#I’m usually having a lot of moments
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your tags are me to a T, mommy issues from bio & adopted mom 😭 don't even want to think abt the abandonment issues... it's fckn hard out here for gods hottest soldiers 😔
(no need to apologize; I hate seeing you feel down when you do post, but I really do feel less alone reading them. you express your feelings in words so well feel like youre in my head 😅)
Well if I’m not here typing them out sharing them with you and everyone.. I’m crying, yelling and throwing things!!! I like to write or sing when I’m having a moment. I never learned emotional regulation so you guys get to go on that bumpy ride with me :)
#I’m usually having a lot of moments#thank you for letting me know I make you feel seen and less alone#i always wanted to reach and connect with others just like me🥺🤍
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*gently opens the door, then kicks it the rest of the way open as dramatically as possible*
Mario normally being fully verbal but going nonverbal when his PTSD flares up so part of the reason he struggles to tell his loved ones when he’s struggling is because he physically *can’t* and this is a new development and he’s embarrassed so he just. Hides until it’s over and then pretends it never happened because he’s fucking terrible at balancing his pride and his coping mechanisms
This is now canon to my ‘verse.
#not quite back yet! but I had to write that down lest I forget it#I tend to go nonverbal when deeply upset so it’s based on a true story#being in retail means I’ve had to teach myself to force past it and keep talking anyway but it’s still challenging#(thankfully since moving from retail to tourism it doesn’t happen nearly as often and I can get space when I’m upset!)#before that if something triggered a nonverbal spell then I couldn’t talk for anywhere from several minutes to a couple of days#actually I still have a lot of moments where I go nonverbal and I’m just now coming to terms with that#because while I usually CAN still talk it’s extremely uncomfortable and draining#ALL THAT TO SAY#I am once again projecting onto my boy 😌#peaches has opinions
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TWO LINES
klav said two FUCKING lines and started flirting i m m e d i a t e l y what the shit klav
like
like i’ve seen that screenshot before i just assumed he waited one more fucking minute before saying it? klavier. klav. bae please have you no self control 😭 what a day to be alive
#first time playing apollo justice#and i’m playing w my brother cause we gamers#and the moment we reached that line we started giggling our heads off instead of voice acting like usual and he said#I THOUGHT THE FANDOM WAS PROJECTING WHAT IS THIS??#NO BROTHER WE HAVE NEVER MADE ANYTHING UP#EDGEWORTH HAD UNNECESSARY FEELINGS#and he went well yeah but they had a whole long term thing going on there was a lot happening there#and we stared at the screen again and. yeah#ace attorney#klapollo#humour
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I love thinking about how this would go down with them
#ghost rider dandadan au#lisa totally brings this up again. ‘awwwwww my evil minion is no longer evil minion-ing’ ‘what the fuck are you talking about??’#gotta be direct with this one girlie pop he’s one dense motherfucker. usual flirting techniques ain’t gonna apply here#REALLY need to draw their respective ‘jealous rage’ moments#some days lisa thinks she might have hit aira with that washing too hard. other days she thinks ‘perhaps not hard enough’#idk how jealous of a person robbie is in canon I’m thinking it’s not that bad. but in the dandadan world he’s got a couple things going-#against ‘reasonable behavior’#Robbie would be way closer to lisa in this universe considering their shared nightmare experience lmao#and then here comes along this dude outta NOWHERE and he’s ‘open’ and ‘trusting’ and ‘outgoing’#ALL THINGS ROBBIE REALLY ISNT#and the dude wastes NO TIME hitting on lisa. like. okay jiji. can you take a few fucking steps back please.#robbie reyes#lisa (ghost rider)#lisa o’toole#<- fuck it. tagging her name as that. she deserves a last name and that’s a good one.#my art#ANYWAY can you tell I’ve been thinking about this a lot#I just want them being kind of insane about each other to transfer over yk#please pardon the shitpost quality I am ✨tired✨ but I wanted to talk about them so so SO bad
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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I’m gonna have to accept my brain may always be soup at this point. But it beats feeling tortured all the time?
Anyway, pointless tattoo plotting. For myself. I don’t think it’s wise to consider what is basically an upper arm sleeve for my first, but it’s fantasy land if it’s just in the sketchbook and honestly? Anything to kick at the art block.
It’s all birds: blue Jay and Baltimore oriole, with fresh spring green ash leaves and an autumnal red oak. And maybe a hexagon in there somewhere, I can’t sort that out.
Anyway, this would encapsulate a lot of my favorite things in one go. All that’s missing is bugs! And a loon and pines, but that’s going on the other arm!
Maybe it’s futile to say this, but this humble scribble is for my use only.
#sketchbook#birds#wings#blue Jay#Baltimore oriole#favorite colors seasons trees etc all checked!#I had some wholesome moments with my parents when we went looking for orioles around my birthday this year#we found several so I’m giving them more positive associations#also they’re orange and beautiful what’s not to love?#green ash as a sad tribute to an icon I’ve resonated with since I was very young#red oak because blue jays and your stereotypical symbol of strength and perseverance#always loved the intelligence and beauty of blue jays I think they may have been my spark bird at a very young age#a messy sketch but it’s better than a whole lot of nothing#y’all I don’t even know where to begin with which bugs and where!#im getting ahead of myself#as usual!
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2024 reads / storygraph
Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments & The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle
books 2 & 3 in the Edinburgh Nights series
paranormal mystery set in a climate-ravaged future Scotland, plagued by ghosts and magic
follows a 15yo Black girl who’s finally gotten an in to learn scientific magic properly - but it turns out to be an unpaid internship, so she has to take more jobs delivering ghost messages and investigating mysteries to take care of her gran and little sister
in book 2 she’s investigating a strange illness centred on a magic school for boys
and in book 3 she’s attending a global magician conference held in a creepy castle - when someone’s murdered, and they’re locked in until she figures out the culprit
Zimbabwean magic, friendship, disabled characters, no romance (so far)
#The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle#Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments#Edinburgh Nights#T.L. Huchu#The Library of the Dead#really enjoy this series!#the worldbuilding is very interesting - kinda combo climate-ravaged future but also in some aspects societally it feels kinda 1800s#(especially with the vibe of the mystery/paranormal elements)#I saw that the author (who is from Zimbabwe) describe it as ‘if edinburgh was a third world city’ which actually makes a lot of sense#Also I have to make the wendell & wild x lockwood & co comp again#I felt like book 2 was a little all over the place? I slightly lost track of the other-realms stuff lol#I really loved book 3 though - definitely more direct plot-wise#I like how it explores her journey through learning that the magic society is just as corrupt and shitty as anything else and maybe she#doesn't want it after all. as well as how the stress of everything is getting to her is causing panic attacks#love the scottish accent in the audiobooks!#so many interesting different supernatural elements. yay for sidhe in book 3 (tho only briefly)#hold on. do the book covers reflect the colour of her locs. (ok not quite for book one which is usually blue but there is a green variant)#ok I did say no romance but also I can’t tell if I’m just imagining Something between ropa & priya bc in book 3……they had some moments.#I mean I enjoy them as platonic moments also but just noting here in case it DOES turn out to be intentional and something that happen??#also fair warning the promo for book four seems to spoil somehting that's not even in the blurb??#aroaessidhe 2024 reads
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life comes at you so fast
#tw personal#tw death#tw cancer#not my usual silly goofy post but it’s hard to remain that way when there’s a lot weighing on your mind#cancer sucks#and it’s unfair how quickly it can take people from us#one moment they seem fine and the next they’re in the icu with a week left to live#he passed two nights ago#i wasn’t planning to post about it but i have the tendency to disassociate from my grief#so here i am instead of wherever the hell!#it’s heartbreaking because he and his wife weren’t just my mum’s bosses - they were long-time friends#i have clear childhood memories of playing at their house with their son#his youngest child is only 3 years old#as soon as he found out he started giving his final messages to his staff#obviously nobody wants to die in that situation#but you could feel how much he *wanted to live*#when i was told about his death it was in the morning and it didn’t feel real#every time i had seen him in the last year he always had a smile on his face#it’s always been hard for me to deal with the prospect of death#and understand how fragile life is#how REAL mortality is#it hits even harder when it happens to someone who was so FULL of life#sighs#life comes at you fast#sometimes in all directions and in every possible and testing way imaginable#i’ve been trying to write and feel any sense of normalcy this evening but for a multitude of reasons i have a sinking feeling in my stomach#sometimes when i’m upset i try recycle the feeling into excitement or happiness over something else#yeah … i can’t really do that tonight#apologies if my energy is bleh. hold your loved ones close. now i return you to my regular scheduled programming
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Natural team dynamic progression over stream for Blue team (Soulfire) [Day One of purgatory]:
Split into two main groups—
Farming/base-bound: Tina, Missa, Lenay, Niki
Fighters/Runners: Bad, Tubbo, Pierre
Tubbo is main official leader, and Bad and Tina have been acting as co-leaders per their groups for the most part. Tina had been the biggest support leader and the main person keeping morale up within the group-- Missa, Lenay, and Niki being her main supply runners/farmers that she distributed tasks through. Pierre has become main runner who turns in missions, while Tubbo and Bad run distraction. Majority of plans are thought up by Tina, Bad, Tubbo, and Pierre, and are run through Tubbo before execution.
They’ve maintained lead the entire stream for the most part.
#qsmp#this is mostly my personal tracking so I can keep note of character dynamics#I find it really interesting how natural leadership progresses#and Tina has been MVP in keeping them all tied together#she checks in continuously esp on the quiet members like niki missa and lenay#she is the backbone of their opporations handling all farming management and tasks#without her they’d have nothing to turn in#I’m so proud of her lol I didn’t know Tina before qsmp but I would die for her#this is not without noting other members moments like missa getting apples and lenay getting dirt#niki has been fueling them too#bad and Tubbo have been PVP heavy to protect Pierre and do their best to keep close ranks#Tubbo in particular killed a lot of people. probably the most out of all the team#and bad tends to play tubbos close backup#Pierre also had a moment where he snuck in and turned in a BUNCH of missions unprotected#everyone’s done a good job!! they are a very cohesive team#esp with a lot of players not usually present on the server
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kinda sucks that i am actually asexual but i dont really get to talk about it because im aroallo and it takes a lot of explaining to say why those two can both be true for me
explanation in tags
#felix babbles#so basically. i’m aromantic but it’s really complicated. ive not been able to find just one label that works#i’m not aroflux or demiromantic or any of that but im like. i dont even know. i just don’t want to label it but it’s important#so i just say aromantic because i don’t want labels to downplay that i am aromantic and it’s a huge part of my identity#and saying aroallo feels like it makes that even more clear. my aromanticism is more important to me than being asexual#BUT. i am asexual so i can’t be aroallo right? WRONNGGG#im aceflux. but i’m also (don’t talk about this a lot because trauma reasons) hypersexual which makes things complicated.#i usually don’t imagine ever having real sex but i’m still allo in the way that i still like the idea? i’m not against it#but at other times (particularly during moments when my hypersexuality acts up) i hate it and want it the fuck away#so basically. i’m allosexual in spirit and asexual in practice. kinda#still aceflux. it’s the fact that most of the time i’m completely to almost fully allo
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Why are you tagging posts with dates from last year? Did you queue them last year?
… I did.
#Posting gives me apprehension. It's the anxiety of being perceived…#That's why even in the rare occasions I'm making a post to be posted immediately I usually still schedule it to like. Ten or fifteen or–#thirty minutes later#Just so that I don’t have to hit post lol#But yeah I usually simply draft posts and once in a while go dig down for posts from one year ago or so.#Ask me how long does it take me to dive through my ~17 800 drafts of posts (a lot) (90% of them are reblogs of course)#There’s also the fact that I want to reread the posts I’ve made some time after I’ve made them–#so that my brain is rewinded enough to notice any typos#(sometimes I end up rewriting the posts from scratch though so it doesn’t always work.#Other times I’ve reread the posts so many times I’ve memorized the sentences in them and will not notice typos because of that.)#Also sometimes I’m like “something something Akutagawa's bandaids”#or “something something compilation of Akutagawa looking at Atsushi in official art”#which is something I don’t have time to do on the moment and will leave for later#(and occasionally it happens I will never get to it at all. You have no idea how many posts in my queue are just like#“analysis on []” “compilation of []” “[edit concept]” dating as far back as three years ago#which I *should* get to elaborate eventually but eh… Not right now I suppose#On that there' literally a valley of at least 200 discarded posts in my queue “I will get to eventually”#And that's on top of the my original posts that don't make it past the drafts.#Mostly random and spontaneous thoughts that lose value after a day#I'm my own filter lol#people asks me stuff#It's also important to keep track of the date because there's takes I've completely moved on from–#but that I still find it relevant to be posted
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when I give up on fully drawing Strive so my boy despawns for a solid 6 frames
(don’t mind the animation rant in the tags that I may continue on a later date)
#twrp#starlight brigade#almost there >:D#What I have so far is straight ahead so the hair isn’t as flowy as it should be but hey surprisingly everything else is#I’ve been eyeballing everything frame by frame but the later frames take their time so I’ll be keyframing it#And then inbetween like a normal person. Struggling on drawing 20 unfortunately T~T#Trivia nugget to my fellow animators if your out there: The frame rate varies from being on 2s 3s and the occasional 4s#Only one frame stays on 1s so this whole shot most closely resembles 8fps. The original shot#(When including the blank start and end frames) lasts 5-7 seconds but there are only 29 unique frames#WHICH BREAKS MY WESTERN (disney) ANIMATION BRAIN BECAUSE HOW TF IS IT THAT SMOOTH??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#Usually what’s expected of a smooth shot is a lot of frames but mother flipping India Swift has such an understanding of timing and spacing#That with the power of a measly 29 frames created ONE OF THE BEST 5-7 seconds of animation I have ever seen‼️‼️#Am now considering to expand on my “:0” moment but I’m to far in the tags and still haven’t finished animating#Oh one last thing. Ghosta-r if ye are reading. Give me a week of recovering from school and I’ll animate some panels from your slb comics>:#I’ve been wanting to do it for like a year now but was either tired or busy. But now the universe has given me time and I choose to abuse i
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This is like, the fifth time I’ve had someone say “you can’t even tell you own a cat” and I pointed out all my cat’s toys and stuff and they were like “I mean it never smells bad in here” and I’m just confused? I can often tell when someone has dogs based on their house smell, but when I visit cat people a majority of them have normal smelling houses? I can only think of one instance that was different and they were fostering multiple cats and could only fit the litter boxes in the living room. Who are they visiting that have weird smelling houses? I’m legitimately confused? The only place that smells strong is the closet where his litter boxes are and they mostly just smell like litter dust. I wouldn’t say they smell like flowers, but if you keep up with the boxes it’s not that bad? Is this about marking things? There’s only ever been one cat who I couldn’t stop from doing that behavior and it was a senior in a house that wasn’t mine who’s home owner didn’t want to put stuff like cat trees on the main floor. Give them other ways of marking things (stuff to rub and scratch, especially near entrances and windows) and make them feel secure and they are way less likely to mark with piss? I’m not saying no cat is ever going to have that behavioral issue when provided with all the other options and stuff, but it’s way less likely. Most people I know don’t even deal with the piss marking. The two instances that come to mind involved parents who didn’t want to ruin their decor by having cat stuff in the more trafficked areas and didn’t like the cats themselves. If you don’t listen to the advice then it doesn’t have a chance of working. I have to stop myself before I infodump more about cat care. I’m just confused by the comments I’ve gotten from visitors.
#emma posts#and even the house with the parents that didn’t want it to look like they had cats were super into cleaning up any marking#it didn’t solve the problem but you still wouldn’t usually smell it#if anything I have a lot of ‘wow. your house doesn’t smell like dogs’ moments myself#maybe not a lot of those actually. I can only think of one or two instances#my autistic nose will smell anything out of the ordinary though#which also probably contributes to the apparent not cat smell thing#but my whole apartment is ‘catified’ how do these people think ‘wow. couldn’t tell’#I’m confused#cats are some of the least strong smelling animals I’ve been around#and I’ve helped care for a lot of different pets and animals#I had fish once and the tank smelled stronger than the cats#I will get even more autistic about pet care especially cats. don’t test me
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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling
#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here#you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes#easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i#happening. so that’s good#and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a#terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness#but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person#not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good#or bad#or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done#which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have#anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment#now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel#we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing#like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol#apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol#this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else#because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school#but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath#anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks
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just got out of the shower and immediately scurried to write this
#Thinking a LOT about marshplebow today#I know I usually don’t share wips because I always psyche myself out but I’m having a Moment about them
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where was Yamcha in resurrection f 😐
#what did he have an important baseball game? was he taking puar to the vet?? WHERE IS HE!!!!!#the disrespect...#why did they bring lame ass crusty ass master ROSHI and not Yamcha. HELLLOOOOO#yamcha who loves his friends and goes to fights to protect them didn't show up to the frieza fight!?!? I hate it here I am so. so serious#yamcha knows he's not the strongest or the best fighter (despite his tendency to get cocky) but#he's always willing to put himself on the line for his friends. his absence during the Resurrection F is SO noticeable#ugh. I like super but I hate super but I LOVE super but I HAATE super#I like a lot of it and the good moments are usually great enough to make up for the parts I don't like but GODD there are some bad parts#(the bad parts aren’t just yamcha not being there. I have other issues with it I’m just complaining about Yamcha because I’m predictable)#if beerus and whis weren't such charming characters I don't think I would've watched it but man. I do really love them#I've softened a lot on super since I was like 14/15 and I just love Dragon Ball in general but I sure do have Problems with it#db watch
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