#I’m not the most well versed christian

[thearsonfungus]

Hey. I’m hoping to start a conversation here, if you aren’t a fan of christianity, I’d like you to at least hear me out.

Before we begin, any evidence from the bible will be formatted in either of the following ways.

Book Chapter#:Verse# ‘quote’

Or

Book Chapter#:StartingVerse#-EndingVerse# ‘quote’

Or

Book Chapter#:StartingVerse#-EndingVerse#

Some quotes may have notes about them at the end, formated like this:

(See above quote info) (note or explanation about said quote)

With all that out of the way, let’s begin.

The christian God is one of the, if not the, most merciful deities in any religion, however, the christian God is also, by definition of the word, one of the, if not the, most vengeful deities in any religion

Romans 12:19 ‘Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.’

Deuteronomy 32:35 ‘Vengeance is Mine, and recompense; Their foot shall slip in due time; For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things to come hasten upon them.’

Something most bigots hiding behind christianity to excuse their bigotry do is they primarily focus on the vengeful aspect while pretending to believe that God is merciful, demonizing both sinners and those they believe to be lesser than them, such as the LGBTQIA+ community, but here’s the thing;

It technically does not matter whether or not being LGBTQIA+ (or other similarly scorned things) is considered a sin or not. Because even if it is, those who identify under any of those labels (myself included) are still capable of getting into Heaven. Anyone that says anything along the lines of “You are going to Hell because you are gay.” Is objectively wrong, because even if being gay, or bi, or lesbian, or trans, or aromantic, or pan, or aroace, or asexual, or any other label is a sin, there are only two sins that are unforgivable, those being Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and causing harm to children, neither of which identifying as those labels falls under

Genesis 22:1-19 (kind of the entire point of the biblical story of Abraham is not to harm children, even if the lord asks you too.)

Mathew 18:2-6 “‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven… If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.'” (A direct quote from Jesus)

(There are lots of other examples of the lord condemning harm to children, I just don’t have the time right now to find more)

What is worth demonizing people over, however, is pedophilia, child abuse or neglect, kicking out or disowning your children for being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and other similar things. All of those are harm to children and as such those who commit those sins deserve punishment. Now, I will not personally condone taking revenge against those who commit these sins, for Vengance is the lord’s to take

However, note that a direct consequence of that fact is that

Mercy is the lord’s to give

I thank anyone who read this whole thing, if anyone has anything they want to discuss about it, I’d be happy too discuss with you! Now get out there and spread this message! I’m sorry for any harm those who pretend to follow the teachings of the lord may have caused any of you!

[radfemsiren]

genuinely liked your content, and really got me into rad feminism.. but degrading religious people, especially Christians, honestly was such a turn off. Some of the most feminist women I know are Christian women, including myself 🙃

You can not be a radical feminist while subscribing to patriarchal religion. You cannot be for the liberation of women while worshipping a man-made god in a religion that is merely a tool to control and punish women.

My blog got big because of my criticisms of Islam. If you can understand what’s wrong with Islam and not see the same problems with Christianity, turning a blind eye to ugly parts of the faith like God commanding Lot to sleep with his daughters, explicit verses allowing the beating of slaves, the punishment of homosexuals… historical movements like the witch burnings, abortion clinics being bombed, the Catholic Church covering up sex abuse… current movements like trad conservatives stripping away abortion rights from women… then you are not ready to be a radical feminist yet.

Everything good and feminist you’ve ever done came from yourself and your own humanity, not Jesus.

It’s insulting yourself to think this way. “Well I’m a good person because I’m a Christian.” If you are a good person, it’s despite Christianity. You can choose to stick around if you like, or not, my views are unchanging. I’ll never coddle or lie to you, and it’s my belief that organized religion quells individual thought and empathy, and encourages obedience and mob mentality.

Sorry if I don’t have a such a rosy, biased view of the faith. Any sparkle was lost to me when gun wielding protesters would surround my mosque as a child and chant “go back to your country!” at us. You only see the good parts because that’s what you choose to see. The ugly side is always in plain sight, but you’ve been intentionally programmed to ignore it.

[artist-issues]

Vignette is my favorite song on Clancy.

He goes “to me, the song makes the most sense when viewed through the lens of addiction.” And everybody responded to that like “omg TYLER what’s he addicted to??”

Like they’ve never heard that from him before.

There’s literally a whole song about going through cycles of addiction and what’s he addicted to, ladies and gentleman—

Doubt.

He’s addicted to doubting God. That whole bridge of the song is the literal point of the Bible verse James 1:6 “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”

It’s…it’s all over his songs. It’s all over that one interview with Apple Music where he explains he doesn’t know how to talk about his faith yet, so does he really believe it if he can’t talk about it, etc.

In Vignette he describes what he’s been doing over and over, the dark addictive thing, like this:

“Fresh off a binger in the woods

flesh, covered in bites

testing what is real, what is good,

Man, it’s been a long night.”

Break it down. Tyler chose to describe a location. Didn’t have to. But because he did, you can get something from that. He’s in the woods. Woods? Trees. “Why won't you speak / Where I happen to be? / Silent in the trees / Standing cowardly.” Standing in the woods, out there alone, looking for something out of the ordinary and dramatic to happen, to alleviate his feelings, to give him proof that God exists.

That is the place he goes to wrestle with that.

Next line. His state is having flesh that is covered in bites. Mmkay, he’s used zombie imagery before. Heavydirtysoul: “Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch/ Saying stuff like, ‘you only live once’ /“ Zombies are people who don’t think about where life came from or where it’s going; they just shuffle around, not moving well through life, based on a ‘hunch (a feeling or guess based on no known facts.) They’re dead, pretending to be alive, mindless. That kind of crowd, or even that kind of mindset, has been chewing away at the songwriter. Getting covered by something so dark sounds a lot like the phrase “swallowed by the vignette.”

What’s covered in bites? Flesh. Only one other place where he’s used that word. Holding Onto You: “I’m taking over my body, back in control, no more shoddy / I’ve fought it a lot and it seems a lot like flesh is all I’ve got / not anymore, flesh out the door, swat /

I could say a lot about that song and the different meanings behind the word choice of “flesh,” but suffice it to say, it sounds just like Romans 7, (I don’t care, read all that scripture, it’s life-giving.)

"For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?" 

The flesh is biblically at war with the Spirit, in a Christian. It’s the sinful urges and lifestyle, which have been defeated in Christ, but are still weighing us down and tempting us until He comes back. I’m not saying “doubt” is always a fleshly thing. I’m saying: addiction is always a fleshly thing—it’s laboring under the authority and control of something that is not Christ. Usually we are talking about addiction to a substance. But it can also be addiction to a mindset.

Doubt or ‘losing your faith’ or whatever can sound real romantic. But actually you know what, when you’re doubting, you get to stall. You get to say ‘well I’m not sure’ so you quit moving. You quit trusting, so you quit obeying. That aspect of it can be less daunting than the alternative—so it can be appealing. I don’t have to obey and do hard things if I’m not sure of the one giving orders. I can sit in uncertainty; that can be the slightly less scary hard-thing that I choose.

So. The flesh—the evil part of him that is already dead in Christ, but he keeps putting it on like a snake trying to fit in old shed skin—is what the zombies—the mindless, pretending to be alive mindset—are feeding on. And they’re doing all this while he’s out in the woods—where he normally goes to puzzle out whether or not God is who He says He is.

He’s putting back on that nasty old skin that doesn’t belong on him anymore. He’s going out where his only company is the undead, mindless-pretending-to-be-alive. And he’s doing what?

“Testing what is real, what is good.” Oh. Romans 2:12. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

He’s using this phrase, but not like the Bible does. And that’s intentional. He uses the phrase incorrectly, to show how using it incorrectly is the problem.

He’s cutting out the fact that the testing is supposed to be for “discerning what is the will of God.” That’s the context, that’s the motive that is safe to base testing on. But he’s not operating in that correct, safe space. And he adds “what is real” to “what is good.”

When you take out “figuring out God’s will” but then you add in “what’s even real?” you’re saying, “I’m not sure God is even real, so nevermind about His will—let ME figure out what is good.” You’re not going to find “what is good” on those terms. Without Him, when He is in your category for ‘might not be real,’ when you remove Him from the equation, who’s to say what’s good? Anybody. Nobody. So “good” doesn’t exist. That’s zombie-thinking, right there. The absence of sense. Mindlessness.

Now factor in what I said above. That interview with Apple Music. “If I don’t know how to talk about it, do I really believe it?” Add in a dash of “Clear.” “Cleverly masking your words /“ Put in the whole entire character of Blurryface, who cares what everyone thinks and can’t be “clear.”

Vignette is just another chapter in the same old story. Tyler Joseph isn’t always 100% sure God is who He says He is. And at his worst, in his flesh, he cares more about what you think than he does the truth…so he can’t be clear about what he believes.

“Man, it’s been a long night.” Yeah. It has.

[33max]

Thank you to everyone that participated, we managed to bring twenty two wonderful pieces of fic/art into the world!

Please show the authors/artists some love for all of their efforts, comments and kudos make everyone’s day ♥️

All you need is love and some cats by Astron03

“I think Teddy is finally getting used to the flat.”

One sentences was enough to completely break Daniel's world.

A story of misunderstandings and some olympic level jumping to conclusions.

Comfortable in chaos by winhighmaintenancemachines

Max and Lewis know the terms that they both deal in, the choices they make every day. Their whole world is walking on a spider’s thread.

Or, the NICU doctor/nurse au.

De Sebly (Part 2) by @miesgaga

Most people only meet one soulmate goose with a connection to them. Soulmates were sometimes romantic and sometimes platonic. Family bonds happen too, but those were rare.

Max met his goose, fell in love and felt like his life couldn't get better.

This is not that story.

Max meets his second goose, this is that story.

GBB Server Exchange by anangelwillfly

Headspins by @albertparks

“I do have feelings for someone else though.” Max’s comment breaks Daniel from his thoughts. “I broke up with her because of it.”

Daniel’s gobsmacked at first, before saying, “Who is she, Maxy?”

It’s a poor attempt at a joke, but now it’s his turn to be nosey, to put his beak in business that isn’t his. Max has never been single for long, he can’t imagine now would be any different.

Except Max says, “It’s a man. And it doesn’t matter.”

I don’t get much sleep most nights (I’m seeing you in every dream) by @enjoythebutterflies

In the real world, Max is well-versed in breaking more than just records.

The one where Max and Daniel dream.

in paper rings by @thewindowatkirkland

"Maxy I would fly to Vegas with you tomorrow and pay some guy dressed as Elvis to marry us. I don't care about any of this crap, I don’t care about anything other than you being happy and us being married. I thought you wanted all this, but if you don’t, then fuck it all."

And Max just has to kiss him, hard and fast and certain before he says "okay, let's fucking do it. Let's go, tomorrow. just me and you and a fake Elvis."

OR: after a ten year engagement and with an extravagant wedding all planned out, they decide to elope to vegas instead.

It was written in the stars, but you erased it by @formula-maxiel

Max was twelve when his father had his soul mark removed. He had no idea how much anguish it would cause him.

Let me guide you by @waddlingpenguin

Max learns something about himself.

Daniel is more than happy to indulge.

listen to the slow parts by winhighmaintenancemachines

Neither Max or Daniel are the one to find the baby. That honor belongs to Christian, and Christian alone.

lock it up by @33max

Max is in their bed frantically humping a pillow that he’s folded in half. He’s shoved his little dick into the crease of it and he’s rabbiting his hips, he’s not got the equipment to properly thrust – if he pulled his hips back too far his cock would slip out of the fold.

the meaning of a flower by @meecamille

silly cute fluffy stuff led me to flowershop and hopeless romantic boys.

of angels and demons by @shitferraristrategy

Daniel loves to corrupt his little angel~ <3

platinum trophy by togenkyo

Fame, fortune, fortitude: For the man who has everything, what's left?

postcards from the past by @thatsapodium

I’ll send you another postcard soon. Miss you, love Max

A selection of postcards from the time Max backpacks across Australia.

Punch it! by @stardust-speedway6

An animatic of Lando and Max.

Max admonishes a punching bag.

Static by @chaoticzoomies

Walking into the Red Bull garage that Friday something felt off but Max couldn't put his finger on it. It wasn't necessarily a bad feeling but just slightly off kilter, like someone had shifted things a few centimetres to the left. As he rounded the corner to the operations desk it clicked.

stay in for the summer (it's quiet, i'm trying) by @33and3

Take me to the Water by @fricative-pharyngiale

Still, he yearned for more, for everything Daniel could give him and then the rest too, his greediness all-consuming until it was all he could feel. He wanted to be the muse of every song Daniel wrote, so that they would be immortalised together. He wanted to take his poet to the river and drown him in his waters, keeping him close forever. He wanted to let his body liquefy so Daniel could drink him entirely, not a single drop left behind. He wanted to drain him of his blood and replace it with water from his river so they’d be the same, always.

A series of vignettes about nymph Max and his poet

The Tale of Max Verstappen by @danielfuckingricciardo

During the summer break, Max and Daniel take a trip to the Lake District to spend some time together alone.

When Max suggests they visit the Beatrix Potter museum, Daniel is only happy to take him on a date and treat him to a gift.

until I hear it from you by @fourmula1

DeuxMoi (also stylized Deuxmoi or @/deuxmoi) is a pseudonymous Instagram account which publishes celebrity gossip.

with the right amount of sugar by flyingkageyama

Max only wanted to find solace in one of the coffee shops he knew was a few miles away from campus, he didn’t expect one of the employees with a crappy drawing of a honey badger on his name tag to come try and get him to talk about his problems.

[theseshipsshallsail]

Summary:

There’s a distinctive creak of rusty hinges - the gate, Oliver realises, that marks the zig-zag path to the beach - and supervising his every move Elio keeps up a running commentary; well-versed, apparently, on the third-century Christian martyr upon whom this, Italy's most magical summer tradition, originated.

The Tears Of Saint Lawrence

“Trust me!” Elio declares, rooting through the hallway closet for a lightweight sweater as Oliver spies his missing espadrille half-hidden by Polpetta’s upturned basket. “It’s August tenth. La Notte di San Lorenzo! You won’t want to miss it.”

“Not for the world,” he agrees, inspecting the tan-leather surface for incriminating teeth marks.

And certainly not like last time, either: when the poetic notion of wishing on a falling star was damn-near anathema to a man so consumed by the devastating thought of goodbye. 

“Can you fetch a blanket?” Elio calls, voice echoing to the vaulted ceiling, yet no sooner has Oliver slid one into an empty holdall does the other man catch him by the wrist; face full of impish glee as he seals the distance between them. “According to your Heraclitus,” he drawls, a gauzy silk scarf dangling from his fingertips. “...the eyes are much better witnesses than the ears. But my father was adamant surprise is the greatest gift, and you, mon cœur, deserve to experience this properly.”

Oliver arches an intrigued eyebrow. “Properly, huh?” Biting his lower lip, he offers no resistance when Elio motions him closer; securing the ad hoc blindfold at the back of his head. “Kinky.”

Elio snickers. “You’ve seen the contents of my bedside cabinet.”

He has indeed. 

And honestly can’t wait to investigate them further.

“Fortune favours the bold,” Oliver says - somewhat tipsy thanks to Manfredi’s birra alle castagne - and Elio laughs out loud, adjusting the tightness at his temples with a cursory tug.

“Okay?” he checks. 

“Me okay.”

“Then Andiamo, Americano!” Elio exclaims, steering him towards the foyer entrance, and steadying him at the waist they negotiate the narrow steps of the raised veranda; wood transitioning to gravel to the familiar cushioning grass that comprises the villa’s front lawn. 

The cool, night air is rich with jasmine and rosemary; the brackish ocean breeze tickling his nostrils as the ever-present waves roar in his ears.

“Watch your step,” he hears, followed by a small click when Elio employs his flashlight.

There’s a distinctive creak of rusty hinges - the gate, Oliver realises, that marks the zig-zag path to the beach - and supervising his every move Elio keeps up a running commentary; well-versed, apparently, on the third-century Christian martyr upon whom this, Italy's most magical summer tradition, originated.

The tide is still receding when they reach the bottom: the multitude of shingly pebbles slipping occasionally as they skirt the deserted shoreline. Minutes blur - Elio’s body an extension of his own - and Oliver finds himself somewhat breathless after a calf-aching schlep along some steeply-sloping ground - a dune, he suspects, judging by the thorny vegetation - before Elio stops short; releasing his bicep with a gentle squeeze. 

“Don’t think I wasn’t tempted,” he says, apropos of nothing. “To take you to the berm, I mean. The higher elevation is surely magnifique, but I didn’t want to ruin the effect whilst getting us there. So.”

“Fair enough.” Oliver’s heart leaps into his throat. “Maybe next year?” he suggests instead; buoyed by the possibility. “Or Ferragosto, even?” They could pack a picnic lunch. “That’s this Sunday, right?” 

“All roads lead to La Danzing,” Elio agrees from somewhere to his left, presumedly arranging the afghan at their feet. “Careful when you lie down, ouais?”

Oliver scoffs. “Like you said: I’m middle-aged, not decrepit.” 

“Tell that to your dodgy kneecap,” the other man goads; the heat of his palm guiding Oliver southwards as he crouches on his haunches; legs unfolding in an awkward shuffle.

Finally horizontal, he wriggles his hips in a bid to get comfortable - no easy task by dint of the various detritus digging into his spine - but with a faint whisper of clothing Elio’s sitting beside him, so Oliver crosses his ankles and folds his hands atop his stomach; the switched-off flashlight plunging him into total darkness.

“Ready?”

Elio’s excitement is infectious. “Absolutely.” 

“Then brace yourself, mon ami.” 

Slender fingers cradle his skull - loosening the blindfold’s double knot - and Oliver’s eyes snap wide in awestruck disbelief when Elio whips it free with a flourish.

“Oh my God,” he gasps: the words wholly inadequate; the paralysing sense of utter insignificance almost impossible to overcome. “Oh my God…”

The light pollution is negligible here - miles as they are from the nearest major city - and the Riviera sky is an inky canvas. A pinprick panoply extending to the distant horizon. Truly mesmeric by any standards, yet amongst those scattered constellations blaze the Perseids, also. An annual meteor shower born of dust and ice. Hurtling through the Earth’s atmosphere like tears; emblematic of the white-hot coals over which Saint Lawrence met his untimely fate.

“Oh my God,” Oliver repeats, positively trembling as his arm drops limply to the side.

Dizziness strikes quickly in his poleaxed intermezzo, and mouth agape at the wondrous sight he digs his nails into the woollen blanket; mooring himself with the coarse, knitted fibres.

Reconnecting.

Recalibrating.

The lost decades behind them outstripped by those to come.

“We’ve found the stars,” he murmurs eventually.

“To hell with once only,” Elio replies, levering up on his elbow, and gripping the front of Oliver’s Oxford he funnels his love, his forgiveness - his everything, really - into a kiss that burns brighter, fiercer, than anything streaking the celestial plains above.

Notes:

Also, happy birthday to our Maestro, Luca Guadagnino. Eternal thanks for the stories you’ve told and the countless lives they’ve touched ❤️

[scribeforchrist-blog]

You're Not Disqualified

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

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+ 1 Corinthians 6:14 And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

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VERSE OF THE DAY 

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+ Proverbs 30:12 There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth

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SUBJECT: You're Not Disqualified

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** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM FORGIVEN 

I AM QUALIFIED 

I AM LOOKING FOR MORE 

I AM A CHILD OF THE KING

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READ TIME : 8 Minutes & 30 Seconds

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THOUGHTS:

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      Many things will disqualify us from getting certain things, like a credit card. We have to have the correct credit score and good payment history; playing on a sports team, we must know how to play that particular sport, be an asset to the team, maybe even previously played on a team, or be competitive, and even when we get a job we must have experience working on a job similar to the one you're trying to get hired for that’s what qualifies a person well sometimes .

   These things qualify you, and sometimes we aren’t qualified. It is frustrating because we try hard to mark off everything required to do something’s; and sometimes, we make it, and sometimes, we don’t. Still, with God, we don’t have to be qualified to be loved by him. We don’t have to be qualified to be spirit-led; we often think God disqualifies us when we sin, and he doesn’t. God wants to ensure that we are ready for our calling. He wants to ensure we are ready to go to the next level. 

    Look at Peter. You would think Jesus would have done away with Peter the moment he lied and left him high and dry; you would think Jesus would have said no, not Peter.  Most people would’ve never let Peter back into their lives, but what Jesus did was he qualified him because he knew what Peter had on the inside; he knew who Peter was because Peter was his own; a lot of times, people and places DON’T know us they have to get to know us, but with Jesus, we don’t have to wait, we don’t have to put on a show we just have to be who we are and that’s what qualifies us.

  Luke 22:60-62 But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. 61 And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” 62 And he went out and wept bitterly.

     Jesus doesn’t look at our mistakes and hold them over our heads. No, he doesn’t, not at all. We might have that feeling, but that’s not what happens. Jesus wants us to come to him so that we can be forgiven; a lot of us hold on to sin or won't ask for forgiveness because we feel we don’t have to, but sometimes, not asking for forgiveness can cause our blessing to be held back or our relationship with Him not to grow because we disqualify ourself by not asking for forgiveness.

    2 Samuel 11:2 One evening, David got up from his bed and walked around on the palace's roof. From the roof, he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful.

     David knew what he shouldn’t be doing, which was looking upon a woman on his roof; he knew what his intention was and what he wanted, but did this disqualify him from being king? No, it didn’t; David even counted the men after he was told not to. Did this disqualify him? No, it didn’t; our sins aren’t what disqualifies us; it's what we do about the sin we are committing. Do we have a contrite heart or allow it to linger? See, these two men didn’t allow what their sins to linger . Well , David did it briefly, and Nathan had to come to show him the punishment God had given him, BUT HE WASN’T DISQUALIFIED

     Now, I’m not saying we won't get punished; it's not to say we won't feel the guilt of what we did, but what we must do when we have identified a sin in our life that we can't let go of we must go to God & ask forgiveness and then fast, a lot of people don’t want to fast because they don’t want to sacrifice to get closer to God, friends to live in the power of God we must fast, the moment I had a woman of God to explain to me the importance of fasting I started fasting more. I started to walk in more power because I didn’t let food or anything be a master over me. 

  Look at Nineveh; they were told about their wrong doings and everyone was on a fast, and no one could eat, including the animals; they thought if we all fasted this way, maybe God would relent his hand over us. We must be extreme about our life with Christ or our relationship with Christ; some people think we DON’T have to be extreme, but to walk in the authority of God, we must show God how important he is to us. 

  Jonah 3:7-9 This is the proclamation he issued in Nineveh: By the decree of the king and his nobles: Do not let people or animals, herds or flocks, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink.But let people and animals be covered with sackcloth. Let everyone call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.”

   We don’t have to worry about God disqualifying us; we DON’T have to worry about God saying no, not Lui, she did this and that, but God wants to say, well, Lui, you did this and that. I still love you, you did that, I still forgive you, you did this, and I still want you as mine; God won’t deny us or throw us to the side, but we push away because we listen to other people about God’s opinions about us and God opinions don’t change we must learn not to let others tell us what God want from us and start going to God ourselves. 

  ***Today, we learned that what disqualifies us and we do this on our own, God doesn’t; we must stop looking at other people and look to God; we can get a word from God but some of us think , we need this person or that person but friends ,we don’t need sister so and so to do it or this man of God to do it we can speak to God ourselves, but God doesn’t stop loving us, he doesn’t stop communicating with us , and He most certainly doesn’t leave us to do things on our own. 

  Every day, we have an opportunity to pick up our cross; every day, we have opportunities to say, Jesus, I need you. Sometimes God is waiting for us to say something about what’s happening, but sometimes we don’t because we think there’s no way he cares if I’m there or not; it’s a verse In the Bible that says Luke 14:5-6, and when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders nd goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.

  Do you see what he does? He puts the sheep on his shoulders, and he goes home. God wants us to come home; God wants us near him. Some of us are lost because we disqualified ourselves from what we do, but God never said this to us. Today, come back and allow God to comfort you and qualify you. ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

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Heavenly Father, thank you so much for everything; thank you for loving and caring for us; help us to follow and love you. Lord, we give you every aspect of our lives. We ask you right now to forgive us of the sins we have done! Help us to stay focused on you. Give us the strength to be holy and to walk on the path you have for us, in Jesus' Name, Amen

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REFERENCES 

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Luke 15:7 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

 

+ Luke 5:32 I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”

 

+ Matthew 18:13 And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray

========================

FURTHER READINGS 

========================

Proverbs 4

Leviticus 4

Jeremiah 8

Micah 1

=========================

[fromhisgrace]

welcome to my account 🫶

hi i’m Grace !! i’m a Pentecostal Christian, and saved as of august of 2023. i love Jesus, cats, and literature (feel free to discuss the last one with me i need more reader friends)

i want to post mainly (basic) theology, as well as basic analysis of Bible verses and passages, and tips for other christians on here.

feel free to give constructive criticism regarding my posts. im quite new to this (though i was raised christian), and will probably make a lot of mistakes !

any images posted on here are most likely from pinterest.

[cabinofimagines]

At the Museum

I am back for NOW I still have braincells which will be consumed SOON by my blorbo's. I changed the request slightly, so although the reader is from Camp Half-Blood, their godly parent is not specified! Closely based on this thing written by Riordan

Gods my thesis is killing me

Pairing: FAMILY! platonic! Magnus Chase and Annabeth Chase x FAMILY PLATONIC GN!reader Chase Request: could you do something where reader, annabeth, and magnus are cousins and readers a daughter of apollo or hecate. like her/their parent was natalie's twin. this has been in my mind forever and i thought i would share it. Word count: ~1.8k Warnings: same amount of death jokes as the Magnus Chase books

-Asnyox

You only ever had vague memories of your time with your family. Laughter, sand in your face, perhaps it was at a beach, maybe it was a sandpit. It didn’t matter anymore, for although those memories once were the only thing you had left of spending time with your family it no longer was. After Magnus ‘disappeared’ (read; ran away and died and then came back to life) you finally managed to stay connected with your cousin.

You see, although your parents always wrote the lack of connection to Magnus and his mom off as ‘religious differences’, but that didn’t mean it had to stay that way.

This weekend, Annabeth invited you and Magnus to come to New York for a visit. You had been staying at camp after summer, however with the newly revived and resurfaced cousin Magnus being able to come over you did not hesitate. Annabeth noticed that there was an exhibit at the Discovery Center in Times Square called The Vikings and decided it would be perfect to meet at. You know, given that Magnus apparently was the son of a Norse god, and neither you or Annabeth were too well versed in that pantheon.

“You bring me to New York and show me Vikings?” Magnus sighed, “I’ve got enough of those in Boston.” “Look I think it’s important to understand your world Magnus,” Annabeth smiled, “and I promise to take you to Mamoun’s Falafel and Shawarma afterwards,” “It’s a lot less boring than the Greek architecture exhibit,” You commented. Annabeth punched your arm softly. “I will just ask Percy next time (Y/n), no more bonding time for us.” She joked and you gasped. “Betrayal!” You exclaimed, and you noticed Magnus smiling. After a moment of hesitation, you spoke up again, “It sucks, you know, that we just,” you looked at your cousins sadly, “That we never got to be a family together. No holidays, or meetings. I barely even knew what you would look like Magnus!”

“But we can catch up now,” Annabeth softly grabbed your hand and squeezed it, “right some wrongs or something.” Magnus nodded. “I literally have all the time of the world now,” he shrugged, “most of the time anyways. We’ll be a family from now on, help each other and stuff.” “Yeah, that’s nice,” you sighed, “I’m glad.”

“Well, let’s get the exhibition over so I can get some falafel.”

───────────

One of the first things you saw was a full-sized reconstruction of a Viking River boat. The most impressive part? Someone made it with historical tools, meaning no saws and no machines. Magnus commented on how, if the boat would have been more portable, he could’ve taken it with him on his quest to stop Ragnarök. Sadly, unlike the one he got, which folds into a handkerchief, this one he could not carry around.

“Huh, life must have been pretty hard for Vikings back in the day then,” you joked, eliciting laughter from both your cousins. It was then that Magnus gasped.

“The Hammer of Thor! I found it! That was legit the easiest quest ever.” He pointed at a display case, “You know, this is the second time I found it.” You quietly laughed as Annabeth go a mischievous smile on her face. “This is just a silver replica,” she pointed out and Magnus sighed, “The Norse wore these all the time, kind of how Christians wore crosses.” “Dammit!” Magnus exclaimed. The security glared at him, and he looked apologetically at them, “sorry.”

As you were walking together through the exhibition, there was some comfortable banter between the three of you. At a depiction of Jormungand, Magnus noted how it did not look like the serpent at all, while you joked when coming across a necklace made from beads that that person must have spent a lot of years at camp. At one point, Annabeth looked a little melancholic when she saw a bracelet that looked like Thalia’s.

“Must be why Valkyries wear keys on their belts,” Magnus guessed. “So they can lock up their stuff and flog anyone who tries to take it.”

“I want to meet these Valkyries,” Annabeth said.

“I can introduce you to one,” Magnus offered, “You both can come to Boston and meet my friends,” he pondered, “Perhaps there will be a Greek Mythology exhibit, so I can get you back for bringing me here.”

“I will take you up for that, Magnus.” You cackled.    

Further into the exhibit, you stumbled onto bones from an actual Norseman. There was a lot of information about how the living situation of this person had been, however Magnus tried to lighten the situation. “I’m pretty sure I did Bikram yoga to the death with this dude last week,” Magnus squinted his eyes as if to examine the bones more closely, “he must be an einherji now.” “How do you do yoga to the death?” Annabeth asked, before her eyes widened, “Wait. I don’t think I actually want to know.”

Quickly after you entered the room with Norse instruments. Among everything there was something that looked, and sounded, suspiciously familiar.

“Is that a kazoo?” you guessed, “Did Vikings invent the kazoo? I am going to change religions.” “Ugh,” Annabeth said. “I got Percy a kazoo as a joke one time, and he would not stop playing it. It’s literally his only musical talent.” “Where is Percy?” Magnus asked. “I though I’d get to meet him.” Annabeth frowned. “He’s studying. He is not allowed to do anything fun until he passes his midterms.” “Ouch,” Magnus said, “His mom grounded him?” “Nope,” you interjected, smiling knowingly. “I did,” Annabeth said, “If he doesn’t graduate high school, he doesn’t get to go to college at New Rome with me. And if that happens, I will have to kill him with a kazoo.” “That is if he doesn’t die during the,” you flailed your arms around a little, “‘Godly entrance exam quest’ or whatever bullshit he has to do.” Annabeth sighed, “Yeah, because saving the world twice is not enough for a scholarship apparently.” Magnus looked at the two of you as if you were crazy, “You know that, even if it’s ‘to the death’ at least Valhalla has free education.” “I would rather not have Percy die yet, but thanks for the offer.” Annabeth sighed, “Are those Viking ice-skates?”

“They’re made out of deer bones, they used to be strapped to your shoes.” You mused, “looks pretty metal to me, to be honest. Just, whip out your bones, to your shoes and away you go!” “Sideways,” Magnus speculated, “straight into the nearest tree.” “I’d hate to see Viking skis,” Annabeth said. “You would need really big deer for those.” You commented, before moving along to the next display full of Viking swords.

“That’s sad,” Annabeth said, “Nothing is left but corroded metal.” “Oh, you should’ve seen Jack when I pulled him out of the river,” Magnus said, “He looked much worse.” “You named your sword Jack?” you questioned him. “No, he named himself that.” Magnus answered. “He … what?” “I’ll introduce you later. But I’m warning you, once he starts talking, he doesn’t shut up.”

“Your sword talks?” Annabeth asked and Magnus nodded nonchalantly. “Does he also talk to other swords? Or weapons?” you asked, and Magnus kept nodding. “I’ll let him answer for himself, I am sure he would love the attention,” Magnus grimaced, “just not here and now.”

You agreed to keep going forward. There were several pieces of jewellery, including a broach that looked amazing despite being on the earth for thousands of years. “I think it’s supposed to resemble the pendant on Brisingamen, Freya’s necklace,” Magnus mused, “It looks nice, but the real necklace is much fancier.” “Why are you blushing?” Annabeth asked. “I am not blushing,” Magnus insisted, “Freya just has a nice ear- uh, necklace. I mean necklace.”

You were already standing a bit further, reading the text next to some shoes with spikes in them. “Hey Magnus,” said boy turned to look at you, “did you know that if you die a dishonourable death and you go to Helheim, you are buried with spikes on your shoes like this? Apparently the road to Hel is icy and slippery.” “I did not know,” he remarked, “but wouldn’t deer-ski’s be faster?” he joked. “Personally,” Annabeth piped in, “I’d go for the deer bone ice skates. Can’t die by hitting a tree if you’re already dead, right?” All three of you laughed, before moving onto the next display. It contained a magic amulet, used for cursing your enemies or protecting yourself from rune magic.

“I wish Hearthstone was here,” Magnus said, “He would love this.” “Yeah,” Annabeth said, “Carter and Sadie would think that was pretty awesome too.” “Why does everyone know people that I don’t?” you said.

“Oh, Hearthstone is a friend of mine,” Magnus clarified, “He’s an elf, I guess. Likes rune magic.” “Yeah, and Carter and Sadie are some uh… Egyptian friends of mine.”

You looked at her, “Egyptian? Are you telling me-“ “Maybe we’ll talk about that at lunch,” Annabeth said, “Over falafel and a large bottle of Advil.”

As you moved further with Annabeth you both shuddered at a bunch of sickles. “I don’t like sickles. They remind me of a certain Titan,” Annabeth elaborated, but as you both kept walking you didn’t notice that Magnus lingered at this exhibit.

You see, the sickles were actually a talisman that was the symbol of Frey. They would be used for the harvest. And maybe it was Magnus’s imagination, but the light seemed to get brighter and warmer in the display case when he looked.

“Hey dad,” Magnus said, after which he reluctantly moved along.

One of the last displays of the exhibit was a bunch of little silver Valkyrie amulets. As Magnus caught up to you and Annabeth he spoke up, “Sam would love these,” “I’ve got to meet Samirah one of these days,” Annabeth said, “She sounds great.” “Yeah,” Magnus said, “Just try not to meet her the way I did, by dying.” “I think if we die, we get a different afterlife,” you commented, but Annabeth ignored you. “Deal,” she said, “Ready for some falafel?”

“The answer to that is always yes,”

And as you headed out to get lunch, a little bit of your family got repaired. It might be a while until you were as close as you were when you were little, but in time it will get better. That is, if no one died an early death (again).

[astro-witchery]

—ℐ𝓃𝓉𝓇ℴ𝒹𝓊𝒸𝓉𝒾ℴ𝓃—

My name is Sasha. I am a cosmic/astro/lunar witch. This means: I do a lot of rituals around the moon cycles, I tend to also do intention setting based on lunar phases, and live my life by astrological and cosmic patterns and magic.

I am also an astrologer (I’ve been practicing and studying for over 6 years). I’m a Sagittarius sun, Sagittarius moon, and Cancer ascendant in Tropical Astrology. {Scorpio Sun, Sagittarius Moon, and Gemini Ascendant in Western Sidereal.} I study all types of astrology but I’m most well versed in Western Tropical and am studying Traditional Hellenistic Tropical Astrology to blend the aspects of both together.

I also do tarot, oracle, & dabble with other forms of divination. Plus, I believe myself to be claircognizant and use this to help aide in my witchery.

I consider myself an Agnostic Pagan and Witchy. I am also and animist. I identified as a Hellenic Polytheist for a while but have recently decided to explore my ancestry and it’s relation to other spiritual paths (absolutely not in a folkish or racist way btw!) I am adopted and it’s always been really hard for me, not being able to explore my ancestry and do ancestor work within my spiritual practice.

I am possibly a mix of Anglo-Saxon, Devon, & Cornish descent. My adopted family is of Scottish, Welsh, & French descent. I’m still putting together my biological family tree. This very hard for me to do as I don’t have a lot of access to info being an adoptee. (I am not claiming I have certain rights to cultures because of this, I am just trying to learn about my ancestors and their spiritual practices to find answers about my own inherent beliefs about spirituality that I was born with.)

I have always had a love for religious and philosophical studies. I had very profound spiritual experiences at a very young age (for example: I knew I was reincarnated without even really knowing what death was or about spirituality). Most people in these spaces have a similar story to starting off Christian and not being satisfied (or being traumatized) by their church. I grew up Baptist and when I could explore other options after I left home I did.

I currently research: Christian Sects (especially Catholicism and Greek Orthodoxy, but also really enjoy niche fringe sects and “folk Catholicism” or “Christian Witchcraft”), Pagan and Polytheistic religions (Hellenic Polytheism, Proto Indo-European Polytheism, Anglo-Saxon Heathenry, Norse Heathenry, & Celtic Polytheism or more specifically Cornish/Devon/Welsh Druidism), Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheism, and honestly I could add more to list but I don’t want to ramble on. This does not mean I am an eclectic witch or that I mix pantheons or practices, I just enjoy reading/studying all types of world religions and I’m still searching for the right practice for me.

This is just a place where I can share and reblog helpful info and share aspects of my craft ~

☾ ⁂ ——————— 🜸☆

𖦹 This Account Stands Against Bigotry 𖦹

This account is accepting of all people of all religions and belief systems that are not harmful to others. This account is a safe space for LGBTQA+ identities, disabled folks, mentally ill folks, plural/multiple folks, & strangers/travelers/homeless folks. This account is against racism, homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, ALL the problematic isms.

I don’t do DNIs bc I prefer to block people.

I am happy that you are here! If I follow you back it will be from my main account @s4shiii

Feel free to send asks to get to know me more, to inquire about readings, or ask astrological questions. I do offer full paid astrological natal chart readings in Western Tropical & I also offer tarot card readings all for a sliding scale price! ~

[brybryby]

I completely agree that Miles Upshore is queer, and Waylon is on the spectrum as well! If you have your friends analysis still plzzzzz link! I crave the content!!!

HI HI THANK YOU FOR THE ASK! 💜

I wish I had his analysis still!!! aarrrrgh it's been so long ;-; But I can try to relay some of the points he made (and add some of my own)!

This gets pretty lengthy so be prepared :')

I also added external links but they’re only there if you want to read more about the point I’m making! Feel free to skip them!

also // TW for mentions of SA

Miles

Story-wise, my friend found it interesting that Miles was the perfect host for the Walrider. Wernicke and Alan Turing were friends/lovers who worked on the technology that culminated into Project Walrider, so there's already a sense that the Walrider was founded on Wernicke and Turing's love for each other.

So, before I move on, I'll talk a bit about Alan Turing. In college, I had professors praise him for being the “Founder of Modern Computing”, cracking Nazi code, and also for being an advocate for gay rights.

More details here:

Out of every prominent scientist during the Cold War Era, Alan Turing was selected to play a role in Outlast's stories. And he didn't just happen to be openly gay—JT Petty purposefully made this significant to Wernicke's character. Not to mention, Wernicke made allusions to Frankenstein, allowing us to inspect the parallels between Wernicke & the Walrider with Frankenstein & Frankenstein's monster. When it comes to gothic & queer literature, Frankenstein is on the forefront of it, and I'm confident that JT Petty would be familiar with that (since he's a writer who's well-versed in horror/gothic art).

With Frankenstein, there's this idea to create life without heterosexual means (under the impression of cis-heteronormativity). Frankenstein's monster was also a sexualized creature—supposedly a representation of the “ideal man”—described as “beautiful”. Additionally, the novel was a critique of patriarchal norms through elements of sexualities. These aren't too different from Wernicke & the Walrider. The Walrider is arguably created through homosexual means in its abstract (Wernicke & Turing). This particular version of the Walrider that possesses Billy & Miles is stated to be the “masterpiece” by Simon Peacock—its appearance is also fairly sexual. And similarly, Outlast critiques patriarchal norms through its grotesque visuals of “masculinity”.

Frankenstein queer analysis:

Frankenstein sexual suppression analysis:

With all these story elements, there's certainly a queerness about the Walrider AND Outlast, which the devs openly embrace.

There's also many parallels between Frankenstein's monster and Miles. In the United States (and westernized countries in general), there are societal standards that function around cis-heteronormativity. Think of the traditional American nuclear family: A husband/father who's the breadwinner and patriarch, a loving wife/mother who cooks and stays at home to take care of the kids—they're mostly white, Christian, and American citizens. [WARNING: TRIALS SPOILERS AHEAD] The ideal American man is further illustrated in Officer Coyle's dialogue: “If only they were upstanding citizens like myself. Pay your taxes, do your job, fuck your wife, put a little something in the plate at service. America don't ask much.” Miles is arguably the antithesis of this, which is likely the reason he doesn't have any close friends/family—he was likely rejected by society. Frankenstein's monster follows a similar arc: he is also rejected by society and seeks refuge in seclusion. (The concept of “rejection by society” is inherent in queerness.)

With these parallels, it makes sense for Miles to be the ideal host for the Walrider. Additionally, Miles embodies queerness that isn't strictly homosexual—I mean his whole background/lifestyle is already, by definition, “queer”—but questions regarding his sexuality arise when inspecting other details of his character.

My friend pointed out the whole “Manhandler Hairspray for the Active Man” detail in Miles' apartment. There are a lot of homosexual undertones in the label, and it's hard not to think otherwise. “Manhandler” and “Active” are terms which indicate the “top” role in gay culture. I mean, it's possible that Miles is just embodying the “metrosexual” identity (basically straight men who embody characteristics associated with homosexuality) but metrosexuality is rooted in consumerism, which doesn't exactly align with Miles' character since he is openly critical of capitalism. I think the hairspray hints at queerness (or at least gender non-conformity).

Article on “metrosexuality”:

https://www.nytimes.com/2003/06/22/style/metrosexuals-come-out.html

The most revolutionary detail that my friend pointed out was the fact that Miles went out of his way to roast the ever-living shit out of everyone he came across at Mount Massive, begging the question: why is he so fixated on the appearances of other men? This could stem from his own insecurities of being rejected by society or insecurities of his own vanity (considering the hairspray he uses and the fact that he goes jogging…and if he's just trying to be healthy through exercise then he needs to explain his self-destructive alcoholism…idk…jogging for mental health? It’s open to interpretation…WAIT I mean he could just be keep up his physical fitness also with all the investigating he has to do anyways fjshshkdhd). It was just interesting that Miles was so fixated on physical appearances that it makes me wonder if he'd make similar comments about women—I don't believe he would and I'll explain below.

I know that we need to take Red Barrels' tweets with a grain of salt—they're known for deleting tweets that detail misinformation about the protagonists—but I find this tweet particularly interesting. I may be looking too much into it, especially since it's just a tweet and not presented in the games/comics, but it certainly is reflective of Red Barrels' values of respecting women and not viewing women as sexual objects, along with the notion of dismantling cis-heteropatriarchy/chivalry. It certainly doesn't mean he's not straight, but he doesn't particularly view women as sexual objects either (and I know that straight men are capable of not viewing women as sexual objects). Food for thought.

Some extra stuff:

Anti-conservatism and punk ideology (which Miles explicitly embodies) are pillars of queer culture in the political sphere.

The Germanic folklore, which the Walrider is based off of, exhibits notions of sexuality (though, probably not in the best light).

[TRIALS SPOILER] Wernicke’s dream therapy is associated with Dr. Easterman’s queerness—Easterman would be distracted by Wernicke’s handsomeness (and they both explicitly critique heterosexual relationships). Again, this supports the Walrider’s themes of sexuality.

Waylon

As for WAYLON, even though there isn't concrete evidence in the games to intentionally indicate queerness, that isn't to say he is entirely heterosexual (because assuming he's heterosexual is yet another product of the “ideal American man” image in a cis-heteronormative society, and Outlast's narratives are about dismantling this notion). In fact, now that you bring it up, I agree that Waylon can be considered on the queer spectrum/under the queer umbrella.

Regarding the “dismantling the ideal American man in a cis-heteronormative society” concept…the devs, artists, writer(s), actors, and contributors to the games' development are not only open/accepting of things outside of society's norms/expectations, but many are social activists. Chimwemwe Miller (VA for Chris Walker) is outspoken about being Black, Black history, and racism—he also narrated an audiobook which discussed racism, colonialism, & imperialism. Erika Rosenbaum (VA for Lynn Langermann) organized provisions for refugees and is active in environmental causes and feminism—she also spoke out during the #MeToo movement. Shawn Baichoo (VA for Miles, Waylon, & Blake) is also vocal about feminism/racism and was a huge advocate for his character Wrench's bisexuality from Watch Dogs 2, which became confirmed in a later installment of the Watch Dogs franchise.

I bring this up because Red Barrels actually entertains the idea of Waylon x Eddie (in the hypothetical that Eddie wasn't an antagonist like he was in the game…so like, erasing his problematic features baha…this deserves an analysis of its own) without mentioning sexuality or anything like that. Obviously, this can be seen as a way to entertain the fanbase, but I think it's worth mentioning that Waylon isn't opposed to homosexuality. After all, Waylon never makes homophobic remarks in his notes nor comments on male sexuality—he's just fearful of being assaulted (as anyone would be, regardless of gender/sexuality). He would, in fact, engage in a homosexual relationship according to this hypothetical.

(Note: the term “insane” is a harmful descriptor in this context, which is why I wrote “wasn’t an antagonist like he was in the game”)

So yea! I definitely think there's queerness with Waylon's character. And I don't exactly mean this to be “representation” because there's a lot of responsibility that comes with that, but ultimately I think it adds to what the franchise and the devs are trying to do—normalize queerness and dismantle the notion of the “ideal American man in a cis-heteronormative society” (and if you've studied socioeconomics/social theory, you know that this notion is a product of capitalism, which is another important theme in the franchise).

Here are some resources about the intersectionalities of cis-heteropatriarchy, capitalism, & queerness if you'd like to read more about it :)

(this one below is quite lengthy, but goes VERY DEEP)

All in all, my interpretation is that the franchise operates on the idea that “queerness” is normal or innate, but social structures are what label it otherwise. I've seen a lot of discussion surrounding Outlast characters' queerness, and it's interesting to me that the antagonists' sexualities get more attention amongst casual players than the protagonists' sexualities (and I think I can understand why, it's just a lot to unpack).

Just as many of the antagonists can be read as queer, the protagonists should arguably be read through the same lens. I truly do think Miles and Waylon (and even Lynn and Blake!) deserve to be inspected under queer lens. Doing so aligns with the franchise's philosophy/narratives. Also the idea of “queer characters taking down capitalism” is super empowering (and actually very identifiable hehe).

(Sorry, I think I projected a lot of my own personal values and biases into this post LOL hhhjdsfh feel free to critique anything I've written!)

This is my first time inspecting Waylon through a queer lens, so thank you for the ask!! I had a lot of fun writing this up :D

[midnightvelvetx]

Hi everyone .ᐟ my name is daisy, i’m 27 and currently living in the cst timezone. i’m currently looking for 1x1 partners to roleplay with on discord!

i have been roleplaying in groups for almost two years, writing from supernatural to celebrity rps. but lately, 1x1 sounds much better because i tend to get busy. a few things about myself included, i am a proud cancer, a mother of two, and a sabrina carpenter enthusiast.

please be aware that this blog will have nsfw themes so please interact if you’re 21+.

i am interested in mxf and fxf plots. i roleplay as sabrina carpenter as a fc but will also roleplay as madison beer as well. mostly sabrina though. i am also open to any fcs if you have any preferences. some of the fcs include: shawn mendes, pedro pascal, glen powell, christian hogue, any athlete fc, and taylor swift.

please be aware that most of the plots will contain smut! some of the plots that i have experience with are small town rp, celebrity oc, supernatural, the last of us, ex on the beach rp, and college verse, etc.

if you are interested in forming friendships outside of ic, that’s fine as well. most of my best friends i have met in discord. my activity is mostly high, although i am a mother. if you have made it this far, feel free to like this post and i will reach out with my discord!

[byzantine-suggestions]

@suburbanbeatnik OK SO:

As far as the “mixing up different historical eras” problem goes, this actually happens in a lot of different novels. Theodora by Samuel Edwards is the most blatant example I can think of at the moment—near the end of the book, a horde of Huns, inexplicably led by Khosrow, starts marching on Constantinople while Justinian is in his plague coma, and Theodora sells the crown jewels (I don’t believe the narrative specifies the buyer) to fund Belisarius and his troops, who are the city’s last defense. Khosrow is similar to Mehmed II, Theodora takes on the role of Anna of Savoy, and the overall political situation is implied to be very bad for Byzantium, with Constantinople on the brink of total failure and most of the empire's territory gone. (Like, there’s discussion of Justinian and Theodora meeting the invaders at the gates so they can die together, because they think the whole empire is collapsing.) The story does end with the Byzantines winning (using Greek fire, another anachronism), and Theodora gets her jewels back (I do not remember how), but yeah, the author completely blended two very different periods together. Different variants of this exact plot appear in different novels—a *lot* of books treat the 540s as politically similar to the 1200s or 1300s, and a *lot* of books have Theodora sell her crown for some reason or another, usually to fund the defense of the City or one of Justinian’s schemes. (One book–maybe one of the ones by Marié Heese? I can’t think of the title, sorry)—had her sell her jewels to fund the building of the Hagia Sophia. (She gets them back in that book, too—I think Narses literally just discovers an enormous stockpile of gold somewhere, and that fixes the financial problems.) And a lot of different books put Belisarius in a Heraclius or Basil-like role, although I’m less well-versed in Belisarius books than I am in Theodora books. (The Sarantine Mosaic by Guy Gavriel Kay definitely did this—the character of Leontes is pretty much Heraclius and Belisarius combined, while Valerius and Aliana are straightforward Justinian and Theodora equivalents, except for the fact Aliana is the equivalent of an iconodule rather than a Monophysite. But that gets a pass, imo, because it’s not pretending to be totally accurate.)

Religious inaccuracies and mixups are also really common overall, especially in older books. One Victorian-era book called Blue and Green, or the Gift of God: A Novel of Old Constantinople was very bad with this, presumably because the author was a British Protestant who made no secret of his disdain for the “pagan heathenism” of the Byzantine Empire. (His descriptions of religious ceremonies are very funny, because he describes them as, like, Christian ceremonies, if Christian ceremonies had strippers and drugs. The inciting incident of Theodora’s spiral into prostitution is her doing an erotic dance at a respectable, aristocratic wedding—not a bachelor party, an actual wedding—and this is presented as normal.) Really, you can probably just check out any Byzantine book from before, say, the 1980s on archive.org, and there’ll be weird religious anachronisms all over the place. Lots of authors bring iconoclasm or the East-West Schism (the one that happened in 1054) into the sixth century, I guess because those are more recognizable and dramatic than the Monophysite thing. Authors tend to put Justinian and Theodora on the opposite sides of these conflicts, and Theodora is usually on whatever side they consider “wrong,” which differs significantly from book to book depending on the author’s religious leanings.

Regarding the Theodora/Macedonia thing—Ross Laidlaw’s Justinian: The Sleepless One definitely did this (there were a couple of cringe sex scenes in this book—he always referred to Macedonia as “the other one,” I guess to avoid saying her name a bunch of times? It’d be like “Theodora felt the other one’s lips...” and so on. It sounded so strange.) Macedonia was Theodora’s main love interest—Theodora does marry Justinian, and she likes him well enough as a person, but she’s pretty explicitly gay and uninterested in men, and she has an affair with Macedonia until Macedonia dies in an earthquake. I believe Stella Duffy’s Actress, Empress, Whore duology also had Theodora and Macedonia hook up, but Duffy’s sex scenes were less fetishistic and cringeworthy, and their relationship didn’t last for the entirety of the novel. Theodora having sex (or sexually charged interactions) with Antonina, Macedonia and her other female friends is reasonably common in shitty Theodora novels in general, but it’s never, like, a plot point. It’s just an excuse for the author to write about attractive young women getting it on in the Roman baths, or whatever other fetish-y nonsense piques his interest.

These points aren’t even the weirdest things about most of these books, though. I should just sit down one day and do a full post about all of the absurd things that happen in Justinian and Theodora stories, because shit gets real weird in most of them. Messy historical anachronisms and fetish-y male-gaze lesbian sex scenes are nowhere near the strangest aspects of some of these books—remind me, one day, to talk about all of the Penis Diseases these authors invent to explain away Justinian and Theodora's infertility.

[mothgardens]

it is 2am and i am feeling so much sam winchester love rn so here is a list of taylor swift songs i think resonate with him:

1. Anti-Hero

I feel as tho all the lyrics work towards his character.

Mr. Samuel “It’s me, Hi, I’m the problem it’s me… everybody agrees,” Winchester

I should not be left to my own devices -> Dean constantly implies that Sam shouldn’t be left to figure things out on his own. He does this so much that Sam actually confronts him about it, multiple times.

I wake up screaming from dreaming -> Sam used to wake up from his visions freaked the hell out.

The second verse is also very fitting; he always felt like a freak or monster compared to everyone else.

2. Clean

DEMON BLOOD !!!!!!

I think it works really well for his addiction arc because the song is about toxic relationships (aka RUBY).

The drought being the worst -> Being locked in Bobby’s panic room.

The flowers that we grown together died of thirst -> The powers that grew and developed during his addiction and slowly disappeared when he was sobering.

I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing -> Sam was shouting and banging for hours down in the panic room and no one came to check on him until he was quiet.

Ten months older, I wont give in. Now that i’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it -> He never went back

3. Nothing New

Honestly, the whole reason this song is on the list is because of the lyric:

How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22 -> Sam left for Stanford at 18. That was his first taste of freedom; it was his first time deciding something for himself. He was his own person. He had finally escaped. But, then at 22, Dean came and brought him back in. Jess dies. Everything feels lost again.

In general, I think Sam has lost of teenage girl vibes to him tho. This is probably self projection, but I think its true and this is MY analysis so <3.

4. My Tears Ricochet

This song is about Sam and John’s Stanford fight, and general dynamics that they share.

This one is going to get it’s own in depth, dedicated post <3 but some highlights are:

Even on my worst day, did i deserve, all the hell you gave me -> Sam was a child. No matter how arrogant or frustrating he could be, John should have never been so harsh on him. Telling your kid to never come back just because he wants to go to college is INSANE.

And I can go anywhere I want, just not home -> THIS LINE IS SO AHHHHHHH SAMMY.

Cursing my name, wishing i stayed -> John. John. John. Cursing Sam to never return, while simultaneously wishing he had never left.

Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave -> Parallel, John telling Sam he being brave on a hunt VS John condescendingly saying Sam was being brave for standing up to him.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same -> John realizing that Sam might have to die if nothing changes. John giving that responsibility to Dean by giving his life for Dean’s; selfless selfishness.

5. Mirrorball

Mr. Samuel “And when I break, it’s in a million pieces” Winchester

I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me -> Sam continuously tries to do his best under every circumstance. Even though most of the people around him have such little faith in him. He won’t stop trying.

And I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why -> His faith is God and the stereotypical Christian religion in general throughout the series fascinates me. He has very little reason to keep his faith, but he does. Even in later seasons, I think it was s11, when he prays and believes that Lucifer’s visions are actually messages from God.

I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try -> Sam doesn’t actually know what he is doing. He uses his training, but that only can get you so far in mental battles with Lucifer or physical battles with God. He does what he thinks is right. He just wants to help.

6. This Is Me Trying

This is also in the works of developing its own post. Highlights include:

I didn’t know if you’d care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that -> Sam never got to know if Dean wanted him back. All that time spent at Stanford he had to wonder if his father and brother actually missed him or not.

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down -> This just screams Lucifer trauma to me

THEY TOLD ME ALL MY CAGES WERE MENTAL, SO I GOT WASTED LIKE ALL MY POTENTIAL -> *violently screams and shakes* The visions, Demon blood, Hallucifer, literally anytime Sam is struggling it is brushed off as him being too worked up about it. Dean literally COMPLAINED to Bobby about how much work it was that Sam was mentally ill. LIKE DUDE.

AND MY WORDS SHOOT TO KILL WHEN IM MAD, I HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT THAT -> Sam does say shit that is hurtful. He does shit that is bad. It’s usually out of frustration from someone else’s actions towards him. AKA it’s usually towards Dean, when Dean belittles him.

pouring out my heart to a stranger, BUT I DIDNT POUR THE WHISKEY -> Sam vs Dean (this is NOT me belittling Dean’s alcoholism bc i get he has an issue)

That this is me trying, AT LEAST IM TRYING -> Again, Sam is just doing his best.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I when i feel like an open wound -> Sam has to just behave and go through his life normally even when he is struggling with abandonment, addiction, 180 years of every abuse imaginable and unimaginable, guilt, and just so much suffering.

It ’s hard to be anywhere when all i want is you, you’re a flashback -> Sam’s feelings about Jess. I constantly think about that scene in the impala when he tells Dean that he still thinks about her. It had been like twelve or more years. Its so painful.

—

please excuse my typos

i am yet but just a girl

<3

[eliza1911o1]

Druckmann stating David is a dark version of Joel is a -10/10 take absolutely not okay because them being parallels implies they share many similarities… David acting as a reflection of Joel’s role (as many of the character’s we meet mirror Ellie+Joel’s position in the story), though, is a 11/10 choice. I believe the showed really emphasized this and yeah, I get it seems nit-picky, but it’s important to note how paralleling the two characters in such a way serves to explain how differently they approach the role of guardian and what could have been if Ellie had met someone else. Additionally, it’s leading us to the conclusion that even a a good person (read: parent) doesn’t always do everything right (*spoilers if you don’t know the game*)

Joel and David are both older male figures who appear to want to care for Ellie. They set these two up for compare and contrast through the role of a “father” figure (an older caring mentor who can be responsible for her). The word “father” is frequently used in ep 8 when addressing Joel as well as when David refers to himself, expressing how both of them are random men who found their way into Ellie’s lonely life. There is also a sense of obsession the two have towards Ellie and keeping her around that is followed be violence, which is utilized as an expression/form of love. Their motives and characters couldn’t be more fundamentally different.

Initially, Joel has no interest in helping Ellie and no expectation of trust. Joel’s conception of a father seems to be the universal expectation of providing, teaching, fundamentally caring for a child’s well-being. The only reason he begins to open up to Ellie is due to circumstance and the ghost of his daughter, who he feels he failed; the association comes with a deep personal trauma by unconditional love. Furthermore, this sense of care is entirely one of a parent, exhibiting care so great that his well-being and even the world doesn’t matter as long as she’s okay

In contrast, David is clearly beyond words off the rails messed up. He does appears to have little to no understandable morals, exhibiting little inhibition to resorting to cannibalism, physical intimidation, sexual violence, and pedophilia. What’s more, from what he insulates, this is not a result of the apocalypse, a breakdown of humanity — instead, this is a part of himself now freed. The apocalypse has not caused this collapse of morals, it has actually justified his propensity for the inhumane. David sees the violence in Ellie, but he’s partially confusing this inclination, which has been fostered by humanity’s collapse, extreme traumas, and general survival. Honestly, I’m not going to even try to understand his mind or why he would think it’s okay to kidnap and potentially try to make Ellie his partner — all that matters for this is how David sees this action as caring for her and views himself in a father role by doing such (he crazy so don’t even try to ask how he came to those conclusions)

On a related tangent (trust me here), ep 8 emphasizes religion quite a bit, most noticeably in the way the community is steeped in some form of Christianity and David is a preacher. Less clearly is this reduction of religion (or a faith in God) to faith in an individual. David, as we learn more about him, seems to have a God-complex, framing his himself as a savior and leader in his community; he utilizes religion to frame his actions as unquestionable. Furthermore, while the usage of “father” is frequent and in places implies reference to, it never directly mentions a relation to God. the opening verse that David reads (Revelation 21:3-4) is also supportive of this, as it states, “God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.” Not only is David attributing himself to a God-like status, but also this position of a “father” as a leader of faith in correlation with Ellie.

We have seen the way Ellie mimics Joel, like in the beginning of ep 8 when she threatens David and James over the deer. She gladly follows his “teachings” and even seeks them, shown in the way she continuously begs Joel to tell her what to following his incapacitation. She’s also only kid and this has been the first time she’s ever been loved in this way, so there’s no reason for Ellie not to feel okay with relying on Joel with almost blind faith.

But Joel is not perfect and he is not prepared to teach a kid how to grow up in the apocalypse. While Joel and David provide similar offers (at least from their first impressions), Joel will never take advantage of Ellie in the cruel way David would have. It actually highlights Joel’s humanity, and so, even when he is torturing and killing men for information on her whereabouts, this feels justified since Joel is a good man and a good father. Joel may cross lines, but it is out of necessity OR maybe he just doesn’t cross too many/the wrong ones, so we’re still able to stand with him.

Nevertheless, this conflict of morals (being a good person in a world where, really, you die if you’re good) has an especially strong impact on Ellie, who is only 14. A major theme of the game and especially so for the show is the concept of violence and idea that, in Ellie’s world, violence has become a show of love. Mazin himself states how Ellie’s tendency for violence has been enhanced through Joel’s presentations of care being through acts of violence, tracing this back to Joel killing the guard in episode 2. David says this plainly to Ellie, how Joel kills a man not defending himself, but defending her. The lines that should not be crossed are blurred; in the apocalypse, do they exist at all?

David, disgustingly enough, leads us the answer: cordyceps love through violence, this is not how humans love. “People need a father” and Ellie is not beyond that. David accepts we’re all animals, but Joel continues to teach Ellie what it means to be more than that through the way he treats her equally, he worries for her, he kills only when necessary (iffy, but at least it’s not out of enjoyment), and simply cares. Ellie has warped violence as a form of love, however, this is not all she knows, which is what makes the end of TLOU pt. II all the more poignant. *SPOILER* albeit stuck in a cycle of violence, Ellie finally decides to end things with her choice not to kill Abby. Though I don’t particularly like pt. II and don’t know if it was perfect enough to justify killing off Joel, I can appreciate the ideas behind it and think the emphasis on forgiveness is a powerful statement

[hiswordsarekisses]

Most of my Christian walk I focused on the last part of this verse about resisting the devil in trying to resist Satan's attacks and accusations. One day my daughter pointed out to me that we have to pay attention to the first part of the verse first because it is most important and it literally tells you how to do the second part. "Submit yourselves therefore to God" is the actual “victory strategy!”

We cannot resist Satan in our own efforts - but that is exactly what happens when we do not first submit to God.

The key to a successful walk with God - is complete submission to God from your heart. We cannot depend on our own human resistance to the devil.

We have to let go - first of all - giving God everything. That includes everything that may give the enemy an entrance or access into our life that he may use to attack us - and anything that may be hindering or even blocking our spiritual growth. We should always even ask God to expose, and make us aware of the things we do not realize are giving open doors or windows - or causing us not to grow! Because sometimes we do not even realize!!

We have to surrender our own preconceived ideas on how to overcome sin or Satan and rely only on God's Word. His Word and prayer are the only weapons we have and they are the only weapons we need, along with the love of the truth. I literally pray every day that God will put the love of the truth in my heart.

I had to learn to actively set my attention on spiritual matters throughout my day - His Word, His music, etc. Keeping my attention fully on God, with God honoring things.

This is why I tend to post so much, because I’m constantly in the Word throughout the day - in my personal Bible, my Bible app, my strategically filtered newsfeeds, playlists, etc., and when something ministers to me I am compelled to share it, because my thinking it that it’s likely to help others as well.

“For though we live in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh. The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Corinthians 10:4-6

Our main source of attack and conflict in life is not with other people, but against spiritual forces of evil (Eph, 6:12), For that reason, worldly weapons will never defeat our real enemy and demolish Satan's strongholds.

Only the weapons that God provides will do that - and they will help us with things like resisting the devil, ungodliness, and false teaching.

The love of the truth, the Word of God, and prayer are powerful weapons from God against spiritual enemies.

They will literally force demons out of our lives, wash us clean, and literally transform us.

It’s tempting to listen to, and rely on human wisdom - which can seem helpful at times, but not lasting - and it won’t have the spiritual power that comes from God's Word (which is ALIVE and transforming).

Only the power of the Holy Spirit can destroy sin's power in people's lives, and rescue them from Satan's sneaky schemes.

Our spiritual warfare is often fought on the battleground of our minds, and this requires bringing all our thoughts and desires into line with the character and purposes of Jesus, which we find in His Word. When we don’t do not know His Word it leaves us wide open to ungodly thoughts and battles that seem to just take over our lives.

Some of our thoughts originate from our own desires and imaginations - or they can come from worldly influences - but many come directly from evil forces trying to influence our thinking.

These ungodly thoughts, fears, and temptations will literally resist, oppose and set themselves up “against the knowledge of God!” (His Word!!!) But we do not have to let them hold us captive! We do have control over what we think!

It is not a sin to be tempted or have a thought. Jesus himself was tempted (Matt. 4:1-11). But giving in to temptation is a sin, and dwelling on the thought can lead to sin.

If we deliberately and foolishly expose ourselves to images and situations that we know will bring ungodly thoughts and desires, we have already crossed a boundary line and set ourselves up for failure - God promises a way of escape - but if we choose not to take His way and the escape He shows us - it is definitely sin.

When a thought or temptation comes into our mind, we have to immediately take hold of that thought before it goes any further into our spirit and consider how it measures up to the standards of God's Word. We cannot dwell on the thought - we have to catch it and replace it with the truth of God’s Word.

I will say “No!” Out loud, and then I will say out loud “God please take that out of my heart and replace it with Your character!” And I speak His Word that applies against that thought out loud as well. (Of course if I’m in public I will either speak under my breath or in my mind!) it’s no good scaring people lol!

I always ask for His strength, especially if I’m having trouble with being bombarded with a certain thought, or a train of thought.

Like: "God, here it is; take it. You already dealt with this as you suffered for my sin. I need your help with this issue, and I submit my thoughts to you."

Philippians 4:8 says that "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable - if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

These kinds of thoughts will actually guard our mind against ungodly desires and help us say "No!" to the devil, temptation and sin.

This is how we “set our mind” (and thoughts) on God, His Word, and eternal things, rather than on earthly things.

We have to be careful what our eyes see and our ears hear, because these are the absolutely powerful doors to our mind.

“Those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh; but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace” Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭5‬-‭6‬‬

[transienttheologyproject]

i hope my followers & others keeping up & supporting this project know that whenever you leave a kind message on my post — whether it be something as simple as a tagging your reblog of my posts with ‘!!!’ or as personal as sending me a message to the effect of ‘this type of work means so much to me thank you for doing it,’ you are helping me keep my momentum going.

bit of a whole big rant below, sorry for the length, but tl;dr i’m just immensely grateful for what support this project has received because the backlash it has gotten has taken way more of a toll on me & my mental health than i anticipated, and your kindness has helped in motivating me to not just completely wipe this whole thing from the internet.

today yesterday kinda sucked. a lot of the past couple weeks have sucked, especially since pushing more of an online presence with this zine, because of course, with something like this you’re naturally gonna attract a range of Christians, from those ‘gender-criticals’ (whatever that means) who think I’m misguided, to those who begin their messages by calling me & my work perverted, to those whose vitriolic transphobia manifests in sending me Gospel verses weaponized as straight-up death threats. and obviously i knew this was going to happen, and it did, even from as early on as when i was posting the calls-for-art.

and at first i handled it well — i deleted whatever i felt wasn’t worth my time responding to, and if i could meme a hate-comment into a promotional tiktok, then i kept it around to do exactly that. and that worked. i told myself i wasn’t going to get defensive and bound up in keyboard wars because the purpose of this specific project, this specific platform isn’t for debating or dialoguing with Christians who don’t affirm trans+ identities — it’s to serve those who are trans+ and Christian, and I didn’t want this intra-community effort to become an inter-community debate forum. dialogue is a perfectly necessary thing, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a time & a place for everything and this project wasn’t meant to be it.

as the weeks went on, however, the negative attention this project was receiving began to take a toll on me. it didn’t help that in addition to the anticipated pushback from Christian peers, some of the trans+ folks i knew gave me a hard time for ‘bootlicking the oppressor.’ i was, and still definitely am, having the most intense experience i’ve had to this day of the exact type of ostracization that inspired me to pursue this project in the first place — too trans for the Christians, too Christian for the trans folks.

receiving comments calling an academic research project i dedicated my entire summer to “perverted” made me doubt everything i had worked so hard on. accusations of “heresy” and “blasphemy” i had expected and received plenty of, but perversion was not something i had anticipated. comments like “you make me sick” made me second-guess everything i had done leading up to that moment — am i sickening? i was falling for the false narrative that exists as the backbone of much of today’s transphobia — that trans+ people are inherently groomers, monstrous predators. i was perverting my body, they said, and scripture, too — and i began to wonder if they were right.

receiving comments like “enjoy your insanity! I hope the boot still tastes good when they've taken away all our rights so you could feel like ‘one of the good ones’” made me doubt my identity as a Christian. yeah, it’s no secret that the anti-trans legislation running rampant and scaffolding an era of fascism in the United States is the result of neoconservative Christians who represent more the Rome that Jesus mocked & condemned than Christ’s mission itself. i began to worry if calling myself Christian identified me with the oppressor and if talking about transness from a Christian perspective was really a helpful endeavor or if i was essentially stabbing my trans+ community in the back.

you’d think that given the nature of this project, i would be better about not letting those sorts of interactions wear me out. because i’m conducting a project that’ll say “hey, trans+ Christians, you don’t have to choose between those two facets of your identity because they’re not mutually exclusive,” you’d think i would’ve had that mindset confidently internalized. or maybe you wouldn’t think that, but i guess i thought so myself. and i guess i thought that expecting the petty backlash & having done enough research to dismiss it was enough to be prepared for it. not really.

from the beginning, i told myself, “don’t let the mean ones get to you, you’re smart and have done your research and know what you’re talking about.” but there was such a separation between myself and my work this summer that i never truly internalized what i was writing about — i believed it, but i didn’t necessarily believe it for myself.

this project has been a labor of love. and i definitely think the labor part got the best of me this whole summer. the literary review was a drag. writing up the annotated bibliography was immensely frustrating and took me way longer than i would have liked. same with the zine’s section prefaces. and i had planned and hoped to meet with and interview several professionals in the various fields examined in the zine — and i totally dropped the ball because of… something that felt like burnout, which actually made me feel like i had committed the biggest blunder of my professional career before it had even begun. I’m still recovering from that.

the mental and emotional toll this has caused me, the academic, spiritual, psychological, and physical strife this whole endeavor has proven to have been has resulted in me sort of dissociating from the project; i talked about it as though it was a passion project of mine — which it is — but as i was working on it, i felt so disconnected from the material. as if it were akin to a homework assignment in a class i couldn’t care less about.

i’ve been in a tough spot regarding mental health for a long while now (for various other reasons besides this), and i’ve reached the point where i’ve wanted to pull the plug on something to just try and break whatever vicious cycle im trapped in, whether that something be as large-scale as dropping out of university, or as low-scale as shaving all my hair off, or maybe…well, maybe since i can pinpoint these online interactions and this research pursuit as a whole as contributing substantially to my poor mental state, maybe i should pull the plug on the zine. screw it, delete the social media pages & the website, make sure artists get their copies & be done with it.

but i have folks who have been legitimately looking forward to this — not even just people of the intended audience! i have cis Christian friends on my college campus who had never met a(n openly) trans+ person, let alone a trans Christian, before they had met me who have demonstrated such a genuine eagerness to learn from the expressions of faith and gender from myself & others like me. i know a Catholic mother — the sweetest woman — who is ordering a physical copy of the zine so she can try to understand and support her two trans+ daughters, and any other trans+ people she meets, better. i’ve had countless people — strangers — message me “this work you are doing is incredible and incredibly needed. thank you for doing it.” i’ve seen several people, folks just scrolling through their tiktok for you page who don’t even usually follow after leaving me comments to the effect of “yknow, this is a strange crossover episode, but i’m here for it, this is cool!”

there are people who want this work out there. and what’s more is that there are people who need this work out there. and i guess every time someone goes out of their way to extend some kindness towards me and gratitude for this project, i am reminded that i am among those who need this work. those little moments ground me in the purpose and mission of this project — to serve my trans+ Christian community, particularly those who may be having trouble reconciling their intersection within those identities especially within the current socio-political climate. and like, that’s me!!! i am a member of my community, i am a part of the people i am hoping to serve.

everything i was (and truthfully, still am) anxious about, everything that was (and is) weighing on my heart is everything that this project hopes to challenge. all the doubt i’ve been experiencing as of late is exactly what inspired me to do this work in the first place.

and the kindness and gratitude so many of you have extended towards me in the past few weeks, especially within the past few days, have truly helped ground me. i’m still struggling to get back on my emotional feet per se, which is why i will ask that if you find a moment, you keep me in your prayers — but i genuinely mean it when i say that every positive tag on a reblog, every share on one’s story and every kind comment serves as a reminder to me that a.) there are people will be genuinely served by a project like this, and not only that, but b.) i am one of those people. you all remind me to take a look at what i’ve done from the perspective of a trans Christian, not of a student researcher or a graphic designer or a social media moderator or any of the other practical roles i had to take on this summer. you remind me to look at this project as the type of person it’s meant to serve. you remind me of my initial hopes and goals with this endeavor.

you remind me to allow myself to be transformed by the work i have done.

when you share with me how inspirational this project is to you, you remind me to let myself be inspired by the work i’ve done. when you share how much this zine means to you, you remind me to let myself take meaning in it.

and i think it’s sort of ironic in a very beautiful way — so much of this zine focuses on the idea of entanglement and the interdependence of many facets of our lives, and it wasn’t until this project became entangled with you all so much that your experience with the zine is no longer just dependent on mine, but that ours are interdependent on each other. the positivity you feel at learning about this project is poured back into my cup, giving me the breathing room to finally allow myself to feel positively about it, too.

so truly, from the bottom of my soul, thank you. thank you for your kindness and your support, and for making it this far in my ramblings if you have. i know it was quite disorganized and probably very repetitive but this is my first time sort of articulating what i’ve been feeling so heavily recently. so, thank you again — i hold each and every one of you always in my heart, mind, and prayers!

<3 - Soup

(the man behind the curtain)