#I’ve fought so damn hard to become me

[grumpycakes]

Anybody else been having the weird experience of realizing that you will die eventually and you will never know if we make it out of climate disaster? If we actually do space travel? If the world falls apart?

You realize that. That you’ll never see the year 2424. That your existence is so insignificant and you will never know the ending.

That you will have an ending and you have no idea what’s happening after. To humanity/earth. But also to you and your tiny little consciousness.

That there’s a time where you’ll cease to exist.

And then you can feel your teeth and taste metal and have to actively not let yourself hyperventilate?

CAUSE IVE BEEN HAVING THOSE FUN MOMENTS ABOUT 3-5 TIMES A WEEK. AND I FEEL LIKE IM LOSING MY MIND.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 40 Once there was a way to get back home

Chapter 40 of Sugar

A/N- :)

Warning- Swearing, ANGST, fluff!!, violence and blood, Sukuna, flashback, SPOILERS!!!! long chapter!

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode and or chapters- Chapter 257-258

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

Damn stupid fucker. He almost ate your damn leg!

Fuck, fuck!

The pain is so unbearable. Not even labor hurt this damn bad! No pain you’ve ever suffered has hurt this bad, damn, damn!

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Choso tries a multiple time to distract you from the pain you so obviously express on your face no matter how hard you try to hide it.

“I can’t,” you whine. “It hurts. It hurts too bad.”

Choso draws out a deep breath to try and ignore his own pain before trying to calm you down while you heal since you don't have his healing speed. “You did great, you know that? When you fought Sukuna all by yourself, you did amazing.”

You grab your leg and blink repeatedly before watching him through tears, not knowing how to react or what to say.

“I…was in between trying to get to you and watching the fight so I wouldn’t miss anything, but what I did see was amazing, and you used the hand motion for piercing blood.” He mentions with his cheeks blazing red.

You laugh between the throbbing pain and nod. “I can be a good student when my teacher is hot.”

Choso scoffs and looks at the ground timidly. Silence passes and the pain has become less since a few seconds ago, but it doesn't pass fast enough, so you envy your husband's ability to heal so fast—You can’t even focus on Yuji and Sukuna fighting.

“You didn’t listen to me,” Choso brings up as he seems to be rummaging through his pocket. “I told you not to use your technique so you could use less cursed energy. After all, it's not infinite. You’re not like me.”

You swallow thickly, and your guilt manages to steal your attention away from your pain. Yet just as you’re about to apologize he pulls something out and surprises you. “Thank you. I was being selfish in hopes that would keep you safer, but now I know that I would’ve just killed you if you listened to me.”

You snap your eyes to look at him tenderly, but still with guilt. Even though if you asked him the same thing he wouldn’t listen either.

“Here,” Choso goes on before you can interject and leans over to grab your hand and unfurl your fingers to place the red and orange glass swan on your palm.

You remember giving it to him so he could keep it safe until you reunited, but seeing such a meaningful little swan back on your palm pulls at your heartstrings and makes you hopeful.

Someway, somehow. Even if the fight isn’t over yet, you take it as a sign of hope, and that maybe you will be able to go back home together.

You want to go home. With him.

“Choso,” you mewl, making him blink and look at you softly as he waits for what you have to say in that honey-dripping voice.

“I want to go home,” you say so quietly that he almost misses the gentle plea behind your words, but he does catch it. He sees it too in your sweet fire-kissed eyes, and it aches his soul.

So sweet you were. So vulnerable in such chaos that he once again asks himself why you ever chose him.

“Soon,” is all he can offer your pleading soul. “Soon my love. We’ll go live by a beach. Just like you want. We’ll get sheep because they’re quiet.”

You laugh softly and smile because he remembers. Even if moments ago he sounded like he was making sure to say his goodbyes and that got you furious, now, you smile over a small detail that recalls not so long ago but feels like centuries ago; even if you know that he would die today if the need arose.

“Somewhere far from Japan. I don’t want Yuji, Satori, or our twins to grow up here anymore. We’ll go someplace far. Someplace beautiful, hm? That’s all I’ve been thinking about since we got married.”

There’s nothing here for you anymore. There was only Satoru before, but he’s gone now. And Nanako and Mimiko weren’t able to be buried, and Suguru? Well, you have plans for how to put his body to rest. There’s only Shoko left, but she’s suffered too if she wants she could come with you. What’s holding her here?

Nothing is holding you back anymore so you’ll be more than happy to leave.

“I’ll love that,” you agree to Choso’s plan wholeheartedly.

Choso sighs in relief even if he should know better, and leans over to wrap you in an embrace, bringing you so much comfort in such disarray that you nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck just before he has to break this moment apart.

“It doesn’t hurt now does it?” He asks against your neck before pressing a gentle kiss on the flesh of your neck, causing you to smile giddily at the tickle of his wet lips against your warm flesh.

“No,” you point out to yourself. “You distracted me and took the pain away. You’re good at that.”

You feel his lips tug to a smile on your neck and can’t help the shivers that go down your spine.

“I’ve had practice,” he says kind of smugly.

“Other girls?” You tease.

Choso doesn’t get you're only pulling his leg and quickly counters. “No, my brothers. I used to try and distract my brothers from all the bad we felt when we were trapped.”

You hum and caress his back at the mention, making him stay pressed against you for just a bit longer to let your comfort sink in and cherish the fact that you’re alive.

When you pull away you’re only faced with the dreadful truth that you can’t escape in the comfort of each other's arms a moment longer. There’s others relying on you.

They need you now…

——

*NOT SO LONG AGO*

“Those who wanna fight need either the reverse cursed technique or anti-domain tactics,” Hakari mentions, but isn’t that obvious?

“That’s a no-go for me,” Maki says, making you slowly look at her with slight annoyance because obviously, Hakari was not referring to her.

“I wasn’t talking about you,” he grimaces.

“I believe Yuji and I will manage with reverse cursed technique,” Choso now drifts the subject to him to avoid any tension.

“Huh? Me?”

You sigh and share a knowing look with Shoko.

Choso steals your attention back to him as he says your name before going on to name three others. “Ieiri, Hakari, Okkotsu. I’ve always wondered, how is it you compensate for your lost blood when regenerating?”

“Dunno, I’m total autopilot,” Hakari answers his question, letting Okkotsu follow with more disappointing answers.

“I go off instinct too.”

Why did he even ask them either way? You’ve told Choso how Okkotsu got his technique and all that, and you told him about how difficult it is to really pass on knowledge to Hakari because he’s more of a visual learner. Plus! You told him about you too!

Then again he just wants Itadori to listen to your way of using RCT, which thankfully is a lot more informative.

“I learned to turn my cursed energy to blood,” you share smugly since you’re the only one who answered with actual information. “That’s the whole jist really. It’s like filtering out dirty water and turning it clean, y’know?”

“Yes!” Kirara exclaims, making you frown at them.

“Do you really?” You press and they part their lips but frown and shake their head.

You scoff in amusement and drift your gaze to Shoko beside you as she speaks up to add information to your response.

“There are tons of people who can use the Reverse Cursed Technique but can’t heal others. One reason is the fundamental difference in use. Another, the body of the target refusing the treatment. There are cases where the cursed energy of the one healing rejects the process, and cases where the cursed energy of the one being healed doesn’t respond to the conversion. That’s why the efficacy of my treatment is often case-by-case.”

Choso nods and glances at his brother before pointing at him and interjecting. “That’s what I thought. My body allows me to convert cursed energy into blood. If Yuji absorbs our brothers, he should gain a body capable of that, alongside some cursed technique.”

When he first told you about his plan to let Yuji absorb their brothers you thought he’d not end up going through with it just because he’s so attached to his brothers, but as you listen to him now there’s no ounce of hesitation in his voice. He really means to go through with his plan for his brother.

You don’t think you’d be able to do it. You would have already given them bodies if you were in Choso’s shoes.

You’re glad he’s not like you.

“That’s not all,” Choso adds as he props one hand on his hip before continuing. “Our bodies allow us to compensate for the technical aspects of the technique. That means the main limiting factor behind RCT, its immense cursed energy expense, doesn't apply to us…or so I think.”

You hum in comprehension and start to stroke your chin before adding your piece of mind. “Which is to say the hurdle for you two learning it is much lower than it is for everyone else.”

Choso offers you an agreeing nod and a sweet praise. “Exactly sweetheart.”

You flash him a giddy smile and catch Shoko’s disgusted look after witnessing such a sappy interaction, which gives a clear given as to why she and Satoru are such good friends.

Tsk.

“That’s why I’d like switch training to be done once with someone who can use RCT,” Choso mentions forgetting he hasn’t talked to his brother about it yet, he’s only conversed with you, Mei-Mei, and her brother. It’s why Itadori is so confused.

“Switch training?”

You nod and part your lips to explain in simple terms, but Kirara interrupts you. “What about our master? She’s taught us a lot and I’m sure she can help Itadori a whole bunch.”

“Yeah and why did your beloved teacher learn such a technique?” Shoko butts in making your smile droop back down.

“Spite,” you grumble. “But I didn't use it to learn to be strong or control my cursed energy flow,” you point out.

“It doesn’t matter, as a regular mentor you’re great, but I’m not sure you’re the right candidate.”

You pout and cross your arms over your chest before remarking. “Who then? Satoru? Ha!”

Shoko shakes her head. “No. Not him, Kusakabe maybe?”

“What is switch training?!” Yuji blurts because his question wasn’t actually answered.

Albeit even then no one answers him, instead you all walk away to join the others.

“I’d be a perfect candidate,” you grumble under your breath.

Hands fall on your shoulders, and a soft breath unfurls behind your ear, making you giggle.

“I bet you would be,” Choso proves your assumption right, it is him. Who else would grab you this way and press himself so close as if trying to share the breath you inhale.

“I would,” you quickly retort. “I meditate all the time. All the time. I have a great handle on my cursed energy flow, I’m in tune with my technique and everything that has to do with all your brother needs to know.”

Choso presses a kiss on the back of your ear, causing your lips to lose their battle and pull to a happy smile.

“Perhaps it’s okay to let someone else take control of this, hm? Besides you’re a woman, you need your privacy.”

You blink and slowly churn your head back to look at him with a quirked brown. “What?” You deadpan.

Choso doesn’t find a fault in that, and you can’t blame it on his cluelessness because he really isn’t, he just really believes what he says. So you can’t help but laugh.

Choso’s eyebrows slowly pinch together in confusion, but you just leave him wondering as you press a kiss on the side of his lips before walking into a different room to speak with the others about the same stuff basically. But this time Itadori finally gets his explanation.

Does he understand it though? He doesn’t seem to inherit his fathers—Mothers? And Choso’s genius.

“I see.”

“We’ve thought of the soul and body as two separate entities. If the body is the box, the soul is its contents.” Ui-Ui continues explaining in rather simple terms that anyone should understand.

“I see. I see.”

Does Itadori really see though?

“Think of that box as a person's birthday present. We can’t swipe the box’s contents of our own accord.”

“Hm.”

Oh jeez.

“Please just let him finish explaining,” you interject gently but with impatience just under the surface.

Itadori looks over at you and offers you an apologetic look before focusing back at Ui-Ui.

You sigh and Choso’s arm draped around your neck loosens so he can caress your shoulder with his hand as you both listen pressed against each other.

“However, if we have the permission of the individual, the box’s content can be taken. Which is to say, I’m able to swap the souls of two marked individuals.”

“Gwuh?!” Itadori exclaims making Ui-Ui’s eye twitch.

“What's up?” The boy finally addresses Itadori’s confusion.

“That just reminds me of the body-and-soul altering abilities of the cursed spirit I fought, Mahito,” Yuji let his sudden thought come out. “Won’t the shape of that person's body and soul be stretched if they’re swapped?”

Ui-Ui smirks and bats his lashes before assuring Itadori. “There’s no need to worry. I can swap the contents without opening the boxes. No one can tell whether or not the contents of an unopened box have been tampered with, wouldn't you say?”

“Depends how good someone is at hiding their evidence,” you remark, making the boy seeth underneath his nonchalant facade.

“Itadori,” Kusakabe interjects. “The speed of your growth as a sorcerer has been tremendous. Do you know why that is?”

“What?” Itadori clears his throat and seems to grow smug, but you don’t understand why it is.

“Erm perhaps my innate talen—“

“It was Sukuna,” Kusakabe cuts him off before he can get the wrong thing, and you can’t help but snicker, causing Choso to dart his eyes to you and press a warning look.

“It's only light teasing,” you defend yourself to your boyfriend.

Choso holds the corner of your gaze and you hum to let it be known you mean no ill will.

“Sukuna created his technique in your body,” Kusakabe continues to explain. “Which means your body remembers using extreme special-grade Jujutsu. You can thank him for your exceptionally quick understanding and growth.”

You look over at Itadori and notice that his lightheartedness turned rígid at the mention of someone so cruel.

“We’ll be doing the same practice with switch training. You’ll swap with me first. I’ll hammer into your body my cursed energy manipulation and foundational barrier technique, the simple domain.”

“Hm,” Hakari cuts in. “Isn't there a binding vow preventing simple domain from being taught to outsiders of the new shadow school?” He asks, making you finally wonder the same thing.

“Not to worry,” Mei-Mei quickly offers a solution. “I’ve taken care of that.” She smiles like never before, or like when she’s up to no good.

“Why are you so happy?” You can’t help but point out.

But Ui-Ui instead helps her avoid answering by adding something else himself. “In a single month, the limit for swapping souls is twice per one person. Please consider your pairings wisely.”

Maybe Shoko is right, maybe you’re not right to swap with, but why can’t you be the one to help Itadori? You have an innate desire to please Choso by helping his brother. So why?

Surely he’d benefit from all your abilities. You’ve worked hard to find balance, to be strong, and to be a master of your technique and the techniques that have been used for years.

Is it your vanity perhaps?

It can’t possibly be a fear for swaying his views, Sukuna lived in him, if he was going to turn evil he would’ve already.

Plus It’s not the world you hate as a whole. So why?

And why are you really thinking so hard about it? Is it because Choso would leave you over an opinion his brothers would have about you?

Maybe not. It’d hurt your ego, but again, you stand proud over your views of non-sorcerers.

But…you still want Choso to keep loving you…

But it’s not that really. It’s more…that deep trauma of your family not thinking you’re good enough scarred over your heart that’s poisoning your mind.

Shoko didn’t mean it, you know that, you just need to get over—

Your thoughts come to a sudden halt when you spot two little girls; one with brown hair and the other blond, one holding a stuffed bunny and the other holding her hand.

You stiffen and all you can see is them…Nanako and Mimiko. There’s no room for haunting traumas only ghosts that you believe are flesh and bone and yours.

A smile creeps on your lips and your eyes twinkle with blissful joy.

You take a step towards the center of the park where the twins are and part your lips to call out for them, but then their mother goes to them and the illusion breaks and you’re left alone in the breeze like a blowing tumbleweed, alone and cold.

But isn’t it funny? It hasn’t been long at all that they passed and it feels like decades ago sometimes, but when you really think about it, your grief feels like it’s barely tearing your heart apart.

Now imagine when it’s all over. When Sukuna and Kenjaku are dead when you have nothing to fight. How will your grief feel in the silence?

You sigh deeply and step back before dropping your head and slowly pulling your hand out of your coat pocket. With the twins in mind, with the ache to have them close, you use your technique as you wait for Choso and pull water droplets from the air around you to summon them on your palm and create a bunny out of water, like when you made the twins a water-made bunny for them when you first met them.

They’re not here now to see it or ignore you because they were too old for water bunnies, but when you make it out of your technique it makes you feel close to them.

However, soon your name is called so you drop the water and turn to see your boyfriend approaching you with a plastic bag in his hand and a flower in his other hand.

“Finally!” You exclaim and jog over to meet him halfway. “I thought you got lost in the store.” You laugh and peek in the bag, finding what you wanted him to get you along with other things.

“Sorry,” he quickly sputters out. “I couldn’t find a perfect flower.”

You can’t tease him about him making you wait now. Ugh! What a man.

“For you,” he offers you tenderly but doesn’t hand you the perfect and delicate red rose, he instead leans over and tucks the flower behind your left ear.

You can’t help but giggle and grin the entire time until he pulls his phone out and steals a picture of you.

“You didn’t ask for a picture,” you finally taunt him, making his face grow rigid.

“Oh—”

“I'm joking,” you can’t hold it anymore and close the gap with a tender kiss. “Thank you.” You whisper against his mouth.

Choso leans in and takes a gentle kiss from you before he steps back and just admires you.

“I thought it’d look good with your white hair,” he shares his thought process before not being able to hold back his smile.

“You’re really cute,” you coo and brush some of his bangs away, making his eyes meet your gaze as he feels the trace of your nails on his skin.

“I,” he fumbles his words. “I also got you something you might like,” he says and looks down but lets his eyes flicker back to you briefly before pulling out a comic strip that was attached to some newspaper, and hands it to you to read.

Albeit you start to snicker before you can even read it.

“Why—“ you snort and clear your throat. “Did the bunny eat the wedding ring?” You ask and meet Choso’s gaze with amusement.

“Why?” He plays along.

“Because he heard it was 18 carrots,” you say between laughs and stare into him as you wait for his reaction. “Get it?” You press.

Choso stares at you dumbfoundedly before his lips break into a soft smile and he laughs breathlessly and nods.

“Stupid,” he mutters.

You snort again and nod. “Very stupid…” you suddenly trail off as a sudden wave of emotions rams into you as your mind cruelly connects this innocent joke to what you were suffering through before he joined you, and it turns your happiness sour while stealing that laugh and leaving your mouth dry.

Choso notices right away because he’s standing so close and because he just pays attention to every detail of your face and the way it moves with every thought in your head. Yet he doesn’t comment on anything at that second, he waits to see if it was just some fleeting thing, but you then slowly look over your shoulder and your face contorts with this beautiful yet depressing agony.

When he follows your line of gaze he sees that you’re watching two little girls.

He calls out your name with worry laced in that deep voice, causing you to quickly snap your attention back to him. Before he can ask what’s wrong, you interject knowing what he was about to ask. “I'm sorry I couldn’t be enough to help your brother.”

Choso blinks in surprise and that emotion is clear on his knitted eyebrows and parted lips, but you add on softer.

“I’m strong yet I’m not enough to help.”

Your name is whispered out of his mouth and he shakes his head to argue against whatever guilt you’re carrying. “No, you have been helping enough. This swapping training doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders, you’re a master at being a sorcerer, but my love, this isn’t just your responsibility, okay?”

You swallow back thickly and from a broken part inside you, you bring yourself to ask, “you won’t hate me because I can’t be the one to help him? Does that change how strong I am?”

Choso’s heart sinks and he quickly grabs your face and counters back. “No, no. You’re helping Yuji and other students. You’re doing amazing at it too. Just because you couldn’t do this one task doesn’t change how strong you are or how much I love you.”

You draw in a shaky breath and nod in comprehension.

Choso hums and caresses your cheek before kissing your forehead and then pressing his forehead against yours, in that moment catching your eyes find those same little girls passing by hand in hand with their mother, and watching your heartbreak more through your eyes.

Before he can investigate deeply about what’s wrong, you step away from his grasp and sit on a bench with your head down. Choso mirrors your actions, but instead, he follows by reaching over and grabbing your hand.

At the soft touch you open your other palm and right away form a bunny made of water on your hand.

“I thought I saw Nanako and Mimiko, but then I realized it was only my mind playing tricks on me.”

Choso coos your name and pulls his hand out of your grasp to wrap it around your shoulders and pull you against his side so you can lean against him.

When you rest your head on his shoulder you continue to use your technique to have that same water-made bunny hop around like you would do when the twins were little girls and they wanted you to use your technique.

“Nanako and Mimiko liked bunnies,” you whisper with longing as you watch that water-made bunny born from your cursed technique hop around.

——

*NOW*

“He no longer holds Sukuna and look how strong he is,” you can’t help but praise Yuji as you watch him completely land his fourth Black flash at will!

That’s something Satoru couldn’t do, that’s something you can't do, but something Yuji seemed to have mastered against such a terrifying demon.

“But that doesn’t take away from the fact that he still needs help,” Choso says with worry laced in his deep voice.

You nod faintly. “I know.”

Choso pushes himself off the ground, and you quickly follow him up to protest. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to help him, distract Sukuna so Yuji can land more black flashes,” he says casually as if he isn’t still hurting from tanking Sukuna’s black flash not long ago.

“Go like—”

“Trust me, I’ll be careful,” he cuts you off and turns, but you grab his arm and turn him around.

“No, I’ll go, I’ve healed enough, my leg doesn’t hurt anymore. I still have energy to use my technique,” you quickly rebuttal and dig your fingers in his arm as just under your concern lies your selfish desire to not let him go back out, to beg him to stop fighting.

“You need energy to protect the twins, if you run out you’ll be vulnerable, I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened,” he confesses with that same selfish desire inside him too.

What else can you tell him that you haven’t told him already, what he didn’t promise to keep and continue burning, but what he also negated by discreetly saying that he would die to keep his brother and you safe.

There’s, please. Simple yet so meaningful.

Your eyes paint such a deep emotion, your lips part and your lungs gather air, but it doesn’t come out of your lips, not this time.

This time you don’t beg him. You have to trust him. Trust he’ll keep his promise and not be suicidal.

But you’ll join Yuji first since you have a stronger advantage.

“I won’t stop you, but first I’ll go out and help,” you offer a compromise.

Choso holds your gaze and doesn't agree but there’s no way around you so he sighs and grumbles. “Why must you always put up a fight?” He scoffs and reluctantly nods. “Fine. But first, let's wait for your opening.”

You both mirror a smirk on your faces and before you can miss any more of the fight you bring your phone up to continue watching the broadcast, seeing Ino back in the fight getting disarmed by Sukuna with too much ease.

However, before Ino could be killed by Sukuna, or by Nanami’s weapon that Ino was getting stolen, Yuji lands a fifth black flash on Sukuna. And the strike is so powerful he sends Sukuna flying out the window.

“Nice,” you whisper to Yuji and catch a proud look on Choso’s face too.

Your pride does almost shake when you see Sukuna find his footing on the ground right away and then snap down to destroy the ground just as Yuji is about to land to disrupt his balance and probably confuse him as he lands.

However, as Sukuna appears through the rubble and swings at Yuji, the boy manages to catch Sukuna’s arm and block any advantage the demon wanted to gain, before swiftly hurling him against a brick wall.

Sukuna slashes Yuji’s face multiple times, but the boy is completely unfazed, even if they cut deep and bleed. You grow deeply worried but Yuji doesn’t even flinch, he reels his fist back with a grimace and hits Sukuna with a sixth black flash.

Which is truly amazing!

This time though, Sukuna manages to grab a part of Yuji’s face and cuts his eyes deep.

“Yuji,” Choso cries out under his breath and looks out preparing to set off, but you grab his arm first to pull him back.

“Not yet,” you tell him. “You’ll go after me. I won’t need to tell you when you’ll know when you see.”

Choso hesitates but he trusts your plan and lingers with you, letting you both barely manage to catch a seventh black flash landed by Yuji.

One which finally causes Sukuna to go off the rails. “You goddamned brat—”

Before he can finish sputtering out a storm of curses, Nanami's blade comes out of nowhere and slices Sukuna’s face.

The view then quickly changes and you’re surprised to see that it was Ino who threw it out of a broken window.

He looks terrible but because of what he did Yuji lands his eighth black flash. Eighth in a row.

That boy is truly gifted.

You almost want to wait to see if he could land more, but Sukuna will counter, and now that he’s bleeding heavily, and thrown across the building is your time to go.

“I’m going to get him from above,” you quickly sputter out to Choso as you shove your phone away.

Before he can stop you and before you can rush out you give him a peck on the lips first and then run out and join Yuji and Sukuna from above, appearing like a menacing shadow first, and then revealing your voice that booms as if it were some god coming down from above.

“You can’t get rid of me! I am no weak link!”

Sukuna’s eyes snap up and catch you descending like some divine angel with blazing eyes, veins on fire under your skin, pumping fire to the wild flames lit on your hands. He sees you still looking for a fight after all he’s done to you and grows insanely more irritated, especially because Yuji rushes at him from the ground like some untamed demon.

Yet he doesn’t falter, he prepares to block your blow, but rather than striking him to break your fall, you actually hit the ground with your fist ramming into the cement, and he grows amused by your “lack of know-how”.

Only seconds later though the ground combusts due to your technique of controlling the elements, and he succumbs to the pull, giving you a slight advantage, and giving him and Yuji an idea as to how Suguru Geto and you could destroy towns with such ease; it was your technique that gave the advantage, you and your ability to make the earth crumble, and your flames from hell.

This is why you were deemed a special-grade sorcerer right as your technique was shown to you, because you have the power to destroy the world just like your brother.

You’re death in the flesh. And you snapping down and slapping your hands on the ground to blast fire through the cracks in the rubble to try and burn Sukuna alive, proves it.

Yet Sukuna is a terror in his own right too, he fights off the flames from hell, and busts out of the rubble you trapped him under.

However, as unscathed as he is, the daze you cast on him is only worsened when Yuji jumps after him and rams his fist on his back, and manages another black flash, causing Sukuna to crash on a ledge on the floor above the one you’re on.

“Supreme art,” you proclaim with your head held high and your energy running lower, but your intent to kill this beast running rampant. “Hellspawn!”

Sukuna fixates his glare on Yuji and you staring daggers at him from below and parts his lips to probably say something born out of anger, but he’s interrupted by the distant sound of a booming roar from a beast that casts a large shadow over the vicinity.

However, Sukuna doesn’t look up at the approaching beast who’s ready to envelop him on fire, he crosses his fingers and proclaims smugly. “Domain expansion! Malevolent shrine.”

Your eyes peel back and you can’t help but gasp at the horror that slams into you at the sound of those words.

“But—” you try to argue but get interrupted by Yuji grabbing your hand and pulling you towards him to shield you with his body from the sudden explosion that sends strong waves of slashes and debris.

“New shadow style: Simple domain,” Yuji casts right away to try and counter Sukuna’s domain, but that won’t be enough. You know that from the bottom of your heart, the wild blasts of slashes run too strong and are set too sharp, so you push Yuji back as his domain is cracking and grab his arm to be able to shield him now by casting something else you have in your arsenal.

“Secret art; Falling Blossom emotion!” You bellow and manage to shield Yuji and you both from the crazy domain attacking you. The only thing on your mind now is Choso, he’s nearby and unaware of this secret art, and he can get gravely wounded.

The gusts made of slashes are so strong that they’re cutting through buildings that once stood tall. You can’t see that well because your eyesight is obscured by the thick cloud of debris, but you know everything around you is flattening. That’s how strong Sukuna’s domain is, so you almost give into your desire to find Choso to protect him too, but doing it will disrupt what protects you, leaving Yuji and you vulnerable, so even if it’s torturing you, you just hope Choso is bearing this storm like you are.

Nevertheless, Sukuna’s next words horrify you.

“Divine flames, open.”

The flames that destroyed Shibuya, he’s using them. Your secret art won’t withstand that…

But maybe you can think of something! Anything to bear through the storm!

You need to think of something to make it through his destructive fire and be able to meet up with Choso, to be able to go home to your daughter, Satori. You need to think of something! Anything!

However, through the deafening horror pumping through your blood, like some miracle you hear Choso crying out your name and the name of his brother.

“Choso,” you whisper in relief.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- I'm not ready. Are you?

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweirdorchest @natakina

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Interview with the Devil’s right hand

*Recording starts*

Interviewer: Is it alright if I record this?

Subject: Well you’ve already started so why bother asking me?

Interviewer: I’m sorry, it’s a force of habit.

Interviewer: I can turn it off and take written notes if you want.

Subject: Nah, recording is fine.

*Background noise of children playing*

Interviewer: May I ask why you chose such a public place for this interview?

Interviewer: It seems so out of place given your line of work.

Subject: Were you expecting it to be in some shady bar on the far side of town that holds all the ne’er-do-wells and vagabonds meet and scheme?

Interview: *sounds made of sentence starting and stopping*

Subject: Bars get boring after a while and I wanted some fresh air.

Subject: And what do you mean by “my line of work”?

Interviewer: Well, you know….being a hitman.

Subject: Been a while since I’ve been called that.

Subject: Personally I prefer mercenary.

Interviewer: Is there a difference?

Subject: I’m sure you’d be able to find any poor sod that’d give off a list of reasons and nuances, but at the end of the day we all just kill people for money.

Interview: I’ve heard that you have a preference for being called “The Devil’s Right Hand”.

Subject: I don’t actually.

Subject: But you do one job for a galactic dictator with a tad of genocide and the next thing you know you got a nickname.

Subject: You know how hard it is for people to just use my real name and not that cheesy nickname?

Interviewer: What is your real name anyway?

Subject: Francis O’Connell.

Francis: Never got your name by the way.

Interviewer: Mortica Preces.

Francis: Haven’t met a Peline since the resource wars on Nifelen II.

Mortica: You fought in the resource wars?

Francis: I did. I made myself a scarf from the all the sacred braids your people wore from the dead I left on the battlefield.

Francis: Was the only thing that kept me warm during those freezing nights.

Mortica: You scalped my people?

Francis: Only from the dead ones; I’m not entirely a monster.

Mortica: …..

Mortica: Do you realize the religious significance of our braids, and what it means to take them?

Francis: I did and I didn’t care.

Francis: You were my enemy and I was damn upset at your people’s attempts to end my life.

Francis: Thankfully the war ended and we can now meet here as friends.

Mortica: …….

Mortica: When you agreed to do this interview I had pictured this much differently.

Francis: I told you that I would give you my side of the story.

Mortica: You did.

Francis: Did you expect me to sugar coat it?

Francis: Make it like I was fighting for some noble cause and lost myself in the throngs of war to become the monster the universe now sees me as?

Francis: Well that’s just horseshit people tell others to make themselves out to be more sympathetic.

Mortica: So you don’t want sympathy?

Francis: What the fuck am I going to do with that?

Mortica: Then why did you fight in the resource wars?

Mortica: Why did you commit such acts of malice and cruelty upon my people?

Francis: Simple really.

Francis: Because I was paid to.

Mortica: That’s it?

Mortica: Because you were paid to?!

Mortica: You butchered thousands and helped rip a peaceful star system asunder because you WERE PAID TO?!?!

Francis: I was paid very well if that makes the difference for you.

Mortica: How can you sleep with yourself at night???

Francis: *pauses*

Francis: When I go to sleep at night I am greeted in my dreams by the faces of everyone I have ever killed in my line of work.

Francis: Not just from the resource wars, but from every conflict, murder, and killing I have ever committed.

Mortica: So that rumor is true for humans then?

Francis: Oh yeah; that bit is very much true.

Francis: Each dream is the same. I’m walking down a long hallway that stretches on far beyond the horizon, and lining each side like a decorative mask collection is the face of a person I’ve killed.

Francis: Some of them are screaming at me; shouting out their last words or begging for their lives as they weep.

Francis: Some have the bullet or knife wounds from their death fresh on their skin as the blood drips from them like a fountain.

Francis: Then there are the ones that don’t say anything and just stare at you as you walk by; their silence piercing me like a blade through butter.

Francis: It’s a bit impressive how no matter how far I keep walking I never see the same face twice. I would be walking for what seems like hours or days and yet each face is different.

Mortica: A fitting nightmare for one such as you.

Francis: Oh but I haven’t told you the best part yet.

Francis: Attached to each face is a tag, like the ones you see for clothing sold at department stores, and written on each tag is how much I was paid to kill them

Mortica: By the gods….

Francis: I’m not even sure how I remember that but I think it’s my subconscious trying to punish me for the life I’ve lived.

Francis: While I’m walking down the hallway I will stop every now and then and look at the tags and smile to myself at a job well done.

Mortica: I don’t think I can continue this interview?

Francis: Why?

Francis: Because you are just realizing why someone would be called “The Devil’s right hand”?

Francis: You need to grow up.

Mortica: Excuse me?!

Francis: I said you need to grow the fuck up.

Francis: I’ve read your puff pieces promoting military life and the benefits it brings to the enlisted.

Francis: I couldn’t help but notice you left out all the PTSD, the horrific injuries experienced on the battlefields, the emotional trauma of losing your comrades day after day and realize the only way to survive is to cut off any emotional attachment to your squad mates just to ensure that you have some sanity left by the end of the war.

Francis: Only to find out that even if you do somehow survive you find society no longer has a use for you so you are left to rot on some run down street corner begging for scraps.

Mortica: That may be what your people do with your soldiers, but we Peline’s know how to treat our returning veterans.

Francis: Oh do you?

Francis: Then please explain why one of them paid me to do this interview with you?

Mortica: Wh-what?

Francis: I doubt you ever spoke to one of your returning soldiers in your entire career, have you?

Francis: Too afraid to get the real details of military life in favor of keeping the status quo.

Francis: Much less than first grade Ensign Tublek Frent.

Mortica: Who?

Francis: Oh you know who he is.

Francis: He came to you after the resource wars, after losing an arm and a leg, and offered to give you the scoop of the century.

Francis: An in-depth look of how your military bungled the entire war and then cast aside returning soldiers.

Francis: But you didn’t meet him; oh no.

Francis: You reported him to military command, who then had him declared mentally insane and locked him away in some dark corner of your medical facilities.

Mortica: How do you know any of this?

Francis: See my government found out about Tublek and were very much interested in giving your government another black eye.

Francis: So they paid me to break him out of the medical facility and transported back to Terra for a live broadcast.

Francis: Job went easy enough and I was just about to hand him over when the old sod learned who I really was and slipped me a coin.

Francis: Can you guess what that coin was for?

Mortica: You would kill me for a single coin?

Francis: Having read your articles I would have killed you for the sheer pleasure of it, but a man such as myself needs to keep up appearances and the devil’s right hand doesn’t do jobs for free.

Mortica: We’re in a public place; not even you are so foolish to try killing me here.

Francis: On the contrary, it was the only way to make you feel safe and draw you out.

*Rustling sound and the click of a weapon being pulled out*

Mortica: This recording has been going live to my office. If you kill me everyone will know.

Francis: Eh, publicity is publicity these days.

*Cocks gun*

Francis: I wonder where your place on the wall will be?

Mortica: Wa-

*GUNSHOT*

*Screams of children in background and footsteps slowly walking away.*

[bcolfanfic]

everytime i listen to picture me better by weyes blood i can't help but think of young vets buck and bucky. my heart hurt everytime i think of those boys. you've written them so perfectly. <3

what are some songs you associate with either of them?

heyy sorry it took me so long to get to this (and everything else in my box)- it’s finals szn at my law school and my brain is gonna be at like- total capacity till next thursday at 5pm central time. buttttt. i am big music as a story mood setter person so lotsss of thoughts. gonna focus on young vets au here, but i can make another similar post for show canon if ppl like this? im biggg into oldies music so that would actually be fun to me!

disclaimer: re: the young vets au the “veterans” part of the story takes place starting in august 2021 after the us pulled out of afghanistan. If you see a song and think “but wait that didn't come out until this year so they couldn't listen to that in 2022/2023” simply work with me here and don’t think that <3 LOL.

bucky

biggg zach bryan person and i think in general really likes that specific niche of “new age” country music. gets *irritated* by the hardcore conservative military country music lmfao, those vets that go hard in the sand for songs like courtesy of the red white and blue? not his people. that song gives him hives. also a big fleetwood mac guy, just scratches an itch on his brain. likes florence + the machine too.

east side of sorrow - zach bryan

i lost friends in the august heat / at night it was God I'd always meet / i said, "Lord, won't you bring me home? / i've got women in the west i wanna hold

oklahoma smokeshow - zach bryan

there's so much whiskey in his coke it'll make her nose bend / but she swears that his love is a damn God send / she's known God since she was a child

el dorado - zach bryan

you used to say you'd settle down / but that kind girl from school in town /she was gone before you got back home

to El Dorado, hell if I know if you're still alive /there's a note in the glovebox in your drive / El Dorado, hell if they know the difference in a hero / and a man i wish was still by my side

burn, burn, burn - zach bryan

i wanna be a child climbin' trees somewhere / breathin' in the fresh outside air / before I knew this life was unkind

you should probably leave - chris stapleton

sun on your skin, 6 am /and i been watchin' you sleep / and honey, i'm so afraid you're gonna wake up and say / that you should probably leave

me against the mountain - ian munsick

it’s me against the mountain / most days the mountain wins / but i’ll meet you tonight my love or i’ll meet my end / either way an angel’s waitin when i fought this fight

painkillers - rainbow kitten surprise

living just comes with a bit of heartache / heartache comes with a bit of young faith / faith stays young till your heart get broken / hope grows up to become someday / i never hurt no one and no one will ever hurt me / i believe i believe i believe i believe

motorcycle - colter wall

well, i figure i'll buy me a motorcycle / wrap her pretty little frame around a telephone pole / ride her off a mountain like old arlo

physco - jack kittel

don't hand me johnny's pup, mama / 'cause i might squeeze him too tight / i'm having crazy dreams again, mama

go your own way - fleetwood mac

if i could / baby, i’d give you my world / open up / everything's waiting for you

third eye - florence + the machine

i'm the same / i'm the same / i'm trying to change

astrovan - mt. joy

he said son you're famous in heaven / maybe you're famous in heaven / maybe there is no heaven / maybe we're all along together now / but i don't wanna see those tears again / you know Jesus drives an astrovan

gold dust woman - fleetwood mac

take your silver spoon, dig your grave / heartless challenge / pick your path and i'll pray

all these things that i’ve done - the killers

i got soul / but i'm not a solider

between me and you - brandon flowers

the first time that i saw your face / time stood still / i found my place / now i'm watching it tear out of my arm

gale

listens to zach bryan for bucky but his country music niche is more on the tyler childers side of things. likes older music too bc it’s what his mom would play around the house and he finds it comforting. i think he likes pop music more than bucky does lol, bucky ribs him a lil about some of it but he finds it endearing. the taste they share the most i think is the fleetwood mac and the killers/brandon flowers stuff.

follow you to virgie - tyler childers

back when all us boys were tryin' / to make sense of all these string / i can see her in the corner / singing along to all our crazy dreams

coal - tyler childers

so sometimes, i imagine that I'm getting pretty close to hell / and in my darkest hour, i cry out to the Lord / he says, "keep on a-mining, boy, 'cause that's why you were born

nose on the grindstone - tyler childers

well daddy, i've been tryin', i just can't catch a break / there's too much in this world that i can't seem to shake / but i remember your words, lord, they bring me the chills / keep your nose on the grindstone and out of the pills

folsom prison blues - johnny cash

i bet there's rich folks eatin' from a fancy dinning car /they're prob'ly drinkin' coffee and smoking big cigars / well i know i had it comin' i know i can't be free / but those people keep a movin' and that's what tortures me

old rugged cross - alan jackson (i’ve made a woowoo post about this before/bucky being gale’s cross to carry but. in my mind he listens to this on the drive home when bucky’s in the hospital. has to pull over to cry a lil. sweet boy.)

to the old rugged cross i will ever be true / it's shame and reproach gladly bear

where we’ll never grow old - johnny cash

when our work here is done / and our life's crown is won / and out troubles and trials are o'er / all our sorrows will end / and our voices will blend / with the loved ones who've gone on before

(sittin on’) the dock of the bay - otis redding

sittin' here resting my bones / and this loneliness won't leave me alone / it's two thousand miles i roamed / just to make this dock my home

wouldn’t it be nice - the beach boys

oh we could be married / and then we'd be happy / woudn't it be nice?

the chain - fleetwood mac

listen to the wind blow, down comes the night / running in the shadows / damn your love / damn your lies

romeo and juliet - the killers

i can't do the talk like the talk on the TV / and i can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be / i can't do everything but i'd do anything for you / i can't do anything except be in love with you

xo - beyonce

in the darkest night hour (in the darkest night hour) / i'll search through the crowd (i'll search through the crowd) / your face is all that i see / i'll give you everything

if i ain't got you - alicia keys

said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing / if i ain't got you with me, baby

sweet escape - gwen stefani

come on let's bounce / counting on you to turn me around / instead of clowning around / let's look for some common ground

come on over baby - christina aguilera

now baby don't be shy / you better cross the line / i'm gonna love you right / all i want is you

the clock was tickin’ - brandon flowers

jackie flips the pages and she dreams little dreams / a cottage in the country built with real wood beams / there's a baby in the bedroom, he's starting to scream / she holds him though he probably won't remember it

[crowsource]

🐦‍⬛ 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 — quotes taken from ava reid's novel. some edits have been made to allow for rp purposes. feel free to adjust for pronouns/names/etc.

❝ It began as all things did: a girl on the shore, terrified and desirous. ❞

❝ The ephemerality of things is what gives them meaning. ❞

❝ They were both creatures of rage and salt and foam. Both could strip me to the bone. ❞

❝ I wanted nothing more than to tempt their wrath, because if I were brave enough, I might earn their love instead. ❞

❝ I was a treacherous, wrathful, wanting thing, just like he was. Just as he had always wanted me. ❞

❝ Although the tide pools had not shown me my face, I had been revealed. ❞

❝ It was fae-like trickery. There was no answer that wouldn’t damn me. ❞

❝ You’re so pretty. You really are. You’re the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. Do you know that? ❞

❝ We must discuss, then, the relationship between women and water. When men fall into the sea, they drown. When women meet the water, they transform. It becomes vital to ask: is this a meta-morphosis, or a homecoming? ❞

❝ I wanted to say I don’t believe you. ❞

❝ I wanted to say thank you. ❞

❝ I wanted to say tell me more about who I am because I don’t know anymore. ❞

❝ I could tell the whole story as if it had happened to someone else, and it would be completely painless. ❞

❝ The weight of a memory is one thing. You get very used to swimming with it dragging you down. Once it's loosed, you hardly know what to do with your body. You don't understand its lightness. ❞

❝ You don't have to take up a sword. Survival is bravery, too. ❞

❝ In the end I learned that the water was in me. It was a ghost that could not be exorcised. But a guest, even uninvited, must be attended to. ❞

❝ If you can learn to love that which despises you, you can dance on the shore and play in the waves again, like you did when you were young. ❞

❝ Anything can be taken from you, at any moment. Even the past isn't guaranteed. You can lose that too, slowly, like water eating away at stone. ❞

❝ It saved me in more ways than I can count. Because I knew no matter how afraid I felt, I wasn't truly alone. ❞

❝ Are there any ships on the horizon? Will they signal back to me? I never got the chance to know. ❞

❝ But stories were devious things, things with agendas. They could cheat and steal and lie to your face. They could crumble away under your feet. ❞

❝ I wish I had fought. ❞

❝ I know I beat him in the end, but for so many years all I could do was run and hide. I just sat there and let the water pour in around me. ❞

❝ I didn’t know that I could fight back. I didn’t know how to do anything but wait to drown. ❞

❝ Every wanting man has the same wound he can use to slip in. ❞

❝ I wanted you, too. For so long. It was terrible. ❞

❝ Sometimes I could barely eat—sorry, I know that sounds like the strangest thing. But for days I didn't feel hungry at all. I was... occupied. ❞

❝ You took away all the other wanting from me. ❞

❝ It was a beautiful house, but not a clever one. It was a house with no imagination. ❞

❝ Fear could make a believer of anybody. ❞

❝ Didn't all drownings begin with a harmless dribble of water? ❞

❝ There's very little worse than when our heroes fail us, is there? ❞

❝ Men just say whatever they want and everyone believes them. ❞

❝ Love transcends petty theological squabbles. ❞

❝ But if fairies and monsters were real, so were the women who defeated them. ❞

❝ It doesn't matter. I'm not afraid to care about you. ❞

❝ It's very hard to believe something when it feels like the whole world is trying to convince you otherwise. ❞

❝ You're not just one thing. Survival is something you do, not something you are. ❞

❝ You're brave and brilliant. You're the most real, full person I've ever met. ❞

❝ The sea is treacherous, but women are even more treacherous. ❞

❝ You don't see yourself very clearly. ❞

❝ Challenging me isn't pestering. I'm not always right. Sometimes I deserve to be challenged. And changing your mind isn't foolish. It just means you've learned something new. ❞

❝ Everyone changes their mind sometimes, as they should, or else they're just, I don't know, stubborn and ignorant. ❞

❝ Moving water is healthy; stagnant water is sickly. Tainted. ❞

❝ If you want to see what you are, look into the tide pools at dusk. Look into the sea. ❞

❝ I will love you to ruination. ❞

❝ You can die as easily of thirst as you can of drowning. ❞

❝ Love is a fire that cannot burn alone. ❞

❝ The better you know someone, the more terribly you could hurt them. ❞

❝ You don't have to love something in order to devote yourself to it. ❞

❝ A romance is a belief in the impossible: that anything ends happily. ❞

❝ If a story repeated itself so many times over, building itself up brick by brick, did it eventually become the truth? A house with no doors and no windows, offering no escape. ❞

❝ How terrible, to navigate the world without a story to comfort you. ❞

❝ That was the cruelest irony: the more you did to save yourself, the less you became a person worth saving. ❞

❝ I was a woman when it was convenient to blame me, and a girl when they wanted to use me. ❞

❝ I believe you. ❞

❝ Things are only beautiful because they don't last. Full moons, flowers at bloom. You. ❞

[blackwolfstabs]

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 18

LETTER

Sam wrote a letter to Tara before she left for 5 years.

the timeline for Scream V & Scream VI is messed up, so i'm considering the year by doing math from Sam's birth year: 1997. when she turned 18, it would've been 2015, even though Scream V took place in 2022, which would've had Sam be gone for 7 years instead of 5 but whatever.

May 19, 2015

My dearest Tara,

You know that I love you. I’ve loved you, ever since I first laid eyes on you. I was only 5 years-old when you were born, yet I remember every detail. It was the best moment of my life. It still is. I love you more than words on Earth can describe. 

But I’m so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I can’t help but feel that I have to leave.

Know that I tried very hard to stay. 

I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you over the years. I know I changed. Let’s just say that I grew up faster than I was supposed to. But it was never your fault, so don’t blame yourself, okay? I made a mistake that I shouldn’t have made. I knew better. Much better than to do what I did, but now I can’t take it back. I made the wrong choice, and I will be eternally damned because of it. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. Some things just aren’t meant to last forever. Dad wasn’t meant to last with Mom, and I’m not meant to last with you. But understand that my love for you will last, forevermore. 

Please do not cry or feel sad for me. It won’t hurt for too long. You’re growing up, which means my job as your big sister has come to an end. I think of all the days you’ve known, all the ways you’ve grown. Tara, I couldn’t not be more proud of you. The life I had as your big sister—holding you, reading to you, playing with you, teaching you, laughing with you, crying with you, I could go on and on—was worth all of my existence, and I would do it a thousand times over again, if only I could stay with you. I pray that you’re able to open your heart to another, who can take care of you as I have done and promise forever.

Thank you for the time we had together. I’ve never felt so loved, and no one in this world will ever love me more. Yes, we’re sisters. We fought and tattled on each other. We got on each other’s nerves and even resented each other, as siblings do without truly knowing what it is to hate or not want each other around. But you were my everything. You made me laugh, you made my cry, you made me strong, you made me weak. You made me feel like there was no one else in the world besides you and me. It was us against the world. Oh, how I wish that could have lasted longer.

I don’t want to live without you, so my heart is broken, but I’m able to smile, knowing you’ll be much better with me out of your life. Mom will be better. She won’t be angry anymore. It will bring her peace, and therefore, you will find peace as well. Smile that gorgeous smile, and live in the light. Please, promise me you’ll never lose that smile. It could light up all of the world, if given the chance. It’s too precious to be lost. Enjoy your friends, follow your dreams, and become anything and everything you want to be. You can do it, I know you can. You remember when you used to talk in 3rd person? I would have something and you would point to it and say “that’s Tara’s”. Go point to the world, baby girl. That’s Tara’s. Go change it. Go make it yours. The world is Tara’s, and I’m so honored to have been able to be a part of it.

Please, my love, please live. I beg you. Live for the life ahead of you. You are going to do so many amazing things, and I can only hope that when every one of those times come, somehow, I’ll know. 

I wish I could hold you one more time and tell you how much I love you. Your love has given me so much happiness and purpose. I can never thank you enough for that. My heart will always belong to you, no matter how far away I am, and if this world is truly beautiful, may you and I find each other in the next life. 

I will miss you with every beat of my heart. I love you, and I always will.

Live well. Stay safe. Be happy.

Goodbye.

— Sam

The teardrops that fell from her eyes dampened the paper, right next to where she signed her name. It was 5:30 AM. The whole house was dark and quiet. Sam folded the letter up and covered her mouth to muffle the sobs she couldn’t hold back as she left her room. She couldn’t bear looking at Tara’s bedroom door, when passing it in the hallway, the countless memories they’d spent in and out of there hitting her like lightning. 

She made it down the stairs and slipped it into Tara’s backpack that sat by the front door. 

This was it. Once she walked out that door, what was done was done. There was no going back.

And she did, squeezing the straps of her own backpack to keep herself from running back inside.

‘Don’t turn around. Don’t turn around.’

She played that mantra on repeat as she stalked the pre-dawn streets, alone. Where was she going? Anywhere she could get away from what lived inside of her. What she would spend forever trying to outrun…

She was going where no one would know the blood spilled behind her name.

The letter she’d just written haunted her, making her imagine all the different ways her baby sister might take it when she read it. All she could hope for was that she would understand. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe someday…

But what she never knew was that the letter would never make it to Tara’s eyes. In fact, she would never even know it had been written in the first place.

Christina found it minutes after Sam left.

And she ripped it up.

i cried for 30 minutes after writing this. seriously, i was sobbing, and i couldn't stop. Sam and Tara just run way too deep with me, i swear.

special thanks to "Happy/Sad" from The Addams Family, performed by Nathan Lane & kaelyngray on AO3.

All my best ♡ - parker

[makeitastrength]

Throughout season 4, I feel like there was a lot of confusion about Lucy’s character development (or lack thereof). It’s something I’ve been trying to make sense of, too. Initially, I thought maybe the writers just didn’t know what to do with her. And maybe that was the case. But now that we’re seeing her be a total badass in season 5, I’m wondering if maybe it wasn’t. What if Lucy’s seemingly random and sometimes out-of-character behaviors and her lack of professional progression throughout season 4 was intentional?

Between the barrel, the fallout with her parents, and the loss of Jackson, Lucy had a year from absolute hell. It’s completely understandable that she’d be struggling to come to terms with everything and to find her place in this world where she’s basically estranged from her parents and her best friend is dead. For as much as we know that Tim is closed off, Lucy is actually very much the same. Yes, she’s bubbly and friendly and empathetic and she likes to talk things out, but she doesn’t truly open up to just anyone. And she’d just lost one of the few people she felt comfortable opening up to.

I’ve always felt like part of the reason she fought so hard to be Tim’s aide was because he was the one remaining constant in her life and she really craved that security and feeling of safety. She needed someone she could talk to. She needed support. She needed a reminder of the more confident and capable woman she’s become. Once she was riding with him again, I think she was content to just cruise along in the comfort and familiarity, and to find little moments of joy wherever she could (making bets, teasing him, etc).

And then Chris happened, and although I don’t think she ever truly opened up to him, he certainly helped with the loneliness part (which is probably also why she was often too eager to forgive him for certain things). Between Chris and Tim, Lucy found some semblance of normalcy and happiness, and given how much upheaval she’s faced, I think she spent season 4 living within the confines of that stability. I think she wasn’t ready to challenge herself, professionally or personally.

Don’t get me wrong. Lucy deserves a promotion. She’s an absolute badass and a damn good cop, and I hope we see her move up by the end of this season. But she’s also always been a person who struggles to commit. (Which, by the way, makes sense for her character. When you grow up with parents who force you into a certain mold, it takes time to break out of that and figure out who you actually are and what you actually want to do with your life.) From what we know of her backstory, Lucy flailed around for a few years before finding this job she loves. And then after losing Jackson, she (justifiably) fell into the routine of riding with Tim, which didn’t really allow her to stretch her wings. Now that she’s riding solo - which has been so good for her - she’s having the chance to expand her skills and find her own path.

Along those lines, I actually don’t find it to be bad writing or out of character for her to be stepping into so many different roles in season 5 - not just UC, but also helping the feds, acting as watch commander for a day, teaching citizen’s academy, etc. Lucy has always had a diverse skill set and she’s a quick learner, and I think it’s great that she’s getting to try on all these hats and decide which will be the one she ultimately wants to pursue.

I also think the heartbreak of losing Jackson coupled with the stability provided by her friendship and working relationship with Tim is part of the reason Lucy was so afraid for them to become anything more than friends. There’s so much for her to lose if it doesn’t work out. I know I’m not the only one who was surprised that Tim was the one to push things forward, but in retrospect it makes so much sense. It had to be him. I think he was scared too. But what Tim has that Lucy doesn’t - because he’s been in love before and she hasn’t - is an understanding of how much they have to gain from being together, and that was enough to push him to take the leap. Because he knows they’re worth the risk.

Anyway. This is just my thought process. I’m interested to hear what anyone else thinks!

[elegantsplendour]

Song Aesthetic for my one shot Let the Games Begin

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

All the bloodshed, betrayals, all for the insatiable greed of the few.

As if it wasn’t my cunt of an uncle who pushed your wastrel brother on the throne!

I’ve fought for my family, hard, for a long time. This isn’t my fight anymore and I refuse to let you be in pawn in this game.

“American stories, fading before me, I see the high fives between the bad guys.”

“Cause nobody's gonna win, just thought you should know

And I'll never let you go, cause I know this is a fight

That someday we're gonna win.”

Horns

I pray for myself, to myself. I am a goddess and you are my willing servant.

“She gets everything she wants,

When she gets me alone

Like it's nothin'

She got two little horns

And they get me a little bit.”

Bubblegum Bitch

“You can drift away all you want, my viper,” he smiled deviously, “I will hunt you down to the end of the world.”

“But I also know you would do anything, absolutely anything to become the best for me again.”

“Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for.”

Lolita

Would you like a taste?

“Would you be mine? would you be my baby tonight?

Could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine

She bolted like a mice being chased by a ferocious cat. Did she intend to escape? Absolutely not. Her alluring laughter like a siren’s call to the dragon prince.

“I want to have fun and be in love with you

I know that I'm a mess with my long hair

And my suntan, short dress, bare feet.”

Gimme Gimme

You know, I’ve never imagined that I would lose my maidenhood bent over in a dark alley in Bravoos, let alone to you.

“Even when we're up against the wall

You've got me in a crazy position”

Off to the Races

Are you going to spank me?

“I'm sorry that I'm misbehaving

I'm your little harlot, starlet, Queen of Coney Island.”

She hated the silver haired prick. Always looking so damn perfect. Always keeping his annoying ass proper facade when he literally betrayed his family, faked his death, broke an alliance, kidnapped her across the Narrow Sea to own her, claim her, break her.

“My old man is a thief, and

I'm gonna stay and pray with him 'til the end.”

[moonydasaltychild]

The end of the green ninja

Chapter 9 Searching for artifacts

“I have picked up on the sons of Garmadon and they seem to be...raiding museums?” Pixel reported with a confused face about the organization’s actions especially since they were taking commands from Lloyd “Why in the world would he ask for them to do that?” Ronin questioned going to see the monitor on the surveillance footage of the gang “It appears he’s after something that can be found in museums.” Wu pointed his staff at what they were holding having Pixel zoom in on it though it was hard to figure out what it was “Come on we can’t just stand around trying to figure out what they’re stealing!” Kai instructed and ran out the other ninja following pursuit summoning their dragons to fly down to the city “What do you guys think they’re stealing?” Jay asked to kill time while they made their way “Probably a map to another damn serpentine it would make sense, he’s released them once and he’ll do it again.” Cole responded with an eye roll “Remember when we first met Lloyd?” Zane brought up while they were on the topic “Oh yeah when he came into the village demanding for candy.” Kai added and they chuckled a little before a pause, when they first met Lloyd he was just some kid wanting to be like his father and now he’s become exactly that.

Once arriving to where the gang was raiding a museum they all jumped down ready to fight landing on the ground to do spinjitzu knocking out any biker that was close to them “Yeah! Feels nice to fight people you can defeat.” Cole said which was true all their previous fights was against Lloyd whom they couldn’t defeat time and time again that the others couldn’t help but wonder, can they actually be able to defeat him? Meanwhile Harumi rushed up to Lloyd as he practiced honing his new Oni abilities “The ninja are starting to interfere with the plan, should I send backup to deal with them?” She kneeled before him while speaking, a hum could be heard as he considered this question “No need to do so I already got this.” He pulled out from his pocket a scroll that was brought back to him “Then why are we still retrieving the artifacts?” Was her next question “To throw the ninja off my trail. If I hide my true motive with a fake one they’ll be distracted with that one while we can work on ours without problem.” He explained and added that the fake motive was retrieving artifacts of a serpentine “Why a serpentine? And how can you be so sure that they’ll follow through it?” “Trust me I’ve been around them long enough to know how they think, I know it’ll work.”.

“He really is going to release another serpentine!” Jay gasped after they tied up the bikers and finished interrogating with them “I don’t know, that doesn’t really match up with everything Lloyd’s done right now.” Morro couldn’t agree with that answer it didn’t seem right, how could he turn himself Oni then just release serpentine? Obviously this felt like a trick “No way, this has to be it.” Kai disregard the comment “We should start tracking them down once they get a move on to the location.” Nya suggested though first they had to report their findings by going back to the monastery “Serpentine? That’s...odd.” Garmadon looked confused at what he was told and Morro agreed with him “It’s what we’re told so it has to be it.” Zane added, Morro was going to argue back but was interrupted by Kai going “We’ve known him longer than you have, we got this.” With that they all left Morro stayed behind.

“Are you not going with them?” Pixel asked since he didn’t join them “No. I’m going with what I think is really the plan.” He was about to leave when Garmadon placed a hand on his shoulder “I’ll join you, I feel that there is something more sinister behind this.” After that the two went off with their own plan. The ninja followed the bikers that were leading them away to a serpentine once arriving they fought off everyone until noticing something is off “Wait a minute. Isn’t this?-“ Kai was interrupted by a voice saying “The tomb where Pythor was imprisoned?” They all turned around to face a masked Mr E holding a monitor that displayed Lloyd on the screen “Why yes it is. I’m surprised you hadn’t noticed sooner.” He could tell they were all felt dumb for falling in his trap especially when someone told them against it “I thought that-“ “Thought that Mr E was dead? Well yes but I managed to repair them with a few modifications.” Lloyd interrupted Zane when they spoke regarding Mr E next he ordered the robot to attack them which it did during the fight the ninja didn’t realize they got pushed into the cave but when they did it was too late as before they got closed in they heard from Lloyd “I’ll see you soon. Maybe for the last time.”

[dottores]

AHHHHHHHH screamed and sobbed into my pillow when I came home to read the new chapter of Heliotropes. I fought every inner demon afterwards I’m not even gonna lie to you.

I’m the commenter from ao3 of the color purple, and I saw your response to my comment and cried even harder bro. I know it’s only been four chapters (and a segment data page!), but I’m already so attached. The ending of the new chapter hand me audibly going “no nO NOOO”. Arggggg darn you, your angsty ideas, and how well you execute them.

I’m so happy that I was right about how much Dottore has influenced her, even more than we had been originally lead to believe. However all your hints of future fights has me sweating in my seat, but excited nonetheless!! It’s interesting for me to think about how sneaky Ms. Purple must have become over the years. Being a good secret keeper and staying under the radar must be hard, and she’s definitely learned a thing or two, I’m sure.

Seeing how conflicted Ms. Purple is with her family is so interesting, especially since we already know that Dottore probably wouldn’t care for her family no matter how wonderful they are. I love him, but I fear he might take advantage of her distance from them by making it worse or manipulating the situation. She cares for them, and you can’t just stop loving someone, even if they hurt you again and again. This is something I doubt Dottore would be able to understand, since emotions aren’t something he can typically rationalize.

ALSO IM SO HLAD YOU DIDNT MAKE MS. PURPLE A COOKIE CUTTER THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I’m so happy you’ve become invested in this fic, as I can see just how much it’s helping you explore both yourself and your talents.

When I went back to reread The Color Purple again, I realized how close Delta and Iota must be to her. On top of that, Dottore had already threatened to send Theata to work with Delta. I was thinking about how funny that was, as those three would be the most problematic for Dottore if they found his (their? Technically) soulmate first.

Also I already suspected Brighella of something bad, BUT NOW IM THOROUGHLY CONVINCED HES THE SPY. Which would be so SO bad for arlecchino since she brought him in (yikes).

All of this is making me wonder about possibilities and routes. I’m curious to find out what Ms. Purple will do to earn Dottore’s respect, because even if he does care about her as she’s his soulmate, that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t really want her there. The plot thickens.

NO WORRIES ABOUT THE COMMENT BTW!! I’m surprised you even responded, it really made my day <33 Your work inspires me, and I’ll never shut up about how great you are in expressing exactly what the characters are feeling or doing without losing the audience’s focus. I’ve yet to read any of your stories and feel uninterested, even on characters I don’t particularly care for. Thank you so much for your time and efforts, I promise you me and hundreds of others are always thrilled to see that you’ve updated.

Best of luck on your future works!!

STOPPPPP YOURE THE AO3 COMMENTER ????? I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHAT YOUR COMMENT STRAIGHT UP MADE ME CRY SEVERAL TIMES IT WAS THE SWEETEST THING EVER. YOURE SO BELOVED TO ME, LET ME SMOOCH YOUR FOREHEAD SOBSSSS

ok hehe rest below the cut

GDJHSDHJSJDHSH i actually wasn’t going to end the chapter with that, bc i usually like leaving it at 4 scenes BUT I HAD THE IDEA AND COULDNT LET IT SLIP BY HAHAHAHHA it would be just his luck to get THAT as his word right after all that LMAOOO and yk damn well he’s gonna take it the wrong way

🤭🤭🤭 the sneakiness and having to hide it is something else that it’s gonna be explored more in chapter 5 & 6. i just planned chapter 5 and i’m gonna start writing it friday i’m rlly excited for it, i think it’s the chapter i’m most excited for thus far.

the conflict between her and dottore when it comes to family is gonna be a BIG ONE, djsjdjjsjd i actually literally changed the whole original fic at chapter 2 to center around this conflict. without too much spoilers, i got the idea from the tik tok audio that goes “if i betray you, i betray myself. but if i betray them, i betray my country. my country is very dear to me.” “dearer than i?” “no, not dearer than you” HAHAHHAHA i’m rlly excited to get to that point too

DELTA AND IOTA WERE LITERALLY A TOWN OR TWO OVER FROM HER BEFORE SHE LEFT TO LIVE IN THE CITY. when iota finds out, he cries LMAO. if they had found her first, it would be the end of all things for dottore LMAOO he would be miserable 💀💀💀 the only thing that would’ve made it worse if gamma was there too. he hasn’t been introduced in the fic yet.

SOBS ILYSM 🥹🥹🥹🥹 that rlly might’ve been the sweetest thing anyone’s said to me i’m quite literally about to cry, i wish i could give you the biggest hug. i love asks and comments, theyve deadass been what’s pulled me out of writers block like dozens of times. i think i told you in the ao3 comment but ur comment there saved my ass like three times HAHAH. i showed my bf and i was like “if i ever start complaining about being stuck, send me this” and he DID and it worked like a charm every time LMAO. i always try to respond but sometimes it just takes me half an eternity because i’m swamped with work and drained SOBS. so i’m sorry if it ever feels like i’m not responding bc i promise i try to get to it at a decent time but i just get so overwhelmed and then i crash for a few days.

[kitsaystransrights]

Haven’t we fought long enough

It’s getting so hard to keep going, seeing the world become what it is for people like me.

I don’t even live anywhere that I’d be affected by most of these anti-trans laws, but knowing there are people out there suffering because of them makes me so damn sad.

Literal CHILDREN. That’s who these people are targeting. Kids who have their entire lives ahead of them. Whose biggest concern should be just learning how to live. And now, they have to worry about THE GOVERNMENT saying that they shouldn’t be allowed to exist. That they can’t dress or look the only way that makes them happy.

Lawmakers don’t see how this effects kids. I’ve worked at a summer camp the last few years. I’ve known a couple of trans campers. When they were allowed to be themselves, they were some of the most dedicated, loving, and JOYFUL members of our community. But when they were treated wrong? When they were afraid to be who they are? All that life, all that joy, was instantly sucked out of them. They became a shell of themselves. They couldn’t do anything because THEY DIDN’T HAVE THE ENERGY TO KEEP GOING.

These kids shouldn’t have to be afraid of their own governments. ADULTS shouldn’t have to fear their governments. And yet here we are, with a bunch of bigots thinking they know what’s best for everyone despite never having gone through the same stuff we have. All I can do is keep praying things will get better, that someone with the power to do so will step in and stop these people from ruining lives. And most of the time? Even just hoping is so hard to do.

[outpost51]

Happy WBW!

Tell me one of the details of your world building that makes you the most excited! What do you want to talk about the most?

Happy WBW!!!!

Well, I’ve talked about the vampire council — how about where the vampires came from?

When a mommy bat loves a daddy bat very much—

Just kidding, follow me!!

SO!! Vampires were Oopsied into existence by angels — “But Kobbl I thought angels were Life’s children!!” You are correct! But pobody’s nerfect in this world, not even the goddesses, they all live and love and fuck up and sometimes they do a bit of all three.

If you recall I’m being so pretentious asdfasds, there are four “levels” of fallen: parvia, mediocri, indigni, and nefasi. And as I’ve said before, only three angels have ever become nefasi, and only one has survived getting booted off the Edge (hard to fly when they’ve ripped off your wings): Phada, one of the vigilisi. She was patrolling the Veil when she came across what she thought was a half dead human woman being dragged through the Veil by imps — angels aren’t supposed to interfere with living humans, humans get burned or sick or worse, but it was Phada’s job to prevent Abominations from crossing the Veil, and a human dying on Their Side was a surefire way of making one, so they could… forgive this interference, right? Her mother is curatori, so she’s bound to have some of that healing in her, just enough to get the girl back on her feet so she can run.

Fun fucking fact. You know how when indigni (violent offenses, third “worst” fallen, subjective) are cast out, their wings are shredded and they’re left for dead at the border? They look pretty damn human when laying on their backs.

Fun fact numero second. Ever wonder what happens when a fallen drinks from an angel? BAD SHIT. BAD SHIT HAPPENS, PHADA.

Isri (the indigni in question) got her wings back! Oops!! And then went on a rampage! Double oops!! And then Miss Bleeding Heart, in an effort to fix her fuckup, went after her! Triple oops!! She’s not supposed to leave her fucking patrol!! She’s supposed to call the praesti!! So Isri has herself a fucking FEAST in a nearby village, and Phada — y’all know Phada, our “hero” — manages to behead her with a shovel stop her just in time to leave one (1) person mostly alive.

Fun fact letter 3. Remember how angels aren’t supposed to interfere with living humans? How they get burned or sick or worse? Yeah, this falls under “or worse”. So the girl — Josseline, if you’re wondering — “survives” her injuries thanks to Captain My-Mom-Is-Curatori and gets elevated to not-quite divinity, hovering somewhere between angels and Something Else.

Of course, being a good little cloudbaby, Phada went home and fessed up, hoping that admitting what had happened would—

Yeah, she got about halfway through “so the body was an indigni” when the Seven (imperatori, they’re the angel judges) were like:

… and dragged her kicking and screaming to the Edge. Her wings hang above the central seat in the hall of justice as an example — Altael (imperatori primus, that’s his chair her wings hang above) loves telling that story.

Phada survived her fall and vanished into the Wilds (the place where even Outlands residents refuse to go).

Josseline found herself a town to rule over, Tagnan, and unintentionally Turned the governor’s wife, Sophie; Josseline didn’t quite drain her all the way, because Sophie fought back and got Josseline’s blood in her mouth.

Friends, Romans, countrymen— that is our first bloodline. Sang-d’origine.

“But what about the other twelve bloodlines!!” Haaaaa about that.

See, angels are busy making New Shiny Souls and keeping the Holy Holding Tank and patrolling the Veil, someone has to deal with the Icky Nasty Corrupted Souls that get stuck on the humans’ side. Enter Death’s cleanup crew: demons. They eat the Icky Nasties. But angels got to make a new Thing!! What if we made a new thing also!! Well one of ‘em figured out the Vampire Formula and made the Phystrokhi — our first daywalkers. (Lightsiders, they call themselves).

The Fae are just greedy little shits. Some Unseelie asshole worked out the Vampire Formula and made the first Darksiders: the Shadow Watch. And if the Unseelie get something, the Seelie are petulant until they Also get that Thing. Enter the Midnight Descendants.

And shit spiraled from there!! There was a fucking vampire-werewolf war!! There are dhampires now!! This is why we can’t have anything nice!! PHADA.

[its-a-me-lia]

Sparks become a Flame

LA!BuggyXFem!OC

Part 4 of Darling why are you crying darling

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7

MDNI

Warnings: Cursing, violence

Lets-a go!

🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸

A storm had rolled over the sea, and the crew found themselves making sure the captain didn’t get hoisted out into the ocean. None of the crew knew how to swim, Buggy would’ve surely died. Ava had stayed near the captain until they had made it back to land. Deciding it was best they stayed off the waters until it was safe to get back. She didn’t want to be washed out by a rogue wave. 

When the shipped rocked too hard she held onto his hand tightly. He looked down at her and she up at him. It felt right, it felt too perfect. 

Once on land, Buggy had made his way to set up camp. The crew started a fire and hunted for food for them to eat. Ava had dug her toes into the hand. It felt weird being on land. She felt almost homesick. But that wasn’t her life anymore. Her life was at sea with Buggy and the Buggy Pirates. And she was one of them. 

Despite how the rest of the crew looked, Buggy made sure that she looked different from teh rest of them. She wasn’t a freak, or one of his supporting cast. She didn’t belong to him, she was normal . She wore a yellow dress and sandals. He loved the way the color looked on her skin. Her medium length brown hair tied up in two top knots, with little frills falling to the sides. She was so god damn beautiful. 

Ava had tilted her head and looked over, seeing a couple of kids fighting to get their boat docked. She made her way over and Buggy had followed her. He wasn’t being clingy or anything. He was just making sure she didn’t get lost or worse. His face lit up when he saw the kids he had ‘Captured’ and ‘tortured’ just a little bit. He used those words lightly because they kicked his ass. He wasn’t afraid to show it either. 

“Heya Strawhats!” He yelled over towards the kids. They stopped what they were doing and Ava looked at the clownman. 

“You know them?” She asked, raising a brow. How did this guy, know a bunch of kids? 

He shrugged. “We go way back, remember I told you, I had a change of heart? They’re the reason why.”

“BINGO!” Luffy waved his arm up in the air, the green haired guy looked annoyed, the blond was helping the girl, and there was a guy that was off to the side that was trying to get his slingshot ready for any dangers. Ava laughed a little, what a Motley crew of kids. 

“It’s Buggy. But I don’t expect you to remember that now.” He shook his head. 

She enjoyed the interactions he had with them. It was almost like he was a father figure or a weird Uncle. She was leaning more towards the uncle. The crew and Buggy hot gotten the ship docked, and joined their fire circle for food. 

She learned that they weren’t just ordinary kids. They were all unique in their own way. Luffy, had eaten a devil fruit as well, his was the GumGum fruit. He could stretch his body to maximum limits. The kids and Buggy rejoiced on old memories, talking tales of old. She liked this.It felt normal. Nami was the navigator, she could see the world no one else could, she wished she had her mind. Zoro was a great swordsmith, told stories on how he fought the warlord Mihawk and lived to tell the tale. Usopp had told tales upon tales. Of exaggerated adventures. She doubted they were true, but his crew cheered him on. Sanji, cooked for them. It was the greatest meal she had ever gotten to taste. He wanted to find the all blue and be the greatest chef. She didn’t doubt that. 

“Hey, you don’t look like a clown. Why are you with the Buggy Pirates?” Nami had spoken to her privately. Ava had lifted her head up and looked at her as if she was caught. “Are you okay? Has Buggy captured you?”

Ava shook her head. “No, no. He’s not like that. No, h-he..” She swallowed. “He rescued me. Saved me. I’ve been with him for close to 7 months now.”

Nami raised a brow. “So he’s not hurting you?”

“God no, that’s the last thing Buggy wants to do to me. In fact he wants to stop any force from trying to cause harm to me. I was in a bad place before he found me. He’s helped me overcome that little by little.” She said with a little smile. She looked over at Buggy who was animatedly telling a story or shouting at the stretchy kid who was eating too much. 

“Oh my god, you like him.” Nami covered her mouth. 

Ava panicked and shook her head. “No, no. Please. Oh god no.” She hid her face. She was red and tried to hide herself. 

“I mean you like who you like. He’s not bad looking.” 

She laughed, embarrassed that she had been caught. “It’s just, he’s been very nice, and generous to me. He let’s me be. Sits with me when he wants to get away from his crew. I sit with him in his room and brush his hair. Everything is mutual between us. It’s just that I'm not ready to move to the next step. I am terrified that I will let myself be happy, and it’ll be taken away from me.”

Nami understood, she knew what it was like to let her guard down and want things on her own. Being taken away from her. She sighs and nods. “Yeah, I get that. I get why you’re guarded. Hell, I used to not let anyone in or get to know me. I was a thief and a liar.”

“Me too.” She looked at her hands. “I know, we just met, but I do feel like I could trust you. I don’t really have much friends. Buggy is my only one.”

“Yeah, it took me a while to trust my boys. Now they’re the best friends I have ever had. They got my back, and I got theirs.”

Ava smiled, things turned silent. They enjoyed each other's company, until Buggy walked over. Nami looked at him and stood up. “I’m going to try to stop Luffy from getting into the carcass of the food.”

Leaving them alone, Buggy sat next to Ava and smiled. “She doesn’t like me much.”

“Well you did have them tied up and almost killed them.”

Buggy froze. “You don’t hate me, do you?”

“I don’t think I could if I tried. Buggy, you’re a good person. I know you are, it’s why I like you so much.” She reached over and grabbed his hand. Lacing their fingers together, he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. 

He leaned his head on hers and closed his eyes. “You are something else you know that right?”

“Yeah, something else.” 

Again, the quiet surrounded them. “Come let’s take a walk.” Buggy stood up. 

Following his lead Ava got up and walked side by side with him. Their hands brushing against each other, she bit her lip and linked her pinky with his. This was good, this was calm.

“When…” She stopped, and started thinking again. “Um..” Why was she nervous? She pulled her hand away and clutched her hands into fists. “Fuck why is it so hard to talk? I never have a problem talking to you.”

Buggy stopped walking and turned to look at her. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “It’s just me Ava, just me. You can say whatever you want.” 

She licked her lips and gripped her hands together and nodded. “You’re right. I’m just a little nervous, because I’ve been thinking about the night we spent in your room. I’ve been thinking a lot about you. You haven’t left my mind, I’m just trying to figure out if what i feel is real, or a false sense of hope. That everything is okay?”

Buggy took in a breath, relaxing a little bit. This was not what he thought she was going to say. “Oh? I’ve been plaguing your mind?” He teased her. 

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I. Whatever you feel Ava, is it in your heart? In your Mind?” He smiled. 

“My heart is pounding so fast right now, I am so scared you’re going to disappear. That this is a dream and I am going to wake up, be back home, and you never existed.” She shook her head, she can’t think like that, but she has to. She had to remind herself of what is real. The feeling of fear, and the fear of losing him. That was how she knew it was real. 

Buggy pulled her closer towards him, hugging her in a warm embrace. “I am as real as this is gonna be. You hear that?” Ava’s head was pressed against his chest. She felt and heard his heart beating in time with hers. They were in sync. Their hearts pounding, just as scared as the other. “God, I have never felt like this in such a long time.” 

The way his voice rumbled in his chest, almost as if she was inside of his chest cavity. She relaxed, she knew here that she wanted to bury herself deep inside of him and be with him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest. 

“I don’t ever want to lose you. I don’t want to leave you.” she looked up at him. 

He looked down at her and leaned in closer. “Then don’t.” His voice was barely a whisper. Their faces so close, she could feel his breath on her lips. 

“CAPTAIN!” A shout broke their trance and he looked up. Now he was pissed, and Ava was embarrassed. 

Over by the fireside, the Strawhats and the Buggy Pirates were all on their knees, hands behind their heads, guns pointed at them. These guys weren’t marines. Buggy had taken Ava along with him not leaving her alone with their new company. 

Ava froze. 

Fear. She felt so much fear. She knew that silhouette very well. She feared it, standing at the foot of her bed as she pretended to be asleep. Standing next to her door as he pretended to leave the room for the night, see if she was really asleep. She swallowed as she locked eyes with a man she thought she had gotten away from. 

“Hello Ava. Did you miss me?” Jeremy smiled. 

It was a sickening smile, she realized it was the smile she knew all along. But this time she realized, it had always been menacing. 

“It took me some time to find you. Did you know that I know everyone on these islands? I too have eyes and ears everywhere.” He dropped the smile and sucked on his teeth. “You know it's a shame that I have to kill these people. I’m sure they're great guys.” He walked over to her and gripped her face in his hands. 

She stayed still. 

“You get your fucking hands off her.” Buggy pushed the guy back. He was seeing red. 

“Now, now Captain. I can do what I want, when I want. To whoever I want.” He stared at the clown with disdain. “And Ava is mine. She will always be mine. Isn’t that right sweetheart?”

“Y-yes sir.” The fear was brought back into her. Her voice was barely a whisper. 

“What was that, I couldn’t hear you.” 

She didn’t cry. But she felt a sob racking at her chest. “Yes Sir.”

“Good, I see you still remember your place.” Jeremy gripped her arm and pulled her to him. “I won’t kill the extras but him.” He pointed to the clown. “You are going to watch as I please my fiancee.” 

All Buggy saw was red, he was so angry. Furious. He had never held such hatred for a human being until he met this guy. He didn’t know what was happening, he didn’t know why it was happening. But the look on Ava’s face was motivation enough to stop being a coward, and protect the woman he loves. 

Buggy smirked. “I would really love to see you try, dick”

He held up his arm, his hand missing from it. The man’s eyes grew in shock, where the fuck is this clowns hand. Jeremy felt a tap on his shoulder, then a punch to the back of his head, knocking him out. 

The other men who had traveled with Jeremy charged at the clown, leaving the others behind. Ava saw the strawhats stand up, these men were about to die. Luffy geared himself up, Zoro had his swords out to play. She didn’t see the others, everything had happened so fast. 

“You guys can take the rest of them. But don’t touch Jeremy. He’s Mine.” 

Ava had never seen Buggy look so menacing and dangerous. This was the feared sea captain everyone knew about. He looked crazy. She saw the fighting, and heard the sounds. Every single person was fighting for her defense, she had never had that happen before. She took another glance at Buggy, he was fighting for her honor. He was really protecting her. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

She was so in love.

🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼🌸🌼

WOW! this is my longest chapter yet! I got so lost in writing i had to find a good way to stop!

[marvalouslynerdish]

D&D prompt/thoughts/theory (this is copied from a comment)

its really hard to come with why there are not more dragons of other types (asides from the creators/writers of DND just not coming up with them; i would not say they're lazy for not trying but truth is it's hard to think/write/create this stuff) especially with all the expanded and obscure and inconsistent/never explained writings of the lore of dungeons and dragons; that it is probably indescribably hard to make any of it "canon". (sorry if this typing come off inconsistently or ranting.)

 but so far in my attempt to take a crack at this, i've been coming up with some different ideas just using what i know/have discovered or have come up with so far, though we call tiamat chromatic but maybe what she actually is; is prismatic. when it comes to tiamat lore; we only get so much information about her, we know her as the imprisoned in hell five-headed terror and we mostly assume she's always had five heads but what if she didn't; the ROT book classifies her as a gargantuan Fiend; Fiend? why not a dragon? or a dragon fiend? FTD gives us aspect of tiamat and she's classed as dragon but aspect, aspect is the word they use for defining her, meaning this is not the real tiamat. when it comes to bahamut he's described as the creator of the metallic dragons and is platinum scaled; meaning one, one color for him and he has no extra heads, tiamat is described as having five-heads with the body of a red dragon; since one idea is that bahamut is tiamats BROTHER why are they not very similar to each other?! since another idea is that dnd is a MAGICAL world that creatures/gods/monsters are born/created/shaped by the different worlds and environments; i think tiamat looks the way she does is because she has been changed by the environment of hell for living there for so long that she lost her true form!    

 so let's just try to go back way before tiamat was in hell, to a different time and place during and before the dawn of the "First World" and theorize this idea; that when tiamat was born her True form was that her scales were so indescribably colorful, bright etc. that when one sees her, her scales seemed as though you could see all the colors of the world through the reflections of the scales or that the scales had such a shine to them that if you walked around tiamat you could see her body in any/all the colors maybe even mixed, so what if the reason why we have only red, blue, black, white and green for her colors/form and the chromatic dragons is because after the first world was destroyed and tiamat was probably badly defeated/injured; that there was only a handful of her and bahamut creations that survived while the rest of them were destroyed! (and also maybe they didn't get that far with making orange, purple, pink, mercury, steel and Titanium dragons cause they were creating a world full of things and when the outsider gods came there was only what they made so far so maybe the 'First World" was an incomplete project so to speak) 

 so now that tiamat is in hell, her first work of creation is gone, Sardior is fucking dead, possibly has feelings like her brother betrayed her (i mean something had to have happened there and somewhere in between that made the Dragonfall Wars happen), she fought against impossible odds but lost and had the crap beaten out of her, hates the "gods" and their followers, wants revenge and now seeks to become more powerful than ever so she can destroy the world and the gods! hell hath no fury like the wrathful vengeance that this "woman" now seeks upon the universe; she is DONE with all of this! no wonder why she has been changed into what she is now as a reflection of the events that have changed/shaped her life; for as we know, to paraphrase: ONE BAD DAY can CHANGE YOUR LIFE. . .forever. damn that was a lot of text to type i did not expect this to be this long, sorry about that. but if anyone enjoyed this, glad you like it and hit me up, take care now.

[dragon30125]

Hey I haven’t been here in a LOOOONG time, but I need somewhere to just vent where there isn’t really much chance of a pity party or me freaking out some people.

It’s just, really fucking hard right now. This year has ducking sucked, hell most of my life sucks. Some of these are my own fault, some are no ones. Imma just list shit and bare my feelings cos like I need to get things off my chest.

The year started and I was working my ass off, then I got run off the road riding an EScooter and broke my hand, I was able to get 2 days off then back to work I went, I got punched by a customer that was beating the shit out of another customer when I intervened (With my broken hand btw) then I got sick, then my friend died, then I didn’t get to properly celebrate my 30th birthday with my friends cause they all had these plans come up, so I only really had 2 friends actually like celebrate with me (which hey better than my 19th or 22nd birthday when no one came to my party’s right?) then I worked for like 40 days straight then my grandma died, and hey straight off to the Gold Coast whilst my Dad, Aung and Uncle all fought over the Fucked up shit my Uncle did that came to light. Then work got busy and I still couldn’t get time off, even now it’s just a constant fucking fight to have an hour to myself, then dating opht.

So I’m 30, and despite all the different ways I have tried I just cannot succeed at any version of the partners/dating/boyfriend/girlfriend game. I’ve gone to bars, clubs, out with friends, out alone, OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Feeld and a slew of other apps. Paid for some of them at some point just to see and try but have come up empty. I’ve gotten dates! Not a lot of them, and even less second ones. I’ve never had a third. It fucking sucks. NOTE I don’t blame anyone for this, no one owes me a date or anything if the sort, and the only common factor to these dates is me so it’s obviously something I fuck up. But damn does it hurt. I bloomed late, got comfy with being bi, but just can’t get out of the gate.

And it’s just, the older I get the more I run into the question on these sites “Would you date someone who has never had a relationship?” And Goddamn does it hurt to see more and more people in the pool of people I could date answer more and more “No” to that every year. Again no one owes me anything but like I think I’m allowed to feel sadness that people won’t even give me a chance because of that, can’t I?

Then there’s the whole gender thing. Like the more and more that time goes on the more and more convinced I become that in probably a Trans woman, but then I still have those days that I feel like Andrew again. And then I see all the stuff that Andrew did and does and I don’t think Andi fits into those spaces or with those people even though all of me loves those spaces. Hell even work doesn’t seem like it will be ok to do there. And it just adds to this feeling of defeat that seems to be my daily life now.

I lost all this weight back in 2014/2015 and then I just slowly put it all back on again because I just lost interest in it and now every time I try to start again it feels like it just can’t happen and then that makes me give up even faster.

And I know I KNOW that I’m depressed and that actually going to see a therapist or a counselled or a psychiatrist would help but I literally cannot afford one, and I can’t find one that will take me and actually have me at an office cos I know I can’t do it online, at my apartment where I just want to let go and hide away.

Hell even work sucks for all of these reasons, I keep wanting to go do stuff and have me time, go to events and party’s that I know people at and where I know I can find some release and relief and just some fleeting happiness yet I just can’t get away from there for even 2 hours, having to cover peoples shifts because they’re sick when I’m also sick and it’s just ARGH.

I just don’t know what to do at this point, how to get out of this hole and all I can do is keep walking up this steep path, trudging along whilst finding the bodies of friends who couldn’t fight more, trying to take them with me even though they’re gone, whist some asshole keeps putting more and more arrows of shit into my back, so much that I just have to keep walking though, and just yeah

Look if you read all this thanks, again I don’t want any pity or anything I just needed somewhere to vent to just I dunno put out into the world and see if the universe will just give me a tiny break somewhere. So hopefully it does. I’ll be ok, I’m always ok, every now and then I just need to like pull out those arrows I mentioned so I can keep going so yeah thanks

[radix-outpost]

I’ve been thinking on and off about Castlevania, particularly Legends (the last original GameBoy installment that was infamously removed from the canon timeline). If I ever do some serious fan-timeline stuff, I’m seriously considering using Legends as the beginning of the main one, and plonking Lament of Innocence into a splinter timeline.

LoI is, mechanically, a fine game--but story-wise? It feels like one of those works where key points were to be set up in a companion novel, except no such novel exists. Leon’s emotional arc works, but everything else is disjointed (ex. the presentation of Joachim Armster vs. his actual significance to the plot, Mathias Cronqvist turning out to be the ultimate villain and Dracula ascendant whom we never see outside of the opening) and it introduces a number of elements which should’ve had huge implications for the entire series that were promptly forgotten about. Like, say, the fact that Sara Trantoul sacrificed herself to become the Vampire Killer and has technically fought alongside every Belmont and in-law since.

Legends, by contrast, is nice and simple and doesn’t drive me up the wall. Plus, the implication that Sonia and Alucard had a child arguably works better with the assertion made later on in the series that Dracula's own power is the only thing that can defeat him (if not permanently, at least for extended periods of time)--I prefer the irony and dramatic potential over “so the Whip’s Memory took the form of Richter and not the woman whose soul is entwined with the damn thing?”

IIRC, the only elements of LoI with any real bearing on future games are the Crimson and Ebony Stones, and it wouldn’t be hard to work those into a timeline which dumps LoI and keeps Legends.The man who would become Dracula finds the Ebony Stone, slowly loses his moral compass, tricks the holder of the Crimson Stone into disposing of themself, villain origin complete. Perhaps he started off as a Belmont-like holy warrior seeking to avenge the slaughter of his village at the hands of a vampire lord; his turn to despair and preexisting flaws drive him to embrace the dark power of the Ebony Stone and set him down a path more horrific than anyone could’ve imagined.

(...which is probably just Gabriel Belmont, thinking about it. :U Having not played the Lords of Shadow games, I’d like to take a very different approach.)

Of course, a splinter timeline that begins with LoI could be fun, too, provided you’re willing to pick up the slack storytelling-wise (sure woulda been nice to see Leon and Mathias interact as friends before everything goes to shit, grumble curse mutter...). It wouldn’t be too hard to magic Joachim back into relevance, either: Mathias resurrects him to act as one of his generals, which may or may not end with Joachim breaking free and harassing Leon on his own terms.