#I’ve been whaling hard on this dumb game

[sweetbeagaming]

cozy log cabin camper 🚌

camper id: 7625 1591 190

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Thoughts on ‘The Sea Beast’

SPOILERS AHOY!

I loved the character designs, for the humans and the creatures. I feel like the design team had a lot of fun.

It was neat how the castle architecture and decor had a palette of sea green, gold, and white, yet still felt very aquatic, rather than leaning on an “ocean theme = blue” palette.

The royal couple’s costumes kind of gave me ‘sea monster’ vibes even before they were confirmed to be antagonistic characters. I think it was all the little triangles on the trim. (According to a sewing website I’ve read, those are called Van Dyke points, but I’m not sure how widely used that term is.)

I think Blue is the same species as Red, just a different colour while a baby. The angler lure will lose its light and turn into a crest as Blue gets older. I want a plushie of Blue, and maybe one of the yellow ones as well.

I very, very much want to see a video of Voltaire’s song “The Beast Of Pirate’s Bay” using clips from this movie.

Captain Crow was super dumb for dumping the Hand Of God harpoon overboard as soon as Red was captured. Even if he was holding off on killing her until they got back to the capital, keeping the poison on hand might have been a good idea in case they needed to, oh, I don’t know, sedate the giant beast again?

Potential reasons I came up with for why humans and sea beasts would be in conflict:

Some combination of the following:

1. It started due to honest misunderstandings, akin to a shark’s “test bite” of a surfer.

Sea beasts are huge, and big things need lots of food. Know what has a lot of calories? Mammal meat. It is not unreasonable to think some types of sea beast might eat whales. Ships at sea would be mistaken for a whale surfacing to breathe, the sea beast would come up to eat it, and oops, it’s not a whale after all.

Even the story about how “them beasts would come right up to shore, pluck a lady from her veggie patch, and swallow her up” could be based on true events. If a sea beast preyed on pinnipeds (seals, sea lions, and walruses), they could mistake humans on the beach for seals and go after them, expecting them to be slower and clumsier out of water.

2. Sea Beast territory blocks an otherwise-desirable trading route.

Plenty of wars and conflicts in human history have been about controlling trade routes. As a coastal territory, much of the kingdom’s trade is presumably by sea.

3. Sea Beast territory overlaps with otherwise-desirable fishing grounds.

As stated in Hypothesis 1, big animals need lots of food. Red’s whirlpool trick is presumably to cluster fish together so she can eat a bunch of them in one bite.

Coastal regions also tend to be heavily dependant on fishing for food.

4. The horns are harvested for ‘medicinal’ purposes.

It fits with the whaling metaphor (harvesting blubber and spermaceti for lamp oil, and baleen for corset boning), the big game hunting theme (rhino horns used as an aphrodisiac), and the theme of hunting supernatural creatures (unicorn horns, and narwhal tusks, could supposedly detect and cure poisons).

5. The Royal Family have discovered the Sea Beasts make useful scapegoats.

“Yes, we had to raise taxes, but it’s to fund the hunters and protect our people from the beasts!”

“Yes, everything is expensive, because it’s hard to get imports past the beasts and we can only produce so much locally.”

Depending on what people believe about the sea beasts’ intelligence and capabilities, it might even be possible to blame them for storms, droughts, floods, and tidal waves.

6. It’s a direct side-effect of the whaling industry.

Related to Hypothesis 3; sea beasts have sunk whaling ships, and compete for the same prey. Humans started trying to wipe them out so they’d stop getting in the way.

(I did not actually expect this to be canon, since whaling is generally frowned upon by a modern audience and this is a kids’ movie, so the scriptwriters wouldn’t want to get into that.

Also, do whales even exist in this world, or do sea beasts fill that ecological niche? We never see proof onscreen that whales coexist with sea beasts, but the ocean is vast and it’s hard to prove a negative.)

7. From the Sea Beasts’ perspective, humans are a fellow beast with whom they are competing for territory.

I mean, looking at things from a certain angle, this isn’t totally wrong.

The Explanation The Movie Gave:

Generations ago, the Royal Family told everyone that Sea Beasts were bad and needed to be hunted. They did this for ... reasons.

On my second watching, I puzzled out, “Maybe that’s part of the point, that the real motives were lost to history and sometimes you don’t get to find out why; some random kid like Maisie never got to find out the full truth, but she still found out the important part - that the manipulation existed, and that sea beasts aren’t actively malicious - and that’s why it’s important to question stuff people have ‘always known’, because details get lost over time and could’ve been wrong to begin with.”

But for a first watching, wow, talk about leaving an important plot thread hanging.

[polishtamales]

Magic 30th Anniversary Failed

“The 30th Anniversary Edition sale has concluded, and the product is currently unavailable for purchase. Thanks to everyone who joined us today!”

@wizards_magic

While most people ignored WotC’s biggest cash grab in 30 years, the remaining curious parts of the community were rewarded with what has to be one of the biggest conspiracy theory:

Did Wizards of the Coast purposely cut the release window of Magic 30th Anniversary to save face? Much less create more artificial scarcity to an already artificial product?

In my mind, they absolutely did. Totally and without any remorse. 

Not just for customer “goodwill” for the brand, but also to save the “collectable” aspect of their printed products. WotC has more to lose if Magic 30th Anniversary “sold out” in a few day than a few hours. Since the vast majority of orders occurred within the first few minutes of the product’s launch window (as do all their products online); WotC most likely saw next to little actual activity after the first 10 minutes. Sure, there were probably a few hundred bots set up to mess with cart and waiting queues, but nothing catastrophic like a DDOS attack.

You have to remember folks, Wizards of the Coast is under a lot of pressure after Bank of America gave a scathing evaluation of Hasbro’s stock. Not just for funny business for cooking their books, but the fact that WotC is sitting on millions and millions of dollars of unsold inventory of cards/merchandise. It’s not like these cards can be shipped and sold to down to other lesser chain stores, like ROSS or Five Below. Magic 30th Anniversary was their Hail Mary for quarter 4 earnings. It was suppose to stabilize what was already considered a bad year for Magic the Gathering. 

So what happens now?

It really is up to you, the player base. You already have WotC employees telling every single customer to not buy every product to avoid burn out. To be more selective of what products you engage with. Obviously, very poorly worded in business to accuse your customers to be so dumb that they keep buying everything...

Which doesn’t surprise me how they’ve been focusing so hard to market their products to mentally ill/challenged parts of the community. It’s not even an open secret anymore that a lot of video games and mobile services solely focus sales to whales and/or create an ecosystem of their products to be addictive as possible. A lifestyle some would say in corporate pitch meetings. This is why Secret Lairs have been so successful. Not just by the fear of missing out in small windows of availability, but also the elite status of being a MTG mega fan! The sunk cost of your commander/EDH alone is nothing compared to another $40 upgrade of foils next paycheck... 

For me, I hate to say it, but I’ve been done with the game since Modern Horizons 2. I used to love playing Modern/Legacy, where old cards can find new life after rotation. Where you didn’t have to constantly spend money every set just to stay relevant. Who doesn’t like owning a deck and keep in their closet for a few months or years, knowing they can just dust it off to a big Magic event or some old friends dropping by? 

Instead, these old non-rotating formats did get rotated and through blunt force of power-creep no less. You can’t really have the same experiences like you did when cards are created solely to sell you new boxes/cases of cards. It was not like this before in non-rotating formats; good cards trickled in the format, not by power creeping everything around it. It’s really insulting to downright malicious towards it’s own customers when these boxes/cases are almost quadruple than their old counterparts. 

I don’t really see Wizards of the Coast or Hasbro correcting any courses... maybe adjust lower print runs and make actual collector products collectable again... without artificially pricing them at stupid prices. One thing is for sure though. We won’t be seeing anymore blatant cash grabs of $1,000 official proxies anytime soon. 

[22degreehalo]

Okay so I know this is out of nowhere and completely out of context to recent things I’ve been posting/talking about but something Happened in a subreddit and I need to finally get out something that’s been on my mind a lot recently:

A lot of gaming communities are absolutely plagued by a group of people - very often in the majority - who do not wish to do whatever it takes to win competitive matches, but also hate losing. But rather than simply not playing the game, they continue to play, but merely get very angry at their opponents for not making the same choices they do.

I’d like to make it clear that this isn’t about ‘skill issues.’ This is about people making deliberate choices to use their Favourites rather than the meta-relevant choices. This choice is almost always extremely obvious to the player, and in fact most of these players take immense pride in chosing favourites over meta. None of this is wrong! The problem comes when these people play competitively, and actually do not enjoy losing to meta teams, but then blame the other players for not chosing the same as them.

This is dumb. It is just deeply, entirely unfair and unrealistic. Some people genuinely enjoy and have fun making tactical choices and trying to maximise their scores! It’s a fun puzzle, like chess! Getting mad at these people is elitist gatekeeping that attacks people for Having Fun Wrong, full stop. And not to mention that people who play this way are, in my experience, inordinately autistic-acting, giving this whole debate an uncomfortably ableist slant.

And yet, most of these people who use favourites like to think that they are fighting against elitist gatekeepers and bigots. So why does this happen? (At least, in the context of two games I’m most familiar with seeing this in: Fire Emblem Heroes and competitive Pokemon.)

For starters, I think part of it is a weird moral element to it: that the favourites-user is making the Moral Choice, and therefore Deserves to win for that, somehow. Winning by actually playing the game is ‘cheap.’ This ties in to a lot of standard ideological stuff that the world is divided into an oppressor who is inferior in every important way, but wields power over others due to their willingness to use Dishonorable and Unfair tactics that the oppressed are too morally pure to consider. In this view, the correct and ‘default’ position is to play the using-favourites way, and everyone is capable of that.

But that doesn’t work in practice, because the rules of what constitutes ‘fair’ play are entirely vague. (Which is part of why I do feel like there’s an ableism issue, here: the social vagaries of what is an Acceptable level of Trying is very very very allistic.) What happens if someone’s favourite happens to also be a meta choice? That’s often acceptable (even if it means that a ‘favourites over meta’ team is actually not particularly un-meta), but not always. How is the meta player supposed to hold back, so they aren’t trying ‘too hard’? Surely they’re allowed to try to win, but how hard are they allowed to try?

For freemium games (such as Fire Emblem Heroes, which sparked this post), the cut-off seems clear: paying money to win. The ‘unfair’ players are the whales with +10 new, premium units. But the thing is that in practice, you don’t actually need to be a whale to play meta, at least in FEH. In Summoner Duels, the most maligned mode, you usually really only need a single copy of each premium unit to make use of them, and that is not at all hard to achieve. In this case, the commonly-accepted logic of ‘this mode is overrun by tryhard whales who steamroll everyone else’ is just not really true: people who really wanted to play the meta certainly could do so without paying real money. They just don’t. So, why?

I think the key to this is my previous question, of how hard meta-players are allowed to try to win. And I think there are two answers to this, representing two categories of these types of players.

For one category, the answer is that, yes, the player is supposed to try to win, but they want it to be a fair fight. They want to believe that if they really invest in their favourites and get the most out of them, they have a chance at beating meta players.

For these players, the real problem at the crux of the issue is that the game just isn’t balanced that way. The true enemy here is the game itself and its designers. Their frustration is entirely understandable; the problem is merely that it has been misdirected.

This however immediately becomes complicated again when these people exist in the context of competitive Pokemon, where there in fact ARE many different tiers of play that almost always allow some way for their favourite pokemon to be useful. And yet for some reason these players never seem to consider other tiers to be valid ways to play.

I’m... not entirely sure how to rationalise that, to be honest. All I can really gather is that some of those people seem to want to be able to just hit up the ‘default’ tier and use their faves and find other people also using their faves, and even things like checking which tier their favourites are best in is ‘too much work.’ (Of course, this is also unrealistic: even if you could somehow get a group of people who have all spent the exact same vague amount of Effort putting together a team of favourites, those teams would all be incredibly varied in their overall strength, so the problem would still remain.) But I think at this point the group starts to morph into the second category of players.

The second category is of players who in fact don’t want the other player to try to win. Because they don’t want to have to try to win, either. They don’t actually enjoy playing the game. But they want to do it and win, anyway.

Why? In some cases I think it’s just that this is the only game they can really play with these characters and so it’s the best they can do. Even in this case, I can’t help but think that if they try different game modes or tiers or whatever, they might surely find a version of the game that they enjoy more. And if not... then maybe it’s just unfortunate that while they enjoy the characters, they don’t enjoy the gameplay, and will just have to try and find different ways to appreciate those characters.

For others, though, I feel like they almost feel a weird obligation to play competitive. This is more common in men IMO: there is certainly an unfortunate gender role expectation on men to prove themselves Superior in competition, even among feminists; note that men who are incapable usually have toxic masculinity read into them and are mocked for it regardless of their actual intentions. But there’s also a weird strong defensiveness here, or even a vulnerability, that the Meta Players will make fun of them and just in general be mean elitist gatekeepers.

In this situation, there’s a very real sense of ‘get them before they get me.’ The players try to turn it around, and instead accuse THOSE supposed gatekeepers of ‘playing wrong’ and not being ‘real fans.’ I don’t think they realise consciously just how much they’re reading in to other people things they have never actually said, here, because a lot of it is actually projection. Meta-players don’t have to say anything at all - just by existing, they make some people feel insecure and defensive, and liable to lash out.

I think the realest sort of semi-realistic worry is the idea that not playing competitive is intellectually lazy, or just stupid. That ‘smart’ people could just pick up the game and win that way. Playing non-meta often seems like an almost instinctive self-protective thing, then: they don’t need to actually put their smarts to the test because they never Really had a chance to win, anyway.

But the thing is, very very few people are just naturally smart enough to easily win at games like that. I don’t even know if that’s really a thing? People who do well usually do so because they actually really enjoy playing it and thinking about it, and work hard on it. Not being good at a game doesn’t mean you’re dumb, it probably just means that you haven’t really looked into the tactics as much, or gotten as much experience playing. 

But maybe some people don’t like to think that they haven’t tried as much because it seems like it means they don’t care as much about the game and aren’t a Real Fan? But you can be a fan in all kinds of ways - getting better at the competitive game is just one! Though, these players often try to combat this by recontextualising ‘real fan’ as ‘one who actually uses characters they care about because they really know the character well’ which... is just more generic bad Real Fan gatekeeping as well.

Of course, this entire way of thinking is also very unfair! If you deliberately hold yourself back, you can’t complain to the other person when they win! But, of course, there is a sense of envy, there: that that person is confident in their abilities enough to really try. Thus again we get the moral argument, that Actually Trying is unfair and unreasonable and they are taking the Moral choice by not doing so.

Which is the other reasoning: Trying is for Nerds. They aren’t some fat ugly autistic incel weeb who has never touched a girl in his life! They are social people who touch grass and Have Sex! They are very keen to prove that they’re Not Like The Other Nerds, and need to have a bad example to prove themselves against. But when they reach that position in practice, they chafe, because they really do want to try to win and they’re envious of the other player for just being able to do so. But that goes back to the first category again, of people who really do want to try.

So. What have we concluded from this? Honestly, there’s quite a lot more variety in these groups of people than I even believed going into this post, and there’s no one easy way to combat this bad behaviour. Do they want to try hard but are embarrassed or insecure, or do they not want to try at all and are embarrassed or insecure about that? Is the problem with the game itself, or the culture around it?

But ultimately, yes, this is a problem. Too many people are attacked or treated with extreme hostility literally just for playing a video game and enjoying it. That’s not okay. All these phantoms invented to explain why these meta-players are actually Jerks who deserve to be mistreated are just that: phantoms. Everyone deserves to be able to have fun playing video games. Including those who want to try very hard to win.

[sosa-royals]

Maxime: Stupid Maria Aisha. Who would even want to be friends with such a f*****g wh*re anyway. 

Maxime: And all those other f*****g idiots that are scampering after her trying to get under her skirt. They aren’t even afraid to catch anything. (scoffs)

Maxime: And Dre! That idiot! Not only did he call me the wrong name but he hasn’t even apologised! And now even he’s spending more time with that b**** than with me!

Maxime: Am I cursed? It’s the only way I can explain being surrounded by b*****s and idiots! Why couldn’t I just have been born a whale? Everyone is trying to protect them? They’re top of the food chain in the ocean, they’re basically celebrities!

Maxime: I HATE MY LIFE!!

???: Well, that was very dramatic

Maxime: Oh, that’s embarassing. Sorry, I didn’t know anyone else was here.

???: Clearly, I’m here

Maxime: Please act like you didn’t just hear all that.

???: That’s kind of hard to do to be honest. That was a very interesting conversation you were having with yourself. 

Maxime: Please stop, you’re making my embarassment worse.

???: Listen, no judgement from me. Just a word of advice, if you came here to try and get some peace and quiet, then I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place.

Maxime: I take that to mean you come here often?

???: My girls and I are here everyday. Every weekday at least

???: So... care to share your boy struggles?

Maxime: What makes you think it’s boy struggles

???: You sort of gave a little bit of that away. I mean, I’m guessing that’s who Dre is, right?

Maxime: ....yeah. Although I’m reluctant to share my struggles with a stranger

???: What’s the harm? You might never see me again, and who knows, this stranger might be the one person willing to tell you what everyone else won’t

Maxime: You’re right. But where do I even start?

???: Start with Dre. Everything else can come later.

Maxime: Dre is just this... dumb guy I’ve liked for years

???: Unrequited love, am I right?

Maxime: Yeah... it is. i don’t even know how many years it’s been anymore. To make things worse, he’s in love with my sister. He’s probably had feelings for her as long as I’ve had feelings for him. 

???: I was in a similar situation once. But that was back in my final yera of middle school believe it or not. 

Maxime: And? What did you do to move on?

???: I told him how I felt

Maxime: I don’t think I can do that

???: And that is because you’re afraid. But think about it, what has fear ever done for you? If you can’t tell him how you feel then show him how you feel. Don’t just hang around him acting like a friend he’s known for years otherwise that is what you will always be. The best friend. The sister of the girl he likes.

???: Guys may seem complicated at first but after a while you get used to how their minds work, and that’s when the game begins. 

Maxime: Game? What game?

???: The game. My girls and I have been playing the game since high school started and we’re all in it for the long run. We like to say, it’s like making orange juice.

Maxime: What does that mean? And what’s this game?

???: Do you really want to know?

Maxime: Yes

???: Then go do what I told you. Then come back and tell me what happens between you and Dre.

Maxime: Thanks for the advice...um...

???: Addison. But my friends call me Addi

Maxime: Thanks Addi

???: So that’s what Princess Maxime is like

???: I’m so excited for when she comes back

???: She’ll come back, right?

Addison: Of course she’ll come back. Didn’t you hear her? He’s in love with her sister. No matter what she does, she doesn’t stand a chance.

Next | Previous

[ratsoh-writes]

The character limit on asks cannot stop me from submitting my matchup request

I apologize in advance. I have dumb bitch don’t shut up disease. There’s nothing I can do 🤷‍♂️

The elephant in the room: I’m neurodivergent. A mix of adhd and autism. I was born with disabilities. I have Chairi type 2, I did get surgery as kid for it, and an auto-inflammatory disorder as the biggest in my life. Chronic migraines, joint and muscle pain, stomach issues etc. I take meds to help and try to keep up with low impact activities. I do get an injection for the auto-inflammatory disease and then botox and nerve blocks injections in my head and shoulders for intense muscle stiffness. Hurts like hell but it helps me a lot. 

Personality: I’m quite low energy and quiet most of the time. I like familiarity and having to change how I do something stresses me out hard. I try to appear calm and sarcastic but I’m a lot more sensitive than what I want to admit. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria messes me up bad and I’m generally an anxious person. I do have a knack for analyzing things. I can get too involved the world’s problems with this but also pinpoint how someone feels and maybe why once I notice their pattern. I really want to make people happier. If a loved one asks me to jump, I’ll ask how high. As for humor, I adore stupid tumblr and gen z humor. Me and the boys DO go out looking for beans thank you for asking. 

Hobbies: I love some existential games. Little Nightmares 1 and 2 are iconic. I could go on and on about the symbolism. Speaking of, once again I like to analyze. Media analysis is a fun pastime for me. As I said, I get into larger issues and I find different media’s are wonderful media for exploring them, specially horror. My new thing is horror podcasts. Archive 81 is my favorite rn. I’ve been trying to nurture my inner kid. I have plushies that I sleep with and ones that I attach to my bag to bring with me places. I wanna rewatch some childhood shows/movies like Monster High, Barbie, and Pokémon. I’ve been sewing and crocheting a lot. I made a stuffed whale with a starry looking yarn. Space whale ❤️. I draw and paint a ton. I like gauche, markers, pencils, and digital but I wanna go back to sketches. I like learning, it sounds so dumb but it’s true. I wanna go into a research field actually, specially with birds. I really like animals in general though. I have some dogs and cats and a bearded dragon. I have a sorts punk-cryptidcore-fairycore thing going on. I really expressing it through clothing and eye and lip makeup. I’m a big lipstick fan. I always wear it out. I like big and bold eyeshadow looks. I want to be soft and huggable while also looking like I came from hell.

Pet Peeves: If I say I’m busy or not in the mood, I really need that person to listen. I get into angry moods sometimes and just need to be left alone. I hate feeling like that and I despise snapping at people. Talking over me every time. I got in trouble a lot for interrupting so now I’m very cautious about it and I’d like the same. In the same vain, never listening to what I’m trying to say. I’m excited or invested in something and then they keep talking to someone else or looking at their phone. I have bad sensory issues. Don’t bother me about it. I can eat a sandwich one day and the next it makes sick. I don’t know why, don’t ask. I also can’t stand a variety of sounds. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t loud, I can hear it and it hurts. 

Dealbreakers: I hate being brushed off when I’m upset. I rarely communicate it, so when I do it’s a leap of faith from my perspective. I don’t want to be told I’m being defensive or emotional or be left alone.

Values: I hate so much about the world currently, and a lot of it is how people don’t question things. Why is this necessary if it causes hurt? Do we need it? Can we alter it? I find a lot of good people agree on fixing things but don’t understand the deeper issues that cause them. I guess I really value compassion. From a scientific standpoint, humans got so far by being really good at taking care of each other. We took care of the sick and elderly and cared for babies and children. I want things to better for my younger siblings and their kids. I truly believe in silent rebellions and hope in dark places. I’m disabled, very very queer and a lot of my family are immigrants. I’m very proud. So many people and systems tried stop me but I’m still very alive. I think living as happily and indulgently as I can is the best F you to those people and systems.

Oh! I think I have it down with this one!

The boy I’m matching you with is…..

Papyrus!!! The cool man himself!!

What attracts papyrus to you is the fact that you never loose hope! You aren’t naive by any means, but you still see the good in humanity and want to add to that. Plus your creativity is a big bonus. Papyrus is usually attracted to the artsy people. Anyone who creates

He an amazing communicator and is so forgiving and compassionate. If you’re looking for a respectful boy, paps is your man. He’s good with quirky partners and rolls with it well. Especially if you’re willing to entertain his own quirks in return.

One thing about humans that he’s super jealous of is lips lol. Papyrus jokes about wishing he could feel his “hair” in the breeze, but if he had lips, you’d bet he’d be wearing lipstick every day too. He adores it when you wear yours and will pretend not to notice if you ever leave lipstick stains on his cheek lol

He doesn’t get gen z humor very well, but does enjoy the dirtier jokes. He won’t admit that though! Gotta keep up his good boy image!

[michaelbogild]

Lines by Bruce Springsteen

Shithole on the corner, no light, no sign Nobody on the street except the deaf, dumb, and blind

Now your death is upon us, and we'll return your ashes to the earth And I know you'll take comfort in knowing you've been roundly blessed and cursed

Some girls, they want a handsome Dan Or some good-lookin' Joe on their arm Some girls like a sweet-talkin' Romeo Well, 'round here, baby I learned you get what you can get So if you're rough enough for love Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

Can't see nothing in front of me Can't see nothing coming up behind Make my way through this darkness I can't feel nothing but this chain that binds me Lost track of how far I've gone How far I've gone, how high I've climbed On my back's a sixty pound stone On my shoulder, a half-mile line

A mother prays, "Sleep tight, my child, sleep well For I'll be at your side That no shadow, no darkness, no tolling bell Shall pierce your dreams this night"

Tonight we'll sing the songs I'll dream of you, my corazón And tomorrow my heart will be strong And may the saints blessing and grace Carry me safely into your arms There, across the border

We are alive And though our bodies lie alone here in the dark Our spirits rise To carry the fire and light the spark To stand shoulder to shoulder and heart to heart

The condition you're in Now you just can't get out of this skin

The hurricane blows, brings a hard rain When the blue sky breaks, it feels like the world's gonna change We'll start caring for each other like Jesus said that we might I'm a Jack of all trades, we'll be alright

You shot through my anger and rage To show me my prison was just an open cage There were no keys no guards Just one frightened man and some old shadows for bars

You gave your love to see In fields of red and autumn brown You gave your love to me And lay your young body down

If the angels are unkind or the season is dark Or if in the end Love just falls apart Then here's to our destruction Baby let me be your soul driver

I know we're different you and me Got a different way of walking The time has come to let the past be history Yeah, if we could just start talking

I chased the heat of her blood Like it was the holy grail Descend beautiful spirit Into the evening pale Her appaloosa's Kicking in the corral smelling rain There's a low thunder rolling Across the mesquite plain

The dust of civilizations and love's sweet remains Slip off of your fingers and come drifting down like rain The pages of Revelation lie open in your empty eyes of blue I watch you slip that comb through your hair and this, I promise you, I'll work for your love, dear

Tend to your flock or they will stray We'll be called for our service come judgment day Before we cross that river wide The blood on our hands will come back on us twice

Bird on a wire outside my motel room But he ain't singing Girl in white outside a church in June But the church bells ain't ringing I'm sitting here in this bar tonight But all I'm thinking Is I'm the same old story, same old act One step up and two steps back

Goodbye, my darling For your love, I give God thanks, Meet me on the Matamoros banks

Trees on fire with the first fall's frost Long black line in front of Holy Cross Blood moon rising in a sky of black dust Tell me baby, who do you trust?

He saw the watcher at the city gates Jonah in the belly of a whale He watched you walk your ragged mile His mercy it did not fail

I got somethin' in my heart, I been waitin' to give I got a life I wanna start, one I been waitin' to live No more waitin', tonight I feel the light I say the prayer I open the door, I climb the stairs

Yeah funny, I thought I felt a sweet summer breeze Must have been you sighing so deep, Don't worry, we're going to find a way

So you been broken and you been hurt Show me somebody who ain't Yeah I know I ain't nobody's bargain But hell a little touchup And a little paint

Tires on the highway hissing that something's coming You can feel the wires in the tree tops humming Devil's on the horizon line Your kiss and I'm alive

Mister trouble come walkin' this way Year gone past feels like one long day But I'm alive and I'm feelin' all right Well I run that hard road outta hearbreak city Built a roadside carnival out of hurt and self-pity It was all wrong well now I'm movin' on

Band's counting out midnight Floor's rumbling loud Singer's calling up daylight And waiting for that shout from the crowd

Remember the morning we dug up your gun The worms in the barrel, the hanging sun Those first nervous evenings of perfume and gin The lost smell on your breath as I helped you get it in The rush of your lips, the feel of your name The beat in your heart, the devil's arcade

You're looking for the key of that box you locked yourself in

I hold my breath and close my eyes And I wait for paradise

The road is dark And it's a thin thin line But I want you to know I'll walk it for you any time Maybe your other boyfriends Couldn't pass the test Well, if you're rough and ready for love Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

Well now on a summer night in a dusky room Come a little piece of the Lord's undying light Crying like he swallowed the fiery moon In his mother's arms it was all the beauty I could take Like the missing words to some prayer that I could never make In a world so hard and dirty so fouled and confused Searching for a little bit of God's mercy I found living proof

Now it's some old Stones' song the band is trashin' But if you feel like dancin', baby, I'm askin'

I got seven pictures of Buddha The prophet's on my tongue Eleven angels of mercy Sighing over that black hole in the sun My heart's dark but it's rising I'm pulling all the faith I can see From that black hole on the horizon I hear your voice calling me

So tell me what I see when I look in your eyes Is that you baby or just a brilliant disguise

I wanna build me a house, on higher ground I wanna find me a world, where love's the only sound High above this road, filled with shadow and doubt I want to shoulder my load, and figure it all out With Leah

But love and duty called you some place higher Somewhere up the stairs, into the fire

Hard times, baby well they come to us all Sure as the ticking of the clock on the wall Sure as the turning of the night into day Your smile girl, brings the morning light to my eyes Lifts away the blues when I rise I hope that you're coming to stay

I heard somebody call your name from underneath our willow I saw something tucked in shame underneath your pillow Well I've tried so hard baby but I just can't see What a woman like you is doing with me

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true But you and I know what this world can do So let's make our steps clear that the other may see And I'll wait for you If I should fall behind Wait for me

Now I was young and pretty on the mean streets of the city And I fought to make 'em my home With just the shirt on my back I left and swore I'd never look back And man I was gone gone gone But there's things that'll knock you down you don't even see coming And send you crawling like a baby back home You're gonna find out that day, sugar

She sits on the porch of her daddy's house Oh but honey your pretty dress is torn She stared off alone into the night With the eyes of one who hates for just being born

Well here's to your good looks baby now here's to my health Here's to the loaded places that we take ourselves When it comes to luck you make your own Tonight I got to dirt on my hands but I'm building me a new home

My father said, "Son, we're lucky in this town It's a beautiful place to be born It just wraps its arms around you Nobody crowds you, and nobody goes it alone"

In the darkness my fingers slip across your skin I feel your sweet reply The room fades away and suddenly I'm way up high Just holdin' you to me As through the window the moonlight streams Oh won't you baby be in my book of dreams

Well it's never too late so come on girl The tables are waiting You and me and lady luck well tonight We'll be celebrating Drinkin' champagne on ice In just another roll of the dice

Same old faces it's the same old town What once was laughs is draggin' me now Waitin' on rain hangin' on for love Words of forgiveness from some God above Ain't no words of mercy comin' from on high Oh no just a long goodbye

We've given each other some hard lessons lately We ain't learning We're the same sad story, that's a fact One step up and two steps back

Taj Mahal, the pyramids of Egypt are unique, I suppose But when they built you, brother, they broke the mold

I need you to chase these blues away Without you, I'm a drummer girl that can't keep a beat, Ice cream truck on a deserted street

Good times got a way of slipping away

It's the same thing night on night Who's wrong baby who's right Another fight and I slam the door On another battle in our dirty little war

Is dry lightning on the horizon line Just dry lightning and you on my mind

The day rips apart A dark and bloody arrow pierced my heart

There's a cross up yonder on Calvary Hill There's a slip of blood on a silver knife There's a graveyard kid down below Where at night the dead come to life

My soul went walkin' but I stayed here Feel like I been workin' for a thousand years Chippin' away at this chain of my own lies Climbin' a wall a hundred miles high Well I woke up this morning on the other side Yeah yeah this is the long goodbye

Now sometimes tomorrow comes soaked in treasure and blood Here we stood the drought, now we'll stand the flood There's a new world coming, I can see the light I'm a Jack of all trades, we'll be alright

I'm trudging through the dark in a world gone wrong I woke up this morning shackled and drawn

Now, when all this steel and these stories Drift away to rust And all our youth and beauty Has been given to the dust When the game has been decided And we're burnin' down the clock And all our little victories and glories Have turned into parking lots

The rain it keeps on falling on twisted bones and dirt I'm buried to my heart here in this hurt

These are better days baby Yeah there's better days shining through These are better days baby Better days with a girl like you

Now I ply my trade in the land of king dollar Where you get paid and your silence passes as honor And all the hatred and dirty little lies Been written off the books and into decent men's eyes

Well, darling if you're weary Lay your head upon my chest We'll take what we can carry Yeah, and we'll leave the rest

Give me help, give me strength Give a soul a night of fearless sleep Give me love, give me peace Don't you know these days you pay for everything

Where're the eyes, the eyes with the will to see Where're the hearts that run over with mercy Where's the love that has not forsaken me Where's the work that set my hands, my soul free Where's the spirit that'll reign, reign over me Where's the promise from sea to the shining sea

Been on a barbed wire highway 40 days and nights I ain't complaining, it's my job and it suits me right I got a sweet soft fever rushing around my head I'm gonna sleep tonight in Maria's bed

Baby, once I thought I knew Everything I needed to know about you Your sweet whisper, your tender touch I didn't really know that much Joke's on me, but it's going to be okay If I can just get through this lonesome day

Ain't no mercy on the streets of this town Ain't no bread from heavenly skies Ain't nobody drawin' wine from this blood It's just you and me tonight

I knew some day your running would be through and you'd think back on me and you And your love would be strong You'd forget all about the bad and think only of all the laughs that we had And you'd wanna come home Well, now it ain't hard feelings or nothing, sugar That ain't what's got me singing this song It's just nobody knows baby where love goes But when it goes it's gone gone

Dark and bloody autumn pierces my heart The memory of your kiss tears me apart The sky above is turning, the world below's gone gray I thought that I could turn and walk away

Einstein and Shakespeare Sitting having a beer Einstein trying to figure out the number that adds up to this Shakespeare said, "Man it all starts with a kiss" Einstein is scratching Numbers on his napkin Shakespeare said, "Man, it's just one and one make three Ah, that's why it's poetry"

Your sweet memory comes on the evening wind I sleep and dream of holding you in my arms again The lights of Brownsville across the river shine A shout rings out, into the silty red river, I dive

Seven days, seven candles In my window, light your way Your favorite record's on the turntable I drop the needle and pray

Well, the piss yellow sun Comes bringing up the day She said "Ain't nobody can give nobody What they really need anyway"

Your voice comes calling through the mist I awake from a dream and my heart begins to drift

I'll hammer the nails and I'll set the stone I'll harvest your crops when they're ripe and grown I'll pull that engine apart and patch her up 'til she's running right I'm a Jack of all trades, we'll be alright

I want a thousand guitars I want pounding drums I want a million different voices speaking in tongues

Out where the sky's been cleared by a good hard rain There's somebody callin' my secret name

Blood on the streets Yeah, blood flowing down I hear the blood of my blood Crying from the ground

Well, it ought to be easy, it ought to be simple enough Yeah, man meets woman and they fall in love But this house is haunted and the ride gets rough You've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above If you want to ride on down, down in through this tunnel of love

You said, "Heroes are needed, so heroes get made" Somebody made a bet, somebody paid The cool desert morning and nothing to save Just metal and plastic where your body caved

Well I took a piss at fortune's sweet kiss It's like eatin' caviar and dirt It's sad funny ending to find yourself pretending A rich man in a poor man's shirt

In the late afternoon sun fills the room with a mist in the garden before the fall I watch your hands smooth the front of your blouse and seven drops of blood fall

I'm standing in the backyard Listening to the party inside Tonight I'm drinkin' in the forgiveness This life provides

We've got no fairytale ending In God's hands our fate is complete Your heaven's here in my heart Our love's this dust beneath my feet

Billy felt a coldness rise up inside him that he couldn't name Just as the words tattooed 'cross his knuckles he knew would always remain At their bedside, he brushed the hair from his wife's face as the moon shone on her skin so white Filling their room in the beauty of God's fallen light

Now Tom said, "Mom, wherever there's a cop beating a guy Wherever a hungry newborn baby cries Where there's a fight against the blood and hatred in the air Look for me, Mom, I'll be there

Well tonight I just wanna shout I feel my soul waist deep and sinking Into this black river of doubt I just wanna rise and walk along the riverside And when the morning comes baby I don't wanna hide I'll stand right at your side with my arms open wide

Hands me two tickets, smiles and whispers good luck Well cuddle up angel, cuddle up my little dove We'll ride down baby into this tunnel of love

Everything is everything But you're missing

Where the distant oceans sing and rise to the plains In this dry and troubled country, your beauty remains Down from the mountain roads where the highway rolls to dark Beneath Allah's blessed rain, we remain worlds apart

The moon is high and here I am Sittin' here with this hammer in hand One more drink oughta ease the pain Starin' at that last link in the chain Well let's raise our glass and let the hammer fly Hey yeah this is the long goodbye

Baby let's get our bags packed We'll take it here to hell and heaven and back And if love is hopeless hopeless at best Come on put on your party dress it's ours tonight And we're going with the tumblin' dice

I got a cold mind to go tripping across that thin line I'm sick of doing straight time

There's a girl across the bar I get the message she's sending Hmm she ain't looking too married Me well honey I'm pretending Last night I dreamed I held you in my arms The music was never ending We danced as the evening sky faded to black One step up and two steps back

Well the highway is alive tonight But nobody's kidding nobody about where it goes I'm sitting down here in the campfire light Searching for the ghost of Tom Joad

I got my finger on the trigger But I don't know who to trust When I look into your eyes There's just devils and dust

Well now his kisses may thrill Those other girls that he likes But when it comes to treatin' A real woman right Well all of his tricks No they won't be enough 'Cause lovin' you baby lovin' you woman Lovin' you darlin' is a man's man's job

There was a woman waiting at the well Drawing water beneath a desert sky of blue She said "He'll heal the blind, raise the dead Cure the sickness out of you"

I been knocking on the door that holds the throne I been looking for the map that leads me home I been stumbling on good hearts turned to stone The road of good intentions has gone dry as a bone

Wherever somebody's fighting for a place to stand Or a decent job or a helping hand Wherever somebody's struggling to be free Look in their eyes, Ma, and you'll see me"

Tell me in a world without pity Do you think what I'm askin's too much? I just want something to hold on to And a little of that human touch

Tell me someone, what's the price I want to buy some time and maybe live my life I want to have a wife, I want to have some kids I want to look in their eyes and know they'll stand a chance

Well, your desires for your sweet confusion I'll walk away then, I don't buy your delusions

She gave me candy stick kisses 'neath a wolf-dog moon One sweet breath and she'll take you, mister, to the upper room I was burned by the angels, sold wings of lead Then I fell in the roses and sweet salvation of Maria's bed

It's a fairytale so tragic There's no prince to break the spell I don't believe in magic But for you, I will

Now a life of leisure and a pirate's treasure Don't make much for tragedy But it's a sad man my friend who's livin' in his own skin And can't stand the company. Every fool's got a reason for feelin' sorry for himself And turning his heart to stone Tonight this fool's halfway to heaven and just a mile outta hell And I feel like I'm comin' home

Is it the sound of the leaves left blown by the wayside That's got me out here on this spooky old highway tonight Is it the cry of the river with the moonlight shining through That ain't what scares me baby, what scares me is losing you

Darlin' give me your kiss Come and take my hand I am the nothing man

Now there's a loss that can never be replaced A destination that can never be reached A light you'll never find in another's face A sea whose distance cannot be breached

They destroyed our families, factories And they took our homes They left our bodies on the plains The vultures picked our bones

Like a thief on Sunday morning It all falls apart with no warning

I got the fortunes of heaven in diamonds and gold I got all the bonds baby that the bank could hold I got houses 'cross the country honey end to end And everybody buddy wants to be my friend Well I got all the riches baby any man ever knew But the only thing I ain't got, honey, I ain't got you

Gray morning light spits through the shade Another day older, closer to the grave Closer to the grave and come the dawn I woke up this morning shackled and drawn

Now you play the loving woman, I'll play the faithful man But just don't look too close into the palm of my hand Well we stood at the alter, the gypsy swore our future was right But come the wee wee hours maybe baby the gypsy lied

You walk real pretty and you talk real fine But night after night babe I'm on the line

I'm counting on a miracle

Dancing down a dark hole Just searching for a world with some soul

Gambling man rolls the dice, workingman pays the bill It's still fat and easy up on banker's hill Up on banker's hill, the party's going strong Down here below we're shackled and drawn

Well, Jesus kissed his mother's hands Whispered, "Mother, still your tears For remember the soul of the universe Willed a world and it appeared

Come to the door, Ma, and unlock the chain I was just passing through and got caught in the rain There's nothing that I want, nothing that you need say Just let me lie down for a while and I'll be on my way

Your world keeps turning round and round But everything is upside down Your own worst enemy has come to town

Shackled and drawn, shackled and drawn Pick up the rock son, carry it on What's a poor boy to do in a world gone wrong? I woke up this morning shackled and drawn

And though my heart's grown weary And more than a little bit shy Tonight I'll drink from her waters to quench my thirst And leave the angels to worry With every wish

Rode through forty nights of the gospels' rain Black sky pourin' snakes frogs And love in vain You were down where the river grows wider Baby let me be your soul driver

Don't worry, darling No baby, don't you fret We're living in the future And none of this has happened yet

There's a lot of talk going around you Let them talk, you know you're the only one There's a lot of walls need tearing down Together we could take them down one by one

I could smell the same deep green of summer Above me the same night sky was glowing In the distance I could see the town where I was born

Oh feelin' like a real man I ain't no fighter that's easy to see And as a lover I ain't goin' down in history But when the lights go down and you pull me close Well I look in your eyes and there's one thing I know Baby I'll be tough enough If I can find the guts to give you all my love Then I'll be feelin' like a real man

I hold you in my arms as the band plays What are those words whispered baby just as you turn away I saw you last night out on the edge of town I wanna read your mind to know just what I've got in this new thing I've found

Maybe I'm just a clown throwin' down Lookin' to come up busted I'm a thief in the house of love And I can't be trusted Well I'll be makin' my heist In just another roll of the dice

Now I see your pieces crumbled, and our book of faith's been tossed And I'm just down here searching for my own piece of the cross

Pockets full of dust, my mouth filled with cool stone The pale moon opens the earth to its bones

raise your hand And together we'll walk into Canaan land

On the plains of Jordan I cut my bow from the wood Of this tree of evil Of this tree of good

Well my soul checked out missing as I sat listening To the hours and minutes tickin' away Yeah just sittin' around waitin' for my life to begin While it was all just slippin' away I'm tired of waitin' for tomorrow to come Or that train to come roarin' 'round the bend I got a new suit of clothes a pretty red rose And a woman I can call my friend

From a house on a hill a sacred light shines I walk through these rooms but none of them are mine Down empty hallways I went from door to door Searching for my beautiful reward

A little sweet talk to cover over all of the lies You came runnin' back but to my surprise Well there was somethin' gone in Gloria's eyes

Last night I stood at your doorstep Tryna figure out what went wrong You just slipped something into my palm, and you were gone

I sink beneath the river cool and clear Drifting down, I disappear I see you on the other side I search for the peace in your eyes

I had some victory that was just failure in deceit Now the joke's comin' up through the soles of my feet I been a long time walking on fortune's cane Tonight I'm sleepin' lightly and feelin' no pain

Better ask questions before you shoot Deceit and betrayal's a bitter fruit It's hard to swallow, come time to pay That taste on your tongue don't easily slip away Thy kingdom come, I'm going to find my way Yeah, through this lonesome day

Well there in the high trees love's bluebird glides Guiding us 'cross to another river on the other side And there someone is waitin' with a look in her eyes

Oh girl that feeling of safety you prize Well it comes with a hard hard price You can't shut off the risk and pain Without losin' the love that remains We're all riders on this train

I walk this road, with a hammer and a fiery lantern With this hand I've built, and with this I've burned I wanna live in the same house, beneath the same roof Sleep in the same bed, search for the same proof As Leah

I built a shrine in my heart it wasn't pretty to see Made out of fool's gold memory and tears cried Now I'm heading over the rise I'm searching for one clear moment of love and truth I still got a little faith But what I need is some proof tonight I'm lookin' for it in your eyes

I been out in the desert, yeah, doing my time Sifting through the dust for fool's gold, looking for a sign Holy man said "Hold on, brother, there's a light up ahead" Ain't nothing like a light that shines on me in Maria's bed

They say if you die in your dreams, you really die in your bed But honey last night I dreamed my eyes rolled straight back in my head And God's light came shinin' on through I woke up in the darkness scared and breathin' and born anew It wasn't the cold river bottom I felt rushing over me It wasn't the bitterness of a dream that didn't come true It wasn't the wind in the grey fields I felt rushing through my arms No no baby, baby it was you

Now if you're lookin' for a hero Someone to save the day Well darlin' my feet They're made of clay But I've got somethin' in my soul And I wanna give it up But gettin' up the nerve Gettin' up the nerve Gettin' up the nerve is a man's man's job

If the sun should fall from the sky tomorrow If the rain brings the tears to your eye, I would share your sorrow

I've stumbled and I know I made my mistakes But tonight I'm gonna be playin' for all of the stakes

Well, no cannonball did fly, no rifles cut us down No bombs fell from the sky, no blood soaked the ground No powder flash blinded the eye No deathly thunder sounded But just as sure as the hand of God They brought death to my hometown

With these hands We pray for the strength, Lord

On the road to Basra stood young Lieutenant Jimmy Bly Detailed to go through the clothes of the soldiers who died At night in dreams he sees their souls rise Like dark geese into the Oklahoma skies

Well your hair shone in the sun I was so high I was the lucky one Then I came crashing down like a drunk on a barroom floor Searching for my beautiful reward

I'll mow your lawn, clean the leaves out your drain I'll mend your roof to keep out the rain I'll take the work that God provides I'm a Jack of all trades, honey, we'll be alright

Past the playgrounds and empty switching yards The turtles eat the skin from your eyes, so they lay open to the stars

Me and my girl Saturday night Late movie on channel five The girls were droppin' they're droppin' like flies To some smooth talkin' cool walkin' private eye I ain't got no nerves of steel But all I got to know is if your love is real

Sleeping beauty awakes from her dream With her lover's kiss on her lips Your kiss was taken from me Now all I have is this

I put my heart and soul I put 'em high upon a shelf Right next to the faith the faith that I'd lost in myself I went down into the desert city Just tryin' so hard to shed my skin I crawled deep into some kind of darkness Lookin' to burn out every trace of who I'd been You do some sad sad things baby When it's you you're tryin' to lose You do some sad and hurtful things I've seen living proof

It was dark, too dark to see You held me in the light you gave You lay your hand on me Then walked into the darkness of your smoky grave

My life's the same story Again and again I' m on the outside looking in

My ship Liberty sailed away On a bloody red horizon The groundskeeper opened the gates And let the wild dogs run

Now you were the Red Sea I was Moses I kissed you and slipped into a bed of roses The waters parted and love rushed inside I was Jesus' son sanctified

Now the sweet bells of mercy Drift through the evening trees Young men on the corner Like scattered leaves

Around here everybody acts the same Around here everybody acts like nothing's changed

Oh there's somethin' in your soul That he's gonna rob And lovin' you baby lovin' you darlin' Lovin' you woman is a man's man's job

Well now all that's sure on the boulevard Is that life is just a house of cards As fragile as each and every breath Of this boy sleepin' in our bed

He pulls a prayer book out of his sleeping bag Preacher lights up a butt and he takes a drag Waiting for when the last shall be first and the first shall be last In a cardboard box 'neath the underpass

Now the world is filled with many wonders under the passing sun And sometimes something comes along, and you know it's for sure the only one The Mona Lisa, the David, the Sistine Chapel, Jesus, Mary, and Joe And when they built you, brother, they broke the mold

You said my act was funny but we both knew what was missing, honey

Tonight I can feel the cold wind at my back I'm flying high over gray fields my feathers long and black Down along the river's silent edge I soar Searching for my beautiful reward

Now get yourself a song to sing and sing it till you're done Sing it hard and sing it well Send the robber barons straight to hell

I'm just a lonely pilgrim, I walk this world in wealth I want to know if it's you I don't trust 'cause I damn sure don't trust myself

This is radio nowhere Is there anybody alive out there?

All over the world the rain was pourin' I was scratchin' where it itched Oh heartbreak and despair got nothing but boring So I grabbed you baby like a wild pitch

Tonight our bed is cold, I'm lost in the darkness of our love God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of

Well I've been a losin' gambler Just throwin' snake eyes Love ain't got me downhearted I know up around the corner lies My fool's paradise In just another roll of the dice

The Virginia hills have gone to brown Another day, another sun going down I visit you in another dream

When they built you, brother, they turned dust into gold When they built you, brother, they broke the mold

It's coming on closing time Bartender, he's ringin' last call These days I don't stand on pride I ain't afraid to take a fall

They say you can't take it with you, but I think that they're wrong Because all I know is I woke up this morning, and something big was gone Gone into that dark ether where you're still young and hard and cold Just like when they built you, brother, they broke the mold

You'll be fine long as your pretty face holds out Then it's going to get pretty cold out

You and me we were the pretenders We let it all slip away In the end what you don't surrender Well the world just strips away

So when you look at me you better look hard and look twice Is that me baby or just a brilliant disguise

You can't sleep at night You can't dream your dream Your fingerprints on file Left clumsily at the scene

On his right hand, Billy'd tattooed the word "love", on his left hand was the word "fear" And in which hand he held his fate was never clear Come Indian summer, he took his young lover for his bride And with his own hands built her a great house down by the riverside

We've got God on our side We're just trying to survive What if what you do to survive Kills the things you love

Now my ass was draggin' when from a passin' gypsy wagon Your heart like a diamond shone Tonight I'm layin' in your arms carvin' lucky charms Out of these hard luck bones

It'll take your God-filled soul Fill it with devils and dust

I'm driving a big lazy car rushin' up the highway in the dark I got one hand steady on the wheel and one hand's tremblin' over my heart It's pounding baby like it's gonna bust right on through And it ain't gonna stop till I'm alone again with you

For all the blown-off strangers and hot rod angels Stumbling through this promised land Tonight my baby and me we're gonna ride to the sea And wash these sins off our hands

But they're as empty as paradise

Quiet afternoon in the empty house On the edge of the bed, you slip off your blouse The room is burning with the noon sun Your bittersweet taste on my tongue

Well now our old fears and failures, oh baby, they do linger Like the shadow of that ring that was on your finger

Well by Our Lady Of The Roses we lived in the shadow of the elms I remember ma dragging me and my sister up the street to the church whenever she heard those wedding bells Well would they ever look so happy again yeah the handsome groom and his bride As they stepped into that long black limousine for their mystery ride Well tonight you step away from me and alone at the alter I stand As I watch my bride coming down the aisle I pray for the strength to walk like a man

You got a one-way ticket to the promised land You got a hole in your belly and a gun in your hand Sleeping on a pillow of solid rock Bathing in the city's aqueduct

You might need somethin' to hold on to When all the answers they don't amount to much Somebody that you can just talk to And a little of that human touch

Easy street, a quick buck, and true lies Smiles as thin as those dusky blue skies

I'm running through the forest With this wolf at my heels My king is lost at midnight When the tower bells peal

Forty-one shots and we'll take that ride Across the bloody river to the other side Forty-one shots cut through the night You're kneeling over his body in the vestibule Praying for his life

Let your mind rest easy Sleep well my friend It's only our bodies that betray us in the end

Well now the years have gone and I've grown yeah from that seed you've sown But I didn't think there'd been so many steps I'd have to learn on my own Well I was young and I didn't know what to do when I saw your best steps stolen away from you Now I'll do what I can, I'll walk like a man And I'll keep on walking

I got a house full of Rembrandt and priceless art And all the little girls, they wanna tear me apart When I walk down the street, people stop and stare Well, you'd think I might be thrilled but baby I don't care 'Cause I got more good luck honey than old King Farouk But the only thing I ain't got, baby, I ain't got you

Coming from the city, coming from the wild I see a breathless army breaking like a cloud They're going to smother love, they're going to shoot your hopes Before the meek inherit they'll learn to hate themselves

Got on a dead man's suit and a smiling skull ring Lucky graveyard boots and a song to sing I keep my heart in my work, my troubles in my head And I keep my soul in Maria's bed

"Every cloud has a silver lining, every dog has his day" She said "Now don't say nothing If you don't have something nice to say

Now Billy was an honest man, he wanted to do what was right He worked hard to fill their lives with happy days and loving night Alone on his knees in the darkness for steadiness he'd pray For he knew in a restless heart the seed of betrayal lay

Whose blood will spill, whose heart will break Who'll be the last to die for a mistake

Well I awoke last night in the dark and dreamy deep From my head to my feet my body's gone stone cold There were worms crawling all around me My fingers scratching at an earth black and six foot low Alone in the blackness of my grave Alone I'd been left to die Then I heard voices calling all around me The earth rose above me My eyes filled with sky

Plastics, wire and your kiss The breath of eternity on your lips

For a while you'll go sparkling by Just another pretty thing on high

Don't know when this chance might come again Good times got a way of coming to an end

I search for you on the other side Where the river runs clean and wide Up to my heart, the waters rise

Hell's brewing, dark sun's on the rise This storm will blow through, by and by House is on fire, vipers in the grass Little revenge and this too shall pass This too shall pass, darling, yeah I'm going to pray Right now, all I got is this lonesome day

I love to see your hair shining In the long summer's light I love to watch the stars fill the sky On a summer night The music plays you take his hand I watch how you touch him as you start to dance And I wish I were blind When I see you with your man

Rising from a long night as dark as the grave On a thin chain of next moments and something like faith

Ain't no church bells ringing Ain't no flags unfurled Just me and you and the love we're bringing Into the real world

A silver plate of pearls, my golden child It's all yours, at least for a little while

I got a picture of you in my locket I keep it close to my heart This light shining in my breast Leading me through the dark

The times, they got too clear So you removed all the mirrors Once the family felt secure Now no one's very sure

I've got my finger on the trigger And tonight faith just ain't enough When I look inside my heart There's just devils and dust

I feel my soul waist deep and sinking Into this black river of doubt

Where the road is dark and the seed is sowed Where the gun is cocked and the bullet's cold Where the miles are marked in blood and gold I'll meet you further on up the road

In the garden at Gethsemane He prayed for the life he'd never live He beseeched his Heavenly Father to remove The cup of death from his lips

I love to see the cottonwood blossom In the early spring I love to see the message of love That the bluebird brings But when I see you walkin' with him Down along the strand I wish I were blind When I see you with your man

I hold you in my arms, yeah that's when it starts I seek faith in your kiss and comfort in your heart Taste the seed upon your lips, lay my tongue upon your scars When I look into your eyes and we stand worlds apart

Now's there's tears on the pillow, darling, where we slept And you took my heart when you left Without your sweet kiss my soul is lost, my friend Tell me how do I begin again?

May your strength give us strength May your faith give us faith May your hope give us hope May your love give us love

We took the highway till the road went black We marked 'Truth Or Consequences' on our map

We'll let blood build a bridge over mountains draped in stars I'll meet you on the ridge between these worlds apart We've got this moment now to live, then it's all just dust and dark Let's let love give what it gives

Now no one knows which way love's wheel turns Will we hit it rich Or crash and burn Does fortune wait or just the black hand of fate This love potion's all we've got One toast before it's too late

And the things of the earth, they make their claim That the things of heaven may do the same

God's drifting in heaven, devil's in the mailbox I got dust on my shoes, nothing but teardrops

I got a pound of caviar sitting home on ice I got a fancy foreign car that rides like paradise I got a hundred pretty women knockin' down my door And folks wanna kiss me I ain't even seen before I been around the world and all across the seven seas Been paid a king's ransom for doin' what comes naturally But I'm still the biggest fool, honey, this world ever knew 'Cause the only thing I ain't got, baby, I ain't got you

But love is a power greater than death, just like the songs and stories told And when she built you, brother, she broke the mold

Well, big wheels roll through fields where sunlight streams Meet me in a land of hope and dreams

Alone I limp through town A lost cowboy at sundown Got my monkey on a leash Got my ear tuned to the ground My faith's been torn asunder Tell me is that rolling thunder Or just the sinking sound Of something righteous going under

Men walking 'long the railroad tracks Going someplace, there's no going back Highway patrol choppers coming up over the ridge Hot soup on a campfire under the bridge Shelter line stretching 'round the corner Welcome to the new world order Families sleeping in the cars in the southwest No home, no job, no peace, no rest

Sometimes the truth just ain't enough Or is it too much in times like this Let's throw the truth away, we'll find it in this kiss In your skin upon my skin in the beating of our hearts May the living let us in before the dead tear us apart

So hold me close honey, say you're forever mine And tell me you'll be my lonely valentine

There's spirits above and behind me Faces gone black, eyes burning bright May their precious blood bind me Lord, as I stand before your fiery light

Girl ain't no kindness in the face of strangers Ain't gonna find no miracles here Well you can wait on your blessings darlin' But I got a deal for you right here

Familiar faces around me Laughter fills the air Your loving grace surrounds me Everybody's here Furniture's out on the front porch Music's up loud I dream of you in my arms I lose myself in the crowd

Woke up election day Sky's gunpowder and shades of grey Beneath the dirty sun I whistle my time away Then just about sundown You come walking through town Your boot heels clicking like The barrel of a pistol spinning round

Well, it ain't no secret I've been around a time or two Well, I don't know baby maybe you've been around too Well, there's another dance All you gotta do is say yes And if you're rough and ready for love Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

The fuse is burning Shut out the lights The fuse is burning Come on let me do you right

When I look at myself I don't see The man I wanted to be Somewhere 'long the line I slipped off track I'm caught moving one step up and two steps back

Days just keep on falling Your voice it keeps on calling I'm going to dig right here until I get you back

I was driving through the misty rain Just a-searching for a mystery train Bopping through the wild blue Trying to make a connection with you

It's been a long long drought baby Tonight the rain's pourin' down on our roof Looking for a little bit of God's mercy I found living proof

I always loved the feel of sweat on my shirt Stand back son and let a man work

Well, it's Saturday night You're all dressed up in blue I been watching you awhile Maybe you been watching me, too So somebody ran out Left somebody's heart in a mess Well, if you're looking for love Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

It's been a long time coming, my dear It's been a long time coming, but now it's here

It takes a leap of faith to get things going It takes a leap of faith you gotta show some guts It takes a leap of faith to get things going In your heart you must trust

Fear's a powerful thing, baby It can turn your heart black, you can trust It'll take your God-filled soul And fill it with devils and dust

Well above the stars they crackle and fire A dead man's moon throws seven rings We'd put our ears to the cold grave stones This is the song they'd sing

A letter come blowing in On an ill wind Something about me and you Never seeing one another again And what I knew had come Stars struck deaf and dumb Like when we kissed That taste of blood on your tongue

The sun sets in flames as the city burns Another day gone down as the night turns And I hold you here in my heart As things fall apart

Now the ritual begins 'Neath the wedding garland we meet as strangers The dance floor is alive with beauty Mystery and danger We dance out 'neath the stars' ancient light into the darkening trees Oh won't you baby be in my book of dreams

For you I'll build a house High upon a grassy hill Somewhere across the border Where pain and memory Pain and memory have been stilled There, across the border And sweet blossoms fill the air Pastures of gold and green Roll down into cool clear waters And in your arms beneath open skies I'll kiss the sorrow from your eyes There, across the border

An endless stream of stars shooting by You got your hopes on high

I ain't lookin' for prayers or pity I ain't comin' 'round searchin' for a crutch I just want someone to talk to And a little of that human touch

World peace gonna break out From here on in, we're eating take out

Tonight the moon's looking young but I'm feelin' younger 'Neath a veil of dreams sweet blessings rain Honey I can feel the first breeze of summer And in your love I'm born again

I see you Mary in the garden In the garden of a thousand sighs There's holy pictures of our children Dancing in a sky filled with light

I got a big diamond watch sittin' on my wrist I try to tempt you, baby, but you just resist I made a deal with the devil, babe, I won't deny Until I got you in my arms, I can't be satisfied

And though this world is filled With the grace and beauty of God's hand Oh I wish I were blind When I see you with your man

The sky was falling And streaked with blood I heard you calling me Then you disappeared into the dust

Well, you get so sick of the fighting You lose your fear of the end But I can't lose your memory And the sweet smell of your skin

Love leaves nothin' but shadows and vapor We go on, as is our sad nature, baby

And we're walkin' on the wildside, runnin' down a one way street

You're dancin' with him he's holding you tight I'm standing here waitin' to catch your eye Your hand's on his neck as the music sways All my illusions slip away

If I'm going to live I'll lift my life Darling, to you

The scars we carry remain but the pain slips away it seems Oh won't you baby be in my book of dreams

So listen up, my sonny boy, be ready when they come For they'll be returning sure as the rising sun

I woke up this morning I could barely breathe Just an empty impression In the bed where you used to be I want a kiss from your lips I want an eye for an eye I woke up this morning to an empty sky

The earth, it gave away The sea rose towards the sun I opened up my heart to you It got all damaged and undone

May I feel your arms around me May I feel your blood mix with mine A dream of life comes to me Like a catfish dancing on the end of the line

Now your legs were heaven your breasts were the altar Your body was the holy land You shouted "jump" but my heart faltered You laughted and said "Baby don't you understand?"

I can't sleep so I lay awake listenin' to the sounds of the city below I get dressed and walk the streets but I got nowhere to go

Feelin' like a real man Well you can beat on your chest Hell any monkey can

These days I sit around and laugh At the many rivers I've crossed But on the far banks there's always another forest Where a man can get lost

We struggle here but all our love's in vain Oh these eyes that once filled me with your beauty Now fill me with pain And the light that once entered here Is banished from me And this darkness is all baby that my heart sees

Well if something in the air feels a little unkind Don't worry darlin' It'll slip your mind I'll be your gypsy joker your shotgun rider Baby let me be your soul driver

Well this is a prayer for the souls of the departed Those who've gone and left their babies brokenhearted

I was your big man I was your prince charming King on a white horse hey now look how far I've fallen I tried to trick you yeah but baby you got wise You cut me cut me right right down to size Now I'm just a fool in Gloria's eyes

I been up on sugar mountain, 'cross the sweet blue sea I walked the valley of love and tears and mystery I got run out'a luck and gave myself up for dead And I drank the cool clear waters from Maria's bed

And when that train comes we'll get on board And steal what we can from the treasures treasures of the Lord

A half-drunk beer and your breath in my ear At the Moonlight Motel

American beauty will you be mine Out on this highway counting white lines

And it’s all lies but I’m strung out on the wire In these streets of fire

and it’s one false move and baby the lights go out

And she’s so pretty that you’re lost in the star

And the world is busting at its seams And you’re just a prisoner of your dreams

And you’re in love with all the wonder it brings And every muscle in your body sings as the highway ignites

As you jockey your way through the cars And sit at the light, as it changes to green With your faith in your machine off you scream into the night

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet And a freight train running through the middle of my head

At night sometimes it seemed You could hear the whole damn city crying

Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of a Dodge Drinking warm beer in the soft summer rain

Blame it on the lies that killed us, Blame it on the truth that ran us down

But all her pretty dreams are torn, She stares off alone into the night

But I ride by night and I travel in fear That in this darkness I will disappear

But they said, “Johnny, it falls apart so easily, and you know hearts these days are cheap”

But tonight you’re gonna break on through to the inside

But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold

Calling and calling so cold and alone Shining cross this dark highway where our sins lie unatoned

Dress in the latest rage

Driving all night, chasing some mirage

Eat at your insides and leave you face to face with Streets of fire

Everything dies baby that’s a fact But maybe everything that dies someday comes back

Explode and tear this old town apart Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart

For one kiss, darling I swear everything I would give Cause you’re a walking, talking reason to live

from the dark heart of a dream

From your front porch to my front seat, The door’s open but the ride ain’t free

He tried sellin’ his heart to the hard girls over on Easy Street

I don’t give a damn For the same old played out scenes Baby, I don’t give a damn For just the in-betweens Honey

I hear that whistle whining I feel her kiss in the misty rain And I feel like I’m a rider on a downbound train

I lie awake in the middle of the night Makin’ a list of things that I didn’t do right With you at the top of a long page filled

I see that lonely ribbon in your hair Tell me am I the man for whom you put it there

I took a wrong turn and I just kept going

I walk with angels that have no place

I’m a rolling stone just rolling on Catch me now ‘cause tomorrow I’ll be gone

I’m caught in a cross fire That I don’t understand

I’m twenty five hundred miles from where I wanna be It feels like a hundred years since you’ve been near to me

In this house it’s so easy to set a world on fire, All you need is the need and the money and a soul full of reckless desire

In this house the guilty go unpunished and blood and silence prevail, Here the dead remain nameless, the nameless remain jailed

It’s a long dark highway and a thin white line Connecting baby, your heart to mine, We’re runnin’ now but darlin’ we will stand in time

Just the false taste of paradise and then the fall

Kids flash guitars just like switch-blades

Let your hair down sugar and pick up this beat, Come on and meet me tonight down on Bluebird Street

Like soldiers in the winter’s night with a vow to defend No retreat, baby, no surrender

Lonely-hearted lovers  Struggle in dark corners   Soul engines running through a night so tender

Man I ain’t getting nowhere I’m just living in a dump like this There’s something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is

My brain takes a vacation just to give my heart more room

My kisses used to turn you inside out

Now the heart’s unsteady, and the night is still All I’ve got’s this melody, and time to kill

Oh-oh come take my hand, We’re riding out tonight to case the promised land, Oh-oh-oh-oh Thunder Road

Outside the street’s on fire In a real death waltz Between what’s flesh and what’s fantasy And the poets down here Don’t write nothing at all They just stand back and let it all be

Radio’s jammed up with talk show stations It’s just talk, talk, talk till you lose your patience

remember last summer drifting through our eyes

Show a little faith there’s magic in the night, You ain’t a beauty but hey you’re alright

So come close my pretty darling and let me feel your disease, Tonight I’ll have you naked and crawling at the end of my leash

So you fell for some jerk who was tall, dark and handsome Then he kidnapped your heart and now he’s holdin’ it for ransom

Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull

Standing in that doorway like a dream

Talk about a dream Try to make it real You wake up in the night With a fear so real

That secret pact you made Back when her love could save you From the bitterness

That thunder in your heart At night when you’re kneeling in the dark It says you’re never gonna leave her But there’s this angel in her eyes That tells such desperate lies And all you want to do is believe her

The book of love holds its rules Disobeyed by fools

The hungry and the hunted Explode into rock'n'roll bands That face off against each other out in the street Down in Jungleland

The rat traps filled with soul crusaders, The circuits lined and jammed with chromed invaders

The screen door slams, Mary’s dress waves Like a vision, she dances across the porch As the radio plays Roy Orbison singing for the lonely, Hey that’s me and I want you only

The teenage tramps in skin-tight pants do the E Street dance

There were ghosts in the eyes Of all the boys you sent away, They haunt this dusty beach road In the skeleton frames of burned-out Chevrolets.

There’s a darkness on the edge of town

there’s a joke here somewhere and it’s on me

There’s a war outside still raging You say it ain’t ours anymore to win

Theres a sadness hidden in that pretty face, a sadness all her own, from which no man can keep Candy safe

These days you don’t wait on Romeo’s you wait on that welfare check

They say in the end true love prevails But in the end true love can’t be no fairytale

They say you gotta stay hungry hey baby I’m just about starving tonight

They scream your name at night in the street, Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet, And in the lonely cool before dawn, You hear their engines roaring on, When you get to the porch they’re gone On the wind

True love is broken and your tears are fallin’ faster You’re sufferin’ from a pain in your heart or some other natural disaster

Two hearts are better than one, Two hearts girl get the job done

Waiting for the bells that ring In the deep heart of the night

Waste your summer praying in vain, For a saviour to rise from these streets

We got married, and swore we’d never part Then little by little we drifted from each other’s hearts

We got one last chance to make it real, To trade in these wings on some wheels, Climb in back, Heaven’s waiting down on the tracks

We kiss, my hearts pumpin to my brain the blood rushes in my veins, when I touch Candys lips, We go driving, driving deep into the night, I go driving deep into the light, in Candys eyes

We shut ‘em up and than we shut ‘em down

we’re gonna ride to the sea And wash these sins off our hands.

Well I saw you last night down on the avenue Your face was in the shadows but I knew that it was you You were standin’ in the doorway out of the rain You didn’t answer when I called out your name You just turned, and then you looked away like just another stranger waitin’ to get blown away

Well the night’s busting open, These two lanes will take us anywhere

Well, everybody’s got a secret, Sonny, Something that they just can’t face, Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it, They carry it with them every step that they take.

Well, I believe in the love that you gave me I believe in the faith that can save me

Where we swore forever friends On the backstreets until the end

With a love so hard and filled with defeat

With her long hair falling And her eyes that shine like a midnight sun Oh she’s the one

Words were passed in a shotgun blast

You can hide 'neath your covers, And study your pain, Make crosses from your lovers, Throw roses in the rain

You can’t judge an apple by looking at a tree, You can’t judge honey by looking at the bee,  You can’t judge a daughter by looking at the mother, You can’t judge a book by looking at the cover

You don’t have to call me lieutenant, Rosie, and I don’t want to be your son

You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much Till you spend half your life just covering up

You inherit the sins, you inherit the flames, Adam raised a Cain

You know it’s never over, it’s relentless as the rain, Daddy worked his whole life, for nothing but the pain

You never smile girl, you never speak You just walk on by, darlin’, week after week

You pulled my jacket off and as the drummer counted four You grabbed my hand and pulled me out on the floor You just stood there and held me, then you started dancin’ slow And as I pulled you tighter I swore I’d never let you go

You sit and wonder just who’s gonna stop the rain Who’ll ease the sadness, who’s gonna quiet the pain

You wake up and you’re dying you don’t even know what from

You walk cool, but darlin’, can you walk the

You walk too far, you walk away Hello sunshine, won’t you stay

I thought I knew just who I was And what I’d do but I was wrong One minute you’re here Next minute you’re gone

Footsteps cracklin’ on a gravel road Stars vanish in a sky as black as stone

In the afternoon 'neath the summer sun We’d lie by the lake till the evening comes I run my fingers through your sun-streaked hair Baby, that’s the power of prayer

It’s a fixed game without any rules An empty table on a ship of fools I’m holding hearts, I’ll play the pair Darling, it’s just the power of prayer

I’m holding hearts, I’ll play the pair I’m goin’ all in 'cause I don’t care

I’m reaching for heaven, we’ll make it there

Zero’s my number, time is my hunter I wanted you to heal me but instead you set me on fire We were out over the borders, I washed you in holy water We whispered our black prayers and rose up in flames Take me on your burnin’ train

White sun burnin’, black wings beatin’

With our shared faith Rising dark and decayed Take me and shake me from this mortal cage

On your bed of thorns, I brought you shining gifts Wiped the sweat from your brow and I touched your lips Sheets stained with sweat, outside the endless rain Darlin’, I’m blessed in your blood and marked by Cain

Tried to summon all that my heart finds true And send it in my letter to you

Things I found out through hard times and good I wrote 'em all out in ink and blood Dug deep in my soul and signed my name true And sent it in my letter to you

I took all the sunshine and rain All my happiness and all my pain The dark evening stars and the morning sky of blue And I sent it in my letter to you

There’s a light on yonder mountain And it’s calling me to shine There’s a girl over by the water fountain And she’s asking to be mine

Well sweet Virgin Mary runs the Holy Grail saloon Well for a nickel she’ll give you whiskey and a personally blessed balloon

And the Holy Ghost is the host with the most, he runs the burlesque show Where they’ll let you in for free and they hit you when you go

Mary serving Mass on Sunday and she sells her body on Monday To the bootlegger who paid the highest price He don’t know he got stuck with a loser, she’s a stone junkie what’s more she’s a user She’s only been made once or twice by some kind of magic

If Jesus was a sheriff and I were a priest If my lady was an heiress and my Mama was a thief And Papa rode shotgun on the Fargo line There’s still too many outlaws trying to work the same line

Well things ain’t been the same in heaven since Big Bad Bobby came to town He’s been known to down eleven, then ask for another round

Me I’ve got scabs on my knees from kneeling way too long It’s about time I played the man, took a stand where I belong

And I forget about the old friends and the old times There’s just too many new boys trying to work the same line

Hands raised to Yahweh to bring the rain down He comes crawlin’ 'cross the dry fields like a dark shroud

Rainmaker, a little faith for hire Rainmaker, the house is on fire Rainmaker, take everything you have Sometimes folks need to believe in something so bad, so bad,

Rainmaker says white’s black and black’s white Says night’s day and day’s night Says close your eyes and go to sleep now I’m in a burnin’ field unloadin’ buckshot into low clouds

The blood moon shines across the vale Bells ring out through churches and jails I tally my wounds and count the scars Here in the house of a thousand guitars

The criminal clown has stolen the throne He steals what he can never own May the truth ring out from every small-town bar We’ll light up the house of a thousand guitars

Here the bitter and the bored Wake in search of the lost chord That’ll band us together for as long as there’s stars Here in the house of a thousand guitars

So wake and shake off your troubles, my friend We’ll go where the music never ends From the stadiums to the small-town bars We’ll light up the house of a thousand guitars

The road is long and seeming without end The days go on, I remember you my friend And though you’re gone and my heart’s been emptied it seems I’ll see you in my dreams

I’ll see you in my dreams when all our summers have come to an end I’ll see you in my dreams, we’ll meet and live and laugh again I’ll see you in my dreams, yeah around the river bend For death is not the end

Well how many wasted have I seen signed “Hollywood or bust” And left to ride the ever ghostly Arizona gusts Cheerleader tramps and kids with big amps sounding in the void High society vamps, ex-heavyweight champs mistaking soot for soil

Well sons they search for fathers, but the fathers are all gone The lost souls search for saviors, but saviors don’t last long

Those aimless questless renegade brats who live their lives in song They run the length of a candle, with a goodnight whisper and they’re gone

Believe me my good Linda, the aurora will shine the way

Those orphans jumped on silver mountains lost in celestial alleyways They wait for that old tramp Dog Man Moses, he takes in all the strays

Now don’t you grow on empty legends or lonely cradle songs Billy the Kid was just a bowery boy who made a living twirling his guns

The night she’s long and lanky and she speaks in a mother tongue She lullabies the refugees with amplifier’s hum

I hear the sound of your guitar Comin’ in from the mystic far Stone and the gravel in your voice Come in my dreams and I rejoice

It’s your ghost Moving through the night Spirit filled with light

Count the band in then kick into overdrive By the end of the set we leave no one alive

I shoulder your Les Paul and finger the fretboard I make my vows to those who’ve come before I turn up the volume, let the spirits be my guide Meet you brother and sister on the other side

All the redemption I can offer girl Is beneath this dirty hood

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

(How to Break the) Alibi Armistice

So, @gallavictorious and I were talking about the logistic problems with Mickey and Terry (a) wanting to brutally murder one other and (b) frequenting the same places. (Read: The Alibi Room.) Could be sorted by Terry just going the hell away, of course, but where's the fun in that? (Okay, sure, there's some fun in Mickey murdering the shit out of Terry, but that's such a simplistic solution and we're sophisticated women. Also, you can only kill him once, but you can make his life miserable forever.)

Anyway. We're thinking it might go down a little like this:

The first time they see Terry after the wedding is at the Alibi. He isn’t alone, but he’s the only one that matters considering the whole burning-down-their-venue debacle. And yeah, they could probably have played it cool, ignored him —  not like he’d do something with a whole bar full of witnesses, right? But Ian still suggests they go home or come back later, which Mickey is not having.

“I’ve been drinking here since I was fourteen. I’m not fucking leaving. He tries to start shit, I will sink his teeth so deep into that bar that he’ll be shitting splinters for weeks.” 

So that’s that. 

Mickey heads to the bar, but before he can order, Terry does indeed step in to start shit. Mickey doesn’t really pay attention to what he says — something about not serving pansies here or whatever the fuck. He’s too busy cataloguing the various ways he can get Terry alone for a few minutes in the alley before Ian wises up. Then he realizes that oh, they’re already in each other’s faces and oh, they’ve got each other by the collar. The fuck did that happen?

Things would have turned bloody then – which would have suited Mickey just fine – had Kev not stepped in and calmly declared that if either of them started whaling on the other, they'd both be banned from the bar. Forever. 

That actually gives them pause. The Alibi's a shit hole, but it's their shit hole and has been for a long time.

Terry's blood-shot eyes turn from Mickey to Kev; the malevolence remains. “You try to stop me from coming here, I'll come back with a goddamn flame-thrower.”

If Kev is unnerved, he doesn't show it. “I don't wanna stop anybody from coming here. But if you do, you have to play nice. No murdering each other. No violence.”

And of course, Mickey is far from amused because, “You came to our fucking wedding, but you won't take sides when the asshole who tried to murder us picks a fight?” Deep down, though, he gets it. The Alibi Room has always been neutral ground. Besides, it's not like Terry's fucking joking about burning the thing down, so. It is what it is.

And maybe no one likes it, maybe no one is totally happy in the end, but they both reluctantly agree, to everyone else's great relief. Kev doesn't try anything as stupid as making them shake hands; he just waits until Terry has retreated to the pool table before pouring Mickey a beer and a shot and asking Ian how's work. 

That’s how the truce is born.

It even lasts for a while, to the utter bafflement of everyone on the South Side, from the transplanted gentrifying assholes to the lifers. Truth be told, it’s mostly due to neither party having much opportunity, or reason, to break the rules. When Ian and Mickey are at the Alibi, Terry generally isn’t; they assume that he visits during their longer stints drinking at home when the money is tighter and Kev less free with the booze. 

Sometimes, Ian will see him there when he stops in on his own, and they ignore each other like they always have whenever Terry isn’t suspecting Ian of sleeping with one of his kids—or catching him at it. Other times, Mickey’s the one who spots him, but Terry doesn’t seem very interested in forcing a confrontation when Mickey’s husband isn’t standing beside him like the tallest, orangest fucking pride flag in Chicago. Doesn’t mean Mickey isn’t occasionally tempted to stick his foot up the bastard’s ass, but Kev always manages to shoot him a glance in silent reminder and he grudgingly downs his glass before hightailing it out every time.

It works. They drink, and nobody leaves in a body bag. All in all, the ceasefire is a success: Kev gets to run his business in peace, and while nobody really wins, nobody really loses either. 

At least not until peace gets boring as hell. 

It happens on a Thursday, and the evening starts off just like any other night they've managed to ditch their responsibilities at the house: they meet up at the Alibi after work for drinks and a chance to be just Ian and Mickey rather than uncles/brothers/responsible adults. Like any other night, they're talking and laughing and Ian has one beer, Mickey three.

It's not very exciting, maybe, but it's theirs and it's nice – until Terry steps through the door with Uncle Ronnie in tow. It takes the evil fucker all of two seconds to spot Mickey, then spot his husband too, seated in one of the booths at the far side of the room. For a moment, father and son simply stare at each other, and had anyone else dared to look for more than the briefest of moments, they'd have seen the cold rage slowly give way to cunning malevolence on Terry's face. He doesn't say anything; he orders a beer and heads straight for the pool table and tells Uncle Ronnie to rack up. 

And then Terry starts talking. Keeping his eyes on the game, on Uncle Ronnie, on anything that isn't Ian and Mickey—he talks, loudly and at length, of what he did to this queer and that, in prison and outside. 

These...are not nice stories. Not very detailed, true, but...yeah. They're not nice.

There's a hush growing in the bar, as patron after patron falls silent, and their eyes dart between the foulmouthed man by the pool table and his son, still and stone-faced at a table nearby. Behind the counter, Kev stands frozen in the process of wiping down a foggy glass, watching and waiting to see if he should grab the broom now or later. 

“He's just trying to provoke you,” Ian says urgently, and his voice is almost steady in spite of it taking damn near everything he has not to get up and run Terry through with the damn cue stick. “He wants you to go for him. Break the truce, get barred.” 

His eyes are on Mickey's face, intent and ready to jump into action the second Mickey makes his move. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

And here's the thing: Mickey sounds calm. This doesn't reassure Ian, because Mickey calm sometimes just means him taking a second to savor the fact that he's about to unleash absolute hell, but then Mickey shifts his gaze from his utter asshole of a father and to Ian. There's a small smile on his lips; it's a sharp thing, true, but a smile all the same. “He wants fucking queer? We'll give him fucking queer.” And he reaches out for Ian and pulls him into a long, hard kiss.

It takes a second for Ian’s brain to reboot enough to break away, hissing, “In front of your dad?!”

“The fuck’s it look like?”

“He’s gonna kill you. Then I’ll be a widower for three seconds until he kills me.”

Mickey’s eyebrows don’t slam into his hairline, but it’s a near miss. “What, are you scared, Gallagher?”

Ian…isn’t. He used to be scared of Terry back when they were kids and he was this dark, shadowy figure who could make Mickey do whatever he wanted simply by virtue of being his father. But they are past that. Terry, like Frank, is old. Terry, like Frank, doesn’t have any power over his kids now. Terry is a blot on their past, but he has no bearing on their future. 

Which is exactly what Mickey’s getting at. 

So Ian shrugs and Mickey nods like he did at the docks, not having to say uh huh, that’s what I thought.

And he leans back in because hey, if Terry does kill them, at least they’ll make it worth the trouble. 

It’s a little awkward, what with the table between them, but they have long been pros at not being kept apart. Leaning over the table, Ian cradles the back of Mickey’s head; Mickey’s hand is on Ian’s neck and the other on his upper arm, clutching at the fabric of his jacket. There's nothing chaste about this, nothing sweet. It's desire and defiance, lips and tongues and teeth, Mickey's fingers digging into Ian's arm, Ian's twisting in Mickey's hair as he pulls him closer, closer, closer. 

(It's another thing Ian blames and hates Terry for. Mickey loves to kiss, loves being kissed, and yet he wouldn't allow it, not for their first year and not for much of their second. No matter how often they stop for a playful peck or something more serious and passionate now, they'll never make up for those lost years and all the kisses they should have shared then.

They sure as hell can try, though.)

It goes on and on. The initial frustration shifts into something softer and more real as any thought of Terry – or anyone – fades and becomes a faraway thing. There is Mickey and there is Ian, and the taste and the smell and feel of the other, and they've done this a thousands times and yet – 

And yet.

And yet it takes a distant vibration and the sound of glass on wood before they hear Kev clear his throat. “Uh, he’s gone. Been gone for ten minutes.” 

Mickey pulls back first and leans over to see past Ian’s shoulder that yeah, Terry’s gone. Nobody appears to be talking about him or them either, so Kev probably isn’t exaggerating about how long they’ve obliviously been at it, especially considering he’s got that dumb smirk on and won’t meet their gazes as he turns back towards the bar. 

And speaking of dumb, Ian is still staring at him like he did after their first kiss, all gooey and gross as if they haven’t done this so often that none of the Gallaghers even complain anymore. Jesus. Leave it to Ian not to have learned how to play shit cool after all these years. 

But what can a guy do when Mickey’s husband is watching him like he farts rainbows, and like he doesn’t give a shit about why they’d attacked each other’s faces in the first place? Mickey doesn’t blame him; he’s having a hard time remembering too right now.

He dives back in, because why not? Their ceasefire says no violence, so (almost) any and all displays of affection are well within the rules. He puts his hand on the side of Ian’s neck where it’s always fit best and reels Ian in, despite how much easier it would’ve been to get on his side of the booth this time. 

“Thought this was about your dad,” Ian mutters into his lips because of course he can’t shut his mouth to save his life.

Mickey shrugs - “Fuck ‘im” - and gives him something better to do with that mouth.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[tinselemmy]

Unexpected Visits | Self Para

Hitting send on her phone, Rachael had just texted Ben the address of the restaurant she’d booked to have his birthday dinner at. She’d rented out one of his favorites for a few hours, so it would just be the two of them. She knew he wanted to keep things low-key, even if he’d been out here making all sorts of announcements for himself for his birthday. But that was different. He was fulfilling one of his lifelong dreams, putting out his new music. But when it came to actually celebrate him, she knew he’d appreciate the privacy.

He’d been off at a meeting and she still had a few more hours before meeting him, so she got in her car and headed to her place. She was wondering if she should just sell the place. What was the point? They’d basically been living together for the last few months. Sure it started out because Matt started coming around again, but there hadn’t been an incident or sighting in weeks. She was sure he’d gotten sick of his twisted mind games and gave up, which was a relief. She contemplated talking to Ben about it later, about officially moving in, selling her place. But maybe his birthday wasn’t the best time to bring it up. She wanted to keep things light for him on his day, and didn’t want him to feel pressured. Honestly, though? Her house was pretty empty at this point of anything important to her. Sure the furniture was still there, but now it was mostly stuff she just didn’t need on the daily. However, she did know the dress she wanted to wear tonight was hanging in her closet.

Exiting the car, the blonde fished around her key chain for her house key. It had been a good two or three weeks since she and Ben had been to the house to get stuff since she’d finally remembered to have her mail forwarded. She was sure he’d be upset that she went here without him, he still seemed on pretty high alert when it came to what had happened. But she didn’t want to live her life in fear. She’d gotten the restraining order put back in place, so she was pretty positive that was another factor of why Matt had stopped the calls and the notes and the drivebys. Besides, she was just going to pop in, grab the dress, then go back to Ben’s to get ready for the night. What was the worst that could happen?

Opening the door, Rachael left the keys in the bowl as she always did. Maybe if she’d gone into the kitchen or looked around some more, she might have noticed something a little different, a little off about the place. But she hadn’t. She’d been focused on what she’d come here to do. So up the stairs, she went. She didn’t bother turning on the light in her room as she went straight for her walk-in closet, flicking the light on in there. Seeing the white and light blue flowy dress she was looking for she grabbed the hanger, tossing it over her arm. She was about to exit but instead bent down to grab a pair of heels first. Shutting the light off in the closet, she made her way back into her room, but couldn’t do more than gasp at what she’d walked into.

Matt. Lazily laying on the bed in front of her. “Honey, you’re home,” he said in an unamused tone, propping himself up a little, a small cocky smirk playing at his lips. “Been waiting here for weeks, where’ve you been?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“You can’t be here,” she finally managed to say, a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Just leave before I call the cops, Matt. Because I will, you know I will,” she said trying to stay calm, her hand reaching behind her to pull out the phone in her back pocket that wasn’t there -- of course she’d left it in the car. Rachael you dumb cow, she thought.

“Well,” he said now getting off the bed and coming closer to her, “Doesn’t seem like you have your phone, and you rudely disconnected the landline here a few days ago so the wifi’s been out, I’ve had way too much time on my hands without it,” he said with a shake of his head, stopping just before her, reaching out as if to caress her cheek.

“You’ve been living here?” she questioned in disbelief. This was really so much worse than she’d thought and her head instinctively moved away at the mere thought of his touch.

“Living, waiting, call it whatever you want,” Matt said with a shrug, but his easy-going nature quickly fell away when Rachael had moved away from him. “Now see, why do you gotta do that? You’re my fiance, you should want me to touch you. Look, we fought, needed some time to cool off. Years, but I’m better now so we can just go back to how it was,” he said.

Rachael couldn’t help the dumbfound look that fell on her face at his words. She knew Matt had problems. A lot of them. And sadly, she wasn’t his only victim. But this? This was crazy. Delusional, even. “Matt, we’re not....we haven’t been together in over 10 years,” she said, feeling herself starting to slowly back away. Should she make a run for it? “You know that I’m with Ben now, and if you really do love me you’d want me to be happy,” she said holding out her hand that still had the dress draped over it, trying to reason with him, “So please. Just leave. I won’t call the cops, I’ll leave and I won’t tell anyone. I promise. Just go get yourself some help,” she told him.

He had remained calm until she’d said she was with someone else. That was when the man actually snapped. Seizing the blonde by the hair before she could get out of arms reach, her dragged her forward, bringing her inches from his own face “Well I guess that’s where you’re wrong, huh? Because I do love you, but you can’t be happy with anyone but me,” he said.

Dropping the items in her hand, she couldn’t help the cry that came out as he suddenly had her by the hair. This was bad. He had the same look in his eyes the night he’d first attacked her back in Rome, but worse. Tears were already in her eyes as he gripped her by the back of the head tighter. “Please,” was really the only thing she could seem to say at the moment.

  Her pleading only seemed to make him angrier. How couldn’t she see that it was them together or nothing? She’d promised to always love him, that she’d marry him, now she was renewing the restraining order and with someone else? The very sick man couldn’t wrap his head around it. Instead, the fiery pit of anger inside him raged higher. Sweeping her legs from under her the man forced her to the ground as he crouched over her, his hands moving to her neck as he began to squeeze. “It didn’t have to be this way, Rach,” he said.

She’d hit the flood with a hard thud, but she didn’t have too much to react to the pain in her back as she realized what he was about to do. She tried to scream, but she couldn’t. She tried to fight and kick, but he pinned her legs down. Her arms whaled about as she tried to knock him off of her or wiggle her way free, but nothing was working, and quickly the black was coming, she could see it. She should have never come here alone was the last thing she’d thought before the blackness came and finally engulfed her as her limp body lay still on the floor.

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

I can’t wait for all your depraved stories around the garbage fire tonight! How about mixing and matching some fun kinks with your AUs of shame! Breeding kink, exhibitionism, biting/bruising/marking kink. Who’s most in to what?

@safarigirlsp OMFG I OWE YOU ALL THE GARBAGE TONIGHT HOLY SHIT IT’S BEEN A MINUTE SINCE I WROTE SOME CRACK THOTS ON THESE BOIS I MISSED THEM!🥴

LET’S START OFF WITH THE BIG BAD GUNS HIMSELF... MY PIRATE KING FLIP BLOWHOLE CAPTAIN OF THE FUCKING JOLLY ROGER AND THE BLACK PEARL BECAUSE THIS IS FUCKIN’ FAN FICTION SO WE MAY AS WELL FUCKIN’ LET ALL THE PIRATE JOKES SWIRL TOGETHER IN A GODDAMN WHIRLPOOL OF DESPAIR!

 Captain Phillip “Blowhole” Zimmerman is a simple man... he loves the sea, his ship is his baby, rum is his bestie (not including his First Mate, Ron), and he loves to fuck you into absolute oblivion in front of Davey Jones and the entire crew of scallywags daring to eyeball you in passing.

Any time he get’s a hint of another wandering eye looking down that cinched corset dress of yours, gazing at your heaving bosom practically spilling overboard in your corset, he inches a finger in your direction.

Perched upon his captain’s wheel, one knee up like Captain Morgan himself, he coaxes you to him, the more you inch closer, the more his nostrils fill with your sweet coconut scent. 

“Captain?” putting your hands behind your back, shoving your tits out to his hungry gaze, “is something wrong?” playing as dumb as possible to get him even more riled up than he had been seconds prior. 

“You know exactly what you’re doing, lil’ whore,” he spat, burning holes into your eyes as his ambered eyes turned to a raging fire, “assume your goddamn position, slut, I’m gonna make another example outta you seeing as how you and my fuckin’ crew didn’t get it the last few times,” grabbing your waist to thrust you over the banister of the ship, his crew halting their work to watch the show unfold. 

“Look at you,” smoothing over the curve of your ass in the dress, flipping it over to reveal your naked, sopping cunt, “fuckin’ slut!” slapping the shit out of your pussy, causing an ungodly wail to emanate from your vocal cords. 

“You must like being an example to my crew, huh?” gripping your curls in his hand to wrench your neck back, his low growl in your ear causing more liquid to seep from your pulsing cunt. 

“Anything to please you, Captain,” smirking while you pushed your backside to rub on his pants, “I live to serve,” pandering to match his low growl, no doubt feeling his erection rub against your ass. 

“In fact,” pushing yourself flush to his chest, hand still in a death grip on your head as he lowered his face into the crook of your neck, sucking the life out of your pulse, “I think you like makin’ an example outta me, sailor,” snaking a hand to rub his aching erection as his breath hitched from your grip. 

“I’m gonna storm your fuckin’ shores until your wailin’ on my cock sweetheart,” gripping your throat with one hand and batting your hand away to take his cock out of his pants and stuff it fully in, no foreplay necessary seeing as you were soaked as the ocean itself. 

“So. Fuckin’. Bratty.” he thrust in, enunciating his words as you moaned on his large whale cock into complete bliss. 

NOW ONTO OUR NOBLE AND GLISTENING WARRIOR HERO... THIS IS SPARTA. IT’S NO SECRET THAT THIS MAN IS WELL-ENDOWED, AND WITH GREAT POWER, COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY, AKA, HE’S GONNA FUCK AS MANY SONS INTO YOU AS YOU’LL GIVE HIM AND YOU WON’T FUCKIN’ COMPLAIN ABOUT IT EITHER BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ WHORE FOR HIS HORSECOCK!

He’ll be coming back from a warrior training camp, fuckin’ shimmering in the Spartan evening light, clad in his gear, wielding the largest sword he could possibly get his hands on. Sweat covering his large pectorals, his biceps bulging out of his sleeveless uniform as he lowers his shield and weapon into their place in your hut, heaving and wiping the sweat from his brow, moving his hair from his face to glance up at you. 

He takes in the sight of you, clad in your white robes, hair perfectly set as you perched on the loveseat in your shared home, pushing a grape into your perfect mouth, making unholy moans as you gazed into his hungry eyes, eating you alive as you swallowed down the sweet fruit juice. 

“My handsome warrior has finally returned,” you mused, gripping another grape in your perfect fingers, playing with it as you gave him ‘fuck me’ eyes, “I’ve missed you my dove,” slipping it past your perfect lips, closing your eyes in bliss as you devoured the fruit again. 

“My perfect goddess,” moving to kneel at your waist, pushing his head into your chest as he gripped your midsection while you rubbed his hair every so softly, “I’ve missed you, my love,” lifting his head to gaze at you closer, moving in for a loving kiss that turned steamy quickly after. 

“Take me, Phillip,” you gasped, throwing yourself into his embrace as he picked you up from the seat, leading the both of you into the bedroom. 

He lowered you down as if he was handling glass, petting your face as he did so, “take your clothes off my love,” he whispered into the crook of your neck, “I’m gonna stuff you full of my sons,” gripping his lips on your collarbone as he fumbled with his armor, removing it while you did your robes. 

Gazing at your nude figure, spread eagle for him as he gathered his leaking cock in his hand to line up with your perfectly plump pussy, glistening in the candlelight, stuffing his member into your sopping cunt, causing a unanimous moan to emit throughout the room as he pushed further and further into your open womb. 

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST LET’S SADDLE THE FUCK UP AND TALK ABOUT HUCKLEBERRY AND HIS CRAZY BEHAVIORS BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HE’S A HIGHKEY FREAK IN THE SHEETS. HE’S ALL ABOUT HOG-TYING YOU UP... AFTERALL IF YOU’RE BEIN’ A LIL’ BRAT YA GOTTA BE BROKEN LIKE THE PHILLY YOU ARE! 

You know exactly how to get yourself in a pickle with your handsome devil of a cowboy. Know just what triggers him into a full rage... and that’s studding yourself out right in front of him. 

You knew that touch on the thigh by that sleazy ass rustler was too much, but who were you to guess what he’d do. I mean, you did look mighty fine in those tight ass Wranglers, and who were you kidding, you fuckin’ knew you were just hot in general, and you took every chance to use that to your advantage. 

After all, you were doin’ your boy a favor, havin’ pushy buy your rounds for ya as he finished his game of poker at the bar with his buddies. 

What was the damn harm in it to get some free booze? The contact did him in. He noticed it from across the room, practically sniffing it out as his vision shot to that slime ball running his hand where his property was. 

“We’re leavin’ darlin’,” moving to you as he threw his coin on the bar top, gripping your forearm in his large hand to drag you and your bulging tits to the open air of the Colorado night. 

“What the hell Flip?” yelling to let go of his iron grip, moving back towards the saloon doors, “I wasn’t finished with my beer!” crossing your arms after he pulled your waist back to him. 

“You look at me, sugar,” tilting your chin up to notice his dilated pupils in the moonlight, “you know exactly what the fuck you were doin’,” using that hand to grip your throat, a moan falling faintly from your lips as he lowered his cowboy hat to hide his gaze. 

“Now, ya fuckin’ slut,” he groaned, loving the feeling of your quickening pulse in his fingertips, “here’s what’s gonna happen, baby,” moving to whisper his threat in your ear, “I’m gonna tie your ass up like the fuckin’ brat you are, and you’re gonna take the ride home in the bed of my pick up,” releasing his grip only for you to cry out for the loss of contact. 

“Behave,” he tsked, waving a finger as he went to grab his good rope, untying it as he watched you get on the ground like the damn pig you were acting like tonight. 

“See?” he chimed, bending over to your hands and feet as he started to wrap you up, “even sluts like you seem to listen after a lil’ forceful action,” finishing his work as he slapped your clothed pussy as hard as he possibly could.

“Fuck, Phil!” you screamed in pain and pleasure, trying to wriggle your way out of the tie he’d made. 

“Aw, sugar,” he chuckled lighting a cigarette as he watched you writhe on the ground, “swearin’ and bein’ a brat isn’t gonna getcha far,” inhaling and exhaling as he thought about what to do with you at the cabin later. 

GOD MY FUCKIN’ HEAD HURTS BRUH I’M SO HORNY OVER THESE MEN MY GOD... ALSO I HATE MYSELF FOR SAYING WHALE COCK I CANT EVEN RN

WELL BYE!😂

[radramblog]

More Inevitable Hot Takes- MTG Announcement Day edition

I only have myself to blame for this one. I forgot this was upcoming, and I went and blathered about dumb preview cards from most of a month ago anyway. Well, now I’ve got to spend two posts in one week talking about Magic cards. Woe is me?

Once a year, WoTC has a big day where they announce, like, everything for the next year’s releases. And with the picking up speed of set releases, there’s a lot there, and thereby I have a lot to talk about.

To be clear, I’ve deliberately avoided Magic Twitter and Magic Reddit for these announcements. Tis a silly pair of places.

Standard Sets 2022

In order:

Kamigawa Neon Dynasty is very concerning, as one of the people who’s a genuine big fan of the original Kamigawa block. The thing is, I like Kamigawa, with it’s spirits and artwork and samurai and the like. I like cyberpunk, with the aesthetic and the themes and the music. I’m not sure I’m going to like the two combined. We better see some fucking weird-ass spirits, and I’ll only be slightly annoyed if they’re cyber-ghosts or whatnot as long as they maintain that bomb-ass art design.

We have a new plane and a set to go with it, which is cool and nice. Urban Fantasy is a thing Ravnica already did, to be honest, but if I had to guess, Streets of New Capenna is going to be a much more low-fantasy, noir-y take on the genre. I think I saw something about Azra returning, which is cool. That one on the key art looks…very Ob Nixilis-y, though.

And then we’re going back to Dominaria and actually doing The Brother’s War, again? I think Urza block was about that arc, though the Dominaria United set might be like, before all that nonsense. They might have given details, I wouldn’t have seen them, I’m going based on someone’s TL;DR. I’m excited to finally have a Mishra card that isn’t the Time Spiral one, though I’m concerned about how they’re going to make an Urza and a Mishra that are both powerful enough for the iconic characters but not so powerful as to be dominant in the Standard they’ll be legal in.

So, so much Universes Beyond

I think the four Warhammer 40k precon decks is kind of exactly what I was hoping we were going to get for that particular crossover. Just enough to get fans happy and make some fun new cards, not enough that there’s a ridiculous influx of Tyranids into Magic’s annals. I’d be interested to see what regular Magic cards translate well into these decks, seeing as they’ll have to be 40k-ified.

I feel similarly about the Baldur’s gate Commander draft set. I remember fans of that particular D&D spinoff were frustrated with the lack of representation in AFR (I think Minsk was like the only thing they got), so now they have a whole set to work with. Ultimately, D&D is now already, and interminably a part of Magic’s multiverse, and more from those particular realms isn’t going to make anything super fucky. Also, Commander Legends was cool as hell, and this is going to be another one of those, so that’s a plus.

And…a Lord of the Rings set? Like, a full set? I’m assuming whatever got them 40K also got them rights to tabletop LOTR, seeing as Games Workshop has run the LOTR tabletop game for a while. Like with D&D, the medium-high fantasy of LOTR crosses over pretty well into Magic, so I’m not worried about that kind of cockup making things Feel Weird. I’m a little confused about the legality of the set, though, seeing as it’s in Arena, but not Standard legal, but it is Modern legal? What and why and what about Pioneer or Historic?

Secret Lairs

Few hits, few misses, though I remember seeing spoilers from a few that aren’t on this list. Presumably, the Art Series: Johannes Voss, Thomas M. Baxa, and Purrfection and Math is for Blockers were announced separately? Anyway.

Hits: The Kamigawa Ink cards look drop-dead gorgeous, holy shit. Add in the fact that I already play two of those cards and that the others are all cards I like? Might have to get that one. Math is for Blockers is a fun lineup though I don’t…really get the theme? Both Artist Series look incredible, though I’m not huge on the card lineups.

Misses: PURRFECTION would be great if it wasn’t apparently a convention exclusive and also if the art of cats were on cat cards. It’s cute as fuck, but eh. The old-format walkers are frustrating, but I’m not as against them as a lot of people are- like they’re ugly, but not worth throwing a fucking fit over. I weep for any new player staring one of these down, especially if they barely understand planeswalkers in the first place and/or haven’t seen one of these particular ones before. Also, the art is kinda just ugly.

And then there’s the Universes Beyond ones. Fortnite and Street Fighter, both with new cards that will eventually have regular versions (which leads me to wonder if TWD will do the same). There’s a clear attempt here to hit the zoomers and the boomers in the community, though the former probably won’t have the money to afford the Secret Lair if they’re burning all their cash on V-Bucks. It’s…not a great look? Like I’m not opposed to cartoony art styles (the Goblins Kaboom SL looked great!) but Fortnite’s in particular looks like dogshit in my eyes and I’m not looking forward to seeing it in a Magic frame. Street Fighter I’m more excited for, because I like Street Fighter, and because they confirmed Chun-Li is going to have multikicker which is kind of perfect. Obviously we’re going to have to see the cards, but in one case I’m dreading that, and in the other I’m welcoming it.

Other Cards

We have more Challenger Decks, for Pioneer this time. The decklists are already out, and they look pretty solid! The Challenger Decks have been pretty cool previously, a really solid set of lists that only needed a bit of tweaking to be FNM-viable, but they were held back by the fact that they were often released not long before rotation. With Pioneer being a non-rotating format, this is going to be great for getting people into the format.

Another Double Masters set is…egh. It’s another thing that’s not for me, I can’t afford to whale on that shit. With shipping and conversion those packs end up ludicrously expensive in Perth, and I’m pretty sure I only got to play with one the first time. Also, this one is going to have all the collectable nonsense of 2020/21 Magic, which is going to be A Lot.

And another Jumpstart. Eh. Don’t cock the shipping on this one up and it’ll probably be okay.

Commander Collection Black is here, and the list is already out. The Green one ended up way overpriced, but at least in this case the cards are all super playable. Actually, they were for Green too, I think, but hey there’s a Deluge reprint and a flip Lilli, so. I kinda miss the Signature Spellbook series already, though.

Finally, Unfinity. Another Un-Set. Unstable was a fucking incredible set, both on a comedic level and as one of the sickest draft formats in a long time, so I’m excited to see that one followed up. On the other hand, Unsanctioned kind of landed with a dull thud. Apparently though, they got some of the folks from LRR (among others) to help write names and flavour text for this set, and I love those guys to death, so I can at least guarantee the comedy element will be present for this one.

Other stuff?

Well we have a date for the Netflix series. I have a hard time believing it’s actually happening. When I first started playing was around when rumours and announcements were still happening regarding a full-on movie, and that basically didn’t go anywhere. So it’s a little surprising to have a solid, actual time frame for Magic Story Content in Video Form. I haven’t kept with the story for a fair bit at this point (since Dominaria, tbh), so I’ve got no idea if it’s been any good, and as to whether this will be any good. Considering apparently Gideon’s in the lead, my hopes aren’t huge.

The only other thing is Pins. I like Pins. I have a bunch of them on my bag. I would like to get more Magic pins. So this is good.

And that, I think, is the sum total of it. These announcements always end up with a combination of excitement, trepidation, and dread, but I think this is leading more on the positive end of that spectrum. There’s still way too many fucking sets, but I think that is largely at Hasbro’s feet. The money machine must keep churning, after all. Maybe someday Magic and WoTC as a whole will be able to unshackle themselves from that particular constraint, but I am not holding my breath.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Blood Red Heat prt 39

Lance was wild. How someone could operate semi-humanly while hacking his lungs up was going to be his omega’s new defining moment. Mornings had never been Lance’s best friend, nor Keith’s, but it seemed to be time they both woke up with the need to touch each other... Then, as Lance had improved, they’d done less touching and more “Lance dragging him from Red to go for a morning walk with Kosmo, despite the chill in the air leaving the omega coughing”. They had the same problem at night. Lance would want to sit up with the pack, but the cold air aggravated his lungs.

The pack had been really good with him. When Pidge started tinkering with her comms, she actually took the time to explain what she was doing to Lance. When Hunk needed to collect herbs, he invited Lance along, given their walks were never as far as Lance insisted on going in the mornings. Their first walk had been to Black, the closest of the five lions to Red. Lance could now make to Green before needing to rest, then Yellow. Yellow was the limit, the first time he’d had to support Lance back, because his omega didn’t want to be carried. Allura let Lance play with her hair, then Romelle asked him to do her hair too... Krolia was still a challenge, his mother trying to talk to Lance had ended up with Lance kind of squeaking, and apologising for being ill. When his mother hugged Lance, Lance turned red as he held his breath, Keith choosing not to save him immediately because with Lance being a permanent addition to their family, he had to learn to cope with Krolia sooner rather than later.

Shiro took a little longer to warm back up to. Lance wanted to be close to him, but sometimes he couldn’t find the right words, so would move closer to Keith for comfort. His brother seriously fearing Lance didn’t like him anymore, until Lance finally found the words to explain he sometimes got a bit overwhelmed and confused as he wasn’t used to having his omega talking to him. Keith getting jealous when their little sign for this would be Lance holding onto Shiro’s hand or leg. When they were alone, Lance could articulate most of what he wanted to say, but there were clear signs he’d forget or get muddled when he really tried to concentrate on anything for longer than a few minutes. Coran seemed to think it was all exhaustion and would work its self out slowly as Lance began being able to stay awake longer and longer.

Then Lance went and surprised him. Krolia had started teasing him over how lazy he’d become. When Keith had sent his boyfriend a pleading look, Lance had waved him off to train with his mother and Kosmo. His mother was mercilessly. Training felt good after being so stagnant, but every muscle throbbed as he dragged himself into Black to shower and change. Black laughing at his exhaustion, always his biggest supporter right there. Unintentionally he’d kind of fallen asleep on his bed, his bed so inviting after being made to run laps around all 5 lions... the lions were massive... and life wasn’t fair.

Panicking hard over falling asleep, he’d rushed outside to find the sun had set. Jogging into camp to find Lance and apologise his arse off for not being there for him, Hunk tricked him. Playing up that Lance needed alone time, he sent him running off to find Lance who’d “wandered away from camp and refused to come back”. Their friends were wankers. Lance had wandered away from camp, to set up a picnic for the pair of them. Sitting on the blanket with Kosmo, the space was lit with two emergency lights. Keith not knowing he was walking into a picnic until he’d come to the edge of the blanket

“Babe?”

Staring up at the night sky, Lance shifted his gaze to him, smiling up in a way that went straight to Keith’s heart

“Hey, you”

“Hey, yourself. Been here long?”

“A little while. Come sit down next to me”

Sitting beside Lance, Lance moved the blankets he had around his shoulders to cover both their shoulders, Kosmo whining disinterestedly at his arrival. Lance didn’t seem overly sad. There was nothing in his scent that pointed to him being upset

“Hunk said you’d wandered off wanting to be alone”

“That’s because I asked him to. I’m sorry, you would have worried, but I wanted to do something nice for you. It’s not much in the way of dinner, and it’s cold now, I thought a picnic under the stars would be nice”

Keith couldn’t quite believe it

“You... organised something for me?”

“Yeah. The others helped, before you tell me off for pushing myself. I know caring for a person is hard and I wanted to show that I appreciate you”

Smiling at him so sincerely, Lance was the prettiest omega he’d ever met

“You didn’t have to”

“I wanted to. Hunk helped me cook. And I had a nap earlier while you were sleeping so I’d be awake enough to do this tonight”

“Babe... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to crash out”

“You needed it. I saw how hard Krolia pushed you today”

His mother’s hard training now made sense

“Why am I now getting the feeling she was in on this?”

“Because she was. No big surprise, but it’s soup again. And some herbs that are meant to resemble a salad”

“No meat?”

Lance elbowed him softly in the side

“No. If there were chickens I could have cut and gutted one, but there wasn’t”

Keith was instantly in awe. Living on space whale he’d had to learn how to catch and kill animals to break the monotony of plant based dinners, Krolia had to teach him more than he’d ever wanted to know

“You know how to do that?”

“I come from a farming family. How do you think I knew how to milk a cow?”

“That’s... fair. You didn’t have to do anything special for me”

“I did and I do. Sick Lance is kind of an arsehole”

“Nah, not an arsehole. I will give you that you’re stubborn”

Lance sighed a sigh that Keith couldn’t quite place. Despite being happy, there was something there that tugged at him

“Babe?”

“Sorry. I was thinking about home before you came. You didn’t... okay, my home was always super super busy. Even if you were sick, you still helped out. If your hands were free, you’d fill them. That kind of thing”

Oh. He didn’t know what to say to that. Lance had a loving family from the sounds of everything he’d said

“That sounds...”

“Hard? Yeah. It was. There was a time I was really mad at my parents, but I’m over that. Anyway, you should eat”

“What about you?”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to eat too. Hunk made me eat earlier, then Pidge let me nap against her...”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Romelle is totally becoming a bad arse too. Shiro was helping her and Allura train. Coran kept throwing in suggestions but they didn’t go well”

It sounded like Lance had had a good day without him. Keith feeling kind of lonely to have missed it, not that he’d say so. Lance needed his pack and they’d all finally stopped reapologising to each other

“So why under the stars?”

“I used to love watching the stars when I was a kid. My siblings and I would make up dumb stories, then my Mami would come yell at us all for being outside”

“Why do I feel like she had a lot to deal with?”

“She did. There was never a moment of peace at home in Cuba. Cousins and siblings and chores... and a son that didn’t confirm to the standards of being an omega”

“That’s not on you. That’s no more your fault than... well, anything”

Lance chuckled as he snuggled close

“You’ve gotten better with your words, but it’s reassuring that you’re still you under all that rugged and grizzled appearance”

“I didn’t ask to grow up”

“I know. I know that it would have been hard, even with a mission to preoccupy yourself with. We’ll throw it on the therapy pile how insecure I am about my looks when my alpha is smoking hot”

“Says you”

“Dude, literally, have you seen yourself in a mirror? Omegas and betas are going to be queuing up just to catch a glance of Voltron’s sexy leader”

“Leaders, babe”

Lance hummed his disagreement, Keith kissing his boyfriend’s hair, using Lance’s words against him

“You really do have shockingly little faith in yourself”

“I look like a walking skeleton”

“Because you nearly died. I don’t care if you never have curves or whatever it is omegas think they need. As long as you’re healthy”

“Can I take a pass on going there right now? I don’t want to start wallowing over myself again when I want to spend the night out here with you”

“Fine, but only because it’s you”

“Thanks, babe. Anyway, let’s eat”

*

The soup really was cold. The salad a game of picking the herbs that didn’t taste awful on their own. Kosmo trying something that he obviously hated the taste of, his wolf taking off back towards the main camp as if he’d been betrayed. Pushing the remains of their dinner down the other end of the blanket, the pair of them laid next to each other under the stars, hand in hand

“Babe, how many stars do you think we’ve actually seen up close?”

“Me or you?”

“Either, either”

That was hard. They’d seen a lot of space, and yet they’d seen so very little of it

“No where near all of them?”

Lance’s snort told him he’d gotten the answer right. This was actually kind of nice, like way back when space hadn’t been all of this. When there were still mysteries out there that were mysteries and not an alarming gap in their intel

“Yeah... yeah, that’s true. Keith... do you wonder if maybe we’re still in the game?”

Rolling to his side, Keith leaned in to kiss Lance softly

“No. I did for a bit, but not anymore”

“I’ve been wondering why I’m taking all of this so calmly. We all apologised again, and I think I’m okay with that, but after so long... this kind of feels like a dream”

Keith bit back pointing out Lance hadn’t been all that calm when he’d been sicker

“We’ve got our second dynamics back, and I don’t know about your omega, but my alpha has been pretty nonstop”

“I don’t... my head feels busy. It feels weird...”

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“Both. Sometimes I feel ok and others I feel so on edge that it feels like everything will break”

“Depression and anxiety will do that to you. Plus, you need to cut yourself a break. You presented really late”

“I know. Maybe that’s why I keep wondering if this is all a dream?”

“I promise you it’s all very real. We’re here together”

Nosing into Lance’s cheek, his omega’s scent filled him with warmth. Reminding Keith he had another question to ask

“I know this is a bit late, but do you mind when I call you “omega”?”

“At first it kind of... didn’t feel right, but I can hardly deny it after spending your rut and my heat together”

“I’m sorry it was such a huge burden on your body”

“It’s okay. And... honestly, it did get better. You’re a kind alpha”

“I’m not so sure about that. I did get... rather... passionate”

Lance snorted again, tilting his head to kiss Keith’s cheek just short of his lips

“I am. You... were very good to me”

Keith sighed as he forced himself to roll back. Lance was very very tempting, more so than Pike

“You’re going to wake my alpha up again if we keep talking about sex”

“Maybe I want to...”

“Babe?”

This time Lance rolled to face him, his omega walking his fingers up Keith’s chest and bopping him lightly on the tip of his nose

“You... me... under the stars”

Keith wasn’t not interested, but he did wonder with all Lance’s questioning if this was a dream

“I thought you were recovering”

“I am. I also had a talk with Coran today too. He didn’t say rush into sex, but he did say that if I wanted to be intimate with you, that was my choice and it’s my body. He also went on and on about honour, and how you were a very honourable man... and how you reacted at the idea of me being knotted to save my life”

Keith had been furious and sick to his stomach at the thought that could be the only way

“I didn’t want to... not without your consent. You sound like you had a very busy day”

“I know. And kind of, but not really at the same time... I just... being in love with Allura was tiring. I couldn’t blame her for not loving me back, and I didn’t understand how... How I couldn’t be enough. On the other hand, you... These last few however long it’s been... it’s made me feel... infinity better. It’s... easy with you. I feel like... I’m waiting for your every word and to see what comes next for us. That makes me sound pretty pathetic”

Lifting their hands, Keith kissed the back of Lance’s

“I don’t think it does. I just honestly don’t want you to feel rushed or that I won’t be interested because we don’t have a super intense sex life. I want to do this right”

“I know you do... I hate the term “making love”... but I can’t think of how else to word it. I want to make love to you under all these stars before everything gets hectic again. I want to try to work harder on concentrate on making these small happy moments with you”

“I don’t want to aggravate your lungs...”

“Babe, my lungs will be a mess for a long time. Coran didn’t say it, but it could take months for everything to heal properly, if they ever do... If you treat me like glass every time I cough, I don’t think I can take it”

“I just... don’t want to lose you”

“Trust me, apparently I’m stubborn”

Keith kissed the back of Lance’s hand twice more

“You are very stubborn... I think I can be in the mood for a little romance”

“Mmm... why don’t you show me what you’ve got, samurai”

*

Laying Lance out under the stars, Keith wanted to do this right. Lance was a hopeless romantic. Absolutely hopeless and well known for his romantic heart. Lance smelt intoxicating, his natural musk mixing with his aroused hues. Kissing Lance’s inner thighs, the way the muscles jumped was adorable

“You okay, babe?”

“Yeah... just... very exposed”

Keith had stripped him down slowly, Lance’s shirt hadn’t made it easy, both of them smacking their foreheads against each other as the clumsily made their way through things. Kissing had lead to wandering hands, Lance making the sweetest little mews as Keith had slowly started to open him, as he hid his face against Keith’s shoulder

“I’m just as exposed, you know”

Covering his face, Lance mumbled into his hands. The emergency lights had been laid down to cut the amount of light, yet Keith knew if he could have seen it, Lance would be blushing

“But you’re so hot it’s not fair”

Smirking down at Lance, Keith teased him gently

“Oh, babe. You’ve got it bad for me, don’t you”

“Shut up”

Too cute. Lance was too cute. Did all alphas turn into such idiots when they found their omega?

The sex was slow, Keith tracing his hands over Lance soft skin, keeping his thrusts slow almost to the point of lazy, Lance’s scent grew sweeter and sweeter. It was nothing like sex with Pike, or the hard dirty sex they’d had when both their instincts were screaming to breed. Having marked Lance’s neck with plenty of possessive hickeys, his boyfriend smacked him when he started teasing his nipples. The tiny brow buds just the right size. Lance had fallen apart beneath him, the back of his hand against his mouth, though it didn’t stop the little moans and mews that Lance would give. Everything was so overwhelmingly intoxicating. The warm wetness of his boyfriend’s heat. The wet squelching noises each time be buried himself. The way Lance was so open and pliant for him. And the fact that other than him, and Darkstorm, no one else had laid hands on their beautiful omega. Lance’s ganglyness might turn other alphas away, but Keith knew how much work Lance put it into training. He knew he worked himself far more than anyone else, except for maybe him.

Moving his hand from his mouth to Keith’s shoulder, Lance whined softly

“Up...”

Keith stopping his thrust to leave himself buried deeply in his omega, so close to coming but wanting Lance to come first

“You want up?”

“I wanna cuddle”

“Okay, little omega”

Seating Lance in his lap, his omega cried out as he sank back down on Keith’s erection, Keith massaging Lance’s arse as he gave him a moment to adjust. With his arms wrapped around him, it was like they were only two beneath the blanket of stars above

“You okay, babe?”

“Mmm... I want it hard and fast”

So bossy...

Taking Lance by the hips, Keith let his control slip, moving Lance to meet each desperate thrust as his knot started forming

“Do you want my knot?”

“Please... alpha... I’m going crazy”

His pride swelled, his omega pleasured to the point of wanting his knot. Lance might not fall pregnant any time soon, but practicing was fun. Rolling his hips, they both moaned, Lance’s lips finding his, kisses clumsy as Keith thrust up over and over, knot flaring as Lance came with a heavy groan, his full weight driving Keith’s knot as deep as it’d go as his own orgasm painted his lovers insides with his seed. Biting on Lance’s shoulder, he’d very nearly bitten Lance’s neck, the amount of pleasure and joy he felt nearly forcing him to bond with his omega too soon.

Boneless and breathless, Lance nuzzled into his hair. Body shaking as Keith kept rutting through each slow burst of cum. Had Lance been able to fall pregnant, Keith was sure he’d pumped enough into knock him up. He’d never experienced anything like it a rut. Sure, he’d come a lot, but this was like a fucking volcanic eruption in comparison... and the way Lance rippled and squeezed... his body already trying for a pup of their own. Pups weren’t everything, and if the day came where Lance wanted a pup, Keith would do absolutely everything he could to make that dream happen.

With Lance firmly knotted, Keith hushed him as his knot jostled, the alpha reaching for a blanket to cover his loves cooling body. It’d do no good for Lance to catch a cold when he still had so far to go recovering. Kissing his hair, his omega hummed softly, a “thank you for the blanket” that he couldn’t find the words for

“Babe, are you okay?”

“Mmmm”

“My knot should go down soon... I’m sorry it puts so much strain on you”

His crotch was soaked from cum and slick, he’d probably regret it later, but that was for later Keith to deal with

“Mmm... ‘s ‘kay”

“You did so good, babe. So good for me”

“‘nly you”

“Yeah, babe. Only me”

They’d all apologised to each other, yet Keith still felt a burst of anger that their pack could think Lance would be sleeping around on diplomatic missions. It was the same kind of useless anger that he’d felt about leaving the team with Kuron. An anger he couldn’t do anything about, and an anger that would take a while to fade. Before they’d even been... close? Keith hadn’t thought Lance the type to sleep with just anyone, despite the “Nyma incident” and his omega’s chronic flirting. Lance was so damn faithful. He’d never do anything to risk negotiations or put their pack in danger. If Keith let himself think too much on it, he’d only grow angry at everything all over again.

Whining softly, Keith caught the hues of anger starting to bleed into his scent, upsetting Lance

“Shhh... it’s okay. My alphas just getting worked up at the idea of anyone daring to think they could hurt you”

Things were different for him. Lance had forgiven their pack, one by one, and as “Pike”. Yet his boyfriend had admitted he did feel moments of hurt and unsureness sometimes when he’d catch one of their pack out the corner of his eye. To Keith it was understandable. He wouldn’t have been mad with Lance if Lance hadn’t been able to accept the apology of their pack yet, yet Lance was so damn kind

“You won’t let ‘em”

“Nah, babe. They have to get through me first”

“Mmm... so damn dependable”

Tickling Lance’s side, the omega laughed tiredly, hissing when he tugged on Keith’s knot before settling his weight back against Keith

“Nooo... no tickling”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it”

“I know... You’ve got a case of “Roman Hands” and “Russian Fingers””

The reference went straight over Keith’s head

“If you say so”

“I do...”

“Okay”

Lance sighed at him, Keith kissing his hair. He knew he had a lot to learn, but being this open only felt right because Lance had shown him he’d be there for him. Right now Lance just needed a little propping up, but soon the omega would be back to being his right hand man and his stability. What started as mess of jealousy and mutual lashing out, had grown slowly, piece by piece, and now it’d morphed into something completely new and breath taking. Far more breath taking than the stars above.

[titusmoody]

It’s the end of the first quarter of 2021. Here’s a brief review of the things I watched/played/read.

Games

Donut County- pretty charming, very easy, fairly satisfying to play. I’d recommend Untitled Goose Game over this, though.

Heaven’s Vault- If you only have room in your life for one space archaeology game, play Outer Wilds instead. However, you get to translate alien writings yourself (in a simplified game way) in this one, so I’d recommend both. 

Donkey Kong Country 3 103%- so many fun level mechanics in this one. The difficulty of finding and completing everything in the game was spot-on for me.

Donkey Kong Country 2 102%- Each level mechanic in this one is explored and used in far more interesting ways than DKC3, though I honestly had more fun with 3 this time around. This one is the “dark, edgy” one aesthetically which is extremely dumb. Also, there was a lot of guesswork involved in finding some of the hidden stuff, which I didn’t enjoy.

The Room 4- I like escape room games. This one was good. It continued 3′s trend of trying to shake up the format a little, which is fine (better here than in 3, I think) but I wouldn’t have minded if all 4 stayed exactly the same, just with new puzzles.

Spider-Man: Miles Morales- Everything about it was competent. Not only was each gameplay activity fine-tuned to feel good, but the structure of the game also kept kept you experiencing a good variety of each activity. PS5 graphics are good, too. Nothing about it really got me excited to play it, it was just a good after work unwinding thing.

Cyberpunk 2077- Exactly the opposite of Spider-Man in terms of quality consistency. There are aspects of this game that are amazing, horrible, and every step in between. However, I’ve thought about it quite a bit and will probably continue to think about it for both good and bad reasons.

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair- Donkey Kong Country has better level design and controls. Well, the best levels of this were every bit as good as the best DKC levels, and maybe I’m just so familiar with DKC levels that I zone out a little during the boring bits, but had to pay attention to every moment of this game. Still, I didn’t have as much of an overall good time as the DKC games I played earlier.

Hue- Good 2D puzzle-platformer. I’m no longer surprised by these, but I still appreciate them, much in the same way as I like playing escape room games. I was under the impression for a few years that because I understood the potential of puzzle platformers, it meant I wouldn’t want to play any more of them, but that’s simply not true. I had a good time with Hue.

Shows

Gravity Falls- It’s fine. Pretty entertaining. I wish there were more low-stakes kinds of episodes, just to get more familiar with different sides of the characters. It would have made the characters and setting feel more rounded.

Cowboy Bepop- I didn’t get the hype for this show when I first watched it at 21, and now I can say that it’s simply not my kind of show. I have much more appreciation for it now than I did the first time, but it doesn’t hit me emotionally the same way that it seems to hit so many people. 

Seinfeld- It’s Seinfeld. There was precisely one episode that I had never seen before, plus confirmation that I didn’t dream the episode that’s told in backwards chunks like Memento and is set in India.

Paranoia Agent- While it was disappointing that this ended up being a more simple morality tale than every Satoshi Kon movie I’ve seen, I still enjoyed watching this a lot.

Aggretsuko- I liked the mundane, every-day storylines like a modern, more empathetic Seinfeld. Unfortunately as the show went on, there were more and more wacky situations that no one actually gets into. I might watch the upcoming season if I hear that it’s less ridiculous.

Over the Garden Wall- This was really cool and I’m glad it exists. It’s ten episodes long, which is perfect for it. I thought it was at its weakest during the more lighthearted or humorous moments--precisely the opposite of Gravity Falls. The word “classy” comes to mind to describe this show. 

Beastars- Really good when it isn’t falling into anime plot and dialog cliches. A lot of this first season is dedicated to introducing characters and the setting, which I thought was very well done. I’m curious to see what Season 2 is like.

Movies

Scott Pilgrim vs the World- It’s a fun movie to watch. It definitely makes many of the characters’ flaws seem like more fun than it probably should, but I’m more bothered by the criticism I hear that boils down to “it’s a bad movie because the characters are bad people” which I suspect is an impression you only get if you lack both empathy and media comprehension.

Big- Kinda bad. It has iconic moments that are only possible with its weird premise, but it’s just not a premise that supports an entire good movie. 

Phantom of the Opera- Way better and way worse than I remember. Has the precise right amount of horses.

Knives Out- Not really a movie I needed to watch a second time, but it sure is good.

District 9- I didn’t remember most of this movie and unfortunately I zoned out for most of this rewatch, so I still feel like I don’t know what it’s about.

From up on Poppy Hill- Not one of the top tier Ghibli movies, but still really good in a down-to-earth way that I like from Ghibli. 

Enter the Dragon- I knew to expect everything to be turned up to 11, which is good because it really is a lot. I liked it, though.

Shutter Island- I have never actually liked this kind of twist-reliant movie. I thought I would for many years, but I was always disappointed. At least now I am aware that it’s not what I’m into.

Soul- The premise is much too convoluted, but it does have an excellent moment near the end.

Onward- I liked this one a lot. Why don’t more people talk about this one? It’s definitely better than Coco, which itself was really good.

A Silent Voice- The kind of movie that reminds me that sometimes Japanese storytelling is more to my taste than Hollywood style, in that scenes can be more emotionally ambiguous. 

Tangled- Good in exactly the same way as Frozen and Moana. I can’t really complain, but this isn’t the same situation as puzzle platformers or escape rooms. In this case, I do get a little sick of being completely unsurprised. This movie was made first, so it’s only by chance that this is the one that I saw last.

Monsters University- A good movie, but it really doesn’t have to be about the same characters as Monsters Inc. 

Monty Python and the Holy Grail- Still funny

The Departed- Good if you want an enjoyable crime thriller to watch, bad if you want a Scorcese movie.

Titanic- Getting very drunk and watching this with Brittany might be the best time I had in the past three months. Maybe I won’t think too hard about why a movie about the overdue, violent death of a social order resonates with me right now.

Prince of Egypt- Impressive and grand, but I didn’t really care about the characters or story.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan- A good but not great (by TNG standards) concept for an episode that was made extremely enjoyable by the added budget and longer runtime of a movie.

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock- Not as good, but still watchable.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home- The kind of ridiculous concept you’d only make when you’ve already had three successful movies and are confident that you’ll be able to make at least another couple. The gang go back to the 1980s (present day to the original audience) and save the whales. It’s apparently exactly the right movie to watch if this is the third consecutive Star Trek movie you’re watching.

Mamma Mia- A lot of fun, but has weird problems that seem like they would’ve been easy to solve at the script level. Maybe if the conflicts had been introduced early on instead of dragging the whole pace of the movie down for much of the last 20 minutes, I would’ve enjoyed the whole thing.

Books

The Well of Ascension- The second book of a trilogy. Very competent. Introduces a whole lot of minor conflicts that really keep the momentum going and give the characters short-term goals that contribute to the overall plot and their arcs. 

The Hero of Ages- The final book in the same trilogy. Equally competent. I wish there had been more long-term payoffs, which is the trade-off you make by stuffing the books full of those short-term conflicts. Spoilers ahead, but not ones that I think ruin the experience of reading. It’s very odd that of three of the central characters, one dies, one becomes a god and then dies, and one becomes God. 

Check Please- About as pleasant as it gets. Full of the type of minor character that sitcoms end up running into the ground because they’re too one-note (Creed from The Office, for instance) but in a series with a pre-planned length, there’s no chance for it to get stale. Plus, I really liked both of the lead characters.

Milkman- Good book about “The Troubles” in Ireland. Very odd collection of characters, but the narrator had an extremely enjoyable voice to read. 

And Then There Were None- Classic mystery story for a reason. Feels more like a Hitchcock movie than Sherlock Holmes. I read it in one day both because the prose was easy and I wanted to know what happened next. Not much substance to it, unfortunately.

Homegoing- Extremely ambitous book where each chapter is narrated by the descendant of a previous chapter, alternating between two branches of the same family. I liked it quite a bit, though because I only finished it yesterday I don’t have much reflection done yet so my opinion has yet to solidify.

[prorevenge]

Buddy, You Picked the Wrong Person to Harass

The year was 2014 (or maybe 2013? who gives a shit?), and I was a freshman in high school. On a general basis it sucked. I mean, it was an American public high school with literally thousands of kids, it's a given that it's gonna blow some major balls. One thing in particular that made it extra sucky though was gym class. Specifically, this one guy in gym class.

This dude's name was Jack A. McGee, the 'A' of course being short for 'Ass'. As the name would imply, he was a jackass.

At first, it was pretty standard "high school guy in gym class"-level of obnoxious prick. You know the type: overly loud, unreasonably aggressive during games, bossy, tossing the collective brain cell back and forth between his two equally ape-like buddies. The usual.

I don't know when, exactly, it happened, but he developed a sort of... eye for me, after the first couple of weeks or so. He started asking me bizarre questions that I now believe may have been some sort of innuendo, sitting uncomfortably close to me, resting his hand on my gym shoe- general creepy behavior.

He once blocked a doorway with his body (this dude was massive), forcing me to literally squeeze my way through and crawl over him. He then tried to grab me and pin me to him once I was almost through, but I'm very good at dodging physical contact whenever possible, and dipped on him before his giant gorilla arm could catch me. I still shudder thinking about it. I cannot emphasize enough how terrible this dude smelled.

But the true breaking point came during the peak cruelty of this school mandated sadism: gym swim.

Before anyone asks, let it be known that yes, I did try to tell someone about this. I told my gym teacher first semester, really early on, that Jack was making me incredibly uncomfortable. The gym teacher waved it off, saying he was "just playing around" and that "it's probably because he likes you". His suggestion was basically to just put up with it and wait it out, because he was sure Jack would lose interest soon anyways.

Spoiler alert: he didn't

Second semester rolls around, and the four week period of gym swim descends upon us like the bloated carcass of a catapulted whale, crushing us beneath its wet, foul smelling body. 40 some odd adolescents forced into a cold, overly chlorinated pool for 50+ minutes, adorned in swimsuits determined to crawl up into our assholes like Antman himself.

It was hell on earth, basically.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I am autistic, so the echoing sounds, reflected fluorescent lights, pungent odors, slimy floors, and assorted BS made the situation even worse for me. I wasn't officially diagnosed yet, so my complaints were written off as me being whiny, and I was told to shut up and deal with it. So I did. I think I had more meltdowns in that four week span than I've had in the past two years combined, but whatever.

On top of the sensory overload, there was Jack.

I think something about being allowed to go shirtless and stare at the nearly bare asses of girls for an entire period emboldened him, because Jack promptly lost whatever semblance of restrain he'd had until then.

He made frequent attempts to grab me, trying to hold me against his bare skin, which was disgusting, and I spent most of the class trying to evade him. The swimsuit I was forced to wear fit a little awkwardly around my chest, which he delighted in pointing out to his buddies, staring unabashedly at my breasts. He managed to sneak up behind me and snap the strap of my swimsuit, even trying to pull it down off my shoulder, but I jerked away fast enough to prevent that. I was furious at this point, but I'm like, 5'2", maybe, whereas he was easily over 6'5", probably 300+ pounds, and I'm not stupid.

While all of this was happening, my new gym teacher, (they switched every semester), was busy trying to keep a couple of the other guys from drowning each other. She was one adult forced to watch over 40 rowdy ass kids in a swimming pool; she was a bit preoccupied.

The final straw came one Wednesday afternoon, the event that finally pushed me off the edge of the rationality I'd been clinging to and sent me plummeting into full on bloodthirst.

There I was, paddling around, minding my own business, when Jack and his two goons manage to corner me. I'm immediately suspicious, hackles raised, as they ask me fairly banal questions about how the pool is today and the like, sniggering the whole time. I give short, terse answers, trying to see if I could maybe slip past them. I spot an opening and bolt for it, but Jack was apparently expecting this.

As I swim through the narrow gap between him and one of his friends, he stretches his arm out, and actually manages to slip his hand under my suit to grab my breast. I froze for a moment, the delighted giggling of him and his friends echoing in my ears as if from a thousand miles away.

The next thing I knew, I was out of the pool, being held back by the gym teacher, and Jack had a bloody nose. He was shouting angrily at me, calling me a "crazy bitch!!" as his nose gushed blood into the water. There was mass confusion among the class. I was told to change quickly and sit in the hallway.

Apparently, the gym teacher had heard me screech like a banshee, followed by a number of shouts, and had looked over to see me wrestle out of Jack's grip, jump on his back, and throw him off balance enough to smash his face into the edge of the pool wall. I remembered none of this, but I did find a few chunks of greasy brown hair clenched in my fist that I'd evidently ripped from his scalp when the teacher pulled me off. I washed my hands thoroughly.

It was decided that I'd go in early to school tomorrow to have a little talk with the Dean. They would've just sent me there straight away, but gym was my last class of the day, and the Dean had already left by then for whatever reason, so it had to be postponed a little while. It was pretty heavily implied that I was going to be suspended, quite possibly even expelled, for what had happened.

I was furious. Not only had Jack made my life a living hell, but his horse shit was now going to be the cause of my expulsion?!? I wasn't about to go down without a fight, but I realized that I'd have to play this pretty smart if I wanted to weasel out of it.

The next morning, I did two things: I put on mascara, and I made a superficial, but rather painful incision on my right thigh, high enough so as to be covered by my shorts.

Normally, I hate wearing makeup, because I don't like the way it feels, but I'd worn mascara before and noticed the interesting effect it had on my appearance. Specifically, I already have pretty long, pretty dark eyelashes, so adding mascara draws a lot of attention to my eyes and makes them look huge. Like, total Bambi eyes- wide, innocent, naive, harmless.

I sat down in front of the Dean at 6:40 a.m. I didn't need to fake the fear in my expression, but I made sure to throw in something that could be interpreted as guilt, too, bowing my head and twisting my face in dismay.

Needless to say, the Dean was pretty pissed.

"Do you know why you're here, young lady?" he said

"Yes," I said softly.

"And you know that what you did is very serious?"

"Yes," I said again, making my voice tremble.

"Care to explain yourself, then?"

"I..." I began, my voice shaking. "I just wanted him to stop..."

"Stop what?" The Dean prompted, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I just wanted him to stop touching me!" I blurted. As I said this, I reached my hand under the table where he couldn't see it and dug my finger into the cut on my leg, causing me to lurch forward as if in a sob, my other hand covering my face as my eyes watered from the pain.

"Touching you?" The Dean asked, his brows now on a collision course for Mars.

I spent the next several minutes divulging all the shit that had happened to me that year, digging into my injury for some tears whenever necessary, and by the end of it the Dean looked horrified. He reaffirmed that no, I shouldn't have attacked Jack like that, but that they'd have to investigate the matter further.

I basically got off with a slap on the wrist, and after multiple testimonies from other girls, Jack got suspended for two weeks. I wasn't satisfied. They hadn't been able to expel him due to "lack of hard evidence", but I was out for blood.

He returned to school two weeks later, and I was ready.

One of his friends had a little brother in my bio class, a fairly chill dude named Owen, who I had worked out a deal with. See, Jack had been very vocal about his displeasure with me to his friends, which made its way to Owen, who, for the low low price of bailing his dumb ass out in biology, was more than willing to share that information with me. I had a direct pipeline.

Anything Jack shared with his friends made its way directly to me via Owen, and, as it turns out, this dude didn't keep a whole lot to himself.

There was a lot of shit I was tempted to nail him for. For instance, I found out he was selling drugs (mostly adderal and some occasional weed) from his locker, and had been cheating his way through most of his classes. However, I knew how suspicious it would look for me to report something like that so soon. It'd probably just look like I had a grudge, (which I did), and was trying to get even, (which I was).

He slipped up really, really bad about a week after his return, and that was when I struck.

See, he hadn't been subtle about his displeasure with my retaliation, and spent most of gym class sending really ugly looks my way. The gym teacher kept us as far away from each other as possible, but he managed to track me down in a passing period one day and rant at me about how I had screwed him over and that I was a lying little bitch, yada yada yada, and that he'd make me regret it. Funny, stole the words right out of my mouth.

I found out from Owen later that Jack had been bragging to his friends last night about the switchblade he'd stolen from one of those hunting stores downtown, and promised he'd show it off to them later that day.

I seized the opportunity.

I took a few seconds in the bathroom mirror, scratching at the scab on my leg until my eyes were teary enough to really sell the "terrified victim" look, then bolted down to the Dean's office, stuttering and shaking, crying out for help. The front desk lady was understandably startled by the sight of a seemingly panicked freshman girl bolting into the office, and called the Dean out right away. His face grew serious when he saw me.

"M-Mr. Dean, please help! He's gonna kill me!" I cried.

"Now, slow down," he said. "What happened?"

"Jack!" I said, resisting the urge to grin maniacally at the hardness that appeared in the Dean's eyes. "He, he cornered me in the hall! He called me a bitch and said he was gonna make me regret telling on him! H-he's got a knife!!"

"He what?!" The Dean barked.

Everything moved very quickly after that. The security guards were told to search the kids locker, while a couple other security officers were called down to get Jack out of his classroom and take him to the office. I was told by the front desk lady, who had heard the whole exchange, to hide with her in the copier room so Jack wouldn't see me.

They found the (stolen) knife in his backpack, and the drugs in his locker. That, combined with his previous charges, was enough to get him not only expelled, but arrested. I never saw him again, which is probably a good thing because I'm still mad and would probably try to kill him if given the opportunity.

TL;DR: Guy sexually harasses me in gym class, I give him a bloody nose, a two week suspension, an expulsion, and a criminal record, all in that order.

(source) story by (/u/FeralTaxEvader)

[arcaneranger]

Final Thoughts - Netflix Exclusives 2018

Oh my god you guys, I’m finally done. I’m free from the prison of 2018, just in time to actually finish my premieres for spring of 2019. But first, let’s talk!

2018 was the year that Netflix really went all-in on producing its own anime and picking up some big names, so we saw Devilman Crybaby made specifically for the service and high-profile shows like Dragon Pilot and Hi-Score Girl basically hijacked by the streaming service and delayed for months in the U.S. so that the biggest name in the game could release everything in bingeable packages. Unfortunately, bringing in an auteur like Masaaki Yuasa for Crybaby and throwing all the damn money at him worked so well that, long before any of these shows would even premiere, they decided to seemingly take any anime pitch under the sun, and wound up financing disasters like Hero Mask and B: The Beginning. Really, these shows kind of run the full gamut from garbage to god-tier, with an unfortunate tipping of the scale in the wrong direction. I haven’t gotten to see Ingress yet at the time of publication though, so we’ll have to see whether 2019 will start in a good direction.

ANYWAY.

DROPPED

WORST OF NETFLIX: Back Street Girls -GOKUDOLS-

I still don’t get how anyone thought this was worth promoting. The entire concept is offensive, and yet it was directed by a master and veteran of the medium (who is also a woman), leading me to just throw my hands in the air and resign myself to never having a satisfactory answer for why Netflix would pick this up to begin with. Dropped after 1 episode.

Hero Mask

One of the most incompetently written first episodes I’ve ever seen gave me absolutely no hope that Hero Mask was going to actualize into anything watchable or even average-looking. It was boring and unintelligible. Dropped after 1 episode.

Fate/EXTRA: Last Encore

What the fuck was Akiyuki Shinbo even doing on Fate? Did he do this at the expense of season 3 of March comes in like a lion or something? Probably not, but geez... This seems much more like someone attempting to copy his style than the genuine article, but nope, there’s his director credit. In the end, I suppose that Fate/EXTRA, despite being a very interesting game, was not ever going to be adapted well - the protagonist is almost literally a blank slate for a self-insert of the player, and their servant is also not set in stone - but I kind of would have rather had nothing than this. Dropped after 2 episodes.

SWORDGAI The Animation

Oh hey, yet another “the Animation”, it definitely doesn’t sound pretentious yet. I don’t have much to say on SWORDGAI, or at least not any more than anyone else - it’s stupid, very earnestly stupid, and doesn’t seem aware enough of that fact to be entertaining for more than a hate watch - and my hate plate is full already. Dropped after 1 episode.

Last Hope

I remember almost nothing about Last Hope other than that it was both pretentious and nonsensical, which kind of illustrates why Yoshiyuki Tomino is wise enough to stay out of anything that isn’t his beautiful Gundam baby, and it’s a shame that Kawamori (father of Super Dimensional Fortress Macross) doesn’t stick with what he knows, which is mech design. (No, seriously, he’s got a ton of credits on MAL and they’re almost all for that.) Dropped after 1 episode.

BAKI

Oh, BAKI, it’s okay, you’re a remnant from a different time. That time was right around when Mars of Destruction seemed like a good idea. It’s not that bad so I shouldn’t really mention them in the same sentence, but the hyper-violent imagery of this show is on the level of the Berserk manga. It’s unfortunate that I had to leave it after one episode because Netflix picked up a sequel that relies heavily on your pre-existing investment (just like with the Dragons TV show, for the record). Dropped after 1 episode.

A.I.C.O. Incarnation

I stuck with this one longer than any other that I didn’t drop, but in hindsight I shouldn’t have wasted my time. It’s one of the worst-looking Bones productions I’ve ever seen and the plot is a dumb ripoff of a much better science fiction series. Dropped after six episodes.

B: The Beginning

Probably the biggest waste of money on this list, B has such lavish animation that you can almost forget that you have absolutely no clue what’s happening or what the context of the story even is. It tries really hard to be both Psycho-Pass and Death Note at the same time to the point of cutting between them multiple times per scene, and it just ends up a badly jumbled mess, albeit one with really pretty colors. Dropped after 3 episodes.

Kakegurui

I still don’t have much to say here because the topic has been so thoroughly covered by The Anime Pope, so I’ll resummarize here - this is a show about gambling where the stakes seem utterly meaningless, even though it tries to impress us by showering money on the characters.

Children of the Whales

It’s so pretty, but it’s so boring. Children of the Whales succeeds in looking beautiful, but fails as a story that wants to be grim and apocalyptic but comes across as a soft-hearted small-village story that gets surprisingly violent four episodes in. This should have been the tone from the beginning, and the entire thing needed a good kick in the pants. Dropped after five episodes.

FINISHED

Sirius the Jaeger (6/10)

One that I waited a long time for after seeing the PV at Anime Central last year, and wound up pretty disappointed by in general. It looks nice (...at first), given that P.A. Works at least knows how to make a show visually appealing on a consistent basis, but the plot jumps so far into cliched stupidity by the end that, even though it had a few twists I wasn’t expecting, they couldn’t save it from being something I won’t recommend to anyone with as much anime experience as myself.

Lost Song (7/10)

(Author’s note: Yeah, apparently nobody on all of Tumblr has made a GIF of this one...)

Lost Song was a pleasant surprise that I wasn’t expecting to be invested enough to finish. One of the best of LIDENFILMS’ output, it manages to weave together a decent fantasy Symphogear AU fanfic, with interesting third-act twists peppering the last few episodes that made it memorable despite looking pretty generic. There’s a sequel due this year, too!

Hi Score Girl (7/10)

A very visually distinctive show with a neat concept that didn’t dive far enough into the heavy subjects it brings up, Hi Score Girl sits in a place where I like the presentation of it a lot more than I like the story. Don’t get me wrong, the romance is certainly cute, and I won’t begrudge a love triangle if it’s meant to be the primary conflict of a show, but the fact that it spent most of its last episode setting up for later robbed it of the chance to give us a satisfying place to leave off until the next part of this adaptation. Luckily, it got a second season, hopefully to finish the adaptation later this year.

Forest of Piano (7/10)

A good first try by a fledgling studio, but not one that lives up to what it really wants to be due to some very bad habits. I still distinctly remember the constant character shilling, and it feels like the story could have happened a little faster if not for the breaks every few minutes to heap praise upon the protagonist. Also, the mo-cap piano playing still looks weird. I’ll probably watch the sequel though, to see if it gets concluded well.

Dragon Pilot: Hisone to Masotan (8/10)

I literally just did my write-up for this one, so I don’t have much new to say here, but I’m pleased that Dragon Pilot turned out as well as it did despite not being what I quite expected from it.

Aggretsuko (8/10)

A fantastic and rather unorthodox look at what it’s actually like to be an adult in the Japanese workforce, Aggretsuko was an early darling of the year, and the only things that could have made it better were a more interesting visual presentation and a less squirrelly ending. Shame that the Christmas Special was...not good.

Devilman Crybaby (9/10)

It was so, so good...right up until the end. Yeah, that’s the only thing holding this back from a perfect score - I really, really hate the ending, and it needed to be changed. I know that, for most people, the best show of the year was either this one, or the most conspicuous work that hasn’t yet appeared on this list, though, so…

BEST NETFLIX SHOW OF THE YEAR: Violet Evergarden (10/10)

Oh God, what beautiful cry-porn. I hope that Kyoto Animation was paid well for their best show in years, and I’m kind of shocked that the two shows that made me sob the most this year both came out in the same season (thanks, A Place Further Than the Universe). I won’t spoil more than I did in my original review, but Netflix should be pushing this to literally everyone who would be even casually interested in watching it.

And that’s it! Last but not least, the last list won’t be a roundup of the whole year (since, you know, I’ve already done that in big chunks), but a list of the Class of 2018 Superlatives. Look forward to it!