#I’m so tired it’s hurting my heart

[the-bottom-of-my-bucket]

Yeah let’s got to bed at 12 am when you gotta be up by four and out the door by 5 am??!

[izuizzy]

I’m always drawing him in pain so have an AU where he’s actually good and his smile is actually PRECIOUS

[kingdomhearts-and-soriku-trash]

Something that without fail always makes me cry about Soriku is when I think about Riku’s feelings post KH 3, and other times when he’s separated from Sora, and the time when Sora is missing. Like, I think about Sora’s emotions and turmoil when he has his memory problems, he’s separated from Riku and he’s desperately trying to get back to him, and think about everything he goes through in all the KH games.

But then Riku comes into my mind, and specifically the post KH 3. Like…I just imagine Riku is so worried and desperate just like Sora was in KH 2, possibly even more. I always imagine that Riku and Sora knew, before the whole KH story began, where each other were at almost all times. They were best friends since they were little, and they were together very often even when Kairi joined them. If they weren’t together, they at least knew where they would be or had a good guess.

And they weren’t apart for long either. Maybe a day AT MOST.

But then the whole KH series happens, and they’re apart for so long and filled with tension, BUT I feel like Riku knew where Sora was, especially since they kept running into each other. And then I just think about Riku’s headspace in 358/2 Days since, like, once again Riku knows where Sora is. He’s sleeping and is in a safe place that Riku can reach if he feels like something is wrong. Going back a little, even in CoM he knew Sora was in the castle when he was there as well. He just had to find him. He knew where he was. That was good enough.

KH 2? He knew where he was and helped him and they FINALLY reunited. I feel like Riku didn’t show it much, but he felt such relief, excitement, love and SO many other emotions. It’s overwhelming, but he hides it because he has to. At least he feels that way then.

But anyways then DDD happens and Riku kinda knows where Sora is. He’s in dreams and it’s all confusing, but eventually he learns where he is and knows what’s wrong (from what I remember but I may be wrong). They were separated at first, but they KNEW they were together at the same time, so there wasn’t much worry or fear. They literally talk about each other 24/7 and certain problems get fixed BECAUSE OF THE OTHER ONE COMMUNICATING AND HELPING THE OTHER. And then the ending of KH 3 happens. And it hurts (massively) to think about how this is one of the few times in Riku’s life, that he doesn’t know where Sora is.

He doesn’t know where he is, and it eats at him.

I think about their connection with their hearts and Riku’s dream eater symbol. A constant reminder that Sora is dreaming whether it be good or bad. If he’s dreaming, then he’s alive. He’s somewhere and he will find him. He won’t stop until he finds him, and though the mark hurts at times, because of nightmares, it brings a sort of comfort. If he’s dreaming, then he’s alive. He must be. And then their connection in his heart is still there. It’s not as strong as it once was, since I believe with everything going on it’s definitely stressed, but its. Still. There.

So he must be somewhere.

And once again thinking about the dream eater symbol, I’ve always seen it as burning when Sora is having a nightmare. And so I feel even more sad for Riku because he KNOWS he’s hurting, it keeps him up on certain nights from the pain, and he can’t help. This is the time when he wants to help (unlike KH 1), when it is literally a craving and NEED for him, but he can’t. He puts in the effort to help without being there physically, but the burning feeling doesn’t go away, so he’s still suffering.

The only moments I feel like Riku would feel some peace is when the DE (dream eater) symbol feels…cool. Like it gives him a cold feeling but not freezing. It just feels cool and nice, so he knows he’s having a good dream and not a nightmare. For that time, he knows he’s okay. Or maybe not okay, but having peace for a moment. But still, he doesn’t know where he specifically is. He cannot simply call him on the phone and talk and see his face line he did in KH 3 when he and Mickey were in Radiant Gardens.

I imagine this genuinely hurting Riku bc ofc they get back together finally and are facing some of their problems, only to be pulled apart AGAIN, and both suffering in their own ways and adding to the trauma they both already have. I imagine this separation making him push himself to his limit, and possibly over it, using his abilities and any keyblade powers in the desperate hope of finding him. But it doesn’t work. It feels hopeless. I haven’t played Re:mind or the Symphony game (I can’t remember the name rn it’s literally 2 AM), so I’m missing some lore ik, but still these plague my mind.

And then another sad headcannon/idea I toss in my head late at night or at work is the possibility of their connection being broken suddenly, since I’ve seen theories for that. Their connection is strained and then it suddenly snaps. He no longer feels a burning pain or cool feeling from the DE symbol reacting to Sora’s dreams, and he doesn’t feel that pull in his heart anymore. He thought he would feel relief when the mark didn’t burn anymore at times, but now he wished IT DID. With that pain, like I’ve said, he knew he was alive.

But now a haunting and cruel thought is in his mind. A possibility that he doesn’t want to accept. If he’s not dreaming, then he might be dead. No dreams or nightmares? At all? Not like Sora. Not like any person. At least a LIVING person. So that thought haunts him on his late nights or when he’s pushed himself past his limit, once again out of the MANY times I feel like he would, and he’s not thinking straight and it hurts. His chest is tight, he’s slowly starting to hyperventilate when he sits in bed at night, his head hurts from working too hard, and then his pillow is covered in tears because he can’t stop them anymore, and then his head hurts WORSE because of the tears and the sadness he literally can’t hold back anymore.

He’s faced hurt before, he’s faced things he feared…but this one thing he refuses to face. He won’t accept it, not until he sees Sora’s body for himself, not until he feels the warmth from Sora gone completely. His light snuffed out like a mere candle.

He won’t accept it. He won’t face it. I feel like the thought of Sora being dead or severely hurt to the point where their connection is broken, is a fear and hurt that Riku won’t face for awhile. He’s strong, we know that duh (and Sora is too), but still. He’s faced the darkness, he’s faced Ansem, he’s fought everything that’s scared him head on…but this is something he can’t fight. He just has to let it sit in the deep part of his heart and eat at him until he finds Sora and tells himself that he’s there. He found him AGAIN.

He knows where he is, and Sora knows where Riku is. Finally. Their connection can heal, they both can help each other and open up more, finally go home, or at least someplace safe. Because honestly where is home for them anymore? Thats a problem to face in the future.

Because he’ll find him. Because he’s not dead or completely lost. He’s out there, and Riku knows it. That has to be it, right? He has to be alive. Sora wouldn’t give up or give in so easily, he’s literally bested death before. He can’t be truly gone…right?

[lunaelume-n]

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[foldingfittedsheets]

Fuuuuuck. My betrothed has early clinic shifts and gets up at 5am. They walk the puppy then crate him again for me to feed when I get up at 8.

Woke up to his frantic whining at 7 this morning and when I came down his nose was actively bleeding from the crate. Yesterday definitely worsened the separation anxiety and we aren’t sure how to move forward if he hurts himself in his crate…

[bunveh]

kicks rocks ..

[closedrop]

I drew this with a mouse, be amazed tumblr users!

As a nice bonus I shall also include some goofy Vash images

[loveinsomesacredplace]

the disregard for Belly’s happiness is something I expect from the other side, but is so disappointing when it’s your own fandom

the fear/expectation that Jere’s character is going to be dismantled and denying that because you know the show has a narrative to push but not saying a word about the potential destruction of Belly’s character to further said narrative and expecting it of her because she broke Jere’s heart in season 1 - and not considering, oh this is fucking bad writing too

The DISCONNECT

Show Belly, I’ll always love you, and that C endgame is not it for you

[jancysmixtape]

It really upsets me, when people try to make Nancy out to be the bad one, in the bathroom scene. She has seen so much, and lost one of the most important people in her life. She did the best she could, trying to get people to listen, and look for Barb, but not many people did.

She knows her best friend is dead, and she hears Barb’s family are selling their house to go find her because they believe she’s out there alive. She’s not able to tell them the truth, that she’s actually gone. The pain that must feel has to be unbearable. Nancy thinks she is the reason why Barb is gone. She believes she killed her. And knowing that her last conversation with her wasn’t good and she ended up telling her to leave. That is one of the most painful things to go through. She wasn’t able to say goodbye either. She’s being told to party and be like stupid teenagers (this is not a post attacking Steve so do not make it one, please), while she probably cries herself to sleep most nights due to the pain of losing her best friend and fully knowing she is gone and never coming back. I will never understand anyone who can say she was gross, in this scene, when she has been through so much and was obviously in a very vulnerable state. She hasn’t been okay in a year, spending time with her best friend’s grieving family, having these thoughts that she killed her. Nancy Wheeler is not a villain. She is not a bad person. She is not a terrible girlfriend. She was a girl dealing w extreme amounts of trauma and didn’t have any good coping mechanisms. She thought she was the reason for her best friend’s death and thought nobody was listening.

[mando-forgive-me]

Still single. Still hating it. Still afraid it’ll never change.

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

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[prussianbluevelvet]

I am so traumatised by all the extreme pro-rape and pro-violence content coming from so-called ‘leftists’ on this website, in response to the war. Celebrating brutality and war crimes against ANY civilians or anyone, really, is unhinged. I don’t care WHAT or who a person is, rape and torture are NEVER acceptable. Y’all just love watching bloodshed, and cheering on the carnage while sitting in ur cozy lil western homes, away from all the suffering. NONE OF YOU ARE LEFTISTS at all. Y’all are literally cheering on a fucking TERRORIST organisation that actively oppresses Palestinian women and minorities… I’m speechless. Nobody is going to ‘win’ this conflict. The whole situation is a dumpster fire of suffering. I’m tempted to spend all day just… knitting to destress but I’m so devastated and worked up from all this nonsense. Y’all are addicted to senseless violence and it’s really showing just how rotten the ‘leftist’ community really is. This is not a fucking YA dystopian fiction novel, these are real fucking people losing their lives and homes. Stop glorifying war.

[screaming--agony]

Dear Diary,

I experience crippling anxiety on a daily basis. Some times I don’t lead on that anything is wrong because I hate being a burden. When I do let someone in I feel like I’m a burden and a problem. It feels endless. The intrusive thoughts are suffocating and I feel like I’m drowning. There’s nothing I can do except endure and hope it doesn’t end disastrous. If you think the moments I do open up are bad, then I guess it’s a good thing I keep my mouth shut the rest of the time.

[magpie-to-the-morning]

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[dancing-with-stars]

i am losing my mind

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on