#I’m planning for next week and the stuff to work out in the meantime

[riikasgarbagepile]

Guys i love dnd

It’s so fun

[penkura]

where you belong [2/10]

Summary: As Luffy's big sister, you've viewed it to be your job to see him become King of the Pirates in place of your absent parents, even as you try to find where it is you belong in the world. You never really expected to draw the attention of Trafalgar Law in the process.

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x Fem!reader

Warnings: Discussion of feelings of abandonment, age gap relationship (four years), brief secret relationship, mentions and heavy refences to sex, mentions of alcohol, typical One Piece stuff. Other warnings to be added if needed.

Note: Sorry this has taken so long! I wanted to really progress these two and get some moments between them, so the chapter ended up bigger than planned! Next one is a good one I think. ;) Forgot to mention last time but Reader is going to be described as shorter than Law, and that height difference can be your own interpretation (I'm 5ft tall, these men would tower over me).

I am also FLOORED at how well received the first chapter was and that we've got a taglist for this series, my gosh. You guys are so sweet and wonderful!! If I missed you on the taglist PLEASE let me know and I will add you to the future chapters! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and the beginning of Law and Reader falling for each other!

Taglist:

@pinksaiyans | @sukunas-play-thing | @spiderlily-w1tch-blog | @mineymak | @valen-yamyam16 | @shimmerxc | @luffy0s | @fluffybunnyu | @laws-wife-things | @crmnic

[Ch. 1]

You spend the next week learning more about the Polar Tang and the Heart Pirates themselves, Law taking most of your time to help you get used to things. He's made sure you understand the basic rules of the ship, for his crew, including the boiler suits, and what do in case of certain emergencies. You’re going to be working on your poisons in his office, in case anything happens, he can help you fix it. You’re honestly grateful for the time everyone has taken to help you get your bearings straight and work out where things are. You’ll be sharing a room with Ikkaku, who is so glad to have another girl aboard for as long as you are. She’s already started sharing some gossip with you, pointing out those involved so you knew who was who on top of it all.

Penguin has been extremely kind and helpful, telling you that you’re welcome to join him for night watches once you tell him you spend a lot of time writing during your shifts on the Sunny.

Shachi and Uni both showed you around some of the major maintenance areas, both promising they’d help you learn the most basic things so you can be of help if needed.

You’re about to join Bepo for a quick navigation lesson before their captain calls you, wanting to discuss somethings with you before you got too far away.

Law, although he agreed to letting you stay with him and his crew, still isn’t entirely sure what to do with you. There’s still that strange feeling in his chest when you smile at him, as you thank him for all his help and allowing you to stay, once he brings you to his office again a few days later, and he waves you off.

“You don’t have to thank me constantly.”

“I know,” you smile again and he feels that feeling that’s been hanging around, but Law tries to ignore it, “I’m just…really grateful. I know my being here may be a burden—”

“Not a burden, you’re welcome here. Everyone’s glad you’re staying around for now.”

Hearing that makes you brighten up, as Law starts to question you more about what you do for the Straw Hats, and what you can bring to his crew in the meantime. You list off everything you’ve come to learn about being at sea from being a Straw Hat, Law making mental notes on other things to ask about later.

“Any other special talents we should know about?”

You start to think, pressing a finger to your chin while you do so. Another action Law has to tell himself isn’t cute, before you grin and lean in close to him, quietly speaking.

“I can see the dead.”

Complete silence as Law raises an eyebrow at you as you continue to grin, halfway expecting him to ask for proof. Ask you to tell him about a spirit that might be hanging around the Polar Tang, or around one his crewmembers, but he doesn’t ask anything, eventually returning to a straight face.

“No you can’t.”

“…okay fine, I can’t. It’d be cool though!”

He rolls his eyes, which makes you laugh in return. Law goes to let you out of his office which you oblige by, knowing he’s done talking with you now that you’ve made your joke. He stops you with a hand on your shoulder first, you giving him a questioning look.

“I’ll help you make antidotes for your poisons. But you won’t use my crew as test subjects.”

“Ha! That’s fine, I don’t test on people anyway, just in case. Just give me some fish and I can use those.”

Giving him another grin, you walk ahead saying Bepo was going to show you something next, but Law had rudely interrupted by wanting to know what you could bring to his crew for the next two years. You’ll promise later to make extra batches of antidote for him to keep in his medicine stockpile, while Law watches you hurry down the hall and sighs.

“That’s the wrong way.”

He’s quick to follow you, grabbing your arm and bringing you back the right way, deciding he’ll join you and Bepo for whatever it was you two were discussing next. He wants to ensure you’re being given correct information and know what to do in an emergency, especially so if you need medical attention.

Atta boy, Law.

If you really could see the dead, you’d have noticed the tall, blond man with makeup and a large, black feathered coat pushing Law towards you.

+!+

“We’re approaching a winter island, everyone needs to be ready to disembark for a bit and—”

“A winter island?!”

Your outburst causes Law to stop speaking with a nod at you, and you’re gone to the crew bunks in an instant, followed by Bepo who is just as excited. Law gives a look to Ikkaku and Uni, who you’d been talking to when he came in, and both simply shrug at him. They all briefly noticed a sparkle in your eyes as you ran off, likely to change clothes and get ready to disembark, but none of them knew your intent or real interest in the snow.

It's only when Law catches you by the exit door with Bepo, excitedly talking with the Polar bear mink about what you could do in the snow, all dressed up in your coat, thick pants, boots and gloves. You and Bepo trade ideas back and forth about what to build out of the snow, or if you can get a snowball fight started.

Law hasn’t seen someone so excited for snow in a long time, he thinks not since the last winter with Lami.

Penguin joins you and Bepo by the door next, throwing an arm around your shoulders and giving you a smile.

“What’re you so excited about some snow for?”

“It practically never snows in my home town! I think it snowed maybe twice while Luffy and I lived there? Chopper is from a winter island, so when we were there, it was so exciting!”

“Haha, I’m from the North Blue, so snow is pretty normal up there. Well…the area me and Shachi are from anyway.”

“Ah,” you give a little sigh but smile yourself, “I’m so jealous. What about Trafalgar?”

“That’s…well, kind of different, but we did meet him where we used to live,” looking over his shoulder, Penguin sees Law but leans into whisper, “Probably better if you ask him another time. It’s…a lot…”

Before you have a chance to question it, Law comes up behind Penguin and tells him to go ahead with opening the door, the Polar Tang should be stable enough for you all to leave now. You put that question into the back of your mind for later, instead running out with Bepo as soon as the door opens. The excitement both of you have is almost contagious, as the rest of the Heart Pirates slowly join you outside. While some of them are tasked with scoping out the island, the rest end up with you and Bepo building snowmen for a while, though you and the mink end up making a snow polar bear the best you can even if it looks a little goofy in the end. Some pieces are a little larger than others but you still think it’s cute, even as your companion bows his head apologetically.

“I’m sorry, [Y/N], I made some things a little too big.”

“No, that’s okay, Bepo! It gives it charm, I think he’s cute!”

You reassure Bepo a few times with a smile, before the two of you go to work with others on more snow sculptures. It goes well until you get hit in the face with a snowball, thrown by Hakugan at Shachi who dodged just in time. While it makes you sneeze a bit as you brush the snow off your face, with Bepo and Ikkaku yelling at Hakugan while he shouts apologies and Shachi nearly cackles, it doesn’t upset you at all really. Yeah it kind of hurt to have a snowball hit you in the face, but hey, you mentioned a snowball fight earlier, right?

Crouching down to gather up some snow, you put on a wicked grin and fling the ball at Hakugan yourself, catching him in the back as he turns away while you laugh.

“How about a warning next time?!”

“Yeah, snowball fight!!”

Most everyone joins in, gathering up all the snowballs they could or just throwing loose snow at each other, Law watches from the side, a slight smile on his face. He’s glad everyone can take a bit to relax and enjoy themselves, he’s not sure he’s seen his crew this excited about snow in a long time, even Shachi who grew up in the North Blue. Some of you group up to get an advantage over others, Law turns to ignoring the snowball fight as Penguin and Uni come back with what they found on the island.

All is well until Law is hit in the back of the head with a snowball, keeping himself upright but turning quickly to search through everyone and find who did it as you all quiet down seeing his glare. Not a single person looks him in the eye, but they all point to you, while you cover your mouth with your hand and try to stifle your laughter.

“S-Sorry, Trafalgar,” a giggle escapes you as you glance over to him, “I… I was… hehe… aiming for Penguin… honest!”

“Oh yeah…?” Law’s voice is low, he crouches down to scoop up some snow, locking eyes with you as yours widen and you turn to run, but realize it’s futile when Law uses his Shambles to catch up and grab you, shoving the snow he’d gathered into your coat and making you screech before everyone returns to the snowball fight.

“That’s cruel!!”

“Everyone get Captain, he’s cheating!’

While the rest of the Heart Pirates aim for Law, you and their captain are honed in on each other, trading blows from snowballs for the longest time, your personal goal to knock his hat off as payback for shoving snow down your back. Luckily you’re not the one to hit him hard enough to knock the spotted hat off, but you’re close enough to grab before he does, sticking it on your own head and playing keep away once Law realizes where it’s at.

“Looks good on me, huh, Trafalgar?! I might keep it!”

“The hell you will, that’s mine!”

Once Law catches you, he doesn’t let go until he’s snatched his hat back off your head and returned it to its rightful place, keeping a grip on your arm as he notices the sky starting to get darker. The rest of the crew has settled down, stopping at first to watch you and Law until a new snowfall began.

You forget for a few minutes that Law has a hold of your arm, it’s not uncomfortable, but you feel your heart pick up a bit from it.

“It’s pretty….the snowfall.”

He nods, finally noticing he still has a hold of you and letting go, disappointment flooding you as Law calls for everyone to return to the ship. Tomorrow will be a day in town to restock, you’ll all take off again afterwards.

You volunteer at dinner to make everyone the lavender milk tea that Makino once taught you, most of the crew enjoying it, but you’re especially surprised by Law liking it, even telling you so.

It's the small smile he gives when you thank him that makes you realize you just might be starting to get a crush on him.

+!+

Law knows something is up when you don’t join the rest of the Heart Pirates for a meeting before being let off the ship. He still does his job as captain, giving out duties to everyone so they knew what to do and who would be stocking supplies, who would be checking for wanted posters, and anything he felt needed to be done this time. He’d planned for you to join him on a once around the island to look for anything of interest, but when you don’t show up, he knows something must be wrong.

“Ikkaku-ya,” Law stops your roommate before she gets too far, Ikkaku giving him her full attention, “Where’s [Y/N]-ya?”

“Oh, um…” Ikkaku shuffles from one foot to the next, not fully looking at her captain and that’s what worries him more, until she speaks again, “She isn’t feeling well…she’s not sick so she doesn’t need a check-up but, it might be best to leave her alone today, probably tomorrow too…”

That leads to Law believing your cycle had started, and he chooses not to question it further, lest he or Ikkaku feel embarrassed about the discussion. He decides to leave you be, you’ll probably join them tomorrow for island exploring, most likely with Penguin if he asks you especially. When you do show up for dinner that evening, you’re quieter than usual and Law notices how Penguin and Ikkaku are the ones to talk with you. He can’t hear anything they say, but seeing you at least smile and respond to them is enough for him to think that everything is fine, you’re just not feeling 100% and that makes sense. He’s heard you and Ikkaku complain about cramps and the like the last few months, he already knows the first day is hard for you, so he lets it go. At least you’re out and talking to everyone.

But he knows something is up the next time it happens, not even two weeks later, and it can’t be blamed on your period this time. You don’t show up to a crew meeting, you still aren’t one of his crewmates but you’ve been joining for anything interesting or important, and Law doesn’t let it show that he's a little more worried, so he stops Penguin this time and asks him the same thing, where are you and why didn’t you show up?

Penguin doesn’t fully look at Law, scratching the back of his head as he tries to find the words.

“She…just isn’t up for it today, Cap. Maybe we should let her have the day off…”

Although Law tells Penguin that’s fine, he does go off to find you, the door to your and Ikkaku’s room barely open, but he knocks to make sure you’re not indecent or anything. There’s no answer so he opens the door, not seeing you anywhere, the new assumption being that you’re in the bathroom. He turns his attention there, again knocking on the door.

“[Y/N]-ya, Penguin-ya said you weren’t felling well, are you all right?”

No response, Law furrows his brow and knocks again, saying your name a little louder this time. He swears he hears a small whimper and a sob, and that’s what makes him finally open the bathroom door, simply saying he’s coming in before doing so, but he nearly freezes when he sees you.

Nearly curled up into a ball in the corner, head buried in your arms wrapped around your knees with numerous used tissues and he just knows that if you looked up at him, he’d feel that strange feeling in his chest again, or one of heartbreak, he isn’t entirely sure which one.

Law is not trying to scare you, but when he touches your hand and says your name a third time, it makes you jump and look up at him with wide, tear filled eyes, you feel beyond embarrassed that he’s caught you like this, but it quickly turns to more tears and a bit of anger.

“Are you—”

“Get out! Go away!!” Law barely dodges the box of tissues when you throw it at him, he’s not able to dodge the mascara you toss at his head as you keep yelling at him to leave. He doesn’t really move to leave until you stand up much too quickly and start pushing him out, he’s just surprised at your reaction to him finding you crying. “Leave me alone!!”

Once he’s out the door you almost slam it shut in his face and lock it, Law doesn’t know what to make of this really.

He can handle physical ailments, mental is a little harder for him but he’s working on it for his crew, yet emotional problems are not in his wheel house at all. He doesn’t really know why you’re locked in the bathroom, hiding in a corner crying, but that look on your face gave him an idea. He recognizes it from his own past, after his family and Flevance, then again after Corazon.

It was pure grief that was written on your face, definitely from your still fresh loss of Ace, and Law isn’t sure how to help you.

He doesn’t know if he should help you, you just might turn all your grief inward and ignore any hands held out for help, even from your new friends let alone him.

“Captain? Why are you…oh.”

Ikkaku finds Law still in your room several minutes later, staring at your bathroom door, until he hears her and looks at her, an expression she can’t read on his face.

“How long?”

“A few weeks now,” she sits on the edge of her bed, not looking at Law now, “It happens randomly it seems like, or something reminds her of Ace and sets her off. His birthday is soon, so that might be it right now. Penguin and I promised we wouldn’t let anyone know, so she could grieve alone.”

“Why was it being kept a secret?”

She shrugs a bit, Law isn’t sure he’s going to get many more answers today, but then Ikkaku speaks up again.

“She doesn’t want to burden anyone with her feelings, I guess. She should be fine by dinner, Captain, she just… needs some time.”

While she is correct, and you show up again at dinner looking normal but still with a sadness on your face that he can see, Law wonders if there’s something he can do to help you. Your need to grieve and have that time alone isn’t a bad thing, he won’t deny you that when you need it, but he wants to do something for you, he still doesn’t know you well enough to know that exactly you need, but anything is better than letting you be alone.

He knows all too well how that feels.

When it happens a third time, several weeks later, you don’t show up once again, Law doesn’t even need to look at Penguin or Ikkaku, they won’t meet his eyes anyway. After he lets everyone else go, his next mission is to find you, even though he knows exactly where you are. Law isn’t sure if his plan is going to work, but he wants you to stop hiding away from everyone when you break down. It’s not because he’s angry about it, he just doesn’t want you to continue suffering alone. It’s not good for anyone to do that.

He doesn’t even knock when he gets to your room, but does so when he sees your bathroom door is closed like the last time.

“[Y/N]-ya, I’m coming in.”

“No,” you force back a sob, making sure the door is locked, “Go away!”

“I won’t.”

You haven’t experienced all the abilities Law has at his disposal, but you aren’t that surprised when you see a blue hue, and he’s in the bathroom with you not even a moment later. He’s not phased by you attempting to throw things at him again, even while you yell at him to leave you alone, you don’t need help, you don’t need anyone right now.

You’ve handled things like this by yourself your whole life, why would need help now?

“I don’t need help!”

“I’m not trying to help.”

“Then lea—”

Law doesn’t give you much more room to talk, instead grabbing your wrist and pulling you into a hug, pressing your face into his chest which causes your eyes to widen a bit and tears to flow even more.

“I’m not trying to help,” Law holds you tightly, feeling a just a bit of relief as you slowly wrap your arms around him in return while you return to crying, “but you don’t have to be alone, all right?”

“T-Trafalgar…I…I just—”

“I know, I get it. But,” he knows it’s probably going to sound hypocritical based on his own issues, but Law still feels the need to say it again, “you don’t have to do this alone.”

Law isn’t entirely sure why he’s chosen to let you cry into him, let you grip onto his shirt like he’s the only thing holding you to the earth while you continue to cry and say how it isn’t fair that Ace died, that you lost another brother (he’s going to have to ask about that later, that’s the second time you’ve mentioned it). Maybe it’s because he didn’t have anyone back then, when he lost his own loved ones. It might be that, because he saw a reflection of himself in you the first time he found you hiding away and struggling to handle your grief. While you drag the two of you to the floor, Law simply adjusts to as comfortable a position he can, he’s at least sure you’ll both be there a while. You don’t show any signs of calming any time soon.

Law doesn’t know why he came after you, but once your cries fade to nothing, not even whimpers, he’s relieved to hear you speaking to him without being upset or between sobs of anger and sadness.

“I’m sorry…for crying all over your shirt again…”

“Don’t be. It’ll wash.”

Law strokes your hair a bit while you finally smile, nodding, before he helps you up off the floor. While you wash your face, Law directs you to not worry about helping anyone out with chores or sharing shifts today, he’s already split everything up among his crew, you’re under strict orders from the doctor to rest and recover from your breakdown. He does offer to bring you something to eat and drink, which you take him up on, stopping him before he fully leaves your room.

“Thank you…Law, I appreciate this…”

He’s completely aware that’s the first time you’ve used his first name, and he notices a different feeling in his chest. It’s not the same, almost heart squeeze he’s felt before, but something more comforting. Warm almost, and he’s starting to get it more.

“You’re welcome, [Y/N]-ya.”

Ah, that’s what it is…

Law realizes he’s starting to have feelings for you, though he decides to push them down for now.

He’s not going to use your weakened emotional state to push himself further into your life, not when he doesn’t even know if he’s okay with these feelings or not. For now, he’s going to do what he said and bring you some lunch, he’ll deal with these feelings later.

It is nice to hear you call him by his given name though.

+!+

“You’re as reckless as your brother.”

You giggle a bit while Law continues to wrap bandages around your arm, shooting you a small glare while you laugh. He’s not amused, mostly because it was him you’d tried to protect and ended up getting hurt over. You shoved him out of the way of an enemy attack, receiving a deep slice across your own arm instead. Once he realized what happened, Law was furious with you, even though he knows you aren’t part of his crew, it didn’t change the fact he was trying to protect you for Luffy while your crew was apart. You were lucky, he’d told you after he forced you to the infirmary, that your attacker’s weapon didn’t have any poison on it. You’d probably be dead before he even got you there if it had been.

You just grinned and said it was the opposite, your attacker was lucky your knife didn’t have poison on it, or he’d be in worse shape than he already was from your perfect aim hitting him between the shoulders. It doesn’t cause Law any relief to hear that, he still glares and it makes you start to shrink away, averting your gaze elsewhere.

You two still don’t know each other very well, it’s only been a few months since Luffy tossed you to him as the Heart Pirates left Amazon Lily. Still, you’ve found Law is fiercely protective of his crew, his family, just as you are with the Straw Hats, and while you’re with them, you count as one of his crewmembers.

The feelings you’ve started to develop for him don’t help much, Ikkaku being the only one who knows since you’ve told her how distraught you feel over it.

How could you start falling for a rival pirate captain? It’s only a crush but it makes you feel like you’re betraying your crew sometimes.

“Law, I’m fi—”

“And what if you weren’t?” He’s nearly grinding his teeth and ties off your bandage a little tighter than he intended, making you take a sharp breath. “What would you want me to tell your brother?”

You shrug, starting to play with the end of the bandages to distract yourself from him. “Could just tell him I protected you.”

“I don’t need you to protect me,” you jump when Law slams down the scissors on the metal plate, keeping his back to you so you don’t see how upset he really is, “My crew knows I don’t need it. They know to run if a battle might cost them their lives. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because I do this for my crewmates, too. I’ve even pushed Zoro and Sanji out of the way. I’m sorry if you don’t like it but—”

“Sorry wouldn’t bring you back from the dead.”

You both become silent, you taking a deep breath and holding it for a moment before nodding and biting your lip.

“You’re right…that’s why Ace isn’t back.”

“Hey, I didn’t—”

“Thanks for bandaging me up, Trafalgar,” Law turns around just as you jump off the table, going to leave, “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Law watches you leave, letting out a frustrated sigh once you’re gone. He really hadn’t meant to upset you, it just came out, but it was also the truth. What good was ‘sorry’ if you had died and he had to tell Luffy that he'd lost another sibling, this time a blood related one? He didn’t want to have to deal with that, not when you and Luffy were still getting over Ace’s death.

He gets it, he really does, that pain doesn’t go away quickly, no matter how many false smiles you give to him or the others, or how often you laugh with them. No matter how many times he finds you crying the bathroom over you grief. It hasn’t been that long, he doesn’t expect you to be whatever is normal for you so soon. He probably shouldn’t be berating you, you’re not part of his crew so he doesn’t have the right, Law isn’t your captain.

But, you’re under his care for two years, you’re a temporary member of his crew, so you should listen to him. You’re proving to be as stubborn as Luffy is, but also just as protective as Law is.

And your progress with him, ugh. You’d finally gotten comfortable enough to call him by his first name, and now you’re back to calling him Trafalgar instead. Seven months of progress down the drain all because he was concerned, worried about you being reckless.

…why am I so worried though?

He could easily chalk it up to the fact you’re Luffy’s sister and he’s trying to protect you until you’re back with your crew, or he could even say its because of the feelings he’s developed for you, but Law doesn’t want to get into that right now.

Neither of you speak until dinner, when you run into each other right outside the kitchen and start a back and forth about who should go in first.

“You’re the captain, sir.”

“Ladies first, miss.”

You don’t like being formal, or hearing him call you ‘miss’, but you don’t want to fight about it. Not when his crew can hear and might be concerned about it.

“Crew shouldn’t eat without their captain there.”

“We don’t have that rule around here.”

Eventually you relent and go first, getting your food and taking the first free seat by Ikkaku, Law sitting beside you a moment later. You don’t talk to each other the whole time, you focus on your conversation with Ikkaku while Law responds to anyone speaking to him. You barely even notice when Law takes the roll he really didn’t want to have on his plate, and moves it to yours, almost like a peace offering that you two are okay, he’s not mad at you for trying to protect him anymore. You do give him a smile when you notice, which he returns with a nod before leaving for his room.

You sigh a bit, looking back to your plate and keeping your smile to yourself.

Things will be okay.

+!+

Over the last nearly ten months, Law has learned a few of your quirks. When you work on your poisons, you mark things three times over to ensure you have the correct amounts listed, you almost always strike up conversation with him about anything that comes to mind, even if Law doesn’t answer you.

Sometimes he’s caught you biting your pencil or pen while making notes, it’s one of your cuter quirks.

On nights you can’t sleep, like tonight, he can easily find you in the kitchen, brewing up some tea to help you fall asleep, and that’s where Law decides he has to talk to you. You’ve both moved past your argument from a few months ago, it’s like it never happened now, but he feels the need to speak with you about something important.

No, not his feelings, he’s going to ignore those as long as possible. He recognized them after you’d had an emotional breakdown, he’s not going to admit that especially, he doesn’t want you to think he has a kink for crying or something, absolutely not.

“Hey.”

“Oh, hey, Law,” you look over your shoulder for a second with a smile, turning back to your tea, “Couldn’t sleep, though some tea might help.”

“Your usual then?”

Nodding, as you finish off your tea making, Law sits at the table and waits for you to join him, knowing you’ve made him a cup of lavender milk tea too. You’d started doing that and either taking it to his office before you head to bed or having him join you in the kitchen where you have small conversations before you both turn in for the night.

You’ve gotten quite comfortable with Law, your own feelings for him aside. He’s been helpful with your poison and antidote creations, ensuring your ratios are correct and helping you when they aren’t. You’ve started discussing books you’ve both read, you were shocked to find he enjoyed the Sora Warrior of the Sea comics. His being such a nerd over them never struck you as odd thankfully, Law even letting you borrow a few of his copies so you can give it a try yourself.

He makes you feel safe and comfortable, you really enjoy being with Law.

Law thanks you when you hand over the mug of tea, taking your seat across from him to enjoy your own, settling into a welcomed silence. With how rowdy his crew can be at times, you get why Law hides himself away in his office most of the time, and you’re grateful that he lets you share the space when needed.

“I know you said I didn’t have to,” Law looks over to you as you speak, an eyebrow raised, “but thank you again, for letting me stay. I really appreciate the help you’ve given me.”

“Like I’ve said, its no problem. Everyone’s glad you’re here.”

I’m more than glad you’re here.

There’s a soft smile on your face that Law enjoys seeing, and he honestly hopes you won’t lose it after he talks to you.

“I wanted…to tell you something.”

“Go for it,” setting your mug down on the table, you rest your elbows there with your chin in your hands, “I’m all ears, Law.”

He's almost fighting himself on if he should or shouldn’t, maybe another time. It’s late after all, you probably want to go to bed now that you’ve had your tea. It’s making him sleepy too, but the anxiety he feels is almost nullifying the tea’s effects.

Taking a deep breath, Law finally speaks up again, not meeting your eye.

“I want to tell you about my past,” that makes you perk up, remembering what Penguin had said to you months ago, “But I don’t think I can tonight. It’s…”

“A lot…?”

He nods, which you return, realizing this must be more than what Penguin could’ve meant, it has to be hard for Law to dredge up whatever memories he has of his childhood and teenage years, of everything that led him to where he is now.

Everything that’s leading him down the path he’s chosen.

“So,” when he finally looks up at you, you’re not surprised at how tired Law looks, it has to be taking a lot for him to do this, “I want to set a time in a few days, where you and I can sit, and I can tell you everything. “

You need to know before I could ever tell you my feelings anyway.

“Law,” Nodding, you quietly reach out your hand to his, not wanting to scare him off, “Just tell me whenever, and I’ll make myself available to listen, okay?”

After he agrees, Law offers to walk you back to your shared room with Ikkaku, which you take him up on even though you know the way. The Polar Tang is only so big, but it’s nice to have him by your side. Once you reach your door, Law turns to leave and you stop him, grabbing his shirt sleeve and leaning up, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, his eyes widening just a hair.

“Thanks for walking me…and trusting me, Law. See you in the morning.”

You don’t give him a chance to say anything in response before you enter your room and close the door, sighing heavily as you bring yourself to the floor, Ikkaku watching you from her bed.

“Man, you’ve got it bad for the captain, huh?”

“…it’s that obvious?”

“As obvious as the fact he’s the same for you, girlfriend.”

While you don’t believe Ikkaku is correct in that statement, Law isn’t able to bring himself to move for several minutes, frozen in shock that you decided to kiss his cheek and just run off to bed.

It looks like you’ve got more to talk about than just his past now.

[yeontaescumslut]

Happy Anniversary ◯ ♱ ۫ 🪽𝄞 ❀ 𓂂 ࣪ ა ₊

Pairing Jay x (Fem) Reader

Genre non- idol au, smut

Synopsis: You’ve never been the dominant type in you and Jays relationship, but tonight that would change when you want to surprise him for your anniversary…

Warnings: Oral, Fingering, name calling (good girl, slut, daddy, etc), face sitting, squirting, car sex, public sex

Word count: 2,781K

Authors note: For all my Jay Stans 👹 I’m making my way through all of enha so if you have anyone in particular you want me to do next lmk!! Thank you so much for reading my stuff it makes me so happy 🖤🥲

Today started out as any normal day at your job and Jay was working in the office per usual. As you’re researching something for a project at work when your phone suddenly chimes, you look over to see that its a message form your Boyfriend, Jay. The message read…

Jay: Be ready by 6:15, we’ve got dinner plans beautiful girl.

You smile at your phone cheeks getting red at the message. He did this often knowing it was your love language. You continue your work now excited for your work day to end so you could get all dressed up for your boyfriend. Today was your 4 year anniversary, so you knew he had something really nice planned. Typical of him to do so, he has always been the romantic type knowing just the way to get your heart racing with a look from his soft smoldering eyes.

Luckily for you your work day wrapped up rather quickly especially considering how for the rest of your shift you were daydreaming about how your evening with jay was gonna go, and boy had you mustered up something special for him in the meantime. You quickly rushed home trying your best to beat the 5 o’clock traffic so you could have as much time as possible to get ready.

you shower, and doll yourself all up for jay curling your hair and smudging your eyeliner just the way he loved. Your hand shakes slightly as you put on your deep red lipstick too entranced in your thoughts about what you had planned to stay still. You do your best to shake the feeling as you go to get dressed into the little black dress that you had bought about a week prior for this occasion specifically. Zipping it up you get goosebumps at the thought of how jay has once traced this pattern on your back to discard of a little dress like this.

Before you know it, time flies and its time, you hear a honk coming from outside you and jays shared apartment complex, knowing it was him 6:15 on the dot not a minute early or late. Your skin textured with bumps thinking about how to execute this plan successfully and not be awkward about it. You rush out of the apartment grabbing your purse on the way out. As you walk out of the complex doors you see Jay standing in front of your passenger seat door hands placed in his pockets. When he spots you exiting the complex doors he stands up straight from leaning on the car door. His eyes wide, a smile slowly stretches across his face.

Fuck. He is wearing that silk black button up that highlights his body line like no body’s business. This has your knees slightly wanting to buckle as you approach him. Jay takes you by the hand using it to spin you around for a 360. His free hand giving your bottom an encouraging tap as he playfully whistles at you. “You never fail to amaze me beautiful” he pulls you into his chest, a waft of his familiar woodsy scent filling your nose as he kisses your forehead.

On the road jay rests his hand on your upper thigh without fail of course, its his favorite thing about your body. This would come into great play to know for later.. his veiny tan skin is a contrast to pale elegance of yours. It almost felt sinful to look at sometimes. The cool metal of his silver rings leaving indents in your flesh as he gripped your thigh at each light you caught, him glancing over to send you a little smirk or bring your hand up to his lips to kiss it. This had your core gripping around nothing, he surely knows what he’s doing to you right?

You glance over at your stunning boyfriend analyzing his little details, his gelled hair, his dangly silver earrings, the subtle five o clock shadow peaking in, the little bit of skin is showing from the first 2 buttons he has undone, the Gucci belt locked around his hips it was all too much to handle. Jay was a simple sexy man. He was your man.

You arrive at the restaurant, you’re staring at Jays veiny tan hands as he grips the gear shift, shifting the car into park. You’re pussy dripping at the thought of his hands tracing your body like that. Jay calls to you snapping you out of your daze. In his deep raspy voice he asks if you’re ready to go inside. You shake your head as though shaking off the thoughts and reply with a confident yes.

Jay exits his side of the car coming over to yours to open your door for you, extending his hand out to grab yours, helping you out of the passenger seat. You take his arm, wrapping your hand around his thick bicep, he walks you both into the restaurant, keeping you on his arm the entire time. When you enter the host takes you to the most romantic table you have ever seen in your life. Rose petals strone across the table, a bottle of your favorite wine placed in the center and chairs placed right next to eachother instead of across. Jay knew you loved sitting next to him instead of in front of him.

Jay walks over to the table pulling your chair out for you, his hand gestures for you to take a seat, once you’re sat in your chair he places a white napkin across your lap, then pushing your chair in, following suit he sits in his chair. As soon as he slides his chair closer to the table his hand is immediately back on your thigh. It was at this moment you new your boyfriend was on the same wavelength as you tonight.

you order an appetizer and that gives you and jay some privacy from the waiter for a while, his attention is immediately on you. He’s leaned back in his chair, not in an ill mannered way but rather just comfortably resting but god does he look incredibly sexy doing it. He brushes a hand through his dark locks as he gazes over at you, simultaneously raises his place on your thigh but not higher, more inner. His pinky grazing your clothed core shamelessly. A sultry smile appearing on his lips when he realizes just how wet you are already.

however he doesn’t address it up front,he doesn’t have to because you can read the look right off his sexy ass face. “ you look so beautiful..as always.” He coos tucking some hair out of your face with his free hand. “ I’m so lucky to have such a stunning woman inside and out love me.You are my entire world sweet girl, happy anniversary.” He closes the space between your faces using that same hand to cup the back of your neck to kiss your lips quickly. The only reason he doesn’t linger this kiss being the fact that he’s reaching into his pocket to bring out a cute little box wrapped in a red ribbon.

The shock on your face is apparent as he pulls out the little box. Your mouth falling open as a reaction. You reach out to take the box with both hands, tears welling in the corners of your eyes. You untie the ribbon softly, pulling the longer string allowing the bow to fall into your lap softly. Jay is leaning back in his chair his face riddled with anticipation as he watches you open the box. You lock your fingers under the lid of the box prying it open softly, anticipating what’s inside. As the lid slowly reveals what’s inside your heart rate rises higher and higher as you see more of the pendant peeking from behind the box’s lid. Once the lid is fully off your eyes widen as your eyes are graced with the most beautiful necklace you had ever seen in your life.

“Jay, this is Beautiful, you really didn’t have to” You say to him tears peaking out of the corners of your eyes. Jay reaches his hand over to caress your face softly. “Of course i did my love, you deserve this and more” a smile painted across your face as you hold the pendant in your hand admiring the beauty of it. “Would you put it on for me?” You hand Jay the necklace and begin to lift your hair so his hands can snake around your neck easier. The cold metal of the chain giving you slight goosebumps that is until jays hands graze your neck, he is so gentle his fingers tickle your neck as he claps the necklace. When he sees the beautiful pendant draped around your neck he runs his hands down your back resting them at your waist, “It looks stunning on you darling” his mouth right next to your ear as the words hit your ear drum, you feel his plump pillowy lips make contact with the back of your neck, making you clasp your hands together tightly in your lap. He knew exactly what he was doing and knew exactly what it was doing to you. Just as your breathing steadies the waiter arrives at the table to ask for your orders.

As you’re waiting on your meals, Jay pours wine in your glass, your favorite that he specifically requested to be had at the table. “Here you are princess” pouring the wine with two hands, you look at him admiring his sharp beautiful features. Your top teeth catch your bottom lip as you stare at Jays hands, thinking sinful thoughts just wanting to eat and get him alone but you push through. You’re snapped back into reality when Jay asks you if you’re going to drink your wine or just stare at it.” He lets out a little giggle swirling his wine in his glass taking a sip. You giggle back at him raising your glass to your lips letting the tart red wine stain your lips.

The meal has finally arrived to you and Jay, you both enjoy your meal and chit chat through it. Once you’ve finished the waiter brings over the bill and Jay pays. As you get ready to get up to leave Jay pulls your seat out for you making it easier for you to get up. He has always been a gentleman, even 4 years later. He reaches his elbow out for you to take. You grab ahold of his bicep giving it a little squeeze. Preparing yourself for what is about to take place.

You and Jay make it back to the car safely, like the gentleman he is, he opens your door for you waiting until you’re fully in and settled before he closes the door. You twiddle your thumbs waiting for him to get in the drivers seat. Once he gets settled he lets out a happy sigh patting his stomach. “Did you enjoy dinner sweetie?” He asks patting the back of your head sweetly. Your brain is fogged at this point, you’re distracted by him and he’s right here. The thoughts of how you’re going to pull this off clouds your brain, you’re never the type to be dominate and initiate things between you and Jay but you had always wanted to and thought tonight would be perfect. He tits his head looking at you “baby?” He questions softly. You snap you’re head up coming back to reality once again, “sorry baby, yes dinner was delicious thank you so much for dinner, and this” you grab the pendant around your neck smiling softly. Jay smiles at you, “so where do you wanna go now?” You respond very confidently having had this in mind “how about we go to d the park where we had out first date? Maybe watch the stars?” You were absolutely bullshitting, you know that the park has the darkest parking spots near you and no one is ever there. He agrees with you thinking it was also a great idea not having a clue what’s coming.

You and Jay pull up to the park, you direct him to the darkest spot in the lot, he definitely has a clue what’s going down now, from how nervous you’ve been all night to the way you had been distracting yourself. He rests his arm on the steering wheel turning his body to face you, “mmm so this is what you’ve been wanting all night” he thinks you want him to fuck you but that’s not necessarily what you had in mind you’ve had enough and decided to just go for it, no more stalling. You look up at him, your eyes look different than usual they’re lust filled tonight. “Shut up and lean your chair all the way back” you sit on your knees in your chair pushing his chest down as he obeys what you say. He leans the chair all the way back to where it’s basically flat on the backseat. You make your way over, straddling his lap in the driver seat, your dress hiking up your thighs making the bottom of your ass hang out, jays hands find their way to the tender skin ,giving it a squeeze. Your lips find his, his lips as soft as cotton, your tongue fights with his for a taste of eachother, his hands roaming your body, yours entangled in his chocolate brown hair. You pull away from the kiss sitting up from your position, you grab jay by the jaw telling him to open, he follows suit opening his mouth, your saliva leaving your mouth as you spit in his. Leaving him no time to think you shimmy your way up to where your pussy is directly on his mouth, his hands find your hips steadying you and holding you in place, his tongue immediately finds your clothed clit sucking on it gently, his hands pushing your dress further up your body, his hand finds the seam of your panties pulling them to the side, his tongue making contact with your now bare folds, your hands gripping the back headrest for stability, your body jolting at the feeling, your core so sensitive in this position. Jays lips wrap around your bud as he pointer and middle find your entrance, pushing them into you curling them in just the right way to where it hits your g spot, a cry ripping from your throat, your hand placed on the window leaving traces of pleasure. Jay grunts into your pussy, his free hand reaches down, his tan slender fingers finding the buckle of his belt, flipping it open, the button sliding through the fabric the sound of his zipper makes you realize what he’s doing, his zipper slides down, pulling his cock out of the confinement of his pants. His hand gripping the base of his cock tight as his tongue navigates your folds.

Your eyes shut tight as the knot in your stomach burns with greediness. Hes giving you all he can yet you want more, Your voice echoing through the car as you beg for more “Jay more, please daddy” youre on the verge of tears, Jay does not hesitate as his lips wrap around your bud sucking pulling the sensation to one spot, his finger tips prodding at your cervix at this point, curled hitting just the right spot. Hes now bucking his hips into his own hands, the feeling leaving his grunts vibrating against your pussy. The heat from outside mixed with the air from the car leaves the windows foggy the only thing visible is your handprint on the window. The sinful sounds leaving your throat being covered by the music filling your ears. The pit in your stomach burns hotter as Jay speeds up, his fingers pounding into your cunt leaving his fingers soaking wet, his suction on your clit not letting up pulling you to the end. His fingers scrape your cervix one last time before youre squirting all over his fingers and face, he follows suit shooting his seed all up his stomach mixing with your fluids. His tongue lapping up every drop you release as he strokes out every drop of his own.

You plop down on the back seat not having any strength left in your legs, his car seat soaking wet, your breaths heavy, shaky. Jay looks over at you as he licks his lips and wipes the mess you made from his face “Good Girl” you look back at him with a heavy smirk. “Happy Anniversary”

[ginnsbaker]

fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (14/?)

Part Summary: Leigh reconciles with Jules and then receives news from Danny that could potentially disrupt her new beginning with you.

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.200+ | Warnings: Spicy phone call | Author's note: The date will happen in the next one, and then after that, 1-2 chapters to wrap up this series :)

Masterlist | Part I Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII

-

The date doesn't happen as quickly as Leigh expected. You don’t bring it up again for several days after your grand, against-all-odds declaration of love.

In the meantime, you text constantly. Sometimes you call, just to ask about her day. The first time, she’s so confused, waiting for the real reason behind your call. But there isn’t one—you simply wanted to talk, and texting wouldn’t do it.

She’s rarely on the phone with anyone these days. For her, phone calls are usually reserved for urgent requests from Drew or her mom, or from companies trying to sell her something. The last time she was on the phone just to talk was with Matt, during the stretches when work kept them apart for days. Before that, it was high school, chatting with friends and boyfriends about everything and nothing.

Talking to you on the phone feels like stepping back in time. There’s something intimate about it, something that modern-day texting can’t capture. She finds herself looking forward to your calls, the sound of your voice at the end of a long, tiring, or listless day.

Days stretch into a week before you finally ask her out, armed with the when and where. Leigh will never admit it to anyone, but the wait is excruciating.

The butterflies swarm in her stomach as she lies on her bed, fresh from a shower, in an oversized shirt and boy shorts, biting at her fingernails. She's already restless by the time her phone rings at the usual hour.

She picks up almost immediately, trying to keep her voice as blasé as she can manage. “Hey.”

“Hey, Leigh,” you reply breathily, not realizing how that tone makes Leigh press the phone harder against her ear, as if she wants to hear more of it. “How was your day?”

She rolls onto her back, stretching her hand out and drawing patterns in the air against the ceiling.��

“It was okay. Nothing too exciting. How about yours?” she says.

“Pretty good. Just busy with work stuff. I was thinking about you, though.”

The simple statement sends a new wave of warmth through her. “Is that so?”

“Very much so,” you whisper, and Leigh can almost see your smile, just like the one forming on her lips. “So, uh, I was thinking…”

“Yeah?” Leigh prompts, her heart picking up speed. She hears some shuffling on your end and waits with bated breath.

“Maybe we should finally go on that date,” you suggest,  hopeful and a bit nervous. 

Leigh’s heart leaps, and she tears the phone away from her ear, burying her face into her pillow as a squeal escapes before she can contain it. Catching herself, she quickly schools her expression, tosses the pillow aside, and sits up ramrod straight.

“We should,” Leigh blurts out, still feeling her heart thumping wildly against her ribs. “When were you thinking?”

“How about this Saturday?”

Leigh pauses, mentally counting—one, two, three—before replying, “Great. I’m free then.” 

Wanting to lock in the details, she asks, “What time?”

“Could I, um, have you for the whole day?” you ask hesitantly, and then quickly realizing how it sounded, you clarify, “I mean, could we make it a day-long date? I promise it’ll be worth your while.”

Leigh hums, pretending to mull it over, but inside, she's practically screaming yes.

“What do you have planned?”

“It's a surprise,” you reply, the playful secrecy in your tone drawing a grin from Leigh. 

Unable to contain her intrigue, Leigh tries to coax out some clues. “Anything you need from me? Dress code? Anything I can help you with?”

“No, just be yourself,” you say, your voice dropping to a softer, more intimate cadence. “Wear whatever makes you feel most like you. You're beautiful in anything.”

Leigh feels a warm blush spread across her cheeks. She's grateful you can't see her, can't see how your words reduce her to a pile of mush.

“In anything?” she asks coyly.

“Or nothing,” you whisper back, almost without thinking.

Leigh nearly chokes on her breath at that, biting her lip to stifle a moan that threatens to escape owing to the boldness of your flirtation. She doesn't immediately realize she's drifted into a stunned silence until you apologize, worrying that you might have crossed a line. 

“I'm sorry if that was too forward,” you say.

Leigh shakes herself, trying to clear the haze of memories—the soft moans, the way your body yielded to her touch that night. “No, it’s... I still think about that night,” she shares.

“O-Oh?” you stammer, your grip tightening around the phone. You're driving home with one hand, thinking it would be a short call. Suddenly feeling lightheaded, you quickly pull over to the side of an empty street, realizing you might not make it home safely if you don't.

“What do you... think about, specifically?” you venture, slowly unbuckling your seatbelt.

It’s as if a switch has been flipped in her. Her mind races back to that night—the way you touched yourself under her gaze, how she guided your movements, the feel of her finger inside you while she rode your thigh. 

“Leigh?”

Leigh's breath hitches, and she feels heat spreading through her body. She kicks off the covers, finding herself lying flat on the bed, her fingers inching teasingly at the hem of her shorts. She closes her eyes, letting the memory of that night trickle into the forefront of her mind.

“I think about the way you looked under me,” she says softly, “The flush of your skin, the sounds you made, how your lips felt against mine.”

Her words send a shiver down your spine. “Leigh,” you murmur, “I-I think about that night too. How you took control, how you made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered.”

Leigh's fingers slip beneath the waistband of her shorts, teasing herself as she remembers the feel of your skin against hers. “I remember guiding your hands,” she continues, her voice growing huskier. “Watching you touch yourself, seeing the pleasure in your eyes. It was intoxicating.”

You can hear the desire in her voice, and it sends a surge of arousal through you. “I remember the way you moved against me,” you reply, your voice low. “Your skin was so hot against mine, it felt like I was on fire.”

As Leigh's fingers dip lower, brushing against the wetness between her legs, she gasps. She tries to contain it but fails, letting out a guttural moan—a sound of pure want—right into your ear. The rawness of that sound snaps you out of your lust-filled reverie.

“Fuck, are you... are you touching yourself? I-I'm so—” you start, your voice shaking.

“Don't apologize. Just keep talking. It's okay,” Leigh cuts you off sharply, switches the phone to speaker mode, and swiftly removes her panties. For a brief second, she thinks she probably shouldn't be doing this, not before the date they'd just planned. But the overwhelming urge washes over her, making rational thoughts blur into the background. She can't control herself; she needs to come, needs you to make her come.

“Tell me what you'd do,” she chunters, no longer concerned about sounding needy. “Please.” 

“Shit,” you hiss, quickly connecting your phone to your car’s speakers and then tossing it onto the passenger seat. You then adjust the driver's seat to give yourself more legroom and hurriedly begin to unbutton your jeans. Though you're embarrassed to admit that you've never had phone sex before, you're not about to let inexperience stop you. Not when Leigh was practically purring in your ear, begging for it.

“Y/N?” Leigh’s voice rumbles through the confined space of your car and you hurriedly close your eyes as you formulate a response, your head buzzing with several things you want to do to Leigh at once.

“I'd start by kissing you,” you begin, your voice low and deliberate, though you feel a bit foolish at the tentative start. “Soft, teasing kisses, tracing a path down your body. I'd take my time, Leigh, tasting every inch of your skin.”

“Where would you kiss me first?” Leigh breathes.

“Your neck,” you reply, your fingers brushing against your own skin as if you’re tracing the path your lips would take on hers. “I’d kiss right behind your ears…then down your throat, lingering at your collarbone.”

Leigh’s breathing becomes more ragged, and you can almost feel her anticipation. “And then?”

“Then I’d kiss my way down to your breasts,” you say, your own arousal building. “I’d take each nipple in my mouth, sucking gently, then harder, feeling them harden against my tongue. I’d circle my tongue around them, flicking the tip, just like so.”

Leigh listens, her breaths becoming shallow, her body trembling with need. She closes her eyes, lost in the sensation, in the vividness of your description. She traps a rosy bud between her two fingers, mimicking the rhythm you describe, the tension in her belly coiling more tightly.

Meanwhile, your own hands are busy on your body. Despite the cramped space even with the car seat reclined, you manage to slide two fingers inside your pants, rubbing your clit, while your other hand tweaks your nipple.

A soft moan escapes Leigh’s lips, and you know she’s imagining your mouth on her. “I’d keep moving lower, kissing down your stomach, tracing the lines of your body with my tongue. When I finally reach your thighs, I’d spread them open and kiss the inside, so close to where you want me but not quite there yet.”

“I’d breathe you in,” you murmur, “taking a moment to just enjoy the scent of you. Then I’d lick, just once, a slow, teasing lick from the bottom of your slit to the top, tasting how wet you are for me.”

“Fuck,” Leigh groans wantonly, her fingers undoubtedly mirroring your words on her own skin. You can almost see her hand moving against her clitoris, fingers collecting her own wetness and spreading it all over until her inner thighs are glistening with it.

“I’d part you with my fingers,” you continue, your own breath coming faster now, “and then I’d dive in. I’d lap at you, my tongue moving in slow circles around your clit, feeling it swell under my tongue. I’d drink you in, Leigh, tasting every drop, getting lost in how sweet you are.”

“Don’t stop,” Leigh pants, and you can hear her movements quickening, the unmistakable sound of wetness and skin in frantic motion, as if she's placed her phone near the epicenter of her impending climax.

“I wouldn’t,” you promise. “I’d suck on your clit, gently at first, then harder, using my tongue to drive you crazy. I’d slide a finger inside you, curling it to find that perfect spot, the one that makes you see stars. I’d keep licking and sucking, adding another finger, thrusting them in and out, matching the rhythm of my tongue. I wouldn’t stop until I felt you trembling, until I heard you crying out my name as you came.”

Leigh’s moans grow louder, more desperate, and you can almost see her, writhing on her bed, lost in pleasure. “Y/N, I’m close,” she gasps.

“I’d be looking up at you, watching your face as you c-come for m-me,” you say, your voice faltering as you slide a finger inside yourself. “Fuck, Leigh, baby, come for me.”

It's the endearment and the mental image of your deep brown eyes, brimming with hunger and worship, that sends her spiraling into ecstasy.

“Oh god, Y/N!” Leigh moans, her back curving as an intense orgasm overtakes her.

You’re not there yet, but you close your eyes, letting the image of her climax burn into your mind.

Leigh lies there, basking in the afterglow, her body still trembling with the remnants of her orgasm. She’s about to check in on you, perhaps return the favor, when the front door opens and closes with a bang.

“Mom? Leigh?” Jules yells from the living room.

Panic surges through Leigh. She scrambles to her feet, hurriedly pulling on her underwear and shorts. The phone slips from her grasp, landing on the bed, the line still open.

Leigh reaches the top of the stairs, breathless and flushed, just as Jules appears at the bottom, looking up with a mix of worry and curiosity. 

“What's going on?” Leigh asks, wincing as she feels the stickiness between her thighs. She silently curses, wishing Jules could have shown up after she had a chance to shower.

“Where’s Mom?” Jules demands, her eyes scanning the hallway. “And Logan?”

“She took him with her for a grocery run,” Leigh replies, coming down the stairs. “Is something wrong?”

Jules sighs. “I was just worried. The door was unlocked, and I couldn’t find anyone. Thought something might’ve happened.”

Leigh relaxes a bit, though the adrenaline from moments before still courses through her veins. “It’s fine. I just didn’t realize you’d be coming home tonight,” she says.

“Yeah, about that…” Jules trails off, tilting her head toward the kitchen with a meaningful glance. 

Leigh follows, her bare feet whispering against the wooden floorboards. Striving for nonchalance, she asks, “You hungry?” Her hand hovers over the fridge handle, betraying none of her recent distractions.

Jules stops in her tracks and turns back to Leigh. “I’ve been thinking,” she starts, hesitating slightly. “I’d like to move back in.”

“That’s… great,” Leigh says flatly, unsuspecting of her sister’s announcement. She catches the sharp drop of Jules’ brows and hurries to cushion her words. “I mean, we never actually wanted you to go. You’re welcome back anytime, you know that.”

Jules' eyes sharpen, her lips pulling into a tight line. “But only if we talk first.”

Leigh nods, a hard lump forming in her throat. “Of course,” she says.

-

They end up ordering take-out when Leigh's nose wrinkles at the unmistakable stench wafting from the numerous boxes of leftovers crammed in the fridge. She can't recall how long they've been there, only that their rightful place is now the trash bin.

It's Jules who picks the restaurant, and Leigh bites her tongue over the choice of Vietnamese. The last time they'd ordered from there, Jules had barely picked at her food, pushing noodles around her plate more than eating them. Leigh tries not to think too much about it.

The dining table is overtaken by a clutter of takeout boxes, each one wafting a blend of lemongrass and ginger into the room—a scent so rich you could almost scoop it out of the air. Leigh watches her sister with that look—the one that's all walls and wariness, like she’s guarding the last piece of herself she can’t afford to lose.  Jules, on her part, looks a little restless, her fingers skirting the edges of a white takeout box like it might offer some kind of sanctuary.

“So, talk,” Leigh prompts,  twirling her chopsticks to pick up a fresh vegetable roll and dipping it into peanut sauce.

Jules takes a breath, a deep one. When she meets Leigh’s eyes, it’s with a resolve that seems to pull her upright. “Fine, since I’m the one who kicked this off, I’ll lead. I’m sorry. I know I tossed around some pretty nasty words last time I stormed out, and I meant them—then. But calling you a sociopath? That was me going off the deep end.”

Leigh’s face hardens, a quick, involuntary tightening of her features as she recalls the sting of that last confrontation. She pushes her noodles around her box, the chopsticks clattering softly. Jules waits, the steam from her own untouched meal rising and disappearing into the air.

“I appreciate your apology, Jules, really, I do. But you can't just throw words like that around, whether you mean them or not. Words stick. They fester,” Leigh says, meeting Jules’ gaze squarely. 

Jules looks down, tries to mask the hurt that flickers across her face, biting down on her lip. 

Leigh continues, “When I criticize you, it’s not meant as an attack. I’m not someone who likes to beat around the bush, especially not with family.”

The word ‘family’ hits differently this time—at least for Jules it does. Her heart aches at the mention, dragging up memories of a recent painful conversation where she had confessed to feeling like an outsider in her own family.

“Sometimes it's not about what you say but how you say it,” Jules mutters.

Leigh looks at her expectantly, clueless and curious at the same time.

“Not everyone can handle being talked to so bluntly. Not everyone’s as frank as you, okay? Sometimes it feels more like you're pushing me away instead of trying to help.”

Leigh goes quiet, letting the silence stretch just a bit before she nods. “You’re right,” she concedes, the words slipping out almost thoughtfully. It’s almost surprising, the lack of her usual quick-fire defense. “I think I got so wrapped up in the idea that being honest meant being harsh. I can work on that. I should work on that.”

Jules blinks, taken aback by the calm acceptance in Leigh’s tone, the ease with which she receives the criticism. It’s a side of Leigh she hasn’t seen much of—this reflective, almost gentle version. It's a welcome change, a sign of growth that feels both sudden and deeply necessary. 

“I didn’t expect... I mean, I’m glad you took that the way you did,” Jules says.

Leigh gives a small, almost sheepish smile, a rarity on her usually stoic face. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About how I say things, not just what I say. It’s been... a lot to unpack. But hearing this from you, it really helps. It does.”

She means it. Ever since you’ve stubbornly eased your way into her life, she’s done a lot of thinking. She’s done a lot of grieving too, realizing that if she had seen the changes that needed to be made earlier, things might have been different for her—for Matt. She’s learned to accept that life is always going to be filled with regrets, but she’s grateful now to recognize that she still has the chance to change, even if it came a little too late.

Better late than never, right?

She looks at Jules, her eyes earnest and a little bit haunted. “I’m sorry, Jules, for everything I said, everything I made you feel. I love you. You’re my sister, always. I know I can be too hard on the people who mean the most to me, but I’m going to try, really try, to balance that love, to understand how you need to be loved.”

Jules sits frozen, speechless for the first time. Their confrontations usually spiral into heated exchanges until one of them storms off. She hadn't expected this to be so... civil and mature. 

So unlike them. 

Finally, she manages a small, shaky smile. “Yeah, this... this went way better than I played it out in my head.”

Leigh’s laughter is a quick splash of reprieve, a burst of surprise at how well things have turned.  But it fades as quickly as it bloomed, her smile slipping into a frown as she catches the shadow creeping over Jules’s face. 

“What is it?”

Jules fidgets, nervously twisting a napkin between her fingers. “I... need to ask you something that’s been eating at me for months... well, almost a year now. And I need you to be brutally honest with me, Leigh. Can you promise that?”

Leigh feels a slight tremor of worry, but brushes it off and nods. “You’re scaring me, but sure. I promise.”

“Here we go,” Jules says, taking a deep, faltering breath. “Remember that night? When I was so drunk you had to come and get me? It was the last night Matt was... before he... you know. Do you ever resent me for it? I did such a horrible thing, robbing you of his last moments because I couldn't keep it together—”

“You know I’ve never blamed you for that. Not during our last fight, not when Matt died, just... never, basically,” Leigh says, leaning back on her chair.

“But some part of you must have hated me, because—”

“No—”

“—maybe he needed someone.”

Leigh just shrugs and denies it which only frustrates Jules even more. “No, Leigh,” she tries, “I need you to listen to me. I was very drunk that night—”

“You were really drunk a lot of nights and you’ve done a lot of crappy things,” Leigh states frankly. “But none of them had anything to do with Matt’s death.”

Jules swallows hard, her eyes stinging. “But what if it did, though?”

Leigh, clearly frustrated, responds, “You really think that?”

Jules looks down at the table and stays silent.

“Jules,” Leigh sighs, searching for the right words to reassure her sister. Eventually, she opts for honesty. “Look, I can’t tell you how to feel, but that’s not how I feel. Okay?”

It takes a second longer for Jules to say, “Okay.”

Leigh stares intently at her sister, noting the way Jules's eyes avoid contact. She knows the soft okay from Jules isn't a signal of acceptance or peace, but a white flag in a battle mostly with herself. Jules is grappling with her own guilt, a feeling that has little to do with Leigh but still consumes her. Leigh wishes, not for the first time, that her sister could see the truth as easily as she reads into misconceptions. It’s the same thing she wishes for herself.

Feeling slightly vindicated to have aired her feelings, Jules turns her attention back to the food spread between them. She reaches for her bánh mì, grips it firmly, and takes a hearty bite. As she chews thoughtfully, she manages a muffled, “Thanks, Leigh.”

Leigh just offers a small, understanding smile.

As they continue eating, Jules suddenly grins, crumbs dotting the corners of her mouth. “You're probably wondering why we're having Vietnamese tonight,” she says.

Leigh raises an eyebrow, curious despite herself. “I was wondering.”

Jules chews quickly, then, with her mouth still full, blurts out, “Well, I've got one more piece of news for you.”

-

It’s almost midnight when Leigh returns to her bedroom. 

As soon as her eyes land on her cellphone, carelessly tossed on the sheets, guilt floods her. She remembers she didn’t even say goodbye to you. Horrified, she realizes she left you hanging, high and dry.

She grabs her phone, her heart pounding in her chest, and checks for any messages from you. The screen lights up, but there are no new notifications, no missed calls.

“God, I’m such an idiot,” she mutters to herself, running a hand through her hair. She takes a deep breath and dials your number, her fingers trembling slightly as she presses the call button.

It rings once, twice, and then you answer. “Leigh?”

“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?” Leigh asks, picking up on the sleepiness in your voice.

“No, not at all. What’s up?”

She lets out a relieved sigh before rushing into an apology. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you like that. Jules came home and then I—”

“It’s okay, Leigh,” you whisper soothingly, grateful that she called you back at all.

That doesn’t alleviate Leigh's guilt, though. She racks her brain for a way to make amends. 

“Can we… Can we pick up where we left off?” she suggests hesitantly.

You let out a kind chuckle. “I’d like that. But maybe we should save it for… later. Honestly, that was a bit reckless, Leigh.”

Leigh's brow furrows, even though you can't see it. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“I want to do this right,” you explain earnestly. “If taking things slow helps us build something real, then I’m willing to wait.”

“Well, clearly patience hasn’t been my strong suit either,” Leigh admits, her lips curving into a grin at your attempt to be chivalrous.

“I know,” you whisper, traces of a smile audible in your voice. “But I didn’t want you to think that’s all I’m after. And believe me, I want you—it’s driving me crazy.” 

Leigh runs her tongue along her teeth, feeling the familiar tug of desire low in her belly.

“I just don't want us to get so caught up in the physical stuff that we miss out on really getting to know each other,” you say.

“Me neither,” Leigh agrees, tucking the blankets up under her chin, pretending it's you keeping her warm.

“While I obviously enjoyed our…conversation earlier,” you say, pausing to maintain your composure. You can still hear the echo of Leigh's moans in your car, the memory likely to revisit you on sleepless nights in the coming days. “I'm really looking forward to diving deeper into things, like your favorite book, on Saturday.”

“Maybe I'll bring you a whole list,” she teases.

“Guess I’ll have to find that library card I signed up for then,” you joke.

“A library card, huh? Dork,” she retorts affectionately.

You feign a wounded tone, “Ouch.”

The laughter that follows is light and easy. You sigh contentedly and say, “I should probably call it a day. I’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Leigh.” I love you. “See you on Saturday.”

The call ends with both of you reluctantly hanging up, smiles fixed on your faces as you lie back. Leigh is an addictive rush, coursing through your veins like adrenaline. You've excused yourself out of habit for sleeping early, but you doubt you’re going to get much sleep tonight.

-

Leigh nudges open the door to the crowded bistro tucked near the Basically News office. It’s the thick of lunch hour, and the place pulses with the chatter of midday patrons. It’s exactly the sort of public, non-intimate setting you'd want for meeting an ex. She weaves through the crowded room, spotting Danny at a corner table, his focus tethered to his phone as he absently taps on the screen.

“Hey,” she greets, sliding into the chair opposite him.

Danny looks up, a hint of irritation flashing in his eyes. “You know, I could’ve just dropped by your house later.”

Leigh shakes her head. “It's better to meet somewhere public from now on.”

His expression darkens, and he scoffs. “Why? So Y/N doesn’t get jealous?”

Leigh leans back, crossing her arms. “Yes,” she says, deliberately blunt.

Danny's jaw sets, a muscle twitching slightly, but he doesn't press the issue. Instead, he reaches into his bag and retrieves a folder, sliding it across the table toward Leigh. “Matt’s publisher wants to release his comic posthumously,” he starts, “but there are strings attached.”

Interest sparks in Leigh's eyes as she opens the folder, her eyes quickly scanning the contract. 

“What kind of strings?” she asks.

“They want either you or me—or both of us—to join a group of artists to promote the comic—”

“That sounds fair and exciting,” Leigh interjects a bit too soon.

“—across the country,” Danny finishes, clicking his tongue in mild annoyance. “It’s a tour, Leigh.”

Leigh's fingers stall at the edge of the paper, the reality of the proposition sinking in. 

“A tour?” she echoes.

“Yeah,” Danny nods. He flags down a waiter and orders a beer. “Early next year. Matt’s comic is in the final stages of editing, and it should be finalized in about three weeks. They’re aiming for a release in February, and the tour will follow right after that.”

“That sounds soon,” Leigh remarks. “How long is the tour supposed to last?”

“About two months,” Danny replies. “We'll be traveling across different states, attending conventions, signing autographs, meeting fans. It’s a big commitment.”

“We?”

Danny shrugs, the hurt briefly flickering across his face before he can hide it. “Yeah, we. Though I'm not sure I can join because of the new job in Vegas. There's a good chance you might be doing this solo.” His attempt at nonchalance doesn't quite cover the sting of her reaction—how distant the concept of 'we' seems to her.

Leigh chews on her lip, her thoughts drifting to her own commitments—her column, her classes at the Beautiful Beast, and you. The idea of leaving all that behind, even for just a few months, feels like too great a sacrifice.

“It’s a lot to take in,” she says, pushing the folder back towards Danny. 

“He deserves this kind of recognition,” Danny implores, as if suggesting that Leigh thinks otherwise.

“I'm aware,” she snaps back, “I just need a bit of time to think it through, to sort out the schedules and everything.”

Danny raises his hands in mock surrender, indicating he doesn't want to escalate the argument. But Leigh knows him well enough to see through it—it’s a tactic. Danny has a way of guilting her into decisions without saying much, letting assumptions and insinuations simmer until Leigh finds herself making the choice he wants.

Leigh stands up, slipping the folder into her bag. “I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

“Fine,” Danny says with a tight nod. “Just don’t drag your feet. The publishers are waiting on an answer soon.”

-

Saturday comes soon, but not soon enough.

All week, relentless rain showers have scattered across the days, and though the forecast promises sunshine today, Leigh wakes up to the soft splattering of rain against her window. The gentle patter seeps into her consciousness, easing her from sleep. The room is filled with a cool, damp scent, and is bathed in a soft, diffused light as the morning sun is muted behind thick clouds. 

Leigh gropes blindly beneath the pillow to her left, retrieving her phone and squinting at the time. It’s 9:30 AM. She blinks, trying to shake the sleep from her mind, and her heart drops slightly as she notices five missed calls from you, each one timestamped progressively: 7:45, 7:55, 8:15, 8:30, and finally 8:45.

Guilt twists in her chest. She sits up, brushing sleep from her eyes, and dials your number back, hoping she hasn’t missed something important. 

You answer on the first ring. “Hey. Everything okay?”

Leigh sighs, running a hand through her tousled hair. “Yeah, I'm sorry I missed your calls. I just woke up. What's going on?”

“It’s Saturday,” you say rather awkwardly. “We had plans to meet this morning, remember?”

Leigh sits up, suddenly fully awake. She’s been looking forward to Saturday all week, eagerly anticipating this date. The realization that she slept through most of the morning fills her with shame. She’s been so restless the past few days, and it was only the gloomy, sleepy weather last night that finally allowed her to get some decent rest.

“I’m sorry if I disturbed your sleep, but since it’s an all-day affair, I thought we could start with breakfast,” you continue, breaking the silence that had been filled only with Leigh’s soft breathing.

“Where are you now?” she asks.

You hesitate for a moment before replying, “I’m actually parked outside your house.”

Fuck. Shit. Damn it.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, uhm, can you give me five minutes?”

“Take all the time you need.”

Leigh ends the call and throws off the covers, scrambling to get dressed. She rushes to the bathroom, splashing water on her face and running a brush through her hair, muttering curses under her breath. Her hands tremble slightly as she picks out an outfit, the anticipation of the day ahead propelling her forward.

As she heads for the door, a small smile forms on her lips. This might not have been the flawless beginning she imagined, but just knowing you’re on the other side makes it perfect already.

[infamous-if]

UPDATE

Hi, everyone! It’s been a few days since Part I dropped! I have been seeing all your questions (many of which I can’t answer lol) and have been seeing all the bug reports and typos. Thanks for sending them in.

I’ll be working on:

- fixing those bugs and typos starting this week. (I don’t respond or answer to typos just because I like having them all in one space, so trust me, I have seen them! I just keep them sitting in my inbox/dm’s to search for them later.)

- part II.

- After part II the days of free bug searching will be over, as I will want to find beta testers. The game is just getting too big and complicated for just one person, especially someone as error prone as me 😅

I do have to take a break. I know I keep saying I’m going to take a break and I don’t but my cold has not gone away even after a week. In fact, it’s getting worse so I may have to actually…be a responsible human and head to the hospital lmao I think my body has sort of shut down a bit since I was actively working on chapter 2 every day for hours on end. So yeah, break needed! But not a long one hehe

In the meantime I’ll be putting up a poll for patrons of the 6$ tier and asking them what POVs they want next. I have plans to write them all, but I want to spread them out in the month instead of getting too excited and dropping them so closely together as I have been haha I do have some Drabble ideas. Even though I prefer writing canon content, I think having some non canon in the middle while I work on canon content would be a nice…fluff to give more content.

I just want to have at least 3 things a week every week on patreon! So my brain is like firing up trying to think of good stuff to offer haha

+ thanks for the love on body double! and my BD ROs that are just as dysfunctional as my Infamous ones haha

That’s all. I will try to be quiet and stay away from this app a bit, just until I feel better. Bye! 😙

[daydreamgoddess14]

Support System pt. 5

MASTERLIST

CH1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4

Roy Kent x Reader

I'm on a roll. Roy Kent making me feel things 🥵 This one is a bit angsty but buckle up - we're getting to the good stuff soon!

Yes, this is the second update in one day... what of it? That picture of his thighs made me do it.

Chapter 5

The rest of the week goes as you’d originally planned for the most part. Lexie was absolutely fine to go to school the next day and you’d already worked out your work plans based on when you were actively trying to avoid Roy. Now, you weren’t so sure that you wanted to do that. By Thursday, you could feel a low ache inside but couldn’t put a finger on it. Work hadn’t been happy that you’d ducked out on Monday afternoon, but you’d tried to fight your corner. It became clearer that they weren’t the business you wanted to work for.

It had left an annoying feeling behind that no matter what you did, you weren’t enough for them. So much so, that by Wednesday, you took in a letter of resignation. They made some noise about becoming more flexible but not wanting to alienate other people who worked for them - they called it ‘special treatment’. You’d argued that everyone should be given more flexibility and more support in their work-life balance - no matter what that life outside of work looked like. They’d painted you as the bad guy and made it look like Lexie was the reason for needing flexibility when, really, you wanted the same for everyone in the business. Giving two months' notice terrified you, it accelerated the need to find a new job. You had savings, but they wouldn’t cover your bills forever. Every night saw you scouring the job sites for something as close to Richmond as possible. But all of that wasn’t the cause of the ache. It was more of an anticipation. Butterflies at rest. You’re approaching the school doors on Thursday afternoon, getting ready to join the queue of people picking up, when you see both Sara and Roy. The butterflies are suddenly up in arms, and the ache explodes into something more. Oh shit.

“Hey! Has your week picked up? Roy said he had to rescue you on Monday, was Andy a total dickbag?”

“Oh god he was horrible, I have no idea looking back now why the fuck I married him. And my week is bloody terrible - I quit my job.”

“What?!”

“Why the fuck did you do that?”

“I couldn’t carry on the way I was, it was a nightmare. With both them and Andy not being remotely supportive it just makes life so difficult.”

“What are you gonna do?” Roy frowned.

“I’m looking for something closer to Richmond if possible. If not, then the city is fine but the company has got to be a bit more progressive than where I am now. Trouble is there’s not much call for deputy Directors.”

“What about skipping the deputy bit?” Sara asked. You shake your head,

“Don’t think it’ll work. Typically that would be too much - more hours, more demanding. I love my work and I can handle demanding - like, really demanding. But I desperately need the flexibility so I can be around for Lexie.” Sara nodded.

“I get you. You should get yourself a Roy, they’re invaluable.” She poked her brother lovingly. You ignore the comment and the fuck off he responds with. “Easter holidays next week! Are you doing anything?”

“I was going to try and go away for the day somewhere. Jump on the train down to Brighton or something?”

“That’s a great idea! I’m off for a couple of days - we should all go.” The girls pour out of school hand in hand and you agree with Sara to plan a beach day trip. In the meantime though, the girls demand another sleepover. “I’m working honey, but if Uncle Roy can take you then of course you can go. As long as it’s ok with Lexie’s mum.”

“Course it is. I’d love to have you, Phoebe. Friday or Saturday, whichever is easiest for you.” You tell Roy.

“Do Saturday and you can all come to the match on Sunday?”

“Yeah, ok, we’d like that.” You smile and the butterflies go crazy. 

~~~~~~~

Lexie insists on a full on pajama party for her sleepover, she makes you bring blankets and pillows downstairs and banishes you to any other room - preferably the kitchen so you can keep them supplied with snacks. By the time Phoebe arrives at 4pm, she’s transformed the living room into some sort of Disney inspired boudoir.

“Come in.” You smile at them both, opening the door wide. Phoebe heads straight for the living room and the door is firmly closed. “Well… I guess they don’t need me.”

“What are you going to do instead?” Roy asks curiously.

“I have a book and a bottle of wine in the kitchen, that’s me all set.” Giggles and bangs sound from the next room, “Not sure I’ll be getting much sleep though. Beer? Wine?”

“Yeah go on then.” He follows you to the kitchen and picks up your book before he’s even sat down. After reading the blurb he takes a picture of the cover.

“You can have it when I’m done.” You offer, turning down the speaker which had been blasting Taylor Swift a little too loudly.

“Not you as well,” he pointed at the speaker. “This is all I get to listen to.”

“They’re 8. She’s like their queen. And yes, I can’t help listening to it as well.” You smile. “Would you like to stay for dinner? I can’t promise Anna and Elsa will join us, but you’re still welcome to stick around.”

“Thanks.” Watching you potter around the kitchen for a while, he picks up the book, makes sure to save your place and flips to the beginning. Assuming he’s engrossed, you concentrate on cutting bell peppers and onions for fajitas, the silence is comfortable, he’s so quiet you pretty much forget he’s there. The music still plays in the background,

“All I know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life. Got a feelin' your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life. And I want you now, wanna need you forever. In the heat of your electric touch,” you sing softly, bopping to the music. It’s not until you go into the pantry under the stairs for spices and see him at the table, watching you, that you remember he’s there. “Fajitas ok?” You stop short and clear your throat. There’s a smile just bubbling in the corner of his mouth, waiting to break free.

“Forget you had company?”

“Fuck off. Maybe.”

“Fajitas are great, thanks.” You forget shyness and awkwardness. It’s your new favourite song so despite his presence, you carry on as you were with slightly less dancing. The girls are persuaded to join you for dinner, even helping you with the homemade guacamole. Roy puts up with the three of you singing along to Taylor Swift at various pitches. “You sound like a bunch of fucking cats.” Phoebe responds by singing loudly down his ear with her wooden spoon microphone.

When the girls are settled with popcorn and a film, you see him to the door. “You’re not stupid, you know.”

“Pardon?”

“Last week. You called yourself stupid. Fucking repeatedly actually, and you’re wrong.”

“Oh. Umm… thanks. Felt pretty stupid. Anyway, like I said, I made a mistake.”

“Yep. Begged me to forget it.” He said quietly. The way he lingered on his words had your heart thumping and your body flooding with desire. You’re sure you must be trembling, your thighs press together and you swear you could come apart just from the way he’s looking at you. But then the girls are dancing through the hall and it’s a sharp reminder that you’re not alone. You see the disappointment flicker in his eyes right before he gives you a small smile, “goodnight. Call me if Phoebe starts playing up. Tickets are waiting for you for the match tomorrow.” You nod, not sure you can trust your voice to stay steady, not really sure you can trust yourself to put a full sentence together.

“Bye.” You whisper. 

~~~~~~

“Lexie! Come on, we need to go and get the train!”

“I can’t find my goggles!”

“You don’t need goggles, darling, the sea is going to be freezing! I know it’s a heatwave but I don’t expect much swimming!” Who were you kidding, two 8 year olds in a heatwave would absolutely be getting in the sea at the first opportunity. You had a beach bag packed with suncream, towels and everything else you could possibly need. You and Sara had planned together so that you didn’t duplicate and have too much to carry. “Lexie! Let’s go!” She bounces down the stairs and straight out the door, leaving you trailing after her. At the station, Sara and Phoebe are already waiting and you're surprised to see Roy with them. “Sorry, couldn’t get Lexie out the door!” You hadn’t seen Roy since the night the girls had their sleepover, apart from seeing him down at pitchside for the football match. It was Tuesday and the last couple of days had felt like an eternity. You feel his eyes looking you up and down as you approach the platform. You get on the tube into the city and change for the train to Brighton. The Easter holidays meant everyone had a similar idea and the trains are packed and hot. Your sundress and hat are no match for the heat, you have to take your hat off and use it to fan both you and Sara. You’ve given the girls the only two seats you could find so the three of you stand to one side to keep the aisle clear.

“Fuck this. I should have driven.”

“Where’s the fun in that!” Sara laughed.

“How are you not hot?” You ask, he’s still in jeans and a t-shirt.

“Thought I was?” He asked quietly while Sara was distracted looking back to check on the girls. You roll your eyes and shake your head, turning away from him to look out of the window. “You look lovely.” He adds, putting a hand on your hip as the train sways you from side to side. He doesn’t move it once the train has steadied. When you get there, you follow the crowds down to the beach, the girls running slightly ahead and Sara and Roy either side of you. As you get closer to the beach, Sara steps in between the girls and takes their hand to keep them close. You get caught up in a group of people but you can still see Sara up in front. Through the crowd, a hand takes yours and pulls you in. Roy interlinks your fingers. “Don’t get fucking lost, we’ll never find you.” He says. Sara waves that she’s found a space and you make your way in her direction, not letting go of his hand. The second you put Lexie’s hat back on her head after smothering her in suncream, she grabs Phoebe’s hand and runs to the sea.

“Stay in sight!” Sara tries shouting after them but it’s impossible to tell whether they’ve heard. 

“I’ll go,” you offer with a grimace, “let’s see how fucking cold it is.” You kick off your sandals and pull your sundress over your head, revealing a royal blue swimsuit underneath.

“Aha!” Sara stops you and throws a bottle in your direction, “cream first. I’ll go and find us some drinks. Beers?”

“Ooh yes please.” She goes off in the direction of the beach vendors. You spray your shoulders and arms with the sticky cream, trying to get as much of your back as you can. Once you’ve finished, you pass the bottle to Roy, avoiding his gaze.

“Be careful,” he says softly, you can’t see his eyes through his dark sunglasses, fortunately. You squeal as the water hits your legs,

“It’s fucking freezing!” You shout to Sara as she returns with three bottles of beer and two of fizzy pop. She leaves everything with Roy and joins you as you watch the girls play mermaids in the cool, shallow water. “This was such a good idea. I needed this.” You hold your hat and look up to the sky, basking in the warm sunshine. 

“Such a good idea,” she agrees. “Though I thought Roy’s brain was going to short circuit when you pulled that bloody dress off! God, it was bad enough when you came down onto the platform earlier - I think he stopped breathing! But then with that underneath,” she gestures up and down your body and whistled,

“Oh don’t be daft.”

“I’m not, you look great. And Roy thinks so too.”

“Hmm if you say so.”

“I’m his sister. I have met every woman he’s ever brought home. Every model, actress, singer… you name it. Back then, when he was younger, he did it because he knew it was what was expected of a hotshot footballer for Chelsea. You get the hot girls. But fuck, they were boring. He was boring when he was with them! Since he’s gotten older, he doesn’t give a shit. Dates whoever he wants. Keeley was lovely but not quite right for him. He might look and act like a grumpy fucker, but he has so much love to give and he wants to be loved. He’s intense, I know. But when he finds the right person, god she’s never going to want for anything.” You’ve both waded into the water up to your thighs, your hands drift across the top of the water. 

“I’ve never been loved like that.” You admit.

“Me either. Be pretty fucking good wouldn’t it?” She laughs. "Also, we definitely deserve it."

"Oh god, we really fucking deserve it!" 

~~~~~~~

You manage to persuade the girls to get out of the water for a bit so you can get food. While you've been gone, Roy has dug the girls beach towels from the bags, changed into shorts and is reading. You'd happily thank every god, deity, or lucky star for the sunglasses you're wearing because your eyes are drawn to his legs as if you haven't seen him play football for as long as you can remember. The sun dries you quickly so you pull your dress back on. "Who wants food?" You ask the girls, who are eager to agree. "I see chips. I'll be back as soon as I can, Lexie, be good for Sara and Roy please." 

"I'll help." Roy's on his feet before Sara who wiggles her toes in the sand and waves you both off. It's a short walk to the beach bar, but it's busy so Roy gets you both a beer while you wait. Space is limited but there's one side of a picnic bench spare for you to share. Your knees knock together as people squeeze by and there's hardly enough room for you to sit side by side. He turns on the bench to put one leg either side of the seat and you mirror him. Your back is to his chest but you don't lean back into him. His fingertip traces the strap of your dress from the top of your shoulder down to where it joined the back of your dress, across the centre of your back and up the other strap. His touch makes you shiver, even in the heat of the sun. "You need more cream, you're going pink," he said, "and you have freckles here." His knuckle grazes a line from the back of your ear into the dip of your neck and it's all you can do to breathe normally. The waitress comes over with a tray full of food cartons which you accept, grateful to give your hands something to do. You get up from the bench and hold the tray in one hand so you can offer the other to Roy while he bears his weight on his bad knee to get up from the table. You did it with such little fuss or acknowledgement that he's left staring after you as you start back down the beach to Sara and the girls. You find shade in the afternoon and take it in turns sitting with the bags to get out of the heat while the girls barely stop for more suncream and water. By the time you all pile back into the train home, they're exhausted and you're not much more awake. The return journey is quieter so you get a table with 4 seats. The girls squeeze into one and fall asleep almost instantly. Sara curls into Phoebe and watches out the window. She smiles across at you,

"Such a fucking great idea." She repeats your comment from earlier. 

"We're stopping over next time," you laugh quietly so you don't wake the kids, "I'm knackered!" She agrees and lets her eyes close. You do the same thing, your head coming to rest on Roy's shoulder. As you get back into the city, he brushes the hair from your eyes, 

"Time to wake up, nearly home." Your initial reaction is to push your face further into him, but this only makes him laugh. "Come on, and you," he kicks Sara under the table. No one is happy to be woken up. You drag yourselves to the underground, into a train back to Richmond and finally into Roy's car. It's not even that late - but it's been a long day. He drops Phoebe and Sara off first and then makes his way to yours. Living between the two has been a big bonus in terms of how much they've helped out with Lexie. She's asleep in the car, so he picks her up and carries her up the path. Once you've unlocked the house, he puts her on the sofa while you dump the overflowing bags in the hallway - forgotten hats and stuffed toys from the arcade spilling out. 

"Beer?" You whisper from the doorway, and he nods. You drink them standing side by side in the kitchen. You can't wait for a shower, your skin feels sticky with suncream, sea water, and the ice cream and sweets you've been eating all day. He pushes you gently with his arm, 

"Today was fucking brilliant."

"It really was. You must have spent a fortune winning those toys for the girls."

"Worth it. Won one for you as well, don't forget."

"How could I? I've always wanted a neon pink rubber duck." You grin. "It can keep me company in the bath."

"You're fucking killing me." He mutters, shaking his head. 

"What?"

"I've had to watch you in that swimsuit all fucking day and then you go and say shit like that?" He puts his empty bottle down and turns to stand in front of you, one hand either side of you on the kitchen counter. You're boxed in, but he's giving you enough space. You can tell he's giving you just enough time to say no, if that's what you want to do. You hold his gaze and don't say anything, the tiniest glance at his mouth is all the confirmation he needs to take the same step forward as he did a couple of weeks before. This time when his nose brushes against yours, it's less timid. He captures your mouth in a hot and fierce kiss. You turn your head just so, giving him better access and the hands that had stayed patiently on the counter were on you in half a second. One up in your hair and the other on your hip, your waist, the small of your back, bringing you as close as possible. Your hands move up his arms and around his neck, nails dragging through his hair. You've never been kissed like this before, never. It's so full of longing that it takes your breath away. His body presses against you, pushing you into the counter, his good knee between yours. Your head falls back so you can try to catch your breath but it's impossible when he moves to kiss a path down your neck. You can't help but moan as he nips at your sunburnt skin. You want more, so much more, but you know Lexie is only in the next room and the last thing you'd want is for her to wake up. The kiss has you in pieces already, it's intoxicating. He comes back to your mouth again for a slightly tamer kiss, "you taste like sunshine," he smiles. You open your eyes just to see it and it's beautiful. Both breathless, he takes the smallest step back. Somewhere in the hallway, your phone rings, bringing you both back to reality. You let it ring, reluctant to move away from his touch, eyes still only on each other, when Lexie brings the phone in with a big yawn.

"It's daddy." She says, handing it to you, and you see the defeat in Roy's eyes.

~~~~~

[chelseachilly]

the easy silence that you make for me

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: you’ve been struggling with anxiety due to stress at work recently, and you refuse to let ben see it until he flies you out to mykonos for the weekend and you can’t keep it in anymore (fluff + light angst) warnings: mentions of an anxiety attack word count: 5k

author’s note: thanks to the anon who requested this, it was nice to write something quick (which ended up being 5k lmao) before embarking on my next ben multi-chap! if anyone has any more concept/one-shot requests for ben in the meantime feel free to send them my way 🥰

-

After an exhausting season for Chelsea and a particularly difficult one for Ben with his second major injury in two years and missing the World Cup, you know badly he’s in need of a holiday.

When he tells you of his travel plans with the boys for the beginning of summer, a part of you feels relieved that he’s going to finally get the chance to unwind with his mates and leave the past year behind him.

Another part of you, though, is dreading him being away.

You haven’t wanted to bother Ben with it, as he’s had enough of his own stuff going on, but work has been kicking your arse lately. You got promoted recently and although it seemed great at first, it’s more responsibility than you anticipated and much more stress.

The only solace you’ve found during this time has been in Ben. Although you haven’t let him see how much you’re struggling, just his presence is incredibly comforting to you. To come home after a long, terrible day and find him standing in the kitchen making you dinner in his underwear, a bright smile on his face when he sees you, is all the remedy you need.

The moment he leaves for Spain, you feel your mental health start to decline. You know you can’t be with him all the time, and you’ve certainly dealt with separations before when he was away on international break, but this is by far the hardest one yet.

Ben texts you constantly throughout the trip, updating you on the fun he’s having with the boys at the F1 and telling you how much he wishes you were there with him. Obviously, you can’t take weeks off to follow him around Europe, as much as you wish you could.

You struggle more and more as the first two weeks of his time away comes to an end. The days are long, as you work yourself to the bone and come home completely exhausted, but the nights are even harder as you find it increasingly difficult to fall asleep without Ben next to you.

One night, when you know for a fact that Ben is chilling with the boys at the house they’ve rented in Mykonos as you’re tossing and turning in bed, you admit defeat and reach for your phone to text him. It’s a couple hours later there, but they’re probably still up.

You Hey, are you still awake? x

Ben ❤️ Yeah, what’s up baby? Everything ok?

You Just having trouble sleeping

Your phone starts ringing within seconds, and you accept Ben’s call right away.

“Hi,” you mumble quietly into the phone, sitting up a bit in bed.

“Are you alright, love?” Ben asks you, his voice full of concern.

“I’m fine,” you say quickly, snuggling into the pillow that still smells a bit like him. “I just miss you.”

It’s not the entire truth, but you know it’s all you can say to him without him booking a flight home to you this instant and abandoning his holiday, so you leave it at that.

“Oh, babe, I miss you too,” Ben sighs. “One more week, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree halfheartedly, though that feels like centuries right now.

“Are you really okay?” Ben asks worriedly. “Because I can come home-“

“No way, Ben,” you cut him off. “You’re not coming home early for me, I won’t allow it.”

“But-“

“I’m fine, I swear,” you lie. “I just needed to hear your voice for a bit.”

That part is true - Ben’s soft, soothing voice is like music to your ears, making you feel more relaxed already.

There are muffled voices on the other end for a moment, and then Ben speaks again.

“Why don’t you fly out after work tomorrow and spend the weekend here?”

Although the thought of being in Ben’s arms less than 24 hours from now is incredibly appealing, you can’t help but feel hesitant.

For one thing, you don’t want to spend the money on a last-minute flight, and though you know Ben will offer to pay for it, you don’t like how much money he spends on you as it is.

You also feel a bit weird crashing his boys trip, knowing that none of the other guys’ girlfriends are there at the moment and you would be the only one.

When you voice these concerns to Ben, however, he won’t hear it.

“Babe, don’t be silly, we’d love to have you. I just asked the boys and they all agreed,” he insists. “And I’m getting you a flight right now-“

“Ben, I-“

“Look, I miss you like crazy too, so it’s more of a gift for me than anything else,” he tells you. “We’ll just have a nice relaxing weekend and you’ll be back at work for Monday. Please, Y/N?”

You pause for a moment, but you know you’re incapable of saying no to him, especially when you miss him this badly and are struggling so much.

“Alright, I’ll come,” you say with a small smile.

“Yes! I can’t wait to see you,” Ben responds, and you can hear his grin through the phone. “I’ll send you the flight details and pick you up at the airport when you get here. Just try to get some sleep now, okay?”

The thought of being able to fall asleep in his arms tomorrow is just enough to be able to lull you to rest tonight, so after exchanging “I love you”s you bid him goodnight and close your eyes.

-

The next day, your anxiety persists as you hurry to finish up your work responsibilities so that you can make your flight on time.

Unfortunately, a last-minute emergency (which there seem to be a lot of these days) at the office means that you have to scramble to get out of there on time to get home, pack, and make your way to the airport.

Your stress dissipates a bit as you settle in for the flight, enjoying the comfy first class seat Ben got you and a couple glasses of champagne. Most importantly, you remind yourself that you’ll soon be by Ben’s side and everything will be right in your world again.

By the time you land on Mykonos, you’re already feeling a bit better, but it’s nothing compared to when you see your boyfriend for the first time in two weeks.

He’s standing in the arrivals area, wearing a simple black t-shirt and shorts with his blue Nikes. He’s slightly tan, his hair is a bit tousled, and he looks more relaxed than you’ve seen him all year. He also looks incredibly attractive to you right now (even more so than usual) which could be his whole holiday vibe or the fact that you haven’t seen him in weeks - or both.

The moment he sees you, his bright blue-green eyes that rival the colour of the sea you just flew over light up and his face stretches into a smile.

He jogs over to you with open arms and you meet him halfway, dropping your bag to throw your arms around him and hug him tightly.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Ben mumbles into your hair as he hugs you just as close, briefly lifting your feet off the ground. “God, I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” you sigh into his neck, pressing a few quick kisses there. “So much, Ben.”

You could almost cry from the relief of being held by him, his hand rubbing circles on your lower back and the scent of his aftershave as you breathe him in making your worries melt away.

When Ben tries to pull back a bit and you reflexively cling to him tighter, not ready to let him go, he just tightens his grip on you and presses a kiss to your temple.

“Is everything okay, love?” he whispers near your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

Of course, after a couple of years together, Ben is able to read you pretty easily. Between your phone call last night and the way you’re clinging to him like a lifeline right now, it’s fairly obvious that something is up with you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say to him, grateful your face is still buried in his neck so he can’t tell you’re lying.

You aren’t all good, but you are better than you’ve been since he left, and you aren’t going to waste your weekend together before another week and a half apart. There’s still a pit of anxiety in your stomach, but you’re determined to not let that ruin your time with him or his holiday.

To prove your point, you pull back from him and take his face in your hands, admiring him for a moment before pulling him in for a long kiss.

He sighs into your mouth and grips your waist tighter as you kiss him, both of you wanting it to escalate more than you reasonably can in the middle of an airport.

When you pull away, resting your forehead against his for a moment, you think the kiss may have erased Ben’s previous concern from his mind, but no such luck.

“You promise you’re alright?” Ben murmurs, cupping your face and brushing your cheek with his thumb. “I was worried about you last night.”

Your heart swells with affection for a moment at his gentle concern, but then you remember this is the last thing you want - Ben should be relaxing, not worrying about you.

“I promise, babe,” you say with another gentle peck to his lips. “I was just missing you, but I’m good now. Perfect, actually.”

Ben nods, though he still looks slightly unconvinced. He does drop the subject though, at least for now.

Grabbing your bag in one hand and your hand in the other, Ben leads you out of the airport to the car that’s waiting to take you back to the house.

You can tell how much lighter he seems than the last time you saw him, telling you excitedly about everything he and the boys have been getting up to and how nice it’s been.

When you arrive at the beautiful house with an infinity pool overlooking the sea, you’re greeted with enthusiasm by all of Ben’s mates. They’re always nice to you, and have been since you first met them at the beginning of the relationship, but you wonder if Ben told them to be extra nice or something - Harvey has you in a tight hug and Anish is offering you a cocktail before you’re even through the door.

You all settle into the patio furniture out back with some drinks and dinner that the guys made, enjoying some music and the gorgeous sunset over the water. It takes you a bit of time to ease into the relaxation after being so tense for weeks, but it’s hard not to feel at total peace when you’re in such a beautiful place surrounded by people you love.

You’re curled up on the sofa with Ben, your legs draped over his lap and your hands intertwined, when the idea of going to a club is suggested.

While all the others are in agreement, Ben turns to you and murmurs quietly in your ear.

“Totally up to you, babe,” he says. “I’d be just as happy to stay here with you and watch a film or something.”

As appealing as it sounds to stay in alone with Ben, all the boys seem to be buzzing to go out and you don’t want to put a damper on things by insisting he stay here with you.

“No, let’s go,” you say with a small smile, trying to encourage yourself as well. “It’ll be fun, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ben grins, leaning in to kiss you.

You quickly get ready while Ben takes a quick shower, grateful that you remembered to bring one outfit suitable for going out, a simple light blue dress with matching heels.

You’re just doing up the straps on your shoes, sitting on the bed, when Ben walks out of the bathroom with just a towel around his waist. You take a moment to admire your boyfriend, your eyes raking over his defined muscles.

“You look incredible,” Ben says, walking in your direction with a smile on his face.

“You look pretty good right now, too,” you tease, very obviously checking him out.

“Oh yeah?” Ben smirks, coming closer and bending down to kiss you.

“Mhm,” you mumble against his lips, hands resting on his bare shoulders as you anchor yourself to him, pulling him in for another deep kiss.

You’re interrupted by the sound of someone knocking, immediately followed by Tom’s voice on the other side of the door.

“I’ve ordered the Uber, hurry up you two!”

Ben groans and reluctantly pulls away from you with one more quick kiss.

“To be continued,” he says emphatically as he goes to get dressed.

“Definitely,” you chuckle, already looking forward to getting lost in him the moment you get back tonight.

Within ten minutes, you’re all out the door and on the way to the club. It’s a big, glamorous beachfront club that’s already packed with hundreds of people by the time you arrive. Clubbing was never really your thing, but you’ve found that the ones Ben and his friends go to - on the higher end, with decent music and comfy booths - are generally pretty fun.

Harvey gives your names at the door and soon you’re immersed in the party, Ben’s arm wrapped protectively around your waist as you navigate the room to get to the VIP section.

The first hour or so you’re there is mostly nice, enjoying the feeling of being pressed up against Ben’s side as you sip on overpriced champagne and enjoy the music. You have fun chatting and catching up with all the boys about their various work endeavours and the girls they’re seeing.

You try to suppress thoughts of work and all the stress that is waiting for you when you return to reality on Monday, and you’re mostly successful.

Until you make the mistake of checking your phone in the bathroom and see a million work-related emails that have piled up since you last looked.

You know everything can wait til after your little weekend getaway is over, but the thought of facing another week of hell without Ben home to calm your nerves is enough to make you begin to spiral. You’re already at your stress limit, and you’re not sure how much more you can take before you hit your breaking point.

Suddenly feeling a need to get back to your group - specifically to Ben - you rush out of the washroom.

The bright strobe lights and the loud music, compounded with the way your mind is already racing makes it hard to breathe. You’re completely disoriented as you look around the room, trying to remember where you’re going as you navigate the sea of people.

All the negative thoughts swimming around in your brain and the stress are heightening your senses, and you nearly lose your footing, having to grab onto a railing for stability.

“Y/N? What are you - are you alright?”

You’re calmed slightly by the familiar voice, managing to look up and meet eyes with Tom in the midst of your impending panic attack. He looks confused and a bit worried, obviously not understanding what’s wrong with you. You don’t really know what’s wrong with you in the moment either, just that you can’t breathe properly and you need Ben.

“Did something happen?” Tom asks again, still frantic.

“I-I can’t-“ you try to say, grabbing Tom’s arm for stability as you once again begin to falter. “Can you-I need-“

Tom says something quickly to Harvey, who you hadn’t even realized was there until just now. A moment later, Harvey is gone, and Tom is gently grabbing your shoulders and leading you away from the music and the crowd.

You don’t notice that he’s taking you outside until you feel the slightly cool air hit you, providing you with some relief and making it somewhat easier to breathe.

Tom leads you to a nearby bench and helps you sit down, and though he’s rubbing your back and trying to talk to you comfortingly, you don’t really register it.

“I need-can you get Ben?” you ask him once you’re able to get a few more words out, and Tom nods immediately.

“He’s coming, don’t worry,” he assures you. “Just try to breathe, he’ll be right here.”

You nod, shutting your eyes tightly to fight back the tears and trying to breathe as well as you can.

As promised, within a few moments you feel a pair of warm hands on yours and you open your eyes to see Ben kneeling in front of you, looking up at you with wide and terrified eyes.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asks you, looking from you to Tom, who is able to offer no explanation. “Are you hurt? Did someone-“

“No, no,” you manage to choke out, wanting to quell his fears before his mind can run too far. “I just-I was trying to find you and I couldn’t-there were so many people and I just-“

You know he still doesn’t fully understand what’s wrong, as you’ve never struggled much with crowds of people before. You’ve been to loads of parties and events together, you’ve supported him in stadiums of thousands of people, and it’s never been an issue. Nevertheless, when you begin to cry more freely, your body continuing to tremble, he quickly moves into the spot Tom has vacated for him and pulls you into his arms.

“Hey, sweetheart, it’s alright,” he murmurs into your hair as he holds you tightly, pulling you closer until you’re basically in his lap. “You found me, I’m here now. I’ve got you.”

You bury your face in his chest, your tears staining his white t-shirt as you cry. Although you can feel the panic in your chest lessening with every second in Ben’s presence, the full weight of all the stress and emotions of the last few months hits you like a freight train.

Ben continues to murmur soothing words to you, stroking your hair with one hand and rubbing your back with the other as your sobs gradually wane.

You manage to get your breathing under control, soaking up the comfort of his touch and the gentle words he’s whispering in your ear.

Eventually, you pull back from him, wiping your mascara-streaked cheeks. Ben is still looking at you with immense concern, one of his hands coming up to cup your cheek.

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

You nod your head, grabbing his other hand and squeezing it tightly. You know you need to open up to him. This breakdown is proof that you can’t keep holding it in anymore.

“Okay, I’ll call an Uber,” he says with a quick kiss to your forehead.

“Actually, can we wait a few minutes? Maybe take a walk?” you ask. “I think I just need a bit more fresh air before getting in the car.”

“Of course, babe, let me just tell the boys-“

Before Ben can finish the thought, your friends reappear, having given you some privacy so Ben could comfort you. With a gentle smile, Harvey passes you a glass of water, which you gratefully take.

“You feeling better, Y/N?” Anish asks.

“Yeah, thanks, just got a bit overwhelmed in there,” you say, sipping the cold water. “Sorry, guys, didn’t mean to ruin the night like this.”

“Don’t be silly, you haven’t,” Tom insists. “We were just worried about you.”

You nod appreciatively, laying your head on Ben’s shoulder for a moment as you continue to come down from the panic attack, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your bare knee.

“You want me to call a car, Chilly?”

“Nah, thanks, mate,” Ben says. “We’re just gonna go for a walk and cool down a bit, you guys go on inside and we’ll see you back at the house.”

“Alright,” Harvey smiles, squeezing your shoulder gently. “Glad you’re okay. See you later.”

The boys all bid you goodbye and go back into the club, leaving you and Ben alone once more. He carefully helps you to your feet, and you lean on him even though you’re much steadier than you were before.

“Wanna go down to the beach?” Ben asks, gesturing toward a path that leads to the shimmering blue water.

You nod, taking his hand in yours and intertwining your fingers as he leads you down the path.

The beach is totally quiet at this time of night, a stark contrast from the loud and bustling club you just left, and you hold Ben’s arm for stability as you take off your heels to carry them. The feeling of the sand beneath your feet and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore helps to calm your senses.

You find a nice, secluded spot to sit and look out at the ocean. Before you can even complain of the slight chill, Ben removes his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders.

“Thank you,” you whisper, reaching out to grab his hand again, needing to maintain physical contact with him.

“Of course,” Ben says, squeezing your hand. “Will you please tell me what’s going on now, babe? You’ve seemed a bit off since you got here, and last night on the phone. I’m worried about you.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you say. “I didn’t want to ruin your holiday with all this, I’ve just been struggling a bit lately. Work has gotten crazy stressful and so much stuff is piling up on me, it’s been making my anxiety a lot worse than it usually is. Tonight I just happened to check my work email in the toilets and I guess it triggered me, then the noise and the lights and everything were really overwhelming and I could tell I was about to have a panic attack. Luckily, Tom found me before it got too bad.”

Ben, who knows you’ve dealt with anxiety in the past and particularly in uni, just nods in understanding.

“You’ve been struggling these whole two weeks I’ve been gone?” he asks, visibly upset that you’re just telling him now.

It makes it even harder to tell him the full truth, but you know the point of this conversation is to be truly honest with him, even if it’s difficult.

“A few months, actually,” you confess. You see how his face falls completely, and you immediately elaborate. “I know I should’ve told you, but you’ve had such a tough year with the club and the World Cup and everything, I couldn’t bring myself to burden you with anything else.”

His eyes flash with a million different emotions, and for a moment you think he’s going to be mad at you, but he ends up just letting out a defeated sigh.

“You could never be a burden to me, Y/N,” Ben says firmly. “You’re everything to me. It doesn’t matter what I have going on, I need you to tell me if you’re going through something like this. Always.”

“I know, I will,” you reply, squeezing his hand again.

He takes your joined hands and brings them to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of your knuckles.

“I am so sorry I didn’t realize there was something going on earlier,” Ben says after a moment, shaking his head. “I feel like the world’s shittiest boyfriend.”

“Don’t apologize, baby, you’ve been going through a lot yourself,” you remind him.

“Yeah, but you’ve been there for me through all of it. Helping me when I was injured and talking me through every loss, week after week,” Ben sighs, the memories of the past season still fresh. “And I didn’t even know you were dealing with your own problems.”

“It’s alright, Ben, I promise,” you say with a small smile, reaching up to cup his cheek. “I’ve been managing okay, just being with you helps a lot. It’s been hardest these couple weeks you’ve been away.”

“I’m so sorry, if I had known I would have-“

“I know, that’s why I didn’t say anything,” you tell him, your thumb stroking his sweet, concerned features. “You needed this holiday. I didn’t want you to be worrying about me.”

Ben wraps his arm around you and pulls you closer, pressing a kiss to your temple and lingering there.

“Baby,” he murmurs so softly that your heart melts. “I love you, but I need you to be honest with me from now on. It breaks my heart that you were going through this alone.”

You nod, resting your cheek on his shoulder. “I know.”

“And as for the holiday, I think you’re in need of one, too,” he continues, rubbing your back. “You should tell your boss you’re taking the next week off and come to Italy with me. We’ve got the yacht all week.”

There’s nothing that sounds as appealing to you right now as spending a week in paradise, soaking up the sun and enjoying uninterrupted time with Ben, but you don’t know how well it will go over if you tell your boss you’re taking a week off with almost zero notice.

“Ben, you know I want to, but-“

“Babe, you’ve been working yourself like crazy since you started there. You’re one of their best employees and they would be lost without you,” Ben reminds you. “Tell them you need a break. I’m sure your boss will understand, and if she doesn’t, then maybe you should tell them you’ll reevaluate whether you have a future there.”

You know he’s right, but you’re still nervous to give that ultimatum. You’ve hardly taken any vacation in the past year and you’re certainly overdue for it, but it doesn’t come naturally to you to make demands - even when it’s necessary.

“What if they let me go?”

“Then they would be bloody idiots,” Ben scoffs. “You deserve to work somewhere that lets you prioritize your mental health, love. And if that’s not this job, then quit and we’ll find you something else.”

“I can’t just quit my job, Ben,” you chuckle, fiddling with the too-long sleeves of his jacket you’re wearing.

“You can if it doesn’t make you happy,” he replies without a beat. “And please don’t say need a steady income, because you know I don’t give a shit if you ever work another day in your life.”

While you’re aware that most of Ben’s mates - at least the ones in football - don’t have girlfriends with traditional jobs such as yourself, you’ve always liked making your own money. It’s not that you harbour any judgement for those who don’t, but you think you would go stir-crazy if you spent all your time waiting at home for Ben.

“I appreciate the offer, babe, but I think I just need to find a better work-life balance,” you admit. “Maybe a week off isn’t such a bad idea. I can talk to my boss in the morning.”

Ben’s face lights up and he begins to press little kisses all over your face, making your heart soar.

“Perfect, I was dreading saying goodbye to you again,” he confesses. “I hate sleeping without you.”

“So do I,” you murmur, pressing your lips against his briefly, pulling apart when a thought occurs to you. “I don’t have enough clothes for a week.”

“You won’t need them,” Ben replies without missing a beat, making you laugh and shove his chest playfully. “Or we can go shopping. Whatever you want, love.”

You smile into Ben’s kiss and he deepens it quickly, his arm wrapping around you to tug you impossibly closer. You sigh happily, enjoying the serenity and intimacy of this moment.

When you pull back again, he gently cups your cheek and you lean into his warm palm, pressing a quick kiss there.

“Are you feeling better now?” he asks softly. “Do you want to go back to the house?”

“I am feeling better, but I just want to stay here a little longer if that’s alright.”

“Of course, baby,” Ben smiles, shifting slightly and opening his arms wide so you can lean back against him.

He positions you so you’re inbetween his legs, leaning against his chest, with his arms tightly wrapped around you and your hands clutching his.

You’re both silent for a whole, listening to the sound of the sea and enjoying each other’s touch after a long two weeks without it.

“Promise me one more time that you’ll tell me if you’re ever feeling this way again,” Ben murmurs into your hair after a few minutes. “Because seeing you like that is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I was so worried.”

Your heart aches a bit as you realize what a sight you must’ve been for your poor worried boyfriend, sobbing incoherently outside the club.

“I promise, Ben,” you say with a squeeze of his hand. “I won’t keep anything from you again.”

“Okay,” he breathes, lips pressed to your head. “I love you so much. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this by yourself, but I’m really glad you’re here with me now.”

“I love you too,” you say, snuggling deeper into his arms. “And I’m also really glad I’m here.”

Ben continues to press kisses to your head as you stare out at the sea, the comfort of his touch washing over you like the waves lapping against the shore.

Although there will be more hurdles for both of you to face as you continue your respective careers, you know that as long as you have Ben and ensure that you communicate your feelings, everything will be fine.

And in the meantime, you get to spend a week on a yacht with your hot boyfriend. Life could be a lot worse.

[homestuck-archive]

HOMESTUCK: BEYOND CANON NEWS UPDATE!!

Hi, James here. What a week. What a month. What a year. Hope this update finds you well. About time we heard from these guys.

A lot of things goin on this month, it was just announced that the guys over at Requiem are doing their Homestuck Cafe event again this year for the 15 year anniversary. Neat! I won’t be there and I don’t really have much to do with it, but I’m sure they will talk about it in the coming weeks.They’re also doing a limited run of merch for the event, which is kinda cool. If you are in the Southern California area and are the type of person that likes themed desserts and drinks it could be fun!

What else..? Over on Patreon we ran a poll. If you are a member and hadn’t seen it, it looks like people generally want to stagger releases of paid patron content so that it's not all dumped at the beginning of the month. A lot of little projects are waiting to finalize things with like ONE guy, so hopefully I will have more exciting news for you soon.

I promised a little transparency even when it was mundane, so here’s some updates of where we’re at: as a team we’ve been looking at merch and we have an opportunity to do a few shirts (GOD. DAMMIT. THIS ISN'T PART OF THE NEWS UPDATE BY THE WAY, I JUST HATE MORE SHIRTS. GOD.) as a sort of trial run with a manufacturer and supplier to see if we’re worth it, but I kind of want to make something a little more interesting than say an illustration on a hanes beefy-t. You know what I mean? Not even a long sleeve? C'mon man. Chumi has been reaching out to musicians about this vinyl, but if we can’t get ahold of the last two guys we might just have to go ahead without them which would suck. I’ll try reaching out through other avenues as well.

The new websites got some stuff in the works, but we’ll be halting some of that to focus on a few key updates that are coming up that will require a little more on the technical side. In the meantime, keep those suggestions and typo fixes coming.

As a team we are planning to do something small and fun for the anniversary, so stay tuned for more about that next month.

[tallulahneale]

Title: Who really lives their dream?

Summary: Vince as a pharma tech, alternate reality!

A/n: This is a fluffy wuffy story.

Part Two

It’s been three weeks since Lula joined the team; work has been great and his Creole is even better than when his mom tried to teach him as a kid. But as much as she is boosting his work morale, he is still itching for that something special. So he formulates a plan. Over the next 5 days Vince comes to a conclusion…Thrill! The bigger the risk the greater the reward.

He enjoys being a pharma tech but it’s become mundane and tedious. Time to start building he grins. Vince proceeds to write up some notes, going over the 4 pages of detailed instructions on how to execute. He double checks the note and reads the final page, the limitations. For this to be a long term project he will need Lula, in the meantime time he’ll run it solo.

And so he does.

Monday morning, he goes through the list of patients on the strong stuff, OxyContin, fentanyl and the rest. He makes a note of the shady characters that’ll be easier to convince and bring people. Yeah this is foolproof, he nods, why hasn’t anyone else done this?

——

He heads to work like normal on Tuesday and places an order for the first pack of meds. He looks over at Lula and gives her a friendly smile while he waits for the stock to be accepted and delivered. She smiles back and approaches him. “You’ve been really quiet these past few weeks. Kijan ou ye?”, she’s asked this before so Vince understood, “Yeah I’m good, just working on some stuff y’know. Planning on how to secure my future” he smirks mischievously. Because Lula is new he thinks he can do what he wants and getaway with it, but little does he know Lula has sharp eyes just like him.

She nods back, suspiciously “I get it. If you need to brainstorm or whatever, let me know.” He stares at her. Blankly. She gets a bit uncomfortable and heads back to her corner, confused about whether she said something wrong. “That nigga be on one sometimes”, she mutters to herself and gets back to work. Vince heard he but chose to ignore.

Realising that he was still staring, he looks away. She’s got such a good heart but hella sassy he thinks to himself, if only you knew what I’ve been brewing, you wouldn’t be offering to brainstorm.

The stock comes in the afternoon; OxyContin, Codeine, Fentanyl and Vicodine. He signs for them and leaves the package at the corner of its designated cabinet. He continues with other tasks as they’ll be closing in a few hours.

Lula notices that the meds haven’t been put into the cabinet. “Are these going out to patients tonight?” she asks, about to put them away.

“Nah.” Vince replies.

She brings out the register to check if the entries have been made. She notices that there’s already a lot of old stock and these new ones haven’t been entered “Vince, we close in 15 and this is a lot to write. Can you make sure to enter them in?” She asks tiredly. It’s been a long day and lunch did not hit the stop, she was ready to go home.

“Don’t worry about it, I got it sè”.

Lula smiles and packs her bag, getting ready to clock out. “N a we!”

Just as she turns away, Vince packs the extra stock into his backpack, pretends to write in the register and puts the folder back. This about to be a breeze he smirks to himself as he hops in his car and heads home.

Part three link.

~~

Translations: (n/b not fluent in Creole)

How are you? = Kijan ou ye?

Sister = sè

See you later = N a we!

~~

[punchdrunkdoc]

Part 3, Chapter 15

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness?

Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 4 parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action/violence and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

Reference pics

Sorry for the delay - had the cold from hell!

————–

PART 3

Chapter 15

Calina barely stirred as Matt slipped out of her bed the next morning.

He was more than loathe to leave the warm, comfortable haven but he needed to get ready for work. So he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, pulled the covers up and over her chilled skin, and crept out of her apartment.

He returned forty minutes later, once showered and dressed, with a hammer in one hand and a bunch of nails that he’d found shoved in a box under his sink. This time Calina was a little more alert - and she became more so when he started pounding a nail into the base of her window frame.

“Matt?” she asked, rolling over to face him. “What are you doing?”

“Fixing what I broke last night.” He hammered in another nail to keep the window shut. It wasn’t the neatest job, but it would do until he could arrange for the building Super to mend it.

As long as she was safe in the meantime.

“You came through the window last night?” She sounded befuddled.

“Well, I didn’t have a key to your front door.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

He placed his tools on the window ledge and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to hide his smile. He loved sleepy, confused Calina - he’d missed seeing this side of her.

“No need to apologise, sweetheart. Why don’t you get some more rest?”

She relaxed back against the pillows. “Mmmm, okay. Thank you.”

“For the suggestion, or for the window?”

“For last night,” she explained, stifling a yawn. “I didn’t meant to mess up the whole ‘going slow’ thing.”

“We can go slow tonight.”

She smiled, even as her eyes fell shut. “Mmm, tonight. Our date.”

“That’s right. Our date.” He leaned over and kissed her, feeling her smile against his lips. “See you then, sweetheart.”

“Mmm.”

He smiled at her response - barely more than a hum of noise as she slipped back into slumber - then crept back out of the apartment. As he made his way to work, he searched his phone for possible restaurant options for that night.

And soon realised he’d made a huge mistake: he’d over-promised on this date, and was going to massively underdeliver.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath as he shouldered his way into the main office, his concentration still locked on his phone.

“What’s up?” Foggy asked.

“Everywhere decent is booked up.”

“Huh?”

“I’m trying to arrange dinner for me and Calina for tonight, but everywhere’s booked.”

“Okay, first of all, I’m glad you two worked things out. Secondly, what did you expect, man? You can’t leave these things to the day of. You gotta plan in advance.”

“What’s going on?” Karen asked, emerging from the conference room.

“Matt’s trying to find a restaurant for him and Calina for tonight.”

Karen sucked in a breath. “Good luck. Its crazy these days - you have to book weeks in advance if you want somewhere good.”

“I didn’t know in advance,” Matt replied through gritted teeth. “We only sorted things out between us a few days ago.”

“So what’s the rush?” Foggy asked.

“I already told her we’d do something tonight, and she’s excited about it. It’s our first date.”

Foggy and Karen seemed unimpressed, so Matt spelled it out for them. “Which means its her first date, ever.”

“Oh,” Karen said, sympathy in her voice.

“Yikes. Talk about pressure,” Foggy said. Before Matt could glare at him for the glib response, Foggy continued. “Good thing I’m in a position to help you out.”

“What?” Matt asked. “How?”

“I just so happen to have a reservation for tonight going spare.”

“Again, how?”

“I booked something for Marci and me months ago. Its our anniversary, so I went for something super classy and romantic. But she’s had to go out of town for a big case she’s working on.”

“That sucks, Foggy,” Karen said.

Foggy shrugged and smiled. “She more than made it up to me over the weekend. In several creative and mind-blowing ways, if you catch my drift.”

“I do,” she grimaced. “Unfortunately.”

“So, I can have the reservation?” Matt asked, ignoring their banter.

“I dunno, man. Are you prepared to owe me this big? I mean, we’re talking leave-everything-to-me-in-your-will big. Donate-one-of-your-kidneys big. Nominate-me-for-sainthood big.”

“Its just dinner, Fog.”

Foggy pointed a finger at him. “It’s dinner and dancing, my friend. In the Rainbow Room. At the top of Rockerfeller Plaza, with the Empire State Building right outside the window. Women have been going nuts for that shit since, like, the 30s.”

Matt glanced at Karen. She nodded, reluctantly. “It is pretty spectacular.”

“Then I’ll take it. Especially the dancing. Calina will love that. The will, the kidney, the sainthood is yours, Fog.” He clasped a hand on his friends shoulder and squeezed. “Thanks, buddy.”

———

The knock on the door startled Calina.

Who would be visiting her?

She’d already been to see Mrs Schneider this morning. The Widows were still packing up the safe house and moving all the surveillance gear into storage, and Matt was at work - he’d texted her only twenty minutes ago to confirm their date.

She didn’t really know anyone else.

The knock sounded again. Then a female voice called through the door, “Calina?”

It was a familiar voice. And she realised she did, in fact, know someone else in New York. “Karen?” she called, padding over to the door. She swung it open to find the tall blond smiling at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see if you needed any help.”

Calina stepped aside to let her in. The other woman took a few steps in and stopped, taking in the clothes strewn all over the couch and the outfits hanging on the bedroom door. “I can see that you do.”

Calina hurried over to gather up the items from the couch. “Sorry for the mess. Matt’s taking me out tonight and I was trying to decide what to wear.”

Karen smiled. “Let me guess: he told you to be ready for 8, and that was it.”

Calina shrugged. “He said it was a surprise.”

“Men can be so clueless about this kind of thing. That’s why I came to help.” She held up her hands. “I won’t spoil the surprise, but I’ll make sure you have on the perfect dress for the occasion.”

“Dress? I was just going to wear pants. I have a pair that look really nice with heels and a silk top-”

Karen shook her head. “Uh-uh. I’m sure they look very nice - you could probably wear a burlap sack and look gorgeous - but this venue calls for a bit more glamour.” She dropped her purse on the floor and started wriggling out of her coat. “Let’s see what dresses you have.”

Calina bit her lip. “I only really have one. But it doesn't exactly have the best memories attached to it…”

Karen froze with one arm out of her coat. Then she reversed-course, shrugged it back on and grabbed her purse. “Looks like we’re going shopping, then. Come on.”

Half an hour later they were on the third floor of Nordstrum’s, in the woman’s designer clothing department.

“Okay,” Karen said, clasping her hands together in front of her, as if rallying troops for a battle. “What’s your style? Sexy and daring, frilly and floaty, or somewhere in between?”

Calina shook her head, taken aback by all the choice in front of her. Give her a machete-wielding opponent looking for a fight, or a building schematic written in Japanese, and she’d know what to do…

But this?

She was at a loss.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what my style is.” She’d still been figuring that out when she was uprooted from New York to Maine, then again to New Jersey - where advertising the Widows’ presence with a bunch of online deliveries wouldn’t have been wise.

Besides, prepping for a raid against a megalomaniacal Russian super-villain didn’t exactly leave a lot of time for shopping.

Karen didn’t bat an eyelid. “No problem. Let’s just have a look around and see if anything jumps out at you.”

Calina nodded and approached the nearest rack. But immediately ruled it out. “Too bright.”

“Are you sure? With your colouring, you could definitely pull off something like this.” She tugged at the skirt of a cobalt blue slip dress.

Calina shook her head. “Not me.”

“See?” Karen smiled. “You do know what you like.”

Calina returned the smile, and started browsing through the gowns with more enthusiasm.

Occasionally, Karen would hold something up to gauge her opinion, which Calina was always quick to decisively offer.

“Too many ruffles.”

“I don’t like those sleeves.”

“There’s not a lot of give in that material.”

“Yeah,” Karen agreed, replacing the tight silk dress to its rack. “You’ll need to be able to move.”

“Why?” Calina asked, worried. “Is Matt expecting trouble? Are we going to be forced to fight at some point?”

Karen gave her a strange look. “No," she said slowly. "I just meant- actually, I can’t tell you what I meant. But there won’t be fighting.” She rolled her eyes. “Although with Matt’s luck, you never know.”

Calina smiled. “And mine. It would probably be safer if we just stayed on the couch and ordered take-out.”

“No. You’re going to go out, and have fun, and look amazing while you do it.” She turned away to rifle through the Mark Jacobs display.

Calina watched her for a few moments, feeling confused. “Why are you helping me like this?” she finally asked. “Isn’t it awkward? Given your history with Matt…”

“Matt and I were barely a thing. I mean, I did have feelings for him for a long time…but they were feelings for a version of Matt that didn’t really exist. Or a version that wasn’t the complete him.” She shook her head. “I’m not explaining this well.”

“You mean the version that wasn’t Daredevil.”

Karen sighed. “Yeah. It took him a long time to tell me the truth about his alter ego. Long after I’d already fallen for him, and after we’d started dating. And that truth shifted something. Or, it was more like all the lies shifted something. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. He’s still a great man. An amazing, brave, caring man. Just not the one I’d built up in my head. And I could never reconcile that man with the one who lied to me, and pushed me to the side when his mission and Elektra came calling-”

Karen noticed something in Calina’s expression and hurried to explain. “But you don’t have to worry about that. Elektra’s long gone, and he’s in a better place now - not as obsessive as he used to be about being Daredevil. There was a time when he threw his whole life away to just be the man in the mask, but I can’t imagine him doing that now. Not when he has you. You’ve made him whole. That’s why I can help you. Because I see how good you are for him, and how happy you’ve made him.”

Calina barely noticed the compliment, and she hadn’t been worried by the idea of Elektra, or of Matt being Daredevil - she was too fixated on the the other thing Karen had said:

‘The lies shifted something.’

There were some stark parallels between Matt's relationship with Karen, and the one he now shared with her - and they weren't good parallels.

"I haven’t always made him happy," Calina admitted. "I sometimes think I’ve hurt him more often than I’ve brought him any comfort or joy. The way he lied to you, I lied to him. I kept secrets from him and hid who I really was. And I’m scared it will eventually shift something in him, the way it shifted in you. That he’ll eventually realise I’m not who he thought I was. That I'm not…worth it."

Karen stopped sifting through the dress rack in front of her, and looked up to meet Calina's eyes. "Is there something else you're not telling him?" 

She sounded serious, and ready to do battle for her friend, so Calina rushed to reassure her. "No! Everything's out in the open between us. I mean, he doesn't know my complete life story-"

Karen scoffed. "He doesn't need to. He's not entitled to every moment from your life before you guys met. As long as you're honest about the big things."

"I am. Now," she added, with a slight wince.

Karen shrugged. "Well, then, you shouldn't worry."

"But all the lies I told-"

"Were probably matched by the lies he told you. Unless he introduced himself as Daredevil the moment you met."

"No, of course not."

"Matt's not a saint when it comes to honesty in relationships. Don't put him on some pedestal."

The irony of that statement was not lost on Calina - she'd beseeched Matt to not put her on a pedestal earlier in their relationship. Was she now guilty of the same thing?

"Matt doesn't trust easily," Karen continued. "I'm sure he's told you why."

"He told me that he's been betrayed and lied to a lot. By his old mentor, Elektra, his mother."

"He told you about his mother?"

"Yes."

Karen suddenly smiled, her earlier concern gone. "That just proves how much he trusts you. And even if you broke that trust once, the fact that he's still with you - and desperately wants to make it work with you - should tell you how much he loves you. Concentrate on that, not your past mistakes."

Calina nodded, knowing that it was good advice. She just didn't know how well she'd be able to follow it. As she'd learned over the past few months, her self-esteem issues ran deep. 

"Thank you," she told the other woman. "And I’m sorry for offloading all that onto you. You just came to help me pick out an outfit, not act as my therapist."

Karen shrugged. "This is what girlfriends are for - shopping and relationship advice. Or so I gather. I’ve never really had female friends."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I lost my mom when I was younger, and since then, all the people of consequence in my life have been men. My Dad. My brother. And then Foggy and Matt. Ben. David, of course. And even Frank."

“Matt mentioned Ben to me. The journalist, right? But who’s Frank?”

Karen laughed. “Frank…is Frank. And the story of Frank is a long, and violent one. Probably best told over wine and cocktails and not in front of $500 dresses.”

Calina laughed. “I look forward to hearing it. And to the drinking. That sounds like fun.”

“It’s a date.” Karen re-focussed on the clothes in front of her. “But lets get you sorted out for tonight’s adventure first.” She held up yet another option. “What do you think of florals?”

———

She didn’t go for florals. Or ruffles. Or a bold colour. 

In the end, the perfect dress was found by touch.

“Are you sure?” Karen asked when Calina unearthed the dress from the sale section. “Its more of an autumn dress than a spring one - that’s why its reduced. It’s quite…muted.”

It was muted - in both colour and style. Just a knee length, one-shouldered, cocktail dress. There was some draping in the back that left a lot of her skin exposed, meaning there was some interest to the design...but overall it was quite simple.

Classy and chic and simple.

Which, Calina discovered, appeared to be her style.

The main selling point, though, was the fabric. A sumptuous, luxurious velvet, which she knew Matt would love. He wouldn’t see the colour, or the silhouette, but he’d feel the dress against her skin. And that was the most important thing.

She explained her reasoning to Karen, and the other woman smiled. “The feminist in me would usually advise you to dress for yourself, not for a man…but I think an exception can be made in this case.”

Calina smiled, then headed for the register to pay for the dress.

She admired it now - hours later - in the full length mirror of her bedroom, twisting to check the fit in the back. Strappy heels adorned her feet and a couple of simple gold bangles dangled from her wrist, completing the look.

She was ready. 

For her date.

Calina smoothed her hands over the front of her dress and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling nervous.

Which was ridiculous. She’d been with Matt for months now. They’d slept together. Confessed their love. Survived crucible after crucible.

A first date was nothing compared to all that.

But still…the nerves persisted.

Or maybe it wasn’t nerves. Maybe it was just anticipation. A bubbling, fluttery kind of excitement that she’d never felt before. 

She nearly exploded with that emotion when a soft rap sounded at the door. She skipped across the living room - as fast as the heels and the skirt of the dress would allow - and pulled open the door.

“Hi,” she said, greeting the man standing in the hallway.

He looked amazing.

To be fair, he always looked good in a suit - his office attire emphasised his trim figure and broad shoulders almost as well as his red Daredevil costume. But there was something different about this suit. It was deep black in colour and seemed tailored to every line of his body. The crisp white shirt looked expensive, and the narrow black tie was modern and chic.

And the ever-present red glasses made him look cool as hell.

“You look so handsome,” she breathed.

He smiled and leaned in to brush his lips across her cheek. “Thank you.” He lingered against her skin, breathing deeply. “You smell amazing. As always.”

He stepped back, and offered her the roses he held in one hand - it said a lot about how good he looked that she hadn’t even noticed the bouquet.

“Thank you,” she said, taking the beautiful blood red stems. “I always love it when you bring me flowers.”

“I’ve only done it once before,” he replied, referencing the solitary blossom he’d once carried across the rooftops of the city.

She shrugged. “I still love it.” She carried the roses over to the kitchen and started hunting for a suitable container to put them in.

“Then I’ll have to do it more often.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she replied quickly. “I wasn’t dropping hints or anything.”

He chuckled. “I know, sweetheart.”

She reached up to the cupboard over the fridge, her fingers grasping for the mason jar on the top shelf. She went on to her tip toes, struggling to reach the glass.

“Need help?” Matt asked from behind her.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “With me in these heels, we’re actually the same height. So unless you want to give me a boost…?”

He laughed again. “Why don’t you just put the flowers in a mug, and we can sort it out later. We need to get going or we’ll miss our reservation.”

Calina came down from her toes and stepped back, bumping into Matt. He grabbed her waist to steady her, his fingers clutching at the velvety material of her dress. Even when she regained her balance, he kept his hands on her, running his palms slowly down her sides.

“This feels nice,” he murmured, exploring more of the dress. He dropped his head to press a kiss to her neck, bared by the loose bun holding her hair up. His hands came around her front, over her stomach and up to her breasts. “This feels very nice.”

She smiled, glad that she’d chosen the right dress, and tilted her head to give him better access. His hands traced the shape of the garment, sweeping over her shoulders and down her back. He caressed her bare skin, sending shivers of delight down her spine. “Very nice,” he repeated.

“That’s not the dress,” she smirked.

“It isn’t?” he asked, his voice a rumbling whisper against her skin. “Feels just as soft.”

She laughed and stepped away from him. “Very smooth, Counsellor. But I thought we had to leave?”

He grabbed her hand, tried to pull her back into his arms. “We can be late.”

She laughed. “I don’t want to be late - I want to see where we’re going. I’ve been curious all day!”

Her curiosity had to wait another twenty minutes. By the time they’d hailed a cab and battled through the traffic on 48th street, it was close to 8pm by the time they made it to the top of Rockefellar plaza.

But it was worth it.

When she stepped foot in the Rainbow Room, her breath was taken away. It was a spacious room, filled with white linen-covered tables, most of which were occupied by women in gorgeous dresses and men in sharp suits. The tables were arranged around a hardwood floor inlaid with a large star in dark mahogany, and a band of musicians in white tuxedos played a slow jazzy tune on the raised dais.

Despite the size of the room, the atmosphere was intimate. Romantic. White lilies formed centrepieces on each table, and the soft flickering light from dozens of candles glinted off the crystals of the chandelier overhead.

Best of all, the nightscape of New York was visible through the floor-to-ceiling windows lining the room. The empire state building loomed large, its top floors illuminated in hues of green and blue and the spire a beacon of white light.

The whole scene was…magical.

It was the perfect venue for the perfect first date.

————–

Chapter 16

If you want to see pics of the dress and the venue, check out the reference post (link in the blurb at the top).

Tag list: @hollandorks @stilldreaming666 @sio-ina-bottle @tearoseart-blog @acharliecoxedfan @freckledbabyyy

If you’d like to be added - let me know!

[ireallyamabear]

okay i thought about it and here is what i would do if I was put in charge of Lucasfilm: first i would wonder how i came to be in this position, but i do have some memory issues so I just go with it. then i cancel all upcoming star wars properties, not only the shows and movies but all the books and comics, videogames and even the lego star wars shorts. i beef up the Lucasfilm legal division, pulling the most promising young lawyers from all over the world who never watched star wars ever. their goal: draft up a legal document that will make it impossible to produce any star wars content ever again. meanwhile the internet is wondering what my next move will be, as i’m a total newcomer to the world of media. then I’ll announce the only project we will be doing that year: a 20 minute black and white short prequel about skeen in an imperial prison. ebon moss-bachrach doesn’t want to do it at first but I pay him 360 million dollars. in the meantime, the team of lawyers is working 35 hour weeks (i’m a good employer) towards my secret goal.

reddit twitter and tumblr are united for the first time in wanting to boycott the skeen movie (that’s the title btw), but when it releases everyone is so starved for sw content they watch it anyway. it is massively controversial because it depicts prisoners eating each other out of desperation, but the ones that are eaten aren’t humans so it’s unclear if it’s cannibalism. i can’t even watch it because i forgot this squicks me out a lot. i gave the creative team total freedom, which might have been a mistake.

during all of this my home life is shit, but let’s not talk about that. i do 12 hour zoom calls everyday because I refused to relocate to california, but then my home address gets doxxed and i have to move to an undisclosed location in the middle of the night (there are a lot of threats against me). people are absolutely hating me, asking for mando season 4, asking for andor season 2 (i have seen the screeners and it is good, btw). dave filoni and jon favreau write an open letter to ask me to reconsider the pause on star wars production but i respond in the only way i know how - with the mariah carey “i don’t even know her” gif. after a while, favreau moves on to develop a vr based immersive series about ultimate fighting about his character in friends. by all accounts, he’s happy.

one of the lawyers betrays me and leaks my plans to the world. fans are in outrage. it’s clear now that i’m planning to ban any sw related media, deep fakes, adaptations, hell, even re-releases of the old stuff. why? i’m not available for comment. from now on, star wars will only exist in your memory, the only place it has ever been good.

there’s an outpouring of fan creativity in the wake of that bombshell leak. people begin to make fan films that are so good and creative that a new wave of avant garde scifi film making is ushered in. a person who worked on the andor set gets massively famous with their spoken word rendition of the scenes they can remember. i go after them with everything Lucasfilm has. this makes the video of their performance even more popular and it becomes the 2nd ever most viewed clip on Vimeo.

other streaming services green-light a mass of scifi and fantasy shows just in case they have the next sw on their hands - entertainment abhors a vacuum. There are so many good new properties, it’s an embarrassment of riches. my favourite of them all gets cancelled after one season though - I will never be sure if it’s because of my bad karma or because someone blabbed about my preferences and this was retaliation. i can’t trust anybody in my inner circle. All over the world, people still are wondering why I did it, but in the end, they are much happier now. sometimes little kids see a star wars toy - one of the few ones that didn’t get destroyed in the five waves of merchandise burnings I had ordered over the years - and asks their parents about it. “It’s nothing.” the skeen movie gets a throwback oscar for special effects twenty years later.

Anyway, what would you do.

[heybaetae]

i have no one to talk about it and you're always so open, so i'm just really getting this out of my chest, you don't need to answer if you don't want to

I'm so sad, i've been crying a lot every day since the announcement came. this was so unexpected (at least for me) and there was no time to emotionally prepare too... there were articles coming out before saying that all of them would have enlisted by december, but it was never confirmed by the members themselves, so i still had my doubts. then, out of nowhere, "hello, 4 members are enlisting at once"

they are working so much and you couldn't tell if this or that was gonna be released in 2024 or still this year. and then i thought "well, i have to prepare myself for the end of december", since there are usually between 40 or 50 days with them after the notice by bighit. if what kmedia said is true, they are leaving in less than two weeks

i feel broken and so empty, i'm so scared of my future, next year i'll go through so many changes and i never take changes easily, i always suffer so much untill i get used to something, and now... not having the only constant i've been used to have in my life..there is no time to process. it was different with jin because he was here for more than a month before he left, it was also obvious that yoongi was leaving after his tour and hobi... :/ i'm devasted

i'm gonna cry so much with this upcoming documentary, i thought that the ptd DVD would cheer me up, but i've just been feeling more weird and sad :( i laugh in the funny scenes, but there's this sadness behind it. and my bias is jungkook... his lives :( i've been asking myself if he would do a "goodbye live".. if he decides to do it, i really really really don't wanna lose it :( i already miss him so much and he's not even gone yet

i’m sorry hun. i think everyone is in the same boat emotionally about the shorter notice compared to the previous enlistments. i’m not really gonna acknowledge what is being spread around by the media rn because the same thing happened with jin and he wasn’t thrilled about that information being made public, but i’ll say it’s okay and valid to feel everything you’re feeling and to have hoped we’d have a little more time than what the reality seems to be.

i really hope next year goes smoothly for you and that you adjust as comfortably as you can to whatever your new normal is going to be in your personal life and your life alongside bts during their absence.

luckily, it‘s quite clear that they’ve each prepared things for us to release after they’re gone and while i value their safety and well-being so much more than having any content during this, it’s extremely generous of them. not only for three of those members to have seemingly held off on their enlistments until the youngest released his album and was done promoting it so they could all go at once, but for them all to have used that time to work on things to keep us entertained once they did. i don’t think it’ll feel like your constant will be completely gone, they’ve made sure of it. we’re so lucky they care about us enough to plan ahead, create new stuff to enjoy in the meantime, and to time it perfectly so they’re back on the literal day before their anniversary in 2025. you really don’t get sappier than that lol.

also on the topic of whatever content that comes out in the coming months/year (i’m sure they’ll spread it out), if you think it’ll make you too sad to watch, it’s not going anywhere and it’ll be ready for you whenever you need it. weverse posts and occasional instagram posts will be a thing. it will absolutely suck losing jungkook’s lives, but i know he’ll make the most of his social media time in other ways at every opportunity he gets and those moments of communication will feel all the more special.

feel all your feelings, let them out however you need. but remember that you’re not alone in your emotions too and you can reach out to any of us here at any time. if you need to log off on the actual day, definitely to. focus on you, do something fun, find something that’ll take your mind off of it. all of this is temporary and it’ll go by fast. we just have to take it day by day. 💜

[artemisia--hq]

Hi, i hope you're doing great! I just read the first part of Playing with fire and absolutely lovedddd it. I was wondering if you were planning on finishing this story or if you've moved on to other stuff? :)

Hi!

First things first, I am so glad you found delight in one of my works ☺️

I’m gonna interpret this at face value and assume you’ve only read the 1st part, then I’m happy to inform you that the 2nd part is also posted ☺️

The 3rd and final part is still on the developing stage, i.e. still piecing together my disjointed ideas into coherent ones, so it might take a while for me to actually put it into writing. I did not have the luxury of time the past year as a I am in med school rendering my clerkship with a 32-hour shift 3x a week. Exhaustion and stress kill creativity, too, so…there’s that.

I am on vacation right now so I can set aside some time to work on it, but I also have other plans and personal stuff that needs tending. I do not want to rush things either. That said, I can’t give a definite date on when I’ll be able to put out the next part.

For the meantime, you can check out my other works. I did release one shots over the past months 😉🩷

[soul-controller]

Patreon Update (December ‘22)

Happy new year everyone, I hope everyone survived the hectic holidays and is doing well. I know that my Tumblr sort of fell to the wayside in 2022, but I’m hoping to find a better balance this year as I have done a slight revamp to my Patreon where I now only write 5 stories per month rather than 6. 

I’m already hard at work for the next few months of content both here and Patreon, especially the Learning A Valuable Lesson series for Tumblr, which has actually been expanded from a two-parter into a complete trilogy. So be sure to be on the lookout for part two, it’s going to drop on the 20th. In the meantime though, the blog will be kept updated as I’m planning on doing a week or so of Q&A so I can try and engage with my followers more since I appreciate all of the support.

Now with that tiny bit of housekeeping out of the way, here’s a quick little summary of the stuff I’ve released over on my Patreon over the past month. If any of the following stories intrigue you, please feel free to click on the title so you can sign up for the appropriate tier to read it! I’d love to have you join my Patreon and my Discord community, where you can view exclusive photo captions.

Oh, You Dirty Dog (Part One)

Miles is a cocky man who loves nothing more than hooking up with women for a short amount of time before kicking them to the curb once they no longer satisfied him. Unfortunately for him, Lindsay is a witch who doesn't take lightly to being used and thus dishes out a species defying change for Miles and his new puppy Bella.

Tags: Animal, Gender Change, Punishment

The Man Of His Dreams (Part One)

Living his life as an unwavering queer man, Ricardo is used to receiving aggressive comments from homophobic straight men in regards to his flamboyant style. Luckily though, a potion in his pocket hoped to eventually curb that - a potion that would summon Ricardo's ideal man who could easily protect him from such hatred and lift his spirits permanently. Upon taking the potion though, Ricardo quickly discovers that his ideal man might not be what he originally thought... 

Tags: Age Progression, Muscle Growth, Racial Change, Weight Gain, Unintended Consequences

Wrestling With My New Life

This 10.4k word story was created due to a patron-voted poll that was meant to help influence who my new host body would become by picking a clothing item for me to base this new body on - the wrestling singlet option was the clear winner. 

After being forced to do a livestream by my followers and undergoing transformations that turned me into a submissive and big-assed twunk as a result, more followers begin to chime in and turn me into their ideal jock fantasy. By the time they're done changing me, will I be able to remember who I am and stop what's happening to me or will the straight himbo life they've given completely take over and leave me too stupid to stop what's happening?

Tags: Gay To Straight, Mental Changes, Muscle Growth, Weight Loss, Sexuality Change, Reality Shift

A New Years’ Meet Cute (Part One)

In this over 7k word story, Henry Cavanaugh heads out to a special New Years Eve party with his co-workers at a local pub. Upon falling head over heels for an attractive bartender, the teacher opts to stay after his friends leave in hopes of flirting with the man and starting 2023 off with a brand new boyfriend. Upon agreeing to drink a special drink prepared by the bartender, Henry unknowingly allows himself to be slowly and secretly transformed by the bartender into his ideal partner...

Tags: Mental Changes, Muscle Growth, Reality Shift

Corrupting Kirk Cousins

Lucas Davies is a hardcore football fan, especially when it comes to Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins. However, Kirk is an enigma in Luke's eyes due to just how calm and dorky the man seems despite being the head quarterback of a fairly successful team playing a rather aggressive sport. Due to this, Lucas begins to fantasize about corrupting Kirk and destroying his sweet golden boy image by turning him into the cocky badass that he was always meant to be. After reaching out to an individual named Soul-Controller, Lucas' fantasies soon come to life as he possesses Kirk and immediately gets to work changing the man's image with his team by acting like a confident himbo while seducing and setting up a new power dynamic with Kirk's wife... 

Tags: Athlete, Corruption, Dominance and Submission, Possession

Have A Muscle Christmas…

Stuck at home away from his family for the Christmas break, college student Oliver Thomas finds solace by writing a letter to Santa wishing for a physique like that of UK bodybuilder Ryan Terry. From Christmas morning through the first day of the new year, Oliver finds himself slowly gaining the body and life of Ryan Terry for himself (with a few alterations)!

Tags: Age Progression, Mental Changes, Muscle Growth, Reality Shift

[jenniferdiazisatransgirl]

Mental Health Update

So as my boost in activity the past day might suggest, I am starting to feel a lil better mental health wise.

Can’t remember if I went into it and the reasons why my mental health took such a downturn, but at the beginning of this month I had a falling out with a friend. Someone I considered a close friend. And like it hurt quite a bit, brought up a lot of insecurities and past traumas and I guess caused a lot of introspection. I mean the introspection definitely led to the realisation that I’m straight, lol.

The beginning of this month I had started to feel like I was like back at square one with my sense of community though. Which when I really look at it I’m not.

I have a roommate I get on with really well, I have my best friend @cryptidwrangler and like I am in the midst of starting a new career where I have the opportunity to build a new sense of community.

I was actually meant to go to the LGBT+ Staff Network’s drinking social on Friday, but sadly there were train strikes. Hopefully I can go next month instead. And maybe in time I can get over my shy nature and start attending other stuff.

Like I work at a university now and there is a lot going on and a lot you can get involved in. I’ll be honest, even though I’m now there as a member of staff, there is definitely this feeling of being back at university. Like there’s loads of staff networks and activities, activities that are for both staff and students, a HUGE gym - this gym puts the gym facilities at my former university to shame, a staff counselling service, loads of leisure facilities. It is kinda awesome and if I hadn’t been so depressed the past few weeks I would have probably been enjoying it more.

I’m kinda realising it has been like nearly 4 weeks since my mental health got bad. That’s not good.

I am starting to feel better though.

I should say work is taking up a lot of my energy though and I am using the weekends to replenish that. In time I should start getting a bit more balance like being able to work from home some days. For now I am working on campus every day of the week though. I’m leaving home at like 5:45am and not getting back till 6:30pm and that has been this past few weeks where I was in a department letting me work 8am to 4pm. Next week, I’m helping my manager till she can find another department to place me in and she wants me in 8:30am to 4:30pm. I plan to ask her depending on what I’m doing if I can do 8am to 4pm, as it is better for me getting home. But we’ll see. I might not be getting home til 7:30pm for the next few weeks though.

I kinda have a bit of a weird job right now though. I’m part of this training academy and we spend 3 weeks training and then we get put into these placements while our manager finds us a permanent role. I just did a placement in Student Funding and my manager has lined me up another placement while she finds me a permanent deployment. She has said that placement is going to take a few days to a few weeks to get the details hammered out though, so I’m just going to be helping her with some stuff while she gets that sorted, lol.

But this is kinda leading into an update on the blog. I don’t think I’m gonna have the energy to watch Season 2 of Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur right now. I do have the Thursday through till the Tuesday of Easter Weekend off though at the end of this month. So 6 days. I’m having my hair done on Good Friday and trying to possibly meet up with @cryptidwrangler, as I haven’t seen him since April.

During that 6 day break though, I will start watching through Season 2 of Marvel’s Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur and posting my thoughts though.

And in the meantime, I’ll likely be a bit more present giving my random thoughts on other stuff. But hey, if you want to spoil Moon Girl S2 for me feel free if there is anything you think I might find interesting ahead of time. I’ll try and post my thoughts with the very limited information I have right now, lol.

But anyway, I am feeling a bit better and should start being a bit more present 😊

[beauty-and-passion]

What am I currently doing?

What am I even doing? Am I dead? Have I left the fandom?

The answers are writing, no and no.

The long answers are:

What am I doing?

First I collected all answers from the survey for the fanwriting of Sanders Sides Season 3 (aka Fanders Sides Season 3). I checked them all and planned what to do. I already wrote a post with all the details, so I won’t spoil too much here: everything will be explained in due time.

I also finished the analyses of the remaining episodes.

And in the last weeks, I’ve started writing Fanders Sides Season 3. Today I finished the first 9 episodes which ideally close my first “arc” of the season finale. One third (more or less) is done.

However, these things should still be reviewed and proofread and I can do it only after I finish writing the whole FSS3. So for now it’s just a good draft.

Am I dead?

Eurovision 2023 almost killed me and the aftermath left me crushed. It has been a couple of terrible weeks and I managed to get out of them, only after a while - and after the true winner got back on his feet.

In the meantime, my job contract ended and the company did not renew it. Why? Oh, no idea. They need a person and yet, they decided to fire one they spent 6 months training for that role. The bullshit they told me was “there is no money”, which is ridiculous coming from a growing gas and oil company.

The truth is probably that the heads of administration are complete idiots and have no idea about the situation. The place I worked for is a branch of the company and the administration center for the whole Italian division of said company.

When I started working there, the administration office was down to three people (they had retired) and they really, REALLY needed help. I did my best and, thanks to my and another person’s help, the workload was reduced.

So, since now things are somehow normal, they told me that hey, the problem is solved. Which proves they have no idea how an administration works, because reducing the workload now doesn’t mean the workload is reduced forever.

And even though they do not know that, my colleagues do. And they’re all pissed. They protested and did everything, so... who knows?

In the meantime, I decided to try another route, which means teaching. I am currently studying to take a few exams and, hopefully, get into a course. If a company calls me, I will ponder the decision, but in the meantime, I’m focusing on my studies.

And writing, of course. Always writing.

Heck, this sudden change in my life gave me somehow the idea I was looking for for 10 years. I don’t know how, but I just... thought about it, wrote down a couple of things and bam, in less than one hour I had a working plot. Just like that. As if I haven’t spent YEARS thinking about how to make that fucking plot work. But that’s another story I will probably explain one day.

Have I left the fandom?

Of course I haven’t left the fandom, I’m writing FSS3!

And even after that, I will still keep an eye on Sanders Sides, waiting for the faithful day in which Mr. Sanders will finally decide to work on the season 2 finale. I will post other stuff too and other analyses I’ve planned long ago, but one part of me will still wait for the next update.

However, since FSS3 might take a while, I would like to start posting the episode analyses. But I’m also on a writing spree for FSS3 and I don’t want to lose the momentum by shifting my attention to something else.

So the answer is that, for now, I probably won’t post anything. The analyses should be proofread first, but I’m writing now and I don’t want to lose the moment. I will keep going on with FSS3 until I’ve finished it, then I will start proofreading and once an analysis will be ready, I will post it.

So if you’re still following me, please wait a little bit longer. If I start something, I finish it. All you need is just a bit of patience.

In the meantime, of course, you can ask me for updates, details or anything else. It might take me some time to reply or I wouldn’t be able to tell you everything, but I will try my best as always.

And, of course, thank you all for your time and your patience 💖