#I’m sorry if I’ve been haunting your dash | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aquanova99 · 2 years ago

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Haunted (Cato x Reader)

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Part 11

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A/N: I have been writing like a word a day I am struggling to find happiness and motivation in writing so I apologize for any delay. Hope everyone is doing okay out there!

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Y/n’s POV

The subtle shift immediately caused your eyes to spring open. You stayed frozen, hoping he you still needed to actually wake up. That this was all a dream of some kind and you hadn’t actually had the nerve to trap Cato by falling asleep on him.

Yeah, right. Life has never been that kind to you. You slowly unglue yourself from his shoulder and take even longer to face him. Before the apology leaves your lips, Cato interrupts.

“Did you sleep okay?”

The question takes you by surprise. The genuine concern in his voice makes it hard to discern whether or not he is upset at your clear disregard for boundaries. “I’m sorry… I didn’t think I was that tired. You were probably uncomfortable.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve slept that good since before the games.”

“Me either.” The realization finally hits you. This is the second time you’ve felt safe enough to let your guard down. You wondered if it was simply because your body knew there was someone else next to you. Part of you wondering, if it only applied to Cato. No. Things were complicated enough as it is. You look up again to find him intently staring and realize he seems to waiting for a reaction.

“I should go meet Katniss.”

You don’t wait for a response and dash up the stairs into your room. You begin regretting not taking one of the rooms on the first floor. You figured you’d be able to hear if anything stormed in. Give you more time to escape. Your brothers had tried to convince you everything was alright, to take the larger room. You almost had another episode when they decided to split the room. You shouldn’t have been such a coward. Now, you realized, you had to walk past almost every room. And that simply, was not an option. You’d probably woken everyone up. Your face felt warm at the thought of anyone seeing you and Cato in the living room. You threw the window open and hoped the cool air would help you figure out how to breathe again. You debated figuring out how to climb down to the first floor before deciding to get through this as quickly as you could.

You change as quickly as you can and do your best to pretend your heart isn’t racing a million miles a minute. The usually long hallway seemed to stretch even farther than normal. You walked and pretended you didn’t notice Cato and Enobaria in the kitchen. Pretended you didn’t hear their voices go silent as your footsteps approached. Pretended you didn’t see Cato and Enobaria stare as you walked by. Pretended as if their gazes didn’t burn through your facade as you hurried to get out of the house.

You had slept enough to know Katniss would be in the woods by now. You tracked her easily enough, and was glad to see Madge there as well. You didn’t want to talk about Cato’s plan you had decided to follow through on. You had debated it since you saw her and Gale, but really the less people knew the better. Than again, you told her about your act for Peeta…No. Even if she figured out it was an act, and she likely would, it was better you kept her out of the loop in case Snow decided to press for answers. More believable.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep in.”

“Sorry? You haven’t slept in in more than a month at this point. I’d say she earned it, wouldn’t you Katniss?”

“She’s right.” Katniss grumbled, “How did you manage to finally sleep?”

Start planting the seeds, Y/n. “I decided to watch some cheesy capitol movies with…one of the victors. And I fell asleep on the couch.”

Katniss stared for a moment but shrugged. Neither of the girls pressed further. Thank God. You knew Katniss caught the pause in your response. She knew if you didn’t say anything it was because it was not meant to be shared with anyone else, even Gale. Damn. If you needed anyone to support your fake relationship it was Gale. He was popular enough at school people would agree with whatever he said, and you could only assume his character extended to the people he worked with in the mines. You knew this was easier said than done. Gale was no fan of showing any kind of performance for the Capitol, and he’d be less likely to support anything with a career. You had to convince Katniss what you were doing was real, or real enough so she could convince him to play nice for the cameras.

After collecting some strawberries with Madge while Katniss shot some wild turkeys it was time to head back. Checking any snares on the way back. A few rabbits to add to the pile. This would be a good haul for Katniss and Gale’s families. Madge split off first, paying Katniss for the strawberries, though she was met with some resistance.

“You picked those yourself Madge.”

“Its for being protection out there. I don’t plan on going out there by myself.” She pressed the money into her hands and walked off before Katniss could argue farther.

“She makes a good point.” You offer

“It feels like I haven’t earned it.”

“Believe me you earned it.” Katniss’s lips twitched ever so slightly, the closest you usually get to a smile. “Going to trade the turkeys?”

She nodded and the two of you headed towards the hob. Stopping to drop the two rabbits off at Hazels, and one at her own home. You let her do her usual trading done, while you eat buy you both some food from Greasy Sae.

“So where are you hiding your mentor?”

“You brought Cato here?”

You smile at the older woman, “I did, he said it was some of the best food he’s ever tasted. He’ll be so upset I didn’t bring him.”

You wink at Sae and she chuckles before going back to her business, Katniss is analyzing your words. Unsure of what to make of everything, you’re sure. She doesn’t ask any other questions and you start to worry about whether she would say anything else. You both eat in silence, only thanking Greasy Sae when you both finish.

“Are you going to see your mom today?”

“Sure.” Thank god, you think. Katniss waits for the two of you to be completely alone in front of your house before she speaks.

“Do I need to know something?”

“What? Why?”

“You brought a career into the hob? They aren’t welcome there.”

“It was just Cato. And they all seemed fine with him there. Relax.”

“Y/n. He’s still a career. People are going to talk.” That’s the point. They need to keep talking. Not only to sell the act you’re about to perform this next year but to start changing how they see the careers. Something besides from vicious killers and nothing more.

“Talk about what? Cato is a friend. I showed him somewhere he was curious about”

“Right. Which victor was with you when you decided to watch a movie?”

“What’s your point, Katniss?”

“You two are just…close.”

“Yeah we’re both responsible for 23 kids not being able to come back home.” You didn’t intend for the words to come out so harshly. You can tell Katniss recoils at the words, “Its not like hunting animals. Nothing like it at all. I still cant stop thinking about…everything. And its just easier to have someone who understands it. Have you and Gale ever talked about it?”

“…No.” And just like that, you know you’ve at least gotten your point across. “I never thought it would be the same.”

“I know. Gale did. And I get the thought process, but the aftermath… anyways. How is he doing with his new job?”

“Okay I guess. I don’t think it would be easy to go down there.”

“Yeah I couldn’t either.”

“Are you going to come hunting on Sunday?”

“Isn’t Sundays a you and Gale thing?”

Her cheeks go red. “It would be fine.”

It would clearly not be fine. “Just this one Sunday? And then I don’t have to again right?”

“It might have gotten better.” She offered

“I don’t want to find out.”

“Then it can just be this one Sunday.”

You smile at her as she stands to go back home. You hesitate to enter your old home but you need to find out exactly what Mallory and Amal talked to them about. You force yourself to take a deep breath and knock on the door. The door flies open, almost taking out your mother as it swings back.

“Finally. You need to tell us exactly what’s going on.”

You told them nothing. The visit started out fine enough. Your brothers had been relatively quiet. Saying the victors had been called to teach you how to do interviews for the victory tour, which was true, and so that you would know what to expect from the capitol, also true. But your brothers had left too much out, your mother knew there was more you were hiding from her. She had no idea about the sponsors. You felt yourself relax. You assured her that was all they were here for. Your father sat staring daggers at you, probably sure you were lying and not as willing as your mother had been to accept your reassurances. Then everything became blurry. Your mother went from curious to irritated at not being able to get it together before they came here. Not showing a good image of a proper victor. She started yelling about falling asleep next to Cato when he had been sick. Started wondering about how I was suddenly fixed. Then the yelling became a little more noticeable when she got in front of your glazed over eyes. You blinked and heard your father complaining about you were conveniently choosing to not be present in important family matters. You glanced at the old clock hanging on the wall, and decided it had been a long enough day and stood up to leave.

You could hear the sounds coming from their mouths, but the noises didn’t register as anything in your brain. You walked numbly back home. Still not quite able to hear anything as you walked back in your house. You half recognized someone calling your name from the kitchen. You kept walking to your room, you saw Cato’s head turn back to look at you as you passed the living room. You continued walking. You were barely at the top of the steps before you felt someone grab your arm. Mallory is trying to say something to you, you think. Your thoughts, while still foggy, begin to react to your senses. You look at your hand for too long. You know you’re blinking too slowly, but your body does not seem to be in your control. The words ‘I’m fine,’ sound foreign coming out of your mouth. The only thing that feels natural is pulling your hand away and entering your room.

You don’t make it to your bed. You collapse a few feet in. At least your body seemed to know to at least make it the soft rug. You allow your body to sink into the floor, slowly, so slowly turning to the side. You bring your knees into your chest, and look straight ahead. Trying to find anything to ground you.

You left the window open…You took deep breaths by the window earlier…Did that work? It feels like ages ago…You force yourself back onto your hands and knees. Then focus on being able to kneel. One leg at a time…Why was this so much work?

You make it to the window eventually. The air offers some relief. You cant keeping blacking out like this. What if you zone out during the victory tour? The thought turns your stomach into knots, but its enough to somewhat snap you out of whatever fog had enveloped you this morning. When you open the door you find Cato sitting on the ground, maybe keeping watch. Guilt runs over you for worrying everyone. For not being able to hide it. He offers a half smile and you feign one back, pointing your head towards the direction of the stairs, silently asking him to follow you. He doesn’t hesitate to stand up and follow. The house feels empty… You open the door to your house and sit on the steps, you need to be outside. Realistically, you need to be out in the woods, but you cant…not yet.

“How bad was it?” You ask when he sits next to you

“Not great…” he admits, “Your brother looked pissed, he left right after you locked yourself in your room. Everyone else is with Haymitch.”

“They’re worried I’ll mess everything up during the tour.”

“Yeah.” You appreciated his honesty, it made it easier to not dance around the subject. He wouldn’t offer up most of his thoughts, but he didn’t hide them when asked. Made it easier to figure out how much you needed to work on.

“Do you think I can do this?”

“Yes.”

“Honestly?”

“Yes. You were scared before your interviews when you started the games, right? When you’re going through it, it’ll be different.”

It has to be, you think. You know he’s right. You weren’t fighting right now. You were what? Surviving? No, more like running, or hiding. Avoiding the scary things. When you couldn’t run, couldn’t hide…would you be able to pull it off? You had to.

“What did I miss today?”

His face twists ever so slightly, “I don’t think today is a good day to talk about it.”

“I cant avoid this forever. I have less than five months.”

“Effie sent tapes, and…cards. They wanted to work on the speeches you’ll give on tour.” You stop breathing. Trying to find words to say. Trying to find any response other than the words that are threatening to come out once again, I cant. But you have to, another voice says. You force your lungs to take another breath, when you are back to as normal as you can get, he continues, “Theres a generic speech Effie has prepared for most of the tributes. But for…some of them you may want to make a separate speech.”

He means Rue and Thresh… and Peeta. You think about some of the other tributes, then realize the rest of Panem only saw you responsible for their deaths. Not the training center, or discussing possible alliances. That was your weight to carry, no one else’s.

“Y/n?”

“Lets go see Haymitch. I have some memorizing to do.” You can tell he wants to protest, maybe suggest waiting one more day. Still, he ends up nodding and when he stands offers to help you up. You take his hand for the split second it takes to stand up, and try not to think about how you wished he would hold it the entirety of the short walk over.

The house is silent when you walk in. You’re still surprised how thoroughly Brutus has gone through this place. They all tentatively meet you at the entryway. Haymitch looks you over for a couple seconds before putting his arm on your shoulder and nods his head, you nod your head a few times to tell him you’re fine. He pats your shoulder and you follow him into his own living area.

“So, I hear you guys have the speech I need to memorize.” You say when you sit down

“We can start tomorrow.” Enobaria says

“No. Time is running out, and we still have to worry about making the people here believe there is something happening between me and Cato. I don’t have anytime to waste. I need to be able to at least do this speech in my sleep.”

Haymitch again stares for a little and then hands you the cards. Overall, it shouldn’t be too difficult. But you know you’re going to have something prepared for District 11 and 12. That could wait. Effie spared no expense of praise for the Capitol. Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever…ugh. Well, at least this would help convince Snow you wanted to play along with whatever he wanted you to do. To a point, anyway.

“Okay, I’ll go memorize this now. Anything else?”

“We need to get you two out more. Start building up the romance. So maybe we can go out as a group. A tour, maybe somewhere with music…start there.” Cashmere states

Music? In 12? It would have to be in the square, there’s simply not enough time to dance around like the Capitol parties. But maybe in the better part of 12, they sometimes had people bring out flutes, fiddles, stuff like that. No those are for holidays, and we wouldnt have another one of those for a few months. Then there was the hob. But techincally those get togethers are very much against the rules, not like most peacekeepers care too much around here. But that many victors could draw unwanted attention. You would have to find the right time, figure out how to ask without raising suspicion. If you or Haymitch asked, your ruse would go up in flames immediately. You think of Madge, she could know, but again, you cant ask her. Katniss though…she could figure out how to ask the question. Our brothers were out of the question, Amal was the worst liar, and Mallory was terrible at keeping anything from him. Though, like Katniss, he would probably figure it out too.

“Got it,” you say, “I’ll figure out how to get us out in the public eye here. I’ll be back soon.”

“And just where the hell are you going?”

“Brutus, relax.” Enobaria tries

“We’ve already wasted a whole day. This is going to end badly for all of us.”

“I need to figure out how to set up times for us to get seen together, and I cant just go out and ask. It would be obvious. I need to figure out who to ask and how to do it without anyone knowing about our plans. My family cant know anymore. Mallory will figure it out on his own. Later. He needs to believe this as much as Snow does. I’ll be back.”

Whatever courage you had diminished the second you exited the house. The sun was beginning to set, and you needed to get your plan in motion. You walked as fast as you could without attracting any attention. Knocking entirely too loudly.

Katniss opened the door and immediately sits in front of the door closing it as quietly as she can to avoid her family listening in. You both whisper as quietly as you can regardless.

“You know if Peeta had made it out, I wouldn’t have to worry about visiting any sponsors.” Katniss squints her eyes analyzing every word, “I mean I could have played along with the whole romance act. The capitol would never split up a couple by asking favors of them.”

“Interesting.” She nods, fully taking in what you’re telling her.

“Anyway, I really want to take the victors to hear some music. I just don’t know who to ask…”

“Madge maybe. Or she would know how to find out.”

“Yeah. I don’t know her like that though.” She takes a deep breath. Hating what I was asking of her.

“Okay. Hey, I think I am going to her house tomorrow to try and learn piano. You’re probably busy, right?”

“Yeah. I wanted to hear her play again too.” Katniss chuckles at your sarcasm

“I have to make sure Prim eats. I’ll see you in a few days?”

“Sounds good.” You squeeze her hand in a thank you and she nods before heading back inside. Your stomach growls at the reminder that you haven’t eaten since this morning. You trudge back, still ashamed of your inability to handle the tiniest stressors. Your parents yelling wasn’t new, but you had never been unable to defend yourself. It was as if being in the games had made everything feel so much worse, more…intense. Made you weak. And you no longer had the energy to deal with it. Brutus was right. It wasn’t just my life anymore. Cato, Haymitch, and the others…they could all suffer because of me.

At some point your brothers ran up behind you. You must nave been moving slower than you thought.

“Did you eat yet?” You ask them

“No. You?’ Mallory replies

“Nope. Anything you guys in the mood for?”

“Anything works.” Mallory replies, Amal is quiet and you can only imagine the conversations they inserted themselves into at home. “We can make something this time.”

“I don’t mind—” you start

“I want to make something.” Amal interrupts.

“Okay.” After a few moments of silence you start again, “I’m sorry if I freaked you guys out. “

“Its fine, It wasn’t as bad this time.” Amal says, Mallory nudges him probably trying to not worry you again. It goes over his head, “What?”

You chuckle, you wish the older of the two would be as honest as Amal. It helped you remember to not take things so seriously, “Good. I’ll try and get the time down to a few minutes.”

They both smile and they begin to talk about how much they have learned from the other victors. You are glad they are enjoying the company until Mallory mentions wanting to ask Brutus about tips. Just in case he gets reaped he says. You know its likely they get called, its happened before, family members from victors who had become capitol favorites. With all the commotion you caused. You realize its likely your brothers had a high chance of going in. The upcoming quell… your brother wasn’t an idiot. Its been theorized the Capitol has rigged certain reapings, Haymitch has no one left, but you? It may not be the worst idea. And you certainly couldn’t help him. You would worry too much, in fact the conversation turns your stomach to lead. Suddenly, food held no interest to you. Still, you have to be rational. Cato’s advice saved your life, if Mallory is put in this position… Brutus might save his.

“I think Brutus might appreciate the distraction, if he won’t Cashmere will.” You keep your voice even, but your heart feels like its shattering at the thought of having to become a mentor. Playing along with the sponsors may not be such a bad idea. If it keeps Mallory out of the games. That’s what they said Finnick does, right? You would have to talk to Cato again. You knew if you told either sibling they would tell you to not go back on the original plan. Which is probably why he’s is preparing to go in. So many people willing to put themselves in harms way when you could just play along. You’re from 12, after all maybe in a few years time they would all but forget you.

When you enter your home you’re almost overwhelmed by the smells coming from the kitchen. Amal and Mallory run in ready to help. Enobaria greets them, and they continue talking. Most of it goes in one ear and out the other. You smile to greet Enobaria and Cashmere, but when you meet Cato’s eyes you know he can tell somethings up. He points his head toward the living room and you nod and sneak away. He meets you on the couch, bringing some water and a plate of fruit.

“What happened?” He asks immediately. He sits next to you, which was better because you didn’t want anyone to hear.

“Mallory. I’m so stupid, Cato. If we do this…he’s going to get reaped. I know it. I was right before, I volunteered for nothing. If I had just eaten the stupid berries before Peeta could say anything. They’d be safe. I’ve ruined everything… I—”

Cato brings you into him and you decide you don’t care if its for pity or what. You allow him to comfort you. No tears come just a general sense of hopelessness.

“We’ll figure it out,” he breaks okay and fand positions himself to look at you, “We’ll figure it out, okay? I promise.”

You nod. He tries to hand you the glass of water but your hands are shaking. He holds one hand to help you drink and when you finish puts the plate on your lap. You notice he gives you some space, and you find yourself hating it. You manage to force a few pieces of fruit down when the rest of the house comes in.

“There you two are!” Cashmere floats down and hands you another plate, you smile and try and eat as much as you can stomach. Enobaria asks about the upcoming school year, who the younger ones talk to, their favorite things to do. They both answer, and ask their own questions in return. I’m grateful for the distraction and by the end of the night you find yourself smiling, you find out Amal has been picking things up from Prim. Wants to figure out how to be a doctor, Mallory isn’t exactly sure as he thinks he will just work in the mine. Cashmere pushes and he tells them about drawing when he is bored but nothing else really coming to mind. Both of the female victors encourage them, saying that with your help anything is possible now. You encourage them too after a while, you've realized most people accept what they were born into in 12. The bright side of being a victor is you could give them a chance. A real chance. If you don’t get them killed first.

Cato helps Cashmere collect everything. You know he is likely telling her exactly what is concerning you. You hate going back and forth on this. Making things even harder. Everyone eventually disperses, you try to relax with a bath but you decide its not working and just clean up quickly. After pacing around for a bit you decide to go back down. You sit on the living room and turn on the tv, hoping something will put you to sleep.

Why isn’t it working? You’re staring at the screen for over an hour when you hear footsteps coming down. You don’t move, you know who is coming to join you.

“Cant sleep?”

“Nope.” You smile up at him, “Care to join me?”

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not. I enjoy the company.” You wonder if you’ve been so closed off for him to still think you dislike him. Maybe he actually wants you to leave. He always seems surprised when you seem to want his company at all. Then again, you’ve been going back and forth on the plan you agreed with since the beginning, why wouldn’t he think you don’t want him around.

“What are you watching?” He asks as he sits on the seat adjacent to yours, you try not to let your face show your disappointment

“A movie from the capitol, the acting is pretty bad so its no wonder they believe whatever the tributes sell to them. Its almost done I think, do you want to pick something?” He shakes his head and you flip through until you find another movie you don’t care to watch. You tell yourself its background noise, and after a while your eye lids get heavy.

Images of the cornucopia appear, drops of water dripping onto the makeshift cave you hid in with Peeta, the snares you’d so carefully hidden in the underbrush, the buzz of the tracker jacker nests, Glimmer’s…screams…? Suddenly you’re running, you think you hear her scream for help when the swarm of tracker jackers descend upon you. You’re on the floor and Glimmer’s disfigured body is facing you, her eyes glazed over yet full of hate and blame. Her lips release a raspy voice not belonging to anyone in particular, no it wasn’t her voice… it was multiple voices. They all hiss together in a bone chilling, raspy harmony…

You…

Did…

This…

To ussss…

Your body shoots up and you’re unsure if that last scream was another part of your dream or your own voice. You violently pat your body to check for the stings of the of tracker jackers. Only when you’re sure nothing has happened do you allow yourself to check your surroundings of the room. There is still a dull murmur coming from the tv and you curse yourself for thinking it would be an easy solution to aide in your sleep. Whatever happened last night…it didn’t matter. It was a mistake. The clock is ticking…only a little past one in the morning. You look over at Cato’s chair, he isn’t faring much better. He had tried to get comfortable but his position was anything but. He is mumbling something under his breath, his eyes are squeezed tight and his hands appear to be clutching the hair by his ears, effectively covering them. If it didn’t look like he was about to crush his own skull you might have left him alone. That would be what he would tell you to do, to leave him. Well. You’ve never been the best at following directions.

You put your hand on his. The one closest to you. His body freezes, you wait a few seconds to allow him to figure out where he is and, as delicately as you can, you pull one of his hands away from his. You focus on his breathing, short and shallow. You pat the hand you’re holding when you bring a good enough distance away from his face and go into the kitchen to get him a cup of water. When you come back he still seems somewhat disoriented, aside from his hands he hasn’t moved. You push the water into his hand until he takes it. He blinks slowly, and takes a few sips. You carefully take the cup back and place it on the table, not moving from your spot on the ground.

“Did I wake you?” He asks after a few beats of silence, and you quickly shake your head

“I woke up from a dream of my own actually.” He nods and slumps to the floor next to you, you notice he begins fidgeting with the small beaded bracelet you had gotten him, and wonder if whatever he was dreaming about continues to haunt him. You can only hope he says anything to drown out that disturbing cadence of whispers echoing in your mind.

“Do you want me to keep watch again? I don’t think I want to sleep right now.” He asks quietly

And I do? The thought makes you smile but you just shake your head at his proposal, “I don’t think I can either. How bad is our schedule tomorrow?”

“They probably have more debriefing, the interview tapes have come in.”

“Great.” You scoff, “I guess we have no choice but to try and sleep again.”

Glimmers disfigured face pops back into your head and you shudder, not in any way excited to see who you’ll see when you close your eyes. Cato stands and turns the tv back on. He offers a sad smile and holds his hand out. You take it knowing full well what his plan is. The tv goes back on and you sit next to each other this time, both trying to focus to blur any remaining memories of your nightmares. The next time you succumb to your fatigue the nightmares stay away. And just like that you both silently agree to continue the process. Both finding excuses from then on to come downstairs and turn the stupid tv on. One of you always waking up before the other and sneaking back into your room to get ready before the rest of the house woke up. By Sunday, you felt rested but your neck really hurt. Katniss’s knock woke you up that day.

“Just wondering if you were still coming.” Gale stood a good distance behind her but nodded in your direction which you returned.

“I have to get ready but yeah one second.” When you close the door Cato is already awake, leaning against the wall.

“You think you’re ready?” It was an innocent question that you only wish you knew the answer to. You had met up with Katniss a few more times this week, but today felt ominous. You suddenly felt like everyone else who avoided the woods. Terrified, like you would have to keep watch for the safety of the fence line.

“I guess I’ll find out.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Are you sure?” He gave a singular nod and told you he was going to go get ready. You stood there in shock for a few seconds before rushing to do the same. You debated starting the whole romance thing now but you decide its better to not overfill your plate. You are a bit surprised Gale and Katniss say nothing when Cato comes out with you. You wonder if Katniss has caught on and whether she’s said anything to her favorite hunting partner.

The walk to the meadow is mostly silent until you offer food for everyone to eat before heading in. But that’s silent too. Everyone’s guards are up. Everyone worried about mine and Cato’s reactions. Including myself and Cato.

Gale seems to liven up in the forest, his footstep soundlessly picking up the pace. You all follow closely behind.

“Alright Y/n, easy pickings.” He points towards some wild turkey.

“I don’t know…”

“You’ve got this.” He hands you one of the bow and arrows made by Katniss’s father. You look to her for permission before even placing your hand on it. But the second you touch the weapon your hands start shaking.

“Y/n, if you’re not ready…” Cato starts but Gale interrupts suddenly agitated

“She’ll be fine. The woods are all she knows, right? She cant be scared of the one good thing about this place.” Cato doesn’t respond, you squeeze his arm and he nods. You barely have the strength to draw the arrow back and your muscles are screaming. You’re weaker than you anticipated. You take a deep breath and aim in the general direction of the bird, but the second you release the arrow the only thing you see is Marvel.

The Marvel you see staggers back, blood pouring from his mouth. You hear yourself scream and step back almost falling into a tree. Cato’s hands grab each of your arms, “NO! Please…”

“Its not real. You’re not in the games. You’re safe…” He says in your ear but his voice is shaky. You have to blink a few times before you nod. You hand the bow back to Gale.

“I��m sorry.”

“Its fine. You can try again, it will get better.” He holds out the bow but you step back

“Gale..” Katniss warns him, Cato pushes me behind him as he turns to look at her

“She just needs to get used to it.”

“She said no.” Cato says firmly

“You don’t get it. She belongs out here. You don’t. She needs to be able to come out here, even if she doesn’t hunt anymore. The games aren’t going to ruin that for her.”

They’ve already ruined it, you think. “Its going to take time. She has to see everyone again in a few months. She can decide when she’s ready.”

Gale steps forward, “Y/n, come on. We’re going to keep moving.”

“Back. off.” Cato growls but Gale keeps moving forward and you react before he figures out whats happening. Gale had pointed the bow in Cato’s direction, and its like something takes over him immediately. His entire body shifts into a position you remember in the training center. From Arioch…

“Or what?” He starts

His name comes out as a warning, to no one but yourself, “Cato…”

Time seems to slow down, this time, its you who has to let Cato know hes safe. You rush to get in front of him, grabbing for his hand reaching for the knife hidden away. A stupid decision on your part because you come from the bottom up so you feel the sting before fully realizing the blood dripping down your arm as fail to stop his arm from pulling it out from across his body. This is what he knows. You stare him down with one hand useless, and the other on his arm with the knife. You think you hear one of them pull the arrow back. Idiots. This can only make things worse. His other hand grabs the one holding onto his arm, preventing him from either throwing or hunting them down. The other arm has seeped through your shirt and is bleeding onto the ground ever so slowly, like the ticking of a clock.

Drip

“Put the weapons down!” You yell at everyone. Scaring off any prey they were hoping of catching. Cato looks furious but he blinks at you as if he is trying to figure out what part of his games you’re form.

Drip. Drip.

“Katniss, Gale. Go.”

“Y/n…”

“But—”

“Now!” You can hear the footstep receding. You’re sure they wont be going far so you have to make this quick. His grip on your arm tightens and you struggle not to cry out. But you had to make sure he thinks of little of his games as possible. Right?

Drip…

“You said we were allies. We aren’t done here.” More blinking. When this is over you’ll have to remember to thank him for giving you the answer to this very problem. You avoid saying anything about the actual games. “We’re safe. You’re safe.”

His eyes squeeze shut as he tries to slow his fast and heavy breathing. The hand with the knife going up his head, pressing against it. He forcefully lets go, and you let out a squeak of surprise as you fall onto the ground. Both arms have gone up to his head, trying to silence voices you will never hear. You stay on the ground so as to not disturb him, hoping he comes back to you on his own. Whatever he tries to block out elicits a small groan of his own as he falls on his knees. His hands never leaving the sides of his head as he continues to try and quiet the nightmares I forced him to see by coming out here. You place a shaky hand on his shoulder, and his body stiffens. His head slowly looks up at yours.

“You’re okay.” You whisper, as if speaking loudly would ruin any progress, “Everything's okay.”

His head scans the area and when he looks back you his eyes widen again, his breathing quickening. “Oh my god.”

You don’t have to follow his eyes to know what hes looking at, “I’m fine. It was my fault.”

His hands turn your forearm to face him, really the scratch wasn’t very deep. Long maybe, but really it would heal quickly. The bleeding had mostly stopped anyway. He lifts the t-shirt sleeve up to where your cut is completely exposed. Cinna probably had some kind of scar cream, you weren’t worried about it. Cato shakily grabs the bag you had set down when you had tried to shoot the arrow, fumbling until he finds what hes looking for. A small red box. You realize it’s a first aid kit, he grabs the water bottle you’d brought as well and begins pouring water on your wound. Your arm twitches when the water first contacts you and Cato winces.

“Sorry.” He mumbles not making eye contact

“Its fine Cato, really.”

“Its not.” He says sternly. He places a type of pad on your arm and begins bandaging. You only try to speak when he’s almost finished

“Cato. This wasn’t your fault. I grabbed the knife wrong. This is on me.”

“Y/n. Stop.”

“No. You cant even look at me. This is not your faul—”

“I shouldn’t have come out here. I knew I wasn’t ready.”

“I wasn—”

“You were right. This is a mistake.” He begins to stand up again

“Cato, wait—” You scramble to catch up to him, but before your arm even reaches out he snaps at you

“No Y/n. This should have never happened. I could have killed you! We will stick to public appearances, the rest of the time you need to stay away from me.”

For some reason this infuriates you. “What are you talking about? No. You said we would do this together. You cant back out now.”

He turns around just as furious, “You’ve been backing out almost every day! Why does it matter if I do it??”

A valid point. You weren’t sure why you were fighting so hard for him to not back out but it suddenly sounded unacceptable. Especially not out of guilt, “Beca—”

“I told you I was dangerous! I told you to use the sedative if you needed to. How could you not bring it??? Do you not understand how easily I could have killed you? Do you know what that would have don—Do you think I could live with myself?” He takes a deep breath, trying to lower his voice. It was the loudest you had ever heard him, certainly. Guilt gnawing at you for not realizing how all of this could have undone any progress, how he could have been punished.. all because you couldn’t shoot a damn arrow. Anger also fights for the dominant spot in your mind, you were the one who just de-escalated everything. Your silence seems to soften him and you know it's only because he's once again, sure he's terrified you.

“Look. Just—Make sure you start bringing the sedative. I’m serious. For your own sake—”

He lets out an exasperated sigh of disbelief as you hold your palm out. The sedative pen still capped facing him.

Cato’s POV

She had it this entire time? Why didn’t she use it? Did she forget? How could she forget? You stood there staring as she held her hand out. Unsure of what to do , what to say. You had just screamed at the person who stopped you from hurting anyone. Who had hurt herself in order to give you the chance to stop. Who had somehow managed to distract you enough to realize you were slipping back into your games. You couldn’t face her as you bandaged her arm, and now you felt like you couldn’t stop staring, trying to figure out why she wouldn’t immediately use that on you.

It was her turn to be angry, but instead of saying anything she grabbed your hand and forced the pen into it before heading back home.

You could only stand there for a minute before you chased after her. You caught up relatively soon, “Y/n?”

When she says nothing. You decide to keep your mouth shut. The walk back is tense she lets the door almost close on you and you aren’t surprised to hear the door slam. You’re thankful no one seems to be home. You know her brothers are at her parents, and Enobaria and Cashmere said they wanted to talk to Haymitch about the public appearances they want to start up. You decide to go over there just to let them know you’re both back.

“So, how’d it go?”

“Could’ve gone better.” Is all you say as you walk back out. The rest of your day is you hiding in your room. You go out to make yourself a quick lunch. You’re pretty sure Y/n hasn’t come down so you leave a plate of food at her door and knock before running back down to your room. You pace, read, lay down, repeat. You only come out when Enobaria calls you down to eat again. You ask if Y/n has said anything to her but Enobaria says she was worn out from trying all of that today. You wonder if the cut on her arm came up.

“Cato. Is everything okay?” She crosses her arms as she watches you eat. You take one more bite and toss your fork down. You needed today to be over. You can overthink by yourself.

“Yeah. Everything’s great.” You grab your plate and toss everything in the trash. Something people here probably wouldn’t be very fond of but its beyond you to care right now. You can feel Enobaria looking at you but she doesn’t follow. You go into your room and turn the lights off so hopefully, everyone assumes you’re asleep and leaves you alone. You cant sleep. In fact, you know you wont be able to sleep since the only decent sleep you’ve gotten in over a year has been with y/n when you pretend to watch the tv. Really, its probably your brain telling you that you two are watching each other’s backs, but it doesn’t matter. You doubt you could trust anyone else like that.

You replay today’s events for the millionth time. She must have been terrified. And then on top of everything you go and yell at her. She could have yelled back but the only time she even sounded slightly annoyed was when you said doing the whole romance thing may not be a good idea. Isn’t that what she wanted? Was it the way I said it? You hold the pillow over your head for a few minutes before throwing it to the floor out in annoyance. Just fall asleep. Fall asleep. You tell yourself you deserve any nightmares that come to you but sleep refuses to make an appearance. Probably because you were ridden with guilt and disgust. You decided to go apologize. You went down the hall where Y/n’s room was hidden away, you hear Cashmere and Enobaria talking in the distant kitchen. As you raise your arm to knock, the door swings open.

The two of you are stand once again, motionless. With nothing in her hands, you wonder if she had an idea similar to yours. You open your mouth to start apologizing but she shakes her head and steps out of your way. Allowing for you to enter her room. You tell yourself you’ll apologize properly and then leave her alone. She probably just wants to keep todays events hidden, better to curb any more fears about this plan’s already fragile state. When she quietly closes the door behind you try to speak before she once again cuts off your apology by wrapping her arms around you. You freeze, waiting for your living nightmares to resurface but when they don’t come, you return the embrace. A warmth radiating deep in the cold recesses of your heart.

“I’m sorry.” She says softly

You immediately step back, “No. That’s what I should be saying. I was the one who wanted to go, I was the one who hurt you, I was the one that yelled. I’m…I’m sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have freaked out like that. I knew I wasn’t ready.” You bring her towards you again and try not to notice the smell of her hair, still somewhat damp from a fresh bath.

“Can I check?” She sighs but holds her arm out. You feel relief upon realizing how shallow the cut was. You quickly leave her room for more supplies and sneak back as quietly as possible. You both sit on her bed and you begin. You work carefully. Quietly. She says nothing until you put the healing ointment over the scratch.

“I told you it wasn’t that bad.” She tries to joke but you’re struggling to understand why had to put herself in this position in the first place.

“Why didn’t you use it?”

“I didn’t need to.”

“Y/n…”

“You know when I blew up all of the supplies in the cornucopia and everyone ran back…Arioch was so mad he snapped the boy from three’s neck. It was less than a second and Elias was dead. On the ground. You could have done the same the second I grabbed the knife. You stopped yourself. I didn’t have to do anything.”

“I could have still killed you, before all of that.”

“I guess.”

“You cant guess Y/n.”

“Honestly if you really thought you were in the games and you thought the three of us were working together you would have either gone for the person most dangerous to you, which wasn’t me and would have given me time to use it. Or you would have used me as a bargaining tool, and I still would have been able to use it. So, drop it.” Her voice gets short and you decide to listen, trying to not get into your head again. She sighs and lowers her tone, still grumbling at the thought of it.

“I shouldn’t have hid behind you and I should have told Gale off myself. I would have had a better chance at either grabbing the knife or deescalating the situation.”

You cant help yourself. The thought of her putting the blame on herself is ludicrous and you cant accept it, “I shouldn’t have gone at all.”

“I wanted you to come. I would have asked you to anyway.” She says it so softly you aren’t sure you heard her right. You don’t say anything more as you finish rebandaging her. “I’m tired.”

You tell yourself you promised you would leave her alone so you just nod and say “Okay.”

You shift to stand up and leave but she grabs your wrist, “Can you stay?”

“Okay.” You find yourself unable to say anything else at the moment. You down move from your seat on her bed as she lays down. Your throat suddenly feels very dry. You feel as if you’re breaking some kind of rule from the agreement you both had made, which is ridiculous since you had been accidentally sleeping together when you would watch tv. It was just easier to fall asleep that way. You try going over possible interview questions in your head but absentmindedly fidget with the bracelet which gets her attention. She leans over enough to place her hand on your back causing you to jump.

“You should get some sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Do you plan on keeping your knife under the pillows?” You shake your head and she smiles, “Then yeah, as long as your comfortable with it.”

She scoots over and you lay next to her. Neither of you fall asleep right away and you try and see if she wants to talk about what happened before she stepped in front of you. “Can I ask you something?”

She turns to her side to face you, you try and resist the urge to get closer and just turn your head to her direction staying on your back. “What is it?”

“What did you see?”

She goes unnaturally still, you want to tell her to forget about it but she decides to answer, “Marvel.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” She turns onto her back and looks up as she recounts her time in the games, “You saw the games. I missed.”

“I thought you hit him.”

“I did. But I waited too long and I ended hitting a lung…I was so mad. I was going to watch him suffer for the net. For throwing his spear. He told me to finish. To kill him. When I pulled the knife out I held onto his hand as I plunged my knife into him. I felt his hand go limp in mine. I see his death all the time. Then I run away. In every dream I run, and it doesn’t matter what direction I run I always end up seeing Rue. Struggling to breathe. I didn’t even know she was hit right away.”

“Y/n you couldn’t have saved her.”

“If I hadn’t hesitated I would have. She would have won. I would have made sure of it.” You don’t like what she’s implying but you say nothing, knowing theres more to be said, “Almost everyone else’s death I see like I was watching the games from home. But Marvel and Rue…and Glimmer sometimes. They don’t ever go away. It also sucks because I saw Thresh die the same way everyone else did and I feel bad he doesn't bother me as much.”

She doesn’t turn to face you but you can see tears beginning to form so you reach out and grab her hand. She returns the gesture, intertwining her hand in yours. She finally turns to look at you, but she is too tired to even try and pretend its okay. It isn’t. And it doesn’t get better. But its only fair you tell her your side of things too.

“I see everyone. Whether I killed them or not. I see myself killing them, not being able to stop. Then I hear them. Their families. Calling me a monster. I try to say I cant stop but I can never speak.”

She squeezes your hand. You have others, sometimes its all of the training methods you had in 2. Others are when you are begging to call your family so you can go home, then the voices from the games merge into those too. You turn to face her and she lets go of your hand to turn. She begins to get close. Too close. Shes above you, resting on her elbow you feel her other hand reach up. A finger traces your brow, her thumb gently wiping a tear you weren’t aware had spilled.

“You aren’t a monster. Okay?”

You cant help yourself. You don’t let her let go of your face. You don’t want to let her go at all. So you don’t. With your free arm you bring her as close as you can and hold her. Tired of pretending you weren’t constantly craving her presence. Her touch. You only let go of her hand to put your own in her hair as you pulled her into you. She doesn’t protest. She continues to lean in eventually letting her lips rest on yours ever so gently. Her lips were soft and warm. You could feel them slightly part as she let out a slight gasp. It was as easy as breathing. When you both pull away, you feel like its too soon. You know that you are only entangling yourself into a potentially dangerous situation with the capitol. You had something to lose now. As she stared at you with the same realization you realized you didn’t care. You had something to lose, yes, but you also finally had something to lose. You didn’t want her to worry, you just brought her into you again. Letting her head rest on your chest. Knowing sleep would come easily. You run your hand up and her back and you feel her thumb going back and forth on your chest. Her hand stops moving first, you aren’t sure when your eyes close. All you know is for the first time you feel at peace, nothing gnawing at the back of your mind. No dreading about waking up and doing it all over again.

When you do wake up its anything but peaceful. You both hear the urgent knocking and sit up immediately. You both share a look and you move to the other end of the bed. Pretending you were simply keeping watch.

“Come in.” Y/n says groggily

“What is he doing here? What are you doing here?? What happened to your arm?” Enobaria sounded confused. Furious.

“I still couldn’t sleep. So, I asked him to keep watch and alternate with me. But I fell asleep on my turn.” Y/n, you’ve noticed is only exceptional at lying when it involves someone else. “Sorry. I thought I was getting better?”

“And your arm?” Unfortunately for the two of you, Enobaria was not in way easy to convince. She crossed her arms as asked about Y/n’s injury.

“I got it when we went hunting yesterday. I freaked out and I was fumbling to grab my knife to protect myself. Cato bandaged me up and came to make sure it was healing okay last night. I asked him to stay. I was too embarrassed to say anything so I said I was tired and hid in here all day.”

“And why didn’t you mention this accident?” She starts asking you

You shrugged and tried to seem indifferent, “She asked me not to.”

“Y/n you need to at least get one more person to change shifts, its—” you see that shes struggling to find the words, but theres no real way around it, “its not safe. The flashbacks they don’t always show up in the most convenient times.”

Your head drops, and you can feel Y/n stare. You want to disagree with her but Enobaria is right. One nightmare and you could wake up in a place where Y/n isn’t Y/n at all. Just another person you cant unsee in the games.

“I trust him.”

She says it so easily, you want to believe her. Believe that you would never do anything to her. But you already had. “Y/n its better to be safe than sorry.”

“I trust him. Which is a good thing because at the end of this whole thing we’re going to have to end up together right? So does it matter if we help eachother out?”

Enobaria sighed, “Come on, we have a busy day.”

She leaves the room quickly. No doubt going to talk to Cashmere. You lift your head to look at Y/n, “Don’t.” She says

“Y/n. Shes not wron—”

“I said don’t.”

“I need a favor.”

“Cato…”

You take out the syringe and hold it out. “Please. Just to be safe. For me.”

The last line makes her flinch. She lets out an exasperated sigh and snatches the pen out of your hand. “I’m not going to use it.”

She leaves her room before you have a chance to respond. The words, ‘I know,’ stuck on your lips. You follow behind her and meet up in the kitchen with Enobaria and Cashmere. Enobaria still looks upset but Cashmere has a knowing grin on her face you desperately want to ignore. She slides you and Y/n a plate of food.

“Well before we do anything today, Y/n I suggest you go see your cousin. She came by to check on you already. I’m assuming since yesterday didn’t go so great?” Enobaria states

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Cato? You’re practicing interview questions with Brutus.”

“Why him?” You immediately protest

“Because he is going to pinpoint everything you need to work on and this needs to go perfectly.” There was no point in arguing with either of them. Especially when Enobaria was already on the verge on sending you over to Haymitch’s house.

“What about you guys?”

“Oh Haymitch is going to show us around a bit more.” Cashmere says, you and Y/n share a look. They’re planning something and you two are not to know about it. You both eat in silence until Y/n finishes and is promptly shooed out of the house. You mainly push the food around your plate. Avoiding the stares that felt like were burning holes into your body.

“Its good you two are comfortable with each other. It’s going to make things easier.” Cashmere starts

“Its also going to make things more difficult.” Enobaria grumbled, “This whole charade still might not work. You need to be careful. You both just got out of the games. You still technically need to be supervised.”

“The more believable the more the capitol will want them to get married and pick a district. Regardless of what they feel, they need to make the Capitol obsessed with them in a matter of two weeks for the victory tour. We can worry about the rest later.”

You stood up, not able to take anymore second guesses. You were already doing that yourself. “We just took shifts keeping watch. That’s it.”

You knew they were right but the thought of showing affection toward y/n like that when you still weren’t sure what you felt made you feel…gross. Like you would be forcing her to do things she wasn’t sure of, or didn’t want. This, of course, only worries you about last night. About whether she meant to kiss you, whether you did. Whether she wanted to, or did so out of pity.

You evaluate every action, dissect every movement until Brutus comes in. Working with him is almost unbearable and nearly impossible to get into camera mode. He refuses to make it easy. He starts by quizzing you on everything you and her wrote down, any hesitation would result in breaking character and yelling. You maintain at best a casual conversation, which gave you hope on how things would go with Caesar if it came to that. And you needed it to come to that.

“I still think this is a mistake.”

“I know.”

“You’re sure?”

More than anything, actually. “Yes.”

Brutus rolls his eyes and grunts in what you assume is disgust, but he continues with the questions. Y/n comes back with her brothers behind her and interrupts, “Its my turn, Cato.”

“I don’t have anything to ask you.” He dismisses her but Y/n doesn’t budge

“They asked you to question him because you would be the harshest judge. Its my turn.” She turns to you and asks if you can talk to her brothers, and simply nod and follow them into the kitchen. You hear her tell him he needs to really try so neither of them waste eachother’s time and you’re tempted to hang back and hear how it all plays out.

“So what happened yesterday?”

“Hm?” Mallory’s voice snaps you back and you wonder exactly how much shes told them. You only remember her demand to keep them out of it. “In the woods?”

“Yeah. How bad?”

“Not…great. She was doing okay until she tried to shoot an arrow. Then she remembered her games and was thrown off.”

“So, she did hurt herself trying to get the knife?”

“Yeah she thought she needed to grab it quickly and ended up fumbling it before she actually got a good grip on it.”

“Probably good you were there. She trusts you.” Amal pipes in. Guilt hits you like a train again. Mallory just nods but you’re sure he has more questions about what is happening around here. Around their sister. How were you all supposed to help her? How could he help her? Questions you can never answer. You ask more about the hob. Wondering if you could go there alone. Mallory doesn’t recommend it, most people in twelve even stray from trading there. Y/n comes in silently, sitting next to Amal. It was another obvious clue as to exactly how long she had survived in the woods. Her tread was soundless. Had she decided to simply outlive the others in the arena, you’re sure she could have done so.

“How did the interviews go?”

She shrugged, “I didn’t get much feedback. I’ll ask Enobaria later.”

Everyone decides to cook some food up for the two houses. Its seems like a simple breakfast food dish, but the smell that it creates makes you almost salivate. The others fill in as you all finish up. Mallory even has alcohol ready for Haymitch. He actually makes friendly conversation. They have fully accepted each other as family in one sense or another. You stop paying attention when you begin to eat. The voices all intermingle and you drown most of it out. Or you try to. Usually so many people around ends up making you nervous.

Brutus elbows you, forcing you to refocus. You only return his glare but listen to Cashmere as she calls out your name again, “You okay, Cato?”

“Sorry.” You mumble. “What did you say again?”

“Well, I’ve been tired of being cooped up here so I thought it might be nice to go out. I hear the music is completely different here. I was thinking Friday maybe? It would be nice for all of us to go. What do you think?”

Sounds miserable, but you know she’s beginning your public appearances. “Sure. Would be nice to get out of the house, see a different side to 12.”

Y/n smirks, “Tsk. Well, it wont be all that fancy but it is a fun time.”

“You’ve gone before?” You ask

“A few times. I did have some friends outside of my cousin.”

“Yeah, she used to sneak out to go dancing.” Mallory teases

She rolls her eyes, “I only went out a few times. Enjoying the little times I saw anyone that wasn’t strictly business. Besides, all of my old school mates treat me like I have the plague now. It could be good to try and show I havent changed all that much.”

Except she had, no one contradicts her but even she knows it. It was ridiculous of course, to think she only contained herself to the woods. She wasn’t forced to train for the games. But the thought of her missing her old life springs to your mind again. You listen to her stories. The music that is supposed to be banned plays on random days. No one trusts anyone with association with the capitol here, you wonder how she ended up getting the information. You think of your time at the hob. How everyone seemed to know one another. You wondered if she forced herself to buy things there just to gain their trust back. You thought about Darius and how he had kissed her, and you actively have to work to keep the scowl off of your face. You wondered if some of peacekeepers took shifts so as to not get anyone in any real trouble.

The rest of the day is a blur. Plans, conversations, nothing seems to stick out in your mind. You’re relieved when everyone disperses. And even more so when Y/n whispers for you to go to her whenever you can. You wait until you’re sure everyone has at least gone to their rooms before going to find her. You barely knock, terrified of being ordered to go sleep elsewhere.

“So what happened today?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You seem upset.”

“More worried.”

“Because of what Enobaria said this morning?”

“Mostly. This just…it doesn’t end you know? We’ll have to keep this up forever.”

“I know. Whatever happens we will need to prove to the Capitol we’re together. Could you do that? For that long?”

“Could you?”

“Yes.” You realize you were terrified of any other answer. You decide this cannot keep happening, the same conversation, the same worries making you doubt your plan. You can worry another day. You lay down next to her, ask her to get closer. You decide you wont try anything again. Not until you’re in front of the cameras. Just in case. But keeping eachother company you would allow. If only for your own sanity.

The days go on and Friday is upon you quickly. Y/n’s brothers go on ahead, making sure the music wouldn’t stop because of you and the rest of the victors presence. The group watches as the people dance around you. A few peacekeepers get visibly nervous but slowly let loose as well. Y/n makes small talk with some people around her, offering whatever money she has on her to several of the people who work at the hob. Some stands are still open and you find yourself buying a bracelet similar to yours. You rejoin the group for awhile, Y/n dances with her brothers once, and once with Darius. You try not to let that one bother you, especially since he asks several people to dance with him. She gets all of you to try the faster paced dance movements, Cashmere does exceptionally well. You... do not. You all sit and enjoy other people dancing when Cashmere nods to you. Now or never, you brace yourself as you lean over to whisper in Y/n’s ear.

‘I think its time.’ She smiles and nods and the two of you walk to the farther end of where people are sitting. Close enough plenty of eyes would be on you and far away enough it looks like you both want to speak privately. You take a deep breath, there's no going back now.

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Taglist: @chloe-skywalker @ietss @tomihoeka @chiimiki @akinatrix @inky-sun @themedsaintworkin @tiktoks-aphrodite @fredweasleysgirl16 @callsign-haze @thestrals-and-firewiskey @dreamsarenicer

#hunger games fic #hunger games #catching fire #mockingjay #tbosbas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #cato hunger games #hunger games cato #cato imagine #cato x reader

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kurishiri · 2 months ago

Note

As fellow translator (not ikemen series), who has been on tumblr for a while, I can empathize with you because my translation barely have comments or someone thanked me for tl. But, I don't want to think it deeply.

Perhaps, some people uncomfortable to interact with others or have social anxiety. Even tho behind each account we don't know each other and so on, people that having this type of anxiety will feel insecure when interacting with others. Some sort of question haunt them such as; (what is the response if I interact with other, are people accepting my comment, should I comment like this or like that—), and more disturbing question appear on their mind. Other than that, some people maybe facing social burn out. They want to interact with others post but they have reach their limit of interaction so they reblog/likes instead, without commenting. Or maybe they faced hard time irl so tumblr are their escape place but because their socialize limit has reached, they not interact with others and only likes/reblog.

That's how I start to learn understand why some people not thanked me or interacting with me. I learn to accept all sort of interaction I get either it is reblog, likes or comments and appreciate each one of them even tho my inner self really want to talk about the tls I have done. But, as I said, I learn to understand each kind of people exist especially on tumblr. Btw, this is my personal opinion about this matter. I hope you don't give up on tl but if you start feel tired, you can take a rest from tl for a while and come back when you feel okay. Sorry for this long post lol and Happy New Year! ✨

happy new year anon! 🥂✨

first, thanks for sharing your thoughts! /gen tbh i wrote the original post in the car, not really thinking much of it at the time, but i never intend for it to pressure or guilt trip lurkers into commenting. it was honestly like…more so a silly vent, or a half-assed attempt to motivate myself lmao bc i looked at my dash and ended up having these thoughts of comparing myself to others when looking at other tls. like “wow there r my big shot friends and moots who get so many comments and asks, positive vibes, gushing together…then there’s me” kinda thing bfhsjfhshfs but ik “lurking” is just an inherent, inevitable phenomenon of social media, we’ve all lurked one way or another on the internet, whether we realize it or not. ik based on said phenomenon, out of all impressions and interactions, <10% will be active interactions like comments on average. (i took a class on social computing ,, interesting stuff) so ya i can’t and don’t expect comments or asks on a default.

more below ↓

and i also understand ppl may struggle with anxiety or may not have the energy, which is also why i never expect ppl to comment on my stuff as the go-to. that’s just asking for too much. i don’t mean to invalidate such feelings. and i appreciate ppl who still like and especially reblog, as reblogging actively helps boost the post with how tmblr’s algorithm works. there r even a couple ppl who i’ve never even heard a peep of a word from but i notice they like and, or reblog nearly every tl post i put up. i do notice these kinds of things too. and i do appreciate lurkers and any interaction as well! i love y’all too /p

but ya even while understanding the inevitability of it and knowing ppl got their reasons for lurking, it doesn’t change the fact that, to me, one comment can do loads more for me than 100+ “silent” reblogs or likes. but as mentioned before, i can’t expect comments or similar interactions at a minimum (i consider myself lucky af if i get a comment lmao) so thats why i sort of have a smaller circle of friends that i sorta talk abt my tls to. like a circle i know will give me that feedback i want and need to keep me going aside from me having fun with tls. and i’m pretty sure i’m not the only fan translator like this…i just hope i don’t annoy said circle djahfhsgfhagds

#ask #anon #kuri.txt

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autumnshowell · 3 months ago

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6:30 PM

Teeth. Flashing in a dark space, glinting in the absence of light, they drive into the flesh on her neck, on her back. Her wrists. It hurts — God, it hurts. It goes beyond the hurting. Like somebody’s stuck a vacuum into her veins, drawing the essence of her out. It turns her hollow, empty.

Leaves her wanting.

There are eyes, too. Dark, deep little wells in the already dark space. They stare. They bore holes into her. She finds their lingering on her draws what blood is left in her to the apples of her cheeks. She finds herself wondering if they want to see her stripped to nothing, drained to nothing, or if they covet her the way she covets the face they rest in.

Monsters are real, she thinks, they’re real and they’re beautiful and one of them has haunted her thoughts, nigh uninterrupted, for a month now. Monsters are real and they’re beautiful and she’s in l-

“Autumn?”

Salt shaker.

“… Autumn.”

Grab it.

“Autumn!”

“Wh-oh, sorry.” She says, grabbing the little painted pilgrim and sliding it over in front of her mother’s plate. “I… I zoned out.”

“I wasn’t asking for the salt, Autumn, I asked a question.”

“I’m sorry, what was it, I-“

“Jesus, Autumn. I might as well be talking to myself.” “I’m sorry, I just… I’m tired, please, what were you asking?”

“Are you free next weekend? My hair lady, she’s got this son and he’s your age - she says he likes those horror movies like you do.”

“Mom I’m… no. No I’m not - I’m not… really down for that kind of thing. Not right now.’

Oh, God, she thinks to herself.

“Oh, come on - why not? Here, let me show you, he’s very good looking.”

Autumn leans her forehead onto her hand as her mother fumbles for her cell, taking an excruciating amount of time to hunt the photo down and moving to put it in front of Autumn. “I’m sure he’s handsome, mom, I’m just not really-“

“Like a young George Clooney.”

“I… don’t - I don’t think that has the appeal you’re thinking it does,” she protests, finally relenting to give the screen a look to get it out of her face.

“Autumn, just give him a shot - you never know.”

She sighs. “I’m busy next weekend because I already have plans.”

The phone finds its way to the table, mother’s interest piqued. “Who? Somebody you met through this new job?”

“No, I’ve… no I’ve been on …”

“Is that Kevin boy? The one who works at the bowling alley?”

“What, no - and Kevin doesn’t work at the b-“ Autumn feels her stomach drop and roll and knot.

Her mother’s teasing grin almost seems genuine in its giddy happiness. “Well, come on, spill. This is the first I’m hearing of this new boy friend-“

7:00 PM

Her knuckles are white on the wheel, not that she can see them enough to care as the occasional white-orange bands of street-lamps pass over where she’s holding on like she’s about to try to rip the wheel of the car right out of the dash. Her brows are knitted, half fury, half frustration as she speeds down the highway. She wonders, for a moment, what would happen if she just kept going. Got out of Port Leiry. Left everything and everyone in the town behind.

It’s an old fallback fantasy - a catharsis she’s often let herself fall into. Would people miss her? Certainly, at first, they’d lament it, but it wouldn’t matter, not long term. But she finds that it now makes her profoundly sad.

Kevin, Miss Moss. Hell, even A.J. Astor, so new in her life, and so endlessly frustrating. She’d miss it all. Part of her feels betrayed that she let this stupid town lay its roots in her the way it has.

But it’s the thought of Aria Boughton that makes her face go hot and her eyes slick up wet with the idea of loss.

What would it matter, though? Aria is a vampire - an immortal, undying thing, if movies and books stand up to scrutiny - Aria could find her.

Or she could go to Aria, and the two could grow old. She thinks of that Swedish vampire movie. Her morose frown breaks out into a grin at the scandalous imaginings of being a little old lady, taking care of Aria, ever young and beautiful. Grim, yeah, but it beats old and lonely - not quite the moral of the story, but she’s angry and pissed and sad and scared so who cares.

6:35 PM

“What are you telling me?”

The tone in her voice sets Autumn on edge. She feels an energy coiling in her joints.

“I’m telling you that the person I’m seeing, Her name is Aria, and we’ve been kind of dating. For like. Months now.”

Her mother’s face goes on a journey. A long, excruciating one - confusion, and then annoyance, and then a strange, uncomfortable sort of smile, as if waiting for the punchline to a joke.

“Are you telling me you’re… what, a lesbian?”

“N-no… yes. No. Maybe. Probably.”

The expression goes vacant as her mother leans back from the dinner table, as if what’s on her plate has just been revealed to be toxic and poisonous. Autumn feels something swell in the pit of her stomach too, for a different reason.

“Why?”

“What does that mean, why? Because… because I lo-... because like her, mom.”

Her own mind rolodexes through a thousand reasons why. She doesn’t say any of them. Her mother looks like she wants to grab the table knife and stick it in her eye. The silence between them grows and grows and grows. Autumn, for her part, is searching her mother’s face, desperate to find any sign of approval, or even indifference. All she’s finding is the looming specter of the same thing that always lays its foundations there - contempt, disdain - disappointment and a hint of regret.

Her mother, for her part, stares anywhere but at her.

12:58 AM Port Leiry’s actually kind of pretty from up here. She sits on a picnic table, looking down on the city. It’s no New York, no Los Angeles. Hell, it’s not even Seattle. But it’s a pretty, shimmering little thing. She’s never come up here to Overlook Park this late. It’s not even supposed to be open, but nobody’s here to tell her no. Besides, Maybe one of the city’s famous animal attacks will make all of this moot - rip her up. Make her a Port Leiry mystery like Olivier.

She wipes her face on her sleeve - eyes, then nose, and sniffs at the night air, letting out a long, sad exhale.

Usually, when she feels this way. Like she’s disappointed somebody, she bottles it up. Keep it inside. Let it eat away at her. Her knuckles rap on the outside of her thigh with nervous energy. She’s so… so so tired of beating herself up because she can’t read minds, or because her step’s not light enough for all the eggshells she needs to walk on, or that she doesn’t exist right, or any other number of things that settle into her brain and tell her that she’s lesser for.

She wishes, for a split second, that she had half the spine required to explode instead of implode.

She thinks about the animal attacks - knowing what she knows now. What if that was a vampire thing? They have clubs - she learned that in the hardest way possible - but maybe some of them hunt out at night.

The idea that Olivier might have been shredded by a vampire makes some unhinged part of her break out into a half cry, half laugh - like it would have been something he would have been all in on or something.

But then that little bit of morbid thought rolls over into something else - something she dwells on for a moment. She gets her phone out, starts typing…

1:00 am >> [ hey, do you think you could make me like y]

She stops, stares at the letters. No. This isn’t something she should ask over a fucking text message. It’s night time. Aria’s a vampire. She’ll be awake, surely.

1:01 am >> [ can I come over? ]

She deletes that, too - suddenly worried that Aria will somehow expect the question. Preemptively tell her no. Fuck it. She’ll drive to her apartment.

She slides off the bench - grabbing her keys, and heads back to the empty car lot, full moon making it light enough that she doesn’t even need to use the light on her phone.

6:40 PM

“You’re doing this to punish me, aren’t you?”

Autumn stares, a look on her face that’s as confused as it is hurt. “What?”

“To embarrass me. To throw it in my face and embarrass me. To make a big show of yourself with this. You’ve decided, for whatever reason, that I’m the worst, and you’re doing this to punish me.”

“I’m not… I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re playing around with another woman! That’s not doing nothing!”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You’ve just decided that I’m your enemy, ever since the day your father died you have done everything you can to just throw it in my face that I’m a bad parent. That I’m this ogress. You throw any help I give you back in my face-“

“No I don’t! What do you-“

“And now this - now this… behavior.”

“Mom, I… it’s - I…”

“Just go, Autumn. I can’t do this right now.”

“Mom, why can’t you just once see something I’m doing for myself and be-“

“What, be proud? Of what? My gay daughter, who didn’t finish school, whose professional career involves a Bowling Alley? What, that you’re never going to give me grandchildren? That you’re… whatever this thing is? What, that you’re finally being honest, Autumn, that you’re sticking it to me for letting this happen to you? Congratulations.” She stands up, moves to the counter, pours herself a glass - it’s the first of the evening, so Autumn, face sinking, knows this is all real. “Please - get out, I can’t with you right now.”

1:32 AM

Maybe this is stupid. Maybe she should just go home - get sleep. Rethink things. She can go see Aria tomorrow, or the next day. There’s something that changes in her as she pulls down along the sloping road that leads from the Overlook Park and onto the freeway that leads back.

She looks to the holder where her phone is mounted to her dashboard when she hears her phone chirp. A text message, this late? Her heart jumps, thinking it’s Aria. More likely, it’s A.J., calling in a ride, but as she goes to look at the notification, her expression sours. It’s from her mother. Her face screws up, halfway between fury and unsurprise. Her grip on the wheel loosens, then tightens as she turns around a bank in the road.

“Fuck you.” She murmurs in the dark. “Make up your fucking mind.”

She’s about to leave it alone, but then the creeping desire to bury the hatchet, to be the one who makes nice early, wraps its fingers around her mind and Autumn decides otherwise, reaching over swipe the phone open, but while she’s trying to jab the voice-to-text button, she keeps missing her mark, and so she turns her eyes away for just long enough to find it.

When she turns back, something darts across the road. She doesn’t hit it, but she does swerve, enough to hit the guardrail at just the right angle. The wheels leave the ground. The hood spins down, and she sees the ground through the windshield; first asphalt, then sky, then earth. Autumn feels the lurch, followed by the weightlessness, and a thousand and one thoughts go through her mind in that same split second. Something hits her face, dead center on her nose.

It’s not a steep drop, but it is a long one, and the car hits the ground and all those thoughts go dark.

#self para #homophobia tw #parental rejection tw #injury tw #post-Nouveau

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hetalianskywalker · 10 months ago

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Day 8: Choosing to Help

Pairing: Mer Vaughn x Jedi Reader

Summary: Sometimes helping is more than worth the danger.

Author’s Note: So I know I haven’t given much detail on the Jedi in this AU. And that will change in tomorrow’s fic. So sorry if anything is confusing here because of that. Hopefully, there isn’t. Also, when you see the prompt… get your mind out of the gutter. It’s not gonna go down that route. 🤣

Warnings: some references to war trauma and this world’s version of order 66. But I think that’s it.

Word Count: 814

Prompt: A squid with human eyes must not be harmed, thrown back as quickly as possible. I’ve seen too many good fishermen cursed to let it happen again.

Prompt 3062 by deepwaterwritingprompts

The whole fishing boat goes deadly silent when they see what was in your hands. The massive fishing net had been pulled onto the deck. Among all the fish, you had seen the wriggling tentacles of an oddly colored squid; it was white and blue with a little bit of orange. You had slowly picked it up only to be met with a pair of brown human eyes. You just stood there unmoving and soon the whole crew stood around you with a meter of distance.

A gunshot draws you all out of your almost trance like state. Your captain stands with his flint lock pistol aimed at the sky.

“Don’t hurt it and throw it back.” No one moves. “Now! Do you want to be cursed!?” They all scramble out of your way as you dash to the railing. You hold your arms out to drop it in the water only for the tentacles to wrap around your arm. You hear the other sailors gasp behind you.

To your surprise though, it’s gentle and it looks at you expecting something. What’s worse is that you know exactly what it wants, but you can’t blow your cover here.

“Please let go.” You plead. It blinks at you for a long tense moment before it does just that. You let out a sigh of relief as the ship immediately begins heading for shore.

You have never had so many good luck charms thrown at you. The Mer who show interest like that don’t just give up and they all know that wasn’t the end. The Captain is just relieved he was able to save your life. However, for the safety of himself and the rest of the crew, he asks you to find different work. You are a bit annoyed but you don’t hold it against them.

And they are right this wasn’t over; you soon see that squid in the river that ran along the road home. You shiver, but don’t shrink away from it. In fact, you kneel down at the sandy river bank as he comes up to you. This river connects into the ocean you remember as he stops in front of you; you should have taken another way home.

“If I do this for you, they’ll know I’m here.” You want so badly to turn him away, but the pleading look those eyes give you makes you cave. You had seen and felt so many men with those same eyes die around you during the war. Even after your Mer clones tried to kill you, their dying cries on the battlefield still haunt your dreams.

You extend your hand out into the water and softly begin to chant. The squid swims up to you and you feel the slimy skin under your fingers. He waits patiently as you slowly transfer your raw magic to him; even with all your Jedi training, bringing suppressed magic back to the surface is difficult. You close your eyes, trying to increase your focus; you have to hurry.

A loud gasp of an all too familiar voice fills the air and you stop chanting. Your vision swims and the Mer clone’s arms barely catch you before you hit the shallow water.

“Easy. I got you, sir.” You laugh even though it makes your head hurt. You cuddle into him. You shouldn’t after what had been done to you by his brothers, but you have been alone for what feels like forever. It is nice to be held again.

“I’m not a general anymore.” You say softly. You feel him slowly get to his feet, but you can sense his uncertainty. You slowly examine his blue and white armor, recognizing the famous battalion color. “You have been stuck inside a squid since before the end of the war huh?”

“The war is over?” You have a lot to fill him in on and very little time to do so. The Inquisitors will be here soon; you know it.

“We need to run. I am now a wanted fugitive and you are property of the new empire.” You can sense his confusion and fear, but he hold you to him protectively. You could cry; you haven’t felt protected and safe in a long time. Slowly, you look up at the orange and white helmet, recognizing the pattern from an old friend. Those brown eyes from earlier meet yours and you can see black curls with blue tips sneaking out under the helmet.

“I’m Captain Vaughn.” He begins moving quickly toward your home, going the direction you had been headed before. “Gather your strength. I’ll protect you. I promise.”

Once you grab your kyber sword, you and Vaughn steal a small ship in the dead of night. He is able to activate the runes to get the ship in a hyper current just as your Inquisitor executioners arrive.

#star wars #th clone wars #captain vaughn #clone trooper vaughn #captain vaughn x reader #rare clone x reader #mermay #mermaid au

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theoneeyedgoldenwolf · 4 months ago

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Catch a knife

Whumptober 2024, number 26: Nightmares

Summary: Twilight’s past haunts him during the nights. When he wakes up from them, he unintentionally endangers Time’s life. Is there a way to make his unconscious actions to stop?

CW: Lack of trust, nightmares, threat by a knife, slashed by a knife, stabbed by a knife, mauling, eerie feeling, drugged, hallucinations

Notion: - Originally named as “The Mark of the Wolf” - This starts roughly with very cruel nightmare! D= - Part of my Ranch Family AU story. - Time has lost his eye and he has scar over his right eye but he does NOT have Fierce’s markings. Those will come much later. - Luck Bird = Siberian Jay

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Twilight groaned and sat up slowly while frowning at the sticky feeling and odd warmth. He shook his head before blinking his eyes open. His confusion increased at the stench of blood. He jerked a bit when he saw the pool of blood he had been laying on. Then his notion fell into a hand just in his line of sight. Gulping, he turned his notion into the limb and slowly gained a person into his sight. A person he was learning to know. Only one word left his mouth as the realization of the situation dawned to him: “Time.” He had mauled the older male like a feral beast. On that second he started to scream.

Twilight woke up screaming and bolted up on his bed. He screamed again in terror as his room’s door was slammed open roughly and fast. He didn’t think twice as he snatched the knife from his night table and threw it.

The startled scream and the sound of thwack finally snapped the youngster into reality. He jerked a bit and blinked few times as he caught the notion of his knife on the wall and Time having half crashed onto the floor. Time whom was his current caretaker. Time whom he lived with at the Lon-Lon Ranch. Time whom had picked him out of all the other kids in the orphanage and brought him to here. Time whom had bought him all he could need, a phone, the knife he had just thrown, clothes and other stuff. Time whom hadn’t posed even one bit of threat to him for the past two months he had lived with the guy.

“Uh… Really good throw.” Time told while bit shakily standing up. Twilight watched him yank the knife off of the wall. After that he gently threw the knife back onto the night table. “Bit of practice and your aim will be even better.” He commented before crouching down to be on lower level.

Twilight just stared. He bit jerked at the overly loud sound of the knife hitting the wood and bit skid on the surface of the night table. He blinked few times while slowly realizing the whole situation. “S-sorry… I…” He started uncertainly and noticed Time shaking his head.

“Nah. No worries at all. You had a nightmare and woke up screaming. And I just dash into here without a warning.” Time spoke calmly and gently even though he certainly was still shaken. “Gotta see if I can fix the lock. The locksmith did give good information and explanations but…” He shrugged and chuckled a bit. “I don’t think I’m much of a fixer.” He told while taking a check on the lock. “But, maybe I can get it done. If not, then just put the chair against it and I’ll try to get the locksmith over tomorrow.”

Twilight just numbly nodded while still trying to push the hellish dream out of his mind. “Want to talk?” Time queried softly and Twilight blinked several times in start before shaking his head. “Okay, not gonna force.” Time backed off before giving a lopsided smile. “How about hot chocolates?” He offered instead.

“What? In middle of the night?” Twilight finally found his voice and he frowned a bit.

Time shrugged. “Why not? I’ve had lot of midnight hot chocos with Malon when I was younger.” He explained and Twilight could hear the slight waver at the mention of his caretaker’s wife’s name and the slight pain the memory brought. He didn’t yet know much but so far he had gathered that the woman had died to a cancer only about two years ago.

Twilight thought for a moment before nodding and slowly getting up from the bed. “Great! I’ll teach so you can make the hot chocolates for both of us.” Time told while keeping the distance and moving in front of the younger male. Twilight still bit frowned at the action but he understood it well. Time was letting him to choose when it was okay to be close.

They went into the kitchen and Time chose the furthest seat he could find at there. With the given instructions he made two cups of hot chocolates before taking a seat by the table and handing the other one to Time. The older male nodded his thanks. Yet very soon he got up and went to pick up some drawing paper and pens. He set them in middle of the table while pulling one sheet and two pens, orange and normal.

“To get your mind off of that nightmare, I’d suggest to draw something.” Time told while looking at Twilight calmly. “Draw what makes you feel safe. Draw what brings you luck. Or, well, just draw whatever you wish.” He suggested and bit grinned. “And when you’re ready, and of course if you’re willing, we’ll show our creations once we’re done.”

Twilight just frowned while letting the hot chocolate calm him down already. Yet, he pulled one of the white sheets of paper and one pen. He thought for a while even though he already knew what he’d draw. Only a moment later he began to draw what he kept calling as The Mark of the Wolf.

“You know… I could go and buy you another knife tomorrow. You can come along if you want.” Time suddenly suggested while coloring his creation. “On that way, when you throw one you still have a blade to defend yourself.” He explained calmly.

“Is… Is it okay if I stay here?” Twilight queried bit uncertainly.

“Sure. At then I just need to know what kind of knife you want so I can buy the right one.” Time answered without hesitation.

“The same as what I already have.” Twilight gave out straight away. He liked the blade as there was a running wolf etched into there.

“Alright. Consider it done.” Time simply replied while bit tilting his head as he checked his creation. A moment later he nodded. “You ready?” He queried while taking a hold of the paper so that he could turn it around.

Twilight nodded and took a deep breath. Time began to count from three downwards and when he hit zero, they turned the creations around. “A bird?” Twilight queried while looking at the round bird of silver and orange.

“Malon called it as Luck Bird.” Time answered as calmly as he could. “It’s pretty much been such for me whenever I’ve seen it.” He explained with a shrug before nodding to Twilight’s creation. “Is that what you’ve called as the Mark of the Wolf?” He inquired and Twilight nodded.

“I saw it on the forehead of the golden wolf that saved me.” Twilight answered with a small smile before bit sighing. “I know it was just light and shadows playing with my messed up mind but…”

“It’s real.” Time stated out firmly and startled Twilight’s notion right back into him. “Whatever anyone says, what you saw was real for you. No-one can claim against it. They weren’t there. They didn’t see it. You were. You know what you saw. Don’t ever let anyone claim against that.”

Twilight stared while being fully taken off guard. No-one had ever said his sight had been correct. It was first time someone actually believed him and confirmed his claim.

“I’ve seen lot of unique markings on different animals.” Time told calmer. “Some even name their pets after those things.” He continued and shrugged. “I don’t doubt even one second that there wouldn’t be a wolf with the marking you’ve drawn.”

Twilight calmed down and turned his gaze down into his creation before turning it towards Time. On the paper was long line which top had unique swirly looking tree of sorts with a dot inside it. On its sides were two more swirly lines and deer antlers.

“That is very unique marking.” Time commented while not touching the paper but taking in the whole creation. “I could buy some paints too while at the town and you can paint it onto your wall. How about it?” He suggested calmly.

“You sure?” Twilight queried bit startled of the offer.

Time shrugged while still smiling. “It’s your room. I want it to be a place you feel safe at.” He simply answered before getting up. “How about I try and fix your door’s lock and we go to sleep for a while longer?” He half queried while taking his mug to the sink and filling it with water. Twilight nodded and followed his caretaker. He gave his mug over while feeling bit like he should wash the mugs. “Don’t worry about the mugs. I’ll handle them at the morning.” Time told while very carefully rounding the younger male and going to fetch some needed things to fix the door.

Twilight watched and followed whole time. He didn’t trust Time but he couldn’t deny the fact of how much effort the one eyed male was putting into making him feel safe and accepted at there. Still, after how his past had gone, it wasn’t easy for him to trust older males.

The next few weeks went past safely and calmly. Time did, as he promised, get him another knife with a running wolf in the blade and several different paints. Twilight had had rights to pick the ones that he liked the most to paint his own room as he wished. Time bought even more of the chosen colors just to be sure it would be enough. He did also check on the youngster while offering his help but mainly, out of Twilight’s request, he just supervised. Twilight painted the Mark of the Wolf into both sides of the door as well into the ceiling of his room so it would be the last thing in the evening and first thing in the morning he saw.

Twilight had started to calm down a bit too while enjoying of the farm work. It was summer but, by using Time and Malon’s old school books, got some home schooling. Time did his best to help whenever Twilight requested for it. And usually they found the answers together.

Twilight often handled the meals since Time didn’t want him to fear of the food being tampered with. Besides that, the older male was fine with smaller eating which often got him to even forget to eat at some days. When Twilight noticed this trend, he was straight off on handling the breakfast, dinner and evening meal for both of them. Even though Time kept telling him that he didn’t owe anything for the stay, care or anything else, Twilight still felt like wanting to do something to show his gratitude for the freedom, place of safety and someone truly caring about him. This all was the reason the next nightmare took him off guard.

The darkness was all around him. The forest didn’t seem friendly even one bit. The air was smelling foul and made his head hurt. Twilight whimpered and screamed for his parents. Everything looked the same. Suddenly something moved in the thick fog that had appeared almost out of nowhere. He ran. He glanced once behind him while hearing all sorts of sounds. Just as he turned his notion back to where he was running, he gasped, stumbled backwards and crashed to his butt as he had slammed roughly against something solid. Then, without warning, that something solid creaked open and…

Twilight woke up screaming while bolting upright in his bed. While still lingering between the nightmare and waking world, he snatched the knife and threw. He hadn’t even heard or seen his room’s locked door having been roughly struck open. What finally snapped him into the reality was a scream.

Twilight stared at Time and the knife on the floor. The older male was holding his arm with a pained grimace. Yet, when he noticed Twilight staring at him, he forced that look off and grinned a bit. “Your aim’s getting better.” He commented before kneeling down and carefully picking the knife up. “This needs bit more of cleaning but…” He started and wiped the blade into his clothes before standing back up and gently throwing the knife back to the night table. “That’s the best I can do at the moment.” He continued and shrugged a bit.

It took quite a while from Twilight to realize that he had actually slashed Time’s arm with that throw. “Time… I…” He stammered while staring wide-eyed at the scene. Time was slowly calming down and he just shook his head.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Time assured with a fond smile. “I’ll just get this bandaged. It’ll heal in no time.” He promised and glanced at the lock. “I’ll fix that again.” He nodded towards the door before giving a lopsided smile. “Hot chocos and calming down, yeah?” He offered and Twilight just nodded. “Great! You can go and start things. I’ll be down in a moment.”

Twilight couldn’t really do anything else than nod before Time left the room. He carefully picked the knife up and felt fully guilty of the blood that he could still see on it. Once again he wondered what Time had gone through in his past to be acting like this. He wasn’t barking him down. He wasn’t throwing him out. He was just accepting of being attacked by a stranger in his own home. He hadn’t even reported of him to anyone.

Twilight left his room bit sorrowfully and knocked on the bathroom’s door. “Time?” He called and got a muffled reply of “Yeah?”. He hesitated for a moment. “Can I help?” He eventually asked while wanting to make things right.

“Thanks but I got this. Just get the hot chocolates done. Okay?”

Twilight sighed and bit slumped. “Okay.” He replied while feeling like he should go inside anyways. He knew Time didn’t lock the door even though there was such a chance. Then again, that had been installed at the same day as his door’s lock had been. It clearly told there never had been locked doors besides the front door in the whole house. Trust and acceptance clearly had been extremely important for the residents of the place. And he felt like he was violating that guideline in the hardest possible way.

Only a moment after Twilight had the hot chocolates done Time came down. He had changed pajamas for two different reasons, the blood and the rip in the sleeve. He was clearly calmer but Twilight was quite certain it was just fake to calm him down. There still was some of that freak-out in his eyes. Yet, it was clear he was rather looking after him than of himself.

Time nodded as Twilight gave him the mug. “So… I’m not going to ask. It’s up to you if you wish to talk.” He told calmly while tracing the rim of the mug. “But… I’m going to ask this… What do you want to do?” He continued while raising his gaze up into the younger male. “Draw? Watch TV? Howl at the moon?” He suggested before shrugging. “Sure, it’s not full moon yet but… Does it really matter what night it is?”

Twilight stared bit startled at his caretaker. “I… Um…” He started before shaking his head. “How about card game?” He queried and bit relaxed when Time smiled widely.

“Sure! I’ll fetch the deck.” Time exclaimed and left the room. Twilight smiled a bit but the look dropped off of his features the moment the one eyed male was out of seeing it. He just frowned and stared at the older male’s mug. This was exactly what he couldn’t do, leave his drink or food unsupervised. The guy trusted him and he felt like he didn’t deserve that.

Soon enough Time came back and gave the card deck to Twilight. “Just check them through. I didn’t rig it but I want you to be certain of it.” He told calmly and tried to keep his notion elsewhere while Twilight went through the cards. Once he was certain he already shared few cards. “So, what we playing?” Time queried while picking the cards up.

“Biggest card wins?” Twilight offered while turning one card around from the deck for starter.

“Works for me. You can start if you want.” Time replied while bit changing the places of his cards. Twilight simply nodded before placing first card in.

They played several games through while enjoying of the hot chocolate. After that Time fixed the lock on Twilight’s door. Twilight simply nodded his thanks while returning to the bed. He had washed his knife after having done the hot chocolates and while waiting for them cool down a bit.

The days and weeks flew past again and Twilight started to calm down. He hoped there wouldn’t be that rough nightmares anymore. He had had smaller and less hellish on several nights. Yet, just as he thought he had everything perfectly fine, the next nightmare jumped him.

Twilight was growling. He stood protectively in front of two younger kids. The room was dimly lit but he could feel something moving around there. The kids were trembling and whimpering behind him. Whatever it was that lurked in the shadows was a threat. Suddenly a rough sound of screech snapped his notion to his side. Before he could realize what had caused the noise, an unseen door was slammed open and something dashed into the room.

Twilight screamed while seeing the hideous thing rather than his own room. He threw the knife without thinking while desperately wanting to protect himself and the kids of his past. The scream wasn’t a beast’s but Hylian’s. And it wasn’t brought out by start or slight pain. It was filled with agony.

Twilight gasped as the situation came into him like a flash of a sudden lightning. Time had crashed to his knees while holding his shoulder. Twilight stared horrified as he saw his own knife in the back of Time’s shoulder. “W-what… W-what I’ve d-done…” He half whispered with shaky voice and feeling tears at his eyes. On that second he scrambled out of the bed and dashed to Time before already dropping to his knees. “Time… I…” He desperately tried to find right words but he didn’t know what to say.

“You hit good. Straight and true.” Time whispered after shaking his head. “It’s fine. I’ve had worse.” He assured while clearly wanting to pull Twilight into a hug for better comfort. Yet, he held back as he knew the trust between them hadn’t yet been established strongly enough.

“Time, I’m sorry!” Twilight half shouted while trying to blink the tears out of his eyes. He moved closer and tried to get a better check of the wound. He flinched when Time growled in pain. “Sorry! Sorrysorry!” He straight off half shouted while pulling off bit startled. “You need to go to hospital.” He stated out while feeling himself tremble even more.

Time shook his head. “No. It’s fine. I just need you to pull the knife out. I’ll bandage it.”

“What?! NO!” Twilight nearly snapped in shock. “It needs stitches!” He barked out before bit flinching in shock at Time’s reaction. The one eyed male grimaced and jerked at the claim of stitches. “Time?” He called bit worriedly.

Time took a deep breath and gave as reassuring smile as he could but it didn’t fully hit right. “J-just mild case of needle fear.” He answered before carefully touching around his shoulder to find the knife.

“Time… What…?” Twilight started before gasping in start as Time yanked the knife out with a growl. “Time… That… T-that was stupid!” He snapped while staring horrified at the bleeding.

“I’ve had worse. I got this.” Time replied while giving the knife back to Twilight after having cleaned it against his clothes. After that he stood up. “Hot chocolates sounds good, right?” He half queried while trying to give a smile of assurance.

“Time…” Twilight whispered while watching the older male leave the room. “Shit…” He growled and stood up swiftly to go after his caretaker. “Time, I mean it. You need to go to the hospital. That wound needs stitches.” He stated out as firmly as he dared.

Time stumbled and paled even more than earlier at the mention of stitches. Twilight grit his teeth while realizing that he wasn’t going to get the one eyed male to do as supposed to. “What would you be doing if it was me in your place?!” He eventually snapped and nearly winced as Time stopped dead on his tracks.

Time gritted his teeth for a while before sighing heavily. “You can’t drive and neither can I in this condition. Taking Epona into the town isn’t a good idea. And we’re not walking around the town in middle of the night.” He stated out firmly while turning around to look at the youngster.

“Fine.” Twilight huffed and shook his head. “Where’s the first aid kit? I need to stitch that wound.” He half commanded and winced again at the rough flinch Time did at the mention of stitches and the knowledge of needles to get it done.

Eventually Time sighed and nodded. “Living room. In the book shelf’s closet. The closest to the door.” He explained and waited until Twilight was out of sight before taking his shirt off.

Twilight took the stairs carefully but otherwise he dashed through the hallways. He found the first aid kit quite quickly before already returning into the second floor’s bathroom. “Just keep your gaze off of here.” Twilight half commanded while getting things ready. “Is there any pain killers for the area?” He queried while checking the first aid kit through.

“No… Just do it.” Time replied and took few deep and shaky breaths. He closed his eye and tried to concentrate into his breathing. Twilight jerked when he did the first strike and Time flinched roughly with a pained gasp. The one eyed male trembled and flinched at each stitch done. Yet, he didn’t whimper. Instead, he just grit his teeth and fought against the unconscious actions.

Twilight wanted to say something, anything, comforting but he couldn’t find the words. Luckily, though, the wound wasn’t that of wide and the knife hadn’t struck too deep. The moment he was done, Twilight put the needle and the first aid kit to be fully out of Time’s sight. Next he gently cleaned the blood off but Time still flinched as he clearly wasn’t happy of others touching the scars that littered his body. Eventually Twilight bandaged the area before getting up and cleaning things off. He still did his best to keep the needles out of sight.

“Thank you.” Time whispered after having caught himself back in order. He bit moved his shoulder before getting up from the floor. “Just leave the things there. I’ll clean them later.”

“You’re welcome and don’t worry. I got this already.” Twilight replied and flashed a smile to Time. “Just go and get changed into cleaner clothes.” He suggested calmly. “I’ll be done in a moment and then we can have hot chocolates. Yeah?” He offered with a grin.

Time blinked bit startled before smiling lopsidedly and nodding. “Sounds good. You want to do them?” He replied and Twilight just nodded. “Alright. I’ll see you in a moment.”

Twilight just nodded into that before, once Time was out, he sighed bit heavily. He slumped and looked around at the blood he had drawn out. He shook his head and took a deep breath while putting on fully determined look.

Twilight handled the cleaning of the used items, his own knife and the bloodied areas. He checked once around before going downstairs and putting the first aid kit back to where it belonged to. After that he went to the kitchen and nodded once to Time before starting to get the hot chocolates done.

“Time, before you tell that you won’t ask a thing…” Twilight started after having brought the drinks to the table. He sighed heavily and forced himself to face his current caretaker eye to eye. “I can’t tell much because I’m unaware of all that has happened to me.” He half warned before taking a deep breath and starting to talk.

“I… Some memories are hazy. Some I’m not sure if they’re real or made up. And some are by now messed up with the life after I and the others were rescued.” Twilight began bit uncertainly.

“Twilight, you don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Time told gently while wishing to reach out to his boy but not daring to.

“I know but… I want to. I feel like I owe you at least this much. I…” Twilight replied almost desperately.

Time sighed and shook his head. “You owe me nothing, Cub.” The stated out firmly. “You’re here because I care. I want this to be home and safe place to you. I’m not asking anything in return. I just want to see you safe and sound. I just want you to reach for your dreams and gain them.”

Twilight nodded while dropping his gaze down into the mug. He wanted to explain but he didn’t find the answers. “Give me a second.” Time called and went to fetch a piece of paper and a pen. After that, once back to his place, he drew something swiftly enough on the sheet. “I hope I got it right.” He said softly while giving his creation to the younger male.

Twilight frowned and turned the paper around. He gasped in start as he saw the Mark of the Wolf on it. “It… It’s perfect…” He half whispered while tad smiling at the creation.

“If you really wish to talk, Twilight, keep your gaze in the marking. Know you’re safe and protected. As long as I have the rights and ability, I will protect you in any way possible.” Time told firmly and Twilight nodded almost absentmindedly.

“I remember a forest.” Twilight began again. “I’m not sure but I think I was there with my parents. I got lost. The fog appeared and there was something within it. I ran and crashed with a wall…” He told and frowned a bit. “I… Somehow this feels more of a nightmare I had instead of what happened. I don’t know…”

“Just take it easy. Breathe.” Time soothed with soft voice. “You’re safe. Whatever is in your past can’t harm you ever again. I promise.”

Twilight nodded and took a deep breath. “A clear memory is of a room. Several different. Most dimly lit. I… I think we were drugged. Might be through the food and drinks. Maybe in the air… I’m not sure.” He explained and shook his head. “We saw things. We attacked each other because of… Because of the… Um…”

“Hallucinations.” Time offered and Twilight nodded.

“Yeah, that. Hallucinations. Seeing things that weren’t there.” Twilight confirmed. “I don’t know how long we were there. Trapped and drugged. Felt like eternity.” He whispered and shivered a bit before shaking his head. “A wolf… Not sure if it was a hallucination too or real. It had this marking on its forehead.” He confirmed and tapped the paper. “It saved us. The next thing was that we were taken out of that place. The days are bit hazy as the drugs wore off. After that, though…” He shrugged. “Orphanage.”

Time nodded while wishing to go to hug the boy or at least place his hand over the youngster’s. Yet, he stayed to his place. “You’re safe here.” That was all he could say and promise.

Twilight smiled a bit and nodded. “I know.” He half whispered before stretching. “Where’s the paints? I’d like to add something into my room.”

“At the storage between the house and the Cucco house.” Time answered before getting up. “I’ll fix your door’s lock.

“A-actually…” Twilight started while making his choice. “No need for that. I could… Leave it unlocked.” He told while still being bit contradicted of the situation.

“You sure? I want you to feel safe at here. The lock’s meant to give that.” Time queried bit surprised.

Twilight smiled slightly and nodded. “I’m sure.” He replied while feeling surprisingly calmer than a while ago. Time nodded and glanced out of the window.

“I guess it’s about time to start the work so—“ The one eyed male started but Twilight cut him short.

“NO.” The youngster almost snapped. “Not with your arm not working correctly. You need to let it heal.” He told firmly and grinned. “You’ve taught me the ranch work. I’ll manage on my while you heal.” He promised while getting up. “I’ll change real quick, do the painting I need and handle bit of breakfast for both of us and be off to work. That okay with you?”

Time was bit taken off guard but he soon smiled and nodded. “Alright. May I stay close by in case you need bit of aid?”

“Sure.” Twilight replied happily. “Having bit of conversation always makes things go faster.” He commented and Time nodded in agreement.

It took about couple of weeks for the knife wound to heal enough for Time to aid with the work. Twilight still chose the harder work just to make sure his caretaker didn’t overdo himself. Still, with things going better, the youngster hoped he was over with the nightmares. He had shared bit of his past and talked with the one eyed male whenever he recalled something. Sometimes he just wanted to older male’s opinion on things and they worked the problems through together. He wasn’t happy when the next nightmare struck.

Twilight was feeling nauseous. The food had tasted funny but he had been too hungry to care. Now he regretted it. The room slowly dimmed around him and he wasn’t certain if the situation was caused by his own sight or if it really was happening. When the shadows began to move, he knew it was his own fault. And yet, he couldn’t help but curl up into the corner and whimper in terror. The sounds around him, real or not, were making everything even worse. There was no way out. The walls were creeping closer. When things started to be too much to bear, all he could do was to scream.

Twilight woke up in fright. The scream left from within him before he even understood it. He sat up while snatching the knife to defend himself but that was when he saw it. The Mark of the Wolf. He froze for a moment while having unconsciously stopped his action of the throw and turned the knife away from being a danger to the one whom had crashed into his room. He was safe. He wasn’t at that place. He had someone whom cared and believed him.

“Cub?” Time called carefully while having been actually surprised of not having had to try and avoid a flying knife. The moment that word left from his mouth, his boy already scrambled out of the bed, dropped the knife into the night table and dashed to him. He barely had enough of time to crouch down and spread his arms to catch Twilight.

Twilight wrapped his arms tightly around Time and broke down. He felt the one eyed male carefully embrace him. He didn’t fully hear the words but he took in the comforting and soft voice of his caretaker. He gave out a slight yelp when Time sat them both down to the floor. While crying, he told the nightmare out and felt the hold bit tighten around him. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep in the ranch owner’s hold.

Time didn’t move from his place nor did he let go or stop talking. He could’ve picked the boy up and taken him to the bed but he wasn’t going to do such. In his opinion it was safer to let the boy sleep where he was and guard his rest as he had been given such rights.

When the Cucco finally gave the call of the morning, Twilight yawned and carefully stretched. “Morning, Cub. How are you?” Time’s voice started him and he snapped his eyes open. The one eyed male was smiling fondly at him while holding him securely but still in such way that he could easily get away if he wanted to.

“Morning.” Twilight replied and closed his eyes before snuggling closer to his caretaker. He smiled when he felt Time sigh in relief and tighten the hold. This was exactly where he was feeling at safe and protected. “Thank you.”

“Hmm? For what?” Time queried with slight frown.

Twilight sighed contently while fully relaxing. “Everything. For absolutely everything,” He replied with a smile before taking his caretaker fully off guard by kissing the side of his head. Yet, after the first shock, he felt Time quite well melt by that action. ”Thank you, alpha wolf.” He whispered with a slight grin.

“You’re welcome, Cub.” Time replied while smiling fondly. He knew for certainty that his boy was on way to healing. Things were going to be all right from here on out. Obviously, though, since they had missed the chance of hot chocolate in the middle of the night, it was their drink with the simple breakfast.

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starleska · 4 months ago

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Close enough, welcome back Aardman blorbo 💖 Want that greasy weasel man’s entire biography on my dash my next week (/j, everybody roam free <3)

I have a stye…and Covid…and need to finish writing a whole dissertation on how This Blorbo’s Moral Character Is Good, Actually,…This Time bc a friend read an atrocities-ridden fanfic that unsettled her enough to haunt in her day-to-day life and just so happened to pick my blorbo’s moral character to assassinate in the process. <\3 c’est le vie. I know I’ll be okay though! I get real (read: more) pathetic when I’m ill and handcrafting how the besties perceive a fictional character is near impossible, but it’s all stuff that’ll pass sooner than later <3

I hope you’re doing well 💖 I can’t think of a subtler way to say it as Illness eats at my brain but I wanted to know if you’re okay and check in on you! I’m definitely loving these fictional lil guys (and some girls) you’ve been posting <3 they’re all so fun! I haven’t thought about Monika in so long! And I’ve never considered Victor Quartermaine like that before 👀 and I haven’t even HEARD of I. M. Meen but I’m holding your hand, we (you, me, whoever put him on the sexypedia) can be so brave about it together 💖 OH, AND when I was rapidly scrolling through my dash one day to get to the oldest new posts, and I saw nothing but straight up flashes of YYH for a minute….I knew, I KNEWWWW it was you. I didn’t even have to check. 😂 it was such a pleasant surprise. I need to watch YYH. It has such fun character designs.

bahahaha ahhhhh listen it may just be a passing crush but Victor Quartermaine is exactly the kind of bastard Tory my ancestors would yell at me for having a crush on, i can't be blamed 🙈🙈 oh no!!! sweetie are you feeling better? 🫂 COVID is no joke at all, i hope you are (or were if it's over - surely it is by now!!) hydrated and resting up 💖💖 so so sorry for how long it's taken me to get round to this ask - you know when you're severely burnt out and any message longer than a paragraph makes you want to cry, even when you love the person who sent it and really want to reply? 😭😭😭

ooh forgive me, i might be a bit confused (busy packing for a trip and my brain is egg-fried rice) - your pal read a fanfic with a different interpretation of a beloved character and you're looking to fix it? awww i'm so sorry!! 🫂💖 but hey, think of it this way: isn't it pretty marvellous that every human being is so different that they can see a character and have a totally different interpretation? i suppose it depends on what 'atrocities' covers 🙃💔 either way, i hope you're feeling less distressed now 💖💖 aww Lorelei you are such a treasure - thank you for checking in 🫂💖 i am doing a lot better!!! i've been doing a lot better after taking that break and being more conscious of the stuff i'm doing every day, both online and offline...real life is going super well :3c i'm going on a trip tomorrow which is really exciting!! dfghfd oh my god putting Monika, Victor, and I.M. Meen back-to-back makes me look so insane...but that's what we're about here on Tumblr dot com, no? 😉 YESSSSS oh my god you would love Yu Yu Hakusho, it's so so good!!! definitely dozens of pretty people in there to fall in love with...!!! Hiei and Kurama have had my heart since i was tiny 😳💖 giving you SO MANY HUGS!!! i love you to bits and miss you a bunch - no pressure on replying but i'd love to hear how you're doing :3c take care pal!!!

#starleskasks #long post

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cryptidcasanova · 2 years ago

Text

Skull Rock Reckoning

Demon!Eddie Munson x Reader

Ohmygoodness. Like, holy shit, I got the coolest Hellfire Haunts request in my asks. I had it all ready to go, was going to save it in my drafts, and then it never did save. Poof. It’s just gone, not in asks or drafts, so I am so sorry if I am losing you in the tumblr mess!

It was a request for Demon!Eddie, using prompt #1 (I’ve waited lifetimes for you.) It was so so sooooo good, I just had to write it!

Summary: Imagine if Jason Carver and his buddies tricked the reader into going up to skull rock, and instead it was really a sacrifice ploy. They were trying to sacrifice them to summon a demon (Eddie) who is less than thrilled, but it turned out to be a soulmate encounter.

So! If this was your ask, please let me know, and I’m sorry I lost it in the mix!

Warnings: Dark!Soulmate AU, Yandere, Soft!Dark Eddie, Violence, Blood, Dubious themes.

Words: 3k

Jason Carver was the golden boy of Hawkins High, and even after he graduated, his name still carried the same authority.

Sure, you had seen him around. You remembered the way he laughed around his friends and how his eyes would linger when he thought you weren't looking when you two were in school. You knew of his popularity and affinity for the cheer squad. So yes, you knew of Jason Carver.

You just never expected to hear him call your name while you were cruising down the grocery store aisles.

The sound of it was strong, and you turned to see him walking down the aisle with a shopping basket in his hands. You stopped with a slight wave. The smile he gave you was jolting.

"Hey," He grinned. "Have you ever been up to Skull Rock?" He asked, leaning against the wall of canned food.

He had never initiated a conversation with you before, but then again, neither had you. You two ran different circles growing up.

"I can't say I have." You told him with a lazy grin, moving down the aisle to pick up a jar of peanut butter. He watched with mild fascination.

"We're throwing a little party up there for Halloween. Tomorrow night. Spooky things go on up there," Jason continued, and you walked alongside him.

You turned your head back to his, catching his stare. "You know, they say it was a place for satanic worship." He teased.

You rolled your eyes playfully.

"It sounds like a bunch of hocus-pocus."

He scoffed lightly, putting a hand over his chest.

"It's the best place to be. There are no cops, and there will be drinks and music. It'll be a lot of fun." He said. "And I wanted to see if you'll come this year." He gave you a serious look.

You had never been invited by Jason Carver to a party before.

Even when Steve used to throw parties, that was different. You knew Steve, had mutual friends with him. Jason was hardly an acquaintance.

"I don't know," You thought about it, weighing the pros and cons.

"Give it a chance," He smiled again. "Give me a chance. I can pick you up and everything."

You gave him a once over.

Jason wasn't a regular on your radar, but you did notice him. It was hard not to with his popularity and good-boy persona. And you didn't have any plans.

"Oh, what the hell," You nodded with a grin. His dashing expression was blinding. "I'll bring beer."

You should have known it was too good to be true.

Jason had his own agenda all along. You couldn't have known that it was a trap, that you were just another checkmark on his list.

You couldn't have known even when he picked you up in his truck the next day. He was a gentleman, complimenting your little black dress and bat earrings. You got all dolled up for Halloween. He even offered to help you bring your beer bottles to his truck.

For a fleeting moment, you were excited.

But as soon as you opened the truck door, his old basketball buddies jumped out. You were in too deep. You knew something was terribly wrong.

They dragged you into the backseat, covering your mouth and holding you down. The fight was laughable. There were four of them, covering your mouth with duct tape and surrounding you in the truck. They were terrible.

Your wrists and the crook of your elbows were taped. Above your knees and down by your ankles were taped. It was a little more than overkill.

And then, you were trapped between two of them in the backseat while Jason drove, one of his cronies messing with the music.

You couldn't fight off the roll of nausea in your stomach as one of them wafted something under your nose. Was it sage? Weed? It was disorienting, and you couldn't get away.

"Let's go catch us a monster, boys." Jason grinned, looking in the rearview mirror with wild eyes. "This is the year; I can feel it."

There was something deceptively charming in those eyes, something much darker than you thought Jason Carver could be capable of.

There was no Halloween party at Skull Rock.

You tried to fight against the hazy feeling in your head, even as Jason's silhouette in the front seat got blurry and you slumped against the backseat.

He was the monster.

The night was quiet when Jason and his goons finally dragged you out of the truck and into the woods. You had no clear sense of direction. You felt stoned, your legs swaying lightly as he carried you over his shoulder.

The terrain was rugged, and you could feel stray branches and pine needles hitting the back of your legs.

Your vision was blurry, even as they finally broke through the trees to a small clearing. The trees dispersed, and as you were turned around, Skull Rock was the least of your problems.

In front of Skull Rock, Jason and his friends had drawn a symbol on the floor around you. A pentagram, for fucks sake. It was surrounded by a ring of salt, and you looked at your captor like he was bat-shit insane.

“What’s the matter?” He cooed, crouching down in front of you. “We did this all for you. I said it’s gonna be a lot of fun.”

Two images of Carver swayed in front of your eyes, and you groaned out a complaint as he tugged you forward to the middle of the circle. Your knees dug into the cold ground, and you tightened your arms, trying to fight against him.

“Come on, don’t be like that.” He tormented, pulling a dark robe over his shoulders. “We can’t do it without you. There’s never been anyone in the god-forsaken town quite like you. No one is good enough. No one pure enough.”

Your stomach was in knots.

Around the outside of the circle, you could see the others lighting candles and setting down bowls of spices, crystals, and coins around the star tips of the pentagram. You thought your heart was going to beat outside of your chest.

“There’s just one more thing.” Jason tugged at your hands, and you looked at him pleadingly. “Don’t look so scared, babe. You are the prettiest sacrifice we’ve had.”

You hardly had time to notice the pocketknife he procured before it was too late. He was tugging your hands, laying them palms up into the air before slicing across your skin. Your eyes went wide in horror, and you went to scream but couldn't.

Your hands were shaking, your eyes blurry with the threat of tears.

The next thing you knew, Jason pushed down to the forest floor, straight in the middle of the circle. And as your bloodied palms touched the ground, the men began to chant.

There was a pit of anguish in your stomach.

The candles wavered, and as Jason and his goons chanted, you could have sworn that a thick fog filled the area.

You pushed yourself up to your knees. A wild wind blew through the clearing, and the smell of iron filled your lungs.

You were going to die there.

The chanting waned and wavered until the words were booming in your head. You could feel every unintelligible syllable in the crevices of your heart. It was a seizing, aching feeling. You felt like it would pull you in different directions until you realized the candles blazed with a burning hellfire. You could feel the heat against your skin.

Something was happening.

A figure slowly emerged out of the fog, sprouting from the ground in front of you. Tall and humanoid, you fought back the cry clawing up your throat. You couldn’t see anything except for the outline of two fiery eyes. It was clear to see they were angry. You needed to get out of there.

It was a man stepping out of the fog. The candlelight illuminated the shadows of his body. He was bare, save for several tattoos scattered across his skin, and his hair was a wild halo of dark locks that cascaded around his shoulders. As the figure came into view, you had to shake your head to ensure your eyes weren’t deceiving you.

He was captivating.

Glowing eyes and a rounded nose looked down at the circle, his expression void of pleasantries.

"Abaddon, mischief maker, we summon you to the land of the living,” Jason’s voice boomed across the circle.

Even behind the ridiculous cloak, you could sense Jason’s confidence wane.

He got what he wanted, didn’t he?

The man, that thing, you thought, tilted his head to the side with a scowl. You almost thought you saw sharp canines poking into his bottom lip.

“We summon you with the blood of the innocent. That's what we brought you.” Jason called out with a snicker. “Hell, she might even be a virgin.”

Your head snapped from the figure to the cloaks, bile souring your tongue. You resented them, all of them.

The figure stepped forward, the dark fog swirling around his feet.

"You will do our bidding," Jason spoke bravely now. "We've called upon you, and you will obey my wishes-" But Jason's words faded as the creature reached its full height.

"No."

The lone syllable made your hair stand on end. You looked up at the man, what you so desperately tried to make out as a man, but it was fruitless. His movements were too smooth, calculated like a predator.

The heated embers of his eyes were harrowing, annoyance dancing across his features. Two short horns were poking out from under the mess of curls.

The creature stalked forward in the circle, and Jason took a step back, but you couldn't move. You couldn't breathe.

"I was not summoned here for you. I don’t serve you."

His expression shifted as he towered over you. The beast of a man crouched down to your eye level. It took everything in you not to scream or lash out. But you were terrified.

He was deceptively handsome, and the shadows of his face were illuminated in the candlelight.

His eyes, blazing with hellfire, changed, just for a moment. If you blinked, you would have missed it, but you could have sworn those dark eyes were brown. That they were almost human. But it was gone in a flash. The weight of the situation you were in was harrowing.

"You're not supposed to be here."

The low rumble of his words was unexpected, and you looked up at him in shock. His words were gentle, his tone leveled.

His eyes narrowed, burning with something angry as he looked down at your palms. You were clutching them both to your chest. The dark cloth of your dress and exposed skin bloomed red.

You were trembling.

He reached out slowly, tugging your hands away from your body before looking at the slashes welling with blood. You were too frightened to move as his eyes swept back to yours.

"They hurt you."

With his other hand, s sharp claw cut the bindings on your arms and legs. It was like he was cutting through butter instead of layers of tape. You watched in amazement as he pulled the tape back from your lips. The shuddering breath you took didn’t deter him.

The man's focus returned to your bloody palms, cupping his hands under yours like a bowl. His hands were warm, his touch slowly dissolving the tension in your shoulders.

"They tricked me," You whispered blindly.

Your focus shifted, fixated on the feeling of his warm hands in yours. Hot, angry tears rolled down your cheeks. You watched as your blood bled between your fingers onto his and down to the ground. A low sound at the back of the creature’s throat pulled your eyes back to his.

It was frustrating. If you thought about it for a moment longer, you would have realized the sound of it was needy, longing even.

“What the hell is going on?” You heard Jason curse from outside the circle, making you wince.

The creature looked at you, his eyes narrowing.

"Oh, sweetheart," His voice was tender, apologetic. Clawed fingers trailed up and over the side of your face. His eyes danced across yours.

You could have sworn you were in a trance.

For a moment, the pentagram and the men outside the circle disappeared. You let all thoughts fade away, looking at the man in front of you. And you just looked at him, scanning the curve of his eyebrows down to the cupid's bow of his lips. He was so stunningly familiar. God, he was beautiful.

"Close your eyes." He instructed, and at your hesitance, he leaned in. His clawed hand cradled your chin, and you watched his eyes soften for the second time, umber pools staring back at you. He smelled of earth and iron. “I will not forsake you.”

His tone was your undoing.

With another long moment of looking at him, you followed his instructions and closed your eyes. He hummed in approval as you felt his touch fall away.

There was a sudden crack, like lightning, in the air. You could smell metal, the heat of it fanning your face. But you kept your eyes closed.

You were steadfast even when the sound of shocked screams and pleas came from Jason and his band of goons. And then there was a thunderous noise of thousands of wings flapping around. A low-clicking noise surrounded you. Bats were swarming the skies. The sounds of carnage tore at your senses. Your lip quivered before you could control yourself.

And all too soon, it was quiet.

Fear gripped your heart, and you were compelled to call out.

“Ad – Abm –” You started but stumbled. You didn’t remember his name. There was a gentle sound of footsteps crunching on leaves before you heard him come back to you.

“I’m right here,” His voice was darker but still controlled. “Don’t call me that name, angel.”

You opened your eyes at the endearment. What was staring back at you was almost human.

You were right. His eyes were brown with the slightest glow, and Jason was gone as you looked around the circle. They were all gone. And his attention was solely on you.

“Your blood,” He urged, pulling your attention back to your hands. “Sweetheart, we need to stop the bleeding.”

You nodded blindly. God, when did your hands start shaking?

He took your left hand and turned it over, dragging his thumb along the incision.

The wound closed before your eyes, leaving behind a raised, thin scar. You let out a breath of relief. Rivulets of your blood stained his hands, but he didn’t care.

The man hesitated when he dropped your hand and moved to the other. You looked up at him carefully.

“You called for me,” His words were heavy, and the air around you was charged with electricity. When you looked up at him, his face was set with the hint of a smile. "I've waited lifetimes for you."

Your heart was hammering in your chest.

You tried to stutter out an apology, that it was all a big mistake, but the shake of his head silenced you. His intentions were set.

"You bled for me," He raised his other hand and sliced into his own palm with a clawed index finger. "And I will bleed for you.”

Thick, dark ichor pooled against his skin. It wasn't natural. You closed your fist instinctively.

"But, why?" You dared to ask. "Why would you do that?"

The look he gave you turned into a boyish grin.

"Because you called for me. I'm bound to you," His eyes were tormenting. "You didn't think I'd go away so easily, did you? If you don't like the sun, I'll make it rain for you. I'll fix all your broken things. I'll keep you nice and close. I'll keep you safe. Don't send me away, angel."

The lilt of his voice was hypnotic.

You weren't sure you could turn him away. You didn't know if you even wanted to. He saved you.

As you listened, your heart ached. You wanted that. You wanted to believe him.

"I'm already bound." He tried again, inching closer.

His plea was so soft, so tender. At the call of your name, your breath hitched, looking up at those big brown eyes. He was looking down at you expectantly.

"Take my hand. Don't make me beg."

He was down on his knees in front of you, his face shrouded in shadows and candlelight. He wasn't the monster you thought him to be.

"Who are you?" You asked in a whisper.

You pushed yourself up to your knees, meeting his eye level.

"Just call me Eddie, sweetheart." He grinned, holding his palm up to you. "Please, take my hand. And I'll explain everything."

You weren't sure if it was the compelling look in his eyes or the softness of his words, but how could you say no?

He saved you. Eddie saved you from the monsters in the woods.

You took his hand without looking away from his eyes, feeling the heat and strength in his hold. You swore you could feel the inky ichor as it mixed with your blood into the cut.

And the way Eddie's eyes lit up? It was like you had hung all the stars in the sky.

But it was too much. The heat in your veins was all-encompassing. You could feel the nerves in your body going haywire.

Eddie’s toothy grin was the last thing you saw before your eyes fluttered shut. He pulled you close before you could fall, sinking into his embrace.

There was a new excitement in his eyes. The candlelight flickered, more intense than it had ever been before.

He was already bound to you. But what he didn't tell you was that you were willingly binding yourself to him. Eddie wasn't worried; he'd have forever to find a way to tell you.

Back to Hellfire Haunts.

#hellfire haunts #demon!eddie #demon!eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female!reader #eddie munson imagine #demon x reader

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fruit-of-infidelity · 2 years ago

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♱ DIABOLIK LOVERS: Haunted Dark Bridal ー Prologue Pt.1 ♱

⌜Monologue⌟

―― As immeasurable as the ocean

Is the depth of my love for you, and you alone;

The more I have to surrender to you,

The more infinite is its growth upon my soul*.

No matter how close I come,

You always seem to escape from my sight.

And still I swear on my very life,

We will be reunited under the stars once again.

　　　　[ Lord Richter ]

⌜Scene: Elysium⌟

Man #1: There is no point in lurking in the shadows anymore. You can feel it too, after all, can’t you? The time is now――

Man #2: It been that long already?

Man #1: Time moves slower down here. Much slower. For them, it has been several upon several years since that night…

Everything should begin to play into our hands.

Just don’t get ahead of yourself. Taking the woman for our own is your priority… Avenging the past is not. Do you understand me?

Man #2: ... ...

Man #1: Do you understand me?

Man #2: …Yes.

Man #1: Then go. You know what you must do.

⌜Scene: Outside the ‘Haunted’ Manor⌟

ー Yui walks towards the house.ー

Yui: ーー Pwah... Could this really be the place?

I never imagined my relatives would live somewhere so... eerie.

( Thank God there is reception out this far... )

My legs are killing me... Haa...

( At any rate, I thought Father said they were apart of the Church as well? But, I don’t see a Church anywhere near here. )

ー Yui walks a little closer.ー

Yui: ... ...

The lights aren’t even on inside... I suppose knocking wouldn’t do any harm, though.

ー She knocks at the front door. ー

Yui: ...Hello? Excuse me!

ー She knocks once again, after silence. ー

Yui: Excuse me! Hello, in there?

... ...

Aah, there really is nobody home.

( Maybe I was right to be skeptical about this place... Especially after those weird looks I got when asking for directions. )

( Something about this place being “haunted”? )

ー There’s a faint rumbling of thunder in the distance.ー

Kya...!

There’s really no way I can stay out here in weather like this! By the sounds of it, it’s going to rain any minute now...

ー The door of the manor creaks open.ー

Yui: Eh? Did the door just open by itself?

( I know I shouldn’t trespass on someone else’s property but... I’ll leave right after the rain and this thundering stops! )

ー Yui makes a dash for cover inside the manor.ー

Yui: Pwah... Haa...

Just in time; it’s beginning to pour...!

ーFaint footsteps sound behind her.ー

Yui: …! Is someone there…!?

( Could it be... the owners of this place? )

I’ve been sent by the Church…!

( No…body? I could have sworn I heard someone creeping around… )

( For some reason I’m really jumpy this evening after hearing all those rumours… I really wish I had just gone with Father… )

ーA man appears behind Yui, his face mostly concealed by his head-covering. ー

???: By the church, you say?

Yui: Kya…! Uuh…!

( Suddenly…my heart…!! )

( H-Heart attack…!? N-No way… )

???: 「ーー Cordelia! You’re so close. Come to me! 」

Yui: ( Where... is that voice coming from? )

ーYui clutches her chest.ー

???: Is something the matter?

Yui: … ...

???: Well?

Yui: It’s just… You scared me…!

???: If that’s all, then please remember to keep your voice down on private property.

Yui: I-I’m sorry…!

( He just appeared out of nowhere…! I heard him coming, but didn’t see him…! )

( Plus, when sneaking up on people, dressed in all black and hiding your face… How are you supposed to not scare people…? )

( Could this man be the relative that my Father was talking about? )

???: From the Church, are you?

Yui: U-Uh, y-yes…!

Please, excuse me for entering this place unannounced...! It was beginning to rain, you see, and I really didn’t mean any trouble.

???: So… You’re the one, then?

I was expecting far less of an eyesore, although I suppose this is for the best. We wouldn’t want you attracting any unwanted attention.

Yui: Unwanted a-attention…?

( What’s more, calling me an eyesore… )

( Is this sort of person really related to Father? I’d thought they have a little more… manners. )

...I’m Komori Yui.

My Father sent for me to come and live with some relatives at this address… Which, I’m assuming, is… you?

???: Your Father?

Yui: Yes…! He’s a Parish Priest, Komori Seiji. He said you would be informed of my visit…?

Ah, wait…! I think I have his letter!

ーYui rustles around for the letter. ー

…Right here.

ーThe man has suddenly disappeared.ー

Yui: Ehー?

( Where did…!? )

He just disappeared into thin air...! No way, right? That man…He must have gone up the hallway when I wasn’t looking…

( Does he expect me to follow him...? )

ー There is a crash of thunder outside suddenly.ー

Kya...!

Excuse me!? Please wait a moment…!

ー Yui presses further into the manor.ー

Yui: Excuse me…!?

( There is nobody at all here… So, just where did that man go, and how did that door open? )

This seriously must have been a misunderstanding somewhere... Either that or that man is just skilfully elusive…

( Maybe it’s best to turn back...? )

???: Nfufu~ Is this who I smelt?

ー A man appears before Yui’s eyes.ー

Yui: ...!

( That’s not the man from before, but... Where did he come from!? )

???: Caught you, red hand~ed.

What do you think you were up to, sneaking in here like that? Trying to catch a glimpse of something unnatural in the haunted house, maybe~?

Yui: E-Ehh!? No, not at all...!

You see, the man from beforeーー

???: Look at that. You’re chattering away like your life depends on it...

And who knows? Maybe it does~

Yui: Wh-What!?

ー A second man suddenly appears.ー

???: Shuddup.

Oi. Laito.

Yui: ( This other person...! He appeared out of thin-air! )

Laito: Nfu, Su~ba~ru~kun. Come to welcome our new house guest too?

Subaru: Che, no. I thought I smelt someone else...

Laito: What a coincidence...

But, alas, it was only Bitch-chan. I’m not totally disappointed though; Doesn’t she look so scrumptious, shaking like that~?

Yui: Wha... Ex-Excuse me! I think I’m in the wr-wrong house... I’m sure there’s just been some misunderstanding!

ー The two of them creep closer.ー

Subaru: You’re the one that wandered in here, it’s your fault you’ve gotten into this mess now, trapped between two Vampires.

Yui: V...Vamp...ire?

Laito: You had no idea? Naw, I suppose we’ll go a little easy on you, for starters then. Fufu, thank you for the meal~!

Yui: No...! God, please...!

ー The windows slam open with wind, the lights blowing out. The two males are forced backwards by an unseen force.ー

Yui: ...!

Laito: Nnh...

Subaru: ...!?

???: Fufufu.

Yui: ( God...? Is that you? Did you hear me!? Thank you...! )

( I’ve got to run for it! )

ー Yui begins to run for the door. ー

???: What the hell is goin’ on?

Yui: Kyaa!

ー Yui suddenly collides with the man, falling to the floor. ー

Yui: Uuf... O-Ouch...

( This man appeared right in my path...! How is that possible? I didn’t have enough time to react, and crashed right into him! )

Laito: Ayato-kun~ Was that your way of trying to get Bitch-chan all to yourself? A little dramatic, don’t you think?

Ayato: Shuddup! Why would I waste my energy on somethin’ like that?

This chick looks more like a stray dog than a tasty meal. Who let her into this place? I was just tryna nap when I heard all the fuss.

Yui: ( Tasty meal...? Just who are these people? )

Laito: She wandered in herself... But this wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened, or the first time we’ve cleaned up the mess, right~?

Subaru: If we’re gonna kill her, we better do it quickly. We’re the only guys ‘round, so we’ll get a bigger fill if we do it right now.

Yui: ( No way! ‘Kill’!? )

J-Just a moment...! You can’t be serious!!

???: I would certainly hope not.

[ ✥ Part Two ✥ ]

━━─┉┈┈◈ Notes ◈┈┈┉─━━

　　1. The way Richter set’s the scene with his prologue here is a reference to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. It’s a reimagining of the quote: “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite”.

━━──┉┈┈◈ ◉ ◈┈┈┉──━━

#(( it begins 😳😳#Diabolik Lovers #haunted dark bridal #ryuuto sakamaki route #sakamaki ryuuto route #ryuuto route #ryuuto hdb route #hdbryuutoprologue #haunted dark bridal prologue #sakamaki ryuuto #ryuuto sakamaki #art

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munsons-maiden · 4 years ago

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𝐂𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫

Hi lovelies! Here's some soft smut with a dash of angst (because I seem to be incapable to write anything without at least a dash of angst 😂). I hope you enjoy! - Love, Kiki 🖤

(PS: I’m still working on all the other lovely requests you’ve sent me 🖤)

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Loki x female reader

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 | by @sunshineyrosie , I hope you like it, dear!

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | An accident at Dr Banner's lab brings you to Loki's doorstep, desperate and in pain, to seek the trickster's help. Loki, who'd once been your friend; who stole your heart and then left without any explanation. (reader is an Avenger & the whole story takes place after the second Thor movie)

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 | smut, fluff, angst with a happy ending

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 9 k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | SMUT (ONLY READ IF YOU'RE 18+ YEARS OLD!), unprotected sex (please be safe in real life and wear a condom!), sex pollen (it's a dub-con trope but these two idiots are secretly in love with each other and I've written it with as much consent as possible)

𝐀/𝐍 | the part written in italics is a flashback

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ♡

𝐀𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝🖤

“Bruce,” you greeted, after a short glance at your phone’s display before accepting the call, “Let me guess, Tony was getting on your nerves and you finally murdered him?”

With your free hand, you shovelled a spoon full of sugar into the mug of fresh, steaming coffee on the kitchen counter in front of you.

The doctor laughed. “Not yet, but he’s working hard to get there. It’s a miracle I haven’t turned into the Hulk yet and smashed the whole town. What about you? I was sure if we left you and Loki alone for a whole week, one of you wouldn’t survive it. Which makes me wonder, since I’m talking to you right now, if we’ll ever find his corpse.”

You forced yourself to a short giggle, but it sounded fake and strained even to your own ears. So, the icy silence between you and Loki had not escaped your friends’ notice.

“Is that why you called?”, you asked with a light-heartedness you didn’t feel, and hadn’t felt in a while, “To make sure I’m still alive? I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

“I called because I forgot to pack my notebook and I need you to send it to me.”

“Can’t FRIDAY just send the necessary data to you?”

A beat of silence, before he answered, a little indignantly, “Notebook as in paper-and-pen, not laptop.”

“How very old-school for somebody who’s working together with Tony Stark.”

“It prods him as much as he keeps prodding my nerves.”

“I’ll get it for you,” you huffed.

“Great. Thank you. It’s a little black, leather-bound book, somewhere in the lab.”

Somewhere in the lab. He could as well have asked you to find a lost ring somewhere in the streets of New York City – the last time you’d set foot in Banner’s lab, which he occasionally shared with Tony, you’d felt as if you’d stepped right into the Room Of Hidden Things from Harry Potter, what with the chaos lurking behind the metal doors.

“It might take a few days. If you don’t hear from me again, I might have gotten lost in there so please send help,” you deadpanned, and told him goodbye.

It felt strange, this quietness which had settled over the Avengers headquarters, like a once lively, bustling city which had been abandoned. It had turned into a ghost town, with everyone gone on separate missions, on visits to families and science conventions. The only two people left to wander the empty rooms were you…and Loki. Ghosts roaming around and haunting each other, you thought with a bitter smile as you grabbed the cup of coffee you’d just prepared and left the kitchen, only to bump into the raven-haired trickster in the doorway.

“Sorry,” you muttered, eyes downcast to avoid his gaze, a gaze which you could still feel on your back as your steps quickened to leave him behind in the hallway, to bring as much distance between the two of you as possible, and as fast as possible. All the while your heart screamed at you to walk back to him, to finally ask the question which kept burning through your mind: why did you push me away like this? What have I done to make you shut me out? It wouldn’t have made a difference, you told yourself. All of the bridges had already burned down. Loki had made sure of it with his rudeness and his silence, and so had you.

***

Ever since you could remember, you’d had trouble sleeping. Nightmares, sleep paralyses, insomnia – the list was endless, and so you regularly found yourself in the living room in the middle of the night, watching whatever trashy TV show was on air right now to silence the thoughts in your mind which seemed to get louder the deeper the hour of the night.

In one of these nights, a short time after Loki’s arrival at the Avengers headquarters, you sat on the sofa, watching TV with a steaming mug of fresh tea clad in your palms to spend some warmth and calm your nerves so you might be able to at least get an hour or two of sleep in the early morning, when a smooth, dark voice chimed up from behind you, “I thought this part of Midgard was opposed to having a harem.”

With a squeal of surprise, you jumped from the sofa – nobody had ever joined you in the living room at three in the morning – and the hot tea spilled all over your hands and bare legs, the short pants of your pyjama no match to stop the scalding water, and a second yelp escaped you, this one distinctly more pained than shocked.

“HEAVENS!”, you half-screamed, half-hissed as you whirled around, coming face to face with the trickster who stood right behind the sofa, having strolled into the living room as silent as a cat.

“I beg your pardon,” he said, eyes wandering briefly down your bare legs before they snapped up to meet your gaze once more, a sly little smirk playing on his lips as he added, “I didn’t think you’d be so immersed in the harem TV show.”

“It’s The Bachelor,” you grumbled while you placed the now half-empty cup of tea on the coffee table beside the sofa and grabbed the fuzzy blanket to wipe the droplets of tea from your legs and arms, all under the god’s scrutinizing gaze, “You could have warned me instead of creeping up on me like this. What are you, a cat?”

“Well, we can’t all announce ourselves by thunder and rock songs”, Loki quipped. “I take it you’re having some trouble sleeping as well?”

“My sleep schedule is none of your business.”

You took a few moments to hold his attentive gaze. Even with only the flickering TV screen as the sole source of light in the room, painting half-shadows over his handsome face as he watched you, you could see how tired he looked. Not as arrogant and witty as he usually carried himself. As if the illusion he cast over himself in the light of day was slipping at night, fading away like Cinderella’s shimmering gown at midnight to turn back into the scraps and rags it was actually made of. Showing what he kept hidden beneath the façade. And beneath, there was loneliness.

“Well then, I’ll see you around, Lady Y/N.”

You heard his footsteps padding softly on the cool tile floor, retreating to the door, and felt a pang of guilt in your chest. Loneliness was a feeling you knew all too well.

“You could join me,” you chimed up, following some strange impulse, and it sounded way more timid than you’d intended.

The footsteps halted, and you turned to glance at Loki.

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll stab you if you fall asleep?”, he inquired smugly, and you rolled your eyes.

“That’s a great conversation starter,” you quipped, “But don’t worry, you’re not as threatening as you think. And I don’t sleep in the presence of people I don’t trust.”

He chuckled and seated himself at the other end of the sofa, as far away from you as possible, before he inquired with a critical yet confused glance at the TV, “What even is it we’re watching?”

“The Bachelor,” you explained. “There are a lot of women he dates and at the end of each episode, some of them get a rose from him, which means he’ll keep dating them. It goes on until there’s only one woman left.”

“What happens with the ones who don’t get a rose?”

“They’re stabbed and given over to the sea.”

Loki blinked, before a wicked little grin flashed on his face, and your heart stumbled a little in your chest.

“I wouldn’t have expected for your humour to be as dark as the shadows under your eyes, but you’re proving me wrong. I’m impressed.”

“I bet you’re quite attractive when you shut your mouth,” you quipped sweetly, and Loki’s smirk morphed into a delighted grin at your clap-back.

“You’re a feisty one.”

“You’ve been here for a minute and, between the criticism of my looks and the vague death threat, you’re already more annoying than every commercial break combined,” you remarked with raised eyebrows, “How do you do that?”

“I consider myself a natural talent, but honing these skills through practice from time to time doesn’t hurt, either.”

You couldn’t help the little snicker which escaped your lips at his words.

From this night on, you knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away from Loki. One night spent watching TV together from different ends of the sofa, both of you careful and wary of the other’s presence, turned into a second night the day after, and finally a third, until it was an unspoken agreement between the two of you: you met in the living room at night to watch TV and, with time, talk.

When Loki had joined the team and moved into the Avengers headquarters, you’d expected a ruthless criminal who still posed a threat to the world and everybody in it. You’d expected him to be arrogant and reckless, to dislike him at best – and despise him at worst.

And now, it turned out that Loki was neither of these things; not even close. No, the first thing you’d noticed during this first real encounter with the trickster had been the shadow of loneliness which seemed to surround him like a layer of clothing, a loneliness you could all too well relate to.

Loki, you discovered, was not menacing or arrogant, but witty and…kind. In the span of the following weeks, these weird, clandestine meetups in the living room in the dead of night, when everyone else had fallen asleep a long while ago, became your highlight of the day – so much so that you found yourself, for the first time in your life, looking forward to nightfall and padded downstairs to wait for Loki even in the nights where sleep would have come easily.

And with every night spent in front of the flickering TV screen, with the winking city lights outside like an upside-down sea of stars, the distance between the two of you on the sofa shrank as fast as the distance between your hearts while Loki told you of his childhood as a prince of Asgard, and you told him of your own life. He never spoke about how it had felt, growing up in the shadow his brother was casting, but he didn’t have to. It was all there, between the lines.

The loneliness, the feeling of never quite belonging. Most of all, though, Loki told you of his mother, and the softness and love shining in his beautiful eyes alongside the grief as he did, made your heart bleed for him. You knew how Frigga’s life had found its brutal end as she’d tried to protect Jane Foster. Thor had told you, though you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else to the story. Something Thor didn’t know, but Loki did – but of course, you never asked.

Over these next few weeks, something was changing.

You began to fall for the mischievous trickster – slowly at first, and then faster and faster, as if the fall was picking up speed. And you let it happen, because hearts are stubborn things, evading every reason and command. All you could do was hope that Loki would be there to catch your fall, eventually, and you never needed to find out how it would feel to hit the ground in the end.

In one of these nights, you woke with a start – to realize that you had fallen asleep with your head resting on Loki’s shoulder. As you stirred awake now with a yawn, you murmured, “How long was I gone?”

Your eyes drifted to the windows and the darkness beyond. The sun hadn’t yet started to rise.

“Maybe half an hour.”

I don’t fall asleep in the presence of people I don’t trust, you’d told him that first night. You could tell from the expression on his handsome face that he was remembering your words as well.

You righted yourself on the sofa, and your gaze met Loki’s. The light of the TV danced in his stunning eyes, and the expression in them, a mixture of softness and something else, made your heart rate accelerate and your breath hitch in your throat as the last wisps of drowsiness loosened their grasp on your mind. You realized how close the two of you were sitting, your legs brushing against his, faces only inches apart as you kept gazing at each other in a silence only broken by the low voices droning on from the TV. All of a sudden, you felt more awake than you ever had in your life. It had nothing to do with the power nap you’d just taken, and everything with the gentle look in Loki’s mesmerizing ocean eyes.

Never had anybody looked at you the way the Loki did now.

“Did I…miss anything important?”, you asked, clearing your throat as you realized how hoarse your voice suddenly sounded.

“You did, indeed. Peach – I still refuse to believe it’s her real name, though – had a date with the Bachelor, and they kissed. When she told the others, the blonde one – the one with the ugly shoes – slapped her.”

“They slapped each other and you didn’t wake me up to witness it?”, you retorted with feigned shock, placing your hand over your heart for good measure to underline the dramatics, and Loki smirked.

“I didn’t think it was important enough to wake you. After all, we’re here because we’re dealing with insomnia.”

The last sentence sounded like a question rather than a statement. I’m here because of you, you wanted to tell him. But like so often in life, the lack of courage had stopped you.

“Though do you think the Bachelor will pick Peach in the end?”, you finally asked with a low voice, trying to break the awkward silence which had settled over the two of you.

“That was an awful pun,” Loki commented, before his face grew serious again. “I don’t think he’ll pick her. The kiss wasn’t real.”

“Real,” you repeated hollowly, not knowing what else to reply at the intensity flaring in Loki’s gaze as he still held yours. “How do you know if a kiss is real, then? I suppose you’ve had your fair share of experience, as a prince.” It stung, to think about all the other princes and princesses Loki might have kissed and bedded, beautiful immortals compared to whom you surely faded like the reflection in the glass of a tarnished mirror.

Loki chuckled softly, and his eyes drifted down to your lips – a fleeting moment, so brief that you wondered if you’d imagined it before his eyes snapped up to meet yours again, and he said, “None of it has ever been real. None of it has ever been anything else than lies and illusions. But if I had to take a guess how a real kiss should feel like…I would say fireworks. Bursts of sparks in the most radiant colours in your chest, loud and explosive and all-consuming against the darkness of the night sky.”

You could feel your pulse racing with every one of his words, spoken in a voice which slowly morphed into a hoarse whisper as Loki leaned closer to you, so close now that the tip of his nose was brushing against yours and your eyes fluttered closed with the sensation of his warm breath prickling on your lips, his scent all around you –

The brush of his lips against yours was fleeting, as delicate as the fragile wing of a butterfly, and it made your whole body tingle as if every single nerve had burst into colourful sparks. Fireworks, indeed. You tilted your head a little to deepen the kiss – but Loki’s hands grasped your shoulders, and he pushed you away, shock written all over his face. His eyes were wide, as if he were horrified by what you’d done – what you both had done.

“I’m sorry,” you stammered, “I –“

“I can’t.”

Your mouth fell open, and for a few stunned, horrified seconds, there was nothing you could do but gape at him before Loki finally spoke, “I should go.”

“No – wait,” you began, “Loki, I’m sorry, let’s just forget it ever happened…” The words were spinning in your mind in the whirlwind of embarrassment and hurt and the fear to lose Loki as your friend – because that’s what he was, that’s what he’d become over these past weeks – and you stammered, voice soft and pleading, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You can’t lose what has never been there.”

With these parting words, he left. It had been the last clandestine TV night, and it had been the last time you’d talked to him. The distance was back between the two of you, like a vast, frozen lake too dangerous to cross, the ice waiting to give underneath your feet and the freezing water to swallow and drown you, should you ever try to get to the other side.

***

Before you’d met Loki, you’d always made fun of the term “broken heart”. A heart was a muscle – an important one, but still nothing more than that. Hearts didn’t have anything more to do with love than lungs or kidneys. And they most certainly couldn’t break.

But the moment Loki had pushed you away, had rejected you without any explanation and shut you out of his life, you realized that you’d been wrong all along.

Hearts could break. Yours had been shattered into a million pieces. And it hurt – a pain deeper than any physical pain could ever feel, a pain which never seemed to cease but only grew dull over the days, ready to flare to life whenever you met Loki in the hallways, the kitchen, the training rooms. It felt as if a monster had settled in your chest, nestled itself between your ribs, ready to sink its teeth and talons into your heart whenever your eyes fell on the raven-haired trickster to tear open the barely healed gashes and make you bleed all over again.

Avoiding someone who was living in the same building was no easy thing to achieve. But seeing him was worse. So much worse. So you’d changed your schedule. Meals were taken as fast as possible. You trained whenever Loki didn’t. The living room had become a restricted area altogether.

How was it even possible for someone to, in the span of mere weeks, steal your heart, paint your world in the most vibrant, beautiful colours – and leave you behind bleeding and heartbroken and grieving? Loki had been the one. You’d felt it with every smile, every shared laugh, every glance which lingered longer than it should have. He’d been the love of your life, and he would always be. Maybe his blatant rejection would have hurt less if he’d given you an explanation, instead of this frozen silence which had left so much room for your own dark thoughts and musings.

You’d known him for a few weeks, but when he’d started to walk away from you, he’d taken all the colour with him, leaving you behind in this sad world of hues of grey. You missed him so much. The secret nights of watching TV together, his laughter, the way he’d made you feel safe. Safe, and safe to be yourself around him, as safe as you’d never felt with anyone else.

From strangers to friends – and to strangers again.

Loki had become the headlights on your path, keeping the night of loneliness at bay for you, a guiding light in the darkness surrounding you. Now, it was dark once more.

You were glad he wouldn’t see the fresh tears which spilled from your eyes, and hurried down the corridor without another word.

***

The tears were still wet on your cheeks as you reached the laboratory in the tower’s lower levels, and your hands trembled slightly as you punched in the security code, before glancing into the camera for the retina scan.

“Your eyes are very puffy,” FRIDAY’s pleasant voice droned from an invisible speaker.

“Gee, thanks. You know how to give a compliment. Can you please just let me in?”

“You look as if you have cried, miss.”

“That’s because I have,” you muttered your reply as the metal doors swung open and you stepped inside.

As Bruce Banner’s assistant, you’d visited the laboratory more times than you could count – but you’d never been down here alone. There had always been Bruce, silently adjusting numbers on screens or preparing ominous liquids, or Tony, AC/DC blaring through every speaker at an ear-shattering volume as he tinkered with one of his many iron suits. Now, with the two of them temporarily gone, the lab held an eerie atmosphere. Like the lair of mad scientists rather than heroes.

But FRIDAY wasn’t done yet with her enquiry. “Is there anything I can do for you, miss?”

“Yes”, you answered with a half-hearted quip as you walked on, “Let it go.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin when the first tunes of the Disney song started playing, and the coffee you’d still clutched in your hand spilled over your shirt, the hot liquid burning your skin as it seeped through the fabric, and you hissed in pain.

“Not the song, FRIDAY! The topic!”, you shouted into the vastness of the lab, groaning in frustration as you searched for something to dab at the stain of coffee quickly spreading on the front of your shirt. There you were, stained with coffee, heartbroken, crying alone in the middle of a lab as queen Elsa herself continued to sing her heart out, while you were screaming at an artificial intelligence program – and felt guilty about snapping at it nonetheless.

“Apologies, miss. You haven’t been clear about it”, FRIDAY answered – did she sound indignant? – and the song stopped, drenching the room in silence once more as your gaze roamed the space.

It wouldn’t have hurt to give it a dusting, you noticed as you strolled through the assortments of tables filled with microscopes, vials, bits of computers and devices the name of which you didn’t know, your eyes scanning the room for the little black notebook Bruce had described to you. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

“I’ll spend the night here,” you groaned after a few minutes of futile search, “Somebody sedate me.”

“Anaesthesia prepared. Initiate Knock-Out Protocol,” FRIDAY’s pleasant voice rang through the air, and before you realized what was happening, one of the robotic arms placed on a table beside you swung around, the tip of a syringe catching the bright overhead lights, and your eyes widened.

“No!”, you screeched as you dodged out of the way, barely avoiding the tip of the needle to pierce the skin on your upper arm, “Stop it! FRIDAY STOP IT!”

She didn’t. She didn’t even answer, and with a string of curses, you realized that the robotic arm wasn’t an arm at all but a whole damn robot opening the hunt for you. Another swing with the syringe had you jump out of the way and over a table, but this time, you weren’t fast enough. Metal hit your head, hard, and you were sent flying into the tiled top of the nearest table, skittering over the surface in a rain of equipment and shards as vials burst at the impact, before you landed on the ground on the other side with a huff as the force of your fall momentarily knocked the air from your lungs.

“Knock-Out Protocol paused,” FRIDAY announced cheerfully.

“I’ll pause you,” you groaned as you sat up, wincing a little at the sting at your left forearm, but before you could check yourself for any injuries, a cloud of something that looked suspiciously like pollen, glittering beneath the lab’s artificial lights, rose around you, and you sneezed. When the sparkling dust had settled over the nearby surfaces – and all over you, your hair, your clothes – your eyes fell on the bleeding gash the shards had torn into your arm. It wasn’t deep enough to be dangerous, but it hurt nonetheless, and you sighed at the blood seeping out of the wound to dribble all over your clothes and mingle with the glittering dust.

With another huff, you grabbed the nearest surface to pull yourself back on your feet. Further examination showed you that, during your fall, you’d knocked down a glass case which had contained a plant; the very same glass case which had shattered and cut you. Eyes narrowed, you bent down to save what was left of the – surprisingly sturdy – plant. Despite the fact that you’d fallen on it, it still looked pretty. The leaves and the red blossom, glittering with its pollen, looked strange. Otherworldly. It probably was. Or a mutation of some kind.

You placed it half-heartedly back on the tiled top of the table and limped out of the lab. Enough for one day. Banner’s notebook could wait. You needed to dress the wound and rinse off the pollen, and then, all you wanted to do was sleep.

***

Stepping out of the shower, you quickly dried off, wrapped yourself in the dressing gown Nat had given you for Christmas with a comment on how your wardrobe could use some spiciness – you could hardly call it a dressing gown; it made from black silk with lots and lots of lace adorning the sleeves and barely reaching down to cover your butt, but you had to admit that you felt, indeed, sexy and confident wearing it – and settled down cross-legged on the bed with the little first aid kit you kept in your bathroom to dress the cut the shards of glass had torn into your forearm.

The bleeding had stopped, and the pain was bearable – as an Avenger, you were used to worse injuries, that was part of the job description – but your vision blurred as you tried to dab some iodine on the cut, and you blinked rapidly to clear your sight.

It was also warm. The hot shower had probably boosted your blood circulation, you pondered as you rose from the bed to check if the air conditioning in your room was already running, but all of a sudden, the floor seemed to move beneath your bare feet, shifting like a ship at sea, and you caught yourself on the wall.

Not good. This was not good.

It didn’t take long for the realization to hit that this was neither caused by circulatory problems nor tiredness. The strange plant. The sparkling pollen.

Suddenly, you felt scared. What if you collapsed on the floor? What if the plant had been poisonous? You needed help. You needed to call Banner and tell him –

With a new surge of panic, you realized that you’d left your phone in the kitchen, at the other end of the building. There was nobody else in the tower but…Loki.

You could practically hear your bad luck laughing at you.

Another wave of vertigo flooded you. Warm. It was too warm.

Was your condition serious enough to rouse him? It was already late in the evening; Loki had probably gone to bed already. He most definitely didn’t want to see you. And you…did you want to see him? You did. You were missing him terribly.

Focus, you chided yourself as you worked up the strength for your wobbly legs to carry you to your door and into the hallway. Tiny white stars danced in your vision as the floor seemed to jerked under your feet, as if you were standing on the back of a giant monster which kept trying to shake you off. And right now, it seemed the floor was winning. Yes, you needed help. Now.

Panting, clad only in your dressing gown, hair wet and leaving a trail of droplets on the polished floor, you stumbled through the hallway, into the elevator which would bring you to Loki’s room two levels above your own, along another hallway…there was the door.

It felt like walking through a dream. Everything was strangely detached, and there was the hue of unnatural brightness creeping in at the edges of your field of vision, making you feel as if you were glancing through one of these contorted binoculars they had at fairgrounds. When you raised your fist to knock on the smooth wood, you tried to take a moment to steady yourself and catch your breath.

As if he’d sensed your presence, the door swung open to reveal Loki, and he took a surprised step back at the sight of you, leaning against the wall beside his door. His eyes widened as they briefly travelled down your form before snapping up again to meet yours, and it dawned on you that you were still half-naked, wearing nothing but delicate silk and lace, your hair a soaked mess which dribbled onto the black fabric which clung to your shoulders.

Loki himself, you realized, was wearing something you’d have described as the Asgardian version of a comfortable outfit – which was still one hundred percent more elegant and classy than any sweatpants – but he didn’t look as if he’d gone to bed already. He looked wide awake.

Your heart bled as you took him in, at the loss of his friendship and everything it could have grown into, but there was a twisted spark of happiness as well. You’d missed him so much. If your predicament was the reason you could talk to him again, at least for one last time before he would shut you out once again, it might be worth the pain.

“I’m – I don’t feel good”, you chimed up timidly to break the astonished silence between the two of you, and your voice sounded strange. As if you heard someone else talking. As if you were underwater. The second thing you realized was that the strange roar you kept hearing wasn’t the sound of waves – it was the sound of your own blood rushing in your ears.

“I can see that,” Loki deadpanned.

“As charming as ever,” you retorted, and your words slurred. It sounded as if you’d ran a marathon. Actually, you felt as if you’d ran the whole way instead of creeping through the hallway with the vigour of a zombie, palm always on the wall as you dragged your steps along. Your chest was rapidly rising and falling with every laboured breath.

“Are you drunk?”, Loki inquired with a sceptical glance at your imbalanced posture.

“Wish I was.”

It was so easy, to get back to the usual bantering which had paved the way to your friendship. But we aren’t friends anymore, you reminded yourself. He doesn’t want to be your friend. He doesn’t want to be your anything.

“You look like you downed an entire liquor store,” he went on and took a few steps closer to you, and his eyes narrowed as he tilted his head a little to examine your face with a stern expression of his own. “I don’t want to have you puking all over me.”

“The only thing making me want to puke is you.”

“Why did you bother to visit me at all, then?”

“As I said, I don’t feel –“

You didn’t get to finish your sentence before the floor bucked once more, this time accompanied by a wave of heat travelling through your body like a forest fire, and you were thrown off balance with a groan of pain. Loki was at your side in an instant, catching your fall before you could hit the floor, and he finally seemed to have realized that something was, indeed, wrong.

“You really need help,” he muttered, and despite the vertigo and the sudden pain, you couldn’t help but mumble, “I wouldn’t be here if I could have prevented it.”

“Glad to see you kept your belligerence.”

“Glad to see you kept your arrogance,” you shot back through gritted teeth, with as much dignity as you could muster in your dizzy, pained, half-naked state, with his strong arms around you making your heart race for a whole lot of other reasons, and Loki’s glossy black strands tickled your cheeks as he glanced down at you in his arms, his face suddenly so close to yours, and alarm slowly crept into his blue gaze.

With a gentleness in his honeyed voice which you’d never heard before, never thought the trickster capable of, he said, “I’ll carry you inside, okay?”

You gave a weak nod, and Loki bent down to lock one hand at the back of your knees, supporting your spine with the other as he carefully picked you up and carried you over the threshold like a groom might carry his bride, before he placed you down on his bed.

His bed. Had your mind been clear, you’d have started to protest, but there was no strength left in your muscles. With another agonized groan you rolled to your side, tugging your legs closer to your chest as your whole body seemed to go up in flames and your boiling blood turned into tiny needles which sliced through veins and skin with every heartbeat.

It felt as if you were burning alive.

Through the veil of tears blurring your eyes, you saw Loki’s calm façade crumbling, and concern fused into worry. No, not worry – something way more fierce. Panic. He was panicked…for you?

“Make it stop,” you whimpered helplessly before your voice broke, and at the periphery of you vision you saw Loki settle on the bed beside you, felt the mattress dip, and the flames in your body seemed to roar hungrily as the god’s hands settled on the sides of your face.

“You’re burning with fever.”

“Make it stop. Please make it stop.” Your voice was breaking with the pain, and the strange sensation which was building in your lower belly; a feral feeling of desperately needing something…someone…

“I’ve got you,” Loki’s voice cut through the haze of your racing thoughts as his hands began to gently massage your temples, “I’ve got you. We need to cool you down.”

And he did. Where his fingertips made contact with your skin, a pleasant coldness seemed to ooze into your very blood to ease some of the scorching heat, and a shaky exhale left you as Loki’s hands slowly wandered down over your neck, your shoulders, your arms, spreading the cold throughout your body. It felt as if you were slowly sinking into a lake, its soothing cold waters immersing your aching body, and for a few glorious minutes, you could feel the relief of the sensation Loki’s magic was granting you. Your eyes fluttered close when your strained muscles relaxed. It felt as if you were floating.

“Is it getting better?”, he asked quietly, and the slight quiver in his voice didn’t escape your notice.

You breathed, “A little.”

“Will you tell me what happened?”

You could feel his fingertips hovering over the cut on your arm, and when you opened your eyes to meet his gaze, the softness of his voice was mirrored in his beautiful ocean eyes. He was bent over you, his hands still working his magic, and you could see that the skin on the tips of his fingers had turned blue. When he noticed your gaze, a flicker of sadness crossed his features before he muttered, obviously trying to sound as indifferent as possible, “Being monstrous has its benefits.”

“You’re not monstrous,” you protested softly.

For a split second, Loki looked surprised, and you thought he was about to say something else. Had you missed you as much as you’d missed him? Did he still think about the night he’d pushed you away, the kiss the two of you had shared? But the moment passed, and you cleared your throat. “I had an accident in the lab. One of Tony’s robots went rampage and I fell into a glass case with some plant and cut myself. I went to take a shower because there was pollen everywhere and then I started to feel like everything was on fire, so it’s safe to say I poisoned myself”, you croaked.

“And waited until now to tell – “ he began, but with a look of horror dawning on his face, his hands left their place on your wrists to gasp your upper arms before he pressed, “Which plant? What did it look like?”

At the loss of his cool touch, which seemed to be the only thing to keep the pain at bay, the agony rushed back to you, crawling beneath your skin like a swarm of venomous spiders. You doubled over once more with a low moan as you croaked, “Red petals. Like…like clover.”

Your throat was sore, and your skin, you realized now, was clammy with sweat; your breathing shallow and laboured, and white-hot anguish shot through your lower abdomen like a bolt of lightning, making you groan.

When Loki didn’t reply, panic seized you – and another wave of this strange heat in your lower belly, this pulsing need between your legs; an ache in your core like you’d never felt it before. Ravenous. Raw. Primal. Intensifying with every passing minute.…And with terror, realization hit you what it was you were feeling.

“Loki, I –“

“It’s an Asgardian plant. We call it crimson clover. In low doses, its pollen has a calming effect, used in the infirmary and to induce sleep. That’s why Banner asked Thor to bring him a specimen of it as a sample. He hoped it could help him gain control over his transformation into the Hulk.” Loki’s voice sounded strangely hollow.

“And high doses?”, you urged, and it cost you everything not to moan aloud with the growing need glowing in your core, the urge to let your hands slide down between your legs and stroke yourself, to ease this ravenous urge. No. Please, no. No no no…

“In high doses, it’s a neurotoxin, which enhances heartrate and…other functions.”

“Am I going to die?” Fresh tears started pricking at the corners of your eyes as you glanced up at Loki’s, whose grasp on your arms had loosened to a gentle touch at your words, before he assured, “No. No, you’ll live. It just makes you…”

He drifted off, obviously searching for a good way to put it, when you finished blatantly, “Horny.”

“You could put it that way.”

“Oh god,” you choked out, pressing your hands to your burning face in horror and embarrassment, but Loki gently pried them away to make you look at him.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, “Oh god, I’m so sorry –“

“Don’t be,” Loki hushed, and tears choked you at the tenderness with which he spoke to you despite everything that had happened between the two of you, all these things which didn’t make sense and the questions which kept haunting your mind day and night. He cared for you. You’d sensed it before, and you could see it now in the compassion shining in his eyes as he looked down at you, sprawled on his bed.

You wanted the ground to open up and swallow you whole. Everything to be spared the humiliation of the damned plant’s toxin wreaking havoc in your body and twisting your hormones, taking every shred of dignity as you burned alive with this agonizing desire. The sensations which kept flooding your body at the slightest movement, the slightest touch of the bedsheets against your exposed skin, the damp fabric of your dressing gown plastered to your feverish skin, were too overpowering for your senses, and every one of Loki’s touches seemed to worsen your condition further, feeding these greedy flames of need. You felt as if you might go crazy with lust.

“If you…um. Would give me a few minutes?”

“To help yourself?”, Loki asked with a stern expression.

“Either that or to die of embarrassment,” you deadpanned with a croak, “Probably the latter.”

Loki chuckled softly, but the concern in his gaze was unrelenting. “It doesn’t work like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“It has to be someone else. Or your condition will just worsen.”

“How long, then? How long until it stops on its own?”, you urged, desperation growing with every second of silence which filled the air as Loki contemplated his words, before he replied, “Days.”

You would have stared at him in horror, but your world was already fading into the white noise of pain sizzling along every nerve, every sinew and muscle and bone in your body. It felt like dying. You could only hope that the blackness which had begun to slowly creep in at the edges of your contorted vision would hurry to render you unconscious, passed out with agony so you wouldn’t have to suffer through these next few days.

“Let me help you, Y/N” Loki murmured softly, his voice nearly drowned out by the pounding of your racing pulse in your ears.

“Coldness helped,” you gasped, clammy hands clutching the bedsheets as another wave of pain rattled your bones, and you bit back a groan when Loki’s hands, still cool with his magic, cradled the sides of your face again to gently tilt your head and make you look up at him.

“We can’t put you in a freezer for the next days. You’re in pain. And I can’t…I can’t stand to see you in pain. Please, let me help you,” he implored.

“No,” you said, surprised by the vehemence in your weak voice as you shook your head, “No, I can’t let you do this.”

He frowned with hurt. “You would rather endure days of agony instead of giving in and letting me help you?”

“I can’t…”, you choked, interrupted by a sharp inhale of breath. Breath which seemed to burn your lungs as if you’d swallowed acid. With the last remains of strength you could muster, you whispered, “I can’t ask that of you.”

Your eyes fluttered close at the sensation of Loki’s fingers brushing away stray strands of your wet hair which had fallen into your face, before he murmured, “You didn’t ask. I’m offering. It’s my decision to offer – and it’s your decision to accept.”

The pad of his thumb ghosted over your cheek, and only then did you realize your face was wet with tears. Tears Loki was swiping away with a tenderness in his touch, in his gaze, that made your stupid little heart stumble in your chest. How many times had you imagined him looking at you the way he did now, touching you with such gentleness? But not like this. I couldn’t happen like this.

“We can forget about it, when it’s over,” he offered quietly, his tone growing more desperate, “We can pretend it never happened. Just let me help you. I just…I just want you to be okay.”

He was right. You needed help. And if anyone, you wanted it to be him.

“Okay.”

It was all the reassurance he needed, and the mattress dipped beneath you as Loki shifted and carefully pulled you with him, placing you between his legs with your back resting against his chest, and even this slight touch on your arms made you groan with unbearable desire flaring in your core.

“I’ll take care of you,” he soothed, and placed one hand on the damp skin over your collarbone to uphold his cooling magic and keep your fever as low as possible, while his other hand slowly wandered down to the apex of your thighs and the arousal pooling there, already running down your bare thighs, and you desperately rutted your hips in need of friction.

“Is this okay?”, Loki mumbled softly against the shell of your ear, and you gave him a breathless, panting nod, while he continued to let his hand roam down over the damp silk of your dressing gown, giving you time to stop him should you change your mind. You didn’t, though. You wanted nothing more than for him to touch you, to hold you...

“I promise I’ll make you feel good, my love,” Loki kept murmuring while his hand finally dove beneath the fabric of your flimsy dressing gown, and his voice was like honey running down a sore throat, a soothing balm against the guilt and shame raging beneath this all-consuming desire. Reassuring you that it was okay – something you needed to hear more than anything else right now. In the delirious state of your mind, you wondered if he’d actually called you love, or if you’d started hallucinating with the raging fever eating away at you. The touch of his cool hand against your blazing skin made you bite your lip with a drawn whine, eliciting the sweetest sensations in your fever-addled body.

“No need to stay quiet,” he encouraged softly, “Be as loud as you want to, darling.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice. A desperate cry fell from your lips when Loki dragged his cool fingers along the slickness of your folds, slowly spreading your arousal before he started to caress the throbbing bundle of nerves between your legs with gentle brushes of his fingertips. Your head fell back against his shoulder as you rolled your hips against his hand with the despair of a starving person at a banquet table, and every rational thought left you. The pleasure which flooded your body was unlike anything you’d ever felt, singeing your nerves until you felt like you might burst with it, craving more, more, more…

Loki’s breath against the column of your throat summoned trails of goosebumps on your heated skin while he started to whisper praises you his words a susurration which tangled with your moans.

“You’re doing so good, my love.” The tenderness in his hoarse voice made warmth bloom in your chest. His words, you knew, were meant to convey so much more. It’s okay. You don’t need to be ashamed. I’ve got you. It’ll be alright.

“You…” you breathed, and your lips brushed over the skin of his neck as you angled your head, “You feel so good.” The sensation of your lips against his throat made him utter a low moan, such a lovely sound; oxygen feeding the hungry flames in your core, and you rutted more desperately against his fingers to chase these sweet sensations…

His cheek was resting against yours, ink black curls tickling the side of your face as you tilted your head and the tip of your nose brushed against his jaw, feeling his own thundering heartbeat against your spine as another glowing bolt of bliss made you arch your back as Loki kept building your climax with slow caresses, his cool fingertips dancing over your clit in time with the movement of your hips, clouding your lust-addled mind and stealing every last ounce of control as the ball of fire in your aching core morphed into an explosion.

Your climax was so forceful that it knocked the wind from your lungs and let darkness seep into your mind, and you were glad nobody else was in the headquarters because you were certain the cry which spilled from the back of your throat as Loki’s skilled fingers continued to massage your clit and guide you through your orgasm would have woken everyone up to the highest storeys.

When the waves of your orgasm finally ebbed, consciousness started to reclaim your senses, and the haze over your mind lifted as fast as it had descended upon you, leaving behind nothing but pure, unadulterated grief. Grief, because it was over and you would leave, and you would never again feel Loki’s arms around you, his heartbeat thrumming against your skin, his voice whispering to you.

“Ssshh, it’s okay,” Loki soothed with a whisper, and suddenly his arms were around you, pulling you closer into him, “Did it work? Are you okay?”

“It did,” you uttered on a broken whimper, “It…Thank you.”

With the pain gone, the fire in your core extinguished and the toxin burnt from your system, there was no reason for you to stay. Loki had made it clear that he didn’t want to have anything to do with you, and the least you could do now was respect his wishes. But as you shuffled out of his arms to leave the bed and his rooms, his fingers wrapped gently around your wrist to hold you back and he pressed, “You’re crying, Y/N. You don’t seem to be okay so, please, tell me what’s made you cry. Because there is nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing you should feel guilty about.”

The pain in his words was more than you could bear, and when you finally shifted at the edge of the bed to look at him, his hand still holding your wrist, you could see tears brimming in his beautiful ocean eyes while he held your gaze.

“I miss you, Loki.” It came out as a quiet, broken sob, along with fresh tears spilling from your eyes. “I miss you every day. Every night. But I know that you want me gone and I respect that, so that’s what I’ll –“

You didn’t get to finish the sentence. Your mind went beautifully blank when Loki’s lips captured yours in a kiss which left your breathless and dizzy in the best of ways, urgent and desperate as his hands found their way to the sides of your head and he pulled you closer, making your heartbeat stumble and kindling new flames in your core, flames which felt right, so much better than the desire the toxin had awakened in you.

The world blurred and nothing else mattered anymore as the two of you sank down onto the mattress together, Loki situating himself on top of you, your legs wrapping around his waist to pull him closer while your fingers wove through his soft raven strands, and the blissful moan which escaped him at the sensation sparked another burst of colours in your chest. Fireworks.

“I need you,” you breathed, “I need to feel you.”

Upon hearing these words, Loki broke the kiss to glance down at you, worry flashing in his eyes as he asked, “This…this is real, is it? Not the toxin?”

“It’s real,” you reassured with a breathless smile, and his lips where on yours again, one of his hands gently tilting your head to deepen the kiss, coaxing open your mouth to taste you, and you could feel his clothed erection pressing against your core, eliciting a sweet torrent of pleasure which cascaded through you, and you languidly rolled your hips against his, grinding your soaked core against his length to summon another lovely sound from Loki’s lips as his free hand left its place on your chin to tangle in your wet hair.

Your hands slid between your bodies and down to free him, and the groan he uttered against your lips when you grabbed him and aligned him with your dripping entrance was the most beautiful sound you’d ever heard, and you took your sweet time to drag his tip along the wetness of your folds, his breath hot and heavy on your lips, feeling how his grip in your hair tightened with the sensation.

“Are you sure?”, Loki whispered once more, and your heart seared at the tenderness in his coarse voice, the affection shining in his lust-darkened eyes as he gazed at you as if you were the only person in the world. As if you were his whole world. He was stunning in every way, with the slight flush in his cheeks, the ghost of the soft smile which played on his lips, the stray curls of his raven hair which fell into his face, and you reached out with one hand to brush them away from his forehead before you murmured, “I need you more than anything else.”

His gaze stayed locked on yours as he slid into you, burying himself in your throbbing walls until he filled you to the brim, with a gentleness as if he were scared that he could break you. The sensation of him sheathed inside of you, his chest rapidly rising and falling against yours, breathing in each other, relishing the sensation of each other, made your eyes flutter close with overwhelming bliss.

“You feel so good,” he whispered, pressing a trail of kisses along the line of your jaw. The soft moan which spilled from your lips in reply was swallowed by his kiss as he started to move, burrowing himself deeper inside your dripping heat with every languid thrust, and you felt your walls clench around him with every electric wave of pleasure he sent through you.

Head tipping back with pleasure, you slid your hands beneath the soft verdant fabric of his shirt and to the soft skin of his back, nails leaving scratch marks as you pulled him closer and deepened the kiss, and you could feel the pace of his thrusts quickening, matching the movement of your own hips snapping against his with every wanton whimper tearing from you, every stroke of his tip against the sweet spot deep inside of you.

It was your name on his lips, murmured against your own, which made you come undone with a cry of pleasure as the first waves of your orgasm swept through you, immersing you in this beautiful glowing warmth Loki made you feel, the euphoria he instilled in your very soul, and you clung to him like a lifeline as your muscles went limp and he chased his own high beside you with faltering pace, telling you he was close as well.

“I love you,” he murmured as you felt him come undone inside of you, stealing another greedy kiss from your lips as the feeling of his hot cum spilling inside of you, paired with the confession he’d just whispered, unravelled you for a third time that night, gentle and all-consuming, filling you with bliss and love and the beautiful feeling of being safe and sound in his arms, surrounded by him, bodies moulded and souls aligned like the stars dancing in your vision while Loki gently rested his forehead against yours and helped you ride out both your climaxes.

A few heartbeats of silence passed in which you both waited for your ragged breathing to calm, your heartbeats to slow. You wanted to stay like this until the end of time itself, him buried inside of you, as close as possible with his heartbeat in tune with your own.

“Did you – did you mean that?”, you panted.

“I did. I do. Every word”, he rasped, and his hand slid out of your hair to caress your cheek as he continued, “I love you, Y/N.”

Against the lump forming in your throat, you whispered, “Then why did you push me away after that kiss?”

His expression darkened, sadness obscuring the happiness which had glimmered in his ocean eyes.

“I should never have treated you this way, my love. But I was scared.”

“To let me get close?”

You cupped his face between your palms, and whispered, “I love you, too, Loki. I love you so much. But I need to know why you did it.”

He nodded, and with a shaky exhale, he rolled onto his back, pulling you with him.

“My mother’s death was my fault.”

It took a few breaths for the meaning of his words to sink in, and you could feel the strain in his voice as he went on, “I didn’t know it then, but I told them where she was. I wanted to send them to Odin, and the only person who ever believed in me, who ever gave me the feeling that I was loved, paid the price. And I was scared the same thing could happen to you.”

He swallowed, and you inched closer, placing your palm on his cheek to gently turn his head and make him look at you. Your heart bled for him, for everything he’d went through.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you ease the pain,” you whispered. “But I know, with all my heart, that you won’t hurt me.”

“I was scared, because…I never loved anyone else. I never even loved myself, and I’m still sure that nobody could ever love me.”

You felt as if you could burst into tears all over again upon hearing these words, but you bit it back. There were far more important things to do. You swiped at the tears which had sprang from his eyes, just as he’d done for you earlier, and asked softly, “Can you still do this memory-telepathy-thing?”

Loki nodded with a confused frown.

“Good. Then do it”, you urged gently and grasped his hand to place his palm on your temple, closing your eyes to summon all these memories from the past few weeks. To make him see what you saw whenever you looked at him. Beauty. Pain. Loneliness. Greed. Kindness. Jealousy. Wit. Humour. Compassion. Empathy. Snatches and fragments of colours in a kaleidoscope, and above all else, love.

When Loki released his magic’s soft grasp on your memories, his tears had started flowing once more, accompanied by the most radiant smile you’d ever seen him wear, a smile which chased away all the shadows and the doubts to replace them with nothing but a pure, unfiltered joy.

He didn’t say anything when he pulled you closer into his arms, against the heart which was beating for you. And for the first time in his life, Loki felt…happiness. For the first time, he didn’t feel alone anymore. For the first time, he believed that he could learn to love himself, with you by his side.

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