#and like started trying to get better instead of just word vomit

[sentientroadkill]

Lately, all I want to do is write, I don't know what else to do with myself. I make a document and stare at it. I write one sentence. I write another. My head blurs. I stare. And that's all I got. I want to write. That's the only thought I have, just a long empty impulse.

I think this is shit. I’ve been foggy and blurry and hesitant and confused and unclear. I think this is shit and so is everything else I've been writing. I guess that was the point of this to begin with, I need to get better at writing. I started this days ago. I can get a concept but the execution kills itself. I don’t know what the fuck i want to say or what im trying to say. I’m just bleeding, I’m just drooling.

I’m sitting in this backyard, smoking a cigarette on a lawn chair that belongs to someone else. There are absolutely no stars out here. Before me is a red fence, crisscrossed low power lines, and the tops of a red house and a blue house. I feel sad. I feel like I miss something. But I realize there is nothing I’m missing.

And I’m thinking, and I want to write it, but it’s all conceptual. I have no tangible thoughts. It doesn’t make sense enough to write.

But I want to write.

I used to write “poetry” (quotations because it never followed a rhyme scheme, it never had any rules at all, it was just the structure of line, line, line, and it excuses the nonsensicality of it). I started that freshman year. Just for me, just to get things down, release things. I never planned on showing anyone. I showed my sister, Hayden, and a couple other people. I just wanted to show myself, what I saw, what I thought, what I felt. Writing those was an impulse. I would pause, sit down to type while I was walking, get it down. I needed to.

When I'm making art with someone, and they say theirs is bad, I say that cheesy thing—art is only for you, it's about expression. I encourage abstract art because it doesn't need to be a replica of a sight. It can be, sure, but, when people get insecure—Hayden would get insecure—I would say it's just about expressing. I do believe that.

But with writing, I get the frustration. I was always relatively comfortable with art. And I understand artists. It's about communicating a feeling. Sometimes, yes, it's a replica. But the artists i know, the artists i know well, like Kalico, it's about expressing a feeling.

It's this thing, these things that you paint or draw, characters, they're symbols. They represent a concept. Kalico has foxes, wolves, fish, and this big creature with a dog face and a long neck and droopy ears and antlers and stars. They show up differently and in different pieces. It is the representation of a concept. I have characters and certain things I do in art.

But writing is completely different. It’s words, language, there are rules. It's different.

I need to get better at writing so that i can tell you, anyone, everyone, what i mean, how i mean. I want to communicate.

I bottle things and don't know how to let them out. I write. But I don't know what I'm getting at. I have the feelings and I have the concepts, but I don't know what the words are, or how to string them together, what order to put them in, what are the phrases, the metaphors? What the fuck am i trying to say? I have a much too limited vocabulary about things. I need more words, phrases, better metaphors, the right structure, tone, flow.

A collective of thoughts and feelings and ideas and moments spread around a document. I usually do it in one go and then go back and edit. But my thoughts have been like a school of fish, and I just can't get a hold of one.

And when I get it I make monstrous spelling errors because my hands can't keep up with my head and dear god I need to get this out. And then I lose my grip.

Things slip through my fingers. They pass. Sights change. I lose my train of thought. Things pass. I take out my phone or my computer and I jot things down.

This document started as a concept and “Love—limited vocabulary Boots on your mantle and a framed Fuck The Beatles sticky note”. I started, I tried, I got part way through the thought, and it was left unfinished, just that. I lost it.

Things move so swiftly it's impossible to get it all down. But I attempt. It is an impulse.

I hang onto moments and live in them, but, inevitably, they pass. That makes me so sad sometimes. There is no solution. When I write, it is an attempt to immortalize. It's begging, it's pleading.

Every time I write, not just journal, when I try to write a piece, something I'm gonna share, it always feels like I'm begging, I'm pleading. I squirm and choke and writhe and pray and beg. I can’t just keep saying that. I need to get better at writing.

I want to get better at writing because I need to write.

“Why did I write it down? In order to remember, of course, but exactly what was it I wanted to remember? How much of it actually happened? Did any of it? Why do I keep a notebook at all? It is easy to deceive oneself on all those scores. The impulse to write things down is a peculiarly compulsive one, inexplicable to those who do not share it, useful only accidentally, only secondarily, in the way that any compulsion tries to justify itself. I suppose that it begins or does not begin in the cradle. Although I have felt compelled to write things down since I was five years old, I doubt that my daughter ever will, for she is a singularly blessed and accepting child, delighted with life exactly as life presents itself to her, unafraid to go to sleep and unafraid to wake up. Keepers of private notebooks are a different breed altogether, lonely and resistant rearrangers of things, anxious malcontents, children afflicted apparently at birth with some presentiment of loss.” Jane Didion

[frudoo]

How would slasher! 141 react to a reader who isn’t a fan of violence but goes absolutely HAM when one of the victims escapes and injured her boyfriends? (I know the guys are good at what they do but let’s just pretend lol)

maybe she’s dirty from doing chores outside and the victim assumes that she’s an escapee as well, says something about ‘stabbing that fucker with his own knife’ and she just sees red because this piece of shit hurt her boys and she CANNOT let that stand.

Without even thinking, she starts absolutely wailing on this person, punching, kicking, etc. She's got blood on her clothes and shes breathing heavily when the boys finally make their way outside.

how would they react? 😳

This AU has me tweakin I swear

Warnings: Dark!Fic/DDDNE. Explicit gore. Emetophobia.

You gently pick up the little rabbit and giggle, pressing a kiss to its fur before sending it off somewhere else that isn’t your vegetable garden. The pesky things have been terrorizing your poor crops, and while it’s a nuisance, you just can’t stay mad at the little fellas, let alone ask your boys to get rid of the problem. There’s a rustling in the bush next to you and you suspect it’s another bunny looking for a tasty meal, but before you can go investigate, a loud scream coming from the barn startles you.

     Typically, you’re able to drown out the sounds of your husbands’ victims—it freaks you out to hear a person in so much pain, no matter how badly they deserve it. But this is not a victim’s scream. You know that scream. It’s the same one you hear any time he stubs his toe or gets a cramp in bed. That’s Simon’s scream. Immediately you’re on alert, standing from your knees and starting towards the barn.

     Instead of seeing your husband rush out, seeking medical aid or some kind of comfort, a random man covered in dirt and blood comes stumbling outside, looking terrified. You recognize him as the guy Simon, the big, unbreakable brick wall of a man, had even said wasn’t an easy one to catch. When the man sees you also covered in muck, he laughs like he’s just won the lottery, relieved. He rushes up to you, grabbing your hand and trying to pull you towards the fields, no doubt to look for some kind of escape. 

     “C’mon, we- we gotta get outta here. Now! We have time- fuck, lady, come on! I stabbed that fucker with his own knife, so we have time,” he rambles, digging his filthy nails into your skin to get a better grip.

     His words seem to make your heart stop beating in your chest. So that’s why Simon was screaming in pain. Your Simon, your sweet baby, one of your protectors, hurt by an inferior piece of meat. A special brand of scum. You’re scratching at his face before you even realize it. 

     “Wha- bitch! Stop! I’m trying to save you, lady!” Any other time, you’re sure a man like him could have easily overpowered you, but you feel fucking invincible right now, kicking the backs of his knees until he falls.

     You pounce on his back and trap him on the ground, grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling his head back just to smash it into the dirt. He’s screaming in agony and you’re sure his nose is broken, but you can’t stop. He hurt one of your boys, and if you know anything about the pieces of shit your husbands get rid of, you’re positive nobody is going to miss the one struggling beneath your weight. You bash his head into the ground over and over—his nose is completely crushed and his teeth are busted, but you just keep going and going and going until your arms are finally tired and you’re heaving with effort.

     When you climb off of him, you see just how much blood has tainted the grass, and you feel nauseous. The man is no longer screaming, not even grunting or moaning, and you know you’ve killed him. You roll him over just to make sure, and the sight of his mangled face makes you lean forward to vomit. You end up tripping over one of his untied shoelaces and falling right on top of his body. Sobbing, you scramble away, screaming when your back hits something solid.

     “Hey, hey, it’s just me, darlin’. Just me,” John coos, helping you up and pulling you into a tight hug.

     “I-I di- I didn’t mean to,” you weep, blood and bile still sour on your tongue. “H-he… he stabbed Simon, and- and I-”

     “Okay, sweetheart, it’s fine. I’ve got you now, yeah? Deep breaths, baby, breathe with me,” John instructs, cupping your sticky cheeks in his palms and forcing you to look at him.

     Distantly, you see Johnny rushing towards the barn and Kyle dragging the man’s body out of sight, but John makes you focus on him. Only once you’re calm, sniffling instead of hyperventilating, does he explain what’s going on. 

     “Kyle’s cleanin’, and Johnny’s gettin’ Simon all patched up. He’s gonna be okay, baby. You were so brave for us, sweet girl. Do you hear me? I'm so proud of you. We all are.” 

     You nod, but you need to see Simon, make sure that he’s really okay. Make sure your efforts weren’t in vain, that the blood on your hands wasn’t shed pointlessly.

     “I wanna see him,” you hiccup, and John nods, turning you around so you can watch as Johnny helps him walk out of the barn.

     You let out a sob of relief, rushing towards the pair and wrapping your arms around Simon, who grunts in pain. You gasp and move to pull away, but Simon just holds you tighter, letting you take as much comfort as you need from him.

     “I love you,” you murmur, and he smiles.

     “I love you more, perfect girl.”

[lyak12]

Just friends

Lucy Bronze x Reader

Summary: Lucy has been your girlfriend for three years already, but lately, she's spending more time with Ona than with you. Is she falling out of love with you?

Word count: almost 4.2k

A/N: I'm back with another Lucy fic:) Thanks to @helen-with-an-a for the inspiration:) I still have a few requests that I want to finish soon, but I'm currently swamped with uni stuff... so be patient with me. Also, there is a happy end cause my heart can't take pure Angst hahaha. I hope you enjoyy

Warnings: Anxiety, struggling with self-worth, concussion, vomiting, angsty in general, if I missed something lmk:)

Living in sunny Barcelona, playing for one of the best clubs in the world and all of that with the love of your life. A pretty perfect life one would say. Well, currently, you are feeling none of that.

You are insecure. You always have been, but normally, Lucy is quick to pull you out of that mindset. You’ve struggled with self-worth your whole life. Always thinking everyone is better than you. It has gotten better since you started dating Lucy over three years ago, but one of your biggest insecurities is still that she’ll get sick of you and leave you for someone better.

You know Ona is just a friend. She’s Spanish and they’re really close, so of course there will be lots of physical contact. You don’t mind that. You’re not jealous. You’re just scared Lucy will fall out of love with you and in love with Ona.

All the edits on Tiktok and insta were not helping. It got so bad that Lucy tried to block the hashtags on your accounts. It worked for a while but not long.

As Lucy spends the third afternoon in a row with Ona, you start to get even more insecure and a bit pissed to be honest. “Again? I thought we wanted to go to the beach today”, You ask a bit annoyed. “Am I not allowed to spend time with my friends anymore?”, Lucy asks defensive, not liking your tone. You just sigh and say, “Never mind, have fun”, you say and go into the bedroom.

Lucy doesn’t bother to come after you. You have been having the same discussion for days already. Lucy completely oblivious to the fact that your anxiety is bad at the moment, instead thinking you’re jealous. You change into some shorts and a crop top before going back into the living room, ready to take Narla to the beach instead. However, Narla is gone, too. Lucy must’ve taken her with her to Ona.

Great, you don’t even have your cuddle buddy now. Sighing again, you dry the tears that have escaped your eyes. You grab a hat and sunglasses and go to the beach on your own. Needing to spend your time somehow and the beach and ocean help clear your head.

You get home late, just needing the time to think. “Where have you been?”, is the first thing you hear when you get in before you come face to face with an angry Lucy and an excited Narla. “The beach”, you just say as you squat down to greet the dog. “Until now? You couldn’t look at your phone? I was worried out of my mind!”, Lucy asks loudly.

“I haven’t looked at my phone since I left the house”, you just say without looking at the brunette. “Y/N I’m talking to you! I was worried”, She says angrily. You flinch slightly at her tone. The tears you worked so hard to fight back threatening to escape. You look up and say “I’m sorry. I needed to think. I didn’t realize how late it was getting “, you say quietly, trying to stay busy with scratching Narla’s little belly.

“Next time, look at your phone”, Lucy just says and turns around before getting back to the couch. You cuddle Narla a bit longer, the Westie noticing the inner turmoil in you.

Eventually, you stand up and head into the living room as well. “How was your time with Ona?”, you ask quietly. “You gonna get jealous again if I say good?”, Lucy grumbles. “Lucy, I’m not jealous!”, you say defensively.

“Oh really? Then why are we having this same fight over and over again?”, she asks, looking at you. “Because you’re spending every free minute with her. It’s like you’re attached at the hip. I’m sorry I want to spend time with you too”, you argue.

“Yeah sure, that’s the reason. I’m sorry I’m spending time with my friends. Damnit, Y/N! It’s obvious you’re jealous, at least own up to it!”, Lucy yells, and that cuts deep. That sentence just lets something snap in you. “You want me to own up to it? Fine! I’m NOT fucking jealous Lucy! I’m scared. I’m scared you’re falling in love with Ona! I’m scared you’ll drop me as soon as she says yes”, you yell with tears streaming down your cheeks, letting yourself be vulnerable in front of Lucy.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous! Ona and I are friends, and that’s it! You should hear yourself. It’s absurd. Stop making a big deal out of nothing”, Lucy dismisses your fear. She has never done that before. She knows how your mind works and what she just said will make you spiral. Apparently, though, she doesn’t care.

You just look at her and dry your tears roughly. Giving her a nod before you head away from her. “Where are you going?”, Lucy asks, confused. She can see you’re still angry. “Why do you care? I thought I’m just being dramatic”, you snarl as she notices that her choice of words maybe were not the smartest.

“Y/N”, Lucy tries half-heartedly. “No. Not once have you treated me like this. You act like I’m not even here! You don’t pay attention unless I’m saying something about Ona. You know how much that hurts?”, you yell tearfully. “Now you’re exaggerating…”, Lucy says with an eye roll. You just look at her in disbelief and give her a nod. You swallow hard and say “I’m going to bed.”

With that, you leave her alone in the living room and head to the bedroom. Normally, you never go to bed angry. That is one rule that’s important to both of you. Well, tonight, the rule will be broken. By the time she comes to bed, you act like you’re asleep already. She still kisses your head, but you just pull away from her slightly.

You hear her sigh softly, but she doesn’t say anything. Eventually, you fall into a restless sleep.

As the alarm goes off the next morning, Lucy turns it off, and you just sigh. “Good morning”, Lucy says gently. “Morning”, you just grumble before you sit up with your back to her. “Seriously? You’re still pissed? Come on, it’s getting ridiculous”, Lucy says with an eye roll. You turn to her and say “Even if I wouldn’t be pissed anymore, I would be again after this comment. But yeah, of course I’m the ridiculous one. Because God forbid your stubborn brain could acknowledge that maybe you’re not as innocent as you tell yourself you are.”

You just get up and get into the bathroom. Lucy doesn’t say anything and just sighs. She really does not understand what your problem is. You get ready separately, but you’re not hungry, so you just grab a protein bar and gel to eat before practice.

The drive to the training grounds is quiet. You don’t say a word. Once in the locker room, you quickly change, but your teammates notice the tension between the two of you.

Mapi comes in just as you’re almost done changing. “Oh trouble in paradise?”, she asks with a slight tease. As an answer, you just grab your boots and drinks before walking out of the locker room.

Mapi just looks concerned at Lucy, the teasing smile wiped from her face. You normally enjoy Mapi’s teasing or at least chuckle slightly. “She’s been like that since we fought last night”, Lucy says with a soft sigh. “Last night?”, Alexia asks. Most of your team knew your rule to never go to bed angry. So as Lucy nods, most of them look concerned at each other. This has to be a bad fight.

Everyone can tell you’re not in the mood during practice. You play a lot more aggressively than usual. But not the type of aggressive that would hurt another.

You’re pushing yourself hard today, just needing to get out the frustration somehow. As you do a quick round of scrimmage halfway through practice, you run into the box to be on the end of a nice cross from Frido. However you’re a bit late, so you jump in at full speed, trying to find the ball and head it in. One of those flying headers Lucy is known for. Ona, however, is there to defend you, and since she’s running backwards, she doesn’t see you throwing yourself in for the ball.

You crash together, and the collision makes you hit the ball with your temple, unable to get it into the goal. You both land on the ground roughly, you a few feet away from Ona because of the speed you had come with.

You both groan for a moment, stars appearing in front of your eyes momentarily, your head throbbing. You close your eyes for a second, but as you hear Lucy’s voice, you open your eyes. However, her question, if you’re okay, is not directed at you. She is squatting next to Ona. That was it. Yes, Ona was lying closer to Lucy, but still.

“You okay?”, Frido asks you softly, and you just mumble “I’m fine.” You get up as Lucy walks up to you, resting a hand on your shoulder, but you immediately shrug it off and say “Don’t touch me. Don’t act like you care now.” The team has never seen you so angry. You just walk away from the brunette and make your way back to your position.

You high five Ona, not angry at her for the tackle. You squeeze the bridge of your nose slightly as you walk back. God, your head is throbbing. Your world is spinning, and you’re not feeling good at all. You try to shake it off, but Alexia can tell, so she rests a hand on your shoulder and asks “You okay, y/n/n?”

You don’t answer her trying to gather yourself. However, you only drop to all fours a few steps later as the dizziness becomes too overwhelming. “Y/N!”, Alexia yells and quickly waves the physios over.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”, the Physio asks, and you can only mumble “Dizzy, head throbbing.” Your ears were ringing slightly as you struggle to keep your composure. They look into your eyes and can see that they are unfocused. “Where did you hit the ball?”, he asks softly, having an idea what might be going on.

Your hand moves to your temple and the spot right next to your ear as you almost lose balance and face plant the grass. The physios steady you, and he says, “Yeah, that might be a concussion, let’s get you off the field and checked out.”

“Let me help”, Lucy says, wanting to help you up. “No, please just leave me alone”, you shrug off her hands with tears in your eyes. Alexia steps in and pulls you to your feet before guiding you to the physio room.

“What happened between you? Talk to me”, Alexia asks on the way, knowing the tears are from the emotional pain, not the physical. “We fought badly. She’s been spending a lot of time with Ona lately and ditches our plans for her. You know I’m not jealous. I know they’re just friends, but I’m scared Lucy is starting to fall in love with her and just waits to drop me. However, she completely dismisses my concern, telling me I’m ridiculous and dramatic. I don’t want her here. It’s like I’m not even there anymore. It's always just Ona”, you tell her tearfully, she wraps you in her arms for a second while you sob.

After a minute, you get it together, and Alexia presses a kiss to your head. “I know me saying this won’t help, but Lucy only has eyes for you, but I understand. I tell her not to come in here, but you gotta promise me you’ll talk to each other, okay?”, She says seriously. You just nod before you lie back on the physio bed.

Alexia leaves, and the physio checks you for a concussion. “So you said you’re head hurts and you’re dizzy, any other symptoms?”, he asks softly, shining a light into your eyes. “Nausea, sensitivity to light. I feel a bit out of it”, you answer, and he just nods. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is a mild concussion. The ball really hit you on an unfortunate spot. You should feel better after a few days, but for now let’s get you home and get some rest. No straining activities, keep yourself hydrated, and get some sleep, alright?”, he asks, and you nod.

He helps you get changed before driving you home. The motion of the car makes the nausea so much worse that you throw up as soon as you're home. You try to rest and sleep, but your head won’t let you. The thoughts just crashing on each other making you restless, so you pull on your sunglasses and a hat, grab your headphones to dampen the sounds and make your way to one of your favorite spots at the beach. It’s not a long walk, so you’re fine. The area is usually not filled with many people, so you just lean against the railing and look out on the sea as you sink into your thoughts.

Meanwhile, Alexia walks back out to see everyone have a small water break. Lucy is standing with Keira and Ona, nibbling on the bottle nervously. “How is she?”, she asks Alexia, concerned. “She’s hurt, not just physically. Lucy, what the hell is going on with you? You know how Y/N is, you can’t tell her she’s dramatic and ridiculous, thinking she won’t spiral”, Alexia says a bit angry. Everyone on the team knows that you need reassurance, especially when those thoughts in your head get too loud. And they all could see that was the case lately. “What?”, Keira and Ona ask at the same time as they look at Lucy disappointed. “She was going on and on about how I keep spending time with you and never with her. I just figured she was jealous, and it isn’t a big deal. And as she told me she’s scared I will fall in love with you just something in me snapped, I couldn’t stop it”, Lucy tries to argue quietly as she looks at Ona, but she knows she’s in the wrong here.

Alexia just smacks her hard in the back of the head and grumbles “Estúpida!” “Lucy, her logical brain knows that there is just friendship between us. But you know how insecure she can get, and it’s been getting worse again lately. You should’ve been more attentive”, Ona says, disappointed. “Yeah you better fix this before it's too late”, Keira says seriously, and Lucy just sighs, realizing that she really messed up. “Right now she doesn’t want to see you, I think she has a mild concussion so give her some space, but you guys gotta talk tonight”, Alexia says and gives the brunette a little shove back onto the field.

At the end of practice, Lucy immediately runs to the physio room, but you’re gone. „Where is she?“, Lucy asks the physio as he comes in. „I drove her home. She needs rest“, he says, and she just looks worried at him. „Lucy, relax. It’s just a mild concussion. The ball just hit her at the wrong spot. She’ll be okay in a few days“, he says reassuringly, but it does little to calm her worries. She pushes her hair out of her face and takes a deep breath. „I know, I just really messed up. Thank you for driving her home. I gotta go“, Lucy says and jogs into the locker room. Changing with the speed of light before grabbing her bag and running out again. She doesn’t have time for a shower. She needs to get to you.

Speeding home, she runs in and looks around for you, but the apartment is empty. Grabbing her phone, she calls Alexia. „She’s not here“, Lucy says as soon as Alexia picks up. „Lucy, calm down. What?“, Alexia says, still in the locker room with most of the girls. Ona and Keira look up as Lucy‘s name falls, coming a bit closer so they can hear too. „She’s not here. Y/N is not here. She was told to rest, where is she? What if something happened?“, Lucy asks, worried. Rechecking all the rooms. „Hey Luce, calm down. Come on, take a deep breath“, Ona says, and Lucy rubs a hand over her face before taking a deep breath. „Think. Is there any place Y/N could be? Any place she likes to go to think?“, Keira asks gently but worried about you as well.

The line is silent for a moment as Lucy tries to think. „Isn’t there a spot at the beach close to your apartment that she likes?“, Alexia asks as she remembers you telling her about something like that. „Yeah, I think I know where she is. I‘ll keep you updated, thank you“, Lucy says and hangs up before she grabs her keys and phone and is out the door again. Leaving a completely confused Narla behind.

She sends a quick text to Ona and asks her if she could take Narla out while she was looking for you, which she, of course, does. She runs almost the whole way to the beach. As she gets to the part where it is quiet and especially during this time empty, she sees you leaning at the railing. She sends a quick „I found her“, message to the three girls and packs her phone away. Catching her breath, she slowly approaches you.

„What are you doing here?“, you just ask without looking at the brunette. You know exactly who it is without having to take a look. „I wanted to make sure you’re okay“, Lucy says softly, taking your headphones from your ears carefully. You look at her, your eyes hiding behind your sunglasses. „As you can see I’m fine“, you just say.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. Can we please talk?”, Lucy asks softly. “What? You just wanna tell me I’m ridiculous again? I can deal without, thank you”, You just say and turn to look out to the sea again. “Hey, no”, Lucy says and guides your chin back to look at her. She pushes your sunglasses up to look into your eyes and says honestly “I messed up badly, and I’ve been an ass. I didn’t pay attention and did not treat you like you deserve. I’m sorry. I know a simple I’m sorry won’t do it, but I need you to know that.”

“You know how disgusting it feels to be treated like you make a big deal out of nothing, when it’s all you can think about? When your insecurities and anxiety get dismissed with a simple, you’re being ridiculous? You know how I am Lucy. My logical brain knows that Ona and you are just friends. A simple reassurance and afternoon spend together would’ve fixed everything, but instead, you had to treat me like a piece of shit. Like I’m just this jealous clingy girlfriend. Do you know how much that hurt? To feel like you’re throwing three years away just like that? I’m not asking you to stop spending time with her or not checking on her when she goes down during practice, but, for fucks sake, don’t take me for granted. I don’t need much, but if you want this relationship, you gotta treat me with the respect and love I deserve. Because I can’t take whatever this is much longer. Love me or leave me, that simple”, you tell her as tears start to fall from your eyes. The more words leave your mouth the more tears fall.

She knows how fast you can spiral, but she hasn’t expected it to be this bad. She gently dries your tears as she starts to tear up a bit herself. “Y/N I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I acted like that. I should’ve seen how much my behavior hurt you. Instead, I just kept going and didn’t pay attention. I was wrong, and you didn’t deserve that. I never wanted you to even think about doubting that my love for you is still there. I messed up, and yes, I took you for granted without noticing, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Y/N, I love you. I love you so much, and I don’t know how my head got so messed up that I stopped trying to show that to you. I’m truly sorry, I promise to make it up to you if you let me. I promise, I love you like you deserve because you deserve the world, my love”, Lucy says honestly, and you just hiccup slightly, trying not to sob. This is all you needed to hear, but you spiraled so deep you’re not sure if you can trust her words.

“Are you just saying this, or is this the truth?”, you ask tearfully. “It’s the truth, please let me make it up to you and love you like you deserve”, Lucy says softly, scared that she really messed up so bad that she’s past the point of a second chance. “Okay”, you mumble quietly, praying you won’t regret trusting her. You’re just in a bad place mentally, and it’s hard to even trust Lucy.

As she hears the okay, she’s quick to pull you into her arms and kisses your forehead. She holds you close, and you cling to her, crying into her chest. Tears are falling down her cheeks as well, but her focus is on you. She needs to take care of you now, treating you like you deserve.

It takes you a few minutes to calm down, Lucy’s heartbeat being able to pull you out of those dark clouds in your head and into a more relaxed state. But that also makes you feel the symptoms of the concussion again. It’s a blessing and a curse. You squeeze your eyes shut as your world spins.

Lucy can tell how unsteady you’re getting, so she just tightens her grip on you and says “Shh, I got you, my love. Let me take care of you.” You just clutch her shirt tightly, leaning on her heavily. Your head pounding. “Let’s get you home. You want me to call a cab to get us home?”, Lucy asks softly as she kisses your head. “No, the motion makes me throw up. I’ll be okay, just give me a minute”, you mumble and try to breathe through the pain and dizziness.

“Take your time, I’ll carry you if you need me too”, Lucy says, and you know she will, but it’s a 15-minute walk to your shared apartment. “Yeah and then you won’t be able to walk for the next three days because of your knee”, You tease weakly. Lucy can’t help but smile at this slight return of banter. “It’s worth it for you”, Lucy just says with a soft shrug and smiles before she kisses your forehead.

You just smile softly and rest against her for a moment longer, taking a few deep breaths. “Okay, I’m ready”, you mumble, and Lucy wraps an arm around your waist to steady you while you make your way home slowly. “When you need a break, tell me”, Lucy says and kisses your temple gently, and you nod.

To be fair, by the time you’re almost home, she is half carrying you. You’re exhausted and definitely pushed yourself too hard today after your concussion. The nausea gets worse the more you walk, so barely five minutes away you stop Lucy and start to throw up again into the grass without much of a warning. “Okay, I got you, love. Deep breaths”, Lucy says, gathering your hair and rubbing your back while keeping you steady. There is not much for you to throw up, so you calm down quickly, but your legs are threatening to give out.

“Do you want me to carry you on my back or bridal style? What do you think will make you less dizzy?”, Lucy asks, it’s not a question of if. It’s how you want to be carried. “Bridal”, you just mumble quietly. Being able to hide your face in Lucy’s neck sounds amazing. She picks you up immediately and carries you the rest of the way home. Did her knee protest a bit? Yes, but she’d do it all over again without a thought.

Once home, she carries you to bed, and you’re greeted by Narla, who jumps on the bed and showers you in kisses. Lucy sets up a bucket and enough water before tucking you in. “Get some sleep. Rest that pretty head of yours. I’ll be here when you wake up”, Lucy says, running her fingers through your hair. “Promise?”, “Promise. I love you”, Lucy says softly.

“I love you too, I missed you”, you just mumble before you doze off. The last thing you feel is a kiss on your forehead.

[megumiluvv]

One day, Choso is confused when you cancel watching Yuji with no explanation. Usually, there’s a long apology and reasoning, usually a last-minute scheduling issue, but today? Radio silence. After getting his uncle over to watch Yuji, Choso walks next door to check on you, knowing he’ll be late to his nth part-time job.

When you don’t answer the door, he uses the spare key you gave him, and he calls for you. Still, no response.

He gets to your room to see you passed out on your bed, phone in hand with a half-typed explanation to him, and blankets twisting with your legs. Choso picks up your phone, reading the half-typed text with multiple spelling errors, able to make out “ghreq ip” and “um so sprty”, knowing it probably means “threw up” and “I’m so sorry”.

The dark-haired male frowns and shuts off your phone, putting it on the charger and onto your nightstand. He then shuts off your lamps and fixes your blanket. Choso then goes to your kitchen and calls into work, claiming he’s sick and can’t make it to work. He then starts to cook your favorite soup.

You wake up to the smell of food, the feeling of dread instantly occurs, thinking you accidentally cooked something while delirious after throwing up. You scramble out of bed and hurry into the kitchen and find none other than your neighbor cooking soup for you.

“Choso?” You mumble, sleepy and confused, throat hoarse from your earlier vomiting.

“Go back to bed,” he mumbles, not even turning to look at you as he continues to cook. “Actually, try the soup, does it need anything?”

He carefully blows on the spoon to cool the broth and then brings it to your lips. You taste the soup and nod.

“Good.” Is all you manage to say as you watch him cook. It never gets old. Watching how docile and domestic he can be while looking so imposing and menacing.

He lays you back in bed despite your protests, and leaves the room. He quickly returns with a bowl of soup and sits in front of you.

“Here, open up.”

“Nooo, go work, I’ll get you sick,” you mumble.

“Don’t care, open up, I already said I’m not working today.”

“Fiiine…”

He carefully cools each bite of soup for you and spoon feeds you. Choso smiles at your tired, sickly expression.

“Yuji’s with our uncle, if you were wondering,” he mumbles and feeds you, letting you sip your water.

“What was his name again?” You mumble.

“Sukuna. He instantly thought of something inappropriate when I said you cancelled today.”

“Oh god…”

“Yup. Instant smirk on his face.”

“What’d he say?”

“Said that you and I should be more careful.” Choso rolls his eyes at the innuendo left by his uncle’s words.

“He thinks I’m bedridden because… that’s so inappropriate…” It took you a while to get the innuendo, but when it did click, your cheeks flushed.

“Yeah, it is.” He agrees.

He goes back to feeding you instead of continuing the topic.

“Yuji misses you already. He said he wanted to play hide and seek today.”

“Maybe we’ll play next time.”

“I’m off work for the rest of the week.”

“Oh, guess I’ll have to wait til next week, then.”

“Who says my dear neighbor can’t visit any time when they feel better?”

“Right, we’re neighbors, friends, not just babysitter and employer, huh?” You smile, starting to feel better after eating.

“Yeah, we are, aren’t we?” He smiles too, always smiling when he sees yours. “Feel better and the three of us can all play.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m working on feeling better. Give me like, a day or two,” you mumble and lay down.

Choso chuckles and contemplates lying beside you, but doesn’t want your protests about getting him sick. He decides to let you rest and he fixes your covers, then puts up the leftover soup and cleans the dishes, staying quiet so he doesn’t wake you. He could get used to doing small things for you.

Masterlist

[chlix]

treatment resistant

bf! chan x fem! reader: he comforts you during a mental health episode

pairing: chan x reader

genre: ANGST like seriously, turns into comfort at the end tho 🙏🏾

word count: 4.7k

warnings: graphic depictions of depression, anxiety/anxiety attacks, and psychosis (paranoia); self worth issues; general self-loathing

a/n: i wrote this in one sitting about six months ago and deliberated posting it, but it's almost the end of the year so i feel like i should release it. i used to feel so validated by fics where reader is depressed and gets comforted, but she was never as depressed as i sometimes was, so i drew a bit from life for this one. everyone please be safe and read the warnings <3

It doesn't start with the dishes. In fact, you think your therapist might tell you that it's not about the dishes at all, but about your own poor self-image, or lack of emotional regulation, or about a thousand other things that are wrong with the way you perceive yourself and the world.

The truth is that lately you've been sleeping way too late and waking up too early, and you're so tired that you can't eat, which makes you so hungry that you can't take naps. You're between jobs and the outlook hasn't been great, your best friend keeps blowing you off in favor of her new boyfriend, and just this week you found out that your favorite bakery is no longer making the souffles that you've been using as a pick me up since you moved into this building.

You don't do well with change, or rejection, or honestly anything, lately. You wake up stressed and you go to sleep stressed. You keep your phone on Do Not Disturb because you can't bear receiving notifications. Just today you've talked yourself out of taking showers twice, only to have a meltdown when you tried to sit on your bed because you felt too dirty to touch your own sheets. You sit on the floor instead. You eat a singular banana for lunch, just to make your headache go away. Your headache does not go away. You feel both unreal and painfully solid, sinking into the ground and on the verge of floating away.

Your boyfriend, Chan, keeps texting you updates about his day, and answering them feels like an exercise in performance art. You scroll through your previous texts to make sure you're adding the right amount of exclamation points, that you're using the same recent emojis. It's like cosplaying a happier version of yourself. A better version, a version that he could love, as opposed to how you are now: greasy and gross and plastered to the floor in your hallway. The idea of him seeing you like this fills you terror, or at least it would if you hadn't burned out your capacity for feeling things already.

A new message pops up.

Chan: Hey baby ❤️ Was thinking of swinging by tonight after work? I can bring dinner with me

Just the thought of eating threatens to make you vomit. You suck in a breath and hold it as you type,

You: If you want something specific go for it! I already started cooking but we could have it another time

Chan: I don't want to waste all your hard work. We can have what you're making. I'm sure it'll be delicious :)

You: I can promise edible. Delicious is up in the air rn 😭

Chan: I have faith in you even if you don't ❤️. I'll be there around seven today

You: Okay! I love you sm, see you then! ❤️❤️❤️

You lock your phone and throw it across the room. Why do you do this to yourself? "Already started cooking?" You haven't showered today.  Normally you try to deter Chan from coming over when you're having a freakazoid episode, but now you've basically invited him in? You have to be normal for an entire evening?

You fall on your back on the ground and put your hands over your face, blocking out the sunshine that insists on steaming through the cracks in the drapes. Your heart is beating so hard you worry you're going into cardiac arrest.

Get off the fucking ground, y/n, you tell yourself. You have to go cook dinner for your boyfriend.

"There is something very wrong with me," you say out loud, very quietly. The silence of your apartment swallows the words. They vanish, as if never said.

You get up.

It takes you two tries to make something even passing as edible. Your head is all over the place, and you burn batches of oil and veggies before you manage to stay in your body long enough to finish making anything. It takes an embarrassing amount of pans and spoons and bowls to make something that should be simple, and as dishes pile up in the sink you feel stupider and stupider. Why are you acting like you don't know how to cook? It's not hard to make some vegetables in stew. You don't know why it's taking every appliance in your kitchen and all of your concentration to execute such a simple task.

By the time you're done cooking, you've stressed yourself out enough that you're getting a tension headache. You close your eyes and brace yourself against the sink, rallying yourself.

Just do these dishes and then you can sit down, you think. Just one more thing.

You pick up a sponge.

You put the sponge down.

There is no way you can do these dishes.

It doesn't so much hit you like a train as the realization slowly creeps up on you. It's not that many dishes, really. It looks like a lot, because the pots and bowls are so large, but numerically there's very few items in your sink. It wouldn't even take 30 minutes to clean everything and leave it in the rack for later.

But that's not happening. The idea fills you with a cold and genuine dread, just as strong and perverse as when you'd tried to shower earlier, or sit on your bed. You can't turn on the tap because then the water will touch you, and it will feel Wrong, and then your whole body will feel Wrong, and then you'll die of Sudden Onset Wrongness. And now that you think about it, a lot of your anxiety today has revolved around water, and isn't that a symptom of rabies? Hydrophobia? Did you get rabies somehow? Would you know if you had rabies? Maybe that's the thing that's wrong with you- you're not depressed or insane or just a terrible person living a terrible life. You're just rabid. There's something eating your brain, and that's what's making you into such a fucking failure of a person.

While you're debating the possibility of brain-eating viruses, Chan comes home from work. You automatically turn towards him, a bright smile on your face, and rush to greet him.

"Hey, Channie!" you say, bouncing over to him with a pep you do not feel. "I'm so happy you're here!"

And you are, mostly. You love your boyfriend, really you do. He's loving and attentive, and he's never made you feel like anything less than the number one priority in his life. You have similar values and work ethics, which keeps you on the same page through most difficult periods in either of your lives and careers. You haven't been together long, but your bond is solid, and you really believe you're going to make it far together.

You also really believe you won't if he ever finds out what a complete nutcase you are. So you hide it. You grin at him and you appear light and joyful and easygoing and you brush off his concerns with adages and placations, and you redirect the conversation back to him, because you're a good listener and you love the sound of his voice and you much prefer that activity to any activity that involves you explaining how you laid on the floor for five hours and had an emotional breakdown while slicing cabbage. He has other things to worry about, other problems to solve without adding yourself to the list. You're supposed to be his respite, not another draining task. He doesn't need to know how hard it's been lately. You shouldn't have to say it.

So he doesn't. And you don't.

"Hey baby," he says. He sets his stuff down and kisses you in greeting. "How was your day?"

"Okay," you say. The answer feels curt, but you don't want to ruminate any more on your absolutely fruitless afternoon.

Chan doesn't comment on your strange answer. He takes his shoes off and hangs up his coat, and as he's about to walk past you he spots the mountain of dishes in the kitchen.

"Oh, were you about to do the dishes? I can do them if you'd like."

"You just got home," you protest. "You should go sit down."

"But you've been standing just as long cooking dinner, right? I should do my part."

His insistence is making something terrible expand in your gut. Instead of being flattered at his offer to help, his words feel like a violent condemnation. You should've done the dishes before he got home. You should've finished cleaning the kitchen altogether, so that he can relax in a clean environment. What kind of stupid fucking girlfriend are you, where you can't even do basic chores around the house?

"No, it's okay. I already psyched myself up to do them, so I'll do them."

Chan hums in a tone that's either playful or mocking, you genuinely can't tell which. "Okay, if you say so. Don't be afraid to tap out if the dishes get the better of you."

Great. He thinks you're so stupid you couldn't do the dishes if you tried.

You subtly regulate your breathing as you turn towards the sink. Chan disappears into the apartment out of view, and you give yourself thirty seconds to push your freak-out as far down inside you as you can.

"You're not an idiot, y/n," you tell yourself. "You can do some fucking dishes."

You reach under the sink and pull out some disposable plastic gloves. They make your hands look weirdly swollen and unfamiliar, as if they aren't your hands anymore. For a bizarre moment, you're convinced that they're genuinely not, that someone else's hands have been put on your body. You close your eyes so hard sparks fly in front of you.

Stop being crazy. Do the fucking dishes.

You turn on the water and pick up a bowl.

Chan reappears. You flash him a smile, but say nothing. Chan grins back, all dimples and crescent eyes. He's so handsome it makes you want to rip your own skin off. You thank God every day that you were born beautiful, because you could never have caught his attention with your personality alone. He'd be completely out of your league, and honestly, maybe he still is.

That thought gets shut down and pushed away. One crisis at a time. You don't have hands and you might have rabies, but you definitely have a boyfriend who loves you. There's no point in kicking yourself while you're down.

You turn back to the sink.

You cannot do these fucking dishes.

"Work was funny today," Chan says as he moves over to the stove and opens the pot.

"Mm?"

"Just some technical issues in the studio. Nothing serious, but it gave us some good bloopers."

You pick up a glass cup. You can see your reflection mirrored back at you in the curve, and your eyes are so wide. Have they always been that wide? Are your eyes drier these days than they normally are? You can't tell, because every part of you feels both dehydrated and submerged under water.

"This is really good, babe," Chan says.

You blink. "What?"

Chan holds up his bowl. "The stew. It's great. I told you it would be delicious."

You let out a pleased sound. "Thank you baby. Your encouragement really motivated me."

It was the wrong thing to say. You have no idea how, but from the way Chan's expression changes slightly as he looks at you, you know he's caught on to you acting weird.

"Is everything alright?"

Shit.

"With me? Yeah, I guess so. I've just been really tired lately."

"On the job hunt?" he asks sympathetically. It's like a stake in your heart.

"As always."

He wraps an arm around you and presses a kiss to your hair. "Don't worry, baby. You're super qualified in your field. You'll find something soon."

You need him to stop touching you or you'll start throwing pans at the wall.

"I hope so," is all you say.

"I know so. Just keep faith."

You hum again, noncommittal. It's like you're slowly losing the ability to speak. And the gloves are too tight and the water is so loud and you're nauseous and your head still hurts and it's probably not even the stress, it's probably the rabies, it's turning your brain into swiss cheese as you speak.

After another tight squeeze, Chan lets you go and retrieves his bowl from where he'd set it down. You hope he might leave you to go eat in the living room, but instead he hovers on the opposite side of the island, and continues telling you about his day. Normally, you'd love to hear the play by play of every crazy thing that happened with his group members and managers. Today, it's like nails on a chalkboard. The story is endless, keeps weaving around other anecdotes and tangents and you wish he would just shut up for one second so you can pull yourself together but you can't say that, because he isn't doing anything wrong, you're just being crazy, you're a bad and lazy girlfriend and you can't even put your own issues on hold long enough to listen to your boyfriend talk about his day. Everything is wrong wrong wrong, and you're Wrong and something is Wrong With You and it just keeps going it never stopswhy can't it all just stop-

"Y/N?"

Your name sounds like it's coming from a thousand miles away.

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

You turn to look at Chan, see his eyebrows pinched together in concern. You have no idea how long he's been saying your name.

Very calmly, you strip your gloves off and lay them to the side. You turn off the water.

"Sorry," you say. "Give me one moment, please."

You walk past him and down the hall to your bedroom, where you very calmly and gently close the door behind yourself. You climb on to your bed, filthy clothes and all, and pull two of the pillows from the end to rest on top of each other. You tie your hair back with a hair tie, press your face into the stack of pillows below you so that your whole face is covered.

And you just start screaming.

Screaming is therapeutic, apparently. Or at least, it's on the approved list of emotional regulation activities your therapist had given you. As long as you aren't screaming at anyone, it can be an effective form of release. It helps you release the tension from your core and focus that nervous energy into sound and action.

You scream into the pillow as loud as you can. You aren't sure how much it's doing to muffle your sound, but the belief that it's helping allows you to let go. It's tearing at your throat, the intensity of it. Once you start it's hard to stop, you just keep going and going and going, as if you're expelling demons.

When you finally peter out, you pause for a moment, then push yourself onto your knees. You're dizzy. Blood is rushing in your ears. It's oddly hard to breathe, as if you can't get enough air in your lungs. Even the fact of your own body is too much for you. You wish you could abandon it, just for a moment. You wish you could observe this from the outside so that you would better know how to fix it.

Eventually, your breaths calm. The buzzing recedes, leaving room for rational thought. And your chest feels....lighter. No longer is there a bomb sitting in your sternum, waiting to explode. The pressure has equalized. You look down at your hands, fisted in your bedsheets, and they look like your hands.

Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.

You think you can probably do the dishes now.

Gingerly, you climb out of bed and make your way to the door. You open it, prepared to put your smile back on and apologize for your rude exit.

Chan is outside your door.

His eyes are wide with alarm. He looks stiff, hesitant. One of his hands is outstretched towards the door, as if about to knock.

Your face goes blank, wiring short-circuiting as you try to figure out what to say.

"Hey, y/n," Chan says, slow, testing. "Are you okay?"

Your script restarts, and a big smile automatically draws itself on your face. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that. I just got a little overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed?"

"Yeah. It's fine, though. Come on, you can finish telling me your story."

You grab his hand and try to pull him away from the bedroom. He doesn't budge.

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

You turn back to look at him. "Nothing's going on."

"Baby, I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it yet. But you don't need to pretend there's nothing wrong. You don't need to lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"I heard you screaming in there."

Ice flushes through your body.

"Ah. Well, it's like I said. I got a little overwhelmed. I'm not hurt or anything. Sorry if I worried you."

"A little overwhelmed?" He's getting frustrated now, put off by your blase tone. "You look like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"No, I don't," you say, because you don't. You know what you look like when you get like this. You've trained your expressions so well that your face doesn't flush. Your eyes don't tear up. You have to look put together, because if you don't look put together then you can't convince yourself that you are put together.

"Y/n. I know you. I can tell when something's up." He sighs. "I've thought you were a bit distant for the past couple of weeks but I figured you would come to me eventually. But here we are, and you're having an anxiety attack right in front of me and you won't even admit it."

"I'm not having an anxiety attack."

"Love, I know what anxiety looks like. If you'd just let me help-"

"I'm not having an anxiety attack. I don't have anxiety. I would know if I did."

"Everyone has bad days and hard times, baby. You don't have to be defensive. I'm not accusing you of anything."

"You say you're not accusing me of anything after unilaterally diagnosing me with anxiety?"

Chan lets out a long breath. "That wasn't what I meant. I just mean-"

"You can't just assign me disorders when you decide I'm acting irrationally. You don't know my medical history. You don't even know me that well. You don't know if my behavior is normal or not."

"You can't be getting upset at me for 'not knowing you' when it's clear you're actively hiding things from me," Chan says, patience thinning. "I see you're in distress and you're picking apart my wording? I'm trying to help you."

"I didn't say I wanted your help."

"You're my partner! Of course I'm going to help you!"

"You can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because-" You choke on it and slam your lips shut.

Chan's face is drawn in irritation. He makes a go on gesture. But you can't go on. It's like the words are trapped in bubbling tar.

Your silence stretches. Chan sighs and drags a hand down his face in exhaustion. He'd gone out of his way to come visit you and now he regrets it. You've wasted his evening and ruined his mood. It's only a matter of time before he realizes you ruin everything. Hell realize he's drowning in all your mess and decide to save himself, and then you'll be alone again.

You draw in a breath of your own, but you're still lightheaded.

"Why did you invite me over if you didn't want me to see you like this?" he asks finally. "You don't have to see me every day if that's not what you want."

All the anger is gone from his voice. He's being so patient that your own stubbornness is acrid in comparison. You swallow, hard. Every muscle in your body is tense. You have the pull the words out of your throat with hooks, one syllable at a time.

"I wanted to see you," you explain, stilted and pathetic. "I thought I could pretend for long enough."

"Pretend what?"

That I'm not crazy. That I'm not falling apart. That I'm normal and easygoing and a joy to be around and definitely not rabid.

It's impossible to say. You don't know what's wrong with you, but you know that something is. You can't do the dishes. And you can't do this.

Your knees buckle and you sink to the floor of the hallway.

"Y/n?"

You don't respond. You're just staring straight ahead, all your thoughts whirring so fast that you're having trouble parsing any of them.

"Y/n? Hey, baby, sweetheart, can you look at me?"

You blink, and he's in front of you, on your level. He's trying to look calm but you can see the panic in his eyes. It only makes your chest tighter. You're dragging him down, you're cursing him. He needs to get out or you'll have his blood on your hands.

"We need to break up," you whisper.

Chan reels back like he's been slapped. "What?"

"We can't- we need to break up. I shouldn't have invited you over. I'm sorry."

"I..." Chan is at a loss for words. "You don't mean that."

But you do mean it. With everything in your body. "We can't be together."

"Baby, I don't know what you're thinking, but we don't have to break up if you don't want to. I don't want to break up."

You feel sick with his sureness. How can he claim to know you better than you know yourself?

"You don't get it," you say. Your tone is unnatural, words strange on your tongue. "We just can't be together."

"Can you tell me why you feel that way?"

"Just look at me."

"I am looking at you. And all I see is my beautiful, wonderful, perfect girlfriend who is having a very bad day and might be making some hasty decisions."

"Not a bad day. A bad life. I'm fucked up, Chan." The words come out with such a quiet malice that it shocks even yourself. "I can't even do the fucking dishes."

"I can do the dishes, love. I said it wasn't a big deal."

"No no no. It's not about the dishes." You're struggling to explain- the words are getting twisted, the thoughts all merge together- "I can't do anything. It's not about the fucking dishes. It's about- I can't-"

And you burst into tears

"I'm sorry," you say. "I'm really sorry. I just-"

"It's okay," he soothes. "It's okay. I understand now."

He doesn't. He can't, and you know that full well. You shake your head, vision blurring from your tears. You're so embarassed and it's making you cry worse. You think you must look so ugly right now. He must be repulsed by you. You're repulsed by yourself, your own misery making your skin crawl.

"Can I touch you, baby? I want to hold you."

You shouldn't. You'll infect him. You'll ruin him and take away everything that makes him good. Why is he even still talking to you? Why doesn't he leave?

"You don't have to-to feel obligated. I can just- if you give me a second-"

"I don't feel obligated," he says, patient but firm. "I love you. I want to hold you all the time."

Something in your chest cracks. You're so weak. It's pathetic. But you can't hold yourself back anymore.

"Please," you whisper, defeated.

Chan reaches out and pulls you into his arm. You're both still on the ground, but he rearranges you so you can hide your face in his shoulder, and you do, too humiliated by your tears to be able to look at his face. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and your traitorous body relaxes without your permission.

"You've been struggling for a long time haven't you?" he asks. "You didn't want me to pity you."

You don't say anything. You can't bear to.

"Well, I don't pity you. I think you're very strong, trying to deal with this on your own. You made me dinner today even though you didn't really want to, right? That was very kind of you to do. You take such good care of me, baby. You light up my life. Isn't it fair that I should get to take care of you too? Can't I return the favor by helping you now?"

"It's not the same," you mumble into his shirt, because the magnitude of the two asks isn't comparable. You chopped up some vegetables and threw them in a pot. He is witnessing you have a mental breakdown in your hallway. You're not equally yoked. It's too much to ask of anyone.

"Whether it's the same or not doesn't matter. Love isn't transactional. It doesn't have to be equal effort every single time. This isn't a favor I'm returning. I'm comforting you because you're upset, and I hate to see you cry. Do you believe me when I say I want to see you happy and smiling? That I would do anything to ensure it?"

You finally pull away from him, wiping away your tears on your sleeve. "You might have to go find a new girlfriend then," you say, voice cracking from the tears and the weight of your despair.

"I don't want a new girlfriend. I want you." He's hesitant, but he continues. "There are ways of getting help, you know. We can try some things, like therapy, or medication. I can help you. You don't have to feel this way all the time."

You shake your head. "I'm in therapy and on meds already. None of it really....works on me. I have fewer bad days than I used to but they still leave me like...like this. And they just drag on....it turns to weeks and months, and I can't....I can't do anything." You let out a shaky breath and make yourself stop talking. Even after all this, the urge to hold back is engrained in you. "You deserve better."

"I think I decide what I deserve," Chan says. "I know it's hard to open up about things like this, but what's worse than you being depressed is you hiding it from me. How can we work on this if you're pretending it's not real?"

"I wanted to be good for you. I wanted to be...to be easy."

Chan leans forward and cups your face in his hands. He looks you right in the eyes, and you see that they're glossy with their own unshed tears. "I don't need you to be easy. No one is. I just want you to be you. And I want you to let me be there for you. In everything. Including this. I want all of you. Do you think you can do that? Can you try?" He wipes away your tears with his thumb.

You swallow harshly. It goes against everything in you, everything you've taught yourself. Chan loves you. He wants to stay. Even though it may all crash and burn later, even though he might still turn on you or reject you or give up on you and declare this all a lost cause, right now he wants to stay. He believes in you. And you want to hold on to that belief as long as it lasts.

"Okay. I'll try."

A relieved smile stretches across his face.

"That's my girl," he says, and presses a kiss to your forehead. It makes something like pride settle in your chest, as if the part of you that cracked earlier might not stay jagged forever.

"Let's get off the floor, hmm? I feel like you might've spent enough time down here today."

You definitely hadn't mentioned that. Maybe he really does understand more than you'd thought possible. You don't know exactly how to feel about that, but you allow a bit of gratefulness to come through as he stands up on his own and reaches a hand down to pull you up. You wipe your eyes one last time, let out a breath, and take his hand.

[m0llygunn]

friends with b(aby)enefits (eddie munson x fem!reader)

MONTH ONE: Just friends—what a silly concept. After your accident, Eddie's been a full-fledged comedian, ill-conceived jokes left and right... neither of you are laughing though when his 'comedy routine' comes back to bite the both of you in the ass.

cw: 18+!, mature language, smut, pinv sex (unprotected again smh), pet names, vomiting, a lot of pregnancy related topics, potentially dramatized pregnancy symptoms (for the plot obvi, also idk anything about pregnancy), mention of readers period, mention of birth control an: lots of minor time jumps/cuts but we get some eddie pov!!! wc: 8.3k+

0 / 01 / 02 / 03 / 04 / 05 / 06 / 07 / 08 / 09 / 00

Arms wrapped around your waist from behind, both palms pressed flat to your belly.

“How are my girls doing today?”

Comically loud, heavily puckered kisses scattered over the top of your stomach, catching you by surprise— not at all expecting to be ambushed with facetious affection by your friend. 

Eddie thinks he’s a comedian. 

With about a month of his poor taste in jokes, he thinks he’s hilarious— and a self-proclaimed prophet because he 'just knows' that it's a baby girl. He's full of shit and you desperately try to not give him the benefit of finding his terrible jokes humorous. To your demise, from time to time, they get you.

His latest stunt was when he greeted you for your usual Friday get together. He swung the door open quick enough to stun you and immediately dropped to his knees. With a firm hold on your hips, he leaned in close to your belly, “Hi, baby girl. Did you miss daddy?” he cooed with big eyes and an even bigger smirk.

With a hand on his forehead, pushing him away, unfortunately you laughed, and unfortunately it feels like all of his jokes are coming back to bite the both of you in the ass. It’s hardly been 24 hours since the offending, but objectively funny joke, and neither of you are laughing now.

“Maybe you just ate something bad?” he offers with sheer, dumb, hope. “Or maybe it’s the flu?” he says, snapping his fingers together like he struck the gold mine of an idea.

Eddie can be as hopeful as he wants, but as you lower yourself down to the couch from vomiting your insides out in the bathroom, the panic in his eyes is evident.

“Maybe,” you reply dully, dropping your head to rest against the back of the couch. 

“Do you want to lay down? I can bring you to my bed?” he asks with concern lacing his words. 

“I’m—” you start, but with acid suddenly rising in your throat again, your eyes go wide and you jump from the couch with a renewed energy, just barely making it to the bathroom.

────────────

To put it plainly, you vomited two more times after. When you finally felt like you were done throwing up, with an empty stomach and a sore body, Eddie helped you to his bed and you slept off your spell of nausea. When you woke up a few hours later feeling a touch better, both of you decided the best choice would be to buy a pregnancy test. 

“Just to be safe, right?” he had said, eyes burning into you as you laid sprawled across his bed, feeling no longer nauseous, but instead like an empty shell of a person. “We should buy one, right?” he asked again, eyes growing wider in your silence. 

It felt like even moving your sight line to look at him took too much energy, but you met his gaze, and he nodded his head like he had made his own silent conclusion. 

“We’ll go after, okay?” he said, continuing his one-sided conversation. Standing from the edge of the bed he wiped his palms down the front of his thighs before straightening out and rubbing his hand down from his mouth to his chin. He nods a second time, doing what you assume is him coming to another silent conclusion. “I’ll get you crackers?” he continued, eyebrows raised. 

With your eyes locked on him, you swallowed the dryness in your mouth. You hadn’t done anything notable, hadn’t even attempted to answer him, but his face softened, mouth turning into a regretful frown. 

“Sorry you’re sick,” he said, bending down to pat your head, letting his thumb trace gently across your temple. It was a tender movement and you absorbed the warmth of his contact, letting your eyes blink shut. “I’ll get you water too, okay? Water and crackers and we’ll see how you feel after that.”

Eddie’s a lot of things, but nurturing and soft, and with high levels of compassion is not exactly how you would describe him. He can be those things, but principally, he’s more of an asshole— but one that you love enough to keep around, obviously. But an asshole, nonetheless. The last time you had the flu he laughed at you and made fun of the way you threw up, albeit, it was when you both were in your teens, but regardless, he was a dickhead about it— and most recently, when you had gotten a cold, he ceaseless made fun of your constant sneezing and the blazing red tone of your sore nose from blowing it so much, calling you Rudolf and asking how ‘Big Red’ was doing at this time of the year. Asshole.

Dichotomously to the Eddie you’ve known all these years, he grazes the backside of his knuckles across your cheek, rubbing them back and forth gently. It's painfully obvious he doesn’t do this often from the way his hand jerks, finger nearly poking you in the eye, but you appreciate the notion. You know you must really look awful if he’s managed to compose this much compassion for you. 

────────────

They say that nothing makes people more productive than the last minute. As the pharmacy's closing time approached, it was only then when either of you felt so inclined to even mention going to get the test.

After Eddie got you your water and crackers, you started feeling much better, and feeling much better meant it was easy to pretend like nothing had happened. You both unhealthily and aggressively ignored your potential futures by acting like it was any regular Saturday evening. You talked about your upcoming work week, and watched the usually shitty reruns on TV. Eddie made some freezer-burnt chicken nuggets, you warmed up some soup, and it was boring and uneventful, but it was the most comforting that boring and uneventful could be. 

The sun began to set and it was like the ticking of Wayne's alarm clock on the coffee table beside you only got louder and louder as time went on. 

“S’almost eight,” Eddie had eventually mumbled. You swallowed, keeping your eyes on the TV as you found this particular old rerun episode of Mama’s Family to be the most interesting thing in the world, which is odd considering you usually change the channel whenever it's on. 

With both of you sitting at the couch, feet kicked up, resting side by side on the coffee table, Eddie moves his foot far enough to just barely knock yours— an attempt to pull your attention away from the screen.

“The show’s almost done,” you say, turning your head towards him but keeping your eyes on the TV.

“The pharmacy closes at eight.”

“I feel fine,” you shrug.

Moving your feet from the tabletop, Eddie copies you, putting his feet down on the floor, but he goes a step further, sitting up from the couch. He stands, facing you, but you keep your eyes on the TV, ignoring him fivefold. He props his hand on his hip, arm bent at the elbow, one foot tap away from looking like someone's mother. You ignore him tenfold. 

“You want to stay here while I go?”

“Go where?”

“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” he laughs. You can hear the amusement in his voice. His hand drops from his hip and you look at him to see the smirk written across his face.

“Go where?” you double down. Huffing a laugh from his nose, he turns, opting to get himself ready, and begrudgingly, you do too. With your feet dragging through every step, you get in the car, and Eddie drives the two of you to the pharmacy. 

────────────

Under the bright, white fluorescent lights of aisle number eight, you and Eddie stare your potential future down. An unnerving amount of tests sit on the shelf at eye level, some with cute little daisy packaging, others looking sterile and pharmaceutical. 

“Why are there so many options?” Eddie asks, picking one up and flipping it to read the back. You look at the price tags and your mouth nearly drops to the floor. 

“Why are they so expensive?” you ask, taking the box out of his hand and putting it back on the shelf.

“Hey,” he objects, reaching out for it. “That one says response in twenty minutes.” 

“That one is, like, twice as much as that one,” you argue, pointing to another test.

“Yeah,” he says, grabbing the test from the shelf. “That one says a two hour response,” he continues, pointing at the exaggerated font on the front of the test in his hand, waving it in your face. “I’d rather be shitting my pants for twenty minutes than two hours.”

He’s acting normal, braggart and teasing, you can’t muster that same energy. Your stomach swirls and squeezes and does everything it shouldn’t do. Nerves or nausea, you’re not sure. A ceiling light flickers two aisles over and you can’t stand being here.

“Maybe…” you pause. Your hands start to turn clammy. “Maybe we shouldn’t get any,” you say, shifting in place. You turn to fully face Eddie, looking at him as he has a boxed test pulled close to his face, reading the side of it. “Maybe we should just go home.” 

Eddie turns to you, brows furrowed. “No— what? You just spent the whole day throwing up, we gotta get something,” he says, looking at you like you’re insane. The ceiling light flickers again and you definitely feel insane. 

It wasn’t the whole day, it was just the morning, you nearly object until you realize it doesn’t help your case. 

Bringing your hand to your mouth, you chew on the edge of your nail, distracting yourself from the tremble in your limbs. From left to right and back again, you flutter your sight over the different options. There’s too many. Too many and it’s overwhelming. 

“Hey,” Eddie says softly. The weight of his arm settles around your shoulder, pulling you so that your bicep meets the edge of his chest in a half hug. “Don’t be nervous,” he continues, in a low coo. You step inwards, turning the half hug into a full hug. Taking a deep breath, all you can muster is a short nod of your head. 

His arm moves from your shoulder, hand grazing down to your mid back. Focusing your attention on his touch, you take another deep breath, inhaling his familiar scent. Smoky, woodsy, and a contradicting sweetness from whatever shampoo that was probably the cheapest and on sale.

“We’ll be fine, remember? You probably just ate something bad.” he says. He rubs his hand up between your shoulder blades and back down. You want to believe him, you really do. 

“I’m scared,” you say quietly.

“Why?” he asks, voice just as small as yours. 

“It… it doesn’t feel like I ate something bad.” You swallow down the jagged edges of emotion that your voice gets stuck on. His hand, mid rub, pauses and you pull away enough to see him. His eyes glaze over with something you’re unsure of before he quickly blinks it back. 

“Well…” he swallows. “What does it feel like then?” he asks, brows turned upwards. He's nervous, you’re nervous, and the light flickers again, reminding you where you are. 

“Can we go home? Please.” Your nerves become far too jittery and it’s starting to turn into nausea again. Your stomach lurches and Eddie watches you for another moment, eyes searching yours until he nods, patting your back before pulling away.

“Yeah. I’ll just buy this one and we can go.” He takes your hand in his, twenty-minute-test in the other, and he guides you to the front of the store. 

────────────

“It’s almost nine now, so it’ll be ready at…”

“9:20,” you say when Eddie takes a concerning amount of time doing the math. The ride home was quiet. Being out of the fluorescence helped your nerves, and as you got further and further away from the pharmacy, and closer and closer to Eddie’s place, you started to feel normal again. 

“I knew that, I was just… thinking,” he responds. He sits up from where he was crouching in front of the dresser, using it as a table to put together the test. 

Decidedly, it was just nerves that had put you on edge, that’s it. The test is nothing but precautionary, just to rule out what could have made you sick. Eddie joins you, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“Uh— before, we get a response,” he pauses, wringing his hands together. His eyes move down to his lap and your chest tightens. “I just want to say that whatever it is… I don’t regret what we did… and whatever it is, I’ll be there… for my girls.” 

He looks at you, his smirk widening by the second, and you can’t help the snort of laughter from escaping. Like every other ill-timed joke that he's pervasively told over the last month or so, he gets you, and you appreciate it this time as it lessens the gnawing feeling in your belly.

Despite the joke, when you really look at him, with his lips spread in a smile, his eyes swarm with the same trepidations that you feel. He’s a comedian but even the comedian is human. You try your hand at lightening the mood. 

“What if it’s not a girl?” you ask, playing along. He smiles, bumping his shoulder into yours as he huffs a breath from his nose. Shaking his head in an almost mirthful way you think you were successful until his demeanour drops into something serious. 

“What did you mean earlier?” he asks “When you said that it doesn’t feel like you ate something bad?”

“I just— I don't know. I just, I thought I had a feeling,” you explain. Eddie hums, eyes now set forward on the test. “I think I was just nervous, that’s all.” 

Twenty minutes has never felt longer. Eddie accepts your answer at face value but doesn’t do much to show it. He doesn't do much in general, and neither do you. At the ten minute mark, his hand found your knee. At the fifteen minute mark you were curled under his arm, resting your head on his chest as he rubbed up and down your arm. In the last minute, you had taken his hand in yours, playing with his fingers as you watched the seconds tick by on his Casio watch. 

21:19:59 turned to 21:20:00, and you turned to Eddie. Synchronously and in silence, you parted from each other. He stood and you sat. He moved to the dresser, and you held your breath. 

With his back facing you, you watch with unblinking eyes as he reaches for the instructions. Humming to himself, your lungs ache. You try to parse the meaning behind his tone, or vibration, or pitch — or anything that could give way to what he's seeing, but it’s far too vague. Taking a deep and vital breath, filling your choking lungs, you're just about to ask, mouth already open when he speaks.

“It says negative.”

“It says negative?” you parrot in disbelief.

“Negative.” Eddie firmly answers.

There’s no way. You should feel a weight lift from you, but, evident avoidance aside, that feeling is still there, stronger if anything.

“I…” you start, interrupting the loud beat of silence. “I’m not saying I want to be pregnant… but I think it’s wrong, Eddie.”

“Wrong? How could it be wrong?” he says, turning around to look at you. 

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “Aren’t they, like, only guaranteed to work like 95% of the time?”

“That’s still a lot of the time,” he says, copying your shrug.

“Yeah… but—” you shake your head, stopping yourself. This is what you wanted right? Why would you fight against the answer that you mostly hoped for? That you were already certain about in the car barely an hour ago. “Whatever. It’s probably right. I think… I think I’m just… tired.”

Eddie nods, agreeing with you. He turns enough to set the test down, abandoning cleanup for another time— gross, but when he asks you if you’re going to sleep over, you willingly ignore the unsanitary act of leaving a used pregnancy test to sit and simmer bacteria growth. 

“You gonna sleep here?”

“Can I?’

“Of course,” he laughs.

────────────

If it were a peaceful morning, you would have woken up to the warm, red tinted sun coming into Eddie’s room through the maroon coloured bed-sheet-turned-blinds. 

If it were a peaceful morning you would have woken up to shared warmth, his arm just barely tossed over your hip, hand resting in the dip of your waist. 

If it were a peaceful morning you would have been able to bask in the meaning of having him beside you— what it meant beyond just shared warmth, what it meant beyond friendship. 

If it were a peaceful morning, oh, if it were a peaceful morning…

If it were a peaceful morning, you wouldn’t have woken up to rising bile in your throat and your heart hammering in your chest. It's not a peaceful morning, it's a race against time. With your hand cupped to your mouth, ripping yourself from the shared tangled sheets, tripping your way to the bathroom over the crap on the floor, time almost wins. 

You made it by a stroke of luck with not a second to spare.

────────────

“It must be the flu,” you had croaked weakly. Eddie nodded, looking at you with tired eyes that had been startled awake by your fumbling and awful retching.

“Yeah, it’s definitely the flu.” It was not a whole hearted agreement, but there was no way any bad food would still be in your system. And with a negative pregnancy test, the flu is the only answer. Obviously.  

The next day, in the quietness of your apartment, you kept a preemptive bowl next to your bed, just in case.

Thank god you did because it was the worst it’s been yet, and with your temperamental luck, you would not have made it to the bathroom this time.

────────────

“Hello?” Eddie answered from the other end of the telephone line. 

Your untouched breakfast sits on the table as you stand in front of your wall-hanging phone, leaning against the counter to stop yourself from keeling over entirely. 

“It's me.” 

“Oh, hey, didn’t think I’d hear from you so early, what's up?” His near chipper attitude is grating and if you could strangle someone through the phone you might have muscled up the last of your strength and considered it. 

“I’m still sick.” If you sound as awful as you feel, and equally as annoyed, it's because you are every terrible emotion in the dictionary. You are the essence of a bad mood, a side effect of how sick you’ve been.

“Shit—” he cursed. “I have work in thirty but I can stop by after?”

“Yeah, you already told me you were working,” you snark, because obviously he has work. It’s Monday.

“Do you want me to stop by after?

“I'm just telling you that I’m still sick.”

The call lulls and you can hear a slight rustle from the other end.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because you’re sick and I feel bad,” he says, voice turning up like he's asking you if that is an alright answer. It’s not, and you twirl the phone cord between your fingers, distracting yourself from scoffing and saying something you know you’ll regret. 

The call lulls for another moment and he clears his throat, coughing right into the receiver. 

“Uh— aside from being sick… everything else okay?” he asks tentatively, pausing too frequently that it annoys you, even more so than you already are.

“I’m fine, I just feel like garbage.”

“Nothing else bothering you? I have a minute, we can talk?”

“I said I’m fine.”

“You’re— and don’t bite my head off— but you’re not on your period?”

“Why would you ask that?” You meet his stupidity with a harsh and rightfully deserved defensiveness. “Don’t you think I would tell you if I was? You know, all things considered.” 

His voice raises as he comes to his own defence. “Well, I just thought… 'cause you thought that maybe there was a chance that the test was wrong, but then we agreed it wasn’t and…”

“And?”

“And you’re in a bad mood.”

You hang up the phone and when it rings again, you let it. 

────────────

Eddie spent the whole day being eaten alive by his thoughts. You said you had a feeling, and Eddie knows you well enough to know you wouldn’t joke around about stuff like this. He would, he has, but you wouldn't.

Since the moment you told him that you weren’t on birth control, he had been thinking about it. Hypothetically, having a kid with you wouldn’t be the worst. He’d actually… like it… maybe? Would he say that to you? No, but it's not an awful thought.

Sure he made jokes out of it, but that was just his ill mannered way of accepting the fact that he kind of, maybe, potentially, would like having a kid with you… and being more than just friends. But he could never tell you that, so he made stupid, stupid jokes. 

But now that having a baby with you is less hypothetical, he’s fucking scared. Not because it’s with you, but because he might be having a fucking baby. That’s terrifying in and of itself. 

When you first started feeling sick, he let himself really believe for about an hour that maybe you had eaten something bad, but in his heart of hearts, he knew. There was no way. Four weeks and 3 days after he came inside you— not that he's keeping track of the days— and you’re suddenly experiencing ‘food poisoning’, even though you didn’t eat anything particularly abnormal or poison-like?

You’re pregnant. So fucking pregnant. There’s no way you’re not. 

“Hey, Bill. You have kids, right?” Eddie had asked as he sat down at the break table with one of his more favourable colleagues. 

Bill, more or less his mentor— or more eloquently put, the kind soul that's been helping him work his way up to being an actual mechanic and not just the guy who cleans and sweeps up after them like he’s been doing for the last year and a bit. He’s an older gentleman, doesn’t do much small talk, is in a permanent old man bad attitude, but he’s a good guy— reminds him of Wayne at times. Eddie trusts him enough, especially not to go talking about him around town. 

“Uh-huh. Grandkids too,” he answers, barely looking up from his newspaper. Eddie knew this of course, but he couldn't think of any other way to approach the topic. 

“Right, sorry,” Eddie apologizes, wringing his hands out of nervousness and dragging out the point of interrupting Bill’s lunch break.  

“You gonna be a father?” Bill asks bluntly.

Father? Eddie's familiar with a particular ‘F’ word, uses it way too fucking much in fact. Father, on the other hand, is an ‘f’ word that was barely in his vocabulary, he could go weeks without letting that word pass through his thoughts, let alone it being a descriptor of his very own character. 

Eddie’s eyes widen, mouth dropping open as his breath stutters like a kid getting caught red handed. “No.” he stumbles to answer. “Uh— maybe. I don’t know. We don’t know.”

“So what are you askin’?”

“Your girlfriend— uh, wife—”

“Wife,” Bill answers with an annoyed ring to it. 

“Right, your wife… What was she like when she got pregnant?” 

Bill shakes his head, ignoring the question. “Did she take a test? They have those now. Can buy ‘em at the store,” he gruffs.

“We did, but it was negative. She… she said they’re wrong sometimes though, and she thought that… she thought that maybe it was wrong?”

Bill sets down his newspaper, the edges of both his fists meeting the surface of the table top. He looks to Eddie, catching his flighty eye contact, giving him his full attention.

“Morning sickness?”

“She’s been sick the last couple of days.”

“Hormonal?”

“Hormonal?” Eddie asks, quirking a brow. Bill rolls his eyes, not unlike how Wayne has done time after time.

“Bad mood? Mood swings?”

“Kind of?”

“I won’t go into detail because I respect my wife,” Bill says, eyeing Eddie through slanted eyes. “Any changes that aren’t to do with her mood?” he asks, looking down the slope of his nose.

“Huh?” Eddie thinks hard, trying to decipher what Bill means. Bill gives Eddie an encouraging nod that quickly turns short-tempered.

“Her body? Any changes?” Bill grumps.

“Oh.” Eddie’s eyes go wide. “Uh— I don't know. She’s not really my girlfriend, we’re just friends.” 

“Just a friend you got pregnant?” Bill’s near-permanent-scowl breaks into a smile, lips turning at the corners in a sadistic way, eyes gleaming with taunting amusement. Eddie feels his palms start to sweat. 

“So you think she’s pregnant?”

“I think you’re up shits creek with a turd for a paddle, kid. Gettin’ a friend pregnant,” he scoffs, shaking his head as he laughs to himself. He fixes his newspaper back upright, picking up where he left off in the classifieds. 

“Well, we’re good friends. I— she… we—” Eddie thinks about telling him that it’s you— Bill knows of you. Eddie’s talked about you enough, but he bites his tongue for the same reason that he didn’t go to Wayne about this— it would be all, ‘just ask her out’, ‘quit pussyfootin’ ‘round it,’ but he doesn’t get it, he can’t just ask you out. He—

“You like her more than a friend.” Bill says, making Eddie freeze. He opens his mouth to speak, to deny, to confirm, to anything, but nothing comes out. “Oh you got it bad, huh?” Bill continues with a teasing smile.

“C’mon, it’s not—” Eddie tries to object but Bill sees right through it. 

“You love her?”

“I…” Eddie swallows, thinking over his answer. “I don’t know…maybe?”

“Well, you got an interesting journey ahead of yous if she really is pregnant,” he laughs again.

And with that entirely unhelpful conversation, Eddie spent the rest of the day not only ruminating on you being pregnant, but now, his feelings for you as well. 

────────────

After work he went straight home, showered, got redressed in sweats and the cleanest shirt he could find and beelined straight for your apartment. He made one quick stop at the pharmacy but quicker than even he anticipated, he was at your front door. 

He knocked, and then there you were, opening the door for him, not exactly smiling— but not looking angry either, or sick, which is a good start.

Greeting him with a quiet ‘hello’, you opened the door wider. He stepped into your apartment, and like he mentally rehearsed, he leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek. Before he could look at your reaction, he turned, hiding his face behind the curtain of his still damp hair, and kicked his shoes off. 

He’s just trying to get back on your good side. After this morning— your bad mood, and then him only making it worse by asking if you were on your period, which he knew you weren’t because you said that it's been weird since you stopped birth control but… yeah, he’s just trying to get on your good side, definitely not anything more than that. 

Clearing his throat and praying his cheeks aren’t as flushed as they feel, he tries to move on. “How’re you doing?” he asks. You spare him, and you don’t mention the kiss nor give him any weird reactions— which is good, right? You would tell him off if you didn’t want him to kiss you, right?

“I’m doing fine now,” you reply, turning to lead him to the kitchen. He follows behind, humming an acknowledgement. At your counter is a full, waiting dish that looks like and smells like spaghetti. You sit back in your seat, and he takes the one next to it, putting his brown shopping bag down in front of him. 

He watches you as you bring a forkful of your dinner to your mouth. “You’re eating, you must not be feeling sick anymore?”

“No, I stopped feeling sick around lunch and then I was starving,” you say through a second mouthful, swirling your third bite around the fork. 

“Nice,” he nods. Eddie’s not sure of much, not now, hardly ever, but you feeling better around lunch means you only felt sick in the morning, and you being sick in the mornings falls exactly under the conditions of morning sickness… and that means…

Swallowing down his thoughts in a thick gulp, he reaches for the pharmacy bag. “Well, I bought another test just in case,” he rushes out quickly, moving to take out the good part of his shopping haul to lessen the blow if the test somehow pisses you off. “—and I also bought you—”

“Liquorice! Oh my god and popcorn,” you say excitedly, interrupting him with the loud crinkles of you grabbing for the package of candy, quickly ripping it open. 

Eddie watches you closely, the way your eyes light up for some of your favourite foods. He was taking a risk, buying you snacks when he knew that you’ve been sick but it was that or flowers and flowers seemed a little too… forward?

Your reaction to the snacks though, it’s not abnormal, but it’s not exactly normal either… a bit too… ravenous? To be fair, you were sick and now you’re feeling better, maybe you are just extra hungry…. But then again, there's also your bad mood earlier and sure you felt like shit from being sick, but you were usually pretty happy whenever you talked to him. He wasn’t used to all of these… mood swings.

Symptom after symptom, his thoughts finally bubble out. “I think you should take the test again,” he says, interrupting you as you rip open the bag of popcorn. You pause and he holds his breath.

With a shrug, you resume your movements, reaching into the bag and grabbing a handful. “But I feel fine?” you say, waving Eddie off.

“I think… maybe just in case?”

“Here, sit down, I’ll get you some spaghetti,” you ignore him, standing from your seat. “It’s so good, I swear. This is my second plate full.” You grab a dish from the cupboard, serving some up from a pot on the stove top without waiting for a reply from Eddie— not that he had one, he was too stunned by your unconcerned mood to think of one. 

Adding a slice of garlic bread to the side of the dish, you place it down in front of him, quickly moving back to your own seat to dig into the popcorn and finish your own meal. 

“You didn’t go to work today?” he asks after mumbling a polite thank you.

“No, I called in. When I got the promo, I got like six extra sick days, plus vacation time, so I figured I might as well use them,” you shrug indifferently.

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, taking a quick glance at you before looking back to his plate of food, moving his fork around the plate absentmindedly. “Do you happen to have… better insurance with your job now?” he asks, attempting to match your aloofness.

You pause your fork before shoving it in your mouth, opting to turn to look at Eddie. He purposely avoids your eye contact, continuing to swirl his fork in his food.

“Why?”

“Just curious,” he shrugs. “Whenever I get my promo—” he pauses. “—if I get the promo, Coop gives out some shitty insurance plan. Was just wondering what you were getting these days,” he continues nervously.

“I have insurance.”

“Good.”

“Why’s it good?” you ask, squinting your eyes at him.

“Is it not good? You get sick, you don’t have to pay as much— I think that’s objectively good.”

“Fine,” you relent. You stare at him for another moment, but when you finally go back to your food, Eddie lets out a long breath that he was holding in before going back to his food.

He finishes his plate while lost in a daze of thoughts. There’s no way you weren’t pregnant. Absolutely no way. He doesn’t know much about pregnancy, that’s for sure, but this is checking off every single box in his very limited knowledge of symptoms. 

He only withdrew from his head when he felt you staring at him yet again. You had pushed your plate back on the counter, head resting in the palms of your hands as you watched him intently with a particular glint of something in your eyes, something that he’s only seen two other times.

“Hi?” he says shyly, cheeks tingeing pink. 

“You kissed me on the cheek when you came in,” you state.

“Yeah, I did,” he nods, cheeks deepening to crimson under your close watch. 

“Do you want to stay the night?” you ask, stretching your leg out under the counter, running your foot along his shin.

Eddie chokes on his food before looking at you with wide eyes. Elbow bent to cover his mouth as he clears his throat from his sputtering, his eyebrows raise high, hiding under his bangs as he works through your suggestion. 

“Like stay the night or just stay the night?” he asks, eyes burning into you out of shock. 

“I just kept thinking about before… and, you know…” you say, shrugging, hooking your foot around his calf.

“So like, stay the night?” he asks, eyes glimpsing down at your outstretched leg. 

With a sly smile, you nod your head making Eddie’s eyes grow even wider.

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m really sure.” 

Eddie takes a final bite of his food before pushing back in his chair. You excitedly stand, taking Eddie’s hand and leading him to your room. 

Maybe it’s a stupid thing to do when you’re both still up in arms about being pregnant, but Eddie would be a fool to say no to you. He physically couldn’t, has never had it in him. It doesn’t help that he really likes you and might potentially love you. And after all, he’s just a simple man. 

────────────

“Harder.” 

Your desirous voice echoing off of wallpapered bedroom walls, airy moans embellishing every thrust, Eddie does his best to give you what you want. Round two and countless of your orgasms later, you’re still begging Eddie to keep going.

Round one was fantastic. Sincerely earth shattering and left him winded and full heartedly wishing he took up track in his freshman year instead of smoking cigarettes. 

The night started with you riding him, insisting that he laid back, and who was he to say no to that? He watched you intently, grasping at your hips with each rise and fall, feeling the way your body nearly trembled over his own as you made yourself feel better and better. He was completely enamoured by the way your mouth rounded into a perfect oval, the way your eyes welled as you rose up and down, enjoying yourself truly and utterly. Then, when he took over, you were begging, whimpering, and moaning for him. He swore he had never came that hard in his life. 

With the long day of worrying and his stress induced sleepless nights wearing on him, he was nearly nodding off when you were on him for round two. It was exciting— you needing him like this, and his cock was kicking up again before he could process it. 

You came again, adding another tally to the growing tab of how many times you’ve come tonight. This time, you were on your hands and knees, back in a deep arch as he watched the recoil of your ass with each of his thrusts. 

The only thing on his mind was you. How you felt so perfect around his cock, how pretty you sounded whining and begging for him to keep going, how beautiful you are, and how badly he just wanted to keep making you feel good, but then it was like a switch flipped in his head. 

He heard it once, how pregnant women would sometimes get really horny. Insatiably horny— and you just kept asking for more, begging for him to keep going. You were cumming and still managing to ask him to keep going. He had never had sex like this before.

His skin that had grown damp throughout the night, covered in a permanent sheen of sweat, now drew dry, just like his mouth. His thighs burned, his calves begged for a break, his balls were aching from staving off his own release, and now there was very little uncertainty in his mind that you weren’t pregnant. 

Mid thrust, you clench around him, stealing his already stolen breath, pulling from his meandering thoughts. He refocuses his gaze on the bounce and jiggle of your ass and the sweet noises singing from your lips before letting his palms slide down the slope of your arched back, giving himself better leverage to keep going. 

There's no doubt in his mind that he can finish this round. Not only would he feel like an asshole if he tapped out now, but he would also feel like the biggest idiot because this has been it for him. This is the orbiting thought in his mind, the exact scenario that he conjures up in his imagination during his alone time. 

Swallowing thickly and taking an open mouth breath, he moves a hand from your back to wrap around your torso, finding your clit with his finger tips. “One more. Gonna give you one more, pretty girl,” he rasps, voice horse and ragged from his near panting. Your back arches even deeper, hips pressing back into his as you let out a wavered moan. 

“Feels so good, Eddie. Love your cock, feels so good,” you cry, taking heavy, moaning breaths between words, your voice staggering with each of his thrusts that push you further up into the mattress. 

“Mhm, know you love it, baby. Sucking me right in, n' so wet for me," Eddie says through exasperated breaths, words coming out babbled from his focus on not cumming as your walls squeeze him harder and harder.

“Want you to cum inside me again,” you whimper out. Eddie doesn’t answer, he just thrusts harder, rolling his hips against your backside, making you moan louder and giving you the last of every ounce of energy he has left in him.

When he feels your pussy start to flutter, tensing, and pulsating around him again, he knows you're close.

“Gonna cum for me, baby?” he breathes, voice only getting lower and more ragged from the absolute marathon of a night.

“Gonna cum, Eddie.” Your voice rises so high in volume that Eddie's certain your neighbours can hear. 

“Cum for me baby, wanna feel you squeeze my cock one last time tonight,” he grunts, starting to feel delusional with the way his head spins. He grips his free hand on your hip, pressing his fingers into your skin and grounding himself to you, trying to push away some of the daze to think clearly. 

Eddie feels your tightness pulling him in almost immediately. He holds off his own release for as long as he can, bringing you through your orgasm until he can’t take it anymore. He pulls out just in time for his own release, sending his cum spurting over your lower back as his chest practically explodes, burning lungs having all the air expelled from them in a wheeze as he stutters through his orgasm. 

After taking a few, long moments to catch his breath, he reaches for the same towel he used earlier, wiping you clean before falling to your side feeling absolutely exhausted.

“Wanted you to cum inside,” you say pitifully, cuddling closer to him.

“Can’t, you're not on birth control, we didn’t have a condom.”

“You did it before,” you pout. 

“Yeah.” Eddie says, exhaling deeply. 

Yeah and now he's 99.9% sure you’re pregnant. 

“It’s late, got work tomorrow,” Eddie says, eyes unwillingly fluttering closed as you push your way closer to him, pressing your bare chest to his, speckling gentle kisses along his neck.

“Are you sure?” you ask, pressing another kiss to his skin. He barely has the energy to respond and you deflate against him with a sigh.

“Baby,” he coos, frowning when he looks at your lower lip jetting out in a pout. As much as he’d love to keep going, he physically could not go for another round. His cock might let him despite it feeling nearly raw from all the friction, but his aching body definitely would not. “Let me just hold you, okay? We can cuddle,” he offers to try to fix your frown. It only works the slightest bit, relaxing the crinkle in between your brows.

He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his hold. You let out a quiet whine at first, clearly upset, but you eventually relax into him, melding to his side. It’s not long before Eddie’s out cold, completely wiped clean of energy. 

────────────

You woke up, ripping yourself from Eddie’s grasp, hand over your mouth, rushing for the bathroom again. Eddie follows behind you, barely alert, but at your side, rubbing your back.

When you were certain everything inside your stomach was gone, you sat back, leaning against the edge of the tub.

“Think I should take that test.” 

“Yeah, I think so too.” 

────────────

With the anticipation of waiting another painstaking twenty minutes, you sit on the ledge of the tub in your bathroom, watching Eddie’s back as he tinkers with the test again. The tailbone pain from sitting on the ceramic edge is nothing compared to the swirling nausea growing from your nervousness.

He had sat with you for a few minutes like the last time, but got up halfway through to get you water. He dallyed in the kitchen for a few minutes, and it was far too casual for you, especially too casual for the dramatic dungeon master himself. It was almost unnerving. 

At the fifteen minute mark, he sat with you again, throwing an arm around your shoulder, and you couldn't help but nuzzle into him. If his casualness was him disguised his nervousness, he doesn’t let on. 

This time, at the twenty minute mark, his watch beeped the grating default Casio alarm, and with the chime of a button being pressed, he stands, turning his back to you as faces the vanity. You don’t follow him, you couldn’t at this point, you feel welded to the tub ledge. 

Unlike last time, he doesn’t look at the instructions. He doesn’t hum. He doesn’t make any noise, he just turns to you, his body blocking the test. You feel your heart rate pick up, but he doesn’t give anything away with facial expressions or body language. 

His mouth opens, he takes a breath, you hold yours once again. 

“Well…” he starts. “You were right.” His tone is flat and you blink, trying to clear your confusion.

“I was right?” 

“Yeah.” he shrugs. “About the last test being wrong.”

“No.” 

“Yup,” he affirms, putting a plosive pop at the end of the word. Too casual.

With your heart pounding in your chest, thumping miles in minutes, you couldn’t process this even if you wanted to, so you don’t. You deny it. 

“You’re lying,” you state, ending your words with a light huff of laughter. Surely, this is all a joke. Eddie’s a comedian, right? Ill-conceived jokes left and right over the last month, this has to be one of them.

He doesn’t smile. His eyes don’t light up. He doesn’t laugh. “Come look,” he says, beckoning you over with a tilt of his head. 

You sit up from the ledge of the tub, moving to stand next to Eddie at the counter. He pulls out the instructions, pointing to a diagram.

“If the liquid turns blue, that means pregnant."

You look at the test, not bothering to look where Eddie points. Blue liquid sits where any other colour should be.

“It’s blue,” you state.

“Pregnant.” 

Pregnant.

The moment is eerily still. In the movies this is where the happy couples jump with excitement. In TV shows, they call family and let them know their good news. In commercials, they celebrate. They hug, they smile, they cry happy tears together. 

Eddie’s your best friend, but you’re not a couple, this wasn’t planned. So you both stand in silence, staring at the positive test.

“What do we do?” you ask, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“We could go get something to eat? I can call out and we can rent a movie or something?”

“Something to eat?” you laugh. It’s positive and he’s thinking about eating?

“Yeah, you should try to eat something,” he shrugs, turning to look at you. 

“Eddie. I’m—” Pregnant, you go to say but the word dies on your tongue. “Why are you not freaking out?” you say, staring at him with wide eyes trying to understand how he’s not affected at all by this. You’ve known Eddie a long time and he’s not exactly the calm and collected type. 

“Well…” he shrugs. “When you said that you thought the first one was wrong, I trusted you more than the test. Believe me, I’ve been freaking out, but now… it’s, kind of, settled in already, I guess.”

“Settled in?” you say, jaw dropping in shock. It’s your body, you were mostly certain you were pregnant— in denial at times, yes, but you knew, yet having it confirmed is still shell-shocking. How has it already ‘settled in’ for him?

“Yeah,” he shrugs. “If you want to keep it, I’m happy. If not, I’ll support you.”

“Happy?” you say, bewildered. 

“Well… yeah. We’ve... we've been friends forever. A kid that’s part you and part me? That’s fucking awesome, how could I not be happy, y’know?” he says, moving backwards to sit on the ledge of the tub. He leans forward with his hands on his knees, watching you with eyes that are too calm. Too, too, too calm about this. 

In your quiet mental chaos, you take a final look at the blue liquid before moving to sit next to him. Your skin prickles with cold shivers but you feel hot all over, like there's a flame of nerves in your belly and a hot air balloon in your chest making each breath feel laboured. 

“I’m…” you stumble over your words. “I— pregnancy is so— Eddie,” you breathe out. Your eyes inevitably start to water.  

“Pregnancy is so Eddie?” he laughs before turning towards you, noticing your eyes turning glossy. His face drops immediately, features turning soft as his brows turning up in concern. “Hey,” he hushes. “It’s okay. We’ll be fine, remember? Everything will be fine,” he assures you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder again, bringing you closer to him in a hug. 

“I know, I just—” you force a breath in your lungs. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“You can cry, it's okay,” he says quietly, and unfortunately, each of his nearly-whistled, whispered consonants pulls out a wave of fresh tears from you. His hand rubs over your shoulder and your cheeks only grow damper. “It’s okay to cry,” he repeats and you press your face to the cotton of his shirt. He pulls you in tighter, rubbing your back in long, steady strokes. 

Eddie’s seen you cry more than a handful of times— more than several handfuls of times, but this is substantial— it just feels different. Different because you’re pregnant. You’re going to have a baby. A baby with Eddie. Your best friend Eddie. Eddie, who you’ve had sex with three times. Eddie, who you’ve known forever, who you’ve spent day after day with, as a friend. Friends. You’re pregnant. Holy shit. 

Your mind races and you divert your thoughts before you stray down that road. “It’s gonna be half you and half me,” you say, mostly to yourself, repeating his earlier sentiment. 

“Half you, half me,” he echoes. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and yeah, this is different— different because Eddie doesn’t kiss you on the top of your head. He doesn’t give you kisses on the cheek either. Eddie’s given you noogies, he’s butted foreheads with you, even flicked you on numerous occasions, all particularly during your shared middle school years, but kisses? Kisses are unheard off. What you guys have been doing lately is unheard of. 

“We had sex and now we’re having a baby,” you state plainly, trying to bring any coherency to the situation, desperately needed to hear the unheard of.

“We did and now we are,” Eddie laughs. 

“You came inside me and now there’s a baby in there,” you continue, hearing every syllable of your own voice.

“That’s—” Eddie laughs quietly again. “Yeah, that’s how it works.” 

“I had morning sickness.”

“Yes you did. And mood swings.”

Pause.

“No I didn’t!” you gasp, pulling back from Eddie to look at him with a scowl. 

“You kind of did,” he smiles, dimples set deep in his grin.

“No, I didn’t.”

“You were also insatiably horny. I was getting leg cramps all night because of you,” he says, bopping your nose, making you scrunch it. Asshole.

“I was not ‘insatiably horny,” you scoff, rolling your eyes.

“Well… if it’s any consolation, if you wanted to have sex again, I could cum in you now, ‘cause you can’t get any more pregnant than you already are,” Eddie says matter-of-factly, purposefully batting his lashes, playing up a faux coyness just to get a rise out of you. Such an asshole.

You respond by hitting him in the stomach, followed by pushing him until he almost falls into the tub, grabbing onto the shower curtain to stop himself. 

“Hey— hey, you were the one asking for it!” he defends, corners of his lips turned up in an untimely smirk. 

“I’m never having sex again,” you shriek, burying your face in your hands. 

“Well, let’s not make drastic choices right now,” he says amusedly, bringing you back in for a hug.

“I’m serious. Never again. Not with you, not with anybody. Ever.” 

“Let’s just get some fresh air, maybe we’ll start thinking straight about this,” he laughs, pulling you to stand up and guiding you out of the bathroom.

Pregnant.

tags: @princesatracionera @venuslayla23-blog @mastermindmiko @tlclick73 @yujyujj @josephquinnsfreckles @uselessnewt @animechick555 @prestinalove @sluggzillaa @daisyridleyss (if you want to be tagged for the next part I kindly ask that you please reblog!)

thank you for reading! <3

[luimagines]

Undivorcing by Twilight

Another commission!

Same concept as the other one. A 'fix it fic' for the Divorce Headcanons for Twilight which you can reader right here!

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

“Can we talk?”

Those were the first words you’ve said to him after nearly a year of total silence on your part.

Instantly, his heart in his throat and his stomach has fallen through the floor. Link thinks he might vomit. He’s got half the mind to lurch over and slam the door in your face as he attempts to collect himself. 

The bout of instant dread is worse than if he was punched in the gut. Instead of slamming the door in your face like he wants to, he finds himself frozen. He’s back where it all started, in the kitchen with a piece of paper in your hand as you read out loud all his faults and sins. Every piece of evidence that equivocates him to a bad husband in your mind comes back to the forefront of his as he stares at you.

You’re staring right back at him, fidgeting your hands nervously like you were asking him to a first date instead. You gulp and rub your palms down your shirt, running your hands through your hair soon after.

Frankly, you look horrible.

Matted hair, dark circles under your eyes, holes on your pants and stains on your shirt. You look thinner than before and you’re certainly paler than how he remembers you- what happened to you?

“Link, please?” You gulp again, hugging your arms around your chest. “I- I know you have every right to slam the door in my face, and I have no right to ask this of you. …But I just… I couldn’t not do this.”

“You want closure.” He assumes and takes a deep breath. The knot in his stomach only gets tighter, but he wants to think he does a good job of keeping the way he wants to cry off of his face. He thought he was doing better. He thought he was getting over you.

One look at you and his armor shatters into oblivion. 

“Well… yes and no.” You try to correct him. You shrink down on yourself and struggle to meet his eyes. The shame is clearly written all over your face.

“...What do you mean by that?” Link lean on the door frame. The angle makes his look angrier than he feels, colder than he bleeds- he’s just using it to make sure he doesn’t fall to your feet.

“I was just…” You bite your own tongue. With the way you wince afterwards, Link is tempted to assume that you’ve made yourself bleed. “I wanted to apologize. You deserve an apology. I was a monster. A cold hearted serpent with ice in my veins.”

You take another deep breath and force yourself to look at his face. You open your mouth but no sound comes out. Link can see you struggle to keep eye contact but he’s afraid to show the same amount of vulnerability.  “...I’ve missed you.” You gulp. “I… I was wrong. I shouldn’t have asked for the divorce. …I want to start over.”

Start over? Something cracks. Twilight isn’t sure if it was his heart or his mind but it allows him to stand up straight and meet your eyes with a gaze he’s never directed at you before.

You can see the storm you start and pre-emptively flinch, taking a step back. “Link-”

“You want to do what?” He says quietly.

It sounds like cannon fire in the otherwise quiet corner of the village.

Link runs his hand through his hair, choking on the laugh that tries to leave his lips. He can feel bouts of hysteria begin to build within him. Are you serious? Do you hear yourself right now? Couldn’t you hear yourself the day you read out loud the list of why you wanted to leave him?

But isn’t this what he wanted? Didn’t want you to get back together? Hasn’t he missed you too?

No. Not like this. Somehow this feels like an even worse scenario than he thought it would be. 

Link takes a deep breath, dragging his hand through his hair again and down his face. He inadvertently claws at his skin, leaving angry red lines on his cheek. He gets off of the door frame and moves away from the entrance, beginning to pace in the house, your house.

“Do you-?” He speaks, cutting himself off as he turns back to you. “Do you have any idea how long I spent waiting for you?”

That is not what he meant to say. Link has no idea why those were the words that left his mouth when that wasn’t remotely on his mind. He takes another deep breath, rubbing his cheek in an attempt to get his head back on straight. He can’t afford to let you in so easily. That’s how he got his heart broken by you the first time.

You begin to cry. “I don’t. But I can guess. I’m sorry, Link. I’m sorry. I know you loved me. I know I was the one that ruined us. I ruined everything. I know it’s my fault.”

You take a deep breath, smothering the tears over your cheek in your attempt to wipe them away. You smear dirt on your skin. Link has never seen you this filthy. You continue talking, keeping your head hung low in shame. “I know I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve a second chance. I know I hurt you. I hurt you badly. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I’m sorry. Please-”

Link says your name softly, choking on his own spit. “Where did you even go?”

“Far.” You admit without missing a beat. “I couldn’t stand the looks that the village gave me when they learned I was leaving you. I already knew that if they had to pick, that they would choose you over me. I knew that. I still did it. I was still bracing myself for it but I couldn't take it in the end and left Hyrule.”

You hiccup. It sounds pathetic. “I went to Hebra for a while. I didn’t go to Castle Town because everything there reminded me of you as well. Your stupid hero’s legacy is imprinted everywhere you look… It’s not stupid. I’m sorry. I know it was hard for you.” You wipe your face again, getting it dirtier. “I stopped by wastelands for a month when I was feeling my lowest. The whole time I wanted comfort and a hug and someone to talk to and found myself looking for you when you weren’t there.”

Link clenches his jaw at the sight of you. He’s adult enough to recognize that he’s never hated you for what you’ve done to him. He could take the humiliation, the multiple hits to his pride and his heart and the echoing silence that now fills the house you once shared. But he could never hold onto the thought of something happening to you. He always prayed for your safety, your health and your wellbeing.

And he’s never been able to stand your tears.

Sighing, he steps closer and reaches his hand out, intending to wipe the mess you’ve made on your cheeks. You take a step back, hugging yourself close and shrink into a small ball of shame and self loathing.

“Don’t cry.” He says instead, placing his hands on your shoulders to keep you in place this time. He wipes the wet streaks from your face with the backs of his fingers. “You’ve always kept your head held high. Don’t stop now.”

“No.” You shake your head. “Don’t-.. I don’t-”

“Shhh…” He says, tucking your hair behind your ear. “If you’re expecting me to start yelling, stop it. I don’t want to get loud.”

You gulp, sniffling and whimpering pathetically as you struggle to keep yourself from crying some more. “You should. I’d deserve it. You can yell at me if you want.”

“But I won’t.” Link pulls you closer to him and against his better judgment, begins to lead you into the house. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. You can tell me the whole story when you have decent clothes on and some food in you.”

“Link-”

“This way.” 

He leaves no room for argument, pushing in the direction of the bath with a towel and some spare clothes of his. You don’t ask if there’s anything of your clothes left in the house. Of course, he knows where they are, but he doesn’t want you to know that he didn’t bother to toss them out. He put them in the corner of the closet where no sunlight, moth or dust could touch them.

He’ll wash them later and give them to you.

While you focus on cleaning yourself and getting all the dirt and grime off of your body, Link decides to fight off the building panic by making Yeto’s soup. Cheese, milk, pumpkin- does he have everything?

The smell permeates through the air quickly, filling the home once again with comfort and warmth despite the unforeseen circumstances that had brought you back to him. He’s not sure if he should be grateful to the forces that may be, or if he should tear his heart out for a second time before it can be trampled on for old time’s sake. 

You emerge in an old shirt that Link isn’t sure where it came from and with pants that clearly do not fit you. Then again, why would they? They’re also his.

You look a lot better. You took the liberty of using his comb to tidy up your hair while all your new lines and edges of your face highlight just how not well you’ve been doing. You’re no longer crying at least. The dirt is gone and your skin has gotten a little warmer in tone, no doubt from the warm water.

The soup is almost done at least.

“Link-”

Link says nothing, pointing to the table for you to sit down.

You look over and notice that there’s still two chairs on a very empty table. Head down, you wordlessly go to sit down at your old chair and make yourself comfortable. Or at the very least make yourself as physically comfortable as you can be in a moment like this.

Within minutes, Link walks over with a steaming bowl of soup and places it in front of you. Without another word, he walks to the other side of the table and takes his place on his chair. He leans back against the back of it and crosses his arms. “Eat.”

You gulp, your mouth and throat feeling incredibly dry since you’ve arrived at the old house you’ve once shared. You take the spoon and very slowly begin to feed yourself the soup that Link has offered you under his supervision. It’s weird. You feel conflicted. It’s awkward and tense.

Link takes a deep breath, relaxing enough that you won’t know the difference if you were to look up and see him. He feels better to see you eating. The bruising under your eyes hasn’t gone away but surely it would look better after a good night’s sleep.

The pregnant silence weighs heavily on the both of you. The only thing to keep it from stagnating is the quiet clinks of your spoon against the bowl and your collective soft breaths. 

“...Were you serious?”

Link surprises himself by speaking first. You almost jump from the sudden sound but manage to keep your reactions to yourself.

A sniffle. A nod. “I understand if you don’t want me back. I was so-”

“Stay then.” He says, gulping down the emotion that threatens to override his reasoning. “...If you truly think we can still work-”

“You’re going to forgive me?” You say breathlessly. You don’t believe him. “After everything?”

Link bites the inside of his cheek but nods.

“Why? Why give me another chance to mess this up?”

“...Because I still love you.” He whispers.  “Stay.”

Tears pour over your eyes again.

“...I will.”

[jaysgirlx]

Hey sweetie, I’m feeling like I need a Jason fic where reader doesn’t like to be touched but he makes her feel safe enough that she gets used to him. Would that be something you’d write? I hope you’re having a wonderful day/night 😘😘

jason wasn't exactly a touchy man himself, he'd set a lot of boundaries as he grew older but he felt different when that came to you. he had the urge to want to hold you constantly but he quickly learned you weren't fond of that. there were too many mental scars that had yet to heal.

the two of you had been sitting side by side on his couch and he slyly tried to put his arm around you. you flinched and moved away quickly, and then came the word vomit.

"i'm sorry! it's really not cause of you- It's hard for me to- i just cant- it's okay if you don't want to hang out again after this, i just- i'm sorry!"

you were panting and trying to explain yourself because this wasn't his fault, this was a boundary you probably should've said earlier but you didn't. you were scared of losing jason too quickly because of your own issues but you were an idiot for thinking he'd leave like that. he was much better than that and he showed you exactly how.

when jason first realized that you weren't yet comfortable with him touching you he tried his best to make your dates and hangouts still romantic. instead of cuddling, he'd put pillows in between the two of you and you'd lay on them almost as if you were on him.

or when you two went out for walks he learned to wear long-sleeved shirts so you could hold onto his sleeve rather than his hand. it did take time to get used to but jason didn't see it as a burden he saw it as another way for him to show his love for you.

he found you the cutest when he'd be kissing you and you didn't know where to put your hands so you'd panic and grab onto his clothes. he knew you wanted to touch him but he wanted you to feel safe enough to make that first move and you eventually did.

"i swear it's not you or anything i just not comfortable being touched yet…i've had things happen to me and i just need time to feel a bit safer"

jason understood how you felt and respected it. he'd wait years if he had to, as long as you were with him, he didn't need much more. though your comfortability came much sooner than he thought.

it started off small like when you began to slyly slip your fingers into his and hold his hand. he won't deny that he actually blushed a little especially when you kissed him on the cheek goodnight. he knew he was probably touch-starved but he didn't realize how much he was missing without your touch.

you even started cuddling him during your movie nights and laying your body on his. and it was then that jason knew you felt comfortable with him. you finally felt safe.

things moved on a bit fast after that, your very gentle make-out sessions with jason became rough and needy. you'd dig your nails into his back while deepening each kiss more. your hands are roaming his back, trying to figure out what feels good, or what feels right but jason doesn't care. that fact that you're touching him is all that matters. that fact that you're comfortable is all that matters.

did jason dream of touching you constantly? absolutely! but would he have waited centuries to do so? only for you.

jason was in love with who you were and being able to touch you had nothing to do with that. this man fell in love with your personality and the love you were willing to give him and that was all he wanted.

"m'sorry for making you wait so long jaybird" you whispered while jason lips were busy kissing and biting your neck. he left a train of hickeys, hoping you wouldn't be too mad once you'd seen them, since you were quite focused on your current conversation "i know i'm a lot of work"

"good thing i'm a hard worker sweetheart," he said, while placing a hand on his hip and gently caressing your waist with his thumb. jason had started doing this,whenever he could tell you were overthinking or maybe overwhelmed. he was good with words but he knew how to soothe you "as long as you comfortable baby, then that's all i need"

you were all jason todd needed, he’d never admit it but he could love you from afar and still be happy because you'd be his and to jason that was all that was he really wanted.

for you to happy and safe with him.

[moonstruckme]

Dude since you asked about tasm peter request, I have one

What about a sick reader? Like the reader really sick but peter have to be spider man so will he leaves reader or the other way?

Thanks for requesting!

cw: mention of vomit

tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 584 words

Peter regrets leaving you the second he gets back. You’re not where he left you in bed, but the room smells of vomit and cleaner as he climbs in the window. He sets the gatorade he’d picked up on the way home on the nightstand. A quick search finds you in the kitchen, leaning both arms on the counter and your forehead on the microwave. 

“Hey,” Peter says, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your middle. He leans forward to kiss your cheek. It burns under his lips. “What’re you doing out of bed?” 

“Just getting water,” you sigh, taking one hand off the counter to rest it on his forearm. He’s still in his suit, and the nail of your pinkie finger skims over the slippery fabric. 

“You looked like you were about to have a nap.” 

“I started to feel weird,” you admit, “so I took a break.” Peter hums, easing you back so your weight rests on him instead of the microwave. You sigh. “I threw up again.” 

“I know, bub.” His thumb strokes your abdomen over your pajama shirt. “Do you feel any better now?” 

“A little, I think,” you say optimistically, though the way you sag against him tells a different story. 

Peter turns you in his arms, grabbing your water with one hand and supporting you with the other as he walks you back to your bedroom. Your nose wrinkles. 

“Do you smell that?” you ask.

“Nope.” Peter lowers you onto the bed, where you quickly curl up as a chill takes you.

“Good. I sort of…there was an unfortunate situation earlier. I didn’t quite make it to the toilet.” 

“Mm. Did you clean it up all by yourself?” 

“I’m not three,” you remind him. 

“I think being this sick gives you the right to act ten and under.” He strips out of his suit, throwing on pajamas so he can flop down next to you on the bed. He touches his cheek to yours. “You’re a furnace, baby. We can just stop paying the gas bill if you’re gonna be heating the place up like this.” 

You roll your eyes good-naturedly, moving away from him. “You’re gonna get sick doing things like that.” 

“Don’t care.” He smooches the side of your nose. “Didn’t ask.” 

“You’re so sweet to me,” you snark, rolling over so he has to lift his face from yours. Your cheek rests on his bicep. You clutch the covers to your chin despite the heat radiating from you, and Peter brushes an errant strand of hair from your forehead. “You don’t want this, trust me.” 

He softens. “I can tell.” He smooths his thumb over your temple, relishing the way your eyelashes flutter as you try to keep your gaze on him. “I brought you some gatorade,” he says softly. “Do you wanna try and drink some of that for me, or do you need to rest first?” 

You hum, the sleepy sound its own answer. “I think I should wait a little bit.” 

“M’kay. We’ll get some crackers or something in you when you wake up, yeah?” You hum. He pauses. “I’m sorry you’re so sick, bub.” 

“Yeah,” you mumble, voice already stretched with sleep, “can’t believe you’d do this to me.” 

Peter cracks a smile, nudging your forehead with his nose. “Shut up, you know what I mean.” 

“It’s not so bad. Thanks for being with me.” 

“Where else would I be?” 

“Dunno,” you murmur, fading fast, “but thanks.” 

[thezombieprostitute]

Trick for a Treat

A/N: Written for @yenzys-lucky-charm and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork's Horny Hoes Hootenanny using the prompts:

🍁 "I'm gonna make you mine"

🍁 "Will you quit acting like I have the plague?"

🍁 fantasy/supernatural AU

🍁 praise

🍁 meeting a demon/ghost/witch on All Hallows Eve

Word Count: ~2.9k

Warnings: DARK FIC!! Coercion, Forced submission, Mind control, Noncon. Please let me know if I missed any!

The company Halloween party was in full swing and you were determined to enjoy yourself. You weren't really one for dressing up, but you wore some accessories and wanted to take part in some of the games. Really you were happy to get time out of your department, away from your boss and his attempts to win you over with his "so pathetic you have to love me" ploy. You'd tried to bring it up with HR, present your case, but it didn't get anywhere. Andy stayed just on the legal side of things so your only options were either find a different job or just endure.

You're enjoying some of the hot apple cider when you see him. Your smile drops and you move to another area of the building. He follows you, keeping you moving until he finally catches up, giving you nowhere to leave.

"Will you quit acting like I have the plague?" he gripes. "You don't have to keep running from me."

"Will you accept that I'm not interested in dating you?"

His face hardens, "why not? What have I ever done to turn you away?"

"You don't take 'no' for an answer. That should be reason enough!"

"Not when you can't tell me why you said 'no' in the first place," he growls.

"I don't owe you an explanation!"

His jaw tightens as he leans in far closer than you like, "I'm gonna make you mine. And you will love me for it."

You start to retort and push him away but then his eyes darkened. Literally, they turn black, causing you to freeze, oddly mesmerized by them. He smiles and you find yourself unable to turn away.

"I got a present for you," he whispers, his voice sounding almost otherworldly. He opens up a jewelry case and you see a cutesy, pink butterfly collar necklace. It's the sort of thing you would normally scoff at, especially after Andy's continuous comments about how you'd look so cute if you wore more pink. Instead you're frozen, unable to even blink, still mesmerized by his eyes.

He tells you to put the collar on and you can't help but comply. Internally you feel like you're trapped in a dream, limbs sluggish, voice not working. You clasp the necklace on and it's like you're frozen in place. You can't even struggle for control anymore, cut off from your own body.

Andy's eyes return to normal and he takes a minute to catch his breath. "You took up a lot of power, Butterfly, but I should've figured as much from you." He place a hand on your cheek, you're unable to stop him, to pull away, to do anything. He smiles smugly, "I knew I couldn't use that spell on you forever, so I worked out a little deal to get this necklace for you. It's already working better than expected." He gives you a small kiss on your lips. You want to vomit, smack him, protest in any way, but you can't.

He pulls away, "you're going to be a good girl for me from now on, right, Butterfly?"

"Yes, Master," you automatically respond.

"Good girl," he whispers in your ear and you let out a whine as you feel a jolt of pleasure in your core. He smiles cruelly, "did that make you wet?"

"Yes, Master," you reply, your voice strained.

"Perfect," he purrs. "Now go back to your desk, clock out for the day, and wait for me out front."

"Yes, Master." You're moving before you finished speaking. Seemingly every fiber of your being is determined to be obedient and make Andy happy. Your body is going through the motions while your brain keeps kicking and screaming, trying desperately to make it stop. You must be having some kind of effect given that tears are currently blurring your vision.

Stepping outside, you wait. Andy's car pulls up and he looks at you, expectantly, but you don't move. I was only ordered to wait, you realize. This whatever-the-hell-it-is has limits!

He's clearly realized this as well given that he opens the passenger door from his seat and motions for you to come into the car. Again, your body doesn't respond. You allow yourself a moment of smugness as you see his jaw tense in irritation. He calls for you to join him and your body finally moves as he wishes. At his command you buckle yourself up and he begins driving.

When you get onto the main road you hear the sound of Andy's zipper coming undone. You want to cringe, get away, but you remain motionless. He takes your hand and places it around his half hard member. "Be a good girl and stroke me until I come," he orders, causing your hand to start moving. You're glad you only have to look straight ahead, you don't want to witness yourself doing this.

He starts moaning, "feels so good. I knew you'd know how to treat a man." Your hatred for him is interrupted by his utterance of, "such a good girl." Just like last time, you feel a shock of pleasure, causing you to whimper, your body wanting more. "Squeeze tighter, Butterfly," he whispers. Your hand automatically goes a little tighter but you jump at an idea. He never said how much tighter to squeeze. You're able to get your body to listen and it keeps squeezing until Andy cries out.

"BAD GIRL!" he shouts.

Your body collapses on itself, mouth open in a silent scream. The pain is intense, the worst you've ever felt. It feels like you're being torn apart from the inside. It feels like an eternity passes before Andy puts a hand on the back of your neck, ceasing the pain.

"Have you learned your lesson?" His voice is dripping with anger.

"Yes, Master," you sob.

"Good. Now get back to stroking my cock like a good slut."

"Yes, Master." Your hand gets back to work, and he calms down as he enjoys your touch. You're certain his power over you is making him hard as opposed to your actual touch. His cock twitches and you feel the precum leaking.

"Be a good girl and suck me off," Andy growls. You don't even have time to get the "yes, master" out before taking his cock down your throat. "Holy shit," he breathes. "Should've known you'd be such a good slut for me. Fuck, you feel so good. Gonna have to pull over so I can enjoy this."

You barely notice the car pulling to a stop, distracted by your attempts to fight whatever spell your under. You thought you hated this man before, but now you feel an even deeper rage, accentuated by the taste of him in your mouth. Your anger intensifies as he strokes your hair and repeats, "good girl", making you whine with need and pleasure. He calls himself "daddy" in the midst of his praising and you wish you could vomit. You almost do when he pushes your head down as he comes. You can't breathe but your body wasn't ordered to do anything so you can't fight it and you end up passing out.

You wake up as the car pulls into a garage. Andy looks at you, smile on his face, "we're home Butterfly! Welcome to the rest of your life." He caresses your cheek, turning your face to him, "you're going to make me so happy, aren't you?"

"Yes, Master." Inside you are raging. You've been kidnapped, controlled, humiliated and you can still taste him in your mouth. You decide to lay low and keep an ear out for opportunities to break his spell, or whatever the hell is in this collar.

"Get inside and take off your clothes, leaving the jewelry on," he orders you. Clearly he's being careful with his words.

"Yes, Master." At the very least, once inside you can gather more intel on your options. You remove your clothes, leaving the collar in place, though some of the dangles almost get caught on your shirt.

"And make sure you fold up your clothes, nice and neat," you hear him say from behind you, still in the garage.

"Yes, Master."

Once your clothes are off and neatly folded, your body goes into standby mode again, waiting for the next command. Andy circles you several times. If you'd had any control you'd at leas try to cover yourself. Instead, he's getting to see everything. You itch to smack that smug smile off of his face.

"I can't believe you resisted me for so long," he coos. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, I genuinely tried to go about this the traditional way, but you fought me for so long, I had to go another route." He cups your face in his hands and moves you to look at him. "But we're together now and I promise to make you so happy you'll never want to leave me."

If you had the ability you'd scoff at him.

"Now, let's get you properly dressed up," he sighs as he gropes your breasts. "I have some more appropriate attire for you in the bedroom. Follow me."

"Yes, Master." Looking to test the limits of this magic, you think, I wasn't told I couldn't look around. Frustratingly, your eyes remained locked in place, staring at Andy's back. He didn't say how quickly to follow him, you try. You're rewarded by taking slower steps than you were before. I'm limited by what he says, but I clearly don't have to be told to do things like blink or breathe.

Inside the bedroom Andy moves you to the stand in front of the closet and tells you to stay. "I think you're going to like what I have for you," he grins. "It's nothing like what you normally wear, it's so much better." He opens the closet and you feel a fresh wave of hatred. It's full of dresses and skirts. All so much shorter than anything you'd ever wear voluntarily. "I know I've told you how beautiful you'd look in these kinds of clothes. Maybe once you see yourself, you'll believe me. Maybe even thank me for opening your eyes."

He grabs a pink cami dress with butterflies on it. "I think this will be a good match for you collar. Be a good girl and put it on."

"Yes, Master." The fabric feels soft in your hands. You already suspect it won't fit you properly, clearly designed for someone with a skinnier waist. Sure enough, you can feel some of the seams start ripping as you put it on. Again you let yourself take some joy in the frustration written all over Andy's face.

"Well, we'll definitely have to adjust your diet," he gripes. You feel another wave of rage at his words. You worked hard to be comfortable with your body. You're not about to let this asshole undo all of that because he thinks you should look differently. If you get the chance you'll happily leave scars on face. See how he likes being judged. He does a double take and you wonder if he can see the fire in your eyes. His face hardens again and he growls, "be a good girl and tell me what you'd like to wear."

"Whatever you'd like me to wear, Master." Of course that's why he'd ask. It's a reminder to you that he's in charge.

"Remember that," he glares at you. You're sure it's meant to intimidate, make you feel helpless, but you will never stop hating this man, this creature. He must see the defiance in your eyes because he straightens himself up and says, "bad girl."

This time, you're ready. It still hurts enough that your body collapses on the floor and your mouth opens in a silent scream again. Your body writhes in pain and flails about. He wants to say I'm a bad girl, so I'm going to be bad! Your hand reaches up to the collar and, before Andy realizes what's happening, you rip off one of the dangling gems. The pain is lessened and Andy starts shouting at you to stop, but you've got leverage now.

It takes everything you have to resist him. You don't ignore the pain, you use it to fuel the hatred that gives you strength. He grabs your hand to stop you from removing another gem and you bite his hand, causing him to let go. I'll show you how much of a bad girl I can be. You break off another gem and the pain eases even more. Using the energy from the sudden relief, you push yourself to fully remove the collar. Andy grabs your hands to stop you, hold you in place, but you're so close to freedom!

"You can still be a good girl," he comments. "I could be so good for you." You gather your strength and headbutt him, forcing him to let go, giving you the break you need to remove the damned collar. You lay there for a moment, relieved to no longer be hurting, reveling in Andy's complaints about you breaking his nose.

Your attempts to move are interrupted by someone clapping. Looking up you see what looks like a man with dark brown hair, blue eyes, a pronounced mustache with a good amount of stubble. He's wearing slacks with a button up shirt and tie. Andy looks at him and immediately starts trying to crawl away. You blink and the "man" is next to Andy, holding him up by his neck.

"Well, Andrew, it looks like you didn't keep your end of the deal."

"Please, Walker, I...she...it's..." Andy stops as the other man's knuckles go whiter. You can only imagine the force Andy's being choked with and you're enjoying it.

"Shhh," Walker shakes his head at Andy. "The deal was, I give you the tools you ask for, and break the spirit of the one who fed your hatred. The hatred that feeds me and my power. It would have been a glorious testament to your devotion to master your rage in such a manner. Yet, here we are." Without looking away from Andy, he points to you. "She's nowhere near broken. You didn't even have her controlled for a full day," he laughs. "If anything, she broke you."

Andy's face is a dark shade of red, you think his lips are turning blue, but you can't find yourself able to care. Suddenly he's dropped on his ass, gasping for breath. Walker snaps his fingers and Andy is bound in chains.

Walker turns to you and helps you stand up. He hums in delight as he looks you over. "So much rage. I'm genuinely impressed."

You sneer and back away from him. "You helped him," you snap. "You helped him hurt me!"

"I am a demon, my dear," he grins. "It's what I do. But clearly I chose the wrong mortal." He goes to grab your chin and you pull away, making him chuckle. "Such delicious energy," he comments as his eyes turn fiery. "Let me offer you a deal."

The room shifts and distorts until it looks like you're in an office. Walker takes a seat at his desk and motions for you to sit across from him. Warily you take a seat. You look at Andy who's still chained up and looking very scared and your nostrils flare.

"Mmmmm, such delicious energy," Walker comments. "Now, as for the deal, I'd like to offer you a couple of options. I'm normally not so generous, but you are certainly something special."

"You don't have anything I want," you spit.

He grins, "I have Andy. And I can give you control over his punishment for breaking my deal with him."

"I'm listening."

"Normally I would just offer you the option of being my acolyte. Letting your rage loose on the world in my name and feeding me power through that. But there's something about you that makes me want to give you another offer: Be my bride."

You scoff, "this is a lose-lose for me. Either way all I get is to hurt him while taking on a new 'master'. I'll pass."

"As my bride, you get to hurt him for eternity," Walker counters. "And not just him. All others who have done as he sought to do to you."

That gives you pause. "And if I only choose to be your acolyte?"

"Then you only get to hurt them for as long as they're alive," he explains. "But you will be given the means to hunt them down, trap them, and break them."

"But in both cases, I am bound to you. I appreciate the offer, the compliments, but I'll pass." You look over to Andrew, "I'm not interested in being bound to anyone."

The office disappears and you're back at Andy's house. Walker looks a little chagrined at the declined offer. He hands you a business card, "if you ever change your mind, let me know. In the meantime," he snaps his fingers and Andy is magically moved into a standing position. "I have some business to take care of."

You smile at Andy as tears form in his eyes. "Not quite the metamorphosis you were hoping for, is it?"

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly

[bradleysass]

Butter - word count: 477 - Starchaser - @leeny-leens

James Potter was many things: charming, brave, annoyingly optimistic. But to Regulus Black, he was also wildly ridiculous in ways that defied explanation. Case in point: the current state of their “low-key” date night.

The plan had been simple: a movie at the shabby cinema downtown where the tickets cost less than a galleon. James had insisted on it, claiming it was authentic. Regulus, against his better judgment, had agreed, mostly because he found it impossible to say no to James’s imploring puppy eyes.

What he hadn’t agreed to, however, was the mess currently unfolding in the sticky-floored theater.

“What is that?” Regulus asked, eyeing the Frankenstein’s monster of a “cup” James had placed in the cupholder between their seats.

“It’s our drink,” James said brightly, sitting back and shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “Well, technically, it’s a repurposed popcorn bag. But genius, right?”

Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose. “James. Why does our soda smell like butter?”

“Oh, that’s the best part!” James leaned in conspiratorially. “The butter flavor seeps into the soda. Adds character!”

“Adds vomit, more like,” Regulus muttered.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” James said, nudging the bag toward him. “Come on, try it! Sharing is romantic, remember?”

Regulus stared at the grease-stained popcorn bag, which was now precariously half-full of soda, condensation pooling around its sagging bottom. Against every ounce of his better judgment—but unable to resist James’s stupidly endearing grin—he took a tentative sip from the straw sticking out of the corner.

The taste hit him like a punch to the face.

“James,” Regulus said, his voice flat, “this soda tastes like butter. And shit.”

James cackled so loudly that the elderly couple three rows down turned to glare at them. “It’s an acquired taste!”

“It’s a crime,” Regulus shot back, shoving the bag back at him. “Why didn’t you just buy a proper drink?”

James shifted in his seat, suddenly looking sheepish. “Because, uh… I didn’t want to spend my inheritance on snacks?”

Regulus blinked, momentarily speechless. “You’re joking.”

“Nope.” James grinned, though it was a little crooked this time. “I mean, it’s not my money—it’s my family’s. Feels weird throwing it around, you know? Plus, this way we get to be, like, creative!”

Regulus stared at him for a long moment, trying to decide whether he wanted to throttle James or kiss him. Possibly both.

Instead, he sighed and leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. “You’re an idiot, Potter.”

James, taking this as permission to steal the armrest, leaned against Regulus’s shoulder and whispered, “But I’m your idiot.”

Regulus rolled his eyes but didn’t push him off. The lights dimmed as the previews started, and he couldn’t help the faint smile tugging at his lips.

The soda was disgusting, the theater smelled like old carpet, and James was a certifiable menace.

[eggrollforyou]

First Tattoo

Law x F!reader

CW: sfw, fluff and silliness

Summary: a (not so short- I swear I can't write anything short) blurb about reader being nervous for her first tattoo and asks Law to come to settle her nerves

A/N: thanks for this request @dreamcastgirl99 ! I had fun with it. Especially trying to incorporate the last lines. Every time I get a tattoo I hear it from the artists when I don't flinch 🤣 I hope you enjoy!! 💚

Your mind was made up, you had your tattoo design picked out, you had your appointment set up and suddenly, it was appointment day. Being your first tattoo you were SUPER nervous. It hurts right? It's gotta hurt. How bad does it hurt? Oh my God what am I doing? This is permanent. Do I really like the design we discussed? You think to yourself in rapid succession, biting your nails. Your face and chest feel hot. Your nerves are getting to you, quickly. “L-law?” You cry out, panic in your voice. He pokes his head into the room, “Hmm?” He says your name, “what's up?” his response laced with concern.

“I don't think I can do this. What if I regret this tattoo? It's stuck with me forever!” your voice on the verge of breaking. He chuckles, “It’ll be FINE! What you want is beautiful and you'll cherish it. It's just nerves. Want me to come with you for comfort?” He brushes your hair behind your ear. “Yes, please,” you whisper sheepishly, feeling slightly better knowing he'll be there with you.

You're on the island where you have your tattoo scheduled. Walking to the shop, you find yourself rambling- word vomit, when you're nervous. “They're going to disinfect the area, shave any hair, he'll put the stencil where you want it, and they just follow the stencil. It's really routine. You'll be fine,” Law attempts to reassure you for the umpteenth time. You shake your nerves out of your hands as you stand in front of the shop. “Ok. That sounds easy enough. Let's do this,” as Law presses a quick kiss on your temple.

“Alright, little lady. You ready to do this?” The tattoo artist has your tattoo stencil placed, he's got his gun, needle ready as he looks up at you from his chair. Your heart starts pounding again, you feel it like your heart will burst from your chest.

Hearing only the roar of your blood in your ears, you take a deep breath looking at Law. Your eyes are wide, you're trying to center yourself instead of panicking. He moves his chair next to you and grabs your hand, “You don't have to do this if you don't want to,” he whispers. “Will it hurt?” you ask with a slight tremble in your voice. As he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, you take another breath. “Well, yea. I mean it hurts like hell,” Law was never one to mince words, even with you, despite the softness he showed only to you.

He senses your unease and clears his throat “But the spot you picked isn't super sensitive. Plus, you're YOU. You're tough. I've seen you go toe to toe with the scrappiest pirates in dark, dingy, bars,” he winks. You chuckle with him, taking a breath, and nod at the tattoo artist, “I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.” He presses the needle to start and you twinge in pain, trying your hardest to keep still. It's a strange sensation. Like your skin is being scraped and pinched at the same time. After about 30 seconds you realize This actually isn't as bad as I thought. I can handle this.

You look over at Law and he smiles at you, “See? Everything is fine, right?” He studies your face to gauge where you're at. You exhale a long forceful breath, “Yea, it's actually not as bad as I thought. It was the nerves making it worse,” you chuckle. After an hour and a half, your tattoo is done. The artist moves so you can check it out in the mirror leaning against the wall. “So? How do you like it?” The artist and Law both ask. Your heart skips at the sight and you shake your hands in excitement, “Oh my gosh, I LOVE it! And it barely even hurt!” Law scoffs, “Tch, barely hurt? What are you talking about?” The tattoo artist laughed, throwing his head back, “Women always handle the pain better than men.” You can't help but laugh when you see Law glaring daggers at the shop owner.

Tags: @shy-writer-999

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

[ghouljams]

I used to use c.ai to help me write when I went through a mental block. I didn’t see the harm cause I’d put in my own original characters to “speak” to. I wanted it to be easy and I’d just blab and talk to’em cause I didn’t want to write in my word doc. And then it started becoming more, I stopped writing entirely and stayed on c.ai. It gave me that rush you were mentioning and I couldn’t put my phone down.

It wasn’t until I saw writers talking about how their works were being screened and taken and then used for c.ai that I realized that I was part of the problem. I was one of the reasons why writers works were being stolen and taken and I felt incredibly guilty. Even using my own OC’s, even putting my own works into it, I was still stealing. I was still taking from real authors and real writers just so I could “feel” like I was speaking to my OC’s.

I’m glad to say that I quit and got out of it. I replaced c.ai with hobbies and spent my time creating instead of taking, you know? I still feel bad using it. I write every now and then but it just feels wrong to write now.

I think this shows one of the biggest issues with c.ai and generative ai: you STOPPED creating.

You weren't just stealing from other authors you were stealing from yourself. You were giving your art to the machine and it was grinding that art down to the base components so that it could put a bunch of ground meat on your plate and call it steak. Your art wasn't just being sold to you, but to other people, regurgitated into a slurry that leaves you starving for the real thing.

This is just my own opinion on the niche that "ai as a tool" is filling, but I truly think that this is a symptom of the loneliness epidemic. It used to be that if you were stuck on a story beat or needed to bounce ideas off something you'd go to your friend and word vomit on them until you reached a ping-pong-ing idea nirvana. Now you can just go to a robot and avoid talking to other people(avoid talking to yourself even!) because the robot will give you something that it thinks you might like.

It's nice being able to talk to your OCs, but (and this is truly the best advice I ever received about writing) they're not real people.

I was once at a book reading/Q&A with an author who wrote short stories, and a well meaning student asked him "How do you get your characters to do what you want them to do when they seem so determined to do something else?" And he said, "I don't make them do anything. They're not real, so they feel and act how I write them to."

Writing (any kind of creation) is a muscle that you have to work out in order to use it for long stretches. It hurts when you're not used to using it, and when you've gotten used to a certain kind of dopamine rush or style it feels bad to write. I had a human rp partner that I wrote with for years, I'm talking novel series length roleplays, and when I tried to write for myself it hurt. I felt bad, like it wasn't up to snuff, like I only knew how to write half a story, like they could do it better if I just could hop in a rp with them. It sucked. I wrote a horrible novel trying to cope with my rp withdrawals lol.

Using "generative" ai atrophies your creative muscles. It's not a tool so much as an easy way out. Creating is hard, it just is, it takes a piece of you and puts it out into the world. You don't always see the fruits of your labor right away, and that makes it feel like your effort was wasted, but just because the seed you planted doesn't sprout right away doesn't mean it's dead.

If it feels wrong to write then change how you write. Maybe you should try roleplaying with yourself like I suggested to the other anon. Write like a chat:

Soap: Hello Ghoul

Me: Back off freak.

Bring back the old fanfiction dot net style of authors interacting with characters directly. There's no rules to your art, write in a way that makes you happy because it's your writing and not an ai. Write yourself into your OC's stories as a random extra, write from that perspective. Make up aus for no reason other than you want to. Follow every plot bunny that catches your attention. Put one sentence in your notes app and forget about it. You're building creative muscles, it's not going to feel great, and maybe it'll take a while to get back to where you were before you started using c.ai, but if the time passes anyway then why not try?

[heaven4lostgirls]

Serene living

pairing: Barty crouch jr x gn!reader

word count: 1.2k summary: Barty Crouch Jr loves his girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N loves their boyfriend and after a little conversation Barty gets a little jealous.

a/n: this wasn't requested but I miss writing so this just came to mind as I was listening to music

Barty usually spent the better part of his day slacking off, he would convince Evan to spend their time pranking the first years around them whilst you, Regulus and Pandora spent your time near the black lake talking and reading in peaceful serenity. This was often interrupted by your significant others raucous laughter and him and Evans thudding footsteps. You meet Regulus’ bored expression and Pandora’s dreamlike giggle, and you roll your eyes playfully as your feel Barty fall down next to you and throw his arm around you.

You shove him playfully and whine as he pulls the book you planned on reading out of your hands. “I’m trying to read Barty” your groan only fuels his playful expression as he stands up and starts reading your passage out loud in a dramatic fashion. “His eyes darkened at her lustful gaze- woah what the fuck is this” he cried as he skipped through the pages trying to read your obviously very…fruitful choice of novel.

Your cheeks warm as Regulus quirks a brow over his own copy of what you know to be a well known queer romance with some very descriptive passages. You whine and make your way to stand as Barty continues to parade your novel around the tree you all had been leant against. Barty starts a small jog around everyone in hopes of you not catching up to him and your annoyance turns fond at his sparkling eyes and melodramatic tone as he continues to retell the characters sexual endeavours.

“Wait, how the bloody hell did they get into that position? Love, your book is very confusing” he complains as Evan snorts into his hand at Barty’s inability to understand. You manage to grab the novel from his hand and scowl at him, his playful gaze meets yours and when he sees your little scowl, he makes it his mission to make you laugh instead. He begins to quickly pepper kisses all over your face in hopes of hearing your laughter and he is once again successful in his plan as your melodic giggles fill the air. You can feel the smile on his face as he places small kisses on your neck.

“You two are so cute” Pandora’s sweet voice pulls you both out of your moment as you smile over Barty’s shoulder. “Vomit inducing more like” you hear Dorcas say as she places her school bags on the grass as she lays down. “Thanks Dora, why so salty Cas? Marlene ignores you in class or something” Barty teases and Dorcas throws up her middle finger as she covers her eyes from the bright sun. You laugh as you pull Barty down to sit next to Regulus as you make your way in between in his legs and lean back into him.

“I’ll have you know I had double potions with Slughorn before this break” you all simultaneously wince or negatively react at her statement, Slughorn’s lectures could go on for ages and all of you were accustomed to the few students who had fortunately fallen asleep and not been caught. You sigh happily and snuggle into Barty’s soft wool jumper as you hear Pandora talking to Evan and Doracs about the new crystals she had found in the woods while looking for Wrackspurts.

 You hear Barty hum as his hands play with your fingers before he leans down closer to your ears in order to mumble a question to you “You want to take a nap in the dorm love?” and you mindlessly hum as you think about it, shaking your head you look up at him. “No, I quite like it here, are you tired?” you question him softly and he shakes his head softly as he pecks your forehead. You both tune into the current conversation that’s being had, something about James Potters good looks coming from Regulus and Evans disagreement, he’s more into Sirius to Regulus’ disgust whilst Dorcas thinks Remus is the more attractive Marauder whilst Pandora shyly expresses, she prefers Peter.

They all turn to the both of you with deadly serious expressions that you’re almost scared to find out what they’re about to ask you. “Who’s the most attractive out of the Marauders?” Its Evan that poses the question to which you scrunch your face in an animated thinking expression. Barty answers with zero hesitance “Remus.” He says confidently and you raise your brow at him “You’ve thought about this” you accuse him, and he shrugs with a shit-eating grin on his face. “What? Am I not allowed to recognise the beauty that is Remus bloody Lupin?” he defends, and you shake your head at him.

“James.” You shrug and Regulus meets your eyes with a smirk full well knowing that you both had this conversation before you and Barty had started dating after a couple drinks at a Slytherin party. Barty’s hands tighten around you, and you look up to see his face in a scowl. “What? Can’t handle Y/N having other peoples attention?” Regulus smirks at him in teasing and Barty huffs petulantly. “Why’d you say that” he whines as he pouts down at you. Your laughter makes his scowl deepen further. “So, it’s okay for you to admire Remus’ beauty but I can’t say I find James Potter fit?” you laugh at his pettiness, and he rolls his eyes. “That! Was very different” he points out and you cackle harder.

“Calm down Bartemius, nobody is stealing from your psycho ass.” Evan snorts and you start wheezing as Barty puffs his chest out in what you assume is supposed to be pride “damn right.” He says as he pulls you closer to him. You both often were never found far from one another, Barty was always someone who showed his affection through touch and normally whenever you were in his vicinity he often found his body seeking you out, always having an arm around your waist or your hands interlocked as you both took notes in class.

As you calm down from your laughing fit and the conversation shifts onto something else you see the Marauders make their way towards the black lake as well and without thinking you lift your hand and shout across the grounds. “Alright Potter?” you grin and as he turns around to look for you he smiles and waves at you “Yeah and you?” you laugh loudly as you basically feel Barty’s heated glare “Alright thanks” he nods and makes his way to where Sirius, Remus and Peter are waiting for him. Once he turns back around the group bursts into laughter as Barty scowls at all of you.

[sunny374940]

Feeling better, darling?

This is a little self-indulgent story about Emmrich helping Rook through a migraine.

Here on ao3

Rook was lying in bed, curled up in the tightest ball he could manage. His head was pounding, he was dizzy and his stomach was churning with nausea. He kept his eyes shut tight, as there were sickening spots dancing around his vision whenever he opened them. He had been awake for a long time now, though Emmrich was already gone when he woke, probably going to work in his study. Rook wanted him here, but couldn't get out of bed to go find him. He wanted to at least fall asleep to escape the pain, but he couldn't manage that either.

He pressed his forehead into the mattress to try and alleviate the horrible throbbing ache, but no such luck. He knew what he was in for, it would be hours before the migraine ended, and all he could do was lie there and suffer. He was freezing, having slept only in his underwear, but the thought of having a blanket touch him made his skin crawl, and so he lay shivering atop the bedcovers. At least it was quiet in the bedroom and the curtains were drawn, muting the light coming in somewhat.

His blessings didn't last long, however, as the door opened and Emmrich strode inside.

“Darling, it's nearly noon, why are you still in bed? Did I exhaust you too much last night?” he asked, all cheerful and way too loud, and he drew the curtains open.

Searing bright light hit Rook's face and it burned itself painfully through his eyelids. He cringed away with a whimper and threw his arm across his eyes, but even that small movement made another wave of nausea roll through him. Shit. He really didn't want to puke, especially not in front of Emmrich. He tried to breathe deeply, but it did nothing to keep the bile from rising in his throat. Emmrich at least had the presence of mind to close the curtains again, when he saw Rook's reaction.

“Rook? Dearest, what's wrong? Are you ill?” He sounded so worried. Rook probably looked as bad as he felt, then.

“Migraine,” he whispered between labored breaths, just barely managing to keep himself from vomiting.

“I can try healing-”

Rook interrupted him, desperate to get the words out before Emmrich started getting ideas about using magic on him.

“No magic. Makes it worse.” He remembered all too clearly the one and only time he had a healer try helping him with a spell. He'd spent the rest of that day in such agony that he contemplated bashing his skull open to make the pain go away. Magic really didn't play nice with his brain. He could hear Emmrich fidgeting with his hands, making the bangles on his forearms jingle softly.

“But surely there must be remedies,” he said, tone hopeful, like he would have gone to the edge of the world if he could find something that would help him. The thought was nice, and he almost felt bad for dashing that hope.

“Woke up with it, medicine won't work. Shush. No talk.”

He loved hearing Emmrich's voice, could listen to him go on about his theories for hours on end, but now it was pure torture, the sound stabbing right into his brain like red hot needles. Emmrich really did stop talking, an impressive feat, given how much he probably wanted to interrogate Rook about what he could do for him. Instead Rook felt the mattress dip and Emmrich was hesitantly making his way towards him on the bed.

The idea of Emmrich touching him was appealing, maybe he would stop being so damn cold. Emmrich touched his side gently, oh so careful not to disturb him overmuch, and the warmth of his hand was wonderful, taking his mind off the pain for a moment. Rook wanted more, so he flailed his arm around until he alighted on Emmrich's hand and dragged him forward to lie at his back. He sighed at the heat radiating off Emmrich, the shivers that had been plaguing him finally subsiding. If only his fucking head would stop trying to explode. He tried to stretch his neck to get rid of the painful stripe of stiff muscle that was making the ache of his head so much worse, but the movement did nothing but make his head swim.

Emmrich must have realized what he was trying to do, because he raised a tentative hand, running it along the side of the muscles at the back of his neck, until he found the knot there. He pressed gently with his thumb and Rook almost moaned at the relief. Emmrich then got to work, massaging the tense muscles of Rook’s neck and back and Rook was slowly relaxing under the touch, the pain abating at last. He was exhausted and sleep finally claimed him.

He woke up well into the afternoon, feeling weak and still a bit dizzy, but the pain was gone and he could almost weep with relief. He was warm and Emmrich was still there, cuddled against him, and he had covered them both with a blanket at some point.

“Hello, darling,” he whispered when he noticed him stirring, as if worried that anything louder might set the pain off again. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thank you,” Rook said and he turned over to look at Emmrich for the first time that morning. There was a worried crease between his brows and Rook smoothed it out with a thumb, earning himself a relieved chuckle from Emmrich.

“You stayed with me?”

There was a tinge of disbelief in his voice as he realized that this actually was the first time he didn't have to go through this alone. Emmrich looked almost offended at the implication that he would want to be anywhere else but here with his ailing lover.

“Of course I wouldn't leave you alone in such a state! What if you needed me?” he sputtered indignantly.

“Aw, you're so sweet.” Rook smiled brightly at him, kissing the tip of his nose.

That post migraine exhilaration that always came with the relief of being pain-free at last was settling in and Rook purred happily to himself. Emmrich perked up at the sound, beaming at Rook, glad to see him finally feeling better. Then Rook's stomach rumbled, reminding him that it had been empty since yesterday and wouldn't tolerate this state of affairs any longer.

“I'm starving,” Rook announced. “I need some breakfast.”

“I believe the word is dinner, my dear,” Emmrich said with a smile.

“Whatever, I'm going to the kitchen. Come with me?”

“With pleasure,” came Emmrich's answer. He helped Rook get out of bed and get dressed and together they made their way to find something to eat.

[reidslovely]

She’s Having My Baby (Maybe) Pt. 2

Content Warnings: Mention of pregnancy..duh, throwing up, overall pretty fluffy 

Pairing: Frat! Peter Parker

You ask and I deliver. The pregnancy tests are back and they are....

Please instead of liking/hearting this post leave a reblog and/or comment 

Everything around Peter began to blur slightly as the words fell out of his mouth and the vomit crept back up your throat. You stared at him, tears starting to fall down your cheeks as you swallowed roughly.

“Positive? You..you’re sure.”

“All three…positive.” He confirms looking in the sink and back at you, his hands placed firmly on the sink. “Oh baby, oh baby no don’t cry.”

He’s rushing over to you hands taking your cheeks in both hands, fingertips brushing tears off your cheeks. “Shh..talk to me. Look at me bashful please.” Peter’s touch could always settle you. It was some weird phenomenon that you both discovered a week into sleeping together.

“Where’s ya head hmp? Are these happy or sad tears?”

“Happy…scared. But, happy.” You manage your words out. His ears tingled hearing your heartbeat going back and forth between patterns. “Oh my god what if it comes out with eight legs and four eyes.”

Peter held back a laugh at the pure panic of the thought and nodded. Going through his mental scripts of possible responses before shaking his head.

“I have nothing to say that could possibly make you feel better about that possibility.”

“Oh god.” Peter hugged you tightly, knowing the possibility was slim to none. “I got you.” He was swaying in spot smiling to himself kissing your temple. “We gotta tell May.”

-

To say the days that passed in a weird blur was an understatement, most of your time was spent with Peter. Getting lunch, making doctors appointments, him walking you to and from class. Peter was the most clingy you’d ever seen him. You thought your hormones were only supposed to bother you but it was like Peter’s own senses and sensitivity increased by twenty percent. Which you saw in full when telling May the good news.

“You guys both have class today. What are you two doing here?”

May asked putting her bag down as she came in still dressed in her scrubs. Peter smiled, letting go of your hand patting the spot next to him for May to sit. “What’s going on? I’m nervous”

“We just had something to tell you and we both wanted to be here to do it.”

May’s brow furrowed, her hand searching your hand for a ring before clapping her hand over her mouth. You smiled nudging Peter letting him know the time is now.

“We’re gonna have a baby..she’s pregnant.” Peter says after your encouragement. Tears rolling down his cheeks, it was the first time he had said it out loud. Peter wiped his eyes trying to laugh it off breathing out a small ‘fuck’

“I’m gonna be a grandma.” May says her lips are quivering. “I should be mad..I gave you the safe sex talk but I can't because I’m gonna be a grandma.” May’s voice cracked with joy pulling her nephew..her son into a bone crushing hug. Peter’s joyful sobs could be heard in the hug. You laughed with your hand resting on your stomach.

“How far along are you?” May asked to move over to you holding you in a hug. “That's a Peter question, he did the math to the exact.” You laughed leaning your head on May’s shoulder.

“Three weeks and five days almost a month” Peter smiles sitting on the other side of you.

You and May laughed at the three of you sitting in a hug.

-

The frat brothers were starting to catch on that something was off. Harry especially. He’d passed Peter's room multiple times, the two of you laughing, your shirt pushed up over your stomach Peter’s attention clung to it like he was waiting for something to happen. He’d been pestering Miles, Peter’s freshie, to see if he had spilled any information to him. But he hadn’t, which lead to Harry cornering Peter himself.

“You guys okay? You’re acting weird.” Harry asked Pete one night outside of a party. He had noticed how you hadn’t had a single drink and how Peter had his arm placed around your waist territorially.

Peter took a long drag of the cigarette passing it back to Harry. His lips fought the smile but his joy betrayed him. “I’m sworn to secrecy.”

“I hate you, fucking tell me,” Harry whined holding his hands out dramatically to his friend. You stood in the doorway laughing, walking towards Peter. “Just tell him Pete, he’s a uncle he has to be prepared.”

“What?” Harry stated looking between the two of you confused before his eyes widening. “I fucking knew it..”

“No you didn’t” Peter laughs as he and his best friend trade a hug. Harry engulfed you in a hug, picking you up slightly in the hug. “Easy, don't jar the baby.”

“You guys are having a baby?”

Miles yelled out as he walked out the back patio. Peter laughed and tilted his head back over his shoulder. “Come on, join the celebration.”

“You know now that he knows the whole frat is going to find out by the morning.”Harry teases the freshie leaning his arm on Miles' shoulder who awkwardly laughs.

“I know..” Peter laughed, his hand resting on your waist, thumb stroking your hip.

“You worried about a…”

“Superhuman pregnancy? Absolutely I’m not sure how we are gonna play it off. I’m waiting to hear the heartbeat any day now.”

“You guys have been hooking up forever I’m sure you can pass her off as further along.”

You nodded, resting your head against Peter’s shoulder closing your eyes as he practically held you up. “I’m gonna get these two to bed and I’ll be back down.” Peter says putting his beer down and turning you around.

-

As Peter helped you change and got you into bed you smiled peppering his face with kisses any chance you could. “Pregnancy has made you so clingy, bashful.” Peter teases laying next to you hand rubbing small circles on your stomach.

“I know, I’m sorry.” You laugh laying on his other arm turning to look at him. You open your mouth to talk but Peter shushes you, hand from your stomach clapping over your mouth. “I hear it” He says excitedly. “I can hear it, it's small but…it’s there.”

“The heartbeat?” You ask as he presses his ear to your stomach. You felt jealous that Peter could hear it, this one moment you cursed that you weren’t bitten by a radioactive spider as a teenager. You’d have to wait a couple weeks till your next appointment before you could hear it.

“I need you to tell me if you’re a boy or girl.”

“They can’t hear you yet!”

“She has a heartbeat at only three weeks who's to say she doesn’t have ears by now.” Peter says kissing you and your stomach excitedly. “I gotta go tell Harry and Miles.” He says flinging himself out of bed and running out of the room.

-

It took a month before the whole frat and your friends found out. Miles did his best to keep it in for as long as he could but he and Harry had gone in together on the first baby present and instead of getting it shipped to May’s like they had planned Miles kept the delivery address as the frat house and when the baby carrier showed up on the doorstep he had outed the secret to Joey and James, who then proceeded to tell the other brothers. The word spread around your friend group so fast that you and Peter couldn’t even stop it before getting greeted with hugs and congratulations. M.J. and Betty calling you immediately to verify the information.

Which made walking into the common room of frat and everyone sitting around less awkward coming back from your doctor's appointment. “This is not a baby shower.” James says, putting his hands out. “But we wouldn't do something nice for our friends and our newest little brother.”

“Or sister.” Harry says. Peter smiled looking at you, his face pressing into your hair. Tears were already building in your eyes as you tried to blink them away.

“So come sit, the chair is for bashful.” Harry laughs standing up. “Sorry Parker you're standing.”

Your hand rubbed over your bump already poking out a bit. You were big for about two months along and everyone couldn’t help but to comment on it but it wasn’t too big of an issue for people to be speculating.

“What is this?”

“Some necessities. You got a stroller.” James says pointing to the black stroller. “We tested it in store made sure it was safe.” You laughed and looked at Peter imagining what these ten or more frat boys looked like in the baby sections of the store testing a stroller.

“But open this one first.” Harry pleads, placing a small bag in your lap.

You furrowed your brow and reached in the bag pulling out a dark red onesie with the Theta Tau letters on it and all your friends' names scribbled on to the onesie with a message. “Oh my god.”

“I fucking love this.” Peter says placing it on your bump. “Oh she’s so wearing this home from the hospital.” You smiled at how Peter always referred to the baby as she, he wanted a daughter so bad. You think back on him referring to himself as a girl dad when you first told him about the possibility and your heart swells.

“I don’t even want her to wear it, I just wanna frame it cause it's so precious.”

“Oh she's so wearing this to game days, parties, everything.” Peter laughed, folding the onesie and putting it in the bag.

“Let's open the rest of these, yeah? We spent most of our monthly money in the baby section if the boards  ask if it was for a social event.” James whispers, pushing the next book towards you.

-

You stood in Peter’s room at the frat house looking at the massive bump as you stood in a pink dres as Peter labeled a few boxes that needed to be moved back to May’s. “I’m huge.” You sigh turning to Peter with a pout.

“No you’re pregnant and don’t forget you're so sexy.” Peter says standing up kissing your cheek, his hands resting on the bump rubbing slowly. “Get me all types of worked up looking at ya’.”

“You’re right. I’m still hot.” You smiled leaning against him to kiss him. “She is going crazy today.”

“I know I hear her moving around in there.” He says pushing a few boxes against the wall.

“Stop, no you can’t.” You say hand on your stomach as you start to walk down the stairs. Peter fixing the buttons on the pink button up.

“I absolutely can. She’s got a real future as a swimmer.”

You couldn’t help but cackle, grabbing his arm walking down the steps towards the party. You hear your friends filming the ‘Hi I’m so and so and I think your gender is…’ and you laugh at some of their statements. “Are your parents gonna FaceTime during the reveal?” Peter asks, sitting you down on his lap in a pink lawn chair. You nod holding his hand on your bump resting your head against his.

“And these are your parents.” Miles says panning the camera over to them.

“And we think you’re a girl.” You smile. “But Miles already knows and he’s been so good that I couldn’t even get it out of him.” You hummed, and Peter nodded knowing how hard you tried.

Mingling while nearly eight months pregnant is extremely hard. Your feet hurt, you’re tired, and all you really wanna do is sit down in comfy clothes and watch TV. But being with your people and Peter helped. Everyone was so sweet and they weren’t always trying to have their hands on you. May was supportive keeping you hydrated and entertained when you weren’t feeling up to walking around and talking.

“He is so excited..you both are.” May laughs looking around. “It’s nice to see everyone coming together for you guys. I was worried Peter would never have this type of connection with people..I’m glad I met you.” May takes your hand squeezing.

“May I’m hormonal, you're gonna make me cry.” You say fanning your face. You kissed her hand and hugged her.

“Okay everybody, time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for!” Harry announces standing on the table getting everyone's attention.

“If Miles and I could have mommy and daddy over here please behind the chemistry table thank you very much.” He says jumping down resting his arm on M.J.’s shoulder.

Peter took your hand walking you behind the chemistry table smiling at the set up in front of him clapping his hands excitedly. “So Peter and our girl here are going to mix these three combinations. Two will turn green and one will turn pink or blue to show the gender.” Miles explains. Peter puts on his safety goggles and helps you with your glasses smiling.

“You’re loving this aren’t you?”

“Absolutely I am.” He whispers, kissing your head as you both work together mixing the (Non-harmful) chemicals to get reactions.

After mixing you two stepped back taking your glasses off watching the mixtures bubble and foam the first two turning green and the last one taking its time. Foaming over into a light pink color settling into a dark pink liquid.

“It’s a girl! I knew it..I fuckin’ knew it.” Peter yells, hugging you with excitement evident in his tone. You knew he’d be excited no matter what but this was a whole new level. You jump up and down hugging each other. May and your main group of friends flooding you both with hugs. You knew your baby was coming into an amazing and supportive family.

-

The spring semester had ended and you and Peter moved back into May’s attic which Peter had worked hard to turn into a bedroom and half nursery. It looked beautiful but Peter had also turned his old bedroom into a full nursery after May insisted it would be best for when the baby was a little bigger and she could help out. He was so excited and anxiously awaiting that anyday know his little girl could be here. You didn’t lift a finger: Peter made dinner, carried you up the stairs to bed at night, basically bathed you..everything you needed done Peter did for you.

Which is why him working late with Octavious tonight was stressful and anxiety filling for you. May had came home earlier but she was sound asleep in her recliner, and you’d really hate to bother her for a drink and snack. In the dark light of the living room you stood up, trying to gain your balance. Waddling into the kitchen you grabbed a green tea from the fridge and a small bag of chips from the bowl.

“Oh fuck.” You gasped breathlessly, a shooting pain in your lower left side. You grabbed the counter and took a deep breath and started timing it in your head. You started your walk back to the living room before water gushed out from between your legs. “May..May!” You whisper yelled looking at her already sitting up.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, sit here.”

She says watching your panicked face sitting you down she rushed to the hall bathroom grabbing a towel dropping it over the puddle. Already having the house phone between her shoulder holding your hand.

-

Hair on the back of Peter’s neck stood up and he was bolting for the door yelling out apologies to Otto before his phone even rang. He was about a block down from the lab trying to get a lab when May called.

“I know I know I’m on my way.” He says. “It’s the…spider sense that alerted me. They’ve been so heightened lately I don’t know how I can feel it so far away.” He stomps his foot in frustration running down an alleyway looking for a good spot to start swinging.

“It’s called fatherly intuition Peter, sometimes you just know. Not everything is Spider-Man related.” May says rubbing your hand breathing with you.

“Her go bag is in the hall closet. I'm three minutes out, maybe four.” He yells from a rooftop hanging up and starting to head that way.

“I’m not letting him swing me to the hospital.” You say softly laying your head back.

May laughs “I’m calling Dr. Alvarez everything is fine. I’m gonna put your bag in the car and we’ll be there in no time.”

You weren’t sure if everything was moving at 2x speed but it felt like Peter was there in no time. Carrying you to the car and sitting in the backseat with you. “She’s coming.” He says excitedly kissing your temple. “Of course she’d pick today.” He laughs nervously.

“She’s already giving you a hard time.” You joked looking at him grabbing his hand as another contraction started.

“Just like you.”

-

Six hours later you sat exhausted in the hospital bed holding your newborn daughter, Peter crouched over you head against your sweaty head. “Oh look at her.”

“She’s already got your face.” You laugh. “I think I can’t really tell. All babies look the same sometimes.”

Peter laughed, kissing your cheek, nodding. “They really do but she's got my nose and lips for sure. She’s got your hair.”

“I love her.” You say kissing her head. “And I love you Parker.”

“I love you bashful.” Peter says kissing your lips quickly, before leaning down and kissing the little girl's head, her legs kicking in response. You smiled, handing her off to Peter watching him rock her slowly resting her on his chest. You fixed your hospital gown and thanked whatever made you walk into that frat party two years ago.

This came out waaaay longer than I expected it too but once I got started I couldn’t stop. Hope this is what you guys wanted, it’s not proof read at all because I was so excited to post it. 

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