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toji-bunny-girl · 3 months ago

Note

bartender toji fucking the living daylights out of us after a nasty breakup ? also have a nice day

ON THE H★USE !!

#𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆 ⟢ bartender!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader #𝑺𝒀𝑵𝑶𝑷𝑺𝑰𝑺 ⟢ riding the hot bartender after a break up is the least expected thing you’ll ever think of #𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ⟢ alcohol, pet names, foreplay, fingering, teasing, grinding, pre-cum, no protection, creampie, car sex, nipple play, squirting, size difference, big dick toji papa, alpha toji with xxxxxxxxl dick, multiple orgasm, one-sided drunk sex (?), power play, I’m so lazy to do tags, who even reads content warnings tbh #𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑻 ⟢ 4k #𝑨/𝑵 ⟢ don’t let this flop guys I spent way too much time on this when I should be studying for my exam 😭

“Plus, he literally had to beg me to act like I was cummin’ when he stuck his sorry excuse of a dick in me!” your eyelids hung heavily over your eyes as you exclaimed, brows shooting down in a frown. “Get a load of that guy, am I right?”

“He doesn’t pay for your stuff, and he can’t fuck good?!” Toji teasingly mirrored your tone as he manoeuvre behind the bar, uniform taut from the way he natchly flexed his arms; the bottles clinking as he worked deftly to craft out the beverage you ordered. “What a man.”

It has been 2 hours since you’ve been rambling on about your ex-boyfriend, and the ravenette felt like he’d known this stranger for years—all of his secrets and traits aired into his ears. Albeit, it was getting a bit boring, with the same repeated stories tumbling out of your voluble mouth. But still, he enjoyed chuckling at your adorable insobriety, fuelled by drunken mania.

“Here you go, princess,” a small tug lifted the ends of his scarred lips when your eyes patently glimmered at the newly served alcohol. “It’s the last I can give you, we’re closing…” Toji’s eyes momentarily flickered to his watch, “in 7 minutes.”

“Oh, okay!” you deliriously yawped, downing the beverage into your liqueur-brimmed system before handing him your card, which you aimlessly threw at him, not even lucid of your motions. “Just swipe it.”

Toji simply brushed it off, taking it towards the other side of the counter. He's used to unintentional antics like yours, as long as the tab was paid off he has no problem with them.

15,900 yen.

The digits flashed past his eyes like stars, igniting a luminous glint in his dark emerald orbs. Hell, was it a sum to casually splurge on at some mid-high bar? He’s got a pretty girl with probably an equally pretty amount of personality in her wallet, sprawled on the bar top wailing about her broken heart.

Oh, how he would love to play saviour.

“Here, princess. Time to go home,” he tapped your card onto the counter after the successful transaction. His gruff voice was low as you drifted further from your haywired consciousness and towards a delicious drowse. You didn’t move when he neared your face, attempting to marshal up your scattered coherence by calling into your ear.

Toji sighed as he leaned back onto his feet, and crossed his bulky arms, pondering the ways to get you out of the otherwise empty bar.

It was 12:58 am and the other inebriated customers had gone out by themselves or with their friends dragging them along. Except for you, softly snoring on the sticky counter.

His coworker shrugged at him when the ravennette glanced at the shorter male for help. “Just get her out of here. I’ll clean up the rest, and you owe me this one,” always so kind—how Toji wished he could smooch that man right then.

“Thanks, man,” Toji’s eyes curved in moon crescents, before settling his sight onto your dozed frame. His finger pressed against your temple, and your head lolled to the side in suit of a light push; a trail of drool slipping past your plump lips. You were completely and utterly out of it, huh?

Grasping onto your arm, the male lightly shook you awake, the warmth from his calloused palm stimulating your nerves vivified. “Hey, Mr. Bartender…” you had an uneven smile on your crooked lips, sleepiness bubbling into the air with every laggard blink as you breathily chuckled. “Are you gonna bring me home?”

“I don’t know about that, princess,” his tone was syrupy sweet and it licked the ends of your lips upwards into a velvety grin. “But we gotta go now. Come on,” Toji’s hands came to yours, gently pulling you off of the bar stool. You followed after his guide, slipping your card into your pocket before frisking behind him like a lamb to the door.

The burly male turned to his wrist after the door swung close in the wake of your exit, checking his watch; it read 1:04 am. The train station is closed and it’s going to kill his conscience if he leaves you by the streets like he always does with intoxicated male customers. He has no idea where you stay anyway—best to call a friend of yours to take you home.

“(Y/N)?”

A grating, vexatious voice called. The two of you swivelled your gaze to the source to find your cheating, insipid creature of an ex with an arm thrown over some chick’s shoulders, chortling at the unstable mess you were. Your eyes were puffy and tumid from the hours of crying slash ranting session, and you were anything but lucid from the way you looked.

How fucking lucky.

“What you got going on here? Getting kicked out of a bar?” your ex taunted, nearing his face to yours as you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Y-You…as—”

“Have the lady some of her space, buddy,” Toji’s authoritative voice prevailed over yours as he pushed the male away, rendering him to helplessly stumble backward into a fall. The woman in his arm hid her giggle with a gasp before helping his fuming ass up, his face beet red from his ignominious tumble.

“Who are you?” he barked, eyelids flying open to show the hidden whites and teeth bared in belligerence.

“A man who can make her cum, without begging her to fake it,” the woman burst into a half-concealed snicker when the ravennette broke the air with his unanticipated words. Your face grew to be saturated with ardent red, from both the intoxicant that coursed through your veins and the sentence you thought you had heard.

“I call it bullshit,” your ex spat with his upper lip pulled up in disrelish. There’s a flash of humiliation in his glare—he knew Toji seemed better than him and it killed him to know you’ve got suitors who are way out of his league.

“It’s true,” you tapped Toji’s metallically stiff chest with a twisted, satisfied smirk on your rat-arsed face. “He toootally didn’t just stick his dick in me and call it a day, y’know?”

“Fucking whore.”

“What d’ya say?!” you screeched, ready to pounce on the asshole. “I sent you to the ER once, and I’ll do it again!”

“Alright, that’s enough, princess,” Toji tenaciously held onto your arm, and you’re stuck by him even without him using much strength. “We don’t want you dirtying your hands, do we?”

A nasty shove met the male’s chest, knocking the air out of his lungs when he hit the ground. It was merely a fraction of Toji’s force, and it already had the male choking to breathe on the ground.

“Speak to her like that again, and it’s not going to be just a push,” you could hear the rise of a dour, serrated threat in his tone, and it begot the asshole to cower back in trepidation.

Pussy, Toji grimace. Albeit he was no saint himself but he absolutely despises the ilk of guys your ex filtered into—boisterous and a bully to women, yet nothing but a trifling mutt in front of men.

A tug of his arm, and your limbs wrapped around his wretched him out of his state of visceral contempt. “Take me home!” you ineptly exclaimed, a gruntled grin on your adorable, roguish face.

Briefly riveting his baleful gaze onto the splayed male on the bitumen, Toji steered you uphill towards the parking lot as you clumsily tottered aside him.

The encounter with the small-dick fucker sure rendered him more understanding of your evening of outburst. Plus, for you to be cheated on that piece of work was truly the icing on the cake. “Poor you, huh?”

“Forget ‘bout him! You were so cool I almost cummed right there and then,” you teasingly giggled as you peered at him through your heavy eyelids.

Fuck—it’s no good for you to be saying that with that look on your face.

His eyes rest ahead the road as you soon come to near the bright red C8 Corvette the woman he’s estranged with had previously gifted him, the car standing out amongst the parked vehicles like a sore thumb.

Your eyes scintillated in awe when the car luridly flashed and beeped in the night, “That’s yours?!” you cried aloud, frisking all the way to the car, before stumbling over thin air and nearly jolting forward into a fall. Luckily, Toji was quick enough to catch you by your arm, saving your knee a painful event of bloody excoriation. “Oopsie daisie.”

Cute, Toji chortled.

Jumping into the vehicle, the potent roar of the engine cut through the midnight air after you’ve settled neatly in the passenger seat, the only thing missing was the safety belt that was supposed to secure your form. Reaching to your side, Toji’s hand briefly brushed over your exposed thigh, the hem of your short dress riding up to merely cover your panty.

A soft, almost inaudible noise fled your lips, and his eyes laid on your face, the faint, intimate gold beam from the street lamp illuminating your glowing features. Your orbs were luminous through the dark, and it roused an innate lasciviousness that lay dormant in his core.

The liquor that flowed through your blood vessels had not quelled through the lapse of time, but it did not take away your clarity to feel the tension that electrified the air molecules into sweltering magnetism. And gosh do you want to snatch the constriction in the atmosphere and tear it through your canines.

“Touch me,” you whispered, so soft and vulnerable Toji could seemingly snap you in half with just a touch.

“You’re drunk, princess,” he reminded, yet he remained unshifted over your smaller frame, his hand merely a molecule from your tempting flesh that sang for his warmth.

“No,” you were firm. Something in you purled, bubbling a heavy, demanding need to have him devour you. “I want you,” your breath was hot, scorchingly so; airy and desperate.

“You want me?” his hand fell to your wrist, grasping your soft skin under his heavy hold, and guiding you over to his seat, straddling his lap. His gaze cut through your eyes, daubing pressure against your jumbled nerves, his intensity threatened to slice through the silky jugular of your vulnerability. And you nearly moaned under his eyes.

You gingerly nodded at him, and you thought the knit between your brows was enough to speak for your neediness.

His grip on your wrist tightened a fraction before you missed the heat radiating from his palm. “Careful, princess. You might regret this,” he had paved a way out, it’s a leave it or fuck it situation served beneath your fingertip—and all the atoms in your body leaped into the growling blaze in the abyss residing in his essence.

“Please,” your voice was barely a note above a mumble, yet the weight of your single word mitigated any marshalled resistance in him.

His hands slid up your thighs, inching under your dress, sending tingles to your throbbing core. The intensity that radiated from him ceased to waver as he leaned against your neck, brushing against your skin as you gulped. Dark, ashen clouds drew above the emerald forest of his before he spoke, almost threateningly against your throat, “I want you to remember every single detail of this in the morning.”

With a breathless nod, you had swung the floodgates of your amenability open to his guttural thirst. The heavy, rapacious waves of your desires crash into superposition. You were the fuel and he was the fire, together the air detonated into space.

His wet lips met yours in a whim, sucking onto your flesh until it stung, greedily tasting every crook and cranny of your wet cavern with the bumps of his tongue. You moaned into his mouth as your hands flew to clutch onto his head, deepening the kiss to reach his insides while his rough fingers sank into the plump flesh of your ass.

Your lips burned with his saliva, and his tongue fluttered with yours. The atmosphere felt all-consuming, gripping onto your throat and restricting the air from flushing down your windpipe. Yet, your core pulsed between your thighs, an excited blaze slowly roaring into something bigger than you could handle.

Your chest rose and fell in a quick tempo when you snatched your lips away from his, grasping as much air as you could within a second before you dove right into him. Albeit your sight was hazy, you caught sight of the luminous flush that panned over his cheeks.

Pretty, pretty. You chanted in your head as your hands slid down to his clothes, clumsily popping the buttons off of the garment that kept the warmth of his skin away from your touch. You want him, you want him.

Your fingers nearly melted when they met his hot, sinewy chest, and Toji’s teeth sank a little too hard into your bottom lip when you teased his nipples under your touch, innervating them hard with every flick. The salient bulge in his pants rolled against your folds, merely separated by an annoying piece of your underwear, and your moans jumbled into each other’s mouths

“Fuck, princess. You’re driving me crazy,” Toji breathily groaned when your sloppy lips sundered apart, a hot string of mixed saliva connecting your swollen, red lips together. His large hands lifted your ass up into the air as he palmed them, the warmth from him sending a snuggly sensation through your body. “It’s no fun when only you get to tease.”

Your eyes playfully gleamed, before the light shot out of the crater of your orbs—his finger pressed against your sodden panty, damp with arousal. The tingles shyly reached through your belly as he rubbed your hardening bud, and your body shuddered against his.

“You’re not playing fair,” he murmured against your jaw, leaving trails of bruised kisses down your jugular. His hand left your heat just as the high came close to your clutch, leaving you with nothing but the lingering cold touches of his.

With a defeated sigh, you ground your knee against his growing hardness, your finger shyly rubbing against the clothed tip of the constrained mount, the spot slowly growing dark from amativeness.

Toji sunk deeper into the headrest as you touched him, his exposed chest ceaselessly rising and falling. His breath hitched in his throat when you twirled his sensitive nipple between your fingers; your heated exhales warming the side of his neck as his grip almost painfully firmed onto the fat of your ass.

You didn’t allow his peaking orgasm to come through, forcing yourself off of his sore, throbbing erection, and your teeth bared into a dirty smile. “I am playing fair.”

“You want to test me, princess?” he chuckled, the bassy timbre of his scratching the knot of an itch inside your ears. A gasp leaped out of your throat as your body jolted forward, his seat clicked backward to its maximum taut, “I’ll make you cry for more.”

You found your back nestled in his stead, your thighs spread open with his calloused hand slipping down your supple flesh. His fingers tapped nearer and nearer to your heat, before slipping off your soiled panty.

“So fuckin’ wet,” Toji sucked an inhale through his teeth as he leered at your dripping sex—thick, rough thumb fluttering friction on your clit once again. Your eyelids flitted shut as you softly moaned against the air, the smell of your arousal filled the confinement of the car; the scent nearly making him growl when it panged hard against his nostrils.

You watched as Toji slipped a thick finger into your velvety folds, feeling it trodding past your walls. Your heat snugly enveloped him as he filled your inside with another digit, his two fingers pressing, and running themselves over your slick cunny. “Gotta stretch you good for me, princess.”

Your back inched into the seat with a contented sigh, enjoying the build-up of ticklish pressure stacking up your tummy. Toji was ridiculously dexterous with his fingers—deftly stroking your cunt, and quick to find the spot in you that innervated your pure senses with a ting.

“S-Shit—” your body was subservient to his touches; your spine curved into an arch, your toes curled tight and your fingernails dug into the flesh of his arm. “M’feel so good. Toji—fuck,” it was as if his fingers were gilded in Eros’ heavenly blessing, the godly grace spilling into your pleasure. Tears began prickling at the sides of your eyes from how hard you were squeezing them, your flailing legs kicking against the dashboard of his car.

“So pretty when you cry,” Toji groaned under his breath, his damp restraints painfully throbbing from the way your squelching walls tightened around his fingers—oh, how he fucking wish it was his cock in you right there and then.

His touches were singing your walls into melting squirts of drool, pearls of arousal weeping between your thighs in the wake of his careful strokes. Never were you touched in such a way, and you felt like balling from how good it felt. “M’ close! M’gonna cum! Oh my gosh—!”

“Come on. Cum for me, princess,” you could hear his smirk in his voice as pleasure kissed your senses, fluttering through your electrified nerves and sending a jolt of tingles all over your body. Your mouth was lax open into an ‘o’, nails marking his skin as they sank deeper into his arm, and your walls tightly spasmed with a wave of rough euphoria cracking your bones weak. You fucking came from his mere fingers.

Your eyes bat open with your lips sundered from your pants, your face ardently glowing from your subduing high. “Fuck…” your wet thighs quivered from the sheer force of your orgasm, and you blinked in disbelief.

Over 2 decades of living and it was the first time cumming from a real man, not your fingers nor toys. But the brawny, sex-dripped male slipping your dress off of your spent body.

You almost fell in love.

Pushing him down the driver’s seat, you crawled over Toji’s firm thighs, running your finger from his chest to his muscle-packed abdomen, then down to the wristband. You were flickering to take charge, and he sank down to your guidance, rough palms resting on your hips.

Your dress was off, divulging the bare curves of your body, sweat-glazed skin iridescent under the moonbeam and your sex-flushed features were begging for him. You look so, fucking, perfect that he had to bite down the need to ruin you on the spot.

His hips impatiently thrust upwards into your sticky cunt, grinding his pack against you, urgency in his essence demanding your heat. “Don’t keep me waiting now,” he purred, with a silent warning tagging behind his words.

Your fingers tugged the waistband of his pants along with his briefs, a drive in you matching his pacing hastiness. His shaft sprang out of its painful confinement, and your eyes nearly popped out from the sheer look of his cock.

He was oozing with sticky pre-cum from his angry, red tip, throbbing veins ran from the base of his length to the curved head—the size of him bigger than any you’ve seen. The smell of his masculine essence hit your senses and a new pool of arousal began drawing in your tummy, your pussy walls squeezing in empty neediness.

“There’s no backing out now, princess,” Toji’s fingers firmly gripped onto your ass, lifting you over his cock, hovering.

“Who said I’m backing out?” you gulped, before lowering yourself down, his fat cockhead kissing your pussy lips before your hips greedily sank down his length, oblivious to the crackle of tingles it would send to your nerves.

“Careful there,” he teased with a chuckle as you let out an instinctual gasp from the way his girth stretched past your velvety walls, the slick sound of your arousal-dripped cunt, and his heavy shaft bubbled into the air, and scorched your cheeks red.

“M-My gosh…” you cried as your hazy gaze fell to the bulge jutting from the inside of your tummy, your walls taut with his heavy cock buried inside you. “I’m s’full, Toji.”

“Mhm,” he cooed, brushing his hands over the sides of your smooth thighs. “But you gotta start moving, baby.”

Gingerly, you lift your hips up before slowly inching them down his length. Your walls clenched as your sex rubbed friction, and you could feel every pulsing vein of his just as he could feel your fluttering warmth.

“Feel good, princess?” Toji asked breathily, your head faintly nodded, but there was a hint of a dubious glint in your fallen gaze, your knees lifting and sinking your weight.

“I need your help…” your voice cracked in disappointment as you paused, tears of frustration edging by your eyes. You couldn’t seem to grasp a steady pace no matter how long you painfully rode.

“What d’ya say?”

Your orbs looked as though they were melting off of your sweat-glazed skin, blinks of fervourish plea clawing from your drunken gaze into his. “Please, Toji,” your voice hitched, and you’re humping his pelvis. “Please…I want to feel good.”

Aww. How fucking adorable.

You yelped when you felt yourself being raised and slammed down his cock, your folds burning with every stretch of your walls. And it feels so good. “Y-Yes…” your eyes closed shut, fingers scrambling to grip his locks. “T-Toji—mhaa!”

“You’re so fuckin’ cute screaming my name,” the curve of his tip perfectly kissed your g-spot with each piston of his hips, and every time the twitching head of his meat met your gummy part, it sent a flash of electricity up your spine.

“S-Sho good—” you slurred through your words, weighed head lolling idly to every thrust of his fat cock.

“No one can get you dripping off their cock like this, huh?”

“Mmh—yes!” the space between your brows was crumpled into a tensed frown, your hips bouncing up and down his thick girth with his hands guiding your pace. “I love it! I love your cock!”

Toji let out a low groan when you cried, bucking himself deeper into your sloppy mess of a cunt and kissing the surface of your cervix. “Fuck—I love an honest girl.”

Your muscles nearly melted off of your bones as he continued to fucked himself deeper than you’ve ever felt, reaching the parts you didn’t know could be touched and your features dropped with his touches on your deep intimacy. A fierce sear of heat burned through your tingling womb, and it threatened to consume your body whole. “M’ cummin’! Toji—!”

“I know, I know, let it out f’me. Come on,” he grunted, keeping his grip firm on your arms as he fucked himself hard and deep into you. He could feel your squelching cunny clench, so tight as for the purpose of milking him on the spot. “Keep bouncin’ on my cock, yeah?”

“Nngh—No more!” you squealed. “N-No—” his thumb drew between your shaking thighs and greedily swiped over your blushing clit. Your fingernails sank into your palms as you gripped for dear sanity, his cock continuously violating your fluttering spots until they grew sore.

“I can make you feel better, princess,” he mumbled tinglingly against your neck, sinking his teeth down your flesh to hold back a shaky moan. His pleasure was inching to fly to release, and your tight clutch onto his shaft was nothing but a catalytic lure.

“S’ hurts—please!” your babbles were almost indecipherable as he rammed into your sore cunt, his fingers digging into your soft flesh holding onto you tenaciously; pushing you right to the edge of oblivion as he clung onto his nearing release.

“Cum f’me again, baby?”

“M’can’t! Still sensitive—!” you cried before another orgasm shot through your core. You felt as if you were sent up into the ether, stars teeming through your body as the waves of pleasure sent you on a vertigo ride. Your gasps dragged through your lips, your eyelids hung heavily over your bleary eyes, with tears slipping down your hot cheeks.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—M’close too, baby,” Toji swore through his bared teeth, his cock painfully twitching as thick semen surged through his tip—his hips rolled as your cunt squeezed his remaining sanity, popping them like fireworks before they burst into nothingness.

Your essence squirted out of your tensed cunny, shooting with his mixed cum that dripped down his belly. Your breaths shaky and hot with heightened senses, your sticky sex pulsing in overstimulation.

Exhausted, you fell prostrated on top of his hard muscle-built body, head undulating with the ups and downs of his heaving chest. And slowly, your cognisance drifted back into your mind, the aftermath of everything—the alcohol and the sex, pummelled into you like a heavy truck. Unforgivingly so.

“Toji…I really feel like pukin—”

6K notes · View notes

dollaches · 4 months ago

Text

— stay with me, sleep with me

♡ perv!ellie x fem! reader

synopsis: ellie’s desperate moans pull you from your sleep and after fully waking up, you realize just how badly she needs to touch you.

a/n: wrote while extremely high i am so sorry

warnings: DONT LIKE DONT READ ! — established relationship, a bit of somno, dry humping (a blessing), cursing, ellie is a complete perv, dom ellie, sub r!, degradation (both receiving), impact play, ellie’s strap is referred to as a cock, a vile amount of spit mentioned, super sloppy sex sorry, cunnilingus (r! receiving), fingering (r! receiving), ejaculating strap, breeding kink, consensual pics after sex, begging, kinda perv r! tbh, sex, deep penetration (?), porn with no absolutely no plot and not proofread

wc: 4k

It was hard to register anything at all as your eyes fluttered open, your mind muddled and confused as you are yanked out of your soothing sleep.

The room is still dark, only being illuminated by the small night light on the bedside as the clock reads 2:42 am, and yet you have no time to notice it. All you are focused on is the fact that you could hear Ellie whimpering, the warm feeling that spread throughout your lower body being due to her humping your ass like you were nothing but a toy.

“Els” you whine quietly, your voice still groggy with sleepiness. Despite the suddenness of your words, Ellie doesn’t falter in the slightest. Instead, she grips your hips tighter, making quick work of flipping you onto your tummy so she can straddle you easily. Pinning you down takes little to no effort even as you squirm a bit, as Ellie’s strength is best shown when she is hyper focused on pleasure.

“Shut up, just shut up” she mutters, now grinding against you desperately, the way her clit is being nudged through the fabric of her boxers is enough to make her act carelessly. “You were teasing me on purpose… wearing nothing but those pathetic little panties to bed. And you expect me to be able to sleep?” she scoffs, her words breathless and frustrated.

All you can do is whine as your face is shoved into the pillow below you, your mind desperately trying to catch up to the situation. It finally dawns on you that she is desperate to get off, so desperate that she was using your sleeping body.

Throughout your relationship, you have learned that Ellie has a tendency to be grabby and a bit pervy to put it nicely. Whether you’re at home or in public, she’s always groping your tits, smacking your ass, or cupping your cunt right before she gives it a little smack. Every little thing you did made her horny, so much so that she couldn’t sleep properly unless she fucked you at least twice a day.

But to know that she could get off just from seeing your body while you sleep is enough to make you moan weakly as she grinds against you. “Didn’t mean to tease, promise” you grunt against the pillows, desperate to defend yourself and yet she scoffs at you reply.

“I’m not telling you to give me half assed excuses, I’m telling you to just shut the fuck up, for the love of God” she seethes, her words barely coherent as she rocks against you, her mind blinded by pleasure. Her words make you shut your mouth instantly, able to tell that there was no way to talk yourself out of this situation.

“Thaaaaaaat’s it” she praises upon your silence, begrudgingly slowing down her hips since she could finally do what she had been so desperate to do. She takes in a few shaky breaths, keeping you pinned down with her weight but leaning back a bit so she can take in more of your body.

Seeing you clad in only cozy white cotton underwear has Ellie more desperate than ever. Her fingers trace your puffy cunt through the thin material, testing your patience with her movements. “Stop fucking teasing” you groan, pressing your hips back against her touch in search of some sort of relief.

For a moment you think she isn’t going to bother responding to you, that is until you feel a hard smack against your ass. It’s harsh enough to make you yelp in surprise, your skin tingling with pain from the impact.

“Watch your goddamn mouth when you’re talking to me” she seethes. “Was gonna be all sweet on you but stupid girls like you don’t deserve that kind of treatment” she mutters, the anger in her voice making your whole body feel as if it’s on fire.

Before you can beg for her to go easy on you, she is pulling up your hips till your ass is raised in the air and your knees are spread. You use your arms to help push yourself up, now on all fours as you look back at her.

Ellie is wearing just a black tanktop with her boxers, and yet she manages to look absolutely perfect. The way her chest rises and falls at such a quick pace shows her need, her complete desperation to have you all to herself. Her eyes flicker to meet yours, having a terrifying edge to them as she analyzes your features.

“Aw, did I scare you, baby?” she coos with false pity. Even if you know she is mocking you, you still nod your head, albeit in an unsure manner. She gives a little ‘awh’ before lowering her hand so she can toy with the waistband of your panties.

With the material pulled snug against your cunt, she can just barely make out the wet patch that has formed since it’s still dim in the bedroom. She lets the material snap back in place against your skin, a pleased smile on her lips when you flinch and let out a hiss of pain.

“Just doing what you want me to do, sweet girl. Look at how soaked you are just from being hit and used” she hums, landing another rough smack on your ass that makes it hard to keep yourself upright. “S’ fucking filthy, you know that?” she questions, not caring when you don’t offer her a verbal reply.

Instead you let out a soft moan as the pain from the hit settles in which causes pleasure to shoot down right towards your pussy. It’s too much to bear, the anticipation of her touch leaving you breathless.

She smooths her hands over your aching bottom to soothe the pain only to quickly yank your panties down to your bent knees. Cool air hits your cunt and makes you let out a puff of breath, feeling so exposed and at Ellie’s mercy.

“Perfect little cunt” she praises, running her thumb between your folds just so she can gather the slick that is rather prominent. “Thank you, Els” you breathe out, needing to get back on her good side or else it would be unlikely she’d actually let you come.

Your sentiment is not wasted on her, as her touch becomes more gentle, leaning down to let spit drip down from her lips so it can slide down your cunt slowly. It’s so warm that you can’t help but shiver, letting out a borderline pornographic moan as she uses her lubed up finger to gently press against your entrance.

But just as you think it’s about to begin, she pulls her finger back. “You gonna let me taste you or are you gonna be difficult again?” she questions, sucking your juices off her fingers before crossing her arms over her chest as she leans back.

You immediately turn to look back at her, your eyes pleading. “I’ll be good, baby. Wanna feel your tongue, please. Want your fingers too, fuck” you rush out, your words slurring together just a bit.

All you can think of is her touch, her body, how low her voice is when she speaks to you like you’re just some stupid girl. Your mind is barely functional at this point, not minding as she yanks your body down until you’re at the very edge of the bed. She settled onto her knees, dreaming of the bruises that will likely appear from doing so.

She spreads open your cunt with her fingers, wanting to take in the sight of her spit that had managed to mix with your own arousal, leaving you a dripping mess. “Atta girl” she praises despite the fact that you are doing nothing but allowing her to see you completely.

The mixture of being praised along with the feeling of her warm breath fanning against your cunt as she inches closer. “Wanna make this pretty pussy feel so good; gonna make you mine” she mutters, not even thinking anymore. She is akin to a shark that has just smelt blood, her eyes narrowing as they focus on your cunt that she’s about to eat out without hesitation.

Her words wash over you and take away any tension left in your body. She presses an open mouthed kiss right on your clit, always loving to surprise you with a shock of pleasure. Within a second of the kiss, she is flicking her tongue against your cunt like a starved woman.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck” you huff, your eyes squeezing shut at the feeling of her tongue working against you. The sounds she makes are absolutely obscene, moaning against you as she keeps her face completely buried in your pussy. She doesn’t make you work for anything at all, already licking upwards towards your aching clit.

She closes her lips around the soft bud, sucking on it so perfectly that for a moment you swear you can see stars. Your moans mix with hers in the filthiest way, as you’re both overcome with pleasure. “Jesus, m’ sensitive, fuckin’ aches, Els” you murmur, unsure if you’re trying to get her to ease up on your clit or suck on it just a bit harder.

Ellie chooses to ease up, giving a final lick to your clit before she shoves two fingers into her own mouth, getting them slick with saliva so you won’t feel any sort of discomfort from them. “Love those noises you’re making, baby. Could fucking come from listening to you moan my name” she says with a breathy chuckle, finding herself entertaining as per usual.

You can’t help the lazy smile that spreads on your lips from all the attention she is giving you, an exasperated groan as you feel her pressing both fingers against your opening, trying to ease them in before you have time to protest.

She usually does one finger on its own but she is terribly impatient and some sick part of her loves feeling how tight you are when you’re not prepared for such a stretch. You practically mutter every curse in the book as she pushes them in, feeling slightly embarrassed from how easily they slide in due to your slickness and how relaxed you are from her touch.

“Jesus Christ, your cunt is sucking me in, so fucking tight” she says with a drawn out groan, the way you’re squeezing against her fingers making her head spin with delight. “So big” you moan out, as Ellie’s fingers were the perfect length, reaching spots you could never get to by your own hand.

The stretch is enough to have you writhing, your arms shaking from weakness as she pumps her fingers in and out of your sloppy cunt. “Taking me so well, angel” she grunts, curling her fingers in a way that has you pleading with her to slow down a bit. But she is too focused on bringing you to the edge, needing to make you feel good no matter what.

“You gonna come on my fingers, hm?” she questions with a teasing edge to your voice, never ceasing to be amazed at how easy it is to make you fall apart completely. You nod, your arms aching as your muscles burn just to keep yourself in the perfect position.

“Feels uhm— holy shit, feels like heaven” you gasp out, the realization that she has her fingers knuckle deep inside of you only making your cunt clench more. “Yeah, baby? Bet that pretty little head of yours is all empty now. All you can think about is how fucking deep my fingers are in your little cunt” she says, knowing that her words are completely true.

You only nod as Ellie focuses on how perfect your tight heat feels as you desperately bounce back against her fingers. “Jus’ a little more” you whimper, and Ellie is more than ready to give you what you need to push you over the edge.

She flicks her tongue against your clit, alternating between that and sucking on it sloppily, her spit dripping down onto the floor at this point. Neither of you care, as you are far too busy crying out her name. Your arms give out and you press your cheek against the soft mattress, your hips still in the air as she works.

“Can I come? Pleasepleaseplease, can I come?” you ask, knowing better than to do so without her permission. Your well behaved demeanor never fails to please Ellie, her eyes practically rolling back from how obedient you are.

“Course’ you can, sweet girl. Just let go” she mutters against your over sensitive cunt before lapping at your clit once more. Her fingers slide in and out with ease and she can tell you’re about to let go completely.

With her permission, you’re coming, the taste of your arousal filling her senses as your clit pulses against her tongue. You can’t even thank her for giving you permission, practically braindead as your orgasm crashes over you. Your own drool seeps into the blanket beneath you, a fucked out grin on your lips as Ellie finally pulls her fingers out of your pussy.

Your body feels completely relaxed, your hips finally dropping down so your aching muscles can relax. You take a moment, a little sigh of happiness leaving your lips as you listen to Ellie suck your juices off her fingers as if it were the best thing she has ever tasted.

“C’mon, baby, I wanna see that pretty face” she coos, helping your weak body so that you can turn onto your back, your chest still heaving as she lays down beside you, not giving you any warning as she shoves her fingers into your mouth so you can taste yourself as well.

You take it just for her, letting her practically fuck her fingers into your mouth just for her pleasure. She eases her fingers out when she has had her fun, pressing her fingers together before spreading them once more just so she can she the strings of spit that connect them together. “You made such a mess” she observes, a grin on her face as she glances at you.

All you can do is grin at her, knowing how much Ellie gets off on helping you feel good. She leans close enough to press her lips against your own, the kiss so intimate yet needy. Her tongue slides against yours, letting it trail against your teeth whenever she pleases. A whine is pulled from your throat when she grips your cheeks with her strong hand, forcing you to stick your tongue out. She offers you no explanation before leaning back in to messily suck on your tongue, her moans making your cunt ache for more attention.

She only pulls away to catch her breath, already missing the warmth your mouth provides. “Gettin’ so much better at kissing, baby. Guess I’m a good teacher, huh?” she quips with a grin. You only nod, your lips still slick with saliva as you give her your prettiest smile. “The best teacher ever” you hum.

Ellie pauses for a moment, noticing the way you’re already pressing your thighs together, a sign that you are getting yourself worked up. “Aw, poor thing. So pathetic and needy for my attention” states mockingly, although she couldn’t be more pleased that she will be able to give you more.

“Just let me grab somethin’ to help make you feel good” she instructs, pushing herself up from the bed and parting from you so she can find what she knows will help you get all that extra energy out. For the first few minutes you simply stare up at the ceiling, eventually growing bored and quickly propping yourself up with your elbows.

You were met with the sight of Ellie tightening the harness against her body, turning just enough so that you can see which strap it is. it doesn’t take long for you to realize, your tummy aching in the best way as you stare.

It’s the fucking ejaculating strap, the toy only being used when Ellie wants to make a real mess all over the bed and maybe because she needs to watch her come drip out of your poor used cunt.

Its an intimidating sight, the way Ellie looks down at you, her hand at the base of the silicone cock. “Gonna knock you up tonight, I swear” she mumbles with a soft smile that sends shivers down your spine.

Even if you know it’s not possible, it doesn’t stop you from feeling completely vulnerable to her. It’s undeniably dirty, the idea of her coming inside you causes you to instinctively part your thighs for her, gently rubbing your clit and smiling weakly as you make tight circles with your finger.

“Need you to, Els. Wanna feel when you finish inside” you plead, trying to entice her. Without even truly having to try, she is giving in to you. “You’ve got a dirty fucking mouth” she huffs, quickly striding towards the bed and pushing your legs up a bit higher. Her tone of voice leaves you feeling helpless to her in that moment.

She uses one hand to slap her strap against your needy clit, her mind filled with everything she wanted to do to you in that moment. The way you yelp and flinch is more than enough to please her; raising her hand to spit into her own hand, stroking her strap as if she could truly feel it. Ellie tilted her head back, her fist pumping in the most perfect manner, as it forced the material to nudge up against her clit.

“Gonna fuck you till you’re a mess, all for me” she breathes out, slowing her fist down now that her cock was thoroughly coated with spit, she teasingly pushed it against your entrace, letting it catch in the slightest before continuing on.

“Need you to fill me up, please” you beg, looking up as ellie towers over you from her higher position. Your pathetic plea makes her genuinely smile and she is more than eager to finally give in to your request.

“How can I say no when you ask so nicely?” she teases, getting you distracted so she could slowly push in. Your brows knit together once you feel the stretch, the thickness of it making you thankful Ellie had soaked your pussy with her spit.

“Ellie, fuck” you shudder, not complaining when she decides to push your legs further apart so she can push all the way in. Every time you think it’s over, another inch slips in and leaves you barely able to take in a few breaths of air.

When she finally manages to get all the way in, she lets out a curse at the way she can literally feel her hips against your own. Your hands clench at your sides, the feeling of being so full making it impossible to think for yourself.

She pulls out all the way to the tip before pushing her hips against yours to fuck you as deeply as possible. Her pace only quickens when your moans are only full of bliss. “You hear that, sweetheart? Your cunt s’ fucking soaking” she groans between thrusts, her hands lowering to slap your tits and grope them carelessly.

Her thrusts are forceful enough to really be able to make Ellie moan weakly, the material bumping against her making her grip on your thighs tighten. She looks you in the eyes as she’s buried in your cunt, letting silence fall between the two of you so you could her the dirty sound of your wet cunt slapping against the base of her dick. It left you more flushed than you already were, your lips parting in an attempt to say anything at all.

“You’re such a nasty perv” you moan out between each thrust. “Getting off just at the idea of filling me up with your cum” you tease, knowing the effects it would have.

Being called a perv for her behavior makes Ellie whimper pathetically, loving when you tell her how disgusting her behavior is. “Fuck, say it again babe. Gonna make me fucking come if you keep talking like that” she states, barely getting in a few breaths as she speaks.

Her words only spur you on, as you have the need to make her feel good as well. “So wrong of you to use me while I’m sleeping, isn’t it?” you huff, feigning disgust. “Are you so desperate that you have to hump me like I’m just a toy? Because that’s disgusting” you continoue on.

All the while, Ellie’s moans grow louder as her physical and emotional pleasure build intensely. “And now look at you, trying to breed me like you own me” you scoff, doing your best to play the part for your girlfriend.

It seems to please her, as she’s fucking into you at an unbelievable pace. The strokes being so deep and swift that you’re back to being unable to speak, reduced to something weak when she was taking you like this.

“I do own you, stupid. I’ll use your body however the fuck I want and I know you won’t complain because you get off on it just as much as I do” she groans, making you feel like you don’t even have any purpose other than to be Ellie’s girlfriend.

“You own me, I’m sorry, you own me” you gasp as pounds against a soft spot within you that causes you to lock your legs around her, refusing to let her pull out. “And I am gonna breed your filthy cunt, s’ all mine anyways” she states weakly as you’re both about to fall over the edge. Your tummy feels tight, clenching around her strap as you try to prepare to take her load.

“Holy fuck I’m—“ she begins, her hand tightening around the base of her strap so she can release the surprisingly warm cum into your pussy. Both of you moan over one another, hips trembling and shaking as Ellie’s cock remains deep inside you, cum dripping from the corners of your cunt.

You’re flooded, feeling completely full and used. Each tremor makes you mewl, as her cock manages to move inside you. Before you can protest, she’s pressing her body closer to yours, pinning your hips down with her own.

Slow and steadily she fucks you back open, each thrust intimate and loving. “Gotta make sure it takes, angel” she mutters to soothe your shaking body, completely overstimulated by pleasure. She fucks her cum back into your sore cunt, not wanting any of it to go to waste. Both of you were completely delusional, as you could swear in this moment you were truly going to have her babies.

After a few soft thrusts, she presses a small and gentle kiss to your lips as she eases her cock out of you. The loss of it leaves you groaning, already missing the feeling. You clench as best you can just to keep the cum inside to please Ellie.

“Don’t wanna forget this” she states in a rushed manner, scrambling up to grab her phone off her nightstand. She quickly places the camera above you, giving a little “say cheese!” and awaiting your bright smile before she snaps the perfect pictures of you. You’re completely fucked out and a total mess, her cum even still dripping out during the photo.

You adore when she takes pictures of you, as it’s something special that is only for the two of you. She sets her phone down on the bed beside you, quickly taking off her harness and placing the messy strap onto the dresser so she can deal with it when she wakes back up.

And just like that, she’s back in bed with you, peppering your face with kisses. “Took me so well, baby. Looked so perfect for me” she praises, her touch feather light as she brushes her fingertips against your soft tummy. “Bet you wanna get cleaned up and back to bed, hm?” she questions, knowing you must be exhausted.

And you absolutely are, your energy all used up. You nod weakly at her words, pressing your body against hers for more comfort. “Just a quick shower, okay?” you mutter, simply wanting to go back to sleep as soon as possible.

Your words make her chuckle and she nods, helping you sit up by keeping you in her arms as she gets upright. “That’s right, just a quick one and you’re all done” she agrees, knowing it’ll help keep you in a soothed state.

Part of you can’t help but be glad this all happened, already planning to wear your skimpiest pair of underwear to bed tomorrow to see just how far she’ll go when she’s desperate.

#ellie x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie willams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x f!reader #ellie williams tlou

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vee6lolz · 3 months ago

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2:34 am .

imagine you’re dating spencer and instead of him not being able to keep his hands off you, he can’t keep his hands on you. during sex he’s always to scared to put it in because he doesn’t want to hurt you, so he substitutes by sticking his pretty little face between your thighs and cleaning your messy cunt with his tongue and running your a warm bath afterwards. on your honeymoon, you guys had p in v sex for the first time and he did not hold back. it felt so amazing, but he ended up bruising your cervix and he wouldn’t touch you for like 3 weeks afterwards. he always muttered ‘i’m sorry- i’m so sorry-’ whenever he even thought that he was going too hard inside of you, he promises to be gentle at first but the pace he goes is always too underwhelming for him so he ends up fucking the lights out of you, only to feel guilty about you being cock drunk; barely being able to form a coherent sentence. he always tells you how pretty you are afterwards, begging you to forgive him. and you love it.

#spencer reid #masterlist #woc writer #derek morgan #spencer reid x mom reader #doctor spencer reid #fluff #aaron hotchner #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spence reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid criminal minds #i love spencer reid #dr spencer reid #i love spencer #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff

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sendpseuds · 3 months ago

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[because you’re not the only one who needed a fuck, marry, kill part two]

“Well, I’m glad to hear you wouldn’t kill me.”

Despite years of fighting beside every man around that table, Anakin is certain he’s never seen them move so fast.

In an instant he’s alone, stuck to his seat with fear and deep mortifying shame as he takes in the unreadable expression on Obi-Wan’s face.

“Master, it’s not what it sounds like,” he blurts out hastily, desperately trying to remember exactly what he’d said and formulate a reasonable explanation, “It’s just a stupid game.”

“I am aware of the concept,” Obi-Wan replies matter-of-factly, folding his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorway, “You forget, I was young once.”

Despite his frequent teasing, Anakin has never thought of Obi-Wan as old, though he does do his best to avoid thinking about what he must have been like as a younger man [especially given some of the stories he’s heard against his will.]

“You haven’t given your answer,” Obi-Wan says coolly, his head tilted slightly to side, his striking silver stare sharp and suffocating.

“I— I haven’t—“ Anakin stutters, struggling to school his muddled mind into some semblance of coherent thought, “What?”

“Fuck, marry, kill.”

Anakin doesn’t think he’s ever heard Obi-Wan say the word fuck before and he finds it an impossibility to suppress the shiver that single syllable sends down his spine.

“I— I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” Obi-Wan repeats flatly, one eyebrow quirked in questioning curiosity, “Oh yes, I remember, you require clarification.” His eyes flash with wild amusement, his tone teasing and bordering on cruel as he pushes away from the door frame and takes one terrifying step forward.

“Tell me,” he continues consideringly as the door slides shut behind him, the air in the room suddenly sweltering, “Would you really trade a sexless marriage with the perfect husband for the chance to fuck him once?”

Not for the first time — that word so sinful in the man’s mouth — Anakin wishes he could simply become one with the Force.

“I’m sorry, Master—“ Anakin rushes to apologize, desperate for anything to excuse the horrible twisting truth of the words he’d spoken, “I’ve been drinking, I’m not thinking straight, you were never meant to hear—“

“Anakin.”

Usually, when Obi-Wan says his name it makes his heart leap— this time, it feels like sinking.

“Please, don’t hate me,” Anakin sobs, burying his head in his hands and shaking his head like he might be able to shake the mortification— like he might be able to wake himself from this nightmare, “I’m so sorry—“

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan repeats, his tone firm and commanding, the voice of a battle hardened general and not Anakin’s kind and caring master, “Look at me.”

He doesn’t.

He can’t

Even when he feels warm, calloused fingers graze gently along the sharp line of his jaw.

“I’m so sorry.”

Strong thick fingers twist in the soft short curls at the base of Anakin’s skull and tug. Hard. Hard enough to wrench his head back, tears springing to his eyes as they fly open to find Obi-Wan hovering over him, staring down with wild eyes so dark, Anakin barely recognizes the man.

“You really think anyone could wake up to Anakin Skywalker in their bed and not want to fuck you?”

[1] [2] [3] [4]

#fuck marry kill #ficlet #drabbles #obikin

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bengiyo · 12 days ago

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Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here

I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. I’m sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers who’ve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, I’ll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.

First, let’s go over some shows I finished recently that I don’t think I wrote much about.

First Note of Love

I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that he’s still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I don’t think this show was very coherent, so I didn’t get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably won’t return to this one, though.

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

This is probably the show of the year for me. There’s so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didn’t solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasn’t stupid, and could read what was going on.

I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.

Let’s move on to what I’m watching currently, in no particular order…starting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.

Apple My Love

Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. It’s giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them.

Haunted Hearts

I’m so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. I’m trying to stay invested, but it��s kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. I’ve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.

My Damn Business

This show could be good, but it’s not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy he’s getting into a romance with. There’s something missing here in this one, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I think it’s primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the boss’s interest isn’t landing properly for the employee to respond to.

Eccentric Romance

This show could be good, but it’s not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and I’m a bit frustrated that they didn’t talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes.

See Your Love

I’m not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and I’m having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing that’s happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). I’ll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once it’s complete.

Love is Like a Poison

This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. I’m curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon

MAME won this year, y’all. We all have complicated feelings about her, but she’s secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team that’s put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and that’s a strong sign that the writing behind MAME’s work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. I’m really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.

Our Youth

We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! I’m always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and I’m so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawa’s house might be one of the most impressive sequences we’ve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and I’m excited to see how these characters split and then come back together.

Smells Like Green Spirit

Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isn’t playing a character doing horrible things to his students. I’ve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. I’ve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. I’ve also really enjoyed the friendship that’s grown between Mishima and Kirino. I’m struggling with Yumeno a lot, because I’m really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows I’ll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. It’s got such a strong handle on its characters’ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. It’s probably the tightest thing I’m watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic he’s been about the entire affair. He’s being selfish here, but I kinda like it. I’m so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.

Interview With the Vampire Season 2

I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Daniel’s shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.

I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.

Dropped Shows

Unfortunately, everyone can’t win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. I’ve currently dropped:

Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. We’ll see

Jack & Joker - It’s just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. I’m good.

Fourever You - I’m bored with Earth always playing this character type.

Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.

Every You, Every Me - Wasn’t intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.

Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show.

Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?

I’m genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when they’re this long and dragging.

Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if there’s something I missed that I should check out.

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hyperfix-wip · 4 days ago

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Next to You

Pairing: Hobie Brown x GN!Reader/ Spider-Punk x GN!Reader

Word count: 1.3k

Author's Note: I am not sorry @the-kr8tor , @yumeaoka-chan , @pleaktale. And @rexlroze , YOU have specifically kickstarted the Loser!Hobie rabbit hole, and I have now got myself into loving these losers lmao. I'd like to thank @pinksugarscrub for beta reading for me and helping me out with this piece! Also, this piece contains some spoilers for Arcane Season 2, so don't read it if you don't want to be spoiled!

Tags: Lovestruck!Hobie, Loser!R, Nerd!R, Fluff, Spoilers for Arcane Season 2, Some Explicit Language

Hobie knew what he signed up for when he asked you out.

Despite your typically quiet personality, he knew you were passionate at heart. He knew that when he jumped through the portal to your universe and landed on your bed, only to see you bawling your eyes out over an animated show before you screamed bloody murder from his sudden arrival and fell down on the floor. He knew that when he looked around your room and saw all the posters of different shows and artists covering your walls, all your favorite books and figurines lined up on your shelves, the sketchbooks filled with all of your favorite characters in your specific art style. He knew that when his eyes landed on your pajama bottoms with some cute bison-like mascot from a show he overheard you talk about with Miles at the Spider Society.

Even if you were scrambling off the floor, too flustered to make any coherent words to him while struggling to pause your show, he knew he liked this new side of you he discovered. And he especially knew he he was smitten with you the moment he asked you about the show you were watching, watching your eyes instantly light up before you drag him onto the bed and restart the show for him, obliviously nestling against his side while you eagerly ran your mouth about the premise of the show.

Yeah, he knew what he signed up for when he asked you out after binging the whole series with you.

Which was why he was prepared for you bawling your eyes out and smearing clear snot on his shirt while he cradled you in his arms. He gently shushed you while the end credits quietly ran in the background, running his long nimble fingers through your hair before pressing his lips against the top of your head.

“ ’s okay, lovie,” he whispered against your skin as he peppered more tender kisses, “I know, I know…”

Hiccups and sobs wracked up your body as you buried your face into his chest, your voice muffled into the cotton fabric. “It’s– It’s not fair! They were– they were together again! The writers couldn’t even let them be together for one full day?!”

Hobie quietly pulled the fluffy duvet from the end of your bed over the two of you, wrapping you into a tight embrace within the blanket and in his arms. “I know, darling, I know…”

“It’s just– it hurts so much! The fact that Isha was the one who did that, and it just paralleled with–”

“Yes, I know, luv–”

“Like, they didn’t have make Isha’s last moments an alternate version of Powder’s attempt in Season One where Powder’s plan worked–”

“I know, sweetheart–”

“And the pastel colors during the memory sequence for Isha– fuck– she basically remembers the Undercity as this bright and fun place because of Jinx, and not only did Jinx and Vi had to relive the trauma of losing Vander through Warwick again, but Jinx had to basically watch her baby sister, her inner child, and a version of herself sacrifice herself in front of her eyes…”

A hiccup wracked up your body again before fresh tears flooded your red-rimmed eyes, and Hobie wrapped his arms tighter around you while you sobbed into his chest again. “Fuck– I can’t– I don’t think I’m gonna last for the next three episodes–”

Hobie shushed you gently again while brushing his lips along your hairline, his fingers gently scratching your scalp while his other hand reached out for the cup of water he set to the side before you played the new episode. “C’mon, sit up for me, lovie,” he whispered against your forehead before carefully shifting the both of you up against the headboard. “Don’ wan’cha ta turn int’a raisin on me…”

You could only nod with a sniffle in response, blinking away the bleary tears in your eyes and snorting the clear mucus back up your red nose, before you sat up and grabbed the plastic cup from him. The moment you took a sip, the cool water instantly flooded and alleviated your raw throat, and you slowly drained the cup until it turned up empty.

A small smile curled up on Hobie’s lips as he gingerly grabbed the cup from your hands and set it back onto your nightstand. Without another thought Hobie then grabbed the hem of his shirt and peeled it off, goosebumps instantly pricking his skin as the cold air hit it, before gently pushing the shirt against your nose.

“Blow.”

You instantly obliged and blew your nose into his shirt, and he carefully pinched your nose and rubbed the snot off before tossing it across the room and on top of the pile of your dirty laundry in your hamper.

“Kobe.”

“Still don’ know who tha’ bloke is, but sure, lovie.”

A shaky chortle slipped through your lips before Hobie pulled you back into his arms and wrapped the blanket over you two again.

“Y’know, you could've gotten up to get a napkin instead of using your shirt–”

“It is too bloody cold to get out of this bed,” Hobie snickered while tucking your head underneath his chin. “Plus my shirt was already your personal snot rag, so it didn’t make a difference.”

You rolled your eyes with a sniffle before you nuzzled against his chest, and he in turn pressed his lips against your forehead again with a slight smirk. Your television gently illuminated the both of you in the dark, and you glanced up to see the blue light glinting from his piercings and his warm, dark eyes. His face softened at the sight of you, with splotchy skin and red-rimmed eyes, and he couldn't help but find you adorable in that moment. His arms pulled away in lieu of cupping your cheeks with his hands, and he gently tilted your head up to brush his lips against yours in a brief, comforting kiss. Your lips reluctantly parted from each other, with you trying to chase his lips to steal another one in vain, before he wrapped his arms around you in another tight embrace.

“...was this season as good as you hoped it would be, lovie?”

“God, yes, it’s so fucking good.”

Hobie huffed out a small chuckle while you tangled his lanky legs with yours. “Like, I can’t wait for Act Three to come out in a few days, but I also know it’s going to hurt so much watching those last episodes and have to watch the conclusion of it…”

Hobie nodded along with a tender smile as he gazed back down, his chest warming up as you started your cute little rant again. One of his hands trailed up your back and lingered on the back of your neck, gently massaging it while you continued talking.

“Like, I know there is going to be a clusterfuck of emotional damage for me at the end of this season. We still gotta see Ekko and Heimerdinger, we gotta see what’s gonna happen next for Jinx, Vi and Caitlyn, and we also have to deal with Jayce and Viktor– oh my god, that fucking scene of Jayce aiming that fucking cannon at Viktor–”

Hobie’s smile grew softer the more he listened to you, your voice still slightly raw and hoarse from the prolonged crying and your eyes glinted with the same eager light he saw that fateful day months ago, and his chest warms up just the same, his heart just as smitten with you as before.

You instantly stopped talking the moment a weight pressed down against the top of your head, and you pushed your head up to see Hobie’s eyes closed and his lips parted with shallow breaths. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the sleeping man huddled against you, his demeanor relaxed and languid as his lips curled up into a small, boyish smile, before you carefully pulled the blanket over him and pressed a gentle peck against his lips and nestled against him to join him in his slumber.

-----

Song Recommendation of the Day courtesy of @pinksugarscrub

#hobie brown #atsv hobie #hobie brown x reader #hobie x y/n #loser!R #hyperfix wip wips #Spotify

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smallishzine · 12 days ago

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very important official zine stuff for real this time guys please spread this around

we realized we haven’t asked you what you want this zine to be, so here is poll with some different options for things we could do, but this still won’t set things in stone cause we’re aware that we’re working with a relatively small albeit amazing awesome and extremely appreciated audience, but it’ll give us a good idea for what direction you want the zine to go in.

some examples of what we mean for added coherence, please read before voting unless you wanna be like that guy in the Simpsons movie:

an eras tour zine (yes this is a Taylor swift joke shut up if you’re judging us you’re wrong) would be like different pieces dedicated to each, for lack of a better word, “thing” that Joel has done. @/inthelittlezine is a great example of this concept, except the mod has far better organizational skills than we ever could hope to

tourism brochure would be like we pick a specific thing Joel, such as esmp 1 or 2, or x life, or one of his hardcore/survival worlds (I haven’t listed Hermitcraft season 10 cause that’s still in progress but if you guys really really wanna, that too), and make an in universe guide to it expanding upon the lore and characters and builds and stuff. @/scarland-artbook is an amazing example of this, though of course we would be a much smaller scale of a project.

do you wanna tell a story? Or ride our bikes around the halls? We can’t help with the second one, we’re not very sporty people, but this option is both the most difficult and dangerous to the success of the zine, and the one that intrigues me specifically the most. Like, guys, I know I’m polling this, but I’m secretly hoping that this one wins. Like all the hoping. Ever. But I’m not gonna just say yeah let’s do this because if like only three people also wanna this zine will never get made and I will be really, really sad. This option is basically do we wanna take something Joel has done and work together to create an original universe/story based off of it, each contributing a small part of the story in comic or writing form. Unless you’ve been living under a rock and/or this post broke containment sorry if it did I assure I’m usually mostly sane, you probably know where I’m shamelessly stealing taking inspiration from. We heart you @/hotguycomiczine. If we went with this we would obviously create our own universe and storyline, and we’d try to base it off of one of Joel’s characters if possible. Also, if we went with this, we’d start the mod and application process and stuff and once we knew everyone who was going to be in the zine then we’d all get together and start working on the story, and this is the part I’m worried about because if we’re all stumped then I guess the zine is out of luck and I’d be sad. Also even if we did do this, like preemptively temper your expectations I am no where near as good as the legends at hotguycomiczine at organization and promotion and story writing and all that good stuff. However, if you have an idea for a story and want to share, send us an ask cause we might just end up using it.

I think the last two are mostly self explanatory.

please reblog for reach.

#smallishzine #Smallishzine boring forms n’ stuff #<this falls under the “n’ stuff” category #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans #smallishbeans joel

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moshiiley · 11 months ago

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Not as They Seem || Sirius Black x Reader

a/n: i've probably had this sitting in my notes app for probably 2 years now? i finally have the courage to post it lol reader wants a cat, but sirius says no. warnings: not proofread, cute fluffy siri, might be missing something???

“Absolutely not” Sirius protested loudly trying to talk over his friends loud laughter,

“Why not?” A clearly frustrated (y/n) questioned while giving a small glare towards the other boys.

“Just don’t like ‘em. They’re little demons” Sirius responded with a shrug of his shoulders, ignoring (y/n)’s scoff.

“He… do.. you” James was trying to speak through his laughing fit, unable to form a coherent sentence. Peter spoke up while wiping away a tear,

“Did you forget that Pads’ is a giant dog?” That rhetorical question made Remus throw his head back against the couch revealing his eyes crinkled shut and a silent laugh leaving his mouth. The (h/c) girl let a frustrated sigh leave her lips before letting her body fall back into the couch behind her.

“James? Remus? A little back up?” She spoke looking between the two males, one next to her and the other across from her. James wiped away the tears streaming down his face with his right hand and let his left fall on her shoulder before speaking,

“Sorry toots, I think I’m with Pads on this one” he let out a couple sniffles trying to calm himself down.

“Remus” She pleaded. The male in question pushed himself off the couch to grab his book that was long forgotten,

“I am going to bed” he breathed out, chuckling while making his way up to their shared dormitory. James would go in and out of laughing fits before finally excusing himself stating that he was going to pee himself. The shortest male stood and began to collect all of his friend’s things to take back to the room. Sirius stood with a satisfied smirk on his face, his dumb beautiful face,

“See, puppy? Four against one, that means I win” he teased before making his way over to the girl across from him and planting a kiss on her forehead, causing her to scrunch her nose up at him. Peter stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for the both of them

“Now let’s get some sleep, pup” Sirius pulled her off the couch, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and followed Peter into the marauder’s shared room.

————

(Y/n) was placed on her boyfriend’s bed, dressed in one of his sweaters and a pair of his sweatpants that he had grown out of. His sheets covering her legs, she would have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for a certain lanky marauder entering the room.

“He’s going to throw a fit when he see’s that” he spoke with a smile playing at his lips which only caused her to sleepily shush him a couple of times. She slightly opened her eyes to witness the purring cat on her chest sniffing the scarred male’s outstretched hand. Deeming him worthy, the cat gently rubbed its face against the tips of his fingers allowing Remus to pet it.(Y/n) watched as Remus pulled his hand away after a couple of gentle pets and retreated to his bed with a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“What a lovely creature” he muttered with a content smile, glancing at the cat then his hand before opening the bag that was slung around him, allowing (y/n) to sleep.

Her peaceful slumber was soon interrupted by the loud laughing getting closer to the room she was in. She let a groan escape her lips as the door swung open, startling the cat that had moved to sleep next to her. She heard Sirius shush the other two boys upon seeing her sleeping in his bed, not seeing the cat looking at him.

“Doesn’t matter, ‘m awake now” she sleepily spoke, opening her eyes. Sirius took a couple steps towards her before freezing his place when he heard the cat meow at him.

“What in the hell is that” the boy exclaimed as Remus let out a chuckle from his place on his bed. The cat stood and stretched before sitting down beside the sleepy girl, watching the three boys curiously.

“A cat” she spoke mid yawn. James let his head drop with a snort,

“Guess we have a new roommate” he said before plopping down on his bed, pulling out a sheet of parchment to work on his herbology essay. Peter grinned and pulled out his to help the other boy. Sirius grumbled as he cautiously made his way to the far side of his bed, his eyes never leaving the cats.

“I’m not a cat person, puppy” he whined. Truthfully, the only reason Sirius doesn’t like cats is because his mother (if you could even call her that) liked them. In true Sirius Black fashion, he dislikes everything the dreadful Walburga Black loved.

“Well I’m not a dog person yet here I am dating you” (y/n) snapped playfully before pulling Sirius down next to her and cuddled into his side, he and the other boys chuckled at her comeback. His warmth lulled her back to sleep, a small smile on her face. Sirius chatted quietly with his friends until they decided to turn in for the night. He was about to fall asleep when he felt weight making it’s way onto his chest, he opened his eyes to see the cat’s peering into his own. The cat leaned in and rubbed its face on the male’s nose, it then circled around on his chest a couple times before laying down. Sirius cautiously raised his hand and gently pet the felines back causing it to start purring. The sound was oddly comforting, he let his head fall back against the pillow and closed his eyes while his hand continued to pet the cat. Maybe cats aren’t so bad after all.

#marauders #Harry Potter #x reader #marauders x reader #Sirius Black #Sirius #Sirius black x reader #Sirius x reader #hp #Remus #Remus x reader #Remus Lupin #Remus Lupin x reader #Harry Potter x reader #angst #lily #lily Evans

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maitadori · 1 year ago

Note

Hi there love,

How are ya doing ?

…So exams are hurting my soul right now, I hate uni 😭

If you have time can you do a little something, where blade and jing yuan (or just blade if you choose only one) where they are distracting their s/o from studying or completing their paper work. If you can, can you make it nsfw 💕

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF nsfw blade, jing yuan x fem!reader, separately

content warning : blades is modern. reader is wearing a skirt in jing yuan’s fingering (blade), dry jumping (jing yuan) nothing much else really

a/n : hiiii tysm for requesting me!! and to answer u i am doing preeetty good, i’ve been somewhat busy and burnt out (even though i barely write to begin with) so i’m trying to get back in the groove. you actually sent this ask awhile back and i am so sorry it took me so long to respond 😭.. but i hope ur exams weren’t too much of a pain in the ass. and i hope this is up to your standards!!! this is kinda small but if i tried going into the actual stuff i would’ve lost motivation 2 write.

requests are open btw plz request me i want smth to do

do u guys notice that i don’t have a posting schedule. idk if anyone actually does but

DARK CONTENT BLOGS AND MINORS PLZ DNI!!!

BLADE :

blade was insatiable

something the both of you were already aware of

in his defense you looked sexy even when you were just sitting there

so could you really blame him for wanting to undress you even when whatever you were doing was so mundane?

he laid on your bed, taking in the scent of you on your pillow as he watched you shuffle through papers

your focused face had him staring

the way your eyes squinted, the way you clicked your tongue whenever something irritated you, or when you huffed out sighs like every three seconds due to exhaustion

his eyes then dropped to look at the glossiness of your lips as you bit them in a fruitless attempt to concentrate

he could feel his pants tighten the longer he stared

he could feel embarrassed. he should feel embarrassed. but he really can’t bring himself to care about the details, all he knew was he wanted you. bad.

so when you look up at him through your lashes once he approaches your desk and you blink, clueless. he’s far reached past his breaking point

“blade! you can’t be serious! i really have to nnn-” you’re cut off as he curls his fingers in a certain angle — putty in his hands within mere seconds, you’re barely able to speak coherently, “i have to study!”

“you’ve been doing that all day,” he groans out, watching your contorting face with rapt attention, resisting the urge to get the foreplay over with and shove himself inside you.

if anything he should be getting praised for holding out this long.

blade has you on your back as he hovers over you, fingers buried in the depths of you as he observes every twitch and jerk. a certain stroke of his has your eyes rolling behind your eyelids — a sight that has blade taking your lips immediately.

the kiss is rough and desperate, it alone conveys how much blade wants — no, needs you. he’s biting your lips, sucking your tongue and practically your life force as you go limp from the ferocity of it all.

“you— haah — you came to me knowing i’d be.. be busy! it’s not my fault you don’t listeeennn!!!” your leg jerks and you impulsively try kicking him away as your climax approaches. he’s curling the sweet spot within you so efficiently that your mind goes blank.

all you can do is chant his name as if he were your god, drunk on him and his touch.

he gets harder at the sight of you losing yourself, not even aware that it was possible — but of course you of all people prove him wrong.

as your vision goes white and your cries echo throughout the house once you fall over the edge, blades easing you through it, rubbing your clit as you moan in ecstasy. once blade is sure that your orgasm has passed and you go lax against your pillows, he makes haste to unbuckle and undress himself. he’d be damned if he wasn’t inside you before the minute ended.

your arms are over your eyes as you pant heavily. you’re exhausted beyond belief and as of now, studying is the last thing on your mind. it isn’t until you hear the clanking of metal together that you peek from behind your arms.

lo and behold, blade pulling his thick cock from the confines of his boxers. your eyes bulge and you look up at him questioningly. “w-wait.. you’re not..”

“what’d you think i was prepping you for?” he asks, tone raspy and somewhat condescending.

you dig your elbows into the pillows to sit you up, but blade pushes you back against the bed with one hand and cock in the other. “you’re crazy if you think i’m gonna go any longer without fucking you.”

“i have exams soon, can’t it wait?”

“it can’t.”

before you could try and say anything more, his slaps the tip of his cock against your clit, rubbing against it in an up and down motion. your eyes roll back and your tongue goes heavy.

you couldn’t find it in you to care about your studies when he filled you all the way to the hilt. this was much better anyways.

JING YUAN :

one thing about jing yuan is that he is extremely persuasive and convincing.

you had to admit it was both his worst and best trait

when his voice is suave and deep, it’s almost like you’re being lured in by a siren

and you hate the effect he has on you, because it’s always hard to say no

not only that but he’s extremely shameless. he isn’t afraid or embarrassed of showing his attraction towards you

so when he wants something from you, he has you wrapped around his finger within mere moments.

he’s swarming you like a mosquito, buzzing in your ear with his voice, you resist the urge to swat him

he has an extremely important meeting next week that needs to be arranged accordingly, but jing yuan is more interested in feeling you up.

usually you’d have no qualms about this and you’d accept easily, and you’re sure that no matter what jing yuan does, his reputation as the general will stay strong

but the idea of people thinking badly of him has your stomach stirring

so you scold and you wave him away, all in vain, really.

because if jing yuans anything else other than persuasive and charismatic, it’s stubborn.

he leans down to nip your neck lightly with his canines and you hate to admit how quickly you melted

jing yuan’s lips are hot on yours. you can feel him fighting off a smile as he devours you whole. he has you straddling him on his chair, papers haphazardly moved about as you try to find balance on the desk behind you.

jing yuan’s hands know no bounds, for they touch any skin they find. he’s caressed you from your neck and collarbones to the hem of your panties. he makes sure to give your chest good attention too. teasing just under your bra and chuckling at your desperate whining.

“ah. but didn’t you say you had to work? maybe we should stop,” he says that, yet he’s smirking. he hasn’t even taken off your shirt yet, and you have half the mind to go back to work and try and act as if his behavior doesn’t affect you so heavily.

you’re silent, coherency on its last thread. jing yuan is aware and decides to give you a little break.

he gestures for you to lift your arms, and despite the weakness in them, you use your last remaining bits of strength to give jing yuan leeway of ridding you of your shirt.

and before you can do anything else, his teeth are kissing bruises into your skin, soothing them with pecks of his lips right after.

your fingers go behind his neck to grip the roots of his hair and your head tilts back as your lips part to make shape of his name.

jing yuan’s lips are occupied so he decides to busy his hands as well. his thumb teases the curve of your nipple that’s glossy from his saliva as his other thumb nears dangerously close to your clothed clit. he eagerly lifts your skirt to make way for his hand, anticipation going through the roof at the feel of your heavily soaked panties.

“tell me where you want me,” he groans out.

“touch me here,” you whimper, placing his hand right against your panties.

his smirk returns and his voice takes on a condescending tone, “but i am touching your there, aren’t i?”

“jing yuan!!” you moan breathily, voice coated in half pleasure and half anger. at the sound jing yuan’s lips curl into a smile.

a ghost of his finger right over where you needed him most has a loud whine leaving your lips. it’s not exactly what you wanted, but with your general, you’d take what you could get.

but you don’t even notice how quick you gyrate your hips in search of that familiar friction. you unintentionally shoved jing yuan’s face in your chest, your face in his hair and arms moved to wrap around his neck as you moan prettily.

you’ve hit the point where your mind is blank and only in search of pleasure, something that jing yuan experiences with you a lot.

but instead of disciplining you for this behavior as he usually would when you got out of hand, he sets his heavy hands on your waist to help guide your movement, teeth nipping at your skin. he’s happy with his decision once your noises get louder and your grip around his tightens.

jing yuan’s mind clouds and he can’t help admitting that he likes this side of you, the side of you that cares not for his pleasure and just wants to use him for your own.

jing yuan taglist : @ceylestia @comettheasteroid @voidsatoru @blazervain @meaningofaeons

blade taglist : @shrimp-anon @caesadele i just realized how small my blade taglist is omg

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #blade hsr #honkai star rail #jing yuan #blade honkai star rail x reader #blade hsr x reader #honkai star rail blade x reader #jing yuan x reader #blade x reader #blade smut #jing yuan smut #🃏; saturn.writes

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rooniper · 2 months ago

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The inevitable Ralph Lore Masterpost

Here it comes. After my second re-read and a week of talking about this fictional cringefail tragic girl dad to anyone who would listen, here it finally is, because I felt a need to write all of this down for future reference and also because I am very close to exploding at any given second of the day.

Also: do keep in mind some of this is my personal speculation/theories/ramblings and probably not canon, but I did try to stick to just the book as much as possible. This is not a coherent essay. Really, it’s a word vomit because I can’t stop thinking about the funny Phone Man. I still probably missed some things, feel free to chime in in the replies, might make a Part 2 unpacking some of the lore/non-Ralph related bits in the future who knows.

Anyways, in no particular order (AND OBVIOUSLY; SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT):

Pre-Freddy’s Era Details I Couldn’t Fit Anywhere Else (Or: Upbringing, College and some Coppelia’s Mom Speculation)

There’s not much info about Ralph’s childhood from what I could gather, except two things: he was bullied in school to the point where he had to hide in a locked bathroom stall to get away from his classmates, and his father was a major a-hole who had extremely high expectations for him and also used to scare him out of wanting to play hide-and-seek with him which. Goddamn. The quote “all your life you’ve gotten used to not pushing buttons” really, really doesn’t help the horrible parents allegations. So yeah the man has daddy issues, jot that down.

Expanding on the previous point: a lot of his parenting of Coppelia seems to be directly influenced by his own upbringing. The paragraph-long tangent about how he’s purposefully awful at hide-and-seek because he never wants Pel to feel as scared as he did is an obvious example, but he also brings her gifts from work pretty much constantly (and sidenote: he thinks of taking things from his job that he never breaks the rules at to bring to her all the goddamn time, while being actively hunted by murderous animatronics. That’s so goddamn wholesome I’m sorry even when he’s scared out of his mind he’s constantly thinking of her). He never puts her down the way it’s implied he was put down as a child, he seems really supportive of her hobbies by the way he talks about her reading. I have more to say about his parenting skills, but the fact that he’s terrified of becoming like his own father/parents seems to be a giant part of them.

He’s a college dropout who majored in psychology, aiming to specialize in child psychology, which makes so much sense but also I find incredibly ironic considering he later exhibits very VERY obvious signs of what’s probably PTSD and doesn’t clock it at all. But that is also going to be its separate point, put a pin in that.

It’s not just implied, but pretty explicitly stated by Ralph himself that he’s a massive overachiever. He was probably pretty academically successful in college, considering he mentions it was a surprise to most people that he’d drop out to get into security work. It’s pretty strongly implied this was mostly because he was pressured into succeeding by his parents. My man has that helicopter parents burnout syndrome, and escaped it by going into a job where he could still interact with kids like he wanted to as a psychologist but actually be happy, and that means a lot to me actually.

(Very important sidenote, because I don’t know where else to put this: the fact that his real dream job is to make children’s toys is just so real to me, especially as someone who’s also experienced academic burnout. It makes so much sense for him to want to do something with his hands where he can create something tangible after being pushed into being traditionally ‘successful’ in academia by his environment. Also put a pin in this as well because I have another point to make about the whole toymaker thing)

He seems to be at least low-contact with his family, which is understandable from what we know about his father - I’d say it’s likely he even cut contact completely after dropping out of college. The fact that he never mentions his parents as a possibility when he talks about babysitting options, or the fact that he doesn’t even consider them taking care of Coppelia when he is literally about to die seems pretty telling to me. I mean, alternatively, they could both be dead, depending on how old Ralph is, but since Coppelia’s only eleven that seems a bit unlikely.

Coppelia’s mom is a mystery. There is exactly one mention of her in this entire book and it doesn’t come from Ralph, but from Pel, so we know she does in fact exist but that’s about it. When Ralph talks about parenting Coppelia he never mentions her mom, even as far back as when Coppelia was one year old. They probably divorced when Coppelia was really young, and Ralph likely has full custody, since he never mentions Coppelia going to her mother’s for the weekend or anything like that. And that’s all we know.

Freddy’s and Related Tidbits (Or: I Stuffed Everything Related to his Relationship to Fazbear Entertainment in this Section)

He’s worked at Freddy’s for at least eleven years, because he mentions Coppelia being a month old when he already had the job and recorded his first training tape. If FNAF 1 indeed takes place in 1993, that means he was already working at Freddy’s by 1982 and likely earlier. Which, side-tangent, would imply that either Fredbear’s Family Diner was removed enough from Fazbear Entertainment by then for him not to know anything beyond the vague existence about the bite of ‘83, or that FNAF 1 takes place after 1993. But at this point the timeline is confusing enough that who knows.

He’s never moved up to management despite being there for more than a decade, also doesn’t appear to know Henry or William (especially if you believe the whole Dave-is-probably-William theory).

He was employee of the month 22 times. He also likely competed against his murderer ex-boss in disguise for the longest employee of the month award streak which is the best goddamn thing I’ve ever heard.

He’s written some of the rules at Freddy’s. Because of course he has.

He leaves passive-agressive notes to the dayshift guard and also thinks about shoving a ballpoint pen in the cleaning staff’s faces. And also talks about reporting people for slacking off. What I’m trying to say that he’s probably not the most popular of people with the rest of the staff, and doesn’t appear to realize why that could possibly be. Worst enemy of folks who don’t want to take their shitty minimum wage job extremely seriously.

On a related note, he takes his job so seriously oh my god. He does like twenty other jobs each night while the animatronics are trying to kill him. He’s probably the only person still doing reports. Management is very much implied to never read them. He writes them anyway. The fact that he was genuinely called ‘the Phone Guy’ and also was in training videos is also amazing (and also pushes the Trans Phone Guy agenda for anyone who considers Kim from the FNAF movie to be a stand-in for him).

This is specifically night-shift related: While it’s true that his survival instincts are absolutely shot, he is, when pushed, demonstrated to be capable of extreme violence against animatronics, which actually good for him. He kicks Bonnie’s head off. He beats Chica to death with a mop. He shoots Foxy with a watergun and also throws a lightbulb at him. This is not particularly important to anything but it’s extremely important to me.

Anyways, he’s really, really loyal to this company. Like, too loyal. Like, he was very much responsible and instrumental in shutting down rumors and speculation among staff after the bite of ‘87 and likely after the MCI as well too loyal. He’s management’s mouthpiece for their dirty work and that makes me feel a certain way because it’s so obvious he cares a lot about this shitty kids’ restaurant, enough that he’d defend it at all cost even when there’s so much evidence against it. This will come up again when I talk about him gaslighting himself.

This is mostly me speculating on the previous point, but I’m pretty certain a lot of his defending of the company is also a coping mechanism that he uses to grapple with the trauma brought to him by the fact that he’s spent a huge chunk of his life working for a conglomerate that’s gotten people killed. He genuinely insinuates Jeremy was responsible for getting chomped, because he must’ve done something wrong, the animatronics would never attack anyone without reason (right?). When he talks about how the media blew children going missing out of proportion, it seems less like he believes it and more like he doesn’t want to believe it - especially considering he’s only brought Coppelia to Freddy’s once in her life. He never lets her near it. He shuts her down immediately when she talks about working at it. Which, at least to me, demonstrates that on a subconscious level, he knows what he’s saying isn’t true. It’s just easier to say it than face the facts.

And lastly, he’s so clearly and passionately loyal to the Fazbear��s franchize. This fucker genuinely loves working here and is sad to go, even though management treats him like shit. We already knew that, but still, dear god those people could not care less if he lived or died and he STILL takes his night guard duties so goddamn seriously. He’s so clearly really invested in it, he talks about what a magical place Freddy’s used to be for kids, he talks about how much the job means to him, all the while it’s actively trying to kill him, he defends it to the point that it’s actively ridiculous, and in multiple endings he still gets blackmailed, disappeared or worse by the people he’s defending. And- I don’t know. It just makes me really sad. Again, I do believe his over-the-top enthusiasm for his job is probably him compensating for the fact that he doesn’t want to face the incredibly traumatic stuff happening to him, especially because as the week goes on, he gets less and less enthusiastic with every night, and just- Yeah. Fazbear Entertainment doesn’t deserve him.

Characterization, Diction and Things Like That (Or: Everything Else)

Let’s get the more positive stuff in this section out of the way first: we already knew this from the phone calls, but the way this man talks just sends me. “Time to make the donuts” when walking into a shift my favorite of his Phone-Guy-isms, but also unironically saying “oh boy!” and “what rotten luck!” right when you’re about to die is equally important to me.

Kind of related but not really: this man truly is a dad through and through because MY GOD the amount of bad puns and/or stupid references he makes is criminal. The fact that they get him actually killed in some of the endings because he keeps laughing at his own terrible jokes is also great. My favorite examples include thinking “my, what large ears you have” immediately before Foxy mauls him, the Irony Curtain, the how many night watchmen does it take to change a lightbulb, and so on. The fact that he also finds all of this absolutely hilarious means so much to me. Ralph truly is a cringefail girl dad, RIP to him he would’ve loved those awful shirts with puns that were popular with dads going to Disneyland in the 2000s.

Not gonna lie, and I’m not sure if this is just me reading too much into it, but he also reads as at least slightly neurodivergent to me. And I am ready to die on that hill. He doesn’t really seem to be the best at social interaction or with figuring people out, from the way he talks about not being able to tell if his coworkers are only laughing at his jokes to be polite or not and how he doesn’t seem to understand why they would be upset with him shoving minimal errors in their faces. He notices a single hat out of place in one of the Party Rooms and immediately goes to correct it. He makes a point about how much he hates messes and the whole “you need order, you crave order in your life” quote resonated so deeply with me that it’s uncanny. He’s a “stickler for rules”. The fact that he worked at one place for eleven plus years also makes me think he’s probably not the best with change. I could go on. I don’t know, I wouldn’t be able to tell you why, but I just can’t see him as fully neurotypical.

He’s also just a really curious dude, to the point of his curiosity overriding his survival instincts. Which is a horror protagonist trope if I’ve ever seen one. The scene where he lifts up a strange robot cupcake he just found directly to his face with zero hesitation is just. Yeah.

He loves Foxy, which we already knew, but also the fact that he explicitly states that he’s still scared of him and Pirate Cove by association makes me kinda sad. Also, related point, he’s a self-proclaimed fan of pirate stories, so I’m pretty sure that’s where Coppelia gets her taste in books from, but that’s besides the point.

In general, he just really loves the animatronics, too? Like he waves at them after his shift. Like I already mentioned, he talks about how much they mean to him, and how much he loves the fact that they brought joy to kids. It’s kinda sweet.

The most questionable thing about him is the way he. Uh. Talks about guns/cops in a way that kind of makes me remember he was raised in Utah around the 1960s. There are a few specific passages that make me extremely concerned about what his opinion on the second amendment is. But that is luckily left unspoken so I’ll be moving along.

The job stresses him out so much he consumes a packet of raw poptarts because he’s so hungry by the end of it. Which, while iconic, is also very deeply concerning. Which brings me to my biggest point

My god this man has Trauma. So much Trauma. He represses so much. The entirety of the beginning of Night 3 is just him describing that he forgets details about his shifts as soon as he leaves them. He gaslights himself constantly that nothing bad is happening (after Night 1, for example, he calls the entire shift the night before a bad dream and convinces himself he’s just “misinterpreting” events, which is goddamn concerning), but he’s also actively wasting away despite telling himself he’s not (my man looks into the mirror and his only and first comment is that he looks terrible). Not to mention the dissociation. He spaces out when he comes home on two seperate occassions, and loses and entire hour each time without realizing it. God I hope in the endings where he survives he eventually gets therapy.

Coppelia and Life Outside of Work (Or: This Section is Concerningly Short)

This man loves his daughter so goddamn much. So, so much.

No but seriously the interactions between him and Coppelia are so pure and well written and they were my favorite part of the book, somehow, even though I wasn’t originally sold on the concept. The “with what?” “excellent point, I’ve got nothing” kills me still. The scene where Coppelia curls up next to him after he comes home from his shift makes me want to sob. He makes her pancakes and they banter and she test limits but it’s obvious she also loves her dad, and that is- AAAAAA

Back to my bullshit, though: Ralph does kinda read as the type of parent who’d spoil a kid rotten if given the opportunity to do so. At some point Coppelia directly says that he “gets her everything she wants”, and- yeah. This is similar to the point I made previously about him bringing her gifts all the time. She does seem like a good kid, though. He’s just a girl dad to the extent that he’d probably wear a shirt with girl dad written on it, you know?

He’s also really protective of her. And worries. A lot. Not just when he calls home or rushes home to check on her, but also when he talks about being a security guard at her school and whenever he forbids her from ever ever going near Freddy’s. Say what you will about him defending a company to a possibly unethical extent, but he’s not about to endanger his daugher over it, and I respect that.

The only concering thing about him and Coppelia is the fact that Coppelia apparently drew herself stabbing him when she was little. Which is. Well. Not ideal. The fact that he finds this completely normal is very in character, though.

On Coppelia by herself, though: the fact that she ‘tinkers with stuff in the basement’ concerns me. I wouldn’t at all be surprised if after the canon ending, she ends up to be a technician at Freddy’s at some point. Also, the fact that she’s a gamer warms my heart.

Now, on other outside-work activities: I love the implication that my man not only bowls and always pays for dinner, but that he bowls and pays for dinner while dining with his serial killer ex-boss. God, that’s awesome, I love that so much.

Tying back to a point I made previously and also to a point I saw some people make that I really, really resonated with: there are actually a lot of parallels between Henry/William and Ralph, especially concering parenting. I don’t think the fact that his dream to be a toymaker is accidental, either, or the fact that he goes out of his way to point out that he wants to make toys that aren’t at all mechanical. Because even though he’s also a dad trying to make his kid happy with his creations, unlike William and/or Henry, he doesn’t want to make anything bigger than himself, or anything innovative; just wants to make simple things and make a kid’s day better. I don’t know man keeps me up at night, you know?

And, because this is only important to me: he owns a Kit-Cat Clock. This is somehow the most fitting thing I could’ve read about his taste in home decor.

And because I don’t know how else to end this: that’s a wrap! Was this book perfect? Hell no. The Bronwen plotline makes my brain hurt. But was it incredibly fun? Oh hell yes. And now I have a reference point for any future writings I do where Ralph is an active character, so that’s a major bonus. I have many thoughts but not enough time to put all of them down so I’m stopping here, major thanks to @graceandtheidiotsquad for pushing me over the edge and making me actually finish this with a reply lmao. And that’s all! Phone Man please get out of my head now before I go insane.

#when i tell you rent free in my head i mean rent free #i start uni in like 4 days i can’t still be unwell over a goddamn fnaf book and yet #ralph my beloved i love you you silly silly man #fnaf #phone guy #the week before #fnaf the week before #fnaf the week before spoilers #reference

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tightjeansjavi · 1 year ago

Text

Slow Hands | Joel Miller x f! reader

Chapter 2 “an espresso a day keeps the doctor away”

A/N: I breezed through this chapter just like the last one 🥺 I hope you all enjoy reading. Please note there is mentions of anxiety attacks and PTSD in this chapter. If this sort of content triggers you, please tread carefully if you choose to read. 🤎

~word count: 4.2k~

Summary: Joel is overwhelmed with the realization that he knows you in some capacity and struggles handling his emotions that come with the realization.

Warnings: mentions of PTSD episodes (I am in not claiming to be an expert on this stuff but I did do some research to actively depict what this disorder is like for Joel) anxiety, anxiety coping mechanisms (ie counting, focusing on one thing and blocking out everything else) overwhelming emotions, mentions of alcohol consumption, fainting, feeling like breathing is not possible, zoning out, disassociation, denial, mentions of childloss, mentions of loss in general, internal thoughts, angst, mentions of prescription pills for anxiety, some fluff towards the end, no age gap, no use of y/n, reader has no physical description but goes by the nickname ‘Beanie’ (+18 minors dni!)

“…Joel?” You asked softly when he didn’t immediately respond to you stating that the coffee was so good because of a bit of sugar and love sprinkled into it.

Joel blinked and tightened his grip around the mug slightly. His fingers flexed, and his jaw tightened to an edgefold.

“Is everything alright? Did I..say something wrong?”

Your voice was sounding fuzzy and muffled to his good ear, almost as if you were standing far away; too far for him to detect the words flitting past your lips.

His eyes were focused on a spot along the wall next to your head. He tried to not allow his thoughts to presently consume him, but when these episodes sprung up, it was a challenge for him to handle. The room felt like it was closing in on him. Inch by inch till he felt like he was suffocating from the paranoia.

Fuck me. His internal thoughts plagued him.

Breathe, Joel. Fucking Breathe.

I can’t breathe. I’ve forgotten how to.

Fuck.

Fuck. Not this again.

His hand that wasn’t presently purchased around the mug was now resting along the rustic wood. His fingers thrummed nervously as he struggled to take steady inhales. Something that once was so easy, and required little to no thought, was now becoming a struggle once more.

His lips opened and then closed, and then opened again but no words flowed through them. He could taste the anxiety lingering on his tongue as his mouth went dry. The last time he had one of these episodes was when he and Ellie arrived in Jackson for the first time. His mind kept playing tricks on him when he saw a woman who would be about Sarah’s age (if she had lived) with a little girl. Now, he didn’t just face images of Sarah flashing in his brain. He saw Ellie now too.

“Joel? Can I–get you some water or something? You look as if you’ve just seen a ghost..” Your hand had reached out to gently touch his forearm and he immediately flinched back, as if he had touched something scalding and his body's natural defense was to flee from it. The milky whites of his eyes were on display, reminding you of a frightened, cornered animal or a deer fleeing from a pack of wolves.

“I’m–I'm sorry.” He sputtered out. Trying to gather his thoughts so that he would come across as being coherent. “You–I have to–I have to go.” He raked his fingers through his salt and peppered stained tendrils of hair. “I’m sorry, I just–I can’t be here right now darlin.’”

His voice was so low and timid, you could barely depict the words he was saying. You had opened your mouth to speak again, but his broad frame was already scurrying out the door. The sound of the hinges being smacked open nearly startled you as a frigid breeze whipped past, carrying in a spray of snow in its wake.

Joel Miller was gone within a blink of an eye and only after he had left did you realize that he had abandoned the owl mug on the counter.

Joel’s boot-clad feet were carrying him faster than his brain could keep up with.

One foot after the other easy peasy.

One. two. three. four. five. six. seven…

20 steps to the Tipsy Bison.

“TOMMY!” Joel’s deep baritone voice boomed through the empty establishment, sans his younger brother moseying around the bartop.

“What are ya fuckin’ yellin’ for? Christ, Joel! Nearly gone and gave me a heart attack!”

“DID YOU FUCKIN’ KNOW THAT WE SORTA KINDA KNOW EACH OTHER?!” Joel was one hot mess as he stopped just in front of the bartop. His fists were trembling at his sides and he did in fact look like he had seen a ghost.

“Brother, what in the hell are you goin’ on about? Why are you yellin’ at me?” Tommy responded with genuine confusion. He hadn’t a clue who, or what his brother was referring to. “Why don’t ya sit down, and i’ll pour ya a drink, okay?” He gestured to the open bottle of whiskey on the smooth countertop.

“Did you know that Beanie is from Austin? You said you knew her in some capacity, right? Did you fuckin’ know that she used to own the coffee shop on mainstreet? ‘Cuppa Smiles’ was the name of it. Did you know this entire fuckin’ time?” Joel yanked back the stool before sinking down on it as Tommy poured him a splash of whiskey to which Joel downed in one hefty gulp.

The younger Miller brother’s face fell at the realization. “Fuck, Joel. I’m so sorry. I swear..I had no idea. No fuckin’ clue. Now that you mention it, Beanie does look like that barista that always did the silly little latte art on your coffees. Hey, Joel? Maybe you shouldn’t–”

“Don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do, alright? Jus’ pour me another.” Joel mumbled as he rested the rim of the glass along his temple. “Yeah, the coffee shop with the fuckin’ strawberry jelly filled donuts that Sarah loved so fuckin’ much.” He croaked out the last part. “She loved those donuts Tommy. She loved them!” He slammed the glass down on the bartop so hard, Tommy swore that it had shattered.

“Alright. Alright, Joel. Let’s just..lets take some deep breaths before we go and get ourselves all worked up over this, okay? If I knew Beanie was that barista, I would have told you right away brother. You know I would never ever hide somethin’ like that from you. I would never.” Tommy’s tone was ten times softer than Joel’s as he tried to talk him down.

“I forgot how to fuckin’ breathe Tommy.” Joel deadpanned as he stumbled off the stool and began to pace while gripping his hair from the roots so tightly, Tommy was afraid that strands were going to be yanked out. He started counting under his breath as he paced back and forth. Tommy knew that his brother had these episodes however, he didn’t realize until now just how bad they could get.

“That’s a piece of my fuckin’ past out there that I had no fuckin’ clue existed up until now! I fuckin’ froze in front of her like a goddamn vegetable. A fuckin’ vegetable Tommy!”

The walls were closing in again on all sides as Joel struggled to regain his composure. Counting wasn’t helping like it normally would and now it really was beginning to feel like his airway was being physically cut off.

Tommy was already jumping into action when he realized nothing he had said was talking his brother down. As soon as Joel felt Tommy gently grasping his forearms, everything went black as his body collapsed to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Joel had only fainted once or twice during an episode, and it was only when he was alone with his thoughts that had become too painful to handle.

Joel woke up in a scratchy hospital bed with one damn flickering fluorescent light buzzing above his head and he was visibly confused as to how he ended up there in the first place. One second he was yelling and pacing and the next? He couldn’t remember the exact moment everything had gone black.

His brain barely registered a familiar pair of arms hugging him tightly. It was Ellie clinging to him like a koala bear. “Tommy, He’s awake!” the teen exclaimed as she buried her face into Joel’s shoulder.

“Ellie? What’re you– hey, s’alright baby girl. I’m alright.” He softly rasped as he brought his hand gently against her hair, threading his fingers through the dark brunette strands to soothe her. “How the hell did I end up here, kiddo?” He turned his head slightly to the side so he could kiss her temple gently.

“You fainted in the Tipsy Bison. Tommy was there with you, and he said you were yelling and pacing and then you–you just dropped to the floor. He said it was so sudden he didn’t know what the fuck to do at first. Next thing I know I see him and a couple men carrying you down the street. Do you feel okay? Does your head hurt?”

Ellie couldn’t help but ask as many questions she could cram in at that moment. Her and Joel may have not been on the best speaking terms, but that didn’t mean she still didn’t care about him. She cared about her dad more than she was willing to admit.

“Oh, thank fuck.” Tommy announced as he stepped into the examination room. Deep creases of worry were etched between his brows as he took a seat in the chair at the front of the bed. “How you feelin’, brother? Doc is gonna be here in a sec. Can I getcha anythin?’”

Joel was still gently twirling strands of Ellie’s hair between his fingers. The motion soothed both her and him and he no longer was feeling like he was trapped in a figurative box. “M’alright. My head kinda hurts? Dunno. Do I got a bump or somethin? I’m sorry for freakin’ you out like that Tommy. Everythin’ sorta just felt like it was closin’ in on me, y’know?”

“Joel, you don’t have to apologize for that. I’m sorry there wasn’t more I could do to help you through that. You did hit the floor pretty fuckin’ hard, so I won’t be surprised if you do in fact have a nasty bump on your head.”

Ellie was already gently feeling around his head for any signs of a head injury and when her fingers brushed over a particularly tender spot along the back of his head, Joel visibly winced from the light pressure. “Ouch.” He mumbled softly.

“Yeah, you got yourself a decent sized bump. We’ll get some ice on it, okay Dad?”

“Okay baby girl.”

The tender moment between father and daughter came to an end when Jackson’s doctor strode into the room carrying a clipboard in one hand. “How’re you feeling after that fall, Joel? Feeling any pressure in your head?”

If there’s one thing Joel Miller despised; loathed even, it was doctors. Before the outbreak happened he dealt with his primary doctor talking to him about cholesterol and his bad back and minor addiction to caffeine. Joel always waved his doctor off and continued on with his life. Hospitals had the same effect. He was certain it was because of the annoying fluorescent lights, the chilled air, and the underlying smell of bleach. The only time he could confidently say that he ‘enjoyed’ being in hospital was when Sarah was born. He was there the entire birthing process and once his baby girl was placed into his arms his life changed forever.

Now? Well, things had changed, and all he really wanted to do was go home and sleep this entire thing off.

“You want the truth or some bullshit lie doc?”

“I take it you aren’t the biggest fan of doctors?”

“Not in the fuckin’ slightest.” He deadpannned

The doctor nodded as he set his clipboard aside. “Good. I won’t bullshit you either then, Joel. So, do you know what post traumatic stress disorder is?”

Joel couldn’t help but scoff at his question. “Do I fuckin’ look like I know what the hell that is, doc?”

“It’s more commonly known as PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder is a psychiatric disorder in which a person has a difficult time recovering after he or she has experienced or witnessed a terrifying event. PTSD can sometimes last months or years. In some cases, there are certain triggers that can bring back those specific memories of the trauma. These memories can be accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions to the trauma.”

“So..you think I have this disorder or somethin?’ Well, I don’t have that so no reason for you to go and blow smoke up your own ass doc.” Joel retorted.

The doctor let out a heavy sigh as he rubbed the pads of his fingers against his temple. “So, you’re telling me that you’ve never experienced any kind of trauma in your life? Nothing at all? No loved one dying? Outbreak day?”

Sarah dying

Tess dying

Bill and Frank dying

Henry and Sam dying

Ellie..

These were the people who immediately popped into Joel’s head and he averted making eye contact with the doctor all together as he found himself focusing on a frayed edge along the collar of Tommy’s jacket. Ellie had found his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she stroked the outside of his hand with her thumb.

He swallowed hard as he gently squeezed her hand back. “Yeah, my daughter died n’my arms on the night of the outbreak. Some government solider shot at us. Tommy was there to witness it. Then my–my partner Tess got bit. She sacrificed herself so that Ellie and I would survive. Then..our good friends Bill and Frank died. Suicide. Henry and Sam dying in front of of us and Ellie, my daughter she–”

“It’s okay, Joel.” Ellie whispered softly to him.

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Joel. Your daughter dying, and all the other people you lost along the way is what’s triggering these episodes that you’re having. Where were you today when you started feeling overwhelmed?”

Joel exhaled a shaky breath as he squeezed Ellie’s hand tighter in his grip. “Beanies coffee shop..we know each other from Austin apparently.”

“Ahh, yes. The nutty coffee woman. When you realized that you knew her from the past, how did that make you feel?”

Joel felt like every pair of eyes in the room were focused on him and he hated it. He didn’t want to be answering these questions. He didn’t want to be stuck in this scratchy bed. He didn’t want to listen to the annoyance of the buzzing fluorescent light above his head. He just wanted to go home.

“Overwhelmed and shocked I guess? Then it just felt like the walls were closin’ in on me and all I could see was Sarah and Ellie’s face and–I ran.” He admitted quietly.

The chair the doctor was sitting in squeaked as he stood up. “I know you don’t want to believe it, but all the signs are pointing me to diagnose you with PTSD. Now, these are just my suggestions, and I honestly don’t expect you to agree with them. My first suggestion is that you cut back on the amount of coffee you’re drinking. Caffeine can make you jittery and cause you to feel all wired up. If you experience another episode like the one you just had, caffeine in your system will probably do more harm than good. I also suggest you distance yourself from Beanie’s coffee shop for the time being. Things and people from the past can trigger these episodes to happen. Maybe just take it easy for a few days before you do anything drastic.”

“You want me to give up coffee? Ain’t no fuckin’ way that’s gonna happen.” Joel immediately put his foot down.”

“Like I said, these are just my suggestions. I could probably get you some anxiety meds as well. There’s not a ton of options due to low resources, but I can try and work something out.”

Joel shook his head immediately in response. “No, that’s alright i’d rather not take anythin’ that could potentially fuck with my emotions more. I got addicted to takin’ pills when I was livin’ in the QZ. It was an ugly time in my life and I'd rather not revisit it.”

“Suit yourself.”

It was late in the evening when you had finally gathered enough courage to return the mug Joel had left. The snow was beginning to steadily fall as your boots crunched under the white fluff. Joel’s house was just on the other side of town. Word spread pretty damn fast about Joel fainting in the Tipsy Bison shortly after he was at your shop. You couldn’t help but feel like this was partially your fault. Deep down you knew that you had no control over Joel’s reactions and emotions. This however didn’t have you feeling any less empathetic for him than you already did.

“Alright, here’s the plan. You’re gonna walk up to the door, knock and then if Joel answers you’re gonna hand him the mug. If he doesn’t answer, just leave the mug outside on the porch or something.” You gave yourself an encouraging pep talk as you walked up the steps, kicking off the extra bits of snow from the crevices on your boots. You took a deep breath, exhaled and knocked softly on the door.

You could hear faint shuffling along the otherside of the door. You were just about to set the mug down off to the side when you heard the lock unlatch and the door creak open. Ellie popped her head out with a curious expression on her face when she saw you. “Oh, hey Beanie! What brings ya here?”

“Hey, El. I just um–Joel left this in my shop earlier. I heard what happened and I just..wanted to make sure this got back to him.” You gestured to the mug in your hands.

Ellie turned her head back inside the entryway before yelling, “JOEL! There’s a nice lady here waiting for you with a mug!”

Joel’s grumbled tone could be heard approaching from the kitchen. “Ellie, what did I say about openin’ the door to strangers–” He paused as he approached door and peeked his head out over the top of Ellie’s “Oh, hey Beanie. Uh–sorry about my kiddo. I hope she didn’t give ya a hard time or nothin.’”

Ellie gave him a light and playful shove, sticking her tongue out before she said goodnight to you and retreated back inside.

“Oh, no no. She didn’t give me any trouble at all. I just–wanted to stop by and make sure that this got back to you.” You held the mug out to him as he stepped outside onto the porch with his broad arms crossed against his chest to block out the chill.

“Shit, the mug. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave it there I swear. I hope I didn’t freak you out or anythin.’ I just was y’know, goin’ through somethin.’” He cleared his throat nervously.

“It’s okay. I heard that you fainted at the Tipsy Bison? Word travels fast around here unfortunately. How are you feeling?”

“Yeah, I heard everyone in the damn town knows about it now. I’m alright, jus ’ got a minor bump on my head and I've been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. Ain’t that a mouthful?”

“Sounds like you’ve had a shit show of a fucking day, Joel.”

He lightly laughed as he felt a small grin tug on his lips. “Yeah, you can say that again. Doc also said that you’re bad for my health..I don’t really give a fuck what he has to say ‘bout it.” His reply was so casual in deliverance that your silly little heart skipped a fucking beat.

“The doctor really said all that? I don’t want to end up triggering you or anything like that, Joel.”

“Yeah, the way he put it is that I am pretty much forbidden from seein’ ya and havin’ your delicious lattes. Forbidden might be a tad on the extreme side, but he just suggested that I uh–stay away from you for the time being, cus’ I got issues. We all do, but the doc pretty much said no more coffee. You know what I gotta say to all that? Fuck it. I don’t believe in any of that mumbo jumbo doctor bullshit anyway. Life’s too short for me to be givin’ up the simple pleasures in life just because they may or may not trigger me.”

“I do agree that it does seem a bit extreme. I just honestly feel terrible for earlier today and dropping that complete bomb on you like that. It wasn’t how I had planned for our first interaction to go. Well, first in over 20 years.”

“Darlin,’ there ain’t nothin’ you should be feelin’ terrible about, okay? You didn’t do nothin’ wrong. I haven’t had an episode like that in a while, and just about anythin’ could have triggered it. I just was not mentally prepared to run into someone from my past so suddenly. The funny thing is that for the past few months I've walked past your little shop, shaking my head and muttering because a coffee shop in a post-apocalyptic world? Seemed a bit silly to me at first. That latte you made me seriously brought me back to those mornings with my daughter. I ain’t just sayin’ that to blow smoke up your ass either. Your coffee was delicious before the outbreak, and it sure as hell is delicious now.”

His fingertips lightly brushed yours as he removed the mug from between your palms. His eyes fell upon your own as you locked in a soft gaze. “You really loved my lattes that much?” There was so much more you had wanted to say but Joel Miller had left you feeling positively flustered.

“Absolutely, silly latte art and all. Listen, I know it’s probably overwhelmin’ for you as well, but..would it be alright if maybe we uh–we talked more and possibly became friends? Tommy has been encouraging me to get myself out there more and try to live a normal life. He was the one who actually suggested that I go to your shop. I was against it at first, but I realized there was no harm in it, y’know? Anyway..i’m ramblin’ again.” He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile.

“Of course we can talk more. I have honestly struggled to make friends here as well. You’d think it would be easy considering Jackson isn’t that big, but some days I still feel like an outcast. I spend most of my time making new mugs for the shop in hopes that more people will come in. I guess I'm just known as the ‘nutty coffee woman.’ I think it’s quite fitting.”

“Well, we can be outcasts together? I think Beanie is actually more fitting than the ‘nutty coffee woman.’ Maybe some folks around here are just jealous of your talents. Your mugs are truly a work of art.”

“I like the sound of that; outcasts together. Maybe I can show you how to make a mug one of these days? It’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it.”

“I’d love that.” Joel admitted truthfully.

A comfortable silence washed over the two of you as the snow began to fall harder in bigger flakes as the wind picked up. “Shit, I'd better start heading home before the snow worsens. I’ll see you tomorrow?” You were balancing your weight on either foot as you wrapped your arms around yourself to block out the chill.

“Do you want me to walk you home? I don’t mind at all. Yes, of course we’ll see each other tomorrow.” He could see you shivering from where he was standing under the porch light. If he had a jacket on he surely would have offered it to you now.

“I appreciate your offer but I'll be alright. You’ve had a long day and should get some rest. Enjoy the mug and I'll see you tomorrow.”

Joel nodded as he watched you turn on your heel and descend down the porch steps. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Beanie. Have a good evening!”

You paused, glancing over your shoulder as you waved, “See you tomorrow, Joel!”

He waited until your silhouette disappeared into the falling snow before he headed back inside. He placed the mug on the center of the counter and headed up the stairs to his bedroom.

It was some time in the middle of the night where Joel found himself unable to sleep. He had a nightmare of the day where he thought that he had lost Ellie for good. It was the one thing that had caused their relationship to grow rocky and created the distance between them. He tossed and turned before giving into his consciousness. The floorboards groaned and creaked as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed the sleep from his tired eyes. The snow had continued to fall as he made his way down into the kitchen for a glass of water. The billowing snowflakes casted a shadow through the soft curtains as his eyes zoned in on the mug you had returned to him. With a light sigh he picked it up, rubbing his thumb across the detailed painted owl as his eyes closed. He pictured Sarah, and the strawberry jelly filled donuts inside of your shop. I can do this. I can be her friend. I can let her in. He internally thought to himself.

He gently set the mug down next to the coffee pot on the backside of the countertop so that he could have his morning coffee in it and immediately think of you, his newfound friend from a life he once knew.

Banners made by the lovely @saradika

Tag List: @chaotic-mystery @cavillscurls @thetriumphantpanda @sinsofsummers @morning-star-joy @cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @kirsteng42 @korynnekorynne @amanitacowboy @casa-boiardi @yazsos @joeldjarin @bitchwitch1981 @laurrrra @whattownheadshake @evylzzz @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ladymildfrd @bobafettbutifhewasgay @gintheginger @pedrobaby @sheepdogchick3 @cactusangie @mrs-dr-reid @littlemisspascal @tessa-quayle @darkroastjoel @pedrostories

(I think this is everyone! I might be missing a few that wouldn’t allow me to tag you 🥲)

Chapter 3:

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nonamegirlxsturniolo · 11 months ago

Text

Only you can stop it..

Warnings: Past trauma with an alcoholic mum,anxiety and a bit of a mention of physical abuse.

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

(This is based on my own experience! Writing is how I deal with this sort of stuff! I will be writing other stories that aren’t as sad 😃)

As my shaking hands press button by button on my ice cold phone screen, the melancholic and pathetic feel gets worse as the memories take over my brain.. my body..

I type and type away trying to reach Matt..he’s not answering calls. Why is he so busy.. ? He always answers.. It’s 2:33 am. That’s why.

I decided to give him one last call, it’s like the shameful and crestfallen feeling has been lifted. The sound of his voice brings me so much comfort.. making me forget about the horrible memories of my mother..the alcoholic,the screaming,the sirens..the blood stains I had to clean when I was 13

The weary exhausted voice answers from the other side of the line.. “Hello..?”

I’n in such a state I can’t even form a coherent sentence.. “Matt! P-panic..flashbacks!” I say quickly with incoherent crying, knowing he knows what I ment..

I hear him on the other side of the line jump up from his bed and the sound of his closet opening “Oh honey..breathe for me okay.. and stay on the line” I hear him say whiles the ruffles sound of him grabbing his keys is in the background

I clutch my hand to my chest trying my best to breath.. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry Matt I’m so sorry!” I apologise for waking him and putting all this pressure of my panic on him..

“Hey! Don’t be.. I’m your boyfriend..I’m supposed to look after you..I’m here to help you, you’re not alone anymore..” he says this in such a softly spoken way .. I feel so safe just listening to him.. “I’ll be there soon my love..”

——————————————

AH! Sorry it was short! But like.. was that okay..? It’s my first time writing and putting it on the internet..

PLEASE GIVE ME IDEAS 😭🙏🙏

Also let me know if you want a pt.2

#matt sturniolo #stuniolo #sturniolo x reader #artists on tumblr #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fandom #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #sam and colby #smut #panic attack #flashback #help #jake and johnnie

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haoboutyou · 5 months ago

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idk if ur reqs are open rn but i was thinking maybe.. a titanic au with mingyu? hehe.. i love angst. honestly it's up to you to twiddle around with the plot but mingyu as jack dawson.. my mouth is watering rn BUT LIKE HE DOESN'T DIE YK AAAA what am i doing

I’m genuinely sorry this is now a headcanon fic. I cannot for the life of me string this into a coherent story. also real sorry 1) it's not angst 2) it took so long :'))

divider credit

right so

this is a strangers 2 lovers type beat

also modern-day cruise so it passes all the safety checks (no dying here)

oh gyu is on the boat with hao because they’re on a cruise with a friend group and y/n’s on the cruise with her family

gyu’s just like “Ugh why cruise? there’s no internet or whatever. with the same amount of money, I could’ve gone to Italy.”

y/n’s like “Omg cruise!!! I love young Leonardo Dicaprio!!!”

they bump into each other at like the swimming pool deck and y/n’s like “Why are you so grumpy? It’s a cruise!"

and he’s like “It’s a cruise. you’re stuck on a ship miles away from land. Have you seen the Titanic?? we can drown and die!!!!”

to which y/n’s like “Bro I fucking love the Titanic. I want to do all the Titanic things minus the r21 parts and the dying parts.”

he’s like “Recreating Titanic? I guess that’s not so bad. Do you need some help?” and y/n’s all “omg please I don’t want to recreate them with my family members”

titanic is where “you jump, I jump” came from right? cause I can totally imagine y/n and mingyu doing this at the cruise’s pool just before they dive in

“If you jump, I’m gonna have to jump in after you.”

mingyu is saying this to y/n because they’re on the diving board and y/n is too scared to jump, so he brings up that line.

y/n’s surprised he knows the exact lines “I thought you said the Titanic was stupid” “Well, Leonardo Dicaprio was hot” and with that, she manages to steel herself for the jump and goes “Well, if you jump then I’ll jump, right?” and then they jump together

(meanwhile, hao's watching on the sidelines like "... that is not how the movie goes but okay" hao is waiting for his turn to jump behind them)

They hear that there’s a caricature artist on board and mingyu’s like “I can’t draw very well, but we can pay this guy to draw us?” “neat. a souvenir!” (they go up to him and mingyu’s flabbergasted that it’s hao because remember: he doesn’t actually work there; he’s also a passenger, but he’s so bored out of his mind that he started drawing and people were noticing that he was drawing and going up to him like “omg artist?? can you draw us????” so he’s like hmm sure ig more money for me)

(i know it's dumb but hao was just this random character that keeps popping up no matter what they do. breakfast? he happens to be sitting at the table they pick. pool? he happens to be tanning there when they stroll past and she almost trips into the pool. drawing? he's the artist. photos? he might as well.)

yes so they do the whole “king of the world!!” and they’re getting another kind passenger to take a picture of them (not hao). he still has an arm around her waist when she takes back the phone from the passenger and the passenger goes “oh to be young and in love again. you guys are such a cute couple!” y/n’s cheeks are red and it’s not because she forgot to reapply sunscreen

he leans over y/n’s shoulder to peek at the phone. “can i see?” y/n is suddenly hyper aware of his close proximity and she’s gone super still as he’s scrolling through the photos.

and then he selects all the photos he likes and airdrops them to himself

mingyu: "do you know what else jack and rose did while they were at the top deck? "

y/n, whispering, well aware that jack took rose’s first kiss (idk that’s what wiki said): "i don’t remember all of a sudden"

mingyu, leaning in: they kissed

ok so there’s a bar on the ship and hao’s asking gyu to come because “bro the cruise is gonna end (it literally just started) and you still haven’t gotten your money’s worth of booze” so gyu naturally invites y/n. she’s skeptical at first but he goes “didn’t (jack and rose) go dancing too?” she relents and so she goes with him and gyu is just STARSTRUCK at how pretty y/n is even at day ?? of being out at sea

when mingyu and y/n disembark from the ship after the week was over, and mingyu realises that for all the time they spent together they did not exchange numbers At All so he RUNS. the hug when they found each other is so cute. like, it's peak romance.

i want that.

#mingyu fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen #kim mingyu fluff #svt fluff #kim mingyu #svt #seventeen scenarios #mingyu #seventeen headcanons #˙✧˖° aiyu writes ༘ ⋆｡˚

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hazshit-hotel-hater · 7 months ago

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The way substance abuse has been handled on the show thus far genuinely upsets me and reeks of writers who either 1.) don't understand the subject matter they're presenting and haven't done even the bare minimum to research it or, worse, 2.) simply don't care.

Apologies for the slight rant incoming, your comment about how it has been mostly "handled" off-screen got me going because that's 100% true and in that truth is such a missed opportunity for the show. The way it has been handled winds up feeling incredibly shallow and juvenile at the end of the day, especially for a piece of media that is attempting to present itself as "adult" and navigate multiple incredibly sensitive topics. I'll try not to get into my own personal experiences and will speak broadly, but the show uses substance abuse more as a cheap character flaw to poke fun at or something to magically handwave away when it is inconvenient, rather than the life-altering, debilitating illness that it is.

Nothing about Angel's use is ever meaningfully explored. It's so (apparently) unimportant to his arc and development that one rude comment from Husk (a character who ALSO has a problem with gambling and alcohol that is never addressed) is all it takes for him to suddenly "resist temptation" and be shown as "recovered" (unless I'm misremembering). Or was he suddenly going to counseling off-screen too and its just another thing that will be told to us rather than shown? And how does Charlie even handle that at the Hotel (I'd be really interested in this as a moment for her character to have to grow/change too)? Does she even understand substance abuse and the many unaddressed systemic factors that can influence it? Or is the entire recovery process just shame based (because that works so well /s) combined with some more corny trust exercises? Why is this incredibly serious topic relegated to the background as if it's unimportant?

Recovery is hard. It is emotional and exhausting. Withdrawal (depending on what you're coming off of) can sometimes mean excruciating, unimaginable pain and in some cases people literally die. It is not a funny "ha-ha I take drugs because I'm chaotic and wild" quirk to be adored or glorified and it definitely should not be presented as something that can be wrapped up in a month or two off-screen without any development whatsoever. That's just insulting.

When you approach a topic like substance abuse and recovery, I personally feel you need to take in all sides of it. All the missteps that come with it (two steps forward one step back - mistakes are expected and okay), the self-loathing, the guilt and shame, the joy, the sense of freedom, the loss, and the best part of all: the incredibly difficult but liberating journey that is rebuilding your life and learning to love yourself and your body again, once you've chosen to be free and to live life.

Mad props to anyone who has ever battled this disease. You are strong, you are worth it and you are valued. Lol I am so sorry for going off here but I so appreciate you calling out the lack of exploration on this topic in the show. I guess I didn't even realize how annoyed and upset it was making me feel (praying this is coherent...).

This was absolutely coherent don’t worry!! Im really glad to see other people talking about this. I myself have not struggled with drug addiction but I have struggled with other kinds and as someone that studies a bunch of medical junk, I’d say I’m decently knowledgeable.

I’m mainly going to focus on Angel for this since he’s the main character I write for, but I assure you other characters addictions are also handled in my rewrite.

During the actual canon show, we don’t see Angel actually abusing substances that often; there’s a few times, most notably in episode 4, but from the rest of the show onward we hardly see anything. Yes in episode 6 they mentioned relapsing, which, mind you, was done horribly, but I digress. They touch on relapsing; Angel relapses, and then… what..??? What happened from that? I don’t feel upset or second hand guilt of any kind from this scene because we haven’t seen Angel’s attempts to stay sobre and off drugs.

His name is fucking Angel Dust. You don’t, I dunno, think that’d entail a higher dependency on drugs? Why do you think he named himself that?

About his name before anything else, the show has so much potential later on to talk about Angel picking out his drag name and why he chose that specifically. So much potential to explore how he views drugs and himself. He sees them as an escape and something “fun” to take his mind off of his actual life. When you die in a fucking coma and wake up in hell as a spider you’re going to want an escape. You will want to ignore reality. I am fully convinced Angel picked his name once he started performing because thats what he needed at the time. He needs to be like that to survive in hell. Angel is an incredibly mentally ill, troubled, traumatised, and unstable person, and being surrounded by so much intense negative influence only amplifies his current problems. I don’t mean to drag Vox in here but in my last redesign post I mentioned how very mildly bad people can become even worse people in hell because of the environment and this is no different for Angel. He’s been surrounded by crime and drugs his entire life and unable to live comfortably because of his sexuality. He has very likely been struggling with substances since he was a teen. Possibly even younger. He is not going to suddenly get over his addiction because of something like this. It could pave the way to him looking into dealing with it, but things like this can take years. I don’t remember when my addiction started; I’ve been clean for 2 1/2 years now I think, but the amount of relapsing and anguish I experienced while working towards that isn’t something that can be done in a few days or months. I still struggle with feeling like I deserve to say I’m recovering.

I’m hoping they tactfully handle this as they should, but my hopes are low. It’s okay to show a character relapsing. It’s okay to show a character feeling guilty. What matters is that the struggle is there to signify they’re trying. For a character with a song called “Addict” you really don’t see much of it. Drug and alcohol addiction is not a silly thing to just twiddle your fingers with and be like “well I guess thats over!” It’s incredibly insensitive to do so.

Whenever I write about Angel’s struggles with addictions, I focus on how small they can feel until you realise what’s actually happening. Just me talking about my rewrite again, but to get my ideas out here: Angel smokes often. He smokes at the studio when he’s stressed, he smokes at the hotel when he’s stressed, he smokes at in alleyways when he’s bored, there’s almost no location he won’t, but sometimes he tries to smoke less. His lungs aren’t the same as humans and technically he has 2 pairs of lungs, but smoking causes him to cough. This is painful in general and especially painful for Angel since he has barbs going down the back of his throat. Imagine choking on sandpaper, kind of like that. It’s painful, he doesn’t like the sound, Fat Nuggets REALLY doesn’t like the sound, and it’s an overall inconvenience, so he tries to stop smoking as much. Periods like this usually go fine for him until the stress returns or he starts to feel the withdrawal. Withdrawal from any sort of addiction is terrible, and in Angel’s case, just from not smoking it worsens his mental state further. He becomes irritable and stressed and that stress leads to wanting to smoke again to calm down. He may resist a few times and those times should be praised, but he gives in eventually. One cigarette to calm down becomes two, then three, and before he can process himself getting carried away, the entire pack is gone. It’s things like this that make addiction horrible. It’s something that deeply scared me when I was struggling. When I was struggling I was still in the mindset of “I can stop when I want to” and then being so suddenly hit in the face with the realisation that I’m not longer in control of this is terrifying. I could not stop when I wanted to. There were even points where I didn’t want to stop. Even just getting the smallest glimpse of this in an incredibly serious manner with Angel Dust would surprise me. To think the bar is this low on a show that seemingly prides itself on tackling such sensitive topics like you said is appalling. Your show shouldn’t have to be told how to write itself.

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