#I’ve been on holiday and also trying to sort my fuckin life out and this has made me feel sane lol

[panthermouthh]

“It was on a dreary night of November that I beheld the accomplishment of my toils…How can I describe my emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch whom with such infinite pains and care I had endeavoured to form? His limbs were in proportion, and I had selected his features as beautiful. Beautiful!— Great God!”

[johns-prince]

if you don’t mind, what are some of your favorite soft mclennon moments?

JOHN: I used to try to get George to rebel with me. I’d say to him, “Look, we don’t need these fuckin’ suits. Let’s chuck them out of the window.” My little rebellion was to have my tie loose with the top button of my shirt undone. Paul’d always come up to me and put it straight. [x]

PAUL: There’s a story that I used to straighten John’s tie before we went on stage. That seems to have become a symbol of what my attitude was supposed to have been. I’ve never straightened anyone’s tie in my life, except perhaps affectionately.

The Times Profile of Paul McCartney - 1982 [x]

“And John and Paul thought back to the time they’d been in Paris before. Flat-broke, unable to afford a taxi, without funds for a decent meal. ‘Maybe we’ll buy the Eiffel Tower this time’, said John with a grin.”

“The Beatles in Paris.” Beatles Book Monthly Magazine No. 8 (March 1964). [x]

““Okay, okay,” I said, “don’t go on, John.” I felt a surge of embarrassment because my instrument was the cause of such hilarity. “Look guys, that’s enough. What have you two been doing while we’ve been struggling to get here? I hope you’ve done some practising and got the song list sorted out?” I was getting more and more annoyed as this episode was dragging on. “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry Len. Paul and I have got it all sorted out. Haven’t we Paul? Paul! Paul! I said haven’t we Paul?” Paul McCartney looked up with a wry smile and paused. “Tonight will run just like clockwork. I am going to give the audience the best rendition of ‘Guitar Boogie’ they have ever heard this side of Garston.” “Hey, this is a new twist,” I said. “Paul just cracked a joke. He must have a sense of humour after all, John, shall we have him in the group?” John was enjoying the banter as ever. “Yeah, we’ll give him another try and if you don’t get it right this time, Jimmy,” Jimmy (James) was Paul’s first name, “then…” John waited to see the expression on Paul’s face. “Then we’ll,” again a pause, and by this time we were hanging on John’s next words, “then we’ll have to send him for some more guitar lessons!” Paul joined in the laughter and at that we were all back to normal.”

— Len Garry, John, Paul and Me: Before The Beatles. (1997) [x]

“One of my great memories of John is from when we were having some argument. I was disagreeing and we were calling each other names. We let it settle for a second and then he lowered his glasses and he said: “It’s only me.” And then he put his glasses back on again. To me, that was John. Those were the moments when I actually saw him without the facade, the armour, which I loved as well, like anyone else. It was a beautiful suit of armour. But it was wonderful when he let the visor down and you’d just see the John Lennon that he was frightened to reveal to the world.” [x]

“Whatever bad things John said about me, he would also slip his glasses down to the end of his nose and say, ’I love you’. That’s really what I hold on to. That’s what I believe. The rest is showing off.” [x]

“I remember being shocked one day when John started worrying about how people would remember him when he was gone. It was an incredibly vulnerable thing for him to come out with. I said to him then, ‘They’ll remember you as a fucking genius, because that’s what you are. But, you won’t give a shit because you’ll be up there, flying across the universe.’” [x]

“If John Lennon could come back for a day, how would you spend it with him?”  “In bed.” — Paul McCartney answers questions for Q magazine, 1998. [x]

“John and I grew up like twins although he was a year and a half older than me. We grew up literally in the same bed because when we were on holiday, hitchhiking or whatever, we would share a bed. Or when we were writing songs as kids he’d be in my bedroom or I’d be in his. Or he’d be in my front parlour or I’d be in his, although his Aunt Mimi sometimes kicked us out into the vestibule!”

— September 26, 1997, “Paul McCartney - Meet The Beatle” by Steve Richards [x]

“We were recording the other night, and I just wasn’t there. Neither was Paul. We were like two robots going through the motions. We do need each other alot. When we used to get together after a month off, we used to be embarrassed about touching each other. We’d do an elaborate handshake just to hide the embarrassment… or we did mad dances. Then we got to hugging each other.”

— John Lennon, The Beatles by Hunter Davies [x]

Q: “What musician and composer do you respect most?” Paul: “No, I don’t know, really... John Lennon!” John: *mock-shy* “...Paul McCartney.” [x]

conversations with mccartney, paul du noyer [x]

“It was 8:30. I could hear people talking about the likelihood of a storm later on that evening. I can remember hoping that it would clear up before my cycle ride back to Wavertree. Up to now it had been an eventful day but very tiring and as a group, although committed to playing, we all wished that we could pack up and go home. All of us apart from John Lennon. I think that meeting Paul had whetted his appetite and by the time we went on stage for our session at 8:45 he looked refreshed and seemed to have a new sparkle, as though he had had an injection of renewed optimism and enthusiasm as he played and sang through our usual repertoire that evening. […] I went outside for some air and a smoke; John and Pete decided to come with me. We stood outside pulling on our cigarettes, enjoying the breeze that had risen with the oncoming storm. “Do you know, John,” remarked Pete as we stood outside, “I’ve never heard you sound as good as you did just then. I know you’re going to say that I’m not very musical but I could hear the difference. I can see that something’s happened to you. Even the skiffle numbers which I know you’re not that keen on sounded good. You seem to have put more effort into them.” “Pete’s right, John. I couldn’t help noticing it as well,” I said. John was silent for a few minutes, just enjoying his smoke. “I guess someone took the trouble to share what he knew with me and it’s just given me a little encouragement for the future, that’s all.” “Oh I see, you’re getting a little sentimental in your old age, aren’t you,” joked Pete, who had never seen his life-long friend in that light before. “Don’t be thick, Pete,” replied John, who seemed almost back to his normal abrupt self. “Come on, I need a drink.”” — Len Garry, John, Paul and Me: Before The Beatles. (1997) [x]

[x]

Paul's persistence and endless patience for John while he was dealing with the death of his mother Julia:

But Paul seemed to have limitless patience for John, sneaking away from his classes to drink coffee at the Jacaranda coffeehouse, or else spend the afternoon nursing pints and punching rock ‘n’ roll songs on the jukebox at Ye Cracke pub. Certainly, Paul preferred hanging out with his friend to grinding through lectures and assignments at his schoolboy’s desk at the Liverpool Institute. But the hours they spent together held an emotional significance, too. For even if they rarely spoke about the pain of losing their mothers, the mutual feelings of loss—and the rawness of John’s wound—gave them a connection that was as vital as it was unspoken. It was, Paul said later, a “special bond for us, something of ours, a special thing.” … “We could look at each other,” Paul said, “and know.”” 

…

John, however, had other things on his mind. Though the fall of 1958 and well into 1959, John was far too busy engaging in art-school life—if not exactly his studies—to think much about playing in a rock ‘n’ roll band. He had started dating another student, a quiet blonde from the relatively posh Hoylake district on the Wirral, named Cynthia Powell. She proved a warm, stabilizing influence, which helped mitigate John’s ongoing grief and rage.

He had also grown particularly close to one of the school’s most promising students, a blazingly talented painter named Stuart Sutcliffe, whose emotional portraits and densely wrought abstracts had already caught the eye of the university’s instructors, along with the gallery owners, artists and critics who orbited the bohemian section that bordered the campus. John had been drawn to Stu’s talent, too, and when his classmate invited John to move into his large, if downtrodden, flat around the corner from the college in a row of once-elegant homes on Gambier Terrace, the two art students became even closer. The flat became a hub for their college friends, a reliable address for drinking bouts and all-night parties.

 Nevertheless, Paul made certain not to be a stranger. He was a regular around Gambier Terrace, often toting his guitar to spur a little playing and singing, and if circumstance permitted, a bit of songwriting. John remained an eager music fan, and generally enthusiastic partner for playing and singing. But his disinterest in the band, prompted at least in part by his deepening friendship with Stu, frustrated Paul. 

…

John was moving on, and not in a promising direction. George, for his part, had grown sick of waiting and joined the jazz-and-skiffle centered Les Stewart Quartet, though he made it clear to Paul he’d be back with the Quarrymen whenever they resumed playing. Paul, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in playing with anyone else. For whatever combination of emotional or visceral reasons, he couldn’t seem to imagine a musical life that didn’t include John Lennon as his primary partner.

So he persisted, dragging his guitar to Gambier Terrace, making himself a fixture amid the empty beer bottles, overflowing ashtrays, shattered Vicks inhalers, and paint-splattered clothes.

If John didn’t evince any interest in being in a band, Paul would simply wait, guitar at the ready, until he did.

— Peter Ames Carlin, Paul McCartney: A Life [x]

[gilverrwrites]

Hellooo, I hope ur doing well ;) Can I request Bruce Wayne/Batman for the headcanon meme ? I know this is a lot and I apologise in advance lol, but I’m genuinely so interested about your takes on Bruce 🫶🏼 Hi anon, I hope you don't mind but I'm posting this as a text post so I can add a read more to it. Thank you so much for the ask, I'm honored that you're curious my HCs. Again thank you, and have a super rest of your day! 💖💖💖

• what religion are they? how do they practice? Canonically, I believe he was raised catholic, and identifies as an atheist because if there was an all knowing God, why would he let Gotham exist as it is?

But I’ve always had trouble rationalising religion in comics. I’m also an atheist but if I’d met/knew Gods literally walked the Earth (Zeus for example) I would be having a crisis of faith. Pretty sure Superman once met the Christian God? Bruce clearly has a stronger sense of belief than I.  

So, practice wise; Growing up would be church on Sundays, grace before dinner. Nightly prayers. Once his parents had passed, while Bruce would be questioning his faith, I don’t think Alfred would have enforced such things if Bruce didn’t want to continue practicing.

• what holidays do they decorate for? For the longest time he didn’t decorate for any. Alfred decorated at least for Christmas every year, but Bruce stopped noticing once he became Batman.

It wasn’t until a young Dick mentioned he’d never been trick or treating that Bruce started to put the effort in. That year Dick had the best Robin Hood costume, Bruce dressed as Little John, and Alfred as Friar Tuck. Not only did Dick get to go trick or treating, but Bruce and Alfred decked out the front yard for any local kids too.

When thanksgiving rolled around, Alfred was delighted that Bruce seemed to care about it again, having gone out to buy new centre pieces. And that year was the first year since he was child that Bruce helped put up the Christmas decorations.

Every year he tried to one up the last, however, his presence on the day dwindles until Dick goes off to college and Bruce’s motivation to care about such frivolous things while Gotham needs him is gone. But this exact process repeats with every adopted child until there’s always somebody home, be they young and living with him or old and visiting.

• what clubs / sports were they involved in as a child / teenager When he dropped out of school, that also meant quitting any clubs and sports. The lack of team sports is probably a contributing factor to his inability to communicate well with others outside of strategy. However, prior to that he was a Cub Scout, as well as tennis and fencing (fuckin’ Rich kids).

Post homeschool (much like in the Gotham TV show) Alfred ensured Bruce was still doing outdoorsy activities; camping, hiking, learning survival skills. As well as Bruce insisting on multiple forms of combat training. He continued fencing.

• do they take any medications? No. That’s not to say he shouldn’t be on medication, he just doesn’t. Hard to speak to a professional when you can only tell them half of your life.

He does however take daily vitamins along with his protein, creatine etc. If he’s not taking supplements, Alfred is sneaking them into his food. He eats nothing but protein, gotta make sure he’s getting his nutrients somewhere.

• do they watch the olympics? do they prefer summer or winter Rarely has the time. But if and when he does sit down to watch I’d say his preferred watches are; tennis, fencing, boxing, and judo. Sports that mean something to him. For that reason he also prefers the summer games over winter.

• what are they like when they're sick? Nightmare. Alfred is a saint for putting up with it, honestly. That WFA comic where he’s trying desperately to get back to work whilest injured is 100% accurate to my imaginings. Even when he’s too sick to move, he’s still thinking up ways he can sneak out of bed, wondering if he should build a batlaptop for these sorts of occasions.

Crime is never sick; therefore Batman can’t be sick!

• what do they usually buy in a gift shop? It varies from place to place but typically:

Fridge magnet and/or some other small kitchen accessories for Alfred.

Stationary for Damian.

Preferably a cola drink, but if not a snack for Tim. He’s specifically looking for decorative packaging that can be saved. [See this Tim HC]

Pin badges for Babs.

Postcards for Dick.

An oversized hoodie for Cass. Black only.

An oversized hoodie for Steph. Tacky only.

Keying for Jason.

Puzzles or decorative decks of playing cards. (Duke is into tabletop card games, Bruce thinks they’re the same thing)

A coffee mug for himself.

• what color was their childhood bedroom? Blue, and it’s still blue but a lot of the furniture has changed. Can’t sleep in a kids bed forever.

Most of the new furniture is sleek, modern looking and black. He likes the gothic style, but this is where he often brings his dates/hook up, and the minimalist style suits his image better.

The old bed, desk, toy box etc haven’t been thrown out or anything, they’ve been used by most of his family as they’ve grown up and are currently in Damian’s room. Everyone who has used the desk (B included) has carved their their initials on the underside of it.

• what does a typical day off work look like for them? A day off? What’s that? Seriously, even if he’s not being Batman, he’s being Brucie, Mr Wayne, Matches, or Dad or even just working out.

On the rare, rare, rare occasions he’s not doing any of those things, the first thing he does is sleep in. He probably needs to sleep for 5 days straight, but he’ll only sleep until 10/11ish.

By now he’s missed breakfast (which is served from 8-9), so he’s latching onto the first person to pick up the phone and taking them out for brunch. By now he’s already itching to get back in the cave, and to thwart this he forces himself to stay in the city; go to a museum, walk in that park, visit a friend, go shopping for (another) new watch, anything but return home.

Will surprise Damian by picking him up from school. Damian, as he gets older externally complains and cringes more and more, but he loves it.

When they get home, he becomes a nuisance until dinner, offering help to everyone with anything to distract himself. It’s appreciated but nobody needs help with homework or housework.

After dinner is the home stretch, and the easiest part. He gathers as many people as he can in the family room for films or games, and by the time they’re done it’s bedtime.

He’s in the batcave at midnight.

• how many pillows do they sleep with? One. He has at least ten in the bed, every night she shifts all but his favourite to the floor, and every morning Alfred makes the bed and puts them all back and arranges them perfectly.

• what's their least favorite chore? He rarely does chores, but Alfred must have time off. The first time he took a week off since Bruce became Batman was the first time he realised the impracticality of having a CAVE! So much sweeping and dusting and everything smells damp, he has no idea how Alfred keeps it liveable because after 2 days Bruce was overwhelmed and ready to risk it all by moving everything upstairs.

• how often do they do their laundry? He doesn’t. If Alfred isn’t available, he’s been specifically instructed to take anything that needs cleaning to the dry cleaners. Not because he’s incapable of doing laundry, he’s not completely inept at doing normal things. He just thinks he can do it better. Which often results in the washer-dryer being ‘upgraded’ in ways that nobody ever needs, and Alfred hates it.

• what is their favorite wine / liquor? Prefers wine to spirits, specifically red. Or better yet, champagne.

When he does drink spirits he leans towards brandy, the same kind that his mother would drink.

• what is their favorite scent of candle? Citrusy, fresh scents. Something strong that pierced the musty smell of the Batcave or the damp of the city. Sage & citrus, lemon lime, maybe even mint cucumber.

• what's their guilty pleasure tv show? Again, he rarely watches TV. But I think at least once while on ordered bed rest he ‘accidentally’ watched every season of the Kardashian’s. He 'hated' every second.

He’s assigned all of his children a Kardashian and keeps up to date with every episode, just as a person who hates the show would do. He will never tell anyone else.

Tim knows. Bruce knows that Tim knows but they’ve never discussed it. Tim has never seen a single episode, but he’s seen memes, and will quote them in front of people to make Bruce sweat.

• have they ever done volunteer work? Bruce is a known philanthropist. The Wayne Foundation is a non-profit which primary cause is funding charities, hospitals, medical research, urban renewal, etc.

He puts a lot of money into The Wayne Hospital (or whatever its called dependant on the media). He also funds a lot of youth centres, and rehabilitation centres.

But as for actual hands-on charity work, no. It anything it would cause more harm than good.

Could you imagine being homeless, starving, at your lowest, and when you arrive there’s fucking media vans and photographers everywhere, cataloguing your worst? And then inside, the herald prince of the city that has screwed you over, billionaire Brucie Wayne is serving you ladles of dirt-cheap slop? You'd be mortified, pissed.

• do they listen to music or watch tv more often? Definitely music. TV is time consuming; music is easier to multi-task. I don't think he listens to much of anything other than classical and meditative music. Maybe some kind of classic rock workout playlist on Spotify that Babs occasionally hacks into and keeps adding back-to-back plays of Black Betty. Bruce gets so into his workouts that he doesn't notice until one day he realises he's done a 2-hour cardio session and Black Betty has been playing the entire time.

• do they watch the superbowl even if they aren't into football? Not into football and barely has the time. However, when it's football season, the men (and some women) in his social circles go crazy for it, so he keeps up with the matches through news reports and tries to watch the final, Batman missions permitting.

(Psst. I'm from the UK and know nothing about American football. I presume the Superbowl is preceded by a series of tournament matches like euro football (soccer) is?)

• do they collect anything? Children

Watches, and cars. Later in life, he's fixed on these things a lot more, because he's been collecting them for so long. But they started purely as a way to fit in with his high society peers. To make him appear more normal.

Imagine that scene in American Psycho where they're comparing busisness cards, but it's Gotham’s richest competing over who has the latest watch, the nicest vintage car etc. Now that he knows what he likes he's more focused in on those; he like vintage European watches and American cars.

I also love the idea that Dick once bought him an ugly novelty tie (completely earnestly) on like his second Christmas at the Manor, and that quickly became a tradition. Every year he gets a new tie, the most hideous the kids can find, and the following year, Bruce wears it during Christmas dinner.

• what hill are they willing to die on? Mint is the superior dessert flavour, milkshakes, ice cream, Oreos, coffee syrups. Dark chocolate and mint = peak.

[atmilliways]

On the 10th day of Dethmas this writer gives to thee…

Dec 22 - Metalocalypse but it's a cheesy Hallmark holiday movie

He’s a big city notary, only in town to clean out his deceased grandparents’ condo.

He’s a small-town metalhead pot dealer/part time taxi service with no one to hang out with for the holidays.

Is it fate, or is it Christmas?

Chapter one of a Murderface/Pickles, what-if-Dethklok-never-happened AU. I went heavy on Pickles' accent for this and I refuse to apologize for my crimes.

~

Deck The Halls With Ughs & F*ck Yous

When you boiled it down to the bare essentials, the first half of the letter basically said, “Merry Christmas, your grandparents are dead.” 

Which, William felt, was kind of nice of the lawyer writing to him. He hadn’t liked his grandparents particularly much, for all that they’d raised him ever since the unfortunate murder-suicide that had claimed his parents. Everything he’d accomplished in life had been in spite of them. They’d wanted him to be a hubcap salesman like his grandfather; he’d gotten his notary license and done just fine. They’d wanted him to stay in the same kind of podunk towns they always lived in; he’d gone to the big city and landed a steady career notarizing deeds and titles for a huge real estate company. All they’d done was yell at him to make sure was still alive for seventeen years. Anyone could have done that. 

It was the second half of the letter that was the problem. Apparently they’d had no money to leave him, just all the crap in a condo that needed to be emptied out by the end of the year so the next owners could move in. If he didn’t, there would be a ridiculously large fine due of some truly idiotic wording in the lease they’d signed. 

A quick check online told him it would be cheaper to just fly out to this . . . Tomahawk, Wisconsin, throw all the shit in a dumpster, and be done with it. He had a couple weeks of vacation time coming up anyway, with Christmas and New Years, and no particular plans. Why not go? Maybe it would be . . . cathartic or something. 

William sighed and reached to grab a credit card from his wallet. So much for a quiet Christmas to himself, holed up in his  blissfully undecorated apartment with takeout from one of the best sushi places in the entire city. 

~

Tomahawk was pretty much what he expected. Once he made it out of the four-gate airport with a baggage claim so slow that it might have been faster to  walk  instead of fly, it turned out there wasn’t even a taxi queue. He had to go back inside and call one himself. And it wasn’t so much a taxi service as something called “Pickles Cab” scratched in above the payphone.

As long as it had wheels and knew how to find the address, he didn’t much care. The dispatch guy had seemed kinda stoned on the phone, but hey, William figured, that just meant he might be able to find some to buy in the area. 

The car was easy to spot because it was the only non-white thing moving in the snow-caked parking lot. William eyed the shitty old Vista Cruiser in shades of drab green, rust, and beat-to-shit wood paneling skeptically as it pulled up to the loading zone curb at an angle that was, frankly, terrible. The driver put it in park and popped out the driver’s side door with the engine still running, spewing thick steam out of the tailpipe in the frigid air. 

“Hey dood, welcome to Wiscahnsin,” the guy called, waving. “Abandon hope all ye to enter here, heh.” He smirked. William recognized his voice as the person he’d talked to on the phone.

“Uh . . . hi,” William replied awkwardly, hefting his two suitcases, 

“Trunks open. Lemme get it fer ya.” The driver hurried around to the back of the car and opened it for William to toss the suitcases in. He had a shock of red hair trying to escape from his black beanie in all directions, and park-job aside seemed slightly less stoned in person than he sounded. “Wanna sit up front? It’s warmer up here, I’ve had the heat blastin’ all the way here . . . uh, just let me clear some shit out first.”

‘Some shit’ seemed to be a lot of empty bottles and cans and snack wrappers, but William waited patiently because it’s not like this place had any actual taxis he could call instead. When he did climb in and buckle his seatbelt, at least it was warm, as promised, even if it did smell like pot and stale beer. 

The driver popped back in, stripped the glove off one hand, and rubbed at his nose above a vivid red goatee before grabbing the wheel, “Okey, here we go. I’m Pickles, what’s yer name?”

“William Murderfasche,” William replied. What kind of a name was Pickles? But . . . it did explain the name of the ‘cab’ company. 

“Murderface, that’s a fuckin’ cool name. Mind if I just call ya that?”

“. . . Sure.”

“Cool. So dood, Murderface, where to?”

William gave him the address. The car pulled away from the airport with a jerk and he stared out the window at passing snow banks and white-shrouded trees, starting to sink into all his misgivings about the decision to come out here. There was a certain smell that developed anywhere his grandparents inhabited for long enough that he hadn’t realized until moving out on his own kept him in a near-constant state of upset stomach. 

“Hope ya don’t mind there ain’t no radio,” Pickles told him companionably, not appearing to mind when William didn’t react. “Tape deck’s broken too. . . . I’m tryin’ ta save up the money to fix it by givin’ people rides and shit. And doin’ some other stuff too, but don’t tell the cops, heh. All the local stations are pretty much shit anywey, all they’re playin’ right now is fuckin’ Christmas songs.”

“Hm,” William agreed. 

“What kinda music you listen to?”

“Hm. Uh, what? Oh, schorry. Moschtly metal, I guessch.” He shrugged, shaking himself out of the funk he’d been about to sink into. Usually he would prefer to just be left to his own thoughts, but right now the chit chat was actually a welcome distraction. “It’sch good background muschic for conschentrating on not thinking.”

“Hey dood, me too!” In his enthusiasm, Pickles gunned the engine and sent the car into a brief skid on the wintery road, but corrected it with an ease that spoke to lots of practice. “There’s naht much of a metal scene here, fuckin’ sucks. What else am I supposed to get fucked up to, huh? People jest don’t get that. Is it any better where you live?”

William, braced for impact as he now was and would probably remain for the rest of the ride, shrugged again. “I don’t know. I moschtly keep to myschelf, but there are plenty of schtoresch that have deschent schtuff, if you’re willing to schort through all the other crap.”

“Well, cool. Hey if you wanna hang out at all while yer here, I got a pretty good collection on vinyl. Y’know, if you don’t have family shit to do. I’m avoiding mine due to sort of a . . . landlord tenant dispute. They won’t let me put a lock on the house-door to my basement-room, so I’ve got it barricaded and stopped payin’ rent, and now Mahm won’t let me eat anything she cooks. But it’s cool, I’ve gaht an exterior door so I can still get in’n out.”

It took a moment to digest all that, but William noted the invitation with the tentative optimism of a guy who’d moved a lot as a kid but never quite gotten the hang of making friends as a survival method. 

But he was only planning to be in town for a few days, get the condo cleaned out ASAP, and go home, never to return. Not a lot of point in making friends. 

“Thanksch, but I probably won’t have time.” He wasn’t looking directly at Pickles, but he saw the driver’s smile drop a few watts out of the corner of his eye. Feeling bad for the guy, he quickly added, “Schoundsch like you’ve got a pretty good schet-up, though.”

“Eh . . . it’s alright.”

The conversation petered out after that, and William had no idea how to get it going again. He’d always been shit at this sort of thing. Looking back, it was probably a miracle that he’d stuck through high school long enough to graduate, having alienated, avoided, or accidentally insulted enough of his peers that virtually no one on campus had ever willingly spoken to him. The only social group he’d ever successfully infiltrated was the lunchtime stoners that hung out in the park across the street, and that was because they’d mostly just sat around passing joints, trying to blow smoke rings, and napping before having to face sixth period. 

Eventually Pickles put his turn signal on and announced, "Here we go, Christmas Mountain Avenue. Sheesh, that's a little on the nose, huh?"

Privately William agreed, but awkwardly swallowed the chuckle before it could make itself heard. As they pulled up in front of the building, he peered out the window at the gray, shitty condo building and felt his lip curl. Fuck, there was a fridge in there full of rotting food and cans of condensed milk that he was going to have to deal with somewhere in there, he just knew it. 

“Is this where yer staying?” Pickles asked dubiously. 

“No,” William said with a shudder. “Thisch isch juscht the . . . family schit I’m here to deal with. My grandparentsch died and I have to clean out their plache by the end of the month.”

“Ooh.” Scratching thoughtfully at his goatee, he leaned forward to get a better look at the building. “. . . You know, the nearest motel is a ten minute walk and it’s gettin’ dark soon. Yer gonna want a ride, prahbably.”

William blinked. “Oh. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Pickles made a show of looking thoughtful. “So . . . want any help? I gaht reeeeal reasonable rates.”

“Well. . . .”

“And I’ve gaht weed, too,” he added. 

“Done,” William said immediately. 

Well. At least the ordeal would probably be over with sooner this way, and also a lot less horrible with something to blunt the edges (and cover the Smell).

[birdlord]

Everything I Watched in 2020

We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list. 

01 Little Women (19)

02 The Post (17) 

03 Molly’s Game (17)

04 * Doctor No (62)

05 Groundhog Day (93)

06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)

07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)

08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)

09 Les Miserables (98)

10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain

11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)

12 Marriage Story (19)

13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)

14 Jojo Rabbit (19)

15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!

16 1917 (19)

17 Married to the Mob (88)

18 Klaus (19)

19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak

20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)

21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)

22 Gone With the Wind (39)

23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)

24 Dredd (12)

25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it

26 The Long Shot (19)

27 Out of Africa (85)

28 King Kong (46)

29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)

30 Knocked Up (07)

31 Collateral (04)

32 Bird on a Wire (90)

33 The Black Dahlia (05)

34 Long Time Running (17)

35 *Magic Mike (12)

36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)

37 Cold War (18)

38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.

39 *Burn After Reading (08)

40 Last Holiday (50)

41 Fly Away Home (96)

42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??

43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending

44 *Safe (95)

45 Gimme Shelter (70)

46 The Daytrippers (96)

47 Experiment in Terror (62)

48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)

49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on. 

50 Divorce Italian Style (61)

51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park

52 Hopscotch (80)

53 Brief Encounter (45)

54 Hud (63)

55 Ocean’s 8 (18)

56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)

57 Blow the Man Down (19)

58 Constantine (05)

59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!

60 Everyday People (04)

61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)

62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)

63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.

64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)

65 *The Truman Show (98)

66 Mona Lisa (86)

67 The Blob (58)

68 The Guard (11)

69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard

70 Rocketman (19)

71 Outside In (18)

72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade

73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)

74 The Reader (08)

75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE

76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith

77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at

78 The Rainmaker (97)

79 *Batman & Robin (97)

80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!

81 *Mystic Pizza (88)

82 Funny Girl (68)

83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)

84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??

85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch

86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020

87 *Blood Simple (85)

88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)

89 The Accidental Tourist (88)

90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!

91 Appaloosa (08)

92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020

93 *Almost Famous (00)

94 Whisper of the Heart (95)

95 Da 5 Bloods (20)

96 Rain Man (88)

97 True Stories (86)

98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!

99 *The Big Chill (83)

100 The Way We Were (73)

101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...

102 Phantasm (79)

103 The Burrowers (08)

104 New Jack City (91)

105 The Vanishing (88)

106 Sisters (72)

107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here

108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)

109 Les Diaboliques (55)

110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T

111 Death Line (72)

112 Cranes are Flying (57)

113 Holes (03)

114 *Lady Vengeance (05)

115 Long Weekend (78)

116 Body Double (84)

117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.

118 Waterlilies (07)

119 *You’re Next (11)

120 Event Horizon (97)

121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!

122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call

123 *Blade Runner (82)

124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from

125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic

126 Life is Sweet (90)

127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)

128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)

129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!

130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)

131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)

132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married 

133 Better Watch Out (16)

134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there

135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)

136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled. 

137 Blackkklansman (18)

138 Being Frank (19)

139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)

140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS

141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!

142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!

143 We’re the Millers (13)

144 All is Bright (13)

145 Defending Your Life (91)

146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year. 

147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)

148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY

149 Palm Springs (20)

150 Happiest Season (20)

151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie

152 Black Christmas (74)

THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)

I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough. 

TV Series

01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).

02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?

03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock. 

04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives. 

05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end. 

06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!

07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting. 

08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**

09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!

10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening. 

11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux. 

12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed. 

13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be! 

14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.

[hyperion-huntress]

Holiday in Handcuffs

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3358268#main

Pairing: Destiel

Words: 6160

Tags: AU, fluff, artist!Cas, kidnapping, Christmas time, mistletoe kisses.

Rating: General Audiences 

Summary: 

When the mystery man came out and went to walk past Castiel his eyes widened when Castiel stepped in the way.

“Can I help you?”

Castiel almost felt bad as he pulled the coat back enough to show the end of the gun. “You’re going to come with me. Peacefully and quietly, or I’ll shoot you.”

The man didn’t looked scared at all as he looked from the gun to Castiel’s face, just calm, and for a moment Castiel was terrified he wouldn’t listen but then he gave a slight nod and walked to the doors.

Tuesday was when things began to fall apart, at work he had several different people yell at him for bringing him the wrong thing even though he’s sure two of the people did order it then just didn’t like it. He had went home to find out that his ancient microwave finally hit the dust. After eating his cold, three day old Chinese take out he decided to finally try to finish his painting.

He almost did too, he was just adding the final finishing touches of dark gray and light green when he tripped and sent his paint right into the middle of his canvas. In the scramble to get it off with the least damage possible he ended up tripping a second time and falling, the canvas getting torn in the process.

If Tuesday was bad, Wednesday was downright awful. He had went to talk to the local gallery about putting some of his work in but was denied because his landscape work didn’t fit in with the other, mostly unrealistic, pieces they were featuring. At work he dropped hot soup on himself and burned a large portion of his arms and chest. Not to mention the moment he finished putting on his new shirt his brother called him to remind him about Christmas at the family cabin.

“You won’t be late again this year, will you?”

Castiel let out a large sigh as he leaned against the employees bathroom counter. “I’ll be on time. 7 PM, sharp.”

“That’s what you said last year. And Castiel?” Lucifer asked.

“What?” Castiel huffed, already irritated with his eldest brother.

“It’s 6.” He said dryly, going on before Castiel had a chance to respond. “And you’re bringing someone this year aren’t you? You usually don’t but we had hoped you finally met someone who… Can take care of you, this year.”

“I can take care of myself, Lucifer.” Castiel snapped out, pushing away from the counter sharply. “I don’t need anyone to support me.”

Lucifer gave him a long suffering sigh. “You’re a waiter, Castiel.”

“I’m also an artist.” He put in quickly as he left the bathroom, sick of his family ignoring it or referring to it as a childhood hobby he hadn’t grown out of yet.

“Anyways, you’re the only one of us who hasn’t brought anyone home. Mother and father are starting to get worried, you know. Not only that you won’t ever find anyone but that you’re, you know, hiding your sexuality from your family.”

“I’m bringing someone home.” Castiel said, just wanting to put an end to this as he looked around, eyes locking on a man. “But.. It is a man.” He said, waiting for a snide comment that never came.

“What’s his name?”

“You’ll find out with the rest of the family.” He stated as he watched the man walk across the room, headed past him and to the bathrooms.

“Honestly, Castiel-” And that’s when Castiel hung up, already knowing that the condescending tone would only leave him more angry.

Suddenly, he knew what he had to do and he took off the stupid elf hat the owner made them wear and went over to grab his coat, pulling the handgun out from the inside pocket and hiding it under his coat as he headed towards the bathroom.

When the mystery man came out and went to walk past Castiel his eyes widened when Castiel stepped in the way.

“Can I help you?”

Castiel almost felt bad as he pulled the coat back enough to show the end of the gun. “You’re going to come with me. Peacefully and quietly, or I’ll shoot you.”

The man didn’t looked scared at all as he looked from the gun to Castiel’s face, just calm, and for a moment Castiel was terrified he wouldn’t listen but then he gave a slight nod and walked to the doors.

Castiel followed, feeling like he was in a daze, miles away from the current situation. He was suddenly brought back when the man slipped on a patch of ice and came down on the ground with a harsh sound.

Holding his breath, Castiel leaned over him and once he saw he was simply passed out he pocketed the gun and threw it in his old rust bucket of a car with his coat before working the man into the passenger's seat.

Utilizing this time, he grabbed his tie and took it off, wrapping it around the man’s eyes as a blindfold for later. Once it was knotted in the back he went rummaging around for the gag gift his cousin Gabriel had given him for his last birthday.

He plucked the pink, fuzzy handcuffs up with a slight smile before putting them on his temporary victim. The rational part of him was yelling and telling him he couldn’t do this and to let him go. The larger part of him though was telling him that he could make this work and please his family for once in his life and after the few days at the cabin he could let the man go and everyone would go back to their normal lives.

Once Castiel had buckled the both of them in he began the two hour drive north to his family’s cabin, structures getting more and more scarce as he drove until there were only buildings every 15 or so minutes.

He had stopped an hour in to get gas and pick up some snacks when the man finally woke up, jerking as he tried to asses the situation.

Castiel looked over to him as he pulled out of the gas station. “Sorry.” Was the first thing out of his mouth.

“Sorry.” The man echoed, turning in his general direction. “What the hell is going on?”

“Here.” He said, reaching over and pulling at his tie until it dropped around the man’s neck. “Better?”

“Not really.” He said, staring at Castiel’ before looking out the window. “Are you taking me out in the middle of nowhere to kill me? You some sort of serial killer?”

Castiel frowned at him. “What? No. I just.. Listen, you’re going to come with me to my family’s cabin and pretend to be my boyfriend.” He explained simply.

The man just stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. “You’re fuckin’ crazy. I’ve been kidnapped by a psychopath.” He said, not able to believe it. “What the.. Why do you even think that would work? You do realize the minute we get to other people- wonderfully sane people- I’m going to tell them that you kidnapped me right?”

Castiel shifted, looking at him. “They won’t believe you, I have a plan already.”

The man pursed his lips as he shook his head again. “I could probably take you.” He said as he subtly sized the guy up. “Eventually I’ll overpower you.”

Castiel pulled his gun back out and pointed it at him. “Or I could shoot you.”

“You won’t shoot me.” The man stated just as a deer pranced across the road.

Castiel let out a shout as he went to swerve to the side the same time his hand dropped slightly and he pulled the trigger. He quickly looked over to the frozen man and followed his eyes, horrified when he saw his bullet embedded itself in the seat right below the man's crotch.

“I’m so sorry!” He exclaimed as he slammed the safety back on and put it away.

The pair were silent for the next 20 minutes of their trip before Castiel cleared his throat. “My name is Castiel. You can call me Cas. I uh.. Got chips, if you want any.” He offered.

The man denied even as his stomach growled loudly at the thought.

Castiel offered a slight, if forced, laugh as he handed him an unopened bag. “All yours.”

After another five minutes the man quietly opened the bag and ate a few chips before mumbling.

“What?”

“Dean. Names Dean.”

“Hello, Dean.”

He was met with grumbles and a glare as the man continued to eat.

10 minutes away, Castiel began to give him a rundown of his life and family and Dean reluctantly offered a few things about himself.

Once he was pulled up outside the cabin, half an hour away from any other buildings he began to pat Dean’s jacket and pants pocket.

“Hey! You don’t get to touch what you almost shot off!” He protested.

“Sorry, just looking for this.” Castiel said as he pulled the phone from him and shoved it in his pocket with his own before uncuffing him and taking his tie back. “I’ll be right back.” He said before running to the house.

Inside he found his mom and dad and came out as well as told them that his boyfriend, Dean, had a weird sense of humor where he just joked about being a kidnapped victim until everyone was sick of it in 2 minutes. Castiel could tell that they thought it was weird, but then again they thought he was weird too.

He ran back out of the house and into Dean who had been on the porch.

Castiel took Dean’s arm and pulled him in. “Mom, dad, this is my boyfriend, Dean. Dean, this is my mother and father.”

Dean gave him a look before launching into the story about how he got here. Castiel was more than relieved when his parents looked at each other before chuckling to themselves. “Love has a way of making you feel like that.” His father said and Dean turned to Castiel, smug look dropping off of his face.

The next 15 minutes was a whirlwind of greetings and forced hugs and handshakes and the entire time Castiel made sure to keep an eye on Dean.

After his brothers and sister and the people they brought were led away by his mother and father he turned to Dean. “Not so bad, right?”

“I hate you.” Was his reply as he glowered at Castiel.

“It’s only for a few days?” Castiel offered. “Then I can take you back to the diner and you can go on with your life.”

Dean snorted at that. “Are you serious? My brothers a lawyer, there’s no way you won’t be in jail at the end of this.”

Castiel never get the chance to reply as his mother came downstairs to retrieve them before putting them in a room together.

Once the door was shut, Castiel cleared his throat as they both stared at the single bed. “I know I kidnapped you but if it makes you uncomfortable I can bring a cot in here to sleep on.”

“Yeah, I’d love that. I’d also love if you let me go.” Dean replied, sitting on the bed.

Castiel awkwardly shuffled his feet before deciding to ignore the comment. “So, maybe we should get to know each other a little better?”

“Alright. I’m Dean Winchester, I’m an Aquarius, enjoy sunsets and long walks on the beach. I also like frisky women, emphasis on the women part.”

“You’re not straight, completely, at least.”

Dean stared at him with wide eyes a moment before scowling. “Why do you say that?”

“No need to get defensive.” Castiel sighed, sitting on the other end of the bed. “But in the diner? You checked out two guys.” He pointed out, watching as Dean lowered his head.

“I’m going to enjoy seeing you get arrested.” He bit out.

Dinner went by uneventfully after that, Castiel and Dean staying silent most of the time as they ate slowly. After dinner, the family members bid each other goodnight and Castiel got a cot into their room. He slept by the door as Dean took the bed.

In the morning, Castiel woke up first and, after a few moments, he woke Dean up as well. Which, of course, went awful like he had expected. He didn’t think it would be any better if Dean had woke up on his own, though.

They were still bickering 20 minutes later when his sister Anna came too get them for breakfast.

Dean brushed right past her and headed down. Anna gave Castiel a smile. “I don’t know how you got so lucky, he’s so handsome.” she complimented. “And to get him to come here.”

“I guess I didn’t really give him a choice.” He said before stumbling over his words. “To love me, of course.” He added quickly.

Anna gave a small giggle as she continued down the hall to get Lucifer and Michael and their respective wives.

He made his way into the kitchen just in time, it seemed.

“You slept in those?” His mother asked.

“We left his suitcase behind, with all the hustle and bustle.” Castiel supplied easily as he slipped in the room.

Dean shot him a displeased look as his mother tutted at them. “I’m sure we’ll be able to find something for you. Castiel has a tendency to wear clothes too big for him, anyways.”

And that’s how Dean found himself locked in the bathroom with a phone after lunch. He had gotten some clothes from Castiel but was sent to Lucifer and Michael to look for better fitting pants.

“You have a phone?” Dean asked, staring at the device on Michael’s dresser.

“I own a company, of course I wouldn’t be phoneless for 4 days. I turned in a fake to my mother.”

“Can I use it?” Dean asked, hopeful that this was his way out.

Michael picked it up and tossed it to him. “Five minutes. Don’t let anyone know, mother takes it very seriously.”

Dean was out and down the hallway in ten seconds flat.

Now, he listened the the ringing before a worried. “Hello?”

“Sammy! You have to help me.” Dean said, forcing himself to keep his voice down low.

“Dean, what’s wrong? You never called me back last night and you’re supposed to be here in an hour.”

“Listen, I was kidnapped and held at gunpoint and almost had my dick shot off last night. I’m maybe three hours north of moms house. I need you to get the police or something and get me out of here.” He rushed the last part as someone began banging on the door. “I’ve got to go Sam, but please hurry.” He pleaded as he ended the call and opened the door.

Castiel narrowed his eyes as he held out his hand. “Phone.”

Dean obediently dropped it in his palm, feeling a bit more cocky than he had since this entire thing began.

“You.. didn’t make a call did you?”

Dean just smirked at him before walking by. “Oh, and Castiel?” He said, turning to him with a smug look. “I’m gonna be the best damn boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

“Wait, what?” Castiel asked, blinking in surprise. “Why?”

“Because I want to make your family love me so when they find out all about this they’re even more disappointed with you.” Dean said, bitter about not being home with his own family. He gave him another smug smirk before turning and going to their room.

Castiel watched after him, accidentally letting out a whimper as the words registered with him.

A little bit after that they had put up a tree, his parents embarrassing him worse and worse as the minutes passed by.

“Castiel made this one when he was 7.” His father commented.

His mother let out a sigh as she took it and hung it up. “He was always so withdrawn as a child. Once, we paid a little girl to be his friend but two weeks later she gave the money back.”

“Mother!” Castiel groaned, dropping his head as she went on.

“It was always just you and your drawings. And Mr. Dinglebop.”

“Mr. Dinglebop?” Dean asked, not able to even hide his amusement. Or, not trying to at all to begin with.

“His imaginary friend.” His father added in, sighing heavily.

Dean grinned over at Castiel but it slowly began to fall as he saw how Castiel was retreating in on himself. As an older brother it was part of his job to realize how far you could push someone until it was too far and he could tell it was time to get out of this territory now.

He laid a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and gave him a warm smile when he looked up. “How about we go make some hot chocolate before we go to bed?”

Castiel nodded, relieved and Dean led him with a hand on his lower back to the kitchen.

“Sorry.. They aren’t exactly proud of me.” Castiel said as he pulled out things for hot chocolate.

Dean made a face as he got the cups down “Don’t say that. They’re your parents, they love you.”

“Not as much as they love Michael and Anna and Lucifer.” Castiel mumbled as he got out the mild.

He startled when Dean’s hand closed around his wrist and the milk splashed out and onto Dean’s shirt as he turned them so they were face to face. “Don’t say things like that.” He said, tone demanding him to listen, not even reacting to the spilled milk.

Castiel dropped his eyes to his wet shirt front and nodded.

Dean seemed to be pleased with that and let him go. Castiel set the milk on the kitchen island and watched as Dean easily took his shirt off and bunched it up.

Castiel let his eyes drift down, for the first time getting a good look at Dean’s chest and appreciating it a lot more than he probably should.

Watching him stare, Dean might have flexed a little bit as he twisted the shirt in his hands. “It’s only fair you give me your shirt.” He stated.

Blue eyes flew up to meet green, widening at the statement. “Why don’t you just get a new one?”

Dean smirked, leaning against the counter. “Because you want me to wear your clothes anyways.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and quickly removed his own shirt, throwing it at Dean. “I’ll go get a new one. You can make the cocoa.” He said, blushing at how Dean’s eyes roamed over him.

He turned and began to walk when Dean opened his mouth again.

“Are all your pants that low?” Castiel stumbled and turned to stare at him just to let his jaw drop when he found eyes tracing the v of his hips.

Turning, he fled the room and put on the baggiest shirt he owned, hoping Dean couldn’t find a reason to check his body out again.

He may have put off going back down for a few minutes. He fiddled with the sketchbook he had brought, flipping through it quickly twice before he sighed and put it back. Slowly, he walked back to the kitchen.

Castiel found Dean with two glasses and a bottle of hard liquor between them. “I uh… Just thought that maybe something stronger would be good for tonight.”

Moving forward with a small smile, Castiel nodded. “That sounds better, actually.” He said, sitting down as he took the glass Dean pushed towards him.

Dean watched as Castiel put the glass to his lips, downing it all in one go and setting the glass back down with a slight grimace. “You drink like you want to forget.” He commented.

Castiel glanced at Dean who just shrugged and said “I know what it’s like.” before downing the liquid in his own glass. They refilled and went on drinking as they talked. At first it was all meaningless small talk but at some point it became deeper.

“I just want them to feel proud of me, just once.” Castiel said miserably. That wouldn’t do, thought Dean. He reached over and settled a hand on Castiel’ shoulder in a form of comfort.

Castiel’s eyes rose to meet him and they were full of regret. “I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have brought you here. It was stupid, I was stupid.” He muttered, dropping his gaze to the half empty glass.

“Hey, Cas, look at me.” Dean said and waited for their eyes to meet again before going on. “I know I didn’t exactly have any choice on coming here, and I wish that I was with my own family, but… This isn’t all that bad.” He said, shifting.

Castiel looked up, eyes hopeful for the first time this day. “You really mean that? Like… You don’t hate it all?”

“Course not, you’re family is pretty cool once you get passed half them acting like they have sticks up their asses half the time.” Dean said, downing the rest of his drink. They were both well on their way to drunk at this point and starting to slur some of their words. “Besides, as stupid as it is, I’m really liking all your family traditions and.. and I might be starting to like even you.”

Castiel stared at him a long minute, not being able to process that. “You mean… You don’t hate me? Even after I almost shot your..” He motioned down to his lap.

Dean let out a loud laugh at that before clamping a hand over his mouth, not wanting to wake anyone up.

After that, the conversation became lighter as they talked about what they both enjoyed. They had a few more glasses before Castiel stood up to put the almost empty bottle back. He stumbled on the way, causing Dean to laugh more, doubling over and shaking his head as he watched.

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh back, finding it contagious. Finally, he calmed himself enough to nudge Dean and nod to the stairs. “We should go to bed.”

Dean nodded and stood, he wobbled in place a moment before tossing an arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “We can help each other walk.” He reasoned and Castiel had never heard a better idea as he wrapped an arm around Dean’s middle.

They made their way up the stairs, in now way, shape, or form, being quiet about it. They had to stop half way up when Castiel began to laugh after Dean had hit his toe and almost fell as he swore loudly.

Eventually, after much too long, they were in the room. Dean kicked the door closed and walked them to the bed. He held on tight even when Castiel’s tried to pull away to go to his cot.

“No, no, we have to walk together.” Dean had said.

“But I’ll have to walk back to my cot by myself.” Castiel said, confused by the idea.

Dean shook his head as he flopped down on the bed, taking Castiel with him. “Good thing this is big enough for two!”

Castiel let out a laugh as Dean turned enough to wrap his arms and legs around his. “Hey, hey, at least cover us up.” He protested with chuckles as he wrestled the blanket out from underneath them and flung it over, making sure they were both covered.

Dean hummed, giving Castiel a small squeeze. “Haven’t slept in the same bed with someone in forever. I missed it.” He admitted quietly, into Castiel’ hair.

Castiel let out a small content sigh, turning into Dean’s hold and laying an arm around his waist. “I know how you feel.” He said back in a quiet voice.

He laid there, ear pressed against Dean’s chest and listening to just his heartbeat and breathing for a while before his own eyes slid shut and he drifted off.

Dean, laid there a while longer just watching Castiel, mind void of any real thought processes before he also fell asleep.

The next day they didn't say anything when the woke up side by side. They just got up and began getting ready for the day.

It worked for the most part, at least until they went down for breakfast. They had been shuffling through the door when Anna pointed at them with a grin.

They looked at each other, confused, then back at Anna. All she did was grin and look up. Dread filled Castiel as he looked up, already knowing what he would see.

Above them was mistletoe. It was just hanging there in a cruel way, at least to his eyes. He was about to make an excuse about morning breath but he felt a hand on his cheek.

His eyes shot down to meet Dean’s and they widened when he was the soft smile on Dean’s face.

He felt another hand on his other cheek and then his face was being pulled forward. He closed his eyes automatically and then lips were on his and they were soft and warm and so, so wrong because Dean’s not even here of his own free will.

That didn’t stop him from kissing back though and he tilted his head when Dean began to tilt his the other way.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and Dean’s hands moved down, settling on each of his hips. They continued to kiss like that until a cleared throat made them startle away from each other.

Castiel stared wide-eyed at Dean in disbelief as a blush took over his face. Dean, on the other hand, just turned to see who had made the noise and grinned at Michael. “Sorry?”

Castiel turned fast enough to see Michael roll his eyes. Anna looked fairly pleased with herself and right then he knew his sister was the reason the mistletoe was there in the first place. Glancing to the other end of the table he could see Lucifer hiding an amused smirk behind his cup of coffee. If it was possible, Castiel’s face burned even brighter at that.

“Mother dragged the others out to pick up the last few things needed for dinner tonight.” Michael said as he stood up. “I think I’m going to go for a walk, now.” He said before leaving the room with carefully measured strides.

Dean dragged Castiel over to the table and sat him down before grabbing breakfast for the both of them. “I was thinking actually, you paint, right? Maybe we could go out for a winter picnic and you can get some nice landscapes down.”

Castiel stared at him, startled, before slowly nodding. “I.. Yes, Dean, that sounds pleasant.” He said, his hands fidgeting under the table, out of sight.

Dean smiled widely at him as he sat down with two plates of food and Castiel’s breath caught in his throat. Right then, he knew he was fucked.

Keen to keep his word, Dean packed a lunch and made sure they were bundled up before dragging Castiel out of the cabin with a canvas as well as a sketchpad and his case of various paints, pencils and pastels.

Castiel took him up to a secluded spot he had found as a kid and Dean spread out two blankets on a fallen log they had found. They ate in silence as Castiel began to look around, looking for just the right spot.

Dean seemed content to just eat and look out at the snow shining in the distance as Castiel began on his landscape sketch. Or, at least it started as a landscape drawing.

At some point Castiel had sketched Dean into it and then suddenly half of the space was just him and it was more like a portrait then. Castiel didn’t even realize it until he had colored the green of Dean’s eyes just right. He started when Dean broke the silence that had surrounded them the whole time.

“Can I see it?”

Castiel stared at him with wide eyes as he held it against his chest. “I..” He swallowed before nodding and holding it out to Dean.

He watched as Dean’s eyes widened and let it go easily when Dean took hold of it to bring it closer to his eyes for inspection. He waited guiltily for Dean to begin to lecture him about drawing him without his permission but then Dean just grinned over at Castiel and handed it back. “I like it, Cas.”

Castiel practically preened at the words, smiling brightly at him as he pulled it back and finished up the background. “We should probably head back, the suns going down.” He said softly.

“Probably.” Dean agreed, carefully nudging Castiel. “I’ll pose for you back at the cabin, okay?” He said and Castiel looked up to meet teasing eyes.

“Maybe I will make you be my model.” Castiel rolled his eyes fondly as he packed up. “You are very pretty, after all.” He said, patting his cheek before standing up.

Dean watched him a moment before grinning and getting up too, collecting the blankets before they began their journey through the thinning forest to the cabin.

They walked in the front door and began peeling off their damp clothing. They seemed to have good timing because just then Castiel’s father came out in a huge coat and let out a loud sigh when he saw them. “I was just about to come get you. Dinner will be ready in ten.” He said before he pulled off his huge coat.

“Let’s go get dressed.” Castiel said quietly, taking Dean’s hand and pulling him up the stairs to their room.

Castiel put his art supplies away and turned to go through the dresser he had filled with his clothes. He got an outfit and turned to change but froze when he saw Dean, however. He was shirtless and tugging his pants down and he turned to grab the pants he had put on his bed.

Dean looked up and saw Castiel staring, he grinned at him and winked. “Maybe we’ll save the nude modeling for after dinner?”

Castiel sputtered at that and turned away quickly, pulling his own clothes off and quickly trying to redress. This wasn’t anything like how the locker rooms at school were like, he mused to himself.

Dean grinned as he watched Castiel and let out a whistle, chuckling to himself when Castiel almost tripped in his rush to pull his pants on.

Castiel was dressed and out the door before Dean even had his pants on. He rushed down to the kitchen and offered to help but just got sent to grab the two bottles of wine from the storage spot in the garage portion there was.

He went and fetched the bottles and when he returned Dean was helping Anna set the table. After that it was all a blur of directions and being told where to sit by his mother before everything was set and dinner was deemed ready.

Lucifer and Michael were sat on one side of the table with their wives beside them. At both heads of the table where their parents and then Anna, Dean and Castiel sat across from his brothers and their wives.

His mother made a small religious speech and they all made a toast. Right as his father rose to cut the ham there was a loud bang and men charged into the house, guns raised.

Castiel felt his stomach drop as he realized they were police officers, shouting orders at them. After a moment a large man without a uniform fought his way through and grabbed Dean, dragging him out.

Castiel kept his head down as he heard yelling and orders but he just obediently put his hands behind his back when the officers began to arrest them. All of them, to Castiel’s horror.

Luckily on the way to the jail he rode in the back of a police car with Anna who seemed to be stunned into silence. Or too disgusted to talk to him. Castiel was hoping it was just the shock, though.

The next to hour seemed to pass by like minutes. Soon they were all back together in a cell and Michael was yelling at him about how he had managed to ruin Christmas and commit a crime at the same time.

No one stood up for him or even told Michael to quiet down so Castiel sat there and took it, staring at the ground. He always knew his family was better off without him and this was proving all those thoughts.

He tried to apologize once but a glare from Lucifer shut him back up. Worse than that, his mother was crying, asking what she had done to mess him up this bad. His father kept giving him disappointed looks, and Anna was ignoring him all together.

He wasn’t sure how long it had went on, it seemed like hours to him though. Eventually an officer returned and said the charges had been dropped. Everyone rushed out of the cell, to follow the other officer but Castiel made a sluggish exit, feeling like he would be safer behind the bars at this point.

It was stupid and selfish but Castiel kept looking around the police station, hoping to see Dean. He didn’t.

He went home after that to his broken toaster and lonely rooms, not daring to go get his things from the cabin just yet. He did go pick his car up from where the police had all of their cars towed.

A couple of weeks later Castiel was heading out of the restaurant and to his car. His entire body locked up in terror as a blindfold was suddenly tied around his eyes and a hand found his way over his mouth.

To his horror, Castiel felt himself begin to shake slightly as he let out a whimper.

“Shh..” The man hushed him, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s jaw.

Castiel knew he should have been terrified of that kiss but something about this just seemed so familiar.. and then it clicked. “Dean?” He asked but it came out muffled.

He had seemed to understand it because he pulled his hand back with a chuckle. “Hey, Cas.”

Castiel gasped and went to turn around but Dean stopped him and Castiel felt fur on both his wrists and he let out a huff of amusement. “Furry handcuffs?”

“I didn’t make fun of you for using it.” Dean said as he began to lead him.

Castiel walked, frowning slightly when it felt like he had walked at least a block. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” Was Dean’s response as he ran a hand down his arm. “This is my revenge and I can do what I want.” He stated.

Castiel felt his heart sink all over again. “I’m sorry for what I did, Dean.” He said in a defeated voice.

He was suddenly pulled to a stop and turned around by Dean. “Don’t be.” He said simply and then there were soft lips on him and it felt so right but wrong all over again.

Before Castiel had the chance to kiss back Dean pulled away and pulled the blindfold away. Castiel squinted as his eyes were suddenly assaulted with light again. He blinked a few times then looked around in amazement.

They were in a gazebo and there were lights hanging inside the entirety of the structure. Castiel looked back to Dean with wide eyes. “Where.. Where are we?” He asked softly.

Dean grinned at him and moved closer, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist. “Back of the art gallery. I have another surprise late.” He said, smiling softly as he began to sway them back and forth, dancing without music.

Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck and, moved with him, biting his lip lightly. “I don’t… I don’t understand. I kidnapped you.”

“Yeah, well… You made me like you too so you only have yourself to blame.” Dean teased softly, leaning in and kissing his cheek.

Castiel watched him with soft eyes a moment before leaning in and kissing Dean softly. They shared chaste kisses as they swayed together for a while before Dean pulled away and took his hand, tugging up up to the art gallery doors. Castiel laughed at Dean’s excitement all they way until he suddenly stopped.

Castiel looked up, quieting as he met Dean’s eyes. Dean was looking at him expectantly and a moment later he understood why.

His picture. Hanging up. His work of art in an art gallery. His landscape-turned-portrait of Dean in an art gallery.

It was overwhelming, seeing something he had made up there and he felt himself tear up. He had tried to get some of his other pieces into shows before but was always denied and now… He felt like a real artist for the first time in a long time, he felt that his family was wrong about him. “Dean.. There’s no way I can repay you for this.” He whispered.

“Sure there is!” Dean said cheerily, smiling as he pulled Castiel into his side. “Go on a date with me.”

Castiel tore his eyes from the wall and looked up at Dean in shock. After a moment he gave Dean a shy smile and nodded. “Okay.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #282

“daddy’s flown across the ocean / leaving just a memory / a snapshot in the family album / daddy, what’d you leave behind for me?”

What is your favorite type of dance? I like modern dances, especially those unusual or creepy with unique music. They’re the dances I look forward to watching in dance competitions. Do you find making scenes in public fun? Oh fuck no. Lemonade or pink lemonade? Pink is Supreme in so many ways. Where do you feel safest? At home, especially if Mom is here. Have you ever been to a gay pride parade? No, but I’d love to. Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country? No. I don’t want to move to Africa. What do you like to do when you're home alone? HAHA okay so I almost exclusively watch Unus Annus when Mom isn’t home because I will almost without a doubt cackle at least once, and… explaining why I’d be laughing would be WILD. UA is a fucking gift & I’mma miss it when it’s gone. What kind of music calms you down? My best bet is nostalgic music that I hold very close, like Ozzy. The soundtracks to SotC and SH2 are also magical when it comes to soothing me. Who did you last go to a park with? Uhhhh… probably not since I took family pictures for someone. Got some nice ones. Have you ever been robbed? Thankfully, no. Are you working, a student, both, or neither? Neither, and at nearly 25, it’s fucking humiliating. I’m thinking of appealing my disability case (you very rarely get it the first time), but of course self-doubt and anxiety just slaps me across the face again and again by asking, “Do you really need it?” That shit is agonizing. Very highly regarded people in my life agree that it’s realistic for me, at least at this moment, while I sort out my mental health. I don’t plan on being on it forever, fuck no. But right now I am, no matter what anyone says, a leech in my home. What's your favorite holiday? Christmas. I prefer Halloween’s “vibe,” of course, but I am much more excited and just thankful at Christmastime, especially now as an aunt with children who *understand* the holiday. Their joy and excitement is enough of a gift to me. It’s always really hard on Mom because she’s convinced she doesn’t do enough (she cries at least once like… every year), but my sisters and I always reassure her. It’s also a nice opportunity to see Dad and my stepmom, also with my sister’s family, and once again we get to see the kids so happy. But enough about them; what I love most about Christmas is I generally am able to put my troubles into perspective and take the time to remember I am, in the big picture, lucky to have what and who I do. And SNOW!!!!! If you can’t tell I’m stoked for Christmas. Do you prefer male or female friends? Both are great, but I’m more relaxed with female friends because of the whole “scared of men” ordeal. What's your favorite dessert? Biiiiihhhhh lemme get my hands on ice cream. Do you ever go on chatroulette or omegle? Noooo, I never did. That shit creeps me out. Besides, I’m shy. What kind of tea do you drink? None. Do you know anyone in a gang? Not to my knowledge… What color is your fridge? White. We decided to use the fridge already in this house versus our old one. Is your phone mostly on vibrate, silent, or ringtone? It’s just about always on vibrate. Do you own black sunglasses? I don’t own any sunglasses. Are you currently looking for a job? Fuck if I know. Not actively, but if something suitable magically popped up, I’d definitely pursue it. Do you watch MTV? No. Do you like to tell people who you like? Historically, I tend to keep my mouth shut about it to people who know that love interest unless explicitly asked, and even then, it depends on if I think they’ll keep their mouth shut. How often do you braid your hair? It’s too short to be braided. I very rarely had it braided beforehand. What color is your microwave? Black. Do you wash your face in the morning when you wake up? If I remember, especially if I’m groggy. Are you interested in the ocean? No more or no less than the average person. What's a big turn on for you? Keeping physical stuff outta this, I’m just such a fuckin sucker for being authentically romantic lmao. Have you ever thought about being a teacher? Heeeeeelllllll no. What's the first thing you do when you turn your computer on? Close out of the stuff that automatically pops up after it starts. Do you drink Gatorade? Ugh, ew, no. Do you hate when people replace 0's with O's? EX: 9:OO AM. Lol no, it’s honestly aesthetically pleasing in some formats. Did you hate riding the bus? Some of my best school memories are the long bus rides home w/ Jason so uh- Do you ever use XOXO in texts, letters etc..? Nah. Has anyone ever told you they liked you to your face? Yeah. Have you ever touched an elephant? No. Reading or writing? Writing. Do you have a childhood nickname? Mom called (and sometimes still does lakjdf;alkwe) me “Twinkie.” She gave sweets-oriented nicknames to all her kids. Have you ever had a Moon Pie? UGH they’re gross. I have this faint memory as a kid of a sweetheart babysitter my sisters and I had always offering us banana moon pies as a snack or dessert, idr. I’ve always hated anything banana-flavored. Has your car ever had troubles? N/A What's your birthstone? Amethyst. Would you join the navy? I want nothing to do with anything remotely related to war. What's your favorite board game? Battleship. Do you like chess? I’ve never played it nor even know the rules. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I was absolutely parched after a long, sweaty walk and was offered it to “try” by my mom without me knowing it was alcohol… the “WAIT NO STOP” from everyone was so quick lmao. It was just hard lemonade, so nothing super serious. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectantly turned up pregnant right this second? I probably would. There is no fucking way I can emotionally handle carrying a baby right now. But I’d feel like absolute shit, even though I’m pro-choice. I just don’t want to picture myself in that situation. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? Probably. Although generally, I’m very resilient to peer pressure when it comes to something I really don’t want to do. What is your favorite video game console? Why? PS2, of course. I think the best games came from that era, many ahead of their time. Example, the original Shadow of the Colossus graphics massively pressured the limits of the software, and it still to this day blows me away. Sure, you have some lag in return, but the end result was just magnificent. I seriously, seriously, seriously hope I’m able to play the remake one day. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? How I need a change and purpose in life so motherfucking badly. Where’s the last place you went? I was riding around with Mom, doing some errands. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. When was the last time you went apple picking? Never. Do you have a good relationship with your cousins? We don’t really… have a relationship. We don’t talk, we just kinda “exist” knowing we’re related. What was the last kids movie you saw? I watched some of Hotel Transylvania 3 with my niece and nephew. Do you know anyone who was born in Africa? When I was still in college, there was at least one guy in my class who was. Tutored me in math. Patience of a saint, haha. Have you ever been to an internet cafe? I actually have zero clue what that is. Has the year gone quickly for you so far? I’ve barely discerned 2018-2020, if I’m being honest with you. It’s just a lump of time where I’ve done jack-all. I mean yeah, school fits in there somewhere, but mentally I wasn’t in a wonderful place and haven’t been “happy” for a long time. My mental state has been the same for a few years. How many siblings does your significant other have? N/A Are you one of those people who can drink vodka straight? Oh, I hiiiighly doubt it. I loathe the taste of alcohol. Do you share a middle name with any of your friends? I legitimately have one of the most basic white bitch middle names in America, I know tons. How many pairs of jeans do you own? None. Do you know the name of the pharmacist at your local drug store? One, yes, considering Mom worked there before the cancer and is still in touch with this pharmacist. What flavor is your toothpaste? Mint. Are you sleepy right now? I think I’m permanently sleepy. Do you like crime films and tv shows? Not especially. Are you bitter about anything? Many things. What was the first online account you remember having? Neopets. My older sister helped me set it up when I was somewhere around eight. Do you use emojis? More than I used to. I’m gradually converting from emoticons to emojis, oof. What was the last type of soda you drank? Mountain Dew. Do you remember much from high school? I probably remember too much from high school, if I’m being honest. I remember far too much in far too much detail during the almost four years I dated Jason. Where would you go for the ultimate honeymoon? Probably the Bahamas, mostly for the pink beaches, aha. It would also be an incredible photography opportunity. Do you know anyone who has a strong accent that is hard to understand? My former best friend’s dad was so southern that yes, I could barely understand him whatsoever. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you get? If you mean a fresh, new one and not a glow-up on the Mark tribute tat I’ve mentioned five thousand times, a tribute to Teddy featuring his portrait, pawprint, and the Powerwolf lyrics “and we’ll meet where the wild wolves have gone.” I’m going to be picky as a motherfucker about the design itself, though, so realistically it probably wouldn’t be tomorrow since I’d probably commission people to draw in varying styles. Ugh, I need that tattoo gun, my man. What was the last podcast you listened to? Do you listen to it regularly? That would be 4 Peens in a Pod (it’s… not a porn I swear, it’s Fischfuck and the boys lmao). I’m waaaaaaaaaaay behind on it, though. I watch so many different things now that I’m behind on like… everything I watch/listen to. Are you on a first-name basis with your boss? (or last boss if unemployed) I think I was with all of them? What was the last thing you wrote in a Word document? This survey. Because I combine short ones into Big Boys that I usually don’t finish in one go, I save my progress on it. Who do you miss and what do you miss about them? I miss a number of people and would rather not retrospect on them. What were the best and worst costumes you’ve ever worn? *shrug* Do you know anybody who is gay and married? I think so. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Ugh. A whole fucking lot. I’ve thought quite a bit recently on how I miss video editing, but I just don’t have the motivation and dedication for that anymore. Have you ever shared a home with a friend? Yes. What’s the craziest or weirdest place you’ve ever slept? Nowhere that strange at all… Probably just like, the floor, but even then with blankets and stuff. What did you have for lunch today and who made it? I haven't had lunch yet. Are you allergic to anything? How did you find out? Pollen is pretty obvious, while serious discoloring and itching let me know I was allergic to silver. Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah, I was visiting her for a couple weeks. It was nice. Who was the last very physically attractive person you saw? In ~real life~, probably some friend on Facebook. Do you know anyone who is deaf? We recently found out actually that my youngest niece is deaf in her left ear due to a massive buildup of fluid in it. I’m so ready to hear about her reaction to hearing normally once it’s taken care of. Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Probably at some point. “Ever” makes this question difficult. Do you think you have a good understanding on love? Yes. What do you think of your parent(s)? I love them both immensely while acknowledging their flaws. What celebrity do you think should of never become famous? I don’t care enough to think on this honestly haha. Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? Neither. What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl"? It was bold for its time, for sure. I’ve never minded it. Actually since coming out as bi I’ve known that this song has to be included in the recession dances of my wedding if my partner is female lmao. Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? I hope there’s some sort of total bliss after death if you’re deserving of such, but I don’t know. I definitely don’t know how I actually picture it. Even if there’s not, well, I’m assuming I just won’t exist anymore, so I wouldn’t be able to care anyway. Sometimes I hope that's the case. What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? Hotmail. Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? Yeah. I remember there was one time where “she” didn’t trade my tooth for munz and I was so mad lmao. Mom apparently forgot and slipped something under the pillow while I was getting ready for school. How I fell for it, who knows man, kids are wild. How do you feel about Taco Bell? I’m not a Mexican food fan, really, but I do love their cheese (with or without chicken) quite a bit. The cinnamon bite things are bomb as FUCK, too. I’m still mad tilted they took potato products off their menu tho because I used to destroy the fiesta potatoes. How often do you go on to YouTube? I’m like… always on it. Not focusing on it at all times, but something’s in the background. Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Well of course, man. What's your dream pet? Ugggghhhh a sunset morph ball python, probably. Buuut I’ve seen some over $2k with their rarity. More realistically, I really, really want a Brazilian Black tarantula. And an arctic morph hognose. I want a lot of pets. ;_; Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? God, I have a lot, honestly. All things considered, the answer is probably Miss Tobey, who was my physical science teacher in high school. She’s an extremely close family friend now involved regularly in my family’s lives. She can be… difficult and says shit before thinking, but we love her nevertheless. What's your favorite fairy tale? Fuck outta here if you say Shrek isn’t one. Do you have a favorite pen? Uh, no… I barely ever use pens anyway. Has a child ever asked you a question you found difficult to answer? Yeah; it happens sometimes with my niece and nephew. Name five books you've read in the past year. I think I’ve read the first three Wings of Fire book within the same year, and I’m currently on the forth. Other than those, I started The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but only got through the prologue I think before my focus shifted onto WoF. I still plan on reading it at some point, though. ^Are any of those books your favorite? No. The prequel to The Testaments, The Handmaid’s Tale, is very high up there, though. Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? Not at all. Once I read it once, I’m done. There are VERY few books I’ve reread, and most of those were children’s books from when I was little. Do you have a favorite talk show host? Don’t watch any. Which sounds the most refreshing: a hot shower or a cold one? I prefer hot showers unless I seeeeeriously need to cool down. Have you ever made your own soap? No. Can you sleep with socks on? UGH NO. When was the last time you were pissed beyond belief and why? Ummm good question. I don’t know about *that* mad. Maybe when Ashley’s mother-in-law shared a massively homophobic article that condoned conversion therapy on Facebook that resulted in me removing her from my friends and RAGING to my mom about it. That was forever ago, though. Do you have a favorite candle brand? No. What is your opinion on taxidermy? I have… very mixed feelings. If the animal was hunted for sport, then it’s fuckin disgusting; you literally killed an animal with the intention to show off the fact you’re a goddamn murderer. On the other hand, taxidermy of naturally-deceased animals can be educational, and even… artistic sometimes? I don’t know. I can’t really pick one stance over the other. Would you ever want to own a body part in a jar? Actually, yes, particularly of fetal animals (that WERE NOT killed for the sake of displaying), but for the same reasons above, I’m not sure if I would *really* do it. They are incredibly interesting to me, more so than taxidermy probably, but yeah, I still question the morality of it. What is the worst thing you have ever done to your own hair? I don’t think I’ve ever really done a “bad” thing to my hair. What qualities of yours do you think could potentially harm a relationship? I’m very clingy and, in the beginning, very paranoid that you’re going to leave. Have any of your childhood habits carried over into adolescence/adulthood? I had AWFUL separation anxiety from my mom for a very long time as a kid, and I guess that evolved into my extreme inability to handle loss well, maybe. I’d say they’re at least somewhat related. What is the first band that comes to mind when I say 'dark'? Cradle of Filth popped up first. As far as relationships go, what are your biggest deal-breakers? Abuse, arrogance, and distrust probably top the list. Be honest: do looks really matter to you? Nah. It’s nice to be physically attracted to my partner, but it’s not a must. Have you ever done something simply because you were of age? No. Do you think it's worth it to tell someone you had feelings for them when you don't have them anymore? I mean, what’s the situation? Are you hanging out, talking about relationships casually? I’d say it’s fine then if it’s relevant to the conversation. I don’t think it’s worth going out of your way to tell someone you liked them if you don’t anymore, though. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Y’know that ride at fairs where you go up really high on a circular thing with other people and then drop abruptly? That. I screamed like a mf lmao. I had to put a lot of effort into not yelling “SHIIIIIIIIIIIT” lmao. What's a food you love but don't get to eat very often? Stuff involving shrimp, ig. What's your favorite mythical being? Dragons! Have you ever felt a baby kick? I don’t think so, and I don’t want to, considering it’s fucking terrifying to me. I can’t even see a baby move without screaming and wanting to hurl. When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Who the fuck knows… What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Said things I shouldn’t have. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? A lot. I can’t be bothered to go through all of them. At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I’m not sure. Do you feel that way around anyone now? I don’t think so. What is your main heritage? German or Irish, idr which is more prominent. What is a song that you hate to admit you like? “Bitches” by Hollywood Undead came to me first lmao. What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? More than anything, watching inspirational YouTube videos. What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? I suppose maybe my ears? I had tubes put in as a kid, I had an absolutely agonizing ear infection once, I had earwax adhered to my eardrum, and they've always been STUPID dry and flaky. Are you watching your weight? Like a hawk, but it doesn’t seem to matter anyway. :^) Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Most of my closest friends I’ve met online. What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? You’re asking the wroooong person, lol. I’ve just seen way too many… Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? Lots of things; drawings, some writing, photographs, video edits… What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Just ketchup and mustard. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Sex. What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? MEERKATS and MARK What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Tell me I’m weak. Or that my mental illnesses truly do make me unlovable. Just essentially do fucking not make me feel what Jason did. What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Said some extremely mean and potentially scarring shit.

[emma-nation]

Within You - Bloodbound AU - Chapter 2

Summary: One year after defeating Gaius, the gang has finally found peace… Until a tragic incident awakens the ultimate and most dangerous threat they ever faced.

Genre: Angst/Adventure/Romance

Rating: T - Warning for violence and language

Notes:

- Sequel to the fics For You, In The Daylight and Without You. You can read all of them here.

- I'm sorry for taking so long. I've been very busy for the last few days. Also, I wanted this chapter to be perfect, as it's extremely important to the plot.

- Happy Holidays!

Tag List: @supersphynxsworld​​, @lightning-fury​​, @spacecarrousel​​, @tigerbryn11, @gavryllo​​, @annabellewerecorgi​​, @whoinvitedalx​​, @sheyah​​, @imnotdonewiththeelementalists​​, @scaryqueenbee, @bigmemesplz, @la-guerra-69, @kamilahsayeed-owns-me​​, @morvengarde​​, @tephy24​​, @iam-the-fuckin-queen​​​​, @voltos9, @scorpistraub​​​​, @leavemeandmyshipsalone​​​​, @jen825​​​​, @andreear17​​​​, @justejuste727​​​​, @aureliaxj, @graceschoices​​​​, @sleeping-with-her06, @galaxyside-0​​​, @msuhailey, @zoe6111​​​, @noodledragon22​​​​, @tigerbryn11, @shanuuh​​​, @ilovetaylor13m​​​, @honorablebicycle​​​, @ilovekamilahsayeed​​​, @allaboutchoices​​​, @fal-carrington​​​, @scarlet-letter-a0114

Kamilah

“Your hands are shaking. Why don’t you take a cup of tea and calm down?”

Kamilah went to the kitchen and prepared her wife a special tea to ease her stress in such a difficult moment. Amy was sitting on the couch, crying in silence while she attempted to contact her mother.

When she returned to the living room, the girl had an entire different look on her face. Kamilah looked into her eyes, they seemed bottomless and without any emotion.

"Amy?"

“Don’t ask me to calm down when my dad could be dying,” she said coldly, before heading to their bedroom and starting to shove some clothes inside a small luggage.

Amy wasn’t acting like herself. Again. She was an impulsive person, even reckless sometimes, but that was something completely different. Aside from her look becoming vague, she’d become extremely angry and aggressive.

It had happened a couple of times since they returned from Greece. The first, triggered by a small mistake she made at Ahmanet Financial that resulted in a contract loss. The second, one night after her visions about Kamilah’s past started to increase. In both cases, she’d act distant and cold for a few days. Closed inside her own shell.

That had nothing to do with being a Bloodkeeper. Adrian thought it could be some sort of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after her near-death experience. 

“Amy,” Kamilah spoke softly, trying to get her to hear. “We can go in my private jet by the morning. Driving right now could be dangerous, look at the rain falling outside.”

She wouldn’t listen. Amy continued packing her clothes like Kamilah wasn’t even present. The female vampire sighed and went to her home office.

“Adrian,” she said through the phone. “It’s me. It’s happening again.”

She told him about Amy’s father and how it triggered her strange behavior for a third time. 

"You know what concerns me. It all began since we discovered the Tree."

Adrian didn't believe it was possible, but Kamilah had a bad feeling about that situation from the start. The First Vampire had once tried to kill Amy to return to life. Whatever their connection was, their lives were bounded by something powerful. A power where Amy's death would make possible for her to walk on the Earth again. 

Kamilah only knew her through legends and stories told by Gaius, but it was enough to know she wouldn't easily give up. Especially when she had been so close to obtain what she wanted.

"What should I do?" She asked.

"Give her space. But go with her, don't leave her alone in under circumstances."

When Kamilah hung up, she only had time to see Amy passing through the corridor, carrying her bags. She quickly changed her clothes and followed her to the garage, using her vampire speed.

"I'm coming with you," she was already inside the car when Amy finished placing her stuff in the trunk. "I'm driving."

The girl didn't complain or express any emotion. She simply sat on the passenger seat in complete silence, staring at nothing.

Kamilah started driving, but that tightness in her chest only increased as she followed to the road. She knew something terrible was about to come, yet she couldn't tell when. Or how.

----------

Lysimachus

Even two years later, Lysimachus hadn't completely earned the trust of all Council members. The mistrust surrounding him had gone worse when he began to work as a Nighthunter in New Orleans. 

His chair on the Council was hanging by a thread now. Though he no longer feared a death punishment, Jax, Adrian and even his sister could be supporting Priya and Lester against him after such a huge mistake.

"I can't simply erase her mind, Adrian," he told. "What about her employee? A big person is behind this. They'd certainly seek for revenge."

"Go home," Adrian advised him, "talk to her. Try to make her spill who's paying her. We can go after them."

"Okay."

Before heading to his apartment, Lysimachus invited Katherine to the nearest bar. It'd be their first conversation since her appearance in the Council meeting.

“How could you betray me like this?"

“I never betrayed you,” she was sitting on a stool next to him, playing with her glass and with an annoyed look on her face. “As soon as you left the diner, a lot of zeros suddenly appeared in my bank account. Then, my phone rang. Somebody wanted to hire me to monitor Raines’ research. Well... I remembered your file, that was accidentally on my phone.”

“And used it in your favor!”

She rolled her eyes and stared at him for a moment, in silence.

“I couldn't say no, don't judge me."

He sighed and shook his head in denial. After one year working together and being partners, he'd never expect this act coming from her. 

"Do you have any idea of what your friend is in possession?" Katherine continued. "In the wrong hands, it could spread chaos and destroy the entire human race.”

“But it’s not in wrong hands, okay? Adrian has been studying it for good purposes.”

"Wrong hands, like mine?"

They both turned around to see Priya standing right behind them, with a malicious grin and her phone pointed to them.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the biggest traitor of them all?"

“What the hell are you doing here?” Lysimachus questioned, wondering if his night could become any worse.

“It's a public place,” she answered. “I come here occasionally, when I’m too bored in my big mansion.”

Something in the way she said 'big mansion' suggested she was attempting to insult Katherine. Knowing the Nighthunter, Lysimachus knew she wouldn’t simply ignore it.

“Big mansions can be quite of a pain in the ass,” she lamented. “I remember when I lived in one.”

“Not when you have houseboys to serve you.”

Priya joined them at the bar and ordered herself a drink. Recognizing her, the bartender said it was for free. Lysimachus just stood there, observing the scene and thinking of a manner to stop the conversation, that would certainly end badly.

“Oh so it’s true," Katherine sounded curious and sarcastic at the same time. "You do fill your house with sex slaves.”

“Better than living in an empty penthouse, don’t you think?”

“How do you…” the point Katherine stood up to face Priya in a challenging manner was enough for him to intervene.

“Can you both just stop?” He asked. “Priya, why don’t you go home?”

“Whatevs,” she shrugged, swallowing her drink in one sip. “I’ve got exactly what I wanted here.”

She played an audio file on her cell phone, when Katherine admitted she had access to Adrian's file. 

“If you want I can kill her for you,” Katherine suggested as Priya left. “I have a good aim when it comes to vampires.”

“I’m sure we can solve it in another manner,” he told, considering the alternative Kamilah gave him. Debriefing her would be the most correct thing to do, but first he had to know with who he’d be dealing with later.

----------

Amy

“She just don’t get it. Kamilah only cares about her own interests. She doesn’t have any empathy for you at all!”

Amy shook her head, dismissing that thought. It had happened again. Her emotions and thoughts got out of control, leading her to act aggressively.

Depression. Anxiety. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Schizophrenia. A quick research on the internet suggested she could have any of these disorders. She’d take every opportunity when Kamilah was out of New York to visit a therapist. Dr. Blackwood was new in the city. One of the first vampires Lysimachus marked with his Brand, he chose a Scarab design to represent his Clan. Amy could vent and confess her everything, including the supernatural, without the fear of being labeled as crazy.

After a few sessions, her results were still inconclusive. Exams didn’t show anything wrong with her. Medications weren’t effective.

A sudden wave of unhappiness filled her heart. Not only because of her dad. Or because she how badly she had treated her wife. It was something bigger. Something she could not explain. Tears started streaming down her face.

“Amy,” Kamilah gently placed her hand on top of hers. “Everything is going to be okay.”

She was very focused on the road, making a lot of effort to see ahead. The rain had gotten even worse after they left.

“What a stupid idea,” Amy thought. “I should have waited until the morning.”

“Your father is still young, the chances of recovery are very high at his age. Besides, in case he needs better care, we can ask him to be transferred to the best medical facility in New York.”

Kamilah continued to speak. She tried to focus on her voice or the warmness of her hand, but the thoughts started again.

“She doesn’t even like your parents.”

It wasn’t true. The female vampire’s efforts to gain her parents approval were finally showing results. Her dad loved to hear her stories about Egypt and her mom would spend hours talking to Kamilah about finances. She focused her thoughts on their last Holidays together, where they all went to a ski resort.

“Thanks,” thinking of her family made those negative thoughts disappear. “And I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I just…"

Her crying wouldn’t let her proceed.

"It’s okay,” Kamilah squeezed her hand. “It’s a scary situation. It’s normal your emotions are overwhelmed.”

It was time to tell her. They had been together for two years. Kamilah was the person she trusted the most in the entire universe.

“I’m seeing a doctor for a few months now. I didn’t want to tell you until she had a conclusion, but… there isn’t any.”

Although she did her best to hide, she could tell her words had impact on Kamilah.

“Well, if there isn’t any explanation in science, we need to consider our other option here.”

“The supernatural,” Amy concluded.

“Exactly,” Kamilah looked at her with a nervous smile on the corners of her lips. "Do you think..."

That fraction of second she took her eyes from the road to look at Amy, she missed it. There was a woman, dressed in white standing in the middle of the road. Even with the heavy rain, Amy was able to distinguish her glowing red eyes and the blood in her vests. Her eyes widened in fear.

“Kamilah! Look out!”

By impulse, she grabbed the wheel, pulling to the other side of the road. The asphalt was wet and slippery, what made it impossible for her to regain control.

----------

Lysimachus

Being a Nighthunter for at least 10 years, Katherine was very cautious of her steps. Knowing this, Lysimachus couldn't raise any suspicions, he needed to act naturally.

If he couldn't get her to speak, he needed to take extreme measures. He offered her to spend the night at his apartment, until she found a place to stay.

"It can be dangerous," he said. "A Nighthunter alone in New York City. Some vampires may feel threatened and attack you."

"Oh really?"

With a mischievous smirk, Katherine exhibited her skills. In one stunt, she pinned him against the wall and pointed a sharp stake directly to his heart.

"I mean it, Katherine. You never know what Clan leaders are capable of. They can be a bunch of snakes when it comes to their interests."

"Does that include you?"

"Why are you asking?"

"You were so gentle to invite me to your place, when you're on thin ice with the Council," she pressed the stake a little harder, almost perforating his chest. "I've done my research about you in the past, you're a vampire with psychic abilities. You're going to erase my memories."

"I would never," Lysimachus told, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I just want to talk. About your employee."

Katherine finally released him.

"I know nothing about them."

"Not even a name, or a gender?"

"The person I spoke on the phone, it was a man. He had an accent... Greek maybe."

Considering how tired she had been, after a shower, it didn't take long for Katherine to fall into a deep sleep. Lysimachus carefully took her laptop from her baggage and started to investigate.

First, he tried to trace the money back to its sender. It took him to a bank in Prague. Then, he tried Katherine's cell phone. Anonymous number.

They'd certainly call again, and all he had to do was to make sure he'd listen to the conversation.

"I'm so sorry, Katherine," he tapped both of her devices. "It's for your own good."

After placing everything back in place, he waited. He laid on the couch and pretended to be asleep. There was a lot on his mind at the moment. Besides his problems with the Council, Kamilah had sent him a message. Amy's father was going through something bad.

Maybe he was tired, or only paranoid, but living for over 2000 years and having psychic skills, he knew when something dark and dangerous was approaching. And that was what his senses were alerting him of right now.

"I should call Kamilah to check if everything's fine," Lysimachus thought.

As he grabbed his phone, Katherine's started ringing in the bedroom. He went to the kitchen and secretly listened to the conversation.

"Raines thought he was in possession of the First Vampire's body, but DNA tests proved him wrong," she told her employee.

"Right..." the male voice paused at the other side of the line. "What about the research?"

"I've had access to the results. He also presented them to me during my visit. So far, he has obtained positive results for a serum to cure Ferals and to make vampires walk in the sunlight."

"Has he considered ingesting the blood himself?"

"No. He told me it would be too dangerous."

"Is it safe in his laboratory?"

"I suppose it is, but..." Katherine paused. "Now the information is in the hands of the infamous Council Of New York, I wouldn't trust them. Especially Priya Lacroix."

"I see. I'm going to New York to observe closer," the man told. "I expect to meet you."

"Sure."

Lysimachus opened his laptop. Another anonymous, untraceable call. At least now he knew the man was coming for them. After getting the date, time and address, Katherine could be debriefed and he'd assure her safety.

----------

Amy

Amy stood paralyzed and nauseous as the car finally stopped, colliding with a tree. All her surroundings were spinning, her head ached intensely and she was unable to even think. What the hell happened? The last thing she remembered was the mysterious figure standing in the middle of the road.

“Amy,” she looked at Kamilah on the driver’s seat. There was some blood leaking from small, shallow cuts on her skin that were already healing. “Are you alright? You’ve received most of the impact.”

“I… I…” after a moment, her pain was gone. As well as her dizziness. “I think I am.”

“There’s a cut on your forehead. Let me heal it.”

Kamilah pricked her finger and pressed some blood on her wound.

“Did you hit your head?” She asked.

“Yeah, but it was nothing. I feel fine.”

“Anyways, we better ask a CT scan once we arrive at the hospital.”

Kamilah dialed a number where she ordered a service to pick them up and later, collect her damaged vehicle from the woods.

“Shouldn’t we return to New York?” Amy asked, following her wife back to the road.

“We’re half-way to your hometown,” Kamilah said. “If you’re okay, seeing your father is still our priority. Right?”

Amy nodded, still feeling upset due to her early behavior. Her body was sore from the collision and now the rain was soaking her clothes, she was also shivering in cold. Noticing it, Kamilah took off her own jacket and wore it around her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry,” she told, starting to cry again. “What have I done? I must be really going crazy."

Kamilah stopped and involved her in a comforting hug.

“That’s okay,” she kissed Amy’s forehead. “What happened, Amy? Back in the car?”

“I saw a woman standing in the middle of the road.”

“A woman?”

“Like one of those freaky horror movies Lily likes. She... she was a vampire. I saw her red eyes. And there was blood over her clothes too."

Amy knew the look on Kamilah's face. She didn't think she was crazy, she was intrigued. 

"We'll investigate further when we get home. You're not going crazy, trust me."

She wrapped her arms around Amy's waist and quickly pulled them out of the woods using her advanced speed, what made Amy feel nauseous again. Only a few minutes later, a driver arrived to pick them up. For the rest of the trip, Amy's mind could only try to remember the woman. Her features, her clothes, her hair... she seemed so familiar, but at the same time so strange.

In the hospital, her family was in the waiting room. Her father was submitted to surgical procedure. Her mother came to meet them and quickly panicked, noticing how bad they both looked.

"I told her we should find a doctor and ask for a CT scan," Kamilah said. "She's hit her head."

"Kamilah is right, Amy. Come with me, I'll help you to find someone."

Amy didn't know which of the two women standing in front of her was the most overprotective.

"It was nothing," Amy insisted. "I'm okay. Just a little bit tired. I'm gonna... I'm gonna wash my face."

In truth, she just wanted to be alone for a moment to think about on everything that was happening. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She was a complete mess. Her make-up was completely ruined by tears and rain. There was still some dry blood on her face and hair from the injury Kamilah healed.

"Oh my god. Disgusting!"

She applied some cold water on her face, to clean herself and hoping it'd relieve some of the exhaustion she was feeling. She needed to stay up for her dad. She needed to be there when he was out of surgery. She just needed to see him. That was why she desperately wanted to be there, wasn't it?

Turning off the water, Amy looked at the mirror again. There she was, standing right behind her. The same woman from the road. Glowing red eyes, exposed fangs and blood all over her vests. And she was smiling at her. 

She tried to scream but no sound would come out. Her legs were becoming too weak, forcing her down on her knees. All the intense pain she felt after the accident had returned. She still tried to reach for the phone in her pocket and text Kamilah, but she had no strength.

Instead, a vision started to form in front of her. She saw that woman and all the pain she experienced from finding out her husband and daughter were dead.

"I-I'm sorry..." she tried to speak. The woman couldn't hear it. It was just a vision, an hallucination. Strangely, she felt deeply connected to it somehow.

Amy closed her eyes, attempting to return to reality. The smell of blood seemed real. It wouldn't go away. Opening her eyes again, she noticed she was in another vision. 

The penthouse she lived with Kamilah was completely dark. It looked a little bit different, the furniture, the decoration. She grabbed a framed picture she found at the office. From an important event they were supposed to attend in only a few days.

"W-What... A-Am I seeing the future now?"

She heard a muffled sob coming from the master suite. She ran as fast as she could and opened the door. Kamilah was lying on the floor and she was severely wounded. 

"Kamilah!" Amy yelled, taking her in her arms. "What happened? Talk to me."

"Amy, I always knew it..." she struggled to answer. "I always knew you'd be my ruin. I always knew you'd be my death. I fell right into your trap and you know what? I don't regret it. Not even for a second."

A hint of a smile appeared on her lips, before she started coughing blood. Amy began to cry. It had to be a manner to save her.

"N-No. I'd never do anything to hurt you. I love you!"

Before she could do anything, she saw her again. The woman. She streaked forward and in a blink of an eye she extracted Kamilah's heart. Crushing it with her own hand.

Amy felt like her own heart was being crushed too. She couldn't breath. She couldn't stop the pain. 

The world spun around again and she was back at the bathroom. But not for too long. Soon, the world around her faded and everything became darkness.

----------

Kamilah

Outside the hospital, Kamilah grabbed her phone to call her brother. Adrian already had a lot of trouble in hands with that Nighthunter breathing on his neck. Venting her problems on him felt too selfish.

She sighed at the picture on her screen. The one from their trip to the ski resort. She and Amy looked perfectly happy, and now, everything seemed to be falling apart again. 

She also noticed the date. It was their first wedding anniversary.

"What a way to celebrate it."

At least Lysimachus had found out some good information about Katherine's employee. He authorized her to ask Serafine to erase her mind and then, he'd be attending the meeting in her place.

"What about you, sister?" He asked. "Your voice seems strange."

"It's Amy. I'm worried about her, but..." she sensed Amy's mother coming in her direction. "I'll talk to you in person, when we arrive."

"Okay."

He was ready to hang up, but she stopped him.

"Brother, wait. Do you think it's possible for a deceased person to be linked to a living person's mind, like a parasite? Using them, feeding off from the emotions and creating visions and thoughts?"

"I... Uhhhh..." he thought for a second before answering. "I haven't seen anything like this before, but I can make a research."

She hung up and Amy's mother came to tell her the news. Her husband was completely fine. The surgery was a complete success. Minor than they assumed at first. The doctors could barely believe he had a heart attack so recently.

"They said 'if you told somebody else, they'd say you're inventing things', the exams and symptoms indicated a heart attack, but his heart is so strong and healthy. It almost seems like he played a prank on us."

Inventing things. Playing a prank. Illusions. No. It couldn't be. That entire situation was forced. She played all them like puppets and they fell for it.

"Mrs. Parker," the realization made Kamilah's voice crack. She hadn't seen Amy for almost 20 minutes now. "W-Where is Amy?"

"I thought she was here with you. She wasn't in the waiting room."

She didn't care what mortals would think. Using her supernatural speed, she needed to reach Amy as faster as possible. Kamilah opened the bathroom's door in a slam. 

"A-Amy..." she felt her heart tightening inside her chest, like if it was about to explode. 

Her wife was lying on the floor unconscious. She kneeled right beside her, to confirm what her hearing was detecting. A weak, almost inexistent pulsation. Having lived for so long and watching so many mortals die, she briefly examined Amy to conclude she had a grave brain injury in the collision. She knew the human body enough to know she'd hardly survive that.

The door opened and she didn't even had to turn around to know it was Amy's mother. She could sense her desperation and hear her muffled crying. Yet, she wasn't able to act. She stood frozen in place, with Amy in her arms, watching as life left her body.

"Do something!" Mrs. Parker grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard, making her come back to reality. "Y-You promised it... You said you'd protect her!"

"B-But..." at that stage, only Turning Amy was an option. There was no other manner to save her life.

"Do what you have to do! I know what you are."

Kamilah nodded in agreement as her fangs opened a large gash on her wrist. She placed it inside Amy's mouth, letting the blood flow down her throat. 

She could feel it when her heart stopped beating and she exhaled one last breath. It was the worst feeling in the world. Kamilah felt empty and alone. She wanted to cry, to scream, even knowing that soon her wife would slowly come back to life.

That could only be another attempt of the First Vampire to end Amy's life to regain hers back.

But she failed. Kamilah found her in time. Time enough to Turn her. She'd live. At the first signal her body was beginning to react to the transformation, a small smile appeared in the corners of Kamilah's lips. She sighed relieved.

"Is the going to be okay?" Amy's mother asked, still watching everything.

"Most likely, yes," the female vampire answered. "There's still some procedures I must perform, to guarantee a successful Turning. The next six hours are crucial."

The woman tossed Kamilah her car keys.

"Go. I'm only begging you, save my daughter."

Kamilah nodded again. Without being noticed, she rushed outside the hospital carrying Amy in her arms. She placed her inside the trunk, where she'd be confined in a small space and away from any sources of light.

At the same time she started driving, she also dialed Adrian's number.

"Adrian, prepare the basement. I'll be there as soon as possible. We've got a problem."

[chubbyheroesworthyheroes]

9, 26, 32 for Silas. He’s practicing for an eating competition but it seems that one night while training, the food has a much more filling effect.

9) Button popping/seam ripping/etc.26) Rapid wg32) Eating competition

This was the last thing in my inbox, and I know it’s been a long time coming, but I am supremely happy with how this turned out! This is probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to writing anything immobile-ish before, but, man, something just possessed me to make my favorite Fates boy fuckin’ LORGE. So, I hope it’s okay, and that you enjoy it!

If someone had told Silas that he’d get himself into eating competitions, he’d probably have politely chuckled at the mere notion. 

While he did have a fondness for food – he’d had picnics with his friend Corrin ever since they were kids – he was more of a social eater than someone he’d imagine entering an eating contest. Well, a year or so back, a friend of a friend had made a bet with him: they’d both enter one of the local eating contests, and whoever came out on top – or, at least, placed better than the other – would be able to use the loser as their own personal food delivery service for a month.

Silas had mostly agreed because Corrin had loudly cheered that he could beat the other easily, and he felt so flustered in the moment that he’d found himself saying yes to the bet. Not being the sort to charge into something completely unprepared, Silas had done a little research and figured out a good training plan. When the day came to see who’d win the bet, he’d ended up utterly smoking the other man in the contest – coming in at a triumphant first place. Initially, he thought it would just be a one and done thing, but after the contest – after wolfing down more food faster than he’d ever done so in his life, feeling the painful-but-weirdly-content bloat of his stomach as he was declared the winner – Silas had an itch to do it again.

And again, and again, and it turned into a bit of a hobby for him after a while.

It was fun to compete, and the food was always the best, never anything lousy or disappointing. It was always top notch stuff, made for flavor and quantity. Of course, most of it wasn’t exactly healthy, but Silas made an effort to keep up with his usual workout regime to stay fit despite the fact that he could put a sizable dent in an all-you-can-eat buffet within half an hour. He was pretty much the epitome of the average looking guy, in his own opinion – not particularly tall, but not short either, with the build of someone who went to the gym, albeit, not religiously.

With the end of the year approaching, there was always a big competition in their town; a majority of the local restaurants would offer their specialties for the contest, which was basically a big advertising platform for them. Whoever won the contest got a cash prize, along with a year of free meals from the restaurants that participated. It would be Silas’ first time entering this particular contest, so he was training to get himself used to what food he’d be faced with on the day – there was a wide variety, from Nohrian classics he was familiar with to Hoshidan dishes he was relatively new to. Tonight would be a bit of a test to his capacity limits, but also simply him figuring out the best way to eat everything in a quick manner. There was a lot to try out; soups of several kinds, thickly built sandwiches full of meats and vegetables, rice and noodle dishes soaked in sweet and sour sauces – the list really went on, and Silas knew he was in for a night of good food at the very least.

A usual when he did this sort of prep for a competition, Silas was wearing pretty comfortable clothes; a soft, simple hoodie and some loose pants so that he didn’t get uncomfortable the more he ate. Corrin had helped him get all the food he needed from all the different restaurants, every open space on the floor covered with plastic bags, containers and delicious food as Silas got hunkered down for the night ahead of him. He found it easier to keep going when he was watching or listening to something, so he’d just pushed the low table in front of his lumpy, old leather couch out of the way and sat on the floor with his back up against the sofa. This way, he could pretty easily reach whatever dish he felt like trying and didn’t have to worry about table space or getting up for more food, and could binge whatever tv show kept his attention as he did so.

Flipping through channels for a bit, Silas settled on some old holiday movie before grabbing the first container of food by him. Popping the top off of the hot tin, he was greeted with the warm, homely scent of honey barbecued meat, doughy, buttered biscuits and creamy mashed potatoes. It was a dish he was quite familiar with, and in spite of the heaviness to the food, the container was empty in hardly any time at all. Silas took a quick drink of water to wash down the last of the biscuits before moving onto the next thing, not wanting to break up his tempo. The next container was opened to reveal a big, steaming portion of ramen. Slurping up some of the noodles first, Silas idly checked where this was from, the logo somewhat familiar to him – he vaguely recalled going to eat at that restaurant with Corrin once or twice? Regardless, it was the perfect amount of salty flavor after the sweet tinge of what he’d previously eaten, and Silas found himself quickly gulping the soup down.

Taking a breath, he shuffled around to put the empty container next to its fallen comrade and picked up the next in line, the warmth building in his stomach going ignored as the night continued.

Unbeknownst to him, it seemed that someone had tampered with his food. While it certainly wasn’t used the same as it was back in the old days, magic was still alive and well now, and it appeared someone had a very specific result in mind for Silas. As he continued to eat, that warmth in his stomach kept building up, until it felt like the heat was spilling over into the rest of his body. He was so focused on maintaining his pace and eating fast, that Silas didn’t notice how his body was expanding – slowly at first, but growing faster the more food he ate – to fill out his loose clothing, and then strain against it.

Leaning back against the couch, Silas huffed out a breath and rested a hand against his stomach – startling when he felt the bloated give to it.

“That’s…weird…,” he mumbled to himself, sitting up a bit to see how his previously comfortable clothing was now tight against his body. But, it wasn’t hard to see that it wasn’t his clothes that were at fault – his whole body had gotten…bigger, softer. He’d always been fit, not overly muscular but not skinny either, so pressing a hand against his stomach and having it sink in a little to soft flesh was pretty foreign to him. He looked downright chubby now; a gut resting gently on his soft thighs, his ass now plump enough to fill out his pants, even his cheeks had chubbed up a bit.

More than a little unnerved at these sudden changes, Silas groaned when he felt his stomach rumble with hunger, finding himself reaching for more food. He was pretty full at this point, having gone through half of the food he’d ordered, but it almost felt like he hadn’t eaten a thing at all tonight as he dug in ravenously to what was left to eat. Chubby cheeks flushing as he began to utterly pig out, Silas could feel himself getting bigger and bigger with every bite.

Every gulp, every bite, every slurp just seemed to make him swell up faster and fatter. 

His pants were the first thing to cause an issue, the once loose waist of them now digging harshly into his hips, the button and zipper biting into his soft underbelly as well, sure to leave angry red marks. Silas whimpered and shifted around, trying to get into a comfortable position as his pants grew tighter and more stifling. Gods, it was getting unbearable, the pressure was too much, but his hands were occupied with shoveling food into his mouth. But, after shoving in another, large mouthful of food, Silas grunted when he felt a muffled pop against the underside of his belly; a sudden relief of the pressure build up as the button was popped right off his pants, the weight of his stuffed gut forcing the zipper down, doughy flesh quick to fill in the new space. Of course, this relief only lasted so long, as his growing thighs and ass were straining the sturdy seams of his pants. The more he ate, the tighter the material became, until Silas heard the death knell for his once comfy pants – a pathetic rip from the seat of his pants and along the legs, warm, pliant fat oozing through the gaping chasms in the material, his dignity only maintained on account of a pair of luckily stretchy boxers.

Silas let out a large, whooshing sort of exhalation at the feeling, embarrassment fought down by the blessed feeling of no longer being constricted and pressed in by his pants.

Of course, with more food to go still, his enlargement wasn’t going to stop there.

Wolfing down forkfuls of thick, cheesy macaroni sprinkled with crumbled bits of crunchy bacon, Silas could feel everything waist up pushing to match the expanse of his lower half.

For quite a while, his hoodie was doing an honorable job of covering his stomach; the material was made to stretch, and he’d gotten it in a size or two above his usual. As the night wore on, though, his belly really taxed the stretching capabilities of the hoodie, the soft cottony feel of the inside layering forced to press against the warm bulge of his gut, until the amount of belly became too much to contain, causing the sweatshirt to ghost up further and further. He felt the somewhat cool air of his apartment breeze over the warm skin of his belly, the hem of his sweatshirt having risen to reveal his bellybutton. Silas would have tried to pull it down, but had since figured out that he wouldn’t be able to do anything else until he’d stuffed all of the food he had here into his gut.

Oh, but, Gods, the weight of his expanding stomach was something else. He could feel the way it slowly claimed space in his lap, soft flesh molding against the round press of his thighs; the sheer weight of it was forcing his legs apart, so with a muffled grunt, Silas maneuvered his plush body into a position that allowed him to sit with his legs….semi-crossed. He was too fat already to actually sit with his legs crossed, but he could manage crossing them at the ankles, and this allowed his burgeoning belly to flow into and fill up the space made by his legs like a nest of sorts, offering a little bit of support to the soft mass as it kept on filling out as he chowed down.

At this point, the embarrassment and horror of what was happening had died away, and Silas found himself more than a little hot and bothered by the way his body was swelling up with plush, warm fat. He’d never been overweight in his life, and maybe he’d found that people with rounder figures caught his attention more than thinner ones, but he’d never really thought about what it would feel like to get this big himself.

It felt so good…

He was so warm and every part of him was so soft, he’d never felt so comfortable in his life. Taking up so much space – and he wasn’t even done yet, an excited chill running up his spine as he could feel himself expanding out further, claiming more floor space with his own fat body. His hoodie was tight as all get out by this point, the hem catching in the creases at his sides where large love handles had sprouted as his belly grew larger and larger. Moaning through a dense mouthful of green tea flavored mochi, Silas felt the tight material suddenly force itself up around his hand-filling moobs, an abrupt rush of growth to his fat belly causing the already behemoth thing to blimp out rather cartoonishly.

The fat of his arms were bulging out the poor sleeves of his abused hoodie, making them feel too short and tight on him. The bulk of the sweatshirt was bunched up at his chest, trapped under his jostling moobs and leaving absolutely no inch of his great, wobbling mass of a belly covered. The neck of the piece of clothing was similarly stuck under Silas’ flab, a couple of new chins causing the taxed strings of the hoodie to dig into his soft neck.

Wheezing for a moment, Silas blinked away the blurriness in his eyes, sluggishly realizing that his growing was coming to a slow stop. All the food was gone, which was good, seeing as Silas was fairly sure he’d not be able to reach anything that wasn’t directly beside him. Licking his lips, though, he silently bemoaned the fact that he didn’t have anymore tasty food to experience. In lieu of this, however, he could finally explore his own body now that his hands were under his own control once more. Face feverishly hot and covered in all manner of sauces and smeared food, Silas stifled a content burp as he squeezed and prodded at his fattened frame.

Stubby fingers sunk into deliciously soft flesh everywhere he could touch. From the stacked rolls on his sides, to the bombshell tits that he could practically rest his chins on, to the doughy eclipse that was his stomach. It was all fantastic; warm, soft, and tinged a faint pink in places. He couldn’t see his toes, not unless he tilted to the side and kicked his foot out, but he could feel the fat-packed mounds of his ass and bulk of his thighs and calves. Raising his hands to his cheeks, Silas felt his dick twitch and throb against his formidable gut as he felt soft, round chipmunk-sized cheeks fill the palms of his hands. Gods, he couldn’t even reach partway around the sheer mass of his belly, pudgy hands only able to go as far as the bloated crest of his gut; his deep, drooping bellybutton forever hidden from his view.

He looked absolutely porky now, a real prize hog built for winning the ultimate eating competition this town had to offer him.

[dietraumerei]

Weekly Writing and Reading Update

I mostly called it in to work and did like 6-hour days and, uh, it still feels like I didn’t write that much somehow? (I’m off, minus one meeting, until January 2nd. I want to write my face off, although tbh I am going to work really hard at getting out of my apartment and having structure and things like that.)

Writing

Ineffable Holidays Advent: Still writing a story every few days for this! It is very fun, and I’m glad I’m being chill about it and not trying to write every single day. I will finish today’s and put it up soon, and I updated the AO3 archive a few hours ago.

A Little Place in the Country: One chapter up, and another completed that I”ll put up soon. Also I’ve been watching a lot of how-to videos about drywall. This still feels kind of....not disjointed, but I guess, episodic? It is them building a life together, and that happens slow, so it’s a slow story. Nonetheless, I love it so much, and hope you’ll all enjoy the next chapter, when they return to London for a bit.

Reading

Okay, so I’ve got like 30 pages left to go, but let’s just acknowledge that I’ll finish Hogfather today, so that can go on the list. I am reading it because, well, it’s Hogfather and it’s the best story about Christmas ever written, and I miss Terry. I don’t read it every single Christmas, but I’ve hit most of them since...okay, I remember definitely reading it in 2000 cos it inspired a paper I had to write. So 20ish years. I really love this book, and for whatever reason, I feel like I’ve laughed out loud at it more this year than in the past.

I also finished The Secret Commonwealth which. Uh. Hm. Okay so as a whole I liked it, but when I think too hard about several aspects, they sort of fall to pieces.

Oh, a bit of a silly nice thing -- there’s a fair bit of Welsh in one part, and based on my own internal logic and a half-remembered headline, I have decided was written SPECIFICALLY to be a giant nudge to Michael Sheen, who I believe was definitely going to do the audiobook even before the thing was written. I actually put the book down at that part and said aloud “Oh, for goodness’ sake’. (I am also sort of proud because my Welsh isn’t very good, but I could easily translate it, and that made me very happy.) Anyway, I look forward to listening to MS’s very best Extremely Welsh Uncle Voice for those bits.

That said, I know the book’s fairly new, so spoilers under the cut.

(OH AND. Warning for both the book and the spoilers: There’s a pretty graphic sexual assault near the end of the book which I was NOT EXPECTING. Drop me a note if you want details and to discuss if it’s something that would be okay for you to read or skip or whatever.)

well, I have to say, ‘Lyra becomes a Randian/Hitchens-ite’ is not the storyline I was expecting. I don’t dislike it -- I was unbearable at 20 myself, it’s very realistic. I just. Hm. Okay, the more I think about it, the more I like it, because it feel so very, very real. Also it’s pretty obviously Pullman Saying Some Shit about other atheist writers, which I am Here For.

I like that the events of the first trilogy didn’t change jackshit about the world. That is also, depressingly, realistic. Really, the whole novel is incredibly zeitgeist-y. (Okay, maybe it holds up to scrutiny better than I’d thought. In parts.) Sometimes it’s a little too cute about that, mind.

Pan fucking off is heartbreaking and extremely...real-feeling. I tend to read at night with a cat by my feet, and while I love my cats equally, Owain is my daemon. He just is. And I was glad he was right there when I read the bits where Pan leaves, because they’re so bittersweet. I’d want to ditch Lyra too, frankly.

I...do not like the romance(?) with Malcolm. It’s sort of icky? Perhaps because the last time we saw the together, really, he was her caretaker because she was an infant. In-universe, it’s not really enough to trigger the dating-your-relatives taboo, but going from book to book, it’s pinging it real fuckin hard for me. I’m also not sure why he’s gone on her -- have they spent that much time together? Is he in love with an idea? Pullman’s been good about such things in the past, so I sort of hope this doesn’t go anywhere, or we all learn a valuable lesson about falling for an idea of a person, but yeah. I dunno. It goes between a place where I can almost see it, to meh, to actually kinda squicking me out.

Also, that sexual assault. Yeah. That happened. I...am not automatically against it. I am willing to trust Pullman enough that it’s something random and horrible and not...okay, you know how in GoT, there was just rape every which where, and it only served the plot in icky, titillating ways? Basically, for this, I will be okay if it’s 1) a random event that fucks Lyra up and otherwise serves no purpose, because that’s how it works in real life or 2) it serves the plot but for a REALLY FUCKING GOOD REASON. Anyway, I look forward to skipping that chapter in the audiobook and on every re-read. Full marks, it was horrible and scary and not sexy in the least, so he got that much right.

So I guess a lot of the stuff I’m wary of will be resolved -- or not -- in the final book.

[irwinkitten]

teulu | l.h

pairing: luke x oc notes: so i wrote this after my family member passed away and it was a mostly self-indulgent fic, but also including part of what i grew up with which is the welsh language. the title, teulu is welsh for family. i didn’t want to share this at first, because i’ve been struggling, but then i figured why not? for reference, cariad is welsh for sweetheart. warnings: mentions of death and drug abuse word count: 6.4k!

---

It was a rare time off for Ashton as he stepped into his brand new home.

He felt proud that he had something that not only was his, but something he’d worked for. So as he began setting himself up, getting furniture moved in, he’d spotted one of hi new neighbours struggling with a bag of what seemed to be her groceries.

Something about her seemed to remind him of a grandmother, the way she shuffled her steps but kept a tight grip on the bag as she moved forwards. Without even thinking, he jogged over.

“Hi there, uh, I was wondering if I could help you at all?” She startled and Ashton immediately felt bad.

“Oh you silly lad, giving me a fright like that. I’m old you know.” The welsh accent had caught him off guard and he stuttered for a reply before she laughed. “Don’t worry, but would you mind? These bones aren’t as good as they used to be.”

And so he helped her carry the last of her groceries.

She invited him in for a cold drink and he checked his watch. He still had another couple of hours before the next delivery arrived.

“Figured to make this a holiday home of sorts. I like the climate and although Barcelona is preferable, I need to keep options open. My great-niece would absolutely love it out here, especially the way she jabbers on about wanting to leave England. Oh, I didn’t introduce myself did I? I’m Jenni.”

“Ashton.” He held his hand out and she took it.

“Good strong lad you are. Let me at least feed you before you go back to settling in.” And so Ashton stayed, allowing Jenni to learn his life story and in return she told him of her own family back home.

---

Over the next few years, Jenni visited often enough, once every couple of months. They always had new stories to swap and he found that he appreciated how she was so brash but upfront with him.

When he’d had his heart broken, she sat with him for the day, going about her knitting and allowing him just the solitude of silence, but the clicking sound of her knitting needles was the soft reminder that someone was there with him.

When Luke started to go off the rails, she took him under her wing too, but she was much more firmer, her harsh accent making the soft words of comfort seem uncaring. But Luke had seen her smile with the words and he understood why Ashton loved her as family.

She was supportive and soon Luke got to learn the stories that Ashton already knew, of her family back home, of her nieces and nephews and her great-nieces and great-nephews.

During the times she wasn’t in the house, Ashton promised to look after it for her so that she wouldn’t have to worry about it.

---

It was early September when he returned from an early morning run to find the lights on in Jenni’s house. He headed into his own to shower and change before heading back to Jenni’s.

Using his spare key, he kept his footsteps quiet as he eyed the suitcase sat on the stairs. He knew that it wasn’t Jenni’s.

He came upon the kitchen to see a woman his age, vivid pink curls hanging loose as he heard the kettle bubble in front of her.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

His voice startled her, a scream escaping as she spun around, the empty mug sailing to the floor as her hand gripped her chest.

“Don’t frighten me like that!” She half yelled a second later, her breathing heavy. But Ashton crossed his arms over his chest.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I was making a cup of tea. It’s been a long flight from England.” Ashton nearly groaned at the smart ass comment. The way she said it reminded him of Jenni.

“Who are you and why are you in my neighbours home?”

“My name’s Seren. Judging from the key in your hand, you’re Ashton? Did you not receive any emails or notifications from Ellis and Co?” At his look of bafflement, her face fell and Ashton felt his phone ding.

“Hold that thought-”

“Wait, just check the name. If it’s from them, the email can wait.” He glanced at the notification, confirming that it was an email from Ellis and Co.

“Why would I be getting an email from them?”

“I’m so sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this. Jenni passed away last week.” He froze, eyeing the woman in front of him whose eyes were watery and he could see the honesty in them. Then it hit him.

Jenni was gone.

He found himself stumbling back into the counter and sucking in a harsh breath as he felt tears trickle down his cheeks.

“How?” The question was hollow and he could see her own tears fall.

“She had a series of heart attacks last Tuesday and fell into a coma. She passed away Thursday morning. I would’ve gotten in touch sooner but we only just found out about the house out here.” She whispered and he nodded in understanding.

“Do you mind if I call my friend? It’s just-Jenni helped him too. He absolutely adores-adored her.” He caught himself and watched more tears roll down her cheek as she nodded her head.

“It’s fine. He-you’re both welcome to stay for tea and some food. I picked some up on my way from the airport.” He nodded in thanks before stepping outside and calling Luke.

“You realise the time is still fuckin’ early right?” His bandmate mumbled and Ashton sighed.

“It’s Jenni.” Ashton’s voice was soft and Luke understood immediately.

“I’ll be round in fifteen.” Came the just as soft reply before the dial tone followed. Ashton waited outside, unsure until Luke showed up and the both of them headed back into the house.

“Seren, this is my friend Luke. Luke, this is Seren, Jenni’s niece?” He directed at her and she half smiled as she shook Luke’s hand.

“Great-niece. I wish I could’ve met you both in better circumstances.” Luke nodded his head.

“She’s really gone?” She could feel her heart break all over again and the look on her features seemed to register with the boys.

“She’s gone. We had the will reading a couple of days ago. Ellis had been muttering about houses needing to be sorted out. I now understand why.” She guested to the home they stood in.

“Has the funeral happened yet?” She shook her head.

“Jenni mentioned you both in her will. Unfortunately they couldn’t find a reasonable contact for the both of you so Ellis was relying on me asking around to find out who you were. The funeral is at the end of the week, I’ll be flying back out for it but then flying back here again.”

“Would it be okay if we-”

“You’re family according to Jenni. Says she practically adopted two very tall Australians who couldn’t cook.”

Luke’s face burned a bright red and Ashton snickered.

“How did you guys meet her?” Seren returned to the kitchen cupboards, pulling down three mugs before she began to pick up the broken pieces of the one she dropped.

“I was moving in next door and I noticed she was struggling with her groceries. So I helped her.” Ashton explained with a shrug and Seren chuckled.

“What about you?” Her eyes turned to Luke and his cheeks flushed, his gaze dropping.

“I’ve been, uh, going through a tough time. Jenni gave me the words I needed to hear, even when I didn’t want to hear them.” He admitted quietly and Seren smiled softly.

“She does that. I went off the rails a couple of years ago, my family didn’t want anything to do with me.” She admitted softly as she handed them their teas. Ashton breathed out an ‘oh’ in understanding.

“You’re the one who stayed with her whilst she was in England?” He asked quietly and she guided them to the front room, taking a seat. Luke and Ashton sat on the couch whilst she picked the armchair closest to the two.

“Yeah. She was always so brutally honest, even when you didn’t want to hear it. But it was, refreshing I guess. She didn’t pander to me, but she made sure my needs were met and anything else was on my part.”

Luke felt his chest feel lighter than it’d done in months.

“She made you feel like you succeeded?” His voice was quiet and Ashton realised that maybe it was common ground for the two, and just maybe he’d start to recover.

“She was good at that. Tear you down a peg or two if you were getting cocky, mind you.” The three of them laughed at that. Seren had placed her mug down on the coffee table and placed the heels of her hands against her eyes.

“I just expected her to live forever.” She finally whispered and they were lost at what to say.

Luke finally put his mug down and crouched in front of Seren, his hand resting on her knee, making her move her hands from her eyes. He smiled, feeling his own tears.

“When they’re that important to us, we expect life to bend to our wishes and grant them mercy.” And she laughed, tears falling as she did so.

“But mercy would be too harsh on those who are ready for their reaper.” She finally finished off and both men gave her a smile. “Sorry, I’m still processing it myself and now this is all going on, I’m just feeling so lost.” Ashton shook his head.

“Don’t apologise. I think we’re trying to get our heads around it.” He stood up and stretched. “Do you two mind if I just run over to grab a couple of things? That is, if you’re okay with us staying for a bit longer?” He turned the question to Seren who nodded her head.

“I think company is very much needed. I want to learn about you both as well, not second hand.” This had them both giving her small smiles whilst Ashton headed over to his house.

Luke returned to his spot on the couch and the two of them fell silent for a few moments, gathering thoughts.

“How did you pull back?” Luke’s question was quiet and she looked over, green eyes meeting blue. She could see dark circles under his eyes and she felt her heart go out to him.

“Spite. My family, they tossed me away as a lost cause. I’d been homeless for a month before Jenni drove to the shelter and demanded I get in the car. She ranted and raved about how wrong they were, how I needed help. I cried for most of that journey because she was the first person to show that she cared.” Seren admitted softly and Luke gave her a weak smile.

“I went to Ashton eventually. My relationship, it was toxic. It was unhealthy. I was drinking every other night and there was some kind of drug I wanted to try. She was the worst thing for me, and I destroyed myself for her.” He ran fingers through his blonde curls and she nodded in understanding.

“When you believe it’s love, every view is skewed until you can take off the rose-coloured glasses.” She hummed softly and he felt his lips quirk up in response.

“How long did it take for you to recover?”

“She stopped me cold turkey. I had a week of flu like symptoms, headaches, vomiting, shaking, fever, cold sweats. She kept me cooped up in the house to stop me from trying to find a fix. Ever since, she worked with me to get better.”

“She did that to me too. Ashton’s been helping a lot, but it’s been difficult.” He admitted quietly and she understood.

“Hey, I know how it feels. If you want, you’re more than welcome to come around just to talk.” Her front door opened.

“It’s just me.” Ashton called through and her heart sank for a second before she fired back.

“Damn, here I thought you were the ghost of christmas past, coming a few months late.” This set the both of them laughing and she found herself smiling.

“I might just take you up on the offer.” Luke hummed to her as Ashton made his way through and held up a tub of ice cream.

“Jenni’s go to answer when you’re sad. Any advice she gave, even if it was just silly things like ‘keep a tub of ice cream for the days when you’re sad and you don’t want to leave the house.’ Seren laughed.

“Never let your tea bags fall to a quarter of a bag. Buy two when you go shopping just in case.” She recited from memory and it felt good to be able to share these little quirks.

As they drank tea and shared ice cream, they bonded over a shared love for a woman who took no nonsense and had a heart of gold.

---

When the day arrived for the flight back home, she could feel her hands begin to tremble. Luke noticed and wrapped his hand around hers and she gave him a shaky smile, her bottom lip trembling.

Over the week, she’d gotten close to Ashton and Luke. Ashton seemed to understand that despite being the same age as him, she treated him like an older brother. And he took to the role easily having already been an older brother to three of his best friends.

With Luke, they shared an understanding of the struggles they both faced. Even though she was far ahead in her recovery, she understood his bad days and offered him sanctuary when the world was difficult to face and he didn’t want to be alone. He offered her companionship on the days when the house was too empty of Jenni’s loud remarks and laughter.

The flight was long and exhausting. Both Luke and Ashton had to talk her down from panic whilst they were in the air, her tired mind coming up with awful scenarios of arguments she wasn’t ready to face.

When they landed in London, it was a small connecting flight to Cardiff before the long journey back to Jenni’s home in Carmarthen. Seren apologised to both of them at her small car, but they simply laughed it off.

“At least it wasn’t a two person convertible.” Ashton teased as Luke climbed into the back. Her cheeks were a dark red as she climbed into the drivers side and they began the journey from Cardiff.

When they pulled up to a small bungalow two hours later, Ashton gave her a confused look.

“Jenni handled stairs so well back in LA...” He trailed off in confusion and a wistful smile appeared on Seren’s lips.

“The heat probably made it easier on her joints so she didn’t suffer as much as she did when in England. I hope you guys are okay with helping me pack up some of her things to ship back to LA.” Her cheeks turned red and she felt a hand rest on her shoulder.

“It’s fine. So you’re staying in LA for good then?”

“I don’t have anything here for me. The memories are sweet, but LA is sweeter.” The two chuckled as they climbed out of the car and she groaned under her breath at the black BMW parked at the end of the road.

“You’re about to meet my family. If they try to goad you into an argument, please don’t listen. We just need to rest before heading to Ellis so you guys can hear your parts of the will yourselves.” They both nodded, opting to leave their carry on’s in Seren’s car.

They watched in shock as they stepped through the door, an older woman who looked just like Jenni wrap her fingers around Seren’s wrist and yank up her sleeve, dragging her into the living room where and older man was sat.

Seren wrestled her arm free from the apparent vice like grip, her cheeks flushed in anger.

“So you weren’t with your druggie friends. Shame, I’d have liked that house in the States.” Both Luke and Ashton were stunned at the careless words.

“If you’d paid any fucking attention to Ellis when he said she’d left me the house in LA under set conditions, I said I’d go out and check the house and try to find both Ashton and Luke.” Cold eyes turned to the men stood behind Seren and she looked them up and down.

“After the money then, huh? Saw an old woman and decided to try your luck? We won’t let you have a fucking penny of it. You especially, it’ll go into those drugs of yours.” She sneered down at Seren who took a step back and let out a slow breath.

“Ashton was Jenni’s neighbour and Luke visited often enough that Jenni took him under her wing too. Just because we aren’t all money grabbing thieves like you and your sister, Tami.” Both of them could see Seren’s shoulders shaking.

“Seren, are they meant to be in the house?” Ashton finally asked and she shook her head.

“No. The house was locked when I left and I took all the spare keys, even the one from Ellis.”

“Then ma’am. I suggest you leave, because by the sounds of that you’ve broken and entered into a home that isn’t yours.” Ashton’s voice held a tone that would not take no for an answer.

Tami shared a look with, who Ashton assumed was, her husband and he shook his head slowly at her. She sneered in response to him before turning back to Seren and Ashton.

“You’ll have no proof to back up the claims and no one will believe little druggie over here.” Seren felt Ashton step up behind her, his fingers resting on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“We have plenty of proof. And for your comment earlier? About being after the money? Luke and I combined have a net worth of forty million dollars, so money isn’t an issue for us. Therefore money will buy the best lawyers and not only will we come for you for breaking and entering but they’ll comb through every little thing you’ve done that could be prosecution worthy.” Tami stumbled back in shock.

“Get out of my home.” Seren finally spoke and she closed her eyes tightly as Tami barged past her, the slamming of the front door making her flinch.

“She’d be proud of you. I know that Jenni wished for children, but you were her greatest gift, cariad.” A tear slipped down Seren’s cheek.

“Please. Just go.” She finally whispered and he nodded.

“I’m sorry, cariad. In another life, I would’ve left your mother for Jenni in a heartbeat once you were born.” His hand rested on her shoulder and squeezed softly before moving past, the soft click of the door being the only noise before she sank down onto the sofa, tears falling at an alarming rate.

Luke sat beside her, his hand resting on her knee and she turned her head to his shoulder as she got it out. They didn’t say anything until she’d calmed down.

“Your parents, I assume?” Ashton asked quietly once her head had turned back towards him. She nodded her head.

“Tami was always cold with me, distant. Dad, dad’s a different story. He was furious when Tami threw me out but he couldn’t do much.” She admitted quietly, her eyes falling shut as she took in several slow deep breaths.

“C’mon, let’s grab the paperwork and get the last bit of the will reading sorted out.” Ashton hummed and she allowed Luke to pull her up, her body feeling heavy as she went to find the paperwork before they checked and rechecked the locks before locking up and climbing back in the car.

---

When they pulled up to the offices, she was quiet as they reached the receptionist. Ashton took over.

“We received notification about a will reading-”

“Names?”

“Ashton Irwin and Luke Hemmings.” The receptionist eyed Seren with a critical look before sighing.

“Ellis doesn’t have an appointments. I’ll let him know you’ve arrived. Please take a seat.” She nodded to the cluster of chairs and the trio moved to sit down.

Moments later, Ellis stepped from the doors and motioned them in.

“Mr Irwin and Mr Hemmings, I presume?” Ashton nodded.

“I’m Ashton, this is Luke.” They both shook Ellis’ hands and Ellis looked to Seren who was clearly exhausted.

“Please tell me-”

“I haven’t. We’ve not long gotten back in the country and I just had a fight with my parents. I’m exhausted.” He nodded in understanding.

“I’m sorry. Anyway, to move onto the matters of the will. Ms Evans explicitly stated that these were for you two. There are two letters, one for the both of you as well as items of value. To Mr Hemmings, she’s left her piano. In the will she’s stated that your letter will explain why she left it.” Luke felt his chest constrict as he looked down at the closed letter in his hands.

“What do I need to do?”

“I just need you to sign here for it and then if you could give an address to be shipped to and it’ll be with you within the next few weeks.” Luke nodded and scrawled his signature down on the paper. Ellis filed it immediately.

“And to Mr Irwin, Ms Evans has left you her array of drums that she’s collected over the years of her travelling. Once more she stated that your letter with explain why she left them to you.”

Ashton signed the document, Ellis once more filing the paperwork before turning to Seren.

“Seren, you know as well as the house, you’ve been named her sole heir for her properties. How much more time do you need?”

“Keep the property in Spain. It’ll be a good holiday home. For now, set up a third party to maintain the house and upkeep and maybe I’ll put it up on one of the host sites for travellers.” He nodded his head and began to make notes.

“Sell the one in Wales. I have no plans to stay in England after the funeral.” His head snapped up in shock.

“Are you sure?”

“Very.”

Once the last details were ironed out, they headed back to the bungalow and Seren glanced at the time. It was early evening.

“Do you guys want to order a takeout?” Both of them grinned.

“Sure. You thinking Chinese, Indian or-”

“Pizza.” She finished off and she felt a grin creep up on her lips as she went through the drawers that held the menus from various restaurants.

Once their orders had been placed and paid for by Luke, much to her protest, they settled in the front lounge, Ashton taking the armchair and Luke and Seren settling on the couch to watch whatever program was playing.

It was easy watching whilst they waited for the pizza, laughing at some of the jokes before they talked about their own stories.

By the time the pizza had arrived, they were more relaxed and it felt like the earlier argument with her mother hadn’t even happened. As the night continued, Seren ended up lay across the couch, her head in Luke’s lap whilst they watched a cheesy sitcom and laughed till their stomachs hurt.

The following morning was the funeral. Luke and Ashton both knew they couldn’t sit with Seren, but promised to sit just behind her. She felt slight relief at that.

When they reached the chapel, Luke could see she was falling into autopilot mode and so he steered her towards Ellis who promised to help her before they took their seats. They received a few looks from the older people in the crowd, but otherwise no one commented on them being there.

When Seren sat in front of them when the casket had been brought in, Luke reached forward and she gripped his hand for fear life. She didn’t let go and he wasn’t about to. Ashton found his lips twitching softly.

The service was tough, especially when Seren gave her eulogy on Jenni, her voice cracking every now and then but she managed to hold it together.

Afterwards, she stood apart from her parents, most people coming to her first before moving on to Tami and her father. Once the majority had passed their condolences, Luke and Ashton moved over to her, Luke’s hand taking hold of hers. She looked up, startled.

“C’mon. We’ll show for the wake for half an hour and then hit the road.” Ashton murmured and she simply nodded, her gaze unfocused as they climbed into the car. Ashton, having the most experience with the roads, slid into the driver's seat. Seren moved into the back seat with Luke and he let her rest her head against his shoulder, his hand squeezing hers gently.

“When we get back, We’ll stick on a cleaning playlist and start packing up. How does that sound?” She nodded her head and Luke held back a sigh.

His eyes met Ashton’s in the rear view mirror and Ashton could only give him a helpless shrug in response as they headed to the small village hall that was hosting the wake.

“I don’t want to go in.” She whispered when they arrived.

“Ten minutes. You just need to show up, maybe grab one drink and then we can go, I promise.” Ashton compromised and her heart was aching.

“You met me barely a week ago, but here the both of you are...” She could feel the lump build in her throat. Ashton turned in his seat and gave her a kind smile.

“Jenni spoke highly of you when she came back to LA. For one, she’d be disappointed in both of us if we didn’t help you. But also, it feels like we’ve known you for years, regardless. You’re our friend now, and we look after friends. Ten minutes.” She finally agreed and allowed Luke to help her from the car.

When she stepped into the hall, eyes moved to her and she felt herself cower into Luke for a second and he pulled her to the direction of the food table.

“Ashton will get us drinks.” He whispered and she nodded her head, not willing to stand too far from Luke who seemed to be a deterrent to a lot of people, Tami included.

When Ashton joined them both, handing her a sprite whilst Ashton passed Luke a coke, they waited with her, her eyes glancing to the clock briefly.

One of her cousins seemed to be brave enough to approach her just as the clock showed seven minutes had passed.

“So, you gonna explain the two body guards? Or are they just to make sure you behave” Had the smile not been on her cousin’s lips, Seren would’ve burst into tears, she was sure of it. But Lucy wasn’t one to beat around the bush, but nor was she one to hold things against Seren.

“This is Luke and Ashton. My neighbours back in LA. They knew Jenni well and Ashton looked after her home whilst she was away.” Seren explained and Lucy nodded her head.

“Good to see that you’ll be looked out for then. You aren’t going to stick around, are you?” Seren shook her head.

“No, it’s too much and I don’t want to be near her or her band of money grabbers.” Lucy grinned.

“I’ll fly out one day, come visit you when I’ve finished university. How about we go out for a smoke and your lovely men can join us?” At Lucy’s wink, Seren felt relief flood her. She was being given a way out without making it obvious she was leaving.

Hooking her arm through Seren’s, Lucy pulled her forward from Luke’s grip, so the two of them followed after the girls.

Only when the three were in the car and far enough away did Lucy go back in and when people asked her where Seren had gone, she shrugged.

“It was overwhelming. She needed to get away so she sends her apologies with her thanks to everyone who came. She’s gonna be a busy girl over the next few days because she’s packing up Jenni’s home so that she can fly out to LA without having to worry about coming back to do it in the future.”

When they were back at the house, it wasn’t even three pm, so Luke stuck on a cleaning playlist, Ashton found some boxes in a storage cupboard and they started packing up the ornaments, pictures frames and trinkets.

The next few days seemed to be routine with the three. They ventured in the small town to get some plastic storage boxes for the books and records that were being shipped across to LA. A lot of the furniture was being sent to storage to wait to be auctioned or sold. The bungalow was empty after three days and the three of them made up a blanket fort with the last of the sheets and blankets that would be packed away first thing before they were picked up for shipping.

“So what are you going to do when you get back to LA?” She asked as they settled under the blankets. Ashton glanced to Luke who shrugged.

“We’re working on an album. Taking our time on it.” Luke finally answered.

“What about you?” Ashton asked quietly and she shrugged.

“Find a job, get my citizenship sorted. I’m waiting to hear back from one company. Jenni put in a good word for me, she knows the manager. It’s just a receptionist gig, but it puts me back in a position to work harder, especially if I get it because, well I don’t want to let her down.” Her cheeks were flushed pink and Ashton nodded.

“If it falls through, I know that that our management are always looking for PR or even just managers for artists and bands. If that’s something you’d go for?” Seren shrugged.

“If this one falls through, I might ask if you could find out for me if they’re hiring.” He grinned.

“You’ll be fine. She’s gonna be watching over you and making sure the chips fall in the right place for you, you know that right?” She chuckled at him before nodding.

“Absolutely.”

---

When they returned back to LA, it seemed easy to fall back into a pattern. Ashton introduced her to his friends, especially after Luke quietly told her that he was pulling away from his so called friends and didn’t want the temptation for either of them. She appreciated that.

As the band got to work on the album, she began to expand her social circle, especially when she got her job and it helped her hold steady as the days grew shorter and Christmas fast approached.

Despite having only known them for three months, she felt like she’d known them her entire life. And they could see that she was struggling with the festivities.

So Ashton had gotten in touch with her cousin Lucy and they concocted a plan. Since Seren didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving anyway, it was easy enough to convince her to come around to Ashton’s for the day.

“I’d rather celebrate friends-giving, since we’re both technically outsiders here who don’t want to celebrate the day.” She had grinned and agreed.

Luke was lying in wait with Lucy and snapped the moment she spotted her cousin and Ashton knew he’d made the right choice as she practically flung herself at Lucy, making the brunette laugh.

“I missed you too, you little weirdo. C’mon, Ashton promised the best food and I’ve met all of your friends. I’m proud of you baby cuz.” At the nickname Seren groaned and shoved Lucy’s shoulder before they headed into the living room where the group had congregated. She fell into the open spot by Michael who wrapped his arms around her shoulder in greeting.

“So baby cuz, huh?” His tone was teasing and Seren rolled her eyes.

“She’s called me that ever since we were kids and we realised she’s like, a week older than me.” There were scattered giggles.

“At least you got the beautiful Welsh name. Mum refused dad’s suggestion when I was born.” Lucy pouted at her and she felt a flash of smugness before shrugging.

“Jenni would’ve taken off Tami’s head had she decided to name me anything but a Welsh name. You know this.”

“What does your name mean?” Luke asked and Seren smiled at him, her face lighting up.

“It’s Welsh for star. And hey Luce, I know for a fact that you would’ve been named Sapphire had your mum not stepped in.” The two girls giggled as the group fell into relaxed chatter.

Every now and then, people would go into the kitchen to grab drinks, the food nearly done. It was on one of the trips that Seren was grabbing a bottle of water for herself when Ashton called Luke into the kitchen for a hand.

His groan could be heard and Seren laughed at the name he called Ashton as they passed each other in the doorway.

“Mistletoe!” Came calls from the living room and both of them froze, eyes darting up the sprig of mistletoe that was taped to the doorway.

They’d forgotten about that.

Blue eyes met green and Seren realised that maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing. She could see the blush on his cheeks and wondered if his heart was beating as wildly as hers.

“You know they’ll yell at us if we don’t do it properly.” He murmured and she could feel the heat rise in her cheeks.

“I mean, I’m fine with it, but only-only if you are and we shouldn’t have to bow to their pressure just because-” His lips were on hers and her eyes slid shut, kissing him back almost immediately. Calloused fingers moved under her chin, holding her, and her hands went around his neck, one hand still holding her water-bottle, so the other locked around her wrist.

His hand slid from her chin down to her waist and she could hear the wolf whistles as he pulled away.

“Shouldn’t bow to their pressure, huh?” He teased her, a gentle smile on his lips. Her eyes finally opened, a smile on her own.

“Shut up.” When they pulled away, cheeks red, he took her hand in his and pulled Seren through to Ashton’s back garden. He sat down on one of the chairs and before she could move further from him, he tugged her to sit down on his lap.

She felt her cheeks grow warm once more as she settled so that her legs were on one side, his hands resting around her waist.

“You’re being very bold tonight, Hemmings.” She teased and he couldn’t help but grin.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks. Pretty sure Ash set up this elaborate plan just to get us to kiss.” She snorted and leaned her head against his, his face tilting so that he could kiss her temple.

Her heart was racing.

“Weeks, huh?”

“You’ve shown nothing but kindness and managed to get yourself into the spot reserved for best friends. However, I don’t really want to kiss Ashton.”

Seren giggled.

“I think I might need a second kiss, just to make sure that I’m making a good decision.” This time he let her lead the kiss, her lips so soft and unsure, but as his grip got a little bit firmer around her waist, she seemed to relax against him, her tongue tracing his lips. They parted for her almost immediately and he knew then that the only thing he would ever get addicted to was her.

She pulled away, her forehead resting against his as she drew in deep breaths, her cheeks flushed and lips curved into a smile. Luke couldn’t take his eyes off her.

“Definitely a good decision.” She murmured and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly, his lips capturing hers once more, in brief but sweet kiss.

“Can I take you out on a date tomorrow?” He breathed and Seren nodded her head, the slow smile creeping across her face.

“Is your heart beating as fast as mine?” The question seemed so innocent to his ears and it took her a second before she realised she spoke it aloud, her eyes widening as her cheeks burned a bright red. Luke simply slid the leather jacket off his shoulders and moved back a bit so she could lean down, her ear pressed against his chest.

A soft ‘oh’ escaped her lips and he laughed as she sat up, her cheeks still red but her lips pulled back into a wide smile.

“So the feeling is mutual then?” At his words, she took his hand, pressing his index and middle finger on her wrist and he understood what she meant. He could feel the pulse of her heart, and he knew that it was going just as fast for her as it was for him.

“I know you guys have got the tour coming up, but I know there is gonna be time off as well. I want to make it work.” Seren murmured and he nodded in understanding.

“The kind of person Jenni raised you to be, and helped teach me to be? I’m pretty sure our stubborn sides will win out and we will make this work.” He whispered and she grinned, her lips meeting his once more.

“Good.”

When they returned to the house, amid the wolf whistles and knowing looks, Seren realised that she wouldn’t have this any other way. Even with the pain of losing someone who was practically a mother to her in some ways and best friend in another, she was healing.

As they raised a toast to each other, Ashton looked at her and she smiled.

“To teulu.” Lucy beamed at Seren’s words.

“To family.” She responded back and understanding crossed everyone’s faces as they followed Lucy’s lead.

---

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[thehivemindwrites]

A  Series of Disconnected Thoughts, Cast into the Void in No Particular Order

1. I’ve been finding myself thinking more and more about Kill Six Billion Demons recently. Not just because it’s absolutely gorgeous artwork and Moebius-meets-prog-metal stylings are extremely my shit (KSBD is responsible for adding Gojira to my rotation of workout music, and that alone has me in its debt), but because I can really appreciate a main character who is a walking disaster coming to some kind of enlightenment through a combination of getting her ass handed to her repeatedly, making questionable decisions, and basically just deciding to struggle forwards because I don’t know, what the fuck else is there to do? It’s hardly original (see: basically any shounen about The Power of Friendship and Not Giving Up) but damn if the presentation of it in this particular case isn’t particularly delightful. Plus it gave us the image of a giant hulking demon wearing a jacket that says KILL BOSS and that’s rad.The creator of KSBD is also co-creator, as it happens, of the newly released Lancer TTRPG, which I backed on Kickstarter and will, one day, get a rad fucking hardcover copy of (but for now I’m reading through the pdf and swearing oaths that one day I will play it). Anyway, as someone who also got where he is through a series of questionable decisions and getting his ass handed to him by life in general (oh, and an enormous amount of luck), I can relate. Plus the phrase “Reach heaven through violence,” while kind of terrible on the surface, feels good to shout at yourself while you’re off for a run. 

2. Part of this whole exercise thing - a side-effect of it, if you wanna call it that - is that generally I feel better about myself like in general. I’ve mentioned that before. What it doesn’t do, of course, is magically mean that I’m now 100% good and not still dogged by a persistent sense of self-loathing that I’ve just had to accept will never really go away. Like for example: I’ve lost 35 kg since starting this whole gym thing, except you might remember the goal was 40. I still haven’t hit that goal, and frankly I’ve spent the last like three months bouncing around the same like, 3 kg zone because I’ve been traveling a lot and that basically fucks up my workout and eating routine. It’s frustrating, and it sure does let the part of me that knows deep down that I’m a fat fucker and always will be no matter what I do run wild from time to time. Which is, I’m coming to understand, just gonna always be there. This stuff doesn’t go away! Ever! 

Which doesn’t mean it’s right, even a little. You tune it out and throw yourself into battle with it over and over again. You get bloodied and broken and claw back and then you get bloodied and broken some more. Insert that gif from Princess Bride of Westly saying LIFE IS PAIN, HIGHNESS here. Thing is, there’s something about the struggle that’s nice. I am not sure how motivated I’d be to do anything if part of it wasn’t motivated by the desire to prove my dumb brain wrong about, uh, me. If I wasn’t fighting the various little demons that plague me every so often, I doubt I’d be so well-adjusted. I certainly wouldn’t be mentally healthy. None of this makes sense as I read it back, of course - it sounds like I’m saying “boy it’s nice to be miserable,” which isn’t true. Being miserable sucks shit! I don’t recommend it! But it is nice to see misery coming and punch it in the face (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes I think the thing that makes me go to the gym and work so hard (this sounds like I’m bragging, but I can assure you I’m not - “work so hard” means “not collapse and fall off the elliptical after five minutes because oh god I don’t want to be here”) is out of some desire for self-annihilation through pushing myself past my physical limits. Reach heaven through violence (see, I told you it sounded cool).

3. The world has gotten really fucking bad for a lot of people, and I don’t know that it will get better for them any time soon. In fact, given the latest talk from the ol’ UN Climate Change report, it’s gonna get even worse. I would very much prefer that were not the case! It’s motivation enough to get out and vote and shit, at least for me - and as someone who is, you know, ridiculously privileged, that’s the absolute least I can do. Which is why I try to do more, mostly involving donating money to causes that seem like they’re able to cause the sort of trouble that needs to be caused. Or just use expertise to protect the people I don’t know how to protect, because I’m a lot of things, and one of them happens to be smart enough to know that I don’t know shit. So I make sure people that do know shit have the money they need. Pretty straightforward, I think. 

The other thing I try to do, because giving money isn’t really something I think about much at all (I’m stupidly fucking fortunate to have a job that pays well, remember), is occasionally go out and actually be present at protests and the like - there are a lot of climate protests and they’re all a good time. Occasionally it’s worth overcoming one’s intense social anxiety to do so. Lord knows it’s significantly less of a risk for me to be out shouting at cops than most. 

4. She-Ra might be one of the best shows out there. There’s something nice about a show that both does and does not present a simple world. Yes, the Horde is bad. Like, objectively bad! They do a lot of looting and subjugating and are generally just deeply not chill people.On the other hand, the people who make up the Horde are still people, and I have a lot of time for a show that can manage to humanize its Big Bad Villain whilst still making it very clear they are  still, you know, not good. It’s messy, and complicated, and sad, because sometimes you have to fight people you used to be friends with! Sometimes you have to make the call that hey, we can’t be friends anymore, because I can’t support the things you’re doing anymore. I’ve made that call before - I bet everyone has, at some point (if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ll have to eventually). Fortunately for me, it’s never been that difficult of a choice, if only because the people I had to go against weren’t people I’d known for very long. 

Anyway, that’s part of it - you gotta just cut people out sometimes. There’s more to it though, because the other thing the show believes is that everyone - even the real shitty people - can change. It doesn’t mean everything’s forgiven, and it doesn’t erase all the bad shit, but they can still change. It’s worth changing, even if it isn’t a cure-all. 

So yeah, I like She-Ra a lot. It’s also just well-written, and funny, and it’s a real good time to see a bunch of diverse characters running around having adventures and being fuckin’ rad. Plus, they’ve shown an incredible willingness to completely change the stakes from season to season - the end of season four in particular is  the equivalent of detonating all the things you thought were important. It pulls a bait and switch so ruthless that I might have applauded if I wasn’t so self-conscious about making noise that my neighbors might hear. The combination of season 3 and 4 was a masterclass on raising the stakes and then explaining that actually, you were playing for stakes even higher than you could’ve thought possible. Oh, and the people you thought you could trust were just using you, and hey, what if we got rid of the thing that you’ve more or less defined yourself by for the entire show? Good luck in season five, motherfucker! I’m a fan, is what I’m saying.

6. Work on Vanquisher 2103 continues apace. I mentioned this before, but we’re doing a once-a-month schedule while the holidays and work beat my ass into the ground, and as it turns out I really enjoy taking a full month to write a chapter. It’s a comically slow pace, but it’s working for me and hopefully the fact that the chapters have tended to be a little longer (and allowed me to expand on ideas a little more, and do a little more research here and there) makes it worth the longer wait. I’d like this thing to be good! There’s a part of my brain, again, that will always insist that nobody reads this and it’s bad and I’m fucking up, constantly - that point, at least, is probably accurate. I am writing characters who in theory have life experiences that are very much Not Mine, which involves a lot of reading things from people who would know better than I do. It’s nerve-wracking, and the only thing I am bone-deep certain of is that I’ll fuck up and hopefully y’all will forgive me for fucking up when that happens. I’ll keep reading and refining and eventually maybe it’ll be okay. Hopefully, anyway.

7. I went to Ireland and guys, Ireland is bullshit. I am offended by its gorgeous cliff-sides and open grasslands and heart-rending beauty. The immense friendliness of the people I met and the fact that you can’t sit in a pub without hearing some dude play a jaunty reel on a tin whistle or accordion or something is a personal insult. I was Arthur Dent angrily demanding to know why this bloody fish is so good the whole time.

I cultivated an immense drinking habit while there. I was also approached by a random German tourist who somehow clocked that I could speak German and we shouted about socialism for an hour auf Deutsch. I met some woman from Louisiana and we ended up having drinks a couple nights in a row to talk about traveling in general and Germany in particular, because her ex-husband is German. There were some Swedish retirees who were both very pleased by their country’s social safety net and also depressingly sour about the fact that refugees got cheap dental care - we might have had some harsh words exchanged before more drinks helped smooth over our frank discussion of differing viewpoints. I had to explain American health care to some people from the UK who were surprisingly gung-ho about the idea of privatized medicine until they talked to me (one of them talked about how the UK used to be an Empire and could be again in such a way that made me want to throw things. We did not talk for very long because I couldn’t fuckin’ handle it). These were strangers that I willingly engaged, because I was having an adventure, and I guarantee none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been going to the gym and committed to the idea of proving the voice in my head that tells me I’m an awkward mess that nobody would ever want to talk to in their life wrong (also, let’s be honest, if I hadn’t had several pints of cider at the time). 

By the end of the trip if I heard one more pub singer’s version of Whisky in the Jar though, that I was gonna produce my pistol and fucking shoot myself in the head.

Go to Ireland if you can. If you live there, fuck you how dare you live somewhere that rad.

8. I didn’t have an eighth thing but I’m committed to this “each thing is numbered” bit which means that even the end of this thing has to follow the trope. This is the end of the post where I say “okay bye I’ll be back the next time I get the urge to throw a bunch of highly unpolished ideas out.” 

[corvidexoskeleton]

Sweet and pure asks, ALL OF THEM

HRAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH I guess I did kind of bring this upon myself lol

Do you believe in soul mates?

Not really 

Diary or journal?

Journal, sort of. Whenever things get really bad in life, I try to keep track of what goes on day-to-day, and it seems to help me get by, somehow. But, two years ago I decided to take up doing that thing where you keep track of how the year is going by marking each day, and I actually kinda like it

Which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

Squall Leonhart is usually my go-to answer for this, cause I kinda-sorta projected onto him a lot as a kid 

Are you crushing on someone?

Hmmm not exactly? I mean, I’ve got a bit a slight crush on, like, some friends of mine, but it’s more of a “I wouldn’t mind dating if you wanted” kind of thing, ya feel?

Kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

I hear kissing in the rain is pretty messy, but I also really love the rain so????? Both????? 

Describe your aesthetic in emojis

☠😘😎💀🤘🦴🐉🌹🥩🔪🎃🌋

What is your favorite memory?

Currently, my favorite memory is from the night of my high school graduation, during the after party. The school reserved an evening for us at this local fun center - like a really tiny, small-town chuck-e-cheese knockoff arcade/mini-golf/bouncy-house kinda place - and at one point at, like, midnight or something, I ended up sitting in this little room reserved for like drawing with a very good friend of mine. I was really hella tired, so I just kind sat next to them with my head on their shoulder and closed my eyes while they did whatever. It was the last time I was able to hang out with them in person, cause they did the exchange student thing and ended up going back to germany not long afterwards. Not really as exciting as some other stuff, but it was just a nice, quiet moment that I was able to enjoy

What is your favorite flower?

Roses and lilies 

Have you ever been in love?

Agh, I’ve definitely had a lot of crushes on people over the years, but I mean, I guess in more of a platonic kind of way, because I do love my friends, even if the feelings aren’t necessarily romantic at heart

Strawberry or vanilla?

Strawberry

Describe your favorite smell

Mmmm......... the nice musky scent of another person, or fire, fire is incredible, but also the forest in the morning when it’s still foggy and it just rained, vanilla, idk man, there’s a Lot

If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

Well assuming these are for personal gain and not to be used to fix the atrocious state our planet is in,  1) Shape-shifting babeeee! 2) Instantly learn another language or two or three 3) Not have to worry about money so I can do stuff I want like get a tattoo and visit my friend in germany and also still afford rent lol

Cookie dough or cookies?

Cookies, if only so I can eat them when they’re still warm n gooey

Coffee or tea?

I’m not really a coffee or tea drinker, but I’ll drink coffee if it’s available, and while I haven’t really enjoyed most tea I’ve tried, there have been a few that I’ve liked (thai ice tea was fuckin DELICIOUS)

Would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

Oh in the forest for sure lol, I’m not a fan of the ocean

What’s your middle name?

It’s Lou! My first name is Rylee

What is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

According to google, sun is scorprio, moon is gemini, rising is Cancer

Favorite thing to do on rainy days?

Stand in the rain

How tall are you?

4′7″ (139 cm.)

Which show would you want to live in?

I wouldn’t, tbh

What is your favorite holiday?

Halloween, of course!

What scented candle is your favorite?

I don’t really buy/use candles enough to know

Favorite song right now?

Drilled A Wire Through My Cheek by Blue October 

3 ways to win your heart?

Be nice to me Be honest and straightforward, understanding my limits and capabilities, make me laugh my ass off

Current mood?

In constant pain that’s really wearing me out, but I’m trying to have a good time

What is your favorite season?

Spring and the fall are both tied

Your current relationship status?

Single as a pringle 

A photo of yourself

this is from October 12

Do you like being spoiled?

In a manner of speaking, but not, like too much, It gives me anxiety when people spend a lot of money on me 

3 habits you have?

When I walk, I absolutely need to step on every change of floor/ground/ the same amount of times (Even, starting with the right foot, ending with the left, OR exactly One Time) stepping on cracks, stepping outside of the pattern, or stepping in between messes with me. Not sure where this habit came from or when, but I’ve had it for like ten years, and while I’m pretty good at ignoring it, it still drives me insane sometimes. Second habit is I rub my fingertips together and pick at my nails constantly. Third is I rub the back of my teeth with my tongue.

How do you perceive yourself?

Not well lol, but I’m waaaayyyy better than I used to be. I can actually enjoy my appearance, which is a relief. I happen to be under the impression that I am a very funny person, but that’s mostly because it’s one of the most common things I hear people say about me

How do you think others perceive you?

For all my overthinking, I actually don’t really consider this that much. I mean, I still have the basic anxieties that people think I’m annoying, but that’s not really what I think. I don’t really give it much thought unless someone actually tells me

Things I find attractive in girls/guys

Long hair, deep/pretty/rough voices, nice arms, 

One secret about yourself

I think tap water is so disgusting  

How do you act when you have a crush?

Same as I usually do, just more on edge

The reason behind your last breakup?

Never been in a relationship to break up from

What your last text message says?

Vanilla

What show are you currently binging on?

Not watching anything atm

What is your morning routine?

Don’t really have one, I just do whatever 

Who do you miss?

My friend in germany, and another who lives about three hours away in another city

Last time you cried?

Like ten minutes ago when I tried to take some ibuprofen

When is your birthday?

October 26!

Scariest/creepiest experience?

When I lived in Washington around age 7 and I heard a disembodied child’s voice talking to me somewhere behind me

Date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

I’d prefer someone around the same age, perhaps a little younger, but I don’t mind someone older. Considering I’m still pretty young, I’d rather they stay within 5 years of me (but no younger than 18, of course)

[lordshaxxion]

AAALL for Cidrex because he is my favorite boy

alright u asked for it >:U all of this fuckery will be under a cut

Where were you rezzed?

“In a forest somewhere in the EDZ, I think. I don’t really remember much of it, I was pretty much immediately attacked by Fallen, so there was a lot of running for my life.”

How long ago was it?

“During the Dark Ages, so a reaaaally long time ago. Like, during the prime of the Iron Lords.”

Did you have anything in your pockets?

“Just a lump of crystal quartz, but it was rose-coloured and I guess that’s where my obsession with shiny things and collecting crystals from? Oh, I also had some old currency from the Golden Age. No idea what kinda currency, but I cleaned them up and they’re super shiny and really cool.”

What was your first week alive like?

“Stressful. It was a lot of learning how to survive and trusting my Ghost to heal any injuries and bring me back if I died. That was a shock in itself though, when I died for the first time.”

How did you react to your new role as a Guardian?

“Well I became an Iron Lord before I became a Guardian, and that was pretty alright until SIVA happened. After that, being a Guardian and being an Iron Lord became the same thing - just doing the right thing because no one else will, or can.”

Do you have any regrets?

“I couldn’t save my brothers and sisters of Iron from SIVA. Saladin has always told me that I couldn’t have saved them by myself, but I still regret not doing more to at least try.”

Does your ghost have a name?

“He’s called Socks-”

“IT’S SOX!”

“-because he used to hide in my sock drawer at the Iron Temple.”

What is your ghost like?

“He calls himself Sox because he wants to look cool, and I think he cares too much about how he looks from the perspective of other Ghosts. I dunno if Ghosts are judgy to one another, but what I do know is that Sox used to hang around a not-so-great group of them. He’s small for a Ghost and I think this group sorta... took the piss. He tries to act tough a lot, but I know that deep down he cares a lot and he does like his actual name.”

How do you feel about the last city and the vanguard?

“I was sent to the Last City by Saladin to act as a so-called ambassador between the City and the Temple, so it’s like a second home to me now. I know all the streets like the back of my hand, even the sectors I’m not really meant to venture into. The Vanguard are alright, they have their hiccups but I know they mean well and try their best. Well, the did until Cayde... yeah.”

What’s your favourite place to go?

“Cayde used to describe it as wanderlust, but I like wandering all over the Earth and seeing all the ruins and wilds there are. Though my favourite place out of all is the Lost Sector in Winding Cove. It’s so beautiful there with the glow-worms in the dark and the reflection of them in the water. Nice and quiet too, when it’s cleared out every other day.”

Do you participate in strikes or the crucible?

“Strikes. I leave the Crucible to my brother, Othion.”

How do you celebrate the holidays?

“I used to celebrate in getting blackout drunk with Cayde and the rest of the Vanguard, we even used to persuade Shaxx and Othion to join us sometimes. Now though I spend them by myself just tinkering with the stuff I’ve collected over the years.”

Who is your favourite NPC and who is your least favourite?

“It was and will always be Cayde. I can’t get along with Ada-1, though. She unnerves me and acts rather stuck-up despite allowing Guardians into the Black Armory now.”

Where do you sleep/call home?

“I have my own apartment in the Tower, of course, and unlike most Hunters that’s where I call home. It gets me weird looks though, I know a lot of Hunters prefer sleeping under the open stars and it gets Sox to tease me and call me ‘a domesticated hunter’.”

Do you have any pets or companions?

“I wanted to get a cat when Cayde was still around, but we never got round to doing it. Though I kinda have magpies that come to stay when I’m at home. I put feed out on the window sill for them and sometimes they come back with shiny trinkets for me. Oh, and I look after Colonel too, but I’m not allowed to keep Colonel in my apartment because other Hunters would throw a fit.”

Does anyone live with you?

“Cayde and I talked about it, about him moving in with me or something. Again, we never got round to it.”

How do you unwind or comfort yourself?

“It’s embarrassing to admit, but when me and Sox went exploring a while back we found a stash of what used to be called ‘stim toys’. Lots of pots of squishy clay-like dough. Sometimes if I’m overwhelmed I just dig out one of the pots and just sit there squishing it for an hour or so. In terms of general relaxation, if I have the attention span I’ll read or if I don’t then I’ll watch some movies. I got a good collection of Golden Age and pre-Golden Age movies now.”

What would truly break you?

“Losing someone close to me again. I lost Cayde and I wasn’t myself for a long time. If I were to go through that again, I really don’t think I’d recover at all.”

Most embarrassing moment?

“When Sox resurrected me for the first time after dying and I sat there crying and threw up for two hours. It wasn’t... my greatest moment.”

Any cherished memories?

“All of my time with Cayde, to be honest with you. Even when we argued, I cherish those memories greatly. Also the first time I discovered a rare crystal, that was a pretty good moment too.”

What was your highest and/or lowest point?

“Like I said, losing Cayde devastated me almost to a point of no return. Highest point? First Crimson Days with Cayde, we wrecked shop in the Crucible together and got banned in the same day! The look on Izel’s face was glorious.”

Views on the enemy races?

“I don’t like the Taken or Scorn, those are practically a given. Vex are annoying and freak me out a little. Cabal I loathe for what they did to the City, though that’s predominantly the Red Legion but whatever. Hive also freak me out now I think about it, though the worms they drop are kinda cute. Fallen? I just feel pity for them. They lost everything in their own version of the Collapse and are just trying to get by, and yet we keep attacking them.”

Which enemy race is your most/least favourite?

“I hate the Scorn for what they did. On the flip side of that, I rather like the Fallen. I got a chance to get to know a few, like Mithrax, and they’re honestly not that bad when you do get to know them.”

What’s your role in a fireteam? (Tank, support, buff/healer, comic relief? Or are you the dead weight?)

“Dead weight.”

“No you aren’t, Cidrex, you’re a sniper.”

Do you have any mentors/mentees?

“Saladin and many of the original Iron Lords were my mentors, but I don’t have any mentees. Hunters ask me for advice every so often, but I don’t give it. I don’t want to be in that position, I’m not a good teacher.”

What is your favourite weapon type/favourite weapon?

“Give me my DARCI and I’m good to go. I like auto rifles a lot though, despite me using snipers a lot I’m not that great up close so it’s easier for me to just kinda spray and pray without the instability of SMGs.”

Do you play Gambit?

“Sometimes. It can get really stressful trying to deal with invaders that use utter bastard weapons.”

How do you feel about the Drifter?

“I don’t know. Everything about his operations just tell me that I can’t trust him at all, but then I got to know him better and I just feel... kinda sad?”

If you could be any class/subclass (not just your own), what would you be and why?

“Striker Titan, cuz it looks like fun and a great stress and tension relief. Though, I’d like to be able to use Gunslinger properly, I’ve never been able to use it all that well even when Cayde tried to teach me. I’d just like to do it, for him.”

What are your thoughts on the Nine?

“Fuckin’ weird. I don’t trust them at all, especially not after I saw the Emissary for the first time. Though Xur’s pretty cool.”

Any secret crushes or relationships we need to know about?

“Well.... there is this one guy. Hunter, but he’s built like a Titan. Got no social skills and the emotional range of a teaspoon, but he’s charming in his own way regardless.”

“It’s Ataric.”

“SOX!” @crazy-bone-lady

Does your Ghost approve, or haven’t you told them?

“Sox is a piece of shit that tries to out my crush at every given moment. Luckily, he’s a tiny piece of shit so I can just hold him in my hands and he can’t do anything.”

You’re about to go off-planet on assignment, and will only be able to eat protein rations and food gel for a month. What’s your last meal?

“I don’t really have a preferred meal or anything, so I’d just get take-out somewhere in the City. I know a couple really good joints.”

If you could take over any NPC’s job, who would it be and why?

“Cayde’s job as Hunter Vanguard. I know every Hunter has just about run for the hills, and will always do so when they hear the words ‘Vanguard Dare’, but I’d be happy to take up the position. I’ve already taken up his cloak, might as well take the job that came with it right?”

What is the most beautiful sight you’ve seen?

“When Sox and I were exploring an Io cave system, we fell through into a massive chamber filled with crystals. The light from where we’d fallen through shone on the crystals in such a way it created an utterly breathtaking spectrum of colour. We took so many photos of that moment, it was just so amazing to see all these crystalline spires lit up and practically glowing.”

“What about that sunrise in the EDZ?”

“Oh yeah, this one was pretty good.”

Do you have a favourite colour?

“Not particularly, though green’s pretty good since I dyed my hair with it.”

Show us your favourite outfit!

“Top picture, switch the pants for the Lucky Pants and you’re sorted. Bottom picture, I miss my BrayTech hood. It was super cosy, and paired nicely with the Taimat(?) chestpiece.”

What’s your favourite shader?

“New Monarchy Diamonds and Metro Shift.”

If you could make a wish to an Ahamkara for anything - no strings attached - what would you wish for?

“To save all those I failed to save. The Iron Lords, Cayde. All of them.”

[diningpageantry]

Evolution Killed It All

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15909690/chapters/37678574

Chapter 6/16 of Love You All, Die For This

Word Count: 2131

Chapter Summary: Family isn't quite generations of blood coming together with swarms of people. Family, sometimes, is an aunt, her nephew, and his husband getting piss-drunk over Christmas. In fact, family's rarely ever just flesh and blood; it's usually who you accept and love.

Notes: thank you to @jessethejoyful for quick scanning this ! this isn’t the last appearance of fiona in the fic, btw! (god, i hope i did her justice; fingers crossed) also cw: alcohol use

FIONA

Suppose I’d say The Chosen One’s grown on me over the years. It’d be a lie if I said I wouldn’t give the world for this little shit. The way Baz looks at him? Forget it. There’s no fuckin’ way I could hold anything against him in the long-run (especially after he offed The Mage; got good marks in my books after that).

When Baz asked me to be his ‘Best Aunt’ for their wedding, I nearly shed a tear for them. Nearly. Sure, I just gave a hearty thumbs up, but it was the best I could do without spilling tears over shit that fucked me more than it should’ve. Felt fucked to have me as the only viable family there, although, granted, most of the wedding party was the Bunce family.

But I’m honored to be their only “real” family. It makes the holidays wicked; one year, I beat out Simon in shots (although, it was by default. You lose if you break my fucking coffee table.) They’ve become the kids I never made the effort in raising, but with all the perks of somebody to complain to while they bring you fancy shit at Christmas.

Although, today was vastly different than the past few years. Not to say it wasn’t cheerful at times, but it wasn’t exactly what I'd consider ‘festive’.

Sure, I know about the fight and the whole baby thing, whatever the fuck’s going on there.

I know too well that trying is probably going to get them nowhere, but hell, they wouldn’t want to hear it. After all, I didn’t have the heart to break it to them during their dinner discussion tonight.

Or their after-dinner discussion.

Or their discussion during Die Hard.

Where I’m getting at it is I got tired of them talking and told them to go to bed because we had to prep for all the Chinese takeout we’d eat the next day while getting shitfaced with spiked eggnog.

Even then, a few hours of silence didn’t prepare me for a 1 am cup of water I walked into the kitchen for, only to find Simon downing a glass of whiskey (from my cheapest bottle; how considerate).

“Oi,” I mutter, smirking in the slightest as my eyebrow quirks up. “Pace yourself; don’t wanna puke in the sink again, do you?”

His eyes flicker up to mine as he sighs and lowers them again, reaching for the bottle despite my commentary. He pours it slowly; it’s a good mouthful worth. “Sorry,” he whispers pathetically, rubbing his face as he continues, “I just… dunno. Couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to feel anymore.”

“Huh. Couldn’t tell,” I quip, dragging out a seat and across from him. I grab my pack off the table, hitting it against my palm before taking out a fag and holding it carefully between my lips as I use my wand to light it. Simon keeps his eyes down.

“Do you know anything about this… vampire baby shit? How it works?” he asks after moments of deafening silence.

Didn't expect him to braven up and ask me already. Doesn’t shock me, though. Figured he’d let it eat him alive for a day or two before breaking. Stubborn one, this kid. “Do you wanna know?”

He pauses. “I…” he trails, staring into the brownish liquid in my obviously pristine plastic cup that was half melted in the dishwasher a year or so back. “Yes. Yeah, I do. At least, I think so.”

It takes a moment, as I drag in my cigarette before exhaling and sighing. He comes off confident enough vocally, but he doesn’t seem it at a glance. Kid looks looks scared to hell. “I know how hard you two have been trying, but I’ve never seen it happen, kiddo.” I take another drag, watching him squirm in his seat. He downs the whiskey with a scrunched nose and sharp exhale following. I let him have that moment in peace. “It doesn’t seem to happen much in nature. Hell, doesn’t seem to happen much at all. They’re their own breed of creatures, and a diminishing one at that. If anything is to happen, it’s a bloody miracle. Crowley, the whole vampire-Mage combination is unheard of unless they were turned, and I wonder if it’s like that for a reason.”

His face doesn’t really drop, but it falters in the slightest. He reacts with just a solemn nod before he pours himself another gulp, which just makes me chuckle. “Pass me the bottle? You two are depressing me.”

I receive a half-hearted smile as he passes it over, to which I just unscrew the cap and take a hearty swig, letting it burn my insides before coughing a little. “Shit’s not the best, kid.”

“It gets the job done,” Simon mumbles, voice barely breaking over the nightlife downstairs. A hand of his raises, scratching his chest before dropping back to his sides.

It’s sort of haunting to watch him; his wings fold over his shoulders in a matching hunch, shadowing over his body. He looks like a corpse. Maybe he is a corpse, beyond the magick-drained flesh and blood.

“It might get the job done,” I let out, pulling myself to my feet as I slowly let in another drag, letting it blow through my nose in an exhale. “But I have better shit for the holidays.”

There’s a pause before he chuckles, shrugging. “Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

The gentle sound of clinking bottles fills the air as I grab the nice shit I have post-its on just saying “FOR FESTIVE FIONA”. I set it between us after pulling off the top and having a nice mouthful, shaking my head a bit and coughing. “Fuck. Alright, nice.”

Snow reaches for it after me, filling a cup as if he’s some proper shit (probably something Baz has scolded him for; he gets on me about it too sometimes, but then I call him Little Squirt or just Dumb-ass and he shuts up). Before taking an extended sip, he stares down into it, seeming to contemplate something.

He scoffs out a soft groan after, sinking deeper into his seat. Something in me smiles, watching him. Gets me to brave a shot at making him smile. “I can try and steal a magick baby for ya. I’m a quick little fucker; they’ll never see me comin’. Just nick it outta the NICU before they even notice.” It makes me feel a little lighter when he laughs, like the room just lost 20kg. “Hell, I’ll steal a wand while I’m at it.”

Snow keeps laughing, curling over into himself a bit as he wobbles to the side, throwing me half off to thinking he’ll lean right out of my chair and break the damn thing. I finish my cigarette, watching him.

He doesn’t though, catching himself on the table. “I think we’re fine, but I’ll keep the offer in mind,” he giggles, pulling himself back up shakily. His curls shake a bit when he laughs, bouncing with his head.

It dies down, and he’s awfully quiet again, lip pulled inward to his mouth as he thinks. I give him a nudge with my foot, gently kicking his shin. “Oi, kid, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

He lolls his head back a little, shrugging his shoulders up as his arms wrap comfortingly around his middle. He sighs, chest deflating slowly. “Dunno. Some shit.”

“And I’ve got all night,” I say gently, lips upturning. Don’t know if it’s comforting or not, but he gives me a smile back.

“‘S silly ‘n not a big deal. Just… me being stupid, that’s all. My therapist says this is just that part of my brain that doesn’t like me talkin’. Saying shit I don’t wanna hear but think I deserve.” He shifts his body more upright, trying to hold himself more properly now. His slump doesn’t help much. “I’m just… pathetic.”

I scoff, knitting my eyebrows together as I eye him. The kid’s anything but pathetic. “You do shit with your life,” I say as gently as manageable. He needs a parent right now, and I’ve never been the best alternative for one, but hell, I’ll give it a shot. “Don’t ya? Baz loves you to death, you’re working a good samaritan job that helps people, Merlin, you saved the magickal world, didn’t you?” He just shrugs. “Look, what’s makin’ you think that?”

“I can’t… give Baz what he deserves.”

I cock a brow at him, and I watch the corner of his mouth upturn. I still blink. “What?”

He shakes away whatever’s on his mind, a hand lifting and scrubbing his face. “He deserves a usual, mage’s life. He didn’t deserve a broken husband. He… keeps staying, he comes back to me, and he doesn’t deserve the shit I give him.” A broke chuckle slips through, hand covering his face from the glaring kitchen light. “Fuck. He deserves the world, and I’m his biggest mistake.”

I can’t help but laugh. Crowley knows it’s the worst reaction, but I grab the bottle, laugh, and take the biggest chug I can manage before practically slamming it back down. “Merlin, Simon, do you know how much that isn’t true?”

I can barely see his wringing hands, and I have no clue wherever he’s looking, but the kid looks overwhelmed. “But… I…”

“No, no he loves you. More than the whole goddamn world. Fucking Merlin and Morgana, Baz sees you as everything. Do you know how many nights he’d stay up and tell me it’d be you or nothing after you got together? Too many. The boy loves you more than the ground loves dirt.”

Snow shifts a little in his seat. “But… he…”

“Look,” I mumble, swaying forward in my seat. “You’re his world. I know it sounds like nothing, but I’m basically the only other person he talks to, so you gotta listen to me. He fucking loves you.”

He swallows, loud enough for me to hear, before nodding. “Thank you,” he lets out.

I nod, resting my elbows on the table and crossing my arms in the slightest. “Mmmhm. And I’m gonna give you some advice, and I think you should really listen if you actually wanna be fucking happy.” The way he nods makes me feel like a wise-man, so I let it fuel me to continue. “Kids aren’t everything. Sure, they seem great, but they’re the biggest fuckin’ stress you’ll ever see. They’re loud, they’re messy, they fuck with your shit and don’t say sorry. They’re a pain in the arse and you can’t just toss ‘em aside afterwards. There’s a reason I never had one of my own, especially after helpin’ out with Baz here and there. It’s too much stress, and look at you. You’re stressed, and you don’t even got one yet.”

“Don’t rush into something when the world isn’t giving you what you want immediately. You guys ready for a baby? The world might give you a little sack of shit. Until then, don’t wear yourself out over something you can’t control. If you wanna try, then try. If not, just tell him that you love him and some other sweet shit, and you’ll both be fine without it. Okay?”

He sort of stares at me and I think I get what Basil means when he says he can feel the kid thinking. It shows on his face; he narrows his eyebrows in and mulls over every word like it's some prophecy to follow for the rest of his life. Makes me feel like my words fucking matter, which feels sort of nice. “I… uh… yeah. Fuck. I, uh, I needed to hear that,” he mumbles under his breath, hands running back over his face a few times. “Fuck. Thank you.”

I smile slightly, tipping my head up for a nod. “Promise me somethin’, alright?”

“Mhm?”

“Give it up soon, if it doesn’t just happen.”

He pauses, leaned back in the seat as his head tilts up. He stares at the popcorned ceiling, chewing on his lip. He breaks the silence after minutes. “Okay,” he gives in, hands coming to his face to rub. “Yeah… I’m… we… yeah. I’ll talk to him. We’ll talk about that.”

I exhale slowly, smiling as my head rests on the table. “Alright. Mhm. Now, go to bed, kid. We’ve got festivities in the morning.”

“Are those festivities more drinking?”

I click my tongue, aiming finger guns at him halfheartedly. “You’ve got it.”

He chuckles lightly, body hauling up and stumbling out of the seat. I’d offer him help, but I don’t have the energy in me. We mumble goodnights, and he heads off to his bedroom.

I smile a little to myself. They’ll be fine.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #232

“i’ve never bought a suit before in my life, but when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice.”

Do you have trouble typing when the room is dark? No, I don't look at the keyboard. When’s the last time you had a headache? I had an abomination of a three-day-long headache before my cycle like a week or two back or something. How often do you take surveys? Not as much as I used to now that I actually have school, but occasionally. What did you last write on paper? I think some items to Mom's shopping list? Does anything on your body hurt? No. What do you currently hear? "Bullet" by Hollywood Undead. I can hear cars outside, as well as Bentley biting himself incessantly. Sounds gross. Do you have any goals you’re trying to fulfill? As for in the near future, hopefully - I'd pray if I believed in it by this point - start losing weight again. Grow more in my photography, 1.) because I want this so badly and 2.) there's no way I could handle the stress of school and a "real" job but we're in serious need of money right now. I'd really like to make progress with driving too, but I haven't been able to in months because a headlight in broken, the license plate or whatever is expired, and the car can't pass inspection, so Mom doesn't want me at the steering wheel and get pulled over for it. Being on the borderline poverty line is A BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you ever do the dishes? I'mma be real, real honest here. Not really. Reason being we don't have a dishwasher and I am super queasy actually hand-cleaning dirty dishes, I get frustrated because I feel I don't clean them well enough (being a germaphobe is also fun), and my OCD goes absolutely insane trying to play Tetris with the drying rack thingy. All that being said, it's my least-favorite chore. At your house, does everyone eat together as a family? No. We started to drift apart when I was... maybe a pre-teen? When did you last have butterflies in your stomach? Sara decided she wanted to try making out and I was fucking terrified of going too far or scaring her. Are you independent or dependent? I'm embarrassingly dependent. Who last made you smile? My pup. How did you find Bzoink? Taking surveys for so long. What’s your dream job? If travel and heat weren't considered, a meerkat biologist. Do you brush your teeth twice every day? Just once. Do you have a pool? No. Are the streetlights on? We don't have streetlights on my road. When you wear a hoodie, do you pull the sleeves over your hands? Not unless I'm really cold. Do you trust anyone, besides yourself, fully? Sara. I would say Mom, but I'm entirely aware she's lied and made stories up about Dad. Do you believe the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater”? No. I've never really understood this. People change. Are you in any advanced classes at school? I bypassed the freshman English class, yeah. Well, is that considered "advanced?" I don't believe it's like an AP course or anything, but it's not a class I'm supposed to be taking as a freshman, so??? How often do you eat your favorite food? Every once in a while. Have you ever fallen asleep on public transport? (including planes) Probably. What was the last TV show you watched? Uhhhh I think it was all the way back when Colleen and I were still friends and we checked out The Good Doctor. Or it was either Parks and Recreation with Sara and her family or Avatar: The Last Airbender, also with Sara. Where was the last place you went on vacation/holiday to? Who’d you go with? The beach with Colleen, her husband, and their son. Well, does that count since it was only for a day? Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? I don't have a job. What’s your favorite type of donut? It varies between chocolate frosted, glazed, and plain. What do you usually eat for breakfast? If I even eat, it'll probably be like, a meal replacement shake or Pop-Tart. Can you touch your toes without bending your knees? Surprisingly. When was the last time you went out for dinner? Like at a sit-down restaurant? Hm. I think it was El Tapatio with my mom and Nicole maybe near two months ago. What was the last thing you said to someone else in person? Idr, something to Mom. Do you use Windows, Mac, Linux, or something else entirely? Windows. How many times do you call someone on the phone a week? Like zero, usually. Have you cooked anything today? What was it? No. Do you have a lot of cousins? What are their names? Yeah. I'm not sharing all their names on the Internet, and besides, I don't even know most. What does your shampoo smell like? I don’t know. What about the body wash or soap you’re using at the moment? I don't remember, even though I got out of the shower like an hour ago. Any movies you’ve seen recently that you’d recommend to me? No, I barely ever watch movies. Why did you last go see a doctor? The primary reason was for my night terrors. Do you know how to play Minesweeper? No. What was the last thing you bought online? A new heat lamp for my snake Venus. Where do you usually park your car? I don't have a car, but Mom parks in the driveway behind the house. Does your mail get delivered to your house or do you have to collect it? It's put in the mailbox on the other side of the road. Are you more logical or creative? Creative, I'd say. Do you cut tags out of clothing so they don’t itch and bother you? Usually. How many times a year do you go on vacation? Pretty much never. Can you curl your tongue or do anything else cool with it? I can curl it a little bit, but my snake eyes piercing prevents me from doing it all that well. What was the last job interview you went to? For a deli position at a Food Lion. Got the job, lasted not even two hours. :^) What embarrassing music do you listen to? I'm not really *embarrassed* of any I listen to. Just kinda surprising to admit to some people sometimes. What’s your biggest talent? Writing, I guess? What’s the best gift you ever received? My dog. What fear would you like to overcome? More than ANYTHING? Probably being judged in a negative way or being seen as "weird," and not in a good way. AvPD is a bitch and makes me less open about myself (mostly just irl, but yeah), which I REALLY don't like. Would you rather ride in a hot air balloon or hang-glide? Hm, hang-glide, maybe. I dunno. What habit would you like to break? Procrastinating, lately. Describe the most romantic moment you’ve ever had. I can think of a few, but here's the one that had the most biggest effect on me, I think. There was one time Jason and I were kissing, I told him I loved him, and he whispered, "I love you too, wife," before going back to kissing me. Remembering that still hurts, a lot. I know now us separating was for the better, I don't want someone who doesn't have faith in my strength, just the memories like those from the time I was convinced our love story was a fairy tale are very painful. Just typing it caused a discomfort in my stomach. What’s your worst personality trait? Laziness, probably. Or impulsiveness. Have you ever cheated on a test? No. What’s your favorite karaoke song? I don't sing karaoke. Do you know anyone with two different colored eyes? I don't believe so. What was the last thing you bought for someone else? Sara's anniversary present, which was a pillow that said something along the lines of, "Hug this pillow until you can hug me" or something. Do you like hot fudge sundaes? My fat ass can't even associate with you if you don't like HOT FUDGE SUNDAES????????????? Do you like to sleep a lot? It's funny, I tend to like naps during the day, yet I don't look forward to trying to go to sleep at night. It always takes longer, and there's also the possibility of just waking back up and struggling to fall back asleep for the rest of the night. Is there a garbage can in the room you’re currently in? No. Have you ever been in a class that you thought you were too smart for? I don't think so. Can you type without looking at the keyboard? Yeah. We had a mandatory typing course in middle school, so I learned it exceptionally well. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Who was the last person you apologized to? Maybe Sara? Do you throw things when you’re frustrated? NO. I am very conscious of not expressing my anger with physical violence of any sort. How much do you get paid at your current job? N/A Are your friends mostly older than you or younger than you? I think younger. Would you ever get a pet tarantula? Nah. Do you want to dye your hair? Ugh, you have no idea. What’s your favorite zoo animal? Meerkats, duh. Is there anything in your room you’d be ashamed to show to your parents? I'm VERY self-conscious of my artwork, so I'd be mortified if my mom saw my drawings, even though there's nothing "wrong" with them. I'm just shy about 'em. Have you ever accused someone of cheating when they weren’t? Yeah, hence the end of that day-long relationship. Him cheating was a lie from his insane ex, but at the time, I just believed it, but it was absolutely for the better. He wasn't for me. I really shoulda just listened when my art teacher literally took me aside one day and warned me about him. Wha'd'ya know, he wound up on house arrest or something similar, and who the hell knows what he's done by now. When was the last time you played hide and seek? I played with my niece and nephew some months ago. Don’t you hate when people stare at you? Fuckin' yes. I'm too self-conscious for that shit. Have you ever accidentally caught yourself on fire? Well thank god no. Are you Jewish? No. Does anyone copy the things you do? No. Is your dad still alive? Yes, yay. Have you done anything lately that you instantly felt was a mistake? Possibly. What melts your heart/makes your knees weak? Watching Mark with kids causes me severe physical pain. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. What are your views on spontaneous human combustion? Freaky. Parasite Eve first made me think "oh shit what if this could actually happen," and I've also watched a Shane Dawson video about it, and the idea of it possibly being a real thing is absolutely terrifying. How many dryer sheets do you put in an average load of laundry? I think Mom uses one or two? I dunno. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? No. What is your favorite frozen treat? Ice cream. Do you have a sexual fantasy? ...What is it? There's probably something I could think up. Maybe like bang on a church pew or something lmao idk. Who was the last person to insult you? I'm not sure. What color is your brush/comb/whatever? White. Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when its hot in your room? It is almost entirely impossible. Have you ever purposely given someone wrong directions? No, but then again, it's not like I even give them. I have a horrible sense of direction and don't know street names, highway numbers and locations... What is your favorite thing to do with your best friend? I'm not sure. Everything is fun with her. Are you easily offended? It depends. In most contexts, no. Have you ever acted as tour guide for friends/relatives from out of town? Not really. If you were an anime character, would you be a yandere or a tsundere? HAHAHA I AM PAINFULLY A YANDERE. If you have glasses, do you get days when you don’t feel like wearing them? No, because I like to see. Have you ever played bingo at an actual bingo hall? No. Ha ha, this reminds me tho, I can't recall if he did it once or just WANTED to, but my brother may have gone into one, yelled "BINGO," and immediately left. Did your parents ever collect any magazines they didn’t want you to read? Uhhhh no. I'm quiiiiite sure neither of my parents had those. Have you ever pledged money to a Kickstarter and it reached its goal? No. I probably would if I had excess money and really believed in it, though. Is there a color combination that holds a significance to you? Because Jason's favorite thing in the world was the Joker, seeing purple and bright green together is one I just prefer not to see. I wouldn't call it a PTSD trigger, like I don't freak out about it, it's just like an "ugh ew" sorta thing. If you use Facebook, do you ever look at the Memories page? No. I cringe 90% of the time when they pop up. Do you have a drawer where you just throw some random stuff? No. Have you ever had to provide an alibi for something? No. What’s the funniest shirt that you own? I have a Batman one I'm trying to shrink back into that says something like "I wish I was Batman but I'm poor and hate fighting" & I love it. What is something you absolutely refuse to pay for? Idk off the top of my head. Has a stray/runaway cat or a dog ever followed you home? Cats, I think? If so, what did you do with it? Fed it with the other cats, and I'd assume Mom would've called the owner's number if given. If you could grow a beard or a mustache, would you? I'm a cisgender female so like... Is there a stranger you expect to see every day? No. What is something you take pride in? I'm proud of just how deeply and genuinely I care about people. And my writing and photography, mostly. What does the nicest dish set you own look like? All our dishes are literally the same, and they're ancient. I think they were my grandma's but given to Mom. Pattern's worn and everything. They're ceramic with a floral design. Why did you stop working at the last place you were employed? I absolutely cannot be in a position of responsibility or customer service, and the environment was way too busy. What would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? I... don't know how I would react? Picturing it, I first feel like I'd be so happy for him, but I KNOW my PTSD would act up at some point shortly after and I would probably end up in a bawling ball (lol "bowling ball" that wasn't intended sorry) because "that was supposed to be me," but then I'd be fine again after I got all that emotion out. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in front of you? Someone at school. You can smoke outside, and it's the one thing I don't like about my college. Are you very close to your siblings? Not nearly as close as I wish we were. How often do you watch the news? Never. Do you have a dishwasher? No. What is the worst lie you’ve ever told? I don't like talking about it. Well, it wasn't a lie, but I stretched the truth because anxiety's a goddamn asshole. Where is the last place you drove to? I drove to, probably home. What is your favorite Disney movie? The Lion King. I may even like the live-action remake more, but I can't say with certainty. Do you have a fan in your room? Yeah. What color is your lampshade? I don't have a lamp. Do you like to wear belts? Not anymore. What is the most expensive electronic in your room? This laptop. Only a year old and yet it's so abused with how much it's used. Are you involved with any charity work? I wish I was in the position where I could, anyway. Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? No. Have you ever hatched an egg? OKAY SO! I remember in elementary school, maybe like 1st grade or something, we incubated a chicken egg and hatched it. I can't remember where it went. Do you chew gum on a daily basis? No, I rarely do. What brand shampoo do you use? Suave. When is the last time you went to an amusement park? Years ago shortly before the breakup with Jason and Dillon. Or Dustin. Whatever his name was. Do you have a garden shed in your backyard? Nope. Are you obsessed with anything? Y'all know I don't know how to love in moderation, not even remotely. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I hate diet, and the artificial sweetener also gives me serious headaches. Who was the last person you hugged? My mom, maybe? What did you do when you found out Michael Jackson died? We were swimming in the pool while Mom or Dad was grilling, idr. What’s your best friend’s favorite band? Pink Floyd, Evanescence, and Within Temptation. What’s your favorite kind of beer? Never tried it, don't want to. How do you get songs out of your head? Binge it 'til I'm tired of it lmao. Have you seen all the High School Musicals? I've only seen the first two. Do you dress appropriately for your age? I don't know? Probably not? Do "normal" 23-year-olds wear graphic tees? What’s your favorite word? "Serendipity." What’s the worst sickness you’ve ever had? A serious stomach virus that made me puke all the food I'd eaten since birth. Do you take compliments well? Of course I appreciate them, but I get shy. Are excessive piercings sexy or trashy? Well they're definitely not "trashy," but SERIOUSLY excessive ones, I don't usually find attractive. But it really depends on the person, the size, and where. What do you put on toast? Cinnamon, sugar, and butter. The Southern cinnamon toast. Have you ever watched Fear Factor? I LOVED it when I was younger, and I still enjoy it if I happen to see it. Joe Rogan was one of my earliest crushes, too. How many songs do you have on iTunes? Over 1k. What song reminds you of summer? MAN I remember as a kid, back when I liked country, my sisters and I loved "When The Sun Goes Down" by Kenny Chesney. Big summer vibes. Has a bird ever flown into your window? OH WOW I don't think so, but I do remember one flew into the car's grill when I was very young and going on a trip. Safe to say it died.