#I’m so painfully unfunny

[doodlechance]

I was so bored during civics omg

[flygonscales]

Animorphs has truly changed me as a person.

For example, on watching despicable me 4 today, I thought that the fight against the cockroach based villain would be made better and cooler by having at least one leg come off, in a gooey kinda way.

I have been desensitised to insect violence it seems.

[thezoneoftruth]

today’s episode was…..a choice…….

[maiteo]

just thinking about the amorim posts from prem stans….making me wanna ghost already

[ayaahh00]

I’m so tired of how men keep co-opting any joke or trend women come up with. The bear or man question, men turned it into tiger or woman. Hot Girl Summer becomes Hot Boy Summer or whatever. And now the ‘women in male fields’ trend which men have co-opted and ruined it once again. In all of the ‘women in male fields’ jokes, these are real horrendous interactions women have had with men, literally not a single one is exaggerated or wrong. So men decided to co-opt it and of course they spout the most misogynistic BS, but not a single joke lands. They claim to be the funnier sex, yet they can’t even come up with their own original jokes or trends without making them sexist and lame. They take jokes women create and turn them into misogynistic, painfully unfunny ‘jokes.’ They constantly do this to undermine and overshadow us but even in that they’re failing miserably.

[viviaj]

a man who just wants you and needs you and would do anything for you (gone sexual)

// this is a self-insert.. it can be abt anyone u want ;3 !! but if u need some help: atsumu, kaeya, zoro, wriothesely, shoyo.. literally anyone that’s funny but also ;) KUROO

he’s been making you laugh all night. lighthearted conversation not slowing down, and countless attempts at getting you to roll your eyes at him. he looks good, too, like, casual good. black sweats and freshly washed hair.

he’s sitting on your bed, feet flat on the floor looking up at you as you go about your business. he’s a strange guy, he says something unfunny, yet its hard to not laugh. its cringey and genuinely stupid, yet comforting all the same.

you’ve been parading some new clothes on for yourself, styling pieces for him to nod and approve at. the way you move around is everything to him. he could just watch you, permanently. he wouldn’t need his phone, or a book or a computer. just you.

and that has him hard in his pants. just watching you do your thing, your glow from previously being out, with friends and at the shops— it didn’t matter.

“hey,”

“yeah?” you cheerily turn toward him, eager to keep conversation alive.

“come here,” his smile has you complicit, walking over to him, “wanna sit?”

you look down.

eyes fluttering between how hard he is and his eyes— at how fast this all changed. he’s so pretty and you just want to nod and nod and nod to him, that you’d do anything with him.

“yes, i do. yeah, okay. i don’t wanna hurt you, though, so—”

“here,” he interrupts you, guiding your hips down, “yeah, just like that,” the genuine smile on his face gives you courage.

neither of you dare to move once you’re fully sat, no one shifting or grinding, just resting on each other.

“do you feel what you do to me?” he almost laughs in exasperation. everything he says is so genuine, “i’m hard just thinking about you.” the honesty hurts.

the man underneath you is everything. he’s so sincere now that he’s not trying to make you laugh, not trying to make you roll your eyes at the stupid things he says. he doesn’t have to work for your attention.

“can i move?” you whisper, his cock so painfully there. your eyes don’t move from his.

“yeah, just— shit,” he hisses, “fuck. slowly. just rock back and forth a little.”

and it’s so easy. it’s so easy and he’s looking right at you and he’s telling you how good it feels, and god, don’t you know how long he’s wanted this for?

“is this okay? i mean, does it feel good? am i doing—”

“perfect,” he reaches a hand up to the back of your head, “it’s perfect.” his large hand pulls your head down to his, face to face with what you’re doing, who you’re doing.

he looks down at your lips, breaking the unbreakable eye contact you’d had so far, and presses his lips against yours. your hips stutter here and there, unused to the motion, but desperate to keep it there.

“let me take care of you.”

you nod.

his hands are polite on your hips, firm in how he handles you. he slides himself to the head of the bed, patting right between his open legs.

“saved you a spot,” he grins. and you remember this is the same man from an hour ago. you roll your eyes, yet sit right there, your back pressed to his chest, “this okay?” he says with his hands so close to your waistband. you nod again.

“you’re very compliant with me.” he says, and there’s nothing— no words, that could justify that. because he’s right, “i almost expected you to laugh at me more.” his slender fingers dip beneath your clothes, and he’s kind of an asshole, but he’s touching you so nicely.

“oh,” you grab onto his wrist, “feels good,” he nods against your skin.

his other hand just wants to feel you. the outside of your neck, the crease in your elbow. the curve of your ear, the shape of your breasts.

it’s obsessive.

your head drops onto his shoulder, your eyes turning to meet his and you realise he’s been looking at you this whole time. you avert your eyes, a slight red brushing your cheeks.

he’s still looking at you with a slight smile on his face. “you shy?”

“a little,” you reply for integrity’s sake.

he absolutely beams.

all the while you can feel him right against your back. he’s right there. just playing with you, hooked on every whimper and moan and twitch he can get from you.

“i’ve been waiting so long for you, you have no idea.” his sincerity is overwhelming and so are his fingers.

you nod. because that’s all you can do. “another, another. please.” you pant towards him.

“another what? tell me what you want.” he’s smiling, you can feel it.

“finger. please. can i, please?” oh, he melts. your voice softening for him and your body tense against his cock, he feels like he’s going to cum in his pants. he might.

“of course. whatever you want.” his free hand glides against your jaw, fingers grazing the side of your neck. he needs to kiss it, and bite it and leave something there. maybe as proof that this is real, that he has you how he wants you. feeling good.

so he does, he laps at your neck slowly. his fingers don’t stop fingering you, but he raises his thumb to rub at you. and that has you really going. twitching back into him, jumpy moans and sweet noises coming from you, uncontrollably it seems. your hand goes to cover your mouth.

“don’t ruin a good thing, baby. move your hand. let me hear you.”

“it’s embarrassing,” you stutter out.

he grins again, teeth grazing your neck. “i know. it’s okay.”

and it’s when you cum, with hips bucking and hand gripped onto his wrist, that he doesn’t stop.

tears well up in your eyes, “i came. i came, i came,” you chant, maybe he didn’t notice, maybe he didn’t realise.

“i know.” there’s no emotion in his voice, he’s so concentrated, so invested in what he can get out of you. what sounds, what actions, the way you move. it’s like he’s on a timer, he only has so much of it with you and he needs to milk it to its fullest.

“it’s sensitive, please. it’s too much,” tears well up in your eyes.

“you gonna cry?”

you nod against him.

“i’m sorry,” he presses his lips to where he’s bitten your neck, “brave girl. tough it out.”

what he says leaves you with no choice. something clicks in your head and you nod over and over again.

you whine and cry, blubbering words and sentences that don’t make sense. sensing that you’re going to cum again, you push against his fingers.

“don’t. stay still.”

“i can’t,” you whine, “i can’t again.”

“you can.” he smiles. he smiles and smiles and all you can do is twitch and cry out.

and when you cum for him again, pleasure overwhelming every part of you, he flips you onto your back, strong hands gently laying you back.

“my turn,” his grin melts as he presses the head of his cock into you. he preens at the feeling of you hugging him, “oh fuck. feels perfect. you’re perfect.”

your eyes scrunch closed, blubbering like someone who’s forgotten speech.

he’s sliding in and out of you, wanting to feel every single centimetre of himself in you. it’s heaven and he can’t believe that this will have to end.

your head starts to hit the soft headboard, tears still pilled up from the overstimulation on your body.

and then it just stops. he pulls out of you.

“back to you baby,” his hands slide against you once more, and you know it’s going to end with you sobbing against him.

a fun night.

[angelsknifeprty]

streamer!ellie hcs ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

a/n: this is more focused on ellie and less on ellie x reader but i am for sure gonna follow this up with something else more focused on the both of you >:3

warnings | mentions of weed, the smallest hint towards struggling with eating if you squint

word count: 698

do not buy tlou | ways to help palestine | operation olive branch | keep eyes on sudan | haiti’s history | learn about congo

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ started off posting unlisted videos of her playing games with the stupidest, shittiest editing ever for you and her friends to watch and later decided to give streaming a try

‎ ‧₊˚౨ৎ starts off her twitch channel as a faceless streamer but does a face reveal when she hits a big milestone

‧₊˚౨ৎ has the creeper mini fridge for sure!!

‧₊˚౨ৎ has a ginger cat named garfield that she exclusively calls garfunkel on stream because her viewers made fun of her for garfield being too unoriginal

“guys, what do you mean it’s unoriginal, look at him. that’s literally garfield, the real deal. you’re all haters.”

‧₊˚౨ৎ plays a bunch of different games: minecraft obviously, fortnite, roblox (and argues with kids on there, you can’t tell me any different). also loves fnaf, elder scrolls and resident evil

‧₊˚౨ৎ more on her liking resident evil, i think she’s not super wimpy when it comes to games like that but she HATES the regenerators from the re4 remake (i’m totally not projecting…)

“i am NOT a wimp, but look at their freaky fucking arms!! and they have gross little butts too, that was not a necessary choice for the character design.”

‧₊˚౨ৎ she does find it funny when she kills them and they jiggle as they fall on the ground though

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ i’m throwing it in here that she smokes weed because i simply cannot help myself teehee :P

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ she does more chill streams of her eating n stuff as a way of comforting her viewers so they can eat along with her )):

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ and in turn chat always spams her with comments to drink water because that girl survives purely on energy drinks to combat her sleepy girl syndrome

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ abuses the soundboard so heavily, loves using a sound effect of an audience clapping and cheering when she tells the most painfully unfunny joke

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ she is ABSOLUTELY a jerma985 fan

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ loves putting her fans on blast and reacting to edits of her on stream and finds it so funny (especially the ones that have the reverb fart noise just randomly slapped in there, she thinks it’s peak humour)

“you guys think i don’t see this stuff? i have eyes everywhere. y’know what though, you guys are actually really talented.”

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ wears stupid t-shirts that say stuff like “i paused my game to be here” (omg i just found one that says “gamers make better lovers, they know all the right buttons” she would absolutely wear that)

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ she wears her silly t-shirts with pride and has the audacity to ask chat to rate how hard her fit goes

therealher0brine: BOOOOOO 🍅🍅🍅 0/10

elliebellie69: i beg that you don’t leave the house in that /lh  (╥﹏╥)

gnarpgnarp500: never beating the loser lesbian allegations i fear…

“guys you’re just not seeing the vision, sorry that you’re not this cool.”

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ oh my gosh she is OBSESSED with the little ikea alien, she has multiple of them in her room. she keeps one on her desk and when she sometimes doesn’t know what to say she’ll just hold it up super close to the camera and make incoherent high pitched babbling sounds

smelliams420: omg cancelled you can’t say that dude…

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ gets her viewers to send in clips and she’ll do high try not to laugh streams and fails miserably because she has the dumbest sense of humour ever. she’ll blame it entirely on the herb though as if her reaction wouldn’t be near enough the same when she’s sober

‧₊˚౨ৎ will occasionally play guitar on stream and she’ll sing too if you catch her in the right mood. she’s a bit awkward about it so it doesn’t happen often cuz she hates messing up and always makes a way bigger deal about it than necessary

“fuck- no wait, i was just messing with you. that fuck up was on purpose, shut up,” and her cheeks are flushed bright red as she tries to brush it off and compose herself before trying again

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ loves to get sidetracked and info dumps about stuff she is far too knowledgeable on

 ‧₊˚౨ৎ in conclusion, loser ellie supremacy

a/n: raghhh i love streamer els with my whole heart !!! i’m gonna eat her (˶˃⤙˂˶) anyways i hope you enjoyed, k bye mwah! >3< ♡

[chronicoverthinker]

I’m so painfully unfunny tbh

[cedarwoodtears]

i loved reading your general headcanons! could you do jossam focused headcanons please 🙏

HAIII HAI YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS starts growling and going insane these two. ough. ough my heart anon please call the ambulance. i’m having a heart attack. pleabe.

• josh is a sleepyhead and loves cuddling with sam in bed whenever he can!!! she finds it so cute bc they’ll get in bed and then not even 5 minutes later he is absolutely PASSED OUT curled up next to her like a cute little kitty. they always have at least one blanket on them though josh gets cold pretty easily…sam doesn’t like taking midday naps though so she usually just goes on her phone or watches a show quietly until josh gets up…he tends to move around a lot though so. sometimes he’s basically trying to roll over her LMFAOOO

• sam lets josh do her hair every once in awhile!! it’s mostly braids because he finds the process relaxing and he can just admire sam while doing it…so sappy josh hehe…normally it comes loose after an hour or so because well i never said he was good just that he enjoys it…he thinks she’s looks SO adorable with them though. josh tends to call her anna (from frozen) and it annoys her a bit bc it’s not even the right hair color 😒 he knows though teehee.

• they do NOT mess around when it comes to overcooked. they are the absolute power couple in games despite the times they bicker or poke fun at each others skill or mess around they work so well together. half the time neither of them even has to say more than a word because they’ve played together so much. when it’s just them they play great but if other people join it falls apart…sam tries to keep everyone calm and not yelling at each other while josh is messing around behind her back and throwing food away to get everyone more riled up hehe

• sam and josh own an off-roader and you best bet those two love going up into the mountain. well sam moreso than josh but he comes along! he usually trails behind her since he feels more comfortable that way, sam likes to lead things a lot more when it comes to nature. josh brings his camera and takes about 500 million photos of the trees and sam and then prints them out later to hang up around his room…sam makes SURE she brings proper snacks and hydration too. that’s always her main rule: be prepared. they venture out more when it’s warmer though just because josh prefers that..

• josh still loves pranking her. obviously not to the extent of the game but little things. like moving the stuff on her desk off ever so slightly or hiding fake spiders in the cupboards and laughing when she gets scared opening them…there’s always a new thing each day. he likes really bad ones too like prank calling her pretending to be a 10 year old and asking “is your fridge running” and she’s like “josh i know that’s you i can hear you in the other room. and this is your phone number” and he starts giggling but still goes on with the joke LMFAOO it’s so painfully unfunny he loves it..he can’t get enough

• they LOVE making sweets for each other. if sam is having a really bad day josh will whip up some lemon cupcakes for her (it’s her favorite) and vice versa sam will bake some banana bread for him (guess what. ITS HIS FAVORITE!!!). they stock up on a shit tom of baking goods for that reason whenever they run out of flour or sugar it is an absolute EMERGENCY!!!!!!! CRITICAL ALERT!!!!!!!! that rarely ever happens though unless either one of them bakes something for the crew and misjudges how much they used…

• josh is just a little addicted to caffeine while sam doesn’t really drink it..she’s much more of a water drinker (just like me fr) and knows too much is bad but joshy boy doesn’t listen smh…he goes to tim hortons every morning and afternoon and orders the same exact medium coffee with 1 creamer & sugar, with 2 pumps of caramel syrup. every. morning. sometimes he’ll grab sam a donut if he’s feeling nice hehe..regardless sam is always telling him how it’s not good and that he should have more water but he’s like “ehhhhhh ill be good”

• sam always loves to have little movie nights in her room and have the proper candle mood lighting and it’s relaxing…so relaxing josh tends to fall asleep bc it’s normally later at night, dim, and the tv is kinda quiet PLUS her bed is so comfy. but he does his best to stay awake. he can’t help that his girlfriend is so warm and soft and so comfy to lie against and just close his eyes…sam will ask him in the morning like “do you remember what ____ said? that was so wild” and he’s like “totally baby…yeah” and cough and look around josh you are fooling NO ONE!!

• they are almost complete opposites when it comes to body heat bro josh is literally like a walking corpse HES SO COLDDDDD everytime he touches sam she literally shivers and flinches it’s like having an ice cube directly on you. sam jokes that he’s a lizard because he’s like perma cold. that’s why sam is more than happy to cuddle with him a ton because even if it’s cold at first he’ll warm up eventually…she just has to suffer a bit with his icey hands TEEHEE i mean hey when it’s a hot day she finds it pretty nice!!

[silentwalrus1]

if i have to read one more published fantasy book that uses irl memes and online vernacular in its dialogue i’m taking away the toys until y’all can learn to respect yourselves. Not only does it break immersion in your world and detract from your characters having their own voices, it also makes you, the author, seem like a dim parrot incapable of neither original thought nor basic understanding of the passage of time

1) due to the timeline of publishing, any meme included will automatically be hopelessly dated by the time the story reaches readers and

2) it’s literally the same thing Ready Player One did. Hey look i’m pointing at a thing in pop culture. Did you get my reference? Did you get it? Let me list some more colors and shapes you recognize. Did you get it? And then Gideon Nav hit the dab or whatever. Hashtag Relatable!

It’s so painfully unfunny and uncompelling every time. We can do better. Apply some creativity to your own work

[oscconfessions]

I don’t know why, but I feel like TPOT is so much more childish and overly silly in a way I can’t describe. I feel like after episode 2 I’m just watching actual brainrot. The humor is just not it?? Aside from a few scenes Two acts like a baby and it’s just painfully unfunny to watch. Like I can watch pre-split BFB and Bfdia just fine but I feel like that’s because they have the usual BFDI wackiness as opposed to TPOT which just feels oversaturated.

HiveVoid

.

[rishiguro]

43; BAD JOKES

warnings: jokes about death

if this kept going, you would surely commit a crime. maybe prison wouldn’t be so bad, at least a certain someone wouldn’t be able to annoy you.

“please let me try some,” osamu asked again, staring at you with big, puppy eyes. at this point you were surprised that he didn’t grow a tail to wag it around.

you didn’t even spare him a glance, simply holding your bowl away from him. “no”

“please,” he begged, inching a little bit closer to you, only for you to back off again. sooner or later you’d fall off the couch. “i swear i only want one tiny bite”

you narrowed your eyes at him before shoving some more noodles into your mouth, shaking your head. “one of your ‘tiny bites’ is about as tiny as my lung is fine, piss off”

suna, who sat right next to osamu, couldn’t help but chuckle.

osamu furrowed his eyebrows, slapping the arm of the brown haired man. “no need to laugh, asshole!” he exclaimed and turned back to you again, wiping the frown off his face. “please, just one!” you however only raised an eyebrow, mentally giggling to yourself as you finished the last of your noodles.

“you know what” you set down your now empty bowl on the table in front of you before turning to your grey haired friend. he looked sad as he noticed how you didn’t leave anything for him — even if you told him multiple times that he wouldn’t get anything — and looked at you like a kicked dog. you simply shrugged. “when i die, you can take all the instant noodles that i’m hoarding in the cabinets”

you didn’t notice how both suna and atsumu turned to you, carefully watching you, not sure if they liked where the conversation was heading to. you however simply continued, your voice brighter than before. “i’ll put that in my will and then you get your noodles”

osamu furrowed his eyebrows. “swear it,” he demanded.

jokingly you raised your hand, as if you were making an oath, and spoke in a celebratory manner. “i swear that the noodles will be yours in three to five business days”

while you expected osamu to be content with this, he looked at you with crossed arms while shaking his head. “don’t joke about that,” he said, pouting slightly, “i need you to be serious when it comes to instant noodles, asshole”

you rolled your eyes. “fine, fine. a couple of months then”

“thank you” the grey haired twin grinned, comfortably leaning back on the couch now.

you rolled your eyes and muttered some light-hearted insults under your breath before you could feel your throat constrict, leaving you to hunch over while coughing harshly.

when you caught your breath again, you could feel a warm hand rubbing your back. “uh— are you doing alright?” osamu asked. he didn’t want to sound too worried, too in-your-face regarding this.

and he didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t a big fan of your jokes. he was worried, scared, even more than he would ever openly disclose. he respected you and your choices, he really did, but it felt so painfully real, a reminder of how it felt like time was running out.

and he wasn’t ready for that, he didn’t even want to think about that.

osamu couldn’t even imagine how it must be for you.

and when he was exchanging a few glances with the other two sitting in your living room, he knew that they felt the same way.

“me? feeling blissfully. why?”

“you make more bad jokes than usual” the grey haired twin tried to sound nonchalant, like he himself wasn’t particularly bothered and shrugged, pulling the corners of his mouth into a small smile. “i mean i’m aware that you’re painfully unfunny but this is getting out of hand”

before you could reply, you were interrupted by suna laughing as he agreed with osamu.

you raised your eyebrows and directly pointed at the brown haired man. “you’re the one who laughs the loudest,” you claimed, “they can’t be that bad”

“they are,” he shot back.

you shrugged. “then you have a terrible sense of humor”

his mouth fell open and he immediately removed his hand from your back, instead using it to point back at you. “this is a bold accusation and i will not stand for this kind of slander,” he stated, a pout on his face.

“then sit”

“this is so tenth grade” suna rolled his eyes before continuing. “besides, i already am!”

a grin appeared on your face, nodding in his direction. “well, lie down then”

the two of you continued to throw some half-hearted insults towards each other, before you were interrupted by osamu chiming in.

“sometimes i don’t know what the two of you are,” he sighed. “how can you say that tsumu and i are the worst when the two of you exist,” he then muttered to himself.

“i’m the bane of his existence,” you answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“i’m the reason they’ll be six feet under,” suna added.

“you might wanna hurry up then or else my body will finish me off before you do,” you chirped at him, “i’ll even make you a cute banner. ‘rintarou wins — fatality’ or something like that”

you had expected some laughter — or at least a chuckle — but instead, all you got was silence. you looked up at your friends, the three of them only having a sad looking smile on their faces. you clenched your jaw and sighed. “don’t look at me like that, you know about as well as i do how fucked i am”

sure, you probably wouldn't be dead by tomorrow, the next week, month or even a year, but you all knew that the odds weren’t exactly in your favor.

who knows what the next days would bring.

yet before the mood could get even more grim, atsumu leaned forward and shrugged. “well, i too would be, if i had a partner like iwaizumi, dude is jacked”

you turned to the blonde, eyeing him up and down before shaking your head with a slight smile on your lips. “like you have the stamina for it”

he put a hand on his chest in a dramatic gesture, his jaw falling down. “excuse me, i’m literally a division one volleyball player?” he screeched outraged, “are you telling me i’m not fit?”

“supposedly fit and yet you breathe as heavily as they do when you walk up the stairs,” suna now chimed in, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes with a satisfied smirk on his lips.

immediately atsumu reached for a pillow beside him. “i do not!” he yelled, throwing it in suna’s direction, which he dodged easily.

“and you can’t aim either, no wonder your serves suck in a game”

evanescent

/ɛvəˈnɛs(ə)nt,iːvəˈnɛs(ə)nt/ — “soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing.”

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taglist: @not-another-ackerman @midnight-drives-with-sunarin @bloombb @jewlmin @tia827 @namyari @fuckyouwhotookmyname @yuminako @megumuro @saiewithakatana @sukunasrealgf @julia-1901 @basically-an-anime-stan-acct

[yeahiwasintheshit]

I’ve been saying Russel brand is a painfully unfunny stupid cunt for over a decade now, so I’m very happy to finally be vindicated

Dude has fuckin lost it, fuck that guy

[whoredmode]

My personal least favorite thing about SRIV is how they handled Johnny Gat tbh. He's my favorite of the core side characters up through three, but in four he's just... kind of obnoxious. I would've thought it would be cool if the aliens had brought him back to try and infiltrate the gang, and then he turns back to their side when he realizes how much the Boss and the others really do care about him and didn't forget about him, but the whole "Wow! Look at Johnny Gat! He should be the real leader of the saints!" bit that carried over into GooH was just unfunny at best and outright meanspirited at worst. We've had three games up to this point that've established why Johnny isn't the leader of the gang and respects the Boss as a person. I know his character isn't exactly the deepest well in the universe but there was something interesting in that dynamic, where despite his capability for violence and charm he wasn't suited to actually leading the gang. Why ruin that for jokes that just didn't land. But that's just my personal take on it, obviously others are allowed to feel differently!

i think you’re onto something and it’s not just a johnny issue, it’s a larger problem of the actual handling of all the characters in sriv. johnny gets it pretty bad tho. we get the most banal, surface level introspections on characters who have had 2-3 games by now to have gotten this exploration. the idea of simulations is reflecting their fears/regrets/etc is a good idea when done well, but the game can’t even be bothered to give everyone that much. pierce, kinzie. i’m so sorry.

and what you bring up about johnny i 100% agree with—the game feels more concerned w being quippy and referential and painfully unfunny rather than like. giving us any of the apparent reflection it wants to give. you’re right, johnny isn’t better equipped to handle things than the boss, and i think it’d actually be interesting if there was conflict related to that. the boss got them into this mess, and if others think johnny would be better whereas johnny doesn’t feel that way or is unsure, it could’ve made for interesting, long-lasting tension. or even the idea you brought up w him being primed and used as a mole could’ve been fascinating. in the original drafts of sriv, it was gonna have (a clone of) johnny be the antagonist. and while i don’t think that route would’ve been…..ideal, i do think setting up johnny and the boss against each other makes for engaging conflict. ofc it would be resolved bc we know johnny respects and cares for the boss immensely, and instead of just bad jokes about it we could have the space to show and explore that connection. sr2 works so well for the boss and johnny’s dynamic bc we really see that love come into play w the lengths they’re willing to go to for each other.

it’s why the idea of undercover w there being an actual schism within the saints is interesting. why the conflict between pierce and shaundi in srtt is one of its strongest points. why dex and troy have one of the most interesting dynamics. why the reboot’s “power of friendship” angle fell flat for me. bc saints row’s cast works best when there’s conflict between them that means something. instead of just wasting it on bad jokes and problems that get resolved by the time the cutscene is over.

maybe i got away from the original point but. yeah. johnny deserved better in that game. also imo i do still think the boss is the worst written character of sriv. but i think i’ve talked about that before so i won’t repeat myself. but everyone got it bad. at least sriv let us kiss johnny gat tho right😭

[the-desolated-quill]

I just wanted to share this clip from the Borderlands movie because I’m fascinated by it.

I’ve heard people describe this film as the worst video game movie ever made, and I initially thought that was just hyperbole. No movie can possibly be that bad, right?

Now I’ve never played the games, so I have no idea how good an adaptation this is. All I can really comment on is the film itself. Specifically this clip. Let’s ignore the bit at the beginning with the Jack Black robot shitting bullets. We’ve all seen that in the trailer. It was painfully unfunny then and somehow less funny now. No, what I want to talk about is the action scene afterwards. That has got to be the single worst edited and choreographed action scene I think I’ve ever seen. You’ve got Kevin Hart and the mask dude holding a bad guy against the crate, and then Cate Blanchett kicks him in the face, which then cuts to the bad guy somehow teleporting away from the crate so that he can be launched through it. Then a bunch of other bad guys show up and the whole thing just descends into utter confusion. I have no idea of the layout of the room, where the bad guys are coming from, or where the actors are in relation to where the bad guys are. Characters seem to teleport to random places without rhyme or reason. Rabbit ear girl and the Jack Black robot straight up disappear in certain shots. None of it flows together at all.

Compare this to something like John Wick where every action scene is a straightforward progression from cause to effect. A leads to B leads to C, which causes D and creates E, which results in F and so on. With Borderlands, it’s more like A leads to C, which causes E, then back to B because we forgot to show that, and then skip to D, which results in WTF.

And that’s just one clip. If the whole movie is like this, no wonder it got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

[bootleg-nessie]

I’m all for making fun of Americans whenever warranted, most Europeans are just so painfully unfunny about it