#I’m still here!!! Idk who else is
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“Step aside, losers! The real Queen is here!”
🐝 Indie Chloe Bourgeois/QueenBee from Miraculous Ladybug franchise. 🐝
🐝 mildly canon divergent where Chloe keeps the bee miraculous. 🐝
🐝 OC friendly! 🐝
🐝 dark themes friendly and present on this blog. 🐝
🐝 number one bee supporter 🐝
#shameless self promo#miraculous ladybug rp#mlb rp#anime rp#I’m still here!!! Idk who else is#Pls support my brand
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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this isnt rlly a serious post more so than a thought I need to verbalize but like. there’s an INSANE difference between the fandom being like “hey what if jack was actually his age and got to be a little normal” vs y’all treating a grown ass man like he has to cover his ears when someone swears or sleep with a nightlight on because he’s afraid of the dark, and throwing the P word around to anyone who thinks he’s attractive. one of these things is not like the other.
#there’s a layer here about giving jack the childhood he specifically chose not to have#and ignoring his other choices because that’s just. idk a running theme with any character who struggles to have autonomy#but whatever idk#genuinely i think the past year or so that I’ve spent talking about this has burnt me out#either that or I’m just too fixated on VB to really care too much#like obviously I still care about it and wish more was done to help but it’s not really a warpath for me to walk currently#just.#I’m just tired dawg#it’s like talking to a deaf brick wall#please just do some research into infantilization I cannot keep having a one sided conversation with people who don’t care#spn#jack kline#baby jack#spn fandom#fandom critical#fandom ableism#tfw2.0#not even just ableism it’s the whole mischaracterization woobified bullshit all over again#and the using baby jack as a prop for everyone else but I digress#jack: *chose not to be a child and hates being seen as one and is more than willing to get violent if he thinks he has to*#y’all for some fucking reason: he’s just a widdle baby he can’t handle the scary movie he needs his daddies to take care of him#I’ve already said all these things before#i am tired. so tired
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RED NOSE DAY 🔴
#animaniacs#yakko warner#wakko warner#dot warner#yakko wakko and dot#the warner siblings#animaniacs 2020#it’s Red Nose Day so for those here 2 years ago last nose dey you knew this was coming#for those who aren’t British it’s a charity called comic relief but one of the things they do is you wear a big red clown nose#I know it’s also st Patrick’s day today but I figured everyone would be posting about that#this is in my queue I’m still on hiatus Jsyk#when I said the other week it looks like I’m hyperfixiating on animaniacs this is why all my queue is them#I like the coloured version better but again it’s for a charity thing so there’s the other one OwO#idk what else to say I love these siblings#sorry yakkos so insanely bigger than the others#whos consistency never heard of her
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y3 has made me feel many things but one of the things that lingers with me the most about it is how majima takes every possible opportunity and makes every possible gesture to say “please don’t leave me alone again, please take me with you when you leave, I WANT to be right next to you when you need me, I’ll literally do anything for you, just don’t leave me alone again” always indirectly but in strong enough ways that i think it’d be obvious to anyone paying attention EXCEPT Kazuma Kiryu, The Densest Man On Earth, who he’s pleading to in the first place. it’s. frustrating to watch. someone needs to grab kiryu by the shoulders and tell him. for the love of god. this man loves you so much and you keep leaving him when all he wants to do is help you and be with you please just take him to okinawa oh my god
#kazumaji#it’s FRUSTRATING#specifically thinking about the scene in the bar after the pink truck debacle#where majima finally says like. if you’re going to Okinawa to deal with this whole assassination thing or whatever comes up I’m coming#with you. you don’t have a ton of support down there and me and you together are basically unstoppable#pretty much completely outright#and kiryu. the dense stubborn motherfucker he is. is like. i don���t have No One down there I have a few friends (missing the point). I’ll be#fine. I don’t need your help there. you should stay here#I’ll give him some credit because then saying ‘someone has to stay here and keep the Tojo clan from total collapse’ is a good point and it#does mean something that he trusts majima to be that person (especially given I don’t think anyone else on earth would trust him with that)#(despite him being totally capable- you know mad dog persona and all that blah blah blah)#like that’s a good point idk who else would be a good choice to do that considering daigo’s out of commission and who’s even left after that#obviously mine is Sketchy. kashiwagi is (supposedly) dead. everyone else kiryu trusts in the yakuza is dead or injured more or less.#not gonna leave fuckin DATE in charge or something#so. fair enough point. but nonetheless it doesn’t erase the fact that kiryu overlooks what majima means in the grander scheme of things#and still believes first and foremost that he doesn’t need/want his help when he does and he should#he’s just. allergic to making life easier for himself#among other issues#sigh#yakuza 3#y3#goro majima#kazuma kiryu#kiryu#majima#rambling
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To anyone who messages me - I’m sorry. Im sorry I suck at replying 99% of the time. I’m sorry I don’t have the mental capacity to hold a conversation. I’m sorry if you see me active on here reblogging and answering asks but I still haven’t replied to your message. I’m sorry I want to talk to you but I get overwhelmed by the smallest things.
I really really really hope you never think I’m purposely ignoring you or trying to hurt you in any way. I hope you can understand that I’m truly trying my best.
#there’s a lot going on behind this screen that I haven’t been telling you guys#I’m exhausted and overwhelmed#I’ve been trying SO hard to keep my friendships and reply to people#but when I have a billion other things going on that’s taking all of my time and energy I just can’t#I don’t understand how adults can juggle everything#well wasn’t expecting that anon to hit me like it did but okay#I hope that anon and all of you take care of yourselves#just remember you can only know a small portion of the blogger#yes I’ve been super duper open about a lot of shit#but you guys still don’t *know* me#I don’t even fucking know me if I’m gonna be honest#so how can anyone else know me if I only choose to show a little part of myself on here#idk if any of this is making sense#but I just needed to get it out#I feel like I might know who the anon was and I’m really sad if I hurt them in any way#shut up rosie
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#having a time again#I fucking hate rsd#I hate just feeling the overwhelming urge to go scorched earth and abandon everyone and everything I’ve ever known#I thought I had it under control and it got triggered again recently#and it leaves me fucking exhausted and regretting all my life decisions in the end#hate fucking relapsing#hate being unable to read people’s minds#being built fucking Wrong#and having people hate me for reasons I’m not even Aware of because I can’t pick up on it and no one just fucking Talks#no one just Says when they’re bothered they let it fester and then it’s My fault#I didn’t Completely burn this bridge yet but god I am staring at it with a lighter and gasoline in hand#all that’s stopping me is that what I’m about to burn meant and still does mean a lot to me but#I can’t keep fucking doing this#it always ends like this#it never fucking changes and I don’t know why I bother I should stay in my little hole Alone where no one can hurt me#and I can’t accidentally hurt anyone else#idk man#having a fucking time#and maybe I shouldn’t even be Talking about it here#becuase who cares it’s social media#but if I don’t spill my guts Somewhere then I’ll fucking explode and cut ties with Everyone in my life at a trigger’s notice#and I need to pour this out somewhere Else#so I Don’t do something I know is Bad#in a moment of fucking rsd anxiety panic attack#lays down under my rock and dies#becomes a mushroom#if I’m a mushroom I’ll have no more problems#the mushroom hive mind will understand me and I will understand the mushroom hive mind
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oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.
#we go back to campus a week early for mac. to be clear#and god they’ll be long days and they’ll be physically emotionally and mentally draining and i genuinely dont know if i can take that#but i am also going to be missing SO much time. and i won’t be there to support the people who i need to#i have also. been thinking a lot about how i’m scared that i think so much abt death bc i’m gonna be one of those people#who seem even more than everyone else like they have a finite time and then they die young#and then my mom compared me to jonathan larson tonight#so maybe that’s some sort of sign that i need to slow the fuck down#i am crying rn. for myself. which happens about three times a year#and yeah one is usually during winter break so we’re on schedule#i don’t know. idk!! i don’t know what to do here#and i still have to do my fucking scene prep for tomorrow#bc i was talking my mom about it and i really needed support which she was giving and then she has to leave for five seconds#and when she came back the entire conversation was just about her own problems again which we’ve already talked about every fucking night bc#- you can’t leave conversations with her and i hate when she fucking drunks i hate it i hate it#i am Not Well. i’ve sort of been avoiding admitting to myself just how badly#but man. i can push through anything until i drop but when i start wishing that i’ll drop so i have an excuse for a break….. not good#ted talks#the west wing
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On one hand Trevek is canon which is infuriating and terrible because Trevor deserves better and Derek is a nothing character with no likable or sympathetic traits beyond occasionally having funny lines and Emily is literally right there. On the other hand Trevek is canon which is awesome because Noahh’s character had to kiss a man
#alex’s dc rambles#anyways. ep 18 bad but who’s surprised#Jake and Riya are so alike because they’re both great in their og seasons and lowkey terrible here#I’m still team Jake because yk he’s been my scrimbly from day one but Ally deserves it a little more maybe…imo…#really hope Jake and Ally finally make up tbh I really love both of them and need them to be besties#or at least chill#also s2 riya absolutely deserved to make finale and I loved here there but honestly having a character make the finale twice is…mmm…#like give someone else a shot. she hasn’t even had a good arc this season like she did in s2#also I’m glad Connor is gone because I did not like him as a finalist#or even as a character since his comeback tbh early s3 Connor come back to me#but him leaving as like. idk a hero sacrificing himself. like it wasn’t deserved#hate how he’s treated as such a golden boy like somehow hes always in the right#sigh. society if grett and/or gabby made the finale#wtv. that hotel episode better sweep. also if they start villainizing Emily I’m going to bite my computer in half
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Did sleeping help
No </3
#vent#tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat#if you think everyone hates you then sleep#if you hate yourself take a shower?#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas#but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do#I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh#I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such#crippling anxiety and stress because of it#everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or#SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan#I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what#to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile#mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day#since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it#I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to#anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t#self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it#ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart#I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things#even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that
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i feel like i’m wasting my time on schoolwork that i ultimately don’t care about when i could be taking pictures of bugs and drawing yaoi and discussing what kind of lingerie light yagami would like based on his sense of fashion and personality
#like idgaf abt any of this shit rn. i was academia brained for like 16 years give me a fucking break#ik i’m planning to start my masters right after i graduate but honestly i need a break i want to yaoi for some time#unforch that cannot happen bc i am on an invisible timer that says if i don’t speedrun everything in life i will die which i have always#felt since i was young#this could be the result of untreated anxiety tbh but who cares#anyway i went outside to see the fireflies and i was like i’m going to cry i never get to go outside bc i’m busy w school and if i do#go outside to have fun i know i’ll be more stressed bc now i have less time to do school idk man. it’s making me sick i’m so stressed#w school and home and my family and needing to do things and not being built for living under capitalism and shit and it sucks#and i just want to take pictures and talk abt things i like and not have to worry abt shit but life sucks so whatever#i just feel like i’m wasting time doing things i don’t care abt when i could be doing literally anything else#like i already spent so so many fucking years of my life depressed or socially isolated and it fucked me up and is still fucking me up#like i haven’t talked to anyone outside of my immediate family in months and my ocd makes life so hard and my family makes it harder#and i feel like i’m just stuck here and will never be truly happy and that i’ve wasted so much of my life being miserable and that i’m#running out of time and spending it all doing shit i don’t even care about and for what reason#idk. i’m tired so i’m probs not making sense but i’m just. not happy with how my life is and idk if i will be for a long time or if i’ll#ever make it far enough to be happy u know
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ahhh , so i’m going to go on a semi hiatus which basically is just me not picking up any new writing partners / threads until i’m done school and work slows down ! i’m not sure how long this’ll be , so bare with me !
#anyone in currently writing with i’ll still be doing our stuff#probably still as slow but HAHDJF#like i said i have all my drafts done for everything i owe here i just need to make gif icons#which i’ll do tomorrow#and i’ll reply to discord messages tomorrow too#and then get to discord replies the next time i’m off aka friday#i’m a very slow writer so sometimes replies take me like i swear to god 30 to an hour per reply#idk if anyone else is like that but it’s so embarrassing to me HAJSJSJSJDJD#okay anyway thank you all for being patient#love mutuals who don’t make me anxious for not always being able to be around#and yous are great !
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HELLO I HATE WHEN PEOPLE CHANGE PLANS LAST MINUTE OKAY BYE
#miles thots#my friend and i are hanging out today after work and she asked if we could invite another of our friends which is completely okay!#but the plan was i’d pick them up from their meeting bc i our schedules aligned perfectly#and i just got here and texted them i’m here when they’re done and my 2nd friend said she’s going with someone else who’s apparently joining#us too#but i didn’t have him in my plan today! i was mentally prepared for this specific situation!#and now my first friend isn’t responding so idk if she’s still coming with me#it’s really not a big deal but i don’t feel like hanging out anymore bc i’m stressed out
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i started listening to chappell roan like two weeks ago and i’m obsessed now omfg
#i heard some people on here talking abt her and i was kinda confused#but now I GET IT#i still haven’t listened to all of school nights tho but i’ve listened to everything else by her she is an icon#and she’s touring w olivia rodrigo who i’m starting to like more bc of everything she’s been doing activism wise#love them both#chappell roan#text#idk
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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what’s kit rambling about tonight?
#there’s something so freeing about knowing you’ll never be someone’s first choice idk#nobody’s best friend or partner or favourite person#not someone people think about at all really#you just. exist when they need you#and i used to hate that feeling#but now it’s a core part of who i am#because i’m Needed and i’m Useful#and what else could i ever want to be?#no one remembers i exist when i’m not around and that’s okay!!#because i’m still gonna be here#today and tomorrow and the next#and i’ll be around when i’m needed#and that’s more than enough
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