#I’ve been wanting to write this scene for approximately EIGHT YEARS

[scribble-dee-vee]

The fourteen-year-old that still lives in my brain wants to stay up all night and finish chapter 23. Unfortunately, I have WORK tomorrow. Disgusting homophobic etc

[bleachbleachbleach]

1/1/23-1/7/23

I finished another chapter! Chapter 6, which is the chapter around which the entire fanfic was formed--and the first one I started writing, approximately 1 million years ago. It’s 7000 words, which is still 25% longer than I imagined these being, and I want to jump to revision mode, but I don’t think that really makes sense until I’ve completed more of the chapters and I can revise in an actual direction. 

I think the chapter works at the macro level, in the way that it speaks to he overall story/themes; and at the micro level, in the sense that I enjoy individual scenes. But at the actual, like, “this is a coherent and interesting chapter-length reading experience” level… I’m not sure. I think I know that I should probably cut things liberally, but I also want to convince myself that everything should stay. Does the chapter need to open with 1000+ words of Akon and Rose discussing one (1) kekkai and their opinions on… American Modernism…? Does the answer change if the next 400 words are Akon, the narrating POV, listening to Hitsugaya and Kensei completely ignore him while they argue about mushrooms? If the 2000 after that are "3 Public Health Violations the Gotei Committed and 1 They Didn’t"? The answer is both "clearly no" and "obviously yes."

In any case, here is the scene for which the whole rest of this fic will have been written just to give this scene a home:

Using his machete and Hisagi’s, Muguruma transfers one of his rocks from the flames to pool, steam spitting violently as he transfers another, and another.

Within minutes, the water boils, and in another ten Hitsugaya’s nettles are giving off a pleasantly piquant aroma, mushrooms bobbling like jellyfish between the rocks. At home, Akon is a grazer, taking most of his meals cold and scattered both throughout his lab and his day, but he finds himself staring wolfishly at the soup.

"We don’t have to wait for Kuchiki, do we?" Akon asks. "There’s plenty of nettles for a second pot. She doesn’t need to know there were mushrooms."

"Where the hell is she, anyway?" Muguruma mutters.

"I can guess," says Abarai. "It could be a while. She gets stubborn about it."

"We’d feel it if anything happened to her," Matsumoto reasons. "She can’t have gone too far."

"Wait. Not in here," Hisagi realizes. "We wouldn’t feel it in here. Outoribashi-taichou’s kekkai—"

"No one said anything about any kekkai!" someone shouts out of the darkness.

Like the others, Kuchiki emerges in sound before sight, snapping branches as she muddles through the woods. "Tell people if you’re planning to put something like that up!" she pants.

"Didn’t stop any of you!" Muguruma shouts in Kuchiki’s direction. "Though I don’t know if that’s a compliment to your tracking skills or a burn on Rose’s kekkai."

"My tracking skills are excellent," Kuchiki declares as she stumbles into the firelight. She has more forest on her head than hair and looks substantially wetter than she had several hours ago. "I am a hunting genius."

She holds up two hares by their broken necks, one in each hand.

There’s a palpable tremor as everyone’s attention rushes Kuchiki and this new development. Hisagi gasps audibly. Matsumoto claps. Kuchiki beams, still breathless.

"Good work. Hope you’re a cooking genius, too. Get over here, Kuchiki. Quickly!" Muguruma barks at her.

"They’re still warm. I ran back as fast as I could," she assures him.

Kuchiki flings one of the hares at Abarai’s head as she makes her way toward the fire. Before it’s even found its mark she drops to one knee and drapes the remaining hare over her thigh. One quick motion and the guts push out its rear into the dirt. There’s another wet plop—Abarai’s hare following suit. It’s not much longer before the heads are severed and Kuchiki is peeling the skin from her hare center-out, like a coat. Eight satisfying pops as the feet come off.

Akon can’t remember the last time he ate meat. Not since the war began, surely, but it’s not served in the Gotei messes, either. It would have had to have been at some Event, and Akon does not make a habit of attending those. The Men’s Association had had a barbecue some years back, but it had ended up being mostly sweet potatoes.

Nevertheless, Akon can imagine the crisp black edges, glazed hard and shiny by flame, locking in the juices within. He can taste the soft jelly of the liver as it slides over his tongue, gamey and rich.

"Aw, shit."

Akon peers through the flames. Muguruma is poking at the long slab of liver that had come from Kuchiki’s hare, its color mottled with white.

Kuchiki bites her lip.

The rest of the group stays silent. The campfire pops and hisses.

"This one’s clean," Abarai says quietly, holding up the liver. The rest of his hare is in five neat pieces. "Heart and liver, throw in a kidney if anyone’s real hungry. It’ll be enough."

The look in Kuchiki’s eyes suggests it is not, in fact, enough. She looks like she could eat several rabbits on her own.

"That’s new-dead, isn’t it?" Akon asks. "I wouldn’t worry about it. The heat will kill—"

"No!" It’s Abarai, forceful, almost a snarl. The same tremor that awoke when Kuchiki first displayed the hares rushes through the group again, this time in reverse. An outgoing tide, leeching warmth from eyes and color from cheeks.

"It’s not worth the risk," Muguruma agrees. "This mission is get in, get out. We don’t have time for anyone to be getting sick."

Akon holds his hands up defeat. As usual, opinion trumps data. It’s how these things usually go. Akon has watched a lot of things die from a lot of different bugs, painstakingly recording symptoms and physiological responses T + x days, sometimes weeks later. It can take a lot of work to kill a shinigami like that, even controlling for prime conditions, where the bacteria are able to repopulate themselves unencumbered, and don’t get burned out by reiatsu punching out of the body. But Akon gathers that at least one in this group has watched at least one friend die like this, and one is always enough. They don’t have the comfort of the thousand test subjects this bug couldn’t kill. They only see the death.

So, quietly, Rukia disposes of her hare—its mottled liver, its still heart, the promise of its meat—somewhere in the shadows beyond the campfire, to be dealt with later.

As the skewered pieces of hare cook, kidneys bobbing in the soup as Muguruma replaces the now-cool rocks with fresh ones from the fire and the water boils anew, they pass a shallow drinking bowl around, taking hot soup into cold bodies. They try to drown the pangs of hunger in their stomachs. They pass liquor in the other direction. And when the meat is ready, they enjoy it while it lasts.

[ato-matsuri]

On Agartha

Been a while since I’ve written a long text post, most of all one about Fate. It honestly inspires a lot of rambling in me, after all. But I don’t think, this time, it’s due to its good writing, the emotions it makes me feel, or anything good. This, my friend, is about Agartha. I should probably prelude that this contains a metric shit ton of Agartha spoilers. If you haven’t seen Agartha, and you’re actually wanting to see the story -- scroll past. But, having played through Agartha completely and rested on the story for a bit, I think I want to repeat what everyone else has for ages lol.

Agartha, on paper, is incredible. A subterranean world built off fantastical story off fantastical story, made by a woman known for her ability to weave story after story, within stories, on the fly, and from a database of every possible Arabian Nights tale. Where the fear Scheherazade has due to Shahryar's endless abuse and fearmongering has stretched even to men as a whole due to literal years of having to survive Shahryar. Where the only leaders were queens, where the only rebellion force was a man so horrifically corrupt that he'd easily fall for the tricks she played. Her intent -- to reveal magecraft forever, removing any power magecraft has, saving her from ever having to fight and face kings -- and die -- ever again. That... sounds pretty good when I describe it that way, huh? Now if only it were executed with any modicum of sense.

From the beginning, Agartha's writing struck me as remarkably odd. It was like I was watching someone desperately try to emulate Nasu's writing style -- but had absolutely no idea what made Nasu's writing so good. Its exposition dumps, rather than being interesting, ended up being thoroughly boring -- as they focused on the mundane, like the fact that moss glows to light up the landscape -- instead of the magical implications of a world like Agartha even existing to begin with. Albeit, with the mystery of Agartha at that time, we can safely assume that there wasn't much to focus on, but then why spend so damned long talking about this stuff?

The worldbuilding, while passable, feels fairly flawed in execution. The idea of a world made the way Agartha was could've made for some interesting commentary about the way men treated (and still do treat) women in modern society, but Agartha not only misses the point, but tumbles head-over-ass into the uncanny valley and makes the whole thing sound like a continent-wide BDSM session. There's barely any actual subtle or well-done symbolism to showcase misogyny in this way -- and while hyperbole can serve a good point at times, the hyperbole combined with the strangely sexual writing of these segments makes it feel less like commentary and more like a badly-done doujin.

For example -- El Dorado was as simple as it gets. Men are slaves/breeding machines/whatever. The whole 'breeding machine' thing is played off extensively, even with Penth -- a minor at this stage, mind you -- comments on using the protagonists as such breeding machines. I'll come back to this later, because this serves as another point.

Ys was a fucking cool concept -- a world ruled entirely by rampant consumerism and chaos. Men, in this world, are still second-class citizens, pretty much the playthings of the women around them. I say that Ys is the best kingdom comparatively, as it was at least more bearable than its other kingdoms, but it still felt weirdly sexual in its writing tone. Of course, following tone, Dahut (who I'll get back to later) smashes men constantly, and is very keen on fucking Guda as well, following a trend. It's played for comedy, mostly, but it's still uncomfortable as all hell. Even so, I note it's more bearable because it's a very slightly more subtle take on the whole 'misogyny' allegory -- these people are using men for basically whatever they want, and tossing them away after. I'd compare it to a few true crime cases of people who murdered, or assaulted women for no good reason at all, purely out of a want that was either denied (for good reason), or that the want itself was to inflict harm. While the allegory still does feel unintentional here, it's at least slightly less unintentional. It was probably mostly just by accident due to Agartha's generally uncomfortable writing style, but the allegory here feels a little more potent when it's not so blatantly a BDSM fic.

I hate the Nightless City, despite it again being a cool concept. A 'utopia' where speaking out at all means death -- where men are in concept free citizens, but in practice fall victim to the law if they look at someone funny. Again, in concept, great allegory. The law does not treat men and women the same -- and while it differs depending on the case which is preferred, the vast majority of the time, women are pretty much shafted by the legal system (see Brock Turner), especially in very conservative areas. Cases can be made for both genders being shafted, of course -- but for the purpose of this allegory, picking out the prejudices of the legal system against gender is a fair critique. But, like everything else Agartha does, these neat ideas fall flat in practice.

They barely touch at all on the allegory, and nobody seems to even realize it in the cast, making me further believe the allegories aren't intentional at all. In due fact, it's as if the writer didn't even realize that this could be read as an allegory. The men's plights make some sense, as they were yoinked out of nowhere into a world that hates them. But the Servants and Guda don't think about it at all past the 'wow men are slaves that sucks' -- barely even considering that this could be an allegory the world's creator made due to their own horrific circumstances. They do point this out, but to my knowledge, it's very late -- when Scheherazade's called on her bluff, only then is it ever mentioned, and only in passing at that. If anything, the fact they point this out so close to the ending makes the ending itself that much more insulting. But before I get to the ending, I think there's something else about Agartha that sets the scene for just how awful it is -- and that's the way the characters are written, and the dialogue that comes of it. For this, I'll split it up into the characters who portray this the most. I'll even describe their personalities in Agartha's context.

Guda: Crouching pervert, hidden Mash stan. A few non-sequiturs of Guda complimenting Mash despite the mood being completely broken by it. Guda's incapable of taking a situation seriously in Agartha, even when the world's basically due to be changed forever. They keep cracking jokes, creeping on Astolfo/d'Eon, and other such things even when people are literally dying all around him. For that matter, I clearly recall the scene where -- for no real reason -- Guda just changes gears with Mash in tow, and starts trying to decipher d'Eon's gender. There's absolutely no real context to this, nor any reason for Guda to do this. Further noted is the fact Guda has worked with d'Eon before, and should've probably realized d'Eon's situation by this point. The Nasuverse has always been a bit, er, behind on gender norms and such, but it's so prevalent in any scene with d'Eon it hurts -- especially in that particular scene.

Astolfo: Oddly enough, the most tolerable person here (sans one other person). Agartha's refusal to take itself seriously works remarkably well for Astolfo. And while Astolfo isn't exactly written well here either, the fact that Astolfo's always been a bit loopy makes them seem, well, more in character. They're responsible for some of the funnier moments in Agartha, with their input composing approximately 3/4 of the, like, seven or eight funny moments in Agartha proper. Even so, Astolfo's appearance sometimes hurts Agartha as much as they help it, probably since Astolfo is a bit of the reason Agartha won't take itself seriously.

d'Eon: Deserved fucking better. The previously mentioned scene was the worst offender by far in my eyes, with it coming out of fucking nowhere. d'Eon's paired with Astolfo as a buddy and fighting partner, which itself could've made for good material -- instead, d'Eon is constantly dragged into Astolfo's fanservice-y gimmicks, and d'Eon themselves are pretty often creeped on by Guda. I'd go out on a limb to say that d'Eon's implied dislike of gendered clothing (see the maid outfit) made their scenes wearing such outfits far more uncomfortable, especially with how distinctly sexual the Agartha humour is. I just hated it.

Columbus: I can't fucking believe I'm saying this, but Columbus was the funniest character in Agartha. And I don't even think that was intentional. Something about how unabashedly horrible he was caught me completely off guard -- I thought he'd end up sort of like Napoleon at a glance, someone whose Spirit Origin was completely changed due to Europe's collective worship of the dude -- but holy FUCK was I wrong. Something about the hilariously cursed faces Columbus pulls, combined with his loud-and-proud irredeemable evilness, made him a blast to watch -- and an even bigger blast to beat the shit out of. His, uh, toothy grin still cracks me up even a few weeks after playing it.

Penthesilea: One of a very large amount of people who really deserved better. She barely ever shows up -- and when she does, she voices her desire to turn Guda and co. into a breeding machine/slave (recall she's like. 16?), and pretty much throws the whole 'reasonable-ish zerk' thing out the window instantly, because Agartha decided to forego decent writing in favour of 'funny berserker hates achilles haha brrrrrr,' therefore losing pretty much all the characterization they could've given her. The lack of 'alternate views' that show her in greater detail make this far worse, which I'll go into later.

Dahut: God, wasted potential out the asshole! A woman who made an entire world that fucked around and needlessly consumed stuff, she's the epitome of such a belief. But that's all she is. I'd be able to forgive this awful writing if Scheherazade, who 'implanted' Drake onto Dahut, was a bad writer -- but she's fucking Scheherazade! Dahut's a completely flat character, who constantly tries to bed (and kill) Guda, and generally likes the idea of needless consumption. That's literally it. Again, could be explained if Dahut had difficulty keeping control of Drake's body and conscience -- but this isn't explored either! She's just a walking, talking missed opportunity.

Wu: God, look at her design. Do I even need to say more?! She falls under the same problem that the other rulers do -- shallow characterization, no opportunities to flesh them out, etc.

Scheherazade: She could've been so fucking amazing. Scheherazade's story is one ripe with interpretations the Fate series so loves to utilize -- and on paper, her character is amazing. It'd only be natural for someone like Schez to be this deeply traumatized after so many days on death's door -- not many could really get through that okay. The incredible storyteller who fears death, kings, and unconsciously, men as a whole -- creating Agartha as a subtle way of ensuring none of them harm her while she prepares her ultimate plan of revealing magecraft to the entire world. However, as with the other Agartha characters, she becomes cripplingly one-note. Bringing her fear of death above all else, she comes off as an unreasonable asshole, constantly freaking out about death and preserving exclusively herself to a fault. While one could argue it's partially due to a Pillar's influence, Phenex doesn't seem to have a hold on her at all -- it's a basic alliance, and nothing more, as the ending shows us. It just leaves her as a one-note death avoider, with no other character traits at all. I'd go into further detail, but I'm saving that for later.

Fergus: God fucking damnit, man. A literal child version of Fergus, who the entire cast constantly expects to sexually harass every woman in sight. He's a one-note flanderization of Fergus, just without the one character trait Agartha gave Fergus. It just makes him... boring, a character whose only character trait is his refusal to hit a woman. Like... Come on. The fact the entire team is so sure this literal child will start trying to hit on women is just uncomfortable to witness, and the fact he slowly starts gaining these traits feels less like him 'meeting his fate' as Fergus, and more like Agartha wants an excuse to sexually harass more of the cast.

The Fucking Ending I'm giving this its own category, because of just how much of a punch to the face it was. In short -- the plan to reveal magecraft is revealed, more jokes are made, bla bla bla. Agartha can't keep a serious mood at all. ...But the final few scenes take it to a whole other extreme.

Wu Zetian comes out of nowhere despite being squashed by Megalos earlier, stuffing Phenex into a pit of her weird water shit, placing Phenex in a state of 'life and death.' Child Fergus then sac's his own Spirit Origin to summon Fergus inside himself(???), thus gaining the power of Caladbolg to weaken Phenex enough for the player to destroy. ...However, Child Fergus just summoned Fergus inside his own body. So, what happens when you put Agartha!Fergus, a one-note sexual harasser, into the body of a child? You get the final scene of Agartha. For some reason, I guess you need more help from others to take out Phenex. To this end, Fergus decides to convince Schez to join their side. I'd like you to recall that FGO!Scheherazade is implied to have the trauma of Shahryar's abuse, sexual and physical, burned into her memory -- not just the whole death thing. In every form of the story, Shahryar abuses her in such a fashion almost nightly. It's to the point where Schez' first line of defence, and much of her skills, are as much oriented around storytelling as they are charm and seduction (moreso the former than the latter, albeit), because her defence mechanism was that as much as it was storytelling, to keep her abuser happy. This is a part of why Agartha is the way it is -- to keep such men away from her. Hell, there's not a single King in sight, save technically Fergus, and Chaldea's d'Eon and Astolfo. Fergus knows this. Hell, he heard this being called out. He's well aware how terrified she is. So, what does he do?

SEXUALLY HARASS HER. He claims she has to live to have kids. That men and women have to live to have kids. He claims that she should live, because he'd smash her. ...Now, that's insulting enough -- moreso, that it's played dead serious. Nobody even as much as calls him on such a shitty persuasion tactic, and nobody even mentions how awful it is to sexually harass a woman who'd been sexually assaulted at best for the better part of almost three straight years. AND IT. FUCKING. WORKS.

SCHEHERAZADE. IS IMPLIED. TO BE INTO IT.

And because of this, she's swayed to join the heroes and seal Phenex away for good -- giggling about how Fergus' worldview was partially correct even as she fades away. The epilogue features Fergus, sexually harassing Scheherazade ON SIGHT -- calling out 'tits on my 12:00' or whatever, as Scheherazade darts off. However, Schez isn't avoiding him due to trauma. She's avoiding it because, while she's into it, she doesn't want to 'die' so fast. This fucking ending highlights among the biggest issues with this damned Singularity. Even Blavatsky coming out of fucking nowhere to Deus Ex Machina a grail and help into Guda's hands -- despite seemingly being slaughtered by Columbus in a (admittedly a bit funny) way to get the base of the Resistance -- means nothing to me compared to the blatant slaughter of two characters at once. Fergus is a total horndog even outside of Agartha's reach, but he even notes he respects his partners' consent, and doesn't overstep his bounds if he makes them uncomfortable. Scheherazade isn't exactly trusting in the slightest, least of all in Agartha - she barely even begins trusting Guda due to Guda treating her with actual respect. Even then, she isn't actively prostrating herself for Guda in that sense, very likely due to the fact that's more of a defence mechanism to her rather than something she'd enjoy, due to extreme trauma. Albeit, Fate writing does leave the possibility in the air for Guda specifically, but that's very likely just due to Guda being Guda and being careful to treat her properly and help her than anything else (and also the whole 'self insert harem' thing, I guess, but that's a hell of a lot easier to ignore esp in contrast to Agartha) And yet, we see that epilogue, that butchers both of them in one fell swoop so badly that I almost ended up hating both of them. Agartha's biggest problem is that it tried to be deep and intriguing, while having the writing quality of the goddamned Valentine's events. It picked all the right characters to have an incredibly intriguing storyline, and fell flat because the author decided that playing sexual harassment, d'Eon's everything, and even the most serious scenes for comedy was more important than telling a story even half as meaningful as the chapters before it. Lo and behold -- to my knowledge, Minase wrote it. Of course he did. He chose the best, the most interesting characters he could find, and made them so fucking one-note that the story lost all its charm in moments. He chose to emulate Nasu without understanding what made Nasu's writing so good. He chose to make Agartha a laugh fest despite simultaneously trying to make it 'deep.' He chose to fall head-over-ass over a possibly interesting allegory into misogyny and fall right into sexualizing it to the point of feeling like a femdom BDSM fic. And go figure the only character he did decently was Christopher fucking Columbus. I have a hatred for Agartha I can't reasonably place anywhere else. Prillya was just as shitty, but I ignored it, because Prillya itself wasn't great, so of course the crossover sucks too. Valentine's events written by him weren't great, but whatever, it's a Valentine's event. Septem, written by someone else, was similarly not great. But it wasn't insulting. It simply wasn't great, and had a lot of wasted potential. But its ending wasn't out of character to the point of being insulting. Its story didn't make incredible mythological and historical figures too infuriating to like anymore. It didn't almost ruin entire Fate characters for me. Not the way Agartha did. I should probably contextualize that Scheherazade is among my favourite mythological figures. I introduced myself to her through Magi (lmao) due to further research into the base stories -- as well as a favourite Magic: The Gathering card, Shahrazad, which forced you to play a game within your game, like how Arabian Nights featured stories within stories.

Even in Fate outside of Agartha, I liked her. Her design didn't make much sense to me considering her character, but whatever, I didn't need to think too hard of it. It's just a design, and despite my hatred of Penth's design, I still love Penth as a character, so I can handle Schez. But Agartha painted her in such a way that all the subtlety and interesting parts of Schez went completely out the window. No longer was there any hidden references to the aftereffects of her life beyond 'i dun wan die,' and there was hardly an ounce of sympathy or kindness in her bones at all. While her being an anti-hero made some sense, especially as she was only a normal person with far above-average storytelling prowess, there was a point when she stopped being a 'good, but terrified person' and started being a complete asshole. And Agartha was that time. If it weren't for her Interlude, which redeemed her considerably, and Ooku, which did wonders for her character despite being written by Minase (as I believe Nasu was overseeing him at that point), I very likely would've never gone for her at all, despite my love of the myth. In Conclusion This rant is just to say that Agartha is bad. Horrific. Insulting, even. At every step where it could've been good, it tumbled head-over-ass into the most insulting, uncomfortable shit you could imagine. It failed to take itself seriously, and paced itself like a comedy event, but simultaneously acted as if it expected its audience to take it seriously. Like a clown brigade deciding to take on Les Mis, it loses all of its punch when every few lines is interrupted by a jab at Fergus, sexual harassment, or something that comes close to being cool before suddenly turning into a badly-timed joke, or suddenly becoming laden with dialogue so sexual it feels straight out of a porno. It's aggravating, awful, and with only brief reprieves of bareable comedy in between long, long lengths of hellish text and awful characterization. The only good part was the gameplay -- which, laden with interesting mechanics not seen elsewhere, was legitimately fun. My take? Avoid all Agartha cutscenes and plot, and just play the gameplay. The gameplay's fun, and if enjoyed on its own, would probably make for a far better experience than observing the story surrounding it. But good gameplay doesn't make up for a horrible story, especially in a game where plot is as important as it is in F/GO. Agartha's a pile of shit in my eyes, but that's ultimately only my opinion, and nothing more. If others have an opinion counter to mine, that's completely fine -- and don't let this analysis ruin your fun with Agartha if you enjoyed its plot. To be frank, I'd be happy if you enjoyed it where I could not. And if you think my takes are misinformed, or if I missed a spot (or overreacted to a spot), that's what the reblogs and comments are for! I'm definitely not the kind of dude who has the final say in matters like this -- this is only what I picked up. Thank you for reading!

[voltrontranscript]

VLD S8E7: Day Forty-Seven

Season 8 Episode 7: Day Forty-Seven

Transcript by @dragonofyang

Summary: Kinkade and Rizavi film a vlog that follows a relatively normal day on the IGF-Atlas with its humorous moments and the stress of battle.

[Google Doc]

Kinkade: Hello. This is Lieutenant Ryan Kinkade, MFE pilot. The time is 0600 hours. It’s day forty-seven. And this is a glimpse at day-to-day life aboard the IGF-Atlas.

[Cut to Kinkade brushing his teeth as the camera floats over his shoulder.]

Kinkade: Last night, I unpacked my video gear and decided to document the crew. I know it seems strange, but before Earth was attacked, I didn’t go anywhere without my camera.

[Cut to Kinkade running on a treadmill.]

Kinkade: Back home, people asked me why I liked recording things. They also asked me why I didn’t talk that much. To both of those things, I’d always say… [grunts]

[Cut to Kinkade doing pull-ups.]

Kinkade: Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty.

Romelle: You’re recording? Why?

Griffin: Kinkade has always been, uh… an individual who’s most comfortable observing and reflecting on life. Being a fighter pilot was actually his backup plan.

[Cut to Kinkade wearing a blindfold as he works on his blaster rifle.]

Kinkade: It’s true. I learned how to shoot with a camera before I learned how to shoot with a rifle. I guess filming is just a small piece of the larger puzzle that makes up the picture of who I am. Hm.

[Cut to Kinkade turning the camera on once more and walking to a fighter jet.]

Rizavi: So you’re really shooting another documentary? Please tell me this is going to be more exciting than that project you did for Mr. Pollard’s biology class about yeast.

Kinkade: That was actually about the process of fermentation. Yeast converts carbohydrates into carbon diox--

Rizavi: Boring! Okay, look, if this little documentary is how history will remember us, I’m gonna help you spruce it up! How many cameras do you have? What’s your visual effects budget? Do you have any smoke bombs?

[Cut to Keith and Pidge facing the camera as it focuses on Pidge directly.]

Kinkade: Okay. We’re set.

Rizavi: So, uh, catch us up on what’s going on.

Pidge: Right. Well, the Atlas is headed to the Grei-Aye system where we’ve identified the remains of a disabled robeast.

Rizavi: Oh! Those things are pretty dangerous, right?

Pidge: Do I need to explain that the robeast was one of the ones used in Honerva’s intergalactic ritual?

Rizavi: No, it’s fine.

Pidge: Okay. Um, so, once the Atlas arrives in orbit around the planet, the other Paladins and I will head down to the surface to secure the robeast and hopefully find its Altean pilot.

Rizavi: Ugh, okay. Keith! Why don’t you tell us about the dangers of this mission?

Keith: Well, every mission has some inherent dangers. For this one, we have to be especially diligent about the robeast. Even if it’s not fully functional, it can still pose an extreme threat. Combine that with the hostile Altean that’s probably still in the vicinity, and you’ve potentially got threats on multiple fronts.

Hunk: Hey, guys. What’s up? You making a movie? Cool. Can I be in it? Now, wait, if this is an action movie… is it? I don’t wanna be in it.

Rizavi: Hunk, we’re trying to do an interview here.

Hunk: Oh, sorry. Yeah, my bad. I just came by to see if you wanted to try this new recipe I’ve been experimenting with. This is just the first pass. The final version of it will be coming soon. No, Bae Bae! Not for you! I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’ll make you some doggy treats later.

Kinkade: What’s the recipe? Can we watch you work?

Hunk: Well, yeah! Yeah, this’ll be great! I’ve secretly always wanted my own cooking show.

Rizavi: What? No! Keith was just telling us about the mission and all the dangers! We’re not losing that to document cooking.

Kinkade: But, I like cooking.

Rizavi: It’s like you’re trying to make this boring.

Hunk: Whoa, first of all, cooking is not boring, okay? And it can bring people together. Some of the best times of my life were spent breaking bread with loved ones.

Keith: So, is this interview over?

Rizavi: No! Great, now the talent’s getting restless!

Iverson: Everyone, report to your battle stations immediately! I repeat… battle stations immediately! This is not a drill!

Rizavi: The camera!

Kinkade: Leave it! We need to go!

Rizavi: But this is gold!

Kinkade: Come o--

Iverson: MFE pilots, report to hangars alpha-bravo! Scrambling fighters in five! Paladins, stand by for launch.

[Scene change as Bae Bae finds the fallen camera and carries it around.]

Shiro: Where did it come from? Veronica, get me eyes on it!

Coran: That thing just appeared out of nowhere!

Shiro: Iverson, fire when ready!

Iverson: Target acquired! We’ve got lock! Wait. No… we lost it! Target has gone dark!

Veronica: Electromagnetic radiation from that planet is overloading our radars.

Shiro: Voltron, do you have a visual? I repeat, Voltron, do you have a visual?

Keith: Not yet. We’re going in now! Stand by! We can’t see a thing in here!

Griffin: Copy that. We have zero visibility as well. We need a visual.

Curtis: Roger. Trying another avenue. Scanning for biometrics. Visual acquired!

Coran: Incoming!

Iverson: Recharging all starboard cannons!

Curtis: Sensors are offline!

Iverson: What is that thing?

Coran: It’s massive!

Shiro: Iverson, open fire!

Coran: Direct hit! It’s coming back around for another shot!

Shiro: Veronica, prep shields!

[Scene change as the camera falls down a vent into Sam and Slav’s workstation.]

Sam: Whatever hit us just knocked loose the gravity generator! Grab the flaxum assembly!

Slav: I can’t do that! It’s red!

Sam: Is this one of your crazy probability, reality things?

[Scene change to a hallway as soldiers float through to their stations.]

Shiro: All crew, report to stations and prepare for Atlas transformation--

Atlas Crewmember: Go, go, go!

Shiro: --in T-minus thirty seconds!

[Scene change as Bae Bae finds the camera again and carries it.]

Colleen: Bae Bae, what are you doing out here? And what’s this in your mouth? A camera? Come on, girl.

Shiro: All crew, prepare for Atlas transformation sequence in five… four… three… two… one!

[Scene change as the camera dies, then powers on again facing Kinkade once more.]

Kinkade: Camera’s fully charged. We’re good to go. The time is now 0900 hours. We just experienced a minor mishap aboard the IGF-Atlas, but we’re back on track. In the future, we’ll hopefully be avoiding creature-occupied gas planets.

[Cut to Kinkade floating through a hallway.]

Kinkade: Hey, Seok Jin, where you headed?

Seok Jin: I’m transporting these samples back to Earth. Commander Holt thinks it can help with the recovery efforts there.

Kinkade: Well, they couldn’t have picked a better man for the job. Take care, man. Hey, Seok Jin… we’ll miss you, buddy.

[Scene change to the camera looking into the mess hall, where Vrepit Sal is cleaning tables and then rotates to face the hallway.]

Rizavi: There you are! Tell me this thing was recording during the attack! That was so intense! Oh, this documentary’s gonna be awesome!

[Cut to Kolivan sitting in a small office facing the camera.]

Kolivan: I believe our heading readout en route was 92254739.275. Wait, no. It was 9.265. Yes. That was our heading per our readout just prior to our deployment.

Rizavi: [mock snoring]

Kolivan: Our teams vary in size. Often we use the three-person unit, but it’s not unusual to have a four- or a five- or perhaps even a six-person unit. Seven seems rare, but... it could happen.

Rizavi: Okay, I like everything you’re telling me, but let’s just try it a little less like you’re reporting the facts to your commanding officer and a little more like you’re telling your friend an exciting story in the gym. You understand?

Kolivan: Yes, understood.

Rizavi: Okay, good. Why don’t you tell us about your last mission?

Kolivan: Our last mission took place on planet K-V Exus. The Blades divided into three four-person teams and we escorted approximately twelve rescue crafts to the surface. I believe our heading readout was 359.222--

Rizavi: Thank! Thank you! Okay, I think we got it!

Kolivan: But I wasn’t done.

Rizavi: Yeah, you nailed it. Yeah. We need to get someone more exciting in here.

[Cut to Coran leaning into the camera as it slowly attempts to focus on him.]

Coran: Then the Atlas started firing with everything it had! And don’t forget the white hole is swirling right next to us the entire time! Oh, no, it’s about to close! Meanwhile, not one, but two, yes, two, robeasts are attacking! Shiro’s shouting out orders. “Coran, get closer! Iverson, open fire!” Beams of quintessence energy are converging from all over the galaxy! Ah! You know, you could just imagine it.

[Scene change to Rizavi turning the camera on in Slav and Sam’s workspace.]

Sam: Welcome to the engine room. What you see here is just a tiny part of what keeps the ship functioning.

Rizavi: Slav, you’ve created some incredible technology. What do you think of the Atlas?

Slav: I can respect any engineering that extrapolates for transmutation, but I wish the writing was in Altean.

Sam: He’s mentioned that a few times.

Rizavi: So what are you doing now?

Slav: Right now we’re about to adjust the gravity generator, which was fractionally increased during our last battle.

Sam: Yes, our gravity generator is actually a fluid system, ever-changing depending on the specific needs of the location, so it requires recalibrating from time to time. Okay, adjust gravity generator back down to .12.

Slav: Copy. Adjusting now.

Sam: What did you press?

Slav: I don’t know! Which one is the two again? I can’t read these weird symbols you call numbers! Hey, big guy, toss me over! Oh, no. Directly on a crack!

Kinkade: Weird.

[Cut to the camera focusing on some juniberry shoots in a pot.]

Colleen: Beautiful, isn’t it? It’s an Altean juniberry. The first one to bloom in nearly ten thousand years. I managed to get it to grow by resequencing the genetic code of a similar plant. I wanna give it to Allura. These are our fertilizers. We have fish emulsion, worm castings, Kaltenecker manure. Just so much great recycled poop! And this is our lighting station. I like to say our lighting array is literally out of this world! You know, because we’re, you know, on a space ship.

Rizavi: Can I take a shot at this?

[Cut to the camera panning across the crops in the grow room.]

Rizavi: Welcome to extreme space harvesting! Where we have plants and crops and super fertilizers all under one roof! Meet Colleen Holt, the botanical genius behind it all.

[Cut to Colleen sitting in a chair in the grow room.]

Colleen: I guess I just liked plants all my life. I’ve done a lot of research, but I know I have much to learn. I guess… I like… the challenge. I’m sorry, where am I supposed to be looking?

Rizavi: Without Colleen, all life aboard the ship could perish. One bad crop, the introduction of one foreign pest, and it’s all over.

Colleen: I just like plants.

Hunk: Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting something again? I just--I just came in to see if Colleen had a very specific type of yeast.

Kinkade: Yeast? What for?

Rizavi: Oh, no.

Hunk: It’s that recipe I’ve been working on. I think I got the topping down, but I’m still trying to figure out the sweet bread.

Colleen: Well, I have so many strains of yeast, it’ll make your head spin. I got AB972, S288C. I even have O unilateralis. Don’t mess with that one.

Kinkade: Are you getting this?

Rizavi: Unfortunately, yes.

[Camera cuts to Kinkade and Rizavi floating through a hallway.]

Rizavi: The time is 1200 hours. We just got word that we are in the Grei-Aye star system. The Paladins will be heading down to the surface of the planet any second now.

[Cut to the camera facing Allura, Lance, and Keith in the hangar for Black Lion.]

Rizavi: Lance, how are you feeling about the mission you’re about to go on?

Lance: Oh, hey. I’m feeling good, I guess. Maybe a little tense. Maybe a lot tense. I don’t know. Why’d you have to ask me that question?

Allura: I think what Lance is trying to say is he’ll be fine. We all will.

Keith: Let’s move out.

[Camera cuts to Kinkade and Rizavi standing a ways away from Blue Lion as it launches.]

Rizavi: Right now, we’re headed to the situation room where we’ll be monitoring the Paladins in real-time.

Kinkade: By the way, you know we’re not gonna be able to bring our camera into that meeting, right?

Rizavi: Says who?

[Scene change to the situation room where Veronica, Coran, Sam, and Shiro are all facing a screen showing a no-signal symbol.]

Sam: Come in, Pidge. Are you reading us?

Pidge: Okay, we’ve just touched down on the surface.

Keith: We’re at the crash site now.

Pidge: That’s the robeast. It looks disabled, just like our intel reported. The Altean should be nearby.

Shiro: Paladins, brace for incoming!

Hunk: I didn’t know it could do that!

Keith: Take cover!

Shiro: Paladins, report! We’ve lost visual. Bridge, lock onto that ship now!

Curtis: Yes, Captain. Adjusting to long-range parameters. Locked on!

Shiro: Light it up!

Curtis: Direct hit!

Lance: Nice shot, Atlas!

Hunk: Yeah, thanks for the cover!

Shiro: Bridge, stay on alert.

[Cut to the Altean viewscreen of Pidge’s point of view through her helmet.]

Allura: Stand by, Atlas. We’re approaching the ship.

Hunk: Guys, there doesn’t seem to be a pilot inside.

Keith: Hey, guys. Over here.

Pidge: Keith’s found something. Let’s go! Give me a second. Just reconfiguring to this barrier’s isometric frequency. There! That should do it.

Keith: Atlas, our target is acquired.

Overlapping voices: Yippee! Alright! Yeah!

Shiro: Great job, everyone!

[Cut to Kinkade and Rizavi floating through another hallway.]

Rizavi: We just got word that the Paladins have returned from their mission. Maybe we can catch a glimpse of this new Altean.

Kinkade: This’ll be the sixth Altean pilot we’ve recovered from the powered-down robeasts left behind after Honerva escaped Oriande. Allura keeps trying, but she hasn’t been able to get any information from them as of yet.

[Camera cuts to Rizavi standing outside a room marked “Authorized Personnel Only”.]

Rizavi: Commander Shirogane said you two were needed on the bridge. We’ll cover your station.

Woman: Yes, Lieutenant.

Rizavi: There! Oh, man, I think we missed the beginning.

Romelle: Tavo, please. You and I grew up alongside one another. You must trust me. We’re here to help.

Tavo: We were told you are a traitor, and I can see now that it is true.

Allura: I’m done talking with him. I’m done with all of them.

Kinkade: Uh, what are you doing?

Rizavi: Sh! I got an idea.

Lance: Anything?

Allura: No. He was just like the others. A true believer in Honerva, and there’s nothing I can say that would make him think otherwise.

Lance: I’m sorry.

Allura: No, I am. These Alteans are the key to unlocking Honerva’s plan. They’re my people, but they won’t speak with me. You have no idea what it’s like to find out after ten thousand years that you’re not the last of your kind… only to be rejected by them.

Lance: I don’t. But I wish every day there were something I could do to change it all for you. You’ve suffered more than anyone should in a thousand lifetimes. But still you persist. Through the pain, you inspire. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.

Kinkade: No, that’s private.

Rizavi: Kinkade, what are you doing? That was our love angle!

[Camera cuts out, then focuses in on Romelle’s face.]

Kinkade: Please don’t touch that.

Romelle: Oh, sorry.

Rizavi: So, Romelle, you know these Alteans from your time on the colony?

Romelle: Yes, I lived alongside them for many decaphoebs. They are good people.

Kinkade: What do you think would make them join forces with Honerva?

Romelle: I don’t know. But you must understand, my people were hunted nearly to extinction. They’re afraid. And this Honerva… she’s turned that fear to aggression. If there was just some way to get through to them.

[Cut to the mess hall.]

Griffin: I’ve never seen anything like it. All those tentacles… so nasty.

[Cut to the kitchen where Hunk is stirring something purple in a pan.]

Hunk: Oh, hey. You’re just in time. I was just about to add the yeast Colleen gave me. No, Bae Bae! Bad dog!

[Cut to Kinkade and Rizavi sitting at a table with Allura.]

Kinkade: First off, thanks for doing this, Allura.

Allura: You’re welcome.

Rizavi: Maybe we can start with the Alteans we have aboard.

Allura: What about them? They’re on the wrong side of this war and they refuse to speak with me. There’s nothing else to say.

Rizavi: So, you’re frustrated?

Allura: Yes, I am. Oriande was destroyed, Lotor is back, and we aren’t any closer to tracking down Honerva. She’s out there, right now, planning something, preparing, and growing stronger. And we’re here flying around in circles, searching for Fraunhofer lines that don’t appear and scanning for wormhole signatures that don’t exist!

Rizavi: Do you think we’ll ever find Honerva?

Allura: No. I think she’ll find us.

[Camera cuts back to Hunk in the kitchen, this time wearing oven mitts.]

Hunk: Okay, it’s been a long day, but I’m finally done.

Kinkade: What is it?

Hunk: It’s an authentic Altean dessert! I’m gonna give it to the Alteans. Coran helped me with the recipe, but I think his memory was, like, a little bit fuzzy, so, you know, I did some improvising. No big whoop.

Kinkade: You did this for them? Why?

Hunk: Well, I don’t know. Because food has a way of reminding people of moments in time. That’s why I made a dessert. Usually, when you eat dessert, you’re pretty happy, right? Who knows? Maybe this’ll help those Alteans remember some moment that made them smile. Something before all this madness. That could go a long way in building a relationship. Well, that’s just what I think.

[Cut to the Alteans in a holding cell as the camera zooms out and pans to face Hunk.]

Hunk: Please, eat. Look, it’s good! Mm, really!

Tavo: You made this? It reminds me of home.

Hunk: Well, I had a little help from someone born and raised on Altea. A-and I know you don’t wanna talk with them, but Allura and Coran know more about your homeland than anyone alive. They were on Altea until its final day. They both would’ve stayed and died to protect it if Alfor hadn’t sent them away. That’s how much they loved it.

Tavo: I heard Altea was one of the most beautiful places in the universe. Did your Alteans ever tell you about the zyo crystal springs outside of the capital? The stories say those cliffs were more beautiful than all of the stars combined.

Hunk: They never told me about them. But I’m sure they’d love to tell you themselves.

[Scene change to Kinkade sitting in casual clothes facing the camera.]

Kinkade: This is Lieutenant Ryan Kinkade, MFE pilot. The time is 2300 hours. Day forty-seven aboard the IGF-Atlas is officially done.

End.

[accidentalharrie]

Harry Styles: A Crush for the Zeitgeist

At Harry Styles’s “SOLD OUT ONE NIGHT ONLY” celebration in Los Angeles for his new album, Fine Line, a black Lab puppy with a big soft face and chubby paws is the official security dog. As I wait in line and stare at him, he’s staring at his chaperone, pure love in his eyes. The puppy’s training kicks in when the well-manicured probable model ahead of me drops a bag of gourmet cupcakes. The puppy tries to run toward the cupcakes and is eventually taken on a walk to cool off. He could be a mascot here. The demographic of the Harry Styles’s tour kickoff is urgent, excitable sweet tooth.

At the Forum, approximately 17,000 chirpy fans, mostly femme and seemingly circa Styles’s age (25), prance into the stadium with birthday-girl energy and new shirts. The shirt with an impressive plurality here is sold at the merch table outside. (“Where are your regular shirts?” I ask two friends who’ve been on tour with Harry and they laugh and tell me, “In a bag under our seat.” Obviously.) Fifteen minutes before his set time, the merch booths have been picked almost clean. Another probable model is wearing eight gold rings across her fingers that spell F I N E L I N E like brass knuckles.

Instead of wearing Styles concert T-shirts, some of his fans are just dressed like him. If you were wondering where all the bright, high-waisted trousers disappeared to on Friday night, they were with me at the Forum. Like the most consuming of crushes, there is a dual impulse to both be and be with. I count at least five imitations of his Gucci huge-leg sailor-pants look from his album cover. A leopard suit from his last tour; the “Sex” shirt he wore on SNL. For the life of me I can’t keep a Styles song in my head, but the outfits are emblazoned on my cortex. I was at that SNL taping actually, a fact I forgot until I wrote that down. I am a receptive sieve when it comes to this handsome scamp.

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To decode Harry Styles to my date (their cultural interests run more to Björk, 1997–2004, plus 2015), I tell them Styles describes Fine Line as “all about having sex and feeling sad.” My date looks at sea for a second and then asks: “At the same time?”

I can’t wait to know the answer. I’ve heard that Fine Line is testing: Can Styles make soulful and patient ’70s psych-rock and still make fan hearts’ skip a beat in 2019? Styles’s fans have flocked tightly around him since his days in confection-pop band One Direction and they stuck close through his eponymous first solo album two years ago: a moody work in the genre of “nonthreatening bad boy.” This year, things got freakier. In a Rolling Stone profile, he told a story about biting his tongue while recording and high on mushrooms, so blood came out of his mouth as he sang. Intense, animal, and daring. In honor of Styles’s new artistic voyage, my date and I split a mushroom.

The lights shoot up, Styles emerges onto the stage, and there’s a collective intake of breath. Actually, the person next to me gasp-shouts “HIS CHEST!” the millisecond before the screams avalanche.

Styles frisks around the stage singing about sex and candy, “Watermelon Sugar,” and a mandate of radical softness and euphoria. He moves like a tickle: intended to make you feel giddy and impulsive. And it’s felt. Being inside the stadium is like being inside the radiating pink heat of a crush feeling. There’s no hesitancy. Fans have come from Brazil and North Carolina. I meet a coven of teens sneaking vodka out of a water bottle in the bathroom, and they tell me they saw him in 2013 with One Direction: “It’s full circle.” Someone at the front of the pit keeps hoisting flowers up toward Styles, little white, sad carnations. The devotion here is as uncomplicated as I have ever seen devotion. I envy that. The Forum, the entire venue, changes its Instagram bio to “Harry Styles stan account [multiple stars emoji]” in an instant.

The metabolism is also immeasurably fast. As my date put it: “Everyone knows everything in here.” His fans know every song in their bones, from an album that was released that day. They shout the words to prove it. On Instagram, I saw a clip of a fan outside saying she hadn’t listened yet [AUDIBLE GASPS], and then she explains this will be a special opportunity to hear the album for the first time live [DIFFERENT GASPS, ADMIRING GASPS]. It’s a sentimentalist’s scene.

People scream the whole time, in addition to bobbling on command and filming. Until Styles, I tacitly agreed that it was a confusing irony that fans screamed over music they wanted to hear. I realize now that he’s made music to scream over. This is a universe of their mutual creation, the soundtrack is just the mood cue.

It can be alienating: This is the music that launched a million zillion hearts? But I realize that a crush should not be judged on talent. And Styles is a perfect crush. Slinking around in the drama of big pants and a Mick Jagger femme blouse. He looks like a rascal androgyne, he acts like a romantic, he’s all chin scruff and nonthreatening sex appeal.

Because of the pants, he dances in a way that Katharine Hepburn might. There’s a feline backward skip that seems to accentuate the knee caps. And other times, in louche-adjacent but ultimately weightless seduction, it seems as if there are string held to the stop of his hip bones. I was thrilled when I read an interview with one of Styles’s favored designers, Harris Reed, who said some clothes were specifically flared so Styles could “dance and do his pelvic thrusting, which he loves to do.” The creature is a perfect crush.

There’s a photo opportunity to stand in Styles’s place: a dark-green screen that will become the Tim Walker–photographed Fine Line album cover (floating hand included). People try to imitate Styles’s stance, but it’s surprisingly tough. I think most people don’t put their hips forward enough. No one quite achieves the lightness of the hand on his waist. And the casual point is rendered as finger gun. Styles is a master craftsman of the fluid choreography.

Can you forgive me for waiting until now to tell you that Stevie Nicks descended onto the stage like an archangel? They Landslid together. (Brief history: Harry Styles paid official tribute to Nicks at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Ceremony by saying, “She’s always there for you. She knows what you need: advice, a little wisdom, a blouse, a shawl”; Nicks mistakenly referred to Styles’s former band as “’N Sync.”) Nicks — dusky voice even duskier, in high beige boots — sways in front of a mic stand with a thousand sparkling scarves on it. Styles approaches his half of the duet with clarity and practice and he does a worshipful dance at her. This whole place is a devotional practice. I remember that I’m on mushrooms and feel religious about it. When they sing, “I’ve been afraid of changing because I’ve built my life around you,” I think about Styles and the fans and their adoring fealty.

So the night’s heating up. Glitter drops from the ceiling (metaphorically “snow” as Styles is singing “Wonderful Christmas Time”). This is nice. Styles says, “The album is yours; I am yours,” so I think it’s a Christmas present. I should write a thank-you note.

The Fine Line’s tour comes with a take-home message: “Treat People With Kindness,” which is incidentally the name of a bombastic choral-influenced song on Fine Line. It’s inscribed on shirts and on handwritten signs, helpfully summarized as “TPWK,” which is incidentally the sound of someone being punched in the stomach.

With three minutes left of the night, Styles launches into “Kiwi,” a song from his first solo album that’s famous for making big floors shake. Before the song breaks, I see a pack of girls in sneakers and skirts and jumpsuits carefully clear a wide circle in the pit and then hurtle into it. Will they be able to thrash with kindness and consideration? Of course, they’ve been studying Fine Line and how to walk it. And when Styles asks them, “Will you dance with me like you’ve never danced before?” I’ve never seen such obedience.

[sgtbradfords]

A Chance at Happiness

Pairing: Deputy!Dean x Reader; Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Infertility, abandonment, language

Summary: One call could change everything.

This is part of my Occupational Heroes series! I do not have a Series Masterlist at the moment but you can read the previous and first fic here. A reminder that while some of what I have written is actual information, other is pure fiction.

Dean Winchester had just walked up to the one-story brick building, fixing to scan his county issued badge that allows him access into the Smith County Sheriff’s Department in the city of Lebanon Kansas to begin his shift when he heard it, the slight whimper of an infant. Dean looked around at the parking lot and towards the empty street, seeing nothing but rows of streetlights as far as the eye could see.

He rubbed his eyes and shook his head, thinking that maybe the stress of everything in his personal life was making him hear things. He pulled up the badge once again that hung with the keys on his duty belt, placing it onto the sensor by the door when he heard another whimper.

“Sheriff’s Office” he commanded turning around as his right hand undone the snap of the holster on his duty belt, pulling out his gun “Is there someone out here?” he asked, pressing the button for the flashlight.

The light illuminated the small concrete covered porch, showing the potted plants by the door, a medium sized cardboard box, the mailbox hanging on the brick and mortar…

‘Wait…’ Dean thought as he quickly moved the light back to the box, taking small precision steps forwards.

“Dispatch. This is 803, I need back up at the Sheriff’s office. Send me an ambulance.” He spoke urgently into the radio on his left shoulder.

“803. Back-up is en-route can you describe the situation?” The feminine voice spoke on the other side.

Dean knelt onto the concrete, holstering his gun as he lifted the flaps of the box, reaching into the box gently, pulling out an infant swaddled in a pink blanket.

“Hey, little one. What are you doing all alone out here?” he spoke softly, pulling her closer to his chest. “Looks like someone dropped you off huh?” Dean said, moving the baby around, looking for some kind of note attached to her clothes or in the box.

The infant began to stir more, opening her blue eyes as Dean was able to spot some writing on one of the box flaps, thanks to the rising sun.

“Aren’t you just a cutie?” he cooed, gently rubbing a hand over her head of brown hair, cautiously bouncing the baby.

“Winchester! Everything all right?!” someone yelled across the parking lot as they shut their patrol car door, quickly approaching the scene.

“Everything’s 10-4! Med unit on their way?” he asked turning around.

“Is that…” the person spoke.

“She was in the cardboard box next to the plants. She was whimpering in her sleep or else I would have never of seen her.” Dean said as the infant began to squirm, her arms flying out of her blanket as she stretched before relaxing into Dean’s hold.

“Box says she’s only a few days old, but it doesn’t give a name.” The other deputy said as the ambulance pulled up.

Dean smiled, swaying back and forth as she began to whimper. “Shhh… It’s ok baby, we will figure this out and get you a clean bottom and a full belly.” He promised.

Twenty minutes later and Dean was sitting on a hospital bed in the Emergency Room, bottle feeding the now clean and sleeping infant in his arms.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to feed her?” a nurse asked as they check in on them.

“When they took her for blood work and a newborn checkup, she screamed bloody murder until she was in my arms again. I don’t think I want to subject Mrs. Wallace three curtains down to that again.” He joked as he placed a burp cloth on his shoulder, before moving the infant into an upright position, gently patting her back.

“Looks like you’ve done this before.” The nurse smiled.

“Yeah, my brother.”

“Well Social Services will be by soon, I’ll leave you two be.”

Dean nodded his head in appreciation, continuing to burp the baby before he began moving around. laying her down onto the bed in between his legs. Dean sighed as he laid back onto the bed, pulling out his phone.

‘Hope your having a better morning than I am babe.’ Your message read.

Dean took a picture of the scene in front of him. ‘You could say that…’

“Alright Mr. Winchester looks like she is a perfectly healthy nine-pound eight-ounce baby,” Dr. Baker said as she pulled back the privacy curtain. “and judging by her height right now, she is going to be one tall little girl. Unfortunately, since we know nothing about the mother or father, we can only guess about certain things until the blood work comes back and even then, what we will know will be scarce.”

“When will the blood work be back?”

“I put a rush on it but they are testing for multiple things so it should be back tomorrow evening. I can tell you that she is not suffering from any withdraws and appears to have been full term.” She told him, observing the baby on the bed. “It makes your heart break doesn’t it? Wondering how someone could throw someone so innocent out like that…”

Dean took a second to speak the right words “Sometimes it takes heartbreak in order to get happiness. We don’t know what the mother’s home life is like, they could have killed her or done something so vile it would be hard to wrap our heads around but they chose to give her a better chance.”

“You sound like you’ve been through some heartache before Deputy.” The doctor observed.

“My wife and I… Let me just say the past few years haven’t been easy.”

“Maybe this could be your chance at happiness.” She said as before walking away.

Dean had just gotten up to stretch his legs when his cellphone rang.

“This is Dean.”

“You would not believe the case I was handed today.”

“Hey Sammy.” Dean smiled.

“This could be a career maker. I am talking making partner.”

“That’s great Sam. What’s the case?”

Sam spent the next few minutes telling his brother what he could about the case, “How’s things up North? You and [Y/N] good?” Sam asked as he was currently employed at an office in Oklahoma.

“Yeah, were good. [Y/N] has been running around like a mad woman trying to get everything in place before the get together this weekend and I’m babysitting.”

“Babysitting?”

“I found a baby safe havened at the department this morning. I’m waiting on Social Services to show up to tell me what I need to do and all that shit.”

“Have you thought about-“

“Yes. And I’m not doing anything without discussing it over with [Y/N] first.”

“Well if you need me to look over any paperwork or write something up, I should be there tonight.”

“Thank you Sammy.” Dean acknowledge as the curtain moved, a frazzled woman standing there. “I have to go, I believe Social Services just got here.”

“Dean Winchester?” the woman asked, glancing down at her paperwork.

“That would be me.”              

“Clara Eden, Department of Social Services.” She said, extending her hand. “Apologies for running late, when you get woken up earlier than normal and have to remove a three year old from a home, it throws the rest of your day off. Now,” she said glancing towards the sleeping infant on the bed. “Who do we have here?”

“Well, she has no official name, but they are calling her Baby Girl Main. She was safe havened sometime around three this morning at the Sheriff Office.”

“I assume you have security footage on the premises?” She asked, taking a seat on the doctor’s stool next to the bed, pulling out a pen and notebook.

“Yes, and from what I’ve been told the mother walked down from Maple Street onto East Main, holding the box before placing it under the covering of the building before walking on down East Main onto Roswell.”

“Any identification on who the mother ir or maybe?” she asked, jotting down the information into the book.

“No, she wore a hoodie and kept her head down. We believe that she was late teens, early twenties.”

“So, there’s no way to identify her… Well Kansas as you mentioned is an infant safe haven for babies up to forty-five days after birth. Do we have an approximate date of birth?”

“Five days ago according to the information that was written on the box. We’ve sent the baby’s description to all local and surrounding county hospitals and clinics, but we have reason to believe that this was either an unexpected pregnancy or an at home birth.”

“What kind of information was on the box?” she asked as the infant on the bed began to squirm and cry.

Dean walked over to the bed, picking up the baby, placing her onto his shoulder, gently bouncing her up and down. “There was the date of birth and an apology.”

Clara looked up. “An apology? That’s unusual. What did it say?”

“Ok, somewhat of an apology. It just said, ‘Take Care of Her.’” Dean sighed, now rocking the baby back and forth, a smile appearing on the infant’s face as she fell back asleep. “What will happen to her?”

“Well Mr. Winchester, I will have to speak to the doctor or pediatrician before making any permanent moves but it seems as though she will be placed into emergency foster care.”

“Foster care? Is there not another option?”

“I’m afraid not Mr. Winchester, not knowing any of her immediate family, the only other option this short notice is emergency foster care.”

Dean sighed again, being tossed around from foster house to foster house was definitely not what he wanted for the child.

“Who would the foster family be?”

“I’m afraid I can not tell you that because I do not know myself, it would be whoever is next on the list.” She told him, standing up.

“What… What about another option?”

“Dean… I’m sorry but I just-“

“No. Me and my wife. We… we’re looking at fostering, we’ve taken the classes, had background checks and house inspections, we passed it all with flying colors. You can check. I promise.”

“Mr. Winchester-“

“Please… just… just give us a chance.”

The social worker studied him for a moment before letting out a sigh. “I will see what I can do. Since it seems as though she has already formed an attachment and you were the one that found her, your odds might be greater BUT I am making no promises.”

“Thank you, whatever we need to do, we will do it.”

“I will have to take it to my superiors, you should know something by this afternoon.” Clara told him, as she packed her belongings. “Here is a business card with the number I will be calling you from.”

Dean grabbed it, looking at the number before sticking it in my pocket. “What are we supposed to do in the meantime?”

“The doctor will probably release her within the next few hours. I suggest you get prepared and talk to your wife.” She smirked before walking past the curtain.

‘Oh shit.’ He thought.

*Readers POV*

You had just walked in the door from work when your phone in the bottom of your bag began to ring. You quickly dug through, not paying attention to the number of the caller.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe.”

“Hey! I was just fixing to call and see what you wanted for dinner tonight, I have that pot roast in the crockpot but I’m honestly not even in the mood to fix anything else.”

“About that… I need you to come down to the hospital.” He spoke softly.

You heart dropped, thinking the worst as the wife of a police officer. “What? Why? Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I am. Will you just come, please?”

“I will be there in fifteen.”

“[Y/N] don’t panic ok, it’s nothing bad, I promise.”

“Ok. Love you.”

“Love you too.” He said as you ended the call.

You drove to the hospital, going only ten over the speed limit to get there, pulling into the parking lot ten minutes later. You parked, going through the sliding doors just outside of the emergency room. “Hi, I am looking for my husband, Dean Winchester?”

A woman behind the desk smiled. “He’s behind the first curtain on the left as you walk through the door.”

“Thank you.” You told her as you adjusted the purse on your shoulder, walking through the sliding doors that led you to the emergency department.

“Dean?” you asked pushing back the curtain.

“[Y/N] Hey.” He said standing, giving you a kiss on the lips.

“What’s going on? Are you ok? You’re not injured are you?”

“Babe calm down, I am fine. I am here for a whole different reason. Did you get my message from earlier?”

“I wasn’t able to check it, it was so busy after I sent you the first message that-“ you were saying as you were interrupted by a crying infant.

Dean turned, walking over to the bed sitting down.

“Dean?”

“Yes?”

“There’s a baby on the bed.”

“Yes.”

“Where did… where did she come from?”

“Well you see [Y/N] when a mommy and daddy really- Ow! What was the hell was that for?!” he said rubbing his shoulder.

“Not what I asked dumbass.”

“Better wash your mouth out honey, there is a child around.” He laughed.

“Dean? Back to the story.”

“I found her this morning. She has no one.”

You sat down on the other side of the bed, looking at the infant in front of you.

“What’s her name?”

“She doesn’t have one.”

“Well someone needs to give her one… Where does she go from here?”

“Well… about that… I kind of said we could take her.”

You stared at him. “Freeze. Rewind. You done what now?”

“I told the social worker how we’ve been through the classes and everything that’s needed to become foster parents and volunteered us.” He sheepishly spoke.

“Yeah, ok.” You said understandingly.

“Wait. You’re not mad?” Dean asked in surprise.

“Dean honey…” you told him cusping his cheek. “I could never be mad about this. You know how long we’ve tried and failed to have one of our own and here opportunity is, knocking at our door. Who are we to ever turn down a challenge?”

“I Love you so much.”

“I know.” You laughed.

“We’re doing this?”

You nodded your head, “We’ve got so much to do. We’ve got to buy a crib and clothes and bottles and bids and a rocker and-“

“Breath honey. Let’s take it one step at a time.” Dean said, reaching for the infant on the bed, cradling her. “Step number one. Get the hell out of here.”

“Are we allowed to leave or are you just wanting to go because you hate hospitals?”

“All she has to do is pass the car seat test and we are out the door.” He smiled.

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t happen to have a car seat in your back pocket, do you?”

“Son of a Bitch.” He grumbled. “Step number one, you need to go shopping.”

*That weekend*

“[Y/N]!” Dean yelled from the second floor of your home.

“Dean Winchester if you wake her up, I swear to God!”

“I need some help!” he yelled again.

You rushed up the stairs, walking down the hallway to the second door on the right. “What’s the prob- Oh my god what is that smell?!”

“Call the fire department, I need fresh air.” He said gagging, used wipes and a crying, naked baby laying on the changing table. “Oh my god what have you eaten! I will pay you money to stay still!”

“This. This is all on you Dean.” You said looking at your husband, slowly backing out the door.

“[Y/N]! Get back here!” he yelled as you hurriedly walked back down the hall, the doorbell ringing.

You began greeting your guests, your family, Dean’s family, some family friends of both, getting concerned when Dean had yet to show up. “Hey Sam, I’m going to go check on Dean and the situation from earlier.”

You took the stairs again, two at a time. “Babe? You ok?” you asked, checking the makeshift nursery finding nothing, heading to your master bedroom. “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

You pushed open the door, finding Dean in a different outfit, towel drying his wet hair, the baby laying on your bed in a new onesie, sucking on her pacifier, taking in her surroundings.

“Sorry we both had to take a shower, it was all over her, all over me. I’m pretty sure I used a whole package of wipes.”

“Well, you both smell better.” You joked reaching down onto the bed, picking up the infant. “And you missy, you are definitely giving us a run for our money.”

“Ready to do this?” asked Dean.

“Ready if you are.” You smiled, brushing a finger over her cheek.

Dean walked down the stairs in front of you, him reaching the bottom before you began your descent.

“Nice of you to finally show- Oh my God! No!” you heard Dean’s mother Mary say from the living room causing everyone to turn.

“Guys, we’d like you to meet someone. Say hello to Daniella Faith Winchester, Dani for short.” You smiled, even though her legal name at the moment is Baby Girl Main because of where she was found, you and Dean had both decided to give her an actual identity.

“You were pregnant!?”

“She’s so cute!”

“Why did no one tell me you were expecting?”

Dean cleared his throat. “She’s not ours, well biologically speaking. Not to get too personal but we are unable to have a child of our own. We- I found her earlier this week while on the job and most of you know we had just completed becoming certified foster parents, I guess you could call her our chance at happiness.”

“Are you going to adopt her?”

“Maybe someday, right now we are just taking it one step at a time.”

[siarven]

Dreams and Shadows - Beta Phase?!

I finally finished the (more or less) second draft of Dreams and Shadows!  

[WIP PAGE] [PINTEREST BOARD]

≽(^ ᗜ ^)≼  Still can’t believe it. Honestly I feel a little dead inside :’D This is the first version of it that I actually kinda like! Sure, there are many problems but... it’s getting there!!! ●.◉

THIS MEANS SEVERAL THINGS

One, I can finally work on Like Dragons of Old again! YAYYYY!!!!

Two, I’m searching for beta readers. Now, there are a few things to add at this point: About half a year ago, I finished the first half of Dreams. Some of you already read that and gave me great feedback. Since then I haven’t touched the first half, even though some things have changed slightly between the first and second half. Therefore, there might be some (additional?!) inconsistencies there :’D 

This is only a second draft, for the most part. I’ve reworked some parts of it more often than others, but some only once or twice (after rewriting scenes, for example). Therefore, I need to find out where pacing does (not) work, which plot points (and twists) and characters work, or not... If I need to include more worldbuilding or less, if there are info dumps anywhere, if the character voices work. Stuff like that. There’s a list of beta-questions after the main text. 

I’ve never actually *really* done this because this is the first story that ever got to this point. I have to say, I’m hella proud of having gotten here at all, and without you and some personal friends I probably would’ve never done it. I’ve been working on Dreams and Shadows on and off since November 2014, when I wrote Draft Zero during NaNoWriMo. I never really worked on it outside of NaNo season, until approximately March of 2018, when I suddenly started making writer friends! :’))) Honestly, I love you and your projects so much and you’re all so talented and it’s such a pleasure to see your projects grow, and to be motivated to finally get stuff done... 

As to any deadlines: I myself am currently head-deep in my bachelor’s thesis, and several of my friends are, too. Since they can only start reading in March and I won’t get anywhere before that (and have Like Dragons of Old if I get bored and want to write) you’d have until the beginning of August? The more feedback I get, the better; so the more time, the more feedback? Right? :’D 

Dreams and Shadows is 120K long, so about 300 pdf pages. (I’m still surprised that I managed to keep it there. There was a point where I thought it would end up being two books). 

A general warning: I love being very mean to my characters.

If you’re (still) interested in finding out more about my stupid brain-child of a novel, you can check out the info below the cut! (Also, taggs are below the cut, too)

Name: Dreams and Shadows [WIP PAGE] [PINTEREST BOARD] 

Genre/Setting: Fantasy with some steampunk elements set (for the most part) in another world called Aelaris. Technology is a combination of magic and steam-powered machinery.  Type: Standalone, with the possibility of a sequel set 10 years later.  Language: English POV: First person present. Two “main” POVs, two “less main” POVs (less often).   I usually write 3rd person past tense, it just didn’t work for this one... :’D

Synopsis

Two siblings and their guardian-cat get dragged into an ancient conflict when the older has a life-threatening “accident”. 

AVA’s whole life up until that point has been revolving around Ben so the fact that he's now so badly hurt that he's (more or less) in a coma comes as quite a shock. Incapable of coping with the situation, she sees everything falling apart around her since since Ben was always the one holding the more and more estranged members of his family together. BEN, meanwhile, “wakes up” as a sort of ghost days later and remembers nothing at all. Now he has to find a way to return before the living give up on him, and Ava has to help her parents reconnect and learn that pushing everyone away when they only want to help is probably not the best plan.  And maybe there’s a way for her to help Ben, even if she isn’t quite sure if he’s still there at all. At least there's still the family cat, Amber, who is a lot more than she seems. 

Ava is almost eight, Ben is eleven-and-a-half, in case that matters^^

Worldbuilding: 

It's been roughly 500 years since an apocalypse that basically killed off most of the human population. Society before that was really advanced and had almost wrecked the planet, until a powerful entity disagreed and unleashed chaos. So nowadays society remembers only a few things from before, mostly by word of mouth, or from the sealed-off ruins they excavated once they had recovered enough. That’s why technology is mostly a mix of steam-powered technology and magic.

There are also a bunch of tiny dragons, some ancient entities, a former pirate queen, several monsters, pigeons, and a demon who may have something to do with the accident. And a lot of mean magic. 

That’s the main aesthetic. I have one for Ava and Ben respectively on my wip page :)

If you’re interested or want to learn more about it, you could send me a private message on here or contact me via email xsiarven@gmail.com :) Anyways, thank you so much for your interest! <3

Taglist / some peeps who once professed interest in my stuff and might be maybe interested?? 

@romenna @asttralhell @prismalicht @authordai @madmoonink @lynnafred @fynniana​ @writin-maaagic​ @raiswanson​ @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword​ @warmbones @importance-of-being-crazy @thereisnothingwrongwithbeingmad @merigreenleaf  @sincerestaffect @zekethegm @hypnocutiegypsy @writin-maaagic @random-stuff-thrown-into-a-pot @kittensartsbooks @stephrawlingwrites @annelaurant-writing @lady-redshield-writes @wolfdancer333 @bmariewinter

hope it’s ok to tag you aaAAAHHHHH

[juniper-and-lamplight]

Podfic Favorites

7/8/2018

I promised a rebloggable podfic rec list, and here it is! I've recced most of these before, so this is more of round-up than a brand-new rec list; it's multifandom, as usual; it's organized alphabetically by podficcer's name; and it's restricted to no more than 5 pods per podficcer. All of these and more can be found in the podfic tag of my bookmarks. Recs under the cut!

A Symphony of Chemical Reactions - what_alchemy, read by @cellardoortumbles | Cellar_Door - 2k, 22min, T, John/Sherlock "Cooking’s just chemistry and time management." Vivid, quirky Sherlock POV in the text +  excellent use of music and sound in the pod = an extra-charming podfic. Use headphones to get the full audio experience!

More Things Than Are Dreamt Of series - 1electricpirate, read by @consultingsmartarse |  consulting_smartass - 38k, 1hr, M to E, John/Sherlock (Harry Potter fusion AU) “In which John is (reluctantly) a wizard, Mycroft is (apparently) omniscient, and Sherlock is (surprisingly) oblivious.” Hands-down my favorite Potterlock fic, and consulting_smartass' podfics are nuanced and immersive -- I've listened to them countless times now.

Sussex - SilentAuror, read by consulting_smartass - 26k, 3hrs, E, John/Sherlock “John can’t seem to stop touching Sherlock. He can push the anger away, but sometimes he just needs to take Sherlock’s pulse again. Slight angst, case-fic, post-Reichenbach.” Ah, nothing like realistic emotional constipation on the parts of our heroes. This was one of the first podfics I loved enough to download so that I'd always have access to it.

The Stars Move Still - BeautifulFiction, read by consulting_smartass and aranel_parmadil - 96k, 9hrs 48min, E, John/Sherlock, AU "What could I want so desperately that would make me sell my soul? What could possibly compel me to surrender the part of myself that makes me who I am: the source of my magic, my self-control, everything?" I avoided this fic for YEARS because I hate Faust, so I was extremely pleased to discover that the inspiration is VERY loose and thus, the fic, and the pod version, is lovely and incredibly immersive.

Carry On - Mazarin221b, read by consulting_smartass - 4k, 35min, M, John/Sherlock "Five times John didn't want to be carried, and one time he did." One of my favorite 5+1 fics, and a perfectly paced short pod.

Left - lifeonmars, read by consulting_smartass - 45k, 5hrs, E, John/Sherlock, magical realism AU "John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible." Honestly, consulting_smartass' talent has broadened my fanfic horizons, because while I'm generally not keen on reading AUs (especially long ones), I'm amenable to listening to them -- and so I don't miss out on fantastic fics & performances like this one.

The Girlfriend Experience, rageprufrock, read by dodificus - 9k, 2hrs, E, Dean/Castiel “While it’s not like Dean hasn’t had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.” Sometimes, when a podficcer's accent is different than the accents in the source material, it just works in ways you wouldn't have expected-- this pod is one of those times.

The Company - Rulerofthefakeempire, read by @dr-fumbles-mcstupid | Dr_Fumbles_McStupid and RsCreighton - 2k, 11min, T, Dirk/Todd "He’s imagined this moment so often that it feels like he just doing it again, waking up with a hangover next to Dirk Gently. And Dirk’s naked." A quietly funny fic, and a quietly funny performance.

Interrogation - goingtoalaska, read by Dr_Fumbles_McStupid - 2k, 13 min, G, Dirk/Todd "Of course Dirk has some extremely important questions that can only be asked in the middle of the goddamn night, obviously." Almost entirely dialogue, and really captures the ridiculous-with-an-undercurrent-of-softness vibe of these two characters.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know - leah k (blinkiesays), read by exmanhater - 20k, 2hrs, E, Dean/Castiel "Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest." This podfic is a road-trip standby for me and my Destiel-shipping wife.

A Statue Strong Enough for Two - lady_ragnell, read by exmanhater - 39k, 3hrs 30min, E, Elena/Mithian, superhero AU "Elena is a street-level superhero. A visit from an old enemy forces her to step up and see what she might have to do with the Sidhe who invaded and were sent away twenty years ago. Luckily, she has fellow superheroes to back her up, and a new girlfriend in her regular life to make things feel more normal." In addition to encouraging me to try out AUs, podfic also encourages me to try out rarepairs--I wouldn't have thought to look for fic about these characters, but I'm so glad I stumbled across & listened to this one.

Lab Book - copperbadge, read by FayJay - 5k, 40min, E, John/Sherlock “'The likelihood of finding a cab on Christmas Eve is fast approaching nil.’ 'So was the likelihood of you kissing me in the middle of the pavement, and yet.’” An annual holiday read/listen!

Whatever Remains, However Improbable - ivyblossom and Loudest_Subtext_in_Television, read by @fffinnagain​ | finnagain - 13k, 90min, T, John/Sherlock “The evidence is all there: we know it’s bound to happen. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are going end up together, aren’t they? Obviously!” An experiment in fourth-person omnitemporal tense. Subtle sound effects add dimension to this podfic.

Diversionary Tactics - shinysherlock, read by finnagain - 2k, 16min, E, Molly/Irene, historical AU "Oh. This could be interesting. Irene’s fingers moved to the third button of the dress and paused. 'Shall I just . . . check the rest of you, then? Make sure you’re quite all right?'" A brief, hot, historical PWP, Mollrene style. UNF. Finnagain's performance is very...impassioned--maybe don't listen in public ;)

Seeing Draco Malfoy - khalulu, read by fire_juggler - 12k, 2hrs, E, Harry/Draco A beautifully done podfic, delivered with warmth and humor. Once I listened to it twice in one week and wound up with the phrase “Nubbumping Humdinger” stuck in my head, and it made me bust out smiling at random times :-)

Let Nothing You Dismay - montparnasse, read by Hananobira - 19k, 2hrs, M, Sirius/Remus "There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest." There’s a full-on, sensory vividness to the imagery and descriptions in montparnasse's writing, and LISTENING to those words makes the experience even more immersive.

Splendid Night - Katie Forsythe, read by heuristicdevice - 14k, 1hr 30min, M, Holmes/Watson "A Christmasy spin on MILV with a heart-warming dose of H/W." So much miscommunication! I love this fic so hard, and I ESPECIALLY love the podfic. Heuristic Device’s rendering of “now, please,” in a Certain Scene is both quiet and full of feeling, while other sections of the story are infused with audible humor, excitement, and heartbreak, each as they’re called for.

Stately Homes of Wiltshire - waspabi, read by @lazulus​ - 57k, 6hrs, E, Harry/Draco "Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case." Fair warning that listening to this podfic whilst walking my dog led to funny looks from strangers, because it caused me to laugh at loud for no apparent reason.

A Brand of Gold - aquabelacqua, read by @lockedinjohnlock-podfics​ | Lockedinjohnlock – 12k, 2hrs, M, John/Sherlock “What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once: Flirting.” This fic is just plain beautiful, and the pod is one of my favorite performances by Lockedinjohnlock.

Points - lifeonmars, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 54k, 7 hrs, E, John/Sherlock "What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other." Picture it: yours truly, driving alone and terrified through darkness, rain, and heavy traffic…and yet unwilling to turn off this podfic. THAT’S how deep lifeonmars and Lockedinjohnlock took me into this story.

Midnight Plowboy - weeesi, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 5k, 44min, E, John/Sherlock “'Does it feel like I’m sure?' John whispers into Sherlock's ear. Sherlock swallows again." In which John discovers Sherlock's collection of vintage gay erotica. *imagine several fire emojis here*

Half a Dozen Dances - CeruleanDarkangelis, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 19k, 2.4 hrs, E, John/Sherlock "'Seriously? You? You're going to be a stripper?' John tried to keep the amused incredulity off his face. Judging by the disgruntled look Sherlock gave him, he was not entirely successful in this endeavor.'" Typically, stripper fics are just Not My Thing, but the use of music in this podfic sold me.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea - DiscordantWords, read by Lockedinjohnlock - 40k, 5hrs, M, John/Sherlock "Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown." The way the author & podficcer capture Sherlock's voice in this fic feels SO TRUE: his shattered hubris, his desperate resistance to vulnerability, and the believable way he and John finally get through it all.

Senza Catene - Mad_Lori, read by @oncomingtragedy​ - 6k, 1hr, T, John/Sherlock "Sherlock has a secret hobby. One night John follows him to find out what his flat mate is up to and gets the surprise of his life." The one where Sherlock sings opera--cracky but oh-so-enjoyable. The podfic performance includes several musical interludes.

All Life is Yours to Miss - Saras_Girl, read by originally reads - 114k, 11 hrs 20 min, M, Harry/Draco "Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go." Another one I might have missed (due to personal impatience) if not for the miracle of podfic!  The pod is well-performed, and the slower listening process makes the resolution feel even more satisfying.

The Price We Pay for Wings - Frayach, read by @raitala​ - 13k, 80min, M, Harry/Draco "Scorpius Draconis Eltanin Malfoy read the first book in the Alford Ocamy series over Christmas hols when he was eleven. Well, he didn’t so much “read” it as he devoured it." I've recced this a million times before, and I'll keep reccing it because I CRIED ACTUAL LITERAL TEARS LISTENING TO THIS. 10/10 would be devastated by again.

i don't wanna give you up (i don't wanna let you love somebody else but me) - notcaycepollard, read by @revolutionaryjo​ - 3k, 20min, E, Erin/Jillian "Erin Gilbert is not the second or even the fifth straight girl Jillian’s ever fallen for, and it’s kind of getting to be a problem, except when she sees Dr Erin Gilbert, she thinks, maybe, this woman might be a statistical outlier." Closely observed, funny, hot, and the narrative voice is p e r f e c t (both in the text and in the podfic performance).

The Temporal Tornado - novembersmith, read by RevolutionaryJo and Lunate8 - 3k, 37min, G, Carlos/Cecil "A temporal tornado reduced our most beloved scientist, Carlos, into a darling little toddler version of his already darling self, didn’t it? Yes it did, oh yes it did! Plus, a jellyfish migration is underway, a mysterious series of unexplained crevasses are appearing in the streets of Night Vale, and valuable advice is provided on the care and feeding of children." Audio is the only logical format for a Night Vale fic like this one :)

Common Woodbrown - imochan, read by RevolutionaryJo - 36k, 3hrs 40 min, M, Remus/Sirius "'Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.' In 1985, Remus Lupin realizes that Sirius Black is innocent. Now, he just has to prove it." Both author and podficcer create a sensitive rendering of the angst, fragility, and determination of Remus Lupin.

Sentiment to Paper - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer - 7k, 57min, E, Holmes/Watson "No fewer than three times by the winter of 1883 had I heard Sherlock Holmes disparage the ways of lovers and their irrational tendencies toward writing letters. With this often and loudly-expressed opinion in mind, I was very surprised indeed to find a stack of unsent, unsealed letters in a drawer in his desk." RickyPulsifer’s podfic is a quiet wonder of smooth pacing, emotive delivery, and thoughtful production.

Splendid Creature - mistyzeo, read by RickyPulsifer and the_dragongirl - 2k, 20min, E, Holmes/Watson "Holmes has tired himself out on a case and wants to go straight to sleep. After an orgasm or two. Watson is more than happy to help." A sleepy, steamy PWP featuring a transmasculine Holmes, read by two podficcers whose voices work together beautifully.

Cold Snap - MirithGriffin, read by verityburns - 5k, 34min, E, John/Sherlock “The Mayo Clinic prescription for hypothermia is this: Tea. Blanket fort. Sex. All right, it doesn’t come right out and say that on the website. But Sherlock can read between the lines.” Verity Burns' delivery nails both the snark and the sweetness of this fic.

First Night Out - verityburns, read by the author - 3k, 22min, M, John/Sherlock “As John recovers from the effects of a brutal kidnapping, he and Sherlock attend the Yarders’ Christmas Party. There are… developments on the dance floor…” I loved this fic for YEARS before I listened to the podfic and realized that the audio version–read by the author herself–makes it exponentially more charming and more intimate.

Further fic recs | Fic bookmarks

[readingwithrebecca]

The Question: What Really Goes into Professional Gaming?

I have never been a sports person. I think that football and baseball are probably the most boring things to watch. When I was a child, there was a divide amongst the neighborhood kids, the ones who liked sports, and the ones who liked video games. Now don’t get me wrong, we didn’t hate each other or anything, we just didn’t really mix. As you can see from my question, I chose to join the kids who liked gaming. Countless hours were spent in my friend’s basement where we binged games like Halo 3, Call of Duty, Star Wars Battlefront, and so much more. To this day one of my favorite things to do is to play videogames. It can still bring me the same joy I felt as a child. 

Now that I am older I have been exposed to another side of gaming, watching gameplay where people make money off gaming on YouTube, Twitch, and Esports competitions. I always figured that those lucky enough to make money off playing video games must be so happy and have so much fun. They can also make a ton of money too which is obviously awesome. One of my favorite gamers to watch is PewDiePie, aka Felix Kjellberg. He started his channel a little over ten years ago and I’ve probably been watching him for about eight or so. Last year he had announced that he was going to take a break from YouTube. He had explained in the video that he was tired of all the drama and that playing games just felt like an obligation, it wasn’t fun anymore. 

When I received an assignment to write an I-Search research blog post, I had a couple of ideas about what I wanted to look up. But with PewDiePie coming back this year and talking about how great his break from YouTube was, it really inspired me to look more into what actually goes into professional gaming. And boy was I surprised about what I had found. Since we only see the edited versions or small pieces of a professional gamer’s life, we don’t really think about the behind the scenes, when the camera is off. It's stressful and even harmful to their bodies. For people involved in Esports the negative effects almost outway the positive. Before doing research I would have never even known. 

Starting my research I did what most people do, turn to Google. I googled “hard to be a gamer,” “training for Esports,” and “inside professional gaming.” I started with all the keywords. I skimmed a couple of articles but none of them really gave me what I was looking for. For academic research, I usually turn to articles and books. For my own research, I turn to YouTube and documentaries. So when I couldn’t really find what I was looking for on Google, I went on YouTube and typed in “inside professional gaming,” and I found a video titled “Esports: Inside the relentless training of professional gaming stars,” uploaded by CBS News. I clicked on it and read the description and it looked like it contained the information I was looking for. While watching the documentary it didn’t even feel like an assignment since I was super interested in what they were talking about. This was the first time I was actually able to see the negative side of professional gaming, which is exactly what I wanted to learn more about.  

While I had initially wanted to research professional gamers who post videos on YouTube or stream on Twitch, finding this documentary made me shift course more into Esports, which is something I knew of but have never really looked into it too much. What is Esports? It is a form of video game competition. Much like any type of sporting event, It is held in an arena where people go and watch different teams compete. I know, it sounds crazy, but fans of the games go and cheer on players and watch them play on a computer on a stage. 

If you want to see something really cool, check this out. This link takes you to a table with different tournaments and how much the prize money of winning actually is. You’ve probably heard of Fortnite, pretty much everyone plays it now. In 2019 the solo championship winner received $15,287,500. Now I don’t know about you, but that’s more money than I will ever see in my lifetime. While all that money is great and all, I wanted to see the other side of it, the training and the negatives. 

In my research, I found that professional gamers that are recruited by Esports teams endure some pretty crazy conditions. According to the players for a League of Legends team called Valorant, they are expected to play LoL for eight-plus hours a day. They are also expected to have little to no social life outside of the team, meaning no romantic relationships or hanging out with other friends. When asked how long it’s been since you had a break from the game one player answered “a couple of months ago? I’m not really sure but it’s been a bit.” They get no breaks and are expected to pour all of themselves into playing and training to get better. From these harsh “workdays” come consequences such as burnout, wrist injuries, back injuries, and tons of mental health issues. Some professional teams such as Valorant have team psychologists and doctors that specialize in the types of injuries and conditions that come from pro-gaming lifestyles. 

Something I found particularly interesting is the number of years a player actually competes. U.S. News states that in the United States, people work approximately 31 years before retiring. Professional gamers have a career length of around 3-5 years according to CBS News. For someone like me who likes to always be busy, this must suck. While its nice to potentially accumulate so much money in a couple of years, it sucks that you can’t play for longer. The reasons for short gaming careers come from the physical and mental harm that comes from intense training.

Another thing I found interesting is that there are high schools that are starting Esports clubs and colleges that have prominent computer science and video game design are giving skilled players scholarships to attend their programs. For some students gaming can be much more, it can be a way into college and possibly a path to a well-paid career if recruited by an Esports team. 

The research I found from this assignment made me realize that it’s not really all that great to be a professional gamer. While It’s great to have money and fame, there are many downsides to pro-gaming including mental and physical injuries and stress. I also feel that if more people looked into Esports, especially parents, they would realize that there are many benefits to playing videogames. This assignment allowed me to research a topic I found interesting and made me want to write about it so other people would learn what I have learned. I hope that this was as interesting for you as it was for me! 

WORK CITED 

Brandon, Emily. “The Ideal Retirement Age, and Why You Won't Retire by Then.” U.S. News & World Report, U.S. News & World Report, 15 Apr. 2019, money.usnews.com/money/retirement/aging/articles/the-ideal-retirement-age-and-why-you-wont-retire-by-then.

Chokshi, Niraj. “PewDiePie Put in Spotlight After New Zealand Shooting.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 15 Mar. 2019, www.nytimes.com/2019/03/15/technology/pewdiepie-new-zealand-shooting.html.

“Esports: Inside the Relentless Training of Professional Gaming Stars.” YouTube, CBS News, 23 Dec. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=box4SFtGvA0.

Gardner, Josh. “The Secret Life of Professional Gamers: What It Takes to Make It in Esports.” Inside Edition, Inside Edition, 21 July 2018, www.insideedition.com/secret-life-professional-gamers-what-it-takes-make-it-esports-44558.

“Largest Overall Prize Pools in Esports.” Largest Overall Prize Pools in Esports - Esports Tournament Rankings :: Esports Earnings, www.esportsearnings.com/tournaments.

“PewDiePie Announces Break From YouTube | E! News.” YouTube, E! News, 16 Dec. 2019, www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN16ahUhg5c.

Picheta, Rob. “PewDiePie Will Take a Break from YouTube, Saying He's 'Very Tired'.” CNN, Cable News Network, 16 Dec. 2019, www.cnn.com/2019/12/16/tech/pewdiepie-taking-break-youtube-scli-intl/index.html.

[xoheatherkw]

Just For Show - Camsten Fic

Hi Alyssa @stitchedatbirth Here’s your stitchmas fic! I really loved your idea that Kirsten wouldn’t keep the fake amnesia a secret from Cameron, and I ran with it. Set immediately after 3x10. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

Thank you Sheila & Alyssa @stitchmasinjuly for organizing this for the Stitchers family. And a quick thanks to my trust beta and cheerleader @your-stitcher-thursday 

~Later that night~

Kirsten took a deep breath before knocking swiftly on Cameron’s door.

She went through one last mental check while waiting. Overnight bag, check. Phone with notes typed up, check. Cameron’s keys (in case he didn’t answer), check. Nerves, also check.

She was about to unlock the door when Cameron opened it.

“What are you doing here?,” he deadpanned.

She pushed her way through, just like she had so many times before.

“I wanted to see if you were okay. You seemed pretty upset earlier today,” she responded. Kirsten set down her bag and kicked off her shoes, right around the corner from his entryway.

Cameron watched her make herself at home in his apartment. It’s almost as if… no, it couldn’t be.

“I’m fine,” he responded curtly.

Kirsten walked up to Cameron, still standing in his open doorway, and showed him her phone.

ACT NORMAL

I need to sweep for bugs.

Cameron nodded slowly, unsure as to what was actually going on. “How did you know where I live, anyways?,” he inquired.

Kirsten pulled up her encrypted app and started sweeping his apartment. “Camille told me. She said we were friends.”

Nothing came up on her sweep of the entryway to kitchen, so she continued on towards his living room.

“Yeah, we were something like that.” Cameron closed his front door and followed Kirsten to the living room.

“Apparently Camille is moving in with her girlfriend. She seemed nice when they were over earlier.”

Kirsten noticed the flash across her screen, notifying her that a listening device was within five feet. She held up her index finger to motion for Cameron to be quiet.

She looked under the lamp and around his end table, coming up empty. She checked along the underside of the couch, also nothing. Next she checked the TV stand. “So are you a Star Wars fan, based on your choice of movie?,”she asked, pointing at the collector’s edition boxed set that was next to his blu ray player.

He was just in the middle of watching Star Wars Episode VI before Kirsten had showed up unannounced. “Absolutely! Episodes IV through VI were clearly the best, although I was pleasantly impressed by Episode VII. And Episode VIII will be out later this year.”

“Yeah, Camille told me they’re making the next three. I’ll have to check out VII. Is this the one with the ewoks?,” she asked, motioning to his TV.

“Ahh yes, the teddy bears of the Star Wars Universe. Yeah, they’re in this movie.”

“Teddy bears? Ewoks are freaking awesome,” she exclaimed. “They’re like badass ninja teddy bears, clearly superior to ‘just teddy bears.’ They’re definitely my favorite part of that movie.”

Cameron chuckled, because of course she would love ewoks. Although they had an eerily similar conversation when the two of them did a Star Wars marathon on a holiday weekend, just a few months ago.

Coming up short on the TV stand, she inspected his coffee table and discovered a small electronic device, tucked on the inside of one of the coffee table’s legs. It couldn’t have been larger than the size of a dime.

You wouldn’t have noticed it unless you were specifically looking.

Cameron’s eyes widened at the discovery. Just when he was about to ask, Kirsten pulled up her phone and scrolled down to her next message for him to read. She thought this through, coming up with a response just in case she found a bug.

Remember, act normal!

Destroy it some other time.

I need to sweep the rest of your apartment. Pack a bag so we can go somewhere to talk freely.

Kirsten carefully put the bug back under his coffee table and continued her scan of the apartment.

“Since Maggie gave everyone some time off, can you explain exactly what it is that we do in the lab?” She attempted to keep the conversation away from what she was actually doing, and away from what she actually wanted to tell him.

Cameron led the way into his bedroom and grabbed a small overnight bag from his closet. “Didn’t Maggie brief you on that today?”

“Well she did, but I don’t think my brain was focused enough to really process what she said.”

Cameron nodded, and started pulling clothes out of his drawer and into his bag. “Fair enough. Basically  we solve crimes by inserting your consciousness into the brains of victims that the NSA acquires from the LA county coroner’s office.”

“You put my consciousness into people’s dead, degrading brains?” Kirsten feigned a look of disgust, which illicited a chuckle from Cameron.

“Sounds icky when you put it like that, doesn’t it?”

“Just a bit. So how does that work, exactly?” She finished the sweep of his apartment, only detecting the one bug in the living room.

“The brain is a bio-electrical device and we have protocols to slow down deterioration of the victim’s brain. That allows us approximately forty-eight hours to stitch in and get information. When you stitch in your body projects an image of yourself, as if you were actually there.”

“In that suit? The one that my mother woke up in,” she clarified.

“The one and only.”

“What exactly does the suit do? Other than make me look like a badass catwoman.”

“Badass catwoman indeed, or as we like to call it in the lab, the Rev 2. It’s the badass version of the prior one. But it does serve a functional purpose. The material is a mesh polyester fiber coated in: zinc and blackened nickel over copper. It helps with conductivity between your suit and our sensors.”

“So I stitch in, dressed like catwoman. Wait, do I have to wear the ears and stilettos too?”

He let out a good laugh. “Not necessary, no. But if cat ears and stilettos are your thing, I’d save it for Halloween.”

“Fair enough. So I what… access and interpret the memories I see? I would say that’s impossible, but I guess that’s because I’ve-never-studied-neuroscience-unlike-Cameron.” She smirked at him, continually dropping hints as she went. “Plus Maggie told me I’ve been working with the team for two years.”

He narrowed his eyes and wondered just exactly how much Kirsten remembered. That couldn’t be coincidence.

“How long have you been with the team, Dr. Smartypants?,” she asked.

“Maggie brought me on five years ago, to run the lab and work on perfecting the technology. We ran test stitches for about a year before gathering enough data to get up and running.”

“I see. Maggie said the Stitchers program has been developing for the better part of twenty years, and that my parents both worked on developing it.” Kirsten pulled up her phone again, and scrolled down farther.

All packed and ready to go? I have a plan to get out of the city for the weekend. We need to talk.

Remember, destroy the bug later. When I’m not over, so it’s not as suspicious.

Cameron grabbed his cell phone charger and stuffed that in his bag as well. He nodded and led her out of the bedroom.

“Well I just wanted to stop by to see how you were doing. Would you mind driving me home?,” she asked.

“Sure thing,” he answered cautiously.

They went down the elevator to his parking garage in total silence.

By the time they got to his car, he couldn’t take the suspense anymore. He opened his mouth to ask a question, then promptly closed it. He pulled out his phone and typed a quick question in his notepad to Kirsten, then showing her the screen.

Is it safe to talk now?

She shook her head no. She got out her own phone again, and scrolled farther down. She really had anticipated every scenario.

Not yet. I need to disable the GPS on your phone, so you can’t be tracked. I double checked my phone, GPS tracking is off.

Give me your phone. You drive us to Union Station, we’re leaving your car there for the weekend.  

He nodded and handed over his phone. Luckily he had been to Union Station plenty of times, he knew the way without GPS.

Kirsten worked quickly, disabling both the conventional GPS tracking and the embedded, behind the scenes, tracking. Cameron pulled into the parking structure and Kirsten had her next message up to show him.

We’re each getting a ticket to San Diego, it leaves at 8:25pm. Use your credit card, to leave a paper trail.

We’ll go inside, then I mapped out a route that will skirt along the security camera’s blindspots. We’re actually going to get a rental car and drive up to the mountains. I already fabricated ID’s for us, and took out cash.

Once we get to the rental car and I sweep that for bugs, and disable their vehicle tracking system, then we can talk freely.

She raised an eyebrow in question, to make sure he understood. He nodded in acknowledgment, and they carried out her very well laid out plans.

It was easier than she thought to get around the security cameras. She couldn’t do much about cameras on the street, but she would at least make it difficult for anyone that tracked their movements after the fact.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cameron waited patiently while Kirsten disabled the vehicle’s tracking system. Or he thought he was waiting patiently. She, on the other hand, could feel him staring at the back of her head.

“Calm down, girlfriend. I’m almost done,” she said.

She finished within a few minutes, making sure to tuck the wires back into place. “Alright, we’re good. We can talk,” she said.

Cameron exhaled loudly. “Kirsten! What the heck is going on?!”

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Cameron, we have a lot to talk about, and we have a few days to really talk things over. But I thought you’d like to know, I remember everything.” She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.

Cameron, on the other hand, didn’t look convinced. “You remember? Just like that? My mother said she wasn’t sure if you would get your memory back at all, let alone this soon.”

“I didn’t exactly lose my memory. I was a little foggy after getting out of the stitch, but there was no real memory loss. We have all weekend to get into what’s going on, but I can prove it to you. You told me something very important before you closed the corpse cassette on me. I’ll tell you what you said, and you tell me what I said. Deal?”

He eyed her suspiciously, but agreed. “Deal.”

She ran her hands up to frame his face, running her thumb along his jawline. “I love you.”

Cameron let out a shaky breath. Her still present grin seemed to be contagious, because he was beaming as well. “I know,” he replied. He reached across the seat, resting both his hands on her knees.

She circled her arms around his neck to pull him closer. “Well played.”

“It’s really you?,” he asked.

“It’s really me,” she confirmed.

“Then why didn’t you say anything after your briefing with Maggie?” He pulled back to bring her hands in his.

“That’s where it gets complicated,” she started. “No one can know that I remember. Not Maggie, not Linus, no one in the lab. Promise me you won’t say anything?”

His eyes went wide. “Of course, I promise. What’s going on?”

“My father and your mother have been working together for years, right around when the Stitchers Program started with Maggie, my mother, and Ed. Stinger’s been a double agents of sorts, and I’m not entirely clear on why your mother is working with him. I guess she initially helped him out with the neuroscience and nanobot aspect of developing the technology. But my presumption is that her real goal is to get you to leave the program. Didn’t you say she’s been pushing you to accept an opening at MIT?”

“Well yeah, but I didn’t think she would resort to scheming with your father to do it!,” he exclaimed. “Wait, what are they holding against you that you need to lie to everyone?”

“My father threatened you, saying that if I didn’t cooperate with their plan, that he would kill you and make it look like an accident. Then he said if that didn’t work, he would go after Ivy too, because apparently he’s the devil incarnate and not above murdering his own daughter. I couldn’t risk you.”

He almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. But then again, Stinger murdered Blair’s son to get a message to Kirsten. “That’s just… wow. And your mother, does she know what Stinger’s been up to?”

“She assured me that she does not. Although she has a slew of follow up tests with Ayo and your mother. Nothing like evolving the human brain centuries to make you a guinea pig. She’s also doing some reconnaissance to figure out more of Stinger’s plan.”

“Reconnaissance, how?” Granted they had been apart for seventeen years due the stasis pod, but Cameron didn’t think Stinger would willingly share his deep, dark secrets, not even with his wife.

“Telepathy,” she answered.

“I have to revisit that some other time, because that’s the holy grail for a neuroscientist. Studying the changes in synapses and what areas activated to gain that skill.”

“You’ll have plenty of time to geek out when we’re back at work. But even with his threats, I knew I couldn’t keep this from you. You’ll just have to play it cool until we can fake start a relationship.”

“So we’re fake dating now?” He teasingly ran his thumb across the back of her hand, and added a wink for good measure.

“No, more like dating in secret.” She pulled him in closer, the lips just inches apart. “Do you think you can handle that?”

He could feel her breath on his lips, it was intoxicating. Especially after he had given up all hope of Kirsten remembering the last few years, remembering him. It had only been a few hours, but he wasn’t a fan.

“I think I can handle it,” he agreed. He closed the gap and pressed his lips lightly to hers. She smiled into the kiss and threaded her fingers in his hair. He deepened the kiss and his arms circled her waist.

Much too soon for his liking, Kirsten pulled back slightly. “I’ve been wanting to do that all afternoon,” she admitted. “And we’ll have plenty of time for that this weekend, but we should get going. I figured we could come up with a game plan this weekend, figure out where to go from here. Together?”

He put the car in drive, then interlaced their fingers. “Alright Stretch. Together.”

[oodles-of-doodles-blog]

The Saga of my Uni application process.

Hi everyone, today I thought I’d tell you a little bit about my vaguely traumatic attempts at decision making in the hope that you can maybe avoid the stress that I unnecessarily put myself through; but first I just wanted to say HAPPY AUTUMN! (because saying happy autumn is a thing, right? Well it should be anyway). I hope you’re all having a great Monday *pft, yeah, right* and are all preparing yourselves for my first YouTube video which will be online in October! ^-^ I apologise in advance because this one’s a bit of a long one, but I know how much I wanted to hear from someone in the same boat as me in the summer so I’ve written it all down here for you to find..:

 ACT ONE SCENE ONE:

So, last August- approximately six years after I realised that “Universities” were actually located on this planet and not out there somewhere in the “Universe” (*sigh* life is a constant disappointment) I decided to go on a four-day creative writing residential at a Uni not far from where I live. Whilst there I got the full student experience- staying in halls, doing the Macarena at midnight, building towers with spaghetti and marshmallows and of course some actual studying; which here means trying out zillions of different styles of writing and eating ice cream on the roof garden😛🍦. By the time I left, I knew for sure that I wanted to write no matter how “impractical” anyone thought that was as a career. The whole experience just cemented in my mind that I was going to study English/ Creative writing at Uni. Like I’d ALWAYS planned… right?...

But then: (Act One Scene two)

As the vast leafy chasm of autumn approached, all the spooky movies and themed drinks and colourful leaves completely distracted me from the last eight years of career planning, and my A-Level law teacher (along with a few legal professionals) persuaded me that a ‘law degree would enable me to be a writer OR have a legal career’. So naturally (read: Idiotically) I just completely U-turned on my original plan of doing English and sent out all my UCAS applications for Law. I heard back pretty quickly, selected my favourites and made them my firm and insurance choices. Ah, all running nice and smoothly so far then. Ha ha ha. Ha. 

(ACT TWO SCENE ONE)

This fluid process of acceptance then became a huge problem, because as well as doing an A level in Law and having Law teachers to persuade me, I was also doing my other A-Levels in English Language and Literature. Sure I liked my Law lessons but I think it was mainly because I was good at it, and that was only because I spent hours memorizing all the model answers. On the other hand, I actually enjoyed doing the work for English, and every teacher in the English department wanted to convince me to do an English degree. By the time my exams were over I simply couldn’t cope with another second of law work. I’d rather have inhaled my cue cards and eaten my folder to be quite honest. The finer details of Blackmail and Making off were slowing dissolving the edges my personality, but English never felt like a chore, it was always just kinda fun.

(ACT TWO SCENE TWO)

On my last day of Sixth form, my English teacher gave me a poetry book he’d loaned to me earlier in the year and told me that I “should keep on writing no matter what degree I was doing, but by the way what degree was I doing?”. I had this same Teacher for Language and Literature so I had got to know them quite well (Note: I went to a sixth form college so it was kinda like Uni but with A levels). When I said I was going to study Law even though I really wanted to write, he looked me straight in the eye and said “Hey, don’t sell your soul”.

(ACT THREE SCENE ONE)

Well I’d already been regretting my Law degree decision, so now I was completely torn between doing the “practical” thing and the thing I’ve wanted to do since I was about three years old (Okay, aside from being a spy or an actress or a wizard, obviously). In my tumultuous state of stress and anxiety I thought to myself- you know what I need? 

Food and a film. 

But I didn’t watch just any film- Ooooh no. I watched “Magic Beyond Words” which, for those of you who don’t know… is the movie of JK Rowling’s life.

*slow clap for me*

(ACT FOUR SCENE ONE) After a solid month of freaking out and feeling guilty (because I really loved my first choice Uni and the lecturers actaully knew me from all the events I’d been to) I made up my mind that, well, I was going to procrastinate for another week, before ACTUALLY deciding I was going to try and swap to an English course. 

Countless emails, telephone calls and referrals to other departments later, I eventually realized that the only way I was going to get onto an English degree was to ask my firm and insurance choices to put me in clearing (because I didn’t want to go to my second choice anymore and my firm choice only did law degrees). Quite frankly this revelation was terrifying ,because I hadn’t got my results yet and If I’d have failed I might not have got on ANY courses at ANY Universities. Buuuut eventually I just choked back the guilt and rang my Firm and Insurance choices up. I’d just been told by UCAS that my second choice might refuse to release me since it was almost August ( and said University was on a completely different island to the one I live on so this was also horrifying) but thankfully both Uni’s relinquished their claim to my soul and I was freeeeeee!

(THE FINAL ACT- NUMERO FIVE)

 I thought I’d prepared myself for the horrors of clearing but to be quite honest I don’t think anything could’ve done that. I knew exactly which Uni and which course I wanted but I got cut off twice when I was in the process of waiting for a phone interview *cue the irrational frightened crying, me saying that maybe they don’t want me and basically just wallowing in my own self-pity and horror for 10 minutes*, but after a pep talk from my best friend I phoned back a third time, and the guy on the other end of the phone said he couldn’t wait to meet me and would be delighted to offer me a place!

* CURTAINS *

Phew- glad re-living that is over! I really hope you can take something from my awful attempts at adult-ing. Maybe reading that was really boring for you, or maybe you can relate, but if there’s one thing you take from these precious minutes of your life that you’ll never get back again, let it be this: DON’T GET PRESSURED INTO TAKING A DEGREE THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO DO.

...Please? :) 

  ~Mills (Oodles of Doodles)

  TIPS FOR PICKING A DEGREE AND UNIVERSITY:

1)    Go on a residential somewhere- Its free, you get free food and they’re really helpful for picking a course and finding out what type of Uni will suit you.

2)    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- don’t pick a degree that doesn’t interest you. If you hated doing A Level Maths then don’t let anyone pressure you into doing a maths degree- you’ll either drop out or you’ll get so sick of doing the work you’ll stop trying.

3)    If you’ve applied to a Uni but want to swap courses you can ring up and they’ll probably let you (provided theres space).

4)    If you’ve applied to a Uni and don’t want to go there anymore ring them up and ask them to release you into clearing: It’ll be fine, don’t worry.

5)    If you’re going through clearing make sure you write your clearing number before you ring. You’ll find it on your UCAS home page on results day (or beforehand if you’ve asked to be in clearing like I did). Also write down the clearing contact number of the Uni you want to apply for, and your UCAS personal ID number (as well as your mobile number if you don’t already know it). You’ll need all that to apply and you wont get as stressed if you have it all organized. 

6)   Aaand lastly, don’t let Autumn and Christmas destroy your decision making abilities! Its a lot less hassle if you just figure out what will make you happy and go with it. 

[transcriptroopers]

Extraordinary Female Soldiers

Hello recruits! It's International Women's Day, so I thought I'd introduce you all to a few outstanding soldiers in army history.  While I once explained this in a previous post, here’s a quick reminder: the military refers to its soldiers with “male” and “female” exclusively and when necessary. We’re discouraged from using either “men” or “women” to refer to each other. While in a civilian setting this would be seen as rude, especially in the case of “female,” in this case it’s actually more disrespectful to refer to female soldiers as “women.” Not only is it othering in a military setting, but to amplify a soldier’s womanhood is to separate her from her fellow soldiers, and often not in a positive way. Consider that we prefer to say “police officer” now instead of “policeman” and “policewoman.” As I’ve heard my female comrades say more than once: “I’m not a woman; I’m a soldier.”  While I’d never assume that all females who’ve enlisted feel this way, it’s been my experience overwhelmingly that female soldiers not only prefer this, but sternly enforce it. Given this, I will most frequently be using the word “female” to refer to the soldiers we’re talking about today. I hope everyone understands that by using this terminology I’m actually conferring respect rather than the opposite. I hope everyone understands that I’ll be focusing on the U.S. Army, since that’s my lane and I’d like to stick in it.

Deborah Sampson

“I am indeed willing to acknowledge what I have done, an error and presumption. I will call it an error and presumption because I swerved from the accustomed flowery path of female delicacy, to walk upon the heroic precipice of feminine perdition!”

We’ve all heard of the tale of Hua Mulan, but have you heard of America’s own Deborah Sampson? She’s widely considered to be the first enlisted female soldier in the U.S., and she served honorably in during the American Revolution as light infantry.  The oldest of seven children, Deborah grew up both in poverty and without her father until she was eventually hired out as a servant to a very conservative family. They ignited the flame of patriotism in her, and when she left the family at 18 it took only two years before she chose to join the army.  Of course, this was 1781, (or 1782; her biography lists conflicting records) and women weren’t allowed to enlist. So Deborah sewed her own waistcoat and britches and enlisted as Robert Shirtliffe (or Shurtliffe or Shurtleff; again, it’s conflicting) in a light infantry unit in Massachusetts.  For two years and through two wounds, one of which she removed the bullet herself, Deborah Sampson served in this unit honorably. In her biography, the Female Review, or the Memoirs of an American Young Lady, her biographer details the horrors of war she faced.  “She says she underwent more with fatigue and heat of the day, than by fear of being killed; although her left-hand man was shot dead at the second fire, and her ears and eyes were continually tormented with the expiring agonies and horrid scenes of many others struggling in their blood. She recollects but three on her side who were killed, John Bebby, James Battles and Noble Stern. She escaped with two shots through her coat, and one through her cap…She now says no pen can describe her feelings experienced in the commencement of an engagement, the sole object of which is to open the sluices of human blood. The unfeigned tears of humanity has more than once started into her eyes in the rehearsal of such as scene as I have just described.”

I dunno about you, but that last sentence especially gets to me.  Deborah came down with a terrible fever in 1783 and her secret was discovered while in the hospital. She was allowed to recover before being revealed, and she was spared from punishment, instead receiving an honorable discharge and being returned home with as little inconvenience as possible.  Nonetheless, it was years before Deborah would receive a pension for her service. She spent the last years of her life publicly speaking about her service, dressing in her old waistcoat to reenact her moments of glory on the battlefield.

Sources: History of Massachusetts.org, Encyclopedia Britannica, National Women’s History Museum

Harriet Tubman

Yes, THAT Harriet Tubman. “God’s time is always near. He set the North Star in the heavens; He gave me the strength in my limbs; He meant I should be free.”  Everyone knows Harriet Tubman, one of the mightiest heroines in American History, but few people know that Harriet actually served in the army during the Civil War, and at the urging of the federal government no less.  Born a slave in 1822 and escaped to freedom in 1849, Harriet spent eleven years returning to slave states and personally shepherding dozens of slaves to freedom in the north. She was not only brave but clever, devising numerous tricks and deceptions that fooled slave catchers again and again. Devoutly religious, she believed wholly in God’s deliverance, and she even earned the nickname “Moses” for her part in guiding the exodus of slaves.  During the Civil War, Harriet Tubman continued to dazzle with her many talents. A nurse, a scout, a spy, and a foot soldier, Harriet served dutifully in South Carolina for eight years. Her patients were very often primarily black and poor white soldiers, and she treated then with medicinal herbs and roots when medicine was scarce. She was efficient and kind, and some say protected by God himself, for she never caught any of the many, many diseases she treated while enlisted.

Harriet Tubman is credited with being not only the first black female soldier, but the first female soldier period to lead a military expedition. This was not a small expedition, either; hundreds of soldiers were involved in what’s now known as the Combahee River Raid. Its purpose was to harass plantation owners while rescuing their slaves, and as the boats sailed up the Combahee River, its riders shifted: the soldiers jumped onto the shore to assault the Confederates while slaves climbed aboard to safety. Faced with too many slaves to rescue and dissension growing amidst the crowd, Harriet Tubman sang to the escaping slaves to calm and encourage them, and those slaves would recall how they rejoiced and praised her and God. Approximately 750 slaves were rescued in this mission and the Confederacy was dealt a massive blow while the Union soldiers suffered no casualties.  Despite her honorable services, Harriet Tubman was denied a pension. Brigadier General Rufus Saxton’s report of the raid included the following statement: “This is the only military command in American history wherein a woman, black or white, led the raid, and under whose inspiration it was originated and conducted.” Sources: NY Times, Liberty Letters, Harriet Tubman.com

Oveta Culp Hobby

“Women who stepped up were measured as citizens of the nation, not as women…this was a people’s war and everyone was in it.”

Colonel Oveta Culp Hobby never intended to become so involved in the army. As a young woman, her trade was publishing: newspapers, editing, editorials. She and her husband ran newspapers and radio stations, and when her husband became Governor she dabbled in politics, eventually writing “Mr. Chairman,” then and now a textbook on legislature and parliamentary law. She served on committees, planned and organized, and especially advised others on how women could contribute to society.

In 1941, in the wake of the drafts, she was persuaded by the federal government to write up a plan clearly lining out how women could participate in the war, something hitherto unpublished. She did this by studying the participation of women in Britain and France and personally investigating the jobs at which women could assist the war effort without having to undragono specialized training, which at the time was often refused even to women who desired it. Though she at first denied the limelight, as she so often had in her life, she eventually became the director of the Women’s Army Auxilary Corps. A corps entirely of females, she and her unit were shunned by sexist military officials who  refused to allow mingling between the WAAC and the regular army and even refused to issue pay. Because the women were not technically enlisted, (although Oveta later took the Oath of Office herself in 1943 to become a colonel) they reasoned that they shouldn’t have to treat the women the same because the women of the WAAC were still civilians. They partly reasoned this because so few jobs in the army were actually open to female soldiers, a point which Oveta Culp Hobby sought to remedy. By the time she was done, over 200 jobs in the U.S. army became accessible to female soldiers, over four times the “generous” proposal outlined by Congress. Her plans, policies, and training methods would later be nationally acknowledged and implemented. Even after leaving service, she continued to argue for fully equality in the army, not limited to only females but race as well. In 1945, she became the first woman to be awarded the Distinguished Service Cross, and a very distinguished legacy she leaves behind indeed.  Source: Texas State Historical Association, Rice Fondren Library

Lori Ann Piestewa

Our final extraordinary female soldier is Lori Ann Piestewa, a Hopi native from 11th ADA Brigade (my old brigade, as it happens) who enlisted in the U.S. Army in 2001 after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

"I’m not trying to be a hero. I just want to get through this crap and go home." Lori, born in 1979, was the youngest of four. She played softball and was active in her high school’s ROTC program, showing in both a strong aptitude for challenging herself. She came from a family of soldiers who raised her to have confidence in herself and her abilities, and it came as no surprise to her family when she enlisted in the army, eventually settling with the 507th Maintenance Company. Numerous accounts of her peers recount Lori as being a dependable and enthusiastic comrade for the two years she was enlisted. Lori’s MOS was 92A, Automated Logistical Specialist, a non-combat MOS. She kept records on equipment and accounted for much of her unit’s inventory. In 2003, Lori Ann Piestewa was deployed to Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom. A mere PFC at the time and a mere three days into the U.S. invasion of Iraq, she and her company’s convoy were traveling through the harsh desert. They intended to pass by Nasiriyah, an enormous Iraqi city under enemy control during the early stages of the Iraq war. Unfortunately, a navigational error brought them to Nasiriyah’s front doorstep, and a firefight ensued, one of the first of the Iraq war.  All but three of their vehicles were destroyed and eleven soldiers were killed in combat, with six being captured. Lori was taken prisoner along with other famous POWs Jessica Lynch and Shoshana Johnson, but unfortunately, Lori had been wounded in the head during the attack, and there was no suitable medical equipment or personnel available to treat her.  Lori Ann Piestewa was posthumously promoted to specialist following her death, and she also received the Purple Heart and the Prisoner of War Medal. Jessica Lynch has maintained ever since the ambush that Lori performed admirably during the attack that took almost a third of the soldiers present and that she was a heroine for her efforts, and her death has resonated with people of all races across the country. The Hopi and Navajo people prayed for her despite their long-time feud, and the Arizona Sports council has immortalized her in their annual Lori Piestewa National American Games. After her death, efforts across the country began to rename the various national landmarks named with the offensive “squaw” term, one of which includes Piestewa Peak, a location where many now come to hike, bike, and pay their respects to Lori.

Lori was not only the first Native American female killed in combat, but the first female to be killed in the Iraq War, and this fact, along with her dedication, has cemented her place in history as an extraordinary female soldier. 

Sources: Rolling Stone, Indian Country Media Network, Piestewa Native Web.org

I hope you enjoyed this post accounting the stupendous bravery of American women in the military! There’s so many more amazing women in history and I couldn’t possibly account all of the lives and achievements of female soldiers, but I hope that on this International Women’s Day you’ll join me in saluting the memory of these four pioneers of freedom. 

-Kingsley

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[sunokasai]

Of Magic and Friendship - Chapter 3: Lost in the Aftermath

Guess you didn’t see that coming, huh? :D

Thanks to some “word wars” with some awesome people I kind of... managed to write this in three days. You have no idea how happy I am (I’ll give myself one week before I start freaking out again because I do not update).

So a huge thank you at everyone evolved in getting me motivated and especially @nanjolking for being my beta this time around. And since it’s been a while - again - let’s stop rambling. Enjoy the new chapter~ *whispers* Feel free to leave a comment in my ask box, though. ;)

words: ~3900

“Your mages are certainly something.” Sasahara said, arms crossed over her chest.

In front of her was a crater, several meters in diameter and approximately 5 meters deep. All in all not to big but certainly big enough to cause a loud explosion. That was what had driven the citizens out of their homes to take a look to begin with.

Everyone had feared for the worst after the mages had lost their previous battle. So when they arrived at the scene neither of them had expected to see the nine young mages victorious. But there they were, eight of them at the edge of the crater, looking just as stunned as the townspeople. In the middle laid the last one, the orange haired girl, alongside the dark mage.

Now, after they had brought the girls back to tavern to allow them to rest, Sasahara stood alongside Mamoru, overlooking the scene. The others checked the scene, the most amazing thing being a golem covered in flowers, and trying to think of a way to use this mess.

“Yeah, they worked well together.” Mamoru answered, his brows furrowed as he looked at the crater.

“I’ve known you long enough to know when there is something troubling you, Mamoru.”

“It’s her magic. Honoka’s magic.”

Sasahara sighed, knowing what her old master was referring to. “Crash magic.”

Mamoru nodded. “Magic in general is pretty dangerous if not controlled properly. Crash magic and its destructive power even more so. But she just can’t control it, she’s afraid.”

“She needs to overcome this fear. Otherwise she’ll never improve.” Sasahara said, looking down at the other mage. “Do you have an idea how to help her?”

“I might have.” He answered. “When she joined Sakura Heaven, Hana asked me why her father dumped her at our guild, requesting that we teach her magic. Apparently she lost control over magic power and destroyed her family's home.”

Neither of them said anything for a minute, both deep in their own thoughts.

“If that’s true it explains a lot.” The tavern keeper finally said, her eyes downcast while watching the other townspeople.

“It does. And I want her to forgive herself.” Mamoru turned around, intending to go back to the tavern where his mages rested. “By the way. Thanks for letting them stay there, I’ll make that we leave as soon as possible.”

“Don’t sweat it.” Sasahara smiled, watching the former master of her former guild going back. “I’m sure you’ll help them.”

Once the explosion had been over, everyone of them had held their breath, hoping that their plan had worked. The moment they had spotted Jurek on the ground had been such a relief that some of them had dropped down onto their knees. They had been glad.

But the moment Rin had spotted Honoka laying there as well had been the complete opposite. Those who had still been able to had rushed to her side to help her up and those who could barely stand did just that.

On their way back they had encountered the townspeople, alarmed by the explosion. Among them had been Sasahara who had advised them to go back to the tavern.

Now, here they were. After dealing with their injuries everyone had been on the verge of falling asleep while standing. Honoka, with bandaids on her cheeks and bandages on her right arm, leaned against Kotori, sleeping soundly. Kotori’ head rested atop Honoka’s. She had fallen asleep the moment she had been sure Honoka was fine.

Hanayo had treated Rin’s wounds, the both of them quietly talking to each other. Rin had apologized for her behaviour again. Now the two of them slept peacefully while leaning against each other.

Maki, who had been treating Honoka, Eli and Umi, had fallen asleep the moment she had sat down on a chair. She now leaned on her arms, resting on a table.

Nico had refused any help. After she had put some band aids on some cuts and bruises she had taken a spare blanket to wrap around herself and was now leaning against a well, sometimes mumbling in her sleep.

Umi and Eli laid on the floor, the latter on her stomach. The blonde mage had refused help as well first, but after she had winced in pain and almost falling down Maki had forced her to let her help Eli.

On the other hand Nozomi was still wide awake, with a blanket around her to keep her warm. Although she was tired all she could think of was the moment when Eli had pushed aside to take the hit for her. The fact that the ice mage was barely able to move was her fault, Nozomi thought.

At the same time she wondered why Eli had helped her in the first place. She didn’t seem like someone who cared about others.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

A voice pulled Nozomi out of her thoughts. Raising her head she saw Mamoru entering the tavern, a small smile on his face.

“I am not that tired.” Nozomi tried to convince him, but apparently it didn’t work.

The old man walked over to her, readjusting the blanket around her shoulders and tugging her in a little more.

“How long have we known each other now, Nozomi-chan?”

“A couple of years I guess?” She smiled a little sheepishly.

Mamoru giggled, careful not to wake the others. “A couple of years, indeed. I’ve seen you growing up in the guild and believe me when I tell you that I can see when something is troubling you.”

“Am I that transparent?” Looking down Nozomi sighed. “It’s just that… I don’t know.” She had never been someone to openly express how she felt or what she was thinking. But Mamoru always seemed to know when something was bothering her. So Nozomi decided to open up to him. “When we were fighting I was about to get hit by one of these golem. But Eli pushed me away, taking the hit instead of me. And you know how I’ve been trying to...”

“Yeah, I do.” Mamoru interrupted her, knowing that the girl rather liked to bottle up her feelings with all her might. He didn’t want to push her. “And know you don’t know why, am I right?”

Nozomi nodded weakly. “Did she protect me just because she figured it might help her get an opening to attack like it did? Or did he protect me because… well… because she just wanted to do that. Protecting.”

It was silent for a moment, both of them lost in their own thoughts as they looked over the other eight girls.

“That girl is hard to read and even harder to understand.” Mamoru finally said, his gaze lingering on Eli. “She won’t open up to anyone, opting to keep the walls she built up around herself instead while pursuing a goal only she knows of.”

Nozomi sighed. “Yeah, she doesn’t want anyone to be close to her. So she might just wanted to end the fight.”

“Not necessarily.” The old master added quickly. “She might act like this but there has to be something that still drives her forward and that made her like this.”

“So you think she might have just wanted to protect me?”

Mamoru didn’t miss the hope lingering beneath Nozomi’s words. He smiled. “I don’t know, but want to hear what I’d do?”

Nozomi nodded eagerly this time, looking at the old master as he got ready for bed himself.

“I’d just ask her.”

Nozomi sighed, having expected something different. “She wouldn’t answer.”

“Maybe not now, but maybe someday. All that I know is that you won’t know the answers to your questions if you don’t ask. You, of all people should know that.”

Feeling slightly offended Nozomi stuck out her tongue mockingly. But deep down she knew that he was right. She just wasn’t ready to make this step yet.

“Now…”

Nozomi heard the amusement in Mamoru’s voice but before she could react a pillow hit her straight in the face.

“Go to bed. We’ll be travelling back to Otonokizaka tomorrow.” He smiled at her, threatening to throw another pillow.

“Okay. And Mamoru-san? Thank you.” Nozomi got up from the chair she was sitting on to find a comfortable place to lay down. She fell asleep immediately, the fatigue finally catching up on her.

Mamoru looked at her, a fond smile on his face as he remembered the day he was introduced to Nozomi and the nickname she would refuse to listen to soon after. “You’re welcome, Non-chan.”

When Minami had decided to send Kotori out as well she had thought that she would be able to handle the fact that she had put her own daughter in danger.

Now, four days after seeing them off she felt more nervous than ever. She hadn’t been updated by Mamoru and neither did she hear anything of Sasahara who she knew Mamoru wanted to stay with for the time being.

The rest of the guild had already noticed that something was wrong with their master and tried to help as best as they could, be it with her favourite brand of tea or keeping any visitors out for now.

As of now that didn’t seem to work because she could hear people arguing in front of the door to her office before someone knocked.

“Come in.” She leaned back in her seat and took a deep breath. Minami really wasn’t in the mood right now but when did that stop anyone from demanding something.

“Master Minami?” Midou Yuuri, a young mage of the guild, entered by sticking her head through the barely opened door. “We have a guest but I told him that you were busy.”

“You’re guild master would do well not to refuse the head of one of the ten families.” A male voice sounded from across the door and made Yuuri flinch.

“Let him in.” Minami announced, preparing herself for the worst. Having to deal with the ten families never was an easy task, especially if the head of one decided to visit personally.

Yuuri opened the door and stepped aside to create as much space as possible. The young girl looked over to Minami, unsure of what to do. But judging by the way she clenched her fists together Minami could tell that she was nervous so she dismissed her with a nod of her head and a mouthed thank you.

The moment Yuuri was out of the room Minami stood up and walked over to the entrance, closing the door tightly. As she turned around a tall man in his forties with reddish hair and beard and purple eyes stared down at her. She knew in an instant who she had to deal with and it send a shiver down her spine.

“Nishikino-san.” She outstretched her hand to greet him. He reluctantly took her hand and let go after a second, obviously more interested in scanning her office than the person in front of him. “I am pleasantly surprised to have a visitor like you, seeing that the Magic Council is about to gather in the next couple of days.”

Dealing with the ten families taught her one thing: A conversation with them was like walking over a field with hundreds of hidden explosives.

“Ohara-san is going to take my place.” He replied, not interested in a longer conversation, that much Minami could tell.

Instead she opted to get straight to the point. “In that case, what can I help you with?”

“I am sure you know that my daughter went missing over a year ago. We haven’t found her so we think she might be hiding somewhere.” Nishikino said, finally looking at Minami to scan her face for any hint that she might be hiding something.

“And you thought that she might be hiding by joining a guild?” She crossed her arms over her chest. For years she had wondered why Mamoru tortured her with playing poker all the time.

By now she knew why.

“It’s a reasonable idea, don’t you think?” He countered, the both of them now standing eye to eye.

“I doubt that any guild would risk the wrath of any of the ten families. So sadly I have to tell you that your daughter isn’t here. But rest assured that I’ll call you the moment I see her. I even have her wanted poster on my desk.” Gesturing towards the picture she kept eye contact.

With a last judging glance Nishikino looked down at her, trying to use his height advantage to intimidate her. Not that it would work.

“I hope you’re telling the truth. If not… your guild will feel what you called our wrath.”

With that he stormed out, leaving Minami alone in her office.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to relax her tense body after this conversation. If one may call it that. She looked at her desk and onto the wanted poster that said “Maki Nishikino”.

“Guess I finally have to talk to her.”

“I can’t believe they beat me!” Jurek shouted in the small dark cell he currently was in, his hands bound together with cuffs to suppress his magic. “I got careless and didn’t realize one was missing.”

“That happens when someone thinks he’s superior.”

A female voice echoed through the dark room before a familiar blonde mage stepped out of the shadows, limping a little bit.

Jurek smirked. “Uh, did my golem hit you a little hard when you were trying to protect your friend?”

“Friend?” Eli raised an eyebrow before she realized what he was hinting at. “Oh, you mean Tojo?” She walked closer to his cell before crouching down right in front of the iron bars. “And stop smirking. After all that small hit didn’t stop me from destroy two of your precious golems, did it?”

“What do you want?” His voice became darker as he looked straight at Eli, dropping the playful act.

“I need some advice.”

Jurek started laughing. “What can I possibly help you with?”

“Have you been working with some dark guilds?”

Now Jurek got suspicious. “Why would you wanna know that?” He raised an eyebrow,

Eli just shrugged. “I have my reasons. Now, have you?”

“No.” Even if he had he would never tell that girl.

“Figured as much.” Eli sighed, scratching the back of her neck. “Well, do you know some people who could help me out with some information?”

Shaking his head Jurek chuckled. “I do, but I won’t tell you.”

Eli got as close as the cell allowed her to. “I think you don’t realize in what position you’re in.”

Her voice became deeper and Jurek could feel the chill the ice mage was sending out. When he looked at the floor he saw how a thin layer of ice creeping up on him.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.” Eli smirked.

The ice reached his food and started crawling up his leg, causing him to flinch back when the cold started to set in. Jurek looked at Eli who just smirked, having no intention to stop the ice.

When it reached his knees and a second layer started to coat the first he started to panik.

“Ok, ok, I’ll tell you!”

The ice retreated back and Eli smiled. “Thank you.”

“Rin-chan, wake up.”

“Just a little while longer.” Rin moaned, trying to get back to sleep and ignoring that someone shook her shoulders.

“Get up Hoshizora. Because of you we all have to wait.”

She heard another person and felt someone lightly kicking her feet to rouse her. She pulled her blanket over her head.

“Ma- Ichinose-san, stop it.” The first person whispered shyly.

“What? I am just telling the truth.”

The voices got louder and Rin frowned. There was no way she could fall back asleep. “I get it, I get up!” She pulled her blanket off of her and sat up, startling both Hanayo and Maki who were standing right beside her. When she looked around she noticed that the others had already finished cleaning up and had their bags ready. Honoka was the only exception because of her injuries but Kotori helped her.

“Hurry up already.” Maki said while walking away.

Turning to Hanayo the other girl smiled slightly at Rin before standing up as well to get back to her own belongings.

Rin sighed, starting to fold her blanket until someone tapped her shoulder from behind. Turning around she saw Nozomi smiling and holding up her already packed bag

“Here you go, Rin-chan.”

“Thank you, Tojo-san!” Rin jumped up, grabbing the bag and stuffed her blanket in.

“Nozomi is fine.” Nozomi said, her arms behind her back.

“Eh? Where is Ayase-san?” Kotori asked once she finished helping Honoka. She looked around the room but couldn’t find the blonde mage.

“She got up early in the morning, took her stuff and left” Nico chimed in while sitting at a table, her arms crossed over her chest. Her leg rocked nervously up and down.

“What?” When Honoka tried to stand up her face contorted in pain. The impact of her own magic had hit her as well. Though she was lucky that didn’t suffer some broken bones she still had bruises and sore muscles all over her body. “She can’t just leave.”

“Technically… I can.” Walking through the door was Eli. “I don’t need to travel back with the rest of you.”

Honoka smiled, despite the pain. “But you came back because we are a team.”

Nico snorted before bursting out in laughter. “No, no, no, no. That was a once in a lifetime thing because we had no choice. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“I agree with Yazawa.” Umi said, standing in a corner. “Besides, we were all assigned to this mission by master Minami, otherwise I’d never have worked together in the first place. I guess Ayase agrees as well.”

Eli just nodded, ignoring the glances by Honoka and the others.

“You’re kidding, are you? Are we back to all this arguing and fighting?” Honoka asked, but before anyone could answer Sasahara walked through the door.

“Good morning, everyone! Are you rea- Did I interrupt something?” She immediately caught up on the bad mood in the room and looked around but neither of the girls looked at her.

The silence was a little awkward, even for Sasahara. She didn’t know what to say, doubting that this was the outcome Minami and Mamoru wished for. Everything seemed back to how it was before they lost their first battle.

“So… the townspeople prepared a carriage for you because some of you had troubles walking. It’s a thank you for helping us out.” She finally said.

Honoka looked up, a forced smile on her face that made Sasahara frown. “Thank you.”

“Girls, get ready! We are departing. We’ve stayed here long enough, Sasahara needs to get the her business going again!” Mamoru announced as he walked back in, standing beside Sasahara.

While the nine young mages all made their way out, Sasahara nudges her old master. “They are back to square one.” She said sadly.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. I feared that may happen.” He whispered. “But some of them actually opened up to others.”

He looked at Rin and smiled. The girl had always been a gentle soul and seeing her apologizing to Hanayo despite the fact that her injury wasn’t even Rin’s fault made him proud. Now she helped the others, especially Hanayo since she still felt guilty, however she possibly could.

“Especially Sonoda, Yazawa, Ichinose and Ayase won’t open up that easy. I think Hana underestimated that quite a lot.”

“I bet she’ll just be happy that Kotori is fine.”

Mamoru just nodded.

They travelled back in silence, neither of them uttering a word.

Honoka and Hanayo sat in the carriage together with Kotori and Nozomi. Despite trying to convince Eli to do the same the blonde had refused and was now walking beside the carriage, still limping a little. Rin was together with Mamoru handled the horses while Umi, Maki and Nico walked ahead, a visible gap between them.

While he was happy that they were all somewhat fine, especially Kotori since he didn’t want to know what Hana would have done with him if her daughter would have been seriously injured, he still worried for what would happen in the guild.

He knew Hana ever since she was little. She never did something without a goal in mind and if she really wanted these girls to become friends her plan had failed miserably. At least this time.

For now he was glad that he didn’t need to threaten any of them again.

With his mind wandering he didn’t realize that they were approaching Otonokizaka. Only when Umi called back that she could see the town he was pulled out of his thoughts.

They sped up a little to make it back before dawn and sure enough they soon were walking through the streets. He was greeted every now and then but Mamoru really didn’t feel like cheering.

When they came to a stop in front of the guild he and Rin helped their passengers to get down while Eli announced she would go straight to the library and no one should disturb her. Umi, Maki and Nico followed suit and Mamoru guessed they’d just check on the newest requests or retreat to be alone as well.

What he didn’t expect was to see Minami at the guild's counter stopping them, though.

“Mama!” Kotori ran passed him, dropping her bag on the floor.

Upon being called Minami turned around, a relieved smile on her face as she caught her daughter in her arms, hugging her tight. “So I guess everything went well?” When Kotori just nodded, Minami loosened her hold to look at her daughter. “Great. I am proud of you.”

“Did you stop us just so we see the family reunion?” Nico asked, obviously annoyed. Behind her where Umi, Maki and Eli, the latter two looking away.

“No, I didn’t. But first….” Minami turned to Mamoru, finally seeing Hanayo’s broken arm and the patched up Honoka. “What happened?”

Mamoru sighed. “Long story short: the hotheads there rushed ahead.” He gestured at Umi, Nico, Eli and Rin. “In the process Hanayo got injured and they lost the battle. Afterwards they agreed to team up, with Honoka-chan here being the leader, and, with a well thought out plan, managed to successfully end the mission you assigned to them.”

“That is great news.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’s not like we’ll work together again.”

“You’re wrong if you think that, Yazawa-san.” Minami said with a smirk that Mamoru really didn’t like. Nico was staring at here with raised eyebrows and so did everyone else.

“Because as of now the nine of you will be an official team of this guild.”

[recentanimenews]

Life After Re:Mind: A Personal Post-Mortem on Kingdom Hearts III

I’ve been on the Kingdom Hearts roller coaster for almost its entire run. For the uninitiated, that’s about 18 years, approximately eight games across five different platforms (not even counting all the re-releases), technically a movie, and an ongoing mobile game’s worth of my gaming dedicated to this one franchise. The iconic, almost infamous Disney x Square Enix mashup has certainly made its mark on the industry in its long history, and its most recent entry—Kingdom Hearts III—stood out as a highly-anticipated title with 13 years of build-up and six years of development. 

While the state of its completion upon launch was rather questionable, a DLC add-on was rolled out almost a year later to fill in some of the gaps. Re:Mind was released on January 23 as a supplemental story that sought to provide further insight into the narrative and paint a more complete picture. It even added some new content and playable elements to boot.

    For all intents and purposes, Re:Mind brings the story of KH3 to a close. But how well does it do that? Rather than simply review the DLC, I’d like to take a deep dive (pun intended) into how complete the game feels now. As a hopelessly-devoted Kingdom Hearts fan who wanted so much more out of KH3 initially, I went into Re:Mind hoping for the package to be more substantial. In many ways, Re:Mind delivers on its promise of a fuller experience. But from what I’ve played thus far, I’m still not very confident in saying that the game as a whole is in any way perfect. 

But before we even get to Re:Mind, I should talk about my thoughts on the base game. After about a year of careful consideration, my reaction is lukewarm at best. 

**MAJOR SPOILERS FOR KINGDOM HEARTS III BELOW**

I have to admit that those first couple of hours were magical. With so many installments touting completely different play styles, KH3 had a strong start. It began as a return to form for the franchise, combining its classic action-RPG gameplay with some of the best mechanics from other games in the series. I felt that my patience, tenuous as it was, was rewarded with a gameplay experience that was both nostalgic and refreshing.

But when that initial charm wore off and the game progressed, it started to take a bit of a nose dive. Its enormous worlds had almost nothing in them and the dazzling gameplay became so broken that I don’t think I got a Game Over throughout the entire story.  Not to mention there were fan favorite characters that saw little to no spotlight, and the conclusion to the long-running Xehanort Saga that director Tetsuya Nomura promised us left more questions than answers. 

I won’t say I hated it. Seeing characters like Terra, Roxas, and Xion make a comeback during the climax was so emotionally gratifying that I can barely think about those scenes without crying. With so many characters having been resigned to grim fates throughout the series, it was all too satisfying to see some happy endings go around. But even then, it was missing far too much to be among my favorite Kingdom Hearts games.

If you compare it to any other title in the franchise content-wise, KH3 was a barebones and almost empty affair that left much to be desired. The final chapter proved to be lackluster with its shockingly unchallenging clip show of bosses from games past and a last world that was barely explorable. And the bittersweet cherry on top came as Sora disappeared by the end of the Keyblade War while his friends were alive and well, an ending that was far too hard to swallow for a story that has long deserved a real and honest conclusion.

Re:Mind, in its entirety,sought to change at least some of this. This three-part DLC package (three parts that I know of, at least) promised to deliver more playable characters, a deeper insight into the story, more real gameplay challenges, and a glimpse into the future of Kingdom Hearts. I’ve played and struggled through the first two (Re:Mind and Limited Cut), and am currently working on conquering the third (Secret Episode). But I have plenty to say on the matter already.

I’ll go in order, starting with Re:Mind itself. As a retelling of the final chapter, this first episode went into further detail on Sora’s journey to rescue Kairi’s heart after she perished by Xehanort’s hand. His own heart traveled back through time to collect pieces of Kairi, passing through every Keyblade wielder during their final respective battles, which lent itself to allowing the player to take control of different characters and use their abilities.

This was, without a doubt, my favorite part of the DLC. It gave me everything I wanted out of the conclusion of KH3. It wasn’t difficult to get used to any of the new characters (gameplay translates rather consistently between each of them), but it was so exciting to have some of my favorites take an active part in the final conflict and truly helped to raise the emotional impact of their returns. 

The big team-up between every Keyblade Master and Mickey Mouse’s unyielding efforts to fight back the darkness with his dwindling strength easily served as some of the most powerful gameplay moments in the entire series. It gave me the same kind of vibes I would get from watching epic anime battles ala Gurren Lagann or My Hero Academia. Characters from across the series overcame severe hardships in order to arrive at one last fight against Xehanort, which resulted in an immensely satisfying conclusion for the supporting cast.

What made this first part work was how it directly addressed some of the flaws of KH3’s denouement. While working its way into the main story, it was able to course correct much of the narrative payoff it tried to achieve the first time around. It was more than just Sora, Donald, and Goofy fighting one more evil person. It gave everyone a chance to shine and allowed its fans to be directly involved in seeing their stories through. Is it a perfect game after Re:Mind’s first chapter? Far from it. Do I lament that this content wasn’t available at launch? You bet I do. But Re:Mind itself was exactly the climax I wanted one year ago, and getting it now certainly counts for something in my book.

The same can hardly be said for what comes after.

Upon completing Re:Mind, you unlock the Limited Cut. Taking place one year after the main story, Riku and company have worked tirelessly trying to track down Sora with nothing to show for it. While trying to compare notes with Radiant Garden’s crew of Final Fantasy characters, they discover a strange collection of old Organization XIII data, and compile a digitized version of Sora to investigate it. This results in a gauntlet of bosses that pits you against beefed-up versions of the Organization members. And these fights are substantially more difficult than anything that the base game had to offer. 

This could’ve been a good thing. One of the major complaints I had with the initial KH3 release was that you could very easily unlock combat abilities that were nigh-invincible and easily tore through any enemy the game threw at you, even final bosses and secret enemies. By and large, these new bosses offered no such luxury. 

Reminiscent of KH2:FM, each Organization member required their own strategy and featured original gimmicks that you had to overcome. Almost none were so simple as “mashing the X button so you could press the Triangle button so you can mash X better.” This collection of newer bosses would’ve been nice to add as a secret room where you could test your abilities, and I certainly felt like a champion conquering them one by one. But it fails when you include it as a linchpin to the rest of the story.

Limited Cut presents itself as a legitimate continuation of Kingdom Hearts. In other words, surmounting this glut of superbosses was a requirement in order to know the rest of the story. That isn’t how superbosses should work. I enjoy being challenged with sidequests and extra content in any Kingdom Hearts game, but not when it serves as a barrier barring me from actual narrative. In the past, secret bosses were optional challenges that you could take on, where you’d be rewarded with extra scenes if you beat them. What came after Limited Cut hardly felt worth it. There were cutscenes to be had and I did learn something new in terms of what Riku must do to save Sora, but having to tear my hair out through several difficult bosses just for that one fact was the furthest thing from a fair tradeoff.

In fairness, that wasn’t all I got from beating Limited Cut. It granted me access to the Secret Episode, but that’s an entirely different beast as of now.

As the episode begins, we miraculously find Sora alive and well, albeit stranded in the Final World. He soon encounters a mysterious young man named Yozora (who you might remember from the Toy Box gag commercial and the original secret ending). Strangely enough, Yozora had been asked to “save Sora,” though his version of it seemed to involve drawing his weapon against him. So ensues one of the toughest, almost confusing boss battles I’ve ever encountered in Kingdom Hearts.

As of writing, I still have yet to defeat Yozora. I hope to do so soon just to see if anything comes after. If the secret content of previous games is any indication, it probably won’t be too much, but the potential of narrative compels me to see it through to the end. And that simply compounds the problem that the content after the main story seems to have.

There’s a stark difference between beating a regular boss to further the story and beating secret bosses to further the story. This unrelenting test of my skills feels more like a requirement for my KH3 experience rather than just a side challenge. The sense of accomplishment I might get from overcoming these enemies is diminished when you replace hidden content with vague and mandatory narrative as a reward. Of course I want to know more about what’s happening in the story, but having to work this hard for it has proven to be rather unappetizing.

The way I see it, the entire DLC package of Re:Mind worked at its best when it played into the game it’s attached to. The first chapter doesn’t fix all of the base game’s problems, but I found a much greater sense of gratification in seeing characters I’ve followed for years get a redo for their long-deserved epic comebacks. Unfortunately, it began to lose me as soon as the DLC started to stray away from the core experience.

As I mentioned before, Tetsuya Nomura promised us an ending to this saga of the Kingdom Hearts story. Even if the series continues from here, as it undoubtedly will, I still wanted that one decisive ending before moving on. I didn’t get it the first time around, what with the ambiguous final scene and two secret endings in the base game. Limited Cut and Secret Episode brought me even further from it, while kicking my ass to boot.

I wasn’t so naive as to think that Kingdom Hearts was ever going to end. The whole reason why I got the DLC in the first place was because I wanted more of it. When all's said and done, Re:Mind reflected my initial experience with Kingdom Hearts III. The first few moments dazzled me, but despite its best efforts and toughest challenges, there still remains so much more that could be done to salvage this game in its current, seemingly final, iteration.

Have you beaten Re:Mind yet? Which secret boss gave you the most trouble? Let us know in the comments!

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Carlos is a freelance features writer for Crunchyroll. Their favorite genres range from magical girls to over-the-top robot action, yet their favorite characters are always the obscure ones. Check out some of their satirical work on The Hard Times.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[candidateofloyalty]

2019 Fic Retrospective

I saw a number of people doing this, and since I’m always up for talking about my own writing, I decided to imitate them. Admittedly, I’m a bit late, but since I didn’t have computer access for a decent part of this week I think it’s justified.

Apparently I wrote 55k words of fic this year? Given that I spent half the year out of the country, that is higher than I expected. I guess suddenly allowing a podcast to become my entire personality is a powerful motivator.

1/31

The Clock Strikes Midnight, Fire Emblem Echoes, 3.5k words

The prince is throwing a ball to find a spouse, and Faye just knows that this is her chance to make her dreams come true. There's no time for her to worry about the messenger who brought her the news, not when she can finally live out her fairytale.

My birthday gift for star, this time only posted one day after their birthday. Someday I will figure out this timing thing. They wanted a Cinderella AU, and as someone who read approximately 5 million fractured fairytale novels in high school, I had an immediate idea of where I wanted to take the plot. I’m pretty pleased with how this one came out, especially since I never actually played Echoes. It’s also one of my rare fics where the title isn’t a song lyric.

2/14

Sacred Simplicity, Dangan Ronpa, 900 words

Sakura and Aoi meet up for their weekly donut date, but Sakura's mind is elsewhere.

I can’t believe it took a fic exchange to get me to write Sakuraoi. The request was cute and I had a good time, though. I’m always a fan of the concept of Hope’s Peak practical exams. The whole premise of the franchise is that these kids have crazy skills, so let them use them.

3/3

My Fantasies from Long Ago, Persona 4, 5.2k words

While walking home from work, Yosuke is hit on the head by a mysterious cat-dog-thing. This is the least weird thing that happens to him over the course of the next 24 hours.

Apparently I had a lot of outside sources of inspiration this year. I guess that’s what all fanfic is, but even so. This AU is from kawaii-bunny-mel, and is ridiculously fun to write. This one sticks pretty close to the source material, since I intended it as an introduction to the AU. I wrote most of it on trains while cross-referencing the original episode. As it turns out, writing is much faster when you don’t have to worry about pacing or coming up with original events.

5/4

The Present You's Daydreams, Persona 4, 7.2k words

Yosuke's been doing magical girl temp work for about a month, and it's pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to him, even if it does mean having a weird bear roommate. Then Souji invites him to a party, and Yosuke has to face something even scarier than magical enemies: social interaction.

The second part of the BAPC AU, and the one where I went off and did my own thing. As much as I love the source material, I wanted to fit the rest of the IT in somewhere, and there are like 6 characters in the entirety of BAPC. Really, though, a significant amount of this fic was an excuse to have Yosuke use his customer-service voice on a dragon. I’d also meant for this to be the one where they got together, or at least showed mutual interest, and then Yosuke went and made things awkward. I don’t know what I expected. I got to write Hamuko being cryptic at Souji, though, which was even better.

5/19

Dazzling Blue Sky on the Window, Persona 3, 3.9k words

After Erebus, Metis is prepared to vanish, but Igor suggests another option.

This one was my birthday present to myself. You might wonder what that means when all of my fic is incredibly self-indulgent to begin with, and the answer is merging two universes and saving my favorite minor character in the process. It was only after the fact that I realized how much projection was involved. It’s fine.

6/16

Bright-Eyed, Tireless One, The Adventure Zone, 2.2k words

Minerva is here, physically present, and Duck's so glad to see her. The only question is what to do with her. They've got enough people hidden in the Amnesty Lodge basement as it is. (Immediately post Episode 28)

I caught up to Amnesty right after episode 28 was released, which is what we in the writing business call good timing. I immediately wrote this in a haze of love for Minerva and have not thought about it since. I think episode 30 confirms it as canon, though.

7/8

Not So Nec-Romantic, Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun, 1.7k words

Nene's been studying to join the Healers' Guild for years, and it's finally time for her admissions test. It doesn't quite go as planned.

Star egged me on to write this and then wrote their own, funnier take on an RPG AU, which would have been rude if it weren’t for the fact that I got to read the better fic without having to write it. My favorite part of this fic is Mitsuba and Kou charging in from their epic fantasy quest without noticing that they’ve landing in the middle of a comedy of errors. I kind of want to write what they were actually up to but also it’s funnier this way.

8/25

Open Seas and Ways Of Life I've Forgotten, Friends at the Table, 3.5k words

Cass is adjusting just fine to life on their own, thank you.

They'd be doing even better if their new teammate wasn't so eerily reminiscent of their sibling, but that's all right. They're definitely coping.

And here we hit the fatt tipping point of my year. The Kingdom Game was probably the point where I fully devoted myself to this show, and a large part of that was the ability to conspiracy-board all of Sokrates’ influences on Cass’ personality. I have not stopped thinking about the Pelagios siblings since.

9/29

Not the Only Ones Pretending, Friends at the Table, 1.2k words

It sounds so nice, in theory. Mako's just running into an old friend while going out for fried chicken. But even though the Chime has broken up, two of them in the same place can still throw the simplest of missions into chaos.

I wrote this in an hour after listening to the penultimate episode of Counter/weight because the Orth-Mako scene ended right where things got good, to my mind. I just wanted to know more about how the Chime interacted after the timeskip. This also marks the start of me defaulting to Mako’s POV in every other Counter/weight fic I write.

10/14

A Magic That Won't Go Cold, Friends at the Table, 4.5k words

Jacqui doesn't normally like being sent on bodyguard jobs, but then, she's not normally working for Joypark darling Aria Joie.

I’ll just come up with a fun Jacria AU to think about in my spare time, I thought to myself. There’s a lot to explore with an Aria who never left Joypark. I can come up with some neat bullet points and it will be a good time. Then I started connecting the bullet points and at that point I had an entire outline for a fic. It’s what they deserve.

10/18

Questions Ricochet Like Broken Satellites, Friends at the Table, 2k words

Kobus' entire life had been pointless, but for once, they could see exactly what they needed to do. Then Vicuna pulled them out of Liberty and Grace.

I could not tell you why I latched onto Kobus so hard, but that didn’t stop me from doubling the size of their ao3 tag in a month. This fic ended up pretty depressing, which is ironic since the whole point was to give them a happier ending than they got in canon, but at least they’re alive at the end of it.

11/4

Detect My Sudden Existence on Your Sonar, Friends at the Table, 3.1k words

AuDy didn't intend for the rest of the Chime to move in with them. They didn't object when it happened, though.

I had a lot of trouble trying to write from AuDy’s perspective but I’m pleased with the end result. Maybe next I’ll figure out how to do pacing and/or tonal consistency. I do like the Cass stuff at the end but I think my favorite scene from this fic is everyone helping Aria unpack her stuff and being goofy.

11/11

Telling Dreams from One Another, Friends at the Table, 1.3k words

Mako shows up on Kobus' doorstep holding a Divine, and doesn't even have the decency to bring fried chicken.

This started because I kept thinking about how Kobus’ form of Ambition would have been Faith and how close that comes to Loyalty, and then the more I wrote the more I liked the dynamic between Kobus and the younger Makos. A lot of it can be summed up as Mako being the mid-twenties upperclassman who looks at the freshman and goes “oh look, a baby” much to the freshman’s annoyance, except instead of being in college they’re both secret agents raised as weapons since they can remember. It isn’t addressed in the fic but I imagine this ends with Kobus following Mako back to Kesh and ending up with eight identical older siblings.

11/24

Find Out What Broke Me Soon Enough, Friends at the Table, 1.9k words

Kobus is still reeling from their failed attack on Grace, but when Aria Joie asks for their help, they can't think of a good reason to refuse.

Continuing the theme of “what if Kobus had friends,” I like the idea of Aria being worried about Righteousness consuming her and going to the one person she knows of who’s successfully stepped away from a Divine. Like the last fic in the series, I tried very hard to give Kobus a happy ending and they categorically refused. As it turns out, when you’ve been raised to see yourself as a sacrifice for the greater good, it’s hard to find other ways to make a difference, and Aria doesn’t know them well enough to push it. One day I will find the right combination of characters and circumstances to let Kobus rest.

12/7

Take Our Time 'Cause It Feels Like We're Dying, Friends at the Table, 1.7k words

When Cass coughed up the first flower petal, all they could do was stare at it in disbelief.

Yes, I know, hanahaki. I am surprised at myself too. I was just thinking about what it would take to get me invested in hanahaki and because of who I am as a person my brain immediately applied that to Counter/weight. I know where I’m going with it but I want to finish F&M before continuing, so keep an eye out maybe in February. Also, doing this retrospective made me realize that this is the second time I’ve used a line from this song as a title for a Counter/weight fic. Whoops.

12/17

The Movements of My Mind, Friends at the Table, 1k words

On his way back to Auniq for the negotiations, Throndir stops by the cave where he met Kindrali.

My first non Counter/weight fatt fic, and once again it is introspection about a Dre character, because without realizing it I ended up with a favorite player. I just like coming up with in-universe explanations for things that were probably mistakes on their part, and I’m always interested in how the Kindrali connection works. Even if I am now incapable of thinking of Kindrali without going “I wonder what day he remembers??”

12/25

Fantasy and Microchips, Friends at the Table, 9.2k words

Five times Mako hacks things accidentally because of Cass, and one time it's intentional.

The year ended as it began, with me taking someone else’s AU and writing a fic about it. In this case, it’s a comic done by drowzydruzy on twitter. I looked at it, went “that’s pretty funny, maybe I could write a fic about it,” and then two chapters in I realized how to exploit it for angst and pretty much didn’t stop. The trickiest part so far has been making Rigor references without getting too heavy-handed. I’m halfway through writing the last chapter now, so naturally I’m procrastinating by doing this meme. It’s actually a meta-narrative about defeating Rigor by not being too beholden to your own projects, or something.

[rolandfontana]

‘This Cannot Be My Life’: Foster Care and Juvenile Justice in Indian Country

Brian Melendez’s life was about to change forever. In the winter of 1987, a domestic dispute erupted in a house on the Reno-Sparks Indian Colony in Reno, Nevada. As law enforcement and social workers descended on the scene, an already bad situation turned into chaos.

“I didn’t understand what was happening. All I knew was that there was arguing and fighting, and that my mother was all bloody and people were in handcuffs,” says Melendez.

“I remember a white lady came in and told me and my younger brother to pack a bag and that we were leaving. But we just stood there scared out of our minds, because we didn’t know what she meant or even what to pack. We had never packed a bag in our lives.”

Like most reservations where severe housing shortages are common, Melendez recalled approximately 16 people crowded into the single-family home. His home life was already a a toxic stew of drugs, alcohol and simmering resentments, when things took a violent turn that night in 1987, resulting in multiple arrests and the placement of at least five children into the Nevada state foster care system.

Melendez, who was seven at the time, and his five-year-old brother, Russell, were two of those children.

“At first they put us with our grandparents, but the social worker didn’t know what she was doing,” says Melendez, who is Northern-Southern Paiute and Western Shoshone. “So then they just put us with non-Indians, where ever they could find a house off the reservation.

“There was no vetting, no formal process, no certifications for these foster families―no nothing. But the social workers didn’t care; they just dumped us with whoever they could find to take us.”

Already in crisis, their lives were about to take another hairpin turn into a byzantine, disorganized foster care system, setting them both on the path toward eventual incarceration―and worse.

“Once they’ve got you, once you’re in the system, they’ve got you on a hook,” says Melendez. “And it’s almost impossible to get out.”

Into the Fire

 Though they comprise less than one percent of the total number of children in the United States, American Indian/Alaska Native children are twice as likely to be investigated for abuse and four times more likely to be placed in foster care than their white peers, according to the Casey Center for the Study of Social Policy.

As a result, thousands of Native children are swept into state custody every year, where they are over-represented in foster care at nearly three times the rate of the general population, according to the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ) in Reno, Nevada.

In South Dakota, for example, where Native children are only 13 percent of the total child population, they represent 48 percent of the children in the state’s foster care system. In Alaska, Native youth represent 18 percent of the total child population, and nearly 46 percent of those in foster care in that state.

And although the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) was passed in 1978 to protect the removal of Native children from their families and communities in foster care and adoption proceedings, the vast majority of Native kids are placed in non-Native foster homes.

“It’s irrefutable that most states do a poor job complying with ICWA.’

This is due, in part, to several factors, including a lack of foster homes in Native communities, the severe housing shortage, and social workers and judges who are either not trained—or not inclined—to follow the law.

“It’s irrefutable that most states do a poor job complying with ICWA when placing these kids,” says Judge John Romero Jr., President of NCJFCJ. “Most courts are praying that the case before them isn’t an ICWA case because they just want to get it over with and move on, because Native kids require us to ask more questions and put more thought into their cases.”

Romero also says he believes that there is another, underlying reason that Native kids are more likely to be investigated and placed in foster care than other groups.

“From my perspective, there is an unconscious bias at work where there are presumptions about Native parents that result in these negative outcomes for their kids in state courts,” says Romero, who is also Presiding Judge of the Children’s Court Division of the Second Judicial District Court in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

John J. Riomero presides over the Children’s Court Division of the Second Judicial District Court in Albuquerque, N.M. Photo courtesy NCFCJ

“So I think it’s important to ask the questions that matter in an ICWA proceeding: Who is the father? Who is their tribe? Where is their family? Who is available to take them? It doesn’t cost a dime to ask these questions, but they can make a big difference in the long term outcomes for an Indian kid.”

For Brian Melendez, the child welfare system became a nightmare from which he and his family could never escape.

“Sometimes it had nothing to do with us or our parents. Sometimes they would find any reason to come get us and we’d get taken for small things and wind up back in the system with no school, no instruction, no nothing,” he says.

“It was never-ending with [the social workers]. We were fending for ourselves in a system where we fell through the cracks again and again.”

Subsequently, Melendez’s path from foster care to the juvenile detention system was strikingly short.

When Brian was nine, his father committed suicide at the age of 28. After that, he and his brother were placed into foster care again because his mother was unable to cope. Around the same time, he began getting into trouble with the law. All told, he landed in foster care a total of eight times, in addition to numerous stints in juvenile detention before aging out of the system.

“I started getting in trouble with criminal misdemeanors involving drugs and property crimes. But as I got older it started becoming more elevated and aggressive with violent offenses. I’d get in fights, and I was drinking and doing drugs,” he says.

“From 12 to 18, we’d get removed for months and months and no one would come for us, no one would advocate for us. It was like people forgot about us.”

A Path Forward

 Brian Melendez eventually did age out of the child welfare system, went to rehab and slowly began turning his life around. Because educational instruction was not provided during his time in juvenile detention, at 17 he had virtually no credits toward his high diploma and was still a freshman. But not finishing high school, he says, was not an option.

Having previously been kicked out of four high schools, he enrolled at an alternative school that allowed self-directed, independent instruction, which he preferred to traditional education. Now almost an adult, he was highly motivated to stay out of the system at any cost.

So with the help of a local attorney who moonlighted as a high school teacher, he went for it.

By the age of 18, he had crammed almost four years of high school into a year and a half, and graduated with a high school diploma.

“I worked and worked, and read and read, and wrote and wrote,” says Melendez. “I’ve never worked so hard for anything in my entire life. I finished those packets as fast as I could. But I was determined.”

After a short stint working at a factory warehouse loading boxes in 110 degree heat with a co-worker who had been to prison, Melendez made up his mind to move on to higher education.

“One day I looked at [my co-worker], who couldn’t get a job anywhere else because of his prison record, and thought, ‘This is a dead end. This cannot be my life,’” he says. “So I quit that day and never went back.”

Melendez tried community college, but found himself woefully underprepared for college. “I didn’t have the skill set or know-how to study,” he says.

But he tried again, and graduated from culinary school in Las Vegas, Nevada. After two years in the restaurant industry, he decided to continue pursuing his education and double majored in criminal justice and political science at the University of Nevada-Reno.

Eventually, he obtained his master’s degree in Justice Management and went on to become a probation officer working with Native youth in the juvenile justice system.

“I was the first person to go to university in my entire family,” says Melendez. “I did it because I wanted to work within the system, because I understand it in a way that a lot of other people don’t. I know what these kids are in for and I wanted to help them because we never got any help.”

As a probation officer, Melendez worked on culturally relevant prevention programs for Native families and youth in Reno. “Just having someone with knowledge of the community and how to work with them was huge,” says Melendez.

Melendez subsequently went to work for the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which he left in 2018 to return to the reservation where he began a consulting business working with tribes and to run sweat lodges and meditation groups for those out of incarceration, veterans, addicts, and “who ever needs it,” he says.

He also created and produces the Coffee With an Indian podcast to discuss Native issues.

“My whole life has taken a giant circle. No one wakes up and says, ‘I’m gonna be a criminal today,’” says Melendez, who is now 39. “But a lot of Indian people go into the system; they break down and give up. So I knew when I got older that I wanted to be of service and to help my people because what we do grows exponentially―for good or bad.

“So if you create something positive, then it will continue to grow.”

Suzette Brewer, a 2018 John Jay/Tow Justice Reporting fellow, is a veteran journalist who specializes in writing about federal Indian law. A member of the Cherokee Nation from Stilwell, Okla., she received the Richard LaCourse-Gannett Foundation Al Neuharth Investigative Journalism Award in 2015 for her work on the Indian Child Welfare Act. This article was written as part of her Fellowship project.

‘This Cannot Be My Life’: Foster Care and Juvenile Justice in Indian Country syndicated from https://immigrationattorneyto.wordpress.com/