#I’ve been following like the same people since I was 13 and I don’t know how to change that

[uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Guys I’m gonna be honest I still have no idea how to use tumblr,, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

[astropookie]

Ascendants at different degrees 🦚🦢

my natal mercury is square with transiting mercury 😭 km pls. my mind has been a MESS I can’t and that’s why all my fucking ideas seemed difficult to write. srry if it’s not it.

julianlandini

Ascendant at Pisces degree (12° or 24°)

that’s fucking meee. i have this fairy vibe or they often call me hippie. that sensible and humanitarian side it’s there, the wanting to contribute for the best of others, to make that world they dreamed of basing it on the different perspective of others, of what the other have felt and how they have felt when they witnessed it. since the origin, since the depth of things. the path of their life is about to express themselves and to speak for others? The ones that couldn’t spoke? Bc all their life they have been listening to them, looking from a side the reality they’re scared of. -they’ve been psychologists if you want to call it that way-. They want to give love, they have so much love to give. During a period of their life -mostly childhood- they could have felt isolated from the world, these period of time could have been pretty sensible for them and helped them to “open their eyes”, how the world they thought worked was a lie.

Ascendant at Taurus degree (2°, 14° or 26°)

the difference of a person when the degree of the ascendant changes it’s incredible. There’s two people in my life that have aries rising but the one with taurus is completely different of the other. How a person with taurus degree on their ascendant live or the vibe of their life…they want comfort but at the same time have to have what they want, they’re persistent in to what they want and that’s attractive. I have seen people with this placement having a lot of romantic interactions or situationships, it’s easy for them to attract lovers👅 I’ve noticed they make good use of opportunities, they remind me of a bear bc I want to hug them no matter what. They’re realistic or practical. They indeed are critical with food, they need to take their nap to feel good. They’re like old people, how they point out manners and limits people have to have on their perspective and etc. I’ve seen a lot of people with these placement that had moved to their natal place to other bc of the opportunities. could mean also they are part of a family that can provide them economic support or/but with time they had struggle with it.

Ascendant at Aries degree (1°, 13° or 25°)

they’re pretty erratic, they look fucking mad all the time. They’re impulsive, their emotions, their decisions, they don’t know how they ended up the way they ended up. You can see from aside they’re natural liders. however, their whole life they’ve been fighting for being the liders of their life. there’s people around them that don’t understand limits, that think they have the right to control the aries degree life. these placement have to learn that they have the right to stand up for they want even if others don’t want to or don’t let them. they want to have something build by their own, THEIR thing, if not they’ll feel lost. they follow their heart and not doing it will cause problems in the future.

Ascendant at Capricorn degree (10° or 22°)

I have a friend that has Leo ascendant but she wasn’t giving me the stereotypical explosive energy someone expects from a leo. I did my research 😌 and of course she has a Capricorn degree. She is a very career focused person, grounded and driven by her goals. Also an introvert or priorities the company of the ones she likes the most or thinks is the best. She’s studying to be a doctor, her whole life will revolve around her work, she is devoted and has a BIG heart for her loved ones and the ones that would be part of her path. She looks serious. They’re seemed as reserved bc they’re 🤪 and when you get to know them they’re a beautiful soul. They won’t let anything get into their way when it comes to their career and goals, they’ll risk it all. Around their life they’ve had this introverted behavior or they’re Saturn ruled, which means they know bc they have to experience things, little by little but they have had and have to. In other words, they have seen and been in difficult situations that later -bc they have the power- analyzed the situation in 3er person to comprehend bc if not saturn will do what they do🤭

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer, I just love astrology and I’m willing to learn.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[writing-mlm]

Reddit Discovers a Relationship

Summary: Peter is acting strangely following a trip to Asgard and you, naturally, take to Reddit to get opinions from absolute strangers Pairing: Peter Parker x Gn!Reader Wc: 2k tags: readers gender is up to the viewer, mentions of cheating but nothing happens, reader is the adoptive child of Loki, this is formatted like a Reddit post LOL a/n: this came to me in a dream

r/AmItheAsshole 4d ago

throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis

AITA for being upset with my bf for being weird after we visited my family abroad?

Hii! Sorry if formatting and spelling is wrong, I’m on mobile. 

So, I (20nb) and my boyfriend (21m) met when we were both around 15, dating since we were 17. If it matters we met through my (adoptive) uncle: they sort of worked together but in the way that you work with Jane from Accounting. It’s a relatively small business so we did eventually cross paths, I don’t want to go into details for privacy's sake, sorry. If it’s confusing I’ll explain in an edit. 

EDIT: basically he’s the bosses intern-turned-employee, I’m the weird guy's brother's kid turned employee. He joined at 15, I ‘joined’ at 13, i’ve been there two years longer than him

So, recently I went to visit my dad in our home country for two weeks with my uncle and his maybe gf, naturally my bf, wanted to join. He wasn’t allowed to at first bc the last time we tried something similar to this he kind of died?? I’m not sure if the event is still triggering for people, but it was that global event where the population got… sanded?? EDIT: yes the blimp But after that I get nervous with him traveling around there, I know it’s not normal and he would be perfectly fine. It took a while but I eventually agreed that he could go. 

We get there without any hiccups and he sees my country for the first time, i literally have to drag him into my childhood home and let him set up a room. My dad wouldn’t let us sleep in the same room, he went to crazy lengths for that lol. But that was fine, it was only two weeks. Really a week and half. But we have a good time, he meets my old friends, I taught him some traditional cooking and such, we explored for a whole day. I literally took him flower picking and they're in our living room. He spends some time with my folks, some of which I was too busy for, my friends had dragged me out and one time no one woke me up. The last day we spent I literally did not see him at all, like at all. And one of my friends, I’ll call her Vivi, was gone too even though we all said we’d have a group picnic in the garden. 

Eventually, we leave back and he’s just… I don’t want to say ignoring me but he’s definitely distant. He’s hiding his phone (not that I check it, it’s just he got a screen blocker thing, he’s leaving it face down, and in the car, he stops all the notifications from coming through the speakers), he’s all sweaty around me, genuinely will not talk about the trip, he keeps asking if I’ve kept in touch with my friends and what they’ve said. 

Prior to this. he’d literally shove his phone in my face to show me videos or text his aunt if his hands are busy. I’ve heard his text messages between him and his friends where they talk about embarrassing topics like him peeing his pants bc he was drunk. He’s also not one to really sweat, he’s nervous a lot but it’s never like this. 

At work he’s asking to be paired with other people and my uncle keeps staring at him?? they talk in the corner a lot and my uncle cannot whisper for the life of him but he suddenly learned. 

I spoke to one of my friends, not the childhood friends but ones I made here, and they think he’s cheating. Idk, we’re never really apart for him to. We live and work together. We commute together. Our friend groups overlap a whole bunch to the point where I only have two friends that aren’t his friends and the same with him. The same friend said he’s always been off, she just never said anything bc I really like him. I’m cutting her off because even if she is right, that’s a weird thing to harbor right?? like if my friend had a shady bf I’d definitely let them know when I felt that. But maybe that’s an American thing, I don’t know. 

I asked him about it, I think three times. Each time he gets more nervous and I’ve decided I’m going to be the same way. His boss, who’s really just like a weird older brother or something to me, says I’m being petty and we need to grow up and talk. His wife says she did the same thing to him and the issue ended up being that he was going through major heart problems and she still feels bad about that. But i don’t think he’s having heart issues, our jobs need regular medical checkups and he’s his same healthy self. 

Am I going crazy? Should I ask again?

EDIT: he’s 21 and I’m 20 but we met when we were both 15 bc his birthday is earlier than mine is

——

WNDRGRL639 • 3d ago

NTA, i’m sorry sweets but it does sound like he cheated. That day where he was gone with ViVi for the whole day is suspicious, have you talked to her to see what she was doing?

-> throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis OP

Communication with people back home is difficult. They’re kind of the send a bird to deliver mail type, I can only talk to my dad when he’s in this specific area bc it has signal. It’s a portable device from over here. I don’t want to ask him to ask her because everyone is kind of… fearful of my dad but I don’t think she would do that. 

—> Holding_Space

why don’t you think she would?? also NTA 

—-> throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis OP

bc she’s only into women, sorry I forgot to add that detail I was in a rush 

JoyfulCalling629 • 4d ago

NTA, it’s frustrating when a partner doesn’t say what’s on their mind but give it time. could it have been something your uncle and dad said? are they too protective?

-> throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis OP

I wouldn’t put it past my dad but my uncle absolutely adores my bf, like even if we weren’t dating they’d still have the same relationship lol. but from what I noticed my dad does like my bf, he just comes off as scary to basically everyone 

—> Daylighthatings

NTA but it sounds like your bf wants to propose!! my wife was the same way leading up to the proposal 

—-> throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis OP

hmm. We’ve spoken about marriage for sure, so I know it’s something on his mind. I’m going to hope it’s that and not any of these crazy ideas lol. I saw someone say he’s planning on leaving me for my dad, that he’s cheating with my uncle, that i’ve probably scared him off bc my country must be scary. 

——> Daylighthatings

aw it’s certainly none of those, i’ve read through your other replies and the two of you seem absolutely smitten

fhendnsn79 • 2d ago

YTA, he probably gotten scared by your dad. keeping the two of you separate for two weeks? he has issues. not to mention you kept bringing up him dying! i’d want to break up too probably call the cops too

-> throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis OP

trust me when I say this, I have your address and I’m sending the IRS bc you have unfiled taxes since 2010 good luck in prison!!!!

—-

r/confessions 2d ago

u/spiderman

I asked my partners dad for the family ring and I’m planning to propose but they think I’m cheating on them 

Hii! First time posting, sorry if the formatting is wonky I’m on my phone. Throwaway bc my partner knows my main

Okay, so I (21m) and my partner (20nb), have been together for around 3 years and I knew I wanted to propose to them after they agreed to binge watch all of Star Trek with me even though they hate (and I mean HATE) most alien media because it’s inaccurate. They ended up enjoying it, but that’s not the point. 

Recently we visited their dad, after a lot of pestering they agreed to let me go and I was super nervous. It wasn’t my first time meeting their dad, maybe the third time but I was about to ask a man who could kill me in a second if I could get his family ring so I could marry his only child. I tried to tire them out, meeting with friends, taking me across a lot and I mean a lot of hills and such so I could also talk to their best friend alone. I’ll call her Ivvi. So, I didn’t have a lot of time and unfortunately had to spend the last day of the trip with Ivvi and their dad talking about traditional wedding stuff and how to properly propose (i didn’t even know there was a wrong way!!!) 

So, with all those expectations I’m super nervous. I have to hide my phone bc their uncle is sending me texts about it and he absolutely does not know how to speak in code. my aunt is the same way and I Don't want them to ruin it. I’m also so close to just blurting out the question so (we work at the same place) I’ve been avoiding them. Their uncle keeps pulling me away to ask when and it’s making me so nervous I can’t even think straight around them anymore. 

They’re starting to notice, not start they BEEN noticing but now they’re giving me the cold shoulder. I know this one friend they have, not Ivvi, it’s this one friend they met during college who I CANNOT stand bc she’s fake. They can’t see it because they tend to take things at face value when it comes to Americans because they think we don’t like to lie. I’ve been trying to tell them that it’s not true. But yeah. That friend spoke to one of my friends who asked me if I cheated and i, of course said no, and spilled my whole plan to her because if anyone could help, it would def be her. 

But I know that friend planted some evil seed in my partners head and now I have to rush my plans. 

I’ll update this after I propose tho!!!!

—

DjMightyThor • 2d ago

I just checked… this is Spiderman’s official Reddit. 

Xsavior • 2d ago

SPIDERMAN IS PROPOSING TO NORIDC???

MegannnHorsie • 1d ago

didn’t know they were that serious wow

Spideyfan4EVA • 2d ago

does he know he posted this to his main hopefully Nordic doesn’t see this LMFAOOO

—

r/BestofRedditorUpdates • 1 hr. ago

u/TonyStark

Clearly, I am not Nordic or Spiderman but they’re both too embarrassed to update. You’re welcome. 

Original post- Nordic

Original post- Spiderman

Thought I should update the people of Reddit on the kids proposal plans. I was unfortunately not there but I was fortunate enough to hack into the cameras in their apartment to see it. So, I’ll give a sort of play by play. 

Spiderman, in the living room with the place decorated in Asgardian stuff, rose petals everywhere and their favorite song in the background. He’s typing the Reddit story because he’s so nervous. 

Nordic, coming back from hanging with their friends, enters the apartment. Spiderman posts it without double checking ANYTHING. Chucks his phone into the kitchen sink somehow. 

Nordic walks inside and looks at the sink before looking at Spiderman. Ugly cries, a lot of tears. Like a lot. I asked (got permission to post) and apparently some of the items were from their since deceased family, so it was extra emotional. Spiderman, in full fucking Asgardian, asks Nordic to marry them. Oh it’s snotty tears now. Idk wtf he said, and Thor won’t translate, so…

There’s two rings!! The royal one and one from Nordic’s blood family. They kiss and fireworks!!! Joking, that’s a fire hazard. But he does immediately call Thor, who was in the room with Sam. I heard the tears from my office. They hang up and I’ll cut the rest of the footage bc I do not want to bleach my eyes thank you. 

—

spiderman • 1 hr. ago

MR STARK YOU DIDNT NEED TO PUT THE LAST PART 

-> throwRA-unclepleasedontseethis 

or any of this actually why are you in our cameras??

—> TonyStark  I made them.

[jeonscatalyst]

Hello!! I’m so glad I found your blog when I returned to tumblr after 5 years haha, your posts and opinions are always sound and thought provoking :)

I was just curious, and I’ve asked this of a couple others since I’m like a dragon with a hoard I love me some opinions, after 9+ hours of AYS do you still think jikook might be real? And do you think it showed that they were together thru chapter 2 (I know some believe that there was a break up).

My answer is yes, that there is strong chance that they are dating and were doing so throughout chapter 2. But would love your insight too :)

Hi anon,

Let me just make it clear that I’ve never claimed to be 100% sure that Jikook are a couple but I 100% believe that their relationship over the years hasn’t always been a platonic one.

After watching over 9 hours of AYS I am still certain that Jikook love each other and are important to each other. I am also certain that the nature of their relationship hasn’t always been platonic but I am one of those people who believes that something was off with them during parts of the solo era. I don’t know if I would say they broke up or were on a break (because I don’t know that) but I do think something was a little off especially around the time when they shot the NY episodes. It doesn’t necessarily have to be that they broke up or were on a break but sometimes when people’s circumstances change, it is normal that they go through some hurdles in their relationships. We all know that the solo era came with Jimin and Jungkook having completely different schedules and I also think that at some point they were both operating on different wavelengths and probably needed other people more than they needed each other (this is normal and there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing other people more than you need you lovers at certain times) I think that at some point their very different lives and schedules made things difficult for them to maintain a normal relationship and it possibly caused some distance between them. I have never been one who has always been stuck to the opinion that Jimin and Jungkook have a normal or conventional type relationship. I have always been open to the possibility that maybe they couldn’t quite have that because of their circumstances but i’ve never doubted that there was something more going on between them.

So to answer your question more directly I would say i’m not positive that things were the same during certain points of the solo era and that includes when they filmed the NY episodes of AYS but I think by the time they filmed Jeju and Sapporo, things were pretty much back to normal and Jikook seemed like the Jikook we knew. I cannot say for sure if they were on a break or if they broke up but what I can say for sure is that, that something which felt a little off with them at the beginning, disappeared as we progessed through the episodes as I could sense a shift in energy, plus, just watching the episodes after NY and aside from noticing the obvious closeness and connection between Jikook, you could see that they were very updated about each other’s lives. We had Jimin singing Jungkook’s unreleased “3D”, Jungkook knowing about Jimin’s upcoming album and also seeing his performance video with the kids way before it was released and even just the fact that they decided to enlist together. All these were proof that whatever was off between them before, had been sorted out.

I know this is a touchy subject for Jikookers as many people have different opinions about Jikook in chapter two and some jikookers don’t like hearing about the possibility of Jikook having off moments or possibly being or breaks or breaking up, but it happens. I feel like sometimes we forget that we have been following up moments of these guys lives that have spanned for over 13 years and there is no way in these 13 years it was always smooth sailing. I think it’s normal that within these periods, we would experience them in all sorts of states and probably watch them go through thick and thin without even realizing exactly what they are going through.

I think by the time Jikook were done filming AYS, they were ok. I think alot of the “offness” that I sensed probably happened because of a drastic change in their lives which they both probably didn’t know how to handle well. Jimin and Jungkook had been used to being together almost all the time. Going through all the years since they met in 2012 and then debuted in 2013, there is not a single year that went by without us seeing or hearing about Jikook being joined at the hip. I think the first time they had to deal with that kind of separation since they met was the solo era with Jimin being neck deep in work and having to move in with producers temporarily to work on his album while Jungkook wasn’t doing anything at all. They were in very different places at the time so I think some distance crept in. Jimin was in work mode and needed people in work mode while Jk was on rest mode and needed people on that same wavelength. At the beginning of last year, it was crystal clear that Jungkook was going through something. I don’t want to be presumptuous and say that what ever seemed to be bothering him had to do with Jimin because I don’t know that but I think it was interesting how much he couldn’t hide the fact that he missed Jimin. Whether as a friend or as a lover, it isn’t debatable that Jungkook missed him so much. Him instinctively asking Jimin to come over and do stuff with him everytime Jimin commented on his lives, him watching tons of Jimin content and talking about him alot, him replying to Jimin’s “I miss You” post on weverse and then proceeding to watch a bunch of Jimin centric content….he missed him. I cannot put my finger on whatever was going on but the dots are connecting and something sure was off at the some point last year but all is well that ends well. We may never get to find out what exactly happened and may just be stuck with speculation but I guess we can all rest easy knowing that at this very moment, at the end of everything, Jimin and Jungkook found their way back to each other and are together right now going through one of the most difficult moments of their lives together and they’ll only come back, closer and much more connected than they ever were. (gosh this sounds so cheesy lol)

[mermaidslabyrinth]

Thank you HotD Fandom

I have been writing since I was around 11. All my works would stay in notebooks, on my word document, or printed out on paper and stashed away. I did post my first fic when I was around 13. Then sporadically through the years. The last time I posted any writing of mine was 10 years ago. But I’m trying to open up more with my writing, creative thoughts, by exposing my work little by little. And out of all the fandoms I’ve been in, it was the HotD fandom, the people I found, that made me feel comfortable enough to do so. Also, I’ve never been more proud or had more love for an OC I’ve created before Rhagerys. I’ve commissioned pieces of art of him, something I have never done with an OC before, and I am quite excited for that. 

So my thanks to all the HotD fans that I have had the pleasure of interacting with (following, being mutuals, reblogging their posts through someone I follow). I have had such a wonderful time and do hope to continue to do so.  I decided to write this because who knows what the future will bring. And I wanted people to know just how much they can make an impact.

Many thanks to: 

@emilykaldwen her ask started it all and I will always be grateful for that. for she was the one who helped me step away from the corner and join in with the other creators. It’s a slow process but I am getting there. 

@selfproclaimedunicorn seeing your OC tags on regular posts emboldened me to start doing the same. It’s another, subtle, way for my work to be put out in the universe. Doing so has even helped me flesh my OMC more in the tags of certain posts. 

@happilyhertale for her wonder writing (I will reblog them. They are on my list). And her continued supply of Daemon/Matt posts. They keep me going with writing Daemon scenes.

@ewanmitchellcrumbs for that ask she answered very recently about just going for it with your writing. It inspired me.

@thought--bubble for being such a lovely person. Your writing skills are top notch (your stories are on my list). 

@vhagar-balerion-meraxes you helped me from being a wallflower to slowly coming in and joining along with the rest. You were the first person in the HotD fandom to extend a hand and pull me into the fun. You make beautiful gif sets. You are very sweet. I appreciate that I was able to find your blog. 

@sylasthegrim I know I don’t show it but I am so happy I follow you. You are slowly converting me to a Cregan appreciator. Like I get it. Your stories are so creative (I will read them they are on the list) and you are so open and kind in your inbox. 

@multiverse-of-multifandoms your fantastic gif making. You help me feel comfortable when I’m joining in on the fun. 

@livmondcole you are one of the sweetest ppl I’ve been lucky enough to follow. You show patience and kindness through your words. 

@dr-aegon you are one of the reasons I was able to get a commission of my OMC. I checked your blog one night and you had a reblog of someone who opened up commissions. They are working on it now, I’ve seen the line work and I’m excited, and I have you to thank for it. Besides that you are one of the reasons that I started to really like Aegon. I see how much you care for him and it warmed my heart and the little disaster did as well. 

And even though she is no longer part of the fandom: peachysunrize was such a wonderful person to follow and read her stories and read the asks ppl would send her. 

Honestly all my HotD mutuals. 

Also shout out to the artists, your works are amazing to see. And shout out to the other fic writers, your writing is enjoyed by many people who like reading about their favorite characters. And the gif makers, the creativity and patience you have. The sets I have seen have blown me away. I know all of these are talents that need to be praised more. The work you all bring to the fandom is always such a gift.

[gogogodzilla]

day 26, sensory deprivation

wanda maximoff x reader warnings: nsfw 18+, reader calls wanda mommy, slight dubcon, fingering, cunnilingus, dirty talk, more plot than porn, im sorry yall i got carried away, continuation of day 13 kinktober ☠︎︎ main masterlist ☠︎︎ read on ao3

You hunch over the kitchen sink as the steady thrum behind your temples refuses to cease. Ever since Halloween, you have been getting these sharp pains that radiated throughout your skull, not to mention the visions. 

You see hallucinations of yourself or someone who looks like you, living another life. You see yourself wearing that same outfit that you did on Halloween fighting monsters that you can’t even begin to describe and robots, out of all things. You see yourself lounging around with people who you think are your friends drinking and attempting to lift a hammer of sorts. 

The visions come in quick flashes that leave you sick to your stomach and disoriented afterward. Slowly, you regain your senses enough to straighten. The sounds of Billy and Tommy’s video game and them rapidly pushing the buttons on their controllers fill your ears as you get your bearings. You’re right where you’re supposed to be. 

Suddenly, they call for you. You hurry to right yourself, trailing a hand soothingly over your temple before you venture into the living room. 

“Our game keeps changing,” Tommy complains as you watch as the controllers are surrounded by red, pixelated energy every few moments and change in their hands.  You raise a brow, at a loss for words. 

Before you can even begin to offer an answer, the twins are off running upstairs. “Boys!” you call, but they’re already gone. You chase after them, your footsteps echoing on the stairs. 

“Mom, our game is freaking out!” you hear Billy exclaim as they rush into your bedroom. 

“Is she asleep?” Tommy asks as you reach your bedroom door. 

Wanda’s voice is muffled as she replies, “Mommy’s not sleeping, honey. She’s just resting her eyes.” 

You rest a hand on either of the boy’s shoulders, “What did I say about letting mommy rest? I told you she’s not feeling well.” 

Billy turns to face you, rubbing his temples, “But, my head feels weird. It’s, like, really noisy. I don’t like it.” 

You pressed a kiss to his forehead. “My head’s been feeling a little funny, too,” you murmur before ushering the boys out of your bedroom. “It’s okay, honey, let’s let mommy rest, and we can find something for your head.”

As you reach the bottom of the stairs, your vision blurs for a moment and you blink rapidly. You’re sitting on the living room couch with no one in front of you. You find yourself talking to an invisible presence. 

“I’m not sure what’s happening to me,” a mix of a sigh and a laugh leaves you. “Wanda is bedbound, and I have two boys to take care of. I don’t what I’m doing, but I do know that they don’t need to see her like this.” 

Your vision blurs again and the next thing you know you’re standing at the bottom of the stairs, right where you were. You stumble a little bit, as you shake your head slightly. 

As your vision clears, you notice the boys tugging a Wii remote between the two of them, arguing.

“I got to it first!” Tommy grunts, attempting to pull the controller toward himself. 

“You always get to it first!” Billy counters. 

You take a step between them grabbing the controller. “Boys,” you hiss, “now is not the time for petty arguments. At least wait until I’ve had my coffee for today, please.”

Tommy clings to your side, “We’ll be good.” 

You lean down and press a kiss to the top of his head, “Thank you, honey.” 

Movement out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and you turn toward the stairs. Wanda shuffles down the stairs, wearing one of your old t-shirts, sweatpants, and a robe. You’re not quite sure how you know it’s your shirt. Billy and Tommy share a look, confusion evident on their faces. Billy shrugs before turning his gaze toward you. 

You follow Wanda into the kitchen, watching as she sets the jug of milk on the counter and retrieves a box of cereal out of the cabinet. She pauses as the jug flickers with the same pixelated red energy and changes into a carton. 

“Honey, what’re you doing?” you question as you stand on the other side of the counter. Wanda sniffs her spoonful of cereal before bringing it to her mouth. 

“Cereal,” she answers as the milk flickers and changes once again. 

She shuffles out into the living room and you follow closely. She takes a seat between the boys, and a knock sounds at your door. You take a few steps toward the front door, but Wanda raises her hand and red tendrils surround the door and open it. 

“Hi, Agnes,” she calls as Agnes enters your home. “I’d get up,” she says as she begins to laugh, “but I just don’t want to.” 

Agnes’s eyes dart from the back of Wanda’s head to yours, and you grimace. She rounds the couch and you follow her, “Hey, boys, why don’t we give your parents some me time?”

Wanda straightens and gasps softly, “Agnes, are you sure?” 

“Oh, abso-positively,” Agnes beams, reaching a hand out to the boys. 

“Do we have to?” Tommy groans as he nears Agnes.

Both you and Wanda nod. You need to figure out what's going on with her and be there for her. You can’t do that if you're looking after the boys and making sure they don’t destroy your house. 

You shoo them along, “It’s okay, boys, I’ll take care of mommy. You go and have fun with Agnes.” 

Agnes chuckles, “I promise, I won’t bite.” 

And with that, they’re gone. It feels like it’s been years since you’ve been alone with Wanda, even though you were with her all of last night. You take a seat beside her on the couch and set a gentle hand on her thigh. 

“Are you doing okay, my love?” you ask, gaze soft as you turn to look at her. 

She flicks on the TV with a grin, “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” 

As soon as she answers the potted plant begins flashing just like Billy and Tommy’s game and just like the milk jug. Next is the fireplace and then the TV. Wanda straightens as the various items in your living room begin rapidly changing. With a flick of her wrist, all the items are back as they once were. 

“Why don’t we go upstairs and relax? Everything seems a bit… distracting down here,” you suggest as you stand. You hold out your hand for her to take, and she hesitates for just a moment. “C’mon, let me take care of you,” you urge, shaking your hand slightly. 

Wanda grasps your hand and you lead her up to your bedroom. Memories of the last time you were here flood your mind, and the thoughts lingering in your mind make your cheeks flush. 

You turn to face Wanda, and it appears as if she had the same line of thought as her gaze drifts to the bed, left messy from her groggy exit this morning. Wanda tugs her robe off and throw it to the other side of the room. 

You gently grab her hand and usher her toward the bed. The backs of her thighs hit the edge of the bed and she sits, allowing you to tower over her. 

You tuck a loose strange of red hair behind her ear, “It’s going to be okay, love.” 

She leans into your touch, humming a bit, “You know, I’m usually the one taking care of you.” 

“You think you can let me take the reins today?” you ask, grinning. 

She pretends to think it over before sighing, “I think I would like that.” 

You reach into the bedside drawer and are pleasantly surprised to find exactly what you were looking for. You pull out a silk blindfold and silk restraints, holding them up for Wanda to see. She nods, wordlessly giving you permission to have your way with her. 

She lifts her arms so you can tie them up, and your fingers work expertly as they secure her wrists to the headboard. You aren’t sure how your hands know what to do, it’s almost like muscle memory. You reach for the blindfold and gently pull her hair out of its ponytail so you can wrap the blindfold around her head. 

“You’re gonna let me know if it’s too much?” you ask as you straddle her waist. 

She nods, “I trust you, baby.” 

You hum before pressing a soft kiss to her lips. It’s sensual and sweet— the exact opposite of the thoughts that are currently running through your mind. Desire courses through your veins as you deepen the kiss, swiping your tongue across her bottom lip and ravishing the inside of her mouth. 

You groan at the taste of her, sweet like the cereal she had earlier. You pull away, just for a moment, to trail kisses down the side of her, loving the little gasps that leave her. 

You slide down her body, trailing your hands over her breasts and down her abdomen. You hook your fingers into the waistband of her sweats, looking up at her through your lashes. She gives a curt nod, sensing your silent request for approval. 

In one swift motion, you relieve her of her pants and underwear, leaving her bare. You gasp at the sight as heat pools in your belly. You situate yourself between her thighs, flushing as they automatically spread for you. 

“So pretty, mommy,” you whisper, your breath fanning across her core.  Her breath catches in her throat as she bucks her hips. You wrap your arms around her thighs, keeping her steady as you press kisses along the insides of her thighs. 

She whines as you avoid everywhere except where she needs you. 

“Don’t make me beg, baby,” she pants, a hint of warning dancing in her tone. She could easily flip the script and have you be the one begging. All it would take is a flick of her wrist and your reality would change. 

The thought causes you to freeze just for a moment. Your… reality? 

You’re drawn back into the moment by Wanda bucking her hips in your direction, and you’re reminded of the task at hand. 

You run a soothing hand over her thigh, “I’m sorry, mommy. I’ll make you feel better. I promise.”

You press some final kisses before latching your lips onto her core, swiping your tongue through her folds. She tastes exquisite, and you can’t get enough of her. You eagerly lap at her core, taking in all of her. You dip your tongue into her entrance, loving the way she clenches around you. 

Those perfect little whines and gasps were escaping her as your mouth worked its magic. You slide a hand up and under her shirt, kneading her breasts and relishing how soft her skin is under your fingertips. You rolled the pliable bud of her nipple through your fingers, eliciting a whine from her. 

You slide the index finger of your free hand through her folds, coating it in her slick. You languidly sink your finger into her entrance and then pump it just as slowly. She groans as she throws her head back against the pillow. 

You latch your lips onto her clit as you add another finger, increasing your pace.  You swirl your tongue around her clit in a way that has her arching her back and whining. You curl your fingers inside her and reach that spongy spot that had her toes curling. 

“Love that pretty little mouth of yours, baby,” she whines, clenching against you. 

With one final thrust of your fingers, she’s cumming around you, a high-pitched mewl leaving her lips. Her hips rut against you, sending your fingers even deeper inside her. As she cums, red tendrils rush out of her and swirl around the two of you. The room changes rapidly around you, and your vision goes black. 

You were a black widow. Natasha Romanoff rescued you from the Red Room, and you became an Avenger. You met Wanda when Ultron lifted Sokovia out of the sky and changed your life completely. Your life was never the same after that, and you’d been by her side ever since. That was until Thanos came and ripped your entire life apart at the seams. He took Wanda from you, and you wanted him dead. You grieved her for those five years, and you grieved everyone you lost afterward. The pain was too great, and Wanda wasn’t the same afterward. You couldn’t do it. She created this idyllic life for you. To keep the pain and the grief and the heartache from hurting you. To keep you with her. 

You shake your head and blink rapidly. Your head is pressed against the plush of Wanda’s thighs, and you slowly lift your head. She was still coming down from her high and you remove your fingers from her, earning a sigh from her in return. Slowly, you go through the motions of untying her restraints and removing her blindfold. 

She blinks a few times as her eyes adjust to the midday light shining through your bedroom window. You press your lips to her, attempting to convey all the emotions that were swirling through your mind. 

She cups your cheek, and her eyebrows furrow as she looks over you, “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Is this real?” 

She straightens, “What do you mean?” 

“Please, Wanda,” you beg as your throat tightens, “how did I get here? What’s happening?” She stands and begins throwing her clothes back on, avoiding your gaze. You stand along with her, watching as she moves throughout the bedroom.  “Please, just tell me. I won’t be mad, I swear.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she states as she heads out your bedroom door. You follow after her,  your thoughts racing a mile a minute. 

“I love you, and I don’t care how you made this possible. But, I deserve to know,” you pleaded with her as she walked into the kitchen. 

She retrieved a cup from the cabinet, pressing her lips into a thin line. “I told you, I don’t understand what's happening and why I can’t fix it,” she says, exasperated as she throws her hands up. 

“Wanda!” someone calls as they enter your home. You both straighten as you turn to the front door. Monica comes running into your house, panting. 

“What are you doing?” Wanda hisses as she rounds the corner of the counter and steps in front of you. 

“Wanda…”

“How did you get in here?” 

“Listen to me,” Monica holds up her hands. “This whole thing is about them,” Monica started, pointing to you. 

“Get out of my house,” Wanda demands, rage burning in her eyes. 

“Hayward was trying to bring them—”

“Don’t talk to me about that. Don’t talk to me about my family,” Wanda orders as red tendrils wrap around Monica and push her out of your house. “I don’t want to hear about it.” 

You follow as Wanda lifts Monica into the air for all the neighborhood to see. You are stunned as you watch their interaction play out. You don’t think you’ve seen this anger in Wanda before. 

“The drones, the missiles, Pietro?” Wanda questions, lifting Monica higher in the air. 

“No, wait, Pietro, no, no, no, that wasn’t us,” Monica stammers. 

“All you do is lie!” Wanda shouts as she throws Monica toward the ground. 

You rush forward, ready to catch Monica, but she halts her descent. Blue energy rushes out from the ground as she lands and looks up at Wanda with electric blue eyes. Wanda lets out a gasp and grabs your bicep, yanking you behind her. 

Monica straightens as she stares down Wanda, “The only lies I’ve told are the ones you put in my mouth.” 

A red ball of energy appears in Wanda’s hand, and the air seems to shift. “Careful what you say to me,” she warns. 

“Don’t let him make you the villain,” Monica urges, an unspoken understanding of who they’re talking about passing between them. 

The ball of energy brightens in her hand and she raises her brows, “Maybe I already am.” 

You’re about to step in when Agnes rushes over, “Young lady, I think you overstayed your welcome. They’ve been through enough.” 

She wraps an arm around you, and the hairs on the back of your neck stand on edge. She looped her other arm through Wanda’s and began to tug the two of you away. 

“This doesn’t concern you,” Monica began. 

“Run along dear,” Agatha urges as you begin to walk toward her house. 

“Wanda, you have to take it down,” Monica calls, pleading with her. 

“No,” Wanda snaps, turning to point at Monica. “Don’t make me hurt you.” 

Your thoughts are racing as you get tugged away by Agnes. Wanda wraps a protective hand around your waist and pulls you closer. What have you gotten yourself into? 

[briebysabs]

I have to talk about Misha I’ve been holding this for so long. I am not defending him, everything he’s done is fucked up. I just want people to understand him better and idk how coherent this will be but HSVDVXHSBSJJDF

Bc if you hate him, totally justified. But I don’t want Misha to ever be simplified to the jealous crazy younger brother. Yes he is technically that but one thing about mochijun characters is that most of the time, you can always dig further into their psyche. And I feel like not enough people do that with Misha. I haven’t made an in-depth Misha discussion until now mostly bc I’m a potato. He isn’t 2-dimensional and he fits perfectly in the themes of vnc. Misha cannot be saved, he is a hopeless character, he bears Luna’s Mark while using the Book he is doomed. You can say he was doomed the second he entered the story. His brotherly love for Vanitas is twisted. He is the embodiment of tragic. Everything that led him to this point was not his fault. The only thing he chose was to follow Luna and join their clan bc he would’ve died otherwise. Luna and Vanitas are the only good things he ever had.

We all know his backstory. So of course losing both would make him snap. And on top of all this he’s being manipulated by Teacher. Who fucking knows the lies or orders Teacher has been feeding him. All this when he’s like 12....13 at most.

And let’s approach the vanoé situation. We know the depth of vanoé’s relationship and even though Misha might’ve observed from afar, he doesn’t have that context. To be fair he probably wouldn’t care but point is, he sees Noé as some random guy. And again, let’s withdraw ourselves a bit and see things from the outside. How much time has passed since chapter 1? How long has Vanitas and Noé actually known each other? We know that a couple weeks passed since the end of the Gevaudan arc. We know that a week passed after Vanoé got kicked outta Ruthven’s study. If there are any other mini time skips I’m forgetting pls lemme know. But let’s be honest, they’ve known each other for two months. If we wanna push it, three. Of course how long you know a person doesn’t solely decide how close you get to them. You can know someone for two weeks but depending wtf goes on in that time frame, they can become your ride or die. But let’s use Misha’s logic for a minute.

You’ve known Vanitas longer, both of you went through hell under Dr. Moreau. You have the same Mark, you’re gonna suffer the same fate. And from how you see it, he chose a man he met by chance a few months ago, over you. Someone who will never truly get it. He is putting his life in the hands of a stranger over yours. You finally meet again after all this time, and the brother who you believed puts you above everything, points a gun at you. Yeah, Misha fucked up. But that will hurt anybody.

Misha challenges their relationship. He questions how much it even makes sense. It’s not only “how can you chose Noé over me?” But also “How can you kill Father but not him?” Is he more important than us?? And that’s a valid question. Messed up but understandable to ask. Noé has protected Vanitas and has been pretty helpful. But Vanitas doesn’t need him to survive. Noé isn’t essential for this suicide mission he’s on either. Misha cannot understand what Noé brings to Vanitas’ life.

Misha was so dependent on Vanitas that he couldn’t fathom his brother not feeling the same. Vanitas loves Misha, no matter how strained or corrupted that bond has become. But he is not emotionally capable to stay with him. And he is allowed to feel that way. And Misha is allowed to scream and wail and be broken about it. In conclusion, Misha is an amazing addition to the narrative, I love him a lot. But I also love Vincent from ph so that explains quite a bit doesn’t it?

[waining-crescent-moon]

i was going to do this in a reblog but it felt a bit too long for that so i’m just going to make my own post and link the post i got this idea thing from here by the blog @telugu-girl-13

major unraveled spoilers!!!

I’ve decided to mostly go through this in sections so I will put a picture of what I’m talking about in each section.

I’ve had the Eleanor is alive theory since I found out she was ‘dead’ in legacy so I’m either being delusional or it was planned and just wasn’t obvious. I don’t have much evidence because a good amount of that theory was just knowing how Shannon tends to write. For example, she has faked or rewritten character deaths before. Helpfully, Keefe gave us the examples when he met Eleanor “‘Cause the only other explanation I can think of is that this is another secret-twin thing, and I’ve already lived through that twist—though I guess I also did the not-dead twist when I ran into Alvar. And when Fintan showed up again.” (Unraveled, 348). Clearly, Shannon is aware of how often she does this twist. Leading up to Unraveled she also said that she made the book because there were secrets that only made sense coming from Keefe’s perspective. That is not real proof, I’m aware, but it does mean that she has some plans for everything that happened in Unraveled, likely meaning there is more to find out about Eleanor’s situation. The main proof I have from the story is that Eleanor is the same age as the main cast which is also more of evidence based of off how Shannon writes. I do think that the twist was planned, Shannon just didn’t build up to it well enough.

My assumption for the Gisela bit is that it’s going to be revealed that she actually knew eleanor was alive and just needed her or something. Especially with how Eleanor mentions “Three days later a stranger showed up at our door and told me my dad was dead and I had to leave because I needed people to think I was dead too.” (Unraveled, 356). So, someone else knows about her being alive, possibly a neverseen member or someone connected to Gisela.

Eleanor also says “But…he’d made all these arrangements. Obituaries. Graves. A new name. New guardian. A bank account.” (Unraveled, 356). We know from this that she has a new ID and most interesting, to me at least, a new guardian. Having all this stuff means that it’s more her dad’s fault she’s still in London. With what we are given about her character in her scene it seems like it’s very important to her that she follows her dad’s instructions, even if it’s not the safest option. Keefe also describes her “bright red hair” a lot when he saw her. My theory for this is that it may be dyed, but that’s not confirmed, just what I got from the line. Also, the only thing people have to identify her is a grainy, black and white photo in a newspaper from like five years ago. I’m sure it would have been difficult right after he died when she looked the same but as we saw her dad got her a guardian before he died meaning there was probably a lot less suspicion on her.

[possiblyunhinged]

Honestly, there’s always been an unsettled feeling in my stomach when it comes to the way progressive men talk about capitalism. There’s such a fixation on class—with blinkers on. Seldom do they acknowledge how race and sexism shape these power structures. And when conversations turn to violence against women and girls? Progressive men are often nowhere to be seen.

I’ve written on and off this website since I was 13 years old, and most of the “engagement” I’ve experienced has been from men; some even became my IRL friends... well, apart from the 40-year-old man from Maryland who would ask for pictures of my legs and attempt to groom me. Back then, I wrote a lot about capitalism because, let’s face it, I’m a one-track record. But whenever I shared something about being assaulted or anything remotely feminist? The men who constantly engaged with my other posts were nowhere to be seen.

This trend has followed me throughout my life. At university, the men I knew would happily perform progressiveness—until it came time to reckon with their own role in systems of oppression. And I say this as somebody who really struggled to come to grips with my own privilege. I understand the simmering discomfort people feel in conversations such as these.

I saw myself as someone who grew up in poverty, had undiagnosed autism, lived in a domestic violence household, and was homebound due to agoraphobia—so how could I possibly be privileged in any understanding of the world? It took me a lot of time to read, listen, and sit with uncomfortable truths to understand why I was contributing to something so painful for so many people. I found it deeply embarrassing to be confronted with my ignorance and, in many cases, to realise how I had chosen it when I had the option to learn. It emboldens people’s oppression when “good” people do nothing.

I started truly engaging with the words of women of colour, in particular, and even now, I have to constantly poke myself on the shoulder when it comes to topics about justice. I remind myself to think about how these structures of oppression, more often than not, are even more pervasive when considering the influence of racism. I learned to sit with that discomfort and hold myself accountable—and to this day, I’m checking myself and making a deliberate effort to be conscious of race.

If the core reason you care about critiquing a capitalist system is because justice matters to you, then that same principle should apply when thinking of the experiences of women and people of colour. If your moral foundation is strong, why would it crumble when confronted with forms of oppression that capitalism exploits and deepens? It shouldn’t be about appearing virtuous—it should just matter because it’s morally wrong.

I just wish men were truly there in the conversations. I wish that, instead of relying on women to exclusively speak out—and then becoming the recipients of relentless trolling and pushback—men would take on some of the burden. Every day, women navigate the behaviour of men they don’t know. We’re not avoiding certain routes because they’re inconvenient or “dangerous”; we’re avoiding them because if we’re attacked, raped, or harassed, we’re left wondering: will anyone stop them? Will our screams even be heard?

Too often, it feels like when we speak about the violence we endure, society’s response is to hold up a sign that reads: “Please shut the fuck up, you’re making us uncomfortable.” It doesn’t inspire much hope, to put it lightly.

And men may roll their eyes reading that. But even when women are murdered by their partners—when their bodies are blended or dismembered—they are rarely given the dignity of their name being used in news articles. Instead, the narrative focuses on the man’s shockingly “unlikely” profile as a suspect. Maybe it’s because our understanding of why violence against women and girls is so pervasive is chronically outdated. There isn’t a “type” of man who does it. We just choose to ignore sexism at its molecular level, to overlook its breeding grounds, and to use the inevitable results—women being killed, harassed, and stalked—as opportunities for collective sighs before continuing to do nothing.

We’re seeing young men becoming more radicalised, with a clear political distinction forming between young men and young women. Teachers are reporting shocking levels of misogyny in classrooms, and the impact of this is devastating. Silence isn’t achieving anything.

But, of course, the problem isn’t the influencers feeding them hatred or the systems failing them. No, it’s apparently young women’s fault—for not sleeping with them, for having “unrealistic” standards, or for waiting around for Jason Momoa. That’s the rhetoric these young men are being fed, and it’s both laughable and terrifying.

When my abusive father left our family home, one of the first concerns people raised was about my brother. “Who would he be without his dad? How would this loss affect him?” We acknowledge the enormous influence men have over other men, especially young men. We recognise the importance of mentorship in helping boys and men craft fulfilling, positive lives for themselves. Yet, at the same time, we accept silence from men when it comes to educating young men about sexism—a silence that enables systems of misogyny to persist.

And what is the cost of that silence?

Who pays the price?

I feel like I write something like this every so often, and the feeling is the same—exhaustion. Whether I’ve wanted to participate or not, men have truly been centred in my life since day one. Whether that’s my dad or feeling dutiful to men who hurt me because I was brought up being told their feelings were silent killers—so how dare I inflame them by not being docile or thoughtful to that, regardless of the pain inflicted on myself.

It just feels to me that society has collectively decided that women are simply collateral damage in an issue they don’t have the bravery or commitment to address. Clapping when a billionaire falls victim to a system they benefited dearly from, before a deafening silence when, yet another, woman is murdered by a man—and not thinking for a second why her name hasn’t even been used—is worrying to me.

Above all else, it makes everything else stink of disingenuous bullshit.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #13 – Victory City by Salman Rushdie

One of my goals for the year is to read more proper literature (here defined as fiction I can mention reading to my mother without getting judged for it). I’ve never read anything of Rushdie’s before, but I did remember his name in the news recently due to the whole attempted-murder thing and, happily, my library actually had a copy of his newest work. So, picked this up and read it sight unseen!

The book follows one Pampa Kampana – a nine-year-old girl who, in the 14th century, witnesses her city destroyed, and her mother burning herself alive. She is then inhabited and blessed by a goddess, blessed/cursed with a lifespan measured in centuries and the destiny of raising an empire up and seeing it fall before she dies.

The narrative is framed as a modern adaptation/summary of the epic poem recounting her life Pampa completes before finally dying, finally discovered and translated after being forgotten in the ruins of te imperial capital for centuries. The story is largely a story of this miraculous, semi-utopian empire, as told Pampa’s eyes (and with a lengthy digression during the years she spends in exile).

This is a story that exists somewhere in the muddy middle ground between historical low fantasy and magical realism – it’s in some sense an alternate history of the Vijayanagara Empire, and replete with historical trivia and references, but is quite clear from the outset that accuracy is not really something the book cares about. Instead, the book’s Vijayanagara – always written as Bisnaga, as it was translated by a historical Portuguese chronicler whose also a minor character in the story, to prevent confusion – is basically allegory and morality tale with a light coating of history for flavour.

Not that I can really begrudge Rushdie for his strident politics (as far as I can tell I basically agree with him on all of it), but this really does feel like one of those old fantastical utopias, or a political treatise that gets past the censors by pretending to be the history of a foreign country, more than it does a novel. Which could definitely work! But in this case really didn’t, at least for me. There’s enough time spent on characterization and character drama to eat up pages, but not enough for it to ever feel like they’re people and not just marionettes acting out a show. I suppose the best way to get across the reading experience is that I was reading a proper 500 page history book at the same time as I read this, and this felt like the bigger slog by far.

Though part of that might just be disappointed expectations that I really had no right to have in the first place? As I said, I had Rushdie slotted in my head as a literary author, but really I don’t know nearly enough about him or his work to justify that. So I came to this expecting to be at least a bit wowed and bedazzled by the artistry and beautiful prose on display – and like, eh? Not bad, to be sure, the narrative voice and the framing device are both fun and fairly well done. But having read it there’s really not a single passage or sequence I can say has stuck with me.

The comparison that comes to mind is Kalpa Imperial by Angélica Gorodischer, which is also a book-length epic history of a fantastical empire that never was which laughs at all conventional wisdom about pacing, characterization and plot (and which also has been shelved as magical realism for what are basically reasons genre snobbery imo). It’s been a few years since I read it, but from what I recall that agreed with me far more. Maybe just because it abandoned the conceit of a single protagonist and family melodrama entirely, or maybe because it had a bit more subtle in its social commentary (or maybe it was just better written on a sentence-to-sentence level).

Though I should say, there’s every possibility I’m being a bit harsher on this than it entirely deserves – it’s an entirely competent book! The politics are blatant but like a) they’re politics I agree with and b) they’re nowhere near the most blatant or forced-feeling inclusion of progressive politics in fiction I’ve seen recently. However, this is also a piece of writing that’s among other things very clearly and directly about how important and sublime and world-changing the art of writing is. Which is like a movie about making it in showbuisness, or a musical about how great singing is. Automatic deduction of a full letter grade.

[something-tofightfor]

A PSA:

This wasn’t a post that I ever thought I’d make on here, but it’s something that I’m choosing to do because I want to be transparent about it - and about myself. 

It was brought to my attention that there are people that used the information they knew about me gained through a private space to seek out my twitter account. They then used the discovery of my twitter to search for a slew of very specific words and phrases in order to drag up things that I may or may not have said throughout the years in order to use what they found against me and to paint me as a variety of things that I am not. Unfortunately, there were tweets that they did find. I’m not proud of the way I spoke and behaved online in my early 20’s. I said hurtful things, and portrayed myself - via these words - as something that I am completely ashamed of now. Of course, looking back, it’s easy to say “I definitely shouldn’t have said these things” - but that’s the truth. I shouldn’t have, and I regret that these things exist under my name, even if only via screenshot in present day.

I’m including some of the examples beneath the cut, because I don’t want to trigger anyone without their consent. But in the spirit of being open about the things I said in the past, I think it’s important to admit to them as an example of the way people can and do change their behaviors over time - and in recognition that these tweets do not reflect me as a person - or my feelings and opinions - any longer. (TW: the following images contain text that includes instances of racism and homophobia).

These tweets as well as others in the same vein I have been able to find have been deleted from my profile - which should have been done sooner - because they are horrifying to me as I look back on them. In reality, they never should have been tweeted in the first place. Many of them, I don’t remember tweeting, but that doesn’t excuse my past behavior - or negate the fact that they were up in the first place. These are not a reflection of me, today, as a person, and if I met younger Rachael, I would call her out on her shit immediately.

But as you can see, the dates show you that the majority are from well over decade ago - and in the time since, I’ve reevaluated a ton of things including the way that I speak, the things that I say, and the phrasing that I choose to use. Using terms like “gay” or “lesbian” in the manner that I used to is unacceptable. Bringing up race or ethnicity as a generalization for a group is also unacceptable. I have no ill will toward people based on their sexual orientation, race, gender etc.

I will also say that - because it is public information - I am a registered Republican voter (as I was encouraged to sign up that way when I turned 18) and have voted for occasional Republican candidates in recent local elections, but have not voted for a Republican presidential candidate since Mitt Romney in 2012. Many of my family members are Republicans as well, and before I really had a chance to be out on my own after college, I unfortnately echoed a lot of their sentiments about R vs D when it came to politics in my late teens and early 20's. I had a lot of issues with Obama's presidency, but NONE of them were based on his skin color. That tweet above absolutely fills me with shame even 13 years later, and I can't put into words how uncomfortable it makes me to know that at some point, I actually typed those words out and then POSTED them, because present-day me cannot reconcile with feeling that way and expressing that type of sentiment.

There is certain context, also, to the 'thanks for not being gay' tweets that wasn't shared - and while it doesn't excuse them, the phrase was used between the friend whose name is blocked and I due to the exact thing being said to HER by a coworker, and both of us thinking it was an absurd thing to thank someone for. And Spangler Park was a running joke in the city that I used to live in, due to the fact that the weekly police blotter was filled with reports of gay men using it as a meeting place for public sexual acts.

Trying to explain myself isn't a valid defense to much of the content here, but it's also important to remember that context matters in many cases - like with the Daniel Tosh (who is a comedian) reply, that was clearly in response to something he said on his own account, but what that was is unknown to me 13 years later since it wasn't a quote tweet.

I am constantly trying to hold myself just as accountable as I hold others in my life for the things they say, do, and believe. I would not tweet or say any of these things today. I do not believe any of these things today. I have grown and learned a lot in the last decade plus, and I hope that that is reflected in my current behavior and with the people and causes I support. I am not the same person at 37 that I was at 22-23 - very few people are.

I will end this with a sincere apology to anyone that I may have hurt with these messages and my behavior - both now and in the past. I regret saying these things. I regret the fact that for a period of time, I "spoke" with very little thought about the impact of my words, or how wrong these things were to say. I have tried to - and hopefully accomplished - make changes in my life throughout the years, and continue to do so every day. 

It's impossible to make meaningful changes overnight, but I hope that you believe me when I say that over the course of the last decade, I have changed a great deal about myself and my behavior, and work hard to keep learning as the world around me changes, too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. My inbox and DMs are open for questions and conversation, if you have anything to say. If this is where you choose to part ways with me, I wholeheartedly understand that, too, and wish you the best. An additional reply to an ask I received

[teaandinanity]

7KPP Week, Day 1: Background (remix)

Fair warning to my followers, it is that time again and I'm gonna be posting Nonsense for the next week (if the executives function and I manage to be productive) or at least a few days of it (if the executives are typically dysfunctional).

Putting this under a cut because just the blather is Long and then the ficlet for Baby Weaver Valya is Longer.

Day 1's prompts were

What is your character's background and why did you pick it? How do they feel about it? If you've talked about this before, you can instead consider the following: Have you considered using an existing MC for one of the secret backgrounds? Is there another background you think might be interesting for your MC? Elements of another background you could incorporate into them for an AU?

Calanthia is a Widow because I wanted a Katyia's Legacy MC and found Widow easiest to min/max. Valeriya came into existence because I did Lyon’s date on Calanthia just to see what it was like and immediately said ‘oh no’ because it is My Exact Jam. Then I went ‘… does he still say you’re a good person if you are Entirely Morally Neutral’ and then the answer was YES and I got brainworms SO bad. Valya hates pretty much everything about being a Widow because everything about her backstory is worse than Calanthia’s. Anthy’s parents are bumbling idiots with no financial or political acumen but she and her siblings figured out how to manage them by the time she was like 13. Valya’s parents are genuinely bad people made infinitely worse by unhappiness with their circumstances and are cruel to each other and their children and the next-oldest of her siblings actively hates her and tries to ruin her life on a regular basis. Anthy’s marriage was of course mercenary but it was also mutually beneficial and she and her husband were friends. Valya’s marriage was a nightmare; she was justifiably terrified going in, she was way too young, she went through with it mostly because she knew she’d outlive him even if she had to get blood on her hands to make sure of it and because otherwise her mother (who hated her a lot for being ‘the reason’ she had to marry her husband and therefore also ‘the reason’ her life has sucked so much since) would have seen her married to less advantage and to someone she really would have been shackled to for the rest of her inevitably-much-shortened life. Anthy is older and well-adjusted. Valya is still in her teens, traumatized, and just DESPERATELY wants to be safe. The main thing they have in common is that they fall in love and go ‘oh no.’

I’ve considered making Valeriya a Weaver, and I really want to try that once the secret backgrounds are in the game! It’s interesting to consider how DIFFERENT her life would have been if her mother had NOT married her father and just gone off to the countryside and then sent her oops baby away to be raised by her sister in Arland. Valya would be so much more well-adjusted under those circumstances, so she’s probably much happier and way less tentative with Lyon.

Probably also less careful in general, and more apt to meddle, so I imagine there’s at least one extra assassination attempt. The rest of her life probably looks very similar, though; after her marriage, even a very traumatized Valya grows into her new life and eventually feels very happy and safe.

I’ve also considered making Anthy a Weaver because I think it would be fun to do Jasper’s romance on a Weaver. I have considered making her a Historian for the same reason and because that would make the ‘you don’t have to act. I will.’ line hit like a TRAIN. We'll see how I feel about all of that once the secret BGs are in; the one I'm sure of is that I'll be trying Weaver Valya.

With that initial meta babbling out of the way:

On to the Fic!

She isn’t in the least Arlish and she is made to know it very young. She doesn’t mind, though; she looks like her aunt, and her uncle looks at both of them like they’re marvelous.

The fifth time she is allowed to attend a dinner party with her guardians, the first time she is permitted to separate from both of them to play with a few of the other children present, one of the other guests says something unkind. Valeriya hardly notices; the lady isn’t very important, and her opinion is so much hot air. But the other children freeze, and look at her, and she realizes she has to respond. Valeriya raises her chin the way she has seen her aunt do and says,

“I see why you’ve come over to play with the children, Lady T--- - you certainly still need a governess to teach you manners.”

It’s not the graceful set-down her aunt might have managed, but she’s nine. And the adults close enough to overhear all seem to feel, nonetheless, that she’s won the bout, especially when the lady flushes and flounders and can’t seem to come up with a rejoinder.

When they leave, her aunt slips her a few dried cranberries, clearly a reward, and her uncle puts a warm hand on the crown of her head with an approving smile.

“Well done, little Valiant.”

Her aunt laughs and asks why he’s never given her an Arlish nickname drawing him into a bantering conversation that means Valeriya doesn't have to respond. Instead, she considers the name. It’s a nice gift. She likes it.

Courage isn’t a virtue often ascribed to Arlish girls, but then--

She’s not Arlish.

--

Aunt Eleonora has been away for a week visiting friends. That’s what she said when she left, at least – that she was going to visit two of her friends. It may or may not be true; it’s entirely possible that she is instead averting an international incident, or perhaps even causing one, but if it’s either of those, she didn’t see fit to mention it to Valeriya prior to her departure, and Valeriya didn’t notice any of the usual signs and appurtenances of an aunt intending to involve herself in something exciting.

Regardless, factually, Aunt Eleonora is presently from home. In her absence, Uncle Earnest is the one who receives the post.

He isn’t the type to open anything addressed specifically to his wife. He’s good like that. Eleonora genuinely loves him because he’s good like that. Also because he doesn’t ask too many questions if someone turns up dead somewhere she’s recently been, even if it’s someone he knows her to have been profoundly annoyed with. Valeriya honestly cannot tell if he deliberately cultivates a certain ignorance or if it has simply never occurred to him – a good man, in the pure and simple manner of a friendly dog – that his wife may occasionally moonlight in murder.

It likely helps that Aunt Eleonora is scarcely taller or broader than Valeriya, who at fourteen is far from finished growing, and has wide, innocent eyes that she can use to great effect. Aunt Eleonora isn’t what people imagine when they picture a murderer. It’s not as if she does the thing with her own hands, but she’s certainly culpable for at least two deaths, and that’s just the ones Valeriya knows about.

Valeriya feels that she probably ought to disapprove of that. Probably.

In principle, certainly, she disapproves of murder.

Duke Adam absolutely deserved it, though; she spoke to the maid who was serving them while they visited and she’d have swung a poker at the back of his head herself if she’d thought a twelve-year-old girl could muster sufficient force to do the thing in a sufficiently decided fashion to effect the desired result. Whoever her aunt arranged to deliver the blow had significantly more arm strength than Valya can ever personally aspire to. Might’ve been one of the stable boys, but in this case, Valeriya elected to cultivate her own willful ignorance so that dropped hints would elicit only the truest blank incomprehension.

Aunt Eleonora approved; it doesn’t do to cause problems for the people willing to do your dirty work.

Cold-blooded murder generally ought to be avoided. Of course it ought. Occasionally, however, someone thinks power will insulate them from the consequences of being a horrible person. Aunt Eleonora does not think that ought to be the case.

Valeriya can't bring herself to disagree, and so she cannot disapprove of her aunt's inclination, in such instances, to be a surgical implement that excises such cancer from the body of their adoptive nation.

Valeriya once overheard one of her aunt’s friends imply it was the Revairan in them, and of course their birth nation has acquired a certain reputation for bloody hands and ruthlessness. It’s a silly conclusion, though.

She’s overheard enough conversations in the halls of power, sheltering in her aunt’s shadow. She knows how cheaply Arlish nobles hold the lives of a hundred, even a thousand, peasants. They pretend to be appalled by the bloody purges in their neighbor, but dressing suffering and sacrifice up in courtly manners and talk of duty doesn’t reduce the resultant suffering. Pretty words don’t make their own victims any less dead.

Valeriya has been informed she is not allowed at court again until she’s better at keeping her face as still as her tongue. She’s good at being quiet. She’s less-skilled, apparently, in keeping her judgmental disapprobation from showing when people are being overtly terrible right in front of her at dinner.

In any case, for reasons benign or otherwise, her aunt is from home, and thus it is Uncle Earnest who receives the post.

Valeriya saw the envelope; the direction was only to this house, not to her aunt specifically. It came from Revaire.

Likely more bad news; the news from Revaire is never really good. The most recent round of purges seems to be over, but the current regime won their throne with blood and have shed significantly more to maintain it. The internal unrest has made them uneasy neighbors, although Valya personally thinks that the turmoil makes them unlikely to actually have the strength to threaten other nations, particularly Arland; with the marriage alliances currently in place, anyone attacking Arland is liable to find themselves facing the combined armies of three nations on the field.

Her aunt has been upset by much of what they’ve heard, although not upset enough to set up reprisals against anyone. Valya sympathizes somewhat, but she doesn’t know anyone in Revaire, not the way her aunt does. Aunt Eleonora grew up there, and does not entirely despise her family. Valeriya wasn’t even born in the ancestral home of their family, and was fetched across the border with a wetnurse before she was two weeks old.

The conviction that it is bad news is borne out by the way her uncle acts when he comes back out of his study. He spends much of lunch very overtly not staring at her, and much of the afternoon passing by the doorway while their governess oversees their history lesson – or rather, while Valeriya is engaged in the process of a takeover, because she’s better-read on Katyia and the first Summit than Miss Henrietta, and she loves this subject, and Merit is asking questions which Henrietta is not equipped to answer without consulting reference materials but which Valeriya knows by heart.

He finally does address her, when Henrietta has taken Merit off to help her dress for dinner – an indignity she, at ten, has not yet escaped, but which Valeriya, at the advanced age of fourteen, has been long-since liberated from.

(Merit likes people helping her dress. Valeriya personally prefers to see to her own affairs. Aunt Eleonora says Merit is well-adapted to life in Arland, but she says it with a certain tone that carefully contains no disappointment; there’s a reason she takes Valeriya with her on some of her visits but almost always leaves Merit at home, and it’s not solely down to their respective ages.)

“Valya, dear,” Uncle Earnest says, sad-eyed as a hound dog, soft-voiced. Yes, assuredly bad news. She finds herself more curious than trepidatious, but holds herself very still and looks up at him. Not so far, though, not anymore.

“I’m so sorry,” he tells her gently. “Your mother is dead.”

For half a heartbeat, all she feels is confused.

She doesn’t have a mother. She has an aunt and an uncle and two cousins. But she takes her cue from her uncle’s expression even before she's really managed to make herself understand the information: She ought to be upset. She pushes her face into something more appropriate than blank incomprehension, wide eyes and raised brows, a soft mouth, and her uncle – a good man to his bones – reaches for her shoulder, offering contact, and then folding her into a comforting hug that she receives with real gratitude when she leans into it.

It lets her hide her face and think.

She has never met her mother. Well, she must have, after a fashion, but not really. Not as a person rather than a squalling larvae full of needs rather than thoughts. Now, she supposes, she never will.

Should that upset her?

She feels very little about the matter. A stranger is dead. Many strangers die every day; she is only moderately bothered about it, in general.

In this case…

Maybe it's awful, but she thinks she may be a little relieved. She can never be made to leave this life, which is comfortable and familiar, and be taken away to a strange place simply because the people there have a claim on her by being her nearest blood kin.

She will have to be careful not to let that show.

--

Aunt Eleonora tries, the year she turns sixteen, to talk to her about boys. About trouble girls can get into, liking boys.

Valeriya realizes, repulsed,

“Is this because Baron Cammus’s son was being stupid at me?”

It’s safe, here, to be so gracelessly blunt; they’re alone in Aunt Eleonora’s private parlor, and she’s allowed to be both honest and overt here, the way she never allows herself in public anymore. She doesn’t bother to hide her absolute revulsion, and Aunt Eleonora laughs.

There’s a note of relief in it.

“Ah, I should have known better. You won’t make your mother’s mistake.”

Her mother sent her away because she’s a bastard. She was lucky that she had family who could easily take her in to raise her up to the same station in life as her kin, rather than dumping her at an orphanage. She’s not ignorant enough not to have some idea what might have happened to her, if she hadn’t been lucky.

“I won’t,” she swears.

--

“I want to go to the Summit,” she tells her aunt.

Eleonora looks at her consideringly.

“You’re a touch young for it,” she muses, “but Arland does prefer to send girls who are young and pretty. In theory at least, Arlish girls who attend are supposed to know they’ve a duty to marry for the benefit of their nation, and it’s easier to persuade them of that if they’re too young to have formed any real opinions on the matter.”

Valeriya keeps her face perfectly still but for the slightest quirk of one brow, and her aunt inclines her head.

“I do think you might do well. Prove it to me, dear.”

She could ensure Valya got a spot on the delegation, but winning her own place is a test of her abilities. A test to see if she truly would do well with the opportunity. She feels a spark of satisfaction; she’d expected as much, and she does like to be correct. She presents the letter – penned by the queen’s secretary, but signed and sealed by her highness’s own hand – and her aunt smiles, bright and broad and ferocious.

--

Her aunt is happy to be seeing her off; she has a few errands for her niece to attend to on Vail Isle, and instructions on the precise wording she should use greeting Wellin’s chaperone, and encouragement to stretch her wings. Her uncle is actually crying a bit.

Well; he’s Arlish. He might actually think she means to make a miserable marriage for herself. It’s what nearly every other girl Arland has ever sent to the Summit does, including their paragon of a princess just seven years past.

He hugs her, and she hugs him back.

“Make us proud, Little Valiant.”

It’s still not at all a girlish Arlish virtue, but it is one she wants to embody. With the political situation so tenuous, with the way she intends to get involved, she will need to be brave.

"I will," she promises.

[sammywolfgirl]

Idk when I’ll draw this but I’ve been having Poppy Fulbright thoughts and imma inflict them on y’all

And uh Simon Blackquill investigation arc because I guess that’s now a thing in whatever au ace attorney thing this is. Oh my god I’m going to have to name it aaaaaa anyways

So friend is playing through SOJ (I am too but I’m being less consistent about it because anxiety is mean for dumb reasons and also I got stuff to do) and I’m thinking about the case Poppy definitely camios in, Storyteller.

So she’s about 13 since according to the timeline SOJ is a year after DD and I’m leaning towards the Simon investigations are being after SOJ (though stuff is still going on in thr background but it’s like setup)

Anyways best way to simplify it is in DD poppy comes off as more shy and antisocial, but in SOJ poppy is at the dawn of her gremlin arc.

Is it because she’s gaining more social confidence to become a more true version of herself (a menace to society)? Or is she processing her emotions she’s getting actual therapy to properly understand (thanks athena) and processing Grief over, you know *gestures to DD* all that and it’s manifesting in her being a little shit.

Both? Might be a mix of both. But nahyuta gets to be on the receiving end of a 13 year olds passive aggressive wrath because “he was mean to Ms Sunflower and prosecutor Birdsnest” and told them they’d go to hell which is hitting a little close to home for poppy In a bad way.

Aunt Bee is a bitch and poppy doesn’t like her, this mean prosecutor saying similar things to people she loves means she also doesn’t like him.

So imagine, you’re the prosecutor, and not only does this other prosecutor cocouncil for the defense, but this child who follows him abound Also jumps behind the bench, and keeps glaring at you in what looks like her best attempt to imitate him, and just frowns at you with the heat of a thousand suns behind her eyes.

And then after the trial she goes up to you and calls you stinky in your native tongue and that was apparently a surprise to the defense team too because the panda is laughing and the lawyer is sputtering and wondering when she learned to say that.

Nahyuta gets bullied by a 13 year old and it’s fucking hilarious I don’t think he’d know how to handle that. I’ll probably get a more solid vibe once I replay that case but uhhhhh yeah.

I also need to check if that case has a recess because if not poppy will just step out and come back. Because turns out she actually called mister the phantom (who’s in jail but do to reasons I’m ironing out poppy is allowed to have monitored calls with for reasons) and asked them to teach her to say that. And they did, because why not.

Anyways add that to the comic practice idea thing.

But uh… anyways yeah poppy hitting Nahyuta with the “I don’t like you, you’re mean and a bully, you’re not invited to my birthday party” and throwing off his groove thank you for coming to my Ted talk

Now for the investigations arc. Uhhhh plot wise all I got is this vague “Simon and the phantom work to take down the spy organization ring whatever they were employed by” and about halfway in poppy joins them because she’s very stubborn about getting to know the only other person she’s ever met that’s like her.

Everyone is processing shit, and also none of these bitches know how to handle an emotion, athena please save them, athena please!

It’s uh, still very wip, I wanna play through the investigations to get a feel fro it, frankly I’m leaning onto this ‘game’ having like 6 ‘cases’ but it’s espionage right? So would that even be structured the same? Do I have to limit myself to that? I don’t know I’m screaming into the void I just got what character points I want to hit because we get character arcs here. Everyone is going through it, phantom included, you are not safe.

This is very unorganized. Uhhh I’ve also been thinking who could camio in this, like both realistically in an espionage plot wise thing and also in a “my house my rules bring in the blorbo” or just fun character interactions. Like Kay Faraday, I just think she could have a fun dynamic with the gang even if she’s just here for one case. Or agent lang. or hell Franziska! Idk I guess it’ll be more clear the more I develop the plot and realize who could fit where and stuff. Like I got a solid idea for Kay being there as like an escort when poppy joins the group. Because she’s 14 at most by this point but still shouldn’t be like unsupervised especially when she’s being brought in on an interpol case thing even if it’s just to hang around.

Also Kay could bring Taka and Taka is a game mechanic babyyyyy send the bird to get evidence or check stuff out! Send the bird to attacka! Is it really a playable Simon game if we don’t get to send Taka out to do shit?

I uhh… don’t have much else to add here. Feel free to ask about stuff in the ask box god I wanna develop this idea. Or just talk about stuff.

[kauli01]

Hey Twst fandom! Guys what’s up! I’m gonna explain on why I left Insta and moved onto Tiktok and Tumblr. I’ll focus on my own experiences and what I have heard from others but I’ll mark it as what I’ve heard about! Please reblog this to let others know in the Twst fandom!

‼️ Reminder! PLEASE! DO NOT h@rass this person or try to intimidate ANYONE in this situation, please act like adults and be smarter ‼️

So here’s the explanation of my story: it was October 31 and I checked on insta since it was Halloween then I saw this post made by my ex-moot which I thought it was cute until I saw the second slide.

“So what’s redface?”

So basically Redface is wearing makeup to darken or redden your skin and it's when non-natives person impersonates of a Native American or Indigenous person, it's comparable to wearing of blackface. In the early twentieth century, it was often used by white performers and included stereotypes like being savages, spoke broken English, carrying tomahawks. "Redface" is also being used to describe "Indians".

This isn’t redface but it is still weird and insensitive for my ex-moot do sketch this.

My ex-moot tried to DM her about it but she ignored it for two days while posting shit on her stories.

She literally put the comments on that specific post as "Comments on this post has been limited" which is wild and I wasn't sure if it was a glitch but nope, same screenshots and same messages.

I didn’t and still don’t want to associate with that person and I don't want anyone who associates with them to associate with me, that's my decision due to this and I felt physically sick and uncomfortable when I saw that next slide, I ended up taking a break from it due to this and how it distressed me.

I was just simply hurt that my moots follow them and saw my story / post about it yet still followed them so I blocked them.

She ended up apologizing about it but instead publicly apologized and didn’t DM me about it which I still don’t forgive her about it, she’s 25 years old as well, adult. And she DM me an apology after she posted the public apology (I won’t be showing the DMs due to me being uncomfortable about showing it publicly)

And She also apparently posted racist rants (like apparently saying racist stuff towards black people) on her twitter. At around November 2nd to 3rd 2:27 PM; she privated her twitter account.

Another reason why I left Insta was because of another situation.

So basically here's the story, I blocked an ex-moot simply because they were bashing about some twst ships right? And the two of them are understandable? But there was one that I thought it was stupid cause yk? It's a harmless fictional ship so l blocked them and went about my day.

but at October 13, they DM'd me through my TikTok account and wondered what they did wrong, through two different accounts and it was around 12-1 AM and I was about to fall asleep so I panicked a bit because you know, it's unexpected but l ended up unblocking them because I didn't want to deal with it. (My ex-moot probably sent those texts around 3-4 PM in their timezone while it was 12 AM to 1 AM for me) but I did ended up blocking them because I still remembered what they did.

I felt like my boundaries was violated by them making two different accounts AND getting on different platforms to DM me and getting their moot to DM me on my insta account (I didn't know that information until they straight up told me about it) some of my moots follow them and I'm afraid that my moots are moots with that person, I'm scared that they're gonna ask their other moots to DM me; wondering why I blocked them.

I could show the whole DMs but l need to get this off my chest because I was scared.

I hate this and that’s why I left the Twst fandom on the Insta side, so basically; don’t make two different accounts and try DM someone on different platforms even though they blocked you on your two main accounts, I think that’s a sign?

[bleachbleachbleach]

8/12 - 8/18/2024

I wrote a version of Renji 11 what is at this point several years ago (RIP me), and have since just been throwing random stuff/required additions into that Note with no rhyme nor reason, so it took over two hours this week just to sort it all out. But! It is sorted!

Modern-era Renji 11 consists of 3 new scenes and 3 already-existing scenes. I wrote 1.5 of the new scenes. As far as how well I think this Chapter is going, I dunno. As a narrator, Renji’s kind of like, oh hey, here’s a thought I had. And here’s another one! Which feels legit but I’m not sure if it allows the reader to understand which pieces of information are actually important for following the narrative.

You know those reblog memes that like, ask people to identify hallmarks of your writing? The concept is fun, but it wouldn't work in practice because 0.02% of anyone who might see that post would have any familiarity with my writing. SO. I WILL SIMPLY TELL YOU. My hallmarks are that I love an interstice—love having things that should be on the cutting room floor not on the cutting room floor—but am also a firm believer in stories not needing to have every scene the characters experience to exist on the page. This combination means there’s a good chance that actually relevant, defining scenes simply do not exist and only the interstitial nonsense does. I think in certain stories this can be a real thing that works. I think it can also have the effect of nothing hanging together, making any sense, or meaning anything, without certain bits of key information/certain scenes that I simply did not include because they exist in my head and therefore exist everywhere right. I think that’s where this chapter is.

Maybe the remaining 1.5 new scenes will help ameliorate that, but I feel like that’s asking a lot of them. And then, theoretically, you’d think fixing the existing scenes would go more quickly than writing from scratch, but I don’t know that they will. Because the story leading up to this point has changed enough that the characters are in very different headspaces and perceptions of each other than they were when I first wrote those scenes. Well, that’s not true—Kensei and Renji are in a very different place with each other. Renji and Hitsugaya need to have the exact same conversation but, you know… better. And FRANKLY, I do not know whether entirely overhauling Kensei and Renji will be harder or easier than merely line-editing Hitsugaya and Renji. =_=;;

I’d really like to finish Renji 11 by the end of next week, and then take some time to finish out the revisions on Rukias 7 and 10, which are the most related to Renji 11. Then I’d like to go back to do final line edits on Chapters 4, 5, and 8 before heading into the big mess of revision that is Hisagi 9, because those revisions will be most related to Hitsugaya 12.

I’m not anticipating getting much done in September, because I have a major work deadline September 30th, and the rest of autumn will probably be kind of garbage, too, and I probably won't exist. But I would love to finish Part II (so, Chapters 12 and 13) by December. Well, speaking honestly, my original hope was that I would finish Part II by May, but here it is, August, and I am still working on Chapter 11. So: I would LOVE to finish Part II by December.

—

I did a low-res mockup of the fic banner several months ago (okay, this might have been last November). I pulled out some high-res assets to work with on Friday and played around with a new design I thought was fun, but it turns out design-wise the old mockup looks much more polished. Or it would, if I were using higher-quality materials. XD So I’ll probably go back to the old design. The only reason to continue with the new one is that it reflects the clusterfuck spirit of everything that happens in this fic, but I kind of like the way the old banner puts a pretty bow on the clusterfuck lurking beneath the surface. Maybe I’ll solicit opinions once I’ve made a more serious mockup of the first version.

[winterfireice]

look at me posting a fanfic for the first time in months (also the first time this year so yay) anyway here is some Sophiana because when and doubt write random gay stuff for pride month.

story under the cut

Age 13

I’m walking through the pier with my family, it’s June 15th and my parents wanted to find somewhere to eat with a good vegetarian menu and outdoor seating. My brothers are playing some random game where they try to attach sticky notes to each other’s backs without the other noticing and my mom has tried to stop the game three separate times but since then has given up, they’re both being quiet and that seems to be all my parents care about. 

I on the other hand am window shopping. I’m looking at colorful beach bags and darkly-tinted sunglasses, I pass by all of them without a problem. The only thing that catches my eye is a flowy sundress that looks long enough to touch the floor even if I am wearing heels. But my attention is quickly taken away by a little piece of fabric on the counter. It has all the colors of the rainbow and a thin tan stick anchoring it into a pen cup. 

My mom notices me hanging behind and wraps an arm around my shoulders into some weird side hug and gives me a look I don’t know how to process. Just a second later Fitz, one of my brothers yells out because he finally notices there has been a bright green piece of paper stuck on the back since we left the house and Alvar has just been adding to the collection. Aka Fitz has been losing this made-up game since it started. 

The rest of my family’s attention is diverted to my brothers and even mine is taken away from the flag.

Age 14

I’m on a run with my brother Fitz’s best friend, Keefe. I hate running alone and he was the only one free so I asked him to go with me. My dad gave me an extra long look which I ignored, I’m pretty sure the majority of people we know think we are going to start dating since he’s only a year older than me, and were both single. Plus he’s been hanging out around our house a lot more, one of my friends said it's because he likes me but I’m pretty sure he likes my brother more. 

My side starts to cramp so I slow down waiting for the pain to subside and taking deep breaths. Keefe notices I’m no longer next to him and turns around to find me. He gives me a second to catch my breath and looks around, we are on a residential street a couple of blocks away from my house, and while there are a lot of trees providing shade the June heat is still beating down on us so much I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck. 

I’ve closed my eyes to try to get the sun out of them but when I open them I see Keefe’s head turned to one of the houses. I follow his gaze and see a flag hanging by someone’s front door, it's the same color pallet as the one I saw a year ago and I can see Keefe smile to himself before asking me if I’m ready to finish up our run.

Age 15

I’m on a picnic with one of my best friends, Sophie. She has pined up her long blonde hair to beat the heat of mid-June. She prepared the whole day, made little sandwiches, and packed different fruits and cookies, there are even some baked goods her mom taught her how to make.  

The two of us are leaning against a huge oak tree in the park and watching the neighborhood kids fly kites and chase each other around the other trees. 

“Ooo look a rainbow!” Sophie gasps and points past some clouds on the other side of the park. She pulls out her phone and I notice her lock screen has a photo of her holding two little flags, one is rainbow and the other is a combination of pinks and oranges, she swipes away the photo as she opens her camera to take a photo of the rainbow and I can't ignore the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

Age 16

It’s June and I’m sitting in my room with my brother, his boyfriend, and my girlfriend. We’re getting ready for a parade that Sophie and Keefe heard about. Soph is using her phone as a mirror since all the other ones in my room are currently being used but before she opened her camera I saw her newest lock screen which is a photo of the two of us holding up a pride flag just like the one she got me a couple of months ago that sits in an old cup on my desk that I use to hold my pens.

But hey, it's just a cute little flag.