#I’ve definitely gotten better

[sentientroadkill]

Lately, all I want to do is write, I don't know what else to do with myself. I make a document and stare at it. I write one sentence. I write another. My head blurs. I stare. And that's all I got. I want to write. That's the only thought I have, just a long empty impulse.

I think this is shit. I’ve been foggy and blurry and hesitant and confused and unclear. I think this is shit and so is everything else I've been writing. I guess that was the point of this to begin with, I need to get better at writing. I started this days ago. I can get a concept but the execution kills itself. I don’t know what the fuck i want to say or what im trying to say. I’m just bleeding, I’m just drooling.

I’m sitting in this backyard, smoking a cigarette on a lawn chair that belongs to someone else. There are absolutely no stars out here. Before me is a red fence, crisscrossed low power lines, and the tops of a red house and a blue house. I feel sad. I feel like I miss something. But I realize there is nothing I’m missing.

And I’m thinking, and I want to write it, but it’s all conceptual. I have no tangible thoughts. It doesn’t make sense enough to write.

But I want to write.

I used to write “poetry” (quotations because it never followed a rhyme scheme, it never had any rules at all, it was just the structure of line, line, line, and it excuses the nonsensicality of it). I started that freshman year. Just for me, just to get things down, release things. I never planned on showing anyone. I showed my sister, Hayden, and a couple other people. I just wanted to show myself, what I saw, what I thought, what I felt. Writing those was an impulse. I would pause, sit down to type while I was walking, get it down. I needed to.

When I'm making art with someone, and they say theirs is bad, I say that cheesy thing—art is only for you, it's about expression. I encourage abstract art because it doesn't need to be a replica of a sight. It can be, sure, but, when people get insecure—Hayden would get insecure—I would say it's just about expressing. I do believe that.

But with writing, I get the frustration. I was always relatively comfortable with art. And I understand artists. It's about communicating a feeling. Sometimes, yes, it's a replica. But the artists i know, the artists i know well, like Kalico, it's about expressing a feeling.

It's this thing, these things that you paint or draw, characters, they're symbols. They represent a concept. Kalico has foxes, wolves, fish, and this big creature with a dog face and a long neck and droopy ears and antlers and stars. They show up differently and in different pieces. It is the representation of a concept. I have characters and certain things I do in art.

But writing is completely different. It’s words, language, there are rules. It's different.

I need to get better at writing so that i can tell you, anyone, everyone, what i mean, how i mean. I want to communicate.

I bottle things and don't know how to let them out. I write. But I don't know what I'm getting at. I have the feelings and I have the concepts, but I don't know what the words are, or how to string them together, what order to put them in, what are the phrases, the metaphors? What the fuck am i trying to say? I have a much too limited vocabulary about things. I need more words, phrases, better metaphors, the right structure, tone, flow.

A collective of thoughts and feelings and ideas and moments spread around a document. I usually do it in one go and then go back and edit. But my thoughts have been like a school of fish, and I just can't get a hold of one.

And when I get it I make monstrous spelling errors because my hands can't keep up with my head and dear god I need to get this out. And then I lose my grip.

Things slip through my fingers. They pass. Sights change. I lose my train of thought. Things pass. I take out my phone or my computer and I jot things down.

This document started as a concept and “Love—limited vocabulary Boots on your mantle and a framed Fuck The Beatles sticky note”. I started, I tried, I got part way through the thought, and it was left unfinished, just that. I lost it.

Things move so swiftly it's impossible to get it all down. But I attempt. It is an impulse.

I hang onto moments and live in them, but, inevitably, they pass. That makes me so sad sometimes. There is no solution. When I write, it is an attempt to immortalize. It's begging, it's pleading.

Every time I write, not just journal, when I try to write a piece, something I'm gonna share, it always feels like I'm begging, I'm pleading. I squirm and choke and writhe and pray and beg. I can’t just keep saying that. I need to get better at writing.

I want to get better at writing because I need to write.

“Why did I write it down? In order to remember, of course, but exactly what was it I wanted to remember? How much of it actually happened? Did any of it? Why do I keep a notebook at all? It is easy to deceive oneself on all those scores. The impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it, useful only accidentally, only secondarily, in the way that any compulsion tries to justify itself. I suppose that it begins or does not begin in the cradle. Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss.” Jane Didion

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 278

You know what I’ve gotten obsessed with and inspired by? Dredge. 

You know what is also fun? Merfolk. What’s even better? Lovecraftian corrupted merfolk. Especially if say, one goes with the Lazarus Waters being a form of ectoplasm. So, in this? Lazarus waters are like lakes, while Amity Park, thanks to the Portal, and the barriers? It is an entire sea. 

There are islands, small areas that were once the tips of buildings that have gathered more landmass around them. There are mangroves, trees not like anything on earth or anywhere else stretching up in canopies dark enough to block out the sun, yet lit by the green waters. 

It goes deep. Mariana Trench deep, despite it being impossible. The GIW have explored for caves or tunnels, they’ve tried to find some sort of explanation, but there isn’t one. 

Now all that ecto? That has an effect on people. They mutate, they change, they adapt. Anywhere else would have been a slow death- something the GIW might have even been counting on. But Amity Park? It was founded by witches, it was the hotspot for the supernatural, even before the Fentonwork Portal. They’ve been dealing with this sort of energy in microdoses from the moment they first began to live in the city in any generation. 

But they begin to adapt. Shift into something… other. Some stay contaminated, clinging to human forms as they form homes on the tiny islands, fishing and farming what they can. Others become Liminal, almost seeming to meld with fish, some similar to ones of the Living and others something just to the left. Similar yes, but not quite… right. And then there are those that have truly melded with the energy of the dead, forms torn asunder by it, ripped apart and made anew by it. 

The first sign back when the barrier was activated, when they could no longer leave and were trapped were the fish in the lake. And now they are the same, with gazes of something Else, with gnashing teeth and a hunger gnawing at where hearts once were. 

But they aren’t monsters. They’re still themselves. Just a little… Other now. 

[melting-cheese]

I found my first ever drawing of Peppino and Fake Peppino…. 😔

[froggychair05]

Every June 19th since 2021, @aveganrican and I have worked together on making the same art piece (I do the drawings, she watercolors them). It’s been a lot of fun and I love seeing how much we’ve both improved. 💜

@thatsthat24 :)

[shima-draws]

One of my friends showed me a song from the One Piece movie and now I want to watch it OH NO……do I need to have prior OP knowledge to watch the movie or can I just walk into it blind and get a general understanding of what’s going on

EDIT: Sorry I’m a dumbass I totally forgot that there’s multiple OP movies. It’s One Piece: Film Red!

[gothicprep]

I think the most depressing thing that’s happened in my life over the past couple of months is watching an otherwise intelligent friend descend into paranoia and conspiracy. maybe ex friend now, because I don’t feel all that inclined to talk to him these days, but it’s still sad to be a bystander to this who can’t help even if you try to intervene.

[limirint]

I think that pacing is truly the most frustrating part of my writing process. I crave a slow burn!!!! But how slow should I make it? Should it even be burning yet? Maybe I should write an exposition about the matches first, that way I can lead into the flame— no don’t leave stick with me

[lynxfrost13]

^ this is THE HoltxSieben song to me I really don’t do enough with the fact that Holt can absolutely be a horrible old lady about her old comrade huh

[s0fter-sin]

so lately i’ve been obsessed with a 141 dancer au

gaz runs classes, has a youtube channel and quickly becomes one of the most sought after choreographers in the music video scene. soap is his dance partner for his classes, he helps run them and does demonstrations with him

ghost is also a choreographer and he’s gaz’s Arch Nemesis

he's famous for never performing his routines, never doing public appearances without his skull mask and being highly exclusive with who he allows to perform his choreo which earns him his name (since he’s a ghost creator). gaz however is a social media darling, his classes and videos regularly doing huge numbers

they both popped up around the same time and are neck and neck in terms of popularity and skill and they immediately rub each other the wrong way

gaz accuses ghost of not actually choreographing his routines himself bc no one has ever seen him dance and ghost thinks gaz is a clout chaser who's just in it for the fame instead of passion

he became a dancer as a way to channel his rage after years of being an underground fighter, the discipline and physicality helping him more than fights ever did. he hates the thought of someone just using it just to get famous when it literally saved his life

deep down they know their accusations are wrong and they have a grudging appreciation for the other's talent but they'd both rather die than admit it

price is a famous dancer turned director they both work with frequently and they always fight over him; trying to get their routines picked for his music videos. he's also the only one in the industry who's ever seen the ghost perform (before he got famous and before the Incident™)

he finally gets fed up with them constantly being at each other's throats and hires them both to work together and choreograph a joint routine. they're both famous in their own right but this video is for a huge artist so neither of them can refuse no matter how much they hate the other

gaz has a gymnastics background but also a ballet background which lends him to a more fluid style whereas ghost’s style is stronger, more masculine with sharper movements so they naturally end up butting heads

then there's soap who has a completely different style altogether, focusing on a more modern, breakdancer style which makes him see everything completely differently

but it also adds to his self-doubt bc he didn't have a formal dance education, he built his entire repertoire by himself. people see him as inferior to gaz who has that very formal, highly disciplined style. his insecurities about only ever being seen as gaz's demonstration partner and that he can only do gaz’s routines so all his skill is just an extension of him instead of being seen as a dancer in his own right forces him to adopt a rigid - destructive - perfectionism in himself and his body

soap meets ghost before the first rehearsal. he gets to the studio early to practice when sees this beautiful man dancing

he has no idea who he is but he moves so seamlessly, almost better than gaz, and he immediately falls a little in love. the man catches him watching in the mirror and he flusters, getting worse as the man just smirks at him and flawlessly completes the routine

soap tries to save face and asks him to teach him the routine he's doing

the man agrees, introducing himself as simon. the style of the routine is familiar to soap but he can't focus on it when simon's hands are on his waist, guiding him through the steps; his chest pressed up against his back. they work together beautifully, picking up each other's body language and dancing together easier and better than they've ever danced with anyone

then gaz arrives and the vibe in the studio immediately changes

simon's easy confidence becomes hostility, pulling up the skull gaiter he'd let hang around his neck as he practically pushes soap behind him to square up to gaz

soap’s shocked when gaz hits back with the same energy until he realises it's the same way he acts whenever he talks about ghost and his stomach drops

he steps out from behind ghost to side with gaz and the betrayal in simon's eyes hurts more than anything he's ever felt

from there it's romeo and juliet; camp gaz versus camp ghost as they fight over every step of the choreo and soap is the poor bastard stuck in the middle

soap tries to channel that “you’re my best friend’s rival, i have to hate you,” mindset but he can’t forget the way it felt to dance with simon

and how much he wants to do it again

[arolesbianism]

Act 1-2 isat au Aris battle icons are done babey! This was hell to draw!!!

[romance-incubomp3]

aghhhh:(

[bolest-kosti]

Nuts how these are 2 years apart.

[wekillitwithfire]

truly something so empowering in just saying ‘fuck it we ball’. what a life changing mentality

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

FUCKKKK I FORGOT THERE’S ONLY THIRTY DAYS IN SEPTEMBER AND NOT THIRTY ONEE 😭😭

[pollenallergie]

do people with adhd have special interests? do we do that? cause i’ve been in my free willy shark week marine biology era for a solid decade now and like shit has not changed.

[iero]

Brother, it’s because they’re in my pocket…