#I’m so fucking burnt out and tired
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The air is starting to smell like isolating myself and avoiding all contact with everyone again and I’m not sure if I really want that but I am
o v e r w h e l m e d
#bapple vents#bapple is stressed af#can’t cope anymore tbh#I’m like a sharing bread on a table full of hungry orphans#please can I just live in a cave for a week#this fucking year#it just won’t stop#every time I feel better all it takes is one or two things and I’m drowning all over again#I’m so fucking burnt out and tired#I just need to sleep for a thousand years#and not have anyone need anything from me#and I’ll be fine
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“You’re going to blow out your arms,” the villain observed. They watched as the hero merely grit their teeth, shoving themself through another pull-up. It looked painful, and if the sweat slicking the hero’s brow was any indication, it was.
They waited for the hero to let themself drop from the bar and accept the villain was stronger. But they didn’t.
Three more pull-ups, and the villain stepped in.
“Hero,” they said slowly. “You’re about to tear the ligaments in your arms. You need to stop.”
The hero blew out a shuddering breath. Struggled for purchase, fighting gravity—and let themself drop.
The hero’s hands were bleeding, calluses torn open by the bar. The hero didn’t seem bothered when their own hands shook so much that their blood began to splatter on the gym floor.
For a moment, the villain could only stare at them.
Shit.
They didn’t know how to handle this. They knew the hero was dedicated. They knew the hero was strong, and perpetually trying to be stronger, but they hadn’t thought…
They hadn’t thought the hero would be so willing to tear apart their own body for success.
It was supposed to be fun, the villain thought. They felt a little sick as the hero pressed their palms together to soothe the bleeding, an action that was practiced and familiar. As if they had done this before.
The hero reached for something in their bag, smearing blood on the side, and pulled out a roll of blue electrical tape. The villain didn’t understand why, until the hero tore a strip off and made to wrap their hands with it.
The hero would be the death of them.
They crouched in front of the hero, plucking the electrical tape out of their hands.
“What are you doing with this?”
The hero blinked at the villain like they were the strange one in this situation.
“Wrapping my hands?”
The villain hissed in a breath.
“With electrical tape?”
The hero flushed slightly, looking down at their bloody hands. They looked close to tears.
“It…sticks to skin, really well. And it doesn’t move, either, when you move your hands or wherever else, even if you’re fighting. Plus, blood doesn’t make it come off, at least, not for a while.”
The villain blinked at them.”
“Blood doesn’t make it come off,” the villain repeated, processing. The hero nodded, reaching for the electrical tape. The villain settled it out of reach.
“Not if you wrap it right.”
Dimly, the villain realized that meant the hero had done this enough times to have it down to a science.
“And you couldn’t use a bandaid?” The villain asked incredulously. The hero shrugged a shoulder, then winced at the motion.
Yeah, the hero had absolutely blown out their arms.
“Bandaids move—“
The villain hushed them.
“Be quiet for a second.”
The hero, wisely, went quiet.
The villain rubbed a hand over their face, then studied the hero for a moment. They took one of the hero’s hands into their own, studying the damage.
“Why did you do this to yourself,” the villain murmured.
“What do you mean, why,” the hero snapped. “It’s my job.”
“Your job is to save people,” the villain corrected. “Not destroy yourself.”
“I’m not destroying myself—“
“You are.”
“Shut up—“
“Hero.”
“I need to be better,” the hero snapped. Their voice rang out across the gym, echoing into the rafters, and they both froze. After a moment, the hero spoke again, voice soft. “I need to be better.”
They said it like they needed the villain to understand. The villain wondered who they were really saying it to—the villain, or themself.
“Better than who?”
“Everyone.” It was hushed, like a secret.
The villain watched them, waiting.
The hero took a shaky breath
“My whole thing is being the best. I have always been the best. That’s the only reason I matter. If I’m not strong enough, then I am nothing, so I need. to be. better.”
The hero had started crying, very quietly, like they were afraid to take up too much space.
The villain was not equipped to handle gifted kid burnout.
“There’s more to you than just being a good athlete,” the villain said hesitantly, and the hero shook their head.
“No. There isn’t.”
“Hero.”
“Can you give me back my electrical tape?” They hiccuped to contain a sob.
“No,” the villain said firmly, and then the hero really was sobbing.
“You don’t understand—“
The villain didn’t. Not really. They had never been the kind of talented that the hero was.
They wondered now if maybe that was a blessing.
“I don’t,” the villain agreed. “But I do understand that you’ve saved half the city, and you give everything you have to give, and you always do your best.”
“But I-“
“No.” The villain stopped them. “You are doing your best.” They tipped the hero’s chin up until they met the villain’s eyes. “And it is enough.”
The hero froze, eyes darting over the villain’s face. They wondered if anyone had ever said that to the hero, if whatever mentor they had was giving them anything other than orders to be stronger. Be better. Be more.
The villain had some new targets to take care of, it would seem.
For now, though, they had to take care of hero.
“We’re going to go wrap your hands,” they said softly. “And then we’re going to take care of your arms, and you’re going to take a nap.”
The hero nodded, watching them like they were some kind of good, selfless person.
“And if I ever catch you using electrical tape again, so help me, I will put you six feet under.”
That startled a laugh out of the hero, and they let the villain guide them to their feet.
“Fine.”
The villain turned to them. “Okay?”
Are you going to be alright?
The hero seemed to understand.
“Okay,” the hero agreed.
Yes.
And so, it was.
#writing#writing community#snippet#angst#heroes and villains#ficlet#writblr#hero/villain#hero whumpee#exhaustion#overworked#villain caretaker#whump#kind of#in case you’re wondering. yes you CAN do this to yourself. it’s completely possible#essentially what happens is if you do a motion (a pull-up) more than your body is capable#it gets mad. this is different from training till failure. this is to failure and then beyond#so while you started using the correct muscle groups you those muscles get tired and despite the tired you don’t stop#so then your body switches to muscles it SHOULDNT BE USINF and then you fuck up your elbows (in the case of pull-ups)#and then you can’t straighten your arms for a week bc the ligaments and tendons and all the little movement parts want to keep it curled in#I’m not a doctor#I’m just a gifted kid who was an athlete who got burnt out and destroyed her body lmao#this is possibly maybe based on true events that occurred#anyways. I’m not a doctor but you can use electrical tape on wounds. yes it sticks. yes it stays. it’s honestly very useful.#electrical tape > bandaids#do not do anything listed here it is BAD. do not blow out your muscles it hurts. properly clean ur injuries. I beg you.#don’t get injured at all#thank you to my friend who went “pull-up’ competition and then watched me create this angst#love u besties. drink water. go to sleep. summon demons. ❤️ self care
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this isnt rlly a serious post more so than a thought I need to verbalize but like. there’s an INSANE difference between the fandom being like “hey what if jack was actually his age and got to be a little normal” vs y’all treating a grown ass man like he has to cover his ears when someone swears or sleep with a nightlight on because he’s afraid of the dark, and throwing the P word around to anyone who thinks he’s attractive. one of these things is not like the other.
#there’s a layer here about giving jack the childhood he specifically chose not to have#and ignoring his other choices because that’s just. idk a running theme with any character who struggles to have autonomy#but whatever idk#genuinely i think the past year or so that I’ve spent talking about this has burnt me out#either that or I’m just too fixated on VB to really care too much#like obviously I still care about it and wish more was done to help but it’s not really a warpath for me to walk currently#just.#I’m just tired dawg#it’s like talking to a deaf brick wall#please just do some research into infantilization I cannot keep having a one sided conversation with people who don’t care#spn#jack kline#baby jack#spn fandom#fandom critical#fandom ableism#tfw2.0#not even just ableism it’s the whole mischaracterization woobified bullshit all over again#and the using baby jack as a prop for everyone else but I digress#jack: *chose not to be a child and hates being seen as one and is more than willing to get violent if he thinks he has to*#y’all for some fucking reason: he’s just a widdle baby he can’t handle the scary movie he needs his daddies to take care of him#I’ve already said all these things before#i am tired. so tired
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there’s no amount of escapism that can get us out of this one boys
#help i don’t understand anything in school#i cant focus on anything#nothing makes sense#i’m so tired all the time#it’s the second day back how am i already burnt out#god spoke to me this morning and said fuck you#slight vent#nat’s rambles
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It feels like there’s a lot of heavy energy right now
#everything just feels kind of hopeless and I feel like I’ll like#never be financially stable enough to leave my family#and like I’ll never have a deep and significant romantic relationship#like at this point I am just waiting for my dad to die and hoping for some semblance of peace and normalcy for the rest of my adult life#maryam's posts#like fuck man I just want romantic love#but it seems like everyone is just weird or burnt out or does the bare minimum#and here I am looking and feeling like an idiot#like I’m just tired#I wish my family wasn’t so scarily homophobic I could be comfortable enough being with someone who wasn’t a man#I just feel all alone#And I wish I had someone rn who could see that#and who could give me a hug and say that they loved me
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#only me who is getting tired of fucking passive aggressive pricks posting about Palestine#like yes reblog fundraisers (or as I like to do — lists of verified fundraisers)#and post in support but I’m seeing so many ‘well nobody cares about this anymore I guess people are just evil’#or ‘I’m so frustrated with you people who OBVIOUSLY don’t care anyways reblog this’#like yes it’s exhausting and disheartening when it feels like people don’t care#but this is the same issue we’ve had here since 2013 (and probably before but that’s when I joined) where people try to guilt others#like it’s just not it#like y’all get how distressing people into action will burn them out faster and in the long run harm the movement bc everyone’s burnt right?
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I love being chill and normal (threatened to stab my brother then punched my bedroom wall)
#anyways !#he gets to shower before I do even tho I have to be at work at seven tomorrow in person and he works from home#and I have to keep fucking driving him places like I have to get up super early on my day off on Saturday to drive him to the fucking#airport so he can travel up north and I have to just bring him to the airport and I’m not going up north I just have to drive back home and#it’s going to fucking kill me to do#and I’m so stressed and burnt out and on my period and I have to get up so early tomorrow for work and I’ve woken up in the middle of the#night the last two nights just to throw up so I really just want to shower and go to sleep so I can get up and go to work and then get back#home again and do nothing but be tired and wait to work again ughhhhhhhhhh#and I got on a discord call that 📞 was in and hearing her voice hit me like a truck and I started frustration crying about everything from#the last week so thank fuck some of these emotions are out of me a bit cause I was seriously going to hurt someone if my brain didn’t shutup#also for the record I didn’t say I was going to stab him someone on tv said something about stabbing someone and I said that’s what I wanna#do to you and he got all offended
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of course a famous former nhl player comes into work BEFORE i make it in
#i’m so sad……i was half an hour away from meeting him…..#also today has been stupid busy and i’m so fucking burnt out and tired#tea time!
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me after three days of in-person meetings and team-building activities.
#i understand her completely#that is the face i made this morning at 7:30 and i got up once again to leave my house before 9 am to be social#i am an empty dried husk.#i am a mango seed when you suck all the pulp and fruit off it#it was really nice to see my coworkers cause i work remotely (which is a true blessing)#and i was very proud of myself cause i didnt feel any anxiety going to a work social event/day like I have in the past#it was actually enjoying to interact with people and be social and FLEX those skills that I don’t often get to use#and as much as I like to be a curmudgeon half the time and be like ‘idgaf about what you did this weekend Karen’ you gotta make conversation#there was even someone cute who I hadn’t met before#my grandma and I had a conversation the other day and she’s like ‘so are you dating?’ and I’m like ‘grandma where will I meet a man?’#and she was like ‘you’re right. where would you meet someone nowadays? people usually meet through work#but I work virtually and half the people are married or not cute! but there was a guy in my assigned group who was cute#so I went out of my way to make conversation with him (it was about work and nothing came from that interaction) BUT STILL#it’s a good reminder I *can* have those interactions if I so choose#I was also ovulating though so I think I moving with more hunger shall we say#anyways#i am very very very tired and socially burnt out#i need to go for a long walk. smoke some weed. read fanfic. get off and go to bed. that is my main focus for the rest of the day#thank FUCK it’s friday tomorrow.
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Debating whether I should do sicktember today…
On one hand I want to have the satisfaction of having written every single day in September
On the other hand brain tired
#I shooouuullllddddd#but I’m actually so burnt out I did nothing today 🥲#the thought of opening my computer is giving me pain#but it’s an hour until the end of today for me to write and post#I have the idea#I know what happens#but brain tired#collectors thoughts#… fuck I’m going to write 😭#well see how far I get
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is it ok to blame the rain for how tired i am?
#acey talks#like it’s in my bones and my brain#i’ve been sleeping well and going to bed earlier than normal#but i’m still so fucking tired and it’s making it really hard to get anything done at work#(this could just be general burn out but from living? i’m burnt out from living?)
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#i want to like my job so much and i really want to care about it#i worked so hard to get to this point and i sacrificed so much for this job#and like i always hoped i’d one day get to go down this career path and begin to do these things#but it’s just so beyond stressful that it’s not worth it at this point#i don’t even get the bare minimum respect and it’s like pulling teeth to get people to so the bare minimum of their jobs#too many regulars are comfortable with being disrespectful to me and harassing me and there’s no support in dealing with these people#i’m given a bunch of responsibilities and they only just finally relented and gave me a couple more hours to get them done#but that’s still barely enough time to actually do anything#and i get paid total fucking shit to the point that i’m working other jobs to make rent because i can’t do it on this job alone#i’m just so burnt out and tired and i just don’t know if i can take it any more
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i’m going to throw up
#i don’t like people around me fighting and that is going to kill me#surely if i explain everyone’s side logically to the other one it will no ok we’re still mad and now i’m stressed awesome#why do i like. care so much#it feels like i am putting the most effort into this and it’s a relationship between two other people#i’m going to throw myself off a fuckjng bridge this family is never going to change#i just need it to be ok because it’s all i have and if it goes!! well let’s just say#that’s the ballgame folks#and maybe it is fucking selfish to ask them to play nice so i don’t get upset too but yknow what. it hasn’t worked anyway#everyone is the most important person#i’m at my wits fucking end and already tired and i really fucking thought. i could make some progress#i feel bad airing dirty laundry online but like. i don’t rly have anyone i can talk to who is not involved#man and i like. needed to do things this weekend. i am already burnt out from other things and i do not want to wake up tomorrow
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doing the get through the day without crying challenge
#i have a really bad headache on top of how bad i slept and i’m so fucking burnt out dude i’m tired of being at work#really just tired of existing and would like to stop now please
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on quizlet fighting for my life
#i was locked in for the past three weeks but somehow the week before exams i feel burnt out and tired as fuck even though i’m supposed to#be beating my books the most this week i’m so mad#i wasted time this morning so now i gotta pull an all nighter lmaoooo wish me luck yall#j.txt
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I need to kiss Juno steel :(
#kit talks#might delete later#I’m feeling silly rn I wanna just crash so fucking bad#like I’m out of my mind rn I need to sleep but also I have homework to do 😭#And I need to review my whole script and annotate again bc next thursday is our first performance and I’m TIRED#like my plans got massed up a bit today and I just started sobbing because it was the last straw#but then I got dinner with friends and they love me v much so it’s okay#I haven’t been making a lot of art and when I want to I’m so burnt out I can’t do anything for another week#anyways I think kissing Juno Steel would fix me a little bit
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