#I’m sorry if I’m like being offensive and you’re mad at me now

[hyrulecollective]

We got a pretty opposite issue tbh, we got so many littles and middles that just act like they're in their middle to late 20s-30s or at least early 20s, I genuinely think we got only 1 little in all subsystems combined who actually act like a little because he is unaware of trauma, sadly he never fronts himself and he ain't part of my group. Good for him tbh, my group's a bunch of hooligans. The bad sort. It's sort of a jail to keep away problematic fellas or somethin'. I don't really care cause I'm sorts used to it by now. To top it all off we have way too many caretakers and soothers that's almost practically jobless cause those kids handle themselves real good.

I'm gonna send it in a separate ask cause I need to find it first, which may take a moment or five (also good for ya for wanting to take that exposure step towards the whole 'double' thing)

(My good fella, I'm afraid that isn't a original experience. There's 2 subsystems in ours that involve it. One has all of our LU Introjects that are not Dormant or fused, the other is called "the rainbow patches" if I remember correctly from memory, and they have all the colors from the manga and a pesky shit that I would punch if I could. Our Four is considered as a member from both subsystems and somehow coexist in both at the same time although he is most commonly seen in the latter according to someone else who's out rn and fill me in on info here. Nice to see someone else with the experience tho, heard it's practically impossible. Buddy highfive of a rare experience?/j

We got on paper like somewhere in the hundred something, but there's guaranteed at least four or three we didn't find yet, and believe me our scout teams are rigid in their searches so if there's three I'm speculating over there may as well be way more than them in actuality. We use apps to keep track cause the numbers can change by the hour (aka someone suddenly going Dormant, fusing, splitting off, or whatnot), if y'all aren't sure over the final numbers or anything I suggest ya find smth to use to list everyone down, like a notes app or an app specifically made for plurals to use (I can walk ya through the functions of the one we use, but I ain't good with it so Probs someone else will take over explanation at some point)

I don't know all our innerworld as per obvious I'm not a Gatekeeper or a higher up, but I do know how my subsystem's innerworld looks like cause I am treated like a gatekeeper there, and I tell ya that place is huge (per the nature of my subsystem's existence i ain't gonna describe how it looks or anythin', I'm sure ya understand)

Oh cool, ya got to experience domain expansion/lhj

how'd that felt like? D'ya think it was Dormancy or Nah?

In fact I don't know who am I cause I didn't get knocked out, unless that weren't targeted at me/j

For us collectively we can get "physical" manifestations of mental problems like a broken bone or some shi like fever from heightened stress or a nervous breakdown, and we got a whole hospital to deal with these issues. Don't ask how I know, cause then I'd need to explain that to the higher ups.

Well good for ya for discovering your passion and making a career choice already, most popular clashes in most systems we knew were career paths and college majors. Make sure to not press yourself to death tho, medical majors are very hard and it's a priority you set an example with yer own health.

We all have our own Individual special interests and hyperfixations (being separated people and all), but three ones that seem to be collectively special interests- are a show we watched as a child, Alice in wonderland, And health, specifically mental health and mental Illnesses.

Do ya want me to list out every single thing this body has? I don't think ya do and either way I ain't risking "death" and forced dormancy for smth like that, so I'd tell ya a few ones that at most will get me scolded.

We got chronic Depression, High functioning Autism, we're lactose intolerant to a point a sniff of milk is enough to get us nauseous, we probably developed some form of scoliosis or spine problems because we can't stand upright and our back hurts 24/7, we have chronic pain in some places in our body that have occasional flareups, we're so used to being burnt out that it's the new normal for us, and we're suspected of having a few more serious things by professionals/nav

That is, ofc, without mentioning the very thing that will get us called 'insane' if people irl outside of professionals knew. I ain't naming it, but ya seem like a smart guy so I'm sure you'd figure it out./lh

I can keep listing them on and on, but it wouldn't change anything or matter because I ain't fishing for sympathy; we know life's shit but that's how it is. That's the hand we were dealt. Sure, we can keep complaining and pointing blame at the dealer for "causing us to have a bad hand", even if that blame is rightfully placed and should be cause they cheated, or we can try to still make the most out of the game with what we got. Sure, we got way less odds to win the game than other players with better hands, but we can still enjoy the game thoroughly, which idk about ya but I'd see that as a win. Not to mention ya practically got a cheat code because there's more than one player in your seat, and each can help their Individual way to victory. One can sort the cards, others can keep an eye out for "peeping toms", and every person can offer their individual idea for victorious strategies, that no other player can think of because they don't possess the same unique outside-the-box thinking ya got thanks to your bad cards that force ya to be creative.

If ya got a passion for smth, you'd find a way to still enjoy it despite hardships. For proof i can point that question around, how are ya gonna do woodcarving with those things you just listed? Because you enjoy it and it's fun. Those labels (who obviously are way more than just labels) are meant to make it a lil harder to enjoy it, not make it completely impossible. The others probably wouldn't mind at all helping ya out in ways they can, and I personally can offer ya at least a few tips to how you can do it because i know an alter In the main system who also had narcolepsy in source and still possess psychological symptoms of it. Don't say "I can't", you can, and ya need to believe you do. Faith in oneself and one self's abilities is the key to anything in life. Remember that.

..instinctive and uncharacteristic caretaker rant aside.

I never personally experienced dormancy myself, tho I work with alters who goes through a continuous cycle of going in and out of that state, so I can tell ya it won't really matter that much if you really put your head and heart into this decision and stick to it on the long run. If ya think you'd forget it once you're out of Dormancy next time, make yourself a memo and put it in your room if your innerworld is the sort to have individual bedrooms, or in your personal pile of stuff in the body's room if ya got a couple things that belong to you specifically like a sweater or whatnot. or ask someone you trust to remind ya, alter or not. and again really, don't put too much pressure on it. Those will come on their own speed, and i think that playing slowly is more fun and prosperous on the long run than a speedrun, especially when ya know the game is meaningful to ya in whatever way.

But ofc that's yer life, not mine, and I can't force ya to do anything you don't want, aside offering advice from my own life and personal experience with the matter of source memories from a rather traumatic source that will probably swindle you into a whirlwind of emotions and stress that will just end up pushing ya in Dormancy again and tainting yer view of it as something bad or traumatic. And that ain't a try to guilt trip or manipulate or get sympathy, because I don't need your sympathy to manage my day and I'm just rambling at this point.

'M gonna say it now cause that was on my mind since last night, but don't see it directed at yourself specifically just cause I put it in the section where I responded to your specific issues. That's for pretty much anyone who sees it and had those thoughts. Dormancy isn't a inherently bad thing, and is very mischaracterized. It's like a long, peaceful, and calm sleep-like state that you get pushed into when things just becomes too much for ya to manage mentally or psychologically at the moment, and it allows you to process it and ease into it better. Or when the body is healing enough to a position where your aid and "existence" per say, is considered unnecessary. OSDD-DID is a thing where the brain splits alters it thinks will make life easier in the specific criteria and situation, like for example splitting someone to take care of eating if the body had history with food. And if the body managed to heal (which is a good thing) from this and other/most alters has no issues with eating anymore, the brain will sometimes perceive the alter who took care of this task unnecessary, as it's being taken care of by a bigger Scale and more efficiently. So what the brain does is putting this alter to sleep, so there will be less pressure and stimulation for the overall system. The alter may remain dormant for whatever period of time, varies from hours to years and even forever, but if the body get into a position where it can't sustain itself for whatever reasons, the brain may "wake" said alter from dormancy because he is needed again for whatever reason, be it doing his role again or just being there for emotional support. Obviously dormancy varies depending on the system, their childhood and life experiences, and many other factors, but one thing is always the same. Dormancy isn't bad. It's a factor, that can be either good or bad depending on the System and the way an alter perceives it. Like calling Persecutors "Evil alters", when they are protectors who simply dk any other, more healthy ways, to take care of and protect the body from danger. They are misguided protectors, but they aren't necessarily evil, and 95% of the time they are even more traumatized than the trauma they seem to "enforce" on the alters, and pushing the system into abusive or harmful situations or isolating them, may seem for the Persecutor as the correct way to save them from harm because that's all they know, and they need individual healing in order to become better. Like taking magic for example ( an example that'd be simpler to understand for y'all), is all magic inherently bad? Or is it what it's used for because magic is just a tool one can use? And before any of you all go "well dark magic is bad", it once again, depend on what use is there of it. I wouldn't personally call twilight's crystal light magic at all and the twilight seem very obviously dark magic, but he uses it for good purposes and doings, so even if for some it may seem evil due to prejudice or personal experiences with dark magic that made them believe it was bad (like four for example, we even see it in the comic itself if you'd like to check), Dark magic isn't inherently bad or evil.

And associating bad memories with Dormancy or censoring this word, is just showing one believes that Dormancy is an inherently evil thing that wish to do you harm, rather than a tool to help your system and yourself when you need a desperate break or a well deserved nap.

As for the song playlist, I don't want the link to be buried under all this text so I'm gonna submit it independently after I find that old ass poem for the old guy, feel free to share your thoughts or whatevs about songs and whatnot.

Also Lost anon, the algebra equation you asked before (3 × 5), is 15, ya probably don't need it anymore but Oh well it bugged me cause we can't leave comments on posts.

And no I don't HATE bluey, I just personally avoid it myself cause I consume more mature media (like mystery murder books and stuff with harm more than just a scraped knee), and I got personal beef with the whole intro thing of it.

- X Again (I swear I'm gonna spam you guys messages so uhh, yeah ya'll probably gonna hear from me a lot today, but maybe ya can use it as distraction so oh well for ya/lh)

H

I

I’m sorry I cannot read this my brain will not let me-

And- and I cannot remember half of the things this is referring to-

I only read like.. a few parts

To the dormancy thing, I get that. Though some systems (me me me) mourn dormant alters, Malon went dormant once and I cried the entire day until she came back (/nav)

It’s like they’re dead,,

-Time

[xxsabitoxx]

Fushiguro Megumi hates it when you get injured.

Something about it, no matter how big or small the injury is, just gets under his skin and pisses him off. Which comes off has him being mad at you, unfortunately. It’s not his intention, fuck no, he’s just so upset it happened in the first place.

It’s not till you get injured bad that you realize he’s not mad at you, rather, he’s mad at himself. There is a lingering guilt in Megumi’s eyes when you get hurt, as if he failed you.

“You know this isn’t your fault, right?” You had questioned late one night, laying in an infirmary bed with an IV in your arm because Shoko’s technique and the curse’s attack were not working well together. Meaning you were on strict bed rest until you were fully healed. Megumi hated that too, of course.

He didn’t answer, instead he flipped the page of his book with pursed lips. “I’m talking to you, Meg. It’s rude to ignore.” That got to him, closing his book slowly as he dragged his eyes up the bed to look at you. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?”

You repeated your previous statement, knowing he heard you the first time but he wouldn’t answer unless you asked again. “Yeah.” His tone was low, not convincing whatever. “Liar.” You shot back, moving your arm to rub your tired eyes.

Megumi watched the tube move with you, the dark liquid slowly dripping from the bag down the line and into your veins. “I’m not lying.” He nearly spat, anger bubbling in his gut at the sight of the retched medical machinery you were hooked too.

You sighed, “I’m sorry for getting hurt. I know it’s frustrating and all but li-“ but Megumi was cutting you off with a near incredulous look. “What?” Was all he said, leaving you to blink at him as you tried to wrap your head around his confusion.

“Y-you’re mad cause I’m careless, right? Because I keep weighing you down by getting myself injured?” You stated this as if it were factual, watching Megumi’s face morph into one of genuine bewilderment and mild offense.

“No?! What the fuck makes you think that?!”

"Because... you don't talk to me for like three days after the fact?" Megumi couldn't exactly fight you on that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it really did come off that way. "I...shit no that's not..." he tossed his book on your bed, hands coming up to rub his face as he tried to collect his thoughts.

"I'm not mad at you. I've never once been mad at you for getting injured. I just..." he sighed, turning to look at you now "...I just get frustrated with myself. I don't like seeing you hurt, it makes me feel like I didn't do enough. Then, I sit here promising myself to do better for you the next time we go out on a mission together, and then we end up right back here. With you in a hospital bed."

Megumi's face had turned a shade of pink. He always felt fidgety having these kinds of conversations. Especially with you, especially about his feelings. "Oh..." you started, mulling over his words carefully before sighing. "You can't beat yourself up over this stuff, Megumi. It's my life and my choice to be a sorcerer. Getting hurt is part of the job." You watched him shift in his chair.

"I know it's part of the job. I just don't like seeing you get hurt. Especially when I'm supposed to be supporting you. We're supposed to look out for each other on these missions and I keep failing you." Megumi's eyes darted anywhere around the room, hands folding neatly as he tried not to seem nervous.

"Megumi." You stated it bluntly, praying he'd look up. He did, of course, he did. For some reason, he couldn't deny you when you said his name like that. "C'mere." you whispered, motioning him to sit on the edge of your bed. He listened, getting up to move the small distance and trying his best to keep you stable as the bed dipped.

"You can't go on with your life quietly beating yourself up for things that are out of your control... and mine for that matter." Your hand carefully reaches up to touch his cheek, smiling at the warmth burning under your fingertips. Megumi looks at you, head-turning reluctantly. "I love you too much to let you feel guilty."

Quiet. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The look on Megumi's face was utterly priceless. Pure disbelief. No way he heard you correctly. His tired mind and sore back must be playing tricks on him. "You... what?" He croaked, brows furrowing in denial. You smile, huffing out a laugh. "I said I love you, Megumi."

He wasn't sure how to act in that moment. Every word he could think of was fizzling out before it could reach his mouth. Instead of killing himself trying to respond verbally, Megumi did the only thing he could think of. A surprised squeak left you as his lips pressed against yours, hands shaking as they gingerly cupped your cheeks.

The kiss itself lasted maybe twenty seconds, leaving you a little breathless from being unprepared as he pulled away. "I... guess that means you love me too?" you teased him, a grin on your face. Softly, Megumi huffed out a laugh before responding.

"Yeah, it means I love you too."

Started this a few days ago and didn’t even realize it was Megumi’s birthday today! So, happy birthday, Meg :)

Hope you enjoyed! - May

[moonstruckme]

Can you do poly!marauders where reader has kinda a shitty family? Like, where their family belittles them and insults them and gets mad over them existing so whe reader is back at hogwarts the next year she's as fragile as a china shop uncomfortablely close to a bull farm??

Only do it if your comfortable with it <3

Make sure to take care of yourself and remeber you are loved <3 <3

Thanks for requesting, love you and hope you're taking care of yourself as well <3

cw: hints at emotional abuse

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

You’re quiet, all of a sudden. The distance over the last few months had been rough for all of you, gone to your separate homes for the summer, but Remus is beginning to suspect it was most difficult for you; you can’t seem to find your way back to them. It’s like you’ve constructed a shell around yourself over the short three months you’ve been apart, and none of James’ loving, Sirius’ teasing, or Remus’ offerings of a study companion have proved successful in drawing you back out. 

He’s sure you think you’re being subtle. You certainly haven’t addressed your boyfriends’ worries, either missing or ignoring the looks they send each other when you don’t jump in on a joke they’re doing or answer in a quiet, meek voice when they ask you a question. It’s as if you’re afraid of being heard, of being noticed at all. 

Remus doesn’t like it one bit. 

Neither do the others, of course, and he and James have had to talk Sirius down from confronting you about it multiple times already in the week since you’ve been back. You seem…fragile, somehow, and Remus doesn’t think pushing you will get the results they all want. James seems to think you’ll come back to them on your own if they give you time, and Remus isn’t so sure, but it’s the plan he’s rolling with for now. 

Still, he doesn’t think it’s out of line to intervene when he catches you carrying a stack of books that has to be half your weight. Last year, he’s positive you would have asked for help, but now you only grunt quietly as the stack wobbles above your head. 

“Let me take some of those for you,” Remus offers, already standing, and you flinch as if your distracting him from his homework is a punishable offense. The stack teeters dangerously with your sudden movement. 

“That’s okay,” you squeak, leaning back a bit in an attempt to get your tower of books under control. You look timid, wide-eyed like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, afraid of getting in trouble. “You can sit back down, I’ve—” You don’t even get the chance to finish your excuse before the books topple, scattering about. Remus flinches internally when some fall down on your head, and another sends an empty glass on the edge of the coffee table crashing to the ground. 

You cover your mouth with your hand, staring in silent horror at the mess around you. 

James and Sirius, playing cards on the other side of the coffee table, look up at the commotion. 

“Shit,” Sirius says (a rather eloquent sum-up in Remus’ opinion). “Are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry,” you breathe, crouching and beginning to gather the broken glass in your hands.  “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I did that.” 

“Don’t—be careful,” Remus starts to say, but then you lose your balance, stepping backwards just slightly and letting out a tiny hiss. 

Remus stands, but James gets to you first, careful to keep away from the broken glass himself as he lifts you clear of the debris and deposits you onto the couch. 

“I’m sorry,” you say again, impossibly quiet. You’re looking between your boyfriends as if unsure what they want you to do. 

“Angel, it’s okay,” James insists, coming to sit down in front of you. “We’ll clean it up in a bit, don’t worry. Did you hurt yourself?”

You look down at your foot, sucking your bottom lip into your mouth.

“A little,” you admit. “Sorry.” 

“Stop that,” Remus says sternly. “It was a mistake. We only care that you’re hurt.” 

You look conflicted, and Remus can practically see your next apology forming on your tongue, but before you can utter it, James asks gently, “Can I have a look, sweetheart?”

You blink at him, nodding hesitantly. James is careful as he takes your ankle in his hand, lifting your foot in front of his face. His expression clears a little. “Okay, it’s just a little piece,” he says, adjusting his hold before picking out a tiny bit of glass and flicking it into the pile with the rest. “There you go.” 

You nod your thanks, curling your foot underneath you. You’re being quiet as a rabbit, Remus thinks, all tense and wary but afraid to make a single sound. Whether you notice or not, the unease in the room grows with every second of your silence. 

Finally, it appears Sirius can’t be held at bay any longer. 

“Alright,” he says, more frustration in his tone than Remus thinks is really a good idea, “what’s going on with you?”

You look surprised. “Me?”

“Yes, you. You’ve been acting like someone’s going to shout at you ever since we got back this year.” Sirius lowers his voice, eyebrows scrunching together just slightly. “It was being at home, wasn’t it? Something happened.” 

You flush, and Remus feels suddenly like this is a conversation he has no right to be in. Of course Sirius would be the one to pick up on it if  your family was what was making you act this way. No wonder he’d been so insistent they needed to get to the bottom of it. That’s something he can understand, whereas Remus and James never could. 

“Nothing happened,” you say, and Sirius narrows his eyes like he doesn’t believe you. “I just…okay, don’t be mad.” 

“No one is going to be mad at you, sweetheart,” Remus says, feeling like his heart is working its way up his throat with the words. “We’re just…you’ve seemed so different, and it’s scaring us a little bit. We just want to know what we can do to help.” 

You look hesitant, and James reaches forward, taking your hand in both of his and rubbing at it with his thumbs. You nod, seeming a bit more confident now, and say, “There’s nothing you can really do. I just need some time.” 

James nods back, looking at you with brown eyes big and open and understanding. Remus often wishes he could convey even half James’ earnestness, but he doesn’t know anyone with the same capacity for warmth. “Time for what, darling?”

You nibble on your lower lip, and Remus has to repress the urge to rescue it from between your teeth. “Well, we didn’t really get close until a couple months into fall term last year, right?”

“Right,” James agrees. 

“So…I wouldn’t expect you to know, but it always sort of takes me a bit to…adjust back to school life.” 

Sirius still looks like he wants to fight something, but he’s more careful to keep his anger out of his voice now. “Why’s that?”

You shrug. “You’re not wrong. My family isn’t always as…patient with me as you guys are. They’re not awful, it’s just, I get into a habit of being quieter around them.” Remus’ heart feels like lead in his chest. “It takes me a while to get out of the habit once I get back.” 

“Honey,” James murmurs, not looking much better than Remus feels. “I’m sorry.” 

You give him a little smile, shifting uncomfortably. “You don’t need to act like it’s such a tragedy,” you joke. “I’ll get over it soon.” 

James looks distressed, but Remus cuts in. “I’m sorry you don’t feel like you can be yourself at home, lovely girl,” he says in what he hopes is a light but soothing tone, unsure what you need right now but gathering from your demeanor that it’s not their pity. He slides his arm around your back to tug you closer to him. “Is there anything we can do to help?”

You hum contentedly, leaning against his side. “Not really,” you reply. “You guys are too good to me, it’s hard to be quiet around you for long.” 

“Good,” Sirius says firmly, “because we don’t want you to. Want to go scream off the astronomy tower, sweet thing? Maybe that’ll help loosen you up.” 

“Actually, I’d really like to clean up my mess before someone comes down here and steps on it,” you admit. “But maybe we can try your yelling thing tomorrow.”

[kayentokk]

Hey :) How are you doing?

Okay so, i wanted to request a platonic father Aizawa in which he is out patroling and he finds his teen daughter doing something ilegal with her friends or something like that.

Please and thankss :)

A/N; I’m okay thanks for asking! Love this idea, I’ve gotten many requests somewhat related to this lately actually! I’ll be posting those throughout the week. Also sorry it’s taken me a while to get to this! 🥲 I truly believe Aizawa is a girl dad and a softie parent. 

Pairing; Platonic!Father Aizawa x Fem!Daughter Reader

Contains; a little ooc Aizawa, fluff, soft, drug mentions, reader is about 16-17 like mha characters, quirk-less reader, death mentions, bad friends, comfort

wc; 1,763

You weren’t supposed to get caught. In fact, you didn’t even think you would. It wasn’t a big deal anyways, you only did it because you thought it’d be a way to relax with your friends. Plus, if you guys did get caught your backup plan was your father. It wasn’t like he was going to detain you…right?

Wrong.

You were very wrong to believe that your father wouldn’t take you into custody over a little weed with your friends. You just wanted to have fun! Besides, you didn’t want to be the ‘perfect heroes daughter’ who’s a buzzkill. Why couldn’t he understand that? 

There was just so much pressure that came with being the child to a hero. Your friends already joked about how you were too ‘good’ to do anything remotely illegal. Which is part of the reason you were in this situation in the first place. 

Of course he just happened to be patrolling around the alley you and your friends decided to get a little high in. That was just your luck, he didn’t seem mad though. So you thought he’d just tell you guys not to do it anymore, and move on. Nope. Leave it to Aizawa to want to teach you a ‘lesson’ all of a sudden. He was normally just a “don’t do it again,” kind of parent. Mostly because you had never done anything of this caliber before.

“Did you really have to bring me in?”

Silence.

“I mean come on, none of the other heroes care. They’re too busy thinking about protecting the city, shouldn’t you be too? Nobody cares about a couple of kids getting a little buzzed, besides everyone does it nowadays-“

“That doesn’t make it okay y/n.”

You’ve rarely seen him like this, so tense. He didn’t look angry, but you couldn’t shake the feeling you got that he was. It was almost….scary. 

So you resigned to a simple, “Okay, I’m sorry.” Were you really sorry though? Not that much, you still didn’t see the big deal. 

He let out a low grunt, “This is serious y/n, I know you think I’m making a big deal out of nothing,” well he said it first, “but you could’ve been seriously hurt.”

“Hurt? From getting a little high?”

“Criminals lace that stuff all the time, whether it’s with poison, more drugs, or whatever else they decide-“

“Yeah sure, but we got it from a trusted source-“

“And who’s that?” He said crossing his arms. 

Oops.

You decided it’d be best not to respond right now. Especially since the source wasn’t technically trusted, just another kid who got it from someone else. Who probably got it from someone else too.

Sensing your apprehension he decide to drop it, “we’ll revisit that later,” he said waving a dismissive hand. “I’ll drop you off at home, you’re grounded.” 

You internally groaned at that, grounded? That’s a new one, you were starting to really regret your decision. You should have just told your friends no, even if it meant being the ‘buzzkill.’ Then you remembered, your friends-

“What about my friends?”

“We’re working on calling their parents to come pick them up soon.”

“No!-“ you said sharply, “I-I mean, can’t you just let them off? Or something?”

“You know that’s not how this works, they are already getting off with a minor offense. The worst they’re going to get is their parents’ scolding.”

“Dad! You don’t understand-“

“I understand perfectly fine, a bunch of young kids wanted to ‘have fun’ and thought this was the best way to do it.”

Okay maybe he did understand, but not your side. He didn’t get that now you’d officially be the outcast, the top 10 ranked hero’s daughter who gets everyone in trouble. Does he get how embarrassing that is? 

“Come on, let’s get going.”

You stood from the chair leaving the comfort of being shielded, by the small desk separator, from your friends’ piercing gazes. They thought your dad would let you all off too considering the chaos the city’s currently in. 

You nervously waved and mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ to them before rushing out the door trying to follow closely behind Aizawa. 

You guys didn’t speak the whole way home, you opted for silence mostly because it wasn’t that big of a deal and he just didn’t know what to say. You had never done anything like that before, or had he just never caught you? When did that start?

He remembered when you were little and you’d give your vegetables to stray animals so you didn’t have to eat them, or when you tried to sneak out at night and he caught you. But those were all pretty minor things, and he was only always concerned with your safety.

You’d never done anything this bad, and in terms of the worst thing you could do of course this wasn’t horrible but he still didn’t get why. It couldn’t have just been for fun.

He entered the house after unlocking the door and opening it for you. Before you could make it to your room, where you’d probably go to sulk, he decided he’d ask.

“Why did you want to do that y/n?”

You stopped and turned around to face him. He was standing in front of the door, and now that you actually took in his appearance he looked tired. His dark circles more prominent, eyes a light pink most likely from his quirk, and his black pants had small patches of dust that had been hastily patted off on them. 

You replied after a moment, briefly forgetting his question, “For fu-“

“And don’t just say for fun, because I know you and there are plenty of other things you would do for fun.”

You huffed resigning to just come out with it, “it was a bet.”

“A bet?”

“My friends bet me that I wouldn’t get high with them since I’m a hero’s daughter.”

“And you decided to take them up on that?”

“Yes, I know it was stupid okay?”

“I know you know, you’re smarter than that. So why’d you say yes?”

Why’d he have to be so persistent? “Maybe because I thought I’d finally get some friends.”

“What do you mean y/n? You do have friends.”

“No, I don’t. Momo, Tsu, and Uraraka only hang out with me out of pity, since you’re their teacher, if they even have time-“

“Pity? Y/n no they don’t, there’s nothing pitiful about you at all-“

You scoffed, “don’t lie. I get you’re my dad and all but be honest with yourself, truly honest.”

“I am being honest. I’d never lie-“

Guess you’d just have to spell it out for him then. “The only daughter you had killed your wife, was born quirk-less, and there’s nothing special about her!” You were shocked at the admission of your own feelings but kept going, “I don’t have a talent, I’m not exceptionally smart, I’m not breathtakingly pretty, and I can’t even make friends!” You listed raising a finger for each reason, “Now tell me what about that is not pitiful?”

After that question there was silence, and Aizawa was just looking at you. You hadn’t even noticed you were crying until the first tear slid down your nose crease and hit the corner of your lip. Before touching could even wipe your tear or register the sound of footsteps approaching you, you were being hugged. Fully covered by his arms, your head grazing the bottom of his chin where stubble had began to grow, face buried partially into his scarf. 

You heard high pitched wailing, which you hadn’t even registered was you until his hand began to rub up and down your back with quiet ‘shh’s to try calming you.  

“Don’t cry, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, none of it okay?” He began whispering in your ear.

“Your mom and I both knew the challenges she’d have if she gave birth to you. We were well aware, and she wanted to have you. She didn’t care if she’d die in the process, you are our child.”

He continued comforting you, and when you eventually calmed down he let go and gently pulled your face out of his chest so you could look him in his tired, red eyes. “I love you so much, and I’m sorry if I don’t tell you that enough okay? It’s my fault I’m sorry. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and you’re perfect. I mean that, I’d never lie. You don’t need a quirk, to be super smart, or have a special talent. You’re perfect to me, okay? And that’s all that matters. You’re important to me,” he said firmly. 

“Okay?”

You sniffled, reaching a hand to wipe your nose, “okay.”

“Hey,” he said turning your face back to his, “I really mean it, I’d be no where without you. And how could you say you’re not beautiful? I know I’m not the best looking hero, but haven’t you seen the pictures of your mom? You take after her, gorgeous. Nothing I’d ever change about you, I don’t regret anything.”

“Okay,” you said slightly unused to him saying these things, “I’ve never heard you say something so corny dad,” you said chuckling trying to lighten the mood. 

At that, he gave a small grin which faded when he remembered your earlier point, “And Ochaco, Tsuyu, and Yaoyorozu do like being your friend. Not just because I’m their teacher, trust me I’m more of a supervisor if anything. I let them figure most stuff out on their own. They wanted to meet and hang out with you. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit, you make friends just fine.” 

“I know, I know, it was just heat of the moment stuff dad.”

He let out a sigh of relief, hugged you once more, and pressed a kiss to the top of your forehead.

“I still have about another hour of night patrol, but I’ll stay here if you want me to?”

“No dad, it’s fine go.”

He looked at you once more as if saying, ‘are you sure?’ 

“Yes I’m sure I’m fine, it’s only an hour anyways.”

“Okay, call me if you need anything, I’ll be back soon,” he said headed towards the door.

“Okay,” you said starting to walk to your room. 

But just before he shut the door you dashed for it and started, “Hey! does this mean-“

“No you’re still grounded,” he said. 

And with that the door shut.

@/cafekitsune for the divider!

[fluffyfantasticducky]

Focus on the Good

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader

☆ Synopsis: Loki is overwhelmed dealing with being accused as a traitor, although this time he's innocent. But this time, he is not the man he used to be, and he has you by his side.

☆ Word Count: 5,110

☆ Notes: The relatively awaited part two of Smile for me. Sorry I took so long to post this, I had a creative block and had trouble deciding what to focus on. The traitor plot twist is anticlimatic but I chose to focus more on Loki and his feelings.

☆ Warnings: Loki dealing with self hatred, insinuations and caresses that aren't spicy per se but are a bit more intimate and flirty but it's all sfw.

Frustrating. How else could he call it?

His first mission as a leader was a complete disaster. You had gotten hurt due to his own incompetence. And add some insult to this pathetic situation, now he was being investigated for treason to S.H.I.E.L.D. despite that he was completely innocent.

It must have been some sick twisted joke of fate. He spent years playing with Asgard like a fiddle, getting away with so much, to the point that where he committed treason everyone realized only when it was too late. And now that he had a reason to make things right, be transparent and honest, now he was investigated as if he was some traitor.

The most offensive thing of those implications was that it suggested that Loki was either using you or lying to you. When in reality he would die for you, he’d walk through fire if you asked him. Or that you were complicit of his ‘crimes.’ You, you who were the kindest, sweetest, most righteous person he had ever met.

Every day or two days at most they come to either interrogate you, him, or inspect your shared room which always left them a mess to clean up.

At least the people he cared about knew he was innocent. Thor was constantly arguing with Fury, going over and over about how this was nonsensical and even offering Loki to flee to New Asgard for a few days until things calmed down. Valkyrie had offered him an extra room if he needed. Bruce, while he wasn’t as passionate about defending Loki, agreed that it made very little sense that Loki would betray them now with all he had accomplished. Even the great Tony Stark agreed between sarcastic jokes that he would’ve believed if he hadn’t seen how down bad, he was for you.

You… what would he do without you? You not only got into mad arguments and made abundantly clear your distaste for this decision, but you were his biggest source of support and peace after all the draining routine he was being put through during the suspension from missions. You were a risk taker by disobeying direct orders from Fury by asking Thor, Bruce, Nat, Clint to trade with you during missions as to make a strike until they decided to reintegrate Loki to his normal duties. And for the first week of interrogations, whenever it was your turn… Norns, he felt a bit bad for the director. You were quite loud and fierce when you wanted to be.

But most importantly, all the support he got from you after all the interrogations and room inspections that hurt him more than he’d ever admit.

“I’m sorry…” he sighed, resting his head on your lap.

In between the inspections to your shared bedroom one of the agents had broken a little figurine you collected.

“It’s just a toy, I’ll get another one…” you assured him.

Loki could sense a lie. But he also remembered how excited you had been when you got it, saying it was rare and it had taken you a huge effort to get it.

“You darling prince…” you spoke softly, running your fingers through his hair. “It’s okay. We know you’re innocent, soon all of S.H.I.E.L.D. will see it too. Everything else doesn’t matter.”

“What did I do so right to deserve such a pretty angel such as you?” he chuckled. “You are unfairly good to me.”

“You keep saying that baby.” You spoke gently, tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear. “You sound like a broken record.”

“I might be one” he shrugged, closing his eyes.

“Yeah?” you giggled. “Then I’ll just have to fix you.”

“I thought you said the I can fix him was a toxic mentality in romance” he said cheekily.

“Oh, now you remember my movie rants” you laughed. “But the I can fix him trope is toxic when—”

“…It is used by the abuser who manipulates them into staying as a rehabilitation center. A partner should be part of your support group but never the responsible to fix you, but a motivation and helping hand while you fix yourself.” He opened his eyes to look up at you as he finished repeating your old rant word by word. “I always remember the things you say.”

“Is that so? When is our anniversary?”

“June 9” Loki smiled and noticed you opening your mouth to retort. “And our 1,000 days together is on March 5th year. And yes, I knew you were going to ask that.”

“Smart pants” you smiled.

“You love me like that.”

“I do” you smiled and kissed his lips softly. “Guess you don’t need fixing after all.”

“Glad we agree, I am the most perfect man” he grinned, relishing the way you cringed and smiled at the silly joke.

“I don’t know about that.” You smiled, “But you are perfect for me.”

You pecked his lips and made him smile.

“I don’t deserve you…” he smiled.

“Oh, that’s it!” you laughed and soon your hands where all over his sides.

And sooner than that Loki was laughing his head off.

“Hehe- hey!” he protested between laughs.

You had an annoying charm. Tickling him silly as a pseudo-punishment. It was your shared secret how much Loki enjoyed being tickled. You stopped soon enough, smiling at him, caressing your thumb across his cheek.

“It’ll pass before you notice…” you whisper. “They will see exactly what you truly are. Just like I do.”

Loki chuckled softly.

“I hope not, you are a handful already” he smirked at the offended look on your face due to his comment.

“Oh, you want to talk about a handful…” you growled as you flipped to straddle him. “Let’s see how much of a handful I can be…”

Loki gulped, unable to fight a smile.

“Ahah…” he huffed, “darling, d-don’t… d-dohohohon’t!”

But your hands were already attacking his sides, your fingers skillfully scribbling along his skin, prodding his ribs, drilling along each crevice in the most maddening way.

“Is that enough handful for you, huh?” you asked in a faux anger. “Eh? Is it?”

“Thihihihihihis is cruel!” Loki protested. “And thahahahat doesn’t mahahake sehehense!”

“Mmm, it might have just been excuse to get my hands on this hot bod of yours” you smiled.

Being tickled was already a vulnerable moment for Loki. To the point where only you could tickle him without any resistance. Anyone else would need to overpower him physically or just restrain him. You, on the other side, he would barely fight back. He’d simply squirm in his place, rolling over to the side or on his stomach. Which it gave you more of a sensation that he just wanted you to focus on other spots. Not that he'd ever admit… you had tried.

“Ehehehe! You ahahahaha— wait no!” he protested as your fingers reached his stomach, giving it little pinches and pokes. “Lohohohove, stop!”

“Alright, alright.” You smiled and kissed his forehead as you stopped the tickling. “Is your mood better?”

“Ihi— if I say yes will you stop torturing my stomach?” he smiled at you, holding onto your hips. “You know I can’t take it there.”

The way you leaned against his chest to kiss his lips never failed to drive him wild. And this wasn’t the exception.

“I am aware” you hummed against his lips. “That’s why it’s my favorite spot to tickle.”

“I am, unfortunately, also aware of that” he chuckled.

“If you really minded it, you’d actually do something to stop me instead of just laughing your heart out.”

“I love it when a beautiful mortal has their hands all over me, is that something to be ashamed about?” he grinned cheekily at you.

You rolled your eyes and smiled. “It wouldn’t be if you were still single. But you are stuck with me now and forgive me if I’m not good at sharing my boyfriend. Unless you’d share me with others.”

“That is out of the question. You are mine, and mine alone.” He said solemnly as he held you in his arms. You lifted your eyebrows, expectantly as he felt his cheeks warm up under your gaze. “As… I am yours; I suppose.”

“Was that so hard to say?” you smiled.

“Terribly so” Loki smiled. But then, his face adopted a serious, melancholic expression. “I’m sorry… I should not be dragging you into this disaster. You deserve better, and I fear you will realize that. It would be best for you, but… I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Lucky for you, that’s not something you have to worry about” you assured him, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I am perfectly happy with you.”

One thing that Loki loved about your relationship was that despite knowing you said stuff to made him feel better, it never came off as dishonest, as if those two concepts weren’t mutually exclusive. You said the kindest, most loving things, and he could tell you honestly felt every single one.

It made his heart soar. That honest and kind heart of yours was exactly what he had been craving for. You were what he had been looking for.

It made him want to open his heart to you. You were kind and listened to him without judging or thinking the worst of him.

“What am I going to do?” he sighed. “If I can’t go on missions, soon I will not be allowed to go outside, and then I will be going back to being a high-class prisoner.”

“Actually… you can’t leave the building given you’re under investigation” you said apologetically. “Sorry.”

“Lovely…” he groaned, throwing his head back, rubbing his face with his palms. “I am back to being a prisoner. Might as well get inside a cell.”

“Yes, we could tie you up, and torture you until you confess” you purred, trailing kisses along his jawline, as your hands made their way to play with his hair.

“You’re making it sound appealing” he hummed, relishing the feeling of your lips against his skin. “Mmm~ Keep touching me like that and I’ll do anything you ask.”

“Mm, what a good boy” you giggled, kissing his lips.

He laughed along with you, but mostly because your hands had found his ears and were tickling behind them.

“W-Whahahat are you doing? T-That tickles!” he laughed.

“I told you I would torture an answer out of you” you giggled, tickling the back of his ears. “Now confess, you war criminal!”

“Nohohoho, stohop it!” he squirmed underneath you. “How is thahahat spot so bahahad?”

“Right?” you chuckled, pressing loving kisses along his face. “I found out the other day while we were kissing.”

He grabbed your wrists. “Oh really?” he smirked, and trapped your wrists in one of his hands as he began tickling your ear shell and behind it. It took absolutely nothing to have you giggling like a kid.

“Ehehehe! L-Loki!” you giggled. “Hehehe! I-It tickles!”

“It does, does it not?” he chuckled.

He traced along the outline of your ear. He relished the way you laughed against him, you never tried to get away nor asked him to stop. You loved that closeness as much as Loki did.

“Mmm, that laugh of yours is so lovely~” he hummed as he stopped, tucking a few streaks of hair behind your ear. “It’s my favorite sound in the whole world, you make me so happy.”

“Cheesy” you chuckled, kissing his lips.

“I mean that, darling” he smiled. “Without you I would have gone mad by now. Or worse, I would be a prisoner.”

“You can’t believe that…” you spoke softly.

“What else am I supposed to believe?” he sighed, “what I did to New York is unforgivable. I should be locked up for life, I was going to be… It’s what I deserve. It took me too long to understand it.”

It broke your heart to hear him talk like that. It was a shame that he still punished himself so badly. You appreciated that he recognized his error, but the fact that it haunted him was painful to watch. He was already working on getting better.

“Loki… Your beef with Earth had its particular and complicated circumstances, it wasn’t 100% your fault.” You assured him. “But even if that was, there are other ways to atone for your mistakes… Punishing yourself but you were helping Earth, compensation is another way of redemption. Being an Avenger is a way to redeem yourself.”

“How do you do it?” he chuckled, “How do you manage to look at all the awful things I have done and still somehow see the best in me?”

“Because I’ve also seen how much you regret it, and I’ve seen you trying to prove to everyone, prove to yourself that you are doing better.” you spoke lovingly. “That means a lot, to me, to Thor, to everyone.”

“But why?” he asked. “What I did is…”

“Fucked up, yes. Tony and Bruce created a genocidal robot, Clint was an international criminal prisoner and retook as an assassin, Steve and Natasha were literal war criminals, your brother before you nearly started a war—”

“That I provoked him into.”

“Would you do it again?” you asked.

“For the sake of entertainment—” Loki pondered.

“Loki!” you giggled.

“I’m jesting, love!” he laughed. “Earth is no good in wars like Asgard, we fight to settle disagreements, make alliances, or get respect. But never to destroy.”

“We’re not so bad…” you smiled.

“Not all of you, no.” Loki agreed. “You for once are a wonderful mor— human. Smart, beautiful, funny, kind… It’s the people on the higher power that worry me.”

“It’s as they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely” you shrugged. “That’s what we fight for. For those without power, and against those who abuse it.”

“You say that as I remain locked in here, simply training and withering away” Loki sighed.

“Well… we can find something interesting to keep you occupied—”

“Reindeer games, out now!” Tony banged on the door.

“Not now Stark!” Loki called annoyed.

“You’ll want to see this.” Tony spoke through the other side of the door.

You stood up and Loki followed right after. Everyone was headed to the meeting room so that’s where you went to.

Bruce and Thor had one of the younger cadets, Philip. He was struggling against the two. His blonde hair was a mess and he looked like he had lost a fight.

“We found our traitor, brother.” Thor said firmly, even a bit prideful. “The little rat sabotaged our missions.”

“A double agent?” Steve asked.

“Self-sabotage” Bruce clarified. “He informed the base you were going. Who and when. And exactly how to take down a god. We found a report of the mission sent to an unknown address.”

“I found it.” Natasha stated.

“You?” Clint raised an eyebrow.

“We” she corrected herself.

“With my technology, that is.” Tony added. “In case anyone was wondering.”

“No one was wondering that, Tony” Steve smiled lightly, amused by the genius’ ego.

“But why? You were the only non-Avenger agent Loki chose personally” Thor asked. “My brother trusted you. And it was a wonderful opportunity for you.”

Fury looked… well, furious.

“Philip Crowe, you’re immediately and effectively removed from all S.H.I.E.L.D. work and installations, permanently for treason, espionage, and sabotage to an elite strike agent.” Fury said firmly.

“Elite?! He’s a monster!” the young man protested, struggling to break free from the arm lock. “It’s a time bomb! It’s in his nature! You’ve seen what he’s capable of! It’s a matter of time before we have New York part two! You’ve read myths, what guarantees that there won’t be a Ragnarök on Earth?! He—”

SMACK! He had been cut off by a slap in the face by you. If the stinging in his cheek was not enough to silence him, your cold glare silenced him.

“Take him away.” You said. “I want him rotting in a cell for a really long time…”

“Oh, he will be locked in the dark for a very long time” Fury agreed, “for espionage, and sabotage… And being an asshole as a whole.”

Thor was about to take him away. He was struggling to break free.

“Don’t.” Loki spoke up. “I’ll use a spell to delete his memories, about S.H.I.E.L.D. about the Avengers. Everything will be gone from his mind. He can live a normal life not remembering being an agent.”

Loki walked and looked down at him. Placed his hand on his forehead as the blond struggled. Loki let his Seidr flow and Philip’s body went limp.

“When he wakes up, he’ll be normal, he can have a normal life, he won’t be a risk for S.H.I.E.L.D.” he sighed and left the room.

Flowers bloomed under him as he sat by the lake. Just enjoying the familiar view. But not even that brought him any joy.

“Loki, there you are, honey.”

“Hello mother” Loki smiled. “I was just… thinking.”

“I thought you would be happy to get your naming” Frigga said. “You were excited this morning to receive your title.”

“God of Mischief, mother?” he asked. “Does that mean I’m supposed to cause trouble?”

“Is that so bad?”

“Will father get upset at me?” Loki asked. “Besides, you like annoying your brother.”

“Pranking Thor is different. Why could I be the God of rain, wind, or something, then Thor and I could be gods together.”

“You can’t revolve your personality around Thor. Your godly title is meant to reflect your personality, not your brother’s” Frigga smiled at him gently. “Your father gave you a title that would fit you.”

“Does father think I’m a bad son?” he asked.

“I think your father thinks you’re creative, smart, with good abilities to get away with what you want” Frigga assured him. “All qualities you do have. And you are quite cheeky.”

Loki chuckled weakly. Frigga smiled and picked up a purple flower and wiggled it against Loki’s face. Causing the young god to scrunch up his nose and swat the pretty flower away.

“You know, son. I think it’s time for you to start learning magic” Frigga said.

“But you said I had to wait until I was 500 years old” Loki asked.

“I think you’re ready” Frigga said, “You’re 250 years old already, and you just got your title. You are a big boy now.”

With a few elegant movements the violet on Frigga’s hands turned into a purple frog that jumped out of hands and into the pond. Loki giggled as his mother’s arms trapped him into a hug as she tickled his sides.

“Pretty memory” you looked at him as you sat next to him. “Your mom is pretty.”

“Most beautiful woman in all of Asgard” Loki agreed. “Do you know what Orvokki means?”

“Uhh, it’s a violet, right?” you said looking at the flowers around the lake.

“It can also be interpreted as little orphan. How ironic that it was my favorite flower as a child…” Loki grumbled.

He flicked his wrist and the illusion of his memory vanished. He was no longer in Asgard, he was sitting on the rooftop of the compound’s main building. He wasn’t with his mother. And his eyes were red from crying.

“That was really nice thing you did back there” you congratulated him as you rubbed circles across his back.

“Not bad for a monster, huh?” Loki huffed out, in a failed attempt to fake out a laugh. “Did you see the way he looked at me? The fear in his eyes…?”

“Don’t listen to him…” you said resting your head against his shoulder. “He never gave you a chance to prove how good you really are. That’s his problem, not yours.”

“I can’t blame him… I would not trust me either… I am a monster, I was a monster to my people, to my home…” he sighed.

“What? No, Loki…”

“My birth father abandoned me to die, I was raced by a kingdom that thought my kind were monsters…” Loki sighed, “and I caused so much pain and death to a Realm that could’ve seen me as something quite literally divine.”

You looked at him and squeezed his hand.

“I thought… I hoped I had a second chance, I wanted to believe people were already accepting me. I thought that if I could have at least one agent to trust me… How foolish of me…”

“Stop that…” you scolded him, giving his hand a gentle and loving squeeze. “You’re not a monster. No one sees you as a monster.”

Loki laughed bitterly. While you weren’t lying in the literal sense, you were being too kind, blinded by your affection for the young Asgardian to acknowledge the recent events.

“I mean it!” you said. “You’re so focused on one person thinking you’re a monster, that you fail to see what everyone else did because they believed in you. They all helped in their own way to prove you were innocent. Either tracking conversation, providing resources… Gosh, even director Fury trusted you were innocent.”

“I…” Loki recapped the events from earlier. You weren’t wrong.

“Besides, you know how picky I am when it comes to dating” you smiled, “I wouldn’t date just anyone. Is that not enough for you?”

Loki was silent for a moment, for once he didn’t even have a smart reply for that.

He had seen you turn down a couple of agents or staff members before the two of you started dating. Philip among the lines of the rejected. In fact, he remembered that during that time where the other Avengers noticed his feelings for you, some of them tried to discourage him from courting you, because “you didn’t date.” In fact, they had brought it up, on his face to prove it so. You were, in fact, very picky when it came to dating. Which just made him value your relationship even more. It gave him a huge confidence boost, and the security of not being replaced or overshadowed he so desperately had been needing.

And once again, you were that source of comfort and security. You were his sweet little balm.

“I… um…” he stuttered.

You chuckled and kissed his cheek.

“Tongue tied?” you teased him, making him groan in frustration as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “Just… don’t give him power over you, if he didn’t bother knowing you, he shouldn’t deserve such a space in your mind.”

“Thanks, love” he smiled softly. “For… looking after me. And… helping me see that others look after me.”

“Heh… I’m glad I helped” you spoke lovingly as you rubbed your nose against his neck.

He chuckled rested his cheek against the top of your head.

“Should we head inside?” you asked, rubbing your own arms, as you stood up “it’s a bit chilly out here.”

“You can go inside, love” Loki offered. “I need some time alone.”

You looked at him worried, but a gust of cold wind made you shiver, making the idea of going inside more and more appealing. But he saw the hesitation in your eyes, the way you didn’t want to leave him alone made him smile.

“I promise I’ll meet you inside later” he assured you. But you didn’t look too convinced “Make some tea for us, and I’ll meet you in our room before you’re done putting on your pajamas.”

You gave him a look he couldn’t quite decipher but you nodded and made your way inside.

He relished the fresh air. But as he mentally prepared to be burdened with his failure, he surprised himself smiling. His mind wasn’t clouded with the young spy that betrayed him.

All he could think was that all the original Avengers, those he had cursed himself for unintentionally helping assemble to defeat him… now had stood up for him. And it didn’t stop there.

His mind was filled with happy memories.

All the times he had gotten a pat in the back from Tony and being called his new favorite for teasing Steve’s righteous stiffness and the way Bucky and Sam snickered at it. As well as his training contests with the super soldiers to test their serum with Loki and Thor’s godly nature. How he beamed with pride at the blond’s praise after a mission. The way Natasha and her little sister acknowledge his ability to infiltrate and swoon targets and even required him specifically. How Clint and his little new protegee had gotten really happy when Loki gifted them his old Asgardian bows for them, despite the teasing when they saw right through his “I don’t even use them” excuse and treated for dinner after. Bruce acknowledging his observation capabilities during some of his experiments. Thor… who despite all the awful things they had gone through never abandoned him, and still saw Loki as his baby brother, and despite they refused to admit it, both still adored each other.

And you. You had stolen his heart from minute one. He had been hopeless before the first kiss or even a declaration. Your eyes brought him to his knees, and he had sworn to be at your mercy for the rest of his existence when he saw you smile. And with that power you had over him done nothing but nourish him. Your payback when he pestered you was always fun and harmless. You made him laugh. You listened to everything he said and always encouraged him to keep talking until he was hoarse. You gave him the attention he had been craving for so many years. You treated him as the most important being of the universe.

Honestly, he didn’t realize when his thoughts had set him in motion. But by the time he was aware of his actions, he was already turning the doorknob of your shared bedroom.

“Liar” you scoffed, throwing a teddy bear to his face as soon as he set foot inside the room. “You said you’d be here before I was done putting on my jammies, but it’s been 5 minutes since I got in bed, and you weren’t here.”

Loki couldn’t help but smile. For a secret agent, you were terrible at hiding your feelings… at least from him.

“I apologize for not keeping my word, love” he apologized as he took off his shirt and searched through his drawer for the pajama he wanted to wear. “I lost track of time.”

“Did you drink?” you asked him.

“I did not. I trusted my favorite thing to make me tea” he responded with an innocent look as he put on his pajama shirt.

“It’s on your night table” you responded with the slightest pout, knowing you it was because he saw right through you.

He walked to the warm mug and took a sip. Of course, you had prepared his favorite tea… and with extra honey, just the way he liked. Everyone always complained there would never be enough for everyone if you kept spoiling Loki with his favorite all the time. You always got more, but it just meant starting the cycle again.

“Thank you, dear” he smiled as he kneeled on the bed to reach and cup your face to kiss your cheek.

Oh, how he wanted to tackle you and cover you in kisses at the way you fought and lost against the smile that appeared on your lovely face along with a light shade of pink.

“So adorable…” he chuckled.

As he was taking off his pants, he saw the way your blush turned even darked. He rushed to put on the pajama pants and dove in the bed, wrapping his arms around you in a loving embrace with his chest against your back.

“You’re in a lovely mood” you smiled as you reached to caress his cheek. “What gives?”

“I just thought about a lovely little mortal” he hummed pressing soft kisses on your nape, “that makes my darkest days bright and cozy.”

“Do you have a fever or something?” you touched his forehead.

“No, I mean it!” he laughed. “I stayed back to think… and all I could think about was your love, your kindness, and this hot body of yours…”

As he spoke that last bit, he reached to caress your sides, making you giggle.

“Loki…!” you giggle swatting his hand away. “You’re asking for trouble.”

“You know I am” he whispered, resting his face against your shoulder. Taking in your scent, closing his eyes as he relaxed. “Norns, what would I do without you?”

“Probably snuggle your pillow tonight” you smiled. “But you’d be fine.”

“I would not…” Loki choked up, as he felt tears forming in his eyes. “I would be lost; I would be absolutely nothing without you. A monster…”

“No, no, baby…” you spoke softly, turning around to face him. “You’ve worked really hard to be better… That’s all you, you are utterly and undoubtedly wonderful…”

The way you always made him feel better was almost scary. Your word was law. If you said he was so good, then… perhaps he wasn’t as bad as he thought.

“I love you…” he whispered. “Thank you…”

“What for?”

“For being my second chance… For believing I was more than the man that caused so much pain to your people…”

“Second chances are earned, Loki” you said. “You’ve earned it.”

He laughed softly when you rose up to sit on his waist, straddling him with your legs as you gave him a pseudo-menacing look.

“Now speak poorly of my sweet cuddly honeybun and you will be sorry…” you said in the worse threatening tone he had ever heard.

He cringed and laughed softly at the overly cheesy pet name.

“Oh gods…” he muttered with a shaky smile as his lips twitched upwards, amused by the situation. “You goofball.”

You let out an offended gasp and started tickling his sides, immediately making him giggle like a child.

“W-Wait! Dahahaharling! I’m sohohohohohrry!” he whined between laughs.

“Nope! Sorry ain’t gonna cut it this time, you insult me, you insult my prince… you deserve being chastised” you said playfully as you tickled his belly, which always made him hysterical.

“NAHAHAHA! STOP! STOP! PLEHEHEHEHEASE!” he cackled, soon wheezing. He was so ridiculously ticklish that had had no chance fighting back or think about anything else but the tingles that made him howl with laughter.

But he wouldn’t change this kind of silly fun with his darling for the world. And if he was honest with himself, this was a great thing to focus on.

| MASTERPOST |

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Hyacinth + lemon ice :)

Mihawk is so dreamy I'd forgive him too tbh. Reader gets mad at her mysterious boyfriend for leaving and he *somehow* convinces her to forgive him... wink wonk

Pairing: Dracule Mihawk x Female Reader

WC: 2000

Prompt: “You know I’m sorry…” 

— —

You push through the doors to the lavish dining room wearing a ruby colored dressing gown and dramatically fling yourself into a chair at the end of the massively long dining table. You groan. Head in your hands, you were distraught. 

Your lover had left you almost 2 weeks ago. Not permanently of course… or so you assumed. Nearly 2 weeks ago Mihawk left the safety of your remote castle on some sort of business he promised would only take a day or two. And yet? Here you were. Alone. 

You were want for nothing, the castle was always filled with any amenities or food you might need, but you couldn’t help but long for a warm body next to you in bed and the firm touch of your warlord lover. Although you tried to push it aside, but you also worried for his safety. There was always an aspect of danger when he left even though he was beyond competent in both combat and negotiations, but you always tried to ignore it. 

He would always tell you, “There’s no use in worrying my dear. I’d slaughter every being on the seas if it was stopping me from coming home to you. Now get that thought out of your head.” 

And although he would tell you time and time again not to worry, you couldn’t help it. Why would he still be gone? You ran through hundreds of make-believe scenarios where Mihawk suffered a horrific death or is still enduring immeasurable horrors at the hands of some monster or maybe even-

“HELLOOO! You look like you need a drink bitch.” 

Suddenly, your biggest headache and current housemate materialized through the wall and laid out on the table in front of you. She mimics your position with her head in her hands and taunts you. 

“So your weird sword daddy hasn’t come back yet. He always shows up eventually, and you always forgive him like you weren’t wailing around these halls like a victorian widow for days beforehand. He’ll turn up and he’ll rip your clothes off faster than you can even tell him you’re mad. Come on, lighten up you old broad! Have a drink with me!” 

Perona suddenly has two ghosts bringing a bottle of whiskey and two glasses up from behind her and on to the table in between the two of you. You pick up your head and make a face. 

“I wish you’d stop calling me that, I’m only 5 years older than you.” You huff out. You roll your eyes but you grab the glass in front of you and gesture to one of Perona’s summoned ghosts for it to pour you a glass of whiskey. 

“Yeah but you’re the one stalking around a castle alone with your cats in floor length robes. You’re like, mentally, ancient.” 

“I take offense to that. So what? I like gothic architecture and solitude, is that a crime?” You take a heavy gulp of alcohol and grimace. 

“Okay, whatever. You’re the one fucking a vampire.” Perona takes her drink and chuckles. 

You motion for another drink. 

“He isn’t a vampire, Perona.” You take your drink and lean back in your chair. “He just likes hats.” 

You both make eye contact, Perona furrows her brow at you. You burst out in laughter, with Perona quickly to follow. 

— —

You wake up the next morning to the sunlight streaming through the lace curtains of your luxurious master bedroom. Your eyelids flutter open and you stretch and turn over to face the opposite side of the bed. Undisturbed. He still wasn’t home. You shoot up in bed. The whiskey Perona insisted you drink had helped you drift off to sleep without the worries about the fate of your lover. But now it was morning and he still wasn’t home. You groan and fall back into your bed. 

Where the hell was he? He had never been this late before… Was this finally the time he never comes back?

*whooooosh* *thump*

You hear the massive stone double doors to the castle open and close. You practically jump out of bed.

You toss the covers off your naked form and you go to your dressing curtain to put on a long emerald green robe with dyed feathers on the edges of the sleeves and the bottom. You didn’t even bother putting on slippers as you tear your way out of the master bedroom and down the hallways to the main staircase. You halt yourself at the top of the staircase and look down at the entrance to the castle. 

There stood your lover, Mihawk, looking a bit worse for wear, but all together fine. Once your brain registered that he was alive and well, the anger returned. 

“DRACULE MIHAWK…” 

You bellow from the top of the stairs. You swiftly begin to descend the staircase, your bare feet gliding across the stone. “Fourteen days? Not a call? Nothing?” Your robe flies behind you as you slink down the stairs towards Mihawk, not giving him a moment to reply. “I was convinced your smart mouth had finally done you in! You say you’ll be gone for a night and you show up at my door 2 weeks later? You could have called me you-“ Tears are streaming down your face. You finally reach Mihawk and throw your fists up to try to hit his shoulders.

Mihawk grabs your wrists before you could strike. He was tired, but you were distraught, you were no match for him. 

“My love… I am so sorry… Oh, how I’ve missed you…” Mihawk brings your wrists back down to your sides and embraces you fully. You pull back. “No! You can’t keep doing this!” You take several steps backwards once he releases you. “All I do is worry! You leave me here alone and don’t tell me where you are! I’m tired of this! I won’t do it! I love you, Mihawk!” You cry out and drop to your knees, overcome with emotion. 

Mihawk immediately drops to his knees in front of you, trying to stay on your level. He grabs the sides of your face with his hands. 

“I know, my love, I know. Something came up and I couldn’t find a way to tell you. Please forgive me, darling.” Mihawk tilts your face up to meet his above you. “You know I’m sorry…” 

As Perona predicted, you folded. 

He leaned in and captured your lips in a deep kiss. 

Mihawk swiftly swoops you up under your ass and carries you all the way to your shared bedroom, away from any unwanted voyeurs. He throws you back onto the bed with a gentle thud. 

“You may not believe me now, love, but I promise I won’t leave you worrying again…” Mihawk whispered into your calf as he kissed up your leg towards your aching center. He had already discarded his hat and jacket, making quick work of his pants with the other hand. Once shed of his clothing, he pulls your robe apart and settles his body between your legs and spreads them forcefully with his rough palms. 

“Mihawk I just got up, I haven’t bathed or-“ You grab his hair to pull him back, he shakes your grip off. 

“Let me enjoy you, my precious girl, you know I like it better this way anyway.” He smirks and begins kissing and biting your inner things. You sigh and relax into the sensation of finally having his touch on you again. After teasing for a few minutes, Mihawk finally reaches your now soaking center and dives in with his skilled tongue. You moan loudly as he sucks and slurps at your clit lewdly, driving you mad. He pulls away to watch your face as he slips two fingers into your clenching hole. 

“You taste so sweet, love, as always.” You whimper at his praises and the feeling of his fingers working your insides. He returns to your clit with his mouth and you feel yourself quickly being brought to the precipice of pleasure. You arch your back and bring your hands to your breasts to pinch your nipples, pushing you into the throws of a powerful orgasm. You cry out loudly in pure bliss. 

Your handsome lover pulls his face from between your legs and peppers your stomach and the valley of your breasts with wet kisses as he moves up your body. Your chest heaves as you are truly at Mihawk’s mercy. You were soft and pliant under his addictive touch. He whispers into your neck as he begins pushing his hardened member into your tight entrance. 

“Let me show you how much I missed you, let me make love to you.” You moan as he bottoms out inside of you and throw up your hands to tangle them in his dark hair. He pulls back and presses his mouth onto yours in a passionate kiss as he deeply grinds his hips into yours. He uses his hands to push your knees further back and spread towards your shoulders and you gasp into his mouth at the new angle at which he was able to penetrate you. 

“Shit, there!” You cry out. You felt your muscles start to tighten and that familiar warmth was building in your abdomen again. You slam your eyes shut and turn your head to try to bury your face in the pillow, but failing since you were on your back. 

“Already darling? I’m not done yet, you’re going to have to hold it.” Mihawk pulls back to get a better look at your fucked out expression. 

“I-I-, shit! I can’t!” You moan as he continues to deeply thrust into you. 

“No cumming. Not until I say.” Mihawk uses one of his hands to grip your cheeks and force you to look up at him. You were so caught up in trying to hold back your orgasm you couldn’t form words anymore, only whimpers and grunts. 

“Hold it a bit longer, my love, I know you can do it. You’re going to cum when I fill you. I promise it will feel so good.” Your lover picks up his pace and you could tell he was getting closer to his own peak by his ragged breathing. 

“Mi-hawwwkk! Please! Need to cum! Can’t hold it!” Tears started spilling from your lash line and down your cheeks. 

“Cum now.” He says sternly as he applies firm pressure on your clit with his hand. 

“Ah!” You scream out loudly as your sticky release spurts out around Mihawk’s cock that was deep inside of you. Your twitching walls trigger Mihawk’s orgasm and he lurches forward and spills his hot seed, coating your walls that were milking his cock so deliciously. 

Your lover pulls out of you and lays next to you on the silk sheets. He pulls you into his broad chest and you cuddle into him with a heavy exhale. 

“So, are you still upset with me?” Mihawk finally asks, stroking the back of your head. 

“Yes, but significantly less so.” You nuzzle your nose into his skin. 

“I promise I’ll call next time, alright love? I hate having you worry.” 

“You better, or next time I won’t forgive you as easily.” You retort. 

Mihawk smiles. 

“I’m not so certain about that.”

— — 

xx Mo

[slasherbvnnie]

Could you possibly do a jealous Stu x reader? Maybe where Stu and Tatum are still together, but Stu is actually cheating on her with reader. And Randy gets a little flirty and touchy with reader, unknowing that reader is taken by Stu? Im fine with anything else for the plot- sorry if this isn’t the best, I’m still new to requesting!

I hope this is to your liking, I’m waiting on my ride to go out tonight and wrote this in like 6 minutes… if you want a continuation feel free to ask! Dirty Little Secret

A short and angered breath had left your lips as you stared to your left side, trying to block out any of the noise Randy was currently making in your direction. You blocked out the words he was saying to the best of your ability, you were doing a great job at it up until you felt his hand on your shoulder. Your eyes stared at his hand before moving to his face, his voice suddenly coming in clearly.

“Come on, just one date. I promise it will be well worth your time, I’ll take you to that restaurant you’ve been mentioning,” he offered as you laughed a little. “No offense Randy but we’re just friends. If i saw you as more I would have accepted the other hundreds of times you offered to take me out,” you said as he placed his other hand onto your waist, boxing you into the closest wall.

You frowned as you looked up at him, moving your hand from the strap of your backpack to his hand on your waist, pushing it off of you before he quickly moved it back. “One little date won’t hurt, who knows, maybe you’ll change your mind. And let’s face it, the perks of free rentals with dating me will be well worth it,” he joked slightly, moving closer as you put your hands onto his shoulders. You were about to push him off before a stronger hand grabbed his neck and flung him off of you.

“In your dreams, Meeks. Stay off of her before I rip those hands of yours off. I may not be the killer but I will sure as hell become one if you lay another finger on her,” you heard the familiar voice threaten, looking up to see Stu. It was rare to see Stu as angry as he was now, even when he was mad he usually played it off well, but this time his face was flushed with anger and you could see the veins in his forehead threatening to pop as he stared Randy down.

“Okay, okay. It’s not like shes Tate or anything,” he said, which only angered Stu more as he walked closer to Randy, pushing his index finger against his chest. “You’re right, touch either of them and you’re dead. Think about touching them, dead. If i so much as catch you breathing next to them again, dead. Don’t even make me warn Billy about you being around Sid, you’ll be a deadman as soon as he picks up his phone.” Stu said in a monotone voice, scaring both you and Randy since he was always so lively. Once Randy got the message and walked away, Stu went to your side and placed a hand on your cheek.

“You okay?” He questioned as you nodded, “yeah, you’re really scary when you’re angry, you know,” you said with a nervous laugh. “I’m not angry, well, a little. I’m jealous he can touch you like that in public,” he admitted as you scoffed slightly and brushed his hand away. “Well i’ve already told you how you can fix that,” you said as you began to walk away from him, Stu quickly followed behind and wrapped his arms around your waist. “You said it yourself too that you didn’t want Tate or Sid to be mad at you if I broke up with her just for you. Besides, I know how turned on you get knowing we might get caught,” he said as he pulled away from you, making you flash him a little smile.

“Are your parents home for the night?” You asked as he smirked, “business trips,” “Tate?” “At Sidney’s, projects due tomorrow for chem,” he said as you held your hand out to him, gladly accepting your hand into his. “Let’s head to yours then,” you hummed. “Only if you promise I get to send Meeks some pictures of what he’s missing out on.”

[watching-sam-and-dean-again]

Watching a reactor on YouTube who just got to Season 4: Lazarus Rising, and I’m so annoyed by the amount of comments with people saying things like, "this is when the series REALLY starts" and "Seasons 1-3 were the prologue, now The Story begins" and "I’ve been waiting for you to meet my favorite character!"

First, I will never be able to understand Castiel being someone's legitimate favorite character. I just don’t get it. He starts off as a massive dick, becomes an ally, uses and betrays both brothers a number of times, rarely takes full responsibility for his actions, and ends up as a totally different and neutered version of himself. But this guy is your favorite!? The only reason I think a large number of fans who love him do is because he comes in the gate treating Sam like crap and he becomes a simp for Dean (or they are shippers). Also, if someone is a more casual fan, I can see enjoying Cass because he’s quirky and he mostly stands up for the Winchesters, but if someone is a big fan of the brothers, Cass makes their lives harder a lot of the time. Also, I’m coming to really hate the fact that the dude is always in a trench coat. How am I supposed to take a character seriously who is essentially like an unchanging cartoon character come to life? Anyway, despite how it might sound from my ranting, I actually do think people are allowed to love whatever character they want, but it just doesn’t compute for me personally that it’s Cass as he is on screen (not in someone’s head).

Next, the idea of people calling the first three seasons "The Prologue" to supernatural is offensive to me personally (well, not offensive but it’s dumb as hell). A prologue is used to give some important background that should be known for you to better understand the main story, but it happened before, or doesn’t quite fit into, the main narrative. I’m sorry, but the first three seasons of Supernatural are the foundation that everything builds off of, and maybe I’m splitting hairs here, but it’s not just the set up to the Real Story. The Real Story of Supernatural has always been and will always be "the epic love story of Sam and Dean," not the angel crap. Calling the basis of the whole show the prologue has an implied message that it’s not as important as, or connected to the rest of the story. Again, people are allowed to have their own opinions about what they enjoy in media, but this idea that what came before Season 4 wasn’t as important as the rest of the show is actually bad media literacy, especially when you consider how much retconning and inconsistency later seasons have (*cough* John Winchester, for exapmle). The early seasons are Supernatural at its most pure, and if you don’t like or care about Sam and Dean's story, what are you doing here?

I was going to go on by listing all of the important things that we learn about Sam and Dean's characters and relationship in the first three seasons, but honesty, I’m tired. If you’re reading my post, I’m sure you already know. True fans of the show, even if seasons 1 to 3 aren’t their favorite, know how important these seasons are. Frankly, if someone claims that they don’t matter as much as the later season, then I’m going to assume that they are probably a heller (and I’m probably right), thus their opinions on the show don’t matter.

Speaking of Hellers, they are the Jehovah’s Witnesses of fandom. They descend on your doorstep (YouTube video, blog post, etc), uninvited and unwelcome, to make you uncomfortable by forcing their literature (head-canons and subtext) on you in a vain attempt to make you convert to their twisted version of a cult religion (Destiel). Some get indoctrinated into their cult, others consider them a joke, and yet others are driven to madness by the constant hounding of the hellers. I wish they would just stay in their lane and let people come to their own conclusions about the show and the characters, but they try to gatekeep the fandom experience by jumping on anyone new and telling them how they are the "most popular ship" and that supernatural queerbaits, but Dean and Cass are still totes husbands, and there is some other guy there, too but Sam is just some jerk who isn’t as important as Wuwu Dean and their Little Meow Meow Cass. If somone actually sees and enjoys Destiel on their own, great, good for them; they’ll find the blogs and groups who love it too. Hellers don’t need to try actively recruiting people. It’s all just a numbers gone to them. We have the most fanfic (um, yes, because the show doesn’t deliver what you want), we are the most popular ship (sure, because the other main ship is brothers which squicks some people out, and because you crucify anyone who admits to being a Wincest shipper), and they tell the stupidest lies (the show shifts away from being about the brothers, and focusses more on Dean and Cass' "relationship," and Sam isn’t as important to the story later). I wish they would just stay in their own sandbox and not come pee in everyone else's. Cult like behavior in action.

Okay, deep breaths. I’m grad I got that one off of my chest, but my blog is getting very ranty. I’m going to try make sure my next post is a positive one.

Happy weekend everyone!

[macsimagines]

Ahhh you write for them wonderfully? You’ve gone above and beyond my expectations and I appreciate all you’ve done ♡

I hope that you’re not too busy and that I’m not pestering you too much; may i request the same Yan! Shin/Izana/Ran trio stalking their darling throughout the city on their day off? Like them following and observing as their s/o runs errands, goes to appointments, etc?

Thank you for the love and thank you for your patience with me. Ive really enjoyed writing your requests

Yandere!Shinichiro

Was devastated when you told him he couldn't go with you. "My bad Boo, but you're too distracting and I really need to get these errands done today."

He took such great offense to that. What's so distracting about constantly having a hand on your ass and his tongue in your mouth- ok. Maybe he can be a smidge attention diverting...

But its ok! He can still be with you, just in a far off corner where you can't see him. Its almost nostalgic, it's just like back in high school before you two were dating.

Loves the way you're doing your errands though. Look at his baby go, being all domestic at the grocery store. Takes pictures on his phone because its just too cute the way you read all the store labels.

You end up catching him in the frozen foods section. "Hey there, sweet thang... Come here often?" Cheesy pick up lines and his stalking aside, at least he's cute right?

Yandere!Izana

What in the hell? You chew his ear off about how you never get to spend time together and how he always blows you off and now that he finally has a day set aside for you, you can't even spare him a second?

"Sorry baby, I've got a really important appointment today and I can't miss it." "Are you shittin' me? An appointment for what?" "....hair."

You must think you're real slick if you honestly believe that he'll fall for a lie like that. He knew this was gong to happen. Obviously you're planning on leaving him.

Like he'll let you walk away, its his own fault, as if you can leave him alive, he should've paid more attention to you, you're not going anywhere but in a fucking body bag, please don't go.

He follows you, he wants to catch you in the act. Did you meet someone new? Are you trying to just dip out of town while his guard is down?

Izana does catch you. At an appointment. At a maternity clinic. So you did lie, but this is a whole other monster than what he was ready for. Could this mean...

Waits outside for an hour and can't even enjoy the shocked look on your face. All he wants are answers.

"Well, Y/N?" With shaky hands and tears in your eyes you hand him a picture of an ultrasound. He can barely make out the tiny blob in the photo but suddenly he knows why you were so moody and trying to blow him off.

"I'm sor-!" Izana isn't one for PDA, but before you can get even a single apology out he's embracing you in a tight hug. This is the best possible outcome.

Yandere!Ran

Well ain't this a bitch? He wakes up at the crack of dawn, 12pm, and you've already left the apartment? Only leaving a note; Enjoy your day off baby! Running errands, be back 2nite!

Bullshit! He took the day off for you, and to sleep like the dead, but mostly for you! Ran had actually planned to take you out shopping then drop by that nice restaurant you like so much for dinner.

This will not stand. Using the app he had installed on your phone, he bought it and pays the bill he can put whatever he wants on it, he tracks your location all the way to the market.

He's going to surprise you and drag you home. You can't just take off like that. Who is he supposed to spoon when you're gone? His pillow? Pathetic.

But then he sees you. So cute in your skirt and sweater, holding a basket of all that fresh produce he knows use when you make him his food. You take such good care of him.

Ran really does want to be mad but how can he when you're just an angel....

When he finally confronts you he does try hard to front like he's mad. "You could've woken me up..." he pouts. You just pat him on the head. "Big baby. Want to help me pick out some fruit? I'm thinking of making a parfait for dessert?"

[yeonjunszn]

like hot summer ☼

pairing park sunghoon x f!reader

word count 8k

genres fluff﹒slight angst ﹒smut

warnings 18+ minors dni, mature language, best friends to lovers trope, sharing a bed/room trope, insufferable heeseung + slightly less insufferable jake, features enha jay, txt beomgyu, taehyun, and huening + skz jeongin, also features nct dream, i’m so sorry for doing u so dirty jisung 💔, mentions of alcohol, hoon is kinda mean for like a singular second, vaginal fingering, marking?, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it 😒), finishing inside, Lots of Kissing, they’re kinda gross at the end like i made myself mad with how cute they were being so of course i had to ruin it… u’ll see 😇

summary you’ve been best friends for years now, so why does the idea of sharing a room with him get you so flustered?

more HAPPY 900 FOLLOWERS!! thank u guys so much for giving me this platform to write even if it is for boys who have no idea i exist 😭 writing has always been something very dear to me since a young age and i’m so grateful for being able to get this far on this site. i’ve had an issue with reach in the past and this blog has been nothing but kind to me. i’m forever indebted to all of u and my future followers 🫶 here’s a small token of my appreciation — i havent written anything nsfw since ? march ? i believe 💀 so i apologize if this is rough.. it was originally a vernon fic before i decided not to write for svt anymore and i actually started it in july 😭😭 which is why it’s another summer based fic LMFAOAOAO anyways it was supposed to be like 5k and i got carried away so here u go <3

“please do not take those with you.”

you look up from the suitcase you were stuffing clothes in, a pair of your most comfortable underwear currently in your hands. heeseung gives you a dissatisfied look, standing from his spot in your desk chair to snatch them and throw the garment behind him.

“okay? what the hell?” you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“we’re going on a trip where you’ll most likely be meeting new people. i don’t think you want to be dressed like a grandma when you do.” he explains with an eye roll, as if it was obvious.

“first of all, rude, they’re cute. second of all, i don’t plan on sleeping around,” you frown, glancing behind him at your poor underwear on the floor. “i should’ve just asked hoon to help me pack. you suck.”

“i’m pretty sure he’d also tell you to ditch the granny-panties.” he shrugs, sitting back on the rolling chair.

“n-no! i wouldn’t have even let him see me packing my undergarments.” you say defensively.

“you’ve been best friends this long and he’s never seen your underwear at least once? what makes me so special.” the brunette snorts.

“you’re… you.”

he gasps in feign offense, slapping his chest. “what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“don’t take it personally! i’d probably let jake see my underwear too,” you defend your words, rifling through your clothes to make sure everything you needed was good to go. when you glance up at heeseung, he has a grimace on his face and you realize what you just said. “stop it! i meant because i see you both like brothers, so it wouldn’t be weird.”

“there are two things to be discussed here; one being the fact that you’d let bitchless, has never felt the touch of a woman in his life, jake sim, see your underwear— even if you think of him as a brother. and two being the fact that sunghoon is somehow different despite knowing him the same amount of time as us.” he raises an eyebrow as you turn to your dresser in search for a pair of replacement panties, since he so graciously tossed aside your favorites, then zip your suitcase shut.

with a grunt, you lug the thing off your bed, checking your appearance in the mirror since you were getting picked up soon. you peek over your shoulder at the brunette, narrowing your eyes. “i hope you know that you’re the absolute bane of my existence, lee heeseung.”

a couple hours later you find yourself sipping on a margarita, poolside at the airbnb you and your friends were renting. the beach was within walking distance, but you didn’t feel like going so you stayed back by yourself. you didn’t mind it at all, because it was probably the only chance you’d get to be alone in a house full of boys.

nine of you crammed into a single house was not ideal, especially considering you were the only girl in your group, but you planned this trip every year. loud, gross, and annoying antics aside, you loved them more than anything. (except maybe when they asked you to set any of them up with one of your girl friends.)

you also felt like you needed a bit of reprieve before you called it a night, since you weren’t given the privilege of your own room this time. all of you made the grave mistake of putting beomgyu in charge of booking the airbnb and his dumbass forgot until about a month ago, when he scrambled to find something within everyone’s standards and big enough to accommodate your large party. and while he was able to secure something, it did mean you’d have to have a roommate.

everyone agreed that it’d be okay if it was just you and one other person to respect your boundaries. rooming arrangements varied from year to year depending on how you decided, but this was the first time you were included. the boys got straight into it the moment you all set foot on the property, arguing in the front yard while you figured out how to work the keypad on the door. due to your ignorance to their shenanigans, you didn’t know who your temporary roommate was until the whole ordeal was a done deal.

before anything was set in stone, there was a unanimous choice to give you and whoever you ended up with the master bedroom, because none of them wanted you biting their heads off for hogging the bathroom. in the first room (the one next to the master), was heeseung, beomgyu, and jeongin, delegated by a game of rock paper scissors. by some miracle or just sheer dumb luck, the three idiots wound up together and celebrated by hugging in a circle and jumping around like elementary schoolers. the second room went to jay, jake, taehyun, and kai. this left one person— park sunghoon.

had you participated in the actual game, you would’ve started a riot to switch roommates. hell, you’d even share a room with jake, and that said everything about how you were feeling towards this situation.

it’s not that you didn’t want to room with sunghoon, per se, it was more like you were afraid to room with him. he was decently calm and an easy person to get along with for the most part. except his ability to tease you in any situation lit a fire under you. his jokes that would seem belittling to anyone else felt flirty and it drove you crazy. all of the guys in your friend group were good looking, but you always found yourself gravitating more towards sunghoon. (besides, you could never in a million years see yourself making out with someone like taehyun; who you thought was quite honestly prettier than you or beomgyu; who enjoyed personally talking your ear off every opportunity he got.)

when the boys finally come back from the beach, the sun has set and you, yourself, had just returned from picking up dinner. the nine of you ate with comfortable conversation here and there, exhausted from the long day you just had, before drawing the evening to a close.

you feel awkward trudging up the stairs to your room with sunghoon in tow, like if you say the wrong thing you’ll alter the entire course of your friendship. he tells you that you can shower first and so you do, but halfway through, you realize you forgot to grab you clothes on the way in. you curse at yourself as you rinse your body wash, switching off the water.

you wrap your towel around yourself timidly, well aware that it’s the only thing stopping sunghoon from seeing your bare body. with a gulp, you reach for the door handle, pushing it open slowly. he’s sat on the edge of the bed scrolling through his phone, uninformed of your presence. you kneel down to your suitcase to quickly grab what you need so you can rush back into the bathroom and change, but the universe hates you and doesn’t think it should be that easy.

“shit shit shit shit,”

you frantically sift through your clothes after getting your undergarments, only for your pajamas to be missing. you remember packing them and you know heeseung was there when you—

you were going to murder lee heeseung.

fuck him and his overt desire to make your life a living hell. first there was the underwear thing and now this. did he not think your care bear pajamas were cute enough to bring on this trip? either way, you couldn’t wait to strangle him, your fingers wiggling in anticipation.

“hey, is everything okay?” sunghoon’s voice calls out, pulling you away from your nefarious plotting. your eyes widen almost comically because you’re still very much naked under your towel and you don’t have clothes to sleep in.

“uh— i— i think i forgot to pack— i mean— i can’t find my pajamas.” you admit shamefully, too embarrassed to look up at him.

the bed creaks lightly, notifying you that he got up. you stand from your crouched position, careful not to accidentally flash him. he rummages through his own suitcase, spinning around to toss a t-shirt at you. you catch it with your free hand and your cheeks are still impossibly warm. you’re not sure if your mind is playing tricks on you, or if he really did rake his vision over your figure.

your heart is racing mortifyingly fast so you give him a tight lipped smile and raise your hand in thanks, bringing it back down just as fast when you think about the fact that you were holding your underwear in the same hand.

you think that’s the fastest you’ve ever run away from something, leaning back against the door while pressing the back of your palm to your forehead, your chest heaving. confidence wasn’t a weakness to you and it pissed you off to no end that it seemed to be only when sunghoon was around that you acted like a complete clown.

there was no chance of you surviving this trip.

the following day, you and the boys had gone out for an early lunch. because you were such a big group, they split you into two different tables. yours consisted of jake, heeseung, beomgyu, and jeongin. the entire time you kept your glare on the brunette sitting directly across from you, even as you shoveled rice into your mouth.

“woah, y/n. if looks could kill, hee would be dead by now.” jake laughs, pointing at you with his chopsticks.

“good,” you say flatly. “that’s what i want.”

heeseung looks thoroughly offended by your statement, clicking his tongue in response. “i don’t know why you hate me so much.”

“oh really?” you ask with a small scoff, sarcasm leaking through your words.

“what’d he do?” beomgyu snorts, flicking his eyes between you and heeseung curiously.

you don’t take your eyes off of the latter, rather you give him an even harsher stare than before. you squint slightly, crossing your legs and leaning back into your chair. “he was with me when i was packing my clothes yesterday and when i went to change after i got out of the shower last night, my pajamas were missing. and i swear i packed them. i even double checked my suitcase.”

jeongin purses his lips and raises his eyebrows. “the care bear pajamas?”

“the care bear pajamas!” you exclaim.

“wow, heeseung, it’s like you’re asking to be suffocated with a pillow in your sleep.”

“that was such an oddly specific cause of death.”

“wait a damn minute! how do you even know it was me? why are you just assuming shit like that?” he defends, picking up his hands like he’s innocent of all crimes. jake holds back a laugh at his reaction and jeongin gives him a deadpan expression.

“why are you being so defensive about it? clearly that means it was you.”

“i agree! i know this is apart of his stupid ‘get-y/n-laid’ agenda. what if i don’t wanna get laid?!” you flail your arms exasperatedly.

beomgyu holds up a finger to halt you, scrunching his eyebrows together. “everyone wants to get laid. you’re no exception.”

you narrow your gaze at him as if to say ‘not helping’ and he shuts up, squeezing his lips together. if there was anything he could’ve said in that moment, that was not it. especially not when you were trying to prove your case. you were an independent woman! you didn’t need to sleep around if you didn’t want to! (you did, with a specific person, but that's besides the point.)

“so what’d you end up wearing to sleep?” jeongin asks, resting his chin in his palm before gasping. “wow, n/n, sunghoon got to see you half naked?”

“no! he lent me a shirt!” you dispute frantically.

“boring,” jake drags out the o. “i think i have an extra you can borrow for tonight if you don’t wanna wear that one again.”

“please, you’re a lifesaver, jake,” you clasp your hands together. “unlike someone by the name of lee heeseung, who’s currently on my hit list. you better sleep with one eye open by the way.”

“could you be a little quiet with it though? i share a room with him.” beomgyu throws in.

“don’t worry, gyu. i've been googling different ways that would be silent, quick, and successful.” you fist bump him, before resuming your eating.

“i don’t get why you’re not groveling at my feet and thanking me right now. i did you a favor, you know,” heeseung huffs, his words slightly muffled by the food filling his mouth. “you get to keep his shirt and sleep in the same bed as him. isn’t that a win?”

“i don’t like him like that, seung.” you say a bit harsher than you intended. the table grows quiet at your outburst, even if they all speculate that you’re lying. the silence causes the other table to look over in concern.

whether you’re just extremely unlucky, or the gods actually think you’re a waste of a human being, you don’t know, but things keep screwing up in your favor. you make accidental eye contact with sunghoon, whose lips are slightly turned downward when he sees how distressed you appear.

it pisses you off.

it pisses you off because all you want to do is kiss those same lips until you can’t breathe. you want him to press them all over your skin, making you hot and bothered. you want him to whisper sweet sweet nothings into your ear and pepper little smooches along the shell of it with them. it pisses you off because you know he doesn’t feel the same.

and it’s so fucking annoying.

you’re probably the only girl he’d never see that way, thanks to the long history you share. you’ll always be another one of the guys to him. you’re someone he knows will be there for him to fall back on when a talking stage fails. you’re someone he knows will sit there and listen to his tales of how he got his dick wet, listen to his bragging.

it should deter your feelings, honestly. not only due to the fact that you have no chance with him, but because he was your best friend. you shouldn’t be mad at him for treating you as such. except you can’t help that you are.

after lunch, the group decided you might as well have another beach day, seeing as it was within walking distance from the airbnb. since you weren’t much of a beach fan (you hated the salty air and, even worse, the sand), the boys allowed you to pick the activity for the night.

there was a club you passed by on your way back from the restaurant that looked intriguing, so that was what you landed on.

you watched your friends mess around by the water as you stayed planted on a beach towel under an umbrella, sunglasses perched on the bridge of your nose. your body weight rested on your palms as you leaned back, soaking up the warmth on your skin. your cute white, shimmery bikini was a head turner, guys staring as they walked by you, ogling at your sunbathing.

you half hoped someone would just go up to you instead of drooling from afar, but at the same time, the thought of a stranger approaching you made you nervous. though, it would provide a decent distraction.

you try to act surprised when someone finally takes the bait.

he’s an attractive guy, you’ll admit, with dark hair that falls onto his forehead, slightly in his eyes which are also obscured by a pair of sunglasses. he ruffles it a bit before dropping himself on the sand beside you. he doesn’t talk for a few minutes, just copying your actions.

a small smile makes way onto your lips at his nonchalance and you turn to face him, pushing your shades up on top of your head. he does the same, giving you his own smile. now that you have a full view of his features, you can 100% say that he’s indeed handsome.

with an extended hand, he says, “hi, i’m park jisung.”

you return the gesture, shaking it with a firm grip. “l/n y/n.”

“wow, pretty name for a pretty girl. your parents must’ve known what they were doing.” he flirts with a laugh, almost like it’s second nature for him.

you can’t hide how bashful the compliment makes you, a tiny giggle bubbling from your chest. the bikini gave you a confidence boost when you put it on, but despite that, you were still you. so hearing little things like that always made you shy, especially because you weren’t used to it. how could you? being friends with a bunch of boys and all, guys never really cared to look in your direction.

“do you say that to every girl you meet, park jisung?” you manage to tease back, proud of yourself for recovering so quickly.

his smile morphs into a grin, his teeth peeking through his lips, and his eyes crinkle at the sides. “nope. just the really pretty ones.”

you tilt your chin into your shoulder as you feel heat spread across your cheeks. how was this guy so smooth? it’s like he knew exactly what you wanted/needed to hear and kept saying it.

when you compose yourself, you continue your conversation with jisung. it’s comfortable, even if you’d never met him before today, and it feels like you’ve known him for a while. you learn that he’s also on a trip with his friends, the six of them stationed just a few umbrellas over to your left. (he groans when you catch them spying on the two of you.) then he tells you that he noticed you earlier and his friends had finally convinced him to shoot his shot.

“you know, if you’d come up to me sooner, i would’ve been a lot less bored,” you sigh, scooting a little closer to him. “my friends have been ignoring me since we got here and i fucking hate the beach.”

he chuckles at that, subtly brushing his fingers against yours. “sorry about that. i guess you’re glad i saved the day, huh?”

“very,” you link your pinkie with his. “so, we’re going out later tonight to some club called allure? i think? it’d be really cool if you went, just saying. you can bring your friends.”

“that sounds like fun. maybe you’ll see us there,” he shrugs, nudging your foot with his. “depends on how bad you wanna see me.”

“nooo, don’t do me like that, jisung,” you whine halfheartedly, covering your face with your free hand. “i would like to see you there, but i don’t wanna beg.”

jisung laughs at how cute you are, poking your cheek with a nod. “okay okay, you convinced me. i’ll tell the guys.”

“okay, cool.” you breathe, tangling your fingers with his as you both stare at each other goofily. you almost lean in, the gap between you only disrupted by a centimeter, but then a throat clears itself and you jump apart.

it seemed that the guys all finally noticed you weren’t alone and decided to pay attention to you. you make eye contact with sunghoon and feel a shudder run down your spine, trying your hardest to conceal it.

“hey, y/n, who’s this?” he asks, albeit passively.

“oh, this is jisung. him and his friends are gonna meet us at the club tonight!” you give him a tight lipped smile, glancing over to gauge jisung’s reaction. he doesn’t look too fazed by their presence, instead standing up so he could introduce himself to each of them.

you sputter at the action, surprised that he was so willing to be buddy-buddy with the boys. you assume it’s because he isn’t too intimidated by them, considering they’d been ignorant toward your presence until now.

after he’s done, he turns to you and puffs his cheeks, blowing air between his lips. “i guess i better get going. i’ll see you later?”

“mhm,” you rub his arm. “see you tonight, ji.”

the nickname makes him grin and he ruffles your hair before bidding you all a goodbye. your eyes follow as he walks over to his friends, who are fist bumping in celebration of his success with you. your smile doesn’t go away as you look back at your own friends.

jake jumps up and down, shaking you aggressively by the shoulders. “y/n, holy shit! rizz master or what?”

beomgyu and jeongin burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, falling into each other as you roll your eyes. jake would be the one to use such a gen z term at his age. “please never call me that again.”

“well jakey, looks like she won’t need your shirt tonight after all. chances are she’ll use jisung’s instead.” heeseung jokes, smacking your arm playfully.

you cover your face with both hands to shelter how embarrassed they’re making you feel. rule number one for being best friends with a bunch of boys— don’t. they’re nothing but menaces. and if you happen to acquire a friend group of just males— don’t let them meet your significant other.

as you wrap up your day at the beach, so you could head back to the airbnb to get ready for your night out, you realize sunghoon is keeping to himself a lot. and you don’t know what to make of that.

you feel like a million bucks if you’re being completely honest with yourself. you packed one of the nicest dresses you owned in case you needed it and you were so glad you did. it would’ve been awkward rolling up to the club in shorts and a bikini top— though you’re sure management has probably seen that before.

it was gold and sparkly, with spaghetti straps and a lace-up back, low cut enough that it was cute rather than overly revealing. you styled your hair to preference and kept the makeup simple, soft glam that didn’t distract from the outfit. this was the prettiest you felt in weeks— months even— and it was a comforting change of pace.

when you step out of the bathroom, sunghoon is laying on his back on the bed, scrolling through his phone. the sound of your heels clacking on the wooden floor forces him to sit up. “how long does it take to—?”

his words die out once he sees you, his throat going dry and his stomach tightening with an incessant knot. you look so gorgeous, it almost makes him angry that it’s not for him. never in your seven years of friendship has he ever seen you put this much effort in your appearance. (he thinks that’s why he feels himself getting worked up.)

“woah, missy, you’re not leaving the house looking like that. where’s your coat?” he raises an eyebrow, masking the icky feeling brewing inside of him.

“hoon, it’s like a hundred degrees out. we’re in the middle of a heatwave at the peak of the summer, the fuck do i need a coat for?” you counter with a scoff, shoving your phone and some lip gloss along with your credit card and ID in the little clutch you were taking with you.

“i’m just saying,” he shrugs. “you’re practically wearing a piece of cloth, you might get cold.”

“shut up, i’ll be fine.” you snort, exiting the room and leaving him scrambling for control of himself.

the rest of the guys are already waiting downstairs, whistling and hollering once you reach the bottom of the steps. jake tells you to do a little twirl, cheering you on like he was best friends with bella hadid or something. (you won't admit that it fuels your ego.)

“where’s sunghoon?” jay asks crouching to see if he was visible from where he was standing.

“i don’t know, but he’s being weird. my vote is we leave without him.” taehyun holds up a finger, pursing his lips as if he was being totally serious about his suggestion. you laugh at his expression, flicking his forehead.

“don’t be mean, tyun.”

a couple minutes later, sunghoon finally makes his way downstairs, looking conflicted about something. as much as you wanna ask, you know you shouldn’t get into it right now, so you choose not to.

jisung and his group are already at the club when you arrive and he waves you over to the high tables they secured. he introduces you to his six friends; mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, and chenle. once you’ve met them, the two of you introduce your own friends to each other. it makes you happy that they seem to hit it off, breaking off into smaller cliques.

you and jisung wander off to the bar, ordering some drinks for yourselves. he helps you sit at one of the stools, his hand resting comfortably on your lower back. it doesn’t take long for the bartender to hand you your poison for the night and you take a gulp with a wince, letting the alcohol burn in its course down your throat.

“you look really good, by the way,” jisung compliments, his thumb rubbing circles into the skin that peeks through the straps in the back of your dress. “i didn’t get to tell you when you got here.”

his mouth brushes your ear as he speaks so you can hear him over the booming top forties music playing. there’s not nearly enough alcohol in your system to warrant the heat blooming under your skin so soon. you just giggle in response, spinning in your chair so you’re facing him. you hold your straw between two fingers as you sip at your beverage, looking up at him through thick lashes coated in mascara.

“you’re really something else, y/n,” he shakes his head, downing the rest of his drink before you return to your friends. “i’m gonna use the restroom, i’ll be right back.”

you nod with a smile when he pets your head, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple. it catches you off guard, but you don’t mind it one bit. at least someone was interested in you for once.

heeseung squeezes his way through the crowd to you and narrows his eyes, taking a hold of either side of your head. your cheeks squish together and your lips form a pout, so no matter how annoyed you try to come across, you just look silly. your attempts to get him off of you are futile, making you raise a brow to find out why he was being so touchy-feely.

“i still cannot believe you managed to make moves while you were alone. i literally never saw this coming.”

god, lee heeseung was such a lightweight.

“can you stop being sentimental? it’s kinda gross.” you grimace, your words mushed together much like your cheeks. it’s at this point that jake decides to join in, throwing his arms around your shoulders.

(jake sim was also a lightweight.)

“i love you guys! i’m so glad we’re here together right now!”

you spot jisung coming back from the restroom, pleading for him to save you with your eyes. he laughs and inserts himself in the conversation. “i appreciate you guys watching over y/n for me while i was gone, but do you think i can steal her back?”

“i guess,” jake sighs dramatically, dragging out the s. “but you better bring her back in one piece, park.”

jisung salutes to the brunette, even if he wasn’t at all intimidated by his overprotective parent persona, and whisks you away to get more drinks and then to hit the dance floor. the moment your foot reaches the tiled ground, a summer walker song starts, and all coherent thoughts leave your mind.

you keep one arm wrapped around jisung’s neck as you begin to sway your hips with the music, taking swigs of your drink every now and then. his is long forgotten in favor of gripping your waist like you’d run away any second. you have him wrapped around your finger, the way he’s fixated on you and your movements has your head spinning. but when you glance towards the general direction all of your friends were in, you accidentally make eye contact with none other than park sunghoon.

he’s glaring right at you, making no attempt to hide the distaste on his features while he watches you dance. you keep the eye contact when jisung leans into your neck, his nose grazing the sensitive spot just below your ear.

usually you’d fold then and there, crumbling in his hands and letting him take you home for the night. but there’s something about the darkness in sunghoon’s gaze that sends a shiver down your spine, not the person you were currently grinding into on the dance floor. it sends your mind into a frenzy.

your blissful ignorance to the amount of attraction you truly felt for him was causing more problems than solving them. here you were, a nice guy treating you like an absolute princess, but still thirsting after one of your best friends with not a single ounce of fucking shame. years of pent up frustration and insufferable pining bubble over, and you don’t stop yourself from what you’re about to do next.

you pull back from jisung, finally breaking the staring contest between you and sunghoon, and smile at him, pushing some hair out of his eyes. he gives you a look of utter confusion and you huff. “i’m sorry, but i’m feeling a little tired. i think the drinks are getting to me.”

“do you want me to drop you off at your place?” he asks, so sweetly it actually makes you feel bad about your true intentions. you shake your head ‘no’.

“it’s okay, you can stay here with your friends. i’ll just ask one of the boys,” you respond, patting his cheek. “one of the sober ones.”

“alright, if you insist. just be careful and text me later, yeah?” he gives you that award winning grin that made you weak at the knees just moments ago. this time you don’t give him a verbal response, too afraid of your voice betraying you.

you still don’t say anything as you grab your clutch from the table where your group was at, flickering your vision to sunghoon once before you walk out of the club. the air is cooler than this afternoon, serving as a nice contrast to your warm, sticky skin. your ears are still ringing from the blaring music and you’re pleasantly buzzed, but you feel great.

the sound inside the club travels outside for a second when the door opens and closes, signaling that someone had just walked out. you don’t want to risk the backwards glance in case it’s not who you’re hoping it is and you feel dumb. you opt to stare at the cars passing on the street, hugging yourself.

there’s the ghost of a touch on the small of your back and a broad chest pressed to your shoulders, causing you to jump slightly. “ditched that dude finally?”

you swallow thickly, his deep voice reverberating in your bones. “and if i did?”

sunghoon chuckles, his fingers dancing around the knot of your dress. “then i won’t have to feel like an asshole for what i’m about to do to you.”

you squeak as he starts to push you in the direction of the airbnb, your feet carrying you as fast as you can with your heels. the walk is silent except for the clicking against the concrete sidewalk, but it’s heavy with tension. half of you wants to say something, to ask what’s even happening. you don’t even realize he’s punching the numbers into the keypad and pulling you into the house until you’re pinned to the shut door, nose skimming yours.

sunghoon has a desperate grip around your wrists, breathing like he’d just ran a marathon. you stare up at him with wide eyes. you’re not entirely sure what you were hoping for when you executed this plan, but this wasn’t anywhere near the list of outcomes. in fact, you were positive that park sunghoon didn’t feel any sort of attraction to you.

“hoon,” you gasp, tongue swiping across your bottom lip.

he grins, his canines peeking through those lips of his that looked so soft. “you look so pretty tonight, n/n. can’t believe i get to have you all to myself.”

your head feels empty, like there’s nothing but cotton filling your skull where your brain should be. this was something out of a dream for you, something you’d only ever seen in your darkest fantasies. you wanted him to kiss you so badly it was beginning to ache. your head tilts to the side just a bit, your eyes alternating between his mouth and his own.

“need you,” you whisper, voice airy. “‘ve been waiting for this for so long.”

he connects your lips at that, a burning fever behind his actions as he does so. the dizziness doesn’t go away, instead amplifying. he releases your wrists in favor of grabbing at your thighs, his blunt nails digging into the plush skin. you tangle your fingers in his hair and tug at the silky strands, forcing a groan out of him. kissing sunghoon is sickening. it’s exactly how they describe it in books, the stomach churning and the goosebumps and all. this morning, you never would’ve thought you’d be here, but you’re completely satisfied with this turn of events.

“bedroom,” he breathes. “don’t want anyone seeing you like this but me.”

he doesn’t have to tell you twice, your heels discarded at the bottom of the stairs. the minute you’re in your shared room, his mouth is hot on yours again and you’re collapsing on to the bed. his hands are everywhere and there’s too many clothes between you. you slide your hands under his shirt, grazing your nails along his abdomen, smiling when it tenses under your touch. he gets the memo, removing his shirt and tossing it haphazardly behind him. you fumble with the button of his jeans and he laughs at how needy you are, solidifying just how real this moment actually is.

you notice that he’s already hard once his pants are gone and you palm his bulge as you lean back in for another kiss. he sighs into your mouth, reaching around your back to untie the knot on your dress. the straps fall instantaneously, the front of the fabric slipping down to reveal your bare chest. sunghoon’s lips move from yours to your jaw and along the column of your neck until he’s at your chest, looking up at you as he leaves open mouthed kisses all over your tits. you moan softly when the warmth of his mouth envelopes a sensitive nipple, slipping your dress off all the way so you’re left in nothing but your panties.

he steps back for a second to kick the article of clothing away, before caging your body with his. “i’ve been wanting to get you out of that dress all night. it pissed me off that you didn’t put it on for me, but he doesn’t get to see you all fucked out untouched, now does he?”

you shake your head, but that doesn’t satisfy him. his thumb finds your clit through the thin material of your underwear, rubbing tight circles into it to get a reaction from you. your lips part and your eyes squeeze shut, but it’s not enough for him. he grabs your chin a little forcefully, smushing your cheeks together like heeseung did earlier— however there was nothing wholesome about this moment.

“i asked you a fucking question.” sunghoon all but growls.

“n-no, hoon. only you,” you whimper, his mean demeanor turning you on even more. you’re embarrassed by the wet patch forming on the front of your panties and deep deep down you’re thanking lee heeseung for throwing the other pair out of your suitcase. (very very very deep down— you’d never give him the benefit of being right.)

“that’s my good girl,” he hooks his fingers into the waistband, glancing at you for confirmation. “are we really going through with this? you can back out now.”

your heart thumps disgustingly loud in your ears at how sincere he sounds and you pray to god that he can’t hear it. “sunghoon, i’m laying half naked in front of you right now— if you don’t fuck me—”

“alright alright… you got it,” he laughs that cute laugh of his, the one he reserves solely for you. the one that has crows feet forming at the corners of his eyes. it drives you crazier than anything else he’s done the entire night.

sunghoon slides your underwear down your legs with one hand, the other propping himself up to hover over you. you kick them off, biting your lip and hissing when he decides to run a finger up your slit. he curses as he watches how your arousal coats the digit. all you’ve done is kiss and you’re dripping.

“you’re soaked, baby,” he practically groans, pecking your jaw. “gonna ruin your pussy so you know who you belong to.”

you whine when he thrusts a finger in without warning, quickly adding a second and massaging your swollen clit with the pad of his thumb. your head rolls back as moans and expletives spill from your mouth. sunghoon takes the opportunity to mark you as his, sucking and biting your neck and chest like he was a leech, ensuring bruises formed in his wake. he finds the sweet spot at your pulse point, curling his fingers at the same time he nips at it.

“f-fuck, right th-there, hoonie,” you mewl, instinctively spreading your legs wider.

at this rate, you don’t think you’ll last much longer.

you know he can tell too with the way he speeds up the pace of his fingers. you clench around them and he connects your lips once again, his tongue tangling with yours messily. it’s so sloppy and so aggressive, but it’s perfect. it’s so sunghoon.

he keeps working at you, kissing everywhere he can until he pushes the right buttons to make you fall apart in his hands. when he finally finds it— a little nibble to your earlobe— your back arches further into him, your moans uncontrollable and incomprehensible as your orgasm washes over you. the skill of his mouth and hands has you reeling from the experience knowing no one else could ever make you feel like this ever again.

once you’ve come down, he slowly pulls his fingers out, sucking them so he can taste you and all that you are. he groans before pressing a quick kiss to your lips. you sigh in content.

“if you cum like that just from my fingers, i can’t wait to see how you look with my cock,” he mutters into your mouth, evoking a whine out of you. “so gorgeous.”

sunghoon steps away to remove his underwear, revealing himself to you. you have to stop yourself from drooling, reaching out to stroke his length languidly. he hisses as he goes back in for another kiss, biting on your lower lip when your thumb swipes over the slit on his sensitive tip.

he drags you to the edge of the bed, pushing away your hands so he can guide himself to your entrance. “are you ready for me, baby?”

“mhm,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist to get him closer— if possible. “want you so bad, sunghoon.”

the sound of his name leaving your lips so filthily has the blood rushing from his brain to his dick even faster than before. he slips in easily, your arousal lubricating enough for him to bottom out almost completely. his balls slap against your ass when he does, his cock sheathed inside of you so far it’s like it’s poking your stomach.

his pace starts slow and consistent, his hips rocking into yours with timed thrusts that hit deep. your legs feel weak and your head is spinning, drunk off of his cock and how good it is. but it’s not satisfying you, you need more. you want more.

your heels dig into the dip of his lower back and you mewl, “faster, p-please.”

“anything for you, pretty girl.” he grunts, using one hand to grip your hip and the other to form a makeshift ponytail with your hair, tugging your head back so he can rest his forehead in the crook of your neck.

sunghoon angles his hips and pistons his cock into you quicker. each thrust is punctuated by his pelvis snapping into your own harshly and his fistful of your hair stinging your scalp. his hold on your waist is nearly bruising, but you don’t really care, too high from the pleasure he’s providing you. your moans raise in volume as you feel the band in your belly grow tighter.

your pussy clenches around him and he releases your hair in favor of rubbing tight circles into your clit. the stimulation of his cock driving in and out of you combined with his thumb on your most sensitive area has alarms blaring in your head as a warning for your second incoming orgasm. “i’m so so close, hoon, fuck— just like that,”

“c’mon baby, you can give it to me,” he coos, changing his angle again so he reaches that spongy spot in your cunt.

you swear you can see spots when it crashes onto you, your whole body spasming with the intensity of it. sunghoon prolongs your orgasm, still thrusting into you with a purpose. you know he’s closer to his edge too from how desperate he’s moving and the whines leaving his lips. you’re so sensitive it’s making you insane, but you allow him to keep abusing your pussy.

“where do you want me?” he asks breathily, his sweaty forehead sticking to your skin.

“inside,” you moan, your toes curling. “cum inside me, sunghoon,”

he just about loses it at that, fucking into you with everything he can manage and sinking his nails into the fat of your hips to hold you still. you’re overstimulated and your brain is foggy so you keep squirming around, involuntarily squeezing your walls around his length. it’s not too much later that he finally releases, painting your cunt with milky white ropes of cum.

he slumps forward once he’s given all he has to offer, his chest flat against yours while he attempts to regulate his breathing. the two of you lie there for a bit, recovering from what just happened. eventually he pulls out and disappears into the bathroom, only to return with a warm and damp washcloth seconds after. he hands it to you wordlessly and you awkwardly clean yourself up, wincing due to the acute sensitivity you were feeling. sunghoon sits beside you, naked and silent.

you think it’s funny how he was so confident not even ten minutes ago and now he’s acting like a shy teenager. you know you have to talk about the situation at hand and what it means for your relationship, but in this moment, the cloudiness of your head subsided, that fear of rejection has creeped back in. was it just a temporary lapse of judgment on his part? did he just feel attraction towards you because you dolled yourself up for once?

the insecurity rushes in like a tsunami wave and you want nothing more than to get out of here before you drown.

“i—”

“we—”

you both speak at the same time, cutting each other off before you can continue. he gestures for you to go first and you sigh, reaching for the t-shirt thrown over the bedpost from this morning. you slip it on, along with your discarded underwear, to hide your body, comparatively aware of how exposed you were. he follows suit, putting his underwear back on.

“i think i should sleep somewhere else tonight.” you say, your tone uneasy.

sunghoon’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “w-what? why?”

“it’s already awkward enough,” you avoid his eyes. “i don’t think sleeping in the same bed is gonna help.”

“i was just trying to put together the right words,” he explains, brows still furrowed. “i don’t wanna give you a half assed confession after we just had sex, y’know? you deserve something more intimate than that.”

you blink, thrown for a loop by his admission. well now you felt like an idiot.

“c-confession?” you stutter, resembling a cartoon character with your jaw on the ground.

“did you— did you think i was gonna treat this as a random hookup?” his lips form a frown, like he was offended by your assumption.

“um, yeah? i mean, you never really expressed any interest in me before tonight, sunghoon. you’ve only ever talked about other girls you’ve fucked around with. you can’t really blame me.” you play with the hem of the (his) t-shirt.

his hand finds its way under your chin, lifting it so you have to look at him. the glint in his eyes is soft and you will away the tears threatening to appear. “you really have no idea huh?”

“what are you talking about?” you sniffle.

“y/n, i’ve been in love with you for like five years. any time i’ve talked about another girl, it was to see whether or not you seemed bothered by it. did you actually think i felt nothing for you?” sunghoon snorts, wiping away a stray tear that rolls down your cheek.

“yeah,” you laugh, feeling a little silly for not knowing he liked you this entire time. “i guess i was blinded by my own emotions.”

“that’s why it made me mad that you were hitting it off so well with that jisung guy,” he holds one of your hands in his lap, caressing your knuckles with his thumb. “i kinda figured you felt the same, but i was starting to doubt it after that.”

“hoon, i was only doing that ‘cause i thought i had no chance with you,” you shake your head. “if you had told me sooner, all of this could’ve been prevented.”

“or if you told me sooner.” he adds with a shrug.

you lightly poke his chest with a playful eye roll. he smiles at you fondly and you think this is perfect. you weren’t expecting the night to go in this direction, but you definitely aren’t complaining. somehow you feel like heeseung is to thank, in an odd way. (you’d never let him know that though.)

“can i kiss you again? for real this time?” sunghoon asks, scooting a little closer to you on the bed.

you nod, leaning into him so you can connect your lips in a sweet kiss. it’s not full of hunger or desire, but it still has that same passion from earlier. it’s loving and it’s everything you’ve ever needed from a kiss with park sunghoon.

you don’t get to indulge in the moment any longer, though, a thud sounding outside your room and hushed voices filtering from under the door. you and sunghoon share a look.

“shut the fuck up, they’re gonna hear us!”

“you’re the one being loud, what are you saying?”

“jake shut your fucking mouth, don’t back talk me.”

“wait why are they quiet?”

“shhh!”

sunghoon scoffs before he opens the door, revealing your friends all gathered in front of it. jake and kai fall forward, ears first. they give you guilty smiles when they realize they’ve been caught, chuckling uncomfortably.

“beomgyu, you owe me five bucks.” heeseung says when he takes notice of the clothes strewn across the room.

nevermind. lee heeseung truly was the bane of your existence.

© yeonjunszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[tbcanary]

arrowfam week day #2: confession

--

“Okay,” Dinah says, fingers pressed to the bridge of her nose. “Who did it?”

The rose bushes are a disaster. All of her careful work, the delicate pruning of branches, has been pulled apart in favor of a paltry handful of buds spilled on the cement of their building’s roof. The bushes, in raised beds around the perimeter, are mangled corpses.

Predictably, Ollie steps forward first. He has the decency to look sheepish, too, twisting his hat in his hands. “Sorry, pretty bird. I wanted to put something together for—”

Dinah holds up a hand. She has to fight back a smile despite herself. He’s predictable, she’ll give him that. “Nuh-uh, stop. We both know it wasn’t you. Let them own up to it, Oliver, they’re big kids now.”

Oliver, properly chastised, mutters something along the lines of can’t even go protecting the innocent in my own damn home now?, before stepping back into the lineup. Dinah turns her gaze to the others gathered in front of her and raises an eyebrow expectantly.

“Well?”

Roy doesn’t budge. He cocks an eyebrow right back at Dinah and says, with all the surefire cockiness of someone who is used to lying to authority figures, “Hold the line, soldiers. She can’t break all of us.”

“I don’t have to break all of you, Speedy Senior,” Dinah says. She crouches down in front of her primary suspects and leans in close, hair slipping from behind her ear and tickling her cheek. “Just… one.”

Lian looks away first. Telling, too, that she immediately looks up to her father for guidance. She won’t break until he does – they all know that. A daddy’s girl, through and through. Dinah knows what that’s like; she can’t break that kind of blind faith.

But…

Sin’s lower lip wobbles. She glances up at Ollie, then Roy. She’s the weak link, here; Dinah doesn’t even really have to press. She just has to wait it out. Even with her background, such a little girl doesn’t have the patience to outlast Dinah in a staring match.

“It was me, sister!” Sin exclaims. She throws herself forward, wrapping her arms around Dinah’s shoulders and hiding her face in her neck. “I hurt flowers. I am sorry! Do not be mad.”

Dinah clicks her tongue. She glances up through her bangs at Ollie and Roy, neither of whom are willing to meet her eyes directly. Well, they can have it their way. Dinah hugs Sin back and pets her hair with one hand, straightening out tangles and knots.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m not mad,” she tuts. “I just wanted to know the truth. Thank you for being honest with me.”

Against her neck, Sin sniffs and nods pathetically. It makes Dinah’s heart seize up in her chest. She smiles, just a little, and scoops Sin up in her arms as she stands. Sin squeals and hugs her tighter, little fingers scrambling to find purchase against the smooth skin of Dinah’s shoulders.

“Now, since you told the truth, I say we should go have a little treat,” Dinah says. She makes sure her voice is loud enough to be heard, even as she turns to retreat into the apartment building. “What do you say we have some ice cream, huh?”

As if on cue, Lian lets out a shriek of offense. “Aunt Dinah! You didn’t say there was ice cream! Come back, I cut the roses too, I’m sorry!”

Her little feet pound against the roof as she hurries to catch up. Behind her, Ollie and Roy shout something about traitor and sell-out, but Lian doesn’t seem bothered at all. Dinah holds out a hand for her as she approaches. They hold hands and walk through the open door of the stairwell, headed back to the land of air conditioning and sweet treats.

“You must promise that you are not mad,” Sin insists, as Dinah begins her perilous trek down the stairs. “Please?”

Dinah sighs and rolls her eyes. “Oh, I was never mad at you, girls. You’re just doing what the boys told you. But I need you to make me a promise, okay?”

Lian and Sin, in their chirpy almost-unison, offer all kinds of confirmation and promises they can’t keep. Dinah doesn’t mind that too much; they mean well.

“Don't ever lie to me. And, whatever you do, do not let Ollie know there’s rocky road in the freezer,” she whispers conspiratorially. “That one’s just for us.”

[a-dragons-journal]

hello! this is about your recent post where you mention in the tags that it’s okay to ask you about syscourse? sorry if that’s not what you meant, you can ignore this if you want.

for context, i don’t really have an opinion on endogenic systems, since i don’t think i have a place to. i’m a singlet — i once asked several (traumagenic) systems that i knew what their opinions on endos were, and, of course, they all gave different answers. (ranging from “it’s ridiculous and offensive” to “i don’t know, some have their reasons [gives list of reasons]” to “they exist and are harmless.”)

the problem is, i can see the arguments on both sides. like, yes, i agree that psychologists don’t know everything and could be overlooking some systems who really actually exist without a traumamatic origin. but at the same time, how likely is it that they’d totally have missed all these endo systems? but psychologists do miss a lot of things, like how autistic women are just now starting to get diagnosed. then again, is that situation really comparable? are there reputable studies published about endos that i just don’t know of?

i agree with what you said about not doubting others’ experiences of their own selves. but that raises the question of whether you should believe the reasons for what they’re experiencing. for example, i don’t believe in every religion. but if someone told me that they prayed to their god and their god comforted them, i wouldn’t doubt the fact that they were comforted — i just don’t think [insert example god here] exists. that’s just a thing that will happen when people have different beliefs. i wouldn’t say that to them, not unless they directly asked me my beliefs, but i just don’t believe in some religions. that’s just part of living, it would be pretty difficult to believe in every religion and philosophy at the same time. i wouldn’t expect anything different for other people regarding my beliefs, either — if i tell someone with different religious beliefs about a religious experience i had, i won’t be mad if they have a different explanation. (for clarification: i’m not trying to say this to be all “look at me, i don’t get mad but you people do!” i really hope it doesn’t come off that way. i try not to think i’m better than anyone, genuinely. i think i’m right about some things, of course, but who doesn’t think they’re right about some things? i can’t believe anything unless i think some things are correct and some things aren’t.)

it’s similar (though not the same) for systems, i feel like. for endo systems who are spiritual in origin especially. i don’t doubt their experiences, but i just can’t believe that some explanations are correct if my belief system is contradictory to it. does this mean i think all endos are secretly traumagenic, or, the opposite, that they’re all faking their experiences of being plural? very likely not. i haven’t seen everyone’s lives or brains.

i wouldn’t cut someone off solely for being endo, and i wouldn’t cut someone off solely for being anti-endo. i don’t know, i feel like i’m supposed to with tumblr culture being like it is. i understand that there’s many traumagenic systems who believe endos are wrong, or faking, because by modern medical knowledge, endos shouldn’t be a thing. they don’t want to be around people who they truly believe are co-opting their hardships for fun or completely misunderstanding what being plural is actually like. and i know they do truly believe that, they’re not being mean for the sake of it or trying to be ableist — as you’re probably aware, they believe that many endos are the ableists. but i don’t have the negative reaction some traumagenic systems have, because i’m a singlet. i can’t say for-sure-for-sure that endos are all super wrong about everything or that they’re all fakers, because i can’t read minds and i’m not omnipresent. i’m skeptical, but not so skeptical that i’ll dismiss it out of hand. i’m floundering around trying not to offend anybody unduly while wondering which people are the ones i actually shouldn’t mind offending.

i’m realizing i don’t have an actual question here. i guess i want someone to talk to about this, since my friend group (containing several of the traumagenic systems i mentioned earlier, the ones i asked their opinions on) has turned decidedly anti-endo. i don’t know when everyone decided to do this, as last year there were still multiple opinions spinning around, but i guess i missed out on a conversation or something. maybe some do still hold their former opinions, or anti-endo alters are the ones fronting more often when the topic comes up. i think they would be fine if i brought the topic up and told them how i felt — my friends are pretty reasonable when people have genuine questions, i highly doubt they’d kick me out or mock me or anything — but still.

i think i just want alternate opinions to consider, and to learn facts about endos i might not know of. i’ll probably stay pretty ambivalent no matter what people say on the topic (and i don’t say this to discourage anyone from telling me stuff, just trying to be honest about what will likely happen). i can imagine myself taking either stance, which means that i can’t in good faith take ANY stance. i have no clue which is objectively correct. i guess the important thing is just that i try to understand everyone’s perspective and be kind to everyone no matter how my beliefs change.

keeping this anonymous because i don’t want anyone i know to find this, at least not yet.

Hey anon, thanks for sending this and I think you're being very reasonable and handling this very well. I have a pretty strong opinion on this, but I don't want that to come off as me trying to bully you for making sure that you do your due diligence before taking up a stance on it; I think the world would be a better place if more people did that more consistently.

First, I really don't believe in the "singlets shouldn't have opinions on syscourse" thing. There's not really a neutral on this one; being neutral on whether or not to believe people about their lived experiences almost invariably just means you're willing to let the antis fakeclaim and often harass people. If you're existing in spaces with systems, you kind of have to have some sort of opinion on it. (And "I don't know enough to know what I think about this yet" is a valid opinion, and one I think more people should be willing to say!)

A major thing here is that science absolutely does recognize the existence of systems outside of DID and OSDD - which is usually what anti-endo people really mean when they say "traumagenic systems," despite the fact that technically it's possible for a system to be traumagenic without meeting the diagnostic criteria for DID or OSDD, and (and this is the controversial one) it's at least theoretically possible for a system to be DID or OSDD and never have experienced trauma - trauma is not part of the diagnostic criteria, and contrary to what anti-endos often say, DID and OSDD are not classified as trauma disorders in the DSM-V, they're classified as dissociative disorders. The theory of structural dissociation is not the be-all-end-all of theorizing on why DID and OSDD happen, and there's no objectively proving that it is.

Anyway. Tangent aside - even the diagnostic criteria for DID acknowledge that there are plural experiences that are not pathological when it makes an exception for possessions and plurality linked to cultural and religious practices. Outside of that, there are indeed papers and articles focusing on non-traumagenic and/or non-pathological plurality, and doubtless more of them mention it offhandedly - here's one short list which I've at least glanced at each of the entries in, and a longer list I unfortunately haven't had the time to read through and thus can't vouch for the links in yet (but it's there for your reading if you like). I'm certain there's more out there; my resources on this are limited.

Even aside from that, I feel like people forget that in psychology, studies and articles "proving" the existence of a phenomenon are just... recording the experiences of people in a mass format. There's no objective test you can do to tell if someone's plural. It's just large groups of people self-reporting their subjective experiences, instead of people doing it one at a time like you see on Tumblr or wherever else. Should I need a study to tell me that my experience of nonhumanity is real? Why is someone's experience of plurality different?

A pathological form of something existing doesn't mean that a non-pathological form of that thing can't also exist. The non-pathological form existing, likewise, doesn't mean that the pathological form suddenly isn't pathological anymore. Normal anxiety existing doesn't mean a clinical anxiety disorder suddenly isn't pathological anymore, and someone having a clinical anxiety disorder doesn't mean other people can't experience normal levels of anxiety about things without it being either faking or secretly a disorder. I mean, obviously this isn't a perfect comparison, but - do you see what I mean?

Re: not having to believe people on why, this is true and fair, but: I don't need to believe a given system's specific explanation for why they're plural, but I do need to defend their right to believe it, and I need to not insist that my explanation or experiences are universal. I also need to raise the point that if you (general you, not you specifically) are insisting that the why must be trauma, you are doing more harm than good - people's brains can and do make up traumatic pseudo-memories under pressure to remember something traumatic that never actually happened, and that has real effects on them even though those events didn't actually happen.

I do take your point about some anti-endos genuinely believing endogenic systems are either misunderstanding or co-opting their experiences. However, I personally hold to the opinion that frankly, this is solidly a them problem. If you can't understand someone else's experiences, and you decide that because of that they must be either wrong or lying, that is a you problem and you need to work on that. If you see someone having fun with (or just having a normal time with) something that's painful and traumatic for you, and you decide that because of that they must be faking or mocking you, that is a you problem and you need to work on that. It is an understandable you problem, because I get where the gut reaction is coming from, but it is still a you problem.

(Note that this is the same thing we say to transmeds, for the same reason we say it to sysmeds - and no, I don't call them "sysmeds" because I'm basing it on "transmed," I call them that because that's what they are, system medicalists, people insisting that the only way to be a system is for it to be a medical, pathological thing.)

Hopefully that helps give you some thoughts to chew on; I'm more than happy to continue this if you like, of course.

[thelazybard]

Instead I Pour the Milk [Alejandro Vargas x fem!Reader] Chapter 8: Finally (18+ towards end)

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ao3 saw it first at https://archiveofourown.org/works/42983298/chapters/108594747

"Silver moon's sparklin'... so kiss me."

-Kiss Me, Sixpence None The Richer

Alejandro made it to your store just before you closed. He entered the store and watched as you swept the floor, back facing him and humming a tune. He couldn't help but admire you in your candid state, taking care of the café you've worked so hard to maintain. Even after everything, you were still enthusiastic as ever to keep it in impeccable shape. How you managed it alone, he didn't know. You were much, much stronger than you let on.

You spoke when you felt another person's presence in the store. "Sorry, we're closed. Come back tomorrow morning and I'll–" You almost jumped at the sight of him when you finally turned around. "Alé!"

When you set your broom up against wall and walked within Alejandro's reach, immediately did his hands find you. Your cheek had since stopped burning by the time he arrived, but that didn't stop him from grabbing your face gently to get a closer look at you. His hands were calloused, but well manicured. Just because his job required him to get his hands dirty didn't mean he'd let them remain unkempt. His brown eyes grew steely as he looked over the soft skin of your face for any abrasions. Upon realizing you were uninjured, his thumbs ran across your cheekbones and his gaze finally returned to yours.

"I'm fine Alé, really." You tried to reassure him, the drama being long over and essentially out-of-mind to you at this point.

He shook his head. "Still. She had no right to put her hands on you."

"Well, I did sort of drive the reaction out of her on purpose."

He narrowed his eyes inquisitively. "What did you do?"

You chewed your lip, reluctant to show such a sincere and kind man your more petty side. "I told her to leave or I'd have you make her leave. I said it because... I knew it'd make her mad."

He sighed. "Well, I would have. I just– wish I'd been here when it happened."

"It was handled as best as it could, I think. David and Paola escorted her out. Who told you, anyway?"

"People around town." He answered.

You nodded, a faint amused expression on your face. "Naturally."

"I'm sorry, Scout."

You shook your head. "For what?"

"This happened because of me."

You almost wanted to laugh. "You can't help that you're desirable." You teased.

His mouth curled into a mischievous smirk. "Oh, so you think I'm desirable?"

"I-I... uh–"

He laughed and quickly leaned down. You thought he was going to kiss you so you hitched your breath, but he ended up resting his forehead on yours.

"You're cute when you stammer, mi corazón." He confessed.

Your throat dried and you felt your heartbeat in your ears. He just called you both "cute" and "mi corazón" in the same breath, how were you supposed to remain cool?

You scoffed. "I do not–"

"Can I kiss you?" He blurted.

What?

"What? Oh, I mean yes." You said.

He laughed again, almost victoriously, and crashed his lips into yours. Finally. No David in sight to ruin this now. Your eyes fluttered closed and your shoulders lost tension.

Despite it being your first kiss together, it was short-lived. He pulled away to smile widely at you before kissing you deeper. Almost like he had to make sure this was really happening and reconfirm with himself by taking a look at you. His right hand went from cupping your face to holding the back of your neck tenderly. When Alejandro held you, he held you like you were a delicate flower. Like you'd wither away if he so much as breathed on you wrong. At first you took offense to this. You wouldn't consider yourself delicate, but rather had the capacity to be delicate. Then eventually, it dawned on you that a man in his particular line of work is probably not used to being able to be this way, especially towards another human being. He wasn't being just delicate with you, but with himself too. You gave him back that privilege. That right.

You were surrounded by only him. His scent, his embrace, the tickle of his stubble on your chin. His lips were surprisingly soft, and not domineering like some men in your past. He let himself be known without it being suffocating. You brought yourself in to be closer to him. Chest to chest, hoping he couldn't feel your heart pounding against your ribcage. Spoiler: he did.

The two of you eventually pulled away, for good this time, and you chewed on your swollen bottom lip. You turned to look at the clock that read 6:12, then at Alejandro. That's when you realized your hands had been resting on his chiseled abs, and suddenly your palms and fingertips felt like they were electric.

You sighed. "I should really close up. Did you... want to maybe join David and I upstairs for dinner?" You offered.

Alejandro hesitated, mind still foggy yet acutely hyperfocused on everything you. Your twinkling eyes, your hair tousled from a day of work, your impossibly intoxicating lips. He'd spent too many years waiting to kiss you and he finally has. Whether it be fate, fortune or the very will of the Gods, he thanked whatever higher calling or being responsible for the reunion that lead to this very moment. Your paths were meant to cross again for a reason, and the vivid euphoria he felt in this moment was proof.

Alejandro would never let you leave from his life again.

Finally, words found him again. "I don't want to impose–"

Shaking your head, you reassured him. "You're not, I promise. It's entirely up to you, but I do have to close the store."

"Then, I would be honored." He nodded.

David answered the door to your flat in his apron and oven mitts. "Oh! Hey Al, I... didn't know you'd be coming." He said, clearly embarassed because his personal apron had Hatsune Miku on it.

"He's joining us for dinner." You said matter of factly, then pointed at his apron. "Oh, I see you borrowed my apron." You lied.

Realization eventually flashed over his eyes. "Oh! Yeah, mine is in the wash. Got too much barbecue sauce and... pig's blood on it." David explained as he turned around and walked to the kitchen.

Alejandro nodded slowly. "Of course..." He said before looking at you with a cocked head. You shrugged and lead him inside.

David sat you two down at the dining table and served you. It was pasta, fresh out of the oven. Dinner wasn't awkward in the slightest with your unexpected guest. If anything, David wished he had a nice wine to pair with his dish to be a really good host.

"Scout told you what happened earlier?" David asked.

Al shook his head. "No, I found out around town."

"Ah. What is your, uh... relationship with that Roberta anyway?"

Al sighed. "We went to school together. I always knew she had some semblance of a crush on me, but I never thought it'd drive her to something like that."

"Well, you can only know the person people are willing to show you. Sometimes their true self slips through the cracks, but that's only if you're lucky." David said sagely.

After dinner, Alejandro offered David to help with the dishes while you took your after-work shower. David was washing and Alejandro rinsed and dried. They did so in silence for about five minutes before David finally spoke.

"So..." He started.

"So..." Alejandro echoed, nervously.

"You and Scout, eh?"

Alejandro's mind flashed back to the kiss, and his palms began to perspire. "Yes I... I really like her." He replied.

"Good." David said simply.

David's lack of commentary was making Alejandro more nervous than he already was. "Look, if there's anything I can do–"

You cousin stopped him. "Look man, don't sweat it. You seem like a great guy, and Scout likes you. You're not gonna receive that overprotective, aggressive male relative shtick from me. Her brother and dad maybe, but you'll cross that bridge when you get there. Just... Y'know, treat her right? But I don't think I have to tell you that."

"You have my word, David. I'll be great to her. Truthfully."

"Glad to hear it."

They ceased talk about you when they heard the shower turn off. Minutes later, you dashed from the bathroom to your bedroom in your bathrobe. The two got a laugh out of that, and waited until you emerged from your room clothed in pajamas to say something about it.

"Why'd you run?" David chuckled.

"Because I wasn't decent... Shut up." You then turned to Alejandro with a sweeter expression. "Alé, did you want to stay and watch a movie with us?"

"I should really report back to base, but I'll come by in the morning."

"Promise?" You asked.

He smiled. "Promise. Thank you both for hosting me."

"Let me walk you out."

After Alejandro said goodbye to the cats and shook David's hand, he followed you downstairs to the store exit.

You gripped the hem of your pajama shirt anxiously now that it was just the too of you again. "So uh... Goodnight."

Alejandro caressed your cheek and placed a tender kiss to your forehead. "Goodnight, mi corazon."

He left and you locked the door then smiled dorkily as you swayed back to your apartment.

"Thanks for taking the fall for my Miku apron." David said when you returned.

"Don't mention it." You said, snickering.

Your phone rang on the coffee table, and when you read the caller ID you smiled and answered. "Hey, mom."

"Hi honey. Just calling to catch up. How have things been so far?"

"Things are great! Business has been picking up and-"

"HI AUNTY!" David shouted.

"Tell David I said hi." Your mother said calmly, though she was audibly amused.

"She said your parents found you as a baby in Neanderthal permafrost and thawed you out with a hotel blow dryer."

David snorted and went into his room while you went to yours.

"Any exciting developments?" Your mother asked.

You weren't going to tell her about your altercation, that would just make her worry over nothing. Instead, you kicked your feet comically as you laid in bed on your stomach. "Well, there's this guy..."

"Thank God."

Your smile dropped. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means my daughter won't be a crazy cat lady. Honestly, I expected you to have like, five cats by now."

You peered into your closet of five cats and laughed nervously. "Por que no los dos?"

"Wait, really?"

"Did I forget to tell you? Turns out that cat wasn't fat, but pregnant."

"Good grief. But yes, tell me about this guy." Your mother said.

"So his name is Alejandro, he's a Sargent in the Special Forces–"

"Ugh."

"Ugh?"

"Yes, ugh. It's best to away from military men."

You blinked. "... You literally married and had children with a military ma–"

"That's different. We were in the same unit so I was able to keep an eye on him."

"Are you saying they're unfaithful? Why am I just now learning about this?"

"Because you've never been interested in a military guy before, so I never felt the need to rag on them to you."

"Well now you tell me. I really like him, mom. He's kind to me, and the reason my business is doing so well now."

"Really?"

"Really really. He put in a good word about me around town. He's like, a pillar of the community so that did wonders."

She sounded... almost impressed. "Huh. Sounds like your father and I need to meet him."

Your parents are ex-military. They met, fell in love, and got married pretty early on in their careers, then had you and your brother not long after. Their occupations meant moving a lot, sometimes to entirely different countries than the one of your birth. You didn't mind as much as your brother did, he hated the constant change in scenery and blamed that on his inability to maintain bonds with people. You however, didn't mind as much. If anything, you were excited to move to another place and meet different people. This was one of the many ways you and your brother differed. He moved to Colorado after college and hasn't moved since, committed to finally staying put somewhere. But you knew he deserved that much and understood his decision.

"How is dad, anyway?" You asked.

"Same as usual. He just got a new grill, so it's been barbecue for the past week. I think I'm going to switch it up and make my soup tomorrow. It's getting colder now, you know."

Mom's soup. Both your mouth watered and heart ached at the notion. Your mother's soup was one of the best dishes in the world, you thought. She learned it from her grandmother, and eventually she taught you but you were never able to get it to be just like hers.

You swallowed to soothe your burning throat. "I wish you could send me some." You said.

"So have you and Alejandro screwed yet?" Your mom asked out of the blue.

"Mooom!" You whined.

"Just asking!"

Your mother was the calmer, more collected parent out of the two, but sometimes she'd let her intrusive thoughts win and say the most outlandish things.

"No, in fact we had our first kiss like... two hours ago."

"Ohh, so this is new new."

"Seems like it's been forev- Wait! Him and I actually met during our first time here!"

She gasped in disbelief. "Shut. Up. When you were seven?"

"Yeah, I played soccer with him and his brother and sister at that park."

"Wow, it really is a small world. And he remembers you?"

"He does."

"Is that Scout?" You heard your dad in the background. Moments later, he was speaking into the phone. "Hey, kiddo. I miss you. I shipped a care package for you today of stuff I know you like, lemme know when you get it." He said. He seemed almost... down? But he couldn't be sad, dad never gets sad... right?

Your voice nearly cracked. "I will, daddy. Thank you."

Your parents had to go, but they made sure to tell you they loved you and blow kisses through the phone. You managed to keep yourself together just long enough until they hung up. Then, the tears began to flow. They weren't necessarily sad tears. Bittersweet if anything. It was nice to hear from them, but with every phonecall you missed them more and more. Despite being in Las Almas for barely three months, you already wanted to plan a visit back home.

When your crying fit was over, you wiped your face and crawled under your blankets to drift off to sleep. Guillermo and the kittens were sleeping as well, surprisingly. Usually, they're all over the place in the night fighting and climbing various objects around your room. Suppose it was a long day for everyone.

Your dreams had glimpses of Alejandro again, only this time they were... less than chaste. It wasn't one of your more linear dreams that have a story with a beginning, middle, and end either. In your dream Alejandro was bare and towering over you. His touch was so lucid that you were sure it was real. His ebony locks that were once slicked back were disheveled and brushing against your cheek as he said your name like a desperate prayer into your ear and rutted himself into you feverishly. Then all of a sudden he was holding you in his arms, close to his chest, and you could swear you actually felt his heartbeat against your cheek. He kissed you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear as he rubbed your back glistening with sweat.

The kisses that you shared earlier and the new nickname "mi corazón" ignited a fire in you that you had yet to acknowledge. Now it was roaring and refused to be ignored.

You woke up the next day with a wetness between your thighs and that unmistakable internal sensation below your belly button. Something told you to reach over and check your phone.

Alejandro V: Good morning, mi corazón! I hope you have a great day today, I'll swing around later. ;)

You buried your face into your pillow bashfully, as if he knew what just transpired within yourself. After the embarrassment wore off, you swung your legs over the side of your bed and got started on your day, eager to see Alejandro again.

[imfrom-neptune]

So I was talking with my love about how some of the songs in PORTALS seem to reference K-12 and Crybaby and that ofc put the idea in my head to go find every reference I could-

So here’s a master list of everything that other people have found as well as some of my own personal takes lmao

-DEATH: “life is death is life” etc could reference Crybaby and Angelita’s convo in the K-12 film (“I don’t know why people are so afraid of death.” “I agree, it’s just another part of life.” “You start in the womb and you end up in the tomb.”)

-VOID: the lyric “I’m tryna find a doorway” could reference an unreleased song also called Void. One of the lyrics from this version is “Think I got a key but I don’t see a door”. (I never would’ve known this lmao)

-FAERIE SOIRÉE: this one’s a personal take, but “lips of sugar” could be a parallel to the lyrics in Cake, “your kiss is sugary sweet” or “you taste like buttercream”.

-BATTLE OF THE LYRINX: could refer to Alphabet Boy with the lyric “Your daddy could never bestow you, while bloody, they’ll tell you you’ve won.” being similar to “But you’re not my daddy and I’m not your dolly, and your dictionary’s destroyed.” (I don’t know about this one but.. okay)

-THE CONTORTIONIST: “I’m done, I’m done” / “it’s no fun, no fun” are both used in the chorus of Bittersweet Tragedy: “I’m done” / “it’s no fun”. (I am very proud that I found this myself). Also, again, personal take, but “caught you like a cold or a flu (achoo), praying that someday I’ll be immune” feels like a Nurse’s Office reference.

-NYMPHOLOGY: the spelling element also being used in Dollhouse. Idk. Also the line “Get your image off my back” could be referencing a song on Melanie’s SoundCloud called Piggyback. “Push your penis into your mouth” could be a more mature version of “pacify(ing) her”.

-The ending part of NYMPHOLOGY is actually a shortened version of a song called AMULET, which is very similar to an unreleased song called Emerald. The clearest similarity is the lyric “So rare it is offensive, I think you will agree” in AMULET, which is basically the same as “Rarity I am, it’s offensive” from Emerald.

-EVIL: personal take but “now I’m stop-drop-rolling over all your jokes” could be referencing Fire Drill. Not directly, but y’know. Stop/drop/roll being a fire thing. Then ofc, “hope you slip on soap” is obviously referencing Soap.

-WOMB: Again referencing the “you start in the womb, end up in the tomb” line from the K-12 film, just like DEATH did. Also the “no more, no more” lyric being the same as High School Sweethearts.

-POWDER: the whole thing is sort of being mad at her ex for not getting help for his addiction to drugs (powder) apparently?? Could relate to Sippy Cup: “just another shift at the drug company”

-PLUTO: “some friends that I thought were forever, now I wanna sever their ties” reminds me of Lunchbox Friends. Could be the end of “friendship that will last forever”.

I’m done sorry lmao

Let me know if there’s more!!

[lady-de-mon-coeur]

You weren’t supposed to know

AO3

Rated G. Language: English. Words: 1,069.

Summary: Chat Noir can’t stop gushing to Ladybug about how great his girlfriend is and accidentally lets slip her name.

Contains spoilers for Elation, Transmission and Perfection!

"Isn’t it amazing, my lady? You have a boyfriend, and I have a girlfriend, and we can talk about them with each other, like real friends do."

They were sitting on a rooftop, facing the sun setting somewhere behind the Eiffel Tower. Whole Paris was drowning in the liquid gold the sunlight was flooding it with. That was such a beautiful and peaceful view.

Ladybug looked at her Chaton with a soft smile.

She was so happy about their newfound dynamic. Gone were the days when Chat Noir used to pout and try to make her jealous by inventing his non-existent girlfriend, or when she had to be extra cautious not to let anything slip about her everyday life in order to protect her identity.

It was such a relief for both of them to be allowed to share some details of their civilian lives with each other. Chat Noir was a perfect audience. He soothed her nerves when she was too anxious about not being good enough for her boyfriend. He encouraged her to confess her feelings to Adrien. He was genuinely happy for her.

He was an amazing friend, so tender and supportive. Not a single sign of jealousy.

Ladybug pulled her knees to her chin and wrapped her arms around herself.

"What about your girlfriend, Chaton? Are you really in love?"

"Yes, I am. Fallen, lost, and crazy in love," he confirmed, a beaming smile on his face.

Ladybug’s smile grew softer. He was so cute when he gushed about his girlfriend, whoever that lucky girl might be. Ladybug found herself wanting to scratch him behind his cat ear, run her fingers through his golden locks, kiss his cheek, or do anything else to show him her affection. This catboy deserved all the happiness he claimed to have now and more.

"She’s amazing, you know," Chat Noir continued. "I can talk about her for hours."

Chat Noir looked somewhere over the rooftops and let out a lovestruck sigh.

"Oh Marinette…"

Ladybug jumped on her spot, as if struck.

"What?" she squeaked, turning pale. "What did you just say?"

Chat Noir flinched once he realised what had happened.

"Nothing," he said hastily.

But the word, once uttered, couldn’t be recalled.

"You can't fool me, Chaton. I clearly heard you say 'Marinette'. Is it the name of your girlfriend?"

"Well… actually, it is." Chat Noir said, confused, looking down and scratching the back of his head, not noticing that Ladybug’s face went completely chalk white. "I know I wasn't supposed to say this. I might've been lost in my thoughts. But yes, I’m dating Marinette".

"Is she… is she the same girl who caused André's most recent akumatisation?" Ladybug articulated with effort because her lips suddenly refused to cooperate.

"Yes, the same Marinette you had once given the mouse miraculous to," Chat Noir confirmed with a lovesick smile, gazing at the sky above them, still oblivious to the state his confession put Ladybug in.

"It's impossible!" Ladybug blurted out without thinking.

Chat Noir looked at her, surprised by this exclamation.

"Why do you think it's impossible?" He asked with a hint of offense in his voice. "Do you find me not good enough for a girl like Marinette?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant!" Ladybug assured him hastily, and her cheeks went slightly pink. "Every girl would be lucky to get to date you. It's just… I didn’t know that you and Marinette knew each other in your civilian life."

"But it’s not like you were supposed to know this, either," Chat Noir said with an indulgent smile. "You always said that we couldn’t know anything about each other to prevent exposing our identities, didn’t you?"

"You’re right," Ladybug somehow managed to say, surprised that she still had the power of speech.

Chat Noir looked carefully at her, asking himself if she was mad at him.

"Sorry, my lady, I said too much. I might've endangered my secret identity. I'm begging you on my knees not to try to find out who Marinette's boyfriend is, unless you want to discover who I am under the mask."

"Okay," Ladybug mumbled, looking anywhere but at him.

Chat Noir sighed with relief.

"She's so wonderful, you know. I adore her," he went on, his unfocused dreamy look back in his eyes again. "The night when André was akumatized, I was outside hanging around and thinking of her, and then I saw her on her balcony, and I... I just couldn’t resist. I took her out for a little date, and we had fun together, and then we kissed, because she’s irresistible, but I regretted it immediately, because I knew I had no right to be with her while being Chat Noir, and I told her that, as much as it hurt, and she got so upset that she almost got akumatized, and the next day I went to check up on her and found her in depression. She had told me that night that she used to be in love with my civilian self, and I thought that maybe somehow I could make her fall in love with me again. I tried to comfort her, but she was so depressed that she didn't want to see anyone, but then I tried again, and that time she felt a little better and she gave me a chance, and that's how we got together."

As Chat Noir was speaking, Ladybug’s eyes grew wider and wider, her pale lips tightly pursed together.

"... and we are having a date tonight. I can’t wait to see her again. My lady, are you even listening?"

Chat Noir was looking at her worriedly.

"Yes," Ladybug mumbled, her lips barely moving.

Chat Noir stood up and stretched.

"I have to go now, my lady, I can’t make my girlfriend wait. I guess I’ll see you around!"

He bent down and placed a kiss on her forehead. Then he set off, leaving Ladybug totally broken, in some sort of stupor.

She still sat there, staring blankly right before her, clenching her fists, not even seeming to be aware that her partner had just left.

"It's not possible," she murmured, barely audible under her breath. "No, it can't be true. It's not possible."

Suddenly she was awoken from her daze with a start. Then she got up abruptly, as if the rooftop she was sitting on had become white-hot.

"Adrien!"

[cgarttrailsandtails]

Does anyone else ever just feel like someone doesn’t like you or is bothered by you even though they have given literally NO indication to that fact/actually seemed to like you?

Especially online it’s bad for me cause It’s really hard to tell things like tone and feeling through a screen.

And there’s a few people on here who I have been amazed by and want to know more about, but then I feel too pushy and what if they find me annoying and what if they don’t like me at all and wish I would just go crawl in a hole and on and on and it really makes you feel kinda worthless.

I’ve noticed that I say sorry a lot, more so when I’m online, and even when I’m joking before I put it out there I usually go: but what if it’s offensive and someone gets mad at me and then all this causes drama and that spreads like a wildfire. So I end up literally putting (joke) with the comment and that may ruin the fun a little.

But it’s just overthinking and not wanting to get berated through a screen or seem mean or pushy or annoying. And then there’s a bunch of people who get really sensitive online especially, and it’s scary because you don’t know who you’re dealing with and you don’t know how sensitive they are or to what things, and you keep overthinking and second guessing yourself and all of this just build up and up until you just can’t take it anymore!

When you think about it, it makes a lot more sense why a lot of people take breaks from or even quit being on the internet personally.

I’m sorry, I’m ranting and raving about this. I’ll put a cut next time. For those who need to hear this, I’m just gonna say that you aren’t alone. I mean there’s literally a crazy artist ranting about it on a tumblr post.

Jokes aside, it’s hard to go through this. To be scared to get closer to someone you really like online just because you don’t wanna be annoying or offensive or find out they don’t like you.

I’ve even left one of my favorite people on here’s entire blog completely alone, even unfollowed them, because I felt this way. That they hated me for being so… overbearing? I guess that’s the word. And now I find myself doing it again with another awesome creator and… it’s just miserable. I want to be their friend and get closer, but I feel like I’m just another annoying fan to them. I don’t know what to do.

Again, I’m sorry for the rant. I’ll put a cut and warning next time. Thank you for reading, if you stuck around.