’s friends had posted a fic idea eerily similar to their concept, to which abby had been commenting and reblogging more brainstormed ideas under. all of these ideas were very close to the plans eris had for their series plot, and understandably, they felt that it was not a mere coincidence that their entire plot was being brainstormed on dash by a person who was fully aware of their outline. i’d voiced my concerns with believing that abby may have also been sharing things i trusted her with, and as a result we both had made a few vague subposts that we liked from each other—a petty behavior, i will admit, but not something that i think is very out of the norm for a lot of people on this app. sometimes, we all just want to vent out our frustrations, and because we all more or less use tumblr as an outlet, these can sometimes be vaguely taken to dash. it’s not something that is ideally recommended (i’ve learned the hard way) but it’s also ?? not exactly something that only i’m guilty of, or is even a rare behavior. i think to shoot down one person for this behavior is quite frankly hypocritical. again, subposting isn’t a habit i would like to push as mature but it’s something i’d like to point out is very normal in this community, and is not something only i take part in. beyond that, i take to ensuring that whenever i do, i’m not explicitly exposing who i’m talking about in order to keep them out of unnecessary issues. 

after this conversation with eris, it kind of solidified in my mind that i did not want to trust abby with any more personal vents, or information, and i had ultimately decided to soft block her too. i had also decided to take the opportunity to softblock kc as well because i figured i might as well just remove individuals who i felt made me uncomfortable. this is, again, my right to do so to curate my own space. not long after, cat, eris, and i had been softblocked/hardblocked by a number of moots, and we were a bit confused, until cat ended up having a conversation with kc. many accusations were made about all three of us, more specifically, about me to kc by abby because the two of them had been discussing that they’d both been softblocked by me recently.

the list of accusations we were told of is as follows:

me, cat, and eris have a “burn book” where we “blacklist people.” it’s important to note that every time this discourse resurfaces (this is now the fourth time), the “burn book” has fundamentally changed in its composition—it has changed from a discord server “burn book”, to a google doc “burn book”, to the current rumor that it was an entire blog that was used as a “burn book.” it is consistently changed to fit whatever narrative is trying to be pushed, and regardless, the rumor itself is entirely untrue and has been addressed multiple times. cat has had a tumblr theme, a collab theme, and a server theme all dedicated to the film mean girls. she simply had a channel that was to share the urls of minors to block for interacting with nsfw works, or people who were anti-dark content—this is something that i have seen in all servers i’ve been in during my time on tumblr, and is not a new concept for many of you either. it’s simply a precaution a lot of servers take to warn writers about potential minors to block, and potential anti-dark content harassers. the name of this channel happened to be “the burn book” because it was a mean girls themed server, so the name just fit. nowhere in this channel were other writers in the community “blacklisted” or spoken negatively of, and here are the screenshots of the channel. this was simply something abby had twisted in order to paint us negatively. here is the link to cat’s post addressing it for proof and explanation (i run out of pictures or i would include them myself.)

abby also claimed that i was using this channel to talk poorly about kc and a handful of other moots. this is also false bc this server had several strangers (as it was cat’s server and i didn’t know all her moots), but it also had several of kc’s mutuals/friends in this server as well. i’m not so dense as to talk poorly about other writers publicly in a server, let alone a server i know has people who are friends with kc

now, this next part, emmie has conveniently painted out to be about me, as i apparently harassed and blacklisted people for liking itto from genshin impact, but i have been playing genshin for over a year on this app, and quite a large number of you are my own followers who see my rambles and my writing and i don’t have to explain that i have never written for itto, nor explicitly expressed an interest in him apart from perhaps one or two posts from back when i did his story quest. i never had, and still to this day, have no interest in the character itto. i’ve skipped his banner, i plan to skip his upcoming banners should they come, and i have never written for him, nor do i plan to write for him. this issue with itto is between eris and another individual, and i do not have the details to this, as i was new friends with eris at the time, and i’m no longer friends with eris as of current time. quite frankly, even if i knew the details, i wouldn’t go out of my way to share them because it has nothing to do with me. plain and simple.

as you can see, there were a number of rumors spread here to kc by abby, and as you can see, all of which led me to seem quite vicious in character. i’ve provided, to the best of my ability, screenshots and receipts of why each of these is quite drastically out of context and far from true to what abby has claimed. 

i did in fact, after these events confront abby because i was genuinely appalled by the way she knowingly and purposely twisted things conveniently to villainize me. she expressed that she was upset and paranoid by the subposts that she figured were about her once i’d soft blocked her, so i apologized for the posts. she had conversations with both me and cat about the rumors she’d started, and she also apologized for them to both me and cat.

the rumors that emmie has claimed about me in her post, which she conveniently provided no evidence of, are all rumors that are more or less a result of my differences with abby and kc. unfortunately, despite cat trying her best to explain to kc the falseness of most of these rumors, she didn’t really believe them—which is her business. to each their own. i’m sure if i had been in kc’s shoes and in one night, someone i had considered a friend had been painted to do a series of nasty things behind my back, i also would not know what’s true and untrue, and she is entitled to piecing together what she believes is her truth. what’s not fair, however, is for emmie to have no involvement/understanding of these events apart from a twisted narrative she heard from one person and dog pile them into her claims of my behavior to further paint me as a villain. emmie is more than entitled to have her beliefs on my character based on her own experiences, which she has provided her own evidence of, but simply slapping an “and i heard she also….” does not necessarily make claims true, and is very manipulatively thrown into the post to add a list of things that make my character questionable to further validate her point. 

not only this, but she has made a point to openly admit that she and her friends have collectively mocked me for my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who they have apparently labeled as my “fake” boyfriend that i used to get attention on this app. quite plainly, i get enough attention on my blog that i don’t need a fake boyfriend to amp that up. but furthermore, i am a south asian, muslim individual. my parents are immigrants with very strict religious and cultural beliefs that i feel are very restricting at times, and though i love my family, i struggle with my identity quite a bit as i live in a very western culture that clashes quite a bit with my cultural norms. i do not get to freely explore my sexuality or even romantic life in general, unlike some of you. my parents have been kept in the dark about my relationship because them knowing about it is something that could quite literally create a rift between us, and i find it very insulting and almost suspicious that a white girl is making a mockery of my cultural struggles and my personal life. many of you are either desi or muslim or simply children of strict immigrant parents with quite stubborn traditional views. i’m sure plenty of you understand where i’m coming from when i say that i have to keep my relationship hidden from the majority of the people around me. tumblr is the one place i can anonymously share bits and pieces of my life without worrying about if it will literally cost me my relationship with my parents, so sometimes i may have overshared silly or pointless things, but that is because it’s my own way of being able to express myself and my relationship the way i have always wanted to. apart from that, dragging and making a joke out of someone’s personal life is quite unnecessary in this case. the issue is about tumblr discourse, and i find it very hypocritical that i am being labeled a bully when people, more specifically a white and privileged individual, is plain and simple mocking and poking fun at my personal life and situation that i have no control of. that is my piece on that. whether some of you believe i had a partner or not is not my business, nor do i have to go out of my way to show you evidence of my personal life. what i will say, however, is that there are a handful of close friends i have on this app who are involved in my personal life and have seen evidence of my love life through pictures and private stories on social media. quite frankly, these are the only individuals who i have to justify the validity of my personal life to, and it’s honestly quite violating for someone to stoop to dragging someone’s outside life into issues about tumblr. i extend a very genuine fuck you to every single one of you that have ridiculed my personal relationship and just know that you are extremely bold to consider yourselves above bullying when this is the type of behavior you admit to engaging in. individuals with complex familial relationships, and identity struggles between cultural norms, their ethnicities, and the western world are not your playground to make a joke out of. some of us have very real struggles, such as not being able to pursue careers in favor of arranged marriages, not being able to pursue actual relationships that mean something to us due to a lack of familial approval, being forced to bear children at young ages due to familial pressure, and so on. they are not laughing matters, and are a part of my reality. and before some of you get started—yes, it really is that serious. i have struggled my entire life with having white girls poke fun and tease at my cultural norms, and i refuse to allow another white and privileged individual who already has a record of racially related discourse walk away with once more poking fun at my personal struggles and not be called out for it. i hope you had a good, long, satisfying laugh emmie.

onto my next points based on claims @/anantaru has made about me. the main thing i’d like to really point out here is that anantaru and i have never, not even once, interacted to the extent of my knowledge. they claim that cat and i cannot stand it when people cross us in numbers and that we go through people’s likes in order to find minors and blank blogs to explain all the notes. a) i am very bad at checking for minors and blanks in my own notes, so this is not even a logical approach on my end, but b) this claim is made because cat made this post under the tags of a post going around last year that asked to hear unpopular ficblr opinions.

what cat means to articulate here is that sometimes, when she is scrolling on dash and interacting with moots and their shit/talk-posts, she peeks at profiles she sees in the notes and has happened to catch minors lurking. cat, firstly, has never followed anantaru, so they are not a “victim” to cat glancing at their likes, but secondly, this is not nearly as psychotic as it’s painted out to be. cat is not, and was not, jealous of other blog's notes. quite plainly, she’s not exactly a tiny blog either, and she’s only stumbled upon minors in the talks-posts of moots, including me. shit-posts/talks-posts are easy to notice minors lurking on, and while most people recognize that it’s quite impossible to catch every minor and ageless blog in writing posts with numerous notes, a simple shit-post on dash is more simple, and her unpopular opinion was simply that blogs that grow rapidly need to be better about catching those minors because they are susceptible to having more of them lurking. it’s a really harmless sentiment, and she’s gently reminded me as well on more than one occasion to be more responsible about my habit of being lazy when scouting for minors in my interactions. 

this is not out of jealousy, nor is it some sick and twisted habit she has to “explain” why people get more notes than she might get. it’s also out of a place of concern for her own content ?? i myself and plenty of other large blogs reblog from mutuals, and they are well within their right to be concerned that perhaps minors are lurking on our pages and interacting with works we reblog from our mutuals. cat has voiced this concern to me before, also out of goodwill and simple concern for my content, her content, and minors in general. there is simply no need to twist it into her viciously looking down upon large blogs and their notes counts and claiming they’re “only because they don’t block minors.” admittedly, though, i do need to be better about catching minors, and i have always appreciated her trying to keep me in the habit of being responsible about it. more importantly, it was a small passing comment under a post of unpopular opinions, a lot of them were hot takes, and this is hardly a serious one to get so heated over. 

i’d also like to point out that anantaru has claimed we blocked them for being a gatekeeper and because we’re jealous of their notes. 💀. a) i am very grateful and very happy with the level of interaction i get on my writing, as more people than i imagine leave me countless comments and reblogs. i have never had an issue with comparing my interaction with that of other writers because i have always been abundantly content with the interaction i get. i have no other comment on this other than cat and i blocked anantaru at the same time because we happened to see a post of theirs reblogged onto our dash that made a joke that we felt was a bit insensitive to/alluded to SA—i’m sure it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, but it made us uncomfortable regardless. while we are both dark content supporters, and i myself have read more than one fic that includes noncon in particular, it doesn’t mean we have to like/enjoy everything related to it and we simply decided to block them. i’m not going to bring this post up bc it’s simply not important. they are an adult who is more than entitled to make jokes on their blog and cat and i do not have to like them !! we simply did what we were well within our rights to do, and that’s blocking them.

there’s more they go on to say about receiving hate asks and that apparently it’s because of our “group of friends.” cat and i don’t have a group of friends. i don’t have any group chats with her besides the one with her boyfriend because i get along with him sometimes as well, and we used to play genshin together a lot when i was in low ar. not that i have to explain my friendships here, but i quite literally do not have a group of people to “send after” anantaru because people are well aware of my close friends, who i text with my personal phone number. i’ve posted silly screenshots of convos on my blog multiple times, and none of these friends overlap because i do not have a “group” of friends, just individual friends who i talk to one on one. cat is not friends with my other friends, and my other friends are not friends with her. there are no inner circles that conspire together to send anyone hate because i “tell them to.” and if there are screenshots of me explicitly encouraging someone to send hate on anon, i would love to see it. if i had sent my anons after anantaru, it would have to be a public post, and i’m sure if there were a post of such nature, it would have been brought to light by now. they have also claimed they were given multiple urls of mine to block. i only have ONE writing blog, @/saetoru, and the only other two that are still up are archived blogs @/hanmine and @/katsuphilia, which are side blogs attached to saetoru and have been inactive for several months. there are however, multiple individuals on this app who also go by the name “tee,” and perhaps we have unfortunately been mixed up as the same person, but the only blog i have is saetoru, so there is no other active blog they have blocked me from that belonged to me and was able to harass them.

not only that, but anantaru has claimed that one person off anon sent them hate with a kaeya url which they insinuate to be me. once again, you are all more than aware of my history of urls, and many of you have all been here to see them. i’ve never once had a kaeya url, nor have i ever been particularly interested in kaeya outside of a small number of posts on a rare occasion. my genshin favorites have always been characters from sumeru and, at one point diluc, and once again i don’t have to ?? explain my selfships to you all ?? but literally, i have nothing to do with a kaeya blog or kaeya account, and im unsure why it’s being thrown into my name. quite frankly, i’m not sure  what their moot has told them we have said about them, but the only conversations cat and i have ever had about anantaru was that one about the noncon joke, and that’s it. outside of that, there is literally no evidence of us speaking about this person because it simply doesn’t exist. 

i implore you all to, instead of starting public discourse over things you hear, confirm them first. had anantaru reached out to me or cat and expressed that they are upset that we are supposedly spreading false rumors about them gatekeeping, then whatever misunderstanding it might have been could have been cleared. i would like to also point out that it is not above bullying when you simply dump numerous accusations that you have heard through half whispers from moots and provide 0 evidence for them. i am perfectly aware of why emmie may consider herself to have issues with me, but i have never had an encounter with anantaru, and truthfully, i’ve never actually even read their writing before. my main (and pretty much only) experience with them is seeing the joke i saw reblogged onto my dash, and as i stated earlier, the only thing i did for that was block and move one.

and lastly, the other point i’d like to make is that numerous blogs who i have been objectively very kind to have come out to take the opportunity to stomp on my character and reputation. for example, tumblr user @/osaemu, who used to follow me and interact with me quite often. i have always been excited to interact with her because she was really supportive of my gojo writing, and at one point, i had a small area of concern with her using the same exact title as me for a gojo fic. below are screenshots of our conversation regarding the titles.

i am quite confident that this is a very polite interaction, and i was very clear that i didn’t think that her writing elements, including gojo’s parent dynamics and his dynamics with the reader, were copied or even something that i felt she needed to change. i pointed them out as a way of indicating that between these parallels and between the fact that i know she reads my rb! gojo series, i find it difficult to believe that our fic titles being exactly the same is a coincidence, and it made me uncomfortable—my concern was not how she wrote gojo’s parents or his dynamic with reader. i never accused her of stealing ideas that were mine alone to use, all i simply wanted to do was shed light on the fact that based on these parallels, i figured the names being the same was a touch difficult for me to brush aside as a chance similarity. i was very clear to outline that i know these dynamics and themes in writing are generic, and that people can pull inspo from them because i have done the same thing. my only concern was the title, which i politely asked her to change, and she agreed. case closed. i have been, again objectively, quite kind to osaemu, and i had no intentions of blocking her like a moot had suggested because i felt it was a very silly issue to block over since she was very lovely to me. 

i did, however, block her because she posted one-paragraph posts with multiple characters tagged. that’s not a crime on her end, and i’m certainly not here to police her posts in the tags, but as me and plenty of other people on this app have voiced multiple times, it is a bit irritating and feels like spam to see posts of these kinds in the tags so i blocked her. this is a very popular opinion and i refuse to be considered problematic for it. i am not here to police what constitutes an appropriate post to tag x reader tags on, and while i have made posts simply sharing my opinion on what i feel should and should not be tagged, osaemu is more than welcome to post whatever she feels she would like to into the tags. i do, however, block anyone who i come across who makes those kinds of posts because i simply don’t like them, and i don’t like seeing them. i don’t owe an explanation for why i block anyone, but seeing as i have been painted as some bitch for doing so, here is my reasoning. quite a lot of people agree on this sentiment, and to each their own, but i don’t enjoy seeing those posts. i did also unblock her at one point, as she mentioned. this is simply because a mutual of mine had voiced that they felt someone had copied the concept of their drabble, and i was helping them word a message to send, so i went back to this exact conversation to look back on what i said because it was a similar situation. as you know, blocking someone hides their dms from your dm list, so i had intended to temporarily unblock her just to see how i worded my message to help formulate a message for a mutual. there were no screenshots sent, i simply wanted to jog my memory of my points, that’s all. i did forget to block her again for a bit but eventually did, and that’s the extent of our interactions. i don’t recall posts telling people that i condone sending anons with death threats like she has claimed, and if she could point out the particular posts i have made where i encourage people to send anon death threats on my behalf, i would be more than happy to clear them up, or address them. 

i have admittedly, on a few occasions said in my responses to anon hate itself, the phrase “kys” out of frustration, and there are i’m sure conflicting opinions on that, but i do not regularly use this phrase in my vocabulary. i have been on the receiving end of graphic sexual and violent asks in my inbox regarding me, my teenage sister, and my mother, during my time on here, and sometimes out of frustration i have said less than dignified things, but this is not a constant behavior, and frankly, i think once people make graphic, violent, and inappropriate comments about my 16 year old sister, saying “kys” in response is not the greater of the two evils. it is a tad bit hypocritical to expect benevolence from me to an anonymous hate ask just because there is “another person” at the end of the screen when they have not extended the same sentiment to me.  

all of that being said, jumping on the trend to trample on someone while you have the opportunity to because you’re bitter they blocked you is also no better than bullying. apart from blocking osaemu, I have taken careful steps to always be respectful to her due to the very kind comments she’s left on my writing. leaving nice comments on my writing is deeply appreciated and welcome, but that doesn’t mean i have to subject myself to seeing posts i do not want to see on my dash on my phone. i pay for the phone bill, so i will cater my phone to show me what i want to see, and if that includes blocking a few people, i am allowed to do that !! i should not have to apologize for or be crucified for blocking someone and their feelings being hurt over it. 

not only this, but several of you have somehow started a rumor that i am 26 or even pushing 30. that’s nowhere close to the truth. i’m 21, soon to be 22, and i have stated multiple times i am an undergraduate college student. of course, there is no timeline to college, and people of all ages complete their undergrad degrees, but i have made it a point to vent about my concerns numerous times that i am very stressed about taking extra classes every semester to compensate for changing my major late because i want to graduate on time. my graduation year is 2024 (as would make sense seeing as i will be 22 years old), and if you don’t believe me, i have celebrated my bday on april 12th of every year this blog has been active. you’re more than welcome to check my archive to see if that’s true, and for further reference, here is a picture i have sent to mods of servers i am in to be accepted. (note that my url used to be hanmas before saetoru.)

although there is no shame in being 26 or pushing 30, the reason why i wanted to address this is that i wanted to point out that yet another rumor has been fiercely pushed on my name and has been believed to be the truth. no one has to walk away from reading this post assuming that i’m a saint and i have never done anything wrong or that i have been faultless in differences i’ve had with other people. but a lot, if not all, of these claims are exaggerated with 0 evidence, and people have just run with claiming them as true. i physically cannot deny a large majority of these rumors with evidence or screenshots because half of them are made by people i have never interacted with or talked to, and i cannot produce evidence for interactions that never happened. i have seen blank, burner blogs post stories of their experiences with me, one in particular that claims i dm’d them to tell them their hanma fic was breathtaking before i harassed them about their theme, boyfriend, and parents. a) i do not dm anyone to compliment their fics because i am simply too shy to do that. i would have only reblogged the fic with comments if i enjoyed it. b) again, there is no evidence on their part, and i cannot dispel this story with evidence of my own because evidence of conversations that never took place does not exist. and c) i would like to think i do not come across as dense enough to attack someone in their dm’s viciously about their boyfriend and parents openly with my account, where they could easily spread the proof around if it had actually happened. i am not responsible for people’s internet literacy, and if people believe every story that is shared with not even a small piece of proof that it took place, i cannot do anything besides simply urge you all to formulate your opinions based on what you see, not based on what you hear. 

i would also like to end things off with an apology to all of you—mainly because there was no reason for so many of you to be dragged into something that did not involve you and also because there are very disturbing and important issues going on right now in real-time in the world that are affecting a lot of people. i never want to be involved in something that takes attention off of important discussions such as genocide, and while many of you like to claim i am deflecting, i think it is quite telling that some people have posted nothing about something this important but have made multiple posts regarding discourse. i did not feel it was appropriate at that time to focus on discourse, and i still do not think so, but i wanted to leave off with my own statement.

i would also like to apologize if i have ever come across as unkind during an experience with me; it is never my intention to be that way purposely. i have a habit of being petty sometimes and can be a bit short-tempered, and it’s something i work on. with as large of a following as i have, sometimes it’s better not to say anything at all than say it—however vaguely it might be. i hope some of you who also have larger followings keep that in mind so that you can avoid discourse erupting into something grand scale. please vent to people you trust and be wary of having a habit to subpost. but mainly, please remember that people trusting you with their feelings and troubles is not something you should take pride in spreading. there is nothing to be proud of about sharing people's private socials, urls, and conversations. while i am not always able to keep my temper under wraps, and while i have had my fair share of petty moments, i, to the best of my ability, have always made sure that i don’t come across as intentionally cruel or mean, nor have i purposely broken someone’s trust. sometimes i have retaliated back a bit fiercely, but i stand by the fact that i never purposely chased or drove anyone off, mocked or belittled them, or sent people over to dislike/hate them. i have at times vented to those who i believe are people i can trust, sure—but this is something we as people are all guilty of. there’s no way any of us can hold one person more accountable than others for partaking in closeted conversations that are never meant to get back to people and hurt them. 

i genuinely loved, and still love, writing very much, and i have always appreciated every ask, every reblog, and every comment. writing is a hobby i am greatly passionate about, and it’s always a hobby i was very excited to share with people on here because i don’t get to share it with people irl. i don’t willingly tell people irl that i enjoy making elaborate plots about anime characters, and i have always been very excited to share that hobby with you all, whether you are a reader or writer. i’ve read fanfiction for a very long time before i ever decided to try my hand at writing it, and i would never want to knock other people down simply because they “surpassed” me. i enjoy finding writers to read from, especially those who write better than me, because they are where i draw the most inspiration and motivation from. the moots i look up to most are moots who are in my opinion, far stronger writers than me, and moots who i always firmly believe deserve much more reach than i do on their stories because they’re far more fleshed out and in-depth than anything i can produce. and i am proud of them !! and even those of you who feel you are stuck not getting as much reach as you would hope, i am proud also of all of you for picking up a google doc or pen and writing and trying, whether you choose to share it or not. i will always strongly encourage you all to try your hand at writing if you have ever considered it because i have genuinely built such a better sense of self-esteem when being able to incorporate pieces of myself in my stories and express parts of who i am—i think some of you might really enjoy the catharsis that writing brings, and if you ever debate on trying it out, please do !! you might become really passionate about it. 

anyway, this post is abysmally long. none of it is to clear my name in hopes that i will be “un-canceled” (LOL) because i have decided saetoru is long overdue to be put to rest. i hope you can all, at the very least, allow other writers some peace and stop harassing them in their inboxes for knowing me (because that is also bullying and very ironic of you), and i hope you all got some sort of understanding of where i am coming from. if you think poorly of me, that’s okay. i have an opinion of myself, and the close people who surround me, that i am confident in, and while i may not have always handled things in the brightest of manners, i am well aware of what my intentions have always been. 

i’m deeply grateful to all 41k of you, and thank you for reading my works and allowing me to write for you !! thank you for all the very, very kind asks that i never got a chance to fully answer each one of, and thank you especially for all the supportive comments and love on the writing i’ve posted. they might be silly fics you read once and moved on from, but they’re all pieces of me, my life, and things that are important to me, and as cringe and cheesy as it sounds, it means quite literally everything to me when people read them and take away something from them. 

also, as a parting gift, i will be posting the nerd gojo, ex-convict geto, and a marriage rb! gojo fic to my ao3 (also saetoru) for those of you who have been patiently awaiting those wips to enjoy. please (a little more patiently) keep your eyes peeled for those <3 i will no longer be posting or active on saetoru, and in the event that i keep writing, it will be posted on my ao3, so you all will know where to find me !!

so for the last time, i love you my little runts !! wishing you all the best, and goodbye to my lil saetoru bestees. 

mwah !!

— tee <3

ps. i also have turned off reblogs for this post and limited replies to people i follow only. a lot of you will jump to say that it’s simply because i am “hiding,” but it is solely because i have said my piece and i intend to move on. thank you and have a lovely day shawtee ✌🏽

[9amartt]

A thing i’ve noticed lately is how common “depression” has become, to the point that it became a topic seriously discussed in masaajid and schools, and visiting therapists became extremely common too -all of this is good to an extent-. What is concerning is how the generation before us was completely against the idea of anything called “mental illness” or “mental health” in general, causing this generation now to be extremely thirsty for these terms and therefore use them for everything.

Anyone who has been raised in a secular (especially western) system knows very well how much this mindset has been fed to us and to our children, the way they managed to make us like glass, -weak and easily scattered- and the way they made every single form of self improvement “low self esteem” or “toxic” to the point where everyone uses their life obstacles as excuses to not do their best in their affairs.

We do not disregard the effects of bad mental health at all, especially as muslims we believe in physical mental and soul ailments, however for this to be used as an excuse to abandon action… that is where we draw the line.

Never tie your action to your mood, act according to your goal, is your goal jannah? Strive for it when depressed and when scared and when sick and when happy and when grieving… always.

You are not here to be depressed, leave depression for those who do not know their lord. Those are rightfully depressed, you are not.

You have a lord you can speak to in the night.. but who will sacrifice his sleep to talk with Allah!!? This is the issue..

Allah is our lord and they have no lord.

You have Allah with you, we all have problems, from the beginning of the call to islam to now no one was free from grief, not even the dearest person to Allah- muhammad ﷺ- He tested every type of pain to be an example for us.

He tasted loss of parents,

And not just that but he knew they died upon other than islam.

He tasted loss of children.

He lost his beloved wife.

He lost his uncle and had to forgive his killer.

He was dragged and hit and mocked belittled and belied.

He was forsaken by his people.

He was betrayed.

He was lied to.

His honour -that of Aisha- was slandered and still is to this day.

His illnesses were not like those we experience, but much more severe.

…..

All of this and he is the dearest to Allah!

Read the lives of the sahaba and the righteous, you will notice a clear pattern, the closer one is to Allah and the dearer he is to Him, the more tested. And many will say “oh I am not being tested at all my life is easy” aren’t you struggling with your mental health? Isn’t that a test?

Aren’t all these blessings a test too?

Isn’t your comfort a test as well?

Worship is not easy, that is why the one who struggles in worship gets rewarded more than those who don’t, so stand up, leave your misery there where you were sat, read a few pages of the quran for Baraka, and go ahead with that which you have been procrastinating.

And do not expect it to be easy, many of the salaf would say: “ I forced myself to do worship for TWENTY years! After twenty years it became easy”

So do not expect quick results, expect to fall and slip, this is what we all do, what matters is that you stand up after you fall.

And abandon that cursed social media which has become a drug we all consume, if you really need to keep posting or really need to stay active, then do so in a browser and not the app, it usually is less practical and less addicting there.

May Allah guide you and us and safeguard you and us from the plots of the evils of mankind and jinn.

[lynzishell]

Prev // Next

Transcript below the cut:

Atlas: Should we head back? Asher: Not just yet. I, um, actually want to talk to you about something. Atlas: Okay. Asher: Right. Okay. The thing is, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and… Atlas: And?

Asher: And I want us to have kids.  

Atlas: Oh.

Altas: Ash, I don’t— Asher: I know.

Asher: I know we already decided we weren’t going to, and I know I said I was okay with that, and I meant it at the time, I did, but I don’t think I am okay with that anymore, and I know you’re worried, but honestly you’re the most caring and nurturing person I’ve ever met, and I know you’d be such an amazing father, and there’s no way anyone could ever feel unwanted by you, least of all—

Atlas: No. It’s not that.

Asher: What then? Atlas: [sighs] Is this really the right time to be talking about this? Asher: Well, that’s the thing, we don’t really have a lot of time. My eggs… I have exactly one year, three months, and six days to either use them or donate them before they’re destroyed.

Atlas: [let’s out a forceful exhale] So, it’s now or never? Asher: Only if we want biological children. Atlas: Only if we want… shit. SHIT.

Atlas: Ash, we just quit our jobs! It’s going to be hard enough to stretch our savings to last us a year, which is hopefully enough time to finish this game and market it and release it and HOPE it’s successful enough to make money. It’s one thing to take this kind of risk when it’s just the two of us, but to bring a child into it just feels… irresponsible. And we’re already looking into a bigger place, but then we’d need an even bigger place. But it doesn’t even matter because our savings will already be drained between the procedure and a surrogate and doctor’s appointments and furnishing a nursery and baby formula and diapers and a million other things I haven’t even thought of yet.

Asher: I hear you; I do. And we can talk about all of that, but it’s not really worth the stress unless we’re serious. So, can we just put a pin in it for one minute and pretend that money is not an issue? Atlas: I don’t think I can do that. Asher: Try? Please? Just give me sixty seconds and answer one question for me. Atlas: [sighs] Okay.

Asher: Do you want to have kids with me?

Atlas: [nodding] Asher: Yes? Atlas: Yes.

Asher: Oh, thank god!!

Atlas: Can I get back to panicking now? Asher: Not yet. Can’t we just enjoy the rest of our vacation and panic when we get home?

Atlas: No.

Asher: Do you still make anything off that app you made forever ago? Atlas: Hardly. But I could revamp it. And I could probably do some side jobs here and there. Asher: I could sell a bunch of my art on Plopsy. Atlas: That’s a good idea.  

Asher: It’s not gonna be enough, though, is it? Atlas: I doubt it. How do we even do this? Where do we start? Asher: I’m not sure. We should talk to my mom when we get back. Atlas: Oh, she’s going to be excited. Asher: Very. I’m kind of excited too. Atlas: Me too. This is going to be one hell of a year.

[rubyvroom]

Ed Zitron lays it all out here.

You are the victim of a con — one so pernicious that you’ve likely tuned it out despite the fact it’s part of almost every part of your life. It hurts everybody you know in different ways, and it hurts people more based on their socioeconomic status. It pokes and prods and twists millions of little parts of your life, and it’s everywhere, so you have to ignore it, because complaining about it feels futile, like complaining about the weather.  It isn’t. You’re battered by the Rot Economy, and a tech industry that has become so obsessed with growth that you, the paying customer, are a nuisance to be mitigated far more than a participant in an exchange of value. A death cult has taken over the markets, using software as a mechanism to extract value at scale in the pursuit of growth at the cost of user happiness.  These people want everything from you — to control every moment you spend working with them so that you may provide them with more ways to make money, even if doing so doesn’t involve you getting anything else in return. Meta, Amazon, Apple, Microsoft and a majority of tech platforms are at war with the user, and, in the absence of any kind of consistent standards or effective regulations, the entire tech ecosystem has followed suit. A kind of Coalition of the Willing of the worst players in hyper-growth tech capitalism.  Things are being made linearly worse in the pursuit of growth in every aspect of our digital lives, and it’s because everything must grow, at all costs, at all times, unrelentingly, even if it makes the technology we use every day consistently harmful.

What this writer terms the Rot Economy is a larger system that creates the enshittification we know and loathe. It's the constant irrational pursuit of growth. Rot Economy is a great term for a definition that has been slowly coming into focus from one horizon to the other. Not just tech. This essay focuses on Spotify and Meta and speaker software and websites but you could easily extrapolate from here to absolutely everything.

I’m not writing this to complain, but because I believe [sic] that we are in the midst of the largest-scale ecological disaster of our time, because almost every single interaction with technology, which is required to live in modern society, has become actively adversarial to the user. These issues hit everything we do, all the time, a constant onslaught of interference, and I believe it’s so much bigger than just social media and algorithms — though they’re a big part of it, of course.  In plain terms, everybody is being fucked with constantly in tiny little ways by most apps and services, and I believe that billions of people being fucked with at once in all of these ways has profound psychological and social consequences that we’re not meaningfully discussing. 

Not to mention being actively fucked with in every way, in every aspect of our lives, by every company trying to suck the last drops of profit from us every minute of the day. How does that constant frustration contribute to the ways we treat each other as family, friends, neighbors, in politics, in everyday interactions?

Anyway, go and read.

[stars-obsession-pit]

Is anyone else having weird issues with searching certain tags?

Like, this is the situation i’ve been encountering

Looking at latest posts from clicking on the “DPxDC” tag on my followed tag list only loads a couple posts at most before hitting an end as if I read all of them

Searching that tag in the search bar and sorting by latest will also lead to the same issue

Searching the “DP x DC” tag on the search bar and sorting by latest will also encounter a similar issue, though it’ll load a few more posts before stopping

Same with searching “DC x DP” (maybe the spaces are making them read as being the same to the system?)

But not “DCxDP” - that works just fine in the search bar

Back to the “DP x DC” tag again: despite not working through the search bar, it’ll work fine if accessed through my followed tags instead

And also sorting by “top” in any of those aforementioned cases also seems to fix the issue with the number of results??

Though I have encountered similar “surprisingly short search results” situations while sorting by top when looking at some other tags. I’m just not confident if those were actually the same issue since I was trying to search multiple tags

Also as a possibly separate thing I can’t find some tags I know I’ve used before when using the search function on this blog

All of this is occurring on the IOS app in what is (according to the app store) the latest version available to me (version 35.3). I don’t think the problem started until I downloaded that update, but I’m not certain.

[abacus-jpg]

Anyone else not understand why people are moving to cara. Like I understand it’s because ai and shit,, but like. What confuses me is as long as your art is on the internet, aslong as you chose to post your art online anywhere, doesn’t matter where, it is prone to being stolen by ai. To me ai is nothing more then when people trace your art and call it their own. Ofc I don’t want people to do it, but ultimately that will not stop them. I do have a cara account, I was the first to claim abacus. When I tried posting there a few times I’ve been met with an error message, alongside that the app is really buggy and slow. I don’t see why people feel the need to come up with new apps to post art on when you could just use tumblr, but then the argument with tumblr is that there’s no engagement. But if we all flock to tumblr like people are flocking to cara then I don’t see why engagement would be such a big issue. Even then, if engagement is your main concern with your art I feel like you should reevaluate why you are pursuing art in the first place. I had this struggle ages ago where I didn’t feel my art was worth anything because I couldn’t cap 10 likes. But I realized, my art is for me. I’m the one that should be enjoying it, and my reason for posting now is for other people to enjoy it, so if they don’t,, I really don’t care all the much. I understand it is really detouring to post ocs and to have zero engagement, but that’s just the way art is. Unless you are producing fanart consistently of shit that is made into content farms, I really don’t see how you can garner a following just doing ocs. That’s why, doing art for your own sake is more important than trying to please everyone. I can guarantee there’s atleast one stranger on the internet that will fw your stuff the way you want. And the more you post, the more the number will grow. Most of the time it’s gradual, but one goes to two, two goes to three. And maybe you’ll only get one or two. But the important thing is, there’s someone. If you feel like you have no one, remember your art is for yourself. You’ll always have one, even if that is yourself. This might all seem contradictive. But trust, only you matter when it comes to your own artwork.

This “speech”, if you can call it that, isn’t to deter people from drawing and posting their ocs. This is just to say, engagement shouldn’t matter. As long as you’re happy, that’s all the matters. Post and draw what you want aslong as it’s not straight ripping from someone else. Idc.

This whole thing was supposed to be abt Cara but it turned into a uhh,, Ted talk of sorts. I’m not saying people shouldn’t use cara, if it works for them then by all means go for it. But personally I will not be making it my main form of social media. In my opinion, it’ll be like that other art app people were using for a week before they forgot abt it, I forget the name of it but I remember the interface was a light pink, similar to Instagram,, but somehow worse.

IM GONNA SPECIFY THAT I DONT CONDONE AI STEALING PEOPLES ART EITHER,, just putting that out there because some people have a way of misunderstanding or misinterpretating things. Which is okay!! Because some people genuinely get confused and that’s alright. But like please don’t use so first handedly. With that being said, I’m just a nobody on the internet so why would you listen to me,, you won’t. But i uhh,, am gonna put that there anyways

Thanks if you read allat,, idk why you would but that’s anyways I guess😭😭😭

[sharkboywrites]

HIII If you're accepting requests rn I'd love to ask for something done! Floyd leech x autistic (preferably trans, but it's okay if not as well!) male reader! basically I'd love for my fave character to comfort me lol,,, Like... bodily affirmations, squeezes, lots of sweet kisses... maybe some crying... Idk!! just go with whatever comes to mind! (sorry if too vauge, I feel sooo braindead rn XD)

yah ty if you get around to this!!! it'd make my days so much better, I've already read all the stuff in the floyd x male reader tags so I'm feeling so deprived of good n' comforting content aughhh....

Bad Days

Floyd x autistic trans male reader

A/N: So funny thing I wrote like half of this and then my app reset so I have to rewrite almost I’ll of it :,) but anyways this is also kinda a comfort fic for me because I’ve been dealing with a lot of sensory issues and transphobia lately , along with being borderline denied an autism assessment so this is a fic for both of us anon

Trans male reader, autistic reader, dysphoria, sensory issues, autism meltdown, non sexual nudity

Days like these are tough. From the moment you woke up you could tell that something was wrong. It starts with the clothes. The shirt and jacket just feel wrong.

But there’s nothing else to wear so… you wear it. Then it gets worse in class. The temperature is just too much, and it makes your clothes feel so much worse, like you want to just scratch at your skin until the feeling stopped.

The noises the people make around you are unbearable. The gum chewing, the lip smacking, all of it is just to much. It makes you want to tear your hair out and rip your ears off.

The lights are too bright and everyone is just so loud, it’s starting to feel like your getting a migraine, like you just can’t take it anymore and start screaming at any moment.

And of course somehow these feelings just make you more aware of your body. You’re suddenly hyper aware of your chest, your waist, your face, even your voice. It’s all too much.

Luckily, when you first came to Night Raven Colege, you thought ahead about this. It was important for your teachers to understand your situation, diagnosis or not.

Crewel was aware of your situation, and with one look you’re able to slip out of class. You rush back to your dorm as quickly as possible, suddenly grateful that classes were going on so nobody could see you. You can’t help the whines that slip from your throat as you desperately try to hold yourself back from completely breaking down into a mess of screams and cries.

You’re able to quickly make it back to your dorm, locking yourself in your room and throwing off your uniform. Sure, being completely naked almost in tears in your dorm room isn’t the most flattering thing, but you just had to get that stupid uniform off.

Rubbing down the worst feeling parts of your body, you’re able to calm down enough to dig out your favorite clothes and throw them back on, even if they not be in the best state. You just need them right now.

Being able to use any type of noise cancelling headphones or earbuds helps calm you down a little bit more. Just having them in, even if you’re not playing anything, it helps get all of the noises from the day out of your head.

A drink of water also helps. In very few gulps you’re able to swallow almost an entire bottle of water. You lay down in your bed, breathing heavily as you start to calms down in a safer environment.

As you lay in bed, you can feel your soft blanket in your feet, rubbing them back in forth to get a nicer sensation than what you were feeling for most of the day.

Taking a few more sips of water, completely finishing off the water bottle, you take your stim toy of choice. You have all of your favorite options thanks to everyone at NRC giving them to you. As you fidget and play one of your favorite videos, you start to think. You managed to slip out of class, and you didn’t even hurt yourself or make a complete mess of your room. At least that’s some progress.

You’re cut off by your thinking by a knock on the door. Not able to form words at the moments, you pull yourself out of bed and peek out of the door.

Standing there is your tall, rather intimating boyfriend.

“Eh? Shirmpy what happened? You just left class so suddenly…”

He has his usual playful drone to his voice, but you can tell the slight hint of concern, a difference you’re sure only you and his brother can notice.

You stay silent, just giving him a pained look and hoping he understand. He does.

“Not talkin’? Alright… you want me to stay?”

You’re able to give him a small nod, and he walks right in and practically jumps onto your bed, making grabby hands at you, his mood doing almost a 180, as he usually does.

You could always depend on Floyd to understand what you’re going through. He also has his fair share of his own mood swings and tantrums, he’s never judge you for your own.

You walk back to bed and slowly slink into his arms, leaning against his chest comfortably. Floyd was somehow never too hot or too cold to cuddle with. He was somehow always the perfect temperature no matter what you were feeling. It almost feels like he knows how to control his own body temperature on purpose.

He squeezes you tight, not as hard as he does when he’s mad at someone or intentionally trying to hurt them, but a real, genuine hug. And it’s perfect. Others would complain that his squeezes are way to tight, but to you it’s perfect. He’s almost like a weighted blanket. You’re glad you make him feel safe enough to hug you as hard as he wants with genuine love.

He snuggle close to you, leaving soft kisses on his he top of your head and cheek, but not anywhere that may be uncomfortable in your overstimulated time. He’s mindful of where exactly he’s touching you, he knows what parts don’t want to be touched in these moments, even the most obscure ones.

As the two of you snuggle and watch whatever you chose to put on, he mutters sweet things to you.

“I love yooou.” “My boyfriend….” “My boy.” “So handsome”

It seems like he’s in a lovey mood now. Even with his sudden switches, he always seems to know the right things that you need to hear. He also checks up on how you’re feeling.

“Are ya comfortable?” “Feelin’ any better?” “Are you too warm?” “Do ya want your stuffed animal?” “Want me to move my arms?”

When you aren’t talking, the both of you are in a comfortable silence. It starts to become hard to keep your eyes open after the day you’ve had combined with the cozy environment with your boyfriend holding you tight.

Eventually, you can’t fight the exhaustion anymore and feel yourself starting to drift. Before you fully fall asleep, you feel a soft kiss on the top of your head and the arms around you squeeze just a bit tighter.

“G’night Shirmpy, sweet dreams…”

Aaah I love writing comfort fics. Usually my head cannon style posts do better than my actual fics so I guess I’ll see how this goes. Also this is based on my own experience with autism, so if it doesn’t fit you I’m sorry, Ty for reading and have a nice day

[fizzigigsimmer]

So I went to the Upside Down con on Sunday, and got a picture with Joe. I also sat in on a panel with him, Mason & Grace, which resulted in me introducing @robthegoodfellow to the absolute shudder fest that is Flowers In The Attic, later at the hotel. But before we were subjecting ourselves to incest flavored southern gothic horror, there was the con - which was way more chill than I was expecting.

Anyway some reflections, observations and a few pics under the cut. Sorry there aren’t a lot of pictures. My dinosaur phone is full of apps for work and has storage issues.

I’ve been to a few of these types of events in the past and it is always a mixed bag. Overall I thought Epic did a great job of keeping things organized and moving swiftly. It was a younger crowd on Sunday so there was generally speaking a very lighthearted atmosphere to the whole thing and generally less “mania” as some of the larger cons I have been to. But on the other hand, I think a touch of the fan frenzy has its place lol. You love to see the costumes and feel the energy… there’s something about being in a space full of people who all really love something who have come to celebrate hard - the celebratory festival vibes I think is what I missed most from this convention. But that said, it’s super young, it was a great time, and there’s always room to grow.

I will never be over the disappointment of missing Dacre, but meeting Joe was lovely. It was obvious that he was tired and (to me) he seemed a bit awkward and anxious, but it made the experience better because he was so normal about the way he welcomed and spoke to everyone despite these things. He felt real to me in a way that not everyone does. My rose tinted glasses and giddiness aside, I left the interaction feeling not like I had met someone important or been in the presence of ‘SOMEONE’ but rather that I had stood next to a nice guy who’d been told only minutes before where to stand, but who did it with sincerity.

I observed this not just in our blink and you’ll miss it interaction, but with everyone I watched him meet that day. He smiled and engaged with people, making little jokes and comments to make them feel welcome; despite the fact that besides Millie he had the largest crowds, and this was the last day so he must have been drained. He’s very good with kids. I enjoy kids but don’t find them the easiest to immediately connect with/talk to, so I admire folks who can just immediately get on their level and banter with them and that’s what I observed with Joe as he met younger fans. In answer to a question of how he became the babysitter he said it came natural because he grew up with four sisters and he’s used to it. Also, when he initially met the younger cast they were already smarter than him “so it all just came together”.

On the panel, which he could have easily dominated, he was never first to speak unless a fan directly pointed a question at him. This allowed for Grace and Mason to speak just about as often as he was speaking. Which was a relief because the imbalance of the panel was something that I as well as other attendees had noticed. Our group had actually had a discussion about this and whether we should or shouldn’t ask Joe direct questions with a young woman sitting near us as we waited for the panel to start. A few fans did end up directing their questions solely at Joe, but it wasn’t as imbalanced as we feared it could be and I think that’s due in part to the audience’s mindfulness but also to Joe being so laid back and willing to take a back seat. Literally, lol he sat in the furthest chair that was blocked by a big column in the center of the room. When he did speak he was funny and once again came off as very easy going and authentic. The Steve vibes were strong with many of his answers to random questions - particularly the one about what other role they’d take in the industry if they could. His was prop design, because it would be fun to see what he could come up with and what chaos might result. He then made a little joke about bringing some sort of rice when they had asked for knives.

This is no slight to Joe as an actor but more of a critique/observation of the Duffers, but I am even more convinced than I was before that Steve’s core is Joe and that the character we get is pieced from Joe’s acting choices. I think they were being very literal with the fact that they loved him as a person and decided to keep him around. It feels very much like when they ditched their original plan for the character they also tossed most of the character development around it. Now when they find him things to do each season I would put money down on the mindset being 80% “ooh we’d love to see Joe do this thing or say this thing!” and only about 20% who is Steve and what would he do. The end result is Steve/Joe are now only separated by very thin lines. While it’s not how I would do things it’s not a terrible thing across the board - Steve is after all very lovable and we got 5 seasons with him. Anyway, I could be wrong but that’s my honest take.💁🏾‍♀️

I would love to pick Joe’s brain one day and hear more about how he finds Steve in the soup and where he thinks the threads of character are (or were). Maybe one day!

[chained-to-the-mirror]

Health and wellbeing ponderings below the cut. If weight stuff triggers you, just look at this gorgeous winter sky and scroll on 🩵

I’ve been thinking about health a lot for a bit now. I’ve been quite tired over the holidays, and I also always get very tired at the beginning of the year (as I’m sure most of us do). This year I wanted to try and avoid that as much as possible, preemptively. 

I seriously overdid it with the sweet treats during and after Christmas, and as a result I have been very sluggish. Again, something many can relate to… I have stuck to my intermittent fasting as normal, but the things I’ve been eating during the eating window have been far from optimal. So, I think I ended up gaining back some of the weight I have gradually lost. I still don’t own a scale so I have no definitive way of knowing for sure, but I can feel the difference in some of my clothes. This alarmed me a bit, as weight gain always does. But more importantly: when I last had blood tests done (I think it was September), my ”bad” cholesterol was too high. Not a huge amount, but enough for my doctor to suggest things to lower it. This made me feel like I am failing a good human test - which is insane, but that’s how my brain works. As a fat person, I am not allowed to have health problems, because everything can be said to be caused by the excess weight. No matter how nonsensical, this is what I feel in my core at all times.

Anyway, after thinking it over a bit, I figured that I really should think of this as self care. I only have one body and it makes sense to keep it healthy and happy. So, after the holiday season passed, I decided I will try to do something. First, I downloaded an app for walking - which seems silly, but I need the external motivation. The idea is to walk every day, not a huge amount but enough to stay active. I’ve been doing this for a week now and I only have good things to say about it, really. And it hasn’t been as difficult to start as I originally feared. 

Second thing is a more tricky one, because of my history of eating disorders. In my fasting app, there has always been the option to log your meals as well, but I never used it before. Now, as an impulse, I decided to test the function. It’s very straightforward, and a lot of it relies on me posting a pic of my meal in the app. It analyzes and lists what it thinks is included, and offers those as a starting point. I can add things it doesn’t catch, and take out false suggestions. I can also change the portion sizes if the app is way off, but I’ve not been super particular with this because I’m not counting calories, and I’m not weighing my food. That was one of my most crippling issues during the ED years, and I will never go back to that. But the app is doing a lot of the thinking for me, and it gives me the thing I am most interested in, which is the amount of carbs, protein, and fat. Namely, getting enough protein and fat, because carbs are never going to be an issue. I want to get back to feeling good, and I will try this to see if it helps. So far it’s been a positive experience, and it encourages me to choose nutritious and wholesome stuff instead of constant feed of sugary treats. And I actually enjoy the taste of the things I eat, so it’s not just mindless devouring. I already feel a lot better, and it’s only been a week. I also know now that I’m doing what I can to be healthy, and that calms me a lot.

Another thing I’m trying to do as much as possible is eat more vegetables and fruit. I do alright with the fruit, but the veggies I really need to work at. Not because I don’t enjoy them (I love them actually) but mostly because I have not found natural ways to include them in my snacks and meals other than lunch, which is my main meal of the day. I always end up having the same side salad with lunch, and then basically bell pepper, cucumber, or cherry tomatoes with my other meals. If anyone has any good EASY options for this, I would love to hear them. I can only think of raw carrots, but I do not love eating them whole, and grating them would no longer be easy. Thankfully a lot of my lunches are vegetarian or at least leaning heavily of that side. I order a meal box service quite often, and the meals I pick from there are 99% vegetarian or vegan. This helps, but it would be good to have more veggies at EVERY meal.

I’m also eating a lot of gravlax currently - maybe not the best form to eat salmon in, but it works so well on rye bread. I have it instead of cheese a lot. And salmon is very good for me. Self care and all that.

I’m not sure why I wrote this? Maybe just to reach out and see if others are also dealing with the same stuff right now. It feels embarrassing to be a part of the New Year New Me phenomenon, but I hope that it lasts longer than till the end of January for me. 

If this sounds relatable to you, say hi in the replies. Or inbox me even. Would be nice to share experiences with someone.