camiaazana

[cs-cabin-and-crew]

Usual dystopian teen MC right when they’re about to save the world but one friend is captured: we need to save them! How can I live with myself if my best friend is imprisoned?

Me and literally every normal person as a dystopian MC: oh no, so sad. Bye bye Rocko.

[deeplyridiculouslyinlove]

I just rewatched 02 x 07 for the first time since finishing all the books and I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like everyone is either on the side of (1) it was all a big ploy, or (2) that's it for Moiraine and Siuan they can never come back from this--but I really don't think either of those are true.

I think the most in character thing Moiraine could possibly do is forgive Siuan, for the following reasons:

Moiraine knows that she would do the exact same thing that Siuan did here--namely, sacrifice anything (even their relationship and their trust in one another)--for the sake of the world and their mission. And this shared goal, these compatible values, and this mutual understanding is literally what has kept them together despite 20 years of distance and secrecy from the world.

[MINOR BOOK SPOILERS] We see in one of the books that Moiraine believes she and Siuan have made their beds and will lie in them one day by becoming involved in the quest to find the Dragon -- I believe the way she phrases it is about payment coming due for all the rules they've broken and the secrecy etc. that they needed for their quest. If this is her attitude, she is not only willing to give up everything, but expects to give up everything. And she expects it of Siuan as well.

Siuan has already proven how much she would give up for their quest. She became Amyrlin despite, as we learn this same episode, how much she did not want to be trapped in the tower and could not see her future there. She gave up any semblance of a happy life (how she would picture it both with and without Moiraine!) for this quest.

In some ways, if Siuan had just let Moiraine take Rand through a waygate to Falme, it would have actually been a betrayal of their mission. Their mission wasn’t “get Rand to Falme.” It was “protect and train the dragon reborn.” Siuan feels the need to do that as acutely as Moiraine does--and critically, Moiraine knows this about Siuan.

This goes quadruple if Siuan actually did think Moiraine could be a dark friend. Siuan thinks Moiraine lied to her!! And Moiraine knows this too, since Siuan does at least have the chance to say "You lied to me!" Moiraine would understand that if there was any chance Moiraine had been turned or was compelled, Siuan had to try and stop her from taking Rand off to god knows where.

Literally just a few days earlier Moiraine had threatened to have Alanna take Lan’s bond by force if he stood in her way--aka, the way of her mission. At this very moment, Moiraine herself has spent days (weeks?) contemplating what it would mean to betray the autonomy and trust of those she loves most if it means saving the world. And she knows what side she's on.

When Moiraine says, “if you have ever loved me don’t do this” my heart shatters into a million pieces. But that line is not just ,“it will be a betrayal of our love and trust if you compel me." It is that, but it's also a call for Siuan to see Moiraine for MOIRAINE. She’s saying “you know me.” She’s trying to get her (Siuan) to see that what she (Moiraine) is doing is not about her shame and pride but about the mission. Because it is ALWAYS about the mission, Moiraine IS the mission, and Siuan loves her because of that, and Moiraine knows Siuan loves her because of that 

Moiraine clearly hesitates before going through the waygate. Her character isn't one to linger out of shock and betrayal. She lashes out and she puts up distance--we've seen this all season. Moiraine moves forward. So I read her looking at Siuan here as far more "I love you and I'm sorry [I can't help you? it's come to this? we can't reconcile?]" than "How could you?" or "You're a different person to me now." I’m not trying to minimize the violation Moiraine is also feeling in this moment, I just think that if the violation was her primary emotion she would likely behave differently. And if she can have this messy a set of emotions even in the heart of the moment, I have faith she can similarly hold multiple emotions later when reconciling.

The flashback scenes are so heartbreaking but they don’t have to mean that Moiraine and Siuan feel so betrayed and far from those versions of themselves that they will never be together again. Those flashbacks can also be saying “remember when we were those people?” Holding onto those versions of themselves is how they hold onto their love despite this scene.

Those flashbacks also remind us that their relationship in the show is like 50 years old. It is deep. People don't throw away 50 years of relationship without a conversation, even if there is a deep betrayal involved. And that's normal people--not even people who have given up absolutely everything for a cause that the relationship has now gotten wrapped up in. In the books, they are together for a few years and then seemingly go their separate ways when the Dragon is reborn. I don't think the show would have gone out of its way to deepen and lengthen this relationship just to end it so quickly and unceremoniously.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 11x06: On the Inside - Analysis

Okay, how did everyone like this episode? I loved it! It might be my favorite episode of the season so far. Partly because of all the horror movie vibes and jump scares. I thought that was delightful. And Lauren Ridloff did an amazing job. But more than that, it's because of all the symbolism and what I think this represents. Seriously, I think I might have like fifty-six theories come out of this one episode, LOL. Not brand-new theories, but just connecting symbols in a way I haven't before. For now, let's talk about the broad arcs here and what they mean.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 11x06. Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

Basically, we’re following two storylines in this episode. The first is Connie and Virgil. The second is Daryl, Leah, and the Reapers. I suppose you could call Kelly and Carol looking for Connie a third story line, but given that they're searching for Connie, it's really just a subplot of Connie's arc.

Connie and Virgil:

There are a lot of people saying that they might be setting Connie and Virgil up as romantic partners. I think that's probably the case, for a lot of reasons. They were very purposely put together in this house. After the episode, Angela Kang talked about how Virgil basically had to suppress part of his heart in order to get through the death of his family. That's why he seemed a little bit villainous when we first met him with Michonne.

Actually, we're seeing a major theme here that we've seen with other characters. Near the end of the episode, Virgil tells Connie, "I lost myself for a long time." It's very reminiscent of what Michonne said to Carl in 4x14. It's a theme we see where the character goes through some kind of trauma, and the aftermath of that trauma is very much a PTSD thing. They lose themselves to insanity for short time, but then someone is able to bring them back. We see this with many characters over the years. And this is something they're doing with Virgil. So this was Virgil kind of coming back to reality. Michonne gave him the chance to come back first, but he also says that her giving him that second chance led him to Connie and he sees that as Providence.

So basically, A.K. is saying that Virgil lost a big chunk of his heart when his family died, but he's rediscovering it here with Connie. And that's very important. I can't imagine them saying that, or him having this kind of arc, if there isn’t going to be a romance between them. Which, for the record, I think is cute. I totally ship it. (Totally objective over here. As always, of course. ;-))

But the big question is, what does this foreshadow? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

I think this is a foreshadow of Beth and Daryl. I'm sure you're shocked to your toenails. I'll give you a moment to recover. Good? Okay.

A lot of us got Alone vibes from this episode. Just the two of them in house together. The undercurrent of possible romance between them. There's even a hug at one point.

Actually, the white, plantation style house with the white pillars immediately struck a cord with me. Back when they were filming the missing scenes from S5, they filmed in a house just like this one. it wasn’t the “white cabin” as we always refer to the house Emily was seen going into. But it was next door to that one and had a sign up about not mowing the lawn because it would be used for filming. 

I don’t know if this is actually the same house, but I’m willing to bet that this will end up having parallels to something we see when we finally get those missing scenes.

Once they get inside the house, we see Connie holding the door shut against walkers. It's very reminiscent of Daryl doing that at the funeral home in Alone.

The thing is, I don't even think callbacks to Alone are the big cheese. (For the record, we also saw them around Kelly, but I'll get to that in a minute.)

Because more than being a call back, this is a foreshadow. It represents some time in the future when Beth and Daryl will be together inside the CRM and trying to escape. Remember that “No Exit” sign in Beth’s cell?

We have a situation here where Connie and Virgil are trying to get out and there's literally no exit. All the doors are locked, they’re being trapped everywhere they go, they get separated. Even when Connie is in the wall, looking at Virgil, she wants to warn him of things, but she has no way to get into the room with him. There's literally no exit for her.

There are so many parallels to Beth and Daryl.

They emphasize the fact that Connie is lost. After getting out of the cave and walking around for walkers for so long, she clearly lost her bearings and doesn't know where she is or which way to go to get to Alexandria. It puts me in mind of the scene from 6x10, where Carl was talking to Judith and said if she was ever LOST and needed to find her way HOME, she should use the North Star. This is another way in which Connie is being paralleled to Beth. She's lost and needs to find her way home.

Virgil talks about wanting to get Connie HOME. To get her back to her family (which just so happens to be her sister). Of course there's the undercurrent of romance.

I also couldn't help but notice outlets throughout the episode. This house is very dilapidated and dirty. There's grime and rust and darkness everywhere. But we can very clearly see the outlets on the walls, as though they’re brand-new. I believe that's to draw our attention to them. Outlets suggest power, which suggests lamps or batteries.

Remember how I said that the whole battery theory is about resources and that it indicates the CRM? This is why I think this house represents the CRM. And I'm not at all saying that at some point, we’ll see Beth and Daryl running through a house together, as Connie and Virgil do here, trying to escape some threat. I think this represents a much bigger arc of them being inside the CRM and trying to get out. It will probably span a lot of episodes, maybe even multiple seasons.

At one point, we see a red coda pendant hanging in the window behind Virgil. Remember that, via the Matrix theory, red represents the outside world that TF is currently unaware of, and of course Coda suggests Beth. That’s a big part of the evidence for this template being a foreshadow of Beth and Daryl.

I’ll go over all the background details tomorrow, but pretty much every detail I found suggests what I've laid out here. I'm going to do completely separate post on the awake/asleep theme as well as the mailbox theme. That one stemmed from last week's episode (11x05), but I haven't gotten a chance to post it yet. And of course we saw the mailbox feature prominently in this episode as well.

We also have a situation where Virgil basically tells Connie to go on without him and that it’s very important to him that she gets home. And then he gets stabbed, and she not only saves him, but pulls him out of the house. We’ve always said that we think there will be a time when Beth will save Daryl. I think this is a foreshadow of it.

I think we'll have a situation (again, much bigger than what we see here in the single episode) where Daryl will be willing to sacrifice himself, his life, to get Beth back to Maggie. Of course she's not going to allow him to do that, but he'll probably be hurt very badly.

(And for the record, I think we've seen foreshadows of this and other arcs. Daryl getting hurt when fighting Alpha was probably a foreshadow of the same thing. I'm sure we could identify others.) I think he will be hurt and Beth will save him, and that will happen as they’re figuring out how to get out of the CRM.

To touch on Kelly’s side of things, we see her find a camp that Virgil and Connie had previously been at. She finds Connie’s stuff there, and the orange backpack that Virgil must have left behind. The thing that jumped out at me here is that, in the foreground, we saw ropes around the camp with cans attached as an alert system.

That was featured very prominently in Alone, both because Daryl set up something like that at the funeral home and also because the other half of that episode was about Maggie/Sasha/Bob and they did the same thing in their camp. So again, major callbacks to Alone, and to what this is probably foreshadowing.

But my favorite thing about this was connections that I made. Things that kind of confirm events we’ve suspected in 4B, but have never been able to prove. Let me explain.

First, there’s the reunion between Connie and Kelly. And this really jumped out at me. Not only because it's two sisters reuniting, but because of the way it was shown.

When approaching Connie, Kelly is crying and says, "I'm sorry." And that's out of character or out of place in any way. She’s sorry that for what happened to Connie and that it took them so long to find her. All that is completely understandable. But at the same time, Kelly has no reason to feel bad about what happened to Connie. It wasn't her fault, and she's been a dutiful sister looking for her intensively ever since.

But I think the “I'm sorry” will make a lot more sense if we hear Maggie saying it to Beth, given everything that's happened, and especially what happened in S5. I mean, Beth did get left behind.

The other thing is that when they see each other and then hug, the background music almost sounds angelic, like a choir. I mean, they really wanted this to be a big deal, the reunion between these two sisters. And not that the Kelly and Connie's reunion isn't a big deal. It's very sweet, but I feel like this a foreshadow something much bigger. And what other reunion between sisters could qualify for something like that except Maggie and Beth, who didn't get the reunion in season five?

We’ve always said that Connie was a proxy for Beth, and that the cave-in, followed by her being missing was a parallel to Beth’s arc. So, this arc ending in Connie finding someone she’ll eventually have a romance with and then finding her sister is makes me very hopeful for what we'll see when Beth returns.

I have to say that this is kind of a relief to me. Because of Daryl's line back in Still about how, "you ain't never going to see Maggie again," I’ve gone back and forth about whether Beth and Maggie will actually get a reunion. Yes, there are plenty of ways to explain away that line, and I don't disagree with any of them. But I’ve still been really back-and-forth about whether this is going to happen. After seeing Connie and Kelly really reunite, I have no doubt that eventually will see a Beth/Maggie reunion. Yay!

Next, is the fact that Virgil and Connie talk about how the people living in this house lured them into a trap.

This is talked about very much anymore, but was always but what happened in Alone was always so wonky to me. I know it was supposed to be, but the whole thing felt like it was orchestrated somehow. I mean, what happened to the dog? We hear barking, but we didn't actually see the dog again, because when Daryl open the door all the walkers were on the porch. But how did that many walkers get up to the porch without them hearing it?

When Beth and Daryl sat in the kitchen staring at each other, they heard the cans rattle and then at the dog bark. I think that the idea was that Daryl thought it was the dog moving the cans and that's why he was going to open the door and get it to come in. He didn't understand that there were walkers there. But why didn't they hear the walkers? More importantly, why would that many walkers go up to the door if they couldn't see any humans on the inside? It's completely weird behavior for walkers. And then when Beth leaves the house, she just happens to be picked up by a car?

Like I said, I just always felt like the whole thing was really orchestrated, but even at Grady, we were never told that it was. Gorman suggested to Beth that they happened upon her accidentally. Of course, Gorman is the opposite of trustworthy, but we also understand better now the way that these episodes are often approached. We sometimes see things from one character's point of view over another. Clearly, Slabtown was seen from Beth’s point of view, so if she couldn't see the truth about what happened, that's why we couldn’t neither.

My point is, in this episode, Virgil says that he and Connie were herded there like prey. These feral people apparently went to the camp (Kelly says the left in a hurry and something was very wrong, and I think she's right. Given that Virgil and Connie left all their stuff behind; Connie would not have left behind her slingshot on purpose). Which means the creatures came to their camp, scared them away, chase them toward the house, herding them that way, in order to eat them.

Now, I'm not saying that's specifically what happened in Alone, but I think it kind of proves that what happened was an orchestrated trap that was set up to capture Beth.

And we do get the sense from what Noah told her that Grady purposely left the strong behind and took the weak. So, I'm not sure if Beth and Daryl were actually herded toward the funeral home. From what we saw, it really was more like they happened upon it. But I'm wondering if once there, someone observed them, or observed them approaching, and decided that they would be optimal targets. Given that Beth was injured (which they would have known if they saw Daryl giving her the piggy back) obviously it would always be her that was taken, while Daryl—obviously the more survival-oriented of the two—would be left behind.

And I love this connection because it proves (as far as we can prove theories 😉) that there are things they haven’t shown us, not just in S5 with the missing 17 days, but reaching all the way back to S4.

The other thing that's just kind of cool to consider is that, as I said before, the other half of the episode was about Maggie/Sasha/Bob, right? There are a lot of things that their sequence foreshadows as well. And in the episode, Maggie is specifically looking for Glenn, not Beth. However, given that this episode with Connie and Virgil also featured Kelly, Connie’s sister, looking for her, it just doesn't seem like it could possibly be a coincidence that the other half of Alone was Maggie searching for someone. What I’m saying is that both Alone and this episode, 11x06, foreshadow what will happen when Maggie and Beth reunite. I'm sure I could go into the details of Alone find a lot of connections, but I don't have time to do that right now. Maybe during the hiatus. Maybe. ;-).

Daryl and Leah:

Okay, I guess we need to talk about Daryl and Leah’s part of this episode as well. I don't have as much say about the symbolism for them. This is really more about where this is going.

Daryl tortures Frost, which I'm sure some people are going to have a problem with. But A.K. said that this is really about Daryl wanting to stay on the inside with the Reapers. As I said after ep 4, Frost is smart and he understands what Daryl is doing. A.K. said he did exactly what Daryl wanted to do him to do here. Daryl wanted him to give them a basic location but not an exact one. In other words, to tell them the neighborhood but not the exact house. And that's exactly what Frost did. Angela says Daryl did this because he was trying to save Frost’s life. Unfortunately, by the end of the episode, we see that didn't work out so well. But he was attempting to save him.

You have to watch the details closely to pick this up, but the first house that Daryl, Leah, and Carver go to is not the house Maggie is in. That's why Daryl says they should stick around and look around for things, because he knew Maggie wasn't there and wanted to give her time to escape. But the second house we see them go into is where Maggie and co are hiding under the floorboards.

At first, it seems to be empty, but when Daryl comes downstairs, he sees the place where they might be hiding and slides the rug over it. In the end, Carver sees it and checks, but Maggie and the others have already made their escape.

I had to stop and think about that for a minute. Since Beth wore yellow and we think yellow equals life and escape, I would have thought the yellow house would be where Maggie and the others were hiding and then escaped from. That would've made more logical sense. But actually, the yellow house was a decoy.

It gave me a whole new insight into the meaning behind the color yellow in TWD universe.

I still think yellow represents escape, among other things. But it also represents looking for someone in the wrong place. Even if you think about Rick’s mini death fake out in 7x12, there was probably only 12 feet between where Michonne thought he was (right side of the screen being eaten by walkers) and where he actually was (left side of the screen coming out of the yellow carnival car) but still, she was looking for him in the wrong place and assumed he was dead because of it.

I also thought of the Glenn situation in S4. Maggie looked for him on the school bus (yellow). And in both cases, it was because that’s where Rick/Glenn were last seen, but what was UNSEEN was how they ESCAPED. So, TF was looking for them in the wrong place.

And I’m sure something similar will happen with Beth during the missing 17 days. It doesn’t really change what we believe happened with Beth, but it makes me want to re-examine every yellow reference we’ve ever seen on the show, which is probably hundreds by now, lol.

At one point, Carver is coming down the stairs and Daryl runs over to him and starts talking really fast. He says that they (Maggie’s group) will not to come back here, that it wouldn’t be smart, etc. The first time I watched it, I remember thinking that Daryl was being really obvious. It made him seem nervous and like he was hiding something. And he probably was somewhat nervous. The reason he ran over Carver right then, is because he didn't want Carver to see the hiding place where Maggie and the others were (because Daryl himself noticed it when he was coming down the stairs).

But the other thing to remember is that Daryl knows Maggie and the others are down there. He was using this to give them information. He talks about how the Reapers have walls and weapons, twenty people inside their town, etc. That is also him getting Maggie information so she would know what they're up against. It was actually very smart on his part, even if it kind of tipped Carver off.

By the end, they returned to Pope and find that Frost is dead. I thought it was super weird and creepy that Pope started laughing when Carver said they had lost Maggie's group. That's very out of character for him. Angela Kang said Pope was purposely playing mind games to make Daryl and Leah paranoid, but even so. That laugh was just maniacal.

So, not sure exactly where this is going, or what Pope's plans are. He kind of suggests that maybe Frost turned on Daryl and sold him out before he died. I doubt that's true, but Pope also strikes me as the kind of guy who, if he's decided Daryl is an enemy, doesn't actually need proof of it. So, we'll just have to see where this goes.

Okay, that's it for today. I'll do details tomorrow. How did you all like the episode?

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Escape

Summary: The Red Room haunts you, from the moment you stepped foot inside to long after you’ve left. Truth is, you don’t think there is any escaping it.

Warnings: 18+ Violence, Depression, Mentions of Death, Smut

Chapter 12

****** 

A lab. A safehouse. A barn. A warehouse. Hell you wouldn’t be surprised if you’d ended up in a empty field. But a diner? You didn’t expect to be here. 

Scott, Steve, and Natasha seemed more interested in the Doctor. 

You can’t say you’re shocked. After the very obvious complications he was having before, you figured he’d end up fixing it. Seeing the Hulk so, human, was different but not surprising.

“Come on, I feel like I'm the only one eating.” He nudges the plate towards you and Natasha,“ try some of that. Have some eggs.” 

You raise an eyebrow at the people at the table before looking at the plate. With a shrug, you grab a fork and eat some eggs. Finding that they taste pretty good, you eat some more.

Natasha smiles a little at you, shaking her head and then looking at Bruce.

“I’m so confused.” Scott is the first to speak.

Bruce nods,“ these are confusing times.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean.”

With a sigh, Bruce says,“ no, I get it. I'm kidding! I know. It's crazy. I'm wearing shirts now.”

You can’t help but chuckle at that. Of all the confusing things that’s going on with the man, wearing clothes isn’t that big a deal. 

“Yeah!” Scott exclaims,“ wh- How? Why?” He frowns.

A somber expression takes over Bruce’s face,“ five years ago, we got our asses beaten. Except it was worse for me. Because I lost twice. First, Hulk lost, then Banner lost. Then, we all lost.”

There’s no part of you that could one hundred percent understand what Bruce had felt during all of that. Still, if it hurt you to lose to Thanos, you know it’s so much worse for him.

“No one blamed you, Bruce.” Your wife tries reassuring him.

Still, he shakes his head,“ I did.” He explains his acceptance of the hulk, briefly mentions the process of doing so, and expresses his pride of becoming this better version of himself. 

You have to admit that it is nice to see that he’s doing better. 

Conversation stops at the presence of three little kids. They take a picture with Bruce and then get into a small spat with Scott before leaving. 

Eventually Steve directs the conversation back to the important topic. Only for Bruce to point out that’s a little above his paygrade. 

“You managed to pull this off. I remember a time where this seemed pretty impossible too.” Natasha encourages. 

Bruce’s eyes watch her, trusting the emotion in her eyes. With one look around the table, taking in Scott and Steve’s hopeful expressions, he agrees to come back to the compound to try. 

Still you all don’t leave until Bruce is finished eating. You’d helped put away some of the food, eating some more eggs and a couple sausages but steering clear of the overly large pancakes.

Minutes later you’re all climbing into the Quinjet. Natasha and Steve both head to the pilots seats leaving you, Bruce, and Scott behind. 

You’re already sitting and paging through a book noncommittally when Bruce decides to join you. He sits in the two chairs beside, resting back on the chair and the wall.

“Sup Doc.” You greet, shutting the book and looking up at him.

“Hey Y/N, how you been?” 

A thoughtful expression passes your face,“ truthfully better than ever.”

“That’s great.” He nods, looking over at Natasha,“ I’m guessing married life is treating you well.”

Your eyes fall over to your wife as well,“ it has it’s ups and downs. But I couldn’t be happier.”

While there use to be a longing look on his face you can now see how he’s simply happy that Natasha is happy. 

Conversation between you two shifts from Natasha to the “time heist” as Scott calls it.

“Be honest, do you think this’ll work?” You ask him quietly. 

A frustrated hand runs up his face and through his hair,“ there’s a chance.”

“Bruce. There’s a ‘chance’ to fix climate change. There’s a ‘chance’ to solve poverty. I’m gonna need this to be a little more than a chance for me to trust this plan.”

“Sorry Y/N, that’s all I can give you.” 

Shaking your head, you slouch in your seat.

Thoughts race through your mind, all of them connected to one single thought. You don’t want Natasha to get hurt again. 

Losing the first time shook her, nearly destroyed her and you’d struggled to pick up the pieces it left her in. At times you knew that even though she took comfort in your presence and she appreciated you being there, it wasn’t enough. And as much as you hate to admit it, you still aren’t enough. 

Natasha loves you and you’d never deny or doubt that but you’d never be able to replace or even fill the gap of the family she’d lost. Brothers and sisters, her friends and partners. 

You see the hope filling her and the last thing you want is for her to be let down. Essentially having to lose all over again. 

By the time you get to the compound the sun is setting. 

With the sky painted in shades of yellow and red, you decide to go to the roof. A slight breeze makes it just barely chilly so you continue on, sitting yourself on the roof’s ledge and looking out over the lake.

Taking a deep breath, you sort through your thoughts.

Admittedly you start to feel bad, almost upset with yourself. It’s so incredibly selfish of you to prioritize Natasha over the rest of the universe. You’re not wishing that the world stay this way but you’ve managed to have more than you could’ve ever wanted and the prospect of an even better future with Natasha hangs in the balance of this plan. 

You can’t help but think that you’ve gone from one extreme to the other. In the past you’d completely disregarded your desires, so much so that you allowed yourself to be used by HYDRA and the KGB. And now you’re so sure of what you want that you’re borderline willing to leave things the way they are. 

In truth, all you need is assurance. You need a guarantee that this will work with little to no consequences. Natasha needs to be safe from any possible downfalls. Your new found friends and family can’t be in harms way at all. It’d be ideal to save yourself. 

Part of you knows that if you have to sacrifice yourself to ensure Natasha gets everything she could ever want, you will. Insane really, since your point is to not lose her, but if it meant her happiness it’d be worth it. 

Lost in thought, you don’t pay attention to the door that opens and shuts. Nor do you anticipate the presence of the blonde behind you.

“I have to say, I’m surprised you’ve been so quiet about all of this.”

Turning around, your eyes trail over Steve’s tall and muscular form. You sigh and face forward again.

Steve moves to sit beside you,“ I didn’t miss what you said at Tony’s. And I don’t know much of anything about your past, still I assume you’ve gone through a lot so risking what you have now with Natasha isn’t ideal.”

You scoff,“ ideal? No Steve, it’s not an option. Don’t get me wrong, I want to help bring everyone back, I lost people too, but we don’t even know if this will work. Tony had a point, multiple ones but mainly, what if we screw everything up even worse than it already is.”

“We can’t focus on the negative side of this-”

“You won’t even consider the negative side. Optimism is nice but not blind optimism. If you expect me to even begin to trust this plan I need you to be realistic.” 

His crystal blue eyes follow you as you stand and step away from the ledge. He follows, crossing his arms as he stands in front of you. 

“Be real with me and yourself, right here, right now. How confident are you that this works?”

Instead of an instant reply, Steve takes a deep breath, his shoulders moving as he releases it. You don’t miss the way his fingers rapidly tap against his arm.

Finally he speaks,“ I can’t promise that things won’t change. I can’t promise that there won’t be risks. All I know is that we have to try, if we don’t we’re no better than every bad guy I’ve crossed.” 

A moment of silence. You process his words, observe the honesty in them and even the slight bit of hesitation that displays in his eyes before he looks away. 

“Look, Steve, you’re a good guy and you’re a hero through and through. I’m sure there’s no shortage of sacrifices you’d make to save the world, but,” running a hand through your hair, you take the smallest of steps forward,“ if there’s even the slightest chance that something happens to Natasha I’m out.”

He looks up at you, not expecting what’s been implied by you. 

Yes, you’re willing to try. No, you didn’t expect to cave to quickly. You blame those steely blue eyes.

A breath of relief leaves him and he nods. With that established between you two, you leave the roof. 

Inside the compound you go your separate ways, your destination being the lab. 

Surprisingly, you don’t find Bruce there, which you’re partly grateful for. Being left with your thoughts now isn’t so bad, in fact it helps you work better. 

Your current project is a new suit for Natasha. 

It’s inspired by Tony’s suit. The nanotech sits in the Black Widow symbol of her belt and is activated with a simple touch. You made sure to keep it as form fitting as possible so it doesn’t hinder her speed or agility. 

Instead of repulsor beams like Tony’s suit, it shoots electricity, mimicking the voltage of her widow’s bites. You maintained the same durability, adaptability, and power that Tony’s suit has. Not being as clever as Tony the A.I. you created was simply named Assist and doesn’t stand for anything.

Lastly ensuring that it’s fitted with Natasha’s go to weapons: a staff/batons and the standard pistols. 

You’re in the lab well into the early hours of the next morning and the lack of your presence isn’t unnoticed by Natasha.

Despite having been in deep conversation with Bruce and Scott about the upcoming time travel test, she went to search for you.

She hadn’t realized how much she actually missed your presence until she started looking for you. When she finally gets to your lab there are tears in her eyes. 

Her sniffle grabs your attention. You’re instantly on alert, completely disregarding your work to focus all your attention on your girl.

“What’s wrong love?” You reach for her hands, slowly just in case physical comfort isn’t what she wants.

Instead she steps into your body, wrapping her arms around you and pressing her face against your chest.

“I miss you.” 

You just barely catch her words but your heart tugs at the sad tone of her voice. 

“I didn’t mean to be away from you so long Tash, I’m sorry.” Stroking her hair, you glance at the clock that reads three eleven.“ How about we get to bed yeah?”

She nods against you,“ can we get ice cream first?”

With a chuckle you agree to it.

A couple hours later, after ice cream and a much needed sleep, you regroup in the empty hangar of the compound. 

You clutch a cup of coffee in your hands, standing behind Natasha and away from the equipment. The sun pours light through the floor to ceiling windows, agitating your groggy state, as the coffee has not taken full effect yet.

Your forehead rests on your wife’s shoulder as she taps away on the tablet in her hands, simultaneously speaking with Scott and Bruce about the plan. 

Eventually they’re ready, running a check of all operations. For some reason you feel like they’re missing something but your brain isn’t functioning at full speed just yet.

Who’s idea was it to do this at seven in the morning?

“Okay, here we go.” Bruce speaks up, causing you to stand up straight and sip your coffee.“ Time travel test number one. Scott, fire up the uhhh, the van thing.” 

Taking a quick second to gather yourself, you roll your shoulders, and move to stand beside Natasha just before Steve comes back in, letting you all know that he’s set the breakers and back up generators.

“Good. 'Cause if we blow the grid, I don't wanna lose Tiny here in the 1950's.”

A laugh falls from you before you can stop it but you instantly shut up as Natasha levels you with a look. Then she, Steve, and Scott look at Bruce concerned.

“Excuse me?” Scott ceases to adjust his suit.

Natasha shakes her head,“ he's kidding. You can't say things like that!” She tries to give a reassuring smile to Scott.

“Jus- it was a bad joke.” Bruce fumbles, obviously having meant it.

“You were kidding, right?” Natasha asks after Scott turns away.

“I have no idea. We're talking about time travel here. Either it's all a joke, or none of it is.” The green man whispers before looking to Clint,“ we're good! Get your helmet on, Scott. I'm gonna send you back a week, let you walk around for an hour, then bring you back in 10 seconds. Makes sense?”

Safe to say Scott is confused by that, but a little bit of encouragement from Steve has him ready to go. 

With wide eyes, you watch the failure of a time travel test. Scott went in, only to come back as a child, an old man, and then a baby. Natasha and Steve look on in shock, before panicking and telling Bruce to bring adult Scott back.

“Y/N when I say so, kill the power.”

Nodding, you head over to the lever. Bruce presses some buttons then shouts now. You flip it and normal Scott reappears.

“Time travel!” Bruce exclaims, arms wide.

Everyone looks at him.

Shaking your head, you start to walk away,“ I need more coffee.”

Natasha starts to follow after you as Steve leaves to get air. 

Once the two of you are in the kitchen and you’ve refilled your coffee, you turn to Natasha.

Her emerald eyes look incredibly tired and she’s slouching. You’d thought this new found plan would ease her stress but she seems to be fairing exactly as she had in the past weeks.

You set your cup down, walking closer to her, and sliding your hands over her hips.

“I feel stupid for asking but, how are you?”

She leans into you,“ I don’t want to think what’ll happen if this doesn’t work.”

You nod, pressing a kiss to the top of her head,“ then don’t. There’s no reason to give up hope just yet.”

It’s quiet for mere seconds, and then-

“Well aren’t you two the perfect picture of love.”

Tony’s voice never ceases to make you roll your eyes. If you didn’t already like him you’re sure you’d have punched his cheeky ass a long time ago.

“Of course we are.” You look over at him,“ what’re you doing here?’

“Just sticking around so I can take all the credit when we save the universe.” He smirks.

Natasha perks up at that, suspecting that the genius has figured it out. His seemingly permanent knowing and cocky smirk tells you that he did.

******

Taglist: @thelastavenger-3000 @aaron-despair @messuhp@izalesbean @bvb-bk @username23345 @sighsam@confusinggemini612 @natasha-danvers @rileigh519@higherfurther-romanova  @dynnealberto

[ellsey]

Agents of Shield Rewatch 7x09 As I Have Always Been

First of all, we’re not going to discuss how many times I’ve seen this episode because...welll...the number is pretty high. But this is legit my #1 favorite episode of all time. This episode is an example of this show firing on all cylinders and just at it’s absolute best. And it’s really one of the last times we get to see our family all working together, and that’s where I think this show gets its strength. 

Anyway, this may get super long idk I just have a lot of feelings about this ep.

The number of times Chloe must have had to film waking up in this thing is probably pretty high

Ok first things first, my very favorite thing is Sousa using that box of gloves as a pillow because having spent a good portion of my lower to mid-20s in labs I will not pretend like I haven’t considered doing that

“I was so much happier asleep” MY MOOD EVERY SINGLE DAY

94 km away...I’m going to try and keep track of these numbers

Sousa’s face at the smell of Deke’s 80′s cologne hahahaha

And now we’re in our loop #2 (but who knows the real number)

Ok, since I used to be a med tech (aka I worked in a hospital lab), I have questions about why they have so many green and blue tubes there. I mean...green tops are heparin tubes so I guess you can use those for basic chemistry tests, so that might be usable for multiple things. But those blue tops? That’s sodium citrate and the only thing I know of we used those for were coagulation tests. Which require some specific equipment. Does Jemma plan to run that many PT/PTTs?? And on what???

LOOK I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT OK

And yes I remember those anticoagulants by heart still

The repeating title card is :chef’s kiss:

Daisy very quickly realizes she’s looping

91 km now

I’m wondering if there was something cut here by the way Sousa says, “See?” to Simmons as if we are missing some part of a conversation they had

My guess would be Jemma was all “You can go rest in your bunk you know Agent Sousa” and he’s like “Nope, gotta make sure Daisy rests” and Jemma’s like “...do you though?” and Sousa’s all “Yep. She will not do it on her own. Trust me.”

Maybe there’s enough for a fic plot in there

Ok, we’re now on loop #3

Daisy also very quickly realizes that she’s waking Sousa up with her boots and is very quiet so he can get some sleep

Awwww

I kind of wish I knew what May was sensing from Daisy right about now

I love love that Robo Coulson is so over this

The way he says “This guy” KILLS ME

So Coulson knows of 87 loops, but we know in this case Daisy didn’t wake him for 2 loops this time...we’re going to be doing some mathing soon lads

Also we just covered loops #4 and #5 since the ep started

Coulson says this is loop #90 which matches up still

And loop #6 for us now

Daisy was kind of loud there but didn’t wake up Sousa sooo...idk

79 km now

I love that Daisy realizes that to solve faster she needs the entire team

This must be loop #7 because Deke now says they are 65 km from the vortex

“It’s kind of hard to access” YOU DON’T SAY

And now people know about Jemma’s implant which...FINALLY

Phlebotinum is an amazing word bless

Making yourself cough like that seems like a rough day of filming 

And directing

Deke’s face when Nana is dead though :(

Loop #8

It was sabotage!!!

But also Daisy died so we’re starting over memory-wise

Loop #9

48 km

Daisy legit forgot about her boots waking Sousa up too ha

Loop #10

And this time we wake up Coulson again

41 km

Enoch, Deke, and Jemma standing there is so freaking hilarious

Jemma is so done even though she doesn’t remember any of this hahaha

Loop #11

This is the one where we try to get Elena out and helping

Loop #12

Phlebotinum!

Sousa finally woke up on his own I guess

That smile when he says, “Reminds me of my SSR days” like

He lives for this chaos he just doesn’t want to admit it

Also look at him being a smart agent here

And let’s talk about the trust Sousa has in Daisy for a sec

He not just immediately believes her about the time loops, but he immediately understands what she is saying about what is happening. Thus he knows this isn’t really a sacrifice play because he’ll come back AND he’ll have saved her the trouble of forgetting. But also, he trusts her so implicitly that he’s willing to risk his life for her. 

It’s beautiful y’all

And poor Daisy has to add watching Sousa die to her list of traumas cool cool cool

Although that does give me writing ideas...

Loop #13

Daisy immediately pops up to ensure herself that Sousa is still there napping away and like

I legit thought this was going to be the peak Dousy moment in this episode when she stops and just watches him breathing for a bit hahaha

She does not want to leave him there either and then the way she says, “We’re making progress” then adds a kind of soft “thanks to Sousa” like

Daisy is going through some stuff here

Coulson is going through some stuff too

Clark Gregg is killllllling this

And Coulson realizes that Enoch is the problem

“Oh dear” ENOCH HAHAHAHA

Loop #14

“Why do you care?” “Because you don’t”

Ummmmm MY HEART

But Daisy is not just accepting that he’s willing to die for her, she wants to know why now

Which obviously we will circle back to in a few loops or so

See, Jemma says she has to be awake to remove them implant...I guess the difference before was that Enoch wasn’t removing it?

Idk that makes no sense

Loop #15

Send in Sousa to distract Enoch

That “Hello!!” omg Sousa no

Sousa is surprisingly bad at this

Sousa’s muffled “Sorry” KILLS ME

As does Daisy’s face

Loop #16

Appeal to Enoch’s sense of irony

Loop #17

Have Jemma countermand her previous order

Loop #18

Bring in the whole gang

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS KILLS ME

“Where’d he get all those weapons?”

Poor dead Deke

Them realizing it doesn’t matter because they’ll all come back

The way May looks like she’s relaxing

Sousa’s feet framing Daisy’s face

Legit this is amazing and I love it

Loop #19

“Actually, I can take a loop” 

WE LOVE TO SEE IT

“It all phases me, just maybe not my face”

Ummmmm sir

Your face

While lovely it definitely gives you away

The saddest thing to me about this is that Daisy can’t seem to understand why he’s always willing to help and wants to watch over her. It’s like she still doesn’t think she’s worthy of being treated like this.

“Some of my favorite people are people like you” I CRY

Whew there’s a lot to parse here. 

First of all, I think Daisy actually really likes that Sousa is seemingly not phased by anything (or at least, not super bothered by it) because her life is always going to be chaotic that’s just facts

Second, in this very short time of knowing her, Sousa definitely has her pegged. He knows that she craves other people, but is also probably a bit scared to want to be around other people. He knows she’s hopelessly stubborn, but that’s because she cares so much. And he knows that she needs someone to have her back no matter what, because she won’t have her own.

Of course, there’s also a personal element here as indicated by the next part of their conversation. 

Also of note, when Daisy is pressing with the questions, wanting to know why he’s always there for her, she’s leaning forward while he sits back. 

Now though, when the question is a bit more personal, she sits back in a very protective stance. I think she’s a little scared of what he’ll say to her question. Because she realizes that she likes him. A lot. And what if he’s just like a generally good guy and this has nothing to do with her?

But of course, it has everything to do with her as indicated by what Sousa says next. “Not for everyone. It helps if they’re fun to be around, and if they say what they mean, and if they have that super power where they can rock things around which is very impressive.”

And Daisy’s immediate response?? SHE SMILES. Like...this is what she needs and what she wants but what she’s been too afraid to go after. And here it is just falling in her lap.

Now that everything is out in the open, they are both leaning towards each other...

Also I love that she says, “That’s awfully specific” and he doesn’t shy away from her. He just agrees with her. They both know what that really means.

And they both like it

Legit here I was chanting KISS KISS KISS but I thought it was a missed moment

I am so happy I was wrong

So the new plan is to misdirect Enoch by having Sousa go in to take the implant out, but really Sousa is leading Enoch into a fight with him, Mack, May, and Elena and like what a squad

But also this was a super plan, and I wonder if Coulson was involved or if this was Daisy/Sousa original

Either option seems likely

“Next time, same thing but faster” 

Daisy is really good at following instructions y’all

Loop #20

Daisy asks for help and Sousa immediately agrees to help and THAT IS WHAT DID IT FOR DAISY JOHNSON FRIENDS

Like...I know she’s feeling under the gun for time because Coulson said same thing but faster

But also, peak romance is someone just wanting to help her no questions asked which, given her history makes complete sense

She needs a constant, someone who will be there for her no matter what

I feel like this started in some ways with Lincoln. He was just so sweet and helpful to her. And granted he had his own demons to deal with, but in the end he was willing to give up everything to save the world and Daisy herself.

But he also showed Daisy that she could expect love and support and she was worthy of that (even if she doubted it later)

So here’s this guy, who’s just smart and kind and good and clearly into her

So, knowing that this could be one of her lasts chance to do this and realizing that at any rate he’ll totally forget about it anyway, she makes a move

And like this kiss?? It’s hot y’all

You can tell Daisy just like lol Imma kiss him, but then they are both caught in this moment and go back for me

But also he definitely led for that second kiss 

“That was nice” like hahahaha amazing undersell Daisy

And then she traces his collarbone like whoa I need to fan myself for a bit

“Now we need to drop a space robot”

I can’t tell what Sousa is more confused by- that statement or the kiss itself

Imagine being Sousa though. You just got woken up by this beautiful woman who asks for you help then kisses you when you say “Sure thing.”

He’s truly living the dream

Oh also we’re 11 km from the vortex now

It turns out Enoch is the answer to all our problems

But also we have to kill him in the process :(

And then poor Simmons has a breakdown over leaving Alya presumably, but also she’s a better mom than me because after 3 years in space with one of my little super geniuses I’d be more than ready for a vacay idk

I love my kids but they are...a lot

And finally, Loop #21

I guess Daisy left Sousa to sleep for this loop

<1 km from the vortex too eek

Enoch immediately understands what is happening :(

I love that Enoch has reached the point where he feels like this entire crew is his family and would sacrifice themselves for him

Enoch didn’t feel lonely until he had friends :((

This whole thing is breaking my heart...not just Enoch in the process of dying, but Coulson actually talking about his deaths and Daisy having to try and process all this

“Yet, this is the nature of families. I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive so we celebrate, and people leave us, so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between, but the cycle is always there. No one escapes it. Not even me.”

This really got to me. My family has changed a lot through the years. People have come and gone. Babies have been born. People have died. And nothing I do can change this cycle. Sometimes it makes me happy; sometimes it hurts. But nothing I do can change that process, and that’s not always easy for me to accept.

I think Daisy and Coulson are having a moment here too, where Daisy is telling both Coulson and Enoch that even though they are not human, that doesn’t make them any less alive to the people who love them

RIP Enoch, you were the bestest Chronicom to ever robot

And of course we get one last buzzkill with Nathaniel and Kora

Queen Kora you deserve better

Ok first some timeloop math. We saw 21 loops on screen, but loop #5 was loop #90 for Coulson. So if we figure Daisy died say...every 10-15 ish time loops and it took her 2 or 3 to wake Coulson up, we can probably add an additional 25 time loops or so. So we’re probably looking at around 130 loops roughly.

Of course this begs the question, did Daisy decide to kiss Sousa more than once? It’s possible. I kind of like to think she did. 

First of all, mad props to Joel for nailing that death scene. He was absolutely incredible. And clearly this episode rates 1000000000/10 on the Dousy scale because like...everything. The talk, the kiss, the sacrifice...amazing. I was 95% sure I was getting ending Dousy after this. This episode also gets 50000/10 on the Teamwork! scale because our team did so well and were strongest when they worked together. And of course Enoch gets a 10000000000000000/10 on the Good Chronicom scale because he legit was the bestest Chronicom that could ever not-live.

Since we’re in a timeloop and not in a particular time period, I’m going with the Dousy-est of songs, “peace” by Taylor Swift.

[nadziejastar]

I think it was TOTALLY bastardized. Like, to the point where it was a joke. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. The fact that a large portion of people didn’t even know what the power of waking was after they beat KH3, shows how poorly it was handled. This had a devastating effect on the story because unlocking and using the power of waking was the foundation of each character’s arc. The characters are all Guardians of Light, but it didn’t really seem to mean very much in KH3. Therefore, they had most of their important character development taken away from them. 

The power of waking was supposed to be the most important aspect of the plot. I suspect there are two major reasons that the power of waking was ruined. The first reason is that after KH0.5 was cancelled, it was very hard to incorporate. Ansem’s research was supposed to be a major focus of KH0.5. The second reason is that from a gameplay perspective, it is unconventional. Nomura said that he wasn’t even allowed to have each of the characters fight their OWN boss fights at the Keyblade Graveyard because that would be “too much story”. He had to keep it to the minimum necessary to move Sora forward. So, the demands of AAA gaming seem to be a big factor in why we weren’t allowed many “dive into the heart” segments.

Sora

Kairi’s Grandma: The darkness spread, swallowing the light and many people's hearts. It covered everything, and the world disappeared. But small fragments of light survived, in the hearts of children.

Sora was supposed to be the key. He’d use the power of waking on everybody at the end, because he was special. He has the pure heart of a child and the ability to easily connect with the hearts of others. He still rescues everyone when their hearts are captured by the Lich, but we probably were supposed to get a lot more story segments of him diving into each character’s heart one by one, and bringing them back. Sora’s relationship with them would receive individual attention.

Ansem the Wise: Surely we remember as children the way our hearts made everything seem so shiny, and perfect. Sora has a heart like that--uncorrupted, willing to see the good before the bad. When he sees the heart in something, it then becomes real. When a connection seems broken, he may have the power to mend it.

Sora actually did use the power of waking; he collected the fragments of someone and put them back together. But he uses this power on...himself? Um, it made no sense for him to be collecting the pieces of himself. The whole point of the power of waking is that when you are fractured, someone else has to help you return to the Realm of Light. I obviously can’t know this for sure, but I suspect that Nomura wasn’t allowed to have you play as anyone else during this segment. Just like at the Keyblade Graveyard, he had to keep everything to the minimum necessary to move the plot forward. Cutting the story up like this made it so that nothing really made sense.

Kairi

Sora: I was lost in the darkness. I couldn’t find my way. As I stumbled through the dark, I started forgetting things—my friends, who I was. The darkness almost swallowed me. But then I heard a voice—your voice. You brought me back.

Kairi: I didn’t want to just forget about you, Sora. I couldn’t.

Sora: That’s it! Our hearts are connected. And the light from our hearts broke through the darkness. I saw that light. I think that’s what saved me. No matter how deep the darkness, a light shines within. I guess it’s more than just a fairy tale.

Kairi was Sora’s light within the darkness, both in KH1 and CoM. I am quite confident that we were actually supposed to play as KAIRI while collecting the fragments of Sora in the Final World. And it was supposed to happen after Terra and Isa were defeated. There was no need to have time rewind. The Demon Tide doesn’t kill you. 

I mean, all it did to Riku physically was give him a stylish haircut. No, it exists to usher your heart to the deepest abyss. Kairi’s arc was set up so she could finally NOT be the damsel in distress. She is a natural at using the power of waking because she’s a Princess of Heart. She’s the only one Sora didn’t need to rescue. That should have been how her arc ended. Not with getting kidnapped and killed...

Riku and Mickey

Mickey: Listen, Riku. Just because darkness holds you, don't let go of who you are. You've got to fight the darkness inside you! It won't be easy to do, I know. But please don't forget. Even in the darkest darkness, there's always a little bit of light.

Riku: Light within darkness...

Mickey: You and I have seen it. The far welcoming light inside the door to darkness... The light of Kingdom Hearts---it will show you the way. Please don't give up. Believe in the light. That's a request from my heart.

Riku: Okay... I'll do my best.

Mickey: Trust me. I'll try to find a way to reach you. I'll get there, I promise.

I am sure that Riku and Mickey were supposed to use the power of waking on each other. Early on when they first arrive in the Realm of Darkness, Riku is swallowed up by the Demon Tide, and he was knocked unconscious. Well, getting swallowed up by the Demon Tide should do a LOT more to a person than that. At the Keyblade Graveyard, Aqua was terrified of the Demon Tide. She lost the will to fight when she saw it. It traumatized her that badly. 

Riku: There's no point in doing this if I can't do it on my own. But I do need a favor. If Ansem is the victor, he's going to enslave me. If that happens, use your powers to destr---

Mickey: O'course! I'll be right there to save ya!

Riku: Huh? No that's not it. I want you to destr---

Mickey: No way! No matter what happens, I'm gonna be right there to help ya. I promise ya that. Unless...you don't believe I'll come through for ya...

Riku: I choose to believe in you---always, Your Majesty.

Mickey: And I in you. You're not gonna lose, I know it.

Riku should have gotten a lot more than a new haircut after that ordeal. I bet that Mickey was supposed to use the power of waking on Riku after he was swallowed up by the Demon Tide. This should have been when Riku finished his arc with “Ansem”. After all, Riku gets a new Keyblade afterwards, one without the gazing eye on it. 

Mickey: Your darkness belongs to you. Just the same way your light does. Up till now, I thought darkness was something that should never exist. Then I spent time with you and changed my mind. The road you chose---I didn't know. Light and dark, back to back. With you, I think they might meet in a way nobody's seen before. Wonder where that road leads. I'd like to see myself.

Riku: Hm?

Mickey: I'd like to walk the road with ya.

Mickey was randomly knocked unconscious during the battle with Anti-Aqua. He carried a lot of personal guilt over her fate. I think that would have been Riku’s turn to use the power of waking on Mickey.

Ventus/Roxas

Eraqus: Forgive me…but you must exist no more.

Nomura originally said Roxas was born with Ventus’s heart. So, he would be very difficult to wake up because he’s gone through his worst nightmare multiple times. His heart almost collapsed, and he lost all his memories. Sora gave him a second chance, then Eraqus, Terra, and Aqua helped him recover. But then he was told he was a weapon that wasn’t supposed to exist. He would rather sacrifice himself than lose Terra or Aqua, so he accepts his fate to disappear. He loses everything, then goes back to sleep inside of Sora. When Sora became a Heartless, Ventus became separated from him and he was found by Xemnas. He became Roxas.

Roxas: I mean, when I think of losing you and Xion, or my memories of you...to forget what it’s like to be with my friends… it is scary.

Roxas has no memories of his past, but becomes close to Axel and Xion. But he’s a Nobody who is constantly told that he’s not supposed to exist. His greatest fear was losing his friends or forgetting about them. Xion disappears and he forgets her, and he loses his trust that Axel was ever his friend in the first place. Then Riku defeats him, he has all of his memories wiped, and is put into the data Twilight Town. There he becomes close to Hayner, Pence, and Olette.

Naminé: You…you were never supposed to exist, Roxas.

Roxas: What…? How could you even say such a thing…even if it were true?

Naminé: I’m sorry. I guess some things really are better left unsaid.

Then he’s told he was never supposed to exist, so he’ll never get to see those friends again. They were just fake anyways. He has to disappear so Sora can live. The third time is just too much for him and that’s when he went to the Realm of Sleep and didn’t want to come back. He endured a lot before he reached his absolute breaking point. At that point, he would be far too fractured to be brought back like before, where Terra and Axel just needed to reach out and show him friendship. Xemnas thought his heart might awaken when Axel sacrificed himself for Sora. But even that wasn’t enough. There’s no reason he should have returned as easily as he did in KH3. 

Terra and Aqua

Terra: Yep, hard to believe there are so many worlds out there besides our own. The light is their hearts, and it's shining down on us like a million lanterns.

Ven: What? I don't get it.

Terra: In other words, they're just like you, Ven.

The Wayfinder Trio was obviously supposed to use the power of waking on each other. Sora was supposed to awaken the sleeping memories inside of him. Since he would have access to Ven’s memories and feelings, he’d be able to use the power of waking to rescue Aqua. When Aqua was revived, they went to wake Ventus. Vanitas arrives and there’s a boss fight. Whaddya know, Aqua gets randomly knocked unconscious. This is right after she says she doesn’t want to be seen as weak, too. This is no doubt when she was supposed to use the power of waking on Ventus. 

Yen Sid: I will tell you what your friend needs right now. It is not your protection. He needs you to believe. You see, Ventus's heart hangs in the balance. It sleeps in the place between light and darkness. From all I can perceive, that means he will be looking for a friend--one who believes in him, to show him the way home. Just as long as you love him...then Ventus will be able to find you when he wakes. He can follow that love back to where he belongs--the realm of light.

Just as Vanitas was going to stab Aqua like he almost did in BBS, Ventus intervenes. That was the right stimulus to awaken his heart. Hayner, Pence, and Olette may have helped, too. They would get their memories of Roxas back, and them believing would contribute to Ventus being led back to the Realm of Light. Then of course, Ventus would be the one to use the power of waking on Terra. Ven was randomly knocked unconscious at the Keyblade Graveyard. Well, I doubt that was a coincidence. He was supposed to be inside of Terra’s heart, where he’d find him in the darkness. Terra was crying when he said Ven found him. I’m sure the search for Terra’s heart was going to be a lot more in-depth than what we saw, which was very rushed. Lea and Isa’s subplot with the power of waking was so horrendous, it needs it own post. So that will be Part 2.

[mightygarchomp]

Why I Love Goro Akechi: A (Long) Character Analysis

(WARNING: SPOILERS FOR PERSONA 5 LEFT AND RIGHT.)

(ADDITIONAL WARNING: Due to how controversial Goro is as a character, I’m definitely gonna get people disagreeing with me, and that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t start tossing in death threats, kay? Kay.)

Goro Akechi. One of the most controversial characters I’ve ever seen in a video game. Opinions on him are widely varied; either you love the guy and feel sorry for what he’s gone through, you can sympathize with him but dislike the lengths he goes to, or you just plain hate the guy due to his actions.

Well, if you couldn’t tell from the title of this analysis, I’m in the first camp, and proud of it.

I accept the risk of an angry mob going for my head in saying that Goro may just be my favorite character in a video game. I love pretty much everything about him, and yet I’m actually legitimately angry at how Atlus treated the guy. Seriously, they had a goldmine here and they wasted it. But whatever, I’m not here to rant about how disappointing Persona 5’s endgame was (though if you REALLY want me to do that, let me know). I’m here to pick apart Goro Akechi. Just what made him into who he was? How did his newfound Persona powers affect the course of his life? And what lead to him pulling the ultimate sacrifice? I’ll be answering all these questions - and hopefully more - in this analysis on the dashing Crow.

Part 1: A Life Full Of Hatred - How Goro Became Who He Was

All of the Phantom Thieves have pretty terrible lives, don’t they? The death of Futaba’s mother gave her some pretty intense survivor’s guilt, Haru’s stuck in an arranged marriage with the worst fiance imaginable, et cetera. Well, I think very few people will argue with me when Goro has the worst of it - save perhaps Futaba, but she gets over her issues. That never truly happens to Goro, even in his final moments. And can you really blame him?

The basic gist of it is this: Goro was born as an illegitimate child who was abandoned by his dad before he was even born. His mother either died from childbirth or killed herself out of shame, which left Goro to be passed around from foster home to foster home by the court. Throughout his entire life he’s never really had anyone to call a friend due to being shunted around. And note that this is just what he tells you before you find out what he’s really up to. When you find out who that dad is, things get much worse.

Goro’s dad is none other than Masayoshi Shido, the main antagonist of the game and one of the most heartless characters I’ve ever seen in a video game. Of course, Goro resented Shido for abandoning him, but he couldn’t really do anything. I’m not completely sure how Goro managed to find out how Shido was his dad, but that’s less an issue with his character and more an issue with Persona 5’s writing, so we’ll skip over that.

A lot of people like to say Goro’s just a guy with daddy issues, but I’d like you guys to keep in mind that this takes place in Japan. If you live in America, then this probably isn’t as much of an issue, but in Japan, being a bastard child is a huge problem, to the point where you’re basically born an outcast. Japan has a family registration system called koseki, which - until 2013 - did nothing to protect against discrimination towards illegitimate children. And keep in mind that his foster homes were probably aware of this, so imagine all of the hatred and discrimination he went through.

Honestly, with this information, it’s no wonder he grew into the bitter, resentful person he was. Never being acknowledge by his father, having to put up with loads of abuse... his early childhood was a terrible mess, to the point where he seems to have little in the way of self-worth. He outright calls himself a “disgrace to the world”. It also puts his ultimate plan into perspective, considering this would destroy Shido’s reputation - and also any trust in government, which would throw society into chaos AND give him the revenge and closure he desired on all the adults who abused him.

Despite his princely detective mask and fame, he has some pretty deep-rooted issues to the point where he’s not only angry that the Phantom Thieves are “better than him” (as he perceives it) but also terrified. The few things he actually has in life - his fame and image - were at risk of being worthless, considering he perceived the Thieves as having things he didn’t despite him being much more successful than them. It shows that even with all this fame he’s not really that happy. And worst of all, he had no chance to change his terrible life.

Or did he?

Part 2: A Chance At Revenge - Goro’s Wild Card Abilities and His Father

Goro may have hit rock bottom, but he found hope when he gained the ability to use Personas - and also the possible power to get revenge on his father, who he was formerly powerless against. But he’s not just any Persona user; he’s a Wild Card. This wouldn’t be much of a big deal before Persona 3, considering from what I know everyone was a Wild Card, but after Persona 3? We never really got Wild Cards other than the protagonist, save maybe Adachi. And even then, Goro was the only one to actually use multiple Personas in battle. Or, well... two.

See, most people complain that Goro’s boss fight could have been a lot cooler, with him switching between Personas, but these people are missing the entire deal of the Wild Card. Goro was unable to fully utilize the power of the Wild Card because he had no bonds. Of course, you may wonder in that case... what’s the deal with his Personas? Which one is the original, and how did he get a second one? Well, my theory is that Loki is the original. It would make sense, given his whole deal of causing mental shutdowns and sending people berserk - the main thing he did with Loki.

Of course, in that case, how did he get Robin Hood? Well, my theory is that there is one bond he made: his bond with Joker. He’s legitimately regretful about the turn of events that leads to his boss fight, and wishes he could have met Joker beforehand. Morgana even points out that he’s happy when he’s with Joker. The other Thieves treat him with scorn initially, and by the time they start warming up to him, it’s not enough to get a true bond. But Joker was... well, depending on your choices, the nicest one to him. At the very least, he’s the one who interacts the most with Goro.

Of course, there’s probably going to be the inevitable argument of “you can still fuse Personas if you don’t have the Social Links yet”. However, one thing I’d like you guys to keep in mind is that we have no confirmation that Goro even got to see the Velvet Room. During his confrontation, his exact words are “Someone, be it god or demon, gave me a chance...” which implies that he has no idea how he got Persona powers. If he doesn’t have access to Igor and the Velvet Room assistants (notably, Caroline and Justine never mention him) then how’s he supposed to fuse new Personas? He had no one to guide him into believing he could negotiate with Shadows, either, unlike Joker. So it makes sense that the only Personas he have would be born from his own heart - one from his sheer hatred for the world and Yaldabaoth’s gift, and the other one being from his bond with Joker.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about Goro’s plans from there: he came to Shido as an unknown benefactor and offered him his services. Of course, seeing as Shido saw him as a useful pawn, he accepted, and the two entered a partnership. Goro was effectively Shido’s personal hitman - and this started two years prior to the events of the game. Basically, Goro became an assassin right out of middle school.

Of course, the biggest elephant in the room is... if Goro is so sympathetic, why did he murder so many people, including being responsible for Wakaba Isshiki and Kunikazu Okumura’s deaths? Well, the thing is... keep in mind Goro has gone through a lot. His dad was basically responsible for his terrible life, and since we can infer he was regularly abused at his households, he probably became pretty fixated on getting revenge. Imagine not getting closure for over a decade for someone who made your life a living hell. Goro is very determined to get revenge on his father, no matter the circumstances. He pretty much had to do exactly what Shido told him if he wanted to get revenge. Keep in mind Shido is willing to kill pretty much anybody who isn’t useful to him anymore. One wrong step and Goro would probably be a victim.

Furthermore, another thing to keep in mind is that throughout all his live, Goro has been severely affection starved. He’s had no friends or family that really loved him. At this point he’s willing to do anything to get acknowledgment from someone even if it’s just for his talents. By the time he found a real friend in Joker, he thought it was too late to really change. Goro outright admits he just wanted to be loved and acknowledged by someone, but due to his own narrow-minded views and the refusal to accept the fact that he wasted two years of his life murdering people and obeying the person he hates most for nothing, his ability to back out is long gone. In Goro’s life, anyone could die.

The most important thing, however, is that even with Persona powers, he’s just a kid going up against a powerful conspiracy. What could he do to escape the cycle of abusive homes? The only real option he could think of to take was revenge. And honestly, I can’t blame him. Even if he’s done some terrible things, he couldn’t really be a hero in the first place, considering he didn’t even know stealing hearts was possible until it was too late.

Luckily, he did see the light in the end... kind of.

Part 3: A Desire For Redemption - The Lead-Up To Goro’s Sacrifice

With my personal disdain for Persona 5’s endgame, I won’t deny that Goro’s redemption arc could have been handled far better. That said, there are clear signs of it. The big question for this section: What built up to Goro eventually sacrificing himself for the Phantom Thieves in a situation that he could’ve escaped from if he had done something as simple as move back a little?

Well, let’s start with the most important part: his friendship with Joker. As you find out in Shido’s cruise ship, despite being a traitor, Goro didn’t lie about his past to Joker - he just left out the more important parts. For a guy who’s perfectly willing to lie and seems heartless, that’s kind of odd, wouldn’t you think? Why would he spill such personal details? It’s obvious he holds Joker in high regard, which is made even more evident as you meet up with him more often and rank up his Confidant. In the final confrontation with him, before he starts to get more hostile, he laments that he couldn’t have met Joker earlier, before he deemed it too late to change.

This carries further through the dungeon he joins you in. Throughout the Palace, Goro is getting hazed by the other Thieves because they’re onto him. However, as the dungeon goes on they start to respect him more for his wit and assistance. Goro was probably feeling good about being admired by people who aren’t complete sociopaths like Shido, and he no doubt wanted to hold onto that feeling, but ultimately decided to go forward because he had sunk too much into his mission with Shido. How could I assume this? Well, after he kills Joker and talks to Shido about the deed, he manages to convince Shido not to have him off the other Thieves, AND also ignores Morgana’s existence and lies about it to Shido - the man he’s pretty much the obedient puppet of at this point. That speaks volumes.

So what happens when the Thieves manage to convince him that it’s not too late for his life to take a turn for a better? Well, one beating-the-crap session out of him later, they outright admit they admire his strength and wit, but also gently admonish him for his power being fueled by hate and anger. Then they give him the option to join them against Shido - for real. A part of me wonders what would have happened if he was able to say yes before Cognitive Goro showed up...

Regardless, this leads to Goro pulling the ultimate sacrifice: blocking himself off from the party and performing a mutual kill on his cognitive self. We’ve already established the lead-up to this, but one thing I noticed is that Goro had an easy escape route. If he just moved a little bit - or, hell, even dived - he could have ended up on the other side of the wall and Cognitive Goro would have been unable to stop him. Why didn’t he? Well...

The biggest reason is that even if Goro changes, as many fans like to point out, his crimes aren’t magically erased. Goro is well aware what he’s doing is wrong, even if he considers it his own twisted “justice” at the same time. Given his demeanor after he’s defeated and the fact that he didn’t reform due to how much he had put into this plan, it’s easy to say he probably doesn’t think he can atone for his crimes with any method other than, well, death.

The other reason is also interesting: Should Goro have escaped, that wouldn’t have helped with Cognitive Goro. He’d still be active and roaming the Palace and could kill the Thieves. Goro’s intelligent enough that he probably considered this and wanted to remove the Thieves’ biggest opponent for good - and the only way to do that was by sacrificing himself.

Or, y’know, he just didn’t have enough energy to move out of the way in time.

Part 4: Closing Thoughts + Should Goro Turn Out To Be Alive?

This doesn’t really relate to his character, but I figured it’d be interesting to include. There are people who think Goro should either stay dead or turn out to be alive, but have to atone for his crimes. What do I think?

Well, this is down to some heavy personal preferences, but I think Goro should stay alive... but only because his redemption arc was pretty rushed due to the endgame’s rather poor writing. They could have done so much more with Goro, honestly, but his redemption arc just kinda happened - and what makes it worse is that he’s mentioned maybe three times max after his death.

The reason I think Goro should have survived his death is because he deserves so much more than what he got. His arc could’ve been absolutely wonderful with how complex a character he is. All he wanted was acknowledgment and love, and we can all relate to that, right? He may have committed some truly heinous crimes, but I think he would have turned out far differently with the right people around. Even if no one else will, I’ll stick up for him any day and give him the affection and respect he deserves.

Thanks for reading.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I agree Cas would never do anything that endangers Jack, but personally rn I'm more annoyed with Jack...wtf is wrong with him? I never liked him, and this complete lack of empathy is the main reason why. And I know they'll 'redeem' him when they show the complete scene, but whatever, he was still willing to go on a road trip with literal Satan after everything...I just can't stand him.

Hi! Sorry for the lateness of my reply but it’s been kind of an hectic day and I came home late.

Well, we’ve seen just a snippet out of context so we can’t really tell what’s going on exactly there, but I don’t really think it’s Jack being cruel or lacking empathy - it kind of makes sense to sacrifice one man if it saves billions? Of course this is Supernatural and things are more complex than that (*Crowley voice* feelings!), but if the context is that they’re considering whether to destroy Michael with Dean inside or let Michael loose risking it to cost a large number of lives (see what happened in the previous planet that Michael inhabited) then the most reasonable (heck, the right) thing to do would be to sacrifice Dean.

Context will give us more material to judge the various characters’ stances on the matter - I am generally wary to make judgements based on trailers because they’re often purposely misleading in order to catch your curiosity without giving the entire thing away (not that whoever makes those promos is very good at it, but hey) - but if Jack is suggesting to sacrifice Dean in order to save many, many other people, I wouldn’t say it’s lack of empathy, I would say it’s the hard choice (always easier to sacrifice people you don’t know, right?).

Then again I’m not saying that if Cas says let’s try to save Dean it’s going to be a morally wrong choice, unless the show frames it like that (I don’t expect them to - we’re way past that point in the narrative where choosing to save someone at all costs was framed as toxic because of a whole baggage of reasons).

Like - the fact that trying to save one person even if chances were low and the consequences of failure were catastrophic (and many lives were obviously going to be lost anyway!, because that’s what happens when you’re invaded by an enemy army that will stop at nothing) was framed by the narrative as a morally good thing is one of the (many, many) things that absolutely don’t work with Infinity War, for instance, so I hope Supernatural is not going to just feed us that we don’t sacrifices lives no matter what just because. I hope it’s more nuanced than that. One white dude is not magically more valuable than several other lives, despite what Hollywood has been trying to tell us. Of course this is Dean, our protagonist that we love and that the show can’t do without, so things will go in a way that allows him to be saved without more than half the population of the universe to just fucking die... (I have way more faith in the Supernatural writers to write decently, so I’m not actually worried.)

I guess what we’re seeing in the promo is a moment where they’re still assessing the situation and what can be done, you know? Maybe at the beginning the only choice that makes sense is to sacrifice Dean and then something changes in the situation and it becomes possible to save Dean without it being an utterly selfish decision, which would put Cas and/or Sam in a position of badness that I don’t think the narrative wants to put them at this point of the story (conflict and dilemmas, yes, but really drastic stuff that questions their entire morality, I don’t think so).

About Jack more in general... I wouldn’t say he’s being written as completely lacking empathy. I find that the most interesting, for me at least, way of looking at Jack is to ask yourself, who among Dean, Sam and Cas is he mirroring in this trait of his/in this thing he’s going through right now? When he struggles with empathy, when he is torn because he doesn’t know his place in the world, when he despairs because he feels like every thing he does is a mistake - which (one or multiple) of our main characters is he being a mirror of?

We’ve seen Sam struggle with empathy (not that he lacks compassion - I’m talking the definition of empathy) and be at odds with Dean because his consequentialist morality clashes against Dean’s deontologist morality. We’ve seen both of them struggle between a more consequentialist approach and a more deontologist approach (ethics... complicated, man). If you add Cas in the mix, even more stuff to consider. We’ve seen all of them, in a way or another, be torn and self-loathing because they feel that every time they do something, they mess up. We’ve seen them engage in different kinds of self-punishing behaviors. We’ve seen them trust the wrong people for the right reasons (which is why I don’t think any of them is going to blame Jack for being willing to trust Lucifer for a hot minute there). We’ve seen them struggle with their biological fathers (well, in Cas’ case, not really biological but... creationist, or whatever :p), too...

I think that when Jack comes off as jarring, it’s because he’s being written as a sum of the main characters struggles, except that Dean, Sam and Cas have had their struggles and flaws spread over more than a decade and split over three people, while Jack is a condensation of a little bit of everything in one person over one season (and often not always exactly written in masterpieces of television writing, eh, I’m not forgetting that), if it makes sense?

I don’t have particular feelings towards Jack (I don’t dislike him but I wouldn’t miss him if he were gone), but I like the way the narrative is exploring the main characters through his narrative, and I trust the producers and writing team to deliver some interesting material in this sense in the season to come.

[shipcestuous]

(Submission)

My Thundermans asks got a bit out of hand, so I decided to switch to a submission. Less copying and pasting for you, maaaaybe more coherence. No promises. Also, my previous ask was rude and I’m sorry for that. Like, I didn’t even say hi. I should know better than that. Just, to my slight defence, I was still affected by the show ending and some personal stuff. But I’ll make it up right now.

Hiiiiiiii!!! Thundercest anon back here for the final finale. Unbelievable. Well, mostly I can’t believe it’s been almost exactly a year since I binge-watched the entire show right up to the mid-S4 finale and then cursed (and also thanked) all of you guys who turned me onto the show. For a non-canon pairing, that was some A+ content and a fairly decent amount of it, too. Siiiigh. All good things must come to an end, I suppose. Happy watching, by the way!!

So, Looperheroes. I don’t know if it was intentional or not, or, if so, which version was intentional, or if it was just a plot hole that didn’t matter to them as long as they could conveniently advance their plot, but anyway, it is very, very, veeeeery interesting that Phoebe was the only other person besides Max who was conscious of the time loop. At first, you think it’s the Z-Force conducting another test and it makes sense. But when we find out it’s Max who’s created the time loop, with a device he made, and he might even be resetting it every morning to start the loop all over again, one has to wonder how come Phoebe is in the loop about the loop when nobody else is (besides the guy who actually makes it happen). As far as I could tell, there didn’t seem to be any “logical, science-y” reason that could explain it. Like proximity. Unless Phoebe and Max were sleeping in the same bed behind the scenes, and Phoebe had woken up early because she’s Phoebe, and anyway, the point is that Colosso and the rest of the family had logically equal chances of getting pulled into the time loop, but it was only Phoebe who ended up in it. So, any way you look at it, it’s all very… Thundercestuous. Now, I’ve come up with three scenarios so far. 1) “Blame it all on the superhero twins bond.” It’s been a recurring theme throughout the show that superhero twins have special bonds that manifest in multiple ways. So, Max and Phoebe had to stay within a few feet of each other when that meteor was close to Earth, and in the finale, that is “Thunder Games”, we also learn they’re supposed to have a special superpower that they can only activate together. So maybe this bond dragged Phoebe into the time loop. Not as Thundercestuous as the other scenarios but still a very nice thought. 2) Keeping the superhero twins bond, we add to the mix the actual emotional bond between Max and Phoebe. They’ve always had it, no matter what, even when Max was dead set on being a villain, but in S4 it’s developed so much more. They still mess with each other in true Phoebe and Max fashion, but now they are not enemies. On the contrary, they share a common goal and dream and they have to work together to achieve it. And we’ve seen them overcome their antagonism in order to do so. So, both bonds, one of them by nature, the other built by the twins both consciously and not, could have been what pulled Phoebe in the loop. Another factor might have been their mental and emotional states those few days before the final Z-Force announcement. I imagine both could only think about that and were very anxious over it. I mean, Max definitely was, he created the loop out of fear of failure, and it’s in Phoebe’s character to freak out over it. And taking it even further, this was a perfect case of suffering or going through something, and wanting to be around only someone who understands you perfectly, maybe even goes through the exact same thing. It’s all very Thundercestuous in any case. 3) Max chose to pull Phoebe into the loop with him. Just Phoebe. Not even Colosso. In a semi-crack, semi-serious take on this, Max knew that messing with time could have world-ending consequences (he admitted as much) and might have also been uncertain about the level of functionality of his device, so he decided his best bet was to have Phoebe in the know. Who better to brainstorm or share the responsibility of a catastrophe with? (Exhibit A through Z: Max hunching down in a protective position while Phoebe destroyed the looping device and then explaining that messing with time could have had world-ending consequences. Oh, Max.) Anyway, back to the main point of this theory: Max chose, especially if he had to reset the device every day, to spend at least 95 repetitions of the same day with Phoebe. And I say with Phoebe specifically because Max can put two and two together pretty easily. If Phoebe was the only other person conscious of the day repeating but not aware that Max was the one causing it, then she would think it was the Z-Force testing them (which is exactly what she theorized and Max was there conveniently going along with it) or some villain attacking them etc. With Phoebe working off of such an assumption, they would be forced to work together to come up with ways they could break the loop (and pass the test in the case of the Z-Force). And of course, it’s not like anyone would believe them easily or at all about the loop (as was evident when they told Barb, not to mention that Max was trying to deter Phoebe from asking for help). All in all, Max had to know beforehand that he and Phoebe would be spending a whole lot of time together, brainstorming ideas and putting them into effect. And so they did. From partying hard like there’s no tomorrow to saving the world from the smallest perceived evil, they were joined at the hip most of the time. That is a lot of time spent in each other’s company. Seriously, 95 mornings of Phoebe coming down to Max’s lair, of going to school together, of working closely together. They ended up in such a sync, too, even simply in their enjoyment of Bradford’s and Wong’s misfortunes. And one does have to wonder: what things did they try and what would have they tried or been willing to try in order to break free of the time loop? And the Thundercest kicks up a notch or two or a dozen when you keep in mind that Max was behind the whole thing and could have stopped it or even changed the settings at any time. Also, once again proving people over the age of 20 should not be watching teen Nick, can we talk about Max throwing in Phoebe’s face her “kink” about following direct orders? No need to get up. I’ll see myself out.

Thunder Games. Oh, boy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: actual physical battle between Phoebe and Max is the stuff of legends (and Thundercest dreams). Phoebe and Max have been training together and under the supervision of the same people their whole lives. And in the past… however long S4 takes up in canon, they have been training together to be a team, in sync. To complete each other. Sort of like Jaeger pilots (where’s my AU fic?). So, the choreography is inevitably a thing of beauty. How they attack and deflect and it ends up looking more like an intimate dance, an intimate exchange, than a fight. I’ll say, this battle was a beautiful summation of Max and Phoebe’s relationship. It was their individual characters and mutual feelings summed up and put into the most prominent display.

Phoebe giving up her lifelong dream of becoming an acclaimed superhero so Max would get to live out his own dream of becoming a famous superhero? That’s peak Thundercest, in my opinion, and characterization consistency of a rare kind, because Phoebe loving Max so much that she would make this kind of personal sacrifice for him has been a recurring theme since S1, in spite of lapses in between that were convenient to one plot or another, and who even applies that kind of thoughtful criticism to the Thundermans (besides the very much adult audience that metas the hell out of Thundercest. Anyways).

And I think that Phoebe sacrificing her Z-Force dream for the sake of Max’s Z-Force dream is as consistent a characterization as is Max finishing Phoebe off in that battle. They mutually agreed beforehand that they would essentially give it their all until there was a winner (obviously without killing each other, which however didn’t seem like an undesirable outcome as far as the Z-Force and its commander were concerned… seriously, what even. Another case of misguided and harmful jokes on the writers’ part). So anyway, the point is that Max didn’t do anything wrong, but the twins’ individual choices in that fight made prominent my favorite, I would say, contrasting aspects of their characters: the quality of their individual goodness/their “good” alignment and the quality of love they have for each other.

(Fair warning: I don’t have the right words to clearly express what I mean. But I think you’ll get my point for the most part.)

Phoebe’s love for Max is, in a sense, pure. Of course, I’m not going to dwell on petty rivalries, pranks and the like. No, I’m talking about the love that’s there underneath everything, once you strip away all superficial layers, all antagonistic shenanigans and exchanges. Phoebe doesn’t want Max to be just alive and safe and well. She wants him to be happy. And when it came down to choosing between his happiness and her own, she chose his. You can argue, of course, that the Z-Force is only one thing that could contribute to her happiness in life and also that seeing Max happy would make her happy, as well. But I’m going to circle back to a point I made when we got the episode with the visiting Thunderman grandparents, where the Thunderkids’ grandpa, who until then was all about Phoebe because she wanted to be a hero and Max was the black sheep who wanted to be a villain, was now all about Max, neglecting Phoebe entirely. And Phoebe was hurt and rightly so: we know and we’ve seen her do everything right on her way to becoming a hero. Never skipping school, always a diligent student with straight A’s, forgoing parties and other outings, always following the rules. I’m not going to look into Max’s psyche and talk about the reasons he wanted to be a villain etc. That’s a whole other talk that involves the analysis of Hank and Barb’s parenting, the superhero society and it’s status quo etc. Still, Max did try hard to be a villain, topping it all with the S3 finale that almost got his entire family killed. He was stubborn and reckless and it was his instrumental involvement in his family’s near murder that finally acted as his wake-up call. And then the Thundermans had to face the consequences of being exposed as superheroes, which was also Max’s fault for the most part, and if President Kickbutt hadn’t chosen to leave their powers intact in secret, the consequences would have been: a) Phoebe, Nora, Billy and Chloe stripped of their chances to ever become superheroes, and b) the Thundermans officially and publicly powerless and at the mercy of all their superpowered past nemeses. And yet, even with all that, when Max realizes he doesn’t actually hate his family and he wants them alive, he works to rectify his mistakes but that isn’t the same as him setting out from the start to perform some heroic act, but all is still forgiven, he earns a superhero cape and then chooses to compete for the Z-Force. Now, with the lives Phoebe and Max have led, if Phoebe objected to Max getting a cape or was annoyed at everything being forgiven so easily etc, wouldn’t she have been in the right? But she doesn’t object and she cheers him on and teams up with him, essentially sharing her Z-Force dream with him. And I’m not saying Max should be constantly punished for his past or deprived of his chances to be as great a superhero as Phoebe (or any other superhero that has always walked the “righteous” path), but Phoebe has fought and made sacrifices for that Z-Force spot her whole life while Max had been working up until the S3 finale to be, one could argue, at the top of the Z-Force’s Most Wanted list. Anyway, even I’ve lost my train of thought. The point is, with all this in mind, Phoebe letting Max win is a huge sacrifice on her part and speaks volumes of the amount of her love for him and the quality of that love.

Max, on the other hand, has always had this extra touch of “darkness” -for lack of a better word- when compared to Phoebe, which is what differentiates the type of good he is from the type of good Phoebe is, and which is what led him to finish Phoebe off while her “good” alignment and “purer” love led her to fake defeat for his sake. Max loves Phoebe, possibly just as much as she does. (I can’t make up my mind on this issue.) But I think Max may never shed some other key parts of his feelings and his love towards Phoebe: his obsession and dependency on her. Max has always behaved and acted in a way that put Phoebe at the epicenter of his activities, made her the focus of his energy, even his target at times. And he probably doesn’t realize it, at all or mostly. I’ve said before that Max wants to be the center of Phoebe’s attention, he wants to monopolize her interest and her actions and her energy. I am personally certain that had he become a master villain, he’d have wanted and chosen no one else as his archenemy but Phoebe. And we’ve also seen him be aware of the kind of love Phoebe has for him, of its quality and quantity, and he took advantage of it again and again, until the S3 finale where he saw Phoebe react to his actions, his villainous shenanigans, in a way she never has before. Right then, Max realized with terror for the first time in his life that even Phoebe and her love for him have limits and he had been pushing her towards her breaking point for a long time now. And now, dealing the final blow and winning the Z-Force battle, I think he was still partly satisfying his need to be the prominent figure in Phoebe’s life, unforgettable, the leave-a-mark kind (which is what would have happened), while he was also beating her fair and square, winning a years-long competition that he never managed to put behind him (unlike Phoebe, who proved that she did by letting Max win). Frankly, I’m not so sure Max would have taken it so well if he’d lost to Phoebe. This is where the contrast between the quality of his goodness and that of Phoebe’s comes into play. I know for certain that had Phoebe truly lost, she would have still been good, heroic. She might have gone through some depressive phases but she’d eventually go on performing superheroic acts, just like tons of superheroes who weren’t and aren’t part of the Z-Force. But Max needs to be the best, needs the recognition (again, parenting etc are factors here). The Z-Force has been a big driving force in his heroics, and his leap over to the side of the heroes is still very recent. He’s still too volatile. Winning that official fight against Phoebe and choosing himself later on to quit the Z-Force in order to save his family were essential, I believe, in his tame reaction to losing his Z-Force spot. It matters a lot for his mental and emotional health that he won the spot and chose of his own volition to give it up. It makes all the difference in the world. Max loves Phoebe but he also has some deep-rooted issues and he needs to officially be better than her. Going forward, he would know Phoebe might feel some resentment and misery that she didn’t get to be on the Force, but she would hide it, and he would gladly pretend, and it wouldn’t taste unpleasantly to be the big Z-Force superhero and teaming up with his regular superhero twin when she needs him. In the end, what I’m saying is Max clearly hesitated to deal the death blow, but he still did, while Phoebe thought of his happiness and sacrificed her own.

Siiiiigh. I don’t know. I’ve put my Thundercest goggles on and I’m dissecting a teen show on Nickelodeon. What am I even doing? Truth be told, though, I don’t know if it was intentional or not on the writers’ part, and it probably wasn’t, let’s be real, but Phoebe and Max are written so much like an archetypical pairing of incestuous heterosexual siblings that you just go there straight away if you’re so inclined. Phoebe’s morality, Max’s moral ambiguity, the rivalry and the tension, the times he’s managed to make her stray even in a tiny, insubstantial (in the grand scheme of things) way, the times he’s pushed and pulled and stretched thin all her good will and love for him, his need to be better than her, but on one condition: Phoebe has to be second best. Because I think that’s how Max’s obsession with Phoebe manifests: he wants to be the best on a global scale, hero or villain, and he needs, he wants Phoebe to be second best, to be able to keep him on his toes but, in the end, individual battles aside, he always ends up having the upper hand in the war. Again, hero or villain, whether the war is them two against each other or together against the bad guys of the world.

Okay, the goggles are coming off because this got waaaay out of hand. I’ve gone from reading into things to reaching and someone needs to take the idea of a grown-up Thundermans show and run with it. No need for anything canon, we take care of that ourselves juuuust fiiiiine.

Oh, I forgot about the special twin power. I probably have more to say about this but I’m still very deep in the Z-Force fight thing. It’s left a mark. But holding hands and creating that kind of a bang? Incestuous pairing or not, that gets a shipper’s heart beating wildly. Also, I haven’t watched any Gifted, but from all the gifsets I’ve seen on this very blog, the way Max and Phoebe’s superhero twins power is activated and the explosiveness of it seems reminiscent of the twins (or just siblings?) on that show. And then, Phoebe and Max as heads of the T-Force? The through-the-roof cheesiness and ridiculousness factors aside (that commander needed to be gone ASAP but Max and Phoebe as the successors? Come on), the twins heading the Force conjures up all kinds of Thundercestuous images and I’m so down for it.

Well. Thank you for reading this monstrosity and for turning me onto the Thundermans. I don’t regret it for a second. Thundercest is dream incest and I’m glad I joined the rest of you guys on this ship. And I hope my mistakes aren’t that many. This was so huge. About 37 asks huge, to be precise. I’m so so sorry??? And I can’t wait to hear your own thoughts and meta and anybody else’s who wants to contribute. How on Earth did this ship come to matter so much to me? Okay, I’m done.

❤❤❤

First of all, let me apologize for taking so long to answer this, Anon! I have just not been able to find the time/energy the past couple of weeks to make any significant progress on clearing out my inbox. And of course The Thundermans 5-episode finale blowout is a big deal and you sent in a lot of thoughts (BUT  AM SO GLAD - and also glad you did a submission instead of 37 asks haha) so I couldn’t just sit down when I had 10 minutes and do it. But I really do feel bad because I know you and others were excited to talk about it and I just always let everybody down when it comes to time-sensitive things. Every day I was thinking I would answer asks after I got home from work, but then I was just too tired. So, enough excuses, on to the good stuff!

I’m so glad you joined us on The Thundermans ride. It has been a pleasure discussing the show with you and especially just reading your insights and thoughts! Max and Phoebe really is dream incest. I’m still over the moon that the show ended with the two of them single and teammates like that. Unlike some other shows which drift more and more towards canon love interests, The Thundermans never did. 

Oh Looperheroes. What a gift! When we learn that MAX is the one who has been making the day repeat over and over again, which means spending all day every day with Phoebe, and Phoebe being the only one in on the secret (well, part of the secret)…the thundercest is real. It took me back to season 1, to that episode when they spent the day at school alone having snowball fights or whatever. (Haha, I can’t even remember why anymore.) It was like Max wanted three months of days like that. Regardless of why Phoebe was in the time loop with him, the fact is that they spent that time together and he could have stopped it at any point but never did. 

It’s wonderfully impressive that any explanation for why Phoebe is in the time loop with him is hella shippy, but I do very much like your theory that he has pulled Phoebe into the time loop with him. Maybe he really is thinking more and more like the two of them are a team, and he wants his teammate there with him in case something goes wrong. And also just to be with him!

I think your character analysis is spot-on. Max loves Phoebe in a way that manifests itself differently from the way she loves him. She doesn’t hesitate to self-sacrifice for his happiness, whereas Max can not entirely rise above his competitive feelings towards her or his own selfishness. But we see how much she means to him again and again, and there is what you mentioned - that obsession with her, almost, and that desire to put her at the center, and for her to come in second only to him. I really think it’s best described the idea that if he had become a super villain, that she would have been his nemesis, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. That he probably became a super villain just for that. 

But let’s just take a moment to appreciate how much Phoebe Thunderman loves her twin brother. Because damn. After everything he has put her through, and she lost the Z Force challenge on purpose for his sake. *slow clap*

I am so thrilled that they gave us this last-minute twin power. It was exactly like Andy and Lauren on The Gifted - twins, who hold hands, and then basically the same thing happens too - white light and an explosion of some kind. Of course on The Gifted it gets all windy and turns slow-mo and is ridiculously romantic but this is Nickelodeon after all. It’s a comedy not a drama. This officially means that Phoebe and Max will always be strongest together - but we already saw that in the episode when they figured out that only together they could make each other fly. 

I am so pleased by this show in general and particularly by those final 5 episodes. Both The Thundermans and The Middle knocked their finales out of the park. 

I’m honestly on overload. Thank you, The Thundermans, for this incest playground. And than you, Thundercest Anon!

[empress-of-snark]

(last header by @caseyblu)

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (2018)

(I am a Fool and I didn’t post this yesterday, I apologize)

AKA: I wish I hadn’t already used the “Everything hurts and I’m dying” reference on Iron Man 2, because it’s even more applicable now.

(So many spoilers, like seriously, don’t read if you haven’t seen Infinity War yet.)

Hoo boy, wow. This was the big one. It’s kind of like Civil War--there’s just so much going on that it’s hard to know where to start. Only it’s like 100 times bigger than that. So yeah, this might get confusing. Sorry in advance.

First off, I’m not totally convinced that Loki’s dead. I know, I know, I’m not gonna go off on a rant and it’s not just because I like him. It’s because his death really didn’t make sense. I mean, I understand why it had to happen plot-wise, but I don’t understand why someone as powerful as Loki would simply use a knife to attack Thanos, who now has two infinity stones. One could argue he wasn’t thinking clearly after seeing Thor tortured, but that doesn’t seem in-character to me. I dunno, maybe I’m just in denial. But I have a hunch he may come back one last time in Avengers 4, maybe with Valkyrie.

There were a lot of characters absent who I expect will make an appearance in Avengers 4, assuming they weren’t dusted. Hawkeye, Ant-Man & the Wasp, Valkyrie, Korg & Meik, Lady Sif, Wong (if he’s done protecting the Sanctorum, that is).

Actually, I’m calling it right now. End credits scene of Avengers 4. Dr. Strange opens the doors to the Sanctum Sanctorum, bloody, bruised, and exhausted after the fight of his life. Wong is sitting on the stairs with a half-eaten carton of Ben & Jerry’s “Hulk-A-Hulk-A-Burning-Fudge” ice cream. “How’d it go?”

Also excited to meet Captain Marvel and learn what exactly she’s been doing for the past ten years that was more important than ever helping save the world. Maybe she’s just so powerful that no threat has been big enough to require her presence? I guess we’ll find out next year.

Anyway, it was great seeing all the different characters meet and interact for the first time. It’s another big crossover, like the first Avengers movie. Except this one is like three or four big groups scattered across the galaxy and you have to keep track of who knows who and who’s where doing what. It gets confusing at times, especially trying to remember things like who’s supposed to know about the infinity stones, who knows about Thanos, who has no idea what’s going on, etc.

I spotted another timeline issue that confuses things even more, actually. Tony references the events of the first Avengers film and says they happened six years ago. Which means that technically Spiderman Homecoming is supposed to happen two years after this (as the beginning indicates it’s eight years after the attack on New York). I guess it doesn’t make a huge difference, I’m just surprised they’d make a mistake like that, with how meticulous they usually are about continuity.

It was still pretty painful to watch all those characters turn to dust at the end, even though I know they’re definitely coming back in Avengers 4 (they literally just announced the release date of Spiderman 2). Ugh, his scene still gets me. Knowing that his lines there were improvised honestly makes it worse.

This is obviously the first time we’ve ever seen a villain actually win, even if it’s just part one. And before anyone says anything else about Quill ruining the plan and being responsible for their loss, consider this: Strange saw this future. He knew there was only one way they could defeat Thanos and if he didn’t stop Quill then, that means it had to happen. If Quill had stayed quiet and they’d gotten the gauntlet off, something else would’ve gone wrong and Thanos still would’ve killed half the universe.

Also, consider that Quill has always been a very emotional character. He had the same reaction to Gamora’s death that he did in Guardians 2 when he learned that Ego killed his mother. He was not acting rationally and we shouldn’t condemn him for being sad/angry that the woman he loves is dead.

It is a little unhelpful that Strange dissolved before leaving any sort of instructions. He’s the only one who knows exactly what should happen and now he’s gone, leaving everyone else to figure it out on their own.

One complaint that my brother pointed out is that this movie kind of negates a lot of what happened in Ragnarok. Yes, Asgard is still gone, but the point of Ragnarok was to strip Thor down to nothing. He lost his hammer. In Infinity War, he’s got a new axe. He lost an eye. Rocket gives him a new one. He and Loki finally reconciled. Loki’s dead now. He befriended Valkyrie. Who even knows where Valkyrie is. Also half the Asgardian refugees are dead now. It just makes you wonder what the point of Ragnarok was if nothing stuck.

So let’s talk about Gamora real quick. First of all, her singing along with Quill to his music was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Second of all, I’m not convinced she’s dead either (yes, like Loki, this is partly just because I don’t want her to be dead). There’s theories that she may be trapped in the soul stone, possibly along with everyone who got dusted, which means that there may be a chance of getting her back in Avengers 4. I really hope so, cause I just can’t imagine another Guardians movie without her.

There’s probably a million and one other things left to say but I don’t want this review to drag on too long. You all saw the movie, you know how devastating it is, I don’t have to tell you.

RANKINGS:      Disclaimer: We’re considering the characters who went through the most change/development as ‘heroes’ and everyone else as ‘supporting.’ I’d love to sit down and rank every single character in this movie, but we’d be here all day.

     Hero(es): 8.5 Stormbreakers out of 10. This is Tony, Dr. Strange, Peter Quill, Gamora, Vision, Wanda, and Thor. All seven of these characters went through a ton of character development and growth, and come across as the real main characters. They all played off each other well (those that interacted, that is), and every one of them had to make some incredibly hard decisions that really reflected their heroism.

     Villain: 9.5 snaps out of 10. I mean, a villain always gets points when he’s easy to hate, and Thanos makes it soooo easy, omg. Like some others, his motivations actually make sense in a really twisted way and he’s not just trying to take over the world, which gets old. Plus, he actually succeeded in his goal! Can’t wait to see him get beaten to death in Avengers 4, fingers crossed.

     Supporting characters: 8 tuna melts out of 10. This is everyone but the seven mentioned above. Lots of the supporting characters provide a little comic relief in the more stressful moments. Just about every character plays some important role in the story and they all manage to work together to defeat Thanos.           Female characters: 7.5 Bechdels out of 10. This one kind of passes for a very brief interaction between Wanda, Natasha, and Proxima Midnight (Thanos’s evil daughter) on the battlefield in Wakanda. But we’ve established in the past that a movie can still be feminist whether or not it passes the Bechdel test. And this one still gets points for having multiple female characters who play crucial roles in the plot. Wanda and Gamora especially, as previously stated, are central characters. In fact, I think I read somewhere that Gamora actually gets the most screen time out of all the heroes, at something like 19 minutes.

     Action scenes: 10 punches out of 10. Nearly every MCU hero from the past ten years has to band together to fight Thanos and we get to see the full extent of everyone’s abilities. I especially love watching Dr. Strange and Wanda’s fighting techniques. Plus, the movie does a great job at balancing all the action by cutting back and forth between the different locations and giving us some reprieve from non-stop fighting.

     Stan Lee: 4 cameos out of 10. As Peter’s field trip bus driver, he delivers one of his best cameo lines: “What’s the matter, kids? You never seen a spaceship before?”

     Charisma: 8.5 points out of 10. This movie has some great themes of love and sacrifice. Multiple times one of the characters is forced to choose between a stone and a loved one (Thor and Loki, Gamora and Nebula, Wanda and Vision, etc.), and nearly every time, they choose their loved one. Thanos believes in sacrifice for the greater good, which is why he was willing to kill Gamora for the soul stone, but the heroes do not. Wanda is the only one who ends up sacrificing the one she loves (Vision) in order to destroy the mind stone, but she only does so under extreme duress and after exhausting every other option first. The running themes are very consistent, though I can’t say you leave the movie feeling good about anything, lol.

In total: 56 out of 65, so an 86%, which is actually higher than its Rotten Tomatoes score of 84%.

And that officially concludes the Great Marvel Rewatch of 2k18!! Thanks for following along, those of you who did! It’s been a fun, emotional, two weeks. Stay tuned for later, follow-up posts featuring a complete rankings list and possibly some other bonus materials! :)

[danganronpa-ea]

Chapter 3 Victim and Blacken Free Time Events

So counting this is spoiler and if you haven’t read chapter 3, then please do ready them before you continue on this, this is a warning!

A world where those that didn’t make it or just couldn’t survive the cruel world get a chance here, A world where things are right… A world where death never happen.

 I had woken up in this garden again as I look around, seeing what has change however I notice now there is one other person in the garden other then me…

 Abiko Benjiro.

 He was sitting across from me, as looking to me with a small smile. “Well, at least I know my death won’t be in vain then…” He spoke, seeming relieved which I sighed. “But even then, you died…” I stated which he went back to a frown.

 “I see… well then, shall we talk? I have quite a bit of time honestly.” He stated which I gave a nod

 Abiko Benjiro’s Free Time Events

 As then me and Abiko-san began to talk quite a bit, the conversation was pretty winded if anything but I couldn’t help but find it relaxing.

 Seems me and Abiko-san grew a bit closer…

 As then I pulled what look to be a set to make tea which I gave it to him. “Huh? You wish for me to have this… thank you.” He stated with a smile on his face as he took it then he cross his arms again.

 I was still a bit worry about him counting how he mention how his 6th sense work and how he gains it which it seems he took notice. “You seem worry for me, don’t you?” He asked which I was surprise he knew that as I nodded.

 “Well I can’t help but be worry, I mean the fact you lost your parents and even one ended up hating you for it is pretty mess up…” I stated which Abiko-san look to the ground. “I could see why you would feel that way, but yet again my relatives did try to understand my situation or feel something towards it…” He spoke which I then notice.

 Abiko-san seems like someone tends to act quite indifferent towards death, is it common. “Say, what job did your parents have?” I asked which He look to me with a straight face. “They took care of a graveyard…” He spoke as I went pale. “A graveyard?! Your family own a graveyard?” I asked surprise by this.

 So it seems that Abiko-san knew of death at quite an early age as he continue. “Well yes, my entire family has some relation to death or even belief in the after life… I even recall one time I got bury by my family without there knowledge when I was three.” He spoke which I couldn’t help but have a look of concern.

 That… doesn’t seem normal at all…

 As then Abiko-san continue on. “Weirdly enough when they got out, I… weirdly wanted to be bury again for some unknown reason.” He spoke as chuckling to himself which I couldn’t help but make this confused face at him.

 Abiko-san’s family is a really odd one or maybe the fact he’s the odd one among his family if anything…

 Abiko Benjiro, Ultimate Ghost Whisperer FTE – 2/5

  –

 It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

 As then me and Abiko-san began to talk quite a bit, the conversation was pretty winded if anything but I couldn’t help but find it relaxing.

 Seems me and Abiko-san grew a bit closer…

 As then I reach into my pocket and found what look to be quite a strange charm, it is say that this charm can make the wearer have better sleep and not hear voices as then I gave it to him which he seem happier. “This… clearly is a nice gift, If your willing to give this to me then I’ll gladly accept without trouble.” He thanked me as he took the item, he look pretty happy about it.

 Maybe it’s a good idea to not ask about Abiko-san’s family at all, I mean this stuff seems way too weird even for me as I figure I ask about something not related to his family…

 “So um, how about school then…?” I asked as Abiko-san look to me with a confused look. “What about it?” He asked in return as I gave a heavy sigh. “I was curious of how school was for you growing up?” I asked again, clearly interested in his past as then he nodded. “I see, your wondering, well for me school was alright – I was never bullied or pick on but I never gain too many friends before being accepted into Hope’s Peak, I tend to be left alone quite a lot but it never bothers me…” he explained as I nodded.

 Finally… something that isn’t related to death it seems, seriously I have to question how one is so use to it?!

 As then he thought it over. “Well, actually one time I did recall during my time of Elementary school a teacher actually kill themselves but I heard her voice and it seems the janitor killed and rape her…” He stated which I went pale once again.

 Spoke too soon…

 I was not sure what to take from this, is this guy really okay which then Benjiro-san look to me. “You… really seem worry for me, Fuji-san.” He spoke which I couldn’t help but be upset.

 “Well yeah – I mean how can you be so use to death at a young age?!” I asked as clearly worried for him. “I mean the fact your use to death, I can’t help but worry for you at times.” I told him as then his face went red for a moment as he looks to the ground, I think I might have hurt him.

 He sighed as then he looks to me. “You see, I didn’t mean to offend or cause harm but honestly, it is the only way for me connect with others…” He stated as he closes his eyes. “I don’t mind that my life was always related to death, was always one to hear the dead or even feeling connected to others seeing as… I could never find a way to connect with people easily.” He stated which I went quiet as then I look down.

 “I see then… I’m sorry for snapping, I mean I was worry that something happens, I guess I tend to speak before I think…” I apologize for that as then he nodded. “Well, it’s fine but still I was surprise that someone does seem to worry for my mental health from the sounds of it so I don’t take any offense to what your saying…” He told me with a small smile.

 It seems that Abiko-san was surprise that someone actually care for him… that’s surprising.

 Abiko Benjiro, Ultimate Ghost Whisperer FTE – 3/5

  –

 It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

 As then me and Abiko-san began to talk quite a bit, the conversation was pretty winded if anything but I couldn’t help but find it relaxing.

 Seems me and Abiko-san grew a bit closer…

 As then I took out what look to be some charm that you can hang by a window to get rid of nightmares as then I gave it to him. “My, what a lovely gift – this will help me get better sleep so thank you.” He told me as he put it away.

 The conversation was quiet as then I thought of something. “So then, counting that you don’t seem bother talking about death or how to handle death easier than others – is there… any death that greatly affected you?” I asked which he seems to wonder that question too. “What death has affected me the most… I guess for me, it would be the first death I’ve ever dealt with that many children likely have…” He spoke which I thought it over.

 What death had affected him the most that most children likely have dealt with…

 - first friend

- grandparent

> pet

 I thought it over then I spoke and say. “I assume you mean a pet, correct? I don’t own one myself but I know pets are common, correct?” I asked which he nodded. “Yep, it was a pet cat I use to own – his name was ‘Eichi’ which he was a black cat with a marking on his forehead, he was pretty young too…” He spoke as fond of it which I nodded.

 “Oh, seems you 2 were pretty close from the sounds of it… what happen?” I asked which he went silent as he closes his eyes. “A couple of kids found him and beated him up, even the ones I told about the kitten told them because she wanted to pull a prank until he wasn’t moving which…” He went quite as his face darken. “I beated them until they stop moving.” He stated which I went silent.

 Did he… did he kill those kids? Counting they hurt Eichi which then Abiko-san look to the ground. “If asking, no they didn’t die but they were sent to the hospital, which counting police couldn’t arrest me due to my young age they sent me to a counciler and they kept saying I was wrong for hurting the kids but… aren’t the kids wrong for hurting an animal?” He stated which I nodded.

 Usually, I heard that kids that hurt small animals tend to turn into killers themselves so if anything, he was defending the kitten which as then he sighed.

 “Personally… I don’t regret what I did to those kids, they had it coming since they were trying to start something with me for petty reasons and even thought I was strange or kept thinking I was born in graves…” He stated with a serious expression, like he enjoys hurting them which I gave a look of concern. “I do get that but you seem to take it personally when they killed Eichi from the sounds of it.” I stated as then Abiko-san went quiet.

 It seems like he was thinking it over. “I guess… to me, life is all equal – all of us die and even if we hate it, we should understand that death is going to happen regardless, it is something I learn at that age that death can happen multiple different ways and even those that die had there reason to die…” He stated as clearly quiet.

 Seems that Abiko-san seems to understand that as then I nodded. “I do get that but honestly, I do think that there are people that do care for you and even want you to live on with the others… right?” I asked as then he nodded. “I… have notice that, I notice those that have died did it for others and even those that sacrifice themselves to save others are… truly noble to me.” He stated which I was surprise.

 So he finds people that sacrifice themselves to save another truly noble… I could truly get that a bit.

 Abiko Benjiro, Ultimate Ghost Whisperer FTE – 4/5

  –

 It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

 As then me and Abiko-san began to talk quite a bit, the conversation was pretty winded if anything but I couldn’t help but find it relaxing.

 Seems me and Abiko-san grew a bit closer…

 As then I took out a water bottle as I gave it to Abiko-san who took it. “Thank you, I really do need this so… thank you.” He thanked me as putting it away as then he crosses his arms.

 “Fuji-san, I will say… that I’m surprise you wish to spend time with someone like me.” He commented as I blinked. “Really? Well I figure I try to spend time with the others as I can since I want all of us to get along – which that includes you as well.” I told him with a straight expression.

 Then his face went red again. “I see… well, then thank you for spending time with me then, I won’t deny that I do creep people out and often find myself hard to connect with others but hearing you say that, I can’t help but feel happy to know someone does care for me.” He stated.

 As then Abiko-san took my hand and gave a soft smile once more. “I… can’t say I’m best when it comes to how I feel about a person but I do feel a strange connection with you, someone that seems to try and be around me, even worry for me and let me speak about my past; you… truly do care for the others I take it.” He told me which I felt my face go red for a moment as I look to the ground.

 I… felt my heart beating pretty quickly as he complimented me. “Wow, I’m surprise you felt that way so thank you very much…” I thanked him as then Benjiro-san let go of my hand then he spoke as he continues.

 “I think… you speaking with me made me realize how much I matter as a person and someone that should matter, I can’t help but feel happy when I talk with you so… thank you once again.”

 He told me as then I smile back at him, I think for the most part I really did understand Benjiro-san as I felt a strong bond between him and myself forming.

 As then me and Benjiro-san started talking about other things and even started to speak of more personal matters which I felt I could trust him with a anything!

 I really hope this bond never breaks…

 Abiko Benjiro, Ultimate Ghost Whisperer FTE – 5/5

 Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Abiko Benjiro; give yourself a pat on the back!

 After that we spend a bit more time with each other and suddenly things went quiet, I… think this truly where I’ve been the calmest honestly…

 However, I knew… that with his passing as he disappears and I was left alone, I knew that he was dead and he could never feel that way but I knew for certain… his death won’t be in vain, I am sure of that and respect him for that.

 After that I got up as I took my leave as I notice Hamoponi look at him. “Seems your finish up, how was it?” He asked as I smiled. “Been pretty well, I think… despite the fact he died, I think he would want us to move forward.” I stated as he gave a nod.

 “Right of course, you… seem to connect with this person I take it; I can see why… well, time for bed now.” He stated as I nodded as taking my leave – getting ready for tomorrow.

[trueloveforeverbeautyandthebeast]

Live Blog for Game Of Thrones 7x06 "Beyond The Wall"

# Tormund freaking Gendry out making him think that he wants to have sex with him # "smart people don't come here looking for the dead" lol Tormund has a point, this is a terrible plan # Tormund admitting Mance was wrong not to kneel repeating very similar words Dany spoke a couple of episodes ago to Jon # He was a good man, he deserved a better son :( poor Jorah, you made mistakes but you are now someone he would be proud of # poor Gendry, stands no chance arguing with the hound # Jon being a sweetheart and offering his sword to Jorah # I love Dany's northern boys bonding :) # I broke my fathers heart, your killing me Jorah :(  # "It will serve you well and your children after you" wink wink # Arya speaking about how unfair it was to be a girl in a man's world but her father was still proud of her being different, I love that # God I understand both girls, I know how much they both loved Ned and Arya would have rather died than write that letter but at the same time Sansa was manipulated into believing it was the only way to save her father from being killed so of course she wrote it # Come now Sansa I know your angry and yes the vale helped win the battle but they would of never won the battle on their own without Jon, Wun Wun, House Mormont and the Wildlings # "you never would have survived what I survived" neither girls could have survived each others situations and both suffered differently but greatly # Arya cutting to the root of Sansa's fear knowing she doesn't want the northern lords to read her letter #damn Iceland is beautiful # Gingers I hate, lol Sandor I wonder if he still thinks of Sansa # Dick I like it lol # I want to make babies with her lol # "does she want to carve you up and eat your liver" "you do know her" lol # Beric trying to convert Jon to the Lord Of Light and Jon not being interested # Excuse me Beric, are you saying Jon will never be happy because his being brought back. I hope your bloody wrong # Tyrion not happy at not being called a hero # Dany telling Tyrion she's happy his not a hero because she doesn't want him to die. Aww :) # "they all try to outdo each other, who can do the stupidest bravest thing" Dany you too are in that list lol # Haha Tyrion telling Dany all the heroes fall in love with her and Dany vemently denying it # "I suppose he stares at you longingly because his hoping for a successful military alliance" omg I love Tyrion # "his too little for me" lol Dany coming up with lame excuses to deny her feelings # "I know your brave" aww massive feels # lol Tyrion and Jamie promising to keep their girls well behaved, like they could # I'm not sure I'd call Dany impulsive, passionate maybe due to her keeping her emotions bottled up but executing the Tarly's to me was not impulsive, she didn't see another option though they could of taken the black but denied it # Tyrion trying to instruct Dany on the importance of understanding her enemies to better predict them, good advice # Yep Dany and Tyrion are most definitely going forward with breaking the wheel, I wish we knew the details # Dany lashing out after Tyrion brings up the very sensitive subject of a heir, Tyrion not realizing how much Dany yearns for a human child in her arms # god damn those polar bears are terrifying # someone bloody save Thoros! Go Jorah, poetic The bear kills the wight bear # Littlefinger you liar # Sansa stating how shit the northern lords are # "I don't know her anymore" that's sad # Jorah and Thoros talking about the siege of Pyke and Thoros doesn't even remember he was so drunk lol # hey get your hands off Jorah's throat! # Damn Jon kicking ass, killing a white walker. Your doing amazing sweetie! # wow the wildlings are like vampires, kill the sire and the underlings die # omg shut it up, it'll get others # ouch poor Sandor, at least it isn't a normal zombie otherwise he'd be doomed # Jon knowing bad shit is about to go down so he orders his new bro Gendry to write his future wife a letter to save them # Jorah being the first to realize they are on a frozen lake # Yes fall into the lake you bloody zombies # Run bloody faster Gendry # Concerned daddy Davos :) # Poor Thoros :(  # Jon taking The Hound's drink to burn Thoros body lol I see you show putting Jon on a elevated spot to make him look as tall as The Hound ;) # Jorah being the one to point out the sire white walker dies, the wights he makes die. Damn my brave bear is so smart # "Daenerys is our only chance" aww # Beric pointing out if they kill the night king the war will be over # Sansa gets invited to Kings Landing and is all "hell no, never going back to that dump full of horror again" # Damn right Sansa, you need to stay and help prepare for the north. I don't really think Arya or Bran have any desire to manage the north if she left. # Brienne worrying over Sansa :) # Sansa being a Braime shipper, I love it # wouldn't call Winterfell the safest place Sansa as when the white walkers breach the wall Winterfell will be one of the first places they go # Sansa being cold to Brienne :( Brienne only wants you to be safe Sansa # "the most important person in the world can't fly off to the most dangerous place in the world" so here for protective Tyrion # omg that dress is so beautiful, best dress I've ever seen in game if thrones. The pureness of the white, the almost dragon scales, the vibrant gold down the back and yet still being practical enough to have room to wear riding pants # Tyrion willing the risk the deaths of Jon/Jorah and co if Dany stays safe # "If you die, we're all lost...everyone, everything" :( # Dany being the impulsive hero she said Jorah and Jon are # Tyrion on the verge of tears :( # Sandor you bloody idiot, you just gave your only defense away out of anger # oh no the lake has completely frozen over :( # yes Jorah, keep kicking ass # Jorah saving Jon! :) # Jon very protective of their captured wight lol # where the hell are you gonna fall back to Jon your surrounded in the middle of a lake # come on guys bloody save Tormund # Yes Sandor the hero, that's what I'm talking about # loved Jon's little spin of his sword # poor nameless wildling being torn apart by a wight horde while Jon watches # Jon looks so defeated like his accepted his gonna die :( # here comes Jon's wifey with her dragons and epic music # Wow the graphics of Ice and Fire look so epic, burn them all! # Dany looking like a beautiful warrior queen atop Drogon # Jon staring up at Dany in awe # Jon pushing past all the taller guys like Tormund to get closer to Dany :) # Jon and Dany reaching for each others hands desperate to touch each other ;) # All the guys climbing up on Drogon while Jon stays fighting and Jorah calls for him # omg Sandor impaling the wight on one of Drogon's spikes lol # Tormund looks shook staring at Dany # Dany looking back at Jon, going hurry up bae # omg No, Viserion screaming in pain as the Night Kings magical staff destroys his insides 😧😧😭😭 # Dany watching her baby fall from the sky and die, not believing what she's seeing😭😭 # omg Drogon crying and Rhaegal trying to follow Viserion😭😭😭 # Viserion's beautiful golden eyes closing😭😭😫 # I can't believe Viserion is dead, he was by far the sweetest. He was the smallest, most gentle dragon who was the most affectionate and in the books didn't have a desire to hunt like his brothers instead wanted to curl up to his mother and have his belly rubbed😭😭😭😭 # Everyone looking in horror at what happened and Jorah looking at Dany knowing this is destroying her😭😭😭 # Jon turning and fighting in so much anger knowing one Dany's children are dead and giving the Night King the evil eyes # Jon knowing they plan on killing more of Dany's children and willing to sacrifice himself so they can all get away😱😱😭 # Dany watching Jon, someone else she loves going down in the lake😭😭😭 # Dany giving the Night King evil eyes before she gets the hell out of there # Drogon being smart and learning from field of fire 2.0 to swerve to avoid being hit # Jorah falling off Drogon before Tormund saves him # Dany looking down holding back her tears for Jon and Viserion knowing she has too much responsibility to break down😭😭😭 # omg Jon is alive! Go baby, saying that though multiple people have almost drown in this show but none have died # Benjen saving Jon from certain death with his incredible fire swinging cannon ball # Jon being so shocked to see his uncle and wanting him to come with him :( # Jon seemingly watching as Benjen is overrun but with this show who knows😭😭 # Dany looking so crushed but wanting to wait a little longer holding on to a slither of hope that she hasn't lost two special someone's she cares for😭😭😭😭😭😭  #Dany about to leave before the horn blows once and sees Jon on a horse # Dany looking in horror as Davos and the others strip Jon of his wet clothes showing his black and blue bruised body and all his unhealed scars knowing Davos was right and he really took a knife in a knife in the heart😱😱 # yuck Arya, having a bag full of faces is really unhygienic that's not what the house of black and white taught you😷😷 # damn Arya, you sure know how to creep the hell out of your sister # poor Sansa, she doesn't understand her younger siblings. Bran being the three eyed raven, Arya being a faceless assassin # Sansa not wanting to play Arya's game of faces just wanting to know what the hell is going on # "the world doesn't let girls decide what they're going to be" damn that is so true in Westeros😒😒 # Jesus Arya, are you screwing with your sister and playing the game of faces for yourself. I seriously doubt Arya would have any desire to be like Sansa or kill her sister for that matter. # wow Sansa seriously thought Arya was gonna hurt her # I wonder how long Dany has been there, with her change of hair and clothes I'm guessing it's been a few days. Has she been taking shifts or been there the entire time I wonder # "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Dany trying to hold back her tears😭😭😭 # oh wow Jon taking her hand wanting to comfort her even though his suffering too😭😍😭😍 # Even though Dany lost her child, she doesn't regret it knowing she had to see the white walkers for herself😞😖 # "the dragons are my children... They're the only children I'll ever have" Dany you are breaking my heart and I hope your wrong😭😭 # "we are going to destroy the night king and his army and we'll do it together. You have my word" oh Dany your killing me😭😭😭 # "Thank you Dany" damn Jon already starting with the nicknames😏😏 # "how about my queen" omg Jon's voice is pure sex when he says that. The way his looking at her, that voice no way he means that as just his fealty😍😍😏😏 # "They'll all come to see you for what you are" omg Jon your killing me😍😭😍😭 # the way slowly puts her hand in his and Jon looks down at their joined hands😍😍😍 # "I hope I deserve it" book/S1 Dany finally coming out and it's breaking my heart😍😍😭😭😭 # The way Jon is looking at her omg 😍😍 # the way the feelings overwhelm Dany and she tries to pull away but Jon holds on to her tighter omg and just stares into her eyes with so much love 😍😍😍 # Dany knowing right then how they both feel about each other and pulling away and Jon's look and breath of utter disappointment # Jon's heavy breath as he pretends to sleep as Dany composes herself and leaves then his heavy breath as he opens his eyes once she's gone😍😍😍 # what the hell are they doing to Viserion, let his soul rest in peace😠😠😠 # don't touch him asshole😠😠 # oh no poor Viserion, his one of them now and the only way I can see this ending is Dany being forced to kill him to let his soul rest like she did with Drogo😭😭😭😵😵 #Viserion deserved better! 😭😭

[aheartbrokenmind]

04-24-2020

Amy,

I have been constantly thinking about and losing sleep over that last letter I sent you. I am worried that I may have been too harsh on you. Not too harsh in the sense that they weren't things that needed to be said, but in the sense that it was heavily skewed negatively. I suppose it was just a reflection of my mood on that particular day and I don't regret saying what was said because it is all how I felt. However, that was a very miniscule fraction of the things I feel for you and unfortunately I feel that most of the things packed into that letter came from a place of spite.

I know the years of distance between us have been unbelievably hard on you. I have felt that too. In reality it is probably a superhuman feat on both of our parts that we made it as far as we did. Maybe I am just overly hopeful or was being unrealistic, but I truly believed we were going to make it to the finish line. The happily ever after. That is probably the main reason I went and had the engagement ring made. I felt like I could see the finish line. You were going to do one more year in Japan and then we would be planning and working on me getting a Scottish visa so we would finally live in the same place, together. I see now that maybe that finish line wasn't quite in sight for you. Maybe I misread all of our conversations about the future and marriage, or maybe a fog rolled into your mind and obscured your view of the finish line, I can't really say. Perhaps it was our conversation about my student debt that made you feel like the finish line had been picked up and moved ten more miles away when you were already exhausted and near collapse. I wish we would have communicated better. The fault falls on both of us for that. If I had known how badly you were struggling I would have done every single thing in my power to carry you over that line, no matter how close to exhaustion I was myself.

I keep wondering now, or maybe it is hope, that if we continue down these separate paths and I end up in Scotland what will happen. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that wasn't desperately hoping that you will find your way back into my arms, and I into your heart. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'd go to the ends of the earth just for the chance to feel your love again. That hope is not the only reason I want to end up in Scotland, I don't have enough paper to list all of those, but it is certainly one of them. Maybe when I end up there you will believe in me again. Believe in us again.

I know there had to be so many things going through your head before you made this decision and many that have continued after. Maybe I am guilty of holding you in such high regard or putting you up on such a high pedestal that I failed to see you being eaten alive. You're such a determined, strong, and fiercely independent woman that it was hard for me to believe that you'd ever quit or need a break. I can't blame anyone but myself for that. Those things have always been some of the things I loved about you most, but I should not have allowed them to blind me of your fragility. We are all fragile in our own ways and sometimes there is no strengthening those brittle pieces on our own. Sometimes the best that we can do is find someone who will protect those pieces of us or put the pieces back together when they shatter. Everyone needs help from time to time. Everyone needs a rest. I wish I would have been your help, your safe harbor, even if it took me dragging you into port myself. Unfortunately now I'm afraid we may both be lost at sea.

I still don't believe that the person you have been over the past couple years is the person you truly are. I think it has been you trying to protect yourself and in some ways trying to protect me during an unbelievably trying time in your life. I can't hate you for that. Honestly, it is probably the rational and smart thing to do. There is almost nothing about our relationship that has been rational or conventional from the beginning. It's been hard, everyone always telling us we're crazy. I'm not even sure they were totally wrong. I was, and still am, crazy about you. You are all and more than I had ever hoped for or could have possibly imagined. No matter where the road led us as individuals or as a pair I just knew you'd be the best at it. The best writer or lawyer. Perhaps both. The best friend I've ever had. The best partner for adventures I could ever ask for. The best girlfriend. The best mother to our future dogs. Someone who is constantly striving to make the world a better place. The best wife if we decided to get married someday and the best mother to our children if we wanted to have them. I know we talked about those things quite often and I’m not sure your mind was ever made up on them. I hope you know that on either of those massive decisions, I would have been completely happy with whatever you decided. If you decided you wanted to marry me I would have tried to be the best husband I could possibly be. If you had decided you wanted children I would have tried to be the best possible father to them that I could. If you had decided you didn’t want either of those things I would have loved you just the same and tried to be the best lover and companion you could hope for. I suppose that is why I feel so lost now. Every single combination of possible future plans that I had all came back to you. You, loving you, and making you as happy as possible was my goal.

I have thought a lot about the ring. I keep trying to figure out if I just completely misunderstood your intentions or dreams. I remember talking about marriage many different times. There were times where you mentioned just going to the courthouse and making it official so we would have an easier time living in the same country. We talked about just running away and having a ceremony with just the two of us. We talked about having a small ceremony and who our maid of honor and best man would be. There were times where you didn’t seem totally interested in the idea of marriage. There were multiple times that you mentioned not wanting to just get married so we could live in the same country, you wanted it to mean something. I guess maybe that is why I had the ring made. I didn’t want you to sacrifice the wedding of your dreams, whatever that might be, just so it was easier for one of us to get a visa. In all reality I didn’t even intend the ring as a guarantee that we would get married. I just meant it to show you how much I believed in you, and how much I believed in our future together. Obviously, my plans to propose didn’t go as planned at all, and I’m sorry that it caught you so off guard. I guess maybe it’s a good thing in the end. I would have hated to make you feel obligated to tell me yes and it probably would have crushed me to be told no. As chaotic as all of that was, perhaps it was for the best. I’m sorry if I misunderstood what you saw in your future, maybe I was blinded by the hope that what you saw was me.

I have talked to very few people about any of this, but I’m almost certain that the ones that I have probably think I’m pathetic. They don’t understand why I can’t just move on, why I can’t worry about and take care of myself. They keep saying in time I’ll forget about you and I’ll find someone else. That may all be true eventually, it’s hard to say. Right now however, I feel like half of me has just been ripped away. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I gave too much of myself to you. Maybe I centered my life too much around us and our future together. The truth is I believed in you so much, and still do. From the moment I met you, there was just something about you that made me want to believe in you. I was so willing to give everything I had to you, all of my pieces, because there was never a doubt in my mind that you were the one for me and that we would achieve our future. I believed that you and I, together, were unstoppable. Now you’re gone. You’ve taken all of those pieces of me with you and I’m left here fumbling around with the few random broken pieces that are left, trying to put together some kind of life with it. The truth is I’m finding it very hard to love myself without you. You made me better and want to be better. I loved the man you made me. Truthfully I think I always knew you were the more independent of the two of us. I knew you would always be the more okay of us if we went our separate ways. I never even really thought about it before now because I had so much trust in you. I guess now it’s pretty clear that I was right, you seem to be doing okay at least, and will probably move on from this far sooner than I will. I don’t think moving on will happen anytime soon for me. For right now there still seems like a shred of hope that keeps me holding on. Holding on to the hopeless hope that you will turn around and come back to me. Please just turn around. Come back.

If you decide to keep walking, just know, that no matter how far you go, there will always be a piece of you with me. I hope you save one of those pieces of me that you took as well.

Love you always,

Brian