#I’ve gone from never posting to impulse ranting

[seriouslysam8]

Okay, don’t hate me but I used to hate Harry. I always found him annoying and thought he was way too impulsive and hot headed, but after reading Alew… I get it. I never thought how hard it would be for a 15 month old to see someone kill his mother and try to kill him and get thrown into household that hated his existence, but I get it. I get why he was so impulsive, I get why he was so hot headed, I get why he didn’t trust adults. Reading about how he’s behaving towards Blackinnon was tugging on my heart strings and I can’t believe a kid that was that traumatized was locked up for years and treated like a slave. I never thought of it from that pov. I had a hard time relating to Harry because I grew up privileged with lots of love so I didn’t understand his decisions, but I get it now. I don’t know if that’s what you intended with this story, but thanks for opening my eyes. I’m impartial to Ginny and I’m actually really looking forward to seeing if you can change my mind on Hinny. I have to admit I’m a huge Romione fan and I came across your story because of someone ranting about you hating Hermione on a Reddit post and curiosity got the best of me and I’m so glad. If it helps, you got another fan off of someone bitching about you on Reddit (free publicity lol). Btw, this fan has no issues with you not liking Hermione or Romione 🫶🏻

It wasn’t my intention to convert Harry haters with this story. I really just wanted to give my boy the childhood he deserved to have.

I don’t know how long you’ve been lurking here, but I grew up with a narcissist mother and an absent father. Love was earned through saying, doing, and thinking the right things. It was a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation. I gravitate towards characters who had less than stellar upbringings. I think Sirius is my all-time favorite because I think his canon childhood was most closely aligned with mine while I think Harry’s abuse was way worse and horrific.

But anyway, I like to write about what I know. I like to write about my experiences and what I’ve gone through. I’m married to a husband who grew up like you with no shortage of love. I laugh-cry sometimes because his mother is totally a Molly Weasley. She’s so warm and welcoming and there is no shortage of love in her heart for anyone. I don’t think that woman has a mean bone in her body. I have kids with my husband. So I really like writing the dynamics of Hinny and Blackinnon where one is so unsure as a parent because of their upbringing and the other is so confident because they had a fantastic upbringing. It’s what I know, you know?

I had someone comment that Sirius seems like a boring dad in Alew. I think as someone who had to work for the love and acceptance of his parents for the longest time until he reached the point he didn’t care anymore (but secretly did care because what was wrong with him that love for him was even conditional in the first place) is struggling being thrust into this father position. He loves Harry to death. He wants to be the best father he can be. He would die a thousand deaths for this kid. But he’s so unsure of how to do the small things like playing because it wasn’t like his parents ever got to his level and played with him. He’s learning as he goes. Meanwhile, Marlene grew up loved and her parents played with her and she was allowed to be a person. So her nurturing and playful side comes easier with Harry than it does with Sirius. It’s really these little nuances I like to think about and write about.

Because of the prophecy, Harry was sheltered. I do think in canon he was locked up in Godric’s Hollow and only had contact with a select few people. So I think from a very young age, he had apprehension around strangers or people not around him often. This is highlighted in Alpenglow where Remus tries to tend to Harry while Sirius comforts Marlene. Harry doesn’t know Remus well enough to be alone with him. He’s sobbing and clinging to Sirius. Sirius, naturally, snaps at Remus and buckles down on how he can take care of both Harry and Marlene which ensues a fight between them.

In Alew, Harry is meeting so many new people in so many new places. He’s a shell of the kid he once was. I wanted to write at least those two one-shots of what Harry was like before Halloween (Alpenglow and Redamancy). He was a happy, cuddly, playful child. As much as Sirius is learning the nuances of being the best father he can be, Harry is also learning how cruel the world can truly be as he’s exposed to more and more. While Harry is loved and happy with Blackinnon, he misses his parents and has nightmares about Halloween and is more reserved than he once was. I often think about how none of that would ever go away or get better if he was the Dursleys. There would be no healing. But with Blackinnon, he had the opportunity to heal and grieve and cling to the two people he knows best after his parents.

I like to think about how this Harry would be different than canon Harry. How would a Harry who was loved and grew up with loving parents be versus an abused and neglected Harry at the Dursleys. It completely fascinates me. Because Harry wouldn’t have hesitated to tell his godparents about the three-headed dog or suspecting Snape jinxing his broom. He would have told them all about the Chamber of Secrets and hearing the basilisk and the kids being petrified. They would be highly involved and not dismissing Harry. So how would things turn out different?? It’s all so fascinating as I go back and forth on how I want things to play out later in the series.

While I love me stay-at-home dad Sirius, I could totally see him wanting to be on the board of governors once Harry starts school and being highly involved with Hogwarts because he’s highly protective of the people he loves. Obtaining Sirius’ love is hard. But once you wrestle your way through his defenses, he loves fiercely and he’d die for you.

Anyway, I think I digressed. I am long-winded. But I do hope to change your mind about Ginny as well as Hinny. They are ultimately my OTP. I love their dynamics and how well they fit together. I personally find Ginny hilarious and I love writing the Weasley family dynamics.

As for how you discovered me, I know exactly who was talking about me on Reddit. They’ve done so a lot in the past and have attacked other Hinny writers as well. I find it very ironic that I can’t say anything negative about Hermione but they can openly bash Ginny. Honestly, I didn’t hate Hermione before. She wasn’t my favorite character and I always kind of had her lingering in the background. If you read the Moments in Time series, you can see that. She’s there but not a major focal point. There is background Romione because that is my canon-light universe (I say canon-light because Hinny raises Teddy and Ron never quits the Aurors so there’s a few minor canon changes). Nobody would have guessed I disliked Hermione in those stories.

But people like the one who ranted about me on Reddit really made me hate her character. I would get annoyed because multiple people wanted Hermione more involved in the MIT series. They wanted her to be perfect and solve all the issues and be utilized more. I didn’t want to do that. I liked Harry and Ron being besties and solving crimes together and being the ones to solve the problems for once. I am a massive Ron fan, just FYI. It got to a point where I just killed her off in the last story of the MIT series in a now-deleted story because I couldn’t take all the chatter surrounding her character because I never set out to write a story or series about Hermione.

But I know this person says I bash Hermione in my writing. I really don’t. I think bashing is lazy writing. I do, however, tells stories through multiple POVs. Their feelings towards other characters shines through. I always write a very contentious relationship between Sirius and Dumbledore until they can find their common ground and work together. I’ve been told I’ve bashed Dumbledore in my stories before. But really, I haven’t. I like a nice gray Dumbledore. But through Sirius’ eyes, he is critical and there is little love. Meanwhile, in the same chapter, you’ll have Remus singing Dumbledore’s praises because there is already established respect there. In my now-deleted story, Romione was getting a divorce because they grew apart. Ginny was critical of Hermione and siding with her brother (obviously) when the divorce was announced. In the same POV, Ron defends Hermione because that’s the mother of his children. So, I do write realistic relationships where not everyone gets along and not every character likes every other character. But I don’t really consider this bashing. I find it refreshing when characters have different thoughts and feelings and are unique.

So when I started the Petrichor series, I planned to ease Hermione out of the story. Essentially, Sirius doesn’t die in the DOM nor do Harry and co even go to the DOM because he is reminded of the mirror by Ginny. So Harry is bitter towards Hermione trying to get him to stop leaving to save Sirius (his only family left) even though she’s right. He doesn’t want to be told I told you so. He keeps his distance. Then, that summer, Hermione never goes to stay with them because of a failed attack on Grimmauld. So when they reunite in September at school and Hermione is weary of Marlene being back with an altered memory, Harry doesn’t want to hear it. He’s stubborn because he feels like he’s finally found a family and doesn’t want to hear Hermione’s concerns. Even if they’re valid. They have a POA-style fight where they are distant. Meanwhile, in the same story, Ginny doesn’t have the best relationship with Marlene. There’s some distrust and space between them that’s hard to fill. But Ginny never tells Harry about any of it. She just tries to move on because she knows that relationship is important to Harry. So there is a stark contrast between the two girls and how they handle things with Harry. Ginny understands Harry in a way Hermione doesn’t.

In the Synodic series, Hermione isn’t going to befriend Harry and Ron at Hogwarts. Because I don’t feel like writing her anymore. But I’m not going to go out of my way to bash her. I don’t care enough about her to bash her.

Anyway, I know I went off on some tangents but that’s what I do here. I’m glad rants about me made you intrigued enough to see what my writing is actually all about. I am glad his attempts to make me leave the fandom have fallen on deaf ears. I hope you stick around and have some fun. If not, that’s okay too.

[ratterpatter]

The way this literally made me cry lmao

I really don’t mean to make this about me, so I’m incredibly sorry if I am, but how do you get the verbal abuse to stop? I might just not be trying hard enough, because I’ve had people tell me that I just need to keep calling myself positive things and eventually I’ll believe it, but it’s hard for me because the moment I say something nice about myself in my head, the immediate response is almost always “that’s a lie.” and “Don’t be so full of yourself.”

I know I probably need to just keep calling myself positive things regardless, but I just feel so dispirited and hopeless every time it happens. I’d thought I’d gotten a bit better with positive self talk, but the other day I was writing a math test and I started berating myself so hard i cried. I just felt so stupid, and I got my grade back and it’s not good. Which just kind of reinforced the idea that I’m stupid.

I’m almost scared of liking myself? I’m worried that I’m going to get cocky and self centred if I do, and no matter how many times people say that there’s nothing wrong with being cocky or self centred I can’t shake the thought.

I’m really incredibly sorry for ranting about all of this on your post about your own depression.

Today was just really hard for me and I don’t know why.

Honestly, my depression is probably long gone and this is just me being overly sensitive and invading / encroaching on the spaces of people with real depression

I’m really sorry if I seem all pick-me-girly (certainly sounds that way to me at least), and if this is a bit impulsive (dunno if that’s the right word to use) but I’m just kind of looking for advice from new people? And if commenting this is insensitive please tell me and I’ll delete it immediately. Feeling like your very real struggle is being invalidated is an awful feeling, and I never want anyone to feel that way because of me.

Sorry this is so long, I guess I had more to say than I’d originally thought

Your art is really incredible btw, I’m definitely gonna follow you (that sounds kind of creepy taken out of context lol)

Have a nice day, and I guess thank you for making this post, even if this post ends up being insensitive and I delete it I want you to know it honestly helped me a bit ❤️

a more serious comic, about depression

[scienter]

Note: I had to copy and paste this ask from Word because when I returned to my inbox to answer it was no longer there. Idk what happened. 🤔

Hi. I'm not sure how to tumblr. I'm basically here because a friend linked me to one of your tvd metas after I started watching the show a few weeks back. I was halfway through the penultimate season when I decided to drop it altogether. Something tells me the writers either hated Stefan & Caroline or at least they didn't want them to be happy. And while I understand stefan's character trait of being consumed by revenge, he's been acting so irrationally this season that after a point even his otherwise weak-willed, bad strategist, impulsive brother was like 'I quit! You deal with your BS!' Fortunately/unfortunately I'm aware of the series finale & I think the writers never wanted Stefan's hero hair to have any character development so that they could justify his death as some sort of sacrifice but in the end it was to service his selfish brother's manpain. I wonder how people watched tvd for 8 years and I'm not saying it didn't have great moments but I also noticed how they rinsed-repeated storylines every season. For e.g Stefan seems to be dumbed down version of who he originally is and kind of reminds me of Tyler whose life pretty much changed for the worse because of Klaus or when he was so stupid that he was practically going to use his own body to put Klaus down in s4 & didn't even bother telling Caroline about it until she found out about it or something. Thankfully, this time Caroline didn't sleep with her boyfriends's mom's murderer though. What an absolute nightmare that would have been. Sorry for the rant but that wasn't the sole point of this message. I noticed you are a X-Files fan! Yay! If you don't mind me asking what's your favourite Mulder-Scully scene? And just out of curiosity,have you watched Normal People? If yes, then what's your opinion? If no, then please do watch. I think you'd love/enjoy the series.It's insane how much the characters, their individual characters arcs & overall journey is similar to that of Stefan and Caroline but with quality writing. Lastly,what does "scienter" mean? Thanks, Chandreyee. P.S: My friend is a Delena shipper & thinks Delena is the best thing to have happened on TVD * rolls eyes * but seemed to have enjoyed your blog back in the day. Hence ,the recommendation.

Hi there, Chandreyee. Welcome to tumblr!

Stefan & The TVD Finale

Oh, I’ve had my share of rants about the TVD finale and how Kevin Williamson spitefully killed Stefan because he wasn’t going to get the Stelena ending he wanted. That’s not a crackpot theory – he said as much in an interview. So yeah. We got the nonsensical finale that reverted Stefan & Damon to their season 1 characterization. That frustrated me given that I spent 8 years watching that show.

And like you one of the things I disliked about TVD was the repetitious storytelling. The formulaic storytelling drove me nuts, especially in the later seasons.  I take it as a sign that a story has gone on too long. If a writer can’t imagine new conflicts or plots then it’s time to call it quits.

Favorite Mulder & Scully Scene

Oh, wow. This is hard. Because there are ten or fifteen (or twenty) Mulder and Scully scenes that I could call my favorite.

I love their last scene in Triangle when Mulder tells Scully he loves her.  

I love their scene in Detour when Scully sings Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog.

I love their scene in Folie a Deux when Mulder tells Scully that she’s his “one in five billion.”

I love every single scene of theirs in Bad Blood.

And I love, love, love Mulder teaching Scully to play baseball a.k.a. Hips Before Hands in the Unnatural.

And of course, I’d be remiss to leave out Mulder & Scully dancing to Walking in Memphis in The Post Modern Prometheus.

I could go on. I love Mulder & Scully. They are my favorite tv couple. They are my original ship. I don’t know how to distill my love of them to a single scene.

I’ve thought about writing a Top Ten Favorite Mulder & Scully Moments meta over the years, but I’ve have never gotten around to it. Maybe I’ll do it this year. Hmm . . .

Normal People

No, I’ve never seen Normal People. I’ve heard good things about it though.

Scienter

Scienter is a legal term for intent or knowledge of wrongdoing (i.e., the defendant knew that his or her act or statement was illegal, deceptive, or wrong.) It’s random, I knew. I chose it because (1) it was short, (2) I could spell it, and (3) the word’s obscurity meant that it was available.

[nikplaysdnd]

I’ve been dming for a year straight, with my campaign now over thirty sessions in. Most of my attempts of dming crashed and burned after the first few attempts, and I gave up on D&D entirely. This blog actually logs that period pretty well.

So what changed? I’ve been wondering as my campaign’s one year mark is drawing closer, and I think I’ve come up with a few answers.

First, I took it way too seriously back then. I kept a whole five sectioned college notebook with a hand written table of contents like a fucking nerd! Not to say others shouldn’t do that, or that it’s a bad way to organize. But that’s not how I organize. It doesn’t work for me, but that’s how I thought the game worked. I tried to change myself to suit the game’s needs.

And that applied to the dming too. I tried to plan everything out in the same amount of excruciating detail, all long before it was even close to mattering. I overwhelmed myself with lore no one cared about, and I found the prep to be a stressful nightmare.

And so it wasn’t interesting, because I didn’t know how to make it interesting, I was too busy approximating the capital of the neighboring country. And so my players weren’t enthused, and so nothing really happened because none of us were really playing.

This time I tried to figure out how I should do it. My first decision was to format my notes like an internet wiki, because I remember absorbing page upon page of information through those and retaining it as a kid. It was how I’d study hyperfixation outside of just rewatching the source material. It’s kind of embarrassing when I say it like that but essentially linking related concepts together in a way that I can easily click through just works better for me than a school textbook.

Also, I prep much more minimally, relying on player feedback and decisions to decide how to prioritize my planning. Steering in the direction that gives the most enthusiastic response from my players usually keeps the story more engaging, and when they’re interest is so invested in the story, I get the motivation to do even more polishing to the story, ironing out details and making something I’m more proud of.

I personalize my writing inspirations too. My main dming inspirations are the Visual Novels of Ryukishi07 and long running shonen anime. Because of this, my campaign kind of seems like a character driven emotional intrigue story, but with shonen fights and the power of friendship. It’s much easier than the more High Fantasy Epics that I taught myself to emulate, and because it’s something I know better, I present it much better than I would something else.

In shonen, a lot of combat is simplified to rule of cool, where the characters featured are more powerful than anyone else by a significant margin. I use a lot of basic shonen logic when blurry on combat mechanics, because I think checking rules during session can drag encounters on. Most of the time I will allow for creative moves in combat with relevant and fair skill checks, sometimes rewarding them for their creativity with a bonus or advantage or something. It encourages them to think about what they’re doing a little more which makes it more engaging and exciting, and my combat descriptions are often lack luster because the math is difficult for me, so having the players describe their own turns and making them sound cool keeps it fun. As for how to keep it balanced when I regularly give them advantages and things that make them op? I make the enemies crazy op too. Shonen laws apply to the bad guys too, those are usually the ones with the most insane powers.

And the the visual novel works of Ryukishi are a major personal inspiration. The idea that a kinetic novel with no interactive elements being treated as a game, as you are genuinely challenged to take notes and put together information and learn is a really fun storytelling style, and the fact that his expertise is in complicated but utterly very human characters who you learn more about as you unravel the mysteries of the game itself, makes it even more powerful and personal. He writes his novels at a slow pace, taking his time with the small moments and the down time, things that help us to see ourselves in the characters, and to understand them, even when they’re not good people. It’s always amazed me about his works, especially considering how small his group was when he started. He created an entire universe because he wanted to tell a story in a game, and thats how it feels sometimes to be a dm, hearing my friends excitedly speculate on what might happen, or what they need to do, like I did as a kid reading those novels. It makes me get why someone could write the same series for 20 years, and keep enthusiastically making more.

So yeah, I basically just wanted to rant that I learned that the hole I fell in as a DM was forgetting to have fun myself, and I created a game where no one had fun. So this time I created a game where I would have a lot of fun, and I was lucky enough to get great players who have fun with me.

[kyluxtrashpit]

Okay so I jokingly mentioned I have an entire rant on twitter and then people wanted to see it so I’m gonna crosspost here too cause why not

(Note: includes spoilers for Major Grom and Plague Doctor comics, has nothing to do with the movie. It’s regarding what I strongly predict will happen in volume 8, which comes out next week)

(Second note: I’m gonna tag this with ‘long post’ even though it’s behind a cut for the sake of mobile users to go blacklist literally right now if they’re not interested cause I included the relevant comic panels and thus it’s LONG sdklsdklsdks)

Anyway: why Sergey must be the one to personally rescue Oleg in volume 8, from a narrative point of view

In order for Sergey and Oleg's relationship, regardless of how you want to define it, to move forward with positive momentum, this /must/ happen. The narrative demands it in order to bring closure. Why? Well, let's get into it by analyzing what we have so far

1) While I do fully believe Oleg trusts and forgives Sergey (and I’m not gonna go into proof of that here, as others have before), there is a constant spectre hanging over them. A spectre in the shape of 5 bullets. We are reminded constantly of it, largely in the form of Sergey's guilt, which is something we haven't gotten any real closure on yet. Sergey believes himself only capable of destruction, which is literally represented using a picture of him and Oleg.

The rift in their relationship is why Sergey doubts himself. The lasting physical effects bother him as well and we are all but beaten over the head with it - Sergey can't forget and neither can we, the audience. Oleg, too, has to live with this, even if he has made his peace with it

In fact, his long term injuries are what cause him to be captured in the first place. This situation, from a narrative pov, is thus Sergey's fault - if not for the 5 bullets, it's implied Oleg could've won. But no, he's captured and tortured, because of what Sergey did

What Oleg does or doesn't think of that is honestly irrelevant; the narrative is what's setting this up as a direct consequence. Also, whether or not Oleg has forgiven Sergey is also irrelevant because Sergey hasn't forgiven himself. This is what the story has presented and thus what it needs to conclude.

2) We are all also aware that Oleg has rescued Sergey more than once, even when it was ill-advised. The first time, sure, there's some risk, but it’s still in the range of manageable. But the second time? Not only was it more dangerous, given all that was going on in the immediate aftermath, he’s also risking himself to rescue someone who shot him 5 times. Oleg is cautious; he keeps Sergey in a cell presumably until he feels safe freeing him, but he still did it. He planned it, had that place ready, faked their deaths, all of it. He did that after the 5 bullets

So Sergey isn't lying when he tells Lera they don't leave their people behind. Oleg has been there for Sergey before, rescued him no matter the dangers, continues to stay by his side, and even cares enough to make sure he sleeps. Given this, how could Sergey not be ready and willing to return the favour?

3) Every outside character who knows anything about their relationship believes it to be imbalanced. The mercenary, Altan, Vadim, and even Lera. They all say this, they all point out the 5 bullets, that oh, Oleg, why does he stay?

While they don't have the insight us readers do, this tension is here for a reason, especially coupled with the previous two points. Even if we know better, the narrative is offering us a kernel of doubt. Does Sergey really care? Will he go as far for Oleg as Oleg has for him? Did he really mean those apologies? Or are the others right? Even Oleg, although I do think he's lying to protect Sergey, says he has doubts. Vadim seems certain Sergey will come, yet still calls Oleg “Mr. Stockholm Syndrome”.

The equality of their relationship is continually called into question - why do that if it's not going to be resolved? Why play this 'will he, won't he' game if he won't? Why set us up for disappointment? If Sergey doesn't go, all of this will remain unresolved and their relationship can only get worse, not better. The spectre will never leave them alone.

(One note here: I believe most of these perspectives are from unreliable narrators, given what details they give and that their accounts conflict with what we actually see. But these perspectives are included for a reason – imo, so that Sergey can prove them wrong)

4) The other thing the narrative tells us is that Sergey can be impulsive. Yes, he's brilliant, frighteningly so, but it's Oleg that is constantly urging caution. Sergey is aware there are risks, yet he forges ahead anyway, restrained (sometimes) only by Oleg's advice.

Why would that change now? If anything, with how distressed Sergey seems to be, I'd argue he'd be even /more/ impulsive than usual because he's too emotional to think right.

And who's going to urge caution, if not Oleg? Lera? I doubt he would listen if she did and, to be frank, why would she care if Sergey gets hurt? She knows him primarily as the one forcing her into a situation that is having serious negative effects on her life. Her secondary knowledge is that he's a murderer and terrorist. Much as it's fun to think of them all having a friendly relationship, Plague Daughter and all that, that’s not where they are right now. She might from a logical point of view, just because it is very obviously a trap, but Sergey knows that - her saying it isn't going to convince him of anything. Even if she did try, I don't think it'd have any effect.

5) And lastly, Lera is absolutely not ready for this fight. This isn't some regular asshole on the streets; Vadim is a professional killer. He beat Oleg in a fight and, even with his injuries, we all saw the kitchen fight. We know what Oleg is capable of. I love Lera with my whole being and she is a badass, but she's not ready for this. She had trouble with Kamenny, who honestly may have let her win under Altan's instructions.

Even still, Vadim is MUCH better and, much as Altan wants PD alive, I don't think he much cares in what condition. Best case scenario is that Lera gets captured too, and Vadim likely wouldn't hesitate to kill her, and then Sergey has to go himself anyway. Lera may come to help, but Sergey needs to be there. If Sergey really is better than Oleg at present, he's the one who needs to fight Vadim (with a plan, obviously, and maybe some extra backup).

In conclusion, all of this comes together to say one thing: Sergey needs to go. He needs to prove to himself, to the audience, and most of all to the narrative that no, this relationship isn’t one-sided, and that he will go as far for Oleg as Oleg has gone for him. The narrative made this a big point of tension, insisted upon it, beat us over the head with it, and now has teased at Sergey’s opportunity to put up or shut up. It has to be Sergey, both practically because Lera isn’t ready yet, and in order to be a satisfying story. Because if he doesn’t, that tension isn’t resolved. His guilt will only grow after failing Oleg once again, despite Oleg sticking with him through everything, and it would have been by his own choice, not because of the Bird’s influence or anyone else. He will know it. Oleg will know it. We will know it. And their relationship can only sour from there. There will be no more possibility for positive momentum, only negative.

As a last point, I will also say that I’m aware my anxieties may be unfounded. These creators do seem to legitimately care about these characters, telling a good story, and satisfying the audience. But I’ve been burned by pieces of media where that is not the case, so it’s hard for me to trust and not doubt, even with creators who have, so far, not let me down lmao.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my tedtalk, I’m sure I missed something I would’ve liked to add but holy shit this is absurdly long already sdklsdklsk so uh bye ✌️

[bluemoonbeam15]

CTA: Hopper

CTA is short for Cognitive Task Analysis. It's essentially a method of unravelling the inner workings of a person's mind and seeing how their thoughts affect their actions.

I'm starting with Hopper -- obviously -- because he isn't given much, if any, backstory in the entire movie. His actions were written purposefully for the audience to not feel any remorse for his demise. If he had been given a backstory, there would probably be more people who could defend his actions, which isn't what the directors wanted.

However, just by analyzing his dialogue and actions -- no matter how small of screen-time -- we can get a rough sketch of his true personality.

I've spent the last hour completing the 16Personlaties test online and reading through the results. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's a website that has you go through a series of questions and by the end of it presents you with whichever personality type your responses most align with.

To the best of my ability, I have gone through each question and replayed Hopper's scenes in my mind to get a feel of how he would've answered them. The results showed him to be an ISTJ-A.

I = Introverted (52%)

S = Observant (95%)

T = Thinking (98%)

J = Judging (78%)

A = Assertive (69%)

I'll put a link to the website at the end of this post so any of you who are interested can read through it. This will also be the site I use for the other characters I analyze.

So since the link is available -- and the personalities can be read about, anywhere -- I will give my reasoning for how the result above fits his character.

BY THE WAY, NONE OF THIS IS CANON. I AM NOT STATING FOR A FACT THAT THIS IS HOPPER IN HIS ENTIRETY. IT'S ALL SPECULATION DRAWN FROM SMALL AMOUNTS OF EVIDENCE.

First off, let me brag on him for a moment for his incredible work. I know he's the bad guy and all, but let's give the man some credit. Only extremely powerful people in human history were able to convince a whole nation of people that they were in the right. Hitler, being one of those people.

While Hitler obviously did unforgivable things, everything he did was done thoughtfully and carefully. He analyzed the people, the children, and understood how their minds worked. This is what Hopper does in the movie.

By the time we are invited into this world, Hopper has already established a system within the colony. Despite not holding any true authority in their own monarchy, he had managed to set himself above the Queen. Even she is in fear of his capabilities and fights to keep him appeased.

He also manages to uphold his authority within his own gang. The fact that none of them -- aside from Molt -- have the boldness to question his decisions speaks volumes about how assertive he is.

But the only way he can keep his position is by applying his cognitive talents. We see in the movie that Hopper doesn't take the details for granted. He remarks that Atta didn't smell like the Queen -- implying he took note of which ant was in leadership. When he first lays eyes on Flik, he watches the ant's demeanor and takes in every detail. This allows him to recognize Flik when he reveals himself from the fake bird near the end of the movie. When the Circus Bugs arrive while Hopper is at Ant Island, he notices the empty box by the end of their act and demands to know where the Queen is.

We can even see that in almost every scene he is in, he does more observing than talking. In the beginning, he walks around and takes note of the ant's countenance around him, looking for any sign of rebellion as the source of his missing offering. He watches Atta carefully as she tries to explain that Flik is the reason it's missing. After punching the random gang member instead of Molt, he looks around at the colony to take in their reaction and adjusts himself accordingly. When Molt comes to tell him his "great idea," Hopper doesn't immediately rant off. Instead, he watches his brother carefully as he advances and takes in the sincerity and fear of Molt explaining himself.

As he walks around The Resort, addressing his gang, his eyes are pinpointing every grasshopper until they land on the three at the bar. He makes offhanded remarks and observes how the three react suspiciously overly supportive. By the time he lets them have it, he watches the grain fall and proceeds to keep his eye on every member as he makes his speech. When they get to the Island, Hopper manages to pinpoint the Queen in the midst of the crowd of ants. As the Circus Bugs first reenter the scene, Hopper silently follows his gaze as they pull up in front. Not once does he say a word until they make themselves fully shown. When the pill bugs appear, he watches them for a good while before finally allowing the Circus Bugs to entertain them.

Throughout their performance, Hopper is silently watching -- maybe laughing once during the entire ordeal. You can especially see it when Manny offers to let the Queen be a part of the performance and Hopper follows his every move as he does so.

As he gives his speech to the ants, he walks around and makes it a point to make eye contact with as many as he can. He observes their gradual return to submission. When Flik speaks up again, Hopper does not yell, summon Thumper, or try to interrupt him at all. He advances -- like he did Molt -- and observes how the ant will react to his closing proximity. It's almost as if he's gauging how much damage has been done to his influence before he decides on which course of action to take. In fact, for the remainder of the movie, Hopper maintains this way of decision-making. While in the canon, he's keeping his eye on Flik. When it rains, he pinpoints Flik in the crowd.

When he lands in front of Flik by the bird's nest, he begins advancing again and uses that time of observation to unsettle the ant. While Hopper uses analyzation as a way to base his decisions, he also uses it as a way to unsettle his opposition. In nearly every situation he quietly observes, the adversary becomes nervous and backs away. They mess up on their train of thought, try to explain themselves, or beg for mercy. It's more than Hopper looking intimidating, it's the way he looks at them to make them feel transparent. As if he knows every little thing about them, and in a way, he kind of does from the time he's observed.

The only hole in this is when the real bird finally makes an appearance and Hopper is so caught up in his rage of the previous bird that he neglects to fully analyze the creature before him. Of course, let's also take into account that he is blind in one eye, it's dark and raining, and his perception of reality has been slightly altered thanks to the fake bird from earlier. In his defense, he had good reason to believe the bird before him was also a fake.

His observations play hand-in-hand with his tendency to base his decisions on rationality rather than emotion. As well as being more judging than perceiving. For the record, the word "judging" in this sense is not used in a social manner. It is being able to make faster-paced decisions and to stick by them. People who are judging will be clean-cut and look presentable to others as a means of influencing others to agree with their steadfast decisions.

As also mentioned, Hopper does not act on his emotions. You can base an alternative opinion saying, "Oh, but he gets mad and threatens his brother," or, "what about when he killed those three grasshoppers?" and so on. However, acting on your emotions and acting on rationale are two different things. They look different too.

Consider this: had Hopper, the moment Molt opened his mouth, yelled or swung a punch at him, then he would then have acted on his emotions. Had he outright put those three grasshoppers in their place instead of going through the foreplay, he would have acted on his emotions. Flik was also not immediately killed when he first spoke up and when he continued to defy Hopper. Even at the end of the movie, when the real bird appears, Hopper halts his strangling long enough to realize that the bird is real.

After re-watching the movie with these characteristics in mind, it doesn't seem like there is one time where he acts on his emotions. Impulsively, is one way to put it. He never acts on impulse. Every move is calculated according to how he needs the situation to play out in his favor. Perhaps the only time he acts on emotions is when he punches the nearby grasshopper instead of his brother. And, even then, he lets enough rationality in to redirect his anger onto someone else.

Now let's dive more onto the hidden side of Hopper the movie doesn't shed much light on.

Despite giving off this hard, rough exterior, we know that the gang he surrounds himself with was on purpose. While he probably gathered them for the sake of enforcing the ants more into submission, I think it might be safe to say that they're there for his own mental stability. Let's be clear, Hopper doesn't need them to accomplish his goals. Flik doesn't spare a glance at the other grasshoppers once Hopper comes into the hill. All eyes are on him. Even when Hopper has taken control of the Island, Atta and Phyllis are constantly glancing to see his reactions.

It's especially significant when Atta notices Flik and the girls climbing the tree to the bird and the only grasshopper she looks at to see if they noticed is Hopper. Because in the grand scheme of things, his awareness of the situation is what will make or break their plan.

Notice with me too that the other gang members have the IQ of a rock. Any opinion they have is shown to be based on little to no evidence. And although they were on the right track to not go back to the Island -- which ends up being one of Hopper's downfalls -- they didn't necessarily understand the true power the ants could have over them. Basically, their desire to stay the The Resort was not based on truth but more their own personal wishes.

Personally, I believe that Hopper only keeps them -- and Molt -- around for the sake of keeping himself distracted. With his observations, it can be seen that he does more time thinking rather than acting. Imagine having a whole colony under your control and your mind running 24/7 to maintain that power. Imagine how stressful it has to be for him to know that in a single instance, all that work he put into molding the colony could be in vain. No wonder he needs some time alone for a massage.

But then imagine having others around you to keep your mind off of those stressors and anxieties. With the gang partying and having a good time, it would be hard for Hopper to dwell on all the ways everything could go wrong. I believe that's why he keeps Molt around. Hopper never said he promised their mother he'd let him join the gang, or that he'd watch him 24/7. He merely stated he promised not to kill Molt.

Molt is simply that happy-go-lucky persona that Hopper can not only release his stress on, but also someone who can distract him from everything storming within his own mind. It may seem in the movie like he's a lazy freeloader who uses the ants to avoid doing any work himself, but let's look at it this way:

> He's "babysitting" his brother constantly

> He has to travel a great distance back and forth at least once a year for the offering

> In that little time he sees the colony, he has to assert his authority to keep them obedient

> He has to keep his own gang members submissive

> It seems that he also runs (or at least co-runs) The Resort

> Just as all insects do, he has to protect himself, his gang, and his brother from bigger predators

Most of these have a lot of psychological weight that would wear Hopper out with all the stress it adds on to him. There's so much responsibility that has not only been forced on him, but also ones he's chosen to take. And some of those responsibilities were chosen for the sake of distracting him from everything else. It's a vicious cycle that he's gotten caught in where he ends up putting more on his plate than he can handle, all in a vain attempt to have something to redirect his attention from his other anxieties.

Hopper has a very self-destructive mindset in this term. It ends up getting to the point where, by the end of the movie, when everything begins to unravel before him, his anxieties kick in and he doesn't know how to handle it. He's spent so long trying to avoid those fears that he never established an escape for them other than the other self-destructive behaviors. He never found the right way out of his own torment.

In reality he influenced himself to be subdued just as much as he had the ants. He has convinced himself that he is weaker when mulling over his anxieties and letting his emotions get out of control. Therefore, he's put chains on them and has put an emotional muzzle on himself. And all of it is in an attempt to stay rational and maintain his position. In a way, Hopper has become so skilled at overpowering others that he has subconsciously overpowered himself. He's convinced himself that he is who he wants to be. He wants to be in control, calm, collected, strong, and powerful. And he has convinced himself to believe that he can be all those things so long as he pushes back the characteristics and emotions that would hold him back.

And he reflects this inner pain on the ants as he convinces them to be what he wants them to be. Submissive, mindless, fearful, and obedient. And so long as he pushes back the ideas and rebellion, they can be all those things.

If any of you want me to continue this analysis -- God knows there's still more to unpack about his personality -- feel free to ask! I will be doing the other characters (Flik is next).

Here is the link to the website I used:

https://www.16personalities.com/istj-personality

[sebastianshaw]

You know what I wish would happen? Death of the Avengers and Death of the Fantastic Four. We already got Death of the Inhumans so I don’t understand why not? Save Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver and kill all Avengers. They were to blame for Scarlet Witch losing it in the first place. I wouldn’t be surprised too if Agatha Harkness had been an agent of Cthon all along and had manipulated Witch to have awful taste in men which led to all that madness. It would totally make sense since she is the only one who knew about “Natalya Maximoff” and the one who led her to reality warp a fake magic pregnancy. Literally kill Captain Fascist America, Iron Stank Man, Karen Wasp, Captain Fascist Marvel, She-NotAllHumans-Hulk, Stupid Vision, Nazi Beast, Wonder Wimp Man, Invisible Karen Woman, Mister Fascist Fantastic and all of those other little bitches. Kill the Starks and the Richardses, we save the world from Kang and we might even stop . Kill Devil Hulk, we save the universe from being smashed in the future. Kill the Avengers and the biggest tools of mutant oppression are forever gone. Maybe the Witch should be the one to do it again. Get that Life Force to possess her and make her go finish the job she started. We all know they deserve it for what they done to her. I would be so satisfied to see them in graves looool. Wanda would finally be free to join the X-Men and be with the love of her life Kurt Wagner. We would get to see TJ in the main universe. We could all finally stop pretending we care about the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. Worst thing Marvel ever done was to bring back Karen Sue and her abusive sentinel maker husband and their stupid kids. Literally how to get rid of Kang kill all the Starks and Richardses.

I thought a lot about how to answer this. Took a nice long bath and rehearsed things in my head. My first impulse was just to not answer. But in five years of having this blog, I’ve never not answered an ask. I don’t want to break that record for anything less than something truly awful, and since there was no hate towards any REAL people here, I don’t think it qualifies in my book as “truly awful” My next impulse was to just post a confused-looking gif, or maybe respond with some pictures of puppies and telling you to “calm down and look at these cute things!” but that seemed. . . .really dismissive.  I decided the most compassionate approach I could take here was to explain. . .why this isn’t a good approach. I see you’ve sent this to three other blogs, and I’m guessing you haven’t gotten a great response on any. That’s because an anon just appearing with a super angry rant desiring the deaths of multiple characters is kind of. . . off-putting. It’s especially odd for me, since I’m just a Sebastian Shaw RP blog and know very little about most of these characters, don’t have any skin in the Avengers game, etc. But I imagine it’s disconcerting for anyone. I imagine it’d be disconcerting even if I agreed with it. It comes off as just. . . .I don’t like using the term “weird” this way, but it comes off as weird and uncomfy to just open your inbox and see a wall of character hate, no matter who it’s directed to or why, and most people aren’t going to respond well to that. I can tell this is coming from a place of love for Wanda. You’re obviously super passionate about her! You wouldn’t have such strong feelings if you weren’t. And I understand that. I too have immensely passionate responses, positive and negative, towards anything involving a character I love. Anyone who follows this blog or one of my others can tell you that. I just FLIP THE FUCK OUT over stuff, good or bad. But here’s the thing---I do it on my own blogs. I don’t come into other people’s asks with just random rants about how angry or ecstatic I am. Because I know it would be strange and off-putting and wtf to them. Which is how most people are going to feel upon reading this. I’m saying this not because I want you to feel bad, or like YOU’RE weird or annoying or whatever, but because you obviously have a ton of feelings about this character and what you think should be done with her, and I want you to be able to express those feelings to people! Because believe me, I know how important it is to have friends you can rant to about what’s happening to your fave and bounce ideas off of and so on! I have people I can do that with, and I treasure them!  I want that for you too! But this isn’t the way to do it. I’d recommend making your own blog, building relationships with likeminded people, and do this with them as buddies, not as a random anon just being dropped into people’s asks with walls of seething text. You’re not going to get any kind of positive response to that, I promise.  You’ve got strong feelings and thoughts, and that’s okay, but you’ve got to come at this in a better way if you want people to actually engage with you on it. I don’t want you to feel bad, just, this is not something you should do again.  Here’s a puppy!

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 16)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 15

When Dex steps into Chowder’s bedroom, his single knock on the open door no more than a nostalgic habit, these days, as opposed to a present requirement, he’s certainly not expecting to be faced with, well. With this.

“What’re you doing?”

Chowder looks up. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor with a myriad of different colored post-it notes spread out around him. Dex crouches down, picking up a couple of the notes (yellow and pink, respectively) to skim through their contents. Louis, helped solve Halloween cupcake disaster, 2 points. Hops, volunteered to do dishes entire week, 6 points.

Dex raises both eyebrows towards Chowder. Chowder, meanwhile, is staring down at the colorful mess surrounding him with a decidedly troubled expression. He sighs.

“I’m figuring out my dibs.”

“With a points system?” Dex prompts. He’s not sure if he’s impressed or concerned. “Looks ambitious.”

“I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m being unfair,” Chowder explains glumly. He picks up a green post-it (Jader, gave up half his vanilla scone at breakfast, 1 point) and stares at it dejectedly. “Or that I don’t care about them. Oh no, what if I pick Jader, and then Joyo inevitably assumes that I hate him? I could never do that to Joyo."

“Dude,” Dex says. He’s trying very hard not to smile. “You don’t have to make a decision yet, you know? It’s not even Christmas.”

Chowder frowns.

“It's almost Christmas.”

“I suppose,” Dex agrees carefully. “Are you sure this isn’t just some big procrastination project? Got any big finals looming, hm?”

“Finals,” Chowder scoffs. “Are finals really more important than the precious feelings of our hardworking underclassmen?”

“Oh my God. What’s all this?”

Nursey strolls into the room without knocking. He places a kiss on top of Dex’s head and then plops himself down between Dex and Chowder, his hand lingering softly at Dex’s nape.

“Chowder is having a bit of a dibs crisis,” Dex fills him in.

“Oh, man. Hard same.” Nursey frowns. “I was dead set on giving mine to Ford. Of course Ollie and Wicks had to go and snag her, first.”

“She and Tango seem pretty happy up in the attic, though,” Dex points out. "And this way, you get to be hausmates with both of them this year."

“I suppose that's true," Nursey allows. Then he shrugs. "And I guess I’ve still got Louis. He’s let me borrow his good bluetooth speakers basically this whole semester, so. Might be an option."

“What?” Chowder exclaims. “No, wait, I might pick Louis. You two couldn't maybe give me some time to figure this out, before you stake your claims?"

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, C,” Dex tells him gently.

“That’s definitely not how it works,” Nursey agrees, his grin playful yet his tone kind. “If there’s someone you have in mind, Chow, you should just go for it. You snooze, you lose."

Chowder whips his head around, aiming his wide, pleading eyes at Dex.

“You’re not considering Louis, too, are you?”

“Honestly? I wish I was considering anyone.” Dex sighs. “I would’ve gone with Whiskey, but obviously that’s out, and I feel like the Waffles have gotten this strange aversion to doing any of those dibs type favors for me since I became captain. I think they don’t want to act like they’re sucking up for the wrong reasons, or something.”

“Maybe give them some proper incentive?” Nursey suggests merrily. “If word got out that you’re, like, completely undecided about dibs, I’m sure both the Waffles and the Scones would be falling all over themselves to please you. Might be fun to watch.”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dex shrugs. “Graduation is still really far away. I’m not gonna worry about it, yet.”

“It’s not that far away,” Chowder disagrees. He sounds serious. “Guys, it’s almost Christmas. That means we're graduating in less than six months.”

Dex very nearly flinches. Six months? How is that even possible?

“That can’t be right,” Nursey says slowly. His expression has turned uncharacteristically unchill. “Fuck. Why haven’t I applied to more grad programs, yet?”

“I need to start looking at job listings more seriously,” Chowder chimes in. He's looking down at his post-its with an expression that’s unusually difficult to read. “I guess I can't put it off forever."

“Hey,” Dex says. He’s trying his best to sound reasonable, despite his own inner turmoil. Suddenly, the feeling of Nursey’s hand that’s still resting at his nape seems more important than ever. “It’s not over yet. We’ve still got a whole semester.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says quickly. “Yeah, you’re right. And even after, it’s not like you guys are ever gonna be rid of me. Got your backs, remember?”

“That's true,” Chowder agrees quietly. He’s not smiling, Dex notes with no small amount of concern. Especially considering the fact that Chowder kind of hasn't smiled at all since the start of this conversation. His whole expression looks wrong, somehow, without that familiar spark of effortless joy. “It’s all happening so fast. I wish everything could slow down, just a bit.”

“We’re just gonna have to make every moment count,” Dex says firmly. Impulsively, he reaches for Chowder’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. You know that, right? We're always gonna look out for each other. Always."

“Of course. Yeah, of course.” Thankfully, that seems to do the trick – Chowders lips curl into a soft grin. "Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go through my notes for that UX design final one more time. Can't be more stressful than trying to choose a single Waffle for dibs."

"Or a Scone," Nursey reminds him brightly. "There's some good freshies, too, let's not forget."

"Says you, who's got your eye on Louis, too," Chowder points out with an amused roll of his eyes. "I may be panicking, Nurse, but I'm certainly not stupid."

"Ah, and here though myself completely subtle." Nursey grins. "Weren't you gonna study?"

"Actually, yes." Chowder gets to his feet, only to immediately pause. He narrows his eyes towards Nursey. "But if you lock down Louis while I'm stuck cramming user interface design techniques, you can expect some serious payback."

"Chill, man." Nursey's grin softens. "Look, I haven't actually decided on Louis yet, but if it would make you feel better we could have some sort of dibs treaty until the end of finals week. After that, it's anyone's game. Sounds good?"

"I suppose that’s fair." Chowder nods, and Dex is relieved to see the genuine smile he offers in return. "I think I left my books downstairs, so. See you guys later."

He pads out of his room, leaving Dex and Nursey alone in the sea of post-its.

Immediately, Nursey scoots a little closer to Dex.

"Just us, huh," he remarks, his tone a clear attempt at casual even though his smile indicates otherwise. "D'you wanna get lunch, or something?"

Dex hesitates.

"I've actually got some things I need to work on," he says carefully. "Could we maybe meet up later?"

"Sure. Of course." Nursey's response comes just a little bit too quickly. "That's chill, man. Whatever you need."

Dex studies his boyfriend's expression for a moment. It's been a concern of his, ever since he started setting aside time to work on his secret project, that Nursey might eventually start to realise there's something Dex isn't telling him. Dex has been monitoring carefully for any sign of doubt or confusion on Nursey's end, and this is the first time he thinks he's seeing exactly that in the subtle frown that's replaced Nursey's relaxed smile from a moment earlier. Obviously, it's the opposite of what Dex hopes to achieve with his secrecy.

Thankfully, the solution is very simple.

"Hey," Dex says quietly. "It's for you."

Nursey looks puzzled.

"I'm doing something for you," Dex clarifies. "That's why I've been a little busy, lately. It's going to be a surprise."

"Oh," Nursey says. He sounds surprised, already. "You're… Huh. What is it?"

Dex grins softly.

"A surprise. Duh."

Nursey raises a curious eyebrow.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"You really don't understand the concept of a surprise, do you?"

"Fine. Be that way." Nursey smiles a little excitedly, and Dex relaxes a bit. "I suppose I'll see you at dinner, then? The guys all want to go to Jerrys.”

"Actually, can we do dinner just you and me?" Dex asks quickly. "There's been so much team stuff, lately, and I've honestly kind of missed us. Tonight, I want to just... Order in. Preferably from someplace that makes a mean garlic bread. And after, we should put on Netflix and get in bed so I can cuddle you while you rant about the dubious plot changes in another one of those Austen adaptations."

Nursey blinks. For some reason, he's staring at Dex with a serious look in his eyes, one that's only vaguely familiar.

"What?" Dex asks, a little self-consciously. Was it something he said? “You like those period dramas. Don’t you?”

Nursey drops his gaze. He takes Dex's hands in his and holds them gently, almost like they're something delicate, like Dex is someone precious and worthy of protection.

"You're in love with me," he says quietly. "Aren't you?"

Oh, shit.

It's true, is the thing. And honestly, Nursey can’t have been unaware of it up until this moment. Really, he must have known. Dex might never have said it in so many words, and they’ve technically only dated for a few months, but it’s not like either of them are blind to the fact that they were dancing around this thing between them for several years, before. That goodnight kiss out on the porch at the very first kegster of the fall was never the beginning.

Dex briefly considers making some sort of joke to downplay this moment, if only to stop Nursey from being completely obnoxious about it in a minute or so. Except, the heavy look in Nursey’s eyes compels him to make a different choice.

"Yeah," Dex says, almost steadily. "I am in love with you. Quite hopelessly, actually."

Nursey’s breath hitches. He squeezes Dex hands tightly, and then he’s leaning over, capturing Dex’s lips in a fiercely desperate kiss that leaves Dex completely breathless. And if Dex didn’t feel it so completely, just then, in every achingly delicate touch of Nursey’s fingers against his cheek, his throat, all the way down his chest, he might’ve been a bit anxious about the fact that, technically, Nursey didn’t actually say it back.

As it is, Dex isn’t worried. If anything, he’s amused.

“You’re welcome,” he chirps gently after they break apart. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t just tell me to chill, or whatever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Nursey breathes out, his voice breaking in a way Dex didn’t expect at all. “Also, just, shut up, okay? You already know that I’m writing literal fucking poetry about you, about your freckles and your eyes and your hips and your smile and your stupid fucking lips, okay. I’d like to think you’ve been able to safely assume that I’m more than casually into you.”

“I’d like to think that’s the impression I’ve given you, too,” Dex says slowly. He feels a little confused. Suddenly, he’s tempted to drag Nursey across campus to the wood workshop and just show him, right now, to expose everything that he’s dreaming and hoping and wishing. “Nursey. Hey, Nurse. Look at me.”

“No, you’re right.” Nursey takes a breath. He meets Dex’s eyes with a watery smile. “I don’t know, man. It just hits differently, when you say it out loud. Feels more real. It’s like you spoke it into existence.”

“Maybe something for your next poem,” Dex teases gently. This moment feels too fragile, somehow. He racks his brain for some way to break the tension. “Did you ever read me the one about my hips?”

“Um.” Quickly, Nursey looks away, his smile suddenly more of a bashful grin. Bingo. “Did I mention that one, just now?”

“You did.” Dex grins, too, taking in Nursey’s clearly flustered expression with interest. Oh, this is gonna be good. “Tonight, okay? Read it to me, tonight.”

“I don’t… It’s not my most coherent work, probably.” Nursey clears his throat, and Dex grins a little wider. It’s not often that he manages to make Nursey this unsettled. “I mean, I’ll see if I can find it.”

“Suppose I’ll just have to inspire a new one, if you don’t,” Dex suggests slyly.

“Actually,” Nursey breathes out, already moving to climb into Dex’s lap. “That sounds-”

“Oh my God!” Chowder exclaims from the still open door. “We’ve been over this! You both have your own rooms, okay, you’ve literally got zero excuses for getting your freak on right in the middle of-”

Dex presses his lips briefly against Nursey’s before scrambling to his feet, quickly slipping past Chow into the hallway.

“Sorry, Chowder!” he calls out over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two steps at a time. “Love you, Nurse! Bye!”

“That’s a fine, isn’t it?” Pips calls from the living room as Dex practically sprints past. “Hey, wait! Major fine! Pay the fuck up!”

Dex let’s the door to the Haus fall shut behind him. As he makes the now familiar trek across campus, he doesn’t stop smiling for a single moment.

ch. 17

[devourer--of--books]

I’m mad about Hunter being written off and here’s why you should be too

You: wasted potential.

Me, an intellectual: ah, Hunter and Nicola’s friendship

I have strong opinions about Hunter.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Look, I have strong opinions about many, many, things. Today, we are taking a dive on Hunter and Nicola. First I’d like to blame this post on Kate, as I decided to make it after I tried to articulate why Hunter being written off TCY makes me so angry in a huge comment under her latest OTK post but it ended up being too big and messy so I deleted it. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone elaborate on it, so if you were also mad about this, bro, not to be intense, but like, are we soulmates or...??

Before anything else, as I usually do with my text posts (which I haven’t done in a while, opsies), I shall provide you with arguably unnecessary context. Sit down, grab yourself some snacks, make yourself at home, I’m about to rant you into oblivion.

Since I know many accounts weren’t around back then, I’ll also give you the socio-political vibes of the time period, as any self-respecting half-baked essay written last minute should.

POV, you’re 14/15 year-old me. You flat iron your hair, you don’t use sunscreen, you think you’re straight and your school makes you wear those horrid low rise uniform pants, but at least you can somewhat do your make-up decently now that you grew out of your emo phase.

The year was 2016. The Ever Never Handbook has just come out. You re-watch the handbook trailer on youtube for the fifteenth time. Everyone is losing their minds over OcTObeR 14tH and “a student named Agatha ~ now Agatha of Camelot~”, as well as the portraits and the teasing for a new SGE book. Quests For Glory is announced just a few days later. 2016 tagatha ship week happens a few months down the line. 

This is the SGE Tumblr Fandom Peak.

Now, let’s start right there, two-ish weeks after the release of the Handbook, right as the QFG announcement comes out.

We all knew Soman wasn’t done with SGE after TLEA. He definitely had been teasing something in his weekly blogs (lol, remember when I used to check the blog, what a time to be alive) and once we got the ENH, we got quite lot of info to theorize. Here’s some that I can think off the top of my head: 

- The coven was going on a mission to find a new School Master.

- Tedros and Agatha were struggling financially in Camelot but were going to get married soon (even if Sophie doubted Tedros would have asked Agatha yet, as of the time of the Ever Never RoundTable, but we’re taking that with a grain of salt, because she was written to sound jealous here, and I won’t acknowledge that kinda of bs, she is happy for her friends okay, we’ve been though this-)

- Sophie had completely remodeled the School For Evil and was getting on Dovey and the rest of the faculty’s nerves (except for newly hired history teacher, Hort).

- The rest of the supporting cast had just graduated third year and was to be off in quests soon.

- The School was now accepting applications, and two of those applicants are Nicola and Bogden.

Now, I’m not even gonna bring up how it was mentioned in a video in EverNeverTv that Bogden would be an important character in TCY, and yet, I can’t think of anything relevant about him other than the fact that he knew tarot apparently, or how his application had more personality than him in the entire series, or how he was basically there so we could look at him and Willam and be like “oh, representation”, or how he’d be a good insight on how Galvadon perceives Sophie and Agatha post-TLEA, or- I’m just not gonna.

Oh, no. Instead, we are here to discuss Nicola’s application.

If your memory is foggy, let me remind you:

Nicola’s application is submitted, according to the Handbook, by her friend, Hunter. For convenience sake, we’ll assume Hunter is a guy (I’ll tell you why Hunter being a guy works better for me in a bit), but his gender is not mentioned anywhere in the ENH. I don’t think he has been gendered in any version (correct me if I’m wrong) or if there are any pronouns for him during TCY, but I’m fairly confident he isn’t mentioned at all.

Hunter tells us he is applying on Nic’s behalf, as she’d never apply for herself. He mentions that she is more or less the Galvadon equivalent of an activist for women’s rights, founding a rugby unisex team and campaigning for pants instead of skirts for the local school uniform, as well as having a feminist sounding book as her favorite book. It’s heavily implied that she is a jock, as he lists that, if marooned on a desert island, Nicola would want to have a soccer ball, a hockey stick and a set of dumbbells (“and none of this 5-lb nonsense”) with her.

Upon asked why Nicola should go to the school, his answer is: “because there’s a greater place for her in the world, where she can learn a girl’s true worth, and I don’t think it’s here.”

Then you have a note from (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) the very late, long, long gone, absolutely dead, August Sader, telling the Deans to accept her application, despite having no reason to do so, as Nicola was to “play a crucial role in it’s [the school’s] survival.” Dovey and Sophie agree to flip a coin to decide which school will take her, which Sophie must have lost, as Nicola is accepted into the School For Evil.

By now, I think we all agree that Nicola was done dirty. If you check my QFG re-read you’ll notice that I complained about her there. As I had to go though her introduction chapter again to make this post, let me tell you why: Nicola wasn’t written to be likeable.

She simply wasn’t. That’s the one conclusion I can draw. Whether that’s intentional or not, I can’t tell, but the backlash she received was fairly useful, as it meant Soman could write her off the main story without much backlash from his target audience (aka, not us, pesky pretentious older readers).

The Nicola I was introduced to, not only in the Handbook but on her trailer for QFG was not the girl on QFG. 

Nic is there to be the smart  girl™, and while I do appreciate having a character who is a bit cocky about their brains, it just doesn’t work well there. Because her bond to other characters and the way she earns their respect feels so weak, she just comes across as pretentious. Characters like Hester and Agatha, who are supposed to be smart, feel dumbed down to show us how clever Nicola is. Agatha is supposed to be the resourceful thinker and Hester wanted to be class captain, you bet she studied like crazy, she probs knows every fairytale in existence. 

Then you add that to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Nicola and Hort fiasco and Nic feels like a weirdly written OC insert.

Handbook!Nicola sounded like a smart jock kind of character (read, more Gryffindor than Ravenclaw). Handbook!Nic was a Reader who read the tales as a hobby, but her favorite book is not a tale, it’s a non-fiction book (as far as I can tell). She might not be the fairytale expert, but she sounds like a practical thinker, as sport requires strategy, which is not Hester’s strong suit, given she is rather impulsive, or Agatha’s, given she is often unwilling to make hard decisions due to her Good nature and her own insecurities. C’mon, Handbook!Nic would have taken one look at Hort and sent him running to hills, because she would be able to smell his bs three miles away. She’s no one’s replacement, least of all Sophie’s (whom she probably would not have gotten along with (at least they got this part right) given Sophie’s “my prince will sweep me away from an ordinary life” phylosophy). To be honest she doesn’t sound like she’d be interested in dating at all.

But this post is about Hunter right? Let me remind you, Hunter is not mentioned in Nicola’s introduction, when she talks about her life in Galvadon. Canon!Nicola tells us that she has two brothers who want to inherit her father’s pub in order to sell the place, but Nicola is close with her father and likes working there to some extent, even if she has bigger ambitions. She believes her brothers sent her application as a way to get rid of her.

Back when I still had some faith that Soman had an arc for Nicola that included resolution, I had my theories as to why she wouldn’t mention Hunter: maybe he was to appear in later books and they’d have a huge backstory explaining their friendship, as well as a dramatic confession that Hunter sent her application because he felt Nicola deserved to live an adventure, and Nicola would either realize that she was meant for something more or that she wanted to live a quiet life, honestly either would be nice. I would have taken anything. Truly, if Nicola’s k-pop boyfriend in the OTK epilogue had been replaced with Hunter, I might be able to hate it less.

Especially if they came to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) school wedding as friends. Because you know what?

We are starved for male-female friendships in the SGE universe.

Tedros’s only female friends (all his friends in general) are Agatha’s friends (who all tried to get rid of him at some point, save for maybe Dot) and his actual friends are all dead (Bettina/Chaddick). Hort could be counted as Agatha’s friend, if only he didn’t bash her every five seconds like a moron (he literally pitched the idea that Agatha should be executed by Tedros in OTK, just because he was envious or her relationship with Sophie (not jealous, envious, because Sophie wasn’t his to begin with)) over his delusional sense entitlement of Sophie’s affections (which I hate, but as this is not a Hort-bashing post, I won’t get too much into), but the coven, Beatrix, Renna and co. would not touch him with a stick. Merlin’s friendship with Lady Of The Lake is gone, and Dovey is dead. Rhian and Kei both had that frenemies thing with Sophie in ACOT/beggining of OTK, but I think it was supposed to be romantic? It wasn’t ew (I hate Rhian but he’s also wasted potential, and so was Kei, whom I liked, rest in peace). Japeth hates women for??? Whatever. Willam and Bodgen are such background characters I could not care less about them. The new students weren’t memorable enough for me to remember their names. I think this about covers the main male cast.

There’s a lack of male friendships too, but we kinda have (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Tort and whatever was that rushed Tedros/Chaddick friendship.  Rhian and Kei were gay friends (yeah, right, sure, very platonic). Tedros and Rhian could have been friends if Rhian redeemed himself, but otherwise no. Tedros and Filip… gay. Japeth literally killed Rhian, so also not very good friendship between brothers. Hort has no friends, because Ravan would so not be here for his bs. Willam and Bogden are a couple and (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) so were Aric and Japeth, I guess.

Still don’t believe Hunter was wasted potential? Okay, let me tell you what my ideal Nicola arc would be, mixing Handbook!Nicola with some canon!Nicola and including Hunter.

- Nicola is the one inheriting the pub (once she gets married), despite Galvadon’s pre-TLEA sexism and conservative views, because she is her father’s only child and her brothers are actually her older half-siblings from her mother’s previous marriage.

- Her mom died at some point early in her childhood. Not a childbirth tho, because Callis, local witch gynecologist (have you checked my post on this yet? no? you should) was there for her, even if it was a high risk pregnancy because the mom was already older.

- Because of that, Nicola’s father actually sells bread to Callis for cheaper prizes, but don’t tell the elders, shhh

- Anyway, because her mom was gone so early, Nicola was raised by her dad, brothers and by the employees (mostly men, as I don’t think it was all that common for women to work jobs in Galvadon) of her father’s pub. Due to being a girl, most guys weren’t willing to befriend her (sexism, am I right), but because she was a tomboy she had difficulty bonding with the other girls at school, even when they weren’t outright hostile (cof cof Sophie). 

- Example: she and Belle had a tentative bond over their love of cooking, but often ran out of things to talk about and the conversation fell flat.

- Which is how she ends up befriending Hunter. 

- Hunter is the only boy in a family of many girls and his father works all day. He has a good heart and is rather emotional, but he always feels like he has something to prove, which leads him to being rather impulsive. Both Nicola and Hunter love sports and are very competitive people. Once Nicola gains his respect, he feels very protective of her and often feels the need to stand up for her, even if she doesn’t need it.

- Nicola knows Hunter feels overlooked in his family, so she is always inviting him over and taking care of him, keeping him out of trouble. Her father begins to see him as his own son, and soon he spends more time at Nicola’s house than at his own.

- Everyone thinks they’ll get married some day. His sisters tease him mercilessly about it, and so does Nic’s father, but frankly, Nic and Hunter see each other as family.

- You can bet Hunter is the one teaching Nic about periods after asking his sisters, so she wouldn’t have to suffer with Galvadon’s horrid Sex Ed. (go check the Callis headcanon’s okay, give me clout, that it my favorite post I’ve ever made)

- They tried to kiss once. Nicola vomited and Hunter gaged.

- Hunter is Nicola’s number one supporter and fan, 100% had those gender-equality pins she made for her campaigns all over his bags and jackets.

- Since most wedding matches are arranged by the elders before girls even graduate, it was settled that Nic and Hunter would get married to each other and then inherit the pub. It would of course, be a secretly platonic match and they would suspiciously have no children (Nicola even had a plan to visit Callis to get a potion for infertility, just in case the elders wanted to check on her... okay, I’ll stop).

- Hunter doesn’t tell her, but Nicola knows he wants to marry for love and have a family of his own. She tries to talk him out of marrying her, but he insists that he would be doing it out of love for her, even if not romantic, because Nic didn’t deserve to be matched up with some stranger she barely knows who would no doubt be less tolerant of her more radical views.

- She tells him it’d be fine for him to have a affairs then, but he insists he would never do that to her, because people would talk about Nic if that was the case and her reputation would be ruined.

- The night of Sophie and Agatha kidnapping Nicola tells him she would rather be taken to the School than to stay there and make him live an unhappy life.

- Hunter is horrified (remember, everyone thought going to the school was a fate worse than death) and makes her promise to never treat her life so fickly.

- Sophie and Agatha get taken, come back, but during Tedros’ reign of terror in Galvadon, right before they return to the Woods, Nicola’s father grows very very sick.

- Nic thinks he’s going to die, and she frets, not only because they’re close but also because she can’t inherit the place if she doesn’t marry Hunter. But, well, she sort of always knew, but now that feels very real, she thought she had some more time before that.

- They set a date for the wedding, but thankfully, Tedros and Agatha’s escape ends up causing the ceremony to be delayed.

- By the time the new date is set, there’s no more elders and Stefan is now mayor.

- But just because he is the mayor doesn’t mean the law and the sexism is gone overnight.

- Nic’s father is getting somewhat better, but she is still very worried about him, because of his old age.

- Once SGE starts having applications and has been proved to be, well, somewhat safe, Hunter suggests that Nicola applies, but after the scare that she might lose her father sooner rather than later, she tells him she can’t bring herself to leave him.

- Hunter doesn’t want her to throw her life away, specially now knowing that in the Endless Woods there were people like her and that progress would get there before it ever got to Galvadon 

- (He also wants to not marry someone he views as a sister, pls).

- So he files her application in secret.

- Nicola gets accepted, upon Sader’s request and Sophie’s bad luck, into the School For Evil. She and Sophie still don’t get along, the Evil castle rejects her and she gets pushed to Good, becoming an Ever, but she’s only staying until Christmas, because she is worried sick about her father.

- She thinks the application was a plot from her brothers because she doesnt think Hunter would ever betray her trust like that, after she specifically told him she wouldn't go.

- There’s no Hicola, instead, she and Hort become friends and she talks him out of his delusions with Sophie, because as much as Nicola dislikes her, Sophie was a girl too, and deserved to have her feelings respected. 

- She also punches Hort into giving up his envy of Tedros and Agatha while at it, because she is just that efficient.

- Everything else up to OTK can be pretty much the same because I can’t remember what happens, other than everytime Nicola is smart girl™, it’s not “because she reads”, but because she is practical. 

- Example: on the boat scene where she very pretentiously sasses Agatha for not saying hello to her (canon!Nicola, girl, she just suffered six months of loneliness at Camelot because Tedros shut her out and is now on a quest to save her happy ending, probs didn’t get much sleep, maybe cut her some slack) and then tells her how to sail a boat (despite the fact that there are no boats in Galvadon and I’m sure you can’t just read Peter Pan and learn to sail a boat, unless I did it wrong or something, maybe the storian version comes with a crash course). Here, instead, Nicola presses Hort (who is a pirate’s son) to remember literally anything to help them (therefore making him not completely useless on this quest), and he does and they tell Agatha and she’s like sure and does it.

- Now, in OTK, I literally can’t remember where Nicola was for most of it and I read that book not too long ago, so I’m worried. 

- Okay, so, have the Knights Of Eleven actually serve some purpose, include a scene where Tedros and Nicola stress-play rugby and get her some internal conflict.

- Nic now loves this world. She just spent the last few weeks fighting to protect it. She is now a Knight, and she loves the adventures and the new friends she made. Can she really go back to Gavaldon to take care of a pub? Well, she needs to, doesn’t she? That’s what a good daughter would do.

- After Japeth’s execution, Nic goes straight home.

- Her father’s condition is stable, as he is being treated by Hunter and his new wife.

- Oh boy, Hunter has some explaining to do.

- Nicola is furious that he broke her trust, but at the same time, she’s happy he’s happy and well, Hunter what do you have to say for yourself?

- “Damn, Nic, nice armour- ouch, my arm!”

- Apparently, since Nicola was taken, Stefan approved a law for people to be able to leave their inheritance to whomever they wanted. And since Nic was gonna be at the Woods, her father was more than happy to leave it to Hunter. Of course, unless Nicola wanted to stay at Gavaldon. 

- Does she? She’s not sure.

- Hunter and Nicola attend the tagatha wedding at Camelot (what, like I wasn’t gonna fix this part?), Hunter is Nic’s plus one.

- There, Hester, Anadil and Dot show her Sader’s note, and ask her, not to become School Master, but to become Dean Of Good, because she would be perfect for the new brand of Good to match Sophie’s Evil. You know, since she is all for gender-equality, good manners, practicality and was particularly good at dealing with Sophie’s bs.

- Since Tedros has the Storian Ring, the pen doesn’t need actual protection, well, not more than it can get from Nic and Sophie.

- Sophie herself insists that Nicola accept the position, not because she doesn’t want to be alone at the school now that Hort and Dovey are dead, no, of course not, since when did Sophie ever need anyone, she was just asking cause… cause Nicola looked lonely. The pretty boy who came with her was not her boyfriend, was he? Sophie was prettier than him anyway. Who needs a boy when they can have her?

- Whether they become a couple or not, I’ll let you decide.

- Bonus: years later, Hunter’s eldest daughter is accepted at the School for Good. Nicola is her godmother, and her favoritism shows.

There, if nothing else, the reason you should be mad about Hunter and the Handbook in general is because this didn’t happen.

[latenightbyeol]

I’m sorry y’all.

Guys. Listen.

I would like to apologize for my rant earlier. Some were triggered and annoyed; some were also respectful, but that isn’t the main point. 

Here’s the thing:

I’m going to be legitimately serious and sincere.

I just don't feel too attached towards any of the characters. I never did actually. But that's just me. Yeah, I like the characters and their developments (for the most part), and I dislike some characters; but if we were to lose any of these games, I wouldn't really care so much. What's gone is gone. I have another way to cope myself away from the harsh realities, which is making videos for my channel. 

 I totally understand that for some, playing Beemoov games is one of the major ways or the only way to cope difficult emotions in order to escape the harsh reality. I totally get it. Really. It’s hard to find something to successfully cope with, especially with the whole pandemic situation still going on. 😔

I may have been too childish in ranting out about it earlier because not everyone thinks the same way that I do, and that's okay. Everyone thinks differently; it's only normal. My condescending, ill-mannered inner demons were speaking; I was annoyed, which is also normal. I did speak out facts on my post, but I did in a way that may have only cause a trigger on some or many people. Plus, I take the fault for that. 

 I may not care a lot about Beemoov games like most do, but yeah, there are those who have a "deep passion" for these otome games. While I have that kind of passion for K-Pop related things...

So, I’m sorry, guys. For those who I’ve offended. 

We all have different sets of opinions, and that’s alright. We all have different sets of interests as well. 

I have no intention in fighting with anyone. 

I’m not against y’all being in this Beemoov boycott. I still give you good luck and good vibes that all of you can get what you want from this company.  

I should have empathized, but instead, I just triggered you guys. More apologies. 

I thought things impulsively. 

We all make mistakes regardless though. It’s only human. 

Thanks for reading. 

[missfiatlux]

Chapter 5

read on reddit

Down in the Nightlife, Plutonium awoke.

“Sir,” said the messenger who had woken him. “I am sorry to report that instead of the two damned souls we were expecting, we have received 108.”

Plutonium’s face transfigured in wrath. “What the hell? Do these people think the Nightlife is some sort of ultra-adaptable cloud cuckoo land? No! I’ve got a fucking schedule to run, budgets to balance, vendors to pay, and various deities to appease! I’m under immense stress, and these Daylife folks think they can just up and die any fucking time? I’m half a mind to turn them away, but noooo, ‘we can’t let dead people wander around through the Daylife, it’s bad for morale.’ Who the fuck cares about the fucking Daylife? Not me!”

Plutonium repeated this rant nearly every day, only varying where he placed the profanity. As such, it had somewhat lost its scariness.

The messenger began again. “Sir, reports say that the change of plans was caused by a single individual, a boy-vampire named Axel Johnston. He caused his car to briefly grow aerofoils and fly over the Grand Canyon. At the same time he caused a plane carrying 108 passengers to spontaneously detach from its wings and fall into the canyon. That’s where most of the damned are from.”

Here was a problem Plutonium could solve. “Put a bounty on Johnston’s head,” he bellowed. “Five hundred million! Dead or alive!”

“Sir, are you sure? This Johnston character seems awfully powerful. Perhaps he can help you regain favor with the gods.” The messenger felt, for the first time, that he was extremely smart.

Plutonium stroked his chin. “Excellent thinking. Make sure it is clear that the bounty will be awarded only if he is captured hale and hearty.”

The messenger nodded and dashed off. Later on that day, signs went up all over the Nightlife, signs with Axel’s face (a creative rendition by the messenger, replete with horns and a mohawk), and information about how to collect the bounty. The souls of the damned observed these signs with interest. Being dead is not all that gripping, after all.

***

Drip. Drip. Drip. Hubcap listened to the persistent dripping of water out of the gutter, as she gazed at a newly posted sign on the wall. Down in the Nightlife, the air always smelled damp, and frequent fogs rolled through. Hubcap had never seen it rain here, but anything that stayed down here long enough would eventually get soaked by condensation. The sign was already wrinkling in the humidity, as was Hubcap’s white tuxedo. Dew was forming on the hellhounds’ slick black fur.

“FIVE HUNDRED MILLION FOR AXEL JOHNSTON, CAPTURED ALIVE,” read the sign. The picture showed a boy with a mohawk and two horns. Hubcap snorted. This was clearly a creation of someone’s fevered imagination. In her years of experience at bounty hunting for the Nightlife, it was quite common for the pictures on the signs to bear little or no resemblance to the person they were aiming to depict. While this initially caused her great confusion, she had now learned to contact Plutonium himself for the necessary details.

Other details about Axel included that he was a vampire, and extremely dangerous. Apparently, he had killed 108 people in a plane crash. This was either exaggerated or completely misrepresented. Hubcap tore the damp sign off the wall and stuffed it in her pocket. “Let’s go,” she said to her three hellhounds. It was time to find Plutonium.

***

“Hubcap, it is good to see you again,” boomed Plutonium. “Here to talk to a dead relative? Want to know your future? Need a divine favor?”

Plutonium knew it was none of these things. It never was. Hubcap was, for someone who had managed to make their way to the Nightlife, surprisingly pragmatic.

Hubcap smiled. “Oh, no. I am here to inquire about this wanted poster for Axel Johnston. This picture is... not an accurate depiction, is it?” She held up the imaginative poster.

“Your killer instincts are correct,” Plutonium said. “My sources say that Axel Johnston is medium height, his hair is brown, and he has vampire teeth.”

“So where is he now?”

“He’s on the move, but I think he’s somewhere in Utah.”

“Great,” said Hubcap, moving to leave. “By the way, you might think about making your wanted posters more helpful. That way you can save time by simply supplying the relevant information upfront.”

Plutonium looked somewhat hurt. “I didn’t know you disliked talking to me that much!”

Hubcap waved dismissively as she left. This was why Plutonium had lost favor with the other gods. He lost his temper frequently, was inefficient, and acted like an incorrigible flirt. Hubcap would bet all the money of the reward that this bounty had something to do with a plot to regain favor with the powers that be.

Still, obtaining the reward would be no easy feat. Axel sounded wily and smart, especially since he was already on the move. Possibly he knew that he was being pursued. In fact, he probably knew that the Nightlife existed, and could be engaging in his own ploy of trying to obtain whatever it was he wanted.

Hubcap tried to think what vampires usually wanted. A lot of them were trying to reclaim their lost kingdoms. It was kind of romantic, really; lots of kids dreamed of discovering a new land, and the urge to recover a lost kingdom seemed like the same kind of impulse for discovery, but transmogrified into something that usually made Plutonium angry, which is where Hubcap came in. Usually she felt no qualms about her vocation, but this newest case reminded her of fear.

***

A long time ago, Hubcap captured a vampire named Talfie Roskov.

Talfie was on Plutonium’s radar because she kept trying to strike deals with him to “liberate” a certain soul from the Nightlife. She brought him valuable objects and offered various services in exchange for one of the damned. Things were a lot more complicated than Talfie seemed to assume, however. First, the damned didn’t have bodies. If they were to be brought back to the Daylife, they would have to be bound to some object or person. Second, all the gods agreed that death was sacrosanct and not to be trifled with. Plutonium, forever trying to curry favor among them, was thus reluctant to help Talfie, no matter how noble her cause seemed to be.

The biggest consideration, however, was that there was no compelling reason to bring any of the damned back to the Daylife. You’d either have to exchange your own soul for their soul (hence becoming one of the damned yourself) or find someone else who was willing to exchange their soul (hence, you losing a dear friend, for who else but a dear friend would give their very soul?) Alternately, you could bind the soul to some inanimate object, but this presented the issue that inanimate objects cannot communicate, and are unsatisfying as companions.

Given these limitations, Talfie was either wholly illogical, or completely misunderstood. It was possible that her reasons for bringing back the dead were far different from what they appeared. When she first heard of the story, Hubcap thought that it was kind of like the classic tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, but what if Talfie, like Hubcap, was just a mercenary?

It didn’t really matter. Talfie eventually got tired of fruitless negotiations, and she snuck in a pack of playing cards. She found the soul that she was looking for, and she performed some rite to bind it to her deck of cards. By the time Plutonium found out, Talfie was long gone.

Chasing Talfie was the thrill of Hubcap’s life. The hellhounds ran, and sniffed, and howled, covering tens of miles of ground a day; Hubcap camped outside, sleeping in shifts with the hounds. At the end of the fifth day of hunting, Hubcap had Talfie cornered in a shabby, abandoned barn.

Hubcap was quite curious what a deck of cards with a soul looked like. So while she cuffed Talfie, she asked to see them.

Wind whistled through the cracked slats of the barn. “You’d know it as soon as you saw it,” said Talfie. “The cards are always warm. They’re ornate, you might think they’re tarot, but they’re not. Some of them have foil on their faces. I don’t know how to describe them, but they look like they’re all from some different, alternate universe, clinging to each other tightly so as not to be alone in a strange land, if you know what I mean. I lost it a long time ago.”

Hubcap shivered, then snapped the handcuffs closed. “Sorry to hear that.” She felt like a cat with a dead bird in her mouth.

***

After taking Talfie to Plutonium, Hubcap went back to her hotel room and dumped a pile of chicken entrails in the bathtub for the hellhounds to eat. She took off her dirty tuxedo jacket and sat on the bed. The excitement of the hunt was quickly dissipating, replaced with a strange, morose drowsiness.

Hubcap had seen Talfie’s deck of cards before. She had, in her own way, unintentionally asked it for a favor. And this favor had been granted. It was to this deck of cards that she owed her hellhounds. Plutonium had never asked her how she’d gotten to the Nightlife, and she hoped he never would. Otherwise she would have to make up a lie… but she was too tired for that now…

***

Hopefully Axel was one of the delusory vampires, the ones whose greatest ambition was a very, very small one, a desire to reclaim rather than make new. If not, well, Hubcap would do her very, very best to avoid getting mixed up with it. She was only into magic for the money.

[moneypedia]

How to Defend Against False Accusations: A Personal Defense and 5 Guidelines to Protect The Truth

August 5, 2018 By Drew Shepherd

[Note: This post contains details about an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder (BPD). These details are included for informational purposes only, not to spread hate towards people with the illness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with BPD, however, you may want to avoid this article.]

Guilty until proven innocent.

That’s the new norm these days.

Our current social climate has made it empowering to be a victim. And any abusers left standing must be exterminated—whether they’re guilty or not.

Please don’t think I’m downplaying the experience of actual victims though.

I know what it’s like to be among the lowest of society, and the struggle of real victims is part of the inspiration behind this site.

But the inconvenient truth is that all these “abusers” aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Why do I say that you ask?

Because I’m one of them.

And this is my story.

The Accusation(s)

During my early twenties, I got involved with a girl who I later realized had borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’ve already written about the experience and I’ve alluded to it multiple times since. So please read that article before this one if you haven’t already.

BPD is a serious mental illness, but most people have never heard of it, let alone know how to diagnose it.

If you’re not aware of how people with the disorder act, this post will come off as a rant against an innocent girl who liked me—which couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to summarize, the most notable symptom of BPD is the inability to regulate emotions. It’s a symptom so powerful that a sufferer’s feelings can define his or her reality. And this is what leads to many false accusations.

Manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, promiscuity—she publicly accused me of all them.

It’s part of the process of “painting someone black.” The BPD person goes through cycles of both extreme love and hate for their loved one, but once the relationship ends, the other party is permanently devalued.

Of course this treatment is reserved for those in close relationships with the BPD sufferer. Outsiders will only see a victim pleading her case.

I’ve stayed quiet on these accusations so far since most of them don’t have any substance, but I unfortunately made one mistake that appears to give her claims some validity.

So I’m sure that she already has, or eventually will use this evidence against me. And if her false accusations were to gain traction, they would not only destroy my reputation, but also the legitimacy of the message I present on this site.

The latter is my primary reason for defense.

I’ve always said that the Bible is the basis for my moral judgment, and that couldn’t be more important than in sexual matters.

Now do I always control my lustful impulses and thoughts?

And do I always prevent myself from viewing images I shouldn’t see?

No.

I’m a Christian but I’m still a sinful human being. Controlling lust is part of the lifelong battle against sin in the Christian life.

But when it comes to things like fornication and adultery, I’ve held true to my stance on abstinence.

And as tough as it is to be a twenty-something with this stance in our sex-saturated world, it’s beyond frustrating to be accused of doing the complete opposite.

I’m an ambassador for what I believe. And I can’t allow anything on this site—faith-related or not—to be diminished because of one person’s claims.

So I’ll go into detail here about what really happened, and then I’ll show you how to defend against false accusations once and for all.

Drew “The Player”

I’ll preface my story with a little background information.

I was going into my last semester in college, and it had been about a year since I saw my accuser in person.

Things didn’t end well between me and her the last time we were “together.” But I was admittedly still interested in her—even with all the red flags.

It appeared that both of us were sad with the way the first go ‘round ended. So I foolishly tried to work something out with her before the semester started.

To my surprise, I was ignored and indirectly shot down.

How a normal girl would’ve reacted

It hurt pretty bad after putting myself out there for someone I thought still cared. But rejection is a part of life, so I moved on.

What’s crazy though, is that she changed her mind at some point afterwards. And even though I never got a direct response from her, she apparently assumed we were in a quasi-relationship.

Now fast forward to February.

It was the week of Valentine’s Day. And while I did still think of her, I wasn’t sending a Valentine’s Day anything to a girl who I didn’t trust, who now lived in a different state, and who couldn’t even respond to my direct communication.

The only reason I entertained the thought of us getting back together—if we were ever truly together in the first place—was because she hoovered me back in.

Hoovering is a term that describes actions similar to what its namesake, the Hoover vacuum does.

It’s a tactic people with personality disorders subconsciously use to suck loved ones back in after a failed relationship.

In this case, she used one of the social media apps we both had to convince me that she was open to a renewed relationship, and that she had changed for the better.

But at this point, I was just focused on schoolwork because I had no clue what this girl was thinking.

I had a senior project for an external company that took most of my time that semester.

My project group and I met just about every weekday. And at the time, we were all trying to meet a deadline coming up the next week.

The day after Valentine’s Day, one of my teammates mentioned that we should go play trivia at a local bar. But being the introverted party-pooper I am, I declined.

My schedule involved waking at around 5:30 each day. My teammates were always out too late for my liking, and I knew I’d never make it back in time to get enough sleep if I went.

So I gave the whole, “Thanks, but no thanks” spiel even though I knew they wouldn’t let me off that easy.

Our team was a pretty tight group—especially for four people who were assigned to each other at random.

We had a ton of inside jokes by the end of the semester. And they were the first to tease me at graduation because my honor stole nearly fell as I walked across the stage.

So naturally, they all had a good laugh at me for not wanting to miss my bedtime.

Of course it was all playful fun though. I did get back at them numerous times over the semester, but I’ll admit that I have an off-kilter personality that lends itself to being teased.

So anyway, we went our separate ways and I headed to bed.

The next day, I saw an email from the night before saying that I was invited to a school-specific social app. I didn’t see the email until the early morning though because I went to bed early.

I had never heard of the app before and I was skeptical. So my first thought after waking and reading the email was, “What the heck is (app name here)?”

My second thought was, “Who’s the funny guy who sent this?”

Now I knew it was someone who previously had my email address.

Of course any student could have pulled that info from the school’s directory, but I doubt anyone would have gone through the trouble of searching their class roster, finding me, and then using my email address for the sake of hitting me up on an app.

So it had to be someone with whom I worked with closely or had a personal relationship with.

With these facts in mind, I falsely concluded that it was a prank from my teammate that the rest of the group was in on.

They had just gone out together the night before. And they always found a way to mess with me—even when I wasn’t around.

So just like any other time I felt I was being pranked, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I played along with the hope that the other party wouldn’t realize until it was too late (and this has been my M.O. since I was a kid).

But doing this, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

Any form of participation on what I later realized was a hookup app would paint me in a bad light. And the consequences of my actions weren’t as clear at 5:30 in the morning.

After I made a quick profile—complete with pictures no man would ever use if he was truly seeking casual sex—I waited about 15 minutes for a response that never came.

Then after realizing how bad my actions could appear without context, I quickly deleted the app and went on with my day.

I’m not sure if I completely wiped the profile I created. But since the app was lesser-known and low key about its hookup aspect—it’s not like I signed on to Tinder—I figured this wouldn’t be a problem.

Outside of my own actions with the invite and the app though, I don’t know anything else. But there’s a chance that a troll profile made 10 minutes after I woke could end up biting me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to address it.

Now, I’m almost certain this invite was from my accuser. And I still kick myself for not recognizing the true source of the bait.

My actions gave her the apparent confirmation that I was “playing the field.” And within the week, she either started, or just made it obvious that she was sleeping with another guy to spite me—a wild and disproportionate response to the thought that your S.O. may be seeing someone else.

So once I confirmed that this actually happened, I ghosted her and all her drama, focused on my schoolwork (which led to my first 4.0), and then went along with my life.

People with BPD are notorious for doing stuff like this. It’s the reason why a popular book covering the illness is called Stop Walking On Eggshells (affiliate link):

They’ll cry about a lack of communication but then ignore you when you reach out to them.

They’ll go on about how lonely they are while sleeping with one of their (or even your) “friends” behind your back.

They’ll say you’re too stupid to complete a task but discredit you when you do it, and then raise the bar higher so you won’t reach the new mark.

After a while you won’t know what to do because she’ll never be satisfied. And everyone else will chalk it up to you not knowing how to treat a woman.

No-win situations and constant testing are common to those in relationships with these people—especially in regards to anything sexual. So I presume the invite was a test to see if I was some dirtbag who would cheat on his partner.

Now I’d hesitate to call it cheating either way since she ignored my attempts to directly communicate, and I had no idea what our relationship status was.

But the other “fact” she gathered was that I was a player who enjoyed casual sex (an assumption that would have driven a younger me mad with laughter).

Look, I understand that I don’t have a squeaky-clean Christian boy appearance—going through trials doesn’t purify the outside after all.

But that doesn’t mean I partake in the same activities those who look like me may be into. And it for sure doesn’t mean that my moral character is anything different than what I present on this site.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m black either…but I won’t go down that road.

I should also note that I don’t have a personal Facebook or Instagram account. So it’s tough for others to know much about my life unless they read this site or talk to me or my loved ones personally.

This blank space makes me an easy target for accusations since I can be unknowingly attacked through mediums where I can’t defend myself. And there are no videos of me playing with my dog to fill the holes left by my “shady” lifestyle.

Usually this isn’t a problem as most of the people I meet don’t care about my online presence. But of course there’s always one person who assumes the worst case scenario. And it’s sad that in my case, this person was someone I genuinely liked before.

These obsessive behaviors were nothing new though:

This same girl cried sobbed in the middle of one of our classes—when we were both in our twenties mind you—because I didn’t initially return her interest.

She would go from spaced-out to depressed and then stare at me like it was my fault.

She even accused me of cheating after seeing a pic my mom took of me when I was at dinner with my family.

So you can imagine the relief I felt when I closed the door on that for good.

At this point, the only ones who still believe her lies—or to be fair to the illness she has, her reality—are people I’ve never met.

But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just annoyed that my life is still negatively affected because I fell for the wrong girl.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the honest truth.

How to Craft Your Defense

So now that my story’s out of the way, how do you fight your own false accusations?

It’s not too difficult.

Just follow these 5 guidelines to protect yourself in both the present, and the future:

1) Remember the Alibi

As tempting as it is to piece together a story that makes you look like a saint, you have to ensure the truth you present is actually…well, true.

Since I couldn’t remember all this off the top of my head, I dug through my old emails and group conversations to get the timeline right. And I could always use them again if legal action was involved.

It also helps that I have an archive of posts here that clearly present my personality and the mistakes I’ve made.

You can even compare this post to the one I wrote on BPD earlier and you’ll see numerous similarities. If anyone thought I was lying, they could search the other 40+ posts here too to see that the story adds up.

But if you don’t have thousands of words as supporting evidence, just take your time, breathe, and write down what happened as best as you remember.

False accusations can cloud your memory when you first hear them, and your emotions will push for a raw defense. But if you start writing what you remember, you can put that passion to good use now, and update your writing later with more facts.

A story set in writing will be a great resource to have. You don’t want to lean on your memory or your speech when the pressure’s on.

If you write down what happened, you’ll also find other bits of evidence you’ll need to prepare your defense. And if your audience is really concerned with the truth, they’ll take all the info they can get.

2) Compare the Fruit

Perhaps the easiest way to expose the shakiness of false accusations is to note the shakiness of the accuser’s lifestyle.

This is by far my least favorite technique though since it appears to be an attack on character instead of the accusation itself. But understand that those two targets aren’t mutually exclusive.

A person who usually acts one way is almost certain to do it again.

And no, that fact isn’t judgmental. It’s simple probability.

This is going to sound like I’m bragging about my accomplishments and attacking her character, but let’s compare some notable points about my life and my accuser’s:

I improved to at least a 3.5 GPA in my last four college semesters within a STEM major. But I’ll admit my accuser was booksmart, so we’re pretty much even there.

I have never gotten blacked-out drunk (or even consumed alcohol). I have never taken an illegal substance. And I have never lived a promiscuous lifestyle. My accuser has done, and probably still does, all three.

I landed a stable job in my field more than a month before I graduated, and I’m still employed there today. My accuser barely held a job as a bar server about a year after graduating with the same degree.

Again, I don’t like expressing my achievements, and I never want to attack anyone’s character. We all make mistakes, and I made one of the biggest mistakes any student ever will (which she contributed to by the way).

But when someone’s lifestyle displays a clear pattern of incompetence, recklessness, and mental instability, the validity of their claims also takes a hit.

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve written the equivalent of a book here at HFE—a site where I cover my own shortcomings just as much, if not more than my accomplishments—on my own time and dollar because I believe it will help others.

So knowing all this, let me ask you, who do you think is telling the truth?

A tree’s fruit always gives it away.

Know who you are and know who you’re dealing with so any other lies are dismissed as the jokes they are.

3) Change “I” to “We”

The most unfortunate thing about false accusations is that no one’s waiting to hear a verdict.

As soon as those words leave your accuser’s mouth, you will be facing much more than one person.

Friends, family, social circles, even whole communities may turn against you.

And what began as a defense against one liar becomes a battle against an entire army.

So what do you do when this multitude of warriors stands against you?

It’s simple.

You gather the troops.

Find people who can vouch for your story. Get help from friends who aren’t blinded by the lies. Ask people who were neutral bystanders to explain what happened since they’re not biased.

I know I can get anyone from former classmates, friends, and family members to acknowledge the truth of my claims.

And since I know the mental issues my accuser deals with, I can also refer to a psychologist or another mental health resource.

An understanding of my accuser’s mind is one of the best counters to her claims. Yes, she acts in unstable ways, but they’re predictably unstable, and numerous people have experience with the problem I have now.

You shouldn’t be afraid to get professional help either.

Lawyer up if it’s serious enough.

Slander and libel are legit crimes. And if you can prove that your life is heavily impacted, especially financially, you may have a case.

So don’t go at this alone. You can bet your accuser isn’t.

4) Go One and Done

The biggest mistake people make when presenting any argument, defense, or reasoning is that they over-explain themselves.

Sure, you want to be as thorough as possible in your explanation, and you should reference points of that original argument to answer questions. But there’s no need to add to your stance or sate a mind that will never believe you.

If you’ve taken the necessary steps to present and defend the truth, you have to live with the results.

Learn to be comfortable with the fact that everyone won’t like, listen to, or believe you. Because the more you add to your original defense, the weaker it will appear.

You’ll also introduce more room for error. And it would be a shame for a memory lapse to cause an otherwise solid defense to fail.

Remember that it’s only your job to present the truth. Not to make others believe it.

I’m confident that my defense removes any ammo my accuser has left. So now the only claims she can bring against me are accusations of neglect—which don’t matter since I’m not her parent—or causing hurt feelings—which isn’t a crime in America yet.

I presented the truth one time, and now there’s no need to address her claims again.

Every accusation doesn’t deserve a response. So stay true to what really happened, and let people think what they want afterwards.

5) Don’t Even Fake It

These accusations have made me realize the importance of the Bible’s command to, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV)

It’s not enough to just avoid evil acts. You have to avoid situations where you could possibly do them too.

For instance, plenty articles on false accusations describe how to protect yourself against false rape claims. But if someone can accuse you of something like rape without an obvious fabrication, you are in over your head.

You can’t reach the point where a verdict is decided by a “yes” or “no.”

It’s one of the many reasons you shouldn’t sleep around in the first place. You are putting your life in the hands of someone who could easily change their mind in the morning. And you have to stay out of that gray area.

Remember to guard your character at all times. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on your integrity.

For example, I remember one conversation I had with a friend a few years back, and my accuser happened to be in the room.

My friend noticed that I received a few glances of interest from girls. So out of the blue he asked, “Drew, how many girls do you get?”

He chuckled while asking the question, so of course it wasn’t anything serious. He didn’t ask about anything explicitly sexual either.

So being the joker I am, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know. I lost count.”

Then the both of us laughed it off.

But there’s a chance my accuser heard those words and immediately assumed the worst.

It would have been ridiculous to say something like:

“I’m sorry sir, but I am a Bible-believing man of God who has accepted the challenge to live righteously. How dare you imply that I live such a heinous lifestyle?!”

So I had a quick laugh and moved off the subject.

But even this could have added to her claims. So now I try not to even joke about stuff like that—at least not when I’m around people who barely know me.

You should do the same. But don’t limit your efforts to watching your tongue:

Always dress in a respectable manner.

Avoid the crazy nighttime venues—they’re magnets for people like my accuser.

And please don’t go to a hotel room belonging to a member of the opposite sex.

Presentation always matters.

Avoid the appearance of evil, and it’ll be impossible to even accuse you.

Grant Me That Chance

I’ve had enough headaches from my past relationship, and I’d rather not think about it anymore.

But it was important to defend myself here before any other false info leaked.

I hope none of it came across as too aggressive though. I wrote all of this to clear my name, not to get revenge.

From all I’ve seen, read, and now experienced, real victims don’t go out of their way to destroy their abuser’s life. They just want justice and a chance to finally move on.

So if anything else comes up about this, please remember this point and grant me that chance.

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate my accuser, and I hope she’s able to turn her life around.

If there was a normal version of her who didn’t have what she had, I’d love to meet her. But the ship has sailed on anything between me and the real her.

All I want now is peace and the freedom to live a good life. And I’m sure that’s all you want too.

So remember who you are, take a stand for the truth, and then defend it with your life.

And who knows? Someone else may come to your defense if you do.

-Drew

[queenmercurys]

Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been getting hate for shipping Jo and Laurie. People can be so terrible. :( I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about them, but I understand if you prefer not to share more out of concern for the hate. Regardless, thank you for your answer.

Thank you! It’s really not a big deal, but I’m kinda at that point in my life where I really don’t need to be reading hateful comments about fictional ships on a website like Tumblr. And worst of all, most of these comments are added by people to gifsets I make. So, like, not only do I now feel like it’s risky to even post gifsets about Jo and Laurie, but also the very small amount of interaction I do get for my work is negative feedback. Not a good time. And it confuses me, because I kinda thought Jo and Laurie were a popular ship. And even if they weren’t, who cares? Amy and Laurie shippers already got everything they wanted in the film, why do they have to come after people who ship Jo and Laurie? Doesn’t make much sense to me. But yeah, overall I don’t think I should engage in the ship wars, I’m in my early twenties, I really am too old for this shit. But I will say this: to anyone who thinks it’s ok to comment (or write in the tags) negative things about a ship on an edit someone has spent time making and posting, you need to think about your life choices. And yes, this includes people who reblog the stuff and go “I hate the ship but I love their friendship” because bruh, that was not the point of the edit so like, just don’t interact. It’s that easy. If you don’t like something, don’t interact with it.

Sorry about that mild rant, Tumblr is very frustrating. But yeah, no, I think I’m good with talking more about them, and if someone is offended, they can (and should... I dare you, please) just block me. 

For some AU things, I really love the idea of Laurie actually receiving Jo’s letter and the consequences of that. I’ve seen a few fics kind of delve into that, but not really in the way I see it. So, maybe one day I’ll write like a fic based on it. Though that would make me kind of have to address the Amy situation, which I’m not really interested in writing about. But even as just a concept, Laurie finding Jo’s letter and reading it when it’s “too late” is just so bittersweet and I both love and hate the idea. Their entire scene in the attic is just full-on bittersweet. 

I fully subscribe to the idea (I mean, it’s not an idea, it’s what it says in the official script) that Jo didn’t actually run after Friedrich, and allegedly did end up marrying no one. Mostly because it’s what she wanted, ultimately, and also because I really don’t think she and Friedrich were compatible at all. I’m not really seeing it as “if Laurie can’t have her, no one can”, I just don’t see that relationship working. Even if Laurie and Jo had ended up together, I’m not confident that they would have needed to get married, or get married right away. They could have traveled around Europe together, as Jo had always wanted, and gotten to know each other as romantic partners and seen where it’d go from there. I don’t think Jo and Laurie are one of those traditional couples (or friends) in any aspect, so I can’t imagine the basic “marriage, then kids” formula for them. 

I really would have liked to have known what Jo wrote to Laurie in those letters while he was gone, the ones he never answered. I’m not expecting them to have included anything romantic (because if they had, Laurie probably would have felt more positive about answering them), but still, I would have liked to have read them. I truly think the two of them were best friends and as close as two people could possibly be, so their separation is even sadder because of that. I also hate that Laurie was not there for Jo when Beth died. Obviously that’s because he wasn’t in the country, but that’s when she needed Laurie the most, and he wasn’t there, which sucks. 

I’m not sure if anyone else noticed this, but Laurie is still wearing the ring Jo gave him even in the scene where Amy draws him. I just find it really heartbreaking that even after everything, he still couldn’t let her go. And Jo, too, still wears the red scarf shared by her and Laurie (which I assume originally belonged to Laurie) after all those years. I don’t think it’s that easy to let go of your first love (or any love), and Laurie’s facial expressions and reactions around Jo and Friedrich say everything I need to know about how he felt. 

My main headcanon for how I would have wanted Jo and Laurie to end up together would’ve been essentially what would have happened in the film if Amy had not gotten involved. I think I still would’ve wanted Laurie to go to Europe and Jo to have that time to figure out her thoughts, and when he’d return, she’d express her feelings and then, maybe they would go back to Europe together, because I really do want Jo to have that trip. Or alternatively, she figures out her feelings earlier and joins Laurie in Europe. A bit of a romantic sentiment not really befitting Jo’s personality, but the impulsivity is there. And that way, she could, again, see Europe. 

I think overall, I respect everyone’s opinions about the ships in this film, but I have found that I can’t personally understand where the reasoning for Amy and Laurie or Jo and Friedrich comes from. That is, no doubt, reflective of my own personal preferences and biases, and doesn’t reflect any kind of “truth”. This is just my opinion. In the script, they refer to Laurie as Jo’s childhood love, and I really do believe she loved him, and that they could have been an amazing couple. And as a lover of the good, old-fashioned friends-to-lovers trope, I would have liked to see it. A couple with mutual respect, admiration and 100% comfort around each other is a rare thing to find. All too often, Hollywood ships consist of two people who seem to hate each other, but that “hate” is supposed to be translated into some kind of sexual tension (also present in LW). I never understood this, so for me, Jo and Laurie were pretty much perfect. And, as kind of a sidenote, I adore how out-of-the-norm their aesthetic is. How many ships can you name where the man and the woman swap clothes consistently without it being a big deal? The two are so comfortable around each other, I’ve never seen anything like it. I think their chemistry is outstanding, their story is beautiful and even though they weren’t endgame, they’re still definitely my OTP and the only ship I’ve given a damn about in years. So, I think they did some things right. 

[not-poignant]

Game of Thrones writers sometimes deliberately changed storylines if readers guessed what was coming, have you ever done that? And do you change them because people guess? Or for other reasons?

Oooo, cool question! I can’t stand Game of Thrones (sorry everyone), and I really hate that the creators/writers did this actually, and Glen and I (who have both done scriptwriting and creative writing) ranted about it to each other very passionately a few times.

I’ve only ever changed storylines that readers have guessed like once or twice. And it was in a very specific context. I can actually only remember one time: Once was someone who came into the AO3 replies and would tell readers things they thought were happening in the future based on what I’d said on Tumblr (before I’d ever gotten a chance to reply to the readers), without ever checking to see if the other readers even *wanted* to be spoiled that way (there are a lot of people not here on Tumblr because they don’t want spoilers) and it was frustrating enough that I ended up changing a particular storyline in part because of it.

But it wasn’t like... ‘bad, no storyline for you’ it was more like ‘I’ve made a mistake in how I’ve talked about certain plotlines on Tumblr, and I’d like to have some genuine reveals in this story, so I think I’m going to have to work harder to correct something I’ve done wrong.’

In the end, I did that. But overall I’m careful re: changing storylines, and I think it’s cool when people guess things! Because like, generally speaking, you want them to guess things! If you’re telling a story, and have a decent balance between foreshadowing and pacing, readers who like to solve mysteries will start figuring out things on their own. Some will ask you to confirm it for them (which is something I don’t really do anymore unless it’s private on Tumblr, and even then, some things I don’t confirm), and some will keep it to themselves and then go ‘I KNEW IT!!!!!’, and then others will be completely blindsided. It’s great!

The idea of writers deliberately changing things because people guess something they’ve foreshadowed is just really weird? It’s really weird. Some people have already guessed Mosk’s heartsong. It’s great! I’ve got foreshadowing there, so it’s possible to guess it for the people who are willing to sit down with a puzzle. And the people who just don’t care about that kind of storytelling/reading can focus on Mosk’s feelings instead, and the hurt/comfort, and ignore the puzzle completely until they get to the reveal. It’s my favourite kind of storytelling.

Instead, I’m a lot more circumspect about which spoilers I share and why, these days. I’m just aware that some people don’t really grok the spirit of ‘not spoiling other readers just because they know something another reader doesn’t.’ (The ‘I know something you don’t know’ impulse can be too strong to ignore, but sometimes I’ve changed my mind, or the story has gone in a different direction - it’s also why I now say that anything I write here on Tumblr isn’t canon unless it’s in the canon).

As a separate issue, usually the spoilers I post here are quite different to what I post on AO3, and I mentally kept them quite separate, idk why I expected anyone else to think that way, and it was unfair. So I became a lot more secretive with plot points. Some things I’m happy to reveal in part because I expect some people will already have guessed something is coming, or because I genuinely don’t think it’s as important as another reveal, or because it’s logical (like revealing daily excerpts of Eran and Mosk getting along when they’re not getting along right now in the canon isn’t really a spoiler, it’s just logic - it’s not a great romance if my two main characters never get along again).

What I like more these days is watching people speculating. Some people get it right. A few people guessed Vane as the traitor, but because everyone was speculating wildly, the truth gets buried amongst everyone else’s thoughts, and I can just respond to those comments on AO3 the way I respond to the others. And for folks who read the comments and my responses, they might build a broader / more spoilery picture if they want. And others can ignore it. I’m really happy with that system.

But I never changed the fact that Vane was the traitor, because the people who  guessed correctly worked hard to guess that, and I think it’s particularly cool to see people reread and pick up on the (small pieces of) foreshadowing. And for folks who needed the surprise, it got to be a surprise! That’s like, god, that’s like fucking gold. There’s nothing better than the folks who need a puzzle getting to guess some of what’s coming for themselves, and the folks who don’t want one, getting to enjoy the reveals. I work really hard to try and make that happen, I fail at it, but sometimes I succeed.

Changing storylines to stop that from happening is just shooting myself in the foot.

ANYWAY, as to other reasons I change storylines - actually I change storylines a lot because I come up with something I like more or works better in the plot. I generally strongly avoid changing to something that hasn’t been foreshadowed somehow. It’s happened here and there, usually because I’ve written myself into a dead end and to get out of it I have to go in a situation/outcome I haven’t laid a trail out for (this is why I actually have a buffer of like 6-8 chapters between what I’m posting of The Ice Plague and what I’m writing, to give myself a ‘catchment space’ to lay foreshadowing if I significantly change something - that buffer has saved my ass a couple of times).

Idk it feels kind of spiteful to see people guessing something and going ‘well HAHA joke’s on YOU.’ It’s like...watching people work hard and collaboratively with what you’re doing (which is generous and amazing), only to pull the rug out from under them because you didn’t want them to...succeed at working hard and collaboratively with your stuff?

For me, the only time I can remember doing it, it was a really specific response to a really specific circumstance, and it was more an overall aerial view of ‘okay while I enjoy talking about spoilers on Tumblr, I don’t think I can do it anymore in the same way, because it might potentially ruin the experience of people who *don’t* want that on AO3 - and I have no control over how other readers will interact with AO3 comments, and so...I will change the things I do have control over.’

So I do still talk spoilers here, just...in a different way to before!

As to changing storylines, usually only when I can think of something better, and I can still foreshadow it in a way that it makes sense when people finally get there.

In the chapter commentaries on Patreon, I often explain when and why I’ve changed a storyline from the chapter plan, and it’s almost always ‘this worked better and made more sense’ and never ‘someone guessed what was coming’ lol.

[written-prose-things]

Divulge Your Secrets To Me, Starkson

Parkner Week 2020, Prompt 2: “And I said, ‘no’, you know, like a liar”

Available on: AO3

SUMMARY: Harley can’t stand Peter putting himself in danger constantly, so he puts on a suit. As, expected, Peter finds out his secret very quickly. 

Although not easily visible, Harley doesn’t have better impulse control than Tony. Harley regularly spends consecutive days in his lab unless Peter is around to bully him into bed.

But Peter isn’t around always, not with his responsibility as a stupid teenage vigilante. Harley hates it. How he has to see his best friend get to work and handle shit that it way above his pay-grade, just because the avengers have gone rouge and Tony can’t handle everything on his own.

Harley lets his frustration spur him on, even though it’s 3 in the morning and he’s only had a few nutri-bars in the last six hours, with infinite cups of coffee.

Harley hates that Peter isn’t here to take him back to his room. He hates that his best friend has to go out even when he should be at home recovering from his last fight with some stupid evil scientist.

Harley finally puts down his interface and staring at the finalised schematics F.R.I.D.A.Y. complies and pulls up.

The design looks nice. It’s a sleek suit, much lighter than Tony’s suit, mostly to be used for canvassing and running disturbances.

The blue and gold colour is Harley’s favourite thing. A mix of Peter and Tony’s suits.

Then, he hears Tony’s thrusters outside and quickly packs up his work and heads to Tony’s landing point.

Tony’s carrying an injured Peter. Harley tries to hide his flinch, but Peter’s situation is not surprising. The idiot had gone into battle the newest threat, some weird insects that make out of the sewers, with recently fixed ribs.

Harley clenches his fist at his side. He feels helpless, unable to take care of his best friend and it hurts more than he’s willing to admit.

Tony nods at him in passing before walking down to the med-bay, to take care of Peter. Harley takes a few deep breaths and follows the pair after a moment.

----x----

Peter is sleeping, having been dosed with a strong mix of specially manufactured sleeping pills.

Harley takes Tony to the lab.

“I’ve done something.”

Tony quirks an eyebrow in mirth, “Oh, what have you fucked up now?”

Harley shakes his head, “This is serious, Tony.”

He pulls up the schematics. Tony stares at them for a moment before asking softly, “Let me guess, you haven’t told Peter?”

Harley doesn’t answer, which is an answer in and of itself.

Tony pulls up different screens to look at the subtler parts of the suit.

“It’s for running interference?”

Harley nods, “Small, compact, fast. I can distract whatever’s running around long enough for Pete to get back on his feet.”

Tony nods, “So, you aren’t going to focus on the feelings that are making you do this?”

Harley looks away, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Tony huffs, “Alright, fine. I won’t tell Peter about this.”

---x----

Thankfully the new alerts they have come only after Peter has healed fully and had a few days of rest. Though close calls, Tony and Peter are able to get out of the situation with almost zero damage, Harley doesn’t go out to help them.

Then, a threat shows up, which is much worse than the worst Peter has tackled. Some sort of wizard magic voodoo cult that’s making buildings turn in on themselves.

Harley only waits for a moment after Tony and Peter have left, to suit up. He asks F.R.I.D.A.Y. to link him up to their comms and flies out.

The cultists send flattening waves of orange energy at whatever crosses their paths, making even humans look like characters from Minecraft.

Tony is tied up by a thick iron post on the corner of a crossing.

Tony tries to tie them up in his witty smart talk as Peter hides in the corner and webs up the different members who are standing a little further from the group.

Harley circles around the crossing where the cult leader is walking towards Tony calmly, his lack of emotion scares Harley more than his weird magic.

Peter yells into the comms, “Tony, there’s another suit here!”

Tony replies gruffly, between trying to distract the cult leader and break free of the iron post, “Yeah. Welcome the new avenger, kid.”

Peter has effectively neutralised all the other cultists. But he isn’t as discreet while trying to web up the leader.

The man turns around just as the web makes contact with his body. He grabs the web which is attached to his shoulder and pulls it clean off. The web has hardened by now and only Steve Rogers has been able to break out of the webs with his strength.

What the fuck kind of a man is this guy?

He emits a soft orange light and manipulates the web before Peter can let it go. Harley looks on in horror for a moment as the man uses the manipulated web to throw Peter into a wall.

Just as Peter gets thrown in the wall, Harley flies in and blasts a repulsor at the man. What happens next freaks Harley out.

The man keeps a hold on the web that’s holding Peter and turns his head around like an owl. He glares at Harley, who shoots repulsors at him, which bounce off a weird shield he puts up.

The man lets go of the web and turns to face Harley fully. Harley circles him, blasting repulsors at him, hoping to buy both Tony and Peter sometime.

But the man is quicker than Harley. He waves his hand around and makes sparks fly which throw Harley into the wall right next to Tony.

Harley only registers the fact that this new hole in the wall allows Tony to break free of the iron post.

Even keeping his eyes open hurts. Harley tries to get comfortable in the rubble best he can. The interface of the suit keeps flashing lights.

Almost everything in the suit is broken. Harley sighs sullenly. So much for helping Tony and Peter.

A thundering sound jolts Harley awake. When he’s aware enough to focus, Harley realises that the previously AWOL Thor is back.

The man starts throwing his hammer at the cult man, which actually starts to cause some damage.

Even though he’s failed, Harley breaths a sigh of relief. He’s about to close his eyes again when Peter crawls into his hole in the wall.

Peter asks softly, “Are you Harley?”

Harley groans internally. He couldn’t even make it one full day without being caught out.

He hopes that his voice interface is working well as he answers in the most confused voice he can manage, “No.”

Thankfully it works. Harley sounds more like a middle-aged suburban dad.

Peter shakes his head, “Nothing. Sorry, let’s get you out of here.”

Harley groans out loud then. God knows how many bones he’s just broken. This is beginning to feel like a comfortable place to spend the rest of his life.

Peter slowly helps him come out of the hole, carrying most of his body weight.

When they finally come out of the building’s side, the cult man is tied up in glowy magical ties and Thor is loudly and profusely apologising to Tony.

Peter softly asks him, “So, then what is your name?”

Harley doesn’t know how to answer that, but, unknowingly Thor comes to his rescue.

The god yells at him, “Oh, Tony you have a son! There now an Iron Lad. Congratulations Tony!”

Harley looks at Peter and replies with a fancy accent, “I’m Iron Lad, of course!”

Maybe it’s because of the mask, but Harley thinks that Peter doesn’t smile fully at his response.

---x---

When they reach the tower, F.R.I.D.A.Y. scans him from outside the suit. Harley tries to sell his need for a ‘secret-identity’ to them.

Peter nods shortly and walks out, giving an excuse about fixing his suit. Harley heaves a sigh of relief.

As soon as Peter is gone. Harley asks F.R.I.D.A.Y. to stop recording wherever he is till his suit is put away and to tell Peter that he’s sleeping in his room.

Then, Harley goes into the medbay,  which is thankfully empty. He doesn’t have any broken or cracked bones, just a lot of cuts and lacerations across his body.

When he had been thrown into the building, he’d gone into the glass wall first, which had cracked into tiny chips that had entered his suit.

Even though Harley’s muscles ache, he likes how well his suit held out.

Harley’s in the middle of cleaning out his cuts when the door to the medbay opens without any warning.

He hisses in pain and looks up. Thankfully it’s just Thor, but Harley doesn’t trust the man to keep his mouth shut.

Thor starts the conversation, “I know you wanted solitude, however, I wanted to congratulate you on how protective you are of your beloved and how well you took care of him.”

Harley rolls his eyes, “Yeah, if you call him dragging me around good protection; then sure, I gave him the best protection.”

As the words leave Harley’s mouth, he realises what he’s admitted to. Harley adds uselessly, “But he’s not my beloved or anything like that.”

Thor chortles, “As you would call it, this is a lmao moment.”

Harley cringes, “Never say that again.”

Thor’s laughter dies down. He doesn’t speak again till Harley’s putting away the bottles of anti-septics and the cotton.

Thor comments rather seriously, “I know you are under a lot of pressure, Starkson, be assured that if you decide to open up to me, I wouldn’t divulge those secrets ever.”

Harley wants to make a snarky comment about not being Tony’s kid, but he grabs the opportunity. Thoe is serious enough to not make fun of him or say I told you so, unlike all his friends and Tony.

So, he starts from the beginning. The day he met Peter at the penthouse when they’d come together to get Tony out of his lab and make him feel better.

Something almost like guilt passes over Thor’s face at the revelation, which Harley files away for right now.

He tells the god about how he knew at that moment that Peter was going to be someone special for him.

---x---

Even though he’s been ranting for what feels like hours, Thor doesn’t seem bored. Maybe boredom becomes different when you’ve lived a thousand years.

Harley sighs and continues, they’ve reached the end of the story anyway. Harley continues pacing the medbay, his back to the door.

“So, he climbs in, and asks me, in his softest, introducing-myself-to-strangers kind of voice, ‘Are you Harley?’. Ughhh, man, I hated that. How is he so quick? And I said ‘no’, you know, like a liar...”

When Harley looks up, it’s to see Thor surprised and apprehensive face. Harley rolls his eyes, the last thing he needed right now.

And his gut feeling is right. Peter is standing in the door of the medbay, eyes flashing in anger.

Thor gives some excuse that Harley doesn’t even register, before booking it out of the room.

Peter walks forward, “What the fuck is this?”

Harley cringes internally. Hearing Peter swear is always uncomfortable, because even Peter’s discomfort is visible on his face.

Harley ignores the dread in the pit of his stomach and snarks back, “What the fuck is what?”

Peter motions to his body, “This. The cuts. Don’t act like you didn’t just lie to me.”

Harley clenches his jaw, “So what if I did?”

Peter shakes his head in anger, “We don’t do that, Harley! We don’t lie to each other-”

Harley interrupts because he isn’t taking the blame for this shit, “Oh really then tell me, what is it that we do? Am I always supposed to wait for you at the tower while you fight some weirdo and get hurt in the most horrible ways?”

Peter sighs and runs his hand eyes his eyes, “Nobody’s asking you to stay here Harley...”

Harley yells in reply, now he’s on a track, “Oh really? Peter look me in the eye and tell me that if I’d have told you, you wouldn’t have tried to bully me out of it. I need to protect you, Peter. I need-”

Peter snaps, “Oh shut up. You need this and you need that. What about what I need from you, huh? I need to keep you safe, you doofus. You’re not some enhanced person. I can walk away from being thrown head-first into a building,” he points at Harley’s bruises and cuts, “You can’t.”

Harley rolls his eyes, “Why do you need to take care of me, Peter?”

Peters huffs, “Because I love you, okay? I don’t care about anyone other than you, Tony, May and our friends. I know it’s sudden and I know it sounds crazy, but I love you. Again I can’t be the one who gets my family into trouble or gets them hurt again, okay?”

Harley thinks his heart is about to beat straight out of his chest, “Y-You love me?”

Peter sighs, “Yeah, I know it’s awkward, you don’t need to let me down or anything like that.”

Harley asks softly, “But what if I don’t let you down?”

Peter replies with a confused question, “What?”

Harley huffs, “Why are you so sure that I’m going to let you down?”

Peter flounders through a response and Harley can’t take it anymore. He removes the space between them with two swift steps and pulls Peter into himself, giving the short brown-haired boy a soft kiss.

Peter kisses him back.

They only let go of each other when Harley starts to lose his breath. Peter smiles like an idiot, but Harley isn’t sure that he’s not doing the same thing.

After a moment, Harley asks him. “Does this mean you won’t crib about me being in the suit anymore?”

Peter shakes his head, “Oh? Was this cribbing? You don’t know what you’re in for next.”

Harley groans, but pulls the shorter boy into his side, “Okay, I’ll listen to your lecture, but after a good night’s sleep.”

Peter nods, “Alright, let’s go.”

The pair make their way up to the penthouse and flop onto Harley’s bed together, fast asleep as soon as they hit the bed.

[draculaspetbee]

Hello Amazing Followers!

Ok this is my second try at writing this (I tried to edit the tags and deleted the whole thing lol!) So, first, I want to put it out here that no one has asked me to do this. But I have recently gotten a lot of new followers to this blog, and I feel that I need to explain myself a bit. I want to explain why I sometimes need a pick-me-up, why I ask for people to send me nice things. Just so you know I am going to be going into a lot of personal detail, not everything I’ve ever went through but a lot, and I will be discussing depression, anxiety, PTSD, child abuse, panic attacks, threatening of animals and someone threatening suicide. Please take this as a trigger warning right from the top here. Also, if I miss any triggers please let me know, I am ALWAYS willing to add the tag and edit the post. If you want to ask me at all about any of what is here feel free to message me.

So, about four/five years ago I managed to break away from my first abuser. His name is Todd (I have a #toddtag on here for him even) and he is my biological father. He was extremely emotionally abusive to me and my family (my brother and mother). He used to make fun of me constantly, call me fat, tell me how much of a loser I was (I was in high school, in jazz band, marching band, honors society, scholar bowl, I worked two jobs, I was on the softball team, generally I did not want to be at home). He used to scream and yell at us if we did things he didn’t like, like cooking food the wrong way or washing the dishes in the dish washer instead of by hand. He would get worse when it came time to mow the lawn, to the point I would hid underneath the window so that he wouldn’t be able to see me if he looked into the house. He would make us sit at the table while he yelled at us for the wrong-doings we had done, like not fold his clothes. If we didn’t like the food we would sit at the table while he yelled at us until we ate it, to the point that my brother once threw up because of it. He made us eat whole cloves once when he made ham. To this day I still get nauseous if I hear a lawn mower or smell/taste cloves. When I was 13 he told me that I should dress more provocatively if I wanted to get a boyfriend. When I was gifted a dog when I was 13 he let me keep her until he got upset one day, and while I was at work he tried to give her away. He once took my mother’s dog outside to kill her because she had taken chicken from my brother. (BOTH DOGS MADE IT OUT WITH US OK, WE WERE ABLE TO SAVE THE DOGS) When he would leave for the night (he worked night shifts) he would make us stand in a line and hug him goodbye. He would make us hug him, even if he had been yelling at us seconds before. He would glare at us, until we would hug him and then he’d kiss our cheeks and leave without a word.

When I was younger we used to joke that he was a werewolf because he always used to get meaner after 30 days had passed. It wasn’t until later that I learned that it was the cycle of abuse that was playing out.

I grew up with this for 20 years. We left on Mother’s Day four years ago. He ranted and screamed. He told my brother (18 at the time) that it was his fault the family was falling apart. He told us he knew what God felt like being crucified on the cross. I thought he was going to kill us. That night we slept in my full size bed, me, my brother, my mother, and our two dogs. We slept facing the door because we didn’t know what he was going to do. He had access to weapons, I thought I was going to die. When we did left he harassed us constantly. He called, texted, Facebook messaged us. He had friends call and show up at the safe house we were at to tell us that he was going to kill himself and that it was my brother’s and I’s fault if he did. The first birthdays my brother and I had after we left he texted me on my brothers birthday. That’s right, 21 years and he still didn’t know my birth date.

When I was 20, months before this happened, I went to a therapist. I knew that I was depressed, but I assumed it was because I hadn’t been rehired for my summer job. My therapist told me that I was quote: “Reacting like a battered woman” (I was still identifying as a woman) and that I was in fact, being abused. This was such a shock for me, I assumed it was normal to grow up that way. I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD from the things I grew up dealing with.

The first year we left I was home alone on Christmas Day. Todd showed up and tried to get into the house. I managed to close and lock the doors before he could, and called my aunt. I hid in the hallway, away from all the doors and windows, and had a panic attack. My aunt finally showed up and he was gone. Ever since then I’ve been really nervous during this time of year.

Now this part is harder for me to type out. I love my mom. She was supposed to be the one parent I had that cared for me. The one that loved me unconditionally. The adult that would never hurt me. I love my mom. But I am finding now that what I thought of her is not true. She often backed up Todd in the things he did. She has called me fat for all of my life. She supported him when he took me outside once and had me hold a bag of 50 lb dog food and tell me that I needed to lose that weight (I was 14). She has had me on a diet since I was 12. Last summer she told me I was too fat to fit on an airplane. This is patently untrue. She has made fun of my panic attacks, even the ones she saw and heard over the phone. Recently she has begun to try to control my finances. She still will keep me from eating food, only allowing me one meal a day, trying to make me lose weight. I’m 25.

Two years ago around this time (near my birthday, which is January 17th if you’re interested in that in a post like this) I came out to her as non-binary. She cried for hours. She told me that God wouldn’t have made me that way. She asked if I was going to cut off my chest. She told me that she couldn’t “lose her baby girl”. After she was done crying she made me promise her I had been lying to her about it. I’m still living with her.

This year I’m graduating. I’m going to graduate under my preferred name, the one I’ve been secretly going by without her knowing. I’m going to be publishing my thesis under that name as well. I’m going to have to come out to her in under a month. In 25 days to be exact. Three days after my birthday. She’s going to react in two possible ways. She will either refuse to call me by my name or pronouns (if this happens I don’t want to have to live here anymore) or she will kick me out. Either way I will no longer be living in the house that I have called my safe space since leaving Todd. 

Now at this point you’re probably asking “Denver, why are you spilling your guts on tumblr? Well, first, I do know I can be a lot to handle. I can be awkward, and a bit weird. But I also know that here I can be myself. Second, I usually would call my friend, but she’s with her family now and they’re similar to mine, and she can’t call while she’s with them. And she’s like 90% of my impulse control.

Third, and most importantly, I want people who are out there to know that it’s going to be ok. If I can get out of Todd’s house then I can do anything, and so can you. It’s not going to be easy. My brain still will tell me it’s my fault, and that I deserved the abuse. But you have to know that it’s going to get better. It’s tough. Planning and packing for a move that my family doesn’t even know about has got to be the toughest thing I’ve ever done. But I’m tired of living for other people. I can and will be myself. I cannot live for anyone else. I will be me. If anyone else is experiencing this, I’m here. I see you. If you need to talk, message me. It’s going to be ok.