#I’ve had this picture for a while
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#indycar#marco andretti#look at this baby#ready to race#I’ve had this picture for a while#but the link to the source doesn’t work any more#so have a b&w link
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Today’s Bird is: this pair of Eurasian Griffon Vultures (Gyps fulvus)!
#submission#todays bird#bird#birblr#for anyone curious- they’re both rescues !! they were both brought into this rescues care at a p young age#as they had previously been raised in poor captivity#Arin is the one with one wing ! unfortunately his wing had to be amputated - but fortunately that saved his life! hes now a permanent#resident of the rescue :)!! the other fella just prefers to loaf - not 100% sure why some vulture loaf like that but I’ve seen some do it i#the wild too so ? im assuming it indicates being relaxed or digesting after a meal but I’m not sure exactly what this behavior indicates (i#anything !) so if anyone reading these tags knows / has any thoughts I’d love to hear <33!!#and pictures here are their temp enclosure while their permanent living space is being cleaned !#vulture#griffon vulture
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an excerpt from tell me we do not live in vain by valleykey
#fyozai#fyodor dostoevsky#dazai osamu#bungou stray dogs#fic rec#I pasted a few pictures together from my favorite scene from one of my new favorite if not possibly the most favorite fyozai fanfiction#I’ve ever read#i had a spiritual awakening while reading it I’m not even kidding#amazing work#this fic will be the most therapy I’ll get in my young adult life
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narcissa lucretia black < 3
it’s not your fault your bows were so cunty your husband had to steal them
#i’ve actually had these pics locked and loaded for a while#i hope you guys appreciate that i pulled tumblr up on safari on my phone so i could post all the pictures#the ten pics mobile app limitation is homophobic against my creative vision#her middle name comes from her dad’s favourite cousin#i just love that fact#and by fact i mean i made it the fuck up#narcissa lucretia black#narcissa black#narcissa malfoy#narcissa black moodboard#narcissa black headcanon#narcissa malfoy moodboard#narcissa malfoy headcanon#lucissa#whitecastle#marauders#marauders era#hp marauders#dead gay wizards from the 70s#alex moodboards
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#everything’s fine and I’m fine I’m just saying this to say it rn#I don’t know what I would choose to do if he WAS still alive and I COULD still report officially#but a large part of me is really really glad that that mayor is dead. and I don’t ever have to hear him or see him at events or feel his#unusually long weird fingernails and iron grip while telling me to smile for pictures ever again#a part of me would love to confront him#but most of me is just glad he’s gone and can’t scare me or make life hell for my parents ever again#he never should’ve gotten away with all the things he did for so many years. but he did.#now that we’re here in the present. it’s a gift to get to move on from it knowing he’s not still out there at least#he was a gross greedy person with police and government power and never should’ve had those positions for so many decades like he did#but that being said. he can’t ever speak to or touch me again.#I’m not grateful now. I wasn’t grateful then after he stopped pretending either. but I’m glad I get to walk away and never live near#any subdivision or building or anything else with his name or picture#ever again. and he’s never able to touch another child ever. good riddance. you gross greedy poor excuse for a public servant.#now I’m gonna go try to write some of what I’ve learned into a fic to help my future self and others#who do you think came out on top at the end of the day mayor L?#I came out of this with friends and kindness and gentleness and healthy rage. you died just as greedy and fake and paranoid as you lived.#I hope you got better towards the end. for your wife and family’s sake.#I get to protect others from people like you for the rest of my life. and I’ll win.#because I deserve it and every current kid deserves it too.#shh katie
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“Made the right choice then.”
Fanart of @yeyinde ‘s cyber-Price from Neon Medusa !!! I intended to render this fully but I got sick so this hardline version will have to do 😭 pls pretend something visually stimulating is happening in the background I got halfway through this drawing and realized I don’t know how to draw backgrounds OR men so
#i’ve been a anxious to post this bc i’m not super happy with how it turned out#it’s been done for like three days but#this cold is kicking my ass and I figure im not gonna be able to repaint this for a long while#I thank god and google dot com for pictures of takemura bc I had NO idea what a grumpy old military man would wear in a cyberpunk setting
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I know you all are awaiting my response, and I’m grateful for your patience. There are some things I have to address here. Never wanted to put everything out there—I don’t like drama on my blog. I have a document that’s over a thousand words long, but I realized that when people have blocked me and are saying stuff in the main tag, they don’t want to listen. They just want to hurt me.
So I guess now there are things I have to clarify… it’s heavy, but I tried to keep it short. I didn’t have the energy to read everything they were saying about me so I may get things wrong. I didn’t really want to post this.
Content warnings for mental illness, suicidal ideation, mentions of abuse.
Let’s get right into it.
1. I’ve always lived with the paranoid delusion that everyone was conspiring against me, that people secretly hated me and would smear me behind my back. I passed these off as negative thoughts, anything that might’ve “confirmed” this would set it off. I’d have an episode I would have to deal with on my own. I thought that nobody would stick with me in a crisis, and I would always be thinking along the lines of, “is it all over?”
I feel liberated, now. There’s no need to fight when they’re true. I am more at peace with myself.
2. I never want to hurt anyone. Not a real level, the angst stuff is fictional pain. I am autistic—the things you’re hearing me say are the first times I’ve talked to people (other than my family) for my entire life. I always want people to go to me when I do something wrong so I can handle it and learn from my mistakes, that’s why I have my bio set to what it is.
That, and my memory is so fuzzy that I can’t remember too much from even last week. I tend to dissociate and my brain turns into mush.
3. The “minor incident” that Ghouse and the others were talking about was one of his mods saying she’d “tear people apart” and then immediately citing me as the main cause because I was “being rude.” I told her why I was taking a break, as I couldn’t handle it, this had happened before and I asked them to correct me if I was wrong—even confirming multiple times that we were just joking around because I was paranoid.
I suggested they go straight to me for future reference. I was having a mental health episode. She called me crazy and that I was overreacting, implying I was stupid. Another mod told me I was overreacting and that I was acting pathetic and childish. This made point 1 so much worse.
4. The “suicide baiting” was something I told the Panic Room server in confidence. I told them I was talking a break. Ghouse said “it wasn’t that bad but okay,” as if he were gaslighting me. He said things like this as I was sobbing alone in my room, which he was well aware of.
I have to clarify that it wasn’t baiting. Suicidal ideation has been something I’ve been dealing with since I was 9 years old. I have been abused/gaslit for more of my life than I have been safe. I never wanted to say this, but they were brushing me off at a point where I was trying to find a reason to live. I had stupidly thought that they would understand what they were doing to me if I said.
5. That was the first time I had an episode like that. To say that it was baiting is to say I was lying. Let’s play devil’s advocate here.
If I were lying for attention, why would I destroy all my relationships in a single night? Why wouldn’t I make art or something along those lines? They’re big on art.
If I wasn’t, then that would mean that I was having a few bad days and they did nothing to help me… beyond condescendingly saying that I need help. I don’t blame the minors in the server, I’m talking about Ghouse, who is older than I am by around 2 years. I told them I called 988 and it didn’t really work. He continued to tell me off.
After I was kicked I was made aware that they immediately started insulting me. Whether you believe me or not, purposely attacking someone who’s mentally ill is… too far. I hadn’t done anything to them before this incident.
6. The reasons I freaked out was because I was sad that I had unintentionally hurt people, I had started a new, dangerous job, and… well, to be honest, I was terrified.
They were making me forget that I’d been hurt. I was starting to trust them. I had been starting to look forward to tomorrow. And, I was so scared that it would all be over. I didn’t know when, just that it would be.
Now, it is.
7. I may very well have been joking around with everything while on the server, but serious topics were serious. I was never “demeaning” when Ghouse was venting about something that happened to him beyond a couple of lighthearted comments. I thought they’d have the same respect for me. Again, I had confirmed multiple times that I was joking.
8. I might not have done much wrong in the Panic Room situation, but the other things that people are saying about me? I had no idea.
That was the first time I’d ever heard of them.
In the past, my autism had gone completely unchecked. some of those things were from when I was a week into being on my first server… ever. I was 17, had no idea how to check for age or even pronouns. Never used anything but tumblr, never interacted with anyone. Never went to school or even had a job at that point. I more tried to figure out everything based off of my own experiences… which was, not good. To say the least. The things I did, in my head, I thought they were “normal.” This doesn’t make it less terrible, but I hadn’t even remembered some of the incidents until someone pointed it out. It was so mundane to me—I was a messed up child. I’m sorry for this.
8. I wasn’t the best person, I really wasn’t. I didn’t know how to “mask” my traits at that time, I was excited to be able to talk to people. I was protective over my friends (my first friends! ever!) and very clingy. I didn’t know that people held characters close to their hearts, either? (When I have a favorite, I only want to hurt them, you see)
So while the doc was deliberately taking things out of context, some of the other accusations are true, unfortunately. I will be posting my DMs between me and the people on the server in my doc.
9. I have explanations for what I’ve seen of the accusations, but I don’t really recall anything from that incident over 3 years ago… if someone had told me, or even confronted me, I’d have known what was wrong. But they didn’t, and they kept talking to me like everything was normal. I was completely unaware. This is most of the reason I thought people were plotting against me—people would be cold to me and I wouldn’t know why. The worst part is that I can’t apologize. I can’t even try to rectify anything. Some of the people in that server still played PAYDAY 2 with me, some would even reply to my DMs. I had… no idea.
I have hurt people. Unknowingly, but still. I apologize to anyone I’ve affected. Most of it was not knowing how basic social media functions worked. I hope you understand that my behavior was out of line, and that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Don’t defend me on that, I was entirely wrong. But… smearing me in the fandom tag instead of going to me directly means that they want to attack me. They don’t want an explanation.
All of my actions were genuine. I never intended to hurt anyone, but that’s what ended up happening. I’ll put more detail into the doc.
10. I was already going to take a break. I was already doing poorly, and the server knew this. At that point, they want me to go through with it. What else would they be saying when they do all of this? Unless I’m reading that wrong. Whatever the reason is, they don’t want to help me, they’re deliberately being malicious and they know I wasn’t baiting.
Although, I guess I have to thank them. Now, I can say that I wasn’t delusional. I can say that I was too smart for my own good. How crazy does it sound to think that everyone was just waiting to betray me? But… they were. I can begin to trust myself again, even if it’s accepting some of my “negative thoughts” as reality. I won’t be reaching out to anyone I don’t already know, and there is safety in never putting myself out there again.
Thank you to everybody who stuck around. My delusions… weren’t entirely correct. Just like how most of my former friends blocked me on sight, there were a few people who didn’t mind when I wasn’t responding. There are some people who believed in me to a point where even if all those accusations were true, they believed that I could change. That’s… something I never thought I’d hear, ever, in my life. That is a form of trust I don’t deserve, really.
So, I was wrong again. Not everyone wanted me gone. It took all of this for me to realize that there were people who loved me in the truest form of it.
As for everyone who cut me off… well, I hope you understand that because of my mental issues, I can never trust you beyond a professional level. It is for my own wellbeing, because I’m still not doing good. I will still be taking that break. The PAYDAY 2 fandom was a source of reprieve for me, and now it’s not. It wasn’t an accident that it turned out that way. All my safe spaces have been taken from me. I don’t know why the Panic Room server hated me, so I can’t provide any extra insight on that.
The truth is, I haven’t been around because I’ve been dealing with depression for a long time. I’ve been passively… yknow. Not actively. I haven’t had the energy to respond to anything on most days, I’m sorry for that :(
All of this was just the breaking point, really.
Thank you for reading. I know most people won’t, but I appreciate those who do. I won’t blame the rest of you if you all decide to leave as well, I understand that. I never made the blog for other people, I made it for myself. This whole thing will serve as a reminder that there are more important things than online spaces. Can’t get therapy because I’m broke, but I can enjoy the few things I still can… even if I’m reminded of what I’ve lost. I don’t think I’ll really be here anymore, but I will be okay.
#tw suicide mention#tw mental illness#tw abuse#I’m not putting it in main tag#I know that nobody will believe me#the document I have has pictures and photos with evidence#I’ll post it on a different account about a month from now#I don’t like drama on my blog#beyond the things that ppl have taken from years ago plus my breakdown on the panic room server I haven’t done anything else#(excluding a personal fight me and an ex-confidant had that was only between me and them. it involved no one else)#also… “salty wet’’ was the worst thing I said in the server. ever#because I am ace and I’ve never written actual….. yknow…… before.#the panic room would say downright s*xual things on the daily; with Ghouse never really discouraging them from doing so#I have a screenshot of him replying to a minor like this too#it was very common#…#but I will put it in the doc instead#all of the things tarot card put in their doc was taken out of context#it’s kind of weird that Ghouse is having a minor lead his charge?#he was talking about moving in with a minor… if he really cared about inappropriate conduct he wouldn’t talk about that#…oh. and; some people who blocked me had commissions in progress#so if they’re reading this… keep the playlist. keep the money. I understand. it was fun while it lasted.#those things belong to you now
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Skeletons from a closet at my school
#made this as a portfolio piece#but also bc I took a picture of them when someone had set them up like this and I loved it so much I just had to#haven’t posted in a while cuz I’ve been busy with Very Importany Summer Buisness (and watching a plethora of D&D shows)#not my usual style but one I’ve been having fun messing around with recently#my art#skeleton art#skeletons#skeletons in love#skeletons in the closet#literally
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I work as the person in an amusement park who watches the children who get lost. Here’s some advice. This also applies to any mentally disabled adults that are under your care. Keep in mind that many places will not look for a minor ages 13-17 unless it is close to closing or they are disabled, as corporate considers it a strain on resources and employee use.
1. Teach them your phone number. Best gift you can give them. I’m not supposed to have my phone out at work but I can cut down dependent’s being-lost-time by probably 400% if I can contact you. It also assures the children That We Are Doing Something and that They Are Helpful and Smart. If your dependent has a poor memory, apparently writing your phone number in sharpie and then covering it in nail polish makes it stay all day, even if they’re sweaty or getting in the water. I haven’t tested this but I’ve heard a lot of moms recommend it. I’ve also seen bracelets with little plates or the beads saying the phone number.
Addendum: your dependent may tell you that they know your phone number, but they actually only know your passcode. True story. This summer has been a lot better, but last summer exactly one child the entire season knew his mom’s phone number.
2. Acknowledge that dependent’s memories are faulty, especially in new places. If you tell them to meet you in X spot or that your stuff is all in Y place, they may not remember where it is or remember how to get there.
3. All dependents, but especially little ones, have shit time sense. They might find your stuff, wait there for a minute or two, and truly believe that they’ve been there for an hour. Half the small kids that are brought to me are ones who *know* where their stuff is, but haven’t seen an adult they know personally in 5 minutes, so they’re going to panic.
4. Don’t take naps!!! And don’t let your dependent go anywhere you can’t go or at least go where you catch them at the end!!! Yes you’re staring at the play structure your dependent entered, but can you see them? No? Then there’s a good chance they went elsewhere. So many of the littler kids that are brought to me are brought by genuine, good-hearted strangers who see lost children and take them by the hand. Away from the spot you’re napping in front of/staring vaguely at.
5. This might just be something from my work, but we will not call dependent’s descriptions over the loudspeaker. This is because if an asshole were to see your dependent, hear the description, know it’s a lost dependent, and decide to steal it, they can then use the excuse, “I know where your guardian is! Come with me!” And then lead them out of the park or toss the dependent over their shoulder. Do you know how many crying and screaming dependents leave the location every day? A lot!!! We’re a fun location!!! We’re not going to know if the dependent is screaming because they don’t want to leave or if a stranger is taking them away. We might call the description over the loudspeaker if it’s past closing time and the dependent still isn’t found. But before that, we will only report it over secure radios across the park.
6. Tell a park worker right away. Preferably someone with a radio. Even if you spot the dependent within the next minute, that means the dependent will have less being-lost time. Especially if we already have the dependent with, you guessed it, me. Also please tell us when you find the dependent.
7. Take a picture of your depdendent at the start of the day! That way security guards can have a good idea of what to look for. One mother told me her daughter was blonde and showed me a picture. Her hair color looked brown to me, but then I knew what to look for in the crowd.
8. Keep at least one person in your group in one spot at all times, especially if you don’t have access to your phone or forgot to give out your phone number to the guards. That way they can find you if they pick up the dependent. If you are the only person in your group, then PLEASE stay in one place or at least stay with ONE security guard. It sucks for the dependent if they can’t find you right away even if the both of you are looking for each other and a guard is helping them. You are NOT helping if you panic and run around. And keep your goddamn phone on you and answer calls from unknown numbers!!!!! God. This is a good time to do that.
9. If you lose your dependent in an attraction like the lazy river at a water park, and you have that ONE person staying in place, then this is what you can do with 1+ mobile people.
A. If only one person can be spared to be mobile, have them pick a spot and stay right there, watching the river go by. Eventually, if the dependent is in the river, they’ll go by.
B. If you have two people that can be mobile, both start at the same place in the river and go opposite directions. If you meet up again without spotting the dependent, well, they’re not there.
C. If you have more than 2 people, you can do B but also station different adults at the lazy river entrances/exits.
10. Don’t blame the dependent! Even if they ran away and/or are pissy that you’re upset once you all reunite, trust me, there’s a 99% chance they’re upset too. Yes, this is a good time to have a serious conversation with them. Yes, if this is a repeated problem, and/or you warned them you’d leave the park if this occurred, you should not back down. But also - they’re dependents. They’re not stupid, and they should be told consequences and dangers so they can make good decisions, but they will never have the adult/guardian perspective that you do. Be kind.
Also please for my sake teach them if they’re brought to someone like me, that it’s THEIR job to be safe and listen to me while us park workers look for you. It’s YOUR job to find the dependent, not the dependent’s job to find you. I had a six year old little girl genuinely toddler-howl at me because she wanted to go look for her mom. I’ve never before heard a kid her age howl like that. I can trick kids out of crying 9/10 times but howling came as a surprise lmao. I think I can manage it now that I’ve experienced it but damn.
Also make sure those kids are DRINKING. Being in a water park is NOT the same as drinking water. They should be drinking every 15 minutes at LEAST, I am NOT kidding.
Also if I call you to tell you your kid is here, please don’t call or text me back after you have the kid. I’m sure other places have phones for these types of things but the only one I have is my personal phone. And I am happy to get the kid off my hands and into your arms, but I’m using my personal phone so plz. Don’t call me back. Absolutely call me if you need directions to my ‘office’ in the park. Don’t call or text me after. I have stories about that hoo boy but this post is already long.
#I am not exaggerating when I say howling#not in a wolf way more like a howler monkey if you have no idea what human toddler cries sound like#I like kids of all ages but there’s a reason why#I’m not going to teach elementary school#I am the person in the *place I work* where if a kid is lost#the staff brings the kid to me until the parents are found#so like. I’m never going to see these kids at their best#I wish I could just hug them but I’m barely allowed to hold their hand if I’m escorting them to get water#this time of year their emotions are heightened by the fact that they’re almost certainly dehydrated#but if they’re a flight risk I do NOT want to risk losing the kid#so I have to wait until#a coworker comes by to get them some water sometimes#the howler girl = this kid#this kid was reunited with her mom without too much time going by thank god#she was a huge fucking flight risk omg#she desperately wanted to go find her mom and I’m like#GIRL you are the lost six year old ITS YOUR MOM’S JOB TO FIND YOU!!! Your job is to stay safe!!!#and color this pretty picture oh god please look back at the coloring page instead of calling upon the hounds of hell#I like to assure every kid that is brought to me that#1. mom’s (or whoever) not going to leave without you (sometimes this is a lie judging from the parents.still very important to tell kids thi#2. they did the right thing asking for an adult’s help#3. as they are literally a kid it’s not their fault they’re lost (again a little debatable with the older kids but still they’re minors)(so#I tell them all this)#4. it’s their job to stay safe while we find your mom#5. now do you want some water?#it’s more obvious in the pale kids but I’ve had so many Black and Brown kids come up to me the last couple days looking positively pink#those kids needed water. so I try to get everyone water#it pisses off my coworkers but idgaf. everyone has a legal right to water in this state esp in the summer#and even if they didn’t#fuck you I’m stealing it. these kids need water
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my brain after finding two monkees records i already have: oh my GOD!! the store owner should give me those free because I already HAVE THEM and the ONES I HAVE ARE IN BETTER CONDITION.
like sorry brain. this man does not care about your record collection. he’d only care about it if you were SELLING IT TO HIM.
#the monkees#i just got so excited to find monkees#i always dig through for monkees but i think i’ve bought all the good ones already#this is the local store where i found the fnb 45s#in short: i need to learn that i can’t just HAVE every monkees record i see#i just love the monkees and love hoarding old beat up objects#i could’ve haggled him for a price but i had another thing i wanted to buy and i definitely didn’t have enough on me for what he would’ve#charged#(though he is always nice to me)#(he brought out a beautiful picture sleeve monkees 45 for me from the back a while ago)
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The aesthetic on my phone is giving right now and I’m exciting to see what it changes to in the next hour
#I’ve never bothered making my phone screens look pretty until yesterday so let me live this moment several others had years and years ago#the Kakashi one shows a slide show of various characters/goofy pictures#while the bottom row is just my home feed
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#share the beans#Peaches the cat ᓚᘏᗢ#she looks so cute behind the sunflowers!!#shhh ignore the slightly messy table haha#I went to a sunflower festival a while ago and got to run through SO MANY SUNFLOWERS#it was so fun!#the sunflowers were so tall and there were so many I had no idea how to get out lol#I just ended up walking in one direction and hoping it was the right way to get me out sooner#I heard people doing Marco Polo and just shouting at each other from various parts of the sunflower field to find each other#anyways here is peaches!!!!#I haven’t posted a picture of her ina. while but I’ve been thinking about it#she’s so cute#I said it’s been a while but I see why sense of time is still wildly off - I posted a picture of her about a week ago#I thought it was longer than that haha
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oh my god found another of my mum’s recipe books and it has her biryani recipe,well at least the masala she used to make for it
#the thing is my youngest sister remembered this recipe book and she mentioned it to me and i couldn’t remember what it looked like at all#like nothing bc my memory has been so bad#this was a while ago now#but for some reason i either remembered what the booked looked like when i woke up or it was in a dream idk#book*#and so i could clearly picture it so i went looking for it and found it#and to my surprise it had the biryani recipe#which yeah i’ve been missing my mums biryani sooo much#and me and my other sister have been saying we’re gonna try and make it together and try and remember what my mum had taught us both#bc we’ve only ever made it with my mum and neither of us wrote it down
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Disco Elysium Spoiler
Disco Elysium Spoiler
Disco Elysium Spoiler
Disco Elysium Spoiler
INSULINDIAN PHASMID??!!
#THE FUCK?#I like this game#I’ve had a great time playing it#I have a screenshot of Kim’s glowing performance review#and of the +2 modifier I got for him really trusting me#I also started automatically screenshotting the dialogue I found funny for some reason#it turns out Garte is funny enough that he looks like a main character#real talk though I think Garte might be my favourite character after my brother and best friend Kim#I keep picturing him cleaning my room like the ‘no one helps me in this family’ cat meme#while in the background a concussed Kim who should really be resting#staggeres in through the bathroom to make sure I’m still alive#Sorry cop is sorry for not contributing to this team#sorry cop will play more board games and bring more dead birds until you like sorry cop again#disco elysium#disco elysium spoilers
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The worst part of using the names of people you know for your characters is if you have a falling out with one of them and now you can’t change the character’s name because it’s theirs now. And you can’t change their personality because that just doesn’t work for the story. Pain in the ass.
#it’s such a pain#I have a lot of coworker friend with interesting last names#and I’ve used more than one of those last names in my story#then I had a falling out with one of the coworker friends#who’s last name I used for one of my main characters#this character has to stay alive for the entire book#not sure about other books in the series but he has to stay alive for the entire firet one#he’s meant to be a sarcastic but loving person and I can’t change his character because then he wouldn’t mesh with the other mains#and it wouldn’t end up as heartbreaking when one of the other mains turns#so here I am#writing this adorable fun loving sarcastic wholesome little guy#while I can’t even look at a picture of the person who’s name I used because it makes me mad
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jesus fucking christ the vibes on the main blog are atrocious rn. can I hang out with you guys for a while 🥺🥺
#im just gonna live here now I’ve decided#(that’s a lie I’m so going back to the main blog instantly I can’t help it)#it’s just. so yucky over there :C ick#chatting tag#*standing in ur doorway in the middle of the night* guys I frew up 🥺#guys I had a nightmare can I sleep in ur bed 🥺🥺🥺#it’s scaryyyy over there *looks nervously at the ofmd fandom*#i think I would like to just look at pretty pictures for a while if that’s alright with you
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