#I’m still not sure if that ship is problematic or not

[sing-me-under]

You know, I love Batfam as like an actual family but also I don’t really understand how people can look at the actual comics Batfam and think “yeah, these people are definitely family” like… at BEST they resemble something like martial siblings in wuxia novels. Sometimes they’re close enough to genuinely be brothers/sisters in all but blood but sometimes they’re also just “yeah we trained under the same sect and have a shared teacher but one of us has a life long grudge against him”

[visenyaism]

tyrannical king maegor dashboard simulator

🐉queen-visenya--outlives

Dowager Queen Visenya Targaryen has outlived her nephew the King Aenys I Targaryen. Her son King Maegor I Targaryen has returned to the capital to claim his father’s throne.

💫 sevensent Follow

crusty incest king died. FLOP!

💫 sevensent Follow

wait MAEGOR?

🥔 bowlofbrown

this job fucking sucks. finished my shift and i cant even clock out because i got lost underneath the site.

#dark as shit down here #never working construction again

💌 maidens-smile Follow

i literally cannot believe how many supporters of m*egor i see on my dashboard every day when he is literally flaying and torturing so many seven-blessed poor fellows just for practicing their religion and saying incest is bad??? he’s literally outside my city waiting to burn us all to death DNI if you support him

🪨 dragonstoner Follow

🐉 queen-visenya--outlives

Dowager Queen Visenya Targaryen has outlived the High Septon. He previously denounced King Maegor and his wives as “the abomination and his whores,” and passed shortly after Dowager Queen Visenya and King Maegor flew their dragons to the gates of Oldtown and threatened to burn the Starry Sept.

🪽 maegors-wins Follow

i for one think “the cruel” is a bit unfair given how he has done so much to uplift women’s voices and free us from religious tyranny like. named the first female heir in westerosi history? improving the infrastructure in king’s landing? decentralizing the power of the faith? he literally loves gay people so much he married three of them?

🦓 zorse-deactivated7849

op what does that eleven inch necromantic targaryen dick feel like because if you keep riding that hard I’m pretty sure it’ll rot off

🔮 tyanna

in seven days you will begin to cough

#twelve. btw

🐉 queen-visenya--outlives

Dowager Queen Visenya Targaryen has outlived her great-nephew Aegon Targaryen, henceforth to be known as “The Uncrowned.” Her son King Maegor I Targaryen has slain him and his dragon Quicksilver over the gods’ eye for trying to usurp his throne.

🌞 ullerihardlyknowher Follow

why is this always how i find out how do you know this before even cravings moste popular

#also what the fuck is going on up there

🪰 florian-and-jonquil-on-nymerias-ship Follow

guys the oversexualization of king maegor is so problematic and insane considering he’s not only shy and married as a 13 year old but also is literally neurodivergent (has CTE)

🤲 aegonfort-top

🤲 aegonfort-top

lost my left hand for posting this

#it was kind of hot though

🗣️ towerstower Follow

was not into targaryen rule at all but if we are going to do it it’s kind of fun that we are being ruled by a super powered animated blood corpse and his circle of freaky bisexual witches and also his mommy instead of like. a normie who also fucks his sister

🫀 imasharpknife Follow

seven hells you people would fuck a k*nslayer if they had valyrian silver hair

🐦‍⬛ raventooth Follow

during these trying times when our king is accused of depravity and tyrannies abound throughout the land we must remember the most important truth: the brackens are still a people spawned from the lowest of the seven hells

🐎 brackennation

KILL YOURSELF. Lord Gonzo Tully himself AS YOU KNOW literallyyyyyy gave us the right to move the boundary stones over the tributary. but i wouldn’t expect a blackwood to acknowledge basic laws and rights you’re just too busy doing blood sacrifices to your nasty heathen tree god.

🐦‍⬛ raventooth Follow

as soon as i figure out why balerion is overhead rn im coming over to kill you. btw

🐎 brackennation

wait looks like he’s headed towards harrentown

🐦‍⬛ raventooth Follow

oh cool. KILL YOURSELF

💐 floriansfool36 Follow

hi guys!!! sorry i’m a sennight late posting this, my brother got killed and then one of my other brothers got tortured to death and then my great-aunt died and i ended up having to flee dragonstone for storm’s end and it was kind of scary lol. anyways here’s the update as promised!!!

🌟 maidensgrace Follow

i wish Balerion did get you RPF is literally soooooo problematic. look to your sins op

#daenys the dreamer and nymeria weren’t even alive at the same time????

❤️ lanadelrhaena

i think you did a great job. glad you’re safe xx

💐 floriansfool36 Follow

YOU HAVE INTERNET IN THE KEEP???? HIIIII

[johannestevans]

Addressing Common Arguments Against “Consuming Harmful Content”

Challenging purity culture in online spaces and their fears of “problematic media”.

Read this piece on Medium. / / Leave a tip.

Photo by Ethan Will via Pexels.

Constant and continuous arguments endure on social media about the dreaded and frightening spectre of problematic media — from television shows that supposedly “glorify” unhealthy relationships or “sexualise” and “excuse” abusive relationships; to erotica, adult books, and 18+ fanfiction that supposedly teach teenagers bad life lessons and impact their ethics; to anime and manga that surely must be the cause of child abuse the world over. 

I wrote an in-depth essay about the intellectual flaws in these reactionary assumptions, delving into their roots in lacking media literacy and rising anti-sex attitudes here: 

The above essay discusses at length many of the fears and anxieties that lead to this reactionary thinking, but does not challenge or explore the echo chambers that can arise in online spaces, particularly in aggressive environments such as Twitter/X, and for young or isolated individuals who are particularly vulnerable to peer pressure and fears of ostracisation if they admit to the “wrong” opinions.

Many of these arguments are used by “anti-shippers” within fandom and online spaces, the term commonly shortened as “antis” — if you’re unfamiliar with the term, these are people who define themselves as opposing one or more specific ships, fandoms, tropes, or kinks, often due to what they perceive to be their “problematic” or inherently “harmful” elements when engaged with or portrayed in various forms of media and art. Because of the virulent and highly aggressive nature of these online communities, these people — many of them young or isolated, often marginalised and disenfranchised from in-person, supportive environments — can become radicalised, and can experience great fear and anxiety at the premise of others holding different opinions or perspectives from the ones these online communities have impressed upon them should be held immutably by all.

In this piece I’m going to be addressing common arguments and assumptions seen on social media one by one — it is not really intended to convert the above, often radicalised individuals, but to provide support and guidance in understanding why their perspectives can be flawed, and how to engage with and deconstruct those arguments. 

It is also intended to provide support and structure to begin to engage with and potentially challenge or affirm your own beliefs and ideas about fiction, art, and other forms of media, and the extent of the impact it can have on you or others — this piece is me addressing these arguments with my own perspective, but I would encourage people to disagree with and critique my rebuttals!

The goal here is always more critical thought, analysis, and understanding, and that doesn’t come from automatically following another person’s line of thought or argument just because it’s well-poised or you particularly respect or like them — no matter who that person or people may be. 

--

“Depicting [a theme] in media is the same as glorifying it!”

Let’s first engage with what people might be discussing when they panic about “harmful content” and “problematic” ships or pieces of fiction.

They might worry about people reading or watching works that discuss or depict anything from violence, incest, sexual assault, age gaps, BDSM, kinky sex, child sexual abuse, trauma recovery, rape, rape recovery, drug use, bestiality, to abusive relationships or anything else, will encourage people to think positively about those acts, those traumas, and those experiences. 

You might look at the list of things I just wrote there and go, “Um, there are big differences between some of those things and the others!”

And yet the same consideration still applies. 

Just because a theme or idea is present in a work, or is depicted in it implicitly or explicitly, doesn’t mean it’s being “glorified” and portrayed as overwhelmingly positive — and even if a theme or aspect is being glorified, this does not mean we shall simply unthinkingly absorb that perspective.

Reading a story that contains something doesn’t mean I’ll automatically think that thing is good or bad, regardless of how it’s portrayed in fiction — the media and art we engage with doesn’t wholly change and adjust our own ethics and morals as soon as we’ve interacted with it. 

We might play a videogame and disagree with the way some themes are presented, have criticisms of them, whilst enjoying and appreciating others; we might read a piece of erotica and find some parts about it very hot, but find others disturbing and a little uncomfortable; we might watch a TV show and just think it’s in very poor taste, despite theoretically being up for the premise. 

Engaging with media does not turn off and on switches in our brains that make us completely “pro” or completely “anti” one premise or other. 

People are more complicated than that. 

We have complex and layered feelings about every argument and perspective there is, every experience there is, because human beings are social animals, and we experience very few things through an uncomplicated, binary lens. 

For me personally, I often seek out works that cover the same traumas and harms I’ve experienced — why? Because seeking out those themes helps me process and better understand what has happened to me, and how I’ve felt about it, how I’ve responded. 

“I don’t have a problem with people writing about certain harmful topics to show them as bad, but some people sexualise or fetishise them!”

I’m sure you’re right. 

Some people might write about rape to work out a complex trauma recovery narrative — others might write about rape in a work as kink. An author might well write with both goals in mind in the same work. 

A traumatic event doesn’t become less traumatic because it sexually aroused us or brought us physical pleasure — in fact, those feelings can add to the impact of a trauma and the inner conflict we experience in the aftermath. 

Some people undercut victims of sexual abuse by saying they “enjoyed” it, pointing out that they orgasmed or showed signs of arousal as signs they “secretly” wanted it, and these feelings can contribute heavily to shame and fear as a victim. 

Sexual arousal is a bodily response. It is not consent, and it’s not an excuse for assault or abuse. Moreover, some people might feel arousal or pleasure but not be fit to consent — for example, if someone is underage, or if someone is drugged or insensible with drink. 

These people cannot give knowledgeable consent, but abusers might still say after an assault that they “enjoyed” it. 

This is purity culture at work — anti-sex attitudes use people’s “enjoyment” of something to undercut their autonomy and right to consent, by implying they “deserve” that abuse — abuse is abuse whether it’s sexualised or not. 

But the thing is, the obverse applies. 

Just as someone’s mixed feelings or sensations of pleasure during a sexual assault does not mean they consented to the assault, or because someone’s feelings of happiness and love for their abuser does not mean they deserved the abusive treatment they experienced from them, a person writing sexually or erotically about a topic, or engaging with art and narratives about that topic, does not mean they actually want that thing to happen in real life, to real people, or to themselves. 

Fiction is not real life. 

We watch a horror film, and it doesn’t mean we want serial killers or demons to run amok, killing teenagers or possessing their victims — similarly, just because we engage with porn or erotica that sexualises certain topics doesn’t mean we’re pro- or in favour of those topics for real people. 

Rape fantasies are incredibly common, despite being highly stigmatised, and just because someone fantasises about this sort of control fantasy does not mean they actually want to abuse someone or be abused. 

“It’s harmful to depict abusive or immoral characters as sexy or desirable.”

If you have never experienced abuse, manipulation, or otherwise poor treatment from someone you thought was attractive, charming, or admirable, if you’ve never been groomed by someone with whom you were enamoured, I’m very glad. 

I’m happy for you, honestly. 

But many of us have. 

People want to believe that all abusers are evil, are ugly, are obvious from a distance, are blatant from the out. People want to believe they can “tell” someone is abusive just from a glance, and write them off — and that anyone who would or might spend time with that person is therefore “asking for it”, or “letting themselves” be abused. 

In actual fact, many abusers aren’t. 

Many abusers are beautiful and charming — some of them draw you in, slowly bring you closer and closer until it’s very difficult to untangle yourself from your need and craving for their approval. They ruin lives, ruin psyches, and they cause unspeakable damage to their victims. 

And yes, victims often feel conflicted in the aftermath of their abuse.

Many of us hero worship or greatly respect our abusers, love them very deeply, crave their good opinion, because we are carefully groomed and manipulated, over time, into relying on their praise and their attention. For victims isolated from other sources of care and support, and especially for young children and teenagers, it can be very difficult to recognise what is happening and has happened to us. 

Even after we know and understand exactly what has happened to us, and also internalised that it was wrong, we can still feel conflicted. 

We are not retroactively deserving of our abuse because we crave our abusers’ good opinion, or their love, still. This instinct does not excuse or justify the abuse we’ve experienced. Victims of abuse are still victims of abuse even if we go back to our abusers, even if we “accept” or attempt to justify our abuse to others, if we try to excuse it, if we don’t ask for help. 

Abuse is never the victim’s fault, no matter how imperfect we are as victims. 

“Writing queer characters as abusive is bad representation!”

If we exclusively write queer characters who are perfect and unimpeachable, we’re not letting ourselves write queer characters who are fully human, with all the flaws and complexities humanity comes with. 

Queer people are not less deserving of this complex representation than cishet people are — and in any case, the purpose of art and media is not exclusively to provide good representation, or to show good moral examples for others.

We create to express ourselves, to reflect the world, to critique it, laugh at it, commiserate over it, to feel our feelings, to connect and communicate with others through shared stories. 

If we only let ourselves do things that might be seen as “good rep”, we rob ourselves of the ability to express ourselves as completely as we might wish to. 

“If you write abusive queer characters, you’re just contributing to homophobia and bigotry in art and media!”

Queer people writing queer stories with queer villains is not the same as cishet people including queer people or queer-coded characters just to be villains. The power dynamic is completely different. 

Queer writers’ writing of queer villainy is often inspired by their own experiences, including of bigotry, and the harm they might do reflects harm by society, the ways harms might be felt more keenly by their victims. 

Writing queer villains as villainous because their queerness makes them (or is used as a shorthand for them being) predatory, cruel, or callous, is homophobic and is often shitty, whether people intend that or not. 

But just having queer villains, having queer characters do bad or abusive things, or just have flaws? 

That’s as much a part of queer humanity as having queer heroes and having queer characters do good and helpful things.

Why would you read about rape when you could read consensual non-consent?

[Consensual non-consent being a kink wherein partners agree to roleplay a non-consensual situation.]

Rape in fiction is a form of consensual non-consent. 

The fictional characters, who are not real and do not have real feelings, are not consenting, but the reader choosing to read is. 

In the same way that two people playing a CNC roleplay game in the bedroom might be a safe and fun way of experiencing or re-experiencing the fear and trauma of assault with an escape clause (a safeword), a reader can do the same — they can stop reading. 

If a television show, film, or videogame becomes upsetting, again, one can stop watching, stop playing. It is a person’s own responsibility to set safe boundaries for themselves and protect their own mental health. 

“Why would someone write about trauma and abuse when they could write fluff?”

Why would someone watch a horror movie when they could watch a romcom? Why would someone eat cheese when chocolate is an option?

People do not have to choose one or the other — many people like both horror films and romcoms, cheese and chocolate, and reading about both horrible shit and positive things. 

“You mentioned that people might engage with media about dark topics to work through their feelings from their own abuse. How do I know if someone’s actually been abused?”

Why do you think it’s your right to ask that? 

Why are you prioritising your personal comfort and curiosity over that person’s privacy? If your instinct is to try to license who is and isn’t allowed to engage with a piece of art or media, why? 

You are never entitled to the details of someone else’s abuse. Your validation is not important enough to potentially trade for someone’s private traumas and experiences. 

“If you write or create about certain topics as a survivor, you’re just perpetuating abuse and you are as bad as your abuser!”

Creating works of art or fiction about people who are not real experiencing fictional harm that is also not real, is not in any way equivalent to real people doing real harm to others. 

If your support of abuse survivors hinges on how palatable their reaction to their abuse is, and you believe that some abuse survivors “deserve” their abuse for depicting their abuse in art and fiction, you’re not actually supporting survivors. 

If you believe that all abuse survivors do or should act the same way, or respond the same way, to their abuses, you are mistaken. 

If you are effectively angry at someone for not looking enough like a victim, for being “impure”, and therefore the same as their abuser, that is a form of victim blaming. 

Do you hold artists who create media about non-sexual trauma or violence to a different standard than those who write about sexual trauma or violence? 

Why? What is the difference to you?

If someone writing about sexual abuse in media is equivalent to real life abuse, is a fictional murder?

“People shouldn’t write or engage with media about traumatic things, they should just go to therapy!”

Therapy is not a moral machine where bad people with bad thoughts go in and good people with good thoughts go in. 

Good therapy and counselling provides us with the tools to manage our own mental health, our own emotional and psychological needs, heal from our traumas, and so forth. 

Many therapists will actually recommend safe re-exposure to frightening or upsetting topics, and also encourage self-expression on the subject of one’s most impactful experiences, which might include creating art and media to explore and discuss their feelings. 

With that said, therapy is as flawed as any other tools for emotional catharsis and healing — therapy and mental healthcare can be very expensive or inaccessible because of one’s working schedule; some therapists and mental health professionals are abusive or bigoted; some people may not be in the right place for MH care or therapy at this time, et cetera. 

Therapy isn’t a catch-all for anything you disapprove of in someone else, and it’s also not a punishment to force someone to repent for their sins. 

“It’s okay to write a story to cope, but you shouldn’t publish it in case it upsets others!”

So long as the work has appropriate content warnings and/or is published or screened in an appropriate space, it is not inherently harmful. In fact, reading narratives and engaging with those narratives can be valuable for us. 

Engaging with media that bears similarity to our own lives, reflects our own experiences, written by other people who we know understand the complicated emotions of survivors — whilst still condemning the actions of abusers or not — can be extremely validating and offer a lot of assurance. 

This is especially useful in regards to media that shows victims having a codependent relationship with or still loving their abusers, or where their abusers are shown as sympathetic, whilst the narrative still shows the toxicity and pain caused by the relationship. 

Moreover, there can be a sense of reclamation and security in exploring stories about similar harm as we’ve experienced whilst knowing we are now in a place of safety and are free from those past experiences, or that other survivors have escaped and we can too. 

“If children read this work or watch this show or play this game, they might think that the things depicted in it are okay!”

Is the work rated G or PG? 

Is it shown on a children’s TV channel, or appear in a section that is marked for children? Is it put on a children’s website, where the primary audience is children? 

In short, is the work aimed at kids?

If no, then it’s not for kids. 

Particularly if a work is marked for adult audiences only, if it’s labelled erotica, if it’s marked M or E or NC-17, if it says it’s for adults or asks people to check a box agreeing that they’re an adult, then the work in question is most definitely not for children. 

Everything in the world doesn’t have to be child-safe just because children exist.

It is the responsibility of parents and guardians to appropriately supervise their children’s online use, and to teach children and teenagers internet safety, some of which includes setting appropriate boundaries for themselves and not seeking out content that might distress them, or to know what to do if they stumble across content that does distress them — namely, to speak with a trusted adult about their feelings and what they can do to manage them and look after themselves, and be looked after.

It’s not the responsibility of random other adults in the world not to make horror movies or watch porn or play adult videogames or anything else, just because a child could potentially learn of their existence. 

“But someone else engaging with that work might think the things depicted in it are okay!”

You’re right, they might do. 

They might also engage with the work and think things depicted in it are bad. Fiction does not exclusively exist for our moral education. 

“It makes me feel uncomfortable or unsafe that people are writing about [a topic] with a tone or in a manner that seems wrong to me!”

Yes, many of us feel uncomfortable with some topics being depicted in fiction, and might find them viscerally disgusting or triggering, consider them to be in poor taste, badly considered, or similar. 

This is normal and okay. 

It’s perfectly natural to have limits on what one can handle in fiction, or to find your ethical considerations don’t match up with the things other people make. 

But it’s our job, as responsible adults who look after our own mental health and consider our own boundaries, to avoid that content. 

You cannot control what other people think about, feel about certain topics, or how they portray them in fiction. You cannot control other people. 

You can only control your environment, your boundaries, and the works you choose to engage with. 

You can limit your time on social media, mute tags or keywords, block particular users or sites, or simply look away or leave the room / close the tab. 

“What about rampant problematic works on Ao3!?”

Works on Ao3 are not a real issue. 

They are not representation. Fanworks and original works on Ao3 are not the mainstream. They are being read exclusively by members of various internet subcultures who read fanfiction in those specific fandoms, after reading the tags. 

This doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t discuss certain tropes and norms in various fandoms — we might address our own biases around race, sexuality, religion, disability, and other characteristics, and how these biases and bigotries can come across in people’s approaches to fandom, the characters and ships they concentrate on, their headcanons, et cetera. 

The same can be said of people’s original creations. 

Ao3 has a robust tagging system, and allows people to mute and block tags they might be upset or triggered by — and in the event one clicks on an explicit work, a window will come up asking people to consent explicitly to moving through to read the work. 

It is people’s own responsibility to set their own limits as to what they can handle in reading fiction — and not to obsess over what other people might or might not be reading, which we cannot control, and is also none of our business. 

“What about loli and shotacon? Isn’t that the same as child pornography?”

“Child pornography” is generally not in use as a term — many people who have been victimised find that terms like “child porn” and CP grate, because “pornography” is work made with willing, adult participants. 

Videos and images produced of children are instead referred to either as CSAM — child sexual abuse materials — or CSEM — child sexual exploitation materials. CSEM is evil because it involves the unspeakable and agonising victimisation of a real life child or children, being abused and manipulated by adults around them, and worse than that initial victimisation, the recording their abuse is another victimisation in itself.

With every share of a piece of this material, that child or children are victimised another time, made vulnerable to more people, and the creation of this material can create more market desire, meaning that other abusers will encourage further abuse and recording of these children’s victimisation, or for the recording abusers to seek out other children to abuse. 

Victims of this sort of exploitation live in terror of the pictures or videos of their worst moments being shared to those they know, of being found by their loved ones, shared to workplaces, disseminated in any community they try to live in and be happy with — it is difficult enough to recover from one’s own abuse without the spectre of it constantly hanging over one’s head. 

People’s cartoons or art of fictional children is not equivalent to CSEM, because there are no real children depicted in it. 

It’s understandable to find these works disgusting or upsetting, triggering, unsettling — but to say that underage art or fiction is the same as or counts as CSEM is patently untrue. As a victim of CSA, it is galling to be told that choices my abuser made to harm and exploit me are equivalent to an abuser choosing to draw or read a comic about a victim that doesn’t actually exist. 

Some final questions to ask yourself: 

None of the above rebuttals are intended to imply people shouldn’t critique or criticise different media or their depictions. 

As well as the initial essay I linked, I actually wrote a big guide on how to approach close reading of text, and I’m working on another about analysing television and film.

In my opinion, it’s really important to be aware of different tropes and themes that you feel are harmful in fiction and art — racist tropes, sexist ones, homophobic ones, and all the rest.

It’s worth considering how works are harmful, and what you actually want to be done about it. 

I personally have criticisms of various tropes in media — I have particular dislike, for example, for the ways in which teacher/student relationships in TV shows and films are portrayed as “forbidden love”, with issue of their positions of power being depicted as one of bureaucracy or technical rules rather than a real power imbalance — I don’t care for the “sexy schoolgirl” trope, and the “barely legal” porn genre unsettles me.

All of the above three tropes often coincide with people’s thinking of teenage girls, especially those in school uniforms, as sex objects, and portraying school uniforms themselves as sexual or deserving of this sort of sexual attention. 

Not all depictions are the same — some works subvert the sexy schoolgirl trope by having those schoolgirls be secret monsters than punish abusers, and some works exist that critique teacher/student dynamics. 

It’s also important to note audience and outreach — a work that’s put on mainstream television channels or put in movie theatres by huge studios have a very different range of impact than an indie published novella, or one person’s fanfic on Ao3. 

Note where you’re holding individual or small studio creators — especially those who are in some way marginalised and are already facing adversity in their work — to higher account than large studios, or fixating on imagined harm their work could potentially cause. 

Is a work harmful, or is it just uncomfortable? Is it harmful, or is it just personally triggering to you? 

Can the work you’re concerned about do as much harm as you’re envisaging? Is it actually reaching the individuals you are worried might be vulnerable to harm as a result of it? Does the work intend to do that harm or hold those harmful views, and are the authors or creators working to address or apologise for that harm?

Is the work discussing, critiquing, or exploring the emotional impact of the dark themes within it? Does it have warnings or disclaimers before the work begins?

If you’re worried about a work “normalising” or “glorifying” a troubling subject — does the work actually do that? What is your evidence for this, having engaged with the text? Is that thing discussed in the text, argued, explored in-depth, or merely mentioned? Do characters show inner conflict and interpersonal conflict over it? Is it actually portrayed as good or normal? Is your concern the characters’ perspectives within the text, or the authors or creators’ opinions? 

Does the work carry ideas that are bigoted or feel like it includes apologism for some shitty ideas or ideology? Is the work a piece of propaganda, or function as propaganda? Do you feel the work is being advertised or pushed to an inappropriate audience for its subject matter?

If you do consider the work to be either likely to be personally distressing or upsetting to you, or potentially harmful because of its troubling or bigoted or just shitty ideas, how do you want to respond? 

If it’s the former, you should set your own boundaries — you should use your mute and block functions, you should avoid the work, you should seek out things that will comfort you, and perhaps discuss the distressing topics with someone you trust, whether that’s a friend or partner, a loved one, or a counsellor or therapist. 

If it’s the latter, you should absolutely deconstruct the piece in question and analyse the ways in which it’s shitty or harmful, or read essays by those who’ve done that work. You can maybe warn your friends about it, or if it’s a work of political concern — if the harm is being done because the work provides financial support to a hate group or a bigoted public persona, for example, you might perform a boycott, or involve yourself in acts of protest in response to the work or its creators. 

If it’s important enough to you and your beliefs that you feel urged to do those things, perhaps you should — if all you feel urged to do is to harass or shout at people online, though, it might be better for your own mental health to take a step back and do something more positive for yourself. 

Sometimes, a piece of work or media will be shitty, and shitty people will love it, and that will kinda suck — God knows I’ll see work that’s really transphobic or homophobic or antisemitic, and it’ll upset me that people I otherwise love and respect seem to be enjoying it so much. 

I can talk to my friends and my family about it, and I’ll do that — and I can mute and block the topic, and critique it in the right circles, or write essays if I’m really inspired to, responding to the work and what I feel its impact is…

But if my instinct becomes to just snipe at people for enjoying it when they really don’t know what the problem is, or have a go at them when they’re doing so unthinkingly, that’s not really helpful to them or to myself. It’s not addressing the harm I feel is being done, and nor is it really constructive. 

I’m an adult, after all — as I’ve said a few times already, it’s our own responsibility to set our own boundaries and consider what we’re doing to safeguard ourselves, and if in setting those boundaries and personal safeguarding limits, whether they’re in line with our own ethics and morality. 

We cannot control other people and their feelings, or the works they create, but we can take care of ourselves, including breaking ourselves out of obsessive moral spirals or anxieties about other people’s thoughts — and personally, I think that’s actually a very revolutionary thing to do given that we exist in a world that constantly tries to encourage (and monetise) that sort of aimless outrage. 

[shiftedvoid]

Omg no i haven’t, although I’ll be honest I never got into interview with a vampire. I was hoping to try and read it this year. That’s crazy though

Watching people say ‘oh Lucy is like 20 you can’t ship her with the ghoul’ girl. Girl. Let her have this, it’s a nuclear wasteland and she used to fuck her cousin. Let her have the old man. She’ll be fine. My source is I’m 22 and I wanna fuck the ghoul so bad it makes me look stupid. I would not feel abused if he wanted to fuck me in return.

[guess-that-ship]

Guess That Ship Tournament Season 13: Badly Describe Your Ship! Submissions CLOSED

The Concept: You "badly" describe your ship* to me, I pick out the submissions which I find most funny and compelling and pit them against each other without revealing who they are, people vote on them, and their identities gets revealed once they’re eliminated.

Submission Guidelines

*For the purpose of this tournament, relationships do not have to be romantic in nature. (I’m sometimes going to use “ship” as a shorthand, just know I mean “relationships” in general.)

Relationship can be between any number of characters.

Real people are accepted if they’ve been dead for more than 100 years.

Roleplay characters are accepted as long as the description only pertains to the characters and not the players.

Crossover ships are only allowed if the crossover is official.

OCs are accepted. (However, OC x Canon is not accepted. Please do not submit other people's OCs without their permission.)

No overtly NSFW submissions. (Mentioning they have sex or are a sex worker is fine, but try to avoid anything more than that.)

Two submissions per person. (Do not submit the same ship twice. I cannot enforce this on Google Forms without forcing you to log in. So just be champs and respect this rule.)

Failure to follow these guidelines may result in all of your submissions being disqualified for this season.

Summary Guidelines

Selection Process: I will read through the list of descriptions submitted without reading their names and pick the most funny and compelling submissions. Then, I will check the name to make sure there's no repeats.

Bring something unique to the table. Make sure to describe their relationship, not just summarize the events of the story.

The description of a badly-described ship is ideally one or two sentences long. Descriptions should not exceed 100 words.

Descriptions should be based on canon, not headcanon. (e.g. You can say “they love each other” instead of “they’re lovers” if their romantic nature is debatable.)

Avoid author commentary. (e.g. "They're canonically x," "I love them," "Play/watch/read this," etc.)

Use canonical pronouns.

Avoid identifying information or setting specific giveaways. (i.e. ninja village, space necromancers.)

When submitting OCs, please make sure to at least put a name somewhere. (e.g. "John and Bob by anonymous" or "OCs by Joey.")

The more popular your ship is the more vague the description should be.

I will be more lenient with submissions this season, given "badly" is subjective, but you should still keep these guidelines in mind when writing your summary.

Exclusions

Ships that were accepted in Season 7 onwards and ships that at least reached the semifinals in Season 1-6 are not allowed. For a complete list, please look here. (No need to look through the whole list, just Ctrl+F to find the ship you want.)

Any submissions from Harry Potter will also not be included.

Notes

I will not vet the ships/pairings for problematic content.

If you participate in this tournament, know that you run the risk of unintentionally voting for your nOTP. The mod does not take any responsibility for any distress that may cause you.

There will be a limit of one ship per media in the bracket. You may submit two ships from the same media, but keep in mind only one ship will be able to get in. (A series or franchise will generally count as one media, but they will be evaluated on a case by case basis.)

Submit your ships here! Submissions will be open until Sunday, October 6th at 9 PM EDT.

Please reblog this post to spread the word! The more submissions, the better!

[picturebird]

Shipping Alastor Hot Tip:

If you want to ship Alastor from Hazbin Hotel with another character, here’s how you can do that while respecting his asexuality. Don’t worry it’s easy!

Figure out under what circumstances he can feel sexual attraction.

Is it only someone he’s closely bonded to? (Demisexuality)

Is it only when he knows they are attracted to him? (Reciprosexuality)

Is it only when he doesn’t have a close bond with someone and it goes away when they get close? (Fraysexuality)

You don’t have to use micro labels (labels can be problematic at times) but looking into the ace umbrella is definitely important. If you’re writing a fic, all you need is one sentence addressing this and then you can move on to the spicy stuff if you want to. It’ll make whatever relationship you’re writing even more special!

Here’s a link:

There’s been a lot of stress in the fandom over shipping Alastor and I think it’s mostly a misunderstanding (sadly not entirely at times).

People should be able to ship who they want, but ace people (who don’t have a lot of media rep) shouldn’t be erased. It can be hard when you love a character who’s like you and all the content you see about them is taking away that one thing you have in common. At times, that dismissal can feel like hate. But it is completely understandable if you find joy/pleasure in specific ships and want to express those feelings. I’m sure aegosexuals and fictosexuals (also ace) can relate to that too. Finding that balance is something the queer community as a whole is still working on.

Just be kind, be respectful and remember a character being ace doesn’t take away anything it only adds to them.

It’s not a restriction. It’s an opportunity :)

Have fun!

PS please reblog so more of the fandom gets this

[tommykinard6]

Buddie fans, my loves, come have a seat for a moment.

I want to have a chat, from a long time Buddie lover to you, whether you’re new or have been here a long time.

It’s okay.

I’ve been in the trenches with you. I’ve been pulling for Buck and Eddie to get together for years. I haven’t given up, even as I’ve seen other fans leave because they lost hope. I don’t blame them. The Buddie section of the fandom has been powerful and beautiful and all consuming. We’ve gone seven seasons and up until this point, not one of the two men in question was even confirmed to be queer.

But we all need to take a moment and breathe. That’s it. Stop doom scrolling for a moment and breathe in.

Good. Now hold for a moment.

And breathe out.

I’m going to get real here, alright? And you might not like everything I say and that’s ok.

We need to stop being a problem. Stay with me. I’m not saying we need to stop shipping Eddie and Buck. Far from it. I will love that ship forever. I’m not saying we need to stop our fanfics or fanart or our love for these two. Our feelings are valid. Many of us have been in love with these two for a long time. The Buckley-Diaz family is a strong unit.

Our feelings are valid and we feel what we feel. But our reactions are utterly and entirely our own responsibility.

We need to stop the bullying.

Let’s face it, many Buddie fans have also been long time bullies in the fandom. Particularly in regard to the actresses who have played the female love interests in the past. Don’t get me wrong, aside from maybe Ali, I have disliked every love interest introduced. But have we not yet learned to separate actress from character? If we are going to dislike an actress, let’s do it for a valid reason. Marisol’s actress for example is problematic. But many fans have rained hell down upon any woman introduced.

I’ve noticed this issue for a long time. But now we’re dealing with the issue being even more widespread because of Buck/Tommy. Now fans are bullying each other. The fandom is divided, even in what is probably one of the better seasons we’ve gotten (in my opinion). I need you guys to stay with me here.

Buck is bi.

Let’s say that again. Evan Buckley is bisexual. A major character on a major show on a major network, previously a womanizer and still a very masculine figure, is queer.

This is monumental. This is amazing.

But so many of you are letting your feelings about Buddie get in the way of appreciating the progress we’ve made. Especially with the reintroduction of Tommy Kinard, Buck’s love interest.

Let’s clear up a couple of things, shall we? Tommy Kinard is not Sal DeLuca. He is not Captain Gerrard. While he was part of the old 118 and definitely was in the old boys club, not only is he not the major problem, but in most cases that he’s an asshole, it can be traced back to his own secret. It’s not great, sure. But let’s look at the facts. Chimney is friends and still keeps in touch with him. Hen appears to hold no animosity and was clearly comfortable with him. In Bobby Begins, they all are friends. And clearly, Tommy has undergone a massive self-growth period. You cannot try to back up your point with inaccurate facts.

People can change. People can also be forgiven. It’s the prerogative of those involved. Enough said.

“But TK6,” you may say, “Buck should be with Eddie! Tommy is a plot device!”

Let’s set aside instant gratification culture really quick and talk about storytelling. You cannot get everything you want when you want it. You also cannot have your cake and eat it too. Buck and Eddie, if both queer, were never going to come out at the same time. Do we really want that?! Because identity is messy. Self discovery is messy. Eddie has Catholic guilt. Buck has self esteem/worth issues. Life isn’t a fanfiction. The real possibility of their relationship surviving such a transition isn’t all that high. IF Eddie is canonically queer, he’s going to have a rougher path than Buck has had.

Also, everyone is a plot device. Let’s get real. If a character doesn’t move a plot along, what’s the point? YES, Tommy is there for a storyline. That doesn’t in anyway invalidate his existence or his presence in Buck’s life.

If you want an instant Buddie storyline, visit ao3! There are amazing stories on there.

Now let’s talk about Buck/Tommy, or TEvan.

I am a long time Buddie lover. I also proudly ship TEvan. Yes, those can coexist. I don’t often multiship, but it’s a beautiful thing. I want Buddie to be endgame, sure! But I’m also okay if TEvan lasts. If they end up being endgame, will I be disappointed about Buddie? Of course. I will also be thrilled because Buck and Tommy are a sweet couple and I’m here for it.

As a queer woman, I’m happy that Buck is bi. Multisexual representation is still sorely lacking. Male sexuality that lets a man keep his masculinity while being queer? Even more so. Just take a look at the ao3 tag. Buck is emasculated in many fics. That’s why I stopped reading a lot.

We have a ship here that includes two very masculine men, who are emotionally vulnerable and exploring something new. I understand ship disappointment. But the negativity is wild. We need to stop the bullying. We need to stop the cheating storylines. We need to stop making Tommy into an ab*s*r only because we apparently can’t handle a love interest being a good person.

At the end of the day, these are fictional characters. It’s a fictional show. But these are real people. All of us are sitting here behind our screens with real feelings. We need to stop.

Buddie may one day happen. And maybe they won’t. TEvan might be endgame. They might not be. Tis the way of 9-1-1. It’s exciting, isn’t it? Waiting for something new and exciting. It was starting to get a little stagnant.

As a queer person, I’m not trying to gatekeep anyone. However, we cannot sit here and say “stop queerbaiting us!!!!” (They weren’t, we’ve always had queer representation on 9-1-1) “give us more representation” and then when they give it to us say, “NO! Not that way!”

If it was about the representation, it being Eddie or Tommy would matter a lot less.

So if you are someone using representation to shield yourself, kindly just be honest with yourself and everyone else.

In the words of our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift, “You need to calm down”.

Now, back off into the world of scrolling you go, my lovelies. Remember, keep an open mind and breathe. At the end of the day, it’s a show. But I for one will happily wait for every episode because I’m loving this.

[sasheneskywalker]

dc poly ships fic recs

Under Your Nose by withthekeyisking Dick and Kori have been together for years now, and it's been a recent habit of theirs to double-date with Jason and Roy. The four of them have a really good time together, that's all. Dick definitely doesn't have any desire to kiss Roy or Jason. And he definitely doesn't accidentally do that when drunk.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Roy Harper/Koriand'r/Jason Todd

the pact of our youth by bramgreenfeld Bernard didn’t realize that Tim was dead until three weeks after it happened.

[Timberkon meets Reverse!Robins.]

T | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Bernard Dowd/Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Bernard Dowd/Tim Drake, Bernard Dowd/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Jonathan Samuel Kent & Damian Wayne

the halfway home for washed-up sidekicks by moth_tille “You wouldn’t last an hour in Crime Alley,” Jason said, completely ignoring his partner. “Oh yeah?” Kyle replied. “Wanna bet?” “Sure. Why don’t you come on patrols with us for a month and then see if you still think Gotham is easy?” “Sure. The hardest part is gonna be putting up with you for a month.”

in which Kyle Rayner stays in Gotham longer than he'd intended with two vigilantes who are definitely not what he expected. Chaos ensues.

M | Graphic Depictions Of Violence | Roy Harper/Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd, Roy Harper/Kyle Rayner, Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd

the old makes way to new by poppiesandsunflowers It's a new timeline, and in the process of fixing up the hiccups, Dick Grayson desperately tries to stop himself from becoming a homewrecker.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Dick Grayson/Wally West, Linda Park/Wally West, Dick Grayson/Linda Park/Wally West, Dick Grayson & Linda Park

live fast, die young by poppiesandsunflowers Barry Allen experiences the worst day of his life. Somehow, things end up getting better for him.

M | Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death | Barry Allen & Wally West, Barry Allen/Iris West, Barry Allen/Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Barry Allen/Hal Jordan (Green Lantern)/Iris West

space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close (I want proof of what you're feeling) by lostandlonelybirds (RUNNFROMTHEAK) “Luv, what the hell are you doin’ here?” John Constantine asks from the rooftop below him, cigarette glowing in his hand. Zatanna waves at him, flashing a quick smile that feels like a punch to the gut. Right. Of course. Magic. Fucking Bruce.

Dick flips off his convenient gargoyle and lands in a crouch, silently as always. No sign of movement from probably evil witch, so Dick thinks he can hazard a conversation with the couple. Duo. Romantic partners. Fuck he’s pathetic.

M | No Archive Warnings Apply | John Constantine/Dick Grayson, John Constantine/Zatanna Zatara, Dick Grayson/Zatanna Zatara, John Constantine/Dick Grayson/Zatanna Zatara, Past Dick Grayson/Koriand'r

problematic by proxy by lostandlonelybirds (RUNNFROMTHEAK) “Why are you lying to me?” “I’m not,” Dick says, and there’s a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. “I don’t see him like that. He’s like Tim, just older, and with a bumpier history.” “You don’t stare at Tim’s ass, though.” “I don’t stare at Jason’s!” Donna gives him the most unimpressed look she can muster. “You sure about that one, chief?”

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Dick Grayson/Jason Todd/Donna Troy, Dick Grayson/Donna Troy, Jason Todd/Donna Troy, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd

did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room? by maruyaaya Donna Troy is definitely flirting with him.

Which, for the record, Jason thinks is fucking insane because that’s Donna Troy. Donna Troy, the girl who’s sitting on Jason’s right while her boyfriend is sitting on Jason’s left.

What the fuck is going on?

or;

jason todd [9:00 am] once at a party i kissed someones girlfriend and to make sure he wasn't mad about it i kissed him too… i blacked out and woke up in a groupchat with both of them that said "did you make it home safe baby <3"

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd/Donna Troy, Jason Todd/Donna Troy, Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd, Kyle Rayner/Donna Troy

like real people do by maruyaaya “Don’t think this means anything. I just like to cook. That’s all this is.”

“I wasn’t assuming otherwise.” Donna shrugs and Kyle stays silent.

“Good.” Jason nods.

“Good,” Donna responds.

“Good,” Kyle adds, mostly because he feels left out.

or;

kyle, jason, and donna are friends with benefits and also emotionally inept. chaos ensues.

M | No Archive Warnings Apply | Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd/Donna Troy, Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd, Kyle Rayner/Donna Troy, Jason Todd/Donna Troy

a little bit of persuasion (it goes a long way) by kuro49 Jason's rehabilitation comes in the form of taking over Clark and Slade's couch. It works wonders.

M | No Archive Warnings Apply | Clark Kent/Jason Todd/Slade Wilson, Clark Kent/Slade Wilson, Clark Kent/Jason Todd, Jason Todd/Slade Wilson

we all fall down by vlrnlr Turns out there is a statute of limitations on saying the things you’re not supposed to say. / Pre-Flashpoint. Ollie, Hal, Dinah, and everything in between.

T | No Archive Warnings Apply | Hal Jordan/Dinah Lance/Oliver Queen, Hal Jordan/Dinah Lance, Dinah Lance/Oliver Queen, Hal Jordan/Oliver Queen

[rosesradio]

Hi, do you mind if I pick your brain about the pro/antiship thing? I'd like to check first because it's a dumpster fire of a controversy in fandom spaces and I'd 100% understand not wanting to touch it with a ten-foot pole. But also cuz it mentions somethin triggering+disturbing.I've always wondered what another person might think but I usually try to stay miles away from fandom drama, but you seem like, not chronically online about it

lmaoo thank you, i try to make my blog a chill, safe space to come to despite me being. Not chill about anything ever 😅

so here’s the definition of each that i added to the poll:

Proshippers argue that shipping is all fictional, so there is no harm in shipping characters who shouldn’t be together in real life. Anti-shippers argue that fiction reflects and influences real-world beliefs and behaviors, so fans shouldn’t romanticize unhealthy relationships. You can be proship and not ship any problematic ships, or vice versa.

i got these definitions, with my own addition at the end, from a Reddit thread you might find helpful.

so i’ve been in fandom for many years, and up until around 2022 i was mostly what would be considered an anti-shipper.

within the (*gags*) sanders sides fandom, there was a ship called remrom. this was the ship between the characters roman and remus, canonically twin brothers. i never shipped it, not my thing, and it caused a lot of division in the fandom. people would often put on their wattpad (yeahhh wattpad era babey) profiles & even their fics “dni & leave if you ship remrom, go die” etc. i don’t think i put that on my own fics, but i was hostile & blocked people i found shipping it. because how could you ship twin brothers, that’s disgusting!!1!

…the funny thing about sanders sides, though, is that all of the characters represent fragments of one guy’s personality. roman is his creativity, remus is his dark!creativity, etc. the fandom shipped many other pairings with the (non-related) characters, the most popular being Roman and Virgil (anxiety). (Yes this is causing me physical pain to type out thanks for asking 🧍). so all that exposition aside…we were all shipping selfcest. and in a way, is selfcest any worse than incest? i suppose that’s subjective, but it just goes to show a bit of hypocrisy.

i also shipped some “problematic” pairings over the years, but changed them up to be “non-problematic”. for example, i had a billdip fic in which i made bill bodily 15 to match dipper & had him turn magically human (does this make the ship entirely non-problematic? hell no lmao, but as is the way of 15-year-old rose)

so that aside, i joined tumblr in 2022, in the cobra kai fandom. there’s a ship in the cobra kai fandom called silverusso, a ship between an insane(ly hot? don’t look at me 🫣) karate instructor named silver and the main character, daniel larusso. this ship is extremelyyy toxic on several levels. for one, daniel is freshly 18, while silver is assumed to be in his 30s(?) during karate kid 3 (please watch karate kid 3 but also be sure you’re sober when doing so because the movie is a trip, lol). for another, silver essentially seduces daniel into devolving into a violent robot, primed for silver’s command & corruption.

now for me…i’m not going to get into the details because i don’t want to, but i had experienced trauma somewhat related to the silverusso dynamic the previous year (only with minimal karate, lol). even three years later, i am still impacted by said trauma in small ways. i was honestly insulted by people shipping this ship, because it felt like they didn’t care about victims & were romanticizing and sexualizing situations i was having nightmares about.

that is, until i made some friends in the fandom. i bonded with them on our common interests, and then i got to see a bit more into the silverusso shippers’ heads rather than the horrible things i was hearing about them from others. i learned that they really weren’t that bad people at all, all well-intentioned & respectful of boundaries. some of them were even victims of trauma similar to my own, who used darkfic as a place to vent their emotions. considering i had told very few people of what happened, considering no one really understood, i felt safe.

not to plug, but this is a fic i wrote sort of in that space lol

so anyways, i learned more & more about proshipping ways, profiction, anti-harassment, & anti-censorship. i adopted the take that fiction can be a good place to explore complex emotions or even just compelling ideas.

(because you do not need to be traumatized to be interested in darkfic! in fact, the anti-ship take of “darkfic is okay if you’re recovering from trauma” is often harmful to victims, forcing them to out themselves for a stranger to judge if they’re “traumatized enough” to be “allowed” write darkfic. people should be free to write whatever with no explanation, just respect to others & proper tags/warnings).

i would like to think that the anti-ship ideals are in the best interest of others. they often do speak from a place of wanting to respect trauma victims (even if the hate messages they’ve sent me aren’t very respectful, lol). i can see how easy it is to be swept up into the moral quandary of it all because i’ve been there. in fact, if i saw trauma victims who were anti-shippers today, who felt the same resentment i did in 2022, i would feel sympathy for them and wish them the best in their recovery. darkfic has definitely helped me, though it is not for everyone. (though to those people i would also recommend they block bothersome tags and try to clear it from their mind).

i do wish people would approach actual proshippers to ask the way you are right now, anon. i think the spread of misinformation on how “being proship = shipping only problematic pairings” or god forbid “being proship = being a pedo” means a lot of well-meaning people obviously are disgusted and don’t bother to seek out the actual meaning of the term.

you don’t have to ship problematic parings or like darkfic to be considered proship. in fact, a lot of my mutuals here only like fluff & traditionally “healthy” pairings, but they support people’s right to ship and write whatever they want, provided it stays in its properly tagged lane. it’s just important to not push for censorship on sites like ao3 (one of the last safe spaces for every kind of fanfic), as well as not harass anyone in fandom for what they do with fiction. it’s not proper fandom etiquette, and it’s not a good thing to do.

fictional characters are dolls. real people are real, as are their feelings.

one last thing

i hope all of that answered your question, anon, and feel free to return with any more questions you might have 💌

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

What do you think of this? I think most of it is ridiculous, but I’m not that familiar with all of these moments, so I’d like to know your thoughts.

https://www.tumblr.com/allnewalldifferentwildspider/759267251779141632/so-kataang-arguments-always-shift-between-aang-is?source=share

What a load of bullshit. The most mature 12-year-old in the whole world is still just 12, much like the most mature 14-year-old in the whole world is still just 14.

Aang and Katara are both mature enough to understand LOTS of complex stuff (mainly how to handle their own trauma, and each other's, whiel they try to save the world) but they both still make lots of mistakes children their age would - hence Katara making a REALLY uncalled for joke about Toph's blindness during a fit of rage, or telling Sokka he didn't love their mom as much as she did, or, yes, Aang being confused by the concept of "Someone can have feelings for you but not be sure if they wanna date, and you can't speed up the process, just give them time to figure it out on their own"

"Is he mature enough to date a teenager?" Zutarians LOVE pretending the Kataang and Zutara age-gap isn't exactly the same, don't they?

And hell, since I mentioned Zuko - the boy just recently discovered the "revolutionary" concept that a parent disfiguring their own child is bad, he had a real jealousy and paranoia issue with Mai, an inferiority complex towards his sister, and he basically gave himself the Dai Li treatment in Ba Sing Se to please Iroh.

His understanding of boundaries, trust and what counts as abusive behavior is canonically all messed due to how he was raised, to the point that he constantly either accidentally hurts the people he cares about or gets taken advantage of, even by people who don't mean to hurt him, because he simply doesn't know how far is too far. He is constantly either being too demanding, and lashing out with verbal abuse whenever he doesn't get what he wants, or bordeline setting himself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Despite being older than them, Zuko has a much more immature, warped and often toxic view of relationships (and not just romantic ones) than Aang and Katara - yet zutarians never say that means he is forbidden from wanting love or getting into a relationship to try and figure things out, and that liking any ship with him is "problematic" or "creepy".

How convenient.

[to-be-a-dreamer]

you sound like a right winger. cancel culture?

This is legitimately the funniest insult I’ve ever received thank you Anon. Like, you can’t think of any better way to discredit my post about how I wish people would just let a character be Not Racist and acknowledge that sometimes people can learn they were wrong and become better people so you call me (a queer woman of color who is college-educated and an immigrant, btw, just so we’re all on the same page) a “right winger” for using easily-recognizable terminology to ensure everyone reading understands what I think is the core issue. Incredible, insane, I wish you weren’t a coward who posted anonymously so I could scroll through your blog because I’m sure you’ve got jokes.

But anyways, since we’re all here I’ll take the opportunity to explain what I mean and my thoughts on cancel culture.

Original post that Anon is talking about for reference

People on the internet are obsessed with this idea of perfection. They think that a person has to do the right thing, always, every time. They think that a person who does or has ever done something shitty is just a shitty person who doesn’t deserve a platform. And they think that a person who was a shitty person in the past should always be viewed in that way. They can never accept that someone could have toxic or harmful views, realize they were wrong, and then become a better person, especially if they went through that journey offline or a long time ago. They don’t care if the person they see before them is clearly an open-minded, good person who doesn’t possess those views anymore. In their eyes, that person is still that same bigoted asshole from three, five, ten, twenty years ago and they have to acknowledge that past and be publicly shamed for it every single day in order to be “forgiven”. (They will never truly forgive)

And it’s just. I don’t understand it because what is the point of activism and education if we’re not going to allow people to learn what we’re trying to teach? How is our movement supposed to grow if we don’t accept the people who have been touched and reformed by it? How does any of this get better if we don’t allow people to be better?

Here’s my biggest problem with “cancel culture” (the mass ostracism and shaming of someone who has behaved or spoken in a socially unacceptable way). I think that this kind of mindset has led to an entire generation of internet users who are terrified of ever doing “the wrong thing” on the internet. We’re so afraid of making mistakes because we know how hard it is to come back from that and how unforgivable the rest of the internet is. And it’s turned us into overly defensive people who struggle to admit when we’ve done something wrong. We’re terrified to consider the possibility that we’re the "bad guy" in any situation because we've convinced ourselves that doing something shitty makes you a shitty person. We think our individual actions are lifetime sentences. I've seen so many people on the internet make small mistakes but double down and take things way too far when they're called out for it because they don't want to see themselves as a person who does problematic things. Because we've convinced ourselves that making a mistake makes you a bad person on a fundamental level. We've tied the amount of criticism we receive to our self-worth.

I also notice that it prevents people who actually need to learn and be better from realizing that. Because the amount of hate someone receives is so disproportionate to any mistake they actually made, it's so easy for a person to think "okay there's no way I deserve to be harassed this much, this is probably just the internet overreacting again, I haven't done anything wrong" and instead of learning the small lesson they needed to learn they just brush off the hate and dismiss it as cancel culture.

And so to bring this back to 9-1-1, I do think that some of the hate towards Tommy is due to shipping wars, but on a deeper level I think people just can't handle the truth that Tommy is actually a good person now. Maybe it stems from people hating the idea that someone who made their own lives miserable could learn and grow and become a better person later in life like Tommy did. Maybe people have some unresolved trauma about bigots that they're projecting onto these characters. Maybe they want to feel morally superior and just don't like the idea that someone who was shitty in the past could go on to have the same views and ideals as them. It's hard to tell for sure and it probably varies from person to person but I think the idea that a person has to be defined by their past is a big part of it on all levels.

Anyways, those are my thoughts on cancel culture as a whole and why I think the current generation of internet users has a really tough time taking accountability and why we all have rejection sensitivity (not RSD, the actual real medical condition, just a general sensitivity to being told you're in the wrong). We don't like to confront our own flaws because, according to the internet, those flaws make you a terrible person always and forever and you will never be able to overcome them or move past them. I hope this all makes sense I've been thinking about this a lot since 2020 but I've never tried to explain it in words. I don't think there's anything wrong with holding people accountable for past actions, I think there's something wrong with the disproportionate hate those people receive and the amount of shaming and shunning they have to go through before they're allowed to move on with their lives.

[bookwormbynight]

the take that lawlight and other ships involving Light and an older character are not problematic because “Light Yagami is incapable of being groomed” is doing rounds on dntwt again and holy shit it drives me insane every time i see it because

(“you” below refers to people with this take, not you)

1. what the hell is this victim-blaming logic when you’re literally talking about it as something applicable to the real world. no one is immune to being groomed.

2. to speak of the idea in-universe, I’m pretty sure that is just factually untrue. Light can definitely be groomed and has many traits that make him susceptible

3. no one is immune to being groomed. Light being manipulative, “evil”, intelligent or ““mature for his age”” (oh boy) does not prevent him from grooming in any capacity. in fact those traits combined with his arrogance make him a easy target as long as the perpetrator knows what to say

4. if you’re uncomfortable with the idea that lawlight is grooming, you can just think and say that you do not view lawlight’s dynamic as grooming. that would be reasonable, at least in comparison to fucking “light is immune to being groomed”

5. (pardon my language but) why in the fuck would you phrase it like “I’m sorry but if you can *insert a bunch of things that don’t prevent anyone from being groomed* then I’m NOT gonna believe you got groomed” like do you know how you sound right now????

6. have I mentioned that no one is immune to being groomed.

frankly, as someone who doesn’t usually prefer to view lawlight as full-on “adult grooming child” (I do think the existing age gap is a very intriguing factor but generally it is not my top preference to take it to the extreme in my own conception of it; it is very interesting to see as an alternative though, I respect it), I feel MUCH safer around everyone in this dn tumblr circle than people who say that shit. respect and salute to you all 🫡

Oh, ick!! Thank you for sharing!

Dude I am so afraid of dntwt I refuse. Of course the drawback to that is Tumblr doesn't allow the kind of images that Twitter does so I miss out on that but with the combination of Elon Musk and the nazis and whatever nutcase discourse that regularly happens over there, I'm not touching that shit with a ten foot pole even for the sake of porn 😭

Yeah no the solution to something that makes you uncomfortable is never ever to blame the victim. (Honestly, and I'm psychoanalyzing again, I think part of what makes this circle so safe is that we treat this shit with the gravity it deserves, even when we're sexualizing it. Because what we're sexualizing IS the horror. The horror is what's hot about it, but the horror reaction implies that it's something terrible and serious. It's not normal or okay or impossible.)

I'd like to explore the mention of discomfort with the topic. That shit is normal and human. Not everyone likes sexualizing horror, not everyone understands everything you need for it to feel safe, AND, and this is a wildly different but still important factor in fandom interaction, not everyone DOES think it's plausible for the universe. You can think things don't match your headcanon for how you interpreted the work! I made a post yesterday along those lines about a fanfic I was reading! The thing is, don't attack real people (if you think someone's handling a subject in fiction in a way that does real harm, like E.L. James for my example, you don't send hate mail, you tell people why it's harmful and boycott the work); be aware that canon is subjective even if you have some textual evidence to back your view up - feel free to present said evidence, but nobody has to take it to heart and you can't make them; and above all, if it's pertaining to these types of topics, DO NOT USE THE VICTIM TO CONTRADICT IT. USE THE SUPPOSED PERPETRATOR. If you don't think L is a groomer, say so, if you don't think lawlight involves grooming, go for it, but Light Yagami better not fucking be a pillar of your argument because victims are never the reason something happened to them, which means they are also never the reason something didn't happen. People astound me.

Be kind everybody ❤️

[mazzystar24]

What I don't get is why people think it's problematic to still wish for Buddie. Like isn't it worse to be happy just because he's with a dude now. Like so you didn't ship Buddie for their amazing chemistry and history, you just shipped them because they were two hot dudes.

(This is not directed at people who are enjoying Tevan for the ride, this is about people who jumped completely)

((obviously bi Buck is important, but I don't think seeing it as a step towards Buddie is bad. We've been waiting for something like this for so many years))

Sorry but this is all that’s in my head^^

But yes yay now I get to have my rant-

The fact that so many people genuinely just wanted buck to end up with a dude is just

Look there is wanting representation which I GET I am all for

Then there is not caring about anything to do with that representation as long as you see two hot guys kiss

Representation without substance, meaning and actually changing what we usually see on screen is just so surface level

and listen we are ALL guilty of that thing where we hear about a show with a queer couple and we instantly get excited and rush over there but some of these people don’t give a shit about the storylines as a whole, the characters as a whole, character development, etc all those things that make representation MATTER

Like we aren’t just happy that bi buck is canon because oh look here’s a bi man character

No we are happy because we got to see his development we got to see his insecurities, history, his personality and his bond with these other characters through the years. Now look I’m not saying oh look at this fictional character think about his feelings, I’m saying that characters and their complexities drive a story they are what make me invested whether it’s a book a movie or show, and to not care about any of that just for the sake of tokenism is insane to me

I also feel it bares mentioning that this is one of the RARE times that this representation in media isn’t a case of tokenism like they’ve taken a character and built him and built the show and built the dynamics outside of his sexuality and made it canon in season SEVEN like Tim and Oliver and the entire team did something we don’t see much or ANY of in media like the way they made it is like we have this journey with the character like it’s a double blind test ( sorry I’m revising for a psych exam rn and my brain can only use that analogy) and until the reveal seven years in we don’t know for sure even if there have been inklings and people are more focused on the fact that oh look some hot dude kisses another in this show

Like genuinely ship what you want to ship and enjoy the time but don’t disregard meaningful potential representation which would have 1. A character navigating sexuality in a situation as complex as Eddie’s 2. A gay couple which wasn’t planned and they actually listened to fans for 3. A well done queer slow burn with the same gravity and meaningfulness that straight slowburns get

Thank you for the opportunity to rant anon🫡

Sorry for the long ass reply😭😭

Edit: also wanna add that yes I’m in analysing media mode because I also have sociology revision on representation in media🤭🤭

[timkontheunsure]

Hi so everyone is getting hyped to see Vassago debut, and I’m curious but mostly because I want to know for sure if he’s meant to be a friend or love rival to blitz? Fans have enjoyed shipping stolas with oc’s, andrealphus and now Vassago. After apology tour and BTB guy I thought there was no need for love rival since we had that guy. Then that post just came and everyone is going nuts stolas is crushing on Vassago. There are different possibilities I have to expect from Vassago and I’d like your opinion on which is likely or what you think he’ll be like

1.a friend (maybe lawyer) to Stolas

2.alternate love interest pursuing Stolas

3.possibly interested in Blitz (only going based off buddy photo between Brandon and Harvey)

4. Wild card acquaintance that is impartial but enjoys his job and drama

I want to like Vassago, but if he’s made to be an alternate interest to make Blitz feel inferior and give Stolas a ‘better option’ I don’t know if I could go with that unless Blitz gets an alternate interest, instead of having to be alone drowning in his self hatred.

Yer I'm not sure if he'll be a friend to Stolas, or love rival to blitz either. It could even be both. (Both could be nice).

I do think spinal horse are having a lot of fun fanning speculation, and getting people talking about s3.

Yep, we've definitely already done jealous Blitz with BTB in apology tour, so probably not going to repeat.

But it could be that Stolas still needs some more experience; like a nice date, and someone who isn't acting like they hate spending time with him?

Stolas has one has two relationships. One was a forced marriage to an abusive women, who ridiculed him for decades, and tried to kill him.

The other was a very problematic transactional relationship, where Blitz spent a lot his time pretending to not like Stolas...

He's got to work on his boundaries or what's ok, what isn't, that sort of thing as he tends to accept things he shouldn't.

Stolas really *Does* needed to work on that. And it's good he's starting do that by asking Blitz not to make him uncomfortable and to leave when he keeps doing so.

(Even if I do think Blitz should have either offered him a lift home from the party. Or flagged to Verosika how out of it Stolas was when BTB started kissing someone who can't consent. Because getting someone out of a dangerous situation tends to trump boundaries mutter mutter).

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a relationship is spend a little time not dating. And just getting to know eachother as friends.

(Might help Blitz understand that Stolas was never faking enjoying his company).

Blitz and Stolas trying to start as friends again could really work. So that can understand that they do work together outside the bedroom.

Ok getting back on track with the actual questions (Opps 😅).

1.a friend (maybe lawyer) to Stolas

Well our boys are going need a lawyer for both the divorce, and the fallout from the illegal book deal. So yer it would make sense for him to be some sort of a lawyer to get him into the plot.

2.alternate love interest pursuing Stolas.

Well we do have Vassago checking Stolas in the pride art. (But Stolas is checking out Blitz 😆).

Like above could be used scratch Stolas' romcom itch. Could even get a good date with wrong guy Vs bad date right guy contrast.

Thinking if they go this root it'll be a b plot, that ending up with them being friends.

3.possibly interested in Blitz (only going based off buddy photo between Brandon and Harvey)Is possible.

🙂 Could be cute, and a nice subversion. And Blitz is the main character so he's got to be linked in someway.

Still half wondering if it'll turn out Vassago is an ex that made Blitz thinks all royals are the same, and everyone thing Stolas did was fake. (link to theory about sole career where now wonder if it'll be Vassago)

I just think it'd be interesting angle to highlight alot of the Goetia biases, if Vassago was basically being a 'nice guy' instead of a good boy.

It could play into Stolas learning accountability to his actions to imps.

(It's basically head crack and very unlikely to happen but oh well lol 🙂).

4. Wild card acquaintance that is impartial but enjoys his job and drama.

 "I want to like Vassago, but if he’s made to be an alternate interest to make Blitz feel inferior and give Stolas a ‘better option’ I don’t know if I could go with that unless Blitz gets an alternate interest, instead of having to be alone drowning in his self hatred."

Yer I know what you mean.  One of the reasons I don't think it'll last long at all as a new love interest, before shifting to something else, is because Blitz's self loathing would make him just give up.  

But think this person said it best.

This show really gets people and understands relationships.

It's Blitz's show and Stolas is his love interest. Both of them are head over heels for eachother.  I can't see them apart for long.

And while I know Viv's likes aren't cannon, it is very sweet.

The show is about Blitz and his relationships, with the driving force being his and Stolas' romantic relationship together.

Heh weeaboo-boo really had this fandom done pat didn't it, with our shipping and theories off so little. 😆

[liam-summers]

Something that bothers me is when I see people insist that Angel got over, fell out of love with, and moved on from Buffy and then call all the crossovers out of character, bad writing, problematic, and regression. This is something I see being said about Angel more than about Buffy and it’s usually done to dismiss the bangel relationship as one sided and childish, with Buffy being the one unable to move on from Angel, while Angel finally comes to his senses and finds a much better and deeper relationship with someone else.

SURELY the consistent mentions/references and the at least once a season crossovers are meant to convey a specific message? Surely it’s meant to show that Angel and Buffy haven’t and will never get over each other, regardless who they are presently romantically entangled with? When something is done consistently, like say, Buffy and Angel seeing each other again and immediately being drawn together, it’s meant to showcase a fundamental part of their character that remains unchanged through whatever character development they’ve gone through in the time that has passed. They don’t regress or act out of character when they mention or see each other, because all the things they’ve been through while apart still happened and are still relevant in the time and place in which they meet or mention each other. But that doesn’t change the fact that they have a unique bond that transcends time and distance. It’s literally a part of who they are. A person can move on with their life (because life continues to happen and they go along with it) and not get over or fall out of love with someone.

Just because you personally don’t like that the shows both consistently bring up Buffy and Angel’s inability to get over each other, doesn’t mean it’s bad writing or out of character. I’m sorry that this feels like a threat to your preferred ship that crashed and burned before it even got off the ground, but be for real.

[musicalmoritz]

Defending Terukane Like It’s My Job

Don’t yell at me for this but I feel like MOST of the hate I’ve seen towards Terukane is just because they’re both men. I’ve definitely seen people dislike it normally and those people mostly keep to themselves but the people who adamantly hate it with a passion are so weird. It’s a completely normal ship, yes it’s toxic but not enough to warrant the amount of hate some people give it. Every canon TBHK ship has had scenes of physical violence against one another, and the way Teru treats Akane is used as a gag so it’s not meant to be the main takeaway from their dynamic

Their rivalry motivates both characters and is overall shown to be something positive for them. If Akane hated Teru as much as he claims to, they wouldn’t have scenes of lightheartedly teasing each other like friends do. Like it or not their characters are good for each other, if not romantically then as rivals and/or friends

Back to my main point though, it’s perfectly fine to dislike Terukane but the way some fans talk about it sounds so targeted. Someone on Reddit called it the second worst ship next to Tsu//mane like really??? Out of every ship in the series you think it’s that low??? Worse than the other incest ships??? Worse than the minor x adult ships??? Terukane is objectively the worst??? Sure Dave

I think it’s the way the passionate haters always dumb down their dynamic and bring up how people shouldn’t prefer it over the holy straight canon ship. I like Aoi//Aoi nearly as much as Terukane but c’mon guys, one straight ship out of a million isn’t anything groundbreaking. They talk abt it the same way dudebros talk abt Sato//Sugu and idk, I didn’t think the tbhk fandom was like that😔

I see a bit of this aimed at the other gay ships too (even Mitsukou) but for some reason Terukane antis are especially angry. I get it, it’s repetitive seeing ships between two conventionally attractive men become super popular in every fandom. I myself get a little bummed out when my low quality Terukane fics get 3x as many kudos as Aoi//Nene fics I spent months working on. But that’s an issue with fandoms, not gay men, and even so people can read and ship whatever they want. If you want to see more straight fan art and fanfics then make it yourself

I also saw this one person on Pinterest insist that Teru is aroace coded and that Terukane is problematic because of that…babe please read the manga. Teru’s mystery crush has been a consistent thing since the first chapter and AidaIro confirmed he does actually like someone. I’m all for more aroace representation and if you relate to his character, feel free to headcanon him as whatever you want. But don’t push your headcanons onto others, especially not when you have to alter canon to justify them. Teru could absolutely still be aspec in some way but him having a crush on Aoi (or Akane) is a semi-important part of his character

So yeah hate Terukane all you want, headcanon them however you want, but maybe consider where that hate is coming from before you post an angry rant about it online. And maybe read a character analysis or two before giving the worst take I have ever heard in my life. Just a suggestion