#I’m so not used to liking stuff I write

[flock-of-cassowaries]

I was compelled to watch the 2001 Hannibal film at a social gathering in high school, and I hated it.

I did not like the brain-eating scene. I did not like it, Sam I am.

One could say that, 23 years later, I’m still mad at everyone involved (in making, distributing, and choosing the movie) for the fact that that imagery is in my head.

(That’s right, Anthony Hopkins, j’accuse. And no, Julianne Moore, as much as I’ve loved a lot of your other work, you’re not off the fucking hook either. That was bullshit. UPSETTING BULLSHIT I DID NOT NEED IN MY BRAIN I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS.)

…and then I watched NBC Hannibal, and, while I hated thay fucking cannibal on the first go-round*, that angular ball of outraged floof (who can’t make real friends because of his compulsive masking and absolutely pathological coping mechanisms [killing people]) somehow wormed his way into my mind palace.

I blame Mads Mikkelsen for this. And tumblr. This site is like, the chief incubator for hannibrainworms.

* Serious discussion of why I hated Hannibal Lecter on the fist watch-through below the cut. Cw for domestic violence.

1. Killing people is pretty fucking rude; get wrecked, hypocrite.

2. More seriously, killing Abigail in front of Will, in order to hurt him, is some straight-up ‘not-uncommon abusive partner in the real world’ shit, and honestly… that’s very uncomfortable to me.

TBH, I think that even if your cis male dark romance lead is gonna kill and eat people… like… maybe you shouldn’t write him to kill someone’s child as an emotional manipulation tactic.

Like, there aren’t a lot of suave, sexy cannibals running around eating the rude, but there are a lot of real men who control their partners by threatening to kill their children and/or pets.

And if the abuse victims on the receiving end of those threats aren’t able to admit to them self that those threats are fucking Kill Bill siren-warning signs, the chance that those victims won’t get their children, pets, and themselves out of that living situation before serious harm comes to them is greatly increased.

I know very well how easy it is to ignore / rationalize serious abuse, and how people who grow up in abusive situations sometimes use popular media as a reference for how real relationships work (I know I did, as a teenager).

I’ve been more fortunate than a lot of women / non-men - the only physical abuse I suffered was from my father - but it makes me really uncomfortable to see fictional media kind of muddy the waters about stuff that can easily become fatal if the victim misinterprets the level of danger they’re in.

Watching NBC ‘Hannibal’

Expectation: Hannibal Lecter? I’ve heard of him from that scary movie I never watched because I was too scared to. He’s like a super evil villain right? Bad guy, bad evil dude, right there. Hope they stop him. 

Reality: *wild sobbing* Oh God Hannibal my precious confused angular ball of outraged floof, it’s OK baby, I know feelings are scary, feelings *are* scary, love is so hard, love is so so hard, LOOKIT YOUR LITTLE FACE AND YOUR HAIR ALSO, it’s OK, I’m sure he’ll love you back eventually, HANG IN THERE HONEY *flails at TV*

[vonspe]

"gothic jane austen romance" PLEASE TELL US MORE

Is Scipio out there dropping lines to Emmerich like, "If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more" (Emma, Mr. Knightley)

or is he pulling out, "You have bewitched me body and soul. And I love you" or even "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you" (Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy)

ahhh It's about the poetry and the intricate rituals!!! The courtly manners so ingrained you don't even know you're doing them

LISTENN he absolutely is out there dropping sappy lines HOWEVER I’m a huge Austen girlie and my absolute favourite thing about her writing is the humour and I feel humour is so important and I want to draw funny stuff until I die. Secondly YEARNING and thirdly YEAH fucking goddamn mr darcy being rock hard 24/7 for Lizzie BECAUSE OF HOW INTELLIGENT SHE IS is 100% my emmrook.

I’ll give you an Austen quote tho

[admirationandromantics]

Best Friend's Brother

This request is literally 10 days old, which, to some, might not seem as a long time. For me however, it is. I'm sorry, but as I've described, I'm just trying to balance writing and school right now, so I'll be writing a little less than before.

Word count: 1,6k (unedited)

could u write a best friend older brother trope josh x reader. luv you works btww xx -anon

I knock on the door, waiting for Beth to open up. We’d planned a movie night while her parents were gone, and Hannah was at Sam’s. Josh was still home, but she told me he wouldn’t be a bother, and would probably stay in his room the whole night. 

I have met him many times before, and would even call us friends. Though at the same time, I often wonder if he looks at me like another baby sister, despite only being one year apart. He often gives me a hard time, teasing me and joking around, but most times, I don’t mind. I usually also hope that he never means anything with his small occasional comments, because nothing will happen either way. My best friend’s brother? That would be a problem just waiting to happen. 

Josh and I have been drunk together, partied together and been on get togethers together, though I’m not familiar with everyone in their group yet. 

I stand outside, my patience running low in the cold weather, wishing I brought a scarf. I hear footsteps coming from inside. Finally. The door unlocks, and a broad, tan Josh in a thin rolled up sweater and some sweatpants stands there, arm against the doorframe. He gives a small smile, looking me over. 

“Well, look who decided to come while the parents are out” he coos, a small whistling sound coming out of his lips. 

“Well, hello Joshua, care to let me in?” 

He smiles, contemplating whether to make this difficult or not. I look around, sighing and waiting for an answer, thinking about shouting Beth’s name and telling her that her brother is being a prick. Luckily, he opens the door further, making space for me to walk inside. “Thank you” I say, trying to hide my smile a bit. I’ve been here many times before, so I immediately know where to hang my coat and leave everything else. Josh keeps standing there, watching me. 

“Beth is out, said something about getting snacks for your movie night” He explains, and I nod. The store is not far from here, so she will probably be back soon. 

“Well then, do you know which movie she’s got planned?”

“Of course I do, I’m the one who helps pick them out”

I give him a curious and sceptical look, not having heard this before. He keeps his gaze locked on my gaze, a small smirk playing on his lips. 

“Have you?” 

“Every time” 

My mouth opens a little. Beth is always talking about her great taste in movies, never having mentioned this before. 

“No, are you serious? Beth has never given you any credit”

“Little sisters… what do you expect?” 

I hum, not knowing how to respond to that. I walk inside, him following closely as I sit myself by the kitchen counter. 

“So, what movie have you chosen then?” I ask, looking up at him again. Instead of sitting, he just leans against the counter with one arm, body turned my way. I can’t help my gaze, looking over his revealed forearms. 

“Something a bit different than usual…” he smirks, eyes following my gaze down to his arms. I break free, leaning forward a bit. 

“Okay, what movie?” 

“A scary one” 

“No”

“Oh yes” 

I whine, leaning back again. I hate scary movies, I hate jumpscares and gore. Why can’t people just like normal, funny, cozy stuff? 

“Josh, are you serious?”

“And there we go, you’re starting to use my nickname” 

“Joshua! Are you serious?”

“Well, that lasted for long”

I sigh, rolling my eyes. This is not how I want to spend my night, and considering that the walk home will be dark and scary, this movie will definitely fuel my fears. 

“Hey, calm down, it’s a good movie, maybe you just haven’t seen a good scary movie yet, this one might change your mind about the whole genre” He smiles, a hand going to my arm. I can't help the small blush coming from the touch, his fingers warm and comforting. I don’t want to do this, but I really can’t object when Beth is the one getting everything ready, and I just need to show up and have a good time. Or pretend I’m having a good time. 

The door opens, and his hand is immediately removed as Beth comes in, a big bag in her hands. She doesn’t notice me at first. 

“Beth!” I exclaim, and she lifts her head, nose a little red from the cold outside. 

“Hey, oh sorry, I didn’t have time to go earlier today” 

“That’s completely fine, here, let me take it” I state, walking over and taking the bag from her hands as she starts undressing. 

“My brother didn’t bother you?” 

I look over at him, and he just gives a small laugh, shaking his head and putting his hands up defensively. 

“No, he was fine” 

“Good, now, let's go” She smiles, leading me away from him, into their living room. She finds a couple of bowls, letting me distribute the snack in them as she works on getting the movie going. 

“Okay, so I know you’re not a scary movie-person, but I know this one is really good, so please, keep an open mind” 

I laugh a little, thinking back on the fact that Josh is the one who actually picked this out. 

“I’ll keep an open mind then” 

“Great” 

The movie starts, and we both sit down, a blanket over us as the lights dim. At first, the movie seems fine, the occasional jump scare, which scares me much more than it does Beth. Still, I keep watching, body tense and uncomfortable, but I can’t take my eyes off it. We’re in the middle when someone gets violently cut up, and the camera doesn’t bother to show us anything else than the blood and flesh flying everywhere, the gore not stopping. I take a breath, pulling my eyes from the screen and standing up. 

“I just need to use the bathroom”

“Gonna puke?”

I laugh a little, the tension in my shoulders easing as she talks. 

“No, but if there’s no important information in this sequence, please feel free to skip it, I'll be quick” I say, already making my way to the yellow-lighted hallway. It's light, in contrast to the room I was just in, and that makes me ease up a little more. Gosh, if this was to keep going, I wouldn’t dare walking home tonight. 

Suddenly, I hear a click, and the light goes away, leaving me in the dark hallway. I stop, looking around, unsure about what just happened. Another breath escapes my lips, reminding me that I can’t keep holding my breath everytime something startling happens. The hallway looks empty both ways, so I continue further, crossing my fingers that the light in the bathroom at least works. 

Before I can react, a couple of strong arms grab me from behind, caging me. I’m about to yell out, but as if anticipating it, the hand goes over my mouth, muffling my screams. I’m slammed into the wall, not too hard, luckily, but I close my eyes before the impact arrives. As I open them again, a smiling Josh is standing in front of me, biting his lips to hold in his laugh. My heart is still beating fast, breaths coming in and out in a rapid manner. I grab his hand roughly, dragging it off my mouth. 

“Joshua Washington! Are you fucking insane??” 

He bursts out laughing, arms against the wall beside me, holding himself up as he leans over. I shake my head, mouth still a little open in shock, whilst he can’t stop laughing. 

“Maybe, but you should’ve seen your face!” He chuckles, one of his hands going to his stomach to compose himself. It’s probably hurting right now from all the laughter. 

“Joshua! What the hell is wrong with you!?” 

“Okay, okay, calm down, just a little prank on my part” He smiles, finally calming down. 

“I have been watching a fucking horror movie, and you pull this shit?”

He bites his lip again, tilting his head a bit to examine me. 

“Oh, come on now, you’re totally thinking it’s funny” 

“No, I’m not” 

“Or you’re into it or something…”

“Wait, what, no I’m not, what kind of sick-”

Before I can process what’s happening, his lips are on me. I feel his breath, his body close, soft lips moving ove mine. My heart is still beating rapidly, but oddly enough, it calms with the way he’s touching me. Tender and carefully, not like himself at all. His hand goes to my waist, body pressing mine into the wall, opening his mouth a little. I hear a little groan leaving his throat. He pulls away, faces close as his eyes go over me, looking up and down. I almost think he looks a little vulnerable, but his signature smirk finds its way to his lips again. 

“Well then, calmer now?” 

I look at him, confused, conflicted. I scoff, shaking my head a bit. 

“No, I think I need a little more help” I state, hand going to the back of his neck, pulling him into me again. Capturing his lips on mine, already opening my mouth. He does the same, one hand on my hips, pulling me into him. 

“Hey, finished in the bathroom soon? I’ve paused the movie, the gore is over!” Beth shouts from the living room. We both pull away from each other and look over to the living room, luckily not seeing her there. I look back at him, seeing his chest heaving, hot breaths coming from his mouth. He turns, looking into my eyes. 

“Guess we better finish calming you down later” He smiles, pushing himself off me and the wall, walking back to his room. 

Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?

[tumble-tv]

Going to a protest? Bring first aid.

I don’t mean bandaids and acetaminophen (although those are helpful). I’m talking trauma first aid. I’m talking gunshot wounds and car accidents and stabbings, stuff to keep somebody alive long enough to get to the hospital. Because it happens, and you need to know what to do if and when it does.

You need an IFAK (Individual First Aid Kit) pouch. You can find them easily online, this is my favorite model. No clasps, no buttons, just pull and it’s open. You don’t want something that will take a long time to open or something that has seventeen pockets. Everything needs to be in one place and easily accessible.

Here’s what you need in that pouch:

Tourniquet (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/combat-application-tourniquet-cat-gen-7/) This is how you keep people from bleeding out. Relatively easy to use, there’s plenty of videos online on how to properly use them. When somebody is shot in an arm or leg and is bleeding out, you need to use this or they will die. You can keep this on a limb for about six hours before there’s any risk for amputation, so they’ll be fine. Have one easily accessible on the outside of your pack and another inside your bag. Two is a safe number, but the more the merrier. Don’t cheap out on them, either, you need something that will hold up and do what it needs to the right way. Bright colors are your best friend here, use them. Black may look cooler, but it’s harder to see. Neon orange will always be your friend in the medical field. You can also write a “T” on the person’s forehead to let medical professionals know that they have a tourniquet on.

Trauma Shears (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/north-american-rescue-trauma-shears/) Somebody gets shot in the upper leg? You need to cut their pants off and this is what you’re gonna do it with. No time to waste with taking them off the normal way, get to cutting. Sorry, but their jeans are not top priority at the moment, their life is. I like to get mine in a color that I can easily recognize, like orange or glow in the dark green. Makes it easier to find.

Nitrile Gloves I’m talking medical gloves, the blue ones. You don’t want black because you can’t see blood as easily with that. You want blue or green. Keep multiple pairs (I personally have a handful just shoved in mine), because god forbid you’re working on multiple people, you NEED to be able to change gloves so you don’t cross contaminate their blood with each other. That can lead to so many problems. This protects both you and them from any contagions on your skin or in their blood. You can honestly get these at any store, but please get them allergen friendly (latex free). Keep them in their own little baggie to prevent contamination.

Sharpie When you apply a tourniquet, there’s a little white piece. You need to write the time you applied the tourniquet on that little strip. Worst comes to worst, if you forget your sharpie you can use blood to write on the person.

Compressed Packing Gauze (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/nar-responder-compressed-gauze/) If somebody has a deep wound like a gunshot wound where you can’t use a tourniquet (chest, back, stomach, etc), you need to use this. Find where the blood is coming from and shove it in there. You can get hemostatic packing gauze with a clotting agent, but it can be a bit expensive. Apply pressure, it’s a game changer. Also, if you’re using a clotting agent, keep the package to show to the medical professionals.

Compression Bandage (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/israeli-t3-bandage-4/) Also known as an Israeli bandage (I know, that’s just what it’s called and referred to). It ahs some plastic on it so you can wrap it around and twist the plastic piece to apply as much pressure as possible. Theta aren’t overly common, but they’re good to have. Perfect for slowing bleeding or securing a bunch of gauze you packed into a wound that you don’t want to move.

Nasopharyngeal Airways (NPAs) (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/rescue-essentials-naso-airway-kit/) Basically a tube you slide down somebody’s nose to keep their airway open. Best for if somebody has significant trauma to the jaw or mouth. Always use the lubricant!!! If you don’t, this becomes so much harder to do and so much more painful.

Vented Chest Seal (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/hyfin-vent-compact-chest-seal-twin-pack/) For a penetrating wound to the chest like a bullet, use these. One for the entry wound, one for the exit wound. These let trapped air to escape, but don't let air come in.

Space Blanket (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/nar-survival-blanket/) You know those funky silver blankets that look like tinfoil? That’s it. When somebody goes into shock, their body temperature will drop significantly. They can literally go hypothermic in ninety degree weather.

Rat’s Tourniquet (https://www.rapidtq.com/collections/tourniquets-1/products/r-a-t-s-tourniquet) Sometimes a regular tourniquet is too bulky. Maybe somebody is super skinny or it’s a kid or an animal, this will stop blood flow when a regular tourniquet won’t. They’re a little harder to figure out, but they’re worth it.

Other Helpful Stuff

Bandaids

Regular old sterile gauze

Alcohol pads

Neosporin

Sealed water bottles for washing out wounds if need be

Medical tape

Rolls of sterile gauze

Antiseptic

Tweezers (DO NOT GO DIGGING AROUND FOR BULLETS THIS IS FOR NASTY SPLINTERS)

Penlight

Glucose gel for all of our hypoglycemic friends

Blood glucose monitor to test if need be

Pulse oximeter

Shit ton of eye drops for tear gas, because that stuff hurts

Superglue

Masks

Hand sanitizer

Rubbing alcohol (Can be substituted with drinking alcohol if need be. Find the highest ABV you can, vodka and whiskey are your best choices here.)

Hydrogen peroxide

Electrolyte packets/chews

Bandanas

Eye protection, like goggles

Something to make a splint with. You can use an actual splint (https://www.rescue-essentials.com/sam-splint-original-36/) or any long rod or stick, really.

Duct tape

Multi tool and/or pocket knife

If you’re going to be That Guy in full tactical gear, make sure people know which side you’re on with patches. Pride flags, ACAB patches, whatever it is, put them everywhere. Make sure the people around you know which team you play for.

Buy multiples of everything. Make sure you practice and know what you’re doing. Have a bigger bag than that pouch I linked above? Great! Shove more stuff in there, the more the merrier.

Take a Stop The Bleed course, that makes everything easier and you’ll be better at what you’re doing. They’ll teach you how to pack a wound, you’ll stick your fingers in a fake leg and learn to do it. Also take a CPR course and get certified. I believe they teach you how to use an NPA, but I’m not entirely sure since I took one for my EMT certification and was taught to use NPAs, but I know that EMT certification for CPR is different from civilian certification in some way.

I did not include CPR materials for a reason. If somebody is passed out from massive blood loss, they won’t wake up with CPR. If there’s no blood for the heart to pump, then CPR won’t do anything. If someone isn’t breathing and this is a mass casualty event like what this bag is packed for, leave them. I hate to say it, but you need to leave them. There is no way you are going to get this person breathing again in time for you both to get out alive if you’re being shot at. If somebody needs CPR, they are classified as “meaningfully dead.” CPR is meant to keep blood moving until first responders arrive, and during protests, they won’t. You’re free to bring CPR materials, I won’t stop you, but be aware of that.

Tampons are a good emergency alternative to packing gauze if need be. You’ll probably need a lot of them, but they’ll work in a pinch (and will be awesome if somebody needs one for their normal purpose).

If you have anything to add, please do. Any information helps.

[a-rainbow-girl-detective]

Cassandra Cain...in plush form!

For Cassandra Cain Week 2025, I decided to make a plush of Cass in her Black Bat costume! Here, you can see she’s posed amongst rosemary flowers. Rosemary is a symbol of remembrance, and because it can grow even under harsh conditions, it also stands for strength in adversity. Both meanings are perfect for Cassie!*

I really like how her expression turned out. I think she looks very cute and tough!

If I’m being honest, Cassandra’s Black Bat costume isn’t my favorite (though I do love how she’s usually drawn with her cape as this rippling, writhing, alive thing swirling all around her)—I think her OG Batgirl costume is top-notch character design! But without the mask, it’s also a pretty plain costume, and I thought the Black Bat outfit was more visually striking for a simplified doll. (This is also why I made the inside of her cape yellow—canon!Cassie would definitely favor an all-black cape for stealth, but I think she’d agree that for a cuddly doll, a pop of color is acceptable.)

I’ll post some work-in-progress pictures of her later this week, but for now, I’m just delighted that she’s done! I used to be super into knitting character dolls (like, it was my main hobby besides writing—I was very cool in high school), but it’s been a while since I made one, and it was really fun to do something similar again. I think my favorite detail is the little bandages/wraps on her forearms. She wears them as Black Bat, but she also wears them in the YA novel Shadow of the Batgirl as part of a costume she cobbles together herself, and for that reason, I’m especially fond of them as part of her design. With them on, she's ready to take on whatever Gotham can dish up!

*Alright, full disclosure: I actually didn’t intend to comply with the prompts at all. I was taking pictures of Cass outside, noticed that the only flowering plant in my yard was rosemary, and had a violent flashback to playing Laertes in my 11th-grade production of Hamlet, in which we had our Ophelia run out into the audience and start distributing flowers to random people whilst explaining their meaning (one of which was “rosemary—that’s for remembrance”). So then I spent several minutes trying to figure out how to most effectively stuff my precious, handmade doll into a bush. On the plus side, the pictures are pretty, they fit the prompt, and now Cass smells like rosemary, so…win/win?

[rereisstuff]

RUN DEVIL RUN !

summary: you been crushing on Mingyu since you saw him in the ‘Crush’ stage and he was crushing since…now.

pairing: dksister!idol!reader x idol! Mingyu

note: sooo run devil run is from a different band and 3gen and miss reader sings Jessica and Taeyeon’s lines.

Lee Seokmin loved his family, like all members do, so normally he was jumping around as his little sister performed last in inkygayo.

he had everyone watching the tv on the waiting room.

“that’s her!” he squealed manhandling Dino who was by his side.

and then Mingyu lost breath.

When I become more amazing

You'll pay me back, don't forget

as you sang loudly and sexy there was a lot of things going through his mind just there and then:

1. how come you didn’t reassemble your brother, just in the way you busted your lungs as him.

2. HOW HE NEVER NOTICED YOU.

“she used to have that emo fringe and was emo in general” DK answer to Seungkwan who inquired why he didn’t remembered her from any of the tours or other events with family.

the stage was over and soon voices could be heard from the hall and Dokyeom looked like a jumping ball.

a knock was heard and your brother rushed to open, finding you and your bandmates, using the opportunity as your brother suffocated you, Mingyu ran to the snack table but so did Jun.

“and what the hell you think you’re doing?”Jun whispered loudly and confused as he smacked Mingyu’s hand away from the last sandwich on the table.

“i’m asking Dokyeom’s sister out and you’re ruining it hyung” Mingyu muttered stressing the honorific as he tried to steal the sandwich from the others hand, failing miserably.

“i’m saving you, if it doesn’t work Seokmin would hate you” Jun started writing something on the napkin he was putting on the sandwich “thats why i should be the one asking that other girl with blue hair” he pointed at one of your bandmates.

Seventeen had your band sitting and talking about music and stuff, while Mingyu keep fighting for the damn sandwich.

Dokyeom didn’t seemed to find his best friend close so he started looking and suddenly found him, walking closer.

“i need the sandwich so Dokyeom doesn’t find out i’m interested in his sister!” Mingyu seemed to have lost his mind and was almost yelling at Jun.

Dokyeom heard it, screamed and giggled in silence and ran back to you dragging you out of the talk just to throw you in front of Mingyu and then dragging Jun out of there.

“you don’t need the sandwich!” he yelled as he left.

“so, nice to meet you, i’m Kim Mingyu” he looked like he was trying to make himself smaller as he extended his hand towards you.

“i know who you are Kim Mingyu” you laughed shaking his hand “i’m Seokmin’s sister”.

he laughed and you couldn’t help to sigh at the view, and just then…

“would you like to go out to drink something?”

“would you like to eat sometime?”

“it’s a date!” Seokmin popped out of nowhere.

[helloeverybodyhere]

Melody in the Afternoon

Summary: Harry is stuck on a song, but his girlfriend Y/N, who also writes music, comes over to help. A cozy afternoon turns into a heartfelt moment of connection.

The autumn sunlight filtered through the curtains of Harry’s cozy London flat, casting warm golden light over the living room. Papers were scattered across the floor—pages filled with half-written lyrics and scratched-out ideas. Harry sat in the middle of the chaos, his guitar balanced on his knee and a frustrated crease between his brows.

He strummed the same chord progression over and over, muttering under his breath. “What are the bloody words?”

The front door clicked open, and Harry looked up, his frustration melting into a smile as Y/N walked in. She was carrying a bag of groceries in one hand and a familiar tote bag slung over her shoulder.

“Hey, love,” she called out, kicking off her shoes by the door. “Still stuck?”

Harry set his guitar aside and got up to meet her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “You have no idea. I’ve written five different verses, and none of them are right.”

Y/N smiled as she put the groceries on the kitchen counter. “Good thing I’m here, then.” She reached into her tote bag and pulled out a small box. “Brought you something to fuel your creativity.”

“What’s this?” Harry asked, peering into the box to find pastries from his favorite bakery.

“Your favorite almond croissant,” she said with a grin, “and a latte. Thought you might need it.”

Harry pulled her into a hug, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “You’re a lifesaver.”

They settled on the floor together, surrounded by his scattered papers. Y/N sat cross-legged beside him, picking up one of the discarded pages and scanning the lines. “You’ve got some good stuff here,” she said, pointing to a verse. “But this part doesn’t flow with the melody.”

“I know,” Harry groaned, running a hand through his curls. “It’s driving me mad.”

Y/N picked up a pen and started scribbling on a fresh sheet of paper. “Okay, let’s start fresh. What are you trying to say with this song?”

Harry leaned back against the sofa, his gaze softening as he looked at her. “It’s about moments slipping away. You know, time moving too fast, not being able to hold on to everything.”

Y/N nodded, her lips curving into a thoughtful smile. “That’s beautiful. So maybe focus on a specific memory—something personal.”

“Like…” Harry hesitated. “Like us?”

She looked up at him, her expression warm. “Yeah. Like us.”

For the next hour, they worked together, their heads close as they traded ideas. Harry strummed the melody on his guitar while Y/N jotted down lyrics, occasionally breaking into laughter when one of them came up with something ridiculous.

“‘Time is a thief, stealing moments from me’?” Y/N teased, giggling. “You’re getting a bit dramatic there, Shakespeare.”

“Oi, it’s a work in progress,” Harry said, feigning offense as he leaned over to nudge her shoulder. “You’re the one who told me to get personal.”

Eventually, the song started to take shape, the lyrics weaving together effortlessly with the melody. Harry played the completed verse, his deep, velvety voice filling the room. Y/N leaned her head against his shoulder, her fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns on his knee.

When he finished, Harry set his guitar down and looked at her. “That’s it. That’s the one.”

Y/N smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling. “It’s perfect.”

Harry cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks. “You’re perfect.”

She blushed, leaning into his touch. “It’s your song, H. I just helped a little.”

“No,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You make everything better.”

The two of them stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s warmth as the autumn sun began to set outside the window. The room was quiet except for the faint strumming of Harry’s guitar and the soft sound of their laughter, their love woven into every note.

[luka--lu]

Anthropological and philosophical analysis of Viktor’s story in Season 2 - Part II

Eh, here it is, the 2nd part. It’s a direct continuation of the 1st one, ‘cause I’m gonna be referencing lots of stuff from the previous post. So go check that out. Here’s more intellectual rambling.

AFFECTS & RAGE

Author Sara Ahmed (my beloved) writes that emotions are more than individual states. Society produces and prioritizes certain groups’ emotional responses over others. She calls these responses, these emotions - ‘affects’. We see the Council members express disgust, contempt and anger directed at the Undercity’s citizens. We see Caitlyn’s reaction to the attack at the memorial, her anger towards Jinx and disdain for Zaunite criminals, the grief over her mother killed in Jinx’s attack. Do Cait's emotions justify her actions, usage of chemical warfare and abuse towards Vi? Seems like they do, from writers’ perspective. Salo is angry and he's presented as corrupted, unsymathetic, but Caitlyn is angry and her actions aren't critiqued by the narrative. Her anger is righteous because she wants to contain the situation in Zaun. That's why she formed the special team right after the memorial. She becomes angry and acts violently, but at the end of S2 she's not held accountable.

Caitlyn's affects and her actions came from her grief and anger, and she considered her choices as right, because as an Enforcer and Kiramann Caitlyn felt that now she has a moral duty to protect Piltover's interests and citizens. She goes on to gas Zaunites because she's protecting Piltover's 'right' to peace and safety. Which is accurate with Ahmed's understanding of prioritized affects - the privileged people can respond to tragedy, loss and trauma with affects such as anger, rage, despair. Ahmed writes about that in Feminist Killjoys (And Other Willful Subjects):

(...) When anger becomes righteous it can be oppressive; to assume anger makes us right can be a wrong. We know how easily a politics of happiness can be displaced into a politics of anger: the assumption of a right to happiness can convert very swiftly into anger toward others (immigrants, aliens, strangers) who have taken the happiness assumed to be "by right" to be ours. (...) (Ahmed, Feminist Killjoys)

Cait indirectly killing Zaunites with Gray isn't addressed as state sanctioned violence and killing, but Renni's attack at the memorial, her anger and revenge she wanted for her son's death are considered wrong. As if Caitlyn isn't acting with revenge as motivation all this time too. Why are Renni and Jinx dead by the end of the story and Caitlyn is supposedly absolved of all her crimes because she... had no energy left to be angry after the time skip? No, the narrative states that Cait is privileged and she can respond to tragedy with anger and violence. Renni and Jinx are Othered, their anger and violence aren't right, these are pathological affects. The narrative takes sides.

According to Ahmed, rage of the oppressed people is actually the dissatisfaction with the system. Ekko being angry with Caitlyn and Jayce is absolutely justified and necessary. It’s the frustration, the resentment coming from an experience of discrimination and embodiment of the Other. It’s the rage simmering in lifelong trauma, it's an emancipatory rage. Then, community as basis for change, grassroots action that connects marginalized groups - that comes from feelings of empathy, connectedness, determination. That’s what Ekko does with the Firelights.

Ekko is right to be angry, to point out the wrongdoings of privileged characters, to call them out on their ignorance and decisions beneficial only for Piltover. But Ekko’s anger is dismissed by the narrative. He’s basically absent in S2. Why? I think because he's a Feminist Killjoy. Or rather a Zaunite Killjoy. And the writers couldn't give him space to speak more, because the things he said were too uncomfortable.

Viktor in S1 is also frustrated very often because of the state of affairs after Jinx stole the gemstone. He expressed annoyance, disappointment and anger at Jayce, at Mel and indirectly at Haimerdinger. Wish we could have seen Viktor's reaction to Cait weaponizing the Gray. It’d have personal significance and further radicalize him, helping in severing his ties to Piltover, fully dedicating himself to Zaun.

And ever since S1 I wanted Viktor to express rage. I wanted him to be so fucking angry. Him screaming and mirroring Warwick during the transformation into the Machine Herald felt so satisfying when I saw it for the first time. Look at him! He's mad as hell! Good.

But that's not enough. His rage is only a fragment of the sequence when 'The Line' plays and we writers don't explore Viktor's anger. Which is a terribly missed opportunity. If I was able to rewrite Viktor's arc, I’d make his anger expressed explicitly, he'd be seen in the anger that gathered within him for so long. And it would be justified as he recognizes his supposed internalized ableism and how badly xenophobia, classicism and laws of Piltover affected him and Zaunite people. People who're also angry, as we've seen at the very beginning of S1. Vander went on that bridge for a reason and I dare say revolutions start with frustration, evolve into anger and burst out in rage. People gathered at the rally by Sevika are also angry. Anger calls for action.

(When on topic of Zaunites, it's also fucking horrible that Viktor doesn't bond with Sky over their shared identity as Undercity citizens who migrated to Piltover with the intention educate themselves so they can improve Zaun’s situation in the future. Sky is so underdeveloped it’s making me go insane. She’s used as a plot device in both seasons. A Black woman serving white man’s character arc, she got fridged twice. No words. Now I feel angry.)

Coming back to rage, it's so interesting that Viktor isn't allowed to express it in the narrative the same way Warwick isn't. I mean, he gets feral, but it's not... rage, not really. Originally Warwick is literally The Wrath of Zaun incarnate. And the writers fucked this up by making Vander come back as a plot device to 'unite' Jinx and Vi. It says a lot about writers' real premise and priorities. Warwick couldn't remain the embodiment of Zaunites' rage and a chaotic, uncaged beast, a Radical Other, a force Piltover fears (Salo literally calls Zaun a basement with demons inside) because it's a character in opposition to the state sanctioned violence of Piltover. And the creators don't want to address that. I believe Warwick's mess of an arc in S2 should be studied in the context of politics of affects and specifically how anger is an integral part of Zaun and Arcane as a story. But this post is about Viktor, so imma move on.

Viktor should have had a chance to acknowledge that him working in Piltover won't really help because in reality majority of the Council doesn't want to help. He’s overlooked because of his social status despite being the co-creator of Hextech. The majority of the Council wouldn’t give a fuck about whatever projects he’d present as improvements for the Undercity. Viktor's rage against the system could be so cathartic and satisfying after such a long time of suffering both physically and mentally. Suffering caused by Piltover’s destructive actions and intentional inaction in certain spheres.

And if he chose to augment himself, ideally in a way he did in original LOL Lore, I’d want his thought process to be: ‘You see me as the Other, so I will become the Other in the most extreme way possible, and will do so out of spite and despite of you all’. I’d be screaming, crying, throwing up!! If he saw there's no way he could achieve his dream because the system won't ever allow it. If Viktor left and used his skills to help his people, maybe siding with Ekko and combining their anger to become integral to the Zaun-Piltover conflict, I’d be so happy. Guess the writers could make Viktor prominent in S2 as the villain, but not as the revolutionary he deserved to become.

I want to emphasize how integral affects, specifically anger/rage, are to the Arcane as a series. All characters experience them in different ways. When I saw Viktor's anger in S1 I dreamed of him becoming the Herald through the experience he had in League Lore - in some messed up form of stages of grief, from depression through anger to acceptance.

And that's what should have happened, but S2 destroyed this integral part of Viktor. He can't be angry, because he lost his humanity to the Hexcore. AND IT HAPPENED WITHOUT HIS CONSENT AND NOT OUT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL. What narrative tells us is: the Other needs to be neutralized and then villainized, he can't act out of his own volition, he must be a shell of who he once was, because if he remained himself and acted the way he wanted, he would make everyone feel awkward - his actions would reveal our prejudices.

And Viktor was already established as a Zaunite Killjoy in S1. Specifically in the 'I'm from the Undercity' scene (more on that later) and when Mel implied weaponization of Hextech. Writers of S2 took away Viktor's real agency and took his Killjoy status away, because he'd make it all awkward! If he left Jayce because he was disappointed with him making Hextech weapons for Cait or whatever other reason that connected to the Zaun-Piltover conflict, Viktor would be making a statement: he won't go along with this.

But who is a (feminist) killjoy? Ahmed writes that a person who's marginalized and experiences oppression can become a killjoy in a political sense. Being a killjoy is an act of causing 'social awkwardness' - by expressing dissatisfaction with the system or verbalizing someone's biases, and most importantly entire society's normative and oppressive institutions. A (feminist) killjoy refuses to be neutralized and silenced, it's a political role, a form of action, activism. That's why I think of Ekko as our Zaunite Killjoy who never got the chance to act to his full potential in political sense (because writers yeeted him into an AU).

Ahmed writes:

To create awkwardness is to be read as being awkward. Maintaining public comfort requires that certain bodies "go along with it." To refuse to go along with it, to refuse the place in which you are placed, is to be seen as causing trouble, as making others uncomfortable. There is a political struggle about how we attribute good and bad feelings, which hesitates around the apparently simple question of who introduces what feelings to whom. Feelings can get stuck to certain bodies in the very way we describe spaces, situations, dramas. And bodies can get stuck depending on the feelings with which they get associated. (Ahmed, Feminist Killjoy)

Ahmed wrote about anger in The Cultural Politics of Emotion, in the chapter Feminist Attachments. Her point is: anger is an appropriate response to systemic violence, suffering inflicted on certain groups by those in power and the processes of Othering.

That's why Viktor's response to these issues should have been him making people uncomfortable on purpose - with his political stance and his embodiment. As I argued in my 1st post, he should have affirmed himself as a Zaunite and a disabled person, reject Piltover and make a conscious decision to use technology similar to his OG League counterpart (maybe tone down on the amputating limbs part tho). It'd tie with original premise of Arcane, the story of class struggle, of political and social conflicts between Zaun and Piltover.

But the writers didn't feel comfortable with that idea. Kinda awkward.

And the same point about who’s affects, specifically anger, can be expressed was brilliantly analysed by @ceaselesswatchersspecialboy: 

(...) to have Viktor question Piltover further, to have him present for Cait’s rise and the gassing of the Undercity and growing brutality towards its people, would mean that it would have to be acknowledged deeper, and that there would have to be actual consequences. Viktor’s arc cannot centre around the conflict of Zaun vs Piltover anymore, because to do so would mean actually addressing the horrifically inhumane acts of Piltover, and the centuries of oppression in a way that justified Zaun’s violence and anger. 

And that- THAT IS THE REAL THING! (snatches wig) 

Even more importantly, they point out: 

Viktor's arc cannot centre around him choosing to become the Machine Herald, because that would mean acknowledging that he has a right to be resentful and hurt, that the fact he was dying was caused directly by Piltover. 

Preach it to the heavens. I have nothing to add. (text in quotes was emboldened by me)

As Audre Lorde’s classic quote goes: For the master’s tool will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. (Lorde, Sister Outsider)

Why then, does Viktor agree to help Ambessa; why then, Vi and other Zaunites join the war? These actions won’t help in dismantling Piltover’s system of power. It's perpetuating violence and destruction. Giving Sevika a seat in the Council isn’t about to bring genuine change. The Council has never worked in favor of Zaunites, so how having one of them at the table helps? There shouldn't be a Council anymore!

Lorde, along with bell hooks, are the most notable Black Feminist Killjoys in the history of the movement. The meaning of anger in political context for the oppressed groups and social justice activists is crucial. Having anger within the fabric of their stories, Zaunite characters should have been given agency to act. And cause awkwardness. The way Ekko made Jayce uncomfortable (get him Ekko!).

I believe Arcane draws far too many parallels to real live social issues and different civil rights movements that writers omitting the political message in Season 2 is simply them indulging in the privilege of ignorance. They allowed themselves to avert their gaze from actual source of Zaun-Piltover conflict, the same way privileged groups irl just 'go along with' discrimination because it doesn't touch them, it's not their concern, it causes them to feel shame, guilt, anger and fear.

And that's what I wanted, I wanted Viktor to cause these affects in Jayce, Mel, Heimerdinger, all of the Council, Caitlyn and just in general, because that just made sense in his character arc and general narrative. The final villain should't be Viktor, the villain was Piltover's power all along.

It would be good if S2 Viktor saw that the glorious evolution was basically him trying to fit in a society that won't accept him anyway. He won't dismantle the master's house by pursuing idealized standards of health and progress. He needed to build connections with people like Ekko and radically reject Piltover and its values because they made him Othered and emotionally miserable.

How even cooler of a character he would be, if he said ‘screw you’ to the discriminatory society and tried to build sth different the way he did in League Lore with Blitzcrank (rip) and augmenting people who wanted that sort of help. The transhumanist part of augmentation is kind of complicated, as I explained in the 1st post, but hey, Viktor isn't supposed to be morally perfect. He's all shades of gray and that’s why I love him. But S2 changed him so dramatically, made him do things contradictory to the original character from S1. He became a plot device, not the active engine of social change, and that just makes me uneasy.

In order to make a real change Viktor initially wanted, he’d have to accept his Otherness and become the Radical Other on his own terms FORM THE VERY BEGINNING OF SEASON 2. He’d leave Piltover and Jayce behind for good, because that would be true to his character's values. It would make sense for him to be angry, resentful, scornful. It hurts to say this as a Jayvik shipper but only a bit, just a tiny bit. Imagine the Divorce Era if Viktor went this direction and they never reconnected? Doomed, tragic. Imagine the yearning and inability to reconcile their contradicting worldviews. Soulmates this, partners that, but what about actually giving Viktor a character arc? (i’m partially joking, don't come at me)

Anyway, this approach, with understanding of the role the affects have in political contexts, would be more subversive and focused on the characters' motivations. It'd show how the affects reflect the bigger picture of socioeconomic state of both cities' dynamics. The affect of rage felt and expressed during various events which caused social changes is integral to the history of emancipation and freedom in our world. Arcane touches real political issues but downplays Zaunite characters’ actions and affects. It's supposed to reflect really important issues. But Viktor in S2 is angry only for a split second, and we're not even sure if it's his own anger or if it's just Warwick's blood and Arcane connecting them for a moment. What S2 showed us in Viktor's case is that when the Other gets angry, they’re alienated further and further…

VIOLENCE, NECROPOLITICS & ABJECTIFICATION

Philosopher Simone Weil wrote that violence/force is the thing that takes away human choice. Systemic violence committed by Piltover took away many choices from Zaunite characters, but they still managed to adapt (Silco, Vander, Jinx, Ekko). Their actions are normal reactions to abnormal circumstances. That’s why Viktor’s decision to use the Hexcore in S1 is understandable - he’s dying because of Piltover causing industrial pollution in Zaun. Yet he made a choice to discard the chance to live after he accidentally killed Sky. He was still the idealist he started as in act 1 of S1, who valued human life above all else, even if it meant losing his own.

It doesn't feel right from his character arc’s perspective, but it’s a bit understandable that at the end of S2 he said choice is false. Because even when he chose his own fate in S1, the choice was taken from him - in an act of violence committed by a fellow Zaunite (Jinx) and then by his partner. Yes, Jayce merging Viktor with the Hexcore is a difficult decision he made, he saved Viktor’s life, it was out of love, but it’s still violence done from selfish reasons (it’s sort of resembling real situations in which cancer patients refuse treatment while their families push them to change their mind). This isn't ok, to have a disabled character make an autonomous choice regarding his body and life, only then to be taken away by an able-bodied character. Disabled people’s physical boundaries are so often crossed and ignored in medical and social contexts, and it’s maddening to see Viktor experience that in S2.

Now, as an important note to Viktor’s analysis, I’ll delve into violence as an inherent part of social and political conflict. Violence itself is much more than military context. We see a group of Zaunites join the Enforcers in the last episode, they even die during the Noxian invasion while wearing Enforcers’ uniforms, as we see in Gert's final moment (the Zaunites fighting for Piltover is ridiculous, it just blows my mind. Gert and Vi should have been girlfriends change my mind). When discussing violence and protest sociologist Walter Benjamin noted that people in power create legal orders and governments in order to decide what’s considered lawful and unlawful violence. Police can do violence because their actions are sanctioned.

Jinx is considered the biggest threat because her violence isn’t sanctioned. Piltover associates a 'good' type of violence with uniforms and flags, weapons created to ‘defend’ the City of Progress which are wielded by the police. While we see police brutality as evil in S1 and Caitlyn sees the corruption this status quo causes, she then leans into it in S2 and abjectifies Zaunites (more on that later). She gasses them and declares martial law. She might be conflicted and then betrays Ambessa, but it’s not developed enough, so I criticize the message based on what we got - and we got no accountability for the state sanctioned violence.

The theory of necropolitics, created by Joseph-Achille Mbembe, states that politics is the power to decide whose lives matter and whose death is justified or unnoted. He writes about this theory specifically in connection to colonialism and racism. I want to use Mbembe's theory to explain how Arcane's narrative allows necropolitics to be implicitly shown but never explicitly addressed.

In S2 Caitlyn abused her power and made a (necro)political decision when she unleashed the Grey on Zaun. And it isn't addressed. The action is justified because it ‘cleared the streets of the criminals’. Their lives aren’t notable. We can imagine the gassing influenced not only the chem-lords and their gangs, but countless citizens of Zaun too. Caitlyn’s politics, and Piltover’s in general, categorizes Zaunite lives as expendable. Necessary sacrifices for progress. Justified, somewhat indirect killing. We have many examples of such political decisions in our world I think...

And at the very end, Viktor is also forgotten, nobody puts his name in the bowl during the tribute on the bridge, he’s considered a villain (‘Viktor is at the center of all of this, isn't he?’). Necropolitics explains that political power also decides who is worth grieving. With this in mind, I think S2 gives a very uncomfortable message. Judith Butler explains it quite well in Frames of war. They write:

Ungrievable lives are those that cannot be lost and cannot be destroyed, because they already inhabit lost and destroyed zone; they are ontologically, and from the start, already lost and destroyed, which means that when they are destroyed in war, nothing is destroyed. (Butler, Frames of war)

And who died in this war? Viktor, the empathetic scientific genius, the disabled man, the Zaunite.

Other Zaunites died too. So did Jayce. It’s incoherent how Jayce goes from declaring Viktor as dangerous to then dying together while touching foreheads in a Zaunite gesture of love. I mean, I get it, Viktor is actively turning everyone into senseless machines which is objectively bad. But from the narrative perspective it irks me that the creators decided it’ll be Viktor and Jayce who bear the consequences of this conflict. Not the Council, not the nobles of Piltover, not the police. And we can only assume that some of the Zaunites who died in the war against Noxus were remembered on the bridge. But why is it that they had to die in police uniforms while protecting Piltover in order to become worth grieving?

Sara Ahmed also writes that associating certain affects with a group of people makes it easier not to grieve for them. The way people of Piltover speak about Zaunites exemplifies it: addicts, criminals, animals, creatures, demons in Piltover's basement, trenchers, associated with disease, lack of order, threat, dirt, danger.

Making Viktor ungrievable in the end is also pretty fucking bad on writers' part, because in many societies disabled people are oftentimes considered socially useless, expendable and half dead already. With Viktor’s story as context this is even more unsettling.

Earlier I made a point that Caitlyn abjectifies the Zaunites. Abjectification, as Butler writes, is an act of turning certain groups considered inherently dangerous into ‘abjects’ and not subjects of the political stage. Abjection basically means an emotional and bodily reaction to something considered repulsive, uncomfortable, threatening and undesirable. According to Piltover's (necro)politics Zaunites are abjectified and need to be managed with sanctioned violence for 'public good'. The narrative of S2 tried to fool us with the ‘humanity needs to be protected’ plot while using Viktor and foreign military as threats. I see it as another attempt at dodging actually important and difficult discussion of class divisions and power dynamics. They did, after all, make Zaunite the final boss. 

I wrote at length about Viktor's relationship to his embodiment and how the concept of Other is important while reading his arc. His body isn't normative so it's abjectified from the start. His disability is a marker of difference. Butler in their book Bodies that Matter explains that abjectification is a process that creates 'unlivable and uninhabitable zones of social life' in which certain people exist not as subjects, but beneath 'the domain of the subject'. In Arcane it's perfectly exemplified in the way Zaunites live literally under Piltover - their lower social status is signified by the proxemics of the cities. Viktor wasn't allowed to inhabit certain spaces both in Zaun and Piltover due to his disability and social status. He was then taken into the 'unlivable zone' in his own narrative because his agency and anger had been taken away. He was then made into a villain and died. This way he was abjectified by Piltover's systemic violence and its necropolitics as well as the writers' own unconscious process of abjectification.

Viktor was Othered on many levels within the story, he was this way because the creators made this decision, they made him a disabled person and a Zaunite. As I pointed out before, representation has real life consequences and writers have responsibility when they write characters with experiences similar to real people. In Viktor's case people with disabilities and lower social class. In the end of S2, Viktor vanishes completely, ungrievable, abjectified, no more a subject with his own affects and dreams. He became the 'abjected outside' as Butler would call this status. He was literally sucked into the rune, away from Piltover. Abjected outside, rejected yet again (maybe this time on his terms, but why should the narrative force him to bear the emotional labor of this decision? why punish him for adapting into abnormal circumstances he was thrown into?), forever an outsider looking in...

Jayce might say the final fight is about ‘humanity itself’, but I see it for what it is - a veil hiding the fact that writing Zaun vs Piltover civil war would mean admitting that Zaunites have the right to fight the abjectification. And there’s no way we can deny the real world implications of that.

THE SPECTACLE OF OTHERING

The very first thing that specifically sparked my idea to write this extensive analysis was this frame:

The marionette is perfect in form, white and gold (like Mel’s og outfit), slim and fancy, perfect by Piltover standards, but still has the Zaunite touch of art nouveau aesthetic. It’s made from flesh of a Zaunite and the metal that came from the industrial waste in the pits of Zaun.

The marionette is displayed by Jayce and evokes a reaction of fear in the people gathered. It’s lying on the table, looking graceful but uncanny. Everyone in the room is scared because it’s inhuman and dangerous. Even when Viktor inhabited what he thought was an embodiment of perfection, in the end the Pilties still rejected him. Because he’s from Zaun, he’s a creature, Zaunites are not human in their eyes - so is Viktor no matter how he changes. He's dead already, even for Jayce.

It scares me how unsettling it is when Jayce unveils the marionette - basically Huck's corpse that Viktor used, it doubles the distress I feel when I see it. The body of a Zaunite was used by his fellow citizen whose goal was the betterment of the Undercity, but turned into eugenics because of him internalising the stigmatisation. Both Huck and Viktor were oppressed because of their origins and disability, and in the end they both die.

In S1 Viktor is considered by Jayce as one of ‘the good ones’ - same way Vi was called by Maddie. But Viktor remarks he’s still a Zaunite and isn't different to those Jayce calls dangerous. He reveals Jayce’s prejudice; as much as Jayce loves Viktor he’s still shaped by his environment. Thinking of Viktor as an exception confirms Jayce’s unconscious conviction that Zaunites are Other, they can be dangerous.

Ironic, how at the end in the Council chamber Jayce presents Viktor as the ultimate danger. It’s an odd parallel. In S1 Jayce orders a blockade, locking Zaunites’ access to the bridge, so they get angry (remember the affects stuff?), and then Jayce calls them dangerous... In S2 Jayce indirectly calls Viktor the biggest threat and names the Hexgates ‘the last bastion of salvation’, he then tries to make it inaccessible for Viktor. Viktor should be absolutely fuckin' fumin' babes.

Jayce talking about the threat Viktor poses in S2 is reestablishing Jayce’s bias from S1 when he ordered the blockade and told Viktor in the face that Zaunites are threats. Gurl, your partner is a Zaunite. One season later Jayce presents the marionette and actively portrays his ex(partner) as the bad guy.

And then Jayce’s character does some real gymnastics in the astral plane when he expresses his love to Viktor hoping to snap him out of Machine Herald mode. If Jayce loved all of Viktor and truly understood him, then why the fuck did the writers made their actions and statements contradicting several times. If they had good writing skills left, they’d write Jayce like at the end of S1 when he took Viktor to the Council, finally let him speak and declare the proposition of Zaun’s independence. Writers could just… not do all that Jayce Judas Era in act 2 in S2. Idk fam, these characters were just devices to push preexisting tropes and cliches forward, the series turned into Avengers instead of more compelling and character driven story it was before. I’m mad again, so let’s move on.

The display of the marionette reminds me again, more literally, of the freak shows where disabled people were a show for able-bodied audiences (I wrote about that more in the 1st post). The doll might look perfect, but we know it's a corpse of a marginalized person addicted to shimmer who acquired a facial deformity before Viktor healed him. The marionette is a stand-in for Viktor, a disabled person who's now being talked about by Jayce as the looming threat to all of society, humanity even, ‘both bottom and top’ (love how Sevika and Scar walked out, I know that's right!). 

The doll on display is like an extension of the spectacle that was Viktor's body in both seasons. He's the character whose nudity is shown the most often in S1 and S2, it’s borderline voyeuristic. His disabled body is on display when he experiments on himself in the lab, we see close-ups of his back brace, we see him crawl on the floor in nothing but underwear and braces. Not to mention the self-injuries he makes by craving runes on his body. In S2 he’s basically naked all the time except for the goddamn blanket. His body is hyper-visible because of things he uses to aid it: the cane, crutch, leg brace, back brace; and because of his body itself: the nudity, skinny frame, pale skin, dark circles under eyes, prominent bones, greasy hair, bloody cuts.

As Rosemary Garland-Thompson wrote in Extraordinary bodies, disability is very often marked hyper-visible for the majorly able-bodied audience and causes a visceral reaction of compassion, pity, awkwardness, fear, uneasiness, sadness. I can’t talk for everybody’s emotional reactions to the scenes I'm referencing of course, but there’s something to be said about the choice the creators made when framing Viktor’s bare body. Physical disability and self-injuries are very misunderstood and make many people anxious, because they’re different from what’s considered ‘normal’ or rational by the normative rules of society. Both Viktor’s disability and self-injuries are markers of his extreme vulnerability as well as desperation and unpredictability of his actions.

For me, an able-bodied person, these scenes feel too intimate and painful to watch without feeling like a voyeur. I even feel weird putting the picture for reference. Not because his body itself makes me uncomfortable. It’s about the visual framing of him that the creators made, and it feels like a spectacle of Viktor’s ‘broken’ body and his moral downfall in S1. It allows us to deeply empathise with him and see him at his lowest, which isn’t a bad thing all together, it’s a raw depiction of pain and determination, integral to his character arc and embodiment. At the same time these scenes are like a double-edged sword and can be read as extremely exploitative.

Ahmed claims that there's no private suffering. That what we experience on our own is always linked to the outside, to the societal rules, cultural meaning and politics that influence our lives, our embodiment. She also writes that it's imperative to respond to the pain of other people, to respond to our pain and act. This idea ties to the Feminist Killjoy role and affects I wrote about. Viktor suffers on his own basically until the very end, only to have Jayce's loving presence in their final moments. Viktor's suffering was a direct effect of politics and socioeconomic situation he lived in. As Ahmed writes, in order to respond to pain, social movements such as feminism must open up safe spaces for the disclosure of pain. We need make spaces for the 'speaking about pain'. This, for Ahmed, is a condition that allows for unification of people in 'different stories of pain that cannot be reduced to a ground, identity or sameness' (The Cultural Politics of Emotion).

This is the reason Viktor needed to meet other Zaunites, other disabled people and speak about his pain. Speak about his disability. Viktor should have been given agency to 'speak in one's voice' (as Garland-Thompson wrote) and 'speak about pain' (as Ahmed wrote). Then his arc wouldn't become a spectacle of Othering, it would be a raw story of emancipation that wouldn't fall easily into the Inspirationally Disabled/Disadvantaged trope.

Viktor’s body is an inseparable part of his character, but it makes me uneasy how the focus on his body is fetishistic at times. And then the doll he controls in S2, while it looks perfect… is still unsettling to see. And it's displayed by Jayce in another form of spectacle... Narratively speaking, he’s an outsider just like when he first stepped foot in Piltover. He’s not dying now, his physical disability is gone, but he got rid of the body that was his lived experience. And it's depressing to watch.

Viktor depersonalized after emerging from the hexgoop (?), he seems to be apathetic and disoriented (‘What am I?’). The body horror part is reminiscent of the freak shows where disability was a pathological state, congruous to monstrosity. We don't get Viktor’s inner thoughts and feelings on his body’s current state and that's stupid. His experience was inextricably connected to his body and how he experienced this embodiment. And he was disconnected from it. Because the writers thought so??? And didn't bother to explore it???

It's a question of what makes us ‘us’ - body? mind? soul? There are multiple metaphysical answers to that. Arcane tried to be meta with Viktor's Messiah arc but it falls flat in the end. He basically became transhuman three times! (after getting out the goop, being in the astral plane where he exists beyond flesh and its ‘limitations’, and at the end when he became the alien Machine Herald) That's crazy. I'm not getting into the transhumanism part of his LOL Lore and what it could mean, but I firmly believe it still should have been a part of Arcane Viktor's story, we prolly would need one more season to explore everything I suggest.

What Jayce shows when displaying the marionette is a sacrifice on an altar - Viktor’s character and all of Zaun were sacrificed by the narrative and creators for the sake of a generic plot where the good guys (actual oppressors) have to fight the big bad (actually oppressed) who’s going to end all of humanity. This ignores the reason Viktor even does what he does - the root of it all is Piltover's necropolitics and the establishment that doesn't allow social change 

It's even exemplified in Vi and Cait staying together - Cait loses an eye but so what, she still gets rewarded by the narrative. She isn’t held accountable for her actions and gets a girlfriend whose trauma isn’t explored by the writers at all. The implications of Vi’s relationship with a former cop and fascist aren’t addressed, and it’s considered romantic by the creators and many fans. Sorry, but I can’t ship CaitVi the way I used to. My lesbian heart is broken, but I can’t in good faith consider this ship as anything but romanticization of abuse and a complete lack of class consciousness on creators' part. I wanted Cait and Vi together, happy. But not the way it turned out in the final version. Fanfiction writers you're my only hope for fixing this.

FINAL THOUGHTS

In the end the person who gets to tell the story is Cait, the Piltie and an enforcer turned dictator, who embodied the oppressive practices and the status quo which thrived from inequality and militarism of the police. The winners tell the story, people like Jinx, Silco and Viktor are painted as villains when they actually had reasons to rage against the Piltover's machine of bigotry and hatred fueled by greed of the privileged. 

Viktor's name was removed from the Hexgates’ blueprints, he was forgotten as he feared he would be, he wasn’t grieved by anyone. Necropolitics at its finest. And that makes me fucking sad and pissed off. He deserved so much more. Yes, Arcane is a tragedy and all, but Viktor's arc in S2 is astoundingly OOC and destroys the core themes his story established in S1. And the ending he gets, even though he’s with Jayce, gives a very off-putting message. Sorry JayVik nation, I’m one of you, but the writing is as poetic as it is problematic.

This story is so centrist, pro-establishment actually, and not as subversive as it promised to be. It treats rebellion as an aesthetic and sacrifices characters from the oppressed group in order to uphold the power of the oppressors. Because to show that political change is possible they’d have to acknowledge what's wrong with the system, how it affects real people, how affects such as anger are justified, how abjectification, othering and violence destroy people and their entire worlds.

This destruction, the senseless waste and conflict Viktor speaks of, that's what happened to Powder/Jinx and Vi in the 1st act of S1. We saw what happened on the bridge, with Vander and Silco's anger that went further and further. The main story started with a group of kids robbing a wealthy apartment because they needed things, they needed money, they were Zaunites taking from Piltover because these kids were growing up 'knowing they're less than them'...

I needed Viktor and Vi's traumas to be talked about by them, in their own voices. They needed to speak about their pain. Too bad if CaitVi and JayVik wouldn’t work as ships then. That would be the real thing. A tragedy. They'd split because the political climate and differences in their values are impossible for them to reconcile. Either that, or the Piltover cast had to admit their wrongs and actively help their loved ones in Zaun’s rebellion. And it should have happened not only because Jayce loves Viktor and Cait loves Vi, but because Jayce and Caitlyn see the inherent value in Zaun’s freedom. Cait saw Ekko’s community in S1 and still became a fascist. Jayce heard Viktor’s stance on weaponization of their work and saw the real consequence of Piltover’s oppression while witnessing Viktor slowly dying, being so destroyed by everything he even considered suicide. And this is the real tragedy - Cait and Jayce could have been actual allies. But we don't live in the timeline where such a story was told.

We got a promising S1 with a really compelling premise (Silco they would never make me hate you) and then it got fucked up. The threat isn't the government, it's the stigmatized group acting out because they’re pushing back against the oppressors. The person whose actions are deemed evil is a Zaunite aided by the foreign warmonger. It shifts our focus to outside forces (Ambessa) influencing Piltover and scapegoats Viktor as the ultimate danger. The Other, not a radical one. The reason he became the Herald in Arcane was his internalized bigotry perpetuated by the government and society of Piltover. It wasn't Viktor becoming a Zaunite Killjoy because he wanted to. Because that was the right thing to do. I’m so mad y’all, if you couldn’t tell by now.

If you start a story about oppression then commit to it, cowards. But that was never the intention of the writers, centrist bs shows and it’s not a good look.

They character assassinated basically everyone because writers wanted a cliche ending. It was enjoyable but not compelling. It was visually stunning, animation, as they say, fucks severely, voice actors did an amazing job, the emotional layer was quite touching (altho emotional moments didn't feel earned enough), the music really slaps (Renegadeeeeee), Viktor’s looks were so tea they killed him 3 times. But in terms of writing? It’s a disappointment. In terms of storytelling and cultural meanings? I think you got my idea, nothing could stop me from overintellectualizing this show.

That being said, I love Viktor even though I've got a lot of critical thoughts on the final version of his arc and the message the creators give on disability rep which is... not coherent. Not good sometimes. But for sure Viktor is complex and very important as a disabled character in popular media. And I will love him until the day I die and then some.

Why did I write this? Idk. Perhaps because I can't shake off the feeling that Arcane writers touched so many important philosophical and social/cultural concepts but didn't do the research or commit to the premise and lost an important message. I wanted to analyse it because as Garland-Thompson said representation shapes identity and lives of real people. I’m happy to see how many people love Viktor and feel represented. I'm glad to see so many people enjoy him while being critical. His story is complex, there’s many points to be made, my take is only one of many, so… the answer would be that we need more disability representation that involves actual disabled people’s voices in the creative process. It’s their experiences and opinions that matter.

TL;DR Viktor’s arc in S2 is a trainwreck, I mourn what could have been. He’s one of the characters ever tho, important for creating nuanced disability representation. There’s a ton of themes needed to be further explored. Implementing culture studies and philosophy into Arcane took me over a week to research through my notebooks from Uni. The writers of S2 had almost no idea what they wanted to say about anything other than maybe 'riots are cool, but actually overthrowing the government is a bit much'. Is Viktor still an icon, a legend, a moment? Come on now.

This is a draft of my PhD and THAT’s all. Anyway,

Viktor you'll always be famous to me

[16wheelerhorse]

Please please do a lando x ex!reader. Angst because hey’d broken up when she fell pregnant but he wasn’t ready. And now seeing her pregnant in the paddock is doing stuff to him. Eventually he can’t take it anymore and he fucks her…hard.

Burning By Design

pairing: Lando Norris x ex girlfriend reader (m/f)

rating: explicit

word count: 4,7 k

tags/warnings: smut, angst with a happy ending (maybe, maybe), toxicity, 3rd trimester pregnancy, unprotected sex (not recommended by author!!), rough sex (p.i.v.), pregnancy fetish (if you squint), 2nd person POV, past tense, no "y/n" or OC names used

a/n (header): title by shame. apologies for the wait. i have study related work. this might be as fast as i get. anyway, i really enjoyed writing this and am hoping for more requests :)

At first, he could not believe what he was seeing.

It was almost too stupid to process.

Perhaps, the A plot of a sitcom he had not consented to be part of. Perhaps, a form of divine intervention punishing him for blasphemy and pride, firmly guided by its own self-importance. More likely, a parasitic thought coming up from the basement of his mind to taunt him before the sprint. They like to wake up when there is light upstairs, when he is finally doing well again.

It immediately became clear that it wasn’t a dark daydream playing tricks on him, however. Nightmares are bold and unsparing, certainly not afraid of little Lando Norris. Certainly wouldn’t hide their face at their eyes meeting, wouldn’t try to scurry away.

As much as it irritated him, made him lose track of what he had planned before the race, he couldn’t let you run. Couldn’t let you get away with showing your face around the paddock again, putting yourself at risk of getting caught by the cameras before he could give you a warning. 

Lando didn’t have time to think about the consequences of the gossip that would ensue thanks to your caprice. He almost sprinted to you, capturing your arm in a firm grip.

“Hello?”

It rang loud in the heat of the moment, prompting the closest heads to turn to face the two of you.

“Lando,” you replied, volume low and tone as calm as you could muster, avoiding catching another glimpse in his direction.

You heard him exhale sharply behind you, hand travelling to the back of your neck, pressing on first vertebra he could feel beneath your skin. Continuing to walk, Lando led you to a quiet corner near the public bathrooms. He leaned in, breath ghosting past the shell of your ear. “May I ask exactly what brings you here of all places?”

His bratty tone triggered you even more than you had anticipated. You swallowed, keeping your expression stone cold. “I’m here to watch some racing. You know, one of the most normal things a person could be doing around here.”

He clicked his tongue, and you could sense him examining every detail of your appearance. Your parted lips letting a jagged breath escape. The oversized crewneck attempting to hide your enlarged belly, reminding him of the times when you used to borrow his clothes. Sunglasses to prevent you from being recognized, playing the same role as the unseen tint to your hair, arranged carefully with the intent to cover up the tattoo behind your ear - “I♡”, a Roman numeral. Lando couldn’t decide which detail hurt him the most.

“I see. Right after I lost the championship, which makes it all the more interesting, of course,” His words were laced with passive aggression, hand squeezing the skin around your spine. “So interesting you couldn’t, like, be satisfied with a screen… I mean, are you even allowed to travel, for fucks sake?!” He pressed a finger into the firmness of your belly.

You jerked away, finally turning to glare at him. “Don’t fucking touch me,” you mumbled, pulling down the hem of your sweatshirt. “Yes, I should be able to do so until week thirty-six. I’m healthy.”

Lando gave you a slow nod as he examined you, chewing on his lip. He seemed tense and somewhat worn out, the end of the year fast approaching, but it was the same man you had had on your mind for months. His eyes were soft and lively, with him sporting some light stubble on his face, same as when you had your last proper conversation; thick hair and eyebrows, a wild mess of curls you wished you could grab a handful of, even at that moment.

“Good,” he replied softly. “That’s a relief, then.”

You let out a cold laugh. “As of you give a fuck, suddenly.”

He straightened his back, drawing closer to you again. “It is still my baby,” he retaliated with a muted whine.

“In theory only. Which should be a relief to you. Now you have all the time in the world to be second.”

Disregarding your protest, Lando pulled you against himself, snatching away your sunglasses so that nothing was shielding you from his stare. “You bitch…!” He shook his head, almost as a warning. “Unlike you, I can be proud of myself.”

“Yeah...? Well. I ain't one to be controlling somebody's opinions. Good for you, Lando.”

No matter how well-intended your statement was - or wasn't -, it didn't fly with the boy in question. “I think you’ve said enough for today,” he gripped your arms tighter. His reply was full of contempt, with Lando making it clear his will to listen was much the same as his remaining respect for you. “I know why you’re here. You think you’re about to witness my downfall or something, that I’m getting weak. That you have a chance to embarrass me by any means possible.”

There was growing intensity to his voice, persistence. Lando didn’t process arguments like others would. He liked having an equal opponent to bounce off of, someone who could take his jabs and bite back. All because a part of him loved being bitten, torn down and mocked, so he would have a chance to see the vehemence in your eyes, hear the words picking him apart - so obsessed, so captured by the dance between you. 

And sometimes, it hit just right, the soft spot on his underside that made him lie back and revel in the pain. It was the easiest thing to do. Give up the fight.

This didn’t seem like one of those days, however. Lando really did appear to be standing stronger after Vegas. There were urgent flames starting to appear in his gaze, accented by the orange color of his suit. He was hell bent on proving you wrong. Judging by the way his hands lingered on the sides of your belly, they would have been all over you had you two been in private.

You kept your cool, raising an eyebrow at him. “That sounds like a lot of work. You must be mistaken. I’m minding my own business; you are the one trying to insert yourself back into it.”

“Your business? Like you are going anything except fuck all.”

“Yes, very serious business. I need to find a good man to support me and my baby. There should be plenty around here." Pause. "Still, I can’t be picking just anybody.”

Lando was cut off mid inhale. He looked over you with near disgust, his grip tightening as thoughts of someone else possessing you clouded his mind. It was always too easy to rile him up that way. Make him reveal many of his least sufferable qualities, intensify the competition he was always part of, with both others and himself.

“Ah-hah. Who do you have eyes on, then?” he kept presssing, tongue running over his lips. “Tell me.”

You ran over some names for a second. “Lewis.”

He let out a laugh with a note of played up cruelty in it, flashing his teeth. “Shut up. That’s way out of your league.”

“Okay. Then, hm. Why don’t you tell me who would piss you off the most?” you mocked. “Always beefing with men with way more integrity than you. Like a spoiled little chihuahua.”

You pulled at his waist, which was molded perfectly for your palms, until your stomach was pressed against the solid muscles under his suit. As you looked up, his eyes were already on yours.

What a waste of a pretty face he was.

“Well, who? Oscar? Max?”

His cheeks grew redder at a rapid rate. “Don’t drag them into this. They’re both happily taken.”

“Yeah? And did that stop you from leaving?” You smirked, keeping your ground. “No. As I said, being a real man isn’t for everyone.”

Lando's eyes darkened. “All that talk, it’s funny, you know that. I’m sure you do, yet you’re quite shit at admitting you’ve messed up. Don’t look at me like that…” he snapped at the face you made.

“All this anger can’t be good for your body.” His fingers were back on the side of your belly, stroking gently. “All that… freaking idiocy. You chose to bang a guy at the highest point of his career – so far. A guy who wasn’t even twenty-five then, a guy who’d just won his first race. And for what? For me to leave everyone behind? You had a fucking chance; you had a chance to abort-”

“Maybe if you hadn’t tried to push your money into my face. Crying about how I was trying to trap you? Seriously?”

“Okay, whatever excuse you had,” he scoffs, laying his hand on one of the arms holding his waist. “But don’t come to me pretending like I fucked everything up. When you let yourself get pounded by guy who isn’t even a real man…”

“Lando…”

“And you loved it.” His voice had gotten close to a whisper, gaze softly studying your wide-eyed expression. “You were obsessed… I shouldn’t be surprised you kept the baby, you always wanted a piece of me, right?” 

He smirked. “You still are, are you not? You missed me, it’s why you came. Just say it.”

Your heart sank to the bottom of your stomach. A fuck-up. Even a fool like him could see right through you.

His words were dirty, and they cut you deep. You could never forget those days, the pinnacle of your love him for him. How he had held you as they were snapping him with white light, bleaching the red flags in the distance into a warm pink that took over your eyes.

You had made love that same night, and you had been careless. You had said too much, things too strong to ever take back. He hadn’t understood, but you were sure he could remember everything.

It was all your fault, falling too deep, too soon. 

“No,” you denied his claim, voice cracking.

“Yeeaah. Still obsessed with little old me…” he reached forward to pinch your cheek, grinning as if the battle had already been won. There was hunger in his eyes that made you flinch. “You want me the way I used to be. When nothing mattered as much as you.”

He could read what was on your mind through your eyes. The mirror of the soul.

Stupid fucking idiot. If only he were as dumb as people liked to think. 

“Yes…”

It was almost inaudible. “Say what?”

“Forget it, Lando. Just… forget about me. I’m sorry, I made a m-”

There was the soft pad of his finger pressing on your lips.

“Shhh…”

Lando smiled at you like a wild animal he’s managed to tame, a beauty he could take all to himself now.

You closed your eyes, expecting what was coming.

He replaced his finger with his lips when he was an inch away and pressed hard. His exhale was absorbed by your skin as he pushed you closer to himself with his palm on the back of your neck, not letting you escape. He didn’t hesitate to wet your lips with his tongue, try to part them while you held on, freezing at the sensation of a hand having reached for your breast.

You let out a sob and felt him grinning against you. His teeth nipped at your lip, impatient and commanding, bruising the delicate skin. You refused to open up.

Lando pulled away just far enough to inhale, clawing at the bra under your clothes that was preventing him from feeling your skin.

“What? You literally just showed me that I was right. You pathetic fucking girl.”

This mockery was delivered the form of a quiet purr, teasing but insisting you to stay. At that point, nothing could hide you from Lando’s obvious arousal, the struggle that was your haughty, self-defeating mind making adrenaline flow through his body, much like rivalry between drivers. But you were more gorgeous than any shining trophy or livery, so enticingly vulnerable, a canvas he could see his own work displayed on.

His eyes were impossible to meet. If it were feasible, you would have had him kiss you with them. Burn your skin with the intensity of his gaze, then sooth you with the dreams he held in them, the coolness of light and his beautiful shade of green. Scar you with the batting of his lashes until you lost the ability to bleed for anybody else.

“Lan, we can’t.”

“You’re fucking crying…” he pointed out, his chuckle low and deep, wiping any sincerity from your words. “Yeah, we can. We will.”

You swallowed. You had never felt so feeble yet so willing to be. “Take me somewhere. Touch me, please, I need you--”

A dirty smirk formed on his face, despite which you let him tug you to one of the toilets, refusing to acknowledge the setting and directing all of your attention to his lips. After he locked the door, you were pressed against the wall in an instant, one of his hands moving up to your face and the other struggling to pull up the layers covering your stomach.

Lando’s look was utterly lewd as your swelling lips wrapped around his index and middle finger, sucking all the way up to his metacarpals as you squeezed his wrist with desperation. Your pupils, wide and glimmering in the low light of the room, were firmly focused on the veins on the back of his large hand, with Lando helping you roll up his sleeve to reveal them running further down his forearm. 

You did not have the guts to face his insufferable grin. “Crazy, it’s all yours,” Lando laughed, conceited and mocking, reveling in the shameful thirst in your eyes. He looked down at his fingertips exploring the curve of your exposed belly, following their path with filth written all over his face. It was as if he’d discovered a muse, unexplored fertile land to roam and sow full of sin.

“Fuck,” he cursed, reaching lower to undo your jeans. You let Lando’s soaked fingers slip out of your mouth as your breath hitched, whimpering when his hand pushed aside your panties for a more enticing view. 

He ogled at your clit peeking through an unshaved bush, flushed warm pink and begging for his touch. His finger went to brush past it, making you gasp and bend, and disappeared between the soaked lips of your pussy.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he muttered, glancing up with a bright, teasing flame in his green eyes, a look that understood the obscenity you were about to fall in the arms of. “For me.”

The word was accented in a manner that made your cheeks burn red in shame. You didn’t think you could admit to the disgraceful act of falling for him again, accept the way your body was reacting to his voice, his touch, his presence. He had you in full control, all but on your knees begging to be taken.

“How does that make you feel, huh?” Lando was grinning, his hand leaving your heat to undo his collar and pull down the zipper of his racing suit.

Your teeth were gnawing at your bottom lip unconsciously, heart about to leap out of your chest in a plea it was unable to scream.“Uhm… I-I missed this…”

“Missed what?” Lando asked with feigned innocence. “This?” He guided your arm to the bulge nestled in his uniform, pressing it into your open palm. A laugh escaped him as he batted his eyelashes at you with a pleased smirk plastered all over his face. “To think it made you into this,” he drawled as his other hand trailed from your baby bump up to your chest, cupping one of your tits and squeezing hard. “Am I being stupid or have they gotten bigger?”

“Yes to both,” you sighed as he began removing your top and sweatshirt, sliding them over your head. Your clothes and bra were tossed on the floor without care as Lando’s pupils grew wider at the sight of your enlarged breasts and areolas. There were darker stripes forming on your tummy and visible veins painted your chest, which made you flush under his gaze as you looked down. “You fucking ass.”

Lando did not let that fly. His hand wrapped around your neck, with a finger supporting the chin lifting it up to face him. “Was that one of your wishes right there?”

“No,” you gulped, raging need taking over your brain and making you unable to consider your own words. Your clit was silently throbbing and walls crying out in pain, begging for a hard dick taking you and stretching them out. “P-please… I need it in my pussy, Lando.”

He let out a breathless chuckle, with a low sound resembling a moan escaping his throat. “Ohhh. You’re begging, and I didn’t even have to ask. Fucking begging for my cock…”

Lando said these kinds of things not only to rile you up further, but also to help convince himself that they were somehow – miraculously – real. Earlier that day, he could never have guessed what he, what you would come to – and he would have done anything to make it happen. Your words and the sight of you were raw power, adrenaline flooding his veins, a vain delicacy for his horny and famished body.

His hands were trembling in anticipation as he wrestled out of the top half of his suit, letting it hang limp around his legs, and pushing his bottoms just low enough to free his aching dick. You stared at it with all thoughts but one wiped from your head while he rushed to peel off his skin-tight shirt, letting it fall from his fingers as he looked over you with a smirk.

This was between you, him, and whatever devil had gotten the better of you. It had really come to that. Throwing away everything you had convinced yourself of to feel his flesh against yours, to taste the rush of blood you had been missing for oh so long.

He leaned in to kiss you again, every bit of his body buzzing drunk with lust, his tongue warm and sticky against your lips when he moaned inside your mouth. “I hope he or she is asleep. I wouldn’t want mini me to witness the shit I’m about to do to you.”

Pulling down your undone jeans with your underwear and guiding himself in with the other hand, Lando entered your weeping pussy, curse words and groans erupting from his throat as soon as he’d felt the heat inside you.

“Oh my fucking God,” he exclaimed in a choked cry, “you – oh my dear, my God, you…”

You two were complete and unsalvageable wrecks. The only thing you could do was hold onto your belly for dear life as he began thrusting in and out of your oversensitive cunt, nails digging into one of your ass cheeks and pulling to spread you open wider. In return, your hand flew to squeeze one of his pecs, capturing his nipple between your fingers. 

Lando was unceremoniously loud, with your own moans ringing out almost inaudible among his sounds and the wet noises filling the small space. “Ah, shit. Fuck. You’re, like… hotter inside. So, so fucking tight…”

Your hormones were rushing through your blood in silent triumph as he pounded you, each of his veins and the head of his dick bringing a distinct detail of the sensation. It didn’t take long before you were sore, so incredibly sensitive and weak against his raging body that you were trapped in a tight embrace with. You yelped and clawed as he hit your cervix, causing him to crush your shoulder in a death grip, startled.

“Fuck, are you alright?” Lando blurted out as he stopped, appearing dazed from the lack of air.

“Just spare my uterus, okay? The baby adds pressure from the inside,” you panted, leaning your head against his flushed, sweaty chest. “I feel like you’re crushing him, we’re too close into each other. Is there a…”

“You want me to take you from the back?” Lando breathed, running his fingers down your back with a dirty grin. “Oh, hell yes.”

You were bent over the bathroom sink, your arms folded to prevent you from slipping off the tiny surface, with Lando behind you with your hair wrapped tightly around his right hand as he groped one of your heavy hanging breasts with the other. He was obsessed with the sight, muttering such filth that it made you unable to open your eyes, to face the mirror mere inches ahead of you.

“Look at me.” His tone was derisive as he managed to stammer in between moans, tugging ruthlessly on your hair. You swallowed, turning your head to the side. “In front of you.”

Lando had, quite frankly and unfortunately, never looked as sexy before. His sweat soaked skin glimmered in the low light casting shadows that brought out his defined muscles and the cartilage in his throat accented with each gulp. His mullet had been turned into a wet, untamable mop of curls resting on the top of his head. Slick with tears, the almost girlish lashes framing his eyes appeared longer and thicker, unmistakably enviable.

Best and worst of all, despite of what had happened, despite the time that had passed, he was still yours. He fucked you like it meant something, cried out like it was the only thing that felt right, painted scars and bruises on your back as a reminder of your helplessness for him. One you will never cease to feel.

“Pathetic,” Lando mocked right in your ear, having laid the upper half of his body on top of yours, face buried in a heap of hair. “You’ve always been so fucking miserable for me.”

You responded with the loudest cry you could ever wish to let out, muted by his large hand covering your mouth, so overtaken by him that not a single cell of your body would have fought back. He expressed his approval with a deep thrust, showing you gratitude by moving his fingers to your swollen clit, swiping up and down with tiny, rapid movements.

“I love you. Fuck, I-… I need you so God damn bad. …I’m going to cum, I’m not stopping—"

He parted his fingers, letting you respond with a moan. “Yeah… Please, please just fill me, fill this pregnant fucking pussy…”

Your breath hitched as you cried out obscenities to your man, much like the filth that resulted in him getting you pregnant in Miami some months ago. Filth you could never abstain from, filth you could chant for hours as long as you were with Lando, merging your bodies as you were once again proving nothing on Earth was stronger than the material tying you together. You felt yourself growing weaker, unable to contain the pool of sensitivity having overtaken your intimates.

“I’m coming… Oh, Lando, holy fuck…”

Lando could feel your pulse through your cramping walls as you came, tightening around him again and again, milking his cock right inside you. He unloaded with a deep, tortured groan, whimpering as each wave of his orgasm punched him in the heart. It was everything he could ever have wanted and more. Your pregnant body warm and snug against his, crying out his name in love, so dependent on him it could be broken with one touch.

“Oh, my…. You’re just perfect,” Lando heaved, straightening his back, all shaky and weakened by the amazing finish you had gifted him. You watched his reflection he pulled out, slowly and with care, watching his cum trickle down between your folds all the way to your abused clit. He cleaned his softening cock by wiping the leftover filth off against your bush, praising you with a worshipful caress of your curves as he stuffed himself back inside his suit. 

A yellowish liquid was leaking from the breast he had taken in his hand. Lando stopped you in your tracks, leaning down to bury his face in between your tender boobs, his warm lips and tongue not shying away from making you clean.

You gasped. Lando was purring, holding you tight in his powerful arms. Looking.

He had wrecked and built you back up, all just to blow everything you were into bits again. Made you a mess. A goddess. A hopeless starving animal. All to himself, in his own eyes.

In that moment, he had all of you to worship and adore. And he wanted to believe he wasn't stupid enough to let you slip away anymore.

“You may feel free to call me any names you want for leaving." He began after a long, soothing pause. "I am, admittedly, a huge fucking idiot.”

Still panting , you looked into his eyes in the mirror, your spine crying out in pain as you attempted to stand up straight. His words had you wanting to laugh. “Really, Lando?”

“…Is there a problem?”

Hugging your belly, you suddenly registered feeling cold. He rushed to pick your discarded clothes off the floor, offering them to you. You stared. “I dunno. Isn’t it funny how it took one good fuck for you to want to repent?”

“I-”

“I know you missed me. But I’m more than what I used to be, much more, and I don’t think you’ll be able handle it. It’s as you said.”

Lando gripped your garments in his fist as his jaw muscles tensed. For a moment, he considered saying something he’d regret. “I know. I need some time to think. A lot, maybe."

"But I’ll be keeping you close in the meantime, yeah?”

He stopped you from grabbing your underwear yourself, instead motioning you to stretch out your arms so he could dress his woman with his own hands. This Lando was more gentle than any version of him you could remember. 

His palm was warm and protective against your abdomen, rubbing soothing circles as he helped you pull your pants up again. ““He”, you said?”

How hard he was trying. Not a winner amongst men, but it was him. One you wished you would never have to move on from.

For a vulnerable girl, it was easy to fall again. 

You sighed. “Yes. For the record, I haven’t decided on anything yet.”

Lando’s eyes lit up as he grinned. “I kind of wish he was here already. He would really… love… watching me drive.”

His smile slowly disappeared as panic set in. “Oh god. I’m such an idiot.”

“Oh really? Haven’t we discussed?” you smirked, watching as Lando hurriedly put his racing suit back into shape. “In any case, don’t use this information to rear-end a Williams or a VCARB before the end of the season. This stays between us for now.”

“Okay, damn,” Lando pushed your shoulder playfully, adjusting his collar in the mirror and making sure his mullet wasn’t looking too shabby. You snuck your hand inside his hairdo, messing it up again. You had to. “Fuck you. This is all your fault. That pussy was so good I lost track of time.”

You lifted an eyebrow. “Weak.”

Lando turned to you one last time before unlocking the door, a wicked smirk plastered across his face. You didn’t have to wait for each other to lean in. It felt longer than a lifetime while you were kissing and shorter than a moment after he pulled away, your fingers still lost somewhere between his curls. His eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings as he gave a look to the brightest, smallest facet of his family.

“I gotta sprint, dear.” He gave you puppy-dog eyes. “You’re staying, I hope.”

You nodded. Lando reached for the hand in his hair, squeezing it in one of his. “Come watch with my mum! She can't stop asking me questions. Please.”

“But-”

“I want her to know. Don’t hide it. I ought to be a man.” He grinned, lifting your interlocked fingers up to his lips. 

Perhaps a ring was too early. Perhaps it was too late. Perhaps it would never happen.

But in that moment, a kiss was more than enough.

For that weekend, he would stay.

“I’ll do you proud, okay? Let’s go.”

That weekend, you felt like you were doing to be alright.

🧡 a/n (footnote): as you may know, in the sprint following the events of this fic, he returned the favor to oscar by letting him pass, which made many people warm up to him again. he would have made me very proud :) i hope this was at the very least not terrible, as i haven't finished a proper chapter or oneshot in quite a while. i literally never like my own works after finishing, so please let me know what you think! any corrections are welcome! i strive for accuracy and studied lando's speech quite a bit while writing. thank you for reading and have a good one loves!

[hugmekenobi]

I Do

A Bad Batch Post S3 Oneshot

Gif by @barissoffee

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Summary: Your wedding day finally arrives

Playlist for inspo:

Warnings: Limited (Y/N), swearing, reader nickname of 'Spark' and 'sweetheart' is used, wedding traditions mentioned and applied, my interpretation of the Force, my limited wedding ceremony knowledge, references to past torture and death, vague references to alcohol/hangovers, limited wedding dress description, LOTS of fluff and feelings, I make up a mission plan, kissing, for the sake of the plot they can leave Pabu safely, SMUT (dirty talk and innuendo, marking, reader wears lingerie, light body worship with mentions of scars, use of a toy, teasing, brief edging, light marriage kink if that's a thing?, switch reader and Hunter, unprotected P in V but let's be safe irl please!) mildly bittersweet ending

<Previous Oneshot (not totally necessary to read but helpful for build up)

Masterlist for S1, S2 and S3

Word Count: 13.4K

Rating: 18+

Author's note: Well, the state of the world is concerning and pretty depressing rn but in a bizarre way, it acted as that final motivator to finally finish because I wanted to focus on something that brings me joy. So, with that, I hope everyone is doing okay and that this was worth the wait!

“How did it go?” Hunter asked as he entered your living room just as you finished your call with Jax.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your brothers right now?” You asked instead.

“I convinced them to come get me later. How did it go?” He asked again, unwilling to let you change the subject so easily. 

You heaved a sigh and shrugged as you slouched against the couch and fidgeted with your ring. “Fine? I think? I don’t know, I feel like I’m just making this up as I go. I guided him through the ways meditation can help him if he starts to lose focus, or things feel out of control, but I have no idea if that’ll be helpful.”

“It sounds like good advice.” Hunter replied whilst he put his stuff down. 

You grunted, “I don’t know that it’s fair for me to preach the benefits of meditation when all I’ve done with it has come up with a whole lot of nothing.”

“Still nothing from your master since Christophsis?” Hunter asked sympathetically as he sat down beside you. 

You nodded dejectedly. “There’s just nothing there. I know that it was a long time ago and we had Tantiss to deal with, so I wasn’t as on top of it as I used to be, but I thought Christophsis opened some sort of door.” You breathed heavily and leaned against his shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” 

“You’re awfully down for someone getting married in two days.” 

You snapped your head up and stared at the ghost ahead of you but also tugged on Hunter’s sleeve. “You’re seeing this too, right?” You double checked as you saw the face of your master staring at you with a smile on his face.

Hunter found himself going back into autopilot and his days as a soldier because he immediately stood to attention as he clocked the pale blue figure.

“At ease, Sergeant. No need for such formalities and with the war being over and me being dead, it’s not like I could write you up.” Your master said to the clone at your side. 

“I- um- right.” Hunter stammered because now he had no idea how he was supposed to act or behave when speaking to someone from the dead. Never mind the fact that this was your old Jedi Master. He relaxed his posture, but only slightly because he still had no clue what to make of this entire situation. 

“Hello, Spark.”

“That’s all you have to say?” You questioned the ghostly blue figure with a frown. 

“I believe that to still be the appropriate greeting.” 

“I don’t understand this. You can really show up that easily?”

“When the need arises, yes.”

You let out a laugh that was void of positive emotion. 

“I’m sensing some rising anger, Spark.”

“No shit!” You shouted in irritation. 

“Spark…” Your master said with a tired sigh. 

“I’ve been meditating for months, and you’ve been a no show all this time! I was taken prisoner and tortured and you weren’t any help!”  

“An awful feat to endure but you haven’t needed me. You relied on your training and sense of self; you didn’t need me there to bring you back.”

“I almost didn’t! I nearly gave up on Tantiss!”

“Dwelling on the almost helps no one, you did not and that’s the outcome that matters. If you had needed me, I would’ve provided my assistance but there’s never been an opportunity or requirement for that in the recent times.”

He sounded so unapologetically himself and like the master you’d studied under that you couldn’t help but let the initial anger you’d been feeling over this leave your body. “Hey, there was a perfect opportunity for you to show up a month ago! Technically, I died! A few times I might add!” You pointed out. 

“You sound a little too delighted by that.” Hunter grumbled.

“You were nowhere to be found!” You continued to be disgruntled. 

“Please, I know you’re far too stubborn to die at the hands of a bounty hunter.” Your master said dismissively.  

You gave up with a sigh, “So, why are you here now?” You asked instead since you realised you were going to get nowhere disputing the past with him. 

Your master nodded to Hunter. “I wanted to formally meet the man who pulled you away from your Jedi teachings.” He said sternly. 

Hunter’s eyes widened in distress. “I didn’t- it wasn’t- sir, I didn’t mean to-” He stuttered in a panic. 

“Surely you understand how encouraging such serious attachment from someone in her position is dangerous?”

Hunter couldn’t calm his ever-increasing alarm. A Force ghost appearing suddenly felt so small compared to what he was having to argue with said ghost about. “Sir, I’d never risk- I don’t- when we happened I-” He was scrambling to find anything that would reassure the man, but he was failing miserably. 

You shook your head in disapproval at your master who now had a rather pleased smile on his face, “Would you stop torturing him? Talking to Force ghosts is already hard enough for someone not used to it.” You gently pulled on Hunter’s hand, “My love, sit down.”

Hunter dazedly sat down beside you.

“And remember to breathe.” You prompted him quietly as you patted his knee before you glared at your master, “Are you done?”

Your master chuckled, “I couldn’t help myself, but yes, I am. Although I did want to meet you, Sergeant. I wanted to know more about you if you’re amenable to that?” 

“Y-yes, sir.” Hunter collected himself as he straightened his shoulders and awaited the questions. 

“You led a small squad during the war did you not? You and your brothers were made to be different from the other clones and battalions that existed during that time?” 

“That’s correct, sir.” 

“But you made a habit of deviating from standard protocols and orders? You never considered that to be a reckless course of action to take?”

Hunter sensed you getting ready to defend him, but he placed his hand on yours to signal that he was fine. “Yes, sir, but with respect, that’s why we were as successful as we were. Our unique skill sets made it that going against the usual procedures was better for us and the war effort.”

Your master nodded appreciatively over the honesty in the clone’s voice. “And you understand the added responsibility you’re taking on with having a Jedi in your life and as your partner? You are aware of the risks that will remain in place for you and your squad even with this home you’ve created?”

“I understand it, sir, but it never felt like extra responsibility to me. I look after my people the best I can, I always have, and she was a part of our squad and family long before my feelings developed into what they are now. Making the choice to stand by her despite the dangers it comes with was simple.”

“I see. And what about-”

“Okay, what is this?” You interrupted, “You’re dead, and I stopped being your student years ago. You don’t get to approve or disapprove-”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, Spark. The mere fact that you’ve been seeking that connection with the techniques I passed on shows that our relationship has not ended. And yes, I may have become one with the Force but that doesn’t mean I stopped being your teacher- dead or not, there’s always a lesson to be learnt. Something you should keep in mind since you’re on your way to becoming a teacher yourself.” 

You suddenly felt rather bashful as you heard the hint of pride in his voice, “I’m not really doing anything.”

“You’re doing far more than you realise and I’m not solely referring to those children you rescued. That young girl you’re raising is going to do great things.” Your master complimented you both.

“We know.” Hunter agreed. 

The soft change in Hunter’s voice and the fondness in which he said that and made your heart soar with affection. 

Your master smiled warmly as he saw the unfiltered emotion written across your face as you looked at the man by your side and he knew there was nothing dangerous or wrong about the feelings you had for him. He addressed Hunter once more, “I just have one last question…” 

Hunter braced himself. 

“Do you love her?”

Now that was something he could answer very easily. “Yes, I do.”

“Good.” Your master said with a nod of approval before he turned to face you again. “I wish you both a happy future and Spark, remember, you don’t need to see me to feel me with you.” Your master reminded you before he faded away.

“Spark?” Hunter asked with a curious look in your direction. 

“Do you want the embarrassing or the more emotional answer?” You replied lightly. 

But before Hunter could reply, Wrecker came barging through the door.

“Time’s up! Get moving!”

You caught the look of dread on Hunter’s face. “You’re going to have fun.” You said through a laugh as you both got to your feet. 

“Remind me why I can’t just stay here? Your plans for tonight sound relaxing.” Hunter pleaded jokingly. 

“Because we don’t want you here, Bandana.” Phee responded with mock seriousness, “This night is for us girls only. You’ve got your own thing.”

“Right, how could I forget.” He replied with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow evening.” Hunter promised you, hoping he slipped it subtly enough into the goodbyes that it would go unnoticed. 

You’re not that lucky. You said with a grin as you noticed Omega’s look of horror.

“Nu uh! Wedding tradition number three states that it’s bad luck to see the bride the day of the wedding so you can’t stay the night tomorrow!” Omega insisted as she yanked on Hunter’s arm to take her place next to you instead whilst Phee and Lyra pushed past the rest of the men to join you in the living room. 

Tech tapped on his datapad. “Yes, the schedule for the next two nights and two days sees to it that proceedings begin with Phee, Omega and Lyra staying here whilst we go to Shep’s to pick him up before leaving on Phee’s ship to-”

“Celebrate tonight! Recover tomorrow! Celebrate again!” Wrecker bellowed merrily. “It’s really not that complicated, Tech.” 

“Yet you still got confused the first time we were planning this.” Crosshair pointed out wryly as he chewed on a toothpick. 

“Not my fault! Shep brought out a plate of dessert when Tech was figuring out the days, I was distracted!” Wrecker said defensively but with a smile on his face. 

“I still don’t understand why you planned it this close to the actual ceremony.” Echo pointed out. 

“With those two wanting to hurry things along, our timeline got rather rushed.” Tech replied. 

“Sorry for not wanting to give the next bounty hunter another chance to ruin things.” You joked.

“Or an Imperial invasion.” Omega added.

“Or the chance for (Y/N) to get herself killed.” Crosshair piled on but his tone was laced with familial teasing as he looked at you.

“Hey!” You protested indignantly. “The more recent ones have not been my fault.”

“Crosshair…” Hunter scolded as he moved his way around Omega and instinctively wrapped his arm around your waist. 

“Thought I was helping.” He said with a nonchalant shrug. 

“Your definition of ‘help’ should be re-examined.” Tech interjected as he adjusted his goggles.  

“Well, point made anyway.” Echo acknowledged with a slight grimace.

“Great, now that that’s settled, let’s go!” Wrecker demanded again as he reached for Hunter. 

Hunter gave you one last desperate look. “You’re really forcing me to do this?” He feigned needing to be rescued as his brother pulled him into the group. 

“I’m not doing anything, you’re the one that let Tech give Omega the list of readings about all the different wedding traditions that exist in the galaxy.” You pointed out with a smirk as you warmly rested your hands on the young girl’s shoulders whilst she stood in front of you. 

“Yes! This is tradition number seven!” Omega said excitedly as she pulled up the various files that she’d pulled on the subject and recited, “Bachelor parties and bachelorette parties are iconic pre-wedding celebrations that mark the end of singledom for soon-to-be-weds.” She waved the datapad in Hunter’s direction. “You can’t argue with that.”

“No, I suppose I can’t.” Hunter replied through a sigh, but he wasn’t referring to the information as he smiled at the young girl.

“It’s not like spending time apart will kill you.” Lyra added absentmindedly as she got to work on unpacking the supplies for your night here. 

The room went silent as you all turned to stare at her. 

“Okay, that was a bad choice of words,” Lyra acknowledged sheepishly, “But you know what I mean!”

You chuckled before you noticed the impatient way Wrecker was bouncing on his heels. “Okay, time to go.” You ushered them out but caught Hunter’s wrist just as he was leaving. You went to kiss him but before he could help close the gap, Crosshair pulled on his arm. “If I’m going to throw up tonight, it’s going to be during the party, not before.” He said in faux disgust.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Hunter conceded as he shoved Crosshair away in a brotherly fashion. “See you in two days?” He asked you by way of farewell.

“See you in two days.” You confirmed with a mildly nervous but excited smile. You waved them off before you shut the door and accepted the drink from Lyra as your lovely night of rest and relaxation got underway.

--

The sound of your comm chirping woke you up from your peaceful slumber.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.” You teased as you heard the pained rasp in his voice. 

“No, it’s not.” Hunter grumbled.

“You sound like a ball of energy.” You quipped and the only reply you got was a disgruntled huff and it made you smile to yourself. “Sooo, how was your night?”

“I haven’t celebrated like that since our days as a fresh squad during the war. I don’t know how we did it.” Hunter responded with a weary sigh. 

“And here I thought you were trying to be sensible.” You taunted. 

“Somewhere between Tech insisting that he could make Crosshair a hand and trying to steal Echo’s to prove it whilst Wrecker kept trying to get the bartender to give us free drinks by challenging him to an arm wrestle and Shep lamenting over what’ll happen when Lyana gets married, I gave up.” Hunter through a groan.

You laughed, “Kinda wish I’d been there to see that. But how are your senses holding up? Your headache isn’t too painful, is it?” You asked with more genuine concern.

“I’m fine, this is nothing too overwhelming, I’ll be okay in a few hours.” Hunter reassured you. 

“Promise?”

“I promise. I knew what I was doing last night.” 

“Okay, good. And you had fun?” You double checked.

“Yes, I did.” Hunter admitted. 

“Omega will be delighted by that. I think she enjoyed this part of the wedding planning quite a bit.”

“Your night was good too then?”

“It was a nice time! We just chatted and ate good food- it was all very calm and fun. We all turned in at a reasonable hour. Oh, and Omega finally got permission from Lyra to see my dress, so she was very excited by that.”

“Sure, Omega’s allowed to see it.” Hunter grumbled with light-hearted seriousness. “Remind me why we let this tradition slide through?”

“Because the argument about an ex-Jedi marrying a genetically enhanced clone being about as untraditional as we could get was hard to dispute so we’re making up for it where we can and keeping the reveal until the day of falls into that category according to Omega.”

“Right,” Hunter griped, “I should’ve fought harder.”

“You have one more 24 hour wait.” You reminded him with a loving but exasperated sigh. 

“It’s not been as easy as it sounds. You’ve been overly secretive and non-informative about it for weeks now. Having the answer to my curiosity tucked away in our closet and being banned by every single person from seeing it has been a challenge; you do realise that?”

“Yes, because I live to torture you.” You said, playing into his dramatics.

“I can feel your eyes rolling.”

“Look, in all fairness, Lyra only finally decided she was finished with it a week ago. And of all the wedding traditions we’re doing, this is one I kinda like keeping. Besides, you’re getting your first dance tradition which is the one part of this whole thing I’m dreading.” You said lightly. 

“Hmm, that’s true. And I hear marriage is all about compromise.” Hunter said playfully.

“Exactly. This is just good practice.” You replied jokingly.

Hunter chuckled softly over the comm, “Well, I can hear the pained groans of the others so they’re waking up now, so I better go. I love you.”

“I love you too. Safe flight back.” You signed off and breathed deeply as you realised that after today, the day you’d been waiting for was almost here. 

--

Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it, you were waking up with the nervous butterflies in your stomach that signalled what was happening at sunset today. 

You had barely opened your eyes when your door burst open, and a bundle of blonde hair and excitement joined by a ball of fur were jumping on your bed and clambering in next to you.

“It’s wedding day! It’s finally time!”

“Are you sure?” You double checked teasingly as you pretended to pull your covers back and over your head.

“Yes!” Omega tugged on them and insistently shoved your shoulder. “You need to get up!” She whistled to Batcher and pointed to you. 

“I’m up, I’m up.” You said through a laugh as you avoided Batcher’s enthusiastic kisses and got vertical. “But you can relax, Omega, we have ages.” 

“Not according to my schedule.” Omega propped herself on her knees as she revealed her datapad and showed it to you. 

You scanned the list as you absentmindedly stroked Batcher’s side. “Okay that all looks good but what is that?” You indicated to the words with your name and ‘panic’ written side by side.

“My research said it is highly likely that a ‘freak out’ will occur once the time of the ceremony arrives, no matter how sure your feelings are. I’m just leaving it in as an option.” She said casually. 

“I’m not going to freak out,” You insisted, “I’m perfectly fine.”

“For now…”

“Omega!” You gasped in faux offence. 

“And, now you know there’s time if or when you need to.” She replied with coy indifference. 

“Seems like you’ve got this all figured out.” You observed with a smile.

“Tech and I coordinated so he’s keeping Hunter on track,” She told you proudly, “And don’t worry, his panic time is longer than yours.” 

“Great.” You replied dryly. 

She clapped her hands together, “Now, you can have fifteen minutes to yourself while I go get breakfast started.”

“Alright, you’re in charge, Omega.” You said fondly as she tossed her arms around you and squeezed you tight before hopping off the bed to signal it was time for the preparations to get underway. 

--

“You’re getting married today!” Lyra squealed in delight as soon as you opened the door.

“So, everyone keeps telling me.” You kidded as you stepped aside to let her and Phee in. 

“Right on time.” Omega stated with a satisfied nod as she came out of her room. 

“Between you and brown eyes, it would be impossible not to be.” Phee commented with a smile. 

“You all look great!” You said warmly as you took them all in and your heart swelled as you saw Omega in particular. She was growing up every day before your very eyes and it was both terrifying but beautiful. 

“Hush, we are not the focus here. Come on, let’s get you ready!” Lyra started shoving you towards your bedroom.

--

“Oh, this turned out better than I imagined!” Lyra said with a misty-eyed smile, “Phee, Omega, get in here!” She called out as she dabbed away the tears and re-opened your bedroom door. 

“You look amazing!” Omega cried joyously. 

“Okay, so can I look yet?” You asked nervously in response to Omega’s words and elated gasp and Phee’s wide smile. 

“Go ahead!” Lyra said excitedly. 

You took a deep breath and turned around to face the mirror in your room and you scarcely recognised the person staring back at you. You’d never been allowed to see this dress aside from getting a gauge of how it looked on you and even when it was done, you’d only seen how it had looked hanging up. 

This was the first time you’d been able to see it properly and it took your breath away. 

The silhouette complimented your body perfectly, the fabric was light enough for the Pabu climate but what really got to you was- as you angled yourself to see all side of it- the way the rays of late afternoon sunlight hit it and the tiny crystals scattered around the bodice and skirt glimmered a subtle red that matched a shade you were all too familiar with. “Lyra… it’s- I can’t believe- I don’t know what to say… it’s beautiful.” You said breathlessly. “Thank you, thank you so much!”

“I know.” She said, equally emotionally over seeing you in this. “Worth every hour of each day, the late nights and prick of a needle.” 

You laughed, “I’m glad.”

“Hunter won’t know what hit him when he sees you in this.” Lyra added as she couldn’t help herself and started adjusting bits and pieces of your ensemble. 

“Your dress is something new, the necklace from Lyra is your something borrowed. We’re missing your something old and something blue but that’s okay.” Omega said as she checked off the list.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, kid.” Phee said smugly as she went to her stuff and brought out a small, wrapped box and handed it to you.

“What is this?” You said in confusion as you took the package from her but the familiar thrumming in your veins that you sensed as you held it got your heart practically started beating out your chest. With shaky hands, you opened it and inhaled sharply, “Phee… how did you- where did you find this?”

“Liberator of ancient wonders, remember? The people I got it from had already scrapped the hilt so couldn’t get all of it but figured this was the important thing.” Phee said kindly. 

“What is it?” Lyra asked curiously as she took it from you and tied it around your wrist.

“Something from my Jedi days.” You breathed as your blue kyber crystal hung delicately from the leather band. The comfort and familiarity it brought calmed your ever-increasing nerves as you realised it was almost time to go. “Thank you, Phee.”

Phee dipped her head in acknowledgment. “Tech helped me track it down.”

You were overwhelmed by the kindness that had been shown to you and the occasion of it all, but for once, it wasn’t a bad feeling. It only cemented how certain your feelings were and how sure you were that you wanted to do this, but you were only human, and the butterflies refused to die down. 

“Still fine?” Omega asked quietly. 

“Still fine.” You confirmed with a smile as you exhaled deeply to settle your nerves.

“Knew you would be.” Omega said as she wrapped her arms around your waist. 

“Okay, come on. I have to do a few touch ups.” Lyra said. 

“Lyra…” You groaned in an exaggerated fashion. 

“Don’t question me.” She said firmly as she guided you back to your room.

--

“It’s time to go.” Omega announced.

“Okay, okay I’m done!” Lyra said with a satisfied nod as she finished off. 

You took a deep breath as you got to your feet, but you smiled when you saw a familiar person standing ahead of you.

You playfully wolf whistled as you saw the lean figure standing in your living room donned in an all-black suit and tie. As always, Lyra knew what she was doing. “Looking sharp, Crosshair.”

Crosshair’s eyes widened slightly as he saw you step out before he gathered himself and hummed, “Not bad.”

“Not bad?” Lyra repeated with exasperated disdain. “That’s all you have to say?”

“I’m not the one marrying her.” Crosshair said with a shrug. 

“I’ll take it.” You said with a fond shake of your head. 

“Where are my credits?” Omega enquired gleefully as she bounded over to the clone. 

“Credits?” You repeated. 

“There may have been a wager on whether or not you would need the time to panic about today.” Omega revealed awkwardly. 

“You bet on us?” You said through a huff of laughter. 

“Omega was the only one that thought neither of you would if that helps.” Crosshair grumbled as he handed her the amount that she was due.

The fact Hunter hadn’t panicked either went a long way to steadying your nerves. “I guess?” You rolled your eyes and let it go because you honestly should’ve expected something like that from them before you realised you didn’t actually know why Crosshair had shown up, “Why are you here, though? Shouldn’t you be with Hunter right now?”

“The kid said you needed someone to walk you down.” Crosshair said airily.  

You narrowed your eyes at him before you asked Omega in confusion, “Thought Hunter was going to have all his brothers with him so we decided that I could walk myself?”

“You did, I didn’t. With Wrecker as best man, Echo as the officiant and Tech as the ring holder and creator, we had a role for Crosshair that wasn’t just groomsman.”

“So, I’ve been forced into this.” Crosshair pretended to be put out. 

But Omega wasn’t going to let him off that easily. “You volunteered!” She reminded him. “And you offered long before Hunter had even decided who was doing what.”

Crosshair sighed and glared at the young girl, “Thought we agreed to keep that between us.”

“Whoops.” Omega replied with a mischievous grin. 

“Aww Crosshair…” You teased lovingly as you made your way over to him. 

“I’ll take it back. I swear, I’ll walk out of here and you can forget about it.” Crosshair warned but he met your embrace. 

Thank you. You said as you hugged him. 

“Well, you’re family, it’s just how it goes.” Crosshair replied quietly before he released you. “Now, let’s get out of here so you can put my brother’s and I out of our misery.” 

“Thought you said he hadn’t freaked out today?” You asked distractedly, missing the pluralisation as you fiddled with your skirt. 

“He hasn’t. We just had to watch him pine over you for months on end. Today will finally bring an end to it.” Crosshair stated as he offered you his arm. 

You clued in then, “Oh, so this is as much for you as it is for us?” You kidded as you looped your arm through his. 

“Definitely.” Crosshair answered with a smirk before the group of you left to finally get things underway. 

With your entourage and family by your side as you made your way down to the beach, you finally started to feel calm and ready for this next stage in your life. 

--

Hunter, on the other hand, couldn't have calmed down if he tried. Sure, he’d disappointed his brothers in that he’d kept it together the entire day but that didn’t mean the nerves weren’t there. 

He stood restlessly at the end of the aisle, the emotions of the occasion combining into a perfect storm of nerves and excitement as he waited for you. 

Finally, the crowds had quieted down, and the overall feeling of bated breath from everyone around him told him that he wouldn't have to wait for much longer.

--

“Just don’t let me trip, Crosshair.” You requested through an unsteady exhale as the time arrived for you to make your way down the wooden platform that had been made to keep you from stepping on the uneven sand.

“Wouldn’t that be funny though?” 

You shot him a look. 

“Not a chance.” Crosshair reassured you sincerely.

With his nod of encouragement, you started to walk. 

--

As he caught the change in expression on his brothers’ faces, Hunter finally turned around to see you and his breath caught in his throat. Every anticipatory worry and nerve swiftly disappeared, and it made him feel rather light-headed which, mixed with how enthralled by the sight of you he was, made for an inconvenient combination. If it weren’t for Wrecker’s subtle act of support to prop him back up, he was certain that he would’ve staggered backwards. 

And as he realised what you making your way to him finally meant, he felt tears threaten to blur his vision and while he didn’t mind the display of emotion, he’d be damned if they were going to take away a single second of the breathtaking image of you walking towards him. He hastily wiped his eyes and collected himself. 

It was then he caught the way the sun hit the scattered jewels on your dress, and he saw the colour that reflected off of them. He darted his gaze over to Lyra who only offered him a smug smile and friendly wink before looking back at you.

--

Sure, the sunset was gorgeous and added a stunning golden backdrop as the beams of light reflected off the turquoise ocean water but as far as you were concerned, the background view was secondary to the one you cared about and that was the man standing ahead of you who was wearing the same black suit as the rest of his brothers but wearing it in a way that made your skin warm and your heart skip a beat. 

Everyone else faded away, your only focus was on the man in front of you and you’d never felt more ready for this next stage.

--

It felt like forever before you finally reached the end of the platform and into the waiting arms of the man you’d been waiting for your whole life. 

Crosshair smiled at the two of you before he handed you off and took his place next to his brothers. 

You passed your bouquet to Omega who hadn’t stopped smiling since she’d seen you this morning. 

Hi. You said with a loving grin. Was it worth the secrecy?

Hunter could only nod dumbly before he searched for words to actually articulate himself. “You- you- look-” Hunter swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried again, “You look beautiful.” He murmured quietly as he stroked his thumb across the backs of your hands. 

So do you. You comfortingly squeezed his in return as you felt the slight tremble in his grip. 

Hunter released a steadying breath as he let your touch ground him. 

“You two ready?” Echo asked quietly.

You both nodded and waited as Echo got the ceremony underway. 

--

“And now it’s time for the vows. Hunter, are you okay to start?” Echo double checked. 

Hunter nodded and, despite the butterflies in his stomach, this was the one part of today that he’d always been ready for. He exhaled steadily and started, “I was made for war. That’s all I knew, and I thought that was going to be my purpose for the rest of my life. I didn’t know any better and I didn’t think there was anything more I should look for. Then you came along, and everything changed. I suddenly realised that life didn’t have to be about living from one battle to the next, there was room for much more than that and you were the one I’d been waiting to have that with. And as much as I tried to deny myself those feelings in the beginning, I quickly realised that there’d never been a more pointless exercise than that. I’ve been yours for a long time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You can ask any one of our brothers and they’ll tell you the same thing. The fact that I argued against them for so long was probably far more stressful or frustrating than any battle.” 

You glanced at Echo who dipped his head affirmatively before you looked past Hunter’s shoulder to see the grinning and nodding faces from the rest of his brothers. You brought your sights back to Hunter with a bright smile. 

Hunter returned your grin before he carried on, “We’ve been through and survived a lot, perhaps too much, but we always found a way through it. And, although I wished they never had to happen in the first place, they reminded me of how much time we lost refusing to allow ourselves the reality of what this was, and I never want to do that again. We can’t get back the wasted months, but from this point on, I promise not to waste another moment with you. No matter what, you will have me by your side, whatever you need, whatever forever means for us, you’ll have it. I love you. I always have and I always will.”

You’d kept it together up until now but after that, after seeing the emotions behind his eyes and hearing the love and sincerity in his voice, your own body started to shake with emotion. You didn’t know how you were going to find the composure to speak. 

Hunter picked up on that and he took a closer step towards you. He cupped your cheek and nodded reassuringly as he waited patiently for you to go. “It’s just us here,” He whispered, “Take your time.”

You breathed deeply as you settled yourself. And with Hunter’s encouraging gaze and touch as your anchor, you were ready. “Before I left the Jedi Order, I thought I knew what family was but even when I was there, surrounded by people like me, I always knew there was something missing, but I was always taught to not seek something more out, to not pursue or let those feelings take a hold of me. And even though I argued against it, I still lived my life that way. So, when I decided to leave, I thought being on my own was the answer, that if I would be saving myself a lot of hurt and I wouldn’t have the disappointment of failing to find what I was searching for. Then I met you-” You paused for a second, “And Hunter, you shifted my world. Gravity was no longer my centre; it was all you. There was a time where feeling that way terrified me. I thought it was wrong, that it was a way to a darker path, so I kept trying to distance myself from it, but it was impossible because, no matter how hard I searched for it, there was never any darkness when it came to how I felt about you. You’ve always been my light, even when I didn’t realise it, you brought me back to life and showed me a different way to exist. I knew you were the person I’d been waiting for. You talk about how obvious your feelings were to the people around you, trust me when I say that you weren’t alone. Your brothers didn’t let me off the hook when it came to you either and I don’t even mind admitting now that they were so obviously right.” You added light-heartedly which got a hum of laughter from both Hunter and everyone else. You carried on more seriously into your last part, “I love you, Hunter, I love your kindness, your compassion, your strength. With every fibre of my being, I love you. I can’t wait for the future we’re going to have together. I’m yours too, I always have been. Whatever this next part in our life sees, I promise that I won’t ever stop loving you. You have my heart, my support, and that won’t ever change.” You promised through a choked breath as your feelings threatened to overwhelm you. 

Hunter felt his heart tighten in his chest as your words hit him and now, he was finding himself looking forward to the next part getting wrapped up because every irritating second, he spent not married or closer to you was getting harder to patiently ignore.  

Echo found himself getting affected by the occasion and emotions of the two of you so he quickly cleared his throat and got onto the next part, “Hunter, do you take (Y/N) to be your wife for as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” Hunter said and he’d never felt more certain in his words as he accepted one of the rings from Tech tenderly placed it on your finger.

Wrecker and Lyra both wiped tears away from their eyes. 

“And (Y/N), do you take Hunter to be your husband for as long as you both shall live?” Echo asked. 

“I do.” You said as well, and you’d never felt more at peace than you did after saying that phrase. You took the gold ring from Tech to place on Hunter’s finger and it was then you noticed a small 99 and your lightsaber hilt had been engraved on the band. You looked to Tech who simply offered a nod and a warm smile. 

Hunter impatiently looked at Echo as you let his hand go. 

“Go ahead.” Echo said with an affectionate eye roll. 

The two of you didn’t hesitate. Hunter cradled your jaw and kissed you within an instant and you needed no prompting to press yourself against him. You flung your arms around his neck as the two of you shared in a short but passionate embrace while the whoops and cheers of the crowd sounded around you and somewhere in between Echo officially announced the two of you. 

When you pulled apart, you were instantly embraced by your family and the seven of you shared in the moment before you and Hunter led the way back down the aisle and to Upper Pabu. 

--

The walk up to the colonnade was one that felt remarkably serene and calming since the citizens of Pabu had laid petals from the Maya tree on the ground in preparation for your ascent. 

“Any regrets?” Hunter whispered into your hair as he kept you tight to his side as the two of you walked. 

Not a single one. You said emphatically as the two of you reached the top and shared in one more kiss before the band started playing and the celebrations could officially begin. 

--

The after party was well under way and you and Hunter were doing your part to speak to and thank as many people as you could. 

“Congratulations you two!”

“Thank you, Shep.” You replied warmly as you hugged him tightly, “For everything you’ve done for us, it means a lot!” You pulled back so he could move on to Hunter. 

“Couldn’t have had this without you.” Hunter agreed as he went to shake the jolly man’s hand but was instead pulled into a bone crushing embrace. 

“Just wait, soon it’ll be Lyana’s turn.” You teased as he released Hunter, “I heard that future thought came up quite a bit a couple days ago.”

“Maybe but don’t forget your situation too… what about when it’s Omega’s?” Shep retorted fondly. 

Oh. Right. You and Hunter shared a terrified look. That was a quick way to turn the tables on your playful banter and it left you both scrambling for anything to say in response. 

“Uh huh. Think about that one.” Shep kidded smugly as he rested a strong, supportive hand on both your shoulders before he walked away.

You and Hunter both searched the dancing crowds and found Omega dancing happily with Wrecker, Lyana, Mox, Deke and Stak, and you knew Shep’s words were going to stick with you for some time. “

“We still have years and years, right?” You asked Hunter fretfully. 

“Yeah… and longer if I have anything to do with it.”

He said the words seriously, but you knew him well enough to understand that neither of you would get in the way of her future happiness, however you could still view that time with a certain degree of apprehension. You glanced at him with a warm smile. I love you for that. 

Hunter returned your smile before thankfully; a new voice broke you both out of your thoughts. 

“I’m sorry but we gotta head out. Congratulations to you both.” Rex said sincerely as he and Gregor approached you. 

You let Hunter bid Rex farewell first and you said goodbye to Gregor. 

“Well, beautiful, you’re leaving me broken-hearted.” Gregor said unhappily but there was a kind smile on his face.

“I’m sure you’ll recover just fine, Gregor.” You said with a fond smile as you hugged him before you hugged Rex, “Thank you both so much for making it out here!”

“I only wish we could stay longer.” Rex said apologetically.

“We understand.” Hunter reassured him with you nodding in agreement. 

“And you’re definitely okay with Echo joining you two later?” You double checked.

It was Rex’s turn to nod. “He’ll meet us at the rendezvous tomorrow. We’ll be fine.”

Gregor tossed Hunter a mischievous grin before he said conspiratorially to you, “Sure I can’t convince you to come along, beautiful? We can get this thing annulled in-”

“Would you stop that?” Hunter griped as he tucked you into his side even though he knew the likelihood of you actually leaving in any way was non-existent but even the thought illogically grated on his nerves. “I have never once found this in any way amusing.”

“Yeah, but you react every time. Can’t help myself.” Gregor said with a laugh. 

You leaned your head on Hunter’s shoulder and placed your left hand on his chest, your rings proudly on display. “Sorry Gregor, I’m very happy with my decision.”

Gregor shrugged. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“Pretty sure what you’re doing actually qualifies as harassment.” Hunter grumbled under his breath, but he was smiling at his brother. 

You chuckled softly as you shook your head affectionately at your husband. You’re always my choice.

“We’ll get out of your hair.” Rex said as he saw the way Hunter’s face softened as he glanced down at you. He tugged on Gregor’s arm, “Good luck you two.”

“Same to you, Rex.” You said genuinely.

“Stay safe out there.” Hunter added before they walked away. 

--

So far, everything about this celebration had been easy and fun and you’d been enjoying sitting at your table and talking to your family but that was all ruined as the time you dreaded finally arrived. 

“What did we decide about Plan 42?” You muttered hastily to Omega who only shook her head at you and left it to Tech to answer. 

“Since this is not in fact a hostage situation, the parameters of the plan do not apply here.” Tech stated matter-of-factly. 

“Go on, I’m sure you won’t be that bad!” Wrecker encouraged enthusiastically. 

“You’ve survived much worse.” Echo pointed out. 

“And I need the entertainment of watching this anyway.” Crosshair added. 

“I hate all of you right now.” You groaned.

“You’ve managed before.” Hunter said with an affectionate roll of his eyes as he took a hold of your hand. 

“We barely moved, and something tells me that’s less of an option here.” You countered as you reluctantly let him tug you to your feet. 

“You, my gorgeous and amazing wife, are incredibly capable and have lived through several attempts on your life. You will get through this.” Hunter said with great seriousness in his voice though his eyes twinkled with humour. 

The use of that particular word sent a pleasurable shiver down your spine. “See, I can’t argue when you say things like that.” You mumbled as you walked beside him. 

“Why do you think I say them?” He quipped lightly in return as he squeezed your hand. 

Ah so there was always an ulterior motive. Here I was thinking it was just cause you love me. You replied with a playful frown but with every step towards the centre of the colonnade, your heartbeat grew more and more frantic. 

“Well, there’s that too.” Hunter responded good-naturedly but when you reached the centre, he noticed you already staring at the ground and twisting the rings on your finger in an anxious panic. He delicately placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your head up “Hey, remember what I said earlier today. It’s just you and I here, no one else. I’ve got you, okay?”

The sweet melody of the music started to play, and you saw the trust and love in his warm, brown eyes and they grounded you. You took a deep breath and nodded as you grabbed a hold on his hand and rested the other hand on his shoulder and started to move. 

--

The fact that Hunter knew what he was doing, and you knew you could count on him to not make you look like a fool made it much easier for you to relax into this and you were doing much better than the last time you were in this position, and you could feel yourself enjoying it now. 

Hunter spun you around, much to the delight of the crowd, and as he brought you back in, dipped you backwards. “Told you, you’re doing just fine.” He uttered tenderly as he pulled you upright and placed a quick kiss to your lips. 

“Well, I have a pretty good partner.” You said softly as you let yourself follow his lead and dance smoothly around the space. 

Hunter grinned at you before he twirled you away from him but instead of pulling you back against him, this time he let your hand go and backed away. 

“What-” But before you could finish your sentence, a pair of hands caught you. You glanced up to see the beaming face of Wrecker looking down at you. Wrecker, what are you-

“You didn’t think Hunter was the only one that wanted this tradition to stay in, did you?”

“I don’t understand?” You queried as the two of you took a turn about the floor. 

But Wrecker ignored your question and enacted phase two of what this part of the tradition was really for. He kept you slowly spinning around the floor before he started his piece, “I’ve been there for both the good and the bad of what the two of you had to experience. And, especially after Ord Mantell, it was hard, it was really hard to watch him go through that. But you need to know that it wasn’t just him… I missed you too. I’m really glad you decided to take Hunter up on his offer on Devaron. No matter what this marriage with Hunter has in store for you, you ain’t getting rid of us any time soon.” Wrecker finished off; his voice gruff with emotion before he whirled you around and released his grip. 

Wrecker, I- But you barely had any time to process what was going on before you Echo was the one now holding you. 

“Instead of a speech, we all decided to do this instead.” Echo explained as he had his turn with you. 

Oh. Was all you could manage to say. You didn’t trust yourself to speak out loud for the moment. 

“I hadn’t been around this squad for a long time before we met you, but I like to think I knew them all pretty well and seeing how Hunter was around you and vice versa, I just knew you two had something. It was tough to watch you both refuse it for so long and when you finally acknowledged it, I truly didn’t think it would get much better for you two, but it did and I’m so happy for you. But you need to also know that it wasn’t just him, you got something out of all of us. You filled a gap I don’t think he or any of us really realised we needed filled until you stepped aboard that ship.” Echo removed himself and jutted his chin in the direction behind you. 

You turned into the waiting arms of the next one who turned out to be Tech. All of you are really doing this?

“It was unanimously agreed.” Tech responded with a small grin before he said his piece, “Your feelings for Hunter and his for you were obvious from the start, that’s not what I’m here to convey tonight but I do have something to say that I feel is crucial for you to understand. Now, unfortunately I don’t have the exact data to hand, but I have observed this for quite some time,” Tech raised his arm, so you had to duck and spin under it before he brought his hand back to your waist, “You have a pattern of using the word ‘your’ when referring to us as Hunter’s brothers. I don’t think we have said it enough but, despite the official nature of today that cements this fact, you were a part of our family long before this day. We’re your brothers too.” Tech said with affectionate sincerity before he let you go into the waiting hand of the next one in line.

You kept one hand intertwined with his whilst the other rested on his forearm. “So, even you agreed to this huh?” You asked Crosshair with an amused smile but much to your surprise, this time he didn’t play into the joke, he just regarded you with genuine- almost tender- seriousness. 

Crosshair exhaled a short breath before he started, “We weren’t really accepted by the regs and although we owned that, it wasn’t always easy, especially in the beginning. But then you came along, and you took us for what we were. I kept expecting you to realise the extent of the craziness that you’d signed up for and leave but you never did. You just fit. Hunter’s idea to ask you to join us was probably one of his best ones. And it wasn’t only that, you and Hunter worked on a level I’d never seen before. But you’re not just his perfect match you know, you were meant to be a Bad Batcher.” Crosshair said quietly with a smile before he let you go and walked away. 

The final person was considerably shorter than the rest of them so instead of dancing, you crouched down to be eye-level with the young girl. 

“When I was on Kamino, I didn’t hear much of anything about the war or the rest of the galaxy, but I always knew about this squad. And when I heard about you, I knew I had to finally find a way to meet you all again. I may have been new to the group, but I watched you. I watched you with Hunter and it was clear how much you loved each other. But it was also clear how much love you and the rest of the squad have for one another. I wasn’t just joining a squad; I was joining a family filled with people I admire. You have a bit of all of them in you and if I grow up to be anything like the person you are, I know I’ll be living my life right.” Omega said meaningfully, her voice choking up slightly as she finished. 

You hugged her tightly. “Thank you, Omega.” You whispered, your voice clogged with emotion. 

Omega let you go and smiled at you before she retreated backwards into the group of them, and she felt Tech’s hands on her shoulders. 

You straightened up and stared at the group of six people that formed your beautiful, wonderful family and you didn’t know what you’d done to deserve them or this happy ending. “Okay, this isn’t fair,” You said through a weepy-eyed smile, “I was doing a really good job of keeping it together until now.” You dabbed away the happy tears that had fallen down your cheeks. 

Hunter stepped towards you and kissed your brow before he pressed his forehead against yours. “Marrying you has been the best decision I’ve ever made and it’s an adventure I have been ready to take with you for a while, no matter how bumpy it could get, and I never want you to think otherwise. But I know you, and I know the doubt and anxiety can creep in regardless. If through the years, you ever need reassurance on how much I love you or how important you are to this family, there are plenty of people who would be willing to remind you.”

A sob mixed with a noise of elation sounded from your lips and you tugged on his tie to bring him closer as you kissed him deeply, tangling your fingers in his hair. 

Hunter reacted instantly. He placed his hands on your hips and pressed you tight against him but even as the party raged on around you, at this moment, it was just the two of you now and everything had never felt so right. 

--

The celebrations had finally drawn to a close and you were making your way home, happy laughs and chatter filling the silent night of Pabu as you walked back with your family. 

You and Hunter reached your home first and paused outside your door to say your goodbyes to everyone first. 

As the group of you split off, you remembered the final thing you had to say today. 

“Lyra?” You called after her.

Lyra turned around expectantly.

“Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. I never thought meeting you on Ord Mantell would lead to having a friend like you but I’m very grateful it did. Thank you for being a part of my life.”

Lyra smiled and hugged you tightly. “I’m very glad to be in it. Oh, and don’t forget, I know that you’re finally using the gifts I got you, so I want the details when you're back.” She whispered to you, a mischievous tone in her voice.  

You’d forgotten you’d told her about that idea, and you had to be sure to conceal your reaction and merely nodded and returned her necklace before she winked and walked away from you.

--

“Hey, can you do something for me?” You asked as the group faded into the distance. 

Hunter glanced at you with a questioning look on his face.

The future isn’t always certain, I know that, but please don’t fall out of love with me. 

Hunter huffed out an affectionate laugh and tugged you to his chest as he uttered into your hair, “There’s no chance of that. I will fall in love with you over and over again.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I don’t care how, where or when.”

“No matter how long it’s been?” You questioned teasingly as you slowly kissed up the column of his throat.

“Mmhmm.” He murmured as he got lost in the sensation of your lips on his skin before he took a small step back and cupped your cheek as he looked into your eyes. 

The slight coolness and weight of the gold band against the skin of your cheek made your breath hitch and the small act was enough to ignite the simmering tension that had been building between you since the ceremony. 

“You’re mine.” You both said in unison before you met each other in a passionate embrace and Hunter all but kicked the door to your home down before backing you inside.

--

Muscle memory guided the way to your bedroom and despite the eager and frantic noises that sounded from you both as you kissed each other, when it came to turning you around and undoing the buttons on the back of your dress, Hunter was careful- almost delicate- in his touch. As your skin was revealed to him, he managed to plant a few adoring kisses to the fading scars on your back before you turned around and placed a hand on his chest to halt him from going any further. 

“Wait a moment.” You requested breathlessly but you saw the flash of confusion in his eyes. “I won’t be long. There’s just something I need to do first.” You assured him. 

Shoulders heaving, Hunter dipped his head in acknowledgement of your wish and dazedly retreated out of the room.

--

You shut the door and took a breath for courage as you took your dress off and hung it up in your closet before you studied your reflection as you were left standing in the final white lingerie set that Lyra had gifted you. If Hunter’s reactions to the red and black ones were any indication, you knew this would go down just as well- it was the second part of your plan that had you wondering about how long his patience would last and you couldn’t wait to put it to the test. 

Feeling good, you donned your robe and, leaving it untied, you reached into your nightstand and removed the small black velvet bag that, along with other items that could be used at a different time, had the particular one you were searching for. 

Feeling ready, you reopened the door.

--

Hunter only got as far as taking off his shoes and undoing his tie before the door reopened and he stopped everything he was doing and just stared at you. 

It wasn’t just the striking image of you in the white lingerie that had him rooted to the spot, he’d also clocked the object you were holding in your hand. His breath hitched. “Sweetheart…” His tone was cautionary because already his self-control was evaporating and his own plan was forming in his head but he had a feeling he wasn’t going to be involved as much as he wanted to be.

You gestured to the small bag you now left open on top of your bedside table. “I’ll admit, I was a bit unsure when I first saw this as one of the things in there but after finding what worked for me, I understand why Lyra included it.” You responded, your voice low and enticing as you kept his attention entirely fixed on you. 

“When- when have you used this?” Hunter said, his voice hoarse as the images were enough to make his head spin. He couldn’t help himself either and he closed the gap between you before he immediately removed the robe and traced his mouth along your neck and across your collarbone. His hands caressed the fabric that graced your body. 

Your eyes flickered shut and a content sigh emitted from your lips. “Some nights you were home late and I just couldn’t wait.” 

In response to your words, Hunter ground out a groan against your throat and his hands tightened their grip on your hips but from the way you took a hold of his wrists, he was beginning to understand that was as far as he was going to get with you for the moment. 

“Remember what I said about not falling out of love with me?” You asked as you found your composure once more. 

Hunter nodded slowly as he waited for you to elaborate and then you said the words that made him feel immediately faint and all he could register was the primal desire that was coursing through his veins as he got clarity on your intentions. 

“I want you to wait. And I want you to watch. Can you be good and do that for me?” You crooned against his lips before you kissed him seductively and you watched the change in his eyes as your words registered with him. 

A noise that was mixed with agreement and anguish left his lips as he could do nothing to prevent you from removing yourself and taking your place on the bed. 

Feeling emboldened by his reaction, you offered him a coy smirk and laid down. You turned it on and a sharp gasp that swiftly morphed into a groan left your mouth as you ran the toy down your clothed chest, and further still, teasing yourself in the areas that heightened the arousal coursing through your veins. 

“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking about.” Hunter begged. He needed to know what you were thinking about if he had any hope of standing by and waiting for your permission to touch you. 

Now that was something you had no trouble divulging. “I always imagine you. I imagine your touch, your lips on my skin.”

In a bizarre way, that was the last thing he wanted to hear. He’d hoped for some generic fantasy, something different that could aid him in distancing himself from the moment so he could just enjoy the view but he was now unable to do that. Those words were not helpful in quelling his ever rising need for you. “Sweetheart, please…” Hunter croaked as he could barely find the strength within him to stay standing. Hearing and seeing you like this was sending every part of him into overdrive. 

But you just about managed to shake your head as you kept going, “I imagine your fingers, your tongue, how right it feels when you’re inside of me.” Your words left you through breathless, pleasure induced whispers and your hips bucked as you finally pulled your underwear to the side and applied pressure with the toy where you were also craving his touch. Hunter’s quiet but eager words of encouragement only spurned you on. You kept changing the pace and vibrations so you could prolong the experience. You didn’t mind toying with him or teasing yourself, you knew it would only lead to the reaction from him that you were hoping for. 

Hunter’s mouth felt like it was filled with cotton but he just about managed to gain control of his faculties to reply, “What was that you said about living to torture me?” He rasped, the raw, unfiltered desperation in his voice seeping through as he watched you in utter awe. He sank to his knees at the end of the bed, fingers clawing at the sheets as he forced himself to follow your instructions. His gaze alternated between what was happening between your legs and the expression on your face as you took control over your own pleasure. It was a sight that set his blood on fire but what he was watching was like no test he’d ever faced before, and he would give anything to do this with you, no matter how small a contribution it would be. 

You couldn't find the words to reply for the moment. You were careening towards that cliff-edge that would bring your unbridled relief and you couldn’t bring yourself to delay it any further. 

Hunter immediately recognised the change in your breath and the crinkle in your brow and he couldn’t wait any longer. His patience snapped and he grabbed a hold of your wrist to stop you from going any further. He crawled up your body and kissed you fiercely, muffling your sounds of protest. He pinned your arms above your head, all the while never breaking away from your lips and the slow grind of his hips served as a temporary relief for him as well as an easy and pleasurable distraction for you as he worked the toy out of your grasp. 

Hey- You started to argue as you realised what he’d done.  

“My turn.” Hunter growled against your throat as he sucked a mark on your pulse point, relishing in your quiet moan and the way your body arched under his in response to the action. He found the strength to remove himself from you and alter your places, so he was against the headboard of the bed and your back was against his chest. He angled your head to face straight ahead. “I’m not the only one who should be watching,” He murmured into your ear, “I want you to see how stunning you are and why I can’t control myself around you. You, my perfect wife, are a sight to behold.” With that, he raked his teeth across the skin of your neck and reapplied the toy to where he was longing to be but for now, he would resist. He wanted to have his way with you like this first.

You watched yourself in the bureau mirror and your breath quivered at the sight. Not only was there something particularly and devastatingly arousing about the fact that Hunter was still fully dressed in his immaculate suit while you were wearing next to nothing. But what also added to the excitement was that you had never seen yourself like this and you finally grasped what he was talking about. You couldn’t take your eyes away from your reflection. Your pupils were blown wide, your lips were parted in a perfect ‘o’ shape and your body slotted against his like you were made to be with him. 

Hunter rested his chin on the crook of your neck and watched as your spine bent to his every design, watching your face carefully as he worked the toy between your legs. The noises leaving you fuelling his need to make this an unforgettable experience. “These sounds you make, they’re better than any noise I’ve heard before…. that furrow in your brow, the way your lips part when you can’t stay quiet… the tension in your body I feel before you find relief… all of it is something I can’t believe I get to witness or that I get to create.” Hunter said the words in a frenzied state of passion and he needed to make sure you also understood. “Do you see why I’m so glad to call you mine? Do you see how beautiful you are?”

“Yes.” You agreed with a broken groan as your hips chased the sensations he was giving you. 

He removed the toy, ignoring your faint mewl of annoyance. “Who are you?” Hunter growled as he nipped on your earlobe. 

“I’m your wife.” You gasped, practically delirious with the effect he was having on you.

Hunter hummed his approval and put the toy back, grinning against your jaw as he kissed a sensual path along it before he asked next, “And who am I?”

“You’re my husband.” You panted as you saw the way his ring reflected in the evening light. 

Yes he was. And that was never going to change. “Come for your husband.”

You fell apart with a loud cry and panted breathlessly as you sagged against his chest, but he wasn’t done with you yet. “Hunter-” You choked on your words as he kept going. You went to snap your legs shut but the way he’d entangled his legs with yours made the act impossible. You were completely at his mercy, and you couldn’t think of anything better. As you kept your eyes fixed on your two reflections, you saw the hunger in them and you couldn’t believe you’d spent so long denying yourself these feelings you had for him but you couldn’t linger on those thoughts as you felt yourself stumbling towards another release. Another shout emitted from your lips as that build up of wonderful pressure crashed through you.

As he worked you through the second one, another idea entered Hunter’s head and he kissed the sensitive spot behind your ear. “I wonder how many times I can make you finish with this.” He purred with seductive intent but he allowed you a moment to recover as he traced his lips over any skin he could reach.  

A whimper left you at the very thought but that wasn’t what you wanted yet. You wanted to feel him, you craved the feeling of him inside you. You wanted your husband. You used your freedom to turn and straddle him. “For the next two weeks, you can do whatever you want. But I need you. Now.” You insisted breathlessly against his lips as you practically tore his jacket off and frantically got to work on unbuttoning his shirt. 

It hit him then. Two weeks. He had two weeks of pure relaxation with you. One week here, and one away on the neighbouring island planet that he’d been to a couple days ago upon Shep’s safety recommendation and he’d seen for himself how little the people there cared for or even paid attention to the Empire. 

There’d be no interruptions.

No jobs needing done. 

Just him and you. 

Alone. 

And the thought excited him much more than he’d anticipated. With a low, eager groan, he let go of the toy, wrapped his arms around you and captured your lips in a searing kiss and helped aid you in your attempts to undress him before he did the same for you. 

You raised your hips before carefully bringing them back down to welcome him as your bodies became one, the sensation making both your breath’s catch in your throat. 

Hunter kept you secure for a second as your hips became flush with his. He needed a moment to compose himself and he also wanted to give you time to adjust. He tenderly tucked the dishevelled strands of hair back from your face and looked into your eyes and he saw a love that he knew was reflected in the way he looked at you too- and it wasn’t an expression that was just for tonight but it was one that you shared for as long as you’d known one another. He couldn’t believe how there’d been a time where he thought feeling this happy, feeling this much love wasn't a possibility for either of you. “Tell me when.” He requested, his voice strained. 

Move. Please. You gave your consent instantly as you kissed him once more and finally, he loosened his grip and the act gave you both what you were longing for. 

The two of you moved in perfect synchronisation, swallowing each other’s groans with loving, passionate kisses. 

There was nothing but pure, unfiltered love between the two of you as you got lost in the pleasure induced haze you were gifting one another. 

“Sweetheart, I- I can’t- I’m-” Hunter stammered desperately as he moved his hips in tandem with yours. He’d already been close to the edge when he was both watching and participating in your little game and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold out with how perfect you felt now but he needed you to finish one more time. He needed to feel you come apart again. 

You recognised the change in his pace and you knew he was nearing that same point you were. “With me.” You encouraged as you twisted your fingers in his hair to ground you as you were tumbling towards that moment of ecstasy. 

Hunter felt you tighten around him which only brought on his own release. He buried his face in your chest as he finished with a deep moan.

You collapsed against his chest and for a moment, the only sounds that filled the air were your uneven pants and the island critters that came alive at this time of night. Wow, that- I- I don’t know what else to say other than that.

Hunter huffed out a laugh. “When we go away, bring that bag with you.” He requested into the quiet through heavy breaths as he stroked your back.

You chuckled softly as you rested your head against him and worked on catching your own breath. “So, Sergeant, now that you’ve made an honest woman out of me, what’s the plan for the next 14 days?”

“Keeping you in bed is a key part of my agenda.” He said with complete seriousness. 

A rush of arousal swept through your body at that thought. “We’ll need to eat at some point.” You pointed out with playful logic, a smile in your voice as you listened to his heartbeat. 

“Oh, I will… We know the counters here are strong enough anyway…” Hunter mused as his hands now slid up and down your sides. 

You raised yourself to catch the gleam in his eye and you shook your head fondly. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Hunter hummed out a soft laugh and made a path of kisses from the tip of your nose, to the hollow of your throat before he switched your positions, so he was now on top of you. “The second part of my plan is making sure I make you as happy as you make me.”

Your fingers stroked through the small pieces of his fringe before you threaded your fingers in his dark locks. “You’ve already done that and more. I’ve never been happier.” You said with deep sincerity, and you kissed him gently, the promise of your new life together implicitly understood in the tender way you met the passionate, loving strokes of his mouth. 

Finally, you felt utterly complete and at peace.

--

Ten years later

The moonlight was her only guide as she walked the familiar path to the cave.

She quietly made her way into the cavern and to her new ship that was finally ready to fly. 

She didn’t feel great about leaving in the dead of night without saying a proper goodbye but her mind was made up and she couldn’t face any more debates. 

She was going and that was that. She knew you’d all accept her choice in time. 

–

As she entered and crouched down to turn the lamps on, she heard a faint bark and as she followed the source of the sound, she realised she wasn’t alone after all.

Of course, she should’ve known the couple that consisted of a Jedi and a clone with enhanced senses would make it impossible to do anything sneakily. 

She fondly shook her head and made her way over to where you two were sitting by the area of the cave that looked out through and opening to where the moonlight and ocean met.  

–

“Thought you could just sneak off?” Hunter said with an amused lilt to his voice before he sighed as he realised there was no changing what was about to happen. “Time hasn’t dulled all my senses.”

“And older Jedi or now, you forget that we know you pretty well by now.” You pointed out with a kind smile from Hunter’s left. 

Omega sat down on Hunter’s other side. “This shouldn’t be a surprise. The Rebellion needs pilots now more than ever.” 

Hunter simply released a resigned sigh. 

“I’ve made my choice, Hunter. I want to do more.” 

“And we want to keep you safe.” 

A light huff of laughter left her lips. Some things time never changed and Hunter’s protective nature was one of those things. “You have but I’m not a kid anymore. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Oh, come on, Omega. You know we can’t do that.” You reminded her with a slight smile. You were prepared for this but the reality of it was always going to be hard to handle. 

Hunter nodded his agreement with your statement before he said to her, “You’re our kid, Omega. You always will be.”

She glanced at you “Hunter, you’ve all fought enough. This is my fight. I’m ready.” She needed him to understand that or she’d be leaving with a heavy heart. Omega looked to you for confirmation that he was finally ready to let her go as you were the only one during the beginning of all the back and forth that had immediately shown a willingness to hear her out. 

He’s not here to stop you but let him have a bit longer with you, okay? You requested gently and you saw her give you a subtle dip of her head that she’d heard you.

“Yeah I know you are, but I’m not.” Hunter admitted with a deep sigh. He registered your hand squeezing his knee in comfort. 

My love, it’s time. You said delicately.

Hunter released a shaky exhale before you all got to your feet.

Omega gave Hunter a warm embrace before she pulled back but left her hands on his shoulders. “Keep an eye on the others while I’m gone. Batcher too.” Omega instructed with a sad but also content smile. Leaving was never going to be easy but at least now she had the blessing of those that mattered most to her.

You took your turn and squeezed her tight. Take this.

Omega’s eyes widened as she parted from you and saw what you were holding. “No, I can’t. It’s-”

“I want you to have it, Omega.” You insisted as you tied the bracelet with your blue kyber crystal attached to it. I love you, kid and I know you won’t exactly have time for a weekly comm chat but this way, I’ll always know where you are.

Omega gave you a happy but slightly teary-eyed smile as she nodded her acceptance of the gift. 

The three of you shared in a final group hug before you separated for the last time.

“Off you go.” Hunter encouraged with a sad but accepting grin.

Omega darted up the steps of her ship.

“Omega…” 

She half turned to face Hunter again.

“If you ever need us, we’ll be there.” He promised as he wrapped his arm around you and squeezed your shoulder. 

“Just say where and when.” You affirmed passionately. 

Omega nodded and powered up the shift and she’d never felt more ready for this next adventure. With a final wave of farewell from the cockpit, she got the ship in the air.

In response to Batcher’s quiet whine as the ship took off, Hunter reassured the hound, “It’s alright, girl. She’ll be fine.” 

“They won’t know what hit them.” You said proudly as you watched the ship fade into the distance. 

“The Empire or the Rebellion?” Hunter quipped.

“Both.” You replied with a smile. “Come on. We’ve got our family to get back too.” You intertwined your hands and the two of you and your faithful hound companion left the cavern. 

–

“So, now that one of our own is off on the next adventure, are you still liking the boring, domestic life?” Hunter asked light-heartedly as the two of you made your way back to your home.

You paused and looped your arms around his neck with a doting smile. “I love my boring, domestic life and you forget, this life has my handsome husband in it and I would be crazy if I wanted anything different.” You replied sincerely. 

Hunter offered you a small, playful smirk. “Still handsome huh? Don’t you mean old?”

You arched a sceptical brow. Surely he wasn’t serious? Your eyes hungrily scanned the healthy body of a man that didn’t have to live battle to battle or ration to ration and the grown out hair that had beautiful streaks of light grey mixed in with the dark brown locks. And the beard? You didn’t have enough words or time to even express how well that worked for him. He never failed to get your heart racing, no matter how much time passed. “Have you seen yourself, Hunter? It’s actually unfair how good you look.”

Hunter returned your smile and placed his hands on your waist and pulled you closer to him. He nuzzled the side of your face as he murmured, “You get my heart racing too.”

You chuckled softly- you knew he would’ve sensed the increase in your heartbeat. You kissed him tenderly in response before the two of you walked on. 

You ruminated in your thoughts as your home drew nearer. Omega wasn’t a kid anymore, this decision was hers to make and she had all the support behind her. Would you all worry? Of course you would, that was a given no matter what she was signing up for but she had proven time and time again that she could take care of herself. Your paths may be different now but family was the only thing you could always count on and no matter where any of you ended up, that was a certainty that was never going to fade with time. 

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @andreaaxy, @moonychicky, @notgonnaedit, @arctrooper69, @dizzy-9906, @nightmonkeysstuff, @allthingsimagines, @thegreymarveljedi, @jellybeanstacey0519, @callsign-denmark, @superbookishhufflepuff, @qvnthesia, @justsomerandompersonintheworld, @ooostarwarsfandom501st, @dreamsight73, @yourreababboon, @livin-life-to-the-coolest

[balrogballs]

I usually send you goblin asks but I’m feeling crap today because of another 4 years under Trump as a queer person, finding it hard to function. I love how you word stuff and I remember you said you were an activist, and wondered if maybe you have some words for the situation we’re in right now? Please ignore this if it’s too weird of an ask, I know you’re not American so please ignore if this sounds entitled or America-centric.

Don’t worry, not a weird ask! Thinking of all of you in the States today.

I left this for hours because I didn’t know how to reply — it didn’t feel right to write something specific to the US as I don’t live there, isn’t my place. I understand marginalisation itself — a name like mine invites an unholy trinity of antisemitism, islamophobia and racism — still, I wouldn’t understand what a queer person in the States is going through.

But — you’re right, I was indeed an activist and remembered that a section from The Sword Tree was actually lifted almost directly (less reverse Lindircident and more that I built the story around it) from the tail end of a speech I delivered a few years ago at an antiracist rally and blockade I called.

I’ve attached the segment here (from the speech transcript that is, not the elf version) as I think it sends out a message of hope, which may be what you’re after. I hope it helps and keeping you in my thoughts ❤️

Forgive the theatrics and emphases, I only have a screenshot of it + all public speeches are performances and this was one after which I lost my voice for a week 🥲

[nyoomfruits]

for the wip prompt game!! 🌤️ your dialogue (and writing in general) is always so wonderful and im so excited for this fic!!

thank u for sharing!! :D

IT WAS SO HARD TO PICK A PIECE OF DIALOGUE but here, have oscar and max being little f1 nerds <3

“Please, that’s such a cliché answer,” Max says raising his eyebrow in Oscar’s direction. “Tell me your real favorite race.” They’re sitting on the couch in Max and Charles’s living room, on either side, legs stretched out in front of them. Max is making his way through a hefty portion of Amatriciana while Oscar is picking at his Carbonara.

Oscar sighs, pokes at a piece of guanciale. “Fine. Germany, 2009.”

Max frowns. “What happened at-“ He stops, suddenly, as realization seems to hit him, and he grins instead. “Mark Webber’s little fan boy, huh?”

“Fuck off,” Oscar mumbles into another bite, acutely aware he’s turning ever so slightly red. “It was cool, alright. First time an Australian actually won a race in like, a long time. Plus it was when I was just getting into F1.” He pauses then, bites at his lip, twirls a piece of spaghetti around on his fork. “It’s uh, I guess in a way. Kind of the reason I actually started karting and such. You know, knowing an Australian would have a chance, too.”

Max, to his credit, merely nods, instead of laughing at him. “I mean, I guess we don’t choose our hero’s, our hero’s choose us.” He grins then, a suspiciously shit eating one.

“Oh, shut up,” Oscar says, heat creeping up his face, kicking his leg out so it punches against Max’s outstretched leg. “What’s your favorite race then, oh wise one.”

“1996 Spanish Grand Prix,” Max says. “Michael vs. the rain, it’s phenomenal.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen that one,” Oscar says, thoughtfully, as he takes a bite of his pasta.

“You haven’t?” Max looks a little incredulously. “C’mon, it’s like. Textbook stuff. A masterclass in driving in the rain. That and Senna’s 1984’s Monaco Grand Prix.”

Oscar shrugs. “I haven’t watched a lot of the old stuff, if I’m honest.”

“The old- oh my god,” Max says, reaching over to the coffee table to grab the remote. “We are fixing this right now. This is ridiculous. Has never seen the 1996 Spanish Grand Prix. Wait until Charles hears about this.”

Oscar knows Charles well enough by now to know that Charles will either roll his eyes fondly or counter with another supposedly iconic race he thinks everyone and their mother should have watched.

[throatgoat4u]

hello friends 👋🏽. i have decided that im going to take a little break for now. i haven’t been in the best state of mind recently due to some thing in my life and i feel 0 motivation to do anything. i havent been liking any of my writings recently and end up deleting them or im writing something and i suddenly hate the idea. it’s taken a lot of the joy i used to find in writing away from me and it now feels like a chore. also, ap tests are in march. we’re already starting preparations for ap tests in school which adds a whole lot of work onto my already heavy work load. i know i havent been here a while and it seems odd to take a break so early but i find that i can’t do it anymore. and when i mean break, i mean i’ll be deleting tumblr. i don’t know when i’ll be back, but the soonest i’ll be back is is after ap season is over but i’m not sure. it’ll all depend on if i’m ready or not. i know i’m leaving a lot of stuff unfinished and i really didn’t want to. i wanted to at least finish my series, hold me again, before i left but i find myself finding excuses not to write it. it’s not that i don’t want to, i just can’t find it in me anymore to sit down, write, enjoy it, and actually like what i write. thank you for the support that each and every one of you have given me so far and i’ll forever be grateful. love you guys and hope to see you soon 🫶

[guiltyasdave]

get to know your moots

thank you for the tag @ace-turned-confused @strang3lov3 @thundermartini this was such a delightfully long one haha <3

what's the origin of your blog title? it’s based on the song guilty as sin by taylor swift which is one of my favorites ever, in combination with my man dave obviously <3

OTP(s) + shipname: phew… i did go pretty hard for dramione for a long time and went through an intense hellcheer (stranger things) phase. right now my otp is me x every pedro character lol

favorite color: light blue!

favorite game: the last of us, duh

song stuck in your head: the succession theme lmao

weirdest habit/trait? i constantly sing to myself when i’m alone (i can’t sing at all)

hobbies: reading, writing, movies, all kinds of crafty stuff

if you work, what's your profession? i have a degree in law studies and work at my local city government, making decisions about supportive measures for children with special needs :)

if you could have any job you wish what would it be? a writer :) and of course i want to own a café that also sells plants and books, only that i really don’t want to work there, just hang around all day lol

something you're good at: being kind 😌

something you're bad at: setting boundaries

something you love: time with myself :)

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: taylor swift

something you hate: the times we live in i fear

something you collect: books

something you forget: nothing ever tbh (it’s the anxiety)

what's your love language? i recently saw a tiktok about how many oldest daughters don’t really know their love language because they’re so trained to take care of others that every bit of attention that makes them feel seen, no matter in what form, is basically their love language aaaand that’s me i fear

favorite movie/show: pride and prejudice (2005)

favorite food: all things italian

favorite animal: orcas!!!

what were you like as a child? very shy, very quiet, probably already anxious

favorite subject at school? english!

least favorite subject? pe for sureeeee

what's your best character trait? all of them 😌

what's your worst character trait? social awkwardness

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? today? nothing i think, i actually liked today :)

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? an alien from the future haha

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): cover me up by @almostfoxglove 🫶🏻

no pressure tags: @reddedmiller @almostfoxglove @always-andromeda @quinnnfabrgay @shellshocklove @morallyinept @peggyao3 @javier-pena @ovaryacted @goodwithcheese @secretelephanttattoo @jolapeno @sceletaflores @elflutter @princessanglophile @iknowisoundcrazy @kiwisbell @seventeenpins @kedsandtubesocks @jeewrites @jennaispunk @toomanystoriessolittletime @toomanytookas @getitoutofmymindwrites @hellfire-state-of-mind @hellishjoel @galway-girlatwork @scenaaario @perotovar

[therealtomboyfangirl]

The Security breach y/n’s

Sooooo I guess I should start doing head canon stuff I’m ganna start by starting my fnaf security breach story here. It’s a y/n story where hear y/n is different deal with it heh. So this post will be intro ducitng that I guess. They all do join at different time stamps of the pizza plex so note the when the pizza plex opens, before Bonnie’s decommission and after Bonnie decommission as time stamps of how long they have worked there. Also Represention HEH

Sun/moon’s y/n

Janitor (because sun and moon keep destroying janitor bots)

Punk morals

Has lots of tattoos and piercing and looks a bit out of place when they start working their

Gender fluid

Poly/pansexual/ demisexual

Does not understand kids and just treats them like tiny adults not really fully comfortable around them at the start but does warm up to them

always wears a bandana at work

Once their there for a good bit good-luck getting them to be fired they know to much

Their in a Toxic relationship when they start at the pizza plex

Newer staff, arrived after Bonnie decommission

Runs off of energy drinks

Monty’s y/n

Bisexual

Fem

Is strong enough to ligit throw Monty over her shoulder

Mommy issues

Has a strong will

Afraid of dark cramped spaces

Is very gentle with kids but doesn’t put up with shit from anyone

Has a fun little game of stepping on Monty’s tail at least once a day

Been around before Bonnie was decommissioned

Freddy’s y/ns

There are multiple (3 total)

Their all poly and pan or bi

1 fem (y/n #1)and 2 nonbinary (y/n #2&#3)

Freddy has so many due to him being the main star attraction

Y/n #1 is Freddy’s og handler

the leader of Freddy’s handlers.

Headstrong and protective

A situationship that has never been official with Freddy since the first week of the plex being open

Very much mommy vibes

Has a kid

Y/n #2 was Bonnie’s og handler but got transferred to Freddy after Bonnie’s decommission (more info go to Bonnie’s y/n below)

Y/n #3 was Monty’s og handler

They were transferred over to Freddy after being physically hurt by Monty

Monty didn’t know how to handle his temper back then and always took it out on y/n which was the start of Freddy’s dislike for Monty (it does get repaired later on but wayyyy later on)

They have nightmares form that time but are always comforted by the other handlers and Freddy

Chica’s y/n

Bisexual

Ftm trans

He is very tall and strong and quite

He had an intimidating aura about him

Always wears the same leather jacket

Has had issues in the past (won’t put here so they can be surprises)

Amazing lesbian moms

Will punt a bitch

Can’t pick up on flirting

Hispanic and calls Chica chica as a term of endearment

Has a pet bird named Carino

Childhood friend with DJ’s y/n who got him this job

Post Bonnie decommission

Works out for fun

Runs off of energy drinks

Rides a motorcycle

Punk mindset

DJ music man’s y/n

Asexual

Nonbinary

Helped build the pizza plex

The head sound and electrical engineer

Has 3 master degrees all in engineering

The oldest out of all the y/n’s

Runs off of energy drinks

Has access to all the pizza plex servers and software and even helped write a lot of it

Is often in the dj’s area due to the custom speakers he has

Has a prosthetic leg

Orphan

Roxy’s y/n

Lesbian

Mtf trans

She is a get shit done type of person

She sasses back to Roxy which starts their friendship

Uses a cane as a mobility aid

Wears a lot of pink and red

Is one of the few people that can do Roxy’s hair

Post Bonnie decommission

Orphan

Runs an online blog exposing big corporations and politics stuff

Foxy’s y/n

Genderfluid

Pansexual

Used to work as a bouncer before the plex

Has a generally bubbling and kind personality

Has close to same physical strength at Monty’s y/n

They and Monty’s y/n often pull Monty and foxy away form fights

They are the only handler foxy has ever had

Post Bonnie decommission

Is a hugger

Plus sized

Is the easiest to get to cry

Bonnie’s y/n

Nonbinary

Bisexual

Is currently Freddy’s second handler Bonnie’s og handler

Was always nice to Bonnie and they had a situationship

Before Bonnie was decommission Bonnie pushed them away which they were suspicious of

They say Bonnie was decommissioned Bonnie trapped them in a closet

#sucial Bonnie

Bonus character : little Timmy

A little shit

Karen mom

[florencechase]

So I came across the Mayfair Witches thing with Lestat and Felix, and like pretty much everyone on here I was bummed but then I though about it for a very long time, went through the books again and… here’s how I think they can still make it work. Just as a disclaimer though, I’ve only fully read IWTV and TVL, and am currently like 1/3 through QOTD, so if there’s anything in the books after that that disproves my theory I’m sorry! But since the Lestat/Felix arc takes place towards the end of IWTV, I thought I’d still give it a go.

So the main issue here that people bring up is that if Lestat taught Felix to “cull the herd”, he can’t be book Lestat because book Lestat admits to only killing the “evildoers”, so why would he tell Felix to be so merciless? The answer: it’s complicated.

Lestat, the book and the show version, is unfortunately (or fortunately because that’s part of what makes him so interesting) a man who often does the opposite of what he says. I took a closer look at his first moments with Gabrielle after he turns her, and we have a similar situation in which he’s teaching her how to kill. Here’s an excerpt from it:

“I found a victim as soon as we had crossed the river […] [a]nd as I lured the victim out of the tavern, as I teased him, maddened him, and then took him, I knew I was showing off for her, making it a little crueler, more playful. And when the kill came, it had an intensity to it that left me spent afterwards.” (TVL, p. 147)

When he’s teaching others how to kill, he likes to show off. Simple as that. I’m sure the victim he chose was a criminal, like most his victims, but the point is he never told Gabrielle that. To her knowledge what Lestat just did was brutally murder some random man. Two pages later we have the following passage when Gabrielle makes her first kill and it’s the guy on the horse she ends up stealing the clothes from:

“I was shaken. The innocence of her victims didn’t trouble her. She didn’t fight my moral battles. But then I didn’t fight them anymore either, so why should I judge her? Yet the ease witch which she slew the young man – gracefully breaking his neck when the little drink she took was not enough to kill him – angered me tough it had been extremely exciting to watch. She was colder than I. She was better at all of it, I thought. Magnus had said, “Show no mercy.” But had he meant us to kill when we did not have to kill?” (TVL, pp. 149-150)

Lestat obviously doesn’t feel comfortable killing innocent people, but there’s not one scene in which he either tells someone he’s having moral dilemmas with it, or tells others they shouldn’t kill innocent people. It’s his thing, and it’s his struggle, but he never shares it until he writes about it in TVL. Here’s another excerpt that highlights this:

“When [Louis] says I played with innocent strangers, befriending them and then killing them, how was he to know that I hunted almost exclusively among the gamblers, the thieves, and the killers, being more faithful to my unspoken vow to kill the evildoer than even I had hoped I would be?” (TVL, pp. 434-435)

The key phrase here is “how was he to know”, so Louis had no idea! All this time he spent with Louis, and he never told him that’s what he was doing! Which brings me back to the show, to the reunion moment where Lestat tells Louis “I don’t like to point out my virtues.”

Of course, in the context he’s talking about not telling him he saved him at the trial, but it’s a pretty general statement about himself and it’s true, so far, in the book. He only kills innocent people, never tells anyone about it. He saves Louis at the trial, never tells anyone about it. And while I’ve seen some theories about how him not telling Louis he saved him was part of some pact he made with Armand, I’m just going to take things at face value here until the show proves otherwise.

Lestat always claims he’s “evil” in the books, but he does a whole bunch of stuff to disprove that. I think part of why he doesn’t let people know his good deeds is because there’s a part of him that wants to be perceived as the “evil monster” that he sees himself as. It’s the biggest irony ever for Lestat out of all vampires to claim he’s evil when he’s never acted with malicious intent (in the books, but I would even say in the show as well but the show is more complex in that regard).

The big thing about Lestat, which would also set him apart from show!Louis is that he does his thing and lets others do their thing. He doesn’t interfere with others, doesn’t tell them how to live their lives “the correct way”. Sure, he has many heated discussions about it with Nicki, but those are not him telling Nicki he should live according to his philosophy just because he thinks it’s the correct way to view life. Nicki hates himself at that point, which just gets worse with his way of thinking, and Lestat’s trying to pull him out of that. Nicki’s worldview is actively harmful to him and at least part of the reason for his eventual demise. But that’s not really relevant here, so I’m just going to leave it at that.

Which brings me back to Felix and Lestat. Did he, at some point, go out of his shack to kill people to show Felix how to do it? Not necessarily. The show doesn’t say he did, he could’ve simply just told him how to do it, he did after all figure it out himself too. It’s pretty intuitive I suppose for a vampire, and even when Claudia does her first kill Lestat isn’t shown killing first. He waits in the car with Louis and Claudia manages just fine.

Lestat knows what’s in their nature as vampires, but he himself doesn’t follow it at all times. It’s implied in one of the excerpts above, when he says he’s “being more faithful to [his]unspoken vow to kill the evildoer than even [he] had hoped [he] would be.” He’s not holding himself to any strict rules or high standards here. He’s trying his best, and if he takes an innocent life, he probably feels uncomfortable about it (while he secretly enjoys the feeling) but he’s probably just like “oh well.”

And with Felix, it could absolutely be a situation of do as I say, not as I do. He teaches him what’s in their nature, but he himself chooses to do differently. That, to me, sounds quite a lot like book!Lestat.

Besides, another aspect I’d like to point out is the definition of the word “cull”. Since English isn’t my native language, I had to look it up to really get all the nuances it implies. Here’s what google says:

“Selective slaughter”. Now here’s where I might be wrong and please correct me if I am, but since there are parallels to Darwin in MW, couldn’t that also imply selectively killing a particular group of people? As in, weed out the evildoers, or the weakest who don’t have a chance of survival anyways (as Lestat does after Louis tries to kill him)? The latter would make sense with the Darwin parallel. What we see in MW may be skewed through Felix’ perspective. I haven’t watched MW, but these things happen all the time in IWTV. Killing mercilessly may be only his interpretation of what Lestat said.

TL;DR: Lestat understands vampiric nature well enough to teach others how to kill “like a vampire” when he himself still chooses to do differently. He also doesn’t “like to point out [his] virtues” which is why he never actually told anyone he only kills criminals.