#I’m so sick of being disrespected | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jj-one · 4 months ago

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ೀ⋆ HOW COULD YOU BE SO RECKLESS WITH MY HEART ?!

[ . . . when they find out you were cheating on them ]

this is smut, do not interact if under 18

pairing: skz x fem!reader, established relationship genre/tags: smut, angst, crying, begging, punishments, spanking, oral (m & f receiving), choking, manhandling, heavy degradation, humiliation, cuckolding, recording/taking photos (?), voyeurism, piv, rough sex (lmk if i missed anything else!) words: 5.9k

[ note. ] heyyy, i’m back >:3 there’s no explanation for this other than i love angst and whenever i see cheating fics it’s never the reader cheating on them so i wanted to be messy and do this sjhgsjsk, i’m in no way endorsing this type of behavior— it’s for fictional purposes only !!

𖥔 ݁ ˖ Bang Chan

He didn’t know who he was more angry with, you or the son of a bitch who attempted even sliding in your DMs. The fact you accepted the prick’s message and entertained his flirtatious advances tipped him off the edge even further. It didn’t matter if you had zero intention on meeting up or not, it was the principle of it all, though it may not have been physical, emotional cheating still counts as cheating in his book. He felt beyond disrespected by what you did— had the roles been reversed and you found out he was texting other women in such a nature, there’d be hell to pay on his side within a heartbeat. He couldn’t focus much in the studio with a million thoughts burdening his mind, a sudden wave of insecurities come flooding in— was he simply not good enough for you? The realization of you talking to another guy made him feel sick to his stomach, he needed to address it with you before all this anxiety eats him to the core.

“Channie baby!” You rush towards him with open arms when he arrives back home, his black t-shirt felt slightly damp from the rain. “Did you walk home? You’re soaked! I can run you a warm bath an-”

“Nah, I’m good actually.” Chan quickly cuts you off, walking towards the kitchen. He didn’t bother to hug you back when you attempted to either, this was so unlike him which causes you to question his dodgy behavior in more detail.

“Long day at work huh?” You pry some more, doing anything you can to get him to say something.

“Yeah, guess you could say that.” He shrugs, still unbothered by your overall presence. That’s when you decide to come out with it and stop settling for his little mind games.

“Seriously, what’s up with you? Why is it whenever you have a problem you never want to talk it out? You’re always so reclusive and that’s what drives me away so much!” That last part didn’t mean to slip out but sometimes it’s good to hear harsh critique from your partner.

“Oh so that’s what it is? Me being gone for so long makes you wanna fuck around and go talking to other guys for fun? You’re not as sneaky as you think y/n, I know everything you do behind my back.” Chan was more than pissed at this point, he was livid, this was the highest level of betrayal you could achieve. There was no witty rebuttal you could come up with this time, only true remorse for your actions, it didn’t hit you until now that you he considers you as a cheater.

“Ch-channie, you know I w-wouldn’t do anything to hurt you… swear on my life! Just wanna make you happy.” You croak, being falsely accused of something you’re not was devastating— especially coming from him.

“You want to know what’ll make me happy then?” Chan’s voice gets lower, creeping his hands up around your neck. You look up in curiosity with big doe eyes, “W-what?”

“Get on your knees and let me use your face as my personal cum rag, then maybe, just maybe I’ll even consider giving you the satisfaction of my humble forgiveness. That’s only if I’m pleased with how well you take my cock in that whorish mouth of yours.” His merciless demands sent shivers through your body, but you comply to his order, willing to do anything he asks to mend your wrongdoings.

As your legs coil down to land on your knees, you come face to face with the outline of his cock through his gray sweatpants. You immediately went in to palm his erection but he angrily swats you away, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, always so eager to touch someone’s cock, so fucking dirty.. M’gonna teach you a little lesson on what happens to sluts like you, only thinking about dick, that’s all that lives in your mind huh?” He continues to taunt you, belittle you like you were nothing. In retrospect this was supposed to be a “punishment” however, you were enjoying every minute of it. His hand travels up to your chin, propping your face up slightly, grazing his fingers over your bottom lip— noticing a few tears well up in the corner of your eyes.

“Yeah, cry as much as you want honey, it’s not going to get you anywhere here. I’ll just use them as lube to make the pain less prominent for you while you take me further down your throat. You’re gonna wish you had never fucking tried some shit like that again sweetheart.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Lee Know

“Minho, please it’s not what you thi-”

“Oh cut the fucking sob story and save the crocodile tears y/n! I know what I fucking saw, I’m not going to let you gaslight me into this one again.” Minho spat harshly, looking at you as if you were scum beneath him.

You know you fucked up royally, you know this is probably the end of your relationship but at this point you had nothing left to lose; doing everything you could to salvage any bit of sympathy out of him.

“It was just a kiss, it didn’t mean anything I swear! Wooyoung came onto me first!” You weren’t helping your case much, the fact you were still blaming everyone but yourself was astounding to Minho.

“And where’s your accountability in all this huh? You really expect me to believe that he coerced you into making out with him and not a single thought about you having a boyfriend crossed your mind? Must’ve thought I was born yesterday or some shit.” Minho expresses with utter disgust, “did you enjoy kissing that fucking bastard? Was he better at it than me? How many other guys have you sucked face with while I was gone? I bet you there’s so many you can’t even count, can’t believe I wasted all my time with someone as shameless as you are.” His degrading words were more than deserving, you kissed one of his friends and now that he’s found out he’s going to make you pay in a less than permissive way.

Heavy streams of tears roll down your cheeks as you mewl out in pain mixed with ample pleasure, crying out to Minho as he leaves several brute spankings to your rear, leaving your body in a beautifully bruised red state. “Nnngh!” You’d whine as his hand produces another harsh smack to your ass, hips involuntarily jolting forward from the sudden unexpected impact.

“That’s number 23 so far, almost halfway to 50.” He snickered, kneading the overly sensitive flesh. “Better be lucky this is just my hand and not a belt.” After a while of toying with you, it didn’t take long for him to get bored of that idea. Instead, he shifts you on your back now— ordering you to spread your legs far out for him. His hot breath permeating chills down your body, as he inches closer to your face, his lips brushed against yours causing you to pucker but he pulls away.

“Tch, you really think I’m gonna kiss that filthy mouth of yours? You’re gonna have to wash it out with soap before I even think of doing some shit like that.”

More tears fall out as you bear his cruel words, though what you did was morally flawed, his unrelenting demeanor was enough to scare you out of ever thinking of wanting another man. You kept profusely apologizing over and over again, repeating the same lines like a broken record, it was highly pathetic of you; he even chuckled at your sad efforts to be forgiven.

“You keep on saying you’re sorry yet I don’t believe a single word you say.” He cocks his head to the side in amusement, “I just wonder if this was your plan to begin with, to get me all hot and bothered over you. Was this all worth it for you? Seeing me worked up like this? You truly are a sick, twisted individual.” You nervously gulp at his harsh tone, pondering the vicious grin that’s plastered on his face. Nothing could’ve prepared you for what’s soon to come.

“Want to act like a whore then you’ll get treated as such. I’m gonna relish in the fact that I have full control over you, I’m going to enjoy edging you until you can’t physically take it anymore. You can scream and shout to your hearts fullest content but I’ll drown out every bit of it, I’m going to give you pure hell all night.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Changbin

What you had with Changbin was toxic yet you couldn’t seem to escape his hold no matter how hard you tried. When he gets jealous he turns into an absolute menace when in bed with you, as if something otherworldly possessed him to act in such a way. Sex with him is great, almost too good to be true at times, but when he gets angry it’s filled with even more hasty passion— you can’t get enough of it. Your relationship over the course of 8 months have been nothing but turbulent, breaking up and getting back together constantly since you two butt heads a lot, he’s got a stubborn attitude and your smart mouth combined with that is a disaster waiting to spew. But when you’re both on a “break” you still can’t stay away from each other, even if you go around seeing other people you find yourself in Changbin’s bed every night, acting as if you weren’t just telling him to fuck off earlier.

“I heard from one of the guys you fucked Chan, if you’re gonna be a cheating skank at least don’t choose one of my friends.” He gripes, the judgmental glare he’s giving you left you with clear discomfort.

“What is to you if I did fuck him anyway? We’re not even together right now, you have no room to even be upset with me!” You spoke defensively, trying not to let him think his insults were getting to you.

He rolls his eyes in response, he wasn’t having any of it. If it was anyone else but Chan he probably wouldn’t have been as mad, but you went too far this time and now he’s going to show who has true ownership over you.

“You’re just never satisfied with having only guy in your life, always wanting more ‘cause you’re such a greedy little pup. This is why we don’t work out, you’re so easy to move on to the next guy who shows you any slightest bit of attention.” You shook your head at his statement but as his hands wrap the base of your neck, your body stills its movement.

Changbin snickers at your daring courage to challenge him, he ought to remind you that he is the only one you come home to at night, not all those other pieces of shit that just use you to bust a quick nut.

“I don’t like to fucking share what’s mine, you come here every single day to fuck and you still mess around with other guys? The fuck is wrong with you?” The bass in his voice grew deeper as he continued interrogating with questions, “Why would you need anyone else when I’m right here y/n? Are you really that much of a whore you need to get dick from my own goddamn friends? Just when I think you couldn’t go any lower, you pull this shitty stunt on me…”

Truth be told, you have no idea why you did it. Maybe he’s right, you secretly liked the adrenaline of the attention Chan gave you in that moment. You craved the same feeling from Changbin, except he was never emotionally available, he always seemed mentally drained by the relationship. This was the first time in months you’ve seen him act out of his usual nonchalant manner.

“I know you’re upset with me… but please be reasonable. We were— still are on a break, cut me some slack Bin, I’m sorry if I-”

“Fuck an apology. I don’t care enough to accept such bullshit from you anyway.” An apology meant nothing to him, the only thing he wanted was to make you writhe under his touch and wipe out all the memories of Chan from your brain. The strong grip he’s held against your neck tightens as he slams you into the wall behind, biting his lip at the sight of your disgruntled expression.

“Can Chan make you cum as hard with his fingers like I do? Can he make you a drooling mess while having you shaking and sobbing all over my cock? I bet he can’t give you the most mind blowing orgasms like my mouth does, he doesn’t understand your body like I do, no one ever will. I’m the only one that gets to touch you, please you, fuck you— you belong to me. Know your place and tread lightly darling, never forget that.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Hyunjin

It all started when he noticed you getting a little too close with Felix, the way you’d drag out a laugh even if what he said wasn’t that funny, to how you stare into his gaze for far too long while fluttering your eyelashes. Though your gestures were subtle, it didn’t take much for Felix to become a blushy and flustered mess from you being a natural flirt, he never knew how to react since Hyunjin, your boyfriend of almost 2 years, was standing right there. Oddly enough though, Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind it all, in fact it was doing the complete opposite, he was getting slowly turned on by the idea of you hitting on his friends in front of him.

Then the scenarios of you hooking up with Felix became more vivid, he’d think about it constantly throughout the day. It got so bad to a point where it was all he could think about when the three of you were together, he couldn’t shake off the idea anymore— he had to finally act upon it.

“I want you to have sex with Felix in front of me.” Hyunjin proposed randomly to you while watching a movie.

You almost choked on your popcorn as he said that, completely caught off guard by his unexpected statement.

“You want me to what?” You reiterate, still trying to process what he just said, this was seemingly random coming from him and he’s never shown any interest in this kind of topic before.

“Look, I know this is probably weird to you but I’ve been having these fantasies lately…” he slowly trails off but eventually continues, “I think about you cheating on me with Felix a lot, but I- I find it really hot for some reason.”

You couldn’t seem to wrap your head around what he was saying, none of it made sense to you but if this was something he’s expressing interest in then maybe it won’t be so bad to try it.

“So… let me get this straight, you want me to sleep with your best friend and you’re completely okay with it?”

Hyunjin nods in agreement, “pretty much yeah.”

The fact he barely hesitated made you even more uneasy, he must have been thinking about this for a while. Since the whole point of his fantasy was to feel like you were cheating on him, he wanted you make the first move on Felix, to gauge his reaction and test the waters first. By doing so, you’d amp up your flirtatious banter with him— making him even more of a flustered mess than he already is. Hyunjin seemed to be enjoying everything so far, watching you from across the table, acting as a simple bystander. Little did Felix know what was about to ensue a few hours later.

“Fuck yes! Just like that Lix, keep going- mmpfh!” You moan out in pleasure from Felix’s cock hitting all the right spots inside. Your legs wrapped around his waist, locking him in place as he plunged deeper into your walls. He’s not sure not how he got into this situation but the way your pussy clenches around his girth makes his brain short circuit for a second. Your juices continuously gush out onto him as he keeps up a steady pace, pounding into you like no tomorrow.

“God this cunt feels amazing…” he grunts, throwing his head back at the feeling of you swallowing him whole. He almost forgot that Hyunjin was sitting in the corner of the room, observing all of this in amusement. Hyunjin knew he was a total cuck for doing this, letting his own best friend have his way with you and not do a single thing about it, that was the fun in all of it though; he never realized how much he loved you cheating on him. His cock twitched from the sight of you getting fucked by another man, it left him with a sense of inferiority but in a turned on, masochist kind of way. Hyunjin couldn’t help but encourage it, he was probably getting the most gratification out of this.

“So fucking dirty… you like having someone else’s cock fill you up while I watch? Always knew you were such a naughty girl, nothing but a hole for anyone to stretch, you take Lixie so well too. You sure you’ve never cheated on me before in the past? You seem to be enjoying this a little too much.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Han Jisung

As if today couldn’t get any fucking worse, Han was infuriated when he found out you’ve been sexting other guys, he know it’s inherently wrong to be snooping through your phone while you’re not looking— but being the overly protective boyfriend he is he just can’t help it. When he saw all the messages of you talking to those guys the same exact way you talk to him privately, he felt his vision almost go black. He couldn’t wrap his conscience around the idea of the person he once thought was going to spend all of eternity with could stab in the back like this and betray him in such a vile way. It wasn’t easy for him to accept the truth of your cheating habits, Han was in complete denial himself.

He was more so disgusted with the fact those men thought they even stood a chance with you, there’s no way in hell he’d even let you anyone touch or come near you. Sadly, his entire world revolved around the sole purpose of keeping you happy, he’d rather die than have you out of his life. Even if that meant turning a blind eye and allowing you to continue with this unacceptable behavior. All he wanted was some simple answers, he just wants to understand why you’d do something like this in the first place.

“Just tell me where I’m going wrong babe, please. Tell me and I’ll fix it. We can work through this, just don’t leave me baby. You’re all I have, I can’t lose you too… please, I’m not ready to give up on us yet, I need you.” The glossiness of tears welling up in his eyes weighed tons on your morality, you should be the one who’s saying all of this— not the other way around. You should feel ashamed of what you did, all the damage you’re causing him but you have nothing to say; not a single word left your deceitful mouth.

“Do I really not deserve any explanation? Not even a simple, “I’m sorry.”? Is this what it’s really come to now, can’t even look me in the eye and apologize for having me out here looking stupid, remaining loyal to you even when I’m tempted at times… I’ve shown you nothing but love and honesty while all you’ve been doing is lying to my face and planning to hook up with other guys while you’re cooped up right next to me, do you know how worthless that makes me feel y/n?” He continued pouring all his emotions out, yet you still give him a blank stare, as if none of this was affecting you.

“Answer me y/n, why do you keep fucking lying to me?!” Though he kept asking, you still didn’t have a clear response for him, you yourself couldn’t even understand why you did it, it was more a spur of the moment thing. You simply wanted the attention, the thrill of it all, it was a horrifying revelation but you had no other excuse.

“Han, I-I’m really sorry for what I’ve done. Words can’t express enough how deeply guilty I feel… I’m just- I don’t know- maybe this relationship just isn’t working out for me anymore.”

“Shh shh, don’t say things you don’t mean, take it back now baby.”

What the hell are you doing to him? Was this really your way of saying that you wanted to officially break up? The sudden turn of events from wanting to work things out to the possibility of losing you made him regret being too harsh on you, though it was more than warranted, he wanted to keep this relationship alive, he couldn’t succumb to the idea of you walking out of his life this easily.

“Are you saying you want to end t-this…?” His voice cracks, visibly shaken up by your apparent coldness.

“Yeah, I think it’s for the best honestly... You deserve someone better than me.” It may have been semi-manipulative of you to say that but it was truth, he did deserve better, someone who wasn’t going to cheat on him and will properly communicate when they want out of something. “You’re just too… clingy for me Han. You’re overbearing at times, I want to be the one for you I really do, but I’m not. This isn’t working anymore for me, I know how selfish this sounds but I miss being single…” your confession hit him hard, he didn’t want to accept it, not when you made him the happiest he’s ever been.

“As much as it kills me to hear that, I’ll respect it.. but can you at least let me touch you… just for last time’s sake..? I’d be lying to myself if I said I wouldn’t miss eating you out every day, getting to make you feel good, watching you moan out my name as you cum for me. Will you let me do it again, please? I’ll let you go in peace if that’s what you really want, just let me show you what you’ll be missing afterwards.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Felix

“Why have you been so cold towards me lately? Is there something that’s been going on that you won’t tell me about? You can tell me anything, I swear— I’m here to listen to your concerns babe.” Felix wouldn’t stop bombarding you with a plethora of questions, he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. Soon as you get home from work you go straight upstairs without talking, you barely acknowledge him anymore and it’s been driving a wedge between your relationship and how you coexist together.

“I’m fine, seriously, stop asking!” You hiss, trying to shrug him off as you make your way into the bathroom.

You know what you’re saying is farthest from the truth, you’ve been harboring massive amounts of guilt since you made an irreversible mistake a week ago. The night you drunkenly hooked up with someone else at a nightclub— which has been weighing heavily on your conscience every waking moment. You couldn’t even look at him the same anymore, you’ve completely killed the spark between each other, he may not have known it yet but you had to be the one to break it to him.

“C’mon y/n… I know you’re clearly not okay. I’m not an idiot, I know how distant you’ve been acting, it’s quite obvious actually. You won’t even let me touch you anymore, I don’t understand how someone can just flip a switch like that. Is there someone else you’re seeing? Be honest, whatever you have to say to me I can handle it… just tell me the truth please y/n!” Felix couldn’t help but tear up as he begged for answers, his pleas were taking a toll on you— tugging at your heartstrings. It was time to come clean once and for all.

“I-I cheated on you last week..” you anxiously mutter, you couldn’t believe such a sentence came out of your mouth.

“You what…?” He blinks rapidly, in utter disbelief of your sudden admission, mouth slightly agape from shock, he felt his world crumbling beneath him. You kept making all the sorry excuses you could, saying you were drunk and how much it meant nothing to you, the more you tried explaining though, the more he didn’t want to listen.

“So you slept with someone else a week ago and didn’t even bother telling me ‘til now? Un-fucking-believable…” He scoffs, unable to even look at you in the same innocent light he once did.

Stumbling over words as you muster up the nerve to continue asking for forgiveness, it was truly pitiful of you to even think he’d hold any compassion for you, it was your actions that led you here to begin with.

“Felix please don’t leave- I know I fucked up but I can make it up to you, p-promise!”

“And how the fuck are you gonna do that y/n? Build a time machine to go back and change everything? Do you hear how idiotic that sounds? You must be high out of your mind right now.”

“Lix j-just hear me out, I was blackout drunk and didn’t fully understand the consequences of it a-”

“That doesn’t make it any better y/n! Fuck, all the shit I do for you and you hit me with this lame pile of shit, I’m so through with your sorry ass, it’s over.” You wished you could take back everything you did but what’s done is already done, there is no redo or fixing any part of the past.

“Strip.” He aggressively orders in his deep voice, you were hesitant on doing it at first but it wasn’t until he started doing it for you that you eventually complied to his rules.

You felt as though there was nothing you could do in this situation but submit to him, taking off every piece of clothing— leaving you in nothing but your tiny thong that barely covered anything. He forcibly makes you get onto your knees, facing the apparent bulge through his jeans— he’s never been the type to like seeing you cry nor completely powerless but this was different. He wanted revenge, wanted to humiliate you in the same way you did to him.

“I’m gonna post these in the groupchat just to show how much of a greedy, fucking whore you are.” Felix couldn’t even recognize himself, he’s never been so domineering as he was now. He kept pushing your head further down as you took his cock deep, down your throat, his hips bucking into a steady rhythm that made you see flashes of white and stars combined. After he snaps a couple shots of you sucking him off, he immediately sends them to all of his friends, not having a single care in the world what they do with those photos. It was simply payback for what you did, you deserved this after all.

“I hope one day you realize how good you had it with me, you fucking slut— you’ve completely ruined my trust forever. You’re the most heartless, conniving person I’ve ever known in my life and I mean every bit of it. Don’t come cryin’ to me once this is all over, I don’t wanna hear it, pack your shit and get out of my house. I should’ve known you were nothing but a damn nightmare since I heard about you.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Seungmin

Never in his lifetime would he think of you ever pulling a stunt like this, finding out you did some of the most unspeakable acts with someone in the same house you two share together. It was the biggest slap in the face to him, completely crushed his ego. Seungmin gave you a chance to explain yourself but as you continued he couldn’t bear to keep listening anymore.

“How could you even do this to me, just lied to my face this whole fucking time y/n, I trusted you.” He proceeds to go on a mindless tangent, “do you have any ounce of morals? Dignity? You played me so bad and I fell for every bit of it, fell for all the lies you’ve been feeding me for months on end.”

You want to give as honest of a response as possible but the lump in your throat causes you to stir, the only reaction was to sob in this moment.

“Awe, is that a tear I see? Is the wittle cheating slut gonna start cwying for me?” He mocks condescendingly, tilting his head to the side in fake amusement. This only made you cry more, feeling all types of shame and guilt for your heinous actions, what you did was unacceptable, unforgivable. Seungmin saw right through you, he knew you were only crying because you got caught, not because you were truly remorseful. Everything about you seemed inauthentic, he doesn’t know who you are anymore truthfully.

“I- I can explain.” You dolefully attempt to speak, nothing would help your case anyway, it didn’t matter how hard you tried.

“What is there to explain y/n? I saw you fucking another guy in our bed, I think that should be self explanatory in itself.” He’s more than right, however, you still manage to reason with him.

“It was just sex, he didn’t matter to me at all like you do, I’m sorry— I know you’ll never forgive me but all I can say is I’m really sorry… you’ll probably want to kick me out after this and I don’t blame you- just give me time to fix this and I’ll do anything to gain your trust back!”

Seungmin wishes he could’ve recorded this conversation, the way you’re so oblivious to how this is hurting him more than you could even comprehend. He had every right to yell at you, tell you how much of a terrible person you are, but he won’t do that, he can’t— it was all too much for him to handle.

“You want to regain my trust after I just saw my own girlfriend of one year and a half getting her back blown out by some random dude in my fucking bed?” The audacity you had was insane, you were acting more than entitled.

Reconciling the detriment of your relationship was futile by now. You had no more fight left within, seemingly ready to give up on everything you’ve built thus far. Seungmin notices you look mentally checked out of all this, causing him to be deeply irritated. He really wanted to give you benefit of the doubt but you weren’t budging one bit.

“You know what I despise the most y/n? Liars. They absolutely disgust me.” He seethes, pushing you backwards onto the bed you just cheated on him in. Your eyes roll up as you feel the shuddering sensation of teeth sinking into your neck, legs flailing around as you had both arms pinned down.

“Did it feel good to lie to my face? Is this some kind of demented kink you have? I bet you don’t even give a shit how I’m feeling right now.” His tone became more serious as he ranted, lashing everything out on you. When the slight contact of his cock brushes against your clothed slit, the immediate response you gave was bucking your hips, receiving a sinister glare from him. His legs lock your thighs in place, unable to shift a muscle. Your whines only grew louder, he was never going to give you the satisfaction of moving.

“You think I’m really gonna let you move? Silly little slut, that’s only reserved for girls that aren’t lying cheaters like you. I’m so going to make you pay for this, you have no idea… I better not hear a peep outta you and I sure as hell better not feel you make any sudden movement. There will be harsh outcomes if you try it, I fucking dare you.”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ Jeongin

You knew you were in such deep shit once he arrives back at your apartment, Jeongin texted you this morning— exposing all the dirty shit you’ve been doing in secret. He was practically speeding down the highway with rage, thinking about you getting off with some other guy and playing in his face knowing the whole time what you were doing. The fact you kept repeating over text how sorry you were for your actions just aggravated him even more, he was about to give you the rudest awakening. Jeongin bursts through the door, fuming as he walks in to only be welcomed by your continuous begs and pleads. It was quite pitiful seeing you like this, usually he likes seeing you on your knees but not in this context…

Your lips tremble as you spoke, barely able to chalk up the will to keep going, you wanted to show your sincere remorse but Jeongin wasn’t going to let you off the hook so easily.

“I don’t think you should be apologizing to me. You should be apologizing to yourself for how much of a huge slut you are.” He scorns viciously, “you have no one but yourself to blame, this could’ve all been easily avoided if you’d just close you’re fucking legs for once!” It wasn’t like him to get this loud and it was the first time he’s yelled at you like this.

“I just- I don’t know what I was thinking babe, I wasn’t in the right mind.” The more you try and justify your despicable cheating only aggravates him further. He wants nothing to do with you after this, but that doesn’t mean he won’t give you the most deranged post breakup sex as a final farewell and good riddance.

“Guess you really can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, so I’ll just fuck you like one instead.” You swallow his words harshly, it pained you to hear these things come out of his mouth but he was right.

To put it simply, you were for the streets; there wasn’t one redeemable quality in you. Jeongin demands you to stand up, telling you to get on the couch with your ass up in the air since looking at your face would only make his dick go soft.

“Who’d you cheat on me with, huh?” He asks sternly.

“It d-doesn’t matter anymore.” You try reasoning but he won’t allow you to hide anything else from him.

“I’m not going to ask again, tell me who you fucking cheated on me with, now.” A hand harshly spanks you from behind, letting a tiny whine escape as you dig further into the couch to brace yourself.

“B-beomgyu...”

“Gyu?? Are you fucking serious, of all people it had to be one of my closest fucking friends? You really are the biggest whore after all.” Jeongin was so done with you at this point, he just wanted to fuck you until you couldn’t physically walk anymore, it was only right for what you’re putting him through.

He slid your panties aside and pushed himself in without warning, making you scream out as he held your hips aggressively in place.

“Fuckk- you’re still so tight, did he even fuck you? Barely stretched this pussy out for me.” He grunts, producing deeper strokes, feeling your ass cheeks clap against him. “I fucking hate you, so much.”

The waterworks only continue as he kept degrading you, this was all you’ve succumb to now, just a toy for anyone to use as much as they please. Your head slightly bobs up from his length ramming harder into you, he only pushes your face further into the cushion as he berates you more with disdain, “Didn’t I say don’t move? A useless hole like you should know when to take directions, always so fucking eager to screw someone else other than me, so goddamn pathetic.” He hissed, ignoring your cries for him to slow his pace but only gets more hostile with you.

“God.. will you shut your fucking mouth already? No matter how much you cry and beg I’m not going to stop. You’ve got some real nerve to even be acting outta line, wow, you truly disgust me. Gonna make you feel the same pain I’m feeling— don’t care how bad it hurts, I’ll make you regret ever even meeting me.”

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sukunas-wife · 10 months ago

Note

you could do something where sukuna and yuji team up to protect their mom/wife when a person is bothering or harassing her, they love her so much that they won't let someone hurt her 🥹💗

Leave Mama Kuna alone 😔

Old Day, because no one was brave enough to confront Sukuna for murder.

Warnings? Murder, in red text a man attempted to force himself on reader, Gore, Blood

It didn't take much to upset Sukuna, he was always looking for a reason to snap at someone and end a life. Sadly his son Yuji was a cock block for murder, and it irked him that he basically had to shake and rile his son up to get angry and then he’d just flat line and “but why don’t we-“ They didn’t agree to often on why a man should die- but in this case they were all agreeing. “Get him daddy!” Yuji yelled, pointing his chubby finger at a man maybe in his early Twenties who had been talking to you while you were trying to pick out Snacks for Yuji. He had wandered off after passing a candy stand and usually you’d send a maid or help to get the necessities but today you wanted to take Yuji out to walk and play and hopefully learn some self preservation, Sukuna, well he was feared and he just wanted to come along to make sure no idiot would try to disrespect you. “Listen, I’m just trying to get some things for my son. Leave while you still can and maybe my husband will let you live.” You smiled nodding at the man who scoffed “Your husband? What is he? a Mercenary? What’s he gonna do to kill me? That’s probably a lie you probably don’t even have a so-” you sighed turning away when Sukuna lifted the man by the neck with one hand twisting him around to face him, “No, I’m your God,” his stare darkened “but I’m not so merciful.” There stood Yuji by his dads leg, “Yeah! You deserve no mercy! That’s my mom you were disrespecting!… Idiot!” You tried not to laugh at Yuji’s extra words and went back to paying the scared vendor for the snacks you had picked out. By the time you looked back the guy was laid out on the floor bloody and probably just barely clinging to life, head being pressed into the dirt being grinded on by Sukuna’s large foot. Yuji was swinging away on his ribs and stomach, for a 7 year old his hits were surprisingly solid.

As the day progressed you had managed to convince Sukuna to have lunch despite the fact he didn’t eat human food. But he watched as Yuji sat beside him slurping away at noodles and his rice topped with diced meat, “Boy’s more human than curse.” Was all Sukuna said when Yuji looked up at him, noodles hanging out his mouth before he slurped them up smiling. “Daddy I gotta Pee.” Sukuna sighed standing up out of the booth, “then go.” “…go with me?” Yuji looked up at his dead with pleading eyes before Sukuna groaned and motioned for him to go, “Fine.” Sukuna was waiting outside the bathroom when he heard a trio, two men and one woman. “That's her isn’t it? She’s the Deity at the Shrine house isn’t she?” One man asked the girl. She just shrugged, “Yeah but I don’t see what’s so special about her? So she had some big curses kid, her body’s probably trashed or something.” “Shut up Kaguya, you're probably just jealous, any man would give anything to lay that woman in their bed. If I had a chance I’d get her pregnant too, look at her, I’d do anything to pull her robes off.” The second guy spoke up, “That’s sick man, she has a husband and kid, Yeah she’s pretty but she’s literally a deity, have some respect.” Kaguya interrupted “She’s probably a slut and maid who just had sex with him and got lucky she got pregnant, she’d probably spread her legs for anyone if they offered a comfortable lif-“ Sukuna’s hands were bloody, in a matter of seconds he had ripped th hearts out of the first man and the girls chest. It hadn't been processed as they managed to look up his blood covered hands. The smirk on his face was sinister and became worse when the second man looked up at him in fear, struggling to scream. He shoved the man’s friend's heart into his mouth like a gag, leaning down with a threatening voice “You’d do best to keep your mouth shut.”

Yuji and you had wandered off from Sukuna when he became surrounded by people bearing gifts to honour him. He was annoyed and even more when he turned to realise both you and Yuji had left his side. You were taking Yuji with you to the shrine house the people had built for you. The eunuchs at the entrance greeted you, stopping to ask if Yuji would be entering with you, which caused him to hold onto the side of your robes and sleeve, you put your hand on his shoulder comforting him, “Yes, this is my son after all.” Entering the shrine, you made your way all the way to the back where you would sit and wait before the doors would open to the public. Yuji was walking around the room looking around until he stopped. You had a wall where all the drawings he’d ever given you while leaving the palace had been framed because ��I don wan you to forget me” A young girl came into the room shocked that Yuji was there until you cleared your throat, “oh! Forgive me Lady Y/n, I didn’t know you would be here today.” You waved a hand of dismissal. “I didn’t expect to be here either, but I thought Yuji,” you looked at him, he was staring at the girl in the door, slowly walking to you, his eyes never left her face. He looked serious, a face his dad often wore when something was wrong and he was watching it play out or when he was lost in thought. He turned away from you leaning against your lap standing between you and the girl. “Who the hell is she?” He sounded like a younger version of his dad with his demanding tone and dead stare, his curse word caught you off guard. You tried to form words stopping when you couldn’t, “she’s a servant who works here Yu, what’s wrong?” You leaned trying to get a look at his face, but he wouldn’t turn to look at you, he had his target. The girl became uncomfortable under his stare, “well, him Lady y/n there was an expecting mother who came by begging for a miracle.. the details shouldn’t be explained in front of such a young boy or boy at all really but-“ you held up your hand silencing her. “Bring her into the main room. I'll be out in a minute. I just need to make sure Yuji will be okay here for a few minutes.” She bowed, closing the door, Yuji turned to look at you and he seemed visibly at ease, “Yu.. what’s wrong?” He looked at the door, “She’s funny.. in a bad way..” you didn’t know how to answer. “Alright, I’ll remember that then.” You stood up, setting him on your chair and kneeling in front of him, “Will you be okay here? Alone for a short bit?” He shook his head no while kicking his feet, “Don’t leave me.”

That’s how you ended up with Yuji following quietly behind you when you made your way through the hallways to the main room. He got distracted stopping for a moment to look at a picture, the end of the hallway split two ways. There was a painting of Sukuna holding newborn Yuji, he looked so serious in the painting, when you told Sukuna you wanted it for your shrine he refused to smile saying it wouldn’t look good in the public eye or something along those words. Yuji was pulled out of his day dream when he heard you scream, he ran trying to find you. He froze seeing a man cornering you in the hallway, you were fighting him off the best you could but you couldn’t only do so much against a half curse half man that was attempting to measure up to Sukuna. He was far off from even touching the hem of Ryomen’s robes, but he was an entitled arrogant bastard. When the servant girl came, Yuji saw how she smiled at the scene. Yuji ran in blind, jumping and climbing the man’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck and biting into his shoulder. The man screamed and tried to pull Yuji free. He couldn’t do it alone so the servant girl tried, you fought harder when you saw how she was shaking him around. You broke free from the man's grip pulling Yuji free from her before rushing screaming for Sukuna, all the eunuchs wouldn’t be able to help you. The man grabbed your robes and Yuji fell from your arms, he watched his man lift you by the front of your robes and your hands, nails were digging into his wrist.

Why don’t you use your technique mom!? DO SOMETHING! dads not he- “Domain Expansion” the room went black, there was the sound of a drip and everything was dark, it felt hard to breathe, “Cleave.” Your eyes widened before you shoved the man off of you. You heard the squelch and thud of a body, and the crashing and cracking of the walls to your shrine being torn apart. Turning to look you saw Yuji, his hand sign was opposite his fathers, but he looked livid. His face was covered in markings mirroring his fathers more human form. You wanted to say something, but you turned to the gaping wall. The Cursed man was laying in the dusty street, he was sliced deeply but not fatally. The servant didn’t stand a chance. She was sliced finely for betrayal. Watching a crowd gather you pulled Yuji with you to see if the cursed man was alive. He was laying there, unfocused, he saw you and yelled “ILL FUCKING KILL YOU AND YOUR DAMN CHILD I AM THE ONE DESTINED FOR GREAT I WILL BE THE KING OF CURSES YOU BOTH WILL DIE AT MY HANDS,” before forcing himself up, chest, arms, and waist crossed with deep gashes.

He tried to lift his hands only to realise they weren’t there, his arms were gone. Yuji was mad that a man would try to take advantage of his mother, but as long as his father wasn’t there he would be there, but for now, a low chuckled rumbled behind the man, “You’ll need your hands to even think about laying them on my wife and son.” Sukuna wrapped his arm around the man from behind, large hand squeezing his neck, a low grumble, “You aren’t strong, you’re a fool and your brain is a pile of shit. You deserve only the worst death, but I’m having a little fun here so I’ll make this slow and painful.” Uraume approached Sukuna holding out his staff. Sukuna stabbed it into the ground piercing the man on the pointed edges, letting him sink down until it pierced through his chest. There the cursed man screamed and no matter how much he squirmed and begged for mercy Sukuna would push him down further. The man begged for mercy, for him to stop, “Did you listen to my wife when she asked you to stop?” He took the man’s jaw in his hand forcing him to look up at him, the pressure slowly fracturing his jaw as he shook his head no trying to profusely apologise. Sukunas nails dug into his face before he let go, “Did you have mercy on my wife when you grabbed her like this?” His large hand crushed the man's throat, nails digging into his skin, blood flowing, “WHEN MY WIFE TRIED TO PUSH YOU AWAY DID YOU WALK AWAY? NO YOU TRIED TO TOUCH HER LIKE THIS.” Sukuna placed his hand on the man’s chest, “dishonourable actions will be paid for with blood.” The crowd was watching when Sukuna drove his hand into the man’s chest squeezing his heart in his chest, the man screamed and gurgled as he spat up blood. Sukuna ripped out his heart throwing it on the ground and ripping off his head crushing his skull in his head, “Let this be a warning to every human in the vicinity, in this city in the existence of this time, that any man or woman who would act to lift a hand against my child or wife, your blood will be spilled to atone your sins.”

The crowd quickly cleared out and Sukuna turned to you, Yuji still had the markings on his face, his eyes were red. Sukuna nodded, holding an arm out to you. Pushing Yuji ahead of you, you started to tear up, hugging your husband’s side. Yuji was hugging your side. “Ryo-“ he shushed you using a hand to press your face against his chest. Burying your face against his hot skin your body wanted to tremble while you cried into the comforting of your husband but his presence was reassuring as surprising as it might sound. He rubbed his warm hand up and down your back “I’m here now.” He rested his chin on top of your head, he looked down at Yuji pulling him into his other side ruffling his hair. “You did good kid.” Yuji still looked serious before he leaned into his dads side with a slight smile. He went over to hug you, you took hold of him and he didn’t let go until you stopped sniffling. He smiled up at you, puffy eyes and red cheeks, Sukuna snickered, pinching your cheek making a joke, Yuji’s bright smile didn’t falter, “I still think you’re pretty.” Your sudden laugh made your husband and son laugh. Kneeling down you pinched both of Yuji’s cheeks lightly as he laughed, before cupping his face in both hands bringing him close to kiss both of cheeks and forehead calling him “My Little Protector.” He smiled with pride before you got up smiling at Sukuna, he sides eyed you before sighing leaning to the side giving you his face, “and my big hero.” Cupping his face you brought him into a kiss and he smirked against your lips when Yuji let out a loud “eeeewwww”

“Cmon Yu,” you held your hand out to him and he took it happily walking while holding your hand, “I’ll be stronger next time!”

Tag:

@sakuxxi @mercymccann @simpforyoubitch @certainduckanchor @domainofmarie @najiiix @bakugou-katsukis-wife @amitiel-truth @souyasplushie @mylovelessnightmare @sad-darksoul @cyder-puff @satorisgirl l @bontensbabygirl @lupita97lm @queen-luna-007 7

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itssliyahhxoxo · 5 months ago

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“Who are you talking to”

(𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐄 𝐗 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Paige dose a prank were she’s being disrespectful to you in front of her mom

Paige sat up her phone in the living room so it was facing the kitchen where you and her mom were cooking dinner drew was to busy on the game to see what she was doing.

“Bebe did you get that thing I asked for” she asked walking into the kitchen “what thing” you asked not looking up at since you were busy cutting vegetables while Amy was busy with the stove.

“That thing I asked for” she asked again this time a little harsh That when you looked up “I don’t know what you’re talking about, didn’t ask me anything” you told her looking back towards the vegetables. “See this is what I’m talking about,I ask you to do something then you don’t do it” she said louder.

That time Amy heard what she said “who are you talking to” she asked shocked “her man,she doesn’t listen” Paige shouted pointing to you “you do know I have a knife in my hand right” you asked holding onto it tightly “Madison you don’t talk to her like that” her mom told her shaking her head with a frown.

“Man whatever, y’all are annoying” she mumbled walking past you and walked out the kitchen when she did she saw that drew had paused his game to listen and now his mouth was wide open shocked that she would say that to you two. Before she could get to her phone she was hit in the head with a shoe making her stumble

“Say it again i dare you” you yelled “you don’t talk to me like that let alone your mother,are you crazy” you asked walking closer to her “ouuuu you in trouble” drew laughed “dude chill” she cried not wanting to get hit again.

“I’m not your dude” you snapped “ok,ok I’m sorry it’s a prank she rushed out pointing to her hidden. You looked at her phone and huffed “you play to damn much” you mumbled picking up your shoe and going back into the kitchen.

Paige got up and quickly stopped the video before going back into the kitchen “I’m sorry” she mumbled hugging her mom “yeah,yeah” Amy waved her off,she then walked behind you “I’m sorry” she kissed your neck “next time it won’t be my shoe” was all you said as she kept apologizing.

Caption: 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐦𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 🥲

Comments

@kkarnold: that’s what you get 🤣🤣

@paigebueckers: shut up 😒

@ice: she was madddddd 😭

@y/n_babbymama: she is soo sick of you 😅

@paigebueckers: what’s with the username 😐

If you have any more prank ideas, just let me know

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #viral #kk arnold #tumblr fyp #azzi fudd #black reader #nika muhl

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stylespresleyhearted · 6 months ago

Text

THE MAJOR’S WIFE

warnings: mentions of miscarriage, adultery, nsfw, marital problems, oral (m! receiving), spanking, being turned on even when your brain isn’t in it, bucky in 1x04, bucky married pre-war, slight age gap bc reader can come off slightly immature (i think?) angst, historical inaccuracies, new mediocre writer be nice

summary: John Egan gets to know his wife again

word count: 9.7k

notes: i’m not sure where this came from i wrote it all today and got no part of my research paper done. there’s really no point to it and also irl john egan was actually really close to his mother so i emphasized that here. he wrote to her so much. no disrespect to any of the real people, this is based on the show/show timeline as well.

Lila gets the call on the 2nd of October and her dreams come true.

Not entirely, no. The real dream would be having him home safe and the tragic war being over but she knows how fortunate she is to have the next best thing happen. Her husband’s been granted a few days leave and Colonel Harding believed it would do Major Egan some good to have his sweet, young wife join him during those days overseas. For the good of John’s mental health the Colonel or the President - or whoever was in charge, Lila really had no idea - had agreed to pay for her ticket and their hotel. There was only one thing they asked for in return and although it wasn’t explicitly said, Lila caught their drift: sort your husband out.

Lila knows it would do her no good to sit and wonder how horribly John must be doing in order for them to declare an all expenses paid trip for his spouse. All she does is worry for him anyhow so she forces herself to focus on the one good thing of the entire ordeal - she’s going to see her man.

There’d been letters, although not as many as she liked and she tried not to let it show how it hurt as every other wife received more than one letter at a time. Her John wasn’t the sort, she knew that when she married him. He was the kind of person who needed endless skies and land to maintain his sense of stability. Having him cooped up would do him no good and she partly wondered how much of what he was struggling with was the trauma he witnessed in the air and how much of it was feeling caged on base. At least his plane, good ol’ Mugwump (he wrote about her quite often) offered him the opportunity to head anywhere he wanted.

The only person he wrote consistently and readily to was his mother. It was rare if a week went by and she received no letter. During these instances it was more times than not an issue with the postal service.

Be that as it may, Lila knew who she married and it made her love him no less so she tried not to let it get to her. His mother was a saint. Firm and strong and loving all the same. Lila would have never survived sending John off if his mother wasn’t who and how she was. She held Lila at night when her cries woke her and she let Lila sleep in his old childhood bed. She kept food on their table and ensured everyone got their work done through the worry.

When John first left and Lila was sick to her stomach and vomiting multiple times of the day it was his mother who consoled her through the night when her sheets turned a crimson red and any ideals of having their baby through the war was lost.

Frances Egan was the glue holding them together. All of them, even her son who was an entire ocean way - so no. Lila would not be angry that she was John’s preferred pen-pal.

“You fix him right up,” Mama Egan had said in lieu of goodbye when leaving her at the airport, “you give him the loving he needs as his wife and the smacks he needs from me to get on the straight and narrow before sending him off to continue saving the world. You do it for him, not for any of them war bastards. You hear me?”

All Lila could do was nod. Dropping her bags on the floor and clutching her pseudo mother tightly. She was excited as she was frightened.

They had only gotten two months together before he had been pulled away. She didn’t want to complain, loads of women had gotten less time at all while others had only ever been left with the promise.

But her two months as Mrs. Egan? They’d been a dream. Her man was a romancer. He hadn’t hesitated in introducing her as the newly (and younger) Mrs. Egan, always resulting in an arm slap from his mother, he held open doors and he never stopped courting her; however she thinks the best times were when he was teaching her how to act married.

In their bed, at a home he had spent a year building for them. Using any extra pennies he had to pay off younger boys to help him hurry it along. Giving her the wrap-around porch she had always envisioned.

He showed her how to kiss. How to undress him. He had laid her underneath him, using his large frame to cover her completely, protecting her from the cold as he threw the sheets off them and making her feel tiny compared to him. She had never felt safer.

It had hurt the first time but he had held her through it. Never allowing any inches of space between their bodies; as if telling her they were in it together. She’d always known he was large, everything about him was large in general, but she never thought how much it would hurt to have all of him fit inside her. Lila hadn't wanted to disappoint him so she tried to muffle her tears and whimpers but he had swallowed her cries and gone slow, soft.

“If this is it, it’ll be enough,” he had promised, only about half way inside her and wiping away her tears with his thumbs. As a thank you she had taken that calloused thumb into her mouth and sucked. He allowed her; hiding his face in her neck and pressing wet kisses along there.

And for the first few times that had been it. She couldn’t take all of him and his thrusts couldn’t get too deep so he would only slip inside until her tight hole resisted and pulsed and he’d hump against that spot until reaching his pleasure.

“Do other girls take all of it?” She had asked a couple days later, trying to wrap her head around it.

She was no idiot. John Egan was no virgin.

“Yes.” Lila could always count on him to be honest. At least there was that. Meanwhile she couldn’t even fully pleasure him. She was failing as a wife. “Hey,” he lay facing her and she lay on her back. He tapped her cheek until she turned her face. “You’re my wife. That’s what makes this feel better.”

And she had beamed at his reassurance even though she didn’t feel much better. She knew John would never push her, and he couldn’t stand to see her cry, so if she ever wanted to learn to be a good wife she would have to take it upon herself.

So that’s what she did.

He was always on top and she was always on her back. That’s the first thing she had to change. From her understanding of it, from her talks with friends that always ended in giggles and blushing cheeks and from what she learned from John, it could be done in many different ways.

“I prefer to be in charge,” her school friend, Linda, had admitted to her. “Not like that -” she clarified, cheeks pink, “Just - if I’m gonna take it, I’d rather do it at my pace. Be on top. Some husbands are good like that. They’ll allow it.”

And knowing her husband wasn’t just good, he was great, she knew he would hold no qualms about it. The next time they lay in bed kissing it was easy to turn him over and straddle him. Move her wetness against his belly to let him know there was still more she just needed him to accept it.

Except he thought she was asking him to do it so he flipped her on her back again. And without breaking their kiss, she turned him over again.

It was more like they were wrestling.

Lila pulls away from his mouth, reluctantly, noticing his lips were wet and red and swollen and wondering if hers were much the same. They had been kissing for so long her mouth felt raw.

She loved it.

Straddling him, she reached behind her, feeling him standing straight and hard against her backside in between her cheeks. Sticky.

He gasped, bucking into her fist with a loud, guttural groan. It was so manly she rocked against his stomach again in need.

“Fuck, baby,” he grunted, “what’re you doing?”

“I want to try it like this,” she breathed, leaning over to whisper in his mouth, her tiny hand still wrapped around him and lining her up to her hole. “I want it all.” Lila clarified.

And John allowed it, like she knew he would. Let her take control and go at her pace. Let her swivel her hips on the way down to help with the tightness of being stretched so wide and thick.

Nothing but curses and promises of love leaving his lips. Gasping mine, mine, mine and my perfect fucking wife and I’m gonna fuck you forever.

He felt large inside of her, like if she was being split in two but it felt so good as the tip of him repeatedly hit a spongy part inside that had her coming with no contact to her clit for the first time.

She was beautiful, red splotches appearing on her body from the heat of their love-making, her hair tangled in his fists, her mouth falling open as she threw her head back - all of it was too much. He was flipping her over and pounding into her trying to chase his peak and a second one from her, their headboard banging against the wall in rhythm with his thrusts.

Things changed from then on. Sexually, that is. Becoming aware of how badly she needed to feel like she was pleasing him, John was not above using it against her. Like letting him lick at her.

“Good wives allow their husbands everything,” he would say, lips wide in a smile and eyes bright at the prospect of getting his way but Lila always knew the choice was really hers. He would respect what she wanted.

He was just too damn addicting. She couldn’t stand to tell him no.

His favorite times were when she allowed him to sit her over his face and let him feast. It drowned the outside world for him and he kept at it even after she had reached multiple orgasms and was pulling on his hair and the only thing keeping her up was his forearms locking around her thighs.

Her favorite was when he allowed her to taste him at the same time he was licking her. It was a tie between those times and when he held her down until all of him was in her mouth and she was spluttering, choking, gagging. Knowing she made a filthy vision and he adored it did something to her.

Now she was in London, closer to him than she had been in years, and all their intimacies were within reach. She could almost taste him, feel him petting back her hair and settling a hand at the low of her back. She still remembers the smell of his after shave and sweat, how he’d come into the kitchen asking for some of her homemade lemonade to help with the heat.

Jack Kidd was tasked with picking up Mrs. Egan from the airport and having her arrive at base with him. She remembers meeting him a couple of times before John shipped out early. Originally she was meant to wait for John at their hotel but there had been an issue when planning her flight and she arrived sooner than intended.

“Ma’am,” he greeted, placing a friendly kiss on her cheeks and taking her bags from her. “Bucky’s gonna be happy as hell to see your face.”

The tone in his voice - relief? alleviation? - had some of her happy wife's facade crumbling. How badly was her Johnny hurting that everyone was looking at her at his only chance to remain sane or alive?

Stop it. Maybe everyone’s just aware Johnny misses you. You’re his wife.

“Not as happy as me, I wager,” she returned with a smile. “I’m glad to see you’re doing okay, Jack. Glad to see you still kicking.”

His shrug didn’t soothe her worry but she saw him try to mask it with a smile.

“All we boys can do is pray.”

She placed a hand on his shoulder, gathering his attention. “You boys have got the prayers of our entire country protecting you.”

Jack simply nodded in response.

For the most part the ride to base was quiet. Her bags would be kept in the trunk until her and John were ready to drive out to London in a couple of hours and until then, she’d be his surprise at the officer’s club. Silver Wings, Jack called it. Where all the boys gathered and had drinks and celebrated accomplishments. And where some chose to mourn, too.

Her stomach was turning as she neared the hut, following Jack’s footsteps. There was so much that could go wrong and although this was meant to be a surprise, the U.S Army showing their gratitude towards a brave Major, she suddenly wished she would have called John and told him. She wished he knew so that she wouldn’t have to walk in feeling alone and unwanted.

Not that Lila thought John would turn her away, she simply wanted to have him hold her hand as she walked through the threshold.

“Stick close by,” Jack murmured, being respectful of where he touched her before deciding to lead her by her shoulder. “It gets crowded but I’ll take ya to him.”

As she walked through different groups, she felt the offending eyes of men and women alike. Wondering who she was. With a pang in her heart she realized she had met John’s squadrons before but all these crews were new. The boys she met, most of them at least from what she could tell, hadn’t made it. John never wrote about who passed away (except to inform her of Curt) ; most of their letters were him expressing his love and how he missed her so and asking what she got up to.

Having walked around the roundabout bar in the center of the room, her stomach in knots and fingers tangled in front of her - she caught sight of her husband smack middle in the dance floor. Pressed against a beautiful brunette.

Lila caught sight of him before even Jack did. That’s how connected she was to her husband. Jack whistled from beside her to gain Gale’s attention who was resting against the bar holding his signature ginger ale, also watching John Egan chat up the woman he was swaying with with something like disapproval in his eyes.

His large hands were occupying most of the space of her waist, keeping her body tethered to his as she laughed.

“Lila,” he gasped, eyes wide. He was smart enough to not turn and look at his buddy. To act as if nothing was amiss and she expected nothing less from Gale Cleven, “damn it all to hell. You’re a sight for sore eyes, Mrs. Egan.”

Because he was close to John, he didn’t hesitate in wrapping her up in a tight hug and pressing a kiss to her tinted cheeks. He knew John wouldn’t mind.

When he pulled back she patted his chubby cheek in return, “You still shame the rest of us with your good looks, Gale,” she laughed. “I’ll let Marge know when I see her next.”

Lila also knew she would share with Marge that while Gale was being loyal, standing off to the side her husband was exchanging oxygen with a woman on the dance floor.

His cheeks tinted at the mention of his girl. Buck and Bucky were both aware Lila and Marge wrote to one another and visited each other whenever time made it possible.

“Colonel Harding said Major Egan was in need of something from home,” she said, studying his reaction to see what she could read but Gale had always been aloof, cold. He wasn’t close to her like he was with Marge and John.

Gale thought back to a few moments earlier when John had disrespected their Colonel and all his actions before that too - disrespecting superiors, drinking more consistently, becoming angry - hopelessness in his eyes.

“He’s in need of you Lila,” Gale clarified and it wasn’t lost on either one of them that he they were referring to was currently on the floor wooing another woman.

“Holy shit! It’s Mrs. Egan!” Hambone animatedly announced and suddenly it felt like the eyes of everyone in there were on her. Her cheeks tinted pink, never having been one for the spotlight like her husband.

She was greeted with welcoming cheers and hugs.

John, for his part, disentangled from the woman he was holding at the mention of his missus. He was sober enough to appear sheepish and guilty, but in the next second it was gone as he stalked towards her. Determined. Quick. His smile growing the more he neared like he was becoming more aware she was really there and it wasn’t a fucked up scenario in his head.

“God, Lila,” she managed to hear him say before she was elevated in the air, his arms tight around her waist and lifting her high so they were at face level and he could kiss her. Channeling his love and exuberance and aggression into kissing his wife. “It’s you, it’s you, it’s really you,” he was saying in between smooches, “I missed you. So fucking much, doll.”

Basking in his love she didn’t feel the need to mention the woman that was so kindly keeping him preoccupied before she entered.

She couldn’t help the first tear from falling or the rest from following. It was like the tightness in her chest unlocked as she finally got to hold him and feel his heat surround her. He still smelled of after shave and the same hair gel that was kept in their bathroom at home but he tasted strongly of whiskey and cigarettes and strawberry lipstick.

John tucked his face into her neck, setting her down and bending to her level. Sniffling in there as he continued to hold her.

“None of that,” she did her best to stop her voice from wobbling or breaking, “we’re together. That’s all that matters.” She drew his face out from where he had hidden to pepper him with a few more kisses.

None of it was enough.

The rest of the guys were kind enough to return to the dance floor and act like they couldn’t see them.

“Who? What - why? How?” He was obviously having trouble forming coherent thoughts in between the kisses he continued stealing from her.

She was crying and laughing and trying to return all his touches. It was a terribly difficult ordeal but she had never been happier.

“Colonel Harding called and said you had a weekend leave. He said he talked to some of the higher ups but they couldn’t allow you a leave home so this was the next best thing,” she explained, cupping his cheek as she rubbed her thumb over his cheekbone. He had minor scars that weren’t there before.

She wanted to kiss every single one of them.

He was still bent towards her height, taking her in as she was taking him in.

She forgot how blue his eyes were.

He was whole. Complete. Hers.

“You’re here for the entire weekend?” He asked to confirm and she nodded, laughing when he lifted her again with a loud whoop to celebrate. That got a few of the guys to join in although they had no idea what their Major was celebrating.

“I need you,” his voice suddenly dropped, setting her down as he turned to the door. “Let’s go.” He was buckling up her coat to make sure she was protected from the freezing London air. She was lucky he was too far gone to scold her for arriving with it unbuckled in the first place - she could get sick.

“John, John - relax, my sweet man,” she laughed, cupping his cheek to get his attention. “We can stay for a while. We don’t have to go yet.”

It’s why she was at the officer’s club in the first place. She had arrived early.

John turned stiff in her hold, straightening to his full height as he suddenly loomed over her. “I’ve got you in my arms for the first time and you want to stay here?” His voice was tight. His face stern.

“Yes - no, I -” she was unsure of where she went wrong or how to fix it. She clasped his hands in hers but he didn’t allow her to thread their fingers together so it was just her holding on. “I just meant we’ve got time, John.”

The way he was looking at her made her want to cry. She felt her lower lip quivering.

She felt ashamed, whispering, trying to get him to keep his cool.

“Time? Time?” He laughed loudly. She was mildly aware of Gale breaking away from a group of guys to near them, worried but she was mostly focused on John. The tense lines on his face even as he laughed and the quirked eyebrow even though she found no amusement in their situation. “You think I’ve got time? You have no idea what it’s like up there.”

She shook her head but didn’t try to verbally explain herself. She wasn’t sure she could manage a few words before breaking into tears.

“Come on, Bucky,” that was Gale stepping in to save the day. Perhaps the only person who could get John to listen. “When have you ever left before dancing with your girl? You gotta show these rookies how it’s properly done right?”

With Gale slapping a hand to John’s shoulders, he seemed to snap out of it. Releasing a deep breath and seemingly all the tightness in body with it.

He leaned down again, pressing his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, clasping a hand around her neck so she wouldn’t pull her head back. As their eyes locked she felt a tear fall again and this one wasn’t happy. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby. It’s this place. It’s fucking with my head.”

And she chose to believe him, nodding her head in understanding and trying not to think about how she wasn’t his preferred person to write letters to or the one who could clear his head.

Maybe the Colonel should have allowed a weekend pass for Gale and John.

Lila swallowed the thought, allowing John to pull her to the dance floor as he lost all anger and aggression and became charming and loving all over again.

“Everyone, this is my wife!” He bellowed and everyone cheered in response. “She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and -” he hiccuped and she realized he was drunker than she thought, “and I bet we can out dance any couples here tonight!”

So for the next hour she found herself being twirled around the dance floor by her husband. She almost forgot their prior negative interaction; his love and energy was so infectious. For the slow songs he would hold her close and she would rest her head against his chest, letting it lull her to a relaxing state. He was alive and she was with him. That had to be enough. For the more upbeat songs, he was challenging any couple beside them. Asking those sitting who were better dancers? Who could perform certain dance moves better?

And all throughout, he was like he used to be back home. Loud and happy and the center of attention, keeping everyone entertained. He kept announcing to his boys that his beautiful wife was there and then he’d place a wet kiss on her mouth that had their cheeks (and hers) turning red but all he would do is smile and continue on.

She was finally able to disentangle herself from him when Crosby pulled him in for a conversation. Lila wonders if her state of disheveled hair and panting breaths made him want to aid her in allowing her to sit and grab a refresher.

Once she accepts Crosby’s hug and cheek kiss, she excuses herself to go grab a drink. John only pulls her back once to steal a kiss before she gets too far.

Her lips might be bruised by the time they leave if he kept it up.

She orders a cup of ice water from the man tending the bar, looking back out at her husband as she waits. He’d always been tall and strong, but she notices the change in his posture. The bulges in his arms as he twirled her around and lifted her in the air. His eyes were only bright when he forced it. They had lost their shine and she wishes she brought the picture from back home. Where he looks young and full of life and joyful. Even when he smiles he seems hollow; hopeless.

She’s there but he doesn’t really care because in his head he’s already thinking of when she leaves again.

She wasn’t used to that. Her John only lived in the moment.

“He keepin’ you busy?”

Gale settles up behind her and pushes the glass water towards her. She didn’t even notice when it was put down.

“Dizzy, more like,” she jokes and gets him to crack a smile. She thinks to when she walked in and seen Gale, how he’d been watching the scene unfold but with a disapproving look in his eyes. How he didn’t try to hide the scene from her or excuse it. He let it be. And she knows John has never shied away from attention. He’s always been handsome and charming and girls always swarmed but Lila wasn’t aware she had to be around to keep him loyal. She thought he just was. And she knows it’s not too long before they leave now so she decides to be direct with him. “So, does that happen often?”

She sees Gale’s expression split for a second, like he debates playing dumb before deciding against it and she respects him even more for it.

“I think you should talk to John about it.” He decides on.

“Is it something that needs to be mentioned?” She doesn’t like playing this game with him but she knows at the first words of cheating and adultery Gale is going to excuse himself and her chance will be lost.

She can’t be simple and ask: Does my husband cheat on me?

“Another ginger ale, Marty,” Gale raises two fingers to grab the man’s attention and mutters a thanks as his drink is immediately refilled. He turns his attention back to Lila. “He still loves you, Lila. It’s just - hard. Being out here.”

“You seem to be coping fine.”

She feels bitter. Crazy. There’s a sob she has to choke back.

Lila’s too embarrassed to meet Gale’s gaze. Ashamed that everyone knows what’s been going on and she was the ditzy woman being twirled on the dance floor.

“I think I was used to loneliness. He isn’t.”

And he says nothing else as he leaves her behind heading back to his boys. It’s just Lila and her shattering heart and her husband calling to beckon her back to the dance floor.

Luckily they didn’t stay much longer. She walked over to Bucky but he wasn’t able to pull her back out for a dance - it’s my song, Lila! - because Jack Kidd was approaching, letting them know it was time to leave them at the train station.

Lila waited in the car while Bucky ran into his quarters to pack his bag. He didn’t have many things to take, he would be stuck wearing his uniform anyway. Gale walks him back out to the car and despite the earlier conversation Lila exits the safety of the interior to say her goodbyes.

“Take care of yourself, Major,” she squeezes him, “I need you to stick around after this weekend to look after my man.”

“It’s a hard job but I try,” he replies, both of them ignoring Bucky’s protests.

Besides that, Bucky’s quiet on the ride to the train station. He carries her bag on board but he’s quiet for the duration of the train ride. Lila doesn’t disturb him; he might be tired or hungover or both.

And if she’s honest she’s scared of him snapping at her like the night before.

Instead she takes the time to take him in. He’s handsome in his suit. Tall and big and strong, his sharp jaw and powerful mouth, his eyes blue like a sunny day and his curls coming undone from the gel after all the dancing he did.

Lila doesn’t allow her mind to wander down this path too often but suddenly she can’t help it. Would their baby have looked like him or like her? She wishes more than anything they would have had his ears. She wishes they would have had his heart and his strength - but her loyalty. Her faith in them.

It’s crazy when she stops to think she was nineteen when she married him and now she’s twenty-one. She’s loved him for more than she’s been allowed to have him. She has changed without him like he has without her and it’s frightening to think neither of them could be accepting of those changes. Whatever they may be.

Lila shuts those thoughts out, closing the distance between them to sit on his lap. Passerby’s and his horrible mood and what scares her could be damned to hell - all she wants is her man.

John doesn’t deny her; she admits she was a little scared he would.

“I love you,” she tells him, catching his eyes.

“I know.”

He doesn’t return the words as they continue staring at one another but she refuses to let it get her down. This is her husband. She has the rest of her life to get to know him; new or old habits, she doesn’t care.

So instead, Lila plasters a smile onto her face. “What’re you gonna show me first in London, Major?”

“Well I really wanna show you our hotel room,” he plays along, allowing her to trace the edges of his mustache. She lets out a knowing chortle. “And I really want to show you -” he cuts himself off to look around, making sure no one was near them as he leans in to whisper, “- my cock, Mrs. Egan.”

She turns a bright red, trying to sputter out a proper response for that but all she can do is indignantly scold him. “John Clarence! If your mom were here -” and they both break out in loud laughter at the many possibilities of what his mother would exactly do to him if she heard his wicked mouth.

“Wanna grab some grub first?” He asks instead, knowing she hadn’t eaten at the officers club and before then she had been stuck on a plane. “I know a few places.”

Lila nods happily, pressing a kiss to his mouth. His lips are warm and as plump as she remembers them. His mustache tickles her.

“Let me feed you first, woman!” He groans, trying to be a gentleman. “When’s the last time you ate?”

She puckers her lips to think about it and that’s the only answer he needs: food is definitely first.

When they arrive at the hotel John enters to check them in but he slips a few bills into the bell boy’s hand with strict instructions to leave the bags in their room before pulling her back out to the London streets.

Lila felt underdressed surrounded by women in diamonds and fancy hats, and it didn’t help that John was beside her in his uniform looking dapper and catching the eye of many. They were stopped multiple times on the way to the diner; men wanting to shake his hand and show their gratitude while the women introduced themselves, uncaring of Lila under his right arm.

As long as he wasn’t ignoring or dismissing her she realized she didn’t really care. It wasn’t much different back home; everyone knew and loved John Egan.

The diner he chose was small and cozy and his legs were too long to fit under their table so his boot and his knee kept bumping into her own and she adored it. She wanted to feel close to him and since sitting on his lap currently wasn’t an option she figured this would have to do.

He tells her many stories but none of them are sad or tragic. He only shares the happy ones. He talks about how he convinced the Colonel to allow Buck, Curt, and himself a London weekend pass one time and they had shoved Gale into a haberdashery where he tried on a multitude of top hats worth more money any of them would ever see combined. But because they were soldiers and majors at that, the owner allowed it. There’s a museum nearby he talks about wanting to take her too, it showcases art from as early as the 1400s and he says he’s gotten lost in there plenty of times and it was lovely.

All the while, she listens without hearing him. Choosing to take him in and letting her mind wander to how it would be if things were different. It pains her to think how much older he looks since she last saw him. Looking more like it was ten years instead of the measly two. John’s always been one to smile freely but the wrinkles by his mouth, eyes, and forehead aren’t from smiling or laughing too much.

Lila knows they’re from worrying and stressing and being scared and she hates that she can’t understand him or be there for him. No matter how hard he tries.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes when a sob breaks free. She curls in over the table and John’s reaching over to rub her shoulders. She grabs a hold of her hand in his. “I just missed you so much.” She presses a kiss to his knuckles. “I don’t think I know how to not miss you.”

John doesn’t say anything but he motions a server over to settle the bill and once that’s done, he’s taking her hand and pulling her out the chair.

“You got enough food in you?”

All she can do is nod.

Her body feels electric on the short walk back to the hotel. He doesn’t do more than hold her hand and she thinks that is what has her nerves jittery, his palm in her hand sets her alight. She can feel his rough skin and the calluses on his fingers and the fingertips he runs over her skin and she bites back a moan.

Moaning in the middle of a bustling London street? She’d be thrown into an asylum she’s sure.

Beside her he’s quiet but his steps are quick. She has to lightly jog to keep up with long strides. He pulls on her hand to help her keep pace. It makes her think he’s as impatient for it as she is so she was surprised when upon closing the hotel room behind him he stays by the door. Not nearing or touching or kissing.

Just - nothing.

Her throat becomes tight again as she remembers the girl from the night before and her conversation with Gale. Is that the reason why?

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he says before she can spiral any further. Approaching her and bringing their lips together in a searing kiss, wasting no time in sliding his tongue alongside hers.

“I love you,” she responds and once again he doesn’t say it back. She figured he wouldn’t but she wanted to try. He takes her mouth in his again.

She gets irrationally angry, suddenly feeling the need to claim him so she bites at his bottom lip. He pulls back to press a finger to his lip, wiping the blood there.

Lila pulls on his belt, dropping to her knees right there in the middle of the room.

Mine. He’s mine.

“Make me your wife again,” she’s not sure but it sounds like she’s begging as she manages to unbuckle his belt and pull them around his strong thighs.

“God,” he breathed, “fuck. Look at you.”

Swollen lips parted for him to put to use. John wrapped his fist around her long hair to maintain a good grip, allowing the tip of his cock to hit the back of her throat. There was no resistance, no gag, her body remembering how it was taught to take all of him even though time had passed. John loved that fucking mouth and he found himself angry as thoughts entered his mind - if anyone had fucked her mouth while he’d been away - and he jerks his hips more forcefully. Rough.

This time Lila does gag. Her hand goes to push against his hip but he doesn’t allow her to pull away.

“Did anyone else do this?”

She splutters, eyes on him and confused with a mouthful of cock, unable to talk.

“Did you suck someone else’s cock? This is mine, Lila. Mine.”

He holds her down for a couple of more seconds before allowing her reprieve. She sputters and coughs, looking at him the entire time.

His dick is still hard and long, standing to attention, and he’s not sure whether he should apologize before she’s taking his bobbing dick back into her mouth. To the back of her throat and gulping and fondling his balls. Her nose kissing the coarse hairs on his belly trail and although it feels fucking amazing - he can feel the anger too. Her anger.

How dare he accuse her.

When she pulls off there’s a strand of saliva connecting his prick to her tongue. She has half a mind to go back for more but he’s pulling her back by her hair.

“I’m so lucky to have a wife who’s cock hungry,” he groans, pulling her to her feet by her hair and connecting their mouths in a rough kiss. Their teeths crash and tongues wrestly and he feels fucking crazy that she tastes like him. Simultaneously ripping each other’s clothes off.

Lila didn’t have any warning. One second she was kissing him and ripping open his shirt and the next she was bent over the bed with her ass in the air. John ran a finger over the wet patch on her underwear. The bite on her cheek was also unexpected and she clawed at the sheets, sure she could come from the feeling alone.

“This is mine, Lila,” he leaned in close, burying his face in her underwear. “Mine.”

All she could do was whimper and agree.

John smacked her ass so hard it jiggled. Lila yelled and after the pain ceded, time seemed to stop. Nothing but their rough breathing filling the room. John had never done that before.

She wasn’t sobbing but there were tears escaping. She was sure he didn’t know. He was waiting for a reaction.

Lila wasn’t sure where this side of her husband came from. Had he held back those two months? Did he learn it in Europe? Was that why there was another woman - because she couldn’t satisfy him?

She can’t lose him.

“Please,” she begs, hiding tears in the duvet, “do it again.”

Lies. It was all lies but John believes her and he strikes again. She yelps, fisiting the sheets. He believes it’s in pleasure.

Ten slaps. That’s how many she endures before he begins shushing and petting her again. He runs his fingers through her folds and although she didn’t enjoy the punishment mentally - she did nothing wrong, he was the liar - her body certainly did. She’s sopping wet, she’s gonna have to throw out her underwear because they’re destroyed.

“Did you enjoy that?” He grabs a fistful of her hair to sit her up, her back against his sweaty, matter chest. “You like being spanked, baby?”

“Yes.” It’s only half of a lie.

“Now - now, I’m going to fuck you. Nice and hard, just how you like it,” she wants to scream at him. She wants to hit him. When did she ever like it hard? When was hard ever nice? Who was he thinking about because it wasn’t her.

But at the same time she rocks back against him to feel his cock hard between her cheeks. She can’t say she doesn’t want it. Him. This.

He pushes her back down at her teasing, using his now free hands to spread her cheeks and show her tight asshole. Untouched and pure. He presses the tip of his cock against it but he doesn’t push. He doesn’t move.

She jerks at the pressure. Drools on the mattress as she tries to bite down to temper her screams.

Do it.

No, don’t.

“One day,” he promises, pressing deeper so her hole opens but not deep enough to push. “But today, today I want this.” And without any prepping like she’s used to, without any more warning, he’s sliding down and pushing into her. Hard. Deep.

She screams, can’t help it, claws at the mattress in an attempt to crawl away.

It hurt but it felt so good.

Who was she?

“You think you can go be with other men? Let them use the holes I trained? The ones that belong to me?” He pumps into her deep. Once, twice. She’s so wet the noises filling the room are pornographic, her yelling and his panting and her sopping wet vagina smacking against his thighs and taking his cock so well. “You like it like this, Lila? Like when I fucking own you?”

“Yes, yes,” she swears and this time she isn’t lying. It’s all she can manage; she thinks she’s gone cock dumb. There are no words, no feelings, just the feeling of him filling her.

She clenches tight when he slides out. She wants him inside her forever.

He releases his hold of her hair, stepping away. He’s tired of muffling her moans and words. He’s tired of not being able to see her beautiful face.

John’s favorite face in the entire world.

“Turn around,” he commands.

Lila kneels on wobbly legs as she turns over, having little to no energy and bouncing as her body lands with no grace on the mattress. John grabs one of her jiggling breasts in his large hand, squeezing tightly.

“I fucking missed these.” He takes one in his mouth, biting down on her nipple hard. She shrieks but holds his head to pull him closer.

Her thighs are forced open by his hand and then he’s taking hold of himself and thrusting in deep again. Releasing her breasts from his mouth in order to look at her mouth. Lila’s face when he’s fucking her is as close to heaven as he thinks he’ll ever get. She’s incoherent but she’s begging for more - that much he can make out. She manages to gather the strength to grab hold of him and pull him down, clawing at his back.

He hisses at the pain and bites on her collarbone to reciprocate it.

When she grabs the nape of his neck, the cool touch of her wedding ring against his skin, it gives him pause. This was his wife. His wife.

John has been gone so long he thinks he forgot he was married.

“I love you,” he finally says it, pressing his forehead against hers as he slows down. He sniffles then, leaning down to press a wet open-mouthed kiss against hers and swallow her moans. John can’t believe he forgot he had this; can’t believe he forgot for a minute how lucky he was. She’s gorgeous (and not just externally) and he’s quite sure he somehow managed to dream her up. “I love you,” he swears again.

This time she’s the one who doesn’t say it.

She clutches at neck and pulls him down to take a boob in his mouth. Looking him in the eye hurts too damn much. Why did he have to do this now? She was lost in the pain; she had been taking her punishment.

Lila squeezed her eyes shut, moaning loudly as she thrashed around the bed. Her orgasm taking over her body. She wrapped both legs tighter around John, squeezing and pulsing around him and dragging him to the edge with her.

“Fuck, fuck,” he roared, “so damn tight. Yes, Lila. My perfect wife.”

For a couple of seconds, they lay in the aftermath. Lila could feel the heat of John’s breath against her neck. She counted how many breaths they shared in between one another as they recuperated.

Forty-seven that’s how many breaths they shared as they stayed connected.

Forty-eight that’s when John managed to lift his head and place a peck against her mouth. One she didn’t return.

Forty-nine that’s when John pulled back in concern. Lila was so still.

Fifty. That’s the breath she used to say, “you cheated on me,” looking him right in the eyes as she broke out in uncontrollable sobs.

She cried and cried underneath him. Unable to move because her legs felt like jello and they held no power. Unable to push him off because she didn’t want to let him go. Unable to speak because she was suffocating in her heartbreak.

John watched her until he couldn’t, until he was afraid she was going to choke on her own tears and then he was sitting her up, trying to ignore the way she fought against his touch.

I’m sorry, I’m here, he kept saying.

I hate you, she thought but didn’t say.

Until finally, “don’t touch me!” She yelled when he got too close and made to wrap her up in a hug. “Get away from me, John. Stay away.” She crawled to the edge of the bed and curled herself into a tiny ball. Aware she was fully naked and he was still leaking out of her but she couldn’t find it in herself to do anything except cry.

She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t open her lungs and get any air in. She slapped at the headboard, aware that she was having a panic attack as suddenly everything hit her all at once. It was entirely consuming and she couldn’t do anything to fight against it except cry. All the feelings rushed her at once.

This was going to be it. The weekend of two lovers reunited was the weekend from hell and this was going to be it. She was going to return home in a day and he would stay in Europe and continue to fight the war and seek out other girls and when he returned she wouldn’t be his wife anymore.

Lila would be scornful and full of resentment and miserable and he would leave her. This last time was going to be all she had and she hated him for ruining it.

Why couldn’t he hide his affairs better?

Why did she have to surprise him?

She was perfectly happy not knowing. She was worried and stressed to hell and crying every night missing him but, oh God, all that was better than this.

Lila isn’t sure how long it’s been since she last took a breath but she feels herself fading. She’s shivering and naked in their bed and she can only slightly take in that John’s wrapping her up in the duvet and curling himself around her to warm her up. She’s trying to tell him she can’t breathe, she’s suffocating, at the same time he’s blowing air in her face.

She’s fading when she feels it. A sting on the left side of her face. Hard and sharp and enough to have her gasping for a deep breath.

“Baby, please, wake up,” he’s crying over her, his head on her chest, “wake up. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Her chest aches. She coughs.

He whips his head up so fast she almost laughs. Almost.

“Lila,” he holds her against his chest, rocking them back and forth on the bed as she takes in her surroundings. She isn’t sure how long she was out or how long she was panicking for. Had the sun been setting while she lost her shit? It was dark outside now. “Don’t leave me, you can’t leave me. Please.”

She taps at his arms to get him to release. She doesn’t think she can talk.

John allows her the space but he doesn’t remove himself from the bed. He stays kneeling, watching her. His hands keep twitching like he wants to reach out and touch her but he’s trying to respect her wishes of not being touched.

She doesn’t lay back down, she stays resting against the headboard. Breathing hurts. She’s scared of suffocating once more. Her left cheek begins burning and she wishes she had the strength to go look in the mirror. Did he mark her? She hopes he did.

Lila’s glad he made it hurt.

“You need to go,” she finally manages to say, ignoring the way he’s already shaking his head in defiance. “Leave me here, John. I want you to go. Get another room.” Find another woman. “I leave in a day.” She wishes she never came to stupid London. She wishes she could forget this entire trip.

“Lila it’s the war,” he starts, shaking in his own tears. “It’s all the shit I see, baby. None of it was because of you okay? None. You don’t fucking know what it’s like up there for us but I stay alive in hopes of coming home to you.” He promises.

She shakes her head, fighting back any more tears. How the hell could she still have any tears left?

“But Gale didn’t cheat,” it bursts out of her before she can stop it and she knows it’s the wrong thing to say entirely.

John stops his apologies, clearing his throat as he gets up and begins dressing into his suit. She doesn’t stop him. She doesn’t take back any of what she said. She gets tired of sitting so she lays on her side, staring out the window and noticing London doesn’t have many stars. Is that why it’s so horrible here? Because there were no stars to wish upon.

She could hear his boots stomping on the ground as he reached the door. “Maybe you should have married Gale fucking Cleven then.” And the door slams shut behind him.

She wonders if he’s angry enough to find a girl and sleep with her. Her eyes blur. The time on the clock is six p.m and London’s already dark. She realizes she hasn’t slept since her plane ride. About 19 hours awake - her and John.

Lila allows her eyes to close, hoping when she wakes everything will be better.

Shadows over her eyelids wake her up. Lila finds she hasn’t moved. She’s in the same position facing the window. Facing London, only now bombs are dropping over it. The prettiest colors burst forward in the window but she knows it's truly only tragedy and loss. Murder.

She recognizes John sitting in the arm chair and she wonders when he got back. He isn’t facing her, he’s watching bomb after bomb drop and land no more than mere miles away from them. He’s holding a whiskey on ice, twirling the ice so it hits against the glass.

Lila wonders then if it was the shadows or the noise that woke her up.

“I must have punched in my card a long time ago,” his voice is strong in the dead of the night, seemingly even louder than when he’s singing in the pub. “It must be the reason for all of this. Karma.” He scoffs.

I deserve this, is what he’s trying to say.

Lila feels her stomach twist and spin and there’s bile sitting in her throat. She closes her eyes to stop herself from imagining John in a plane, dropping a bomb that lands on children. She closes her eyes so she doesn’t have to see the hurt sitting on his shoulders.

She remembers how angry she was when he first signed up. Before they were married. They had been dating for over a month, barely, and she already scribbled ‘Mrs. Egan’ over her notebooks. She’d heard it from his younger sister, Eileen, and she felt her world stop. She hadn’t hesitated to run to the stables he worked at and confront him in front of all the men.

“You’re leaving me,” she had accused him. “You’re gonna leave! I’ll never forgive you, John Egan.”

And in front of everyone he’d knelt down and produced a ring, the one his father had given his mother and said, “Marry me.” He didn’t ask because they both knew it wasn’t a question.

She was already his.

And he was hers.

Lila had forgiven him and promised to love, honor, and obey for the rest of her life.

She doesn’t have the strength to stand so even though her throat burns she speaks. “Lay with me,” she croaks. Her voice is raspy and broken and even clearing it aches.

John shakes his head. “You don’t want me to.”

“Lay with me,” she repeats, firm. “I just want to fall asleep with you.”

He looks at her like he's scared to believe. Trying to figure out whether she’s simply being cruel and going to kick him out in her next breath. Or more likely, he’s scared she’ll lose her shit being near him again.

John, hopeful and never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, sets his drink down and nears the bed. Lila keeps her eyes locked on his and he does the same. Their moves and tension resemble a game of chicken, one of them afraid any sudden change can have the other running off.

“Take off your uniform,” she says when he pushes back the covers while still fully dressed. He jerks his head in confusion and she bites her lip to contain a laugh at his dirty mind. Sex is the last thing on her mind. “I want to feel you, that’s all.”

John does as she asks, setting his cap down and shredding every layer before he’s naked and gorgeous and sliding in beside her. She doesn’t allow herself to think about what it means when she immediately slides closer.

Lila’s the one to wrap her arms around him.

Lila’s the one to intertwine their legs.

John follows her lead, lifting an arm so she can raise her head and use it as a pillow. She scoots her face closer and she nuzzles into her armpit, smelling his deodorant and feeling his hairs poke at her nose. She moves further along, escaping the cocoon of his armpit to press her cheek against his chest. She clutches his dog tags in her palm, tight, so he can’t get up in the middle of the night.

“Can we fall asleep together?” She asks, but when she looks up John’s already there.

The next time Lila wakes up her palm aches. She releases what she’s gripping, remembering how she clung to John’s dog tags when he slid into bed beside her. She lifts her head and finds John already looking at her.

He’s got the saddest eyes she’s ever seen and she hates that she’s partly why.

“We should talk,” her voice is low and cracks from not being used. John nods his head but makes no move to begin.

Lila lays her head back on his chest, lightly picking at his matted, curly chest hair. She presses her lips to a freckle near his nipple and his intake of breath lets her know he felt it,

“I’m not the one you write the most letters too,” she starts, finding it easier to not have to look him in the eye. “You write the most to your mom. And I’m not the one who can calm you down when your anger gets the best of you,” she’s so tired of crying, “that’s Gale. “And I can’t even be here for you at the end of a mission to console you or kiss you or help you forget,” she chokes on a sob. “That’s whoever else.”

I couldn’t even keep our baby healthy, she leaves out.

“What’s your point with all this, Lila?”

Lila lifts her head from his chest, “My point is I’m a horrible wife. I - I don’t know if it was too soon or just not thought out but this - I- ” she can’t get the rest of the words out.

“Don’t say that,” John sits up against the headboard, forcing her up as well. He grabs both her wrists in one of his hands to pull her closer and grab her attention. “Don’t fucking tell me that, Lila.”

“I don’t make you happy,” she shakes her head.

“You do. Everything I do, everything I’m doing - it’s for you Lila.”

“I don’t want to marry Gale. Or someone like him. I love you. Only you. But I’m scared that I don’t make you happy. You deserve better.”

“Oh you dumbass,” John coos, suddenly finding the entire situation amusing. He pulls her in for a hug. “You’re my entire fucking heart, Lila Egan. You don’t think you make me happy? You’re the only thing in my life, in my head, that makes me happy.”

She pulls away to hold his face. “If you’re gonna leave me John you need to tell me now. I don’t care about the girls if all they are is to pass the time. And I don’t care that you write to your mom more than me and I don’t care that Gale is the one you listen to but I just need to be the one you love the most. I need to know I’m making you happy.”

His heart aches at the fact that he made her feel she was ever anything less than the most important person in his life. “Lila,” he presses a kiss to her lips, “Rose,” another kiss, “Egan,” another. “Are my only reason for staying alive.”

#mota fic #mota fanfic #john egan x oc #john egan x reader #bucky x oc #bucky egan x reader #bucky egan fanfiction #bucky egan fanfic #john egan fanfic #john egan fanfiction #*made by me

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