#I’m planning for next week and the stuff to work out in the meantime

[riikasgarbagepile]

Guys i love dnd

It’s so fun

[penkura]

where you belong [2/10]

Summary: As Luffy's big sister, you've viewed it to be your job to see him become King of the Pirates in place of your absent parents, even as you try to find where it is you belong in the world. You never really expected to draw the attention of Trafalgar Law in the process.

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x Fem!reader

Warnings: Discussion of feelings of abandonment, age gap relationship (four years), brief secret relationship, mentions and heavy refences to sex, mentions of alcohol, typical One Piece stuff. Other warnings to be added if needed.

Note: Sorry this has taken so long! I wanted to really progress these two and get some moments between them, so the chapter ended up bigger than planned! Next one is a good one I think. ;) Forgot to mention last time but Reader is going to be described as shorter than Law, and that height difference can be your own interpretation (I'm 5ft tall, these men would tower over me).

I am also FLOORED at how well received the first chapter was and that we've got a taglist for this series, my gosh. You guys are so sweet and wonderful!! If I missed you on the taglist PLEASE let me know and I will add you to the future chapters! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and the beginning of Law and Reader falling for each other!

Taglist:

@pinksaiyans | @sukunas-play-thing | @spiderlily-w1tch-blog | @mineymak | @valen-yamyam16 | @shimmerxc | @luffy0s | @fluffybunnyu | @laws-wife-things | @crmnic

[Ch. 1]

You spend the next week learning more about the Polar Tang and the Heart Pirates themselves, Law taking most of your time to help you get used to things. He's made sure you understand the basic rules of the ship, for his crew, including the boiler suits, and what do in case of certain emergencies. You’re going to be working on your poisons in his office, in case anything happens, he can help you fix it. You’re honestly grateful for the time everyone has taken to help you get your bearings straight and work out where things are. You’ll be sharing a room with Ikkaku, who is so glad to have another girl aboard for as long as you are. She’s already started sharing some gossip with you, pointing out those involved so you knew who was who on top of it all.

Penguin has been extremely kind and helpful, telling you that you’re welcome to join him for night watches once you tell him you spend a lot of time writing during your shifts on the Sunny.

Shachi and Uni both showed you around some of the major maintenance areas, both promising they’d help you learn the most basic things so you can be of help if needed.

You’re about to join Bepo for a quick navigation lesson before their captain calls you, wanting to discuss somethings with you before you got too far away.

Law, although he agreed to letting you stay with him and his crew, still isn’t entirely sure what to do with you. There’s still that strange feeling in his chest when you smile at him, as you thank him for all his help and allowing you to stay, once he brings you to his office again a few days later, and he waves you off.

“You don’t have to thank me constantly.”

“I know,” you smile again and he feels that feeling that’s been hanging around, but Law tries to ignore it, “I’m just…really grateful. I know my being here may be a burden—”

“Not a burden, you’re welcome here. Everyone’s glad you’re staying around for now.”

Hearing that makes you brighten up, as Law starts to question you more about what you do for the Straw Hats, and what you can bring to his crew in the meantime. You list off everything you’ve come to learn about being at sea from being a Straw Hat, Law making mental notes on other things to ask about later.

“Any other special talents we should know about?”

You start to think, pressing a finger to your chin while you do so. Another action Law has to tell himself isn’t cute, before you grin and lean in close to him, quietly speaking.

“I can see the dead.”

Complete silence as Law raises an eyebrow at you as you continue to grin, halfway expecting him to ask for proof. Ask you to tell him about a spirit that might be hanging around the Polar Tang, or around one his crewmembers, but he doesn’t ask anything, eventually returning to a straight face.

“No you can’t.”

“…okay fine, I can’t. It’d be cool though!”

He rolls his eyes, which makes you laugh in return. Law goes to let you out of his office which you oblige by, knowing he’s done talking with you now that you’ve made your joke. He stops you with a hand on your shoulder first, you giving him a questioning look.

“I’ll help you make antidotes for your poisons. But you won’t use my crew as test subjects.”

“Ha! That’s fine, I don’t test on people anyway, just in case. Just give me some fish and I can use those.”

Giving him another grin, you walk ahead saying Bepo was going to show you something next, but Law had rudely interrupted by wanting to know what you could bring to his crew for the next two years. You’ll promise later to make extra batches of antidote for him to keep in his medicine stockpile, while Law watches you hurry down the hall and sighs.

“That’s the wrong way.”

He’s quick to follow you, grabbing your arm and bringing you back the right way, deciding he’ll join you and Bepo for whatever it was you two were discussing next. He wants to ensure you’re being given correct information and know what to do in an emergency, especially so if you need medical attention.

Atta boy, Law.

If you really could see the dead, you’d have noticed the tall, blond man with makeup and a large, black feathered coat pushing Law towards you.

+!+

“We’re approaching a winter island, everyone needs to be ready to disembark for a bit and—”

“A winter island?!”

Your outburst causes Law to stop speaking with a nod at you, and you’re gone to the crew bunks in an instant, followed by Bepo who is just as excited. Law gives a look to Ikkaku and Uni, who you’d been talking to when he came in, and both simply shrug at him. They all briefly noticed a sparkle in your eyes as you ran off, likely to change clothes and get ready to disembark, but none of them knew your intent or real interest in the snow.

It's only when Law catches you by the exit door with Bepo, excitedly talking with the Polar bear mink about what you could do in the snow, all dressed up in your coat, thick pants, boots and gloves. You and Bepo trade ideas back and forth about what to build out of the snow, or if you can get a snowball fight started.

Law hasn’t seen someone so excited for snow in a long time, he thinks not since the last winter with Lami.

Penguin joins you and Bepo by the door next, throwing an arm around your shoulders and giving you a smile.

“What’re you so excited about some snow for?”

“It practically never snows in my home town! I think it snowed maybe twice while Luffy and I lived there? Chopper is from a winter island, so when we were there, it was so exciting!”

“Haha, I’m from the North Blue, so snow is pretty normal up there. Well…the area me and Shachi are from anyway.”

“Ah,” you give a little sigh but smile yourself, “I’m so jealous. What about Trafalgar?”

“That’s…well, kind of different, but we did meet him where we used to live,” looking over his shoulder, Penguin sees Law but leans into whisper, “Probably better if you ask him another time. It’s…a lot…”

Before you have a chance to question it, Law comes up behind Penguin and tells him to go ahead with opening the door, the Polar Tang should be stable enough for you all to leave now. You put that question into the back of your mind for later, instead running out with Bepo as soon as the door opens. The excitement both of you have is almost contagious, as the rest of the Heart Pirates slowly join you outside. While some of them are tasked with scoping out the island, the rest end up with you and Bepo building snowmen for a while, though you and the mink end up making a snow polar bear the best you can even if it looks a little goofy in the end. Some pieces are a little larger than others but you still think it’s cute, even as your companion bows his head apologetically.

“I’m sorry, [Y/N], I made some things a little too big.”

“No, that’s okay, Bepo! It gives it charm, I think he’s cute!”

You reassure Bepo a few times with a smile, before the two of you go to work with others on more snow sculptures. It goes well until you get hit in the face with a snowball, thrown by Hakugan at Shachi who dodged just in time. While it makes you sneeze a bit as you brush the snow off your face, with Bepo and Ikkaku yelling at Hakugan while he shouts apologies and Shachi nearly cackles, it doesn’t upset you at all really. Yeah it kind of hurt to have a snowball hit you in the face, but hey, you mentioned a snowball fight earlier, right?

Crouching down to gather up some snow, you put on a wicked grin and fling the ball at Hakugan yourself, catching him in the back as he turns away while you laugh.

“How about a warning next time?!”

“Yeah, snowball fight!!”

Most everyone joins in, gathering up all the snowballs they could or just throwing loose snow at each other, Law watches from the side, a slight smile on his face. He’s glad everyone can take a bit to relax and enjoy themselves, he’s not sure he’s seen his crew this excited about snow in a long time, even Shachi who grew up in the North Blue. Some of you group up to get an advantage over others, Law turns to ignoring the snowball fight as Penguin and Uni come back with what they found on the island.

All is well until Law is hit in the back of the head with a snowball, keeping himself upright but turning quickly to search through everyone and find who did it as you all quiet down seeing his glare. Not a single person looks him in the eye, but they all point to you, while you cover your mouth with your hand and try to stifle your laughter.

“S-Sorry, Trafalgar,” a giggle escapes you as you glance over to him, “I… I was… hehe… aiming for Penguin… honest!”

“Oh yeah…?” Law’s voice is low, he crouches down to scoop up some snow, locking eyes with you as yours widen and you turn to run, but realize it’s futile when Law uses his Shambles to catch up and grab you, shoving the snow he’d gathered into your coat and making you screech before everyone returns to the snowball fight.

“That’s cruel!!”

“Everyone get Captain, he’s cheating!’

While the rest of the Heart Pirates aim for Law, you and their captain are honed in on each other, trading blows from snowballs for the longest time, your personal goal to knock his hat off as payback for shoving snow down your back. Luckily you’re not the one to hit him hard enough to knock the spotted hat off, but you’re close enough to grab before he does, sticking it on your own head and playing keep away once Law realizes where it’s at.

“Looks good on me, huh, Trafalgar?! I might keep it!”

“The hell you will, that’s mine!”

Once Law catches you, he doesn’t let go until he’s snatched his hat back off your head and returned it to its rightful place, keeping a grip on your arm as he notices the sky starting to get darker. The rest of the crew has settled down, stopping at first to watch you and Law until a new snowfall began.

You forget for a few minutes that Law has a hold of your arm, it’s not uncomfortable, but you feel your heart pick up a bit from it.

“It’s pretty….the snowfall.”

He nods, finally noticing he still has a hold of you and letting go, disappointment flooding you as Law calls for everyone to return to the ship. Tomorrow will be a day in town to restock, you’ll all take off again afterwards.

You volunteer at dinner to make everyone the lavender milk tea that Makino once taught you, most of the crew enjoying it, but you’re especially surprised by Law liking it, even telling you so.

It's the small smile he gives when you thank him that makes you realize you just might be starting to get a crush on him.

+!+

Law knows something is up when you don’t join the rest of the Heart Pirates for a meeting before being let off the ship. He still does his job as captain, giving out duties to everyone so they knew what to do and who would be stocking supplies, who would be checking for wanted posters, and anything he felt needed to be done this time. He’d planned for you to join him on a once around the island to look for anything of interest, but when you don’t show up, he knows something must be wrong.

“Ikkaku-ya,” Law stops your roommate before she gets too far, Ikkaku giving him her full attention, “Where’s [Y/N]-ya?”

“Oh, um…” Ikkaku shuffles from one foot to the next, not fully looking at her captain and that’s what worries him more, until she speaks again, “She isn’t feeling well…she’s not sick so she doesn’t need a check-up but, it might be best to leave her alone today, probably tomorrow too…”

That leads to Law believing your cycle had started, and he chooses not to question it further, lest he or Ikkaku feel embarrassed about the discussion. He decides to leave you be, you’ll probably join them tomorrow for island exploring, most likely with Penguin if he asks you especially. When you do show up for dinner that evening, you’re quieter than usual and Law notices how Penguin and Ikkaku are the ones to talk with you. He can’t hear anything they say, but seeing you at least smile and respond to them is enough for him to think that everything is fine, you’re just not feeling 100% and that makes sense. He’s heard you and Ikkaku complain about cramps and the like the last few months, he already knows the first day is hard for you, so he lets it go. At least you’re out and talking to everyone.

But he knows something is up the next time it happens, not even two weeks later, and it can’t be blamed on your period this time. You don’t show up to a crew meeting, you still aren’t one of his crewmates but you’ve been joining for anything interesting or important, and Law doesn’t let it show that he's a little more worried, so he stops Penguin this time and asks him the same thing, where are you and why didn’t you show up?

Penguin doesn’t fully look at Law, scratching the back of his head as he tries to find the words.

“She…just isn’t up for it today, Cap. Maybe we should let her have the day off…”

Although Law tells Penguin that’s fine, he does go off to find you, the door to your and Ikkaku’s room barely open, but he knocks to make sure you’re not indecent or anything. There’s no answer so he opens the door, not seeing you anywhere, the new assumption being that you’re in the bathroom. He turns his attention there, again knocking on the door.

“[Y/N]-ya, Penguin-ya said you weren’t felling well, are you all right?”

No response, Law furrows his brow and knocks again, saying your name a little louder this time. He swears he hears a small whimper and a sob, and that’s what makes him finally open the bathroom door, simply saying he’s coming in before doing so, but he nearly freezes when he sees you.

Nearly curled up into a ball in the corner, head buried in your arms wrapped around your knees with numerous used tissues and he just knows that if you looked up at him, he’d feel that strange feeling in his chest again, or one of heartbreak, he isn’t entirely sure which one.

Law is not trying to scare you, but when he touches your hand and says your name a third time, it makes you jump and look up at him with wide, tear filled eyes, you feel beyond embarrassed that he’s caught you like this, but it quickly turns to more tears and a bit of anger.

“Are you—”

“Get out! Go away!!” Law barely dodges the box of tissues when you throw it at him, he’s not able to dodge the mascara you toss at his head as you keep yelling at him to leave. He doesn’t really move to leave until you stand up much too quickly and start pushing him out, he’s just surprised at your reaction to him finding you crying. “Leave me alone!!”

Once he’s out the door you almost slam it shut in his face and lock it, Law doesn’t know what to make of this really.

He can handle physical ailments, mental is a little harder for him but he’s working on it for his crew, yet emotional problems are not in his wheel house at all. He doesn’t really know why you’re locked in the bathroom, hiding in a corner crying, but that look on your face gave him an idea. He recognizes it from his own past, after his family and Flevance, then again after Corazon.

It was pure grief that was written on your face, definitely from your still fresh loss of Ace, and Law isn’t sure how to help you.

He doesn’t know if he should help you, you just might turn all your grief inward and ignore any hands held out for help, even from your new friends let alone him.

“Captain? Why are you…oh.”

Ikkaku finds Law still in your room several minutes later, staring at your bathroom door, until he hears her and looks at her, an expression she can’t read on his face.

“How long?”

“A few weeks now,” she sits on the edge of her bed, not looking at Law now, “It happens randomly it seems like, or something reminds her of Ace and sets her off. His birthday is soon, so that might be it right now. Penguin and I promised we wouldn’t let anyone know, so she could grieve alone.”

“Why was it being kept a secret?”

She shrugs a bit, Law isn’t sure he’s going to get many more answers today, but then Ikkaku speaks up again.

“She doesn’t want to burden anyone with her feelings, I guess. She should be fine by dinner, Captain, she just… needs some time.”

While she is correct, and you show up again at dinner looking normal but still with a sadness on your face that he can see, Law wonders if there’s something he can do to help you. Your need to grieve and have that time alone isn’t a bad thing, he won’t deny you that when you need it, but he wants to do something for you, he still doesn’t know you well enough to know that exactly you need, but anything is better than letting you be alone.

He knows all too well how that feels.

When it happens a third time, several weeks later, you don’t show up once again, Law doesn’t even need to look at Penguin or Ikkaku, they won’t meet his eyes anyway. After he lets everyone else go, his next mission is to find you, even though he knows exactly where you are. Law isn’t sure if his plan is going to work, but he wants you to stop hiding away from everyone when you break down. It’s not because he’s angry about it, he just doesn’t want you to continue suffering alone. It’s not good for anyone to do that.

He doesn’t even knock when he gets to your room, but does so when he sees your bathroom door is closed like the last time.

“[Y/N]-ya, I’m coming in.”

“No,” you force back a sob, making sure the door is locked, “Go away!”

“I won’t.”

You haven’t experienced all the abilities Law has at his disposal, but you aren’t that surprised when you see a blue hue, and he’s in the bathroom with you not even a moment later. He’s not phased by you attempting to throw things at him again, even while you yell at him to leave you alone, you don’t need help, you don’t need anyone right now.

You’ve handled things like this by yourself your whole life, why would need help now?

“I don’t need help!”

“I’m not trying to help.”

“Then lea—”

Law doesn’t give you much more room to talk, instead grabbing your wrist and pulling you into a hug, pressing your face into his chest which causes your eyes to widen a bit and tears to flow even more.

“I’m not trying to help,” Law holds you tightly, feeling a just a bit of relief as you slowly wrap your arms around him in return while you return to crying, “but you don’t have to be alone, all right?”

“T-Trafalgar…I…I just—”

“I know, I get it. But,” he knows it’s probably going to sound hypocritical based on his own issues, but Law still feels the need to say it again, “you don’t have to do this alone.”

Law isn’t entirely sure why he’s chosen to let you cry into him, let you grip onto his shirt like he’s the only thing holding you to the earth while you continue to cry and say how it isn’t fair that Ace died, that you lost another brother (he’s going to have to ask about that later, that’s the second time you’ve mentioned it). Maybe it’s because he didn’t have anyone back then, when he lost his own loved ones. It might be that, because he saw a reflection of himself in you the first time he found you hiding away and struggling to handle your grief. While you drag the two of you to the floor, Law simply adjusts to as comfortable a position he can, he’s at least sure you’ll both be there a while. You don’t show any signs of calming any time soon.

Law doesn’t know why he came after you, but once your cries fade to nothing, not even whimpers, he’s relieved to hear you speaking to him without being upset or between sobs of anger and sadness.

“I’m sorry…for crying all over your shirt again…”

“Don’t be. It’ll wash.”

Law strokes your hair a bit while you finally smile, nodding, before he helps you up off the floor. While you wash your face, Law directs you to not worry about helping anyone out with chores or sharing shifts today, he’s already split everything up among his crew, you’re under strict orders from the doctor to rest and recover from your breakdown. He does offer to bring you something to eat and drink, which you take him up on, stopping him before he fully leaves your room.

“Thank you…Law, I appreciate this…”

He’s completely aware that’s the first time you’ve used his first name, and he notices a different feeling in his chest. It’s not the same, almost heart squeeze he’s felt before, but something more comforting. Warm almost, and he’s starting to get it more.

“You’re welcome, [Y/N]-ya.”

Ah, that’s what it is…

Law realizes he’s starting to have feelings for you, though he decides to push them down for now.

He’s not going to use your weakened emotional state to push himself further into your life, not when he doesn’t even know if he’s okay with these feelings or not. For now, he’s going to do what he said and bring you some lunch, he’ll deal with these feelings later.

It is nice to hear you call him by his given name though.

+!+

“You’re as reckless as your brother.”

You giggle a bit while Law continues to wrap bandages around your arm, shooting you a small glare while you laugh. He’s not amused, mostly because it was him you’d tried to protect and ended up getting hurt over. You shoved him out of the way of an enemy attack, receiving a deep slice across your own arm instead. Once he realized what happened, Law was furious with you, even though he knows you aren’t part of his crew, it didn’t change the fact he was trying to protect you for Luffy while your crew was apart. You were lucky, he’d told you after he forced you to the infirmary, that your attacker’s weapon didn’t have any poison on it. You’d probably be dead before he even got you there if it had been.

You just grinned and said it was the opposite, your attacker was lucky your knife didn’t have poison on it, or he’d be in worse shape than he already was from your perfect aim hitting him between the shoulders. It doesn’t cause Law any relief to hear that, he still glares and it makes you start to shrink away, averting your gaze elsewhere.

You two still don’t know each other very well, it’s only been a few months since Luffy tossed you to him as the Heart Pirates left Amazon Lily. Still, you’ve found Law is fiercely protective of his crew, his family, just as you are with the Straw Hats, and while you’re with them, you count as one of his crewmembers.

The feelings you’ve started to develop for him don’t help much, Ikkaku being the only one who knows since you’ve told her how distraught you feel over it.

How could you start falling for a rival pirate captain? It’s only a crush but it makes you feel like you’re betraying your crew sometimes.

“Law, I’m fi—”

“And what if you weren’t?” He’s nearly grinding his teeth and ties off your bandage a little tighter than he intended, making you take a sharp breath. “What would you want me to tell your brother?”

You shrug, starting to play with the end of the bandages to distract yourself from him. “Could just tell him I protected you.”

“I don’t need you to protect me,” you jump when Law slams down the scissors on the metal plate, keeping his back to you so you don’t see how upset he really is, “My crew knows I don’t need it. They know to run if a battle might cost them their lives. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because I do this for my crewmates, too. I’ve even pushed Zoro and Sanji out of the way. I’m sorry if you don’t like it but—”

“Sorry wouldn’t bring you back from the dead.”

You both become silent, you taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment before nodding and biting your lip.

“You’re right…that’s why Ace isn’t back.”

“Hey, I didn’t—”

“Thanks for bandaging me up, Trafalgar,” Law turns around just as you jump off the table, going to leave, “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Law watches you leave, letting out a frustrated sigh once you’re gone. He really hadn’t meant to upset you, it just came out, but it was also the truth. What good was ‘sorry’ if you had died and he had to tell Luffy that he'd lost another sibling, this time a blood related one? He didn’t want to have to deal with that, not when you and Luffy were still getting over Ace’s death.

He gets it, he really does, that pain doesn’t go away quickly, no matter how many false smiles you give to him or the others, or how often you laugh with them. No matter how many times he finds you crying the bathroom over you grief. It hasn’t been that long, he doesn’t expect you to be whatever is normal for you so soon. He probably shouldn’t be berating you, you’re not part of his crew so he doesn’t have the right, Law isn’t your captain.

But, you’re under his care for two years, you’re a temporary member of his crew, so you should listen to him. You’re proving to be as stubborn as Luffy is, but also just as protective as Law is.

And your progress with him, ugh. You’d finally gotten comfortable enough to call him by his first name, and now you’re back to calling him Trafalgar instead. Seven months of progress down the drain all because he was concerned, worried about you being reckless.

…why am I so worried though?

He could easily chalk it up to the fact you’re Luffy’s sister and he’s trying to protect you until you’re back with your crew, or he could even say its because of the feelings he’s developed for you, but Law doesn’t want to get into that right now.

Neither of you speak until dinner, when you run into each other right outside the kitchen and start a back and forth about who should go in first.

“You’re the captain, sir.”

“Ladies first, miss.”

You don’t like being formal, or hearing him call you ‘miss’, but you don’t want to fight about it. Not when his crew can hear and might be concerned about it.

“Crew shouldn’t eat without their captain there.”

“We don’t have that rule around here.”

Eventually you relent and go first, getting your food and taking the first free seat by Ikkaku, Law sitting beside you a moment later. You don’t talk to each other the whole time, you focus on your conversation with Ikkaku while Law responds to anyone speaking to him. You barely even notice when Law takes the roll he really didn’t want to have on his plate, and moves it to yours, almost like a peace offering that you two are okay, he’s not mad at you for trying to protect him anymore. You do give him a smile when you notice, which he returns with a nod before leaving for his room.

You sigh a bit, looking back to your plate and keeping your smile to yourself.

Things will be okay.

+!+

Over the last nearly ten months, Law has learned a few of your quirks. When you work on your poisons, you mark things three times over to ensure you have the correct amounts listed, you almost always strike up conversation with him about anything that comes to mind, even if Law doesn’t answer you.

Sometimes he’s caught you biting your pencil or pen while making notes, it’s one of your cuter quirks.

On nights you can’t sleep, like tonight, he can easily find you in the kitchen, brewing up some tea to help you fall asleep, and that’s where Law decides he has to talk to you. You’ve both moved past your argument from a few months ago, it’s like it never happened now, but he feels the need to speak with you about something important.

No, not his feelings, he’s going to ignore those as long as possible. He recognized them after you’d had an emotional breakdown, he’s not going to admit that especially, he doesn’t want you to think he has a kink for crying or something, absolutely not.

“Hey.”

“Oh, hey, Law,” you look over your shoulder for a second with a smile, turning back to your tea, “Couldn’t sleep, though some tea might help.”

“Your usual then?”

Nodding, as you finish off your tea making, Law sits at the table and waits for you to join him, knowing you’ve made him a cup of lavender milk tea too. You’d started doing that and either taking it to his office before you head to bed or having him join you in the kitchen where you have small conversations before you both turn in for the night.

You’ve gotten quite comfortable with Law, your own feelings for him aside. He’s been helpful with your poison and antidote creations, ensuring your ratios are correct and helping you when they aren’t. You’ve started discussing books you’ve both read, you were shocked to find he enjoyed the Sora Warrior of the Sea comics. His being such a nerd over them never struck you as odd thankfully, Law even letting you borrow a few of his copies so you can give it a try yourself.

He makes you feel safe and comfortable, you really enjoy being with Law.

Law thanks you when you hand over the mug of tea, taking your seat across from him to enjoy your own, settling into a welcomed silence. With how rowdy his crew can be at times, you get why Law hides himself away in his office most of the time, and you’re grateful that he lets you share the space when needed.

“I know you said I didn’t have to,” Law looks over to you as you speak, an eyebrow raised, “but thank you again, for letting me stay. I really appreciate the help you’ve given me.”

“Like I’ve said, its no problem. Everyone’s glad you’re here.”

I’m more than glad you’re here.

There’s a soft smile on your face that Law enjoys seeing, and he honestly hopes you won’t lose it after he talks to you.

“I wanted…to tell you something.”

“Go for it,” setting your mug down on the table, you rest your elbows there with your chin in your hands, “I’m all ears, Law.”

He's almost fighting himself on if he should or shouldn’t, maybe another time. It’s late after all, you probably want to go to bed now that you’ve had your tea. It’s making him sleepy too, but the anxiety he feels is almost nullifying the tea’s effects.

Taking a deep breath, Law finally speaks up again, not meeting your eye.

“I want to tell you about my past,” that makes you perk up, remembering what Penguin had said to you months ago, “But I don’t think I can tonight. It’s…”

“A lot…?”

He nods, which you return, realizing this must be more than what Penguin could’ve meant, it has to be hard for Law to dredge up whatever memories he has of his childhood and teenage years, of everything that led him to where he is now.

Everything that’s leading him down the path he’s chosen.

“So,” when he finally looks up at you, you’re not surprised at how tired Law looks, it has to be taking a lot for him to do this, “I want to set a time in a few days, where you and I can sit, and I can tell you everything. “

You need to know before I could ever tell you my feelings anyway.

“Law,” Nodding, you quietly reach out your hand to his, not wanting to scare him off, “Just tell me whenever, and I’ll make myself available to listen, okay?”

After he agrees, Law offers to walk you back to your shared room with Ikkaku, which you take him up on even though you know the way. The Polar Tang is only so big, but it’s nice to have him by your side. Once you reach your door, Law turns to leave and you stop him, grabbing his shirt sleeve and leaning up, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, his eyes widening just a hair.

“Thanks for walking me…and trusting me, Law. See you in the morning.”

You don’t give him a chance to say anything in response before you enter your room and close the door, sighing heavily as you bring yourself to the floor, Ikkaku watching you from her bed.

“Man, you’ve got it bad for the captain, huh?”

“…it’s that obvious?”

“As obvious as the fact he’s the same for you, girlfriend.”

While you don’t believe Ikkaku is correct in that statement, Law isn’t able to bring himself to move for several minutes, frozen in shock that you decided to kiss his cheek and just run off to bed.

It looks like you’ve got more to talk about than just his past now.

[godilovetakayamariki]

Happy Anniversary ◯ ♱ ۫ 🪽𝄞 ❀ 𓂂 ࣪ ა ₊

Pairing Jay x (Fem) Reader

Genre non- idol au, smut

Synopsis: You’ve never been the dominant type in you and Jays relationship, but tonight that would change when you want to surprise him for your anniversary…

Warnings: Oral, Fingering, name calling (good girl, slut, daddy, etc), face sitting, squirting, car sex, public sex

Word count: 2,781K

Authors note: For all my Jay Stans 👹 I’m making my way through all of enha so if you have anyone in particular you want me to do next lmk!! Thank you so much for reading my stuff it makes me so happy 🖤🥲

Today started out as any normal day at your job and Jay was working in the office per usual. As you’re researching something for a project at work when your phone suddenly chimes, you look over to see that its a message form your Boyfriend, Jay. The message read…

Jay: Be ready by 6:15, we’ve got dinner plans beautiful girl.

You smile at your phone cheeks getting red at the message. He did this often knowing it was your love language. You continue your work now excited for your work day to end so you could get all dressed up for your boyfriend. Today was your 4 year anniversary, so you knew he had something really nice planned. Typical of him to do so, he has always been the romantic type knowing just the way to get your heart racing with a look from his soft smoldering eyes.

Luckily for you your work day wrapped up rather quickly especially considering how for the rest of your shift you were daydreaming about how your evening with jay was gonna go, and boy had you mustered up something special for him in the meantime. You quickly rushed home trying your best to beat the 5 o’clock traffic so you could have as much time as possible to get ready.

you shower, and doll yourself all up for jay curling your hair and smudging your eyeliner just the way he loved. Your hand shakes slightly as you put on your deep red lipstick too entranced in your thoughts about what you had planned to stay still. You do your best to shake the feeling as you go to get dressed into the little black dress that you had bought about a week prior for this occasion specifically. Zipping it up you get goosebumps at the thought of how jay has once traced this pattern on your back to discard of a little dress like this.

Before you know it, time flies and its time, you hear a honk coming from outside you and jays shared apartment complex, knowing it was him 6:15 on the dot not a minute early or late. Your skin textured with bumps thinking about how to execute this plan successfully and not be awkward about it. You rush out of the apartment grabbing your purse on the way out. As you walk out of the complex doors you see Jay standing in front of your passenger seat door hands placed in his pockets. When he spots you exiting the complex doors he stands up straight from leaning on the car door. His eyes wide, a smile slowly stretches across his face.

Fuck. He is wearing that silk black button up that highlights his body line like no body’s business. This has your knees slightly wanting to buckle as you approach him. Jay takes you by the hand using it to spin you around for a 360. His free hand giving your bottom an encouraging tap as he playfully whistles at you. “You never fail to amaze me beautiful” he pulls you into his chest, a waft of his familiar woodsy scent filling your nose as he kisses your forehead.

On the road jay rests his hand on your upper thigh without fail of course, its his favorite thing about your body. This would come into great play to know for later.. his veiny tan skin is a contrast to pale elegance of yours. It almost felt sinful to look at sometimes. The cool metal of his silver rings leaving indents in your flesh as he gripped your thigh at each light you caught, him glancing over to send you a little smirk or bring your hand up to his lips to kiss it. This had your core gripping around nothing, he surely knows what he’s doing to you right?

You glance over at your stunning boyfriend analyzing his little details, his gelled hair, his dangly silver earrings, the subtle five o clock shadow peaking in, the little bit of skin is showing from the first 2 buttons he has undone, the Gucci belt locked around his hips it was all too much to handle. Jay was a simple sexy man. He was your man.

You arrive at the restaurant, you’re staring at Jays veiny tan hands as he grips the gear shift, shifting the car into park. You’re pussy dripping at the thought of his hands tracing your body like that. Jay calls to you snapping you out of your daze. In his deep raspy voice he asks if you’re ready to go inside. You shake your head as though shaking off the thoughts and reply with a confident yes.

Jay exits his side of the car coming over to yours to open your door for you, extending his hand out to grab yours, helping you out of the passenger seat. You take his arm, wrapping your hand around his thick bicep, he walks you both into the restaurant, keeping you on his arm the entire time. When you enter the host takes you to the most romantic table you have ever seen in your life. Rose petals strone across the table, a bottle of your favorite wine placed in the center and chairs placed right next to eachother instead of across. Jay knew you loved sitting next to him instead of in front of him.

Jay walks over to the table pulling your chair out for you, his hand gestures for you to take a seat, once you’re sat in your chair he places a white napkin across your lap, then pushing your chair in, following suit he sits in his chair. As soon as he slides his chair closer to the table his hand is immediately back on your thigh. It was at this moment you new your boyfriend was on the same wavelength as you tonight.

you order an appetizer and that gives you and jay some privacy from the waiter for a while, his attention is immediately on you. He’s leaned back in his chair, not in an ill mannered way but rather just comfortably resting but god does he look incredibly sexy doing it. He brushes a hand through his dark locks as he gazes over at you, simultaneously raises his place on your thigh but not higher, more inner. His pinky grazing your clothed core shamelessly. A sultry smile appearing on his lips when he realizes just how wet you are already.

however he doesn’t address it up front,he doesn’t have to because you can read the look right off his sexy ass face. “ you look so beautiful..as always.” He coos tucking some hair out of your face with his free hand. “ I’m so lucky to have such a stunning woman inside and out love me.You are my entire world sweet girl, happy anniversary.” He closes the space between your faces using that same hand to cup the back of your neck to kiss your lips quickly. The only reason he doesn’t linger this kiss being the fact that he’s reaching into his pocket to bring out a cute little box wrapped in a red ribbon.

The shock on your face is apparent as he pulls out the little box. Your mouth falling open as a reaction. You reach out to take the box with both hands, tears welling in the corners of your eyes. You untie the ribbon softly, pulling the longer string allowing the bow to fall into your lap softly. Jay is leaning back in his chair his face riddled with anticipation as he watches you open the box. You lock your fingers under the lid of the box prying it open softly, anticipating what’s inside. As the lid slowly reveals what’s inside your heart rate rises higher and higher as you see more of the pendant peeking from behind the box’s lid. Once the lid is fully off your eyes widen as your eyes are graced with the most beautiful necklace you had ever seen in your life.

“Jay, this is Beautiful, you really didn’t have to” You say to him tears peaking out of the corners of your eyes. Jay reaches his hand over to caress your face softly. “Of course i did my love, you deserve this and more” a smile painted across your face as you hold the pendant in your hand admiring the beauty of it. “Would you put it on for me?” You hand Jay the necklace and begin to lift your hair so his hands can snake around your neck easier. The cold metal of the chain giving you slight goosebumps that is until jays hands graze your neck, he is so gentle his fingers tickle your neck as he claps the necklace. When he sees the beautiful pendant draped around your neck he runs his hands down your back resting them at your waist, “It looks stunning on you darling” his mouth right next to your ear as the words hit your ear drum, you feel his plump pillowy lips make contact with the back of your neck, making you clasp your hands together tightly in your lap. He knew exactly what he was doing and knew exactly what it was doing to you. Just as your breathing steadies the waiter arrives at the table to ask for your orders.

As you’re waiting on your meals, Jay pours wine in your glass, your favorite that he specifically requested to be had at the table. “Here you are princess” pouring the wine with two hands, you look at him admiring his sharp beautiful features. Your top teeth catch your bottom lip as you stare at Jays hands, thinking sinful thoughts just wanting to eat and get him alone but you push through. You’re snapped back into reality when Jay asks you if you’re going to drink your wine or just stare at it.” He lets out a little giggle swirling his wine in his glass taking a sip. You giggle back at him raising your glass to your lips letting the tart red wine stain your lips.

The meal has finally arrived to you and Jay, you both enjoy your meal and chit chat through it. Once you’ve finished the waiter brings over the bill and Jay pays. As you get ready to get up to leave Jay pulls your seat out for you making it easier for you to get up. He has always been a gentleman, even 4 years later. He reaches his elbow out for you to take. You grab ahold of his bicep giving it a little squeeze. Preparing yourself for what is about to take place.

You and Jay make it back to the car safely, like the gentleman he is, he opens your door for you waiting until you’re fully in and settled before he closes the door. You twiddle your thumbs waiting for him to get in the drivers seat. Once he gets settled he lets out a happy sigh patting his stomach. “Did you enjoy dinner sweetie?” He asks patting the back of your head sweetly. Your brain is fogged at this point, you’re distracted by him and he’s right here. The thoughts of how you’re going to pull this off clouds your brain, you’re never the type to be dominate and initiate things between you and Jay but you had always wanted to and thought tonight would be perfect. He tits his head looking at you “baby?” He questions softly. You snap you’re head up coming back to reality once again, “sorry baby, yes dinner was delicious thank you so much for dinner, and this” you grab the pendant around your neck smiling softly. Jay smiles at you, “so where do you wanna go now?” You respond very confidently having had this in mind “how about we go to d the park where we had out first date? Maybe watch the stars?” You were absolutely bullshitting, you know that the park has the darkest parking spots near you and no one is ever there. He agrees with you thinking it was also a great idea not having a clue what’s coming.

You and Jay pull up to the park, you direct him to the darkest spot in the lot, he definitely has a clue what’s going down now, from how nervous you’ve been all night to the way you had been distracting yourself. He rests his arm on the steering wheel turning his body to face you, “mmm so this is what you’ve been wanting all night” he thinks you want him to fuck you but that’s not necessarily what you had in mind you’ve had enough and decided to just go for it, no more stalling. You look up at him, your eyes look different than usual they’re lust filled tonight. “Shut up and lean your chair all the way back” you sit on your knees in your chair pushing his chest down as he obeys what you say. He leans the chair all the way back to where it’s basically flat on the backseat. You make your way over, straddling his lap in the driver seat, your dress hiking up your thighs making the bottom of your ass hang out, jays hands find their way to the tender skin ,giving it a squeeze. Your lips find his, his lips as soft as cotton, your tongue fights with his for a taste of eachother, his hands roaming your body, yours entangled in his chocolate brown hair. You pull away from the kiss sitting up from your position, you grab jay by the jaw telling him to open, he follows suit opening his mouth, your saliva leaving your mouth as you spit in his. Leaving him no time to think you shimmy your way up to where your pussy is directly on his mouth, his hands find your hips steadying you and holding you in place, his tongue immediately finds your clothed clit sucking on it gently, his hands pushing your dress further up your body, his hand finds the seam of your panties pulling them to the side, his tongue making contact with your now bare folds, your hands gripping the back headrest for stability, your body jolting at the feeling, your core so sensitive in this position. Jays lips wrap around your bud as he pointer and middle find your entrance, pushing them into you curling them in just the right way to where it hits your g spot, a cry ripping from your throat, your hand placed on the window leaving traces of pleasure. Jay grunts into your pussy, his free hand reaches down, his tan slender fingers finding the buckle of his belt, flipping it open, the button sliding through the fabric the sound of his zipper makes you realize what he’s doing, his zipper slides down, pulling his cock out of the confinement of his pants. His hand gripping the base of his cock tight as his tongue navigates your folds.

Your eyes shut tight as the knot in your stomach burns with greediness. Hes giving you all he can yet you want more, Your voice echoing through the car as you beg for more “Jay more, please daddy” youre on the verge of tears, Jay does not hesitate as his lips wrap around your bud sucking pulling the sensation to one spot, his finger tips prodding at your cervix at this point, curled hitting just the right spot. Hes now bucking his hips into his own hands, the feeling leaving his grunts vibrating against your pussy. The heat from outside mixed with the air from the car leaves the windows foggy the only thing visible is your handprint on the window. The sinful sounds leaving your throat being covered by the music filling your ears. The pit in your stomach burns hotter as Jay speeds up, his fingers pounding into your cunt leaving his fingers soaking wet, his suction on your clit not letting up pulling you to the end. His fingers scrape your cervix one last time before youre squirting all over his fingers and face, he follows suit shooting his seed all up his stomach mixing with your fluids. His tongue lapping up every drop you release as he strokes out every drop of his own.

You plop down on the back seat not having any strength left in your legs, his car seat soaking wet, your breaths heavy, shaky. Jay looks over at you as he licks his lips and wipes the mess you made from his face “Good Girl” you look back at him with a heavy smirk. “Happy Anniversary”

[ginnsbaker]

fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (14/?)

Part Summary: Leigh reconciles with Jules and then receives news from Danny that could potentially disrupt her new beginning with you.

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.200+ | Warnings: Spicy phone call | Author's note: The date will happen in the next one, and then after that, 1-2 chapters to wrap up this series :)

Masterlist | Part I Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII

-

The date doesn't happen as quickly as Leigh expected. You don’t bring it up again for several days after your grand, against-all-odds declaration of love.

In the meantime, you text constantly. Sometimes you call, just to ask about her day. The first time, she’s so confused, waiting for the real reason behind your call. But there isn’t one—you simply wanted to talk, and texting wouldn’t do it.

She’s rarely on the phone with anyone these days. For her, phone calls are usually reserved for urgent requests from Drew or her mom, or from companies trying to sell her something. The last time she was on the phone just to talk was with Matt, during the stretches when work kept them apart for days. Before that, it was high school, chatting with friends and boyfriends about everything and nothing.

Talking to you on the phone feels like stepping back in time. There’s something intimate about it, something that modern-day texting can’t capture. She finds herself looking forward to your calls, the sound of your voice at the end of a long, tiring, or listless day.

Days stretch into a week before you finally ask her out, armed with the when and where. Leigh will never admit it to anyone, but the wait is excruciating.

The butterflies swarm in her stomach as she lies on her bed, fresh from a shower, in an oversized shirt and boy shorts, biting at her fingernails. She's already restless by the time her phone rings at the usual hour.

She picks up almost immediately, trying to keep her voice as blasé as she can manage. “Hey.”

“Hey, Leigh,” you reply breathily, not realizing how that tone makes Leigh press the phone harder against her ear, as if she wants to hear more of it. “How was your day?”

She rolls onto her back, stretching her hand out and drawing patterns in the air against the ceiling. 

“It was okay. Nothing too exciting. How about yours?” she says.

“Pretty good. Just busy with work stuff. I was thinking about you, though.”

The simple statement sends a new wave of warmth through her. “Is that so?”

“Very much so,” you whisper, and Leigh can almost see your smile, just like the one forming on her lips. “So, uh, I was thinking…”

“Yeah?” Leigh prompts, her heart picking up speed. She hears some shuffling on your end and waits with bated breath.

“Maybe we should finally go on that date,” you suggest,  hopeful and a bit nervous. 

Leigh’s heart leaps, and she tears the phone away from her ear, burying her face into her pillow as a squeal escapes before she can contain it. Catching herself, she quickly schools her expression, tosses the pillow aside, and sits up ramrod straight.

“We should,” Leigh blurts out, still feeling her heart thumping wildly against her ribs. “When were you thinking?”

“How about this Saturday?”

Leigh pauses, mentally counting—one, two, three—before replying, “Great. I’m free then.” 

Wanting to lock in the details, she asks, “What time?”

“Could I, um, have you for the whole day?” you ask hesitantly, and then quickly realizing how it sounded, you clarify, “I mean, could we make it a day-long date? I promise it’ll be worth your while.”

Leigh hums, pretending to mull it over, but inside, she's practically screaming yes.

“What do you have planned?”

“It's a surprise,” you reply, the playful secrecy in your tone drawing a grin from Leigh. 

Unable to contain her intrigue, Leigh tries to coax out some clues. “Anything you need from me? Dress code? Anything I can help you with?”

“No, just be yourself,” you say, your voice dropping to a softer, more intimate cadence. “Wear whatever makes you feel most like you. You're beautiful in anything.”

Leigh feels a warm blush spread across her cheeks. She's grateful you can't see her, can't see how your words reduce her to a pile of mush.

“In anything?” she asks coyly.

“Or nothing,” you whisper back, almost without thinking.

Leigh nearly chokes on her breath at that, biting her lip to stifle a moan that threatens to escape owing to the boldness of your flirtation. She doesn't immediately realize she's drifted into a stunned silence until you apologize, worrying that you might have crossed a line. 

“I'm sorry if that was too forward,” you say.

Leigh shakes herself, trying to clear the haze of memories—the soft moans, the way your body yielded to her touch that night. “No, it’s... I still think about that night,” she shares.

“O-Oh?” you stammer, your grip tightening around the phone. You're driving home with one hand, thinking it would be a short call. Suddenly feeling lightheaded, you quickly pull over to the side of an empty street, realizing you might not make it home safely if you don't.

“What do you... think about, specifically?” you venture, slowly unbuckling your seatbelt.

It’s as if a switch has been flipped in her. Her mind races back to that night—the way you touched yourself under her gaze, how she guided your movements, the feel of her finger inside you while she rode your thigh. 

“Leigh?”

Leigh's breath hitches, and she feels heat spreading through her body. She kicks off the covers, finding herself lying flat on the bed, her fingers inching teasingly at the hem of her shorts. She closes her eyes, letting the memory of that night trickle into the forefront of her mind.

“I think about the way you looked under me,” she says softly, “The flush of your skin, the sounds you made, how your lips felt against mine.”

Her words send a shiver down your spine. “Leigh,” you murmur, “I-I think about that night too. How you took control, how you made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered.”

Leigh's fingers slip beneath the waistband of her shorts, teasing herself as she remembers the feel of your skin against hers. “I remember guiding your hands,” she continues, her voice growing huskier. “Watching you touch yourself, seeing the pleasure in your eyes. It was intoxicating.”

You can hear the desire in her voice, and it sends a surge of arousal through you. “I remember the way you moved against me,” you reply, your voice low. “Your skin was so hot against mine, it felt like I was on fire.”

As Leigh's fingers dip lower, brushing against the wetness between her legs, she gasps. She tries to contain it but fails, letting out a guttural moan—a sound of pure want—right into your ear. The rawness of that sound snaps you out of your lust-filled reverie.

“Fuck, are you... are you touching yourself? I-I'm so—” you start, your voice shaking.

“Don't apologize. Just keep talking. It's okay,” Leigh cuts you off sharply, switches the phone to speaker mode, and swiftly removes her panties. For a brief second, she thinks she probably shouldn't be doing this, not before the date they'd just planned. But the overwhelming urge washes over her, making rational thoughts blur into the background. She can't control herself; she needs to come, needs you to make her come.

“Tell me what you'd do,” she chunters, no longer concerned about sounding needy. “Please.” 

“Shit,” you hiss, quickly connecting your phone to your car’s speakers and then tossing it onto the passenger seat. You then adjust the driver's seat to give yourself more legroom and hurriedly begin to unbutton your jeans. Though you're embarrassed to admit that you've never had phone sex before, you're not about to let inexperience stop you. Not when Leigh was practically purring in your ear, begging for it.

“Y/N?” Leigh’s voice rumbles through the confined space of your car and you hurriedly close your eyes as you formulate a response, your head buzzing with several things you want to do to Leigh at once.

“I'd start by kissing you,” you begin, your voice low and deliberate, though you feel a bit foolish at the tentative start. “Soft, teasing kisses, tracing a path down your body. I'd take my time, Leigh, tasting every inch of your skin.”

“Where would you kiss me first?” Leigh breathes.

“Your neck,” you reply, your fingers brushing against your own skin as if you’re tracing the path your lips would take on hers. “I’d kiss right behind your ears…then down your throat, lingering at your collarbone.”

Leigh’s breathing becomes more ragged, and you can almost feel her anticipation. “And then?”

“Then I’d kiss my way down to your breasts,” you say, your own arousal building. “I’d take each nipple in my mouth, sucking gently, then harder, feeling them harden against my tongue. I’d circle my tongue around them, flicking the tip, just like so.”

Leigh listens, her breaths becoming shallow, her body trembling with need. She closes her eyes, lost in the sensation, in the vividness of your description. She traps a rosy bud between her two fingers, mimicking the rhythm you describe, the tension in her belly coiling more tightly.

Meanwhile, your own hands are busy on your body. Despite the cramped space even with the car seat reclined, you manage to slide two fingers inside your pants, rubbing your clit, while your other hand tweaks your nipple.

A soft moan escapes Leigh’s lips, and you know she’s imagining your mouth on her. “I’d keep moving lower, kissing down your stomach, tracing the lines of your body with my tongue. When I finally reach your thighs, I’d spread them open and kiss the inside, so close to where you want me but not quite there yet.”

“I’d breathe you in,” you murmur, “taking a moment to just enjoy the scent of you. Then I’d lick, just once, a slow, teasing lick from the bottom of your slit to the top, tasting how wet you are for me.”

“Fuck,” Leigh groans wantonly, her fingers undoubtedly mirroring your words on her own skin. You can almost see her hand moving against her clitoris, fingers collecting her own wetness and spreading it all over until her inner thighs are glistening with it.

“I’d part you with my fingers,” you continue, your own breath coming faster now, “and then I’d dive in. I’d lap at you, my tongue moving in slow circles around your clit, feeling it swell under my tongue. I’d drink you in, Leigh, tasting every drop, getting lost in how sweet you are.”

“Don’t stop,” Leigh pants, and you can hear her movements quickening, the unmistakable sound of wetness and skin in frantic motion, as if she's placed her phone near the epicenter of her impending climax.

“I wouldn’t,” you promise. “I’d suck on your clit, gently at first, then harder, using my tongue to drive you crazy. I’d slide a finger inside you, curling it to find that perfect spot, the one that makes you see stars. I’d keep licking and sucking, adding another finger, thrusting them in and out, matching the rhythm of my tongue. I wouldn’t stop until I felt you trembling, until I heard you crying out my name as you came.”

Leigh’s moans grow louder, more desperate, and you can almost see her, writhing on her bed, lost in pleasure. “Y/N, I’m close,” she gasps.

“I’d be looking up at you, watching your face as you c-come for m-me,” you say, your voice faltering as you slide a finger inside yourself. “Fuck, Leigh, baby, come for me.”

It's the endearment and the mental image of your deep brown eyes, brimming with hunger and worship, that sends her spiraling into ecstasy.

“Oh god, Y/N!” Leigh moans, her back curving as an intense orgasm overtakes her.

You’re not there yet, but you close your eyes, letting the image of her climax burn into your mind.

Leigh lies there, basking in the afterglow, her body still trembling with the remnants of her orgasm. She’s about to check in on you, perhaps return the favor, when the front door opens and closes with a bang.

“Mom? Leigh?” Jules yells from the living room.

Panic surges through Leigh. She scrambles to her feet, hurriedly pulling on her underwear and shorts. The phone slips from her grasp, landing on the bed, the line still open.

Leigh reaches the top of the stairs, breathless and flushed, just as Jules appears at the bottom, looking up with a mix of worry and curiosity. 

“What's going on?” Leigh asks, wincing as she feels the stickiness between her thighs. She silently curses, wishing Jules could have shown up after she had a chance to shower.

“Where’s Mom?” Jules demands, her eyes scanning the hallway. “And Logan?”

“She took him with her for a grocery run,” Leigh replies, coming down the stairs. “Is something wrong?”

Jules sighs. “I was just worried. The door was unlocked, and I couldn’t find anyone. Thought something might’ve happened.”

Leigh relaxes a bit, though the adrenaline from moments before still courses through her veins. “It’s fine. I just didn’t realize you’d be coming home tonight,” she says.

“Yeah, about that…” Jules trails off, tilting her head toward the kitchen with a meaningful glance. 

Leigh follows, her bare feet whispering against the wooden floorboards. Striving for nonchalance, she asks, “You hungry?” Her hand hovers over the fridge handle, betraying none of her recent distractions.

Jules stops in her tracks and turns back to Leigh. “I’ve been thinking,” she starts, hesitating slightly. “I’d like to move back in.”

“That’s… great,” Leigh says flatly, unsuspecting of her sister’s announcement. She catches the sharp drop of Jules’ brows and hurries to cushion her words. “I mean, we never actually wanted you to go. You’re welcome back anytime, you know that.”

Jules' eyes sharpen, her lips pulling into a tight line. “But only if we talk first.”

Leigh nods, a hard lump forming in her throat. “Of course,” she says.

-

They end up ordering take-out when Leigh's nose wrinkles at the unmistakable stench wafting from the numerous boxes of leftovers crammed in the fridge. She can't recall how long they've been there, only that their rightful place is now the trash bin.

It's Jules who picks the restaurant, and Leigh bites her tongue over the choice of Vietnamese. The last time they'd ordered from there, Jules had barely picked at her food, pushing noodles around her plate more than eating them. Leigh tries not to think too much about it.

The dining table is overtaken by a clutter of takeout boxes, each one wafting a blend of lemongrass and ginger into the room—a scent so rich you could almost scoop it out of the air. Leigh watches her sister with that look—the one that's all walls and wariness, like she’s guarding the last piece of herself she can’t afford to lose.  Jules, on her part, looks a little restless, her fingers skirting the edges of a white takeout box like it might offer some kind of sanctuary.

“So, talk,” Leigh prompts,  twirling her chopsticks to pick up a fresh vegetable roll and dipping it into peanut sauce.

Jules takes a breath, a deep one. When she meets Leigh’s eyes, it’s with a resolve that seems to pull her upright. “Fine, since I’m the one who kicked this off, I’ll lead. I’m sorry. I know I tossed around some pretty nasty words last time I stormed out, and I meant them—then. But calling you a sociopath? That was me going off the deep end.”

Leigh’s face hardens, a quick, involuntary tightening of her features as she recalls the sting of that last confrontation. She pushes her noodles around her box, the chopsticks clattering softly. Jules waits, the steam from her own untouched meal rising and disappearing into the air.

“I appreciate your apology, Jules, really, I do. But you can't just throw words like that around, whether you mean them or not. Words stick. They fester,” Leigh says, meeting Jules’ gaze squarely. 

Jules looks down, tries to mask the hurt that flickers across her face, biting down on her lip. 

Leigh continues, “When I criticize you, it’s not meant as an attack. I’m not someone who likes to beat around the bush, especially not with family.”

The word ‘family’ hits differently this time—at least for Jules it does. Her heart aches at the mention, dragging up memories of a recent painful conversation where she had confessed to feeling like an outsider in her own family.

“Sometimes it's not about what you say but how you say it,” Jules mutters.

Leigh looks at her expectantly, clueless and curious at the same time.

“Not everyone can handle being talked to so bluntly. Not everyone’s as frank as you, okay? Sometimes it feels more like you're pushing me away instead of trying to help.”

Leigh goes quiet, letting the silence stretch just a bit before she nods. “You’re right,” she concedes, the words slipping out almost thoughtfully. It’s almost surprising, the lack of her usual quick-fire defense. “I think I got so wrapped up in the idea that being honest meant being harsh. I can work on that. I should work on that.”

Jules blinks, taken aback by the calm acceptance in Leigh’s tone, the ease with which she receives the criticism. It’s a side of Leigh she hasn’t seen much of—this reflective, almost gentle version. It's a welcome change, a sign of growth that feels both sudden and deeply necessary. 

“I didn’t expect... I mean, I’m glad you took that the way you did,” Jules says.

Leigh gives a small, almost sheepish smile, a rarity on her usually stoic face. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About how I say things, not just what I say. It’s been... a lot to unpack. But hearing this from you, it really helps. It does.”

She means it. Ever since you’ve stubbornly eased your way into her life, she’s done a lot of thinking. She’s done a lot of grieving too, realizing that if she had seen the changes that needed to be made earlier, things might have been different for her—for Matt. She’s learned to accept that life is always going to be filled with regrets, but she’s grateful now to recognize that she still has the chance to change, even if it came a little too late.

Better late than never, right?

She looks at Jules, her eyes earnest and a little bit haunted. “I’m sorry, Jules, for everything I said, everything I made you feel. I love you. You’re my sister, always. I know I can be too hard on the people who mean the most to me, but I’m going to try, really try, to balance that love, to understand how you need to be loved.”

Jules sits frozen, speechless for the first time. Their confrontations usually spiral into heated exchanges until one of them storms off. She hadn't expected this to be so... civil and mature. 

So unlike them. 

Finally, she manages a small, shaky smile. “Yeah, this... this went way better than I played it out in my head.”

Leigh’s laughter is a quick splash of reprieve, a burst of surprise at how well things have turned.  But it fades as quickly as it bloomed, her smile slipping into a frown as she catches the shadow creeping over Jules’s face. 

“What is it?”

Jules fidgets, nervously twisting a napkin between her fingers. “I... need to ask you something that’s been eating at me for months... well, almost a year now. And I need you to be brutally honest with me, Leigh. Can you promise that?”

Leigh feels a slight tremor of worry, but brushes it off and nods. “You’re scaring me, but sure. I promise.”

“Here we go,” Jules says, taking a deep, faltering breath. “Remember that night? When I was so drunk you had to come and get me? It was the last night Matt was... before he... you know. Do you ever resent me for it? I did such a horrible thing, robbing you of his last moments because I couldn't keep it together—”

“You know I’ve never blamed you for that. Not during our last fight, not when Matt died, just... never, basically,” Leigh says, leaning back on her chair.

“But some part of you must have hated me, because—”

“No—”

“—maybe he needed someone.”

Leigh just shrugs and denies it which only frustrates Jules even more. “No, Leigh,” she tries, “I need you to listen to me. I was very drunk that night—”

“You were really drunk a lot of nights and you’ve done a lot of crappy things,” Leigh states frankly. “But none of them had anything to do with Matt’s death.”

Jules swallows hard, her eyes stinging. “But what if it did, though?”

Leigh, clearly frustrated, responds, “You really think that?”

Jules looks down at the table and stays silent.

“Jules,” Leigh sighs, searching for the right words to reassure her sister. Eventually, she opts for honesty. “Look, I can’t tell you how to feel, but that’s not how I feel. Okay?”

It takes a second longer for Jules to say, “Okay.”

Leigh stares intently at her sister, noting the way Jules's eyes avoid contact. She knows the soft okay from Jules isn't a signal of acceptance or peace, but a white flag in a battle mostly with herself. Jules is grappling with her own guilt, a feeling that has little to do with Leigh but still consumes her. Leigh wishes, not for the first time, that her sister could see the truth as easily as she reads into misconceptions. It’s the same thing she wishes for herself.

Feeling slightly vindicated to have aired her feelings, Jules turns her attention back to the food spread between them. She reaches for her bánh mì, grips it firmly, and takes a hearty bite. As she chews thoughtfully, she manages a muffled, “Thanks, Leigh.”

Leigh just offers a small, understanding smile.

As they continue eating, Jules suddenly grins, crumbs dotting the corners of her mouth. “You're probably wondering why we're having Vietnamese tonight,” she says.

Leigh raises an eyebrow, curious despite herself. “I was wondering.”

Jules chews quickly, then, with her mouth still full, blurts out, “Well, I've got one more piece of news for you.”

-

It’s almost midnight when Leigh returns to her bedroom. 

As soon as her eyes land on her cellphone, carelessly tossed on the sheets, guilt floods her. She remembers she didn’t even say goodbye to you. Horrified, she realizes she left you hanging, high and dry.

She grabs her phone, her heart pounding in her chest, and checks for any messages from you. The screen lights up, but there are no new notifications, no missed calls.

“God, I’m such an idiot,” she mutters to herself, running a hand through her hair. She takes a deep breath and dials your number, her fingers trembling slightly as she presses the call button.

It rings once, twice, and then you answer. “Leigh?”

“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?” Leigh asks, picking up on the sleepiness in your voice.

“No, not at all. What’s up?”

She lets out a relieved sigh before rushing into an apology. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you like that. Jules came home and then I—”

“It’s okay, Leigh,” you whisper soothingly, grateful that she called you back at all.

That doesn’t alleviate Leigh's guilt, though. She racks her brain for a way to make amends. 

“Can we… Can we pick up where we left off?” she suggests hesitantly.

You let out a kind chuckle. “I’d like that. But maybe we should save it for… later. Honestly, that was a bit reckless, Leigh.”

Leigh's brow furrows, even though you can't see it. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“I want to do this right,” you explain earnestly. “If taking things slow helps us build something real, then I’m willing to wait.”

“Well, clearly patience hasn’t been my strong suit either,” Leigh admits, her lips curving into a grin at your attempt to be chivalrous.

“I know,” you whisper, traces of a smile audible in your voice. “But I didn’t want you to think that’s all I’m after. And believe me, I want you—it’s driving me crazy.” 

Leigh runs her tongue along her teeth, feeling the familiar tug of desire low in her belly.

“I just don't want us to get so caught up in the physical stuff that we miss out on really getting to know each other,” you say.

“Me neither,” Leigh agrees, tucking the blankets up under her chin, pretending it's you keeping her warm.

“While I obviously enjoyed our…conversation earlier,” you say, pausing to maintain your composure. You can still hear the echo of Leigh's moans in your car, the memory likely to revisit you on sleepless nights in the coming days. “I'm really looking forward to diving deeper into things, like your favorite book, on Saturday.”

“Maybe I'll bring you a whole list,” she teases.

“Guess I’ll have to find that library card I signed up for then,” you joke.

“A library card, huh? Dork,” she retorts affectionately.

You feign a wounded tone, “Ouch.”

The laughter that follows is light and easy. You sigh contentedly and say, “I should probably call it a day. I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Leigh.” I love you. “See you on Saturday.”

The call ends with both of you reluctantly hanging up, smiles fixed on your faces as you lie back. Leigh is an addictive rush, coursing through your veins like adrenaline. You've excused yourself out of habit for sleeping early, but you doubt you’re going to get much sleep tonight.

-

Leigh nudges open the door to the crowded bistro tucked near the Basically News office. It’s the thick of lunch hour, and the place pulses with the chatter of midday patrons. It’s exactly the sort of public, non-intimate setting you'd want for meeting an ex. She weaves through the crowded room, spotting Danny at a corner table, his focus tethered to his phone as he absently taps on the screen.

“Hey,” she greets, sliding into the chair opposite him.

Danny looks up, a hint of irritation flashing in his eyes. “You know, I could’ve just dropped by your house later.”

Leigh shakes her head. “It's better to meet somewhere public from now on.”

His expression darkens, and he scoffs. “Why? So Y/N doesn’t get jealous?”

Leigh leans back, crossing her arms. “Yes,” she says, deliberately blunt.

Danny's jaw sets, a muscle twitching slightly, but he doesn't press the issue. Instead, he reaches into his bag and retrieves a folder, sliding it across the table toward Leigh. “Matt’s publisher wants to release his comic posthumously,” he starts, “but there are strings attached.”

Interest sparks in Leigh's eyes as she opens the folder, her eyes quickly scanning the contract. 

“What kind of strings?” she asks.

“They want either you or me—or both of us—to join a group of artists to promote the comic—”

“That sounds fair and exciting,” Leigh interjects a bit too soon.

“—across the country,” Danny finishes, clicking his tongue in mild annoyance. “It’s a tour, Leigh.”

Leigh's fingers stall at the edge of the paper, the reality of the proposition sinking in. 

“A tour?” she echoes.

“Yeah,” Danny nods. He flags down a waiter and orders a beer. “Early next year. Matt’s comic is in the final stages of editing, and it should be finalized in about three weeks. They’re aiming for a release in February, and the tour will follow right after that.”

“That sounds soon,” Leigh remarks. “How long is the tour supposed to last?”

“About two months,” Danny replies. “We'll be traveling across different states, attending conventions, signing autographs, meeting fans. It’s a big commitment.”

“We?”

Danny shrugs, the hurt briefly flickering across his face before he can hide it. “Yeah, we. Though I'm not sure I can join because of the new job in Vegas. There's a good chance you might be doing this solo.” His attempt at nonchalance doesn't quite cover the sting of her reaction—how distant the concept of 'we' seems to her.

Leigh chews on her lip, her thoughts drifting to her own commitments—her column, her classes at the Beautiful Beast, and you. The idea of leaving all that behind, even for just a few months, feels like too great a sacrifice.

“It’s a lot to take in,” she says, pushing the folder back towards Danny. 

“He deserves this kind of recognition,” Danny implores, as if suggesting that Leigh thinks otherwise.

“I'm aware,” she snaps back, “I just need a bit of time to think it through, to sort out the schedules and everything.”

Danny raises his hands in mock surrender, indicating he doesn't want to escalate the argument. But Leigh knows him well enough to see through it—it’s a tactic. Danny has a way of guilting her into decisions without saying much, letting assumptions and insinuations simmer until Leigh finds herself making the choice he wants.

Leigh stands up, slipping the folder into her bag. “I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

“Fine,” Danny says with a tight nod. “Just don’t drag your feet. The publishers are waiting on an answer soon.”

-

Saturday comes soon, but not soon enough.

All week, relentless rain showers have scattered across the days, and though the forecast promises sunshine today, Leigh wakes up to the soft splattering of rain against her window. The gentle patter seeps into her consciousness, easing her from sleep. The room is filled with a cool, damp scent, and is bathed in a soft, diffused light as the morning sun is muted behind thick clouds. 

Leigh gropes blindly beneath the pillow to her left, retrieving her phone and squinting at the time. It’s 9:30 AM. She blinks, trying to shake the sleep from her mind, and her heart drops slightly as she notices five missed calls from you, each one timestamped progressively: 7:45, 7:55, 8:15, 8:30, and finally 8:45.

Guilt twists in her chest. She sits up, brushing sleep from her eyes, and dials your number back, hoping she hasn’t missed something important. 

You answer on the first ring. “Hey. Everything okay?”

Leigh sighs, running a hand through her tousled hair. “Yeah, I'm sorry I missed your calls. I just woke up. What's going on?”

“It’s Saturday,” you say rather awkwardly. “We had plans to meet this morning, remember?”

Leigh sits up, suddenly fully awake. She’s been looking forward to Saturday all week, eagerly anticipating this date. The realization that she slept through most of the morning fills her with shame. She’s been so restless the past few days, and it was only the gloomy, sleepy weather last night that finally allowed her to get some decent rest.

“I’m sorry if I disturbed your sleep, but since it’s an all-day affair, I thought we could start with breakfast,” you continue, breaking the silence that had been filled only with Leigh’s soft breathing.

“Where are you now?” she asks.

You hesitate for a moment before replying, “I’m actually parked outside your house.”

Fuck. Shit. Damn it.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, uhm, can you give me five minutes?”

“Take all the time you need.”

Leigh ends the call and throws off the covers, scrambling to get dressed. She rushes to the bathroom, splashing water on her face and running a brush through her hair, muttering curses under her breath. Her hands tremble slightly as she picks out an outfit, the anticipation of the day ahead propelling her forward.

As she heads for the door, a small smile forms on her lips. This might not have been the flawless beginning she imagined, but just knowing you’re on the other side makes it perfect already.

[infamous-if]

UPDATE

Hi, everyone! It’s been a few days since Part I dropped! I have been seeing all your questions (many of which I can’t answer lol) and have been seeing all the bug reports and typos. Thanks for sending them in.

I’ll be working on:

- fixing those bugs and typos starting this week. (I don’t respond or answer to typos just because I like having them all in one space, so trust me, I have seen them! I just keep them sitting in my inbox/dm’s to search for them later.)

- part II.

- After part II the days of free bug searching will be over, as I will want to find beta testers. The game is just getting too big and complicated for just one person, especially someone as error prone as me 😅

I do have to take a break. I know I keep saying I’m going to take a break and I don’t but my cold has not gone away even after a week. In fact, it’s getting worse so I may have to actually…be a responsible human and head to the hospital lmao I think my body has sort of shut down a bit since I was actively working on chapter 2 every day for hours on end. So yeah, break needed! But not a long one hehe

In the meantime I’ll be putting up a poll for patrons of the 6$ tier and asking them what POVs they want next. I have plans to write them all, but I want to spread them out in the month instead of getting too excited and dropping them so closely together as I have been haha I do have some Drabble ideas. Even though I prefer writing canon content, I think having some non canon in the middle while I work on canon content would be a nice…fluff to give more content.

I just want to have at least 3 things a week every week on patreon! So my brain is like firing up trying to think of good stuff to offer haha

+ thanks for the love on body double! and my BD ROs that are just as dysfunctional as my Infamous ones haha

That’s all. I will try to be quiet and stay away from this app a bit, just until I feel better. Bye! 😙

[floating-in-the-blue]

Happy Wip Anniversary: Alex Adoption Fic

On 17th of May, 2022 I started writing this story that had previously only lived as an indulgent fantasy in my head. A story about Alex getting thrown out of his home for being who he is, and being accepted into a different family for being who he is, and finding love for being who he is. Aka: Hurt - Comfort - Fluff.

Three years later, I've got about 80k and am still not finished (sob). Though I have published 33 other fics in that time so there's that at least. But what can I say, multi-chapters are not my natural habitat. But I'm still working on it on and off. Hopefully, by next year I will have finished it and started actually posting chapters.

I do have a series on AO3 for it (thanks to a different POV wip prompt), so if you want to subscribe so you don't miss the start of posting, I'd be more than thrilled :D

In the meantime, have one extra extra long snippet under the cut in celebration (containing spoilers, duh). I hope you like it <3

Note: There is no actual adoption in the Alex Adoption Fic but this is the important day in Alex's life when Emily and Mitch Patterson become his legal guardians (aka Chapter 17) Alex had spent a lot of time thinking about the day of the court hearing these last few weeks. He hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about waking up on the day. He’d assumed he wouldn’t get much sleep and once Willie had announced his plan of staying overnight, that assumption hadn’t changed, though for different reasons.

He’d been wrong.

Although falling asleep had proven difficult, once he’d managed that, he’d slept soundly through till the next morning until Emily woke him and he opened his eyes to Willie’s face next to his.

It was a weirdly assembled feeling. One part insisting that nothing had ever felt more right and normal, as if he and Willie had already spent innumerable nights together; the other part freaking out over being this close to Willie, having been this close to Willie for hours, sharing the same warmth, the same air, the same blanket and pillow.

He cleared his throat and blinked and croaked out a “good morning” that Willie returned with a huge smile.

Alex was all too aware of Luke bustling about behind him and so he turned his head and croaked out another, louder “good morning,” that Luke cheerfully returned.

“I’ll use the bathroom first,” Luke announced and slipped out of the room with a teasing grin and a wink.

“Yeah, I … okay,” Alex mumbled in the direction of the now closed door, unsure how to disentangle himself from Willie.

Not that he wouldn’t have loved to stay right here in bed, in his boyfriend’s arms for an eternity or two, but since that wasn’t an option, he felt incredibly awkward.

He wasn’t sure if Willie sensed it but, in any case, he sat up and shifted a little away from Alex, towards the wall, and Alex swiftly sat up as well, facing him.

“You sleep okay?” Willie asked, trying to comb through his hair with his fingers.

Alex’s mouth was dry at the sight of Willie wearing his t-shirt, sitting in his bed. After a second, he shook himself out of his thoughts and shrugged. “Better than I expected, to be honest.” He fumbled with his own bracelet, unable to keep eye contact. “Thank you, Willie.”

“Hey, I’m happy if I could help, pancake. Plus, you know, it wasn’t exactly a hardship or anything like that.”

Willie lightly punched his upper arm and Alex couldn’t help the smile overtaking his face.

“Did you sleep okay? Any more weird dreams?” he asked, finally looking up at his boyfriend again.

Willie hummed a little, nodding his head from side to side as he thought, fingers still absent-mindedly combing through his hair.

“Hm … I did dream about going to this pretty cool shop with … someone? I think it was my Mom but I’m not sure. Anyway, they had all sorts of knickknacks and stuff on a table in the middle of the room and then I found a room in the back where people were playing some board game that looked kinda cool. There was another room behind them with more games but I couldn’t really get to that. Didn’t want to bother the people, you know. But then I discovered that there was this wicked cool buffet lining the first room with all sorts of food though I’m not sure where people were supposed to sit and eat?” 

“… that sounds pretty cool?” Alex ventured after Willie had mused over this question in silence for a while.

Willie shrugged. “Yeah, it was pretty cool. I’m always fascinated by the details my brain comes up with, you know? But anyway, they sold Harry Potter napkins, so: not so cool after all, really.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah. How disappointing.”

“I know, right?” Willie huffed out an exaggerated sigh and finally gave up on combing through his hair. “Did you dream anything?”

Alex tried to think but there was pretty much just a blank in his mind where he’d been asleep. “No. I’m glad about it though. This day’s gonna be enough of a nightmare anyway, I guess.”

Willie’s face softened. “Well, you won’t have to live through it alone, at least.”

Alex swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat and just nodded. He was glad that Willie didn’t try to convince him it wouldn’t be a nightmare. That everything would be fine and peachy.

Luke returned just then and so Alex and Willie finally scrambled out of bed, Willie going to the bathroom while Alex endured a well-meaning pep talk from Luke. He was grateful, more than that really, that Luke continued to be so stoked for Alex living with them and becoming his ‘real brother’. Alex had given up on reminding him that they wouldn’t really be brothers since he wasn’t getting adopted. Mitch and Emily just would be his legal guardians.

Still, he sighed in relief as Willie returned and it was his time for a trip to the bathroom. He didn’t look into the mirror, just went through his routine as fast as he could. 

Only to then suffer through an uncomfortable breakfast where everyone was too nervous to really eat anything and there were constant glances at watches. Willie and Luke put a decent dent into the food but Emily and Mitch mostly just picked at theirs and Alex flat out refused any food. His stomach was already filled with so much anxiety, food wouldn’t mix well with that. 

At Emily’s urging though, he managed to at least nibble on a toast for a bit. She’d put on her stern Mom/nurse face so he had to give in.

After breakfast, they got ready. Which mostly meant Mitch and Emily gathering their papers and purse respectively, as well as the car keys. Alex just shoved his hands into the pouch of his hoodie with Willie and Luke at his sides. His own personal bodyguards and cheer squad. It did feel a little like going to his execution.

Alex stared straight ahead all through the drive to the court house. He was squeezed into the middle of the backseat, Luke on his left, Willie on his right. He had a suspicion that both were leaning into him a little more than strictly necessary.

His lips were dry and flaky but he kept on chewing them, watching the road ahead.

They were early but none of them had wanted to be late and they were all unfamiliar with the courthouse. 

Bobby was already waiting for them, hands pushed deep into the pockets of his jacket, face grim but he mustered up a little smile for Alex, who nodded.

It all seemed so unreal. He felt more like a marionette than a person.

Reggie ran up about five minutes later, face flushed, a huge grin on his face. He clapped Alex enthusiastically on the shoulder, declaring that everything would surely go absolutely great.

Except nothing was great about this.

Surrounded by his friends, Willie, and Luke’s parents, Alex stalked into the courthouse on stiff legs, hands clenched into fists inside the hoodie pouch. He’d left his baseball cap behind and fervently wished he could pull up his hood and disappear.

He moved on autopilot, following wherever the rest were leading him. Herding him, more like. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t have found the right room on his own in any case.

There was a tremor in his every muscle, so faint as from a distant earthquake but he knew it was because he’d started to unravel from inside. Hiding in his brain, his flesh, disconnecting himself from everything.

Breathe. He had to breathe.

The others had become vague shapes, blurred, shadowy. There were voices but none of the words made sense.

He just had to follow them. Just had to breathe.

His legs itched to run, his fight or flight instinct pointing firmly to ‘flight’ but flight was impossible. As was fight.

So he followed. And breathed.

At last they stopped in some corridor. There was a bench and gentle hands were urging him to sit down but he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to get up again if he sat down now so he resisted. 

The gentle pressure disappeared from his shoulder and he was left standing.

Voices washed around him as white noise while Alex breathed.

Time had lost all meaning and he couldn’t have said whether they waited for five minutes or five hours.

They waited. 

And then they went inside.

The moment he walked through the door, his senses seemed to start up again, objects and people becoming sharper until recognition settled in.

The room did not look like the courtrooms from movies and tv shows he’d watched. No wood. No jury stands. Of course. This wasn’t a criminal court and they rarely showed the other sort in the media. It resembled other utilitarian rooms and Alex took comfort from the sparse, efficient, slightly run down appearance. Some different furniture and this could have been a classroom. A cafeteria. A hospital waiting room.

It was mundane.

Strange, how something so important could happen in a room like this.

Someone ushered them to their places. Uncomfortable, utilitarian chairs. Luke and Willie snatched up the seats on either side of him, Reggie and Bobby behind them. Emily and Mitch sat next to Luke. Emily kept fussing with her blouse and hair, Mitch cleaned his glasses and then kept fiddling with the hem of his sensible blue sweater.

They all kept glancing round to see if his parents would make an appearance.

But there was no sight of the people who had born and fed and educated him anywhere. The people who had loved him for the first seventeen years of his life and would no longer love him for the rest of it.

For something as stupidly insignificant as just not being straight. They had made it his fault, his sin, his choice but it wasn’t a choice and it wasn’t a sin and with his thigh pressed to Willie’s, he knew it wasn’t a mistake.

The judge was a woman somewhere in her fifties, although the wrinkled face made her look older. Maybe she smoked a lot. She seemed stern but not unkind. He hadn’t spotted Mr Sao anywhere.

Every muscle in Alex’s body was wound so tight that he expected something to break every moment. As if all the places he’d been broken before would come undone again.

He inhaled sharply and his hand sneaked over to Luke’s thigh, palm up, all on its own. It was only after Luke had grasped his hand, warmth suffusing his skin, that he remembered that he now also had a boyfriend and that he could ask for comfort from him, too.

It still felt a little strange—his heart beating somewhere high near his lungs—to take his left hand out of the hoodie pouch as well and to extend it for Willie to hold it.

Except Willie didn’t lose a second before grasping Alex’s hand with both of his and keeping it securely in his lap.

And with every deliberate breath, he started to unwind a little, to feel warm again.

Soon, there were warm hands on either of his shoulders, squeezing.

“Okay.”

It was half breath, half croak, and so much easier than ‘thank you.’ There would be time for that afterwards. For now, he accepted all of his friends’ strength he could borrow to get through the next hour or so.

*

It didn’t take an hour. It took approximately seventeen minutes.

Judge Pearson hadn’t needed much more than the apparently thorough report from Mr Sao and the glaring absence of Alex’s parents (plus the obvious show of support Alex had with his chosen new family) to come to the quick and calm decision that Emily and Mitch Patterson would act as his legal guardians until he came of age.

There was a businesslike solemnity to the whole proceeding that felt inadequate to what was actually happening but Alex was glad of it.

Just as he was glad that the judge spared him the response of his parents to Mr Sao’s endeavors to talk to them. There was a small, masochistic part that wanted to know but as Judge Pearson said, it would have served no purpose. His parent’s decision was quite clear by their absence alone.

And just like that, he was no longer his parent’s son.

Well, technically, he still was and if they had wanted, they could have fought to get him back. They also had to pay child support since they were financially able to do so. But since there was no law that could stop them from disinheriting him, that was probably the last support he was ever going to get from them. Financially or otherwise.

Legally, he was still Alex Mercer but for all other intents and purposes, he now belonged to the Pattersons with the full consent of the law.

Once they’d left the courtroom, Luke slapped him on the shoulder and both Bobby and Reggie cheered. Willie gave him a brief hug that was much too short but soon, Emily was hugging him, too, and kissing his cheek, while Mitch clapped his shoulder and smiled encouragingly at him.

Alex, however, just felt numb.

The others were celebrating a victory but he felt like he’d played for the losing team for seventeen years.

“Sorry, I—”

He turned abruptly on the spot and followed the signs towards the nearest bathroom with quick strides. Immediately, his heart was drowned in a mixture of relief at getting away from the others for a bit and guilt for being relieved in the first place. Not to mention the vast undercurrent of mixed feelings about what had just happened and what it all meant.

He almost wished the bathroom was further away because the walking had helped at least a little but he arrived soon after he had started. Thankfully, the bathroom was quite empty. Just clean white tiles and the scent of citrus cleaner filling the room.

Except, maybe two minutes later, the door opened again and Willie entered.

Alex had been staring at his face in the mirror, still dripping from the cold water he’d splashed into it but now he turned, apprehensive in a way he couldn’t explain.

“Hey,” Willie said quietly and then continued to chew on his lower lip.

Alex had rarely seen him so serious.

“Hey.” He rubbed the sleeve of his hoodie over his face to dry off the water.

“Are you okay?”

Alex swallowed and shrugged. “Yeah …” It didn’t sound all too convincing even to himself.

Some emotion flickered over Willie’s face, pity perhaps, but then he’d suddenly crossed the room and was right in front of Alex and Alex’s breath hitched but Willie just slung his arms around his neck and pulled him close and with a shuddering inhale of breath, Alex let himself be held.

Gradually, he relaxed into Willie’s embrace and finally returned it, clinging to Willie as he buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck.

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Willie whispered after a while.

“But everyone’s so happy,” Alex protested, mumbling the words into Willie’s collar.

“Pancake,” Willie said after a moment, “they’re the ones who won something.”

Alex didn’t reply immediately. He let the words sink in and finally accepted that there was no obligation to feel the same as the others because while he had won something precious, he’d also lost something so monumentally part of who he’d been that it would need more time than a handful of months to fill the gaping holes left in his soul. All the places that had once held his parents’ love, his trust in them, the idea of family and what that entailed, had to be refilled with other things. He knew he was on a good path for that but while his body had healed slowly and painfully, his soul would heal even slower. And there would be much more pain.

He knew he’d carry those scars for the rest of his life.

*

He wasn’t sure how long they stood in the bathroom, Willie holding him, Alex holding onto him. Eventually, the door opened and an older man in a suit walked in, clearing his throat in clear embarrassment. 

With an awkward chuckle, Alex let go of Willie. He would have liked to stay longer but public bathrooms probably weren’t the best place to hang out and he did feel considerably lighter than just ten minutes ago.

Letting the guy pee in peace, he and Willie left the bathroom but soon, Willie caught his hand and entwined their fingers.

“Thank you,” Alex croaked out, swinging their hands lightly.

“Of course.”

“I hope the others aren’t too mad.”

Willie bumped into him, a reassuring grin on his face. “Nah.”

And Willie was right. When they finally found their way back to the others, only taking one wrong turn along the way, there was relief on everyone’s faces and smiles but no anger or impatience.

“You okay, dude?” Reggie asked.

And this time, it wasn’t a lie when Alex nodded. “Yeah.”

“I think we could all use a good lunch now,” Mitch said and smiled. “Anyone in favour?”

It was a little early for lunch but they were all in favour.

Later, when they’d all piled into a burger joint and were discussing lunch choices, Emily took him aside.

“It’s okay not to be happy about all of this and I hope you know you don’t have to pretend otherwise just for my and Mitch’s sake.”

Alex’s eyes prickled but he swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. Okay.” He shook the hair out of his face and took a deep breath before he added: “Thank you. For–for everything. I really am grateful.”

Emily patted his shoulder and smiled. “Of course you are. Doesn’t mean you can’t still wish things had never gotten here. It’s only natural, hunny.”

He nodded again. “Yeah. But there’s a lot of good here.” He glanced over to his friends and Willie discussing the merits of curly fries vs. normal fries.

“Glad to hear it. Now, I think we should get some food into this rowdy bunch.”

“Probably a good idea.” He hesitated and then blurted out: “Can I get a strawberry milkshake?”

Emily laughed in surprise and then smiled brightly. “Yes. Yes of course you can, sweetie.”

And so Alex celebrated. Not that he had lost his parents. But that he had found a new family. One that didn’t frown at strawberry milkshakes, thinking any milkshake, especially a pink one, too childish for someone his age.

[daydreamgoddess14]

Support System pt. 5

MASTERLIST

CH1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4

Roy Kent x Reader

I'm on a roll. Roy Kent making me feel things 🥵 This one is a bit angsty but buckle up - we're getting to the good stuff soon!

Yes, this is the second update in one day... what of it? That picture of his thighs made me do it.

Chapter 5

The rest of the week goes as you’d originally planned for the most part. Lexie was absolutely fine to go to school the next day and you’d already worked out your work plans based on when you were actively trying to avoid Roy. Now, you weren’t so sure that you wanted to do that. By Thursday, you could feel a low ache inside but couldn’t put a finger on it. Work hadn’t been happy that you’d ducked out on Monday afternoon, but you’d tried to fight your corner. It became clearer that they weren’t the business you wanted to work for.

It had left an annoying feeling behind that no matter what you did, you weren’t enough for them. So much so, that by Wednesday, you took in a letter of resignation. They made some noise about becoming more flexible but not wanting to alienate other people who worked for them - they called it ‘special treatment’. You’d argued that everyone should be given more flexibility and more support in their work-life balance - no matter what that life outside of work looked like. They’d painted you as the bad guy and made it look like Lexie was the reason for needing flexibility when, really, you wanted the same for everyone in the business. Giving two months' notice terrified you, it accelerated the need to find a new job. You had savings, but they wouldn’t cover your bills forever. Every night saw you scouring the job sites for something as close to Richmond as possible. But all of that wasn’t the cause of the ache. It was more of an anticipation. Butterflies at rest. You’re approaching the school doors on Thursday afternoon, getting ready to join the queue of people picking up, when you see both Sara and Roy. The butterflies are suddenly up in arms, and the ache explodes into something more. Oh shit.

“Hey! Has your week picked up? Roy said he had to rescue you on Monday, was Andy a total dickbag?”

“Oh god he was horrible, I have no idea looking back now why the fuck I married him. And my week is bloody terrible - I quit my job.”

“What?!”

“Why the fuck did you do that?”

“I couldn’t carry on the way I was, it was a nightmare. With both them and Andy not being remotely supportive it just makes life so difficult.”

“What are you gonna do?” Roy frowned.

“I’m looking for something closer to Richmond if possible. If not, then the city is fine but the company has got to be a bit more progressive than where I am now. Trouble is there’s not much call for deputy Directors.”

“What about skipping the deputy bit?” Sara asked. You shake your head,

“Don’t think it’ll work. Typically that would be too much - more hours, more demanding. I love my work and I can handle demanding - like, really demanding. But I desperately need the flexibility so I can be around for Lexie.” Sara nodded.

“I get you. You should get yourself a Roy, they’re invaluable.” She poked her brother lovingly. You ignore the comment and the fuck off he responds with. “Easter holidays next week! Are you doing anything?”

“I was going to try and go away for the day somewhere. Jump on the train down to Brighton or something?”

“That’s a great idea! I’m off for a couple of days - we should all go.” The girls pour out of school hand in hand and you agree with Sara to plan a beach day trip. In the meantime though, the girls demand another sleepover. “I’m working honey, but if Uncle Roy can take you then of course you can go. As long as it’s ok with Lexie’s mum.”

“Course it is. I’d love to have you, Phoebe. Friday or Saturday, whichever is easiest for you.” You tell Roy.

“Do Saturday and you can all come to the match on Sunday?”

“Yeah, ok, we’d like that.” You smile and the butterflies go crazy. 

~~~~~~~

Lexie insists on a full on pajama party for her sleepover, she makes you bring blankets and pillows downstairs and banishes you to any other room - preferably the kitchen so you can keep them supplied with snacks. By the time Phoebe arrives at 4pm, she’s transformed the living room into some sort of Disney inspired boudoir.

“Come in.” You smile at them both, opening the door wide. Phoebe heads straight for the living room and the door is firmly closed. “Well… I guess they don’t need me.”

“What are you going to do instead?” Roy asks curiously.

“I have a book and a bottle of wine in the kitchen, that’s me all set.” Giggles and bangs sound from the next room, “Not sure I’ll be getting much sleep though. Beer? Wine?”

“Yeah go on then.” He follows you to the kitchen and picks up your book before he’s even sat down. After reading the blurb he takes a picture of the cover.

“You can have it when I’m done.” You offer, turning down the speaker which had been blasting Taylor Swift a little too loudly.

“Not you as well,” he pointed at the speaker. “This is all I get to listen to.”

“They’re 8. She’s like their queen. And yes, I can’t help listening to it as well.” You smile. “Would you like to stay for dinner? I can’t promise Anna and Elsa will join us, but you’re still welcome to stick around.”

“Thanks.” Watching you potter around the kitchen for a while, he picks up the book, makes sure to save your place and flips to the beginning. Assuming he’s engrossed, you concentrate on cutting bell peppers and onions for fajitas, the silence is comfortable, he’s so quiet you pretty much forget he’s there. The music still plays in the background,

“All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life. Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life. And I want you now, wanna need you forever. In the heat of your electric touch,” you sing softly, bopping to the music. It’s not until you go into the pantry under the stairs for spices and see him at the table, watching you, that you remember he’s there. “Fajitas ok?” You stop short and clear your throat. There’s a smile just bubbling in the corner of his mouth, waiting to break free.

“Forget you had company?”

“Fuck off. Maybe.”

“Fajitas are great, thanks.” You forget shyness and awkwardness. It’s your new favourite song so despite his presence, you carry on as you were with slightly less dancing. The girls are persuaded to join you for dinner, even helping you with the homemade guacamole. Roy puts up with the three of you singing along to Taylor Swift at various pitches. “You sound like a bunch of fucking cats.” Phoebe responds by singing loudly down his ear with her wooden spoon microphone.

When the girls are settled with popcorn and a film, you see him to the door. “You’re not stupid, you know.”

“Pardon?”

“Last week. You called yourself stupid. Fucking repeatedly actually, and you’re wrong.”

“Oh. Umm… thanks. Felt pretty stupid. Anyway, like I said, I made a mistake.”

“Yep. Begged me to forget it.” He said quietly. The way he lingered on his words had your heart thumping and your body flooding with desire. You’re sure you must be trembling, your thighs press together and you swear you could come apart just from the way he’s looking at you. But then the girls are dancing through the hall and it’s a sharp reminder that you’re not alone. You see the disappointment flicker in his eyes right before he gives you a small smile, “goodnight. Call me if Phoebe starts playing up. Tickets are waiting for you for the match tomorrow.” You nod, not sure you can trust your voice to stay steady, not really sure you can trust yourself to put a full sentence together.

“Bye.” You whisper. 

~~~~~~

“Lexie! Come on, we need to go and get the train!”

“I can’t find my goggles!”

“You don’t need goggles, darling, the sea is going to be freezing! I know it’s a heatwave but I don’t expect much swimming!” Who were you kidding, two 8 year olds in a heatwave would absolutely be getting in the sea at the first opportunity. You had a beach bag packed with suncream, towels and everything else you could possibly need. You and Sara had planned together so that you didn’t duplicate and have too much to carry. “Lexie! Let’s go!” She bounces down the stairs and straight out the door, leaving you trailing after her. At the station, Sara and Phoebe are already waiting and you're surprised to see Roy with them. “Sorry, couldn’t get Lexie out the door!” You hadn’t seen Roy since the night the girls had their sleepover, apart from seeing him down at pitchside for the football match. It was Tuesday and the last couple of days had felt like an eternity. You feel his eyes looking you up and down as you approach the platform. You get on the tube into the city and change for the train to Brighton. The Easter holidays meant everyone had a similar idea and the trains are packed and hot. Your sundress and hat are no match for the heat, you have to take your hat off and use it to fan both you and Sara. You’ve given the girls the only two seats you could find so the three of you stand to one side to keep the aisle clear.

“Fuck this. I should have driven.”

“Where’s the fun in that!” Sara laughed.

“How are you not hot?” You ask, he’s still in jeans and a t-shirt.

“Thought I was?” He asked quietly while Sara was distracted looking back to check on the girls. You roll your eyes and shake your head, turning away from him to look out of the window. “You look lovely.” He adds, putting a hand on your hip as the train sways you from side to side. He doesn’t move it once the train has steadied. When you get there, you follow the crowds down to the beach, the girls running slightly ahead and Sara and Roy either side of you. As you get closer to the beach, Sara steps in between the girls and takes their hand to keep them close. You get caught up in a group of people but you can still see Sara up in front. Through the crowd, a hand takes yours and pulls you in. Roy interlinks your fingers. “Don’t get fucking lost, we’ll never find you.” He says. Sara waves that she’s found a space and you make your way in her direction, not letting go of his hand. The second you put Lexie’s hat back on her head after smothering her in suncream, she grabs Phoebe’s hand and runs to the sea.

“Stay in sight!” Sara tries shouting after them but it’s impossible to tell whether they’ve heard. 

“I’ll go,” you offer with a grimace, “let’s see how fucking cold it is.” You kick off your sandals and pull your sundress over your head, revealing a royal blue swimsuit underneath.

“Aha!” Sara stops you and throws a bottle in your direction, “cream first. I’ll go and find us some drinks. Beers?”

“Ooh yes please.” She goes off in the direction of the beach vendors. You spray your shoulders and arms with the sticky cream, trying to get as much of your back as you can. Once you’ve finished, you pass the bottle to Roy, avoiding his gaze.

“Be careful,” he says softly, you can’t see his eyes through his dark sunglasses, fortunately. You squeal as the water hits your legs,

“It’s fucking freezing!” You shout to Sara as she returns with three bottles of beer and two of fizzy pop. She leaves everything with Roy and joins you as you watch the girls play mermaids in the cool, shallow water. “This was such a good idea. I needed this.” You hold your hat and look up to the sky, basking in the warm sunshine. 

“Such a good idea,” she agrees. “Though I thought Roy’s brain was going to short circuit when you pulled that bloody dress off! God, it was bad enough when you came down onto the platform earlier - I think he stopped breathing! But then with that underneath,” she gestures up and down your body and whistled,

“Oh don’t be daft.”

“I’m not, you look great. And Roy thinks so too.”

“Hmm if you say so.”

“I’m his sister. I have met every woman he’s ever brought home. Every model, actress, singer… you name it. Back then, when he was younger, he did it because he knew it was what was expected of a hotshot footballer for Chelsea. You get the hot girls. But fuck, they were boring. He was boring when he was with them! Since he’s gotten older, he doesn’t give a shit. Dates whoever he wants. Keeley was lovely but not quite right for him. He might look and act like a grumpy fucker, but he has so much love to give and he wants to be loved. He’s intense, I know. But when he finds the right person, god she’s never going to want for anything.” You’ve both waded into the water up to your thighs, your hands drift across the top of the water. 

“I’ve never been loved like that.” You admit.

“Me either. Be pretty fucking good wouldn’t it?” She laughs. "Also, we definitely deserve it."

"Oh god, we really fucking deserve it!" 

~~~~~~~

You manage to persuade the girls to get out of the water for a bit so you can get food. While you've been gone, Roy has dug the girls beach towels from the bags, changed into shorts and is reading. You'd happily thank every god, deity, or lucky star for the sunglasses you're wearing because your eyes are drawn to his legs as if you haven't seen him play football for as long as you can remember. The sun dries you quickly so you pull your dress back on. "Who wants food?" You ask the girls, who are eager to agree. "I see chips. I'll be back as soon as I can, Lexie, be good for Sara and Roy please." 

"I'll help." Roy's on his feet before Sara who wiggles her toes in the sand and waves you both off. It's a short walk to the beach bar, but it's busy so Roy gets you both a beer while you wait. Space is limited but there's one side of a picnic bench spare for you to share. Your knees knock together as people squeeze by and there's hardly enough room for you to sit side by side. He turns on the bench to put one leg either side of the seat and you mirror him. Your back is to his chest but you don't lean back into him. His fingertip traces the strap of your dress from the top of your shoulder down to where it joined the back of your dress, across the centre of your back and up the other strap. His touch makes you shiver, even in the heat of the sun. "You need more cream, you're going pink," he said, "and you have freckles here." His knuckle grazes a line from the back of your ear into the dip of your neck and it's all you can do to breathe normally. The waitress comes over with a tray full of food cartons which you accept, grateful to give your hands something to do. You get up from the bench and hold the tray in one hand so you can offer the other to Roy while he bears his weight on his bad knee to get up from the table. You did it with such little fuss or acknowledgement that he's left staring after you as you start back down the beach to Sara and the girls. You find shade in the afternoon and take it in turns sitting with the bags to get out of the heat while the girls barely stop for more suncream and water. By the time you all pile back into the train home, they're exhausted and you're not much more awake. The return journey is quieter so you get a table with 4 seats. The girls squeeze into one and fall asleep almost instantly. Sara curls into Phoebe and watches out the window. She smiles across at you,

"Such a fucking great idea." She repeats your comment from earlier. 

"We're stopping over next time," you laugh quietly so you don't wake the kids, "I'm knackered!" She agrees and lets her eyes close. You do the same thing, your head coming to rest on Roy's shoulder. As you get back into the city, he brushes the hair from your eyes, 

"Time to wake up, nearly home." Your initial reaction is to push your face further into him, but this only makes him laugh. "Come on, and you," he kicks Sara under the table. No one is happy to be woken up. You drag yourselves to the underground, into a train back to Richmond and finally into Roy's car. It's not even that late - but it's been a long day. He drops Phoebe and Sara off first and then makes his way to yours. Living between the two has been a big bonus in terms of how much they've helped out with Lexie. She's asleep in the car, so he picks her up and carries her up the path. Once you've unlocked the house, he puts her on the sofa while you dump the overflowing bags in the hallway - forgotten hats and stuffed toys from the arcade spilling out. 

"Beer?" You whisper from the doorway, and he nods. You drink them standing side by side in the kitchen. You can't wait for a shower, your skin feels sticky with suncream, sea water, and the ice cream and sweets you've been eating all day. He pushes you gently with his arm, 

"Today was fucking brilliant."

"It really was. You must have spent a fortune winning those toys for the girls."

"Worth it. Won one for you as well, don't forget."

"How could I? I've always wanted a neon pink rubber duck." You grin. "It can keep me company in the bath."

"You're fucking killing me." He mutters, shaking his head. 

"What?"

"I've had to watch you in that swimsuit all fucking day and then you go and say shit like that?" He puts his empty bottle down and turns to stand in front of you, one hand either side of you on the kitchen counter. You're boxed in, but he's giving you enough space. You can tell he's giving you just enough time to say no, if that's what you want to do. You hold his gaze and don't say anything, the tiniest glance at his mouth is all the confirmation he needs to take the same step forward as he did a couple of weeks before. This time when his nose brushes against yours, it's less timid. He captures your mouth in a hot and fierce kiss. You turn your head just so, giving him better access and the hands that had stayed patiently on the counter were on you in half a second. One up in your hair and the other on your hip, your waist, the small of your back, bringing you as close as possible. Your hands move up his arms and around his neck, nails dragging through his hair. You've never been kissed like this before, never. It's so full of longing that it takes your breath away. His body presses against you, pushing you into the counter, his good knee between yours. Your head falls back so you can try to catch your breath but it's impossible when he moves to kiss a path down your neck. You can't help but moan as he nips at your sunburnt skin. You want more, so much more, but you know Lexie is only in the next room and the last thing you'd want is for her to wake up. The kiss has you in pieces already, it's intoxicating. He comes back to your mouth again for a slightly tamer kiss, "you taste like sunshine," he smiles. You open your eyes just to see it and it's beautiful. Both breathless, he takes the smallest step back. Somewhere in the hallway, your phone rings, bringing you both back to reality. You let it ring, reluctant to move away from his touch, eyes still only on each other, when Lexie brings the phone in with a big yawn.

"It's daddy." She says, handing it to you, and you see the defeat in Roy's eyes.

~~~~~

[homestuck-archive]

HOMESTUCK: BEYOND CANON NEWS UPDATE!!

Hi, James here. What a week. What a month. What a year. Hope this update finds you well. About time we heard from these guys.

A lot of things goin on this month, it was just announced that the guys over at Requiem are doing their Homestuck Cafe event again this year for the 15 year anniversary. Neat! I won’t be there and I don’t really have much to do with it, but I’m sure they will talk about it in the coming weeks.They’re also doing a limited run of merch for the event, which is kinda cool. If you are in the Southern California area and are the type of person that likes themed desserts and drinks it could be fun!

What else..? Over on Patreon we ran a poll. If you are a member and hadn’t seen it, it looks like people generally want to stagger releases of paid patron content so that it's not all dumped at the beginning of the month. A lot of little projects are waiting to finalize things with like ONE guy, so hopefully I will have more exciting news for you soon.

I promised a little transparency even when it was mundane, so here’s some updates of where we’re at: as a team we’ve been looking at merch and we have an opportunity to do a few shirts (GOD. DAMMIT. THIS ISN'T PART OF THE NEWS UPDATE BY THE WAY, I JUST HATE MORE SHIRTS. GOD.) as a sort of trial run with a manufacturer and supplier to see if we’re worth it, but I kind of want to make something a little more interesting than say an illustration on a hanes beefy-t. You know what I mean? Not even a long sleeve? C'mon man. Chumi has been reaching out to musicians about this vinyl, but if we can’t get ahold of the last two guys we might just have to go ahead without them which would suck. I’ll try reaching out through other avenues as well.

The new websites got some stuff in the works, but we’ll be halting some of that to focus on a few key updates that are coming up that will require a little more on the technical side. In the meantime, keep those suggestions and typo fixes coming.

As a team we are planning to do something small and fun for the anniversary, so stay tuned for more about that next month.

[punchdrunkdoc]

Part 3, Chapter 15

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 4 parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action/violence and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

Reference pics

Sorry for the delay - had the cold from hell!

————–

PART 3

Chapter 15

Calina barely stirred as Matt slipped out of her bed the next morning.

He was more than loathe to leave the warm, comfortable haven but he needed to get ready for work. So he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, pulled the covers up and over her chilled skin, and crept out of her apartment.

He returned forty minutes later, once showered and dressed, with a hammer in one hand and a bunch of nails that he’d found shoved in a box under his sink. This time Calina was a little more alert - and she became more so when he started pounding a nail into the base of her window frame.

“Matt?” she asked, rolling over to face him. “What are you doing?”

“Fixing what I broke last night.” He hammered in another nail to keep the window shut. It wasn’t the neatest job, but it would do until he could arrange for the building Super to mend it.

As long as she was safe in the meantime.

“You came through the window last night?” She sounded befuddled.

“Well, I didn’t have a key to your front door.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

He placed his tools on the window ledge and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to hide his smile. He loved sleepy, confused Calina - he’d missed seeing this side of her.

“No need to apologise, sweetheart. Why don’t you get some more rest?”

She relaxed back against the pillows. “Mmmm, okay. Thank you.”

“For the suggestion, or for the window?”

“For last night,” she explained, stifling a yawn. “I didn’t meant to mess up the whole ‘going slow’ thing.”

“We can go slow tonight.”

She smiled, even as her eyes fell shut. “Mmm, tonight. Our date.”

“That’s right. Our date.” He leaned over and kissed her, feeling her smile against his lips. “See you then, sweetheart.”

“Mmm.”

He smiled at her response - barely more than a hum of noise as she slipped back into slumber - then crept back out of the apartment. As he made his way to work, he searched his phone for possible restaurant options for that night.

And soon realised he’d made a huge mistake: he’d over-promised on this date, and was going to massively underdeliver.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath as he shouldered his way into the main office, his concentration still locked on his phone.

“What’s up?” Foggy asked.

“Everywhere decent is booked up.”

“Huh?”

“I’m trying to arrange dinner for me and Calina for tonight, but everywhere’s booked.”

“Okay, first of all, I’m glad you two worked things out. Secondly, what did you expect, man? You can’t leave these things to the day of. You gotta plan in advance.”

“What’s going on?” Karen asked, emerging from the conference room.

“Matt’s trying to find a restaurant for him and Calina for tonight.”

Karen sucked in a breath. “Good luck. Its crazy these days - you have to book weeks in advance if you want somewhere good.”

“I didn’t know in advance,” Matt replied through gritted teeth. “We only sorted things out between us a few days ago.”

“So what’s the rush?” Foggy asked.

“I already told her we’d do something tonight, and she’s excited about it. It’s our first date.”

Foggy and Karen seemed unimpressed, so Matt spelled it out for them. “Which means its her first date, ever.”

“Oh,” Karen said, sympathy in her voice.

“Yikes. Talk about pressure,” Foggy said. Before Matt could glare at him for the glib response, Foggy continued. “Good thing I’m in a position to help you out.”

“What?” Matt asked. “How?”

“I just so happen to have a reservation for tonight going spare.”

“Again, how?”

“I booked something for Marci and me months ago. Its our anniversary, so I went for something super classy and romantic. But she’s had to go out of town for a big case she’s working on.”

“That sucks, Foggy,” Karen said.

Foggy shrugged and smiled. “She more than made it up to me over the weekend. In several creative and mind-blowing ways, if you catch my drift.”

“I do,” she grimaced. “Unfortunately.”

“So, I can have the reservation?” Matt asked, ignoring their banter.

“I dunno, man. Are you prepared to owe me this big? I mean, we’re talking leave-everything-to-me-in-your-will big. Donate-one-of-your-kidneys big. Nominate-me-for-sainthood big.”

“Its just dinner, Fog.”

Foggy pointed a finger at him. “It’s dinner and dancing, my friend. In the Rainbow Room. At the top of Rockerfeller Plaza, with the Empire State Building right outside the window. Women have been going nuts for that shit since, like, the 30s.”

Matt glanced at Karen. She nodded, reluctantly. “It is pretty spectacular.”

“Then I’ll take it. Especially the dancing. Calina will love that. The will, the kidney, the sainthood is yours, Fog.” He clasped a hand on his friends shoulder and squeezed. “Thanks, buddy.”

———

The knock on the door startled Calina.

Who would be visiting her?

She’d already been to see Mrs Schneider this morning. The Widows were still packing up the safe house and moving all the surveillance gear into storage, and Matt was at work - he’d texted her only twenty minutes ago to confirm their date.

She didn’t really know anyone else.

The knock sounded again. Then a female voice called through the door, “Calina?”

It was a familiar voice. And she realised she did, in fact, know someone else in New York. “Karen?” she called, padding over to the door. She swung it open to find the tall blond smiling at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you needed any help.”

Calina stepped aside to let her in. The other woman took a few steps in and stopped, taking in the clothes strewn all over the couch and the outfits hanging on the bedroom door. “I can see that you do.”

Calina hurried over to gather up the items from the couch. “Sorry for the mess. Matt’s taking me out tonight and I was trying to decide what to wear.”

Karen smiled. “Let me guess: he told you to be ready for 8, and that was it.”

Calina shrugged. “He said it was a surprise.”

“Men can be so clueless about this kind of thing. That’s why I came to help.” She held up her hands. “I won’t spoil the surprise, but I’ll make sure you have on the perfect dress for the occasion.”

“Dress? I was just going to wear pants. I have a pair that look really nice with heels and a silk top-”

Karen shook her head. “Uh-uh. I’m sure they look very nice - you could probably wear a burlap sack and look gorgeous - but this venue calls for a bit more glamour.” She dropped her purse on the floor and started wriggling out of her coat. “Let’s see what dresses you have.”

Calina bit her lip. “I only really have one. But it doesn't exactly have the best memories attached to it…”

Karen froze with one arm out of her coat. Then she reversed-course, shrugged it back on and grabbed her purse. “Looks like we’re going shopping, then. Come on.”

Half an hour later they were on the third floor of Nordstrum’s, in the woman’s designer clothing department.

“Okay,” Karen said, clasping her hands together in front of her, as if rallying troops for a battle. “What’s your style? Sexy and daring, frilly and floaty, or somewhere in between?”

Calina shook her head, taken aback by all the choice in front of her. Give her a machete-wielding opponent looking for a fight, or a building schematic written in Japanese, and she’d know what to do…

But this?

She was at a loss.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what my style is.” She’d still been figuring that out when she was uprooted from New York to Maine, then again to New Jersey - where advertising the Widows’ presence with a bunch of online deliveries wouldn’t have been wise.

Besides, prepping for a raid against a megalomaniacal Russian super-villain didn’t exactly leave a lot of time for shopping.

Karen didn’t bat an eyelid. “No problem. Let’s just have a look around and see if anything jumps out at you.”

Calina nodded and approached the nearest rack. But immediately ruled it out. “Too bright.”

“Are you sure? With your colouring, you could definitely pull off something like this.” She tugged at the skirt of a cobalt blue slip dress.

Calina shook her head. “Not me.”

“See?” Karen smiled. “You do know what you like.”

Calina returned the smile, and started browsing through the gowns with more enthusiasm.

Occasionally, Karen would hold something up to gauge her opinion, which Calina was always quick to decisively offer.

“Too many ruffles.”

“I don’t like those sleeves.”

“There’s not a lot of give in that material.”

“Yeah,” Karen agreed, replacing the tight silk dress to its rack. “You’ll need to be able to move.”

“Why?” Calina asked, worried. “Is Matt expecting trouble? Are we going to be forced to fight at some point?”

Karen gave her a strange look. “No," she said slowly. "I just meant- actually, I can’t tell you what I meant. But there won’t be fighting.” She rolled her eyes. “Although with Matt’s luck, you never know.”

Calina smiled. “And mine. It would probably be safer if we just stayed on the couch and ordered take-out.”

“No. You’re going to go out, and have fun, and look amazing while you do it.” She turned away to rifle through the Mark Jacobs display.

Calina watched her for a few moments, feeling confused. “Why are you helping me like this?” she finally asked. “Isn’t it awkward? Given your history with Matt…”

“Matt and I were barely a thing. I mean, I did have feelings for him for a long time…but they were feelings for a version of Matt that didn’t really exist. Or a version that wasn’t the complete him.” She shook her head. “I’m not explaining this well.”

“You mean the version that wasn’t Daredevil.”

Karen sighed. “Yeah. It took him a long time to tell me the truth about his alter ego. Long after I’d already fallen for him, and after we’d started dating. And that truth shifted something. Or, it was more like all the lies shifted something. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. He’s still a great man. An amazing, brave, caring man. Just not the one I’d built up in my head. And I could never reconcile that man with the one who lied to me, and pushed me to the side when his mission and Elektra came calling-”

Karen noticed something in Calina’s expression and hurried to explain. “But you don’t have to worry about that. Elektra’s long gone, and he’s in a better place now - not as obsessive as he used to be about being Daredevil. There was a time when he threw his whole life away to just be the man in the mask, but I can’t imagine him doing that now. Not when he has you. You’ve made him whole. That’s why I can help you. Because I see how good you are for him, and how happy you’ve made him.”

Calina barely noticed the compliment, and she hadn’t been worried by the idea of Elektra, or of Matt being Daredevil - she was too fixated on the the other thing Karen had said:

‘The lies shifted something.’

There were some stark parallels between Matt's relationship with Karen, and the one he now shared with her - and they weren't good parallels.

"I haven’t always made him happy," Calina admitted. "I sometimes think I’ve hurt him more often than I’ve brought him any comfort or joy. The way he lied to you, I lied to him. I kept secrets from him and hid who I really was. And I’m scared it will eventually shift something in him, the way it shifted in you. That he’ll eventually realise I’m not who he thought I was. That I'm not…worth it."

Karen stopped sifting through the dress rack in front of her, and looked up to meet Calina's eyes. "Is there something else you're not telling him?" 

She sounded serious, and ready to do battle for her friend, so Calina rushed to reassure her. "No! Everything's out in the open between us. I mean, he doesn't know my complete life story-"

Karen scoffed. "He doesn't need to. He's not entitled to every moment from your life before you guys met. As long as you're honest about the big things."

"I am. Now," she added, with a slight wince.

Karen shrugged. "Well, then, you shouldn't worry."

"But all the lies I told-"

"Were probably matched by the lies he told you. Unless he introduced himself as Daredevil the moment you met."

"No, of course not."

"Matt's not a saint when it comes to honesty in relationships. Don't put him on some pedestal."

The irony of that statement was not lost on Calina - she'd beseeched Matt to not put her on a pedestal earlier in their relationship. Was she now guilty of the same thing?

"Matt doesn't trust easily," Karen continued. "I'm sure he's told you why."

"He told me that he's been betrayed and lied to a lot. By his old mentor, Elektra, his mother."

"He told you about his mother?"

"Yes."

Karen suddenly smiled, her earlier concern gone. "That just proves how much he trusts you. And even if you broke that trust once, the fact that he's still with you - and desperately wants to make it work with you - should tell you how much he loves you. Concentrate on that, not your past mistakes."

Calina nodded, knowing that it was good advice. She just didn't know how well she'd be able to follow it. As she'd learned over the past few months, her self-esteem issues ran deep. 

"Thank you," she told the other woman. "And I’m sorry for offloading all that onto you. You just came to help me pick out an outfit, not act as my therapist."

Karen shrugged. "This is what girlfriends are for - shopping and relationship advice. Or so I gather. I’ve never really had female friends."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I lost my mom when I was younger, and since then, all the people of consequence in my life have been men. My Dad. My brother. And then Foggy and Matt. Ben. David, of course. And even Frank."

“Matt mentioned Ben to me. The journalist, right? But who’s Frank?”

Karen laughed. “Frank…is Frank. And the story of Frank is a long, and violent one. Probably best told over wine and cocktails and not in front of $500 dresses.”

Calina laughed. “I look forward to hearing it. And to the drinking. That sounds like fun.”

“It’s a date.” Karen re-focussed on the clothes in front of her. “But lets get you sorted out for tonight’s adventure first.” She held up yet another option. “What do you think of florals?”

———

She didn’t go for florals. Or ruffles. Or a bold colour. 

In the end, the perfect dress was found by touch.

“Are you sure?” Karen asked when Calina unearthed the dress from the sale section. “Its more of an autumn dress than a spring one - that’s why its reduced. It’s quite…muted.”

It was muted - in both colour and style. Just a knee length, one-shouldered, cocktail dress. There was some draping in the back that left a lot of her skin exposed, meaning there was some interest to the design...but overall it was quite simple.

Classy and chic and simple.

Which, Calina discovered, appeared to be her style.

The main selling point, though, was the fabric. A sumptuous, luxurious velvet, which she knew Matt would love. He wouldn’t see the colour, or the silhouette, but he’d feel the dress against her skin. And that was the most important thing.

She explained her reasoning to Karen, and the other woman smiled. “The feminist in me would usually advise you to dress for yourself, not for a man…but I think an exception can be made in this case.”

Calina smiled, then headed for the register to pay for the dress.

She admired it now - hours later - in the full length mirror of her bedroom, twisting to check the fit in the back. Strappy heels adorned her feet and a couple of simple gold bangles dangled from her wrist, completing the look.

She was ready. 

For her date.

Calina smoothed her hands over the front of her dress and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nervous.

Which was ridiculous. She’d been with Matt for months now. They’d slept together. Confessed their love. Survived crucible after crucible.

A first date was nothing compared to all that.

But still…the nerves persisted.

Or maybe it wasn’t nerves. Maybe it was just anticipation. A bubbling, fluttery kind of excitement that she’d never felt before. 

She nearly exploded with that emotion when a soft rap sounded at the door. She skipped across the living room - as fast as the heels and the skirt of the dress would allow - and pulled open the door.

“Hi,” she said, greeting the man standing in the hallway.

He looked amazing.

To be fair, he always looked good in a suit - his office attire emphasised his trim figure and broad shoulders almost as well as his red Daredevil costume. But there was something different about this suit. It was deep black in colour and seemed tailored to every line of his body. The crisp white shirt looked expensive, and the narrow black tie was modern and chic.

And the ever-present red glasses made him look cool as hell.

“You look so handsome,” she breathed.

He smiled and leaned in to brush his lips across her cheek. “Thank you.” He lingered against her skin, breathing deeply. “You smell amazing. As always.”

He stepped back, and offered her the roses he held in one hand - it said a lot about how good he looked that she hadn’t even noticed the bouquet.

“Thank you,” she said, taking the beautiful blood red stems. “I always love it when you bring me flowers.”

“I’ve only done it once before,” he replied, referencing the solitary blossom he’d once carried across the rooftops of the city.

She shrugged. “I still love it.” She carried the roses over to the kitchen and started hunting for a suitable container to put them in.

“Then I’ll have to do it more often.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she replied quickly. “I wasn’t dropping hints or anything.”

He chuckled. “I know, sweetheart.”

She reached up to the cupboard over the fridge, her fingers grasping for the mason jar on the top shelf. She went on to her tip toes, struggling to reach the glass.

“Need help?” Matt asked from behind her.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “With me in these heels, we’re actually the same height. So unless you want to give me a boost…?”

He laughed again. “Why don’t you just put the flowers in a mug, and we can sort it out later. We need to get going or we’ll miss our reservation.”

Calina came down from her toes and stepped back, bumping into Matt. He grabbed her waist to steady her, his fingers clutching at the velvety material of her dress. Even when she regained her balance, he kept his hands on her, running his palms slowly down her sides.

“This feels nice,” he murmured, exploring more of the dress. He dropped his head to press a kiss to her neck, bared by the loose bun holding her hair up. His hands came around her front, over her stomach and up to her breasts. “This feels very nice.”

She smiled, glad that she’d chosen the right dress, and tilted her head to give him better access. His hands traced the shape of the garment, sweeping over her shoulders and down her back. He caressed her bare skin, sending shivers of delight down her spine. “Very nice,” he repeated.

“That’s not the dress,” she smirked.

“It isn’t?” he asked, his voice a rumbling whisper against her skin. “Feels just as soft.”

She laughed and stepped away from him. “Very smooth, Counsellor. But I thought we had to leave?”

He grabbed her hand, tried to pull her back into his arms. “We can be late.”

She laughed. “I don’t want to be late - I want to see where we’re going. I’ve been curious all day!”

Her curiosity had to wait another twenty minutes. By the time they’d hailed a cab and battled through the traffic on 48th street, it was close to 8pm by the time they made it to the top of Rockefellar plaza.

But it was worth it.

When she stepped foot in the Rainbow Room, her breath was taken away. It was a spacious room, filled with white linen-covered tables, most of which were occupied by women in gorgeous dresses and men in sharp suits. The tables were arranged around a hardwood floor inlaid with a large star in dark mahogany, and a band of musicians in white tuxedos played a slow jazzy tune on the raised dais.

Despite the size of the room, the atmosphere was intimate. Romantic. White lilies formed centrepieces on each table, and the soft flickering light from dozens of candles glinted off the crystals of the chandelier overhead.

Best of all, the nightscape of New York was visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows lining the room. The empire state building loomed large, its top floors illuminated in hues of green and blue and the spire a beacon of white light.

The whole scene was…magical.

It was the perfect venue for the perfect first date.

————–

Chapter 16

If you want to see pics of the dress and the venue, check out the reference post (link in the blurb at the top).

Tag list: @hollandorks @stilldreaming666 @sio-ina-bottle @tearoseart-blog @acharliecoxedfan @freckledbabyyy

If you’d like to be added - let me know!

[heybaetae]

i have no one to talk about it and you're always so open, so i'm just really getting this out of my chest, you don't need to answer if you don't want to

I'm so sad, i've been crying a lot every day since the announcement came. this was so unexpected (at least for me) and there was no time to emotionally prepare too... there were articles coming out before saying that all of them would have enlisted by december, but it was never confirmed by the members themselves, so i still had my doubts. then, out of nowhere, "hello, 4 members are enlisting at once"

they are working so much and you couldn't tell if this or that was gonna be released in 2024 or still this year. and then i thought "well, i have to prepare myself for the end of december", since there are usually between 40 or 50 days with them after the notice by bighit. if what kmedia said is true, they are leaving in less than two weeks

i feel broken and so empty, i'm so scared of my future, next year i'll go through so many changes and i never take changes easily, i always suffer so much untill i get used to something, and now... not having the only constant i've been used to have in my life..there is no time to process. it was different with jin because he was here for more than a month before he left, it was also obvious that yoongi was leaving after his tour and hobi... :/ i'm devasted

i'm gonna cry so much with this upcoming documentary, i thought that the ptd DVD would cheer me up, but i've just been feeling more weird and sad :( i laugh in the funny scenes, but there's this sadness behind it. and my bias is jungkook... his lives :( i've been asking myself if he would do a "goodbye live".. if he decides to do it, i really really really don't wanna lose it :( i already miss him so much and he's not even gone yet

i’m sorry hun. i think everyone is in the same boat emotionally about the shorter notice compared to the previous enlistments. i’m not really gonna acknowledge what is being spread around by the media rn because the same thing happened with jin and he wasn’t thrilled about that information being made public, but i’ll say it’s okay and valid to feel everything you’re feeling and to have hoped we’d have a little more time than what the reality seems to be.

i really hope next year goes smoothly for you and that you adjust as comfortably as you can to whatever your new normal is going to be in your personal life and your life alongside bts during their absence.

luckily, it‘s quite clear that they’ve each prepared things for us to release after they’re gone and while i value their safety and well-being so much more than having any content during this, it’s extremely generous of them. not only for three of those members to have seemingly held off on their enlistments until the youngest released his album and was done promoting it so they could all go at once, but for them all to have used that time to work on things to keep us entertained once they did. i don’t think it’ll feel like your constant will be completely gone, they’ve made sure of it. we’re so lucky they care about us enough to plan ahead, create new stuff to enjoy in the meantime, and to time it perfectly so they’re back on the literal day before their anniversary in 2025. you really don’t get sappier than that lol.

also on the topic of whatever content that comes out in the coming months/year (i’m sure they’ll spread it out), if you think it’ll make you too sad to watch, it’s not going anywhere and it’ll be ready for you whenever you need it. weverse posts and occasional instagram posts will be a thing. it will absolutely suck losing jungkook’s lives, but i know he’ll make the most of his social media time in other ways at every opportunity he gets and those moments of communication will feel all the more special.

feel all your feelings, let them out however you need. but remember that you’re not alone in your emotions too and you can reach out to any of us here at any time. if you need to log off on the actual day, definitely to. focus on you, do something fun, find something that’ll take your mind off of it. all of this is temporary and it’ll go by fast. we just have to take it day by day. 💜

[artemisia--hq]

Hi, i hope you're doing great! I just read the first part of Playing with fire and absolutely lovedddd it. I was wondering if you were planning on finishing this story or if you've moved on to other stuff? :)

Hi!

First things first, I am so glad you found delight in one of my works ☺️

I’m gonna interpret this at face value and assume you’ve only read the 1st part, then I’m happy to inform you that the 2nd part is also posted ☺️

The 3rd and final part is still on the developing stage, i.e. still piecing together my disjointed ideas into coherent ones, so it might take a while for me to actually put it into writing. I did not have the luxury of time the past year as a I am in med school rendering my clerkship with a 32-hour shift 3x a week. Exhaustion and stress kill creativity, too, so…there’s that.

I am on vacation right now so I can set aside some time to work on it, but I also have other plans and personal stuff that needs tending. I do not want to rush things either. That said, I can’t give a definite date on when I’ll be able to put out the next part.

For the meantime, you can check out my other works. I did release one shots over the past months 😉🩷

[goomother]

hi!! i have a lot i should be doing right now but i would much rather talk to you. today was lovely. i went to church with my boyfriend (we’ll touch on that later) and his parents, then got brunch with them. it was my first time at this church, and i quite liked it, though i was anxious about his parents next to us. i always think about how my life used to be when im at church: how i should have killed myself by now if i was loyal to my old plans, how much ive abused myself, and how all the terrible stuff ive gone through led to me, in that chair, in that church, next to people i love. it is hard for me to not think about how different eveyrhring would be if any of my attempts worked& i am so glad they didn’t

anyway. then i went to do homework with my boyfriend (YAYYY) and it was fine but the cafe was awful loud and i cried haha… i did get all but one assignment done though, so i am quite proud of myself. spring break was much too short for me & i didn’t even work during it so im feeling a little sad. i need a full vacation

and now i must clean my room. i must do the final assignment and take off this bra and plan my week and rejoice in my life

before i go, though, a note on my love life: i was single for less than a week but i hated that week. i woke up, as i said earlier, with a yearning that felt like death & texting several men back in my phone pretending to like any one of them was just about killing me. i am thankful i was single, though. i’m thankful to get to know new people and be on a dating app and go out on more dates. with that being said, e asked me out again and i am in love and i don’t want to try again with anyone else. i am definitely a little unstable in my connection to him now (literally waiting for him to leave again and soaking in each second i get because i feel i will annoy him&lose him again…) but its nice to feel loved again. he sent me a goodnight text last night which i hadn’t really gotten much of for the last half of a year and i got so excited i bounded about my front yard. oh, and this afternoon he called me out of the blue & i woke up from my nap to his sweet voice and words about motorcycle diagnostics and it has been absolutle ages since he just called me for a few minutes. so i’m feeling hopeful. i did unfortunately split on him the day before he asked me to be his again so i am trying to unlearn all this anger and hostility, but in the meantime, he’s keeping those feelings at bay.

[astrxthesiai]

How I run my blog

Speed: Low to med activity, no in between.  It might take me months to reply or it might take me only a week.  It really depends but I do get back to you.  I am currently low activity as I’m doing some blog maintenance and spring cleaning for my blog for the next few months.

Replies: It might take me months or it might take me only a week. I do brainstorm a story with a friend off-tumblr, hang out with friends on discord, have DnD maybe once or twice a week, I draw, write, watch and read stuff.  And there is the adult stuff.  I will wait however long I can wait.  I do wait for a few weeks for a follow back before I unfollow and move on with my life.  You do not have to match my length, but I do like more than one-liners in serious roleplays.

Starters: I do not do greeter starters anymore, because I felt they do not go anywhere.  You want me to do a starter, please say so in any discussion?  I prefer to wing certain things, and plan later.  Other times, I do like to plan, but I do have some characters planned out while other characters are not planned?  If that makes sense?  I jot down notes and review what is said in the conversation after planning.  Maybe three to five times before I write the starter.  I am also very shy with starter calls, and a deer in the headlights at first.  I do have a period of warming up to people.  Some are longer than others.  This year, I plan on sending more asks than I did last year.

Inbox: Send a meme in or an unprompted.  I will love you.  That is the easiest way to get me to warm up to you.  You are not bothering me and I just take my sweet time answering them.  I am terrible at trying to stay on top of birthdays, and this includes my own muses, so give me a kick ooc all “Oh it’s my muse’s birthday next week, did your muse get anything for them?”  Awesome, cool, and yes my muse has something for your muse’ birthday.  If my muse does not quite know yours, they will give them a greeting anyway if they are acquainted with them in some fashion.

If you don’t see a biography yet, please ask me for headcanons on a character.

Selectivity: I am selective and mutuals’ only.  If I am following you, I am interested, unless Tumblr decided I should unfollow you for some reason.  As a mutual, you can always ask for my discord.  Maybe we’ll fool around there with our muses before narrowing ideas down.  I am silly and anxious at first.  Sometimes dead silent.  I am excited you want to talk to me to be frank.

I mostly write OCs, so please also write with them alongside any canon muses I pick up on the side of the road.

Wishlist: Working on one, but I’d like to write and plan certain ships and friendships again.  Maybe revitalize things since I’m writing with different portrayals of characters now.  You don’t have to accept what I put down in the wishlist.  If you do, that’s really, really cool as well.

For shipping, I mostly write m/f, nb/nb, nb/f, nb/m, and f/f.  I’ll mostly write oc x oc m/m than canon/canon m/m.  AshEiji was a lucky pairing I really enjoyed.  We need chemistry I suppose.  So, let’s start poking each other with sticks in the meantime.  Yes, yes?

Honest Note: o_o poke me with a stick, even if it means hello.  Viciousbite or Val tends to poke me with a virtual knife.  But yeah, we muns can regenerate in virtual and meta.  Did you know that?

Tagged: stolen

Tagging: If you see this and you want to do this, I’m tagging you.

[ladyazulina]

Azu is Talking - Quickly Passing By

I can’t believe how busy I have been this week.

After the first post that started all this, I found it easier for my mental health that, instead of sitting down on Sunday to write all this recap, having to go through my calendars to try to remember what I did, how, and when, I would just slip a little daily update if my schedule lets me. Not even religiously daily, every two days also have worked.

It didn’t this week.

I was finally able to sit down to do something of the like without feeling rushed or breathless for the first time on Thursday. Almost the whole week passed already. And that annoyed me and overwhelmed me in equal parts.

You may not understand. I’m not used to being busy. Having to cancel stuff or reschedule or just right away forgetting something that was on my mind but not on my task list yet is a new experience. Until really recently, I spent most of my time idling by, roleplaying, or waiting for my turn to roleplay. Even before my life drastically changed, I was just starting to feel the need for more time to do my stuff, but not in this way.

Thematically categorizing my days is really doing things…

There is something I don’t like about it though. If I miss one day for whatever reason, I will have to wait until the next week to continue. Yeah, that may help me to organize myself, locate what is priority, and how to plan the way to tackle it, but it slightly annoys me. When I have power outages, for example, which happened A LOT this week alone.

There’s nothing I can realistically do about that, I’m aware of it, but it doesn’t make it less bothersome.

Also, just until now I have been religiously tackling my thematic tasks first, even though I may have tasks outside of it that are more… priority, like my [REDACTED] adventure and the editing projects I’m into. So far I have been starting the day with one small part to edit those projects, passing then to the thematic tasks, but once the dynamic fell through one day, I just continued with my previous order by inertia. And the power outages are a great help to throw me out of my carefully crafted routine.

I started the week great, for once, still volunteering at Actual Plays and charity events because it feels good, hoping to be able to participate in future opportunities. I also took some space last week to reorganize stuff on my Tumblr; you can take a look if you’re interested, I’ll do my best to keep it up to date.

I’ve been making swift progress with the ARC I’m currently reading, for small times, which is unlike me, I used to read a minimum of an hour, but I’m trying to not turn that precious reading moment into a chore. It has been fun, even though I’m slightly sad I haven’t felt great enough to write down my thought process during the reading; it’s something I have been wanting to implement for my Patreon, but that is something that could turn reading into a chore pretty quickly…

So, on Creative Monday, it took me some time to settle back into my game, but I did not continue with what I’m missing to end it. I’m still half-stuck, and blank, and not completely sure about how I will go through it, but in the meantime, I’m creating the lore around the game (really important, at least to me). In the amount of time I didn’t have power during a power outage on Tuesday, I satisfied the urgent need to draw a map. It’s the very second I have made so far, so I’m not that good at it, but I’m interested in learning. After deciding all my stories will share the same universe (the Azuverse 💙✨), my subconscious has been hard at work. The map is from the game age (some way back in the past), so I still have to ponder what it looks like in the present time of my novels, but details of those appeared during the drawing session. I was heavily creative during a big part of Tuesday, which is an example of states not being closely tied to their thematic days. I mean, of course.

On Review Tuesday, after easing out of the creative state, I went right to work.

Read last week’s review, Upon a Waking Dream.

In between posting last week’s and this week’s reviews, I scheduled a Linney’s campaign post. I wanted to do this twice to be a full month ahead but, to start with, I ended pretty late and was growing pretty fed up and done with things.

There’s nothing like getting angsty to spice things up.

The power outage and the unplanned creative session threw me out of my flow, so everything else was a bit uncomfortable. I was glad and grateful enough that I got myself “up to date” with the reviews—not that there is someone else but me pressuring me this way. I could have kept it only one per week, real-life stuff will always happen and interrupt and not because of that I have to drag myself through the floor…

Read this week’s review, A Rival Most Vial.

But… I guess I wanted to show myself something, I don’t know. I have to learn to be flexible enough with myself as well. Nothing is set in stone. If there is something that can’t happen for any reason, I should be able to reschedule it, move it to another day, or just right away take it down until the next week, without the added weight of also having to accomplish that next week’s task.

I’m still learning. Every day is a new lesson.

Iron Valley, Linney's Campaign, is being live every Tuesday.

I’m about to finish scheduling everything I have on Linney’s campaign and soon will start putting into the schedule my personal campaign on Iron Valley. The first day with Linney is not finished yet, and I may or may not be up to continue playing there, it’s something to look at later on. I would love to just because of Chase—have you met him yet?

On Working Wednesday, I had an Outside World Adventure ✨ (I should get back to those…) I mean, I already let you know I’m trying to get my passport, so I had to go out in an attempt to convince my sister with food to go put the money in her bank account ‘cause I still don’t have one so I can pay for the passport procedure. And we did it! I’m still fighting to get the photos done, something I thought I had but they (the site’s staff) aren’t satisfied with the ones I had at ready, so I need new photos. This has brought me so much stress and anger, I barely recognize myself (a lot of family drama and issues as well with which I will probably bore you some other week).

I did work on my thematic task: translating the second workshop. That was everything I was able to do, tired and mentally exhausted, so I’m expecting to be able to upload the workshops for real this time next week. I will be opening Patreon tiers that will work as groups for one-on-one writing coaching, to accompany you during your writing process. It will be fun, but I’m still thinking if the slots should be fewer than I thought at first, so I can get accustomed to it without getting overwhelmed, and expect to increase them with time. More on this next week, hopefully 🤞🏼

Also, with my partner, we started taking ASL classes. I’ve been trying to learn for years, but without someone to practice with, it’s hard to keep the knowledge. Due to my hearing loss, and some other stuff, I’m really interested, to the point of turning ASL into my main language. A long way to go, but I have to start somewhere, and we just did! So exciting! (This one is a very widely known sign, do you know what it means? 🤟🏼)

On Backstage Thursday, I spent a lot of time going back and forth with the passport site’s staff, but I reached a compromise. After getting mad like three times in a row (just when I got to relax, something –or someone– threw me back into the anger fit again… there was no respite). If I don’t get the new photos on Monday, taking advantage I have to go out for college, I should be exclusively going to a studio on Tuesday—of course, all that if my partner doesn’t convince me to try his method today, he’s keener to finish with this than me. I would have tried it earlier if I hadn’t been that mad. I need to get out of that headspace without it backfiring each time I think about it to be able to progress on it. I needed to take it out of my mind for a few days.

The power outage that day was less felt because I needed to cool down, which was easier to do offline. However, when it was back, and after the fourth anger fit, I went to work on my task. I wanted to do more stuff (get into the [REDACTED] adventure for once, not much time left and still lots to do), but time hasn’t been on my side. The power neither. I believe that with a little bit of priority organization, my current routine will be a blast. I just need to reel myself in. Yeah, easy. Peachy.

Secret Friday, though, was… a weird day. For a great part of it, I felt like I was drowning without a clear reason as to why. I’m grateful I have people I can talk with about whatever, but the timing wasn’t right—they were all busy with something or in such a good mood for me to bring them down. I know my people would rather know than be kept in the dark while I’m suffering, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it, so I drowned for a while.

Working on the secret stuff was hard ‘cause it’s an emotional activity and I was definitely in the wrong mood. I didn’t want to ruin it because of it but, at the same time, I didn’t want to miss it. Not much time is left for both finishing that particular thing and the day in question, it wasn’t the time to skip it. But neither was the correct feeling.

I got to topple it over, fortunately. I finished this week’s section feeling somewhat satisfied (I can always –and I will– check it out next week to confirm it), and when people went back into my orbit, I wasn’t so mood-driven. (Things are still bothering me, though, but I can’t say what it was that upset me, as if I don’t know how to even phrase it to start with. So I don’t feel like I can even talk about it… yet? Anymore? I guess I will see.)

I hurt myself during the coffee break though, which wasn’t fun. I’m wearing a burnt mark in a sensible and uncomfortable place (my breast, don’t- don’t ask about it) and the only thing I can do is just deal with it. I swear I’m trying to be careful, but stuff just goes out of hand. I’m not a particularly lucky girl anyway. But, after spending a small amount of time with my partner, I got to progress something with the [REDACTED] adventure.

I still have a way to go, but the word count is looking good. I’m not confident I will reach it with everything I had before, but I still haven’t finished accommodating things to even throw an estimate. It’s sounding nice and smooth, which is the goal, so I’m content with the small progress.

(I’m more than content with the sweet time I shared with my partner right before going to sleep—the sort of stuff I want to follow more often, not only with my partner but also with everyone else I love.)

Playful Saturday was playful but not in the way I had expected. As the week went by with less time to juggle extra things, I couldn’t find a space to write to the solo game’s creator and let them know my (excited) thoughts. This day was the day for it, but it went by as the usual weekends used to go.

I didn’t even get to read in the morning, less so do a small edit. I spent time with my partner though, and my lovely friends. I went to sit next to my mom for a while, and occasionally do chores. I wrote something that sparked out of nowhere about one of my novel projects and spent some time musing and worldbuilding. Before I was able to notice, it was already getting dark and I hadn’t started any of the day’s tasks.

There is not much use in crying over spilled milk. I guess I needed the breaks more than I could comprehend. So I took them without fighting. I’m a firm believer that everything falls into place as time goes by and that if something doesn’t feel like fitting it’s because that is not its place yet. It’s hard to know where it goes then, but you shouldn’t have to fight that much for it. It just fits like a puzzle piece. So I’m not fighting. I still have the tasks in the schedule, getting to them it’s just a matter of time.

[blog-reflection]

ONE / Thirty Three - What If?

What the actual fuck am I suppost to do?

I am screwed. I noticed that while being at Royal Holloway I have missed over eight messages from Ethan. It was just the casual stuff and, to be host, he’s been texting me cute stuff all the time by now but how shity does it look if I didn’t even respond on the same day. Not gonna lie I feel terrible for not releasing that. In reality, my brain is just a massive messed up pile of whatever a brain is made of. The investigation that happened truly bounced my mind off of anything related to my real life, to my friends, to Ethan. I don’t even know what I am supposed to do with Jesse to be honest. I get Lucia and honestly she is right. I just can’t stand to be the one who, yet again, falls head over heels for a guy I don’t even know. Don’t get me wrong, Ethan and I have been chatting quite a bit but we only have seen each other on the day we met. We didn’t go on a date, we haven’t talked properly. Heck I didn’t even manage to visit him at work to fetch a coffee. Nothing. And the next time we will see each other we will already have our first date. 

I honestly don’t know if I’m too fast with anything. I feel like I kind of act as long as the feelings are there. What if the feels for him linger off? What if Ethan finds another one and completely forgets about me because I’m so shitty in terms of answering? What if I bore him? What if…there are so many what if’s in my head right now if I’m completely honest. I just… I guess I’m just afraid of getting close to someone considering my last relationship. I only ever had one, but that was already enough. After that one I decided that a relationship isn't the thing for me. I installed grindr and went more for casual meet ups with any stranger who was close and hot enough to spend time with. I met a cool dude but that was it. Most of the people were one time only things and I say as it is, I’m not ashamed of it. Many, including Jesse, would’ve called me a whore just because I had some time with so many guys. In reality, I enjoy nothing out of it. 

But let's get back to the topic. Ethan. I decided to answer, asking him about his week and how he is feeling about the ice rink situation this weekend. I just wanted to make sure he’s really up for it. Judging by the time he should still be at work, I guess I just have to wait for him to reply to my message. In the meantime, I browsed to the other chats I had. 

Lucia had, again, asked me if I already messaged Jesse about how I am in love with Ethan and what the news is. Gosh sometimes I hate when people enter my life for so much attention like piss off I am not that interested that your mind has to be constantly running around me.

The group chat of Jesse and Petal had dozens of messages, but since I wasn’t pinged somewhere I just left it and waited till they would ping me. To be honest I am kind of really hyped to meet petal. I was thinking about having some time with her while Ethan would get to know Jesse. I mean I told Ethan alot about Jesse but not the other way around. I just really hope that the plan will work out the way I have it in my mind. I mean sure I can never be 100 percent sure but I just hope it all works out.

Nonetheless, the ice rink seems really cool. It opened a while ago in Brighton but I was yet not able to actually get a good look at the place. Tickets have been booked out so fast, it was already hard for Petal to get ours. I just hope it's not too full so you don’t bump into strangers time and time again. I literally only want to spend some time with Ethan. 

Even better, Petal already agreed on coming to my place so the two of us could have an awesome sleepover. We asked Jesse to but they are kinda busy with their studies since they have to hand in an essay before monday and apparently they are running really really late. I asked Lucia if she had to write an essay like that too but she didn’t. Maybe it’s some extra work or simply because Lucia and Jesse have different curses. Actually, I think that might be the reason. Nonetheless I couldn’t care less about any of that. This is the exact reason why I could never have studied. I just think learning and writing so much knowledge isn’t really for me yet I am in my room typing an essay or blog to keep ya’ll updated on my life with, honestly isn’t even that special to begin with. 

Alright, I got away from my PC since Sarah called for dinner. She made some pasta which was delicious as hell. She also got some white wine along with the food so we spent the evening really chilled out, just the two of us drinking wine and eating pasta. After dinner we both sat at the sofa and watched an old movie till both of us fell asleep.

Looking back at it, today has been a blast and a lot of socialising. I think I need that. Nonetheless I am more than happy about the next few days. Soon Ethan and I will have our first date.

I hope everything goes swell. 

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

I’m getting more and more excited about writing code full time at work. I’m sure that won’t last but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it while I can. 😃

I ran into issues getting my git SSH keys to work earlier in the week and while I find that frustrating it was also a nice challenge to fix. I’m up and running and ready to break some stuff! 👍🏼

I hope you enjoy your coffee and the links.

Sarah Burns • The Irish Times

Irish singer Sinéad O’Connor has died at the age of 56, her family has announced.

The 80’s was my era of music and I most certainly remember Nothing compares 2 U, it was a big hit.

The thing that really struck me is, she was 56 years old. As I age my mortality has occupied more of my thoughts than I care to admit, but there you go.

God speed. ❤️

Jacob Zinkula • Business Insider

ChatGPT creator says AI advocates are fooling themselves if they think the technology is only going to be good for workers : ‘Jobs are definitely going to go away’

Emphasis is mine. I’ve not used ChatGPT but we’re pushing into AI hard at WillowTree. It’s such a hot button item at the moment all agencies will have to take it very seriously.

For my daily work I see it as a really smart auto complete. The next evolution in code assistant. It felt like cheating early on but as a developer you still have to validate the output. Did you get valid and good code? It may not work all the time. Yes, it’s fallible but it’s also early days. I am certain I’ll use it at some point to help generate some code.

Give it another 10 years to mature. I’ll be really close to retirement by then and the next next generation can use it to their advantage. 😃

Owen Bellwood • Jalopnik

According to General Motors boss Mary Barra, Chevrolet has backtracked on its plans to completely kill off the Bolt, which has so far seen its sales more than double in 2023. Now, the company is working on a next-generation Bolt, which will join Chevy’s other electric models: the Silverado EV, Blazer EV and Equinox EV.

I found this really encouraging! We need more little EVs in the market and I always thought the Bolt was a nice little car.

Hopefully the next generation gets its fire issues under control.

Oh, the only downside I can think of is Chevy’s insistence on building their entire infotainment system.

Manton Reece

Dave Winer posted a 12-minute audio recording on his blog, addressed to me but applicable to everyone who is creating tools for the social web. Listening to it, I have a bunch of thoughts. In this post, I just want to start with server-to-server ActivityPub, and leave some of the other technologies Dave brings up for later.

Dave Winer has created a bunch of the technologies we rely on everyday in the blogging world; blogs, RSS, and Podcasting delivery. Now he’s trying to unify the mechanism to span posting to multiple social networks and blogging.

Manton Reece is the creator of Micro.blog — the service I use to publish this site — and is into open standards like MetaWeblog and ActivityPub, so much so Micro.Blog is a Fediverse server by federating with Mastodon.

To see these two chatting about putting something together to bride these systems is nice to see. I see what Dave is proposing as the next version of MetaWeblog, perhaps extended to accommodate new blogging and social network norms.

Perhaps Micropub could serve to do this? I’ve not looked into it but it seems like it could be the way to go?

I have my own opinions on the matter and I’m sure I’ll voice them at some point. In the meantime it’s nice to see this happening and I’m going to keep an eye on it. 👀

Robert Reich

Someone who has tried to overthrow the U.S. government cannot be president.

Mr. Reich is point out what may sound obvious at first but what he’s really saying is it shouldn’t take a conviction to eliminate TFG. We all know he tried to overturn a fair and valid election in 2019. We all know he rallied his supporters to storm the Capitol and try to stop the formality of recording the election results.

He doesn’t need to be convicted. He’s a danger to democracy and the rule of law. That’s disqualifying. ⚖️

leboncoin Engineering Blog

I recall how, when I was a junior developer, I often felt happy and reassured when I was writing software. It felt like a safe place compared to the overwhelming complexities of the world. The simple, deterministic functions, mechanical in their way of working, offered comfort. If you inject an input, it always gives the same output. It’s controllable, manageable, uncomplicated!

If you’re good at what you do eventually someone will notice and give you more to do with greater responsibility. Eventually you’ll be mentoring people and more junior developers will naturally look to you for your experience.

It’s not a bad thing. It’s just what happens and isn’t isolated to software engineering. This happens in all fields.

While I enjoy working with Junior folks there’s also this big part of me that’s ready to sit in the corner and just work on features and bugs, and that’s all. A simplified dev life. 😃

Dean Obeidallah

Barbie not only broke box office records, she destroyed the GOP’s Barbie Boycott

Barbie isn’t a film I plan on seeing but it sounds like the GOP is once again up in arms over cultural issues dealt with in the film.

I hope it breaks all the records. 🎬

Tony • arcadeblogger.com

I was visiting my family in the Chicago suburbs recently, when my niece mentioned she saw “some TRON thing” sitting on a curb while she was riding her bike through the neighbourhood.

As a teen I remember well the arcade in Exeter. It was called the Quarter Slot. Ahhh, good times. Anywho, I will never forget the Tron game — not the one mentioned in the article — because there were two guys who spent a crazy amount of time playing it and taking copious notes on how to beat every level.

Yes, those were the days.

James Surowiecki • Fast Company

Threads has one big advantage over Twitter: Zuckerberg understands advertising

If Threads can pull people away from Twitter — I mean, ahem, X — does that help to extinctify the ailing bird?

Who knows. Musk is crazy rich so I’d imagine he can keep it afloat for a very long time.

All I want to know is when will he be selling Twitter.com and for how much? It would make for a great Mastodon instance. 🐘

Ryan Erik King • Jalopnik

The Alpine F1 Team is currently competing at each race weekend with the odds slightly stacked against them. The Renault power unit used by the French factory team is believed to be 30 horsepower behind their rivals. Under normal circumstances, Alpine would be told simply to improve on their own, but there’s currently a freeze on engine development. The FIA, the sport’s governing body, wants to allow Alpine to catch up.

Alpine is kind of what remains of the Renault team and it seems like they’re going backwards.

I’d love to see them move closer to the front of the pack but they continue to be one of the “back of the pack” teams with flashes of brilliance on rare occasion.

Formula One is an extremely tough sport to compete in. Teams with extremely deep pockets can buy great engineering and dedicate huge resources to land their teams in victory lane. It also makes the races really boring. 😃

Here’s hoping Renault is given a chance to fix their horsepower issue ahead of next season. At this point I suppose it doesn’t matter much.

I’m a Haas supporter myself. It’s the only American team on the grid so why not support them? They also have Guenther Steiner who is the most entertaining of all the Principals in F1. 😃

Oh, by the way! Since you’re an American team why not use American built power? I mean, you run Ford motors Stuart Haas Racing, why not work with them on an amazing F1 power unit? I’d love to see that! Don’t let Red Bull be the only team doing it!

Who else is looking forward to the next season of Drive to Survive?

Tim Hardwick • MacRumors

Apple has become the target of a £785 million ($1 billion) class action lawsuit on behalf of over 1,500 developers in the UK over its App Store fees, reports TechCrunch.

Unfortunately this is pocket change for Apple. I don’t make much as a developer of apps for Apple devices but to those who do giving up 15 to 30% of revenue is a big deal.

Even if Apple allow for third party stores or payment processors they’re still going to charge their fee. Might as well keep the App Store as it is and be done with it.

Daring Fireball

Translation From Hostage Code to English of X Corp CEO Linda Yaccarino’s Company-Wide Memo

I mean, if Yaccarino isn’t actually asking for help to get out now I suppose she will be in six months to a year because Space Karen won’t agree with her about something and drive her insane or sack her.

Just let Twitter fade away, sell off the domain, and let’s move forward with the open web.

Janis Mara • berkeleyside.org

Peet’s is widely credited with transforming the industry — after all, the three founders of Starbucks learned much of their craft from founder Alfred Peet — but there’s much more to it than that.

I’d always known Peet’s was a big influence in the coffee world but I had no idea how much of an influence it really was.

This story is a fun read about one employees view from the inside. ☕️