#I’ve had a tiring day man
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I thought that health inspector was real and now I’m sad
#I’ve had a tiring day man#I won’t go into it#wowww I’m not oversharing crazy#I just don’t want people to worry#rotomblr#pkmn irl#dash commentary
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I’m genuinely so fucking sick of the “you all would have loved it if it was Eddie who made that comment” take.
First of all, Eddie wouldn’t have made comment then, bc he knows how hard it is for Buck to talk about his emotions, & is REALLY good at giving him the space to talk about them, even if he does make jokes, they’re not out of pocket (the coming out scene, anyone? Breaking the tension with a joke & still being supportive without making a joke of his feelings.)
Secondly, even if Eddie DID make that comment, I’d probably still roll my eyes, but I’d be more willing to accept it. Do you wanna know why???
Who was the person that knew the details of what Buck was talking to his therapist about during their emergency session before the Buckley’s visit? Who is the first one they show at Buck’s side when he gets stuck in the warehouse trying to pull Saleh out after learning about Daniel?? Who is the one who was pacing downstairs in the station & making sure Buck was okay after the warehouse, and the one who warned him about his visitors??
Who was the one praying at Bobby’s bedside, right next to Buck in the hospital?
(I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the dude that’s had 10 minutes of fucking screen time that everyone forgot about post s1.)
It wouldn’t have been the same bc TOMMY AND EDDIE ARE NOT THE SAME. They are not on the same level of knowing Buck & understanding when to make jokes & what jokes to make. Your best friend, partner & co-parent of 6 years and the man that you haven’t even called your boyfriend yet are not on the same level of familiarity.
I get that you’re pissed that Tommy is being compared to Buck’s previous love interests (which would be the case, even if he wasn’t just as shitty & uninterested in Buck as a person as they all were) but if you genuinely think that he’s anywhere near Eddie’s level, EVEN PLATONICALLY, then I fear that you have been watching another show entirely, & I encourage you to watch more than just s7, bc that’s the only explanation I can come up with for why this fuck ass take exists.
#911 abc#buddie#this isn’t really about the buddie relationship but I think it’s still relevant#I’m so tempted to tag BT bc I think the ones saying this have lost the entire plot of the fucking show#but I’ve also only had like 8 hours of sleep in 2 days#& have almost had 3 panic attacks since Wednesday so I know I’d probably regret it#911 discourse#hating on a storyline/joke/character ≠ hating on a bunch of fans bc they don’t enjoy the same things that you do#eddie diaz#evan buckley#ryan guzman#oliver stark#this could have been a sweet moment to show Tommy taking care of Buck#but instead he made yet ANOTHER shitty & ill timed joke#Eddie has been right beside Buck through his entire journey with his parents#that gives him the right to joke about it#a man who Buck’s been on 3-4 dates with & hasn’t put any effort into their relationship since he planned the date#that he subsequently walked out in the middle of#does not have the same right#this is genuinely not a difficult concept??#like. think about your bff & then think about a new love interest. would you really be comfortable with those 2 people making the same joke#or would you laugh at your best friend’s & be a little off-put by your new potential love intrest???#anti T*van#I heard that tagging something as anti still shows up on that tag & Im just too tired to fucking fight
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feeling very grateful for the cute barista today who clearly clocked a) my fontaines d.c. tote, and b) the fact i was stuck on a spectacularly bad date, and proceeded to play me an entire playlist of fontaines d.c. and sneak me extra vegan marshmallows with my hot chocolate
#an absolute GEM 💗#we need more people in the world like this#they restored my faith in humanity 🙏#unlike my date#who was… well. i’ve been on worse ones i guess#but he monologued at me for a two and a half hours#and on the rare times i actually managed to get a word in edge ways or voice an opinion#he just twisted it round to suit what he’d been saying#it REALLY annoyed me#the entire thing annoyed me actually#i am so sick and tired of going on dates with straight white men who feel the need to explain everything to you#as if you’re not a person with a mind and experiences of your own#also wtf is the point on going on a date with someone when you aren’t remotely interested in getting to know them???#the man asked me maybe two questions total the entire afternoon#i could write his entire fucking biography#also at the end he said how cool and mysterious i was#and i’m like ????#i’m only mysterious because you’d prefer me to be that than an actual person who you could have had a proper conversation with#*breathes out slowly*#phew okay i was angrier about this than i thought lol#the older i get the less tolerance i have for shit like this 🫠#anyway yeah sorry#vent over 😅#i’m just so annoyed because i have SUCH limited energy atm with my pain and fatigue etc and i just wasted it on him ffs#but then again#the cute barista and the fontaines d.c. and the marshmallows were most definitely not a waste of my energy#they totally saved my day honestly 🙏#fontaines d.c.#lulu posts
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Here’s the speed draw of this
#tssm#the spectacular spider man#tssm venom#tssm harry osborn#tssm eddie brock#tssm peter parker#parksborn#symbrock#I’m like half tempted to redraw this now that I’ve improved on drawing characters#but I haven’t practices backgrounds yet so idk#speedpaint#I’m having severe artblock and depression#also I miss clicked on an art of an emo albino twink and now my for you has a bunch of art for an adult swim show I don’t watch on it#maybe I’ll watch it idk#just had bad past few days#I don’t wanna trauma dump in the tags#it’s late I’m tired#Riley draws
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e834441c95b30c48c9fbf7d50e1ee539/88dfb8e7a2d9bb83-ad/s540x810/44891e58d021d0f61a37ed746b9592d94c215d90.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/22e184f19fb9063e94d9363ce36444e9/88dfb8e7a2d9bb83-85/s540x810/dd039cf02cd0539a1610a537473fd5e3a0695b65.jpg)
w. when the bfs hug the gfs from behind
#[redacted] anime screenshot is only here bc it looks marginally better than lxl’s grainy 3d live models#yujiro is for all intents and purposes aizo’s gf (bc he’s the wife)#granted aizo has more doting wife energy in general… but this isnt about them. let’s go nghy!!!!!!!#this is the last post about the nghy single (for now) i swear. maybe.#man~~~~~~~ idk if it’s bc i’ve had a really tiring day at work but im wayyyyy too excited about the nghys#…to think that i was planning on continuing to tl idol sengen too… nah. that’s for tomorrow. tonight we nghy!!!!!!!!!#live laugh love nghy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#delete later#hi I need to scream into the void again#that ask couldn’t have come at a worse time jfc#I am. tired man#socialization is hard#burnout is kicking my ass#I can’t connect with people#at this point I just want to waddle around to different friend groups and ask to be adopted /srs#but I would feel guilty if I did so I just don’t#but I really want to#would anyone even want to drag me into their group#;-;#between the month I’ve had and the day today has been#and that ask I’m just#*lays on the floor*#I want to stop existing thanks#I’m sad and lonely and no matter how hard I try to fix that nothing works#I’m so close to just giving up man#2024 has been pure shit so far#and I hate it
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happy wednesday and good morning friendz <3 ! ! we are halfway thru the week so let’s get into some shenanigans ! ! ദ്ദി(。•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊ have a great day ! !
#woke up feeling a bit silly because i had a dream with my man in it mwehehe#the newest one *#mr kenji sato#dreamy sigh .#working on a lil something for him so stay tuned 🙂↕️🙂↕️#i’m trying to keep the yapping down about him bc i’ve been floooding the dms but !!! i !! love !! him !!#yeah 😓#anyway#queued up a zoro fic for today that’s been rotting away for too long so i’m throwing it on the dash because i can’t edit it anymore#love him. miss him. need him.#the braincell has been playing hot potato with going between kuroo zoro & kenji rn and im TIRED#also i’m updating my theme later to one of my old summer ones ( at least temporarily ) but im gonna miss the spring one :( !#sigh#i hope u all have a wonderful day ily ily !!!!!#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#🗣️ the daily yap .
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I wanted to draw something, so I decided to draw Magdalena and her Shadow.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/94217e642bd831488979e129ef4a4081/ef3b14d3fb26b48d-b4/s540x810/bbf71705f6d1d2e805229c267ab6ed684654ee9d.jpg)
I HC her as a musician, hence the strings. Most of everything else was just random stuff I threw in there. I haven’t really done a lot of thinking on what her Shadow would be :P doesn’t have a name or anything.
If you played Ghostwire: Tokyo, then it’s kind of similar to a Lamentation. Its eye opens up to a big mouth, with lots and lots of super sharp chompers, and it hangs off the ground when idle by more strings. It walks around on its hands, and leaves a trail of mist wherever it goes. It can either be super fucking loud, deafeningly so, or absolutely silent.
From a game standpoint, you would have to sneak up on it and sever the stings in the hole in its torso, then run like hell, as it’s very fast when it wants to be (the harder the game difficulty, the more stings there are). The key item would be some ornate scissors, unable to break, say, the police tape, but capable of cutting the strings that it leaves all over the place, like a giant web, revealing your position if you touch them. The shard is too slow at breaking the stings, and trying to cut them with it would just give you away. There would definitely be some tense sequences where you have to stand there cutting through some stings while you can hear the Shadow coming for you, only escaping at the last second.
There’s not very much you can do to it without the scissors, but its line of sight is very limited, and the mist that surrounds it can provide good cover if you’re careful. The eye can only really move like a wheel, making its mouth a virtual meat grinder. But it is very agile, and can move unpredictably.
Tbh, I mostly just wanted to make a Shadow design, and Magdalena was right there! Despite being a character that’s only briefly mentioned at the end of the game, and that has no design or information about her or anything, I love her lots. I just sorta ended up giving her her very own backstory and design.
#ugh I’ve had a headache all day#so tired bro#I keep flopping back and forth between ‘I’m not making this fic deadline’ and ‘man am I gonna have to wait to post this?’#but Magdalena has my brain and I wanted to draw something about her#not very happy with it cos it wasn’t what I had in mind. but I don’t have the skill or patience for what I have in mind so it’s just this#blep#ism magdalena#in sound mind
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The difficult thing about openly blogging about healing and going through a long period of growth publicly is the feeling of “I’m not doing super great, and it’s worse than it has been before” springs to mind, but for the X number of times you’ve said it in the past, it feels more trivial. And maybe that’s a sign that things have always been an up and down sort of pattern, and that it will pass again, but maybe it also serves to feel more isolating in not having the words or energy anymore to describe how it is *this* time. And it is a position that changes day to day, and on better days it feels more passable, and on worse the void feels more vast. The mere fact that it changes is probably a good sign, that nothing ever has to be set in stone. But boy are some days so, so dreadful.
#I guess a measure would be this feels like pre-move out times right now#when I was (physically) in a bad and unsafe place#and moving out has had its own stressors and anxieties#but the dread I feel is very reminiscent of another older time before then#I recently visited Texas with Spider and Sarah and Doc#we stayed at my parent’s place so it was definitely a mixed bag#I wish I wasn’t so messed up after every visit there#I thought it’d be better or easier with company after this time#but due to a variety of factors I’ve left the experience more tattered than I’d like#they had fun and it wasn’t a bad trip#but it wasn’t a great trip for me personally for loaded reasons#Spider knows to check in on me more in the coming days and weeks so that is good#FUCK man also I love this new song that came out but I CANNOT listen to it anymore and had to remove it from my playlist#because I kind of associate it with the trip now and it makes me cry every time I hear it haha#second song I ever had to do that with!!#I’m okay#just so very tired.
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I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,
#I miss her so much#dealing with a one sided crush on one of my closest friends no less has not been easy#we haven’t really hung out this year not bc of the feelings stuff but bc I was tired of always being the one to plan hang outs and outreach#this has always been our dynamic#she’s just not the initiator type#which was fine at first#but for me the more I put into a friendship the more I expect in return#so it was hard not to take it personally when things didn’t change after we talked abt it#anyway she graduated college today#and idk if it just really sunk in that this is very likely the last time we will ever be in proximity to each other#but something abt it just kinda hit me today#a part of me wishes she had reached out#but maybe this is for the best#I feel I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need every single time#the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship#I’ve always had a hard time letting people go#a part of me almost always cares about them for a long time#it’s hard bc my college experience was largely knowing that while I had friends I likely wasn’t their top choice#or part of their larger group#I floated around a lot which was cool sometimes and lonely other times#but if there was any person who I would have expected or I guess even just wanted to put in more of an effort it was her#personal#rambles#vent#it is complicated navigating friend expectations vs crush yearning#but I like to think that I can be rational enough to distinguish between the two#and so not ask for anything that is outside the reasonable expectation for friends#idk man it’s been an emo day overall ig
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I’ve started trying a new allergy medicine this week and y’all what the fuck
#it hasn’t given me a headache like all the others do#but fuck man#I feel like shit#I keep having to stop and sit down because Im getting nauseous just from standing#let alone walking around#and then after I sit down my chest starts to hurt#and like all day I’ve had the second most annoying headache type for me#and that’s the one in my neck right where it connects to my skull#that I can’t massage or anything because it just makes it worse#and im just so tired???#I don’t have any energy#and it all makes me irritable and fussy#and like it’s been a while since I’ve cried because I don’t feel good#but here we are#like I don’t even feel anything in particular right now???#like I can’t identify what feels wrong just that it does???#and it’s frustrating#anyway
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Man, you really have to work all of your life, huh….
#I felt so free after working 6 days straight (really 5 because of the day it rained and I had to go back home) and I’ve just been sleeping#now I gotta work all weekend and babysit white people for 8 hours 🚬🚶🏾♀️#great#also my location boss just got back from vacation with his bald headed ass#rambling#I was only off yesterday and today uhhh now I gotta do it all over again uajajaj#tired man
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long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on
#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is#but doing what makes you happy#and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures#+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck#while hurtful as fuck too#and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that#confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that#and it feels like it’s not gonna get better#like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love#feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me#and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face#I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible#my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man#I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria#and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone#should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot#I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine#because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too#and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after#and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous#I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t#it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain#but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time#what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore#I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but.#Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????
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bath + asparagus time
#I did some cleaning and my day’s gotten slightly better#long story short I’ve had a fucking weekend lmfao#last Thursday I had a complete breakdown on my way home prompted by like the smallest comment u could think of#nevertheless it made me sob violently#like picture florence pugh in midsommar but more hysterical#on Friday I had a good day!! but it was fuckin busy man and I didn’t get around to#half of the stuff I needed to#Saturday was also busy and on the way home from work my car started SMOKING!!!! from under the hood#nothing was on fire but it freaked me the fuck out and I couldn’t get it to the mechanic until today so I had to find rides everywhere#and that was stressful#I only got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep Saturday night bc I had a (fun!!!) thing that went really late and then had to get up at 5 for work#on Sunday#so Sunday afternoon I got home and napped from 2-6pm and then just went to bed at 8 so I STILL didn’t get any shit done#and then this morning I opened again and I spent my sh#ift w people who are even newer at my job than I am so I was like training them/doing everything they couldn’t do yet and it was just#a weird day and my boss was acting weird and I didn’t like it at all#and then this afternoon I take my car to the mechanic FINALLY and he says the radiator’s busted and leaking coolant everywhere and also#one of the tires is fucked so we have to get them all replaced#and that’s gonna be several hundred dollars which is fine it’s all fine but I’m fucking tired#and when I got home there were still dishes to do😭😭😭#I need someone to baby me and clean my house#gawd#valkyrie talks
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Hobie: i want you to heat your hand up with your electricity and place it on my back so i have a cool handprint scar
Miles: what??
Hobie: fine. we can use anesthesia if you’re gonna be a pussy about it.
Miles: that’s not- what???? huh???
#now THIS is an idea i’ve had for several days and never got tired of#it would fuck up Hobie’s nerves but he’d think it’s cool#basically the idea is that Hobie numbs his upper body/back and Miles heats his hand up to the point it’s glowing white#and then he places it on Hobie’s back like a brand mark sort of and when it’s finally all scarred up a few months later+#Miles will paint whatever Hobie wants inside the scar whenever Hobie asks/Miles has time and also wants to.#and Miles is honestly thinking ‘wow… kind of freaky… wtf..’ but in a detached way when you’re not trying to be mean about it and also find+#it interesting/cool.#miles morales#spiderman#spider man#hobie brown#spiderpunk#spider punk
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So great news yeah I have fucking tmj and now I really don’t wanna do the work today
#so… TIRED MAN#I just wanna play the sims man. I need to dress up francis and lady terror in christmas outfits#(and wee ellie shhh you didn’t hear that#I only have to do two more pages but dude ITS LIKE PULLING TEETH#AFTER THE DAY I’VE HAD
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